(Apologies for the length)
So here is mine. I (37M) made the decision, earlier this year, to leave the company I co-founded a few years ago. I've since been re-prioritizing, working out and improving my health, eliminating stressors, and planning my next business moves (basically self-focus). Last Fall I reconnected with a close friend (32F) that I had lost most contact with for a few years.
We used to work together years before and became close quickly and easily. We were always naturally flirty and still are, and one day she opened up about her feelings for me to which I happily reciprocated. This is where the problems began. Reason being that years prior I had gone through about 3 subsequent relationships/situations that destroyed my trust and desire for being vulnerable romantically. I had just given up for the foreseeable future. This reveal from her occurred during this aftermath period and I was unable to process, comprehend, and alleviate doubts/fears appropriately, preventing me from communicating with her about it almost altogether. She persisted and was graciously cool about what I'm sure was confusing to her with my horrible communication abilities at the time. Eventually she moved on and we just remained friends, with her leaving for a new job not long after. She also entered a relationship with a mutual acquaintance soon after that (randomly, not because of our situation). She was happy and growing in her life and I found joy in that but my missteps haunted me since she moved on. I meant the reciprocation but knew then that I couldn't be what she deserved and refused to use her affection for my own happiness. I also knew that I owed her an explanation, as I couldn't stand for her to possibly think I found something wrong or undesirable about her, leading to my actions before. It just never felt appropriate to do while she was seeing someone.
FAST-FORWARD (Don't laugh too hard at that)...
After leaving the job myself and helping start a company and going my own direction, my feelings never waned off but I didn't dwell. Around 4-5 years had passed. I would see her randomly here and there, still in her relationship, and it was always nice. It was apparent she was excited by my presence and always made the effort to share a hug and some time talking. We have an incredibly solid friendship and banter base that will always be around. Despite that, the occasions she would be where I was became scarce and it was back to the usual. During the days leading up to my decision to leave the company, I just needed a trusted friend to talk to. I ran into a mutual friend of mine and hers and during the catch-up they mentioned they had hung out with her recently and that she had ended her relationship. Now, someone in my position would probably relish in that information. I'll admit I wasn't bummed by it. I realized, however, that I more just missed talking to her and felt I should reach out. So I did.
Now we are caught up (It annoys me as well)...
Since last Fall we have been catching up and bantering better than ever and it has been great. The natural flirtation and everything has been there but more in-line with where we are now in life. She had mentioned her breakup during the initial reconnect, but never mentioned anything further from her end nor inquired about my status. We just focused on the stellar conversation and regained contact. I knew my feelings never went anywhere and they just became more enhanced as we kept talking (only via text to this point). I knew the possibility that she was seeing someone else was there but didn't really care. I wasn't much to expect her to consider letting her guard down a second time with me, especially without having spoken about what happened before. After much thought, I made certain I was sure of how I was feeling about myself, her, and the situation and texted her about meeting up. She was very excited to do so and we set up a plan and ended up meeting recently. I was just purely excited to see her again in-person, but the obvious hopes and desires we as people have are always there. I knew part of me would be gauging it all to see where we both stand.
It was a fantastic meet up but she did mention her breakup quite early on and also that she was dating someone currently. It did NOT hit me like bricks or whatever saying applies. It wasn't great to hear for that part of me that was hoping, but I knew it could be a thing going in. The real impact was the reevaluation of much of the previous conversations we had made, with before having no knowledge of her dating someone during so. It never got out of hand, just that natural flirtation and sharing of trusted information that can seem to have dual tonality to them. You just never know until you know. The evening carried on and we kept bonding really well and having a great time as friends (the tone it needed to take). I'll mention that this person is an amazing, generous, loyal, independent, and confident individual that overcame a lot of insecurities in life (like so many of us do or hope to do), and has incredible integrity. She would not intentionally disrespect the person she is dating. One of her many admirable qualities. We continued catching up and relocated to grab a bite to eat. During this portion we bonded on more things and I was finally honest with myself internally that I can't fight the fact that I do, in fact, love this person and it made me excited. I knew though that I had to now have that conversation about what happened in the past, which was long overdue and needed to happen before anything else could be broached.
I promise I'm going to wrap this up (I appreciate your patience if you got this far)...
It was now nighttime and a reasonable time to part ways. I knew my chance was now or never so I inquired if we could park for a second and chat. We did and I just went into it in the best way I could that respected her current situation (I feel too strongly and respect her too much to let my feelings disregard her boundaries). She listened and received it like a total boss, which is no surprise. Luckily it hadn't impacted her too poorly and the new knowledge alleviated any doubt she may have had about herself. I didn't really expect her to even remember it all anyhow. I just had to know she knew what happened and where I stood/stand. Human nature being what it is, I toed the line a few times with my words but I always made sure she knew I meant all due respect and meant it. Some things just build too much pressure when you hold on the them and they eventually get released. She was very reassuring that I was behaving and even revealed new information from her side of it back then and now. She allowed me to express everything I was able to within the boundaries present and was very kind about it. Obviously I had now revealed that I still maintained feelings for her amidst it all. I am not a pro on the subject of attraction, but I'm not an idiot either. The eyes and mouth can speak volumes, and I saw what I'm sure I subconsciously wanted to see. I knew I would run risk of breaching her trust if I persisted too far and I was feeling bad about keeping her out as late as it was, so I asked if I could make a couple inquiries that were appropriately worded. She agreed and I asked if after my idiocy back in the day when she approached me, was that where her feelings for me had stopped. She quickly and softly whispered "No.". I took that in and decided to ask, hypothetically, that if she had no attachments and I were to approach her, would I receive a half-way positive response. She had a slight pause and said "More than half-way.". Despite a heavy desire to explore further, I knew I shouldn't and by happenstance she got a phone call right after this. She said she needed to take it and it was her dad. I stepped out of the car but doing so I happened to notice the name on the dash screen (we had taken her car the the restaurant). I don't know her father personally or know his exact name, but it wasn't the one on the screen. I didn't and likely won't read into that too much, but thought I'd share it in here. Anyway, she handled the call quickly and got out to hug and say our goodbyes. We shared a long hug and exchanged thank yous and then found the opportunity to enact a fake threat of a gentle kidney goosing from some flirty banter a few days prior. She enjoyed it. We then parted ways asking each other to inform of their safe arrival home. Which we did.
So there you have it. Obviously there are many ways to dissect something like this. I feel we both behaved rather well even though I feel a bit of guilt and hope I haven't caused her any undue problems, as she is in a great place in life (mainly because of her personal and professional growth, not necessarily the dating). I also don't regret unburdening myself the way I did. I think we both deserved it for different reasons.
I suppose I'm just curious of your thoughts on it all. I'm doing alright after it all but know the dynamic is different now. She is likely juggling a thought or two just like I am, but we still talk as friends. She is content where she is but I could tell that, if perhaps the timing was different, we wouldn't hesitate to get together. I hold excitement at the thought but will not wait on chance. She is walking her path and me my own. Those paths may indeed converge one day, but her friendship is something I won't gamble away nor would she to mine. It also may never happen. These are the realities.
Thoughts/anybody else out there?
Thank you for your indulgence.

