What should i say in a birthday card for dad

I’m an inverse triangle and pretty short at 5’2” so the eye focus naturally falls on my chest. I’ve always been restricted by the females in my family on what I can and cannot wear so I grew up wearing modest clothes, and I still do to this day. So it’s definitely not on what I wear.
Now that I’m in my mid 20’s I been experiencing a lot of harassment and it has gotten to the point where I can’t control myself no longer. I feel so mentally exhausted and numb after interactions with these men. I want to scream and cry because no one in my family stands up for me. They typically tell me to hush and keep quiet and to ignore the offenders. Or once I was blamed that I instigated the man first for him to react the way he did on me. I’m at the point where I want to wrap my chest to make it flat as possible or just grab a kitchen knife and slice them off bec I can’t afford a reduction in my country. I tried looking into Turkey but plane tickets are insane and they say I will have to stay for about 8 days which will cost about same after all costs considered.
Last week we hired an electrician who we had worked with for years and today him and I were texting about when he should come over bec he missed his appointment. After 1 hour of ending our conversation he WhatsApps me an explicit pornographic picture then deletes it after I see it. If you use WhatsApp you know how many times you have to click separate things to send someone a picture. I was in utter shock and anger and told him straight up I want a discount. He then sends a 2nd picture that prohibits you to screenshot saying to call him when I’m free. It’s been a couple hours and I’ve been ghosting him but he’s still randomly messaging me. For your knowledge I asked for a $500 discount He has my dad’s number and it’s his home where the electrician will be working so he should be contacting him not me in first place. I think he’s scared of me telling my dad and the consequences that will follow bec I did not act in his way. It’s been 3 hours and he won’t stop messaging me. He now left a voice message and it’s of the most random-ist thing ever.
Also it seems fair to mention he and his father-in-law has worked simultaneously at my property, and I have met his wife. Yes, his wife who is so beautiful and kind. His father-in-law is very traditional and intimidating man. I want to tell his wife on what happened but my friends are saying what if I am overreacting and it was a mistake. I really don’t feel it based on his messages following the picture but please comment on what I should do. No I do not have to balls to tell my dad he send me that picture, we are very conservative

Suggestion for helpful language for dads that fumbled Mother’s Day !!
I apologize for participating in the sucky Mother’s Day posts. I too am one of the many moms who had a very sad and disappointing Mother’s Day yesterday. It was also my very first Mother’s Day just to add to the disappointment. After spending all yesterday and this morning feeling very sad, disappointed and confused as to why I was so let down by Mother’s Day. I think I finally figured out what was missing from my day and language that I think may be helpful for my partner… Thoughtful and sentimental!
At the core of my disappointment was the fact that I wanted my day to feel thoughtful and sentimental! Not extravagant, not expensive, just something that felt thoughtful and that I could have sentimental memories towards. Whether this is something super cheap like a painted handprint or a framed picture of me and my baby , or even just the words saying, “we should go for a walk as a family” would have let me know that there was some thought put into the day for me. I spent the entire day yesterday fighting with my partner, trying to explain this to him, but I didn’t have the language at the time. I figured out this morning that this is exactly what my day lacked and what I want all Mother’s Days going forward to consist of, something thoughtful And sentimental.
I hope that this helps you all as I suspect it may be what you all are feeling as well. I think that with this kind of guidance, my partner is actually capable of giving me an experience that I want and I’m hoping that your partners may be able to as well!
Happy belated Mother’s Day to all the women who had a hard and disappointing day yesterday, even if your husband let you down your babies love and appreciate you! They just don’t have them means to show it at this time!

I’ve been using Minecraft realms for quite some time now with not too many issues but just recently my realm expired even though it isn’t due to be renewed until the 16th of may.
I paid my last subscription on the 16th of April with no issue, I’ve never changed my card and always had auto recurring payment enabled, but my realm has been expired since the 8th of may. Thats way less than 30 days/4 weeks. Despite this, it still says im not due to pay till the 16th, however when im trying to connect to my expired realm and it prompts me to pay, it won’t even let me confirm my card, just a blank white screen. I’ve been locked out of my realm and cant play with my girlfriend the past week basically and the chat support is for some reason completely removed now in the Xbox support section, then when I went through Microsoft general chat support they said they would transfer me and the next agent should only be around 3 minutes, I was left sitting in the tab for 2 hours…what is going on??? Windows services have been so unreliable especially Xbox/windows store stuff

I 13F have been sheltered most my life from anti vax parents, they don't send me to school and they don't even try to homeschool me, my mom goes to the gym and comes home at like 9pm then goes to sleeps leavinh me with barely anytime with her, my step dad comes home, drinks than goes to sleep in the day, my grandfather watches tv and is the only person who is taking care of me most the time, I struggle with the fact i lack socializing and have the ability to make friends due to not being in School im pretty sure i have mental issues which make it hard for me to learn let alone with no help, my grandfather also dropped out in 9 grade so yeah no help plus i ask for help he says he will get to it but doesn't, anyways that's some tiny context, now my outcome, depressed, hardly any friends (2 being cousin's) others being online, the pain I've felt from the feeling of lacking social skills and not feeling loved along with me being stupid when it comes to basic math, I had to learn how to spell and read from ROBLOX when I was younger, and yes my parents gave me things, but the ONE thing i wanted was love and effort, not a laptop or phone, but you wanna hear what i did so ill get to it, i started smoking Wd, and sneaking out, drinking, and ruining my life and cussing etc. nothing nsfw. Anyways yeah AITAH and would should I do

Anyone else out there thinking Taylor and Matty have been a couple MUCH longer than anyone has realized?
I’m certain there are people here much more versed in all this stuff, so please share your thoughts on this.
I don’t know that you could have convinced me a month ago, but then TTPD came out and there was Taylor’s seemingly erratic behavior those first 3 nights at the Paris Eras tour. I’d not thought about it until this ridiculously fake Travis Kelce relationship, but I realized…If Travis isn’t real, what about Joe Alwyn and the others that came before?? So I read into the Matty and Taylor lore online, and really listened to both of their music with a new ear. I think they’ve been speaking to each other and to to US for a long time through their music, telling us they are together and laying out all their love and their strife. Also, it’s possible they really did split up after the 2023 debacle, and Taylor really is trying to get Matty back right now. I mean, her song really says it all “i’mgonnagetyouback”. Still, that doesn’t take away the fact they may have been together for years prior.
It’s possible they have been a couple as far back as the early 2010’s (with at least 1-2 breaks up that they sing about). They both reference a love that they don’t remember how they met, and it’s possible they met at an early event when they both were building their careers. At that early time tho, they were both curating such opposite images of themselves that I’m sure their PR teams were not okay with them as an out couple - Taylor being America’s Sweetheart and Matty being a smoking, drinking rock star heathen. Their PR agents prob told them it was bad for their brands to be public. So into secrecy they went, not predicting that a decade later they’d be still together, much older now and wanting to settle down with each other. But what a tangled PR mess they found themselves because they’d been in hiding so long, and esp so when they rushed Matty out to the public. We all saw how well that went.
There are a lot of lyrics and music videos that elude to their relationship, but it’s the lyrics of the 1975’s song “Roadkill” that really confirmed it for me:
“And they’re playing your song on the radio station “Mugging me off all across the nation “ “If you’ don’t eat, then you’ll never grow” (A line they both share back in forth in different songs “I should’ve learned that quite awhile ago “I know it gets hard sometimes “Making out with people that you don’t like “I know you don’t feel alright…… “You know, I didn’t feel alright “Until you spoke to me “You “I’ve been waiting for you “My whole life, waiting for you
There are a lot of other songs and examples but that one right there really spells out they’re in PR relationships and feeling miserable about it (it was released in 2020 and they were both “In a relationship” at the time, ie in a fake one). It’s actually sad because Matty frequently mentions being in love with someone “his whole life”, and sings “I’ve been in love for ages, I fell in love for her in stages, for ages, my whole life”. If they did start dating around 2011 or so they would have been only been around 21 years old, and that could feel like being in love with your person your whole life.
I am not a Swiftie but I am a 1975 fan and I do like some of TS’s work. But someone out there surely knows more than me on on this. Most fans agree that there are several songs of the 1975 that were written for Taylor, esp on their most recent album. Personally, I think a lot of 1975 songs potentially point to Taylor - hell, most of them really. I listed a few if you’re curious.
Settle Down! Robbers Way Out The City Somebody Mine The Birthday Party Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America

