Here is the original post. Rather innocuous, it details a video Nerd City had made regarding the recent SSSniperwolf drama.
The OP OP started this chain of events by asking about the lore behind Nerd City, and why there is some animosity towards his channel.

Commentor 1: "I'm a bit out of the loop on Nerd City, what exactly did he do?"
Commentor 2: "All I'm familiar with is he got really into NFTs. He made a whole video talking about this huge NFT scam and how these guys were manipulating gullible people into buying low quality worthless crap, and then he ended it with, "And that's why you should all buy my NFT's, which are actually good because I'm definitely not scamming you."

Little did we know, this comment here had started a ticking time bomb. As if a Humvee driving through the deserts of the Arabian peninsula, unaware of what lurks beneath the sand, Nerd City stumbles upon this landmine of a comment 36 days later, and chaos ensues.

Nerd City: "Do you struggle with nuance in every subject, it's all just binary to you? What about genders, I bet you understand this spectrum, no?"

Completely incredulous to the fact that someone would reply to a pot 35 days stale, commentor 2 shares this embarrassing ordeal with youtubedrama. Now, everyone, grab your popcorn.
Some people can't even believe the entire ordeal is real

Link the post. Please. If this is real, genuinely sad to see. If you're reading this define Marxism genuinely wanna know what you're gonna say lmao
Its him. Doctor Downvote is an alias of his according to a Youtuber wiki. Link is here. Probably best not to poke the bear.
Oh, never. I'm more an observer type. But if he replied to a post that old, there's a non-zero chance he's searching for posts about himself specifically.

To say the bear had been poked would be an understatement. It seemed as if this bear had been stabbed. As if his name had been repeated three times in the dark, in front of a mirror, Nerd City is summoned to this comment section where he begins arguing with a subreddit of individuals seemingly genetically predisposed to suffer from a disliking of Nerd City.
While managing to call the entirety of the subreddit's inhabitants coordinating liars while simultaneously rejecting the claim that he is actively looking for content about him to complain about, Nerd City enters the playing field with this comment.

searched for a tweet about GoT I made and found this club of coordinating liars. I treat people how they treat me. If you’re respectful, I’m respectful back.

Some can't even believe what's happening and even concerned, and others are quite entertained

It genuinely is unhealthy behavior to respond to so many Reddit comments that are this old. Like, it suggests a deep seated issue when you lash out so aggressively at criticism like this. It lowkey makes me worried for your mental health if you’re this upset that ppl in a community disagree with you on something. I’d hate to see what happens if someone irl disagrees with you
Damn I just lost respect for you
Imagine being the guy who systematically destroyed Paul’s nft scam, and then just making your own. Gotta edge out the market, eh?

What kind of weird type of masochism is this? Too kinky for me bro
OP and friends speculate that Nerd City's erratic behavior may be due to unfortunate circumstances in his life.

I kinda don’t want people to argue with him, he might be going through a rough spot and I don’t want to poke the bear more than I already have. Now if he comes to this post and bitches, that’s just his fault, it’s fair game.
Yeah I can’t imagine this person is doing too hot in the other areas of their life if this is how they’re spending their time. Happy fulfilled people don’t do that. At least I’ve been told lol. Edit: oh I just realized that’s actually nerd city and not just some guy. I’d say my point stands even more in that case, I don’t know much about nerd city but no big YouTuber would be doing this shit if they weren’t like actively losing their mind.
He’s got a hot wife who helps him clown on instagram girls, you’d think he’d be living the dream life.
Does she come braless to give him sandwiches (not asked for) with chips as he gets a double kill bot lane tho?

The Bear responds to these accusations not with denial, but with a valiant effort to stand up for himself.

That’s true, but can’t I also defend myself against a mob of fibbers and jerks? I always punched back, this is normal for me when I’m active online.

OP responds by proposing an unheard of solution

Have you considered logging off?

One user speculates that Nerd City might delete his account following these recent events, to which he replies:

I’m not saying anything I would need to hide or delete. I’m on main and reading Reddit notifs while simmering at about 3/10 Annoyed. I’m not happy to read lies, and clapping back when people lie has become underrated IMO
Insane behavior is thinking you can lie in a public forum with other cowardly people tittering word salad exaggerations and not be held accountable. These threads are big enough now that I’ll keep coming and kicking your asses like my enemies until one of your mods starts censoring me.

In what appears to be one of the only comments featuring meaningful insight, there is to nobody's surprise no response from Nerd City

You put all your eggs in a hollow basket. You wanted the profits that came with branding/merchandising without any of the products for consumers; which sucks cause you clearly are someone who cares about their art and presentation with your upload frequency and quality of content. Sucks that it came at the cost of your sanity and creativity. You spent a year on some discount pop-art fit for 3.5g bags, on a quick bag that was late to the party.

When one commentor asks why Nerd City is in the comment section, he promptly responds with an answer.

I’m letting the liars know I found their little liar’s club. Holding it accountable, one might say\

One lone person attempts to stand up for Nerd City, upon which he immediately expresses gratitude

Why do people give nerd so much flack for the nft stuff, on the tbh podcast he seemed really genuine about the whole thing and said that it wasn’t a scam or anything they even had coffezila one an episode which would seem really stupid if nerd was actually scamming people
Thank you. Finally, a single brave person stands up and spits some facts.

The rest of the comment section legitimately just consists of back and forth discourse between Nerd City and other commentors that is basically just identical to what has already been displayed.
Potential flairs !!
If you're reading this define Marxism
He’s got a hot wife who helps him clown on instagram girls
Does she come braless to give him sandwiches (not asked for) with chips as he gets a double kill bot lane tho?
can’t I also defend myself against a mob of fibbers and jerks?\
I’ll keep coming and kicking your asses like my enemies until one of your mods starts censoring me.
I’m letting the liars know I found their little liar’s club
Having a zyn induced meltdown

I remember way back when we had "The General's Soul Reaper", this scythes battle effects were green and matched the Unholy aesthetic, so you could really go all in on your dumb little role-play.
But they removed that and no new weapon types added since have green effects
Sword: Blue, matches Ice magic
Reaper and Bow: Crimson Red, matches Blood magic
Mace, Whip, Crossbow(?): Light Yellow, matches Lightning magic. Crossbow is a maybe but its hard to tell
Slashers: Purple, matches Chaos magic
Axes: Red-Orange? Looks like fire, matches no magic
Spear, Greatsword, Pistols: Yellow-Orange, matches no magic
I can't see why those last 4 can't have their effects recoloured to match the spell types. Give Illusion Spears and Axes cause it goes with the whole "nature" vibe of those spells
Unholy gets Greatsword and Pistols
I know extremely minor complaint but its so cool when your entire aesthetic matches your castle and spells

