Pretty depressed about this. 39 years old, have worked as a photographer, videographer, editor and marketing manager. My main gig the last 8 years was as a retoucher for a high end architectural photographer, making 60-70k a year, plus whatever else I could get freelancing. Unexpectedly lost that main job when wife was 4 months pregnant. (Old boss was a cold hearted asshole, underpaid and exploited me for years, threatened my job if I freelanced for others, expected me to use my own expensive computer, sabotaged my attempts to transition to video work for his arch firm clients, etc etc. I ignored years of red flags and didn't want to return after a covid furlough, but didn't have other options.) Now at home taking care of baby while wife works daytime, and I work evenings on freelance work I pick up. I can make $75-$100 an hour and have a small but stable client list, but see the writing on the wall as AI takes over image post production. I need to find something stable long term, but can't yet take a full time day job. Do I go back to school? I never finished a degree but have a ton of units from when I jumped majors a few times. 230 units in English, Psychology and Photo. Was just one lab course from finishing the psych major but got cold feet embarking on that career and was making money with photography already so went with that. I was also pretty close to finishing the English degree before switching to Psych. Anything I can do to leverage that, combined with my deep and broad experience in still and motion image making? Even have some VR experience now with Unreal Engine, making some popular mod maps for a multiplayer game the last few years. I thrive with some creative freedom and learning new technical skills. Would love to be able to combine my skills and experience across stills, motion and VR content. But open to anything really. Any ideas?

Backstory- my husband and I are in our mid 40s. Married 22 years with 4 kids. My husband and I had very different upbringings…. He was raised a very strict Christian and attended Christian grade school, high school and college. I rarely went to church until we were married.
The issues began two summers ago (summer of 2022). My husband was forced to work a job that basically left him sitting alone in a small building without much to do. He was working upwards of 60-70 hours a week at this job. He had a lot of time on his hands and I had a lot to do around the house to keep the our lives running smoothly. Without my knowledge, without including me, and without caring about me our his family, my husbands life took a different path than what we had been accustomed to for over 20 years. He took a deep dive into his faith and began spending all his time at work reading and studying the Bible and praying. He would rarely call or text me and basically cut off all communication from me that summer. I often asked him why. Why didn’t he call? He wasn’t doing anything at work and I was confused as to why he had so little time to talk to me and this left me feeling betrayed and like I was being ignored and I talked to him about it many times that summer.
Not until early November after that summer did he confess to me what he had actually been spending all his time doing. He didn’t confess to me in a loving manner. It wasn’t a thoughtful conversation. It was him in my face, yelling and crying and telling me that I was not Christian enough, and I needed to submit myself to God. He made comments during this conversation about my dad not going to heaven because of his lack of faith. He even made comments that as a disciple of God he found it necessary to try to help my dad. He screamed at me through a closet door that I had locked myself in to escape his persistent need to yell at me. He was crying into the closet door telling me that I needed turn to God so I can be saved and that he needed to help me do it. This all happened while my dad was in the hospital struggling to survive and enduring pain and one set back after another. I was distraught. I felt betrayed, and rightfully so. This was so far out of the norm and though we went to church every Sunday, our faith did not extend much past that.
The next few weeks were rough, but normalcy in our life continued. Husband continued his faith walk and he made many improvements in his life to be a better Christian, husband and father and though I wasn’t on the same journey, I did nothing to stop his walk with God. It wasn’t until the following spring that a similar conversation took place with more yelling and crying. My husband could not accept that I wasn’t and am still not in the same place as him. Life again went on. Flash forward to the following summer in August and my dad died.
I dealt with and continue to deal with lots of depression, anger, anxiety and confusion in my life and I miss my dad. I live with daily flashbacks and grief surrounding his death and I am working through this with help, but the reality is when you have to walk into a hospital room with your mom and siblings and hold your dads hand and tell him “this is it, you are going to die, there is nothing that can be done to save you”, you will never be the same. When you have to hold your dads hand as he cries because he has to leave you, you will never forget that. When you sit with your mom and family and watch your dad take his last breath, a part of you dies with him. I have had to consciously put my pain and sadness to the side to continue life and to be strong for my mom and my family, but that does not mean that many times of every day flashbacks about that final week of my dads life do not over take my thoughts. That the pain, anger and sadness do not come back to the surface. It’s just really hard.
This past week brought new betrayal, distrust and lies. My husband, without my knowledge or without discussing it with me, committed to becoming an elder at our church. The only way I found out was that another elder accidentally called my number and left a voice mail, or I probably still wouldn’t know.
When I talked to my husband about this. He basically just told me that he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to hear what I had to say and didn’t want me to try to stop him… I wouldn’t have. I did tell him that he is not ready to be an elder…. I believe his home life and marriage need to be in order to be able to assist in leading the church. He did agree and talked to the church about it and it was decided he would become a deacon instead.
I love my husband and despite the opinions you may have formed about him because of what I have said above, he really is great and our marriage is great…. He is a great provider, a great father, he teaches high school Sunday school at our church, we have a great sex life and he has really improved in his communication skills, but obviously a lot work in that department yet.
I really wish I had a stronger desire to build a better relationship with God- for myself and my marriage. I believe in God. I know what I should be doing (reading and studying the Bible and praying), but just can’t put myself in the mind frame to take a deep dive into my faith. My prayer life is basically nonexistent. I feel like I am in limbo and waiting for some type of sign or feeling, but is just not happening. My husband of course would love to help lead me and help me study the Bible, but his past attempts at communicating this with me just leave me worried. Not really sure what to do. Thanks for listening.