So I (20F) have known this girl, let's call her Em (fake name, 20F), for a whole bunch of years.
To be precise, we actually first met when we were little, but neither of us remembers it.
My mom has been friends with my "aunt" (not biological) since they were in high-school. As they grew older, of course, their families expanded. My aunt had three kids, who would be my cousins. Her mom's side of the family is from a another country that shares borders with ours. Her brother, who lives in said country, had 5 kids, four girls and one boy. We're unrelated. They're my "cousins" actual cousins.
Most of my family (this aunt and cousins included) live in another part of my country, so when I was a kid I used to go over the summer and stay most of it there to see everyone. It seems that when we were kids, we all hung out once, there's even a picture to prove it, but again, no one bellow age 25 remembers that.
Well one of those summers, when I was 14, I went to visit and went over to my aunt's for dinner. That's when Em and I kind of really met, and boy do I remember that.
We all said our hellos, and we sat down at the table, she was sitting across me. All night we made small that, and I really liked her.
I was always openly gay, never really had a "coming out of the closet", since no one in my family cares. They've always been supportive of me. Her family, though, it's a different story.
Her siblings are great, and they're also cool about that, but her parents (specially her mom) are catholics (if I remember correctly, her dad or one of their uncles is a preist) soooo yeah we weren't really openly flirting at the dinner table.
But then, us young ones went away to play cards. She was playing against me, 3 vs 3, only this time she was sitting almost beside me.
The stolen glances, the grazing of hands, the little smirks. I remember the way she looked at me, like she didn't understand what or why she was feeling something, but she knew she was. She found me attractive, but with the not-really-but-just-met situation and her parents, we just stuck with that. I only saw her once again that summer, same thing, only for a whole day. And then back in my hometown as they were passing through to go back to their country
We exchanged numbers, and when we talked she confessed she liked me, a lot, but didn't know what to do in that moment. It was new to her, though that didn't really bother her much. I remember she said something along the lines of "It’s like I was so mesmerized by you and at the same time so confused that I just froze, but I would've kissed you if we had seen each other again, and if it happens I will".
Well, six years passed.
Not being actually related and living in two different countries kind of made it impossible and of course, naturally, contact faded and every once in a while we'd talk again as if no time had passed.
Eventually she got a boyfriend, I had a few relationships two. Long term and serious on both accounts, but we never not talked at least a couple times a year (respectfully, of course).
I guess I never really stopped liking her, bjt it was more of a distant thing than anything else. Every time we talked tho it was great. We woukd catch up, open up about things we would otherwise keep quiet, etc. It's like we always gravitated back to each other, both in thought and in speaking terms (on both accounts).
Eventually, when she finished high-school, she followed her older siblings footsteps and moved to a city near mine to attend college, that was around a year or two ago.
She broke up with her boyfriend a few months back, I did so too.
And three days ago, I replied to a story she has uploaded on her insta and, well, here comes the best part.
We started talking, catching up, and I can't really remember why but the conversation eventually led to me saying I found her pretty. She replied it was mutual. I'll try to recall the conversation below.
"Wait, do you still like me after all these years?"
"Well, yeah, why wouldn't I?"
"I mean, we didn't see each other again, grew older and you even had a boyfriend, I thought maybe the feeling had passed for you"
"Yeah I mean I isolated myself a lot in that relationship, it sucked, but I never not liked you, nor forgot about you, it was just impossible"
"Well, it's not anymore. I still like you too, and I've been wanting this for years"
"So have I, I want to go see you"
I remember I told her that when I saw she had a boyfriend I didn't really wanna force or ruin anything cuz she seemed happy and I liked that, and she told me she would've left him in a heartbeat for me the second she'd known I still liked her.
We also talked about her family. She told me her mom actually found out about our little chat back in 2018 and got kind of mad, but Em told her to screw off and not go through her phone again, and that's the end of it. One of her sisters noticed then too, but just told her good for her and also never mentioned it again.
Then the same day I replied to her story, she had told her older sister and a friend of hers about me, since they were reminiscing about summers, told them she was still into me.
The rest of the conversation was one I'd never had with her. She told me she liked me, and what things. She thinks I'm pretty, she thinks I'm funny. Smart, talented, good. I honestly don't know if all l of it is true but to hear her so starstruck, just like when we were 14, made my heart skip a beat. It was adorable. And then, well, it derailed into a more... uhm... mature conversation about plans we had for each other? If you get what I mean lol.
And that's where we are now. We're both having exams right now so we're planning to meet up next week when we're done.
IM SO EXCITED!
We miss each other, and we've wanted to hang out for ages. Not only that, but her now openness to be with me and enjoy it is so both refreshing and adorable. She calls me names, compliments me, tells me she wants me.
I never would've thought it would actually happen, not at least for a few more years. I also wouldn't have thought that shy girl I met would be so openly flirty with me, even on voice messages.
She's told me about a hundred times already how much she's wanted this, that's she's so glad it's gonnaa finally happen, that she's wondered what it's like to kiss me ever since she met me.
It's mutual, it's all mutual.
I feel giddy, excited, and I definitely feel wanted, and it's amazing.
Just wanted to rant about it and her, she's honestly amazing and beautiful. Kind, smart. Her accent drives me crazy and when she speaks her native language I literally feel weak.
Six years. Six years always thinking about each other (and many of those times it's like we mind-called each other beacuse we'd end up talking again). The girl I've had a crush on for the longest and never got, and we finally have the space, place and time to do it. This is it, it's our moment. And I definitely plan to enjoy every minute of it. She's worth it. So, so worth it.
Have a nice day everyone, Imma go talk to her lol bye

