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I discovered Shera's videos quite a few years ago, and loved her humour as well as her message to level up. I started noting down all her little gems. They give me motivation, and a giggle too. I am older, in my fifties, and have been happily married for over 15 years, so I don't need her dating, sugaring, or 'get the bag' advice, but I do love her level up advice. I saw another lady share her notes, so I wanted to as well. There are tons, I've realised! I hope you enjoy them!
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How do you become the prize?

If you don’t start as the prize, then you aren’t the prize. If you don’t know if your mind that you are already the prize then you can never be the prize.

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How to be more feminine so I can be spoiled more?

It’s a lifestyle. You have to act, fake it until you make it, and create a lifestyle. The days that you don’t feel very feminine are the days that you have to use more of your masculine energy.

Remember to always have a space to come back to that is feminine, and recharge yourself with feminine energy. Create a more feminine environment, wear more feminine clothes, listen to music that is going to help your femininity instead of diminishing it.

Keep things that you like to do feminine and do feminine things. Going shopping, getting your nails or hair done, buying shoes, picking out décor for our rooms, decorating tables, going on picnics, watching girly movies.

Recharge yourself by doing some of those things. You need to be able to recharge your femininity at least once or twice a week.

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Live the type of life you want already. It may not be on the scale that you want to live it at, but it needs to be a version of it. For example, if you want to live a soft, feminine life make sure your current life reflects that: your current environment, the current way you dress, the current way you walk, talk and act.

The more you receive, the better treatment you receive, if you can get a provider who can let you live a more feminine life, a softer life, then it's just going to get better and better.

But already live the life you want to live, that way they can only improve you and they see how you treat yourself and see what you like and that’s what they are going to be giving you. Your goals will be met just by dating.

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What are some ways to keep him interested in he provides well?

Look good
Make sure you know what his interest are
Talk to him
Make sure he feels like he is the man
Look good when you are out with him
Make sure you are pretty and heads turn ‘ooh who’s he with’
His self-esteem will skyrocket when you go out with him if you look good and he’s not going to want to leave that


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Men like women to switch it up as long as it’s classy.

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Flower attract bees to them by their bright colours and they smell good. Attract men to you:

· Wear bright pretty colours
· Smell good
· Look fresh, dewy and youthful
· Look attractive

Look like the prize. Look like his fantasy. Look through his eyes: what would he like to see?

It’s not that complicated. Bring it back down to simplicity? What do men like?

Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Makeup
Long hair
Red lipstick
Baby voice
Feminine colours
Make them feel good
Give them compliments
Let them talk
Don’t talk about your boring stuff – they don’t care

Use the formula to get success with men.

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If you want to dress casual in jeans and a cute top, still wear heels, hair, full makeup. If you’re going to wear jeans, you’re going to need to wear heels.

Also think about this: what sort of man are you attracting. If you wear jeans when you meet you’re going to get taken to a jeans date. Dress for the life you want.

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Comment:
When we had a fight I cut my hair short & bangs & went shopping. He was so glad he said “you look like a different person!” The fight was forgotten & he treated me new again & took me shopping again.

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"Life is fun! (...) life is a movie, life is a stage. Get into character... "

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Men don’t care about anything else but what you look like and how you make them feel.

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If you’ve let yourself go, level yourself up to the point that their jaw will drop when they see you.

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The only limitations are the ones you believe in.

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What do rich men’s wives all have in common besides being pretty?

They’re feminine
They’re classy
They’re not loud and obnoxious
They don’t outshine their husband
They hold back and keep it together in public
They are well proportioned

Shera had a friend who was a little rachet, and she ended up marrying wealthy. She had to totally change everything about herself:

The way she dressed
The way she wore her hair
The way she spoke
The kind of shoes she wore
Her makeup
She had to change it all
How she acted around people
How she spoke to men
She had to change everything
It’s not that she changed who she was inside or her personality
It’s that she changed who she was around men
There’s a difference

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Your stock should go up after you get married, not down. If your stock is not rising after marriage you’re doing it backwards. That means still investing into yourself, your beauty, your clothing, into your stash (money, wealth and investments). If you got married and your stock plummeted, that’s your fault.

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Loving yourself means putting yourself first as a priority. Knowing your worth and value and not taking any crap from anybody because you value yourself, you love yourself. That’s all loving yourself means. And not talking down about yourself. And knowing that you deserve what you want in life.

Once you do that other people will as well – men, co- workers, your boss, parents, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, whoever. Whoever is in your life at the moment will recognise that you love yourself and that you don’t have to submit to them or that you’re not desperate for their approval. In fact they may start to be desperate for your approval. So make sure you’re putting yourself first.

Don’t be always talking about the other person and what they want or what they think. Don’t care who they are. Don’t care about other people or their spouse or the person they’re interested in. It’s not about them, it’s about you. If they can’t recognise you and they don’t like you, then you are wasting time.

If you have to sit there and be puzzled about why someone is not responding properly or why they’re not doing this or that, it means they don’t like you so just move on and stop trying to waste time worrying about it. You already know that in the back of your mind; you’re just hoping for a different outcome that there won’t be.

Make sure that when you realise you are putting other people before yourself as a priority then you’re not going to get the type of man or people attracted to you that you need. When you can get somebody in the click of a finger and they’re not used to that it means you are valuable and that they are not necessary. They are very unnecessary and therefore they feel like you have even more value because you don’t need them. You don’t need them, they need you. That’s why they seek you out. That’s why they call you, that’s why they ask you out.

Make sure you’re not getting caught up in silliness. If they’re not putting you first, you’re gone. Or you put them on ice; that means you let them figure it out and when they start acting right again then you allow them back into your life. If you’re chasing behind someone, if you’re worrying about someone who ghosts you then you’re not putting yourself first.

And that means you don’t love yourself. A lot of people were taught to act a certain way – not cocky etc – if you don’t, all people see you as is a doormat. You can let down your guards later when they are fully invested in you and aren’t going anywhere, but until that happens they are there to impress you.

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How do you fall in love with yourself when you aren’t happy with yourself?

Become happy with yourself:

· Do things that make you happy
· Look the way you need to look
· Continue to do this every day until you are happy

Only you can make you happy

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Don’t go out there lookin’ like Plain Jane. Plain Jane gets passed by with the eye.

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The key is confidence. You can learn all you want, if you don’t have confidence you can’t pull it off. The key is confidence, knowing your value, and not listening to no dusties. That’s the key, that’s the masterclass right there – be confident.

Be main character energy. Stop caring what people think. Have a goal of what you want and go for it and don’t stop until you get it. Speak positive about yourself and stop dealing with dusties. That’s just it. You do all those things and you’re going to have something. You’re going to get what you’re looking for. That’s it.

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It’s not what you look like – it’s how you make them feel.

Are you going to make them feel young again?
Are you going to make life exciting for them?
Do they enjoy being with you?
Do they like being seen out in public with you?

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Shera, on when you talk about all your feelings and prior history:

“You’re being an informant on yourself. You’re telling on yourself. You’re giving out all your secrets and revealing everything. So that’s definitely not feminine energy, because feminine energy is naturally dark. You know, it’s water, it’s the cosmos, it’s that. So when you’re revealing everything, when nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re masculine. Because that’s light- everything is known. So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have, because now you’re an open book. And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

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“Feminine energy is naturally dark, is water, is the cosmos, is that. So, when you are revealing everything, nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re more masculine, because that is light, everything is known.

So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have because now you are an open book, you’re predictable.

And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

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Get them to worry about you, while you worry about you.

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How do you find your purpose? You create it.

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Leveling up is actually a lot of fun when you are present and mindful about it it’s probably be the best gift you could ever give yourself as a woman.

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Stop caring what other people think and live the life you want to live. If you don’t like kissing people’s butts, don’t kiss their butt.

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A lot of women don’t realise that if you just get into your feminine, and you stick with your standards, you can get what you ask for.

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How to become detached and unbothered?

Stop caring. When you care too much, that’s when you can’t detach and be unbothered. Stop caring, become ‘take it or leave it’. That’s your attitude. You will be fine with it or without it.

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Comment:

Three years ago I was getting yelled at a public train station (which we had to take because neither of us had a car) by my dusty disgusting ex. I lived in a cheap apartment with four unsavory roomates and their boyfriends. Now I live in a luxury high rise with a conceirge and valet. All I did today was get a facial, sit by the pool and shop. I don’t have to worry about a SINGLE THING and every man in my life treats me like a queen. I’m truly breaking generational curses; my dad left my mom with four kids alone while she worked at Denny’s waitressing overnight. If it weren’t for Shera’s wisdom I don’t know where I would be today but I just give thanks every day that I saw the light. This is my one and only life so why shouldn’t I be living peacefully and bougie.

It’s crazy how fast life can chance when you realize your worth and act on it. Keep on inching further and further; the more luxurious things you do the more the rest of your life catches up. It literally started with me going to the expensive nail salon instead of the cheap one. Then I felt like I deserved more. I moved into a nicer apartment that was out of my budget at first, then a nicer car, then I started buying designer bags and now I live in an ultra-luxurious place. Small steps and the rest of your life will catch up in time. Of course look your best every day and be healthy. And do not give a second of your time to anyone who does not treat you with respect, remember if they’re not adding to your life they are taking away.

The universe somehow just opened up and rains abundance on me. The more you surround yourself with the vibrations of prosperity the more it will be drawn to you. Ella Ringrose on YouTube helped me a lot to draw in money.

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Comment:

Shera ever since I started watching you I have levelled up my life completely. I lost 50 pounds and changed my whole look to be more feminine. My husband was so motivated he started making more money and bought me a home and my dream car. He does everything I want now and he feels proud to bring me home his paycheck. I no longer work and just workout every day and focus on my children. A lot of my family members don’t understand this life but I am very happy and comfortable.

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If you give yourself away too easily, your value is low.

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10 Important Habits of a Gold Digger

1)high standards
2)high self-esteem
3)perspective
4)purpose
5)options
6)be unapologetic
7)looks
8)business plan
9) knowledge/value of money
10)stay unbothered

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‘Busy patterns that aren’t classy make you look older’. You can show how classy your clothing is by the cut, colour and pattern, not the brand or designer.

Look to magazines for style inspiration:

O magazine = for older women
Instyle = more youthful

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Comment:
Men need respect, they don’t want your love.

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Wealthy men like women who are thin, feminine, and classy, or classy/sexy.

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Classic = classy. Dress in a way that you wouldn’t look crazy in a photo in 20 years time.

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‘We’re not trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out.’

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Comment:
Looking beautiful, adore your blouse and that classy backdrop. I have earrings very similar. I have to go out now, I’m over 60 and always look stylish heading out the door . Make up and a cute dress today. You never know who is at the coffee shop 😊

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Be cute, be feminine, don’t talk so much. Let him do the hard work.

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‘You’re not his momma stop acting like it’ video
Women will turn into their man's mother without realizing it! Then he will run.

A lot of times when a woman has been in a relationship for a long time or is married, they start acting like a mother to the man without even realising it. To avoid that, do these things:
· Totally change everything – change how you dress, put more makeup on, wear heels.
· Act ten years younger.
· Don’t be concerned about the things you used to be concerned about.
· Let everything be free and fly.
· If you once worried about dishes in the sink don’t worry about it anymore.
· Change it up.
· If he realises that you stop caring and you just put all that extra energy that you were nagging and trying to organise and keep stuff right or that you were frustrated about – if you took all that extra energy and put it back into yourself – and you stopped worrying about the house and the domestic issues and him doing this, this and that. He’s going to think, ‘Well dang, everything is out of order, now she’s dressing like this and putting on makeup and looking this way, and the dishes aren’t clean anymore, or she’s not nagging me about picking up my clothes and the room is a mess’, then either he’ll get up and do it or he’ll start turning into your father.
· You mirror what they do and they’re gonna start seeing what you are doing by you have to act that way with them.
· You stop cleaning dishes, you start leaving your stuff on the floor.
· You start dressing cute, and say you’re going out.
· You forget to do stuff, or you stop helping out because you don’t want to damage your nails or the Real Housewives is on.
· Start doing the same thing to him – he watches sport, you say, ‘Oh Housewives is on, I wanna watch it. I don’t wanna watch it later.’
· You don’t do any of this like it’s revenge, just like you joined him in not being responsible, or joined him with more relaxed rules.
· He might like it. He might be like ‘you’re so laid back, you look happy today’.
· Then he might start cleaning up more because it’s not an order.
· But as long as you’re happy and not nagging him, he’s going to do it voluntarily.