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Now I’m not making the claim the game is dead, but it’s in a very different state than it was 5 years ago. I still play and the game still is imo the most fun moba ever created.
Now hots was never my main moba, it was always the game my friends and I would go to when league was pissing us off too much, but I have been play league for over a decade so I think I’m a little qualified to talk about mobas.
I think what ultimately made hots not take off was just the time in came out. When hots came out we were still knee deep in the competitive moba discovery period. People were still figuring out macro and micro play and being a “good player” was a way broader statement.
Today in 2024 that is so not that case lol. The guide meta these games have caused the player bases be a lot better in general, and that’s good. I have however noticed that a lot of people are afraid to try mobas due to their hyper competitive tive nature, and that’s where I think hots would so fantastic.
I think the game releases with just some modern graphics and maybe some changes to ranked. I personally think having a smaller map pool per ranked season would allow balance to be a little more broad.
Hots is objectively a fantastic option for someone who has not played a moba before. You have no item builds, team xp, and objective based maps.
Those might seem unimportant but it’s the opposite. No builds means you don’t have to learn what a bunch of items do. Team xp means your team can makeup for your lack of knowledge, and objective based maps makes the macro play insanely simple and easy to understand.
They would have to do some advertising they couldn’t just decided to start supporting the game again. I just think the game would do fantastic today, but blizzard would never.

Greetings, BBQ enthusiasts!
Our latest article on BBQHost.com dives deep into the art of wrapping brisket, also known as the "Texas Crutch": https://bbqhost.com/when-to-wrap-brisket/
Main takeaways:

1. The ideal time to wrap your brisket is when its internal temperature reaches 150-160°F
2. At this point, the brisket enters "the stall," where the cooking process slows down significantly
3. Wrapping the brisket (using the Texas Crutch method) helps to push through the stall and speed up the cooking process

The article provides a comprehensive guide on the Texas Crutch technique, including the benefits of wrapping, the best materials to use, and step-by-step instructions for perfecting your wrap game.
We'd love to hear from our community:

• At what temperature do you typically wrap your brisket?
• Have you tried the Texas Crutch method? If so, how did it affect your cooking time and the final result?
• Any personal tips or tricks for nailing the perfect brisket wrap?

Share your experiences, questions, and advice in the comments below! Let's help each other master the Texas Crutch and take our brisket to the next level!
For more expert tips and mouthwatering recipes, be sure to check out BBQHost.com. Let's get smoking!

I find myself deeply longing for a sincere and profound connection. Hopefully, you are looking for the same?
I think most of us are afraid in some sense to love and to be completely vulnerable yet despite the risk we long for it.
The capacity to love, sometimes even in the face of pain, is one of the most beautiful aspects of being human. It's a strength, and not always a weakness.
At my core, I'm a person of love, of care, of deep unyielding affection for those I hold dear.
Through the journey of healing and self-discovery, I've realized that I have much love to share. Love that is not bitter, but kind; not resentful, but forgiving; not closed, but open and willing to grow alongside someone special.
I'm sincere in my attempt to forge a connection and hope you are too, I'd try to share things about me that might give you idea of the person I am.
Essence of Me:
I am a mix of old-school romance and modern sensibility, holding onto the ideals of loyalty and sincerity. I think handwritten notes, surprise dates, and the belief that small gestures make a big difference. I am someone who thrives on deep connections and meaningful interactions.
I’m someone who believes in the power of midnight conversations, in the healing balm of shared laughter, and in the silent solidarity of presence.
I believe in the power of empathy and the importance of being there for those who matter, even if it's a call at 3 AM. I value integrity, kindness, and a good/weird sense of humor. I find beauty in the mundane, the kind of person who finds joy in the little things and believes in taking the time to truly understand and appreciate others.
Physical Attributes:

• Height: 5'11" (181cm)
• Build: Slim
• Hair: Deep black, kept in check
• Eyes: Light, sometimes dark brown :3
• Beard: Short, fashionable, and pristinely groomed
• Complexion: FaiTanned

Interests:
I find solace in music that echoes my moods, books that transport me to other worlds, and quiet moments in nature that ground me. I cherish activities that nurture growth, whether they're intellectual debates, serene walks, or shared laughs over coffee. I'm drawn to the arts as much as to the simple pleasure of a sunset.. I also have a keen interest in cooking and experimenting with new recipes, finding the act of creating something delicious for others as a form of expression and care.
To sum up some typical interests include: Philosophy, nature, languages, books, reading, writing, video games, sports, art, poetry, travelling etc
What I Am Looking For:
I'm in search of someone who values open and honest communication as much as I do. Someone who understands that relationships are about growth, learning, and supporting each other through life's myriad challenges and joys. I am looking for someone who is eager to prioritize getting to know each other, willing to open their heart, and ready to build something meaningful together.
Expectations:

• Mutual respect and understanding
• Openness and honesty in communication
• A shared desire to prioritize our relationship and growth
• An interest in exploring life's depths and joys together

The Quest for You:
What am I seeking? Not a perfect person, but a real one. Someone whose heart speaks the language of kindness, whose spirit dances to the tune of sincerity. I dream of a connection where words are just the beginning, where vulnerability is not a weakness but our strongest bond. I yearn for a love that’s both a safe harbor and a grand adventure, a partnership built on mutual respect, understanding, and the shared bravery of baring one’s soul.
I seek a fellow traveler in this journey of life, one who understands that while our pasts may shape us, they do not define us. Someone who stands at the intersection of hope and reality, ready to embark on a path not devoid of challenges but rich with the promise of true companionship.
Epilogue of Hope:
If my words have stirred something in your heart, if you too are navigating the vast oceans of life in search of a genuine connection, then perhaps we are two stars meant to align in the constellation of fate. I extend my hand, my heart, and my story to you – not in desperation, but with the quiet confidence of one who has faced the night and yearns for the dawn.
Laconic messages with just "hi", "what's up," "I have a question," and the likes will be most likely ignored. If I can beat my own laconism when introducing myself here, so can you.

Hi people.
Hope you're doing well.
I like having good, deep conversations with people, some of my interests are.

