Long time lurker, first time poster.
I am 5’2” 145lbs and currently 38H. I’m hoping to go down to approximately ≈650 mL per breast, I understand I am looking at removing a little over 3000 mL of tissue altogether, and that’s kinda scary.
My doctor assured me not to worry and that it’s perfectly doable. Needless to say; with that much tissue being removed my insurance is covering this 100% which is good, but right now I’m more worried about recovery than anything else.
I’m doing this for a lot of reasons, but a big reason being my dysautonomia, which has become unmanageable in recent years, and I’m hoping that reducing the weight on my chest will help a bit.
I guess this is to say, I want advice on how to manage, any experience from other people who had a similar amount of tissue removed, or even other people with dysautonomia and how their recovery went… I’m just very nervous for the recovery.

~RIGL Thesis – 5/18/2024~
Outstanding Shares 175M
131 Institutional Holders
111,129,461 Total Shares Held
63.36% Institutional Ownership
Total Cash on Hand 3/31/2024 = $49.6M
Total Debt: $101.5M
Cash Burn Approximate = $8M per quarter (6 quarters of cash without any increases in revenue)
Q12023 REV = $26M
Q22023 REV = $26.8M
Q32023 REV = $28.1M
Q42023 REV = $35.8M
Q12024 REV = $29.5M (Decline from Q4 likely from end of year versus new-year tracking of Rx and shipments of drugs, resetting of Copays)
Most Recent EPS -$0.05 per share
May 22, 2024 - Vote on S will take place, caution
~Statistics Applicable To Thesis~
333.3 million US Population (2022)
8,109,679,892 Global Population (2024)
~Drugs On Market~
~Tavalisse – Treatment for ITP, FDA Approved April 17, 2018~
~What is ITP?~
Immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) is an illness that can lead to bruising and bleeding. Low levels of the cells that help blood clot, also known as platelets, most often cause the bleeding.
Once known as idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, ITP can cause purple bruises. It also can cause tiny reddish-purple dots on the skin that look like a rash.
Children can get ITP after a virus. They most often get better without treatment. In adults, the illness often lasts months or years. People with ITP who aren't bleeding and whose platelet count isn't too low might not need treatment. For worse symptoms, treatment might include medicines to raise platelet count or surgery to remove the spleen. Immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic
~What is Tavalisse?~
TAVALISSE is a prescription medication used to treat adults with low platelet counts due to chronic immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) when a prior treatment for ITP has not worked well enough. It is not known if TAVALISSE is safe and effective in children.
The cost for Tavalisse oral tablet 100 mg is around $15,404 for a supply of 60 tablets, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
Tavalisse Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com
TAVALISSE IS AN ORAL MEDICATION TAKEN TWICE DAILY WITH OR WITHOUT FOOD¹
A 12-week evaluation period is recommended
60 tablets = 1 month supply, evaluation period = 3 months, Cost for 3 months = $46,212 Cash, assuming cheaper through wholesale, insurance, discount cards, etc.
Dosing TAVALISSE® (fostamatinib disodium hexahydrate) tablets (tavalissehcp.com)
~Addressable Market~
“Our findings suggest that nearly 20,000 children and adults are newly diagnosed with ITP each year in the US, substantially higher than previously reported. Among patients requiring formal medical care, the economic burden during the first 12 months following diagnosis is high, with estimated US expenditures totaling over $400 million.”
Primary immune thrombocytopenia in US clinical practice: incidence and healthcare burden in first 12 months following diagnosis - PubMed (nih.gov)
The estimated prevalence of ITP in the United States is 9.5 per 100,000 people, with a global prevalence of over 200,000 people at any given time [1].
Immune thrombocytopenia. [ Oct; 2022 ]. 2022. https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/immune-thrombocytopenia
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
ITP estimated cases based on measured statistics 31,635 cases a year in the US and 770,355 cases globally each year.
~Rezlidhia – R Acute Myeloid Leukemia, FDA Approved December, 22, 2022~
~What is Relapsed or Refractory Acute Myeloid Leukemia?~
Relapsed, or recurrent, acute myeloid leukemia (AML) means the leukemia has come back after treatment and remission.
Refractory AML means the leukemia did not respond to treatment. Complete remission has not been reached because the chemotherapy drugs did not kill enough leukemia cells.
Both relapsed and refractory AML need more treatment to reach complete remission.
Your healthcare team will suggest treatments based on your needs and work with you to develop a treatment plan. Some factors considered for your treatment include:
your age
your health
how long the leukemia was in remission
treatments you had before
where the leukemia comes back
Treatment options usually include chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant if possible. Targeted therapy may also be used.
Treatments for relapsed or refractory acute myeloid leukemia Canadian Cancer Society
~What is IDH1?~
Somatic mutations in isocitrate dehydrogenase (IDH) genes occur frequently in adult Acute myeloid leukemia (AML) and less commonly in pediatric AML… Enhanced genomic and epigenomic profiling of acute myeloid leukemia (AML) has led to identification of recurrent mutations that are prognostic and are candidates for targeted therapy. Somatic mutations in isocitrate dehydrogenase (IDH) genes, IDH1 and IDH2, occur in ∼6% to 16% and ∼8% to 19% of adult patients with AML, respectively.^1-5 In pediatric AML, IDH mutations are rare, occurring in <4% of patients.^6-11
Characteristics and prognostic impact of IDH mutations in AML: a COG, SWOG, and ECOG analysis Blood Advances American Society of Hematology (ashpublications.org)
~What is Rezlidhia?~
REZLIDHIA is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with acute myeloid leukemia (AML) with an isocitrate dehydrogenase-1 (IDH1) mutation when the disease has come back or has not improved after previous treatment(s).
Targeted Treatment REZLIDHIA® (olutasidenib) capsules
The cost for Rezlidhia oral capsule 150 mg is around $17,468 for a supply of 30 capsules, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
Rezlidhia Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com%20is%20a%20member,on%20the%20pharmacy%20you%20visit.)
~Addressable Market~
The annual incidence of new cases in both men and women is approximately 4.3 per 100,000 population, totaling over 20,000 cases per year in the United States alone.[13] The median age at the time of diagnosis is about 68, with a higher prevalence observed among non-Hispanic Whites. Furthermore, males exhibit a higher incidence compared to females, with a ratio of 5:3.
Acute Myeloid Leukemia - StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf (nih.gov)
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
Cases of AML with IDH1 would be 11% based on the median of statistics above (6% to 16%) leaving approximately 1500 to 2000 cases a year in the US. Appling the same calculations to world population would amount to approximately 38,500 cases a year globally.
~Gavreto – Treats RET+ Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer In Adults and RET+ Thyroid Cancer in Kids and Adults, FDA Approved August 9, 2023~
For the sake of common ground, I am going to assume these types of cancers do not need to be elaborated on as we all likely have a basic understanding of what they are. The medical conditions treated by Tavalisse and Rezlidhia I felt needed a more in-depth explanation because they are not common. I will elaborate on RET+ a little later in this writing.
~What is Gavreto?~
GAVRETO is an oral once daily prescription medicine used to treat certain cancers caused by abnormal rearranged during transfection ~(RET+)~ genes in:
Adults with non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC) that has spread
Adults and children 12 years of age and older with advanced thyroid cancer or thyroid cancer that has spread who require a medicine by mouth or injection (systemic therapy) and who have received radioactive iodine and it did not work or is no longer working*
It is not known if GAVRETO is safe and effective when used to treat cancers caused by abnormal RET genes in children for the treatment of NSCLC or in children younger than 12 years of age for the treatment of thyroid cancer.
Home GAVRETO® (pralsetinib)
The cost for Gavreto oral capsule 100 mg is around $11,745 for a supply of 60 capsules, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
The recommended dosage for adults and children 12 and over is 400mg orally once daily. Each capsule is 100mg, which means you will take 4 capsules. Gavreto should be taken on an empty stomach, at least 1 hour before or 2 hours after a meal.
Gavreto Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com
~What is Rearranged During Transfection Positive (RET+)?~
RET-positive cancer is caused by a mutation or abnormal re-arrangement of the RET gene. It occurs most commonly in lung cancer and several types of inherited and sporadic thyroid cancers. RET alterations also occur in an estimated 1-2% of multiple other cancers, including ovarian, pancreatic, salivary, breast, and colorectal cancers.
RETpositive Empowering Patients and Driving Research
Rearranged during transfection (RET) rearrangements were first identified as oncogenic drivers in NSCLC in 2012. The proportion of patients with NSCLC who have RET rearrangements (ie, fusion-positive disease) is approximately 1%-2%.
RET Fusion-Positive Non-small Cell Lung Cancer: The Evolving Treatment Landscape The Oncologist Oxford Academic (oup.com)
RET alterations occur most commonly in lung cancer (non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC)) and the number of new cases diagnosed each year is considerable, accounting for approximately 37,500 [IG1] cases worldwide and 4,000 cases in the US (2% of NSCLC) (2,3). RET alterations are also common in several types of inherited and sporadic thyroid cancers and can occur in other types of cancers like ovarian, breast, pancreatic, and colorectal cancers, among others (4-8) adding >110,000 cases yearly worldwide (9).
What is RET Positive Lung Cancer? - The Happy Lungs Project
(2) Although medullary thyroid carcinoma represents 5-10% of all thyroid cancers, activating RET gene abnormalities occur in over 90% of hereditary and approximately 40%-60% of sporadic medullary thyroid carcinoma cases.
Patients – RETpositive%20Although%20medullary%20thyroid%20carcinoma,sporadic%20medullary%20thyroid%20carcinoma%20cases.)
~Prevalence of Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer~
Most lung cancer statistics include both small cell lung cancer (SCLC) and non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC). In general, about 10% to 15% of all lung cancers are SCLC, and about 80% to 85% are NSCLC.
Lung cancer (both small cell and non-small cell) is the second most common cancer in both men and women in the United States (not counting skin cancer). In men, prostate cancer is more common, while breast cancer is more common in women.
The American Cancer Society’s estimates for lung cancer in the US for 2024 are:
About 234,580 new cases of lung cancer (116,310 in men and 118,270 in women)
About 125,070 deaths from lung cancer (65,790 in men and 59,280 in women)
Lung Cancer Statistics How Common is Lung Cancer? American Cancer Society
Worldwide, an estimated 2,206,771 people were diagnosed with lung cancer in 2020. These statistics include both small cell lung cancer and NSCLC.
Lung Cancer - Non-Small Cell: Statistics Cancer.Net
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
Approximately 187,664 cases of NSCLC in the US based on an 80% factor.
Approximately 1,765,416 cases of NSCLC worldwide based on an 80% factor.
~Prevalence of Thyroid Cancer~
Rate of New Cases and Deaths per 100,000: The rate of new cases of thyroid cancer was 13.5 per 100,000 men and women per year. The death rate was 0.5 per 100,000 men and women per year. These rates are age-adjusted and based on 2017–2021 cases and 2018–2022 deaths.
Lifetime Risk of Developing Cancer: Approximately 1.2 percent of men and women will be diagnosed with thyroid cancer at some point during their lifetime, based on 2017–2019 data. Lifetime risk based on data through 2022 will available soon.
Prevalence of This Cancer: In 2021, there were an estimated 979,295 people living with thyroid cancer in the United States.
Thyroid Cancer — Cancer Stat Facts
About 44,020 new cases of thyroid cancer (12,500 in men and 31,520 in women)
About 2,170 deaths from thyroid cancer (990 in men and 1,180 in women)
Thyroid cancer is often diagnosed at a younger age than most other adult cancers. The average age when a person is diagnosed with thyroid cancer is 51.
This cancer is about 3 times more common in women than in men. It is about 40% to 50% less common in Black people than in any other racial or ethnic group.
Key Statistics for Thyroid Cancer American Cancer Society)
Addressable Market
Given Gavreto’s dual treatment capacity, the total amount of potential patients with NSCLC with RET+ indications would be approximately 2,800 cases in the US and approximately 26,500 cases worldwide each year using a factor of 1.5% of total NSCLC cases. The total amount of treatable cases for Thyroid Cancer would be approximately 650 in the US and 16,500 cases worldwide respectively each year applying the same 1.5% RET+ percentage rate. DOUBLE CHECK MATH…
~Rigel Pharmaceuticals Pipeline~
~IRAK/4 – Clinical Trials~
Rigel’s investigational candidate, R289, is an oral, potent and selective inhibitor of interleukin receptor-associated kinases 1 and 4 (IRAK1/4).
Toll like receptors (TLRs) and the interleukin 1 receptor family (IL-1Rs) play a critical role in the innate immune response and dysregulation of these pathways can lead to a variety of inflammatory conditions such as psoriasis, rheumatoid arthritis, and inflammatory bowel disease. Chronic stimulation of both receptor systems has also been implicated in causing a pro-inflammatory bone marrow environment leading to persistent cytopenias in lower-risk myelodysplastic syndrome (LR-MDS) patients1.
R835 is a selective dual inhibitor of IRAK1/4 that blocks TLR4 and IL-1R-dependent systemic cytokine release. In preclinical studies, R835 demonstrated activity in multiple animal models of inflammatory disease2,3 and showed that dual inhibition of IRAK1 and IRAK4 provided more complete suppression of inflammatory cytokines when compared to an IRAK4-selective inhibitor4.
Development of R289:
In a Phase 1 clinical trial, R835 was well tolerated and inhibited LPS-induced inflammatory cytokine production in healthy volunteers, demonstrating proof-of-mechanism.5 Phase 1 clinical studies of R289 (an oral prodrug that is rapidly converted to R835 in the gut) are also complete.
A Phase 1b open-label, multicenter trial of R289 in patients with relapsed/refractory lower-risk MDS is currently enrolling (NCT05308264). The primary endpoint for this trial is safety with key secondary endpoints including preliminary efficacy and evaluation of pharmacokinetic properties.
~Bemcentinib – Bergenbio Partnership~
In June 2011, Rigel entered into an exclusive, worldwide research, development and commercialization agreement with BerGenBio for its investigational AXL receptor tyrosine kinase (AXL) inhibitor, R428 (now referred to as bemcentinib).
Bemcentinib is a potent, selective and orally bioavailable AXL inhibitor and the furthest along in clinical trials. In preclinical studies, bemcentinib was shown to have an effect as a single agent therapeutic in the prevention and reversal of acquired resistance to standard of care cytotoxics and targeted therapies and may also slow or prevent tumor metastasis.
Rigel received an upfront payment and is eligible for milestone payments and potential sublicensing revenue, as well as tiered royalty payments on any future net sales of products emerging from the collaboration.
~R552 Systemic – Eli Lilly Partnership~
Rigel’s investigational candidates are oral, potent and selective inhibitors of receptor-interacting serine/threonine-protein kinase 1 (RIPK1).
RIPK1 is a critical signaling protein implicated in a broad range of key inflammatory cellular processes including necroptosis, a type of regulated cell death, and cytokine production. In necroptosis, cells rupture leading to the dispersion of cell contents, which can trigger an immune response and enhance inflammation. RIPK1 inhibition has therapeutic potential in treating autoimmune, inflammatory, and neurodegenerative disorders.
Rigel’s RIPK1 inhibitor program includes R552, a systemic molecule being developed for the treatment of autoimmune and inflammatory disorders, and brain penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors for central nervous system (CNS) diseases. In preclinical studies, R552 demonstrated prevention of joint and skin inflammation in a RIPK1-mediated murine model of inflammation and tissue damage.
Development of R552:
In Q2 2023, the initial Phase 2a trial (NCT05848258) in moderately to severely active rheumatoid arthritis (RA) was initiated by partner Eli Lilly.
Development CNS-penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors:
Currently in preclinical studies.
~Milademetan – Daiichi Sankyo Partnership~
Rigel has a long-standing collaboration with Daiichi-Sankyo for developing murine double minute 2 (MDM2) protein inhibitors in cancer, which were discovered in Rigel’s laboratories.
Preliminary safety and efficacy data from an early Phase 1 study of milademetan (formerly DS-3032), an oral selective MDM2 inhibitor, in hematological malignancies suggests that it may be a promising potential treatment for oncology indications.
Rigel received an upfront payment and is eligible for milestone payments, as well as tiered royalty payments on any future net sales of any products emerging from the collaboration.
~Rxxx (CNS Penetrant) – Eli Lilly Partnership~
Rigel’s investigational candidates are oral, potent and selective inhibitors of receptor-interacting serine/threonine-protein kinase 1 (RIPK1).
RIPK1 is a critical signaling protein implicated in a broad range of key inflammatory cellular processes including necroptosis, a type of regulated cell death, and cytokine production. In necroptosis, cells rupture leading to the dispersion of cell contents, which can trigger an immune response and enhance inflammation. RIPK1 inhibition has therapeutic potential in treating autoimmune, inflammatory, and neurodegenerative disorders.
Rigel’s RIPK1 inhibitor program includes R552, a systemic molecule being developed for the treatment of autoimmune and inflammatory disorders, and brain penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors for central nervous system (CNS) diseases. In preclinical studies, R552 demonstrated prevention of joint and skin inflammation in a RIPK1-mediated murine model of inflammation and tissue damage.
Development of R552:
In Q2 2023, the initial Phase 2a trial (NCT05848258) in moderately to severely active rheumatoid arthritis (RA) was initiated by partner Eli Lilly.
Development CNS-penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors:
Currently in preclinical studies. Pipeline :: Rigel Pharmaceuticals, Inc. (RIGL)
~Summary and Prediction~
The current share price of sub $1 does not feel justified. I would anticipate financial breakeven by the end of 2024 or potentially in Q1 or Q2 of 2025. The robust pipeline, progress, and expected revenue growth are enough to justify a much higher valuation. The debt load is manageable, but the potential for S is concerning. I believe that the S is not necessary and revenue growth and progress should speak for itself. I am not as bullish as the analysts at HC Wainright for a $15 PT, but the valuation should be at least 3x to 5x from the current value. This thesis does not highlight the patents surrounding their drugs either which some extend into 2035 and beyond. Perhaps what Wall Street is discounting is the fact that most of the drugs are very niche. However, the currently available drugs have an addressable market, albeit less universal than some, but you should value it in the sense of multiple facets (a 1000 headed snake is the phrase I wanted to use). I believe the company should be valued with specialty drugs in mind which would command a higher PE ratio. At the current day and time of writing, the value should be at least $1.50 to $1.75 ~at a minimum~ with a 12 month price target of $3 to $5+. I will be looking for continued revenue growth in each quarter this year and realization of revenue from Gavreto in Q2 or Q3 this year. The partnerships should not be discounted either and the current share price if it lingers here perhaps may attract a merger or acquisition. I initially began the research thinking that perhaps the drugs were too niche, but given the multiple drugs they are working with, I believe their revenue sources will continue to grow if you do not focus on one particular drug as the main performer. With the most recent inflation report being cooler than expected, I would suspect larger funds and institutions will be circling back to riskier assets.

