Me without you sayings

Hi all,
Over the past month I’ve (M22) been intimately seeing this girl (F21). She’s in my college course and I’ve been friends with her since the start of February.
She came on to me heavily when she learned that I became single 2 months ago, and we let it develop slowly into something I’m really enjoying. She’s hilarious, beautiful, and she makes me work for her attention. But - sometimes I feel like it’s too much.
When we see each other (outside of classes etc.), it’s always down to me asking her over to my place, or out to dinner, or to the pub etc. She will always happily oblige even when I say “hey, we can rearrange if you’d like”, and we go on to have a great time. But it’s always me. I even had to invite myself to a movie with her that she wanted to see - and she fully admitted that she mentioned it to get me on board. She won’t ask me to do anything herself!
Additionally , in bed, and in general, the affection I give often feels unreturned. After intimacy, I’ll often “dote” on her, giving her little kisses around her head/body etc and holding her hands. I know she enjoys this (I stopped one night cause I was sleepy and she asked me to do it again), however she never really returns it.
It just feels so one-sided, and I’m not desperate, you know? I can do without it, it’s very early days, but it does still hurt cause I think she’s great. I want her to communicate how she truly feels about me cause at the same time I make her laugh and I can see in her mannerisms that she’s into me. Whenever I pay her compliments, I just get a “thank you” in response, just feels like I’m talking to a brick wall in that regard. It’s like she doesn’t know how to give affection for someone.
I understand that I’ve only been seeing her for a little while - but we’ve both made it clear that we’re not looking for something short. I guess internally I don’t hold my cards close to my chest - maybe I should a little more?
I dunno. Thanks for reading :)
TL;DR: I’ve been giving one-sided affection to a girl that I know is in to me. I’m struggling with the fact that she might not know how to give affection because I really like her

a list of things my mother has done. mostly a vent and tramadump

• thought i was faking being sick (tested positive for the flu that week)
• thought i was faking being transgender (have been on testosterone for five years with zero thoughts of detransing)
• told me my suicide attempt was "for attention" (my father died that year and i was being assaulted at school)
• told my boyfriend that i faked migraines (i never said they were migraines at all...)
• says her children are "too perfect" to have mental illnesses (see suicide attempt above, her first child is a heroin addict with PTSD and her other two children have extreme anxiety disorders)
• tells me i'm "too smart" to have autism (when the traits are easily identifiable and present. not to mention that plenty of autistic men and women are intelligent and having autism ≠ not smart)

whenever i began to cry as a child, she screamed. when i tried to argue in defense of myself, she put her hands on me. if i ever felt sick, tired, or upset, she would roll her eyes and "oh, whatever" me. i don't have meth to keep me working like a steamroller all day! i'm just a teenager.
all of her children have been beaten or sexually assaulted by men that she chose to date. she is a raging meth user and a POS, so i know i shouldn't take her insults to heart, but i feel so fucked up from the things my parents have done to me that i don't believe i will ever recover.
no relationship i have in my lifetime will ever feel whole or stable because of her. i'll never be able to hold down a job. i have no one to teach me to drive, or any other adult things. in fact, SHE made me do her taxes FOR her, then screamed and cried about the possibility of owing the government. my trauma response has been "fight" for so long, and when it stopped working, it became freeze.
i am always walking on eggshells. without a steady job or license, it feels like i will never move out, never escape her. i think sometimes that i should have died in 2018 when i attempted.
if i do dishes nine times a week, but the sink is full for two minutes, i'm lazy. if i sleep in an extra three hours, i'm basically worthless. if i haven't taken out the trash, the world is crashing and burning and she is on the verge of death and crying. if something goes wrong with the self-checkout at walmart, she is throwing groceries and jerking her head around like a fucking lunatic while screaming about every little thing that bothers her. it really makes me want to rip my nails off. she likely acts this way from the meth abuse, but my sisters recall her being overdramatic as early as the 1990s.
illness or weakness of ANY kind disgusts her. it's like she's projecting her hatred of herself onto me. when i was skinny and she was overweight, she rarely spoke about it. i suspect she was envious. now that she never eats and can fit into child's size clothing, my weight has ballooned from anti-anxiety medicines and repeated work injuries. she loves to point out that my clothes no longer fit, or that my face is getting puffier. it upset me-- i tried to brush it off as her being old-- but then i imagined a friend saying it to me, and it put everything into perspective.
i do feel like an idiot for ever expressing myself towards her, for crying on her bed and begging for comfort when i was truly anxious and devastated, or for asking her opinion on literally anything. comfort is never given, and her opinions waver on what will most benefit her in the moment, not what will help ME.
one last thing; she was nearly kicked out of the behavioral center i was admitted to for screaming in my face during visitation. feels like a little cherry on top.
i'm not sure what type of narcissism this is, if any. drop your thoughts below if you want, and times your parents have been in denial of things that happen to you.

Let me start of by saying that I am not shifting blame, I know I am in the wrong in this situation even if my intentions were good.
Sorry for the long post as well!!!
I don't know if it is of any importance, but I am Western European, and my girlfriend is Chinese. We are currently studying in Australia and have been together for 5,5 months living together for 2 and a half months. I know we moved in together fast, but it felt right!
My girlfriend started her second placements (kind of internship) on Monday. Throughout her previous placements, I always made lunch for her, even if I wasn't gonna be home at that time, I always made sure to cook in advance and leave it in the oven (low temperature) to keep it warm or on a plate that's easily reheatable. It's also important that she does her placements close to where we live.
For context, every Tuesday (when possible), I meet some old ladies (basically my adopted grandma's at this point) for tea from 10 to 12. These ladies helped me through an emotional time when my ex broke up with me a week after I returned to Australia (I did an internship in Australia before I moved here for studies) while we still had a 5-month lease on a one-bedroom apartment. So, needless to say, it wasn't a fun period, and these grandmas were a nice escape from the hard situation. Once I came to terms with my feelings and the situation, I just kept going for the Tuesday tea since I enjoyed it and I knew they enjoyed having me around.
This morning (Tuesday morning), we woke up together. I do this cause I want to see her off and give her a bye bye kiss. My gf never knows exactly when she is gonna be given her lunch break. She told me that it would be sometime between 12 and 1. She also asked if she needed to take the key, to which I said no since I would be back in time.
Part of her morning routine is making a late. But this morning the milk had gone bad. She told me she'd have a coffee at noon (by which I understood lunchtime) and asked me to grab milk to which I agreed.
Then I had my online class which is from 9 to 10 after which I proceed to the car to drive to the place the grandma's and I meet. Just before I leave, she asks me if I can buy her a clipboard since she needs it at her placements, to which I agree again.
I stay with the grandma's until 11.30 after which I proceed to drive to the suburb in which we live. I sent her a message that I was about to leave. Then I drove to the store to buy a clipboard, I didn't know if she wanted one with a protective flap, so I bought her one with and without a flap. It's about 11.53 when I get back to the car, after which I message her that I'm on my way to the grocery store to buy milk.
I park, get the milk, and get back to the car, at this point it's 12,09 and I message her that I'm on my way home. I get home at around 12.15 (I think, I didn't send her a message when I got home.)
As you probably already see coming, my girlfriend was in the living room, eating instant noodles. When I first got to the front door, I thought "good, I made it back in time" because she never messaged me saying she was on her lunch break and she wasn't waiting out front because the door was locked and she had no key.
But my gf ended up taking the key (I think she told me she did this accidentally), luckily because if not she'd had to wait a couple of minutes for me to get home.
I was never far away from home, but because I went to buy milk, I was late and she arrived before me, and there was not enough time to cook before she had to go back. If only I would have either left the grandma's sooner, or just decided that I'd go buy the clipboard and milk in the afternoon.
But alas, seems like I am a total dumbass.
I tried to talk with her but she completely ignored me. She went back to her placements and got back home later that day. I tried to talk with her but she was still giving me the cold shoulder. I apologised multiple times, but she still refused to look in my direction.
Eventually, I told her that this was also not nice for me, that I knew I made a mistake and that I was willing to make up for it. She didn't take this well and told me that "we should just break up then if she's not nice to me". After which, she decided to move some of her stuff to the guest bedroom, where I assume she'll sleep tonight.
I tried to talk with her again by going into her room when she left the door open. First, she ignored me again, then she said, "You're right, it's me who's the not nice one, it's me who's being ridiculous (which I never said, the only time I called her ridiculous was when we had an argument about 3 months ago which I still think was a bit of a ridiculous argument)". She acknowledged that I had apologised but said that that doesn't magically make things better.
She's right on that I suppose, and at that point I didn't know what to say anymore. I asked her if she was sure that she wanted to sleep in the bedroom, to which she said yes. So I went to grab the thick blanket from our bedroom and swapped it with the thinner one in the guest bedroom cause I know she feels colder at night than me.
I don't really know what to do or how to make it better. I love this girl to bits, I think she's the one. I know I can't just snap my fingers and make it better, and understand that I am to blame since I should have just been home by 12 to cook, but I just wished she'd messaged me saying she was on her way home, then this whole situation could have been avoided. BUT AGAIN, it's me who should have made sure that I was home by 12.
Would anyone be able to offer some advice on how to make it up to her or how to apologise again?
I'll definitely always be home for lunch now if she doesn't decide to break up with me. I guess I royally screwed up this time.
TL;DR: My [25M] girlfriend [26F] is angry at me and ignoring me since I wasn't home in time to let her in or cook lunch for her while she is doing her placements, luckily she had a key with her. I apologised but she's still angry (understandably so). I don't know if I will get an opportunity to make it up to her since she doesn't want anything to do with me. Any advice?