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How you act and how you make him feel will give you more power to get what you want.

· Look good
· Be more feminine
· Speak softly
· Smile
· Laugh at whatever he is saying and make him feel good about who he is
· Let him talk more than you
· Feed his ego
· Act vulnerable and he will want to do things for you, will want to please and impress you

(I added:
· Ladylike, dainty, girlish, delicate, compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, tolerant, warm-hearted, gracious
· Calm, refined and tasteful
· Agreeable, friendly, good-natured,
· Kind, moral, pleasant, delightful)

That’s how you get what you want.

Our power is in our femininity, not in our masculinity, not in being in competition with a man, but making them weak because we are giving them exactly what no-one else does and so they’re not used to it and they yield to it and want more of it and they’re going to do what you want.

Being feminine is the key to getting what you want. There is no magic formula; it’s just ‘being feminine’. Work on that and you will get what you want. Work on your baby voice. Work on asking men for things and help, feeling vulnerable around them and stroking their ego and you can pretty much get what you want, especially if you choose the right target. Don’t go up and choose someone who has a thousand options, go up and choose someone who feels lucky to be with you and who will act accordingly.

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Men don’t like jealous women. You look insecure if you show jealousy. If you feel jealous, act like you don’t care – laugh it off.

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Men don’t like to be told what to do or have someone running their life. They don’t need you to offer them suggestions – this will just make them feel like a child, emasculated and they will rebel.

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Have a hobby and have a life.
Have your own life.
Make yourself number one.

Make sure he likes you more than you like him. If he really likes you he is going to chase you and not let you go, and you don’t even have to do anything to make this happen.

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I am not a people pleaser. I live for myself not others. And that’s how you have to be to be unbothered. Be unbothered always and you will live your best life.

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I live in a fantasy world every day. That’s why I can create the world that I want.

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A dream woman is motivation for a man in every way. If you no longer motivate him, you are no longer his dream woman.

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A good actress will melt into her role.

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Instead of waiting and having regret later, make the decision now to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for the outside world and what they think. Do what’s best for you in the long run, not what’s best for you right now in this one moment which will pass. Think ahead. Right now is gone. As soon as you think about it, it’s gone.

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To be a dream woman and to be worshipped by the man you are with, you have to stay focused on you. Don’t be about him. A man’s dream woman does not mean she is all over him. She has a life. Keep a healthy distance instead of being extra clingy. That way you stay on his level. Make sure you appeal to his friends (in a classy way) too. He will see that others appreciate you and know that he has the prize.

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“Put outfits together in your mind when negative people are talking.”

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How to be unbothered?

Comments:

‘Fake it till you make it. That’s what happened with me I started to pretend that it didn’t bother me. Now I’m literally so unbothered and focused on myself.’

‘When you are showing that you’re upset or bothered, you are giving them power to know they affected you. I love everyone but I do not argue. I have trained myself not to get emotional even at my husband or family. Being this way also makes you more respected, it’s part of your charisma.’

‘Being unbothered is a choice.’

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Comment:

If you're over 35 the best ways to look young is to drink a gallon of water a day....it's good for wrinkles..and helps your makeup glide on like butter.

Eat less and eat as much green as you can (Kale, Broccoli, Spinach) so you can be as slim as possible so that you feel good in your clothes....

Work out to increase your confidence...

Dress your age....nothing worse than a woman who dresses out of her age range...makes you look like you're trying too hard...

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Build confidence by not accepting that you have low self-esteem. Every day improve yourself so your self-esteem gets higher and higher. Don’t wallow in it, don’t accept it. Every day tell yourself what you want:

I look good
I feel good
I’m great

Tell yourself that. Give other people compliments, and they will give you compliments. Before you know it, you’ll have high self-esteem. You have to work on it, it doesn’t come automatically. It took a long time to tear down your self-esteem, and it takes a moment to pull it back up.

Just work on it, keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone put you down again.

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How to keep your husband interested

· Less communication
· Less giving of information
· Spend more time apart
· Don’t get so close that he is going to want to back up
· You have to get close then back up, get close then back up again
· Look your best at all times
· Don’t smother people and they won’t try to escape you
· Have a life
· Have things to do
· Have a to-do list that does not require that person

Go out and do things. He will appreciate you more when you get back. He will wonder what you’ve been doing. He will anticipate your return.

Don’t let him conquer you. When men have conquered a woman, they will move on. If he doesn’t feel like he can ever conquer you, he will try harder. Never let him feel like he totally has you.

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Masculine people (men or women) tend to run to the rescue of others.

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Shera, on uplevelling your looks and being your best every time you step out the front door: Don’t let life pass you by. Life is short. Life is very short.

Comment on Shera’s video: My mom went through a season where she dressed up and it just made our whole family and home come alive. I remember when my mom walked into the living room all fixed up and my little cousin's eyes just lit up. He said be careful don't touch her lol. He literally went from seeing her as a plain ol’ aunt to a princess. He was so young, but he couldn't fake it; that was his instincts.

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· It’s not about looking young, it’s about looking good.
· If you miss an opportunity to be levelling up, you are only cheating yourself.
· Stay ready.
· Every day do something to improve yourself - hair, exercise, mindset, self-esteem
· Enjoy getting ready – be creative
· If you’re wearing makeup, go bold. Men want to see the makeup.
· Men like it when you look your best. When you’re out in public, people are judging a man’s status by the type of wife he has, how she looks. You add status to any man that you are with.
· If you are attractive, you will have a lot of friends inviting you out. They will use you to attract attention because you look good. They are going to gravitate towards you and associate you with success. Your appearance will get you further than almost anything else.

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When you’re trying to lure a man in, dress for that man. Men do pay attention to what you look like.

Broke men pay attention to your silhouette. They look at your body because they just want to have sex with you.

Men with money pay attention to what you wear: your clothes, your shoes, your jewellery, your shoes, your hair, everything. Are you appropriate? If he wants to take it to the next level and take you out and get to know you, start a relationship, introduce you to his friends, he isn’t just looking at your body.

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The better you look, the more successful he looks.

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Men are visual creatures. Everything men do is based on that they see. How they treat you is based on what they see.

If you go without makeup, hair not done, and dressed badly, you won’t get the same treatment even by the people who see you every day. When you look good, the people around you have a little bit more respect for you. They see you looking pulled together and to see you any other way is foreign to them.

When you are levelled up, keep this in mind, don’t backslide. When a man meets you looking good, he wants to see you like that for your entire marriage. He doesn’t want you to let yourself go.

Try hard to keep yourself up during your marriage; how you looked when you met him is how he wants to see you forever more.

Men are very visual creatures, so when they see us looking bad, it upsets them. It literally makes them clench inside a little bit because they are so affected by the visual.

You are like a Christmas tree or a beautiful ornament. It’s a pleasure to look at you and they’ll want to be around you just for that.

People may treat you badly because you didn’t keep up your looks - a man could be speaking to another woman or ignoring you.

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“Just act and dress like a feminine lady. You’re making them feel younger by being in their presence. Watch 1950s Hollywood movie stars to watch how those ladies acted.”

Never help a man level up as they will always put you in a maternal role and look at you as a mother figure.

How to change your mindset:
1. Tell yourself that you are no longer allowing people to make you feel bad about something – that’s your choice.
2. Decide that you want to be better, and each day take action towards being better. Your self-esteem will rise from this.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people so you can influence and help each other.

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People who talk less are generally more well respected.

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“Look for the positive in every negative comment or situation, and you will find it every time.

Whatever your weakness is, make it your strength, to fuel you to the next level. That’s how you really level up from inside. Face your weakness head on. If someone calls you fat, flaunt it. Say, ‘So what? Yes, I eat, I haven’t seen a rib in many decades, but I’m happy. I got a lovely husband, nice house, nice car.’

Instead of being a victim about it, empower yourself with it. Your flaw can be your power. It can be your power if you take it and embrace it and stop focusing on it as an insecurity. The more you focus on something as an insecurity, the more other people will focus on it because they know it’s your weakness and that’s how you get affected. Whatever your flaw is, turn it into something that can give you more than it can take from you. If people say it’s a flaw, take it and turn it into a power.”

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Don’t listen to what people say; what do you think? Opposition creates interest.

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· Be extra feminine in the way you dress, speak, act.
· Be charming - smile, don't argue (and then do exactly what you were going to do anyway).
· Ask for help from your man - opening a jar, lifting something, reaching up high, anything - they love it. Do this three times a day. Say things like 'It's too heavy for me'. Doing this makes them feel protective of you.
· When you are offered help, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine baby-voice.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every day to men everywhere so that it becomes second nature. Things such as asking a man for assistance at the supermarket and smiling and saying thank you in a feminine voice.
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you.
· Look your best, put on makeup every day, smell good, be well groomed, have nice nails.
· Speak to him as if he's a person and not a child - don't try to control him. Mothers control their children and men don't want to have sex with their mother.
· Ask for what you want, but do it in a feminine way.
· Act like the prize to be the prize.
· Be unpredictable - men will get bored of you if you are too predictable. If you are unpredictable it is exciting to them plus scares them a little too. They will wonder why you are different.
· Don't talk so much.
· Mirror how he acts to bring him closer. Say your man is a bit distant; my natural inclination is to wonder what is wrong, try and talk to him etc. That is clingy, a better way to behave is mirror that - be busy doing your own things, happy but busy and let him come looking for you when he comes out of his cave.
· Be feminine in everything you do - surround yourself with reminders of your femininity - i.e. a pink phone cover.
· Be the receiver not the giver.
· Let him think up ideas, with your subtle input.
· Hardly ever text or call him at work, unless you need him to pick up something.
· Dress up every day for no reason.
· Smile.
· Always be levelling up.
· Have a plan B.
· Don't tell him your plans for the day or where you have been - be a little mysterious and let him wonder what you've been up to.
· Keep the mystery alive with privacy - closet, bathroom etc.
· Don't do everything together.
· Have hobbies and interests of your own.
· Make him feel like a man by asking his advice, seeking help from him, not trying to tell him what to do etc.
· Keep up with new trends and the latest styles. Try new looks, buy new clothes, look cute.
· Make him feel younger by being fresh, new and exciting.
· Be excited by life and easily impressed.
· Go on vacation, go out to places.
· Do new things and turn him on to new things. Do new things in bed.
· Change your looks - look different, be different.
· Listen to the latest music.
· Keep up with the latest trends in things.
· Be an exciting adventure.
· Be happy go lucky, not a care in the world, everything is fun.
· Head up, chin up, look around, smile.
· Get all excited when you talk about little things.
· Light up when you talk to people.
· Bring a high energy.
· Wear your hair long and straight or smooth-wavy.
· Be seasonal - with your look/outfit, eating, décor.
· Reinvent yourself regularly.
· Play different characters for fun.
· Channel someone else when you go out.
· Be constantly changing and improving.
· Be a lively woman - bubbly, happy, exciting, smiling, lifts their spirits, fun to be around.
· Grab his hand and pull him along like a child.
· Be energetic and breathe life into others.
· Mirror his body language about 10-30 seconds later.
· Try new things, new looks.
· Practice your charm on waiters etc.
· Be a people watcher in different environments depending on the lifestyle you desire.
· Look from the outside in - how do people view you? How attractive are you?
· Transform yourself.
· Be his ultimate fantasy girl.
· Look good, do your makeup every day.
· Speak to your him as if he is a person and not a child.
· ‘Can you help me/lift that/get me a blanket?’ in a baby voice. Get him used to looking after you. ‘This is too heavy for me, I can’t reach it’. Do this three times a day minimum.
· Ask for what you want in a feminine way.
· Use the baby voice.
· Be extra feminine.
· Be charming – smile, don’t argue – agree (but do exactly what you want anyway).
· Ask for help from men.
· When you are offered anything, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine nature.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every do so that it becomes second nature to you – it will become easier with practice.
· Ask questions and smile.
· Play a bit dumb (not stupid; request their knowledge).
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you – practice on any man to get better.
· Never get too comfortable (don’t let yourself go).
· Keep the illusion going – makeup, hair, lotion, fragrance.
· Look like you did when you first met (me: 66-67kg, long blonde hair, stylish clothes).
· Men are visual creatures and your hair is foremost – long, silky and straight.
· Have your makeup on, look cute.
· Shera’s husband treated her differently when she gained weight and then lost weight.
· Shera’s advice to a lady who gained 40 pounds and now her husband isn’t attracted to her: ‘Lose 40 pounds’.
· Still look sexy even if you’ve been together a while.
· Exfoliate your face and body.
· Have glowing, moisturised skin.
· Use highlighter on your face.
· Wear perfume, body lotion, nicely scented products.
· Wear red lipstick, eye makeup.
· Wear light, modern perfumes.
· Have simple, nice nails.
· Tell him that whatever you want is your ‘ultimate fantasy’.