• Reading, especially biology, sports sciences and history.
• Cooking, usually meat dishes, sorry vegans, I like to try and experiment and try healthy eating practices.
• Sports and working out, I love to spend time and extra energy at the gym and on the track so I can eat more haha.
• I like old nostalgic cartoons like the Looney tunes.
• I love pop music, usually Jpop, Kpop and other artists like Dua lipa.
• I watch Kdramas so any suggestions will be great.

Other than that I have issues with people of any gender or age as long as you're an adult. Thank you.

Hi people.
Hope you're doing well.
I like having good, deep conversations with people, some of my interests are.

• Reading, especially biology, sports sciences and history.
• Cooking, usually meat dishes, sorry vegans, I like to try and experiment and try healthy eating practices.
• Sports and working out, I love to spend time and extra energy at the gym and on the track so I can eat more haha.
• I like old nostalgic cartoons like the Looney tunes.
• I love pop music, usually Jpop, Kpop and other artists like Dua lipa.
• I watch Kdramas so any suggestions will be great.

Other than that I have issues with people of any gender or age as long as you're an adult. Thank you.

My fiance and I have been together for 11 years. I have been engaged for 7 of those years. It’s never been a wonderful relationship but rather we stuck it out because of the hardships that we were faced with and helped each other get through them. We’re more like good friends rather than lovers. We’ve been through a lot. Family issues, moving around, him and I cheating on each other, deaths in the family, marriages in the family… etc. but we stuck it out despite all of that. I find comfort in him in ways but I am not in love with this man. I went through 6 years of school and got my associates and bachelors degree in the medical field so that we could have a better life (he is 9 years older than me and never established himself. He’s nearly 40 now). With my career, I was able to buy a very nice home. He paid half of the closing costs and now pays half of the bills but is not on the title or the mortgage (all of the bills are in my name and he just transfers money into my account each month). I thought that if we had better we would be better as a couple but I’m finding out that it’s not as I had planned it out to be. It’s not the situation of which I’m living in, it’s him. I cannot stand him half the time. I’m feeling stuck. I can’t afford this home alone without being house broke. Plus, legally, I would have to evict him considering he is a co-occupant of this establishment. I’m also scared of losing him in a way because he’s been part of my life ever since I was 17 but deep down, I know this relationship is over and has been over for a long time. The only problem is even though I have mentioned that I wanted out before, he does not want to lose me. He is very much attached to me and does not want out of the relationship. So here are my options:

1. Do nothing. Stay in the relationship because it’s comfortable even though I’m not in love with him.
   
2. Ask him to leave - pay him back whatever he put towards the house and continue to live in the house and have financial hardship until maybe the economy gets better?!
   
3. Sell the house and move back home with my mom or into an apartment - I really love my house and worked so hard for it - not to mention, I got a really good deal with my interest rate - this would be a really hard decision to make even though financially is a better option if I were single.
   
4. Tell him the relationship is over but continue to live with him as “room mates” to allow both of us to figure it out in a timely manner?!
   

Any other options are welcomed. I just need help figuring out what to do.

So I’ve had my 7 month old (nearly 8 months) puppy Lexie for nearly 3 weeks now, and honestly it’s been kind of hard building a bond with her. Like yes she’s so cute, one of the cutest dogs I’ve ever seen, is such an insanely well-behaved pup for where she is in her training, and she’s overall just such a good dog. But when it comes to spending time together, I just feel like we’re lacking in the connection department. Sure I take really good care of her, take her only 20-30 mins walks twice to thrice a day, take her to the park at least 2 times every week, make sure to train her everyday for at least 30 mins, and I love doing all that stuff. She only nips when she gets playful, doesn’t scratch or bite at anything in my house, is doing pretty okay with her potty training, and is just such a well-behaved dog especially for a puppy, but I just fear that I don’t love her like I should or expected to. I was looking at multiple dogs before I got her, and there was another pup that really caught my eye, but I didn’t go for her because I was set on adopting my Lexie. But lately, I’m thinking maybe I should’ve just adopted the other pup. I hate thinking like this and I hate that I even have these thoughts because Lexie is such a good dog and I’ve only had her for a little while too. But I mean, all of the dog owners I know unconditionally love their dogs, some from the moment they adopt them, some over time. But I don’t know I’m just fearing we’re not gonna bond or have that deep connection I’m hoping for. I just feel so detached from her, we barely cuddle, she’s rarely even in the same room as me, she kinda just lays around which is fine. And every time I try to get her to lay in bed with me, lay on the couch with me, or just spend time together she walks away immediately or after a few minutes. I just am scared we’re not gonna get emotionally connected or have a great human-canine bond, and then if time keeps passing I’d feel way too bad giving her back to the rescue she was at. They’re a great rescue and said it would be fine if we gave her back if it didn’t work out, but I just so desperately want it to work because I want to love this dog with all my heart but I’m having a hard time bonding with her and am sometimes thinking what if I just got the other puppy? It’s awful and I hate thinking like this because Lexie is such a good dog but I just don’t know if we’ll connect.

Five honest questions to set your brand apart from the others.

Of all the things a marketer can be in charge of, positioning a brand is easily one of the hardest.
And that’s because, to the layman, brand positioning can be ridiculously challenging.
It requires a deep dive into understanding what sets you apart, deciphering your audience’s preferences, and then weaving it all together into a unique identity that you can call your own.
In fact, it’s so convoluted that even some of the world’s biggest companies — with their access to millions of advertising dollars — have screwed up royally in.

Why Is Brand Positioning Hard To Get Right?

Well for one, once a mind is made up, it’s almost impossible to change it.
Unfortunately, most marketers don’t get this.
They break their backs to attempt and change their prospect’s mind, but usually end up with a confusing — and more critically, weak — end positioning.
Here’s the thing though: in reality, brand positioning isn’t all that perplexing.
But just like how you can’t expect to bench press 200 pounds the first time you head to the gym, you can’t get it unless you respect and follow the right steps, along with working smart.
So what are the correct steps?
You came to the right place. Here’s the no-frills guide to brand positioning, presented in five reflective questions:

1. “What Position Do You Own?”

