Rude birthday poems

So for context -my partner and I have been dating for half a decade. Our relationship is strong and we are enjoying our time together immensely - he's the love of my life, my favourite laughing partner and just a really special human being I'm honoured to know so deeply. My MIL came accross as a strong personality but seemed delightful and embraced me at first. Over the last few years it has become suspected she has a personality disorder with her "incidents" and behaviour. My partner and I are planning on getting engaged this year and have had this timeline for a very long time. While this should be a very exciting time in my life - I am instead feeling worried, stressed, and down. This MIL is constantly bringing up the concepts of engagement, weddings, and babies at get-togethers which sure is fine but the thing is it feels like she makes an effort to leave me out of it. My partners brother is also proposing this year to his partner which have been dating a few years less than us (super happy for them). My partner also has another sibling that isn't planning on proposing anytime soon and is younger. I have a really good relationship with everyone else in the family including the father (says i'm like a daughter), the siblings, and the partners (we have become friends). My MIL is not only making the maintenance of these relationships hard, but she is making me feel like abolute crap on a consistent basis at family events with how she blatenly treats me poorly compared to others. Here's some examples:

• At family events the MIL will bring up the topic of marriage, babies, moving in, etc. talk about it happening for both other siblings and then completely disregard me and my partner. For instance recently she went on about who shes inviting to the one siblings wedding and then talked about how the other sibling (one not proposing anytime soon)'s would be and then (I kid you not) looked at me, said my partner and I's names and laughed.
• Im telling you at every.single. event. for the past 3 years from the first few months of them dating she is bringing up the other siblings future engagement and how they deserve it so much etc. Cute at first but its very very excessive at this point (and thats me underexagerating). Im talking about begging, and not letting the topic go when no one in the room is reciprocating. Not a peep has been heard about me and my partner in this half a decade of being in the family. - Would I every want it to the extent of the other sibling? no. Do i find it odd and a bit rude? Yes. especially considering the fact that she has known my partner is proposing this year.
• one day she brought down her mothers gold jewlery and was passing it to the other siblings partners and asking what type of ring she wants. Then when that sibling's partner asked me (attempting to include me in the conversation) and I showed pictures of the the ones I tried on and the MIL immediatly went quiet then interrupted and changed the conversation back to the other siblings partner. She acted like I wasn't there and afterwards the other siblings partner said they noticed too.
• when leaving a get together she went out of her way to hug every partner but me.

-When the other sibling's partners arrive an excited voice and questions about work/life are had. Meanwhile, when I arrive it’s a short embrace with very little effort/interest in my life anymore unless it has to do with something that impacts my partner like whether we are going to my house this weekend.

• After not saying a word to me in a room she calls over other siblings partners and has private conversations in the other conjoining room about non-private things.
• (this is wild that im even saying this) I noticed she covers our picture on the mantel up by either putting other siblings and their partners photos in front or a nick nack like a bible verse plaque.

Efforts I have made over the past few years that I think qualify me as a good DIL /her response:

• I have tried doing activities she enjoys with her -making an effort to let her know I care about her and her interests. - a lot out of my comfort zone.
• One of my love languages is gifts/acts of service (I don't expect it in return but I would think she would atleast treat me kindly) - I hand-made the whole family including partners sweaters (while other partners go nothing), every year I make the family yearly recap videos, I also make every family member including her birthday videos where I spend hours collecting photos, and videos from the past with their favourite music - started as something just for my partner but my FIL was so appreciative of it I thought i would do it for everyone. I do something special for her for international womens day and mothers day every year.
• I thank her in cards and have told her many times for raising very kind respectable humans.
• I ask her questions/ listen to her vents about conflicts with friends or family - (which btw she can be very negative about people).
• Myself and my partner both do the most activities with her and go out of our way to visit/help her the most. (ie. going shopping together, visiting her at work)
• I have cleaned her whole kitchen/ made food for the family on my own dime and time.
• Even when we first started dating and I was a broke university student - I would go out of my way to spend money on her and her family because i wanted to and I love them.
• When she would have mental "incidents" ie. leaving the house for a few days, calling family members really horrible names etc. I was the one who would speak sense to my partner and his siblings about how this is a mental health issue and she doesn't really mean it. - I have defended her at her worst.

Most recently:

• invited her to two outings/events things we have done together before - denied
• Asking her about life/work - not holding conversation
• Used to hug me good morning/goodbye - not anymore.
• Blatantly ignoring my prescence in the room when other siblings partners are there/not including me in conversation
• didn't respond to my mothers text and makes very little effort with my family (despite my family having them to our cottage and visiting/checking in - my dad and the FIL are friends) - meanwhile when we are in big groups she is constantly talkig about the other siblings partners parents and going out of her way to invite them to fancy dinners - buy them the most expensive bottle of wine etc. (bc she "wants to make a good impression"). - lol i guess my family wasn't important these past 5 years.

I feel as though my family is treated as less important and I myself am treated as less worthy of engagement or marriage when I have tried my hardest to just be accepted and respected by their family. I have made many efforts to show my care and loyalty to their family but the events I used to look forward to have just turned into sour reminders of how vastly different I am treated.
Some of these things above I have cried, laughed, or both about. There are many more things she has done that have hurt me these past few years of our relationship which I haven't mentioned above by myself and my partner thought were unintentional at the time and not necesary to address. She has love bombed me before which has confused me and made me think i'm over reacting to feeling like she wasn't treating me well/ doesn't like me -but most recently its gotten to the point where I am crying when I get home from every family event because of how prominent her efforts to exclude and bellttle me are.
Me and my partner have great communication and have agreed on the implementation of boundaries such as increased distance if her behaviour progresses etc. and he has offered to say something but I am scared. No matter what, I will have to attend family get to-gethers and I am marrying into this family that I really do love. I get along with the siblings partners so well it's such a shame that her presence leads to her making me feel poorly around them because of how she acts/things she says. I have also suggested she gets more mental support but right now shes attending therapy alone where I don't think she is fully honesst about her incidents/treatment of others. My partner knows she is unwell and we are both upset and tired of this being a thing. I definitely don't want to be overly embraced and put on a pedestal but I think what shes doing currently takes more effort than just acknowledging me and treating me with an ounce of the kindness she gives the others. I am scared to get engaged after her reaction to hearing we have been ring shopping and I am also more scared about the concept of a wedding or having kids as I find she has a tendency to be controlling and I don't want my future kids to see their mom being treated like this or possibly be treated the same. That of course made my partner upset and now don't know where to go from here (hence me referring to reddit) but I know a life with this is not a happy one for me or my partner and I don't deserve it but I love the family and I do love her for who she may be when shes mentally more well and her perseverence in life.

AITA for being Jealous of Lesbians?
I've only ever read these but feeling crazy right now so figured I'd go to the internet. Sorry this is probably going to be long.
Slight backstory. I've been in a very complicated non relationship with S(47M) for over a decade. We met when I(33F) wasn't ready for a relationship working multiple jobs barely had time for sleep. So we were just a regular hookup and that worked for both of us. After about a year he got back with his ex that hated me so he wasn't allowed to talk to me which I respected. It sucked cause we were friends but I would never disrespect their relationship. I won't lie it hurt a little but I moved on with my life. But we are in a itty bitty town so a lot of mutual friends and I ended up being in the same place a lot. Now they didn't last very long maybe 4months. The day before they broke up we were both at the bar having a smoke at the same time. He started talking to me and tried to kiss me but I stopped him and pointed out that his girlfriend already hated me enough. They broke up within a month we were spending almost all my free time together. I don't like who I was in my previous serious relationships so casual was fine with both of us we were FWBs. Now when I say FWB I mean we were constantly together everyone thought we were together just never put a label on it. That's how it has been for the majority of the decade which was fine with both of us. Now periodically I'd want more and we'd talk and he made it clear he didn't want that and that I should move on and I did try. He never slept with anyone but I did trying to move on and it never worked out. I wanted him and I really don't need a label as long as we were honest with each other. The pandemic hit and we basically lived together. We were us and it still had no label and was great. Fast forward to 2years ago. A mutual friend ended up dating his friend so we were basically double dating constantly. He needed to get out of his apartment so he moved in with me. Now everyone kept saying we were together and I'd tell them no and we were out and I just asked him and he said ya and it was really uncomfortable for me. Well that lasted 3months. Before I got to see him on my camera packup his stuff and move out of my house without talking to me and his friend called and asked if I was okay. Again small town everyone knows everyone been forever so all our friends are the same. So there was no avoiding. My friends said they'd exclude him but that didn't seem fair to him to be outcast. So we still spent a lot of time together. He left a week before my birthday which they had already planned and asked if he could go and I agreed. He came home with me and we both broke down and there was a lot of alcohol and a lot of black outs of the conversation. But just was he freaked out and we both love each other and I deserve better. We stayed split but anytime we'd end up out together drinking we'd end up together. We did eventually have a sober talk that broke me. But in the end we went back to how we were. Now he moved around to a few place but ended up back living with me. In the beginning it was amazing. Having someone live with me really helps my ADHD I had a schedule and stuck to it hell I was putting laundry away right out of the dryer. Including his laundry and mess.
Side Note. I'm not dirty but I'm super messy. I know where everything is but generally looks like a bomb went off. My dad raised me to be a strong independent woman that can fix her own car house basically anything I would need a man for. My mom taught me how to be a good house wife that also brought home the bacon.
Now this was fine for 6months. It's not like he didn't do anything to help. He did his share. But something changed about 2months ago.
He started spending a lot of time with these two girls that are in a relationship lets call the T & K. They were around before but it was all good we were all new friends. But when the previously mentioned 2 friends broke up even though I let him move into my house I was still really good friends with his ex. Which apparently they needed to stick their nose into and were very rude to her new guy and her. So they put a bad taste in my mouth so I pulled away from spending time with them.
But S didn't spends a lot of time with them. Looks after their cat does favors for them. Texts everyday. Which I don't think would bother me as much if he didn't stop doing anything for me. Everything I do just became expected. Hell he can't even change a toilet paper roll. I'm currently renovating my house and he'll sleep in till 2pm after spending the night drinking with them and coming in and waking me up. While I try not to be too loud trying to get things done and when he does wake up will just watch or get in the way. I know I don't ask for help but he generally doesn't either but I always help him.
So at this point I can feel the girl I hate being come out. I want to do crazy things like change their numbers in his phone and block their actual numbers. (His phone tells you when they're blocked). I want to send them nasty messages or just yell at them when I see them. I don't like this feeling. Logically I know that even if something was happening it's not their fault it's his. I have no right to be jealous because we aren't together. I need to cut him out of my life.
Problem is, I love him, I've spent so long in my life in love with him I don't know how not to be in love with him. I'm fine if it was what we've always been but he's pulling away from me and it's to them. I'm never going to be able to avoid him everyone we know and go are mutal and basically the only places to go. I do know I win the friend group that was made clear when he left me. But that's not fair to him. I can't just hermit because my depression will win. The only thing that's ever been able to stop it when it gets to the end it all has been him. I have lots of people in my life that love me and I would fight to survive for but I don't think I can win that fight without him.
So atih for being crazy and jealous of these lesbians. Honestly it's more of just the one not the other she seems pure women