Hey ... So I might sound crazy But I have always !! Like always !! Felt as if someone is watching me Like I'm being recorded 24/7 Like I'm in some sort of a trueman show and I'm the protagonist And I have a lot of experience which led me to believe this But ... idk Im 99% sure that I'm just having an existential crisis (or I have schizophrenia 💀) And I can't even say this without sounding crazy But ever since I was little, since I gained consciousness Reality ... has always felt a bit distorted to me This place doesn't feel like home It seems like I don't belong here I've also had pretty weird experiences with visiting parallel universes during lucid dreaming Does this ever happen to you guys as well.?

(Repost from HousingUK)
TLDR: I own a share if freehold flat and the other freeholder lives abroad, is incapacitated and has no next of kin, just a legal representative appointed by a government organisation in the country she lives in. I need to sell my flat and extend the lease but two years in I have got nowhere in getting the deeds signed. What can I do?
Hi Housing UK readers,
I wanted to see if you had any fresh ideas on how to approach this situation I find myself in.
I purchased a flat in 2011. The flat is one of two in a Victorian conversion. Both flats are self-contained.
I am the sole registered leasehold proprietor of flat B and have been living in the flat since 2011.
Miss X is the sole registered leasehold proprietor of flat A, and has owned the flat since 2001. The flat is being rented as Miss X retired abroad in 2006.
Miss X and I also both own a share of the freehold, which is split 50/50.
I’m in contact with Miss X for a few years after I buy, but all admin relating to building management is dealt with by her estate agents and she defers any discussions to them.
Fast forward to September 2022. I need to sell my flat as I want to move to a different city, and have some debt I need to pay off. The flat is listed for sale in late October 2022.
There are 84 years left on the lease for both myself and Miss X. I reach out to Miss X to inform her of my plans and that I will need her signature for the various deeds, and that we should extend the lease. The email bounces back and her phone line is disconnected.
I contact the estate agents who manage flat A. They have also not heard from Miss X for a while, I can tell they know more, but they are unwilling to share any details. In a tactical move, I list my flat for sale with them too, to try and get their help with Miss X (a whole other hilarious side story). I am repeatedly assured by them that the situation with Miss X will not hinder the sale of the flat (a huge lie).
March 2023 I finally find some buyers (with another agent) and start the conveyancing process, including extending the lease and transferring the freehold.
May 2023. After chasing Miss X’s estate agents for weeks, I discover that Miss X is now incapacitated and hospitalised with dementia. Miss X has no partner or children, no next of kin and no legal representation in the UK. She is under the care of a government agency in the European country she resides in. A lawyer employed by the agency, let’s call him SP, has been appointed as her legal representative and is in contact with the UK estate agents. SP sends documents to verify his status to the agents, who confirm legitimacy via their lawyers. SP is very hard to reach, rarely answers emails or his phone.
I find a solicitor specialised in property law to help me navigate this situation. As Miss X is not deemed “absent”, the solicitor suggests that it’s best to try and resolve this with the appointed legal representative (SP), as any other legal routes available for absentee freeholders through UK courts wouldn’t apply (as we know where Miss X is). I explain the situation to SP, he talks to a judge and informs me he lacks capacity to make decisions about the leasehold and freehold matters without court / judicial approval in his country.
SP also asks for help with gaining access to Miss X’s UK bank account. All rental income from her flat in the UK is being transferred to a UK bank account via the estate agents. I share information on obtaining power of attorney in the UK and suggest it would be best to appoint a lawyer in the UK to help with all matters.
November 2023. After several months of backwards and forwards with SP to try and find out exactly what legal documents the judge wants to see in court, under his guidance my solicitor produces papers, documents and evidence, we get them translated, postilled and posted. SP is confident the judge will be happy and grant permission for signatures.
The documents make it clear that the authority being sought for SP to sign the leasehold extension and transfer of freehold are in no way prejudicial to Miss X and in fact extending the lease would add value to her property should she decide to sell in future.
A court date is set 3 months later. Sigh. More waiting.
I lose my buyers (understandably).
February 2024. The court date arrives. The judge rejects the request for permission for SP to sign papers on behalf of Miss X. It’s not fully clear why this is rejected. After speaking to SP it seems that the judge now wants SP to obtain access to Miss X’s bank account before moving forward. I am surprised that no progress has been made with that.
I go back to my solicitor. Now that we can show that steps have been taken to locate Miss X and get the deeds signed by her legal deputy without recourse, they suggest that we can apply to court in the UK to have another trustee appointed to sign the transfer and deed, and suggests appointing counsel to make the application to UK courts, which should be “run of the mill”. We choose a barrister, the situation is explained, documents shared, and I’m given a 3 week timeframe for papers to be produced for court.
In the meantime we connect SP to a solicitor in the UK who can help with obtaining PoA, as no progress has been made with that yet.
A few days later the barrister gets in touch, more bad news.
Under TLATA, there would be a breach of trust if all required consent from the current trustees was not obtained, so it is not sufficient to just add another trustee, Miss X would need to be replaced as outlined in the Trustee Act 36(1). However under the Trustee Act 36(9), where a trustee lacks the ability to perform their function, no new trustee can be appointed without consent from the Court of Protection. I am informed that making this application to the CoP is lengthy, costly and risky. The barrister says it would be faster and safer to wait for SP to obtain the relevant permissions.
We reach out to SP again to see what progress has been made. None. Some documents need to be translated and he is unwilling to pay for the translations (it seems their organisation has no money). We offer to pay now and be reimbursed once access to Miss X’s money is granted.
We are now almost half way through 2024 and coming up to 2 years into this situation.
Is it really possible that legally these are my only two options?

• going to the UK courts at great expense in a process that has been called “risky and lengthy” by the barrister.
• Waiting for SP to sort out PoA with no guarantee that the judge will even grant permission for the deeds to be signed (again risky and lengthy)

I know I can try and sell my flat without the share if freehold and with a short lease, but this will affect its value and the short lease especially will be a problem with mortgage applications.
Any different ideas on how to approach this? Seems so absurd that currently I can’t sell something that is mine, due to a situation I didn’t create!
There are many more twists and turns to this story but I have left them out as this is long enough. Also I do not have a legal background or am a housing expert so apologies if some of the language I use is incorrect.
Thanks for reading!

Hi. I am a 29 F that just broke up with my 38 M narcissistic boyfriend of 6 years (on and off) back in February, he moved out March. I’ve been going to therapy since then and we established that I should be single for at least a year so I can properly grieve each holiday, birthday, vacation without them and know how to be alone. I think that’s a great idea but it’s hard cuz I’m considered to be conventionally attractive and men are always trying to date me. Even if I say I am not interested. I’ve always had a boyfriend, ever since I was 15, I was never single, because men always wanted to date me and I always jumped into relationships without getting to know them first. So it’s safe to say, I haven’t had the best romantic relationships. I get a lot of attention and although the men love it at first (all these guys want her but she’s with me), they eventually grow jealous, don’t trust me, and it ends up being very toxic and they try to change who I am.
With that being said, I am focused on myself and learning how to be by myself. My goal for my future partner would be someone who is genuinely my friend. Someone who isn’t trying to have sexual relations with me I don’t know how realistic that is but, every guy “friend” I’ve had later confessed how they liked me and when I expressed I didn’t feel the same way they stopped being my friend. So I’m hoping to genuinely be friends with a man and we somehow fall in love? Anyways, I met a man through a Facebook group I’m in. I was giving away some unused dancing shoes for men and he came by to pick them up and we have been friends since. He was very sweet and we opened up to each other about our past. He said he hasn’t been single in 6 years, he’s always had a girlfriend and I told him about my toxic 6 year on and off relationship with my ex and we both talked about how I would like to be friends with a man for a long time before dating them cuz I would like to know his personality since I’ve always just jumped into relationships with men I basically didn’t even know. He completely understood… or so I thought.
One day he came over so we can eat tacos and watch black mirror, we normally hang out with other people but this time we were alone. And he tried kissing me… I would avoid it but he literally grabbed my face and we made out but it felt so forced and I did not enjoy it at all. I just wanted him to leave but he overstayed his welcome and I was too nice to ask him to leave. He eventually left and I just felt icky.
The following week he was supposed to take me to the airport. I asked him to come to my place at 6:30 AM. That morning, I was running late, I probably would have been ready by 6:45 MAX. He shows up at 6:10 AM knocking at my door. I didn’t answer the door cuz I’m literally running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything together for my flight. I’m frustrated cuz 1. He is supposed to pick me up. I never said he could come inside. Pick me up to me means that you literally pull up and wait for me to come outside when you tell me you are outside. 2. He showed up so early!! I would have felt bad if he showed up at 6:30 but he showed up at 6:10 and I felt super rushed. Not only that but he kept trying to open my door. So I told him to go wait in his car. I never invited him in and I didn’t want him in my home watching me run around like a mad woman. This just completely turned me off.
He’s been messaging me and tryin to hang out but I’ve just been coming up with excuses. AITA? Am I over reacting?