This first step is simple but deceptively hard to get right.
And that’s because most brands are either a)reluctant to face the truth, or b)they are completely ignorant of their brand’s positioning in the market.
You first need to understand what position you own in the market.
And that’s by engaging what I call an outside-in approach. Let me explain.
Most marketers tend to look from the inside out. They inspect their new product, break down its different USPs, and then try to form-fit it into their consumers’ preferences.
But in doing so, they’re completely missing out on the genuine interests and thought processes of their prospects!
Instead, look from the outside in. Start with your consumer, and try to visualize what exactly he/she associates with your brand.
For example, when you think of cheap soft drinks, the chances are that Coca-Cola will be the first brand that pops into your mind.
Starry, on the other hand, will be much further down that list.
So if you’re the brand owner of Coca-Cola, congratulations: you’ve already attained a great market position!
If you’re Starry’s however, you now have a harsh but honest view on your actual market positioning.
What’s next?

2. “What Position Do You Want To Own?

Well, if you’re Starry, you’re now faced with a conundrum.
Are you really satisfied with such a market positioning?
Or do you want to craft a new and improved one for yourself?
For example, would you prefer to own a high positioning for “fruit-flavored soft drinks”?
It may be more niche, but it certainly garners more presence in your chosen fruit-loving target audience.
By setting a goal for what position you want your brand to own, you now have more clarity on the gap between your current position and the ideal one.
Tip: being a big fish in a small sea of brands is always better than the reverse.
Now that you’ve identified the gap, the next step is to figure out what stands in your way:

3. “Who Do You Need To Beat?”

Let’s continue with the curious case of Starry.
Assuming you want to attain a high position for ‘fruit-flavored soft drinks’, you then have to be aware of your competition.
In this case, there’s clearly one huge obstacle: Fanta.
Now naturally, Fanta is a hard one to beat — simply because they’ve been around for longer and generally have higher brand awareness.
At this junction, there are a few options.
Go head-on with your rival (highly unrecommended because remember, it’s hard to change minds), or look for gaps in your competition and tweak your positioning to fill those spaces.
In the case of Fanta, they may be wildly popular but the obvious weak point is that they’re also ridiculously unhealthy.
Well then, how about a healthier — but still delicious — fruit-flavored soft drink?
Which was what Starry did). By reintroducing new and improved corn syrup into their drinks, they repositioned themselves as a healthier alternative to conventional sodas.
And the results were fantastic. Not only did market share for Starry increase significantly, but reports also showed the drink tasted, equally or if not better, than other competitors in the market.
Sure, they’ve still not beaten Fanta, but they’re well on their way to do so.

4. “Do You Have Enough Money?”

Sometimes in marketing, it really comes down to the finances.
And depending on your eventual positioning goal, you need to take a realistic look at whether your marketing budget can carry you there.
For example, if your ideal positioning is to be the top XXX brand in the world, then you do need to think about the costs you’re going to incur to advertise in these different markets across the globe.
So don’t forget to evaluate your financial situation carefully.
From there, connect it to your positioning goal. Is it doable? Or is it a little too ambitious at the moment, and baby steps are a more realistic way to go?

5. “Can You Last?”

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, people’s minds truly do not change easily.
And if you’re embarking on a positioning project, along with tussling with some strong competitors, be prepared to duke it out.
Most positionings don’t get cemented for many years, and if you’re aiming for a long-term solid positioning, then get ready to exercise some patience.
Even after that, you’re going to get new competitors popping up now and then, so you also need to be on full alert to defend your position.
But the rewards are substantial: you get a group of loyal customers who will always turn to your brand without a second thought.

Conclusion

A solid brand positioning is everything.
Not only does it pretty much guarantee that sales will always be coming in, but it also gives your brand the advantage to do other things with that presence: introduce new products, etc.
So it’s essential to get it right.
Follow the five aspects above, and you’ll have a cohesive but realistic way to tackle your brand positioning.
What are some challenges you face when positioning your brand? Don't forget to follow analyzeoptimize for more such insights.