Hello everyone, I have had an interesting trip to say the least. Backstory, me and the bride met in middle school at a summer Christian camp. We went to the same school, but she was a year older than me. We were close friends in high school but drifted during college because that’s what typically happens. Fast forward, she graduated last year and moved back with her fiancé. We linked up afterwards and our friendship is doing great. I was invited to the wedding, not a bridesmaid which is not a problem because I am so happy that she met someone who cares for her. I just wanted to clear that up because I know some will jump to conclusions (looking at you Charlotte, if you’re even reading this). Now, the bride invited me to the bachelorette weekend and of course I accepted because who doesn’t like a girls exclusive weekend?! She got it for free from one of the bridesmaids and asked if she could bring me since one of the other bridesmaids just gave birth. She accepted!
We will call the owner of the beach house Stella. Stella was fun to be around and seemed to have a great sense of humor. I found her to be passive aggressive towards me, after seeing my necklace (I have a birthstone that my bf gave me, a cremation necklace for my dog who recently passed {bf also got me that bc he’s a sweetheart and we love a good gentleman around here}, and lastly a cross with an infinity thing). She stared at my chest a lot, I originally thought that she was just enamored or jealous by my enormous jugs (I am a size H) and shrugged it off. Later we were playing drinking games in the house (still the first night) and every thing was great! Stella suggested that we play truth and dare, which I didn’t like because I thought that it was too high-schooly, but I went along anyways. After everyone had gone around, Stella suggested spicing things up. I was interested by replacing the truth rule with drinking, but immediately thrown off when she suggested stripping. As I stated earlier, I have size H boobs, I have always been self conscious about them, especially since they have scars from open heart surgery. Stella said we would have to work our way from the top to the bottom and then first one out of clothes had to streak. I thought it was an insane idea, but really who am I to judge as a Christian? That’s Gods job, not mine. I politely declined and told the girls that I would be on the balcony watching the waves because I was uncomfortable with showing my boobs to everyone because I am not good with dares. Needless to say Stella threw a fit and called me a boring Bible thumper. I had not mentioned my faith at that point during the ENTIRE day. The bride stepped in and asked if we could just cut out the stripping part. That must have hit a few nerves because Stella told her that there was no way that she was taking my side because she knew what Christians had done to her in the past. Now I had no idea that she had any religious trauma and I feel bad that evil people severed her relationship with God because of their selfishness. I think it’s awful that so many hijack Christianity for evil and I do not blame her for the conclusions that she had jumped to about all Christians. Turns out my friend had never mentioned that she was a Christian because of Stella’s disdain. Shit hit the fan when the bride told Stella that she was a Christian and that we became friends at a Christian camp. She freaked out and said that she could not believe that she had been lied to all of these years (they became friends 2 years ago) and that she could not stand to be around ‘disgusting Bible thumpers for any longer’. We were all drunk. None of us could drive. And Stella wanted me and the bride out. The other bridesmaids were trying to calm Stella down and reassure her that not all Christians are menaces. Stella went to her room rambling about how I had made her friend (the bride) a homophobic witch. We stayed the night, hoping Stella was too drunk to remember (which is where we might have been in the wrong) and hoped for an apology if she did. I honestly thought she would be embarrassed by her behavior. Instead the morning after she doubled down, BROKE DOWN THE DOOR OF THE BEDROOM I WAS STAYING IN, and demanded that the bride and I leave. The bachelorette weekend was then spent in our hometown bar hopping at the few bars there and sleeping at my parents house. The bride asked Stella to step down and she told the bride to fuck off because she was going to step down anyways. I cash apped her 150 for ‘I’m sorry, here’s some money for a new door’ and she sent it back under ‘I don’t take money from homophobic Bible thumpers’. I think that was her only insult, I have no fucking idea but man did my friend dodge a bullet. Imagine what Stella’s reaction would have been if a pastor had shown up to the wedding and she had to watch my friend and her fiancé announce their love to Jesus Christ and form a marriage in his name. And for the question you all may be asking, no, I will not be a bridesmaid because I am graduating college and am broke.

This weekend, Ajax Budokan invited Kodokan 9th dan and former head of the Tokyo Police dojo, Michio Fukushima Sensei, to conduct a 4 hour clinic for Kodokan Goshin Jutsu. It was open to yellow belt and higher, though the majority consisted of Yudansha. My senseis had the honour of demoing the kata, as Fukushima Sensei's health did not permit presenting each technique multiple times, though he did show some of the finer details, demo mechanics, and gave comments as to what was good and displayed what could be fixed. He also talked about older versions of the techniques and how/ why they have been changed. Regretfully, it totally slipped my mind to film during the seminar, as there was a lot of good information, translated (and left untranslated) by the interpreter.
Some General Notes on Fukushima Sensei Fukushima Sensei on multiple occasions mentioned how one should carry themselves and move, more specifically he talked about how he usually sees toris get away with bad shisei as uke's attacks are generally to kind or passive, and that if they genuinely attacked, most toris would be off balance. Additionally he mentioned that a lot of IFJ competition now is power judo, where the technical aspects are replaced for brute force and speed.
The main note he makes is to keep the knees alive (slightly bent and bouncy like a spring), and that most novices have a tendency to straight leg their kata. He also made it a great point to explain the logic of the waza in the kata and how the kuzushi is created. Other important details he talked about were that uke shouldn't be a limp noodle once his attack is over, that tori should keep good sabaki (unclear if sabaki was short hand for tai sabaki as he also stated tai sabaki on different occasions (the details were paraphrased by the translator)), and the usage of rotation from the hips to maintain proper balance (tai sabaki). Additionally, he talked about things relating to karada (the body) and some anecdotes (such as stories about judoka such as Michigami, Isao Okano, and Nagaoka if I was hearing correctly, though I don't speak Japanese, only somewhat familiar with it), which were left untranslated or paraphrased sadly.
Emphasised details in the kata (not explanations or descriptions of how to do a technique) and my experiences (FYI Sensei mostly used the Tomiki names for the waza Tori applied)
Attacks when held