~~

If you want to be married to a rich man, dress like a rich man’s wife.

~~

Be unbothered

It’s so amazing to just not care. You have no idea how much better your life gets when you stop caring. When you stop caring about stuff that’s not beneficial to you, everything blossoms, everything. Because your attention is no longer on anything negative, it’s all on you, and so you blossom.

How to keep your man chasing you? Be busy, don’t call him all the time. Have a hobby or a business and let him have to go looking for you.

~~

Did you ever feel insecure about your weight?

“No.

At any weight my mental game was tight, it was good. I could get anything I wanted, so it never really held me back. The only thing that would ever make me feel insecure about anything is… I really don’t have a lot of insecurities anymore. I had the normal insecurities of a child. But when I grew up and I understood that you could take your power from any situation, you no longer have insecurities.

If I was insecure about my weight, I wouldn’t be up here on YouTube, and if someone says something about how I look, I don’t care. I say Okay yeah and so what? I’m eating good, I’m living good. It doesn’t bother me, because that’s not what defines me. I’m gonna get paid skinny or fat. I’m gonna be happy at whatever makes me feel happiest. So it’s all about how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. You don’t base your self-worth on what other people think about you.

And the reason why I teach people you gotta look good if you want to turn heads and make men cross the room is because if you are trying to get a date, yes, you have to be concerned with what other people find attractive. But that should not ever play a role in your own personal self-esteem.

Whatever you need to feel good at the time, tomorrow or today, that’s what you need to be doing.”

~~

After the text and e-mail referenced in the title, he unfriended me on Facebook and apparently blocked my phone number. Nor did he respond to my email, so maybe I’m blocked there as well. I had been in a relationship with him for several months. (Prior to that we had lengthy correspondences for a month.) We grew incredibly close. He frequently told me how special and precious I am. We said “I love you” often. He ended almost all his texts with “Love you with all my heart,” “Love always,” etc. We talked a lot about the future. Very recently he said he wanted to discuss our relationship, and that was what we planned to do the evening of the day he sent the break-up email and then blocked me. In the previous couple of weeks he said we needed to talk, but wouldn’t say about what. And each time I suggested we could talk, he either said it was too late in the evening or there wasn’t enough time. I’m confused, because one day I set aside three hours for us to talk, and he said it wasn’t enough time, so he didn’t want to talk then.
We are both over 60 years old. We both have health issues and similar difficult life issues. I thought we understood and were supporting each other. I had told him I’d never abandon him, no matter what he was going through. I’ve never loved anyone like this.
I recently had an epidural steroid spinal injection. The steroid left me with inability to sleep more than a few broken up hours and it caused me to be extremely irritable, and the side effects lasted longer than the few days I was told they would. I know it was as difficult for him to handle my uncontrollable temporary mood swings as it was for me, if not harder. I’m far from the perfect partner because of chronic health and sleep issues, but if that is why he no longer wanted to be with me, or if it was another reason, I feel I deserved to be told how he felt in person.
I’m blindsided, devastated, and heartbroken. I don’t understand. And what does using the phrase “indefinite break” mean? Does that mean he’s leaving the door open for coming back to me someday, or is it a euphemism for saying it’s over between us? I can’t stand the thought of not seeing him again, especially because I don’t know why. It hurts so bad! He is a musician who will be performing in several band concerts I planned to attend this summer. On the one hand, I want to go and sit up front so I can at least see him and and not deny myself enjoying the band because I’ve been looking forward to the shows. I wouldn’t approach him because I know he wouldn’t want me to. On the other hand, I know how awkward and uncomfortable it might be.
On a side note, one previous relationship partner did something very similar to me, although that relationship wasn’t as serious as this one. We had a pleasant date the evening before, and the next afternoon he blindsided me with an email saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Is this common break-up behavior?

I also shared it in the ExMormon Women group on Facebook, and I was surprised by how common some of these dynamics are, particularly the notion of a "sad heaven" as someone put it. Here's the text of what I shared to my own socials, which includes a description of the film itself.
"I made a documentary in 2016 called Families Can Be Together Forever. I have never shared it publicly. Originally it was due to the festival circuit, but then my reasons became more hazy. Some amalgamation of “this is too private” and “this might piss people off” and “I am a better filmmaker now and I want to make edits” and “I made it so long ago that it now feels irrelevant.” I decided to ignore myself and release it right on the heels of my fast food bracket. Because that makes the most sense to me. [I do silly snack competition brackets every year.]
Families Can Be Together Forever follows my journey out of the Mormon church, a journey unexpectedly aligned with my pregnancy with [daughter]. The film depicts my pregnancy from start to finish while exploring the emotional and spiritual weight of leaving Mormonism, its effect on the mother I hoped to become, and its effect on the mother who raised me.
Highlights include countless emo moments, a visit to the moon, and the unfortunate first words my daughter heard when entering the world."
Running time: 29m 44s.
https://vimeo.com/186422318

Anyway I (17f) and him (17m) have made great progress. To sum it up he asked for my number a few months ago and I had to further ask him if he liked me and he said yes. We’ve known each other since 6th grade and we are now seniors. I would say we were more of acquaintances. He said he developed a crush on me last year and so far we’ve been to the movies together (still not sure if that was a date or not because originally his friends were supposed to be there but they never showed up), he’s been over my house twice, and we went to prom together. Now, that prom is over there isn’t anything to plan or text about anymore. I don’t see him in school because we don’t have the same classes. I’m very introverted and quiet, I haven’t had friends since middle school and the people who have tried to befriend me either find me boring or awkward. I went from sitting at a lunch table alone in the beginning of the year to sitting at a lunch table with a couple of his friends that share the same lunch. We both said we enjoyed prom and we spent senior skip day together watching anime he’s recommended me. (He’s really into anime and trying to get me to watch it).
Anyway I did something bold when he asked me how my day was and I said “it’s good and better now that you’re texting”. I guess it sounds like I flirting with him and I guess guys are clueless because why would I have invited him over if I didn’t like him😅? Anyway he asked some funny random questions today and I didn’t ask any back so any funny conversation starters? Maybe even a would you rather or something… it feels weird starting off every convo with how was your day especially when neither of your days were interesting

So I have more evidence of the duration of contact. She's 7 months married. 6.5 months pregnant.
It started out sexual from his first words. Calling her sexy. Asking to video chat. She didn't, but deflected in a passive way. I know they transitioned to Snapchat after he asked to video chat and stopped using Instagram. ~3.5 yr gap from then to when they added each other on this latest instance of his Snapchat.
Proof I nailed it on at least two counts in our previous talk when I told her that "I don't remember" isn't the defense she thinks it is. It's just harmful stonewalling and lying and I'm going to operate under the assumption: of the possible answers, it's the worst one. Don't remember how long it has been going on for? I take that to mean it's been the whole time. It happened before our relationship and never stopped. She acknowledged that he had asked for sexual pictures. I asked when he started that. "I don't remember." Well that just means that's the status quo. You don't have an event to point to because it didn't stand out. That's just the nature of your conversation. It's always been him pushing boundaries and asking for it.
So when I ask what video she sent and she says "I don't remember?" When I ask what else she has sent and she says "nothing else inappropriate?" Well I don't have proof but I know what my gut feeling is. Let's not get into the "inappropriate" nature of the admitted venting to your ex who about our relationship problems...
Time for another confrontation with newfound evidence to poke holes. Let's see if it's enough to trigger her to come clean now on the rest.
She tries to minimize it. Reiterates that nothing else inappropriate was sent. I tell her that the whole thing is inappropriate and should have been shut down when it started in the way that it did. I asked what was exchanged on Snapchat. She said he asked for more but that she told him I'm married and don't want to do that. I pointed out that he was calling her sexy and asking to video chat and there's no hint of that sentiment in the months it took to move to Snapchat. All I see is (AP):"you're looking sexy" (WW) "thanks. you're looking good too!" and "Im 8 mo pregnant, tired, and don't want to be on camera." Nothing even vaguely expressing its inappropriate or that you want it to stop because you're married. Just quick on the draw when he asks to see that sexy belly or that cute face. Asking to video chat, a shared Snapchat username, and right on over to the platform designed for sexting. Either it's as you say, that you didn't care about him at all and just went along in the most passive way imaginable or you were an enthusiastic participant. I think it's the latter.
She deflects and brings up me texting my ex at one point with a picture of our new baby. Also mentioned a girl I have on Snapchat. Turns out she must have snooped in my phone? Well she never mentioned it to me despite "it shaking her."
Another example of a huge personality flaw of hers. No communication. She just bottled it up and used it as justification for eroding our marriage. If she had mentioned it at the time, it could have been addressed and put to rest. One benefit to living a clean life. I told her that my recollection of the nature of the conversation I had with her was that it was short, congratulating her on getting married and sharing that we had our daughter. That I haven't spoken to her since. As for the other one brought up that's a Snapchat friend, she is a childhood friend that was a few years younger and not an ex. Our parents worked together and our families hung out a lot. That she's in a happy long term committed relationship on the other side of the country and that I havent seen her since we were like 15 and 12. That we had previously talked in college and before our relationship about each others' relationships. Mainly to vent about ones that had ended or complain about the lack of options. At one point she was in one where he wasn't very committed and I told her she deserves better. I hadn't said anything during a relationship besides being happy and wishing her the same. This all being prior to our relationship. Since then it's pretty much just random pictures you send out to everyone like stuff our family is doing or of her and her SO/dog, but not engaging directly. So yeah, nice try at deflection, but these are wildly different actions.
All this gives me the idea to go see if she's got her old phone around somewhere with old messages from before we dated. I had seen the stuff mentioned in the previous post, but had drawn a line back then to not look at anything from before we dated. I feel it's relevant now for texts with AP at least, to be an example of how they interact.
Found it, and checked when she was away. Read their conversation history. Everything out of his mouth is sexual. Pushing for photos. Sending nudes. He was married at the time. She wasn't super cooperative at first, bringing up the wife, but still ended up sending nudes in response to his. About a year and a half before we got together, while she was between boyfriends, he asked to meet her at a hotel when she came back home for the holidays and she agreed. Later said she couldn't because she just started dating someone and wasn't the type of person to do stuff with two guys. Partial credit I guess? Still not a great look into the character of my wife to be comfortable as AP.
Anyway. Stashed away the evidence. I did do some internet sleuthing and found the address, phone numbers, Facebook, etc of him and his wife. More on that later.
In our conversations about him and their history together, she did mention that before we met, she was in a relationship where the guy was suspicious/jealous and was physically threatening (punched a wall next to her) and sexually assaulted her. That she had told the ex and he confronted the guy and made him back off. So there's a new aspect of trauma she hadn't shared fully. She had shared early on that she had a relationship with someone she was scared of who got jealous and started stalking her but hadn't shared the rest. She won't tell me his name which is probably good for my own continuing "not in jail" legal status, but fuck.... I can appreciate what he did for her and still think he's scum. I can understand the sense of owing him for that and wanting that as an option for protection, which lead to putting up with it despite not wanting to follow through (as she claims). That doesn't excuse continuing into marriage though. It's also fertile ground for an emotional affair if he's the confidant she talks to when things are rough. There's also the "well I've seen it already so it's not a big deal if you send more pictures" aspect that makes it easy to slip into that dynamic.
More to follow. I did however have a session with an IC thru talkspace which went well. She brought up BPD which after looking, I can't say hits on all counts but there's definitely a lot of overlap with the Petulant subtype.

