Giveaways for first birthday

Hi,
I'm (31M) preparing to see my partner (P, 34NB) for the first time in a year. I'm pretty excited as I have missed them.
Currently they are on a vacation in the capital city of my country (which is considerable distance away) with Meta (M) and some friends, and will be meeting me and staying with me later on. We have had a bit of an argument over P boundary setting with me regarding meeting arrangements and this has made me felt less confident about our date week as a whole.
The situation feels a bit personal for myself because I have GAD, a disability and am neurodivergent with comorbid executive dysfunction issues. I personally think that the ED is a significant stressor for Partner, maybe even more than my mental health! Although I am not sure why this is.
I can somewhat understand why executive functioning is a sore spot and important. In general booking flights, trains, hotels etc. can be really stressful and overwhelming for me, and while a general problem, this is obviously a problem in an LDR especially. There is also P's work schedule to consider. I wish we had more autonomy but I can't and in fact right now I'm not even *allowed* to drive.
So what happened: my polycule suggested this UK meet months ago, and I was keen, but this was at the time just an idea. The plan was always to meet P, M et. al. after their break in capital city A in city B and then for the group to split so that P and I could do our own thing separately.
For various unfortunate reasons though (including awaiting an appointment for surgery and my social security review) I was first unable to commit until 2 weeks ago, when I had a hospital appointment (which was almost a 5 minute waste of time but that's another story) and then procrastinated on reserving hotels. (I was especially scared of being discharged if I rescheduled, and as a disabled person I am just scared of my government who frankly dislike and scapegoat disabled people.) I was also insecure about meeting meta and especially the friends. Finally money was both an issue and something I was pretending was not for reasons I'll explain below.
P tried to help me with hotel reservation but we were unable to complete it before they left their country last weekend. I can't remember why; I'm ashamed to say I might have just got distracted and panicked...
I have since had a busy/exhausting week engaged with advocacy service, family birthdays, therapy and a planned outing with friends--and so has P, with work before leaving and with the trip after. P suggested meeting me halfway at city C, and we could have a day trip there.
I had felt overwhelmed by the decision, so asked for help from my friends. Both my friends and partner kept emphasising that reservations as well as the kinds of long-haul trains I wanted would be 'expensive' and basically talking out of our plan B and plan C. It seems as if my not spending was the major consideration. At risk of sounding both privileged and irresponsible, which maybe I am; from a self-confidence standpoint I care less about spending a lot of money as a) proving to myself I can do these things and b) treating my partner to a nice experience after so long away from each other.
However I am also quite a people pleaser, especially towards P. Additionally deadlines absolutely cause me to panic and any form of timekeeping pressure. So if somebody shares an opinion strongly then I tend to just mirror them. This can often be a problem with Partner who has quite a lot of strong opinions and values, and also can be easily frustrated. They can also be impatient although I want to caveat that in many ways they have been *very* patient with me. It's hard to process. I keep wanting to blame myself or them. The point is that I don't like arguing with people and will let them talk me out of a situation if it means avoiding a fight. (I know this is a trauma response from my abandonment issues and seeing my parents fight while divorcing as a kid)
Partner initially said that since they were now spending time with meta they were unavailable and it was up to me to decide and plan my own arrangements. However they more or less suddenly changed their mind *the next day*, and said that they had to consider their own needs, had ditched any plans with me beyond meeting me at my home (plan D) and will meet me at my home this weekend.
I absolutely understand why P was stressed about pinning down a meet up date, place and time. Despite being completely fluent, they would be travelling in a foreign country after all. Perhaps I had been stubborn about 'wanting to see Meta and friends' while not considering or committing to the logistics of that, which I knew would exhaust me.
The problem was this flip in...willingness to grant me autonomy happened so suddenly I had no time to process it. I was on a bus home at the time.
Although they didn't see it (instead my friend did) I had a complete meltdown and panic attack as in my mind this was failure. I was already doing toxic comparison to Meta (who is wealthier, more relationally experienced, and has greater connections in the poly scene). My hometown is...it's a dump. I mean my local area is nice enough but...it's not a capital city or city break. I sense this is toxic but . Again it feels like personal failure, especially as I had told my family and *even my therapist and social worker* about the plans. So there is embarrassment on top of it, like disappointing P is disappointing *them* by proxy. Further I'm worrying that the fact I think is being sexist (and so . Finally I'm struggling to think of alternatives since I'd really
Nor is this the first time I have had a meltdown due to P being frustrated with how slow, tardy, indecisive I can get. In fact one happened when we went on vacation last year...because I took too long in the toilet. So...yeah, I know how important punctuality and efficiency is to P but I...still got caught off guard this time.
I spoke to my therapist today I'm thinking about whether it'd be good for us to have a one-off 'couples therapy' with my therapist (with P attending) and what I need to ask from my therapist. Fortunately my therapist is poly informed and practises it, which I think will help.
Beyond this I'm not sure what to do. Honestly I don't want to disturb P but also? This incident has caused me to check out of interest in their time with M and friends beforehand, and lose some compersion. I have the distressed part of my brain telling me that I can avoid disappointing people if I just let them take control of everything and never say No or speak up. Especially with P it has seemed for a while that the best way to avoid annoying them is to just let them take the lead, because me trying to exercise my own autonomy just causes analysis paralysis and arguments leading to panic attacks/meltdowns/shame spirals...Generally I'm just low energy now.
I am worried I'm going to get dumped, and I am worried that this would be proof that I am not fit for at least poly dating if not dating in general. My mind takes P and M as representative of 'the ideal ENM individual' (read: high agency, extremely independent, values autonomy, effortless boundaries/assertiveness, highly efficient/no EF issues etc.) and I am projecting all of my insecurities onto the whole damn scene.
How much of this boils down to bad communication, RSD and internalised ableism? Idk. I can tell that my mind is on a worry train now. I worry that I won't be able to mentally solve this issue and I *have* to let go. Right now I need to clean this place up a little before the weekend. Any help appreciated

