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9 hours away from now

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
  
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
  
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
  
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
  
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
  
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
  
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.
  

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Honestly, I don't even know what I'm typing this here but I feel like I really need to let this out so let me preface this by saying imoved to a different school na lol and so konting context around September last 2022 I started having a " happy crush" to this guy in my old school he's ur typical cute "boy next door and golden retriever" sort of guy he's smart, top of our class and part of the student government, stuent journalist and we're both part of the choir, he also likes to write poems and he would sent it for me to read and i'd melt kahit na hindi naman about me yung poems. Somehow we found ourselves in the same friend group and we became best friends; we'd be each other rant buddy, exchane advices and would talk everyday and would update each other about our days and me being so delulu my feelings started to grow to the point na i would also write poems and cheesy stuff abt him i was not planning on telling him that i liked him kasi i dont ever make the first move. There was this one fateful day in april where we were holding choir auditions and kami naghahandle and theres this girl from a lower grade na apparently had a crush on him shes pretty naman and a bit shy as well in person and she would slide in his dms and he would entertain her and he would tell me how annoying and jeje the girl can get so siyempre i didn't bat an eye about it and then one day he just told me that he starting to have feelings for the girl and girl when I read that text, I found my whole world crumble because I had bottled up all of these feelings for him and I didn't know what to do to the point that i cried the whole night because i did love him even thought its or v one- sided. I eventually gathered the courage and sent him a letter confessing everything the day after that ( dumb move i know) and he said it would be better if we were friends and so we did i would still talk to him nothing changed much in texts but its so awkward irl sometimes when i go home and hang out with my province friends and hes there and btw him and the girl are dating na for almost a year and they seem happy sometimes i just wonder if i would have confessed earlier would that have changed things? I dont think there was day where hindi siya pumasok sa isip ko (cringe i know) lol ive had my fair share of heartbreaks and relationships but theres something really sad about loving a person you cant be with. Ppl say i should move on but for some reason after a year i still think about him and i still talk to him since were “best friends” idk if i should wait but maybe i can

General
I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable, curious and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that.
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
  
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
  
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
  
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
  
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
  
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
  
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.
  

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I M/30 dont know what to do with my gf F/30
I dont know if i'm asking for too much. I try to be as understanding as i can, but i dont know how much more i can give before i completely give up. We have been together for 2 years, i(M30) met her(F30) on bumble and we instantly fell for each other, at first we were extemely affectionate and im not talking only about sex i'm talking about compliments and hugs and meaningful conversations. She is studying and working and she is constantly stressed i understand that stress can kill romance, but the real problem is the lack of intimacy of any kind. People complain about not having sex one time a month, but i'm here being grateful if we see each other one time a month.
She says that she doesnt have time for more right now and i believe her, the real problem is that i try to find other ways of having time together and nothing i propose works. I told her that we could do exercice together online, she said that she doesnt like doing exercice online, ok fair enough. I saw her spend a lot of time playing mariokart online on mobile so told her if we could play videogames together, she doesnt have time for that. Ok so i found an app for couples, its like a journal where we answer cute questions about us and our relationship, she doesnt like that. I made her a physical journal where i put poems, questions, and photos, It was completely ignored and untouched. She downloaded an app for looking at telenovelas so i asked if we could see movies together online, nope she is busy. I asked if i could go to her house and work together, that doesnt work because i distract her, ok thats fair. We only talk on WhatsApp and the conversation is always the same "how are you? Good and you? What did you do today? Only work..." And the conversation dies. I told her that i would like a phone call even if its one time a week and she said that she doesnt have time, and i could go on with more examples, but she says that i'm not understanding that she doesnt have time and at the same time she says that i lack initiative.
In one fight i said that if she wanted she would make an effort, and she took It really badly she said that she is doing the best she could right now. And the thing is i believe her to an extent, she is working, studying, her father and mother lost their jobs and she is helping them, her grandma is sick. She is stressed constantly i help her as much as i can for example if i know she is not eating well i send her something to eat, her mother has the opportunity of opening a laundromat so i'm helping designing the logo and the signboards for the laundromat for free, i have helped with the chores at her house.
She is constantly telling me that i'm distancing myself emotionally, but there is no room for me to get emotionally conected to her. The only physical contact that we had lately is one sided hugs and pecks on the lips and only if i intitiate them. One time i hugged her for more than 5 seconds and she patted my back, she fucking patted my back, It really destroyed me. We didnt had sex for 9 months straight. I dont think sex is necessary In a relationship but its one of the best indicators if the relationship is working or not. i feel so touchstarved that i sleep on my bed hugging myself. I dont know what to do anymore...
Sorry for my english and the formating, its not my first language and i'm on mobile.
TLDR: my girlfriend is constantly stressed, and have little time for me and we are slowly distancing ourselves emotionally. I dont know if i'm asking too much from her.

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
  
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
  
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
  
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
  
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
  
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.
  

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Hey there amigos! For starters, I will tell you some background. [KINDA LONG READ]
Do you know that activity during high school wherein each of the students will pass around a paper with name on it and the whole class will write what they thought about you? Guess what? I got the following:

• weird
• lutang
• may sariling Mundo
• Alien
• outcast
• warfreak

I'm that quiet kid who may seem mysterious but in reality, there is nothing really special about me. Tambay ako sa library back then, I read anything to let breaks pass. Perfect tambayan ko apart from the library ay ang restroom, locker area and the top-most floor ng school namin. I hate crowded and noisy places. I hate the classrooms specially if walang teacher to level the noise. In fact, their right, I always freak out whenever napupuno na ako sa ingay. Like, sumisigaw na lang ako out of nowhere to shut them up. Kung di sila mapatahimik, hampas ng table and suntok sa upuan ang sagot. Umaabot sa point na nangunguwelyo ako pero I'm glad na wala akong nabangasan sa mga kaklase ko. Because of this, they considered me as the S&A ng section. Pero that is a total clownery, because they are just laughing at me whenever I'll reach the peak of my emotions. My teachers on the other hand also noticed my duality in nature, Minsan active, madalas tulala. Some of the lines I received from my teachers are the following:
"Binigay ko na nga lahat ng sagot pero bagsak ka pa rin." "You exceeded my expectation, I'll show your work to other sections." "Sa simula ka lang magaling, I expected more from you." "Dati nakikipagsabayan ka ah, what happened?" "Buti kinorrect mo yung solution sa equation, congrats you got the 3rd place merit." "Eyes on the board, wala ka matututunan if diyan ka sa bintana titingin."
I'm just an average person and I recognize that, I am not a natural genius. I have to work hard for the merits. I got an average grade which gave me the eligibility to enter university during SHS. New environment, new me. This time I owned my life and started joining orgs and clubs. Laging pinagaagawan sa mga groupings but I always choose to be with those na walang pumipili. I wake up at 3am and sleep at 11pm. My days became hectic. My years as SHS went so fast, I ended with just honorable mention and some medals I accumulated as I compete.
Personal Development. Same activity, different results. Kung before, I got an overall comment stating na I'm an Alien. This time, I got the following:

• haggard pero cute
• laging pagod
• responsible and leader-like
• mapanglait pero Masaya kasama

Fast forward after some heartbreaks, shifting course, the Pandemic, and some job hopping (every 4 months). Hindi pa rin ako nakakagraduate. May licenses na mga kasabayan ko and here am I trying to navigate myself out of College.
I know myself and this is me:

• I love nature and the tranquility it gives. Pero you'll see my wild side when you bring me to the dance floor.
• I hyperfixate at times for an instance during the entrance examination back then, I studied 4months straight, day and night.
• I have my extreme highs when it comes to my emotions na kung saan nakakasira ako ng gamit, like yung pader sa classroom namin na sinipa ko pero ang instruction lang ay putukin ang lobo gamit kahit ano wag lang kamay. I also have my extreme lows na kung saan nakakasira ako ng relationships like cutting ties to the point na dinelete ko fb account ko and made a new one.
• I have this urge back then na in every argument, I must share my two cents. In every seminar, I have to raise my hand kahit nonsense ang tanong.
• I jump from one hobby to another. Right now, my thing is making peyote bracelets. The former ones are karate, dragon boating, drawing/ painting, song/poem writing, biking, etc. Heck, I have my room filled with different stuffs that "I might use in future"
• I can finish a book in one sitting back then, they even call me a walking encyclopedia back then kasi lagi akong may banat na "According sa nabasa ko..." kaso ngayon hirap na ako makatapos ng libro, sobrang effort na makapagsimula at makatapos ng isang chapter.