I’ve just learned of this interesting sword via a Facebook post - this thing has been doing the rounds for several years now. The source is an article at online magazine 'La Brujula Verde' entitled 'The sword embedded in the rock of the precipice of Rocamadour for 9 centuries' written by Guillermo Carvajal in Spanish in 2016, then published in 2019 in English, which seems to be what prompted it to go 'viral' to some extent. I'm a few years late but still hoping to nip this one in the bud as far as posting something that the curious can easily find if they care to look. I would link an image of the sword but all images appear on pages with associated bad history and the rules say not to link to that. Anyway...
I saw several people lamenting that the Cluny Museum had taken this treasure down and put it in a museum. For one thing, if a piece of ferrous metal had truly survived 900 years in an exposed rock crevice (the more famous ‘sword in the stone’ at Montesiepi Chapel was at least protected from the elements), it certainly would have required salvage and preservation. However, what the article’s author failed to bother to find out is that this thing was completely fake in the first place, put there to attract tourists (Barber, Arthurian Swords I, Arthurian Literature XXXV, Volume 35, p.14):

Tourists can see [Durendal] fixed in the cliff face above the doorway to the shrine of the Virgin at Rocamadour; but this is a relatively modern feature and the sword is a nondescript nineteenth-century decorative sword of poor workmanship. In 1787 or 1788, a local lord, the Vicomte d'Anterroches, bullied the canons at Rocamadour into agreeing to present the sword then shown to visitors as Durendal - a coarse short dagger, possibly Bronze Age to the prince de Condé, whose collection of antiquities was dispersed at the Revolution. At some point a story was created that Henry the Young King had stolen the original sword when he came to Rocamadour during his rebellion against his father in 1183, but the first printed record of this is in the work of a late nineteenth-century English historian. There is no known connection between Roland and Rocamadour, and even the origins of the idea that Durendal might have been at the shrine are totally obscure.

Barber’s reference for the sword being fake is none other than the Cluny Museum itself, where the now-relic fake ended up (L'épée: usages, mythes et symboles : Paris, Musée de Cluny--Musée national du Moyen Âge, 28 avril-26 septembre 2011, p.97). The Cluny didn’t acquire it to preserve some 900-year-old treasure, they took it because of its significance as an example of how swords are used symbolically. Notably, as they say, pregnant women in the early 20th century would ask that particular fake sword for favours for their unborn children. Now, there has to have been an earlier sword there because Alexis de Valon noted in 1851 that;

...in Rocamadour and its environs, local people revered Durandal, believing that both it and its modern substitute could make childless women conceive.

(Harry Redman, Jr. 1991. The Roland Legend in Nineteenth Century French Literature, University Press of Kentucky, p.104).
Despite Barber’s comment about unknown origins of the Rocamadour 'Durendal' we do in fact know these, back to the early 17th century at least and summarised by Redman as follows:

Writing in 1620, Scipion Dupleix stated that Roland had been interred at St. Romain's and that, according to tradition, his sword had been placed at his head and his horn at his feet. Later, he added, the sword was taken to Rocamadour, while the horn was deposited in St. Seurin's. Mérimée, Inspecteur Général des Monuments Historiques, was in an excellent position to know where such things ought to be, and he thought the sword was still at Rocamadour. Frédéric Mistral was convinced of it. Mérimée's friend Alexis de Valon was not so sure and held that it had been removed from Rocamadour at the time of the French Revolution and replaced by another one not at all resembling it. Prince Lucien had the sword, along with its owner, interred at Roncevaux. For Peyrat, Roland, his sword, and his horn were all buried where the paladin was struck down. Cervantes, we recall, believed that the sword was in the Madrid museum where Quinet claimed to have seen it.

(Harry Redman, Jr. 1991. The Roland Legend in Nineteenth Century French Literature, University Press of Kentucky, p.213). Lots more in that article on the background to a claimed Durendal at Rocamadour prior to the insertion of the fake removed in 2011 (and since replaced by a new fake!).
Note that the sword referenced by Cervantes is an entirely different one in the Real Armería de Madrid, which was never claimed to reside at Rocamadour. So we have two competing 'surviving' Durendals, neither of which are even period, much less anything to do with Roland. This is typical of ‘surviving’ heroic swords which are mostly contemporary to the time when they are first claimed to be original. There's every chance that the Rocamadour sword is a replacement for something much older. Redman speculates that there may have been three swords there prior to 2011 (p.106). Whether any sword once in that rock face dated to Roland's era or could even have been his, we will never know. I suspect it originated as a classic ecceliastical fundraising effort, like Arthur and Guinevere's grave at Glastonbury Abbey. Regardless, the claim at hand is about the sword removed in 2011, and we can be certain that the this was definitively a fake, itself now replaced by a sword that will likely also be assumed as real in future. And if you've been to Rocamadour since 2011, the sword you saw is brand new.
Sources - inline with text/linked.

My nmom emailed me (28F) for the first time after 6 years of no contact. Picture the longest email you’ve ever received and multiply that by ten. Thats how long this email was. It would take hours to read. I foolishly reached out to her on Mother’s Day after being sad and alone. All I said was happy Mother’s Day I hope you’re doing okay.
A little background my mom was highly abusive to me as a child mentally. I’m an only child. She once made me pack my Barbie suitcase when I was 7 and drove me to the police station saying if my attitude didn’t stop that she was going to give me up and I’d never see her or my family again. She completely alienated me from my dad who I didn’t meet until I was 14 after I found him on Facebook. I got pregnant in highschool and she convinced me that my boyfriend was abusive and tried to alienate him in the same way that she alienated my dad. She did a lot of other really terrible shit in my 23 years but I won’t bring all that up.
I won’t read her email. I read the first two sentences and one or two after some of the bolded and red coloured headings. She has not changed. Somehow she managed to get worse which I didn’t think was possible. 😆 Blaming me for things I did wrong when I was four years old lol Blaming me for her cancer she had 9 years ago and if it comes back “that’s on your head”. It’s wild how she still thinks this way.
In the end it gave me closure. She stopped answering my texts 6 years ago and I eventually stopped reaching out. But she still claims I was the one who cut off contact and stole her grandchild from her.
If you’ve gone full no contact keep in mind that if you do reach out this could happen. Narcissists almost never change. I’m happy that after years of therapy, that I’m still in, I was able to respond in the way I did. She lives off of reactions and that’s what I used to always give her. I’m glad I’m genuinely okay after that email and that I’m even able to laugh at how delusional she is. Going no contact was the best thing I ever did and I’m glad I got closure.
Here was my response:
“Judging by the first two sentences you're not ready to take full accountability for everything starting from the time I was born until 2018. I am ready to take accountability for everything. However, I will not be reading this email. It seems as though you are still focusing on the past and blaming me for everything.
I wanted to try to communicate to move past everything that has happened. I understand that Our relationship will never be the same. But I wanted to work toward moving on.
When you're ready to move forward I will gladly talk to you. The ball is in your court. But I stand firm on my boundaries of it being a safe and respectful conversation. I am deleting this email now.
Take care and I do genuinely hope you're doing okay.”

