Brain diagram
Fortinet
2013.01.23 02:00 bwould Fortinet
Discussing all things Fortinet.
2015.10.03 06:59 Vailhem Connectome
The Connectome Reddit
2009.07.28 01:00 Neuroscience: News and Discussions.
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2024.05.19 00:10 Heatherlee2019 All You Need to Know About InventHelp and Its New Invention and Patent Services
 | https://preview.redd.it/y26q7knqd91d1.jpg?width=324&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd98dc668392c762a201a1502db2e97e0578e208 submitted by Heatherlee2019 to u/Heatherlee2019 [link] [comments] Wonderful inventions abound in the world that were once only the product of geniuses' epiphanies. Most of us cannot image a world without the inventions and conveniences that we have grown to depend on and take for granted. The world does, of course, always change, in part because bright brains never stop coming up with amazing ideas for inventions that can improve people's lives. It can be overwhelming to a new inventor with a fantastic idea to know where to begin or what to do. Sometimes as a result, people give up on their aspirations of invention and put the concept out of their heads. Had this occurred with any of the numerous inventions on which we now so rely, just think! Instead of giving up on an idea, new inventors can consult industry professionals like InventHelp. Naturally, you want to be sure you make the best decision when you are thinking about hiring a new inventions company to help you advance with your idea as a new inventor. This implies that you must do your homework and learn as much as possible about any service—InventHelp included—that you are thinking about using. Fortunately, you may make your decision more easily because InventHelp has been in the business for many years and there is a wealth of information available online. When you get into the field of new inventions, you will need assistance with everything from marketing to patent protection to prototype development and more. From the beginning to the conclusion of your first invention journey, a full-service provider such as InventHelp will be able to support you. We've written a guide with additional details about InventHelp and what it offers new inventors to help you make the best choice. You can also read Q&As from other new inventors trying to learn more about the company and some of the most often asked questions by those who do online research on the company. Questions from New Inventors About InventHelp Many new inventors understandably have a lot of questions when they consider working with a company like InventHelp to move forward with their invention idea. Naturally, they want to ensure that they choose the best new invention service provider for them, which means learning about some key factors that can help them make the right decision. So, let's look at some of the questions that new inventors ask about InventHelp, because they can help you learn a lot about the provider and its new invention services. How Long Has InventHelp Been Around? Most new inventors want to know how long InventHelp has been in this industry. This shows how reliable, experienced, and well-known the company is. You should find a new invention service provider that has a good reputation and a lot of experience in the field. To do this, you should find out how long they have been in business. The good news is that InventHelp has been around for a long time. It began in the mid-1980s. From then on, the business has helped many new inventors in many different niches and fields, and it has built a strong reputation along the way. It is easy to see why a lot of new inventors choose to use this service to help them with their first invention. They have been in business for more than forty years. Also, it's important to note that InventHelp has 65 offices in the US and Canada, making it a very strong presence there. The company hires teams of professionals with years of experience and knowledge in the field. The company is also divided into different departments that handle different parts of the new invention process. This includes professionals in legal matters, marketing, design, and a lot of other fields. So, if you want to hire a new invention company with a long history, you can rest easy knowing that InventHelp has been around for decades. Can InventHelp Assist with Patenting My Idea? A lot of new inventors don't know much about patenting, but they do know that it's an important part of the invention world. There are a lot of people who want to know if InventHelp can help them get patent protection because of this. They can do this without any problems. When you work with InventHelp, the team can put you in touch with lawyers who specialize in patent law. This way, you can get patent searches and applications done right away. Then, with the help of lawyers, you can get your patent protection set up. This will give you more peace of mind and protection. Getting a patent for a new invention can be hard and take a long time because there are so many steps involved. Patent searches are needed to make sure that your invention won't violate any patents that are already out there. In addition, the patent application process has to be completed. This can be difficult and stressful for people who don't know much about patent law. There could be serious problems for you in the future if you don't have patent protection in place or if searches aren't done. If you don't do the right research, your invention might violate an existing patent, which could get you in trouble with the law. Someone could steal your idea or design if you don't have a patent to protect it. They could then claim it as their own, which is called intellectual property theft. Also, someone else could have the exact same thought and patent it before you do. What Are the Benefits of Using InventHelp? When looking into this invention company, many new inventors wonder how InventHelp can assist them and what advantages they will reap from working with the firm. Obviously, you should inquire about this and conduct research to make sure the provider is a good fit for you. You should know that InventHelp offers assistance in a wide variety of ways since they are a full-service new invention provider. The many steps involved in bringing a new invention to fruition can be overwhelming and difficult for a first-time inventor. In order to help you with this, the experts at InventHelp are available to you at all times. As a new inventor, you can expect a great deal of assistance from the provider, and there are numerous advantages to working with them. Now we can examine a few of the main advantages: · You get support and guidance from the start to the end of your first invention journey from industry experts · They can assist with important tasks such as patent protection and searches, creating prototypes, and more · You can benefit from access to a database of thousands of companies that are willing to review your invention idea · There is access to a wide range of tools and resources to help you to learn as you go · The team can help with marketing your invention to help generate interest · You can get assistance with creating great pitches to impress potential investors and businesses · There is tailored support to meet your individual needs This is just a sample of the wide range of services and assistance that InventHelp can provide to new inventors. As a result, it has become a very popular choice among new inventors in all sorts of industries. Can InventHelp Assist with Prototype Creation? They think that just telling people about their new invention idea is enough, and some new inventors don't realize how important a prototype is. To attract attention and, maybe, investment, you need to be creative. If you have a prototype, you can use it here. Sharing the visual, functional, and operational aspects of your invention can be challenging without a prototype. Prototyping allows you to accomplish this in a way that is impossible without one. Selecting the most appropriate prototype from the many available choices is crucial. If you need help with this, InventHelp has a team of design experts that can help. Their assistance in developing a faultless prototype can greatly increase your chances of attracting the attention of potential investors. Will InventHelp Review My Idea? One thing that a lot of new inventors want to know about InventHelp is if the people who work there will give them feedback on their invention idea. They will not do this, which is a shame, because it would not be right for them to. In fact, it's important to remember that no new invention company should give their opinion, and if they do, that should be a red flag. You can't ask the team what they think about your invention idea, so don't expect them to give you feedback. You can, of course, do other things if you want to find out what other people think about your invention idea. These days, a lot of people do things like this on social media. If you have a lot of friends, you can share the idea to see what they think. You should be very careful, though, because you don't want your idea to get stolen by someone else before you get a patent for it. One of the safest things you can do is to ask your close friends and family what they think about your invention idea. Not all of them will tell you what you want to hear, but some will probably tell you the truth. This means that you can get an honest opinion from some of them. What Can InventHelp Do for Me? New inventors sometimes don't know what a new invention services provider does or how they can help someone who is new to the world of invention. Well, as we've already talked about, they can help you in a lot of different ways. This is especially helpful for people who don't know much about invention or have little experience with it. If you've never been involved with inventions before, you should know that the whole process can be very complicated and hard to figure out. This can make it very stressful and scary for new inventors. Some people find it so scary that they give up on their idea or invention dreams rather than continuing to try and get past the problems they face. If you have professionals there to help you, the process is much easier and less likely to be scary and stressful for you. You can have a better first journey as an inventor with the help of InventHelp. They can make sure you enjoy and learn from your first experience. This can boost your confidence and fire you up to move forward with your dream of making a new invention. Will InventHelp Assist with Marketing? Marketing is an important aspect of new inventions, but many first-time inventors are unfamiliar with it. Many newbies wonder if the InventHelp team can help, and with a team of marketing experts on hand, the answer is yes. When it comes to marketing your new invention idea, it is critical that you employ the appropriate marketing techniques and strategies, as these can make a significant difference in generating more interest and raising awareness of your invention. Having professionals on hand to assist you with this aspect of things can be extremely beneficial. In addition to assisting with marketing campaigns, the InventHelp team can help you develop a strong pitch for your new invention. When it comes to impressing businesses and potential investors, having a great pitch is essential, but most new inventors are lost. With the experts on hand to help, you'll have one less thing to worry about. Will I Succeed with InventHelp? Some new inventors think that if they go to a new invention company, they will be sure to be successful. There is no way to know for sure that you will succeed, so this is not true. That's why you should be very wary of companies that say their new invention will be a success. Not even the most experienced inventors can be sure if their latest idea will work or not. When you first start out as an inventor, your dedication and hard work will definitely lead you in the right direction. You can get through your whole journey with the help of the right people and information. But none of this means you will be successful, so you should never go into this business thinking you will do well no matter what. People Also Ask: More Questions and Answers About InventHelp When you run a search in InventHelp, you will also find a wide range of other questions that people ask, and it is well worth reading through these if you want to learn more about the provider and what it has to offer. This is a great way of getting some of your own questions answered, and viewing some other questions that you might not have thought about. Some of the top questions that people also ask are: How Much Does InventHelp Cost? New inventors want to get rich fast, but they have to live on a tight budget like everyone else until their invention becomes a hit. Most people have a set amount of money they want to spend on their new invention idea. So, they want to know if InventHelp charges for its services and, if so, how much it will cost. Not only that, but keep in mind that InventHelp is a business and needs to make money just like any other business. Because of this, services can't be given away for free, and there is a cost to become a client. Getting the service can cost different amounts, so you need to talk to them about your project first to find out how much it will cost. That being said, the business is very clear about its prices and fees, so you can find out exactly how much you'll be charged before you sign anything or commit to anything. Because of this, you won't have to worry about any hidden fees, and you'll know right away how much the service will cost. Then, among other things, the costs will help you decide if you want to sign up or not. And, of course, you should think about how much help and services you will get from InventHelp as part of the fee they charge. It can be hard for new inventors to figure out how to go about the processes involved with new inventions, as we've already said. Getting the right support and help can make a huge difference. Is InventHelp a Legitimate Company? The legitimacy of InventHelp is another question that people frequently pose online. Naturally, when a person uses a company for the first time, especially for something as crucial as supporting their new invention, they are always concerned. Many people who are unaware of InventHelp are therefore interested in learning if it is reliable. Given its existence since the middle of the 1980s, the company has a proven track record. Many inexperienced inventors have already benefited from it in the past with inventions in a variety of fields. Furthermore, the internet offers a wealth of information about the provider, including testimonials and reviews, which helps you to find out more about its standing. Just like with any other business you are using for the first time, before you join up with a new invention services company, including InventHelp, do as much research as you can. This allows you to gauge their offerings more fully and decide if it is the best option for you. InventHelp is, however, a respectable business with a solid presence in 65 cities in the US and Canada and forty years of experience in the field. How Can InventHelp Assist with Patenting? New Inventors often ask online if InventHelp can help new inventors with the patenting process. Some new inventors are also interested in this. As we already talked about, patenting is a very important part of the process. Its job is to keep you and your invention safe. The good news is that InventHelp has a team of lawyers and can put you in touch with one of their patent law experts to make sure that the searches are done and that the patent protection is filed quickly and correctly. This can help you get your patent faster and give you peace of mind that everything has been done correctly. When you go through legal processes like patent protection, you need to make sure that everything is done correctly. The lawyers at InventHelp can help you with this. Can InventHelp Offer Funding? Not many new inventors think about how to pay for their invention at first, but later on, they do. This is why a lot of people have asked if InventHelp can give money to new inventors. InventHelp does not directly offer funding, but they can still help in other ways. The team can, for example, put you in touch with possible investors who might be willing to give you money if your new invention idea really impresses them. In addition, they can help you make a great pitch that will impress investors, which will increase your chances of getting new ones on board. Does InventHelp Offer Confidentiality? Rightly so, most new inventors are fiercely guarding their new invention concept! They therefore want to make sure that the specifics of their invention are safe and secure, and many of them wonder if InventHelp provides a private service. You may relax though, because the InventHelp staff is highly concerned with information security and secrecy. Keeping this in mind, they have put in place a number of procedures to guarantee the security and safety of your data. This covers the companies on their database as well as all others who will be working on your project signing confidentiality agreements. During their online research on InventHelp and its services, many people have the following important questions. Can InventHelp Help with International Patents? InventHelp can assist inventors with international patent applications through mechanisms like the Patent Cooperation Treaty (PCT) and by coordinating with foreign associates or patent agents. Do I Need a Prototype to Work with InventHelp? While having a prototype can be helpful, it is not always necessary to work with InventHelp. They can assist inventors at various stages of development, from conceptual ideas to prototypes. What Should I Prepare Before Contacting InventHelp? Before contacting InventHelp, it can be helpful to have a clear description of your invention idea, any sketches or diagrams, and an understanding of your goals for the invention. How Long Does It Take to Get a Patent with InventHelp's Assistance? The time it takes to obtain a patent can vary based on factors such as the complexity of the invention and the patent office's processing times. InventHelp can provide estimated timelines based on your specific case. What Happens After I Contact InventHelp? After contacting InventHelp, they will typically schedule a consultation to discuss your invention and determine how they can best assist you in achieving your goals. Can I Work with InventHelp If I Already Have a Patent? Yes, InventHelp can provide various services even if you already have a patent. They can assist with marketing, licensing, and commercialization efforts. Is There a Guarantee of Success with InventHelp? There is no guarantee of success in the invention and patenting process, as it depends on various factors including the novelty of the invention and market conditions. InventHelp can provide guidance and support, but success is not guaranteed. Can InventHelp Help with Non-Disclosure Agreements (NDAs)? Yes, InventHelp can assist in the preparation of non-disclosure agreements (NDAs) to help protect your invention idea when discussing it with potential partners or investors. Do I Have to Share Ownership or Royalties with InventHelp? Any agreements about ownership or royalties will be based on the deal that the inventor and InventHelp make, and these terms should be written down in the deal. How Much do Inventors Make on Royalties? Inventors' royalty earnings vary widely, but typical royalty rates range from 2% to 10% or more of net sales, depending on several factors. Can I Just Sell my Invention Idea? Yes, you can sell your invention idea to a company or individual without having to manufacture or develop the product yourself. Should I Patent my Idea Before Selling?It's generally advisable to consider patenting your idea before selling it, as a patent can add significant value and protection to your invention when negotiating with potential buyers or licensees. How do Inventors get Paid? Inventors typically get paid through royalties, upfront payments, or a combination of both, as specified in a licensing or sale agreement with a company or individual interested in their invention. Summary of Benefits of Using InventHelp After reading new inventor and online research questions about InventHelp, let's explore its benefits. You should weigh the pros and cons of any provider you use to help with your invention, but InventHelp has many benefits. Among the most important: · Support and guidance · Assistance with practical processes · Access to tools and resources · Access to a range of crucial services · Expertise of professionals · Transparency and honesty · Ability to get your invention idea reviewed · Great confidence and motivation · Help from beginning to end as a new inventor · Confidentiality and security when it comes to your information Getting Started with InventHelp Simply get in touch with InventHelp if you believe they would be the best provider to help you launch your career as a new inventor. You will know much better, among other things, what has to be done and how much it will cost once you have discussed your project and idea with the team. Then you can start anticipating an exciting and enlightening first adventure as a new inventor. |
2024.05.18 09:01 SharkEva AITAH For breaking my Number 1 sex rule with a handicapped guy?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Throwra_JessComeOn posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 17th April 2024
Update1 - 19th April 2024
Update2 - 13th May 2024
AITAH For breaking my Number 1 sex rule with a handicapped guy?
Obviously throwaway, I don’t need anyone here seeing my regular account. Also I’m in the US and English is my first language, any discrepancies are because I suck at typing on my phone.
So TL/DR for the “give me the bare bones, I don’t have all day to read on the shitter” crew: My #1 sex rule since high school has been no sex before the third date. I recently broke that rule with a handicapped guy, and now my childhood best friend is pissed and grossed out because she thinks I have some weird kind of fetish.
Context/full story: I’m a 28f. My childhood best friend we’ll call Jess is also 28f. To put it simply, I don’t think I’m any kind of prude, I just don’t really feel comfortable with casual sex, never have. My best friend knows this and has teased me about it lightly in the past. She’s been in a long term relationship for the last 3 years, I’ve mostly been single while working on my degree and starting my career. Jess lives in another state with her boyfriend, so we don’t hang out much anymore.
So about a month ago I had a first date with a guy I’d been talking to for a bit, thought it was going places, but he gave a WEIRD vibe on the date and I cut and ran early. On my way home I stopped at a local pub, figured I’d have a drink to unwind and people watch till it wore off. (Tipsy driving is still drunk driving IMO.) I get there and it’s pretty packed, Friday night and all, and there was no seating room at the bar. Took my drink and looked around, most of the “restaurant” side of the pub was someone’s birthday party, but there was a small table with a seat open off to the side, with a guy reading a book there. So I say eff it, I’m a social person and what’s the worst thing that happens, he says no? So I ask if I can sit there for a bit, I promise we don’t have to talk or anything.
At this point I feel like I’ve fucked up because this guy up close is the hottest man I have ever seen. But he just smiled at me and gave an enthusiastic “Sure!” A few minutes later of me sipping in silence and he says “I don’t mind talking, if you want to.” (Yeah I want to are you kidding me right now?) We talk for a bit and it turns out Mike (fake name) is 29, just finished his master’s degree in some kind of computer learning field (“I program computers to program computers”) and he’s living on his own for the first time. He apparently stops by the pub after work because he’s right around the corner, and he’s not used to the silence yet after living so long with a half dozen siblings.
We talked for a good two hours, about everything from dating (which he said he’s basically given up on) to hobbies and tastes, and we have a near total eclipse of a venn diagram on this stuff. I eventually sort of blurted out that I don’t know why he’d give up on dating, this is the closest thing I’ve had to a good date in forever. (Shooting my shot obliquely here lol.) He gets kind of an odd look on his face and says “Tell you what, I have to go to the bathroom, but when I come back I’ll ask you out for real.” Weird, but okay?
Then it all clicks, because he doesn’t get up to walk away, he just rolls. In his wheelchair. And I’m thinking “oh my God he wanted to give me a chance to back out of this without making it awkward how cute can this guy BE.” He grinned like crazy when he got back and saw I was still there, and I basically tripped over myself saying something to the effect of “So I’m free all weekend, what did you have in mind?”
Another hour later, we’ve got plans for Saturday, and he told me he has a neuromuscular disorder I can’t remember the name of (my degree isn’t in STEM lol) so his legs work, but the signals from his brain get misinterpreted so he doesn’t have the balance or coordination for walking or standing. The pub starts switching over to the youngerowdier crowd and he asks if I’d like to go back to his place for coffee to continue our conversation.
As you have probably long since realized, I did not get any coffee or conversation till the next morning and I have ZERO regrets. We’ve been dating since and I know it’s still early but I really feel like this might be the one.
Onward to yesterday afternoon, my friend Jess (remember Jess?) is in town, and we go out for coffee to catch up on things. I’m gushing about Mike, but when I get to how we met she just sort of got weird and edgy. I don’t remember any exact words but she essentially said that I must have a fetish for the handicapped since I broke my #1 rule and it’s the best physical relationship I’ve ever been in. Like it’s good for me because he uses a wheelchair, not because the guy puts in effort in bed??? She said I’ve “changed” as a person and left without even saying goodbye. 15 years of friendship and I’ve never seen her like that.
So here I am, asking the most objective people online (haha) if I’m an asshole or weird for being super attracted to a guy who uses a wheelchair and basically putting out immediately.
Comments
RefrigeratorHot3859
Firstly, you are allowed to change the rules that you made for yourself. Secondly, I do not get from anything you wrote that you have a “fetish” for the handicapped. Her comments are weird.
Sounds like you need to keep Mike and drop Jess. Good friends will be happy for you, and from what I can gather, that ain’t her.
dubh_righ
She's got a weird fetish - for super hot guys who are kind, and well spoken, and fuck like a hero. What a weirdo. (sarcasm, in case it's not obvious)
brelywi
Hey that’s my fetish too! Here I was thinking I was the only one.
ShottsSeastone
oh fuck that friend. i read this whole thing.
Update - 2 days later
My first ever update! Yay! Uh, so if you were hoping for some terrible drama, I hate to break it to you that I don’t roll like that. No pun intended. So I do have an update on Jess and shit finally makes perfect sense. And I have a slightly NSFW but funny story about Mike, because this guy is just the best, y’all.
Okay, so first, I finally messaged Jess yesterday and said basically “I’m still hurt by what you said, but after 15 years of friendship I’d never forgive musif I didn’t at least ask why you snapped at me like that.” She replied immediately, “I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t mean any of that, can we have a do over on lunch?” So I agreed cautiously and took a half day to meet with her today.
Turns out that those of you who said she was jealous, and that she might have something else going on, and especially the person who said something might be going on in HER relationship….. gold stars. She’s in town because she’s job hunting, because she’s moving back in with her parents for a while since her relationship ended. Apparently they have been having a ton of small problems adding up, but the biggest one? Sex. The guy she’s been with was apparently never great but it’s gotten to the point where he makes no effort at all for her to enjoy herself and then gets pissed when she isn’t in the mood.
She tried talking with him about it, making suggestions but he told her recently that it’s “emasculating” being given sex advice by a woman. The straw that broke the metaphorical camel’s back, however, was that her boyfriend has always had a thing for Asian women. She’s caucasian, but she does have long black hair. After weeks of fighting over their sex life, he suggested that they spice things up….by her dressing in a kimono and pretending to be Asian. She lost it on him and is absolutely disgusted by the racist fetishism and ended it right then.
So she had allllll of this bottled up and was hoping to talk to me and finally be able to put it down….. and I missed every hint that she had something big to discuss because I was gushing about Mike. So to her it felt like I was just twisting the knife by bragging about how great our sex was. She snapped, and somewhere between what I was saying and what she wanted to talk about some wires got crossed and she said something incredibly dumb.
She left without saying goodbye because she was mortified and ashamed as well as irrationally mad at me. Something to know about Jess, she’s an awful liar and she and I were the co-founders of our high school’s “foot-in-mouth” society, so I do believe her. I told her I forgive her and I’m sorry I didn’t realize she wanted to talk about something bothering her, and she said I was too stupidly nice and have nothing to apologize for, so I think we’ll be okay. For the time being I’m not ready for her and Mike to meet, because I don’t want to make things feel worse, and she agrees. But she’s really really happy for me. Hopefully this is just a funny story we can look back on someday.
So, on to how Mike almost killed me, lol. Last night we were talking about the reddit post and he gets this funny expression that I’m starting to recognize. And he goes “How do we know you don’t have a fetish if we haven’t at least tried it in the chair?” And I’m like “are you serious lol”. He said he’s never attempted it, because (cue tears) he’s never felt so comfortable with a partner before. Well.
His chair has what is essentially like a parking break thing. Or it should, it’s unfortunately broken and apparently getting them fixed is an expensive pain in the ass. He doesn’t use it that often so he hasn’t made it a priority. And there’s this thing called Newton’s third law, you know how every action has an equal and opposite reaction? As it happens, when you’re trying to, ah, get the motion of the ocean going, in a chair with wheels that aren’t locked, there’s a sort of counter motion that starts and fucks it all up. So we were going nowhere fast except for inching along the floor in his bedroom. And laughing at the silliness, which isn’t helping. Eventually he just stops and says “Maybe we can get some of those wooden block things they use to keep little planes from rolling away, like in Indiana Jones you know?”
I absolutely lost it. Like laughing so hard I’m in tears, he’s giggling half at the situation and half at my reaction, and everything just keeps setting me off again. FINALLY I get it under control, doing some deep breathing exercises and shit, and I look at him again. And he pulls the straightest face he can, and says, for the love of god, “Golly. This sure is uncomfortable.” Folks if I had asthma I would have fucking died right there. I laughed so hard I think I pulled a rib. Like wheezing and not even laughing anymore so much as weeping and making this awful “heeeeee” noise when I could catch my breath. While he’s laughing and rubbing my back and saying he’s sorry, he couldn’t resist.
So yeah, confirmed, no fetish here, and this magnificent bastard’s comedic timing might actually kill me.
I doubt I’ll update again, because there’s really nothing I can see needing to share given everything sort of worked out. And in the end, the real assholes were the….friends we made along the way? Idk. Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post and for coming along with me on this absurd but brief drama in my life, lol.
Comments
Rustymarble
Obviously, Jess needs to have a twin with a mother-in-law invade her home with ummm....dog poo...and somehow there's a tree dropping leaves and and a 7 year old brat threw an ummm...apple? And then the cops came and everyone clapps!
Forward-Two3846
I think Mike updates are essential to AITAH 😆. I am so excited for you and I hope you have the time of your life.
Update - 1 month later
Hello again! I was going to post this on my own page but a few people mentioned that they think it’s nice to read on AITAH, so fuck it, here’s the “met Mikes family” update. And it's a doozy, or at least felt like it at the time for a girl who grew up with a small, dysfunctional family.
So first up, you know what people (at least me) don’t think about when dating a guy who’s always sitting? Height. I know he’s taller than me because we cuddle a lot, and he’s taller sitting on the couch, but I didn’t reeeeeeally get it. So we drive up Friday night after work (actually south and west, lol, but to my brain it’s always up) in his vehicle, which is modified to be driven entirely using his hands. Neat, right? He’s a really good driver too. One more green flag. We get to the house, and it’s…. It’s huge you guys, LOL like not a mansion, just kind of a sprawling one floor rancher. Real estate was wild back in the day.
Anyway we get out, and I meet his mom. I’d like to point out I am no slouch, I’m 5’-friggin-7. His mom is TOWERING over me. But she was the nicest lady ever. We go inside and I meet his dad (who funny enough is apparently the only short one in this family) and his youngest sister, who is living there with his one year old niece. She gets up to hug me and SHE IS ALSO REALLY TALL. It’s already a bit late then, so we eat and head to bed, I get to see his cute as shit room from when he was a teenager, and I casually ask “hey, so uh, I don’t know how this works and stuff, but how tall are you?” and Mike is all “I dunno, like a bit over 6’4? Been a while since I checked.” A BIT OVER 6’4. “So, is everyone in your family tall?” “…..kinda?”
We met the Nordic Basketball team he calls a family properly the next day. (Actually they’re Irish, but they’re blond and tall so it conveys the idea better.) The ONLY one of reasonable height, and still taller than me, was his oldest sister, lol.
They are also LOUD. Like not really shouting or anything usually, just, PRESENT. Mike is a lot different around them, but in the cutest way, like he just beams all the time and you can see how happy he is to be home. One of his brothers put him in a headlock and gave him a dang NOOGIE as a greeting, and got elbowed in the side for it, and all of them laughing. And his mom smacked one of his brothers with a rolled up magazine for putting his feet on the table. More laughing. Just… intimidating but in the happiest way imaginable. I’ll admit I was a little shut down for a bit, but Mike kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay, and they were all really nice, so I got into the spirit after a bit.
I mentioned this in another comment, but Mike has a special sports wheelchair he uses for, well, sports. And he and his siblings play basketball. And he is GOOD. Apart from just having a hell of an arm, he’s quick as hell. And this magnificent bastard that I love will absolutely, purposefully, GLEEFULLY run someone’s toes over. He AIMS for it. They all have this yank-back-the-foot maneuver that’s hysterical to watch.
So it was this crazy day of loud people playing and having a blast, nieces and nephews running around, and just noise. My ears are still ringing. The food was catered in advance because his mom “had seven babies, all I make on mother’s day is margaritas.” They also have a pool, it’s a bit chilly still but the pool is HEATED so we actually all got to swim, which was a lot of fun because I got to show off that I too am athletic…. I can do a backwards somersault off a diving board! Yeah. I’m a real catch lol. They at least pretended to be impressed.
We all stayed up late drinking and bitching that it was too overcast to see the aurora (boo) and I had the worst hangover I’ve had in a while on Sunday. We slept in a bit late, and then joined Mike’s family for the BBQ part of the BBQ weekend. His dad can GRILL, people. And he’s fast, food coming off the grill at lightning speed. I asked Mike about it and he laughed and said “there was seven of us to feed. Ever see a nest of baby birds? He had practice.” Which, fair enough.
I don’t have much experience with babies, but I got to hold his youngest niece (the one living at home with his sis until her husband gets back from deployment) and we had a light talk about kids in the future. I told him that I never put much thought into it but if they were going to grow up in a happy home like his and not how I grew up, I’m pretty sure I’d be open to having them with him someday. But later. I need him all to myself for a while first. He seemed really really happy about that, which makes ME feel all goofy and happy. I’m sappy.
We had to drive home Sunday night, but before we went his mom hugged me and said she’s NEVER seen her son like this, and thanked me for taking good care of her baby. And asked if we’d be back for the 4th of July or if we were doing something with my family. And I tried to be all “haaaa no we’ll be here if you don’t mind, I don’t see them much” and I think she caught on that there’s more to the story so she just hugged the shit out of me (vikings, all of them I swear) and told me she can’t wait to see me again.
My ears are still ringing from all the noise and chaos, but it was an absolute blast and I can’t wait to see them again in July. Also, pretty much sure Mike is the man I’m going to marry. I literally can’t think of a single reason why I would ever let him get away.
Anyway thanks for reading, hope you all had a lovely weekend, and those of you who got to see the aurora I’m happy for you but you suck, lol.
Comments
ERVetSurgeon
NTA. sounds like you have found a happy family to join. Good for you and good for Mike.
This story is so heart warming it belongs on BestofRedditorUpdates.
Congratulations, at some parts I felt like I was reading about the Roarke Family's dynamics in one of Nora Robert's JD Robb's Eve Dallas Novels, the whole Irish family vibes were just there. So lovely.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 17th April 2024
Update1 - 19th April 2024
Update2 - 13th May 2024
AITAH For breaking my Number 1 sex rule with a handicapped guy?
Obviously throwaway, I don’t need anyone here seeing my regular account. Also I’m in the US and English is my first language, any discrepancies are because I suck at typing on my phone.
So TL/DR for the “give me the bare bones, I don’t have all day to read on the shitter” crew: My #1 sex rule since high school has been no sex before the third date. I recently broke that rule with a handicapped guy, and now my childhood best friend is pissed and grossed out because she thinks I have some weird kind of fetish.
Context/full story: I’m a 28f. My childhood best friend we’ll call Jess is also 28f. To put it simply, I don’t think I’m any kind of prude, I just don’t really feel comfortable with casual sex, never have. My best friend knows this and has teased me about it lightly in the past. She’s been in a long term relationship for the last 3 years, I’ve mostly been single while working on my degree and starting my career. Jess lives in another state with her boyfriend, so we don’t hang out much anymore.
So about a month ago I had a first date with a guy I’d been talking to for a bit, thought it was going places, but he gave a WEIRD vibe on the date and I cut and ran early. On my way home I stopped at a local pub, figured I’d have a drink to unwind and people watch till it wore off. (Tipsy driving is still drunk driving IMO.) I get there and it’s pretty packed, Friday night and all, and there was no seating room at the bar. Took my drink and looked around, most of the “restaurant” side of the pub was someone’s birthday party, but there was a small table with a seat open off to the side, with a guy reading a book there. So I say eff it, I’m a social person and what’s the worst thing that happens, he says no? So I ask if I can sit there for a bit, I promise we don’t have to talk or anything.
At this point I feel like I’ve fucked up because this guy up close is the hottest man I have ever seen. But he just smiled at me and gave an enthusiastic “Sure!” A few minutes later of me sipping in silence and he says “I don’t mind talking, if you want to.” (Yeah I want to are you kidding me right now?) We talk for a bit and it turns out Mike (fake name) is 29, just finished his master’s degree in some kind of computer learning field (“I program computers to program computers”) and he’s living on his own for the first time. He apparently stops by the pub after work because he’s right around the corner, and he’s not used to the silence yet after living so long with a half dozen siblings.
We talked for a good two hours, about everything from dating (which he said he’s basically given up on) to hobbies and tastes, and we have a near total eclipse of a venn diagram on this stuff. I eventually sort of blurted out that I don’t know why he’d give up on dating, this is the closest thing I’ve had to a good date in forever. (Shooting my shot obliquely here lol.) He gets kind of an odd look on his face and says “Tell you what, I have to go to the bathroom, but when I come back I’ll ask you out for real.” Weird, but okay?
Then it all clicks, because he doesn’t get up to walk away, he just rolls. In his wheelchair. And I’m thinking “oh my God he wanted to give me a chance to back out of this without making it awkward how cute can this guy BE.” He grinned like crazy when he got back and saw I was still there, and I basically tripped over myself saying something to the effect of “So I’m free all weekend, what did you have in mind?”
Another hour later, we’ve got plans for Saturday, and he told me he has a neuromuscular disorder I can’t remember the name of (my degree isn’t in STEM lol) so his legs work, but the signals from his brain get misinterpreted so he doesn’t have the balance or coordination for walking or standing. The pub starts switching over to the youngerowdier crowd and he asks if I’d like to go back to his place for coffee to continue our conversation.
As you have probably long since realized, I did not get any coffee or conversation till the next morning and I have ZERO regrets. We’ve been dating since and I know it’s still early but I really feel like this might be the one.
Onward to yesterday afternoon, my friend Jess (remember Jess?) is in town, and we go out for coffee to catch up on things. I’m gushing about Mike, but when I get to how we met she just sort of got weird and edgy. I don’t remember any exact words but she essentially said that I must have a fetish for the handicapped since I broke my #1 rule and it’s the best physical relationship I’ve ever been in. Like it’s good for me because he uses a wheelchair, not because the guy puts in effort in bed??? She said I’ve “changed” as a person and left without even saying goodbye. 15 years of friendship and I’ve never seen her like that.
So here I am, asking the most objective people online (haha) if I’m an asshole or weird for being super attracted to a guy who uses a wheelchair and basically putting out immediately.
Comments
RefrigeratorHot3859
Firstly, you are allowed to change the rules that you made for yourself. Secondly, I do not get from anything you wrote that you have a “fetish” for the handicapped. Her comments are weird.
Sounds like you need to keep Mike and drop Jess. Good friends will be happy for you, and from what I can gather, that ain’t her.
dubh_righ
She's got a weird fetish - for super hot guys who are kind, and well spoken, and fuck like a hero. What a weirdo. (sarcasm, in case it's not obvious)
OOP: Okay, yeah this made me laugh for real. Seriously, what a weeeeird fetish I have!
brelywi
Hey that’s my fetish too! Here I was thinking I was the only one.
ShottsSeastone
oh fuck that friend. i read this whole thing.
- you have 0 fetish.
- the guy is hot
- the guy is intelligent
- the guy lives on his own
- the guy has his shit together
- THE MAN GAVE YOU THE DOOR TO LEAVE
- Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
OOP: That shit floored me. He's so considerate in so many ways. His stories about his sibs are also hilarious, I can't wait to meet them. We're trying not to rush things just because it all seems so great, but they have a BBQ in May that he'd like me to come to and I am so there. He was raised around a lot of love and it shows.
Update - 2 days later
My first ever update! Yay! Uh, so if you were hoping for some terrible drama, I hate to break it to you that I don’t roll like that. No pun intended. So I do have an update on Jess and shit finally makes perfect sense. And I have a slightly NSFW but funny story about Mike, because this guy is just the best, y’all.
Okay, so first, I finally messaged Jess yesterday and said basically “I’m still hurt by what you said, but after 15 years of friendship I’d never forgive musif I didn’t at least ask why you snapped at me like that.” She replied immediately, “I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t mean any of that, can we have a do over on lunch?” So I agreed cautiously and took a half day to meet with her today.
Turns out that those of you who said she was jealous, and that she might have something else going on, and especially the person who said something might be going on in HER relationship….. gold stars. She’s in town because she’s job hunting, because she’s moving back in with her parents for a while since her relationship ended. Apparently they have been having a ton of small problems adding up, but the biggest one? Sex. The guy she’s been with was apparently never great but it’s gotten to the point where he makes no effort at all for her to enjoy herself and then gets pissed when she isn’t in the mood.
She tried talking with him about it, making suggestions but he told her recently that it’s “emasculating” being given sex advice by a woman. The straw that broke the metaphorical camel’s back, however, was that her boyfriend has always had a thing for Asian women. She’s caucasian, but she does have long black hair. After weeks of fighting over their sex life, he suggested that they spice things up….by her dressing in a kimono and pretending to be Asian. She lost it on him and is absolutely disgusted by the racist fetishism and ended it right then.
So she had allllll of this bottled up and was hoping to talk to me and finally be able to put it down….. and I missed every hint that she had something big to discuss because I was gushing about Mike. So to her it felt like I was just twisting the knife by bragging about how great our sex was. She snapped, and somewhere between what I was saying and what she wanted to talk about some wires got crossed and she said something incredibly dumb.
She left without saying goodbye because she was mortified and ashamed as well as irrationally mad at me. Something to know about Jess, she’s an awful liar and she and I were the co-founders of our high school’s “foot-in-mouth” society, so I do believe her. I told her I forgive her and I’m sorry I didn’t realize she wanted to talk about something bothering her, and she said I was too stupidly nice and have nothing to apologize for, so I think we’ll be okay. For the time being I’m not ready for her and Mike to meet, because I don’t want to make things feel worse, and she agrees. But she’s really really happy for me. Hopefully this is just a funny story we can look back on someday.
So, on to how Mike almost killed me, lol. Last night we were talking about the reddit post and he gets this funny expression that I’m starting to recognize. And he goes “How do we know you don’t have a fetish if we haven’t at least tried it in the chair?” And I’m like “are you serious lol”. He said he’s never attempted it, because (cue tears) he’s never felt so comfortable with a partner before. Well.
His chair has what is essentially like a parking break thing. Or it should, it’s unfortunately broken and apparently getting them fixed is an expensive pain in the ass. He doesn’t use it that often so he hasn’t made it a priority. And there’s this thing called Newton’s third law, you know how every action has an equal and opposite reaction? As it happens, when you’re trying to, ah, get the motion of the ocean going, in a chair with wheels that aren’t locked, there’s a sort of counter motion that starts and fucks it all up. So we were going nowhere fast except for inching along the floor in his bedroom. And laughing at the silliness, which isn’t helping. Eventually he just stops and says “Maybe we can get some of those wooden block things they use to keep little planes from rolling away, like in Indiana Jones you know?”
