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And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. - Hebrews 13:16
But to do good and to communicate forget not. I speak not [merely] with reference to the brethren present, but to those absent also. But if others have plundered your property, display your hospitality out of such things as you have. What excuse then shall we have henceforward, when they, even after the spoiling of their goods, were thus admonished?
And he did not say, Be not forgetful of the entertaining of strangers, but of hospitality: that is, do not merely entertain strangers, but [do it] with love for the strangers. Moreover he did not speak of the recompense that is future, and in store for us, lest he should make them more supine, but of that already given. For thereby some (he says) have entertained angels unawares.
But let us see in what sense Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled. Because (he means) it preserves the believer in chastity. Here he also alludes to the Jews, because they accounted the woman after childbirth polluted: and whosoever comes from the bed, it is said, is not clean. Those things are not polluted which arise from nature, O ungrateful and senseless Jew, but those which arise from choice. For if marriage is honorable and pure, why forsooth do you think that one is even polluted by it?
Let your conversation (he says) be without covetousness: since many after having exhausted their property, afterwards wish to recover it again under the guise of alms, therefore he says, Let your conversation be without covetousness; that is, that we should be [desirous only] of what is necessary and indispensable. What then (you say) if we should not have a supply even of these? This is not possible; indeed it is not. For He has said, and He does not lie, I will never leave you, nor forsake you. So that we boldly say, The Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. You have the promise from Himself: do not doubt henceforward. He has promised; make no question. But this, I will never leave you, he says not concerning money only, but concerning all other things also. The Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me; with good reason.
This then also let us say in all temptations; let us laugh at human things, so long as we have God favorable to us. For as, when He is our enemy, it is no gain, though all men should be our friends, so when He is our friend, though all men together war against us, there is no harm. I will not fear what man shall do unto me.
Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God. In this place I think that he is speaking about assistance also. For this is [implied in the words] who have spoken unto you the word of God.
Whose faith follow considering the end of their conversation. What is, considering? Continually revolving, examining it by yourselves, reasoning, investigating accurately, testing it as you choose. The end of their conversation, that is, their conversation to the end: for their conversation had a good end.
Jesus Christ the same yesterday and today and for ever. Do not think that then indeed He wrought wonders, but now works no wonders. He is the same. This is, remember them that have the rule over you. Be not carried about with various and strange doctrines. Strange, that is, different from those ye heard from us; [Divers] that is, of all sorts: for they have no stability, but are different [one from another]. For especially manifold is the doctrine of meats.
For it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace; not with meats. These are the various, these the strange [doctrines]: especially as Christ has said, not that which enters into the mouth defiles the man, but that which comes out. Matthew 15:11 And observe that he does not make bold to say this openly, but as it were by a hint. For it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace, not with meats.
Faith is all. If that establishes [it], the heart stands in security. It follows that Faith establishes: consequently reasonings shake. For Faith is contrary to reasoning.
Which (he says) have not profited them that have been occupied therein. For what is the gain from the observance [of them], tell me. Does it not rather destroy? Does it not make such an one to be under sin? If it be necessary to observe [them], we must guard ourselves. Which (he says) have not profited them that have been occupied therein. That is, who have always diligently kept them.
There is one observance, abstaining from sin. For what profit is it, when some are so polluted, as not to be able to partake of the sacrifices? So that it did not save them at all; although they were zealous about the observances. But because they had not faith, even thus they profited nothing.
In the next place he takes away the sacrifice from the type, and directs his discourse to the prototype, saying, The bodies of those beasts whose blood is brought into the sanctuary by the High Priest, are burned without the camp. Then those things were a type of these and thus Christ, suffering without, fulfilled all.
Here he makes it plain too that He suffered voluntarily, showing that those things were not accidental, but even the [Divine] arrangement itself was of a suffering without. [He suffered] without, but His Blood was borne up into Heaven. You see then that we partake of Blood which has been carried into the Holy Place, the True Holy Place; of the Sacrifice of which the Priest alone had the privilege. We therefore partake of the Truth [the Reality]. If then we partake not of reproach [only] but of sanctification, the reproach is the cause of the sanctification. For as He was reproached, so also are we. If we go forth without therefore, we have fellowship with Him.
But what is, Let us go forth to Him? Let us have fellowship with Him in His sufferings; let us bear His reproach. For He did not simply bid us dwell outside the gate, but as He was reproached as a condemned person, so also we.
And by Him let us offer a sacrifice to God. Of what kind of sacrifice does he speak? The fruit of lips giving thanks to His Name. They [the Jews] brought sheep, and calves, and gave them to the Priest: let us bring none of these things, but thanksgiving. This fruit let our lips put forth.
For with such sacrifices God is well pleased. Let us give such a sacrifice to Him, that He may offer [it] to The Father. For in no other way it is offered except through the Son, or rather also through a contrite mind. All these things [are said] for the weak. For that the thanks belong to the Son is evident: since otherwise, how is the honor equal? That all men (He says) should honor the Son even as they honor the Father. John 5:23 Wherein is the honor equal? The fruit of our lips giving thanks to His Name. 8. Let us bear all things thankfully, be it poverty, be it disease, be it anything else whatever: for He alone knows the things expedient for us. For we know not what we should pray for as we ought. Romans 8:26 We then who do not know even how to ask for what is fitting, unless we have received of the Spirit, let us take care to offer up thanksgiving for all things, and let us bear all things nobly. Are we in poverty? Let us give thanks. Are we in sickness? Let us give thanks. Are we falsely accused? Let us give thanks: when we suffer affliction, let us give thanks.
This brings us near to God: then we even have God for our debtor. But when we are in prosperity, it is we who are debtors and liable to be called to account. For when we are in prosperity, we are debtors to God: and oftentimes these things bring a judgment upon us, while those are for a payment of sins. Those [afflictions] draw down mercy, they draw down kindness: while these on the other hand lift up even to an insane pride, and lead also to slothfulness, and dispose a man to fancy great things concerning himself; they puff up. Therefore the prophet also said, It is good for me, Lord, that You have afflicted me; that I may learn Your statutes. Psalm 119:71 When Hezekiah had received blessings and been freed from calamities, his heart was lifted up on high; when he fell sick, then was he humbled, then he became near to God. When He slew them, it says, then they sought Him diligently, and turned, and were early in coming to God. Psalm 78:34 And again, When the beloved waxed gross and fat, then he kicked. Deuteronomy 32:15 For the Lord is known when He executes judgments. Psalm 9:16
Affliction is a great good. Narrow is the way Matthew 7:14, so that affliction thrusts us into the narrow [way]. He who is not pressed by affliction cannot enter. For he who afflicts himself in the narrow [way], is he who also enjoys ease; but he that spreads himself out, does not enter in, and suffers from being so to say wedged in. See how Paul enters into this narrow way. He keeps under his body 1 Corinthians 9:27, so as to be able to enter. Therefore, in all his afflictions, he continued giving thanks unto God. Have you lost your property? This has lightened you of the most of your wideness. Have you fallen from glory? This is another sort of wideness. Have you been falsely accused? Have the things said against you, of which you are nowise conscious to yourself been believed? Rejoice and leap for joy. For blessed are you (He says) when men reproach you, and say all manner of evil against you, falsely, for My sake. Rejoice and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in Heaven. Matthew 5:11-12
Why do you marvel, if you are grieved, and wish to be set free from temptations? Paul wished to be set free, and oftentimes entreated God, and did not obtain. For the thrice for this I besought the Lord, is oftentimes; and He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 By weakness, he here means afflictions. What then? When he heard this he received it thankfully, and says, Wherefore I take pleasure in infirmities 2 Corinthians 12:10; that is, I am pleased, I rest in my afflictions. For all things then let us give thanks, both for comfort, and for affliction. Let us not murmur: let us not be unthankful. Naked came I out of my mother's womb, naked also shall I depart. Job 1:21 You did not come forth glorious, do not seek glory. You were brought into life naked, not of money alone, but also of glory, and of honorable name.
Consider how great evils have oftentimes arisen from wealth. For It is easier (it is said) for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 19:24 Do you see to how many good things wealth is a hindrance, and do you seek to be rich? Do you not rejoice that the hindrance has been overthrown? So narrow is the way which leads into the Kingdom. So broad is wealth, and full of bulk and swelling out. Therefore He says, Sell that you have Matthew 19:21, that that way may receive you. Why do you yearn after wealth? For this cause He took it away from you, that He might free you from slavery. For true fathers also, when a son is corrupted by some mistress, and having given him much exhortation they do not persuade him to part from her, send the mistress into banishment. Such also is abundance of wealth. Because the Lord cares for us, and delivers us from the harm [which arises] therefrom, He takes away wealth from us.
Let us not then think poverty an evil: sin is the only evil. For neither is wealth a good thing by itself: to be well-pleasing to God is the only good. Poverty then let us seek, this let us pursue: so shall we lay hold on heaven, so shall we attain to the other good things. Which may we all attain by the grace and lovingkindness of our Lord Jesus Christ, with whom to the Father together with the Holy Ghost be glory, power, honor, now and ever and world without end. Amen.

• John Chrysostom

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I feel like I'm going to die every other day. I'm catastrophizing everything. I have a smoke and leave the house; the house burns down. I use the toaster and leave it plugged in; the house burns down. The slightest chest pain feels like a heart attack. Rapid heart rate due to anxiety causes high blood pressure, which could lead to a heart attack. I'm losing my fucking kind and there's so much more but far too much to leave here but for context I'm very stressed and depressed overwhelmed amd over worked. I just feel like it's gonna happen and I'm scared

When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen and and cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time. According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap. I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe. Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.” He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground. Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder. Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
She stood with her arms at her sides, hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben said, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come and meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes found mine, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her eyes found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house. I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone. Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around the tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
**THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
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When I bothered turning around, the boy was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just a random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my class of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes. “No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom sobbed down the phone, when I tapped answer.
“Coming home now.” I muttered. “Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my sobs. “Mom, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood. It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt. “Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live every day knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day. Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
Yeah?
Whatever the boy was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
“I don't even wear glasses!”

I have my first rheumatologist appointment on Monday after having to wait four months for an available appointment. It all started because I had a horrible rash that lasted 8 months total, at the time I saw my first dermatologist I had it for 6, it had started as a small patch under my armpit and over time had grown and was covering my arms and even my legs but not my torso. That dermatologist did a biopsy (while I was taking steroids prescribed from an urgent care) and said it was inconclusive so likely eczema, but I felt like he was wrong. It’s one thing to develop eczema at 34 but majority of my body? So I went to my primary care (backwards I know) and he ran blood work.
As soon as the blood work came back he told me I needed to see a rheumatologist and gave me the referral. He also gave me a referral to a different dermatologist. He tried several medications including one that I had to sign a liability form stating I was aware it can cause cancer. NONE of the medications topical, oral, steroids, anti-fungal, ever helped they all seemed to make it worse or cause it to spread. The only thing that helped was when I was prescribed a medication to help control the itch, it’s for anxiety and blood pressure but off label can help with itchiness.
I have positive ANA and SJ. Negative rheumatoid factor, but as we all know a pos ANA SJ doesn’t tell us anything and just stresses me out. Between that and the fact that I have had four months to ignore it or spiral (no in between) I am so ready to start the process of figuring this out.
I realized I don’t know what is a symptom and what is just getting older. I am lethargic 3-5 days a week, like fall asleep as soon as I get home from work until I have to go back in the morning. I have been losing weight (even though I purposefully eat 3k+ calories a day, which has slowed the weight loss but not stopped it). My lymph nodes are swollen, (and even painful under my arms) my hands and feet swell up to the point I cannot wear rings anymore. My back hurts, my joints hurt, I thought my arms/hands hurting was due to my carpal tunnel (even though I haven’t done anything really to aggravate it) I get headaches that are debilitating at least 2x a week, my pinky and ring fingers are almost always numb, my big toes are constantly numb, brain fog a couple times a week, acne even though I’m mid 30s. I think that’s the majority of it.
Thank you all for letting me vent, any insight would be appreciated.