Feel free to make art of these redesigns and give criticism of the designs
Redesigns: Heatblast Redesign: Sleeker with magma-like veins glowing beneath his rocky exterior. Equipment: Volcanic Gauntlets that enhance his fire abilities. Outfit: A flame-retardant suit with a core reactor symbol on the chest.
Diamondhead Redesign: Crystalline armor with reflective surfaces and sharper edges. Equipment: A crystal shield that can morph into different defensive shapes. Outfit: A suit with geometric patterns that shimmer with a diamond-like brilliance.
XLR8 Redesign: More aerodynamic with streamlined armor and a visor for high-speed travel. Equipment: Turbo boots that leave a trail of blue energy when he sprints. Outfit: A racing suit with a sleek helmet that has a retractable visor.
Fourarms Redesign: Bulkier with reinforced joints for extra strength. Equipment: Heavy-duty gauntlets that can smash through barriers. Outfit: A gladiator-inspired ensemble with a belt displaying his alien number.
Stinkfly Redesign: Brighter colors with translucent wings and bioluminescent spots. Equipment: A harness that helps distribute healing mist more effectively. Outfit: A lightweight suit that glows in the dark, highlighting his flight path.
Upgrade Redesign: Futuristic with a sleek metallic finish and circuit patterns. Equipment: A modular backpack that can transform into various tech gadgets. Outfit: A tech-suit that integrates with his body, allowing for seamless transformations.
Ghostfreak Redesign: More ethereal with a ghostly aura and chains that represent his phasing ability. Equipment: Ectoplasmic chains that can extend and bind enemies. Outfit: A tattered cloak that billows as if always caught in an otherworldly wind.
Snare-oh Redesign: Ancient Egyptian motifs with hieroglyphs etched into his bandages. Equipment: Ankh-shaped gauntlets that enhance his sand powers. Outfit: A pharaoh’s headdress that symbolizes his regal presence on the battlefield.
Frankenstrike Redesign: More industrial with visible bolts and conductive wiring. Equipment: A pair of Tesla coil shoulder pads that amplify his electric attacks. Outfit: A patchwork suit that resembles a mad scientist’s lab coat.
Eye Guy Redesign: Eyes of varying sizes with adaptive irises for different vision modes. Equipment: A visor that coordinates his eye beams for precision strikes. Outfit: A suit with lens patterns that focus his ocular energy.
Swampfire Redesign: More plant-like with vibrant green foliage and fiery red flowers. Equipment: Compost Gauntlets that enhance his regenerative abilities. Outfit: A botanical suit with leaf patterns and a fiery emblem on the chest.
Echo-Echo Redesign: Sleek and white with sound wave patterns across his body. Equipment: Sonic Amplifiers that boost his sound-based attacks. Outfit: A suit with a sound equalizer display that reacts to his sonic screams.
Humongosaur Redesign: Dinosaur-like with armored plating and a more pronounced tail. Equipment: Meteor Hammer fists that increase his smashing power. Outfit: A prehistoric-themed armor set with bone and rock elements.
Jetray Redesign: More streamlined with sharper wings and a jet engine-like back. Equipment: Aero Fins that improve his maneuverability in the air. Outfit: A flight suit with a sleek helmet and goggles for high-altitude visibility.
Big Chill Redesign: Ghostly with icy blue tones and frost-covered wings. Equipment: Frostbite Claws that leave a chilling effect on enemies. Outfit: A cloak that shimmers like thin ice and leaves a trail of frost.
Brainstorm Redesign: Brain-like patterns with neural connectors and a brighter shell. Equipment: Cerebral Enhancer that increases his psychic abilities. Outfit: A lab coat with a brainwave pattern and a utility belt for gadgets.
Goop Redesign: More viscous with glowing internal organs visible within. Equipment: Polarity Boots that allow him to stick to surfaces and maintain shape. Outfit: A containment suit that helps him keep form and focus his attacks.
Spidermonkey Redesign: More arachnid with additional eyes and spikier fur. Equipment: Web Slingers that shoot stronger and stickier webs. Outfit: A stealth suit with a spider emblem and grip-enhancing gloves and boots.
Loadstar Redesign: Magnetic with a core that glows when using his powers. Equipment: Gravitational Greaves that enhance his magnetic field control. Outfit: An armored suit with polarized plates that attract and repel metal.
Rath Redesign: Fiercer with more pronounced claws and tiger-like stripes. Equipment: Rage Amplifiers that boost his strength when his health is low. Outfit: A luchador-inspired costume with a mask that embodies his wild spirit.
Water Hazard Redesign: More aquatic with a sleeker, streamlined body and gill-like structures. Equipment: Aqua Cannons that can shoot high-pressure water streams. Outfit: A wetsuit with hydrodynamic patterns and a water drop emblem.
Ampfibian Redesign: More translucent with visible bio-electric currents flowing through his body. Equipment: Electro-Flippers that increase swimming speed and maneuverability. Outfit: A suit with neon trims that pulse with his electric charge.
Armodrillo Redesign: Bulkier with reinforced armor plating and drill bits. Equipment: Seismic Boots that enhance ground-shaking abilities. Outfit: A miner’s outfit with a helmet light and a rugged utility belt.
NRG Redesign: Glowing core with a more robust containment suit. Equipment: Reactor Gauntlets that can channel and shoot nuclear energy. Outfit: A radiation suit with a warning symbol and energy-absorbing layers.
Terraspin Redesign: Shell patterns resembling wind turbines and more pronounced fins. Equipment: Cyclone Discs that can be thrown to create gusts of wind. Outfit: An aviator jacket with a turtle shell pattern and wind direction arrows.
Clockwork Redesign: More gears and clockwork mechanisms visible with a timeless finish. Equipment: Chrono Keys that can unlock temporal abilities. Outfit: A steampunk-inspired suit with brass accents and a pocket watch.
Jury Rigg Redesign: More mechanical with tools integrated into his limbs. Equipment: Wrecking Ratchets that increase his dismantling speed. Outfit: A mechanic’s jumpsuit with patches and a tool belt.
Chamalien Redesign: More chameleon-like with adaptive skin that changes patterns. Equipment: Camo Cloak that enhances his stealth capabilities. Outfit: A suit with a chameleon scale motif that shifts colors with his movements.
Feedback Redesign: More electrically charged with pulsating energy lines across his body. Equipment: Antenna Arrays that increase the range and power of his electrical attacks. Outfit: A suit with circuitry patterns that glow with stored energy.
Bloxx Redesign: Modular with interlocking blocks that can reconfigure on the fly. Equipment: Building Bracers that allow for quicker construction of barriers and structures. Outfit: A construction-themed outfit with a hard hat emblem and utility belt.
Ball Weevil Redesign: Brighter colors with a more pronounced spherical body for rolling. Equipment: Plasma Cores that create larger and more potent explosive orbs. Outfit: A sleek suit with orb patterns and a visor that helps target his plasma globes.
Pesky Dust Redesign: Fairy-like with more delicate wings and a dreamy aura. Equipment: Dreamcatcher Net that can capture and amplify his sleep-inducing dust. Outfit: A mystical robe with star and moon motifs that enhance his magical presence.
Atomix Redesign: Radiant with a mini-reactor core and energy veins visible on his body. Equipment: Fusion Gauntlets that stabilize and focus his nuclear energy. Outfit: A hazard suit with a reactor symbol and protective plating.
Gutrot Redesign: Chemical tanks visible on his body with tubes connecting to his gauntlets. Equipment: Diffuser Mask that spreads his gases over a wider area. Outfit: A biochemical suit with a respirator and hazard symbols.
Whampire Redesign: More vampiric with bat-like features and a darker color scheme. Equipment: Echo-Locator Goggles that help him navigate and hunt in the dark. Outfit: A gothic cloak with a high collar and a clasp shaped like a bat.
Shocksquash Redesign: Bulkier with coils and capacitors integrated into his limbs. Equipment: Shock Boots that generate electricity with each stomp. Outfit: An electrified suit with lightning bolt patterns and insulated gloves.
Wildmutt Redesign: Enhanced sensory nodes and a more streamlined body for agility. Equipment: Sonic Collar that amplifies his roars and tracking abilities. Outfit: A sleek suit with padded armor to protect while maintaining flexibility.
Grey Matter Redesign: More pronounced cranial features and brighter skin to highlight his intelligence. Equipment: Quantum Computer Backpack that assists with hacking and strategy. Outfit: A miniaturized lab coat with various gadget holsters.
Ripjaws Redesign: Sharper teeth and fins, with a bioluminescent glow for underwater combat. Equipment: Aqua Jetpack that allows for swift movements in and out of water. Outfit: A reinforced diving suit with pressure resistance for deep-sea excursions.
Cannonbolt Redesign: A more aerodynamic shell with reinforced plating for rolling attacks. Equipment: Momentum Wheels that increase speed and control during rolls. Outfit: A racing stripe motif with impact-absorbing materials.
Wildvine Redesign: Thicker vines and a broader range of plant-like features. Equipment: Photosynthesis Boosters that enhance healing and growth abilities. Outfit: A botanical armor set with leafy camouflage.
Spitter Redesign: More pronounced glands and a wider mouth for his spitting attacks. Equipment: Hydration Pack that keeps him primed for slime production. Outfit: A moisture-retaining suit that helps in slime regeneration.
Buzzshock Redesign: Brighter electrical arcs and a more compact body for zipping around. Equipment: Static Amplifiers that boost his electrical output. Outfit: A suit with conductive pathways that glow with stored electricity.
Blitzwolfer Redesign: More pronounced fangs and claws, with a darker, more intimidating appearance. Equipment: Lunar Lenses that enhance his night vision and howling range. Outfit: A tattered cape that billows as he moves, adding to his fearsome presence.
Upchuck Redesign: A wider mouth and a more robust digestive system visible on his belly. Equipment: Digestive Accelerators that allow for quicker consumption and energy conversion. Outfit: A suit with reinforced areas around the stomach to handle his expansive appetite.
Ditto Redesign: Brighter colors and more expressive faces to differentiate his clones. Equipment: Cloning Belt that enhances the stability and independence of each clone. Outfit: A uniform with a number system to keep track of his duplicates.
Waybig Redesign: Cosmic patterns on his skin and a more imposing stature. Equipment: Stellar Stabilizers that help him maintain balance and leverage his size. Outfit: A suit with celestial motifs that reflect his cosmic origins.
Arctiguana Redesign: Icier appearance with sharper spines and a more pronounced frill. Equipment: Cryo Converters that enhance his ice beam’s freezing capabilities. Outfit: An insulated suit that protects him from overheating and helps focus his cold powers.
Chromastone Redesign: More prismatic with a crystalline structure that refracts light. Equipment: Prism Gauntlets that enhance his energy absorption and refraction abilities. Outfit: A suit with angular, reflective panels that mimic his crystalline form.
Alien X Redesign: Cosmic and ethereal with starry patterns that shift and change. Equipment: Celestial Scepter that focuses his reality-warping powers. Outfit: A robe that seems to contain a piece of the universe, complete with twinkling stars.
Nanomech Redesign: Sleeker with more advanced nanotechnology features. Equipment: Micro-Assembler that allows him to construct various devices on the fly. Outfit: A tech-enhanced suit that adjusts to his size changes.
Fasttrack Redesign: Streamlined with aerodynamic features for enhanced speed. Equipment: Velocity Vambraces that boost his speed and agility. Outfit: A racing suit with dynamic lines that glow when he accelerates.
Eatle Redesign: Bulkier with a reinforced exoskeleton and sharper mandibles. Equipment: Digestive Reinforcement Belt that aids in processing consumed materials. Outfit: A utility belt with compartments for storing consumed materials.
Gravattack Redesign: More planetary with a core that glows like a molten core. Equipment: Graviton Anchor that helps him control his gravitational fields. Outfit: A suit with orbiting bands that represent his control over gravity.
Crashhopper Redesign: More insectoid with enhanced leg hydraulics for powerful jumps. Equipment: Impact Dampeners that protect him during high-velocity landings. Outfit: A suit with spring-loaded accents that highlight his leaping abilities.
Walkatrout Redesign: More amphibious with sleek scales and a streamlined body. Equipment: Aqua-Dynamic Fins that improve his swimming and maneuverability. Outfit: A wetsuit with a slippery surface to aid in evasive maneuvers.
Molestache Redesign: More distinguished with a larger, more versatile mustache. Equipment: Mustache Combs that can be used as weapons or tools. Outfit: A Victorian-style suit with a bow tie and a monocle for a touch of class.
The Worst Redesign: Tougher looking with visible scars and a more rugged appearance. Equipment: Resilience Amplifiers that make him even harder to take down. Outfit: A battered suit that looks like it’s been through many battles.
Kickin Hawk Redesign: Sharper talons and more pronounced feathers for a fiercer look. Equipment: Talon Enhancers that increase the power of his kicks. Outfit: A martial arts gi with feathered accents that flutter as he moves.
Toepick Redesign: Darker and more ominous with a face that’s hidden until revealed. Equipment: Fear Inducers that amplify the terror he instills in enemies. Outfit: A cloak that shrouds him in mystery, only opening to unleash his frightful visage.
Astrodactyl Redesign: More alien with wing membranes that glow with cosmic energy. Equipment: Jetpack Harness that enhances his flight and energy projection. Outfit: A suit with aerodynamic features and a helmet with a visor for space travel.
Bullfrag Redesign: More muscular with amphibious traits and a tougher skin texture. Equipment: Strength Enhancers that boost his physical prowess. Outfit: A tactical vest with various pouches for carrying mission essentials.

Yes, I had a lot of time. I originally played this game when it launched during the pandemic and stopped at 1k trophies, and picked it up again ~3 years later. I want to share my thoughts about the last ~15 days while it's still fresh and answer any questions people might have.
I have a 43% win rate in 3600 BR games, and 300+ games with each of the following heroes: Angel, Bastion, Blizzard, Blot, Cyclops, Ghost, Levi, Lynx, Ramsay, Raven, Sparkle, Vi. I have the most fun with Angel, Raven, Ramsay, and Lynx.
I've unlocked every hero except Alice, paid for Blizzard and Vi. I have a full pg set and two skins waiting for when she arrives.

Trophy Tiers

Broadly speaking, the percentage of poor players decreases as you gain higher trophies. Being completely honest, I saw a bunch of mistakes made by enemies, teammates, and myself at 9k trophies. At 10k+ trophies, most of the mistakes I see are my own.

Low Tier: <3k

I have a second account on an old phone at this tier that I use to play under powered / rarely used heroes in casual games. It's mostly bots and occasional humans with rudimentary gameplay.

Mid Tier: 3-7k

People are still misplaying all the time, but in general are improving and trying to coordinate as a team. Pickup teams are pretty easy to create and people are generally pretty friendly. Honestly, I probably had the most fun at this tier since I enjoy playing the game casually with a variety of heroes and different team compositions (vs trying to win all the time).
There's still plenty of bots in offpeak hours.