WIBTAH
Hi I am new to Reddit but watch a lot of reaction videos and thought this might be a good place to get some advice. I hope at least.
My BF (55m) and I (44f) have been dating for a few months. We have known each other for 6 years and have been, for lack of a better term FWB. It kind of an involved story where we went out on 3 dates, he never texted me and for some reason we keep finding each other again and again. I’ve been in puppy love with him for 6 years.
Now my BF “Keith” and I had a kind of wild night the night we started dating it’s a weird and graphic story but he basically stole me from my then boyfriend when we all met up because they both had own the same car (the exact same car, like vin number same vehicle, it was weird). During the festivities, so to speak that night, Keith told me he loved me and I left with him and kind of left my now ex boyfriend hanging (I am an AH for that and I know it, but Keith and I… well I felt were destiny or fate or meant to be or whatever).
When we started the dating process we agree to some ground rules. We could have outside the relationship physical relationships on one day a week and when one of us is out of town. We are also allowed to swing together. I agreed to this very early on.
I expected us to maybe go out on dates on the weekend and start slow. Well that didn’t go as I thought and we spend almost every night together. We constantly tell each other “I love you” and do the mundane like watch TV and go grocery shopping. We are like a real committed couple at this point. We also a a wonderful daily + life in the bedroom. We really enjoy each other physically. So there is no issue there.
The open relationship started bothering me. More so when he came back from a business trip with a hickey on his neck. Like seriously in tears freak out. We didn’t argue but really discussed it and we decided to drop the once a week free time, but he wanted to keep his out of town free time. I am not exactly happy with this plan. I would prefer that we only have physical relationships together. But he told me I was being hypocritical because I was engaged in such acts as well when he was out of town. I own that and the next trip, I actually didn’t because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I also expressed to him how much it hurt me that he was still doing it and his response was “I’m sorry you’re hurting” I don’t know what or if he did anything on the last trip. I just try not to think about it. I live in my delusion of believing he wouldn’t but he never said he didn’t. Whatever I’m not sure it matters.
Part of what matters is that he stay in contact during these trips. Like tell me good morning and I love you and text me when you get back to your room so we can chat about our day. He has an important job and I know he is busy and networking and meeting with people during these trips, so I try to stay out of his way and let him get in touch with me. Well last trip he barely spoke to me and didn’t really do anything I asked him to. But it is what it is he was busy. But it hurts me to think that he is with some random at the hotel bar instead of texting me. Like I become completely unimportant on these trips.
I’m getting better about and he actually had 3 7 day trips in the first two months so it was early on and whatever.
Now he has his own jealousy. He will never admit to it but he is jealous of another FWB of mine that I have know as long as I have known as long as I have known Keith (they have been aware of each other for years but it never mattered because we were just FWB). Me and “Joey” (55m) have never been in a relationship and have never seen each other outside of his house. I do have feelings for him and have asked him to think about dating me several times. Keith knows this and gets very upset when I said anything about him. Joey waited until after I was dating Keith and told me he had feelings for me because why shouldn’t two men I have been ignored by for half a decade suddenly decide they love me at the same time. So be it. I told Joey not to put me in that position and he has been very cool about it since. Keith also got jealous because my exboyfriend that he so gracefully stole me from with a handshake a the words “I’m keeping her” texted me to see if Keith and I were together still. I told him we were and he said congrats. Keith got uncomfortable and a little weird about it and said he was trying to get back with me. Like yes he was, but I told Keith I went home with him that night and not to worry about it.
Now, guess who is going out of town this coming weekend, Ya guessed it, Keith. I know what is going to happen and I again am trying not to think about it and stress about it. But it also happens to coincidentally be a big weekend for Joey as it is his 10 year sober birthday and he has told me I am the only one who ever remembers. I really want to see Joey to celebrate.
I know me continuing to have a physical only relationship and friendship with Joey hurts Keith. I know that I am a hypocrite for wanting Keith to not have a physical relationship on business trips when I am doing the same. But this is really a huge special milestone for Joey and I want to spend it with him and know for a fact it will be physical. I want that. I will say though I have explicitly told Joey this might be the last time we see each other.
I am ridiculously happy with Keith he is the love of my life. We are actually coming up on the planned time we were going to reassess the open relationship when we started it. He makes me really happy, with the exception of the times he is out of town.
WIBTA IF have one more fling with Joey
tl;dr I have an open relationship should i utilize it and be with a guy my boyfriend is jealous of?

We’ve been together for almost 6 years, engaged since last year, living together for the last two.
I (31M) work from home while she (34F) goes to an office. I make about 7-8 times what she earns, so I cover like 90% of our rent, services, food, the dog’s veterinary bills, movie tickets, concerts, etc. I mention the 90% because a few months ago I asked her to at least help me out a little bit with the house expenses because I’m covering everything. We’re eloping next year and yes, I’m the one saving up for the trip.
Recently my family came to visit me to celebrate Mother’s Day together, since I couldn’t go this year. That’s where I started noticing awkward things.
When something doesn’t interest her, she bails on me. Almost always. My favorite artist had a concert in the city and 1 hour before we were supposed to take off, she said she didn’t feel like it. So I hurried to call a friend so the extra ticket wouldn’t get wasted.
She wouldn’t come to the airport with me to pick them up (2 people, mom and grandma), nor would she receive them when they arrived home (they were staying the weekend - we had planned for this). Mom and grandma had already told us the places they wanted to visit and fiancée planned the weekend to go with them.
And she bailed on everything. She only had dinner with us and then excused herself for everything else.
Obvious question: Do my fiancée and her MIL not get along? Tbh I don’t think that’s the issue; they’ve seen each other like 4 times because of the distance and they’ve never been alone without me. Things have always been super cordial, really nothing out of the ordinary.
I called her out on avoiding my family on weekends, and how I feel that it’s unfair how I’m always making time to go to her parties, events, family gatherings, concerts of bands she likes and stuff and she always decides not to come when something is “mine”. She has forgotten my birthday for the last 2 years ffs.
I laid it out in a simple message for her yesterday, talking about how it hurts me to be just an afterthought and how I don’t feel like a priority for her. Her answer was just a “Sorry, I’ve not been paying attention”.
I feel hurt, ignored. Last year I had a very small gathering with my friends for my bday and she didn’t arrive. I had to make excuses for herself because I was ashamed to be asked constantly why my fiancée wasn’t here (she fell asleep).
Should I push for an apology? How can I find the words to politely but firmly say “I feel ignored, I should have to beg to be taken into consideration”?