I met Luna on a train two years ago. I’d just escaped from a toxic relationship, so romance was the last thing on my mind, but then she sat across from me in the carriage and asked about the book I was reading. She had a copy in her bag and wanted to know if it was any good.
I'd never felt such an instant, effortless connection with anybody before. I took a chance and asked her to dinner, and by the time the waiters cleared away our desserts, I already felt comfortable being vulnerable around her. So we went on a second date. And a third. And next thing I knew, we were planning our second anniversary.
In all that time she never gave off any 'creeper' vibes. Until a few months ago, when I stayed the night over at her place...
She'd gotten up early to use the bathroom. I grabbed her laptop off the side desk so I could catch up on some work e-mails, and the incognito tab was just sitting there. My first thought was: either she's having an affair or she's got a secret fetish.
What I found instead was a Google account with a photo album called ‘Michael’s EX’. In it, there were 427 photos of my former girlfriend turned psycho stalker, Sadie. This included shots of ‘Sadie the stalker’ with her family, screenshots of her passport—the works. On Facebook, Sadie's latest post said Moving to the Philippines, and since then she’d become a social media church mouse, so how did Luna keep her under surveillance? And how did you even get PERSONAL ID from a person halfway across the globe?
Down the hall, I heard the bathroom door swing open. Quickly I closed the laptop and pretended to be asleep until Luna planted a kiss on my lips. “Wakey wakey Bugs.”
I faked a stretch. “Morning Lola."
(At school, the other kids christened me ‘Bugs’ because of my cartoonishly large front teeth; I called Luna ‘Lola’ because of her blonde bangs and heart-shaped face.)
“How about we grab a fry for breakfast?” Her smile didn’t seem genuine, more like she was wearing a mask.
“Crap. I forgot I’m doing overtime today, I’ve gotta get to work.” With that, I shot out of there faster than a bullet train to Tokyo.
Because I didn’t wanna believe the worst about someone I cared so deeply about, I didn’t contact the police (not that anybody could’ve guessed what Luna was up to) and made excuses whenever she asked to meet, delaying the decision whether to end our relationship.
At night, I couldn’t sleep. Every time a hedge rustled outside, I’d run to the window and pull back the curtain only to discover a black cat skulking around the garden. I put this down to my previous relationship leaving me with a mountain of unresolved PTSD.
Sadie the stalker also seemed normal until we moved in together. After that she started picking fights if she caught me talking to another woman, even just distant relatives or childhood friends. The screaming matches went from weekly to nightly, only ever ending when I conceded to her every wish and gave her full access to my phone and social media accounts. I literally needed to grab my clothes into a bag and run away one night, and then I started hearing noises outside my new apartment. And although I never found any evidence, I was pretty sure she’d broken in at one point because the books on my side table were suddenly out of order one day. What hurt the most was Luna knew all this and still acted the way she did.
Right as I reached my lowest point, my close friend Gertrude called and said, “The universe is telling me you could use a sympathetic ear.”
I told her the universe didn’t know the half of it.
I’d met Gertrude—aka my surrogate mother—on a flight to London. Passing over Wales the aircraft hit heavy turbulence, and the grey-haired hippie in the seat next to mine squeezed my hand so tight that my fingers turned blue. After we levelled off, she apologized and said, “So what’s calling you to London?”
“A job.”
A few glasses of wine from the service trolley later, she blurted out, “You know your aura is strikingly similar to my husbands.”
“Uhh, thanks. Where is he now?”
“Oh, he burned to death in a house fire.”
Gertrude’s eyes started welling up. To take her mind off the subject, I said, “I lied earlier. I’m going to London because I fell in love with a Londoner.” I pulled up pictures of Sadie (back in her pre-stalker days) on my phone. “We met in Italy. She looked flustered trying to read a map book so I offered to help. Next thing I knew, we were planning a trip to this place called Orvieto.”
“Michael, I need to know how this story ends. Gimme your number.”
Since then, we’d met two or three times a year.
I laid the whole mess out over pizza. It was the first time since finding the Google account I didn’t feel hidden eyes crawling all over me.
Just as I wrapped up the story, over in the corner booth, a family burst into a chorus of happy birthday. A waiter appeared carrying a chocolate cake, capped by a giant candle that looked more like a flare. Gertrude tensed up.
“So what do you think about all this?” I asked.
She looked back at me and said, “It’s possible your reaction has been a touch on the dramatic side.”
“DRAMATIC??”
“Well consider things from Luna’s point of view. Your last relationship lasted for, what, three years? Maybe she felt threatened.”
“I don’t believe this.” I grabbed a cigarette from my pocket, but Gertrude snatched it away.
“You know how I feel about you poisoning your lungs, Michael.”
“Don’t you start. I got enough of that crap from Luna.”
Gertrude always encouraged me to work through my romantic problems. Ultimately, I decided her love of fairytale romances clouded her judgement and ghosted Luna instead. But I couldn’t escape her shadow. She always felt close. In fact, it got so bad that at a friend’s costume party several weeks later, my eyes kept compulsively scanning the crowd as if she was there in disguise, ready to pounce.
I stood off to the corner until, over the sea of heads, I spotted a beautiful stranger dressed as Jarlath the Goblin King. I took a shot of liquid courage and made a B-line towards her.
Halfway across the crowded room, beer splashed across the front of my Ziggy Stardust outfit.
“I am so sorry,” a female pirate said, patting me dry.
“Don’t worry about it.” Every time I tried circling her, she moved to cut me off.
“I am such a klutz. Why don’t you come into the kitchen so I can clean up this mess?”
I put my hands on her shoulders and steered her out of the way. “It’s fine. Trust me.”
Approaching Jarlath from behind, heart slamming against my chest, I said, “Well this is awkward. One of us is gonna have to change.”
Jennie had bright blue eyes and dimples impossible to miss. Ten minutes into our debate about David Bowie’s greatest album, I said, “You know Absolute Bowie are playing the Half Moon next week. I could take you?”
“Sorry. I’m going with my boyfriend,” she said with a sympathetic smile. From beside the buffet table, the pirate stared daggers in our direction.
“No worries,” I replied, despite the fact I was brimming with jealousy.
The next day, as I jogged off my hangover, a brown-haired lady cut across my path and we both went spinning to the ground.
“Flip, sorry.” I rushed to pull her up by the hands. “I’m like a bloody zombie lately.”
She did a doubletake. “Ziggy, right?”
There was no mistaking those eyes. “Jarlath?”
“Well, Jarlath or Jennie. Eithers fine.”
“Right. Well, sorry again. Enjoy Absolute Bowie.”
Before I could jog away, she said, “Hey, so that guy I was seeing? Turns out he’s a total prick.”
Jennie and I went for coffee. Coffee morphed into drinks. Drinks morphed into a steamy make-out session on my sofa.
But as she covered my neck in soft kisses, my stomach turned. It felt like cheating. So, I put the brakes on things and said, “I can’t do this. I’m really sorry. You’re amazing, but I just got out of a serious relationship…and…it’s just…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.”
We agreed we’d let our connection blossom in its own time.
Jennie had a playful mystique to her. Within a handful of dates, we’d developed inside jokes and could tell what the other was thinking. But Luna’s imprint was hard to shake, to the extent I almost mixed up the two ladies’ names multiple times.
To detox, I suggested Jennie and I spend a romantic weekend in the Lake District, because after two days of hiking and kayaking my ex would no doubt be a spec in the rearview mirror.
Hours before we set off, however, Luna’s mom called. She wanted to meet and wouldn’t accept any excuses.
“Look, it’s obvious why I’m here,” she said, sitting across from me in Starbucks. “Ever since you and Luna broke up, she’s been acting…different.”
“Different? Different how?”
“I call but she hardly answers. I go over to her place but she’s never there. Now she’s telling me she needs to find herself. Says she’s moving to Australia.”
Her fingers tightened around her cup. “I need to know what happened between you two. And I don’t care if that paints anybody in a bad light. I’m just worried about my daughter is all.”
I told her about the Google account.
“Did you confront her about it?”
“Hell no. I ghosted that crazy bitc—” I cleared my throat. “I mean, I just…stopped seeing her.”
She started crying so loudly customers at nearby tables paused their conversations. I touched her forearm, promised I’d call if I remembered anything else, then set off for my romantic weekend.
But while Jennie and I enjoyed all that fresh air and pub food, a thought nagged at me. Luna adored London, so why move to Australia? It seemed so out of character. Back at our rented cottage, I was so fixated on the thought I needed a smoke, badly.
“What the hell is that?” Jennie demanded, as she stepped onto the front deck.
I glanced at my hands. “Uhh, a cigarette.”
“Michael! Don’t be sarcastic. You know how I feel about those things.”
“…Do I?”
“Uhh, well it’s the same as anybody else. Quit poisoning your lungs and put that thing out.”
“Alright alright, geeze. Sorry Luna.”
“That’s okay.”
A knot formed in my stomach as she went back inside. I’d called Jennie Luna by mistake. And she hadn’t noticed. In fact, her reaction to me smoking was identical to Luna’s—even the snappy way she said the ‘poison your lungs’ line.
I followed Jennie into the lounge, where she’d curled up on an armchair with a Colleen Hoover novel. She was hiding something. What else did she know about Luna? Maybe I could trick her into revealing some details…
From behind, I started massaging her shoulders. “Sorry for being rude before. I know what you said came from a place of love.”
“That’s okay.”
I waited until her eyes drooped shut, then said, “It really is perfect here, huh? Maybe we should stay forever.”
“Wouldn’t that be amazing?”
Her little groans of pleasure, the rhythm of her breathing, it all felt so familiar. I waited until the tension in her neck dissolved, then I pushed my lips against her ear and whispered, “So how about we take this into the bedroom…Lola.”
“Hmm. Sure thing Bugs.”
My hands froze. Jennie jumped up. “Uhh, that felt so good, why’d you stop?”
“What did you just say?”
“What did you just say?”
“I called you Lola,” I replied, my arms frozen in midair. “And you called me bugs.”
“Like the cartoon, right? I thought it’d be a cute nickname. Anyway, I’m tuckered out.” She forced a yawn. “Why don’t we get some sleep?”
As her hand laced with mine, an image of me waking up drugged and gagged and tied to the bedposts flashed before my eyes.
I said, “Sure. I just…need to use the bathroom first.”
The second the door shut behind me, I flew out of the house, climbed in my car, and sped away.
Within seconds my phone started blowing up with calls, followed by texts. Where are you going? Is everything okay?
No, I wanted to reply. I’m onto your sick little game. Whatever it is, I’m onto it.
Luna stalked my stalker, now Jennie somehow knew Luna and I’s nicknames. How? Did all women take turns drawing straws and whoever picked the short one needed to become my girlfriend?
I couldn’t go home. For all I knew, my exes would’ve been there burning effigies of me. I needed a safe place. Somewhere I could lie low until I got all this straightened out.
“Of course you can stay,” Gertrude said over the phone. “I’m out with some friends, but I’ll meet you later. If you hop the side gate there’s a spare key under the kissing gnomes out back.”
Gertrude lived in a detached house in Wembley. It took a bit of foraging to find the gnomes hidden beneath the weeds in the brown, patchy garden.
I needed to shoulder the door open. Inside, a mountain of letters and flyers had piled up on the welcome mat.
Down the hall, a huge archway connected the landing with a lounge, where a bar sat against the far wall, surrounded by upholstered sofas, a low table, and tie dye sheets strung over the filthy carpet. Everything had a real elegant vibe, despite the musty air.
I’d drained two glasses of whiskey before Gertrude arrived.
“Looks like you’ve had a rough evening.”
I said we could talk in the morning.
“Not a chance. You can’t take negative energy to bed. Come on, confession is good for the soul.”
She sat on the sofa and patted the empty seat next to her. So, with a weary sigh, I shared a tale of deranged exes.
“Crazy,” she said.
“I sure can pick ‘em, huh?”
“No, I mean you’re crazy.”
“What?”
“Think about it. What’s more likely: that your ex’s are secretly in collusion, or you’re being paranoid? Look how bloodshot your eyes are. When’s the last time you got a good night’s rest?”
She made a great point; teenagers on the street occasionally shouted ‘Bugs’ or ‘Thumper’ at me. Jennie might’ve come up with the nickname herself. I pinched the bridge of my nose, groaning.
“Look, sleep here tonight. Tomorrow we’ll brainstorm ways you can make it up to Jennie.”
I fumbled through my pockets for a cigarette.
“Really?” Gertrude said. “If you insist on poisoning your lungs, can you at least do it away from my home?”
“Well if I can’t smoke, I’m gonna need a refill.” I shook my empty glass.
On my way toward the bar, a wave of wooziness hit me. My first instinct was to blame it on the alcohol, but there was something else.
It was her reaction to the cigarette. My finger ran through the thick layer of dust along the bar’s countertop. Why was it like the place had been abandoned? Why did Gertrude always pressure me to stay with my psycho girlfriends? And how come she always reached out, as if on cue, whenever my relationships hit problems? It couldn’t be coincidence…
I poured two glasses of whiskey and carried them to the sofa. “So, you’re really against the whole smoking thing, huh?”
“Of course. It’s a filthy habit.”
“Yeah. Plus, there was that mess with your husband. House fire, right?”
“I’d rather not discuss it.”
“Sure, sure.” I ignited the lighter with a roll across my trouser leg.
Gertrude grabbed a cushion and hugged it. “What are you doing?”
“Alright, cut the crap. What the hell’s going on? Have you been sending your friends to date me?”
“What are you talking about?”
I wrestled the cushion from her and held the lighter beneath it. “I want an explanation right now or I’m torching this place.”
This was an empty threat. I wasn’t some pyromaniac—I just wanted answers. Inch by inch, I raised the flame. “Last chance. Why are the women in my life acting weird?”
Gertrude grabbed for the lighter. As I swatted her wrists away, we both got scorched, and for a moment her skin went wild with spasms, a sensation I can only compare to reaching inside a bucket of wet, writhing maggots. My gaze whipped between her face and her hands, which vibrated like plucked guitar strings.
Before I could scream, she yanked me up, clamped a cold, wrinkled palm across my mouth, and forced me against the wall. I thrashed around, unable to move. For a lady old enough to collect a pension, she was crazy strong.
She waited until I ran out of breath, then said, “Michael, please. I’m not going to hurt you. Open your heart and listen.”
What else could I do?
“You were right before. I have been keeping a secret from you. The truth is, I’ve been in love with you since we met. I’d never flown before. And you were so so sweet. You started talking about this other woman, but I knew our energies were perfect for each other. And it’s like I always say, love makes us do crazy things. You can’t begrudge me that can you?”
She looked as if she expected me to respond, so I shook my head.
“But I think we’ve reached a point where our connection is so deep we can be completely transparent with one another.” She took a slow, steady breath. “Michael, all your ex’s, Luna, Sadie, Jennie. They’ve all been…well, me.”
I stared at her, confused.
She sighed. “It’ll be easier if I just show you.”
Out of nowhere her hand wriggled again, then her face tightened, as though the skin was being stretched over the bone. Wrinkles smoothed out and colour bled into her grey hair, turning it brown, and within seconds I found myself face-to-face with Jennie. Even her vintage clothes morphed into a green blouse and white slacks.
“See?” she said in Jennie’s voice, her now blue eyes locked on mine.
I screamed into the soft flesh of her palm.
“Sssh, it’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. Watch.”
Her entire body jerked and twitched, the muscles spasming as she shifted from Jennie to Luna. “See? Think of these as costumes”—from Luna to Sadie—"the important thing is what’s underneath. And you’ve fallen in love with what’s underneath three times. Now I’m going to let go, but I need you to promise you won’t overreact. Understand?”
On the verge of a panic attack, I nodded furiously.
The second she pulled away I made a break for the exit. The thing posing as Sadie grabbed me and hurled me backwards against the wall.
Like a disappointed teacher, she put her hands on her hips. “I’ve been so patient with you, Michael. So very, very patient.”
She blocked off any hope of escape. I sidestepped around the outer edge of the room, towards the bar.
“All those years moulding you. Trying to grow you into the man I know you can be. I really thought we had it this time. For the record, I wanted to do this the easy way. But drastic times...”
I was so scared I slammed right into the cabinet and yelped. Glass bottles chattered together, and then something wet ran down the back of my shirt. It was whiskey, leaking from the overturned bottle onto the carpeted floor.
Speaking more to herself now, Gertrude said, “I’ll just have to keep you here until you love me as much as I love you. Of course, that means posing as you so nobody gets suspicious, but that’s no trouble. I’ll tell your dad you’re moving to Italy. You always loved Italy.”
Pose as me? She'd been killing my ex's and taking their place, I was just the latest in a long line. She’d keep me as a personal sugar baby if I didn’t escape, but how? She was impossibly strong, and the only thing that seemed to scare her was…
Snatching the bottle, I doused the remaining whiskey all over the carpet and furniture. As I flicked the lighter open, Sadie’s hands shot up.
“Bugs…darling…what are you doing?”
I took three slow, steady breaths. “Breaking up with you, you crazy bitch.”
I tossed the lighter forward. Within seconds flames sprung up all around us, spreading as far as the sofa. Sadie’s shoe caught fire, and as she stamped around, unintentionally fanning the blaze, her body writhed again, starting with the ankles. Fat boils climbed up every inch of exposed skin, milky white and with the consistency of frog spawn, like she’d had a killer allergic reaction to poison ivy.
She dropped to her knees, wailing like a wounded animal. This was my chance.
I made a break for the exit, giving the creature as wide a berth as possible. But as I got one foot planted in the hall something clamped tight around my ankles. My chin hit the floor, then I started sliding backwards.
I twisted onto my back. Where Sadie’s left arm should’ve been, a tentacle-like appendage stretched across the length of the room, a distance of over twenty feet. It reeled me toward her like a fish on a line. Whatever that thing was no longer looked human. It melted like an ice statue, with no bones or connective tissue inside, its lips nose and mouth becoming hideously elongated before dripping off in huge globs like melted candlewax. A fire alarm started wailing as the tentacle dragged me through the flames, scorching my arms and legs.
The loose mass of skin reached out and encased me like a mother bird sheltering its eggs.
“WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?” all my ex’s voices screamed at once. Whichever direction I looked, silhouettes of faces rose and fell, as if trying to burst through. Parts of them dripped inside my mouth, disgustingly warm with a bitter taste worse than Vaseline.
I put everything into clawing my way out if there. What was left of the beast had the consistency of wet clay and came apart just as easily. I tore away chunks until there was a hole large enough to squeeze through. Then, I crawled along surrounded by black smoke.
At the far side of the room I risked a glance back and saw a bumpy, uneven hand reaching out of a puddle of ooze. Soon I was crawling over the bristly welcome mat, then fumbling for the door. All I remember after that are paramedics wrestling me into an ambulance…
A specialist officer came to see me at the hospital the next morning. They’d been unable to contact the homeowner, Gertrude Huyton, and through his line of questioning I could tell they hadn’t found her ‘remains’ inside the charred house. Like the wicked witch of the West, my stalker had melted. I told the officer she said I could stay the night, and that I probably started the fire by dropping a cigarette.
“In that case, we’ll keep trying to reach her.” He walked to the curtain surronding my bed and paused. “Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, her cat is missing.”
“Her...cat?”
“Yeah. The little black one. One of the firemen pulled it out of the wreckage. The poor thing had burns over its legs but it ran off before anybody could take it to the vet.”
I swallowed a gulp and thanked him for telling me.
And now I’m still sitting here listening while nurses rush back and forth, terrified any one of them might be Gertrude…

