hi there me and my girlfriend are looking for a place to rent. either a bachelor suite or maybe a room with shared kitchen and bathroom. open to any possibilities our budget is 1400 dollars. we are both on welfare ill be up front about that. however we are not low life drug addicts we do not use drugs or party. its a tough housing market right now. im just posting on here to hopefully find some options. any response is appreciated.
would be happy to come introduce myself in person to see if you believe i would be a good fit. can get some references for you from previous landlords. Never late on the rent, the one positive is that my welfare that me and her are getting right now will never be late and this means our rent payments wont be late either.
both looking for work right now possibly going to go back to school myself. i have always worked in construction or as a commercial transport mechanic. doubt i will be out of work for very long.
Not expecting to have any guests over and we do not party or drink. if its a shared accomidation it will be no issue to do our part to keep everything clean. like i said 1400 is our budget and i think that is reasonable. Never have i missed paying my rent and if there is any short term rentals out there that are only available for a little while that is ok too. gives us a chance to get a place and keep looking for a place to move onto afterwards.
Appreciate you reading this. please message me your contact info on here or you can email [ross.drysdale2022@gmail.com](mailto:ross.drysdale2022@gmail.com) or text me at 6043435160
Thanks

(24M) I don't know what to do. And tbh I'm nervous about even posting this.
I want to clarify that I'm not suicidal. I've even learned that I don't want death as much as I want to understand how to not suffer as much as I do. Though some days that changes, I'll admit. But the way I've been feeling lately is as unbearable as it is inexorable. Each day my ability to carry-on descends a step. I used to be able to handle my pain enough to hide it from others. I used to shrug it off, focus my mind onto something else, and deal with it later. But now things are much worse. And I'm struggling to keep it together. I feel like I'm really losing my shit, and I want to fully emphasize the fear behind that.
I can't sleep anymore.
I get frightening experiences. Either terribly torturous dreams that wake me up or sudden onset panic. My heart races fast just thinking about resting my head against my pillow. I used to oversleep, which sounds pleasant enough. But I promise you, it's not. I couldn't hold a routine. I didn't have time to do what I wanted/needed to do. I felt like I was imprisoned by it. Plus, I didn't feel well rested. I felt like I could keep on sleeping the entire day. But now I'm unable to sleep. I find this to be much worse. I average about 4 hours a night now, if I can. I've tried a myriad of different strategies to mitigate the sleeplessness. Either less or no caffeine, frequent exercise, setting an alarm for an early hour in the day to hopefully get tired later on, and staying away from screens for at least an hour or so before I try to sleep. I'm desperate for something. Medications haven't worked very well for me in the past either. Although, I've only tried melatonin—which is not that extensive of a list, of course—so I'm open to any suggestions if you have any.
My anxiety is worse.
It's always been pretty bad, but I just powered through it in a way. I could still go to the store and buy whatever despite it blaring in my face the whole time. But it's much worse now. Which, to me, is very odd. I spend lots of time around people. People I know well, people I don't know at all. I'm in public spaces a lot. But now, more than ever, I get so fucking paralyzed by it. To even walk into a Walgreens feels impossible. It's just like a constant buzz for me . There is no restful, relaxing, or calm experience to life anymore. I never come down from the stress. I've never taken anxiety medication. I don't know the efficacy of any, and I don't enjoy the idea of relying on medications to feel "normal". But I'm constantly in a state of panic nowadays. So at this point, I'm starting to not care about those sort of things.
I don't drink or smoke.
I've abstained from nicotine and alcohol for a long while now. I had a much longer experience with alcohol. But I never was one to truly abuse either of those substances. I used to drink for years, everyone in my family still does, my friends still do, but I've stopped. I recognize that my mental state gets dangerous if I drink. I'm not dangerous to others by any means. I just turn to self loathing and feel like I can't live anymore. So I'm not on any drugs, medications, or anything of the sort. I don't know how I got to this point. I don't want to be this way. But I'm noticing a progression of suffering despite the use of any substances.
I just feel hopeless.
I've been unhappy ever since I could first be conscious. I used to have terrible views of myself, hating the way I look, sound, or exist in the world. I don't have negative thoughts anymore as much as I am almost immobilized by a lack of desire to physically move. I can hardly think as it is, too. I'm forgetful and scattered all the time. Moving is getting harder. Even talking is almost impossible. I jumble my words sometimes. I feel so embarrassed when I do. I feel I sound ridiculous. Even to write this right now is very difficult. I just feel so alone even when I'm in a room packed with loved ones. I don't even feel real anymore. I don't feel joy or excitement. I break down all the time now. I can't even fake a smile at work anymore (luckily I don't work in customer service).
I haven't tried therapy.
I don't feel the courage to talk to a therapist. I definitely don't have the funds either. I've looked for some form of either cheap/free counseling but the thought of either calling or sitting in front of a person to tell them about myself makes me so unbelievably anxious. I don't want to be hospitalized, I know how that goes and I don't want that for me. I feel like my life is falling apart and I have no explanation as to why. Someone please help me, I don't know how to survive like this.
​
I apologize for the length of this post too. I didn't mean for it to be so much.