So for context -my partner and I have been dating for half a decade. Our relationship is strong and we are enjoying our time together immensely - he's the love of my life, my favourite laughing partner and just a really special human being I'm honoured to know so deeply. My MIL came accross as a strong personality but seemed delightful and embraced me at first. Over the last few years it has become suspected she has a personality disorder with her "incidents" and behaviour. My partner and I are planning on getting engaged this year and have had this timeline for a very long time. While this should be a very exciting time in my life - I am instead feeling worried, stressed, and down. This MIL is constantly bringing up the concepts of engagement, weddings, and babies at get-togethers which sure is fine but the thing is it feels like she makes an effort to leave me out of it. My partners brother is also proposing this year to his partner which have been dating a few years less than us (super happy for them). My partner also has another sibling that isn't planning on proposing anytime soon and is younger. I have a really good relationship with everyone else in the family including the father (says i'm like a daughter), the siblings, and the partners (we have become friends). My MIL is not only making the maintenance of these relationships hard, but she is making me feel like abolute crap on a consistent basis at family events with how she blatenly treats me poorly compared to others. Here's some examples:

• At family events the MIL will bring up the topic of marriage, babies, moving in, etc. talk about it happening for both other siblings and then completely disregard me and my partner. For instance recently she went on about who shes inviting to the one siblings wedding and then talked about how the other sibling (one not proposing anytime soon)'s would be and then (I kid you not) looked at me, said my partner and I's names and laughed.
  
• Im telling you at every.single. event. for the past 3 years from the first few months of them dating she is bringing up the other siblings future engagement and how they deserve it so much etc. Cute at first but its very very excessive at this point (and thats me underexagerating). Im talking about begging, and not letting the topic go when no one in the room is reciprocating. Not a peep has been heard about me and my partner in this half a decade of being in the family. - Would I every want it to the extent of the other sibling? no. Do i find it odd and a bit rude? Yes. especially considering the fact that she has known my partner is proposing this year.
  
• one day she brought down her mothers gold jewlery and was passing it to the other siblings partners and asking what type of ring she wants. Then when that sibling's partner asked me (attempting to include me in the conversation) and I showed pictures of the the ones I tried on and the MIL immediatly went quiet then interrupted and changed the conversation back to the other siblings partner. She acted like I wasn't there and afterwards the other siblings partner said they noticed too.
  
• when leaving a get together she went out of her way to hug every partner but me.
  

-When the other sibling's partners arrive an excited voice and questions about work/life are had. Meanwhile, when I arrive it’s a short embrace with very little effort/interest in my life anymore unless it has to do with something that impacts my partner like whether we are going to my house this weekend.

• After not saying a word to me in a room she calls over other siblings partners and has private conversations in the other conjoining room about non-private things.
  
• (this is wild that im even saying this) I noticed she covers our picture on the mantel up by either putting other siblings and their partners photos in front or a nick nack like a bible verse plaque.
  

Efforts I have made over the past few years that I think qualify me as a good DIL /her response:

• I have tried doing activities she enjoys with her -making an effort to let her know I care about her and her interests. - a lot out of my comfort zone.
  
• One of my love languages is gifts/acts of service (I don't expect it in return but I would think she would atleast treat me kindly) - I hand-made the whole family including partners sweaters (while other partners go nothing), every year I make the family yearly recap videos, I also make every family member including her birthday videos where I spend hours collecting photos, and videos from the past with their favourite music - started as something just for my partner but my FIL was so appreciative of it I thought i would do it for everyone. I do something special for her for international womens day and mothers day every year.
  
• I thank her in cards and have told her many times for raising very kind respectable humans.
  
• I ask her questions/ listen to her vents about conflicts with friends or family - (which btw she can be very negative about people).
  
• Myself and my partner both do the most activities with her and go out of our way to visit/help her the most. (ie. going shopping together, visiting her at work)
  
• I have cleaned her whole kitchen/ made food for the family on my own dime and time.
  
• Even when we first started dating and I was a broke university student - I would go out of my way to spend money on her and her family because i wanted to and I love them.
  
• When she would have mental "incidents" ie. leaving the house for a few days, calling family members really horrible names etc. I was the one who would speak sense to my partner and his siblings about how this is a mental health issue and she doesn't really mean it. - I have defended her at her worst.
  

Most recently:

• invited her to two outings/events things we have done together before - denied
  
• Asking her about life/work - not holding conversation
  
• Used to hug me good morning/goodbye - not anymore.
  
• Blatantly ignoring my prescence in the room when other siblings partners are there/not including me in conversation
  
• didn't respond to my mothers text and makes very little effort with my family (despite my family having them to our cottage and visiting/checking in - my dad and the FIL are friends) - meanwhile when we are in big groups she is constantly talkig about the other siblings partners parents and going out of her way to invite them to fancy dinners - buy them the most expensive bottle of wine etc. (bc she "wants to make a good impression"). - lol i guess my family wasn't important these past 5 years.
  I feel as though my family is treated as less important and I myself am treated as less worthy of engagement or marriage when I have tried my hardest to just be accepted and respected by their family. I have made many efforts to show my care and loyalty to their family but the events I used to look forward to have just turned into sour reminders of how vastly different I am treated.
  

Some of these things above I have cried, laughed, or both about. There are many more things she has done that have hurt me these past few years of our relationship which I haven't mentioned above by myself and my partner thought were unintentional at the time and not necesary to address. She has love bombed me before which has confused me and made me think i'm over reacting to feeling like she wasn't treating me well/ doesn't like me -but most recently its gotten to the point where I am crying when I get home from every family event because of how prominent her efforts to exclude and bellttle me are.
Me and my partner have great communication and have agreed on the implementation of boundaries such as increased distance if her behaviour progresses etc. and he has offered to say something but I am scared. No matter what, I will have to attend family get to-gethers and I am marrying into this family that I really do love. I get along with the siblings partners so well it's such a shame that her presence leads to her making me feel poorly around them because of how she acts/things she says. I have also suggested she gets more mental support but right now shes attending therapy alone where I don't think she is fully honesst about her incidents/treatment of others. My partner knows she is unwell and we are both upset and tired of this being a thing. I definitely don't want to be overly embraced and put on a pedestal but I think what shes doing currently takes more effort than just acknowledging me and treating me with an ounce of the kindness she gives the others. I am scared to get engaged after her reaction to hearing we have been ring shopping and I am also more scared about the concept of a wedding or having kids as I find she has a tendency to be controlling and I don't want my future kids to see their mom being treated like this or possibly be treated the same. That of course made my partner upset and now don't know where to go from here (hence me referring to reddit) but I know a life with this is not a happy one for me or my partner and I don't deserve it but I love the family and I do love her for who she may be when shes mentally more well and her perseverence in life.

