“Are you ready?” Yasmin Raiz places a MASSIVE bowl of fried rice onto the table. “Hi everyone, it’s Yasmin Raiz, your Season 4 Mx Congeniality, and I’m here to host our REUNION of Season 5 of Chronologica’s Drag Race!” Yamin stands to welcome the monarchs. “Welcome back the lovely contestants of CDR Season 5! Madam Maine!”
Madam Maine re-wears her finale look: a top hat, fitted black and white suit and a pair of silver boots with a cane. She bows and smiles broadly, looking nervous.
“Kaia K. Beauvoir!”
Kaia strides out confidently in an elaborate gold and silver pageant dress, with silver hair that glitters with metallic extensions.
“Cwunchie!”
Cwunchie is dressed as a little yellow plastic flower, with big petals and a tiny narrow stem. Her arms and legs are constricted at her sides in the stem and she hops along the runway towards her chair, grinning wildly.
“Now, let’s welcome the elephant in the room.” Yasmin smiles. “Bates Baghdashi, everyone!”
Bates arrives in a sepia-painted Agatha-Christie-esque detective look, with decadent shades of tan, brown, and black, an oversized magnifying glass, a briefcase, and a messy mop of Sherlockian curls.
“Oh, I love this.” Yasmin claps.
Bates lights an oversized origami faux cigarette, pretends to smoke from it, then flicks it away, where it unfurls into a bird, already aflame, and blasts away into the air, powered by a miniature firework.
Madam Maine looks very afraid for a moment, and starts to stand up.
“Before we continue, I want to let everyone know that their safety is assured! You are not in danger.” Yasmin smiles at Maine. Bates blushes.
Maine sits back down.
“Say hello, it’s Mermaid princess, Cleo Mertoris!”
Cleo wears a golden seashell bikini top stoned to the gods, showcasing some clear, recent work done on her chest, as well as a tight blue mini dress, as she flicks back her long luscious ginger hair with a smirk.
“Drag Princesita!”
Princesita waves in a sepia coloured maxi dress and bald head look, with bronze glitter on the top of her now shaved head, as she spins around with a smile on her face.
“It’s Briar Midnights!”
Briar walks out dressed quite similar to Ambrose’s traditional look- a tophat and sleek black trench coat, with jet black, wet hair and a half-smirk.
“Ms Stripes, Starzanne!”
The others look unimpressed as Starzanne walks out in an American Eagle style look, with feathers, glitter and fringe wrapped around her body.
“Ambrose NOIR!”
Amborse wears a black plaid mini skirt and white linen shirt, going for a rare fem drag look, with long black braids with hundreds of little pins wrapped into the braids.
“S-S-e-v-e-r-a!”
Severa rocks BODY on the main stage, wearing a bikini top and denim short combo, as well as a sensible pair of blue boots and pigtails to add the final touch.
“Magenta! Leigh! Simmons!”
Magenta gaps, wearing a Magenta coloured plaid look, wrapped around her body to create a fitted garment, along with a Magenta pair of sneakers.
“Jupiter Sterling!”
Jupiter rocks a head to toe, douchebag Vuitton look- jacket, shirt, pants, glasses and a backwards baseball cap.
“Apocalyptica!”
Apocalyptica looks slightly displeased- wearing a bright, toxic green look that appears to have toxic slime wrapped around her, in a similar vein to a past look.
“Lupe LaBelleza!”
Lupe wears a sensible pussycat wig, red coat and matching pencil skirt, with a black sheer turtleneck and a red fedora, along with a pair of black sheer socks being held up by garter belts and classic black pumps with a smile.
“And our winner, Nymphe d’Azote!”
Wearing her crown on her shoulders, her head too small for her crown, Nymphe is dressed in a glittering yellow robe, wearing a matching facemask looking ready for a spa moment, along with a wig, made entirely of bubbles!
Yasmin smiles, handing people plates of rice. “Now, today we're spilling ALL of the TEA. At the start of our season, we said goodbye to some girls that some fans really wanted to see more of. Say hello to Madam Maine, Miss Kaia K. Beauvoir, and…”
“CWUNCHIE!!!!” Cwunchie interrupts happily.
Severa rolls her eyes.
Cleo rolls her eyes.
Kaia rolls her eyes.
Severa glares at Cleo.
Cleo glares at Kaia.
Kaia glares at Severa.
Yasmin smiles. “Madam Maine. Once and for all, can you tell us why you’re named after a state you’re not even from?”
“Oh! Haha.” Madam Maine laughs nervously, eyeing the cameras. “I really like Maine. I have a French Canadian aunt who lives up there.”
“French Canada? Is she related to French Montana?” Magenta asks.
“Oh…no.” Madam Maine smiles awkwardly.
“A lot of our viewers this season questioned whether you were totally ready for the Drag Race experience. What’s your take?”
“I will be honest. I wasn’t.” Maine flushes. “I don’t think that I totally understood the caliber of some of these performers, and…I was in such awe of them. I feel really lucky that I’ve gotten to know some of my castmates, including all the first outs before me. Jupiter and Princesita especially, I really feel have shown me love.”
“You’re a sweetheart, honey.” Princesita smiles. “I hope you get your chance to come back someday too.”
“Are we going to do that every few seasons? Because it’ll get old, QUICK.” Severa responds. “Twists are only twists if we don’t see them coming.”
“Agreed.” Kaia says.
Princesita frowns.
Yasmin looks at Kaia. “Kaia, you represented, I believe, our first instance of a child of Drag Race–that is, your drag mom, The Mother Delilah, competed on season 2.”
“That’s right.” Kaia nods, keeping one eye warily on Severa and Cleo. “As a trans woman, it was important to me to be part of a legacy of successful trans women.”
“Delilah was successful?” Severa half jests with a smirk. “I think there have been plenty of trans women on the show who were more successful.”
Lupe looks like she wants to say something, but doesn’t.
“Whatever, I’m proud to be a daughter of Miss Delilah regardless and even more proud of having a healthy and kind relationship with the woman who inspired my craft.” Kaia says haughtily. “Not all of us can say that after all.”
“Ooooooooo…” the room roars.
Severa makes a displeased face and shrugs.
“One question about your time on the show, Kaia.” Yasmin looks around. “Why do you, in particular, think you ended up going home so early? A lot of fans were very surprised.”
“I think it’s quite obvious that Cleo’s leadership in that challenge was disastrous for me and everyone else on it. I’d assume that Cleo’s current appearance reflects how people received her during this season.”
“You mean my gorgeous knockers?” Cleo shimmies.
“I mean, your cheap bra and panty set.” Kaia snaps. “And-”
“You’re so smug.” Cleo interrupts. “As if you have anything to be smug about. Not with that mug, you don’t, mate.”
“At least I can still afford my makeup.” Kaia shoots back.
Cleo huffs and crosses her arms.
“Cwunchie! You were a force of nature for a short time with us this season.” Yasmin looks nervous to even speak to Cwunchie.
“WOOOOOOHOOOOO!” Cwunchie yells. “This show did NOT disappoint! I–”
It then cuts to an ad break.
~
“Welcome back to the Chronologica’s Drag Race Season 5 Reunion! Onto, the infamous, Bates!” Yasmin smiles. “You had one of the most DRAMATIC moments, ever in history. Let’s look back.”
Bates grins as the cast turns to watch the TV screen.
~
Will the following-
Wait.
Everyone looks concerned. For a moment, the stage is perfectly still, as the judges and racers wait with uncertainty.
In the distance, sirens are heard. The sirens get closer. And closer.
Suddenly, a group of police officers in full riot gear burst into the room through a production door. Crew members and producers look shocked and frantic. The police officers are led by a stern-faced man with a badge that reads "Officer Jeffery," who steps forward, his hand gripping a pair of handcuffs.
What?
Office Jeffrey points directly towards the racers. Everyone looks to see who he’s pointing at.
Bates stares back at the officer expressionless, blood still dripping from their look.
"Mahdi Hakimian?” The police officers crowd onto the stage towards Bates.
“Oh my god.” Magenta gasps.
Princesita starts to say something, and Jupiter reaches over to cover Princesita’s mouth.
“Yes.” Bates gulps.
Officer Jeffery reaches towards Bates. “Turn around and place your hands behind your back.”
Bates stands silently, his face expressionless.
“I am placing you under arrest in connection with the murders of Javad Tahmasb, Hamidreza Entezami, Mohamad Askari, Mostafa Shahi, Ali Reza Arjmand, Arman Nousari, Elahe Nousari, Setareh Tarokh, and Mohammed Tarokh."
Magenta falls to the ground in her bra and panty set, as everyone looks in stunned silence.
Bates slowly raises their hands as the police officers move closer, handcuffing them.
Everyone looks in disbelief. The judges look shocked and horrified.
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”
Bates looks at Apocalyptica, still expressionless, and speaks softly. “Christian…I’m sorry.”
“You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights?”
Bates gives a nearly imperceptible nod.
Apocalyptica’s eyes well with tears. “Batesy?”
~
“Traumatic.” Apocalyptica looks at Bates, who exhales.
“To explain this….” Yasmin looks over. “Rachelle Mirage!”
Rachelle walks in with a smile.
“You two have worked hard together- tell us, what happened?!”
“I am, as we’d all know, originally from Iran. And- I knew it was a risk.” Bates exhales. “And they found out, and tried to have me extradited back from the US, for an alleged murder.”
“You killed someone?” Magenta gasps.
“A set up. Some of my former schoolmates had reported to the government that I had been cast here. So they falsified police records to make it look like I had done something which… was just because I, a Queer person, was representing the country in a way that didn’t match their… image.” Bates nods.
“Then comes… me.” Rachelle grins. “I could not let this happen.”
“Thank you, Rachelle.” Bates smiles.
“I felt something was off. And, I served as a character witness in the International Criminal Court, where… Eventually, after little evidence, we were able to not only have this gorgeous artist freed- but, I pulled some strings…”
“And I am now living in Denver.” Bates responds, holding Apocalyptica’s hand.
“What a shocking story.” Yasmin smiles. “And Apocalyptica, I must ask- are you two…?”
“We live literally across the street from each other.” Apocalyptica smiles.
The two grin.
“Now next up! She was one of our famous RETURNEES- Ms Cleo Mertoris, who won her first challenge- then proceeded to go home. Cleo, how did you feel about your journey?”
“I think… I should’ve gone much further than I did, to be honest.” Cleo shrugs.
“Girl...” Severa stares at Cleo for a few seconds. “You deserve exactly what you got- because you weren’t talented enough to survive a lipsync.”
“Not Miss ‘Double Sashay’ talking.” Cleo gasps. “At least I could pay for my tits myself, and not resort to sugar daddies huh Sevvie… Fucking bitch!” In a flash, Cleo, angrily standing, throws her drink onto Severa, who yelps.
In a flash, Yasmin tries to pull Cleo away from Severa, but Cleo does her best to claw at Severa.
“The fuck?” Jupiter yells.
“Don’t fucking call me Sevvie ever again!” Severa yells, scrubbing at her ruined dress and crying while subtly drinking the cocktail on her face.
“I’ll call you whatever I fucking want! Coming for my fucking gig!” Cleo shrieks.
“Let’s stop this-” Yasmin raises her hand.
Cleo spits at Severa. “Fuck you, fucking whore. You only transitioned to copy me! I MADE YOU! I-”
“WE’RE GOING TO ANOTHER BREAK!” Yasmin yells.
~
Severa tries to shake cocktail out of her wet wig.
Lupe covers her mouth with one hand. Kaia is laughing.
Nymphe suddenly stands and aggressively wrings out Severa’s wig, as Severa winces.
“Well!” Yasmin says sharply. “Are you okay, Severa?”
“I’m fine.” Severa huffs, bent over as Nymphe wrings her wig out. “I started my transition because, since the season aired, I came to terms with a lot about myself. Including how some of my behavior on the season was…rash. I’ve definitely been hiding from this moment. And Cleo has nothing to do with it.”
Lupe apologetically speaks up. “Pienso que, Severa, that Cleo might just be jealous of you.”
“You know it, mami.” Severa sighs. “I also really want to express some sincere apologies to you.”
Lupe looks startled.
“I think that with our time on the show, I was often jealous of you. Unlike me, or Cleo, or Kaia, you have been confidently living in your womanhood for a long time. I’ve followed you for a long time…and I fucked up.” Severa nods. “I am sorry.”
“I accept your apology, darling.” Lupe smiles. “It’s all I ever needed.”
“Now, these two were our OTHER, non finalist returnees, and both have… wild journeys.” Yasmin smiles.
“Non finalist.” Princesita frowns.
“You did good, Mami.” Lupe smiles. “I know it was hard…”
“I lip synced- a lot.” Princesita nods. “And it was hard.” Princesita begins to tear up. “Because, I believed I could do better, you know?”
Magenta holds Princesita’s hand.
“But- you must keep going. You can never push yourself too far, and maybe this wasn’t my journey. I think… I think I've accepted that now.” Princesita sighs.
“Regardless of how it ends, know that you should be proud of yourself, girl.” Kaia shrugs. “Like, we can’t all win.”
“Like me.” Starzanne jokes.
Nobody laughs.
“Well, turning to you, Starzanne, you had a controversial moment this season, in your makeover moment….” Starzanne turns. “How did it feel, watching it back?”
“I feel bad.” Starzanne closes her eyes. “And… I’m learning, I’m working on what I know, how to do it better, how to…” Starzanne sighs. “Do more than what I did, and truly, I feel shame.”
“I kinda think it’s bullshit.” Severa looks at Starzanne. “Because I think you knew better.”
Ambrose and Briar nod in agreement.
“HOWEVER…” Severa shrugs. “Good for you.”
Starzanne pouts, before nodding. “I aim to really deliver, I p-promise.”
The others look uncertain.
Bates sighs. “As the Middle Eastern refugee here, I can’t speak for Mohammed, who it’s obvious you really hurt and mistreated…and I hope he never has to see or work with you again. Because I hope you do learn, Starzanne. But also know the work is on you, not people of color.”
Severa gulps.
“Moving onto a power couple, or power ex-couple, this season. Briar and Ambrose…”
Jupiter woofs.
“How are we going since the season?” Yasmin asks.
“We’ve reconciled.” Ambrose looks at Briar with a knowing glance.
“I think both of us felt intense pressure this season.” Briar nods. “We both wanted to exist separate, but were so intrinsically tied to each other…”
“Ultimately I did think it led to our failure.” Ambrose sighs. “And- that’s fair, because it was a lesson to learn.”
“The lesson, being?”
“We are powerful- together.” Ambrose smiles, holding hands. “But, we believe it’s important to make space.”
“So, where does that mean for you now?” Yasmin asks. “The both of you.”
The two look at each other.
“We’re creating space, yet, collaborating.” Ambrose nods. “And-”
“They’re fucking again, BUT not doing duo gigs. Only attending gigs together.” Magenta chuckles.
Everyone gasps.
“Well… true.” Briar shrugs.
“Now, finally- the shocking moment… right before the semi final.” Yasmin nods. “Let’s look.”
~
I’ve made my decision.
Jupiter Sterling, Shantay you stay.
“Thank you.” Jupiter exhales. “Thank you.”
Severa closes her eyes, whispering to herself. “Severa, shantay…”
Severa and Magenta Leigh Simmons…
The others look on.
Thank you for being here, and doing great work this season. Now, I must say… sashay away.
“Damn!” Magenta yells, as Chronologica chuckles.
Everyone in the back of the stage look flabbergasted.
“No, thank you for this.” Magenta bows.
Severa looks at the judges for a split second, before walking off without a word.
“...Damn!” Magenta says again, as the others laugh. “I’m strutting off with GRACE.”
Magenta raises her hands in the air, as she walks off with a cheer.
~
“First, you- Severa, how are you feeling with time?” Yasmin asks.
“I feel as if that’s a different girl. Kinda. She’s thinking she’s giving nothing, not caring- but she cares too much, she’s lost that war. I think of myself as effortlessly fierce- but I did get stressed. I wish I… walked off and stomped the stage.” Severa sighs. “Instead of that.”
“And that’s okay, because we all- get there, sometimes.” Princesita says. “It’s about what you do next.”
“I’m going to win, girl.” Severa jokes. “They gotta make another All Stars so this diva can take the title.”
Everyone chuckles.
“Magenta, how did you feel, about being the other half?”
“I am happy, because if I’m being damn honest, I didn’t expect to make it this far!” Magenta laughs. “And I was me the whole damn time.”
“I love you for being you.” Jupiter adds. “You’re real, Ms Simmons. We honor that.”
“And not everyone can say that.” Nymphe smirks.
Apocalyptica grips Bates' hands.
“Now, it’s time for us to celebrate… some titles.” Yasmin smiles. “First, our GOLD BOOT title of the Season- ugliest outfit. Winner of a $5000 grand prize….”
…
Starzanne Stripes and September Remembers arrive in what else, but red, white, and blue. September looks patchy- his face is painted red, white and blue, in an attempt to cover his beard. Starzanne and September are both wearing fringe dresses that look straight out of a car wash, and it’s the epitome of… awkward.
“Starzanne!”
Starzanne chuckles, grabbing the trophy.
“Anything to say, Starzanne?”
“I am now wearing a lot LESS red, white and blue.” Starzanne nods.
The others awkwardly chuckle.
“Now, our title of SHADE- The Shadiest C.U.N.T this season.” Yasmin smiles. “Can I have a drumroll?”
“Cleo?” Severa looks over at the empty seat laughing.
“SEVERA!” Yasmin cheers. “Condragulations, you’ve won $10,000!”
Severa chuckles, grabbing the sash. “Thank you,I’d like to thank Cleo, Alcohol, and the rest of you for being too boring to get confessionals!”
Lupe laughs dramatically.
“I’d say I’m surprised, but I’m not!”
Everyone laughs.
….
“Finally, MY successor.” Yasmin smiles. “This year, the Congenial title will win $20,000, sponsored by Virtue Beauty.”
Everyone looks excitedly.
“The Winner is… MAGENTA LEIGH SIMMONS!” Yasmin cheers, as everyone starts clapping.
“Yes, yes!” Magenta cheers, as Yasmin puts the sash on her.
“Do you have anything to say, my Queen?”
“I-” Magenta smiles. “Damn.”
Everyone cheers.
“She’s finally out of things to say everybody!” Kaia laughs.
“Ugh…” Apocalyptica whimpers, wiping her eyes, as the others look over.
“Popsicle, are you okay?” Lupe asks.
“I’m- I’m fine.” Apocalyptica sighs. “I just- am really happy for Magenta.”
Magenta smiles.
“Bullshit.” Nymphe looks over.
The room is quiet.
“You expected this win, and again, you’re inauthentic, you’re lying, and you’re not owning up to when you want something.” Nymphe responds.
“I-” Apocalyptica tears up, holding onto Bates. “I-”
“I do have a question to ask, actually, as the crowned Ms SHADE.” Severa smirks. “Ms, Popsicle- we noticed your lack of presence at the crowning. You weren’t at any of the cast parties we held to celebrate or any of the events we planned, so what’s really up?”
Nymphe looks over.
“What happened?”
“I didn’t feel up to it. I was a bit sad, and I really did want to be there- but I-I felt physically ill, and…”
“Bullshit, again.” Severa rolls her eyes.
“Alright, you guys can have your opinions on everyone’s actions, but we don’t need to gang up on her.” Bates says, raising their voice a little..
“I don’t know what any of you mean…” Apocalyptica sighs. “I just-”
“You wanted to win, so you’re bitter. You kept denying it- but clearly, you positioned yourself in a way to do well. And you lost. So, why not own up to it?” Nymphe asks.
“Ugh, Can you go fuck yourself?” Apocalyptica snaps.
“Woah.” Magenta says.
Everyone looks spooked.
“Popsicle… You don’t have to acknowledge them…” Bates whispers.
“Of course I wanted to win.” Apocalyptica exclaims loudly. “I wanted to prove alt drag, to prove myself, and I don’t think that trying to be nice while doing so is a sin. ” Apocalyptica says. “LIKE-”
“Because you weren’t being real.” Severa looks at Apocalyptica. “Not the sweet girl who always happens to copy others.”
“I- You can think whatever you want. I…Actually I’m not going to continue to engage with this narrative.” Apocalyptica stutters as she turns to hold onto Bates.
“If you owned being unoriginal, maybe you’d have won.” Nymphe shrugs.
“Okay hold up- I’m mad she didn’t show up to our get togethers either but unoriginal?” Kaia inserts herself into the conversation. “We all get inspired and learn and take notes from others, like that’s the point of drag families, Delilah taught me so much, does that make me unoriginal? Have none of us ever felt inspired after seeing a good drag show or look?”
“I learned a lot from everyone in my short time here, my drag has changed a lot from all of you.” Madame Maine smiles.
“Girl, there’s a difference between being inspired and trying to steal my signature move the week after I leave.” Severa turns back at Kaia and Madame Maine.
“And were you the first to ever do that move? You came up with it with absolutely no influence from anyone else.” Apocalyptica bites.
“I don’t remember getting any credit or even a shoutout.” Severa stares at Popsicle.
“Do you give credits to who helped teach you how to dip every time you do it?” Apocalyptica retorts. “Whatever, i'm just so over this conversation.”
“Cool.” Nymphe bluntly states.
Apocalyptica rolls her eyes. “Cool.”
A couple of seconds pass of silence.
“Well, thank you all for a lovely season.” Yasmin smiles breaking the tension. “Now, before we go… Here's a sneak peak of SEASON 6 of Chronlogica’s DRAG RACE, coming soon!”
~
This has been… magic.
“It sure has.” Nymphe nods, sipping her pink tea. “But the magic… lives on and continues, as does the journey of the forest. It is… eternal.”
It's magic, you know…
Thirteen figures flash, as someone grabs a potion labeled ‘IMMUNITY’.

“Anybody any good at what they do, that’s what they are, right? You gotta jack, I gotta tussle.”

Molly Millions

Molly Millions is a street samurai, a heavily augmented woman willing to perform almost any kind of job for money and the sheer thrill of it. Throughout her time wandering the cities of Earth, Molly has taken up or been forced into a whole variety of odd jobs, from protecting a data courier from a yakuza assassin, to helping to hack into an AI on a space station, to being blackmailed into helping with the abduction of a world famous Sim star. Molly is described as a woman with short dark hair and black leather, as well as mirrored shades enclosing her eyes. She is noted to be truly happiest when she is in a life or death struggle, and will not hesitate to kill an enemy (and depending on who that enemy is, she might enjoy hurting them in the process). That said she's not without a more caring side, even it's buried all of the metal.
Index

• Johnny Mnemonic: A short story and her first appearance
  
• Neuromancer: Takes place an undisclosed number of years after Johnny Mnemonic
  
• Mona Lisa Overdrive: Takes place about fifteen years after Neuromancer.
  
  • Note that for most of the book Molly goes by the alias of Sally Shears, but it's explicitly the same person

Fletchette Pistol

General

• Gun
  
  • Can fire at 20 rounds a second
    
    • Gun can be dialed to single shot and full auto
  • A shot from the gun makes no more sound than a cigarette lighter
    
  • Can be kept in her jacket pocket, with the person traveling with her not even realizing she had been carrying it
    
• Darts
  
  • Darts are implied to move at supersonic speed
  • Darts are microscopic and capable of drilling through a person's eye
  • Able to switch between different magazines for different types of darts
  • Has a type of fletchette that detonates immediately if it strikes something hard, or after ten seconds if it strikes something soft (such as a person's body)

Explosive Rounds

• A single dart kills a man and produces a large blood splatter with a shot to the throat, causing the man's body to fall back on and collapse a steel catwalk suffering metal fatigue (though it had been noted how rickity and fragile this catwalk was)
  
• A single shot removes most of a man's middle finger and sends shards of rock flying past Case despite him being about 10 meters away
  
• Stuns a man by detonating a fletchette 18 centimeters from his skull
  
• Erases a man's face with a cloud of microscopic explosions, before he can stab Case
  
• Creates three quick explosions
  
• A series of explosive rounds to the head and torso leave no remains of a corpse
  

Poison Rounds

• Puts a dart through Ashpool's eye, killing him almost immediatly beyond the ability of a resurrection crew to save him, with the dart being described as shellfish toxin
  
• Knocks out Pophyre in seconds with a single dart, despite Porphyre being noted as a very large and strong man.
  
  • She however states he'd wake up soon, and a few minutes later assumes he's already awake, albeit unable to move for about 15 minutes
• Drugs Riviera with a toxin-fletchette
  
• States she has a dart that can give a person cancer several months after being shot
  

Augmentations

Finger Blades

• General
  
  • Has a steel blade hidden under each of her finger nails, described as double edged, four centimeter blades
  • Has a fair amount of control over how much they move
• On Humans
  
  • Slices a man's tendon on his arm with a single finger
  • Kills a man off page, covering her hands in blood
  • Potentially removes a man's eyes
  • Implied to have badly torn up both a woman and a man
• Other
  
  • Slices the lapel off a jacket without even rumpling the fabric
  • Spears a slab of herring with her index finger
  • Slices through a plastic sheet
  • Cuts right through her polycarbon suit

Eyes:

• Molly has mirrored lenses surgically inlayed over her eyes made of low temp isotropic carbons
  
  • Case notes that the lenses do nothing to block sunlight, with him speculating that her built in amps might compensate automatically
• Has microchannel image-amps that let her see in the dark by converting photons into a pulse of electrons, with the switch for it being in her teeth
  
  • Lets her see up an extremely long and dark stairwell
  • Clearly sees the actions of a man even after his flashlight is turned off
  • Drives a hovercraft through a combat zone without any lights on
• Has a readout chip on her optic nerve to display the time directly on to said nerve in her left peripheral field
  
  • Others can hack the display to show her text messages, even more complex messages

Misc

• Had her nervous system jacked to increase her reflexes
  
• Has a broadcast rig implanted that allows Case in the matrix to see out of her eyes and experiences all of her senses (though the connection is only one way)
  
  • Has a scrambler attached that partially distorts her vision
  • Case also feels any pain she experiences
  • This works even if she's unconcious
• Used to have a cut-out-chip that let others program her body to do whatever they wanted while she had no conscious memory of it, though her other implants interfered with it somewhat
  
• Her tear ducts are rerouted to her mouth, forcing her to spit instead of cry
  

Physicals

Strength

• Sends a man flying through a cheap door and into the opposite wall, with it being implied she threw him
  
• Causes a man to double over with a blow to the solar plexus, and then knocks him out by slamming his head against a wall
  
• Kicks a small display unit into a wall
  
• Disables a thief with a kick to the knee, causing him to collapse
  

Speed

• Reactions
  
  • Case watching the world through her eyes compares it to a tape played at half speed. She throws a grenade before a diving man can break the water, turns to fire several rounds into Ashpool, and then turns the gun towards 3Jane just as the grenade detonates
  • Dodges a monomolecular wire from an assassin. Said assassin could slice a man in three before anyone could react (or any blood could spill), and dodge a point blank blast from a hidden 12 gauge shotgun
  • Casually dodges a swipe from a man, cuts his tendon, and steels an item from his grip without anyone realizing
  • Lowers her gun before Case has time to realize that what he's seeing is a recording
  • Dodges through traffic, pulling Kumiko out of the way of a car and kicking it as it goes by
• Movement
  
  • Her finger moves like a blur to slice a man's jacket
  • Crosses a room in three strides and quickly grabs Mona
  • Kicks a thief and steals the bag he's holding before he can hit the ground
  • Case is shocked by how fast she can move, with her cutting through a plastic sheet and moving through it before he could even process that it had been cut
  • Has Case at her mercy before he can process it, with him feeling like she had attacked him before he had even gotten her door open
  • Goes down a rope like a squirrel, barely even seeming to touch it

Durability

• Has her leg broken in a fight against three security guards that breaks a fiberglass shockstave, and continues on with the mission
  
• Hit by a neural disruptor that causes her to lose all control of herself and slam her head against a door. This knocks the wind out of her, but she slowly gets up soon after
  
• Has a glass slammed hard into her left lens while she's already in bad shape, smashing one of said lenses. This knocks her unconscious, but she has no concussion or permanent damage
  
• Survived an opponent splitting her torso open during a prize fight, leaving a huge scare along her chest
  

Combat Skill

• Maneuvers around a shifting floor while engaging an assassin, resulting in him cutting his own hand off with his own weapon. Though she later states her win was more luck than anything
  
• Takes out a security guard off screen who was wielding nunchucks, with someone describing her as cutting them
  
• Takes on and defeats three security guards at once, though has her leg broken in the process. Case assumes that they had been killed
  
• Subdues Peter Riviera, despite him creating powerful illusions with his implants to throw off attackers, with her stating she had him in her sights the moment he stepped out of the door
  
• Tells Riviera she can hurt him really badly without killing him, and would enjoy doing so
  
• Acted as a prize fighter in the augmented featherweight division for several bloody matches
  
• Disables a thief with a kick to the knee and pivots to retrieve the bag he stole before he can hit the ground, with Kimiko comparing her to a boxer
  
• Mona observes that while Molly isn't that strong, she knows exactly how to throw weight around
  

Other Equipment

Polycarbon Suit

• Possesses a polycarbon suit that is capable of changing its coloration to camouflage with whatever is around it
  
• A man uses the same type of suit seemingly vanishes against a wall
  
• The arms and knees of the suit change to match the girders she's suspended against
  
• Camouflages herself against a steel wall
  
• Camouflages itself with the ground even after she cuts it off her body
  
• [Limit] These types of suits are unable to fully handle overly complex imagery behind them
  

Other Weapons and Armor

• Throws a grenade described as a core of high explosives surrounded by 10 meters of brittle steel wire
  
• Wears a pullover Case suspects is bulletproof
  
• Wears what Mona suspects is armor (though Mona is admittedly not the most reliable narrator due to not understanding much)
  

Chemicals

• Injects herself with endorphins to counteract the pain of a broken leg, with Case noting she could walk on bloody stumps with enough of them in her system
  
• Places a derm on a man's neck to keep him unconcious
  
• Poisons Riviera's drugs with a chemical that causes conditions like Parkinsons, causing him to lose all control of his muscles
  

Misc

• Has various pieces of equipment to secure a room
  
• Uses a blackbox to hack into an elevator
  
• Carries around several lockpicks, and uses one pick open an old door without even looking
  
• Covers Angie's seatbelt in a kind of green plastic to keep her in place
  

Misc

Physical

• Described as having the body of a gymnast
  
• When passing through a crowd it seems like she's constantly about to collide with someone, only for them to melt out of the way at the last moment
  
• Even while injured and packing a bag, doesn't make any wasted motions
  

Skills

• Implied to have performed the surgery on Johnny to change his face
  
• Able to fieldstrip her fletchette pistol without even having to look at it
  
• Intimidates multiple cab drivers
  
• Does something to Prior to cause him a lot of pain and make him give up information
  
• Bypasses the console of a helicopter to allow her to fly it
  
• Negotiates with AI to erase her past in exchange for getting Angie Mitchell together with the Aleph
  

Other

• Purposefully travels in an extremely confusing way through London in order to ensure she isn't followed, just because she enjoys doing so
  