Anyone else out there thinking Taylor and Matty have been a couple MUCH longer than anyone has realized?
I’m certain there are people here much more versed in all this stuff, so please share your thoughts on this.
I don’t know that you could have convinced me a month ago, but then TTPD came out and there was Taylor’s seemingly erratic behavior those first 3 nights at the Paris Eras tour. I’d not thought about it until this ridiculously fake Travis Kelce relationship, but I realized…If Travis isn’t real, what about Joe Alwyn and the others that came before?? So I read into the Matty and Taylor lore online, and really listened to both of their music with a new ear. I think they’ve been speaking to each other and to to US for a long time through their music, telling us they are together and laying out all their love and their strife. Also, it’s possible they really did split up after the 2023 debacle, and Taylor really is trying to get Matty back right now. I mean, her song really says it all “i’mgonnagetyouback”. Still, that doesn’t take away the fact they may have been together for years prior.
It’s possible they have been a couple as far back as the early 2010’s (with at least 1-2 breaks up that they sing about). They both reference a love that they don’t remember how they met, and it’s possible they met at an early event when they both were building their careers. At that early time tho, they were both curating such opposite images of themselves that I’m sure their PR teams were not okay with them as an out couple - Taylor being America’s Sweetheart and Matty being a smoking, drinking rock star heathen. Their PR agents prob told them it was bad for their brands to be public. So into secrecy they went, not predicting that a decade later they’d be still together, much older now and wanting to settle down with each other. But what a tangled PR mess they found themselves because they’d been in hiding so long, and esp so when they rushed Matty out to the public. We all saw how well that went.
There are a lot of lyrics and music videos that elude to their relationship, but it’s the lyrics of the 1975’s song “Roadkill” that really confirmed it for me:
“And they’re playing your song on the radio station “Mugging me off all across the nation “ “If you’ don’t eat, then you’ll never grow” (A line they both share back in forth in different songs “I should’ve learned that quite awhile ago “I know it gets hard sometimes “Making out with people that you don’t like “I know you don’t feel alright…… “You know, I didn’t feel alright “Until you spoke to me “You “I’ve been waiting for you “My whole life, waiting for you
There are a lot of other songs and examples but that one right there really spells out they’re in PR relationships and feeling miserable about it (it was released in 2020 and they were both “In a relationship” at the time, ie in a fake one). It’s actually sad because Matty frequently mentions being in love with someone “his whole life”, and sings “I’ve been in love for ages, I fell in love for her in stages, for ages, my whole life”. If they did start dating around 2011 or so they would have been only been around 21 years old, and that could feel like being in love with your person your whole life.
I am not a Swiftie but I am a 1975 fan and I do like some of TS’s work. But someone out there surely knows more than me on on this. Most fans agree that there are several songs of the 1975 that were written for Taylor, esp on their most recent album. Personally, I think a lot of 1975 songs potentially point to Taylor - hell, most of them really. I listed a few if you’re curious.
Settle Down! Robbers Way Out The City Somebody Mine The Birthday Party Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America

Okay, fourth rewrite, I'm making this in hopes that their is someone who can help me in some way. Maybe someone knows the answer to it all and can guide me, though unlikely. I'll just list out all my issues in seperate paragraphs and hopefully their is just someone out their to help, if you can help me just please do, I really need help or at least someone and you reading this and giving me advice would truly mean a lot to me. Anyways
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.

I am sending a letter to her tomorrow morning. I've run in by and warned everyone else in my family. My good sister, my mom, and my wife. I also asked a couple of friends for advice. You can read what started this in my last post. But I will include her last message here because I am mostly responding to that.
BPDsis message- "I’m sorry that you hate me, and I wish you were able to see the good things I try to do. I am a good person and I only want the best for everyone. I’m not attacking you for imperfections and I try my best to allow room for error in people and understand that everyone is just doing the best they can to survive in this world. I will continue to do the best I can to help or assist everyone to the best of my ability. If you suspect that I’m doing something out of spite or anger then I request you approach me about it and give me the opportunity to defend myself bc a lot of problems that go unaddressed lead to bigger problems that could have been resolved in the beginning."
Here is the letter I'm sending her. I've changed her name to BPDsis.
My response-
"You're only sorry I hate you because of how it's affecting you. Not because of the terrible things you've done. The "good things" are always thrown back in my face to be used for your gain. Like when you picked up the garbage downstairs. Then you bitched to mom that I didn't help you load it while I was sick. Even though I said I'd do it myself later I'm the week! You didn't give me much grace there and you sure attacked my imperfections. You're two faced BPDsis. It's always to further your own goals and to manipulate others to do your bidding. It's not genuine.
You are not a good person, not by any metric I'd use. Maybe in your head, where you're always the victim. But what's in your head isn't reality. You cause fights all the time and you say the worst things you can possibly think of and that's not just me saying that. You have destroyed every relationship in your life. You told uncle you hoped his wife would leave him and take everything he had. Is that helping the family? You bullied and traumatized goodsis to the point CPS was going to take her away and that bullying didn't stop once you were adults. Everyone is done with your shit. and you're well on your way to destroying your relationship with your daughters. The only ones who tolerate you are your Dad because he's hundreds of miles away from your bullshit and BPDsis' friends because they get you to do things for them. Everyone just keeps quiet to keep your cross hairs off them. Maybe you should examine yourself more, before everyone reaches the point where I am. Especially your children. That's my hope, that you'll read this and for once actually think about how your actions affect someone else. You'll see your toxicity spelled out in no uncertain terms and change for the better. So that you can have a healthy relationship in the short time we have on this planet. If not for your sake, for your girl's.
You're trying to be the victim. I'm not buying it. You aren't the victim BPDsis. you have done nothing but hurt this family and the things you've done to "help" whether with good intentions or not are marred by worries that you'll fuck us over or use it to manipulate us. Almost every giant fight can be traced back to you. We may have been dysfunctional without you. But you bring out the worst in everyone. You're sick and need help.
And why would I feel comfortable coming to "talk things out" with you. You're not my friend and as far as I'm concerned you're not my sister. The only effective strategy I've found to dealing with you is to avoid you. My whole life has been everyone tip-toeing around you so they don't get attacked. The problem isn't how I or anyone else interprets your actions. It's YOUR actions.
I've accepted that you'll never change. A lot of times I feel pity for you. Your BPD and alcoholism isn't your fault. But, you've never once tried to meaningfully overcome them. All I want now is to be away from you. I don't want you in my life at all and I don't want you in my child's life. I've tried so hard and for so long for BPDsis' girls alone. I love them with all my heart. But you've used them as leverage since I was 13. I didn't even do anything when you stopped letting me see them. It was a fight between you and mom. But I guess you knew it'd hurt mom more if I wasn't allowed to see them either. You tried to keep them away again the last few months too. Honestly, I was just glad you weren't around. It made me realize, I don't have to live with your craziness. I deserve better than that. And if it means I have to sacrifice a relationship with my nieces until they're 18. It'll be the hardest thing I'll ever do. But I'll do what I have to do for me, my wife, and my baby.
I hope this is a wake-up call to get help."
Let me know if you have any advice before I send it. I'll try and update tomorrow after I send it.