High Tier: >7k

This is the first tier where it starts to get competitive. Relatedly, this is also the first tier I started seeing bad manners and griefing.
Early on when I was around 2k, I teamed up with some high trophy players and played in 10k games. That's when I learned first hand how much faster and aggressive the game was. On certain maps (Bank, Village, Hotel), fights will often initiate after picking up ~2 items.
As for bad manners, I'm used to it from playing plenty of other online games but enjoyed the fact that Bullet Echo largely doesn't have it. However at 7k+, now you get a lot of people bm'ing when they kill you, if two people fight over an item, etc. It most commonly manifests as sprays/stickers, but also a lot of head shaking and the occasional teamkill grenade for taking "their" item.
Pickup teams are a lot more mercenary. People join up, and if the team loses 1-2 most will leave; there's little to no chat banter anymore. If someone misplays a few times, they often get kicked from the team, the team is disbanded, and/or they get defriended. This, uhh, has totally never happened to me.

10k

The "end game." Heroes' power typically ranges 1650 - 2200 (Ultimate level 70 to Divine). There's relatively few bots during peak times.
The games are fast and brutal, and any small mistake is quickly exploited. My winrate has dropped significantly even when playing my better characters, but I'm learning. Pre-10k, I'd typically open 3x battle and skull chests under 30 minutes. Now, opening battle and skull chests has become significantly harder.

Bravery Road

I don't have any experience with this tier since I lack Divine heroes. Others have shared that it's mostly full of bots.

Heroes

Tier List

This is based on 9k+ trophy BR in the hands of a good player:

• S: Vi, Lynx, Mirage
• A: Blizzard, Ramsay, Raven, Dragoon, Angel, Freddie, Arnie
• B: Firefly, Shenji, Ghost, Alice, Leviathan, Hurricane, Satoshi, Sparkle, Tess, Levi
• C: Blot, Bertha, Doc, Cyclops, Slayer
• D: Bastion, Stalker, Smog

Bastion

Bastion is great for bot farming and low / mid tier gameplay, but is easily outplayed in 7k+ games. I had a bunch of Bastion friends that I invited to 7k+ games and they've always left after a few games due to being outplayed.
Outplaying Bastion is usually done through kiting or baiting and flanking with teammates since their range is too short and movement speed is too slow. Bastion (and Blot to an extent) is outclassed by more mobile shield heroes: Angel, Hurricane, Satoshi.
Leviathan gets a special call out since his turret is great for zoning and has extended spray that can be abused to hit behind walls.

Grenade Users (Firefly/Shenji/Sparkles/Freddie)

Pre-10k, most of these are terrible nade spammers hoping to get an easy kill. I've seen so many Firefly users use more nades than bullets in a round, adding little value chucking nades into thin air. Shenji users, please use your nades to zone the enemies and less about trying to kill them. Also stop burning the grass because you can, especially when you're up against snipers.

Vi

My win rate with Vi is significantly higher than the rest of the field, which shows how broken she is. Even in 9k+ games, the winning team usually has at least one Vi. I think she needs to be nerfed, and she's my most played and highest leveled character (Stellar).
I also have some bad experiences after teaming up with a bunch of Vi-only tryhards (about 6-8 different teammates for 5+ games each). They're generally incredibly aggressive and good at racking up a high kill count, but often lack map awareness or team dynamics (besides spamming, "Let's go!").

Tips

League

Climb as fast as you can, as high as you can since you get more loot per chest depending on your league level, and streaking gets harder the higher you climb in trophies. Bot farming (read below) is the easiest way to streak games and hit the next league level.
I think there is an argument to be made about staying in purple 1. I found it significantly easier to win most of the contracts at purple 1, but I was grouped with all the other grinders once I hit purple 2. This may or may not be a red herring.

Spending Money

Contracts

• 7 day contract hacks (and assuming you have enough time to grind) is the most effective use of money.
• Consistently winning the 21 hr contract for 300 jokers is paramount.
• 3 hr contract (particularly in off hours) can be pretty easy to win for 20 jokers.
• Read the contracts carefully. Often you can use a hero to progress against 2 or more contracts simultaneously.
• Bot farming and SvS is usually the easiest way to quickly get contract points.
• Ghost in KOTH is a great way to grind "The Collector" contract.

Star Pass

• I don't mind spending $15 to get the new hero via the base pass, but I don't think the premium pass is worth it.
• I didn't get tiers 2 and 3 for Vi but still got her to Stellar with a lot of grinding via contract hacks and jokers.

Technology

It's $10/mo. You get a random hero motivated and 8 drone plugins (2 of each color) per week, and 10 tech tokens/day. 70 tech tokens/week is enough to get drone blueprints, 2xpersonal gears boxes, some squad gear, 500 nuts, and 5 costume tokens. Also your name is highlighted in gold.
I think it's great for the first month or two for the personal gear and drone parts, but not sure if it's worth keeping afterwards.

Bots

Recognizing bots means you can adapt your strategy when playing with and against them.

Identification

Pre-game

• in the same bot syndicates: CCCP, Botsavethequeen, Botdamnit, 486DX, etc
• are listed after human players
• don't have drones
• never play as the newer characters: Blizzard, Vi, Shenji, Ramsay, Lynx, Tess

You start recognizing the bot names after a few hundred games.

In game

• immediately opens chests
• goes in a straight line while swinging their flashlight, humans tend to run with their flashlight facing forward except when checking corners
• doesn't use any abilities

Farming (BR, SvS, sabo, koth)

Bot farming is a great way to hit the streak for a league jump or grind for festival tokens.
I find sabo, SvS, and sometimes arcade in offpeak hours (or other region's servers) the easiest modes for bot farming.
Generally bots will collect a few items and start roaming looking for enemies. If a firefight ensues, the bots will start swarming towards noise like zombies.
The best characters to farm bots are those that can do a lot of damage without taking any themselves. Since bots will run in a straight line towards you, assault rifles and snipers excel at bot farming.
Recommended heroes: Bastion, Satoshi, Blot, Hurricane, Levi, Firefly, Blizzard, Cyclops Not recommended: Ghost/Stalker (bots are not affected by cloak), Slayer (fire rate is too slow), SMG users (can't reload fast enough when swarmed)

As teammates

It sucks to get bots as teammates, but if you understand their behavior you can take advantage of it to try and win the round.

• don't get sucked into unnecessary fights, let them die and don't bother reviving
• use them as dumb scouts to flank the enemy
• treat the round as a training exercise on how to win one-vs-many fights. It'll happen more and more often as you climb trophies

Drones

• medpro is great for tanks, assault rifles, and attacking SMGs (Angel, Alice, Freddie, Ghost)
• zenith is great for snipers, Raven/Ghost, 10k+ games
• guard is useless except for the occasional ability to zone enemies

Zenith gets increasingly valuable in 7k+ games as you never have time to revive and/or enemies will camp dead bodies. Zenith's ability to revive through walls can also be exploited.

In game tactics

This is already a long post, so I'll brain dump common improvements / mistakes that I come across. Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

• Don't be greedy and go after risky upgrades. More often than not you're going to get sucked into an early fight. Even if you win that one, you'll quickly get swarmed by bots and/or other teams. It's not worth losing a round because you might get a purple upgrade.
• Don't be greedy for early ammo and upgrades. In 7k+ games, fights can/will happen by the time you've picked up 1-2 items. Taking multiple ammo means losing an effective teammate that can shoot a weapon. If you're a low ammo user (e.g. Vi, Slayer, Bastion), opt for a 2x or 3x ammo pack and leave the 4x ammo pack for high ammo users (e.g. SMGs, assault rifles). Leave and ping optimal upgrades for teammates. This means reserving scopes for snipers, armor for machine gunners, extended magazine for SMG/shotgunners, explosive ammo for DPS.
• Shotgun users should heal at spawn and save the armor pickup for others.
• Generally stick together as a team.
• Don't follow suiciders (bots/humans) and get sucked into unnecessary fights, preferring to fight 2v3v3v3. Yes this conflicts with the above bullet point.
• Learn the map. This means knowing where are the spawns, purple chests, hot zones, and choke points. This means you can anticipate where you'll need to slow down and prepare for a fight (e.g. early game near purple chests). In low/mid tiers, human teammates often run straight for a neighboring spawn while completely ignoring the safe purple chest right behind them because they run straight ahead in the direction they were facing when spawned. I find it easiest to familiarize myself with maps by using heroes with high vision like snipers (particularly Lynx) and Raven.
• Develop map awareness. You can tell who is left based on the gun sounds and the weapon in kill notifications. Generally avoid fights with many teams remaining, and go after the last two teams as they're fighting. If machine gunners are remaining, try to find open spaces. If snipers are remaining, try to initiate fights near corners and obstacles. In low/mid tiers, human teammates will often emulate bots and run straight towards the fight with a complete lack of map awareness.
• Good Shenji users use grenades to zone enemies rather than outright damage. Bad Shenji users kill their teammates / prevent them from being useful. If you're playing with a Shenji teammate, expect that they're going to nade everything and act accordingly.
• Tess users should try to use the lightning ball judiciously against enemy shields or to zone, and not disable their teammates' shields and abilities.
• Cyclops/Raven users should not spam their skill early game, and used selectively late game. It gives away your position and in high tier games only invites unwanted attention. Learn to use scan offensively and defensively when appropriate. At higher trophies, it can be used as a feint for an invasion or to lure enemies into a trap.
• SMG users should use stimpacks offensively rather than only to heal.
• There is a time to initiate and time to fall back. In early/mid tiers, people need to learn to retreat more often (and communicate it to their teammates). I wish I had more actionable advice, but I can tell when a fight was initiated well or poorly. Don't attack that unsuspecting enemy just because you can, but attack if it's the right time to do so.

tldr

I thoroughly enjoyed playing Bullet Echo, bots and all.