Alas, back to work. Good thing I got this finished before then!
Who is Electimuss? A British niche house, "founded in 2015 by Luke Granger and Jason Collison" according to their webpage despite their earliest releases actually being in 2013. Electimuss means “to choose the best” in Latin and is inspired by the epic tales of Ancient Rome, hence the columnar bottles I guess. They claim "obsession for creativity, quality and the quest for the best," supported by all their fragrances being 25-30% Pure Parfum/Extrait releases. At relatively low prices relative to other high-end niche houses, at least from discounters!
Another fairly new British house, like Thameen. This is a review of the 20pc Discovery Selection Box, which is not their full catalog. The set changes periodically to add in new releases while dispensing with some of the less popular old ones. Since I bought mine used quite a while back, some of my samples aren't in the current iteration of the DSB. Pretty nice box, though, with sample sprayers that consistently work.
In alphabetical order, because that's how they were ordered in the box:
Amber Aquilaria (Cinnamon, Peach, Mandarin orange, Bergamot; Cognac, Geranium, Jasmine, Rose, Neroli; Ambergris, Oud, Bourbon vanilla)

• A woody amber scent with an intriguing, almost medicinal, melange of fruit and spice on top. Is it the oud or the cognac, perhaps both? A piercing opening of sharp citrus and booze, an itchy dusting of cinnamon and peach fuzz, a hint of airy rose in the heart. Strong projection fades over 3-4hr, longevity 12hr+. 3.5/5

A very strange smell that I'm not even sure how much I really like it, yet it commands my interest.
Aurora (Oud, Cardamom, Saffron, Cloves; Rose, Patchouli, Sandalwood; White musk, Ambergris)

• A diffuse skeleton of a rose-oud-saffron fragrance. It's sweet with a light dusting of spices, has a fair bit of funk to it, and an airy rose tinting the scent. The sourness of the oud gives it an offputting floor cleaner undertone, as if entering a recently mopped room. Moderate projection fades over 3-4hr, longevity 12hr+. 2/5

Has an almost aldehydic sparkle to it.
Auster (Star anise, Lemon; Geranium, Cloves; Ambergris, Cedar, Patchouli, Musk, Sandalwood)

• Spicy woody scent. As if I'm polishing my dining room table with Lemon Pledge and whoops, my arm bonked the nearby spice rack and spilled a bunch of star anise + cloves all over. There's got to be a better way! Coarsely textured, with an almost camphorous overtone. The patchouli adds a little sweetness and earthiness. Moderately strong projection for 3-4hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3/5

The smell of fresh lacquer with the roughness of unfinished wood, sorta.
Black Caviar (Caviar, Cedar, Oud; Lavender, Sage, Rosemary; Patchouli, Oakmoss, Vetiver)

• Sort of a marine fougere-like or herbal aquatic. A salty aquatic matrix of thick gelatin is served on a soft woody base, spotted with a mixture of fresh green aromatics. The oud lends a diffusive quality without animalic notes. Gets more herbal as it dries down, with the lavender dominating to start but steadily giving way to its sibling notes. Moderately strong projection fades to a soft scent bubble over 3-4hr, longevity 12hr+. 2.5/5

The opening is a harsh, vinegary mistress but thankfully that fades after a few minutes. Obviously not a favorite, but a friend did compliment me on it.
Capua (Cypress, Elemi, Marigold, Bergamot; Cypriol, Cedar, Cumin; Amber, Cashmeran, Cedar, Vetiver)

• Smoky, ambery woods. A green piney cypress leads the opening, along with a fresh peppery veneer, but at its center is a dark, rich smoky woods. The immediate aftermath of a wildfire, charred trees still giving off warmth with conifer needles littering the ground. Resins slowly displace the smoke as it dries down, adding a mild sweetness. Strong projection fades to a modest scent bubble over ~3hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3/5

Where Auster smells like the process of crafting wooden furniture, this is more like the raw freshness of the outdoors. And a lot of smoke, at least initially.
Celestial (Saffron, Black pepper, Raspberry; Bulgarian rose, Indian rose absolute, Frankincense, Pink pepper; Tonka bean, Cedar, Guaiacwood)

• Peppery rose. A faint, sweet leather accord underpins a bouquet of fresh pink roses sprinkled with finely ground, earthy black pepper. Stout woods hold it down in the base, but the scent is fairly linear. Moderately strong scent bubble persists for 6-8hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3.5/5

If anything, the raspberry might actually be more noticeable in the drydown. Bright, candied, kinda gives it a musky/powdery texture as a skin scent.
Imperium (Bergamot, Coriander; Tuberose, Lily, Rose, Jasmine, Neroli, Saffron; Bourbon vanilla, Musk, Patchouli, Amber, Guaiacwood, Oud)

• Aventus, Hacivat, Ani blah blah blah. Does it open like them? Yeah, kinda. More like Explorer or Cedrat Boise, where they all do the "citrus posing as pineapple" thing. Anyway, a hint of orange, a melange of white florals, plus a healthy dose of creamy vanillic sweetness make it the brightest and most uplifting of the bunch. Fairly linear drydown to my nose, as I never get much in the way of the darker base notes listed. In short, I'd say it's like the opening of Hacivat without the drydown, add vanilla. Moderate initial projection that ramps up through the first hour before reining in over 4-5hr, longevity 12hr+. 5/5

One of my faves in the "inspired by Aventus" space. I tried this back in the day looking for vanilla gourmands... not a gourmand, but quite excellent in its own right. Like Aventus if you replaced the smoke with more vanilla. Less screechy than Hacivat.
Jupiter (Labdanum, Davana, Oud, Saffron, Incense; Cedar, Patchouli, Sandalwood, Vetiver; Ambrette, Musk, Oud, Ambergris, Tonka bean, Vanilla)

• A heavy dose of sweet saffron, backed by a mild oud. Subtle powder with the medicinal oud, light florals, and ambrette giving it a breezy, spacious feel. Faint wafts of fruity notes, leather accord, incense, amber accent the scent profile anchored to a sturdy wood base. Moderate projection for 3-4hr settles into a soft scent bubble over 5-6hr, longevity 16hr+. 4/5

Soft & sweet, a bit of a shapeshifter as it dries down. The ambrette swaps in and out of a dominant position in the mid, and it becomes a very dry leathery wood skin scent.
Mercurial Cashmere (Pink pepper, Cardamom, Bergamot; Tuberose, Violet, Iris, Ambergris; Caramel, Musk, Cashmeran, Tonka bean, Vanilla, Oud, Cedar)

• A face-meltingly bright opening of pink pepper and bubblegum tuberose, which gives way to a core of creamy caramel and purple flowers. Sweet, creamy, floral. Strong projection begins to fade after 3-4hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3.5/5

The opening is extremely aggressive, thankfully I like the scent well enough to not be so bothered. Vanillic cedar as a skin scent.
Octavian (Pink pepper, Saffron; Taif rose, Attar of roses, Frankincense; Oud, Amber)

• A pretty basic rose-oud-saffron scent. Most prominent is the moderately sour oud supported by an airy, almost soft powdered, pink rose. The saffron imparts a faint leather accord and hint of sweetness. Linear drydown. Very strong projection fades over 4-5hr, longevity 10-12hr. 2.5/5

A rose-oud-saffron by any other name...
Patchouli of the Underworld (Labdanum, Black pepper, Pink pepper, Mandarin orange; Patchouli, Leather, Carnation; Styrax, Castoreum, Labdanum)

• Peppery leather amberwoods. Rough leather and earthy black pepper, first and foremost, yet it's not as dark or heavy as those notes would imply. The pink pepper & mandarin lend an effervescence that give it a fresher, lightweight quality, while heavy labdanum envelops everything in the warm embrace of sweet amber. Moderate projection for 2-3hr settles into a comforting scent bubble, longevity 12hr+. 3.5/5

Not as challenging as the note breakdown looks, but also the patchouli is surprisingly minimized here.
Persephone's Patchouli (Cardamom, Plum, Pomegranate; Patchouli, Jasmine, Rose; Honey, Sandalwood, Ambergris, Cedar)

• A fairly green, woody patchouli is immediately front and center. It has an almost oudy sourness on initial spray (perhaps the tart pomegranate) that settles into a fruity, honeyed sweetness after a few minutes. Light florals lend a soft lift and dance with patchouli for the spotlight. Dries down to a fresh cedar skin scent. Moderately soft projection for 2-3hr, longevity 6-8hr. 3/5

This is much more patchouli-heavy than Underworld off the bat, although it somewhat fades in and out.
Pomona Vitalis (Lychee, Apple, Strawberry, Bergamot; Bulgarian rose, Rose absolute; Patchouli, Vanilla, Benzoin, Sandalwood, Styrax)

• Fresh, clean baby powder tinged with a soft, dusty rose. Juicy lychee & friends impart a thin, watery sweetness with a tart burst. Becomes more musky as it dries down but doesn't substantially change, it's always a powdery rose scent. Moderately soft projection for 2-3hr, longevity 10-12hr. 4/5

You know how cinnamon doesn't dissolve in water and just kinda floats on top? That's this fragrance. A bowl of water, with a finely powdered rose dusted across the surface. It's not bad but they never quite meld.
Puritas (Elemi, Pink pepper, Absinthe, Saffron; Frankincense, Rose, Tuberose absolute, Geranium, Ylang-ylang, Jasmine; Labdanum, Patchouli, Tonka bean, Guaiacwood, Vetiver, Amber)

• White floral absinthe. An odd mixture of cool and airy, yet resinous and medicinal. Dry, green, biting absinthe and bubblegum tuberose stand out to me in the opening, quickly followed by a subtle fruity sweetness and light incense. The frankincense dominates the drydown, an almost soapy clean white smoke scent. Moderate projection for 4-5hr, longevity 8-10hr. 3/5

Here's one for you "church smell" people if you can get past the opening.
Rhodanthe (Bergamot, Lemon, Pear, Cloves; Saffron, Violet, Raspberry, Black tea, Rose, Pink pepper; Oud, Amber, Cedar, Musk, Vanilla, Patchouli)

• A loud medley of fruit & spice in the opening. Candied raspberry and tart citruses are reined in by a sweet watery pear, pocked by earthy cloves and pepper. Infused with a soft rose throughout, it gets more woody as it dries down. Mostly cedar, with faint hints of smoky amber and patchouli. Moderately soft projection for 2-3hr, longevity 8-10hr. 4/5

Another rose-oud-saffron scent on paper, but they're minor players here covered by a veneer of bright, fresh fruits.
Silvanus (Saffron, Oud, Cloves; Sandalwood, Cedar, Lily-of-the-valley, Rosewood; Ambergris, White musk)

• A potent musky, lily-of-the-valley bomb. Heavy LotV with bits of sweetness and underlying woods. Fresh 'n' soapy clean but almost searingly bright, as if the alcohol never quite burns off or it's stuffed with aldehydes. Moderate projection for 3-4hr, longevity 8-10hr. 3.5/5

Not dissimilar to that neutral, clean musky smell of "unscented" laundry products where they simply combine fragrances into a sort of null scent.
Summanus (Cardamom, Bergamot, Orange, Black pepper, Ginger, Pine, Elemi; Rose, Jasmine absolute, Amyris, Amber, Cognac; Sandalwood, Cedar, Cypriol, Guaiacwood, Tonka bean)

• Citrus amber. A sweet counterbalance of candied orange peels with fresh, earthy spices and warm resins. Flavored with a hint of green, plus a touch of airy florals to help keep it from getting too dense. The woody base bolsters the creamy texture of the resins and reveals itself steadily as it dries down. Moderate projection for 5-6hr, longevity 12hr+. 4.5/5

Not too sweet, not too heavy, no single element stands out. A well-balanced, and fairly linear, composition.
Trajan (Mandarin orange, Blood orange, Lemon, Bergamot; Lavender, Sage, Saffron; Cedar, Oakmoss, Ambergris)

• Sweet 'n' spicy amberwoods. Primarily a heavy dose of saffron aerated by ambroxan + citruses, underpinned with fresh cedar + moss. Yep, it's Baccarat Rouge 540. A little more full-bodied than the original EDP, with added aromatics to give it some heft, yet not as dense as the Extrait. Very strong projection fades over 5-6hr, longevity 6-8hr. 4.5/5

The citruses lend a slight orangey flavor that is more interesting than the raw sugary sweetness of BR540, but Trajan doesn't have quite the same ethereal charm.
Vici Leather (Cinnamon, Wormwood, Pink pepper; Sweet leather accord, Tuberose, Amber, Balsamic notes)

• Soft, supple leather sandwiched between a caked-on layer of sweet cinnamon and warm balsamic notes. The spices give it a sort of fuzzy, powdery, suede-like texture. There's some underlying smoky woods plus a faint hint of absinthe, but I'm not really picking up tuberose. Moderately strong projection for 3-4hr, longevity 8-10hr. 4.5/5

A unique ambery leather scent that, to my nose, isn't as aggressively animalic as a lot of other reviews claim. I find it quite pleasant and genteel.
Vixere (Mandarin orange, Bergamot, Neroli, Grapefruit, Ylang-ylang; Violet, Jasmine, Iris, Gardenia, Heliotrope; Sandalwood, Patchouli, Musk, Tonka bean, Vanilla, Amber)

• Fresh, clean, a bit soapy powdered citrus floral. Orange pith dusted with finely crushed flowers. Little bits of all of them, in strength ranked in rough order by the note breakdown. Gains a vanillic sweetness as it dries down. Moderately strong projection for 2-3hr after a soft initial period, longevity 8-10hr. 4/5

Others compare it to Reflection Man, but that's much more of a white floral-centric scent whereas Vixere has lots of ylang and violet. The bright vanillic drydown reminds me of Imperium.
Summary:

• [5/5] Imperium
  
• [4.5/5] Summanus, Trajan, Vici Leather
  
• [4/5] Jupiter, Pomona Vitalis, Rhodanthe, Vixere
  
• [3.5/5] Amber Aquilaria, Celestial, Mercurial Cashmere, Patchouli of the Underworld, Silvanus
  
• [3/5] Auster, Capua, Persephone's Patchouli, Puritas
  
• [2.5/5] Black Caviar, Octavian
  
• [2/5] Aurora
  

Strong showing on the back end! Nice normal scoring curve overall. Mostly solid performances, great price at discounters, some bangers. A couple glorified clones but also a couple wholly unique scents. I'm a fan of Electimuss. Good showing for one of these newer "premium" niche houses otherwise lacking identity.
Next up? I enter my /indiemakeupandmore phase! 🧙‍♀️

Throwaway account, thanks for bearing with me.
I'm located in US-WA. just received a subrogation letter from my health insurance about an appointment I had with a physical therapist regarding pain/numbness/tingling in my hands and wrists. The letter says:

1. Was the medical care on for an accident-related injury, work injury, or work-related illness?
   
2. Are you making a claim or taking legal action, or do you plan to make a claim or take legal action because of this injury/illness?
   