my boyfriend keeps being disrespectful towards me I (F22) been with my boyfriend (M21) for a year now and as of lately it’s been rocky. If you look at the second previous post on my profile this is not the first time something like this has occurred so let me describe what happened this time. So i’m at my boyfriend’s house and his mother was throwing a mother’s day party. When I came I bought his mom a beautiful flower bouquet and some balloons and heartfelt card and also a min cake. She loved it and went downstairs to chill. We’re down there for a good hour and a half and he’s cuddling/ laying on me. So this new ice spice song came on and I showed it to him. When I showed him the song I said that I personally didn’t like it and that she isn’t that great of an artist. He instantly started defending her which caused us to go into a full on debate on ice spice and other female artists who are more talented and don’t get the same recognition as her. It was like he was nearly brained washed trying to defend her. (He was laying fully down on the couch with his head on my upper legs and I had my hand on his chest)
He kept trying to debate with me on my person option until it got to the point of where I checked fully out of the conversation and stopped replying. This enraged him and he threw my arm away from him and a really rude way. After he did this it hurt my feelings so i moved my legs so that his head would be laying on the couch. After I moved his head he kept trying to forcefully make me put my leg back but i refused because of how rude he was acting and then I continued to be on tiktok like we were before this big debate started. Then he snatched my phone away from me (if you read the previous post he did this before but the last time he turned off the tv while i was watching it and as a result i picked up my phone which he snatched out my hand and went away with it )
This time I tried to remain unbothered and this went on for a while too. Mind you after he snatched my phone he picked up his phone and started playing it. So after acting unbothered i snatched my phone back from him and tried to get back to what we were doing before, which was being on our phones. After I got my phone back he said “well if you’re just going to be on your phone you might as well..” and I said “go home ?” and he said yea (I honestly thought he was joking and was going to say jk or something) but when I noticed he was serious I got up and collected my belongings and went upstairs he was leading me out (side note: his mom catered food for the party and I wasn’t hungry when I first got there so they told me to pack a to go plate for later which I did) As I get up stairs I grab my purse and say goodbye to everyone and that “(my boyfriend name) is running me out of here” in like a joking manner.
Then I circle back to grab the plate that I had made then he snatched the plate out of my hand and kept me walking out the door. As I was walking out I wished everyone a happy mother’s day again and hugged his mom (she was at the front door) and kept walking down the stairs and then his mom asked him “aren’t you going to walk her out ?” and and he said “no” and slammed the door. That absolutely crushed me, I couldn’t believe how hurtful he was being to me. So I just got into my car and as I was putting my seatbelt on he appeared saying that his mom “made him” walk me out and I replied “thanks” then he asked if i was mad at him to which i replied “no” (I just couldn’t believe he would even ask me this as if he couldn’t see how upset I was)
At this point im over the disrespect, the first time this happened we talked about it and he made a promise that he was going to work on it. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore I don’t want to be with someone like that. He’s normally a very sweet and caring person idk why he has these sudden switches sometimes but it honestly is starting to take a toll on me.
I blocked him after I got home because of how upset he made me feel and he keeps reaching on different socials blaming me for the whole situation ! With a mix of saying he was sorry and that i am the rude one and that he doesn’t understand why im “doing all of this” im honestly tore between my feelings and my moral values :/ (This was a long story so I appreciated anyone who made it this far)
TLDR; i’m over my boyfriend’s constant disrespect towards me and not sure what i should do next

Sorry for the rant, this is going to be a long one. There are lot involved and leading up to this. I know my fiancé and I need to work on a lot. We’ve done therapy and plan on doing more at some point.
So yesterday was supposed to be a special day for my fiancé. It was her birthday and Mother’s Day. I want to start by saying she is a great mother and our kids love her to death.
Our relationship hasn’t been the best since kids. A lot of on and off arguing. We’ll have a huge blow out argument. We won’t communicate for a few days, have a half assed talk about it (which also turns into a kinda mini argument) then move on and pretend nothing happened. Things have been great the past month or 2. We celebrated my birthday the previous weekend and she made me feel very special.
Saturday was a kids B Day party and then we took it back to her parents house. My fiancé is somewhat of a night owl. She likes to stay up and drink her white claw or wine or whatever and chill. I use to be as well, but after kids and getting older and working a vigorous job I’m not so much anymore. I wake up at 3:30 during the week for work. And when she wants to stay up and I don’t, she doesn’t like it very much and lets me know.
So Saturday night at her parents, she’s feeling pretty tipsy, the kids fell asleep and it’s like 10/10:30 at this point. I’ve had a few myself and took a few hits from the pen earlier (only on weekends when the kids are asleep, it’s legal where I live) and I’m getting tired. We decide to pack the kids up and head home (3 houses up). She’s already making comments about how I’m lame and don’t want to hang out with her for her birthday. That she just wants to spend her day alone or something like that. I already know what this leads to so I say goodnight and head up to bed.
I get a text saying how she doesn’t want to go out to eat tomorrow (I reserved a table for us and her parents to get tacos and margaritas, what she said she wanted to do.) and that she’s not mad not just not up for it. I say ok it’s your day whatever you want.
A few minutes later I get a text saying I’m a huge disappointment, how I lack effort she’s done she’s done etc etc. I fed in to it a little bit and texted back which I probably shouldn’t have done, and basically said you wanted space I gave you space.
So I wake up the next day, everyone is out of bed, which is rare before me. Go down stairs and see the kids gave her her presents which imo was extremely wrong to not wait for me or wake me up. I’m visibly upset and ask “how was your gifts did you like them?”
The rest of the day she shut me out. Went out of her way to exclude me from anything she did with our kids. Told me to stay home when they stopped by her moms. Before this I went out and got her and her mom flowers and wine anyway. I wanted her to have her day. But she made it clear she didn’t want me involved.
I didn’t want to make it about me but I was extremely hurt. Fast forward to the next day, I’m at work and send her a text saying I don’t deserve this. All because I don’t like to stay up late. I say that I finally see I’m not the one for her. Which I do think, I just can’t stand the thought of our kids not having their parents together and being away from them.
Anyway, to make it quick, she pretty much says she’s hurt I didn’t do anything for her, that I hate her and she deserves more, how this is all my fault, I should have done all this stuff. All the typical BS.
Wtf? AITAH? Like I said, she made it crystal clear she didn’t want anything to do with me on her day. I was excited for Sunday. I was ready to make breakfast in bed and make her feel special and celebrate her. In so many ways she said she didn’t want that. Now I’m in the wrong and it’s all my fault.
/rant
TLDR my fiancé is hurt and “heartbroken” because I didn’t get to do much for her on her birthday/Mother’s Day because she wouldn’t let me.

Hello! I am asian american and 15 years old, a sophomore in high school, and today we just got out yearbooks for the school year.
To preface this conversation, my self confidence has been on a downward spiral recently as I notice more and more flaws about myself. This has been going on for a few months and my parents are aware of this. My mom, also understanding my struggles, has tried to help me be more positive; she even told me that I started to look prettier because I was happier. My father and I usually have a lot of conversation about my daily life and struggles where I have told him that I like honesty - which I guess I regret a bit now. However, he has told me that he has a high EQ and a great sense of social awareness, so I assumed that would apply to most cases. When I told him about my insecurities, he kept telling me to just "be confident" and that if an average looking person like me wasn't satisfied with my looks, then how could the ugly people live. Looking back, I understand his statement, but in my state of self loathing, I wouldn't let his words through. But still, after his "pep talk," I still kept degrading myself and would look sullen because of this. I would even cry everyday because of how much I hated my looks - both my parents knew somewhat of what I was going through. From time to time, my dad would also comment on my attitude since I was pretty negative during that time (I will admit, I was the AH during those encounters). Recently, however, I am glad to say that I am slowly recovering and experimenting with makeup to enhance my looks.
Sorry for the long FYI, on to the story. When he picked me up from school today I showed him my yearbook picture, and I joked how I kinda looked like a boy (the picture was taken at the beginning of the year, so I look quite different as my acne had cleared up). After saying that, he said how I should stop parting my hair and just put it up in a ponytail without a part. I will admit that this next part may be my fault, but I got a little frustrated and in an annoyed tone, I told him that I know I shouldn't part my hair (he had told me when I was feeling down) and that I can't change the past of when I took the yearbook picture. I also forgot to add that both my father and I are ill-tempered (like father-like daughter I guess). So when I was agitated, he got mad saying that since I showed him, he was going to say something and that he couldn't say nothing. He proceeded to throw the book to an empty seat and angrily drove off. For the rest of the car ride, we didn't talk.
When we got home, I was trying to be a better person (compared to before) so I called out to my mom, trying to hide my anger, for dinner. The moment my mouth blurted out a sound, my dad starts angrily scolding me, saying how he hated my attitude and that if I was so "amazing" why don't I make my own money and do my own things. He said that he and my mom had done so much for me as to attend a great high school and that they had keep working when they could've already retired. He noted that if I was in a family of 5 (referencing to one of our family friends) that no one would care about me. He said that he had spent countless nights unable to sleep thinking about my college app (which I truly am grateful for, but I never implied that I wanted him to do so much work. I will also note, he does go to the extreme, sometimes). He continued to rant about the same things and others along similar lines before he stormed out.
I ran to the bathroom crying. I had a panic attack which made me start to overthink. And I don't know if I'm in teh wrong.
More things I want to point out (sorry for writing so much) is that my dad always tells me how "he's not like other asian parents," and in a sense, he is different, but at the same time, I'm starting to wonder if he is a narcisist. Funny enough, he was the one who introdcued me to a youtube channel about dealing with narcisists (Dr. Ramani). I googled narcisist anger symptoms and other signs of narcisim and I guess they match up, for the most part. I also felt like he was gaslighting me during his rebuke, but I may also be victimizing myself.
I mainly just want identification on my situation and what I should do about it for the next 2 years before I go to college. (if you need anymore information I will gladly provide it).
Thank you! - I was in a rush, so I apologize for grammar or spelling errors.