Hey all, I finally had my first reddit worthy experience; it might not be hall of fame horror but it’s packed with lesson to be learned.
Our table in question is an all adult (late 20s to mid 30s) respectfully rated R “friends only” crew. This is the story of how someone went from being in our wedding party to kicked out of our adventuring party.
Our crew: Myself, first time DM with a management day job. My spouse, Fighter, who’s a brand new player. Another married couple: Land Druid and Wizard, who generally host the game. Wizard and Land Druid have a kid who's great and only relevant for context on some of the bad behavior later. And finally our star of the hour, a Moon Druid problem player I'll be referring to as Rude Druid.
The story begins before Fighter and I were married and I had gotten into playing at a virtual 5e table with some work colleagues during the quaren-times. Once we all got our "go outside pass" I decided to try my hand at running a table. Fighter and I were not yet living together and we'd made a friend through an app who definitely had some "quirks" but was a fun hang and we had a lot of shared interests, one of which being tabletop. The three of us had discussed getting a 5e game rolling if we could fill out a party and Rude Druid previously was a "forever DM" so was excited to get into the player seat even though it would mean commuting about an hour to attend. Fighter met and made friends with land druid and then we all met at a “yard games and hang” party some time later where I and Wizard shared their interest in tabletop and boom-bam-pow a campaign is born. Various members of the group have various neural divergences as well as histories of (lets politely say) big bad events in their past that made a thorough session zero a must. We all agreed on where our lines and veils were and months of happy dice rolling ensue without issue.
Along the way there were some yellow flags:
Since two players were playing druids and crowd control (CC) became a major mechanic, the DM invested in some gridded combat tools and put significant effort into making CC a fun and valuable part of combat and would mix in “smart” enemies and “dumb” ones to allow for the druids to have their awesome moments but not completely take over every combat. Rude Druid constantly tried to break the grid rules of their AOE spells and even got in an open argument with DM who insisted they adhere to the published rules. One such disagreement ending with the classic Rude Druid: “I’d allow it at my table”DM: “We’re not at your table, we’re at my table and we’re following the grid combat rules”That should have been the end of that right? Would you believe the DM had to call out the player for attempting to break AOE rules several more times? Rude druid also used wild shape to access an area unavailable to the rest of the party, which was fine until they then went on to refuse to rejoin the rest of the party and insisted on their own little side adventure. They even refused the party directly asking the player to come back so they could play as well. Eventually the DM said “We’ll now cut back to the party, you may rejoin whenever you feel like it” and had to remind the player about the “don’t split the party” agreement discussed in session 0. Sadly the yellow flags turned crimson and led to some major boundary crossing. While DM had offered their guest room to the druid for nights they didn’t want to drive home, the expectations got out of hand. They first switched from driving to taking public transport, which was their prerogative, but then expected rides too and from the transit station during working hours. The fighter took care of the driving for a while because they worked a later shift and the two were friends. But then the schedule expanded to needed to be taken for food, expecting to go rock-climbing every time, etc etc and the DM’s “you can crash here and head out whenever” turned into an expectation of a 24 hour commitment of the Fighter being the druid’s personal entertainer and driver. Fighter actually left the game for a short time to deal with life stuff and druid tried to guilt other members into taking over the extra driving, which we all refused. Rude druid is also the most disgusting eater that I’ve ever experienced in my life and both I and another member of the party have misophonia which we’d brought up multiple times making it clear “this is extremely unpleasant for us. Please get it under control”. The sound effects got so bad the hosts had to resort to BANNING snacks from DND night because it was impossible for 2 of us to participate in the game. I promise you, it was so bad you’d have done the same.In the midst of all this DM and Fighter got married, navigated some difficult decisions on housing, moved in together, and now DM no longer had a spare room to offer. Shortly after moving in fighter had two major illnesses that included multiple trips to the hospital and the DM made it clear that the offer of a spare room was no longer on the table for obvious reasons. We all expected the druid to control their alcohol consumption and drive themselves home after the sessions. Rude druid instead invited themselves to crash at the host couple’s house and forced an extremely uncomfortable “that’s not okay, we don’t really do that”. It’s at this point that I’ll remind you that the host couple has a kid and I’ll roll the clock back to a point in time when rude druid quit their job. While telling the story included details that used explicitly violent language. We assumed it was probably hyperbole, but several of us have experienced violence in a way that makes us very not okay with what they were saying. We expressed that sentiment at the time making it clear none of us were ok of threats of violence, even if they weren’t genuine. Rude druid went on to reiterate their anger several more times at various different sessions and to this date I don’t they would have done anything violent but it was WAY over the line and NOT the kind of person you welcome into your home with a young kid. Yet they still seemed completely shocked when trying to stay over at their house was met with a hard no. And finally came the day that we all had enough and the decision was made not to invite them back. Two members of the party were in the final semester of advanced degrees on top of their full time jobs and made it known that they needed to pause the game until after finals because they didn’t have the time or mental energy to commit to the game. The DM and other player immediately understood, wished them the best, and agreed to shelf the game until after graduation. Rude druid did everything in their power to guilt them into continuing to play stating that it would be “good for their mental health” despite this player being the exact opposite of who you’d want mental health advice from. Around this same time the entire crew also attended the DMs birthday party where Rude Druid tried pressuring DM and Fighter to stay while over imbibing in various substances legal in the state this story occurs. This player had to have a pipe physically taken out of their hands and told “you have to drive home, sober up” after repeatedly helping themselves to another attendees scoobie snacks and being an outright jerk to a number of other people in attendance. We had to do a bit of an apology tour with other good friends who were rightly pissed off at various drunken selfish antics and promised that they’d never have to deal with rude druid again.
Our collective limits had been reached, all the other party members got together and unanimously agreed to 86 the player from all of our lives. I wish rude druid the best and I truly hope they can learn to ever consider anyone other than themself, but I for one will not be there to see it.
Happy ending: the players all graduated with flying colors, the game is back on, and rude druid’s character has technically become an NPC that’s “over there” but honestly won’t ever come up again. The game lives on and the rest of us are still good friends with a newly raised bar for what it takes to sit at our table.
As promised, here’s a few easy rules to live by so that you won’t ever experience rude druid’s fall from grace.

• It’s your responsibility to get safely to and from the game. If you’re driving then keep yourself sober. If you can’t handle that, then you shouldn’t consume at all.
• Don’t invite yourself to other people’s house. It’s never okay to impose like that. It’s fine to ask “would anyone be willing to have me” but remember that it’s within everyone’s right to not volunteer.
• Value other people’s time. Remember that no one owes you 24 hours of chauffeur service just because you’re unemployed and bored.
• Don’t split the party or break the rules. Optimization is fine, cheating is not. DnD is a social game and everyone, including the DM, is supposed to have fun and take turns sharing the spotlight.
• Chew with your mouth closed FFS.

AITA for feeding my mom the same energy
I (f) have been having problems with my mom lately. She has shown me her true colors, like yelling and calling me and my sister names. For instance, we were at a gas station one time waiting for our dad to come and get us. My mom had a winning lottery card; but the cashier said she didn’t, so she got mad and started yelling at the cashier and making a scene embarrassing my sister and I. When we got into the car, she yelled at me and my sister, calling us punks for not helping her out (nothing we could’ve really done), and she stated that something was wrong with us for not helping her out.
On another occasion she was teaching me how to drive. I will admit that I don’t take criticism well under pressure. I just told her I didn’t want to drive anymore. She asked me why I was such a quitter and gave me a lecture. When I gave her an OK, she called me a bitch and left.
Now this is where everything happens. on Friday last minute my mom told us about a cousin's birthday that’s three hours away so we went to the store and bought some clothes some things I couldn't wear because of some issues to my body and she got mad at me about that and some outfits I didn't like then we go to buy some shoes at first they fit but then when I took the tag off they were loose so I couldn't wear them I tried to wear some heels I had but I can't really walk in them I thought it was better than walking around in some that would slip off any minute but my mom wasn't happy about that she was arguing about how late we are and just told me to stay home and she took my sister and left now since she’s back we haven't talked besides some mothers day stuff but she got mad when I was giving her the same rude energy she gives me and that I didn't say bye to her after a while she told me that while she’s still upset she still loves me and only wants what’s best for me I don't really hold grudges so I wanted to make sure I'm not making a big deal out of anything so, AITA?

I’m a freshman in college and last semester I met this guy who has kind of become my friend. I say kind of because we are friends through situation rather than choice. This guy is the president of a club that I became the secretary of on campus and a research student under one of my professors from last semester (who I am friends with) and because of this I see him often enough. He got ahold of my number after I became part of the club group chat and since then has privately and casually texted me, which I was at first uncomfortable about, but brushed it off as I didn’t think he was weird and his texts were normal. I didn’t really think anything was weird about him until this semester. He started randomly touching the ends of my hair and patting my head which I have repeatedly told him not to do which he completely ignores and continues doing anyways.
He also started getting upset if I forget to text him back (I have a lot going on in life and we are not close friends) He complains to my sister about it (she goes to the same college) and when he sees me on campus he says that “I need to fix my texting and communication problem.”
What really made me feel uncomfortable about him is that a few weeks ago we had a long conversation about random things, which was fine, until he started asking me what I was most afraid of. I brushed him off and said something silly, but he kept coming back to it throughout the conversation over and over and over again. I finaly said that I wasn’t afraid of anything (genuinely I’m not) and I threw the question back at him and he said “hmmm, I haven’t really thought about it”. We talked about favorite animals and he asked the question again “ what are you afraid of?” My sister came by and he abruptly changed the topic and became quiet.
Just before that conversation he invited my sister and I to a dinner party at his dorm and because I didn’t want to be rude, I said sure and went. While I was there we watched a movie and afterwards he brought out a guitar and said I could play it if I wanted to, then asked me to play some Spanish guitar. I asked how he knew that I could play Spanish guitar and he said that he had found and looked at my mom’s Facebook page and saw that she had posted some videos of my playing among other things like the cakes that I made for my sibling’s birthday and the things that I baked. It wouldn’t be so weird if it wasn’t for the fact that those posts and videos were from 2018 and he had dug through hundreds of videos and posts to find them. On top of that he never talked about any of the posts that pertained to my sister. Little while later he played music (for about three hours straight) and the entire playlist was romantic songs, to which he tried to get me to dance with him. He asked if my sister and I could dance and we both said we knew how to waltz. My sister offered to teach him how to, but he kept insisting that I do it, and to avoid awkwardness, I did it. I waltzed him right into the couch so I didn’t have to keep going as I was very uncomfortable.
After the conversation, I have been avoiding him as much as possible and texting him as little as possible which has been hard because he started to wait outside my classroom for me to get out of class and follow me around campus until I would leave (I commute). I ran into him at a college picnic about two weeks ago and when he saw me he abruptly turned away from the picnic and headed to his dorm. I was sitting with a few of the professors and they were all shocked that he would turn down free food. A little while later he came by and sat down next to me at a table and rubbed my back asking if I was okay (I have some health issues that he is aware of). I subtly moved away from him just far enough to let him know I was not comfortable with his attention and he got up in a huff and went to play a yard game. Every few minutes he would look over to see what I was doing and just stare. I stayed with the professors and didn’t leave until the picnic was over and walked back to the college with one of my professors.
His texting has become a little strange too. He used to rarely use any punctuation and now all of his texts are like this “(my name)!!! How are you??“ “ What are you doing?!?!?! Just about every single text has an exclamation mark after it.
Is this stalking or am I being too much?

It was my Covert Narcissistic mother’s birthday. So I sent her a quick email, “Happy Birthday, Mom! 😁🎉🎂” So she wouldn’t came after me about missing her birthday. She replied right away with this poem??, that she wrote me. Here it is….
Do you ne'r tire of the drama
Of the in-ness and the out-ness
the on and the off?
Does your soul not be weary
Your spirit sad
Your hope shatter
Your joy become ever elusive?
When comes the time
To stop
To forget
To live the joy of now
Is there possibility
Or
Is there only pain?