I tried to consult with a psych specialist. However, the specialist did not consider me as such. My DSM-5 results glared on three aspects. Disinhibition, impulsivity, and machiavellianism. But that is not the final diagnosis, just an initial one specially because it is free.
Just sharing this. I'm not really sure what am I looking for, maybe validation, dunno hehe.
Oh, and our baby bro show signs of ADHD as told by their teacher and my brother's girlfriend's relative who happens to be a psych grad.

So I was studying for my Armenian language and literature exam when I came across a poem that I really felt described my relationship with Kai. I thought it was really cute and I stimmed with joy upon reading it. So here is the translated piece:
*There's a magic chain in the sky
Invisible as the pain of the deep soul.
He descends as a reminder, like the evening,
Ringing the light stars one by one.
In the beautiful dream of a soft night,
Those stars, sacred as candles,
They flash nostalgic, dreamy,
Forever bound and separated.
You and I are also chained to each other.
We always dream of each other longingly,
Always together, but always apart and far away,
Like the stars, both familiar and foreign...*
Anyway I would love to read y'all's poems cause I'm a huge literature nerd

10,000 Stolen Days

May 10, 2024 marked exactly 10,000 days since Sophie’s life was taken. 10,000 days which had they not been stolen from her in December 1996, must have seemed to be filled with possibility .1996 had been a banner year, she had achieved so much in the previous 6 months, setting up her production company "Les Champs Blancs", and producing three different productions, with more on the way. But it had been exhausting few months with all this work and travel, and although Christmas is a holiday, it is not always a relaxing one.
Christmas had often been a difficult time for Sophie. She walked out her first husband Pierre Jean at Christmas 1981, so suddenly, she left her infant son behind and had to steal him back with a ruse involving a relative. She broke up with Bruno Carbonnet over Christmas in 1993. leaving him a puzzling note;
“Je suis partie là où tu n'a jamais été, là où tu n'iras jamais".
“I have left there where you have never been, there where you will never go”. This didn’t make much sense to Bruno. He waited alone for two weeks in the apartment hoping she would return, he a had bought a bicycle for Pierre Louis for Christmas. In January he left to teach in Le Harve and when he returned the locks had been changed and all his stuff was on the landing. Sophie was deliberate about change in her life she didn't just let things happen to her. Her agenda year planners reflect this. She was meticulous in recording meetings, calls, contact details and travel plans. She brought 1995, 1996 & 1997 year planners with her. There are notes and reminders stretching into February 1997. She even tore off the little perforated corners as each week passed. It's a poignant reminder of how abruptly her life was cut off in full flow - the week beginning 23/12/1996 still has its corner intact.
Sophie’s style was austere, almost minimalist. Her cottage was painted white inside and out, with a except for the ground floor, which was black slate with a shiny varnish. The only decorations were a few sprigs of holly placed by the housekeeper to welcome her. A traditional Christmas week filled with loud music, tinsel and overconsumption was the diametric opposite of her character.
Worse there is the prospect having to trade pleasantries with tiresome relatives.
That Christmas Daniel had decided for the first time to have a big family Christmas inviting his extended aristocratic family to his chateau in Ambax in the South of France. For Sophie, who even after six years of marriage barely knew Daniel’s relatives, this was an easy choice and a hard no.
She bought her ticket on the morning of her travel planning to spend nearly a week in Ireland including Christmas Day and return on the 26^th. It may be that this was the only return flight she could get at the time. Or it may be, as she told her aunt Madame Opalka “she was going to go to Ireland to spend Christmas there, because the house in Ambax was full of people”. From what Daniel has said, and from what others have said, it may be he tried to persuade her to come to Ambax for Christmas and convinced her. Sometime during the weekend she got an itinerary by fax at the cottage confirming her flight back on the 24^th. But even on Sunday afternoon she told friends she had not made up her mind which flight she would take.
It is difficult to say how well their marriage was going at that time because the reports vary. Daniel said it was "harmonius and peaceful" which was far from accurate. There are several biographies of Daniel Toscan du Plantier, and they paint a vivid picture of a man who though incomparably charming, lived his life his own way without much concern for his family. He married four times and in three cases his wives were already pregnant before they got married. When he married Sophie, his eldest son and daughter were not even told about it, they only found out later in the summer when Sophie turned up at events.
Some witnesses including Daniel said was it was the happiest period, others say she was basically “an official wife” and that “their open marriage was an open secret”. The truth was probably somewhere in between. She had visited Ambax in November and collaborated closely on the documentary Europa 101 with Daniel. Whatever their personal arrangement, Daniel was deeply affected by her death, even though he refused to come to Ireland. His daughter Ariane wrote how she spent months taking care of him, feeding him sedatives and sleeping pills. He was clearly overwhelmed, so Sophie must have been more than an "official wife" to him. Was their marriage "open"? They clearly had a high degree of independence from each and had affairs in the past.
Nevertheless, Sophie may have balked at spending Christmas in Ambax. For one thing, it was far away from Paris, where her friends and family lived. For another, Daniel’s family and entourage knew very little about her. Apart from his second son Carlo, who was friends with her son Pierre Louis and some servants, she would have been on her own. Christmas in Paris would have been tolerable, she could escape and visit her parents and friends whenever she wanted, but in Ambax, she would be cooped up with nowhere else to go.
There is a question of whether Daniel was having an affair at the time. According to a Garda memo, French journalist Caroline Mangez said that Daniel was with a female film producer. However the files are full of unsubstantiated rumours and lies. Even if he wasn’t having an affair Sophie may have suspected he was. If Daniel had invited a mistress, or even a former mistress, or a former wife to Ambax, it would be unbearably awkward for Sophie. Daniel had uncountable affairs, and many of his mistresses knew each other, some remained on good terms.
Daniel may have been faithful at that time, perhaps he was telling the truth when he said their marriage was harmonius, but in any case Sophie had other reasons to skip Christmas. She had wanted to come to Dunmanus for months, but work got in the way. The heating had just been fixed and she needed to pay the plumber and her housekeeper. They preferred cash.
And if Daniel was unhappy that she wasn’t going to be there for Christmas, they were going on holiday together in the New Year to Dakar, Senegal. It would be much easier for Sophie to be with Daniel by himself than his whole family. This trip to Ireland would be a breather for her. She didn’t want to be alone, she asked at least 8 different people to accompany her, including 2 former intimate partners, though there is no evidence that she was having an affair or intended to have an affair.
There is a post-it note with a message in Sophie's hand seemingly inviting someone to spend Christmas: "Je vous laisse le choix : venir ou de refuser histoire que vous passiez un bon noel"
"I leave you the choice: come or refuse just so you have a good Christmas"
Whoever that note was written to, it was to someone she addressed as "vous" so not one of her closest friends or family.