1. Ryote dori - my partner and I (both new to this kata for the most part) went in on this one and struggled as we didn't see the detail of thumb in hand for the lock (blind leading the blind, though we later worked near a kind pair after this who helped check more closely as they were experienced in the kata)
   1. Yahazu (hook shape for hand) is very important to direct uke's arm
   2. You aren't pulling the arm away to free it, you are pushing your elbow forward which pressures uke's arm
   3. Te gatana to the uto (point between uke's eyes)
   4. When applying the lock (te gatame), make sure to rotate uke's hand such that the fingers are pointing up
   5. When applying the lock, take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
2. Hidari eri dori - I particularly liked this one, though my uke was confused the first few times as he kept trying to apply waki gatame.
   1. Tori must grab underneath uke's hand on the lapel when stepping back
   2. When grabbing uke's hand to break the grip and apply the lock (kote hineri), tori should have his thumb in between uke's thumb and fingers, and to take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
   3. Uke should try to maintain jigo tai rather than lean so the lock is applied cleanly
   4. Tori's hand should not be limp when delivering the strike
3. Migi eri dori - I couldn't get kote gaeshi to work properly, will have to practice and ask my sensei about it later, same with my partner
   1. Tori should maintain a upright posture as uke pulls him forward, and use the landing of his foot to drive his hand for the uppercut to uke
   2. Tori should try to keep uke's hand attached to his centerline as he makes tai sabaki
4. Kata ude dori - My uke was very stiff, so applying the initial lock to him proved difficult, though he claims he felt it. I found this kata easy to remember as the legs go left right left right (step, step, tai sabaki, kick, then lead with the right for the lock)
   1. You are kicking with the side of the foot
   2. The step before the kick pivot around so your feet are almost parallel
   3. For waki gatame, you should be standing inside his feet, near parallel to the line perpendicular to his feet
5. Ushiro eri dori - I had experience with this one as sensei had taught during some free time a while back
   1. The parry with the arm was stated to also be the preferred way to receive punches, though take that as you will (though it is a common method in karate as well)
   2. The strike should be to the suigetsu (solar plexus)
   3. Trap uke's hand with your head so that it can't wiggle all over the place when applying the lock
6. Ushiro jime - My partner and I both had a tendency to lift the shoulder off after spinning out, will have to work on that. I will be honest, had I known this escape, I probably would have come out of an incident a few years back (before I started Judo) rather unscathed as I was jumped and then kicked on the ground by a person who was quite a pain.
   1. The attack and initial defence are identical to that of katame no kata, following which tori rotates out
   2. Keep pressure with your shoulder until your grip has been changed
7. Kakae dori - We didn't have enough mat space to finish the throw without running into other groups, but the technique is surprisingly effective. Though I couldn't initially find out how to do the armlock and had to ask my sensei about it, now it's pretty easy.
   1. Rotate the arm away from you (clockwise from your perspective) and pull uke's arm into you
   2. During the initial stomp, straighten up and raise your arms to loosen uke's grip

Attacks when at a distance - I got less time to try these in general as I wanted my partner to get a feel for them as they are a bit more complicated and he is less experienced

1. Naname uchi - this was a fun situation, it shows how a little bit of atemi can be used to setup a randori waza, and Fukushima Sensei complimented my senseis' performance saying that it was better than the current text book
   1. Te gatana is used to redirect the strike
   2. Osoto otoshi is performed
   3. Pushing the arm through is important to create the kuzushi necessary for the waza
2. Ago tsuki - I didn't actually get a chance to try this one more than once as my partner struggled with it, he kept applying a shoulder lock by pushing on the elbow without the redirect with the thumb up (shoulder is still sore)
   1. when directing uke's attack up and away, do not lean back as then you are unstable
   2. Use yahazu to direct uke's elbow toward his ear
   3. As uke will not like this use the moment after releasing the elbow lock to throw him forward in the direction perpendicular to his feet.
3. Gammen Tsuki - My partner really liked this one, I can see the uses as I've used similar entries when messing around with strikes + judo with this partner as I have a bit of karate experience
   1. Uke is meant to do a break fall, thus tori needs to get out of the way after releasing the choke
   2. Uke should realistically be aiming for where tori's uto would be if he did not evade
4. Mae Geri - this was a relatively easy one to grasp, but quite a bit of practice is needed before a full force kick can be considered
   1. Rotate ukes foot outwards so that it is not easy for him to rotate in to escape
   2. In the original, tori would lift uke's leg high but many ukes ended up injured from hitting their heads, so now tori just pushes back
5. Yoko geri - My sensei has introduced this one at the dojo before as well, though he prefaced it with about a minute of just practicing a side kick. My partner (who suffers from light knee pain) couldn't kneel during the finish
   1. The use of the te gatana to redirect the kick in the direction it is going, very similar to karates low block
   2. During the finish tori creates a void for uke to be thrown but in real life tori would throw uke onto his knee

Attacks with weapons - I understand people dislike these (reasonably in some cases), but I've found them to be useful points to explore
Attacks with a knife - Sensei Fukushima mentioned how despite my senseis making it look easy
Both my partner and I have practiced these quite a lot (I was the only one who was taught it by sensei but we practiced it on our own time), so not as many personal notes. Though I don't have a good experience so my brain switches to serious and my heart rate increases despite the fact that I know these are fake weapons.

1. Tsukkake
   1. The elbow should be pushed forward (I've actually experimented with this in the past by asking uke to try to stab me as I applied the defence, and we've found after the initial push and strike, tori is in a relatively good position, be it to run away or finish the kata)
   2. Push the locked up arm up and towards uke, then guide him to the ground
2. Choku zuki - I struggled to apply the waki gatame, I'm guessing it was control of the wrist that was the problem, this form is relatively straight forward and makes sense
   1. The strike should not be a boxer style punch, but more like the first punch in szkt
   2. uke should not go limp
   3. when moving away from uke, take him perpendicular to the line between his feet
3. Naname Zuki - Personally I think this form is cutting it close in many regards, but the control tori has is quite surprising
   1. Don't grab the blade from the sharp edge

Attacks with a jo - PSA, no matter how much you trust your uke, mistakes happen (especially with such a solid weapon) so remain vigilant to mitigate damage

1. Furi age - this was a relatively easy technique to grasp as it is an application of O soto gari setup with a palm strike to the chind
   1. Tori should enter as soon as uke begins to raise his arm, almost a preemptive entry
   2. Tori strikes at the ago (chin) with a palm strike, then places his hand on the throat for the throw
2. Furi oroshi - My partner leant into the swing and wacked me on the forehead, it could've been worse but it just grazed the outer layer as I saw the jo come closer after my initial retreat and attempted to turn out of the way. Both a PSA for tori and uke. Tori do not keep your eyes off uke, and uke please don't lean into a swing, you are horribly off balance, and you make it harder for tori to read. Also uke don't speed up when you 2 are learning (I don't know why my partner chose too...)
   1. Do not hop back onto one leg and then towards uke with the other, it leads you to have bad posture
   2. Better to make a big retreat than get hit
   3. 2 strike, one ura ken (back fist), followed by knife hand push
   4. Uke's swing should be at a diagonal
3. Morote zuki - I didn't get to practice this one as my partner was taken a bit aback after the previous incident and couldn't get the steps right for this one. Fukushima Sensei mentioned something along the lines of how a judoka was faced with a juken and couldn't figure out what to do, and thus this form was created to address that.
   1. Tori shouldn't be rowing the jow away to shake throw uke
   2. The arm puts pressure on uke's arm forward
   3. Tori should be trying to angle the jo down towards himself after the initial grab