There's a part of me that wishes this weird group that can't even decide on what they want gets their way (whatever they decide that is), and AI gets paused for a year or so.
My desire is for 100% self-serving reasons. As I've mentioned in some comments, I'm writing a book about the future tends related to automation and employment (or lack thereof). I'm also the kind of writer who's really prone to paralysis by analysis, or going down research rabbit holes that never come out.
Now here I am writing a book about AI, but AI is like some turbo rabbit that's not only digging the hole faster than I can traverse it, but multiplying and branching the hole into a fractal tree that's on its way to hollowing out the planet.
How is a nerdy writer who tends to over-read ever going to catch up!
Thank you for reading my equally heart-felt and tongue-in-cheek rant. Now time to get back to my Pocket library. Only about 2800 articles to go.

After dealing with and treating my fibroids for five years while trying to get pregnant, I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy in June. Before going to my appointment in March I kind of had made up my mind: after trying to conceive naturally for 1.5 years, 3 ivf attempts, lots of medication, 2 hyteroscopic myomectomies it was time to not only close the fertility chapter. My uterus hadn't proved her use, so why keep her and do a myomectomy or UFE if the bastards keep coming back anyway? And it was clear pregnancy was/is not in the cards for me. I mean after 4 years of trying and treatments you would expect at least a positive pregnancy test right?
And even though rationally I know this is al correct, my mind has been playing a very annoying game of 'what ifs'. What if a myomectomy would be an option and my uterus would be a healthy organ, maybe then I could get pregnant? So freaking annoying. I know this is just a fantasy. And I want closure. I want to never have to worry about my periods from hell ever again. My uterus will never be healthy. If I could have gotten pregnant I would have already. But still, that fantasy is so attractive, and just keeps popping up the closer I get to my hysterectomy. It's not fair that I could never try without worrying.
FYI: 37 y/o, first small fibroids when I was 28, at 32 a uterus riddled with them (24 week pregnancy sized uterus). Massively diminished after use of Esmya. Last year another growth spurt and back at the 24 weeks...

First of all, don't hate me! I'm an old school Fallout diehard. Started with F3 then replayed F1, F2 twice. Tactics once. Wasteland 2 once. Objectively the best Fallout was New Vegas in terms of story, dialogue system, perk system, RPG elements, intrigues, factions and how you can finish the endgame, the acts and consequences. Vegas was the top! I also loved Fallout 3 because of it's atmopshere, it's gloomy set and mostly because that was my first Fallout experience.
Then came Fallout 4 and I felt just like Skyrim came out. A watered down game which hardly resembled any good of the franchise. After Morrowind or Oblivion I was very dissapointed despite I finished the game twice. No real character development, hugely stupid and dumb story and I felt the same with Fallout 4 although never finished because it became so boring and repetitive. Now, after a couple of years I again gave a chance to Fallout 4 but I couldn't stand the game more than like 10 hours. I mean really? Totally f**ed up perk and SPECIAL system, boring NPCs with stupid dialogues, no censequences, boring world and storytelling etc. Yeah the visuals are great but F4 is nothing more than a Far Cry episode in a Fallout universe inho. I really can't get into.
How to play this game without hating the Perk system and it's stupid dialogues? At the moment I think a Far Cry or a Borderlands episode are way more rewarding and fun than this soulles Fallout 4.
Does Fallout 76 better? I loved Elder Scrolls Online and I still think that ESO has all the best aspects of the previous Elder Scrolls Titles. Can it be said about F76? Can I enjoy F76 after I terribly dissapointed in Fallout 4?
Again I don't wan to hurt anybody feelings about F4 truth to be told I'm really sad I can't accept the game how it is.

I am technically in the Spring Lake Township above Ferrysburg, I couldn't find a subreddit for them so I'm not sure if this is the right place for this. If this is the wrong place I apologize!
Anyways, I moved here from Georgia a couple of years ago but I haven't biked since I was probably around 16 years old. During the pandemic I gained a lot of weight- like 60 pounds. So I'm trying to get healthier so I figured I would get into biking, plus I used to really love it as a kid. . Either way I live a couple of miles from a public beach and I figured that it would be a good goal. However I've never ridden a bike anywhere but my driveway and cul-de-sacs as a kid.
Where I lived in Georgia, it was very dangerous to ride on the roads. We didn't have any bike lanes or anything like that, the only time I saw those were in like Atlanta. I saw more golf cart lanes than bike lanes lmao. So basically, I don't even have anyone close to me I can ask. Also in Georgia, it's illegal to ride your bike on the sidewalk. I don't know if that's the same here or not? Google says it's fine but I've only ever seen people ride on the roads here.
My bike isn't a mountain bike, it's a cruiser so it's not going to be very fast. I tried riding a mountain bike but I think it's too big of a leap for me right now since before moving here, I had never seen a mountain bike in my life besides on TV. One day I might get there but for now I'd like to stick with my cruiser because I'm not incredibly confident riding.
So it would be great if anyone had advice for me. Any laws I might not know about? Any places to avoid? I'm starting with a couple of miles but I'd eventually like to build up stamina to go farther. Since I'm not on a fast bike, should I stick to the side walk? If I'm riding with my friends who have mountain bikes, is it rude for us to ride on the sidewalk just because I'm slower? You don't have to stick to my questions! I'll take any and all advice I can get, I really just want to understand so I'm not going in blind, My husband is trying his best but he's only ever ridden on trails or on back roads to friends houses.
TL;DR: I have no knowledge of anything to do with biking, I'm from a different state that didn't have a biking culture so the only thing I know is how to move the pedals. Any and all advice on how to ride around on roads/bike lanes/trails would be helpful! Thank you.