Backstory- my husband and I are in our mid 40s. Married 22 years with 4 kids. My husband and I had very different upbringings…. He was raised a very strict Christian and attended Christian grade school, high school and college. I rarely went to church until we were married.
The issues began two summers ago (summer of 2022). My husband was forced to work a job that basically left him sitting alone in a small building without much to do. He was working upwards of 60-70 hours a week at this job. He had a lot of time on his hands and I had a lot to do around the house to keep the our lives running smoothly. Without my knowledge, without including me, and without caring about me our his family, my husbands life took a different path than what we had been accustomed to for over 20 years. He took a deep dive into his faith and began spending all his time at work reading and studying the Bible and praying. He would rarely call or text me and basically cut off all communication from me that summer. I often asked him why. Why didn’t he call? He wasn’t doing anything at work and I was confused as to why he had so little time to talk to me and this left me feeling betrayed and like I was being ignored and I talked to him about it many times that summer.
Not until early November after that summer did he confess to me what he had actually been spending all his time doing. He didn’t confess to me in a loving manner. It wasn’t a thoughtful conversation. It was him in my face, yelling and crying and telling me that I was not Christian enough, and I needed to submit myself to God. He made comments during this conversation about my dad not going to heaven because of his lack of faith. He even made comments that as a disciple of God he found it necessary to try to help my dad. He screamed at me through a closet door that I had locked myself in to escape his persistent need to yell at me. He was crying into the closet door telling me that I needed turn to God so I can be saved and that he needed to help me do it. This all happened while my dad was in the hospital struggling to survive and enduring pain and one set back after another. I was distraught. I felt betrayed, and rightfully so. This was so far out of the norm and though we went to church every Sunday, our faith did not extend much past that.
The next few weeks were rough, but normalcy in our life continued. Husband continued his faith walk and he made many improvements in his life to be a better Christian, husband and father and though I wasn’t on the same journey, I did nothing to stop his walk with God. It wasn’t until the following spring that a similar conversation took place with more yelling and crying. My husband could not accept that I wasn’t and am still not in the same place as him. Life again went on. Flash forward to the following summer in August and my dad died.
I dealt with and continue to deal with lots of depression, anger, anxiety and confusion in my life and I miss my dad. I live with daily flashbacks and grief surrounding his death and I am working through this with help, but the reality is when you have to walk into a hospital room with your mom and siblings and hold your dads hand and tell him “this is it, you are going to die, there is nothing that can be done to save you”, you will never be the same. When you have to hold your dads hand as he cries because he has to leave you, you will never forget that. When you sit with your mom and family and watch your dad take his last breath, a part of you dies with him. I have had to consciously put my pain and sadness to the side to continue life and to be strong for my mom and my family, but that does not mean that many times of every day flashbacks about that final week of my dads life do not over take my thoughts. That the pain, anger and sadness do not come back to the surface. It’s just really hard.
This past week brought new betrayal, distrust and lies. My husband, without my knowledge or without discussing it with me, committed to becoming an elder at our church. The only way I found out was that another elder accidentally called my number and left a voice mail, or I probably still wouldn’t know.
When I talked to my husband about this. He basically just told me that he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to hear what I had to say and didn’t want me to try to stop him… I wouldn’t have. I did tell him that he is not ready to be an elder…. I believe his home life and marriage need to be in order to be able to assist in leading the church. He did agree and talked to the church about it and it was decided he would become a deacon instead.
I love my husband and despite the opinions you may have formed about him because of what I have said above, he really is great and our marriage is great…. He is a great provider, a great father, he teaches high school Sunday school at our church, we have a great sex life and he has really improved in his communication skills, but obviously a lot work in that department yet.
I really wish I had a stronger desire to build a better relationship with God- for myself and my marriage. I believe in God. I know what I should be doing (reading and studying the Bible and praying), but just can’t put myself in the mind frame to take a deep dive into my faith. My prayer life is basically nonexistent. I feel like I am in limbo and waiting for some type of sign or feeling, but is just not happening. My husband of course would love to help lead me and help me study the Bible, but his past attempts at communicating this with me just leave me worried. Not really sure what to do. Thanks for listening.

I neglected to include this in my cycle recap, but hopefully some future applicants find this helpful. Obviously this is not a one-size-fits-all. https://www.lsd.law/users/creep/SquidwardsHouse
Resume
This will be controversial, but it ideally should be one-page. Harvard and Yale have made explicit their preference for such. I’d say if you’ve got less than 10 years of work experience, you almost certainly can and should fit it on one page. Be concise with your verbiage. Don’t piss the reader off with small fonts (definitely no less than size 11) or crammed wording. You don’t need to patronize the reader by describing in intricate detail what some common-sense things are.
LORs
Again, I believe less is generally more, continuing with my theme. If you can effectively cover ground with two letters when you can submit up to three or four, then choose 2. The only school I submitted 3 letters to was Yale, and that was because I was advised they wanted two academic letters and a military letter to speak to my five years in the Navy. Every other school I submitted one academic and one professional (military) letter.
Yale 250
I wrote about a humbling experience where essentially the main takeaway was that I didn’t need to have an opinion/express an opinion on everything. I hit on the same anecdote in every single one of my interviews, and I think it was well-received.
Harvard Statement of Purpose
-I opted for a different approach contrary to what many recommended. I did not use my traditional Personal Statement for this topic. Instead, I went with a much more direct 1-page statement addressing why I no longer wanted to pursue the JAG Corps in the military (since I’m a reapplicant from a few years ago), and how now I want to clerk, work in big law for a few years to gain experience, and then be a federal prosecutor. There was a lot of good interview fodder from this statement that Dean KJ took an interest in.
PS/HLS Statement of Perspective
My Personal Statement was very reflective in nature on my past failures and moments of growth, and how offering and accepting help is crucial to such growth. I felt this fit the prompt of Harvard’s Statement of Perspective much better for me, as stated above. For my personal statements for other schools, the only modification was I had a paragraph inserted about why I wanted to continue in public service as a federal prosecutor.
Why UVA
I made crystal clear how UVA was one of my top choices, and I think they appreciated that. I did not want to run the risk of appearing like I was coasting on stats, which often leads to people getting waitlisted or denied at UVA and similar schools. I talked about how Charlottesville mirrored my state school undergrad, and how I loved that being an island of blue in a sea of red on the political lap brings with it a perspective you can’t find easily most other places. I also discussed my goals of wanting to practice in the south after law school, which added to the authenticity in my view.
Character and Fitness
Just own it. Don’t shift the blame. Be as concise about what happened as possible and take ownership of it. I got fired as an RA for hosting a party with other RA’s in my dorm room. It was about 5 sentences in length.
Georgetown Top 10
As a huge Survivor fan, I made a detailed top 10 winners list.
Interview Advice
It’s okay to be nervous. I fucked up the intro to my Harvard interview by saying something like “I guess it’s nervous to be normal” and we laughed about it. My Yale interview started 8 minutes late because we had audio issues connecting. I was panicking on the inside from embarrassment, but tried not to let that show to my interviewer (who I could see on video still). The interview went great and we talked for twenty minutes past my allotted time. My other feedback is to give good thought as to Why X school and why law school in general. In my Harvard interview, I said something along the lines of "A lot of people grow up dreaming of coming to this school, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't one of them. Even more than that, though, the size of Harvard's class brings with it a diversity of backgrounds and thought that you can't find as easily anywhere else. I remember reading about conservative students in the past enjoying now-Senator Elizabeth Warren's classes when she taught here. That coupled with Harvard having the highest student veteran population of any school make it a natural fit." As for the Georgetown interview, I think a good rule of thumb is to be respectful of the other applicants’ time and answers. Try not to talk more than anyone else in the group interview, and try to pay attention to what people say to show you’re listening. Finally, (and maybe I’m old fashioned) I think it’s generally polite and professional to send a quick thank-you email to your interviewethe admissions inbox. Don’t expect a response, but I do think it’s a thoughtful touch.

