Peace tattoo fonts

Hello All,
I've realizes how stupid I was to get these tattoos recently although I need some guidance. This chat has helped my mental health tremdonsly thank you all for giving me peace of mind knowing im not alone. I feel extremely guilty that I spent money to change my appearance and do not want to give the impression to anyone that I meet that you need tattoos to be pretty and I feel upset with my self that I let social pressure and my addictive and impulsive personality get the best of me.
Here my questions:
How many sessions do we think this will take to remove?
FYI: The dragon fly is from September. Also, the ohana is from over 2 years ago.
Does this look heavy handed or fine lines?
Would getting my tattoos removed affect my fertility?
I want to try to have kids in the future so if there is a chance I would wait until I'm older.
All advice is helpful thank you so much for reading!
I'm trying to better understand how easy this would be to get removed. Thank you for your guys help and have a great rest of your day! May God bless all of you and I appreciate any guidance.

This is a very long one.
I (19f) have been in and out of long term/short term facilities since I was 12 years old. I’ve had suicide attempts and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. This is definitely not my first experience with a therapist. Over the years I’ve had over 6+. Not because they haven’t worked for me all the time, but because they either move onto another facility or I move onto another phase in life.
Last year I adopted a new therapist “Mere” thanks to my older sister “North”. My current Therapist “Tina” who I’ve been working with for the past 3 and a half years, switched to a facility where my insurance only covers 30 min sessions. North didn’t think that was enough for me at the time since I wasn’t doing so well mentally. The therapist she recommended worked closely with her own and offered 1hr long sessions, so I agreed wanting to try something new since my old therapist seemed to not specialize in trauma and ptsd. Kerr was highly recommended for those topics.
We started our sessions not soon after my sister offered. The first couple months were hard. Our personalities seemed to clash. Not because mine was bad, but because I was deeply depressed. I was not a joy to be around and everyone seemed annoyed with my constant melancholy. Even my therapists seemed sick of me.
Over time I learned to adapt my personality to be more palatable. My therapists loved it now that I was interacting with them and making jokes. I treated them more like friends now instead of therapists and they seemed to appreciate that. I found it funny because a lot of my issues I explained to them was faking my personality to fit into the crowd and adapt. Due to me being f a people pleaser. They didn’t see anything wrong with the change since I seemed to be getting better mentally.
I was better. I wouldn’t attribute much of my success to my therapists tho. It was nice to have someone to talk to since at the time I had no friends, but they didn’t seem to know how to handle my constant depression so I started to hide it from them. Even from myself. Over time I was able to function a lot better. I switched my sessions to only once every two weeks and I was planning on ending them all together since I was doing so well on my own and haven’t need much help in a while.
It seems that I ah e bad luck. Right when I was at my peak recovery and condition, I was raped on the first day of the new year. I spiraled back into my deep deep deep depression worse than any other relapse I had before. I survived on Benadryl and ice cream for weeks. I took the pills so I didn’t have to be awake to long. I ate only food that I liked the most (mainly unhealthily) my health declined.
My mental health was the worst of it tho. The day after the rape occurred I had a session with my newer therapist. I start telling her the details of my assault. The shock was still fresh in my brain and my memories were scrambled. I greatly blamed myself. I thought I was the weirdo.
Mere only confirmed my sentiments. Before I could fully list out the details of the night it happened she immediately started to spew accusations of my intentions that night. Saying phrases like “Well when someone is pleasuring you it’s hard to say no and there’s nothing wrong with that”
I shut up then and just agreed with her but something still didn’t sit right with me. I went on Reddit and there was mixed opinions about it. A lot of ppl validated my feelings and others thought It was my fault. After fully processing this event and fully remembering it in its entirety I can say confidently that what happened to me was rape.
The next session we had I was able to tell the full story. Mede had just said “Oh. Well you didn’t mention all this before. That’s definitely not ok”. The thing is tho, she was the one to cut me off and make assumptions instead of trying to pull out the full story. She knew I had extreme ptsd and I probably wouldn’t be able to give an in-depth detailed explanation of what happened. She still insulted me anyway and brushed me off.
I thought this to be weird but I brushed it off. When you think k you’re in the presence of a professional you don’t often question things especially if you aren’t in the mental space to do so. So ignored her.
There have been times where she’s been short with me. One time she had asked to switch a 12pm session to 5pm. When I refused she said she’d have to charge me a cancellation fee. It seemed that she just wanted to get paid for that session still and wanted to guilt me into paying. I refused and explained that she was the one who cancelled on me and she immediately backed down realizing I wouldn’t be easily pushed around. I didn’t think much of it then.
Another time. I had gone to this tattoo parlor to get my belly button pierced. I took videos and pictures of the process. She requested in our session that week to see the pictures. I agreed to send and emailed them to her in two emails. In one there was all the pictures of the parlor, the. The other had the videos of the full process. Accidentally I had added one singular picture of me. I was at school and I took a picture in the schools bathroom. There was nothing indecent about it I just accidentally pressed on that picture as I was sending the others. IT happened a lot when using your iPhone to email and I didn’t really notice.
She brought it up the next session and started to berate me for sending that singular pic out of all the obvious other intended pictures. She said it’s inappropriate to send her pictures of myself. I explained to her the accident and she seemed shocked. All she said was “oh well ok”. I don’t know why she got so triggered I’ve always kept good boundaries with her. I can’t believe she immediately started accusing me for one picture of me posing in the mirror while having a turtle neck in a jacket and everything.
Those are just a few of the shady things she’s done. Now back to current time. After I was raped. I still continued sessions with her and tried to get back on track. She wasn’t really helping. I would have extreme panic attacks on therapy video calls with her and she seemed at loss of what to do. I distanced myself from her and I started to get a little better, but then I started to have issues with some of my friends. That added onto my load of issues and started to push me to the edge.
I called my therapist the night of my attempt. I try not to call her after hours but I was in genuine crisis. I had spent the whole day being practically verbally abused by one of my friends. I was cracking slowly it surely and I reached out for help.
Otp I expressed to her how I felt betrayed by everyone around me. I asked her why everyone felt it was ok to treat me wrong whenever. Why wasn’t I able to find peace? Why I couldn’t find ppl who cared? My parents are emotionally abusive as well. That all stems into my ppl pleasing habits. I’ve let a lot of ppl take advantage of my nature because I’ve been conditioned to since birth. She knows my history and why I am the way I am. Instead of consoling me she yelled at me. “Well you knew they were bad ppl!” “If you knew they were bad ppl why are you blaming them you just need to stop hanging around bad ppl”. She then told me she had to go and hung up. She did ask me if I was safe but of course I lied. She knows I always try to see the best in ppl. I don’t see the bad till it’s too late most times. Her words stung like acid. I had been prescribed some sedatives to calm me during panic attacks. I had taken two but they weren’t helping. After that call I took the whole bottle. I didn’t want to die alone so I called my mother to stay in my room with me. Then I drifted into a deep sleep for hours into the next day’s afternoon. I had fallen asleep around 10 pm. I woke up the next day around 3pm still kicking but disordered.
I spent two weeks in a mental hospital. During that time I do t have access to my phone. I had my sister contact everyone that needed to be. Even Mere. She knew I was in there. I didn’t call her while I was there bc I was still upset at her after everything.
I was discharged but I didn’t set up a session for weeks. She emailed and called me once but I didn’t respond till I was fully settled back into my routine and okay enough to talk to her. I emailed her this
“Hallo, Sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just needed some time to get myself together. I called you just now. You are probably busy. I hope everything is doing well on your end. Sorry again. Sent from my iPhone”
I had planned to set up an appointment in the future to talk to her about everything but by the time I checked my patient portal a week or so later I had been discharged with no warning. No calm text or email.
I set up a meeting with her over the phone for 45 mins. When she first came onto the call the first thing she said was “I saw that you put our appointment for 45 mins. I changed it to 30 bc you know I did discharge you”. I thought it was pretty rude so instead of explaining everything I told her about how I didn’t have my phone in the hospital and the hospital themselves didn’t notify her because they were disorganized and were extremely unprofessional. It’s not like she wasn’t updated by my sisters anyway. When I got my phone after I got home I saw texts from her asking if I was still having a session with her. Knowing that I was in the hospital. It seemed she either didn’t care or didn’t believe I was in the hospital. In fact when she had spoken over the phone with one of my sisters she had lied to them about that night. She had told her “After I got otp with her I immediately started praying for her because I m ew something was deeply wrong” how delusional of her to say after she yelled at me and hung up.
Anyway after I explained my reasoning for going MIA she started to realize how fucked up she was and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say much because I was done with her and she obviously didn’t intend of hearing the full story since she shortened our session. She started asking me why I didn’t want to continue therapy and seemed confused why I didn’t seem to beg her to re admit me. I told her I was done with therapy. She seemed concerned and said that she discharged me because she thought it’d be better for me to find an in person therapist. I knew it was a shitty excuse. I quickly hang up on her and don’t address anything.
I’m only processing this now because I’ve had much bigger things going on. I’m only now realizing how fucked up her behavior was. If I hadn’t spoken to her the night of my attempt I probably wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. I feel cheated out of help. I don’t feel angry at her I have to reserve that for someone more worthy of my rage. I only wished she didn’t use the fact that I would never call her out on her behavior usually. She knew my temperament and took advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a therapist again. She victim blamed me, mocked me, berated me in my time of need, and then abandoned me on baseless assumptions that could’ve been easily cleared up if she actually listened to what my sisters and I were saying. She didn’t even say sorry when we were talking. Or express any remorse besides embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. SMH.
TLDR: My therapist berated me for trusting ppl in my life the night of my suicide attempt. Then Discharged me from her care without consulting me first. Blamed me for all her mistakes and jumped to conclusions randomly then never apologized for the baseless accusations. I am at a loss for words and at a loss for trust in therapy again.

