This is an old story some of my friends told me (29F) I should share here.. so here I am. Sorry for the long text, but there's a lot to unfold.
This started a few years ago, after I got ghosted by my ex, I decided to switch careers and took the proposal of my brother to work for one of his friend in an organic grocery store in my area. I was 22ish at the time, maybe 21 turning 22, but anyways.
I started working in the fruits and vegetables aisle. Despite having a crazy director, I liked my job and my department manager. After a few months, I got the title of "third key" which is basically I'm the assistant manager when the assistant is gone. Then, they decided to hire a new customer service manager that I will call Linda. That woman was CRAZY. While I was 23 at the time, she was only 20 acting like she owned the world.
To give you an idea, in the span of 8 months being here, she got 11 employees fired for stupid reasons and since our director at the time was just as crazy... it was easier for her to get her way. Also, when I say stupid reasons, I'll give you a few examples: Benji got fired because he was "talking too loud" in the break room and it was disturbing her peace and supposedly making her harder to rest to come back fully ready to finish her shift. Marie got fired because she HAD to take off work to go to a relative's funeral and couldn't give her 2 weeks notice. Rose got fired because she was getting "too old to do her job properly and it was ruining the pace of the team's work" (which is bs, I've never seen someone cut veggies and fruits as fast as her). And I could go on. Yes, some of them could've been able to be protested against and even file a complaint against her. Mind you, outside of Rose, everybody was too young to just wanting to fight for a grocery store job. Even Rose just decided to take her retirement earlier and fucked off the work world lol.
Anyways, she took it too far when she tried to mess with me. To give you the context, we had a huge special on lemons and sometimes, those fruits can get rotten and you don't notice it because there's no smell. The only way you'd know is by going through the several small boxes of like 10ish lemons and look at them all one by one. Which I did regularly, but hey, I'm not a robot, sometimes some of them slipped out of my eyes. I was leaving the backstore with more boxes when I saw Linda with a customer that seemed more than pissed. So I go see both of them because mind you.. she has a LEMON box and I work in the fruits department. So it's kind of my job to help IF I CAN. That's when I asked her "Hey Linda, do you need help with the lemons?" And right away she told me "Fuck off, I don't need your help, I already spoke to your manager. Go do your job for once." My face was literally like this 😳 as I went to my department. Even the pissed customer did a bombastic side eyes.
A few minutes later, I go back to the backstore to fulfill the missing products and my manager pulls me aside. "Hey OP, stay out of Linda's business. I can't protect you all the time for talking back." I stopped him right away asking what does he means cause as soon as she told me to fuck off, I did fuck off. He looked at me surprised and said he'd come back to me with it, but only tomorrow because he's finishing his shift and for some personal reason, he can't stay longer to solve the issue. Since Linda was the manager on guard that night, he told me to stay in the back as much as possible to stay in her good graces. That's what I did.
One hour after my manager left, I heard my name being called in the front office (shared by the customer service manager and director). Big wtf. I go in the front and all of my colleagues are looking at me like I'm a prisoner going to their death sentence. Mind you, I know my laws and my rights. I might be young, but as soon as I got called, I started reciting in my head the main laws and rights she has to respect. I open the door's office and Linda is FUMING. And she is alone. She asks me to close the door and I tell her "No, it is my right to have someone in the room with us for this talk. I am not comfortable being alone with you." She starts freaking out and starts to speak louder, on the verge of screaming. "Linda. This room is recorded 24/7 and the customers can hear you talking to me like that. Lower your tone and find a witness to be in the room or I'll go back to work." She stands up to look outside the office and sees that indeed, there's a line in front of the cash looking to the office's direction. She takes a few deep breaths and calls Gabrielle who takes care of the finances of the store so she can be a witness. From the moment Gab got into the room, she seemed like she wanted to get away, so do I.
Gab took a seat in the back and Linda starts her whole speech. I'll be paraphrasing cause the meeting took almost an hour.
L: You know why I brought you here, right? OP: Not really, I've been in the backstore minding my business. Why? L: Well you disrespected my authority in front of a customer and that's a big no no for the company. OP: For the company or for you? L: OP, this is not the topic. You shouldn't be disrespecting authority in front of customers. It makes the managers look bad. OP: I was honestly just trying to help because you had a box of products from my department. I just wanted to help because the customer looked pissed and I didn't want him to ruin your fragile mood. L: My fragile mood?! Are you fucking serious?! OP: Linda, we are being recorded and we have a witness. I'm asking you to stay polite and not scream or I will file a complaint against you. L: Are threatening me??? OP: No, I am stating my rights and making you aware of where your attitude will lead you. I won't accept being talked like that by someone that ain't even my manager. L: Okay OP, let me remind you where your position stands in this business.