For the sake of the story and to avoid confusion the man who I thought was my bio dad I’ll call him NBD and my actual bio dad I’ll call BD, Step dad will be SD, and my mom will just be mom.
Two years ago, I was gifted a 23andMe test, I was excited to find out where I came from ethnically.
When I finally got my results I noticed 3 things immediately, I wasn’t Albanian, I WAS Polish, and it linked me to a great great aunt I never heard about. I called NBD mom and asked her about the great great aunt and she had no idea who it was, so I did my own digging.
I reached out to the great great aunt’s daughter and she listed family names I could look into. I eventually found someone who told me their aunt might know who my real dad was and she’d get back to me. When she finally did get back to me she apologized and said her aunt told her she would not help and that people were entitled to their secrets. I was pissed. I was entitled to the truth!!
I finally reached out to my mom and while busy she told me to send her screenshots and she would get back to me. My mom called an hour later sobbing, apologizing, up-and-down. It was then that the fact NBD wasn’t my dad really hit me. It was really traumatic finding out everything I thought I knew about myself was a lie, like I wasnt a whole person just, fragments. I wanted to be angry or sad but I was just numb. I just wanted to know who my dad really was. my mom told me she had recognized the name and immediately knew who my dad really was. She told me she had called him before calling me back and told him what was happening and that if I wanted a relationship with him, he was more than willing, but if I didn’t want a relationship with him, he was fine with that too. My mom sent me his number and I sent him a text and told him to call me whenever he could.
About a week later, I went to go meet BD for the first time as his daughter that year, my birthday ended up landing on Father’s Day (yay me) so I brought him a first Father’s Day card for a new dad as a joke to break the ice and he had bought me flowers. I was so worried he wasn’t going to like me and that his girlfriend wouldn’t like me either but they are the best!!! They had to be one year old daughter and an adopted his gfs nephew. I gained two new siblings over night. They had another baby girl last year so I added another sibling to the mix
It turned out the aunt that didn’t want to spill the family secrets is my grandmother BD mom. She apologized for not sharing, but she didn’t want me to hear it from her and wanted me to hear it from my mom. It’s been two years and my relationship with BD is amazing he texts me randomly list to let me know he loves me and to check in.
The downside is NBD family is really weird towards me now, I get that they are mad at my mom but it doesn’t feel fair to be treating me differently. Anytime I bring the situation up at all to my mom she begins to feel bad and starts crying so I can’t talk to her. BD is just so chill he doesn’t seem bothered at all so I just don’t bring it up with him really but do occasionally talk through it sometimes with his GF who I now also call mom. I’ve had some not great remarks made to me by family members basically saying that the situation should be kept quiet to avoid embarrassment or that peoples lives were ruined. Like gee thanks sorry I’m an embarrassing bastard child that ruined peoples lives. I feel like some burdensome mistake that people would be better off without and it’s not fair. I didn’t do anything wrong yet how I exist is viewed as a shameful and hushed topic rather then an honest mistake. Don’t get me wrong I’m upset I could have had a present dad rather then someone who wasn’t really around till I was 18 but COME ON. In any case I know I probably need to see a therapist about this, but it’s nice to finally vent my feelings somewhere that isn’t just in my own head. Thanks for listening.
TLDR; 23andMe test revealed my dad wasn’t my dad. I met my bio dad and he’s amazing. Definitely need therapy so cause this was traumatic but also the situation just makes me feel numb?
EXTRA CONTEXT: my mom genuinely thought NBD was my dad if there was even a doubt in her mind she would have checked. Having NBD as my dad was not a choice she would have made for me or her.

We dated for only 1.5 months she cut things off saying she had to go heal more from her abusive ex before me, from what she had told me he was a bad guy. They were together 3 years and only been split for 5ish months.
Anyway she cut things off with me a month ago now, we sent some condolences to one another within a week of the cut off because my grandad passed and she laid her dogs to rest. We then went back to silence.
Her birthday was last week and it was a battle for me not to say anything to her. I didn’t though and was very proud of myself for not doing so.
Yesterday I woke up very much feeling like messaging her happy belated birthday sorry it’s late. So I did, I didn’t want to spend all day fighting my head over such a trivial thing so I sent it off, I got a reply, she thanked me and hopefully I was doing well, I then replied saying thanks, doing alright, hope shes having a good time on holiday with her family, she then sent 2 pictures of nice scenery and saying how she wish she brought her car.
I replied again saying it looks lovely and im sure next year she will take the hard top off and be in her element. She replied a final time saying something along the lines of yeah hopefully next year!
I left the conversation there. Im happy with that chat, I dont know where or even if it will lead to anything in the future but it has weirdly gave me a bit of closure.
I dont have anything to say to her again which is fantastic, I suppose thats where the closure has came from.
Im probably going to ask if she wants to watch deadpool 3 when its out as we watched the first 2 together during dating with plans to see the 3rd. Thats the final line I think there, if she declines thats alright, if she agrees then we just see how things are.
Im open to trying a friendship, not sure I could date her again, would take some time for me to build that trust again.

