Food you cant eat with dentures

I'll tell you my whole story. I haven't told this to anyone.
I am not a germophobic person. I don't have a problem eating food if i dropped it by mistake and stuff. My table is scattered with books. BUT the one thing i can't stand is the restroom. even if there is a slight dot on a window pane, or the Toilet seat caused by anything like rust/fecal matteor ANYTHING my body dies. My mind tells me to get it fixed but at the same time im scared of it and can't go near it. IDK WHY. Even if the mirrors have smudges and stuff.
I KEEP CHECKING LOCKS. I keep checking doors to see if they are unlocked even. I have a constant urge to look to my left to see the balcony if it's covered even if i have done it a million time. I don't want to but it's like my mind says DO IT DO IT DO IT. And usually it's when im doing something that requires focus. My brain doesn't want to focus and i don't know why. I really want to study but my brain prevents it.
If you know how to fix this problem tell me please. Don't suggest narcotics because i might get addicted. Anything which helps fix this problem.
I have tried not to see for a week but that urge is there. MY EYE HURTS BECAUSE OF IT

I wanted to give back a bit after receiving some great information from folks on this sub before a (very short notice and sparsely planned) solo trip to Panama in late April/early May of 2024. I'm subtitling this post "I did a lot in Panama so you don't (necessarily) have to". Truth be told, I started the trip with 4 nights and one in-country flight booked and built the rest of my itinerary on the fly. I definitely could have used an extra week or so before the trip to do some itinerary planning, deeper research on where I chose to stay, etc. but I really enjoyed most of the trip and would absolutely recommend Panama as a solo trip destination.
Rough pre-departure itinerary:

• Panama City: Arrive at about 2 PM on a Thursday, stay three nights at Selina Casco Viejo, depart at 8 AM on Sunday via plane to David (Copa Airlines)
• Boquete: Arrive at about noon Sunday (after transit to town from airport), stay two nights at the Bambuda Castle
• Bocas for unknown amount of time/other stuff in the west off the country
• Return to Panama City from David via plane (Copa) Sunday Morning
• Return to USA on a redeye flight Tuesday night