HIIIII!!! I 21F overthink alot and I was wondering if anyone who is Japanese or have been to japan could look at my virgo moon overthinking and see if I was being delulu or if this waiter was flirting with me and if I should try to pursue it. This all took place in a Japanese bar. B-31M Bartender (European) T- 20M Waiter boy in question (Japanese) K-ME (Wasian) first when we got there the first time. He gave me drink recommendations.gave me a phone charger bank without me asking cause he noticed I needed one. Was the one to set up my birthday stuff, and also asked me my name and when said it in Japanese went “really? That’s cute” he kept checking on me and then gave me another recommendation without me asking. And made the drink himself and gave it to me. he kept coming to talk to me about his time working at usj and then took our picture. he took a shot with me and taught me how to say cheers in the “young adult way”when I was given birthday stuff he was the one to come up to me and tell me to sit. I look over and he is standing behind me with both his arms fully up and going crazy. he also gave me water immediately after our shot together he then ran to me when he thought we were leaving even though it was sooooo busy. he ran to the elevator to say goodbye to us. The elevator is outside the bar and he left his post to come say bye. Next day. When I enter he immediately smiles and goes “K!!” And then brushes his hair back so it’s pushed back. Then I sit at the bar , not the tables and he finds every reason to come up to me and try to talk to me. (His post is the tables not the bar) He gets a coaster from right next to me when he could’ve just gone to the other side of the bar to get it or somewhere else. He gives me a recommendation again and leans super close.Friend noticed he kept trying to get into my line of sight and talk to me. I was sitting near the close area of the servers and everytime he came over to check the orders he would glance at me and see me and try to talk to me. He told me his favorite drink and tried super hard to talk in English. He told me when he was getting off and wanted to take a shot with me got me water without me asking cause he remembered I didn’t like the shot. He said goodbye when he was leaving to just me when he talked to us he only talked and looked at me. He coughed and I went you ok? In Japanese and he looked over and smiled and went yes yes don’t worry .He gave just me his instagram and immediately after work liked my story. When talking about the servers to B he would come over and try to join the convo.We asked B ages of everyone and even though it was busy T came over and suddenly asked us ages. He asked friend one and went ok ok.. skipped my next friend and went “K ???” And I went Oh “21” he was so excited and said “03”??? And I said yes and he was admit that we should be friends because we were the same age. (My other friends were all 03 as well) Asked us what we did and kept wanting to see my pictures of me in my kimono. He kept coming over to the bar and asking B about us.The kicker is that B told us once T was getting ready to leave, “Do with this information what you will, but T has a girlfriend…” I am confused as to why B told me the T has a girlfreind as wouldn’t he tell me that beforehand or did he only tell me after?

Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to the people actually saying over the course of the 2 hour long episode and to what was being discussed. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

SORRY IT'S LONG I JUST HAVE TO VENT
I moved into this share house 6 months ago, Alex moved in two days after me.
Our other two housemates have lived here for over a year and are barely home, they don't do much around the house but they also aren't the ones making the mess. Even though they are barely ever here they still buy replacements for things we all use and take out the trash and tidy up after themselves. They are very low maintenance and respectful.
Alex doesn't do a single thing to contribute to the house. He piles dishes on the drying rack until every single pot, pan and bowl we own is out on the bench, uses the communal items but has never replaced a single thing, brings rubbish down from his room and stuffs it into the already overfull kitchen bin, never takes it out. He has never picked up after himself or cleaned a mess he makes. He doesn't wash his hands, ever. Leaves pools of water over the kitchen after doing dishes and the bathroom is basically flooded after he showers.
Usually I will just sort of move his mess out of my way as best I can and don't clean up after him. I'll make a pile of the food he leaves in the sink (often raw chicken) on the side of the bench. One time I finished the dish liquid, there were three more bottles under the sink and I didn't get a new one out. Alex piled up his dirty dishes on the side of the bench for 8 days because he didn't look under the sink or just go buy more. He uses the kitchen 2-3 times every single day. We also have a dishwasher he could have used...
I can't tell if he knows what he's doing, I think he just doesn't care but he also hates being called out and he gets upset and seems guilty/embarrassed about his behaviour?? He is very sensitive and acts like's a child. It's clear he never realised how much his parents did for him around the house and just thinks nothing is ever dirty and there's an endless supply of toilet paper and cleaning products but isn't aware of the fact that someone has to be cleaning and buying those things. I don't know if he's lived out of home before, I've asked but never got a yes or no.
Yesterday I sent a message to the group chat. I gave a couple of examples in areas where "we" could improve, literally all of them were purely about Alex but I didn't specify that it was him. Alex was immediately defensive and replied how I expected.
He said it's not fair that he has to buy communal things when other people use more of it. He will buy and use his own things from now on. Even if he does do that, this entire time he's been using the communal stuff. One of the housemates said why don't we just all contribute a small amount each month and she will be responsible for buying everything. Alex said no. Instead of just starting to contribute he gets angry and always reacts with something along the lines of "fine! since you all hate me, i'll just buy my own stuff!" or "it's not my fault there's lint in the dryer tray". I pointed out that the rest of us also make mess but we just clean up after ourselves, he doesn't believe me and says I'm just blaming him.
He also started to talk about bills (they are split evenly) and said it's not fair that certain people use more than others but we all pay for it. I said there will be things you use more than us, he is usually up all night so has the lights on when the rest of us don't. He takes very long showers, he is here 7 days a week when the other housemates are only here a couple days. He didn't reply to anything I said and just kept going on about how it isn't fair and he will just stay in his room from now on to "not cause problems".
He also is quite strange around the house, he doesn't know where certain things go or how to use appliances but instead of asking somebody, or googling it, or just LOOKING for it he will just leave it. He is not proactive at all. One time I was rearranging things in the linen cupboard to make room so I could use a shelf, it was all old crap that past housemates have left here, I knew that because I asked our other housemates about it. He walked past and said "I didn't know we were allowed to do that"...bro its your house too! He clearly wants to use things but just doesn't fucking ask or take initiative and do it himself. He has never messaged the group chat to ask about anything, he will just suffer if he can't find something he needs which is just stupid.
I'm so tired, I hate having to keep my things in my room. I want to live somewhere that isn't disgusting with rotting vegetables and mouldy open cans of sour cream in the fridge, to be able to walk around bare foot without stepping in food and slipping in pools of water, to be able to touch door handles and light switches without thinking about the fact that my housemate doesn't wash his hands after he shits. Anything you say he has a very dramatic reaction and a defence waiting. I'm currently saving but don't have enough to move out yet. Why are people like this? He just makes everything so hard. I can never decide between living in a clean space and doing most things myself, or letting everything rot and hoping that other people will pick up the slack even though I know they probably never will.

Not sure this counts as a horror story, but my friends think I should post this, so here it is. It all took place years ago so my memory isn't the best, but I did document some events or was so grossed out I will never be able to forget.
TLTR: DM ignores everyone and gets mad when I tell him no, don't know if I'm the problem or not.
Couple years ago I used to play dnd with a group of online friends. Our first game was classic one. We met in a tavern, showed interest in same quest and teamed up for it and our party agreed to share the loot. I was playing elven bard, DM's girlfriend (I'll call her Stacey) was playing orc barbarian Snak, and since other 4 players never really spoke up or added to this story I won't confuse you with too many details.
Our first few sessions were somewhat fine, ignoring the time a bandit leader made a r*** threat at my character during our very first fight, but on our 3rd session we almost got all killed during a difficult fight we were not ready for. After that the DM decided to introduce his DMPC to the party, a dragonborn fighter. He joined us on the quest and off we went. When we reached the ruins where the item we were supposed to retrieve was, we were faced with an army of orcs and two live statues. Looking back it was likely set up to be show of strength for the DMPC, but in the moment I thought we were all going to die. We were only level 3 and if five cursed bears almost TPK us, no way could we face 20+ orcs and two statues. I was playing horny bard stereotype, something I checked with the whole group and everyone was okay with, so I asked dm if I could roll to seduce a few of them to give the party even a small chance to make it out of here alive. I roll Nat 20 and the dm tells me I seduce the whole army, which took them out but landed my character pregnant. I was uncomfortable with that, but it made sense in a way so I didn't say anything. I sat out the fight against the remaining statues, which confirmed alone that yes, if the orcs had been involved we would all be dead.
We do our thing, a player includes second character, a warforged fighter. The next couple sessions nothing bad happens rp wise, but I did notice a pattern during combat. Most had taken up second characters, so the party started getting closer and closer to 10 members. I was always last in turn, and the DMPC and his gf were if not first, then second, and when it finally came my turn after 6 other player characters everyone who survived DM and Stacey was already dead. I brought it up with the dm, who promised to boost my Initiative from 2 to 4 to let me get at least bardic inspiration in. He did, and the fights after that I was closer to middle, but come my turn everyone was already dead. No matter the enemies, I got maybe 3 turns after that in total during the whole adventure. He also started ignoring every other character, making the whole quest about Snak. The only relevance anyone else had was my bard being Snak's friend, and DMPC her boyfriend. Everyone else totally ignored. We eventually stop playing that campaign as the dm was now rewriting the story, and started a new one.
The new game was superhero themed and honestly not that bad, the DMPC still being totally overpowered, but at least there were enough enemies to give everyone a turn, even if the DM killed everyone left on his second turn. The only bad thing really was the dm making me play info broker npc without giving me any heads up, or asking me if I was okay playing npcs for him. I would have been if he had asked even an hour in advance instead of right before interaction with said npc. Outside of making his dmpc the offical leader of our hero team, nothing alarming happened, and we retired the campaign 5 sessions in due to unfinished writing.
Next campaign was one shot. I was heavily drunk when the dm asked me to make my character over text and with voice messages I managed to make rogue tabaxi named River who liked to look into peoples pockets. The game took place next day and in serious hangover I didn't feel like changing my character, so I went with it. Except instead of just looking and taking maybe 5 coins or less the dm described how River stole everything the characters had from their coats to last penny of their life savings, and not stopping even when I begged him to, or letting me put the items back. I had to waste my time finding where these characters live to return the items I unwillingly stole. I ended up no longer doing anything in the game, as checking pockets was the only entertainment I had while the DMPC and Stacey's character played the story.
However my last straw came when I decided to set up my first campaign and asked our forever dm to join as player. This was my first time dming and I was reading every rulebook I could find. We were playing on Roll 20 and Marcus (the dm) had bought some additional content and offered to let me use them. I told him "Thanks, but I prefer doing it myself so I can learn everything better. It was still nice of you to offer tho." He got really mad, going on a rant of how I didn't appreciate/like him and how I was basically saying "No, f*** you." I was really confused and spent the whole night trying to apologize and saying I didn't mean that at all. It was a bad night and made me feel awful. We eventually moved past it and started making characters. Another player wanted a bard cobalt whose only weapons were a lute and a dagger. I knew right away his combat would not end well, so to bring him to same level with other characters I let him pick a level 5 spell and he wanted Hold Monster. Still not very useful but at least he was more balanced. Marcus threw a fit, asking what if someone wanted a fighter, what benefits could they get, and so on. Again it took me forever to calm him down and beg him to just trust me on this.
Final straw for me was when came the time to make his character. He wanted Tortle with a shotgun as a weapon. I was worried, because the world the game was set in was close to Lord of the Rings as far as technology went, so gunpowder wasn't invented yet. I asked if the gun could be powered by mana stone or something magical, but he once again got mad and complained I wasn't listening to him. He went on a long rant saying he was afraid of me, I was mean and controlling and so on. We eventually agreed his character was first to invent gunpowder, and since my only issue was gone I was more tan happy to let him have that.
I should have distanced myself from him then and there, but it wasn't until I sent my friends online and irl screenshots of the converstation asking if I was really like that, trying to get a mirror pointed at me, when it finally hit me how toxic this was. All my friends agreed I had done nothing wrong, so maybe it wasn't me who is the problem. This was a pattern, in and out of dnd. I say something with even a hint of rejection, he gets mad, I apologize for an hour, he apologizes and takes the blame, we move on and repeat. I sent him a message saying the campaign was on hold and asking to distance myself from him and saying he could remove me from his server if he wanted to. He got annoyed, but agreed, saying he hoped this would be good for our friendship in the long run. 2 months without contact and he sends me a message, but having realized without him around I had a lot less anxiety, so I ended the friendship and he kicked me from all group servers, dnd included. I'm not close from anyone from that group anymore, but I have heard over half of the members have left because of him, so just maybe I wasn't the problem.
Sorry for the long post and may the dice god bless you with Nat 20 when you need it the most.