I (13F) have 5 siblings (17F, 16M, 15M, 10F, 8F) and 3 step siblings (14M, 11M and 9F) as well as a half brother (4M).
My middle step sibling is my 11 year old stepbrother Bryer. His mom died 7 years ago when he was 4, this is the same year my parents divorced. My mom started dating his dad a year after this happened. They got married in December last year and this is our first Mother’s Day together.
Bryer has been the one who is the most okay with all of this, he never mentions his mom when my other step siblings do. He’s said he was never really that close to her, which makes sense because the only people he’s close to are his friends from school who he plays basketball with. Those boys are the only people who he will allow to hug him and the only people he seems to like talking to. Bryer isn’t close with me or any of his siblings, he’s not close to his dad or my mom either. He will buy birthday gifts and Christmas gift, but even at family parties, he will spend most of his time on his phone taking to his friends. He’s always been like this according to my stepdad. I’ve always thought it was weird.
On Sunday, Breyer and I had some fights over how he was acting on Mother’s Day and I don’t think I did anything wrong, but my mom and stepdad are upset at me.
The first fight happened while we were going to lunch for Mother’s Day, Breyer is a very picky eater and he was getting all nervous over not finding a menu online for the place we went to. I told him to chill out and he could look at the menu when we got there, but he was freaking out about if they had nothing he liked. I told him if they didn’t have anything he knew he liked, he should try something new but he said he was worried he wouldn’t like that either. When we got there, he saw some things he liked on the menu and he was fine, and I told him he shouldn’t have been so dramatic and that I told him so, and my mom told me to knock it off. I tried to explain to her my opinions, but she told me that it’s “ok to be a picky eater” and how she read an article online about young people having “menu anxiety”.
Another fight we had was over the gifts he got her. My mom’s favorite animal are elephants, she thinks they’re cute, but she doesn’t spend all day thinking about them or watching movies about them. Bryer often goes out to the thrift or antique stores with his friends, and he had a bunch of elephant stuff for her, from little figurines to shirts to books and more. He said anytime he saw something with an elephant, he got it for her. He was keeping the collection at a friend’s house and had to bring it in a trash bag because it was so much stuff. Bryer does this with basketball stuff, from shoes to posters to trophies, anything basketball he sees in a store he wants. It’s all he ever talks about and he knows a lot about it. I told Breyer that she didn’t need all of this elephant stuff, but he said he was right for getting it and how he wants her to have a collection of the stuff she loves, we literally need to get a new cabinet for the living room to put all of them in.
We had another fight when he started to have a temper tantrum when our plans changed, we were supposed to see my great grandma’s spot at the cemetery, but my mom decided that it would be too much for her and wanted to do something fun instead, so we decided to go to the donut shop on the way there instead. Breyer was freaking out because he didn’t have plans for what he wanted at the shop and didn’t know what they had. Everyone there’s even a minor change like this, he starts to cry and fidget. My mom and his dad claimed him down, I told him he needed to grow up and know that as an adult, sometimes things change.
Later that night, my mom told me that I was overreacting to Breyer’s behavior and that he’s always been a bit quirky. She told me about a guy she had in her school in elementary school that reminds her of Breyer, she said he would go on about cats and knew everything about them, etc. He moved after elementary school. She said he now owns a cat cafe a few towns over and she wants to visit it now. She said he’s a very happy and successful man, and she was talking to him on Facebook. He told her not to worry about Breyer and how it’s ok to be shy like he was. She said that if I continue to talk about Bryer's quirks that I would get in trouble. She said they love Breyer for just the way he is, that nothing is wrong with him and that “everyone has a bit of weird in them, including you, Breyer is just a bit more weird than average”. AITA?

I (23F) have really been struggling with my boyfriend’s (23M) parents. Little bit of context he works with his dad but he’s not very nice, always shouting at him and belittling him when he makes mistakes. His mum is slightly nicer but very overbearing. My problems with them have been building up slowly over time. First it started with comments about my clothes being too revealing, starting with you’re going to be cold and escalating to you don’t wear any clothes when you come round. It made me uncomfortable but I stayed polite, nod along to the dad’s egotistical ramblings. Weird things have happened as well where I got invited to the mums birthday dinner but not my bfs birthday dinner. But a month or two things took a turn when my bf asked his dad about a job contract (as he works for him and he doesn’t have one), and the dad accused me of being the one behind him asking. He called me a stupid cow behind my back and said I was rude for a numerous different things like not coming inside the house when I dropped him home one time. Since then I have been keeping my distance. Then my bf had an exam and his mum took his car to go away for a week because the lease expired on hers. It basically meant he had to stay home and study the whole time as his dad had a problem with him seeing me when he had the exam coming up. I was very happy when that situation was over, relieved to see him again. Then not even a week later he got invited to go stay at the family house in france for a week as his dad and sister were going up. My bf then invited me to come as well which I said yes to but asked if his family was okay with it as his parents aren’t a big fan of me. Apparently they said it was fine but then his dad was talking at dinner about how the three of them (him, my bf and sister) would go and do stuff together, not acknowledging that I was going as well. After that my bf spoke to his sister about the trip and he decided he didn’t want to go, the reason he gave me was that he just didn’t fancy it and would spend time with his sister another time which is the original reason he was going. But when he told his dad, he then accused me of pulling strings in the background and manipulating him. It just seems like every week is a new drama and it’s starting to get to me and I don’t know how I can deal with it all moving forwards.

