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2024.05.21 18:39 AcanthaceaeWitty74 My parents (M58, F56) have replaced me (M33) with a guy (M28) that I believe is taking advantage of them. What should I do?
Never thought I would be making a post on here, but I only get 3 free therapist visits a year so here I am.
TLDR : My parents have fully replaced me with some guy (M28) they met at work/ church. I'm slightly hurt but ultimately it's their life and they can do what the please. I am more bewildered, and concerned about my parents being taken advantage of.
First some relevant background info:
My parents are VERY religious boomers. by this I mean more religious than you would believe until you actually spoke to them. growing up this created a lot of friction between us. As I reached my teens I became disillusioned with organized Christianity mostly due to the fact that a lot of modern day interpretations miss the point of what is written in the Bible. the hypocrisy I witnessed was rampant among church members including my parents. I strongly disliked their thinly veiled revulsion for any people who they considered "sinners", a title which was doled out on a whim. even while I was in the church it would be weaponized against other church goers and even myself once. a pastor from another church told a girl I was hanging out with that I would lead her to hell, despite the fact that I also went to church. she promptly cut off all contact despite admitting that she didn't want to, but was being threatened with being kicked out of her church groups of she did not.
back to my parents: we were at odds throughout my teen years as I began to avoid church and anything about it. I did not stop believing but I did not want to be associated with their type of toxic Christianity. this was not something they could understand. when I say they are fully indoctrinated it means they are irredeemable in many of their views. they were willing to ignore any and all boundaries I set about religion even to this day. despite me telling them that what they were doing would tear our family apart. in the end they chose religion over their children. my sister is essentially no contact with them.
as a very young child, our family moved around a lot. I was a continual outsider. I had no friends, at all. my parents would say it was no big deal cause I was just a kid and kids don't care about that stuff really, kids don't know the difference, etc. but I knew the difference and I desperately wanted friendship and community. the only constants were 2 hyper controlling parents who wanted a quiet and obedient follower.
eventually we moved to a place where I was able to form solid friendships for the first time in my life. it was , to this day, the happiest time period of my life. this lasted until my final year of high school when my parents decided to move. despite me having many friends whose parents offered me a place to stay for the final year, my parents forced me to move. this caused me to spiral into a deep depression for around 3 years. I developed enduring social anxiety which I deal with to this day. I have made peace with the fact that I will never have a lot of friends, but thinking about what I missed out on is painful. years later I found out they forced me to move because they prayed and God told them it would be better for all of us if I moved with them. we needed to stay together as a family. then 2 years later they moved back to the place they took me from. all I can do is laugh at this because it is so dark and obviously bullshit. when it was my life getting fucked up "God" said ok we needed to stay together as a family. when I needed support he said naw just ditch him and move away.
my life was destroyed by religion. I have since learned that of course, we are ultimately in charge of our own happiness, but at the time I had no knowledge of trauma or therapy. simply 2 parents who reduced every concern I ever had in my life to "just pray about it". in fact throughout my entire life they diminished all of my concerns, big and small. in addition, they would often judge me for everything I did, even if they were innocent to a non religious person. so I would only tell them about things when I absolutely had no other choice. and they would treat them as wholly unimportant. they also believed that men should not be upset or emotional and should figure things out for themselves. so they would help my sister out whenever she needed it, including buying her a new car, while I was riding my bike an hour each way to go to engineering school. there were many points in my life where I was at rock bottom, and despite them having more than enough means to help me, they did not.
compounding this is the fact that all the while they diminished my own concerns, they would bend over backwards to help people not in our family. they always wanted to appear nice and helpful, but this never extended to me. in fact they would often do things to inconvenience me in order to help some random person they just met.
All of these circumstances created a very weird relationship dynamic between us all. I became avoidant, negative and pessimistic for years before I discovered therapy and began to work through my mental health issues. I struggled in many relationships I had, and always felt like I was a lesser person than everyone else. this persisted until around 3 years ago when I began to correct the errors in my thinking patterns. despite therapy, I still struggle to have a relationship with my parents. all they talk about is religion. I have given up trying to enforce the boundary there. there is no point. they don't know anything else. they cannot be different and have no desire to change, in fact they see no error in their actions throughout the years. despite me obviously having issues. they essentially chalk it up to me just being a bad egg. I have since been able to forgive them, but the trauma I experienced throughout my life has left me with tendencies they hate. I withdraw when I am depressed, I am prone to anxiety from time to time, I have ADHD, I distance myself from them because all they do is cross my boundaries to preach at me, etc etc.
Back to the present:
Before my dad retired he hired this guy, let's call him Raj, at his work. just a basic bank employee. he is a nice enough guy I think. a little awkward but nice enough. I believe he has an engineering degree from another country but it got rejected by our country, so he had to just take whatever job he could get. he is new to the country and a bit of a fish out of water, this is the reason I think most people looked past his non ordinary behavior.... I literally cannot imagine myself ever hanging out or going on vacations with my boss, who is 20+ years older than me.
he struggled to understand the job and my dad had to spend a lot of time with him to get him up to speed. he began to go to my dad for life advice beyond work, as he struggled with making friends or getting a girlfriend. I think eventually my parents invited him to church and he went, despite being originally Hindu. eventually he went with them regularly and integrated himself with them to a wild extent that I did not realize until this past weekend when they came to "visit". they brought this motherfucker with them without saying shit beforehand. paid for his hotel and all his food. bought him clothes and took him on errands. all while saying they didn't really have time to assist me; I cannot drive anymore as I began having seizures 3 years ago.
when we did finally hang out, my own parents mistakenly called me his name many times. they acted like a family and treated me like I was just some dude lol.
we went out to dinner with some friends of theirs who were also in town. during dinner they called Raj my parents adopted son. needless to say I was very weirded out. but did not say anything. if I did they would just say I was being negative and I look like the asshole.
I know Raj does not make a lot of money but somehow he was able to buy a small house a year after starting work. I have not seen proof personally but my sister has said she is sure that my pprovided the down payment. this is where I began to be concerned they are being taken advantage of. this is very out of character for my parents.
I have considered also the weirdest possiblity, that they may have some kind of weird ass sugar baby relationship but I simply cannot see that being the case. they are hypocrites about some aspects of Christianity, such as not judging people, but they are 1000% devout when it comes to what they would deem as sin.
I get the impression that they have empty nest syndrome and compounded with their propensity to bend over backwards for non family members, they have essentially adopted this guy. he is at their house several times a week. as far as I know my mom prepares most of his meals.
it appears to me that they found a replacement for me with none of the mental health issues and resentment ( that they caused) and who was willing to play the part of a church goer. I fear now, based on watching them shop together that he is taking advantage of them. If they are just choosing to help him out money wise that is MASSIVELY out of character for them to do so to this extent. this is the main reason I think they are being taken advantage of. they are doing things for this guy they would NEVER do for anyone.
I am not sure how to approach this situation or what to even think about it. I lack the bandwidth to really mull it over or be upset about it. one thing I am certain of is that me saying anything about this will do nothing except make them mad and bring them closer together .they think I am simply a negative person and don't really listen to my thoughts on things, whether I am right or not.they have always treated me like I'm a moron
Is this as weird to you as it is to me? What would you do in this scenario?
submitted by AcanthaceaeWitty74 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
TLDR : My parents have fully replaced me with some guy (M28) they met at work/ church. I'm slightly hurt but ultimately it's their life and they can do what the please. I am more bewildered, and concerned about my parents being taken advantage of.
First some relevant background info:
My parents are VERY religious boomers. by this I mean more religious than you would believe until you actually spoke to them. growing up this created a lot of friction between us. As I reached my teens I became disillusioned with organized Christianity mostly due to the fact that a lot of modern day interpretations miss the point of what is written in the Bible. the hypocrisy I witnessed was rampant among church members including my parents. I strongly disliked their thinly veiled revulsion for any people who they considered "sinners", a title which was doled out on a whim. even while I was in the church it would be weaponized against other church goers and even myself once. a pastor from another church told a girl I was hanging out with that I would lead her to hell, despite the fact that I also went to church. she promptly cut off all contact despite admitting that she didn't want to, but was being threatened with being kicked out of her church groups of she did not.
back to my parents: we were at odds throughout my teen years as I began to avoid church and anything about it. I did not stop believing but I did not want to be associated with their type of toxic Christianity. this was not something they could understand. when I say they are fully indoctrinated it means they are irredeemable in many of their views. they were willing to ignore any and all boundaries I set about religion even to this day. despite me telling them that what they were doing would tear our family apart. in the end they chose religion over their children. my sister is essentially no contact with them.
as a very young child, our family moved around a lot. I was a continual outsider. I had no friends, at all. my parents would say it was no big deal cause I was just a kid and kids don't care about that stuff really, kids don't know the difference, etc. but I knew the difference and I desperately wanted friendship and community. the only constants were 2 hyper controlling parents who wanted a quiet and obedient follower.
eventually we moved to a place where I was able to form solid friendships for the first time in my life. it was , to this day, the happiest time period of my life. this lasted until my final year of high school when my parents decided to move. despite me having many friends whose parents offered me a place to stay for the final year, my parents forced me to move. this caused me to spiral into a deep depression for around 3 years. I developed enduring social anxiety which I deal with to this day. I have made peace with the fact that I will never have a lot of friends, but thinking about what I missed out on is painful. years later I found out they forced me to move because they prayed and God told them it would be better for all of us if I moved with them. we needed to stay together as a family. then 2 years later they moved back to the place they took me from. all I can do is laugh at this because it is so dark and obviously bullshit. when it was my life getting fucked up "God" said ok we needed to stay together as a family. when I needed support he said naw just ditch him and move away.
my life was destroyed by religion. I have since learned that of course, we are ultimately in charge of our own happiness, but at the time I had no knowledge of trauma or therapy. simply 2 parents who reduced every concern I ever had in my life to "just pray about it". in fact throughout my entire life they diminished all of my concerns, big and small. in addition, they would often judge me for everything I did, even if they were innocent to a non religious person. so I would only tell them about things when I absolutely had no other choice. and they would treat them as wholly unimportant. they also believed that men should not be upset or emotional and should figure things out for themselves. so they would help my sister out whenever she needed it, including buying her a new car, while I was riding my bike an hour each way to go to engineering school. there were many points in my life where I was at rock bottom, and despite them having more than enough means to help me, they did not.
compounding this is the fact that all the while they diminished my own concerns, they would bend over backwards to help people not in our family. they always wanted to appear nice and helpful, but this never extended to me. in fact they would often do things to inconvenience me in order to help some random person they just met.
All of these circumstances created a very weird relationship dynamic between us all. I became avoidant, negative and pessimistic for years before I discovered therapy and began to work through my mental health issues. I struggled in many relationships I had, and always felt like I was a lesser person than everyone else. this persisted until around 3 years ago when I began to correct the errors in my thinking patterns. despite therapy, I still struggle to have a relationship with my parents. all they talk about is religion. I have given up trying to enforce the boundary there. there is no point. they don't know anything else. they cannot be different and have no desire to change, in fact they see no error in their actions throughout the years. despite me obviously having issues. they essentially chalk it up to me just being a bad egg. I have since been able to forgive them, but the trauma I experienced throughout my life has left me with tendencies they hate. I withdraw when I am depressed, I am prone to anxiety from time to time, I have ADHD, I distance myself from them because all they do is cross my boundaries to preach at me, etc etc.
Back to the present:
Before my dad retired he hired this guy, let's call him Raj, at his work. just a basic bank employee. he is a nice enough guy I think. a little awkward but nice enough. I believe he has an engineering degree from another country but it got rejected by our country, so he had to just take whatever job he could get. he is new to the country and a bit of a fish out of water, this is the reason I think most people looked past his non ordinary behavior.... I literally cannot imagine myself ever hanging out or going on vacations with my boss, who is 20+ years older than me.
he struggled to understand the job and my dad had to spend a lot of time with him to get him up to speed. he began to go to my dad for life advice beyond work, as he struggled with making friends or getting a girlfriend. I think eventually my parents invited him to church and he went, despite being originally Hindu. eventually he went with them regularly and integrated himself with them to a wild extent that I did not realize until this past weekend when they came to "visit". they brought this motherfucker with them without saying shit beforehand. paid for his hotel and all his food. bought him clothes and took him on errands. all while saying they didn't really have time to assist me; I cannot drive anymore as I began having seizures 3 years ago.
when we did finally hang out, my own parents mistakenly called me his name many times. they acted like a family and treated me like I was just some dude lol.
we went out to dinner with some friends of theirs who were also in town. during dinner they called Raj my parents adopted son. needless to say I was very weirded out. but did not say anything. if I did they would just say I was being negative and I look like the asshole.
I know Raj does not make a lot of money but somehow he was able to buy a small house a year after starting work. I have not seen proof personally but my sister has said she is sure that my pprovided the down payment. this is where I began to be concerned they are being taken advantage of. this is very out of character for my parents.
I have considered also the weirdest possiblity, that they may have some kind of weird ass sugar baby relationship but I simply cannot see that being the case. they are hypocrites about some aspects of Christianity, such as not judging people, but they are 1000% devout when it comes to what they would deem as sin.