So my ex who I dated for two years (me at the time being 15F-17, him being 17M-19) reached out to me the moment I made a Facebook at the age of 25.
When we dated, it was fun when it was fun, but he also mistreated me. He had rage issues, would scream at me, slapped me (not hard), and then cheated on me. I've grown so much without him and understand how much better I am not dating him.
After he reached out, he apologized, said he's medicated, the whole thing. I told him we will never be anything more than casual friends if anything at all, but I'm proud he's growing.
Yesterday I casually said I was going to Walmart. Later I got a text that said "I hope you don't think I'm stalking you, I just needed to go to Walmart, too." I was like ??? I didn't even see you. But apparently he saw me and said I looked good. Which is nice, but I'm like... flabbergasted.
What do I make of this? Is it a big deal, or not really? I'm having a hard time gauging if this is severe or if I'm feeling unnecessarily uncomfortable. He is a different person now, for sure, but this is a whole new behavior.

The purpose of this post is to educate newcomers how to infiltrate AWDTSG groups from within since Facebook only allows you to report posts that you have access to. The group admins know this and they are being very careful who they let into these groups to take advantage.
When you attempt to join a private group Facebook reveals to their admins more about your profile than you may realize, even if you set privacy settings to "only you". Giving them hints that you are in infiltrator.
Private Information given to group admins:
number of groups and names number of Friends and names
Mutual friends Friends that are in the group Real date Facebook account was created Location Work
Facebook information that is always public: User Name User ID Profile photo Cover photo Gender
Since the real date your account was created is revealed to group admins, simply creating a new account won't be enough to infiltrate the group. You need an aged account.
Also having mutual friends that are in the group makes your account a lot more viable.
They set automated filters to decline accounts that don't meet specific criteria like being old enough or not having enough mutual friends in the group or not having a profile picture etc.
If you are declined by one of these automatic filters the admins won't have even read your message to the intro questions.
One way to have an aged account is to simply rename your main account to a girl name and change genders (thanks trans people). If you do this remember to also change the username which is separate from the profile name.
ANSWERS: (Please use variations of this and not word for word can use chatgpt to summarize)
Please briefly summarize Group Rule #1 in your own words. ... If you copy and paste any part of it or don't answer this question you will be denied. Please include what the last line says you should be mentally prepared for.
Avoid telling men or sharing media about the group to maintain its secrecy and ensure it's a safe space for women to support each other. However, be prepared if the information you shared ends up getting out.
Please briefly summarize Group Rule #2 in your own words. If you copy and paste any part of it or don't answer this question you will be denied. Make sure to include where the details should go when posting. Hint: No details can be in the post text.
Refrain from including negative content in post titles. Instead, provide general information and reserve specifics such as first names and photos for the comments section. Only discuss men if you've dated them or have a genuine reason to.
Please briefly summarize Group Rule #5 here. If you copy and paste any part of it or don't answer this question you will be denied. Make sure to include what will happen to you if you make any mean, judgmental, or unnecessary comments about anyone.
Be mindful not to be mean or judgmental, as it could lead to being banned. Focus on sharing personal experiences with guys or offering helpful information for other women. This platform is not for making jokes or assumptions about men, but rather for providing support and useful insights.
I'll post more as I discover more but feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

I am in a love triangle. Two girls are in love with me.
It's like one of those Romance movies I watch, and problem is I was the main focus of the love triangle. This sounds like out of a movie.
For some context I(15m) and my bsf, let's just call her Ashley(15f) had been friends since childhood. There was never really going on between us- I mean people had been shipping us ever since we were kids and my mom still teases me to this day that we will end up together. I just brush those aside because to be honest I felt no romantic feelings towards Ashely( at the time) but it all changed during Valentine's Day at School.
Now Ashley is bisexual, she dates both boys and girls. When we were thirteen I was the first one of our friends to support her on coming out as bisexual when she was dating this girl. Unfortunately her girlfriend cheated on her with a guy and their relationship only lasted five months. After that she dated guys, I don't remember how many guys but if I can accurately estimate it was around two guys.
During lunch at Valentine's day at school, she gave me chocolates for being a good friend. I asked her" Don't you have a boyfriend?" When I asked that she brushed me off and said" Nah! We broke up."
I told her thanks and gave her the chocolate I had bought for my crush( she rejected me so I gave it to Ashley instead) and when she received it she gave me a look which I can only describe as romantic love. We both laughed it off and continued to the next period. The few days after that was normal, but next Monday my homeroom teacher introduced an exchange student from another school. This was weird, because it was in the middle of the school year. My homeroom tasked me with showing her around school and I did.
Let's call call her Alexa- Now Alexa transferred to my school because her dad had a new job so her family moved in my city and she and I have a lot in common. She was bold and started flirting with me as a joke, now I noticed that Ashley did not seem to like that. She did not really do anything, she was busy with her club and her upcoming competition at the time and along with her grades so she did not seem to bother with the fact that I was spending more time with Alexa.
Ashley ended up in second place(congratulations girl!), she searched for me at the crowd and I congratulated her. She seemed to be happy, but her mood changes when she sees me alongside Alexa who was " very" close to me. She shot a glare at Alexa before directing her focus to me. She invited me to come with her since her team alongside her coach is going to this Italian. I politely declined and told her I was going at Alexa's place to finish our science research.
Ashley nodded, I could tell she was hurt but she tried to play it off cool and went to celebrate with her team.
Alexa asked me if I was dating her, I said no and and told her that she was a childhood friend.
Ever since that Ashley avoided me and made up excuses on why we can't hang out like we used to. Being the direct person I am, I asked her why she's acting like that. She ignored me and went to her class(rude) and after school I chased her at the terminal. I asked her again, which resulted in her snarling at me and telling me that I now have Alexa. I was confused at the time and told Ashley that Alexa is just a friend and that she is dating another guy so there's no need to worry.
Then Ashley glared at me and said that Alexa broke up with her current boyfriend after three weeks. I was dumbfounded on how a relationship can end that fast.
This month Ashley confessed thru text that she likes me very much and had romantic feelings for me ever since childhood. My heart pumped like a thousand times reading her heartfelt confession, but then I remember that this was the type of girl whose relationships ends very fast.
As for Alexa she had been making a move on me after she broke up with her boyfriend. I only knew this girl for three months, and seeing how her relationships ends I am skeptical of even starting a relationship with her. I don't really know much about her, unlike Ashley whom I knew since we were like six.
But despite that I am starting to develop feelings for both girls. I am blind to a person's red flags, and I had never been in a relationship before. Right now I can't say who I like more because of how conflicted I felt. Any advice will do. For the time being I won't make any move since I'm more busy on my graduation and getting into 10th grade.
Alexa and Ashley too, they are busy. Though Ashley will sweep in every time she gets, whenever I have free time she will invite me to hang out where she will show signs like hugging me more tightly, being more possessive and being more serious.
I'm trying to distract myself with playing games, doing hobbies and going outside. Just give advice, people of reddit. I am an insecure, immature, inexperienced guy who has never been in a relationship.
Don't mind the grammar and spelling mistakes since English is not my first language. I left out huge details and I made this look like out of a slice of life anime, but this is driving me crazy. Both girls are driving me crazy. I know people in the comments will say" Go for Ashley" but I need your thoughts please.