patient is F28 about 5’3 maybe 150 pounds, will try to get med info in an edit asap. was a chronic smoker for several years before catching bad pneumonia
ok so this is incredibly important, we’re wondering if lipomas are the answer to my gf’s debilitating and undiagnosed chronic neck & back pain of 3+ years. would greatly appreciate anyone’s feedback. description of symptoms near the end if you wanna skip background.
my gf has one of the worst chronic back issues i’ve seen, and it’s completely undiagnosed. she had a scary severe case of covid pneumonia for several months and somewhere along the way developed chronic pain in her neck, iirc it was characterized by sharp severe pain where she could barely move her head left or right at all without major pain. that lasted two years with no solution/diagnosis to be found.
one night a year ago she was laying in bed and reached over to grab something and felt pain shoot down her back. can’t remember if it was the next morning or gradual over days/weeks but basically the pain ended up traveling almost entirely from her neck to her mid to lower back. she can now move her neck almost like normal with little pain, but her back is now an absolute nightmare. she can’t work, standing up and sitting down is a deliberate cautious affair, her entire life is centered around this and the debilitating 10/10 pain (she said 14/10 without meds, 9/10 with).
PRIMARY SYMPTOMS: -muscle spasms that travel (yesterday they were bad, she tried massaging herself and ended up “riddled” with spasms) and when i trace her back she can’t tell me exactly where the spasms are bc they move so much ig? she had trouble articulating what she felt and why i couldn’t pinpoint it. they’re less painful the more sleep she gets in a night -pressure pain the spasms are always “on,” the only slight relief she gets is when there’s no pressure on them. laying back in a seat is hell, she has a heat pad that left marks on her skin bc she had to use it so high and often to feel some relief (she now uses the lowest setting after discovering the skin thing)
big one: moveable lumps under skins i don’t know her history of how hard doctors looked into the lumps but she feels two noticeable ones right up against her spine in the center of where the pain and spasms usually gravitate. she can move them around without massive spikes in pain (possible these two aren’t relevant but smaller undetected ones are???)
somewhere along the way she was told or got the impression that those lumps weren’t related to her spasms or pain. however from what she’s told me no doctor has ever really looked at them more than cursory (which i asked several times for her to confirm cuz that sounds insane to me). she has had an insane amount of tests done (like, recently ruled out MS) including a full body MRI but it found nothing, and they weren’t looking specifically for lipomas.
No one has ever said the word lipomas to her. she randomly found the word a couple days ago and found some posts on the lipomas sub i think, one of which was another chronic back pain case and 100% relatable to her. she went on to find info about how these can be painful and hard to detect when they’re in muscle tissue and up against nerves or the spine.
but she’s nervous this isn’t the answer because she thinks they would have spotted this on the MRI.
would they have, if they didn’t know to look for these specifically? i see cases of people saying theirs got painful and doctors severely underestimated their size when they were removed.. i’m worried she has small ones all over her back and maybe even neck? i saw they have some kind of causal relationship with the severity of pneumonia so i’m wondering if tiny hard to detect ones are in her lungs too.
begging for any information/suggestions/insights. tears on my cheeks as i type this out at the possibility that this might finally, fiiiiiinally be the answer to chronic pain that has made her suicidal at times. thank you for reading, and especially thanks to those of you physicians who take time to reply. this sub seems incredibly valuable.

Yesterday, I got a massage at the Wynn resort in Las Vegas. I get massages frequently and never had any problems, it’s only helped. I told the therapist to work on my lower back and hips because those are my vulnerable spots. About 10 hours after my massage, my left hip flexor is killing me. I can’t even lift my knee off the ground it’s so painful. Walking around is uncomfortable as well. Anything to be alarmed? Could the therapist done something to damage the tissue? I’m little nervous because it doesn’t feel like normal soreness.