Please could I hear, if you don't mind, some people's experiences with taking fluoxetine? I think it's also called prozac (that came up when I looked online) I seriously need medication, since everyday I'm having some sort of suicidal/depressive/anxious dip. But I'm very nervous, I've never taken anything before for anxiety, and the list for the potential side effects is horrifying lol. I currently am on birth control, so I know the side effect lists are usually long and I likely won't get the terrible ones, but I'm so conflicted because everytime I have looked medication up, it's people saying: do not do this one, it ruined me, or the opposite and saying it helped. Not trying to be rude at all!
Also because I have highly suspected autism and do have PDA, I wonder if there's a difference in the way I'll react to it compared to others.
I'm not sure if this is important to add or not, but I didn't ask specifically for this one, I got prescribed it.
I'll probably have to stick to this medication though, if I will take one, because I'm underage and this is the only one they give minors I think.
Edit: ik you won't see this edit likely but thank you all for the replies! I'm going to try it. But I do have to drink my birthday alcohol collection first since it says no alcohol (○:

I’ve never posted here before, but this group has been so helpful to me just from reading other similar situations and advice. I wanted to create some background to make a post requesting advice a bit shorter.
Some background on me and examples of JustNoMILs behavior:

• Yes I’m in therapy.
• I have been with spouse for 10+ years, married for 7.
• JustNoMIL demanded an extended guest list to our wedding which she wasn’t financially contributing to and she invited people her son didn’t even know, then those people were rude to us at our wedding.
• We live 5 minutes fromJustNoMIL and FIL, my family is all 350 or more miles away.
• Spouse is employed in “family business” so basically his parents control our finances.
• JustNoMIL hasn’t tried to have a relationship with me (she doesn’t even know my siblings names).
• JustNoMIL has never liked me, but has been more of a bully recently.
• I have dietary restrictions and she will invite us to dinner but I have to bring my own food (fine) because she’ll say she has something for me but it has something I’m allergic to in it. Once she even told me to finish up the cooking for everyone else while they sit and eat together because it’s not like I can have it anyway.
• My spouse and I had a baby this past fall. Spouse and I set clear boundaries before baby (i.e. we want to share news of birth first, no photos or info online, must be vaccinated to visit in first 3 months, etc).
• JustNoMIL refused to come to my baby shower (because it’s against her beliefs) but then went to my SILs less than a year later.
• JustNoMIL announced our news (birth of child) to countless people without our permission before we had the opportunity to tell everyone in my immediate family (my sister was traveling internationally for her honeymoon and couldn’t be reached immediately).
• JustNoMIL threw a fit at my home the night I got back from the hospital after giving birth because she “didn’t have enough information” to properly share our news, that we asked to not be shared, with all of her friends.
• My baby and I didn’t go to JustNoMILs birthday lunch because there was an ice storm, her husband didn’t even go, and it wasn’t a major birthday (like 57 or something) so not a big deal. Many restaurants were closed and it was good baby wasn’t stuck in the cold for hours. JustNoMIL cried and manipulated my spouse saying that I should act like an adult. FIL told my spouse that he needs to “learn to control his wife. And that (I) need to grow up.”

At the rate things are going, I (41M) will be living alone and single on my birthday for the first time ever this year. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to deal with that.
I'm generally pretty introverted, and the circle of friends/family that I'd even be inclined to invite to any celebration is rather small. Besides that, I'm very much accustomed to other people making such arrangements and invitations for me.
I'm not really sure what I'm going to do this year. I don't think I'd really like to spend my birthday alone, but I can't really imagine putting together my own party and I think it would be rude to ask someone to arrange a party for me unless they spontaneously step up and offer to.
So, fellow lonesome introverts, how have y'all been handling this?

I (f) have been having problems with my mom lately. She has shown me her true colors, like yelling and calling me and my sister names. For instance, we were at a gas station one time waiting for our dad to come and get us. My mom had a winning lottery card; but the cashier said she didn’t, so she got mad and started yelling at the cashier and making a scene embarrassing my sister and I. When we got into the car, she yelled at me and my sister, calling us punks for not helping her out (nothing we could’ve really done), and she stated that something was wrong with us for not helping her out.
On another occasion she was teaching me how to drive. I will admit that I don’t take criticism well under pressure. I just told her I didn’t want to drive anymore. She asked me why I was such a quitter and gave me a lecture. When I gave her an OK, she called me a bitch and left.
Now this is where everything happens. on Friday last minute my mom told us about a cousin's birthday that’s three hours away so we went to the store and bought some clothes some things I couldn't wear because of some issues to my body and she got mad at me about that and some outfits I didn't like then we go to buy some shoes at first they fit but then when I took the tag off they were loose so I couldn't wear them I tried to wear some heels I had but I can't really walk in them I thought it was better than walking around in some that would slip off any minute but my mom wasn't happy about that she was arguing about how late we are and just told me to stay home and she took my sister and left now since she’s back we haven't talked besides some mothers day stuff but she got mad when I was giving her the same rude energy she gives me and that I didn't say bye to her after a while she told me that while she’s still upset she still loves me and only wants what’s best for me I don't really hold grudges so I wanted to make sure I'm not making a big deal out of anything so, AITA?

(20 M) Please note that this is just my opinion. I apologize in advance if I hurt any locals with what I'm about to say.
Background: My family and I used to live in Las Piñas, but then my father got assigned here. (He works in a specific government agency.) I still remember the day we first went to this province, we had our vacation here, also intent on scouting the new house my father bought. It was mid 7 out of 10, but we loved it because it was in the city, and the commute was not a drag.
I studied here for my 9th and 10th grade, then my mother got accepted in Canada for an admin job, so we left. We have just returned after 4 years and damn was I shocked.
Traffic: Holy fuckin shit, from the new airport, which by the way, was also a shocker, we spent atleast 40 minutes in transit because turns out, tricycles were banned from the national roads. (Whatever the fuck that means.) Yes, we do own a car, BUT, the car was left inside our garage, basically rotting for years, soooooo, you know how it is, plus we could have ridden a taxi, but nooooo, my father, being a nationalistic person as he is, convinced us to ride a tricycle because "They were the backbone of the Palaweño tourism back in the day.". (W Dad) We went through a small road passing by a hospital, and noticed that The Legend Hotel was looking kinda ugly, so I diligently asked the driver what happened, if this was a new theme, but then he told me that they went bankrupt. (Goodbye to my birthday parties memories ig) Then, we turned left into a long curvy road, where it lead us to Tiniguiban. (I know Tiniguiban because we live there lol). As we were traveling, I saw buildings from areas where trees used to blossom. Seriously, what happened to all that "The Last Frontier" bullshit.
People's General Mannerism: I don't know if it's the culture shock or something but I found a lot of the locals rude, I asked one "officer-looking" guy where the proper terminal for the jeepney was, and he said "Dun sa dulo, nakikita mo namang maraming tao dun e". Then when I was in Robinson, I asked a security guard where Watson's was and he just pointed to the escalator. "Second floor." Like, okay, I'm sounding a little bit egotistic here, but are they not trained to help people in need?
PRICES, THE FOOOOKIN PRICES! Do they think everyone in Palawan are tourists? When I buy from sari-sari stores, the prices are always double that of one in a grocery, and don't tell me that it's inflation, because we've been to romblon and the prices there are not this steep. The gas?!!!! 70PHP/1.6CAD For a liter? Hilarious.
Overall, I don't like what Palawan had become, but it's not enough of a reason to make me hate staying here. The views are still nice, the city has flourished, but I'm still in shock, after all, we are only 5 months in as of posting this. I think I can understand all of this in the nick of time.
Also also also!! I'm looking for some friends to hang out with, I've lost contact with my past friends here and I'm not desperate enough to try and use facebook again.
I'm sorry for the long read but I just needed to get this off my chest. I am no elitist and I sincerely hope non of you good people get offended. Thank you very much. Have a nice day.

I don't have friends to tell this to so I'm just letting strangers on here. Back story a friend and I have recently have become friends again after some drama that happened sophomore year (now junior year) ever since we became friends again it hasn't been the same at first we would talk a lot, and even hangout but recently ! feel that she doesn't want to be friends anymore she's been extremely distant from me and would be rude towards me like this one time i straighten my hair and I showed her, her response( your hair is uneven) and proceeded to roll her eyes at me and continues to talk to her friends like nothing we share the same friend group). I thought she was mad at something so I just let it go. She has a new best friend and I feel replaced it's sad from me to see them having a relationship that her and I used to have. I feel like she only became friends with me again so she can rub it in my face that she's better off without me and I'm easy to replace. I know I have " friends" to talk to but at this point I just don't see them as my friends I just see them as people I sit with at lunch so l'm not alone. One of the people in are friend group had recently had a pool party for their birthday I found this out by a TikTok video they posted with the caption ( the group is all here ) this made me feel even more depressed it made me realize that they don't see me as a apart of there friend group. I don't know what to do, I cry a lot at night because of this I feel alone I feel like I'm nobody's first choice, we all talk at lunch but they would never text me it's been months since one of them texted me. When someone is late to school they would all be blowing up there phones trying to see what happened or where there at but with me I can miss a whole week and NONE of them even text me to see if I'm ok, my phone is dry literally dry the only notifications I get are from Snapchat memories, I don't want to leave the "group" because I don't want to be alone. I'm stuck I don't know what to do at this point. P.S I'm sorry for any miss spelled words I'm not the best at writing or telling stories

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year now and I’ve gotten really close to his sister. I love her to death and we’ve gotten close like really good friends! To the point where she told my boyfriend if we’d ever break up (God Forbid) that she would still keep me in her life!! Well anyways we always do girls night and recently I invited her to my birthday dinner with my friends ! One of my friends asked who was she towards me and I said my friend and then they asked how did we meet and I said she’s my boyfriend’s sister. I told her I think it’s so cringe to say that at times because there’s a little more backstory to how I really met my friend (sis-n-law). I was telling my boyfriend this and he thinks it’s more cringe I don’t call her my boyfriend’s sister and instead just my friend. I explain that’s how she introduces me and she’s even said “why do ppl care to ask, why can’t two pretty girls be friends”. But he said no, that if he was in my shoes he would introduce them as my siblings and not friends. I said okay tomato ,tomato! She didn’t care about it because she doesn’t think it matters!
I feel bad about the whole thing now. I always introduce her as my friend but, can this be considered as being disrespectful to my boyfriend ? Rude ? Are we blowing it out of proportion ? Is he just being dramatic about it? I want to be sympathetic to him and his feelings and don’t want to make it seem like I’m not validating how he feels. Half of me thinks he’s being dramatic and the other half thinks I might be inconsiderate.