I get the impression that they have empty nest syndrome and compounded with their propensity to bend over backwards for non family members, they have essentially adopted this guy. he is at their house several times a week. as far as I know my mom prepares most of his meals.
it appears to me that they found a replacement for me with none of the mental health issues and resentment ( that they caused) and who was willing to play the part of a church goer. I fear now, based on watching them shop together that he is taking advantage of them. If they are just choosing to help him out money wise that is MASSIVELY out of character for them to do so to this extent. this is the main reason I think they are being taken advantage of. they are doing things for this guy they would NEVER do for anyone.
I am not sure how to approach this situation or what to even think about it. I lack the bandwidth to really mull it over or be upset about it. one thing I am certain of is that me saying anything about this will do nothing except make them mad and bring them closer together .they think I am simply a negative person and don't really listen to my thoughts on things, whether I am right or not.they have always treated me like I'm a moron
Is this as weird to you as it is to me? What would you do in this scenario?
2024.05.21 18:36 MehWhatever12 Aitah for not putting my son in the best school in the city
My son turned 3 a few days ago. He goes to a montessori nursery and he absolutely loves it. We moved to a new country just a few months ago and When I moved here, a lot of moms told me to get a head start on putting him in "big schools". So I randomly applied to a lot of schools, Including the best school(let's call it little Oxford) in the city. They immediately emailed me back and said they had no vacancy. I shrugged it off and said OK.
My son is wicked smart. He attended assessments for pre-kindergarten in a couple of schools and absolutely nailed it. A few weeks later, I get an email inviting him to an assessment at little Oxford. I was confused but went ahead with the assessment. He passed with flying colors and he got in. My friends and family were literally jumping with joy because it's very hard to get into and a lot of them tried really hard to get into it but they couldn't.
You know why it's hard to get into? It's because they are racist. They give preference to Caucasians. They might extend it to just Americans at best. They are snobby. They are very exclusive. We are not white. We just moved here. I literally lost sleep at night imagining him attending that school. I told my family that I was having second thoughts and they were so angry that I was depriving my son.
I feel that having him in nursery for 1 more year will help him thrive and he can go into pre-kindergarten one year late as my son will probably not sit for play based or classroom learning. He is doing amazing at the montessori. He's barely 3 and he does basic math and starting to read and they are so supportive. I felt that this was the right thing to do. His teacher said he might not get into this particular school next year but for sure he can get into many of the other good schools.
Now I'm being guilted heavily for depriving my son from attending the most highly rated school out there. I don't think it's the end of the world if my son is the oldest in his class next year at pre-kindergarten but I can't let him be the only person of colour in the entire school. It honestly scares me like crazy.
submitted by MehWhatever12 to Mommit [link] [comments]
My son is wicked smart. He attended assessments for pre-kindergarten in a couple of schools and absolutely nailed it. A few weeks later, I get an email inviting him to an assessment at little Oxford. I was confused but went ahead with the assessment. He passed with flying colors and he got in. My friends and family were literally jumping with joy because it's very hard to get into and a lot of them tried really hard to get into it but they couldn't.
You know why it's hard to get into? It's because they are racist. They give preference to Caucasians. They might extend it to just Americans at best. They are snobby. They are very exclusive. We are not white. We just moved here. I literally lost sleep at night imagining him attending that school. I told my family that I was having second thoughts and they were so angry that I was depriving my son.
I feel that having him in nursery for 1 more year will help him thrive and he can go into pre-kindergarten one year late as my son will probably not sit for play based or classroom learning. He is doing amazing at the montessori. He's barely 3 and he does basic math and starting to read and they are so supportive. I felt that this was the right thing to do. His teacher said he might not get into this particular school next year but for sure he can get into many of the other good schools.
Now I'm being guilted heavily for depriving my son from attending the most highly rated school out there. I don't think it's the end of the world if my son is the oldest in his class next year at pre-kindergarten but I can't let him be the only person of colour in the entire school. It honestly scares me like crazy.
2024.05.21 18:28 MaintenanceExpert868 Kids and internet exposure!
Hi friends! Real talk. Last night the kids went live with Matt. Unfortunately people were being jerks so I won’t be allowing them to go live anymore. Between grown adults telling them that they’re cute but Pam’s better and pretending to be their deceased sister saying disgusting things about their mom…it’s just wrong. They’re kids. It’s a line you just don’t cross. And while we teach them about bullies, I won’t be subjecting them to abusive adults. It’s sad that there are grown adults who don’t know how to control themselves and have such issues within themselves that they feel the dire need to put children down. As their mom it’s my job to protect them so that’s what I’m going to do. And while I’m at it, I’m requesting if you’re here with ill intent to please just leave our community. We have no room in this community for the kind of hate some people have in their hearts. If you don’t like me or the way I run this business no one is forcing you to be here and you are free to leave. If I feel the need to block someone and/or remove someone from our community it is my right to do so. You may not like it or agree with it, but I can and will do as I see fit. This is to protect myself, my family, my employees, my shoppers, and anyone else who is involved with JJ Rae. We appreciate everyone who has and continues to show us love and we will continue to sprinkle love and kindness into this world whenever and wherever we can ❤️
someone’s reponse.
I don’t think that horrible post came from anyone in that Read group. I finally checked it out because frankly I was sickened by that comment. That group totally was appalled that it was posted!
I think some very sick individual posted that for attention. Maybe from the JJ Rae side to bump up engagement.
I am glad you are pulling the kids from lives. I worked in law enforcement and there are many sick individuals that easily can exploit your kids, which is heartbreaking!
I wish I could shop and show support, I was banned early on because I asked about the business being for sale. I did not mean it disrespectful at all. I just worried that I would order and then JJ Rae would close.
I figured I would wait out all of the drama and then rejoin. You have enough on your plate without adding more!
Again, I am sorry that that awful comment was posted last night. It actually hurt my heart!
Look closely at those surrounding you and make sure it didn’t come from someone in your camp. Weirdo’s hide closest to those they are most comfortable with.
I pray for brighter days for all!❤️
submitted by MaintenanceExpert868 to PWebbssnark [link] [comments]
someone’s reponse.
I don’t think that horrible post came from anyone in that Read group. I finally checked it out because frankly I was sickened by that comment. That group totally was appalled that it was posted!
I think some very sick individual posted that for attention. Maybe from the JJ Rae side to bump up engagement.
I am glad you are pulling the kids from lives. I worked in law enforcement and there are many sick individuals that easily can exploit your kids, which is heartbreaking!
I wish I could shop and show support, I was banned early on because I asked about the business being for sale. I did not mean it disrespectful at all. I just worried that I would order and then JJ Rae would close.
I figured I would wait out all of the drama and then rejoin. You have enough on your plate without adding more!
Again, I am sorry that that awful comment was posted last night. It actually hurt my heart!
Look closely at those surrounding you and make sure it didn’t come from someone in your camp. Weirdo’s hide closest to those they are most comfortable with.
I pray for brighter days for all!❤️
2024.05.21 18:20 001mad001 Pumping Problems
I am having some difficulty with breast pumping and need some advice. My son is about a month old. I have been struggling pretty bad with my mental health lately, and I am also the sole caretaker of my son, his father is at work most of the time and we have nobody else in our life nearby. Due to the overwhelming stress combined with second night syndrome, I began combo feeding despite wanting to EBF. I now feed about 95-97% formula with maybe 4 oz of BM on a good day. I pump about 3-4 times a day which I know isn't nearly enough but I am always so tired and I don't understand how other moms can wake themselves up throughout the night to pump, I feel like I just don't have the discipline to do so. That being said, I have constant anxiety and guilt over giving my son formula, and he gets diaper rash on and off that is really painful for him. We have tried everything to mitigate the diaper rash but it just comes back within days anyway for whatever reason.
I would like to rebuild my milk supply and become more frequent and disciplined in how much I pump per day, but getting there is so difficult mentally. Whenever I go to wash my pump parts/pump I feel like I'm frozen in place. I just want to do whats best for my son and I feel so shitty that I am taking the lazy way out. IDK why I feel this way because I don't judge other moms who use formula but it makes me feel so bad when I do it. The thought of my milk drying up also makes me so emotional because it makes me feel like my baby is growing up too fast. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.
submitted by 001mad001 to NewParents [link] [comments]
I would like to rebuild my milk supply and become more frequent and disciplined in how much I pump per day, but getting there is so difficult mentally. Whenever I go to wash my pump parts/pump I feel like I'm frozen in place. I just want to do whats best for my son and I feel so shitty that I am taking the lazy way out. IDK why I feel this way because I don't judge other moms who use formula but it makes me feel so bad when I do it. The thought of my milk drying up also makes me so emotional because it makes me feel like my baby is growing up too fast. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.
2024.05.21 18:19 No-Actuator-5057 AITAH for not letting my MIL come over on Wednesday to see my baby?
I am a SAHM (28f), my husband (29m) works from home most days, and we have a 9 month old son. He is the only grandchild on my husband’s side.
This past weekend, we spent all of Saturday and a few hours on Sunday with my in laws. On Sunday as we were leaving, my MIL came up to me and said “Let me know what day is good for me to come over this week.” I felt it was a little rude that she didn’t ask and just assumed this week would be good for me but answered that I would look at the calendar. I looked at the calendar when I got home and it’s a really busy week for me and my son. We have something going on everyday this week and weekend. I told my husband that I was busy this week but if he wanted to take the baby to his mom’s house on Wednesday and work from there he could. My friend is coming over in the afternoon/evening so I did not want to host someone in the morning and be socially drained by the time my friend comes. I haven’t seen her in a while and we made these plans a few weeks ago.
My husband feels that his mom should be able to come over in the morning and can leave before my friend gets here. He said I could watch tv, clean the house, go out, or anything else I wanted while his mom was here watching the baby. I don’t enjoy shopping and my errands are already done. I feel like it is rude to watch tv alone while someone is visiting and we don’t let our son watch tv. I feel like his mom judges me for everything so I don’t want to have a dirty house when she gets here. Plus, I have a cleaning routine and don’t have any special projects I want to work on this week. On top of all of that, it is extremely draining for me to hang out with his mom. In the past 7 years we have been together, she made it very clear that I would never be good enough for her son, would never be considered family, and even called him after he proposed to tell him that she didn’t want him to marry me. Until 9 months ago, I had a very good career and made similar money to my husband so it’s not like I was mooching off of him at any point in our relationship.
Last night, my husband and I got into an argument about her coming over on Wednesday. I had offered for her to come the following week but he said she was off this week. I told him I felt like he was implying that her schedule was more important than mine. He replied by asking “what schedule? Doing nothing all day?” I was really hurt by this and have been thinking about it all day. We have argued quite a few times about her coming over during the week in the past and I almost always say no. I am wondering if I am the asshole for not letting her come over because I can’t see my bias against her in these situations. She does get to see her grandson at least 4 times a month and definitely more when he was younger.
submitted by No-Actuator-5057 to AITAH [link] [comments]
This past weekend, we spent all of Saturday and a few hours on Sunday with my in laws. On Sunday as we were leaving, my MIL came up to me and said “Let me know what day is good for me to come over this week.” I felt it was a little rude that she didn’t ask and just assumed this week would be good for me but answered that I would look at the calendar. I looked at the calendar when I got home and it’s a really busy week for me and my son. We have something going on everyday this week and weekend. I told my husband that I was busy this week but if he wanted to take the baby to his mom’s house on Wednesday and work from there he could. My friend is coming over in the afternoon/evening so I did not want to host someone in the morning and be socially drained by the time my friend comes. I haven’t seen her in a while and we made these plans a few weeks ago.
My husband feels that his mom should be able to come over in the morning and can leave before my friend gets here. He said I could watch tv, clean the house, go out, or anything else I wanted while his mom was here watching the baby. I don’t enjoy shopping and my errands are already done. I feel like it is rude to watch tv alone while someone is visiting and we don’t let our son watch tv. I feel like his mom judges me for everything so I don’t want to have a dirty house when she gets here. Plus, I have a cleaning routine and don’t have any special projects I want to work on this week. On top of all of that, it is extremely draining for me to hang out with his mom. In the past 7 years we have been together, she made it very clear that I would never be good enough for her son, would never be considered family, and even called him after he proposed to tell him that she didn’t want him to marry me. Until 9 months ago, I had a very good career and made similar money to my husband so it’s not like I was mooching off of him at any point in our relationship.
Last night, my husband and I got into an argument about her coming over on Wednesday. I had offered for her to come the following week but he said she was off this week. I told him I felt like he was implying that her schedule was more important than mine. He replied by asking “what schedule? Doing nothing all day?” I was really hurt by this and have been thinking about it all day. We have argued quite a few times about her coming over during the week in the past and I almost always say no. I am wondering if I am the asshole for not letting her come over because I can’t see my bias against her in these situations. She does get to see her grandson at least 4 times a month and definitely more when he was younger.
2024.05.21 18:09 kyngfish 8 year old gets bent out of shape when people tease him
I get that this is probably very normal. But my son gets super flustered when people tease him, or brag or whatever. I grew up in a household and neighborhood where poking fun and casual verbal ribbing was pretty standard so I learned this very young.
I don’t want to sit there and be kind of a jerk like my dad and my friends were to teach my son a lesson. I’ve tried explaining that sometimes people talk smack and getting upset is what they want - but obviously he’s having an emotional response and it isn’t that easy to just shrug off.