• Has several different identities and passports
  

"Wanna be my fucking self for a change"

No advertising allowed, so no links in discussion.
I've been a guard for about a year now, and I'm slowly building a collection of gadgets that I really like. I want to share, get feedback, and know what gadgets you're using for uniform and car.
Magnetic tipped USB cables. At first, I hated them. I learned you got to keep them clean with a fine toothed tweezer. Now I love them. I can charge all of my stuff off of a portable battery or in my car, and if I need to quickly grab something, the cables harmlessly break away. I.e. they're fast, and protect your charging ports.
Hot/Cold bag. I got a big thermal bag from a grocery store and was surprised to see that they actually work really well. I used a few 2L soft drink bottles that were half filled with ice. Still had ice three days later. The interior was cool enough I could trust it to keep my sandwich ready to eat. Rather than mylar, this one used a thin layer of foam. I like the fact that bags are collapsible so I can stuff one anywhere.
Carabiner clips. I keep a bunch around for 'whatever' because you'll always find a use. Right now, most of mine are helping with cable management because I have 6 USB cables in the car. This lets me pull them through without snagging.
Zip ties: From upper handles to sun visor clips and AC vents, there's a lot of points to create a loop in your car. With zip ties and clips, you can have a lot of places to attach equipment and it will all be fast grab and pretty organized.
My flashlight is zip tied to a swiveling magnet, and I have another magnet zip tied to my sun visor and another in my pocket. The result is a magnetic flash light. No holster needed. It's a slightly less secure solution, but convenient.
Second phone: I do documentation and patrol navigation on one phone, and keep a work app open on my other phone. Having two means much less app switching, better focus, faster interactions. Solid investment. Even a shitty phone will work well as a secondary device for something like maps.
USB charging dock: I have a lot of devices to keep charged, so I got a cigarette adaptor unit that has 6 lines out just for charging purposes.
nano tape: I love this stuff. It's re-usable if you clean it, and it's like a strong holding tape that won't mess up plastic surfaces. I use it in my car to mount stuff like my charging dock into an area of the interior that's out of the way.
Binder clips: Before I had a zippered high visibility vest, it was always blowing open. I'd clip my vest to my coat. Binder clips are great for cable management, and clipping stuff to different parts of uniform or car. E.g. AC vents. I can clip them onto my visors after making zip tie loops on the visors.
Spray bottle + isopropyl alcohol: I use this mostly for sanitation. I want to wash my hands before eating, but I'm a guard. I'm usually away from running water and soap. It's also an effective de-icer in the winter.
Grabby stick: You might have have seen a wheelchair bound person use these to grab a can in the grocery store. I use them when I'm cleaning up a site so that I don't have to touch with my hands. Of course, a box of gloves is also an essential investment.
Flip down shades for your prescription glasses. Life saver.
brush head (just the head part from a cheap broom set. Excellent for cleaning the car)
High vis security vest (Get one with a zipper and D-rings to accommodate a few pieces of equipment. A lot of employers just pass out cheap velcro vests... You'll grow to hate that type.)
wired headset: Just a cheap unit with a boom mic. I do a lot of voice to text dictation and this is better than relying on your phones built in microphone.
​
Light bars: These make you look like serious business if you leave them on while guarding a site. I've seen guards that don't even turn on their headlights. From a distance though, even headlights don't look like security. A magnetic sign on the side won't stand out, but a light show stands out really well.
Body cam: Fiddling with a phone to record something is way too slow and cumbersome. It's nice to be able to tap a button and know that you're getting a video with audio that shows that any interaction is being done professionally without breaking any rules. People will claim you're the devil. This protects you from lawsuits and headaches. A quick recording is handy for those instances when you have less than five seconds to call out a license place for later transcription. That's not happening with your phone.
Radio: I always work alone, most of us do, but a radio makes it look like you're not. Radios are rare, but you might occasionally interface with someone else that can communicate quick/easy that way.
security badge: Drop a few bucks, look like you have a small amount of authority. People might be more cooperative with requests.
Inverter: Lets you run small appliances in the field. I use a 5G home internet router so that my phones have fast and unmetered data. Sometimes I take my laptop into the field so I can do mobile computing. I know one guy who makes coffee. Some day, I'll upgrade my inverter and get a second battery with an isolator so that I can run a toaster oven for cooking.
Headrest hooks: Really convenient for kitting out your car with other equipment. One of my headrests has a bungee cord going around it which mounts paper towels. I also have ziptie loops on my headrests so I can hook in equipment.
Rain guards: Lets you crack windows without letting the rain in. I'm always cracked so I can hear better.
Cigarettes: Keep up to 1 mo. Handy de-escalation tool. Invite someone to have a smoke... over there, that way.
Tool box: I got a cheap plastic tool box that I load up with actual silverware and a few tools. Beats plastic cutlery.
Kevlar shoelaces
Dash board sticky stiction pad: Keeps your sunglasses and stuff in place.
Backpack. I only ever needed it once, but it was nice being able to carry my gear a mile that way, away from everything, no multiple trips needed.
USB battery bank: Keep your phones going without needing to recharge at a wall or car.
jumper cables. Eventually you or a coworker will drain a battery and need a jump.
Melatonin and zzzquil: Sleep hygeine.
Magnetic security decal: Helps your car act as a deterrent as well as showing police that you're you.
panoramic rear view mirror: See way more. Better driving, better observation.
phone mounts: Try everything. I like magnetic vent clips, but that's what works well for my cabin layout. Having your phone held is huge for navigation.
car ceiling cargo net
conspicuity tape: I'm amazed more guards don't have this on their cars. It really works to not only make you stand out, but make your vehicle look like it shouldn't be tailgated too closely.
USB on the go adaptor or hub: Lets you plug a keyboard and mouse for your phone.
Lock lubricant. Both graphite and WD40 aren't suitable for outdoor locks. Do some internet sleuthing and you'll see people saying, "My locksmith only uses ...." and that's what you buy. My company deals with dozens of padlocks and lube is really helpful to have.
Toilet paper: Stop using whatever it in the portapotties, it sucks.

The Days in Our Millennia
Stories of the Scions
Aftershocks
1
Astral Frieght stood on the ledge of a building in Shibuya. He inhaled one of his cheap cigarettes and then let it burn down a bit. He absorbed the sights and sounds, the sirens, the loud shoppers and louder car engines. He watched the trains fly by barely making a sound as they went. He was happy for the briefest time back in the realism he grew up in, even if they were just an illusion on the far edge of his Verge. Like most Scions he had long outlived his core reality’s existence and all that remained of it were his memories and his now immortal and time locked family.
“Daaaad!” A young boy called out. “The guy in red is here again!”
Astral sighed as he stepped off the roof and spread his wings. He flew in real time to his home, far closer to the center of the Verge. The Verge existed as a plane of reality untouched by the laws of reality, each section answering only to their master’s commands. Some were bountiful endless swaths of nature, some were desolate wastelands, and at least one had been made into an endless battlefield and production warehouse. Astral maintained his as a mostly flat plan save for two areas, his home which was a mirror of the home he once had and the perfect replica of Japan in his world around the year 2008 C.E. that he kept at the far end. Astral landed and his wings collapsed back into his shoulder blades and once again became little more than a large tattoo.
Astral walked through the backdoor and saw his young son, Takeru glaring up at his Scionic opposite. He walked up to his colleague and ruffled his son’s hair.
“It’s all right kid.” Astral smiled down. “P’s here for a reason, right?”
Perfection, the Scion of Chaos gave a grin filled with razor sharp teeth, but radiated no malice. He was clearly in a good mood. He nodded and chuckled before he chose to speak.
“We have a full on meeting. All hands on deck!” Perfection giggled, “I think Destiny finally figured out her plan.”
Astral blinked, the Scions had been laying low while they figured out the plans of a former member of their ranks. The former Scion of Evil had manipulated events to wrench her soul free of its connection to her powers and position as a Scion. Her former underling, Consumption, took her place and had been far more agreeable. Astral had actually lost track of how much time had passed.
“I know, it’s amazing and I get to gloat about all I found!” Perfection cackled as another smaller form plowed into his legs.
“UNCLE P!” Astral’s daughter, Ren, grabbed at Perfection’s leg. She seemed only a few years older than her brother and delighted at his presence.
“Well hello there Renny.” Perfection laughed and produced a candy bar for the girl. “Best chocolate from an unknown reality.”
“Chocolate!” Ren grabbed the bar and ran off.
“Ren...” Astral called out to his daughter.
“Thank you!” Ren shouted back.
“Your kids are so adorable...” Perfection handed another bar to Takeru.
The young boy looked up for approval from his father. Astral nodded.
“Thank you.” Takeru took it gently and went to follow his sister.
“How long...” Astral shook his head.
“Only a few hundred years.” Perfection smirked, “You know for possessing the concept of time you are shit at tracking it.”
“Yeah, and I’m still a nicotine addict.” Astral sighed and gestured for Perfection to lead on.
“Not gonna tell the wifey you’re going?” Perfection arched an eyebrow.
“Do we actually want to leave this millennium?” Astral snorted, “Love that woman, but she will take forever and give me a list of things to do.”
Perfection snorted and opened the door. The two walked into the center of the Verge, a place called the Dais Room, or simply the Dais. Despite entering from the same door, the two approached from opposite halls. Each approached their chair and sat in it. For Astral it was a simple and comfortable wooden chair with a solid back but padded back. Perfection had chosen to steal a Throne of Swords for this particular meeting, his pranks were not likely to stop anytime soon. They sat opposite each other as Astral was Order to Perfection’s Chaos. Despite this the two got along relatively well when Perfection wasn’t trying to drive people insane.
Soon the other halls lit up and the seats of the balcony began to fill. The next to arrive was the Scion of Life, he was bust programming his new cybernetic prosthesis as he took his seat on a blue glowing chair. Then it was Wraith, Scion of Death and his wife Karma, Scion of Balance, who took their seats on their simple customized leather chairs. They were the definitive power couple of the Scions. After them came the bombastic and overly excited DM, Scion of Variable, opposite of Karma he sat on a simple gamer’s chair that began to massage his back. Then Mosious, Scion of creation came down to his chair, Therten, Scion of Null soon followed and his completely alien form composed of the void of space sat in a chair of solid nothingness.
At this point the gathered Scions nodded to each other in acknowledgement and waited as the final members seemed to be taking their time. Astral himself went to light a cigarette, but received an almost literal death glare from Wraith. Astral slid the cigarette back into its package with a sheepish smile.
Then came the Scions of Darkness and Light, the twins Maven and Alteran. Each approached calmly and sat in a chair that reflected the other’s nature. The next pair to arrive were Righteousness and Corruption, or Good and Evil. Raptor, Scion of Righteousness entered first and sat on his simple throne, crafted by his former followers when he was a god. Consumption, Scion of Corruption approached and crafted a chair made of his own viscous body. Then the final two arrived, The Scion of Destiny, a crystalline being composed of all the energies and concepts of the other Scions formed at the center of the Dais and walked to its simple glass-like chair. The sound of footsteps announced the arrival of the Scion of Defiance, Alan Quain. Next to him walked his daughter and the Lesser Scion of Heroism. He sat on his steel chair and Anna sat next to him on one with a cushion.
“We are almost all here.” Destiny spoke, its voice sounding like a crystal wind chime.
“Really.” Therten looked at Anna, “Shouldn’t she be up there.”
“We can go another round about it.” Alan glared at the Scion of Null.
Destiny sighed, it appreciated its opposite in Defiance, but the newest Scion had been causing a stir since his arrival. “Therten, she is his daughter and direct subordinate, there is no reason for her to be forced to the higher levels.”
A few more Lesser-Scions, those benign tasked with a more focused or less generalized concept or idea filtered in. Many seats still remained empty.
“We are gathered.” Destiny spoke and a railing rose from the ground around the Dais, closing off access to the other aspects of the Verge.
The doors behind each Scion also sealed. Alan immediately leaned back and put his feet on the railing, receiving a glare from Destiny and Null which was promptly ignored.
Wraith stood. “Who has called this meeting Destiny?”
Destiny gestured to Mosious and Therten.
Perfection leaned forward, as did Astral. The first two Scions always got an audience when they called for one. The rest stared in awe or concern.
“Before we speak, we want the rest of you to fill us in on the situation with Atropos.” Mosious said with a gentle smile. His calm paternal appearance of an aged unknown humanoid seemed to always settle the nerves of the other Scions, this time it did not.
Consumption stood first, “We have tracked some of her essence to the outer edges of our territory.” They chuckled, Consumption was a gestalt of the victims of the original personality that had absorbed them. Now they stayed united for continued survival. “But nothing solid, just trails that end in nothingness.” Their strange voice croaked like many sickened frogs trying to escape a deadly bog, but in a unified tone.
Raptor did not stand, “I have heard nothing, she has not attacked or attempted to contact me.”
DM spoke next, “She’s plotting, we all know this and we all know who has the info we need.” He looked straight at Perfection.
“Aww, but I wanna hear what everyone else has.” Perfection chuckled.
“It’s big then.” Wraith sighed. “Perfection, is it at least worth suffering through your antics?”
Perfection seemed to mull the thought over for a moment. “Maybe let Al give what he’s got and then I’ll go.”
Alan looked at Perfection with a glare as he took his feet off the railing and stood. “Ladies...” He paused and looked at the other Scions. “How do I address the gathering?”
Destiny paused and let its gaze settle on Mosious. “I would suggest, simply as ‘Fellow Scions’?” Destiny for once seemed unsure.
“An excellent suggestion, wouldn’t you agree Wraith?” Mosious asked.
Wraith let the orbs that were his eyes settle on the smiling form of Mosious, then he slowly nodded.
“Fellow Scions.” Alan gestured to the glowing center of the Dais and it shifted to a view of the known multiverse, the Scion’s territory was outlined in series of dashes and dots across a flat surface that when pulled out to view on the whole looked like countless circles and lines against a background of other dashes and dots. “My daughter and I have spent a few centuries traveling and learning our posts. We’ve seen and heard a few things. Chief among them that Brok and Sindri, were seen in a reality not associated with them. Yes, that Brok and Sindri, we looked and found evidence that both were in fact some form of zombies.”
Anna stood up and gestured to the Dais. It changed to display recorded images.
“Thank you Anna.” Alan nodded, “Anna got to see the newscasts in one reality. I was a bit busy.”
“Doing what?” Astral asked as he looked at the image.
“Fighting Zombie Hulk.” Alan said flatly.
“Of course they went to one of those worlds.” Karma huffed.
“That’s the thing, they didn’t.” Alan explained, “They brought this plague with them.”
Anna spoke up, “We managed to remove the plague and with Ragnis’ help fixed the heroes and villains infected. Wraith restored the people.”
“They brought that...” Wraith leaned in now, “A piece of Ragnis and a piece of me...”
“What?” Therten asked.
“Atropos had a piece of my daggers embedded in her leg, essentially a piece of my being. Then she took Ragnis’ hand.” Wraith leaned back. “She’s setting herself up as some sort of undead queen.”
Perfection fabricated and rang a triangle in the middle of the air.
Wraith’s eyes betrayed his anger as he slouched in his chair.
“That’s exactly it, but also more.” Perfection said, “I can explain what I and Lachesis have found but it doesn’t matter much. She’s playing a long game and she’s snagged a second to bring to her aid.”
“Who!?” Wraith roared to life and extended his frame over the railing.
“Tyrrn.” Perfection grinned, “Yes Anna, that one. The one who you beat a few times, the one who ran to another reality to crush a different version of you. We only have some limited good news.”
The room paid rapt attention.
“In turning both the Brok and Sindri she had into mindless zombies they have lost most of their crafting capabilities. So until she can get some fresh essence of twin dwarven crafters, she can’t even make him one of whatever she is.” Perfection explained.
“An Echo.” Lachesis, Lesser Scion of Prophecy and Madness spoke up. “She is an Echo. A memory and a wound. Something powerful, but not indestructible.” She looked to the empty seats, “We must expand our understanding.”
Destiny observed and nodded. “Agreed, it is clear she means to declare a war of some sort.”
Perfection wagged his finger, “No, not a war.” He reached to his side and plucked at something invisible to most Scions. It made a shrieking sound like a glove over a cello.
“She wants to be Godzilla?” Astral asked in confusion.
“She wants an eternal fight.” Perfection said, “She wants us to always worry and when we fail, to suffer.”
Consumption snorted, “She should not have rejected her position then.”
“Agreed.” Destiny steepled their hands.
“So now we need to...” Perfection snapped his fingers, “What’s the word...”
“Recruit.” A red skinned young man called from the balcony.
“That’s the word. That’s my boy!” Perfection called to his son Chybee.
“Stop helping him.” Therten snarled.
“Bite me.” Chybee snorted, “I mean it’s not like I’m a beloved family member, oh wait...”
“So much love my boy.” Perfection smiled and made a hugging motion. Chybee slowly slid lower in his chair.
Maven stood, “Perfection, how did you find this out?”
“The strings.” Perfection smiled. “Normally the red ones are for mortals, gold for gods or other direct immortals, blinding white light for us.”
Alteran stood and leaned to listen. So did the others as Perfection put a display on the Dais image projector. Red, gold and white strings against a black background.
“She’s as black as the background isn’t she?” Anna asked with a scoff and clear anger.
“Point for our Littlest Hero.” Perfection beamed. “And there are six more we can feel forming.”
“For a total of Seven.” Destiny nodded, “One to match each pair.”
“Yeah.” Perfection nodded, “And they’re attached to a physical aspect. Like being Undead.”
“How is that physical?” Alteran asked.
“Rejection of Life and Death, forced to an eternal physical prison.” Ragnis spoke up as he pulled out a scroll from a bag at his side. “I’ve been walking among mortals again. Took a new path, studied magic of a realm similar to my original one. “She’s made herself less a concept and more, well an Echo. Something that doesn’t actually exist.”
“Undeath is not a natural concept. It’s why Ragnis and I both have reign over it.” Wraith explained, “And now we know why we’ve had difficulty with it since she was removed.”
Ragnis nodded, “I had come up with a few theories. This was pretty high on the list.”
“Lookit that.” Perfection smiled, “Ragnis gone and got S-M-R-T.”
“I will still put an axe in your head.” Ragnis grumbled.
“How did you get away with a robot hand in a magic world?” Perfection asked as he suddenly appeared next to Ragnis.
“Chaos, please not now.” Destiny sighed, audibly annoyed by the other Scion.
Perfection smiled and appeared back at his stolen throne. “Long and the short of it is, Lachesis is right, we need numbers because now we have competition.”
The room was silent for many minutes afterward as the rest contemplated the news.
Astral stood up and smacked the railing. “Then we recruit. We’ve all traveled so far and wide. We’ve all seen people we all wished we could bring into the fold. So now we do.”
Perfection chuckled. “And we got time. She’s staking out a fresh born universe.”
“Really?” Wraith blinked, “Why’s that good?”
Perfection smiled, “Moe, Therten and I made some...” He bobbed his head playfully, “...alterations to the universe.”
“Alterations such as?” Wraith asked.
“We swapped Sol for another very similar star system.” Mosious said, “Perfection even positioned it to have the same or similar star maps.”
“So she’ll be lost when she tries to find humanity.” Karma clapped happily, then let a straight emotionless face hit the next words. “Good, gives me time to scoop her eyes out...”
The room stared at the Scion of Balance in concern.
“Darling.” Wraith spoke, “Remember the chat we had.”
“I know!” Karma crossed her arms in annoyance. “Sorry.”
“What happened, Death?” Destiny asked.
“Karai and Rael were attacked not long ago. Zombies, unusually strong ones. I had to remind my wife that I would be the one to address their maker.” Wraith said, “Clearly she has already attacked, and as always she strikes at me first.”
“What about the hidden worlds?” Maven asked, “We know someone has been sneaking in.”
Perfection gave a brief innocent whistle, then laughed. “It’s safe, we’ve reinforced the barriers and glamors.”
“Good.” Destiny said, “Any internal issues we are needed for?”
Perfection shook his head. “Wraith and I have been keeping those contained.”
“What have you been keeping contained?” Wraith looked at his friend in shock.
“A villain who has stepped on everyone’s, and I mean EVERYONE’S toes.” Perfection exhaled, “It’d be really impressive if it wasn’t so sad.”
“Do we have any ideas?” Destiny asked.
“I have a few.” Wraith nodded, “I will need to restructure my current setup. And some time for that.”
Destiny nodded in approval.
“Before you all begin that.” Mosious and Therten both stood up.
“This will be our last meeting.” Therten said.
Perfection blinked and laughed, “That’s a good one!”
Wraith focused on the first Scions and stood before leaning on the railing. “Really, you’re embracing the end now?!”
Perfection blinked, “No, it’s...” He looked at Mosious and then Therten. “It’s a joke right? Therten, you can’t collect if...”
“I may loathe this existence, but Mosious and I have sensed this coming change. If there is a Seventh to be made we believe they will have the upper hand.” Therten explained.
Perfection froze as did every other Scion and Lesser-Scion.
“Our powers will be with you all. Creation and Null will be a part of all full Scions until such a time as we can be replaced.” Mosious smiled and crossed the barriers to Perfection to give him a hug. “Do not fear this change, my favorite friend. You will not be without us, we will merely be in a different form.”
“So who’s gonna lead us?” Alan shouted, “The big rock?!” He pointed at Destiny.
“We are not qualified.” Destiny glared back.
“Good to know you know that.” Alan nodded.
“Wraith.” Mosious spoke.
“I beg your pardon?” Wraith blinked in utter shock to such a degree he even forgot to cover his Irish accent.
Therten approached the Scion of Death. “Name one other Scion the others can agree to respect. Do not fear this Death, it is proof of your wisdom, courage and leadership.”
Wraith looked over at Perfection who was still trembling in shock. He nodded and looked back at Null with a glare.
“Both of you should have known better.” Wraith hissed.
“Wraith.” Mosious drifted over to the ghostly Scion. “It must be done and there is no painless way to say goodbye. You know this.”
Wraith nodded and cursed himself under his breath.
“Now, I believe we have a new adventure to head onto.” Mosious smiled as he held his arm out for Therten to join him. The Scion of Null stared for a moment before putting his own arm through the looped arm that was offered to him.
Wraith produced a shining staff and tapped it on the ground. A door opened and he gestured for the two, now former, Scions to walk through. The three passed through the door and it closed behind them.
Perfection sat back on the throne and snapped his fingers. It was replaced by a recliner and a blanket with cartoonish images of all the other Scions. The sound of landing hooves alerted him to Chybee leaping down and sitting next to him, but the Chaotic Scion was still stunned.
“I do not like this feeling.” Destiny spoke softly to no one in particular. “I feel lessened but I know I am not weaker.”
Alan sighed, “Fucking time for change, eh kid?” He looked down to his daughter who was sniffling and wiping her eyes.
Anna only nodded.
The railing in the center slid into the ground and the pathways and chairs for the Scions of Creation and Null both faded and became dark, but did not vanish. Karma approached the center and touched the Dais. It rippled and spun with a strange glow before a pulse of power rippled over all the Scions.
Astral felt a surge in his power. Fresh memories and a new sense of power rushed into him.
“What just happened?” Maven asked.
“We got a power boost.” DM smiled, then frowned. “But we lost our friends.”
“For now.” Wraith’s voice echoed as he returned from his pathway. “I will find these replacements once we are done with Atropos.” He looked at Perfection and sighed, “Chybee, take him home, I’ll be around later.”
Chybee nodded, snapped his fingers and vanished with his adoptive father.
“So how do we fix a broken P?” DM asked.
“We’ll worry about him.” Wraith said. “Everyone else needs to find new Lesser Scions. With what they’ve done you shouldn’t even need to bring them to the Dais, we can make the contracts on the spot, or nullify them.Find the mortals best to fit the needs of the Multiverse.”
“Excuse me?!” A voice snarled from above. It was attached to a ghost in blue robes and red eyes that barely stood four feet tall. He was Elbee, Wraith’s younger brother and Lesser-Scion of Terror.
“You, Anna and Chybee being the outliers.” Wraith sighed, “Lesser-Scions, keep your eyes and ears open. These zombies of hers are impressively dangerous, even to you.”
Anna cleared her throat. “And keep an eye out for my Nobody. We haven’t seen or heard anything from her.”
Wraith nodded, “That too, we know she can hurt and kill any of us, so be careful.”
Destiny stood, “Are we dismissed? I have ideas on where to recruit.”
Wraith nodded. “We are dismissed.”
Astral took a breath and walked towards the door that would normally lead to his section of the Verge, instead he willed it to a world he had passed some time ago, where a god struck out injustice and tyrants.
<<<>>>
Next Story
The Scions, The Verge, and associated characters are © u/TheSmogMonsterZX
All other characters not a part of the Scion-Verge-Verse are © Their Original Creators and are not used with intent to infringe upon their creator’s rights.
<<< The Voice Box/Author’s Notes>>>
Perfection: (catatonic)
Wraith: Not cool.
Smoggy: I--
DM: So not cool.
Smoggy: Its not--
Karma: I’m mad at you.
Smoggy: The absolute fuck.
Anna: Let him talk.
Smoggy: Thank you.
Anna: Meanie.
Smoggy: (flails around in anger) This wasn’t easy for me either. Mosious and Therten were the crux of Scions being Scions when I started.
Perfection: (springs up) I SAW THAT CORRECTION FOX BOY!
Smoggy: What? Where? Son of a bitch he did...

Saturday April 13th 2024
It seems like it's finally happening: all of my failures are catching up with me, kick-starting my once-idle engine into a roaring life. I haven't journaled for weeks—why bother? I used to set unrealistic expectations for myself, a habit I've had for as long as I can remember, but I can't really pinpoint where it started. No more, I've decided. Journaling every day? Yeah, right. It's 2024, I'm 34, and broke. My new journaling goal? Once a week on Saturday mornings, a time that has proven productive for me. If you're starting a journal, make a note of when you feel best while writing. I find journaling weekly rather than daily makes it easier to revisit and reflect on my entries.
This winter at work was unusually mild for Minnesota, especially after the record snowfalls of winter 2022/23. I only needed to plow once. The downtime was filled with minor tasks and the occasional equipment breakdown. We even reduced our crew size to save on labor costs. Now, spring seems to have arrived early—it's only April 13th, but we generally expect snow well into May here. Traditionally, we don't consider it spring until April 15th.
Anyway, I'm rambling. My sleep schedule is completely messed up. It's been almost two years since my cancer treatment, and I think my body is still recovering. I have a scan coming up in May to mark the two-year point. My previous results were clear, and the doctor expects no change, but we'll see. I still smoke and eat terribly—half a pack a day and gas station hot dogs are my routine. I rationalize it by thinking my life expectancy might be shorter because of the cancer, though it's now gone, and because of the hard work and regular sauna sessions, which I joke about fixing all my problems. I laugh at my own excuses sometimes. I also have a sugar addiction—I could demolish a pound of cake in seconds without any motivation besides enjoying the indulgence. I don't care if it's rich, fluffy, or chocolate—just as long as it doesn't have that fake frosting.
I have a theory that addiction is a natural feature of the human mind and body. We're all addicted to something, whether it's success, fitness, family, gaming, cigarettes, or alcohol. Many of my addictions are negative, a reflection of the negativity I faced growing up. My mom, a widow from the Balkan war, raised three kids by herself in a foreign country. The hardships were immense, and I'm only now starting to appreciate what she went through. My teenage years brought smoking and drugs, which escalated to a three-year cocaine addiction. If I hadn't quit, I'd probably be homeless. I managed to get clean, but I still smoke and drink occasionally. Then cancer hit, and I got super healthy—ironic, right? Since then, I've slipped back into some bad habits. I think we can only manage a few addictions at a time, and it's crucial to cultivate self-awareness to turn negative habits into positive ones. Today, I've decided to refocus my addictions on healthier practices.
Smoking Cigs - I will no longer put this poison in my body in the form of cigarettes and vapes. This is literally killing me and preventing me from living a long and sustainable life. I smoke because I'm stressed about my failures and shortcomings, and it soothes me for about 3.4 seconds before I’m back to square one. This is simply dumb. I'm replacing smoking with exercise. I have a gym membership, a nice bike that my girl gifted me, and the weather is getting nice. I know how to run, and I have so many avenues for exercise for the next 6 to 8 months that I will be addicted to raising my heart rate, burning fat, and releasing endorphins, which sounds way better than smoking a nasty tasting, bad-smelling cigarette that I have to somehow mask the smell of so my girl can't tell. It's a no-brainer to go with exercise here.
Diet - I'm going to start off simple here with a baseline meal every 24 hours around 6 pm, high in protein, fats, and fibers. The goal is to spend a majority of time in ketosis. I work a labor-intensive job during the day so I may supplement with avocado, kiwi, and eggs throughout the day. I'll eat my main meal after work and exercise if I do anything on top of the workday. After my meal, I will take my vitamins, and relax to digest. Ketosis has many benefits for my body and the things it goes through on a daily basis. And I feel comfortable fasting for 24 hours; I did a little test run yesterday—after a full 24-hour fast I ate 2 avocados, and went for a mid-intensity 45-minute bike ride. I felt great and energized, was able to squeeze a 15-minute sauna session in at 160 degrees at the gym. Growing up poor, going 24 hours without eating ain't bad, so I would advise starting with like a 16-hour fast if you've never fasted before. I'm going to change this as necessary for my body. I feel like I'm in tune with my body fairly well. It's an ability to practice. One of the ways I do that is in the sauna: listen to melodic music you enjoy on repeat while meditating on body parts i.e., how they feel, range of motion, noticeable differences in parts that are supposed to be symmetrical. Yeah, I know I'm weird that I do that in the sauna, but trust me. As far as my bad diet addictions, I will no longer be addicted to sugar, but literally not consuming any other than in the natural form of fruit on occasion. I am a foodie at heart. But I am also a war survivor. I know how to eat on a regimen to survive, I am now old and wise enough to create a regimen to thrive.
Gaming - Gaming was a bigger addiction before, I solved it by selling my gaming computer and buying a cheap laptop so I can still surf the web and potentially find a way to make money online passively. I still found a way to play games on my laptop because I'm sly like that. Gaming is only negative to me right now because I have not reached some goals in life. Gaming is something I truly enjoy, but as we all know is immersive and time-consuming. Right now is crunch time for me in my mind and heart and there just isn't time for that. I've decided to shift the focus of my gaming addiction in a more positive form. Anytime I feel like gaming I will work on my own game idea—yeah, that's right. I figured I've spent enough time playing other people's games maybe I should create my own. I came up with a great idea and have begun the early stages of development. More to come on that!
Sleep - this is already proving easy to change the focus of. A lot of my bad sleep was influenced by video games. I would justify this by telling myself that I worked hard all day and I deserve to be happy, and video games make me happy so I should do this as long as I can to reward myself for a long workday. Yeah, it sounds dumb when you type it out... start journaling. Anyway, it's been 2 nights now of good restorative sleep. The first night was interesting: I got home from work around 5:30 PM, relieved some stress in a personal moment, then fell asleep on my bed from 6 pm to 6 am the next day, waking up briefly to take care of necessities and touch base with my partner. Woke up the next day performing well at work, completing a 24 hr fast, 45-minute bike ride, 15-minute sauna session, and went to bed by 11 pm, waking up today feeling like myself in 2007—the last time I remember being my true self. Life has a weird way of fast-forwarding... if you’ve ever seen the Adam Sandler movie "Click," you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyway, this is all the proof I need that good sleep is absolutely necessary to start your journey to a better self.
These are the foundational changes I'm making, which will serve as my new baseline. I'm excited to adjust and refine these as I see their effects. My next goal is to fine-tune my diet further. It's Saturday today, and after payday this Wednesday, my new eating plan kicks in. By next Saturday’s journal entry, I'll have several days of this new regimen to discuss, which is quite exciting. I'm now channeling my addictive tendencies towards healthier activities—exercise when stressed, nutrient-rich foods when hungry, and creative projects for entertainment. Focusing on these positive addictions should help me live a fuller, more satisfying life. And, as always, good sleep is the game changer, reinforcing every other positive change I'm making. I'll update you on my progress and any adjustments in next week's post. For now, I'm off to prep my truck for a new paint job, with before and after photos to come. Remember, addressing your sleep issues is crucial; it's foundational to tackling any of life's challenges, much like maintaining vital stats in a video game.
​