(It got too long, sorry, but I needed to explain) I (27F) met this INTJ online (28M) and we talked for about 3 months. Our messages were really deep and we exchanged and shared many values and it felt like we developed a deep connection and shared many views or future visions (marriage, kids etc).. we became closer until we almost every day alept on the phone (he is from another country). He said so many seeet things which even surprised me and I'm a bit shy in the beginning to say such things. But he made me thaw and open up more and more until we both became kinda lovey dovey like a couple. (But wanted to wait till we meet) I wanted to go to his country again anyway, but he gave me another reason to look forward to it a lot. It seemed so obvious that we will start a relationship after meeting that we even searched for Airbnbs together (like for 2 people).
So I went there, he was picking me up from the airport with flowers. But within the first days of my 1,5 month stay he told me he thinks he can't have a relationship now.
Now about all the more confusing things (only the things he did): - He said he started to worry earlier, so not just suddenly. But to me he kept the lovey dovey behaviour up till we met. He even kissed me the first weekend we stayed together. And he cried in my arms while talking about the not being together. - He still spent my whole stay together with me everyday, even though he had to come late after work. He cared so much for me, always asked me if I'm hungry and brought food etc. or cooked for me - Everyday before and after his work we hugged each other and wished us a good day - He told his mom and brother about me during my stay, how kind I am etc and told me his mom said she wants to meet me (why would he mention that though?) - Even though he mentioned one worry is money and time he invited me to eat out a lot and always insisted to pay except for the times I managed to give my card earlier. Even though I told him I don't care about money or his job. We all started somewhere. And I care about him as a person. - I asked for more reasons and he said there are so many worries, more about himself and that he can't tell me everything - He mentioned that I have so many "perfect girlfriend" attributes and something a man would want and wife material, but maybe some men could also think they are not good enough (maybe he also thought that?) - I told him that I usually don't like situations like this, like couple behavioubeing close like this without relationship. He agreed but he said that I am different/we are different. And when I mentioned that maybe because of that we shouldn't stay together in one place he looked really sad and in the end we stayed together till the end and I tried my best to maybe lose his fears/make him feel comfortable and enjoy time with him - He has nobody to talk to other than his family and me, because he prefers to be alone and has no friends. so it meant even more to me that he spent so much time and seemed to like me. - He said I'm a gift to him, the biggest one in his life - He told me how precious I am to him - He said he wants to always help me - He called me "cutie" in my language a lot - We practiced our languages together - Towards the end he opened up more and became more and more comfortable with me, he also mentioned then that he doesn't know if he is deserving of a relationship and when I told him that he seems quite confused he admitted that - He also became more "close" Like hugs or cuddling (not more), like initiated by him - Sometimes he said things quite randomly/surprisingly, like when we were outside he one time said that usually when he is alone he feels nothing, but with me he is happy. Later he also said that multiple times again, that with me every moment was happy and he thanked me for that - He said he also feels guilty, but guilt is not a big reason to spend time with me, if he wouldn't like spending time with me, he wouldn't - Till the end I was in his phone as "My home " with a emoji with the hearts around the head - He made me a very expensive gift in the last night before I left (even though he mentioned that his job isn't that great etc), he thought about it from before I went there - he held my hand when we went to the airport - He said I shouldn't worry too much and we will meet again and can still text, call and maybe videocall
All this effort and how he thinks about me, but being so unsure about his feelings confused me so much. I always wondered why would make someone such effort even after rejecting someone and spend so much time? So I believed in his words and I thought he is just confused and very unsure about himself and his life, from what I felt.
After I left the country he wrote things like he wants to go home together and how thankful he is and happy he was etc. We still texted afterwards but I also always kept the hope, even afterwards. He said I can't change his decision easily, but why are his actions so different from his decision? I asked him clearly if we really won't be ever able to be together, because I thought it's easier for me to accept it and move on after a clear statement. But even the response to that was unclear. Because he said something like "For your sake I think it's right to say that this is right. But you also could feel my heart"
I left him a birthday gift before I left, becaus his birthday was upcoming. And he sent me pictures after opening and also longer messages how it's touching and to thank me a lot. And also saying that I am luck to him and etc. It made me happy that the personalised gift seemed to mean a lot to him. But some days later I noticed he texted less and his responds took so long. (for the first time in months) So I asked him if he is OK? And that I thought he maybe wants to not text that much anymore or that there is a problem.. but it made him go into lecture mode, that I shouldn't assume things, because that's not the case etc. So I felt a bit sorry to express my feelings but I also told him that he also can always tell me when he needs space or something and I just try to understand him better. But he also told me he wished I wouldn't try to understand better. In my case I think an effort to understand each other better is needed though for human relationships. He later also apologised in the middle of the night, that he never wanted to hurt me but did now and that he just doesn't want me to hurt alone anymore. And I also thanked him for caring about me (since his lecturing way is also one of his ways of caring and it also helps me).
He also said if he wouldn't want to text with me or value me he wouldn't do this lecturing and just not respond. After that we exchanged a few longer positive/appreciative messages for 2 days and onto my last one he only put a heart reaction and didn't reply anymore. He liked my story when I wrote a poem in his language which was about him (nobody would know) and saying he shouldn't be too hard on himself. He still looks at my story and didn't change the stickers on his profile (which represented us) etc. I wondered if I should reach out, because it's on my mind everyday too much. Since almost 3 weeks now. But I also said and did everything I could during our time. And I also want to give him space to figure himself and his life out because he spent so much time on me before and he seems very confused about what he wants in life.. I still don't think he is someone who just says meaningful things easily..
I feel like it can't be the end like this.. Do you think he would come back by himself after some time?

My friend (26F) and I (24F) have known each other for two years now and have always got on pretty well. We have spent a good amount of time together, text a lot, and are generally there for each other when the other needs advice. We also spend a lot of time together as couples, as both of our boyfriends are also friends. This year, my friend and I decided to organise a holiday together as a couples thing. She was pretty insistent that we would have a great time in Berlin, as she had been there before several times and really wanted to go again. Not wanting to rock the boat, I said it sounded like a good plan, and soon we had flights and airbnb booked for all four of us. Things immediately started to feel off as soon as we arrived. Despite my boyfriend and I asking if we could organise activities/things to do in the city prior to the trip, no plans ever materialised. So by the time we landed and arrived at our Airbnb, we unpacked and began to look up fun stuff to do. My friend, let’s call her Katie, immediately shot down our suggestions, saying she had no interest in planning anything while on holiday, insisting that she prefers to “live in the moment”. We were initially okay with this, as we thought we might stroll through the city and stumble on some fun attractions, or she might show us around, as she was the one who picked Berlin as a destination - but pretty soon we realised that Katie, trailed by her boyfriend, didn’t want to do anything at all. When my boyfriend and I suggested museums or tourist attractions to visit, she was never interested, and even left the few things we booked early, claiming she was bored and too “caged in”. I was fairly tolerant of this behaviour in museums, they can be loud, crowded and sometimes pretty repetitive if you go to a large one - but her need to be outside in nature in a major tourist city began to derail the holiday. We would often be walking around and she would need to leave with her bf to “find a tree”, leaving my boyfriend and I to ourselves. Soon, we began to abandon the idea that this trip was a group holiday and began booking stuff just for ourselves. We went to a few museums and even booked a fun boat tour. In an effort to do something more on her level and bring the group back together, we eventually asked if they’d like to come along to the botanical gardens - where she also proceeded to get bored after ten minutes, and left to go and find a different tree. All of this would be permissible if there weren’t other issues. Katie is a vegan, which is totally fine, and often when we went out for meals, we made an effort to find places with a decent vegan menu for her. However, due to her unwillingness to research or book anything, we found ourselves often walking around the city for extended periods of time in a bid to find somewhere suitable to eat. I offered to look up places but that idea was shot down several times. Katie would get visibly more and more frustrated the further we walked and would suggest we just eat at the next place we found. Then, when said place would inevitably have a bad vegan selection, she would insist we eat there so as to not hold up dinner time any further, only to hold onto resentment and grow angry that there was nothing for her to eat. She would also repeatedly try and order things that weren’t on the menu at restaurants, and generally treat wait staff with a level of rudeness that I found really embarrassing. In our two years of solid friendship, I’d never seen her like this before. Prior to the trip, she and her boyfriend also withdrew the entire contents of their bank accounts in order to covert their money to euros. Despite warning her that most places in major cities are cashless these days, she didn’t listen, and proceeded to bring an excessive amount of money in cash only. This meant that me and my boyfriend ended up paying for everything all the time, and when we tried to bring up them giving us what they owed in cash, Katie would flippantly say something like “I prefer just to spend on holiday and not think about it” and would hand us either too much or too little in cash, without any thought. Ultimately, after days of this, she and my boyfriend had a little argument, as she kept talking about how she was sick of the city and needed to be in nature. My boyfriend, admittedly quite frustrated, said “maybe you shouldn’t have booked a city break then”. This proceeded to spark an argument which, although didn’t last more than half an hour and was squashed in the moment, caused great tension for the rest of the trip. We returned home a few days ago and haven’t had any contact from her or her boyfriend. I just wanted advice on where to go from here, am I in the right for thinking her behaviour was unreasonable? Should I call her out on completely ruining my holiday? Additionally, it feels like she’s not the friend I thought I had and this experience has shown me a totally different side to her. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind if I never had to contact her again after this, but it’s my birthday next week and I think she wants to plan a get together for me. Any advice would be appreciated.