Work

If she had another relationship, it is not obvious from her diary and it was unknown to her friends. What her diary does show though is that she had thrown herself into work.
Apart from her agenda she kept a working notebook, a red hardback book which is filled with a tantalizing mash of different references to famous works of art, music, and contacts details of artists and philosophers. She had recently completed work on three different films. The first work was a documentary on African Art. The next was Europa 101, a documentary written by Daniel showcasing the wealth of European cinema. This was Daniel’s pet project, he loathed US cinema and the dominance of Hollywood. He once likened his wife’s death to a “bad movie”. His life’s work was a “struggle against cheap portrayals of violence, which is what leads to deaths like this” (Irish Independent 12/07/1998). This project involved gathering interviews and footage from dozens of famous directors and actors, including John Malkovich, Ingmar Berman, Pedro Almodovar, Werner Herzog, Nanni Moretti, Jean Luc Godard and many others. It was broadcast on December 8, 1996.
The third was an art house movie called “He sees folds everywhere”, a concept movie exploring the idea of folds and creases in everyday life, in hanging clothes, paper, wrinkles on skin, folds of a human brain. This was a project of the director Guy Girard, and it was the work to complete this that delayed her trip to Ireland. But she had other projects in train in her notebook. She was researching Greek folk music, Rebetiko. She had a project or projects in mind which were somewhat dark in nature.
She was in contact with George Didi-Huberman who had written a book called “The Invention of Hysteria”. This is a photographic history of how Jean Marie Charcot – one of the giants of 19c French science – locked up thousands of women for the imagined maladies of hysteria, lethargy, catalepsie and experimented on them, deliberately photographing them in contrived and frightening poses. It is a very weird and frightening history.
Her next project seems to have been based around human fluids. Her final notes are filled with references to human flesh, death and the four medieval humours of blood, phlegm, black bile, yellow bile. There are extensive notes to what seems to be a lecture given by linguist Jean Claude Milner on the subject of melancholia. Note that “melancholia” is a synonym for “black bile”, one of the four humours.
She was researching the avant garde Irish/British painter Francis Bacon, who was known for producing uniquely disturbing images. She references “Three Studies for the Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion”. There was a Bacon exhibition in Centre Pompidou in 1996 and Sophie must have attended it. Her notebook contains her jottings from a lecture on Bacon by writer Philippe Sollers which seemed focused on blood.
"Why does painting touch the central nervous system?" "We are carcasses of meat, meat above all" "The canvas bleeds, blood spurts red" "Dostoyevsky had a crisis in front of the 16^th century Hans Holbein’s painting “The Body of the Dead Christ in the Tomb She jotted down a quote from the play Libation Bearers from Aeschylus:
Orestes sees the Furies coming and exclaims "O Lord Apollon look! Now they come in troops, and from their eyes they drip loathsome blood!"
The last entry reads "research the Furies"

Friday

Having failed to convince anyone to join her in Ireland for Christmas, she went alone. She telephoned Josephine on Tuesday 17^th, told her she would be arriving alone on Friday. She called her again on Thursday to ask her to make sure the house would be warm.
She went to the airport on Friday morning, bought a ticket with the return date on the 26^th, carrying with her a rather hefty bag filled with clothes, including some eveningwear. Perhaps she envisaged visiting people at Christmas time. She expected to stay nearly a week. Later, possibly on Sunday she changed her ticket, she called the Aer Lingus ticket desk in Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris and got a return flight for the 24^th. She received the itinerary details by fax, as she had a machine in the cottage.
She was not in a good mood when she arrived. She had some words with the woman at the Avis counter who passed her to her colleague. The photos on CCTV show a woman looking tired and drawn, something which was remarked upon by the Avis rep, who estimated she was in her forties, a little older than her 38 years. But nobody looks their best walking off an aircraft. She had also attended the Unifrance Christmas party the night before. This was a lavish party held in “Les Bains Douche”, a unique Paris nightclub combined with a swimming pool. Apart from the late night, the social effort must have been tiring. There was a rumour that Sophie had a row that night at Les Bains, a row with one of Daniel’s mistresses, but I have never heard that confirmed. But other reports say that those who met her there found her "radiant", "in good form", "playful". "She went arm in arm to see friends," one guest at the party told Paris Match, "but she always came back to the table where Daniel was sitting." (Paris Match 09/01/1997) Daniel was quoted years later by Michael Sheridan - “She spent some hours having an intense, passionate conversation with a film-maker” - Alain Terzian, producer of Les Visiteurs, one of the most successful French comedies of the 1990s.
Strangely though, Daniel’s first statement said she left on Wednesday. So perhaps it didn’t register with him that she was at the Unifrance party with him on Thursday 19^th, or perhaps he had forgotten the party altogether.
Sophie was captured on Cork Airport CCTV at 14:41 pushing a trolley through the arrivals gate. The scheduled arrival time was 13:20, but because of almost an hour’s delay in departure it didn’t touch down until after 2. It would have taken about 15 minutes to pick up baggage from the carousel.
Cork is a small airport and it is quick to get through the arrival hall to the car hire desks, only a matter of a few meters away.
Sophie hired a silver Ford Fiesta and would have been on the road by 14:50.
The quickest route to West Cork would have been via Bandon and Dunmanway but it is more likely she went via Clonakilty and Skibbereen. She stopped in Ballydehob to buy kindling. She may have stopped in Skibbereen to buy petrol. A pump attendant reported seeing a woman matching her description driving a silver Ford buying petrol. He also noted a tall male companion in the passenger seat. The Gardai discounted this sighting because they accounted for the petrol in the car when it was hired and the mileage thereafter. There were also some discrepancies in the vehicle’s appearance and its description in the statement. Also the Ballydehob sighting is more reliable as the woman got a chance to talk to her. It would seem odd to stop in both Skibbereen and Ballydehob, both petrol stations.
But she seems to have stopped again in Schull because she bought bread and cheese in the Courtyard Deli, and this was most likely on Friday. She talked with the proprietor, Denis Quinlan to ask if there would be live music. At this stage it would have been around 4:30pm and after this she went to the cottage. She called her caretaker Josephine at 5:15, so she must have been at home by then. We don’t know if she went out after that point. She may have stayed in. At 10:15 she called her friend Agnès Thomas and spoke to her for half an hour.

Saturday

Sophie’s whereabouts on Saturday morning are unknown. Perhaps she stayed in, perhaps she went out. Finbarr Hellen was working on his land nearby and saw her car outside the house 12 to 1pm. He didn’t see her and thought it was unusual for her not to come out and say hello. He also remarked her car was parked in an unusual place. He did not elaborate more than this.
The next event we know is that she bought some groceries in Brosnans supermarket on the main street in Schull and took £200 out of the ATM.
For the curious, her shopping list is listed below:

Item	Price
Firelighters	0.85
Independent Newspaper	0.85
EP Televised "Chopped" & Her	0.52
Parsley	0.40
Low Fat Yoghurt	1.90
Ballygowan Natural Spring Water	0.85
Napolina Penne	0.75
Rashers	1.26
Courgettes	1.23
Chicory	1.79
Onions	0.09
Fox's Classic Biscuits	0.83
Flat Mushrooms	0.65
Pepper Coated Salami	0.85
Cooked Turkey	1.89
Mushrooms	0.34
Avonmore Leek & Potato Soup	0.99
Monini Olive Oil	3.45
Ballygowan Natural Spring Water	0.85
Avonmore Carrot & Coriander Soup	0.99
Ballygowan Natural Spring Water	0.85
	22.18