Tissue
Polysemous title- Tissue • Tissue- paper + skin (human life is fragile [criticises arrogance, encourages us to protect]) • Also paper (not alive) + skin (alive)- criticises monotony of life, not really living • Tissue paper- found in bibles and holy texts, but fragile (overinflated importance of identity causing wars and discrimination, really it’s very fragile and identity isn’t real, we’re all just people (tissue as in skin)) • Tissue- used to wipe away tears, togetherness can reduce suffering • Tissue- medical term for deep skin- poem shows deeper nature of humans and our potential for goodness, can be wounded and damaged by outside influences but can always heal
"Paper that lets the light shine through, this is what could alter things" - reference to religious texts paper, light as Jesus and Allah (power of religion) - or coexistence with nature (Dharker is a Muslim Calvinist)
Enjambment- freedom, lack of control of humans, rejecting constraints
Free verse- same thing
"Let the daylight break through capitals and monoliths" - power of nature, criticism of authority, weakness of humans- “break” violent personification, destroying authority, daylight + break = sunrise + hope
"The sun shines through their borderlines" - nature overcomes human segregation identity, criticism of war, power of nature) sibilance shows power, “their” still shows separation, criticise that
"fly our lives like paper kites" - childish metaphor, mocking control of money over life (criticism of authority)
"the back of the Koran" - “the” repetition shows importance, “back” shows it is hidden/shunned by society, still holding onto identity
"Transparent" - repetition, criticism of dishonesty of authority
Exposure
"Merciless iced east winds that knive us" - personification of wind shanking people (first line not about war but nature- more significant) (power of nature)- subtle sibilance (just as dangerous as bullets but most people don’t realise)- Germans were in the east, but the only thing from there is wind
ABBAC rhyme, structure is built only to be taken down (tension of soldiers expecting fight but let down)
Pararhyme- unsatisfying for reader, reflects how the soldiers are always nervous but never get to chill
“What are we doing here?” Rhetorical question to criticise authority, or actual question to show PTSD confusion, can be asking what they are DOING or why they are HERE
"For love of God seems dying" ok 1. The soldier's love of God is dying 2. God's love for the soldiers is dying 3. To show love of God, you should die
"forgotten dreams" - juxtaposition, loss of hope, forgotten dreams on purpose to be less sad? war made them forget? “forgotten” disassociated from PTSD, “dreams” as happiness from the past that seems unreal
“a dull rumour of some other war" reference to the Bible and Armageddon, metaphorical end of the world for the soldiers be suffering "sudden successive flights of bullets streak the silence" - sibilance represents sound of bullets, jolting reader out of relative lack of noises, feel like soldiers
Epistrophe "but nothing happens" cyclical structure, stuck in suffering
“we” “us” “our” collective pronouns, shared experience, comradeship, loss of identity, relatable to all soldiers
Kamikaze
Title- single word, only military rank- only seen as a kamikaze pilot by others
Structure- 6 lines per stanza but free verse and lots of enjambment- conflict between control and freedom (military/social expectations/duty vs love for family/nature/memories/life)
Constant shifts between first person and third person- disconnect from family due to shame
“Her father embarked at sunrise” -sunrise as power of nature + Japan’s military flag- conflict
“a shaven head full of powerful incantations” -incantations are deliberately vague- orders from military? prayers? inner conscience against it? It’s “powerful” tho and influences him, and it’s “full” showing his distress, shaved head like most kamikaze pilots
“green-blue translucent sea” beautiful imagery, “translucent” shows how things are unclear but getting clearer- nature helps him decide what to do
Describes fishes “like a huge flag”- patriotic semantic field shows brainwashing, but reduces as the poem goes on, simile shows how he is starting to disconnect and change his mind,
also as “a figure of eight”- shows thoughts of pride and prosperity-
“The dark shoals of fishes/flashing silver as their bellies/swivelled towards the sun” - • sibilance shows ocean noises and beauty, “dark” -> “flashing silver” things get brighter and easier to see- knows what to do thanks to nature • “Silver”- medals he would have gotten for being a kamikaze pilot, but true reward is in nature • “Sun”- represents beauty of nature and also Japanese flag- conflict but now there’s also nature in the mix • Belly up- death on his mind
“bringing their father’s home safe/-yes, grandfather’s boat- safe” repetition of “safe” shows reason to come back- wants to return to family, memories
“a tuna, the dark prince, muscular, dangerous.” • first mention of danger = power in the whole poem, danger to the mission as it causes the pilot to have doubts, true power is in nature and memory • First full stop in the poem and lots of commas- makes us stop and think like the pilot about what he’s abt to do
“laughed” “loved” at the end of the poem- all in past tense- nothing left for the soldier
“we too learned to be silent”- “learned” should be positive but contrasts with what they learnt- criticises how they were taught shame by the older generations- but it’s said in first person, the daughter is criticising this and teaching her children not to think that way
Poppies
Title- honours and grieves dead soldiers, short single word title shows full intent of the poem and how the mother’s life is consumed by grief
Dramatic monologue- emphasis on the domestic impact and how the soldier isn’t present in the poem
Free verse, enjambment- chaotic, lack of control over the son, distressed
Domestic + military semantic fields- life has been ruined by war
“Spasms of paper red, disrupting a blockade of yellow bias”- mix between war + domestic • “spasms” and “red” is injury and pain- mother is worried or is hurt by letting go (spasms is involuntary muscle action- involuntary letting go), • “paper” is the fragility of the son • “blockade” is military language showing her worry abt the conflict, how she wants to “block” her son from going into the military • “disrupting” the fabric - the son becoming a soldier disrupts the peace or she is trying to disrupt him from going to war
“The dove pulled freely against the sky, / an ornamental stitch”- dove represents peace and grief- she and her son is at peace with death, “pulled freely” is an oxymoron- inner conflict with grief or letting her son go, the comma shows a pause to reflect on the grief, the “ornamental stitch” metaphor for the mother (pretends to hold it together)
“I was brave”- takes down ideas of just the soldier’s bravery but also the mother’s, but past tense shows current weakness from grief
“Sellotape bandaged around my hand” • Bandage shows wounds • Sticks them together one last time- cat hairs are removed, no more reason to stay • Claustrophobic feeling- stuck in the domestic role, can’t go and protect the son
“Blackthorns of your hair”- religious connotations of Jesus on the cross, sacrificed for the country- metaphor for the son
History Boys
"Enemy of education" war metaphor and alliteration, opposition between true understanding of literature and grades only used shallowly “Cheat’s Visa”
"a fact of life" indisputable and unchangable, in opposition with Irwin's views on history (truth does not matter to him until now?)
Drummer Hodge: Intertextuality, Tom Hardy (the poet) represents Hector, sympathising with the ordeal of the youth, Drummer Hodge represents the Boys, thrown into the chaos of life without proper guidance
"She's my western front" war metaphor objectifies Fiona, personal pronoun further expresses how women were seen as objects to be owned
“... all the other shrunken violets you people line up" [you people] segregates gay people, [shrunken violets] derogatory language
"Some of the literature says it will pass" looking to literature for solace and comfort during a sexuality crisis
"All literature is consolation" Dakin changes his mind on literature symbolising him changing to Irwin's side. No need to look for solace in literature when he can pursue Irwin
Parallels with "all knowledge is precious" from Hector - A.E. Housman, one of the first intertextualities and used in the intro to establish his character
“cunt-struck” “a cunt”- Mrs Lintott repeats the colloquialism “cunt” twice, to describe Dakin as “cunt-struck” and Headmaster as “a cunt”. This is the hardest swear in the play and is used show that it wasn’t a slip of the tongue, and to break down stereotypes of women being gentle and passive
“history is women following behind with the bucket” - her big scene about women in history at the end of the play (which is typical for Alan Benett’s plays such as “Kafka’s Dick”) so it would be recent and stay in the audience’s mind when the show ended
Irwin intro as politician in the future "etc., etc." while talking abt freedom- that man gives no fucks about freedom really, just waffling on (first impression for the audience too!!)
Parallel with Holocaust debate- Lockwood uses the SAME EXACT PHRASE while talking abt how the holocaust was bad, (dismissiveness of mass genocide? in this education system? it’s more likely than you think) then goes on to argue that they should be unique with their arguments- Irwin passed on thr mindset even on such an important subject
Hector is set up to be looking cool and all (motorcycle scene dramaticness, greek name connotations, fav teacher) but is absolutely uncool when we get to know him- purposeful? "studied eccentricity" and all. clinging onto youth?
Posner is actually rather helpful as the "dictionary person" bc i doubt the audiences know what "otiose" means
SCRIPPS IS THE MOST RELIGIOUS ONE AND CLOSEST TO POSNER it can dismantle the idea that religion is against queerness
Irwin didnt know how nietzche was pronounced bc from what we know of him he would call Dakin out on that

DAY: MAY 17, 2024

• 5-17-2024NEW DATA OUTLINE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF ENDURANCE EXERCISE TRAINING Treadmill training, a form of endurance exercise, was found to be highly effective “with robust improvements in skeletal muscle citrate synthase activity in as little as [one to two] weeks, and improvements in maximum run speed and maximal uptake by [four to eight] weeks.” The full effect of endurance exercise training was previously unexplained until this study. Researchers sought to develop and implement a standardized endurance exercise protocol in more than 340 rats participating in progressive treadmill training five days a week for one, two,
• 5-17-2024CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT FROM SPOUSE MAY DECREASE WELL-BEING FOR SOME PEOPLE As people age, they often need assistance from their spouse or partner to manage their health problems. Though research has examined the emotional and psychological effects that this support has on the caregiver, less research has been conducted on how it affects care recipients
• 5-17-2024WHEN DEPRESSION MEDS DON’T WORK, THIS MAY HELP YOU TURN THE CORNER Some 30 to 40% of patients do not respond to medications for depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but half of them could be helped by a noninvasive in-office procedure. To mark National Mental Health Awareness Month in May, we talk to psychiatrist Katherine Scangos, M.D., Ph.D., co-director of the Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) and Neuromodulation Program at UC San Francisco. TMS is a logical next step for many patients with an inadequate response to standard
• 5-17-2024CAN OXYTOCIN HELP AGAINST LONELINESS? FINDINGS FROM A RANDOMIZED CONTROLLED TRIAL Loneliness is not a disease. And yet it is a significant health problem. Depression, heart disease or dementia—people who are permanently lonely have a higher risk of becoming ill. The team led by Dr. Jana Lieberz have investigated how loneliness can be specifically combated.
• 5-17-2024STUDY FINDS ANTIOXIDANT DIETARY SUPPLEMENT MAY HELP COUNTER SYSTEMIC SCLEROSIS Oxidative stress is known to exacerbate fibrosis and autoimmunity. In a new study, researchers from Japan have investigated the effects of a dietary antioxidant supplement—Twendee X—on oxidative stress and fibrosis in a mouse model of SSc, an intractable autoimmune disease. Given its effectiveness in other oxidative stress-related diseases including dementia, Twendee X holds the promise of being an effective antioxidant therapeutic against SSc.
• 5-17-2024AUTISTIC PEOPLE’S FEELINGS MOSTLY MISREAD—EMPATHY WORKS BOTH WAYS, RESEARCH REVEALS The idea that autistic people lack empathy is simply short-sighted and non-autistic people may find it just as hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, a study suggests. A paper in the journal Autism flips the script on the often-said stereotype that autistic people have difficulty imagining how others feel. Participants shown video clips featuring autistic and non-autistic people retelling emotional events revealed people without autism find it significantly harder to track autistic people’s emotions. It also revealed people felt emotions more intensely in the body
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS THAT AIR POLLUTION PROMOTES INFLAMMATION IN THE BRAIN, ACCELERATING CONSEQUENCES FOR DEMENTIA Results from a new study suggest that long-term exposure to air pollution leads to increased risk in dementia in Denmark. “We also find association with noise, but this seems to be explained by air pollution primarily.
• 5-17-2024STUDY SHOWS AEROBIC EXERCISE PERFORMED IN THE EVENING BENEFITS ELDERLY HYPERTENSIVES MORE THAN MORNING EXERCISE Aerobic training is known to regulate blood pressure more effectively when practiced in the evening than in the morning. Researchers who conducted a study of elderly patients at the University of São Paulo’s School of Physical Education and Sports (EEFE-USP) in Brazil concluded that evening exercise is better for blood pressure regulation thanks to improved cardiovascular control by the autonomic nervous system via a mechanism known as baroreflex sensitivity.
• 5-17-2024A LONG-TERM KETOGENIC DIET ACCUMULATES AGED CELLS IN NORMAL TISSUES, NEW STUDY SHOWS A strict “keto-friendly” diet popular for weight loss and diabetes, depending on both the diet and individual, might not be all that friendly. A new study led by researchers at The University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio (UT Health San Antonio) found that a continuous long-term ketogenic diet may induce senescence, or aged, cells in normal tissues, with effects on heart and kidney function in particular.
• 5-17-2024US TEEN DIED AFTER DOING SPICY CHIP CHALLENGE: AUTOPSY A US teenager died of cardiac arrest after taking part in a social media challenge daring people to eat a single extremely hot tortilla chip, an autopsy revealed Thursday. Harris Wolobah, a 14-year-old from Massachusetts, died in September after taking part in the so-called “One Chip Challenge”—which involved a single chip produced by Paqui, dusted with Carolina Reaper and Naga Viper peppers. The dare has manifested in several iterations over the years, with the peppers changing each time. The local chief medical examiner determined that Harris died of cardiac arrest
• 5-17-2024IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR SUMMER SLEEPAWAY CAMP? Sleepaway camp can be a lot of fun for kids, but only if they’re ready for the experience. And that’s the tough part—figuring out as a parent when a child is ready to stay away from home, and what they’ll need while they’re at camp, said Dr. Laurel Williams, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. A child who can stay one night away from their family might be ready for camp
• 5-17-2024FDA APPROVES NEW DRUG FOR DEADLY LUNG CANCER
• 5-17-2024ANTI-DIABETIC TREATMENT ASSOCIATED WITH REDUCED RISK OF DEVELOPING BLOOD CANCER
• 5-17-2024HOW THE DANGEROUS LIVER DISEASE SPREADS AND HOW IT CAN BE TREATED Hepatitis is an inflammation of the liver. It is the way the liver responds to various injuries or harmful agents.
• 5-17-2024CLINICIANS REPORT SUCCESS WITH FIRST TEST OF DRUG IN A PATIENT WITH LIFE-THREATENING BLOOD CLOTTING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH TEAM DEVELOPS NEW AI TOOL TO HELP CLASSIFY BRAIN TUMORS
• 5-17-2024ENGLISH FISHING VILLAGE TOLD TO BOIL WATER AFTER A PARASITE OUTBREAK SICKENS OVER 45 PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024TICK SEASON HAS ARRIVED. PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THESE TIPS
• 5-17-2024ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND THE FUTURE OF SURGERY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHER DISCOVERS DRUG THAT MAY DELAY ONSET OF ALZHEIMER’S, PARKINSON’S DISEASE AND TREAT HYDROCEPHALUS
• 5-17-2024KEY PROTEIN BEHIND BRAIN ASYMMETRY UNCOVERED BY SCIENTISTS
• 5-17-2024CELL TYPES AND MOLECULES USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES FOUND TO BE NORMAL COMPONENTS OF GUT IMMUNITY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL MOLECULAR MECHANISMS OF DIFFERENT DONOR ARTERIES FOR CORONARY ARTERY BYPASS GRAFTING
• 5-17-2024LIMITING CERTAIN LIGHT EXPOSURE HAS POTENTIAL TO PREVENT INHERITED RETINAL DYSTROPHY
• 5-17-2024STUDY REVEALS THAT THE BRAIN MODULATES VISUAL SIGNALS ACCORDING TO INTERNAL STATES
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS MAKE STRIDES IN MICROBIOME-BASED CANCER THERAPIES VIA IRON DEPRIVATION IN THE TUMOR MICROENVIRONMENT
• 5-17-2024STUDY OPENS THE DOOR TO DESIGNING THERAPIES TO IMPROVE LUNG DEVELOPMENT IN GROWTH-RESTRICTED FETUSES
• 5-17-2024WASTEWATER REVEALS SOCIOECONOMIC LINK TO ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION
• 5-17-2024A MULTIFACED BRAIN MAP OF RHESUS MONKEY
• 5-17-2024MORE LEPTOSPIROSIS CASES OCCUR AFTER FLOODS, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH FINDS THE PROTEIN VISTA DIRECTLY BLOCKS T CELLS FROM FUNCTIONING IN IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-17-2024GUT BACTERIA ENHANCE CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY IN MOUSE STUDY
• 5-17-2024NEW IMAGING SOFTWARE IMPROVES LUNG DIAGNOSIS FOR 30% OF PATIENTS WHO CAN’T TOLERATE CONTRAST DYE
• 5-17-2024BLACK ADULTS AT RISK FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE LIVE IN MORE POLLUTED AREAS, STUDY FINDS
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS CHRONIC WASTING DISEASE UNLIKELY TO MOVE FROM ANIMALS TO PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024BARRETT’S ESOPHAGUS PRECEDES ESOPHAGEAL CANCER, BUT NOT ALL PATIENTS NEED ABNORMAL CELL REMOVAL
• 5-17-2024THE NEURAL SIGNATURE OF SUBJECTIVE DISGUST COULD APPLY TO BOTH SENSORY AND SOCIO-MORAL EXPERIENCES
• 5-17-2024NEW BLOOD TEST FOR STROKE DETECTION COMBINES BLOOD-BASED BIOMARKERS WITH A CLINICAL SCORE
• 5-17-2024WEB-BASED SELF-HELP INTERVENTION FOUND TO BE BENEFICIAL FOR BINGE EATING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024MARYLAND GOV. WES MOORE SIGNS BILL REQUIRING MENTAL HEALTH TRAINING FOR PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE COACHES
• 5-17-2024NEW TECHNIQUE TO FREEZE BRAIN TISSUE WITHOUT HARM
• 5-17-2024STUDY UNCOVERS KEY FACTORS FOR RESILIENCE AFTER TRAUMA
• 5-17-2024SCAFFOLDING SENSORS DETECT EARLY EVIDENCE OF ORGAN TRANSPLANT REJECTIONS IN MICE
• 5-17-2024NOVEL GENETIC MECHANISMS MAY SERVE AS THERAPEUTIC TARGET AGAINST GLIOMA
• 5-17-2024LINK BETWEEN E-CIGARETTE USE AND EARLY AGE OF ASTHMA ONSET IN US ADULTS DISCOVERED
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY IMPACTS OF RUSSIA-UKRAINE WAR ON HEALTH CARE SYSTEMS IMPACTED BY COMBAT
• 5-17-2024TRIAL HIV VACCINE TRIGGERS ELUSIVE AND ESSENTIAL ANTIBODIES, POINTING THE WAY TOWARD A SUCCESSFUL VACCINE