(This text was written in 2015, mild edits this evening.)
1
My first costume was edible – I wore a necklace made of hard candy and smoked a cigarette made of a different sort of hard candy, one that tasted like Pepto-Bismol. My sister wanted to eat the costume with me, but in the end, I ate it myself. Even the elastic string.
The second costume was also edible, mostly, and so I ate it, too. It was a tricorns pirate’s cap made from newsprint. Newsprint isn’t the best paper to use for costumes, but it’s fairly easy to chew and swallow.
Compare it to the plastic buttons on the duck costume that followed. The duck was dressed in an old fashioned sailor’s suit, and the buttons were flatly indigestible. I diced them into the tiniest pieces possible, placing each bit on my tongue, along with a drizzle of peanut oil, and down it went.
As I matured, swallowing became a kind of hand climbing, each action so deliberate and final and, ultimately, forgettable in aid of the very next gesture. By the time I’d finished my Day of the Dead mask and suit, and the swathes of Mardi Gras beads (swallowing them whole by this time, like frozen grapes) – I felt my whole body could see farther than my eyes, than anyone’s eyes. I began to look deliberately for greater challenges.
Armor is not cheap. The suit of armor I had my eye on was going to require assistance, and it’s frankly impossible to convince a loan officer that knighthood is a credible investment instrument, which is not even to mention the eating of it. Did I get it down? Would I be here, talking to you now, had I not? I feasted on it for a month, the price reduced to coin-sized bites and, in the end, seeming very reasonable.
Other costumes followed – Ri, Feng, Mei, Li, Ming Long, Xui Li, Hui, Hui Zhong, Xu Gaun, Ming Rong, Zhi Peng, and I performed a Chinese dragon dance before an appreciate audience, but the banquet that followed was mine alone.
The firefighter’s uniform (complete with air tank) was also mine alone, as was the handsomely beaded wedding gown, the veil coming apart like a poor excuse.
If you make a commitment such as this – to eat your exterior, to make your outsides your insides, to swallow your façade like some insatiable Klein Bottle – then you must be comfortable with aloneness. Your sense of sufficiency must need no permission, nor should you suppose that others will ever join you. You will be tempted to reveal yourself to everyone, thinking they will accept you as some highly advanced member of the species.
They will not. They. Will. Not.
Once, when I still doubted this, I ate the clothes off my back. On a whim. It was a summer day, and all the cloth seemed so fragrant and delicate, so perfectly in keeping with the warm fuzzy fronds of the park landscaping, I tore apart the shirt and had it down in a matter of minutes. I was halfway through the pants when the police arrived.
Being called indecent by the State does not lead to its worst punishments, but I could not have imagined a worse insult.
Things are different now. Given all that I know about myself, if not the State, I now regard it as something of a compliment. If they are what they call decent, then what I am is most definitely not.
2
Let us pause for a moment to mention the world renowned pica-ist, Michel Lotito. You’ve heard of him – he’s the one who ate the airplane.
He ate the shopping carts, the TVs, the bicycles – 18 of them supposedly – and supposedly part of the actual Eiffel Tower.
Pica is a compulsion, and those who suffer from it experience an unaccountable craving for dirt, glass, metal, other earthy debris.
It is an illness of both the mind and body, and dear Michel had the foresight to suppose that people would pay to watch the illness ravage him. Indeed, he did devour an airplane – the airplane passed through his body inch by inch – over the course of 2 years.
And is that his greatest achievement? Or is it that he ate constantly for more than 700 days straight, for most of his waking life, as a matter of fact? Or is it that he experienced such constant satisfaction from his suffering?
Perhaps your satisfaction comes from the experience of beauty or gratitude. Now imagine that satisfaction being renewed every several minutes of the day for your entire life. How near to heaven does this get us? Michel experienced his heaven on earth . . . which is to say – yes, you know what’s coming – a sort of hell.
Am I living there with dear Michel? I do not suffer from pica; that much I know. My enjoyment from eating my costumes is as complex as reading a novel or traveling to a foreign land, and no greater than the enjoyment of selecting and wearing them.
Take the deep-sea diver. I did not pick him because he was an overly kind man or even very interesting at the level of . . . what would you call it? Personality?
It started because I noticed how much he disliked canned food, how he would skip whole aisles in the grocery store. That’s interesting, isn’t it?
He owned a chow dog and a small terrier, and he would stand outside at dusk, clapping his hands together to keep the birds from roosting in his trees.
And he had a fondness for the teenage girl next door and looked for excuses to help her, and he collected gold coins issued by the U.S. Mint and daydreamed about finding true love and collected video compilations made by storm chasers.
Can you see how irresistible the deep-sea diver suit would be? How I had to have it?
The negotiation was easy enough – obviously he desired a long, mysterious journey to find love, as most everyone does. In return, I received the deep-sea diving costume. The thing was even heavier than the suit of armor, at least on land, and I never felt stronger while wearing it.
He’d been a welder, so I tried my hand at underwater welding. The flickering blue light was like the first moments of waking from a dream.
I fondled the golden coins. I clapped my hands at dusk. And tornadoes tore across the land.
Can you see how the actual eating of the deep-sea diving costume was but one color of the rainbow? One glory among many?
The story becomes more complicated from here. I felt like I awoke from a lifetime of interiors. I felt the end of every anxiety, like the silencing of some epical sound.
3
Hams, butts, loins, backs, and briskets were on one side. Hocks, feet, and tongues were kept in jars on the counter.
The longest wall was reserved for the sausages, organ cheeses, and red puddings – so many of these that you might have thought the butcher shop was located in a zoo.
It wasn’t – cattle, swine, and sheep mostly. Deer during certain seasons. Goat for certain parties. A possum once, for a recipe old enough to be your great great grandfather’s.
The butcher wore a wrap-around apron thick enough to stop bullets. He was built like an ox but regarded his body in the most human terms imaginable.
Thus, as he gentrified the beasts with his carving knife, sending their quarters to so many silver spoons, did he also daydream about the price per pound of his own shoulder blades, the steaks that could be made from his muscular thighs, the spiced meat that could be packed in his intestines.
He was not embarrassed by these thoughts, but he did not give them out, not to the customers, nor the thief who ran the cash register, nor the dusty out-of-work cowboy who swept the floors, nor the bounding angels that visited his alleyway in the form of hungry dogs.
He kept his thoughts to himself.
The butcher refused to negotiate his costume. Even when I reminded him that it was bound to lose its value over time, penny by penny, pound by pound, until it was nothing more than stew meat.
He was glad of who he was.
So I spoke to the butcher shop instead. It used to be a donut place and before that, a pawn shop, and before that, a haberdashery.
Becoming a butcher’s store had been something of a shock, but then the entire neighborhood was passing through the same sort of transformation, a whole new cast of characters, a reimagined place.
I offered the butcher’s store a first-rate tanning salon on the other side of town, with 40 full-spectrum tanning beds.
It accepted, vacated, and I took its place, directing everything that happened there.
I was now the butcher, the thief, the cowboy, the decorous meats, the customers’ vainglorious desires, the jars unscrewed, reached into, re-screwed, the loud smack of chops cleaved on a wooden cutting board, knives diving into the rose-colored drink, again and again, like boys at a lake on a perfect summer day.
Was any of this legal? Theft? Kidnapping? Cannibalism? Maybe a counterfeiting charge would stick in some jurisdictions.
In truth, I have been charged many times, but in point of fact, human beings file charges constantly. It is one of their seminal characteristics.
Why me? Of all the luck. Damn it. Goddamn it. Damn it all to hell. I’m tired of this shit. Perhaps the worst are the monosyllabic noises. Huh? Huh? What? Like mouse droppings in a silverware drawer. Huh? Yeah?
A customer, of such means that virtually no one in history could have conceived of him as anything but royalty, examines a piece of raw hip flesh, abstracted from the animal that drew it, glances at the price, and says, You gotta be kidding me. You gotta be . . . kidding me.
Well . . . yes and no. Somewhere at that moment, a vigilante tanning salon was exacting its revenge.
The butcher shop did well, with plenty of repeat business. From a culinary perspective, repeat business is fine, up to a point, but then the flavors begin to grow stale, and the textures lose their snap, and an irritation grows with every turn of the Open and Closed sign.
Open for what? Closed how?
At night, I assumed the imperial leadership of the hordes of E. coli that colonized the place, bright little fingerprints of asexual life seeking only the hot comfort of a bowel movement in which to build their peak civilization. Imagine the guilt I felt about ignoring their trillions of prayers, night after night.
How much time passed this way? I’m not sure. It’s not like swallowing an angora sweater and being so thoroughly aware when the last hair of it goes down.
Perhaps it’s more like the feeling of waking up naked in a crowded place – a confusion, an urgency, a delight. But also, at the least, a time to take action.
I traded up for a mechanical engineering program at a public university. It felt like a nod toward sobriety, and I’ve always had a fascination for the abstract reductionist school of the culinary arts, all those planes and dots and lattices infused with flavor, something you might feed to a picky astronomer.
4
The experience of so much calculation and measurement was beguiling, like standing in the woods on a warm winter’s day when everything is melting. Listen! Is it food? Music? Both?
After expanding my attention to the other engineering programs – electrical, nuclear, computer, aerospace – there are so many! – industrial, agricultural, civil – I arrived at a very strange conclusion. The engineering college was a sort of uniform, and every event that took place there had its own position and momentum, down down down, as far as the eye could see.
So, food and music, yes, but something more. I was dressed up in . . . chance.
Would there be coffee in the breakroom at 3pm? It was up to me. I could drain every drop by evincing thirst for it among just the right number of people.
Would the ventilation fan in the lab remain true during a particular noxious exothermal reaction? A decision no more difficult to make than the coffee.
Should the lead researcher on a bio-synthesis project, with great implications or cancer treatment, be given the inspiration he needs to earn a Nobel Prize? Would the clerical in Room 234 of the Material Sciences Lab find love?
We must be very quiet about this. There are only so many places one can hide, after which . . . I hate to imagine.
But when one is forever eating one’s way out of house and home, there are always moments of truth, and indigence and servitude are two I wish not to know. Still, we need to reach an understanding.
Take the plasma physicist with erectile dysfunction who was studying molten fluoride salts and potential containment vessels.
Take the literal rocket scientist with Catholic guilt who was constructing metamaterials that would impede frost buildup at preorbital velocities.
Take the passive-aggressive tendencies of the nuclear chemist specializing in the discharge of gamma rays during thorium decay.
Take the far-right political convictions of the ceramic fabrications lab technician, the secret bisexual history of the visiting particle physicist, the South Korean student body’s ambivalent relationship with its parents.
How many moments of truth are in these stories? The more you think of it, the more you realize what a trick that question is, that every moment of truth is surrounded by other moments of truth that soon become so densely packed into every breath and bite that truth itself becomes not much more than the word we give it, certainly no more than the moments themselves.
Yes, process philosophy, I know, more words, bushels of them, dumped over the head of anyone who asks about this.
But take a deep breath and the mystery remains, the way some gray, innocuous verb – reflect, believe, praise – may be transmuted to a profundity that shines upon some metaphorical stage or pillar for a thousand years.
What we have made is not the truth or the beauty or the love, but the thousand years.
The engineering college turned out to be a sort of first course of a campus-wide meal that quickly filled the table – exotic maths and philosophies, homespun social theory and pedagogies, business and the fine arts and anthropology barely across the street from each other.
And so many tidbits in between – crowds of artists and scholars in residence, so many centers for critical study, competing interdisciplinary committees on such and such, a Greek shindig every now and then.
It all felt like something from a lacquered painting.
5
Once, I spent the better part of a day following a woman whose job it was to change light bulbs on campus. Most of the light bulbs contain toxins, and there are elaborate, legislated rituals related to their handling and disposal.
She carried a book of maps and a stepladder, and she traveled from building to building, restoring light to the benighted.
Her manner was exquisite, an ability to reduce her existence to almost nothing, to drift around a room the way shadows do in the fullness of a sunny afternoon, to recede and recede to the very edge of being before some tap or click or buzz sends a ripple through the surroundings, followed by a sudden, welcome abundance.
Very often, those present for the moment would spontaneously testify. Ahhh, they would say, as light filled the air again. Thank you! they would exclaim. Hallelujah! they would practically sing.
And she stood there just a few feet above, illuminated like something unearthed and unbroken, knowing that the gratitude was for more than her, happy to help it on its way.
-The End-
Postscript
I could have followed anyone. The man who tended the plants – this is what he did – pushed a large silver cart loaded with water, fertilizers, portions of protection, and an array of instruments that might have been aiming for brain surgery in their next lifetime, such was the smart click and gleam of their mechanisms.
He was the charioteer of the campus atria, bald as a bump on a log but a hero to the plants whose lives he routinely saved. A god even, living so far outside of his own wet clothing of time as to be known only by the miracles he left behind.
He ate a golden delicious apple every day at lunch, and polished the leaves of the dieffenbachia with a piece of lint-free dry cloth he kept in his shirt pocket, and when he showered water on the plants from the nozzle of the sprayer, he imagined his grandchildren playing outdoors or vacations in Hawai’i or firefighting.
He had love in his heart, and I daubed my finger in the love and touched each droplet with it as the water shot through the air, painterly highlights to suggest the weight of the moment.
And then, on a whim, I followed the fog straight into the soil, the root hairs lunging at me with their lusty kisses. And so I was kissed.

Hey everyone! I had a lot of fun posting my MD last year, so I decided to write up my first big girl vacation.
Aside from random day trips, this is my first-ever solo trip and my first time in Japan. I had a lot ~feelings~ leading up to it--can I handle solo traveling, will the language/cultural barrier make me feel isolated, do I even "deserve" to spend all this money on myself (this in particular I've spent a lot of time in therapy unpacking 🥲)--so join me on the financial and emotional journey!!

Section One: Bio

Most of these details are the same as my last MD, so I'll try to be brief.
Age: 24
Occupation: Paralegal (same job, still unfulfilled ✨)
Hometown: Originally a Midwestern city; currently live in NYC
Number of PTO days and how you accrue them: Current balance is 17 days. After your first year you accrue 18 days each calendar year with that amount scaling up based on how long you've stayed with the firm. We have lots of paid firm holidays, so I only used 8 days of PTO for this trip due to us being off for Good Friday.

Section Two: Assets + Debt

Retirement Balance: $7,117.41 in my 401k and $1,072 in a Roth IRA.
Savings account balance: $2,201.17 in a regular account and $12,798.98 in a HYSA as of 03/18 (thank you all for pointing out how insane it was that I didn't have one in my previous MD lol).
Checking account balance: $511.11 in my regular checking account and $500 in a Charles Schwab checking account (that I opened just for this trip to take advantage of 0 ATM fees!) as of 03/18
Credit card debt: None! I pay off my balance in full every month.
Student loan debt: $5800 for public unsubsidized loan (which I make no payments for on the SAVE plan, at least for now) and $12,000 for private loan (which my parents are paying off as a gift) both for my liberal arts bachelor's degree.

Section Three: Income

Main Job Monthly Take Home: ~$2900 after taxes and 8% contribution to my 401k--I'm paid $25.50 per hour and my paychecks vary.
Any Other Monthly Income Here: For full transparency, my parents still pay for my aforementioned private student loan, health insurance, cell phone, Spotify, occasional Ubers, and now therapy, in addition to other gifts like flights home to visit. They did not contribute to this trip, but it would be very difficult for me to afford it without their financial assistance.

Section Four: Travel Expenses

Transportation:
$1547 for a round-trip, nonstop flight from JFK to HND in economy--ideally would have been booked with credit card points, but I didn't have many at the time. I booked a non-refundable ticket partially because I am cheap, but mostly because I wanted to force myself to take this trip & not chicken out. Please do not follow my example.
Accommodations:

• $275.16 for 4 nights ($68.79/night) in Shinjuku (Tokyo)
• $218.52 for 3 nights ($72.84/night) in Kyoto
• $352.35 for 3 nights ($117.45/night) in Asakusa (Tokyo)

I booked these right after I booked my flight. I originally planned to stay in hostels to save money & potentially meet other solo travelers, but the places I was interested in weren't that much cheaper than business hotels in the same area. For me, 100% worth it to spend more for privacy and peace of mind!
Pre-Vacation Spending:
I did an Am*z*n order for travel essentials:

• $19.99 power bank
• $39.99 travel pillow
• $13.99 for 3 pairs of compression socks
• $31.99 for 6 compression packing cubes
• $25.99 foldable duffel bag
• $34.99 Bluetooth headphone jack adapter (to use my Airpods with the flight entertainment system!)
• $24 for AirTag to put in checked bag

This all totaled $190.94. I also paid $52.72 for pocket wifi for 11 days--I would have just done an e-sim, but sadly my phone is too old for it--all for a total of $244.66 before I even got to the airport (ouch!).

Travel Diary

Just a note that anything charged to my card will be exact amounts that were converted to USD. I won’t count any individual cash purchases in my daily totals—just cash withdrawals—but will put the price in yen for my daily entries. For reference, the current exchange rate is about ¥150 = $1. For my grand totals, I'll be splitting my cash withdrawals 50/25/25 between food, shopping, and entertainment--I cannot be bothered to do the real math.
DAY -1:

• I'm on a Tuesday 1:50 AM flight which made planning this trip very weird. I’m in a rush to finish getting ready, so I get delivery for dinner ($19.62).
• I’m lowkey freaking out as I say goodbye to my roommate—I can’t believe I’m doing all this ALONE—but calm down in the Uber to JFK ($0 courtesy of the bank of mom & dad). While I wait to board, I grab two liters of bottle water. ($13.78)

DAY 0:

• Board flight and take off only 10 minutes behind! I usually get motion sick on long flights, so my mission is to do everything I can to prevent throwing up. I get up constantly to move around, meaning I don't get much sleep, but I don't throw up. Mission accomplished!

💸 DAY -1 & 0 TOTAL: $33.40
DAY 1:

• Land in Haneda at 5:30 am. Customs and baggage pickup all go smoothly, but I take forever finding my pocket wifi. I locate an ATM and take out ¥30,000 in cash ($203.67).
• I freshen up (scent of the day is Atelier Cologne’s Bergamot Soleil), add ¥5000 to my digital Suica card ($33.58), and take the subway to Shinjuku. I knew Japanese transit was nice, but wow am I impressed by the trains!!!
• I get to my hotel around 9:00 am and drop off my bags. I planned nothing for today, but I eventually decide to wander around Don Quijote. I find a Kirby plush section and send pictures to my younger brothers; they immediately request which ones they’d like me to bring back. I’m confused why they’re up past their bedtime but I’m no snitch!
• Walk to eggslut to get breakfast. Horrible coffee, but good sandwich! ($9.97)
• Wander around Hands. I want to buy a coin purse for all my yen but only find fancy expensive ones, but do find an umbrella I like ($29.29). I sit in their bathroom for 30+ minutes to give my feet a rest.
• More wandering around department stores. I find a jacket in Uniqlo that I really love but hold off on buying it.
• It starts raining, so I run into a 7-Eleven to get some tea (¥120) and dry off. I’m shivering despite the fact that I’m wearing a very warm wool sweater, but on the bright side, my new umbrella works great!
• Walk back to Uniqlo to rectify my horrible mistake ($42.36). I wear the jacket out of the store and realize it has pockets inside the pockets! Incredible.
• I’m hungry again, so I get lunch at Sushiro. I order 3 different kinds of sushi with raw squid and realize that I hate raw squid. Most of the other sushi isn’t that great either, but I’m happy to have a cheap lunch ($8.79)
• Rain finally stopped, so I walk to Shinjuku Gyoen for a change of scenery (¥500). I watch a gaggle of artsy high schoolers do a photo shoot with a mostly-bare sakura. Never change, artsy high schoolers!
• Finally time to check-in! I flop into bed and turn on the TV. So glad to be horizontal again.
• Wake up from nap (sleep?) 4 hours later. I think about grabbing dinner, but I’m so tired I just eat the remainder of my plane snacks. I try to stay up but pass out again 30 minutes later.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $327.66
DAY 2:

• Wake up to my alarm, fall back asleep, and wake up again around 10 am. Frankly, could sleep more as I’m pretty exhausted, but I decide to sit upright in bed a few more hours before I gather the strength to go outside.
• I’m feeling a little sick, but thankfully I remembered to bring some cold meds from home (possibly illegally?) just in case. I take my time getting ready and picking out my perfume (scent of the day is Snif’s Golden Ticket) while I wait for my Dayquil to kick in.
• Walk to Kirimugiya Jinroku as I’m craving some hot broth to relieve the sickiness—I burn the roof of my mouth, but the udon and tempura are so amazing that I don’t care (¥1450).
• I feel sleepy all over again but press on to Koenji for some thrifting. Most of the stores stock overpriced 80s American vintage, but I still have a good time browsing. I am, however, horrified to hear Shawn Mendez and Imagine Dragons—these are our great cultural exports??? I think not.
• My stomach is a little upset so I decide to grab some tea (¥140) and take the subway back to rest.
• As I lie in bed, I’m frustrated again that I have no good way to keep track of my coins—where does a woman buy a reasonably priced coin purse??? I go on the Hands website and see that they sell coin organizers for ¥1000 (yay!) but are out of stock at most stores nearby (boo) except for the Shibuya location. I decide to head there tomorrow.
• Fall asleep around 7 (oops!), wake up at midnight, and decide to go back to bed instead of heading out again. My appetite and energy are completely gone.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $0
DAY 3:

• Wake up around 9 am and start getting ready. I’m frustrated I’ve been slow-moving—being by myself means I don't feel pressure to do as much, which is nice, but I’m already feeling some FOMO. Scent of the day is Diptyque’s Philosykos which immediately brightens my mood—the power of perfume!
• Konbini breakfast of hojicha, cod roe onigiri, and an egg sandwich (¥613). I’m not usually a fan of egg salad (or anything with mayo), but Japanese mayo and eggs really are amazing!
• Walk to Meiji Jingu. I no longer regret sleeping so much the past 2 days—I feel so reenergized by this beautiful weather!! I get there around 11:30, later than I wanted, but it’s not as crowded as I thought. I get a fortune (¥100) that seems positive and a charm to stay safe while driving (¥1000)—I barely drive these days, but I need all the help I can get. I take a moment to sit and people watch—I could stay here all day!
• …but I can’t, so back to walking. I pay ¥500 to go inside the gardens. Most of the plants are dead but it’s still nice.
• I walk by the donated sake barrels (very pretty!) and out the exit towards Yoyogi Park. I look around for sakura, but no dice—lots of buds, but no blooms aside from one tree. I give my feet a rest and watch a giant crow/raven(?) terrorize some ducks. (Seriously, there are so many huge black birds here in Tokyo! No one warned me!!)
• I’m starving and a predictable tourist, so I decide to go to Kura Sushi to see if it’s any better than Sushiro. When I get there it’s a 120 minute wait(!) but I say screw it; there’s no way it’ll be that long for a party of one. (Reader, I was wrong.) There’s a lot of cool teenagers in the waiting area and they all have bangs—should I get bangs?? I do have the forehead for it. Much to think about.
• Finally eat two hours later. Dare I say it’s worth it? 20 decent-quality pieces for ~¥2100 is a good deal! ($15.31)
• Walk around Omotesando, then down Cat Street to Miyashita Park. I hang out on the roof a bit but am very intimidated by all the cool kids there!!! These girls do school uniforms way better than I did—the ties with the oversized sweaters and sweatpants under the skirt with scrunched socks is all very much a vibe.
• I figure I’m obligated to do Shibuya Crossing and see Hachiko. It’s WAY smaller than I thought and filled with people. Glad I did it, but happy to never go back again.
• I remember my mission from yesterday and head to Hands. I find my coin organizer, then get distracted, and walk out with mascara, two lip tints, and travel sizes of J-Scent’s Hojicha and Yuzu—these are $50 apiece back home! ($67.27) I get a tax refund of ~¥900 in cash.
• I'm tired and my feet hurt, but I decide to stop at a bar I saved called Grandfather’s. Very moody basement bar with a very talented DJ! People are chainsmoking and I think about how cool and chic it would be if I had a smoke, but I don’t smoke and don’t want to embarrass myself by coughing up a lung, so I settle for two Sidecars and some chips (¥2640). I stare enviously at a man who lights his cigarettes with matches. So cinematic. So cool.
• While I’m there, I chat with an older Japanese woman who is delightful. She tells me this bar has been here for 50+ years and the guy doing the music is the owner—she had a boyfriend who worked here 20 years ago, so she used to come all the time, but the owner does not remember her!! I am deeply offended on her behalf. It starts to get crowded and I’m a little tired, so after an hour and a half I thank her for the wonderful convo and add her on Line.
• I take the subway back and think about ~keeping the good vibes going~, or even buying a pack of smokes to practice (???? sober me hates cigarettes, but tipsy me sure does love the idea of them!), but I realize I stink and am grossed out. Never mind, smoking is deeply uncool!
• I swing by the konbini for snacks and bath salts as I feel like taking a hot soak (~¥900). My hotel room has a Japanese unit bath where you’re supposed to shower outside the tub (there’s a drain in the floor for this), THEN get in the tub once you’re clean, but as I am a disgusting American, I shower inside the tub before filling it up.
• Enjoy my bath with some matcha ice cream—this is the height of luxury!!!—before heading to bed.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $82.58
DAY 4:

• Wake up at 9:30, feeling a little hungover. Yes, I only had two drinks; I am sadly a lightweight and a failure to my Irish ancestors. SOTD is J-Scent’s Yuzu which definitely helps wake me up.
• I leave for Kyoto tomorrow, so I try to reserve a seat for the train there on the app, but every card I put in gets rejected. 😭 After that crushing defeat, I head out around 12:30 and take the subway to Ginza.
• I’m starving, so before I do anything I go to Yomoda Soba for soba and curry. Possibly the fastest meal of my life? (~¥900)
• Time to shop! I visit the 12-floor Uniqlo flagship, expecting it to be extra cool and big, but it isn’t that much different than the 5th Ave flagship back in New York—dare I say it is worse because of how small each floor is! I do get a nice discount on some Heattech, a pair of shorts, and a t-shirt though ($41.43).
• More wandering! I step inside Itoya which is a delight, and get a goshuincho ($10.93). In hindsight I really should have thought about getting one before I went to Meiji Jingu. Oh well!
• I visit some stores, looking for this shade of Canmake eyeliner, and I cannot find it ANYWHERE. What gives?? I take it as a sign to head back.
• I decide to walk the extra 15 mins to Tokyo Station to buy tickets for the shinkansen tomorrow. I wait in line and get my express ticket & seat reservation, realize the price seems suspiciously cheap, and after some Google learn I ALSO need to buy a standard train ticket, which means waiting in line. Again. ($95.17)
• Subway back to Shinjuku! I stop by the same Donki from my first day to get two Kirby plushes for my brothers ($33.37).
• I grab a bottle of tea from the lobby vending machine (¥140), drop my shit, and flop in bed. I am hangry and do not want to deal with figuring out dinner tonight—decision paralysis is a bitch. I see I have a gyoza place saved and decide to head there for dinner. Thank you, past me!
• Wait outside Gyoza no Fukuho for about 20 minutes, then order boiled & pan-fried gyoza (pan-fried is definitely the way to go!), cucumber with miso paste (so simple! so good!), and shochu with soda and lemon. So far being on my own has been a blast, but being the only person dining alone makes me wish my friends were here to experience this. (¥1420)
• Pit stop at the konbini for dessert and this low ABV peach drink (¥809) before I go back to my room. I planned on doing Omoide Yokocho, Golden Gai, and some lesbian bars in Nichome at some point during the first third of this trip (I was VERY optimistic on how quick I would adjust lol), but I’m not feeling it. I contemplate what to do for my last night here…and fall asleep with my makeup on, peach drink unopened. I guess the answer is nothing!