Attacks with a gun - I struggled with all of these, but I think the principles are relatively sound. Though in real life, I'd most likely give up my valuables. Fukushima Sensei emphasised hip rotation in these movements, as he says that you want to direct the gun away without moving your feet, which is what uke would be seeing when looking at your pocket.
Always make sure to begin your defence after uke is clearly focused on checking your pockets, never when his focus is directly on you

1. Shomen Zuke
   1. Grab the barrel of the gun thumb up
   2. During the disarm, push the gun's muzzle to face towards him
2. Koshi Gamae - I kept getting the second hand wrong and thus the barallel was pointed towards me in the final attack, will need to work on that
   1. Grab the barrel of gun initially with the thumb down with your right hand, and push the gun so that it is horizontal after turning left, then grab the gun from below with your right
   2. make sure to not point the gun at yourself when hitting with the butt
3. Haimen Zuke - this is quite a dangerous move in theory, but also one of the more likely ones
   1. Wrap uke's arm with your arm, but make sure to direct the muzzle up with the free arm
   2. [uke] should let go of gun, as this is a hard breakfall

Overarching and repeated themes in the kata

• The use of yahazu to direct the arm rather than grips
• Keeping uke's hand connected to your centerline when applying kansetsu waza
• te gatana is a useful tool to redirect and or strike the opponent quickly
• During the gun portion, always rotate the gun off your centerline, so that even if it does fire, it doesn't penetrate too deep
• Control the gun by the muzzle
• most finishes are done by guiding uke perpendicular to the line in between his feet
• Do not directly oppose an opponents force
• Maintanence of balance at all times and moving from the hips is key
• Uke should attack meaningfully
• Action reaction is used quite a lot to first lock uke up towards his face, so that when he pushes back he is easily lead away

Overall, it was quite a good event, and I learned a lot. This kata isn't the most realistic with the attacks (though apparently a few people I know have used the ryote dori attack shockingly), but what I've learned so far is relatively sound, hopefully some time soon I can convince my partner to do some live resistance sparring with some gear on (which I have done with the knife portion with a plastic knife). Fukushima Sensei had a lot to say, as he was actively discussing his experiences and koshiki no kata after the seminar with another Japanese speaker, and I hope to be able to attend another one of his classes again someday.
Here are some videos featuring Michio Fukushima from a few years back, both where he was actively demoing, and where he had a slightly more corrective position.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1253474818155243
https://youtu.be/VKgdMJS9eck?si=bGMemLfG9aquAHr1

First off I want to say I have been one of the defenders of the game, and I'm glad I was, because it's an excellent game now, and it's only going to get better.
The main controversy is of course, exploration.
It's controversial only because people expect certain things from a Bethesda game, like a dedicated world map to explore. And in this game which is brand new IP - there is no world map.
Let's just state that again, because as far as I can tell, it is not sinking in for most people.
Starfield has no world map.
Todd gave an interview recently (Kinda Funny) and Bryan gave an interview near launch (MinMax) and in both those interviews if you listen carefully they said what effectively amounts to exploration not being the priority with Starfield.
Procgen is side content. You are not meant to explore these generic procgen tiles as a replacement for the Boston Commonwealth or Skyrim. It couldn't possibly be that...
If you literally click a random pixel on a planet, generate the procgen tile, then go and painstakingly study every rock on that tile, there is a very good chance (roughly 100%) that you will get bored. Bethesda could not possibly have intended you to do that. My opinion is they let people think it was an exploration game because of corporate pressure from above, it's bad PR if Todd had outright said "it's not an exloration game - stick with Fallout if you want that."
So, if Starfield can be called an exploration game at all (and it's debatable) then here is my (possibly eccentric) interpretation of how exploration is supposed to be done. At this point, I'm going to sound a bit patronizing but I want to be clear I am not insulting anyones intelligence, I also want this to be a mini guide for newbys to the game so they don't get confused and disillusioned like so many have. Bethesda probably made the game too open, but as Todd said in his last interview (Kinda Funny) they "want the game to say yes to you."
Ok, so the main exploration in Starfield is done from the cockpit - except - it's actually done through the menu...
Yeah, you go to the Star Map, click on a random star and jump to it. From there you have a look in your System Map (one level down from Star Map) and you are looking for these little encounter markers on the map. There is a ship, asteroids, sensor contact, hostile activity... Possibly others, and no doubt more will be added. You then fly to it and have the encounter.
Also, if you look at planets and moons, notice some have three dots (...) on them - that means there is a POI on that planet pre populated for you to investigate. Sometimes it is a civilian structure (fracking, outpost), sometimes it is a structure defended by a hostile faction (abondoned weapons lab, etc). You then land at it, take a good look around at the lovely planet tile (and that's it... not spend 16hrs exploring...) go to your POI, murder everyone and go...
So, from that, you can say that it is primarily about space exploration which then potentially advances into on-foot exploration. This approach requires you to self-moderate your gameplay...
Look at it another way. I am not very knowledgable about Sci Fi generally but one show I have watched a lot was Star Trek Next Generation. I think Starfield gameplay is meant to flow like Next Generation...
Picard says "warp to..." there is a cutscene of the ship warping - another of the ship reaching it's destination... The crew member says "sir, our scans show..." - Picard says "hmm... let's investiate - divert power to shields..." cutscene of the ship leaving destination - and of the ship arriving at it's new destination with the encounter in front of them...
If they go down to the surface it's "beam me down..." then when they arrive, you take in the vista of the alien world - but only for a moment - not for 20 hours... otherwise it'll get boring... After they scan or shoot stuff, they say "beam me up" and they are back on the ship drinking boba tea.
So the procgen tile serves the following purposes, in order:
-Visual background for the poi you spotted from space.
-Area for you to build your outpost on.
-Area for surveying.-
-Area for random exploration.
So in my opinion people exploring the tiles were basically "playing it wrong." Now you could come back and say "ahh but Bethesda are the developer, it's is their job to guide the player, etc" I won't argue with any of that. The fact that there was so much controversy certainly implies that Bethesda did something wrong.
But let's look at what they did right? If you like exploring the POI's, and I consider them among Bethesda's best work. Then you can do the above method or even better, take the radiant quests from the Mission Boards and it actually tells you which POI the enemy is occupying. I have a spreadsheet and I'm working my way through the POIs. I take the bounty only if it is situated at a POI that I haven't visited or feel like doing. The POIs are incredibly well designed, in my opinion.
So with all that said, how do I think this system can be improved upon? And as I said, I reject the idea of the game being fundamentally broken - that is just people who wish it was Fallout 4 or Skyrim. They wish they were playing a different type of game. Well, God did not command Bethesda to make pure open-world exploration games centred on a dedicated world map. They made a different type of game, perhaps it requires a different mental approach... I admit, in order to enjoy STarfield I have to self-moderate my play a bit...
Ok, here are my suggestions.
1. Have a fixed position for all the POI's, spread accross the galaxy. So you can definitely find them all.
2. Give all POI's and varients unique names (not simply "Civilian Outpost").
3. Have a compendium, captains log, library - something, to chronicle your exploration.
4. Make it possible to grav-jump without entering the menu, with a hotkey - and be notified if there are encounters.
5. Make ship modules like brig and infirmary work, and fuel costs (already available via mods).
tldr; Starfield is not Fallout. If you are playing it like Fallout - you ARE playing it wrong.