I arrived in Panama City on time and took an Uber straight to Selina (cost $28). The Selina there is in a decent location, kind of on the edge of Casco Viejo but walkable to everything. I checked in and was told there was a welcome happy hour with a free drink and a free walking tour every day at 10. The 6-person dorm had a dedicated bathroom, but wasn't much for the price ($30/night) and I'm just now realizing I booked a 4-person dorm then was put in the wrong lodging... There is a bar and allegedly a pool on the roof of the property, but the pool was not open when I was there. The welcome drink was an underwhelming event, though I did meet a few cool people I ended up doing more with later. There really isn't much in the way of common space at Selina Casco Viejo and I found it to be overpriced, underwhelming, and not a great place to meet people. I ended up booking the canal tour ($60ish) with them (which was via the personal vehicle of the guide, a small sedan cramming 4 of us in plus the driver), but I did a different free walking tour after hearing poor reviews of the one provided by Selina. While Selina felt like a huge waste (would not recommend this location), I really liked Casco Viejo. The food was surprisingly good, especially ceviche at Marea https://maps.app.goo.gl/MdWBJ1uw4mWLB7r2A and a nice stop for middle eastern at Estambul Casco https://maps.app.goo.gl/qFq8wAm5NEzJw84F8 . I also made a quick stop with some people from the hostel at La Fabrica https://maps.app.goo.gl/WdAG1KAhwmkj1TbS8 which had a decent tap list and cool vibe and the Pedro Mandinga Rum bar (highly recommend) for some beers and a rum flight https://maps.app.goo.gl/seXCnetthN18BbUB9 . I also, as a cigar smoker, made a stop at the official La Casa del Habano store https://maps.app.goo.gl/uhswvnFPe1Y1Uzbu9 where the staff was chill and the cigarum selection was good. I finished out my cigar and partook in a bit of happy hour across the street at Finca del Mar which had a decent outdoor area for a drink https://maps.app.goo.gl/kPSiTHdd2mJmtakGA but the food was not recommended so I didn't try it.
I was up early to get to David on Sunday morning, so I figured I'd just grab food and coffee at the airport lounge (mistake). It turns out the Copa flight to David departs from the "domestic" gate, which is a standalone area on the ground floor of the airport. There are no amenities, just a single vending machine, and you get bussed to the plane. Do not go early for a David flight, security was very easy and I ended up waiting in the small seating area for way too long. The flight was fine, but don't expect to access a lounge or coffee shop after security.
I got to David pretty early and hadn't done my research on transit, but knew there was public bus service to Boquete. I was trying to figure out how to get to the bus terminal when a taxi offered to drive me all the way to Boquete for $40 which seemed like a decent deal so I went for it. Boquete is pretty small, a little mountain town with a relaxed vibe. I spent quite a bit of time at the brewery which, if you know craft beer pretty well, wasn't the best on beer quality but had good live music and a fun atmosphere https://maps.app.goo.gl/EJFiRiwQsbJ89UPa9 . I worked from here a little bit too, definitely where I spent the most time. I got a delicious dinner at RetroGusto which was really reasonable https://maps.app.goo.gl/8gcU1GHqXrfbTCoX9 and a good lunch at Donde Giselle which was a little more expensive, but also delicious https://maps.app.goo.gl/uNsz1EqCDfnSpYfk8 . I did a coffee finca tour through Bambuda ($35) at Don Pepe. It was pretty cool, not a lot of walking but the guide was knowledgeable and we got to see the full operation in a small footprint. I bought one bag and was happy I did, they were 3 times the price in the airport on the way home. The Tres Cascadas (three waterfall) trail was a must, it does have a steep section that has ropes affixed to help but was otherwise a pretty straightforward trail. It did cost a few dollars to hike as it's on private property. I took a taxi there ($20) but took the bus back ($2.25). The bus comes by every 30-40 minutes and they generally wait a bit at the entrance to the trail from the road to see if people come down. We did end up picking up a whole bunch of kids leaving school, but it was pretty funny and we managed to fit everyone. I did do the Volcan Baru hike, which cost $18 for a taxi to the trailhead but was otherwise free. It is a grueling hike, it took a little over 5 hours for me to get to the top and I was not having fun. I was very lucky to encounter a couple who was dropped off at the same time at the trailhead and, while we did not hike together, we did take a few breaks together and it was nice to be within sight of their headlamps. It was COLD at the top and I was happy I had a light down jacket and a fleece. I did a good job of timing up my climb with the sunrise, only needing to wait at the top for maybe 30 minutes before the sun came up. You can go up in a jeep, and I was very lucky to beat the offroad vehicles up as they were very loud coming up the mountain. It did get pretty crowded at the top by the time all of the jeeps had emptied out and their clients climbed the last bit to the summit. The view was phenomenal, you can see both the Caribbean and the Pacific on a clear day and the sunrise was beautiful. It was a little annoying that the 6 of us who climbed it had to share with the 25 or so who rode up in cars, but worth it. One spot I wish I had visited, but it just didn't work out, was a wood fire pizza spot that came recommended by our coffee guide and by several travelers https://maps.app.goo.gl/T93KKqHxXoQ7AFhf6 . I got lucky at the Bambuda Castle as I booked a 3 bed room but had it to myself. It had a nice restaurant and common space within the castle itself that was a good working space and had a fantastic view. The food was pretty good, with a few vegetarian options and smoothies. It's a pretty decent walk from the center of town, and about $4-5 taxi ride from the Boquete center. If I went again, I would probably look to stay somewhere in the center of town but I don't regret giving the Castle a shot.
I traveled out of Boquete to Bocas del Toro the same day I did the Baru hike, leaving via shuttle at 1 PM ($37) which I arranged through Bambuda. I ended up using a discount QR code at Bambuda Castle to book their Bocas town Hostel for three nights. The shuttle was fine, but it's a quick trip through winding mountain roads so be prepared if you get carsick. A big bonus, that I would recommend you ask about, was that this shuttle did not go all the way to Almirante, but instead stopped at Chiriqui Grande and proceeded via small boat (lancha) from there. The longer boat trip was fantastic, much better than the long/boring road which runs the rest of the way. I got stopped right off the boat in by several people trying to sell tours and got one person's number for a potential $35 Cayo Zapatilla tour but didn't commit, choosing to get to Bambuda Bocas Town first and settle in before making decisions. While I wish I had spent some more time at either red frog beach or another island, with only 3 nights and having booked late my options were limited. For Bocas Town, Bambuda was great. The front desk folks were pretty helpful and the restaurant was good for breakfast (the vegetarian burrito option is better than the sandwich). The hostel deck goes right out to the lagoon, and it's always busy with people hanging out in the sun or jumping into the lagoon. It was a great spot to do some work over coffee and, frankly, I wish I had spent more time here or at the Bambuda Lodge. I ended up doing the Caya Zapatilla tour (highly recommend, if only for the stop at Caya Zapatilla) for $35 with the operator I met right off the boat. This included pick up and drop off from Bambuda, and they had a cooler that I threw a few Balboas of my own in for the trip. We did stop mid-way for lunch which was not included and was a little expensive. This was the only actual tour I did during my time there, I spent my other full day just kind of hanging out and went to Starfish Beach (not as nice as Caya Zapatilla, but worth an afternoon) with a group from the hostel. I also did salsa night at Selina (fun, but a bad instructor) and karaoke at Aqua Lounge (get there in time to get a round of the happy hour special, the screen is behind the stage so not ideal for karaoke but it's easy to get on the list). I did not do Filthy Friday, I ended up departing Bocas that day but I would have been on the fence about it anyway. I guess it's a "when in Bocas" thing, so I probably would have gone for it. I really wish I had spent another night in Bocas, I regretted not having another day out there as soon as I left. It turned out to be the best place on my trip to meet people, it's definitely a general party vibe, and actually the best place to get work done of the hostels I stayed at. I did dinner at Pier 19 which was pretty nice, if not a little expensive and probably not a good solo traveler vibe https://maps.app.goo.gl/6vJG1rdUPCqEf9W3A . I did brunch one day away from Bambuda at Casa Papaya, their typical Panamanian breakfast and it was a great deal/meal https://maps.app.goo.gl/9CPFCxu6woWwKuwM7 . I did hear from some people that the bird island was a fun tour, and worth the day/cost. I did some bonus late night, unofficial stuff like swimming after midnight at Selina and an impromptu midnight trip out to see the bioluminescence and the stars with a random lancha taxi from the Selina dock. Not sure how I'd direct someone to arrange that, but say yes if it's an option.
I took off from Bocas via shuttle for the Lost and Found Hostel on Friday around noon ($20) which I arranged at the main lancha dock. This shuttle did not include a boat all the way to Chiriqui Grande, it was the short boat with the long road segment. A few people did get car sick during the first leg of the trip, the road is in pretty rough shape so lots of speeding up, slowing down, and swerving potholes. Lost and Found really caught my eye because of how much I enjoyed Secret Garden Cotopaxi in Ecuador. In the end, it didn't live up to that lofty expectation and I should not have squeezed it in. The allure is that it's isolated in the jungle, you have to walk about 15 minutes up the trail from the road to reach the hostel property. There are several buildings, with one primary common area with a few tables and hammocks. A big downside is that everything is outdoors, under cover of roofs but open still, which wasn't ideal in the evening during the season I went where it rained in the afternoons. There is a community kitchen if you bring your own food along, or there is an option to get breakfast/lunch/dinner from the hostel. I had a few meals there: the smoothie bowl was good, the lentil curry was a little on the salty side. The hiking is pretty cool and I ended up going up over the mountain to the big tree, the lookout, and the river. I didn't bring water, but definitely should have brought a liter along. In the end, with only about half a dozen other people staying there and 2/3 of the staff being pretty insular and not really socializing with the guests, it just wasn't a great addition to my trip. It might be a better option for a group or during a different season, but it provided a logistical challenge to make my flight back from David to Panama City and it wasn't really worth the risk of making it work, so I hired a car ($30) to take me to David and just ate the price of my second night at Lost and Found. It was beautiful, but it just wasn't on the same level as Secret Garden Cotopaxi which inspired me to give this a shot. I think, all in, my stop at Lost and Found cost me about $76.
The combination of having scheduled a flight on election day (oops) and the lack of help from lost and found staff meant that my best bet was a night in David. I used Hilton points to book a night at the Hampton and had myself a recovery night. I got a hot and ready pizza from the Little Caesar's next door and two Sam Adam's Boston Lagers from the bar. Fantastic recovery night, vey nice Hampton, and a pretty nice little breakfast. It refreshed me at a point where I was not really enjoying the trip and pushed me to go for one more stop rather than laying low in Panama City.
After my flight back to Panama City, I took the metro all the way to the Avenida Terminal (less than $1 total, it is very easy to purchase a card and load it at the station) to grab the bus to Valle de Anton. It was fairly easy to find the window to buy the bus ticket ($4.25). It's important to buy for El Valle and not just Anton, a town which is not where you want to end up. There was a confusing bit of business related to a transit card (not the same transit card as the metro. I couldn't seem to find a machine to buy one from, and eventually the guy at the turnstile took pity and just used his own to let me in. I paid him back, but it was very confusing that you needed to buy the ticket then a card with which to pay an additional 10 cents to get to the bus at Gate 53. I can't really offer advice other than you should try to figure out how to get this card, or if you can just pay with a dime, right when you buy your ticket. I let the bus (not a very big bus, somewhere between a van and a bus) driver know where I was headed on the way and they dropped me right at Bohdi in Valle de Anton. The whole trip is about 3 hours, with lots of local stops the whole way. Bohdi was a pretty cool spot, with a great yoga space with a guided lesson on a TV every morning. It has a kitchen if you want to cook for yourself and free coffee plus breakfast every day from 7:30-10:00. Both breakfasts were pancakes, but it was free and they were pretty good. There are some cool lounge spots out back, a few cafe tables out front, and a loft space as well. It was a decent, but not perfect spot, to do work if that's what you're looking for. The dorm does have 3 levels of beds, and they aren't all that comfy, but I'd recommend Bohdi. The first night I was in town I went to the Golden Frog Inn on a recommendation and it turned out to be a great spot to watch the sunset and have some pretty good (although a small) vegetarian tacos https://maps.app.goo.gl/pzRuyYuwHZvMVnAo8 . One afternoon I chose to do the India Dormida hike, I left and walked all the way back to Bohdi, it was a few hours total. It's a quick climb up to the top and you can walk the whole ridge that forms the edge of the caldera. It was a beautiful view and you can really see the old crater rim formations from the top. It's clear up there, no trees and wide open, and the breeze was very refreshing. I ended up coming down about halfway across the ridge, starting from the north. I grabbed a vegetarian dinner at El Rincon Colombiano which I'd recommend https://maps.app.goo.gl/tRcAAnAm9fYni7Nv8 and some guacamole and a beer at La Ranita which was pretty good https://maps.app.goo.gl/BcdB8uCqaSRv1RyE8 . Overall, I really liked Valle de Anton and I'm happy I made it happen. It's a little drier and warmer than Boquete, with a lot less coffee influence, but I liked the vibe and wish I had done more hiking around the area.
For my last evening in Panama, I grabbed a room just to have a place to put bags and clean up before my flight at Hotel Caracas, a recommendation from someone I met in my first stop in Casco Viejo. I did not plan to work from here, nor did I spend a night, but for $35 it was a perfect spot to leave things as I went to knock out a few more items before my flight home. I popped into Tantalo for a quick bite to eat https://maps.app.goo.gl/9pA9Dmw8AE9doabT7 which I don't know if I'd recommend for food, but the view was good. I think I meant to go to CasaCasco, which was recommended for ceviche and sushi, but ended up in the wrong spot. I then went over to Element to get some cocktails https://maps.app.goo.gl/mwYt2D7X43ua4jGu6 . Element has an interesting vibe, kind of a steampunk theme to the décor. The two guys behind the bar, who I believe own it, were fantastic. They don't have a set menu but instead try to match a drink to what you're feeling at the time. I had a classic daquiri and an old fashioned, which both came with a little bit of a twist on the classic recipe. They also pulled down a few different spirits which we tasted together, overall I'd highly recommend a stop and it was especially fun as the only patron there. After two cocktails, I cleaned up and called an Uber and headed to the airport. Just a heads up, the Copa Club is pretty nice, has limited food, but tragically closes at 9 PM. I had a flight that left at nearly 11 PM, so this was a little disappointing.
Overall, I loved Panama. The people were friendly, even if the service in many places was pretty lackluster. It's more expensive than Colombia or Ecuador, but several people told me it's slightly cheaper than Costa Rica. It's a good stop if you're not sure about central or south America as it's extremely safe, if you use common sense, and it's not too hard to get around using shuttles/taxis/ubers if you don't want to brave public transit. It offers very good food options in Panama City, and it's easy to find a Hampton Inn/Hooters/McDonald's/Little Caesar's/Wendy's if you need a break from being adventurous. The Spanish isn't difficult, and most people speak at least some English. I would have dropped lost and found hostel from my itinerary if I planned it again, but did not regret any of the other stops. I do kind of wish I had focused on Bocas and Boquete, saving Valle de Anton and maybe San Blas together for a future trip, but I had already painted myself into a bit of a corner with my David-Panama flights by the time I realized this. I hope this helps someone as they plan their Panama trip, or helps them decide Panama is a worthwhile visit! Please do not make as many changes as I did, I absolutely did at least one to many stops and wish I had spent more time in Bocas and probably Valle de Anton. Anyway, feel free to ask questions in the comments and I'll try to address them as they come in!
Final Itinerary:

• 3 nights at Selina Casco Viejo (meh, not recommended)
• 2 nights at Bambuda Castle Boquete
• 3 nights at Bambuda Bocas Town (recommend)
• 1 night at Lost & Found Hostel (not my jam, would not do again)
• 1 night at Hampton Inn David (saved my trip, loved it, would recommend)
• 2 nights at Bohdi Valle de Anton (solid, would recommend)
• 1 kind of night at Hotel Caracas (did exactly what I needed)