I absolutely lost it. Like laughing so hard I’m in tears, he’s giggling half at the situation and half at my reaction, and everything just keeps setting me off again. FINALLY I get it under control, doing some deep breathing exercises and shit, and I look at him again. And he pulls the straightest face he can, and says, for the love of god, “Golly. This sure is uncomfortable.” Folks if I had asthma I would have fucking died right there. I laughed so hard I think I pulled a rib. Like wheezing and not even laughing anymore so much as weeping and making this awful “heeeeee” noise when I could catch my breath. While he’s laughing and rubbing my back and saying he’s sorry, he couldn’t resist.
So yeah, confirmed, no fetish here, and this magnificent bastard’s comedic timing might actually kill me.
I doubt I’ll update again, because there’s really nothing I can see needing to share given everything sort of worked out. And in the end, the real assholes were the….friends we made along the way? Idk. Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post and for coming along with me on this absurd but brief drama in my life, lol.
Comments
Rustymarble
Obviously, Jess needs to have a twin with a mother-in-law invade her home with ummm....dog poo...and somehow there's a tree dropping leaves and and a 7 year old brat threw an ummm...apple? And then the cops came and everyone clapps!
OOP: And everyone's phones blow up! Genius, I'll finally go viral and get all those internet dollars I assume people are raking in, LOL
I probably will post an update on this account, but I don't necessarily want to bog down AITAH with my silly shit. I'm so excited and nervous. It's apparently a Mother's Day BBQ! which I didn't know because my parents and I are estranged and I never even seriously thought about having kids before meeting Mike. But apparently it's a lot of people and a lot of food and apparently everyone knows he's bringing me. Also, can I just say FUCK YES about his mom? They apparently have a huge one floor rancher and she just assumed we'd be sleeping together in his old room. Like none of that weird "you aren't married so you get separate rooms" shit. I already adore them and we haven't even met yet.
Forward-Two3846
I think Mike updates are essential to AITAH 😆. I am so excited for you and I hope you have the time of your life.
OOP: Oh there is one coming. Oh my God his family, lol. I am exhausted already and it's only 1 here, and we have another day of this ahead! They are amazing and he is glowing like a fireball, the side of him when he's with family is so bright I need sunglasses to look at him.
Update - 1 month later
Hello again! I was going to post this on my own page but a few people mentioned that they think it’s nice to read on AITAH, so fuck it, here’s the “met Mikes family” update. And it's a doozy, or at least felt like it at the time for a girl who grew up with a small, dysfunctional family.
So first up, you know what people (at least me) don’t think about when dating a guy who’s always sitting? Height. I know he’s taller than me because we cuddle a lot, and he’s taller sitting on the couch, but I didn’t reeeeeeally get it. So we drive up Friday night after work (actually south and west, lol, but to my brain it’s always up) in his vehicle, which is modified to be driven entirely using his hands. Neat, right? He’s a really good driver too. One more green flag. We get to the house, and it’s…. It’s huge you guys, LOL like not a mansion, just kind of a sprawling one floor rancher. Real estate was wild back in the day.
Anyway we get out, and I meet his mom. I’d like to point out I am no slouch, I’m 5’-friggin-7. His mom is TOWERING over me. But she was the nicest lady ever. We go inside and I meet his dad (who funny enough is apparently the only short one in this family) and his youngest sister, who is living there with his one year old niece. She gets up to hug me and SHE IS ALSO REALLY TALL. It’s already a bit late then, so we eat and head to bed, I get to see his cute as shit room from when he was a teenager, and I casually ask “hey, so uh, I don’t know how this works and stuff, but how tall are you?” and Mike is all “I dunno, like a bit over 6’4? Been a while since I checked.” A BIT OVER 6’4. “So, is everyone in your family tall?” “…..kinda?”
We met the Nordic Basketball team he calls a family properly the next day. (Actually they’re Irish, but they’re blond and tall so it conveys the idea better.) The ONLY one of reasonable height, and still taller than me, was his oldest sister, lol.
They are also LOUD. Like not really shouting or anything usually, just, PRESENT. Mike is a lot different around them, but in the cutest way, like he just beams all the time and you can see how happy he is to be home. One of his brothers put him in a headlock and gave him a dang NOOGIE as a greeting, and got elbowed in the side for it, and all of them laughing. And his mom smacked one of his brothers with a rolled up magazine for putting his feet on the table. More laughing. Just… intimidating but in the happiest way imaginable. I’ll admit I was a little shut down for a bit, but Mike kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay, and they were all really nice, so I got into the spirit after a bit.
I mentioned this in another comment, but Mike has a special sports wheelchair he uses for, well, sports. And he and his siblings play basketball. And he is GOOD. Apart from just having a hell of an arm, he’s quick as hell. And this magnificent bastard that I love will absolutely, purposefully, GLEEFULLY run someone’s toes over. He AIMS for it. They all have this yank-back-the-foot maneuver that’s hysterical to watch.
So it was this crazy day of loud people playing and having a blast, nieces and nephews running around, and just noise. My ears are still ringing. The food was catered in advance because his mom “had seven babies, all I make on mother’s day is margaritas.” They also have a pool, it’s a bit chilly still but the pool is HEATED so we actually all got to swim, which was a lot of fun because I got to show off that I too am athletic…. I can do a backwards somersault off a diving board! Yeah. I’m a real catch lol. They at least pretended to be impressed.
We all stayed up late drinking and bitching that it was too overcast to see the aurora (boo) and I had the worst hangover I’ve had in a while on Sunday. We slept in a bit late, and then joined Mike’s family for the BBQ part of the BBQ weekend. His dad can GRILL, people. And he’s fast, food coming off the grill at lightning speed. I asked Mike about it and he laughed and said “there was seven of us to feed. Ever see a nest of baby birds? He had practice.” Which, fair enough.
I don’t have much experience with babies, but I got to hold his youngest niece (the one living at home with his sis until her husband gets back from deployment) and we had a light talk about kids in the future. I told him that I never put much thought into it but if they were going to grow up in a happy home like his and not how I grew up, I’m pretty sure I’d be open to having them with him someday. But later. I need him all to myself for a while first. He seemed really really happy about that, which makes ME feel all goofy and happy. I’m sappy.
We had to drive home Sunday night, but before we went his mom hugged me and said she’s NEVER seen her son like this, and thanked me for taking good care of her baby. And asked if we’d be back for the 4th of July or if we were doing something with my family. And I tried to be all “haaaa no we’ll be here if you don’t mind, I don’t see them much” and I think she caught on that there’s more to the story so she just hugged the shit out of me (vikings, all of them I swear) and told me she can’t wait to see me again.
My ears are still ringing from all the noise and chaos, but it was an absolute blast and I can’t wait to see them again in July. Also, pretty much sure Mike is the man I’m going to marry. I literally can’t think of a single reason why I would ever let him get away.
Anyway thanks for reading, hope you all had a lovely weekend, and those of you who got to see the aurora I’m happy for you but you suck, lol.
Comments
ERVetSurgeon
NTA. sounds like you have found a happy family to join. Good for you and good for Mike.
OOP: It's still pretty surreal. The other in laws that were there were all like that smiling hanging guy meme, "First time?" It was a great weekend.Stormy8888
This story is so heart warming it belongs on BestofRedditorUpdates.
Congratulations, at some parts I felt like I was reading about the Roarke Family's dynamics in one of Nora Robert's JD Robb's Eve Dallas Novels, the whole Irish family vibes were just there. So lovely.
OOP: Ahahaha I don't think it's interesting enough for that, but I am glad people are enjoying it.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.18 03:11 TheSpace81 A stranger in strange lands - 13 (Part 2) [English]
Prologue
First
Previous / Next
Spanish Version (OG Version)
Credits to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe.
And thanks to u/Signal-Chicken559 for proof-reading and the feedback, seriously, thank you.
Also available on Archive of Our Own
Note: There's a post on the Discord of this subreddit, so if you wanna discuss something about my story, that should be the place to go
\---------------------0
Memory Transcription Subject: Syra, Universal History Student at Brightspire and Member of the Human-Venlil Exchange Program
Date [standardized human date]: September 17, 2136
Maybe this "therapy" wouldn't be so bad after all. Perhaps they just wanted to make sure Daniel felt comfortable and supported during his stay here. I hoped that was the case, because otherwise, I wouldn't hesitate to bare my claws if necessary to protect him.
For now, I would let things flow naturally. But I would keep a close eye out, just in case. Daniel wasn't alone in this, I was here to look out for him.
[Time advancement: 10 minutes]
"...and that's more or less how I ended up here, details more, details less," Daniel finished recounting how he had arrived.
He seems satisfied with what Daniel has told so far. Good sign, I suppose. Although I still wonder what exactly this "therapy" is about.
At that, the "psychologist" gets up and walks to the back of the room. He takes some kind of portable whiteboard and places it in front of us. He then takes out a couple of markers and begins to draw a simple diagram.
"Well, Daniel, I think I have a general idea of who you are," he says as he scribbles on the whiteboard. "Now I'd like to explain my approach a bit in this session."
I frown slightly, intrigued. The Doctor draws a large circle in the center of the whiteboard and writes the word "Communication" inside it.
"You see, for me communication is the key to everything," he continues. "It's the medium through which we can express our needs and obtain what we need or desire."
I nod slowly, contemplating the diagram. It makes sense so far. The Doctor continues tracing more elements, listing some steps:
"The first thing is to describe the observable facts objectively," he explains while pointing to step 1. "Then, express the emotions and thoughts that arise in relation to those facts. But most importantly, identify the underlying need that those emotions and thoughts reflect."
He takes another color and draws an arrow that goes from the "Needs" circle to another where he writes "Finds the common ground with the other person."
"Once the needs are identified, we can express them in the form of a request to the other person," he says. "In this way, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in a collaborative and empathetic way."
I nod again, beginning to understand his approach. It's... interesting, to be honest. Very different from the more authoritarian and repressive approach I experienced with my sister's case. The Doctor takes a moment to study our reactions.
"I know this may seem a bit foreign to your customs, Syra," he admits in an understanding tone. "But on Earth we have learned (or we're supposed to) that repressing or denying emotions only leads to more conflicts and suffering. It's better to express them in a healthy way and seek solutions that benefit everyone."
He turns back to the whiteboard and draws another more elaborate diagram. This time, there is a kind of circle, with elongated triangles inside, Daniel explained to me in my previous chats with him, that this was called a "compass" and was used for guidance at sea (By the stars, what's wrong with these humans? Don't they see that the sea is extremely dangerous?!). This compass seemed to be surrounded by several sectors, each with the name of an emotion: joy, sadness, fear, anger, boredom, disgust, surprise.
I look at the diagram with curiosity, it's an interesting concept, although very different from what I've learned on Venlil Prime.
The Doctor points to the central circle with the word "Communication."
"As you can see, for me everything revolves around effective communication," he continues calmly. "First, we must describe the facts objectively, without judging."
I nod slowly, following his explanation. So far it makes sense.
"Then, it is crucial to identify the emotions and thoughts that those facts generate in us. We should not repress or deny them," he continues, tracing more elements on the diagram. "Those emotions and thoughts lead us to identify an underlying need."
I frown a little when I hear that. Needs... my mind goes back to the situation with my sister. Could it be that she just needed to express herself better? No, I can't think about that now.
"Once the need is identified, we can express it as a request to the other person," the Doctor draws an arrow pointing to the words "Finds the common ground." "Thus, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in an empathetic and collaborative way."
I open my eyes in surprise. Is he suggesting that we can simply... ask for what we need? Without fear, without reprisals. It's such a foreign idea from what I experienced... But at the same time, it makes a certain sense.
The Doctor turns towards us, studying our reactions.
"I know this approach may seem strange to you Venlil," he admits with understanding. "But on Earth we learned that repressing or denying emotions only brings more conflicts. It's better to express them in a healthy way."
I swallow hard with discomfort. It's true that on Venlil Prime we are taught to keep certain emotions under control. Especially those that could be seen as... "predatory."
"Um... Excuse me, Doctor," I interject cautiously. "I understand your point, but... What about those emotions or behaviors that are considered harmful or problematic?"
The Doctor looks at me intently before responding.
"It's a very valid question, Syra. But you see, no emotion is inherently 'good' or 'bad'," he explains patiently. "Even emotions like anger or fear have a purpose and meaning. The important thing is to learn to identify them, understand them and express them appropriately."
I frown thoughtfully. Is he suggesting that even the darkest emotions have a place? It's certainly... different from what I've been taught.
"But... What if those emotions endanger others?" I insist, unable to avoid thinking of my sister. "In my culture, certain behaviors, though emotional, are seen as a 'disease'."
A heavy silence settles in the room. I can sense Daniel's discomfort by my side, though he doesn't say a word. The Doctor remains silent for a moment, did I say something wrong?
"I understand your concern, and I'm sorry for that, Syra," he finally responds. "I understand that each culture may have its own norms and values. But at least on Earth, we have learned that pathologizing or repressing certain emotions only increases suffering."
He takes a breath before continuing.
"The important thing is to find healthy ways to express and channel those intense emotions. With support, understanding and appropriate tools, no one has to resort to harm or violence."
I ponder his words carefully. It's such a different perspective... But I can't help the doubts that assail me. If my sister had had that "support" and "understanding"... would she still be alive?
At that moment, I remember what Thomas mentioned about Daniel's "diagnosis." I glance sideways at my human companion sitting beside me, who remains silent.
"Um... Doctor, if you don't mind me asking," I begin cautiously. "What exactly does that 'diagnosis' you mentioned before mean? The 'Autism Spectrum Disorder'?"
Daniel tenses visibly by my side, as if he wants to avoid that conversation. But the Doctor simply nods calmly.
"Well it's not a bad question, Syra," he responds. "Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodivergent condition that primarily affects the development of social skills and communication. People on the spectrum can have difficulties interpreting social cues, maintaining eye contact or understanding figurative language."
I look at Daniel with renewed interest, trying to better understand his situation. Maybe that's why it's so hard for him to socialize...
"But that doesn't mean they are 'sick' or 'deficient' people," the Doctor is quick to clarify. "They simply have a neurodivergent processing of social information. With the right supports, they can develop fully."
My gaze softens as I observe Daniel. I feel a wave of understanding toward him. All this time he has been dealing with these challenges and yet he still strives to establish bonds and learn about my culture.
"There's no need to be alarmed. As I said, the intention is not to judge or label anyone. We simply want to understand and provide the appropriate support."
I nod slowly, feeling the tension dissipate a little. Then, the Doctor takes out a deck of cards from a small briefcase he had at his side.
"In fact, would you like to play a little game? It could help us get to know each other in a more relaxed way."
I glance sideways at Daniel, not quite sure what to expect. He shrugs indifferently, as if letting me decide. Well, why not? A game could be a more pleasant way to get through this "therapy."
"Sure, let's play," I respond, giving a slight smile and gesturing with my tail.
The Doctor nods and proceeds to explain the rules of the game called "Sussed?". It doesn't seem too complicated: basically, we have to read some cards with 3 questions and 3 answer options each, choose the one that best represents us and try to guess which answer to that question the player who asked it chose.
"Sounds good," I comment as the Doctor deals the cards to each of us. "Do you want to start?"
This was the kind of board games I liked the most.
"Sure, why not?" the Doctor replied as he takes the first card. "Let's see..."
After a few moments, he chooses the card, looks at it for another moment, and the psychologist says:
"This question says: 'If you could swap bodies with anyone for a day, who would you choose?'"
I frown thoughtfully. It's an interesting question, to be honest. Who would a human want to swap bodies with?
If I were human, who would I swap bodies with?
I glance sideways at Daniel and a mischievous idea crosses my mind. What if...? No, no, that would be too daring.
But I return to the objective, to guess who the therapist would become, and then he says the options:
"And the options are:
"What do you say? Who do you think I would choose?"
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and made a new gesture with my ears. My ideal partner? That option seemed too suggestive for a human like him. Or would it be too obvious? And what if he chose his idol to get to know them better? I didn't completely rule out the last option either.
"Hmm..." I murmured, scratching my chin. "I'd say... C? He'd swap with one of us for a day?"
Daniel shifted beside me, seeming just as intrigued by the question as I was. Doctor Calderón simply shook his head.
"Good theory, but no. My answer was B," he revealed calmly.
Well! It made sense, I suppose. Humans really do seem obsessed with their celebrities and public figures, Daniel told me they had many, many celebrations of the historical figures of each of their countries, so each "paw" or "whatever" of their year celebrated something or someone.
"I see," I nodded. "Interesting choice."
"Alright, I guess it's my turn now," Daniel cleared his throat through his mask. "Let's see... 'If you could travel through time, what era would you choose to visit?'"
That was a fairly typical question for a game like this, but it still made me think. What era would Daniel like to visit? So many possibilities...
The options Daniel mentioned were:
Honestly, I'm not too sure which one he might choose. Knowing his fascination with space exploration, he might choose the future to see how civilizations evolve. But he could also be interested in some golden age from his species' remote past.
Determined to guess his answer, I risk my hunch:
"Hmm, I think you'd say... option C? A golden age or key historical period?" I suggest, moving my tail inquisitively. "That's the impression I get considering your interest in history."
Daniel takes a few moments before responding with a slight nod.
"Good intuition, Syra. I chose option C, a golden age. More specifically, the European Renaissance I told you about before, don't you remember?" he reveals in a calm tone. "It was a period of great scientific and cultural advancement for my species."
I nod, pleased to have guessed right. It's interesting how Daniel seems to value the periods of intellectual and artistic progress of his civilization, despite its apparently violent background.
"Ah, yes, you told me it was a transcendental moment for humans in areas like philosophy, the arts and knowledge in general."
"Exactly. Figures like Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, Michelangelo and so many others laid the foundations of modern science and thought. Although there were shadows too, of course."
Doctor Calderón nods and takes notes in a small notebook he has by his side. I feel curious to learn more about this "golden age" that Daniel mentions, so I decide to ask:
"If it's okay with you, could you tell me a little more about that 'Renaissance'?" I inquire, my ears slightly raised. "I'm interested in knowing what made it so important for your species."
Daniel settles into his seat, as if preparing for a more extensive explanation. I notice how his hands, make some gestures as he speaks, something I've noticed humans often do.
"Well, the Renaissance was a cultural movement that emerged in the European region during the 15th and 16th centuries, mainly in cities like Florence, Rome and Venice," he begins to explain. "After a period known as the Middle Ages, where a somewhat more rigid and dogmatic thought predominated, the Renaissance brought a resurgence of interest in the classical ideals of ancient Greece and Rome."
I nod, trying to follow his line of thought. Humans seem to have a special fascination with those ancient cultures from their past.
"Renaissance artists and thinkers promoted a more humanistic and rational approach," Daniel continues. "Figures like Leonardo da Vinci embodied the idea of the 'Renaissance man', one who sought knowledge in various areas: art, science, engineering, philosophy, and blah, blah, blah."
"Wow, that sounds really interesting," I comment sincerely. "Could you give me some more concrete examples of the achievements of that period?"
Daniel nods and proceeds to mention some Renaissance milestones: Da Vinci's advances in anatomy and his studies on the human body, the astronomical discoveries of Galileo Galilei, artworks like the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo's David, and the rediscovery of his species' literary classics.
"In summary, it was an era of great creative and intellectual effervescence," Daniel concludes. "Though of course there was still a long way to go."
I nod, fascinated by Daniel's description. It's admirable how his species managed to propel itself forward in those key periods, despite the difficulties and limitations they faced back then. I can't help but wonder if the Venlil will ever experience a similar awakening, at least, of thought...
At that moment, I remember we're playing "Sussed?", grab one of the cards and choose one of its questions, taking advantage of Daniel's enthusiasm for history and culture.
"Alright, my turn," I announce, taking a new card. "If you could choose one supernatural ability, what would it be?' And the options are:
"What do you say? What do you think I would choose?"
Now that I think about it, what would I choose?
I would definitely choose to be able to fly.
The idea of soaring through the skies with total freedom seems incredibly appealing to me. I imagine how exciting it would be to explore Venlil Prime's landscapes from the heights, without restrictions.
Daniel remains silent for a few moments, as if carefully analyzing the options. I can imagine the gears turning inside that peculiar human head of his. Finally, he responds:
"Time travel."
Time travel? I didn't expect that. I suppose it makes sense coming from a being so fascinated by the vast universe and its unsolved mysteries.
"Ohhh, interesting choice," I comment with curiosity. "May I ask why you think I would choose that ability?"
Daniel shrugs and responds in a casual tone:
"Well, I think time travel would open up infinite possibilities for knowledge and adventure," he explains. "Imagine being able to witness historical events firsthand or catch a glimpse of the future to guide us better. It would be amazing."
I nod slowly, surprised by his reasoning. Humans certainly have an overflowing imagination.
"Woah, I hadn't seen it that way," I admit. "Although it could also be risky, don't you think? Messing with the past or knowing too much about the future."
Daniel laughs through his mask, a metallic and distorted sound.
"Good point. I guess we'd have to be really careful with that," he concedes.
"Although it would just be a small glimpse, nothing major like changing history. What do you think, Dr. Calderón? What ability do you think Syra would choose?"
Dr. Calderón takes a moment to think about it.
"Hmm, I think you would choose to read minds," he finally responds. "It would be very useful for better understanding people in general."
My ears twitch strangely at his response.
"Wouldn't that be an invasion of privacy?"
"It depends on how the power works, I would set certain limits so it only activates in specific situations or places, for example."
I guess that makes sense, but I'm still not sure I'd want to read minds in general, knowing what people really think of you all the time doesn't seem like the best idea.
Anyway, it's time to reveal the answer I chose.
"Well, you're wrong, because I would choose to fly."
"But why?" Daniel asks me.
"Well, the idea of flying seems interesting to me, being able to move at full speed without ground traffic or gravity's obstacles seems appealing."
"That's an interesting answer," Calderón responds.
I guess I should take it well that he says it's an interesting answer.
"Alright, my turn again," I announced, taking a new card. "If you could have a supernatural ability, which would it be: flying, teleporting or mind control?"
And so we continued playing successively, for a good while.
[Time advancement: 50 minutes]
Dr. Calderón collects the game cards and carefully puts them away in his briefcase. Then, he turns towards us with a friendly smile.
"Well, I think that's it for today," he announces in a calm voice. "How was it? I hope it was a constructive experience and helped you get to know each other a little better."
I nod slowly, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, this "therapy" has been extremely revealing about how humans think. But on the other, I can't help but still feel some apprehension.
"It was... interesting, no doubt," I respond frankly. "I admit that some of your ideas seem quite foreign to what I'm used to. But I also recognize that it makes sense, at least from your perspective."
The Doctor nods in understanding.
"It's normal for them to seem strange at first, Syra," he says patiently. "Cultural differences run deep. But that doesn't mean they're incompatible, right? It simply requires effort from both sides to find common ground."
I ponder his words, turning to look at Daniel. He remains silent, but I notice how he watches me through the mask, as if evaluating my reaction. I can almost imagine the gears turning inside his head... peculiar, but endearing in a way.
"You're right," I finally admit. "It's just a matter of continuing to learn and understand. And for that, both sides have to keep an open mind."
I smile slightly and, in an impulsive gesture, bring my tail towards Daniel, gently coiling it around his arm. He tenses briefly but doesn't pull away.
"Don't worry," I tell him softly. "We'll get to understanding each other, you'll see."
Daniel nods stiffly, saying nothing. I can imagine his discomfort, but I hope that in time he'll understand that he doesn't have to be ashamed of his "peculiarity." At least, not with me.
At that moment, Dr. Calderón stands up from his seat.
"Well, I think that concludes today's session," he announces in an affable tone. "You can return to your rest area. And please, don't hesitate to request me if you need anything."
We nod and stand up to leave the therapy room. Once in the hallway, I give Daniel a friendly tail gesture.
We walk back to our little "suite", already familiar to us after the therapy session with Dr. Calderón. An awkward silence hangs between Daniel and me as we make our way through the station's hallways.
I feel relieved that therapy didn't turn out as terrifying as I initially feared. But at the same time, I can't help but dwell on some of the things the Doctor said. That about "letting emotions flow" and not repressing them... It's so alien to what I've experienced.
I glance sideways at Daniel, with his mask and that characteristically rigid body language. I wonder what he's thinking about it all. Does he feel comfortable with that idea of emotional and social "openness"? From what I could tell, he seems somewhat reluctant, although I suppose it's natural given his... peculiarity.
I shake my head, brushing those thoughts aside. I shouldn't judge so harshly. I'm just seeing things from my limited perspective. Maybe for humans that "openness" works better. Or maybe not. I still have a lot to learn, at least about them.
We finally reach our little "suite" and go inside. It's a cozy space, with a common living room and our two individual bedrooms on either side as always. Nothing luxurious, but at least it's private and comfortable.
I plop down heavily on the couch, letting out a slight sigh. Daniel sits at the other end, keeping his distance as usual.
"So... what do you think about all this?" I ask cautiously, moving my ears in his direction.
He shrugs, his body language denoting some discomfort.
"I don't know what to think, really," he responds frankly. "It's all so... different from what I'm used to."
I nod, fully understanding that feeling. It's like we're both exploring completely uncharted territory.
"Yeah, I get it. It's very foreign to me too," I admit. "But... do you think it could have some value? You know, that whole 'expressing emotions' thing and all that."
Daniel remains silent for a moment, as if meditating on his answer. I can almost picture the gears turning inside his human head.
"Maybe..." he finally mutters. "Although I don't know if I'm ready for something like that. It's... complicated for me, I've had therapies before, but they never really worked out, it makes me uncomfortable because it's more of a routine than anything else, a routine I thought I'd at least get a break from here, but it wasn't the case, although it makes sense, they have a neurodivergent among the program members, so I guess they wanted to make sure I'd behave."
My ears droop slightly as I sense his discomfort. I don't want to push him too much, especially on topics that seem sensitive to him.
"Hey, it's okay," I say in a softer tone. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. We'll go at your own pace, alright?"
He nods stiffly, though I notice his shoulders relaxing a little. I'm glad I can convey some reassurance.
If someone had told me I'd be reassuring a predator about his own discomfort by being so close a few months ago, I would have laughed in their faces and told them they were crazy, but here I am, telling him everything will be okay.
After a few moments of awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey, Daniel..." I begin slowly. "Can I ask you a question about what the Doctor said?"
He nods stiffly, barely a slight movement of his masked head.
"Sure, what do you want to know?"
I hesitate for a moment, not quite sure how to approach this without seeming intrusive.
"Well, he mentioned something about that 'diagnosis' of yours...a disorder, I think he said. Could you explain a bit more about that?" I ask cautiously. "O-only if you're comfortable with it, of course."
Daniel tenses up even more, I can almost feel his discomfort radiating from his body language. For a moment I fear I've crossed a line, but then he responds in a muted voice:
"It's... complicated to explain. Basically, my brain processes certain information differently than most people's. That makes social interactions, non-verbal language, that kind of thing difficult for me."
I nod slowly, trying to better understand his condition.
"And is that... bad?" I ask with genuine curiosity. "I mean, does it cause you problems or anything?"
He siffly shrugs.
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the situation. In academics and work it's usually an advantage, because I can focus really well on logical, repetitive tasks. But socially... well, let's just say it's not my strong suit."
I observe him closely, noticing how he averts his masked gaze. I can imagine the discomfort and vulnerability he must be feeling opening up like this.
"Hey, you don't have to be ashamed, okay?" I say softly. "I think it's admirable that you can be so honest about it. Most pred- I mean, humans, would probably do everything possible to hide it, right?"
Daniel lets out a slight huff through the mask, a metallic and distorted sound that could almost be mistaken for a bitter laugh.
"Now, I guess not, but it's ironic, don't you think?" he comments with a tinge of bitterness. "In prehistoric times, someone like me might have been abandoned or devoured for not fitting in with the tribe or group.
"But now... well, it seems I might not fit in anywhere at this rate, or maybe I'm exaggerating, but sometimes I don't know what to think. Because I don't want people to see me with pity or as someone who can't fend for themselves. It's messed up, because sometimes they see you in a condescending way, like you need help with everything all the time, when that's not always the case. I want to show the world, or the universe, that I can be myself without needing anyone's help to be me, that I can make it on my own without depending on anyone..."
After an awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey Daniel, I understand you don't like talking much about your... peculiarity," I say carefully. "But I want you to know you don't have to be ashamed of it with me, okay? I don't think any less of you for being... well, different."
Daniel shifts in his seat, his body language still slightly rigid and tense. I can imagine the discomfort he must be feeling, and I don't like it.
"It's not that I'm ashamed, exactly," he responds with apparent caution. "It's just that... sometimes I feel like people look at me with pity, you know? Like I need help with everything, when really most of the time I can fend for myself."
I nod slowly, trying to understand his perspective. I suppose for someone like him, who's probably used to dealing with prejudices and misunderstandings about his peculiarity, it must be frustrating to be treated in a condescending way.
But this time, he breaks the silence.
"Hey... there's something that's been on my mind," he admits hesitantly. "When you said you wouldn't let anyone hurt me, it sounded like you'd gone through a similar experience."
I swallow hard, feeling a lump in my throat. So he noticed. Well, I suppose it was inevitable he'd figure it out sooner or later, considering how perceptive he seems to be.
I guess it's time for me to tell my truth.
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Prologue
First
Previous / Next
Spanish Version (OG Version)
submitted by TheSpace81 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
First
Previous / Next
Spanish Version (OG Version)
Credits to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe.
And thanks to u/Signal-Chicken559 for proof-reading and the feedback, seriously, thank you.
Also available on Archive of Our Own
Note: There's a post on the Discord of this subreddit, so if you wanna discuss something about my story, that should be the place to go
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Memory Transcription Subject: Syra, Universal History Student at Brightspire and Member of the Human-Venlil Exchange Program
Date [standardized human date]: September 17, 2136
Maybe this "therapy" wouldn't be so bad after all. Perhaps they just wanted to make sure Daniel felt comfortable and supported during his stay here. I hoped that was the case, because otherwise, I wouldn't hesitate to bare my claws if necessary to protect him.
For now, I would let things flow naturally. But I would keep a close eye out, just in case. Daniel wasn't alone in this, I was here to look out for him.
[Time advancement: 10 minutes]
"...and that's more or less how I ended up here, details more, details less," Daniel finished recounting how he had arrived.
He seems satisfied with what Daniel has told so far. Good sign, I suppose. Although I still wonder what exactly this "therapy" is about.
At that, the "psychologist" gets up and walks to the back of the room. He takes some kind of portable whiteboard and places it in front of us. He then takes out a couple of markers and begins to draw a simple diagram.
"Well, Daniel, I think I have a general idea of who you are," he says as he scribbles on the whiteboard. "Now I'd like to explain my approach a bit in this session."
I frown slightly, intrigued. The Doctor draws a large circle in the center of the whiteboard and writes the word "Communication" inside it.
"You see, for me communication is the key to everything," he continues. "It's the medium through which we can express our needs and obtain what we need or desire."
I nod slowly, contemplating the diagram. It makes sense so far. The Doctor continues tracing more elements, listing some steps:
- Describe observable facts
- Emotions + Thoughts → Feelings
- NEEDS
- Expressed in the form of a request
"The first thing is to describe the observable facts objectively," he explains while pointing to step 1. "Then, express the emotions and thoughts that arise in relation to those facts. But most importantly, identify the underlying need that those emotions and thoughts reflect."
He takes another color and draws an arrow that goes from the "Needs" circle to another where he writes "Finds the common ground with the other person."
"Once the needs are identified, we can express them in the form of a request to the other person," he says. "In this way, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in a collaborative and empathetic way."
I nod again, beginning to understand his approach. It's... interesting, to be honest. Very different from the more authoritarian and repressive approach I experienced with my sister's case. The Doctor takes a moment to study our reactions.
"I know this may seem a bit foreign to your customs, Syra," he admits in an understanding tone. "But on Earth we have learned (or we're supposed to) that repressing or denying emotions only leads to more conflicts and suffering. It's better to express them in a healthy way and seek solutions that benefit everyone."
He turns back to the whiteboard and draws another more elaborate diagram. This time, there is a kind of circle, with elongated triangles inside, Daniel explained to me in my previous chats with him, that this was called a "compass" and was used for guidance at sea (By the stars, what's wrong with these humans? Don't they see that the sea is extremely dangerous?!). This compass seemed to be surrounded by several sectors, each with the name of an emotion: joy, sadness, fear, anger, boredom, disgust, surprise.
I look at the diagram with curiosity, it's an interesting concept, although very different from what I've learned on Venlil Prime.
The Doctor points to the central circle with the word "Communication."
"As you can see, for me everything revolves around effective communication," he continues calmly. "First, we must describe the facts objectively, without judging."
I nod slowly, following his explanation. So far it makes sense.
"Then, it is crucial to identify the emotions and thoughts that those facts generate in us. We should not repress or deny them," he continues, tracing more elements on the diagram. "Those emotions and thoughts lead us to identify an underlying need."
I frown a little when I hear that. Needs... my mind goes back to the situation with my sister. Could it be that she just needed to express herself better? No, I can't think about that now.
"Once the need is identified, we can express it as a request to the other person," the Doctor draws an arrow pointing to the words "Finds the common ground." "Thus, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in an empathetic and collaborative way."
I open my eyes in surprise. Is he suggesting that we can simply... ask for what we need? Without fear, without reprisals. It's such a foreign idea from what I experienced... But at the same time, it makes a certain sense.
The Doctor turns towards us, studying our reactions.
"I know this approach may seem strange to you Venlil," he admits with understanding. "But on Earth we learned that repressing or denying emotions only brings more conflicts. It's better to express them in a healthy way."
I swallow hard with discomfort. It's true that on Venlil Prime we are taught to keep certain emotions under control. Especially those that could be seen as... "predatory."
"Um... Excuse me, Doctor," I interject cautiously. "I understand your point, but... What about those emotions or behaviors that are considered harmful or problematic?"
The Doctor looks at me intently before responding.
"It's a very valid question, Syra. But you see, no emotion is inherently 'good' or 'bad'," he explains patiently. "Even emotions like anger or fear have a purpose and meaning. The important thing is to learn to identify them, understand them and express them appropriately."
I frown thoughtfully. Is he suggesting that even the darkest emotions have a place? It's certainly... different from what I've been taught.
"But... What if those emotions endanger others?" I insist, unable to avoid thinking of my sister. "In my culture, certain behaviors, though emotional, are seen as a 'disease'."
A heavy silence settles in the room. I can sense Daniel's discomfort by my side, though he doesn't say a word. The Doctor remains silent for a moment, did I say something wrong?
"I understand your concern, and I'm sorry for that, Syra," he finally responds. "I understand that each culture may have its own norms and values. But at least on Earth, we have learned that pathologizing or repressing certain emotions only increases suffering."
He takes a breath before continuing.
"The important thing is to find healthy ways to express and channel those intense emotions. With support, understanding and appropriate tools, no one has to resort to harm or violence."
I ponder his words carefully. It's such a different perspective... But I can't help the doubts that assail me. If my sister had had that "support" and "understanding"... would she still be alive?
At that moment, I remember what Thomas mentioned about Daniel's "diagnosis." I glance sideways at my human companion sitting beside me, who remains silent.
"Um... Doctor, if you don't mind me asking," I begin cautiously. "What exactly does that 'diagnosis' you mentioned before mean? The 'Autism Spectrum Disorder'?"
Daniel tenses visibly by my side, as if he wants to avoid that conversation. But the Doctor simply nods calmly.
"Well it's not a bad question, Syra," he responds. "Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodivergent condition that primarily affects the development of social skills and communication. People on the spectrum can have difficulties interpreting social cues, maintaining eye contact or understanding figurative language."
I look at Daniel with renewed interest, trying to better understand his situation. Maybe that's why it's so hard for him to socialize...
"But that doesn't mean they are 'sick' or 'deficient' people," the Doctor is quick to clarify. "They simply have a neurodivergent processing of social information. With the right supports, they can develop fully."
My gaze softens as I observe Daniel. I feel a wave of understanding toward him. All this time he has been dealing with these challenges and yet he still strives to establish bonds and learn about my culture.
"There's no need to be alarmed. As I said, the intention is not to judge or label anyone. We simply want to understand and provide the appropriate support."
I nod slowly, feeling the tension dissipate a little. Then, the Doctor takes out a deck of cards from a small briefcase he had at his side.
"In fact, would you like to play a little game? It could help us get to know each other in a more relaxed way."
I glance sideways at Daniel, not quite sure what to expect. He shrugs indifferently, as if letting me decide. Well, why not? A game could be a more pleasant way to get through this "therapy."
"Sure, let's play," I respond, giving a slight smile and gesturing with my tail.
The Doctor nods and proceeds to explain the rules of the game called "Sussed?". It doesn't seem too complicated: basically, we have to read some cards with 3 questions and 3 answer options each, choose the one that best represents us and try to guess which answer to that question the player who asked it chose.
"Sounds good," I comment as the Doctor deals the cards to each of us. "Do you want to start?"
This was the kind of board games I liked the most.
"Sure, why not?" the Doctor replied as he takes the first card. "Let's see..."
After a few moments, he chooses the card, looks at it for another moment, and the psychologist says:
"This question says: 'If you could swap bodies with anyone for a day, who would you choose?'"
I frown thoughtfully. It's an interesting question, to be honest. Who would a human want to swap bodies with?
If I were human, who would I swap bodies with?
I glance sideways at Daniel and a mischievous idea crosses my mind. What if...? No, no, that would be too daring.
But I return to the objective, to guess who the therapist would become, and then he says the options:
"And the options are:
- A). Your ideal partner;
- B). Your idol or favorite celebrity; and
- C). Your game companion (if this option, who?)"
"What do you say? Who do you think I would choose?"
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and made a new gesture with my ears. My ideal partner? That option seemed too suggestive for a human like him. Or would it be too obvious? And what if he chose his idol to get to know them better? I didn't completely rule out the last option either.
"Hmm..." I murmured, scratching my chin. "I'd say... C? He'd swap with one of us for a day?"
Daniel shifted beside me, seeming just as intrigued by the question as I was. Doctor Calderón simply shook his head.
"Good theory, but no. My answer was B," he revealed calmly.