This is a very long one. Trigger warning ⚠️
I (19f) have been in and out of long term/short term facilities since I was 12 years old. I’ve had suicide attempts and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. This is definitely not my first experience with a therapist. Over the years I’ve had over 6+. Not because they haven’t worked for me all the time, but because they either move onto another facility or I move onto another phase in life.
Last year I adopted a new therapist “Mere” thanks to my older sister “North”. My current Therapist “Tina” who I’ve been working with for the past 3 and a half years, switched to a facility where my insurance only covers 30 min sessions. North didn’t think that was enough for me at the time since I wasn’t doing so well mentally. The therapist she recommended worked closely with her own and offered 1hr long sessions, so I agreed wanting to try something new since my old therapist seemed to not specialize in trauma and ptsd. Kerr was highly recommended for those topics.
We started our sessions not soon after my sister offered. The first couple months were hard. Our personalities seemed to clash. Not because mine was bad, but because I was deeply depressed. I was not a joy to be around and everyone seemed annoyed with my constant melancholy. Even my therapists seemed sick of me.
Over time I learned to adapt my personality to be more palatable. My therapists loved it now that I was interacting with them and making jokes. I treated them more like friends now instead of therapists and they seemed to appreciate that. I found it funny because a lot of my issues I explained to them was faking my personality to fit into the crowd and adapt. Due to me being f a people pleaser. They didn’t see anything wrong with the change since I seemed to be getting better mentally.
I was better. I wouldn’t attribute much of my success to my therapists tho. It was nice to have someone to talk to since at the time I had no friends, but they didn’t seem to know how to handle my constant depression so I started to hide it from them. Even from myself. Over time I was able to function a lot better. I switched my sessions to only once every two weeks and I was planning on ending them all together since I was doing so well on my own and haven’t need much help in a while.
It seems that I ah e bad luck. Right when I was at my peak recovery and condition, I was raped on the first day of the new year. I spiraled back into my deep deep deep depression worse than any other relapse I had before. I survived on Benadryl and ice cream for weeks. I took the pills so I didn’t have to be awake to long. I ate only food that I liked the most (mainly unhealthily) my health declined.
My mental health was the worst of it tho. The day after the rape occurred I had a session with my newer therapist. I start telling her the details of my assault. The shock was still fresh in my brain and my memories were scrambled. I greatly blamed myself. I thought I was the weirdo.
Mere only confirmed my sentiments. Before I could fully list out the details of the night it happened she immediately started to spew accusations of my intentions that night. Saying phrases like “Well when someone is pleasuring you it’s hard to say no and there’s nothing wrong with that”
I shut up then and just agreed with her but something still didn’t sit right with me. I went on Reddit and there was mixed opinions about it. A lot of ppl validated my feelings and others thought It was my fault. After fully processing this event and fully remembering it in its entirety I can say confidently that what happened to me was rape.
The next session we had I was able to tell the full story. Mede had just said “Oh. Well you didn’t mention all this before. That’s definitely not ok”. The thing is tho, she was the one to cut me off and make assumptions instead of trying to pull out the full story. She knew I had extreme ptsd and I probably wouldn’t be able to give an in-depth detailed explanation of what happened. She still insulted me anyway and brushed me off.
I thought this to be weird but I brushed it off. When you think k you’re in the presence of a professional you don’t often question things especially if you aren’t in the mental space to do so. So ignored her.
There have been times where she’s been short with me. One time she had asked to switch a 12pm session to 5pm. When I refused she said she’d have to charge me a cancellation fee. It seemed that she just wanted to get paid for that session still and wanted to guilt me into paying. I refused and explained that she was the one who cancelled on me and she immediately backed down realizing I wouldn’t be easily pushed around. I didn’t think much of it then.
Another time. I had gone to this tattoo parlor to get my belly button pierced. I took videos and pictures of the process. She requested in our session that week to see the pictures. I agreed to send and emailed them to her in two emails. In one there was all the pictures of the parlor, the. The other had the videos of the full process. Accidentally I had added one singular picture of me. I was at school and I took a picture in the schools bathroom. There was nothing indecent about it I just accidentally pressed on that picture as I was sending the others. IT happened a lot when using your iPhone to email and I didn’t really notice.
She brought it up the next session and started to berate me for sending that singular pic out of all the obvious other intended pictures. She said it’s inappropriate to send her pictures of myself. I explained to her the accident and she seemed shocked. All she said was “oh well ok”. I don’t know why she got so triggered I’ve always kept good boundaries with her. I can’t believe she immediately started accusing me for one picture of me posing in the mirror while having a turtle neck in a jacket and everything.
Those are just a few of the shady things she’s done. Now back to current time. After I was raped. I still continued sessions with her and tried to get back on track. She wasn’t really helping. I would have extreme panic attacks on therapy video calls with her and she seemed at loss of what to do. I distanced myself from her and I started to get a little better, but then I started to have issues with some of my friends. That added onto my load of issues and started to push me to the edge.
I called my therapist the night of my attempt. I try not to call her after hours but I was in genuine crisis. I had spent the whole day being practically verbally abused by one of my friends. I was cracking slowly it surely and I reached out for help.
Otp I expressed to her how I felt betrayed by everyone around me. I asked her why everyone felt it was ok to treat me wrong whenever. Why wasn’t I able to find peace? Why I couldn’t find ppl who cared? My parents are emotionally abusive as well. That all stems into my ppl pleasing habits. I’ve let a lot of ppl take advantage of my nature because I’ve been conditioned to since birth. She knows my history and why I am the way I am. Instead of consoling me she yelled at me. “Well you knew they were bad ppl!” “If you knew they were bad ppl why are you blaming them you just need to stop hanging around bad ppl”. She then told me she had to go and hung up. She did ask me if I was safe but of course I lied. She knows I always try to see the best in ppl. I don’t see the bad till it’s too late most times. Her words stung like acid. I had been prescribed some sedatives to calm me during panic attacks. I had taken two but they weren’t helping. After that call I took the whole bottle. I didn’t want to die alone so I called my mother to stay in my room with me. Then I drifted into a deep sleep for hours into the next day’s afternoon. I had fallen asleep around 10 pm. I woke up the next day around 3pm still kicking but disordered.
I spent two weeks in a mental hospital. During that time I do t have access to my phone. I had my sister contact everyone that needed to be. Even Mere. She knew I was in there. I didn’t call her while I was there bc I was still upset at her after everything.
I was discharged but I didn’t set up a session for weeks. She emailed and called me once but I didn’t respond till I was fully settled back into my routine and okay enough to talk to her. I emailed her this
“Hallo, Sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just needed some time to get myself together. I called you just now. You are probably busy. I hope everything is doing well on your end. Sorry again. Sent from my iPhone”
I had planned to set up an appointment in the future to talk to her about everything but by the time I checked my patient portal a week or so later I had been discharged with no warning. No calm text or email.
I set up a meeting with her over the phone for 45 mins. When she first came onto the call the first thing she said was “I saw that you put our appointment for 45 mins. I changed it to 30 bc you know I did discharge you”. I thought it was pretty rude so instead of explaining everything I told her about how I didn’t have my phone in the hospital and the hospital themselves didn’t notify her because they were disorganized and were extremely unprofessional. It’s not like she wasn’t updated by my sisters anyway. When I got my phone after I got home I saw texts from her asking if I was still having a session with her. Knowing that I was in the hospital. It seemed she either didn’t care or didn’t believe I was in the hospital. In fact when she had spoken over the phone with one of my sisters she had lied to them about that night. She had told her “After I got otp with her I immediately started praying for her because I m ew something was deeply wrong” how delusional of her to say after she yelled at me and hung up.
Anyway after I explained my reasoning for going MIA she started to realize how fucked up she was and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say much because I was done with her and she obviously didn’t intend of hearing the full story since she shortened our session. She started asking me why I didn’t want to continue therapy and seemed confused why I didn’t seem to beg her to re admit me. I told her I was done with therapy. She seemed concerned and said that she discharged me because she thought it’d be better for me to find an in person therapist. I knew it was a shitty excuse. I quickly hang up on her and don’t address anything.
I’m only processing this now because I’ve had much bigger things going on. I’m only now realizing how fucked up her behavior was. If I hadn’t spoken to her the night of my attempt I probably wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. I feel cheated out of help. I don’t feel angry at her I have to reserve that for someone more worthy of my rage. I only wished she didn’t use the fact that I would never call her out on her behavior usually. She knew my temperament and took advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a therapist again. She victim blamed me, mocked me, berated me in my time of need, and then abandoned me on baseless assumptions that could’ve been easily cleared up if she actually listened to what my sisters and I were saying. She didn’t even say sorry when we were talking. Or express any remorse besides embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. SMH.
TLDR: My therapist berated me for trusting ppl in my life the night of my suicide attempt. Then Discharged me from her care without consulting me first. Blamed me for all her mistakes and jumped to conclusions randomly then never apologized for the baseless accusations. I am at a loss for words and at a loss for trust in therapy again.