I understand from the other posts I've read that my insurance just wants to recoup any of the costs possible by potentially being able to make a claim against another party.
What I'm not sure about is whether my injury actually counts as work-related. I've had problems with my hands for almost a decade, long before I even entered the workforce. I never sought medical care for this as far as I can remember, as my parents would just encourage me to scale back my activities at school to rest my hands, and the problems would fade. Still, I remember times where I would be unable to do my homework for days because it hurt to grip a pencil and write. Throughout college I had flare-ups and would manage by switching my studying methods and how I'd write up work. But once I became a full time employee working at a computer all day, it became extremely hard to rest my hands as needed. My hand problems were not _caused_ by my work, but they are absolutely exacerbated by it.
So, is this work-related?
If this does count as work-related, am I required to make a worker's comp claim for my health insurance to claim against?
(This might be a little off-topic:) If this does count as work-related, but I'm not required to make a worker's comp claim, should I still? I have excellent health insurance and I don't want to fight another party in trying to get my care approved. If it comes down to it I'd rather just pay out of pocket and give my body the best chance of recovering here. I don't want to make any decision that might limit the care I receive.

Just a quick warning - this post might be a little long. I'll try to keep it as short as I can though. tl;dr at the end.
So here is the situation. My wife and I are both POMO. Not DF or DA, just faded. We have a son, who I'll call Andre (4M), which seems like a good fake name for this subreddit. Andre is very sick. He has a rare genetic disease called Dravet Syndrome, which is an extremely severe form of epilepsy that also includes many other side effects. The effect of the disease on him is truly extreme. Here are some, but not all of the symptoms: He has seizures every day. A good day is 1 or 2 seizures. A bad day is 30-40 seizures. He's on multiple anti-seizure medications, but their effect is limited. He has severe autism, as in multi-day long meltdowns filled with crying and screaming that happen about once a month. He has severe developmental deficits, meaning that he hasn't developed at all since about 4 months of age. He's an infant in a toddler body. He doesn't walk or crawl, doesn't sit unassisted. He can't speak. And he probably never will. He is on oxygen 24/7 because he can't breathe properly without it. He is on a feeding tube because he can't swallow without aspirating. I can keep going, but I think you guys get the idea.
Andre basically requires 24/7 nursing support because of how fragile his health is. But we live in a rural area and that isn't available here, so my wife and I do it all ourselves. We would move, but housing is too expensive. Andre also gets hospitalized very regularly, usually for weeks or months at a time. Something as simple as the flu can send him to the pediatric ICU and have him intubated. As stressful and worrying as that is, its actually the only time that my wife and I ever get a break. When Andre isn't in the hospital, he has doctor's appointments and therapy appointments almost every day during the week - none of which are close by. We usually have to drive about an hour each way for each appointment. And he has various medications and treatments that occur throughout the day outside of the appointments.
The point I'm getting at is that we need help. Caring for Andre has become almost completely unmanageable and takes literally all of our time 24/7 (He's on monitors so that we'll be woken up at night if an emergency happens). Even if we wanted to be active witnesses, it would be completely impossible with both the schedule and level of risk we deal with on a daily basis. And things are about to get worse for us because my wife is pregnant. She only just found out a couple of months ago and it was a surprise because we weren't planning on having a second child and we were using birth control. We asked for a genetic test, and just got the results back a couple of days ago. Our second child has also tested positive for Dravet Syndrome. With a disease this bad, I honestly would consider abortion, but its already too late for that. My state limits abortion rights to a certain number of weeks, and we're already past that.
So all that leads me to my dilemma. Neither my wife or I have any family members that live nearby and are available to help out. So, I'm considering calling one of the elders in my local congregation and asking for help. I think if I were to do so, that they would actually help. But I also think they would try to insert themselves into my wife and son's medical care, which I don't want.
Now, my son's care doesn't usually involve blood (although he did have one hospital stay a few months back when he needed a blood fraction and I of course approved it). However, I want to make sure that if he ever does need blood, he can get it without interference from the organization. My wife, on the other hand - childbirth can be risky and while I hope everything goes well this time, the same concern applies. She should be able to decide for herself whether to take blood if needed without pressure or interference from the organization. I worry that asking the "friends" for help could end up causing problems with that.
So, random internet ex-witness strangers? What do you advise? Ask for help from the congregation and possibly get culty interference where we don't want it? Or try to continue doing it all on our own when we are already overwhelmed and don't know how we can handle more?
tl;dr: My son is extremely sick and medically fragile and taking care of him is about all we can handle. My wife is pregnant with a second child that is very likely to have the same disease. I don't know what to do because I don't think we can handle a second child that is as sick as our first. Should I ask the local congregation for help?

Wanted to share my dizziness/VM journey in hopes of helping anyone I can to find the exit ramp for themselves. It took me a year to put the pieces together, so maybe my story can shorten someone's journey.
TLDR; IF you've been checked out and the docs gave you a clean bill of health but you're still miserable, chances are pretty damn good your brain is pulling tricks for reasons, i.e. it's forcing you to slow TF down and chill for a minute. The way out is catching your brain in the act and gradually reprogramming your neural circuits. Sounds more complicated than it is. The best resources to assist that I've found are The Steady Coach and Unlearn Your Pain: The 28 Day Process to Reprogram Your Brain. Vestibular PT is also totally worth it, if you're dizzy between migraines.
2+ years ago I had about 6 months of serious stress, then I started having VMs, which lead to perpetual dizziness (PPPD). Also had episodes of Mal De Debarqument and BPPV. So you can find yourself in this story, these were my average symptoms:

• short 10-sec spins where the whole room would just whoosh
• feeling lightheaded but never fainting
• shakiness
• anxiety
• nausea
• hot flashes
• stomach would turn over
• excessive urination
• brain fog
• fatigue
• felt like floor was moving/I was riding a horse
• generally "feeling off"
• exercise intolerance
• heat/cold temp intolerance

When things got really bad, I had these symptoms too:

• both arms went partially numb (I could feel, but it was diminished)
• felt as if it was harder to breath and swallow
• my face would go numb/facial muscle twitches
• (and the scariest imo) my body from the neck down would fall asleep every night, though not fully to the point of pins & needles

Thoroughly panicking at this point, I went to every doc: my primary who ran some basic testing (genetic disorders, vitamin/metabolic/thyroid panel), neurologist #1 who dismissed me but at least sent me for an MRI, neurologist #2 who ran seizure tests, an endocrinologist who ran a hormone panel (stress hormones were high AF, no surprise since I was convinced I was dying), 2 vestibular specialists, and a rheumatologist who ran her tests too. After being thoroughly examined by everyone except neurologist #1 (jerk), I had a 100% clean bill of health. I could rest assured that I was fine. Except I obviously wasn't.
Through mostly serendipitous run-ins, I gradually put pieces together. My triggers: I would get VM the morning after road trips (VM was 4hrs in duration, until the episode that lasted 6 wks...), and from excessive time at the computer (not great for my desk job), or excessive scrolling. AND #1 trigger was STRESS.
The good neurologist prescribed 20mg of Amitriptyline, which helped immensely but I hated the side effects and I still got VM from work stress/computer periodically. I also got an episode of BPPV. I tried to use the GammaCore for vagus nerve stimulation and it gave me the worst migraine I ever had: It came on with a pop in my brain as I was driving to work, and I was bedridden for 3 days, couch ridden for another 4, and couldn't drive for 6 wks after. I did a course of vestibular therapy, and that helped my recovery immensely. While recovering, I read Dr. Beh's book, which was inspiring/helpful, but complicated (the wait to see Dr. Beh was months and expensive AF).
And then--from another serendipitous run-in--I discovered The Steady Coach (website, podcast, YT channel). Within a week of listening to the explanation episode my dizziness started to lift and was gone after a month. It seemed that every time I was like, "But why does ____ happen?" there was an episode to explain it. It was a godsend. The website offers a free course to help retrain your neural circuits. As a secondary source, or if you're intrigued by this weird corner of science and want more, I also found Dr. Schubiner's workbook Unlearn Your Pain: The 28 Day Process to Reprogram Your Brain to be very helpful, though I thought he went a bit too all in with his, "this will cure everything" stance... The first 2 chapters are free on his website.
I haven't had a full-blown VM since I discovered these resources 1 year ago, and my daily dizziness hasn't come back. I have been off Amitriptyline for 5 months. I do still regularly get slightly motion sick from the computer at the end of the work week and I do, but very rarely, get a 10-sec spin if I get highly stressed. But now I don't freak out about it, and it passes quickly. When I get a cold, some symptoms come back until I clear the virus, and then they're gone. I do still have health anxiety because the experience was so traumatic. I just started Emgality at my neurologist's suggestion to see if we can clean up these lingering symptoms, so fingers crossed for a full recovery. But I do think that without any medical intervention, I'd be my "normal self" in a couple years time with continued stress management, once my nervous system re-regulates.
My heart goes out to all you suffering from dizziness every day. It won't be like this forever.

I'm so desperate for answers so I will try to be as detalied as possible.
25 male, exercised regularly, worked 40-50 hours a week. Started having some issues back in September. Had some random panic attacks, they would start with tingling in my hands and feet and eventually work its way up into my face and cause me to go into a full panic mode. Some days I would wake up cold as hell and with low blood pressure. That would also put me into a state of panic. Had blood tests ran, heart monitor put on. Nothing could be found. It eventually got better, would still have those mornings where I would wake up cold but those were hit or miss.
Fast forward to February, I have the opportunity of a lifetime (to me anyways). Go on my first ever cruise. This would also mark my first time flying. I was super excited but super nervous, due to the health issues I had experienced in prior months. I debated on not going at all, but eventually decided to go since my ticket was free and I just had to pay for the flight. It was a full week cruise.
I honestly was miserable for most of it. The first two nights we ran into some rough weather and the boat rocked like hell. It put me into yet another panic attack while I was trying to sleep. Since I couldn't see what was happening (our room had no windows) it made everything worse.
After getting off the cruise ship that Friday, and checking into a hotel room for the afternoon until our flight later that night, I've had a non-stop rocking sensation. This would later be followed by a strong pulling sensation when I laid down to try and sleep, it scared the shit out of me. Afger doing research, i was convinced i had MDDS. When we got home, I booked an appointment with a neurologist who specializes in Vestibular issues and was diagnosed with Vestibular Migraine as well as MDDS.
I am posting in here because for the last month I've developed 24/7 vertigo and cannot figure out why. It's like I'm back on the boat at times. Everything in my vision moves up and down or side to side. I am currently on venlafaxine 75 MG and have almost finished being on this dose for a full month. I'm becoming more depressed as this goes on because I've lost all enjoyment in my life. I can't play video games like I used to. I can't workout due to the vertigo. I'm gaining weight and am honestly not seeing the point in life anymore if this is what I have to deal with for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Does anybody have any recommendations for me? I'm doing VOR therapy, but that doesn't seem to be helping at all.

Now, I'll preface that I'm not going to immediately assume that Nakamura and Nozawa intentionally set out to do this. The series focuses more on deconstructing common archetypes in the harem genre, and since we've gotten some actual explanations in-story about certain character behaviors, I won't jump to conclusions. I'm also probably not the first to draw these conclusions, these are just my interpretations.
That being said, 100 Girlfriends has still managed to create some of the most relatable characters to me as someone on the spectrum. Whether it was on purpose or not, I do think the series has managed to create what could be seen as very solid neurodivergent characterization, and in ways that even series that set out to have autistic characters or the like have failed at. There's probably a lot of details you can read into regarding many of the girls, but there's two I want to focus on in particular: Shizuka and Ahko.
The go-to example for many people would likely be Nano, but you'll see why I chose these two.
Shizuka

• Her being an example of the Cute Mute trope isn't just about her being shy, but outright nonverbal. She can talk, but it's really difficult for her, and she only does so when she's forced to.
• Her favorite novel, Circlet Love Story, became sort of a lens for how she frames the world around her. The anime expanded on this idea with her own fantasy sequences, portraying herself as a princess and Rentarou as a knight. She's also read the story so much that she's effectively memorized everything, right down to the page locations for every bit of dialogue.
• Her initial means of communicating with people was by using quotes from CLS. However, she doesn't speak in quotes, but points to the dialogue in the physical novel she always carries around to convey ideas to people. In her mind, this makes sense because she knows what she's trying to say, and the dialogue in the novel conveys it better than she feels she can. This is, of course, an odd and cumbersome way to talk with others.
• She initially doesn't socialize well, preferring to keep to herself and having issues making eye contact with others. A lot of that was made worse by her getting bullied by people who found her means of communicating weird or creepy, including her own mother.
• Her special interest with literature, to the point that she has a literal stack of book recommendations for Rentarou when he asks for some. The way her eyes light up when he asks really strikes me as the joy someone gets when they have the chance to infodump about their interests.
• Rentarou's way of helping her isn't by getting her to finally speak, but providing her with the E-book version of CLS on her phone, which he typed out word-for-word just for her. With a text-to-speech function, it's essentially an accessibility aid, which she's used ever since to help talk to others. She also presumably has other books she can use if she needs more vocabulary.