MAY 17, 2024

• 5-17-2024HOW THE DANGEROUS LIVER DISEASE SPREADS AND HOW IT CAN BE TREATED
• 5-17-2024NEW DATA OUTLINE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF ENDURANCE EXERCISE TRAINING
• 5-17-2024CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT FROM SPOUSE MAY DECREASE WELL-BEING FOR SOME PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024WHEN DEPRESSION MEDS DON’T WORK, THIS MAY HELP YOU TURN THE CORNER
• 5-17-2024CAN OXYTOCIN HELP AGAINST LONELINESS? FINDINGS FROM A RANDOMIZED CONTROLLED TRIAL
• 5-17-2024STUDY FINDS ANTIOXIDANT DIETARY SUPPLEMENT MAY HELP COUNTER SYSTEMIC SCLEROSIS
• 5-17-2024AUTISTIC PEOPLE’S FEELINGS MOSTLY MISREAD—EMPATHY WORKS BOTH WAYS, RESEARCH REVEALS
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS THAT AIR POLLUTION PROMOTES INFLAMMATION IN THE BRAIN, ACCELERATING CONSEQUENCES FOR DEMENTIA
• 5-17-2024STUDY SHOWS AEROBIC EXERCISE PERFORMED IN THE EVENING BENEFITS ELDERLY HYPERTENSIVES MORE THAN MORNING EXERCISE
• 5-17-2024A LONG-TERM KETOGENIC DIET ACCUMULATES AGED CELLS IN NORMAL TISSUES, NEW STUDY SHOWS
• 5-17-2024US TEEN DIED AFTER DOING SPICY CHIP CHALLENGE: AUTOPSY
• 5-17-2024IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR SUMMER SLEEPAWAY CAMP?
• 5-17-2024FDA APPROVES NEW DRUG FOR DEADLY LUNG CANCER
• 5-17-2024ANTI-DIABETIC TREATMENT ASSOCIATED WITH REDUCED RISK OF DEVELOPING BLOOD CANCER
• 5-17-2024CLINICIANS REPORT SUCCESS WITH FIRST TEST OF DRUG IN A PATIENT WITH LIFE-THREATENING BLOOD CLOTTING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH TEAM DEVELOPS NEW AI TOOL TO HELP CLASSIFY BRAIN TUMORS
• 5-17-2024ENGLISH FISHING VILLAGE TOLD TO BOIL WATER AFTER A PARASITE OUTBREAK SICKENS OVER 45 PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024TICK SEASON HAS ARRIVED. PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THESE TIPS
• 5-17-2024ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND THE FUTURE OF SURGERY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHER DISCOVERS DRUG THAT MAY DELAY ONSET OF ALZHEIMER’S, PARKINSON’S DISEASE AND TREAT HYDROCEPHALUS
• 5-17-2024KEY PROTEIN BEHIND BRAIN ASYMMETRY UNCOVERED BY SCIENTISTS
• 5-17-2024CELL TYPES AND MOLECULES USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES FOUND TO BE NORMAL COMPONENTS OF GUT IMMUNITY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL MOLECULAR MECHANISMS OF DIFFERENT DONOR ARTERIES FOR CORONARY ARTERY BYPASS GRAFTING
• 5-17-2024LIMITING CERTAIN LIGHT EXPOSURE HAS POTENTIAL TO PREVENT INHERITED RETINAL DYSTROPHY
• 5-17-2024STUDY REVEALS THAT THE BRAIN MODULATES VISUAL SIGNALS ACCORDING TO INTERNAL STATES
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS MAKE STRIDES IN MICROBIOME-BASED CANCER THERAPIES VIA IRON DEPRIVATION IN THE TUMOR MICROENVIRONMENT
• 5-17-2024STUDY OPENS THE DOOR TO DESIGNING THERAPIES TO IMPROVE LUNG DEVELOPMENT IN GROWTH-RESTRICTED FETUSES
• 5-17-2024WASTEWATER REVEALS SOCIOECONOMIC LINK TO ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION
• 5-17-2024A MULTIFACED BRAIN MAP OF RHESUS MONKEY
• 5-17-2024MORE LEPTOSPIROSIS CASES OCCUR AFTER FLOODS, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH FINDS THE PROTEIN VISTA DIRECTLY BLOCKS T CELLS FROM FUNCTIONING IN IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-17-2024GUT BACTERIA ENHANCE CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY IN MOUSE STUDY
• 5-17-2024NEW IMAGING SOFTWARE IMPROVES LUNG DIAGNOSIS FOR 30% OF PATIENTS WHO CAN’T TOLERATE CONTRAST DYE
• 5-17-2024BLACK ADULTS AT RISK FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE LIVE IN MORE POLLUTED AREAS, STUDY FINDS
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS CHRONIC WASTING DISEASE UNLIKELY TO MOVE FROM ANIMALS TO PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024BARRETT’S ESOPHAGUS PRECEDES ESOPHAGEAL CANCER, BUT NOT ALL PATIENTS NEED ABNORMAL CELL REMOVAL
• 5-17-2024THE NEURAL SIGNATURE OF SUBJECTIVE DISGUST COULD APPLY TO BOTH SENSORY AND SOCIO-MORAL EXPERIENCES
• 5-17-2024NEW BLOOD TEST FOR STROKE DETECTION COMBINES BLOOD-BASED BIOMARKERS WITH A CLINICAL SCORE
• 5-17-2024WEB-BASED SELF-HELP INTERVENTION FOUND TO BE BENEFICIAL FOR BINGE EATING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024MARYLAND GOV. WES MOORE SIGNS BILL REQUIRING MENTAL HEALTH TRAINING FOR PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE COACHES
• 5-17-2024NEW TECHNIQUE TO FREEZE BRAIN TISSUE WITHOUT HARM
• 5-17-2024STUDY UNCOVERS KEY FACTORS FOR RESILIENCE AFTER TRAUMA
• 5-17-2024SCAFFOLDING SENSORS DETECT EARLY EVIDENCE OF ORGAN TRANSPLANT REJECTIONS IN MICE
• 5-17-2024NOVEL GENETIC MECHANISMS MAY SERVE AS THERAPEUTIC TARGET AGAINST GLIOMA
• 5-17-2024LINK BETWEEN E-CIGARETTE USE AND EARLY AGE OF ASTHMA ONSET IN US ADULTS DISCOVERED
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY IMPACTS OF RUSSIA-UKRAINE WAR ON HEALTH CARE SYSTEMS IMPACTED BY COMBAT
• 5-17-2024TRIAL HIV VACCINE TRIGGERS ELUSIVE AND ESSENTIAL ANTIBODIES, POINTING THE WAY TOWARD A SUCCESSFUL VACCINE

Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy

"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"

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Cate, Yellowknife, Canada 33yo Female 5’6'', 118-120 pounds Meds (went from none to): Propranolol 20 to 40mg/day Ketotifen (1-4mg/day) Rupall (20-40mg/day) Very new since yesterday: Amitriptyline 10mg As needed now (hate them but was told to take to avoid CNS and ANS and PNS attacks): Valium 5-10mg as needed (I don’t take it everyday at all and just started taking it AFTER my venous gases were taken so they didn’t do what you will read about)
Supplements: Curcumin LongVida Quercetin Resveratrol Benfothiamine L-Carnitine Ubiquinol NAC NADH
Hi!
My name is Cate. I am 33yo and I am from Canada. Just to give a little bit of a background, I was always an extremely active person. I have a dog I used to walk and hike with hours a day. I would happily trade a party with friends just to go walk with my dog. I always was a highly sensitive person nervous system wise. When I was young, I would tell my mom to 'turn off the sun' (lol). I lived well with it though. I became a social worker. Worked crazy hours. I’ve had insomnia for years since a first nervous injury after getting EBV. I recovered though. I moved to a very small town 7 years ago and I live with my dog. I love Life and the outdoor. The only health issue I had was a sensitive nervous system and some rosacea. I also know now that I was prone to dysautonomia but I was extremely active so having low BP and athletic HR (50bpm) wasn’t unusual. I would sometimes get dizzy when standing but not always and never had tachycardia or palpitations from it. I also had slightly stretchy skin so was prone to EDS. I know now, you’ll soon understand why. Back in 2018, I took Accutane and burnt in the sun. I developed mild SFN but it went away with time and my life was normal. More than normal. It was great! :)
In December 2023 I was prescribed Doxy for my Rosacea. I took it once and had to stop as I felt warm patches of skin on my body. It reminded me of the SFN. So I didn’t take a chance. However, I noticed in the weeks after that I had developed a weird anxiety and some insomnia (nervous system injury #1). A few weeks later, I was told to try Metronidazole. I used it for about 2 weeks. All hell broke loose. It started with pins and needles in hands and feet. Never had that before so I didn’t think much of it. Then I became very dizzy. And my mood changed. I was crying for no reason, historically. And I started having burning skin on my limbs. I stopped the meds. But it was too late. I had developed palpitations, lower voice, weak legs, etc. I had a neurotoxicity. (Nervous system injury #2) My doctor didn’t want to believe it was that but was thinking GBS. I was however hyoerreflexive so it wasn’t GBS. But he prescribed some Ativan. I took it but quickly it wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do. After even just a few days I could feel more anxiety. It was awful. So I stopped taking them after about 10 days. Things went from bad to worse: terrible panic attacks, flashes of light and stroboscopic type of images when closing my eyes, insomnia but to the point of not sleeping for a month, pelvic floor pain, myoclonus jerks, full body internal vibration, sensitivity to sound, it was scary. (Nervous system injury #3). I forgot to say but my periods also never came.
I was sent for an MRI and obviously my MRI was ok. But things were NOT normal. My palpitations were so bad, my heart would skip beats, I was so dehydrated cause I became hyperadrenergic. I also started to have anhedonia and my GI motility stopped. I could not feel hunger anymore. It was weird. But I wasn’t short of breath. Just had palpitations. Doctors told me I have FND, but it was not FND. FND doesn’t stop your periods, doesn’t mess with your hormones, doesn’t give you continuous insomnia for a month. And I never had a limb not functioning or had a seizure. Therefore. I left to find more and better answers. I knew it as the nervous system but I am not a doctor so had to rely on them for help.
I went back to my home town. I was a mess but physically I was fine. I was eating, digesting, but I had become more short fuse, still having the myoclonus, and all the other weird symptoms with some derealization and sound sensitivity. But I could still laugh etc. I went to see a doctor and he thought maybe it was a bad withdrawal so I was put on a high dose of Valium. Obviously all of my symptoms vanished but others showed up: I started having hand tremors and benzos would act very paradoxically on me. It was increasing my BP and HR, made me cry all the time and become aggressive. I had to come off then. I stayed on them for 6 weeks from 40mg (that’s crazy, I was taking 1mg of Ativan..) to 25mg and was then switched to Gabapentin. The hospital who did that however decided after a few days that I didn’t need the Gabapentin anymore and removed it. I thought I was gonna die. I started having tremors on my face and even to my tongue. I started being very agitated (obviously, I was going through a terrible withdrawal!) and was told they would inject me with antipsychotic. I honestly have never been this traumatized in my life. I restarted the Gabapentin and took it for a month. Hated it too cause ai was super paradoxical to it as well. Most people feel calm on Gabapentin. I felt so agitated and developed weird body movements like my head would twist involuntarily and my fingers were moving from left to right, especially on my left hand.
I stopped the Gabapentin after tapering. In a few days, I was back to normal. I was so happy. Could walk my dog daily, drive, go to the grocery store, I had found myself again. Until I went on a hike. It wasn’t a long hike but it was more demanding than the walks I was doing on flat ground daily. I would walk for several hours but never to the point of being anaerobic. On that hike I did though.
After the hike, I started feeling jittery. My nervous system didn’t like that at all. I went to bed, put on a meditation and fell asleep. That night is still traumatic lol. I felt electric zaps all in my body and spine. I sweat so much. I woke up drenched and with pain everywhere but mostly, every joint in my body cracked. Every single one. I had never been in pain like that in my life. But also, the palpitations were back but much much worse. And also high BP, which I never had even during the beginning after the neurotoxicity started. I wasn’t able to function anymore. I saw my GP and he didn’t like what he saw. I was completely dehydrated, muscles and joints were all painful, crazy palpitations, high blood pressure that I never had before, could hardly walk. He sent me to the hospital. He also confirmed this isn’t FND for the same reasons I mentioned before, and he knows me very well. All my muscles literally melted almost overnight. Like literally melted. And my skin had become stretchy as if all my connective tissues broke down (EDS flared up but like literally overnight).
Once at the hospital, they finally took things more seriously. I was started on on IV fluid for low potassium (very weird cause I make my electrolytes every day and never had an issue with that. You’ll see, it’s relevant). I also had elevated proteins in my body. Very weird too cause I wasn’t eating more proteins than I used to. I also had low WBC. My hormones were obviously all over the place. I was actually due to start my period and it never came. I stopped pooing again and stopped digesting my food. I know that’s dysautonomia. I had started to feel slightly better after a few days and walked a bit in the hallway. That night.. other ‘attack’. I don’t know how to call them. A few days after that, I still had pain in my muscles and was scared I was denervated (Metronidazole does that), so I though I would speed up the process by giving myself a full body deep tissue massage….. worse mistake of my life. Worse attack that night and the next day I had burning pain all over. Worse palpitations. All over. I also am now in a wheelchair because if I walk even a few minutes, I get an attack that night and wake up with even more weird stuff.
Fast forward to now. I am in Vancouver, Canada. As there isn’t many specialists in my small town (there isn’t any lol). I am worse than ever. My bloodwork look horrendous. My venous gases show I am in acidosis. I cannot breathe if I sit up or stand so I am laying down. My fasting glucose is at 6. I wore a CGM for months and I had perfect blood sugar and was never insulin resistant. I have low MPVs. Low potassium always despite eating bananas and drinking electrolytes all the time. My skin is completely dehydrated and flaking. I get palpitations even laying down.
I had a nerve conduction test and so far so good, I still have nerves. This is not just dysautonomia. Even at my worse, I didn’t have palpitations laying down in bed. And never to that extend. I have developed every problems of the Pentad like it is called: EDS, Dysautonomia, MCAS, Autoimmunity and I don’t remember the last one but I have it too.
I know this is an over reactive/over sensitive nervous system. That’s quite obvious. I have been running on NS injuries after NS injuries for almost 5 months. Also, my breath smells like ketones now I was told. I eat normally.
However, there is more. I forgot to say, on top of that, I have a pituitary tumour (but we know it’s not that causing the issues as when I was on benzos, my periods came back!), I have a thyroid nodula but it’s non-secreting (have had it over 10 years now) and I have a history of hypothyroidism for which I took meds for two months and then I never had an issue with it again. They tested it at the hospital and it’s ok. There is some auto-immunity in my family. My sister had a bout of RA after she gave birth, my mom has EDS for sure and also had Endometriosis, she also has orthostatic intolerance which is the very beginning stage of dysautonomia, she has rosacea prone skin too. Etc.
I know this cascade triggered viral infections and auto-immunity, but what do I do? These things are understood by only a small minority of doctors and I don’t know where to start. I think I will never get better if we don’t figure out the cause of my problems with the insulin and mostly why I have respiratory acidosis!
I don’t have ANA activated so far in my bloodwork for the main stuff but clearly I know what’s up..! I know EDS is considered a genetic condition but I strongly think as many doctors that they are auto-immune related. Never had any problems with that until my nervous system broke down which also activated inflammation and my immune system to start having real troubles.
Let me know where to start please, I am scared of dying in the hotel room. I am tired of being in bed but I know I am making things worse when I walk. I am developing ME/CFS, I know it, but it still won’t say why I am hypoventilating 24/7 with low potassium and low MPV and low WBC with high proteins. I am freaking out that my life and health are literally going to hell because of an antibiotic..! For a perioral dermatitis 😂..! I am remaining calm but.. not gonna lie.. it’s no fun.
Thanks for your help!!!
Cate xx