My husband (31M) and I (30F) (no children) have been together since I was 15 years old, so my relationship with my in-laws literally started when I was a child. They treat me like they do their own children (for better or for worse), and I will acknowledge that I am grateful for that more often than not.
However, an unfortunate part of being treated like one of their children is being met with unreasonable expectations. My mother-in-law loves to keep score, especially when it comes to my family. My spouse and I live a couple of hours away and used to see our parents once a month or so. Because our parents live so close to each other, we would usually travel to their town for the day and get breakfast with my parents and spend the afternoon with his.
My in-laws live just a few miles away from my parents in a small wealthy suburb and run in the same circles. Even though our parents do not hang out often, they are very aware of what is going on in each other's lives.
Our world turned upside down earlier this year when my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's still fairly young (55) and is doing well with treatment. Even though his body is responding well to treatment, the prognosis is still terminal. We are just prolonging the inevitable as long as we can while prioritizing his quality of life.
Treatment has slowed down my dad's capacity to work around the house, and he cannot drive. I moved back in with my parents to help my mom drive him to treatments, physical therapy, etc. and my husband joins me most weekends to help with home maintenance. This has been especially labor intensive as we head into the summer months. My mother-in-law is aware of this and has expressed that she is hurt that we are not spending more time at their house too. My husband has told her how ridiculous this is considering current circumstances, and reminded her that we are actually spending more time than usual at her house since we are in the area more often. She replied that she still feels hurt that we are spending more time with my parents than we are with her.
My mother-in-law calls me often to check-in on my dad, and I give her high-level updates on his progress. When she calls, she insists on sharing the same story about the recent death of her friend who had the same kind of cancer that my dad has. I have told her repeatedly that I do not want to hear this story anymore because it's upsetting, but she still tells the story, instead prefacing with "I know this upsets you, but..." I stopped taking her calls, and my husband has asked her to only communicate with him moving forward. So now she is telling anyone that will listen that I have cut her out of my life, which isn't true. I still see her in person, I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to take her calls for the time being.
Things came to a head on Mother's Day. There were no discussions about us coming over to their house until she sent a text my husband early in the week asking if 1 pm on Sunday would work for us. Honestly, we had forgotten about Mother's Day because we've been so busy. My husband expressed that he had to finish a couple of term papers for graduate school that weekend and asked if we could celebrate next weekend. He's been behind all semester because of my dad's cancer, and this was his last extension. My mother-in-law threw a fit, so my husband said we could drop by for an hour on Mother's Day and have a bigger celebration next weekend.
When we arrived, she said that it would be another hour until the food was ready to eat. My husband reminded her that he had to get home to submit his term papers and couldn't stay for long, and she threw a massive tantrum, going on about how she had made us all of this food and that we were ungrateful. There were no previous conversations about us eating at their house on Sunday, just that we would drop by to visit for an hour. This escalated into a big argument about how we don't spend enough time at her house compared to how often we are with my parents. My husband and I left and haven't spoken to her since.
I'm not sure how to proceed. My husband wants to go no contact with my MIL, at least temporarily. I know he is right. If she can't acknowledge that my dad having terminal cancer isn't a good enough reason to spend more time with him, then I'm not sure that there is a path forward with our relationship. However, dealing with my dad's illness has been hard enough. I can't imagine losing my mother-in-law and father-in-law in all of this too (my FIL will just go along with whatever my MIL wants). I need their support now more than ever. I'm at a loss.

Barium swallow test results..? Gastroscopy?
Hey guys, 29 male consider myself decently healthy Have had some acid reflux issues like 1-2 years ago.
Pretty active. I am asthmatic and recently Ive had coughing issues and I find that I find sick more often/worst asthma.
I saw my doctor for an annual appointment. My doctor booked me tests just to see if everything is fine (breathing, blood tests, etc), even adjusted asthma medicine which helped.
I had an issue that I told her, every now and then, I swallow food and it feels stuck and is pretty painful. Takes a few seconds to pass. Happened like once a week last year a few months, now really rarely and its probably like if im dehydrated. It mostly occurs during supper and which like dry chicken/rice and if im talking while eatting or something. Ill be able to finish and it probably never happened back to back but its something that just happened sometimes
She told me its possible pockets got formed, got me to do a barium swallow test and called me back with results, and the call kind of stressed me out. She wasnt as happy, polite as usual. More straight to the point and made it sound heavy. “Its really important to awnser this correctly, have you ever had esaphogus damage as a kid or been hospitalized for it”.
She then said she suspects this is messing with my asthma. Also that, she saw on the testing “a small something affecting the reflux system but you cant tell what it is”. Shes sending me for a gastroscopy and mentioned they would probably do a endoscopy too.
I should have asked more questions but stupid enough of me I didnt. Few days passed and I started thinking about it more and now im really stressed that this could be something really bad like cancer. I also feel stupid for not consulting before hand for the swallowing. Can anyone tell me what could be going on just cause I really didnt inform myself.

These past few months all ive been wanting is snacks. When my mom buys me my favorite chocolate candy/desserts, i eat them in a matter of 1-2 days
My mom cooks for me but if i dont want it she guilts me into eating saying stuff like "every time i make something you don't want it" or "you cant just eat snacks and not eat food" last night i almost overfed myself because of this
Full meats, especially ones with vegetables, make me feel a little sick from the thought of it
I can only ever eat breakfast nowadays (cereal, french toast, bacon)
when i get my favorite snacks its in a matter of more than a week or two, i don't quite know. so I'm not constantly eating the stuff weekly
I feel like this is me just wanting any sort of happiness, no matter how much im told that its unhealthy or i could get this, it goes in one ear and out the other
my bmi is high, but i dont seem to care. Anything for a sliver of joy

https://www.reddit.com/TwoXIndia/s/liPwhI9XlA
After our fight, I made sure to ignore my husband and only reply when asked questions. He didn't apologize but kept his tone normal with me and after that incident, whenever he used to say anything that would hurt me, I would straight away go out of the room or put headphones or else I would reply back to him.
When I posted the above-mentioned post, I had already conceived, and I missed my periods, so I decided to take an at home pregnancy test. It came out positive.
I informed my husband about my pregnancy test, and he was shocked at first. Then, he kept on questioning if the child was his because this was something we weren't planning. I told him several times(mind you, I was practically shouting at a point), and I am not sure if he believes it or not, but he doesn't ask any more questions.
I am still looking for a job and gave some interviews, waiting to hear back from them. I have decided not to abort the child. I can not do that.
My parents are very happy and my mother strictly said to me to take care of myself even if no one does. She also told me not to tolerate any BS, and if things go rocky, then I should come to India.
My MIL is happy. This is what she told me, but now is concerned about her daughter as my SIL is also expecting a baby. She is like, "Who will help her. She will be all alone." My MIL wants to come here, i.e. in the country we are living right now, but her visa was rejected a few times before. She also told me to go find work at supermarkets. When I told her the news, she was more concerned about her daughter and me not earning rather than the happiness of having a baby.
My husband, on the other hand, told me to take care of myself and, surprisingly,listen to me. He will make sure I eat healthy and on time and not eat cold food. When we visited the doctor, he also asked questions regarding my health. Yes, he does tells me to do certain things like talk to people ( I am very reserved type), engage in conversations but now he is not shouting at me but talking with me in normal tone.
Also, my MIL once told me that we want a boy child only at first, and when I asked the same question to my husband, he said that it didn't matter to him whether it would be a girl or a boy. It would be our baby.
I am sure I am a bad person for saying this, but I don't want my MIL to be present here cause she has some weird notions about periods and pregnancy. When I was in India living with her, she would not let me come near when she was making pickles if I was menstruating. Now, she is telling me that if two pregnant women live together, then one would lose their milk and would not be able to breastfeed. This is the reason my SIL and her husband will be living separately. She also says that if a pregnant woman craves sweet, it would be a boy and many other things.
I have already heard these things and a guessing game of a boy child or a girl child at the time of my SIL, and now, I can not go through this again during my time. I am sure I will blast and say something to her.
For my sanity, I don't want her here. I am ready to face all challenges and do everything for my baby, but not this. This does make me a bad person, but I can't help it.
I am sure that having a child will not change the dynamics between my husband and I, and I can not process things right now. I really need a sisterly advice please.