Well! It made sense, I suppose. Humans really do seem obsessed with their celebrities and public figures, Daniel told me they had many, many celebrations of the historical figures of each of their countries, so each "paw" or "whatever" of their year celebrated something or someone.
"I see," I nodded. "Interesting choice."
"Alright, I guess it's my turn now," Daniel cleared his throat through his mask. "Let's see... 'If you could travel through time, what era would you choose to visit?'"
That was a fairly typical question for a game like this, but it still made me think. What era would Daniel like to visit? So many possibilities...
The options Daniel mentioned were:
- A). The remote past;
- B). The future; and
- C). A golden age or key historical period.
Honestly, I'm not too sure which one he might choose. Knowing his fascination with space exploration, he might choose the future to see how civilizations evolve. But he could also be interested in some golden age from his species' remote past.
Determined to guess his answer, I risk my hunch:
"Hmm, I think you'd say... option C? A golden age or key historical period?" I suggest, moving my tail inquisitively. "That's the impression I get considering your interest in history."
Daniel takes a few moments before responding with a slight nod.
"Good intuition, Syra. I chose option C, a golden age. More specifically, the European Renaissance I told you about before, don't you remember?" he reveals in a calm tone. "It was a period of great scientific and cultural advancement for my species."
I nod, pleased to have guessed right. It's interesting how Daniel seems to value the periods of intellectual and artistic progress of his civilization, despite its apparently violent background.
"Ah, yes, you told me it was a transcendental moment for humans in areas like philosophy, the arts and knowledge in general."
"Exactly. Figures like Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, Michelangelo and so many others laid the foundations of modern science and thought. Although there were shadows too, of course."
Doctor Calderón nods and takes notes in a small notebook he has by his side. I feel curious to learn more about this "golden age" that Daniel mentions, so I decide to ask:
"If it's okay with you, could you tell me a little more about that 'Renaissance'?" I inquire, my ears slightly raised. "I'm interested in knowing what made it so important for your species."
Daniel settles into his seat, as if preparing for a more extensive explanation. I notice how his hands, make some gestures as he speaks, something I've noticed humans often do.
"Well, the Renaissance was a cultural movement that emerged in the European region during the 15th and 16th centuries, mainly in cities like Florence, Rome and Venice," he begins to explain. "After a period known as the Middle Ages, where a somewhat more rigid and dogmatic thought predominated, the Renaissance brought a resurgence of interest in the classical ideals of ancient Greece and Rome."
I nod, trying to follow his line of thought. Humans seem to have a special fascination with those ancient cultures from their past.
"Renaissance artists and thinkers promoted a more humanistic and rational approach," Daniel continues. "Figures like Leonardo da Vinci embodied the idea of the 'Renaissance man', one who sought knowledge in various areas: art, science, engineering, philosophy, and blah, blah, blah."
"Wow, that sounds really interesting," I comment sincerely. "Could you give me some more concrete examples of the achievements of that period?"
Daniel nods and proceeds to mention some Renaissance milestones: Da Vinci's advances in anatomy and his studies on the human body, the astronomical discoveries of Galileo Galilei, artworks like the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo's David, and the rediscovery of his species' literary classics.
"In summary, it was an era of great creative and intellectual effervescence," Daniel concludes. "Though of course there was still a long way to go."
I nod, fascinated by Daniel's description. It's admirable how his species managed to propel itself forward in those key periods, despite the difficulties and limitations they faced back then. I can't help but wonder if the Venlil will ever experience a similar awakening, at least, of thought...
At that moment, I remember we're playing "Sussed?", grab one of the cards and choose one of its questions, taking advantage of Daniel's enthusiasm for history and culture.
"Alright, my turn," I announce, taking a new card. "If you could choose one supernatural ability, what would it be?' And the options are:
- A). Flying,
- B). Mind reading or
- C). Time travel."
"What do you say? What do you think I would choose?"
Now that I think about it, what would I choose?
I would definitely choose to be able to fly.
The idea of soaring through the skies with total freedom seems incredibly appealing to me. I imagine how exciting it would be to explore Venlil Prime's landscapes from the heights, without restrictions.
Daniel remains silent for a few moments, as if carefully analyzing the options. I can imagine the gears turning inside that peculiar human head of his. Finally, he responds:
"Time travel."
Time travel? I didn't expect that. I suppose it makes sense coming from a being so fascinated by the vast universe and its unsolved mysteries.
"Ohhh, interesting choice," I comment with curiosity. "May I ask why you think I would choose that ability?"
Daniel shrugs and responds in a casual tone:
"Well, I think time travel would open up infinite possibilities for knowledge and adventure," he explains. "Imagine being able to witness historical events firsthand or catch a glimpse of the future to guide us better. It would be amazing."
I nod slowly, surprised by his reasoning. Humans certainly have an overflowing imagination.
"Woah, I hadn't seen it that way," I admit. "Although it could also be risky, don't you think? Messing with the past or knowing too much about the future."
Daniel laughs through his mask, a metallic and distorted sound.
"Good point. I guess we'd have to be really careful with that," he concedes.
"Although it would just be a small glimpse, nothing major like changing history. What do you think, Dr. Calderón? What ability do you think Syra would choose?"
Dr. Calderón takes a moment to think about it.
"Hmm, I think you would choose to read minds," he finally responds. "It would be very useful for better understanding people in general."
My ears twitch strangely at his response.
"Wouldn't that be an invasion of privacy?"
"It depends on how the power works, I would set certain limits so it only activates in specific situations or places, for example."
I guess that makes sense, but I'm still not sure I'd want to read minds in general, knowing what people really think of you all the time doesn't seem like the best idea.
Anyway, it's time to reveal the answer I chose.
"Well, you're wrong, because I would choose to fly."
"But why?" Daniel asks me.
"Well, the idea of flying seems interesting to me, being able to move at full speed without ground traffic or gravity's obstacles seems appealing."
"That's an interesting answer," Calderón responds.
I guess I should take it well that he says it's an interesting answer.
"Alright, my turn again," I announced, taking a new card. "If you could have a supernatural ability, which would it be: flying, teleporting or mind control?"
And so we continued playing successively, for a good while.
[Time advancement: 50 minutes]
Dr. Calderón collects the game cards and carefully puts them away in his briefcase. Then, he turns towards us with a friendly smile.
"Well, I think that's it for today," he announces in a calm voice. "How was it? I hope it was a constructive experience and helped you get to know each other a little better."
I nod slowly, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, this "therapy" has been extremely revealing about how humans think. But on the other, I can't help but still feel some apprehension.
"It was... interesting, no doubt," I respond frankly. "I admit that some of your ideas seem quite foreign to what I'm used to. But I also recognize that it makes sense, at least from your perspective."
The Doctor nods in understanding.
"It's normal for them to seem strange at first, Syra," he says patiently. "Cultural differences run deep. But that doesn't mean they're incompatible, right? It simply requires effort from both sides to find common ground."
I ponder his words, turning to look at Daniel. He remains silent, but I notice how he watches me through the mask, as if evaluating my reaction. I can almost imagine the gears turning inside his head... peculiar, but endearing in a way.
"You're right," I finally admit. "It's just a matter of continuing to learn and understand. And for that, both sides have to keep an open mind."
I smile slightly and, in an impulsive gesture, bring my tail towards Daniel, gently coiling it around his arm. He tenses briefly but doesn't pull away.
"Don't worry," I tell him softly. "We'll get to understanding each other, you'll see."
Daniel nods stiffly, saying nothing. I can imagine his discomfort, but I hope that in time he'll understand that he doesn't have to be ashamed of his "peculiarity." At least, not with me.
At that moment, Dr. Calderón stands up from his seat.
"Well, I think that concludes today's session," he announces in an affable tone. "You can return to your rest area. And please, don't hesitate to request me if you need anything."
We nod and stand up to leave the therapy room. Once in the hallway, I give Daniel a friendly tail gesture.
We walk back to our little "suite", already familiar to us after the therapy session with Dr. Calderón. An awkward silence hangs between Daniel and me as we make our way through the station's hallways.
I feel relieved that therapy didn't turn out as terrifying as I initially feared. But at the same time, I can't help but dwell on some of the things the Doctor said. That about "letting emotions flow" and not repressing them... It's so alien to what I've experienced.
I glance sideways at Daniel, with his mask and that characteristically rigid body language. I wonder what he's thinking about it all. Does he feel comfortable with that idea of emotional and social "openness"? From what I could tell, he seems somewhat reluctant, although I suppose it's natural given his... peculiarity.
I shake my head, brushing those thoughts aside. I shouldn't judge so harshly. I'm just seeing things from my limited perspective. Maybe for humans that "openness" works better. Or maybe not. I still have a lot to learn, at least about them.
We finally reach our little "suite" and go inside. It's a cozy space, with a common living room and our two individual bedrooms on either side as always. Nothing luxurious, but at least it's private and comfortable.
I plop down heavily on the couch, letting out a slight sigh. Daniel sits at the other end, keeping his distance as usual.
"So... what do you think about all this?" I ask cautiously, moving my ears in his direction.
He shrugs, his body language denoting some discomfort.
"I don't know what to think, really," he responds frankly. "It's all so... different from what I'm used to."
I nod, fully understanding that feeling. It's like we're both exploring completely uncharted territory.
"Yeah, I get it. It's very foreign to me too," I admit. "But... do you think it could have some value? You know, that whole 'expressing emotions' thing and all that."
Daniel remains silent for a moment, as if meditating on his answer. I can almost picture the gears turning inside his human head.
"Maybe..." he finally mutters. "Although I don't know if I'm ready for something like that. It's... complicated for me, I've had therapies before, but they never really worked out, it makes me uncomfortable because it's more of a routine than anything else, a routine I thought I'd at least get a break from here, but it wasn't the case, although it makes sense, they have a neurodivergent among the program members, so I guess they wanted to make sure I'd behave."
My ears droop slightly as I sense his discomfort. I don't want to push him too much, especially on topics that seem sensitive to him.
"Hey, it's okay," I say in a softer tone. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. We'll go at your own pace, alright?"
He nods stiffly, though I notice his shoulders relaxing a little. I'm glad I can convey some reassurance.
If someone had told me I'd be reassuring a predator about his own discomfort by being so close a few months ago, I would have laughed in their faces and told them they were crazy, but here I am, telling him everything will be okay.
After a few moments of awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey, Daniel..." I begin slowly. "Can I ask you a question about what the Doctor said?"
He nods stiffly, barely a slight movement of his masked head.
"Sure, what do you want to know?"
I hesitate for a moment, not quite sure how to approach this without seeming intrusive.
"Well, he mentioned something about that 'diagnosis' of yours...a disorder, I think he said. Could you explain a bit more about that?" I ask cautiously. "O-only if you're comfortable with it, of course."
Daniel tenses up even more, I can almost feel his discomfort radiating from his body language. For a moment I fear I've crossed a line, but then he responds in a muted voice:
"It's... complicated to explain. Basically, my brain processes certain information differently than most people's. That makes social interactions, non-verbal language, that kind of thing difficult for me."
I nod slowly, trying to better understand his condition.
"And is that... bad?" I ask with genuine curiosity. "I mean, does it cause you problems or anything?"
He siffly shrugs.
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the situation. In academics and work it's usually an advantage, because I can focus really well on logical, repetitive tasks. But socially... well, let's just say it's not my strong suit."
I observe him closely, noticing how he averts his masked gaze. I can imagine the discomfort and vulnerability he must be feeling opening up like this.
"Hey, you don't have to be ashamed, okay?" I say softly. "I think it's admirable that you can be so honest about it. Most pred- I mean, humans, would probably do everything possible to hide it, right?"
Daniel lets out a slight huff through the mask, a metallic and distorted sound that could almost be mistaken for a bitter laugh.
"Now, I guess not, but it's ironic, don't you think?" he comments with a tinge of bitterness. "In prehistoric times, someone like me might have been abandoned or devoured for not fitting in with the tribe or group.
"But now... well, it seems I might not fit in anywhere at this rate, or maybe I'm exaggerating, but sometimes I don't know what to think. Because I don't want people to see me with pity or as someone who can't fend for themselves. It's messed up, because sometimes they see you in a condescending way, like you need help with everything all the time, when that's not always the case. I want to show the world, or the universe, that I can be myself without needing anyone's help to be me, that I can make it on my own without depending on anyone..."
After an awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey Daniel, I understand you don't like talking much about your... peculiarity," I say carefully. "But I want you to know you don't have to be ashamed of it with me, okay? I don't think any less of you for being... well, different."
Daniel shifts in his seat, his body language still slightly rigid and tense. I can imagine the discomfort he must be feeling, and I don't like it.
"It's not that I'm ashamed, exactly," he responds with apparent caution. "It's just that... sometimes I feel like people look at me with pity, you know? Like I need help with everything, when really most of the time I can fend for myself."
I nod slowly, trying to understand his perspective. I suppose for someone like him, who's probably used to dealing with prejudices and misunderstandings about his peculiarity, it must be frustrating to be treated in a condescending way.
But this time, he breaks the silence.
"Hey... there's something that's been on my mind," he admits hesitantly. "When you said you wouldn't let anyone hurt me, it sounded like you'd gone through a similar experience."
I swallow hard, feeling a lump in my throat. So he noticed. Well, I suppose it was inevitable he'd figure it out sooner or later, considering how perceptive he seems to be.
I guess it's time for me to tell my truth.
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Prologue
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Spanish Version (OG Version)
2024.05.17 20:46 dawnfire05 Am I an introverted ENFP or just an INFP with autism and memory problems?
The difficult thing for me when typing someone is when applying their neurodivergencies to the equation.
I very much feel like an INFP. I’ve typed as one for a while and vibe with my fellow INFPs, I relate to the struggles and the ways they think, I’m very introverted to the point of crippling social anxiety, even as a child I’d rather be alone with my cats than with friends or anything.
But there’s just one thing that has me still questioning my type 100%. It’s that Te/Si. Now, I know I’m not really a “healthy” INFP, I’m 24, I’m still working on myself, learning about myself, learning how to function with other people. My emotions can get way overblown, I don’t always take the opinions of other people seriously because they’re conflicting with my own values, and I can just get moody especially when faced with rejection. I’m new to learning about all of this stuff, but wouldn’t a “healthy” INFP have those sorts of things under control?
My Te/Si I think often can look like Ti. I’ve just spent some time learning about the differences between Te and Ti and I’m definitely utilizing Te, no question. But when in function with the Si and even the Ne, I think it can often look like Ti as I ponder the possibilities and new branching paths of something I’ve just learned about. I’m creative with what I learn about, but I’m not really changing any hard facts about anything, I’m just organizing information into new paths that open up new branches for me to explore and I just find that so absolutely enthralling. But being so emotionally driven, especially when faced with the fact that other people… gasp have opinions that differ from my own, I just don’t think I can be an INTP. My enjoyment of learning stuff and organizing information absolutely is not outweighing those emotions, no way no how.
So then, now that I feel I’ve ruled out INTP, that leaves me to ponder INFP or ENFP. Am I functioning through FiNeSiTe or NeFiTeSi?
I really don’t know how introversion (non MBTI type), social anxiety, autism, and memory problems play into figuring out my type. I enjoy my time alone. I do crave companionship, hence why I’m on Reddit to begin with I just wanna talk to people, but at the same time after that nice 30 min talk leave me alone for the rest of the day I’m watching tv. Even if I actually did enjoy the company of others, my crippling social anxiety gets in the way. I can even swing into paranoia when it gets bad enough. Then autism, analyzing things, categorizing things, hyperfixations, deep dives; how does this all affect the Te? And my memory problems…. If Si is supposed to be your memory bank, how can I fully utilize it when I have a difficult time recalling an event or conversation outside of just a pitiful handful of vague concepts, or a memory has been nearly lost to me completely? I know that Si affects my Fi, my history is just going to impact my other cognitive functions regardless. But it’s hard to judge Si in myself in its entirety when a lot of the time it’s just a guess and a shoulder shrug on what I have experienced before.
I do, however, and I say this to everyone, have emotional memories. Nearly all of my memories are emotions based. I can apply visuals, but I’m always in 3rd person. It’s really the feeling of something that I remember, that my Si seems to remember. Terrible at all the rest, but man can I remember the hurt sometimes.
Sorry for the ramble. Just trying to figure this all out. Writing sometimes helps me to organize my thoughts a bit more so I got carried away introspecting.
submitted by dawnfire05 to ENFP [link] [comments]
I very much feel like an INFP. I’ve typed as one for a while and vibe with my fellow INFPs, I relate to the struggles and the ways they think, I’m very introverted to the point of crippling social anxiety, even as a child I’d rather be alone with my cats than with friends or anything.
But there’s just one thing that has me still questioning my type 100%. It’s that Te/Si. Now, I know I’m not really a “healthy” INFP, I’m 24, I’m still working on myself, learning about myself, learning how to function with other people. My emotions can get way overblown, I don’t always take the opinions of other people seriously because they’re conflicting with my own values, and I can just get moody especially when faced with rejection. I’m new to learning about all of this stuff, but wouldn’t a “healthy” INFP have those sorts of things under control?
My Te/Si I think often can look like Ti. I’ve just spent some time learning about the differences between Te and Ti and I’m definitely utilizing Te, no question. But when in function with the Si and even the Ne, I think it can often look like Ti as I ponder the possibilities and new branching paths of something I’ve just learned about. I’m creative with what I learn about, but I’m not really changing any hard facts about anything, I’m just organizing information into new paths that open up new branches for me to explore and I just find that so absolutely enthralling. But being so emotionally driven, especially when faced with the fact that other people… gasp have opinions that differ from my own, I just don’t think I can be an INTP. My enjoyment of learning stuff and organizing information absolutely is not outweighing those emotions, no way no how.
So then, now that I feel I’ve ruled out INTP, that leaves me to ponder INFP or ENFP. Am I functioning through FiNeSiTe or NeFiTeSi?
- my opinions are emotionally grounded, and my end all be all, but I can be swayed with enough facts, evidence, or a heartfelt story. But, if someone bumps up hard against one of my foundational beliefs, then I am going to have some serious beef with that person. I also am very sensitive, and will stew for hours, days, or even weeks on some emotional slight against me. Dealing with people is just so hard sometimes (especially when it’s reddit 😮💨).
- I’m definitely using my Ne a lot. I love to explore the “what ifs”, especially with my ENTP bf. And when using my other cognitive functions outside of Fi, I’m sorta creating this map from all of this stuff that I’ve learned, experienced, and just felt. Though I have to write it out visually to really understand it in full, lol.
- I love understanding how something functions. I want to know how something logically will function, I don’t really like doing deep exploration, I prefer to be given the facts and make connections between those (and how they relate to people, in the case of psychology, since it’s what I like to understand). Anatomical diagrams are fun, seeing every single different structure, then understanding how they all need each other and shape each other, that’s my kind of stuff and that’s how my brain likes to think with it’s logic.
- I’m quite reclusive, and emotionally driven as I’ve said. Doesn’t mean I can’t be talked out of an emotion, but I’ll definitely still feel it and react to it and stew even if logically I can say to myself “I’m being ridiculous”. Is this stronger than my Ne? I feel like I’m always trying to find the solution to something, making it function the best it possibly can minimally, but also accommodate for everyone at the same time. It’s really what I enjoy doing the best. I feel in my interpersonal life my emotions drive me but I don’t just blindly act on them (once I’m out of the moment), but the things that I enjoy the most are definitely just exploring how to make things function to the best of their capabilities especially theoretical ideas. Speculative evolution is a good example, having the knowledge of how animals and space functions to such a high degree that I can build a plausible alien organism is just a fun night in for me.
I really don’t know how introversion (non MBTI type), social anxiety, autism, and memory problems play into figuring out my type. I enjoy my time alone. I do crave companionship, hence why I’m on Reddit to begin with I just wanna talk to people, but at the same time after that nice 30 min talk leave me alone for the rest of the day I’m watching tv. Even if I actually did enjoy the company of others, my crippling social anxiety gets in the way. I can even swing into paranoia when it gets bad enough. Then autism, analyzing things, categorizing things, hyperfixations, deep dives; how does this all affect the Te? And my memory problems…. If Si is supposed to be your memory bank, how can I fully utilize it when I have a difficult time recalling an event or conversation outside of just a pitiful handful of vague concepts, or a memory has been nearly lost to me completely? I know that Si affects my Fi, my history is just going to impact my other cognitive functions regardless. But it’s hard to judge Si in myself in its entirety when a lot of the time it’s just a guess and a shoulder shrug on what I have experienced before.
I do, however, and I say this to everyone, have emotional memories. Nearly all of my memories are emotions based. I can apply visuals, but I’m always in 3rd person. It’s really the feeling of something that I remember, that my Si seems to remember. Terrible at all the rest, but man can I remember the hurt sometimes.
Sorry for the ramble. Just trying to figure this all out. Writing sometimes helps me to organize my thoughts a bit more so I got carried away introspecting.
2024.05.17 20:44 dawnfire05 Am I an introverted ENFP or just an INFP with autism and memory problems?
The difficult thing for me when typing someone is when applying their neurodivergencies to the equation.
I very much feel like an INFP. I vibe with my fellow INFPs, I relate to the struggles and the ways they think, I’m very introverted to the point of crippling social anxiety, even as a child I’d rather be alone with my cats than with friends or anything.
But there’s just one thing that has me still questioning my type 100%. It’s that Te/Si. Now, I know I’m not really a “healthy” INFP, I’m 24, I’m still working on myself, learning about myself, learning how to function with other people. My emotions can get way overblown, I don’t always take the opinions of other people seriously because they’re conflicting with my own values, and I can just get moody especially when faced with rejection. I’m new to learning about all of this stuff, but wouldn’t a “healthy” INFP have those sorts of things under control?
My Te/Si I think often can look like Ti. I’ve just spent some time learning about the differences between Te and Ti and I’m definitely utilizing Te, no question. But when in function with the Si and even the Ne, I think it can often look like Ti as I ponder the possibilities and new branching paths of something I’ve just learned about. I’m creative with what I learn about, but I’m not really changing any hard facts about anything, I’m just organizing information into new paths that open up new branches for me to explore and I just find that so absolutely enthralling. But being so emotionally driven, especially when faced with the fact that other people… gasp have opinions that differ from my own, I just don’t think I can be an INTP. My enjoyment of learning stuff and organizing information absolutely is not outweighing those emotions, no way no how.
So then, now that I feel I’ve ruled out INTP, that leaves me to ponder INFP or ENFP. Am I functioning through FiNeSiTe or NeFiTeSi?
I really don’t know how introversion (non MBTI type), social anxiety, autism, and memory problems play into figuring out my type. I enjoy my time alone. I do crave companionship, hence why I’m on Reddit to begin with I just wanna talk to people, but at the same time after that nice 30 min talk leave me alone for the rest of the day I’m watching tv. Even if I actually did enjoy the company of others, my crippling social anxiety gets in the way. I can even swing into paranoia when it gets bad enough. Then autism, analyzing things, categorizing things, hyperfixations, deep dives; how does this all affect the Te? And my memory problems…. If Si is supposed to be your memory bank, how can I fully utilize it when I have a difficult time recalling an event or conversation outside of just a pitiful handful of vague concepts, or a memory has been nearly lost to me completely? I know that Si affects my Fi, my history is just going to impact my other cognitive functions regardless. But it’s hard to judge Si in myself in its entirety when a lot of the time it’s just a guess and a shoulder shrug on what I have experienced before.
I do, however, and I say this to everyone, have emotional memories. Nearly all of my memories are emotions based. I can apply visuals, but I’m always in 3rd person. It’s really the feeling of something that I remember, that my Si seems to remember. Terrible at all the rest, but man can I remember the hurt sometimes.
Sorry for the ramble. Just trying to figure this all out. Writing sometimes helps me to organize my thoughts a bit more so I got carried away introspecting.
submitted by dawnfire05 to infp [link] [comments]
I very much feel like an INFP. I vibe with my fellow INFPs, I relate to the struggles and the ways they think, I’m very introverted to the point of crippling social anxiety, even as a child I’d rather be alone with my cats than with friends or anything.
But there’s just one thing that has me still questioning my type 100%. It’s that Te/Si. Now, I know I’m not really a “healthy” INFP, I’m 24, I’m still working on myself, learning about myself, learning how to function with other people. My emotions can get way overblown, I don’t always take the opinions of other people seriously because they’re conflicting with my own values, and I can just get moody especially when faced with rejection. I’m new to learning about all of this stuff, but wouldn’t a “healthy” INFP have those sorts of things under control?
My Te/Si I think often can look like Ti. I’ve just spent some time learning about the differences between Te and Ti and I’m definitely utilizing Te, no question. But when in function with the Si and even the Ne, I think it can often look like Ti as I ponder the possibilities and new branching paths of something I’ve just learned about. I’m creative with what I learn about, but I’m not really changing any hard facts about anything, I’m just organizing information into new paths that open up new branches for me to explore and I just find that so absolutely enthralling. But being so emotionally driven, especially when faced with the fact that other people… gasp have opinions that differ from my own, I just don’t think I can be an INTP. My enjoyment of learning stuff and organizing information absolutely is not outweighing those emotions, no way no how.
So then, now that I feel I’ve ruled out INTP, that leaves me to ponder INFP or ENFP. Am I functioning through FiNeSiTe or NeFiTeSi?
- my opinions are emotionally grounded, and my end all be all, but I can be swayed with enough facts, evidence, or a heartfelt story. But, if someone bumps up hard against one of my foundational beliefs, then I am going to have some serious beef with that person. I also am very sensitive, and will stew for hours, days, or even weeks on some emotional slight against me. Dealing with people is just so hard sometimes (especially when it’s reddit 😮💨).
- I’m definitely using my Ne a lot. I love to explore the “what ifs”, especially with my ENTP bf. And when using my other cognitive functions outside of Fi, I’m sorta creating this map from all of this stuff that I’ve learned, experienced, and just felt. Though I have to write it out visually to really understand it in full, lol.
- I love understanding how something functions. I want to know how something logically will function, I don’t really like doing deep exploration, I prefer to be given the facts and make connections between those (and how they relate to people, in the case of psychology, since it’s what I like to understand). Anatomical diagrams are fun, seeing every single different structure, then understanding how they all need each other and shape each other, that’s my kind of stuff and that’s how my brain likes to think with it’s logic.
- I’m quite reclusive, and emotionally driven as I’ve said. Doesn’t mean I can’t be talked out of an emotion, but I’ll definitely still feel it and react to it and stew even if logically I can say to myself “I’m being ridiculous”. Is this stronger than my Ne? I feel like I’m always trying to find the solution to something, making it function the best it possibly can minimally, but also accommodate for everyone at the same time. It’s really what I enjoy doing the best. I feel in my interpersonal life my emotions drive me but I don’t just blindly act on them (once I’m out of the moment), but the things that I enjoy the most are definitely just exploring how to make things function to the best of their capabilities especially theoretical ideas. Speculative evolution is a good example, having the knowledge of how animals and space functions to such a high degree that I can build a plausible alien organism is just a fun night in for me.
I really don’t know how introversion (non MBTI type), social anxiety, autism, and memory problems play into figuring out my type. I enjoy my time alone. I do crave companionship, hence why I’m on Reddit to begin with I just wanna talk to people, but at the same time after that nice 30 min talk leave me alone for the rest of the day I’m watching tv. Even if I actually did enjoy the company of others, my crippling social anxiety gets in the way. I can even swing into paranoia when it gets bad enough. Then autism, analyzing things, categorizing things, hyperfixations, deep dives; how does this all affect the Te? And my memory problems…. If Si is supposed to be your memory bank, how can I fully utilize it when I have a difficult time recalling an event or conversation outside of just a pitiful handful of vague concepts, or a memory has been nearly lost to me completely? I know that Si affects my Fi, my history is just going to impact my other cognitive functions regardless. But it’s hard to judge Si in myself in its entirety when a lot of the time it’s just a guess and a shoulder shrug on what I have experienced before.
I do, however, and I say this to everyone, have emotional memories. Nearly all of my memories are emotions based. I can apply visuals, but I’m always in 3rd person. It’s really the feeling of something that I remember, that my Si seems to remember. Terrible at all the rest, but man can I remember the hurt sometimes.
Sorry for the ramble. Just trying to figure this all out. Writing sometimes helps me to organize my thoughts a bit more so I got carried away introspecting.
2024.05.17 19:55 VeryUnluckyDice Changing Times Ch9 - Pianissimo
Playing By Ear
Bloodhound Saga
Wakeup Super
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Memory transcription subject: Bonti, Yotul Pre-Med Student (Second Term) White Hill University
Date [standardized human time]: November 5th, 2136
My eyes felt dry as I stared at my pad. Once more, I read over the words in front of me, and once more, I felt lost.
I just don’t understand what it’s saying here. It’s reverse osmosis, but which part of the cell is undergoing the reaction here? They could have phrased this better.
I flipped between the virtual textbook and my notes. My brain was starting to feel like mush after everything I'd put it through over the last claw. I didn’t expect the work to be so extensive, and I regretted putting it off with each new thing I jotted down.
At least I made sure she was alright. It was worth the inconvenience.
I'd stayed with Lanyd for a couple paws after the broadcast, waiting for everything outside to calm down. It was a little strange to be back on her couch again. I couldn’t help but feel like I spent just as much time sleeping there as I did in my own bed. It wasn’t my intention to impose on her so much; I had an apartment of my own, but, unfortunately, crazy shit seemed to just pop up like clockwork.
I probably should have gone home sooner, but she got nervous when I suggested it was safe enough for me to leave…
We passed the time listening to Human music, trying to push the chaos of the reveal to the back of our minds. I wished that I had my guitar to play along, but I'd brought nothing but my pad along with me. Instead, I listened as Lanyd accompanied with both her flytser and her keyboard. Her skills never ceased to amaze me, and I found myself distracted more often than not…ignoring my responsibilities…
Enlek certainly didn't slow down even a little. Not that I really expected him to. That old bastard really doesn't waste any time.
All my other classes had dialed the workload back after the broadcast, giving the students a chance to process everything. It wasn't just my classes either. Lanyd’s courses were the same. Professor Haeli recorded some mini-lectures, but that was all she did.
Professor Enlek, however, took the world-shattering news in stride, and he seemed to expect everyone else to do the same.
That man won’t let a single damn thing get in the way of his teaching process.
So, after being less than productive during all the chaos, I now had catching up to do. Finally, I was starting to near the end of Enlek’s assignments. Or, rather, I was trying. The last few chapters were a slog, and when I messaged the prof to ask for clarification on certain topics, he only repeated that it was already covered in the reading.
Ah, yes, of course. I simply forgot to try and comprehend what I was reading! Silly me. I was just letting the words imprint themselves on my eyeballs.
Then again, my sarcasm was probably pretty damn close to reality. I doubted the subject was as complex as I made it out to be, but, by that point, my brain was barely functional. The fatigue was no doubt obscuring the obvious. I’d been going at it pretty much nonstop since I got back to my apartment, no time for breaks.
It was a shame, too. Brad was in town just the paw before, but I couldn’t make the time to see him without putting off my schoolwork even longer than I already had. I knew there would be more opportunities to see him in the future, but I still kicked myself for missing that one.
I wouldn’t be so behind if I’d kept track of my work. Lanyd was fine, but I was focused on her the entire time instead of my assignments…
Of course, I didn’t blame Lanyd for my predicament. It was my own decision to go check on her, my own decision to stay, and my own decision to fret over her when she was actually okay. In truth, I was glad that my worrying wasn’t needed. She’d been a little out of sorts lately, and I was afraid that the broadcast would make things worse. All was well, however, and I should’ve focused on my own responsibilities sooner.
I continued to stare at the text in front of me. I’d been wall-eyed at it for the last few minutes, yet I hadn’t processed any of it.
Honestly, this whole chapter has felt like gibberish to me. I didn’t expect molecular biology to be easy by any means, but sheesh. Is it fatigue, or am I just not understanding it? An extra pair of eyes on this would be nice…
Just then, I realized how stupid I was. There was an extra set of eyes I could use. I swiped the virtual textbook away and looked for Tenseli's contact. The Zurulian was supposed to be my study buddy, but I hadn't talked to him at all since the broadcast. The whole thing had me more frazzled than Lanyd I supposed.
I found Tenseli’s contact and tapped to give him a call. Part of me wondered if he’d even pick up. I had no idea how he might have taken the news. To be honest, I didn’t really know much about the guy. He seemed nice enough, but he kind of approached me out of nowhere.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to speculate for long. The Zurulian’s face appeared on my pad. His ears were perked up and he seemed in high spirits.
“Hey, Tenseli,” I greeted. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much with all the lectures still canceled,” he chuckled. “I finished trudging through Enlek’s assignments last paw, though I’m guessing you haven’t?”
“Nope,” I admitted. “I was keeping tabs on a friend after the broadcast and…I might have put off my schoolwork.”
“I can’t really blame you. Do you need a helping paw?”
“Yeah, I’m feeling stumped here on chapter six. I get the process with the cells’ reverse osmosis, but I don’t really get the phrasing on this part. Which compound is undergoing the reaction?”
“Hold on. Let me get the text pulled up. Which section are you looking at?”
“Section 6.1.2.”
There was a pause as Tenseli moved to the specified text. Once he got there, understanding flashed through his features.
“Oh yeah. This part felt unclear to me as well. I ended up sending a message to Professor Enlek about it. He was able to explain it better.”
That gave me a bit of pause.
“Really? When I messaged him, he just told me it was in the text. You actually got some clarification out of him?”
Telensi gave me a look of confusion.
“Yes, he was quite thorough. Enlek has been very helpful in my experience. I’ve been asking him to elaborate on topics since the course began. He’s always given me an in-depth answer.”
“Huh. Well, this is the first time I’ve contacted him. Maybe I just caught him at a bad time. If both of us were confused by that part, I bet a lot of others were too. He probably got tired of answering the same questions over and over again.”
“That makes sense,” Telensi agreed. “Especially since you’re likely one of the last ones to ask.”
Once again, I internally kicked myself for not starting on my assignments sooner.
Damn my procrastination.
“Well, it’s a good thing I have you,” I chuckled. “Think you could walk me through this?”
“Of course! But…it might be kind of hard to do it over a call like this. Do you want to meet up in person? I can show you some of the diagrams I drew.”
“That works,” I replied. “I’ll send you my address.”
I tapped out a message and waited to make sure he received it. After a moment, I heard the ping of his pad, and his ears perked up in response.
“Got it. Alright, I’ll head right over.”
“Sweet. Sorry to drag you out for this.”
“Ah, it’s no issue. It’s not like I have anything worthwhile to do right now anyway. Not with so many businesses still closed. See you in a bit.”
With that, the call disconnected and I set my pad back down on the table. Hopefully, with Tenseli’s help, I could finally get through this roadblock in my work. Since I had to wait for him anyway, I decided it would be a good time for a break. I’d have an easier time learning if I was fully present when he arrived.
With a tired sigh, I stood up from my seat and started stretching each part of my body.
Ugh, I’ve been sitting too long. I’m so stiff. Maybe I should do something a little more tactile.
I turned my attention to the case that held my new guitar. I’d barely had a chance to play it since Kila gave it to me. Between the start of my classes, the campus tours, and, most recently, Cilany’s broadcast, I was extremely short on free time.
Even now, I couldn’t play it for long, but it was better than sitting there doing nothing.
I picked the case up, placed it on the table, flipped up the latches, and slowly opened it wide. The matte black body of the instrument stared up at me from inside. Light glistened off the silver pickups. It was a beautiful instrument, and I once again found myself impressed with Kila’s craftsmanship.
I pulled the guitar out of the case and tossed the strap over my shoulder. It handled a little differently from a plehr, but it was actually very similar to the Yotul glesta as well as the Letian yilik. The former was actually fretted like a guitar, but it pertained to the thirty-one tone division of the ‘octave’, unlike the Human’s twelve tone system or the Venlil’s twenty-four tone system. The yilik was fretless, but it had an almost identical body shape to the guitar. I had both a glesta and yilik in my collection, though neither were as well-built as what Kila had made.
I plucked out a few notes, just one at a time to get my claws moving. Once they were loose, I ran up and down a few scales, then started switching between chord shapes.
Without the instrument being plugged into the amp, it wasn’t very loud or imposing, but I could still hear the distorted sound in my mind. My claws moved up and down the fretboard, ‘calibrating’ themselves to the space between each fret. After learning so many similar instruments, I always took a moment during my warmup to acclimate myself to the way everything was spaced out.
Once I felt loose, I started picking my way through some simple songs, passing the time until Tenseli arrived.
-
Memory transcription subject: Lanyd, Venlil Music Student (Second Term) White Hill University
Date [standardized human time]: November 5th, 2136
I tapped at the keys of my keyboard, feeling my claws gradually acclimate to the device. It felt familiar to the flytser, yet different. When I played them in close succession, it was like stepping into an anti-grav chamber, as though my whole way of thinking had to adjust.
That wasn't the only thing making me feel that way.
It felt quiet without Bonti around. Actually, it seemed that way ever since he stayed with me over the break. But, now that he'd stayed here again, the feeling returned in full.
What's more, that weird sensation of off-ness hadn't gone away either. It wasn't any more prominent than before, nor was it lessened. The same void continued to haunt me all the same.
Oddly enough, Cilany’s broadcast seemed almost unimportant to me. All my distractions came from within. And yet, they weren't the kind of thoughts that left me quivering with anxiety. everything just felt…confusing…
It's like a piece is missing, but I just can't tell what it is.
I cringed as I struck a wrong tone and sighed. My next session with Dr. Jacobson was about to begin, but I didn't really know what to say to him. We'd talked about this feeling the last time, as well as the time before, yet we never came any closer to determining the cause.
My anxious spirals were much easier to recognize. At least, they became more recognizable once I started writing down my experiences. I could tell where they originated from, and I could follow them back to the source. Sometimes the bad thoughts still got the better of me, but at least I was more aware of them.
This feeling, on the other paw, was more of an absence. There was a gap somewhere, and I couldn't figure out what was supposed to fill it. It nagged at me no matter where I was or who I was with. Some part of me was always unfulfilled.
I wish my brain came with an instruction manual. It shouldn't be this difficult to process my own thoughts.