Anyone have any successful approaches?
submitted by kyngfish to Parenting [link] [comments]
I don’t want to sit there and be kind of a jerk like my dad and my friends were to teach my son a lesson. I’ve tried explaining that sometimes people talk smack and getting upset is what they want - but obviously he’s having an emotional response and it isn’t that easy to just shrug off.
Anyone have any successful approaches?
2024.05.21 18:08 goodnightoracle Why Don’t Boomers Understand Low/No Contact?
Relevant details: All fake names Myself: 33F Carl: 53M, oldest brother who I’m very low contact with Ronan: 42M, middle brother, married to Angie, 42F who is the kindest person I’ve ever known Jillian: 72F, our mom Dean: 70-something M, Angie’s father, terminal cancer Carter: Late-20-something M, Angie’s half brother Carrie: 30-something F, Angie’s half sister Leann: 45F, Angie’s sister
I don’t understand why Boomers don’t understand cutting someone off.
I was on the phone with my mom just catching up. She said she had spoken with Ronan yesterday and how he’s worried about his wife, Angie, taking on too much. It’s the season where her job is the busiest, she’s working on her PhD, and she’s trying to make the last of her father’s life as easy as possible, despite the fact that Dean is just kind of an ass. What adds to the issue is that her half-brother Carter lives with Dean, and he’s not the best either.
Carter’s mom passed away about a decade ago after a battle with cancer that she didn’t tell anyone about until the last few days. Carter was still in high school and it really destroyed his world. This led to him getting involved with the wrong people, extensive drug use, and Dean never encouraged his son getting help. My brother and SIL tried helping as much as they could, but you can lead a horse to water but can’t make him drink. When Dean was diagnosed with cancer (I can’t remember what type) about a year ago and told it was inoperable, Carter fell even deeper into depression. Dean has also spiraled since his wife’s death and while everyone has tried to be supportive, he has been unwilling. This has led Angie’s sisters , Carrie and Leann, to become low contact with him. Angie is the only one of his children who has never cut off contact. Angie was at Dean and Carters home this last weekend trying to get it cleaned up and she had an argument with Carter over the state of the house.
This is where my mom and I started disagreeing with each other. We both agree that Carter’s parents have failed him in a few ways, and that he’s old enough now to acknowledge if he wants his life to change, he has to get help and accept help. We both agree that Dean has been a really shitty father to all his kids, not just after the loss of his life, but his whole time he’s been a father. But my mom thinks it’s wrong of Carrie and Leann not to help out, if not for their father, for Angie. I think they’re in the right. They’ve dealt with enough BS over the year.
My mom can’t understand why someone would be so callous towards a sibling. I remind her that I’m low contact with my oldest brother, Carl. He and I have always had a rocky relationship, and if anything, act more like cousins that see each other every 10 years. It got to a breaking point last year when he had a drunken scene last year that had him throwing a chair at my partner. Since then, he has attempted to make amends with everyone but myself and my partner, and I’m fine with that. Ronan and Carl have been able to work out a relationship for my parents, and I don’t hold that against anyone. Same with my parents. It’s their kid and it’s their call to accept his apology. I or my partner haven’t been apologized to and probably never will be. If we see him at a family gathering, we’ll be polite. Even told him happy birthday. But I know for my own care, that’s about all I can offer. And she accepts that, so why can’t she accept Angie’s sisters having the same mentality?
It led to a slightly heated discussion, but we moved past it. But still, I just don’t understand why she doesn’t understand no contact/low contact. And I’ve noticed that with a lot of people who are boomers. Just because a person is family doesn’t mean they’re owed anything. So many of them like to throw around “blood is thicker than water” without acknowledging that the statement is actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
submitted by goodnightoracle to BoomersBeingFools [link] [comments]
I don’t understand why Boomers don’t understand cutting someone off.
I was on the phone with my mom just catching up. She said she had spoken with Ronan yesterday and how he’s worried about his wife, Angie, taking on too much. It’s the season where her job is the busiest, she’s working on her PhD, and she’s trying to make the last of her father’s life as easy as possible, despite the fact that Dean is just kind of an ass. What adds to the issue is that her half-brother Carter lives with Dean, and he’s not the best either.
Carter’s mom passed away about a decade ago after a battle with cancer that she didn’t tell anyone about until the last few days. Carter was still in high school and it really destroyed his world. This led to him getting involved with the wrong people, extensive drug use, and Dean never encouraged his son getting help. My brother and SIL tried helping as much as they could, but you can lead a horse to water but can’t make him drink. When Dean was diagnosed with cancer (I can’t remember what type) about a year ago and told it was inoperable, Carter fell even deeper into depression. Dean has also spiraled since his wife’s death and while everyone has tried to be supportive, he has been unwilling. This has led Angie’s sisters , Carrie and Leann, to become low contact with him. Angie is the only one of his children who has never cut off contact. Angie was at Dean and Carters home this last weekend trying to get it cleaned up and she had an argument with Carter over the state of the house.
This is where my mom and I started disagreeing with each other. We both agree that Carter’s parents have failed him in a few ways, and that he’s old enough now to acknowledge if he wants his life to change, he has to get help and accept help. We both agree that Dean has been a really shitty father to all his kids, not just after the loss of his life, but his whole time he’s been a father. But my mom thinks it’s wrong of Carrie and Leann not to help out, if not for their father, for Angie. I think they’re in the right. They’ve dealt with enough BS over the year.
My mom can’t understand why someone would be so callous towards a sibling. I remind her that I’m low contact with my oldest brother, Carl. He and I have always had a rocky relationship, and if anything, act more like cousins that see each other every 10 years. It got to a breaking point last year when he had a drunken scene last year that had him throwing a chair at my partner. Since then, he has attempted to make amends with everyone but myself and my partner, and I’m fine with that. Ronan and Carl have been able to work out a relationship for my parents, and I don’t hold that against anyone. Same with my parents. It’s their kid and it’s their call to accept his apology. I or my partner haven’t been apologized to and probably never will be. If we see him at a family gathering, we’ll be polite. Even told him happy birthday. But I know for my own care, that’s about all I can offer. And she accepts that, so why can’t she accept Angie’s sisters having the same mentality?
It led to a slightly heated discussion, but we moved past it. But still, I just don’t understand why she doesn’t understand no contact/low contact. And I’ve noticed that with a lot of people who are boomers. Just because a person is family doesn’t mean they’re owed anything. So many of them like to throw around “blood is thicker than water” without acknowledging that the statement is actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
2024.05.21 18:05 Brilliant_Shine2247 My Response to the Guy Telling You About Them Homeless Folks
This is for the guy trying to say not to give money to homeless people flying a sign. This my personal experience from being homeless in Wilmington. I can't say as I speak for everyone, just my experience.I'm still homeless, but I've moved out of Wilmington. I had to teach myself how to read and write all over again, and this is what I do now. I hope you enjoy.
Six-thirty am, I woke up to my alarm. I had to be at work at nine, and I didn't want to be frazzled from being in panic mode on my first day, hurried, and hassled. No, sir. You don't get too many chances to make a first impression.
Rolled out of my sleeping bag with a smooth, well practiced motion, unzipped the flap, and made my way out into brisk spring morning air, taking a brief pause, taking in the natural beuaty of the forest. If it hadn't been for the sounds of the highway a few hundred yards away, this scene could have been from a camping trip or hike that I remembered from days gone by. I didn't pause to think about too long due to the urgency to find a suitable tree to relieve myself. Fifty feet, at least. Fifty feet. Otherwise, that smell could come back to haunt you. This wasn't a camping trip but rather where I lived. My homestead, abode, residence, shelter, and as far as I could tell, it would be for a long time to come.
I decided to drink my energy drink, which had come to replace my morning cup of brew, outside this fine morn, so I made my way back to the tent and pulled my Monster can and my half full box of handrolled cigarettes from their hiding places, turned around and walked the fifteen feet to my "visiting bench". Aptly named because that's where we all sat when someone came visiting, which wasn't very often, a few feet in front was the small firepit. A hundred or so yards beyond, down a respectable hill, sat Frankies tent, another fifty yards at the split in the trail was Chris's small pup tent, where a small pile of trash meant that Chris and I needed to talk. This was my site, and I had few rules, and trash was something I didn't want to see.
According to the rules out here, our social contract, the first person at a campsite was in charge and I had spent the last month of winter all alone here to earn the right to call the shots. After all, it was deemed The Allen Compound for the Criminally Insane by my friend who led a real boots on the ground street outreach in town, someone that I had insane respect for and not a small bit of love. We weren't. I won't speak to insane.
I took a seat on the bench, popped the top on the Monster, lit up a smoke, and took a big long pull of the drink. Spring was starting to show now, and the highway was slowly starting to hide behind the new growth of forest. My tent was already invisible from the road thanks to a large camouflaged tarp that I had strung to block the view once I recovered from the panic attack following the discovery of how visible it once was. That discovery came not long after I set up camp, as I was returning from town. Walking down the shoulder of the highway, I just happened to look up in the direction of my camp and saw that my tent sat in the middle of a big clearing of branches, making a perfect frame for my work of art. The realization that thousands of people could have seen that on a daily basis. I was live bait for any psychotic person or persons to visit on a full moon. Recalling the stories of people setting sleeping people on fire for the fun of watching a human cook, I instantly turned on my heels and headed back into town, a spy who just realized he'd been compromised. I didn't return until I had a tarp, but even then, it was some time before sleep came easy.
Seven am and the spring sun were now spreading its rays of love to its children in the forest undergrowth, letting everything know it was day shift now in the kingdom. Down below, I spied Frankie, who piled out of his tent and sprinted to a tree like his bladder had caught fire. At the sight of this, I barked three times in greeting. He threw his head back and made a rooster crow, knowing it would wake Chris up long enough to feel the urgency. And by the time I stood up finish the last bit of my morning nectar, sure enough, scrambled out of his tent and instantly let it go right beside where his head would lay when he slept. I shook my head and trudged to my place to change clothes. A light blue polo type short sleeve tucked neatly into my cleanest pair of jeans, then a long sleeve light flannel over that as a precaution, because a lesson learned early is that you dressed for all day. There was no going home to get a coat when the temps plummeted, so it was wise to have that coat ready at all times. I changed my socks, put on my shoes and out of the flap I went. I closed it up and placed a pine needle inside the zipper that would let me know when I got back if anyone had violated my space.
Seven ten am, and I was on my way. I had fourty minutes to be at the bus stop a little over a mile from the camp and I didn't want to be late, so off I went down the trail, just past Frankies tent I took a left, pausing just long enough to notice that Chris had gone back to bed and left his flap door open, then another fifty yard and over the fence to what I referred to as the 'exposed zone'. There, I was out of the woods walking down a small trail hidden only from the waist down by overgrown weeds and grass. The exposed zone went about a hundred and fifty yards to the shoulder of the highway, where I would merge left, facing the oncoming traffic. At that point, it wouldn't be so obvious to passing cars that I had just emerged from the woods, and the exact spot would no doubt be a mystery. There, my pace stepped up to an average of four miles an hour, something that I had clocked many times, and these days, it was a knowledge that came in handy. I could deal with being homeless, but not tardy. Every minute I walked along the shoulder of the highway, I was fraught with danger, at least in my overactive brain. I could envision cars swerving to miss the car ahead and turning me into a hood ornament, or blowing a tire and taking me out when the driver loses control for that half a second. Maybe something would fall out of the many dump trucks that passed frequently at seventy miles an hour and cleanly decapitate me before I even saw it coming. Why not? It's not like I was having a good luck streak, let's be honest.
Seven fifty am and I managed to make it to the bus stop with all my organs just where they should be and my head still attached to my body. I lit up a smoke and fished three quarters out of my pocket, ready to pay my way and go to work. The bus pulled up on time, and I climbed aboard, nodding to the driver in solidarity, one working man to the other, dropped my coins of passage into the box, turned and found an empty seat by the window. I watched as the scenery went from historical homes with their gates and carefully tended lawns to the brown crabgrass and dirt yards where the children played in poverty, then to the blocks of businesses where hopes and dreams were born and died, with their big banners proclaiming another last chance at big savings, or let you know that for the twentieth time this furniture store was going out of business and these prices wouldn't last. Nothing but a higher class of a carnival barker. Free financing, limited time only, no interest for ninety days, credit same as cash, act now, last chance to save, overstocked and marked down, employee pricing, never before savings, trade ins welcome, don't miss out, and my all time favorite, below wholesale. Imagine that a business surviving by losing money. The saddest part of it all is that these tactics worked on people. For the second time that morning, I shook my head.
Eight thirty eight am and the doors open at my destination, my job site, half the bus stood up to depart. Standing up and slipping No. 7 onto my shoulders, I let the line shuffle past me with the knowledge that I had time to spare
Eight forty, I stepped off the bus, gravitating to have a smoke with a small group of like-minded people who nodded their approval as I approached. The signal that I was accepted in the circle of debauchery. I made it clear, though, that I had no time to make small talk because I had to go to work and I was a responsible person. On time, it was late, and ten minutes early was on time. That was my motto, starting now, at least. Eight fourty five am I started to the job site, feeling the anxiety butterflies come to life in the pit of my stomach. I had never done this sort of work before, and I hoped I would catch on quick.