i actually cannot remember the last time my mother hasn’t called me for her every need repeatedly in a day. once she’s home from work i’m on duty, whether i was in class, working, or fighting poor mental health battles all day beforehand,,, and i’ve known that favor since i was a child. i sincerely think this only got so bad because for a long time it was just me and her, and basically still is anyway, so she just always expected me to get up and do whatever WHENEVER simply because i’m listening to her.
now though at this point i’m almost 19, just trying to get through school without friction because my personal life is demanding enough. but now i’m beyond the point of losing my head in a normal manner about this.. because why the fuck am i being bothered multiple times a day by someone with fully functioning limbs? mother or not, me offering to get something for you or not-don’t drag it.
we all have enough discernment to know when we’re simply just taking advantage of generosity and someone’s inability to say “no”/ “do it yourself”—especially if we’re in a position like a mom over her kid, no matter the age.
i’m actually so frustrated because, after coming home from 3-4 hour lectures (per class where i’m physically working/standing) and taking shitty, unreliable nyc trains home (the ‘seemingly purposely adding 30 minutes to your hour commute after a horrible day’ type), i will STILL end up finding myself warming up plates of food for her. then while thats heating up to her specific temperature, i gotta do something else for her. right after handing her the plate with a fork and napkin, “can you get me a drink too?” very occasionally remembers to say please at the end.
but don’t let me step in her room after that, it’ll STILL shamelessly be “can you refill my glass”or “can you pass the ice cream?”half an hour could pass after all that, but god forbid her spider senses tingle and i start getting ready to even BREATHE around the person i’m otp with, HERE SHE GO CALLING MY FUCKING NAME YET AGAIN. genuinely every time, the calling me away from my own shit is getting so bad it’s making me look like i can’t even sit longer than 5 seconds. especially if, between her asking something from me, i still have to tend to my own needs—which delays me putting my energy where i want to during MY hard earned leisure time cause i’m backed up doing everything for her and then myself.
her basically beckoning me away from phone calls with friends and romantic interests isn’t even so much embarrassing—it’s just inconvenient, inconsiderate and eats away at my PERSONAL time as an individual to be around people that aren’t her or the other family member i live with. i already do not get peace, nor quiet, living in a living room of a household where the other two people make as much noise as they want to (usually directly in front of me) without any regard to whether or not i could even value silence at that moment for a multitude of actually important reasons.
then if i get annoyed at them visibly ruining my mood or the comfort of my space—by crushing the trash in the trashcan, or leaving yet another dish in the sink with me being able to hear it knowing i’m likely gonna end up washing them—then it’s like I’M being a bitch in their eyes.
i must be fucking losing it guys wtff 😕

Hello
25F, 130lbs, 5’10”, no tobacco, MMJ user, hydrocodone and oxyxodone as needed, cyclobenzaprine, protonix
If you read this thank you so much because I’m absolutely desperate and my doctors are tired of me and I think they think I only want pain meds. I don’t, I just want to feel better. I have a huge stash of emergency oxycodone anyway so I barely even need them for that.
On 12/15 I fell down the stairs and hit the lower of my middle back quite hard. 12/19 I had a LEEP done, 01/06 I came down with extreme urinary issues and between then and now have been back 6 times, seen 4 specialists and have seen my PCP at least ten times for urine samples. I’ve also only been able to attend my full time job for 43 days so far this year and have no more money for copays and if it weren’t for my ADA paperwork, I’d have been fired a long time ago
Over the last two weeks, it’s been taking me up to two hours to produce urine while having a full (and very sore - mostly left side) bladder. This is infuriating. When I do end up finally feeling the need to release, I have less than 3 minutes to get to a restroom before my vision starts going spotty from the bladder pressure pain.
My urologist ordered a cystoscopy, but has been blaming my 3mm kidney stone until I begged for an ultrasound last month of my bladder. Found bladder wall thickening and bladder cyst / possible urachal remnant.
I found out what Cuada equina is today. I learned that it is very very commonly missed. I can barely walk, and at the music festival I went to over the weekend I had to use ADA for just about everything. I look completely normal so I got judged pretty hard, but I do have paperwork. I have been losing weight without much diet change and my back has been killing me as well. I feel so weak. My urine flow is so small compared to what it used to be. I had a period of time where the pain was so bad, I couldn’t feel my clitoris or labia at all so sex was pointless as well, and I thought I’d lose my relationship and be alone forever. They send me to an OB-Oncologist who said not to come back, which is why my urologist finally agreed to check my bladder.
Is it possible that all my issues are related to the cyst and thickening, or could this be cuada equina that was missed on multiple CT’s? I can’t find info on bladder cysts. using retention. When is the appropriate time to go to the hospital? I can barely walk without pain meds. I urinated about 40 times on Saturday, with my usual being 10-20 times, and some days there’s very little pain or urgency at all, but the retention is almost always there to some extent.
It almost feels like the part of my brain that controls my bladder doesn’t work anymore because no matter how hard I tell my bladder to release, it just doesn’t happen sometimes and I can’t get comfortable after that. I’ve slept a total of 4 hours since Saturday morning and I only have one hydrocodone left. Pyridium does NOTHING except for when burning pain presents, and I can’t take NSAIDS until my GI clears me due to extreme gas, constipation and bloating / belching thought to be caused by peptic ulcers. I can’t walk at this point without pain meds, but the ER always releases me with the same DX of cyst and bladder wall thickening and tells me they have no clue what that means. But I’m in so much pain I feel like there has to be something they can do other than give me fluids and monitor me for an hour or two until I can get to my cystoscopy next week.
If you have any advice for me I really appreciate it. I don’t want to die but I feel the only way out of lifelong urinary pain after 6 months now is suicide. The only time suicide doesn’t cross my mind a couple times is when I do end up having to take a pain pill. In March, I had to take oxy every day. I only take them now when I can’t walk because the effects are too strong for me to keep my life in order while taking them every day. But this weekend I have had the most trouble walking, and using the restroom, since all of these issues began.
I can’t afford any more specialists visits after my procedure, so I really wish the ER could do something for me as they’re the only ones who won’t turn me away for not having money at this point. My GI doc actually canceled my appointment because I don’t have $20 and I’ve been putting off another ultrasound because it’s $200 up front. IDK what to do but I’m pretty sure this is how a lot of people end up on fent and heroin - if I had been denied pain meds this far I would have turned to the streets, and that’s coming from someone who has chosen - on their own - to quit most drug related and extracurricular activities to better their life at a young age and is much happier for it.
I can’t even get the ER to catheterize me when I can’t urinate for 6+ hours at a time. What gives? Why won’t they run a different imaging test? They wouldn’t even give me a breath test for h pylori recently and now I’m waiting a month for an appointment I can’t even afford.
TL;DR extreme bladder pain, nobody understands why, extreme difficulty urinating, ER can’t do anything for me and awaiting surgery. Is there anything I can say or do to get proper medical attention or can the ER really not touch your bladder like they say? Is there a way I can convince them to admit me so I could see a urologist before my procedure? My urologist is unavailable until my follow-up and I don’t think the company they work for allows them to Rx narcotics and I’m against taking more than 1 oxycodone a week at this point but so far have been unsuccessful in getting something weaker like hydro or tramadol.