Their romance isn't based on him helping Shizuka be normal, but instead about being a better version of herself. All this becomes the major focus in Chapters 134 & 135, where her mother becomes the latest antagonist. Mrs. Yoshimoto believes that Shizuka can't possibly live a normal life if she can't speak, but instead of trying to help her communicate, she blames herself for not being strict enough as a parent and doubles down on the issue by confiscating her phone.
Now Mrs. Yoshimoto could have her own analysis, but sticking to the chapters, she believes that Shizuka having her accessibility aid has done more to stunt her development, and she considers Rentarou an enabler; just a white knight trying to feel good about himself before he dumps her. Rentarou, of course, calls her out on all this, not only because he sincerely loves Shizuka, but also that her mother has done far more to hamper her development because she never bothered to ask what Shizuka wants. She just assumed Shizuka would want to be "normal" and, in doubling down on her strict parenting and verbally abusing her to try and force her to talk, she's only made her daughter's problems with communicating worse.
It's really not hard to read into this as a parent who doesn't understand her neurodivergent child and it's one of the best two-parters in the manga IMO. I'm glad that she came around and did try to understand Shizuka's preferred means of communicating, but it's probably gonna take some time before they're on good terms.
While Shizuka's probably the most obvious example, I also find Ahko is another good candidate and in different ways:
Ahko:

• While Shizuka has difficulty communicating verbally, Ahko has difficulty conveying intent. She's not very physically expressive, with her face always seeming frozen in a smile, and she has a pretty flat affect to go with it. While this has been attributed in-story to her having low blood pressure, it's also not hard to believe it could be because she's on the spectrum, or even both.
• While she's not very expressive, she still feels very strong emotions, mostly expressed in the artwork through her eyes and when she blushes.
• Because of her difficulty with intent, coupled with her flat affect, a lot of what she says can feel unemotional and inappropriate for a given social situation. She tried to show her support when a friend's boyfriend dumped her, saying she was "tooootally pissed off," but it came across as her not reading the room. Moments like that made her feel unwelcome around them.
• Also like Shizuka's special interest with literature, Ahko's is with collecting cute things. Her idea of "cute" is also pretty broad, as Karane has pointed out, and she's collected so many by the time she meets Rentarou that it's made her phone pretty heavy and her collection is starting to clutter up her house. Even then, she doesn't want to throw anything out. After Rentarou takes her to a flea market so she could sell some of her collection, it helped her realize that she loves sharing things with others, especially things that make both of them happy. Rentarou even describes it as a moment where two people share a connection even if they aren't on the same page.

Things come together with these elements in Chapter 92, which is one of the most relatable to me in the entire manga. Ahko makes plans to go shopping with Karane after school and the two initially have a great time together. But then Ahko's old friend group shows up and want to hang out again, which she's initially hesitant to, but since Karane doesn't mind, she goes ahead with it. Even then, as they're going around the mall, Karane can tell Ahko's forcing herself to have fun and eventually takes her aside.
Ahko explains that, while she would've liked for them all to be friends with them again, she still remembers all those times there was friction between them. Friction that she feels personally responsible for, since she's never sure what sort of face to make and her flat affect always seeming to make her not care, to the point that it created a wall between her and the rest of the group.
But what hurts worse is that, even after they ditched her, the group still wants to hang out and she has no idea how to interpret that. And in what I still think is one of the most heartbreaking panels in the manga, she asks Karane if she's making the right kind of face, with very real pain and sadness in her eyes even while she's smiling.
When the group returns, Karane confronts them about the shitty ways they've treated Ahko and then acting like nothing ever happened, demanding they apologize. In response, they lay all blame Ahko for being clueless and that Karane's being overdramatic, which she does not take kindly to. She declares that she's Ahko's BFF now and they can get lost. She apologizes for losing her cool, but Ahko doesn't mind.
Karane even admits she admits she's kinda jealous that Ahko, even if she's not very expressive, is still very honest about her feelings and has no problem calling things cute. Of course, being a tsundere, even Ahko knows she IS very honest in her own way, and she's happy that Karane would stand up for her like that.
Once again, a lot of this could be interpreted as an autistic girl trying her hardest to get along with peers who dismiss her for not being normal, and the story sides firmly with Ahko because she has done nothing wrong. It's not her fault she can't express herself like the rest and they also never bothered to try understanding her.
These are just two big example of writing in this series that addresses the real issue of being someone who doesn't communicate in the same way as everyone else, and the solution is not to help them fit in with what's "normal," but to assure them that they can just be themselves around people who accept them.
From what I understand, Japanese society places a strong emphasis on conformity, and people who can't stick to that are seen as rude or even creepy. Discussions about mental health are rare at best, and so autistic children may not get the support they need. With that in mind, I can understand why, if all this was intentional, these two weren't simply said to have autism to some extent. Even if not, it's hard to interpret the aesops of Chapters 92 and 135 as anything other than "be kind and understanding to people who aren't like everyone else."
Bottom line, while I admit I could just be reading into things, I still think it's fair to say Shizuka and Ahko could both be interpreted as autistic. It's nice to see characters like this who are allowed to be themselves in ways where their success isn't measured in how normal they are or how well they fit in with society, but just how happy they are and how being around people who care improves their lives.
I'm also glad that they aren't condescended to, their quirks aren't treated purely as jokes (while still being a source of comedy at times, it's never to mock them), and they also aren't portrayed as completely unempathetic jerks or massive super mega-geniuses. Both are a common portrayals in Western media and I'm very tired of both. It's nice to see more down-to-Earth portrayals that emphasize the difficulties in socializing instead.
Anyone else agree or am I reading too much into the text? Do you think there are other examples among the group?

First Chapter Previous Chapter
The weighty thud of a suitcase hitting the floor snapped Mrs. Vilonte from her thoughts. She reached for a shot glass and filled it with scotch, her eyes drifting towards the staircase where her husband stood, ready to depart, his coat and hat in hand, suitcase beside him.
“Such a fine example of a gentleman,” she quipped, before knocking back the shot, the fiery liquid stoking her bitterness while at the same time loosening up the tension in her muscles.
“Shattering our marriage and leaving your family behind. Bravo, truly the epitome of manliness, Philip!”
“I need to go away for a little while for my own sake.”
“Sure, just a little while,” she retorted with a tone dripping in disdain.
“I'll be on my own staying at a hotel downtown. I need to be alone to think about things.”
“Alone? Oh, please. I could smell that cunt’s juice lingering on your breath from here.”
“I already told you that I'm not sleeping around!”
Mrs. Vilonte scoffed incredulously, knowing that wasn't true. While running through the surreal forest in search of escape, she stumbled upon a field of mirrors. There, reflected back at her, she saw him and that... bitch (she couldn't bring herself to say her name).
“You disgust me,” she spat.
“I disgust you? Look around you! Our family is now broken! There's nothing much to salvage. I don't know why I've stayed this long with you.”
Her husband spread his arms, indicating to their sparsely furnished home, a stark contrast to its former opulence, once boasting luxurious chairs, sofas, tables, and an assortment of porcelain and gold souvenirs gathered from various corners of the world. After Mrs. Vilonte's recent release from the hospital, they resorted to selling off belongings to alleviate their mounting debts.
Gabrielle remained missing, and the once fervent public support for their search had dwindled. Instead, attention now fixated on their son George, who had been arrested for a heinous crime, a revelation that shook Mrs. Vilonte to her core, questioning if his profession as a pediatrician concealed darker truths.
As if their troubles weren't enough, the Vilontes faced another blow as their son-in-law Eric de Leon announced that once Gabrielle was found, he would sever ties following a leaked video of his wife's affair. At first, Mrs. Vilonte dismissed the rumors, convinced of their falsehood until the relentless gossip and media scrutiny left her with no choice but to see it for herself.
Despite her belief that they were mistaken, the disturbing reality sneered at her in the video. It wasn't just her daughter losing herself in the throes of passion that upset her, but the sickening revelation was that the man was none other than the young-looking Salerno. He stood there, drenched in sweat, gasping for air, a triumphant grin plastered across his face as he stared directly into the camera.
The sight was seared into her mind, a repulsive image she longed to erase and obliterate from her memory.
She poured another generous measure of scotch, the amber liquid glinting in the dim light. Downing it in one motion, she clenched her eyes shut, feeling the sting of hot tears welling behind her eyelids.
The once vibrant family photographs that were hung on the walls now seemed to mock the present reality. They were moments of happiness and togetherness that felt distant and unattainable.
Their meals together had become silent affairs, punctuated only by the clinking of cutlery and the heavy sighs of resignation. Love had been replaced by apathy, joy by melancholy. They had become strangers to each other.
“This isn't the life I envisioned for our family,” she murmured, her voice tinged with regret. “Do you ever wonder what got us to this level of wealth? How we have managed to come this far?”
“Because of our children, of course. And Gabrielle had been the one to give us so much.”
With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she erupted into laughter, her hand finding its place over her heart as if to contain the cynicism and bitterness bursting within. Her head swayed from side to side in disagreement.
“Oh, Philip, you don't know anything.”
Exasperated, Mr. Vilonte released a heavy sigh, his gaze narrowing with frustration as he focused on her. “That's because you never tell me anything. You always keep me in the dark.”
“You wouldn't like the truth. If you knew, trust me, you'd despise yourself.”
“I just want the truth.”
Perhaps fueled by the scotch coursing through her veins, she felt a surge of excitement, finally ready to shove the raw truth in her husband's face. “Everything you've ever enjoyed—the house, our children's successes, the money—they’re all because of me!”
“You? Just you alone?” he dismissed with a snort.
“I may have had a little help from beyond.”
“Beyond? What does that even mean?”
“I made a deal with some…with something…” her voice trailed off, the words hard to admit. “When Gabby lost her role as First Chair violinist at the beginning of her senior year, I felt I had no choice but to intervene. I did what needed to be done.”
Mr. Vilonte's voice carried a weight of seriousness as he asked, “What did you do?”
“I offered sacrifices. Victoria was the first, and Gabby was the second.”
Mrs. Vilonte stood up, her legs unsteady from the scotch's effects.
With careful steps, she walked over to a table and picked up Gabby's violin which had been believed to have been destroyed at the concert hall, yet it mysteriously reappeared by her bedside one morning.
She shoved the instrument into her husband's hands. “This violin is Victoria.”
“You mean that you stole this from the Sullivan girl?” He blinked at her, taken aback.
“No, I didn’t steal it. What I'm saying is, this violin is made out of her.”
Mr. Vilonte drew in a sharp breath through clenched teeth. “Isabella, really now! You're talking nonsense.”
He returned the violin to her, wiping his hands with a handkerchief as if ridding them of something unclean. Mrs. Vilonte then pulled out the bow from the case and showed him its auburn hairs.
“Do you remember that she had hair like this?” she asked. “Dark red hair. This is her hair. And the wood of the violin and bow… not real wood but bones. Her bones!”
Mr. Vilonte scowled. “Stop it! Stop talking!”
But she pressed on, her voice escalating in fervor. “You need to understand. I wasn't just in a coma at the hospital; I was transported elsewhere, to another realm entirely. It was a shadowy forest, seemingly lifeless except for the tree surrounding me. They were alive. They stood bare, devoid of leaves or undergrowth. Then this monstrous creature appeared and felled one of the trees. The tree let out a cry. It screamed. I believe those trees were souls. The creature crafted string instruments from them, but Gabby's violin is unique. Hers was made not just from Victoria's soul, but from her very flesh and bones.”
Mr. Vilonte stood in stunned silence, only to be snapped out of it by a car horn blaring from their driveway. He cleared his throat, donned his hat and coat, and grabbed his suitcase.
“That's my ride,” he said.
“Didn't you hear anything I just said?”
“I... I'm at a loss for words, Isabella.”
“Don't go, Philip! Please, stay.”
“And why should I?”
“Because... because…” Her voice trailed off, unable to find a compelling reason.
“I need to leave,” he sighed, pausing at the door. Turning to his wife, he added, "Please, Isabella, seek help. I beg of you.”
Mrs. Vilonte moved to the window, drawing back the curtains just enough to see her traitorous former assistant in the driver's seat. Anger welled up inside her, fueling a sudden craving for another sip of scotch.
XXXXX
“You’re quiet. Is there something wrong?” Sara asked, quickly glancing over at him. Mr. Vilonte sighed as he gazed out the window. “It's just... I'm amazed at how fast my life has turned upside down within a matter of weeks.”
“Did you tell her about us? Are you having regrets?”
“No regrets about us,” he reassured her, “and somehow, she already knew about us. I'm not sure how, but she did.” He reached over, placing a comforting hand on her thigh and gently stroking it.
“Good! I was starting to think you were going to ask me to turn this car around and drive you back to that devil woman!”
“Oh, definitely not! You know much I would rather be with you. I can't wait until we get to the hotel.”
Sara smiled and pushed the gas pedal, but as she crossed the train tracks, the car suddenly stopped. Despite pressing the gas again, the car remained immobile, the car remained stuck in place.
XXXXX
Her hands glided over the violin's smooth surface, fingers delicately plucking the strings. The sound swelled, filling the quiet house. She reached once more for her scotch, taking another sip.
She tried to make sense of the chaos that had become her life. It was as if a storm had swept away everything she held dear, leaving behind only wreckage and ruin.
XXXXX
The engine hummed, and the wheels screeched against the railroad tracks, but the car wouldn't budge. Sara switched off the engine, then restarted it, pressing the gas again.
“Why isn't it moving?” Mr. Vilonte questioned.
Sara slammed her palm against the steering wheel, exclaiming, “I have no idea!”
As the warning bell sounded and the barriers lowered, he yelled at her to hit the gas—the train was nearing. With the car still stuck, Mr. Vilonte suggested they ditch it and run to safety.
However, when he pressed the ejection button, his seat belt tightened around him, holding Sara back as well. Panic surged through them. They frantically pulled at their seatbelts and pressed the ejection button with growing desperation.
Mr. Vilonte glanced out the window, his eyes widening in alarm as the freight train drew nearer, its horn blaring loudly.
XXXXX
The shot glass tumbled from her fingers, hitting the wooden floor with a clang and rolling away, leaving a trace of spilled scotch. Gripping the violin tightly with both hands, her hold grew stronger, fueled by a rage that heated her blood.
She opened her mouth, unleashing a guttural scream that echoed through the room. Clutching the violin by its delicate neck, she hoisted it high and forcefully slammed it onto the table with all her might. The instrument shattered upon impact, with strings snapping and splinters scattering in all directions.
Tears welled in her eyes. She raised the broken instrument and flung it against the wall. Moving to the scattered pieces, she lifted her foot and stomped down on the pieces, envisioning each stomp as a blow to her husband's face.
“Fucking bastard! You and your trash whore!”
When she was lost in the field of mirrors, each mirror presented a window into a potential future. She had watched their entangled figures in bed, and overcome by the sight, she took a rock and shattered the glass. But the pieces reassembled on their own, replaying the scene before her again.
In one mirror, a different scene played before. George appeared smart in his suit, yet his hands were bound behind him as he was led into court. The judge pronounced him guilty, struggling to keep his composure as he read aloud the details of the horrific crime. His voice was thick with revulsion.
Then in another, she witnessed her granddaughter growing up without a father, while her mother was lost in profound depression. Friends and neighbors turned their backs on the family, and as school bullying and financial problems escalated, they were forced to move from house to apartment, ultimately finding themselves living out of their car.
Victoria's cackling laughter surrounded her. “See what will become of your family.” Mrs. Vilonte covered her ears, pleading. “Stop it! Stop laughing! I don't want to hear it!”
“Oh, but look, not all of your future is bleak. Sometimes, there's a glimmer of sunshine after the rain.”
“Lies!”
“Look in that mirror. Open your eyes. See for yourself.”
She turned to see a mirror revealing Gabrielle in bed, restless and tossing. Her eyes clenched shut, sweat glistening on her brow as she cried out for her mother. Beside her was a small red creature, with thin arms and legs, bearing the face and tusks of a swine.
The sight was deeply unsettling. The mere sight of the creature filled her with an overwhelming sense of disgust, as she gazed upon an abomination that defied nature itself.
XXXXX
The crash happened in an instant. As the train barreled forward, the car was crushed beneath its force metal twisting and bending, windows exploding into shards. The deafening noise of metal grinding and glass shattering overwhelmed him.
A powerful force hurled him into the air. Then, as fast as it had all happened, his vision darkened to black. When he finally came to, he was upside down, held in place by the seat belt. He glanced towards Sara, but she appeared as a red blur; his vision still clearing.
Tentatively reaching out, he felt her warm, soft skin, which was damp. Bringing his hand closer, he saw his fingers were covered in blood mingled with fragments of flesh.
The air thickened around him as the devastating realization washed over him like a tidal wave, leaving him numb. His fingers clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms as he struggled to hold back his grief.
In that moment, Mr. Vilonte felt his soul enveloped by a darkness so deep that it seemed impossible to find his way back to the surface. But, suddenly, the stink of gasoline blended with burning metal and rubber reached him, pulling him back to reality.
He knew he had to escape the car immediately. His fingers fumbled for the ejection button, but hesitated when the ground started to shake and he spotted the hooves of what appeared to be a large goat approaching.
XXXXX
Her breath came in ragged, uneven gasps, each one a struggle as she grappled with the overwhelming emotions that threatened to eat her up. She steadied herself against the wall before bending down to gather the broken violin pieces. She tossed them one by one into the fireplace, dousing them with lighter fluid and setting them ablaze.
As the fire consumed the wood, it crackled and hissed, releasing tiny embers that spiraled upwards like fiery spirits seeking escape. The varnish on the violin began to bubble and blister, turning from a glossy sheen to a charred, matte texture.
Victoria's bones began to smolder, its fibers unraveling and curling as they were consumed by the heat. The scent that filled the room was a mix of burning bones and melting varnish, a pungent aroma that stung the nostrils and lingered in the air.
She sank into the sofa chair, taking a swig directly from the scotch bottle. A blend of relief and closure washed over her as she watched the flames reduce the violin to ashes.