I'm going to try to keep this short, but also give enough information for analysis and advice. Feb. 20, 2024 I underwent the All-on-4 procedure for my top arch. I'm a 29-year-old female battling with chronic illness my entire life. That, paired with other factors, has caused massive tooth decay in my mouth starting very early. I have some fears regarding dental work related to a bad experience having my wisdom teeth & "12 y/o molars" being removed at 15. But I got over it and sought the treatment. Open and willing to do whatever was needed to get my smile back and be able to eat normally. I've lost over 30 pounds in the last year, and I'm basically malnourished at this point.
I went to an implant clinic local to me and financed a 20k loan for just my top arch. Thats all I can afford right now. This whole experience has been SO traumatic for me.
From being fully awake through the whole process, after I was promised that between the night before meds and morning anxiety medication along with nitrous that I would be totally out. The meds were never called into the pharmacy. I was told me they would only be available the night before for pick up. When they weren't found at any pharmacy in town , I called and their office was closed already. Nobody answered the after-hours line. So I just had to show up at 7am for my procedure without having taken them. I let them know and they told me that the nitrous should still knock me out. Which i believed to be true, past dental work with it would have me knocked out!
But I sobbed and cried and prayed for almost 6 hours while they extracted 14 teeth, it wasn't quick or easy at all, then they placed my implants. 5 of them.
All of my care has been from different providers at the same office. The dentist who I was told would be taking care of my entire process did my numbing shots then left. Someone I didn't know took over. I've never seen her in the office since that day. This has happened almost every follow up.
My pain for the first month was truly unbearable. I work 45 hours a week and they promised me I would be totally fine to work. I wasn't. I did still work without missing a single day, but that was by the grace and strength of God. Also, the demand of my huge loan payment monthly. The gum pain, nerve pain, constant intense throbbing finally subsided less than a month ago. I still get a lot of throbbing at my implant sites, but I continue to hope it's just the osseointegration that I'm feeling.
I went in weekly describing my pain and concerns and was ignored and told 'its normal". They refused to do any scans, check my stitches that never dissolved, I had to nicely demand the remove them after about a month in half because they were all untied and hanging out of my temp but also lodged underneath it.
I have almost ZERO ability to clean in between the acrylic temp and my gums. One side has space the other is smashed into my gums. Totally uneven. It even feels completely unbalanced in my mouth and moves and makes loud clicking noises. I've timed the amount of time I am cleaning and water flossing in a single day and it typically is about an hour total. Yet my mouth tastes terrible all the time. I can feel food lodged between that I'm not able to get out. I've told the dentist this every single time and I'm ignored.
I have so many questions and concerns regarding this whole experience, but most importantly is this:
Next week I start getting fitted for my permanent teeth. I feel so insecure in my knowledge of how this is supposed to look, fit, and feel. I dont know how to properly advocate for myself and care. I always trust the experts. I'm not a dentist, they are. But I dont trust mine. He has mislead me on many things, gets angry if I say i don't want or like something. For example my current and only temp just simply doesn't fit. It looks ridiculous. I'm not the only person wo has expressed this. My entire family has said the same things. But he refused to even discuss a differnt temp that I have had to wear for months. I explained it not even the aesthetic that I can't deal with its the fit and feel. He was clearly annoyed and told me he's not making another. Mind you he prints these in office with a 3d printer. When I had something almost pertruding through my gums in the front of an implant site he wouldn't do a scan. They finally agreed to do it at my next appointment, only because it's time anyway since this would be my first scheduled "pre op" appointment. If I hadn't been there by request weekly the first two months this would've been the only time I was seen or checked in this whole process.
My screws have fallen out and been replaced. Each time this happened I asked if they would please just check underneath for trapped food and I was told No every time. With no explanation. Is this normal?!!? I truly don't know. But it doesn't feel normal or right. I paid 20k for this. I feel like I've been scammed in way.
If anyone at all could give me ANY info or advice I would be so grateful. I can elaborate more on anything needed I just don't want to ramble and complain. I just wanted my smile back and the ability to eat. Im down to 94 pounds. Eating is barely possible. They didn't tell me anything about my diet restrictions until after the implants were in. I totally get why it would be soft foods only, but I don't understand why they wouldn't tell me things like this at my consult. It's one of the many things that I feel was ignored and left out when discussing this treatment option for me.
One final thing. While adjusting my bite one day he was filing down the implants in the back. I must note that my bottom teeth aren't in great condition but I'm taking great care of them until I can afford to have them done as well. Without any warning the dentist started filing down MY natural bottom teeth. Not just a little, noticeably even to the eye. I made many noises and waved my hands trying to get him to stop. He continued until I got loud and was pulling my head away. He removed he his hands from my mouth clearly annoyed with me. I asked "are you filing my bottom teeth?!?!' His response- "they're bad anyway". He knows that i can't afford to fix them right now. We discussed this many times. Needless to say, I left in a complete panic attack. Why was that necessary?? Or even an option to him. I now understand dental work and standards are different all over the world. I had zero issues with the ethnicity of who provided my care. But after further research I've seen many things about dental work in India and how brutal it can be. I'm truly don't mean this in a bad way. It's just what I've read in my many hours of research on the topic.
Dentists, assistants, anyone with knowledge or experience. PLEASE any info would be so helpful to me.
Please and thank you again. Sorry for the long post. This truly is the abridged version of this story sadly. I'm just read for this to be over. But I just need the results to be worth the 20k and the trauma.

And don't tell me you can't anymore because I've got a pretty great list below already!
My favorite spots, and my go-to items. Prices as of May 2024:
Mediterranean

• Grill On the Go Mediterranean: $8 gyro combo is my go-to.
• Gyro Grill:- Creeping above $10 for some of my fav stuff, but I think you can still get a good-sized gyro for $9.

Tacos & Burritos

• Taqueria El Torito: $2.50 tacos.
• Gresham Burrito Shop: $7 burritos.
• Pepitos: $8 for burrito or taco combo.
• Los Gorditos/Taqueria Los Gorditos: $2/street taco, $8 burrito.
• Ole Frijole: Just under $10 for a burrito or torta with meat.
• La Hidalguense: Been a min, but I think tacos or a burrito will still leave you under $10.
• Tienda Santa Cruz: I always get tacos, but it's affordable and great overall.
• Taqueria Portland: They're pushing my $10 limit these days, but it's still $10 or less for about half the burritos and it's good stuff. Even the more expensive things are sub $12-13.
• King Burrito: Been a minute, but I'm confident most of their burritos are still under $10.

Banh Mi & Asian Cuisine

• Best Baguette: Banh Mi for $6-7. Don't love banh mi personally, but I know many do.
• Binh Minh: Again, not the biggest banh mi guy, but $6-$7.50 for a filling sandwich is great.
• The House of Bánh Mì: Idk exactly, but I think still sub $10.
• An Xuyên Bakery: How about a Steamed BBQ Pork Buns AND a rice plate or banh mi for under $10.

Pizza

• Pizzeria Otto: $9 Happy Hour Margherita from 11am-5pm.
• Life of Pie: $8 Happy Hour Margherita from 11am-6pm. $8 is dine-in only, it's $9 if you call in.

Burgers

• MidCity SmashedBurger: $6-9 depending on hunger level.
• hit the spot!: Smashburgers and chicken, $7-10 for me usually.

Breakfast & Sandwiches

• Fressen Artisan Bakery: Not super cheap but way more affordable than brunch if you want to eat breakfast out. $7 fried egg, bacon, & gruyere cheese is my go-to. The pastries and other sammies are delicious too.
• Midpoint Food and Drink: Mid-Muffin sammy for $7 or basic breakfast for $8.5.
• Dockside Saloon and Restaurant: Sub $10 breakfast combo plates and deli sandwiches.

Other

• Herb's Mac and Cheese: Special #1 is my go-to - Jalapenos, chicken, and pepper jack. Regular size is good for me, $8.
• Love Belizean: Haven't been in a minute, but I think you can still get out of there for $10. So good.
• Taste Tickler: They told me they're about to raise prices, but still, even after the $1 increase, Chicken rice box will be $9.95 and the Famous Tickler 7" sandwich will be $9.65.
• GrindWitTryz: Bit of a caveat here. I usually spend between $16-20, BUT it also usually lasts me two full meals.
• Chipotle: I don't think this will be a popular take, but Chipotle is still a great value, albeit not local like the remainder of the list. $9-10, depending on location, for a chicken bowl (less for veg or sofritas) that is about twice as much food as Whole Bowl for $1-2 more. No hate to Whole Bowl, I went there 15 times a month when I moved here. The value just isn't there as much at $8 as it was at $6.

Well my list is about 10x longer than I expected and collecting my own thoughts took most of the morning so I'm hangry now. Please let me know any others that are a good fit for the list. I absolutely love not having to cook while supporting local restaurants, especially when I don't have to break the bank to do so!