I’m a freshman in college and last semester I met this guy who has kind of become my friend. I say kind of because we are friends through situation rather than choice. This guy is the president of a club that I became the secretary of on campus and a research student under one of my professors from last semester (who I am friends with) and because of this I see him often enough. He got ahold of my number after I became part of the club group chat and since then has privately and casually texted me, which I was at first uncomfortable about, but brushed it off as I didn’t think he was weird and his texts were normal. I didn’t really think anything was weird about him until this semester. He started randomly touching the ends of my hair and patting my head which I have repeatedly told him not to do which he completely ignores and continues doing anyways.
He also started getting upset if I forget to text him back (I have a lot going on in life and we are not close friends) He complains to my sister about it (she goes to the same college) and when he sees me on campus he says that “I need to fix my texting and communication problem.”
What really made me feel uncomfortable about him is that a few weeks ago we had a long conversation about random things, which was fine, until he started asking me what I was most afraid of. I brushed him off and said something silly, but he kept coming back to it throughout the conversation over and over and over again. I finaly said that I wasn’t afraid of anything (genuinely I’m not) and I threw the question back at him and he said “hmmm, I haven’t really thought about it”. We talked about favorite animals and he asked the question again “ what are you afraid of?” My sister came by and he abruptly changed the topic and became quiet.
Just before that conversation he invited my sister and I to a dinner party at his dorm and because I didn’t want to be rude, I said sure and went. While I was there we watched a movie and afterwards he brought out a guitar and said I could play it if I wanted to, then asked me to play some Spanish guitar. I asked how he knew that I could play Spanish guitar and he said that he had found and looked at my mom’s Facebook page and saw that she had posted some videos of my playing among other things like the cakes that I made for my sibling’s birthday and the things that I baked. It wouldn’t be so weird if it wasn’t for the fact that those posts and videos were from 2018 and he had dug through hundreds of videos and posts to find them. On top of that he never talked about any of the posts that pertained to my sister. Little while later he played music (for about three hours straight) and the entire playlist was romantic songs, to which he tried to get me to dance with him. He asked if my sister and I could dance and we both said we knew how to waltz. My sister offered to teach him how to, but he kept insisting that I do it, and to avoid awkwardness, I did it. I waltzed him right into the couch so I didn’t have to keep going as I was very uncomfortable.
After the conversation, I have been avoiding him as much as possible and texting him as little as possible which has been hard because he started to wait outside my classroom for me to get out of class and follow me around campus until I would leave (I commute). I ran into him at a college picnic about two weeks ago and when he saw me he abruptly turned away from the picnic and headed to his dorm. I was sitting with a few of the professors and they were all shocked that he would turn down free food. A little while later he came by and sat down next to me at a table and rubbed my back asking if I was okay (I have some health issues that he is aware of). I subtly moved away from him just far enough to let him know I was not comfortable with his attention and he got up in a huff and went to play a yard game. Every few minutes he would look over to see what I was doing and just stare. I stayed with the professors and didn’t leave until the picnic was over and walked back to the college with one of my professors.
His texting has become a little strange too. He used to rarely use any punctuation and now all of his texts are like this “(my name)!!! How are you??“ “ What are you doing?!?!?! Just about every single text has an exclamation mark after it.
Should I tell someone about this? Is this stalking or am I being too much?

I’m very familiar with MBTI but newer to socionics. Whenever I take Socionics tests I end up with one of two results. I’m curious to see if they are completely off base or if I’m charting the right course in my own self reflection. So here is the usual questionnaire for your typing consideration. Thank you for your time!
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• I heavily considered skipping this question as I’d honestly rather just have the money to live and have the free time pursue my own ideas and whims. However, I have a Fine Arts degree with Digital Illustration. At one point I considered being an engineer. While I’m good at math & data the construction part of it all seemed so tedious compared to the idea stages. Computer programs always come naturally to me so digital art was no exception and I was able to bring the fantastical ideas I have in my brain to life. Storytelling in particular was always the appeal.
  
• I currently work a very niche retail. I am always tired after it as I can’t stand long-term socialization, feel under-paid and under-appreciated and hate the unpredictable schedule. It is not a difficult job though, has good benefits, and it revolves around a fantasy, imaginative theme that I have in depth knowledge on. I get to personality type as part of it too. I also do freelance illustration on the side, particularly for ttrpgs. I would rather make all my living from home.
  

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I’m into typology (if that wasn’t obvious) and have been since I was very young. It really helps me to understand the very confusing behavior of humans & their emotions. Prone to rabbit hole diving on the internet for hours and hours, especially when it comes to a current hyper-fixation. I love to learn and know everything about what I’m into. I dream of being one of those people with the old 90s style webpages that have an in depth history of a product dating back from its invention to current day. My procrastinating habit will probably never let me do it though.
  
• Very much enjoy reading. Favorite genres are Fantasy, Psychology & Mythology. I also love deep dive analysis/true crime/psychology videos on youtube. I have a passion for theme parks and their history. I also love music and can play a few instruments and sing. I’m a big fan of D&D and am part of 4 campaigns currently. The character invention is my favorite part of the process.
  

What are your values, and why?

• I don’t think much about values. It doesn’t play much into my day to day but I guess - Independence. Creativity. Autonomy. Balance. Nonviolence. Curiosity. Open-mindedness? It’s easier to come up with values I don’t hold in high regard than ones I do.

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• Very hands off approach with family. I moved 1000+ miles away from them not because of negative interactions but rather just priority to myself.

Dad: I enjoy his company a lot. We are both very logical and practical and are fine with low communication. He’s always supported my interests, passions, and creativity no matter how weird he found them to be.
Mom: I love her but in childhood she often worried about me being socially behind and would berate me with concerns over finding more friends or a romantic partner. What she preferred to talk about felt very frivolous to me (clothing, family drama ect). Often told me I was too critical to her (“made her feel stupid”) which was never my intention. I’ve known her to be overly emotional and clingy at times but she got me into music and raised me with kindness which I appreciated.
Sister: Has always been the source of frustration for me as she is very reactive, confrontational and requires a lot of attention and affection which I do not give. Very opposite to me.

I will talk about my friends in the next question.
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• I have 3 friends plus a partner. 3 seems to be the consistent number in my life as any more and I cannot upkeep the relationships. When I am first making friends it is usually due to sharing the same passion/interests. I need people around me who are privy to the same activities I am - art, computers, ttrpgs, niche media, psychology, ect - so I have topics of discussion that are full of depth and fascination and do not have to struggle through the “how’s your day” sort of thing. It’s important that my friend are accepting of the strange and unusual (we all ended up being queeneurodivergent) not prone to drama or emotional outbursts and not very into outdoorsy/social activities. I don’t do sports (watching or otherwise), clubs, drinking, or parties (I do enjoy intimate social get togethers that I have a purpose/theme, however).
  
• In romance I believe I’ve found the perfect person for me already. My partner is very complimentary. We were friends first and though our personalities were very different we had similar interests. They were sure to not scare me off by taking things very slow. (Ex: I dislike most all physical touch and they were super respectful in always asking for permission to hug me at first) They are much more direct and confrontational than I am and infinitely better with emotions and understanding social dynamics. They’ll do the talking when I don’t want to and push the physical tasks whenever I am struggling to motivate. They remember the little things about me like my preferences in aesthetic, interest and food and if it is a hair wash day or not and are very observant to notice if I have neglected things towards myself like forgetting to eat or drink in a day. Being on equal footing is very important to me. We work together, as a team, always.
  

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• Most recent would be with my sister. Her wedding is this year and I wanted to gift her my artwork for her invitations. We set a deadline and a plan. She texts me, a week and a half before we agreed on and says she’s disappointed it wasn’t done yet - that she believes I don’t care about her or her wedding and never make any effort so maybe I should just forget it. She saw the explanation I gave her when she asked for when it would be done as an excuse. I felt completely confused and blindsided. I sent a screen-cap of the exact timeframe we agreed upon. No, I’m not messaging you about your wedding constantly (it’s your event not mine) I’m doing what was asked of me and making effort the best I can. I made a neutral reply to which she apologized later. Otherwise I can’t think of the last actual conflict I was a part of.

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• I’m told often that I am super knowledgable and a great resource. My friends tell me I should write a book due to my ability to understand things quickly and relay them in a digestible but detailed manner. I’m great at editing things (film/graphics/writing). I can come up with many innovative solutions and ideas that others are impressed by. I get complimented on my unique perspective and hard work. I’ve been told I’m approachable and never cause problems. I value my intelligence, logic, open-mindedness and creativity.

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I struggle motivating myself to start any task that isn’t related to my chosen fixation. I procrastinate even on things I love. I’m not goal oriented and would rather just imagine or research things all day than put anything into action. I’m embarrassingly bad at replying to texts and cannot make phone calls or order at a restaurant without repetitive rehearsal in my head.
  
  • I have been criticized for being apathetic, procrastinating, weird, too private and stubborn. My partner has been upset at me trying to find solutions and seeing all sides when they just wants to express their feelings.

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I don’t need help with critical thinking, routine, introspection, idea generation, artistry, spirituality, learning, diet, or relationships (I’m good with the ones I have as they are thanks).
  
• I need more help with doing lol. Not letting my idea just stay in my head. Striving for goals and standing up for myself. Not overthinking things. I am also bad at purposeful fitness or making health appointments because it’s very out of sight out of mind. I’ve always been quite healthy naturally but when I’m not I don’t do much to fix it. I just hope it goes away.
  

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike socializing 9/10 or participating in any form of career competition (marketing and networking are awful). Phone calls are anxiety inducing. I hate to be the center of attention unless I’m accurately prepared for it. Surprises in social settings are horrible (please don’t have the restaurant sing to me on my birthday). I don’t get any joy from clubbing, drinking, recreational drugs, gym activities, watching sports or going to the beach.
  