This list does suggest she was buying just for herself, but also that she planned to cook moderately elaborate meals with parsley, courgettes and chicory. Together with the cheese, bread and fruit already in the house she had enough food on there to last a few days. This quantity of food suggests she had not decided to travel home on the 24^th at this stage.
The till recorded a time of 2:49pm.
Sometime after this or perhaps before Sophie entered Tara Fashions, the clothes shop run by Marie Farrell. What Marie Farrell saw that day and subsequent days has been subject to revision, retraction and details seemed to be added with each telling. But I think the most reliable report is the first and all the subsequent revisions cannot be trusted. Farrell called the Gardai on the 25^th but they didn’t get around to taking a statement from her until 27^th. Even so we can assume her memory was fresh. Here is her statement, verbatim.,
On Saturday the 21st December 1996 I was working in my shop at Main Street, Schull, Co. Cork. Between 2p.m. and 3p.m. I noticed a weird looking character across the road from my shop. He was approx 5’10” in height, late 30’s, scruffy looking, long black coat, flat black beret, thin build, sallow skin, short hair. He was there for about 10 minutes. On Sunday morning at 7.15a.m. approximately I noticed the same man on the road at Airhill. When I saw him he was walking towards Goleen on the right hand side of the road and I was travelling in the opposite direction. When he saw me he stopped and put up his hand to thumb a lift. I did not see this man before or since. On Saturday the 21.12.1996 at approx 3p.m. there was a woman in my shop. She did not buy anything. I now know that this woman was the deceased woman from Goleen. I recognised her from the photograph on the television.
There is also a record of her questionnaire which may have been taken earlier than this statement.
In reply to question no 8 When/where did you last see him/her alive? She replied "saw her in shop. She bought a "Carrig Donn" aran sweater aran nap coloured, rolled neck late Sat aftemoon. Paid £39.00. Questions No. 9, 10, 11 & 12 were left blank. In reply to question No. 13 "any other help?" Marie Farrell replied "saw a man on Sat afternoon hanging around street. Desc late 30's, 5'10" very short hair wearing black beret. Saw him again Sun morning @ 7.20am walking towards Airhill but thumbed her.
In a later questionnaire, Farrell said the sweater was too big and she didn’t buy it.
What is interesting her is that Farrell does not draw any explicit linkage between the weird character in the long black coat and the woman in the shop. They were just there at approximately the same time. Farrell did say in later statements that the man followed her up Ardnamanagh road, but this was many years later. Her statements that she saw the same man at Kealfadda bridge at 3am on Monday are untrustworthy, but we won't go into this here.
A farmer, Frank Lannin, saw Sophie driving towards Schull from Goleen around 3pm. She saluted him as she passed him in his tractor. The time or the direction of travel must be wrong here.
The final sighting on Saturday she was seen in the Courtyard pub, eating a crab sandwich and left at 3:30pm. Sally Bolger went to feed her horses on Alfie Lyons land at 4:15pm and says she saw Sophie’s car at her house.
Saturday evening is a complete blank. Nobody saw her, she may have called people on the phone but we don’t have precise details. Her husband said she called him twice on Saturday, but we don’t have any confirmation of this.
At some point Sophie changed her ticket home. Her diary has a number listed as “O’Mahony” and the number was the line to the Aer Lingus ticket desk in Charles-de-Gaulle Roissy airport. The new itinerary was faxed to her in her cottage. The reason why she decided to come home early is not known. Her friend Jean Senet said her husband Daniel persuaded her. For his part Daniel said there was no particular plan and he was to pick her up from the airport at Toulouse at 8pm. Another report tells that she came home early to meet her father, so she could help him with his taxes.

Sunday

For Sunday morning we don’t have any reports.
She called to Dunlough at in the early afternoon, perhaps around 1pm. Sophie had walked here several times before. It is a spectacular headland featuring a lake and three crumbling castles. It was cold and dry at the time, good weather for a walk, if bracing. It is necessary to pass the farm to walk the headland and when Sophie did so she met Tomi Ungerer. This was the second time they had met. Sophie had called here in April but it seemed Tomi and his wife were having a row at the time and Tomi had not paid much attention. Daniel said that Sophie feigned a puncture as an excused to call to the farm. In June Sophie had sent Tomi a fax about the death of a mutual colleague, Gilbert Estève. She may have been seeking information or just making contact. Sophie made a habit out of making contacts with important artists and thinkers. It was one of the things that a colleague said of her, she knew all the right people. It is possible that Tomi was one of the people Sophie wanted to meet for a while. Tomi invited her in for a drink after she had finished her walk. She returned an hour later and they had a conversation over two glasses of wine.
Tomi was a renowned visual artist, with a keen eye and a professional interest in culture. Born in Alsace he was marked by World War II and had seen the ravages of the Nazis and the backlash from the French afterwards. He worked for as a cultural ambassador to improve Franco German relations.
The statement that Tomi gave is remarkable in the insight it gives to Sophie’s character her interests and state of mind.
“She was saying how great Ireland was for literature and education compared to France, how France had thousands of books published every year but that there was no good Authors there, how Ireland was vibrant as a centre of literature for a small Country. She discussed her family, moreover her children and their education in France. She indicated that the reason she was here in Ireland was she wanted to be alone for Christmas. I considered this strange but I sometimes like to be alone too. We talked about books and culture and how the language here was more meaningful and truthful compared to the superficial nature of the French.”
“She seemed a very genuine person, a fine person, not pretentious or snobby. I thought she was deep and intelligent, so much so that I made notes of some things she said, “In a language there should be no need of the use of cuteness” “The problem of France is her lack of modesty”. I wrote those saying they might be useful for my work in the futre. I wrote the quotes on a card in which we exchanged addresses before she left. On hindsight now I would go as far as saying she was not beaming, that she had something on her mind. It’s hard when you do not know someone well to say. I offered her a third glass of wine but she did not take any. We gave her some eggs to take with her, half dozen for her supper. We have hens.”
The word “genuine” is telling. Tomi was struck by Irish people, how the highest compliment an Irish person can give about another, is to say that person is “genuine”.
Tomi described her appearance:
“She was wearing some type of black leather expensive looking pants, brown suede hiking boots, a white/cream ribbed polo necked sweater and a beige wool blazer and a navy blue wool jacket with belt and a navy wool cap and red suede gloves, wine/red gloves. She was dressed very well. She had her hair tied back.”