2.3.5 Controversial views and perceptions of the clinical picture of MCAS
2.3.5.1 Alternative diagnostic criteria ("Consensus-2")
In 2011, the group of authors led by Gerald Molderings from the Institute for Human Genetics at the University Hospital Bonn and Lawrence Afrin published their own approach to the diagnosis of MCAS (51). In contrast to the diagnostic criteria of Valent et al. (1), the focus here is more on clinical symptoms. In 2016, Afrin et al. published a list of the most common symptoms that could indicate MCAS (52). Furthermore a questionnaire was developed and published on a website (53), after the answers to which the suspected diagnosis of MCAS could be supported or ruled out depending on the scores obtained. In a recently published publication, the working group referred to their diagnostic criteria as "Consensus-2" and compared and discussed them with the criteria of Valent et al. from 2016 (so-called "Consensus-1") (51). An important difference to the criteria Valent et al. 2016, the authors consider the symptoms not only as the main main criterion, but also a much wider range of previously unexplained symptoms (111 unexplained symptoms (111 possible symptoms (44)) as the most important indication of a a mast cell-mediated cause (14 symptoms in Valent et al. (1)). As The diagnosis of MCAS is considered confirmed if the main criterion is present together with a secondary criterion and possible alternative diagnoses have been excluded. The secondary criteria, in turn, are based on observations made at the time of the 500 people with suspected MCAS at the time of the first publication (44). Further differences between the two consensuses can be found in the laboratory parameters to be determined. For example, the researchers from different disciplines, which according to their own statements can draw on a wealth of experience of of over 10,000 MCAS patients (diagnosed according to their own criteria, nota bene), consider CgA to be specific for mast cells in addition to tryptase, among other things (44). The counterargument of the lower specificity compared to serum tryptase is granted a certain validity in the addendum to the "Consensus-2" published in 2020 (44), however the differential diagnoses with elevated CgA values should be easy to rule out and other markers are also never 100% specific. However, another group was already able to show in 2017 that CgA should not be used as a marker for mast cell disease(49). Furthermore the group of authors of the "Consensus-2" counts heparin as an important marker for MCAS, which should be determined after venous congestion using a blood pressure cuff (54). This maneuver was reported to cause irritation of excessively activatable mast cells with release of heparin in the congested area. Interestingly, the following section mentions markers such as IL-6 or tumor necrosis factor (TNF) which, due to their lack of specificity, are not used in diagnostics, but only in the evaluation of a successful therapy. The authors of "Consensus-2" criticize "Consensus-1" for, among other things the lack of definitions for a treatment response, whereby the "Consensus-2 does not provide any concrete proposals for evaluating or monitoring the response to therapy. Another point of criticism is the lack of exclusion of other comorbidities or differential diagnoses, such as CFS, EDS and irritable bowel syndrome, as clinical indications of MCAS. [...] In return, the AAAAI expressly points out that there is no evidence to date of a connection between CFS or EDS and MCAS. Overall, the clinical picture of MCAS is so complex and heterogeneous that a precise definition of a diagnostic algorithm is not possible at the present time. Molderings et al. therefore propose the acceptance of both the "Consensus1" according to Valent et al. and their "Consensus-2" until more precise findings are available through research. The resulting disadvantages, such as the the poorer comparability of patient populations in scientific studies would weigh less heavily than those resulting from the rejection of "Consensus-2" (an underdiagnosis due to criteria that are too restrictive according to the authors). On the other hand, the large number of non-specific complaints that are supposedly associated with MCAS harbors the risk of inflationary diagnosis.
2.3.5.2 Presentation in the lay press
An expansion of the MCAS definition with the use of non-validated clinical and laboratory chemical parameters for diagnosis is frequently found in the lay media, above all on websites, but also in the specialist literature. Increasingly, patients with (suspected) MCAS are organizing themselves with commitment and are increasingly organizing themselves into interest groups such as MCAS Hope e.V., which campaigns for the recognition of MCAS "as an independent disease". In addition They also network those affected and their relatives and carry out public relations work, which aims to make the clinical picture known to a broader public. This expansion of the diagnostic criteria described above increases the risk of a misdiagnosis of MCAS and overlooking the underlying disease, which may be easily treatable. On the other hand, such an erroneous diagnosis can also lead to the use of unnecessary or potentially harmful therapies for MCAS and supposed comorbidities (20). Shortly after publication of the review paper "Doctor, I Think I Am Suffering from MCAS: Differential Diagnosis and Separating Facts from Fiction" by Valent et al. a self claimed affected person started an online petition in which she demands the authors and the publishing Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology to remove the article (55). Among other things, they criticize the criterion of the tryptase increase, which is too harsh and would therefore prevent many patients from being diagnosed. The clinic also does not typically manifest as anaphylaxis, contrary to what is described in the paper, since mediator release in anaphylactic degranulation differs from that in piecemeal degranulation. Finally, the author of the petition, who sees herself as a "patient spokesperson", reports on personal experiences of frustration and feelings of frustration and rejection that were conveyed to her by doctors in the course of her medical history. The petition has so far reached just under 3,000 of the targeted 5,000 digital signatures (as of December 2020) and shows in particular how emotional the issue of the topic of MCAS is being observed and discussed not only in professional circles, but also among patients. Apparently, some patients find the diagnosis of MCAS to be the last explanation for their multiple non-specific symptoms and hope for more acceptance in scientific circles.
2.3.5.3 Difficulties in making a diagnosis
In recent years, despite the existence of consensus criteria, a (suspected) diagnosis is often made in practice, even though these criteria are insufficiently fulfilled. In some cases, the MCAS diagnosis is also increasingly used for otherwise inexplicable conditions that cannot otherwise be explained. The evaluation of symptoms without a known direct connection with the release of mast cell mediators, for example from the neurological or psychiatric spectrum, as a manifestation of the disease leads to a further dilution of the MCAS diagnosis (43). In the "Bonn" questionnaire, the vast majority of the items asked are not based on the consensus criteria formulated by Valent et al. for example they see the sonographic evidence of an enlarged liver as an indication of the disease (53). The measurement of a tryptase elevation in acute relapse, as required by the diagnostic criteria is difficult to implement in practice, whether for reasons of time, capacity or billing. Targeted therapy trials with maximum specificity with regard to all possible decisive mediators are not possible without prior measurement of urinary metabolites and, in the absence of criteria or measuring instruments often do not produce satisfactory results (43). Last but not least, the wide range of possible differential diagnoses, such as for example from the endocrinological, neurological, psychiatric or cardiovascular area, further complicates the diagnosis (43).
Translated with deep.l
https://refubium.fu-berlin.de/bitstream/handle/fub188/32749/diss_s.gu.pdf;jsessionid=A575C43E11977D2F576404BF69D6469C?sequence=3