I had a dream probably 12 years ago that I’ve never forgotten, during one of the darkest times in my life when I was scared I’d fail in life
The dream began in a volcanic Ashland where I was traveling with a ragtag band of refugees trying to escape some horrible volcanic event or maybe even super volcanic event, so we were all journeying through this grey valley flanked by ashen mountains with a few distant volcanoes, I was the leader of this group and they were depending on me to hopefully guide them to survival.
We came to a huge obsidian temple structure and it was built onto the valley wall so we had to climb it to ascend out of the valley, so we entered. But the building had an ominous energy like something dark was sleeping inside of it.
Part of the way up, a young boy in my group was running ahead even though I told him to wait and tried to run after him, but as happens in dreams my legs were like lead and I couldn’t keep up. I had this growing sense of dread.
Then the boy slipped off the edge over an overhang and as I looked down after him he plunged into a lava pool, burning to death. My sense of dread didn’t go away it only increased. Somehow I knew (maybe because it was a dream made by my own mind) that that wasn’t the only horror that awaited us in here, this place wanted all of us not just the boy.
That dread manifested as the boy came clawing his way out from the lava pit and let out a horrifying cry like a nazgul or a ghoulish undead, with his flesh bubbling and dripping off of his bones in places he began sprinting with inhuman speed back towards the entrance of the obsidian temple he had fallen from, right back into the entrance.
My band of refugees began panicking, torn between the anguish of watching the boy die and the horror dawning on them of what he had become- a monster- and why he would come sprinting back into the temple some floors below us.
We all heard the inhuman commotion as his undead body slammed into corners, so great was his speed, and we all realized rather abruptly that he was closing in on our group.
I urged the group to begin climbing the stairwells that wrapped around the precipices of this obsidian temple, up towards the valley wall. We had only one possible escape: somehow reaching the top and whatever salvation waited for us up there from the desolate volcanic wasteland and the undead monster that had once been a little boy. So we all begun to sprint, but we were slow.
some of the refugees had bags, some were elderly men and women, it began to dawn on me that we had no hope to escape as i heard the monster closing in from below. I turned to confront him, readying to fight with no weapons.
When he emerged he looked at me with his ghastly skull shining through his melted off face and he spoke and said "You did this to me so I will punish you by making you live while your people die." And he ran past me with superhuman speed and tore into my group, beginning to butcher these weak powerless refugees even as I tried to fight him, plead with him, even as I tried to urge them to keep running, he eventually killed every last one of them with his long ghoul clawed skeletal hands.
"Im sorry." i said to him. "Im sorry i let you become a monster." and he just smiled back at me and stepped off the ledge, plunging again into the lava, this time to rest eternal, but the carnage of my mangled people now lay all around me, and still the black obsidian stairway beckoned, leading up into the tallest passes of the ashen mountains where smoke and fog obscured the path, I had nobody left and nowhere to go but up.
So i went up. Up, up, up through winding valley corridors of sheer black jagged rockfaces, ascending thousands of steps until the atmosphere seemed thin and the night stars shone from above, the distant red glow of the lava flows fading to a dull reminder of the carnage i was leaving behind me.
eventually the climb slowed but the path continued and the stairs began to turn downwards, the rock walls opened up into a dusty grey plain of old ash that had blown here from distant eruptions in the ashlands below, but it was cold up here and dark, and the fog parted and i saw in the distance a structure, not ominous and unnatural like the obsidian temple but a human structure, a distant farmhouse, but I had a feeling when i looked down the winding stairs at this house like i was looking into the blackness of a night that has a rapidly approaching tornado, totally invisible, the sight of this farmhouse gave me a sense of existential dread greater than even the obsidian temple had inspired. But i knew i had to keep going forward anyways. So, with despair in every step, i put one foot infront of the next and kept walking.
As i approached the house I realized its scale, it was not some small farmhouse, more of a manse, and the stairs on this path led straight to its roof where the stairs that had once led down from its top were gone. There was only a gaping black hole in the roof, my only way forward was into this abandoned structure, so with a heart full of fear i lowered myself down into pitch blackness.
I found myself in an ash flooded attic full of furniture like old spinning wheels and some misshapen objects with soot stained sheets over them, the room was so very cluttered with dillapidated old stuff that i could hardly navigate it. I kept bumping stuff then I froze, because on thr far side of the room i saw a sillouhette standing motionless. A feminine sillouhette that seemed like it moved slightly as I brushed against an old desk, causing a noise.
As she reacted, she turned towards me and I saw her face, and her mouth hung open, her jaw split in two, one half dangling and the other holding a malicious grimace.
She moved like a squid striking out from inky blackness at its prey, lifting up off her feet and drifting rapidly to me, her mangled jaw soon centering around my field of view as her face filled my vision and she grabbed the sides of my head, talking to me
"You have to pay for what he did to us, you have to see it all"
And she entered me, i just remember at this point in my dream my vision was full of motion, like she had possessed me and was flying me through the pages of her own history book, in a misty ashen blur of colors and shapes i found myself chopping wood in a dark forest with green leaves around, when a rage filled every fiber of my being and i turned towards a tent, gripping my axe as i swung it through the fabric, turning it on my first wife (in my dream i understood this to be the vision of the woman's husband when he murdered her with his axe) and splitting her jaw and head open rather than any log
I was crying abd begging to be left alone and allowed to leave when we swirled back into the attic, and the ghost was standing right there with inhuman stillness, i couldnt look away from her mangled face as she said "now you know what he did to me…" and she slowly disappeared into a small mist
I was deeply disturbed and crying and disoriented as i looked around the attic and saw a small wooden panel with some grey filtered light showing through it and i went that way, but as i did another ghost of a different women, her neck angled violently screamed at me and grabbed me and possessed me, now I was her husband, the same man with his second wife wringing her neck as she turbed blue
In this manner a series of murdered women ghosts possessed me, forcing me to witness their deaths from the poijt of view of their killer, all killed by the same horrible man in different violent ways, in total 7 stories of 7 murders of 7 dead wives, and each one whisming me to another part of this forsaken farmhouse where they had lurked waiting for whichever man was unlucky enough to enter this cursed homestead
My experience dreaming this was mostly an unsettling amount of vertigo during the dream and images of violence and these ghastly faces of ghosts filling my vision before flying me to another room where another ghost would stand motionless waiting to possess me, the entire time i felt like i was crying and falling from a very extreme height
Eventually though the last ghost released me from her possession and i stood in the kitchen room where she stood with me, her face blue from drowning in a bath tub, and she smiled at mr and spoke more gently than thr others had, she reached to take my hand but when i flinched and screamed she dropped her arm back down to her side and just smiled sadly at me
"Thank you"
And she and all other ghosts were gone and it was just me alone in this forsaken manse's kitchen, and i heard a sound i never expected, trickling water. So i walked towards it and found a back door on the ground level which opened easily, and i stepped outside and saw some white, ash-filtered sunlight and a sight that took my breath away, about 300 yards away was a running river with lush green trees and plants and a thundering waterfall, and i knew that my trials had passed as i walked out towards the end of the ashlands with my boots squishing in fertile muddy soil, and i woke up completely drenched in a puddle of my own sweat

I believe im under serious spiritual attack I've been betrayed framed blamed falsely accused stolen from attacked hacked and anything u can think of ..but first ill explain a bit about me ..I'm 38 male and I live in Canada ..so looking back I can see that there was many times i was unjustly betrayed and always seemed to happen when I was vulnerable .for some reason I could only fall asleep late and suffered from sleep paralysis since I was little.. looking back this caused alot of problems with everything leading me to not do well in school but always felt like I don't understand I'm a good person I'm socially intelligent and can fix just about anything I always put myself last and remember spending alot of time being more excited about helping ppl get what they want and just overall assisting everyone but myself ..I don't know if this is relevant but moving on I would sometimes pray as a child and this I'll never forget while praying one night a crude immoral thought was almost pushed into my head ..it wasn't anything I was capable of thinking or understanding.it was vile to say the least and directed at someone who was the closest living being to an angel that a human could be ..now later in life I see it for what it was ..anywho fast forward things were normal or what I thought would be normal but as I got older the pressures of maturing and me not having the life skills/opportunitys I would lose jobs i would get fired for bullshit reasons or but mainly cause of my own choices but I came to a point where I found myself isolated and at that time no matter what I did there would be something or someone and I even said to myself ..I swear it's like there's an unseen force manipulating everything shutting every door on me it became more than coincidence and that went on for a year and it caused me to become sad about my situation and one day I was supposed to go to work but the guy never showed up when he volunteered to pick me up ..I needed to work cause I had nothing i had enough I started crying and openly ask God to help me from the deepest part of my heart ..this is where my whole understanding of the world changed ..I felt like I was becoming claustrophobic..and then I heard bells from the churnh down the street but it was so loud it was like the bells were in my room with me ..I felt I had to get up so I went down to the half set of stairs and did a circle in the living room ..and went back up to the room at the top of the stairs I stopped cause I felt something that I could only describe as being near radiation or something ..if uve ever taken a hot to the head that bright purple u see with brightwhitelight almost vibrating me with pins and needles behind me I didn't turn around its like I wasn't suppised to but in a knowing I felt a hand reach out and touch my sholder and i tecieved a msg and i knew who it was ..the msg was clear I may have even spoken it tto myself it said yours is a hard life but you will be ok or something to thst extent. i feel like another msg was inside that msg or that I had to pay special attention to the me part like as in it's I'm set apart or singled out that no one will help me it's my hard life and mine alone but ending the msg with I'll be ok I knew that this being is the final word and he knows exactly what will happen with me and confirmed I'll be ok through anything ...the fuzzy purple warm radiation seemed to back up and out back towards the stars the way he entered ..I was crying I've never cried like that before and I was a bit hysterical to be honest everything came back to normal. this experience changed my life I wrote it down in detail it was 4 pages that eventually went missing like every other document I had .. I pondered the whole day and he was guiding my thoughts through the night I came to a realization that I've had a have demonic interest in me since I was born ..and more importantly that almost everyone has entity's attached to them and also that most people can be forgiven and that I can be forgiven because it's not just us that are guiding our thoughts processes ..I forgave everyone I was shown /reminded of trespasses against me and that I could forgive all the things that stuck with me ..I later learned the things that stuck with me was like a base of operations if u will and instantly gone within a 24 hour period..now I had eyes to see ..but wasn't prepared for wat I saw in the next 48 hours I began hearing voices and they began flashing images of who they were when id close my eyes I'll describe them the best I can ..they were like children but had features of someone who aged like well into adult hood but body's of 10 year olds ..bizarre little evil things but had a way of engaging my attention and always casting doubt at the time all this started many strange things in the physical started happening as well ..ppl were attracted to me they were everywhere like the first day I went outside about 3 days after the initial experience I was just sitting parked in the back this dark skinned male just appears around the fence walks right up to the window and starts talking about what am I doing and he's just been walking all this guy looked frantic and eyes so wide just looking around totally paranoid and more than concerning he pulled out a bag of cocaine and offered me the bag I said no and told him to take care of himself ..and he left and I shortly after.. I stopped for gas on my way to 7 11 and at the gas station I'm just getting myself together to go in and pay and I hear a cpl screaming at the top of there lungs grabbing and slapping each other clawing and decided to walk up 3 ft away and continue this domestic dispute ..I get out of there as fast as I could I make it to 711 and there's a girl standing outside she's really dirty and has no shoes on I walk by her and she follows me in she's skinny with knobby knees like the ones that speak to me ..I look at her she looks at me that same look as the guy that aporoached me 20 minutes earlier frantic and disturbed..I felt bad for both these ppl as they looked like there in the middle of some sort of episode.. ...I knew my life would never be the same .. these things knew I could see them and they hated me for it .. the feed on negative emotion it's a theory of mine that they can show them selves to anyone but if they expose them selves they risk losing their food sources .ppl really would come to God and not sin if they knew the power these things have in this world ..they run this world they really do ..but anyways there's so much more and I believe my story can help someone ..this was 5 years ago I've had ppl break into my house attack me steal everything loved ones betray and hate me with lies totally out of character stuff my brother died because of this I shared everything with him and he actually took up drinking and became the most disrespectful person I've ever seen all within a few months of me sharing everything with him. he's the only one that believed me ..the enemy himself visited me one night of debate out of the 2500 I've experienced since..spoke to me in tongues that I understood I recall what he looks like...he spoke so fast and to be described in a few words ..frantic like he something just happened he couldn't believe and was so enraged fueled by a sense of loss ..surprised rage loss realization ..like if a gambler had his life savings on red and black but it lands on green ..if that makes sense ...so much and under 24 hr prosecution mentally and physically ..