💸 DAY TOTAL: $180.90
DAY 5:

• It’s a travel day! I wanted to get packed last night, but past me decided otherwise, so I am rushing to leave. I do remember to put on perfume—SOTD is 1900 L’Heure de Proust by Les Baines Guerbois. As I tidy, I do a quick taste test of my peach drink (very sweet, but good) and check out at 10:00 am on the dot—at least I’m not late?
• Quick konbini breakfast of pickled plum onigiri, egg sando, and tea ($3.48) before I take the train to Tokyo Station.
• I get lost trying to find the normal entrance, then get lost finding the Studio Ghibli store (which I finally figure out is in the basement—there’s a line to get in, to which I say fuck that, but I have a nice time gazing at the merch from outside), then get lost again trying to find a place to buy bentos (turns out they’re past the shinkansen entrance—I get a bento with eel, my favorite, and tea for $11.62), then get lost finding my train station platform…and miss my train. I find a station attendant and ask if I’m able to change my ticket—he says I would have to pay again to reserve a seat, but with my ticket I can walk onto the next shinkansen and sit in the non-reserved section. Crisis averted!! I’m able to get a window seat (on the side facing away from Mt. Fuji—normally a bummer, but it’s so cloudy you can barely see it anyway) and enjoy my ride to Kyoto, surprisingly motion-sickness free.
• It’s still rainy and gross and I don’t feel like dealing with the bus with my luggage, so I grab a taxi ($9.92). My driver is chatty and I feel insecure about how little Japanese I know, yet pleasantly surprised that I’m able to pick up bits and pieces of his Japanese mixed with English.
• The front desk has me pay a tourist tax ($3.97) before I can get to my room and unpack. It seems like it’s going to be rainy and gross for the rest of my trip, so I’m not motivated to spend much time outside. I try to reframe my mindset to think about how “atmospheric” and “peaceful” the rain will be.
• I decide to have dinner at a sukiyaki spot near the Takase River, but they say they’re full, so instead I put my name down at Huromon Chiba down the street. While I wait, I watch some drunk businessmen yell at passerbys as they walk home—it’s 6:00 pm on a Sunday, but hey, we’ve all been there.
• Finally get in an hour and a half later. Only when I’m given an English menu do I realize that half of it is organ meats. I’m a little hesitant, but when in Rome, right? I don’t mind tripe in my pho—what’s some fourth stomach and heart?? Everything is delicious and I leave absolutely stuffed. (~¥4300)
• I planned on staying out later (Kyoto at night is gorgeous!), but I’m so tired from all the meat that I head back to the hotel.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $28.99
DAY 6:

• Good morning! A running theme in this trip—I wanted to get up early as I plan on hiking to the top of Mt. Inari today, but I am a sleepy woman and struggle to get out of bed. (So sleepy I forget to put on perfume!!) While I wait for my skincare to sink in I decide to buy my Tokyo DisneySea ticket for Thursday ($72.12).
• Eat hotel breakfast then off to Fushimi Inari! It is PACKED at the bottom, mostly with elderly European tour groups(??). Thankfully past the first few stretches of torii it clears out. I was worried about the hike as I am very out of shape, but it’s a breeze aside from the final stretch of stairs. It’s rainy and foggy, so you can’t see much from the top, but still very scenic!
• Along the hike up and down I pick up some souvenirs. At the main shrine I get a goshuin (¥1000) and a fortune (¥200)—bad luck, so I tie it up and leave it behind—and at shrines on the mountain I get a torii-shaped ema (¥1000) for my mom to use as a Christmas ornament (probably sacrilegiously?) and a charm for back pain (¥800)—happy to report that since my previous diary it hasn’t been an issue, but not taking any chances!
• Lunch is udon at Inarinadai Dohachi (¥670). The broth is oddly sweet but otherwise very good!
• My feet are killing me, so I take the train back to the hotel. Once I get there I draw a piping hot bath to soak my feet, then realize I left my fucking umbrella at the udon place!!! They’ve already closed for the day, so I'll have to go back tomorrow. 😭
• I go to Nishiki Market to eat away my sorrows. I get grilled tuna and grilled octopus (¥1000), takoyaki (¥550), and a strawberry daifuku (¥350). It’s really crowded and the food is all just ok (except for the daifuku—the strawberry really helps cut through the richness of the red bean!).
• What IS exciting is the Snoopy store & cafe!! I am not immune to overpriced character merch. I pass on food from the cafe, but walk out with a postcard, chopsticks, and chopstick rest for my roommate and a small dish for myself ($18.43).
• Wander around Teramachi Street. I stop into a random drug store and see they have the eyeliner I want in stock—fucking finally!! I’m so excited I head straight to check-out. (¥715)
• At this point I’m pooped, so I decide to go back to the hotel and get in bed, even though it’s only 8:00 lol.
• TOTAL: $90.55

💸 DAY TOTAL: $
DAY 7:

• Wake up at 5:30 am and cannot fall back asleep. I figure I have plenty of time before I have to get moving, but get stuck in a TikTok binge and only start getting ready at 7:30. So much for waking up early! SOTD is Hermes’s Un Jardin Sur Le Nil.
• I skip hotel breakfast and head to 7/11 instead for curry bread, salmon onigiri, and hojicha (¥513). It’s been raining all morning, but thankfully my hotel has umbrellas guests can borrow.
• Time for some temple/shrine hopping! Walk 30 mins to Kiyomizu-dera and it is uphill the. entire. way. My calves!!! It’s worth it though—it may be crowded and rainy, but it’s beautiful! I pay ¥400 for admission, ¥900 for two charms, and ¥500 for a goshuin.
• Walk down Sanenzaka and Ninenzaka, which are surprisingly empty. I take a break in Maccha House and get a matcha tiramisu and hojicha latte ($7.95).
• Back to temple hopping! I stop by Ryozen Kannon temple (¥300), which apparently is a memorial to fallen WWII soldiers. I remember my grandma’s nutjob husband talking about how he thought it was so ridiculous there were protests at a temple for WWII soldiers because people were ~so offended~ they commemorated convicted war criminals. I do some panic googling and realize he was talking about Yasukuni Jinja, not this place—to my knowledge there are no major war criminals commemorated here? I enjoy the giant Kannon statue with a mostly clear conscience.
• Walk across the parking lot to Kodaiji, pay the ¥600 entrance fee and get a goshuin (¥500). My favorite of the day!! The temple is nice, but the real appeal are the grounds surrounding it. At this point it is pouring rain, so for most of my walk I am the only person around. I enjoy the scenery in their small tea house with matcha and red bean mochi (¥500).
• The rain lets up, so I check out Maruyama Park. Most of the sakura just have buds, but there’s a few plum blossoms on their last legs. I can’t imagine what the park looks like in full bloom!! I curse the bad weather and my poor timing.
• Google Maps says I can get to Chion-in by walking uphill, but I end up in a random Buddhist temple next door—I only realize when I climb a bunch of stairs and reach a dead end. The top has a great view though! The magic of ~getting lost~.
• Finally find my way and enter through a back road. The main temple is HUGE and gorgeous on the inside! I can’t figure out where to get a goshuin, so I move on.
• Walk to Yasaka Jinja. I’m a little underwhelmed, especially since it’s so gray outside—I imagine it’s prettier at night with all the lanterns lit. I get a special pink(!) goshuin which makes up for it (¥500).
• At this point I’m starving, so I decide on zarusoba at Gion Ishi. Not my favorite—even though it comes with wasabi, without broth or dipping sauce it’s pretty bland. The tempura that comes with it is amazing though!! (¥1400) It’s at this point that I remember my lost umbrella again—by the time I take the subway towards Fushimi, the udon place will be closed again, so I consider it lost forever. RIP 03/20/24 — 03/25/24 😭
• I’m cold and my feet hurt, so back to the hotel I go. I spot a Miffy Kitchen on my walk—so cute! I get a Miffy-shaped anpan and a chocolate strawberry milk bread ($4.15).
• I enjoy my snacks while soaking my feet in the hottest water I can tolerate. Of course, this is when it decides to be beautiful and sunny outside.
• Lay down in bed and oops wake up 2 hours later. I decide to wander around Gion again. While there are some bougie historical areas, most of it is just normal urban sprawl—even kind of seedy? Lots of host clubs. While walking down an alleyway I pass by either a normal-looking geiko or a very fancily dressed normal woman. We both stare at each other for an uncomfortably long time.
• Check out around Pontocho Alley—this time I 100% spot a geiko (or maiko? can't fully tell)! Very cool; her kimono looks extremely heavy. I think about getting real dinner at one of the restaurants here, but decide to head straight to a bar I saved called Bar Beetle.
• I wait outside for a good 30+ minutes (and make friends with others in line!) before I can grab a seat. I enjoy a Moscow Mule, a highball, and salami & cheese ($21.83) to some great records. The owner asks if I have a request—I ask for anything by Prince, but he already has Raspberry Beret queued. Our minds! So in-sync! In the bathroom I see a sign saying his dream is to open a bar in Brooklyn, so we have a nice chat about that—I tell him I will be one of the first to go when it opens!
• I leave after last call, thanking the owner profusely. I grab a melonpan, chocolate taiyaki, and Pocari Sweat to wolf down in the hope of preventing a hangover ($3.19). I planned on packing when I got back, but I’m so sleepy and drunk that I tell myself that I’ll handle it in the morning.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $37.12
DAY 8:

• Wake up feeling tired but fine? Than you Pocari Sweat! I take my time getting ready (SOTD is Parisian Musc by Matiere Premiere) and still manage to be out the door before 9:50 am.
• Konbini breakfast of egg sando, cod roe onigiri, and warm hojicha (~¥600) before I take a taxi to Kyoto Station ($11.91). Really sad to be leaving!
• I grab a reserved train ticket ($95.05) with plenty of time to grab food and find my platform—I eventually decide on pork katsu ($8.68).
• Take the shinkansen back to Tokyo. I manage to spot some of Mount Fuji—there is still a lot of cloud cover, but hey, I’ll take it.
• By the time I'm done navigating Tokyo Station again (a scary thing to relive) and take the subway to my next hotel, it's just in time for check-in! I unpack and change, then have a crisis over how I look, realize it’s the bad lighting, still feel weird, but decide to soldier on because I am #brave, then take the bus to Ueno Park an hour and a half later. #justgirlythings 😙✌️
• I stroll down Sakura-dori in Ueno Park. There’s a couple sakura scattered around that have started to bloom, including a weeping cherry, but nothing close to full bloom—damn you, cold snap!! There’s still lots of people picnicking under the trees. I admire their dedication.
• After checking out some closed temples/shrines, I head to Ameyokocho—lots of neat little restaurants and izakayas! I stop at a yakitori place for dinner. I get various kinds of chicken and pork, smashed cucumbers, and grilled squid with two oolong shochus. ($20.11) Even though I'm seated in the back corner, completely isolated, I still have fun.
• I’m borderline drunk, and after passing by some karaoke places, I say fuck it, let’s do some karaoke alone! I get a lemon highball to accompany one hour of my renditions of Beyonce, Madonna, and No Doubt ($17.14).
• Long walk back to the hotel. It’s at this point I have my first true emo moment on this trip. I’m having so much fun, but I miss being around familiar people, I miss my apartment, I miss NY!!! I don’t cry (gotta stay hydrated!), but I do get very wistful as I listen to Karen Carpenter the entire way back.
• Konbini stop! I get some pistachio cannoli thing, matcha baumkutchen, chooclate chip crepe, and a bottle of Aquarius (no Pocari Sweat in stock here—here’s hoping this helps me get in shape enough to tackle The Mouse™ tomorrow) ($4.37). I enjoy my dessert in bed while streaming Fantasy High. Really helps to lift my mood! I nod off in the middle of the episode.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $157.26
DAY 9:

• Up bright and early! The Aquarius worked, thank god. I’m aiming to leave by 7:30 but don’t actually start heading to the subway until 7:45. I speedwalk while eating my crepe (and enjoy my SOTD, J-Scent's Hojicha, which smells also very edible).
• As I’m sitting on the train, I’m wondering why I took one day out of my precious vacation time to do this, but then I spot Space Mountain. Never mind! We are so back! Inject this shit straight into my veins!!
• I get in line for the entrance around 15 mins before opening. So many girls around are wearing their school uniforms—why? Are they required to? Do they just like wearing their uniform on days off? Whatever the reason is, again, these girls know pull them off!
• Finally enter around 9:40. I immediately pay for an express pass for Journey to the Center of the Earth ($9.92) and snag a 40th Anniversary Pass (similar to old Fastpass…those were the days) for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea for around the same time.
• I wander around for a bit--the park is so beautiful! I pass by Soarin’ which has a THREE HOUR wait already.
• I’m hungry, so I get in line for a gyoza bun (delicious) and iced oolong tea (bad—tastes a little like Coke?) ($5.29). When I leave, the line is nearly an hour long. Insanity!
• Stand in line for Aquatopia for about 45 minutes. It’s a cute ride, but wouldn’t have waited that long under normal circumstances.
• More wandering! I get a kick out of the Cape Cod/New York areas—so cute!
• I’m hungry again, so I mobile order fried chicken (which is basically a breaded chicken thigh—so good!), fries, and a black tea ($8.47). While I eat I’m able to book a new 40th Anniversary Pass for the Nemo simulator ride around 4:30.
• By the time I finish eating it’s time for 20,000 Leagues and Center of the Earth. Center of the Earth is incredible but about 30 seconds too short in my opinion. 20,000 Leagues is possibly my fave of the day? It’s so atmospheric—you really feel like you’re underwater.
• I check out the Little Mermaid-themed kids area. Gorg! It started raining so it’s nice to hang out somewhere dry. I hear an instrumental of Part of Your World and get emo thinking about Howard Ashman.
• No time to be sad! Time for another ride! Temple of the Crystal Skull has a single rider line, so I skip the 150 minute wait. Really wish more rides here had them!
• At this point I’ve ridden everything on my list (that are open, at least—so many are closed for maintenance!!), so I think about buying a weeknight passport for Tokyo Disneyland. Is it ridiculous to spend an additional ¥6200 for only 4 hours at another park? Perhaps! But I’m on vacation, the wait times don’t seem too horrible, and it’s supposed to rain for the rest of the day so hopefully people will leave…I think it over while I look for a place to buy an umbrella. (If only I had my old one with me! Fly high, queen!)
• Find a poncho ($5.95) and reach the level of delulu where I say fuck it, let’s go right now! I cancel my Fastpass for Nemo. I keep getting an error when I try to buy tickets through Disney, so instead I buy it through Klook ($72.18).
• Get to Disneyland at 3:00 pm sharp! I have 6 hours to cram in as much as I can. This is my Super Bowl. First stop is Roger Rabbit! 40-minute wait turned out to be close to an hour.
• I’m peckish and notice a popcorn stand has no line, so I get a bag of pistachio popcorn ($2.65). It just tastes like kettlecorn.
• I scarf my popcorn down while waiting in line for Pinocchio—it’s only a 25 minute wait and I’m a sucker for classic dark rides.
• It’s at this point that I must make a big decision: do I aim for Splash Mountain, Monsters Inc, or Beauty and the Beast? The latter has the longest line at 180(!) minutes, but is top of my must do. Hmmm. I go to Gaston’s Tavern to mull this over and get a beef stew meat pie and an apple-caramel churro ($8.47).
• I decide that I do not value my time, sanity, and wellbeing and get in line for Beauty and the Beast. It ends up only (only! 😫) being a 2 hour wait. 100% worth it! A beautiful dark ride based off one of my fave Disney movies…how could I not love it? So many cool animatronics.
• I have an hour and a half left until close, so I scurry over to Monsters Inc. with the hope of fitting in maybe one more ride after. The wait ends up taking the full posted 80 minutes. Oh well!
• Walk to the Monorail to take the subway back. My dogs? They are barking. My legs? Also hurt. Everything hurts.
• On the walk from the station to the hotel, I pass by a konbini and grab a curry bun, strawberry ice cream, chocolate cake, tea, and water ($6.15). I immediately lay on my bed and enjoy my dessert horizontal. Feels amazing to be off my feet!
• As soon as I’m done eating I pass out. Good night!

💸 DAY TOTAL: $119.08
DAY 10:

• Wake up around 8:30. It’s supposed to rain all morning, so I take my time getting ready and do some strategizing—I have a LOT of souvenir shopping to do! SOTD is Deux from Trudon which is very calming.
• I pull ¥10,000 from 7-11 ($66.89) as I’m low on cash before I head towards Senso-ji. Big temple! Very cool! I get a fortune (¥100) (just okay) and more charms for family (¥2000).
• Walk along Nakamise-dori. Very crowded and mostly full of souvenir stands, but thankfully there are very few people on the side streets. I decide to get some key chains for my brothers (¥1450) before walking back up towards Senso-ji to get a goshuin (¥500).
• Lunch time! I go to Tatsunoya for a delicious & very filling pork katsu set (¥1300). It’s served with yellow-orange paste that I assume is miso, so I take a huge glob of it, then realize when my nose starts burning it’s wasabi. Ouch. My sinuses have never been more clear.
• It’s finally sunny, so I walk to Sumida Park, which apparently is great for hanami, but I wouldn’t know as most of the sakura haven’t bloomed!!!! Oh well. The view of the Sumida River is great though!
• My feet are already killing me, so I go back to the room to drop some of my stuff & do a quick hot soak. While I’m on my phone I see Beyonce is in Shibuya doing signings for her new album??? So random. Tempted to go as I’m a big fan, but time is precious.
• Off to Kappabashi-dori! I get a bunch of ceramics and some chopsticks ($73.15), some for me but mostly for others.
• Drop shit in room, add ¥1000 to my Suica ($6.62), and off to Harajuku for more shopping. In hindsight, really wish I swapped my hotels for the first and last third of this trip! This 40 min subway ride is not it.
• Go to Kiddyland to find Sonny Angels. They are out.
• Walk to Pop Market to get a figure for a friend ($11.12). I ask if they have Sonny Angels in stock. They do not.
• Quick break from the search! I go to Onitsuka Tiger and get a pair of Mexico 66s for myself ($106.85).
• Back to souvenir shopping. Pick up some makeup for me and other random souvenirs for friends at Loft—still no Sonny Angels! ($61.86)
• Big haul of KitKats and random souvenirs at the Mega Don Quijote, Sonny Angel-less. ($106.07). Jesus fucking christ! Will have to bring back something else for the friends who requested them.
• Finally take the subway back to the hotel. I’ve reached a level of foot pain where I’ve transcended the concept of feet. I check my step count and see today surpasses my temple-hopping day in Kyoto. Insane. I pass through Senso-ji on my walk from the station—so pretty at night!
• Finally get to the room and realize I am ravenously hungry. I decide on ramen and gyoza from Kibitaro (~¥1700). Pretty good!
• Final konbini stop (~¥1500) of crème brulee ice cream, a matcha waffle, egg sando, salmon onigiri, green tea, and a bottle of water. I soak my feet again (not up for a full-body bath) and eat my dessert very sadly. Can’t believe I’m leaving!
• Pack most of my stuff and try to stay up as late as possible before finally succumbing to sleep at 3 am.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $432.56
DAY 11:

• Good morning! Time to get ready for the airport. I don’t get out of the hotel until 8 am, but I'm not stressed--I have plenty of time!
• Take forever to find the elevator entrance for the Asakusa Line, hop on the subway, think after an hour hmm, doesn’t seem like we’ve reached the airport yet…then look at the map and see that we PASSED the airport and I’m halfway to Yokohama. 😭😭😭 Unlike my train from Haneda, I needed to transfer at a previous stop. Google Maps did not tell me this! What the fuck!
• I get off at the next stop, lowkey freaking out as I board my flight soon, get to the airport 45 minutes later, and am at my gate shortly after as checking my bag and security took all of 5 minutes. Thank god.
• As I have some extra time, I grab some last-minute souvenirs ($61.54) and spend my remaining bills at 7-Eleven (~¥2000)—I still have a bunch of coins, but I'm counting this as a win—and get to my gate just in time for boarding. I am so sweaty and stressed. If only me from a few hours ago knew what was in her future.
• Time for the long flight back! I’m seated next to a VERY chatty West Point student which helps make the time pass. I watch a bunch of movies and take mini-naps.
• Land 12 hours later and it’s 11:00 am…again! Feels like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Breeze through customs, grab my bags, and take an Uber back to my apartment ($0 —thank you parents!). Seeing the familiar surroundings is so strange—it’s really sinking in that this trip is OVER! Happy to be home, but sad to have left.
• Get home and as my roommate isn’t here to help me stay awake, I immediately fall asleep while watching the new Drag Race ep.

💸 DAY TOTAL: $61.54

Trip Totals

Transport: $1792.63
Accommodation: $850
Food + Drink: $319.16
Fun / Entertainment: $239
Shopping: $737.26
Other: $244.66
GRAND TOTAL: $4,182.71

Reflection

I gave myself a big budget for this trip, but WOW did I spend a lot! It was worth every penny, but it does make me wonder how much I spend in my daily life that I would rather put towards travel. I don't have a dedicated travel fund but will have one going forward. (At the same time, looking at other people's savings on here makes me think I should nix the travel fund entirely in favor of contributing more towards retirement...or I could just do both lol.)
It's weird--while this trip had a lot of emotions behind it, once I was there I mostly felt...normal? I had several friends joke that this was my "eat pray love" moment, but it wasn't the trip itself that ~changed my life~ (it probably did, but not in a way I can immediately recognize); it was the booking & planning of it--choosing to take time (and money!) towards traveling. Even though I felt uncomfortable talking about it, it was nice to (somewhat) let go of the idea I had that people (including myself!) think I'm frivolous, or unserious, etc., for doing this trip and doing it alone. Money is very emotional!
If you got to the end of this, thanks for reading! <3

Hi all. I am writing a post primarily to reflect on the finances. It might be a long post, a bit hectic since I am trying to formulate what I think, but it is what it is, and I try to keep a very realistic image. Also, maybe someone could benefit from it or have a further discussion, since I really care about this part, and ideally I'd like to have some outside opinion, since I really don't discuss that much with other people, not at that level of details. Also, I made likely a lot of stupid mistakes, since I was really procrastinating this area (after all, it's very deep and demands a lot of psychological resolutions as well).
So, as part of my recent 2-year agenda, I have been trying to "unscrew" my life. Though, it wasn't particularly bad, and in some areas quite good, but I feel like I was still significantly inefficient, and with a lot of "low-hanging fruits" so to say. One part of it was to analyse the working regimen: when, how long do I work, on what types of projects, etc. It's quite easy, since I always record 25 minute chunks by Pomodoro, and I record divided per my "areas of life". For instance, I'd record "Finances calculate" and then I'd see all the stats over the past 2 years about what activities I was actually doing. Yesterday I have reflected on the 40h week, and why it's a myth, and what are the "subcomponents" that influence the work (for instance, it's not only quantity, but also intensity and accuracy/useful effect of work, which are much harder to measure and strategize). Either way, that is the first part, and it's tangentially relevant to my finances. Obviously, the work hour (however "bad" and inaccurate this measure could be) => income hour, and it's also in the time continuum would be important for future financial decisions.
​
Income and wealth:
Currently, I have ~3600 euro after tax (incl 13th salary), which would last for another ~2 years (since in a PhD, and really don't see a lot of ++ in salary growth). Note, that it was also increased just 3 months ago by ~500 euros (so before, it was really around ~2800-2900e/month). I have inherited in Russia an appartment, which was rented while I was studying for income, and then sold, since the economy there is not worthwhile for keeping the property in. The final price was 118k euros, about in mid-2022. Currently, from that appartment, I have around 36k euros. They were and are invested in wealth management, mid-risk, so it's about 12% growth (really started in the October or so).
The constant drainage on the wealth was making me crazy, so that's partially why I am in this "hurt, but recovering" state, hopefully with some experience and potential to recover (financially, morally, in terms of general life well-being). Now, the price could have been even higher, but a lot of it was spent.
​
Expenses (over the past year):
Now, I didn't really keep the books about the expenses prior to that one year, but these expenses could characterize how I was spending the money. Also, they are not 100%, but about 95% or so, give or take, take note. I will go category by category, and hopefully that would help me with accepting and going on, with being smarter.
​
====Necessary monthly expenses==== : ~2047e/month
These are really the necessary expenses, which just must be paid as they are, mostly.
- Rent/amenities - 875e/month + ~60e heat/energy + 112 internet = 1047e (or about a third)
per 60 sqm with 2 terraces appartment (living w/ a wife). Generally, quite nice appartment, nice location, low prices, so quite enough. I could consider myself lucky on that (though, could have been 300e if lived in a studio, but ok - not enough for 2 people, and also unlikely).
- Groceries - ~900-1000e (about another third)
Per two persons, with a lot of protein, carbs, etc. Could have been "smarter" in terms of eating more of the food, without some occasional spoiled batches of vegetables etc. Even then, a lot of healthy food, meats, nuts, chips (ok, quite expensive)
- Bureaucracy/documents - ~50e/month
Quite critical for keeping the documents in order. Mostly just takes a lot of time however, but sometimes demands money to pay for the certificates, etc., in certain months.
​
====Not necessary, but quite useful expenses==== : ~510e/month
- Cleaning - ~60e/month
Twice a month cleaning, unloads a lot of our work time, which is better spent on other things.
- Home renovations/improvements - ~2000-4000e total (over the past year) => ~300-400e/month
Includes furniture, decoration, etc. Some of it purely decorative, some functional. Helps a lot. For instance, I have 3 monitor screens for my work, and it boosts my productivity. Makes the life a lot more comfortable. A huge upfront expense however. Also makes me less mobile, since I am unlikely to change appartment. Some of it is related to a hobby/leisure (see below).
- Clothing - ~1000e/year => 100e/month
Not critical, but the clothing is quite cheap since it's non-commercial brand and my wife knows how to find good fit clothing. Thus, an expense critical, and likely will stay for a while low, since I bought a lot of the clothing for myself.
​
====Leisure activities ==== : ~2050e/month
Here, I will describe all the expenses that are purely leisure. Some are "good" (that are healthy, almost necessary for proper well-being) and some are "bad" (like quite a lot of drinking at the restaurants or ciagarettes).
- Hotels - ~400e/month average => mostly 600-1400e on some months.
- Travel tickets - ~200e/month, but again, mostly 400-800e on specific months when we travelled.
The two are obviously related. Travels were really a big chunk of why I have overdrafted my budget. Now, since my wife was away in Russia and getting a visa, we somewhat HAD to travel together in 3rd places (like Georgia). But even then, there were a number of dumb mistakes, like "I have the money, I want to fly business class and stay 5-star, since it's relatively cheap (compared to e.g., Amsterdam, which is by itself was overpriced, lol)". We had travelled to around 14 cities over this period. Now, I don't know if it's either the travels should have been budgeted better (i.e., couldn't have been REALLY made 50-60% reductions), or that we simply couldn't afford that much travelling, but definitely there were made some mistakes and/or unaffordable (money- and time-wise). Furthermore, as a doctoral student, I am travelling 1-3 times a year per job (compensated), so that was really over the top in that regard as well.
- Bars and restaurants - ~550e/month (varies from ~300 to 1100 on some months) A lot of my resting (before I started trying calculate the finances, in March 2023), involved me and my wife just eating out, drinking 2-3 bottles there (obviously overpriced), then taking taxi back home.
- Uber eats/food delivery - ~200-300e/month
We often ordered food, sometimes 50-70e per order, while we were at home, and lazy to cook (after hangover). Plus, we often wanted to eat as a way of resting. Plus when travelling, it's likely that we'd order food delivery, sometimes several times (since it got old and we didn't want to finish it).
-Uber taxi - ~100-300e/month
I generally don't like public transport, since in Russia it was quite cheap, but then it accumulates, if you travel all the time from museum A to museum B for instance. Not all of that was over-the-top, but like 80-90% of this expense could have been removed.
-Hobby/leisures - ~200-600e/month Now this category is quite approximate. I usually buy it from Amazon. However, this can be considered a truly "good" investment in a sense that I usually prefer buying books, I started microelectronics hobby (though, then overdrafted on the time budget), and generally this helped me making a transition from bars/restaurants towards other types of activities. Obviously, they are also quite expensive, but often I find them "transferable" into my potential to grow the future incomes (since I am also trying to draw from these books, become a better socializer, understand better about the world, etc.) Again, maybe 10-20% of the reductions could have been made here (since I bought some things, which are really non-sensical for me to maintain time-/effort-wise, but *CONSUMERISM HITS HARD*, and I was spared too much on this front, I believe?).
-Shopping - ~100e-200e/month
Really includes just things for me, my wife, and other things that are not really useful, but kind of neat, idk what else to say.
-Cigarettes - ~50e/month An obviously stupid thing, but I can't get it all out too fast. But, it seems more than it is, since I throw out cigarette packs often (making it look like ~10e per 1 cigarette).
​
====Investing into myself==== : ~1200e/month
Now, here could be also included hobby/leisures partially. But it's primarily about "serious" skill development and maintaining of health.
- Doctors - ~320e/month
Includes dental work, general practitioners, etc. Not too much detail here, but obviously an important long-term investment.
- Psychotherapy/Consultations - ~300e/month
An important subcomponent of health investments. Here I have a lot of help coming to help me dig me out of the holes in my life. Again, I can't say that currently it's terrible, but obviously with a lot of potential improvements. I think, finally, it gets me at a place, where I can improve, for instance, by having this post I can reflect and self-correct, so it's quite a skill imo. Also, if I resolve these issues now, I can cut about 80% of crap that makes me unhappy and at risk of crises, such as personal financial crisis, etc.
- Fitness - ~55e/month
Includes fitness subscription, proteins. I've also paid a fitness instructor for 20 sessions for ~600e. A crucial thing for long-term investment, plus it also makes me healthier, maintains intelligence with working out, more attractive, etc.
- French - ~330e/month
A private French tutor, who really helps me on brushing up a third language. Obviously critical for future social and career opportunities, and also develops my intelligence and knowledge.
- Tattoo - ~600-1000e/year => ~100e/month
I'd consider it a purely visual appeal boost. Not necessary, but somehow feels quite right in a way that I've always wanted. Now, not really going that much to tattoo.
- Education - ~1300e/year => ~100e/month
A thing that helps me, like reading books, doing courses, education. Diving courses are also included here, for instance.
​
TOTAL EXPENSES: ~5762e/month
TOTAL AVERAGE OVERDRAFT: ~2162e/month (~3000-4000e/month in the March-September).
Note that the variability in expenses is there. Plus, over the past 3-4 months really, I have been trying to minimize the overdraft by not drinking that much or going to bars/restaurants that much. Before it, the overdraft was higher, at around ~3000-4000e/month.
Now, this is also shown in my decline of the savings (I started calculating in March, where I had ~70k in savings, and now down to ~36k). Typically, I have withdrawn of around ~1.5-2k in the last three months from the savings.
​
REFLECTIONS/FINDINGS:
So, having the recounting out of the way, I would like to reflect. It's really quite depressing and was even more stressful to see how there were a lot of stupid mistakes. At least, having them out of the way, it could improve the situation.
I have plotted in new numbers (i.e., expected cuts to get down the overdrafting), and got about the following:
​
EXPENSE: REAL: CUT:
Necessary monthly expenses 2047 2047
Rent/amenities 1047 1047
Groceries 950 950
Bureaucracy/documents 50 50
Not necessary, but useful 510 165
Cleaning 60 60
Home renovations/improvements 350 35
Clothing 100 70
Leisure activities 2100 435
Hotels 400 80
Travel tickets 200 40
Bars and restaurants 550 40
Uber eats/food delivery 250 50
Uber taxi 200 0
Hobby/Leisures 300 150
Cigarettes 50 0
Shopping 150 75
Investing into myself 1205 1105
Doctors/Health 320 230
Psychotherapy/Consultations 300 300
Fitness 55 55
French 330 330
Tattoo 100 100
Education 100 100
TOTAL SUM: 5862 3752
INCOME: 3600 3600
OVERDRAFT: 2262 152
​
Primarily, I find that I have withdrew a lot from the leisure activities. The final overdraft is about 150-250 euros/month. I find that it's quite hard to make it a 0 or a net positive, simply due to the necessity of going to French, visiting health/doctors. These investments are kind of must have. Plus, the education on new skills can be reocurring, since investment into myself is always a priority.
Unfortuantely, I also have planned major expenses (on dental implants), and I plan to save by going to cheaper countries, since it can be x2-x3 cheaper (w/o compromising on the quality).
The primary cut is on the hotels/travel tickets, bars/restaurants, taxi riding, cigarettes. I still retain the ability to travel to decent cheaper places (w/ a budget of 1500e/year on hotels/tickets + 350e leisure activities budget), plus I get compensated for travelling (where work output -> travelling to the conferences).
The main question, however, is whether and how I would be able to maintain that low overdraft? Should I keep like a separate account and/or just count the # of money that I've spent on things? Because for me, it seems like I have around a budget of 350e on leisures per month (for two persons). I'd not keep the necessary, not necessary/useful nor investing into myself in a separate bank account, since they are not easy to overdraft, and even then, they'd be mostly positive net return, with a little overdrafting contributing to it.
Tell me what you think about this. Thanks!

https://web.archive.org/web/20210419222349/https://breaknutrition.com/omega-6-fatty-acids-alternative-hypothesis-diseases-civilization/

Omega-6 fatty acids: the alternative hypothesis for diseases of civilization

by breaknutrition Aug 25, 2017

Diseases of civilization

The world is facing a health crisis of unprecedented proportions. What have become known as chronic diseases, Western Diseases, or Diseases of Civilization (DC), have become pandemic as populations around the world adopt the lifestyle that first became prevalent in the country that perfected industrialization, the United States.