Hi everyone, I posted about a year ago about my son, who was almost 3 at the time, and how he struggled socially in a number of ways.
The main struggles are:

• Interacting with anyone he’s not confortable with (and even those he is confortable with, sometimes needs a bit of time to warm up)
  
• Rather be on his on in social settings and doesn’t really follow the pack into playing just kinda drifts off to do his own thing.
  
• Seems to enter his own bubble when he’s overwhelmed and can’t focus for more than a few seconds when in these situations. His mind wanders often.
  

Now there is more but I won’t go into too much more detail. My main concern is now he is starting to tell us that people he doesn’t know are mean and that they are not nice because of stuff they never did. On top of this, just today we asked him how it went at daycare when they celebrated a friend’s birthday and he said he didn’t want to sing and he wasn’t happy for said friend. That he only wanted it to be his birthday (which was recently).
We’ve taken him to see an occupational therapist for help and to see a social therapist and both of them say he’s ok and what he struggles with is borderline and they don’t see a reason yet to send him for an overall evaluation to diagnose a possibility of autism or other disorder, however they never see him in his most uncomfortable setting. That, coupled with his new angry, upset and defensive feeling towards others makes me question if we should be getting another kind of evaluation maybe from a psychologist?
Anyone here have a similar experience and if so, care to share your story on what you did?

I (32m) have been best friends with my buddy from high school (31m) for about 15 years now.
He went to college for 8 years for Engineering, and a year ago he finally got the Engineering job he always wanted, as both his Dad and Brother are in the same field. It's something he's wanted for a long while.
But now, a year later, I feel like an asshole for dreading conversation about it with him. Every week he brings up something awesome about work. How he just got his first business card, how his boss loves him, how he got promoted at work, how in the next couple of years his income will steadily keep increasing, showing a graph his boss gave him projecting his growth. I never have to ask, he will just text it to me randomly or go off topic to bring it up.
I was very happy for him, and still am. I'm really glad he found something to be this happy about. So I have done nothing but praise him whenever its brought up, but I don't have all those "awesome" things he has at my job. I don't get annual raises, or projections for how much money I'll be making next year. I don't have a boss that tells me how great I am at my job, and I especially do not make nearly as much money as my friend, nor will I in the near future. My friend even said on multiple occasions how he feels bad for introducing me into the industry I am in (his step dad gave me my first job in the industry 10 years ago), and yet my friend still brags even though he knows his job has more to offer than mine.
I like my job, but his constant bragging makes me feel like a loser in comparison. His comments on how he feels sorry for getting me into my line of work doesn't help. I don't have anything I can brag about like that to him, and it really bothers me when I get hit with a huge car bill, or have trouble at work, only to get a text from him out of the blue saying how his boss just gave him a raise and promoted him to team lead.
I don't want to prevent my friend from sharing with me, but I can't help but compare my own life whenever I hear about it so frequently and during times when my life isn't going so well. How should I approach this?
TL;DR
Friend will constantly brag about how awesome his job is and how much money he will be making, and how much recognition he gets at work. I am happy for him, but he will bring this up almost every week, and sometimes I am not doing well financially or just got into it with someone at work, he'll text me out of the blue to tell me how his boss is giving him a raise for being great at his job. I can't help but compare sometimes and feel like a loser in comparison on days when things aren't going so well for me. But don't know how to tell him this without looking bitter or resentful of him chasing his dreams. How do I approach this?