This is a very long one.
I (19f) have been in and out of long term/short term facilities since I was 12 years old. I’ve had suicide attempts and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. This is definitely not my first experience with a therapist. Over the years I’ve had over 6+. Not because they haven’t worked for me all the time, but because they either move onto another facility or I move onto another phase in life.
Last year I adopted a new therapist “Mere” thanks to my older sister “North”. My current Therapist “Tina” who I’ve been working with for the past 3 and a half years, switched to a facility where my insurance only covers 30 min sessions. North didn’t think that was enough for me at the time since I wasn’t doing so well mentally. The therapist she recommended worked closely with her own and offered 1hr long sessions, so I agreed wanting to try something new since my old therapist seemed to not specialize in trauma and ptsd. Kerr was highly recommended for those topics.
We started our sessions not soon after my sister offered. The first couple months were hard. Our personalities seemed to clash. Not because mine was bad, but because I was deeply depressed. I was not a joy to be around and everyone seemed annoyed with my constant melancholy. Even my therapists seemed sick of me.
Over time I learned to adapt my personality to be more palatable. My therapists loved it now that I was interacting with them and making jokes. I treated them more like friends now instead of therapists and they seemed to appreciate that. I found it funny because a lot of my issues I explained to them was faking my personality to fit into the crowd and adapt. Due to me being f a people pleaser. They didn’t see anything wrong with the change since I seemed to be getting better mentally.
I was better. I wouldn’t attribute much of my success to my therapists tho. It was nice to have someone to talk to since at the time I had no friends, but they didn’t seem to know how to handle my constant depression so I started to hide it from them. Even from myself. Over time I was able to function a lot better. I switched my sessions to only once every two weeks and I was planning on ending them all together since I was doing so well on my own and haven’t need much help in a while.
It seems that I ah e bad luck. Right when I was at my peak recovery and condition, I was raped on the first day of the new year. I spiraled back into my deep deep deep depression worse than any other relapse I had before. I survived on Benadryl and ice cream for weeks. I took the pills so I didn’t have to be awake to long. I ate only food that I liked the most (mainly unhealthily) my health declined.
My mental health was the worst of it tho. The day after the rape occurred I had a session with my newer therapist. I start telling her the details of my assault. The shock was still fresh in my brain and my memories were scrambled. I greatly blamed myself. I thought I was the weirdo.
Mere only confirmed my sentiments. Before I could fully list out the details of the night it happened she immediately started to spew accusations of my intentions that night. Saying phrases like “Well when someone is pleasuring you it’s hard to say no and there’s nothing wrong with that”
I shut up then and just agreed with her but something still didn’t sit right with me. I went on Reddit and there was mixed opinions about it. A lot of ppl validated my feelings and others thought It was my fault. After fully processing this event and fully remembering it in its entirety I can say confidently that what happened to me was rape.
The next session we had I was able to tell the full story. Mede had just said “Oh. Well you didn’t mention all this before. That’s definitely not ok”. The thing is tho, she was the one to cut me off and make assumptions instead of trying to pull out the full story. She knew I had extreme ptsd and I probably wouldn’t be able to give an in-depth detailed explanation of what happened. She still insulted me anyway and brushed me off.
I thought this to be weird but I brushed it off. When you think k you’re in the presence of a professional you don’t often question things especially if you aren’t in the mental space to do so. So ignored her.
There have been times where she’s been short with me. One time she had asked to switch a 12pm session to 5pm. When I refused she said she’d have to charge me a cancellation fee. It seemed that she just wanted to get paid for that session still and wanted to guilt me into paying. I refused and explained that she was the one who cancelled on me and she immediately backed down realizing I wouldn’t be easily pushed around. I didn’t think much of it then.
Another time. I had gone to this tattoo parlor to get my belly button pierced. I took videos and pictures of the process. She requested in our session that week to see the pictures. I agreed to send and emailed them to her in two emails. In one there was all the pictures of the parlor, the. The other had the videos of the full process. Accidentally I had added one singular picture of me. I was at school and I took a picture in the schools bathroom. There was nothing indecent about it I just accidentally pressed on that picture as I was sending the others. IT happened a lot when using your iPhone to email and I didn’t really notice.
She brought it up the next session and started to berate me for sending that singular pic out of all the obvious other intended pictures. She said it’s inappropriate to send her pictures of myself. I explained to her the accident and she seemed shocked. All she said was “oh well ok”. I don’t know why she got so triggered I’ve always kept good boundaries with her. I can’t believe she immediately started accusing me for one picture of me posing in the mirror while having a turtle neck in a jacket and everything.
Those are just a few of the shady things she’s done. Now back to current time. After I was raped. I still continued sessions with her and tried to get back on track. She wasn’t really helping. I would have extreme panic attacks on therapy video calls with her and she seemed at loss of what to do. I distanced myself from her and I started to get a little better, but then I started to have issues with some of my friends. That added onto my load of issues and started to push me to the edge.
I called my therapist the night of my attempt. I try not to call her after hours but I was in genuine crisis. I had spent the whole day being practically verbally abused by one of my friends. I was cracking slowly it surely and I reached out for help.
Otp I expressed to her how I felt betrayed by everyone around me. I asked her why everyone felt it was ok to treat me wrong whenever. Why wasn’t I able to find peace? Why I couldn’t find ppl who cared? My parents are emotionally abusive as well. That all stems into my ppl pleasing habits. I’ve let a lot of ppl take advantage of my nature because I’ve been conditioned to since birth. She knows my history and why I am the way I am. Instead of consoling me she yelled at me. “Well you knew they were bad ppl!” “If you knew they were bad ppl why are you blaming them you just need to stop hanging around bad ppl”. She then told me she had to go and hung up. She did ask me if I was safe but of course I lied. She knows I always try to see the best in ppl. I don’t see the bad till it’s too late most times. Her words stung like acid. I had been prescribed some sedatives to calm me during panic attacks. I had taken two but they weren’t helping. After that call I took the whole bottle. I didn’t want to die alone so I called my mother to stay in my room with me. Then I drifted into a deep sleep for hours into the next day’s afternoon. I had fallen asleep around 10 pm. I woke up the next day around 3pm still kicking but disordered.
I spent two weeks in a mental hospital. During that time I do t have access to my phone. I had my sister contact everyone that needed to be. Even Mere. She knew I was in there. I didn’t call her while I was there bc I was still upset at her after everything.
I was discharged but I didn’t set up a session for weeks. She emailed and called me once but I didn’t respond till I was fully settled back into my routine and okay enough to talk to her. I emailed her this
“Hallo, Sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just needed some time to get myself together. I called you just now. You are probably busy. I hope everything is doing well on your end. Sorry again. Sent from my iPhone”
I had planned to set up an appointment in the future to talk to her about everything but by the time I checked my patient portal a week or so later I had been discharged with no warning. No calm text or email.
I set up a meeting with her over the phone for 45 mins. When she first came onto the call the first thing she said was “I saw that you put our appointment for 45 mins. I changed it to 30 bc you know I did discharge you”. I thought it was pretty rude so instead of explaining everything I told her about how I didn’t have my phone in the hospital and the hospital themselves didn’t notify her because they were disorganized and were extremely unprofessional. It’s not like she wasn’t updated by my sisters anyway. When I got my phone after I got home I saw texts from her asking if I was still having a session with her. Knowing that I was in the hospital. It seemed she either didn’t care or didn’t believe I was in the hospital. In fact when she had spoken over the phone with one of my sisters she had lied to them about that night. She had told her “After I got otp with her I immediately started praying for her because I m ew something was deeply wrong” how delusional of her to say after she yelled at me and hung up.
Anyway after I explained my reasoning for going MIA she started to realize how fucked up she was and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say much because I was done with her and she obviously didn’t intend of hearing the full story since she shortened our session. She started asking me why I didn’t want to continue therapy and seemed confused why I didn’t seem to beg her to re admit me. I told her I was done with therapy. She seemed concerned and said that she discharged me because she thought it’d be better for me to find an in person therapist. I knew it was a shitty excuse. I quickly hang up on her and don’t address anything.
I’m only processing this now because I’ve had much bigger things going on. I’m only now realizing how fucked up her behavior was. If I hadn’t spoken to her the night of my attempt I probably wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. I feel cheated out of help. I don’t feel angry at her I have to reserve that for someone more worthy of my rage. I only wished she didn’t use the fact that I would never call her out on her behavior usually. She knew my temperament and took advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a therapist again. She victim blamed me, mocked me, berated me in my time of need, and then abandoned me on baseless assumptions that could’ve been easily cleared up if she actually listened to what my sisters and I were saying. She didn’t even say sorry when we were talking. Or express any remorse besides embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. SMH.
TLDR: My therapist berated me for trusting ppl in my life the night of my suicide attempt. Then Discharged me from her care without consulting me first. Blamed me for all her mistakes and jumped to conclusions randomly then never apologized for the baseless accusations. I am at a loss for words and at a loss for trust in therapy again.