Hello again...
It has been a while...
This month marks two years since I began this gargantuan task of translating Dogra Magra. I couldn't believe that I began this at my first year and now I'm about to end my third year. I'll admit that progress has been very slow. It has been eating at me how slow I've been working. I've at least 250 or so pages to go, and yet, it feels like I'm Sisyphus painfully rolling that stone up the hill, but in my case, I couldn't even get to the peak.
I apologize for the delay. I know I said that I'd give the update on the 23rd of April, but it's now May 15 (where I'm from). I'm sorry.
I picked this date to celebrate the birthday of Mikhail Bulgakov, whose work, The Master and Margarita, is, alongside The Brothers Karamazov, my favorite novel of all time. It was this magic I need after the various novels of realism I had been buying these days. I needed this profound book infused with biting satire and an absurd yet funny plot to bring variety to my readings. A definite reading, I say. I've read it three times the past two months since I bought it...
Third year is almost over, and yet I feel that it had been draining what remained of my enthusiasm for anything. From documentaries to researches to a live TV broadcast, I felt that I've been too tired to do anything these days. And yet, after this comes the mandatory OJT. I can only pray that my will to write continues to stay strong.
I will admit... I had somewhat lost my enthusiasm with translating. It was painful to even look at my text. I was already considering just vanishing altogether and moving on. I began to doubt myself as I always have, but even stronger than before. Thoughts of inadequacy, of mediocrity, of self-hatred just came to me.
But, I had an epiphany. A certain user told me how much he liked my translation, and he felt the hard work I put into doing it. I realized that my work was not in vain. In this one user, I found that I had successfully given Q-san's words light in the English language. I, an amateur, had managed to give Q-san's words the honor it deserves.
And now, looking back at my text, yet to be edited, filled with some errors, and 200 plus pages long, instead of dread and hatred, I felt pride and wonder at myself for the work I had done. And juggling this with college was even more impressive looking back.
So, I came back and tried to churn out a good number of pages in the week before today. I was rusty, I admit, but I made it up with my newfound enthusiasm. I am now confident that I can deliver Q-san's words to the English audience the best way and with quality that will be unlike any cheap translated text found online.
I have been rereading my two books by F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby, Tender is the Night), and I realize that I want my English to shine as much as Fitzgerald when I put this Japanese text to English. I want it to glimmer out the pages, to leave nothing wasted. He is my ideal of what beautiful modern English is (I put "modern" to distinguish from Shakespeare or Chaucer).
So, if it will be alright for you people, just keep watching, because I will continue to present Q-san's works to you, and I will ensure its completion no matter how long! So stay tuned, and keep reading!
The problem now is a date... It is rather difficult to decide due to OJT. For now, I can only give an approximation. Perhaps around the last week of June would be for the best. If not, the first week of July would suffice.
Again, I apologize, and still hope you will continue to grant me a chance to do this.
And again, if there are any trouble about the text, do not hesitate to comment so that I can improve on it.
Au revoir! Auf Wiedersehen! 行ってきます! До свидания! Arrivederci! Good bye!
See you then!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GdCGl3quvSVJfQZ4Ku-2yylzEZvokjwa/view?usp=drivesdk

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I’m still embarrassed for how the relationship went and that I let her treat me. If anything I learned a lot from this relationship.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

Planning my little guys first birthday (and I’m not normally a party planning person). But I’m wondering…what do you do at these? It’s going to be mostly adults maybe some other kiddos. Starting at 11 am due to nap scheduling and planning to have it just for a couple of hours. Any tips on best type of food and activities for these types of things? or tips for hosting this in general? Why am I so overwhelmed by this lol

I (24/F) have this friend (21/F) who I met two summers ago and is part of our larger friend group. Her and I were very flirty with each other the first summer we met, but I had purposefully not taken it further because she was 19 then and I felt icky about the age gap. I had made up my mind that if she wouldn’t make a move I was not going to either. Her and I continue to be flirty with each other, so much so even her mom asked her if we were dating and she said we weren’t but made it known in front of our friends that she would “go for me, but I wouldn’t go for her” in the moment looking back I could have easily just brought up the age difference but I ended up saying that she wasn’t my type and I wouldn’t go for her because she is “high maintenance” (I know it’s a stupid thing to say but I was taken aback) That ended any talk about dating or anything. We would still be flirty but we settled into a friendship that the both of us would say we enjoy.
Last summer she had a two week trip she took and that extended time away from her really made me sad and within those few weeks it hit me that I did like her a lot more than I had thought. I had been pushing my feelings down so as to not lose the friendship and all my emotional floodgates opened. I was now actively crushing on her, but I felt that it would be weird for me to pursue anything because she was still 20. I told myself once she turns 21 I could possibly bring up dating, but even telling her about my feelings and risking the friendship sounded scary. A couple months after this realization she ended up with a boyfriend. I made my peace with the fact that her and I weren’t going to be a thing and that the friendship wasn’t worth throwing away for my feelings. She turned 21 and we celebrated her birthday as a big group.
She somehow ended up spending Thanksgiving with my family and one night while very much under the influence I ended up just telling her I had liked her and she just kinda brushed it aside. We didn’t quite talk about it and I took her not bringing it up as rejection, I felt awful for blurting my feelings when she was clearly with her boyfriend. Her and I continue to be friends but a month after this whole thing she breaks up with her boyfriend. I had made sure to keep my distance as I got over her and our friendship was still good. I stopped engaging anytime she would be flirtatious with me and that slowly died down until a day ago. We were just hanging out when a conversation just led to her asking me out on a date? I frankly blacked out the conversation because I was so confused I told her she was not being serious but she insisted she was and I just told her that I had already confessed my feelings to her and she was confused because she didn’t think my words back in thanksgiving was a confession and that explained why she hadn’t brought it up. She was serious about going on the date and we have it planned for tomorrow but I am not sure how to feel. I have been working on getting over her the last few months but the moment she asked me I was more than eager to say yes, so how much of my feelings have dissipated? I don’t know I need advise on how to feel and act.