Hi everyone, hope you're well if you're reading this, and apologies for the long post.
I'm a white European guy (36) and have been with my Indian Fiancé (31) (originally from Kerala) for nearly 4 years now. Very much in love, and our relationship is nearly perfect when we are together. She has struggled with anxiety and depression for some time now, and it's reached an all time low now.
I'm sure you've probably guessed from the above sentence alone, but I was asked to be okay with keeping the relationship a secret from her parents and community, and I went along with this despite, honestly, seeing it as ludicrous. It was hand waived away as a cultural difference by my partner, and she was happy to keep the status quo for a while.
When we got engaged, she obviously told her parents, and the reaction was somewhat dramatic - I'm sure again, that if you're reading this, you can probably guess the events and behaviours without me going into them.
I wrote her family a letter, introducing myself and asking for their blessing, saying that I was looking forward to meeting them - this was met with further hostility. I'm a big believer in tackling problems head on, and wanted to simply knock on their door and have a conversation, but I was begged not to by my fiancé.
Life continued with its usual ups and downs, with attempts at interference by her cousins (one saying she should leave as I'm not Indian, another saying that a long-term illness I was suffering with meant she should leave me - the irony in two men who regularly cheat on their wives and families giving relationship advice about a couple they'd never met was somewhat funny), again I was begged not to say anything and I complied despite my anger at this.
I love her dearly, and would do near anything for her, and it breaks my heart to see her struggling with her mental health, things have gotten much worse recently.
Last week, out of nowhere, we had a call (she's currently in India with her mother), and she was completely broken and tried to break up with me, with no reason given. There's no other man, she still loves me, but "this is the best decision for her right now", said through sobs - I disagreed completely, I've been in enough relationships to know when things are going wrong and coming to an end, and we'd just spent a weekend together madly in love and having a great time. We spoke about getting her some more therapy, and our plans for the future etc., so this conversation came as quite a blow - I agreed to give her some time & space, and quite honestly, after this conversation I needed the same, I was so bitterly disappointed. Take away all of the family nonsense, and this is a near perfect relationship being chipped away at by utter bullshit.
I then made a decision (after consulting several of my own friends and family) - I love this woman, and I'm not giving up without a fight, if the relationship dies then at least I did what I felt was the right thing to do.
I wanted to just get the worst of her anxieties dealt with, something I should have done years ago. I decided after a few days of space, to go and meet her community at their church , and from there, I'd bring lunch around to her Dad and have a civilised conversation about everything - I didn't want her involved in the decision as I knew she'd back down and give in to fear.
I attended their service (asking for permission from the clergy to do so), was respectful, and met very many lovely people, I came away from this with an invite to a kids baptism, several phone numbers of new friends, and all around it was a great time, they wouldn't let me leave and were very hospitable. I ensured that I was humble, but was honest when asked who I knew there, and my reasons for attending (stating that my partner was worried I wouldn't fit it, and I was going to surprise her by having already been).
I then went and spoke with her father, who again, was very kind and gentle, we shared a laugh over several things, I apologised for my part in not meeting them sooner, but said that I'd had enough of the secrecy and would love to get to know the family better, and have bygones be bygones, I also apologised for turning up unannounced, that it wasn't my intent to be disrespectful and was in fact the opposite - so far so good.
My partner called me a few hours later, initially a little annoyed with me, but soon realised I was doing this to support her, and she thanked me for being 'courageous', and we reconciled, reaffirming our relationship and love for one another.
Cut to today, and again she's in massive amounts of turmoil, apparently despite the outward appearances of kindness, members of her community have been 'shaming' the mother who is hugely embarrassed by my actions (I'm in my late thirties, I don't need anyone's permission to go anywhere, nor do I think what I did was embarrassing at all), and is now exerting more pressure on my fiancé due to the shame of what I've done (I feel absolutely no shame for this). We haven't broken up, and I kept reasserting that, if we communicate, there's nothing we can't get past.
I feel that all of this is absolutely insane - I treat their daughter always with kindness, respect and love, have plans for a very wholesome future, have a great career, look after my own parents very well, etc., but I can't win for losing.
I show some guts, and its deemed as 'outrageous'. I stay quiet, and I still lose. I'm getting tired of dealing with this bullshit, I'm too old to be worried about what other people think of my relationship (that they know nothing about aside from my skin colour being different to my partners). But I do care deeply about my partner, she's everything to me.
I'm looking for advise from anyone who's been in a similar situation, my gut instinct is telling me I need to confront her mother when she returns as I feel it's about time that we all acted like rational adults about this, but I fear my fiancé is too fragile to cope with this. In the meantime, I'm trying to source a decent therapist for her, as I fear she nearing crisis point with her mental health (regardless if we end up apart, I want her to be well).
TL;DR: Indian fiancés parents and community interfering in my relationship with her, I can't seem to make any headway, advice and experience sought.
Thanks for reading friends!

Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

When I (23F) first started working at my job, I met my former friend (21F)(let's call her K). K and I knew each other because her training partner was in my orientation class. When we first met, she briefly complained that her ex bf (23M)(let's call him D) had followed her to our work and he got a job at our work as well.
K and I worked in the same department, different areas. When K and I got close, I told her that I got promoted and was working in another area. K told me that D was also working in the same area and to not talk about her at work. I didn't pry into what had happened between the two of them because how people mourn their broken relationships is different. I just moved along my business and just do my job per usual. I didn't officially meet him until a couple weeks later, and the first couple of instances, I treated him as I would treat any coworker and just did my job, never asked to hang out outside of work, just treated my coworkers with respect until I have a reason not to.
Then, out of nowhere, every room I had walked into and he saw me, D gave me a look of disgust with me, a snobby look, as if I was below him. D had gone so far as to exclude me from group conversations with coworkers and I didn't really know why because I never brought up K with him or with anyone. It wasn't until I told her what had happened and she was like "Yeah I told him that we knew each other because we're still talking as friends." In my mind I was like "?????" I thought it was uncalled for and unnecessary. I informed K that D intentionally excludes me out of conversations with coworkers that I was also friendly with and K told me, "If he likes you, he likes you, if he doesn't, he doesn't", but insinuating that I did something wrong, so I just decided to keep my distance from K for awhile.
I didn't like D at all at this point, not because of his association with K, but because he was the worst person to work with! He was always bitching and complaining about moving carts and complaining in front of customers about how he's tired and how he hates working, etc etc. There was a time where he was the only guy not doing anything and standing around and I politely asked him to move a cart and he threw a fit in front of customers and demanded another girl nearby to do it for him. He wasn't on any work restrictions, nothing, just didn't want to do his job. I understand not liking your job, but it's never an excuse to under perform at your job. And because of him, many others decided to throw a fit about working to the point where, I had to attend meetings about it. The times I treated him nicely, he gave me a dirty look. All the times to where I just ignored him and did my job, he also gave me a dirty look. It got so bad that management decided to announce that anyone refusing to do their job would be reprimanded, rightfully so. I was so mad about it to the point where I requested that I be demoted back to my original workplace (which I love so much) and to just call me in when necessary.
Some time passes by and K and I become really close, I don't pry into her life because tbh, I didn't have a lot of trust for her when it comes to talking about work, so I just kept it at what was going on at where I first got hired at work. K told me around August that her and D were no longer on speaking terms and that she had gone no contact because she claimed that he was abusive and narcissistic. We became very close to where we were constantly talking to each other everyday.
K was living good after cutting out D in her life. She started becoming more social and more lively, she went on vacation, she was just glowing in a way that you knew she was happy. On the other hand, based on my conversations with her, I could tell that she was struggling to come to terms with being abused by this guy. Ex: her supervisor came into my office and we were talking about how amazing K was and I told her that story, K became scared that I even had a conversation with her supervisor, but until I told her that we were talking about how amazing she was, K started to cry tears of joy.
And then things took a turn for the worse. A couple of weeks ago, K told me that she just wants to just isolate herself and that she felt lost in life. I told her that I'd be praying for her. And then, I had asked her if she wanted to come to the movies with me and a couple of my friends. K asked me who was going and I told her my friend (lets call her S) S (20F) was going to go. S and I have worked with D and S told me that she's also had issues with D, but didn't go into detail as to what happened. K immediately informed me that she and D had recently started talking again and that if she heard me or S talk about D in a negative manner, then she would tell him. I told her that my issues with D are nothing personal, my issue was that he wasn't a good employee and basically called him an inconsiderate asshat. I told her that he had the right to not like his workplace, but it gave him no right to under perform his job. K told me that she'd pass this message along and I firmly told her no because she didn't know what the new updates were and new disciplinary actions were because she didn't receive proper training at my work area and therefore not eligible.
I reminded her that it wasn't a good idea to be speaking to D again, considering that she was happy post life after D and based on what she has told me, that it was abusive. I told K that she needed to reconsider her stance on where she stood with D.
A week passes and S and our friend E (21M) decided to take an impromptu visit to our workplace to have some fun. I texted K if she was working and K told me she was. I told K that we'd be visiting mine and S's area first before visiting K and she seemed excited. While we were in line talking, S had spotted from the corner of her eye that D was working and so S and I hid behind our friend E and had E briefly talk to D in order to get serviced (basically just telling D that we were a party of 3). Once the coast was clear, S confides in me and E about her history with D. Her history with D started when D asked her to hang out a total of two times throughout the course of their friendship, but said that D had a crush on her, writing her paragraphs, but she wasn't into D because he wasn't her type, and when she told him honestly and politely, the friendship had soured, and D had resorted to degrading her.
We came to K's work area and I had introduced S and E to K. The next morning, K texted me saying how it was so nice to see my face because it was a long night and that it was so nice to meet S and E. I told K that E's birthday was coming up and so was mine and that we were talking about taking a trip to Universal Studios Hollywood. K told me that she was a huge Universal Studios enthusiast and to give her a date to go and she'll request the day off.
I made a group chat with all of us in it, to plan out our trip to Universal. S and E hit it off with K. And then a couple of days ago, when I came home from work, I noticed that K had unadded me as a friend on Snapchat. I texted her, asking if she was okay. I got a response the next morning of K texting me, "Please don't talk to me. You've really caused issues and you'll find out later." I was upset and taken aback. This is not the K that I knew. One of the rare times K and I had a disagreement, we would always talk it out like adults and then apologize to each other. K didn't explain to me as to what I did wrong. I couldn't think of what could I have done wrong. The only recent disagreement that I had with her was her speaking to D again.
After work that day, S texted me to ask if I was okay. I told her no because K abruptly ended our friendship with no explanation whatsoever. S called me because she too wanted to know the reason why. S and I came to the conclusion that because K and D were still talking to each other and that because S and D had a history, he found out that K was going to Universal with us, and in order to keep her under his control, he fed her lies about S and I, enough for her to stop talking to me. S told me that she was upset that his actions with her resulted in the demise of our friendship and I told S that it wasn't her fault that, D was scared of being exposed, so he played the victim card.
S told me she'd pull up the receipts of their conversations. The receipts she pulled up was abhorrent. It was misogynistic, sexist, manipulative, and arrogant in the worst way possible and he used religion against S as well as used many of his victim cards (race card, religion card, etc). S was also explaining to E and I many different instances of what had happened and that she felt bad for K because if he spoke this way to a friend, imagine how he spoke to K. I immediately felt so much empathy for both S and K because they had been both dragged through the mud, with D villainizing S for having a preference for another type of guy, and D villainizing K to others. So the next day, at work, with S's permission, I told majority of my colleagues that D was an inconsiderate asshat, misogynistic, and an abusive person towards people, and outright a narcissistic person while showing everyone the screenshots of his conversations with S. AITAH for exposing D to colleagues for his behavior? (sorry for the long read)