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Steffie here from Founder Folks, with a recent interview I did with Jonaed Iqbal from NoDegree Inc.
Here is his story how he started and grew NoDegree Inc.
Name: Jonaed Iqbal
Company: NoDegree Inc
Other Founders: 3
Employee Size: 3
Technology Tools: Riverside.fm, Descript, Davince Resolve, Slack, Zoom, Fireflies.ai, Simplecast.fm, ChatGPT, Lobby.so
Revenue: Up to $300K
Founded: 2014
Website: ~www.nodegree.com~
Introduction My name is Jonaed Iqbal. I am the Founder of NoDegree.com and host of The NoDegree Podcast where I interview people without college degrees and have them share their stories. NoDegree.com helps people without college degrees find meaningful careers that pay well. We realize that just because someone doesn’t go to college, doesn’t mean they should be denied opportunity. NoDegree shares roadmaps on how to break into careers that don’t require degrees.
Before this, I was an actuarial assistant at MetLife. I realized I didn’t want to study hundreds of hours to pass exams for a career I wasn’t passionate about. I worked for a few years. I then worked as a Data Analyst for a NYC agency and then a Product Manager for a FinTech company.
The Inspiration Behind NoDegree Inc I was on Reddit. I saw a post on AskReddit with the title, “For those of you without college degree who make over six figures, what do you do and how did you get the job. I saw jobs like claims adjuster, surveyor, systems administrator, elevator repair, and web developer. I thought, “No one says they want to be a claims adjuster when they grow up.” People mentioned that they got the job through a family friend or someone in their community. Basically, they knew someone. I then thought. What if someone doesn’t know someone? Should they not be able to break into these careers?
And I thought, I could be that friend. I searched up NoDegree.com and put an inquiry in. A few days later, I got a response back and negotiated. I called 2 buddies and pitched the idea. We bought the domain for $1,520.
From Idea to Reality I spent a couple of years doing research with whatever free time I had. It was just learning about entrepreneurship, business, SEO, and other topics that would help us in the future. Eventually we incorporated and started to get the ball rolling. We used a law firm to help us with the process. I would have probably used a small accounting firm if I were to do it again.
Attracting Customers I started networking on LinkedIn. I gave free resume reviews to people. I created content aimed at job seekers. I let people know this is what I did. I did a lot of resumes for free. Eventually I started getting referrals. As I grew my account, I got more business. Since I have been doing it for years, I get regular business from referrals.
Overcoming Challenges in Starting the Business I have made a lot of mistakes. If I were to do it over, I would have waited to quit my job. I am still paying the price of not having any income for 15 months. I had issues with business partners who weren’t pulling their weight. We had disagreements and parted ways. I even got 2 jobs along the way (not at the same time). I got fired from both of them. It’s tough managing a business and a full time job. I’ve had some good months. And I have had some bad months. I have had clients who secured raises in the $100K+ range who didn’t pay the remainder of their bill. Entrepreneurship makes you value the people that support you and makes you bitter towards the people who screw you over.
Costs and Revenue My biggest costs are the workers I have. I have a podcast editor and an online business manager. I was making money doing resumes. I eventually expanded to include job search strategy, interview prep, LinkedIn profiles, and salary negotiation. I also started recruiting. At one point, I did less work for NoDegree because I had another virtual event business that was making money. We hit over a million in sales in that business. That business took a hit when in person events came back. I then went back to doing resumes. I started off charging $300-$500 for resumes. Now I charge double that. I typically spend 5-6 hours with clients. I am also making more money through online courses. My business recently started recruiting for companies so that has opened up another revenue stream. For 2023 and 2024, revenue has remained flat. However from 2022 to 2023, I had 100% growth in revenue. In 2019, the company lost money. We had small expenses and barely had revenue. Starting in Jan 2020, I started getting regular resume clients. The revenue was around $4K-$5K a month. It was sable for most of 2020 and grew from there.
A Day in the Life I don’t have typical workdays; I have typical workweeks. Since I work based on my clients' schedules, my work is scattered throughout the week. I typically engage in 2-3+ hour sessions with clients, with anywhere between 1 to 3 of these sessions per day. Some days, I spend over 12 hours writing resumes in front of my clients. In between, I manage to comment on LinkedIn and fit in networking calls, as well as meetings with my business partners, often scheduled for 10pm or later. Additionally, I aim to record 1-3 podcast episodes per week, although sometimes I fall behind and need to catch up.
I usually check my email and LinkedIn inbox around 1-3am, which can take up 1-2+ hours daily. Occasionally, messages and emails accumulate, requiring several hours of catch-up time. As I am not a morning person and struggle with Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder (DSPD), waking up before 12pm is challenging for me. Despite this, due to work demands, I occasionally find myself working on resumes as early as 9am, though I try to avoid this as it quickly wears me out. Networking calls typically take place between 10pm-2am, as I often connect with individuals from the West Coast or around the world during these hours. Given my preferences and natural rhythm, I find it more manageable to work on resumes at 2am rather than 9am, as that's just how I'm wired.
The Vision for NoDegree Inc My eventual goal is to compete with LinkedIn, Monster, Indeed, and other popular job boards. I understand that achieving this will take a considerable amount of time. Furthermore, I am committed to never seeking VC funding for my company; instead, I will maintain a bootstrapped approach. For me, the mission holds greater significance than monetary gain. I am fully aware that this endeavor may span 15 to 20 years or more, and I am prepared for the long journey ahead.
Guiding Principles for Entrepreneurial Success Build the runway first. I would have been much further along if I had some savings to start with. I always struggled just to stay afloat. Once I got a job, I was able to raise my prices with no issues. If I were to go back, I would have waited until I started making revenue on a regular basis before quitting. It took me 15 months to start making money after quitting my job. There were some things I wanted to do, but I couldn’t take the risks I wanted to because I couldn’t afford the downside scenarios. Also, make sure to choose your business partners wisely. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur. Set expectations and be ready to have tough conversations. I would have done things so much differently. I thought everyone was ready to commit like I was and make the sacrifices I made. For some people, the business is a hobby. For me, it’s my life. Thankfully, I have some great business partners now, and I wouldn’t be making the progress I am without them.