What are they?

The DCs revolve around the Metabolic Syndrome (MetSyn), a set of signs of disease that include central obesity, excess fats (or fatty acids) in the blood, high blood pressure and excess blood sugar. The diseases that associate with the MetSyn include the biggest killers in the industrial nations: heart disease, cancer, diabetes, neurological illnesses such as Alzheimer’s and host of seemingly unrelated autoimmune conditions.
Many causes have been blamed for the spread of the DCs; including lack of exercise, wheat consumption, excess consumption of calories, carbohydrates, sugar, animal fats, meat, environmental toxins such as pollutants or pesticides, genetics (most implausibly) and any cluster of associations dreadfully referred to as ‘multi-factorial’.
Each of these proposed causal factors fails, in my view, to explain the pandemic. What I’d like to introduce is an alternative hypothesis, one that better fits the observed epidemiology and that has clearly-described mechanisms that explain much of the pathology for the DCs.
Since it started in America, we’ll start with America. In the late 1800s and early 1900s three events occurred almost simultaneously. First, a method of detoxifying cottonseed oil, which had been an industrial waste product of the cotton industry, was discovered . Next came a method to ‘hydrogenate’ cottonseed oil, or make it into a solid-at-room-temperature edible fat . Thus cottonseed oil and the hydrogenated derivative known as Crisco—introduced in 1911—entered the food supply in large quantities for the first time .
Simultaneously, America began to experience heart disease in large quantities. Previously a very rare condition, heart disease quickly became an epidemic, and the relatively new modern medical profession began to track it, and attempt to devise treatments . Similarly, cancer “control” became a concern, with the forerunner of the American Cancer Society being founded in 1913 .

The single biggest change in the American diet over the 20th century was the increase in seed oils, which increased 1000-fold

What changed?

America, a massive agricultural exporting nation, exported the fruits of the industrial revolution, which included new foodstuffs, including white wheat flour, sugar and vegetable fatty acids— so called to distinguish them from the traditional animal fatty acids that had been used as food since human evolution.

I will refer to vegetable fats (or fatty acids) as seed oils, to distinguish fats made from seeds such as cotton, corn, soy, rape and others from fatty acids made from fruit like olives or palm fruit. This will become important later on.

Wherever American industrially-produced foods were introduced, DCs soon followed. Although not generally well known now, a number of doctors and scientists recognized the impact of industrial foods on populations abandoning their traditional diets for what has become known as the Standard American Diet (SAD) . I prefer the acronym MAD, Modern American Diet, as the American diet prior to industrialization was a largely meat-based one, and did not produce the same diseases, and will use that throughout . Original graph is from Teicholz, N., The Big Fat Surprise, Simon & Schuster: New York, 2014.

Japan as the canary in the coal-mine

While there are many cases we could examine, perhaps the most telling was the MAD being introduced to post-WWII Japan. After the Japanese surrender, America took over the southern Japanese island of Okinawa, and used it for their base of operations. Unlike most other traditional cultures into which the MAD was introduced, Japan was a highly industrialized country. Yet Okinawans still ate a traditional diet that revolved around pork, yams, and fresh vegetables, and made them famous as one of the “Blue Zones”, a population with exceptionally long lifespans—in fact, the longest in the world .
What is less known is what happened after America took control. The first American fast-food restaurant opened in Okinawa, 9 years before Tokyo, to meet the American soldiers’ appetite. Okinawans also enjoyed American fast food and rapidly adopted it as their own . In that one generation, DCs exploded into Okinawa. Fathers attending the deaths of their sons became a common occurrence, with obesity, heart disease and cancer becoming common.
Hirome Okuyama, a Japanese scientist exploring the dramatic change in longevity in Okinawa, in 1996 published a paper pointing the finger clearly :

Dietary fatty acids – the N-6/N-3 balance and chronic elderly diseases. Excess linoleic acid and relative n-3 deficiency syndrome seen in Japan
“The age distribution of the survival rates of male Okinawans in 1990 is also interesting. The mortalities from all causes for the generations over 70 years of age were the lowest, whereas for those males less than 50 years old they were the highest among the 47 prefectures…”

In a single generation, Okinawa went from the lowest mortality in Japan to the highest

Seed-oils and refined flours brought DCs to Japan

This one incident clearly disproves a number of leading hypotheses on the emergence of DC. It’s clearly not genetic (although that’s a factor, especially in Japan), as gene networks underlying complex adaptations don’t change that quickly. It’s not just caused by total carbohydrates per se, as the Okinawans had a high carb diet with tubers, rice and fruit prior to Americans arriving .
Americans introduced much larger quantities of cheap refined flours which replaced the Okinawan carb sources. It’s not caused by meat, as the rest of Japan had a huge increase in meat consumption after WWII, and longevity increased, unlike in Okinawa. It’s not caused by animal fatty acids, as they were rapidly replaced by cheap seed oils imported from America—which introduced a program to ‘Americanize’ the Japanese diet.
It’s unlikely to be caused by saturated fatty acids, as consumption of saturated fat was and remains lower in Japan than it was or is in America, and there are no mechanisms to explain how natural saturated fatty acids causes disease. Environmental toxins are an unlikely explanation too, as, while Japan was industrialized, Okinawa didn’t experience a major change in that regard.
There’s also no possibility of a local environmental factor in Okinawa, as Japanese who moved to America saw a similar increase in DCs. And just to throw it out there, this also disproves the cholesterol-heart disease hypothesis, as cholesterol is not associated with heart disease in Japan, but with increased longevity .

Excess Linoleic Acid Syndrome (ELAS)

In my reading, the diseases that surround the MetSyn share common traits. Inflammation and insulin resistance are oft-cited, but perhaps more significant traits include mitochondrial dysfunction, apoptosis (cell death), necrosis (tissue death) and genetic damage.
These point to the common mechanism, named ELAS by Okuyama . I think it’s the best candidate for cause and best explanation of the MetSyn and related, chronic DCs.

What’s Linoleic acid?

Linoleic acid (LA) is an Omega 6 fatty acid (n-6 PUFA) fat which is considered essential to human and animal function. To head folks off at the pass, n-6 fatty acids are found in all natural foods, plants and animals, so this isn’t something you need to avoid entirely – it’s not possible, nor necessary.
There are three major kinds of fatty acids. LA is a polyunsaturated fatty acid (PUFA) . It’s joined by monounsaturated fatty acids (MUFA) such as oleic acid (named for olive oil) and saturated fatty acids (SFA) such as stearic acid (named for steers, beef) or palmitic acid (named for palm oil). Fish oil is also a PUFA, but of the omega-3 variety (n-3 PUFA).
Omega 6 fatty acids are primarily made by plants, as are the similar n-3 PUFAs, and are concentrated up the food chain by animals eating those plants. The major sources of Omega 6 fatty acids in the MAD are oils refined from seeds and animals fed a high proportion of seeds.
PUFAs have traits which make them of interest: they’re highly susceptible to oxidation (rancidity), unlike MUFA or SFA, and they’re used throughout the body as building blocks for tissues and for various signaling functions, after being converted into other chemicals.

The rancidity of PUFAs is the root of the problem

When food goes rancid, it usually smells and taste bad because the MUFAs and PUFAs have decomposed into peroxides . Both n-6 and n-3 PUFAs are highly likely to go rancid. Humans don’t detect the rancidity of Omega 6 fatty acids particularly well, they smell slightly stale and people actually prefer the taste.
Contrast this to rancid n-3 PUFAs and imagine eating a rotten fish. No thanks! This is likely because concentrated n-6 foods were rare until the modern era .

The problems with rancid PUFAs

Both n-3 and n-6 PUFAs going rancid produce toxins, but the n-6 fatty acids produce worse toxins. Most notable of these—and best studied—are acrolein, HNE, and MDA; although there are many others. Collectively, they’re called oxidized linoleic acid metabolites (OxLAMs). Acrolein is the acute toxin found in cigarette smoke. HNE is the best marker of effects of ELAS, as it is only produced from n-6 fatty acids. All three are both produced in cooking or heating n-6 fatty acids, but are also produced in the body. How toxic are these products? Cooking with seed oils is the leading cause of lung cancer in non-smoking women in China .
The list of toxicities of these three chemicals is most impressive. Acrolein is a biocide, meaning toxic to all life. HNE and MDA are less bad than that but are cytotoxic (kill living cells), mutagenic (induce mutations in DNA) and genotoxic (destroy DNA). OxLAMs are also highly reactive, which means they can combine with other molecules in the body, inducing and stimulating malfunction .

A primary mechanism of ELAS

An increase in Omega 6 fatty acids consumption rapidly remodels the tissues in the body, as the fats are replaced throughout. In some tissues it happens within weeks, in others, like the human brain, it appears to take much longer . Increased n-6 consumption rapidly remodels cartilage, for instance, in all species studied, driving out the more stable omega-9 fatty acids (Oleic acid is a n-9 MUFA) . The same happens in mitochondria . As mentioned, mitochondrial dysfunction and DNA damage is a signature of the MetSyn and all related diseases. It’s seen in the fat cells in obesity, in the pancreas in diabetes and in the lining of the vessels of the heart in atherosclerosis, as well as in conditions of heart failure, fatty liver disease, neurological diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, and, most notably, cancer.

OxLAMs trigger destructive chain reaction events

The mechanism for this is well-described, although not well-recognized. Excess n-6 linoleic acid (LA) consumption causes a remodeling of a molecule called cardiolipin in the mitochondria, the key energy-producing part of cells in all higher life forms. Cardiolipin comprised of LA is uniquely susceptible to oxidation compared to n-3 PUFAs, MUFAs or SFAs and this can happen spontaneously, as LA oxidation can be catalyzed by iron and cardiolipin is in constant contact with iron atoms in mitochondria. When cardiolipin oxidizes, a chain reaction can start. In vitro, so on the lab bench, this reaction continues until all cardiolipin is consumed, but luckily our body has countermeasures .
In this process OxLAMs are produced. HNE, for instance, causes other cardiolipin molecules to oxidize, thus potentially causing a self-sustaining chain reaction. Reactive Oxygen Species (ROS) are produced in the reaction, which can also cause adjacent cardiolipin to oxidize .
However, OxLAMs are several orders of magnitude more damaging to the bodies than simple ROS . HNE itself can induce the production of ROS. Oxidized cardiolipin causes mitochondrial dysfunction, as mitochondria are impaired with oxidized cardiolipin .
What follows is mitochondria either collapsing, inducing apoptosis or necrosis . Apoptosis is seen throughout DCs—in cancer the cells are essentially ignoring the apoptotic signal and going rogue. The Warburg Effect noted in cancers is thought to be a cellular reaction to mitochondrial dysfunction in which the cells adopt an alternative energy pathway to better suit their uncontrolled proliferation.
Thomas Seyfried, who has contributed much to the field of cancer metabolism, notes that dysfunctional cardiolipin has always been observed in cancer cells so far . Necrosis is seen in late-stage DCs, such as atherosclerosis, cirrhosis of the liver, heart failure and Alzheimer’s.
Once loose in the cells, the OxLAMs rapidly propagate, in a process known as Oxidative Stress (OxStr). HNE and MDA are the primary markers used to measure OxStr. ROS cannot leave mitochondria which are well prepared for them, but OxLAMs, being water-soluble, rapidly distribute throughout the cells and beyond. OxLAMs are also a regular part of mitochondrial function: HNE induces mitochondria to downregulate as a basic negative-feedback mechanism.
Presumably this is to limit HNE creation and the spare the important antioxidant glutathione (GSH), as well as the aldehyde dehydrogenase enzyme (ALDH). GSH and ALDH are both important in protecting the body against evolutionarily-expected levels of HNE. Unfortunately for us, excess HNE can impair the function of both GSH and ALDH, thus allowing propagation of a runaway chain-reaction.
Decreased levels of GSH are a typical sign of excess production of HNE, and a dietarily induced deficiency in GSH production predisposes to the DCs . A genetic deficiency in ALDH, which is highly prevalent in Japan and China, predisposes to all DCs .

Tissue health as a function of levels of different fatty acids

Confusingly, assays of n-6 status in pathological tissues often show a lower level of n-6 than other fatty acids, and in these cases, addition of n-6 can actually improve function. This appears to be due to the chain reaction depleting LA or arachidonic acid (AA). The latter is a long-chain n-6 fatty acid produced in the body from LA. N-6 levels are lower, but HNE levels have risen as N-6 is converted into OxLAMs .
OxLAMs can bind to and alter the function of DNA, both in the mitochondrion and cell nucleus. In fact, they appear to be the leading cause of genetic damage, as the markers used for genetic damage are those generated by OxLAMs . Widespread generation of mutagenic and genotoxic chemicals in a live organism (in vivo) would go a long way towards explaining the genetic damage common in DCs.

OxLAMs are inflammatory

OxLAMs such as HNE directly induce inflammation, increasing inflammatory markers. Excess levels of LA-derived AA also induces inflammation, as it is used to build chemicals that send pro-inflammatory messages to the body. The mechanism of anti-inflammatory drugs such as aspirin, NSAIDs and Cox-2 inhibitors partially impairs this pathway.
It appears that a fundamental job of macrophages, an immune-system cell that attacks foreign cells, is to remove toxic OxLAMs from the tissues. Macrophage infiltration into tissue is seen in various DCs other than atherosclerosis, including obesity . One explanation is that the modifications made by OxLAMs to molecules cause those molecules to resemble Pathogen-Associated Molecular Patterns (PAMPs)—the molecules appear the same to macrophages as those on bacteria.
Antibodies for oxidized LDL cholesterol (OxLDL) exist and development of these antibodies for therapy against atherosclerosis has revealed the antibodies to be equally sensitive to bacteria-derived lipopolysaccharides and OxLDL .
Anti-cardiolipin antibodies are seen in several severe autoimmune diseases and are only sensitive to oxidized cardiolipin. Thus excess n-6 is a known cause of autoimmunity. It may be the fundamental cause of the increase in allergic diseases seen in Okinawa and around the world .

Specific disease pathologies

Cardiovascular Disease (CVD)

Goldstein and Brown received a Nobel Prize for discovering the LDL receptor . The next thing they tried to do was to induce the first stage of atherosclerosis, the conversion of macrophages into foam cells, which form the core of the atherosclerotic plaques that are thought to cause heart disease. They failed . Steinberg and Witztum then discovered that LDL must be modified through oxidation to cause macrophages to become foam cells

The nature of the substrate for lipid peroxidation, mainly the in lipid esters and cholesterol, is a dominant influence in determining susceptibility. As noted by Esterbauer et al. (52), there is a vast excess of in LDL, in relationship to the content of natural, endogenous antioxidants. The importance of the fatty acid composition was impressively demonstrated by our recent studies of rabbits fed a diet high in linoleic acid (18:2) or in oleic acid (18:1) for a period of 10 wk. LDL isolated from the animals on oleic acid-rich diet were greatly enriched in oleate and low in linoleate. This LDL was remarkably resistant to oxidative modification, measured either by direct parameters of lipid peroxidation

Esterbauer discovered HNE which is always present in atherosclerotic lesions in all species. Oxidized n-6 PUFAs comprise a large proportion of the fatty acids found in these plaques . OxLDL is the second-best known predictor of myocardial infarction, exceeded only by the OxLDL/HDL ratio (HDL is high-density lipoprotein) .
Other aspects of circulatory disease, such as varicose veins and erectile dysfunction, also display increased rates of OxStr, as determined by the presence of OxLAMs. HNE and oxLDL are active throughout the pathological process to create foam cells, induce macrophage entrance into the lining of the vessels and spur apoptosis, necrosis as well as DNA damage seen in atherosclerosis.
Steinberg and Witztum followed up their rabbit study with a human study, which confirmed the importance of LA in creating OxLDL . Other studies have confirmed the effect. The most successful CVD prevention trial ever, the Lyon Diet Heart Study, which produced a 70% reduction in CVD rates, specifically reduced the consumption of LA and increased the consumption of n-3 and n-9 fats.
It adds validation to the mechanism in humans but should be noted that the metabolites were not measured . Clearing HNE reduces atherosclerotic lesions in an animal model .
Similarly, oxidative activities of OxLAMs are seen in varicose veins, with these markers always being present at affected areas . Erectile dysfunction also appears to be a consequence of this process. Erectile dysfunction drugs, aside from the obvious effects, also have an antioxidant effect, and appear to prolong life in those with vascular diseases .

Cancer

Cancer is considered by many to not be a single disease but a wide array of diseases with, so far as we know, different causes. Viruses are a well-known cause of certain cancers, so it is safe to say that there is no single causal agent of cancer, however appealing that prospect would be.
Much of the pathological behavior of cancer cells can be explained by the effects of OxStr: mitochondrial dysfunction, genetic damage, and a shift to glycolysis despite the presence of oxygen. HNE damages and impairs the function of pyruvate dehydrogenase, the enzyme that allows substrates produced by glycolysis to enter the mitochondria .
This loss, combined with malfunctioning mitochondria emitting high rates of ROS and OxLAMs, may explain the metabolic dysregulation and anti-oxidant upregulation often seen in cancer cells.
Epidemiological work has shown low rates of cancer in populations eating traditional diets. In Asians, migration to industrialized countries increases breast cancer rates many-fold to the point where they reach Western levels .
LA in the diet is in fact required to induce cancer in animals experimentally. The cancer-promoting effects of LA increase as it increases in the diet. This effect plateaus at around 4.4% of total energy, well below levels of consumptions seen in industrial civilizations .
One of the hallmark traits of cancer cells is the seemingly random mutations pervading unstable and disorganized nuclear genomes. There can be tens of thousands of mutations, much fewer than that and sometimes none at all . For many cancers, the theory of it resulting from a single mutation doesn’t hold for most cancers. HNE and MDA both damage DNA in vivo and HNE preferentially damages the p53 gene. The latter is part of the body’s natural cancer-control mechanism and is defective in colorectal and hepatocellular cancers .

Obesity

Omega 6 fatty acids consumption appears to be involved in obesity through several pathways. HNE, which is elevated in obesity, directly induces fat-storage across species at an intra-cellular molecular level by inducing pathological behavior in adipose tissue. The latter then fails to differentiate normally, leading to engorged adipose cells typical of obesity . As LA converts to AA, AA upregulation leads to increased production of endocannabinoids anandamide and 2-AG.
Anandamide and 2-AG are the cannabinoids our body’s produce themselves and are so-called mimetics of trans-Δ⁹-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) found in marijuana. Injection of endocannabinoids in animal models induces overeating, regardless of how full they feel . Elevated 2-AG is a typical feature in human obesity.
Several studies by a group at the NIH have shown that dietary LA modulates production and levels of 2-AG and can directly induce obesity . Blocking the endocannabinoid receptor using a drug prevents obesity and metabolic syndrome, in animals and humans; however the side-effects like increased rates of suicide are unacceptable, leading to withdrawal of the drug .

Diabetes

One long-observed medical observation is that insulin resistance (IR) accompanies sepsis, a condition caused by infection. OxStr precedes IR in humans and OxLDL antibodies acutely reduce IR in a primate model of atherosclerosis . So the PAMPs found in OxLDL appear to be preoccupy by the immune system, with IR maybe being a reaction to a perceived infection.
A reduced LA diet has been shown to reduce IR in two human studies; one measured OxLAMs, which were also reduced .
HNE injected into skeletal muscle cells directly induces IR in those cells . Mitochondrial dysfunction is a common feature of diabetes and the resulting shift in energy production may play a role in IR. LA directly induces hyperinsulinemia in vivo in animal models of beta cells (which produce insulin in the pancreas) and OxLDL directly causes beta-cell death.
High levels of blood sugar (hyperglycemia) is a central feature of type 2 diabetes. Shulman et al. argue an adipose-centric theory whereby hyperglycemia in type 2 diabetes results from uncontrolled adipose tissue lipolysis which feeds into liver metabolism as an excess of acetyl-CoA that will go on to spur further gluconeogenesis (the creation of new glucose).
Others postulate a liver-centric theory where insulin directly changes the liver’s insulin-to-glucagon ratio, lowering it and thus leading to further gluconeogenesis .
Regardless of the explanation one subscribes to about why type 2 diabetics have high blood sugars, high levels of HNE accompany dysregulation of gluconeogenesis. However, I’ve not seen a mechanism to explain it.
The relation between the food you eat and insulin secretion is represented by the food insulin index, an interesting metrics to watch if you are diabetic.

Neurological diseases

OxStr has become recognized as a major pathological factor in several severe neurological conditions, the incidence of which has been increasing along with increasing n-6 consumption, as seen with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS). As opposed to rat brains, human brains appear to have a rate-limiter for uptake of LA. AA however, which is only produced in small quantities from LA but concentrates in tissues, does pass the blood-brain barrier.
It’s been observed that AA increases prior to the onset of Alzheimer’s but decreases after its onset . AA is more subject to oxidation to HNE than LA is. HNE and other OxLAMs increase as AA decreases, perhaps indicating the self-perpetuating reaction is underway.
HNE is always found in the pathological areas of the brain. Injecting HNE in an animal model induces the formation of beta-amyloid plaques , the signature of Alzheimer’s disease.
People suffering from epilepsy have been prescribed high-fat ketogenic diets and often benefited from them immensely .
This is possibly because of direct neuronal effects of the diet on “ATP-sensitive potassium (KATP) channel modulation, enhanced purinergic (i.e., adenosine) and GABAergic neurotransmission, increased brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) expression consequent to glycolytic restriction, attenuation of neuroinflammation, as well as an expansion in bioenergetic reserves and stabilization of the neuronal membrane potential through improved mitochondrial function” .
However, these ‘clinical’ or ‘classical’ ketogenic diets have used highly inflammatory fats like hydrogenated soybean oil and have even been given as replacement shakes instead of a meal . This likely renders the treatment much less effective given how triggering (epileptogenic) inflammatory factors can be for epilepsy . This is why more modern incarnations of the diet tend to use a variety of non-inflammatory fats like butter, lard, coconut oil and olive oil which also happen to taste better.

Liver Disease

Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease (NAFLD) is a new disease which only appeared when n-6 consumption levels reached the current high levels.
It mimics the effects of alcohol-induced Fatty Liver Disease (FLD). Like cancer, LA is required to induce FLD in animals. Very low levels of LA in the diet allows animals to consume up to 30% of energy as alcohol without pathology .
Total Parenteral Nutrition (TNP) is a feeding strategy in humans with damaged or malformed guts. Fatty liver is a common consequence in TNP and replacing LA-rich oils with fish oils cures the condition in human infants .
A small pilot study from Poland examining NAFLD in humans reduced the dietary levels of n-6 while providing the bulk of calories as carbohydrates.
OxLAMs were reduced, as was insulin, HOMA-IR, weight and NAFLD resolved in 100% of subjects . HNE directly induces the fibrosis seen in advanced liver disease and in other DCs.

Blindness

The leading cause of the blindness in the United States is Age-related Macular Degeneration (AMD). This is probably the only condition where the causal role of n-6 has not only been established but is becoming widely recognized. It’s illustrative of principles that should likely be informative for treating other DCs. The retina of the eye is rich in PUFAs and like other tissues is affected by diet.
N-3 supplementation does not affect the progression of AMD unless it’s accompanied by low n-6 intake . That combination is preventative—an evolutionarily-appropriate balance of the fats appears to be crucial. N-6 fatty acids are very susceptible to oxidation by radiation, even visible light; blue light will induce retinal n-6 PUFAs to oxidize to highly toxic HNE.
This may also be the causal pathway behind sunburn and skin cancer.

And more!

Osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, asthma, diabetic side-effects such as kidney failure, chronic pain and my personal favorite, sunburn, all have pathological roots in ELAS. Even high rates of violence have been compellingly linked to ELAS.

Pathological cofactors

Several cofactors induce worsened OxStr is humans. In vitro, mixing LA, glucose and water at physiological concentrations induces peroxidation of LA into OxLAMs; the same has been shown in an in vivo animal model where increased n-6 feeding induced cardiolipin breakdown with subsequent induction of hyperglycemia causing mitochondrial collapse and cardiac necrosis .
This is seen in heart failure, now epidemic amongst humans. Alcohol, fructose, smoking, radiation and infection all increased levels of OxStr and as in FLD, the effects of OxLAMs may play a role in the pathology associated with those factors. If two factors contribute to a disease but the disease only appears when one is present, it’s logical to conclude that the required factor is causal.

A final note on epidemiology

The epidemiology around n-6 consumption and DCs reminds me of an old joke. A policeman sees a drunk crawling around under a street light.

“What are you doing?”
“I’m looking for my keys!”
“You lost them here?”
“No, I lost them over there.”
“Why are you looking here, then?”
“Because this is where the light is!”

Applying epidemiology to nutrition is a very daunting task. Conducting it in a modern, industrial society is much easier than going to a traditional society with no government statistics or wealthy research institutions.

So most of the epidemiology looking at food consumption is done in the industrial nations, which have mostly had high incidences of seed oils for a very long time, before nutritional epidemiology became a science

Seed oils appear to cease increasing rates of cancer appearance after they comprise 4.4% of energy, and saturate tissues at 5% .
Most industrial populations get more than 5% of energy from seed oils , so comparing one to another is to compare high to high, when what one wants to see is high vs low.
Nevertheless, there are a number of studies looking at DCs in populations with differing food patterns, and they strongly support the hypothesis, with the incidence of DCs in populations consuming fewer seed oils being either fractional or non-existent . This likely explains the rapid increase in DCs seen in countries eating MAD-type diets.

What’s missing?

According to several scientists I’ve read the work of or listened to lately, funding is missing. This is highlighted by Dr. Ron Krauss who works at the National Institutes of Health (NIH). According to him, the NIH have largely stopped funding clinical nutrition research.
That, combined with the pro-n-6 PUFA bias in the American nutrition establishment, means that it’s unlikely much research will be done in the U.S. Much of the research seems to be done in either second-tier US institutions or in Europe and Asia.
There’s a lot of lab work looking at mechanisms but not a lot of human interventional studies. The few that do exist however, like the Lyon Diet Heart Study, Christopher Ramsden’s work and the pilot LA metabolite intervention from Poland are all very compelling .
Research I would like to see on this question is an examination of PUFA status and OxLAM load in those few people still eating a traditional diet free from DCs, as well as interventional studies lowering n-6 PUFA.

Most such studies make no attempt to lower n-6, but just add n-3 on top of it. Due to competition between the two types of fatty acids and as seen in AMD, this is unlikely to be a successful strategy

It’s essentially the modern Japanese diet: excess n-6 but good n-3. This has not prevented DC in Japan, but they do have lower rates of some diseases, like cardiovascular diseases.

Conclusion

HNE was discovered in the early 1980s, many decades after seed oils were introduced. The relationship between n-6 and endogenous production of signaling molecules was discovered later. N-3 fatty acids became recognized as important after that.
Research into this topic was in the 10s of papers in the 1970s and has increased by 135-fold today. It’s a burgeoning field but one that appears to be very much under the radar. In reading through the literature, I have come to the conclusion that the case for ELAS as the root cause of Diseases of Civilization is overwhelming.
Personally, I came to this topic through Stephan Guyenet and his excellent Whole Health Source blog. After months of reading his posts and reading the papers he linked to, I decided to cut seed oils from my diet on the spur of the moment, standing in front of the salad dressings in a cafeteria.
My irritable bowel syndrome of 16 years disappeared in two days. My carb cravings disappeared as quickly, allowing me to discover an underlying wheat sensitivity. Sunburn became a thing of the past and as a pale blonde who had always assumed I was ill-adapted to life under the sun, this was revolutionary.
My excess weight dropped off, along with my now too-large pants one morning, never to return. And after six broken bones in two years, I haven’t broken one since.
I started reading on the topic because I wanted to understand what had caused my personal health recovery – and I guess because I like puzzles.

What to do about excessive n-6 consumption?

Avoid eating seed oils, foods containing seed oils—junk food and animals fed high levels of grains and seed oils, like pork and chicken. Don’t go crazy with the nuts. Eat some fish. But no, you can’t fix ELAS with extra n-3 fatty acids like fish oil, as the Japanese case demonstrates.
Except for fasting, this is the simplest health intervention ever, as it’s impossible to become deficient in n-6 fatty acids when eating whole foods. Even if a fraction of the diseases with pathological signs pointing to n-6 are proven, you’ll still be far better off.
William E.M. “Bill” Lands spent his scientific career studying the role of n-6 and n-3 fatty acids in the body. His conclusion, the title of an article written during his retirement, deserves to be the note to end on here :

Prevent the cause, not just the symptoms

[Non-Spoiler] My Review of Tencent's 'Three Body (1st) Anniversary Edition (2024), the 26-Episode Director's Cut (streaming-only)' -- and comparisons between some adaptations of ROEP.