• It’s hard to gauge. I’d say I like researching & brainstorming more than others. I enjoy hypothesizing the meaning and significance of things more than most (like film analysis). Making categorizations and sorting is fun both in my brain and in physicality. I love cooking, taking quizzes, creating playlists and almost never get lonely when I am alone.
  

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• Just to be happy. I am content with most of my life at the moment. I would like to get a better job, to own a house and to get married to my partner but it is not a pressing priority at the moment.

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I have a good eye for decorating. Though, I find I usually only have the motivation when starting in a completely new space. Updating a place after having it for a while happens rarely, slowly, and in only small ways. I lean more minimalist (I hate spending money unless it’s really worth it) but I love creating color palettes, themes and making sure things match. I prefer to be comfortable and for my surroundings to be calming but also reflective of my passions. Making sure things stay tidy is a whole different story, however, as I will leave clothes on the floor and forget to put things away often. It’s gotten better with age and some strategies (like bins to toss things in instead of folding).

If you won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, what would you do?

• Bold of you to assume winning the lottery would mean I didn’t have to work anymore in this economy (I kid. I kid). No longer having to work would be a dream come true. I’d of course invest & save first to protect myself against any monetary troubles that could arise in the future. After that I would travel. Explore all the places I could possibly want, indulge in specialty items, food and experiences- museums and libraries from all over the world especially. Once I’m done with that, or perhaps even during, I would work on my creative ideas that I’ve felt I never have time for. Writing a book, drawing animatics for my characters, update my portfolio, inventions ect ect.

What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?

• Quirkiness, nonconformity & authenticity in lifestyle is very admirable to me. I encourage when children ask probing questions because too often they are put down for curiosity instead of given answers. I love when people infodump about their interests because even if I may have zoned out I’d want them to listen to me too.
  
• I am annoyed by the emphasis on pleasantries (“How are the kids?, Did you see that new movie?) and how it can impact others opinions of you if you don’t partake in them. Unprovoked advice/demands are always irritating. People comparing themselves, competing or “rating” others or talking a lot about their bodies, is confusing to me and awkward.
  

How do you behave around strangers?

• Depends on the setting really. Default is distant. I never introduce myself or approach first unless it is a requirement. If I am working I am expected to be approachable and friendly but I’m usually mentally checked out and just performing the tasks in those instances. Whatever gets them to leave me alone so I can go back to my thoughts is preferable. I’m never rude, however, and can mask really well. If they are talking about something interesting there’s a chance I might engage on my own or to share my insight. I have a tendency to observe and listen in on others conversations.

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• I avoid conflict as much as I can. I’m really good at going around situations and premeditating what might cause discontentment before it happens. Most all of my friends have claimed to have never seen me angry but would be horrified if I ever was. I find myself to be the bigger person in most cases. I can put on an unfazed expression because it doesn’t really matter. Inside I might feel anxious and raging so I will likely flee as soon as I am able. I’ll process my feelings on the situation later when I’m alone. I’ve never faced physical violence so I can’t really say what I would do there. Observing conflict between others makes me embarrassed and I usually leave the space if I can. I can easily see all sides to a situation but hate the outward explosion of emotions. I will try and be a good mediator if the situation is calm enough for it.

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• I have an etsy for freelance/convention art/commissions/merch so I suppose that counts. I’m not very good at the marketing and networking angle required, just the conceptualizing part. Though I like the idea of the freedom of working for myself at my own pace, I worry I might not be able to keep myself motivated and would rather be a background support to an already existing company. I already struggle with completing the tasks on time. Maybe one day I’ll find something niche enough that could make me money out of my interests.

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• I dress comfortably but to my personal aesthetic taste. Modest overall. I still have some clothing I’ve had since being a teen for practicality sake. Nothing fancy or specific. I have a particular color palette (earth tones) I chose to only buy so that way it stops me from analysis paralysis in selecting new clothes. I wear minimal makeup just to cover blemishes (to the point my roommate did not realize I was wearing it for years). I have never died my hair and cut it twice a year or so myself as keeping it natural and long is the least amount of maintenance possible. I don’t think about my appearance much unless I’m going to a themed event where I make an effort.

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Not much. I’m staunchly childfree and have never found a baby I deemed “cute”. They’re loud, gross and unpredictable and I could never deal with them 24/7. I’m not bad at interacting with them, however, they seem to like me quite a bit. I admire their curiosity and when they are polite. Working with kids is much easier than being around them in my free time.

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I felt quite fulfilled when I completed my first book (Illustrated/written/designed by me) or whenever I get selected as a representative expert on something in order to problem solve or relay information. I don’t care about the attention so much as the validation that my internal view of my skills now has a quantifiable external result.

I was married to my ex for five years. We have a daughter together. On my birthday, she gave me a "hall pass" as in a coupon which said permission to have sex outside of marriage for a year, As many times with as many people. Just dont get an STI,
I knew it was real but I laughed at it. Three months went by and I did not capitalize on it and she would ask why? I told her this is silly and she would say, "all men want it. go do it,"
Then I met my current wife. She lived in our neighborhood but wasn't a close neighbor. I had told her about the coupon when it was given to me. She had asked, "how was your birthday?" and I said great and then showed her that. She was like, "If I was married, I dont think Id be secure enough to give my husband that."
So every time we would meet in the park she would be like "Im curious if you acted on it?" I was like "No." She would say "smart man," My wife meanwhile would ask if I banged anyone and Id say no. We would then go into escort sites and check women out. She would say things like "you and her would look so hot" and things like that. Then we booked an escort and I had sex with her. I told my wife and she said, "You have 8 more months of freedom!" No jealousy!
I told my wife (woman from our neighborhood back then) and she was very fascinated. I noticed that she started coming to the park with a bit of a make up and cleavage. I asked her if she wanted to have sex? We went to her apartment and did it. I told my wife and she said "How could you choose her? She is fat!"
My wife is not fat. She is sturdy and curvaceous, All boobs and butt! Now if you look at her with her loose clothes on, she seems heavy. When clothes come off, it is a very different matter. But to my wife, she was "fat." Anyway, I started having frequent and passionate sex with her and my wife then knew it. Things became bad between me and her. She would pick up some random thing and fight.
She never said she was upset that I was having sex with my wife. She would find other things. It took me sometime to figure out that this was bothering her, She was fine with me fucking escorts for some reason but a woman that she considered "fat" she did not like.
I stopped seeing my current wife instantly. We tried to work on our relationship and I even suggested therapy but my ex was too proud to accept that she was being jealous. When we parted ways, she took all the evidence of me sleeping around, including my current wife's explicit texts and shared it with my mother who is an extremely conservative and devout woman. I told her that she had given me a hall pass, but whatever evidence I had of it would not convince mom. My daughter was not coping well with this change and mom blamed me for cheating and I did not do it.
Two years after my divorce, my current wife asked me out. She took me on a date, We had a great time, went back and had great sex, A few days later, I proposed. We got married but my mom and my whole family hate her. We are often not invited to family events and when we are then it is rude behavior.
After and exchange of words between my sister and my wife, I am deciding to cut them off completely but before I do that, I was wondering if there is anyway of having them give her some respect? The woman did nothing wrong here.

TRIGGER WARNING NSFW (kinda) Honestly, I’m not too sure how deep I’ll get into this, but just warning in general incase something that isn’t triggering to ~me~ may trigger somebody else, but rn I’m fueled with anger and I’m basically gonna word vomit here. Sorry in advance if this ends up being long (Also. Not actually SIL, just my bf’s sister- wanted to make the title easier to understand) I’ve been with my bf for a couple years now, and we’ve been friends for a while before dating, and at that time I LOVED his family. They were all sweet to me and whatnot, but then I met his little sister. She was also nice to me at first, but it would sometimes bug me when she’d come bother my bf n I when we would hangout since at the time we didn’t see each other often due to conflicting schedules. The first issue I had with her was when she made a “joke” saying she’s “stealing my boyfriend” when she was hugging him one day and all I said was “ew”, it just rubbed me in a weird way, like she was hinting at a possible emotional incestuous feeling towards him, and I felt uncomfortable. I know that was a stretch so I just left it at it being a bad joke. Also, at this time she was in a 2 year committed relationship that was falling apart because she confided in me that she cheated and her (now ex) bf couldn’t get over that hurt and broke up with her. Idk about y’all, but I DESPISE cheaters. Even with that fact, I still tried to comfort and support her because I wanted to have a good bond with her since the both of us are the only girls in our families. The thing that I found out very quickly was that she’s a HUGE attention seeker and LOVES to play victim in almost everything! After she stopped crying about the break up- she went to go and date the DUDE SHE CHEATED ON HER EX WITH. Then dumped him because she wasn’t over her ex!! But then started crying AGAIN because her ex moved on🤦🏽‍♀️. Soon after that ordeal, she started dating again on tinder and found her current bf that I now hate because he’s just as bad as her. On my bf’s birthday, we planned a surprise party for him and everything was going fine until the party actually started and all of a sudden he walks out saying he “doesn’t feel like he belongs there” and her being her, she starts crying and everyone is just trying to console her on her brother’s birthday. My bf didn’t really care but I was just so annoyed that she couldn’t fix this on her own with her man instead of complaining to us about it. When they first got together, she’s told me repeatedly how much he’s made her feel bad and every time she’d cry about it, yet still boasts about him online saying she wants to marry him (they’re still not a year into dating yet). And it just gets worst. Couple months back, I started spending one day a week to help my bf do his chores while he’s at work since he has back problems and can’t bend down or move quickly without feeling immense pain, so I wanted to help. I have a spare key to his house (he lives with his family still), and on the 3rd week of doing this, mind you her other siblings are still home, I walk in to hearing her and her bf going at it LOUD. I personally don’t care what she does behind closed doors, but I was in a middle of a conversation with her sibling while this was happening and I couldn’t believe she would let the entire house know her business like this. Not to mention, I don’t want to know what they’re doing to begin with! I just felt so uncomfortable and gross to be there. Speaking about her bf, multiple times he’s disrespected my bf in front of me AND her, to which she LAUGHS off, but then he treats their house like his own, and as a “guest”, I just find it incredibly rude to be this comfortable in a place you don’t contribute into paying nor actually living in. She’s also been throwing tantrums to her parents about my bf and I saying how it’s unfair that I’m allowed to sleep over when I actually talked to his parents about it and in general have a decent bond with them and the rest of her family when her bf doesn’t bother to form any relationship with any other family members at all, not to mention that again- been with my bf for YEARS while they’re only MONTHS in!! Which ultimately made his parents refuse to let me stay overnight anymore. And that was only the beginning. She always liked to make herself out to be the “best sister in the world” when she always expected my bf to clean up after the messes SHE causes, and refuses to acknowledge any accountability she’s responsible for. One example is that after that whole “walk-in” incident, I grew so physically disturbed/disgusted that I became too anxious to even walk back into their house later that day, to the point I was visibly-uncontrollably shaking. I tried to be the bigger person and calmly texted her how I felt only for her to go scream at my bf to “deal with me” and for him to tell me she won’t do that again. I tried so hard not to paint her the bad guy in my texts, but she still went on to ignore me and end our “sisterly” relationship there. We’re still ignoring each other, but almost every other day my bf would complain to me about how much more whining and issues she’s crying to their mom about him that always end with him arguing and screaming with his mom over. And even tho his sister claims she has a strained relationship with their parents, lately their mom has just been giving into her tantrums and letting her do what she wants at the expense of my bf’s emotional wellbeing. My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged soon, but at this point I don’t think I could even handle having his sister even being a guest. I wish she wasn’t a part of his family. I wish she never existed. I HATE HER. And every time I see her I just want to scream at her for how much of an awful person she is to everyone around her. I hope I never see her again after we move out, if my bf and I get to that point.