Last night, when I was home alone, a hand reached out from under the couch and grabbed me.
Nobody was there to see it, and nobody that I’ve told believes me, but it definitely happened. It’s not the kind of thing you can just imagine, and I’m sure now that it wasn’t a dream.
I was watching TV when it happened. The remote fell under the couch and I started fishing around for it without really looking, not wanting to get up from my seat. I brushed it with the tips of my fingers and it slid further underneath.
I was super annoyed— I had to get down on my knees to reach it. I finally found the remote, and that’s when it grabbed me.
As I pulled the remote out into the light, a hand shot up from under the couch and wrapped its fingers around my wrist.
I was able to yank myself away quickly. It didn’t hold on tight— just enough that I felt a little resistance. I jumped to my feet, obviously terrified.
I didn’t scream or anything. I was honestly too scared to even make a sound. My heart was beating so fast that my ears started to ring. The TV was still going, commercials droning on while I tried to process what had just happened.
The hand had only come out about a foot from under the couch. It had an arm attached to it, though I wasn’t able to see past its elbow, and it slinked back below the couch as soon as I pulled myself free from its grasp.
It didn’t hurt, and it didn’t leave any sort of bruise or mark or anything on my wrist, but I definitely felt it, and I definitely saw it.
All I could do was stare at the spot where the hand had appeared. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, until I heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps right outside my front door.
I live in a second-story apartment. It’s a pretty cramped place and a pretty old building, so whenever someone comes over I can usually hear footsteps from the moment they enter the building downstairs.
I guess I was so freaked out by the hand that I didn’t even notice someone was outside until they were already opening the door.
My roommate walked in on quite a scene. She immediately registered how off the vibe was. I could see it on her face.
She found me standing upright in the middle of our living room, TV remote in hand, facing away from the screen while Full House’s laugh track filled the air. I’m sure I’d think it was odd too.
“Hey…” she said, shifting a paper bag full of groceries in her arm while she pocketed her keys, “You good?”
I felt like I was caught with my pants down, but just seeing a familiar face brought some of the blood back to my fingers.
“N—yeah,” I stuttered. I came back online, and flicked the TV off.
I felt her eyes on me as she walked over to the kitchen. There’s no wall or anything dividing the two rooms. Like I said, the place is pretty cramped.
She started putting her groceries away as if everything was normal, but I could tell she wanted to ask what was up.
I kept looking back and forth between her and the couch. I can’t explain it, but I already knew that if I looked under there, I wouldn’t find any trace of whoever (or whatever) grabbed me.
As she started loading up the fridge, I dropped to my hands and knees once again. Without taking even a second to ready myself, I brought my head down to the ground and looked under the couch.
Nothing.
Pretty much what I expected. There was barely enough room for me to squeeze my arm under there for the remote. No way a whole person could fit beneath that thing, and even if they could, there’s no way I wouldn’t have seen them or heard them or something before they grabbed me.
“Seriously, what’s up?”
I looked up to see my roommate standing right behind me, arms crossed, clearly concerned.
I knew I was acting strange, and I knew that nothing I would come up with in the next five seconds could possibly excuse my behavior. I made a judgement call, honestly not really caring about how it would be received.
“I uh… something grabbed me earlier.”
“What?”
“Under the couch. I dropped the remote, and when I picked it up, a hand reached out from under the couch and grabbed me.”
Took her a second to respond.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“That’s it. A hand reached out and grabbed me by the wrist. It happened like a minute before you got here.”
That part might have been a lie. I actually have no idea how long I had been standing in the middle of the room before she showed up.
“Wait so like someone broke in?”
“No. It’s just like I said. A hand reached out, grabbed me, and then it was gone.”
She just kinda looked at me for a while. I don’t blame her, but it’s not like there was any way for me to sugarcoat it.
“Are you sure?”
“What do you mean ‘am I sure?’ Yes, yes I’m fucking sure!”
My voice broke a little when I said that. I was still down on my knees, like I was praying for her to believe me.
“Okay well obviously that didn’t happen Sam.”I let out a desperate laugh and threw my hands up in the air. I slapped them down on my thighs dramatically and shook my head in exasperation.
“Yeah obviously it sounds fucking crazy but you asked what happened and that’s what happened. I don’t know how else to describe it. I’m just being honest.”
I pulled myself up to my feet and walked around to the armrest of the couch. She kept studying me, probably thinking this was all a prank or something.
“What are you doing?” She asked, arms still glued across her chest.
“I’m checking under the couch.”
I pushed one end of the couch away from the wall. It was pretty heavy, and the coffee table stopped me from moving it too far. I dragged the coffee table towards the TV to free up some space.
My roommate started staring at the spot I was clearing as if she expected to see something there too.
I went back over to the armrest.
“Can you help me?”
She snapped out of her trance and silently went to grab the other side. We pulled the couch away from the wall, revealing a thick rectangle of dust that had not seen the light of day since we moved in a year ago.
I dropped to my knees once more and began wiping away the grime with my bare hands. There was nothing but the floorboards beneath it. No surprise.
I sat there for a second, eyes darting around the floor. No fingerprints in the dust, no scratches or marks or anything. I felt the tension in the room dissipate as my roommate found her voice again.
“I think you must have imagined it.”
I didn’t. There’s no way.
“Dude, no. I felt it and I saw it. Clear as day. It was a hand, and it grabbed me. That’s not the sort of thing you can just imagine.”
She scoffed, any fear left in her giving way to frustration.
“Whatever. This is fucking stupid. I’m going to bed.”
She stomped off towards her room.
“Wait.”
She spun on her heels as I stood up, probably expecting me to tell her I was joking about the whole thing.
“Can you help me flip the couch over?”
She rolled her eyes.
“Sure. But I’m not helping you put it back.”
She helped me lift the couch off of its legs and tilt it onto its front cushions, exposing the fabric underneath. She disappeared into her room and I went to work studying the underside of the sofa.
There was a zipper lining the bottom, but I found nothing inside when I opened it up. Just a hollow wooden frame and a bunch of crumbs.
I sat back against the wall, more tired than scared at that point.
I can’t believe she thinks I’m making this up. Why would I even do that? What purpose would it serve?
As I solemnly went about rebuilding our living room, I decided that the next day (today) I was gonna take off work, wait for her to leave, and really get to the bottom of this.
I didn’t sleep at all last night. Every nook and cranny of my room felt like a door left wide open, with something sinister waiting on the other side.
What if the hand comes back? What if it wants to hurt me next time? How can I even protect myself?
After like ten restless minutes in bed, I decided to move to the floor. I couldn’t help it. I kept imagining the hand reaching up from under the bed and grabbing me again.
I made a makeshift sleeping bag out of my comforter and some pillows, and I laid on my side so I could keep an eye on the underside of my bedframe while I slept. Maybe “slept” isn’t the right word. Even down there, I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes for longer than a minute.
Eventually sunlight began to peek through the blinds, and I heard some movement within the apartment. My roommate was finally up. I heard the front door close, and it was time to get to work.
I nearly threw my back out yanking the couch away from the wall to reveal the floorboards underneath. They aren’t real floorboards, just the kind of cheap-o fake shit they put in crappy houses to make them look more modern. Our whole apartment is like that— a thin coat of paint slapped over an old building from the 40s or whatever.
My dad actually owns this building. He lets me and my roommate stay here as long as we pay him $500 a month, which is way cheaper than most places in my area.
It’s not really an apartment building to be honest. You can tell it used to be a family home before some realtor swooped in and broke it up into apartments. There are a lot of those around here.
Anyway, the fake wood came up easy. It was only about a quarter inch thick. I was able to pull up the first plank by hammering a kitchen knife into a slit between the boards, and then I peeled a few more away by hand.
After prying away about a dozen of these fake floorboards, I started to realize that I wasn’t going to find anything without making a significantly larger dent. Right beneath the thin layer of fake wood was a layer of very real, very thick wooden beams that seemed to span well beyond the hole I had managed to claw open.
My back crackled and popped as I sat back on my heels to admire my handiwork and contemplate where to go from there. I knew I would need a power saw or some kind of heavy duty tool to get any deeper, but I was afraid of two things:

1. That these beams were supporting the entire second floor of the building, and cutting through them would make the whole thing collapse
2. That going any deeper would lead me into the ceiling of the apartment below us, and whoever lives there would call my dad before I could see what I needed to see.

Regardless of the risks, I knew I had to keep going. I was certain that something was down there. Whatever grabbed me had to have left some sort of evidence.
I can’t stop thinking about that fucking hand.
I’m not supposed to have it, but my dad gave me a master key for the whole building in case of emergencies. He could really get in trouble if anyone found out, but if this isn’t an emergency then idk what is.
There’s a service shed around the back of the building, which has seen none of the love that the main building saw when it was renovated. Decades worth of rusty antiques and rotting furniture line the walls. A shiny, modern tool bench sits unnaturally in the middle of the chaos.
I rifled through all of that shit as fast as I could. I’m not really close with my dad all things considered, and I’m sure he’d be super pissed if he found me out there. He’s so secretive about random shit all the time, and he’s constantly dropping by the building unannounced.
I found the jigsaw under a pile of old newspapers and ran back upstairs.
I probably should have checked the driveway to see if anyone was home first, because the saw made so much noise. The cord barely reached from the outlet to the spot where the couch used to be, but as awkward as the angle was, I was still able to get it in there.
I went as small as possible with my first few cuts. I started with a single beam, cutting out a section about 6x6 inches wide. I slid the chunk of wood out, and, to my relief, didn’t immediately see the plaster that would be my downstairs neighbor’s ceiling.
A tuft of insulation stuck out where I made the hole. I didn’t know that stuff is made from fiberglass or whatever, and I got a really bad splinter when I went to yank it out.
I fished some leather gloves out of my roommate’s closet and got to work on the insulation. I pulled and pulled but couldn’t get a good enough grip to remove anything more than a few bits about the size of a tennis ball.
I went back in with the jigsaw, cutting bigger and bigger chunks until I had cleared a hole about two feet in diameter.
No sign that I was gonna bring the building down, that’s good.
I hacked away for hours. More wood came up, more insulation came up, and when I finally hit a fragile-looking layer of drywall, I knew the jig was up. That’s definitely my neighbor’s ceiling. Fuck.
My roommate and I got in a screaming match when she got home. I made a pretty big mess but I don’t really give a fuck honestly.
I don’t give a fuck if she believes me. I fucking hate that bitch. I told her if she tells my dad what I’m doing, I’ll bash her brains in with the hammer. That shut her up. She left with a bag full of her clothes like an hour later.
Tomorrow I’m going to wait for our downstairs neighbor to leave and start investigating from the bottom-up. If there wasn’t any evidence on the floor up here, there HAS to be something on the ceiling down there.
If I do find something, I’ll post again. I doubt anyone will even believe me, but at this point I just want everything written down somewhere accessible in case something bad happens.
There has to be something down there. Something grabbed me. And I’m going to find out what it is.