I'm going to try to keep this short, but also give enough information for analysis and advice. Feb. 20, 2024 I underwent the All-on-4 procedure for my top arch. I'm a 29-year-old female battling with chronic illness my entire life. That, paired with other factors, has caused massive tooth decay in my mouth starting very early. I have some fears regarding dental work related to a bad experience having my wisdom teeth & "12 y/o molars" being removed at 15. But I got over it and sought the treatment. Open and willing to do whatever was needed to get my smile back and be able to eat normally. I've lost over 30 pounds in the last year, and I'm basically malnourished at this point.
I went to an implant clinic local to me and financed a 20k loan for just my top arch. Thats all I can afford right now. This whole experience has been SO traumatic for me.
From being fully awake through the whole process, after I was promised that between the night before meds and morning anxiety medication along with nitrous that I would be totally out. The meds were never called into the pharmacy. I was told me they would only be available the night before for pick up. When they weren't found at any pharmacy in town , I called and their office was closed already. Nobody answered the after-hours line. So I just had to show up at 7am for my procedure without having taken them. I let them know and they told me that the nitrous should still knock me out. Which i believed to be true, past dental work with it would have me knocked out!
But I sobbed and cried and prayed for almost 6 hours while they extracted 14 teeth, it wasn't quick or easy at all, then they placed my implants. 5 of them.
All of my care has been from different providers at the same office. The dentist who I was told would be taking care of my entire process did my numbing shots then left. Someone I didn't know took over. I've never seen her in the office since that day. This has happened almost every follow up.
My pain for the first month was truly unbearable. I work 45 hours a week and they promised me I would be totally fine to work. I wasn't. I did still work without missing a single day, but that was by the grace and strength of God. Also, the demand of my huge loan payment monthy. The gum pain, nerve pain, constant intense throbbing finally subsided less than a month ago. I still get a lot of throbbing at my implant sites, but I continue to hope it's just the osseointegration that I'm feeling.
I went in weekly describing my pain and concerns and was ignored and told 'its normal". They refused to do any scans, check my stitches that never dissolved, I had to nicely demand the remove them after about a month in half because they were all untied and hanging out of my temp but also lodged underneath it.
I have almost ZERO ability to clean in between the acrylic temp and my gums. One side has space the other is smashed into my gums. Totally uneven. It even feels completely unbalanced in my mouth and moves and makes loud clicking noises. I've timed the amount of time I am cleaning and water flossing in a single day and it typically is about an hour total. Yet my mouth tastes terrible all the time. I can feel food lodged between that I'm not able to get out. I've told the dentist this every single time and I'm ignored.
I have so many questions and concerns regarding this whole experience, but most importantly is this:
Next week I start gettting fitted for my permanent teeth. I feel so insecure in my knowledge of how this is supposed to look, fit, and feel. I dont know how to properly advocate for myself and care. I always trust the experts. I'm not a dentist, they are. But I dont trust mine. He has mislead me on many things, gets angry if I say i don't want or like something. For example my current and only temp just simply doesn't fit. It looks ridiculous. I'm not the only person wo has expressed this. My entire family has said the same things. But he refused to even discuss a differnt temp that I have had to wear for months. I explained it not even the aesthetic that I can't deal with its the fit and feel. He was clearly annoyed and told me he's not making another. Mind you he prints these in office with a 3d printer. When I had something almost pertruding through my gums in the front of an implant site he wouldn't do a scan. They finally agreed to do it at my next appointment, only because it's time anyway since this would be my first scheduled "pre op" appointment. If I hadn't been there by request weekly the first two months this would've been the only time I was seen or checked in this whole process.
My screws have fallen out and been replaced. Each time this happened I asked if they would please just check underneath for trapped food and I was told No every time. With no explanation. Is this normal?!!? I truly don't know. But it doesn't feel normal or right. I paid 20k for this. I feel like I've been scammed in way.
If anyone at all could give me ANY info or advice I would be so grateful. I can elaborate more on anything needed I just don't want to ramble and complain. I just wanted my smile back and the ability to eat. Im down to 94 pounds. Eating is barely possible. They didn't tell me anything about my diet restrictions until after the implants were in. I totally get why it would be soft foods only, but I don't understand why they wouldn't tell me things like this at my consult. It's one of the many things that I feel was ignored and left out when discussing this treatment option for me.
One final thing. While adjusting my bite one day he was filing down the implants in the back. I must note that my bottom teeth aren't in great condition but I'm taking great care of them until I can afford to have them done as well. Without any warning the dentist starting filling down MY natural bottom teeth. Not just a little, noticiably even to they eye. I made many noises and waved my hands trying to get him to stop. He continued until I got loud and was pulling my head away. He removed he his hands from my mouth clearly annoyed with me. I asked "are you filing my bottom teeth?!?!' His response- "they're bad anyway". He knows that i can't afford to fix them right now. We discussed this many times. Needless to say, I left in a complete panic attack. Why was that necessary?? Or even an option to him. I now understand dental work and standards are different all over the world. I had zero issues with the ethnicity of who provided my care. But after further research I've seen many things about dental work in India and how brutal it can be. I'm truly don't mean this in a bad way. It's just what I've read in my many hours of research on the topic.
Dentists, assistants, anyone with knowledge or experience. PLEASE any info would be so helpful to me.
Please and thank you again. Sorry for the long post. This truly is the abridged version of this story sadly. I'm just read for this to be over. But I just need the results to be worth the 20k and the trauma.

I'm going to try to keep this short, but also give enough information for analysis and advice. Feb. 20, 2024 I underwent the All-on-4 procedure for my top arch. I'm a 29-year-old female battling with chronic illness my entire life. That, paired with other factors, has caused massive tooth decay in my mouth starting very early. I have some fears regarding dental work related to a bad experience having my wisdom teeth & "12 y/o molars" being removed at 15. But I got over it and sought the treatment. Open and willing to do whatever was needed to get my smile back and be able to eat normally. I've lost over 30 pounds in the last year, and I'm basically malnourished at this point.
I went to an implant clinic local to me and financed a 20k loan for just my top arch. Thats all I can afford right now. This whole experience has been SO traumatic for me.
From being fully awake through the whole process, after I was promised that between the night before meds and morning anxiety medication along with nitrous that I would be totally out. The meds were never called into the pharmacy. I was told me they would only be available the night before for pick up. When they weren't found at any pharmacy in town , I called and their office was closed already. Nobody answered the after-hours line. So I just had to show up at 7am for my procedure without having taken them. I let them know and they told me that the nitrous should still knock me out. Which i believed to be true, past dental work with it would have me knocked out!
But I sobbed and cried and prayed for almost 6 hours while they extracted 14 teeth, it wasn't quick or easy at all, then they placed my implants. 5 of them.
All of my care has been from different providers at the same office. The dentist who I was told would be taking care of my entire process did my numbing shots then left. Someone I didn't know took over. I've never seen her in the office since that day. This has happened almost every follow up.
My pain for the first month was truly unbearable. I work 45 hours a week and they promised me I would be totally fine to work. I wasn't. I did still work without missing a single day, but that was by the grace and strength of God. Also, the demand of my huge loan payment monthy. The gum pain, nerve pain, constant intense throbbing finally subsided less than a month ago. I still get a lot of throbbing at my implant sites, but I continue to hope it's just the osseointegration that I'm feeling.
I went in weekly describing my pain and concerns and was ignored and told 'its normal". They refused to do any scans, check my stitches that never dissolved, I had to nicely demand the remove them after about a month in half because they were all untied and hanging out of my temp but also lodged underneath it.
I have almost ZERO ability to clean in between the acrylic temp and my gums. One side has space the other is smashed into my gums. Totally uneven. It even feels completely unbalanced in my mouth and moves and makes loud clicking noises. I've timed the amount of time I am cleaning and water flossing in a single day and it typically is about an hour total. Yet my mouth tastes terrible all the time. I can feel food lodged between that I'm not able to get out. I've told the dentist this every single time and I'm ignored.
I have so many questions and concerns regarding this whole experience, but most importantly is this:
Next week I start gettting fitted for my permanent teeth. I feel so insecure in my knowledge of how this is supposed to look, fit, and feel. I dont know how to properly advocate for myself and care. I always trust the experts. I'm not a dentist, they are. But I dont trust mine. He has mislead me on many things, gets angry if I say i don't want or like something. For example my current and only temp just simply doesn't fit. It looks ridiculous. I'm not the only person wo has expressed this. My entire family has said the same things. But he refused to even discuss a differnt temp that I have had to wear for months. I explained it not even the aesthetic that I can't deal with its the fit and feel. He was clearly annoyed and told me he's not making another. Mind you he prints these in office with a 3d printer. When I had something almost pertruding through my gums in the front of an implant site he wouldn't do a scan. They finally agreed to do it at my next appointment, only because it's time anyway since this would be my first scheduled "pre op" appointment. If I hadn't been there by request weekly the first two months this would've been the only time I was seen or checked in this whole process.
My screws have fallen out and been replaced. Each time this happened I asked if they would please just check underneath for trapped food and I was told No every time. With no explanation. Is this normal?!!? I truly don't know. But it doesn't feel normal or right. I paid 20k for this. I feel like I've been scammed in way.
If anyone at all could give me ANY info or advice I would be so grateful. I can elaborate more on anything needed I just don't want to ramble and complain. I just wanted my smile back and the ability to eat. Im down to 94 pounds. Eating is barely possible. They didn't tell me anything about my diet restrictions until after the implants were in. I totally get why it would be soft foods only, but I don't understand why they wouldn't tell me things like this at my consult. It's one of the many things that I feel was ignored and left out when discussing this treatment option for me.
One final thing. While adjusting my bite one day he was filing down the implants in the back. I must note that my bottom teeth aren't in great condition but I'm taking great care of them until I can afford to have them done as well. Without any warning the dentist starting filling down MY natural bottom teeth. Not just a little, noticiably even to they eye. I made many noises and waved my hands trying to get him to stop. He continued until I got loud and was pulling my head away. He removed he his hands from my mouth clearly annoyed with me. I asked "are you filing my bottom teeth?!?!' His response- "they're bad anyway". He knows that i can't afford to fix them right now. We discussed this many times. Needless to say, I left in a complete panic attack. Why was that necessary?? Or even an option to him. I now understand dental work and standards are different all over the world. I had zero issues with the ethnicity of who provided my care. But after further research I've seen many things about dental work in India and how brutal it can be. I'm truly don't mean this in a bad way. It's just what I've read in my many hours of research on the topic.
Dentists, assistants, anyone with knowledge or experience. PLEASE any info would be so helpful to me.
Please and thank you again. Sorry for the long post. This truly is the abridged version of this story sadly. I'm just read for this to be over. But I just need the results to be worth the 20k and the trauma.
edit: I don't smoke or drink at all. I can add pictures upon request and hopefully will be receiving copies of my x-rays this week. Several requests have been made by me to the office for them but I still haven't received them yet.