Some of you know my story..
WH confessed right after a one-time PA with an engaged coworker who had been admittedly boldly pursuing him and telling him how bad she wanted to have sex with him while we were in a terrible rough patch. It was so out of character for my husband to even socialize with a female coworker, but I think he just got caught up in the attention and has terrible coping skills which led to what happened. I would have never know if he hadn’t confessed and he has told me every detail of the entire situation. His breakdown afterwards and now months of constant inner work (IC, MC, church, only working in a solitary spot if he works overtime so he can’t socialize, check-ins, open phone.. you name it) show me how remorseful he is and that every bit of fantasy or limerance ended at the moment they actually went through with the act. He says he truly hates himself for acting like a person he is not and all he wants is to now be a better man for me and our kids. By both accounts (and they did not have any chance to match up stories and she was denying everything at first when WH confessed) it was awkward, regrettable, and that there was zero connection or reality to the thought that it might be something enjoyable. He has talked to me every day, wrote letters and long texts expressing his deep regret for hurting me and himself and his love for me.
So the issue now is that I allowed WH to keep working in the same office at his job on the same shift. I made it clear I only want to stay together if he wants absolutely nothing to do with her and would never speak to her again, which seems to be the case. She told me she wants nothing to do with him as well and is humiliated that everyone now thinks of her as a whore. Her fiance is their coworker as well and while at first they chose to rug sweep it all, are now blowing up because she was not honest like my WH and OBS is obviously very embarrassed and hurt.
The logical part of me knows they won’t talk. There was no emotional connection and the only thing between them was a sexual tension bubble that popped immediately. According to other coworkers she is a totally different person now and walks around with her head down not talking to anyone when before she was the facility’s attention whore. Besides a slip-up of not telling me right away when OBS recently threatened him at work, WH has given me zero reason to not believe in him. In counseling this week he said me thinking he’s still talking to her deeply hurts his heart because he is so adamant about never wanting either of us to feel this way again.
Sorry such a long backstory.. I’ve battled this for over 3 months now and just wonder if I really should ask him to go to 3rd shift. We’d lose intimate sleeping time together.. and part of me feels like it’s a cop out since 1st shift is the devil I know at this point.. but maybe it would help me heal or have less moments of wondering “what if they are in contact and I just don’t know?”

Anyway I (17f) and him (17m) have made great progress. To sum it up he asked for my number a few months ago and I had to further ask him if he liked me and he said yes. We’ve known each other since 6th grade and we are now seniors. I would say we were more of acquaintances. He said he developed a crush on me last year and so far we’ve been to the movies together (still not sure if that was a date or not because originally his friends were supposed to be there but they never showed up), he’s been over my house twice, and we went to prom together. Now, that prom is over there isn’t anything to plan or text about anymore. I don’t see him in school because we don’t have the same classes. I’m very introverted and quiet, I haven’t had friends since middle school and the people who have tried to befriend me either find me boring or awkward. I went from sitting at a lunch table alone in the beginning of the year to sitting at a lunch table with a couple of his friends that share the same lunch. We both said we enjoyed prom and we spent senior skip day together watching anime he’s recommended me. (He’s really into anime and trying to get me to watch it).
Anyway I did something bold when he asked me how my day was and I said “it’s good and better now that you’re texting”. I guess it sounds like I flirting with him and I guess guys are clueless because why would I have invited him over if I didn’t like him😅? Anyway he asked some funny random questions today and I didn’t ask any back so any funny conversation starters? Maybe even a would you rather or something…

TW: SA Heads up it’s a long post
AITA for telling my whole family by a family Facebook post about how my sisters fiancé sexually assaulted me? Here’s some back story.
My sister (mid 20s) and her or was her fiancé (early 30s?) have been together for years and have have known each other since she was around 15. I’ve been around him since I was 4 as he used to be my neighbour and my sister’s friend (he was dating another woman back then and was also having kids at the time). I always felt off about him even being only 4 and turns out I was right. Growing up I had full grown adults joking about me having a “crush” on him (a full grown adult man btw” and that always made me feel uneasy.
Just before I turned 18 last year I had a massive breakup with my almost 2 year boyfriend while also grieving a loss of a love one (my exs dad). While we were going through the breakup process (was still 17) my sisters fiancé started to get weird and my ex had to reply to him while we were breaking up as well. I then turned 18 and things got worse (I won’t be going into detail). I briefly told my mum that he was being weird and flirty but I told her not to tell my sister at least not yet as I was already going through so much. He then started sending me inappropriate pictures and saying inappropriate things and much worse things that is a bit much for anyone to hear. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to A hurt my sister and B thought people wouldn’t believe me anyways. This went on for months.
Then it started happening in person. So I finally broke to my sister one night after it had gotten worse. I had small proof but not enough proof. I had screenshots of him telling me about his sex life and also screenshotted me telling him I would tell her about everything that happened with him also threatening me if I did. None of that was enough. She even said I was the one flirting and messaging him which was actually the other way around. I did text him a few times to make sure he was ok after bad medical episodes though. She pushed my mum away for not telling her as well as myself. A couple weeks after she did break up with him but really not much was different they are and we’re still hanging out. They have a kid together so he goes there for his kid apparently but he’s there a lot more than that. I also seen pictures of them hanging out and being really close.
Yesterday I was thinking about the situation a lot. I was thinking about how my whole family was still hanging around him without many issues. I was thinking about how immediate family wasn’t telling other family and family friends what was really happening. I was thinking about how everyone was painting my sister as the victim and nobody cared to reach out to me. I was thinking about how other girls and maybe even kids could get affected. I was thinking about how I’m only 19 going through all of this. I got really angry with how I was being treated and made a rash decision to make a post on my Facebook saying “For my family deciding to hide the truth.. The fact you let your own daughter,sister and etc be sexually harassed by “family”and just move on and pretend nothing happened disgusting. The fact you can all hang out and pretend you're family with him is disgusting. To hardly believe me in the first place with proof is digusting. I'm done hiding the truth about everything that affects me in my life so people can look "good". This is not ok. Get mad at me for telling people? Maybe you should've cared about what I went through. Barely 18 getting harassed by an almost 30 yr old. I’m done being quiet about peoples behaviour (in general). It’s mentally and physically draining”.
After posting this I didn’t know whether to regret it or not. My aunty messaged me to say that he has to be around for the kids and that’s they need to for good parenting. I explained they weren’t hanging around just for his and even so is he good for the kids?. She ignored me. I then had my mum call me dozens of times but I ignored it. She messaged me to say that her, dad and my other sister don’t agree with what’s happening but I feel actions speak louder than words and that it’s almost hard to believe. My mum had also told me something I didn’t know which was that my sister messaged my ex when I first told her and probably to ask about the messages between him and my sisters fiancé I was angry about that because we had been broken up and no contact (still are) for at least a year and she knew everything I went through with him. My dad messaged me to see if I was ok maybe he is feeling the same as me I don’t know. A couple weeks ago he went to talk to my sister about being civil with me and to get along even with the situation going on so maybe my dad is on my side but again I don’t know and wish the actions were bigger than the words. After small texts back to them I decided to go to sleep.
Today I woke up to my sister telling me she’s cutting all ties with me altogether and we are basically no longer sisters etc she also said the same for my nephew (only 3 years old). she then went on to say how I was slandering my nephews father publicly on Facebook and that it wasn’t ok. She then went onto say that I didn’t have any real “proof” yes she used those marks. She said I will no longer be able to see my nephew again who’s only 3 btw. She then said “ if you think I’m going to allow him (nephew) around someone who is publicly bashing and slandering his father on Facebook, you have another thing coming. Felt like a threat tbh. I didn’t fully know what to think and I still don’t. I pretty much ignored and didn’t reply to the message all I said is she’s not getting an argument out of me. I told my friends what was happening they didn’t listen and nobody really is. I do have therapy but there’s so much other stuff I need to talk to my therapist about and a therapist can’t fix my whole family. So was I wrong for the post I made? What do I do?

Am I wrong for telling my family publicly what happened?
TW: SA Heads up it’s a long post
AITA for telling my whole family by a family Facebook post about how my sisters fiancé sexually assaulted me? Here’s some back story.
My sister (mid 20s) and her or was her fiancé (early 30s?) have been together for years and have have known each other since she was around 15. I’ve been around him since I was 4 as he used to be my neighbour and my sister’s friend (he was dating another woman back then and was also having kids at the time). I always felt off about him even being only 4 and turns out I was right. Growing up I had full grown adults joking about me having a “crush” on him (a full grown adult man btw” and that always made me feel uneasy.
Just before I turned 18 last year I had a massive breakup with my almost 2 year boyfriend while also grieving a loss of a love one (my exs dad). While we were going through the breakup process (was still 17) my sisters fiancé started to get weird and my ex had to reply to him while we were breaking up as well. I then turned 18 and things got worse (I won’t be going into detail). I briefly told my mum that he was being weird and flirty but I told her not to tell my sister at least not yet as I was already going through so much. He then started sending me inappropriate pictures and saying inappropriate things and much worse things that is a bit much for anyone to hear. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to A hurt my sister and B thought people wouldn’t believe me anyways. This went on for months.
Then it started happening in person. So I finally broke to my sister one night after it had gotten worse. I had small proof but not enough proof. I had screenshots of him telling me about his sex life and also screenshotted me telling him I would tell her about everything that happened with him also threatening me if I did. None of that was enough. She even said I was the one flirting and messaging him which was actually the other way around. I did text him a few times to make sure he was ok after bad medical episodes though. She pushed my mum away for not telling her as well as myself. A couple weeks after she did break up with him but really not much was different they are and we’re still hanging out. They have a kid together so he goes there for his kid apparently but he’s there a lot more than that. I also seen pictures of them hanging out and being really close.
Yesterday I was thinking about the situation a lot. I was thinking about how my whole family was still hanging around him without many issues. I was thinking about how immediate family wasn’t telling other family and family friends what was really happening. I was thinking about how everyone was painting my sister as the victim and nobody cared to reach out to me. I was thinking about how other girls and maybe even kids could get affected. I was thinking about how I’m only 19 going through all of this. I got really angry with how I was being treated and made a rash decision to make a post on my Facebook saying “For my family deciding to hide the truth.. The fact you let your own daughter,sister and etc be sexually harassed by “family”and just move on and pretend nothing happened disgusting. The fact you can all hang out and pretend you're family with him is disgusting. To hardly believe me in the first place with proof is digusting. I'm done hiding the truth about everything that affects me in my life so people can look "good". This is not ok. Get mad at me for telling people? Maybe you should've cared about what I went through. Barely 18 getting harassed by an almost 30 yr old. I’m done being quiet about peoples behaviour (in general). It’s mentally and physically draining”.
After posting this I didn’t know whether to regret it or not. My aunty messaged me to say that he has to be around for the kids and that’s they need to for good parenting. I explained they weren’t hanging around just for his and even so is he good for the kids?. She ignored me. I then had my mum call me dozens of times but I ignored it. She messaged me to say that her, dad and my other sister don’t agree with what’s happening but I feel actions speak louder than words and that it’s almost hard to believe. My mum had also told me something I didn’t know which was that my sister messaged my ex when I first told her and probably to ask about the messages between him and my sisters fiancé I was angry about that because we had been broken up and no contact (still are) for at least a year and she knew everything I went through with him. My dad messaged me to see if I was ok maybe he is feeling the same as me I don’t know. A couple weeks ago he went to talk to my sister about being civil with me and to get along even with the situation going on so maybe my dad is on my side but again I don’t know and wish the actions were bigger than the words. After small texts back to them I decided to go to sleep.
Today I woke up to my sister telling me she’s cutting all ties with me altogether and we are basically no longer sisters etc she also said the same for my nephew (only 3 years old). she then went on to say how I was slandering my nephews father publicly on Facebook and that it wasn’t ok. She then went onto say that I didn’t have any real “proof” yes she used those marks. She said I will no longer be able to see my nephew again who’s only 3 btw. She then said “ if you think I’m going to allow him (nephew) around someone who is publicly bashing and slandering his father on Facebook, you have another thing coming. Felt like a threat tbh. I didn’t fully know what to think and I still don’t. I pretty much ignored and didn’t reply to the message all I said is she’s not getting an argument out of me. I told my friends what was happening they didn’t listen and nobody really is. I do have therapy but there’s so much other stuff I need to talk to my therapist about and a therapist can’t fix my whole family. So was I wrong for the post I made? What do I do?