(1) TL;DR:
If you thought the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition of Tencent's Chinese live-action adaptation of ROEP Book I, 'Three Body (2023)', was bad -- you might find that the 26-Episode Director's Cut or Anniversary/Streaming Edition (2024) is now watchable.
But if you thought the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition was watchable -- the 26-Episode Director's Cut or Anniversary/Streaming Edition is now quite good.
And if you thought the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition was quite good -- the 26-Episode Director's Cut or Anniversary/Streaming Edition is now pretty great.
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(2) REVIEW:
I was originally somewhere in the camp of 'the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition was bad-to-watchable'. I can re-watch the tension-filled 20 minutes of 'Operation Guzheng/Zither' any number of times, and always enjoyed both (young and old) Ye Wenjie's portrayals of repressed (young) or world-weary (old) hurt and happiness -- but the pacing/editing of the whole series was such a turn-off that I could never make myself go through it a second time.
However, the 26-Episode Director's/Anniversary Cut -- made in response to the demands of Chinese ROEP fans -- has finally taken care of that problem for me. Like most Chinese fans, I sat through the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition because I/we understood why Tencent would want to reach a larger audience and premiere the series (originally intended for its own streaming platform) on free-to-air TV. So when the TV deal came through, the series was (re-)edited and padded with 'filler' to fit a prime-time (aka. 'family hour') broadcast schedule -- i.e. 30 episodes in an 'hourly' format' (actually 40+ minutes with 15-20 minutes of commercials) and minimal to no blood, sex, violence, swearing, smoking, etc...
But this time round, I didn't even notice how much of the slow-motion repeats, musical montages and flashback inserts have been pared down until the first 4 episodes flew by and Wang Miao picked himself back up after a crisis of faith -- that's when I remembered that this originally happened in Episode 5, because the series finishes up its set-up after this and kicks into a different gear. So things are now moving around 20% faster, as if someone pressed '1.25 playback-speed' button and injected an energy/momentum that was missing in the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition.
The images also seemed brighter and the color-grading more natural -- though I don't know if this is due to the 26-Episode Director's/Anniversary Cut being produced for streaming (& viewing on smallemobile devices) rather than TV. But there are pros and cons to this -- on the one hand, the Red Coast Base was mostly sets mixed with CGI, so brighter images tend to reveal their budget/set limitations; on the other hand, the 'present-day' footage was mostly shot on real locations (including the nano-lab, antenna array, etc.) and looked more normal/realistic without the 'cyber-punk' color filters used in the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition.
It also became clear to me that the director had shot lots of footage and alternate takes. Instead of extended close-ups of talking heads, there are now more cut-aways to reaction shots of characters listening to them or medium-wide shots showing their body language. These are obviously minimal changes, imperceptible to those haven't seen the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition, but this is an example of why pacing IS editing in the medium of film -- even when the exact same lines are spoken, allowing audiences to 'look around' the sets/characters makes the film come 'alive'.
But there were more than a few things that irritated the Chinese fans and prompted their demand for a director's cut: e.g. it's one thing to give Da Shi's assistant or Wang Miao's wife more screen time and things to do, because you can't avoid showing them along with the main characters in a dramatic/visual medium (even though they don't do much in the book); but it's another thing to give minor characters like Sha Ruishan (which only appear once or serve only one plot-point) extra plot-points or even create new characters and sub-plots, which do nothing for the actual plot or world-building.
Contrary to TV/Franchise-writing -- which seeks to fill as much screen (and advertising) time with as many character arcs and plot diversions as possible -- what made ROEP so binge-able is the fact Liu Cixin was always trying to pare down his writing to make sure that, even with huge amounts of 'plot/info/character dumps' (& having a day job), the pacing of his densely and intricately plotted story doesn't drag out more than it has to.
So in the 26-Episode Director's/Anniversary Cut: the screen time and CHEAP comedy routines of Sha Ruishan and the investigative reporter have been cut in half, and the absolutely RIDICULOUS sub-plots of the PDC openly incarcerating scientists with the ETO openly antagonising the PDC have been completely removed! And now that things are moving along 20% faster, there is only one thing you need to do if anything is irritating you or breaking your immersion: just hang on for a few more minutes and the plot/characters will move on to something else!
Of course, the 26-Episode Director's/Anniversary Cut didn't get a budget to produce new footage or re-render the effects, so many issues and even incongruities with the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition remained. E.g. scenes of General Chang Weisi smoking have been added back in (you didn't even realise he was a smoker in the Original/TV-Edition), but his cigarette would magically 'disappear' in one shot (i.e. digitally removed in the Original/TV-Edition) and reappear in the next (footage added in the Director's/Anniversary Cut).
Well, there's always the second (the first was scrapped) Chinese live-action movie adaptation (still in pre-production) to look forward to....
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(3) COMPARISONS:
It's always interesting to make comparisions between different ROEP adaptations -- and the distinguishing factors between the 4 (out of 6 existing) dramatic/visual adaptations* that I've seen are: (a) "made BY fan or non-fans" and (b) "made FOR fan or non-fans". But let me make one thing clear from the start -- I am NOT making any recommendations, because my personal favourite is 'My Three Body (2014-)' and I have given up trying to get anyone to watch it. If you disagree with my assessments/comments in any way, then you are perfectly right within your own lived-experience.
(i) 'My Three Body (我的三体, 2014-; Seasons 1-3 covering Books I & II, Season 4 in production)' -- made by ROEP fans, strictly for ROEP fans: its narrative is so condensed and its voxel(cube)-based animation so basic, that only hardcore ROEP fans can appreciate how utterly brilliant the screenplay is in capturing ALL of pivotal plot-points AND adding relevant new ones in 10-minute long webisodes. It has been retrospectively licensed by TBU (Three Body Universe, Chinese holding company of ROEP adaptations rights) and was funded/released as a cheap way of advertising/promoting ROEP (My Three Body's production budget wouldn't buy you much TV/commercial air-time anyway).
(ii) Bilibili's 'Three Body (2022-23, Season 1 only - discontinued)' -- made by YHKT (艺画开天, a Chinese 3D-animation studio), strictly for the fans of YHKT and its cheap, flashy kind of 3D-animated story-telling: together with the fan-written sequel to ROEP, these are 'the twin evils which must never be named' (but will forever be mocked) by Chinese ROEP fans. It starts from ROEP Book II, inserts a few flashbacks from Book I, and ends up somewhere on the Space Elevator before running out of time/budget -- clearly a commercial gamble to trick investors in financing season 2, despite their failure to think through what they wanted to adapt from ROEP and how to do it within season 1's budget/schedule.
(iii) Tencent's 'Three Body (2023, 30 Episodes)' & 'Three Body Anniversary Edition (2024, 26 Episodes)' -- made by ROEP fans (from the director, producer & scriptwriter, etc.; down to the actor for Da Shi, who liked the character so much that he campaigned to get the role and wore body-make-up for it because his complexion was too fair); and made for a more targeted audience on a streaming platform, but first edited and released for general TV audiences (the 30-Episode Original/TV-Edition), and later re-edited and re-released on the demands of Chinese ROEP fans (the 26-Episode Director's/Anniversary Cut, which I've reviewed above). The director took the dissing of the Chinese fans very well (since he's actually part of the Chinese ROEP fan community) and cut out as much of the 'padding/filler' (e.g. 'artsy' editing, 'clever' sub-plots, 'interesting' character developments, etc.) as he could, so the 26-Episode Director's/Anniversary Cut is the keeper if you are interested at all and can find it.
(iv) Netflix's '3 Body Problem (2024, 8 Episodes)' -- made by non-ROEP fans (political correctness requires that the Ameri-west production repeat their media and governments' lies about China and diss the non-conformity of ROEP/Da Liu), and made for non-ROEP fans (political correctness requires that the Ameri-western audience repeat their media and governments' lies about China and diss the non-conformity of ROEP/Da Liu). I expected some kind of highlights-reel for ROEP, but it just reminded me of every single time I re-read the books JUST for 'Operation Guzheng/Zither' or the 'Doomsday Battle', etc. -- the 'big moments' just don't land when there isn't enough build-up. So it sort of fell flat for me cos I already know the story, and the production/special effects is nothing to write home about; whereas Tencent's production created more engagement and better pay-offs when given the time it needs, cos that's the strength of taking a long-form 'day-time TV' approach.
I do have to point out that since I (can) read ROEP in Chinese, Chinese adaptations/productions generally have a greater air of authenticity for me -- cos with the endless number of period Chinese dramas set around the Cultural Revolution, Ameri-western studios/productions just can't stand up to the competition (especially when dubbed with English dialog, not to mention the other historical details). But I don't feel any cultural/national pride (or shame) for Chinese studios or productions (or Ameri-western ones, for that matter, it's not like I have shares in Netflix) -- though I understand why Chinese ROEP fans are angry at (ii), or laughing at (iv) the way they laugh at Ameri-western media and governments' lies about China.
In summary, as a fan of the Chinese ROEP (vs a Chinese ROEP fan): I loved (i); could laugh at (ii); liked (iii) enough to check out the director's cut; and would just leave (iv) for the English-speaking Non-ROEP fans of Netflix. And as far as I'm concerned, nothing tops (or 'sullies') the experience of reading the books -- which will always stay with me.
*PS. (a) Complete recordings of the Chinese stage-play adaptations of Book I and Book II, 'Three Body' (2016) & 'Three Body II: Dark Forest' (2019) respectively, have not surfaced anywhere that I know of; while (b) the Chinese interactive/immersive stage-play 'Three Body - Beyond Gravity' (2023-; premiered in Shanghai and now on tour in Hangzhou, I think) merely adapts 1 of the story-arcs in Book III -- with professional stage-actors taking on named characters like Guan Yifan & Yun Tianming, the audience role-plays as the crew of the Gravity and votes on whether to make the Gravitional Wave broadcast at the end (no prizes for guessing which way the audience/crew chooses most of the time).

This is my second trip to Japan from 3rd March to 16th March.
I travelled with Air China from London to Tokyo with 3-4hr layovers in Shanghai. Website is terrible and it takes several attempts to be able to check in, only to not be able to get your boarding pass. Transfer at Shanghai was terrible. Spent the whole time in a queue. By the time I got through security, I had to run to my gate. Terrible but flights were cheap.
In Tokyo, I stayed at the Tosei Hotel Cocone Asakusa Kuramae. For me the location was good. Easy to get to from Narita. Good transport links (Ginza Line). Hotel room is a little small so not ideal for big suitcases. Has a public bath but it’s not tattoo friendly.
First 2 days, I did the majority of my shopping to get it out of the way. Went to Matsumoto Kiyoshi, Donki and Daiso. I was shopping for skincare, snacks and other little trinkets. Visited OK Store in Asakusa. It’s a cheap discount supermarket chain that offers tax free. Bought a lot of snacks here.
Visited an English speaking salon - Tokyo Baroque. Got a digital perm done with 10% discount for your first visit. Including the wash, cut and blow dry, it took around 3 hours. Salon is located close to Harajuku and Shibuya so afterwards I headed over there.
Booked a tour on GetYourGuide to see Mt. Fuji, Hakone, Lake Ashi w/ buffet lunch. In my opinion it wasn’t worth it. Only got up to the 1st station and couldn’t see Fuji. Spent the majority of the day on the bus. We didn’t get much time to explore at each destination. Lunch was mediocre.
Sensoji. I went at around 9am and already there were a lot of tourists. All the food stalls and market shops didn’t open till 10am. It’s a beautiful temple to visit and it was a short 10 minute walk from my hotel.
Yanaka Ginza - Yadorigi Cafe. Didn’t plan on visiting any animal/cat cafes due to concerns about animal welfare but stumbled upon one that rescues stray cats and all the cats are up for adoption. I could see that the cats were well taken care of and that they really cared. They also serve really delicious italian food. I stayed for 2 hours with a drink, main course and dessert for less than ¥3000. Cats were super friendly. I went at a quiet time/day and lots of the cats were happy to take a nap in someone’s lap.
Mt. Takao. Small mountain (599M) just outside of Tokyo. Made a last minute decision the night before to visit. Hiked up to trail 3 and walked through the forests of Takao. For the descent, I hiked down part of trail 1 before finishing off with the chair lift. Wasn’t easy but one of the highlights of my trip.
Shin-Okubo, Tokyo’s Koreatown. Loud and vibrant but very, very crowded. Initially wanted to do some skincare/make up shopping but I couldn’t handle the crowds. Picked up some ganjang gejang/raw marinated crab for dinner.
Tokyo - Sendai - Ishinomaki - Cat Island. Started using my JR Pass (expensive but for me it was worth it). Travelled up to Sendai via bullet train. Sendai was pretty boring. We wondered around the shopping streets trying to kill time before our dinner reservation at a yakiniku place. Sendai is famous for beef tongue so I gave that a try and it was pretty good.
Stayed at an Airbnb in Ishinomaki and got the first ferry to the island in the morning. Don’t bring lots of luggage with you because there was a lot of uphill walking and the roads can be quite steep. The Airbnb was a lovely traditional Japanese house but it was absolutely freezing. Outside temp at night was around -2C. Luckily the host prepared a kotatsu and heated blankets for us. Heated toilet seats were a nice bonus too. The host had 3 cats and 1 cat was especially friendly and very chatty.
I enjoyed visiting cat island. Weather was nice and skies were clear. We went on a nice walk across the island but some roads are pretty steep and will give you a bit of a workout. In terms of health, the cats weren’t any different to your typical stray. I didn’t see any cats with what looked to be major health issues. A lot of the cats were super friendly and super cute. There are a lot of signs saying not to feed the cats so it was frustrating to see some other tourists with cat treats and empty cat treats packaging littered in the public toilets.
Ishinomaki. One of the hardest hit cities during the 2011 earthquake. We visited the Kadonowaki Elementary School ruins which has been converted into a museum. They have preserved some of the school rooms so you are able to see the extent of the damage caused by the earthquake, tsunami and fires. It costs ¥600 to enter. Unfortunately the exhibits didn’t include much English so I did have to rely on Google translate.
Osaka. Tokyo - Osaka via bullet train using my JR Pass. Decided to have my base in Osaka and travel out to other places. Stayed at the Hearton Hotel Nishiumeda. Lucky enough to have a room on the quieter side but even then it was loud from being so close to the station. Not the best hotel I’ve stayed at. Room was dark and dingy. Carpet looked like it hadn’t been hoovered properly.
Dotonbori. Osaka is a good place for food and nightlife but unfortunately just not my cup of tea. Dotonbori looked gorgeous at night with all the city lights but it was super crowded and felt like a street with tourist trap shops. I can tick it off my list but probably wouldn’t visit again.
Fushimi Inari. Woke up super early to get to Fushimi Inari from my hotel in Osaka. Started the hike at 6am. Barely any other tourists around and so the hike was super peaceful. Started seeing more people when I got to the top and when I reached the bottom. Saw a couple of stray cats that were fairly friendly.
Hozugawa River Boat Ride. Price was ¥6000 so it’s a little expensive. I regret not purchasing the ticket on Klook when it was around £20 before the price increase. The ride takes around 1.5hrs and ends at the Arashiyama area. I got on the first boat of the day. River was pretty eerie with the morning fog rolling off the water. The sun came out later and it was a really scenic ride down the river. The boat men don’t speak much English so don’t expect a detailed guided tour. Towards the end, you pull up to a boat that sells food. I tried dango for the first time. They offered snacks, drinks, dango, oden and grilled squid.
Iwatayama Monkey Park. Entry fee is ¥600 and cash only. I made the mistake of not bringing cash so I had to go and find an ATM. The hike up takes around 20 mins and it involves climbing up stairs and steep paths so be prepared for lots of uphill walking. The view from the top was beautiful. You are able to feed the monkeys with a small pouch of apple/peanuts for ¥50.
Nara. Fed the deer at Nara park. You can buy a small set of deer crackers for ¥200. The deer are cute but can be aggressive when they see the crackers. They will nudge/head butt you to get your attention. Literally saw a deer head butt a guy before it bit his ass.
Abandoned JR Fukuchiyama railway hike. One of my favourite places I visited on my trip. Started from JR Namaze and ended at JR Takedao. Pretty easy hike except for the uneven terrain due to the railway tracks and rocks. Hardest part was finding the start of the trail. You have to walk through a busy highway tunnel which made me think I was walking in the wrong direction. You definitely need a good torch for this hike because of the tunnels. I bought a cheap ¥100 one from Daiso. Combined with my iPhone torch, it was just about enough. I definitely recommend buying a better quality torch as it is pitch black inside the tunnels. There are 6 tunnels in total and the 2nd tunnel was the longest and I can’t lie, it scared me (wasn’t a good idea to have watched the horror movie The Descent recently). Out in the daylight, the river scenery was stunning. I was alone for pretty much the whole trail. I only saw two people taking photos - one right at the start and one at the end.
Sushiro - if you’re not a sushi snob but love sushi, I would recommend this place. For a budget place, the sushi quality was great. Miles better and cheaper than what you can get in the UK. It’s fun to order off the tablet and have the plate delivered to you via the conveyor belt. I love fatty salmon sushi and two of the nicer, more expensive sushi places I went to didn’t have it on the menu.
Ichiran. Viral on social media but I have heard that it’s overhyped so I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did. For me, it was the best ramen I had on my trip. It comes down to personal tastes and I liked customising my broth so that it was medium intensity. The broth at other places was too rich for my liking. It’s more expensive than other ramen places but for me, it was worth it. Paid for a noodle refill and I had to waddle out of the restaurant afterwards.
Kimchi. The worst thing I ate on my trip lol. I was craving sour, spicy kimchi but all the kimchi I tried was sweet with no spice. The worst offender was at the yakiniku place in Sendai. It was just sugary cabbage.
Tips:

• Pasmo. I added Pasmo to my iPhone wallet. Super easy to top up. You don’t need to open it up with face ID to use it, just tap your phone on the reader.
  
• Revolut. I used Revolut to exchange GBP into JPY for my trip. I kept an eye on the exchange rate and exchanged money when the Yen was at its weakest. No issues using my card or getting cash out with it. There is a £200 free cash withdrawal limit and that was more than enough for me.
  
• Tax free. I decided to open up the bags because otherwise there was no way for me to pack my suitcase properly. I kept the empty bags and receipts just in case. At the airport, I scanned my passport and that was it. No checks were done. A lot of people just ignored it and walked past. Wouldn’t necessarily recommend doing this as there is a risk they will check and make you pay the tax. If you can, keep it in the tax free bag.
  
• Train stations. Major train stations are massive with department stores attached. I had no issues navigating these stations and getting to the correct platform on time but I would recommend you leave some extra time just in case. When trying to figure out where you need to go, please don’t stand in the middle of the busy station with all your luggage. Move to the side or stand next to one of the pillars and out of the way.
  
• Mt. Fuji. On the bullet train from Osaka/Kyoto to Tokyo, reserve a seat/sit on the left hand side next to the window. If the weather is nice, you will be able to see Mt. Fuji.
  
• Comfy shoes. You will do a lot of walking when in Japan. Make sure your shoes are comfortable for walking long distances. You can also buy these cooling leg patches which were a god send. Combined with a hot bath at night at my hotel, I didn’t have a problem with aching feet.
  
• Be respectful. Don’t be those loud annoying tourists on the train. You are expected to get quiet on public transport. Please don’t leave your rubbish lying around because there are no bins.
  
• NERV app. I downloaded this while I was there just in case of an earthquake. Didn’t get any emergency alerts but still a little unnerving to get notifications about earthquakes nearby.
  
• Navitime. You can use google to figure the best trains to get but Navitime is also good, especially if you have a JR Pass. You can filter the search to see the routes that you can take with your pass.
  
• Pack light. It was easy for me to do laundry at the hotel but be warned that the dryers aren’t great. I hung everything up in the bathroom with the fan on. I personally didn’t have an issue with having to wait for a free washing machine late at night.
  
• Mobile data. I used Ubigi for my eSim. Use my code WEW6XY45 if you want 20% off. Didn’t have any issues with signal/connection except for in more remote places on my hikes. Easy to set up on my phone.
  
• Portable power bank. Very useful to ensure your phone doesn’t run out of battery.
  
• Travel adapters. I wish I didn’t bother buying one as I didn’t end up using it. You may still need one if you are bringing your own hairdryer, hair straighteners, shavers etc.
  
• Passport case. I bought myself a large, shiny passport case with small inner pockets to store my JR Pass and other tickets/seat reservations. I also kept my tax free receipts in there. You could also stick your airtag inside the case so in the event that you lose your passport, you can track it.
  
• Airtag. Lucky enough to not have issues with my luggage with the exception of a damaged zip. Put an airtag in my luggage just in case and for peace of mind.
  
• Pedestrian crossings. These look like zebra crossings here in the UK so don’t make the mistake of just walking across. Usually there will be a pedestrian traffic light above. Made this mistake once and got beeped at.
  

Culture shock moments:

• There are vending machines for cigarettes and alcohol. The cigarette vending machines require a Japanese ID but anyone could buy alcohol. There was an alcohol vending machine on my floor at the hotel in Osaka that was stocked with beer.
  
• Smoking rooms on train station platforms. Walked past a room crammed full of japanese business men smoking cigarettes with a couple people vaping in there. The door will open and out comes a cloud of fruit scented cigarette smoke.
  
• Waiting at pedestrian crossing when the red man is showing but no cars to be seen. Here in the UK, I would have just walked across anyway but in Japan, people would wait for the light to turn green.
  
• Japan has a reputation for being quite high tech but at the same time, they are stuck in the past. Perhaps this is another sign of an aging population? I learned from my Japanese friend that they are only recently getting rid of floppy disks. Yes. Floppy disks.
  

This company popped up on the 52 week lows this week and i took a look.
Brown Forman, the makes of Jack Daniels whiskey/bourbon is a high quality, family-controlled business and is suffering from a global decline in spirit sales. This isn't a company specific problem as its larger peer Diageo has been experiencing world-wide challenges in sales as well.
On being a high quality company:
The company shares sells as a premium over Diageo (p/e of 26.04 vs 19.57) and over MGPI (p/e 17.41).
I think it is a combination of:

• higher efficiency ratios (BF has the highest ROE & ROIC among the three) and
  
• conservative financial management (Diageo has the highest Debt to Equity Ratio) and
  
• free cash flow generation (highest FCF/Sales %)
  

But what truly makes this a very high quality stock is that this 154-year old company has been increasing its Dividends every year consecutively for the last 40 years.
The company isn't without issues:

• This is a family owned business, their voting A-shares are ill-liquid and their B-shares are what most people trade on, but B-shares don't get to vote,
  
• I don't really know what is the growth rate for the next two years since management dropped the ball during the q3 earnings call in early march. Sales is going to be flat from +3/+5, and operating income is going to be between 0 and +2.
  

-Historically, pre-covid, they did 7% cagr EPS growth, for the last 10 years, they did 5% cagr, in the last 5 years, the EPS cagr was only 3+%

• The dividend yield, while highest in the last 10 years (cheapest), is also quite low at 1.62%. The annualized growth rate is between 5.45% (last 5 years) and 7.02% (year 10 years)

How to think about investing in BF.B
During Pandemic, sales from drinks establishment took a hit but was counter-balanced by more people drinking at home. Post pandemic, customers were hit with high inflation, reduced spending power, return to work.
So is the problem of declining sales a permanent impairment to the business? ie. Are people going to drink more alcohol in the future or are more people going to give up alcohol like cigarettes and lead a teetotaller or reduced alcohol lifestyle ? (Budweiser just had a year it would rather forget, in 2023 they experienced 17.5% decline in U.S. sales and a total decline in volume of 3.4%)
Now that DEO and BF are gearing up on marketing to drive sales, this is good for the long term, but the near term impact will be earnings. One silver lining is that the new Ready to Drink "Jack and Coke" is really doing well, and is expected to go world-wide in April this year. It was announced and launched in 11 countries in 2022/2023 iirc. This RTD product is experiencing a higher 5% growth-rate.
I really dislike time as a catalyst, because it is so meh. But BF.B is at its cheapest now than it has ever been (see the tearsheet below), and it is cheap not because of mis-management.
If i have to make a bet, i bet that it will take two years for BF for the business to recover back to the long term 4% sales growth and 7% earnings growth, and the share price to go back up to $70 from the current price of $52 or 16% annualized for the next two years.
The no.1 risk i see in investing in this share is this: BF.B could be re-rated as a slow growth stock or maybe at most track like Diageo, especially since Diageo is also a dividend aristocrat (a company that increases it dividend annually for the last 25 years).
(disclosure: i bought a BF.B tracker stock yesterday at $52)
Here is a copy of my datasheet which i prepared yesterday: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gnQu4-9EZY5NM18jiQcFOuSjPB3l-bmQ/view?usp=sharing
this is just a simple one page pdf file with the data gleaned from several sources. i have blanked out the valuation method, but my numbers for the IV is between $57.59 and $43.10, blended using several methods. M* has it at $59 while CFRA rates its as a HOLD with a 12 month target of $55.

Emotions light a person like a burning flame. The fires of anger and passion burn brighter than most, and are often confused for one another. To hold one's passion close to the chest, to keep their love to themselves is fine, but the fire of passion needs fuel to burn.
The ignition does not matter, it could be something as simple as a blossoming relationship, a new favorite thing, or a place that one truly loves. The only thing that truly matters is the feeling you get in your chest each time you observe that flame.
When you share this flame with others, do they feel the same? Do they understand that fire, and how it burns?
The closer that flame is to your chest, the more likely it is to burn you, and those around you, as it turns to anger.
The flame consumes all, and leaves nothing, until it dies. Can you meter your flame, or will you let it consume you?