If your a bi trans guy it would really help to hear your stories but even if you're cis and straight i need help
I know i'm 100% not a girl, i've never been entirely feminine, or do girly things. Growing up i was blessed (by satan) with a name that is definitly a girls name although if it didnt have an extreme feminine history it could sound quite masculine. The older i get the more i hate my pronouns.
The first problem is that i don't hate my body. Sure it's not mine, but i can't tell if the reason i don't like it is because of girl stuff or because i'm fat. I think it doesn't help me figuring out my gender that i'm bi. Bi with a preference for girls. Am i really ok with my body or is it just sapphic men problems? I do feel the need to hide my chest which is huge. Like even if i did have a binder i don't think it would hide it entirely. I like the idea of having a low voice, and being a muscular bearded man when i grow up even though im not attracted to that type of men. But the thing is what if I'm not trans? What if im adding to the stereotype of trans being a phase? I mean i've felt like this on and off for two years (when i found the term transgender and found out we existed). Another problem is i do like doing feminine things occasionally. Like, maybe once a year at a friend birthday i'll get all make-upy and wear something feminine. (I don't own any make-up and my sigular dress is hidden in narnia. Its lonely now that bisexual left the closet) Another thing is that I'm starting at a anglican school soon and i know the teachers would be OK with a trans kid cause it'd make their school look more diverse but on my trial day i heard at least three derogatory trans jokes in front of teachers without the teachers telling them off and if that's happening with no trans kids at the school imagine the harrasment i would get. I do have short (emo looking) hair and my parents know me as genderqueer. I currently use all pronouns even though everyone calls me a girl amd uses she/her. Probably because their god was being a bitch and gave me huge tits. That arent mine. They probably belong to some poor trans woman out there that never got them. Sorry if you're religous and i offended you. I'll just say I'm talking about the god from the old testament cause even my religous grandparents called him something rude.
I am going to try and tell my parents how i feel but i won't say im a man, ill just say i don't feel like a woman or anything on that side of the gender spectrum
Basically to sum it up: I don't like my body. But is it gender problems or fat problems? I don't like being called a girl or being called she/her or they/them. Can i really complain if sometimes i like doing feminine things once a year (i could give them up to be a guy)? Is it really valid? What if my feelings aren't and it'll add to stereotypes? Is the harassment gonna be worth it at a christian school? (Im not scared of being a tattle tho) Will a binder help for a 14 year old trans guy with big tits? How will my friends and parents react having to change the use of my pronouns again? One of my new friends that i met on my trial day to the school is rumored to be anti lgbtq+? Do i tell her in hopes it could change her mind or dump her as a friend? WHAT IF I COME OUT AND I REALISE THAT IT WASN'T SAPPHIC MAN PROBLEMS AND THAT I ACTUALLY AM A GIRL? What if i am a guy but it takes to long to decide on a name, and i dont wanna come out until i have a masc name? (I cant choose. That's why they call me a bisexual)
Basically: im a bi 'cis girl' who hates my body and gender but still likes girls to the point of not knowing if i just like them or want to stay as being one. I should probably add that i have anxiety and probably depression but i don't know if that's related
Sorry for typos im on a phone
Edit: i asked my mom for a binder and she said we can look into it but she doesn't want me to damage myself because of the tightness. Ive been looking on youtube of how to wear them, other methods of hiding your chest without one, but its much more difficult for me cause im pretty sure im like DD size or something. I don't know whether she's actually going to get me one, if she's going to forget about it, or it was her way of brushing me off. She is very supportive of me and my gender journey but it was a bit disappointing to hear the sentance just take your time you can just take it slow because i don't think I've realised how much my gender has been affecting me until now. ive also been binging trans-masc tiktok compilations and it was so euphoric to hear a cringy POV were someone calls me brother in a trans way but also so sad. I almost started sobbing. I'm really dragging this out but im just feeling so many things, and ill have to talk to my mom tommorow after school. I don't care if i get bullied for being like this in an anglican school but i can't take being seen as feminine any more. If you have name ideas im looking for a short common name that preferably starts with an a as it would ne simpler for people to learn to use it if it starts with a similar sound. I want to be a guy. A dude. A brother. A man.
Does anyone know how to hide my large chest in a school where some of the shirts litterally have tit measurements? Where people are going to notice? How do i tell/convince my mom that ive sort of figured myself out over night? I need advice or validation. Ill text a friend but im just feeling so depressed and stupid. Ive been like this my entire life. Just a boy who was ok with dresses and played with toy horses.
Imma just add some things that i've only recently noticed weren't very cis.
•when i was 5 in imaginary games i would always play supercat. Who was a boy. All the other kids said you can't be a boy because your a girl. I said yes i can. I'm supercat!puts socks on hands breaking gender norms since '15!
•i never liked anything labelled girly. I liked some feminine things. But some things were to girly for me e.g. Barbie, the colour pink, the movie frozen
•I've always liked stereotypically boy things like dragons, the colour blue, superheroes
I know the last two can be for any gender, whether girl, boy, nonbinary, agender or the rest of you valid people but i specifically disliked things LABELLED as girl things. Even when they're kinda cool. Although not everything i did put those pom pom thingos on my pink bike but i didn't choose the colour of my bike and i just didn't understand the concept of gender. I wish i still didnt and she/her didnt matter to me so much
I think i was conditioned to only liking guys and only being friends with girls. If that kind of social pressure wasn't there i would probably still be friends with my friend i had for years when i was little but in one year gender norms social pressure kicked in and now he's "besties" with my brother
I used to think i was straight until last year when i was surrounded by more sapphic people than you could poke a stick at. I wished it happened a year earlier when my crush still had a crush on me. Or at least still openly had a crush on me i wish i had more friends who were guys. But all the guys in my year seem like assholes so im gonna have to hang with the girly girls. I hear that at least one of them is gay so at least i won't be alone. She seemed nice.
I wish i knew more trans people. I know a LOT of nonbinary people and that helped me realise that im not a girl neither am i nonbinary. But the only trans person i know is my dads coworker (who is SOOOOOOOO nice)
My mom is thinking about looking for a lgbtq+ support group for me even if it means driving an hour a week to the nearest city with enough lgbtq+ people to start one. I really want to look for a trans specific one, because i want to talk to other people who are having similar experiences to me and not just me ranting to reddit over my phone.
I wish i was old enough to get the necessary surgeries and i wish we had the money. We might have enough for a binder and T tho. Maybe if i transition ill be less depressed. Maybe it'll help me feel motivated enough to work out, which will reduce the size of my chest. Maybe i can tell the healthcare that my chest is hurting my back (which it is) and they'll let me get a reduction even though im a teenager. Maybe things will get better if i tell them im a guy even if im just on the masculine side of nonbinary or any other gender i might not be aware of currently.
But one of those tiktoks i saw was like a kids book being read about a rabbit who had had top surgery identified as a man but still was wearing make-up and dresses. I don't think i need femininity that much anymore. I would give up almost everything feminine i own just to be a guy.
Thanks for the four or so upvotes. At least some people read this. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'll work it out eventually. One day I'll feel like im inhabiting my own body. One day i won't worry about how i present myself. One day.
Can't wait to see the looks on my grandparents faces if i tell them, they all at some point have said something transphobic in front of me, either out of spite or not.
Anyway thanks for everything imma go watch more how to flatten chest videos
Edit: i came out to a test subject (my closest friend) and it felt great, but now an hour later in the middle of the night im feeling worried that im going to regret it. Is it true regret? Is it just anxiety? Or am i just hungry? I didn't feel like this after talking to my mom about binders, but suddenly now at 2am while im all alone with nothing but reddit? Also if this is just anxiety and hunger im thinking about Auggie as a name
Edited again: I wish it was easier to know why i feel weird no matter which label i use. Boy fits best because it how i want to be seen by others. To my self, i just am. To my parents, i am just their child, to my friends i am just their friend
I think it was just anxiety. And hunger. Tommorow. Ill say the words tommorow. "Mom, i am your son. I have always been your son, just one that didn't mind you putting him in a dress. New pronouns, new name, but im not going to change." Maybe my speech will sould like shit in the morning but right now i like it. I know i wouldn't need to have a big reveal but maybe this way she'll buy me a bag of chips or something
Shit its 3am and i have school tommorow. Shouldn't have stayed up so late rethinking my reality over and over and over