As if to reply to reassure me, my pad began to ring. I knew it was Dr. Jacobson before I even looked at the screen. The time for our session had finally rolled around. The human therapist wasn’t a brain instruction manual, but he did give me more direction than I’d ever had before. I owed him a lot, much more than what he charged monetarily.
Maybe I could ship him a gift at some point, just something to show my appreciation.
I tapped to accept the call and Dr. Jacobson’s face appeared on the screen.
“Good paw, Lanyd,” he greeted. “It seems a lot has happened since our last session.”
I supposed that was an understatement. We hadn’t spoken since Cilany’s broadcast, and that was large enough that even Humans on Earth knew what had transpired.
“It’s certainly been eventful,” I agreed. “Though, to be honest, it…didn’t really affect me much. Something has always felt wrong to me, so I guess I wasn’t all that surprised. Things still feel wrong, but I know that’s just how I normally think anyway.”
“Ideally, we’ll be able to remedy that,” Dr. Jacobson replied. “We can at least make the doubt feel less everpresent. Though, by the sounds of things, you’re still feeling that emptiness?”
“I don’t know if I can even call it that,” I sighed. “There’s something lacking, but…I don’t know. Can I even call it emptiness if there’s never been anything there before? I d-don’t know what to make of m-my own thoughts and feelings. I just know that s-something’s missing.”
I focused on the feeling of my paws on the keyboard. It was slowly becoming as effective as the flytser in anchoring me. I liked to think that it meant I was getting comfortable with the instrument, one positive in the sea of unsurity.
“There’s been no recent changes then?” Dr. Jacobson asked.
“No.”
“Hmmm…Is there a chance it might be a physical ailment? I’m unfamiliar with Venlil biology. Perhaps your body expresses problems in a way that doesn’t pertain to Humans?”
“Well…” I pondered the question. “I could probably stand to eat better, but Bonti cooked when he stayed here for a short while. Those meals were plenty nutritious, and I still felt the same way then. Maybe it could be all the walking from the tours? I would think that would improve my health though. I don’t have shortlung…”
“You may want to undergo a physical checkup just in case,” Dr. Jacobson suggested. “At least we can rule it out then.”
I flicked my ears in agreement. His practical approach always surprised me with its simplicity. In times where I got wrapped up in my internal struggles, he had a way of focusing me on present action. Truth be told, I didn’t think the problem stemmed from my physical health, but I hadn’t even considered it until he mentioned it.
That’s the difference, the motion that keeps me from stagnating.
“Is there anything else on your mind?” Dr. Jacobson snapped me from my introspection.
“Well…I agreed to p-play at the new jazz lounge. I’m a little n-nervous about it.”
“Oh? That sounds quite nice, actually! Why don’t you tell me about it?”
And so, the session continued on…
-
Memory transcription subject: Bonti, Yotul Pre-Med Student (Second Term) White Hill University
Date [standardized human time]: November 5th, 2136
My song was interrupted by a knock on the door. As much as I dreaded throwing myself back to my schoolwork, I was equally happy to know Tenseli had arrived. Hopefully, I could get past the trouble areas and catch back up before lectures resumed.
I set my guitar to the side and moved to open the door. As it swung open, I had to tilt my head down to look at the Zurulian.
I swear, I always expect them to be just a little taller.
“I’m here!” he gave a little hop in place. “Sorry for the wait!”
“No problem. I’m just glad you were available. Come on in.”
Tenseli obliged, zipping inside without hesitation.
“The campus is starting to get more active,” he slung his bag off of his shoulder. “It’s still kind of eerie though. Those first few paws after the broadcast were just…”
He shuddered in place of that last word.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I’ve never seen White Hill so…dead, even during the break.”
“Well, classes are starting again soon. Hopefully it breathes life back into this-.”
Tenseli stopped as he rounded the edge of the couch, one eye focused on the guitar seated upon it.
“This is a guitar,” his voice was softer. “A Human instrument…”
“Yeah, I’ve been learning,” I replied. “A Human friend of mine has been teaching me. You know, the woman that played guitar and sang in the concert last term? I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to string instruments. Plucked strings, anyway.”
Tenseli’s focus remained on the instrument, unwavering.
“I actually thought about getting one of these from that engineering club, but I don’t know that I could even reach my way down the whole neck. It would be nice to see for myself though.”
“You can try your paw at playing that one,” I offered. “We should study first, of course, but you can totally take a crack at it after the fact.”
“I think I’ll take you up on that,” Tenseli signed agreement. “We’ll consider it payment for me coming over here to help you.”
I scoffed and shook my head.
“You didn’t mention a need for payment before!”
“I didn’t know you had a guitar before!”
“Pfft, whatever. Study first, music later.”
“Right!” the Zurulian unzipped his bag and drew his pad from within. “Let’s get started then!”
-
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Bloodhound Saga
Wakeup Super
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Memory transcription subject: Bonti, Yotul Pre-Med Student (Second Term) White Hill University
Date [standardized human time]: November 5th, 2136
My eyes felt dry as I stared at my pad. Once more, I read over the words in front of me, and once more, I felt lost.
I just don’t understand what it’s saying here. It’s reverse osmosis, but which part of the cell is undergoing the reaction here? They could have phrased this better.
I flipped between the virtual textbook and my notes. My brain was starting to feel like mush after everything I'd put it through over the last claw. I didn’t expect the work to be so extensive, and I regretted putting it off with each new thing I jotted down.
At least I made sure she was alright. It was worth the inconvenience.
I'd stayed with Lanyd for a couple paws after the broadcast, waiting for everything outside to calm down. It was a little strange to be back on her couch again. I couldn’t help but feel like I spent just as much time sleeping there as I did in my own bed. It wasn’t my intention to impose on her so much; I had an apartment of my own, but, unfortunately, crazy shit seemed to just pop up like clockwork.
I probably should have gone home sooner, but she got nervous when I suggested it was safe enough for me to leave…
We passed the time listening to Human music, trying to push the chaos of the reveal to the back of our minds. I wished that I had my guitar to play along, but I'd brought nothing but my pad along with me. Instead, I listened as Lanyd accompanied with both her flytser and her keyboard. Her skills never ceased to amaze me, and I found myself distracted more often than not…ignoring my responsibilities…
Enlek certainly didn't slow down even a little. Not that I really expected him to. That old bastard really doesn't waste any time.
All my other classes had dialed the workload back after the broadcast, giving the students a chance to process everything. It wasn't just my classes either. Lanyd’s courses were the same. Professor Haeli recorded some mini-lectures, but that was all she did.
Professor Enlek, however, took the world-shattering news in stride, and he seemed to expect everyone else to do the same.
That man won’t let a single damn thing get in the way of his teaching process.
So, after being less than productive during all the chaos, I now had catching up to do. Finally, I was starting to near the end of Enlek’s assignments. Or, rather, I was trying. The last few chapters were a slog, and when I messaged the prof to ask for clarification on certain topics, he only repeated that it was already covered in the reading.
Ah, yes, of course. I simply forgot to try and comprehend what I was reading! Silly me. I was just letting the words imprint themselves on my eyeballs.
Then again, my sarcasm was probably pretty damn close to reality. I doubted the subject was as complex as I made it out to be, but, by that point, my brain was barely functional. The fatigue was no doubt obscuring the obvious. I’d been going at it pretty much nonstop since I got back to my apartment, no time for breaks.
It was a shame, too. Brad was in town just the paw before, but I couldn’t make the time to see him without putting off my schoolwork even longer than I already had. I knew there would be more opportunities to see him in the future, but I still kicked myself for missing that one.
I wouldn’t be so behind if I’d kept track of my work. Lanyd was fine, but I was focused on her the entire time instead of my assignments…
Of course, I didn’t blame Lanyd for my predicament. It was my own decision to go check on her, my own decision to stay, and my own decision to fret over her when she was actually okay. In truth, I was glad that my worrying wasn’t needed. She’d been a little out of sorts lately, and I was afraid that the broadcast would make things worse. All was well, however, and I should’ve focused on my own responsibilities sooner.
I continued to stare at the text in front of me. I’d been wall-eyed at it for the last few minutes, yet I hadn’t processed any of it.
Honestly, this whole chapter has felt like gibberish to me. I didn’t expect molecular biology to be easy by any means, but sheesh. Is it fatigue, or am I just not understanding it? An extra pair of eyes on this would be nice…
Just then, I realized how stupid I was. There was an extra set of eyes I could use. I swiped the virtual textbook away and looked for Tenseli's contact. The Zurulian was supposed to be my study buddy, but I hadn't talked to him at all since the broadcast. The whole thing had me more frazzled than Lanyd I supposed.
I found Tenseli’s contact and tapped to give him a call. Part of me wondered if he’d even pick up. I had no idea how he might have taken the news. To be honest, I didn’t really know much about the guy. He seemed nice enough, but he kind of approached me out of nowhere.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to speculate for long. The Zurulian’s face appeared on my pad. His ears were perked up and he seemed in high spirits.
“Hey, Tenseli,” I greeted. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much with all the lectures still canceled,” he chuckled. “I finished trudging through Enlek’s assignments last paw, though I’m guessing you haven’t?”
“Nope,” I admitted. “I was keeping tabs on a friend after the broadcast and…I might have put off my schoolwork.”
“I can’t really blame you. Do you need a helping paw?”
“Yeah, I’m feeling stumped here on chapter six. I get the process with the cells’ reverse osmosis, but I don’t really get the phrasing on this part. Which compound is undergoing the reaction?”
“Hold on. Let me get the text pulled up. Which section are you looking at?”
“Section 6.1.2.”
There was a pause as Tenseli moved to the specified text. Once he got there, understanding flashed through his features.
“Oh yeah. This part felt unclear to me as well. I ended up sending a message to Professor Enlek about it. He was able to explain it better.”
That gave me a bit of pause.
“Really? When I messaged him, he just told me it was in the text. You actually got some clarification out of him?”
Telensi gave me a look of confusion.
“Yes, he was quite thorough. Enlek has been very helpful in my experience. I’ve been asking him to elaborate on topics since the course began. He’s always given me an in-depth answer.”
“Huh. Well, this is the first time I’ve contacted him. Maybe I just caught him at a bad time. If both of us were confused by that part, I bet a lot of others were too. He probably got tired of answering the same questions over and over again.”
“That makes sense,” Telensi agreed. “Especially since you’re likely one of the last ones to ask.”
Once again, I internally kicked myself for not starting on my assignments sooner.
Damn my procrastination.
“Well, it’s a good thing I have you,” I chuckled. “Think you could walk me through this?”
“Of course! But…it might be kind of hard to do it over a call like this. Do you want to meet up in person? I can show you some of the diagrams I drew.”
“That works,” I replied. “I’ll send you my address.”
I tapped out a message and waited to make sure he received it. After a moment, I heard the ping of his pad, and his ears perked up in response.
“Got it. Alright, I’ll head right over.”
“Sweet. Sorry to drag you out for this.”
“Ah, it’s no issue. It’s not like I have anything worthwhile to do right now anyway. Not with so many businesses still closed. See you in a bit.”
With that, the call disconnected and I set my pad back down on the table. Hopefully, with Tenseli’s help, I could finally get through this roadblock in my work. Since I had to wait for him anyway, I decided it would be a good time for a break. I’d have an easier time learning if I was fully present when he arrived.
With a tired sigh, I stood up from my seat and started stretching each part of my body.
Ugh, I’ve been sitting too long. I’m so stiff. Maybe I should do something a little more tactile.
I turned my attention to the case that held my new guitar. I’d barely had a chance to play it since Kila gave it to me. Between the start of my classes, the campus tours, and, most recently, Cilany’s broadcast, I was extremely short on free time.
Even now, I couldn’t play it for long, but it was better than sitting there doing nothing.
I picked the case up, placed it on the table, flipped up the latches, and slowly opened it wide. The matte black body of the instrument stared up at me from inside. Light glistened off the silver pickups. It was a beautiful instrument, and I once again found myself impressed with Kila’s craftsmanship.
I pulled the guitar out of the case and tossed the strap over my shoulder. It handled a little differently from a plehr, but it was actually very similar to the Yotul glesta as well as the Letian yilik. The former was actually fretted like a guitar, but it pertained to the thirty-one tone division of the ‘octave’, unlike the Human’s twelve tone system or the Venlil’s twenty-four tone system. The yilik was fretless, but it had an almost identical body shape to the guitar. I had both a glesta and yilik in my collection, though neither were as well-built as what Kila had made.
I plucked out a few notes, just one at a time to get my claws moving. Once they were loose, I ran up and down a few scales, then started switching between chord shapes.
Without the instrument being plugged into the amp, it wasn’t very loud or imposing, but I could still hear the distorted sound in my mind. My claws moved up and down the fretboard, ‘calibrating’ themselves to the space between each fret. After learning so many similar instruments, I always took a moment during my warmup to acclimate myself to the way everything was spaced out.
Once I felt loose, I started picking my way through some simple songs, passing the time until Tenseli arrived.
-
Memory transcription subject: Lanyd, Venlil Music Student (Second Term) White Hill University
Date [standardized human time]: November 5th, 2136
I tapped at the keys of my keyboard, feeling my claws gradually acclimate to the device. It felt familiar to the flytser, yet different. When I played them in close succession, it was like stepping into an anti-grav chamber, as though my whole way of thinking had to adjust.
That wasn't the only thing making me feel that way.
It felt quiet without Bonti around. Actually, it seemed that way ever since he stayed with me over the break. But, now that he'd stayed here again, the feeling returned in full.
What's more, that weird sensation of off-ness hadn't gone away either. It wasn't any more prominent than before, nor was it lessened. The same void continued to haunt me all the same.
Oddly enough, Cilany’s broadcast seemed almost unimportant to me. All my distractions came from within. And yet, they weren't the kind of thoughts that left me quivering with anxiety. everything just felt…confusing…
It's like a piece is missing, but I just can't tell what it is.
I cringed as I struck a wrong tone and sighed. My next session with Dr. Jacobson was about to begin, but I didn't really know what to say to him. We'd talked about this feeling the last time, as well as the time before, yet we never came any closer to determining the cause.
My anxious spirals were much easier to recognize. At least, they became more recognizable once I started writing down my experiences. I could tell where they originated from, and I could follow them back to the source. Sometimes the bad thoughts still got the better of me, but at least I was more aware of them.
This feeling, on the other paw, was more of an absence. There was a gap somewhere, and I couldn't figure out what was supposed to fill it. It nagged at me no matter where I was or who I was with. Some part of me was always unfulfilled.
I wish my brain came with an instruction manual. It shouldn't be this difficult to process my own thoughts.
As if to reply to reassure me, my pad began to ring. I knew it was Dr. Jacobson before I even looked at the screen. The time for our session had finally rolled around. The human therapist wasn’t a brain instruction manual, but he did give me more direction than I’d ever had before. I owed him a lot, much more than what he charged monetarily.
Maybe I could ship him a gift at some point, just something to show my appreciation.
I tapped to accept the call and Dr. Jacobson’s face appeared on the screen.
“Good paw, Lanyd,” he greeted. “It seems a lot has happened since our last session.”
I supposed that was an understatement. We hadn’t spoken since Cilany’s broadcast, and that was large enough that even Humans on Earth knew what had transpired.
“It’s certainly been eventful,” I agreed. “Though, to be honest, it…didn’t really affect me much. Something has always felt wrong to me, so I guess I wasn’t all that surprised. Things still feel wrong, but I know that’s just how I normally think anyway.”
“Ideally, we’ll be able to remedy that,” Dr. Jacobson replied. “We can at least make the doubt feel less everpresent. Though, by the sounds of things, you’re still feeling that emptiness?”
“I don’t know if I can even call it that,” I sighed. “There’s something lacking, but…I don’t know. Can I even call it emptiness if there’s never been anything there before? I d-don’t know what to make of m-my own thoughts and feelings. I just know that s-something’s missing.”
I focused on the feeling of my paws on the keyboard. It was slowly becoming as effective as the flytser in anchoring me. I liked to think that it meant I was getting comfortable with the instrument, one positive in the sea of unsurity.
“There’s been no recent changes then?” Dr. Jacobson asked.
“No.”
“Hmmm…Is there a chance it might be a physical ailment? I’m unfamiliar with Venlil biology. Perhaps your body expresses problems in a way that doesn’t pertain to Humans?”
“Well…” I pondered the question. “I could probably stand to eat better, but Bonti cooked when he stayed here for a short while. Those meals were plenty nutritious, and I still felt the same way then. Maybe it could be all the walking from the tours? I would think that would improve my health though. I don’t have shortlung…”
“You may want to undergo a physical checkup just in case,” Dr. Jacobson suggested. “At least we can rule it out then.”
I flicked my ears in agreement. His practical approach always surprised me with its simplicity. In times where I got wrapped up in my internal struggles, he had a way of focusing me on present action. Truth be told, I didn’t think the problem stemmed from my physical health, but I hadn’t even considered it until he mentioned it.
That’s the difference, the motion that keeps me from stagnating.
“Is there anything else on your mind?” Dr. Jacobson snapped me from my introspection.
“Well…I agreed to p-play at the new jazz lounge. I’m a little n-nervous about it.”
“Oh? That sounds quite nice, actually! Why don’t you tell me about it?”
And so, the session continued on…
-
Memory transcription subject: Bonti, Yotul Pre-Med Student (Second Term) White Hill University
Date [standardized human time]: November 5th, 2136
My song was interrupted by a knock on the door. As much as I dreaded throwing myself back to my schoolwork, I was equally happy to know Tenseli had arrived. Hopefully, I could get past the trouble areas and catch back up before lectures resumed.
I set my guitar to the side and moved to open the door. As it swung open, I had to tilt my head down to look at the Zurulian.
I swear, I always expect them to be just a little taller.
“I’m here!” he gave a little hop in place. “Sorry for the wait!”
“No problem. I’m just glad you were available. Come on in.”
Tenseli obliged, zipping inside without hesitation.
“The campus is starting to get more active,” he slung his bag off of his shoulder. “It’s still kind of eerie though. Those first few paws after the broadcast were just…”
He shuddered in place of that last word.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I’ve never seen White Hill so…dead, even during the break.”
“Well, classes are starting again soon. Hopefully it breathes life back into this-.”
Tenseli stopped as he rounded the edge of the couch, one eye focused on the guitar seated upon it.
“This is a guitar,” his voice was softer. “A Human instrument…”
“Yeah, I’ve been learning,” I replied. “A Human friend of mine has been teaching me. You know, the woman that played guitar and sang in the concert last term? I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to string instruments. Plucked strings, anyway.”
Tenseli’s focus remained on the instrument, unwavering.
“I actually thought about getting one of these from that engineering club, but I don’t know that I could even reach my way down the whole neck. It would be nice to see for myself though.”
“You can try your paw at playing that one,” I offered. “We should study first, of course, but you can totally take a crack at it after the fact.”
“I think I’ll take you up on that,” Tenseli signed agreement. “We’ll consider it payment for me coming over here to help you.”
I scoffed and shook my head.
“You didn’t mention a need for payment before!”
“I didn’t know you had a guitar before!”
“Pfft, whatever. Study first, music later.”
“Right!” the Zurulian unzipped his bag and drew his pad from within. “Let’s get started then!”
-
First Prev Next
2024.05.17 08:41 CzeckeredBird AI "Brain" Diagrams
I saw an interview where Geoffrey Hinton says that we currently don't fully understand how the "mind" of an AI works. Which reminded me of this segment about Karl Sims' Virtual Creatures. He says that he doesn't fully understand how the evolved virtual creatures' brains work. However, he does have diagrams of their "brains." Their structure and symmetry are fascinating to me.
Question: Are there similar diagrams for chat bots or text-to-video generators? I just find these diagrams fun to look at and contemplate.
The interview with Karl Sims (circa 1995): https://youtu.be/WmrTNrtE-Lk?si=T7b2K1ps-7FAnF21&t=2m57s (timestamped at 2:57)
submitted by CzeckeredBird to ArtificialInteligence [link] [comments]
Question: Are there similar diagrams for chat bots or text-to-video generators? I just find these diagrams fun to look at and contemplate.
The interview with Karl Sims (circa 1995): https://youtu.be/WmrTNrtE-Lk?si=T7b2K1ps-7FAnF21&t=2m57s (timestamped at 2:57)
2024.05.14 09:34 Pimasterjimmy Tales of Zippy and Friends: Katniss the keeper of pens. (Boomer tries to get me fired for Handing her a sticker)(tw: suicide)
My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, so crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.
submitted by Pimasterjimmy to Talesofzippy [link] [comments]
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, so crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.
2024.05.14 09:29 Pimasterjimmy Tales of Zippy and Friends: Katniss the keeper of pens. (Boomer tries to get me fired for Handing her a sticker)(tw: suicide)
My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, do crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.
submitted by Pimasterjimmy to BoomersBeingFools [link] [comments]
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, do crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.
2024.05.13 15:56 Reggash A couple of translated design documents of the old S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2
 | . submitted by Reggash to stalker [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/l9t18q62z60d1.jpg?width=2892&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=306953da0d508e06e51bd6018db367784520e47e Here are some design documents of the cancelled sequel from 2011 that I haven't seen anyone translate. They come from an archive that was leaked in 2021 and are related to the second storyline that was written, in which Strelok would be the main character; its authors were Alexey Sytyanov (aka Koan) and Ruslan Didenko (aka Stohe) - developers who had previously worked on the trilogy (Koan left GSC in 2007, before the release of Shadow of Chernobyl, but in 2011 he returned to the studio to work on the sequel). The documents include: a brief timeline of events, a diagram of the goals/projects of the secret laboratories, and a short summary of the plot. The main materials related to this particular storyline, i.e. maps and a full scenario diagram, deserve separate posts due to the extensiveness of their content. Keep in mind that things described in these documents shouldn't be considered canon and have no connection with the sequel that is currently in development.
This diagram briefly shows the course of events related to the Zone, in particular those surrounding Strelok and his deeds. A few facts are worth noting; first of all, the date of birth of the Zone is indicated as April 12, 2006 - and that's how it was always supposed to be, but during the development of the series there were some inaccuracies and two completely different dates are given in Shadow of Chernobyl and Call of Pripyat. I made a separate post about this topic with more details. We can also find out that SIRCAA, i.e. Scientific Institute for Research of the Chernobyl Anomalous Area, the organization mentioned in the ending of Call of Pripyat (aka NIICHAZ; it will also play an important role in the upcoming sequel), was founded in early 2013, and after some time Strelok - who used to be its chief consultant - was expelled, and returned to the Zone in 2015, when the events of the sequel were supposed to take place. Another interesting fact that was never mentioned in the trilogy is that Strelok came to the Zone in 2009, while the phenomenon of stalking had already been present for a year. Leaving aside topics directly related to the plot, i.e. the reasons for Strelok's expulsion from SIRCAA and the mentioned 'pupation' of the center of the Zone, it's worth mentioning that the date of Strelok's second trip to the center is given as October 2011, while the prequel itself begins in September - this means that the events of Clear Sky took place within a month. Here is the original 'world_history' file.
This diagram shows what projects a specific laboratory/location was associated with; some of this information is mentioned in the trilogy, some confirm what one might have guessed. It also shows the order of discoveries leading to the creation of the Zone via the noosphere interference - it began with the study of psi-energy by the Group and an attempt to use it to influence something far away, which apparently resulted in the discovery of the noosphere, which then led to the creation of the C-Consciounsess project. Simultaneously, they researched the effects of psi-energy on living beings and its ability to cause mutations in them, as well as its influence on the human mind. It's also worth noting that the Brain Scorcher was first used for experiments on influencing behavior, and was later turned into a protection tool, most likely after the Zone was already created (for clarity - X10 and X19 are the same place, the name inconsistency probably comes from a typo during the development of Shadow of Chernobyl). SIRCAA is also marked here, but there's nothing related to it - the document may not have been finished. Here is the original 'zone_science' file.
https://preview.redd.it/bhciuk61u60d1.png?width=884&format=png&auto=webp&s=446d73dc65657aaed4c2862df2c9cd8c80ec5948 https://preview.redd.it/5ux0gxl0580d1.png?width=884&format=png&auto=webp&s=aedb6fec8c1d99b160c4a61629596a7a46f32174 As can be seen, the summary is very superficial, and only the beginning has some hints of detail. The plot itself was supposed to focus on Strelok returning to the Zone, which would be due to the fact that it started to expand - SIRCAA could seemingly prevent this, but later its secrets and true intentions would be revealed. The idea mentioned at the end deserves attention - the Zone itself helping the protagonist in some way is an interesting concept. Here is the original 'Synopsis_3' file. And that would be it. As I mentioned, there is also a main story diagram that goes into much more detail, but that's a topic for a separate post. |
2024.05.13 09:13 Mysterious_Band2737 Journey to a long healthy productive life-week 1
05/05/24 107.4 kg
12/05/24 104 kg
On Friday 03 May 2024 a FB Spam message catches my eye from MedExpress about several products including Mounjaro (MJ), the latest GLP-1 agonist. This offers benefits for NIDDM and weight loss and intuitively feels like something right for me. I read a little about it and complete their online questionnaire. Shortly afterwards I decide to order it. £149 for a month’s supply seems good value to me. The side effect profile looks good and my risk of a thyroid tumour which the lab rats got doesn’t feel very high! I do nevertheless note the things to keep an eye on for the weeks ahead. Later that day they ask me for proof of ID and a head to toe full length Selfie to confirm I am as obese as I say I am. Taking a full length Selfie proved logistically difficult but the large upstairs mirror saved the day. I am pleased that they take their Clinical Governance seriously having previously chaired the Trust’s CG Committee and my confidence in the online medication provider increases. Of note some online platforms confirm a minority of people who want to take these drugs for a couple of weeks before their summer holiday to shed a few pounds.
Royal Mail Special delivery arrives early on Saturday morning and I decide I will take my first dose on Sunday. Gabi and I share our dinner on Saturday and we enjoy sharing a nice bottle of red wine. I have had an interesting relationship with alcohol for most of my life, drinking more than was good for me. I have no idea what impact MJ will have on that but I am curious to find out.
First thing Sunday I weigh myself. I decide to weigh myself once a week to keep an objective record of my weight loss. Whilst I am hopeful of a number of health benefits, weight loss is top of the list. I don’t initially have a specific goal in mind but weighing in at 107.4 kg it is clear that I have plenty to lose although I am pleased to note I don’t feel under any pressure to have to lose it quickly or by a specific date. The clinical trials with MJ quote data up to 72 weeks and that helps set a realistic idea that this will take many months as a minimum.
The starting dose is low at 2.5mg which I inject in to my ample belly easily and with no pain. The instructions are clear and come with some helpful diagrams which allow me to inject myself with confidence. That might sound odd being a doctor by training. Two thoughts come to mind. Firstly I don’t recall ever giving a SC injection to a patient let alone myself. Secondly I want to get it right; a natural anxiety I suspect many people have when they undertake a new adventure and especially when it is one of great importance to them.
The first thing I notice is an almost immediate suppression of my appetite. I no longer feel hungry. Can this be possible I ask myself? This kicked in within an hour or so of my injection. The doctor in me wonders if this is a Placebo effect. Surely it can’t work that quickly? I quickly drop this thinking and simply embrace my gratitude for a new perspective on things and accepting that I am not hungry is all that matters to me.
I am pleased to report that not feeling hungry continued for the next five and a half days. On Friday evening before dinner I started to feel hungry for the first time that week. Nothing serious, just a healthy “normal” hunger which didn’t overwhelm me or tempt me to snack on my old favourites such as cheese or bread and butter peanut. No this was just an acknowledgment that it was time to eat something and I was glad when dinner was ready an hour or two later. A similar thing happened on Saturday evening and again this passed peacefully without any drama.
The second thing I have noticed all week is how quickly I feel full once I start eating. I am eating approximately half of my usual portion and if and when I have put more food on my plate than I need I have chosen to leave it. Significantly this again has been effortless, natural and has not attracted any conditioned thinking about wasting food, the starving children of the world or what by long deceased grandmother might have to say on the matter. My diet hasn’t changed radically and was always healthy. Everything is cooked fresh, very little processed food and very little sugar. I just ate too much before. I never had an off switch. MJ seems to have moved that internal switch for me and for that I am again very grateful. Are some people’s brains wired differently?
As an illustration of this Gabi wanted a BBQ on Saturday night. The menu consisted of Wagyu beef burgers, grilled halloumi, grilled avocado, grilled sweetcorn and vegetable kebabs. I cooked the dinner and we sat outside in some welcome sunshine. Despite being good beef, I found the meat greasy and unappetising so I left half of it. I had already decided not to have a bread roll. I enjoyed the avocado, some vegetables and one piece of halloumi. A few bites of the sweetcorn was enough. I was full and just stopped eating. There was left over cheese. I can assure you that has never happened before!
Another thing I have noticed is the sensation of feeling bloated, even after eating what for me are small portions. In reality my belly has already begun to shrink but nevertheless the sensation is there. That agin seems to have helped with my portion sizes as I feel physically full quickly as well as emotionally satisfied. Feeling full most of the time including for example when I wake up has meant I have been eating less often. Typically that has meant eating twice a day, usually a late morning brunch and then dinner around 6-7. I have found myself drawn to a high protein, low carb diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, seeds and nuts. On the odd occasion I was a little hungry mid afternoon, a few raw nuts or a piece of fruit hit the spot nicely. In general though my desire to snack has gone. I used to have a habit of wandering in to the kitchen for no apparent reason. I would literally catch myself in there looking for something to eat. I wasn’t hungry and sometimes I don’t remember how I ended up there but before I knew it another slice of cheese and bread with peanut butter would have been cut and quickly eaten. The aimless kitchen grazing has thankfully gone too.
Many people on the forums I have read talk about the absence of “food noise.” I don’t know what they mean by the term but I can guess. My own experience is that I no longer think about food. A ridiculous amount of mental energy was previously spent on all things food related. That is no longer the case. The internal chatter has gone. A second benefit for me is the lack of “alcohol noise.” I am not thinking about alcohol which again could and did occupy far too much bandwidth. I am curious to see how this develops. I haven’t committed to going alcohol free again at the moment but given how little I am eating, I wonder when a nice glass of wine is offered will I say yes? If so how will it taste, how much will I drink and crucially will it counteract the MJ and increase my appetite for food in general and/or the foods I am no longer interested in such as cheese?
Put more simply, having no food or alcohol noise has allowed me to live an even bigger percentage of my life with a quiet mind and beautiful feelings.
A quick note on side effects. Basically none. A slight change in bowel habit but nothing worthy of comment.
My relationship with food has changed. My relationship with my body feels different. My appetite feels very different to the extent that sometimes I have had to remember to eat. For the first time I can recall, food is just a thing in my life. It no longer has a hold over me, it is not bestowed with special powers it is a fuel to keep me alive and crucially I am drawn to the foodstuffs I know are good for me not simply because that’s what every Sunday newspaper tells me but because my own Wisdom and intuition guides me every day, moment by moment.
submitted by Mysterious_Band2737 to mounjarouk [link] [comments]
12/05/24 104 kg
On Friday 03 May 2024 a FB Spam message catches my eye from MedExpress about several products including Mounjaro (MJ), the latest GLP-1 agonist. This offers benefits for NIDDM and weight loss and intuitively feels like something right for me. I read a little about it and complete their online questionnaire. Shortly afterwards I decide to order it. £149 for a month’s supply seems good value to me. The side effect profile looks good and my risk of a thyroid tumour which the lab rats got doesn’t feel very high! I do nevertheless note the things to keep an eye on for the weeks ahead. Later that day they ask me for proof of ID and a head to toe full length Selfie to confirm I am as obese as I say I am. Taking a full length Selfie proved logistically difficult but the large upstairs mirror saved the day. I am pleased that they take their Clinical Governance seriously having previously chaired the Trust’s CG Committee and my confidence in the online medication provider increases. Of note some online platforms confirm a minority of people who want to take these drugs for a couple of weeks before their summer holiday to shed a few pounds.
Royal Mail Special delivery arrives early on Saturday morning and I decide I will take my first dose on Sunday. Gabi and I share our dinner on Saturday and we enjoy sharing a nice bottle of red wine. I have had an interesting relationship with alcohol for most of my life, drinking more than was good for me. I have no idea what impact MJ will have on that but I am curious to find out.
First thing Sunday I weigh myself. I decide to weigh myself once a week to keep an objective record of my weight loss. Whilst I am hopeful of a number of health benefits, weight loss is top of the list. I don’t initially have a specific goal in mind but weighing in at 107.4 kg it is clear that I have plenty to lose although I am pleased to note I don’t feel under any pressure to have to lose it quickly or by a specific date. The clinical trials with MJ quote data up to 72 weeks and that helps set a realistic idea that this will take many months as a minimum.
The starting dose is low at 2.5mg which I inject in to my ample belly easily and with no pain. The instructions are clear and come with some helpful diagrams which allow me to inject myself with confidence. That might sound odd being a doctor by training. Two thoughts come to mind. Firstly I don’t recall ever giving a SC injection to a patient let alone myself. Secondly I want to get it right; a natural anxiety I suspect many people have when they undertake a new adventure and especially when it is one of great importance to them.
The first thing I notice is an almost immediate suppression of my appetite. I no longer feel hungry. Can this be possible I ask myself? This kicked in within an hour or so of my injection. The doctor in me wonders if this is a Placebo effect. Surely it can’t work that quickly? I quickly drop this thinking and simply embrace my gratitude for a new perspective on things and accepting that I am not hungry is all that matters to me.
I am pleased to report that not feeling hungry continued for the next five and a half days. On Friday evening before dinner I started to feel hungry for the first time that week. Nothing serious, just a healthy “normal” hunger which didn’t overwhelm me or tempt me to snack on my old favourites such as cheese or bread and butter peanut. No this was just an acknowledgment that it was time to eat something and I was glad when dinner was ready an hour or two later. A similar thing happened on Saturday evening and again this passed peacefully without any drama.
The second thing I have noticed all week is how quickly I feel full once I start eating. I am eating approximately half of my usual portion and if and when I have put more food on my plate than I need I have chosen to leave it. Significantly this again has been effortless, natural and has not attracted any conditioned thinking about wasting food, the starving children of the world or what by long deceased grandmother might have to say on the matter. My diet hasn’t changed radically and was always healthy. Everything is cooked fresh, very little processed food and very little sugar. I just ate too much before. I never had an off switch. MJ seems to have moved that internal switch for me and for that I am again very grateful. Are some people’s brains wired differently?
As an illustration of this Gabi wanted a BBQ on Saturday night. The menu consisted of Wagyu beef burgers, grilled halloumi, grilled avocado, grilled sweetcorn and vegetable kebabs. I cooked the dinner and we sat outside in some welcome sunshine. Despite being good beef, I found the meat greasy and unappetising so I left half of it. I had already decided not to have a bread roll. I enjoyed the avocado, some vegetables and one piece of halloumi. A few bites of the sweetcorn was enough. I was full and just stopped eating. There was left over cheese. I can assure you that has never happened before!
Another thing I have noticed is the sensation of feeling bloated, even after eating what for me are small portions. In reality my belly has already begun to shrink but nevertheless the sensation is there. That agin seems to have helped with my portion sizes as I feel physically full quickly as well as emotionally satisfied. Feeling full most of the time including for example when I wake up has meant I have been eating less often. Typically that has meant eating twice a day, usually a late morning brunch and then dinner around 6-7. I have found myself drawn to a high protein, low carb diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, seeds and nuts. On the odd occasion I was a little hungry mid afternoon, a few raw nuts or a piece of fruit hit the spot nicely. In general though my desire to snack has gone. I used to have a habit of wandering in to the kitchen for no apparent reason. I would literally catch myself in there looking for something to eat. I wasn’t hungry and sometimes I don’t remember how I ended up there but before I knew it another slice of cheese and bread with peanut butter would have been cut and quickly eaten. The aimless kitchen grazing has thankfully gone too.
Many people on the forums I have read talk about the absence of “food noise.” I don’t know what they mean by the term but I can guess. My own experience is that I no longer think about food. A ridiculous amount of mental energy was previously spent on all things food related. That is no longer the case. The internal chatter has gone. A second benefit for me is the lack of “alcohol noise.” I am not thinking about alcohol which again could and did occupy far too much bandwidth. I am curious to see how this develops. I haven’t committed to going alcohol free again at the moment but given how little I am eating, I wonder when a nice glass of wine is offered will I say yes? If so how will it taste, how much will I drink and crucially will it counteract the MJ and increase my appetite for food in general and/or the foods I am no longer interested in such as cheese?
Put more simply, having no food or alcohol noise has allowed me to live an even bigger percentage of my life with a quiet mind and beautiful feelings.
A quick note on side effects. Basically none. A slight change in bowel habit but nothing worthy of comment.
My relationship with food has changed. My relationship with my body feels different. My appetite feels very different to the extent that sometimes I have had to remember to eat. For the first time I can recall, food is just a thing in my life. It no longer has a hold over me, it is not bestowed with special powers it is a fuel to keep me alive and crucially I am drawn to the foodstuffs I know are good for me not simply because that’s what every Sunday newspaper tells me but because my own Wisdom and intuition guides me every day, moment by moment.