That bitch started to draw a triangle, put her name at the tippidy top and mine at the bottom. I didn't even let her finish what she had to say, I stormed off the office, went into the employees lockers, took my stuff and headed out. Linda ran after me, yelling like a psycho "YOU CAN'T LEAVE LIKE THAT! YOU'RE STILL SCHEDULED FOR THE CLOSE!" I stopped on my steps, making Linda almost run into me and said with the most blank expression I could have "Linda, you crossed a line and since you're so good at your job, close my department for me. I will be filing a complaint against you." And left the work place.
Next morning, I came to work as usual and had to see my manager and the director. I explained them the whole situation and showed the papers I was about to send to file a complaint against Linda. Also, this dumb bitch didn't even throw her pyramid in the trash. It was still on display when the director came in to work and asked me what it was. I asked her to look at the cameras, put the sound on and listen to the whole meeting. We watched it to my director's horror and who came in to work in the middle of our screening time? Linda! She came into the office and Linda being a poc turned white as a ghost. I've never seen her being so so pale. "W-what are you doing?" The director asked Linda to sit down and we watched again the video. Mind you, it took us one full hour to watch because she was in a never ending power trip. She used to be smart when she was bullying and making stories about past employees, doing it far from the cameras and usually using the other office that doesn't have cameras or a microphone, but she wasn't with me. I guess she got comfortable or whatever, but check mate on her ass.
My director said I could go back to work with my manager, that she would take care of the rest. Two weeks later, Linda still had her job, but our director resigned from her job right away. Which was hella weird, but whatever. We got a new director, she was a total sweet heart and she noticed Linda's crazy power trips right away. She decided to launch an intern investigation, but sadly, all the employees Linda bullied were fired. There was only me and my little complaint waiting to be served. When Nancy, our new director, came to me asking if I knew anything about Linda. I gave her the file, the time stamps of the video tape, all the employees she fired for stupid reasons with the old director and also phone numbers of those employees.
Flash forward 2 weeks later, Linda left work earlier, balling her eyes out yelling how Nancy was a bitch and didn't deserve her job. How she always came in earlier, put in the work and yadi yada. Nancy waited a few more days before asking me to come into the office and again, I'll be paraphrasing because a lot have been said.
N: HI OP, don't worry, you're not in any trouble. I just saw your CV and noticed you've had a lot of experience in customer service. OP: Yes, I used to be a cashier for almost 5 years, it was my first job. Why? N: I've seen your file, your CV and how you managed the conversation with Linda. We are actually looking for a new customer service manager since Linda have been let go. OP: What about my actual position? N: It's easier to find a fruits and vegetables commis than it is to find a competent service manager.. as you experienced.
I ended up accepting the position and all my co-workers cheered for my raise. I don't want to brag, but I've always been the one to defend everybody in the place, making sure I'll keep my job in the process and following the laws and rights. A few months later, Linda came back to the store as a customer and the look she had on her face when she saw me at the cash with the manager uniform was priceless. It was even more priceless when she asked me when I got the promotion and I told her the exact date, which matched her departure. "So you got my position when I left?" I just nodded and asked if I could do anything more to help have a better experience in the store. She didn't answer to that and just left after paying her things.
To this day, it's still one of my favorite moments to have been through. I'm not a petty person, but if I can ruin you in the process of me trying to defend my people, I'll be more than happy to do so. Last I've heard of Linda, she was working for the competitor, but never had any promotions.

I wanted to share a few notes from my session today, where I meet with an IFS therapist.
I started the session without any obvious topics - historically the obvious topics have been "what am I in crisis about right now". We reflected on how this is a sign of just how far I've come over the last ~2 years.
Then we moved into connecting with parts "internally".
I know I've been experiencing upset and various other emotions and challenges lately about my bad eating habits.
The parts that showed up about this topic were "talking" to me in the form of bringing specific series of memories to the surface. These were a compilation of moments from my childhood where I was sharing snacks and food with my parents (some were from visits with my dad after he left, some with my mom and stepdad).
What became apparent after watching these memories flash through my mind was just how much was lacking from these memories. The food was very obviously the only positive thing. My entire memory was focused on how delicious the food was or how tasty the beverage was.
This part started to feel really heavy and sad - thinking about just how much time from my life was spent eating food and really just using the food as a replacement for any real or positive connection.
Another part showed up that wanted to tell me that I should be so lucky to have had as much time living as I have (I'm 41).
I feel like this has opened a new opportunity for me to sit with these memories and sadness the next time I reach for a food or drink that I ultimately don't feel good about consuming afterwards.
Just thought I'd share that!

We've been in a nanny share with our daughter (22m) and another girl (20m) for the last year and a half. We think nanny provides excellent loving care to the girls and has done a wonderful job supporting their development until now. We have had some issues that have largely been unaddressed despite our bringing them to nanny's attention (lack of tidying, stroller being dirty and left with trash every week). When we've tried to have her address these complaints she often says she doesn't have time during the day with two toddlers.