As to her demeanor, this seems to have grown with the telling. The documentaries made much of the legend of the lady of the lake, whose appearance is reputed to be a harbinger of death. This lurid tale does not feature in the early Garda statements. Tomi remarked that “she was not beaming”, that she may have had something on her mind. His wife Yvonne turned up while they were chatting.
“While we were chatting, Sophie told me that while she was up at the castles she felt this great anxiety almost fear. This is not an uncommon feeling for people who visit the castles. She wasn’t in a cheerful mood but she wasn’t really glum either. She talked about her plans for the future and we spoke about meeting up in Paris in the Spring. She seemed happy to be here and she wanted to be here. She said she liked it here but her husband didn’t. She said she would be back at Easter. We made vague arrangements to meet over the next three days. I gave Sophie some eggs and she left here at about 5.45 p.m.” Yvonne’s estimate of the time she left must be an error. It is more likely she left at around 3:45.
After leaving Dunlough Sophie went to Crookhaven to Sullivans pub, a legendary stop. Here she spoke with the proprietor Billy O’Sullivan and his son Dermot, both of whom speak good French and knew Sophie from prior visits. They also knew her friend Alexandra Lewy. One time Alexandra had arranged to buy a cast iron church gate for Sophie’s birthday, Sophie was fond of antiques and bric-a-brac. Dermot had carried this gate up to the cottage. Sophie asked about getting logs for her fire. Dermot recommended she go to a filling station. She said there was only kindling at the filling stations.
It is interesting that so much of Sophie’s alleged stops and conversations were about fire, kindling, logs etc. Despite this, the photos from her house show she had a lot of fuel. There is a stack of logs, several bales of peat briquettes, what looks to be a 40kg bag of coal and one, perhaps two baskets full of kindling. She had enough for days of fires, unless she lit both hearths, which would be unlikely considering the second hearth did not draft properly, and she was arranging to have it fixed. The kindling may have been bought from Camiers Garage when Kitty Kingston reported meeting her on Friday.
She told her friend Alexandra before she left that she was going to sleep in the guest room because it was the warmest room, being directly above the oil range. There was also a brass bedwarmer found next to her bed. All these details point to Sophie being acutely aware of the cold.
A witness heard her discussing the old Coastguard houses with the Sullivans. These are a prominent landmark visible from O’Sullivan’s pub across the water. The witness left before Sophie did at 4:30pm so she must have returned to the cottage no earlier than 5pm.
The witness noted she was wearing “black leather pants and brown suede desert boots and a long chunky jumper”. This matches well with Tomi Ungerer’s account.
Note the "desert boots" seen by this witness and the "suede hiking boots" mentioned by Tomi Ungerer are probably not the hiking boots she was wearing when she died. The hiking boots she was wearing were very worn, the laces had snapped and had been tied halfway down the lace holes. It looks to me she shoved them on without untying/tying the laces. Sophie would not have visited Schull wearing old worn-out shoes. A pair of dark brown suede "desert boots" are visible at the bottom of the stairs in the garda photos. These match better with the shoes seen by the witness.
It’s 25 minutes drive from Crookhaven back to the cottage so if Sophie left at 4:30 she would have been back home before 5pm.
We know she most likely went home, because at 5:32pm she called her friend Agnès Thomas to wish her a happy birthday. Agnès was out so Sophie left a message.
The postman called at 6pm and noted the lights were on. Presumably he was doing a Sunday shift to cope with the Christmas rush. He didn’t see Sophie’s car, but as he only went as far as the lower gate, it is quite possible he missed it.
At 7:30pm she called her housekeeper Josephine but she was out. She tried her again at 9:10pm but again she was out. Josephine returned and called her back at 10pm. Sophie told her she would be leaving on the 24^th, not the 26^th as she originally intended. They arranged to meet the following day at noon.
Sophie’s phone records were not available, as the exchange she was on was a traditional analogue exchange, with no recording facility. Schull was one of the last places in the country to have such an old system. Days later Garda technicians tried to retrieve call details from her cordless phone but its batteries were flat and nothing was found.
At around 10:30pm she called her husband Daniel, who said he couldn’t take her call. He said he was in a meeting with Unifrance associates. As it was nearly midnight in France, this an unusual time to have a work meeting. Daniel called her back “about twelve minutes later”. He said she was sleepy and probably in bed. Given that the cordless phone was found next to her bed, this seems plausible. He also said that she told him about her visit to the Ungerers and had formed a work project with him. He said she told him she returned home at 9:30pm, but he could be wrong about this. The phone calls to her friend and housekeeper strongly suggest she was at home from 5:30pm.
This was the last anyone heard from Sophie until her body was discovered at 10am the following morning.
From this point all we have is are the police photos and the story they tell is ambiguous, there are multiple possible interpretations.
The fire was lit that evening and there was an empty wine glass on the mantlepiece with dregs of wine in it. There was a loaf of bread, a white crusty “basket loaf” which had been sliced and left open. This is odd as there are no crumbs visible on the table and no plate. Would Sophie have gone to bed leaving the bread out? It’s possible. Another possibility is that the bread was sliced in the morning. But if so where is the plate that she used?
Conceivably Sophie may have left these items from another evening, but it is more likely she consumed the wine that evening, possibly with some cheese she had in her pantry, and the bread she had cut. There was a book open on the table, propped open by a jar of honey next to an empty teacup. However as the cordless phone was found by her bedside, it seems likely this was all left from the previous evening.
It seems the most likely Sophie spent her last night reading, went to bed and then took the call from Daniel.
The book propped open was not a Yeat’s anthology. There is a tale repeated by many true crime authors that Sophie was reading a Yeats poem called “A Dream Death”. It contains the lines
I DREAMED that one had died in a strange place Near no accustomed hand,
Ralph Riegel titled his book after this poem. But this is not the poem she was reading, if any. Yes there was a Yeats anthology found on her bed, but not the bed she slept in, it was on the bed in her personal room which she didn’t use that weekend. The anthology is “Quarente-cinq poèmes suivi de La Résurrection”, a collection of later Yeats poems translated by Yves Bonnefoy. It does not contain the poem “A Dream of Death” but it does contain a poem called “Death”, a meditation on how animals die versus men.
Nor dread nor hope attend A dying animal; A man awaits his end Dreading and hoping all;
But the Yeats anthology is not open on the bed, it is closed in the police photos. Unless the Gardai picked it up before photographing the room, then we cannot be sure what poem or poems she read. As regards the book propped open on the kitchen table, it’s prose and it is French. Journalist Lara Marlowe wrote that the book open on the table was a book about lighthouses.
Among the exhibits the Gardai took are three books