Edit: DO NOT message me a simple hi or hello, with no information about you, Put some effort in to your message like i have, come on. Day+Attempt#187
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷‍♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)

My admirer (19M) confessed his feelings for me earlier and I like him as well but I'm on a situationship with my crush(18M). They are both gentlemen but my admirer does more effort to show that he likes me. Admirer= A 19M Crush(?) = C 18M A is my classmate while C on the other hand is not, he is in a different section. A has liked me since the start of our 4th yr in college, while C liked me back when there was a school event. I (18F) never liked A back since he was a delinquent and get in trouble from time to time but he changed for the better and he is still changing. I liked C because he was an achiever, he has a nice gentle voice. I've been feeling different towards C, ever since he liked me back I felt different, as if the thrill of liking him was gone. So I kinda started falling out of likes for C, and then came A. He was always teased by our classmates, shouting that A had a crush on me, shipping us together, that kinda stuff. But I only took it as a joke, I thought they were messing with me so I didn't take it seriously. I regret not taking A as my partner for the school event, but he was always shy when it came to me. The teasing of our classmates about him and I weren't enough, I mean I knew that he liked me but I wanted it to come from him. I asked C to the school event and A asked me at the same time, but I chose C. That didn't stop A to dance me, after that I confessed to C and he liked me back. I was excited but now, I don't know, I'm confused I knew A was always there, he must've been hurt seeing that I liked someone else. He could've left but he didn't. A showed his efforts by taking me home, and just being a gentleman -asking to carry my stuff -offering to take me home -whenever I wanted to buy something for recess he does it for me - Drew a photo of me and kept it in his phone case
C couldn't do much since he wasn't my classmate and we lived far away from each other But he did drew a portrait of me( I haven't seen it yet) I gave C a bracelet that had our initials My name starts with A so I had the bracelet A (Usually you give the other the opposite initial but idk) C is draining whenever I chat him, he is interested but I have to make the conversation first. Nonchalant
I'm not allowed to have a relationship I'll most probably not see them once we graduate, and I plan to not have any communication with them (if that's the right thing to do) I don't think I can stay friends with either of them What should I do?

hello ✨
so my life is and has always been a mess. i don't ever feel happy for more than a few hours, i don't know how it feels to wake up in the morning and be happy with my existence. i also don't know how it feels to take a simple walk or to go somewhere you have to go without feeling like people are judging you.
i've always wanted to die (still do) already, to get rid of everything. like always wanted to get a fatal disease or simply die in my sleep. because all i wanted in this life was to feel happy and normal and it never happened.
anyway, sorry for the rant.
i posted here a long time ago about my loud neighbors who KNOW they're disturbing everyone but they keep doing their thing (in the morning and especially at night until 11 pm). someone gave me a few subliminals and in a few months my downstairs neighbor moved. he wasn't one of the loud neighbors but he was a pain in the ass as well and always had anxiety when he was nearby. so it helped someway and i guess i shouldn't have stopped listening.
the thing is, this is kinda the only type of subliminal that worked for me. but im trying my best to keep believing.
again, sorry for the long explanation but i feel like i needed to share the way i feel before asking for subliminals.
so, i need subliminals that gave you results. subliminals that YOU tried and gave results.
i need a subliminal for:
✨ money (i don't care about being rich. i just wanna be able to buy stuff that i need without thinking 1827272 times before buying it and feeling bad after)
✨ carelessness (im very sensitive and everything makes me cry. i want to be tough and not care about anything anymore. i know some people complain about feeling numb and empty but this is exactly how i want to feel like. im tired of intense feelings. im tired of feelings as a whole. they never brought me something good. just annoying tears and overreactions.)
✨ gaming friends (because im very introverted and socially anxious, i spend a lot of time at home playing. i made friends on my specific game that i play that i still talk to.​ i need more of that. i love having friends from different countries. and with my growing depression i feel like i lost that ability.)
✨ exam results (exams season is coming. i have a big problem with procrastinating. but this semester i need maximum grades so i can get a scholarship again. 2 of my exams are presentations. obviously, i will try to study but i feel like i need more than that...)​
✨ clear, healthy skin (my skin type is dry. i can't use products with fragrance and i fucking hate it so much. i wish i could use vanilla lotions and stuff and feeling good about myself but no. of course not.)
✨ crush (it's a long story and i don't wanna give details. but we're no contact because i decided it's better to stay away. my mental health is shit and honestly i don't think he'd ever fall in love with me the way i did with him. but... he's always on my mind and i just wish i had a chance to get closer to him. i don't want this subliminal to make him obsessed with me or to like me because that wouldn't be genuine. i just wish i had a chance to show him who i am when my mind is not clouded by my depression)
✨ i don't wanna come across as insufferable. (as i said, i always feel like people are judging me. i don't want to make them love me. i just wanna seem friendly and with positive energy. that's all.)
✨ becoming someone i don't recognize (i want to look in the mirror one day and feel like it's not the old me. i don't wanna change my features, i just want this specific feeling. i hope it makes sense. im tired of myself and i've never loved myself. so maybe if i become someone else, i will be able to stand myself.)
✨ finally, moving and having a better life in another country. (my country is just going downhill at this point. not only that, but most people here are hateful, judgemental and ignorant. i've never felt good in my own country. i don't wanna move tomorrow but when i will be ready, i want the path to be clear. i want to become someone better before moving to another country. someone i couldn't be here)
im sorry for the long post. but if you listened to subliminals about one topic or even all of them, please share them with me. if they gave you results, of course.
i want to make a playlist. so there are gonna be already 9+ subliminals on it. i just hope it's not a problem.
thank you for reading 🥺