In the fast-paced rhythm of modern life, where stress and tension often become unwelcome companions, there exists a sanctuary of relaxation and rejuvenation – the full body massage. It's not merely a luxury but a therapeutic ritual that has been practiced for centuries, transcending cultures and civilizations. From ancient Eastern techniques to modern Western spas, the art of full body massage has evolved into a harmonious blend of tradition and innovation, offering a plethora of benefits for both body and mind.
Imagine a tranquil setting, where soft music plays in the background and the soothing aroma of essential oils fills the air. You lie comfortably on a plush massage table, ready to embark on a journey of profound relaxation. The skilled hands of a trained masseuse begin to work their magic, starting from the crown of your head and cascading down to the tips of your toes. With each stroke and knead, tension melts away, and a sense of calm envelops you.
One of the most remarkable aspects of a full body massage is its ability to address a wide range of physical ailments. Whether you're suffering from muscle stiffness, joint pain, or poor circulation, the therapeutic touch of massage can provide much-needed relief. Through techniques such as effleurage, petrissage, and friction, muscles are gently manipulated, releasing built-up tension and promoting better blood flow. This not only alleviates pain but also enhances flexibility and range of motion, allowing you to move more freely and comfortably.
However, the benefits of a full body massage extend far beyond the physical realm. In today's hyper-connected world, where stress has become an epidemic, taking time to nurture your mental well-being is essential. Massage therapy has been shown to reduce levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, while simultaneously increasing the production of serotonin and dopamine, the body's natural feel-good chemicals. The result? A profound sense of relaxation and contentment that lingers long after the massage session ends.
Moreover, a full body massage can also stimulate the body's natural healing processes, boosting the immune system and promoting overall wellness. By activating the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the body's "rest and digest" mode, massage encourages deep relaxation and facilitates the body's ability to repair and regenerate. This holistic approach to healing acknowledges the interconnectedness of body, mind, and spirit, fostering a sense of balance and harmony within.
Of course, the experience of a full body massage is highly customizable, tailored to suit your individual needs and preferences. Whether you prefer gentle Swedish strokes, invigorating deep tissue pressure, or the ancient art of Thai massage, there's a style to suit every taste. Additionally, the use of aromatherapy oils, hot stones, or even specialized techniques like reflexology can further enhance the therapeutic benefits of the massage, creating a truly indulgent experience for the senses.
In conclusion, a full body massage is not merely a pampering indulgence but a profound act of self-care that nourishes the body, mind, and soul. In a world that often demands so much of us, taking the time to unwind and recharge is not just a luxury but a necessity. So, the next time you find yourself in need of relaxation and rejuvenation, consider booking a session and surrendering to the blissful embrace of a full body massage. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

My boyfriend helped me move into my new place last night. I was super excited for it since I hadn’t seen him in a while and he was spending the night. I knew we might do a little more then we had previously and I had considered the idea we’d go all the way.
After unloading and unpacking we went to go get a bite to eat (I paid since he did help me move in) and then we went back to my place to chill. He seemed exhausted and I was a little tired too so we snuggled under the cover’s. This lead to a make out session which lead to him giving me head. After me I was returning the favor when suddenly he says “I want to hit it from the back”. Now for context I am a virgin so I asked if he was sure. I was starting to feel okay about it because I really did love him and haven’t felt this way about anyone else. He said “yeah are you okay with it?” I reminded him I was a virgin and we both wanted it to be meaningful. He usually takes it very seriously but I think in the heat of the moment he no longer really cared. Because as soon as I had said “just know you would be taking my V and it means a lot to me” and “But should we I don’t want any surprises”(referring to pregnancy) he pulled out a condom and put it on.
Now I hadn’t technically said yes because of how nervous I felt about it but I guess I did imply it. It was alright with me in the moment as well because we had previously had a talk about how I’m okay with him being a little rough AFTER my first time. I told him I just needed him to be gentle and nice for my first. So now he started trying to put it in but we were struggling because I am pretty small compared to him and he’s pretty big. I think a big part about it was how it just felt more like he was ready to just pleasure himself then to make sure I was okay. We couldn’t get it all the way in and it was VERY painful. Little by little he started to get more aggressive with me.
I started saying stuff like be careful and so we tried missionary then and he still couldn’t get it in. At this point I believe he was struggling cause I didn’t feel relaxed at all. I then gave an awkward laugh and said you struggling there to try and make light of the situation and my pain but he got even more aggressive and started choking me.I like a little choking when we make out but like I’m kinda in pain dude. So I verbally say “you’re being too rough” and I kept slightly pushing him away. And he kept going so I eventually pushed him away harder and said his name and he pulled out what little he fit in. He then ripped off the condom and pushed me onto my bed and came all over my face.
I felt like crap after that and just sat there baffled on what had happened. He went on his phone for a sec before asking what happened. I felt sick and overwhelmed. I grabbed tissues to clean us up and changed my top and then I kinda just sat there. I then looked at him and said why were you so rough. He immediately felt guilty afterwards and apologized profusely but by then I had suddenly burst into tears unknowing of why.
He apologized profusely and he started acting like the usual caring bf. He said he didn’t knew what had gotten into him and he said he felt like crap. He left and prayed for a bit and repented and then we had a conversation which made me feel better but he was still sulking. He started acting less touchy with me the rest of the night. And almost even left but I told him if he did leave I’d feel worse so he stayed the night. He didn’t touch me the rest of the night not even a snuggle or a hug unless I initiated it.
The next day was the same and he even left earlier then he was supposed too. We went to pick up breakfeast and he wasn’t affectionate at all no hand on thigh and no kisses. After he ate back at my place he left with a good bye kiss that felt forced and an I love you and I sat there like a sad puppy. We called again later and he said he was struggling with giving me affection like before and he didn’t know if he could love or see me in the same way after what he did. He said he doesn’t want a break or a break up but he said he doesn’t get that tingly feeling when I call him his nicknames like usual. He also said he thinks he wants to be abstinent for a while or maybe even until marriage. now for me i want a balanced relationship with both physical and non physical aspects. i need a good balance but id be willing to wait for a while, however it also feels as tho he doesn't love me with what he was saying on the phone.
I’m so confused. I feel like it’s my fault cause we couldn’t get it in. I also feel upset because still love him and I don’t know what to do. Should I try and fix the relationship and how can I? Should I break up with him. Also am I still a virgin or not like wth (last question is me trynna cope with humor sorry y’all) 😔
UPDATE: I appreciate all your guys advice, I’m not sure if I want to break up with him yet or not but he just told me he still wants to be with me but he thinks that we should talk less so that he has room to miss me. The phone call honestly felt like he was blaming me for talking to him but he is equally asked me to call and talk. We talk every night but it’s mostly cause we don’t see each other often and we want to catch up about our days since he doesn’t text at all. His texting skills are awful so the phone call at the end of the night reassures me even if it was a quick I love you and good night. A couple times it’s been quick calls since we’ve both been busy and we just talk for a little and hang up. And there have been times where I’ve stopped what I was doing and stepped away from friends for a moment to answer his call. I think and I love you to him tho doesn’t mean as much as it does to me. Idk if he’s going to try and pull the ghost card on me or what. I’m frustrated cause my heart still loves him but it also aches from what he did to me.

I hate that I'm such nervous wreck all the time. It's constant and I've been this way since I was a young child. I remember feeling the same way as a toddler in daycare, on my first day of kindergarten, all throughout my school years and college, and at work. As I child I learned how to mask it to the point where no one notices but my body still physically reacts. My heart races. I sweat through my clothes. I can't think at all. I'm like a cornered animal trying to find a way out of the situation but still trying to appease everyone around me, like the fawn response.
I'm (29F) diagnosed with POTS, VVS, ME/CFS, hEDS, MCAS, and Autism. All diagnosed in the past couple years. I assume it's the combination of Autism and Dysautonomia that is causing this reaction and it's only getting worse over the years. I have both sympathetic and parasympathetic excess.
It's not like I'm fearful of people or embarrassed to be myself. I don't have "traditional" social anxiety but I believe Autism has a lot to do with it. No matter how much I try to put myself out there and socialize, it never gets any better. I've been with in a D&D group for 2 years now and I'm dripping in sweat every session for no reason. Like I'm having fun playing and actively participating but my dumb nervous system acts up for no reason. It can be as simple as the cashier at the grocery store trying to make small talk or the doctors office calling to confirm an appointment and I'll be dripping in sweat.
The thing that annoys me the most is that this happens everytime I'm at a doctor's appointment too. I'm already a nervous wreck the night before from anticipating that I'll be dismissed in some way from a lifetime of medical gaslighting. Then when I get to the office I put on my "happy face mask" (automatic response) and act like everything is fine. I end up forgetting what I wanted to say, so I've made a habit of writing up everything I want to talk about to bring to the appointment. But then I minimize my issues and it makes it seem like I'm not suffering as much as I really am. If they ask me a question I didn't prepare for beforehand, I never answer the way I want because I forget everything. Then when I get up, I've sweat through my clothes and the tissue paper on the exam table. If I'm not careful with my clothing choices, it can look like I pissed myself.
I'm currently in the process of applying for SSDI (disability) and am waiting to be scheduled for a hearing in front of a judge. I'm so nervous because I'm afraid I'll do the same thing by making myself appear "fine" and then get denied because I was masking. No one sees the "real" me because it's hiding behind this mask glued to my face.
I'm trying so hard to get over this and I don't think I ever will. It makes me so tired to experience this and I try not to have more than one "social activity" a week, including doctotherapy appointments. The only person I can talk to without reacting like this is my partner. Thankfully I am 100% relaxed when I'm alone with him. He tells me I'm a completely different person around him vs other people, as if I put on my "customer service" act around others. He says I'm more "cheerful" and "happy" around others but he knows it's all an act. He can also tell when I get too overwhelmed and makes an excuse for us to leave. I'm lucky to have him as a partner.
I've seen many, many therapists and been on several antidepressants and none have been able to help. And because therapy appointments are so long, I usually get so overwhelmed I begin crying for no apparent reason. I have to take the rest of the day to relax after a therapy appointment. They're too much for me to handle but I still go to therapy because everyone swears it'll help eventually. It's been 19 years of therapy and it's only gotten worse. I've come to the conclusion that it's just my damn nervous system overreacting.