I'm a long time lurker here, what, I think, kinda speaks for itself. Made a throwaway for this. I'm not a native english speaker, but I hope I can express myself in a decent way.
Right now, I (M30) really feel like reflecting my drinking behavior, because yesterday I felt like dying. AGAIN. Like I have so often already, but the cycle starts over and over again so quickly that I just can't get ahold of it and it seems like i just go with that "flow" like forever...
I'm from Germany, where we have a huge drinking-culture. Everyone seems to enjoy their drink like anytime and all over the place and it's just viewed as perfectly normal. And well, it kinda is - it sometimes appears to me that drinking is what connects and holds our rather distanced and self-centered german society together in some way, I don't know...
My parents both are big time alcoholics - my mom actually went to rehab and keeps being sober for almost 8 years now - I'm extremely proud of her! My dad doesn't even see an issue with his drinking, since it's "just beer". Literally all day, everyday, but "just beer", so from his pov it's non-problematic. I grew up with both of them, but I moved out at 16 because of, well, reasons, so I don't have the best relationship with them whatsoever.
I drink regulary since I'm 13 years old. Sometimes more, sometimes less but never have I didn't drink and I've never really seen a problem with that. There's been periods of daily binge-drinking for several months straight in my teenage years, it then got less in my 20s. Now the average german village-dude would probably say I shouldn't adress this "little" regular drinking as a problem. But I will from now on, because it is...
I currently live with my lovely wife in a nice flat in a fine big city and I work a great job where I feel valued and respected. And rather surprisingly I get to manage all of that pretty well despite the drinking... but I feel like that isn't going to work very much longer.
I have a lot of good friends and a smaller circle (5) of long term "best friends" who I really love from the bottom of my heart. We went through a lot of together so it really feels deeply familiar to be around them. We hang out quite a lot and by hanging out you could say we're basically getting shitfaced together... Every damn time...
We all (and especially myself) have literally zero self-control when it comes to alcohol, so when we start (and we do always start at some point) we just don't stop until it's all "empty and late". Even then it's not uncommon to visit another 24h-store or a club/pub to drink a couple more, sometimes in the middle of the night on a tuesday... For many many years now, we meet 2-4 times a week in various constellations and just have ridiculously huge quantities of beer and wine together, sometimes liqour on the weekends, and we basically just drink, talk and goof around for hours. I mean sometimes we play football or basketball, go on a hike or a bicycle-tour, or we cook dinner, visit a concert or partys/ events but man we're always drinking like there's no tomorrow. And in those moments it always feels so damn right...
But when reality snaps back into my body and mind again, I feel like an empty piece of weak and hurt shame and it's getting worse with every drinking-session... lately my health definitely seem to suffer a lot more than I'm used to, I am extremely nauseous and dizzy the days after drinking, suffer from extreme headaches and feel enormously depressed and anxious. And life just goes on and on while there is no break to be seen...
I lost my keys, wallet and phone multiple times the last few years, had multiple (minor) accidents while drunk-driving my bike, got into fights with random (drunk) people, did drugs just because "why not", got arrested for stupid bullshit I'd have never done sober, disappointed my wife and friends because I couldn't get my hungover ass up for planned activities, forgot or canceled a few important appointments... it's actually like: half of the time I'm drunk and the other half of the time I'm hungover, on and on and on, and it's getting more and more exhausting to the point I feel like Im about to break down in the future... I archieved a lot of great things in the past 10 years and am proud of myself in many ways, but suddenly I feel like I've lost control a looong while ago and am now starting to realize it and that's kinda terrifying...
My friends and I talked about general drinking a lot throughout the years and kinda agreed on "yeah, we're basically 'functional alcoholics', but as long as everyone of us gets his stuff together and is happy - why not?". That never felt wrong, because I've always been indeed a rather happy person and got my stuff indeed quite good together. My wife (who btw also enjoys to have her drinks with us sometimes, but absolutely knows her limit and is inspiringly reasonable) is super sweet and supportive in any way, but she too has been worried lately as she realizes I'm starting to not do feel too well...
On saturday another 3-day-streak had come to an embarrassing end - the 5th time that week I was really really drunk... Monday and Tuesday the usual "let's grab a beer and hang out" (both days lead to 8-10 beers and at least 2 bottles of white wine), on Thursday I've visited a concert (blackout drunk), on friday a friend celebrated her birthday (like 8 beers and a few cocktails amd shots) and saturday I helped another friend moving so I of course "needed a beer to end the day" - Came home in the morning and slept with all my clothes on the couch, can't remember nothing after like midnight... Yesterday I literally just laid in my bed, scrolled through senseless apps for hours and felt physically and mentally deeply sick...
It's been the nicest weather all day, my beautiful wife went out to the lake with her friends, birds singing, children playing, air smells like BBQ... and I was here, alone, feeling like a dead sick self-pitying waste of space, asking myself what I'm doing with this wonderful life... I feel a desperate need for change, but right now I don't know how and I cannot imagine how I should gather the strength to just not drink at all from now on. I don't even seem to have the strength to drink just a little less soentimes ffs... but definitely IWNDWYT - I got to start somewhere...
Thanks for reading, I needed to let that out...