Preface: this is not intended as a Chibnall bashing post, we've had enough of those. I'm not saying that there isn't a lot to bash, but I think S11-13 can be better served through slightly more verbose criticisms and comparisons.
Anyway, I am enjoying Series 14 a lot so far. I think, between the 2023 specials and the previous three episodes, we've had a brilliant and diverse mix of story structures knitted together by well-written and superbly-performed characters. Is it flawless? Absolutely not. Some of my specific issues so far relate to Ruby Sunday feeling a bit underexplored and that the 'big plot arcs / mysteries' are so overly telegraphed its a bit painful. Aside from those two criticisms, I must say I have no real issues with this direction so far. I think Doctor Who was dying for a kick up the arse following the reign of Chris Chibnall, and any bold direction (even a divisive one that contains fourth wall breaks, musical numbers, and potty humour) is a good one.
There is obviously no invalid way of viewing media, and everyone's opinions are equally worthwhile, but I think we ought to place the RTD2 Era in its appropriate context rather than constantly comparing it to 2005-2010. I know it is easy to do that, and an argument could be made that RTD should be held to his previous standards, but S14 is clearly a remedy to S11-13 rather than S1-4. I would even go as far as to say RTD's writings in some ways hasn't even changed and that a lot of the criticisms regarding Space Babies could be equally applied to New Earth, Partners In Crime, and other earlier stories. The Devil's Chord, on the flipside, feels like something never before seen in the show. It is a real breath of fresh air and something I can't imagine in the RTD1 Era.
Each era of the show has had its own problems but the Chibnall Era was so lacking in so many fundamental aspects that made S1-10 (and now 14) so watchable. To list them all would take too long but, among the worst offenders, are the fact none of the companions ever meaningfully challenge The Doctor, who is repeatedly upheld as a paragon of justice despite constantly doing immoral things; there's also the fact dialogue scenes are the opposite of dynamic, nobody talks over one another, and there is no life or energy to conversations, people just stand around listing off exposition or asking questions; most Chibnall Era stories lack either sub-text (meaning they are hollow, or have no themes) or text full-stop (meaning the stories are so painfully underbaked and just a conveyor belt to dish unformed opinions from). This era has its fans and nobody can tell them to not enjoy it, but S11-13 clearly dealt significant damage to the show's reputation and RTD had to come back in to steward it back up to what it once was. The S14 we are now watching, this zany and upbeat wack-a-thon filled with energy, vibrancy, and on-the-nose drama, is a direct response to how stilted, hollow, and emotionless S11-13 were. I think regardless of whether or not it is flawless, it should be compared to the most recent entries in the show's history rather than those from 15 years ago. A quick scour of episode discussion threads just reads like people have forgotten we've just had six years of some of the most banal dross on television.
As a final point, I'd just like to say I am so glad Doctor Who is back at a stage where we - as a fandom - can debate which is the 'best' episode of a season and not just have a really obvious pick (like Demons or Haunting) or have to settle for a 'least bad' choice.
TLDR: Series 14 should be best compared with S11-13, in terms of quality and the behind-the-scenes production principles, instead of S1-4.

hello all,
i will give more context later in the post, but for people who don't want to read all of that mess: what do you do about a pwBPD trying to break up your relationships/friendships because you "don't pay attention enough to them anymore"? my partner already recognizes the abuse so there's not really a risk of me getting broken up with, but i'm worried about the pwBPD reaching out to our mutual friends. i'm mostly afraid that our mutual friends are going to think i'm trying to control the narrative or cover something up or anything weird like that? which is kind of ironic because it's what she's doing already, i just don't want to be forced to get on her level lol. at this point im so done with this pwBPD i don't care what they think of me, just would really like to keep my other friends.
i'm thinking about just asking my friends something like: "hey if this friend (pwBPD) messages you trying to talk badly about me or my partner, can you let me know so i can talk to her some more? it's something we're trying to handle privately between us 3 but unfortunately we found out she's already talking about us behind our backs to other people so we would really appreciate it if you ignored it for now if it comes up. i'm so sorry about any stress this might cause you, please let me know if you want to talk more about it" or something along those lines. i don't want to give them too much information or anything out of respect of everyone's time and privacy but i wonder if giving more details would help? is this a good start or would you guys recommend saying something else?
more details, you don't really have to read past this point but it helps for background information & gets into detail of the abusive behaviors:
it's just such a huge mess i just wish i never met this person. she's trying to get my partner kicked out of their housing situation already, and turning their other school friends against them to the point where my partner might have to move back in with their parents. she was originally introduced to me by my partner and they had been best friends for a really long while so they cry to my partner every day like "how can you be dating someone that hates your best friend", demanding my partner come home from doing stuff with me to 'help' her with the stupidest stuff like going to a routine doctor visit (??) or fixing her laptop, etc. and she will throw fits and say stuff like "friends sometimes just have to do things they don't want to help their friends or even just make them happy for a little while" when all this person does is scream at my partner at this point. and then when i try to talk to her too so she leaves my partner alone (we were never really too close to start with) she just brings up our relationship and says stupid things like "so how's *that* working out for you" or asking really weird invasive sexual questions? it's part of the reason i'm scared to talk about it with friends - i'm worried if they ask me for proof of what this person is doing i'll have to show them all the awkward texts of her being weirdly sexual and i don't want my friends thinking about what me and my partner do in private haha 😅 it's almost like she o*nly *spews sexual-related abuse over text and then keeps the rest in-person or over the phone so we don't have any proof against her that wouldn't be extremely awkward. it's really sickening to me how quickly she turned on us when she has been stable / on medication / in therapy for so long. i almost wonder if she was interested in one or both of us romantically/sexually or something and us deciding to date put her over the edge... she seems really fixated on me specifically despite never making any real effort to talk to me 🤷‍♂️ besides occasionally sending me tiktoks, but she sends them to me on the tiktok app... which she knows i have had uninstalled for almost a year now? really confusing and frustrating person, she will also try to bait people into talking to her through vague facebook statuses and typical passive aggressive stuff like that, but never outright ask anyone besides my partner (her 'best friend') to hang out with her because she thinks everyone else hates her 🙄 i didn't hate her at first, but now it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy for her
my partner originally tried to reassure me that she wouldn't do anything like this but she's clearly already started, so we're trying to figure out what to do and i figured it would be best to ask here. thank you guys (sorry for formatting / english too, and how this got a little rant-y)

Men usually have to deal with other guys hitting on their girlfriends/wives and if they’re insecure about it they’re told to suck it up get over it because she chose you over them which most of the time is useless and not helpful. It is even expected as a man to deal with such men on almost a daily basis so we learn to deal with it and get over it. This advice mostly comes from women and sometimes guys themselves. But I can guarantee you that if the roles were reversed women would be just as insecure and jealous as men or even more.
Most guys don’t have random women hitting on them or following them on Instagram, texting them on WhatsApp or even talking to them so it’s a foreign concept to most women since they don’t have to deal with female orbiters and can’t relate to it. And there’s an easy way to prove it, women on Reddit and in real life get angry when their boyfriends just follow attractive women on Instagram, guys aren’t even talking to them just looking and that is enough to make women insecure. Now imagine if those women who he’s following initiated a conversation with him and started complimenting him, liking his pictures, and even sending him her number, or they are hitting on him right in front of you. Women would go crazy with insecurity and jealousy.
Just as an experiment, put your phones together on a table and look at WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook or even Tinder, open the messages and compare who’s getting more attention and conversations from the opposite gender, who’s liking who’s pictures more. You’ll notice that women’s social media is more busier than men’s. Now I ask you ladies, how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband was getting all that attention from other women?

CSS stands for Cascading Style Sheets, is a fundamental technology used in web development to control the presentation and layout of HTML documents. While HTML provides the structure of a webpage, CSS enhances its appearance by defining how HTML elements should be displayed on the screen, in print, or even as speech.
In order to understand the basic of CSS, we need to understand how it works. CSS works by selecting HTML elements using id, classess attributes or tags itself and applying styling rules to them. These rules dictate attributes such as color, size, font, spacing, and positioning. By separating content from presentation, CSS allows developers to create visually appealing and consistent designs across multiple web pages with ease.
CSS operates on a cascade principle, where multiple style rules can be applied to the same element, with specificity and order determining which rule takes precedence. This enables developers to efficiently manage styles across complex projects. CSS is one of the foundation in order to enhance the web development skills.
Over the years, CSS has evolved significantly, with new features and capabilities continually being added. CSS preprocessors like Sass and LESS have extended CSS’s functionality by introducing variables, mixins, and other programming constructs, making stylesheets more maintainable and scalable.
Furthermore, with the rise of responsive web design, CSS plays a crucial role in creating layouts that adapt to different screen sizes and devices, providing users with an optimal viewing experience across desktops, tablets, and smartphones.
Understanding of Cascading Style Sheet (CSS)

1. Selection of HTML Elements: CSS employs various selectors to target specific HTML elements or groups of elements. Selectors can be based on element type (e.g., for paragraphs), class (e.g., .header), ID (e.g., #main-content), or other attributes like data attributes or pseudo-classes (e.g., :hover for styling when the mouse is over an element). This flexibility allows developers to precisely target elements for styling.
2. Application of Styling Rules: Once an element is selected, CSS applies styling rules to it. These rules define how the element should appear and behave. CSS properties cover a wide range of design aspects, including:Color: Specifies the foreground and background colors.Size: Controls the dimensions of the element, such as width, height, padding, and margins.Font: Determines the typeface, size, style (e.g., bold, italic), and other text properties.Spacing: Manages the spacing between elements, including margins, padding, and borders.Positioning: Controls the placement of elements on the webpage, including static, relative, absolute, and fixed positioning.
3. Separation of Content and Presentation: One of the core principles of CSS is separating content from presentation. HTML defines the structure and content of a webpage, while CSS handles the presentation and layout. This separation allows developers to make changes to the design without altering the underlying content, making it easier to maintain and update websites.
4. Creating Visually Appealing Designs: CSS enables developers to unleash their creativity and design visually stunning websites. With CSS, developers can customize every aspect of the webpage’s appearance, from colors and typography to layout and animations. This flexibility empowers developers to create unique and engaging user experiences tailored to their audience.
5. Consistency Across Multiple Pages: By applying CSS rules consistently across multiple web pages, developers can ensure a cohesive and unified design language throughout the website. CSS allows developers to define styles once and apply them universally, saving time and effort while maintaining consistency across the site.

Properties of CSS
CSS properties are the building blocks that developers use to style HTML elements. These properties allow developers to control various aspects of an element’s appearance, layout, and behavior. Here are some commonly used CSS properties grouped by their functionalities:

1. Typography: This properties is used to control the various aspects of the text elements of HTML.font-family: Sets the font of the text.font-size: Sets the size of the text.font-weight: Specifies the thickness of the font.font-style: Defines the style of the font (e.g., italic).text-align: Aligns the text horizontally within its container.line-height: Sets the height of each line of text.
2. Color and Background: This properties is used to control the color of any HTML elements like < div >, < span >, < header > etc.color: Defines the color of the text.background-color: Sets the background color of an element.opacity: Specifies the transparency of an element.background-image: Sets an image as the background of an element.background-size: Defines the size of the background image.background-position: Specifies the starting position of the background image.
3. Layout: This properties is used to control the how the HTML elements will functions. For example, its display properties or height, or position etc.display: Defines how an element is displayed (e.g., block, inline, flex).width and height: Sets the width and height of an element.margin, padding, and border: Controls the spacing around and within an element.float: Positions an element to the left or right within its container.position: Specifies the positioning method of an element (e.g., static, relative, absolute, fixed).top, bottom, left, right: Sets the position of an element relative to its containing element.
4. Box Model: The box model is used to set the HTML elements in box like element by defining its height and width.box-sizing: Defines how the total width and height of an element are calculated.border-radius: Rounds the corners of an element’s border.box-shadow: Adds a shadow effect to an element.overflow: Specifies how content that overflows the element’s box is handled.
5. animation: Defines keyframe animations.transition: Specifies the transition effect for a CSS property.transform: Applies transformations (e.g., rotate, scale) to elements.

In summary, CSS is an indispensable tool for web developers, empowering them to transform HTML documents into visually appealing and functional web experiences. Understanding its principles and techniques is essential for anyone looking to create modern, professional-looking websites.
Read the Guide Here: https://leafyweb.com/home/project/brief-introduction-to-css/