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I’m still embarrassed for how the relationship went and that I let her treat me. If anything I learned a lot from this relationship.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

The unknown of the paranormal, does it really exist? It's something I've wondered about for years. I've never had any paranormal experiences that made me 100% believe in it, until last week, when I managed to have a conversation with one. Generally, I have always been quite skeptical about this subject. I have always tried to find an explanation for everything that happened to me, but sometimes not even science can explain certain phenomena.
Before telling you about the experience that changed my life, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Luca and I am a bit introverted. I have never liked to socialize with people, although luckily I still have some friends I've had since elementary school. Without them I would probably be completely alone; they are just as geeky as I am, so they have never judged me for my weird tastes.
April 7th came around, my friend Rick's birthday, and we decided to celebrate it at Mia's house, an old classmate of mine who had a pretty big house on the outskirts of the city, with a garden and a swimming pool. I met up with my friend Thomas (we call him Thom) to go to the birthday party together. The party was fine, nothing more. In the end, we were four lifelong friends tired of making the same plans every day.
It was getting dark, so I brought up the subject of the paranormal to scare them a little. I love seeing their shocked faces as they tell horror stories. Mia told us that her father is fascinated by this world and has sometimes done research on it. After a few hours of chatting and debating about the existence of the paranormal, we were so excited that we decided to go to an abandoned hospital near Mia's house. Before we left, Mia picked up a Spirit Box her father had from the investigations. I thought they hadn't taken the plan to investigate that hospital seriously, but in the end we all wanted to know the answer to a question that none of us knew the answer to.
We arrived at the hospital, and I must stress that it was a cold and silent night. We walked in and the four of us were quite frightened. We didn't dare go up to the second floor, as everything was in very bad condition and there were even dangerous holes in the floor. Mia turned on the Spirit Box to see if it would pick up any spirits. We started asking questions to see if any being from beyond would answer us, but nothing. After about 40 minutes with no answers, we plucked up the courage to investigate the hospital a little further. I noticed that there was a hole in the wall that led down a flight of stairs, as if there was a subway floor. I poked my head through the hole and saw a sign that said "Morgue" and a down arrow pointing to the stairs. I convinced everyone to go down to see if we could pick up anything paranormal in that morgue.
As we walked down those stairs, the cold increased so much that it made my skin crawl. When we got to some sort of completely trashed room, we turned on the Spirit Box. We started to say "Hello? Is anyone here?" and it didn't take long to get a response. From the device a voice began to be heard that seemed to mimic us, a deep voice that said "Who am I contacting?" and we replied, "We are Luca, Mia, Rick and Thom. Who are you?" the voice replied, with a somber echo, "I am he who dwells among shadows." We looked at each other in disbelief and fear, unable to process what we had just heard.
Rick, trying to remain calm, asked, "Why are you here?"
The voice was silent for a few moments and then said, "Because you called me."
The temperature dropped even lower, and I could see my breath in the air. Mia, her face pale, tried to unplug the Spirit Box, but the device continued to work. The voice continued, "I've been waiting...for a long time."
We were starting to get nervous. Thom, always the most rational of the group, tried to find a logical explanation. "This must be interference or something," he muttered. But even he seemed less sure than usual.
Mia, with a tremor in her voice, asked, "What do you want from us?"
"I want... freedom," the voice replied. "You guys must help me get out of here."
We began to hear footsteps, as if someone was approaching, though we couldn't see anyone. Suddenly, Rick gasped and fell to the ground, holding his head. "It's in my mind! It's trying to get in!"
We helped Rick to his feet, but his face reflected a terror we had never seen before. "He knows things about us," Rick muttered, "things we've never told."
We decided enough was enough and started backing toward the stairs. However, the voice didn't let us go easily. "You can't run away from me. We're connected now."
Mia, desperate, shouted, "What do you want from us?"
"I want... to be one with you," the voice replied with a ghoulish laugh. "I want to experience what you call life."
At that moment, something strange happened. I felt as if an invisible force was pushing me forward, separating me from the group. The others seemed to be experiencing the same thing. The darkness of the morgue seemed to envelop us, as if we were being absorbed by it.
Then everything went black.
When I woke up, I was in the garden of Mia's house. The others were there too, but something had changed. We looked at each other with a sense of strangeness, as if we were no longer ourselves. Rick had an expression on his face that was not his own, and Mia and Thom looked just as puzzled.
Suddenly, a voice spoke from inside my head. "We are now one."
I understood then: the spirit hadn't been trying to contact us. It had been trying to possess us. We had become the hosts of that entity.
Days passed, then weeks, and I began to realize that we were not the same. We had memories and thoughts that were not ours. Strange behaviors began to emerge, as if we were being influenced by an outside presence.
Finally, the truth was revealed. As we investigated more about the abandoned hospital and the Spirit Box, we discovered that the voice was not just any spirit, but an ancient entity seeking reincarnation in the living. And now, that entity was part of us.
Over time, we began to lose more and more control over our own bodies and minds. The entity was winning, and we were disappearing.
The real horror was not what we found in the hospital, but what we brought back with us. There was no escape. We were no longer ourselves, but mere fragments of an ancient darkness that had found its new home in our souls.
And so, the unknown of the paranormal was not only answered, but became our reality, a reality from which we could never escape.