I don't actually know if this is the right sub to post in but wondering if anyone else is also in a similar position.. also posted in another group!
Currently 28 weeks pregnant and have two dogs (one age 3 and one age 8.5 months). This pregnancy was a welcome yet unexpected surprise a month after getting a shepherd pup.
My older dog is a dream, my soul dog as you will. The pup was a very good boy up until a few months ago, when for no obvious reason he has became reactive on walks - and is very loud in the house / garden when he hears a noise. My SO has put a lot of work into him but it's now causing so much stress, to the point where days off feel like a chore instead of exciting (because the day revolves around the pup, can't go for a walk at peak busy times because of how stressful it is, cant go out beforetm tiring him out too of course). When he lunges he is powerful- so its all down to my partner for walks.
We use force free methods and his high value treat is his ball. Our go to method is to have the ball and make him go in between our legs whilst the other dog passes us. Or to have the ball using the watch command whilst the dog passes. However sometimes he decides he should still lunge and react at a perfectly calm dog and suddenly doesn't want the ball anymore. (He also goes ape if a dog barks or growls at him first- which I understand). He is off lead most of the walks we go on and is back on when we see dogs etc.
My concern when the baby comes is

1. I fear when baby comes and is settled, pup will bark at ANYTHING and wake him. - it's a work in progress to stop him barking when the curtains are open. He also barks in the car at anything and it is loouuddd. I don't mind when someone comes to the door, but to bark when there's a car door 5 houses away does get frustrating.
   
2. It's going to be warm so I'd like to spend a lot of my maternity out in the garden/ conservatory. I can't have the dog just out barking at nothing or the neighbors when me & baby are chilling (of course I will still play ball but obviously won't be constant). I also can't lumber my partner with him all day as he will still be working. As it is we both are working at home and one has the pup when the other is in a call or meetings etc. Other than that he chills around the house or amuses himself with the ball. He does not bark or react to noises in the garden when we are playing fetch.
   
3. I fear it will all fall on my partner and it will get too much for him- I'm talking already losing sleep, getting up to walk the (reactive) dog whilst looking after me and the baby too. He usually gets walked 3x before breakfast, at lunch and after work.
   
4. We won't be able to enjoy long family walks or picnics - this is causing me lots of stress, as I want to go to public parks etc, but I know it will be too much for the pup and it will ruin the whole thing. I also couldn't leave him at home for hours as that would make me feel very guilty.
   

And not many trainers round here are actually very good- we use all the methods spoke about in books, for example he knows what leave it means, but clearly doesn't when there's a sweet quiet dog passing by. He does also heel but again reacts - no need for us to be using head collars etc.
I'm not sure why he's reactivate- maybe fear, maybe sometimes protective, maybe frustration idk.
The dog is so sweet and we love him so much, I don't actually know why I'm posting but I've got no one else to speak to, aside from my SO.
Just wanted to know if anyone else had / has a baby with a reactive dog, and how it's going. Obviously If we were to plan a baby we would've waited until dog was older and more mature, but that's life and we don't just want to give up.