At Art N Soul, we believe that tattoos are more than just ink on skin; they're a powerful form of self-expression and personal storytelling. Our tattoo services are designed to elevate your individuality, allowing you to wear your story proudly on your skin.
Craftsmanship lies at the heart of what we do. Our team of skilled artists at Art N Soul brings years of experience and passion to every tattoo session. Whether you're seeking a small, intricate design or a large-scale masterpiece, we take pride in delivering unparalleled craftsmanship and attention to detail.

What sets Art N Soul apart is our commitment to collaboration. We understand that every tattoo is a deeply personal journey, and we're here to guide you every step of the way. From initial consultation to final touch-ups, our artists work closely with you to understand your vision, preferences, and story behind the ink.

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At Art N Soul, we believe that tattoos are not just about the finished artwork; they're about the experience and journey along the way. Our studio provides a warm and welcoming environment where you can relax, unwind, and immerse yourself in the creative process. Whether you're seeking solace, empowerment, or simply a moment of self-expression, Art N Soul is here to make your tattoo experience unforgettable.

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Except not nuxia or hito bc fuck them
(I was thinking of “natures wrath” in a cool font on the back of my calf but I could get 2 tattoos)

Hi! Today was my first time attending a reiki session and wow. So much to unpack.
A little background (I'll keep it as short as possible): Im from small town in south louisiana, not religious but had knowledge in Christianity, became more agnostic over the years, but open minded have experienced a lot of trauma, like most, through childhood and up until now. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety/depression, adhd.
In March I started having worsening abdominal pain so bad that it was debilitating. By mid April, I had a total hysterectomy followed by developing an ileus (intestines basically lose motility) and I literally thought I was dying. It was so painful and traumatic.
I've been better since the surgery, and hormones are perfectly regulated but I felt a lot of things from my past trauma resurfaced (now I know it makes since, since root chakra=survival and is connected to female reproduction). I've been working on healing my inner child and started meditating and stuff when I learned about reiki. I've been trying to work on things specifically-be happier, find joy, be grateful, tap back into my creative side, learn more about quantum physics/astronomy.
Today, I went in with an open mind only expecting it to be more of a meditation/relaxation thing. Prior to the session, I didn't tell the practitioner anything-about surgery, beliefs, anxiety, spiritual journey. She also does not know me, and while I do have social media, I don't post much.
Session starts, I felt warmth on my head and all these tingles and twinge throughout. When she was on my crown chakra I saw the most beautiful purple/magenta, super vibrant. Then I saw other colors through out just not as intense.
Here's the cool part: after our session, she told me that she sensed the over thinking/anxiety and on my heart chakra she felt like an elephant was on her chest. Funny thing is, I've been having that sensation all week and have been doing somatic exercises for it.
She also said that when she got to my root chakra/lower abdomen her hand burned, which is insane! She also said that Archangel Haniel came through. Although I was raised Christian, I have no idea who this is. All the practitioner told me about her was that she's known for wisdom and joy (perfect, just what I've been asking for). She also mentioned the number 35, which didn't really resonate with me except for the fact that I always had a feeling I'd die at 35 (morbid, I know). Left the session feeling great. Peaceful and validated.
Upon searching Haniel, she's amazing! She represents everything I've been wanting to manifest in my life!! Weirdest thing. She's also associated with artemis, the moon, and astrology. I've always felt a connection to artemis (thought about getting her tattooed on me next to my moon phases). Same thing when I looked up 35. There's a lot more I could write, but it's already too long. If you've made it this far, thanks.
Is it a fluke or a self fulfilling prophecy, you may think so. But I don't! Life is amazing and there's so much we don't know.

Hello people, sorry if my post violates the rules of this community but I feel a little lost about what to do with my life and I would appreciate some opinions on the following. Do you consider that to be a good tattoo artist you must have an innate talent for drawing? When I was little, this art never caught my attention much and I explored it very little and today I find myself at a point in my life where I am not sure what to do, lately I have been exploring the world of tattooing since lately I have liked it. I do a lot of drawings and everything related to this, when I draw I feel peace although I am not very good at drawing, I bought a tattoo machine that should soon reach me but on many occasions I feel that I would not be good at tattooing due to my lack of talent, I am very anxious and with an immense desire to learn about this art. Excuse my Google Translator English :(

Rampa & Apache - Cesara Lina / Rampa - Cezaralina / Rampa - Say What
Collé, 16BL & Deroos - One Place
Adam Port - Move
SiiNa - Kulosa
Quentro, Tuna, Kuntay - Perreo
Jungle - Back on 74 (Betical & Arper Remix)
Miguel - Girl With The Tattoo (Wakyin Remix)
Jamek Ortega - Ride With Me
Bayanni - Ta Ta Ta (Barka Remix)
Naika - 1+1 (GUAPO(AO) Edit)
Dave feat. Burna Boy - Location (JOSEPH & :DARREN Remix)
Omah Lay - Soso (Deroos, Colle, 16BL Remix)
Lauren Hill - Doo Wop (FNX Omar Private Edit)
Parcels - Overnight (Alex Wann Remix)
Raffa Guido - Preguntas (Real one, not "Lucca Saettone - Pegate a Mi")
Fireboy DML - Yawa (AVÖ & Luch Re-work)
Travis Scott - Thank God (Chaleee Remix)
Tyla - Water (Chaleee, Cincity, Cuneyt Cilingiroglu Remix)
Drake - One Dance (Indigo Retouch)
Silence Of Love (Reznik Remix)
Sofi Tukker - Veneno (&friends Remix)
&ME & GORDO - Cut It For Me
Diplo - Fortress (Rampa Remix)
Victor Alc - I Know You Know
Ankhoi - Working Night Shift
Love Lockdown (Matt Sawyer vs. Sasson Edit)
UVITA & Sasson - Makalu
Liminal MX - Like You Do (Joji Tribute Edit)
Peaty - Ouda
Empire Of The Sun - We Are The People (Nacho Varela & Cruz Vittor Edit)
Moeaike, Alan Dixon - Bo Bom
Sparrow & Barbossa, PJ Sin Suela - Si Te Vas (Original Mix)
Drake - Finesse (Antdot Remix)
Anton Khabbaz, Dylan Lee, Jardin Du Son - DiDi
&ME & GORDO - Cut It For Me
Somma - All 4 You / All For You
Kazy Lambist - Headson (Bensy Remix)
Ankhoï - Night Shift
Sade - Kiss Of Life (Peace Control x Badbwoy Remix)
Bobby Caldwell - What You Won't Do For Love (Victhor Amapiano Remix)