My MIL & FIL live in a 3 bedroom lake house about 4 hours from us. My husband’s aunt and 2 adult cousins are flying in from Alaska for July 4th. The only come to the state every two years. But will be on our side of the state the week after. My MIL has been asking us about coming up for the 4th since Nov. He agreed without talking with me. I have seen her several times since then and have said “I’m not sure what we have going on”. We have been together for 5 years and have spent 3 July 4th’s with them. So there’s somewhat of an expectation that we go up there for the 4th. We didn’t last year because I was 9 months pregnant.
My husband (35) and I (28) have a 10 month old. I don’t want to go for a multitude of reasons. His father has made several derogatory comments about my body that make it hard for me to want to go spend the weekend around him in a swimsuit.
I have several safety concerns regarding my daughter. They have several large dogs and 2 have displayed aggression. 4 unfixed males so there’s a dog fight almost every time we’re there. We’ve been up there 2x since she was born and both times we were promised the dogs would stay put up & they weren’t. Several times my MIL encouraged the dogs to get near my daughter. I have voiced my concerns about this several times and each time my concerns are validated but when we’re physically there the dogs end up getting out and staying out.
They have a very steep/slippery walk to their dock and the only safe way to get out there is through the back yard where they keep the large agressive dogs. Their boat is quite old and has had a number of mechanical issues. They also usually let the dogs on the boat with them.
This is where I think I may be being a bit petty. His brother and SIL are coming into town splitting their time up between his parents and our house May 25- June 7th. They are spending the first week (Memorial Day Weekend) with his parents. My husband originally wanted us to drive separately so he could spend the whole week up there. I refused to drive with my baby 4 hours through two major cities alone. So we agreed to be there for 2-3 days. My family planned a vacation to the beach to spread my grandma’s ashes June 13-18. Everyone is going, aunts uncles, my parents, siblings, nephew, etc. We planned on going but bc his brother and SIL are going to be here the two weeks before we can’t go on my family trip. He can’t miss that much work during wheat harvest. (He’s a John Deere mechanic). I could still go but I don’t want to bc it’s his first Father’s Day and his birthday and that just feels wrong. My thought process is since I’m missing my family vacation because of his family I don’t want to spend the 4th with his parents. We will have been there the month before. I’d rather spend it with my family (who will likely be gathering for the 4th but haven’t confirmed plans yet).
His parents have been an issue with us off and on for years. I knew how he was about his parents before we got married. He would go up there monthly. This is the only source of contention in our marriage but it is a big one. I don’t know how to talk with him about this without bringing up the same points I’ve discussed several times. It feels we have reached an impasse. Should I just suck it up and go for the 4th or dig my heels in and cause contention and likely a fight?

What’s some of the strangest magical thinking thoughts you’ve had? Sometimes I feel like I get the most random ones.
Like just now I opened the box of the led strip I got for my birthday I planed on putting on my bed. When I looked at the back the part you peel to make it sticking said “you ri jiu #513” the 13 got my attention first then of course I put the “you ri jiu” into Google translate and it means “someday”.
So my ocd goes “what if it’s a spell” and now I’ve just put it away back in the box (wasn’t gunna set it up today anyway just wanted a look) but yay thanks ocd for making something out of everything.

So on Friday, I asked if my friend wanted to accompany to a club either that evening (Friday) or preferably Saturday, since there was a special event going on and I wanted to do something to celebrate my birthday last weekend. They said they couldn’t make it because their cousin was in town. I didn’t think anything of it.
So come Saturday I decided to go alone because I wanted to get out of the house. Guess who the first person I see going up the stairs was? Neither of us had any idea the other was going. They said they decided to go last minute to do the speed dating. I opted not to doing the speed dating and arrived maybe 30 minutes after it started to attend the event. After the speed dating ended they insisted on paying for my food and drink, which they did (they beat me to handing the bartender my card) as a birthday gift. They also invited me to come out to a club sports we’re in, that I normally see them weekly at but I’d been taking a month off due to personal reasons but I was planning on going this Sunday. Anyway, should I be paranoid about this? Nothing has “happened”, but I feel like I’m the type of person that still would’ve given the person that initially invited and told me about the event a heads up that I was still going. I was fine to hangout by myself and I did for the most part. They stayed maybe an hour after and I stayed for a few hours.

So, I am pregnant with our first baby (a little boy) - 15 weeks tomorrow! My husband and I had a rocky start about starting a family. We have been together since we were 16, married two weeks before our 22nd birthday (we were born the same day, in hospitals next to one another) and we will be 25 in a few months so this was very much a "we are settled into our life together and i want kids with you" type deal. I felt very ready to have a baby since July 2023 but he wanted to hold off, and we did argue back and forth. I realized after a lot of arguing and a lot of self reflection, I could not force him to be ready to have a child, nor would it be fair for any of us. So i agreed to wait until he was ready. We also have a cruise were doing in July and I said I would rather not be pregnant for that, obviously that's not how it worked out in the end but we are both happy and excited about the little one. All that to say this; while we had a multitude of reasons of being worried about baby, one of my big ones has been my weight and my self body image. My husband has been extremely reassuring and kind to me, going above and beyond my expectations. Well yesterday he sent me a text along the lines of him thinking that my being pregnant and how my body is changing has been a turn on for him, and that he appreciates what I'm going through and how I look etc. He genuinely asked if this was a normal reaction but doesn't know how or who to ask, and frankly neither do I. I think it's normal right?