ACT 4 — Thy Love is RUIN

(CW: Mental and Physical Child Abuse)
Scenario: (One of) Sing Now!’s Mansions, Reshmerasta — 12:43 PM
“Ms. Mathur…” Sing Now! stated confidently, his voice slow and smooth. “With a little time and a little money, my entourage and I can make all of this disappear.”
Recently, things hadn’t been going all that well for Jyotsna Mathur. With the recent reveal of Dead City Haunts’ outing of Goldfinger from his public post as CEO (and by extension, their true nature as a potential criminal outfit) to the masses, the Overcome Foundation has been in dire straits. Donations had hit an all-time low since the charity’s founding; there had even been calls by the public to have its members investigated and imprisoned. It was only by the grace of good fortune that the scandal hadn’t spread enough to cause the complete collapse of the organization in the first place.
Things were getting to the point that Jyotsna needed help, and nobody understood public relations and the media better than the CEO of Night Train. The thought of collaborating with an alleged member of the Metropolis Suite didn’t have her jumping for joy, but he was useful to her at this moment, and she didn’t have much of a choice. If anything, Jyotsna reasoned that this deal would better let her savor the moment she inevitably betrayed him.
“Just get to the point, Now!.” Jyotsna demanded, lounging back on some ungodly expensive couch. They were seated in the lobby of one of his many mansions, surrounded by the aesthetics of traditional Indian luxury. The man had a fondness for the style, and it gave him a noble air whenever he walked amongst his highly decorated halls. Right now, Sing sat on another couch facing Jyotsna, a luxurious golden coffee table between them. One the other two sides of the table were two more identical couches, holding other bodies.
“Time is money,” Jyotsna continued, “and I’ve already fucking wasted enough of both. Just tell me how much it’ll cost and what it’ll take so I can get the hell out.”
Sing Now! sighed. Nobody had any manners anymore, especially not these young people. He had originally winced when Xenagoras wouldn’t shut up about it a few years back, but now he couldn’t have agreed more. “I’ll set the bar at about 82,942,000 Rupees.” He replied. “This will require multiple PR firms, news outlets, public events…we’re essentially rewriting history. That never comes cheap.”
Jyotsna’s brow furrowed as she scowled, showing her fangs. “Tch.” She pinched the bridge of her nose as she leaned her head back. “You think I’d be coming to you if I could just throw around that kind of cash? You think I piss gold?”
“...Then how about we negotiate alternative forms of payment?”
Sitting adjacently from Jyotsna and Sing, uninterested in their business, were three figures. The first was Pluto Hendrixx—hired in his current capacity as a bodyguard for Sing Now!. The reasons for his service wasn’t really anything he cared to investigate, but the man evidently felt he needed some kind of protection while in Jyotsna’s presence. He idly scrolled through his phone, looking over at the two women that accompanied him.
The first, sitting directly to his right next to him, was Ichi Ni San Go. She was statuesque in appearance, utterly flawless and possessed of rock solid features—she shone with the same kind of mineral beauty as a finely cut gem, not to mention she was tall as hell. Pluto didn’t really know what to make of her. When he first saw her, his brain immediately took her as some high society femme-fatale.
It was an illusion he soon saw corrected.
She kind of creeped him out sometimes, swapping between childlike innocence and an almost cold and extraterrestrial kind of eccentricity. As he watched her, she was busying herself with crayon drawings of baby dolphins and other cartoonish figures in various states of cartoon violence, subject to bloodless good fun that they were preforming on each other with saws and pipes. It reminded him of the stuff he used to watch when he was a kid back in the early 90s; kids loved violence (himself included), and she was pretty kid-like.
A wide smile was plastered on her face as she hummed songs off-tune. He didn’t really pay her “off”-ness much mind after a bit of exposure—he just assumed she had some kind of condition. Wasn’t really her fault, was it?
Sitting next to her was Shrivya Mukhopadhyay—a bureaucrat in Night Train whom Sing Now! offered an extremely generous raise to become Ichi’s caretaker whenever he couldn’t be assed to look after her. Fortunately for her bank account and unfortunately for the overall family dynamic, he couldn’t be assed about ninety-five percent of his waking hours.
She, to Pluto’s joy, was actually a beautiful bombshell. She was dark skinned and clearly of Indian decent, her long dark hair put into a ponytail. Fringes of hair fell on the side of her face, bordering it and the thin half-rim glasses she wore. Her outfit was professional, easy—a darkly colored button down covered in an eccentric pattern of brushes and closed eyes alongside long bell bottoms. Even if she wasn’t Ichi’s actual parent, she seemed to care for her much more than Sing Now! ever did. Not that it was a high bar.
“And what’s this you’re drawing, sweetheart?” Shrivya asked in a motherly tone, pointing down at Ichi’s work. “Are these those baby dolphins you were telling me about?”
“Yeah!” Ichi replied, a toothy grin displaying her general enthusiasm. “That’s Darryl! He’s on a grill in this one ‘cuz he’s being cooked up, and that’s why Sherry has this barbeque sauce here…” She elaborated, beginning to go through the various little pages she had drawn over. Shrivya responded with oohs, ahs, and the occasional “You’re so creative!”, providing a warmth to the room that Pluto could appreciate.
He nodded his head at her, getting her attention with a quick “Hey. Ichi.” She turned to look at him, her eyes wide and inquisitive. “You ever watch Kill Bill?”
“Uuuhhhmmm… I don’t know what that is.” She said, her hands clasped as she swayed back and forth slightly. Pluto smiled at the answer. “Well, would you wanna find-”
“She’s not watching Kill Bill.” Shrivya interrupted sternly. “She already sees more than enough violence with how things are nowadays. She doesn’t need any more shoved in that head of hers.” She said, ruffling Ichi’s hair for emphasis.
Pluto put his hands up in a friendly manner, giving her a smile. “Just an idea, miss~! Just looking out for her. If it’s been boring for me, it’s probably been way worse for her. You know how it is when you’re…” He paused. She wasn’t really a kid, even if it was easy to forget and treat her that way- at least for most people. “…Being dragged along into shit.”
He looked away and scratched his chin a bit. He did have one trick up his sleeve that never failed him. “Ichi. Watch this.” Reaching towards her, Pluto put his hand under the right sideof her hair…and seemingly pulled a two Rupee coin out. “Pulled a coin out from your ear. Magic trick.”
Her eyes immediately widened as she started clapping and bouncing. “Woooooooaaaaahhh! That’s so so so so so so cooooooool! How did you do that!?” She said, stars of wonderment sparkling across her eyes. “Can you make five Rupee coins? Or ten? Or-or-or one hundred?”
Pluto chuckled. “A magician never reveals his secrets, man! That’s where the magic comes from.” He said in a smooth tone, putting a finger up against his temple knowingly. Ichi just clapped a little again, clearly absolutely delighted. Shrivya was happy enough with Ichi’s happiness, satisfied that Pluto managed to make a positive impact on the situation.
“So we’ve come to an agreement, then?”
“We better!”
The voices of Jyotsna and Sing Now! caught everyone’s attention as they finally resolved their differences, the two of them standing up and walking away from their seats. Sing Now! stood by the arm of his side’s couch, tightening his tie and slicking his hair back to freshen up a bit after an undoubtedly trying meeting. Jyotsna merely cracked her neck and started to swagger her way to the front door.
Ichi immediately jumped to her feet, her heels clacking on the wooden floor as she quickly made her way over to her father. Shrivya’s eyes went wide, a bead of sweat appearing on her forehead as she tried to slow her down. “H-Honey, wait!”
“Daddyyyyy! Daddydaddydaddy!” She said excitedly. It was almost comical how much taller she was then Sing—or how little they resembled each other in any way. Pluto looked on, making a mental note of it—it was only now he realized that Ichi was as white as a sheet. He figured whether or not she was adopted was none of his business, and just cracked his back as he prepared to get up himself. Ichi was barraging Sing with questions and ideas, Shrivya trying her best to practically pull her away with an increasingly frantic tone.
“Can Miss Mathur come back soon? I really like her and I really really wanna watch cartoons and drink chocolate milk and play with her!”
“Ms. Mathur is not coming back, no.” Sing Now! replied tersely. Every response he gave displayed more irritation.
Shrivya gave a small, nervous statement of her own. “Ichi, just come with me! I’ll-I’ll make you dinner and we can move on with the rest of your day, o-okay~?” She said, stuttering from sheer anxiety.
“Aww, please? Pleasepleaseplease! I promise I’ll be really goo-”
“No. If anything, you should be spending the rest of the night honing your singing capabilities. I have another party to host this month, and I do not expect anything less than every eye being upon you. Do you remember what happened the last time you disappointed me?”
Ichi went stiff, immediately stepping back and crossing her arms. She looked away from him, tears in her eyes. She deflated like a broken tire in the span of a second, almost on the verge of tears.”I…I’m sorry. Father.”
Sing Now! merely sighed and checked his watch. “That’s better. Just don’t forget that apologies mean nothing. I care about performance. Stop acting idiotic and do what you know you should be.”
He took a step away, stopping when he heard Ichi speak again. It was tiny, barely above the cadence of a mouse. “...Can Mr. Hendrixx stay?”
Things seemed tense, and Pluto felt kind of bad for Ichi. Whatever was up with her aside, he was getting a positively awful read on her relationship with her father—he didn’t even bother to hide it. He figured he could at least bum off of Sing’s mansion if he stuck around—casually raid the fridge or wine cellar, sit on a luxurious couch, relax a little. Why not try and lighten the atmosphere a bit for someone who actually liked him?
He chuckled. “I won’t even ask for that much extra pay~!” After a second of thought, he decided that was more of a half-joke then a full-on kid. “Can’t hurt, can it-”
He was interrupted by a blur of motion on Sing Now!’s part. He hopped his cane into the air, letting go for it for a second as it spun so he could grasp the bottom end of it. He swung it through the air, the heavy metal handle impacting Ichi right in the side of the head with a heavy crack. There was a small spray of blood as it broke the skin, some of it impacting Pluto’s cheek in a crimson line.
“Fuck’s sake!” Pluto practically screamed, taken completely off guard. He jumped so hard he almost fell off the back of the couch.
Sing Now! looked livid, staring down at her as the impact knocked her off balance. “You wretched, wretched thing. Can you not spend a single day, a single minute without making a mockery of my time? You are quite lucky I’m in a merciful mood, lest I be forced to invent some creative new punishment for you yet again.” His tone was frustrated, as if his cruelty was an obligation she had managed to force upon his shoulders. A monstrousness she had somehow earned fair and square. “You’ve burdened me and everyone else in this room through your presence. Go and make some use of it before we collectively grow tired of you for good.”
Across the room, Jyotsna’s hand was on the handle of the heavy wooden entrance door when that crack reached her ear. Her head turned, and all she saw was Ichi falling to the floor, clutching the side of her face as she tried to pull herself back off the coffee table. Shrivya stood nearby, clutching her arms and looking away with a pained expression.
A vein bulged from Jyotsna’s temple. Her teeth bared. “That’s e-fucking-nough!”
Sing Now! whirled around. His eyes didn’t see his guest at first—until he looked upwards. “I could handle your stupid piddling fancypants shit and I could handle your idiot fucking business…”
Jyotsna had launched herself into the air, barreling straight towards him. A giant fist formed from her fog was reeled back behind her, misting off from where her shoulder ought to be. Pluto saw her heading his way like a meteor, and made a decision in his head. He had been paid in advance—he could just let it happen and sneak off. He didn’t have much love for the media mogul, certainly not after the actual child abuse Pluto was just witness to. She fell at Sing, swinging it straight into his torso.
“But I’m drawing the line at this, dipshit!”
There was a deep thud as it was smashed straight into his sternum. He coughed blood, impacting the floor and bouncing into the couch behind him. It fell over, and he was sent rolling a solid few meters. Jyotsna had already been on the edge with this guy, but this jumped straight over that edge. She had some decency—and she couldn’t stand the sight of this kind of cruelty.
He eventually came to a stop, splayed across the floor. He pulled himself up, looking up at his assailant and everyone standing near. His eyes darted to Pluto, fury across his features.
“Sorry. Didn’t have enough time to react.” Pluto replied nonchalantly. Jyotsna just gave him a dark grin, raising that oversized fist as she prepared to strike again.
He scrambled away, falling onto his back as he crawled. “Ms. Mukhopadhyay! If you don’t neutralize those two right here and now I’ll make sure you’re blacklisted for every position above minimum wage!”
The woman froze. She looked down at Ichi, then at Jyotsna. “I’m… I’m very sorry.”
A massive mechanical Stand rose from her body, topheavy and gorilla-like. It resembled some kind of walking VCR tape, headless and with whirling rolls and gears splayed across the front. It reached a mighty three-fingered hand towards Jyotsna, grabbing her by the ankles and picking her up.
“Shit!” she shouted. “I’m giving you one chance to let go, before I-”
The Stand’s other hand pressed down into her head, crushing her into the robotic palm of the other hand. She resisted as hard as she could, but on contact the Stand changed something about her. The effect almost hurt her eye when she inspected it, some kind of outline forming across her body as the colors flattened out, her body and her clothes shifting into something strange.
With one more mighty press of its hands, she was compressed fully between them. When they let go, Jyotsna sprung back into shape—an unfamiliar one. She was long, conical, a bit larger on one end. She couldn’t move her limbs because she didn’t have any- her features resembled more flat planes of color painted onto a shape. Her face, plastered flat across new form, shriveled with rage when she had realized what happened.
“...You turned me into a fucking baseball bat?!”
The Stand reeled her back, and sent her flying at Pluto (who could hear a “Gyaaaaa!” from the woman turned weapon as she was swung). He only had time for a “That’s not good.” before Jyotsna’s surface slammed into him. He manifested ｢My Collection｣, raising his stand’s arms to block the blow. The couch he was sitting on cracked in half from the impact, the force sending him flying even as he was relatively unharmed. He landed somewhat on his feet, fairly off balance.
Shrivya could barely look at him. Shame was evident in her features, even as her stand’s arm grabbed at the blunt end of Jyotsna’s current form and bent her into herself, muffling her as she was tied into a knot and compressed. Pluto entered a battle stance, his stand floating behind him. He could hear Jyotsna hurl all sorts of threats and obscenities at his assailant even as that massive stand idly and repeatedly threw up in the air. She was now very firmly in the shape of a ball, a sight that Pluto had to stop himself from chuckling at.
“I don’t know what your story is, lady.” He said, trying to be diplomatic. “But you have a chance to walk away.”
She still refused to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry, Mr. Hendrixx. I don’t.”
Her stand pulled it’s huge arm back, gripping Jyotsna tightly as it stored power within itself. In one mighty motion, it threw her at mach speeds- sending her spinning through the air like a cannonball straight towards Pluto. This time, he really didn’t have the time to react.
As the two made impact, their worlds went black.
Jyotsna tried to pull herself up off the ground as she slowly came to. To her confusion—mixed with the basic post-unconsciousness fogginess—her face was a little stuck to the ground. She put her hands on the floor and pushed as the space where her face should be stretched like rubber. Her visage snapped back onto her head with a loud snapping noise, causing her to let out a groan of mild discomfort as she shaking stood back to her feet.
She finally had a chance to look down at herself. She grimaced as she realized that whatever Stand power she was under was still well in effect, and it still tempted her eyes to strain. She looked flat. Everything about her looked fake, artistically exaggerated—more a collection of colors and shapes then a full 3D object. Like a piece of artwork.
She groaned as she collected the dots. She got turned into a fucking cartoon.
“Stupid bitch,” Jyostna grumbled, feeling her chest grow tight with stress. “Turn me into a baseball bat. Absolutely humiliating. Make me into some Merry Melodies lookin’ thing… When I get my hands on her, I’ll-”
She interrupted herself as a colorful pastel blast of multi-colored fog erupted from her mouth as it took on an inorganic seeming ∩ shape- evoking the steam whistle of a train. It even made a heavy Vvvvvrrrrr! that caused her to immediately clasp her hand over her mouth, eliciting a blush of embarrassment. As her face turned red, that same fog shot from her ears with a slightly higher pitch.
“Ugh!” She looked down, experimenting around with her new form for a bit- staring at her outline and only barely escaping a mild headache. She grabbed at her face a bit, stretching and contorting it before eventually just grabbing it wholesale and trying to pull it as far as she could. She let it snap back, like earlier—although her features were all mixed up across her visage. She shook her head, turning it back to normal.
Looking in a nearby mirror hung up on the wall, she tried out some expressions, if just to get a little more used to the Stand effect: furiously angry with some wavy lines sizzling over her head, a wide smile (which she stopped once her eye started to sparkle), and others of the like. She looked around, seeing if anybody was around—it didn’t seem so. She seemed to just be in another extravagantly decorated lobby, with all kinds of murals decorating the walls. There was even a bottle of wine sitting on a table, as if waiting for some surprise visit.
“I’m delighted you’ve decided to stayyy, Miss Mathur~!”
A hand on her shoulder and a low voice whispered into her ear caused her to swear, her eye (and flower) jumping out from her head as she yelled. She could hear her heart beat in her ears, and she saw it quite literally bump from her chest when she looked down—pushing the cartoonish shape of it back inside her with her left hand. When she looked back, it was none other then Ichi Ni San who had managed to surprise her, staring at her with a sickly smile. Her hair only barely covered the mark from her altercation with her father.
“Miss Mukhopadhyay said you wanted so stick around and put on a show for meeee~! I do oh so love entertainment!” Ichi crooned. Her body language was distinctively different, her head held high. It was the other “mood” she had when she wasn’t almost disturbingly innocent, a sort of confident eccentricity. A hand on her hip, Ichi reached over and pinched Jyotsna’s cheek. “You just look adorable like this~!”
“Let go of me, you $^%&—” She said, before holding herself back. Part of it was out of shock, whatever swear she would’ve said replaced with some bizarre boinging noise. The other was from actual reticence- she didn’t want to scream at the woman; she had just watched Sing Now! beat her with his cane, and given her childlike demeanor she’d feel a bit awful regardless if she made her cry. Instead, she just roughly grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand off of her face, her cheek stretching with a rubbery noise before snapping back. “I am not cute. Do you know where that jackass in the glasses is?”
She interrupted by the sound of something shattering behind her. Sculptures of ice had been roughly thrown onto the floor. Another had been hurled, sliding peacefully on its base and impacting a couch. Following that was Pluto, who had been put under the Stand’s effect himself. He had been tied into a knot in a rather exaggerated manner, rolling across the floor before slowly untying himself. His transformation has exaggerated his build, rendering him rather “noodly” to Jyotsna, thin and bendy and tall. Jyotsna made note that if the light hit his jewelry just right, she could hear a small twinkling noise from an exaggerated shine.
“You look like a cigarette,” she jabbed, a toothy grin on her face.
Pluto finished unknotting himself, loudly cracking his neck in a rolling motion. He looked up and down at Jyotsna, purviewing her own changes. “Pretty sure you got shorter.” She fumed a little. She thought things looked a little off.
“I’m sorry to hold you here like this.” A familiar voice said to Jyotsna’s left: Shrivya. She immediately sprung into motion, readying a fist with a “You little-!” as she charged towards her. She swung her fist back, before landing face-first into a wall; the impact flattening her out. She peeled herself off, popping back into shape. She gazed in shock at the wall, seeing that she was standing in a tunnel that had been painted directly onto the wall with the mural. The sight caused Ichi to giggle and clap.
“You gotta be %$&# kidding me.”
“Mr. Now! expects me to have killed you two, but…” Shrivya said, tightly gripping her arm. “Some things are just too far. If I let you two go, he’d see, and then he’d…” She bit her lip. “His reach extends far beyond just Night Train. I’d never be able to get another job in the country, maybe the continent. I…I have to keep you two here for a while. I…I figured if I didn’t have a choice, I could ask you two for a favor while I’m here.”
Pluto pulled himself to his feet, looking at her through the mural. “I don’t think I’m in the mood to do anything for you right now. I look like I popped out of a Nicktoon, for christ’s sake.” He wiggled his arm unnaturally for emphasis. “I do not think I have it in me to work the Squidward look, and that’s besides keeping us hostage.”
“I’ll make sure you’re both handsomely rewarded. Sing Now! is too busy and frankly too complacent with heavy delegation to keep perfect track of his pocketbooks. I could slip more than enough under his nose without him noticing.” She bargained.
“...What’s the favor?” asked Jyotsna. “...How much?” asked Pluto.
“...I just need you to help lift Ichi’s spirits. Keep her entertained. I already get paid more than enough myself, but the treatment she endures daily…It’s monstrous. I can’t even do anything about it, considering her father is one of the most powerful men in the city. I just want her to have a fun night.” She turned to Pluto. “And I can give you a max of 165,920,000 Rupees. Any more, and Sing will notice.”
Jyotsna clearly thought about it in her head, her noggin audibly making the noise of a receipt printer as she considered the offer. Pluto kind of stood there awkwardly. “That’s about two million USD.”
He shot forward, giving a thumbs up motion as he did so. There was a Ch-ching! as his eyes transformed into green dollar signs now that ludicrous amounts of money had entered the equation. “$&^% it, why not!”
“Yeah, alright. I’ll go for it.” Said Jyotsna.
“Yay!” Ichi exclaimed from behind her, clearly overjoyed that her two new friends were staying over for the night even after her father said no. Jyotsna had reasoned it out in her head: The deal with Sing Now! was obviously off given that she’d (hopefully) reupholstered the old man’s sternum. If he wanted 82,942,000 to fix the Overcome Foundation’s reputation, and that was going to go towards the work needed (especially assuming he had likely inflated the price to take a big slice for himself), she could fix it herself and more with that kind of cash.
Besides, Jyotsna liked kids—Ichi wasn’t really a kid, but it was close enough, right? It’d help her get out of her shitty mood. “I’ve got some stress I need to work out—I think I’m in the mood for some physical comedy,” She said, a dark expression on her face.
Pluto gave her a wry look. “^*&$, may as well. Never fought a cartoon before, and I’m not gonna miss a once-in-a-lifetime chance.” He loved to fight, if it was an opponent worth fighting- and it’s hard not to consider someone worth fighting if he’s getting two million from it, win or lose.
Jyotsna’s teeth gleamed in the light of the mansion, her fist transforming into multicolored fog. “Good.” She said, eager to go. ｢My Collection｣ floated behind Pluto, arms crossed. Pluto gave a small chuckle. “Don’t bore me now.”
Ichi looked over at Shrivya, still in the mural. “Can I say it? Can I say it?” She begged.
“Of course you can, honey!” Shrivya responded warmly.
Ichi squeaked happily before clasping her hands and look over at her two guests.
“Open the game~!”
(Credit to u/tomatobruschetta for the match art!)
Location: Sing Now!’s least favorite house, the map of which can be found here. Each square is roughly 2m x 2m, and the map is 19 x 15 squares.
There are two floors and a lawn outside. The lawn has a shed filled with a wide variety of tools and equipment for mowing the lawn as well as a chainsaw, a croquet set, and several bags of charcoal. Outside is a gleaming grill. There are two doors in, one leading to the conservatory, and the other to a hall.
The conservatory (green floor) has windows, and is filled with beautiful, flowering plants in all variety of pots and boxes, with tools to handle them scattered around. The hall is filled with closets to store hats, jackets, cane, and one with a fold-out ironing board.
Further inside, there is a kitchen and parlor. The kitchen (checkered floor) has gleaming appliances and several cupboards full of various cooking supplies, with a massive pantry. The parlor (blue floor) contains a table and luxurious couch, with the walls filled with pictures and conversation pieces. Several instruments (grand piano, harp, string instruments, trumpets, etc) are found in here as well.
On the second floor, the loft (teal floor) stands 6m above the main room, with several chairs overlooking the couch below and a full bar set up against a wall. The only door leads into the master bedroom (purple floor), which contains several massive wardrobes, a walk in closet, and the one and only bathroom in the house (pink floor).
There is about what you would expect to be in each room in excess; you can easily justify a french horn or a tuba in the parlor, or multiple sets of golf clubs in the shed outside. Just don’t go overboard; if there is anything you’re unsure of or that might be borederline, please ask.
Goal: RETIRE your opponents!
Additional Information:
Each player is under the effect of an ability that renders the rules of engagement under slapstick logic- think of a similar energy to The Pink Panther, Tom & Jerry, or the Oingo Boingo Brothers arc from Part 3. Fundamentally, it acts as a Durability boost, rendering normally lethal hits as merely dangerous, while more flashy, ‘hijinks’ based attacks are more likely to work. While this might change the individual tactics and plays, the same core logic of a deathmatch applies: hit your opponent until they stop trying to hit you.
While this does add partial cartoon logic, this does NOT mean that these can be used to freely no-sell hits your opponents land and rewrite reality to do whatever you want. That would make a poor cartoon after all. Instead, this changes the rules of cause and effect- if Jyotsna were to try and tie up Pluto’s arm into a knot, she would not break all of the bones of his arm in the effort. If Pluto were to hit Jyotsna with his Stands’ heat hands, she would be lit on fire and have to put it out instead of being melted. If Pluto were to freeze Jyotsna, she could be shattered, but with time literally put herself back together. If Jyotsna were to slam Pluto with a piano, instead of being killed, the piano lid would creak open, revealing him instead dazed and significantly bruised.
Meanwhile, a good old Three Stooges eye poke will have just as much effect as you’d think it would.
In essence, this allows players to play rough with each other without having to worry about long term medical complications or tonal dissonance in order to focus on having fun and making a show out of it. Since each player has high Endurance and boosted Durability, mechanically focus more on what would make sense for a ‘sillier’ fight in Jojo proper; Boingo, for example, got blown up by a bomb in an orange.
Keep in mind that for the purposes of Judge Categories, attempting to cheese out the stage hazard and figuring out edge cases to lock your opponent out of the match will be heavily punished.
Ichi Ni San Go is technically nearby and present, but is seemingly unconcerned with and out of the way of any shenanigans happening in the match; she is an effective non-factor (somehow irregardless of how close to the fight she actually is). Attempting to harm her directly will lead to her picking up the nearest instrument, cane, frying pan or similar object and chase you out of the house with it, RETIREing you.
The house the match takes place in is outright unlivable, and Sing Now! fired his architect at the time on the spot. The only reason he hasn’t flipped it on one of his ‘friends’ is pride.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
Heart of the Rose	Pluto Hendrixx	“Oh, it's all right. I'm sure we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr. Poopy Pants?” Ichi isn’t really an actual child, but she’s got the sensibilities of one. It shouldn’t be too hard to make her laugh, yeah? Be funny and entertain!
Dead City Haunts	Jyotsna Mathur	“That does it!” You could conjure all sorts of reasons to make Ichi giggle, but at the end of the day it’s out of the goodness of your heart. Doesn’t mean you can’t savor the revenge that is making her like you more than she does Sing Now!. Be funny and entertain!

Link to Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
As always, if you would like to interact with the tournament community and be among the first to get updates for the tournament, please feel free to PM a member of our Judge staff for an invite to our Official Discord Server!

TV STATIONS
RVIX (Channel 1) - official channel of the Royal Family, usually plays official announcements and music and also airs special events like royal weddings and camping trips
RSP (Channel 2) - reserved for emergency use or especially important propaganda
RNIA (Channel 3) - government news channel, airs soap operas during the day and crime shows late at night
BRTV (Channel 5) - a British station with good reception, cop and spy shows as well as comedies
LJI - (Channel 6) - domestic comedy, soap, and western channel
LVIX - (Channel 7) - Portuguese station also airing syndicated Spanish and British programming
VSE - educational and children's programming (Channel 8)
TV SHOWS
Soap operas
Docks of Doggerel - a hard-hitting British drama about stylish gangsters who own dogs and a printing company in the 1920s
Dias Soldados - a Spanish soap opera about a family of lonely soldiers
Maria Cervan! - a groundbreaking Portuguese soap opera with horror and comedy elements
Sen Vealde - a period romance about faithless lords and ladies in either the 17th or 18th century
Horas em Segundos - a melodrama about university students who never get around to studying
News
Constant Current - a news show about whatever happened yesterday or today or is planned to tomorrow
Preguint Divyxe - a discussion show with a narrow range of panelists and lots of planted questions from the audience
Sarai Voltano Invykta - "hardhitting" journalist Sarai Voltano goes after the government's enemy of the week
Variety
The McGillyCuddies - a British show about a musical family that also owns a general shop, having newly relocated to a rural village with their singing horse
Jona d Arcus - local comedienne/dancer presents her quirky and safely contrarian celebrity news show
The Comedy Entertainment Hour - formerly ironically the Royal Entertainment hour, it was renamed after its host was arrested for subversive activities and now all its satire is government-approved
Sitcom
Harry Family - a crass parody of American (and to a lesser extent British, Canadian, and Northern European) family life
Sinorya Peqx - a largely silent slapstick about a clumsy but inventive widow
Kaza d Myranda - a heartfelt portrait of a patriotic and multicultral Lystran working-class family with light humor wedged between the sentiment
Enmi/Amni - a Portuguese sitcom about a group of attractive friends who compete to annoy each other
Educational
Aquafon a Noitze - a look at the nocturnal aqualife of coastal Lystra as well as various exhibits of the Visopan Royal Aquarium
Kadzastrov Medikal - a show fictionalizing the intersection of natural and medical disasters
Destination Tomorrow - a show about the government's latest projects and innovations all around the country and the smiling citizens benefited by them
Tree People - a children's show about a miniature family of Lyesk lumberjacks who live in a tree in the mountains and the loosely educational adventures they have with various animals of the forest who need help
Locurazau - a children's show with puppets and train sets, much more violent than you'd think
Western
The Slow and the Living - a weekly serial about a freelance sheriff who roams from town to town helpfully dispensing equal parts justice and revenge
Bandersnatch! - a Western action/comedy with lots of shootouts and showgirls, often in combination
Colm Whitley: Renegade Horseman - an American production about an antihero postman who helps the poor and indigent against the corrupt latifundistas
Plains Rambler - a quiet show about a former cowgirl who settles down on the frontier to start a family and raise turkeys
Tao Marrom Era Minha Finca - a Portuguese-Italian co-production dramatizing the drought of 1898
Spy/detective
Termite Turtle, Salmon Squirrel - a drily confusing adaptation of the famous Pierre Watson novel
Contract: Negociable - a fast-paced French show about secret agents who always dissolve their mission instructions in water or other handy liquids
The Fabulous Adventures of Tyrus Rhys - a show about a stylish international man of mystery with bad accents and extremely cheap sets
Donaghy - an American show about a bitterly sarcastic detective with only one ear who always turns out to be the criminal himself
Police/courtroom
Alert Tallahassee - an American cop show with lots of car chases and shootings and babies in strollers crossing the street
Deve d Iustyze - a civil justice show where real-life plaintiffs and defendants plead their cases before Iuz Kaldov and his talking parrot
Visopo VSP - a police procedural sanitizing and lionizing the secret investigative police as they methodically track, expose, and mercilessly crush enemies of the state
RADIO STATIONS
VCRP, Canal Rejapublik, The People's Royal Channel or the Royal People's Channel
VLMT, official government news
VPAX, national semi-independent talk station, right-wing and royalist
ZGB, British news
ZAMM, American music station
ZKB,
VCK - religious radio
RADIO SHOWS
FILMS
Horror
The Drain: What goes down MUST COME UP
Convent of the Wicked: Old habits die hard
LAGOSTAMULHER: The love that will change you forever!
A young bearded man, frightened, framed by a jagged claw in silhouette.
Romance
What Lisa Told Dot About June: SHH! Don't tell Tommy!
Smothering Depths: How deep - will you go - for love?
Wo Ist Mein Kuss?: Erwartungen werden humorvoll untergraben.
It's a man in an undershirt looking under a sofa after having torn apart the apartment and, in the background, a woman laughing in curlers and holding a frying pan.
Los Amores de Enfermera Vargas: La afección del amor no se puede curar!
Spy
Kolinko 19: Three days. Two guns. One target. No questions.
A blond woman in a form-fitting catsuit runs into the foreground as a man in a trench coat and fedora looms over her, huge in the background, all in some kind of maze of stairs and shrubbery.
The Mulvaney Conundrum: a new original excursion from the creators of The Displacement Perspective
An eye is wide open and in the reflection of the iris you can see someone in a surgical outfit and mask holding electrodes. A tear is falling from the eye.
The Discussion: Care for a chat?
It's just two guys at a dinner table.
Dead on Departure: But how'd he get on the train?
A man in a slim leather jacket is looking over his shoulder and smoking a cigarette as he stands next to his oversized suitcase in a queue on a train station platform.
Experimental
Remembering Henry: Is it really an elevator? Or his mind?
A sinister-looking elevator attendant is smiling and ushering you in, but if you look closely his mustache is made of the hands of a clock and his nose and mouth are switched around and one of his eyes with an ear.
Purchase Regimen: Day 4,881, no socks this time, light rain
The Inner Life of Things: the pain of non-being
Just a chair on a wooden floor with a pillow on the floor next to it.
Song of the Wild Oak: Humanity's Zero Hour
An oak tree superimposed over an oak leaf over which is superimposed planet Earth, all superimposed over a question mark with a factory in the backgroud
Comedy
Finishing School: You won't believe these lovely leggy ladies' loony lessons!
A woman in a form-fitting skirt with a taut beehive is trying to balance a stack of similarly styled women on her head as a frumpy schoolmaster with a switch in his hand looks on disapprovingly along with a sighing and mature but busty governess.
Toni and Melv's Reunion: Back and better than often
Upside-Down and Diagonal: Just keep your eyes on the screen!
It's famed war film actor Cliff Barnett, in a hot-air balloon with a dog and a cat, looking annoyed.
Musical
Ahoy Matey!: Captain overboard!
How I Accidentally Won the War and Then Lost It All Over Again: or, How I Discovered My Wide-Eyed Dreams Weren't All They Were Cracked Up to Be
A hapless Monthy Rathbun, lead singer of the Droans, in the wartime uniform of the Spanish Soviet Army, sitting in a crater with his arms crossed and eyes rolled as planes, submarines, and capital ships fall from the sky around him.
Dishwasher Dreams: From suds to stardom
Drama
Death and Cousins: What will happen when the unimaginable - is imagined?
It's just the two lead actors' faces, looking significantly in different directions.
The Meaning of Christina: a poignant reverie from the director of Pitiful Wretches
Twenty-Six Wednesday Afternoons: She knew she'd touch his mind, but she didn't know he'd touch her soul.
Two people, a man in a rocking chair and a woman, over and embracing him from behind the chair, looking out the window at a sunny valley where an olive tree is.
Adult
Vampiresa Mujer: You won't resist her siren's bite!
A sexy woman's leg coming out of a coffin, and her hand grasping the edge with claw-like nails, and scary bloody dog's teeth bared in the background.
Luscious Love Maidens of Sigma 9: Take them to your breeders!
Women in various colored costumes and polygonal helmets are entangling an average businessman in the tongue-like tendrils emitted from their space guns.
Amar Nocenka: Vrai kontel amar duval u forze e vlenma? (Guilty Love: Will their love survive prison and even death?)

April 22nd 2024
Columbus, Ohio
Commentated by Wade Barrett, CM Punk, and Big E
"Earth Day"
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WWE SPEED TAPINGS:

• Byron Saxton has not been seen since he approached Dexter Lumis on SmackDown....
• Authorities are searching for him and in the meantime, Funaki is back for interviews!
• Funaki talks with WWE World Tag Team Champions The Creed Brothers who will face Imperium on RAW later tonight in a Championship Eliminator
• Funaki also caught up with WWE Women's World Champion Becky Lynch and asked who she would like see win tonight's # 1 Contender match. Becky is interrupted by Jinder Mahal and Indus Sher.
• Sheamus, Pete Dunne, and Tyler Bate attack Jinder and company, with Becky even throwing a punch at Jinder!
• Axiom defeated Nathan Frazer in an ridiculously paced match that puts both men on the map.

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RAW begins with the return of CM Punk! The Best in the World makes his entrance and joins Barrett and Big E on commentary for the night.
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We see highlights of WWE Champion Cody Rhodes' appearance on the Pat McAfee show earlier today. Cody was genuinely perplexed why Randy Orton would attack him like he did and announced that he will not be medically cleared for a couple weeks. Cody expressed his excitement at the return of King of the Ring and said doctors be damned, he's showing up to Backlash and he wants Randy Orton to meet him in the middle of the ring! Cody then made a 3 point shot from the stage of the Thunderdome to win 50 people $500 on his first attempt! God bless you Mr. Rhodes!
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Championship Eliminator Match- Intercontinental Champion Gunther on commentary
The Creed Brothers (c) vs. Imperium

• If Kaiser and Vinci can get a win, they will earn a Championship match.
• Gunther brushes off the mention of Bron Breakker on commentary and praises Imperium's ability.
• The Creed's dominate initially but Imperium are able to isolate Brutus for an extended period.
• Julius gets the hot tag and hits about 20 suplexes to Vinci and Kaiser!
• After some intense back and forth, Julius gets Kaiser on his shoulders! Brutus goes up top!
• CANNONBALL! As Julius goes for the cover, Gunther flattens Vinci with a Lariat! What the hell!
• The referee calls for a disqualification! The Creed Brothers just got screwed!

Result- Imperium win by disqualification via Gunther interference. (9:38)

• The announcers, fans, and The Creed Brothers all realize what just happened. Gunther walks straight to the back, leaving his stablemates laying but they have earned a match for the World Tag Team Championship on a technicality.

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SmackDown General Manager Nick Aldis is in charge tonight after Adam Pearce was RKO'ed last week. Aldis meets Gunther as he walks through the curtain and warns him that there's a new sheriff in town. The Ring General is a dangerous man right now and Aldis knows it, keeping a healthy distance. Aldis calls what just happened controversial, but sure, Imperium have earned a title match. Gunther will be BANNED from ringside for that match up just like Imperium will be BANNED from Gunther's IC championship match with Bron Breakker at Backlash. And as for next week, Imperium will face The Creed Brothers and Bron Breakker in a 6 man tag! Gunther walks off and Aldis is approached by Zelina Vega who is here on behalf of Andrade, seeking a match with Santos Escobar at Backlash. Aldis tells her that if Andrade defeats Dominik Guerrero tonight, he'll make the match official.
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Singles Match
Johnny Gargano vs. Finn Balor w/JD McDonagh

• Gargano challenged Balor to this match after Finn beatdown Dexter Lumis on SmackDown.
• JD is guarding the Money in the Bank briefcase, obsessively watching over his shoulder.
• Gargano dives out onto JD and then superkicks a diving Balor!
• Back in the ring, Gargano hits the slingshot Spear for a 2.5 count!
• The Gargano Escape is countered and Balor drops Johnny neck first onto the ropes!
• 1916 by Balor! Coup De Gras! 1-2-3!