Eight fifty am, and I was standing beside the exit lane of the Walmart Superstore on a patch of grass where the stopsign was planted, dropping No. 7 to the earth. I bent over and unzipped the section that contained the piece of cardboard. As I put my fingers on it, I felt emotions pour over me, a mixture of shame, embarrassment, and determination. This was my third try at this, but I was determined not to chicken out this time, so, choking everything back down I pulled the sign from my bag and turned to face the cars coming up to the stop sign so I could show them the story of my life, condensed down to some scribbles from a Sharpie which read, 'Traumatic Brain Injury' in large lettering, with a smaller, 'Please Help' below. I'd never felt so alone as I did in that spot light that day at Walmart, that my life had led me to this point, here with a sign begging for money from strangers to get things I needed. It seemed like I couldn't even breathe with my phone service cut off, as I still felt sure that my son would call me at any minute to see how I was, and knowing that life line was severed was unbearable.
A grey van with a logo pulled up to the stop sign and I heard one of the doors open, then close, so I turned around to see someone jogging up to me, holding out his hand with a twenty dollar bill pinched in his fingers, "Here you go, brother. Take care of yourself, my man, "then back to the van and was gone.
I broke. Just like that. I broke.
2024.05.21 18:03 irishgypsy1960 CPTSD
Has anyone gotten relief from cPTSD? My depression stems from a lifetime of rejection and abuse from an entire family system. It’s caused me to have extreme low self worth, attachment disorder, isolation. Now I’m 63 with severe chronic illness living in poverty. I do live in a nice apartment in a liberal city and take advantage of many free cultural opportunities to distract myself. Always alone. I raised 2 kids, have 5 grands, that was hard, all alone and I damaged them due to my depression despite being a very good mom. My oldest effed up her kids bad and that was decades more chronic triggers. I also had a severe mental illness brother born after my daughter. When he was a kid, I became his only emotional support . That lasted 30 years and he was institutionalized, imprisoned, became an iv drug addict and od’d 2 years ago. Now, all that is over. My daughter is stable, a working homeowner. My son quit drinking, got off drugs except weed, is married w 2 kids. So everything that caused my life to be this way is gone. Except my chronic Lyme, pain, fibromyalgia etc. and my poverty and lack of relationships. I’m in regular contact but feel no real support acknowledgement or closeness w my kids. Sorry for the novella. Is it even possible spravato can help me?
submitted by irishgypsy1960 to Spravato [link] [comments]
2024.05.21 17:57 Swimming-Author6174 AITAH if I press charges on my roommate/cousin for attacking me?
TL;DR: roommate leaves me to take care of her dog all the time, I bring it up to her, she gets mad and tries to lock me out. I tell her not to lock me out and she starts physically attacking me. Fam says I shouldn’t press charges.
Initial context: Me (23 M) and my cousin (23 F) decided to be roommates and we both have pets but she’s never home to take care of her dog, I take her dog out more frequently than she does.
So my cousin recently got into a relationship like two months ago and she’s been staying with her partner every night practically, which is not the problem. We made agreements to take each others dogs out if one of us is not at the apartment, but she has been abusing that and essentially leaving me to take her dog out all the time. It became a bigger issue because her dog is not properly trained and is a pit bull so she has the weight to jerk her leash from my grasp. Whenever she’s free, she will run away from me and think I’m playing with her and it’s impossible to chase her down. I’ve had to chase her around our large apartment complex 4 times at this point, the last straw being when she did this before I had to go to work, making me late and almost nearly getting me fired from my job. My dog is a small poodle/bichon frise and he is well trained. So much so that in one instance I had to chase her dog down, my dog sat in the same spot (as I instructed him to) the whole 10 minutes I chased her dog around the complex. Two of my neighbors in three separate instances had to get her dog for me because I eventually just give up and leave her dog outside because I know she will wait at the door and whine.
Well, I got fed up after the fourth instance and I needed to bring this up to my cousin and try to find some solution. So the other day while I’m changing the radiator to my car in the parking lot of the complex, I notice she comes home and says what’s up to me. At this moment I stopped working on my car to let her know that she needs to be more present in her own dogs life because I cannot keep taking care of her dog ALL THE TIME because of her negligence to do it herself. As I’m telling her this, she tries to shift the goal post and bring up that my dog isn’t trained because he pees in the house. The difference here is that I’m always there to clean it up and he pees in his cage (she doesn’t even have a cage for her dog) because one of us isn’t there for a long enough period to clean it up because I work very long hours, but regardless there isn’t a single night that I haven’t been here and slept here. This is my apartment and I don’t have a partners house to go sleep at so I have to come home every day. I will admit I was wrong when I started having a rude tone when I’m telling her that she needs to take accountability for the issue at hand and not divert the issue onto me. It’s at that point she starts getting loud and cussing at me in the parking lot and we essentially are going back n forth outside for a little second before she goes inside. I go back to replacing my radiator and while I’m doing that, I sit and think to myself that I should apologize to her for my tonality and delivery because ultimately, I need a solution to the problem.
So I go upstairs to try to talk to her and I knock on the door three times for her to let me in because the door was locked. She didn’t answer the door and I know she heard me knocking because she didn’t have earbuds in and my dog was barking multiple times because I was knocking the door (he doesn’t bark otherwise because I have a bark collar on him). Luckily I remembered I left my keys outside on my toolbox and I get in the apartment. It’s at this moment I explode and open her rooms door to tell her not to lock me out of my own apartment because she was being petty. She’s yelling at the top of her lungs to tell me to get out of her room. In the midst of this, I thought I dropped my earbud in the doorway of her messy room (clothes and random objects EVERYWHERE on the floor) and I’m repeatedly telling her that I need my earbud and I’ll leave and she’s not listening and just keeps telling me to get out.
It’s at this point it becomes physical and she starts to shove and push me out of the doorway, and I’m telling her just grab my earbud but she starts to escalate the physicality and punch me and grab my hair trying to pull it out. I had not laid a single hand on her up until this point because I don’t hit women or anyone for that matter over a verbal altercation, and I had to wrestle her to the ground to calm her down and to get her to stop attacking me. She then bites both of my arms TWICE to the point that her teeth sink into both arms. I will provide images.
After a minute of this, I push her off of me completely and tell her that I’m going to call the cops for hitting me and she just doesn’t care, I didn’t and I ended up going outside to my car and calling my uncle (her dad) and he basically told me that this is just behavior that’s typical of her. Despite all of this, I try to go upstairs again to talk to her in a calm manner and apologize so we can talk things out because 1. We’re cousins and this is unacceptable behavior, and 2. We literally live together and we can’t live together with this kind of tension. She wasn’t having it, before I could even finish my sentence, she just continually starts screaming at the top of her lungs telling me to get out and that she hates me (mind you, we have neighbors and it’s 11pm at night), so I eventually just leave to go finish working on my car.
You remember when I said I didn’t call the cops? Well, I didn’t need to call the cops, because as I started back working on my car, the cops arrived in the parking lot and they told me the neighbors called because of a noise complaint. So I give them a rundown of the situation in a calm manner outside, and they automatically start to ask me if she has any bruises or marks and I tell them that I’m not sure but I show them the marks I have on my knee, the bite marks on both my arms, and they can clearly see my hair is messed up from her trying to pull my dreads from scalp. So the cops try to go upstairs to talk to her and they’re knocking on the door but she’s not coming to the door, but I let them in and I try to tell her the cops want her side of the situation, but she’s trying to storm past them and literally tells them she’s not talking to them. They were blocking the door but eventually let her leave when they realize that she’s just not going to cooperate with them. When she drives off and leaves with her dog, they then proceed to ask me if I want to press charges and initially I tell them no because I don’t want to ruin her clean record and they inform me that if I changed my mind that I have like 20 days to file a report.
Well I get off work the next day and find she’s home for once with her dog and I’m still wanting to talk things out because she’s family and I have unconditional love for my family, but she tells me multiple times that there’s nothing to talk about and she doesn’t consider me family anymore because I “disrespected” her. Cool.
I’ve asked multiple people in my family if I should press charges and everyone but my mom said no, but I genuinely feel she needs to take accountability for getting physical with me when I didn’t touch her at all prior to defending myself. This is not the first time she’s had issues regulating her emotions and it surely won’t be the last.
Would I ultimately be the asshole if I did press charges on her?
submitted by Swimming-Author6174 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Initial context: Me (23 M) and my cousin (23 F) decided to be roommates and we both have pets but she’s never home to take care of her dog, I take her dog out more frequently than she does.
So my cousin recently got into a relationship like two months ago and she’s been staying with her partner every night practically, which is not the problem. We made agreements to take each others dogs out if one of us is not at the apartment, but she has been abusing that and essentially leaving me to take her dog out all the time. It became a bigger issue because her dog is not properly trained and is a pit bull so she has the weight to jerk her leash from my grasp. Whenever she’s free, she will run away from me and think I’m playing with her and it’s impossible to chase her down. I’ve had to chase her around our large apartment complex 4 times at this point, the last straw being when she did this before I had to go to work, making me late and almost nearly getting me fired from my job. My dog is a small poodle/bichon frise and he is well trained. So much so that in one instance I had to chase her dog down, my dog sat in the same spot (as I instructed him to) the whole 10 minutes I chased her dog around the complex. Two of my neighbors in three separate instances had to get her dog for me because I eventually just give up and leave her dog outside because I know she will wait at the door and whine.
Well, I got fed up after the fourth instance and I needed to bring this up to my cousin and try to find some solution. So the other day while I’m changing the radiator to my car in the parking lot of the complex, I notice she comes home and says what’s up to me. At this moment I stopped working on my car to let her know that she needs to be more present in her own dogs life because I cannot keep taking care of her dog ALL THE TIME because of her negligence to do it herself. As I’m telling her this, she tries to shift the goal post and bring up that my dog isn’t trained because he pees in the house. The difference here is that I’m always there to clean it up and he pees in his cage (she doesn’t even have a cage for her dog) because one of us isn’t there for a long enough period to clean it up because I work very long hours, but regardless there isn’t a single night that I haven’t been here and slept here. This is my apartment and I don’t have a partners house to go sleep at so I have to come home every day. I will admit I was wrong when I started having a rude tone when I’m telling her that she needs to take accountability for the issue at hand and not divert the issue onto me. It’s at that point she starts getting loud and cussing at me in the parking lot and we essentially are going back n forth outside for a little second before she goes inside. I go back to replacing my radiator and while I’m doing that, I sit and think to myself that I should apologize to her for my tonality and delivery because ultimately, I need a solution to the problem.
So I go upstairs to try to talk to her and I knock on the door three times for her to let me in because the door was locked. She didn’t answer the door and I know she heard me knocking because she didn’t have earbuds in and my dog was barking multiple times because I was knocking the door (he doesn’t bark otherwise because I have a bark collar on him). Luckily I remembered I left my keys outside on my toolbox and I get in the apartment. It’s at this moment I explode and open her rooms door to tell her not to lock me out of my own apartment because she was being petty. She’s yelling at the top of her lungs to tell me to get out of her room. In the midst of this, I thought I dropped my earbud in the doorway of her messy room (clothes and random objects EVERYWHERE on the floor) and I’m repeatedly telling her that I need my earbud and I’ll leave and she’s not listening and just keeps telling me to get out.
It’s at this point it becomes physical and she starts to shove and push me out of the doorway, and I’m telling her just grab my earbud but she starts to escalate the physicality and punch me and grab my hair trying to pull it out. I had not laid a single hand on her up until this point because I don’t hit women or anyone for that matter over a verbal altercation, and I had to wrestle her to the ground to calm her down and to get her to stop attacking me. She then bites both of my arms TWICE to the point that her teeth sink into both arms. I will provide images.
After a minute of this, I push her off of me completely and tell her that I’m going to call the cops for hitting me and she just doesn’t care, I didn’t and I ended up going outside to my car and calling my uncle (her dad) and he basically told me that this is just behavior that’s typical of her. Despite all of this, I try to go upstairs again to talk to her in a calm manner and apologize so we can talk things out because 1. We’re cousins and this is unacceptable behavior, and 2. We literally live together and we can’t live together with this kind of tension. She wasn’t having it, before I could even finish my sentence, she just continually starts screaming at the top of her lungs telling me to get out and that she hates me (mind you, we have neighbors and it’s 11pm at night), so I eventually just leave to go finish working on my car.
You remember when I said I didn’t call the cops? Well, I didn’t need to call the cops, because as I started back working on my car, the cops arrived in the parking lot and they told me the neighbors called because of a noise complaint. So I give them a rundown of the situation in a calm manner outside, and they automatically start to ask me if she has any bruises or marks and I tell them that I’m not sure but I show them the marks I have on my knee, the bite marks on both my arms, and they can clearly see my hair is messed up from her trying to pull my dreads from scalp. So the cops try to go upstairs to talk to her and they’re knocking on the door but she’s not coming to the door, but I let them in and I try to tell her the cops want her side of the situation, but she’s trying to storm past them and literally tells them she’s not talking to them. They were blocking the door but eventually let her leave when they realize that she’s just not going to cooperate with them. When she drives off and leaves with her dog, they then proceed to ask me if I want to press charges and initially I tell them no because I don’t want to ruin her clean record and they inform me that if I changed my mind that I have like 20 days to file a report.