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I still feel very embarrassed for how I let her treat me and embarrassed that I didn’t know the relationship was toxic. If anything I learned a lot from this experience.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

My [M31] girlfriend [F31] is running her first marathon the day after my friend is having his 30th birthday celebrations. I have known my friend since I was 6 and told him that I'd be there for the meal and drinks after, but I'm worried my girlfriend will threaten to leave me if I do.
When I told her that I was going to the 30th, she got very angry and said that there's no way I'm allowed to go cause it would ruin her sleep and her race if I did. She said she wants an early night and won't be able to sleep if I'm not there, so she'd be too tired to enjoy the marathon experience.
I tried to compromise and said I wouldn't drink much when I'm there and I'd come back at a reasonable time, I'd even sleep in the spare room so I didn't disturb her. She didn't believe me and remained angry at my suggestion.
Later on she realised that she missed the bus tickets to get her to the starting area. I said I'd drive her no issues. This means I need to wake up at 5am to get her there on time. This being a few days later I brought up my friends 30th again hoping she may have calmed down. I asked to go again, since I'd have to be sensible given I'm driving early, she still got angry and demanded that I don't go and said I was being selfish and if I ruin this for her then that's it (implying the end of our 6 year relationship).
I feel like I'm stuck in a situation where I'm going to hurt someone. If I go to my friends birthday my girlfriend will hate me for it and if I don't go my friends will all lose respect for me. This isn't the first time a situation like this has risen and more often than not I decide to stay with my girlfriend, but this is a big milestone birthday and I'm not sure what to do?

We have to develop a group project in the university. We use Angular for Frontend and Spring for the backend and everything runs in a docker compose stack.
I can't manage to make post requests from the frontend to the backend. It works fine when using postman using this body:

{"username":"user","firstname":"peter","lastname":"parker","birthday":"2024-05-14","email":"p@p.com","password":"pass"} 

But when I try to execute the post through the form on my website I get this error in the js console:

Access to XMLHttpRequest at 'http://localhost:8080/' from origin 'http://localhost' has been blocked by CORS policy: Response to preflight request doesn't pass access control check: No 'Access-Control-Allow-Origin' header is present on the requested resource. 

I read online about this error and it says that the CORS handshake has failed. Does anybody know how to fix that or how I should try to debug this?
This is my angular function:

 user: User = new User(); passwordRepeat: string = ''; loginUsername: string = ''; loginPassword: string = ''; usertype: string = ''; httpOptions = { headers: new HttpHeaders({ 'Content-Type': 'application/json', Accept: '*/*', 'Access-Control-Allow-Origin': 'http://localhost:8080', }), }; constructor(private http: HttpClient) {} onRegister() { if (this.user.password !== this.passwordRepeat) { console.error('Passwort stimmt nicht mit Passwort-Wiederholung überein'); return; } const endpoint = this.usertype === 'Admin' ? '/create/admin' : '/create/player'; this.http .post('http://localhost:8080', this.user, this.httpOptions) .subscribe( (response) => { console.log('Success: ', response); }, (error) => { console.error('Error: ', error); } ); } 

When I inspect the request in the inspector it looks the same like in postman:

{ "username": "my-user-name", "firstname": "my first name", "lastname": "my last name", "email": "me@mydomain.com", "password": "123", "birthday": "2024-05-14" } 

I would really appreciate any help!

Hey girls! I would love to offer you a spot in my DC community where it's just us women who can chat about anything and everything. We're all getting to know one another and becoming each others support as we grow together and become great friends along the way! The girls are so wonderful and will make you feel comfortable if you are feeling unsure. We do game/movie nights and sometimes giveaways for when we reach an X amount of members in the server. We all share common interests from reading, anime, Kdrama/Kpop, gym, Beauty/Fashion, gaming, art, and even for those who want a little study group. Whatever hobbies/interests you have, we all want to know and talk about it so you don't feel left out! We can also spam a bunch of things from our loving pets to tiktok, or if there's ever a time you need to talk about something or need advice, then we have a lovely support system here! Everyone here is so welcoming. This is a non-judgemental and safe space for you to make friends and yap your heart out! I am accepting any women on the spectrum because at the end of the day, women support ALL women! So if you're 22+, 26+ and even 30+ no matter how "old" you think you are. First of all, you're not, and second of all, I ENCOURAGE you to join us and be a part of our circle! If you have any more questions, then dont hesitate to ask. I can be your hype women and take care of you in hopes for you to join this space for you to meet your potential new best friends!