Recently I have been seeing a lot of posts about getting stuck at X weight, or “I cheated and now I am out of Ketosis.” So I wanted to share my journey with you and what has helped me go from where I was, 343 lbs at my heaviest, down to 280lbs as of this week the last time I weighed myself. Today I am lighter than I have been in over 15 years! I still have a long way to go, and my end goal is 200 lbs, because I want to be thin and attractive and I want people to respect me and not judge me because I am fat, just like you probably reading this right now. Well, I am here to try and help!
My journey started with an initial health scare from when I visited the doctor back in 2019, as you are all probably aware of, pre-diabetic, stage 3 fatty liver, ect… I had known about Keto diets in the past, when I was younger, the low carb diet at the time was Atkins, and I had used this diet before to keep my weight in check as I have always struggled with my weight, but that was back in my early 20s. My solution to fixing my health problems (and weight problem) was to go back on a ketogenic diet.
In 2019, I went through the struggle of getting my body in ketosis, dealt with keto flu, low energy, and was able to overcome those challenges and get on a good track of staying low carb. I managed to do this for about a year before I started to slip. It started with small slip ups here and there “a few Doritos wont hurt, its just a hand full.” “A small piece of cookie wont hurt.” Before I knew it (mid 2022), I was kicked out of Ketosis and craving high carb foods again and back into old eating habits. I went from 343 down to 283 then back up to 312 lbs, Darn! I was losing the battle...
Then in 2023, I started having health issues again, which I won’t go into details, and I wanted to get my health in check for good. What was needed, in my opinion, was a fundamental shift in the way I (we) view food. We need to look at food as an essential building block and an energy source for our body and get out of the mindset of looking at food for comfort and enjoyment. This is not an easy thing to do and is probably the hardest thing I have ever done next to getting an Engineering Degree, but if you can master this one thing, you will be hugely successful in your journey to losing the weight and being healthy.
Step 1: Small steps and Logging
My first piece of advice is start small. Yes, you are impatient and yes you want to be thin RIGHT NOW! I get it, but this won’t happen overnight. This is a long process that takes a long time. You are fighting an uphill battle. You are probably surrounded by people eating all kinds of high carb foods, you probably got that skinny friend/relative that can eat anything and stay thin (NOT FAIR! I totally get it..). The first thing I recommend is track absolutely everything you eat. Lose it is only $3 bucks/month (best money I ever spent). Do not try and diet yet, just track what you are eating. Eat a cookie? Log it! Eat an entire party bag potato chips? Hey don’t sweat it! But LOG IT! Get into the habit of logging absolutely everything you put into your body no matter what it is, and don’t judge yourself for your bad eating habits, don’t worry you and me, we are going to fix this together!
After about a week (maybe 2 weeks), make a small change… I was eating about 250 net grams of carbs per day, so I set a reasonable goal for the next week… Lets see if I can get that down to 150 net/day for a week. One week goes by, easily beat it! All it took was cutting some bread out of my diet as well as rice and potatoes. Next step, 100 net/day. Weeks goes by I was at 120 net/day. Darn! I tried my best, but next week, I’m going to do it! Next week goes by I was at 99 net/day. Yes! I did it I hit my goal. Let’s see if I can do it again and again. 2 more weeks go by, and I was down to 80 net/day without hardly trying. Then I lowered my goal to 50/day and that is when it started to get hard. Now I had to cut that slice of toast out of my diet with my morning eggs. I had to cut that bowl of rice out with my meat. I had to really start making some hard changes, and I wasn’t always successful during the first month. I went over and hit 60/day, but I kept at it, kept logging. Today I average 21 Net/day carbs (not too bad right). The best part about the second time I got myself into Ketosis, there was ZERO side effects. No keto flu. I did have electrolyte imbalances for a while but was easily fixed with upping potassium and adding more salt to my food.
The key here is set reasonable goals for yourself that you know you can beat, you wont always be successful, but keep at it. Breaking bad habits is hard, but if you keep logging, and you keep at your goals, eventually you will break it!
Step 2: Eat only nutrient dense foods
This goes back to looking at food as building blocks and energy for your body, make sure every food you eat is to fulfil a specific nutrient requirement. You need more potassium, eat more kale/spinach, need to get your vitamin D up, eat some smoked salmon. Over time, your taste buds will change, and you will start really enjoying the foods you are eating. I absolutely LOVE kale now!
Also, this includes keto-friendly foods like bacon. I do not eat bacon. There is almost no nutritional value in eating it, so why eat it? Eat some steak instead.
If I eat a food with Carbs, it will be a very nutrient dense food and because my body needs those nutrients. What kind of foods am I talking about? Here are some examples:
73% + or more cocoa chocolate
Berries (strawberries for example)
Lemons/limes
Nuts and seeds of all kinds.
All kinds of vegetables like broccoli, spinach, kale, Peppers, Onions
The Key to staying in ketosis when you are consuming foods with carbs is moderation. Yes that 70% chocolate has sugar in it, but I eat one square MAX per day. That one piece of chocolate has 4.7 grams of net carbs and 2 grams of fiber. There is plenty of room in my daily carb limit to allow for it. As long as my weekly average total carb intake stays under 25 grams/day, I am good (my personal set goal).
Step 3: NO CHEAT DAYS!!!
Once you are in the groove, and you got your carb intake to your set goals, be EXTREMELY strict with food intake. Allow for ZERO cheat days and have a ZERO tolerance policy on any "empty carb" food. What do I mean by empty carb? any food that is high in carbs and has no nutritional value, like cookies, chips, ice-cream ect... Cheating will get you kicked out of ketosis and is the path back to bad eating habits and putting the weight back on and that is exactly what happened to me! Just don’t do it. We are not eating for comfort anymore; we are eating because our bodies need this specific nutrient. This is the goal.
Step 4: Fasting
You don’t need to do this right away, make sure you get yourself into the habit of logging, and eating foods that are nutrient dense and make sure your body is in ketosis first. Like with before, don’t try and jump headfirst into fasting, take small steps and build on it every week. Start with a shorter duration fast once per week, for 12 hours, then increase slowly until you hit 18 hours. The end goal here is twice per week for a minimum of 18 hours. If you get hungry and you cant do it, don’t beat yourself up over it, its hard! Your body will fight you and want you to eat. Try again the next week with your set goals. Just make sure you are eating those nutrient dense foods we talked about above. As your body becomes more and more fat adapted, this will get easier and easier.
I am currently fasting for 24 hours on Mondays and Tuesdays. Monday morning I eat 2 fried eggs and drink my coffee with half and half then fast until Tuesday morning. Then on Tuesday morning, I will eat 2 fried eggs and that same coffee without eating until Wednesday morning. It is currently Tuesday and I have not eaten since this morning. I won’t eat until tomorrow morning.
To prep your body for long fasts that will allow your body to eat itself with ease is making sure you are LOADED with TONS of nutrients, (remember step 2?). Saturday and Sunday are prep days for that fast. I eat dark leafy greens, like Kale, and Spinach, cheesy broccoli I make myself, peppers, ect... I eat lots of nuts and seeds, Walnuts, pecans, brazil nuts, peanut butter, steak, Smoked raw salmon. I will eat a little bit more than my metabolic rate, about 200 calories more (2500 cal). I also generously salt everything so that I am around 4000 MG for the day. This will load your body with potassium, magnesium, and sodium. Then I go into my fast on Monday. Perfect for me since I need to be at work on Monday and Tuesday.
If you do this, when you go into your fast, you will have plenty of nutrients/electrolytes for your body to just eat your own fat off your body. You probably wont even feel hungry for many hours on end, but if you do get hungry, drink lemon in water, or apple cider vinegar to suppress your hunger.
Now, the key to coming out of your fast is to NOT over-eat. Eat VERY SLOWLY (I cannot emphasize this enough). Take bites, chew, put your fork down, wait 10-30 seconds after you swallow, then take another bite. Eat high fat foods like cheese, eggs, peanut butter. This will help you feel satiated. Try and keep your first meal out of a fast at around 1000 calories.
Step 5: Exercise
Try and add exercise into your weekly routine and this will help you lose the weight even faster, but is not necessary to lose the weight. Exercise is really good for you anyway. For me personally, I picked up swimming (I swim 2 miles 3x per week now), and I feel great afterwards, all those endorphins! So why not?
Step 6: For life!
What do I mean for life? What I mean is that you need to view keto as a for life plan. The key to staying healthy is eating healthy. So why ever go back to your old way of eating? On this diet, I feel great, my libido is way up and I have tons of energy to do things! I want to go outside and work on my car! I want to go to the gym. When you are eating healthy, you will feel amazing, you will have moments of euphoria, you will be happy, you will have an amazing sex life! That guy/girl you like at the gym will notice you. You will no longer be ignored! You will also be smarter, your mental clarity will be better than ever, you will be able to focus on your goals!
Final piece of advice: You will fail… yes you will fail at your goals over and over again, I still fail my goals once in a while. Last week I had a day where I went up to 30 net/day carbs and ate 2600 calories (DARN!), but I didn’t give up! I wont give up! Sometimes you will slip, but as long as you set reasonable goals for yourself and tighten those goals solely over time, and you keep at it, you will be successful in the long run, and you will get the weight off! Don’t focus on the scale, but focus on getting into healthy eating habits, focus on exercising and I promise you, the weight will come off!

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.