Hear ye, the word which the LORD speaketh unto thee, O’ House of God. Thus saith the LORD, ‘you have learned the ways of the heathen, dismayed by the signs of heaven, just as the heathen are dismayed by the WORD of the LORD. For, your customs are in vain, as one cutteth a tree out of the forest, only to lay it waste. Behold, the workman of your house uses an axe, fashioning it in harlotry, decking it with silver and gold, fastening it with hammer and nails, that it moveth not. You claim to be upright, but speak not as such, your deeds are full of scorn, and you cannot enter MY HOUSE, ALL ISRAEL. You should be afraid, because you do evil in my sight, neither do you do good.’ There is no other like you my LORD, thou art great, and thy NAME is mighty. Who would not fear thee, Master of the Universe? There is no other like you. Neither king, queen, prince or pastor, for, they all fall short of thee, and the priest shall come unto me, and know thy WORD is LOVE. For, they are altogether, both pastor and priest, brutish and foolish, their doctrines are scorn and full of vanity. Silver is spread onto their plate, gold has become their entrails, crimson red, pale blue and leaven white is their clothing, and they are all working for cunning men, lying in deceit for riches and recognition. But, the LORD is the true GOD, for, He is living, an everlasting KING, and at His wrath ye shall tremble, and ye shall not be able to abide His indignation. Thus, even ye shall say God has made heaven and earth, but, ye shall perish from the earth, and from under heaven. For, He hath made the earth by His power, He hath established the world by His wisdom, and hath stretched out the heavens by His discretion. When He uttereth his voice, there is a multitude of waters in the heavens, and He causeth the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth, He maketh lightnings with rain, and bringeth forth the wind out of His treasures. For, His voice will shout, in the coming of our Lord, the WORD, Jesus Christ, a multitude of nations will hear Him, and He will cause those in folly, to descend to the depths of the earth, like ashes in a smoldering fire. The two horns will break, the false prophet is brutish in his knowledge of death, and every founder is confounded by the graven images they made, and the image of the beast is molten and false, for, there is no life in it, or them and the words they speak. They are vanity, the work of errors, for, their way has become desolate, and in the time of their visitation, they shall perish in their covenant made with death. The portion of God’s Son is not for them, neither from former nor new, did they walk the path of their inheritance, for, the LORD bears the Name of the righteous, a song they will hear no more. Gather up thy wares, inhabitants of Mystery Babylon. For, thus saith the LORD, ‘I will sling out the inhabitants of the land at this once, and will distress them, that they may find it so.’ Woe is me for my burden, my words bring me grief. For, she was once my place of refuge and calm, truly I am grieved, my GOD, but I must bear this burden in praise that I am saved. The church has been spoiled, cords have been broken and children have strayed, and they are not His anymore. The tent cannot be stretched, and the curtains have been drawn shut, none to enter forevermore. For, the pastors and priests have become brutish, and have not sought the LORD, therefore they shall not prosper, and all their flocks shall be scattered, from hill to mountain, valley and ravine. Behold, the Judge cometh, and a great tumult bear down on them, and in the far north country of the land, shall the Bride hide from the den of dragons, and be spared of the desolation to come. My LORD, the way of man is not himself, and the church has fallen prey to Satan, directing their steps. Correct me, my GOD, judge me, without anger, lest thou bring me to naught. For, you will pour out your fury on the harlot, and all the earth shall see, that you are the ONE TRUE GOD. Amen. Hear ye now, what the LORD saith, ‘come forth and come out of her my people, from the mountains and hills, valleys and ravines, hear my voice.’ Hear ye, kingdoms of the world, foundations of earth and sea, for, the LORD hath controversy with His people, they have become harlots in His sight, and He will plead to her for His Bride in violence and spoil. He saith, ‘O my people, what have I done unto thee? And, wherein have I wearied thee? You testify against me!’ For, He had brought you out of Israel, sent forth into the nations as a witness, redeemed by the blood of His Son, His servants have been wearied and worn in keeping you straight, but, you have digressed and adorned yourself with jewels and gems, gold with brazen silver and purple cloth, adorning yourselves like kings in place of the true living KING. Serving Baal cloaked in riches, consulting with demons in place of righteousness, your doctrines are but filth to Him, leaven in the lump as tears fall from the face of Jezebel. God requires, justice, love, mercy, humility and steadfast trust in His ways, but, you have treaded self-serving commandments of men, that bring desolation to His House. The nations hiss at you, and your love for them has been forgotten. The LORD is not pleased, and in His infinite wisdom, the rod of justice shall come down for correction, for, He hath appointed this, and the time is at hand. They will be measured for their wickedness they have brought into His house, and they are an abomination to Him, for, their scantness has polluted the whole body therein. The balance has been weighted towards harlotry, for, the body is made up of many members, and if one has become wicked, the whole lot is full of scorn and deceit. For, the rich men thereof are full of violence, and the inhabitants thereof have spoken lies, and their tongue is deceitful in their mouth, and the body must be made anew in violence and persecution. Therefore, the LORD will make thee sick in your sin, smiting them across thy foreheads and hands, desolation to come for the abomination you have brought into His house. Thou shalt eat, but not be satisfied, and the harlot shall be cast down in place of thee, delivered unto Satan by the sword of righteousness, the BRANCH. You shall reap what you have sown. He will remove the anointing oil from thee, no longer a sweet wine once poured on the altar of love, and thou shall thirst forevermore, for, the statuettes of the LORD shall remain, and the works of Jezebel shall be known to all the nations, because you have walked in her ways, and He will make thee desolate, as a reproach for His remnant to come. This is the word for the LORD.