First Chapter Previous Chapter
The weighty thud of a suitcase hitting the floor snapped Mrs. Vilonte from her thoughts. She reached for a shot glass and filled it with scotch, her eyes drifting towards the staircase where her husband stood, ready to depart, his coat and hat in hand, suitcase beside him.
“Such a fine example of a gentleman,” she quipped, before knocking back the shot, the fiery liquid stoking her bitterness while at the same time loosening up the tension in her muscles.
“Shattering our marriage and leaving your family behind. Bravo, truly the epitome of manliness, Philip!”
“I need to go away for a little while for my own sake.”
“Sure, just a little while,” she retorted with a tone dripping in disdain.
“I'll be on my own staying at a hotel downtown. I need to be alone to think about things.”
“Alone? Oh, please. I could smell that cunt’s juice lingering on your breath from here.”
“I already told you that I'm not sleeping around!”
Mrs. Vilonte scoffed incredulously, knowing that wasn't true. While running through the surreal forest in search of escape, she stumbled upon a field of mirrors. There, reflected back at her, she saw him and that... bitch (she couldn't bring herself to say her name).
“You disgust me,” she spat.
“I disgust you? Look around you! Our family is now broken! There's nothing much to salvage. I don't know why I've stayed this long with you.”
Her husband spread his arms, indicating to their sparsely furnished home, a stark contrast to its former opulence, once boasting luxurious chairs, sofas, tables, and an assortment of porcelain and gold souvenirs gathered from various corners of the world. After Mrs. Vilonte's recent release from the hospital, they resorted to selling off belongings to alleviate their mounting debts.
Gabrielle remained missing, and the once fervent public support for their search had dwindled. Instead, attention now fixated on their son George, who had been arrested for a heinous crime, a revelation that shook Mrs. Vilonte to her core, questioning if his profession as a pediatrician concealed darker truths.
As if their troubles weren't enough, the Vilontes faced another blow as their son-in-law Eric de Leon announced that once Gabrielle was found, he would sever ties following a leaked video of his wife's affair. At first, Mrs. Vilonte dismissed the rumors, convinced of their falsehood until the relentless gossip and media scrutiny left her with no choice but to see it for herself.
Despite her belief that they were mistaken, the disturbing reality sneered at her in the video. It wasn't just her daughter losing herself in the throes of passion that upset her, but the sickening revelation was that the man was none other than the young-looking Salerno. He stood there, drenched in sweat, gasping for air, a triumphant grin plastered across his face as he stared directly into the camera.
The sight was seared into her mind, a repulsive image she longed to erase and obliterate from her memory.
She poured another generous measure of scotch, the amber liquid glinting in the dim light. Downing it in one motion, she clenched her eyes shut, feeling the sting of hot tears welling behind her eyelids.
The once vibrant family photographs that were hung on the walls now seemed to mock the present reality. They were moments of happiness and togetherness that felt distant and unattainable.
Their meals together had become silent affairs, punctuated only by the clinking of cutlery and the heavy sighs of resignation. Love had been replaced by apathy, joy by melancholy. They had become strangers to each other.
“This isn't the life I envisioned for our family,” she murmured, her voice tinged with regret. “Do you ever wonder what got us to this level of wealth? How we have managed to come this far?”
“Because of our children, of course. And Gabrielle had been the one to give us so much.”
With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she erupted into laughter, her hand finding its place over her heart as if to contain the cynicism and bitterness bursting within. Her head swayed from side to side in disagreement.
“Oh, Philip, you don't know anything.”
Exasperated, Mr. Vilonte released a heavy sigh, his gaze narrowing with frustration as he focused on her. “That's because you never tell me anything. You always keep me in the dark.”
“You wouldn't like the truth. If you knew, trust me, you'd despise yourself.”
“I just want the truth.”
Perhaps fueled by the scotch coursing through her veins, she felt a surge of excitement, finally ready to shove the raw truth in her husband's face. “Everything you've ever enjoyed—the house, our children's successes, the money—they’re all because of me!”
“You? Just you alone?” he dismissed with a snort.
“I may have had a little help from beyond.”
“Beyond? What does that even mean?”
“I made a deal with some…with something…” her voice trailed off, the words hard to admit. “When Gabby lost her role as First Chair violinist at the beginning of her senior year, I felt I had no choice but to intervene. I did what needed to be done.”
Mr. Vilonte's voice carried a weight of seriousness as he asked, “What did you do?”
“I offered sacrifices. Victoria was the first, and Gabby was the second.”
Mrs. Vilonte stood up, her legs unsteady from the scotch's effects.
With careful steps, she walked over to a table and picked up Gabby's violin which had been believed to have been destroyed at the concert hall, yet it mysteriously reappeared by her bedside one morning.
She shoved the instrument into her husband's hands. “This violin is Victoria.”
“You mean that you stole this from the Sullivan girl?” He blinked at her, taken aback.
“No, I didn’t steal it. What I'm saying is, this violin is made out of her.”
Mr. Vilonte drew in a sharp breath through clenched teeth. “Isabella, really now! You're talking nonsense.”
He returned the violin to her, wiping his hands with a handkerchief as if ridding them of something unclean. Mrs. Vilonte then pulled out the bow from the case and showed him its auburn hairs.
“Do you remember that she had hair like this?” she asked. “Dark red hair. This is her hair. And the wood of the violin and bow… not real wood but bones. Her bones!”
Mr. Vilonte scowled. “Stop it! Stop talking!”
But she pressed on, her voice escalating in fervor. “You need to understand. I wasn't just in a coma at the hospital; I was transported elsewhere, to another realm entirely. It was a shadowy forest, seemingly lifeless except for the tree surrounding me. They were alive. They stood bare, devoid of leaves or undergrowth. Then this monstrous creature appeared and felled one of the trees. The tree let out a cry. It screamed. I believe those trees were souls. The creature crafted string instruments from them, but Gabby's violin is unique. Hers was made not just from Victoria's soul, but from her very flesh and bones.”
Mr. Vilonte stood in stunned silence, only to be snapped out of it by a car horn blaring from their driveway. He cleared his throat, donned his hat and coat, and grabbed his suitcase.
“That's my ride,” he said.
“Didn't you hear anything I just said?”
“I... I'm at a loss for words, Isabella.”
“Don't go, Philip! Please, stay.”
“And why should I?”
“Because... because…” Her voice trailed off, unable to find a compelling reason.
“I need to leave,” he sighed, pausing at the door. Turning to his wife, he added, "Please, Isabella, seek help. I beg of you.”
Mrs. Vilonte moved to the window, drawing back the curtains just enough to see her traitorous former assistant in the driver's seat. Anger welled up inside her, fueling a sudden craving for another sip of scotch.
XXXXX
“You’re quiet. Is there something wrong?” Sara asked, quickly glancing over at him. Mr. Vilonte sighed as he gazed out the window. “It's just... I'm amazed at how fast my life has turned upside down within a matter of weeks.”
“Did you tell her about us? Are you having regrets?”
“No regrets about us,” he reassured her, “and somehow, she already knew about us. I'm not sure how, but she did.” He reached over, placing a comforting hand on her thigh and gently stroking it.
“Good! I was starting to think you were going to ask me to turn this car around and drive you back to that devil woman!”
“Oh, definitely not! You know much I would rather be with you. I can't wait until we get to the hotel.”
Sara smiled and pushed the gas pedal, but as she crossed the train tracks, the car suddenly stopped. Despite pressing the gas again, the car remained immobile, the car remained stuck in place.
XXXXX
Her hands glided over the violin's smooth surface, fingers delicately plucking the strings. The sound swelled, filling the quiet house. She reached once more for her scotch, taking another sip.
She tried to make sense of the chaos that had become her life. It was as if a storm had swept away everything she held dear, leaving behind only wreckage and ruin.
XXXXX
The engine hummed, and the wheels screeched against the railroad tracks, but the car wouldn't budge. Sara switched off the engine, then restarted it, pressing the gas again.
“Why isn't it moving?” Mr. Vilonte questioned.
Sara slammed her palm against the steering wheel, exclaiming, “I have no idea!”
As the warning bell sounded and the barriers lowered, he yelled at her to hit the gas—the train was nearing. With the car still stuck, Mr. Vilonte suggested they ditch it and run to safety.
However, when he pressed the ejection button, his seat belt tightened around him, holding Sara back as well. Panic surged through them. They frantically pulled at their seatbelts and pressed the ejection button with growing desperation.
Mr. Vilonte glanced out the window, his eyes widening in alarm as the freight train drew nearer, its horn blaring loudly.
XXXXX
The shot glass tumbled from her fingers, hitting the wooden floor with a clang and rolling away, leaving a trace of spilled scotch. Gripping the violin tightly with both hands, her hold grew stronger, fueled by a rage that heated her blood.
She opened her mouth, unleashing a guttural scream that echoed through the room. Clutching the violin by its delicate neck, she hoisted it high and forcefully slammed it onto the table with all her might. The instrument shattered upon impact, with strings snapping and splinters scattering in all directions.
Tears welled in her eyes. She raised the broken instrument and flung it against the wall. Moving to the scattered pieces, she lifted her foot and stomped down on the pieces, envisioning each stomp as a blow to her husband's face.
“Fucking bastard! You and your trash whore!”
When she was lost in the field of mirrors, each mirror presented a window into a potential future. She had watched their entangled figures in bed, and overcome by the sight, she took a rock and shattered the glass. But the pieces reassembled on their own, replaying the scene before her again.
In one mirror, a different scene played before. George appeared smart in his suit, yet his hands were bound behind him as he was led into court. The judge pronounced him guilty, struggling to keep his composure as he read aloud the details of the horrific crime. His voice was thick with revulsion.
Then in another, she witnessed her granddaughter growing up without a father, while her mother was lost in profound depression. Friends and neighbors turned their backs on the family, and as school bullying and financial problems escalated, they were forced to move from house to apartment, ultimately finding themselves living out of their car.
Victoria's cackling laughter surrounded her. “See what will become of your family.” Mrs. Vilonte covered her ears, pleading. “Stop it! Stop laughing! I don't want to hear it!”
“Oh, but look, not all of your future is bleak. Sometimes, there's a glimmer of sunshine after the rain.”
“Lies!”
“Look in that mirror. Open your eyes. See for yourself.”
She turned to see a mirror revealing Gabrielle in bed, restless and tossing. Her eyes clenched shut, sweat glistening on her brow as she cried out for her mother. Beside her was a small red creature, with thin arms and legs, bearing the face and tusks of a swine.
The sight was deeply unsettling. The mere sight of the creature filled her with an overwhelming sense of disgust, as she gazed upon an abomination that defied nature itself.
XXXXX
The crash happened in an instant. As the train barreled forward, the car was crushed beneath its force metal twisting and bending, windows exploding into shards. The deafening noise of metal grinding and glass shattering overwhelmed him.
A powerful force hurled him into the air. Then, as fast as it had all happened, his vision darkened to black. When he finally came to, he was upside down, held in place by the seat belt. He glanced towards Sara, but she appeared as a red blur; his vision still clearing.
Tentatively reaching out, he felt her warm, soft skin, which was damp. Bringing his hand closer, he saw his fingers were covered in blood mingled with fragments of flesh.
The air thickened around him as the devastating realization washed over him like a tidal wave, leaving him numb. His fingers clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms as he struggled to hold back his grief.
In that moment, Mr. Vilonte felt his soul enveloped by a darkness so deep that it seemed impossible to find his way back to the surface. But, suddenly, the stink of gasoline blended with burning metal and rubber reached him, pulling him back to reality.
He knew he had to escape the car immediately. His fingers fumbled for the ejection button, but hesitated when the ground started to shake and he spotted the hooves of what appeared to be a large goat approaching.
XXXXX
Her breath came in ragged, uneven gasps, each one a struggle as she grappled with the overwhelming emotions that threatened to eat her up. She steadied herself against the wall before bending down to gather the broken violin pieces. She tossed them one by one into the fireplace, dousing them with lighter fluid and setting them ablaze.
As the fire consumed the wood, it crackled and hissed, releasing tiny embers that spiraled upwards like fiery spirits seeking escape. The varnish on the violin began to bubble and blister, turning from a glossy sheen to a charred, matte texture.
Victoria's bones began to smolder, its fibers unraveling and curling as they were consumed by the heat. The scent that filled the room was a mix of burning bones and melting varnish, a pungent aroma that stung the nostrils and lingered in the air.
She sank into the sofa chair, taking a swig directly from the scotch bottle. A blend of relief and closure washed over her as she watched the flames reduce the violin to ashes.