Packing up a bag to solve one of the jobs that had been on the back burner, the island overrun with zombies was getting resolved. Checking the contents over one more time, the raw pain of losing Croak drove me to this point. The twins’ hopping down the stairs had me grumbling under my breath, both of them bowing to me. What kind of childhood did they have if they felt the need for that type of behavior? This was irritating the shit out of me. Perhaps it was everything else.
“May we come?” Travy inquired with a nervous smile, her sister holding onto her arm. “I want to destroy what my mother built. Forgive a girl for dreaming.” Both of them looked eager, her usual white suit contrasting her sister’s frilly pink number of a dress ironically. Mulling over her reason, the vows would serve to protect me from assassination. Rolling my eyes, I couldn’t believe what I was about to say.
“Fine but I will be keeping a sharp eye on you. No funny business.” I spoke sternly, zipping up my bag. Whispering among themselves, the talking behind my back is not what I signed up for. Clearing my throat, the twins’ straightened up. Saluting me, this stiff behavior was wearing on my nerves even more. Marching up to them, little to no protest met me lowering their hands. Abuse had led them to such behavior, my task of undoing the learned behavior would be a tedious one.
“Please stop doing that. I want you to respect me by calling me Corpsy, ‘kay.” I pleaded with my genuine smile, both of them attempting to bow again. Catching their foreheads, enough was enough. Parting my lips to speak several times, my expression softening further. Pushing them back into the attention position, they needed to let their guard down. What do you say to a couple of traumatized individuals?
“I don’t bite unless I have to.” I promised them with a hearty chuckle, the edge coming off of their expressions. “Let’s go kill some zombies my pals kept contained for me. Splattered brains and skulls will feel like confetti at this point.” Rolling the transportation spell ball in my palm, a drop of my blood was all I needed. Extending my claws, the tips sank into the tender flesh of my palm. Blood coated my palm, the clear ball glowing to life. Clinging to my arms, a blinding light whisked us to an abandoned city. Fussing with my simple black tank top and cargo pants, this environment had me twisting my waves into neat french braids. Decaying skyscrapers towered over us, every building seeming to be a new level. Chewing on her lips, Saly had true fear in her eyes. Sniffing the air, the remains of a curse had me thinking a witch was in charge here. The true question was where was she, ghastly groans rang out from all around us. Rotting corpses at varying points of decay limped out, the smell sickening the three of us. Spinning on my heels, Saly and Travy waited patiently for orders.
“We are going to slice our way to a necromancer and execute her. If I am correct, we might even get some clues relating to your mother’s plans with Stormana. Sounds great?” Shooting me shaky thumbs up, a kick had my dagger into my eager palm. Extending my blade to its full length, the fun was set to begin. Remembering that Roseworth asked me to do this a while back, she would be proud of me. Spinning their blades in their palms, sly grins illuminated their features. Croak’s smile flashed in my mind, an arrow striking my heart. Croak had been my friend in the dark, the silence killing me every time I hopped into the hearse. Swinging away, heads rolled to my feet. Lightning crackled along the cars, Travy pointing to the closest skyscraper. Leaping over the zombies, shadow snakes slithered down my arms. Sending them out to find the necromancer, Saly pushed me into the glass doors. Locking the doors behind us, eyes glowed around us. Ordering them to shut down their lightning, too much power could bring the building down on us. Rubble covering us was the last thing we needed in this mission, the girls flashing me pleading looks.
“We need to get to the rooftop and get off the ground.” I ordered with a tired smile, my team members nodding with eager grins. “Cut your way to the stairs.” Moonlight bathed the lobby, color draining from my face. A thousand corpses surrounded us, the three of us standing back to back. Admiration burned in their eyes, an honest smile curling on our lips. Three stairwells seemed to hide from us, my snakes slithered over the sea of feet to tell me where our target was. Brushing against my arms on the way up, their hisses told me that she was several buildings away. Whipping their heads towards the clearest path, the twins picked up on it. Covering each other, sludgy black painted our faces with every swing. Jumping over the dropping bodies, relief flooded from our lips upon contact with the first step of the stairs. Three zombies lingered on the next landing, their lack of brains preventing them from going down the stairs. Sending Saly ahead, her skirt floated up with every swing. Crashing up the stairs, the grunting noises soon became the background soundtrack with every second closer to the rooftop. Kicking the door open, harsh air nipped at my cheeks. Black ash drifted like snow, the ash reminding me of a Gothic blizzard. Asking my snakes where to go next, their tails pointed towards the skyscraper twenty feet away from me. Backing up to the edge, our feet pounded together across the helicopter pad. Pushing off the edge, a quiet terror dimmed my eyes at the foul stench blowing my braids about. Landing gracefully, the endless sea of zombies on the streets had me shuddering. Leaping from rooftop to rooftop, a couple of hisses had me stopping at the rooftop of an art deco skyscraper. Massaging my forehead, we needed to get in. The usual growls and snarls had us shifting our attention to changed zombies, something seeming off. Cocking my head to the left, horror rounded my eyes at the chains holding them groaning in protest. Nudging my comrades, their terrified eyes met mine. Time for them to let some frustration loose.
“Cut them down before we have an issue.” I whispered loud enough for them to hear and for them to hear alone. Flipping over to the poor souls, lightning bounced off of their blades. Watching them work like a well oiled machine, the image of Croak’s smile in the early morning light had tears welling up in my eyes. A chill ran up my spine, the energy shifting. Glancing up, storm clouds rumbled to life, heavy rain washing the blood and guts off of us. The door into the building clicked open, caution giving me honest hesitation. Urging me to move ahead, it was almost as if I could hear Croak. Hollow footfalls thumped up the stairs, the color drained from my cheeks at a rotting Croak reaching out for me. Opening her mouth, maggots splattered onto the concrete of the rooftop. Stumbling back, the twins caught me before I fell off the roof.
“What’s the matter, love?” She inquired in a gritty tone, her sweet smile sickening me. “Don’t you want to hug me? You did get me killed after all.” Inky splotches dotted my trembling hand, the rain darkening to demon blood. Violent sobs mixed with shortened breaths, my heart seconds from beating out of its chest. Struggling to find any air, her hollow footfalls thumped closer to me. Pausing in front of me, her hands cupped my face. Raising her foot slowly, she kicked us off the roof. Zooming towards the sea of hungry zombies, a numbness came over my face. My comrades begged for me to snap out of it, Croak shifting into a woman with a golden silky bob. Violet eyes twinkled with malice, her spike covered leather dress matching flawlessly to her combat boots. A silver staff glittered in her palm, the skull resting on a carved bone handle. Snapping awake at her chanting, a pool on the roof of one of the other buildings caught my eyes. Building shadow energy at the tip of my blade, a flick of wrist smashed the skyscraper into smithereens. Using the energy to send me back up closer to her, the twins grinned ear to ear at the water flooding the streets. A jolting experience was scheduled for her friends.
“Get the necromancer. We have a shocking gift to jolt those souls awake.” Travy giggled maniacally, her sister joining in with giggles. Smashing more skyscrapers around us, the water flowed like a wild river. Kicking me closer, my trembling fingers snagged on the edge. Lightning lit up the stormy sky, Saly and Tavy winking as they slammed the tip of their blades into a metal skyscraper’s roof. Showing me their rubber boots, pride glistened in their eyes. Pulling myself up with a gruff grunt, a snarl met my broken but defiant smile. Shaking off my fraying nerves, the base of my anxiety remained. Spinning my blade in my palm, the necromancer tapped her staff on the rooftop. A straight blade the size of mine cut my cheek with its expansion, haughty laughter tumbling off her slick tongue. Bad guys needed to calm down with the cockiness, my eyes rolling at her next outburst of frustration.
“Why must you be so insistent!” She growled through gritted teeth, my fingers playing numbly with the cut on my cheek. “Wake up and fight me.” Her chest puffed up and down, frustration darkening her eyes. Rolling my eyes, someone thought highly of themselves. Snapping my head in her direction, an iciness came over me. No one called me out without having their flaws being pointed out as well.
“Fuck you for that trick. Clearly you don’t have a conscience. How many people had to suffer for you to play your stupid game?” I snarled bitterly, a shadow growing behind me. “We let you play for a little too long. Time for you to die.” Charging at each other, sparks danced in the air with every violent clash. Everything doubled, her head cocking to the left creepily. Smashing her fist into my stomach, a splash of blood exploded from my mouth. Sinking to my knees, several organs had burst. Struggling to my feet, she wasn’t going to win. No! This nuisance wasn't going to survive my retaliation.
“Give up already. Your boss left me unchecked for way too long.” She bragged with a Cheshire Cat grin, my hand holding my stomach. Wheezing through the raw agony, my blade trembled uncontrollably. Leaning onto my blade, her hit had some spice to it. Screw her for breaking my insides!
“Never. I would lay down my life the world. Not to be a bitch but you are pissing me off.” I wheezed between words, more blood pouring from the corner of my mouth. “Don’t act all high and mighty with that fucking bullshit that you believe. The dead should stay dead.” Shivering as I raised my blade, my blood painted her face. Slapping my cheek to get myself to focus, shadow snakes hissed to life around me. Swinging her blade towards my head, sparks danced in the air with the violent clash. Pushing her back, the puddle of blood splashed around my feet as I crashed into her building. Sliding down the railing, my feet touched a plush carpet. Spicy wit would have to be my friend, Croak’s real energy raising the hair on the back of my neck. Opening the door, her translucent form sat on the bed. Locking the door behind me, the building rattled. Burying her spirit into a hug, my tears cascaded down her form. Releasing her, her cold thumbs wiped away my tears. Wishing that I didn't have to leave her, too many words bounced around the tip of my tongue.
“Why are you here and not in Heaven?” I asked feverishly, holding her hands like my life depended on it. “Please tell me that you didn’t come here to draw me here.” Averting her gaze to the golden wall, the door began to rattle violently. Cupping my face, the words couldn’t come to her lips. Shaking like a leaf, this couldn’t be real. Speak! Speak, damn it! What I wouldn't do to hear her voice one more time.
“I was stolen from Heaven to this bloody place. Can you free me one last time? There is a deal I made and it has not been fulfilled yet.” She wept dejectedly, my heart breaking for her. “You look like you are doing alright, love.” Uncontrollable sobs wracked my body at how she spoke the word love, the door bursting open. Rising to my feet with a true defiant grin on a determined face, her reign of terror was over. Spinning my blade over my head, the twins paused in the doorway.
“I burn everything you created for what you have done!” I wheezed once more with tears hitting the carpet, hating her for everything she stole from everyone. “You stole someone important from me. Croak was like a fucking goddamn sister to me and you denied her happiness. Fuck you! Get to safety, you fucking idiots!” Running towards the window, lightning lit up the room as they ran down the building. Hoping that survived this, something told me that I might not make it.
“What are you planning to do?” She questioned icily, Croak standing up behind me. “She was easy to capture on the way up. Maybe I wanted to get the bounty on your head by the dark gods. Who wouldn’t want immortality?” Was that really the prize over my head?
“At least it's a steep bounty.” I retorted sarcastically, the corner of lip twitching into a half-smirk. “You wouldn’t be the first person who wants my head on a wall. Too bad I don’t fucking care. Time to bring the big guns.” Shadowy snakes held her in place, her blade rolling over to my feet. My patience had worn thin, my hands picking up her staff. Snapping it in half, it melted into a puddle of boiling hot silver. Panic rounded her eyes, her sinister grin fading for but a second.
“I don’t usually break out my fire powers because the damage is immense.” I growled through gritted teeth, black flames crackling to life as I marched towards her. “Look at you getting the special treatment. Shrinking my blade down to dagger form, black flames devoured my hand. Slamming it into her chest, my fingers curled around her heart. Extending my claws into the tissue, her fingernails scratched at my arm. Shrill shrieks pierced my ears, flames cooking her from the inside. Burning to a pile of blackened ash, Croak covered her mouth. Collapsing to the floor, my muscles had chosen to give out at the worst possible moment. Cursing under my breath, the building groaned in protest. Every attempt to move had me crying into the carpet, Croak begging for me to get up. Shaking my head, every muscle refused to comply with my desire to rise to my feet.
“I can’t.” I snapped into the carpet, my own blood pooling around me. “I used up all of my juice. Be a pal and stay by my side. You know, for old times’ sake.” Coughing up more blood, my claws dug into the floor. Images of Miles running around with my girls had me smiling to myself. Must life always flash before one's eyes. Croak plopped down next to me, her hand taking mine. Tavy and Saly skidded in, Tavy tossing me over her shoulder. Hating for a second that I was going to survive, my hand reached for Croak. Holding on for a second, her warmth felt like her embrace.
“I am not letting you die today, boss.” She chirped cheerfully, tucking my dagger into its case. “Sal, cover our asses.” Sprinting down the halls, Croak waving as she rounded the corner. Watching her spirit float into the sky, silent tears cascaded from my eyes. Letting them rip me from one of the only friends I had ever had, time slowed as they leapt into the crashing waves. Keeping me above the waves, black flames devoured every building. Debris whistled over my head, the lost souls floating into the sky. A wave of exhaustion crashed over me, a rough darkness stealing me away.
Groaning awake on a sandy beach, my wounds had been repaired. The empty vials shimmered next to me, a migraine throbbing to life. Tavy was cursing tersely over a fire that wouldn’t start while Saly struggled with a makeshift fishing pole. A fit of laughter exploded from my lips, a wry smile lingering on my lips. Fishing around my pockets while they rushed over to fret over me, their mother taught them nothing about survival. Sitting up with another groan, the pile of rubble had me tearing up for the millionth time. Stop crying was all I could yell at myself. Plucking my phone from my pocket, the waterproof case had it working. Dialing Morte’s number, he would get the coordinates and come get us. Getting the answering machine, a low growl rumbled in my throat. Rising to my feet, the trees blurred. Running up to me, my palms caught their foreheads before they could bow.
“Treat me like a friend, not a tyrant.” I spoke warmly, the girls straightening up. “Let’s go home. There might be a town not far from her. Dusting off my outfit, I buttoned up the leather jacket to hide the bloody tank top. Undoing my braids, perfect waves floated around my shoulders. Flaking the dried blood off of my face as we hiked, a small town with a single gas station came into view. Spinning on my heels, they shot me a thumbs up. Walking casually into the gas station, colorful snacks lined the shelves. Grabbing a ginger ale on the way to the counter, Tavy slid a couple of candy bars onto the gaudy counter covered in different lighters. Of course, they were hungry. How could I forget?
“Excuse me sir but you know where we are? Our car ran off the road and my cell phone broke in the accident.” I choked out with fresh tears in my eyes, the twins matching my energy. “I need to call a tow truck and I need to know what town we are in.” Sliding over his phone, he gave some a common town name in the United States. Leaving us in privacy, he wouldn’t accept our money. Pretending to dial a number, I hung up and left a wet twenty on the table. Cracking open my soda on the way out, the cool liquid felt nice going down my throat. Turning to face them, a plan had to be formed. Please don't be a daft one.
“You can’t transport or anything?” One of them asked cautiously, my eyebrow twitching at the question. Transportation was out of the question right now with my lack of powers, neither of them needing to know that. Walking into a small park, the early afternoon sun painted the water a nice purple. Dialing my phone again, Morte didn’t pick up. What the hell was he doing? Dialing Wut, he didn’t pick up. Why wasn't anyone picking up!
“Pick up the damn phone, you idiots!” I shouted out of the blue, the others jumping ten feet into the air. “Sorry, my bed is calling me.” Yawning groggily, every muscle in my body ached fiercely. Typing in ways to get home, a bus station wasn’t too far from here. Checking my wallet, I had enough for three tickets home. Marching over to the bus station, the elderly clerk looked me up and down before accepting my money. Sliding over our tickets, the strangers shot us odd looks as we sank into the seats in the back. Trees turned into buildings and back into trees, the four hour bus ride giving me plenty of time to fume. Parking on the edge of the town of my business, another hour passed before I kicked open the door. Everyone looked up, Morte’s damn phone was in a bag of rice. How the hell did that freaking happen?
“Who the hell didn’t pick us up!” I roared thunderously, Morte putting his hands in the air. “I have been calling and calling! I needed someone to talk to. Fuck all of you!” Stomping upstairs to get changed, a new dress waited for me with Roseworth sitting on the bed in one of her usual onyx lace dresses. Folding my arms across my chest, it was her fault I didn’t have a return spell. Who sends someone on a mission without a way back!
“I solved your fucking problem!” I spat viciously, fighting another wave of tears. “Death almost claimed me again. I understand that it needed to be done but I have one damn question! Did you know that Croak was there? Is that why you sent me? That was a freaking joke and cruel at best. I loved her like a sister.” Covering my mouth, tears dripped off of my hands. It hurt to say that out loud, a bit of shame dimming my eyes for a second. No, an explanation was deserved.
“As long as I have lived I have never ever been put through so much mental pain! If you want to continue to be in my life, then secrets don’t exist! Am I understood?” I continued hotly, the guilt in her eyes softening my expression. “Sorry for yelling. I have had a rough day. What’s with the dress anyway?” Bowing her head while collecting herself, a bright smile met my busted expression. Shit, did I go too far again?
“We were going to surprise you for your birthday and our phones all got dropped in water. That is why we didn’t pick up.” She admitted with wet eyes, the guilt creeping in from my outburst. “I did know but I thought you could see her one last time. Sorry for trying to help a grieving sister. I don’t have much either now. All I have is my nieces and you.” Plopping down next to her, my arms buried her into a bear hug. Apologizing profusely, her emotions soaked my shirt. Holding her until the tears dried up, my hand cupped her cheek. The good intentions canceled any rage.
“Thank you so much.” I mumbled with another sad smile, rising from the bed to get changed into the lovely emerald dress. “I love you like a sister as well.” Snatching the dress off of the bed, the reflection in the mirror had me shrinking back. A zombie would have looked better, the door creaking open as I cleaned up a bit. Morte poked his head in, my eyes refusing to meet his. Hating that I lost on him, he must despise me.
“I would have gotten you if my phone was working. I am sorry.” He apologized sincerely, helping me take off my filthy clothes. Sure, everyone really seemed sorry. Maybe I was sick of hearing the word. Helping me get my dress on, the zipper went right up. Tracing the black lace covering the fifties style dress, Morte spun me around to face him. Lifting up my chin, his crooked grin made my day a bit better. Kissing my lips tenderly, my face was still puffy as hell. Lost between a state of panic and euphoria, the combination had a sickening effect.
“You have never looked more beautiful.” He sang with his natural smile, my heart fluttering. “The kids wanted to throw you a surprise party so act surprised.” Uttering a single yes, he offered me his elbow. Sliding on my boots on the way out, we paused in front of the living room door. Opening up the door, everyone shouted surprise. Donning my genuine smile, the girls and Miles smashed into my legs. Thanking them with a flurry of feverish kisses, their smiles couldn’t be any bigger. A bit of life returned to my eyes, my kids giving the flames of hope another boost.