Okay. So my bf and I have been together for about 8 years now (we started dating young) but we are both financially in a good place to move out together and are excited to do so. Since we started dating young it took some maturing and conversational development for us to get to where we are but, The vast majority of our relationship has been very happy and healthy, something most people around us can tell. I for one am very happy and from what I can see he is as well!
So we finally got a great apartment that we love. We have been looking for about a year and just fell in love with the place. We want a house as we know it’s a way better use of our money, however, we decided we needed to make sure we could live together first. It’s a big investment to make with someone you haven’t lived with.
We’ve been planning our move out for a couple weeks now and we have both been just over the moon! Feels like another honeymoon phase
And then there’s his mother
Okay listen. I understand that it is hard for a mom to say goodbye to her only son and that a sense of her may instinctively feel like I’m taking her away from him. And I can empathize with that! What I can’t empathize with is her putting ideas in his head and saying negative things about me or us to him when I’m not around.
She’s said things like “fucking (my name) ! Forcing you to move out! You clearly aren’t ready to! She’s pressuring you to move out! Why would you move into that area!”
He shut that down right away and told her he wants to move out with me and that we made this decision as a couple. If he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t have, and he knows that I was okay with waiting if he still wasn’t ready. We don’t have a bad home situation by any means but we want to live together. We feel ready for the independence and as two people who love eachother we want to see eachother every day.
We are 25 years old. Like it was starting to feel embarrassing to be honest. And we are both financially independent and very happy together. Sorry mama but it’s time!
I can’t really be mad at my SO at all, from what he told me he stood up for me and shut that down real quick. He empathized with my feelings and understood my anger. Love him for that.
However I still felt the anger that she’d say something like that. I’m eager to be a good SO to her son and she knows that I am good to and for him. But I don’t feel like I can or should step into this situation (it’s his responsibility to deal with and he knows it) so really needed a rant !
Do you guys think I should say something to her if this continues ? Or continue to let him handle it and stay out of it?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/

Patterns of Gender-Based Violence in Conflict-Affected Ukraine: A Descriptive Analysis of Internally Displaced and Local Women Receiving Psychosocial Services

Arbitrary Displacement Is a Structural Rot that Hegemonizes Economic Abuse and with it Economic Collapse
Checkpoints for the displaced showed the most violence, literally predating on women when they were the most vulnerable by armed men.
Almost 8% of violent incidents against displaced women occurred at checkpoints or at reception centers for internally displaced persons (IDP) and 20% were perpetrated by armed men.
Majority of Ukrainian female respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%)
A survey of internally displaced persons (IDPs) in Ukraine found that a majority of respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%), and only 22% held regular employment (Roberts et al., 2017).
Women fleeing violence are most likely to be exposed to sexually violent men exactly at the moments they were most expecting protection. This suggests a pattern of men who watch for the female victims of their enemies, and then violate them when they come to them, simply out of nationalist/ethnicist hate crime, with no care about their status as a victim.
Meta-analytic findings estimate a 21% prevalence of sexual violence among female refugees and IDPs (Vu et al., 2014).
A 2014 national survey conducted shortly after the start of the conflict found that 19% of 15–49 year old women had experienced violence since the age of 15 compared to 17% in 2007 (Martsenyuk et al., 2014).
Displaced women were more likely to experience sexual violence
Furthermore, we hypothesized that among GBV survivors: 1) proportionally more violent acts against displaced women would be non-domestic and associated with combat operations (i.e., demobilized and active governmental and non-governmental soldiers); 2) displaced women would be more likely to experience sexual violence than local women; and 3) patterns of reporting and referrals would differ depending on a woman’s residency status.
UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013) was used
The adaptation process followed the recommendations of the GBV-IMS Rollout Guidelines (UNFPA, n.d.) and the UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013), and entailed piloting the tool with several mobile teams and incorporating the feedback from the field.
Definition of internally displaced person
Ukrainian law defines an internally displaced person as “a citizen of Ukraine, a foreigner or a stateless person who is in the territory of Ukraine legally and has the right to reside permanently in Ukraine, and who was forced to leave his place of residence due to armed conflict, temporary occupation, widespread violence, human rights violations or emergencies of natural or man-made nature” (On Ensuring the Rights and Freedoms of Internally Displaced Persons, 2014).
Forced marriage with economic abuse followed with rape and sexual assault
Determination of GBV type was made by mobile team members using the GBV-IMS classification tool (UNFPA et al., 2011). The form instructs providers to select only one GBV type per case based on a series of questions asked in a specific order, as follows: 1) rape (if any type of penetration occurred); 2) sexual assault (if there was unwanted sexual contact); 3) physical assault (if there was physical battery); 4) forced marriage; 5) economic violence (in cases of denial of resources, opportunities, or services); 6) psychological or emotional abuse (if the incident involved insults, name-calling, and humiliation); and 7) no GBV (if none of the above). If, for example, a woman reported experiencing unwanted sexual contact, the provider would classify the case as “sexual assault” and continue to the following section.
One in five women who experienced violence were unemployed, showing these violent perpetrators may keep their victims from employment or sabotage their employment purposefully to put them in harm’s way.
More than one in five (21.6%) women who experienced violence were unemployed, with no differences between the groups. Overall, slightly less than one-third (30.7%) of the women engaged in unpaid labor such as elder and childcare, with significantly higher proportions among local women. Proportionally more displaced women had a professional occupation (24.6% vs. 20.0%, p<0.001).
78.3% of women reported that a man raped them. Half of the women reported psychologically abuse in addition, showing many rapists are psychologically abusive before and after as a tell-tale sign.
More than three-quarters (78.3%) of women reported that a man was the perpetrator. In nearly half of the cases, the perpetrator was an intimate partner (49.5%); and in roughly one in five (21.8%) a family member. Psychological abuse (48.4%) was reported by almost half of the women (See Table 2).
Compared to local women, proportionally more displaced women reported an incident of rape or sexual abuse (3.1% vs. 2.1%, p<0.001) or economic abuse (23.4% vs. 14.4%, p<0.001).
Gender based violence affects one million women annually in Ukraine
GBV is a grave human rights violation that affects an estimated one million women annually in Ukraine (Barrett et al., 2012). Social disruption and frail economic conditions in humanitarian settings further aggravate women’s vulnerability to violence, particularly for displaced women (Stark & Ager, 2011; Stark et al., 2017). This analysis supports our primary hypothesis that the experience of violence differs by survivors’ residency status. Specifically, we found differences in terms of relationship to the perpetrator, type of violence experienced and access to care between local and displaced women.
Checkpoints, or borderlines, nebulous zones of power shifts were huge points of violence to Ukrainian women, showing power shifts are often signaled by violence, especially to the most vulnerable.
Notably, 20.0% of displaced women in our sample experienced violence at the hands of armed men compared to 5.3% of local women. We also found that checkpoints between government-controlled and non-government–controlled areas and IDP reception centers posed a particular risk for displaced women in our study.
38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women, meaning people were actively preying on people who were displaced, not protecting them. This shows Ukrainian women are at huge risk of opportunistic rape by the very men pretending to be safe.
Whereas sexual violence was the least common type of reported violence, 38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women.
Ukrainian women come from a long history of corrupt police, so they did not report to the police because the police do not work for them and never have. That is not their fault; it is their country and area’s fault.
Studies in conflict-affected Ukraine found that a majority of survivors were unwilling to report GBV incidents to the police, particularly among internally displaced women (UCSR, 2018).
Because of this violence around the very people that were supposed to protect them, Ukrainian women are less likely to file a police report. Displaced women were even more unlikely. It is an intelligent decision to not have a faith that has been factually and with evidence violated repeatedly.
we found that displaced women were less than half as likely than local women to have filed a police report.
Younger women seek gender based violence services more than older women, showing Ukrainian women are often being targeted for their fertility and not receiving justice can help them remain to be seen as a fertility commodity instead of a human being, making European countries very wary of the nation seeing how their women are treated. Women's rights feature largely in European economic inclusion.
For example, among GBV survivors in Ukraine, younger women seek services for GBV more often than older women (41% of those aged 15–29 vs. 26% those aged 40–49) (Martsenyuk et al., 2014). Therefore, this analysis is not representative of all women experiencing violence.
Domestic violence within the ranks of the warring country increased during war for Ukrainian women, instead of coming together in solidarity and mutual support
Studies in complex emergency settings have found stigma among GBV survivors, normalization of domestic violence during times of conflict, unwillingness to report men living in the home for fear of forced military recruitment, and reluctance to involve law enforcement as major reporting barriers, especially among displaced women survivors of violence (Ager et al., 2018; Stark & Ager, 2011).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/