Purely rational conclusion, nothing I do in any way shape or form effects how my life proceeds or my quality of life. I see no point in continuing. It would be like if you went to your job but never ever got a check. You wouldn't keep going back would you? So why tf am I still here? I get NOTHING, in fact everything that was ever good in my life was forcefully ripped from me and not replace with or even provided with the opportunity to do the work to replace them. Just gone, gone and never coming back. Not the times, not the people, none of it. All the good was taken and all that remains is the bad with absolutely no possibility or avenue for replacement. The only people benefitting from my existence are all the people who aren't me. My employer gets rich off my labor, everyone else gets to continue using me, my taxes keep paying into the system, everyone is getting something out of this except me. I am truly not enjoying ANY of this. Not even one day out of every week. Not even that. Its all bad all day every day. I have no issue putting in some work or doing whats necessary to fix any situation but this doesn't appear to have a fix. No alternative routes to take. Its either shit or its shit.
What i love is humanities irrational inability to accept that this is what life is for some of us. There is no hope, no fix, no route that can be taken, no work that can be done anywhere. We got sat where we got sat and we got told to smile about it. God forbid anyone admit shit really is bad and they just got a little lucky with a few choices, or even with demographics being born female or white or whatever. That it really is all just a dice throw and the entire set up is a pyramid where there absolutely WILL be people on the bottom without room to move up. By design, by purposeful design, some people HAVE to have lives like mine so others can have better ones. I hate this whole ass place and im pretty fucking sure it hates me back...

I'm using a throwaway account as I don't really people currently in my life to know this.
I (30MtF) left my wife (27F, let's call her D) two years ago. The divorce was finalized about two months ago, and I wish I could go back.
I met D eight years ago, while I was homeless. She and her family helped me get a job and my first apartment, she always showed me an incredible amount of love and support, and she was absolutely wonderful in so many ways. But D was also an evangelical Christian and incredibly transphobic and homophobic. I found this out shortly after we met. At the time, I knew I was trans, bisexual, and I was a pagan. I probably should have walked away then.
Unfortunately, due to an incredible amount of trauma in my childhood and adolescence, I have a tendency to develop new versions of myself for those I'm around. The "me" that took over my life during this time decided "he" was a cisgender, bisexual man who refused to "act on" his "sinful" desires after becoming a Christian. Still, early on that "me" didn't have as strong of a hold.
Once, when we'd been dating for a few months, we were hanging out with a friend who showed us Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time. Neither of us really had any idea what it was about. We watched it, and we were both incredibly uncomfortable for entirely different reasons. She brought me to work (I worked overnights at this time) and then while I was at work we fought over text and nearly broke up because of this damn movie. I didn't like it because it seemed fairly transphobic to me, especially when Dr. Frank-N-Furter raped the guests. (I now recognize this movie has a big place in queer culture but I still can't help but see it as kind of offensive.) D thought it was disgusting that the movie even included a trans character.
Eventually the "me" that had formed to be who she wanted me to be took over full-time and committed to stay with her and fight the "urge to sin." We dated for a few years and then got married. And honestly, this feels like one of the best times in my life sometimes, even though I know I was miserable.
I've always looked fairly feminine, and had fairly long hair and a pretty alternative style that often included makeup. I'd get "mistaken" for a girl pretty frequently when we were out, which only increased when she got me a super cute coffin-shaped purse for an anniversary. She'd always get super upset and defensive on my behalf, which hurt but she couldn't know it.
Sometimes during our marriage, she was reading an article about some state or another not accepting the "trans panic defense" and started ranting about it. I knew what she was talking about but on the off chance I was wrong I asked her to elaborate. She said it was when a trans person comes into the bathroom or hits on you and you assault or kill them because you panic. I tried to calmly explain that I thought it was good that wasn't being accepted because you shouldn't be assaulting or killing people regardless of whether they're trans or not, and it sounded like just a way to hurt trans people and get away with it. She came up with this wild argument and I just let her "win" because I didn't want to lose her. But I never felt fully safe with her again.
She liked it when I wore makeup, and once her sister told me she liked how I was a "man who was secure in his femininity but didn't feel like I needed to be a woman." (This was literally a month before I left to transition.) D agreed with her sister.
Around four years ago made a new friend at work, a nonbinary person I'll call S, who invited me to play DnD with them and their husband (a trans man) when they quit that job. By the time we'd bee playing for about six months, being around other trans people had reawakened the other parts of me, the parts that were closer to who I really am. I re-realized I was trans through our time together, and they started encouraging me to leave her and be my authentic self.
I left D about four months before our five-year wedding anniversary. She had gone through my phone, found messages between me and S about plans for me leaving and my being trans, and confronted me while I was in the shower. I quickly finished my shower and got out, had a six hour long conversation with her about this and tried to get her to understand. Eventually she just said "But you're not a woman and you never will be!" Without a word, I gathered up some essentials and left for S's house. S and I went back to that house while she was at church on Sunday and grabbed everything I owned, and then went to her mom's house to do the same. D and her whole family were there so I was trying to avoid questions and begging and pleading and crying from not only D, but her mom, sister, and brother to stay and give this trans thing up. I told D that if she wanted me to stay, I'd be staying as her wife and she'd have to accept that. She couldn't. I left.
Over the next couple months we spent a lot of time talking. D was trying to convince me to come back, to fall in love with her again. But I hadn't stopped loving her, I'd just gotten sick of hating myself. I told her that. I told her I wanted nothing more than to come back, but I couldn't do it if it meant going back to wanting to die every time I saw myself in the mirror and hating her briefly every time she "corrected" someone on my gender. I told her if she wanted me back, she'd need to support me in my transition. She still couldn't do it.
The last straw was when Michael Knowles called for the eradication of "transgenderism" (trans people). With that and the hundreds of anti-trans bills being introduced, I was scared. I texted D for comfort and instead got into a whole big argument with her. She kept trying to say the anti-trans bills were a good thing, and when I brought up the Michael Knowles thing she said she'd watched that speech and agreed with him. She said eradicating "transgenderism" would be a good thing. I sent her back a long text about the definition of genocide and how you can't separate "transgenderism" from transgender people, and eradicating "transgenderism" would require eradicating transgender people. We never talked again except about our divorce.
The thing that gets me though is that she's always been very anti-racist and speaks out against prejudice of most other kinds. She just never got it through her head that the same reasons she felt so strongly about that are why she should accept LGBTQIA+ people.
Now, it's been about two years since I left her. I have been on hormones for over a year, and I've never been happier with myself. These two years have been absolute hell in other ways. I have no stability, I lost my job, I've lost friends and family and all kinds of other traumatizing events that would make this post a literal novel. I've been suicidal in the past over stuff a lot smaller than this, but now, in the face of almost overwhelming and crushing despair, I'm still nowhere near that point again. I love myself. I am, for the first time in my life, living for myself.
I now have three wonderful partners (polyamory, they are all fully aware and consent, one of them has four other partners of their own) who love and accept me for who I am, and I love them all so much.
And yet. Despite all of that. Despite the pain D caused me, I still love her. I think I always will. And lately, it seems like all I can think of is the good times. And there were so many good times... I wish I could go back. I want her to love me again. And if she texted me tonight and told me she accepted me, I don't know if I could stay away. And this love I still feel... It's the most painful thing of all.