Hi everyone, I’m heading to Bali from London to celebrate my birthday later this year and although I was torn between a few different hotels (FS Sayan, FS Jimbaran Bay, Jumeirah Bali, Bulgari resort etc), I ultimately decided on these three. My partner and I do not participate in partying at all, which influenced our decisions:
2 nights at Raffles Jimbaran Bay, 3 nights at Capella Ubud, 2 nights at the Ritz Mandapa Reserve Ubud
We are ending it off with a week in Singapore but we have already decided on somewhere to stay there. I mainly chose to include Bali as my boyfriend was attracted to the idea of surfing there + I want to celebrate my birthday at a nice resort rather than a city hotel.
We knew we wanted to spend our first two days in the South as my partner enjoys surfing (I know Bali isn’t generally a beach holiday place to visit so I tried to go for a nice resort I could lounge around whilst he goes surfing), but I was indecisive between Bulgari, FS Jimbaran Bay, Raffles and the Jumeirah resort. I enjoy the finer things in life (whilst my partner doesn’t so im trying to make the most out of him being away most of the time to go all out with my first hotel pick), and decided on Raffles in part due to having heard about their great service due to them having a relatively small amount of villas as well as the fact that having a pool in my villa gives me an extra activity to do to kill time. Did I make a good decision? It’s hard to find reviews with it being a relatively new hotel, but those I found looked great. The other hotels had more mixed reviews so it was hard to form a realistic expectation towards them. My choice was most likely between Raffles VS the Bulgari resort, which I decided against out of the worry it might not have the quality to match the price - as some reviews seemed to highlight. FS Jimbaran Bay was my original plan before I heard that the villas are quite dated now. The only outings I’m planning during my time in the South are to visit Uluwatu temple and having dinner at one of the popular seafood restaurants along Jimbaran Bay, otherwise I want to stay within the resort.
I then went with Capella to go for something unique - I was deciding between Buahan a Banyan Tree escape too but Capella’s quirkiness seemed like more of a once in a lifetime experience sort of place. I wanted most nights of my stay to be in Ubud as I have never visited a ‘jungle’ before so it is new to me. Im planning to do all of my visiting around Ubud during my time at the Capella.
Regarding Mandapa, the superb reviews were what drew me in. But, FS Sayan has great reviews too. Did I make the better choice between the two? This is the leg of the trip my birthday falls under so I wanted to go somewhere I could spend the whole stay lounging around and not leaving the resort/ partaking in in-resort activities only. My partner was willing to compromise and go all out for this leg of the trip in Ubud due to it being my birthday, so I was looking for the highest rated resort I could find that also fit with the jungle experience I was looking for.
Would anyone be against either of my picks for any important reasons (unexpectedly subpar soft product quality etc.)? Or would these be solid hotel choices. Thank you in advance! I appreciate the help.

How broke is he?
I've been rewatching seasons, he spends SO much money, not just on clothes but weird things too. Ariana's RV birthday to NASCAR, that had to have cost upwards of $10k. Schwartz's wedding, he paid for the triplets to fly in and they missed the first flights. Jax did not pay for the last minute flights. So those were expensive. He paid for their entire drag wardrobe, professional makeup and wig gluing for Tom's bachelor party in NOLA. Plus a SUV rental with over 60 cases of beer and liquor. His entire wardrobe as well, which are all designer pieces. Each article of clothing is likely $300 minimum, even his ugly "I feel fine" shirt. Rachella was $15k plus, also paid for. Pretty much all of his entrances and spectacles he'd create, he paid for and they couldn't possibly be cheap. He gave money away to Scheana and Kristen. He borrowed $250k from his mom to start the restaurant, and had to put that mortgage down for it. Not to mention all the dining out, his employment of his assistant, employment AND TOURING of his band, and what comes with that. Like putting the deposits down on venue, paying for the travel costs, boarding, handling of band equipment, etc.
That dude has to be BROKE. He can't POSSIBLY be bringing in enough money to finance all of this stuff. $25k per episode is a lot of money, don't get me wrong, but enough to cover all of those costs? I also see that Shorts and Sandals restaurant isn't really in a great location, isn't really crowded or frequented, and the food quality evidently has gone downhill as well. Restaurants are not an easy investment to make money off of, especially post 2020 when prices of labor and leasing went up. Especially plated restaurants/cocktail bars.
I think the sale of this house will be the straw that breaks the camels back, financially. I don't think he has anything else to put down for the restaurant except that mortgage. I don't think he has anything to his name right now. His best hope is to move out and rent out the house to someone who can cover the cost of the mortgage and that's just to stay afloat, which is my operating theory as why he's digging in his heels even further just to keep that house. But even then, Ariana taking her name off of everything will inflate the price to 2024 interests and mortgage rates... and if VPR ends entirely or terminates his employment, I'm pretty sure he's going to sink in this debt.
The punishment fits the crime.... but... I mean, who spends that much money on pointless things?