Before i start i know i am very stupid for the choices i made. I (26f) got married to my husband (30m) when i was 21 we met from mutual friends and i fell in love with him and it was a feeling ill never forget. He was an amazing guy until he wasn’t he was always very charming and people instantly liked him when meeting him. There is more details but i am going to try to sum it up. I worked a little after marriage than covid hit and i got pregnant with my first born. He took care of me financially always and assured me i dont need to work anyways. I was with him when he was struggling i never complained as a newly wed who barley got to spend time with her husband because i understood i never asked him to take me out or anything i stood by him and now hes very successful (ill get back to why i mentioned that later) my pregnancy was very stressful in my 7th month he hit me and i had bruises on my neck and face i dont even remember what the fight was about after giving birth i struggled alot i was 22 years old i kept finding porn and videos being sent between friends which i have seen before but it started to make me feel bad about myself which i have always been confident before him i told him it bothered me and it never stopped so now im 23 and insecure and i alter my body and do a procedure thinking that will fix things (as i said i know im stupid) he strangled me 2 months after giving birth to the point that i passed out and woke up he almost killed me i never told anyone. He kept saying hes changing and well work things out so i forgave him. My family dosent believe in divorce and as much support i have from them i don’t want to disappoint them. We did good for a little bit we moved to a bigger place and than we moved again to another bigger place that i am in currently. In between all of that there was stuff that i kept seeing that hurt me and bothered me but anytime i say anything he says its me who keeps digging which is true because i grew up having a father who cheated on my mom and i saw it first hand im not going to lie it traumatized me but i did not project it on him until after he started doing the things he did. Hes a very jealous person himself he always tried to control everything he hates that im good looking he tells me all the time he should have married someone “ugly” i do NOT dress provocative at all i barley show any skin but somehow EVERYTHING always leads back to how i dress and all our problems are my fault because of how i dress he says that when we go out men always check me out and it angers him even tho i am not showing any damn skin. Anyways mothers day 2022 he hit me again but he says he didnt but the bruises on my arms say otherwise i have pictures of it and it was bad he tried to throw me down the stairs i begged him not to. Sadly i still wanted to be loved i forgave him moved on he is would buy me gifts and cards and because im so stupid i believed he was sorry anyways now its 2023 and i find out im pregnant i didnt know how i felt my first born was lonley so i thought at least they will have a sibling.. surprise its twins and i knew im going to go through it i had the worse pregnancy i almost died i developed pre eclampsia and my doctor missed it i gave birth early my whole pregnancy i was alone i was so lonley just me and my first born i cried everyday husband was working so i couldn’t complain without it turning to a fight even though its his company and he could afford to have been there a little for me it is not 7 months after i gave birth physically i feel good mentally i dont he is never there for me as a husband i been telling him i feel like he’s just a roomate at this point we have no dates barley any intimacy which had been going on for years i know hes insecure and i never used it against him but he always would to me he hates now that i bounced back quickly and like to dress up again because the end of my pregnancy i was very swollen i was wearing all his clothes. I kept crying telling him i have needs just like anyone else i want to feel loved i dont want to live like this but anytime i say anything he says i complain to much now last week he beat me over nothing it was 60 seconds into a petty argument and he attacked me i packed myself and my 3 kids he watched me packing calling me names i left to a hotel for a night nd than my moms house he got backlash from both our families i ended up having to come home for the kids im miserable hes not sorry mothers day he barley acknowledged me But we spent the day and today any time we try to talk about anything he blames me.
I know im stupid i dont know how i can start over again i have 3 kids i am in the works of going back to school so when the babys start school ill have my career because i am financially dependent on him which is my fault i worked since i was 14 but he convinced me not to anymore My oldest loves their father so much it hurts me to put my baby through this drama There is soooooo much more detail and stuff to add Hes not the worse person i guess i bring out the bad in him when all i ever wanted was to be in a healthy marriage and give my kids what i didn’t have growing up
I dont know what to do i know i have to finish school so i can get a stable job but that means i have to stay and suck it up
I never wanted to be divorced but this marriage is over i always thought cheating was the only reason for divorce i am not in love with him but its so hard to let it go i never was like this i was so out going the life of the party i dont even recognize myself i feel so sad and depressed and alone i have the most amazing friends but i cant get myself to open up