I had someone tell me that ttrpgs requiring effort isn't entirely true. It upset me because I've been in the hobby for near two decades, running as a gm for a little over a decade (a relatively short amount of time), and I have never once thought that way. I felt dismissed and invalidated.
Before we even get to sit down and begin playing there's dedicated effort spent on getting the group together.
First I find the people that are interested and can coordinate our schedules to sync up and play. Not a small task, especially if you're starting a new group.
Then I always do the optional sesh zero with anyone I haven't run a game for before. Being sensitive to stuff like domestic violence or sexual assault is important to me as ive seen first hand how hurtful it can be to impact someone that way. Explaining safety tools and setting expectations for behavior is key to finding the very simplest of common ground to build a foundation on.
Then I ask questions about the type of game we want to run/play together. Do we want episodic adventures or something more epic in scale lole lotr. Do the players want combat and loot to be the focus or just when narratively fitting? Is setting important? What about handwaiving resources or survival mechanics? Is there plot armor for our furry critter friends? Then I find system that fits into the style of game we're looking for.
Do I own a module that fits within the groups preferences or do I need to write it from the ground up(hours of effort to days of effort)? Do I need to edit it to fit the group? Yes. Do I need to re-edit it day of because someone can't make it? Maybe...
Let's say you're just a player though.
You still need to put in effort to sync up a schedule and dedicate the time to show up and be present. Are you bringing snacks or drinks, do you need to travel? Are you the host because that can be a buttload of work before, during, and after the sesh.
Have you or are you going to read the rules? Take notes? Do you need roll up your own character or use a premade? Do you need to buy a mini or dice?
On average my players are playing for 2.5 to 4hr sessions which is time they're investing that could be spent doing something else. As a working adult, that supply of freetime only ever seems to get smaller and smaller every year.
I want to show my players respect by putting together an experience for them they'll find fun. Each session is a gift I carefully craft to varying degrees of success. I want my players to know I value their time and commitment and I show that by putting in effort into my games.
You are investing effort all along the way of getting together to play...and more often than not some amount of $$ too.
I haven't even talked about actually playing any system yet but I've made a multiparagraph rant post about it... sure some systems require less effort to run/play...but all systems do require effort.
TL;DR: Do players & GMs need to put in effort to engage the hobby?

One part of my brain: "Tell everyone everything. Apologise, talk to them about why you did it and why you're never going to do it again. If you're not ruminating, analysing or reflecting every second of the day, it means you're trying to get away with it."
Another part of my brain: "I don't ever want to talk about it or think about it again. I've spent an entire year reflecting, analysing and ruminating; I'm exhausted. There's nothing more I can do apart from just not doing it again."
It's not as intense as it was a few months ago, but I find myself fimrly caught in between the two.