This is going to be a long post about my sister. For the past 2 years my sister has been ruining her life. When she turned 16 she started dating this guy we'll call Caleb. Caleb was a toxic piece of shit and put his hands on her, gave her bruises etc. We told her to break up with him and press charges she did break up with him but did not press charges.
About 2 months pass and she says she's dating a new guy which is funny enough also named Caleb. We didn't think anything of it really. But she never really brings him around, shows us pictures anything. Well eventually she gets in a little fender bender with another car on the road, and on the insurance has the last name of her first toxic piece of boyfriend, she lied and said she wanted us to give him another chance and that there's good in him, well considering she had been lying to us for 10 months while also having a huge attitude the entire time, anytime anyone asks her to do anything or even interact with her she just goes off the handle for no reason.
Anyway, my Mom BLEW up. This was 2 weeks before she turned 18 and she had been talking alot of shit up to it saying how when she turns 18 she's gonna be outta here, that she can't wait to leave this household where we never support her (for dating Caleb) and that she can make it on her own and have her own apartment etc. My mom told her to pack her shit and leave then, and she left and moved in with Caleb's mother.
This is where she just went downhill, she started hanging out with people that ran car takeovers, caught multiple charges for speeding, alcohol possession, disturbing the peace etc. She was hanging out with people that were doing meth, coke and popping pills and apparently gangs, though I don't believe that. She got random tattoos just because someone asked her to, maxed out credit cards and eventually lost her car when it stopped working. This is when its shown that Caleb never even wanted her and has been cheating on her with another girl, and now that her car is gone he doesn't want my sister around. So she ended up moving back in home but we told her this shit can NOT follow you and that lifestyle ends if she comes back, she said ok.
Well she still had her nasty attitude, if you talked to her she would just blow up because she was busy, or she'll do it when she feels like it or she doesn't care how you feel about how she does something etc. Just being a general unpleasant person. We told her nope you need to go to therapy or figure out something to work on your anger issues and mental issues, cause she's diagnosed bipolar and with bpd. Well she did get into therapy but did not want to take medicine. She ended up a few months later having a mental breakdown where I ended up taking her to the mental health emergency room.
It. Was. Miserable. Anytime a nurse talked to her she would try to tell them how to do their job, was harrassing them saying she's been here for 30 minutes and she feels like she's not prioritizing her etc. When the psychiatrist finally comes and gets her, she comes back immediately 2 minutes later saying that the psychiatrist is a bitch and she's not going to let her speak to her like that and I need to come in there right now or she's going to go off. So I go in there and she's saying the psychiatrist is saying that she can't have her phone back in voluntary confinement and she's saying that it's illegal to take my phone and that I need it as an anxiety tool and the psychiatrist was explaining hippa and stuff and she was trying to explain how hippa works to the doctor!! So she ended up declining voluntary confinement because she couldn't keep her phone. We ended up just getting prescribed Remeron and Ativan as a rescue.
We ended up going home and I made sure she took the medicine for the first 3 days, but then after that she stopped. Just stopped taking it and this is how she always is with any medicine, any medicine she gets prescribed she either doesn't take it, looks up the side effects and convinces herself she is feeling it, literally psyching herself out. She told me multiple times how she just doesn't take medicine she gets prescribed because she doesn't trust whats in it, but she'll go to a smoke shop and buy any random non regulated pre roll right off the shelf and put that in her body no problem.
Well she started complaining that Caleb was trying to contact her again through abunch of random phone numbers, making new numbers or emails whatever just to contact her. This was because she was talking to the person Caleb was cheating on her with talking shit about him and she was telling him. She called the cops the first time because he said he was outside the house. She called them again because she said he was outside her bedroom window with a weapon looking in at her window (checked the cameras, nothing). She ended up going to get a restraining order took out on him
We told her either stop talking to this person, or move out. She said okay she'll stop... but a week and a half later she comes in my room panicing saying call the cops that Caleb is threatening her and she can't because she's ON THE PHONE WITH HIM, AND ON A FACETIME CALL WITH THE EX AND SOME RANDOM PERSON. I called the police for her, and they showed up. This whole time my sister is egging him on, saying she doesn't care and that she can do what she wants because freedom of speech. He says gonna come to our house and get us (Me and my Mother) to tell us what's going on then. She says no you won't and surprise surprise, the crazy dude shows. About 10 minutes after the cops did, my sister was talking to them this entire time and when he rolled up, she ran inside crying saying he was gonna kill her.
Well the cops just ended up talking to him for a little bit and he ended up leaving, but me and my mom are so done. She won't get help, she won't take medicine, she can't hold down a job because of her attitude, she's gone through 7 jobs since she was 16, and it's always because her managers supposedly target her, even though the things she tells us are very.. normal workplace things. She lies about everything, she lied and told us she would stop talking to Caleb, she lied and said she would stop talking to her ex, she lied and said she would take her medicine this time (stopped after day 3), she lies and lies and lies.
What can I do to help her at this point? She ended up leaving to calm down at a friends and came back for a bit to get come stuff and we ended up arguing. She saying she wishes she never met caleb, all her problems are because of him, and that we never support her through it. I told her I literally took her to mental health emergency 2 weeks ago, she says that doesn't have to do with Caleb. She just said all her problems are because of him? I said we told you to stop talking to Tiffany and you didn't. "Well, it's because me and her were both abused by Caleb, she's the only person in the world that knows my Trauma I need her", so she admits to her lying. She went to the magistrates office after the cops left and had her friends clip together audio recording of Caleb saying he was going to kill her or harm her in some way and put out charges on him, so she falsified charges.
I don't know how else to help her. We told her we're evicting her but I really want to believe there's some other way. Because of her lifestyle, I've fully accepted that I'm probably going to get a call within the next 10 years saying she died in some way. But I don't want my sister to die, I want to help her in some way. What should I do?

Hey fam :)
Now that it’s been a week, I’m just thinking back to how great Rendevouz was. Sure, the entire crowd wasn’t perfect as many posts have said (I, personally, am new to festivals and this scene so I’m eager to learn the proper “etiquette”), but it was still a perfect weekend in my eyes!
I have a bajillion things to say about the weekend, but here are the first things that come to my ADHD mind:
Was anyone in the pit before Tipper’s set when it was hot as balls, and then it began to sprinkle the coldest water? Literally the best feeling of my life & it convinced me Tipper controls the weather since it put me in a good mood lol
During Reslang, I was next to these two people from Colorado- a week’s passed so I’m hazy on the names, but it was something like Joe and Maya. They gave me a little stone mushroom that I wanted to keep, but I think my roommate’s cat knocked it somewhere. Anyways, if you’re reading this it was dope briefly meeting you!
Jade Cicada night in general was probably my favorite chain of music. I indulged in some nice gel candy which resulted in me needing a brief visit to Sanctuarium (ya know, stomach issues 😉) and I missed Cumulus Frisbee to my dismay, but everything from Smigonaut onwards was INSANE. Oh, and back to Sanctuarium, that place was a life saver- thank you to that organization!
I’ve never had a tattoo, but I really want my first one to be about the Rendevouz. The community is filled with so much love, and I’m so glad my friend invited me into this community last year. Going to these events make me feel like I can be my most authentic self, and has already helped me break out of my introverted shell and learn lessons about peace, love, and most importantly family.
Love you all, and I hope to catch some of you at Secret Dreams :)