Hello fellow potsies, just wondering if anyone could share experiences of pregnancy & motherhood with POTS.
My partner & I have been trying to conceive since end of last year, and I have struggled each month with a flare up with my period since coming off BC. It’s making me worry that I might struggle more during pregnancy and then once the baby arrives (if we’re lucky to fall pregnant).
My consultant has said women either feel terrible or they feel great in regard to symptoms, or it can fluctuate. If you’ve found symptoms got worse, did you make any other change/anything to help?
If you have given birth, was it a natural birth or c-section? (not sure if there’s a preference for POTS patients?) also how did you get through the night feeds, having to get up? As I find if I need to go for a wee in the night my heart rate is super erratic and takes a good half hour to calm down after I’ve laid down again, and the dizziness is tough.
Sorry, it might seem like these are silly questions - I have tried to talk to my consultant about it but he just says ‘it’s different for everyone’ which doesn’t really help! Pregnancy is a big enough change without adding POTS (among other co-morbidities) to the mix so I’m a bit anxious (but excited!) about the experience, any experiences/advice would be appreciated 🩵

I’ve been living in Gurgaon for a few years now. Had a good circle of friends when I was a teen in high school. But it has been 6 years now since I have graduated from high school. And with COIVD and all. I feel like my social skills have gotten rusty. Currently I’m preparing for an exam which will hopefully in the future get me a high paying job. And due to this, spend most of my time at home. I have been going to the gym for the past few months to work on my physique. And was hoping to join swimming lessons soon. But even at gym and these types of locations it often feels like people aren’t willing to socialise they just want to mind their own business. They appear crude and closed. And any attempt to socialise is shut down or brushed off.
I don’t even use Instagram, Snapchat and other social media apps designed to meet and converse with people since I’ve noticed I spend an exuberant amount of time on them and also seeing other people succeed and get ahead in life (even though it’s only either fake or selected data sharing) gives me insecurity. I feel fine when I’m off these platforms. But these platforms only make my mood worse and mess with my emotions. I can’t seem to control my usage. It’s either 4+ hours or nothing.
Due to a lack of any social media presence for 5 straight years, I’ve lost contact with any and all friends from high school, tuitions and other places.
The only one friend that I currently have who lives in my colony recommended me to get on these apps and download Discord, Bumble as well. And start messaging people over there. Text random people. Since that is how he made his current girlfriend and made dozens of friends from the opposite gender. His strategy was send Hi! to as many strangers as possible on Instagram. And then if anyone replies. Continue the conversation. And if not, then simply unsend the message. It’s a solid strategy I guess for someone who’s Vella and Berozgar and has a baap ka business. I have asked my friend to introduce me to his friends. But he keeps saying, akele nahi. If I also brought another friend. Then he might do it. Which is a valid request.
Is this truly the only method to meet people and make friends nowadays? I guess I can sort of understand how the veil of the Internet hides an individual and prevents them from danger and gives the illusion of safety. Also having a social media profile acts as a filter. Similar to how some corporate chooses individuals based on LinkedIn profiles. A good aesthetic profile passes the filter of many companies.
I guess yeah, how do you guys make new friends in your early to mid 20s? Is it impossible to do so without social media? I feel like my brain is starting to fry by being alone for so long. And I fear the longer I stay like this the worse the my health would get.
PS. I know this sub likes commenting a lot of jokes. But I’d appreciate if the comments only stick to giving genuine helpful advices.

• Note * Not sure if this is the best subreddit for this question. Feel free to suggest others. Also I’m aware how harsh this may sound but I think it’s important to be clear when asking for advice.

I (28 M) find my mom (53 F) to be extremely immature, laughing at some of the most low-brow humour I’ve seen. And not being smart enough to keep up with the jokes my wife and I laugh about. She struggles to do seemingly simple tasks like cleaning up without unintentionally breaking/ruining something. We will be talking and she will ask us what the word we just used means like “elaborate” or “extract”. She doesn’t know what basic vegetables are like kale or Brussels sprouts. She keeps talking about cutting out her bad habits like soda but always ends up replacing it with another sugary thing like peace tea. When we go out to nice restaurants she chooses to wear raggedy house clothes with stains on them. She is increasingly socially oblivious, asking complete strangers what they said, thinking they were talking to her, when they had their back to us and was clearly talking to their people.
In fewer words, I think my mom is white trash.
This frustrates me because I never used to perceive her this way. But I had been apart from her for 10 years and in those 10 years I continued to change and grow and she also had her own life events that I’m sure impacted her personality. But I just can’t tell if she was always like this and I was too naive or ignorant to notice, or if she is just getting older. Keep in mind, she is only 53. I wouldn’t say that is an age where I would start to expect mental decline like this, if that is the case.
She is sort of living with us at the moment, and it has been taxing on my family. We feel like we don’t have any privacy anymore. She makes us uncomfortable a lot with her social obliviousness (staring, invading personal space, etc) and we sometimes find her stupidity to be frustrating. It often feels like “You should know this stuff. Why wouldn’t you know this?”. Such things include; knowing how to properly clean your dishes or your laundry. We are currently at a point where we need to think of her and treat her like someone with special needs. Because in a lot of ways, she is.
She might officially be moving in with us soon and I are kind of dreading it, but she kind of has nowhere else to go. I feel so cheated out of life, having to take care of her at the relatively young age of 53, when I’m just trying to get my life started. We rent, we have a daughter, soon to be a second child, and now bringing my mom in almost feels like we are getting a 3rd child.
Am I crazy, or is 53 really young to be moving in with your (adult) kids. She should be more self sufficient by this point in her life, right? I fear I am about to be cheated out of some really important years where it’s just my family, alone, building memories together. I was always prepared to have her live with us at some point, but this early just feels wrong.
I probably am, but I gotta ask…Am I an asshole here? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this change of perception of my mom, and how to accept who she is now.
TLDR: I think my mom is white trash and I’m struggling to cope with that.

An idea occurred to me! I've never heard anyone propose this, and I think it could explain a lot of things that don't make sense about Asha's case.
What if the night she disappeared, Asha consumed some alcohol that was in the house? It would explain:
-Her lowered inhibitions, increased impulsivity to leave the house -Her ability to comfortably walk in the cold without a jacket (alcohol temporarily raises body temperature) -The perception that her parents are hiding something or making vague/contradictory statements over the years: they feel ashamed and guilty but are not directly responsible for her leaving -The FBI's insistence that Asha left the house of her own accord and that her parents are not directly responsible for her disappearance
Of course, I'm not saying that Asha was a nine-year old drunk. Maybe Asha heard her older cousins at the sleepover talking about alcohol or even saw them taking a few sips surreptitiously, and that is what sparked the idea for her to try. Or it was a dare.
Or maybe Harold picked up a pack of beers along with candy when he went out to the store that night.
Maybe the sound and bright lights of the trucks jolted her awake/more aware. Or when the alcohol started wearing off, she sought shelter in the Turner shed.
What do you think?

Hello everyone,
my english isn't that good but I hope you'll understand.
I never wanted to make this kind of post but after this morning I think I really need an opinion from people who don't know us.
So, we've been together for almost 2 years. When I first got to know him he was already studying (I think 1-2 years in) and smoking weed. A lot. I didn't mind because I was smoking, too.
Here is what bothers me the most: when he didn't pass an exam he always said "I've got 2 more tries on this one" or he would even move some exams into the future. I can understand that the stress studying puts you in can be heavy and moving exams into the future or not always passing them on the first try isn't that bad. I really understand. The problem is that when I got to know him (2 years ago) he said he will be finished in 2 years (so this year). But that isn't the case. He is passing his exams but not everyone.
The case is that he somehow mixed something up or missed something, honestly I don't know what the problem was, but he screwed something up and had to kind of change the course of his studies. It's still almost the same and it's not starting from the bottom but he had to change some courses I think.
The thing is, I told him that I think it's because he smokes too much weed. He smokes everyday at least 1-2 joints, in some phases even 2-3 or more. I cut smoking to maybe 2 times per week. The difference is, I'm working and it doesn't affect me. When I smoked much more I still passed my exams with good grades and I can go without smoking for days or even weeks, I don't need it in my live. I only smoke when I'm with him and even then not every time it's rare.
I really think the smoking is affecting him but he always said it's not because of that and once he said if I try to put myself between him and weed, it won't work. I don't even want this. He can smoke, but maybe he is the kind of person that can't do both? You know, like smoking weed and still doing your business - both won't work out for some people I guess.
He works besides University and never misses a work day, just to mention.
It just bothers me so much that there is like no end for his studying, he says next year he's finished but I don't know. He smokes before we eat, he smokes before an event and if I point it out he says "that's how you got to know me".... am I overreacting or is there an honest problem? This morning he slept in again and missed his course. He rarely goes to the university he does it from home or sometimes online but I don't think that's normal? He even smokes when he's in university ... if he goes.
Another thing is that he drove when he smoked. He always said he can do it but I hated it. It still affects your mind and vision.... even if it was 2 hours ago.
I don't know what to do. I enjoy smoking too but I can say that I don't need it and I am still able to go to work or whatever. (I don't smoke before work I just mean that it doesn't affect me the next day or so).
I honestly can't stand it anymore, I don't know what to think about all this. I'm afraid that I'm ignoring warning signs in relation to his smoking behavior. Why do you need to smoke before every thing you're going to do? Almost everything...

Hello everyone!
I think it would be funny to do a ranking of decades of Spiderman comics, from the 60's to the present.
For my part, I can only give an opinion up until 90's since I'm not interested in Spiderman post-2000's, but you can include it.