I’m sorry for the length. I don’t know which subreddit would be appropriate for this.
I’m M/28 and I spent my early 20s recklessly trying to pick up women. I would hit up women I knew, friends of friends, old HS friends just trying to pick them up. Fake a friendship to fuck. Idk why but im almost always horny. Ive numbed my life with weed for past decade. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend and friend.
At 20 I went on a date with a girl F/18. It was a bad date and later we talked and laughed a little so I told her I liked her. She said she liked me too but she had to go. I asked if I could get a kiss goodbye and she said sorry have to go to. I should’ve just left but I pretty much begged and kissed her on the cheek goodbye. I would occasionally message her afterwards and we would have little conversations but nothing else. I kept this up for like 4 years hoping something could happen despite her telling me she wasn’t interested. It was so selfish of me to just disregard that. Why the fuck wasn’t this processing then.
At 20, I had a thing with a girl F/19 who I was in love with. I wanted to marry her and I’ve known her for years at that point. Everything was fine and normal but I never made a move. When an opportunity for real love and sex that I wanted so bad was on the table, I folded with fear. I made it awkward by getting silent and just low energy. Very boring person. However I had it stuck in my head that we still liked each other. We were sitting in a car after talking for an hour and I put my hand on her thigh and she jumped and said oh no where I took my hand away and asked should I drive you home and she said yes. I drove her home and dropped her off. We were cordial after but never the same. Stopped talking to her at 25 of pretty much one way conversations couple times a year
At 22, I got lucky enough to get a girlfriend F/19. I actually currently date her today. This is where I feel worst because I’ve had another serious gf during my teens where i was so dependent and into her that after 3 years at the age of 18 she dumped me. We stopped talking at 20 and never communicated since. that relationship felt raw and really emotional. My current relationship feels more mature. We talk problems out and genuinely help each other build. I am breaking all this by being a fucking sleaze bag. I have cheated on her twice with meaningless relationships at 23 and 25. I completely used those women for sex and I wasted their time. They never knew of each other and relationship usually ended by me being distant. Those relationships lasted month.
Ever since the last cheating at 25, I haven’t done anything but damage is done. Even at 23 I was an idiot and screenshotted a photo of an acquaintance because it was scandalous pic. My old friends have that screenshot notification. I constantly make these horrible decisions and although 26 and 27 have been more mature, I’ve done so much stupid shit in my early 20s that I don’t how I could ever redeem myself or right my wrongs or just feel good about myself again.
My first step has to be to come clean to my girlfriend and let her make the decision if she wants to be with me or not. I have no idea what to say. I’m fucking scared, I’m a bitch but I can’t ruin her life by being with me.
Is it ever possible to feel good about myself again? I have two groups of friends, one is close still and the other has rejected me completely because of my behavior. I actually used to be in a team with them. Some of us would make music together. They have thrown subtle shots for couple years about releasing music about me. I’m fearful they want to publicly shame me. Post that screenshot notification on Instagram. Although I’m a mess, I wouldn’t call myself a predator. I fear they’ll call me this or worse on Instagram with my family and friends there. I can’t even act like I don’t deserve it. But I don’t want my life to be ruined
If you read all of that, what should I do?

So I 26F has always known my parents weren’t really big into sharing our accomplishments on Facebook. My mom used to anxiously ask if we knew that they were proud of us because she’d see my friends’ parents always post about in high school, but my mom felt weird “bragging about us.”
Well, as I’ve become an adult, I’ve realized my dad actually posts about my brother and sister fairly often and me not at all. Both got married in the last 4 years, so I know they’ve had bigger accomplishments and big life events mean big congratulations and that’s post worthy, but it’s kind of getting painful. Im the only one that lives in the same town as my parents, and he posts pictures from traveling down to see my little brother and sister in law all the time. I actually think he’s probably spent more time with them in the last year than I have and it’s just embarrassing. I recently got accepted into a nursing program in university. I was really excited and telling people because I was proud of myself for refocusing on my goal. When I went to visit my brother got told him, he started kind of grilling me on the program and what it meant, then told me five different ways that I wasn’t really in nursing school, don’t get so ahead of myself, don’t tell people that. I was baffled and didn’t understand why he was being so negative or why he cared so much. Then two days later my dad posted a celebration dinner picture with my brother with a caption about how proud he was of his son for getting accepted into nursing school…
I kind of mentally broke and went through both of my parents Facebook and realized neither of them have posted about me or mentioned me or anything I was doing in over 4 years. My dad even forgot to post for my birthday but remembered my brothers wife. He also made sure to hit her with “I’m proud to have you as my daughter in law.” And I just feel kind of choked because I don’t think I can remember the last time I heard anyone say they were proud of me. I tried to call my sister to talk to her about everything but she was busy and couldn’t talk. I just kind of went cold. Deleted my Facebook, sent my mom a happy Mother’s Day text but spent the day home alone. Before I went to work. It just occurred to me that might be a less embarrassing explanation for why. “No no, they’re super proud of me, I just don’t have a facebook so, you know.”
The most embarrassing thing to me that they actually won’t notice because they won’t be tagging my name in anything anyways. I feel like I can’t talk to them about it because how does that conversation even look? I remember when we were kids, my dad once gave me shit for always keeping score, and noticing when someone else got more than me. And ever since he pointed that out I never forgot it and have hated that about myself. I hate that I notice and I hate that it hurts my feelings. I’ve tried to not notice, but every time he takes my brother or sister and their spouses skiing, or out to dinner, or shopping as a special occasion because he’s in town again, I just don’t feel good. And I don’t know how to say it without him hearing me as a soiled little baby who noticed that someone else got an extra piece of candy and had to bitch about it.
Any advice would be appreciated. Should I talk to my mom about this? It’s been hurting me and I don’t know what to do