Before I took the pills I did a lot of research on people’s experiences. I saw it was pretty 50/50, either it was just like a period or it was the worse pain someone had experienced.
Well my experience went a little like this. When I took the first pill, I did not have any vaginal bleeding, although it can be normal. I had not felt anything, no cramping at all. Then 24h later, I took the four pills, they all go between your cheeks and gum and you let them dissolve for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes you will swish some water around your mouth and swallow what is left of the pill. 10 minutes after I had done all of this, I experienced the worse cramps of my life. I began to have really bad hot flashes, and I could not stand properly. I had to get myself to the bathroom because I began to projectile vomit. Not only was I vomiting, i’m sorry for mentioning this, but I was also on the toilet with REALLY bad diarrhea. I was in and out of consciousness afterwards and I had to be taken to the hospital. They ran some tests and told me that I was okay but they had to give me some pain medication to calm me down because I continued to feel a lot of pain at the lower bottom of my stomach.
I had not started bleeding until I was at the hospital. Once I was discharged the pain got a lot better. The rest of my day was just kept relaxing because I was extremely out of it. I spend the first and next day not bleeding that much and I was a little scared I might have had a failed termination. But then I began bleeding a lot after the 3 days and I am currently still bleeding.
My termination was on 4/19 and now it is nearly a month later and I am still bleeding. I actually came on here because I was a little concern. I had just started going to the gym two days ago and I woke up today bleeding A LOT, I ended up bleeding through my DEPENDS underwear. When I took off my underwear 3 huge blood clots ended up falling out of my underwear. I feel fine, nothing at all feels out of the ordinarily but I do not believe this is normal.
I really don’t want to make this post to scare anyone, If anything I want to see if anyone had an experience like this. I’m becoming extremely nervous about everything. I even got blood work done after the process to make sure I had a successful termination and I did, so i’m just confused on why this is going on.
BTW! 30 minutes before i took the 4 pill i took nausea pills and ibuprofen.
Update: My doctor ended up sending me to the ER and I ended up having to get the d&c surgery because i still had remaining pregnancy tissue and it was becoming infected. The process was not at all bad! They put me under anesthesia and the surgery was over before I knew it. I ended up having to stay they night because they wanted to make sure I did not have any fatal infections. Everyone was wonderful in the staff and it was a very pleasant experience. I’m just glad everything got taken care of before I had to catch a flight for my job for the summer.

Four weeks ago (April 23), I (37 Female) suddenly noticed my neck was swelling and hurts on the left side in the submandibular, upper, and mid jugular areas, with no clear cause. Not really a lump, just all around swelling, and it's not super visible in pictures. My throat and jaw feel heavy, and occasionally I feel a sharp pain in a spot in the jugular area (happens randomly and severely once during a sneeze). On bad days, the left side of my face feels completely numb but retains normal function. I occasionally feel sharp pain in my upper chest as well, and in the past week I feel pain near my spleen on my left side lower ribcage, but I'm not sure if that's related. (last year I had an ekg and heart testing for chest pain and was all clear).

• Height/weight: 5'5" / 190lb. No kids. Non smoker, but I smoked a few cigarettes a day for about six months over 15 years ago. Alcohol drinking effectively stopped since 2020. Once a month I might have a couple drinks (not lately though).
• Ultrasound found no node swelling or thyroid issues. Ultrasound tech said it's maybe tissue swelling but said it all looked fine to her.
• Blood tests came back normal, except I have had consistely high white blood counts (11.8 th/mm3 now, but seemingly healthy tests since 2017 ranged between 9.1 and 12.8, with a 15 anomoly after mono in 2020).
• High cholesterol that I'm working on
• Insulin resistant PCOS but no signs of diabetes or prediabetes.
• Covid test negative
• Throat culture negative
• Voice is fairly normal. Sometimes there's sight pressure when swallowing but not pain. Throat seems OK.
• Tylonol helps with the pain. Ibuprofen does nothing.
• Lots of dental fillings in late 2023 and cleanings in March. One filling was redone on the right side on April 30. No tooth pain on the left side.
• Take daily vitamin D, fish oil, myo and d chiro inositol, and antihistamines. Stopped when starting steroids.

My doctor thinks that because my blood tests are consistent and normal, it's not cancer. She believes she ruled out most serious illnesses and prescribed methylprednisolone to focus on reducing symptoms. I finished the first day of meds yesterday and I feel no better (possibly worse?). Also this morning I suddenly have a new sharp pain in my left inside knee (the elbow of the knee), but I'm not sure if this is related (I'm scared it's a blood clot from the drugs but I'm getting nervous about everything because this is such a mystery - should I contact my doc about this?).
My doctor is generally willing to work with me when I talk to her in person but getting appointments is difficult and the mychart messages haven't answered my questions. I want to better understand what this could be so my conversations with her can be more efficient and effective. If it's not lymph nodes, what could cause swelling in my neck? When these steroids are done and the pain is not gone, any ideas on next steps that I can suggest to my doctor to guide this investigation and find the cause? Antibiotics? More tests?

Pri’Darya, Alcoranth Male, Pirate Captain
Oh where did it all go wrong? Me crew is dead, and my boy was brutally murdered.
In this void of sensation, I am only left with my thoughts. That stun baton has completely paralyzed me, and I know I’m being taken to a cryopod for holding, so I may as well dwell on my thoughts.
Was it taking the job where we messed up? No, I don’t think so. It was probably the bait. It worked too well. We caught too big of a Trorish.
I sigh internally as I can feel them lifting me up somewhere.
And we had such a good plan too. Well it wasn’t my plan, it was my boy’s plan. To send out a drone ship with a fake weapon system as a decoy so we can sneak up on them, it worked so well that they actually thought it was us.
I can feel them placing me down on a soft platform as a shadow seems to begin looming over me.
That Altrin girl could have gone for a pretty credit if we got her, but what the hells was that rifle she was using? I thought a fully automatic BYR was impossible due to the recoil and explosive payloads. But that white… whatever she was… She is completely terrifying. I thought she would just sell for a lot more since she kept her fur in good condition, so I thought she was just an assistant to that Altrin girl. Never in me life, would I expect a pretty girl like that to be so… terrifyingly deadly.
The air begins to turn cold.
Ah, I’m out of time to think… At least wherever I end up, I hope I don’t see that white furred girl again.
Cerelia, Altrin Female, Captain of The Opal Star
I sigh as we finish escorting the remaining crew to their quarters or work quarters, taking in consideration to take longer routes around the ship to avoid bodies that we haven’t had time to clean up yet. There were a few crewmembers we had to either escort back to their work areas or to communal areas due to bodies that we couldn’t avoid.
It’s going to be a long few days…
My attention is grabbed by my wrist data pad as I get a call from Triwt.
“Hey, Triwt, how are things going on your end?” I ask with a tiredness in my voice as I’ve been awake for roughly 13 or so hours now.
“Well, we’ve managed to move the majority of the bodies. Galactic Law doesn’t allow for spacing bodies.”
“It would be an easier clean up if we could.”
“Yes, but we still have to obey the law.”
We both sigh at the same time while I use my other hand to rub my face, trying to make my exhaustion go away with such a pointless attempt.
“Right, right…” I sigh again before continuing to speak, “Anyways, I’m setting up an autopilot course to take us to Verglas.”
“Verglas?”
“Yeah, sending you the information now.”
There’s a moment of silence from Triwt before she speaks, “You’re kidding me, right?”
“I wish I was.”
“An ice covered planet?
“Mhm.”
“Known to snow almost all the time?”
“Yes, but the cities and spaceport are built around a natural heat signature.”
“... You’re lucky I have a snow coat and that I have fur, but my fur isn’t really good at keeping out the cold.”
I hear her sigh on her end before I chime in.
“Wanna go meet up at Med Bay 07? Check in on Jordan?”
“Jordan? My my, Captain! I didn’t know you were interested in him where you're already shortening his name.”
“It’s not like that! He said it was weird to hear everyone saying his ‘full name’ and prefers being called by his ‘first name’.” I huff in slight annoyance and embarrassment.
“Ah okay, does that mean we should all refer to him as Jordan then?”
“I believe so if that’s what he wishes.”
I mean I felt special when he wanted me to call him Jordan, but oh well.
“Okay, I’ll see you there, Cerelia.”