2024.05.12 16:05 Mediocre_Shopping525 mbti diagram
hi!! i’ve never posted anything here before and im not very well-versed in reddit so im sorry about any mistakes. i quite like understanding things through diagrams so i thought i would make on explaining how the mbti cognitive functions work(or at least how i understand them so far). i will attach a photo of my diagrams and explain what im trying to get across with each one. i apologise for the length!!!!
the drawings are in fact ridiculous looking but hopefully you can see my intention behind it. so! the basic idea of all of them: 1. the extroverted functions are enclosed in this eye-like shape. this is to emphasise the users of these functions looking outward, into the external world. 2. the introverted functions are enclosed in a brain-like shape. this is to emphasise the users looking inward, into the internal world. this is not to mean that introverted functions cannot see or experience the external world or the extroverted functions don’t have an internal world. it is simply where their attention lies. 3. outside of these shapes i have scribbled. this is to describe a blurred inner and outer world respectively. their attention does not lie outside of their shapes. 4. i repeat a couple shapes as they represent different concepts. the question marks mean like ideas, abstract concepts, theories. whereas the bin(trash can), dog and person represent physical objects, beings, tangible experiences etc.. the hearts, stars, clouds and other shapes are representations of impressions of harmony and discord felt by certain experiences and people. 5. lastly number 5, i forgot to dry draw the internal thinking part within the Fe block but just imagine its in that blurry part of it oops
okay so each type: Si- rely on inner experience and IMPRESSIONS informed by blurred external ideas and concepts
what did you see yesterday? Si forms a impression the dog, what in particular sticks out to Si about the dog and unclearly generates ideas of what the dog could look like or what the colour the dog may like to look at. what features Si sees COULD mean. (Si thinking of the answer) this is a TINY dog, this is a TIRED dog, this is a THIRSTY dog. it focuses on the impressions of it, and what Si WANTS to focus on. (Si answering) a little dog doing quite poorly
Se- rely on an UNCHANGED experience of reality and the tangible external world informed by blurred previous personal ideas and meanings
Se sees the entire dog objectively and unclearly fits any meanings it has to reality or things the dog could possibly do. it is an objective experience of the dog. so what did you see yesterday? (Se thinking of the answer) it is a tiny DOG, it is a tired DOG, it is thirsty DOG. the unclear ideas of what it could be(tiny, tired, thirsty) are picked up unknowingly and are only noticed when really focused on or compared with another object. it’s next to another dog that is clearly bigger so THEN is becomes the SMALL dog. but the important part is- (Se answer) a dog.
Ni- rely on inner, PERSONAL meaning and ideas informed by blurred scope of external world
Ni consciously connects meanings and possible implications off of a broad blurred scope. the inverse of Se. what did you see yesterday? (Ni thinking of the answer)it is thirsty, must’ve been hot that day, i smelled wet dog, there was a red sign with a monetary fine if you don’t do something. so it’s PROBABLY a dog? not too sure, but that makes the most sense with all that information. the important part was the ideas of what the thing might have been or done to become what is physically was. (Ni answering) ummm…. a dog….?
Ne- rely on POSSIBLE meanings and ideas informed by blurred impressions of reality
Ne intentionally generates many ideas off of previously lived but unclear reality. this dog gives me a lot of ideas because it’s different from dogs i’ve seen before… probably. so what did you see yesterday? (Ne thinking of the answer) a dog that was thirsty, or maybe it was trying to speak, or maybe it is a deaf dog and thought it was barking but really its mouth was just open, maybe it’s got locked jaw?? maybe i should tell the person asking me this all of the possibilities of what the dog was doing so maybe we could get to the bottom of this. (Ne answering) insert either long explanation or simply- a dog.(because they found something else that caught their eye in the middle of thinking and want to get this convo over fast enough to ponder the other thing)
i’m not very sure how to explain the thinking and feeling functions in these terms as they don’t really ‘perceive’ reality but just exist in it and inform the decisions you make in it. so i won’t as getting it wrong makes me want to throw up
Fi- rely on EXPERIENCED impressions informed by a blurred objective system Fe- rely on OTHERS’ impressions informed by a blurred experienced system Ti- rely on a decided UNDERSTOOD framework informed by an objective shared atmosphere Te- rely on adherence to a universal and FUNDAMENTAL working of reality informed by a personal impression of peace
if you find things i’ve missed or have just gotten completely wrong please let me know. i know this isn’t particularly useful to everyone but i thought maybe some people may understand things in the same way i do and maybe this will help them.
submitted by Mediocre_Shopping525 to mbti [link] [comments]
the drawings are in fact ridiculous looking but hopefully you can see my intention behind it. so! the basic idea of all of them: 1. the extroverted functions are enclosed in this eye-like shape. this is to emphasise the users of these functions looking outward, into the external world. 2. the introverted functions are enclosed in a brain-like shape. this is to emphasise the users looking inward, into the internal world. this is not to mean that introverted functions cannot see or experience the external world or the extroverted functions don’t have an internal world. it is simply where their attention lies. 3. outside of these shapes i have scribbled. this is to describe a blurred inner and outer world respectively. their attention does not lie outside of their shapes. 4. i repeat a couple shapes as they represent different concepts. the question marks mean like ideas, abstract concepts, theories. whereas the bin(trash can), dog and person represent physical objects, beings, tangible experiences etc.. the hearts, stars, clouds and other shapes are representations of impressions of harmony and discord felt by certain experiences and people. 5. lastly number 5, i forgot to dry draw the internal thinking part within the Fe block but just imagine its in that blurry part of it oops
okay so each type: Si- rely on inner experience and IMPRESSIONS informed by blurred external ideas and concepts
what did you see yesterday? Si forms a impression the dog, what in particular sticks out to Si about the dog and unclearly generates ideas of what the dog could look like or what the colour the dog may like to look at. what features Si sees COULD mean. (Si thinking of the answer) this is a TINY dog, this is a TIRED dog, this is a THIRSTY dog. it focuses on the impressions of it, and what Si WANTS to focus on. (Si answering) a little dog doing quite poorly
Se- rely on an UNCHANGED experience of reality and the tangible external world informed by blurred previous personal ideas and meanings
Se sees the entire dog objectively and unclearly fits any meanings it has to reality or things the dog could possibly do. it is an objective experience of the dog. so what did you see yesterday? (Se thinking of the answer) it is a tiny DOG, it is a tired DOG, it is thirsty DOG. the unclear ideas of what it could be(tiny, tired, thirsty) are picked up unknowingly and are only noticed when really focused on or compared with another object. it’s next to another dog that is clearly bigger so THEN is becomes the SMALL dog. but the important part is- (Se answer) a dog.
Ni- rely on inner, PERSONAL meaning and ideas informed by blurred scope of external world
Ni consciously connects meanings and possible implications off of a broad blurred scope. the inverse of Se. what did you see yesterday? (Ni thinking of the answer)it is thirsty, must’ve been hot that day, i smelled wet dog, there was a red sign with a monetary fine if you don’t do something. so it’s PROBABLY a dog? not too sure, but that makes the most sense with all that information. the important part was the ideas of what the thing might have been or done to become what is physically was. (Ni answering) ummm…. a dog….?
Ne- rely on POSSIBLE meanings and ideas informed by blurred impressions of reality
Ne intentionally generates many ideas off of previously lived but unclear reality. this dog gives me a lot of ideas because it’s different from dogs i’ve seen before… probably. so what did you see yesterday? (Ne thinking of the answer) a dog that was thirsty, or maybe it was trying to speak, or maybe it is a deaf dog and thought it was barking but really its mouth was just open, maybe it’s got locked jaw?? maybe i should tell the person asking me this all of the possibilities of what the dog was doing so maybe we could get to the bottom of this. (Ne answering) insert either long explanation or simply- a dog.(because they found something else that caught their eye in the middle of thinking and want to get this convo over fast enough to ponder the other thing)
i’m not very sure how to explain the thinking and feeling functions in these terms as they don’t really ‘perceive’ reality but just exist in it and inform the decisions you make in it. so i won’t as getting it wrong makes me want to throw up
Fi- rely on EXPERIENCED impressions informed by a blurred objective system Fe- rely on OTHERS’ impressions informed by a blurred experienced system Ti- rely on a decided UNDERSTOOD framework informed by an objective shared atmosphere Te- rely on adherence to a universal and FUNDAMENTAL working of reality informed by a personal impression of peace
if you find things i’ve missed or have just gotten completely wrong please let me know. i know this isn’t particularly useful to everyone but i thought maybe some people may understand things in the same way i do and maybe this will help them.
2024.05.12 12:20 AbdoulayeTarnagda Procrastination with Notion in using it as a productivity tool. My opinion is you should use a Calendar instead, and only use Notion to store information.
This isn't for if you're doing advanced stuff in Notion like using it to store documents or to run a business, but if you're just using Notion to manage your time and organize your life, in my experience, I think it can be a procrastination tool.
You can create a lot of plans, you can make a lot of workspaces and habit trackers, and plan this, and create that, but it doesn't actually get you further towards your goals, at least in my experience.
Most productivity apps are just procrastination tools, at least in my opinion, and there's only 1 tool you should use, Google Calendar.
To make progress in an area, you do the action needed to get towards that area. To get good grades, you study. To get in shape, you work out. To make progress in learning a skill, you practice that skill.
That's brutally obvious, but you want to minimize the barrier between thinking about taking action and doing the action.
If there's a million Notion workspaces, and I have to maintain all of them, then I'm less likely to actually study or work out.
If I'm less likely to do the thing that causes progress, because I'm too busy playing around in Notion to procrastinate, how effective is it really?
I've tried using Todoist, Asana, and to do list tools as well, but the problem with that is your to do list gets messed up, or there's too much tasks or it gets disorganized, so you stop using it.
I think habit trackers in a sense are ineffective, because I used loop habit tracker on my phone a while ago, but if the goal for something is to be ingrained as a habit, then ticking it on a habit tracker when it should be a habit for the rest of your life seems useless, and you don't track the habits you're already consistent in anyways. You don't need to track brushing your teeth or showering, so if working out is truly ingrained as a habit, you don't need to tick it off on a habit tracker.
So Notion is a procrastination tool, to do list is too hard to organize and manage, and it also doesn't account for time, habit trackers don't make sense because it's supposed to be a life-long habit you do for the rest of your life (whether journaling, meditation, working out, etc), so the only tool that I think is needed for organization is Google Calendar.
It's the lowest barrier that translates the thought to action, because you don't have to do much to maintain a calendar (you still have to maintain it but it's less effort to maintain it), and there's no external planning for 69 hours, you just timeblock what you're going to do, then do it.
The timeblock says workout at 6 am - 7 am, you work out at 6 am - 7 am. The timeblock says study math for 3 hours at 5 pm - 8 pm, you study for 3 hours at 5 pm to 8 pm.
If you only use Google Calendar as your single productivity tool, if you make it your legit girlfriend, you check up on it, you just stare at it whilst waiting in line for something, you don't cheat on it by using other apps, and you only use Google Calendar, you're automatically going to do the work and take action. It accounts for the planning, time, and action. By using Google Calendar, you're already planning the work you need to do, you don't need advanced workspaces to list out what you need to do in the day, the time is accounted for because you see the time and how much time you have left until bedtime, and you're taking action, because you literally can be a brain-dead monkey and know what to do just by following the calendar.
If you're only following the calendar, and it says at 9 PM - 10 PM, learn coding, and you actually follow the calendar every single day, in 5 months, you've been coding everyday for 5 months. If you timeblock 5 times a week to workout, and you follow the calendar, now you're consistent in the gym.
For some people it's hard to take action, and for others it's easy. I'm the former, by a landslide. So why amplify it? Why make it harder to do take action? If you're like me, you should make it easy to take action.
Google Calendar as your only productivity tool so there's no distractions or feelings of overwhelmedness, timeblock the action you need to do to get further in your goal, take that action.
If I only use Google Calendar, and there's no extra bs to worry about, and all I do is timeblock the entire day with the different things I'm going to do, like an adjustable daily schedule, then actually do those things (workout, study, code, etc), I'll actually make progress in those things.
I still might use Notion to store biology diagrams and different websites so I can access them on my phone, but I'm not using it as a tool that I expect to get work done with, I'm using it more as a storage tool. One and done, occasional use.
The only tool I use for productivity now is Google Calendar. I set the task, then do the task, with no extra distractions, because I want it to be easy for me to do the work. The only thing holding me back from doing the work with Google Calendar is willpower, because my day is fully timeblocked, I have a clear path of action I need to take, if I'm disciplined enough to do it, as in follow all of the timeblocks, then I'm automatically taking action.
submitted by AbdoulayeTarnagda to Notion [link] [comments]
You can create a lot of plans, you can make a lot of workspaces and habit trackers, and plan this, and create that, but it doesn't actually get you further towards your goals, at least in my experience.
Most productivity apps are just procrastination tools, at least in my opinion, and there's only 1 tool you should use, Google Calendar.
To make progress in an area, you do the action needed to get towards that area. To get good grades, you study. To get in shape, you work out. To make progress in learning a skill, you practice that skill.
That's brutally obvious, but you want to minimize the barrier between thinking about taking action and doing the action.
If there's a million Notion workspaces, and I have to maintain all of them, then I'm less likely to actually study or work out.
If I'm less likely to do the thing that causes progress, because I'm too busy playing around in Notion to procrastinate, how effective is it really?
I've tried using Todoist, Asana, and to do list tools as well, but the problem with that is your to do list gets messed up, or there's too much tasks or it gets disorganized, so you stop using it.
I think habit trackers in a sense are ineffective, because I used loop habit tracker on my phone a while ago, but if the goal for something is to be ingrained as a habit, then ticking it on a habit tracker when it should be a habit for the rest of your life seems useless, and you don't track the habits you're already consistent in anyways. You don't need to track brushing your teeth or showering, so if working out is truly ingrained as a habit, you don't need to tick it off on a habit tracker.
So Notion is a procrastination tool, to do list is too hard to organize and manage, and it also doesn't account for time, habit trackers don't make sense because it's supposed to be a life-long habit you do for the rest of your life (whether journaling, meditation, working out, etc), so the only tool that I think is needed for organization is Google Calendar.
It's the lowest barrier that translates the thought to action, because you don't have to do much to maintain a calendar (you still have to maintain it but it's less effort to maintain it), and there's no external planning for 69 hours, you just timeblock what you're going to do, then do it.
The timeblock says workout at 6 am - 7 am, you work out at 6 am - 7 am. The timeblock says study math for 3 hours at 5 pm - 8 pm, you study for 3 hours at 5 pm to 8 pm.
If you only use Google Calendar as your single productivity tool, if you make it your legit girlfriend, you check up on it, you just stare at it whilst waiting in line for something, you don't cheat on it by using other apps, and you only use Google Calendar, you're automatically going to do the work and take action. It accounts for the planning, time, and action. By using Google Calendar, you're already planning the work you need to do, you don't need advanced workspaces to list out what you need to do in the day, the time is accounted for because you see the time and how much time you have left until bedtime, and you're taking action, because you literally can be a brain-dead monkey and know what to do just by following the calendar.
If you're only following the calendar, and it says at 9 PM - 10 PM, learn coding, and you actually follow the calendar every single day, in 5 months, you've been coding everyday for 5 months. If you timeblock 5 times a week to workout, and you follow the calendar, now you're consistent in the gym.
For some people it's hard to take action, and for others it's easy. I'm the former, by a landslide. So why amplify it? Why make it harder to do take action? If you're like me, you should make it easy to take action.
Google Calendar as your only productivity tool so there's no distractions or feelings of overwhelmedness, timeblock the action you need to do to get further in your goal, take that action.
If I only use Google Calendar, and there's no extra bs to worry about, and all I do is timeblock the entire day with the different things I'm going to do, like an adjustable daily schedule, then actually do those things (workout, study, code, etc), I'll actually make progress in those things.
I still might use Notion to store biology diagrams and different websites so I can access them on my phone, but I'm not using it as a tool that I expect to get work done with, I'm using it more as a storage tool. One and done, occasional use.
The only tool I use for productivity now is Google Calendar. I set the task, then do the task, with no extra distractions, because I want it to be easy for me to do the work. The only thing holding me back from doing the work with Google Calendar is willpower, because my day is fully timeblocked, I have a clear path of action I need to take, if I'm disciplined enough to do it, as in follow all of the timeblocks, then I'm automatically taking action.
2024.05.11 14:59 Vhsbsnns Power Steering Return Hose Replacement
 | Hello brains trust, submitted by Vhsbsnns to e39 [link] [comments] I need to replace my PS reservoir-Cooler hose(no.14) as it is leaking on my 2002 525i. Has anyone done this before? I want to know what washers and O rings I will need. Nothing was sent with the hose I bought. According to this diagram I will only need x1 no.11 - a rubber O ring. Is this correct? Because in the youtube videos I looked at there seemed to be a metal(crush?) washer at the cooler connection. I also saw I need to remove bolt no.12 to complete the replacement, which appears to have a washer of its own. Is this a crush washer or just a normal washer? TIA https://preview.redd.it/i5fhji3foszc1.jpg?width=633&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b6a977edfc6bdc2cf57acf4d41e4c36500d431b |
2024.05.11 12:30 NeuronsToNirvana Amazingly Detailed Images Reveal a Single Cubic Millimeter of Human Brain in 3D ScienceAlert: Humans [May 2024]
![Amazingly Detailed Images Reveal a Single Cubic Millimeter of Human Brain in 3D ScienceAlert: Humans [May 2024]](https://external-preview.redd.it/cL6Dkjji06CfcNgvbpPNUFHDh5M0BG1ELPGDC612jOg.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=202f254d2533e0981b7a67d96391fb90fd107124 "Amazingly Detailed Images Reveal a Single Cubic Millimeter of Human Brain in 3D ScienceAlert: Humans [May 2024]") | submitted by NeuronsToNirvana to NeuronsToNirvana [link] [comments]  With more than 1.4 petabytes of electron microscopy imaging data, a team of scientists has reconstructed a teeny-tiny cubic segment of the human brain.An image from the reconstruction showing excitatory, or pyramidal, neurons, colored according to size. (Google Research & Lichtman Lab/Harvard University. Renderings by D. BergeHarvard University) The human brain is notoriously complex. Across the animal kingdom, the functions performed by most of the vital organs are more or less the same, but the human brain is in a league of its own.A single neuron (white) and all of the axons from other neurons that connect to it. (Green=excitatory axons; Blue=inhibitory axons). (Google Research & Lichtman Lab/Harvard University. Renderings by D. BergeHarvard University) A deeper understanding of the way this dazzlingly complicated organ operates would confer profound benefits to our studies of brain function and disorders, from injury to mental illness to dementia.The distribution of cells, blood vessels, and myelin in the sample. (Shapson-Coe et al., Science, 2024) The team's reconstruction was based on a sample of human brain excised from an epilepsy patient during surgery to access an underlying lesion. The sample was fixed, stained with heavy metals to accentuate the details, embedded in resin, and sectioned into 5,019 slices, with a mean thickness of 33.9 nanometers, collected on tape.Synapse distributions. A: Volumetric density of excitatory synapses. B: Volumetric density of inhibitory synapses. C: Percentage of excitatory synapses in different layers (lowest values are purple; highest values are yellow). D: Representative pyramidal neuron, with excitatory (orange) and inhibitory (blue) synapses shown. E: Representative interneuron. (Shapson-Coe et al., Science, 2024) This data was analyzed with specially developed techniques and algorithms, generating, the researchers say, "a 3D reconstruction of nearly every cell and process in the aligned volume."One of the mysterious axonal whorls. (Shapson-Coe et al., Science, 2024) The next step in the team's work involves trying to understand the formation of the mouse hippocampus, a brain region heavily involved in learning and memory. Sources
Researchers have published the most detailed 3D map of a tiny chunk of the human brain to date. This groundbreaking achievement maps out a cubic millimeter of brain tissue, which contains 57,000 cells and 150 million synapses. The brain's intricate architecture is still poorly understood; this database will move the ball forward a few yards. It's like discovering a detailed map of a city when you previously only had a vague sense of a settlement there. Amazingly Detailed Images Reveal a Single Cubic Millimeter of Human Brain in 3D ScienceAlert: Humans [May 2024] |
2024.05.11 05:12 gecko927 My rant about Scott Galloway's TED talk about how the US is destroying young people's future
DISCLAIMER: I'd like to note that I do not consider myself an expert on many of the topics he talks about or even economics in general but a lot of what I'm about to say is pretty easily verifiable and basic, and I'll try to be clear that I'm expressing my opinion and not fact when I'm doing so. Given my lack of expertise, none of what I say here should be considered as the final authority on these topics, it's a reddit post for fucks sake, I encourage everyone to search up the relevant data and information on the topics they are interested in or claims they find dubious. It's really not that hard and all the links and data I'm gonna cite here took me less than five minutes to find for each piece of information. If you're not familiar with where to find this data it might take you longer but I promise that anyone with access to the internet can do the same thing I'm doing. Finally, for those looking for some opinionless, academic argument, that's not what this is, this is gonna sound like a rant because it is, I'm posting this for nothing more than my own satisfaction, take from it what you will.
Ok I'm writing this after I finished the whole thing and I said that I'd try to be clear that I'm expressing my opinion and not fact when I'm doing so and the basically entire second half of this is my opinion and I don't make that very clear so sorry about that.
Honestly I'd love to be wrong because I really do think that younger people are at a disadvantage compared to previous generations at the same age but the arguments he makes and the data he uses throughout his talk just sound like such bullshit to me.
https://www.ted.com/talks/scott\_galloway\_how\_the\_us\_is\_destroying\_young\_people\_s\_future?
https://www.profgalloway.com/war-on-the-young/
Scott Galloway recently did a Ted talk titled "How the US is destroying young people's future", as well as an accompanying blog post. He's made some fair points about how young people have been put at an inherent disadvantage and that they have it harder than previous generations. That's most likely true and I personally support that point of view, but the a lot data and numbers he makes this argument with seem to be cherry picked, misleading, or just straight up wrong. So let's break his talk down. u/JustTaxLandLol made a pretty good post about him comparing median wages to the S&P500 (https://www.reddit.com/badeconomics/comments/1cc3rs8/scott\_galloway\_compares\_median\_wage\_to\_sp500/) but I think that Galloway's mistakes are much more comprehensive than just that particular slide.
The first slide with data makes a claim about how pre-tax income, adjusted for inflation, has decreased across generations from grandparents to parents to kids, and that cost of public colleges and home prices have increased significantly across generations too. First of all, categorising generations by whether they have children or grandchildren is kinda nuts. That's a very wide, overlapping, range of ages. If he has actually fixed age ranges for each generation that don't overlap and just made these categorisations for the sake of understandability to a nonacademic audience, I still think that's the wrong choice but fine. However, his claim that real income has decreased across generations is weak at best. This working paper (https://www.federalreserve.gov/econres/feds/files/2024007pap.pdf) from the Fed Reserve was published February 2024, and from the figures that start at page 35, shows that by almost every categorisation they could think of, GenZ earns more at the same age than every previous generation before them. There's some conflict here with Raj Chetty's work but I don't have the time or knowledge to reconcile the two perspectives but at best, the pre-tax income numbers Galloway presents are questionable at best.Furthermore, he doesn't provide anyone a chance at even checking the sources he gets this information from. Not once in his entire talk does he cite a single source. He couldn't even have some tiny text at the bottom of his tables or diagrams saying what organisation he got this data from. Ok so that crossed out bit is wrong, he does have sources they're just very very faint and you can see them if you squint hard enough at the bottom left corner of his graphs. But the source he gives for this slide is a joke. Here's the link https://www.profgalloway.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Table-01.png
His "source" is his own analysis. Ok so by his analysis, the average cost of public college is 56000*0.43 = 24080. I'm gonna use numbers from this US News page (https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/articles/paying-for-college-infographic), which might not be the most reliable source in the world, but it's probably somewhere in the ballpark. So according to US News, average tuition for the 2023-2024 school year for out of state students going to a public school is 23,630 and 10,662 for in state students. If these numbers are anywhere near accurate, the only conclusion I can draw is that Galloway has cherry-picked his data by only including the cost for out of state students in his analysis. First of all, public schools in the US are there to provide affordable access to higher education FOR RESIDENTS OF ITS STATE. Using only out of state numbers is absolutely ridiculous. Secondly, even if he used only the in state numbers, 10662/56000 is approximately equal to 19%. So if I use his very very questionable pre-tax income numbers, cost of public college for in state students has still increased across his categorisation of generations. It's not like his point would have been invalidated if he had used the in-state numbers, a trend of tuition increasing as a percentage of real income across multiple generations is still very bad. This is my opinion but I guess that he just wanted to find a nice shocking number. I didn't catch this but in their post, u/JustTaxLandLol notes that later on Galloway says "real median income from labor is up 40% since 1974" so he's also contradicting himself in the same talk.
I couldn't be bothered to look into the house price to income column he has so I don't have any comments on that.
His next slide is a point about how the percentage of 30 year olds earning more than their parents did at 30 has been decreasing very significantly over time. This is from a paper in 2016 by Raj Chetty (link: https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.aal4617). I've seen some counterarguments about the methods used in the paper but there are counterarguments for basically every inequality paper in existence so I'd take them with a grain of salt. Those points are more complex than the scope of this post and I lack the expertise to be making them anyways so I believe this slide. I'll admit that Galloway makes a good argument for this slide.
Right after this slide he says "As a result, people over the age of 55 feel pretty good about America, but less than one in five people under the age of 34 feel very good about America. This creates an incendiary, righteous movement...". He supports this with data on the percentage of US adults who feel "extremely proud" to be American.
Before I talk about the data on this slide, I'd like to be a little anal about things and pick apart his wording and causal claims he makes. When Galloway says "as a result" he's making a causal claim about the relationship between a young person's earning ability and their national pride. Leaving aside the econometric issues of making random causal claims, this is a ridiculous marginalisation of all the other critically important issues in the US. It seems pretty clear to me that reduced national pride amongst younger individuals is a combination of a lack of social mobility (or however you want to word your version of the fading American dream), the continued existence of systematic racism and sexism, US response to ongoing conflicts in Ukraine and Gaza, bodily autonomy (abortion), and many other issues. Not to say that the economic disadvantages of young people doesn't play a role in causing this lack of national pride but come on. He also says "this creates an incendiary righteous movement...". Ok if the "as a result" from the last sentence could be interpreted as the economic disadvantages of young people play some part in their dissatisfaction with the government, it should be obvious to anyone not living under a rock that many of the political conflicts and movements that have erupted in the US over the past few years have little, if anything, to do with earning ability. In the slide after the poll data he shows three photos, one of a MeToo protest, one of a BLM protest, and another of a pro-Palestine protest. I can only interpret this as him making the claim that the younger generations economic difficulties are causally linked to those movements, which is totally bananas.
Now lets talk about the data. He got this from the Gallup polls (link: https://news.gallup.com/poll/394202/record-low-extremely-proud-american.aspx, there's a link to download the pdf with the poll numbers at the end of this article). There are 5 options for the Gallup poll: "Extremely proud"; "Very proud"; "Moderately proud"; "Only a little proud"; or "Not at all proud". So Galloway is cherry-picking again. To be fair, it's true that even including the rest of the answers, a quick glance at the data suggests (very strongly) that young people are less proud than older people. There are also more young people who choose "Not at all proud" (11% for 18-34 and 1% for 55+). Though there is probably some argument to be made about whether "extreme" pride is a good thing. Furthermore, "pretty good" and "very good" do not reflect the extremity of choosing, well, the most extreme option.
As an introduction to his next slide he says that "a decent proxy for how much we value youth labor is minimum wage". I've never heard of this before and am very very skeptical but I'm willing to attribute this to my own ignorance so I'll leave that sentence alone. So on this slide there's a graph with two lines, one is minimum wage across time adjusted for inflation, the other is whats supposed to be minimum wage if adjusted for productivity (also adjusted to inflation I assume). Galloway got this data form the Economic Policy Institute (EPI) (https://www.epi.org/productivity-pay-gap/), which shows that this gap between productivity began around 1979. This was when Carter was president and right before the Reagan administration. Those who know about the economic history of this time probably won't be surprised since a lot of the policies of this time were rather inegalitarian and heavily favoured the wealthy. I agree that many of the policies of the time contributed heavily to the inequality America faces today and though I haven't read any studies about how this affects minimum wage workers, I believe that minimum wage workers or low income workers in general today have significantly lower purchasing power relative to a few decades ago.
What I have a problem with here is the idea that productivity and minimum wage should increase in tandem. According to the EPI, "Productivity measures how much total economywide income is generated (i.e., for workers, business owners, landlords, and everybody else together) in an average hour of work" and "pay is defined as the average compensation (wages and benefits) of production and nonsupervisory workers. The pay for this group is one appropriate benchmark for 'typical worker pay' because production and nonsupervisory workers have made up roughly 80% of the U.S. workforce over the entire period shown in the figure and because the data for production and nonsupervisory workers exclude extremely highly paid managerial workers like CEOs and other corporate executives". Before I try to break down my complaints with the measures used, my immediate reaction when I saw this was that it seems rather stupid to compare the relationship between average productivity and minimum wage in an industrial economy against the same relationship in a service oriented one. There are just more jobs now that let you make an impact on the economy far beyond what you are paid and it is so so difficult to quantify this change. Using a similar argument, I really have no clue how macro people make models or do estimates for things like productivity but I'm quite skeptical about the reliability of using such a measure of productivity because of the increased prevalence of second, third, or n-th order effects that would be present in a measure of something like total gdp but pretty much impossible to identify for any employer. For those who want to read more about this difference between productivity and compensation I think this is the most relevant paper from EPI (https://files.epi.org/2015/understanding-productivity-pay-divergence-final.pdf). There are some points I'm not satisfied with in this paper like them attributing the entirety of the difference between median hourly compensation to average consumer hourly compensation but that would take more time than I want to spend on this.
Now we're still on the same slide. Galloway says "we've kept it [minimum wage] purposely pretty low" twice in three sentences. Now he's suggesting that there's some collective out there that has the political power and desire to keep minimum wage low. By "we" I think he means to suggest that the old-timers have banded together to screw the young people over. Ok buddy. I'm stepping outside the bounds of what's considered strictly economics here a little but pinning the injustices of society on some ethereal enemy whose existence can never be disproven is the same as taking "advantage of the flaws in our species with medieval institutions, Paleolithic instincts, and godlike technology" (Galloway's words, same TED talk) to me. Maybe there really is some cabal of scheming geezers out there who have some twisted desire to keep the minimum wage low, but I'm more inclined to believe that a lot of these "injustices" are a result of our existing political and societal institutions being poor and inefficient aggregators of our desires as a society, rewarding selfishness instead of cooperation. This certainly makes the problem harder to solve than if there were just some evil 'others' we could get rid of and be done with. Having a target to direct our outrage at, believing that I am good and they are bad, is easier than facing the reality that everyone is born with the selfishness that creates the injustices we live with but that's not gonna make people more agreeable. As an economist, I study the theory of incentives to use the same human selfishness that creates all the problems Galloway talks about to create solutions that hopefully improve our quality of life. This is what I believe is the beauty of being human, all the good and bad that happens stem from the same desires, it is our job to create institutions and systems that allow us to channel our desires in a way that benefits everyone, but I digress. The point is, this enemy that Galloway creates is an effective tactic at convincing people of his argument, but I don't believe such a perspective benefits society at all. Mistakes should be corrected, that doesn't mean they're always the result of ill intentions.
His next slide compares the difference between percentage increase in median household income against percentage increase in median home price, as well as a comparison of the median monthly mortgage between 2019 and 2024. I have nothing to say about the graph, I agree that over time, home prices have increased to an unacceptable level. The Fed funds rate went from 2.4 percent in Feb 2019 to 5.33 percent in Feb 2024 (https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/fedfunds). To his credit, Galloway does attribute this increase in mortgage payments to "an acceleration in interest rates" but what's the alternative? Don't increase interest rates? Then if I was Galloway I'd make the same TED talk and talk about how the continued low interest rates contributed to rampant inflation that made all the poor people even poorer. It seems like he's decided to take whatever bad economic event that seems somewhat relevant and made it to be the result of some group's dogged determination to keep the younger generation down. Why is the increase from pre- to post-covid prices on anything surprising. I'd like to meet the genius who saw covid coming and intentionally created this increase in home prices.
He also says "the most expensive homes in the world, based on this metric, are number three, Vancouver. Why? Because 60 percent of the cost of building a home goes to permits...". I have no idea what point he's making here. Based on what metric, median home price? Monthly mortgage payments? Why do I care about Vancouver, a Canadian city, being number three? Then he talks about how "the incumbents that own assets have weaponized government". Either he's switched to talking about oligopolistic lobbyists in general without saying so or he's still talking about Canada. I dunno. Someone please explain. Then he says "this is the transfer I'm going to be speaking about". Also, everything he just said is talking about how there exists a group of people trying to PREVENT transfers of wealth to new entrants. And there was huge applause after that sentence. Nutsos, all of them.
Ok next slide. Galloway presents two pie charts, comparing the share of household wealth by age in 1989 to 2023. So he's talking directly about inequality in wealth now. Inequality in the US is really really bad, that's a fact. I'm a big fan of the work of Emmanuel Saez, Gabriel Zucman, and Thomas Piketty. These people have been at the forefront of research on inequality for many years now and though their work is not flawless, I'm convinced by the data they present and the methods by which they have aggregated the data and what they show is that inequality is worse than even what the pie charts Galloway presents suggest. However, this is not to say that Galloway makes a valid argument. Please note the grey bits in the pie chart. If Galloway has shown the numbers for everyone under 40 and above 70, the group that's excluded are those between 40 and 70. So those in the age range of 40-70 owned 100 - 19 - 12 = 69% of household wealth in 1989 and 100 - 30 - 7 = 63% in 2023. I could probably go and find how the age demographics of the population have changed over time and I think that with declining birth rates, the percentage change in age demographics would be pretty close to the percentage change in household wealth but I'm tired of beating every slide to death so I'll leave that to someone else if anyone's motivated enough to do that (if my hypothesis is wrong here just comment and I'll make that change). My first thought when I saw this though was again, this guy has paid no regard to structural change in society. Given the increased accessibility of buying stocks over the past three decades is it really that surprising that older people who have had more time and cash at the start of the digital age to invest in companies that are now massive mega-corporations have experienced a higher return on their capital. This is not to say that none of this change in the share of wealth held by those under 40 is due to some inherent unfairness in our society and I have neither the time nor knowledge to separate these effects out but to say that this was a "purposeful" effort to cut their wealth in half is complete and utter bullshit. Also, this guy makes another causal claim WITH NOTHING BUT A CHANGE IN SHARE OF HOUSEHOLD WEALTH. Congratulations everyone Scott Galloway has just made every econometrician in the world redundant, I always knew my professors were just trying to confuse me with funny symbols and Greek letters, someone get this guy a Nobel Prize.
Then while introducing his next slide Galloway says that his analyst's presence in the audience "brings the average age of the entire conference down in 11 days". So he's saying that TED knows exactly who's showing up to their event before it happens and that they have the exact birthdates of everyone in the audience too and that they've given this information to one of their speakers. A friend of mine has told me he's just making a joke and that I should let this point go because I'm being too anal about things but yeah I become anal about things when someone suggests sweeping institutional changes in a talk viewed by millions of people so thought I'd include it anyways just as another example of the bullshit this guy has been spewing.
When he moves on to the actual content in the slide the first point he makes is about lower acceptance rates in schools. So I don't have data on this because I couldn't be bothered to go find any so again, I'll change my statement if anyone has reliable data indicating otherwise but I think its pretty safe to say that way less people used to apply than before and combined with an increase in international student applications and enrollments the competition is just way higher than before. The most obvious explanation would be that higher education institutions have made the mistake of not increasing enrollments at a rate quick enough to meet demand. However, according to US News (https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/how-many-universities-are-in-the-us-and-why-that-number-is-changing) there were 3982 degree-granting postsecondary institutions in the US. and UCLA is ranked 15th in national universities. So why is it surprising now that university education is becoming more popular that higher ranked universities are harder to get into. So instead of expanding enrollment I think that a well thought out plan of affirmative action would be a much better option of giving "unremarkable kids and giving them a shot at being remarkable" (what this well thought out plan may be I don't know, I honestly didn't even search up any statistics about affirmative action this was just the first solution I thought of that didn't involve ignoring the crowning achievement of statistics). To his credit, Galloway does include a point about income-based affirmative action at the end of his talk, though he overwhelmingly emphasises increasing enrollment in schools. I don't have any data about that but I think that class sizes at public universities are large enough as it is.
The rest of the slide gives numbers on college debt of house price compared to first year income. College debt is ridiculously high and many people struggle because of it. I don't have the solution and neither does Galloway because he doesn't really mention it. I think that house price-to-first year income is a poor comparison because it doesn't take into account average rate of income increase and no normal person from any generation is looking to buy a house with first year income but there's probably a more appropriate metric out there that shows a similar change anyways so I'm ok with that.
Then he talks about him and his "colleagues" who "artificially constrain supply to create aspiration and scarcity". I would like to meet the professors who have control over enrollment rates because none of mine did. Then he says "to my colleagues in higher ed: we're public servants, not fucking Chanel bags". The marketing professor from NYU says he's a public servant...ok.
The slide after that compares Harvard's increase in endowment compared to their increase in enrollment and he calls them a "hedge fund offering classes". I see no issue with this point, he made a great argument, can't really criticise anything here.
Don't worry though he makes up for it by immediately making one of the most egregious statements in this whole talk. We're looking at his next slide, the one titled "Grand Bargain" now. He says that the government should take some of the money that's supposed to be used to forgive existing loans to about 500 of the top public universities to reduce tuition by 2% and year, expand enrollments by 6% a year, and increase vocational programs to 20% of the degrees granted. Then the slide after that, claims this will double freshman seats and cut costs in half in just 10 years. Ok so he thinks that most of the money "earmarked to bail out the one third of people that got to go to college on the backs of the two thirds that didn't" should go to future students instead because, I assume from the tone of his words, he doesn't think they need or deserve all that loan forgiveness. So why bring up the increase in college debt previously (the slide I talked about three paragraphs ago)? Anyways that's not the crazy thing. Let's see what happens if you reduce tuition by 2% a year for 10 years. So the calculation goes like this 0.98^{10} is approximately equal to 0.81. So with the number he puts up, tuition decreases by 19% in ten years. If everything before this slide could be attributed to cherry-picking, stupidity, or lack of good data, then fine he's just ignorant even though he shouldn't have been if he went up there to make that talk. But now this is just a FUCKING BAREFACED LIE. I cannot think of a greater insult to the audience's intelligence than the fact that this guy didn't think anyone would pull out a fucking calculator and do the calculation themselves. I won't blame the audience for not saying anything because I'm not sure I would have wanted to do that either but at least from youtube and reddit comments there are a decent number of people who didn't realise this. A similar calculation shows that expanding enrollment by 6% per year increases seats by about 80% total (1.06^{10}). Not sure how that translates in terms of freshman seats but at least this is closer than the tuition claim.