I am a 27m and have been single for 9 years (since highschool) I would love to find love again and experience an adult relationship! So dont get me wrong here! But i see so many guys, not to excuse women but i see it more in guys like me, where they lose all hope and cant fathom being alone! I have had roomates. I have done things with friends like going out in the town, alot of different types of decision making. Where do we want to go, what do we want to eat, how much time we should spend here or there. And i tell you what nothing beats doing things by yourself! You make your own decisions! Nobody to tell you “nahh i dont want to do that” or “no id rather you not go” i have fallen in love with doing whatever i want whenever i want! Oh friends are downtown and want to get drinks? Fuck it lets go! I understand the worry about the future, will i ever get married and have kids, will i find love? The way we are brought up is to have fun and then find love start a family and buy a house and live happily ever after. Trust me i desire that so much BUT i also know that i cannot lose myself over being single. Hell im kind of worried to be stuck in my ways a bit and when love does find me ill lose it fast because im becoming self sufficient. This post isnt to sound cocky so im sorry if it comes off that way. Im just trying to explain that we are young! We should enjoy the time we have, we should not put our validation in others. WE ARE ENOUGH FOR OURSELVES! We love ourselves! I see so many people DESPERATE and end up in such toxic ugly relationships, its not good! Like i said i completely understand the desire because i also want love but we gotta look at this from a different angle! Be happy for yourself. Go out and buy yourself some fancy ass food, “yeah dinner for 1 muthafuka” and SMACK DOWN! Its the little things in life youll find the appreciation for! Try it! And tell me it wasnt great! 👍🏻 ♥️

I was in a christian cult - not using the word lightly, they literally wanted to "take over" the city we were living in and openly talked about their indoctrination tactics and did not shy away from the manipulation aspects.
I got divorced and got out, but I have a child with my ex husband and we share custody nearly 50/50. I have her 4 nights a week and do all school drop offs, he has her 3 nights a week including Sunday morning church. I also have another, younger daughter.
As a single mom of 2 working at the local community college, I do not make enough money to be comfortable. Everything is paycheck to paycheck, and often things get in the negative before I can figure it all out. I recently reapplied for food stamps and found out I was going to qualify for the bare minimum because I couldn't claim her on my application after he and his wife had claimed her and started receiving benefits. Even still, I make every effort imaginable to continue to give my family a good life and never allow our lack of finances to negatively affect giving my girls a magical childhood.
In general we have a good coparenting relationship. We don't interfere with each other's lives, we are flexible and work together when things come up. Before his new wife came into the picture, I did all the work of finding a good school and moving into that area, even though he wanted her to attend christian school, I take care of all her doctor, dentist, etc., appointments. I hold her social security card and birth certificate. I keep track of who gets what holidays in a year. His new wife came in and has been so kind and respectful, my daughter loves her, and I'm grateful he married someone who will be good to my daughter.
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I am worried now, because a few weeks ago, out of the blue, my daughter was upset about "having to tell her friends she won't see them next year, when she goes to a new school."
I reached out to her dad and his wife and asked "hey, she said this "XYZ" and before I react, I just wanted to ask you guys about it. I don't know of any plans to change her school"
They responded about being in the process of interviewing for a new job outside of town and hoping for it. They had asked my daughter how she would feel about changing schools as a way to take her preferences into account when making the decision, but nothing had been decided and they had not officially been offered the new job.
A few weeks went by and two separate times on a pickup day they told me she would be at her aunt's house because they were BOTH going to be in the other town at an interview for this job.
Today he reached out and told me "we" got the job, and they'd like to sit down and talk about logistics and dynamics and things.
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I am extremely worried that this new job is something church related, as I can't think of anything else that would interview a husband and wife together.
I am extremely worried that he is going to request that my daughter moves in with them during the week and attends a new school closer to their new house.
I am scared for my daughter. The christian schools in my area (if not in general) are known for being absolutely vile - lying, promiscuity, drugs, much worse than the public schools because the religious families raise kids who are better at hiding things from their parents and other adults. I'm scared because my girl is so sweet, so innocent, and so impressionable. I wanted to raise her to be able to confidently make her own decision whether she wanted to believe in those things or not, and I'm worried that she will be indoctrinated in a cult-like way by these people who openly, proudly, flaunt those cult claims.
I am also very worried that by fighting for her to stay with me, I am not going to be doing what's best for her. I don't make much money. I'm a single mom. I don't have that kind of social community and network, like... if I'm struggling, I don't have anyone else to turn to. We always have food, whether I get to eat it or not. We don't have power or water shut off, we're not at risk of homelessness, but that's because I work myself to exhaustion making sure I have the resources to keep things on and paid. I was paid on the 10th and I was getting an overdraft fee last night because bills needed to be paid. Like. How can I possibly be able to do what's best for her? I don't want things to change like that. I do want what's best for my daughter, but how do I give her that as a single mom in this economy in this capitalistic hellscape? I don't even know if there's advice for this situation, I just don't know who to ask.

Renting issues
My grandpas landlord says that she needs proof that im not living there by giving her an electric bill, she also took me off the lease back in December saying it was foe tax reasons and that she wasnt going to evic me but she is now trying to evic me and my grandfather. For context, i have a partner who has been staying to help me with my double amputee grandfather while i try to work. We were told in april that them and the cats that we have, need to go, we've been camping out at my grandmother empty property down the road, but this morning they are saying they know we are still here, bc we come and visit him regularly to help him and cook food and eat with him. now im also not allowed to be here saying i need to give her an electric bill to prove im living somewhere else, and she needs to do regular inspections too, to make sure we aren't here. But as im the only family who is able and close enough to my grandfather to help, idk what to do. My grandma lives in another state. She just owns a piece of land that's empty rn int he same town as him but she actually lives state away, and the rest of my family is either too busy or not in the same state to help him. We have asked to be put on the lease and we would pay rent but she says that she cant have 3 people in a 1 bedroom, but from what ive looked up thats not the case, you can have 3 people in a 1 bedroom. She's trying to evic my grandfather, and idk what to do. Is what shes doing even legal? Do i have rights? Im completely lost

I was in a christian cult - not using the word lightly, they literally wanted to "take over" the city we were living in and openly talked about their indoctrination tactics and did not shy away from the manipulation aspects.
I got divorced and got out, but I have a child with my ex husband and we share custody nearly 50/50. I have her 4 nights a week and do all school drop offs, he has her 3 nights a week including Sunday morning church. I also have another, younger daughter.
As a single mom of 2 working at the local community college, I do not make enough money to be comfortable. Everything is paycheck to paycheck, and often things get in the negative before I can figure it all out. I recently reapplied for food stamps and found out I was going to qualify for the bare minimum because I couldn't claim her on my application after he and his wife had claimed her and started receiving benefits. Even still, I make every effort imaginable to continue to give my family a good life and never allow our lack of finances to negatively affect giving my girls a magical childhood.
In general we have a good coparenting relationship. We don't interfere with each other's lives, we are flexible and work together when things come up. Before his new wife came into the picture, I did all the work of finding a good school and moving into that area, even though he wanted her to attend christian school, I take care of all her doctor, dentist, etc., appointments. I hold her social security card and birth certificate. I keep track of who gets what holidays in a year. His new wife came in and has been so kind and respectful, my daughter loves her, and I'm grateful he married someone who will be good to my daughter.

I am worried now, because a few weeks ago, out of the blue, my daughter was upset about "having to tell her friends she won't see them next year, when she goes to a new school."
I reached out to her dad and his wife and asked "hey, she said this "XYZ" and before I react, I just wanted to ask you guys about it. I don't know of any plans to change her school"
They responded about being in the process of interviewing for a new job outside of town and hoping for it. They had asked my daughter how she would feel about changing schools as a way to take her preferences into account when making the decision, but nothing had been decided and they had not officially been offered the new job.
A few weeks went by and two separate times on a pickup day they told me she would be at her aunt's house because they were BOTH going to be in the other town at an interview for this job.
Today he reached out and told me "we" got the job, and they'd like to sit down and talk about logistics and dynamics and things.

I am extremely worried that this new job is something church related, as I can't think of anything else that would interview a husband and wife together.
I am extremely worried that he is going to request that my daughter moves in with them during the week and attends a new school closer to their new house. I am scared for my daughter. The christian schools in my area (if not in general) are known for being absolutely vile - lying, promiscuity, drugs, much worse than the public schools because the religious families raise kids who are better at hiding things from their parents and other adults. I'm scared because my girl is so sweet, so innocent, and so impressionable. I wanted to raise her to be able to confidently make her own decision whether she wanted to believe in those things or not, and I'm worried that she will be indoctrinated in a cult-like way by these people who openly, proudly, flaunt those cult claims. I am also very worried that by fighting for her to stay with me, I am not going to be doing what's best for her. I don't make much money. I'm a single mom. I don't have that kind of social community and network, like... if I'm struggling, I don't have anyone else to turn to. We always have food, whether I get to eat it or not. We don't have power or water shut off, we're not at risk of homelessness, but that's because I work myself to exhaustion making sure I have the resources to keep things on and paid. I was paid on the 10th and I was getting an overdraft fee last night because bills needed to be paid. Like. How can I possibly be able to do what's best for her? I don't want things to change like that. I do want what's best for my daughter, but how do I give her that as a single mom in this economy in this capitalistic hellscape? I don't even know if there's advice for this situation, I just don't know who to ask.

My grandpas landlord says that she needs proof that im not living there by giving her an electric bill, she also took me off the lease back in December saying it was foe tax reasons and that she wasnt going to evic me but she is now trying to evic me and my grandfather. For context, i have a partner who has been staying to help me with my double amputee grandfather while i try to work. We were told in april that them and the cats that we have, need to go, we've been camping out at my grandmother empty property down the road, but this morning they are saying they know we are still here, bc we come and visit him regularly to help him and cook food and eat with him. now im also not allowed to be here saying i need to give her an electric bill to prove im living somewhere else, and she needs to do regular inspections too, to make sure we aren't here. But as im the only family who is able and close enough to my grandfather to help, idk what to do. My grandma lives in another state. She just owns a piece of land that's empty rn int he same town as him but she actually lives state away, and the rest of my family is either too busy or not in the same state to help him. We have asked to be put on the lease and we would pay rent but she says that she cant have 3 people in a 1 bedroom, but from what ive looked up thats not the case, you can have 3 people in a 1 bedroom. She's trying to evic my grandfather, and idk what to do. Is what shes doing even legal? Do i have rights? Im completely lost