1. 80's: Roger Stern modernized the character and that would work a basis for the following years. He introduced a great villain like the Hobgoblin whose story would continue to be developed by other authors later. Also the black suit was introduced and the subsequent arrival of Venom, which they managed to turn into one of Spidey's most important foes despite having passed 2 decades since its launch, which is not easy. In addition, one of the character's key arcs was launched, Kraven Last Hunt. For all this and more, I would say that it is the best decade of the wall-crawler.
2. 60's: The origin of Spiderman, this age is iconic since all the characters and bases that would define the character to this day emerged. Yes, it is true that Lee and Ditko's first comics can get a little boring nowadays, but even so, seeing the first appearance of so many characters makes it worth reading. Later, the era of Lee and Romita Sr, keeping in mind that they are stories from the 60's, they manteined a high level and have not aged that much, in addition to that they also presented new iconic characters such as Rhino, Shocker or Kingpin, and great arcs such as the revelation of Norman being the Green Goblin or Peter ceasing to be Spiderman. Without a doubt, if this decade had not had this great level, Spiderman would not have become Marvel's flagship.
3. 70's: This decade during the first years has a good level until approximately number #150, although then the level of the stories begins to decline a little until the arrival of Stern in the 80's. Even so, in these early years we have memorable moments such as the death of Captain Stacy, the drug trilogy, the introduction of Morbius, the first Clone saga or the first time Harry becomes the Green Goblin, stories that continue to be remembered nowadays. And how can we not talk about the death of Gwen Stacy, probably the key moment in Spidey's entire history, which was a paradigm in the world of comics and which is still remembered 50 years later.
4. 90's: The decade most criticized in general by Spiderman fans, where it is said that the level of the stories dropped a lot to focus on action and spectacular drawings. I have not yet had the opportunity to read the Clone Saga since it will not be republished in my country until a few years, so although I know what happens during it, I cannot say if it is as bad as people say until reading it. Although personally the first years of the 90's do not seem so bad to me, Carnage is in charge of leading the gallery of rogues those years until reaching Maximum Carnage, which I enjoyed a lot, it is true that it is not a story that marked an era for its plot but even so the drawing and the battles seem very fun to me. Also during this time, we probably had the best stage of the Spectacular Spiderman title thanks to DeMatteis and Buscema with the whole story of Harry Osborn's return as the Green Goblin and his subsequent death, which is curious that they wrote in Spectacular and not in Amazing due to his importance in Peter's life. In conclusion, the absence of reading the Clone saga and although objectively it is probably the worst of these 4 initial decades of Spidey, it doesn't seem as bad to me as people try to make it out to be.

And now after having given my ranking, it is your turn to give your opinions.
Thanks for participating!

So it's heavily implied that Rusthenge is built to dovetail into seven dooms in a similar way to how the beginner box/ Troubles in Otari are meant to dovetail into Abomination Vaults. However I'll be honest and say that I don't automatically see how that happens organically. The end of Rusthenge likely sees the PCs as stewards of a pretty major evil artifact that they need to decide how to deal with. The book gives handing over the horn to the elders as an option but that doesn't seem like a thing most groups would do without prompting. And even if they did, that still leaves the question of why the group would go to Sandpoint.
I'm hoping some of you talented, creative folks could help give me some inspiration on how to make that narrative transition, since I always like the idea of going from a starter adventure into a pre-written campaign. If you have personal experience with it, that'd be great as well. It doesn't need to be super specific, anything can help spark ideas.

Me (29M) and my wife (27F) have been married 6 years, live in the midwest, and all our family lives within 10 miles of each other out west. My in-laws invited and paid for my wife and I to fly west on Saturday and leave Tuesday to enjoy time with my wife’s family doing many planned activities. While here, I never made plans to visit my folks because the purpose of our visit was to be with my wife’s family and they were the ones who had paid for our travel. My family knew I was in town, but I never clearly explained beforehand that our visit was a treat from my in-laws to spend time with my wife’s family.
For some additional context, 2 weeks ago I flew west on my own for 4 days to attend some MLB games with my dad and attend some other family functions - while out west I didn’t visit my wife’s family. Later that same week, my whole family came out to the Midwest for a few days for my graduation and we all had a great time. My wife’s family is much larger than mine and was not there for my graduation.
Tonight, my wife and I attended an MLB game in a suite with her whole family. My dad and brother happened to be at the same game in “standard” seats. I tried to go say hello during the game, but I couldn’t get the suite tickets to transfer to my phone which was needed for my re-entry. I informed them of this problem and that I was sorry I couldn’t see them. When my brother asked if we could see each other after the game I told him that as a guest to my wife’s family function I’d feel uncomfortable asking them to delay their departure - but that I was looking forward to seeing at a planned meet-up next month.
Not long after the game, I received the following text from my dad in which he shares feelings of being purposefully excluded.
He said: “Tonight was hard for me. I do not understand the circumstances that you are in. I do not understand the dynamics of XXX's family. I am trying not to feel bad about you or (my wife’s) family. I am struggling with feelings that we have been purposely excluded from your visit and I do not understand why that was necessary. I have chosen to share this with you because I would rather not make up stories in my head that would turn into resentment. I love you, Dad”
To which I responded: “Hi! I'm so sorry that you've been feeling this! The XXX family had planned this weekend of family events, had invited (my wife) and I to be a part of them a few weeks ago, and purchased our flights so that we could be in attendance. It's not at all that (my wife) and I were simply excluding you from a visit out west - it just wasn't the purpose of our visit. I can totally understand how you would feel purposefully excluded without that information and I'm so sorry you feel that!! I'm sorry that I never made that known. With both families living in close proximity I can appreciate a need to improve communication on such matters. I love you so much!”
I did my best to provide some clarification to him on the matter, but AITAH?
How might you have responded/acted differently?