Heeeeey ! I’m back with a review and managed to tackle it entirely before the HSR update (yes I play the game). Also sorry for the weird/lack of formatting, we don't have internet anymore for a (long ?) while and my data are too poor for my laptop to use properly, but I did my best on phone. Without further ado, let’s start !
Card review : Luke - Spice and Synergy
As always, the notation is subjective, especially the art one.
Art : 4.5/5
Story plot : 9/10
Story writing : 5/5
Total : 18.5/20
Review summary :
After finishing a co-op game together, Luke and Rosa decide to register in a cooking vlog competition related to the game in order to win limited edition merch. In a warm, cozy and harmonious atmosphere, they tackle this challenge which will bring unforgettable memories.
Review act per act :
Act 1
Luke is tossing ingredients in a frying pan from far away and as the oil is splattering, Rosa hurriedly gives him the lid as a protection. Luke comments that cooking felt more like a physical skill test than any combat. Rosa confirms, remembering how she mentioned trying to challenge themselves to cook. A few hours ago. As the credit of the game finished rolling, Luke and Rosa finally got the perfect ending in a game called Monster Kitchen. Rosa complains on how hard the last stage was, Luke agreeing and saying the game should have been called Torture Kitchen instead. Rosa recalls how they had to avoid traps, collect ingredients in a maze to be able to cook a dish called Surf and Turf to convince the devil in the castle. She says that the guides were correct when they said getting the perfect end was a matter of luck before collapsing into bed like Luke, who immediately hugs her. He says that it's not totally luck since it's because of their marvelous cooperation. He takes his phone and asks her what she wants to eat as a celebration. Rosa tells him she is going to check reviews and recommendations. As she is taking her phone, she is distracted by a Big Data Lab notification, sharing with her an article Sherluke_Polmes, an account Luke created to play Monster Kitchen, was just reading. She clicks on the article and sees it's a Monster Kitchen Culinary Competition, which consists of bringing the food from the game to reality by recording and uploading vlogs. The prize includes limited-edition merch, absolutely unique in the world. Rosa looks at Luke and she sees that he is reading the same page but he looks conflicted. She guesses he really wants the merch but considering both of their skills with cooking it might be difficult. But still, Rosa thinks that since they only have to recreate the dishes on a visual level, they still have a chance. Feeling confident, she asks Luke if he wants to join. He asks the question back and Rosa guesses that he is worried about her pushing herself to do something she doesn't want, since Monster Kitchen is a coop-game, so must the competition be, meaning they would have to enter together. She tells him that she wants to and seeing how confident she looks, he agreed too. But they underestimated their task severely. Back in the present moment, they keep on coughing as Luke turns the fume extractor on. Inside the pan is burnt rice and sauce, stuck to the bottom. Luke complains, saying he was following exactly what the cooking guide which came with the guide said. As he is doing so, smoke starts to rise again from the pan, so Rosa pulls him away, asking if he is fine. Luke says he is but on another side looks disappointed. Rosa wonders if the substitute they used wasn't good enough. Since the ingredients in the game have particular lore and background, they obviously can't find them in real life, so they used substitutes with similar looking stuff, but it failed. Rosa complains how hard it is and Luke mentions they have to buy new ingredients. Luke rubs his eyes and then explains to a worried Rosa that smoke must have got into it and he is going to wash them. Rosa checks his eye and it is red and teary. She takes a wet wipe and softly cleans the corner of his eye. Luke then blinks several times and explains that he might still have onion's juice on his hands so it might explain... He is suddenly interrupted by a loud noise. On the other side of the kitchen, white smoke is coming out from the pot they forgot where they were making soup. Luke instinctively takes Rosa in his arms to protect her from the erupting water. Panicked, she asks him if he was okay, fearing that some boiling water burned him.
Sher(lock)luke_P(earce)(H)olmes, what a genius username I love this so much hahaha ! I wonder how it is in other languages… Also Luke Rosa living the most awesome cozy dream of being a gamer couple, I live for it, like, isn't it literally the dream to just spend time with your partner (or one of your friends) playing co-op-games together and frequently ? Wow, I would love to have this omg
Act 2
Rosa asks Luke if he is okay, which he confirms but knowing him. Keeping her in his arms, he turns off the stove. Rosa asks him to see his back and before he can stop her, she tugs on his shirt and pulls his collar. She sees how red the back of his neck is red. Rosa asks him if he needs to go to the hospital but he refuses saying it's not worth. Luke reassures her again as she was expressing her worry, adding that he needs to change now since he is dirty. Rosa tells him she is going to fetch the first aid kit in case and he agrees. He wants to touch her cheek as an habit but since he is covered in oil and stains, he stops and simply says that he will be back. Rosa is searching for the first aid kit and when she takes it out, a medal falls at the same time. It seems pretty worn out and has the words "Gold Medal in Microbiology Fun Lab Competition" written in front and "National Central University" in the back. Luke comes out of the shower at this moment so Rosa tells him she found the medal while searching for the first aid kit. He asks her if she is curious about it and she tells him that she is but that he is the most important right now. Rosa wraps her arms around his waist and look at his back but Luke tells her there's no need to check as he already did and he is just a bit red. He takes her hands to stop her and she insists. Giving up, he turns his back to her so that she can check. Indeed, there are only small red parts on his back which isn't serious. He tells her that it doesn't need the hospital and she agrees. Luke comments on how he must work on gaining her confidence next time before commenting that it was a good trade. She doesn't understand so he gets closer to her and says that they have to get the ultimate victory before getting a champion medal in Monster Kitchen but he got a champion medal now without even winning anything. She laughs, then tell him to settle down so that she can check for sure if he is fine. He tenses up as she continues to examine him. At some point she asks him to turn, which he reluctantly does and she discovers a crimson swathe which he was hiding. Luke struggles to explain himself and Rosa grabs him before he manages to escape. Commenting on how he needs to improve his reliability, she tells him to let her treat him. She tells him to lay on his stomach on the bed while she applies ointment and he obeys without saying anything. Looking more closely, even the splotches on his back seem very red. As Rosa starts applying it, she asks if it hurts and Luke says that it doesn't and she can even press harder if needed. He burries his head into his arms while she continues asking how he feels. Luke asks to stop since he hasn't cleaned up the kitchen yet but Rosa, starting to feel hot and ticklish, insists on treating him first. Luke relents and rests on his elbow. Rosa guesses he also feels awkward in the situation so she changes the topic to the medal she found earlier by asking him how he got it. He explains that it was worth an experiment where they used microbes as ink to draw shapes on a petri dish. Rosa asks him about it by repeating what he said but she is distracted by her feelings as she is treating him. Luke explains to her how it works and she comments that it sounds hard. He denies and as he continues to explain, he lets out a grunt, which worries Rosa, who asks him if she hurts him. He denies, telling that he is just not used to being touched there and she can continue. Luke turns to her and smiles to reassure her and as she is about to resume, a phone call interrupts the moment. Luke picks up his phone and freezes as he was about to stand up as his habit. Rosa tells him she is going to continue putting ointment while he is talking to the phone. On the other side of the line is an event organizer for the Monster Kitchen vlog contest, who is calling to check the participants' information. To not disturb him, Rosa tries to be more careful and delicate but it backfires, making Luke grunt once again. He however manages to continue his phone call. Once it's over, suddenly, he jumps out of bed and their positions are quickly reversed. He complains to her that she probably did it on purpose. Rosa denies, but he says doesn't trust her. He nuzzles her nose with his, starts caressing her face, and says how he almost made weird noises on the phone so she must pay for mental damage she caused to his psyche. Rosa asks him how she's going to pay that, and he tells her to figure it out. She hugs him and nuzzles her nose like he did earlier. She asks him if it's enough and Luke says no, so she adds that she is going to help him clean the house and think of a way to solve their kitchen problem too. Luke sighs loudly before kissing her. He then says that now it's a worthy compensation. She hugs him, touched by his gesture.
They are so funny and cute and Rosa knows how little care Luke has for himself so the fact she knew he got burnt more than he let on was satisfying kinda.
Act 3
They tidy up everything, then take off the curtains, bedding, Luke's clothes and wash them. Once done, they each carry a basket of laundry downstairs. In the courtyard, a lot of other residents’ beddings are already hung outside. Luke picks an empty corner to set the clothesline then, as he waves at Rosa, he calls her "dear" and asks her to hand her the "item". She realizes he just said a line from Monster Kitchen so she answers back with a line from the game while handing him bedsheets. He recites another line as an answer and she feels a bit flustered. Rosa tells him to stop and work or they won't be able to dry this today but Luke jokingly answers that he calculated that they should still be able to dry even if they layer them. Rosa asks him if he can calculate things like that and asks if he has a laundry guide. He starts hanging the sheets she hands him and confirms what she just said, adding that the guides are his exclusive tricks so he will only tell about them with certain conditions. He says she should get full score achievement in the "Monster Kitchen Castle Combat" like they did in the game and he will think about how to do that in real life. What he mentioned is a challenge triggered each time the player doesn't complete the cleaning task as the requirements, where the protagonists need to build a maze castle with bedsheets before beginning a chase. When one side wins more than 100 times, they get the extra achievement. Rosa says they don't have a castle IRL, then covers Luke with a bedsheet, saying that the combat part is still doable. Luke, surprised, lifts the sheets and says no ambushes allowed. Rosa gets back saying that it's fair in love and war and he always ambushes her in game. He counters saying he lets her know every time in advance. He lifts the bedsheet even more, telling that it won't be easy the next round. Rosa asks who said there was a next round and why don't they wrap it with only one round since it happens like that in Monster Kitchen Castle Combat. She announces she is going to make her victory speech and Luke argues that he just let her win but he agrees to listen to her. She starts by calling him Monster warrior and asking for his laundry secret. While laughing, he agrees to tell her : his secret is the thermodynamic equation. By applying them to the sunlight intensity, the temperature and humidity, you can get results. Rosa asked how he even thought about doing that and he tells her it's because of the medal she found earlier. Luke explains that since microbes needs specific conditions to grow, he did plenty of preparation before the competition. He suddenly think about how they should approach their recreation the Surf and Turf dish using the same way. Rosa asks if he suggests using science to do it and he confirms, saying they should disassemble the task into a scientific experiment. Seemingly excited, Luke explains that he was thinking about it since she found the medal and now that they talked about thermodynamics he got a clearer idea. She reaches out to him, saying she is "ready to complete the greatest challenge of her life with him" and asks about him, with a line from the game, said right before the final battle. He answers with a line from the game too and after putting the bedsheet over their head as a veil, he gently kisses her, saying he "needs to borrow some courage from her before the challenge". She softly answers that she will need to borrow some too.
Okaaaaay so I never understood his living place like this ?? Wdym other residents ?? I thought he owned a 3 floor kind of residence/house with his antique shop, detective agency and private apartment on each of those floors so he had no close enough neighbors to share stuff with them… Or is that like a housing residence with a common courtyard in the back but everyone has his own house ? On another side they are so cuteeeeeee Luke's smile is a 10/10 there, he looks so soft and pure awnnn
Act 4
At 4PM, they pick up the dried curtains and sheets before going to buy some other ingredients. The rules indicate that they have two days after registering to submit their video so the deadline is the next day, in the evening. They don't have the time to replace the broken pressure cooker where the soup was nor the also broken electrical stove on which it was cooking, so they head to Rosa's house instead to cook. After dinner, they check the ingredients they bought and Luke estimates that with the amount they got they have at least five attempts to make the dish. Luke writes in his notebook their ingredients and the issues they have encountered previously as well as solutions to those. Rosa comments on how she really feels like it's an experiment and Luke tells her he has to be meticulous with it especially since it'll help later. He writes the lines describing the dish from the game and pauses, asking out loud what they are going to do for the sauce recipe. Rosa comments that doing the same as in game will be hard so maybe they should stick to their previous method of using substitutes. Luke says that's a good idea but it would require a number of experiments. She tells him they can take the time to do so. She takes his hand, exactly like the protagonists from Monster Kitchen do every time, and quotes a line, telling him their fight is about to begin. He answers with a line from the game too, looking at her tenderly. After a while, they have a table full of saucer with different sauces, their failed experiments. Rosa asks Luke which version they are working on and he answers the version 34, which is too sour. Luke, along with the observations they previously made, lists the ingredients and quantities they have to use. He scratches off a line he wrote, then starts to mix some condiments precisely. Rosa tries it and comments that version 35 is not sour anymore and feels refreshing and sweet instead. Luke comments that the color isn't red as in game though and their sauce is brown. Luke and Rosa wonder about ingredients red enough to stay the same color after being boiled and which doesn't affect the taste. Rosa suddenly has an idea and takes out some small vegetables from her fridge, which Luke recognizes as being carrots they bought just to get a discount. Rosa corrects him saying it's beetroots and that they can be used as natural dye. Luke, excited, tells her they should use it. So a while after, with 2 more pages of the notebook written on and their table filled with reddish sauces, they finally managed to replicate a sauce of the same color and texture as in the game. Luke falls on the sofa, commenting on how hard it is. While the color looks good now, the taste is still a problem. In the game description, the sauce first has a sour and spicy taste, then becomes sweet and refreshing but theirs lack this sweetness. Rosa complains that they have tried so many times that her tongue feels numb and suggests combining all their datas now and see where they can improve. Luke tells her he will do it so she can rest first. Then, taking his notebook, he tells her that despite the experiment being a hassle it's way better than doing research on his own in the lab. Rosa realizes that Luke seems really marked by his microbe drawing competition. He says that he almost forgot it but the medal made him remember. He suddenly says it was lonely. She went closer to him to listen more. Luke explains that since it was an individual competition, he had to do everything alone and he didn't even sleep properly to be able to watch the results from his cultivation. Luke says that at the time, he was thinking how it would be nice if Rosa was next to him because he wouldn't have made that many mistakes with her there. He says that he feels his dream came true and Rosa asks him why he makes it sound like she is someone special. Luke says she is since she is his goddess of victory. She burries her face in his chest, feeling overwhelmed with feelings. Luke tells her to rest since he is almost finished to what she argues that she is not tired he is just comfortable to lean on. Luke insists on her sleeping and brushes her brow and she slowly falls asleep.
I’m seriously wondering how bad they can be at cooking when they managed to break the appliances by forgetting it on the stove, which also has broken, and the way they prepare themselves to try to do the whole recipe 5 times… But wow I admire their dedication to make such a detailed experiment to recreate that dish… Honestly, I love to see someone so serious and dedicated to their hobbies haha
Act 5
Rosa wakes up in a bright room, not remembering how she fell asleep. She looks at the sofa and sees Luke sound asleep, collar and corner of his mouth stained with red coloring and she wonders if he continued to experiment with the sauce when she fell asleep. A bit amused, she decides to wipe him. Rosa is a bit surprised to see that he didn't wake up as she started to clean him but still continues and brushes at some point against his lips, which makes his eyelids flutter. Her odd feeling is confirmed then and she guesses that he is pretending to be asleep, which makes her have an idea. Rosa loudly complains on how hard it is to wipe the collar as she rubs the wipe forcefully against him. Luke stops pretending and while pouting catches her hand and sits up. She laughs telling him he was awake after all but he corrects her and says he woke up when she leaned on him. Rosa compliments him and tell him to control his eyelids next time. Luke says she has to provide a better reward for him to do that. He hugs her and make her lie down with him. A bit embarrassed, she reminds him they have to work on something serious now. Smiling, Luke snuggle against her, telling her they need to wash up first. After doing so and eating breakfast, Luke shows Rosa the result of the experiment he got by improving their findings : the version 42. He asks her to taste it and she confirms that it's exactly how she imagined what it tasted like : a hint of unami flavor and a sour-spicy mixture. Luke informs her he noted the amount of ingredients down to every grams and how to make it. He filled already half of his notebook and put stickers on each pages to sort the infos. Rosa asks him if he turned his notebook into an encyclopedia and he confirms, saying he just wanted to be as meticulous as possible. She mentions that they should film it when doing their video. Luke eyes light up before realizing that despite all the preparations, his cooking skills can't guarantee success. Rosa suggests breaking down the task again and if she makes a mistake, he can cover for her. He agrees and she tells him they should make one last check. Luke adjusts the lights and filming equipment while Rosa takes out the ingredients from the fridge. They start the recording and get to work. Luke gives out instructions to her while reading the notebook and Rosa follows, but despite this, since she isn't used to tossing the pan, a lot of rice falls outside the pot. Luke reassures her despite being nervous too. He continues to instruct her but she realizes at some point they didn't dice some of their ingredients. Luke tells her he did and shows her different containers lined up next to her. Rosa asks him when he did that to which he answers during the preparations. She tells him how she is glad he is here because she wouldn't have time to do the prep and Luke tells her that him doing the preparation and her taking the lead is teamwork and he won't let it fail. She says how she wants to win too, finally understanding why she was so eager to join the competition. In the end, they manage to finish their paella without a hitch. Rosa asks how they are going to edit their vlog now and Luke says they first need a title. She asks if he has an idea but his first two ones are rejected. After a moment of thinking, he decides on "The Warriors' Honor Challenge" and she agrees, saying it sounds like it comes from the game. Luke takes the camera still recording and moves it from the food to Rosa, saying that the warriors who worked diligently should now harvest the fruits of their victory.
They are cute and fluffy aaaa but really once again their dedication should earn them a prize even if they don’t win 1st
Act 6
On another weekend, a few weeks later, at Luke's home. Rosa is on the sofa, scrolling on the comments from the cooking challenge event. Their entry was selected as outstanding entry and despite not ranking high overall, the official account gave them the award of most outstanding innovation. Rosa laughs so Luke puts his controller away and asks her what she saw. She shows him the comments that made her laugh but he doesn't respond so Rosa doesn't know if he is stunned with joy or shocked to be called professional chefs by the netizens. Pretending to hold a mic, she asks him if Mr "Professional Chef" has something to say. Luke answers that the filming of this vlog was a pain so it's great it didn't disappoint them. Rosa asks him how he feels about receiving an award and he says he feels like he isn't confident enough but receiving the title makes him a bit excited. Looking and sounding joyful, he says that seeing her being so happy and smiley makes him glad. Rosa says that it's normal to be happy since their hard work paid off and they fulfilled a small wish. Before he can ask about it, a delivery man rings and screams for Luke, so he rushes to the door, exclaiming that it must be the prize they won. Rosa feels glad to have involved him in the competition seeing his reaction. Once unwrapped from the cardboard the gift package stills takes up the whole table. She pushes the box towards him, asking him to open it for them but Luke tells her to do so since she wanted it. Rosa pauses and tells him she wanted to participate to help him get the limited edition merch which makes him puzzled. Luke says that the Big Data Lab told him that she spent a lot of time looking at the event page so he thought she was interested. Rosa also tells him how the Big Data Lab told her he was the one looking at this, but thinking back, she was the one initiating the conversation about it and his expression made her think he wanted to join. Luke realizes that it was a misunderstanding and Rosa comments that she doesn't know if she should thank the algorithm for being smart or, Luke finishes her sentence, be happy they are so in sync they always end up on the same page. They decide to unwrap it together... Only to reveal another box. Looking closely at it, she realizes that there is a maze on it with two small balls inside. Luke explains that it's a labyrinth lock and pulls out a card from the cardboard wrapping which asks them if they are ready to face the special challenge even in reality. Luke summarizes that the instructions explain that if the two balls fall in the designated spot at the same time, the box will open. They comment on how it's like the challenge they faced with their vlog. They laugh at each other and get ready to tackle the labyrinth, Luke placing himself behind Rosa and putting his hands on hers. Carefully, they sync up and tackle the puzzle together. As Rosa was celebrating their victory a bit early, one of the balls almost ended up in a dead end. Luke reassures her, telling her to be calm. They carry on, focused and steady, in harmony. Then the balls reach their destination at the same time, the box opens and reveals a paper lantern in the shape of their playable characters in game hand in hand, which recreate the scenery of the players returning home after finishing the final boss. Rosa comments on how detailed it is but Luke says it's not good enough, which surprises her. She looks at him and sees that he is way closer to her now. He tells her to remember the perfect ending before planting a kiss on her neck and saying "We rely on each other and help one another. That's how we can reach our destination", which are the final lines in the game. Luke tells her how that is now a more faithful recreation of the scene. Both their tender feelings in harmony, he carefully reminds her how they are always in sync.
Oh wow, what a nice wrap up, I love how they in fact took the challenge to make the other happy and because they thought the other wanted to when in fact they both didn’t even consider their own feelings into the matter, that’s kinda endearing. A huge thanks to the lowkey too sentient Big Data Lab without which we couldn’t have gotten this card !
Personal opinion :
What I liked :
Okay, idk if it's because I literally JUST finished a game and felt lonely not being able to share the whole experience of playing it with someone, but the first act being just them having finished a game together was so sweet and filled some kind of void I felt IMMEDIATELY, and the rest of the card covered the rest with ointment and patched a little heart shaped band aid on all haha. I think that’s what made me like the game so much, the themes and their cute exchanges as they were saying the game’s lines and remembering when they played it, it just felt so nice, so my liking of this card is really biased.
Also, I loved the reminder that Luke is so smart and well versed in scientific topics, it was nice seeing him casually mention and remember his experiment and some notions he knows of.
What I disliked :
Not a strong dislike, but I would have loved to see a small part of their playthrough to immerse even more in the story but oh well
Would I recommend getting this story ?
If you like a fluffy, cozy card with hints of gaming elements inside, sure ! This card was very warm and enjoyable to read, especially the casual, comfortable atmosphere between Luke and Rosa. As a “Sweet Chapter SSR”, it’s not groundbreaking in terms of lore, but it feels very nice still !!

i have mecfs. my condition has rapidly detoriorated after taking too many b vitamins
my hypovolemia has gotten extreme. i wake up severely dehydrated, drowsy. like im going to pass out or die. i have to take 1 to 3 grams of salt every hour. i can only sleep like 2 hours before i wake up in a cold sweat, and tachycardia
my heart rate goes to 125 and 160/100 blood pressure sitting down.
does my blood pressure have to be very low to go into hypovolemic shock? is that why hospitals discharge me? because my blood pressure is still high.
this happened in the span of a month with is why i have gotten no treatment for it. i only had to eat a bit of salt daily like 5g and now I'm at 30.
i know it's a lot but i also take other electrolytes and i used to have to take 15g off salt daily when i had less severe mecfs
can someone recommend medication?