I will refer to “friend group” as FG.
So, I (20F) have This friend (20F), let’s call her A. We’ve known each other since middle school, but tbh we haven’t been the closest of friends.
For context, we’ve been in the same friend group throughout all of middle and high school, which fizzled out after graduating. I’m not super heartbroken about the friend group falling apart because I’ve never really hung out with anyone outside of group meetups aside from my best friend (who was in the same group). None of them ever asked me to hang out, and me, being the person I am, assumed it was cause they didn’t want to, so I didn’t initiate to hang with them either.
After the FG graduated high school, we decided to go on a fun trip during spring break, where we’d stay 2 nights in an AirBnB. 6 ppl out of the FG decided to go. Me, my bff, A, two other friends, and a guy we’ll call B, who was the only male on the trip. I wasn’t really close with him but he was in the friend group and I thought he was okay.
Anyway, in prep. for the trip, I decided to pay for the BnB and have everyone pay me pack on their own time (they all did). I also offered to drive since my dad allowed us to use his truck for the trip (it fit 6 ppl and we wanted to save on gas). Everyone contributed to the food and such (my bff bought a large dish that we would bring to avoid making dinner the 1st night), but the main person cooking meals was A. I thought the trip went really well, until I dropped everyone off when the trip was over.
Basically, A confided in me something that happened between her and B and we talked for a little while, with me trying my best to give advice or an opinion. (Keep in mind I’m not really qualified cause I’m basically celibate lmao). This was the first time in our years of friendship that she confided in me something super emotional for her. I felt that by trusting in me, I was shown that she actually cared about our friendship, and I was willing to put more effort into our communication. I wanted her to be okay, and naturally hung out with her whenever she wanted or when our schedules aligned.
Onto the advice part. After a few weeks (or perhaps closer to a month), A had a noticeable decline in her mental health, which I think I tried my best in helping with, meeting up and talking and such. But then she suddenly left the FG’s group chat, and then I sent her a text asking what was wrong, I got messages by another friend in the FG saying that A was leaving the friend group and that I was a main reason as to why. I can’t remember the exact circumstances as to her reasoning since it was a year ago, but I do remember that I didn’t respond to a text she sent earlier in the morning (I was going to class and forgot to respond, by the time I remembered it was deleted), and that was her “last straw.” I was devastated by this. I thought “wtf did I do I’m an awful friend I have to try and make this right.” So I tried sending A a message in hopes she would grant me a response. I sent and unsent messages, trying to find the right message before just deciding to ask for a talk. I would’ve preferred face to face, but she called me, and I picked up. My emotions were high, and I was vulnerable, and scared, cause I was finally close to her as a friend and I was about to loose her over something as silly and forgetting to respond to a text. While on the call, she ranted that she was putting so much effort into all her friendships, only to not get anything in return. “I would give so much and for what? I’d ask you how you’re doing, every time there’s a thunderstorm, but when I need you you don’t respond.” (I’m pretty scared of thunder. Ik it’s irrational and some call it childish but i can’t really help it. I’m thinking it anxiety???) I tried to not cry while talking to her but I ending up breaking, telling her the truth that I’m scared of not being a good friend, that I don’t know shit about anyone and that “ill be better and I’m sorry.” Stuff like that. Not my best moment :/
A few days after, we met in person, she forgave me, and I swore I’d make sure to communicate with her more.
But that’s the thing. I tried, but I didn’t get much of a response back. I’d send memes, start convos, ask to hang out, and most of the time the texts would go unread. I knew she was busy with work and such, and then me living 30 minutes away makes it harder to hang out, but I couldn’t help but feel it might’ve been some sort of revenge? It just felt shitty, and I couldn’t help but think that she’s giving me a taste of my own medicine.
Then she responded and we hung out, and we didn’t really talk about anything emotional. Just basic stuff.
Then she started school again, and suddenly it was like she didn’t exist. I NEVER got a response to anything, even when her status said she was active on insta (main form of communication). She’s in a STEM major, which ik can be super demanding but, not even time to like a reel or send a quick message?? Our dm’s became a graveyard for unseen reels and lost messages from me about meaningless things. Eventually I stopped sending anything, thinking she just didn’t wanna hang out with me anymore.
Then I got a response saying she was on break, and because I’m me, I was happy and didn’t mention the months of ghosting.
Then she started school again, and it was the same process.
She finally ended her semester along with everyone else, and she’s finally connected me again to hang out. I said yes because I wanna give her a chance, even though I’ve talked with my BFF and she told be things she found sketch about A. (Short of it is: a had a similar convo with BFF that she did with me, but BFF said she actually did contribute the the friendship and that the same stuff could be said for A, which I didn’t even think about till BFF and I talked about it).
I really want to continue this friendship, but there are red flags that I’m seeing. How to I go about talking to her and mending the rocky relationship we have?
TLDR: I have an inkling my friend might be a little manipulative/toxic, but I don’t wanna loose the friendship. How do I fix this???
I try answering any questions on context to the best of my abilities. This is my first post on the subreddit.

Hey all, hope you're all well. As the title implies, I am quite unwell and may not have much longer on this earth. Hence asking this question, despite it being asked over and over, because I have quite unique requirements.
TLDR: Which duffel suits me best, for 1-2 week trips, out of the 40L Patagonia, 55L Patagonia, or 71L North Face (or smaller North Face), given that this may be my final trip, and given that money is tight due to medical treatments etc?
At the moment, I own several Evergoods backpacks and slings. I also own (or semi-own, shared with my partner) an old-style, bright red, plasticky-looking Patagonia Black Hole duffel in 55L (I hate the colour and look of it, only got it as it was like $100 USD off). Other than that, I just have a medium-size American Tourister suitcase.
Anyway, long story short, I'd like to get a new duffel. Part of it is that I've always hated the shiny look of the Patagonia duffels - no longer an issue with this 2024 update. But it has annoyed me for years, our bright red Patagonia 😡
It would be used primarily for trips 1-2 weeks long, naturally sometimes just a weekend trip, pretty much always domestically. I'm someone who struggles to pack smartly and minimally - especially in winter. So that's something to consider, but I'm getting back into it, meaning the whole "minimalist" carrying thing.
I would largely have the ability to wash my clothes on the go. It would need to fit: probably enough clothes for five days, including business shoes + a toiletries/dopp kit (using an Evergoods CAP2 for this) + a medicines kit (have a number of health issues, again, using a different CAP2 for this) + ideally my Birkenstocks (I wear Converses on my days off, business shoes for work naturally and nice dinners, and the Birkenstocks for little things like walking down the road to the local supermarket, or taking the laundry out to hang it up etc).
But I can live without the Birkenstocks on trips, so it would be: wearing Converses with business shoes in the duffel. Naturally, laptop + power bank + most medicines (especially important for my Ritalin) + a book + cables + whatever else can go in my Evergoods 24L CPL. And then with my sling to take out each day to explore.
So I am not sure whether to get the Patagonia or the North Face, in the 40 (Patagonia), 55L (Patagonia), or the North Face in S or M. Sadly, where I live, it is more or less impossible to see them in person before buying. I have the 55L Patagonia, as I said, and other than the coloutextile, the main things I don't like are: a) lack of internal organisation (not improved for the 2024 version I believe), and b) when not crammed full, it sags and lacks structure.
I'm hoping this is a bag I can use for many years to come, and I'm just sick of having to use my suitcase all the time (just that it's big, chunky, obnoxious). For other types of travel I've got an Osprey backpack that I pair with my sling for exploring during the day.
So yes, my questions are:

1. What size would be appropriate, given it will be largely for one to two week trips, with me not being great at packing smartly and minimally, with the options being 40L, 55L or 71L, but with the option of washing say once every 5-7 days?; and
2. Which brand/product is better - durability, cost, value, look, warranty etc?

I will say - I love the "look" of the Patagonia, especially in the matte blue finish. Other than that, I'm open to jumping ship to the North Face, if needed. Final thing is the price - I can get the 40L Patagonia (new design) for $185 AUD, so ~$120 USD, I can get the 55L Patagonia (new design) for around $200 AUD, so ~$130 USD, and the North Face M for $175 AUD, so ~$115 USD.
The North Face is therefore around $100 AUD cheaper than normal, meaning, $100 AUD cheaper than the standard price for the bag, being $70 USD cheaper, as it is on clearance (making it a great deal, in my opinion, but again, happy to spend more on a Patagonia if it will be a better bag for me). That's specifically for the "Timber Tan" colour, which I quite like. It also boils down to the size - I hate it when a bag is too big for what you need it for.
It's the reason I sold my Evergoods MPL30 and CPL28. I'm 6'2", so it wasn't an issue of them being too big for my frame - just too big for my EDC. And that feeling of not wanting "too much room" transfers across to duffels. But then again, it's shit when you are packing for a trip and can't even fit the essentials - especially my CAP2 medicines kit and CAP2 toiletries bag, they take up a fair bit of space.
In so many ways, the 40L Patagonia would be perfect - lifetime warranty as far as I know, and a company dedicated to saving the environment. Plus it is small enough to take as carry-on when flying, I think, and I much prefer the new Patagonia design over the North Face design. But I don't want to come across as sold on the Patagonia! The North Face, for me, seems to have the advantages of that extra external pocket and compression straps. I don't know that there's too much else for it.
Thanks so much for any help. Going through a tough time in my life, and this is just a little thing to look forward to and it will make imagining my next holiday easier, which would be so nice, if I do get to holiday again 💛👌🏻
PS - can also get the Bellroy "Venture Duffel" 55L for $200 AUD, so ~$130 USD, or the North Face "Base Camp Voyager Duffel" 42L for $245 AUD, so ~$160 USD. I love Bellroy, the bag looks amazing, but I hate that they don't stand by their products and offer a lifetime/much longer warranty. And I don't know what the difference is between the "Base Camp Voyager" and the standard "Base Camp" duffel? If anyone knows, please let me know.
Okay, rant over. Truly, any assistance would mean the world to me - the kindness of strangers is getting me through life right now.