Warning: mention of pregnancy loss and death of family members by gun violence
I, 31 female, have been together with my husband, 37 male, for 10 years and married for almost 9. We have two beautiful children, a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter and he has two other children with two other women that he doesn’t get to see and pays child support for. Before my son we had 12 losses, one of which I hemorrhaged from and then I ending up almost hemorrhaging to death after our son was born. We also had one more miscarriage after our daughter was born and I’ve since decided to not try for anymore even though this breaks my heart a little because I always wanted a bigger family.
I recently lost my mother and 10 year old niece in August after they were unalived by a family friend who also unalived himself. Less than two months later, my sister tragically passed in a car accident. To say that broke me is truly an understatement. For months all I could do was cry everyday and feel excruciating pain. My mom and sister were extremely close. We messaged and called every day, multiple times a day even though we all live within a 10 mile radius. They were there for me through everything life had to spit at us. We already have lost every female on my dad’s side of the family. My sister and I were all that was left besides our own daughters. The future feels daunting knowing that there may very well be decades with them not here with me.
It’s been many months now and I feel like I am finally starting to feel happiness and I’m just doing my best to spend as much time with my kids and remaining niece and nephew. My oldest niece is my partner in crime especially now that we are in the no mom and no sister club. She’s only in her early teens and she had also been shot but thankfully survived.
On to the issue. My husband has honestly never really put in any effort for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Usually my birthday I don’t give a crap for but it’s only because in the past I’ve been disappointed because no one ever did anything for it. And I’m talking about just like a card and cake. Nothing serious. I really have dirt floor standards to be frank because I just have learned throughout life not to expect anything. That said I am the person who no matter what kind of financial situation I am in will find a way to show love and appreciation no matter the budget. I’ll make you hand made cards, I’ll personally call you on your birthday or special holidays, and I’ll make cake or cupcakes from scratch. If I have a budget I’ll plan dinner and some time to spend out. I just love making people feel happy and special. I was just raised that way.
So of course I find and marry the one person who honestly could kind of care less. I don’t think he has ever gotten or done anything for my birthday, not for Christmas. I remember he got me something for Mothers Day a few years ago…AFTER I had said something. My mom and sister on the other hand always made sure I got a card and we all had a Mothers Day dinner where we would cook and just enjoy time with our kids and ourselves.
This is my first Mothers Day without them and tomorrow and my sisters birthday without her. I had already verbally mentioned how hard it was going to be and my husband fully knew that it was going to be a hard day for me. My friends even sent him ideas for me, like just cleaning up the house and waking up to make breakfast for me. Things he’s honestly never done ever, but hey those are free things anyone could do to make someone feel special. All he said to my best friend was “lol I don’t have any money.” She got pissed. She ended up buying me flowers, a wind chime, some NA beer (I’m sober), and spent extra time with me because she knew I needed my support people on Mother’s Day. My dad also came out in support and got me more NA beer, bought me lunch, and we picked up my oldest niece and I got to spend a ton of time with her. My husband? Slept in until 10:30am. Didn’t do anything all day. I was up at 6 am with the kids and made breakfast after I realized he was still sleeping because ya know, kids can’t starve and I’m not going to wait 4 hours to have breakfast myself.
The thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. He can’t stay employed and oftentimes will switch jobs to avoid paying child support. Sure he’s present for the kids now, but when the going gets tough he pretty much stops putting in effort. I bet if I lived even 20 minutes away from him he wouldn’t see the kids often. He has never ever done much around the house despite me working MULTIPLE jobs at times (at one point I was working 3 and going to school). I work full time for a Fortune 500 company and he can’t even schedule a damn doctors appointment for himself. Any time I try to bring things up he’s dismissive or just denies things. And now he’s also getting more angry and aggressive because child support is being taken out again and he ended up swatting our son so hard our son doubled over…in front of my whole family! This along with Mothers Day has got me just thinking I need to divorce him. He can’t hit our kids like that period. All our son did was throw a damn smore at him! And I have multiple witnesses including my niece, grandfather, brother and SIL. I want to protect our kids. I feel like after that happened if I stay with him I am essentially condoning his behavior. I absolutely confronted him about it and he says he feels bad and should never have done it but he felt justified in that moment. I can’t trust someone like that. And it’s not the first time he’s swatted at our son but this was certainly the worst. So I am ready to leave just for that but then our son would have to be with him unsupervised.
If I am overreacting I want to know. He says I am and constantly says I am. I just need some clarity and maybe just support because if I do this, this is something that once the ball is rolling you can’t really stop it. I’m just afraid…but I think I’m more afraid of what will happen if I stay.

I feel like Reddit is my only option to be able to receive insight or advice for my situation. So, to get right into it.. I was dumped on Valentine’s Day by my partner after 3 years of being together. Listen, my situation is different than most other breakups in a sense that it wasn’t mutual but we but mutually agreed to “take a break” while he’s busy with both work and school. He was in a nursing program while also working at a hospital. He had too much on his plate. I 100% understand that. The reason why he dumped me on Valentine’s Day is because I was supposed to see him after 2 months of waiting to see him in person. We got into an argument because he said that he would be free during the weekend but meant Thursday and Friday because that’s “his” weekend. Like bruh, of course I’d assume Saturday and Sunday. I called him to settle the confusion because I really wanted to see him. Like I said, I waited for 2 months to finally have a day to see him. Which then led to him saying mean things about how I’ve achieved nothing and need to figure that out while he focuses on what comes first. School and work. He promised to send a picture of all of his puppies, which I miss so much. That was February and I just got one picture of the dogs. Here’s the kicker though. He has no remorse or empathy towards the breakup. Whatsoever. He made it seem like it was a break, he even said “ we’ll see what happens during the summer.” Just to never even check up. I understand being busy but he didn’t even wish me happy birthday, which yeah, let’s say he’s too busy. No, he texted me on my birthday actually responding to a picture I sent of my pup. (His request was to give pictures of my dog) I responded THE SECOND HE TEXTED. I simply said “today is my birthday” I didn’t get a text until 2 days later. He’s going through a lot right now, especially since he failed out of the program. He’s planning to go to university and work more to pay for it. I understand he has so much to think of but how is he able to forget me and all of the three years we had together, so quickly. I figured he’d understand that it would be hard on me too. I cry about him everyday. I miss him so much. We were together one day and then broken up the next. He left and never looked back. I just thought maybe people could help me understand how to take that. I’m mad that he has no emotion or empathy towards the pain he’s caused me. I forgot to mention that I told him my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer two days before he broke up with me. He said that the call stressed him out and he didn’t need the stress. I get not being first, I get school and work being important but, did he even love me if he’s able to forget and move on so easily? I feel like I loved him too much and definitely more than he did for me. 3 years of dating and he’s said” I love you “ to me once. And it was like 6 months into dating, he said it by accident, then tried to play it off as if he was saying it to the dog. Then said jokingly to me, “ I was going to say something mean”. Of course I asked him to say it anyways. He goes on to say, “I was going to say, I don’t love you, I could never love you” and that was the last time he ever said it first. The first time I said it he told me thank you, that was 2 years into dating. I just, I don’t know how to take this. I thought he was my soulmate. What do you guys think? Just try and forget about him too? I cry about him every night. My soul feels empty. Everything hurts. I just wish things could’ve worked out.