1. Le Coeur Battant – “The beating heart” – this is the title of a 1960 French movie.
2. Le Tenes Vert – Unknown – looks like a transcription error by the Gardai, could be “Les Terres Vertes”
3. Le Cine Monde – World Cinema

Other books in the house seem to correspond well with what we know of her character. On the landing there is another book from an Irish writer, Sean O’Casey, “Les Tambours de Dublin” in French.
On the shelf in her box bedroom we can see a book by Virginia Woolf, the title itself is illegible in the photo but Woolf’s distinctive profile photo is visible on the spine. I wonder if the book might be “A Room of one’s Own”. This essay advocated that a woman writer could never accomplish anything unless she had financial independence and her own space to work in. Even if it was some other book by Woolf, this essay would have been known to Sophie. It hints at what the white cottage meant to her. Her tiny box room tucked under the gable and raised single bed was a quasi-monastic cell - a creative space, a room of her own in West Cork.

sobrang sama siguro tingin sakin ng lahat, btw if hindi kayo aware ito post niya> https://www.reddit.com/AkoBaYungGago/comments/1cme6fp/abyg_if_hiniwalayan_ko_gf_ko_because_of_kpop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
im thankful sa iba na nakakaintindi sa side ko, too bad hindi ko to mapost sa mismong sub att nadedelete agad. Ill just put it off here. Para mawala na bigat sa dibdib ko.
Imagine my friend for decades ended up talking shit about me in reddit, tama sabi nung few matitino sa sub na to, gago ka talaga.
You think na hindi ko malalaman? Naging well known yung post mo eh, habang binabasa ko hindi ko alam na about sa akin, pero nung nakita ko replies at update. I knew it. I made a new account sa reddit to reply dito and clear things up
I am very into u, pero insted of "am", "was" na. Mayabang ka kaya feel mo the world revolves around u noh? Everyone treats u good kaya u never touched the ground. Pero buti aware ka sa narcissism mo
Cringe ako? Dahil nakikipag-away ako online? Wala namang masama makipag-away for ur idols lalo na kung mali ang paratang sa kanila. Its very depressing at mahirap na trabaho. This is my way of protecting them. Protecting them from this ugly world.
pilit mong sinasabi sakin na wag maginvolve kasi, coming from youre own mouth "shallow" kaya wag kong patulan, see how high do u think of ur self? Edi Ikaw na deep lmfao
I spend my time writing poem. Noong nadulas ako na may RPW account ako, nahihiya ako talaga. And hindi naman violent reaction mo eh, you told me pa nga na ipractice ko grammar ko and itry ko gumawa ng ibang topic at isend sa reader's digest (too bad nagclose na) Pero in the end? Korni pala sayo..
dami ko nakikita na baka daw immature pa ako and teenage phase, i dont think its a phase. Im not a teenager anymore and Im even older than him, Kpop saved my life, more than anyone thinks. im in college and im doing great. Masakit masabihan ng tanga dahil lanh sa likes mo.
Unlike what you said na you communicated, Puro ka lang sabi na its better to buy what i need, or minsan nagjjoke ka lang na nawiwirduhan ka. Hindi ka mukhang seryoso everytime u said kasi u always said it in a teasinh way. Never mo pinakita sakin na ayaw mo ng ginagawa ko, dapat pinadelete mo sakin fan account ko diba? Wala ka ginawa eh
Yung pagsasalita ko na may korean, im just trying to be cute and silly. youre friends are assholes to the core if yun pala initial reaction nila, laki sila sa west kaya lumaki sa racist values na ang korean culture ay nakakatawa. They dont even know the difference ng annyeong at arigatou
they wont bring u any good. And u know it urself. Masyadong americanized, may divorce nga dun kasi yung mga tao hindi marunong makicooperate. Konting difference lang, hiwalay agad. Never magtatagal relationship mo if ganun ang mindset mo at ginagaya mo. Kaya nga di rin nagtagal parents mo at ang daming problema sa household niyo kasi di kayang magtiis sa maliit na difference.
Sa totoo lang, ever since were kids i looked up to you, tinuruan mo ako magskateboard, magbike, magvideogames, maglangoy. Ang patient mo palagi sakin
May mga lalaki na gusto kasama ka pero ako sinasamahan mo, ako kinakampihan mo nung bata tayo kasi yung iba ayaw akong kakampi dahil mahina ako sa physical games. Palagi kang talo pag ako kasama mo pero never kita nakitang nainis sakin
Pag nag-aaway kaming magkakapatid, ikaw una kong sinusumbungan kesa sa parents ko, never ka nainis sakin. Kpop lang pala magiging dahilan in the end
Feel ko dahil sayo para akong nasa kdrama, na childhood friends na magkakadevelopan ang plot natin. pero delusyon ko yun. Naiiyak ako HAHAHAHAHHAH
I can literally only list good things about u, and yet nakalist ka ng bagay na ginagawa ko na naiirita ka. That hurts man
Nakakahiya na pineflex pa kita sa friends ko before, not just in real life but online kahit nung hindi pa tayo. Inaayos ko pa pictures mo para ipakita sa kanila, sayang effort ko. Proud ako sayo tas ang tingin mo pala sakin all this time tanga. Cringe, weirdo. Ang daming eme mo pa na busy ka kaya mahihirapan ka sa course mo, and iba yung lifestyle natin at interests.
ikaw ang first boyfriend ko and you broke up with me after just 2 months. Anong iisipin ng iba diba? desperada ako kasi ako una naginitiate ng relationship and in the end lalaki pa ang nakipag-hiwalay sakin? Anong problema sakin? Hindi mo man naisip yun.
Ano yun napilitan ka lang? Sana sinabi mo na lang ako yung nakipabreak para di na gumulo, delikadesa ba
Oo, i also feel bad kasi alam kong madami asar sa'yo for the wrong reason and yun talaga kinakabwisit mo. Pero tbh (ik masama ako dito but) dasurv. You hurted me so much especially now
ikaw din naman gumawa ng problema mo. In the end kasi alam mong petty yung reason kaya hindi mo maexplain. mababaw talaga yun kahit anong sugarcoat mo.
Jusko, grow up. Kpop? We are not kids angmore, gusto mo lang validation online about hate mo sa kpop community. Ate mo rin naman kpoppies, siya nalang kontrolin mo.
Sabi ko pa naman hawig mo si mingyu, wala ka pa sa kuko niya. Girl bye di ka kawalan

u/TyeDyeAmish thank you so much for the card, I'm happy to hear from you.🖤
u/notthemonth thank you so much for the beautiful space card, it's so pretty 😍
u/TheFeistyFox thank you so much for the card and your words. I love the last stanza of Funeral Blues, I appreciate you sharing it.
2x u/PinkPenguin thank you so much for the penguin bingo card! Sounds like lots of fun! Also, thank you for the card you sent in memory of Shirley. It's beautiful and your words mean a lot. I love you!! 🖤✨
u/major_ad5436 thank you so much for the bird card, it's hilarious!
u/Cassiopeia88 thank you so much for the seal card, it's great!
u/grasshopper2231 thank you so much for the card. I'm happy to hear about your travelling plans and I can't wait to hear how it went!
u/sadbrokehitchhiker thank you so much for the long necked Karen card!
u/YESmynameisYES thank you so much for the pretty card and your kind words. I've lost quite a few people just as pets and animals, and it feels definitely very different to lose a person vs a pet/animal but also feels similar? I don't know how to describe it any better. I definitely needed a reminder to be kind to myself as I tend to treat myself badly in times like now. Thank you so much for adding those cute dragon stickers, they are wonderful!
u/t3ctim thank you so much for the sharkplane and moose card and the poem. It's perfect!!
u/thecaledonianrose thank you so much for the card, stickers and your words. It means a lot and it helps so much to not feel alone. I appreciate you so much.🖤✨
u/unseenbowl thank you so much for the spring card! My spring season is mostly about my veggie and flower patches. Everything starts to grow - some plants like my potatoes and radishes are already so huuge while others like my peppers, cucumbers and carrots are really small still. I love to watch them grow and I can't wait to harvest✨ this year is my first year with corn and I can't wait to see how they grow and what they taste like compared to store-bought. We do have a weekly farmers market nearby and I love it a lot. Also, we've been to a medieval festival day thingy and I hope there will be more markets and festivals around to visit.
2x u/SweetyDarlingLulu thank you so much for the card and your kind words. Shirley was the bestest dog around, I swear. She's the cutest and I still can't believe she's gone. It's been two weeks now and it didn't get any easier yet,... My tattoo artist had time for me last week and I have her paw under my skin now. It's the paw I held when she crossed the rainbow bridge right above the hand I held her paw with. It helps to have her with me now and be able to hold her paw every time life feels impossible. I love and appreciate you lots including all your cute furry friends.🖤✨ Also, thank you so much for the dragon card. It warms my heart to receive dragon mail from you every time. Your mail is like the light at the end of the tunnel - I know it's there and will arrive and I have no words for how much positive impact you have on me and my life.🖤🖤🖤
u/melhen16 thank you so much for the colourful card you sent! I love the quotes you add on your cards and you are a wonderful part of this community. Thank you for being here🖤🖤🖤
2x u/Caraal thank you a lot for both cards - the dog card reminds me of Shirley when she was younger, it's so adorable. I appreciate your words a lot, all the mail I receive helps so much as I don't feel alone and you all make me feel seen, validated in my feelings and loved. Thanks for that!! Also, thank you so much for adding extras, that's so kind of you.🖤🖤🖤
u/draftyelectrolyte thank you so much for the wonderful card and your kind words. We truly did our best to give her a wonderful life with us. She's been given back from her first owners when she was little, then she came to us and I think we did a good job spoiling her rotten. It makes me happy to hear about your fur friends and to hear that Shirley is not the only Jack Russel trying to be a Dalmatian, haha. I've been dreaming of her a lot lately and it's super realistic. It feels great to have her around in my dreams but it hurts on a different level when I wake up and realise that she's gone. I do believe that they stay around and while not exactly being religious, I love to imagine that everyone that passes is like a guardian angel, taking care of me from afar. There's been moments I am 100% sure that some of them were around and I cherish those moments even if it might be utter bullshit. Buuuuut even if it is utter bullshit, it helped me in those moments and I really love the thought of loved ones being there to support me in hard times.🖤✨

my girl tore her ACL and had surgery to repair it.
i didn’t realize the amount of stress this is going to cause for me. i’ve never heard her cry so much before… she won’t stop :( this is heartbreaking to see her in so much pain.
we go back to the vet on tuesday to get the staples removed. then laser therapy twice a week for 3 weeks. good thing im unemployed so i can watch her. otherwise i’d have to keep her in a kennel & i don’t like that. she needs to be supervised all of the time. if she’s not, she must have a cone on & confined to a kennel. she’s the biggest baby ever!! there’s no way she would go in a kennel. look at her
tldr; i’m under so much stress. selling my house & moving, graduating college, taking care of my dog, trying to find a job… i could use some good words and cuteness in my mail.
poems, cards, book recommendations, movies, tv shows, post cards, photos, maybe a congratulations on graduating college (i only got one card and i graduated with a bachelor of science in elementary education minor in special education)… it doesnt matter. i’m feeling alone in all of this and it would be nice to know im not.
my interests: books/reading, words, teaching, animals (anything but birds & snakes), nature, trees/plants, stationary, vintage anything, squishmallows, witchy stuff, astrology, tv show friends & the office, marvel & DC, colors lavender, light blues, light greens, and browns, sandwiches, pizza, cheese curds (i’m from wisconsin lol i love anything country or small town vibe)
comment and i’ll send you a pm with my address :-) i’d appreciate anything to know im not alone rn
p.s. didn’t mean to make this so long lol BUT i plan to send a thank you card to anyone who mails me anything (if that’s okay with you) 💖
[edited for spelling errors]