Well I get off work the next day and find she’s home for once with her dog and I’m still wanting to talk things out because she’s family and I have unconditional love for my family, but she tells me multiple times that there’s nothing to talk about and she doesn’t consider me family anymore because I “disrespected” her. Cool.
I’ve asked multiple people in my family if I should press charges and everyone but my mom said no, but I genuinely feel she needs to take accountability for getting physical with me when I didn’t touch her at all prior to defending myself. This is not the first time she’s had issues regulating her emotions and it surely won’t be the last.
Would I ultimately be the asshole if I did press charges on her?
2024.05.21 17:52 Euphoric-Studio-1364 i’m struggling with motherhood.
i love my son, i really do. he is the light in my life. but, i feel like he’d be better off not in my care sometimes…. i very recently became a single mother, as in, 2 weeks ago. in this 2 weeks, my entire life has practically flipped upside down. because my bd took the vehicle, i lost my job & my mode of transportation, we have almost nothing to eat in this house. thankfully, there is a church pantry on Friday but, in the meantime, i’m not sure what we’re going to do. my son needs new shoes that his dad was going to be buy him before he left but, that didn’t happen. being that i was a waitress & only worked 15 hours a week, i unfortunately do not have savings so, i have nothing to fall back on. my bd has blocked me on everything & i have no idea where he is.
i feel like my son would be better with someone who could provide more for him… i love him so much but, his birthday is on the 2nd & i can’t do anything then either, he needs food, new shoes, etc. everything just got flipped upside in the matter of weeks & i’m so overwhelmed. my son deserves so much better than this. i really just needed to vent but, any advice would be so helpful as well. i’m a 23 year old single mom whose new to the area & i don’t have friends/family/anyone i can ask for advice….
submitted by Euphoric-Studio-1364 to offmychest [link] [comments]
i feel like my son would be better with someone who could provide more for him… i love him so much but, his birthday is on the 2nd & i can’t do anything then either, he needs food, new shoes, etc. everything just got flipped upside in the matter of weeks & i’m so overwhelmed. my son deserves so much better than this. i really just needed to vent but, any advice would be so helpful as well. i’m a 23 year old single mom whose new to the area & i don’t have friends/family/anyone i can ask for advice….
2024.05.21 17:52 Euphoric-Studio-1364 i’m struggling with motherhood.
i love my son, i really do. he is the light in my life. but, i feel like he’d be better off not in my care sometimes…. i very recently became a single mother, as in, 2 weeks ago. in this 2 weeks, my entire life has practically flipped upside down. because my bd took the vehicle, i lost my job & my mode of transportation, we have almost nothing to eat in this house. thankfully, there is a church pantry on Friday but, in the meantime, i’m not sure what we’re going to do. my son needs new shoes that his dad was going to be buy him before he left but, that didn’t happen. being that i was a waitress & only worked 15 hours a week, i unfortunately do not have savings so, i have nothing to fall back on. my bd has blocked me on everything & i have no idea where he is.
i feel like my son would be better with someone who could provide more for him… i love him so much but, his birthday is on the 2nd & i can’t do anything then either, he needs food, new shoes, etc. everything just got flipped upside in the matter of weeks & i’m so overwhelmed. my son deserves so much better than this. i really just needed to vent. i’m a 23 year old single mom whose new to the area & i don’t have friends/family/anyone i can talk to.
submitted by Euphoric-Studio-1364 to Vent [link] [comments]
i feel like my son would be better with someone who could provide more for him… i love him so much but, his birthday is on the 2nd & i can’t do anything then either, he needs food, new shoes, etc. everything just got flipped upside in the matter of weeks & i’m so overwhelmed. my son deserves so much better than this. i really just needed to vent. i’m a 23 year old single mom whose new to the area & i don’t have friends/family/anyone i can talk to.
2024.05.21 17:52 Valuable_Smell_8820 Pam’s message
 | submitted by Valuable_Smell_8820 to PWebbssnark [link] [comments] |
2024.05.21 17:51 Euphoric-Studio-1364 i’m struggling with motherhood.
i love my son, i really do. he is the light in my life. but, i feel like he’d be better off not in my care sometimes…. i very recently became a single mother, as in, 2 weeks ago. in this 2 weeks, my entire life has practically flipped upside down. because my bd took the vehicle, i lost my job & my mode of transportation, we have almost nothing to eat in this house. thankfully, there is a church pantry on Friday but, in the meantime, i’m not sure what we’re going to do. my son needs new shoes that his dad was going to be buy him before he left but, that didn’t happen. being that i was a waitress & only worked 15 hours a week, i unfortunately do not have savings so, i have nothing to fall back on. my bd has blocked me on everything & i have no idea where he is.
i feel like my son would be better with someone who could provide more for him… i love him so much but, his birthday is on the 2nd & i can’t do anything then either, he needs food, new shoes, etc. everything just got flipped upside in the matter of weeks & i’m so overwhelmed. my son deserves so much better than this. i really just needed to vent but, any advice would be so helpful as well. i’m a 23 year old single mom whose new to the area & i don’t have friends/family/anyone i can ask for advice….
submitted by Euphoric-Studio-1364 to Advice [link] [comments]
i feel like my son would be better with someone who could provide more for him… i love him so much but, his birthday is on the 2nd & i can’t do anything then either, he needs food, new shoes, etc. everything just got flipped upside in the matter of weeks & i’m so overwhelmed. my son deserves so much better than this. i really just needed to vent but, any advice would be so helpful as well. i’m a 23 year old single mom whose new to the area & i don’t have friends/family/anyone i can ask for advice….
2024.05.21 17:46 Some_Internet_Random Youth Sports and Saying No
First off, I know I’m within my legal rights to say no. But I want to discuss the practicality of it and get some insight from anyone that has gone through a similar situation and how it went.
My son plays a contact sport, and it essentially is a year round commitment. The seasons run from late August to Late May and there’s always camps and little trainings to do in the summer. He loves it, and the joy he gets from it is worth a lot of time sacrificed.
Son was asking about playing a second sport for the spring. Another contact sport, nonetheless. I objected to this as having been an athlete in the past, I understand the value of physical rest, mental rest, and sleep. I said he should play one or the other, but not both.
Co-parent is very adversarial with me and plays a lot of parental alienation type games. We had a (rare) conversation about second sport and i truly thought we were on the same page. Son kept asking and I finally told him that his mother and I don’t think it’s best. Which of course he says “mom says you’re the one saying no”. She always tries to portray me in a negative light. Needless to say, he went back to her house that night, likely relayed our conversation, and I got a text that night saying she signed him up. When we argued about it she said “well then don’t take him on your time”. Which is a bluff that she knows I won’t call.
Until now. Main sport season ended over the weekend, and second sport ends within the next 10 days. These last two months he has had an insane schedule as each practices 2-3x per week plus 1-2 games per week. He’s tired, he often doesn’t want to go to second sport practices, etc. He told me a few weeks ago that he’s glad he tried second sport, but he’s too busy and he doesn’t want do both at the same time anymore. Cool, let’s just get through this season and we’ll all chalk it up as a lesson learned.
Well suddenly my son is talking about second sport next season, potential position changes, etc. When i started to shut that down, he got upset with me. Whatever though, I’m the parent and I have to make the decisions in his best interest.
There’s no point in saying anything just yet as this situation could resolve itself in the next 6-8 months anyway. But next February/March when second sport conversation comes up I am going to put my foot down. He can choose whichever sport he wants to do, but on my time he will only go to the one sport he chooses.
I’m 95% sure his mother will not sign him up if I put my foot down. It’s a golden opportunity for her to paint me as the bad guy. But I don’t care, parenting is about making the right decisions even when they are tough decisions.
I know lots of parents run their kids through multiple sports at once and it’s fine. But it doesn’t work for my child. He also has a lot of interests outside of sports and warm weather (we are northern climate) gets him thinking about those other things he loves.
Anyone else been through this?
submitted by Some_Internet_Random to coparenting [link] [comments]
My son plays a contact sport, and it essentially is a year round commitment. The seasons run from late August to Late May and there’s always camps and little trainings to do in the summer. He loves it, and the joy he gets from it is worth a lot of time sacrificed.
Son was asking about playing a second sport for the spring. Another contact sport, nonetheless. I objected to this as having been an athlete in the past, I understand the value of physical rest, mental rest, and sleep. I said he should play one or the other, but not both.
Co-parent is very adversarial with me and plays a lot of parental alienation type games. We had a (rare) conversation about second sport and i truly thought we were on the same page. Son kept asking and I finally told him that his mother and I don’t think it’s best. Which of course he says “mom says you’re the one saying no”. She always tries to portray me in a negative light. Needless to say, he went back to her house that night, likely relayed our conversation, and I got a text that night saying she signed him up. When we argued about it she said “well then don’t take him on your time”. Which is a bluff that she knows I won’t call.
Until now. Main sport season ended over the weekend, and second sport ends within the next 10 days. These last two months he has had an insane schedule as each practices 2-3x per week plus 1-2 games per week. He’s tired, he often doesn’t want to go to second sport practices, etc. He told me a few weeks ago that he’s glad he tried second sport, but he’s too busy and he doesn’t want do both at the same time anymore. Cool, let’s just get through this season and we’ll all chalk it up as a lesson learned.
Well suddenly my son is talking about second sport next season, potential position changes, etc. When i started to shut that down, he got upset with me. Whatever though, I’m the parent and I have to make the decisions in his best interest.
There’s no point in saying anything just yet as this situation could resolve itself in the next 6-8 months anyway. But next February/March when second sport conversation comes up I am going to put my foot down. He can choose whichever sport he wants to do, but on my time he will only go to the one sport he chooses.
I’m 95% sure his mother will not sign him up if I put my foot down. It’s a golden opportunity for her to paint me as the bad guy. But I don’t care, parenting is about making the right decisions even when they are tough decisions.
I know lots of parents run their kids through multiple sports at once and it’s fine. But it doesn’t work for my child. He also has a lot of interests outside of sports and warm weather (we are northern climate) gets him thinking about those other things he loves.
Anyone else been through this?
2024.05.21 17:44 Topbottomsideside A reminder for everyone
Anyone that’s followed my posts on here knows that this hasn’t been easy for me.
Hell… it’s not easy for anyone. Not a single one of us were prepared for what we’re going through and know how to go about it.
Personally it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever went through and it’s still not really letting up. It’s not easing up because it’s either the next “last” thing or it’s the first thing “new” thing.
As an example my kids and I just met my wife’s girlfriend and her kids for the first time a few days ago. I was not looking forward to it, dreaded it for weeks as the days counted down. As we got closer to the destination where we were meeting up my anxious tick of rubbing my fingers and thumb together started going crazy and I was nearly in tears because the trip there was the last I would see us as my old family and once we got there I would witness the start of their new family. (Just for context I was invited to come, not forced.) it was extremely hard. The girlfriend and I were both really nervous so we didn’t really speak but were polite and my wife and her were caring enough not to be super coupley in front of me because they didn’t want to make it any harder on me which I appreciate. It was very difficult but I made it through. And the girlfriend’s kids were awesome and our kids practically made new best friends with them. They even let me play with them and I got an unexpected hug and got to joke around with them. This isn’t what I wanted by any means but they included me in this new “first”, not in a hateful throw it in my face kind of way but in a “you can and we would like you to be involved in this” kind of way. I’m not being forgotten, I’m not being tossed to the side like trash. This is just how it is now but I’m able to be involved if I wish to be. I was even told about a conversation my ex and her gf had about gfs son when he grows older who’s going to teach him how to shave (I never actually thought about that before) and the gf asked my ex if maybe I would be willing to teach him when the time came. And honestly I think I’d be okay with that. Although the day really hurt and was really tough and I never would want anyone to go through this, it ended up being I think a success. I made it through, they were considerate of me, and the kids loved it.
But…… just the day before I blew out my voice because I had been made so angry I had to go for a drive to try and calm down and not explode around my kids. While driving I just started screaming and ended up ruining my voice. That was 4 days ago and it’s still pretty bad.
There’s bad days and worse days. And if you’re lucky every now and then there’s a good day. 7 months in people are finally coming out and quieting showing me support through texts and telling me their thoughts and hopes that I’ll be okay and saying they care about me. This whole time I’ve only heard support for her for the most part. It’s finally feeling like I haven’t been forgotten in all of this and what I’m going through is being acknowledged and I’m being told their proud of me for what I’ve done and how I’ve done it. It doesn’t fix anything but it feels nice to finally be seen a bit in all this.
And then today is my birthday. And I woke up with my youngest coming into the living room telling me happy birthday as I climbed off my couch/bed. I was given gifts by my family, my kids and my ex. And we’re spending the day doing some stuff together.
This post might seem like it’s all over the place because…. It is. And that’s the type of “journey” we’re going to have through all of this. It’s all ups and downs, back and forth, bad/baddeworst/ and hopefully some good here and there. It’s fucking crazy and doesn’t make sense.