I'm a girl in my mid 20's and I've been single all my life, it's not like I dint want to ,it's just that it din't happen and I was always afraid of relationships because I believe that I cannot bear the heartbreak when it breaks off.Anyways I have always been attracted women and Men.But I met someone few months ago who made me realise that I want to be with a women,not just any woman but with her!!!! It wasn't like she's the most kind hearted girl or gorgeous most beautiful girl (she's the most beautiful girl in my eyes)or she's the only one that gave me attention....infact she was the exact opposite of that and I don't know how and why I fell for her deeply and madly .As soon as I realised that, I told her that next moment that I "liked" her instead of saying how much I "loved" her and ofcourse I got outright rejected because she thinks that she and I have nothing in common i.e we don't like similar tastes in music or she and I don't belong to same place or she and I different career goal Said that she and I literally have no point of commonality .It broke my heart but she promised to stay friends and we remained friends until ....she stared telling me about this another girl she met and apparently she's soo beautiful and she shares similar interests as her and it completely broke me, because I was feeling bad for myself.I started to avoid talking to her but she was sooo into herself that she never reached out why I was not talking to her the way I used to anymore and it hurt me more than anything.So I let her goooo......Not spoken to her ever since and she never reached out ....I guess it's overrr
IT REALLY FEELS LIKE A LEGIT HEARTBREAK, Idk why I felt the need to post this here,if anyone had the similar situation let me just tell you, We're all in this together

For context I'm under 18 and live in Manchester in England.
On Thursday I saw an Instagram story by one of my classmates about how they invested into crypto with this other account in the platform and made loads off of it. I believed them because I didn't think there would be any reason to lie because of their nature. So I DM'd this person and she tells me about how she will send me a bunch of links to websites and I have to sign up and do what she tells me to and I send her screenshots each step of the way. I invest £90 with her and she promises be back £1600, now everything was fine until I encountered this final step where in the trading website she sent me the link to, she asked me to go to the their live chat service and ask for a pin for my 'withdrawal' and the pin costs £450 but they are telling me I will be refunded and it's just a temporary payment.
That last part above was when it all began, the people in the chat spoke minimal English and weren't very clear and they also told me that it didn't matter if my currency was £ or $ I would still have to pay 450 which is stupid obviously.
Later on the lady calls me late at night after ignoring my messages of concern and she tells me that I should NOT text the live chat back on the website that SHE sent me and SHE TOLD me previously to talk to before that now they will actually steal my money and that I should instead never talk to them but bank transfer to her and that she will get this so called 'pin' for me.
Major problem, I made a mistake and both the £90 and the £450 I sent to this lady was under 'personal' instead of business'.
The story is really long and I can give more details to anyone that wants to help me out buy to expand the pin doesn't work I need to 'upgrade my account' then she directs me to a bunch fo other stuff etc. We agree that it's not working and that she should get the profit and she should send it to me directly through a bank transfer but conveniently it doesn't work on a 'weekend' and she can't prove her payment history because her system isn't 'printing' the history out.
Long story made even shorter, she makes me Sign up to yet another website and asks me to upgrade my account account for £1000 which will all again be 'refunded'. I can't do this anymore.
Finally she has told me that she hasn't received the £450 I sent to her account even though I clearly did so is there a way my bank can refund me this money even though she manages to find excuses on why her payment history isn't working and I unfortunately put it as under 'business'.
One last thing the classmate I saw the post from originally, for what originally seemed genuine, 1 day later or in fact that very same day, a couple hours later their instagram account I'm pretty sure got hacked since after making a new one the very first person and the only perosn that they ar following is me which is shady since we were never that close so I think this is related to that trades woman.
I know it's a long story, and I made a dumb mistake, but this is a lesson learned for me and what can I do, thank you.

Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.

I wish I could just talk to her for one last time. Tell her I love her, hug her, kiss her, smell her. I feel like she doesn't even love me. She looks better off without me, that's what she said. She's probably talking to someone else, someone who's better than me. I feel worthless, like a piece of garbage that shouldn't be touched. Life has become exceptionally hard, I eat less, I sleep more, I lost my smile, my shine. I live with the hole that shell come back. But she shouldnt, because I'm a wreck, a hollowed version of myself. I want the best for her and right now it's to let go of me. I don't like this but I have to be strong. I have to let go of her, out of love. But oh boy is it hard. Everyday is a new challenge I hope she sees this post. I hope she realises how much I love her. I hope she realises that she never loved me, she was just attracted to me, obsessed with me. And if you are seeing this, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I care about you and I hoped it would work out, I hoped we would love eachother the way we did when we met. We would make something new. I hoped you'd be in my future. I hoped you'd love me. I really wish I could spend one more minute in your arms. the way you would look at me with excitement and love, I miss that. I miss you a lot , I hoped wed have something new, something better. I hope you see this and text me, telling me how much you love me. I know it Will not happen. I love you, please don't go, cause I'm not ready to let you go . Hug me and kiss me one last time. Am I asking for too much?

Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.