Then his next slide compares wages to the s&p500. This is the point of u/JustTaxLandLol's post and I think his post and the discussion in the comments covers most if not all of my thoughts so you can just read that. https://www.reddit.com/badeconomics/comments/1cc3rs8/scott_galloway_compares_median_wage_to_sp500/
Ok next slide, "The Transfer: Purposeful". Oh yay he's about to make another causal claim with nothing but a graph on the change in top marginal tax rates for corporations and individuals. And if we skip ahead to the next slide we'll realise that this claim is that the gradual decrease in top marginal tax rates for corporations and individuals results in lowered senior poverty and child poverty either remains constant or increases. Yes everybody the newest advancement in economic research has just been released. Lowering top tax rates decreases senior poverty and increases child poverty. And Scott Galloway made that argument in 24 seconds (transcript on TED website has time markers).
Man I really set out with the intention to keep the tone of this post as neutral as I could but I'm just writing out my internal dialogue with less swearing now. I apologise to those who would have preferred a more careful and less emotional knee-jerk response of an analysis but this is a reddit post, its not like there are standards.
Now he moves on to talking about social security. Galloway says "it would cost 11 billion dollars to expand the child tax credit. But that gets stripped out of the infrastructure bill". So zero explanation about why it would cost 11 billion dollars to expand the child tax credit, why not more or less, no comment about how many children it would affect, how much money it would mean for each child or family, just some number that you have to accept. Most of the time there's no why to the amount of funding that the government allocates to policies but at least there's some breakdown to how its going to be used, Galloway doesn't even have that. This is before we even consider the fact that child tax credit was expanded this year (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/child-tax-credit-2024-who-qualifies/). Maybe he's talking about some other issue that I'm not aware of but I don't think so. He says he got the social security spending data from the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, which is a think tank. I don't want to sort through their website to fact check so I'll accept it as the truth but as far as I know the actual social security administration releases their facts and figures for the year August of next year so I'm not sure why he didn't just use the 2022 numbers from a more reliable source.
His next few couple slides are about the increasing age of politicians. I think this is a great point but he probably should have used a better example of a younger politician than Justin Trudeau.
Then at around the 10 minute mark, using his slide titled "Generational Theft", Galloway claims that "we pumped the economy" during covid so that the Nasdaq would gain value, causing "intergenerational theft". I don't know if he thinks it was intentional or not but how is he going to completely ignore the fact that the stimulus checks were primarily for households that were struggling due to the greatest unemployment rate we have seen in our lifetime (https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/06/11/unemployment-rose-higher-in-three-months-of-covid-19-than-it-did-in-two-years-of-the-great-recession/). I'm really kind of tired of this so I'll let those at the CBR make my argument for me. "Within the first 10 days, households spent an average of 29 cents from every dollar received. The bulk of this spending was on food, rent, and bills" (https://www.chicagobooth.edu/review/how-effective-were-stimulus-checks-us). Damn so turns out struggling families did need these stimulus checks pretty urgently. Shocker. I also think that most people in finance would agree that tech stocks surged over covid because people needed fucking technology... People built PCs to play video games, used online shopping services because they couldn't go to malls, all that.
The next slide is supposed to support his point that the increase in stock prices doesn't allow young people to find "disruption". What. The only thing that matters to any investor is the percentage increase in value of the stock price after you've invested. It doesn't matter if 7 dollars is 1 share of apple or 0.04 of a share of apple. Its stock price going up by 100% means you get 14 dollars either way. I think this guy's arguments are getting dumber as the talk goes on, I actually had to go and find data to refute his points earlier on. Now arithmetic does the work for me, I should have hired a grade schooler to do my analysis.
His next point is about how algorithmic content selection is bad. Yeah its bad. Its bad for everyone, turns everyone into psychos. Though I think there's a very good argument to be made about how such content could affect developing brains. He makes a point about age-gating social media at the end of the talk. This is actually the only drastic measure he proposes that I agree with so I'll leave this alone too.
After a couple slides about Zuckerberg and TikTok (which I agree with, though I think Zuckerberg's damage probably leans more towards older people than young now), he gives a bunch of graphs showing upward trends in all sorts of terrible things happening to young people. Every single one is an issue of critical importance in the US, but importantly, no comparison to older people. For all we know, the trend on every graph could be the same or even worse for older generations. If I had written about this first then I'd go and find the data for it but at this point I just want to be done with this but can't stop without getting to the end so I'm just gonna slap this slide with lack of comparisons and move on.
His next slide shows the difference in 30 to 34 year olds who have at least one child, some of that is probably due to family planning but I still think its a great indicator of people not wanting to have children because its not affordable. Great point, I believe in it.
Next slide, oh god it's a happiness report. I think happiness reports are a fun conversational tidbit but I see no way for it to be reliable enough to be used as an argument in any semi-serious setting. That said, I have no idea how they do these measurements so maybe I'm wrong.
As if the happiness report wasn't bad enough, Galloway is gonna compare the biggest one-day market cap gain (in an unspecified time frame) to the budget of several policies implemented by the government. Oh man. This is too stupid, there's so many things to pick from it'd take too much effort to sort through them. Someone else please make the argument for me.
Then he says universal basic income should have been called negative income tax. Wow the frequency of good points is going up, though I think this is accompanied by an increase in the frequency of absolutely idiotic arguments.
Then he says we should eliminate capital gains tax deduction. The issue of taxing capital gains is a very serious one, but I don't think it actually matters that much how much we tax realised capital gains. Again, not an expert but here's my understanding. If you have a high net worth with a lot of it in stocks and you need cash, you don't have to sell them and get taxed on the realised gains. You go to the bank and say I want to borrow money, I'm going to put these stocks up as collateral so if I can't pay you back you can take these stocks which are somewhere around the value of the principal amount plus total interest over the course of this loan. Because the bank is now convinced they'll get the money back regardless of if you make the payments or not, they say ok here's the money you asked for at a nice low interest rate. Then you take the money, you keep your stocks, which will probably gain value at a rate that exceeds the interest rate by a pretty decent margin, and you can probably make your interest payments pretty easily because hey, you were rich to begin with. If you're really strapped for cash a couple years down the line, you can sell some of the stocks that are now worth more than they were before and cover your payments and not have to pay taxes on the rest that you don't have to sell. Free money. There's plenty more ways to avoid taxes if you're rich but you get my point by now. Now that's a lot of problems without a solution. Luckily we have some economists far more skilled than I am who work very hard to find solutions to these problems. Here's one example of a policy that may help (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/05/03/opinion/global-billionaires-tax.html). This is an opinion piece written by Gabriel Zucman (famous economist), for the New York Times. If you don't have an NYT subscription, sorry for giving a link you can't read but if you search Gabriel Zucman billionaire tax, you could probably get a decent idea of what this talks about. Here's Zucman tweeting his proposal for his suggestion (https://twitter.com/gabriel\_zucman/status/1763253132572729623). It probably requires a little more thinking than the NYT article but he did present this at the G20 so that might sound more exciting to you than some news article.
Then Galloway says "we need to remove 230 protection for all algorithmically-elevated content". Zero mention on what 230 protection is so here's an explanation (https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/47/230). Basically that was a fancy way of saying that companies should be held accountable of the content on their platform, even if it's posted by an unrelated third party. I'm not sure getting rid of it in its entirety is a great idea (though I have no arguments against that except Orwellian ones) but I certainly agree that most if not all social media platforms have abused this protection and it should be at the very least restricted. To what extent? Again, I have no clue.
Then he goes "break up Big Tech". That's the whole suggestion. This is a terrible idea but the fact that he doesn't elaborate more on how to do this, the ramifications of doing so, or really provide any explanation at all makes me automatically ignore this. Then he makes his point about age-gating social media, like I said before, I agree with it.
His next suggestions are universal pre-K, great idea, then "reinstate the expanded child-tax credit". Not sure what he's going on about here, child tax credit exists and like I said before, was just expanded. Then it's income-based affirmative action. I don't know what kind of affirmative action is best and that sounds like an interesting idea so I won't criticise it. I think the rest of his suggestions are pretty normative arguments so I'll leave those alone too.
Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly agree with the overall theme of his talk. I believe that young people in the US (and many places worldwide) are at a massive disadvantage when it comes to accumulating wealth, buying homes, inter-generational transfers, etc. But you cannot go up on a popular platform like this, make claims as sweeping as he has, and make suggestions as radical and drastic as he has, with garbage arguments and data like this. Saying the right things for the wrong reasons is arguably worse than just saying the wrong thing because it makes it easy for those who want the status quo to remain to make counterarguments. Given how divisive opinions have become over the past decade or so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how many people are eating this up but it kinda scares me how easily people will eat up this shit as long as its for a cause that sounds like its going for some kind of radical change for the good of all and has some imaginary "them" as the common enemy to everyone.
So that's it, I've finally covered all his points. I'm free, thank fuck. I should really proofread this but this has been my past eight hours and my back is breaking from all this sitting, I'm just gonna post this and read it over tomorrow. Maybe do a tl;dr, fix some formatting.
EDIT: As u/myphriendmike and u/Mordoci have pointed out, my dummy corp example was just tax fraud, that's illegal and so it's a bad example, I've removed it. Zucman has some estimates on the "real" tax rate wealthy people (mostly billionaires) pay, maybe I'll include that at some point.
I also corrected my wording in some places.
submitted by gecko927 to badeconomics [link] [comments]
Ok I'm writing this after I finished the whole thing and I said that I'd try to be clear that I'm expressing my opinion and not fact when I'm doing so and the basically entire second half of this is my opinion and I don't make that very clear so sorry about that.
Honestly I'd love to be wrong because I really do think that younger people are at a disadvantage compared to previous generations at the same age but the arguments he makes and the data he uses throughout his talk just sound like such bullshit to me.
https://www.ted.com/talks/scott\_galloway\_how\_the\_us\_is\_destroying\_young\_people\_s\_future?
https://www.profgalloway.com/war-on-the-young/
Scott Galloway recently did a Ted talk titled "How the US is destroying young people's future", as well as an accompanying blog post. He's made some fair points about how young people have been put at an inherent disadvantage and that they have it harder than previous generations. That's most likely true and I personally support that point of view, but the a lot data and numbers he makes this argument with seem to be cherry picked, misleading, or just straight up wrong. So let's break his talk down. u/JustTaxLandLol made a pretty good post about him comparing median wages to the S&P500 (https://www.reddit.com/badeconomics/comments/1cc3rs8/scott\_galloway\_compares\_median\_wage\_to\_sp500/) but I think that Galloway's mistakes are much more comprehensive than just that particular slide.
The first slide with data makes a claim about how pre-tax income, adjusted for inflation, has decreased across generations from grandparents to parents to kids, and that cost of public colleges and home prices have increased significantly across generations too. First of all, categorising generations by whether they have children or grandchildren is kinda nuts. That's a very wide, overlapping, range of ages. If he has actually fixed age ranges for each generation that don't overlap and just made these categorisations for the sake of understandability to a nonacademic audience, I still think that's the wrong choice but fine. However, his claim that real income has decreased across generations is weak at best. This working paper (https://www.federalreserve.gov/econres/feds/files/2024007pap.pdf) from the Fed Reserve was published February 2024, and from the figures that start at page 35, shows that by almost every categorisation they could think of, GenZ earns more at the same age than every previous generation before them. There's some conflict here with Raj Chetty's work but I don't have the time or knowledge to reconcile the two perspectives but at best, the pre-tax income numbers Galloway presents are questionable at best.
His "source" is his own analysis. Ok so by his analysis, the average cost of public college is 56000*0.43 = 24080. I'm gonna use numbers from this US News page (https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/articles/paying-for-college-infographic), which might not be the most reliable source in the world, but it's probably somewhere in the ballpark. So according to US News, average tuition for the 2023-2024 school year for out of state students going to a public school is 23,630 and 10,662 for in state students. If these numbers are anywhere near accurate, the only conclusion I can draw is that Galloway has cherry-picked his data by only including the cost for out of state students in his analysis. First of all, public schools in the US are there to provide affordable access to higher education FOR RESIDENTS OF ITS STATE. Using only out of state numbers is absolutely ridiculous. Secondly, even if he used only the in state numbers, 10662/56000 is approximately equal to 19%. So if I use his very very questionable pre-tax income numbers, cost of public college for in state students has still increased across his categorisation of generations. It's not like his point would have been invalidated if he had used the in-state numbers, a trend of tuition increasing as a percentage of real income across multiple generations is still very bad. This is my opinion but I guess that he just wanted to find a nice shocking number. I didn't catch this but in their post, u/JustTaxLandLol notes that later on Galloway says "real median income from labor is up 40% since 1974" so he's also contradicting himself in the same talk.
I couldn't be bothered to look into the house price to income column he has so I don't have any comments on that.
His next slide is a point about how the percentage of 30 year olds earning more than their parents did at 30 has been decreasing very significantly over time. This is from a paper in 2016 by Raj Chetty (link: https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.aal4617). I've seen some counterarguments about the methods used in the paper but there are counterarguments for basically every inequality paper in existence so I'd take them with a grain of salt. Those points are more complex than the scope of this post and I lack the expertise to be making them anyways so I believe this slide. I'll admit that Galloway makes a good argument for this slide.
Right after this slide he says "As a result, people over the age of 55 feel pretty good about America, but less than one in five people under the age of 34 feel very good about America. This creates an incendiary, righteous movement...". He supports this with data on the percentage of US adults who feel "extremely proud" to be American.
Before I talk about the data on this slide, I'd like to be a little anal about things and pick apart his wording and causal claims he makes. When Galloway says "as a result" he's making a causal claim about the relationship between a young person's earning ability and their national pride. Leaving aside the econometric issues of making random causal claims, this is a ridiculous marginalisation of all the other critically important issues in the US. It seems pretty clear to me that reduced national pride amongst younger individuals is a combination of a lack of social mobility (or however you want to word your version of the fading American dream), the continued existence of systematic racism and sexism, US response to ongoing conflicts in Ukraine and Gaza, bodily autonomy (abortion), and many other issues. Not to say that the economic disadvantages of young people doesn't play a role in causing this lack of national pride but come on. He also says "this creates an incendiary righteous movement...". Ok if the "as a result" from the last sentence could be interpreted as the economic disadvantages of young people play some part in their dissatisfaction with the government, it should be obvious to anyone not living under a rock that many of the political conflicts and movements that have erupted in the US over the past few years have little, if anything, to do with earning ability. In the slide after the poll data he shows three photos, one of a MeToo protest, one of a BLM protest, and another of a pro-Palestine protest. I can only interpret this as him making the claim that the younger generations economic difficulties are causally linked to those movements, which is totally bananas.
Now lets talk about the data. He got this from the Gallup polls (link: https://news.gallup.com/poll/394202/record-low-extremely-proud-american.aspx, there's a link to download the pdf with the poll numbers at the end of this article). There are 5 options for the Gallup poll: "Extremely proud"; "Very proud"; "Moderately proud"; "Only a little proud"; or "Not at all proud". So Galloway is cherry-picking again. To be fair, it's true that even including the rest of the answers, a quick glance at the data suggests (very strongly) that young people are less proud than older people. There are also more young people who choose "Not at all proud" (11% for 18-34 and 1% for 55+). Though there is probably some argument to be made about whether "extreme" pride is a good thing. Furthermore, "pretty good" and "very good" do not reflect the extremity of choosing, well, the most extreme option.
As an introduction to his next slide he says that "a decent proxy for how much we value youth labor is minimum wage". I've never heard of this before and am very very skeptical but I'm willing to attribute this to my own ignorance so I'll leave that sentence alone. So on this slide there's a graph with two lines, one is minimum wage across time adjusted for inflation, the other is whats supposed to be minimum wage if adjusted for productivity (also adjusted to inflation I assume). Galloway got this data form the Economic Policy Institute (EPI) (https://www.epi.org/productivity-pay-gap/), which shows that this gap between productivity began around 1979. This was when Carter was president and right before the Reagan administration. Those who know about the economic history of this time probably won't be surprised since a lot of the policies of this time were rather inegalitarian and heavily favoured the wealthy. I agree that many of the policies of the time contributed heavily to the inequality America faces today and though I haven't read any studies about how this affects minimum wage workers, I believe that minimum wage workers or low income workers in general today have significantly lower purchasing power relative to a few decades ago.
What I have a problem with here is the idea that productivity and minimum wage should increase in tandem. According to the EPI, "Productivity measures how much total economywide income is generated (i.e., for workers, business owners, landlords, and everybody else together) in an average hour of work" and "pay is defined as the average compensation (wages and benefits) of production and nonsupervisory workers. The pay for this group is one appropriate benchmark for 'typical worker pay' because production and nonsupervisory workers have made up roughly 80% of the U.S. workforce over the entire period shown in the figure and because the data for production and nonsupervisory workers exclude extremely highly paid managerial workers like CEOs and other corporate executives". Before I try to break down my complaints with the measures used, my immediate reaction when I saw this was that it seems rather stupid to compare the relationship between average productivity and minimum wage in an industrial economy against the same relationship in a service oriented one. There are just more jobs now that let you make an impact on the economy far beyond what you are paid and it is so so difficult to quantify this change. Using a similar argument, I really have no clue how macro people make models or do estimates for things like productivity but I'm quite skeptical about the reliability of using such a measure of productivity because of the increased prevalence of second, third, or n-th order effects that would be present in a measure of something like total gdp but pretty much impossible to identify for any employer. For those who want to read more about this difference between productivity and compensation I think this is the most relevant paper from EPI (https://files.epi.org/2015/understanding-productivity-pay-divergence-final.pdf). There are some points I'm not satisfied with in this paper like them attributing the entirety of the difference between median hourly compensation to average consumer hourly compensation but that would take more time than I want to spend on this.
Now we're still on the same slide. Galloway says "we've kept it [minimum wage] purposely pretty low" twice in three sentences. Now he's suggesting that there's some collective out there that has the political power and desire to keep minimum wage low. By "we" I think he means to suggest that the old-timers have banded together to screw the young people over. Ok buddy. I'm stepping outside the bounds of what's considered strictly economics here a little but pinning the injustices of society on some ethereal enemy whose existence can never be disproven is the same as taking "advantage of the flaws in our species with medieval institutions, Paleolithic instincts, and godlike technology" (Galloway's words, same TED talk) to me. Maybe there really is some cabal of scheming geezers out there who have some twisted desire to keep the minimum wage low, but I'm more inclined to believe that a lot of these "injustices" are a result of our existing political and societal institutions being poor and inefficient aggregators of our desires as a society, rewarding selfishness instead of cooperation. This certainly makes the problem harder to solve than if there were just some evil 'others' we could get rid of and be done with. Having a target to direct our outrage at, believing that I am good and they are bad, is easier than facing the reality that everyone is born with the selfishness that creates the injustices we live with but that's not gonna make people more agreeable. As an economist, I study the theory of incentives to use the same human selfishness that creates all the problems Galloway talks about to create solutions that hopefully improve our quality of life. This is what I believe is the beauty of being human, all the good and bad that happens stem from the same desires, it is our job to create institutions and systems that allow us to channel our desires in a way that benefits everyone, but I digress. The point is, this enemy that Galloway creates is an effective tactic at convincing people of his argument, but I don't believe such a perspective benefits society at all. Mistakes should be corrected, that doesn't mean they're always the result of ill intentions.
His next slide compares the difference between percentage increase in median household income against percentage increase in median home price, as well as a comparison of the median monthly mortgage between 2019 and 2024. I have nothing to say about the graph, I agree that over time, home prices have increased to an unacceptable level. The Fed funds rate went from 2.4 percent in Feb 2019 to 5.33 percent in Feb 2024 (https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/fedfunds). To his credit, Galloway does attribute this increase in mortgage payments to "an acceleration in interest rates" but what's the alternative? Don't increase interest rates? Then if I was Galloway I'd make the same TED talk and talk about how the continued low interest rates contributed to rampant inflation that made all the poor people even poorer. It seems like he's decided to take whatever bad economic event that seems somewhat relevant and made it to be the result of some group's dogged determination to keep the younger generation down. Why is the increase from pre- to post-covid prices on anything surprising. I'd like to meet the genius who saw covid coming and intentionally created this increase in home prices.
He also says "the most expensive homes in the world, based on this metric, are number three, Vancouver. Why? Because 60 percent of the cost of building a home goes to permits...". I have no idea what point he's making here. Based on what metric, median home price? Monthly mortgage payments? Why do I care about Vancouver, a Canadian city, being number three? Then he talks about how "the incumbents that own assets have weaponized government". Either he's switched to talking about oligopolistic lobbyists in general without saying so or he's still talking about Canada. I dunno. Someone please explain. Then he says "this is the transfer I'm going to be speaking about". Also, everything he just said is talking about how there exists a group of people trying to PREVENT transfers of wealth to new entrants. And there was huge applause after that sentence. Nutsos, all of them.
Ok next slide. Galloway presents two pie charts, comparing the share of household wealth by age in 1989 to 2023. So he's talking directly about inequality in wealth now. Inequality in the US is really really bad, that's a fact. I'm a big fan of the work of Emmanuel Saez, Gabriel Zucman, and Thomas Piketty. These people have been at the forefront of research on inequality for many years now and though their work is not flawless, I'm convinced by the data they present and the methods by which they have aggregated the data and what they show is that inequality is worse than even what the pie charts Galloway presents suggest. However, this is not to say that Galloway makes a valid argument. Please note the grey bits in the pie chart. If Galloway has shown the numbers for everyone under 40 and above 70, the group that's excluded are those between 40 and 70. So those in the age range of 40-70 owned 100 - 19 - 12 = 69% of household wealth in 1989 and 100 - 30 - 7 = 63% in 2023. I could probably go and find how the age demographics of the population have changed over time and I think that with declining birth rates, the percentage change in age demographics would be pretty close to the percentage change in household wealth but I'm tired of beating every slide to death so I'll leave that to someone else if anyone's motivated enough to do that (if my hypothesis is wrong here just comment and I'll make that change). My first thought when I saw this though was again, this guy has paid no regard to structural change in society. Given the increased accessibility of buying stocks over the past three decades is it really that surprising that older people who have had more time and cash at the start of the digital age to invest in companies that are now massive mega-corporations have experienced a higher return on their capital. This is not to say that none of this change in the share of wealth held by those under 40 is due to some inherent unfairness in our society and I have neither the time nor knowledge to separate these effects out but to say that this was a "purposeful" effort to cut their wealth in half is complete and utter bullshit. Also, this guy makes another causal claim WITH NOTHING BUT A CHANGE IN SHARE OF HOUSEHOLD WEALTH. Congratulations everyone Scott Galloway has just made every econometrician in the world redundant, I always knew my professors were just trying to confuse me with funny symbols and Greek letters, someone get this guy a Nobel Prize.
Then while introducing his next slide Galloway says that his analyst's presence in the audience "brings the average age of the entire conference down in 11 days". So he's saying that TED knows exactly who's showing up to their event before it happens and that they have the exact birthdates of everyone in the audience too and that they've given this information to one of their speakers. A friend of mine has told me he's just making a joke and that I should let this point go because I'm being too anal about things but yeah I become anal about things when someone suggests sweeping institutional changes in a talk viewed by millions of people so thought I'd include it anyways just as another example of the bullshit this guy has been spewing.
When he moves on to the actual content in the slide the first point he makes is about lower acceptance rates in schools. So I don't have data on this because I couldn't be bothered to go find any so again, I'll change my statement if anyone has reliable data indicating otherwise but I think its pretty safe to say that way less people used to apply than before and combined with an increase in international student applications and enrollments the competition is just way higher than before. The most obvious explanation would be that higher education institutions have made the mistake of not increasing enrollments at a rate quick enough to meet demand. However, according to US News (https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/how-many-universities-are-in-the-us-and-why-that-number-is-changing) there were 3982 degree-granting postsecondary institutions in the US. and UCLA is ranked 15th in national universities. So why is it surprising now that university education is becoming more popular that higher ranked universities are harder to get into. So instead of expanding enrollment I think that a well thought out plan of affirmative action would be a much better option of giving "unremarkable kids and giving them a shot at being remarkable" (what this well thought out plan may be I don't know, I honestly didn't even search up any statistics about affirmative action this was just the first solution I thought of that didn't involve ignoring the crowning achievement of statistics). To his credit, Galloway does include a point about income-based affirmative action at the end of his talk, though he overwhelmingly emphasises increasing enrollment in schools. I don't have any data about that but I think that class sizes at public universities are large enough as it is.
The rest of the slide gives numbers on college debt of house price compared to first year income. College debt is ridiculously high and many people struggle because of it. I don't have the solution and neither does Galloway because he doesn't really mention it. I think that house price-to-first year income is a poor comparison because it doesn't take into account average rate of income increase and no normal person from any generation is looking to buy a house with first year income but there's probably a more appropriate metric out there that shows a similar change anyways so I'm ok with that.
Then he talks about him and his "colleagues" who "artificially constrain supply to create aspiration and scarcity". I would like to meet the professors who have control over enrollment rates because none of mine did. Then he says "to my colleagues in higher ed: we're public servants, not fucking Chanel bags". The marketing professor from NYU says he's a public servant...ok.
The slide after that compares Harvard's increase in endowment compared to their increase in enrollment and he calls them a "hedge fund offering classes". I see no issue with this point, he made a great argument, can't really criticise anything here.
Don't worry though he makes up for it by immediately making one of the most egregious statements in this whole talk. We're looking at his next slide, the one titled "Grand Bargain" now. He says that the government should take some of the money that's supposed to be used to forgive existing loans to about 500 of the top public universities to reduce tuition by 2% and year, expand enrollments by 6% a year, and increase vocational programs to 20% of the degrees granted. Then the slide after that, claims this will double freshman seats and cut costs in half in just 10 years. Ok so he thinks that most of the money "earmarked to bail out the one third of people that got to go to college on the backs of the two thirds that didn't" should go to future students instead because, I assume from the tone of his words, he doesn't think they need or deserve all that loan forgiveness. So why bring up the increase in college debt previously (the slide I talked about three paragraphs ago)? Anyways that's not the crazy thing. Let's see what happens if you reduce tuition by 2% a year for 10 years. So the calculation goes like this 0.98^{10} is approximately equal to 0.81. So with the number he puts up, tuition decreases by 19% in ten years. If everything before this slide could be attributed to cherry-picking, stupidity, or lack of good data, then fine he's just ignorant even though he shouldn't have been if he went up there to make that talk. But now this is just a FUCKING BAREFACED LIE. I cannot think of a greater insult to the audience's intelligence than the fact that this guy didn't think anyone would pull out a fucking calculator and do the calculation themselves. I won't blame the audience for not saying anything because I'm not sure I would have wanted to do that either but at least from youtube and reddit comments there are a decent number of people who didn't realise this. A similar calculation shows that expanding enrollment by 6% per year increases seats by about 80% total (1.06^{10}). Not sure how that translates in terms of freshman seats but at least this is closer than the tuition claim.
Then his next slide compares wages to the s&p500. This is the point of u/JustTaxLandLol's post and I think his post and the discussion in the comments covers most if not all of my thoughts so you can just read that. https://www.reddit.com/badeconomics/comments/1cc3rs8/scott_galloway_compares_median_wage_to_sp500/
Ok next slide, "The Transfer: Purposeful". Oh yay he's about to make another causal claim with nothing but a graph on the change in top marginal tax rates for corporations and individuals. And if we skip ahead to the next slide we'll realise that this claim is that the gradual decrease in top marginal tax rates for corporations and individuals results in lowered senior poverty and child poverty either remains constant or increases. Yes everybody the newest advancement in economic research has just been released. Lowering top tax rates decreases senior poverty and increases child poverty. And Scott Galloway made that argument in 24 seconds (transcript on TED website has time markers).
Man I really set out with the intention to keep the tone of this post as neutral as I could but I'm just writing out my internal dialogue with less swearing now. I apologise to those who would have preferred a more careful and less emotional knee-jerk response of an analysis but this is a reddit post, its not like there are standards.
Now he moves on to talking about social security. Galloway says "it would cost 11 billion dollars to expand the child tax credit. But that gets stripped out of the infrastructure bill". So zero explanation about why it would cost 11 billion dollars to expand the child tax credit, why not more or less, no comment about how many children it would affect, how much money it would mean for each child or family, just some number that you have to accept. Most of the time there's no why to the amount of funding that the government allocates to policies but at least there's some breakdown to how its going to be used, Galloway doesn't even have that. This is before we even consider the fact that child tax credit was expanded this year (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/child-tax-credit-2024-who-qualifies/). Maybe he's talking about some other issue that I'm not aware of but I don't think so. He says he got the social security spending data from the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, which is a think tank. I don't want to sort through their website to fact check so I'll accept it as the truth but as far as I know the actual social security administration releases their facts and figures for the year August of next year so I'm not sure why he didn't just use the 2022 numbers from a more reliable source.
His next few couple slides are about the increasing age of politicians. I think this is a great point but he probably should have used a better example of a younger politician than Justin Trudeau.
Then at around the 10 minute mark, using his slide titled "Generational Theft", Galloway claims that "we pumped the economy" during covid so that the Nasdaq would gain value, causing "intergenerational theft". I don't know if he thinks it was intentional or not but how is he going to completely ignore the fact that the stimulus checks were primarily for households that were struggling due to the greatest unemployment rate we have seen in our lifetime (https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/06/11/unemployment-rose-higher-in-three-months-of-covid-19-than-it-did-in-two-years-of-the-great-recession/). I'm really kind of tired of this so I'll let those at the CBR make my argument for me. "Within the first 10 days, households spent an average of 29 cents from every dollar received. The bulk of this spending was on food, rent, and bills" (https://www.chicagobooth.edu/review/how-effective-were-stimulus-checks-us). Damn so turns out struggling families did need these stimulus checks pretty urgently. Shocker. I also think that most people in finance would agree that tech stocks surged over covid because people needed fucking technology... People built PCs to play video games, used online shopping services because they couldn't go to malls, all that.
The next slide is supposed to support his point that the increase in stock prices doesn't allow young people to find "disruption". What. The only thing that matters to any investor is the percentage increase in value of the stock price after you've invested. It doesn't matter if 7 dollars is 1 share of apple or 0.04 of a share of apple. Its stock price going up by 100% means you get 14 dollars either way. I think this guy's arguments are getting dumber as the talk goes on, I actually had to go and find data to refute his points earlier on. Now arithmetic does the work for me, I should have hired a grade schooler to do my analysis.
His next point is about how algorithmic content selection is bad. Yeah its bad. Its bad for everyone, turns everyone into psychos. Though I think there's a very good argument to be made about how such content could affect developing brains. He makes a point about age-gating social media at the end of the talk. This is actually the only drastic measure he proposes that I agree with so I'll leave this alone too.
After a couple slides about Zuckerberg and TikTok (which I agree with, though I think Zuckerberg's damage probably leans more towards older people than young now), he gives a bunch of graphs showing upward trends in all sorts of terrible things happening to young people. Every single one is an issue of critical importance in the US, but importantly, no comparison to older people. For all we know, the trend on every graph could be the same or even worse for older generations. If I had written about this first then I'd go and find the data for it but at this point I just want to be done with this but can't stop without getting to the end so I'm just gonna slap this slide with lack of comparisons and move on.
His next slide shows the difference in 30 to 34 year olds who have at least one child, some of that is probably due to family planning but I still think its a great indicator of people not wanting to have children because its not affordable. Great point, I believe in it.
Next slide, oh god it's a happiness report. I think happiness reports are a fun conversational tidbit but I see no way for it to be reliable enough to be used as an argument in any semi-serious setting. That said, I have no idea how they do these measurements so maybe I'm wrong.
As if the happiness report wasn't bad enough, Galloway is gonna compare the biggest one-day market cap gain (in an unspecified time frame) to the budget of several policies implemented by the government. Oh man. This is too stupid, there's so many things to pick from it'd take too much effort to sort through them. Someone else please make the argument for me.
Then he says universal basic income should have been called negative income tax. Wow the frequency of good points is going up, though I think this is accompanied by an increase in the frequency of absolutely idiotic arguments.
Then he says we should eliminate capital gains tax deduction. The issue of taxing capital gains is a very serious one, but I don't think it actually matters that much how much we tax realised capital gains. Again, not an expert but here's my understanding. If you have a high net worth with a lot of it in stocks and you need cash, you don't have to sell them and get taxed on the realised gains. You go to the bank and say I want to borrow money, I'm going to put these stocks up as collateral so if I can't pay you back you can take these stocks which are somewhere around the value of the principal amount plus total interest over the course of this loan. Because the bank is now convinced they'll get the money back regardless of if you make the payments or not, they say ok here's the money you asked for at a nice low interest rate. Then you take the money, you keep your stocks, which will probably gain value at a rate that exceeds the interest rate by a pretty decent margin, and you can probably make your interest payments pretty easily because hey, you were rich to begin with. If you're really strapped for cash a couple years down the line, you can sell some of the stocks that are now worth more than they were before and cover your payments and not have to pay taxes on the rest that you don't have to sell. Free money. There's plenty more ways to avoid taxes if you're rich but you get my point by now. Now that's a lot of problems without a solution. Luckily we have some economists far more skilled than I am who work very hard to find solutions to these problems. Here's one example of a policy that may help (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/05/03/opinion/global-billionaires-tax.html). This is an opinion piece written by Gabriel Zucman (famous economist), for the New York Times. If you don't have an NYT subscription, sorry for giving a link you can't read but if you search Gabriel Zucman billionaire tax, you could probably get a decent idea of what this talks about. Here's Zucman tweeting his proposal for his suggestion (https://twitter.com/gabriel\_zucman/status/1763253132572729623). It probably requires a little more thinking than the NYT article but he did present this at the G20 so that might sound more exciting to you than some news article.
Then Galloway says "we need to remove 230 protection for all algorithmically-elevated content". Zero mention on what 230 protection is so here's an explanation (https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/47/230). Basically that was a fancy way of saying that companies should be held accountable of the content on their platform, even if it's posted by an unrelated third party. I'm not sure getting rid of it in its entirety is a great idea (though I have no arguments against that except Orwellian ones) but I certainly agree that most if not all social media platforms have abused this protection and it should be at the very least restricted. To what extent? Again, I have no clue.
Then he goes "break up Big Tech". That's the whole suggestion. This is a terrible idea but the fact that he doesn't elaborate more on how to do this, the ramifications of doing so, or really provide any explanation at all makes me automatically ignore this. Then he makes his point about age-gating social media, like I said before, I agree with it.
His next suggestions are universal pre-K, great idea, then "reinstate the expanded child-tax credit". Not sure what he's going on about here, child tax credit exists and like I said before, was just expanded. Then it's income-based affirmative action. I don't know what kind of affirmative action is best and that sounds like an interesting idea so I won't criticise it. I think the rest of his suggestions are pretty normative arguments so I'll leave those alone too.
Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly agree with the overall theme of his talk. I believe that young people in the US (and many places worldwide) are at a massive disadvantage when it comes to accumulating wealth, buying homes, inter-generational transfers, etc. But you cannot go up on a popular platform like this, make claims as sweeping as he has, and make suggestions as radical and drastic as he has, with garbage arguments and data like this. Saying the right things for the wrong reasons is arguably worse than just saying the wrong thing because it makes it easy for those who want the status quo to remain to make counterarguments. Given how divisive opinions have become over the past decade or so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how many people are eating this up but it kinda scares me how easily people will eat up this shit as long as its for a cause that sounds like its going for some kind of radical change for the good of all and has some imaginary "them" as the common enemy to everyone.
So that's it, I've finally covered all his points. I'm free, thank fuck. I should really proofread this but this has been my past eight hours and my back is breaking from all this sitting, I'm just gonna post this and read it over tomorrow. Maybe do a tl;dr, fix some formatting.
EDIT: As u/myphriendmike and u/Mordoci have pointed out, my dummy corp example was just tax fraud, that's illegal and so it's a bad example, I've removed it. Zucman has some estimates on the "real" tax rate wealthy people (mostly billionaires) pay, maybe I'll include that at some point.
I also corrected my wording in some places.
2024.05.10 20:28 pillowcase-of-eels [Music] Emilie Autumn's Asylum, pt. 5 – Musician spends years building vibrant and loyal audience; single-sentence comment from concerned fan triggers civil war and ruins everything forever
🪞 “It's much easier to get in that it is to get out,” Emilie Autumn used to say. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 - Part 4.2
She was not wrong. Welcome back to the Asylum write-up!
In this installment, we're finally getting down to the nitty-gritty of the enmity between EA and her fans.
It's time for war. It's time for blood. It's time... for tea. 🎵
Everyone ready for some dysfunctional family history?
CW for discussion of bullying, online harassment, mental illness stigma.
EA had the excellent instinct to start banking on her online presence📝 long before MySpace was even a thing. She had a website, several online stores, an active LiveJournal and a ProBoards forum right from the turn of the millennium.
In 2004, she attached an official forum to her website; the earliest archive shows 74 registered users. By the time Opheliac came out in 2006, that number had grown tenfold. And it was, by most accounts, a pretty dope place to be! (I should specify that this write-up focuses on the anglophone side of the fandom: there were also thriving fan-run communities in at least German, French, and Spanish. Because EA doesn't speak any of those languages, the lucky bastards were mostly left alone.)
Forum users enjoyed interacting with some of EA's closest IRL friends and associates – and with the mistress of the house herself (user flair: PsychoFiddler), when she occasionally responded to comments under her own posts. But that wasn't even the main appeal for many. For a long time, on top of all EA-related topics, the official forum had very active “Off-Topic” subforums, with lively and friendly conversation on a variety of subjects. (There was even a “Filthy Libertines (18+)” sub for a while, which was closed due to preemptive concerns about minors.) Swear words (not slurs) were allowed and encouraged, and moderation was overall pretty loose beyond basic enforcement of civility. There was a lot of mutual support, creativity, and solid banter going around.
In 2008, for instance, EA held an afternoon meet-up at Lincoln Park in Chicago. 📺 The event was free to attend; it featured live acoustic music and a reading from EA's upcoming book, the intriguingly-titled Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls.
On the appointed day, EA rolled up in a fabulously tousled red wig, bedazzled white corset and steampunk-altered wedding dress. She had brought friends alongs. Sporting blue hair and a pink bustle and corset was her Chicago bestie, the main forum admin. Rocking a guitar and a top hat was EA's sound engineer, the soft-spoken wizard behind the Victoriandustrial sound, who was also a forum mod. The photographer from the original Opheliac cover art was there as well; he was formally introduced by EA and got his own round of applause.