Wade took a breath as he picked up his old duffel bag, now loaded with his DD uniform and a few other items from the Ceres mines as he slotted it to his side, with the large band handle around his neck. Having gathered his belongings, he joined Tina, who was waiting near the ship's open bay door as he walked over to her. The couple watched several of the other troopers inside marching out as well, some carrying crates of supplies and items out of the craft as they departed for the base outside. Kelly was one of the last ones still on board, checking on a section of the cargo bay as she did what Wade presumed was some maintenance work.
With the way now clear, Wade and Tina stepped off the transport, glancing at the massive base around them as they touched the roughened pavement. Throughout the large landing port were several more chameleon dropships, their crews disembarking with similar items and loads of rescued drones aboard. Beyond the ships were several hangar bays and fighter craft, mostly A-20s and their space-borne cousins docked in lines going across the pad. And beyond the landing zone, towering over several buildings at the base, were the few cruisers docked to the large clamps holding them in place.
Walking ahead with Tina, Wade observed some of the departing Coalition troops as they neared one of several tents stationed near an inactive group of planes, the military personnel interacting and exchanging the crates with the Coalition officers upon reaching each other. Hearing a low roar of engines from afar, the lover drones looked upward to see the large USN warship that was present at the factory earlier, having followed the transport convoy home and now was beginning to descend for landing. Wade gave a silent gasp as he caught a glimpse of the ship's name and SIC number at the side, remembering it from the ship he and Ron saw while returning to Earth.
"Always a wondrous thing to see, isn't it Wade?" Tina said as she and her boyfriend watched the ship slowly come lower to the unoccupied dockyard clamps below it.
"Sure is, wonder how they built those babies?" Wade replied as the two looked upon the landing starship, the former worker drone smirking as he added, "I could've swore I saw that same exact ship over Henderson when Ron and I came back, before we got mugged earlier."
Tina glanced to Wade with surprise as she spoke up on his claim. "Really? Well, that had to be the one that helped our friends here back at the factory. I think I saw the same name on it too!"
"Wouldn't surprise me, seeing all that's happened today." Wade replied as he chortled a bit, Tina doing the same as the former spoke further. "I wonder, what kind of ship is the... Vickers again? You know?"
"Autumn class, dear. A heavy destroyer variant, not as strong as those enormous Yamato dreadnoughts or Adelaide battlecruisers, but she'll put up a good fight for whatever comes at her." Tina explained as she held back another chuckle, thinking of her education on various USN craft as she teased Wade lightly. "You know, I may just have to grab one of those ship roster tabs when we get in the base. I'd love to show you all they got in their arsenal."
Wade chortled again as he gave his thoughts on the idea. "Well, it wouldn't be bad to have a little more knowledge in ship-story."
Tina almost burst out laughing at his crude pun, Wade smiling at her as F and Nathan jogged over to the two, the latter carrying his own backpack behind him as he spoke. "Well, not a bad place, huh? You guys heading to the clearance station?"
"Oh yes, we were just admiring the ships around us while we walked." Tina said with a stifled laugh, easing herself as she chatted with her new friends. Wade, however, was quickly overcome with panic as he remembered something. Checking his pockets, his fears were confirmed as he failed to find one of his key possessions: his ID card. Wade felt he must have lost it when he was stripped of his old clothing while in the factory.
Oh no, guys? I don't think I can pass through." Wade said with greenish-yellow circles for eyes as Tina and the others looked to him in concern, the drone feeling through his pockets once more before stating his issue. "My ID, they must've taken it off me when they turned me into a disassembly drone!" Wade began to hyperventilate lightly as he grew fearful of the potential outcomes when they reached the security gate ahead. "Oouuugghh, if I don't have my ID, they'll have to keep me lo-"
"Wade, Wade... it's okay. I'll have them make a pass for you, surely we can get them to after getting them to understand what's happened." Tina stated as she put her hand to Wade's chest, who eased his panic as he looked to his girlfriend.
"Yeah, and besides Wade, those people over there went around gathering what ever items the company stole from the drones during their conversion. I'm sure that once they find it, they'll have it sent off to be given back to you!" Nathan said as F nodded in agreement, shunting Wade's panic out of him with their words as he replied to the hopeful responses.
"Right, yeah, they should do that. Sorry." Holding Tina's hand, Wade spoke to her once more. "Lead the way."
Tina nodded to Wade before the two began to walk over to the security gate nearby, several people, drones and humans alike, already in the line as they checked themselves in to the base to relax after the hard-fought battle. Once they reached the line, the four stood together as they waited for the line to slowly go up, more troops and rescued drones coming over to add to the long line. During the wait, a loud, mechanical 'SLAM' erupted through the air, prompting Wade and Tina to glance over to the direction of the noise. The two felt at ease once more as they saw the Vickers finally landed at the base, the loud clang being the docking clamps attaching to the ships hull just moments ago.
As the line moved up further to the gate, Wade and Tina caught sight of a pair of A-20 aircraft passing over them, the two watching as the planes slowed down while descending onto the runway nearby. The four drones' collective viewing of the fighters landing ceased as they caught sight of J, who took flight as she departed the transport nearby before flying over to the tents near the hangar bays.
"Huh, wonder what she's over there for?" Nathan said as he observed J landing onto the ground in front of one of the tents.
"Probably checking on the drones we got back, or meeting up with one of those commanders there." F said as she motioned an arm towards the tents, J walking under one as she made her way to one of the soldiers coming over to her. "Seems like the latter, from the looks of it."
Wade shrugged as he responded to the group's pondering over J's actions. "Well, she'll be here with us if we need her, right? Shouldn't be much to worry about."
Returning their focus to the line ahead, Wade and his team waited as the line moved up over the next few minutes, moving impressively fast as the people in front cleared themselves in one at a time. Eventually, the four of them were up, Tina stepping up to show her ID for clearance. "Hello, it's been a busy day, hasn't it?"
The security agent smirked at Tina's small-talk. "Hah, not too busy here until you all showed up."
As the guard finished scanning Tina's ID, she handed the card back to her as she raised a finger to begin her request. "Oh, um, there's a little issue we need to resolve." Putting a hand to Wade's arm, Tina explained her boyfriend. "This is my dear friend Wade, Wade Carter. We both managed to escape that blasted factory with the help of those Coalition folks there." Wade gave a pleading look as Tina continued. "Unfortunately, Wade was converted into a disassembly drone before he was rescued, and it seems those people at the company took all his belongings he had on him, including his ID. Do you think there's... anyway you could write up something to let him by?"
Stepping forward, F gave her end of the story. "I can vouch for him, Ma'am. Wade and I we're among the teams helping in getting the worker drones out of the factory during the operation." The disassembly drone pulled out a pair of cards as she finished her explanation, one of them being her company-issued Disassembly Service Passcard, which resembled a normal civilian ID in appearance, save for the 'JCJenson (In Spaaace!) Logo on the top left and hazard markings around the rim of the card. As for the other card, it was a well worn, still legitimate ID card, showing F as how she appeared when she was a worker drone. At the side of her picture was a name with an initial. "FELICITY A LEE"
Taking the two cards in her hand, she looked them over and scanned them as Nathan tried to back Wade up as well. "So can I, Ma'am! I helped there too, when he was under the company's control. We all got him out of the factory so we could get him back in order." Pulling out his own ID, Nathan handed it out as the guard returned F's IDs to her.
The guard accepted Nathan's ID as she spoke over what to do with Wade. "Well, normally it takes clearance from higher ranked personnel here to allow someone inside without a legitimate form of identification. We can't just take someone's word on things like this, after all." Tina seemed to frown in disappointment as the guard explained her protocols, Wade looking down at the ground as he felt his worries were about to be proven correct. Going over Nathan's ID further, she gave an intrigued expression at the card before continuing. "Huh, interesting. Got two veteran folks here, I see?" She glanced to Nathan and F as she said that, taking into account their former military background as the former spoke up.
"Three, actually. My pal Kurtis is somewhere back there, I think. He should be heading down here later this evening." The guard glanced back at Nathan's ID as she took in the veteran drone's reply, sighing as she decided to make a slight amendment to the issue put before her and the four friends.
"Well, seeing you two here, I believe I can write something up. The Major won't be happy with me for this, but I think I can trust you with appropriate behavior." Taking a small sticky name-tag, the woman pulled out a pen before starting to write on it. Initially, she glanced to Wade, who stated his name again before she began to write his name on the tag. Once she was finished, the guard gave the tag to Wade, who slapped it onto his jacket before she spoke to him. "You should be fine to enter for the most part, just stick close to your friends and don't cause any trouble. Understood?"
Wade gave a stern salute to the security officer, who held back a chuckle at the honest, yet amusing effort the disassembly drone showed to her. Giving a simple nod and a flick of her hand, she permitted Wade and his friends entrance to the base, the four walking past the walkway barricades as they made their way past the gate.
Wade let out a heavy sigh of relief as he thanked his allies. "I owe you both so much for this, thanks!"
"Don't mention it, Wade." F said warmly as she and Nathan laughed at his joyful face.
"Yeah, just doing what any good friend should." Nathan said as Tina wrapped an arm around Wade, holding him tightly as the two walked together.
Looking to his girlfriend, Wade spoke to Tina about what to do next. "Well, since we're in, you wanna go fi-" He ceased his words as he remembered that there was someone else they needed to find amongst the base. "Oh, I almost forgot about her,"
"Jasmine!" Tina and Wade said aloud together as the former remembered her sister, Wade's words snapping her mind to Jasmine in an instant. "We should look for her, you think she might be here somewhere?"
"Probably. If they got Ron after they captured me, they have to 've picked her up too." Wade stated, Nathan raising a hand as he offered to help.
"I could go looking for her! You know what she looks like?" Readying a holo-projector, he tried to display an image of Jasmine from one of his many memories of her. The picture was, while pixelated and under a blue hue, incredibly well-detailed. And for Nathan, that was all he needed to see to note Jasmine's appearance in his memory. Nodding, he spoke again to his friends. "Got it! I'll see if she's around!" Then, turning to run down one of the paths leading to a nearby base facility, he stopped as he asked one more question. "Oh! One more thing, you got a smartcomm on ya, Wade?"
Readying one from his holo-projector hand, he nodded as he spoke into it. "Seems so, though I don't seem to have all my contacts added in."
Running back over, Nathan pulled out his own smartcomm before putting it up against Wade's hand one, allowing the two devices to exchange information. Upon the devices beeping, Wade and Nathan nodded to each other, the former ignoring a pop-up that stated, "New Contact Added" while the latter spoke once more. "Okay, I'll call you once I spot her!" With that, he began running down the path once more, intent on finding Tina's sister at the base, wherever she could be.
"Fowley! Her last name's Fowley!" Tina said aloud to the departing Nathan, hoping he heard her words before turning away from the miner drone and facing Wade and F again.
As Tina sighed in partial relief, Wade put his own arm around her before asking the question he tried to ask before. "So, uh, with that out of the way for now... You wanna go look for one of those ship tabs?"
Putting a hand to Wade's chest, Tina smiled as she replied. "Oh, certainly." Then, as the three began walking down a different path that Nathan hadn't taken, the pilot drone continued with a chuckle. "I hear they have a place here that sells model kits too!"
...
Jasmine sat in silent sorrow as she took another gulp of her glass of Proxi-Vodka, a tasty, but heavy alcoholic beverage produced at the colony of Proxima 2... and one of Jasmine's preferred drinks to have when she wasn't in a good mood. When she awoke after being stunned by the station guards, she found that she was just recovered by a group that called themselves the 'United Earth Coalition', and that her drone friend, Tina, was unfortunately taken by the JCJenson corporation to be turned into one of their horrid disassembly drones. While the people that saved her offered to help her find Tina, so far there had been no luck in doing so. No successful calls, no response from Wade nor Ron, nothing.
The whole situation widdled at her like scrapes to her form, slowly draining any bit of hope that she had in finding her sister. And once the mission at that factory was over, the ship began heading back to the Nellis Base to escort the recovered drones back to a safe area. Unfortunately for Jasmine, Tina's presence was not given confirmation. Alone, she walked off to one of the bars down at the base, specifically Drexler's Cantina, one of the more popular bars down at the military starport. Thankfully, though she didn't openly exhibit feelings of wanting to be alone in her wallowing, she was glad the place was nearly barren of patrons, with only a few at a couple of tables within the bar.