(trying my best english)
Hi everyone, its been a while i havent been here. I used to suffer ocd almost my whole life. In the last year or more i made BIG steps forward to defeat this problem. Everything was going well, my serenity was consolidated, positivity and confidence. So i I fought so much that triggers didnt even change my days, i didnt think anymore and was living much more freely and focus with positivity on my dreams, goals and passions. I achieved this with a lot of stoicism and strength.
But now It has come again in a new form. Because of... A tattoo Yea for real. And It Is not even bad. Its beautiful and super well made. Ive been impulsive on doin It but i wanted It for month. Changed my choice many times cause i had a lot of good ideas and was confused on which do first. After two days thoughts started to to show up. I figured out that i wanted It on the other arm. I already had two tattoos on the arm i made It. It has caused me a crazy feel of imbalance and inperfection on me that i cant even think positive and be satisfied on what i made like i cant do the thing that bring me Joy with joy and spontaneità. I know the reasons this happened, i put too much importancd on it. But the fact that i cant change this specific thing now and restart like the majority of times in life. I keep visualize It on the other side and this it makes things worse, keep thinking on how it would change there. For this Little bullshit its like i Lost a piece of myself, like I'm not me at all anymore. So my view stuck on this difference, bit its not the reality. I made It one month ago and my mental state slowly Is recovering, the way i react tò the thoughts change, but their presence doesnt change. I Hope tò make peace with It and accept It but something its like stuck on me, cause It can seem a little thing but strongly belive and feel that It has relevance on my person. Its only about my view of myself that i show consequentially tò the world. Sorry for this block of caos but i trying my best tò be clear. If you have some advice for me or went thru something similar i will replay at all I could not write exately all my feels

Hi, I am trying to research for my first tattoo. I want to get these song lyrics:
I finally think I can say That the vicious cycle was over The moment you smiled at me
And just like the rain You cast the dust into nothing And wash out the salt from my hands
I want it to be as small as possible but without blowing out in a few years. Realistically if I were to choose a script font, how big would this need to be?

Hello World - So I wrote a letter to the person that led me into SCJ. Totally forgot the word they used for this and that is so exciting!!! I love forgetting them! Please don't tell me. Anyways, I had known her my whole life and a lot of shitty things went down when I left and lately I had just been getting a haunting sense of injustice towards the whole story and I needed to write out how I was feeling. Turns out, it was really cathartic. It helped me immensely. I know that there must be so many people out there who have been wronged by SCJ and have left the cult with their lives in tatters and so I wrote this for you too. You are treasure! You're worthy of new love and friendship. You’re a shining star too, damn it! Just thought someone should remind you.
Love,
Steorra
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
To Whom It May Concern,
For three years now, I’ve never felt the need to remember anything from the era of you. It surely wasn’t easy to move on from you, but I did it. You hadn’t crossed my mind in so long. Then recently, I’ve had these annoying splashes of bitter memories that turn up in my life after all this time. Stirring up, once again the desire for justice that I had to lay down a long time ago. I mean if we could put every moron who wasted our time in prison, mediocrity would cease to be, but ALAS (you always hated that word) you’re still out there. So, I moved on. I had to. That was winning in a way I never knew I needed to learn. Yet, this feeling scratches at the door anew in traumatic mystery. The only thing that’s really changed since rebuilding after you is that I started writing. However, I’ve never written about you.
At the beginning of this story, your words of eloquence secretly dripping with malice and ill-intent, entrapped me into a multi-year mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional jail sentence. Truly, if there was a tangible definition of “love-bombing” it wouldn’ be some romantic affair. It would be you. You preyed upon my fragile heart that was experiencing burn-out after years in ministry. You took that as the perfect opportunity to build up your empire from my ashes. Blaming the church for every hard thing I experienced along the way and providing the comfort and shoulder to cry on that I needed. You manipulated me into doubting my faith, my community, my family and you did it all with your fancy parable studies and promises of a heavenly future.
Well. Maybe if your words got me into this whole mess, maybe words can help me hammer the final nail into this coffin-like story once and for all. In all honesty, my words have been timid, scared, and shaken since you shattered me and left me to pick up the pieces all by myself. But I did it. I picked up every piece and rebuilt it. I rebuilt a life I can be proud of. I don’t have a life of luxury by any means, but I have a new sense of dignity and fight I never knew I could have. Dignity. Now there’s something you’ll never understand, so I’ll just move on.
Since you, everyone on the outside thinks I’m delayed in livelihood. They don’t always say it out loud, but it’s written all over their faces. Even someone like you could see it. They think I’m behind in life because I don’t have a list of things I can post on my facebook marking the monuments of a thriving christian life. But it’s because they don’t know. They are completely unaware that while they were living their lives with minor obstacles, my twenties were a full blown quiet war in constant brainwashing combat. A silent war; still bloody, deadly, filled with casualties and loss that even the strongest of men couldn’t withstand. It shattered the best of fiery faith and struck with deceptions full of the strongest poison earth could offer. And I fought like hell to thrive, then to survive, and then to flee when the walls of my life were burning down all around me. I dragged myself from their smoke, fire, and deception to the edge of the battlefield and overcame it. My flag was left standing, but none of my “friends” were left standing beside me. Not even my “best friend.”
But no war is really over when it’s over. Soldiers who return from combat deal with wounds, scars seen and unseen, trauma, fear, invisible enemies all around them and inside them triggered by the smallest of things in everyday life. If figuratively that was the war and I was the last soldier standing, I returned home to a world that was completely contaminated by your warfare. I can’t listen to my favorite song anymore, because it makes me think of you and the nights sitting on the floor of my kitchen bruising my arms and soaking the night with sorrow I didn’t know my body could hold. Wondering where my friend had gone.