I'm so frustrated. I've only ever been in two relationships, now in my second. He was entirely obsessed with me for the first almost 6 months, and now he seems overwhelmed while also being bored somehow, I don't know what I did. I'm so confused.
My ex was obsessed with me too, until he made me live as his substitute mommy and resented me when I got burnt out and broke under the pressure. I worked multiple jobs, I was in university too, and I did most of the domestic work and pet care. He ruined me for years.
MEANWHILE, I have ALWAYS had at least one stalker-ish admirer at any given time. It is so so so so so so upsetting!!!!!!!! The person I am in a committed relationship with doesn't have much time for me all of a sudden, they seem bored, and I feel like a burden.
But at the same time there is the older girl writing me love poems, the boy paying people in my class to take candid photos of me, the bartender I work with who lives down the hall and mixes me special drinks and lavishes me in compliments and drives me home when my ex couldn't be bothered.
Now the Doctor I work with who sighs and says "Oh BetterRemember!" whenever I do something he thinks is cute, who brings me earbuds when mine broke, and again drives me home when my boyfriend can't be bothered.
I keep trying to implement neurotypical dating advice like "Pull away and detach!" and "punish him by leaning into your assertive masculine side so he learns to respect you!" But I can never implement it properly. I don't want to play games, I just want to be happy and sweet and loving and find adventure TOGETHER, I don't want to BE the thrill and the mystery. Why can't my way just work??!!!
Why do neurotypicals need all the masochistic crap??? Why do they love you most when you are annoyed or even a bit disgusted by them???????? I can heap love and affection on my neurodivergent friends all I want, I can absolutely drown them in sugary sweetness and adoration, they just give it right back!!! HOW ARE WE THE WEIRD ONES IN THIS SITUATION???!!!

My class looked at "A Story" by Li-Young Lee in the weeks leading up to the AP Lit exam and wrote an essay on it. Seeing Li-Young Lee on the AP exam made me fangirl in the same way that one would if they saw their favorite boy band member in a concert. During the break I was overjoyed and telling everyone how much I love Li-Young Lee :3
PS that poem was one of my favorites, ever, atp. It was easy to understand and so cute!!! Hoping for a 4 ong

As per usual, I am quite behind in my thank-you, but better late than never!
u/tiredpantyhose — I love the dogs high-fiving! Thank you so much for the card.
u/JiaMekare — WOW, I would have never selected that song for myself, but I really loved it! Thank you so much for sharing. :)
u/Keqani — I loved your card! The decorations are so cute! My partner knew the character on the front so it is now hanging up in their office.
u/tyedyeamish — As always, your card is so beautiful. I also love to see random people nd wonder what their life is like. I do the same when I am driving, but it’s a little easier to judge ;-)
u/credenda — Thank you so much for the super cool card! I hope that you enjoyed your trip with the family. Also, that goldfish wash tape is everything.
u/jdoodle7 — I’ve never read “The Law of Innocence” but it sounds so good! I don’t read for fun anymore, my PhD program takes up 99% of my reading capacity, but top on my list for when I (eventually) finish this are “Afterlives” by Abdulrazak Gurnah and “Above Ground” by Clint Smith.
u/purpleroots — I loved your doodles! Especially the ones that look like a cactus. I’m going to have to borrow that :)
u/t3ctim — HA I love your postcard for the play on my username! How fun!
u/Electronic_Pie5061 — This card is HYSTERICAL. I love it so much. Nothing like a little outhouse humor!
u/Old-Pea4982 — I loved the poem that you sent back to me. That was such a good reminder.

It’s been one thousand one hundred and fourty-four days. The wounds have never healed. The scars will never fade. Do you still take a long time to get ready? Do you still wear that red dress, those cute socks to help you sleep better? I wish you still do. I still remember how much you light up, how gleaming your smiles were during the wee hours, at quarter after three, when you’ve finally accomplished all those polaroids you had to hang up on your wall facing east. Although it may be a fleeting moment, you were as beautiful as the night. Tranquil and serene, you gave Morpheus all your might. 

But this work, the poem that’s coming, is not for you nor the feeling of longing — this will be for those flies who ended on a dead spider’s web, moths with no flames to melt them with embers, and the perfect parcel delivered on the wrong doorsteps. This is for them.
The Night Does Not Belong To God; For it belongs to every picture you left facing down Images of feelings we wished we could drown Sparks of emotions uncreased and never hung
Semicolon pendants on necks weighing tons Robes of adoration seldom adorned Lilies, peonies, carnations you loved in pink Whiskey, neat, chugged down and spit in your sink Dusk has its horns to souls who are yearning Twilight whistles whims of glee to those dreaming But this isn’t a call of hope This is a cry for hearts lead on but abandoned
Messages in bottles, long lost for nautical miles Rolling, pitching, yawing, grounding in unwelcome shores Warmth of sand, pebbles, and shells on your feet How comforting, lips muttered Slapped by the surprise of pulling riptides
Blaming oxytocins, seeking endorphins Where are you going tonight Ringing their phone and wish it’s alright
Close your eyes, lonely child Let out a sigh and pray Memento Dolor

It’s been one thousand one hundred and fourty-four days. The wounds have never healed. The scars will never fade. Do you still take a long time to get ready? Do you still wear that red dress, those cute socks to help you sleep better? I wish you still do. I still remember how much you light up, how gleaming your smiles were during the wee hours, at quarter after three, when you’ve finally accomplished all those polaroids you had to hang up on your wall facing east. Although it may be a fleeting moment, you were as beautiful as the night. Tranquil and serene, you gave Morpheus all your might. 

But this work, the poem that’s coming, is not for you nor the feeling of longing — this will be for those flies who ended on a dead spider’s web, moths with no flames to melt them with embers, and the perfect parcels delivered on the wrong doorsteps. This is for them. The Night Does Not Belong To God; For it belongs to every picture you left facing down Images of feelings we wished we could drown Sparks of emotions uncreased and never hung Semicolon pendants on necks weighing tons
Robes of adoration seldom adorned
Lilies, peonies, carnations you loved in pink Whiskey, neat, chugged down and spit in your sink
Dusk has its horns to souls who are yearning Twilight whistles whims of glee to those dreaming But this isn’t a call of hope This is a cry for hearts lead on but abandoned Messages in bottles, long lost for nautical miles Rolling, pitching, yawing, grounding in unwelcome shores Warmth of sand, pebbles, and shells on your feet How comforting, lips muttered Slapped by the surprise from pulling riptides Blaming oxytocins, seeking endorphins Where are you going tonight Ringing their phone and wish it’s alright
Close your eyes, lonely child
Let out your sighs and pray Memento Dolor

alam ko dapat kapag mahal mo, iaccept mo. alam ko rin na petty pakinggan kaso sobrang natuturn-off kasi ako
we're childhood friends, and we're really close that's why hindi nakakapagtaka na nagclick kami romantically. pero just after 2 months of dating, i gave up
super fan siya ng kpop, hinayaan ko naman. It's just really cringey.