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

As the title suggests I find it hard to be alone for extended periods of time now because there's a disconnect between my thoughts and my emotions. I'm pretty introverted and I used to love it. I would sometimes seek being alone and entertain my own thoughts for multiple days. But now its different.
For some background I got into a relationship with one of my most trusted friends and she leveraged my trust to love bomb and emotionally manipulate me. She knew I really value commitment and seriousness in relationships so she made extremely big verbal commitments (like love and marriage talk) early on (which would have alarmed me had we not already had a close emotional connection). Then one day she just told me she wasn't ready for a relationship, cut me off and villainized me to mutual friends who no longer talk to me. It took months of me defending her to my friends to finally come to the realization that she never actually cared about me not even when we were friends. The relationship was only 2 months but the friendship was so much longer and we live in the same dormitory so I see her quite often still.
Its been 4 months since we broke up and I feel like I've moved on but things are just different now. I cant be alone, and its not because I feel lonely I still very much desire to be alone frequently. My mind just tends to default to silly stuff like what I would say if she ever reached out or wondering if I did something or hoping she recognizes what she lost and tries to reconcile our friendship (which I valued much more than our relationship). But my rational mind knows she'll never reach out again. My rational mind knows I don't trust her enough to become friends again, my rational mind forgave her for what she did and moved on. But my feelings linger and resurface whenever I'm alone for too long. I tried offering a conversation and apology twice with no expectation for one in return and both times I was berated, called immature and self-centered. I'm just confused and feel like I'm missing something. And I feel like my emotions are detached from my mind which sucks because I feel like I used to have really high emotional control and emotional intelligence. Any suggestions on what I can do? It feels kinda pathetic being so uncontrollably hooked up on a girl I only dated for 2 months.

I have been developing a crush on my coworker M/28 since I started my new job. I find his personality, extremely luring and I can’t help but have fantasies about him and I’m not sure what to do. His personality is super attractive to me and I constantly find myself laughing when I’m around him. I’ve always been a person that make me laugh and he makes my work life so much better. I’m near 18 however he keeps giving me hints that he’s interested in me but set a semi-transparent Boundary with me about my age. Although we are constantly flirting, and he gives me rides home after work (late at night). I find him, his car and his personality super attractive, in my opinion he is model level. He has multiple piercings and tattoos that make me find myself even more lustful about him. He is constantly calling me names like sweetheart, darling and everything he does rubs me the right way. He had a huge doorless jeep and listens to the exact same music I love. I hate how much I fantasize about him and I am essentially wishing this man made a move on me. I understand it is wrong but I am having such hard times resisting any urges. If he did something I don’t think i would reject it, and that unsettles me. Everything about him is my exact ideal and my brain is going crazy with how much of a gentleman he is towards me. I really don’t like how i’m feeling but it’s like I have a middle school crush that I can’t contain. I’m not able to tell my friends in fear of judgement. He is so so attractive and flirts with me every time we have the same shifts. I am a waitress and he is our cook. I love everything about him and i genuinely want to kiss him, although i know it’s Inappropriate. Every day, it gets harder and harder to resist the lust. I came on here for advice and Unbiased experiences in order to try and draw myself away. Please help me, I have only ever had one boyfriend but have never felt this digustingly about anyone before. I normally turn down any advances from people and i’m not used to wanting to chase after someone so bad, all the movements, tone of voice, actions, and comments make me want to be close to him even more. I would consider myself an extremely attractive girl, which is why i think I got the job I have now, and is why he is showing so much interest in me. Please give any negative or positive experiences/opinions you have.

Hi everyone, I’m an undergraduate senior at the University of Vermont majoring in studio art and minoring in art history, graduating this December. I’m aiming to go straight for the PhD in art history (contemporary Latin American, Latin American revolutions, art activism, avant-grade arts) after graduating as I want to pursue a career in academia or maybe museums. I’m wondering what the likelihood is of getting accepted to these particular PhD programs, as they seem to encourage students graduating with a BA to apply and either offer an MA in route to the PhD or MA-equivalent prep; UNC, UVA (these are my top two), and a few of the UCs. I intend to apply to others but those are at the top of my list. I just have no clue where I stand among applicants and if I even stand a chance at acceptance.
These are my stats/qualifications:

• 3.7 GPA, Dean’s List
• Transferred to UVM after 2 semesters at Connecticut College (3.9 GPA)
• 24 credits in art history coursework
• Member of UVM’s Honors College
• Writing an honors thesis about the Nicaraguan Revolution; literacy crusade, poetry workshops, mural art, avant-grade arts, democratic pedagogy, art activism, post colonialism, etc…gave a talk on my research at UVM’s art history symposium
• Two 1-semester long teaching assistantships in introductory painting and introductory art history
• Research assistant to my thesis advisoart history professor
• Independent study in large format painting, with an emphasis on constructing and preparing my own stretchers/painting surfaces
• Elected representative for the studio art major; hosted program feedback forums, course registration advising workshops, UVM’s first student art market, and produced 2 group exhibitions
• Co-produced/curated 5 group exhibitions and one solo exhibition in total throughout undergrad
• 2 internships; website manager for Student Made Store (1 semester) and studio assistant for a local ceramic design LLC (1 year)
• New job at a custom frame shop and gallery; art handling, framing, hosting receptions for local artists

Any insight is appreciated! Thanks!

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

Hi everyone, I’m an undergraduate senior at the University of Vermont majoring in studio art and minoring in art history, graduating this December. I’m aiming to go straight for the PhD in art history (contemporary Latin American, Latin American revolutions, art activism, avant-grade arts) after graduating as I want to pursue a career in academia or maybe museums. I’m wondering what the likelihood is of getting accepted to these particular PhD programs, as they seem to encourage students graduating with a BA to apply and either offer an MA in route to the PhD or MA-equivalent prep; UNC, UVA (these are my top two), and a few of the UCs. I intend to apply to others but those are at the top of my list. I just have no clue where I stand among applicants and if I even stand a chance at acceptance.
These are my stats/qualifications:

• 3.7 GPA, Dean’s List
• Transferred to UVM after 2 semesters at Connecticut College (3.9 GPA)
• 24 credits in art history coursework
• Member of UVM’s Honors College
• Writing an honors thesis about the Nicaraguan Revolution; literacy crusade, poetry workshops, mural art, avant-grade arts, democratic pedagogy, art activism, post colonialism, etc…gave a talk on my research at UVM’s art history symposium
• Two 1-semester long teaching assistantships in introductory painting and introductory art history
• Research assistant to my thesis advisoart history professor
• Independent study in large format painting, with an emphasis on constructing and preparing my own stretchers/painting surfaces
• Elected representative for the studio art major; hosted program feedback forums, course registration advising workshops, UVM’s first student art market, and produced 2 group exhibitions
• Co-produced/curated 5 group exhibitions and one solo exhibition in total throughout undergrad
• 2 internships; website manager for Student Made Store (1 semester) and studio assistant for a local ceramic design LLC (1 year)
• New job at a custom frame shop and gallery; art handling, framing, hosting receptions for local artists

Any insight is appreciated! Thanks!