The End Records, that is! Quick refresher: in 2009, after three years or so with Trisol, EA split from the label over allegations that the owner was embezzling money from ticket sales. A few months later, she signed with The End Records. Understandably, EA still wanted to sell the album that had made her famous, and to which she had smartly retained the rights – which meant a brand new, “Deluxe” release of Opheliac. (Remember, from part 3? The one you could pre-order as a bundle with the book? Some projects are just cursed, I guess.)
At that point, Opheliac had been released three times already, as recently as the year before, with only slight variations in format and tracklist. (Yes, that is a theme in this story.) The End Records version would feature new cover art and a handful of new tracks, but overall, it was... you know... the same album.
(The following paragraphs are largely sourced from this excellent recap 🔍📝, which also provides potato screenshots for all quotes.)
One fateful day of August 2009, a user started a thread entitled “Opheliac US edition deluxe re-release??” in the “EA News” subforum. In the thread, some people were kind of balking at the re-do, pondering whether to buy the “new” Opheliac or sit this one out. Some expressed that after three years, they were jonesing for a new album. Others shared what B-sides or dream covers they would have liked to see included on the bonus disc. Just... fans being fans, in a fan discussion space.
And then EA jumped out from behind the curtains.
But maybe we can also agree that those replies should have been screamed into a pillow rather than typed out on a keyboard.
EA was getting increasingly (and, I'll just say it: disproportionately) sarcastic and defensive in her replies. Enter poor FantineDormouse.
FantineDormouse meant well, I think. Maybe she thought, she's spiraling. Maybe she thought, friends don't let friends go down that road. Granted, FantineDormouse probably should have known better than to phrase it the way she did. Or to assume that EA perceived her as a friend.
Either way, at some point, FantineDormouse jumped in and posted the comment that finally made EA lose it. THE comment which, overnight, ended the honeymoon period of the Asylum, triggering a doomsday domino effect from which the fandom would never truly recover. Are you comfortably seated?
* sound of archduke getting shot *
Jaws dropped. After days of infighting between white knights, detractors, and crossfire negotiators, several mod resignations, and general mayhem surrounding the ban, EA made a post entitled “In Which: I Invite You to Make a Fucking Choice.” 📝 For brevity's sake (cue laugh track), I can't reproduce it in all of its righteous splendor, but it's quite a read. It runs the gamut from fair and articulate points about how mental illness shouldn't be used to discredit someone's legitimate anger... to histrionic commands that “deserters to the cause” should “turn in their weapons” if they can't handle her way of doing things.
...And now you understand why, in the following years, some fans were so delicate and diplomatic in voicing their very legitimate complaints about messed-up orders, unsigned books, and puzzling lies... while unofficial platforms like Tumblr flourished with pent-up resentment and snark. 🦠
Notwithstanding. In my decade-plus of following EA drama, the public comments on EA's own platforms (where people knew she was likely to be reading) have been, for the most part... civil and nuanced, and relatively mindful of the human? Even very confrontational comments (some clearly written from a place of anger and desire to shame) rarely resorted to outright name-calling or cruelty. When abusive or bigoted language did crop up, it was often promptly shut down by other fans as gross and uncalled for. In short: I have, with mine own two eyes, in real time, read some of the comment sections that EA described as cesspools of blind rage and odious attacks, and... I just couldn't see it.
If anything, for a long time, a lot of the angry comments directed at EA during any given controversy read more like break-up letters to an ex-best friend: harsh, curt and targeted in a way that cuts deep.... but also kind of screams how much love you still have for this person, against your better judgement.
Not that it wouldn't mess a person up to get hundred of those in a matter of hours, even if they don't individually qualify as “abusive”.
It's worth noting that prior to becoming semi-famous and regretting it, EA was also (by her own account and among other forms of abuse) a victim of intense childhood bullying. It feels like the two situations are closely connected in her mind when her focus seamlessly transitions from one to the other. 📺 I don't think that tremor in her voice is put on.
Based on her writings, I get the feeling that over the years, EA has developed a very black-and-white view of two monolithic groups of people. There's (an idealized vision of) her “real audience”, well-dressed, well-read, kind-hearted, and Asylum-savvy, who she fully trusts to “get it” – and buy it, and love it, unquestioningly, whatever “it” may be at any given time – because that is the true measure of love and loyalty. These are the people she makes art and merch for, the people she writes heart-emoji-filled newsletters to, and desperately longs to see in person again.
And then there's the lynch mob, those who really don't “get it”: the trolls, the faceless creeps, the basement-dwelling mouthbreathers, the ones who stalk her every move obsessively, waiting for any chance to spam her with vicious abuse and slander and obscenities. The latter only exist online (they are manifested into arbitrary existence by the internet itself, not by anything EA said or did), and there is zero overlap between the two sets of people. That seems to be the official narrative.
It makes for outstanding human-interest entertainment... but it also sounds an awful lot like the unhealthy patterns of a person suffering from all sorts of PTSD. 🔍 So, please bear that in mind as you read through this write-up. It's easy to make EA out to be the sole villain, a paranoid and delusional drama queen, based on her extreme reactions to things that often “weren't that bad”. Anything can, in fact, be “that bad” when you're thrown back into the very worst moments of your existence every time your brain decides that the situation is even remotely similar.
PTSD takes over your rational mind and actively distorts your perception of reality. That can be how a person ends up impulse-reacting to “a few people expressing an unfavorable opinion” as if the entire internet had just ganged up on them with knives. Which makes their audience feel unjustly accused, which makes them hostile, which gives the person actual good reason to feel attacked... and so the cycle of hurt continues.
Just because you expect something unpleasant to happen, doesn't mean your psyche will be ready to handle it when it does – or that you'll pick the best and most effective strategy to deal with it.
EA's next big release after the Asylum book came in 2012. It was a new album, an outline of the soon-to-be Asylum musical, called Fight Like a Girl (FLAG for short). As the name suggests, the main mood was bellicose. Incidentally, in the interim years, EA's communication style generally became noticeably more combative, incendiary, and (within her own spaces) controlling.📝 You remember those quirky word filters on the forum, that would change “fan” to “muffin” and “bra” to “teacup holder”? They kind of took on a Nineteen-Eighty-Four-burlesque flavor when you realized that one filter automatically changed “Fischkopf” to “Liddell” - and that circumventing the rule to address her totally real last name would get you banned, as would any discussion of her family. (“Wikipedia, random internet sites and heresay are not credible sources.” - Mod reminder of forum rules, 2010.)
Also, you try sustaining a serious, grown-up conversation among concerned fans about how Emilie Autumn should “take ratsponsibility for her mistakes out of ratspect for her muffins”. Thus, the official Asylum forum kept a tight grip on overt criticism of EA's claims and actions.
To be fair, it was never her forte to begin with. Will it come as a shock if I tell you that EA doesn't have the greatest track record for successful collaborative work? Let's do a quick-cut montage!
EA's very first corporate sponsor was her mother's “Enchant Clothing & Costume” online store 🔍; she went on to claim that her mother was dead. She sessioned for Billy Corgan, that went super well. 🎵 She liked Courtney Love for a minute, but that didn't work out because she felt that Courtney only valued her for her pee. 📝 (It probably didn't help that in early 2006, while EA was recording her post-break-up-tell-all album about Corgan, C-Love was recording her post-rehab-redemption album with Corgan. 🔍 Either way, EA didn't seem to like Courtney anymore after that. Courtney likes her, though! 📝) The one artist EA has ever approached for a duet (and by approached, I mean she recorded a demo and threw the CD on stage when he played Chicago in 2004) was, of all people, Morrissey. That never came to pass, thank mercy 🔍 – this fandom has suffered enough. In 2005, EA recorded some haunting vocals and violins for a potential collab with the frontman of Attrition. When, three years later, they were used on one track 🎵 of Attrition's All Mine Enemies Whisper, she alleged 📝 that the recordings had been obtained from her under the false pretense of a different project, then hideously altered to sound “out of tune”, and used without her permission. She enlisted her fans to boycott the album and the band, and threatened legal action. Meanwhile, on LiveJournal and Attrition's message boards, band associates were appalled: according to them, EA had been aware of the project's nature from the start... and had been completely unreachable, even through her label, during the months of its development. (Besides, Attrition is a semi-obscure English darkwave band from the 80s, whose micro-distributed albums don't even have their own Wikipedia pages... so I wonder what EA was hoping to get out of that theoretical lawsuit. These people own nothing but vintage gain pedals!) The song “Cold Hard Cash” 🎤 by Angelspit (who contributed a remix to one of her EPs in 2008) may or may not be an EA diss track. 🐀 Back when indie jewelry brand RockLove (which now has licensing deals with Disney, Marvel, and DC) was still someone's bedroom project, their first drop was an EA-inspired collection 🔍, which appears in many early Opheliac photoshoots. The partnership was terminated on bad terms, for unclear reasons; the RockLove owner shared in a statement that EA had “drunk the cool-aid” of Trisol Guy's shady business practices, and that the two of them had been spamming her with “crazed angry message[s]” for days.
Why am I talking about this? Because it was precisely one such ill-fated business partnership that triggered the Great Asylum Secession.
One fine day of spring 2010, the owner of vegan make-up brand Aromaleigh popped onto the Asylum forum to announce that they were cutting ties with EA, with damning receipts of copy-pasted emails (lost to time). Basically, the brand had been sponsoring her for half a decade, and while Aromaleigh had been actively promoting her music and tours, EA hadn't exactly been returning the favor. (Indeed, the extent of EA's sponcon seemed to have been a banner link to their website on her front page, and a single “random drunken endorsement” LiveJournal post that kind of reads like satire📝, from 2005.)
EA responded by banning the owner's account, deleting the thread, and posting this flippant statement a few days later:
So one Plague Rat decided to create a separate, members-only forum 📝, where users could recreate some of the now-defunct off-topic threads... and also freely voice their critical opinions of EA's behavior without fear of backlash from mods or rabid stans. Thus, “The Reform” was born. (Reform [n]: amendment of what is defective, vicious, corrupt, or depraved.)
For a few weeks, the two-state solution seemed to work fine. And then word spread among forum mods and other diehard fans that there was this horrid other forum, where obsessive haters gathered to spew disgusting lies and vitriol about EA... and soon enough, it was bedlam in the Asylum.
Any explicit mention of the Reform was forbidden on the Asylum forum. Suspicion of participation in the Reform would get you banned. The party line was that The Reform was the enemy 🐀 – even though a number of people were active on both forums, because they liked freedom of expression almost as much as they liked EA. Double agents would lurk on the forum and report back with snark material; sycophants would infiltrate the Reform to identify traitors – much to the amusement of the “haters”, who mocked them and their ilk for “licking EA's pink sparkly boots”. There was no containing the seething, or the sass, among Asylum ranks.
Pretty soon, the insubordination spread to Tumblr. There was the “Ask the Reform” Q&A blog, where questioning fans could interact with “Rebel Rats”, get more details on past drama, and make up their own minds about the people EA called bullies.
And then, there were the “confession blogs”, which published anonymous submissions about EA, positive, negative or neutral, with little censorship. Finally, you didn't even have to pick a throw-away username on a private forum to voice your hottest / strangest / most controversial EA takes. Fans could vent, rant, lament, wonder, shitpost to their heart's content, anonymously. Obviously, given the context of frustration and censorship in the fandom, a lot of the first waves of confessions were EXTREMELY negative.
EA's acolyte Veronica managed to get the first one shut down. If memory serves, she misunderstood the confession blog format, and may have believed that all the posts on “Emilie Autumn Confessions” came from one or a small group of individuals. She was genuinely devastated, and wrote the blog admin to let them know that they were a terrible person who said terrible things. The admin was mortified, apologized profusely and deleted the blog of their own initiative. (Which goes to show that the concept did not come from cruel and malicious anti-fans, as detractors often claimed.)
But a new blog sprung up almost immediately, with a different mod team, and did not surrender. And much like in EA's own book, once the Plague Rats found out that they possessed the gift of speech... well, they really took to it.
Established in 2011 and passed on through generation after generation of mod teams to the present day, Wayward Victorian Confessions would turn out to be the longest-lived institution in the EA fandom. For over a decade now, through all the bleakest nights and dankest debacles of the Asylum, and despite its initial reputation as a troll den, WVC has acted as a kind of neutral ground and vox populi for the active fanbase and anti-fanbase. (The last nominally-active EA fansite to date, She Fights Like a Girl, is actually an offshoot of WVC: one of the old admins created it as a database to answer “frequently asked questions” about EA.)
Wayward Victorian Confessions has now outlived every other EA platform, official and unofficial. Were it not for the continued existence of the “troll den”, what little fan community survives in 2024 would be non-existent, plain and simple. To quote from late 20th century Canadian philosophy: isn't it ironic?
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She was not wrong. Welcome back to the Asylum write-up!
In this installment, we're finally getting down to the nitty-gritty of the enmity between EA and her fans.
It's time for war. It's time for blood. It's time... for tea. 🎵
THE PRESENT DAY: “ASK ME ANYTHING (WELL, NOT QUITE)”
"Ask me anything" titles are catchy, and that’s why I’m using one. But, obviously, don’t ask me anything, by which I mean that, if you think I wouldn’t answer it, you’re probably right. Ask me something really good. I’d love to answer you. I’d love to have comments on these posts, in fact, so that I could answer questions there regularly and ask you things as well, but insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, or so Einstein is supposed to have said, and attempting to create yet another interactive online venue after every previous attempt has ended in heartbreak—forums, facebook groups, social media accounts—it would indeed be insanity to think that this time would be any different. So there are no comments. This too is heartbreaking in the sense that, and you may not realize this, but I desperately want to connect more completely with you—to be able to intelligently converse and share and exchange. We can do that in person, of course, because the wrong people never show up in person. Isn’t that funny… So, perhaps we’ll have to arrange that;). I’ll start you off with an example question I’d want to know if I were you (I can almost guarantee that you do not want to know this). Q. Hey EA, how do you keep your wireless bodypack transmitter secure when you are leaping about in skimpy costumes and doing frequent costume changes? Also, dye your roots. A. Fantastic question, EA, and I just dyed my roots thank you very much. ... (Deleted blog post followed by a year of radio silence, 2022 📝)Sooo. For the past five-ish years, the vibe in the Asylum has been that of a protracted Christmas dinner where everyone is tensely moving their food around in their plate, bracing themselves for whatever will trigger the screaming match. Wondering what it's going to be this time. Weary old-timers make small talk about the food because no other topic feels safe. Every glance, every forced smile, is fraught with eons-old grudges and unspoken regrets; every nervous pleasantry sounds like a thinly-veiled accusation. Aunt Emilie always insists on hosting, but not-so-secretly hates having people over. Sooner or later, she finds a way to get all of these assholes out of her house. Most of the adult children are daydreaming about going no-contact.
Everyone ready for some dysfunctional family history?
CW for discussion of bullying, online harassment, mental illness stigma.
YE OLDEN DAYS: CUCKOOS OF A FEATHER NEST TOGETHER
In the beginning, it was beautiful.EA had the excellent instinct to start banking on her online presence📝 long before MySpace was even a thing. She had a website, several online stores, an active LiveJournal and a ProBoards forum right from the turn of the millennium.
In 2004, she attached an official forum to her website; the earliest archive shows 74 registered users. By the time Opheliac came out in 2006, that number had grown tenfold. And it was, by most accounts, a pretty dope place to be! (I should specify that this write-up focuses on the anglophone side of the fandom: there were also thriving fan-run communities in at least German, French, and Spanish. Because EA doesn't speak any of those languages, the lucky bastards were mostly left alone.)
Forum users enjoyed interacting with some of EA's closest IRL friends and associates – and with the mistress of the house herself (user flair: PsychoFiddler), when she occasionally responded to comments under her own posts. But that wasn't even the main appeal for many. For a long time, on top of all EA-related topics, the official forum had very active “Off-Topic” subforums, with lively and friendly conversation on a variety of subjects. (There was even a “Filthy Libertines (18+)” sub for a while, which was closed due to preemptive concerns about minors.) Swear words (not slurs) were allowed and encouraged, and moderation was overall pretty loose beyond basic enforcement of civility. There was a lot of mutual support, creativity, and solid banter going around.
It wasn't just about Emilie on the forums. People could chat about almost anything with near free reign, making connections and lifelong friends. ... This community mattered SO MUCH to people. They felt included, accepted, and understood within the walls of the Asylum. People invested their time and creative energy into keeping the forums a vibrant, active community, and made sure that carried over into the real world. ... I've never seen anything like it in a fan space. I doubt I ever will again. (@Asylum_Oracle - “Fandom History” Instagram highlight 🔍📝, which contains most of the sources for this segment.)And it did, indeed, carry over into the real world. There were numerous meet-ups – a few organized by EA, many more spontaneous. People who didn't know any other EA fans in real life, or were just excited to add new Plague Rats to their friend group, would regularly connect with other forum users from their area to meet up and hang out before EA shows. “Who else is dressing up??”
In 2008, for instance, EA held an afternoon meet-up at Lincoln Park in Chicago. 📺 The event was free to attend; it featured live acoustic music and a reading from EA's upcoming book, the intriguingly-titled Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls.
On the appointed day, EA rolled up in a fabulously tousled red wig, bedazzled white corset and steampunk-altered wedding dress. She had brought friends alongs. Sporting blue hair and a pink bustle and corset was her Chicago bestie, the main forum admin. Rocking a guitar and a top hat was EA's sound engineer, the soft-spoken wizard behind the Victoriandustrial sound, who was also a forum mod. The photographer from the original Opheliac cover art was there as well; he was formally introduced by EA and got his own round of applause.
People who would never normally be involved in an artist's fanbase were in EA's world. And not only were they known – they were respected and incredibly active with the fanbase. These people who managed an online message board were willing to engage in real-world meet-ups (with no security??) because of how tight-knit the community they had built was. People turned out to this event. People traveled to go to this event. It was a short reading of a book that hadn't been released yet, and wouldn't be for some time. Why? Because not only was it a chance to meet Emilie and listen to parts of the new book, but it was also a chance to hang out with their friends from the Asylum. ... The fandom really was a family for a lot of people. (@Asylum_Oracle)
“SERIOUSLY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.”
It all started with The End.The End Records, that is! Quick refresher: in 2009, after three years or so with Trisol, EA split from the label over allegations that the owner was embezzling money from ticket sales. A few months later, she signed with The End Records. Understandably, EA still wanted to sell the album that had made her famous, and to which she had smartly retained the rights – which meant a brand new, “Deluxe” release of Opheliac. (Remember, from part 3? The one you could pre-order as a bundle with the book? Some projects are just cursed, I guess.)
At that point, Opheliac had been released three times already, as recently as the year before, with only slight variations in format and tracklist. (Yes, that is a theme in this story.) The End Records version would feature new cover art and a handful of new tracks, but overall, it was... you know... the same album.
(The following paragraphs are largely sourced from this excellent recap 🔍📝, which also provides potato screenshots for all quotes.)
One fateful day of August 2009, a user started a thread entitled “Opheliac US edition deluxe re-release??” in the “EA News” subforum. In the thread, some people were kind of balking at the re-do, pondering whether to buy the “new” Opheliac or sit this one out. Some expressed that after three years, they were jonesing for a new album. Others shared what B-sides or dream covers they would have liked to see included on the bonus disc. Just... fans being fans, in a fan discussion space.
And then EA jumped out from behind the curtains.
Fan: Okay. Before I start, I just want you to know that I think it's very good that EA is getting more popularity, and that she can release lots of albums, but - are 5 editions of the same album really needed? You may say now “ah, it's not the same, it has 2 bonus tracks” or whatever, but I mean: it's not new material. Now don't get me wrong. I'm happy for it, maybe I'll even buy it, but I'm just wondering if she shouldn't keep herself busy with other (maybe more important) stuff? * hides * EA: Nobody's forcing you to buy it. Thanks.Record scratch.
Fan 1: is this Opheliac release version number 4? lol If she's recording NEW tracks, then surely they deserve to be sold by themselves, otherwise people are going to have to buy an album that they may have already bought twice (like me!). But... alas, I am a fool and adore everything this woman does... im buying it lol Fan 2: exactly – if it was just reissuing the last version of Opheliac to tap into new markets that would be fine (...) but if they start adding extra bits of material to albums people already have then the true muffins are going to feel obliged to buy new copies (...) EA: How exactly are you obliged to buy anything? Nobody is forcing you to spend a fucking penny, my dears. I suppose it would make more sense to you to simply not have my records available any more as the old label I just escaped from will no longer be distributing them? Forgive me for adding extra tracks. No obligation necessary....Okay, so I'm pretty sure that we can see both sides of the argument here. Fans are annoyed at the idea of spending money on barely-anything-new, because they love EA and buy every single CD she releases. EA is exasperated by fans acting like she's twisting their arm and somehow resenting the inclusion of new material, when she was just ensuring that her album would remain available for purchase and trying to keep things interesting.
But maybe we can also agree that those replies should have been screamed into a pillow rather than typed out on a keyboard.
EA was getting increasingly (and, I'll just say it: disproportionately) sarcastic and defensive in her replies. Enter poor FantineDormouse.
FantineDormouse meant well, I think. Maybe she thought, she's spiraling. Maybe she thought, friends don't let friends go down that road. Granted, FantineDormouse probably should have known better than to phrase it the way she did. Or to assume that EA perceived her as a friend.
Either way, at some point, FantineDormouse jumped in and posted the comment that finally made EA lose it. THE comment which, overnight, ended the honeymoon period of the Asylum, triggering a doomsday domino effect from which the fandom would never truly recover. Are you comfortably seated?
FantineDormouse: Uhm, Emilie, love, I don't mean to sound rude or anything... but maybe you should have a cup of tea and relax a little....
* sound of archduke getting shot *
EA: Excuse me? You can throw this onslaught of absolute cruel bullshit at me and those I work with in my own space that I own, and I can't say anything back? How fucking patronizing. Relax? Are you fucking kidding me? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? FD: I'm not trying to piss you off even more, Emilie. And trust me, I have to deal with it myself, and as much as I would really love to punch the cunts I have to deal with in the face, I don't. You're pissed off, I get it. You're bipolar, which makes it 10x worse, I get that. I'm just not the person to stand around and do nothing when a fight where I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of regret is going on.Famous last words. Literally! Immediately after EA delivered her irate closing statement – which includes one of my all-time favorite EA zingers, bolded...
EA: I cannot believe this... You just don't stop, do you? So just because I've shared the personal information with you all that I happen to be bipolar, I can't get pissed off at all of you being perfectly awful in the very space that I pay fuckloads a month to have up (has it ever occurred to you all that I pay dearly for this space you play around in?) Why not just tell me that I must be upset because it's my time of the month? Seriously, get the fuck out of my house. You are unbelievable, and your level of patronization is almost criminal. Don't make me write another book. With muffins like you, who needs enemies? Nothing I say or feel is legitimate, not ever ever ever because I'm bipolar... discredited before I begin... unbelievable......FantineDormouse got permabanned.
Jaws dropped. After days of infighting between white knights, detractors, and crossfire negotiators, several mod resignations, and general mayhem surrounding the ban, EA made a post entitled “In Which: I Invite You to Make a Fucking Choice.” 📝 For brevity's sake (cue laugh track), I can't reproduce it in all of its righteous splendor, but it's quite a read. It runs the gamut from fair and articulate points about how mental illness shouldn't be used to discredit someone's legitimate anger... to histrionic commands that “deserters to the cause” should “turn in their weapons” if they can't handle her way of doing things.
To those of you who appear not to understand why said posts, most especially those of the banned party, were offensive to me, I give you the option to either educate yourselves on your own time and in your own space (because please never forget that this is my space that I share with all of you at my own expense, and in which I generally give you all the freedom I would wish for myself), or to resign your posts in the Asylum Army – this is not the place for you, and I humbly suggest that you turn your attention and support towards other artists of a more placid, non-controversial, and less opinionated nature; there are more than enough of them out there, and I’m sure they all have forums of their own.Some fans did leave. Most stuck around, whiplashed. Soon, the storm quieted down, and business as usual resumed on the forum. But something had been damaged beyond repair. The FantineDormouse fiasco had erected walls and drawn lines in the sand, both around EA and among her fans; its sad specter would haunt every Asylum crisis that spiked up forever after. “Fucking Patronizing Fucking” or “FPF” 🔍 became memetic shorthand in the fandom for overreaction and self-righteousness. 🐀
...And now you understand why, in the following years, some fans were so delicate and diplomatic in voicing their very legitimate complaints about messed-up orders, unsigned books, and puzzling lies... while unofficial platforms like Tumblr flourished with pent-up resentment and snark. 🦠
A NOTE ON HARASSMENT: “MAD GIRL, CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU?”
Wouldn't they stop When you asked them to leave you alone? (“Mad Girl”, 2008 🎵)Now, let's be clear, because it should not be minimized: EA has also been the target of genuine online harassment. Based on the simple fact that she is a woman with a public presence on the internet, I have zero doubt that EA has received (and perhaps continues to receive) more than her share of truly vile, bigoted, creepy and threatening messages – and, knowing what I know about the darker recesses of the Asylum, a terrifying amount of emotional blackmail and obsessive projection from people who hold her to punitively high standards. I'm also inclined to believe that it started way before she ever did anything that warranted any backlash. And that fucking sucks. It's repulsive and inexcusable, and the people who harass her should crawl into a hole and live among the worms.
Notwithstanding. In my decade-plus of following EA drama, the public comments on EA's own platforms (where people knew she was likely to be reading) have been, for the most part... civil and nuanced, and relatively mindful of the human? Even very confrontational comments (some clearly written from a place of anger and desire to shame) rarely resorted to outright name-calling or cruelty. When abusive or bigoted language did crop up, it was often promptly shut down by other fans as gross and uncalled for. In short: I have, with mine own two eyes, in real time, read some of the comment sections that EA described as cesspools of blind rage and odious attacks, and... I just couldn't see it.
If anything, for a long time, a lot of the angry comments directed at EA during any given controversy read more like break-up letters to an ex-best friend: harsh, curt and targeted in a way that cuts deep.... but also kind of screams how much love you still have for this person, against your better judgement.
Not that it wouldn't mess a person up to get hundred of those in a matter of hours, even if they don't individually qualify as “abusive”.
It's worth noting that prior to becoming semi-famous and regretting it, EA was also (by her own account and among other forms of abuse) a victim of intense childhood bullying. It feels like the two situations are closely connected in her mind when her focus seamlessly transitions from one to the other. 📺 I don't think that tremor in her voice is put on.
Based on her writings, I get the feeling that over the years, EA has developed a very black-and-white view of two monolithic groups of people. There's (an idealized vision of) her “real audience”, well-dressed, well-read, kind-hearted, and Asylum-savvy, who she fully trusts to “get it” – and buy it, and love it, unquestioningly, whatever “it” may be at any given time – because that is the true measure of love and loyalty. These are the people she makes art and merch for, the people she writes heart-emoji-filled newsletters to, and desperately longs to see in person again.
And then there's the lynch mob, those who really don't “get it”: the trolls, the faceless creeps, the basement-dwelling mouthbreathers, the ones who stalk her every move obsessively, waiting for any chance to spam her with vicious abuse and slander and obscenities. The latter only exist online (they are manifested into arbitrary existence by the internet itself, not by anything EA said or did), and there is zero overlap between the two sets of people. That seems to be the official narrative.
The "public eye" isn't an [enviable] place to be, and the closer I've come to it, the more horrified I've been. Because, for starters, who is "the public?" Is "the public" my audience? Hell no. My audience is special. They are not the general public. If they were the general public I would be a lot wealthier. The "public eye" means getting stalked, harassed, viscously judged, and put in danger. If I do things in the future that gain notoriety, I will do them in spite of fame, not because of it. I am out for world domination, but not fame. (Interview for The Moaning Times, 2014 📝)In real life (well, mostly online, but I mean: on this shared plane of existence), things play out slightly differently. The Venn diagram of “true blue fans” and “people who criticize EA" and "people who know way too much about EA” is a circle. The call is 100% coming from inside the Asylum, and I think EA rationally knows that. But here's the thing: no matter how many shows and meet-and-greets you've dressed up for, how many loving and supportive comments you've left, or how many family heirlooms you once pawned to purchase a copy of the not-for-sale 2003 DJ pressing of Enchant... the instant EA feels attacked, everyone is a saboteur and a bully until proven otherwise, and suspected treason is dealt with on the spot. One strike, you're out. Unfortunately for everyone involved, her threshold for bullying seems to be “any remotely thoughtless opinion from any stranger on the internet”.
It makes for outstanding human-interest entertainment... but it also sounds an awful lot like the unhealthy patterns of a person suffering from all sorts of PTSD. 🔍 So, please bear that in mind as you read through this write-up. It's easy to make EA out to be the sole villain, a paranoid and delusional drama queen, based on her extreme reactions to things that often “weren't that bad”. Anything can, in fact, be “that bad” when you're thrown back into the very worst moments of your existence every time your brain decides that the situation is even remotely similar.
PTSD takes over your rational mind and actively distorts your perception of reality. That can be how a person ends up impulse-reacting to “a few people expressing an unfavorable opinion” as if the entire internet had just ganged up on them with knives. Which makes their audience feel unjustly accused, which makes them hostile, which gives the person actual good reason to feel attacked... and so the cycle of hurt continues.
You know the games I play And the words I say When I want my own way You know the lies I tell When you've gone through hell And I say I can't stay You know how hard it can be To keep believing in me When everything and everyone Becomes my enemy, and when There's nothing more you can do I'm gonna blame it on you – It's not the way I wanna be I only hope that in the end You will see: It's the Opheliac in me... (“Opheliac”, 2006 🎵)And YES, it is extremely regrettable to have this as a trigger, when you're a public figure and you're bound to receive more negative feedback than the average citizen. “It's what she signed up for”, “it comes with the territory” and all that jazz. I really don't think EA was unaware of that fact when she decided to become a musician, share her personal life, and form an intense parasocial bond with her audience. But maybe she underestimated how hard it would be to process and recover from.
Just because you expect something unpleasant to happen, doesn't mean your psyche will be ready to handle it when it does – or that you'll pick the best and most effective strategy to deal with it.
A MADHOUSE UNDER MARTIAL LAW: MARCHING INTO THE FORUM WARS
There are two sides to every story... except for this one! (“If I Burn”, 2012 🎵)You may have noted the military imagery in EA's “Make a Fucking Choice” response post – “resign your post in the Asylum Army”! What do psychiatry and the military have in common? They're both institutions of top-down social control. 🔍 EA's mixed metaphor may be a bit clunky, but it did foreshadow the evolution of the Asylum – in terms of aesthetics and power dynamics – in the years that followed the FantineDormouse incident and the release of The Book.
EA's next big release after the Asylum book came in 2012. It was a new album, an outline of the soon-to-be Asylum musical, called Fight Like a Girl (FLAG for short). As the name suggests, the main mood was bellicose. Incidentally, in the interim years, EA's communication style generally became noticeably more combative, incendiary, and (within her own spaces) controlling.📝 You remember those quirky word filters on the forum, that would change “fan” to “muffin” and “bra” to “teacup holder”? They kind of took on a Nineteen-Eighty-Four-burlesque flavor when you realized that one filter automatically changed “Fischkopf” to “Liddell” - and that circumventing the rule to address her totally real last name would get you banned, as would any discussion of her family. (“Wikipedia, random internet sites and heresay are not credible sources.” - Mod reminder of forum rules, 2010.)
Also, you try sustaining a serious, grown-up conversation among concerned fans about how Emilie Autumn should “take ratsponsibility for her mistakes out of ratspect for her muffins”. Thus, the official Asylum forum kept a tight grip on overt criticism of EA's claims and actions.
The Emilie Autumn forum is a dystopian hell. Truth be told, when I decided to leave you could not do anything but gush about Emilie. Otherwise all of her extremist arse kissing fans will be down your throat, ripping you apart in seconds, if you so much as questioned her behaviour. So much for freedom of opinion, let alone the idea of creating a harmonious community for ‘outcasts’. Hahaha. (2014 🐀)The word filter thing really wasn't a big deal – I'm just pointing it out as one goofy expression of EA's need to control the narrative and rhetoric, which became especially noticeable in those post-book, pre-FLAG years. By that point, EA's fuse had been shortened by near on half a decade of non-stop touring / recording / writing / promoting / adjusting to the pressure and demands of an ever-growing fanbase, while also dealing with a horrorshow of personal turmoil and health issues behind the scenes. In other words: she was done taking any shit, in any form, or humoring anyone's ridiculous feedback regarding anything.
To be fair, it was never her forte to begin with. Will it come as a shock if I tell you that EA doesn't have the greatest track record for successful collaborative work? Let's do a quick-cut montage!
EA's very first corporate sponsor was her mother's “Enchant Clothing & Costume” online store 🔍; she went on to claim that her mother was dead. She sessioned for Billy Corgan, that went super well. 🎵 She liked Courtney Love for a minute, but that didn't work out because she felt that Courtney only valued her for her pee. 📝 (It probably didn't help that in early 2006, while EA was recording her post-break-up-tell-all album about Corgan, C-Love was recording her post-rehab-redemption album with Corgan. 🔍 Either way, EA didn't seem to like Courtney anymore after that. Courtney likes her, though! 📝) The one artist EA has ever approached for a duet (and by approached, I mean she recorded a demo and threw the CD on stage when he played Chicago in 2004) was, of all people, Morrissey. That never came to pass, thank mercy 🔍 – this fandom has suffered enough. In 2005, EA recorded some haunting vocals and violins for a potential collab with the frontman of Attrition. When, three years later, they were used on one track 🎵 of Attrition's All Mine Enemies Whisper, she alleged 📝 that the recordings had been obtained from her under the false pretense of a different project, then hideously altered to sound “out of tune”, and used without her permission. She enlisted her fans to boycott the album and the band, and threatened legal action. Meanwhile, on LiveJournal and Attrition's message boards, band associates were appalled: according to them, EA had been aware of the project's nature from the start... and had been completely unreachable, even through her label, during the months of its development. (Besides, Attrition is a semi-obscure English darkwave band from the 80s, whose micro-distributed albums don't even have their own Wikipedia pages... so I wonder what EA was hoping to get out of that theoretical lawsuit. These people own nothing but vintage gain pedals!) The song “Cold Hard Cash” 🎤 by Angelspit (who contributed a remix to one of her EPs in 2008) may or may not be an EA diss track. 🐀 Back when indie jewelry brand RockLove (which now has licensing deals with Disney, Marvel, and DC) was still someone's bedroom project, their first drop was an EA-inspired collection 🔍, which appears in many early Opheliac photoshoots. The partnership was terminated on bad terms, for unclear reasons; the RockLove owner shared in a statement that EA had “drunk the cool-aid” of Trisol Guy's shady business practices, and that the two of them had been spamming her with “crazed angry message[s]” for days.
Why am I talking about this? Because it was precisely one such ill-fated business partnership that triggered the Great Asylum Secession.
One fine day of spring 2010, the owner of vegan make-up brand Aromaleigh popped onto the Asylum forum to announce that they were cutting ties with EA, with damning receipts of copy-pasted emails (lost to time). Basically, the brand had been sponsoring her for half a decade, and while Aromaleigh had been actively promoting her music and tours, EA hadn't exactly been returning the favor. (Indeed, the extent of EA's sponcon seemed to have been a banner link to their website on her front page, and a single “random drunken endorsement” LiveJournal post that kind of reads like satire📝, from 2005.)
EA responded by banning the owner's account, deleting the thread, and posting this flippant statement a few days later:
Dearest Plague Rats, To be honest, I have no idea of what the hell happened with Aromaleigh, and I don't care to find out – the whole drama is a complete mystery to me, as I've been away for months touring and have not been in contact with anyone. All I know is that I've been promoting the company for ages and have not asked them for anything in years. (...) Please focus on more interesting things. I am. (“Save the Drama...” forum post, March 2010)Posts questioning her good faith in the conflict were deleted from the forum. Shortly thereafter, citing how prolific and labor-intensive the Asylum forum had grown, EA shut down all non-EA related subforums – which, among many other topics, included a pretty active thread about Aromaleigh products.
So one Plague Rat decided to create a separate, members-only forum 📝, where users could recreate some of the now-defunct off-topic threads... and also freely voice their critical opinions of EA's behavior without fear of backlash from mods or rabid stans. Thus, “The Reform” was born. (Reform [n]: amendment of what is defective, vicious, corrupt, or depraved.)
For a few weeks, the two-state solution seemed to work fine. And then word spread among forum mods and other diehard fans that there was this horrid other forum, where obsessive haters gathered to spew disgusting lies and vitriol about EA... and soon enough, it was bedlam in the Asylum.
Any explicit mention of the Reform was forbidden on the Asylum forum. Suspicion of participation in the Reform would get you banned. The party line was that The Reform was the enemy 🐀 – even though a number of people were active on both forums, because they liked freedom of expression almost as much as they liked EA. Double agents would lurk on the forum and report back with snark material; sycophants would infiltrate the Reform to identify traitors – much to the amusement of the “haters”, who mocked them and their ilk for “licking EA's pink sparkly boots”. There was no containing the seething, or the sass, among Asylum ranks.
Pretty soon, the insubordination spread to Tumblr. There was the “Ask the Reform” Q&A blog, where questioning fans could interact with “Rebel Rats”, get more details on past drama, and make up their own minds about the people EA called bullies.
And then, there were the “confession blogs”, which published anonymous submissions about EA, positive, negative or neutral, with little censorship. Finally, you didn't even have to pick a throw-away username on a private forum to voice your hottest / strangest / most controversial EA takes. Fans could vent, rant, lament, wonder, shitpost to their heart's content, anonymously. Obviously, given the context of frustration and censorship in the fandom, a lot of the first waves of confessions were EXTREMELY negative.
EA's acolyte Veronica managed to get the first one shut down. If memory serves, she misunderstood the confession blog format, and may have believed that all the posts on “Emilie Autumn Confessions” came from one or a small group of individuals. She was genuinely devastated, and wrote the blog admin to let them know that they were a terrible person who said terrible things. The admin was mortified, apologized profusely and deleted the blog of their own initiative. (Which goes to show that the concept did not come from cruel and malicious anti-fans, as detractors often claimed.)