But my main purpose of this post is that I want to remind everyone that everyone’s journey is going to be different. I think I’ve said before that my situation is unique in a unique situation. I’m not dealing with just a normal divorce, I’m dealing with a divorce where my wife came out as gay, and not only that but we had a good marriage were we worked well together and weren’t fighting, but also were trying to make this all work out and us still be best friends while being good for the kids. Not everyone’s scenario is going to be like mine, we have different goals, different endings, different path, and all of this with different people.
I’ve been told by many many people that I should pretty much burn my ex at the stake, take the kids and run, she’s the devil and is a horrible person, and whatever. That’s not necessarily my scenario or my/our goal in all of this so that advice doesn’t help. But in some cases for others that may be the advice that’s needed.
All this to say, do what is best for you in your situation. Do what’s best for yourself and your specific relationships. We’re all in this together but remember we are all in different places coming from different unique situations in our unique situations.
I know I’ve got ALOT more pain still to go through, I’m not past all of this yet. I have a lot more new “firsts” to navigate. Come tomorrow I might be back on here crying.
But that’s okay.
And it’s okay for all of you to be crazy and feel different every day/houminute/second.
Try and be kind and patient. It’s a lot easier said than done but just keep trying.
submitted by Topbottomsideside to straightspouses [link] [comments]
Hell… it’s not easy for anyone. Not a single one of us were prepared for what we’re going through and know how to go about it.
Personally it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever went through and it’s still not really letting up. It’s not easing up because it’s either the next “last” thing or it’s the first thing “new” thing.
As an example my kids and I just met my wife’s girlfriend and her kids for the first time a few days ago. I was not looking forward to it, dreaded it for weeks as the days counted down. As we got closer to the destination where we were meeting up my anxious tick of rubbing my fingers and thumb together started going crazy and I was nearly in tears because the trip there was the last I would see us as my old family and once we got there I would witness the start of their new family. (Just for context I was invited to come, not forced.) it was extremely hard. The girlfriend and I were both really nervous so we didn’t really speak but were polite and my wife and her were caring enough not to be super coupley in front of me because they didn’t want to make it any harder on me which I appreciate. It was very difficult but I made it through. And the girlfriend’s kids were awesome and our kids practically made new best friends with them. They even let me play with them and I got an unexpected hug and got to joke around with them. This isn’t what I wanted by any means but they included me in this new “first”, not in a hateful throw it in my face kind of way but in a “you can and we would like you to be involved in this” kind of way. I’m not being forgotten, I’m not being tossed to the side like trash. This is just how it is now but I’m able to be involved if I wish to be. I was even told about a conversation my ex and her gf had about gfs son when he grows older who’s going to teach him how to shave (I never actually thought about that before) and the gf asked my ex if maybe I would be willing to teach him when the time came. And honestly I think I’d be okay with that. Although the day really hurt and was really tough and I never would want anyone to go through this, it ended up being I think a success. I made it through, they were considerate of me, and the kids loved it.
But…… just the day before I blew out my voice because I had been made so angry I had to go for a drive to try and calm down and not explode around my kids. While driving I just started screaming and ended up ruining my voice. That was 4 days ago and it’s still pretty bad.
There’s bad days and worse days. And if you’re lucky every now and then there’s a good day. 7 months in people are finally coming out and quieting showing me support through texts and telling me their thoughts and hopes that I’ll be okay and saying they care about me. This whole time I’ve only heard support for her for the most part. It’s finally feeling like I haven’t been forgotten in all of this and what I’m going through is being acknowledged and I’m being told their proud of me for what I’ve done and how I’ve done it. It doesn’t fix anything but it feels nice to finally be seen a bit in all this.
And then today is my birthday. And I woke up with my youngest coming into the living room telling me happy birthday as I climbed off my couch/bed. I was given gifts by my family, my kids and my ex. And we’re spending the day doing some stuff together.
This post might seem like it’s all over the place because…. It is. And that’s the type of “journey” we’re going to have through all of this. It’s all ups and downs, back and forth, bad/baddeworst/ and hopefully some good here and there. It’s fucking crazy and doesn’t make sense.
But my main purpose of this post is that I want to remind everyone that everyone’s journey is going to be different. I think I’ve said before that my situation is unique in a unique situation. I’m not dealing with just a normal divorce, I’m dealing with a divorce where my wife came out as gay, and not only that but we had a good marriage were we worked well together and weren’t fighting, but also were trying to make this all work out and us still be best friends while being good for the kids. Not everyone’s scenario is going to be like mine, we have different goals, different endings, different path, and all of this with different people.
I’ve been told by many many people that I should pretty much burn my ex at the stake, take the kids and run, she’s the devil and is a horrible person, and whatever. That’s not necessarily my scenario or my/our goal in all of this so that advice doesn’t help. But in some cases for others that may be the advice that’s needed.
All this to say, do what is best for you in your situation. Do what’s best for yourself and your specific relationships. We’re all in this together but remember we are all in different places coming from different unique situations in our unique situations.
I know I’ve got ALOT more pain still to go through, I’m not past all of this yet. I have a lot more new “firsts” to navigate. Come tomorrow I might be back on here crying.
But that’s okay.
And it’s okay for all of you to be crazy and feel different every day/houminute/second.
Try and be kind and patient. It’s a lot easier said than done but just keep trying.
2024.05.21 17:41 001mad001 Pumping problems
I am having some difficulty with breast pumping and need some advice. My son is about a month old. I have been struggling pretty bad with my mental health lately, and I am also the sole caretaker of my son, his father is at work most of the time and we have nobody else in our life nearby. Due to the overwhelming stress combined with second night syndrome, I began combo feeding despite wanting to EBF. I now feed about 95-97% formula with maybe 4 oz of BM on a good day. I pump about 3-4 times a day which I know isn't nearly enough but I am always so tired and I don't understand how other moms can wake themselves up throughout the night to pump, I feel like I just don't have the discipline to do so. That being said, I have constant anxiety and guilt over giving my son formula, and he gets diaper rash on and off that is really painful for him. We have tried everything to mitigate the diaper rash but it just comes back within days anyway for whatever reason.
I would like to rebuild my milk supply and become more frequent and disciplined in how much I pump per day, but getting there is so difficult mentally. Whenever I go to wash my pump parts/pump I feel like I'm frozen in place. I just want to do whats best for my son and I feel so shitty that I am taking the lazy way out. IDK why I feel this way because I don't judge other moms who use formula but it makes me feel so bad when I do it. The thought of my milk drying up also makes me so emotional because it makes me feel like my baby is growing up too fast. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.
submitted by 001mad001 to beyondthebump [link] [comments]
I would like to rebuild my milk supply and become more frequent and disciplined in how much I pump per day, but getting there is so difficult mentally. Whenever I go to wash my pump parts/pump I feel like I'm frozen in place. I just want to do whats best for my son and I feel so shitty that I am taking the lazy way out. IDK why I feel this way because I don't judge other moms who use formula but it makes me feel so bad when I do it. The thought of my milk drying up also makes me so emotional because it makes me feel like my baby is growing up too fast. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.
2024.05.21 17:40 Conscious_Carpet5234 what do i F21 do about my M25 boyfriend?
I 21F am dating my coworker and best friend M25 and i don’t know how to break it off.
So back in fall of last year i broke up with my long term 4 yr boyfriend (M21)and since then i feel like my life’s been falling apart. he was really the only boyfriend i’ve had longer than a month or so, so we kinda went through all of highschool and our young adult life together. he was my person, i had no doubt i was going to spend my life with him and never really imagined what i would do if we broke up. i just knew we had resentment in the relationship from past stuff he did and i wanted a break to heal from it so i didn’t just take it out on him. in that time at the beginning i had people in my life i thought we’re helping me do that the right way, but if anything all of them just led me away from him and i made rlly poor decisions. i know i’m a bit blind to what he’s done and i have good people in my life now that show me that but i feel like everyone makes mistakes and i did too. i feel bad cause i said some hurtful things when i found out some stuff and everyday i wish i could tell him i’m sorry for it. i know i shouldnt feel the longing i feel for him while i’m in a relationship but my current boyfriend was one of the people i had in the beginning. the people i thought knew best cause they had life experience. although he was always by my side and held me through my hurt, i told him i wanted nothing like that with him and i was still healing. eventually i had to move out of my ex’s and i’s house and one of those friends at the time wanted to move out aswell. we roomed after my lease ended and pretty immediately this guy i’ve never met in the ten years i’ve known her starts living there. not just visiting all the time or sleeping there, living. mind you this home was 90% furnished with my stuff cause she wasn’t moved out on her own for the past few years like i had. he home while she’s not, constantly showering, cooking with my food and dishes, and i’m an open book i love sharing my home and life plus he was nice to her so i didn’t really care. but after the bills shot up a combined 200+ since the month before he wasn’t living there i asked if he couldn’t maybe clean and pay maybe 2-300 w month. she wasn’t happy with that and it caused some other fights, her threading me, putting photos of my neck slashed on the walls. i eventually had to get her mom involved cause she would block and unblock me to send nasty texts and we agreed she needed to live back home since she couldn’t qualify on her own anyways. i had to get another roommate and take over and atp my now boyfriend insisted. now i’m in a lease living with him.
i know it sounds horrible but i don’t know what to do. he’s great to live with and him helping me around the house has been such a huge stress reliever. but it doesn’t make my feelings just go away. everytime i would mention how i don’t feel comfortable being in a relationship he would say “it’s ok i understand” then invited me to his grandparents. i would say i need more time but then he would ask why he wasn’t enough. after a while everyone kept shitting on him for moving in with me while not being in a relationship. it wasn’t him ever “not being enough” it was me just not over my ex. and i keep trying to tell him that. little by little i tell him im unhappy, im miserable, i don’t want to live in this house. but every time he says we will get though it together and i just need more time. but i’ve been feeling like this for months. i have no one to really talk to about it and i’ve just been trying to wait it out, for it to get better, but it’s not.
so i I know what i need to do and what i want to do i just don’t know how. there’s so many thoughts and possibilities going on in my head. if i break up with him we work together so i see him everyday, we live together so i’ll either have to have him live in the other room or move out, but i don’t have the money to live by myself so i can’t even afford for him to move out. oh and he also doesn’t drive so i don’t know how he would afford all the ubers home, and i would most likely just take him to and from like i’ve been doing out of empathy. and what if he moves out and we are still working together? how would he ever get another job if he doesn’t have a car? i also just feel really bad. i think about how to let him down easy so he can be ok with it but there’s just no way. i know why people in movies act like jerks before so the other person isn’t so hurt but i know from experience that doesn’t work. he’s a great guy and rlly sweet i just didn’t want this.
i feel trapped. i don’t know what to do
submitted by Conscious_Carpet5234 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
So back in fall of last year i broke up with my long term 4 yr boyfriend (M21)and since then i feel like my life’s been falling apart. he was really the only boyfriend i’ve had longer than a month or so, so we kinda went through all of highschool and our young adult life together. he was my person, i had no doubt i was going to spend my life with him and never really imagined what i would do if we broke up. i just knew we had resentment in the relationship from past stuff he did and i wanted a break to heal from it so i didn’t just take it out on him. in that time at the beginning i had people in my life i thought we’re helping me do that the right way, but if anything all of them just led me away from him and i made rlly poor decisions. i know i’m a bit blind to what he’s done and i have good people in my life now that show me that but i feel like everyone makes mistakes and i did too. i feel bad cause i said some hurtful things when i found out some stuff and everyday i wish i could tell him i’m sorry for it. i know i shouldnt feel the longing i feel for him while i’m in a relationship but my current boyfriend was one of the people i had in the beginning. the people i thought knew best cause they had life experience. although he was always by my side and held me through my hurt, i told him i wanted nothing like that with him and i was still healing. eventually i had to move out of my ex’s and i’s house and one of those friends at the time wanted to move out aswell. we roomed after my lease ended and pretty immediately this guy i’ve never met in the ten years i’ve known her starts living there. not just visiting all the time or sleeping there, living. mind you this home was 90% furnished with my stuff cause she wasn’t moved out on her own for the past few years like i had. he home while she’s not, constantly showering, cooking with my food and dishes, and i’m an open book i love sharing my home and life plus he was nice to her so i didn’t really care. but after the bills shot up a combined 200+ since the month before he wasn’t living there i asked if he couldn’t maybe clean and pay maybe 2-300 w month. she wasn’t happy with that and it caused some other fights, her threading me, putting photos of my neck slashed on the walls. i eventually had to get her mom involved cause she would block and unblock me to send nasty texts and we agreed she needed to live back home since she couldn’t qualify on her own anyways. i had to get another roommate and take over and atp my now boyfriend insisted. now i’m in a lease living with him.
i know it sounds horrible but i don’t know what to do. he’s great to live with and him helping me around the house has been such a huge stress reliever. but it doesn’t make my feelings just go away. everytime i would mention how i don’t feel comfortable being in a relationship he would say “it’s ok i understand” then invited me to his grandparents. i would say i need more time but then he would ask why he wasn’t enough. after a while everyone kept shitting on him for moving in with me while not being in a relationship. it wasn’t him ever “not being enough” it was me just not over my ex. and i keep trying to tell him that. little by little i tell him im unhappy, im miserable, i don’t want to live in this house. but every time he says we will get though it together and i just need more time. but i’ve been feeling like this for months. i have no one to really talk to about it and i’ve just been trying to wait it out, for it to get better, but it’s not.
so i I know what i need to do and what i want to do i just don’t know how. there’s so many thoughts and possibilities going on in my head. if i break up with him we work together so i see him everyday, we live together so i’ll either have to have him live in the other room or move out, but i don’t have the money to live by myself so i can’t even afford for him to move out. oh and he also doesn’t drive so i don’t know how he would afford all the ubers home, and i would most likely just take him to and from like i’ve been doing out of empathy. and what if he moves out and we are still working together? how would he ever get another job if he doesn’t have a car? i also just feel really bad. i think about how to let him down easy so he can be ok with it but there’s just no way. i know why people in movies act like jerks before so the other person isn’t so hurt but i know from experience that doesn’t work. he’s a great guy and rlly sweet i just didn’t want this.
i feel trapped. i don’t know what to do
2024.05.21 17:35 FerrymanOfNight [Re-Intro] Micah Di Santis - Never challenge Death to a pillow fight!
Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.
appearance
description: Micah is a fairly restrained person when it comes to clothes. Usually, he'd only grab a long-sleeved shirt and some jeans, feeling content. Most of his clothing is fairly average, what with them being of all sorts of muted colors and sorts of clothing. He isn't used to expressing himself whether it is though clothing or other methods.
equipment:
* – modmailed / custom
b) Shadow Camouflage; From a fairly young age, Micah wasn't much of a social butterfly. Most of the time, he felt most comfortable in a shadowy nook where the lines of his body would be broken by shadows, using the ability unconsciously. After his near-death experience, Micah became more aware of his ability to hide in shadows and learned to use it more effectively than before.
c) Shadow Travel\;* After an unknowably long amount of time spent in Hades, Micah's father, Charon, was aligned with the underworld to which he led the souls of the dead. Similarly, Micah has inherited the ability to travel through shadows in short or long-range teleports.
b) Death Buff\;* Being a servant of the God of the Dead, it only makes sense that Charon would draw his own power from his master. As such, Micah has inherited a trait where he becomes stronger when around children of other deities of death, such as Hades, Melinoe, Zagreus, the Oneiroi, etc.
c) Aura of the Harbinger\;* Being a multifaceted deity, Charon passed down his multifacetedness in the form of an aura ability. Micah has the ability to project an aura with two opposite effects that work on separate targets. A calming effect affects any spirits within the aura while an imposing effect like that of Children of Hades affects living beings within the aura's range.
personality
Micah is about as quiet as you'd expect from a Chthonic kid. That isn't to say that he is particularly serious or brooding, in fact, even when he's upset, he rarely does either. He mainly remains silent because he isn't particularly talented at talking. His reactions to most things tend to be a bit muted unless something is especially funny or angering. Any of the kids that liked him or trusted him in Sicily did so because they understood that when it was needed, Micah would talk as much as was needed and would do what needed to be done to keep everyone safe.
Fatal Flaw; Vengefulness
backstory
Micah's past year at camp had been simultaneously the most relaxing and confusing year of his life. There had been a unfamiliarity that Micah had with anything to do with relaxation or really anything but working that had slowly melted away. He'd made friends and discovered passions that might have otherwise gone ignored for the rest of his life (Art was definitely one of those).
So, when school started to take over his time, Micah barely gave it any thought, settling back into his old work mentality, though now focused on mental instead of physical labor. Before he knew it, it was summer, school was out, and he was back at the start, not knowing how to get himself to relax.
now
Micah stared at the ground around the Range target blankly, the celestial bronze knives scattered around it refracting light. He was jolted out of his mental haze when a camper a few rows down yelled at him for standing in front of the target for so long. Quickly finishing up gathering his throwing knives, Micah slotted them into his bandolier and left the Range.
For a while, he just walked, until he reached the pier. Boats had been a constant of Micah's life before coming to camp and when he was really out of it or off his rocker, the son of Charon liked to settle at the camp pier and imagine what sort of sea vessel he'd design for himself. Aesthetics might not have mattered to everyone but to Micah, they did. The ship would have to look as good as it sailed.
Now, he fell onto his back in the sand a few meters from the pier and stared up at the sky. Barely any clouds. Gods that was boring.
(Credit to u/FireyRage for the amazing intro format.)
submitted by FerrymanOfNight to CampHalfBloodRP [link] [comments]
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
― Mark Twain
| general information | additional information |
|---|---|
| name: Micah Di Santis | preferred name: Myka, Mike |
| d.o.b.: 10 June 20XX | age: 16 |
| nationality: Sicilian | hometown: Sicily, Italy |
| gender identity: cis-male | gender expression: male |
| sexual orientation: Undecided | preferred pronouns: he / him / his |
- Half-blood- and non-half-blood-related conundrums: ADHD (attention deficiency and hyperactivity disorder), Dyslexia
| relation | name/s | age | relationship |
|---|---|---|---|
| divine parent | Charon, The Ferryman | old | Micah still has no idea what to think about his dad. Speaking with him during the visit to Olympus did nothing to clear things up. The man, or was it immortal, was blunt and yet, his son's opinion of him was still up in the air, though leaning more to the positive side. At least Micah has the connections to get himself an admittedly fantastic tailored suit. |
| mortal parent | ??? | ??? | Micah has no idea who his biological mother is. The only reason he knew who his father was before he came to camp was because the spirits told him. |
| mortal adoptive parent | Maria Di Santis | 32 years old | If Marco was a saint then Maria was a saintess through and through. Everything she did, she did with someone else in mind. From the day she adopted Micah to the moment Marco died, Micah did not see her cry for herself at all. She'd cry when a little boy got hurt and would offer help or cry when she saw a cat get kicked by some drunk douchebag. |
| mortal adoptive parent | Vincino (Vinny) Bertelli | 37 years old | Vincino is an absurdly rich man who was born and raised in Sicily. He found Maira through her singing on the side of the road to raise money for Micah's trip to the US. He offered to take her in because he liked her and sponsored Micah's trip by giving him some money and a ticket onto a transatlantic cruise ship headed to New York City. All things considered, he's a kind and considerate man who loves Maria. |
| adoptive brother | Marco Di Santis | Marco Di Santis was a saint. Ever since he learned the word 'kindness', he was absorbed and defined by it. He loved seeing the smiles bloom on people's faces when he shared some bread or helped them with something but what he truly loved more than anything else was sailing and playing the piano. He was handsome beyond reason, having pale blonde hair and clear blue eyes, though he never had a chance to grow into it fully. | |
| dead guy | Chris | Like Marco, Chris is one big ball of sunshine. The only difference is he's a ghost. Micah met Chris on the cruise he stowed away on to get to the US and the ghost promptly joined him, though reluctantly because he was watching over his parents and little brother, due to finding him interesting. Like Marco, Chris is handsome though he had more time to grow into his looks. Framed by golden hair and chocolate brown eyes, Micah wouldn't have doubted it if the boy was very popular during his living days. | |
| friend | Willow 'Will' Crest | 16 years old | One of the more laid-back campers Micah had met, Willow became something of a friend to the son of Charon, though they started off more as discussion partners than anything else. And besides, being chill-buddies is pretty fun on its own. Who knows where things can go from there? |
| friend | Rachel 'Rocky' Williams | 17 years old | Rocky was one of the first people Micah met upon arriving at camp and her enthusiasm, uncharacteristic for a child of a chthonic god, immediately made her stand out. Though he genuinely has no idea what goes through Rocky's head, Micah considers them close, and okay, maybe he has a minuscule crush on her. |
| friend/former cabin-mate | Ramona Herrera | 16 years old | Being another camper who met Micah's criteria for friendship (i.e. Be chill and relax), Ramona is someone who Micah doesn't know too much about. Much like Kit, who Micah has seen around camp and the Hermes Cabin, she is a mystery to him. Though he does enjoy trying to spot which corner she's hiding in at any given camp gathering. |
| acquaintance (?) | Mathew Knight | 15 years old | Matt is, as far as friendship is concerned, a work-in-progress. Micah's father had recommended getting to know the son of Hades and though he'd lost himself in school shortly after, Micah had made introductions. |
| faceclaim | height | weight | hair | eyes | skin |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| FC, Art by Charlie Bowater | 5’11” | Doesn't care | Black | Amber, fiery like gold | Lightly tanned, peppered with a few more recent thin scars from his time at camp |
equipment:
- Folding Knife; The cleaver-shaped folding knife was a present from his brother and Micah has taken to using it for almost everything in his day to day. When his mother fell ill after Marco's death, Micah had to scrub the docks, cut rope to secure the boats, and even got to work on some boats during outings for extra cash. The knife became like a lifeline, being used for everything he had to do.
- Bead Necklace; Micah has been at camp for a year now.
- Monster Directory; Over the years, Micah has seen one or two monsters in their undisguised forms and has taken to keeping note of them by drawing them in as great a detail as he can remember in a separate notebook from the rest of his drawings while also making notes of tactics that worked against them.
- Sketchbook; Ever since he started drawing, Micah has had a good amount of sketchbooks, most of which he donated to orphanages in Sicily for the little kids to enjoy the drawings if they weren't destroyed by seawater or other kids. After he donated his last one with a few pages blank at the end, he got himself a new book, this one being leather-bound and practically a blank slate. He's glad to have an abundance of space to draw as his story unfolds.
- Art Supplies; A good amount of colored and uncolored pencils, all in different states of use, either dull or sharp, long or short, and an eraser in a dark brown leather box.
- Satchel; The over-the-shoulder bag Micah carries around with all of his items. It's nothing special, just an olive green bag with a good amount of compartments and space.
- Throwing Knife Bandolier; Micah's choice of weapon, the bandolier he carries is easy to hide under civilian clothes, fast to access, and easy to use. The knives are of standard make and easily replaceable with others from the armory, though Micah tends to clean and sharpen them himself after each use.
* – modmailed / custom
godrent domain powers:a) Dead Communication; Ever since his close brush with death, Micah's powers surged. His father's connection to spirits and those who have died became his and as such he can now see and communicate with the spirits of the dead. They have been his only source of information on his father. He likes to build a network of spirits whenever he goes somewhere new so he can gather information as fast as possible.
b) Shadow Camouflage; From a fairly young age, Micah wasn't much of a social butterfly. Most of the time, he felt most comfortable in a shadowy nook where the lines of his body would be broken by shadows, using the ability unconsciously. After his near-death experience, Micah became more aware of his ability to hide in shadows and learned to use it more effectively than before.
c) Shadow Travel\;* After an unknowably long amount of time spent in Hades, Micah's father, Charon, was aligned with the underworld to which he led the souls of the dead. Similarly, Micah has inherited the ability to travel through shadows in short or long-range teleports.
godrent minor powers:a) River Step\;* The connection with the River Styx flows through Micah's veins as much as it does through his father's. The ability this connection granted him was the ability to walk on water, as long as there is no significant shift to the water, such as large waves.
b) Death Buff\;* Being a servant of the God of the Dead, it only makes sense that Charon would draw his own power from his master. As such, Micah has inherited a trait where he becomes stronger when around children of other deities of death, such as Hades, Melinoe, Zagreus, the Oneiroi, etc.
c) Aura of the Harbinger\;* Being a multifaceted deity, Charon passed down his multifacetedness in the form of an aura ability. Micah has the ability to project an aura with two opposite effects that work on separate targets. A calming effect affects any spirits within the aura while an imposing effect like that of Children of Hades affects living beings within the aura's range.
godrent major powers:a) Major Watercraft Manipulation\;* Being known as the Ferryman of the Dead, it only makes sense for Charon, and Micah by extension, to have dominion over watercraft. Micah's control over watercraft was one of the first powers he discovered and the power that is most intertwined with him in his entirety. He has inherited the ability to gain absolute control over any and all watercraft down to the rigging and ropes.
skillsetOver the years, Micah has picked up a good variety of skills, including fishing and rope work. Still, there have been a great many learning experiences for the boy on the streets of Sicily. Free running came as a given to any child of below-average means in Sicily but Micah was significantly worse than most thanks to a leg injury he got at the age of thirteen. Drawing was the only real luxury he had during his time when he wasn't working. A young lady from a carnival that was passing through taught him how to use throwing knives after he helped her find her way around the city. He learned ballet by watching, sitting for hours outside a studio every day for weeks until he'd gotten good enough to practice independently, which led to his interest in gymnastics. One of the older neighborhood boys took to teaching Micah, his brother, and the other kids how to read and write in English. Micah's adoptive mother insisted on teaching him how to speak English from a young age. Now, he can speak English with a barely noticeable Sicilian accent.
personality
Micah is about as quiet as you'd expect from a Chthonic kid. That isn't to say that he is particularly serious or brooding, in fact, even when he's upset, he rarely does either. He mainly remains silent because he isn't particularly talented at talking. His reactions to most things tend to be a bit muted unless something is especially funny or angering. Any of the kids that liked him or trusted him in Sicily did so because they understood that when it was needed, Micah would talk as much as was needed and would do what needed to be done to keep everyone safe.
Fatal Flaw; Vengefulness
backstory
Micah's past year at camp had been simultaneously the most relaxing and confusing year of his life. There had been a unfamiliarity that Micah had with anything to do with relaxation or really anything but working that had slowly melted away. He'd made friends and discovered passions that might have otherwise gone ignored for the rest of his life (Art was definitely one of those).