Hi yall, I’m (27) new(ish) here, have been dealing with symptoms for about 6 weeks, but have dealt with chronic illnesses my whole life. I have the whole ass trifecta MCAS, had (unsure if it’s gone) SIBO, delayed motility, PCOS, and am hypermobile (maybe EDS) and POTS.
I never had to actively think about my bladder until the last month, when everything went haywire, and now I’m in the worst pain I’ve ever been in and am feeling very scared, alone, and triggered.
Does anyone experience nerve pain from IC that causes burning pain down lower back, groin, thighs, and now sometimes upper back and hands??
My bladder symptoms started as a heavy weightedness, tingling pressure, and frequency in my general bladder area. Now, a month later, it’s full blown, nerve pain only on the left side that radiates down my grown. I feel as if I’m losing touch sensation to my lower abdomen. I also have frequency, urgency, but no urethra pain. It’s hard to tell if my bladder feels better when I’m hydrated and it’s full, or when I empty. It feels like my bladder is gunna mf pop out of my body, it’s so awful. Every moment is different, but the pain is getting more debilitating and disrupting my sleep.
I see an ND team for MCAS help, they’ve been wonderful. And I’m currently waiting for an intake with Urogyn next week. I’ve been tested for kidney stones and everything came back normal. I had trace blood and amorphous crystals, but no UTI. In December, I did a 24hr hormone spit test and we discovered that my estrogen is low, and testosterone borderline high. (Am not on bc or hormones.) I’ve noticed that my MCAS flares throughout my cycle, and improves during my period and the week following.
Since the onset of my bladder symptoms, I noticed that everything disappeared during my period, thinking it was a fluke, I thought all my symptoms were gone for good! Turns out, my bladdeIC pain is just flaring throughout my cycle like MCAS, and only improves during my period. Has anyone found relief for this?
Has anyone had success with focusing on the hormone modulation/regulation side of things? I’m so hesitant to try BC because I have some previous trauma surrounding it, and I’m highlyyy sensitive to anything I put in my body.
A little over a year ago, I was told I have a tight pelvic floor and it caused vestibulodynia and vulvodynia, and I went to PF PT. I didn’t do it for long since I realized that some gender things (gender queetransmasc), and penetrative sex causes me dysphoria.
A final note, I have been on a low histamine low fodmap food protocol for almost a year, which is essentially a more restricted IC diet. So I don’t think diet has affected me.
Does anyone else get nerve pain like what I’ve experienced?? It’s weird to me that it’s centralized to one side of my bladder, but then radiates down both legs, up my back, and now in my hands and neck. Could this be a Hunner’s lesion?
Is there anything I should be sure to ask or share during my urogyn appt?
What meds are recommended? I’m thinking that MCAS and PF dysfunction could be brought this forth. I was on Ketotifen, but this all transpired when I upped my dose, so I thought it was a side effect at first. I’ve been trying AZO, but it doesn’t work consistently.
Looking for others thoughts, experiences, and answers to questions :)

I think I have some mild OH or PPH, and just want to know if these things are the common symptoms.
Sometimes when I spring up from a supine position, within 15 seconds, I will get head pressure, followed by lightheadedness and sometimes blacking out vision that stops and fixes itself prior to syncope. These episodes last for 10-15 seconds. I do tend to rise fast. My heart rate does not adjust to a tachycardia state to compensate (i.e. likely not POTs). After the 10-15 seconds I'm usually fine to operate, work out, whatever.
I am also considering that it very well may be postprandial. I got sick in October with some sort of stomach virus, and since then things have been tough to figure out. It absolutely crushed my Gallbladder which was removed 6 weeks ago. I'm wondering if the combination of blood for digestion, and positional hypotension are a dual cause for the issue.
Anyone else have this type of situation going on? And if so, how did you get an accurate DX? Does an accurate DX even really matter? From what I can tell the drugs don't work well, and they just tell you to wear compression drink water and consume salt....

Recap- Fledgling fighter Serenity Steelheart has recently taken up a job to help the dwarf, Gundren Rockseeker, take a shipment of mining supplies to the frontier town of Phandalin. This simple mission was derailed when Serenity discovered that Gundren and his escort, Sildar Halwinter, had been captured in the wake of a failed goblin ambush. Now Serenity has formed a temporary alliance with one of her former assailants in order to save Sildar and stop the goblin’s leader, Klarg.
Story- The mouth of Cragmaw cave resembled the gaping maw of an undead beast, complete with a smell of decay. Stepping into this foreboding structure revealed its interior to be as unpleasant as one might expect, the floors were slick, the air pungent, and the dark all consuming. More than any of these things, what distracted Serenity the most was the persistent sound of running water, the way it crashed and pooled all throughout the cave made it difficult to hear anything else, any sounds that may exist beyond one’s immediate surrounding were completely imperceivable. As Serenity sloshed through the knee-high water her eyes were drawn to Beatrix, the water was past the goblin’s hip yet she moved through it with a practiced ease. As the Serenity’s eyes began to fail her she held up one of her blades and uttered a short incantation, causing the weapon to shine like a torch.
“What the hells are you doing!?” Beatrix hissed as she scurried back into the darkness.
“I can’t see in the dark, Beatrix.” Serenity said, her glowing sword cutting through the darkness.
“We’re outnumbered and you’re giving away your position!” Beatrix said as she caught a glimpse of red eyes looking down on them from the darkness. “Damnit! Grab onto something, quick!”
Beatrix dashed into the darkness before Serenity could respond, leaving the fighter bewildered. She pointed her weapon forward, finding her companion hunkered down in a relatively dry offshoot of the cave. As Serenity took a step towards her she was confused by the faint sounds of chains and whimpering coming from that direction. Bea had mentioned the goblins having wolves previously, could this be where they were housed? The answer to this question would have to wait as a more pressing one came into Serenity’s mind, ‘why is the water getting louder?’
A surge of water ripped through the cave and crashed into Serenity. The deluge seemed to move with malice, throwing the fighter into every wall and sharp rock in the cave before finally depositing her in the stream outside. Serenity fought to her feet and cursed under her breath before charging back into Cragmaw Hideout.
(DC 15 Strength save rolled 8 +1, Failed taking 6 damage and being pushed out of the dungeon. Serenity then used a charge of Second Wind recovering to full HP.)
Serenity stopped by the wolf's den and scanned the cave before her, spotting the goblin lookout on a shabby bridge. She noticed him looking further back into the cave and shouting something out. Not eager to take another dip, Serenity used a cantrip to set fire to the goblin’s bridge. The lookout avoided the flames only to lose his footing anyway as the catwalk fell out from under him. As the roar of running water sounded again Serenity ran to Beatrix, letting the lookout be swept away by his own trap. Celebrations were exceedingly short as Serenity’s attention was stolen by a near feral wolf lunging at her.
(DC 12 Dexterity Saving throw against Create Bonfire, rolled 16 +2, Succeeded)
(DC 10 Dexterity Saving Throw to hold onto the bridge, rolled 11 +2, Succeeded)
(DC 15 Strength Saving Throw to resist the torrent, rolled 12 -1, Failed taking 6 damage and being pushed out of the dungeon.)
The beast’s jaws snapped closed inches from Serenity’s face as it was yanked backward by a crude chain. The wolf whimpered and growled as Beatrix pushed herself between it and the fighter. Serenity backed away slowly as Beatrix shouted commands at the wolf in the goblin tongue. Just as Serenity started to catch her breath Beatrix turned and started yelling at her too, “What do you think you’re doing Serenity?! You’re charging blindly into danger, starting fights, and taking stupid risks! You’re supposed to be smarter than this!”
“I, what?” Serenity stammered.
“You beat four to one odds by using your brain, why are you being stupid now!? Do you even have a plan?!” Beatrix yelled as she held the snarling wolf in place.
“I’m just trying to survive here. I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“Well if you don’t learn fast you’re gonna die fast!” Beatrix’s wolf pushed past her and snapped at Serenity again as the goblin tried in vain to hold onto its chain. “Urgh- Here’s your first test! Don't die!”
Serenity took another step back and reached for her weapon as she surveyed the cave. The wolves here were skinny and surrounded by refuse. They’re starving and scared, not angry. Without another moment’s hesitation Serenity dropped her swords and reached into her backpack, throwing a full week worth of rations into the cave before her. The wolves didn’t wait for an invitation, within seconds they were climbing over each other desperately tearing into their meal. After a few more moments Serenity cautiously approached the wolves who eyed her with curiosity. Finally, she let the wolves smell her hands and the beasts seemed to let their guards down.
(Animal Handling check lowered to DC10 because Serenity fed the wolves, rolled 12 +2, passed.)
Beatrix let out a sigh of relief, “See, that’s the kind of thing I saw in you before. A smart fighter is more valuable than three dumb ones.”
Serenity sat and started to pet one of the wolves. “You asked if I had a plan a moment ago. That got me wondering, what’s yours? You really think I can get the drop on your boss?”
“Oh, yeah no. You’re pretty strong but Klarg could pull the horns off of a bull. He’s on another level.” Beatrix laughed.
“And you want me to fight him!?”
“Yeah, just not now.” Beatrix said, “There are other goblins here who hate Klarg even more than I do. The only one who matters though is Yeemik, if we can get him on our side then we’ve got a fighting chance.”
Serenity cocked an eyebrow. “So this Yeemik is stronger than you then?”
Beatrix snickered as she watched one of the wolves continue to chew on an empty container. “He is but that’s not why he matters. There are other goblins who’re loyal to him, if he joins the fight they will too. With your blades, my arrows, and their soft bodies to absorb Klarg’s attacks, we can do this!”
“And you really think this Yeemik will help us?”
“He wouldn’t normally, he’s a total coward, but if he thinks you have a fighting chance then he’ll want to tag along to take credit for the win.”
“And then we kite Klarg into Veemick’s forces to alleviate pressure on ourselves.”
“Exactly! Now you’re thinking like a goblin!” Beatrix let out a triumphant cackle.
“Have I ever told you you’re demented?” Serenity said, crossing her arms as she considered the plan.
“I prefer the word strategic!” Bea said with a satisfied smile.
Mistakes- Beatrix is familiar with Cragmaw Hideout, she should have scouted ahead and taken out the lookout so Serenity could get through somewhat safely. I misread the bridge’s stats, it has 5AC and 10 HP which I reversed. With that in mind a Create Bonfire couldn’t possibly do enough damage to destroy the bridge in a single casting at this level. I forgot to give Serenity 75 experience points when she found Cragmaw Hideout, this resulted in her leveling up a bit later than she should have.
Notes- I was Initially excited to use Serenity’s Familiar to make up for her lack of Darkvision, interestingly the OD&D playtest Familiar isn’t actually very good at that anymore since Remote Viewing costs an action and only lasts a single turn. Serenity actually saved against the first use of the water trap, she rolled an 18 and initiated combat with the lookout. After the bridge fell, they both failed the subsequent saving throw against the trap and were forced out together. In the narration I changed it so that each use of the water trap was impactful, this also makes Serenity look a little bit smarter. Finally, Serenity initially went into the wolf den much later. In the home game she went straight from her skirmish with the lookout to room 6 since she wanted to take the high ground in case of any more water traps.
Final Thoughts- How do you feel about rearranging events in the name of story flow? I didn’t clear out the dungeon in a totally linier way so moving things around is meant, largely, to avoid repeating myself when Serenity backtracks or does something inconsequential. That being said, I can absolutely see some people not appreciating creative liberties being taken in something that’s meant to be a retelling of a real game. Hopefully, me being transparent and pointing out where and why I changed things can be a good middle ground.