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
​
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

...Really pays off.
Pick up a Target single, going to SF Mission Target...at 7:50pm. Arrive there to be reminded that it closes at 8pm.
I think fuck it, I'm not canceling because IC somehow doesn't know when stores close. I let the customer know I am going to Geary, since that one closes at 10pm.
15 minute drive later I'm at the store, get all but one item found no problem Handful of stationery items, couple personal care. Final item is headphones.
This is where the second problem occurs. NO NEARBY STORES CARRY THIS MODEL. Back and forth with the customer and we figure out a replacement.
I get to the customer and deliver, we talk about our experiences on either side of IC after I ecplain a bit more about ehat happened with the store location and the headphones.
I get going and start heading home and look at the app a little later. ~$19 tip bumped up to $76. Sometimes customers really do appreciate when you put the effort in.

TL:dr- my guy got upset at me for having to haul a sectional down 3 flights of stairs, even though I didn’t KNOW it was on the third floor, and I’m simply upset he was angry at me over something I didn’t know and made something I was so excited to get into an unpleasant experience
To preface I adore furniture. Not only did I use to sell furniture, my mother reupholstered furniture and I wanted to be an interior designer. One of my proudest achievements in my life was decorating my first apt in amazingly nice furniture pieces over 3 years while living in poverty. One of the saddest things was having to sell all the furniture. I pintrest furniture. I scroll Facebook marketplace for furniture as a pass-time and daydream. At one point in my life it was the MOST fun hobby ever to go on day long trips to travel to other states to pick up cool furniture I’d found there. So you could say furniture is a deep love of mine.
What’s troubled me is in the last 4 years we had to downsize ALL my furniture because moving into a VERY small living area. The sale of all the furniture went into our saving. His hobby is house plants- a much easier hobby to fit in a home. So about half our living space is dedicated to his hobby. I’ve been pretty miserable unable to decorate for 4 years, and I’ve been pretty open about this. We’ve also been saving for a house so while I don’t begrudge him spending a 100 or so a month on his hobby; there’s no room to justify me spending say 200 on an antique writing desk we can’t fit here.
About 4 months ago I found my dream bedroom suite. When I say it was a dream I mean I’ve been looking for this EXACT furniture set every week for almost 8 years. I found it, for $400 for what’s around 8k worth of furniture- it was a 6hr drive and a headache to pick up. Without help to move it I missed out on the set. I was devastated. It was actually really upsetting because it’s something I knew I’d never find again in my price range. He reassured it me wasn’t a big deal and that I’d find it again. I won’t, I know, because I’ve been looking for that set for a decade. I explained to him that this was a passion and a great love of mine, it makes me feel at home in my space and expressed where I live. Relaxed. I explained how important decorating my home was to me and how glum I’ve been not being able to do it for years now. I asked him if next time we found a piece that worked in our budget if he would REALLY make an effort to help me get it because it was really important to me that he support my hobby the way I support his: I’ve learned about every hobby he has and listen in earnest, memorizing all the little things so I can talk to him about it. He likes to collect mugs- I made him a mug display, he likes to garden-I buy him exotic plants, he likes dinosaurs-I take the day off work to drive 2hrs both ways to pick up some rare dino collectibles. He says he will and I’m ecstatic, and begin talking about all the great adventures we’ll have collecting interesting pieces for our home.
One day he says the couch is old and hurts his back, he mentions it for about a month. I’m exstatic! Because it’s the only piece of furniture we have to sit on in our small home. I’m dedicated to finding us a really really nice one second hand, one he’ll like too, one that has back support, one we can cuddle on. I hunt for a week and he vetos several that he doesn’t like but I find a $2000 couch in good condition for 100. I’m so excited it’s actually in our budget, it’ll fit in our small space, it’s perfect! I feel accomplished, I feel motivated, I feel EXCITED to decorate the house. This is the most excited I’ve been to buy anything in YEARS. I’m giddy. Actual childlike glee!
When we get there to pick up the couch we realize the sellers didn’t happen to mention it was on the third floor. It’s a sectional but lightweight. I specifically picked so we could arrange it in our tiny space to have lots of little spots to read. And I can tell instantly this is going to be a problem. He’s going to get upset. I’m so worried he’ll be upset I try to overly positively handle everything- and get injured several times just trying to get it over quick and simple. And arm of the couch slams me in the throat and my hand gets rammed into a wall blood bruising my thumb. He’s uncharacteristicly unconcerned I’m hurt. All the climbing makes us both sick and shaky, so I suggest we sit and wait to fill better in the Ac before driving home.
When we head back I become very aware he’s not talking to me. He’s angry. I already know it. I try to apologize, to make things better, to explain I didn’t know that it was on the third floor and wouldn’t have got it if I had. That it was just a great deal and worked great for what we needed and it was in our budget (it’s almost impossible to find anything in our budget) and that we wouldn’t have been able to get anything near as nice so cheaply, that I’m sorry I know it was more than what he signed up to help me with and if I had known I would have paid family to help move it or thought of something else. I know his annoyance is justified. he explains it to me and to his merit he does it calmly, but he’s still upset at me- not just for the stairs, but for the drive, and for getting a sectional to begin with when “all we needed” was a cheap small love seat, he doesn’t GET IT and he’s pissed
He tried to be nice about it but he’s miserable and mad at me and doesn’t at all get why I was excited over it. By the end I feel a bit choked up, and teary eyed. I’m not a crier but I suppose he must have seen me tearing up because he clarifies he wants to support my hobby but doesn’t get it.
Yes things went arry but I thought it was almost a funny mishap, it wasn’t too bad getting the piece, we saved thousands of dollars, it’s the only NICE piece in our house and I was so excited to impress him with it. That he was angry, that he wasn’t even worried I was hurt- just ripped through me. Getting that piece of furniture, the first piece of furniture we bought together for our first home together meant a lot to me. To try to show him I wanted us to have something nice together I moved our old ripped up couch out by myself, scrubbed cleaned and arranged the new furniture by myself and moved every piece of it I could by myself. I also cleaned and arrange the living so that he could comfortably sit and enjoy the new seating in a well organized clean space. I stayed up for hours doing it alone till my body ached. But he’s still upset with me and I’ve lost all the “happiness” I had to decorate with him, I just feel embarrassed and sad. I don’t think I’ll be able to ask him to go with me again to get a piece, I don’t think he’d want to. It all just got so bungled. I just feel…. Like it was a missed opportunity to laugh and make a good memory, now it’s a bad memory I think will stick around.
I had hoped we’d travel together getting new pieces and making new memories. Now I just know we never will.

I had waited years for this surgery so when I was finally able to get the surgery I was happy but also a little nervous.
Definitely did not realize how much pain and discomfort I would endure from the procedure. I also ended up back in the ER twice, once for pain and the next time for dehydration and being unable to open my mouth. This surgery and recovery isn’t a joke. I am on day 11 of recovery and I still am unable to eat anything more than mashed potatoes and ice cream, I still have pain and it’s not going away. Sometimes it feels like I have tonsillitis or strep throat all over again, I know that once I can be recovered I won’t regret having this surgery’s
My recommendation is get the surgery 100% but make sure you’re prepared with a variety of soft foods and cold foods; and also ensure you are maintaining enough fluid intake so you don’t end up dehydrated. Most importantly don’t be so hard on yourself as it takes time to fully recover.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRa-Alergy posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 9th May 2024
Update - 10th May 2024
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AITAH for telling my bf that his daughter is not allowed in my apartment because she doesn’t stop smuggling peanuts in?
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I can’t have any contact with peanuts and I am terrified of them due to some bad experience ms ending up in the hospital. I have my shots now on me all the time. It is not exactly airborne but I could have irritation and if it for example touch something that had been in contact with peanuts i could have swollen eyes and itchy nose and throat. Ingesting is fatal.
She is 14 and has no respect what so ever for my anxiety. My bf and I moved in and she lives with us every other week. Now I told my bf that I don’t want her here because she is not respecting my boundaries. But that I understand that he doesn’t want to live with me in that case we could revert back to him being with me when he doesn’t have his daughter. He got very upset because he said that he loved me and wanted a real relationship and to live in one home.
So I told him that maybe he should be with someone who isn’t allergic then. He thinks I am being very unfair. He said well, she will probably hate the next one too and the next and the next because she wants her mom and me to be together again so it wasn’t “me specifically” that she dislikes. I said that maybe he needs to take a break from dating then until she is onboard but he said that he couldn’t be single just because his daughter wants him to. Before me he was single for 6 years and that wasn’t good enough.
Before we decided to move in together, we have done some “trial” living together and never once did his daughter do anything about the nuts. But now for 4 months she has always peanuts with her. I don’t know why she is doing this. I thought we were cool. She just smirks and says maybe if you are so allergic, maybe you’re not meant to survive(a stand up comedy bit from Louis CK)
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Comments
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ERVetSurgeon
NTA but you need to leave this relationship. She thinks it is funny and he doesn't care. The amount of disrespect for your health is amazing.
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CruelxIntention
This. He’s allowing this instead of getting to the core of it and putting the child in therapy where she clearly belongs. She’s plenty old enough to know this can kill someone and to have complete disregard over that shouldn’t be overlooked. You may love this guy but I’m betting you love breathing more.
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WonderingGemini84

"You may love this guy but I'm betting you love breathing more."

THIS!!!
You can not love someone when you're dead.
The boyfriend doesn't seem to realise how serious "the no peanuts"-thing is. This is a non-negotable. Your home should be your safe space, she doesn't respect that and he doesn't hear you (or doesn't care enough)
Throw them out OP!!!
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weeperOfChimneys
NTA, she has all but said she's attempting to kill you with peanuts. Quoting a comedian doesn't make it funny or acceptable. He hasn't bothered to search her and divest her of the nuts when he picks her up either.