Since you, victory wasn’t immediate. I lost everything in the war. Just as you intended. Family, community, romance, purpose, and childhood. I bet that doesn't even keep you up at night. You would need a conscience for that. You have known me since I was three. You had the trust that only a lifetime could grow. Looking back now, that was really the only way I was ever going to join your backyard cult. Following someone I loved. I’ve come to believe from this experience that childhood betrayal is the worst kind of betrayal. You see, you took all of my youth and you don’t even care. The thought that I could have had an upbringing without you and all the heartbreak you caused makes me so angry because I want that SO BADLY. Instead I live in the aftermath of the nightmare that was you. Haunting the nostalgia of my life with every detail that led up to being sacrificed on the altar you helped them construct. They turned me into a warning and a lesson against “rebellion.” But you basically authored the whole story until I was a lifetime of being the victim in a tragic tale I can’t rewind. You are my wild regret in life.
So that was a little taste, but here’s what I truly think of you after hurting me for all those years. I hope you make it to the top of this ladder you’re climbing. I hope you reach all the glory you wanted. You left every dream you had and everyone in your life behind to do it, so I hope you get it. I hope they praise your name, give you an office, a title, a class, a spouse, a child, all the fruit your heart could desire. At the top of your dream when you least expect it, I hope someone kicks that ladder out from underneath you and lets you dangle in an endless uncertainty until you finally plummet into the deepest darkest loss you’ve ever known. Just like you did to me.
I hope you get 10x as far as I did…. before they betray you and leave you out in the cold without an apology or a bit of credit in your direction. I hope no one helps you heal and you have to do it all alone. I hope you start hurting yourself because you have no where to place the blame but on your own head. I hope you question your own intelligence and wonder where it all went wrong. I hope you sob on your kitchen floor. I hope they come to your door and ask you “what’s wrong?” like they have no idea why you could have slipped into these wildly uncalled for emotions. I hope they blame it on your humanity and gas light every desire you have to be seen and heard. Just like you did to me.
…and I hope everyone forgets you. Just like you did me.
Long after you’ve healed and moved on. I hope a figurative Mt. Vesuvius blankets that backyard cult you loved in an unrecognizable layer of ash and poisonous gas and fades out from existence of this world. It’ll seep through bars of the earth into Hades forever condemned and forgotten. Just like you….and just like you did to me.
Anyways. *Takes deep breath.* I live by the water now. It’s really peaceful. There’s no running, no toiling, no drama, no noise. It’s the kind of quiet you said we’d never have until it all ended, but here it is. I like to write here. I have a dog. He’s a good friend. You could learn a lot from him. He’s really loyal and he never eats his own vomit.
I see God in every wave, tree, and animal here. A beautiful reminder that not everything we were reading was false. Just all the parts they made up and exploited vulnerable people with.
There is a part of me that knows there’s a truth underneath this story that I haven’t mentioned yet. A piece that would give you some credit. It’s true, I would not be as strong as I am today without you in my story. I would not be as thoughtful. Careful. Hard working. Discerning. Hell, I wouldn’t have started writing. I now write stories of hope. True friendship. Redemption. Gratefulness. Don’t worry, you’ll never be making a cameo in any of my work unless I need a back-stabbing-20-something-bitch who drives a janky Honda around the suburbs and can’t afford her $6 cup of trendy coffee. It’s funny to think you all think the great betrayer is Mr. Oh. Oh no, it’s you, you crusty bitch, and I wouldn’t be paranoid of people taking advantage of me without you. I would still be naive, innocent, childlike, and hopelessly good-hearted.
So while you were trying to tear down my life and steal my happiness, I’ve rebuilt parts of me that are now unshakable. I’ve found a purpose that brings me pure joy. I help people. I spend time with my family. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You gave me the fight inside of me to get here. I’m unstoppable now. I don’t laugh as much as I used to, but I’m working on that. I’ll get there. Don’t worry. You can’t have that either, sorry.
Let’s talk about your “group” for a minute. I played by their impossible rules because they promised endless paradise, but the gods of your backyard cult were so weak. They're all just narcissists that like to hear themselves talk, but the voices of basement dwellers and secret keepers aren’t noble. They’re scared of losing their precious power and they were just wrong. At the end of the day, they were just dumb kids who followed wolves into pastures to lose the uniqueness God created for them.
Foundationally, there’s no point to a heaven that isolates, shuns, and abandons. No one wants your mascot-serving gospel. The heaven they showed us was black and white. We were never supposed to be contained within perfect lines and marketed by race. We were supposed to walk with God in the Garden of Eden in the beautiful mystery of wild creation. I hope heaven is a kaleidoscope of color, people, and joy and absolutely nothing like the one you tried to film and show us all.
By the way, I only teach elementary math here, but I’m pretty sure your numbers are wrong, but hey! What do I know? I’m just a “star that fell from heaven!” Thank goodness too. After I “fell,” I learned to shine without you. I did it all by myself and I might not be in the sky anymore, but I’m pretty beautiful walking around all these earthlings if I do say so myself. A couple of scars here and there, but you don’t get any of the profits of this light, this strength, and this peace. I earned that and I protect it pretty “religiously.”
To your group, I was a lost cause to their superior cause. Too fucked in the head to be helped. My human anxiety was just too big for their god. Turns out that big anxiety saved my life. Also, it turns out their god was really small because my God met me with huge, sovereign arms and prodigal joy when I finally returned home. Truth is, Calvary says I’m not hard to love, but treasure just wasn't made for everybody.
Now, I’m about to turn 30 in a few days and I’ve been reminiscing about all the childhood memories tainted by your presence, so I decided to make new ones. I’m going to WASTE a whole day riding roller coasters for my birthday. Watch the movies and listen to the music you never approved of. Wear cheetah print converse. Get a tattoo?? Dye my hair an UNNATURAL color?? Wear earrings everywhere!! Drink my wine in public. You know. Go TOTALLY crazy. Try to be young again. For me. For kid me.
So thank you. I’m here because of you and I’m going to have so many more days and memories without you that I look forward to. I will never take that for granted. Like you did me. Cuz I'm a shining star, bitch!
Love,
Your Shining Star ✨