1. kumakanta ng fanchant randomly
2. nagmamakaawa sa parents pambili ng photocards.. i mean, for a picture??
3. may fan account and nakikipag-away dun
4. gumagawa ng poem tuwing bday nung idol niya
5. "omg same na kami ng hinihingahan na hangin" pag may pumunta sa Pilipinas 6 namimilit sa magstream for yt video and sa votings din. told her na hindi worth it ang awards if votings lang basehan

pineperahan lang siya and hindi niya magets gets
inaassume niya na NAGSESELOS ako everytime na sinasabihan ko siya, akala niya cute...kaso hindi, nagccringe ako. gumagamit din siya korean words na hinahalo sa language..my friends laughed at her and called her weird behind her back, called them out na hindi ko gusto yun kasi syempre gf ko pa rin that time. pero deep inside, i agree even if I hate to say that
sobrang taas siguro ng tingin ko sa sarili ko pero hindi ko trip yung ganong lifestyle niya. kung gusto niya makinig sa music nun, bilhan ko pa siya ticket. pero sobrang invested niya sa personal life nung mga yun
gago ba ako kasi nakipagbreak ako dahil dun? inaaway ako ng mga friends niya..kung may fanclub sila for kpop idols, magkakaroon na ako ng hateclub.
UPDATE: Her family thinks we've done the deed kaya mabilis kaming nagbreak kasi yun lang habol ko. My Ex-GF never cleared up that confusion kaya madami gulo, my family just told me na hayaan yun
I never meant to demean her, im just really frustrated if tama ba na nakipagbreak ako kasi nung nagbreak na kami, feel ko na wala akong kakampi at walang nakikinig sakin If you think this is against Kpop or Im being incel kasi siniraan ko siya. NOT
she texted me last night and asked if we can talk. yun lang muna salamat

A while back on tiktok, I came across a video of a girl sitting in her car reciting an original slam poem. The poem was mimicking a social media feed, with the girl switching back and forth between serious topics like war and lighthearted topics like cute baby videos. I can't for the life of me find it and its driving me nuts. Pretty sure it was posted within the last 3 months. She says something like "watch this baby, stop breathing" at one point in it. (This isn't for homework I am 26)

Every week this thread will feature the Free Black Men Comment of the Week Award.

• The award will go to the Free Black Man with the most thought-provoking insightful facts in any comment or post for that week.
  
• The point of the awards is to highlight the brilliance of Free Black Men to spark more discussion and education amongst one another.
  

If you want to nominate a comment, link to it below.

This first award goes to me. Cause y'all need this knowledge.

My only issue with your assessment is that OP question focuses on America and not the world.

Yeah I read it. But it shouldn't focus on just America because America don't exist in a vacuum, and anti-African racism is not an American invention. Our enemies have tried the tactic OP describes many times around the world. And all it has done is increased racism, not lessened it.

Moreover, do you think that lumping those groups together under the umbrella of "too many African men are focused on gratification and attention", detracts from blacks in America (ADOS and Africans) who are fighting for black issues?

I've read your comments enough to know that you're not a dumb man. So when you started this line of questioning, I had a feeling you were just trying to push me to adopt your definition of African American in a slick way instead of just coming out and saying it.
So let me spell it out point blank for you so you have no doubts about my position:
People who say any version of the following are dumb and wrong: "We aren't African American, we're Black," "we're Black Americans not African Americans," "African American was invented by Jessie Jackson and he doesn't represent me," "Elon Musk and Theresa Hines Kerry was born in Africa so they are considered African American too," "Barack Obama's father is really from Africa so Barack Obama is the true African American," "Nigerian, Ghanaian, and Ethiopian immigrants are the real African Americans."
All that is braindead ahistorical nonsense with no basis in etymology or historical usage.
We call ourselves African American because historically we were unable to trace our lineage to any specific African country due to torture by our families' captors in attempts to force our families to renounce their African identities. When the earliest Africans in America [1] [2] began publishing in English, they called themselves African [1] [2]. Our people's earliest corporations and organizations are called African: the African Methodist Episcopal Church, the Free African Society and etc. By the late 1800s Reconstruction-era thought leaders began adopting "Afro-American" in reaction to Dixiecrats and the Klan trying to attack our people's rights of citizenship in the confederacy's push to reinstitute enslavement. That's when you see corporations like the Afro American Press Association founded and adopt the name.
Only in the 20th century did our people begin to formally refer to ourselves by color, with the exception of places like Louisiana where the French attempted to create a buffer class of mixed people who they called "Men of Color" since the 1700s.
Immigrants from Nigeria, Ethiopia, Jamaica, Haiti, Barbados, Guyana and etc do not refer to themselves as African American -- they call themselves Nigerian American, Ethiopian American, Jamaican American and etc just as we African Americans would if we knew which countries our families were abducted from. Barack Obama called himself African American to ingratiate himself to the African American electorate, but he is technically Kenyan American. Kamala Harris is Jamaican American and Indian American.
Again, having read your comments in the past, I know you're well-read enough to already know this or to have looked it up yourself. But your real objective here was just to setup this statement right here:

Moreover, do you think that lumping those groups together under the umbrella of "too many African men are focused on gratification and attention", detracts from blacks in America (ADOS and Africans) who are fighting for black issues?

Look man -- As far back as 2008 at least, I was pointing out the folly of our leadership using language too loosely and allowing our identity language to be adopted as a catch-all by any and everyone. I can link you to writing of mine from nearly 20 years ago online making the precise same point you just made, long before Yvette Carnell and Antonio Moore decided they needed to "rebrand" the race.
Our race is African, our ethnicity is African American, and our nationality is American. There is nothing difficult about saying we are fighting for exclusive African American interests at home to address the particular harms caused by the enemy here while simultaneously standing with our global African cousins to combat the enemy's harms against all of us worldwide.
As an aside, people who think language and making new names acts as some kind of moat to keep infiltrators out are ignoring both history and current events: in England "black" means Africans, Arabs, and South Asians. In South Africa "black" means Africans, Indians, and Chinese. And here in America, "black" means Wesley Snipes, Lupito Nyango AND Rasheda Jones. And as we're all aware, Rachel Dolezal and Sean King go out of their way to claim "black" too when their asses are mixed with nothing but mayonnaise and baking soda.
So playing these cute little word games don't stop nothing or build nothing. Only exercising power aggressively and jealously and exclusively for our people builds sustainably.
And that is why I "lumped these groups together under the umbrela of African men:" because nature and the Ancestors "lumped us together" by blood. We are the same race of men. I can show you DNA proof linking me to blood relatives in multiple African countries who my family lost contact with 300 years ago when my Xth Great-Grandparents were enslaved. So Africans all around the world are literally our cousins. And the answer to u/RaikageQ's question is: we as a race of men have been losing against the Eurasian race for 400 years everywhere throughout the world -- not just here in America. And African men who have tried to cut corners by "fixing" racism in their little part of the map have found themselves mired in just more racism -- as I alluded when namechecking Brazil (heavily mixed and more racist than ever), the Dominican Republic (heavily mixed and more racist than ever), California (heavily mixed and yet leading in carceral enslavement of African American men), South Africa (created a mixed buffer class of millions and yet Africans are still a bottom caste in the country with pushing 90% of the population, and Australia (tried to breed Aboriginal Australians out of existence, and the Aboriginals, who are not African but look identical to us in many cases, experience more racism than ever). I could even add Nigerians and Ghanians to the mix, because while they often claim obliviousness to racism in their homelands, the Chinese and Arabs are recorded daily attacking them in their own home and their young men who travel abroad for work reach only as far as Libya, Morroco, and Algeria before Tuaregs and Maghrebs who tried u/RaikageQ's "breed out of existince" trick as far back as 4000 years ago actually ENSLAVE those Nigerian and Ghanaian young men the minute they cross the desert -- today in 2024.
Again -- I've read you enough to know you're informed enough to know all this or smart enough to look it up if you don't. I respected you enough not spell it out for you the first time. In the future please respect me enough to just come out and make your point instead of asking me leading questions that force me to write all of this as proof that my words mean what they say.