So, when school started to take over his time, Micah barely gave it any thought, settling back into his old work mentality, though now focused on mental instead of physical labor. Before he knew it, it was summer, school was out, and he was back at the start, not knowing how to get himself to relax.
now
Micah stared at the ground around the Range target blankly, the celestial bronze knives scattered around it refracting light. He was jolted out of his mental haze when a camper a few rows down yelled at him for standing in front of the target for so long. Quickly finishing up gathering his throwing knives, Micah slotted them into his bandolier and left the Range.
For a while, he just walked, until he reached the pier. Boats had been a constant of Micah's life before coming to camp and when he was really out of it or off his rocker, the son of Charon liked to settle at the camp pier and imagine what sort of sea vessel he'd design for himself. Aesthetics might not have mattered to everyone but to Micah, they did. The ship would have to look as good as it sailed.
Now, he fell onto his back in the sand a few meters from the pier and stared up at the sky. Barely any clouds. Gods that was boring.
(Credit to u/FireyRage for the amazing intro format.)
2024.05.21 17:32 aviatorstarsong My story
I am 24 years old(F) and over the past few years, my older sisters have helped me come to terms with the fact that I was severely neglected and isolated, along with the rest of my siblings. I thought for so long that there was just something wrong with me, it was all my fault that I couldn’t make friends easily, didn’t know how to do makeup or hair, and felt like a sore thumb everywhere and have only had one job in my life that I got when I was 22 and that I am graduating college late when in reality my parents gave up trying when it came to me so when I was 18 I was just lost and didn’t go to community college til next year when my sisters noticed I was sinking. But for context, my upbringing was very strange. I was raised Catholic and still am practicing though I wrestle with my faith, largely due to an incredibly kind, compassionate, deeply sensitive, unpolitically involved pastor that is NOTHING like my parents, but my parents didn’t even fit in typical catholic circles, they didn’t take us to co ops or church events for the most part, and church hop instead of settling on a parish so that now going to church gives me imposter syndrome and abandonment issues. We barely left the house, my only company was 8 other siblings, and what we did most of the time was play with barbie dolls. We made up a whole town for them. I still treasure that time but I realized it was from a trauma response. We didn’t have friends or the opportunity to make friends. My education was lacking-lately my mom had my youngest siblings take actual classes with pre recorded lectures BUT that wasn’t it for me. I was convinced I sucked at math and flipped through the answers to try to teach myself because Mom couldn’t when I was older because when I was younger, she would just get mad and frustrated, same with teaching piano. She had no qualifications or qualities suited for teaching and made me think I was a failure incapable of anything. I applied for jobs from ages 17-21 but never got one because I live in a small town that hires based on nepotism. Right now, I’m working at culvers and just finished my psyc bachelors after i got my associates which wasn’t a typical college experience just my parents driving me to classes and then leaving after it so no chance to immerse myself and i just wanna get my license and move out but it feels impossible bcuz my parents wont let me. Finally, just want to make friends, move out, get another job, right now my only social interactions are culvers coworkers who are either teenagers or 40s+ and my older sister takes us swing dancing to see my other sister where I have crushes on men I barely know for being nice to me because I’m so emotionally starved. I wanna see a therapist for my issues too, but those are hard to find and not in my budget right now. How do i get over not having an identity or friends at 24? How do i heal and get another job and move out and somehow get a license or learn to use public transportation? How do i move on from intense one sided attachments to men i barely know bcuz they’ve showed me basic kindness and acknowledgment and make friends when I’m missing so much of the core experiences people bond and relate over? How do you learn who you are? I like running, working out at the gym, hiking, learning piano right now, enjoy math, and biology and like psyc tho i dont want a phd or a masters and chose to major in it from naivety but don’t know what to do with those interests and I’m not skilled in them persay. My social highlights are few and far between-a gymnastics class at age 10, a fitness class around 12-13, a Bible study at 13-14, swing dancing with a regular group from 18 through now, brief commuting encounters with other students at college - and have made me emotionally latch onto people I barely know.
I know this was really heavy, but getting it all out there feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm hoping some of you may have been through similar experiences and can offer some guidance or just an understanding ear.
This homeschool recovery journey and journey with emotionally neglectful parents hasn't been easy, and I often feel very alone in my struggles. Finding and being a part of this community has given me hope that I can work through the pain and confusion.
Any insights, advice, or just words of encouragement would mean so much right now.
submitted by aviatorstarsong to HomeschoolRecovery [link] [comments]
I know this was really heavy, but getting it all out there feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm hoping some of you may have been through similar experiences and can offer some guidance or just an understanding ear.
This homeschool recovery journey and journey with emotionally neglectful parents hasn't been easy, and I often feel very alone in my struggles. Finding and being a part of this community has given me hope that I can work through the pain and confusion.
Any insights, advice, or just words of encouragement would mean so much right now.
2024.05.21 17:18 navind10 My problems and the Sri Lankan education system. ( this is probably a dumb post)
Before I say anything, don't mind my bad english. I'm leaving this here because I have no one to tell this. There are gonna be bad words.
I'm 14(m). Now before you think " oh he is so young what kind of problems could he possibly have". I know that. I know that these are very small things and there are people with like million times problems. But I don't know what to do.
To make things clear I don't have girlfriend problems or shit. But I feel like I'm being crushed by an unknown force. Tbh I do have problems in my family. It's also frustrating. But I'm kinda used to it now. But the other problem is SCHOOL. I FUCKING HATE IT.
Here's the thing. I don't like to call it fancy but, you know how the schools in Sri Lanka are called. There fancy ones and there normal ones. I go to a kinda famous school. Not that famous but sorta. And that's the thing. Since people think the school is great ( even though it's not) people expect me to be great in work and etc.
Now I am not a great student at all. I do great in some subjects but most of the time ( by that I mean like 90% of the time) I suck at everything. Sri Lankan school system is a mess we all know that. My opinion is that most of the things we learn is so outdated. And sometimes I just can't stand it to learn useless things. I know you all hear this from every student.
Another thing is teachers. Now I respect them and I don't mean to hate them by any means. But they think like this is still the 90's. All they tell you is you need to learn this because it's gonna be in the exam. Like whyyy???? I fucking hate that shit. I am not interested in learning something that I have to write on a sheet of paper and then not think about it EVER AGAIN.
Like most of the time they just teach us the lesson, give some notes, give us homework and then tell us to _____ ( whatever the english word for katapadam) it. I'm done with that shit. I don't think this is a problem of the teachers. I know there are some great teachers out there. It's the problem with the education system. And I'm not even going to talk about the tuition culture. That shit needs to be stopped.
And when I tell someone like my mom about this, she goes " well what do we do? We can't do anything about it. We just have to go with the ____ ( what is the english word for " ralla"? Is it trend? )". Another thing that pisses me off is how parents want to make their kids be someone with a professional job and a high paying job and shit. Like let them what they want to be. Let them to what they like. Let them be creative. And if they are really good at it and very creative at it, they'll find a way to make money out of that.
The only thing that does is kill our creativity. Not all the kids are good at maths. Not all the kids are good at science. They are good at something in their own way.
Yeah yeah I'm just a kid with dumb thoughts. I don't even know what the fuck am I doing. I just need to release those dumbass thoughts . My fingers hurt so imma stop.
submitted by navind10 to srilanka [link] [comments]
I'm 14(m). Now before you think " oh he is so young what kind of problems could he possibly have". I know that. I know that these are very small things and there are people with like million times problems. But I don't know what to do.
To make things clear I don't have girlfriend problems or shit. But I feel like I'm being crushed by an unknown force. Tbh I do have problems in my family. It's also frustrating. But I'm kinda used to it now. But the other problem is SCHOOL. I FUCKING HATE IT.
Here's the thing. I don't like to call it fancy but, you know how the schools in Sri Lanka are called. There fancy ones and there normal ones. I go to a kinda famous school. Not that famous but sorta. And that's the thing. Since people think the school is great ( even though it's not) people expect me to be great in work and etc.
Now I am not a great student at all. I do great in some subjects but most of the time ( by that I mean like 90% of the time) I suck at everything. Sri Lankan school system is a mess we all know that. My opinion is that most of the things we learn is so outdated. And sometimes I just can't stand it to learn useless things. I know you all hear this from every student.
Another thing is teachers. Now I respect them and I don't mean to hate them by any means. But they think like this is still the 90's. All they tell you is you need to learn this because it's gonna be in the exam. Like whyyy???? I fucking hate that shit. I am not interested in learning something that I have to write on a sheet of paper and then not think about it EVER AGAIN.
Like most of the time they just teach us the lesson, give some notes, give us homework and then tell us to _____ ( whatever the english word for katapadam) it. I'm done with that shit. I don't think this is a problem of the teachers. I know there are some great teachers out there. It's the problem with the education system. And I'm not even going to talk about the tuition culture. That shit needs to be stopped.
And when I tell someone like my mom about this, she goes " well what do we do? We can't do anything about it. We just have to go with the ____ ( what is the english word for " ralla"? Is it trend? )". Another thing that pisses me off is how parents want to make their kids be someone with a professional job and a high paying job and shit. Like let them what they want to be. Let them to what they like. Let them be creative. And if they are really good at it and very creative at it, they'll find a way to make money out of that.
The only thing that does is kill our creativity. Not all the kids are good at maths. Not all the kids are good at science. They are good at something in their own way.
Yeah yeah I'm just a kid with dumb thoughts. I don't even know what the fuck am I doing. I just need to release those dumbass thoughts . My fingers hurt so imma stop.
2024.05.21 17:17 cathartic_ranting Don't want to mess up my son!!
Hey all! My son is going into 1st grade and I've really been strongly feeling led to homeschool him. I think this is the right choice but all my friends and family, except for my mom and husband, feel like he needs to be in public school because of his mental health issues. He is diagnosed with ODD and ADHD and we suspect he has autism as well but the waitlist is months out so we don't know for sure yet. I'm also struggling because I was homeschooled and absolutely hated it.
We tried to go the public school route but he did not get accepted to either of our top two choices and I just have such a bad feeling about it every time we tried to enroll him anyway. I truly think this is what I'm supposed to be doing but I'm super worried that I'm going to mess him up or do something wrong. He graduated Kindergarten through a 2 day a week program and he can read and spell and do math super well so I'm not worried about that. But he is an only child and I'm scared I'm going to isolate him. We are signed up for a co-op that's once a week for science and history and other electives but is that enough? I went to a similar co-op but I also had siblings so I'm not sure if that makes a big difference.
He's also a kinesthetic learner and he HATESSSS worksheets more than anything but he loves to learn through play and with his hands. That is not my style of learning so am I even qualified to teach him?? I've been looking at curriculums and decided on All About Reading & Spelling and Horizons Math. But what if he hates them? We don't have a ton of money so once I buy a curriculum we kinda have to stick with it for the whole year because I can't afford more than one right now.
Sorry if I'm ranting, I'm just really nervous that everyone else is right and my gut is wrong and I'm going to mess him up somehow. I want what's best for him but almost no one believes that I can do this. Again, I know his grades in 1st grade don't really matter in the long run and he's very smart but I don't want to ruin him socially. 1st grade is important for learning how to make friends and he already has issues with that and I don't want to make it worse, especially with him being an only child. He went to the 2 day a week program for the entire school year and he didn't really make a single friend because he's so different than the other kids. Maybe he does need a whole 5 day school setting to make friends. Maybe cutting it down to only 1 day a week is the wrong thing to do. I don't know. I just want to do what's best and I feel like I'm in way over my head. Will homeschooling mess him up??
submitted by cathartic_ranting to homeschool [link] [comments]
We tried to go the public school route but he did not get accepted to either of our top two choices and I just have such a bad feeling about it every time we tried to enroll him anyway. I truly think this is what I'm supposed to be doing but I'm super worried that I'm going to mess him up or do something wrong. He graduated Kindergarten through a 2 day a week program and he can read and spell and do math super well so I'm not worried about that. But he is an only child and I'm scared I'm going to isolate him. We are signed up for a co-op that's once a week for science and history and other electives but is that enough? I went to a similar co-op but I also had siblings so I'm not sure if that makes a big difference.
He's also a kinesthetic learner and he HATESSSS worksheets more than anything but he loves to learn through play and with his hands. That is not my style of learning so am I even qualified to teach him?? I've been looking at curriculums and decided on All About Reading & Spelling and Horizons Math. But what if he hates them? We don't have a ton of money so once I buy a curriculum we kinda have to stick with it for the whole year because I can't afford more than one right now.
Sorry if I'm ranting, I'm just really nervous that everyone else is right and my gut is wrong and I'm going to mess him up somehow. I want what's best for him but almost no one believes that I can do this. Again, I know his grades in 1st grade don't really matter in the long run and he's very smart but I don't want to ruin him socially. 1st grade is important for learning how to make friends and he already has issues with that and I don't want to make it worse, especially with him being an only child. He went to the 2 day a week program for the entire school year and he didn't really make a single friend because he's so different than the other kids. Maybe he does need a whole 5 day school setting to make friends. Maybe cutting it down to only 1 day a week is the wrong thing to do. I don't know. I just want to do what's best and I feel like I'm in way over my head. Will homeschooling mess him up??