[ATTENTION: Brief loredrop/worldbuilding incoming. Pls don't get bored yet o.o]
Novany,
born from the ashes of war was a country of exponential growth and promising prosperity.
But 25 years ago from now, upon the assassination of it's 5th generation leader, it was thrown into utter chaos and mayhem. Neighboring countries, which were once old enemies, had formed a temporary alliance and together they took advantage of this disorder to raise the divide amongst Novany's people, hoping to conquer them in a joint skirmish.
However. Despite being divided and with no leader to listen to, the people still fought back. Not as one, but as an avalanche of fire that would consume those that dare come close to it.
After 3 years of combat and with no perceivable progress coming from it, the two nations forfeited their original endeavor and extracted their forces. Many expected peace to find this country once more. Unfortunately with no foreign threats to battle, many of Novany's people brought the fight to their own. Gangs and clans emerged, each vying for their privilege and territory in this war torn country.
It had become a strife zone. A devilish place where anarchy was ironically the rule.
Death had become a common open display. The smell of decay and throat scratching smoke was considered normal. It was the scent of violence that the people had grown familiar with. It wasn't rare to find someone dead if one traversed one too many corners.
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As one of Novany's residents, you too had grown slightly cold to the violence that raged outside your headquarters, granting you the ability to ignore whatever went on outside for at least a couple of hours. Enough time to engross yourself in an intense game of Uno with your gangmates. And just as you were about to throw your last card into the pile and declare yourself Uno's unconditional victor and hero, the doors swung open with one of your subordinates falling to his knees, visibly out of breath as he knelt there gasping before he looked to you and everyone present.
"We've got bad news! The leaders of Equinox are outside!"
Obviously you still had to throw in your card, because you were simply born a winner. But this did sound really bad. Equinox was one of Novany's stronger syndicates. You donned your jacket and headed outside. First the warm air greeted you. There it was, the scent of violence. And before you, in the distance, stood its harbingers.
The leaders in question were a duo of two men. Both relatively tall. One was a wall of muscle, donning a grey tanktop, covered in scars. He had dark, messy hair. Short at the front, but a long rat tail at the back. He looked almost creepy with the wide grin he wore and with his wide, open eyes, surrounded by dark rings. The other man wore a leather jacket, His face tattooed in a way that would make his visage seem similar to a skull. If this was literally anywhere else, you'd assume he was some rogue rockstar. He wasn't smiling. His demeanor was more nonchalant.
"Are you the leader?" Mr. Leather Jacket would ask. You responded with, "Yes."
"We'd like your turf. And if possible you and your members too."
"And I'm guessing we won't have a voice in your syndicate if we join?"
"Nope."
"Then over my dead body."
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Thanks for reading the brief introduction! As you've probably gathered, this story is going to be about a lot of fighting, gang stuff and surprisingly about a good amount of drama as well. If this sounds like it could be your cup of tea, feel free to send me a DM >:]
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Partner Requirements:

• fairly literate
  
• don't mind waiting a bit for responses (It is really bad timing. I know. But I've got exams coming up so I fear I won't be as active as I wish I'd be at the start. So yeh. It is what it is)