The thing about this speech is that it doesn’t feel like two super beings having a grand debate about what should happen to the world or one side representing humans and the other representing Ghouls. It’s just two people discussing about their views on everything that has happened throughout the series and just comparing their ideologies. Furuta’s is cold and nihilistic believing that life has no meaning and this world is fucked up so he can do whatever he wants no matter who he hurts and doesn’t understand how Kaneki can stay so hopeful after all the trauma which let’s face it if we were in Kaneki’s place we would have given up a long time ago. Kaneki on the other hand sees a hidden beauty to this world and remains hopeful stating that while he has suffered a lot he’s also gained so much more he found teachers (Yoshimura and Arima), Friends (Hide, Nishiki and Tsukiyama), Allies (Banjo, Ayato and Amon), Comrades (The Quinxes) and love (Touka) and by thinking about all of the people he has in his life now he’s fine with suffering if he can be with them. Furuta doesn’t understand this as he had none of that the only person he ever loved didn’t give a damn about him. So Furuta accepts his fate and that he’s going to die and that his life basically amounted to nothing. Furuta then decides to tell Kaneki what he believes to be a joke asking if he would laugh if Furuta said he wanted a normal life but Kaneki decides to comfort him in his last moments by saying he wouldn’t laugh because deep down despite how much he’s changed Kaneki is still the same kind man we saw all those years ago in that coffee shop. With this Furuta looks back to when he was a child, accepts his fate and dies peacefully. This is my favourite moment in the entire franchise both manga and anime and made Kaneki and Furuta some of my favourite characters in any form of media.

Hi everyone - I’d love some advice regarding my nanny situation.
The short version: I recently hired a nanny for my 6 month old, and overall we love her. She’s great with my little one’s care, generally open to our feedback, and just a nice person overall. She has experienced a lot of unimaginable trauma in her life, and I am in awe of her strength. That being said, every conversation we have - including instructions for the baby - somehow gets tied back to the trauma, her parents not loving her, or some other really deep and touchy subject. It’s to a point where it’s hard to have a conversation with her because she’ll talk over what is being said to just talk and talk through her past traumas. And she’ll just keep talking, even when I walk away because I need to work. I fully understand she’s got a lot on her mind, but I just don’t know how to give her the feedback of “it’s a lot”.
The long version: On the first day of the job, 4 hours in, she started crying entirely unprompted and telling me every deep trauma from childhood to now (she’s in her 40s and clearly very troubled by her relationship with her mother, feels unwanted). It stemmed from me asking for help with something and her just equating it to her life. If I’m doing tummy time with my little one and encouraging them, she’ll start talking over me about how her own child never felt such love from their family, issues she’s had with the child’s father, etc. By the end of our first few days together, I felt drained. If I’m showing her how we make our LO’s bottle, she dives into her traumatic births, how her children were overweight at birth, and missed the bottle instructions so I had to repeat them.
I had to leave for work recently and came to say bye to my LO. She started talking over me talking to my LO about how taking care of a baby is easy, but her life has been so hard. She literally stopped and grabbed her forehead and started talking about how hard her life has been… again, talking over us as I’m telling my LO I’m heading out.
Or she asked me recently if we have plans to have other children, I told her we weren’t sure. She used that as a segway into discussing how she couldn’t have children immediately, married her ex husband within a week at 18, and all because her mother didn’t want her in her house anymore. Or if she hears me having a phone conversation with someone in my family, when I hang up she’ll start unpromptedly talking about how her mother is threatening to kick her out of her home and she may be homeless soon, so it is probably nice to have parents who love me.
By the end of the first week, I knew everything from her traumas from age 7 to now, divorce details, her children’s allergies, her extended family’s hospitalizations, etc. I want to have a good relationship with our nanny and know them well, but this is entirely different. If my husband and I mention anything about childcare being difficult (I.e. we had a rough night because the baby didn’t sleep well), it’ll segway into how much harder her life was raising 4 children etc.
She wiped down the baby’s changing station yesterday (which I greatly appreciated) but it then prompted her to also tell us about her previous run in with chemical pneumonia due to expired cleaning products she once used, tied all of that to her father’s lung cancer given their coughs were similar, and just talked for a good 5-6 minutes about that. It ended with her telling us her father died thinking no one loved him… all from the update of the changing table.
Someone else on here has a recent post about how the parents’ words really matter. Given the amount of time our nanny spends around our LO, I think her words really matter as well. We’ve had to talk to her about negative tonality with the baby, which she’s working on fixing. If the baby is hungry, she generally asks if her parents haven’t fed her versus asking if she’s hungry, or if she’s sleepy the nanny would ask hee if we didn’t let her sleep versus asking if she’s sleepy. As the baby grows and develops her own language skills, I let the nanny know I don’t want the baby to associate those remarks with us. She’s working on talking to her differently but I think a lot of it is unfortunately rooted in her own experiences and parental issues.
We love her work and how she cares for our little one, she’s super in tune with the baby’s needs. But the trauma dumping is very draining. I understand wholeheartedly it may not be easy to be her, and everyone needs an outlet, but it’s to the point where that overtakes every and any thing she says or does. I want to give her honest feedback without hurting her feelings - but not sure it’s my place to do so. It’s getting to the point where we are considering interviewing others (but don’t want to). I mean this in the nicest possible way but we hired her to help us out with our child, not to be her built in therapists.