I slowly walk down the hall. It’s been quarantined due to the fact that there’s still blood on the walls and floor of the corridor as well as the occasional bullet hole. It seems that the trail of blood from Jordan has gone from red to more of a brownish black color.
I look up at a sign in the hallway that reads, “MEDICAL ROOM 07” which makes me smirk a little.
I always found it funny that despite it being a medical room, everyone calls it a Med Bay. I wonder where that name for it came from.
“Hey Triwt, I’m here-” I cut myself off as before me in the room is Triwt, Lys, and every crew member from the compromised safe room. Well all except for R’dorn.
I’m glad that prick isn’t here, but I wasn’t expecting everyone else to be here.
“Oh uh, hey everyone. Are we all here to see, Jordan Cores?”
Lys nods and speaks up, “Yes, and Triwt did inform us about his name preference. It’s a little bit weird, but we can do it if it’s what he wishes.”
I admit, I was almost a little bit annoyed that others were calling him Jordan now, but I have to let that emotion go for now as I’m here to see how he’s recovering, not to try and be an overprotective mother. I nod and walk over to the stasis regeneration tube as I look inside.
Part of me is glad that his arms and hands have already been fixed, but…
Not everything is going to be truly healed 100%.
I think to myself as I can see the formations of scars on his skin tissue. I noticed it the first time, but I don’t think he noticed it himself when he woke up after his first big injury. His wrists and knuckles are the most scarred, due to probably when he was punching that orange Alcoranth, but his wrists are from when he broke out of his restraints when we first found him.
Not the best memory to think back on… It hasn’t even been a full day yet. Oh, and where is Jordan going to sleep?
I then slowly bring myself to look at his face, which is almost finished healing. There’s a scar on his chin and a scar leading to under his right ear where the shot left his head. It’s not a major scar except for the entrance and exit wounds, but it’s still somewhat noticeable. If anything the white tissue of the scars make it stand out against his [tan] skin.
If only we had some higher grade Stasis Regeneration Tubes, maybe we could heal those scars as well… All we can do now is wait…
Jordan Cores, Human Male, Part-Time Security Worker
I take in a deep breath, gasping for air as I sit straight up in a cold sweat, holding onto my face and chest. My heart beats quickly as I sit there panting. I quickly check myself to make sure I’m not missing any body parts or anything.
“That is not an okay feeling!” I say aloud before shuddering.
It’s hard to describe how it feels to be in immense pain and to then blink where everything is suddenly fine.
Everything was slightly red in my vision, I was hearing my own heart thumping in my chest all the while I couldn’t hear out of my right ear. Then in the blink of an eye everything is fine, there’s no more pain just the sensation that something is missing while sitting on a bed of some sort surrounded by aliens.
Oh right the aliens.
OH RIGHT THE ALIENS
I turn my head and look around me, and while I’m a little panicked, I’m able to calm down as most of them are sitting further back or standing near the walls. The only ones closer to me are Lys, Cerelia, and I think the white snake lady is Triwt if I remember correctly.
“Um… good morning?” I ask nervously as I look around the room. “Is it even morning?”
“No, it’s technically the middle of the night, Jordan.” Cerelia says as she puts her paw on my head and rubs my hair like my parents used to when I was younger. “But, we all wanted to be sure you would be fine when waking up and it would be cruel to leave you alone when waking up. That, and these crewmembers wanted to express their thanks for protecting them. Though, hopefully next time it won’t be such a violent display.”
“S-Sorry, I wasn’t really thinking when that happened.”
“To be fair you were shot in the head. I think they were more scared that you seemingly came back to life.”
“Y-Yeah… Uh, if it’s okay, can I maybe say hi to them then?” I ask, peering around her shoulder to look at the other crew members. She nods and steps to the side as a line forms of aliens who want to speak to me.

I never expected to spend the next 20 minutes receiving thanks from complete strangers, aliens nonetheless, but it was still nice. I also apologized if I potentially scared them for what they saw me do.
Also aliens apparently hug. A lot.
That would probably explain why Cerelia was petting my head as well…
The last person I expected to approach me was Triwt.
She slithered up to me and offered me one of her four hands, which I accepted, gently shaking it before she pulled me into a hug like the last 13 people did. After a few seconds she lets me go.
“Jordan, since you will probably be with us for a while, could I potentially offer you a job while you are on this ship?”
“H-Huh? A job?”
Triwt, Female Valis-Trobat Hybrid, Security Commander
I try to stay focused on giving Jordan this job offer, but something is really distracting me, especially with our upcoming destination of Verglas.
Goddess, he is super warm…
And that is Chapter 10! I know it's probably a bit more on the boring side, but it's to try and set up our trip to Verglas (which is a thin coating of ice on a rock. Ice Rock. Ice Planet)! I really liked the suggestions of an ice planet so thats where we're heading. Major Cities and spaceports are built on natural heat signatures which cause a lot of natural hot springs (ooo fun!). Also for our theorizers, no, Pri'Darya will not be recurring, I just wanted to give him a name and their side of things in the aftermath.
Also it's time for Jordan to finally get a job! It hasn't been a full day and Triwt wants him on her team! This also means I can have an excuse for him to be around Lys and Cerelia more often. That being said, does Jordan get his own room, or does he have to bunkbed with somebody?
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Hey all, I'm sure these "what do these symptoms sound like" posts get redundant, but I'm trying to help my mom. Over the past 6 months she's been in increasing amounts of pain. I had her type out her story and I'm going to post it for her. I myself was diagnosed with fibro back in 2020. My pain is different than hers but as we know, fibro comes in all sorts of flavors. Take a look below and lmk what you think. Hope you're having an awesome and pain free day :)
"Back in November I injured my back from picking up a young child incorrectly, I picked her up with my arms extended instead of close to my core, right after I picked her up I felt a “twinge” in my lower back and thought to myself darn my back didn’t like that and set her down. I didn’t think much of it and went on with my day, by the next day I noticed my sciatia was bothering me. I waited one more day and then decided to see my acupuncturist, and she solved my problem but I noticed back pain lingered. I continued my usual daily routines and work schedule. Weeks passed and still the pain wasn’t going away. I also started to develop severe acid reflux and had no previous history then came constipation, and stomach pain after I would eat no matter what I ate or how small the meal. I started twice weekly acupuncture treatments hoping for relief. I had a little but nothing consistent. After six weeks of twice a week treatments I stopped. The back pain seem to get worse, it didn’t matter if I would try to do nothing and just relax or if I had a busy day and took care of my grandson.
The pain patterns don’t make sense, the soreness can feel like its directly in my spine or the muscles on each side of my spine. Sometimes my back muscles hurt so bad it’s the type of sore pain that you feel when you get the flu and have intense body aches. The pain is localized from my mid back down to my lower back. As time goes on the nights seem to be the worse, I fall sleep but with 1 to 2 hours I wake up with pain in extreme intensity, it feels like someone is squeezing my entire torso or crushing my spine. Heat use to help but it doesn’t bring soothing relief anymore. In the past 1-2 months the intensity of the pain has been getting worse to the point where it affects my ability to cope with the pain and I start to do short rapid breathing to cop with it, kind of like being in labor.
I decided to consult a chiropractor to be evaluated for possible disk or vertebrae damage. He had a different approach to testing and evaluating, he uses a computerized test the measures the central nervous system along with health history and x-rays. He references the sympathetic and para-sympathetic system and how those systems affect so many systems throughout the body and I was familiar with the information is why I concluded my acid reflux and stomach issues developed shortly after my back injury. After researching online I concluded that I developed Gastroparesis which is tied to the Vegus nerve and its functions. I was going three times a week for adjustments but now I’m going daily because we learned that my nervous system is so inflamed that even the adjustments cause me immense pain later that day and the next.
I feel like there hasn’t been any significant improvements yet. It’s almost getting worse the longer time passes. Nights are my most dreaded time because I only sleep 3-4 hours and I go from my bed to couch trying to change positions or use ice or heat to bring hopeful relief. Nothing seems to help, no position lying or sitting, heat or ice, resting or active. Occasionally I have a day where the pain is minimal and then I think I’m on my way to normalcy then the night or next day is unbearable. The past two days I’ve had to resort to taking over the counter pain medication but I haven’t resorted to that because I know it can cause stomach and liver damage.
Overall summary of pain; mild to extreme lower back muscle, tissue or nerve pain/ mid spine directly in my vertebrae a feeling as if some put a wedge right into my spine/ entire back muscle pain so intense that when the hot water of a shower hits it I cringe until my body adjusts/ acid reflux but has almost disappeared with the help of chiropractic adjustments, stomach pains after eating continue and are very painful/ constipation improved with chiropractor adjustments but has returned again/ Epson salt baths, hot showers, inferred sauna all help while in process but after the pain and soreness return/ physical therapy helped strengthen core but no back relief/ yoga poses or stretches don’t help/ meditative breathing doesn’t help.

It's been 6 months the incident/trigger of injury doesn’t justify the length and intensity of ongoing pain. I believe my body has been in the sympathetic mode (fight or flight) for months. I just want to understand why this is lingering so long and so intense. Any feedback is greatly appreciated."

I ain't no snitch. But I swear to god. I have had just about enough of this chick. Here's the sotry;
​
My World Civ class has the final project to be a group assignment, an essay on select issues of the world. We're supposed to be writing an essay TOGETHER and our topic is North Korea. I was assigned to a random partner to this girl... let's call her DEL.
​
The week before, she told our teacher that she would be leaving school early to go on a vacation. We have 3 weeks of school left but for some reason, my stupid ass teacher bought this excuse. But she promised, that on our shared document and worksheet she would do her part of the work. one week in I haven't seen her in class and she hasn't written a word.
​
Funny story, I'm walking through the halls 2 days later, and I see that she's still here. Del's talking about how she's getting away with skipping her first period (that's the period we have World-Civ) and we make direct eye contact. I got an arm around my boy, she's got an arm round one of her girls, and i give her this Clint Eastwood ass stare as we walk past each other.
​
I get home from school and check my phone. I got a couple snaps from Del, which is strange considering we haven't texted or snapped in weeks. I check none of them and just ignore her. She's probably nervous I'll do something about it.
​
I don't want her getting ANY credit for doing ZERO work on the essay. But at the same time, my snitching on her WILL lead to her failing this class. I know I'm being really petty, so I don't know if me being agitated is a good excuse to fail someone else, even this broad. I just want the credits and I'm sure she does too, even if she's a greasy whore who's slept with like 10 guys. (we are sophomores in high-school)

Freaking out… had a package delivered to me. When I took the package inside, I saw a tan tiny bug crawling on it that I thought might be a bb nymph. I put my finger next to it to test it out and it not only crawled towards it but onto it. Are there any other bugs that would do that besides bedbugs?
The package was sitting outside on the first floor stairwell of my apartment for hours before I brought it inside. The bug was way too small to properly see if it was a bb nymph. I don’t remember it being a book lice, but it was like the same color but more tan. I put my finger next to it and it not only crawled towards it (where other bugs would have crawled away), but it crawled onto my finger. I squeezed it and put it into a tissue and finished it before I realized I should have kept it so I could use a microscope on it.
What worries me the most is that the package was for a mini fridge and the mini fridge has lots of warm crevices that a bedbug could be hiding in gladly. I threw away the packaging, but not before it was cut up on my floor. And I inspected the mini fridge as best I could with a flashlight and didn’t see anything, but there are so many crevices and screws, that I’m so nervous now.
Has anyone seen a nymph up close? Are they definitely uniformly translucently tan before their first blood meal and very tiny, but bigger than a book louse? Would any other bug crawl towards and onto my finger other than a bedbug?
I am freaking out. 😥

Freaking out… had a package delivered to me. When I took the package inside, I saw a tan tiny bug crawling on it that I thought might be a bb nymph. I put my finger next to it to test it out and it not only crawled towards it but onto it. Are there any other bugs that would do that besides bedbugs?
The package was sitting outside on the first floor stairwell of my apartment for hours before I brought it inside. The bug was way too small to properly see if it was a bb nymph. I don’t remember it being a book lice, but it was like the same color but more tan. I put my finger next to it and it not only crawled towards it (where other bugs would have crawled away), but it crawled onto my finger. I squeezed it and put it into a tissue and finished it before I realized I should have kept it so I could use a microscope on it.
What worries me the most is that the package was for a mini fridge and the mini fridge has lots of warm crevices that a bedbug could be hiding in gladly. I threw away the packaging, but not before it was cut up on my floor. And I inspected the mini fridge as best I could with a flashlight and didn’t see anything, but there are so many crevices and screws, that I’m so nervous now.
Has anyone seen a nymph up close? Are they definitely uniformly translucently tan before their first blood meal and very tiny, but bigger than a book louse? Would any other bug crawl towards and onto my finger other than a bedbug?
I am freaking out. 😥