OOP: He offered this as a suggestion. Visitation before she entered my apartment but I don’t want this kind of life. I was fine only seeing him on his weeks off. But I understand that he wants something more permanent than meeting every other week so he probably should find another woman

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YoghurtSnodgrass
She would probably just hide peanuts around his place for you to hopefully come in contact with. Just break up. His kid is trying to kill you.
Where is she even getting all these nuts from? Is her mom buying them for her? Does she buy them from a vending machine at school? How crazy is the little turd?
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 day later
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Hi everyone! Thank you so much for really caring about a stranger with a dilemma. I was glad that I wasn’t wrong in my guts. I told my bf that I wanted to break up.
He was very sad and tried to reason with me. He suggested that we could live separately. His daughter will soon be an adult. I told him that being 18 doesn’t guarantee that she leaves the nest nor that he stops being a father either. Any time she could come across hardships and wants to move home and she needs to find that home. She couldn’t have it with me.
And about living separately, while it is fine now and some few years ahead. What about the future?
He was silent and listening to me. I felt overwhelmed because I love him. He said that the only way his daughter will be happy is when he is alone. She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings. He is just a father. I didn’t know what to tell him and just said that she probably needed time to grow up.
Until he moves out, his daughter is not allowed to be in my apartment. She called and threw a tantrum about her father choosing me instead. That she has the right to live with her father every other week and this shouldn’t change. I didn’t say anything, they need to fix this as a family, I am not a part of this family anymore.
He rented his apartment for a year’s contract so I don’t know how he will manage to find a new or terminate the lease so he could move back to his old apartment. Anyway he is staying here for a couple of months.
I am very sad that this beautiful relationship has come to an end. But I need to think about myself now.
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Comments
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he_nooch73
Know you made the right choice for you, your health, your safety. As someone said in your other post ‘you may love him, but you probably love breathing more’. I think you’re right about his daughter never accepting his partners. He needs to address this with her in therapy. I hope her therapist knows about the peanuts because her behaviour is truly disturbing. I’m so sorry your relationship had to end.
Commercial-Ask3416
I feel so bad for you and your boyfriend. I feel like he is stuck between a rock and hard place regarding his daughter. I know people are saying he should discipline her or this and that, but it sounds like it wouldn't work and that she would likely escalate. I work with kids like her. Hoping her not being able to live with her dad the next few months will be a wake up call for her but in my experience I doubt it. Good luck to the both of you, especially him as he has to deal with the fallout. Not your monkey, not your circus anymore.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Iron warriors and mortal serfs lug building materials to and fro. All directed by the countess of iron herself Petra-bo. Her cold gaze scrutinizes every detail of the building. An Iron warrior had accidentally screwed up the layout of the tower.
Petra: No! No! No! You lumbering oaf, that’s not how it’s supposed to look!
Petra raised her fist to the Iron Warrior who braced in expectation of being decimated. But when he looked his Primarch had turned her back to him, fists still clenched.
Petra: Do it over and this time do it right.
Iron Warrior 1: Yes mother!
Petra takes a deep breath, her trinket would be proud of her restraint. During the Great Crusade she was made to wade through the mud. To take on the jobs no one else would, it was her trinket that got her through the worst of it. Now it was over, she had been rewarded with building the rest of Terra though she would rather have been picked to build the palace instead of Regalia. None of that mattered now, her “father” got what he wanted. Her sisters returned to their planets. And now she can enjoy her projects in peace. She sat under an Olive tree on a nearby hill and continued to oversee the construction in the shade. She heard a set of foot steps behind her, a hurried cadence of a human. They weren’t rushing it was their natural stride, she knew who it was.
Petra: If you’re going to sneak up to me then take notes from Corax’s sons. Your footsteps are loud and your stride is too recognizable.
Trinket: You’re no fun Bo.
Petra: it’s not my fault you’d make a lousy guerrilla fighter.
Little Trinket sits next to her, before she would protest against her nickname fiercely. Now she simply resigns with a huff knowing he’ll always call her that.
Trinket: How goes the construction
Petra: Hrrm.
Trinket: come now it can’t be that bad.
Petra:… It’s serviceable at best, the tower was constructed in the wrong spot with different materials than what I specified. Whoever heard of a Diorite Tower.
Little trinket entwined his fingers with hers, it was calming for the most part.
Trinket: My lady, our sons meant well and-
Petra: I get it. I just want this place to be perfect.
Trinket: It will be perfect, you designed it after all.
Petra’s cheeks grew red.
Petra: Then I suppose I shall step back for now.
As the sun of Olympia grew dim, it was finished. It was as she always dreamt it, a beautiful home with the necessary amount of rooms and a tower for herself. Built in a fortifiable location with a beautiful view of the mountains facing the tower.
Petra: I can’t believe this… it’s over…
A strange feeling over came Petra. Contentment.
Trinket: It is.
Trinket kissed Petra’s hand. They passed the threshold together.

I am a 21 year old male and I have no pre-exisiting medical issues besides being a hypochodriac. A few days ago I bumped my jaw on the side of my desk when raising my head after picking up something from the ground. I really didnt hit it hard but i immediately felt like my brain rattled in my skull almost.. I didnt lose consciousness and I didnt lose coherency while talking (I immediately tested this out when it happened).. I got a headache a few hours later and then just put it out of my mind. But now Im concerned after realizing maybe it was actually a problem. I may not be feeling any nausea or balance issues but Im definitely feeling off and Im not sure if its because of how anxious i feel about me suspecting it to be a brain bleed or something. Im really focused on my body and wondering if that is causing my symptoms. One of my symptoms is Im messing up words in sentences more often now which increases the more I focus on what im saying. The most concerning one is whenever i lay down especially on the back of my head I will get a headache that goes away after I get up. Its not terrible but I do notice it. When i looked it up of course it mentioned this was a symptom of a brain bleed and is called ICP. I should mention I got COVID or some other kind of cold just today and now its difficult to tell what symptoms I am experiencing and how real they may be. In fact Im not sure if the headache i mentioned can happen with COVID but I had experienced it the day of my bump and the day after so Im not sure. The headache itself also just comes and goes and i can lay down fine without any type of headache since then often. I also sleep on a bed that could affect my spine but it just seems so coincidental for that kind of headache to start happening after my little bump. I do drink but its not very often i had like a couple drinks the night of my bump. Should I just go see a doctor? My moms really against the idea because of the money it might cost and the fact that i have freaked out about my health and thought i was dying several times in the past. But this time it feels a lot more real and im concerned. Am i manifesting my own symptoms?

Hi everyone, im telling this story more so to vent, and not because I don’t know what to do, im done with him.
I dated this man for 6 weeks (thank god not longer) we were together so much, (so I would’ve never guessed) and when we weren’t together he was calling and texting me. While the s3X was amazing he always brought up feelings, commitment, etc to me and we were together days at a time. Even said he wants a son and sees me having a boy someday, etc. just always painting the picture that he wants and sees us in a long term commitment and his actions were showing it (may have been moving a bit fast for my liking which can be a red flag, but you get the point here) I’ve been single for awhile before he came along and I’ve been doing a lot of self work and healing, and everyone around me was congratulating me because he is a successful older man that makes good money and he was treating me great. People that care about me also know i don’t catch feelings easy and don’t give chances to people easy. Guess what?
Long story short: he went on vacation with his girlfriend, (they’re still on vacation, they come back in a day or two) i guess she went through his phone, and she contacted me about 4 days ago. We clarified some info on instagram DMs and I found out they’ve been dating for 1.5 years or so. I actually did know who she was, but I thought it was his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me) and they weren’t posting each other or interacting on social media for 4+ months or so on top of that, plus he gave me so much consistency, time, and attention- so I didn’t know. However, she travels A LOT for work she said, so that’s how he was able to get away with it. She’s older as well and was really nice. They’re both 10+ years older than me, im 25. She said she’s done with him a few days ago, as she’s never caught him doing this before, then kept telling me he’s telling her he just used me for s3X and we weren’t serious, and when I explained the dynamic to her she realized we were in fact dating. But now she’s posting stuff on her insta story to make it seem like they’re happy, then he’ll post stuff on his social media of the trip, but has nothing to do with her, and I don’t know how she can stomach what he did to her and hang out with him? Maybe she’s playing it off til the trip is over since its a business vacation/trip. But it’s just strange to me. I on the other hand didn’t say anything to him and blocked him. The worst part of it all, is I know he’s going to try and come back to me on some bs! I know what type of man he is, and I dodged a bullet! I’m kinda a little heartbroken because we got close in a short amount of time and I thought I was finally getting a good man I deserve to be with, but im so lucky I found this out early and dodged bullets!!!

I'm 20 y/o female and have been struggling with neurological issues for about a year now. . I have had and brain and spine mri which came back clean aside from one tiny spot which I told is probably a scar type thing. . The problem is I have gotten significantly worse since this mri in January so I'm worried it was actually the beginning of something malicious. . I have so pretty bad lower body coordination issues and often have to stumble around my house I can feel my legs for the most part and only experience mild sensory disturbances. . Muscle twitching or myclonic jerks like when you fall asleep but it's near constant and I will have periods of little to not twitching but when it's happening it's constant and not in just one are although it's mostly in limbs and torsos so not in the normal areas like eyes (although I do get twitching in my ears too) . I had an emg beginning of January upper body only and it showed mild I mean the mildest of mild bilateral carpal tunnel. . Severe fatigue and word retrieval issues. . Balance problems I haven't been completely falling but I will stumble and have to catch myself I'm not tripping it's more like toppling and its worse when I'm still but when I walk my right foot occasionally catches the ground but I have severely tight calves and my feet barley go to 90° I night brace or try to atleast. . Tremors and shaking are also a molar problem with my arms and legs . Issues with constipation and urinary problems aswell which could be unrelated but who knows. . My maternal grandmother had multiple sclerosis and I think I carry the gene for hurler syndrome (carrier obviously) my mom's sister had it. I also had extensive vestibular and opthamaolgy testing and it was found I have central vestibulopathy and I also have a tic disorder (mostly motor) and hEDS+ . I'm supposed to have a repeat mri on the 28th and perhaps another emg per my neuro. But I need reassurance or something until then

Hi everyone, im telling this story more so to vent, and not because I don’t know what to do, im done with him.
I dated this man for 6 weeks (thank god not longer) we were together so much, (so I would’ve never guessed) and when we weren’t together he was calling and texting me. While the s3X was amazing he always brought up feelings, commitment, etc to me and we were together days at a time. Even said he wants a son and sees me having a boy someday, etc. just always painting the picture that he wants and sees us in a long term commitment and his actions were showing it (may have been moving a bit fast for my liking which can be a red flag, but you get the point here) I’ve been single for awhile before he came along and I’ve been doing a lot of self work and healing, and everyone around me was congratulating me because he is a successful older man that makes good money and he was treating me great. People that care about me also know i don’t catch feelings easy and don’t give chances to people easy. Guess what?
Long story short: he went on vacation with his girlfriend, (they’re still on vacation, they come back in a day or two) i guess she went through his phone, and she contacted me about 4 days ago. We clarified some info on instagram DMs and I found out they’ve been dating for 1.5 years or so. I actually did know who she was, but I thought it was his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me) and they weren’t posting each other or interacting on social media for 4+ months or so on top of that, plus he gave me so much consistency, time, and attention- so I didn’t know. However, she travels A LOT for work she said, so that’s how he was able to get away with it. She’s older as well and was really nice. They’re both 10+ years older than me, im 25. She said she’s done with him a few days ago, as she’s never caught him doing this before, then kept telling me he’s telling her he just used me for s3X and we weren’t serious, and when I explained the dynamic to her she realized we were in fact dating. But now she’s posting stuff on her insta story to make it seem like they’re happy, then he’ll post stuff on his social media of the trip, but has nothing to do with her, and I don’t know how she can stomach what he did to her and hang out with him? Maybe she’s playing it off til the trip is over since its a business vacation/trip. But it’s just strange to me. I on the other hand didn’t say anything to him and blocked him. The worst part of it all, is I know he’s going to try and come back to me on some bs! I know what type of man he is, and I dodged a bullet! I’m kinda a little heartbroken because we got close in a short amount of time and I thought I was finally getting a good man I deserve to be with, but im so lucky I found this out early and dodged bullets!!!