The stage at the back of the bar also had a few singer drones performing aloud, the lead singer girl reciting the words of a quiet, yet exciting song that, instrumentally, consisted of a strange mix of bass, techno, and a hint of opera. The song itself was one Jasmine had heard a good many times before in her life, known as, 'You Complete My World' by a decades old Earth band by the name of HeartStar. The song, as Jasmine and many others who'd heard it interpreted it, was about someone who described their world like a puzzle, and that the one whom the main singer cared for beyond all was the only thing that could keep their world from shattering into ruin before them.
An oddly fitting tune, given what had just happened on the JCJ Central earlier. For all Jasmine knew, Tina was either alive beyond her knowledge, hopefully searching for her wherever she could, or, the answer Jasmine feared... Dead.
Not wanting to even consider the thought, the human pilot took another swig of the colonial Vodka, relishing in its taste before forcing herself to swallow, almost gagging from the strength of the drink. Easing herself, she glanced out to one of the windows of the bar, taking the faint glimpse of night into her eyes. Then, looking to the clock at the wall ahead of her, she saw the time was about a little over an hour to 10 pm. Jasmine gave a sigh to herself, certain she would be alone for the rest of the night.
Unbeknownst to her, however, Jasmine had been spied upon a little while ago. Nathan, in his search for the woman Tina called Jasmine Fowley, had spotted a woman matching the physical appearance of the target. Knowing Jasmine wouldn't know who he was if he tried to talk to her himself, Nathan immediately went looking for Wade, easing his return to his team by calling the former worker drone and signaling him about his findings.
Deciding to check on the news, Jasmine slowly pulled out her smartcomm, resisting her urge to press the contacts button as she tapped the news app. Looking through it, she spotted a recent story that was posted just over an hour ago, titled, "JCJenson 'Recall' effort sabotaged by joint Government/Militia forces! The Truth Exposed!" Above the article was a video, a play button in front of it teasing Jasmine. Curious over this sudden development, she pressed the button, her attention in complete focus on the video as it began to play.
After the news station's logo appeared on-screen for a short few seconds, the current host for the story, Mrs. Tiffany Joy, appeared at her seat before beginning the story. "Good evening, this is Nevada-78, I'm your host, Tiffany Joy. Tonight, we start with a rapid development for the 'drone recall' incidents propagated by the business conglomerate JCJenson In Space. Throughout the afternoon up to now, several advanced factories under the ownership of the corporation have fallen under violent assault by various militarized forces, ranging from official United Nations operatives to private militia groups with varying goals." The small screen to Joy's left shifted to show the state of Nevada, zooming into it to show a portion of the Mojave desert as Joy continued her story.
"Among these facilities, one such factory based right here in southern Nevada has recently succumbed to the successful efforts of the USN Defense Force and a group by the name of the United Earth Coalition, an alliance consisting of humans and automatons working to create a unified world for both species." The screen shifted again to show the logo for the UEC, which appeared as one half of a human head outline and another of a drone's, along with two arms behind the heads belonging to both beings pictured. "With the attack having concluded just hours ago, we have reporters gathering at the New Nellis Staryards near Henderson City to bring you the aftermath of the conflict. We go to Mr. Jelico, on the scene in five."
The camera shifted after the countdown of five to show Mr. Jelico in front of the camera, the cameraman filming a large tent housing several worker drones being tended to by the base soldiers. "Alright, Jelico here, we're on station at New Nellis. What you're all seeing here are some of the recovered worker drones, many of them were pretty spooked by the events that unfolded in that factory earlier." As the camera panned over the lot of drones, some of them looked to the camera, curious at the news crew filming them as Jelico continued. "A few of them are real glad to be here, Joy. Seems like they feel safe here, as far as I can tell."
As the camera moved to show Jelico again, a plane could be seen taking off as he spoke. "Yeah, these people did them quite a service. The staff here are working to find their original owners and families, it'll probably be a little bit before they can get them all home." The camera switched once again to another view of the base, the lights of various buildings illuminating the night as the news story continued.
At the entrance, Nathan pushed open the door to the bar, the chime failing to catch anyone's attention as he, Wade, F and Tina stepped inside. Carefully pointing at Jasmine, he whispered to Tina, "That's her, from the looks of it. She's been here for a good minute!"
Taking another drink of the Proxi-Vodka, Jasmine listened further to the story. "The authorities didn't just recover a majority of the worker drones taken into the factory, however. A recent update provided by Mrs. Yuka, shows her interviewing a disassembly drone who claims to be among the unfortunate drones the assault force failed to save before their conversion."
"Jasmine!" Tina called out, the voice instantly grabbing the woman's attention as she paused the news story. Swiftly turning her head, her heart began pounding with immense excitement as she saw her drone sister, who grinned upon seeing her face.
"Tina!" Jasmine said aloud, somewhat weakly from her previous wallowing as she tried to run over to her sister, landing on her knees as the two embraced in a flush of emotions. Wade and his friends stood behind the two girls as they hugged each other, clinging onto one another as tightly as they could give. Jasmine seemed to erupt with a pained cough as she allowed some of her sorrow out of her heart, Tina carressing her back in a comforting manner as she held back her own tears. The sisters held the hug for a long moment, not daring to let go of one another for fear of losing each other again. Eventually, however, they did, the two sisters taking heavy breaths as Jasmine spoke up while wiping her face. "I thought I'd lost you."
"Can't say I didn't feel the same way, love." Tina replied as she broke out in light laughter, glancing to Wade before continuing. "But, fortunately, those Coalition boys helped out quite a bit. Though, not as much as my knight in his new armor."
Standing herself up, Jasmine took Tina's helping hand as she looked to the one her sister spoke of. A grateful smile formed on Jasmine's face as she saw Wade, standing in front of her and Tina as he returned the expression. Looking upon her family friend, Jasmine noticed something... different about Wade. He was taller now, his arms were shaped like white cones rather than the silver bendy tubes he and Tina normally had. As for his face, his pure green eyes were replaced with a set of greenish-yellow ones, and above his forehead was a band holding five yellow bulbs that she didn't know the function of.
While the pieces started to click together in her head, Jasmine took Wade's held out hand as she spoke to him. "Wade, I'm so glad to see you! You look different, too. Did something... happen to you?" She already guessed it by this point, but feigned confusion as she opted to hear Wade's take on the matter.
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind your sister dating a vampire from now on." Tina chortled in amusement at Wade's comment at himself, Jasmine raising an eyebrow in confusion at the former worker drone as he returned his expression to a more sincere smile. "The company got me too, and unlike the workers we got out... they managed to turn me into a disassembly drone. From now on, I'm gonna need to take in more oil than I usually did before I was turned. My cooling system's not as good as it should be, from what I've heard." Pulling out his two full canteens, Wade finished his partial explanation. "Don't worry, though. I've got some to keep me down."
Jasmine took in the news with immense surprise, noticing the hazard stripes at the rims of Wade's arms as she replied to her friend. "Oh... Well, if Tina's fine with it, then I see no problem with that, Wade." Admittedly, she was a bit unnerved by the change, concerned for both him and Tina's safety due to this supposed oil coolant issue. Trying to sound as nice as she could on the matter, Jasmine hesitantly asked Wade, "Though... I am a bit concerned with that bad cooling problem you mention. You... don't think you would-"
"Hurt Tina?!" Wade assumed, understanding Jasmine's concern as he gave a horrified glance to the two sisters. Standing with his fists to his hips, he gave his answer to Jasmine's presumed question. "Don't even say such a thing, Jasmine. I'd rather overheat than dare strike her."
Admittedly amused as well as concerned for Wade's selflessness, Tina chuckled at him before speaking up on the matter. "Now now, Wade. It won't be so bad. We'll manage."
Jasmine nodded as she agreed with her sister's optimistic view on the problem. "Indeed we will, we always do." Then, taking notice of the other two drones in the room, Jasmine smiled at them before speaking again. "Ah, I see you brought some friends too."
Wade and Tina glanced over to Nathan and F upon Jasmine's statement, the two friends smiling pleasantly as Wade spoke up. "Oh, yeah. These are some of my work buddies from Ceres, Jasmine. This is Nathan, I first met him when Ron and I came to the mines, showed us around a bit too." Putting a hand on F's shoulder, Wade introduced her too. "And this is Serial Designation F, or, just F. She was one of the guards keeping watch on the place while we worked."
F seemed to blush out of embarrassment as she remembered her and Wade's first meeting. "I... did come off a little rough on them when they first came in, though. Stopped Nathan's touring run too. Just following colony protocol."
Nathan patted F's back as he tried to ease F's guilt. "Oh, it's nothing F. We had to start work in a few minutes anyway. Besides, it's a bit more fun exploring the place yourself without a guide." He winked at the others as he finished his praise. "Trust me, it really is."
Wade, Tina and Jasmine all chuckled at their friend's amusing words, F joining in as she replied to Nathan's encouragement. "Alright, alright."
Walking up to the two, Tina put her hand onto Nathan's as she gave her own praises. "And they may not look like it, dear, but Nathan and F were both formerly in the military, from what Wade's told me."
Jasmine gave a proud smirk at the two as she responded to her sister's claim. "Well, that's quite something. Did she tell you we used to fly for them some years back?"
"Oh, she did, Mrs. Fowley." Nathan replied as he chuckled lightly, F giving a smile of her own as she added her own part to the story.
"Yeah, and given what's happening now, maybe they might call you back for service again. Wade told me you two were excellent pilots."
It was now Jasmine's turn to blush as she chuckled from the compliment, knowing Wade's high praise for her and her sister's flying as she replied. "Well, I can't say that's wrong, Tina saved the day during the flight back here. We ran into an asteroid cluster while in the middle of a jump."
Wade patted Tina on her back as he quietly cheered his love on. "That's what I'm talking about, she's a wonder among the stars, I'm telling you!"
The group fell into an excited fit of laughter at the conversation, a few of the bar patrons taking notice of the bunch as they eventually ceased their joyful moment.
As everyone calmed down, Jasmine spoke up, intending to bring the discussion to another place. "Well, with all that said, it feels great to see you all here. It was such a terrible day after all those company folk showed up." Then, as she scanned the group of friends around her, she noticed someone else missing from this puzzle. "Hey, uh... is Ron here? Did he head off somewhere?"
The mood was quickly put down to a mournful aura as Wade and Tina glanced to the floor in sadness, Nathan and F giving uncomfortable postures as they awaited for someone to speak up on the matter.
Eventually, Wade was the one to open his mouth, breathing steadily as he tried to speak to Jasmine. "Um, Jasmine? Things, uh... really took a nose dive after we got captured. You think we could find a place to sit? It's a lot to talk about."
Looking to the four drones with concern, Jasmine eased her returning fear as she nodded to Wade in agreement. "...Sure, there's plenty of space at the table here." Pointing her arm to the table, which was surrounded by a U-shaped seating bench, Wade and his friends began to move to the table as Tina spoke up.
"I can get us some drinks for the talk, you all want anything?"
"Just some oil, thanks. "Wade answered as F and Nathan gave their own nods to Tina, the drone girl walking over to the bartender near the stage as she went to purchase some beverages.
Sitting down, Jasmine picked up her smartcomm from the table, glancing to it as she spoke up on her half-finished drink. "Heh, and to think I was drowning myself in this drag of a drink before. Probably have to find a different glass."
"Proxi-Vodka? Haven't seen you touch that since we lost Aunt Susan." Wade said solemnly as he examined Jasmine's drink, sighing as he reluctantly continued. "Well, maybe it can go for a few more sips."
Looking to the vodka, Jasmine nodded as she put her smartcomm in her pocket. "I figured, I didn't think this was gonna sound good."
"I wish it did." Wade replied as Tina walked back to the table, a plate of three oil glasses resting on her careful hand as she set it down.
After delivering the drinks, Tina took a seat next to Wade, holding his hand as Jasmine spoke up. "So, where do we start this terrible story?"
Wade gulped a bit as he began to recount the events that transpired today. "Well, it all started when Ron and I came back from the mining colony."