Result- Finn Balor wins by pinfall via Coup De Gras. (6:42)

• Balor continues stomping Johnny after the bell until Damian Priest's music hits! Balor and Priest are not allowed to get physical until Backlash but that doesn't stop them from talking trash face to face. While they are distracted by their hatred, Dexter Lumis appears from nowhere and puts JD in a sleeper, pulling him over the barricade! Lumis drags JD through the crowd and to god knows where, along with the Money in the Bank briefcase!

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Cathy Kelley is backstage with Chelsea Green and Piper Niven. Chelsea says she tried to speak to Adam Pearce earlier about the # 1 Contenders match tonight but he hasn't picked up the phone. Green called Triple H and left a lengthy voicemail. Piper says if they can't get in the match tonight, they'll take out their frustrations out on all the tag teams in the Gauntlet this Friday on SmackDown!
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Singles Match
Dominik Guerrero w/Santos Escobar and Los Lotharios vs. Andrade w/Zelina Vega and the LWO

• Dirty Dom gets out of the ring and stalls as the crowd boo's ferociously.
• Dom gets in, slaps Andrade, and then slides out again!
• Santos gets Andrade's attention, so Dom gets back in the ring --- SPINNING BACK ELBOW!
• Andrade takes Dom's head off and gets the win!

Result- Andrade wins by pinfall via Spinning Back Elbow. (3:27)
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A truck drives recklessly into the arena and takes up multiple parking spots. Out steps the United States Champion LA Knight! YEAH! Knight is in a bad mood and he's looking for Cameron Grimes and Robert Roode. Knight walks through the corridor muttering expletives to himself when he see's Cameron Grimes and Robert Roode hosting a game of dice with some superstars like Zoey Stark, Shayna Baszler, Von Wagner, and Mr. Stone. Grimes and Roode grab the hat full of money and take off down the hallway! Knight takes chase, with Von Wagner and Mr. Stone in hot pursuit of Grimes and Roode as well for their stolen money.
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The Miz in in the ring for his hometown Cleveland fans! He welcomes everybody to Miz TV and introduces his guests ---- Bobby Lashley and Angelo Dawkins. Miz tries to get to the bottom of this fracture between them and Montez Ford. Lashley says that MVP approached him weeks ago about reforming The Hurt Business. Lashley declined but clearly he wasn't the only one that MVP approached. Dawkins says enough of this man, he calls Ford down to the ring so they can figure this thing out like men. Tez comes out by himself, MVP is nowhere to be seen. Ford says that he has big dreams for his career. Being a Tag Team Champion was great but he wants to establish himself as a singles star. He realized that he was never going to get his time to shine if he was associated with Lashley and Dawkins. He loves them as brothers, especially Dawkins. It's nothing personal, it's just business. Suddenly, Lashley is attacked from behind by the monster Oba Femi! Carmelo Hayes is here too and he springboards right into Dawkins with a knee strike! Ford gets in the ring and just watches as Hayes stomps Dawkins in the corner and Oba Femi crushes Lashley with a Pop-Up Kneeling Powerbomb! The Miz tries to stop the madness but Ford drops him with a clothesline and tosses him from the ring, much to the chagrin of the Cleveland crowd. Dawkins nearly musters enough strength to go after Tez but Melo drops him with a Cutter as MVP slowly strolls down the ramp. Ford caps the gang beatdown off by hitting a Frog Splash on Lashley! After announcing their arrival in a very impactful way; MVP, Montez Ford, Carmelo Hayes, and Oba Femi stand tall ---- The Hurt Business 2.0.
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Fatal Four Way # 1 Contenders Match
Naomi vs. Rhea Ripley vs. Liv Morgan vs. Tiffany Stratton

• The winner will face Becky Lynch at Backlash for the WWE Women's World Championship.
• Ripley is on the warpath in an attempt to get her title back and she dominates.
• But Tiffany Stratton will not be denied! She takes Ripley down with a Bicycle Knee Strike!
• Stratton goes up top but Naomi meets her for a superplex. Liv grabs Naomi for a powerbomb!
• TOWER OF DOOM! Ripley and Liv then slug it out, leading to a Riptide!
• Stratton knocks Rhea from the ring and pins Morgan!

Result- Tiffany Stratton pins Liv Morgan via Riptide by Rhea Ripley. (12:50)

• Stratton takes off up the ramp, avoiding Rhea's wrath. Unfortunately for Liv and Naomi, they don't get off so easy. Ripley loses her mind and beats Naomi and Liv with a steel chair for an uncomfortable amount of time. Riptide to Naomi on the chair! Ripley is obsessed and now she's enraged. A dangerous, even deadly, combination.

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SmackDown General Manager Nick Aldis comes down to the ring to announce that Adam Pearce has been granted a leave of absence by Triple H after being RKO'ed last week and triggering a recurring spinal injury. Aldis will be taking over RAW on an interim basis and will serve as the WWE Commissioner! Nick's first declaration is that Randy Orton is being suspended WITHOUT PAY until Backlash. The Million Dollar Champion Robert Roode and Cameron Grimes stumble through the curtain with a boatload of money as Von Wagner follows them to the ring. L-A KNIGHT! The United States Champion is here too! The Megastar marches to the ring but before anyone starts throwing hands, Aldis avoids a big brawl by booking them in a tag team match right now!
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Tag Team Match
LA Knight and Von Wagner w/Mr. Stone vs. Cameron Grimes and Robert Roode

• Knight beats Grimes from pillar to post and then tags in Von for a Sidewalk Slam/Legdrop combo!
• Roode cheap shots Von and tags in. BIG BOOT to Roode and Von starts cleaning house.
• Wagner puts Roode on the top rope and LA Knight runs up and hits a Superplex!
• Grimes goes to grab the Million Dollar title but see's the US Title and grabs it instead....
• NAH! NAH! Knight is there to beat the crap out of Grimes and they brawl into the crowd!
• Roode reverses a Powerslam by Von and rolls him up with his feet on the ropes!

Result- Robert Roode pins Von Wagner via Roll Up with his feet on the ropes. (8:53)

• LA Knight hits Roode with the BFT immediately after the bell rings! The Megastar picks up the hat full of money and gives it to Von Wagner. Writer's Note: Play Randy Newman's "You've Got a Friend In Me" for maximum effect.

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Chad Gable comes out with his Alpha Academy stablemates Otis, Akira Tozawa, and Maxxine Dupri. Gable announces his intent to win the King of the Ring tournament that will begin after Backlash. He will honour past winners like Bret Hart, Kurt Angle, William Regal, and Harley Race. THANK YOU! From now on, Otis and Tozawa will represent Alpha Academy in the tag division while Gable focuses on racking up singles wins. The Final Testament interrupt and Karrion Kross is looking better than ever after his darkness retreat. Kross calmly tells Gable that he will make it his personal mission to see that Gable never makes it to the King of the Ring tournament. Kross challenges Gable to a match next week on RAW to which Chad accepts with the condition that both groups are banned from ringside.
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R-Truth raps his new friend Odyssey Jones down to the ring and asks the crowd WHAT'S UP? Kiana James interrupts Truth and tells him ''whats up'' is that there's only room in the WWE for one big bad son of a bitch in the WWE and his name is Bronson Reed. Big Bronson makes his way down the ramp and let's hop they reinforced the ring for this one!
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Singles Match
Odyssey Jones w/R-Truth vs. Bronson Reed w/Kiana James

• Big meaty men slappin' meat. Jones shows off his personality & crushes Reed with a corner splash!
• Kiana gets on the apron and inadvertently gets knocked off ---- Truth catches her!
• They stare at each other awkwardly but intently..... Truth is mesmerized by her beauty.
• Meanwhile, Odyssey Jones dodges a Tsunami and hits a Running Splash for the win!

Result- Odyssey Jones wins by pinfall via Running Splash. (5:07)

• Kiana checks on Bronson, looking a bit flustered. Truth celebrates with Jones, looking a bit lovestruck. What's up?

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Next up is a strange homemade video that shows a dimly lit Joe Gacy transforming himself into a killer clown. Joe Gacy is now Joe Wayne Gacy AKA Calamity The Clown! Calamity smokes a cigarette in his terrifying makeup and puts the entire WWE roster on notice: he is available for their children's birthday parties. A balloon pops and Gacy starts laughing hysterically as the feed cuts out.
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In our final segment of the evening, Sami Zayn comes down to the ring to speak. Zayn talks about his career ---- the highs, the lows, and everything in between. He won the Tag Team Championship in the main event of Wrestlemania with his best friend. He's been Intercontinental Champion, he's been an Honorary Uce. With The Bloodline finally out of the picture, Sami wants the one thing he's never had --- the World Heavyweight Championship! He calls out Drew McIntyre and The Scottish Warrior comes down to the ring and asks Sami if he's truly ready? Is he ready for all that comes with being a champion? Will he trim his beard, cut off his hair, and hit the gym for longer than 5 minutes? There's a reason Sami has never been World Champion and that reason is guys like McIntyre. There's levels to this game and Zayn is a great underdog but thats all he'll ever be. Sami gets fired up and slaps the microphone out of Drew's hands! He won't change who he is because these fans love him for the unkempt, neurotic, skinny wrestler he is! "Give me one shot! All I need is one. If I can't beat you, I don't deserve to be a World Champion." Sami drops the mic and walks out as Drew mulls around and gets out of the ring. CM Punk stands up from commentary and tells Drew to be a man and accept Sami's challenge. McIntyre cheap shots CM Punk with a headbutt! Punk goes down and then springs back up, charging at Drew with a bloody nose! Nick Aldis, security, and referees hold Punk back as Drew smiles from the ramp.
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The end
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A while ago I bought an Easton Press copy of The Hunchback of Notre Dame on eBay, and the seller didn't mention that it came from a smoking household. When the book came and I went to smell it (like I do with all books without really thinking about it!) I was disappointed by the unmistakable smell of cigarette smoke. I decided to keep the book because it was a really good deal (and now I guess I know why it was so cheap) so I want to see if I can salvage it.
I bought cedar wood blocks and sealed the book in a plastic bag with planks of cedar on every side of the book. I left in there for an entire month, occasionally moving the cedar blocks around, and when I took the book out,it smelled a lot better, but not completely normal. I didn't want to put it in my shelf with my other leather-bound books if there was a chance the cigarette smell would transfer, so I bought two cheap books from my local library's book sale as a trial run. I sandwiched my Hunchback of Notre Dame between the two books, and after a week, the covers of the other books did smell faintly of cigarette smoke.
Does anyone have any suggestions for this situation? Has anyone successfully gotten the smell of cigarettes completely out of a leather-bound book?

So I live in an apartment building, the people (including me) dont have much money. I thought it would be good to live there as the rent was very cheap.
There is a neighbour, which is in a relationship with another neighbour. Both are around 65 and chain smokers. I assume that its the male neighbour, which just drops his cigarettes on the street and at the basement. I notice him staring at me, e.g. he was going to get in his car, but when I suddenly come out of the stairway he still looked at me, even when I already passed him.
Once he also made a remark, when I was carrying something and I entered the door ( and he was going to get out of the door). He said something like "oh, what strong arms you have"
I felt disguted after that.
And this evening I was removing my cupboard out of my apartment and when I put the doors of it outside of my apartment I encountered him.
I briefly said hello, he replied: "good evening!" and went on in a disgusting voice and said: 'oh, somebody is really being diligent.' and stopped walking to his apartment.
I replied: keep moving, you dont need to comment everything.
he said: what did you say?
I said: I said, keep moving. you dont need to comment on everything.
and then he mumbled something like: "okay..?"
and I shut the door.
dont know if I'm sounding like a karen. He is not acting like an Old nice grandpa, but really gives me creepy, slimy vibes.
p.s: he knows I live alone and as I have no friends visiting me always sees me alone. Does he think I'd flirt with him?
How should I behave towards him in the future? not greet anymore?

Note: I didn't think I would have so many readers on my last post, so for those who asked for part two here it is.

Part 1
Ranger dashed towards the plain metal wall of the corridor, gesturing for Roe to follow suit.
"What's going on?" Roe whispered, her voice barely audible in the tense atmosphere.
Ranger swiftly withdrew his pistol from his belt, deftly disengaging the safety as he peered around the corner. "Listen," he replied, his tone low and cautious, mirroring Roe's own.
Roe's ears twitched involuntarily, swivelling slightly as she picked up the unmistakable sound of rifles being cocked and loaded—the ominous prelude to an encounter with the reptilian creatures that haunted these corridors.
"Stay close," Ranger instructed with a quick wave, signalling for Roe to keep pace.
Slinking around the corner with barely an inch to spare between his shoulder and the wall, he aimed his pistol at an open doorway. Moving slowly to improve his vantage point, he caught sight of a slimy, blue frog-like xeno, its long, dangly suction cup digits raised in an ominous gesture. Ranger cursed under his breath, recalling that the room had been empty save for the deceased during his last visit.
Inside, the two found themselves surrounded by cheap-looking metal tables, sofas lining the walls, and lockers—an apparent staff mess hall, now tragically transformed into a scene of death and chaos.
Ranger's translator emitted a series of beeps as the frog-like alien pleaded, "Please! I have spawned back home! Have mercy!"
The lizard's laughter echoed ominously. "Oh, I'll grant you mercy... You're a Garothorn Spawn, correct? If memory serves, your kind fetches quite a price..."
"Do we?..." the frog stammered, his head retracting into the protection of his white armour like a frightened turtle.
The lizard hissed, its forked tongue flickering before withdrawing. "Indeed."
With a clear shot now available, Ranger aimed his pistol directly at the lizard's armoured torso.
Crack! The shot rang out, finding its mark in the gut of the scaly adversary. Despite the armour, the lizard was propelled backwards, its head colliding with a table corner with a sickening crack.
"What in the world?" Ranger muttered, bewildered by the unexpected effectiveness of his weapon. He inspected his pistol, then glanced back at the fallen lizard, its head oozing bluish fluids onto the tiled floor.
Examining the magazine, he noted the size of the bullets—they appeared no larger than the nine-millimetre rounds used back home. Recalling stories of his sergeant's self-inflicted tests with similar bullets to enhance his resilience, thanks to a body reinforced with a titanium frame, Ranger speculated on their potency.
Pushing aside his musings, Ranger entered the staff mess hall, Roe trailing close behind.
"Hey, buddy? Are you okay?" Ranger waved a hand in front of the frog-like creature.
No response.
"Hello? Can you hear me?"
The frog's eyes dilated into pinpricks, followed by a sudden gasp of air before it collapsed with a thud, lifeless.
"Roe... I think I may have broken him," Ranger admitted with a hint of guilt.
"He's a Garothorn. They tend to enter a catatonic state when frightened... I’m going to search for some clothes," Roe explained calmly.
Ranger nodded. "Sure... I'll try to wake this guy up..." He shook the frog-like xeno gently, but there was no response. After a few moments of fruitless effort, Ranger frowned beneath his helmet. It seemed he would have to resort to a more direct approach.
Raising a hand with his fingers spread, he attempted to deliver a light slap to the sleeping amphibian's face. However, to his horror, he felt the sudden snap of vertebrae in the frog's neck as his hand made contact.
"Shit!" Ranger cursed inwardly, his heart sinking at the unintended consequence of his actions.
"Is everything okay over there?" Roe called out, her voice tinged with concern.
"Uh, yeah... Just giving him a gentle wake-up tap!" Ranger replied, trying to mask his unease. He wasn't sure how to handle the situation now that he had inadvertently caused harm to what appeared to be a neutral civilian.
Feeling a pang of guilt and remorse, he gave the frog another shake, desperately hoping for any sign of life. But as he stood there, holding the limp, lifeless body, he realized that he had killed the creature.
The human glanced over at Roe, who was occupied with searching through the deceased staff for clothing. Seizing the opportunity to conceal his mistake Ranger quickly moved to an open locker and stuffed the dead body inside, using his boot to adjust it into a makeshift coffin. With a swift slam of the flimsy metal door, he turned around, a guilty grin hidden beneath his visor, and discreetly wiped any traces of bodily fluids from his boot.
Roe looked around, holding a top to her chest, her expression puzzled as she realised they were missing one individual. “What happened to the Garothorn?”
"He woke up and ran away," Ranger lied smoothly, his voice betraying no hint of the turmoil within.
"As expected. Probably sensed I'm a Deathworlder..." Roe shrugged casually.
"I've been called that before..."
"Wait, what?" Roe's sudden attention snapped back to Ranger, her surprise was evident as she nearly dropped the top she was holding, momentarily forgetting her search for clothing.
Maintaining eye contact with the cat-like alien, Ranger pretended to be engrossed in their conversation as he tried not to sneak a peek. The shirt she was holding up wasn't long enough to hide anything below, that left her struggling to maintain a semblance of decency.
"When I first docked here, the receptionist had a complete meltdown just because I'm human, Could those pirates be after me for the same reason?"
Roe looked back at Ranger, "Those pirates—I overheard them while hiding in the vents. They want you dead because you're a Deathworlder."
Ranger furrowed his brow in confusion. "That's a bit racist, isn't it? I thought they were just some crazed gunmen and Why would they call me a Deathworlder?"
"Deathworlders hail from planets deemed unsuitable for intelligent life. They're carnivorous and, due to their high-gravity environments, possess immense strength," Roe explained matter-of-factly.
Ranger glanced back momentarily at the locker, which was now leaking life fluids, before returning his attention to his feline companion.
Roe sighed, her expression tinged with weariness. "Compared to most species, we Deathworlders are like super soldiers from their worst nightmares. In this part of the galaxy, where conflict is constant, we can move freely without interference from military forces. Most beings adopt a live-and-let-live approach with us—until we start causing trouble, that is."
Ranger nodded slowly as he thought, "That makes sense. It explains why, when us humans first ventured beyond our solar system, we were immediately targeted by four other empires…"
Roe's ears drooped in sadness, her face reflecting the weight of her memories. "Your people, too, huh…"
The human shook his head, a spark of pride igniting in his eyes. "No, far from it. We've been holding our ground! Trust me, now's the time to invest in human space exploration! I mean we're kicking so much ass!, uh… Roe?"
As Roe's translator beeped twice, indicating a reference to a large-hooved animal, she looked up at Ranger.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded slowly, a gesture she had learned quickly from interacting with the human.
"Once the Galactic Council sets its sights on a Deathworld inhabited by intelligent life, they don't relent… Until they've eradicated them or scattered them among the solar winds…"
"Am I correct in assuming…" Ranger trailed off, unsure how to proceed.
"Yeah… Can we talk about something else?" Roe interjected softly, her voice tinged with sadness.
"Of course," Ranger agreed, quickly shifting the topic. He moved past Roe and surveyed the deceased staff. Most were clad in their uniforms, ranging from security attire to fast-food cashier uniforms. "Find anything that fits?"
"No," Roe replied flatly, her gaze fixed on the floor.
Ranger stepped around the bodies, examining each one carefully. He stopped next to a short, blue humanoid with long tentacle-like hair. The individual was clad in security armour that covered the thighs, breasts, and forearms, secured by a scanty synthetic material resembling a bikini. Flipping the body over, he noted that the armour accommodated a tail, secured with a black frilly bow.
"I'm not wearing that," Roe stated firmly, her tone icy.
Ranger frowned as Roe dismissed the scanty armour he had suggested. "Why not? It's armour. I've played enough ancient video games to know this is perfectly good armour."
"There's barely anything to protect anything! No wonder she's dead…" Roe retorted, frustration evident in her voice as she struggled to maintain her modesty with the shirt she was using as a makeshift cover.
"It's about agility. You look agile, so…" Ranger began, trying to convince her.
"No," Roe interrupted firmly, her resolve unyielding.
"Fine," Ranger conceded with an eye roll. He scanned the room until his gaze settled on what appeared to be a mix of a maid outfit and lingerie worn by another similarly blue alien.
"Knock everything off the edge! No! Give me the armour!" Roe nearly shouted, noticing where Ranger's attention had shifted.
Meanwhile, back on Earth, a cyborg's bare metal feet clicked and scraped along the tiled floor as he strode through the corridors of the Coalition War Council's main headquarters. With his augmented metal arms, he pushed through a set of massive double doors and entered a grand hall adorned with a circular table bearing the names of various countries' military representatives and flags. Passing the large table and then ascending the stairs, he passed by the chairman's imposing seat before finally pushing through another, smaller door into the supreme commander's office.
Coming to attention with a crisp salute, he faced a man who was gazing out of the window, overlooking the twinkling lights of Neo New York's mega city.
"Sergeant Marshal, reporting to the Commander," he announced respectfully, his metallic voice ringing out in the spacious office.
The commander spoke with a gravely, war-torn voice as he gazed out into the light-polluted orange sky. "Sergeant, any news on your lost Ranger?"
"About the ranger himself, none, sir. Our unit is collaborating closely with the scientists as we speak. Please forgive the lack of details, but I have information that his fighter caused a ripple in space-time."
"In terms I understand, soldier, do I look like a boffin to you?" the commander snapped impatiently.
The cyborg gave another quick salute in respect. "The scientist says he warped. He teleported using—"
"Did I stutter?" The commander cut off the sergeant, turning around to reveal his scar-covered face and eye patch, his expression stern.
With a resigned sigh, the sergeant pulled a coin from his pocket and placed it in his metal palm. Closing his hand, he held both hands up, then snapped his wrists open to reveal the coin had magically transferred to the other hand.
"Dear lord! A Warp drive. A transference of atomic matter through space-time using the suppression of a zero point that folds the curvature of space itself… Why didn’t you say so sooner, Sergeant?" the commander exclaimed, his tone shifting from annoyance to realisation.
"Unable to find the right words at the time, Commander," the Sergeant replied respectfully. "But my ranger, sir… I fear he is lost. He could be anywhere in the galaxy, if not the universe."
"And you expect me to do something about it? We're already fighting four wars against empires with countless core systems, and there's probably a fifth looming with the Ancient Xcierian Empire on the horizon," the commander grumbled, his frustration evident. He picked up a remote and aimed it at a holo screen, pushing a button to display an image of the borders in the Orion Quarter. "Look at this! They've parked their empire right next to our new military outposts! The nerve of it! So…” With a resigned sigh, he reached into his uniform and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, placing one in his mouth. "... So you expect the taxpayers to foot the bill for finding this lost soldier, let alone funding these wars?" he questioned as he lit the cigarette, exhaling a puff of smoke. “It'll cost trillions.”
“Yes, sir. Exactly,” the cyborg replied crisply.
“Just the answer I was looking for. No man left behind… Ah, it reminds me of one of the stories in the good old American Bible… You know, the one where a band of soldiers search for a lost private.”
“The Gospel of Private Ryan, sir?”
“Exactly. Have you read it? You never struck me as a man of the holy book, Sergeant,” the commander remarked, tapping the ash from his cigarette into an ashtray.
“When Jesus returns on a helicopter wielding two warthog machine guns to save the president from Nazi Cthulhu on the seventh day, it brings a tear to my real eye every time, sir…”
“You're a good man, Marshal. I'll allocate the funds to find that Ranger. In return, you find out how he managed to warp. I can't even begin to imagine the science behind it. I have my assistant forward you the details, You're dismissed,” the commander declared.
The cyborg saluted and promptly left the room, leaving the commander to gaze out the window once more, lost in thought.
Back on the space station, Roe used a claw to adjust the tight-fitting fabric that was already riding up underneath her tail. With a wriggle of her hips, she settled into her new armour.
"At least it fits…" Roe muttered, her voice trailing off into a groan. "Why does it have to be so… revealing…"
Ranger glanced up from looting the dead lizard and stared for a moment. "Says the one who was wandering around naked…"
"Will you—" Roe began, but she broke off with a heavy sigh as she watched Ranger return to his scavenging. She clicked her tongue against a fang in thought. "You know, you never told me your name…"
"Name?" Ranger asked absentmindedly as he inspected another pistol he had pulled from a holster tucked behind the lizard's armour.
"You know, the word I call you by," Roe clarified.
"I know what you meant. It translated fine," Ranger replied, pausing as he hesitated upon pulling off the red dot sight. "It's Ranger."
"Ranger?" Roe repeated, her translator beeping twice as it provided an approximation. "You're military? I wouldn't have taken you for a park keeper… Still, that's not a name."
Ranger chuckled as he stood up. "Military… Just Ranger. I've grown rather fond of it." Flipping the pistol around his finger, he caught it by the barrel. "Ever used a gun before?" he asked, offering it to Roe.
"Not really. I usually opt to run from trouble, or if necessary, I rely on my claws," Roe replied, holding up a hand to decline the weapon.
"I think you're going to need it. Unfortunately, there aren't many places to run to, and if you're going to be my battle buddy, you'll need to fight. Besides, bringing claws to a gunfight isn't a good idea either," Ranger remarked, pushing the grip of the gun into Roe's chest.
Reluctantly, Roe took it from his grip, holding it as if it were made of glass with both hands. "I see your point, but us Kakila, we only fight when there's no other option…"
"Do your kind hunt?" Ranger inquired.
Roe nodded. "We do."
“Then you can fight, I’ll show you,” Ranger declared. Positioning himself behind Roe with her back against his chest, he guided her hands to hold the gun properly.
Reciting the lessons his father had taught him years ago, Ranger began, “First rule, aim away from the face. The second rule is don’t aim the gun unless you intend to kill. Third rule, always aim for the centre of mass… Got it?”
“I think so,” Roe replied, sounding a little uncertain as she aimed the gun up and peered down the red dot sight.
“You'll be fine. And one last thing,” Ranger added, gently adjusting Roe's grip, “Keep your elbows bent. They’ll thank you later down the line.”
Roe lowered the gun and held it in one hand as she brushed her fringe from her vision, her ears twitching at the sound of heavy footsteps approaching. In one swift motion, Ranger pulled her to the doorway, causing her to emit a soft "E-ow" sound followed by a hiss of surprise.
“Shh!” Ranger hushed her, holding a single finger to the vent of his helmet. He peeked around the corner briefly before returning his gaze to Roe, speaking in a hushed tone, “Good news, you've got your first target— one dumb lizard. Now, think of him as prey… Line up the red dot to his centre of mass, then squeeze. You're on the hunt! Go!”
Roe swings around the door frame, lining up the shot on the approaching black-armoured lizard, only to find the trigger jammed.
“Oh no! It’s stuck!” Roe panicked, furiously attempting to fire the gun as the lizard approached, dumbfounded by the malfunction.
After a moment of confusion, the lizard flicked its tongue and raised its gun, amused by the situation. "Got you now, Kakila. The captain will be pleased… And it means a good reward for me… Now…” It hissed with a twitch of its forked tongue, placing the barrel inches from Roe's skull. "Come along nicely…"
“Can I borrow this for a moment?” Ranger intervened, reaching around the door frame to snatch the rifle from the lizard's grasp. Flipping it around, he lightly tapped the butt of the rifle on the lizard's head - human standard at least. With a hiss, it recoils in pain, as it tries to stem the bleeding with its hands.
“Sorry I forgot to mention the safety, thumb down that slide switch thing, but don’t shoot—" Ranger began to instruct Roe, but before he could finish, she fired at almost point-blank range, striking the lizard's knee and blowing off its lower leg entirely.
Ranger put one hand on his hip and huffed at Roe, who sheepishly lowered the gun. With a heavy sigh, he spoke over the screaming lizard rolling on the floor in agony. “I need to ask him some questions, so don’t kill him. Just keep watch while I deal with him, okay?”
Roe gave a small nod, her expression a mix of relief and regret.
“Good,” Ranger said, reaching down to grab the lizard by the tail and dragging him into the staff mess hall. With a swing of his arm, the lizard to collided with a sofa with enough force to wind him. “Now, I want some information.”
The lizard coughed, then snarled defiantly, “You’ll get nothing from me!”
“Really?” Ranger asked calmly, then proceeded to remove his helmet. “What about now?”
The scaly alien's eyes widen as his forked tongue flops flaccid against his chin. Slowly, he raises one finger, ready to press the translator donning his head.
“Go on, call for backup. See what happens,” Ranger said with a chilling edge to his voice that could intimidate any being.
The alien dropped his hand in defeat.
The lizard hesitated, then raised a hand before dropping it again. Ranger took the motion as a sign of compliance.
"Humans exist on the other side of the galaxy. How did you know about us? I had never seen your kind before, yet you saw me as a threat enough to kill on sight. Why?" Ranger interrogated with a low demanding voice.
"We ran into your kind before…" the lizard began to speak, only to be cut off by gunfire.
Ranger snapped his head around to see Roe looking down the corridor wide-eyed.
"Roe?"
"Uh… There was another one, I got him… He is dead…" Roe replied, giving an odd, reassuring smile before muttering something under her breath.
"Well done. I'll be there in a moment, so keep watch," Ranger congratulated her on her first kill.
Roe nodded. "I will."
The human turned back to the bleeding lizard on the now-stained sofa. "What did you mean you ran into my kind before? You meant on this side of the galaxy?"
The lizard raised his hand, this time more weakly, for a yes. "We called him Slays for Days, a Deathworlder, like you… We captured him for a profit… It quickly became a commercial disaster for the captain…"
As the lizard continued, behind Ranger's back, Roe sneaked out the doorway, only to return dragging the body of a black chitin-covered insect-like alien.
"How long ago was this?" Ranger asked.
"Around ten years ago, before I joined the crew, it still haunted the captain to this day," the lizard spoke with his breath becoming laboured.
"Why do you want me dead?"
"C-captain's orders…" The lizard paused to cough up blood. "You were a Deathworlder, we had every right to end your life."
Ranger glared at the lizard, as he did Roe now dragged the dead alien to the lockers, opening one she lifted it and shoved the body in, with a loud crunch she kicked it in before slamming the door shut. Ranger looked over his shoulder once more, eyes wide, with a hint of worry where Roe was standing.
"I thought I heard a noise in the lockers, it was nothing." Roe smiled, baring all her cat-like teeth, before walking over to the human and the interrogated lizard.
"Is it all clear?" Ranger asked.
"It is, I hear nothing," Roe said quickly, as she moved her ears to drive home the point.
The human nodded, but the lizard spoke up before he could say anything.
"I-I answered your questions…" He coughed, "We had a deal."
"Yeah sure, you get to live." Ranger waved a hand dismissively.
"T-thank you…" The lizard uttered his last words before falling unconscious as he breathed weakly.
Roe raised her pistol, not aiming in any direction, as she struggled to locate the safety. "How do I turn this off again?"
"Huh?" Ranger looked at Roe, ready to offer guidance, a sudden single crack of gunfire echoed through the room.
Ranger and Roe stood there, staring at each other in shock, now covered in lizard brain matter.
"I think a bit got in my mouth…" Roe's voice fell into a whine.
Part 3