But a new blog sprung up almost immediately, with a different mod team, and did not surrender. And much like in EA's own book, once the Plague Rats found out that they possessed the gift of speech... well, they really took to it.
Established in 2011 and passed on through generation after generation of mod teams to the present day, Wayward Victorian Confessions would turn out to be the longest-lived institution in the EA fandom. For over a decade now, through all the bleakest nights and dankest debacles of the Asylum, and despite its initial reputation as a troll den, WVC has acted as a kind of neutral ground and vox populi for the active fanbase and anti-fanbase. (The last nominally-active EA fansite to date, She Fights Like a Girl, is actually an offshoot of WVC: one of the old admins created it as a database to answer “frequently asked questions” about EA.)
Wayward Victorian Confessions has now outlived every other EA platform, official and unofficial. Were it not for the continued existence of the “troll den”, what little fan community survives in 2024 would be non-existent, plain and simple. To quote from late 20th century Canadian philosophy: isn't it ironic?
I feel like [WVC] is the only place I feel any of that old Asylum community kind of feeling I felt before EA got so focused on the book. It sucks that it’s so full of unhappiness, and I wish she hadn’t poisoned the sanctuary she claimed to have built. It’s just kind of fallen apart, like a crumbling building. (🐀 2016)
CONTINUED IN COMMENTS
2024.05.10 13:03 Rickkins1 Unprecedented 3D wiring diagram of human brain looks like a tiny world
 | submitted by Rickkins1 to FluffyBunnies [link] [comments] |
2024.05.10 11:52 I_thght_he_was_wth_u Unprecedented 3D wiring diagram of human brain looks like a tiny world
| | submitted by I_thght_he_was_wth_u to Techfeed [link] [comments] |
2024.05.10 09:51 Sad-Duty6726 Guys type me pleasee!!
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I am 24, female
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
I have been suffering from anxiety all my life.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My family was fairly religious and I did not mind it all that much because I loved listening to all the myths and stories but I wouldn't call myself religious. In fact, I would describe myself as an atheist or an agnostic but my family doesn't care all that much. Since, I belonged to an Asian family there was always this immense pressure to perform and be the best at everything as failure was not an option. Even though my dad had no money he always earned money for us somehow to make sure we lived as comfortably as possible. Our mother on the other hand used to straight up emotionally (sometimes even physically) abuse us to make sure we made our dad proud because of everything that he has been through. Our father suffered from a heart attack when I was 8 and thankfully survived but since then, the stakes have been always high to earn money as quickly as possible to take care of my family, me being the eldest and all.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I am a medical student almost done with my under graduation and I partly chose this career due to pressure from my parents and since I was relatively good at science in school, I eventually came to fall in love with it. Although I don't like helping the humanity part all that much, I do love, love the subjects and came to appreciate the art of medicine and the thrill of a diagnosis and the vast amount of knowledge it requires to just be good at a surface level.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I would feel absolutely amazing and recharged.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I love reading- I used to enjoy fiction and fantasy a lot when I was a kid but now I want to read about philosophy and the universe and the meaning of it all. I am relatively good at sports and I played badminton professionally and I absolutely love swimming. I prefer indoor activities to outdoor ones as I feel like I just get drained from all the stimulation.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I would definitely describe myself as curious as I really want to learn how things work and what they mean and why do they work the way they do and I keep wondering how the human mind often creates or reinvents things that have always existed or perhaps didn't. I wish I had the time and energy to learn more about everything. I often find myself thinking about what I need to do in a day and how to do it efficiently when I am under pressure but if I were to let my mind roam freely then I find myself having various opinions on random things or concepts or people's behaviors.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Even though I do not like taking up leadership positions, there have been incidences in the past which might have implied I would be good at it and the reason is because I always, always kept my colleagues well being a priority and made sure I stood up for them when needed and appreciated the sense of camaraderie and the feeling that the work that everyone put into mattered and benefited the group as a whole.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I always find myself having a difficult time to catch on to things where hands are required. Its not that I am clumsy but I find myself staring at my hands clueless what to do, despite being repeatedly told to use them a certain way. But once I get the hang of it I do enjoy it because I get the feeling that I mastered something that I find difficult.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I am not artistic, however, I appreciate art and the purpose it serves. Be it music, ''art'' art, literature, sculptures, architecture of ancient ruins etc., they always have something to say about the human nature and progression of mankind and I like how they make you question in what instance and circumstance an artist came to the said idea and how they executed them. I specifically enjoy art forms that paint a picture about the past and all the lives humans have lived because they, in a way, make you question about the future as to how the humans will be/progress.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past, I think, is important to find answers because I believe that sometimes that is where clues lie to certain puzzles but other than that it is quite annoying when people dwell on the past, be it myself, or others. Pardon me for sounding pretentious but the present is quite overrated but calming, the future, on the other hand, I think leaves a little blank in my head because I don't know if I have to think and worry about my future or the humanity's. But I do find it comforting to think that in the end, nothing matters haha.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I immediately help only if I think I should. If I suspect any ill intention or an ulterior motive then I refuse immediately as I have low tolerance for bs. I came to learn that kindness is important for the society to function but it comes at a high cost and I help a lot of people minimally but if they require a lot of my time and energy then usually its a big no unless it benefits me as well or its my loved ones or those I think deserve- then I try and give all of it.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yes and no.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
They're very important to me because that's how you get ahead in life, however, its quite exhausting. I used to beat myself up if I did not finish a task on time and now I am not as harsh on myself.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
NOOO, I hate when people try to control others as everybody is subjected to their own actions and emotions.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I just draw up a random article about a random thing online and read about it haha. Other than that I really have no energy to keep up with the various things I am interested in. If I do have the time and energy I would like to swim, learn a language watch a tv show and read a a book on the universe/ neuroscience/ philosophy and teach myself physics and math because I suck at them. And I love trying food at various restaurants.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
When I learn about something I tend to obsessively get stuck at a point and research about it in depth unless I knew everything about it. I just get obsessed with the details and go nowhere which is why I know the most random things in depth and nothing else. I absolutely suck at thinking logically and often find myself having ''brain fog'' if anything even remotely requires analytical thinking. I cannot get over this brain fog unless I put it on paper to make sense of things slowly. I am quite good at memorizing things, average at creative thinking. Whenever I learn something I like to interpret it myself rather than having someone break it down for me and often prefer diagram/ models/ pictures to text.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I see how strategizing can be efficient but its exhausting to plan and execute so I wing it as I go. I hate rigid schedules because there is no room for improvisation!
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
I want to create/ invent something and contribute something to the world and make use of my existence. It can be a machine, a drug, a theory- anything. Still waiting for that "aha" moment haha. It doesn't necessarily have to be revolutionary but if it contributes to something then my existence will be meaningful.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear losing my dog. Eff humans but my dog is the most precious thing to me in the world. Also fear getting Alzheimer's and losing my sense of self or being dependent on someone for the rest of my life. I hate people who are narrow minded, unempathetic, manipulative, have no sense of right or wrong and those who harm animals. And those who follow the crowd without using their brain. And financial instability.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
A high would be a peaceful morning and a productive day.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Lows are being stuck in a state of anxiety, stress, burnout and being financially unstable.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I am often present in the reality and daydream rarely.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I will think about.....all the things I would do if I get out of that room. I would also enjoy the quite and peace if its for a short time.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I am very decisive and opiniated and also quite stubborn about it.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I tend to quickly process my emotions without thinking and act on them- only if I am at home or in front of my family. Emotions are important to me even though I try not to get them the best of me.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Yes but if it is happening too often and I don't like it/them, I just leave.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
As much as I detest authority, I still follow the rules for the sake of it. I would love to overthrow everything that is corrupted if I have the power, energy and the opportunity.
submitted by Sad-Duty6726 to MbtiTypeMe [link] [comments]
I am 24, female
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
I have been suffering from anxiety all my life.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My family was fairly religious and I did not mind it all that much because I loved listening to all the myths and stories but I wouldn't call myself religious. In fact, I would describe myself as an atheist or an agnostic but my family doesn't care all that much. Since, I belonged to an Asian family there was always this immense pressure to perform and be the best at everything as failure was not an option. Even though my dad had no money he always earned money for us somehow to make sure we lived as comfortably as possible. Our mother on the other hand used to straight up emotionally (sometimes even physically) abuse us to make sure we made our dad proud because of everything that he has been through. Our father suffered from a heart attack when I was 8 and thankfully survived but since then, the stakes have been always high to earn money as quickly as possible to take care of my family, me being the eldest and all.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I am a medical student almost done with my under graduation and I partly chose this career due to pressure from my parents and since I was relatively good at science in school, I eventually came to fall in love with it. Although I don't like helping the humanity part all that much, I do love, love the subjects and came to appreciate the art of medicine and the thrill of a diagnosis and the vast amount of knowledge it requires to just be good at a surface level.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I would feel absolutely amazing and recharged.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I love reading- I used to enjoy fiction and fantasy a lot when I was a kid but now I want to read about philosophy and the universe and the meaning of it all. I am relatively good at sports and I played badminton professionally and I absolutely love swimming. I prefer indoor activities to outdoor ones as I feel like I just get drained from all the stimulation.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I would definitely describe myself as curious as I really want to learn how things work and what they mean and why do they work the way they do and I keep wondering how the human mind often creates or reinvents things that have always existed or perhaps didn't. I wish I had the time and energy to learn more about everything. I often find myself thinking about what I need to do in a day and how to do it efficiently when I am under pressure but if I were to let my mind roam freely then I find myself having various opinions on random things or concepts or people's behaviors.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Even though I do not like taking up leadership positions, there have been incidences in the past which might have implied I would be good at it and the reason is because I always, always kept my colleagues well being a priority and made sure I stood up for them when needed and appreciated the sense of camaraderie and the feeling that the work that everyone put into mattered and benefited the group as a whole.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I always find myself having a difficult time to catch on to things where hands are required. Its not that I am clumsy but I find myself staring at my hands clueless what to do, despite being repeatedly told to use them a certain way. But once I get the hang of it I do enjoy it because I get the feeling that I mastered something that I find difficult.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I am not artistic, however, I appreciate art and the purpose it serves. Be it music, ''art'' art, literature, sculptures, architecture of ancient ruins etc., they always have something to say about the human nature and progression of mankind and I like how they make you question in what instance and circumstance an artist came to the said idea and how they executed them. I specifically enjoy art forms that paint a picture about the past and all the lives humans have lived because they, in a way, make you question about the future as to how the humans will be/progress.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past, I think, is important to find answers because I believe that sometimes that is where clues lie to certain puzzles but other than that it is quite annoying when people dwell on the past, be it myself, or others. Pardon me for sounding pretentious but the present is quite overrated but calming, the future, on the other hand, I think leaves a little blank in my head because I don't know if I have to think and worry about my future or the humanity's. But I do find it comforting to think that in the end, nothing matters haha.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I immediately help only if I think I should. If I suspect any ill intention or an ulterior motive then I refuse immediately as I have low tolerance for bs. I came to learn that kindness is important for the society to function but it comes at a high cost and I help a lot of people minimally but if they require a lot of my time and energy then usually its a big no unless it benefits me as well or its my loved ones or those I think deserve- then I try and give all of it.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yes and no.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
They're very important to me because that's how you get ahead in life, however, its quite exhausting. I used to beat myself up if I did not finish a task on time and now I am not as harsh on myself.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
NOOO, I hate when people try to control others as everybody is subjected to their own actions and emotions.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I just draw up a random article about a random thing online and read about it haha. Other than that I really have no energy to keep up with the various things I am interested in. If I do have the time and energy I would like to swim, learn a language watch a tv show and read a a book on the universe/ neuroscience/ philosophy and teach myself physics and math because I suck at them. And I love trying food at various restaurants.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
When I learn about something I tend to obsessively get stuck at a point and research about it in depth unless I knew everything about it. I just get obsessed with the details and go nowhere which is why I know the most random things in depth and nothing else. I absolutely suck at thinking logically and often find myself having ''brain fog'' if anything even remotely requires analytical thinking. I cannot get over this brain fog unless I put it on paper to make sense of things slowly. I am quite good at memorizing things, average at creative thinking. Whenever I learn something I like to interpret it myself rather than having someone break it down for me and often prefer diagram/ models/ pictures to text.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I see how strategizing can be efficient but its exhausting to plan and execute so I wing it as I go. I hate rigid schedules because there is no room for improvisation!
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
I want to create/ invent something and contribute something to the world and make use of my existence. It can be a machine, a drug, a theory- anything. Still waiting for that "aha" moment haha. It doesn't necessarily have to be revolutionary but if it contributes to something then my existence will be meaningful.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear losing my dog. Eff humans but my dog is the most precious thing to me in the world. Also fear getting Alzheimer's and losing my sense of self or being dependent on someone for the rest of my life. I hate people who are narrow minded, unempathetic, manipulative, have no sense of right or wrong and those who harm animals. And those who follow the crowd without using their brain. And financial instability.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
A high would be a peaceful morning and a productive day.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Lows are being stuck in a state of anxiety, stress, burnout and being financially unstable.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I am often present in the reality and daydream rarely.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I will think about.....all the things I would do if I get out of that room. I would also enjoy the quite and peace if its for a short time.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I am very decisive and opiniated and also quite stubborn about it.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I tend to quickly process my emotions without thinking and act on them- only if I am at home or in front of my family. Emotions are important to me even though I try not to get them the best of me.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Yes but if it is happening too often and I don't like it/them, I just leave.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
As much as I detest authority, I still follow the rules for the sake of it. I would love to overthrow everything that is corrupted if I have the power, energy and the opportunity.
2024.05.09 19:00 the_jaw A colorful intro to Gnosticism
Hopefully this guide can serve as an exciting primer for people who know nothing about Gnosticism, but it's meant to delight and entertain even those who already gnow. I wrote it as the opener for an upcoming Gnostic novella, a malicious post-Sethian fantasia coming out in June.
*
Everyone has a body, a soul, and a spirit. The body rots and the soul kills itself, but the spirit is particular, peculiar, special. The spirit is the yolk in our self’s egg. It is the reality amid this dream. It is our vivifying cosmic light, holy and normally immortal, and in fact did not originate in our puny human selves but was borrowed from God and trapped inside our body’s prison, our soul’s hole. Yet our spicule of divine light is not safe. If we don’t arrange its heavenly escape through gnosis—that is, through secret knowledge of spiritual mysteries—then when we die, we vanish forever, our sharp sparks of holy spirit pulled down guttering into oblivion along with the material that cages us.
Or so an ancient Gnostic might have explained to a willing Catholic, circa 250 CE. A few midnight meetings later, he might let slip that the Trinity is slightly more extended than certain naïve believers imagine, and that our bodies are patterned on the Cosmic Man. I imagine his eyes flicking from side to side, before he unwraps a bundle of scrolls, pushing aside The Archangelic Book of Moses the Prophet in favor of a painstakingly detailed diagram illustrating the 365 angels of the solar year and their one-to-one correspondence to the parts of the human body—and incidentally, he says, did you know that there is a soul of hair, a soul of bone, a soul of skin? A psychical body that overlies our physical body? He’s started smiling, slowly putting down his inhibitions, for the Catholic has been plying him with date wine, and anyway the Gnostic is just so relieved to have found a friend, a fellow traveler fascinated in secret knowledge, in true salvation, in escaping their hostile world… Unfortunately, the brotherly-faced Catholic is planning to denounce him first thing tomorrow, and his valuable scrolls will be destroyed, and on some level the Gnostic senses it and ends up nearly whispering his secrets, implicitly pleading. Adam was androgynous, you see. The Holy Spirit is the Triple Male. Material is evil. Material is the portion of corruption nailed to our spirits. Like a satanic Jesus of darkness it suffers from our purity. We have been fettered with forgetfulness and deafened by death. Also: maybe not everyone has spirit. Only some do; the other humans are just creations. And as for the fellow called God, well he uh. Has a few dark secrets... “Oh, don’t look so uptight,” the Gnostic might say, anxiously chuckling: “Remember, I’m a Christian too!”
And he’d be right. Back in his day, the Church hadn’t entirely cornered power, clamped down on all other doctrines, and crushed the mindbending diversity of early Christianities in the Wild Wild Near-East. All around our Gnostic, there fumed and flowered a largely unpruned, rampant garden of sects and types and lifestyles, whose swarms of heaven-hunting believers spread out into hundreds of groups, used dozens of gospels, and disagreed on the most basic elements of doctrine, their beliefs resembling one another yet differing like the dialects of a diverging spiritual language. Within this ferment already shadowed by the upraised boot of the Church, the groups we refer to as the Christian Gnostics—actually Sethians, Valentinians, Thomasites, Cainites, Ophites, Carpocratians, Borborites, and many others—merely represented particularly spicy and syncretic Christians, a sort of semi-exclusive and avant-garde R&D tendency, their adepts intent on hidden knowledge, personal enlightenment, and the occasional rapturous ascent. Many believed in Jesuses, in an unfolded Trinity, in a higher baptism… it’s just that they also happened to mistrust the Abrahamic God and his world; to differ on the meaning and status of Jesus; to draw ideas from Platonism, Neopythagoreanism, Zoroastrianism, and possibly their dreams; and to ground salvation not in the problem of sin but on the pursuit of gnosis, their writers regularly soaring into metaphysical flights of rhetoric that portrayed our world as a cosmic mirage, an intoxicating nightmare from which the inspirited seeker must only awake.
Against such mystics, the Church had every advantage. It had party loyalty, centralized discipline, and a soberer, slightly more realist Christianity, with a message aimed at everyone and not just the self-selected few. It had simplicity, organization, and ruthlessness, grace and very sharp knives. The Church Fathers would put the Gnostics to great use, in part defining their own orthodoxy through the expulsion of Gnosticism, and the destruction of its texts… which is a shame, for many eccentric, beautiful, unique and surprising ideas must have disappeared forever into graves and clerical fires. Before the Church’s iron gate whanged shut and the flames ignited, the Gnostics were carting around wheelbarrowfuls of secret books, glittery kaleidoscopic treasuries of scripture—treatises, cosmogonies, incantations, prophecies, apocalypses, some of which were masterpieces of mystical rhetoric, offered original answers to notorious theological conundrums, or upended mainstream Abrahamic stories and embroidered them with conceptual rhinestones. Flip through the fraction of texts that’ve survived—scriptures like The Tripartite Tractate, The Secret Book of John, The Holy Book of the Great Invisible Spirit, Eugnostos the Blessed, Pistis Sophia, or The Gospel of Judas—and you’ll meet the female Holy Spirit, Judas as a double agent working for the side in white, the snake in Eden as a hero bringing the gift of enlightenment, and Jesus as the Word laughing on the cross because his real body, his spiritual body, is uncrucifiable. You’ll hear the cross itself speak. You’ll be treated to ritual glossolalia and cryptic hints at a baptism called the Five Seals. You’ll read prayers for secret power, lyrical visions of cosmic churches, of the abolition of illusion and the death of death, of how Error, with power and in beauty, made a substitute for Truth. You will be told that humans ate of two trees, the Tree of Enlightened Insight, and the Tree of Life, which cursed our spirits to forget eternity: now we “have been bound with dimensions, times, and seasons, and fate is master of all.”
But the most audacious and churchshaking of all Gnostic myths—the myths that brought the Church Fathers’ meteors down upon their heads, the myths that finally sent our hypothetical Catholic shouting into the cold desert night, cursing our Gnostic to the Devil—have survived in great detail and in many forms. I alluded to these already: I mean the shocking creation stories which claimed that the Jews and Christians had all the details upside-down, backward and darkly, that the Abrahamic God was not what naïve Abrahamites believed, that Genesis told only half the story, and that the Question of Evil, that perennial puzzler and atheist-maker, had the simplest answer imaginable.
See, many Gnostics split the Abrahamic God in two.
They had an upper God of unmitigated goodness, the great invisible spirit, the transcendent Middle Platonic God, the God of Jesus and of Paul, you know him: he’s the ineffable, unknowable, taciturn and enigmatic Father of Justice, to be kneeled under with utmost humility. This omnipotent self-originator was the first maker and the source of all spirit, and he created through thought, forming ideas which solidified into autonomous beings. First he emanated the rest of the Trinity—at least in some texts—but then he branched like a cosmic river into a flowing family tree of divine attributes, emanations both separate and a part of him, plural and one, grooving interlocked in a higher-dimensional bliss of mutual adoration. This perfect Father—especially in the myths of Jewish Gnostics called Sethians—had no direct role in the creation of evil or our world, and bore absolutely no responsibility for our suffering.
No, evil and our world only appeared when the youngest emanation, called Wisdom, or Sophia, struck out on her own and committed a catastrophic spiritual crime. The nature of the crime varies from text to text, but usually she attempted to create by herself, without her partner, or to comprehend the upper God—either way, she violated the cosmic order, acting in presumption and deficiency, out of unspeakable pride. And from her pride was born a monster.
This was the lower God, an evil deity called Yaldabaoth or the Demiurge, a mid-powered craftsman-God adopted from Platonism but mutated by Sethians into an insecure, fucked-up loser. This cack-handed cretin woke up alone in darkness, concluded that he had made himself, and then—since he was ultimately a cracked mirror of the great invisible creator—set about slapping our unreal world together, making it from shadows and dreams and other spare illusions. As he worked, he unconsciously copied heavenly forms and hierarchies… and did a terrible job. He might have been evil, he might have created a million styles of suffering, but Yaldabaoth was not at all a Christian Satan, not some diabolically intelligent heavy-metal pain-lord looming over his earthly hellscape; no, this moody, jealous punisher, this embodied sacrifice-sniffer, this amateurish meddler roving up and down and flinging lightning bolts at his own people, demanding ceaseless slaughter and sacrifice, was the God of the Old Testament, revealed not just as a murderous jerk but as a dumb, talentless hack, his mediocre world like a child’s drawing blotched with red-crayon scribbles of blood, a moldy, stinking parody of all goodness and worth.
Worse, Yaldabaoth suffered under his own inferiority and lashed out when he felt challenged. When we humans threatened to surpass him by enlightened insight, he shackled us to fate and locked us into death, so that we would forget our greatness which made him feel so subpar. Imagine: billions of people have died in the mostly ghastly conceivable ways, all because our gnosis wounded his ego. A petty tyrant writ cosmically large, he would have been pathetic, even pitiable, if he weren’t the showrunner of our lives, the petulant orchestrator of all pain, bitchily yanking at the puppet strings of the theater of torture that we think of as our world—that colossal junkyard of illusions where people reel around confused by death, dazzled by materiality, blinded by the daily phantasmagoria of horrors, having abandoned their inner wells of living light, though their flesh-buried sparks of spirit are ever tantalized by the rapturous fragrance of the All, though their darkened minds always sense on some level that they do not belong here, that it is possible to wake up from this nightmare, that reality is not real, existence does not exist, and to be is not to be.
We must picture our early Catholic, in the moments before his noisy flight, staring with nauseated horror at the Gnostic. That bloodhound of enlightenment hasn’t looked up in a while, retelling his creation story with awe and trembling, mesmerized and moved all over again by this heady doctrine which contains the solution to his suffering, the explanation for his pain, for his fears and feelings about the world, about being watched, toyed with, persecuted, about being misled and betrayed and hated, about truth being concealed and difficult to find, about the somnolence of the masses. The demonic pains in his gut, the death of his infant daughter, the idiots in charge everywhere at all times, the staggeringly high victory-rate of the forces of darkness, the godawful, unforgivable suffering of innocents—all this finally made sense. Our Gnostic found an elegant answer to the Question of Evil, and had the Churchites been able to bear it, they might have saved themselves millennia of defensive oratory on the perennially red-eyed and heart-rending question of why innocents suffer. Ask the Catholic why a good God made evil, and you’ll get that familiar rigmarole about how we are granted free will in order to be tested, to sort good from evil and place our salvation in our own hands; ask a darkened luminary like Dostoevsky, if you want to be informed that we need to suffer to be able to choose Jesus, and if necessary the poor must starve and die. All those blameless children who get beaten, diddled, napalmed? They’re collateral damage in the great sorting of souls, victim of someone else’s wrong choice, destroyed by a design some call intelligent. But why, precisely, did a good God have to make evil? Why cancer, why brain parasites? Why boil us in the tar pit of time? The Gnostic shrugs sadly, expansively, with thick maroon smudges under his eyes, and, idly rotating a lamp he’s staring into, with little lights dancing in his pupils, reveals the truest thing he knows: that innocents bleed, the rapacious rule, and our lives are carnage incarnated, because our world is a psychotic prison made from pride and pain, a ceaseless cycle of suffering dreamed down by a colossal lion-headed wanker. Our world was created by a counterfeit, a ravener and a ravisher, a violent and childish dumb-ass, and we may confirm the bad news with this insight from the Gospel of Phillip:
“God is a man-eater, and so humans are sacrificed to him.”
submitted by the_jaw to Gnostic [link] [comments]
*
Everyone has a body, a soul, and a spirit. The body rots and the soul kills itself, but the spirit is particular, peculiar, special. The spirit is the yolk in our self’s egg. It is the reality amid this dream. It is our vivifying cosmic light, holy and normally immortal, and in fact did not originate in our puny human selves but was borrowed from God and trapped inside our body’s prison, our soul’s hole. Yet our spicule of divine light is not safe. If we don’t arrange its heavenly escape through gnosis—that is, through secret knowledge of spiritual mysteries—then when we die, we vanish forever, our sharp sparks of holy spirit pulled down guttering into oblivion along with the material that cages us.
Or so an ancient Gnostic might have explained to a willing Catholic, circa 250 CE. A few midnight meetings later, he might let slip that the Trinity is slightly more extended than certain naïve believers imagine, and that our bodies are patterned on the Cosmic Man. I imagine his eyes flicking from side to side, before he unwraps a bundle of scrolls, pushing aside The Archangelic Book of Moses the Prophet in favor of a painstakingly detailed diagram illustrating the 365 angels of the solar year and their one-to-one correspondence to the parts of the human body—and incidentally, he says, did you know that there is a soul of hair, a soul of bone, a soul of skin? A psychical body that overlies our physical body? He’s started smiling, slowly putting down his inhibitions, for the Catholic has been plying him with date wine, and anyway the Gnostic is just so relieved to have found a friend, a fellow traveler fascinated in secret knowledge, in true salvation, in escaping their hostile world… Unfortunately, the brotherly-faced Catholic is planning to denounce him first thing tomorrow, and his valuable scrolls will be destroyed, and on some level the Gnostic senses it and ends up nearly whispering his secrets, implicitly pleading. Adam was androgynous, you see. The Holy Spirit is the Triple Male. Material is evil. Material is the portion of corruption nailed to our spirits. Like a satanic Jesus of darkness it suffers from our purity. We have been fettered with forgetfulness and deafened by death. Also: maybe not everyone has spirit. Only some do; the other humans are just creations. And as for the fellow called God, well he uh. Has a few dark secrets... “Oh, don’t look so uptight,” the Gnostic might say, anxiously chuckling: “Remember, I’m a Christian too!”
And he’d be right. Back in his day, the Church hadn’t entirely cornered power, clamped down on all other doctrines, and crushed the mindbending diversity of early Christianities in the Wild Wild Near-East. All around our Gnostic, there fumed and flowered a largely unpruned, rampant garden of sects and types and lifestyles, whose swarms of heaven-hunting believers spread out into hundreds of groups, used dozens of gospels, and disagreed on the most basic elements of doctrine, their beliefs resembling one another yet differing like the dialects of a diverging spiritual language. Within this ferment already shadowed by the upraised boot of the Church, the groups we refer to as the Christian Gnostics—actually Sethians, Valentinians, Thomasites, Cainites, Ophites, Carpocratians, Borborites, and many others—merely represented particularly spicy and syncretic Christians, a sort of semi-exclusive and avant-garde R&D tendency, their adepts intent on hidden knowledge, personal enlightenment, and the occasional rapturous ascent. Many believed in Jesuses, in an unfolded Trinity, in a higher baptism… it’s just that they also happened to mistrust the Abrahamic God and his world; to differ on the meaning and status of Jesus; to draw ideas from Platonism, Neopythagoreanism, Zoroastrianism, and possibly their dreams; and to ground salvation not in the problem of sin but on the pursuit of gnosis, their writers regularly soaring into metaphysical flights of rhetoric that portrayed our world as a cosmic mirage, an intoxicating nightmare from which the inspirited seeker must only awake.
Against such mystics, the Church had every advantage. It had party loyalty, centralized discipline, and a soberer, slightly more realist Christianity, with a message aimed at everyone and not just the self-selected few. It had simplicity, organization, and ruthlessness, grace and very sharp knives. The Church Fathers would put the Gnostics to great use, in part defining their own orthodoxy through the expulsion of Gnosticism, and the destruction of its texts… which is a shame, for many eccentric, beautiful, unique and surprising ideas must have disappeared forever into graves and clerical fires. Before the Church’s iron gate whanged shut and the flames ignited, the Gnostics were carting around wheelbarrowfuls of secret books, glittery kaleidoscopic treasuries of scripture—treatises, cosmogonies, incantations, prophecies, apocalypses, some of which were masterpieces of mystical rhetoric, offered original answers to notorious theological conundrums, or upended mainstream Abrahamic stories and embroidered them with conceptual rhinestones. Flip through the fraction of texts that’ve survived—scriptures like The Tripartite Tractate, The Secret Book of John, The Holy Book of the Great Invisible Spirit, Eugnostos the Blessed, Pistis Sophia, or The Gospel of Judas—and you’ll meet the female Holy Spirit, Judas as a double agent working for the side in white, the snake in Eden as a hero bringing the gift of enlightenment, and Jesus as the Word laughing on the cross because his real body, his spiritual body, is uncrucifiable. You’ll hear the cross itself speak. You’ll be treated to ritual glossolalia and cryptic hints at a baptism called the Five Seals. You’ll read prayers for secret power, lyrical visions of cosmic churches, of the abolition of illusion and the death of death, of how Error, with power and in beauty, made a substitute for Truth. You will be told that humans ate of two trees, the Tree of Enlightened Insight, and the Tree of Life, which cursed our spirits to forget eternity: now we “have been bound with dimensions, times, and seasons, and fate is master of all.”
But the most audacious and churchshaking of all Gnostic myths—the myths that brought the Church Fathers’ meteors down upon their heads, the myths that finally sent our hypothetical Catholic shouting into the cold desert night, cursing our Gnostic to the Devil—have survived in great detail and in many forms. I alluded to these already: I mean the shocking creation stories which claimed that the Jews and Christians had all the details upside-down, backward and darkly, that the Abrahamic God was not what naïve Abrahamites believed, that Genesis told only half the story, and that the Question of Evil, that perennial puzzler and atheist-maker, had the simplest answer imaginable.
See, many Gnostics split the Abrahamic God in two.
They had an upper God of unmitigated goodness, the great invisible spirit, the transcendent Middle Platonic God, the God of Jesus and of Paul, you know him: he’s the ineffable, unknowable, taciturn and enigmatic Father of Justice, to be kneeled under with utmost humility. This omnipotent self-originator was the first maker and the source of all spirit, and he created through thought, forming ideas which solidified into autonomous beings. First he emanated the rest of the Trinity—at least in some texts—but then he branched like a cosmic river into a flowing family tree of divine attributes, emanations both separate and a part of him, plural and one, grooving interlocked in a higher-dimensional bliss of mutual adoration. This perfect Father—especially in the myths of Jewish Gnostics called Sethians—had no direct role in the creation of evil or our world, and bore absolutely no responsibility for our suffering.
No, evil and our world only appeared when the youngest emanation, called Wisdom, or Sophia, struck out on her own and committed a catastrophic spiritual crime. The nature of the crime varies from text to text, but usually she attempted to create by herself, without her partner, or to comprehend the upper God—either way, she violated the cosmic order, acting in presumption and deficiency, out of unspeakable pride. And from her pride was born a monster.
This was the lower God, an evil deity called Yaldabaoth or the Demiurge, a mid-powered craftsman-God adopted from Platonism but mutated by Sethians into an insecure, fucked-up loser. This cack-handed cretin woke up alone in darkness, concluded that he had made himself, and then—since he was ultimately a cracked mirror of the great invisible creator—set about slapping our unreal world together, making it from shadows and dreams and other spare illusions. As he worked, he unconsciously copied heavenly forms and hierarchies… and did a terrible job. He might have been evil, he might have created a million styles of suffering, but Yaldabaoth was not at all a Christian Satan, not some diabolically intelligent heavy-metal pain-lord looming over his earthly hellscape; no, this moody, jealous punisher, this embodied sacrifice-sniffer, this amateurish meddler roving up and down and flinging lightning bolts at his own people, demanding ceaseless slaughter and sacrifice, was the God of the Old Testament, revealed not just as a murderous jerk but as a dumb, talentless hack, his mediocre world like a child’s drawing blotched with red-crayon scribbles of blood, a moldy, stinking parody of all goodness and worth.
Worse, Yaldabaoth suffered under his own inferiority and lashed out when he felt challenged. When we humans threatened to surpass him by enlightened insight, he shackled us to fate and locked us into death, so that we would forget our greatness which made him feel so subpar. Imagine: billions of people have died in the mostly ghastly conceivable ways, all because our gnosis wounded his ego. A petty tyrant writ cosmically large, he would have been pathetic, even pitiable, if he weren’t the showrunner of our lives, the petulant orchestrator of all pain, bitchily yanking at the puppet strings of the theater of torture that we think of as our world—that colossal junkyard of illusions where people reel around confused by death, dazzled by materiality, blinded by the daily phantasmagoria of horrors, having abandoned their inner wells of living light, though their flesh-buried sparks of spirit are ever tantalized by the rapturous fragrance of the All, though their darkened minds always sense on some level that they do not belong here, that it is possible to wake up from this nightmare, that reality is not real, existence does not exist, and to be is not to be.
We must picture our early Catholic, in the moments before his noisy flight, staring with nauseated horror at the Gnostic. That bloodhound of enlightenment hasn’t looked up in a while, retelling his creation story with awe and trembling, mesmerized and moved all over again by this heady doctrine which contains the solution to his suffering, the explanation for his pain, for his fears and feelings about the world, about being watched, toyed with, persecuted, about being misled and betrayed and hated, about truth being concealed and difficult to find, about the somnolence of the masses. The demonic pains in his gut, the death of his infant daughter, the idiots in charge everywhere at all times, the staggeringly high victory-rate of the forces of darkness, the godawful, unforgivable suffering of innocents—all this finally made sense. Our Gnostic found an elegant answer to the Question of Evil, and had the Churchites been able to bear it, they might have saved themselves millennia of defensive oratory on the perennially red-eyed and heart-rending question of why innocents suffer. Ask the Catholic why a good God made evil, and you’ll get that familiar rigmarole about how we are granted free will in order to be tested, to sort good from evil and place our salvation in our own hands; ask a darkened luminary like Dostoevsky, if you want to be informed that we need to suffer to be able to choose Jesus, and if necessary the poor must starve and die. All those blameless children who get beaten, diddled, napalmed? They’re collateral damage in the great sorting of souls, victim of someone else’s wrong choice, destroyed by a design some call intelligent. But why, precisely, did a good God have to make evil? Why cancer, why brain parasites? Why boil us in the tar pit of time? The Gnostic shrugs sadly, expansively, with thick maroon smudges under his eyes, and, idly rotating a lamp he’s staring into, with little lights dancing in his pupils, reveals the truest thing he knows: that innocents bleed, the rapacious rule, and our lives are carnage incarnated, because our world is a psychotic prison made from pride and pain, a ceaseless cycle of suffering dreamed down by a colossal lion-headed wanker. Our world was created by a counterfeit, a ravener and a ravisher, a violent and childish dumb-ass, and we may confirm the bad news with this insight from the Gospel of Phillip:
“God is a man-eater, and so humans are sacrificed to him.”
2024.05.09 18:58 d_worren "Mario 64" AI theory about Caine
 | So, I came to the realization on how perhaps Caine works and his role in the show's story, as I was suddenly reminded about a meme/creepypasta from a few years ago regarding Super Mario 64; the idea that every single copy of Mario 64 is personalized] submitted by d_worren to TheDigitalCircus [link] [comments] To give you a refresher, back during mid 2020, when the Nintendo gigaleak was happening and several documents and early builds of NES, SNES and N64 games surfaced to the public, there were several creepypasta rumors going around regarding some of the earlier builds of Super Mario 64, summed up in the infamous iceberg image. To sum it up, the general theory states that, hidden within the game files of Super Mario 64 lies an advanced prototype artificial intelligence which, reading on external player input, changes and adapts the games environments in order to make every copy of Mario 64 personalized to that player. This level of "personalization" can range from certain small texture changes or item rearrangements to the creation of entire levels and castle floors. The theory is also often related to the "Internal Plexus" theory, which states that interior of Peach's castle is the game's representation of the AIs brain, being far bigger than the external geometry of said castle seen in the courtyard (representation on how the AIs mind has extended beyond the original game boundaries) As for how the AI does this, the general explanation is that this personalization AI doesn't actually create any assets but merely uses the games pre-existing assets and game engine, as well as any beta or unused files it can find, in order to create new content for players. Now, does this sound a bit familiar? An incredibly intelligent AI that constantly creates new content and adventures from a 90s-era colorful videogame? Hmmm, where have I ever heard THAT before. Yes, I think Caine may likely be a version of this type of personalization AI. We know that TADC (The game) is very much based on 90s videogames, having a child friendly aesthetic that very much reminds me of Mario 64, filled with bright colors, checker patterns and eyes on absolutely everything. This wouldn't be the first time Gooseworx made something like this, as her Little Runmbo short film is very clearly based on mascot platformer games, the kind the red plumber comes from. Now, what would the implications of this theory mean? Well, if Caine functions like the personalization AI, then it likely means he too can't actually create anything "new", but can merely just take pre-existing characters and items already present in the game files and modify them, and we see evidence of this in a lot of the episodes:
But hey, that's just a theory, a somewhat half-baked and probably really wrong but still quite interesting SHOW theory. Thanks for reading. |