Hey all! Finally got around to writing a trip report after my trip last week. I went to Disney world to celebrate my graduation from college and my honeymoon! I haven't been since I finished my college program pre-covid, so a lot has changed in the parks for me, and my partner has only been twice in his life and knows almost nothing about the parks. Needless to say, I did all the planning. We ended up not getting genie+ at all, and just gauging the crowd levels and checking wait times to make sure we could get on rides with shorter wait times. Overall, we were able to ride everything we wanted to, and didn't wait very long for many rides at all! Anyway, here's my trip report! Sorry it's so long!
May 4: arrive at MCO around 8 am, take Lynx bus to Disney Springs (route 311), so we can get something to eat and walk around to shop. The bus takes about an hour to get from the airport to Disney Springs, but for $2 per person, it can't be beat. End up eating at Chicken Guy, and then head to Pop Century when we're done shopping. It's around noon, and our room isn't ready, so we decide to hop on the skyliner to get a feel for it before we hit the parks the next day. We end up taking the friendship boats from Hollywood Studios to Swan and Dolphin to go play some mini golf with the free vouchers we got! Afterwards, we head back to the resort and head to the front desk, because the app said our room wasn't ready yet. The front desk person immediately found a room for us, so we were able to relax for a bit in the room before grabbing something to eat at the quick service location. We got the dining plan, and ended up using quick service credits for this meal. This is when we found out how much getting just a single alcoholic beverage can add to your bill! Anyway, after relaxing a bit more, we went out to the Polynesian resort to chill in the sand and have dinner at the Kona Cafe (which was great, btw!). We ended up just sharing plates of sushi, but were so full afterwards. We went back to our room at Pop and talked about our plans for our first park day before going to bed.
May 5: Our first day was Hollywood Studios. Neither of us were huge star wars fans before this trip, but in the weeks leading up to our vacation, we watched all the mainline star wars movies, watched Obi Wan, and previously watched the Mandalorian, and fell in love with the series. So, needless to say, we spent most of the day in Galaxy's Edge. We woke up at 7 and immediately got to the Skyliner to see a huge line, but was surprised at how fast it went. We were finally inside the park around 8 am and were surprised to see people already in the park, since we thought early entry started at 8:30. Either way, we walked over to Rise of the Resistance and got out of the ride around 8:15, so we headed to smugglers run. We loved Rise, but were pretty disappointed by Smuggler's. Afterwards, we explored Galaxy's Edge a bit before heading to an early reservation for Oga's. We honestly had a lot of fun there! I was skeptical because of the posts here, but the only thing I can really complain about are the prices, but what can ya do at Disney? We explored the rest of the park a little bit to ride Runaway Railway and Tower of Terror. We also watched the Indiana Jones show, which is where I found out my partner has never seen an Indiana Jones movie, but we almost always came back to Galaxy's Edge to explore, and ended up riding Rise multiple times because we enjoyed it so much! We ate dinner at Woody's Roundup Rodeo BBQ, and didn't realize that the menu was basically the same for everyone, and ate way too much food because of it. While delicious, I made sure not to make the mistake of overeating after that. We left early as neither of us care too much about watching fireworks shows.
May 6: Our second day was Epcot. Rope dropped Remy's, and still ended up waiting 40 mins. We were fine with it, tho, as we saw the wait go up to 80 mins as we were still in line. It was pretty fun, and we were glad to get it over with earlier. We headed over to the future world section of the park, rode the Figment ride (partner never went on it before and was excited to), then explored a bit before heading to our Cosmic Rewind VQ, which was probably the best coaster I've ever been on. It definitely lives up to the hype I've seen about it. Afterwards, we headed to the land pavilion, ate, then went on Soarin and (my fave ride) Living with the Land! We started our trek around the world, starting with Mexico, and made it to the Japan Pavilion for our reservation at Shiki-Sai for dinner. The food was great, but you definitely don't seem to get a lot for what you pay. We felt full enough afterwards, and decided to head back towards Norway to ride Frozen so we could beat the crowds after the fireworks show (neither of us are big fans of fireworks) overall, this day felt super busy, and is definitely a place that requires multiple days to fully experience for next time. We also made the mistake of not realizing you could buy LL and only book one VQ a day, because I wish we could've ridden Cosmic Rewind again! Next time!
May 7: Our third day was Animal Kingdom (my fave park). Rope dropped Flight of Passage, and ended up waiting about 20-30 mins, but it was my partner's first time riding and he enjoyed it. We both thought the screen looked a little blurry at times, and it made me wonder if the screen was aging or something. Afterwards, we dashed to Kilimanjaro Safaris and waited about 20 mins again, but it was another ride my partner never experienced, and he actually said it was probably his favorite attraction that day. We explored some gift shops and then made our way to Expedition Everest, then down to Dinoland USA. my favorite ride is Dinosaur, and it was one of the only rides we decided to ride more than once because I know Dinoland is on it's last leg before getting replaced. Man, is it in a sad state tho. This is the first time I've been since Primeval Whirl closed, and it definitely makes that area seem so empty. While we were walking past the carnival games, we heard one of the announcers begging for more players to join a game, so we decided to buy two tickets to join. I had never played these carnival games before, as I always thought they were overpriced if you didn't win anything, but I ended up winning! I got a Mickey with a dino institute shirt, which is probably the best souvenir I could've asked for to remember this part of the park. After that, we were done with rides for the day and decided to stroll around the park. We went to Rafiki's Planet Watch, since I remember going as a kid, and it was cool to see the veterinarians working, but definitely more of a place for little ones. The train ride was cool, tho. After strolling around through gift shops and such, we did the Bugs Life show, which was just as terrifying as I remember it as a child. It was also my partner's first time watching this show, and said he understands how this would be terrifying to a child. Well, good riddance to whenever that show gets replaced. After that, we got some burger pods and then left the park early so we could check into Animal Kingdom Lodge and chill in the pool because our feet were killing us. After we got out of the pool, we explored the resort some more, awed at the animals from our balcony, and then got ready for dinner at Boma. This was the meal my partner was most excited for, but unfortunately he was feeling a little sick and ended up not eating that much because of it. We also had an issue with our dining plan for this meal, but our server got it taken care of while we ate. Finally hit the hay after dinner.
May 8: Our last park day was Magic Kingdom. While I was exhausted, and suggested sleeping in since we had extended evening hours, my partner was already up and getting dressed. So, we rope dropped Space Mountain, then headed over to Haunted Mansion, then Thunder Mountain. I was getting hungry, so we got a Nutella fruit waffle from Sleepy Hollow and got to watch the parade while we waited. My partner started acting hangry while waiting in line because he thought we were wasting time, but I knew it was fine because we had extended evening hours. He felt better after eating, tho. We took a break to watch Hall of Presidents, then headed over to Tomorrowland for our Tron VQ. We ended up waiting an hour and a half, honestly maybe even more for?? It was insane, we waited 20-30 mins before we even got to the real line that you scan in for. Why does that happen?? This was definitely the most agonizing wait for us. The ride was really fun, but we thought it was just a tad too short. Even if it was only 5 seconds longer, but it is what it is. We enjoyed it, and definitely wanted to ride it again for extended evening hours. We were exhausted afterwards, though, so we went back to our resort to get some food in a more quiet setting and take a nap. After the nap, we headed back out and watched the tiki room, rode the train to storybook circus, rode the people mover, Pirates, Jungle Cruise, Tron again (which was a walk-on after scanning in), Under the Sea, Winnie the Pooh, and Mine Train. We were definitely speed running the rest of the rides we cared about at the end, but it was definitely worth it considering how short all the waits were. We still had some time left of extended evening hours after Mine Train, but we decided to call it there because we were so exhausted.
May 9: Our last day, which we were so exhausted from the past few days that we just decided to chill at the resort. We ate breakfast at Boma, then just lounged around in the lobby, walked around to look at the animals one last time, and I bought an animal Kingdom Lodge shirt in the gift shop as a souvenir. We took a bus to Disney Springs and immediately took a Lynx bus back to the airport, where we drank some more overpriced alcoholic beverages while waiting for our flight and heading home.
Overall, it was a great trip. Even though I used to work there, it's a completely different experience going to the parks as a guest on a vacation. It was my first time staying at a deluxe resort, too. Something I was iffy about beforehand was the dining plan, but I loved it. It was crazy looking at the prices of all of our meals, and I think it definitely was a good deal for us since we loved all the fun themed alcoholic drinks we could get!
While I love MK, I think next time we might actually skip it. No plans for kids, so we definitely appreciate the aspects of the other parks with more things to do for adults (like going to Epcot everyday for cosmic rewind and alcohol). We both had a great time, and definitely want to start saving up for our next trip!

I (24f), my husband (31m) my daughter, our cat (Squeak) have a problem. My husband convinced me to get a puppy. I'm a cat person but I agreed as he is a dog person. He bought a Husky/Wolf/ Russian Bear Dog mix! This puppy is driving me nuts. He eats all my daughters food and if I gained it he'll walk over to the floor, pop a squat and go potty and looks at me while doing it. I have to clean it up and he'll eat her food then. He has plenty of toys and bones yet he chews the corner of our walls and our chairs.
He will not go to the bathroom outside, doesnt matter if youre out there for one minute or 30 minutes. He'll wait till you bring him inside and will go. He's huge (I'm 5'2" and 110 pounds.... He's taller than me on his hind legs and is 100 pounds and only 5 months old) I can't even take him outside without getting rope burn from the leash or getting pulled across the parking lot and getting hurt. He's almost broken my hand once from the leash and him trying to run. My husband expects me to take care of this dog..... I am the one doing everything from bathing to taking him out to cleaning up after him and if it doesn't get done he gets upset with me...... I brought up giving him to a new nice family, he told me he's just being a "puppy" and it'll pass, but I can't train this dog and I'm sooooo p****d off a d stressed from this.... Am I the AH for wanting to find someone else for this dog?