Nanny takes the girls all over the neighborhood to do activities and we really value that initiative. However, now that the girls have transitioned to one nap a day they tend to do this nap in the stroller on the go and it doesn't seem to be very long or restful. When they do nap inside its usually what's in my opinion far too early in the morning (around 9:30 or 10). Both scenarios lead my daughter to be seemingly overtired at the end of the day which is a bummer for us in the few hours we have together after work. The toddlers do have somewhat different sleep schedules, with the other girl tending to wake much earlier (4-6am) and mine consistently at 7am.
The other MB and I recently discussed the nap situation and agreed that we'd like to have the girls do one long consistent nap in the late morning/afternoon. Based on both our experiences with the girls on weekends/days off this felt very realistic. Our motivation is twofold: (1) it wold help the girls be more rested in the evenings, which we want for quality family time; and (2) we see how hard nanny works and want her to have time to rest sitting down (not walking around for a stroller nap).
When we communicated all this to nanny we were met with a lot of pushback and a lot of reasons why this wouldn't work, related to making it to/from activities in the neighborhood. We asked if we could just try this approach for 1 week and still received a lot of pushback and ultimately I don't think nanny followed through with our request.
Now a few weeks later things are back to how they had been. I'm noticing my daughter now sleeping much later in the morning unless we wake her up (and then she's grumpy!) and I'm feeling very powerless. Its frustrating to feel like our wishes as the employer and parents aren't being respected.
My husband and I are starting to wonder if its just time to move on from this situation. We want to start our daughter in part time am preschool this summer and originally thought we would continue to employ nanny full time in the share and have her do daily pick ups (and do nap in the afternoon). But now seeing how inflexible she's willing to be around scheduling, I'm wondering if these types of issues will only get worse. On the other hand, I'm nervous about instigating such big transitions for our toddler all at once (starting preschool, no longer being with her nanny or the other toddler).
To what degree is this something I should expect with any caregiver? I understand when I hire someone else to take care of my child I relinquish some control. Would love to hear other perspectives, ways to think about this, or possible third solutions? Thank you!

My journey towards my first injection of Zepbound the Friday before last started at an age earlier than I can remember. I was told that I would finish bottles twice as fast as my brother and sisters did and that was just the beginning. I can remember my first official diet at the age of 10 and can recall the allowances given by Weight Watchers to this day, 6 protein, 5 starch, 5 dairy, 3 fats, and 3 fruits, with unlimited servings of vegetables. At the time this was the accepted way of doing things and the family followed this plan together. We would calculate these portions and buy frozen meals that had these values written on the side. I never would have known that this would be the start of a lifelong battle, where I was accepted and validated while losing weight, dismissed and ridiculed when I wasn’t. In my house weight loss was looked at as a matter of willpower and my father would take me to the grocery store where we would open the bakery cabinet and breathe in the scents of the muffins, brownies, and other pastries without giving in the the temptation of eating any of them. The yo-yoing of my weight started then and continued through 5 years ago, when I was larger than ever and found my way to a weight loss clinic that restricted calories down to 800 a day before building back up over time, mostly through the use of bars and shakes, alongside a meal of protein and veggies. Just like in the past I was able to shed weight on command with a restrictive system, eventually losing 140 pounds, which brought me from 388 down to 248. This was by far the largest loss of my life, having had losses of 90, 75, and multiple losses in the 30-50 range. This time it felt different, but the binge eating at night came back every time I would get to the 250 range. Like clockwork I would creep up and the nurse practitioner would ask if I wanted to try a medication to help and instantly I would take offense and lose the 15 pounds that crept back on, realizing along the way that I needed someone to doubt me, that I needed someone to not believe in me to get back on track. Through this entire journey I had told every person involved that I would be impressed if they could help me keep myself within a 15 pound range for over a year. This method came close but it was always 15 up and 15 down, cycling nearly every other month. This epiphany was met with curiosity and I eventually was referred to a mindful nutritionist that focused on talking through my binge eating issues and removing the good vs. bad labels that I placed on each food my entire life as it relates to food. It took some time to get on their calendar and by then I had risen to 270 pounds. I started this new part of the journey barely eating any real foods and over time I incorporated foods into my life, while removing the labels associated with them. My weight crept up, but I knew this was part of the plan as I judged less and shamed myself even less. I knew this as I had taken up zen meditation over the past few years and along the way I noticed a voice in my head, that voice used my mother’s nickname for me and whenever clothes started to tighten I would hear this admonition, and then one day I realized that I was saying these shame ridden insult out loud to myself. Over the course of a year I reduced my binge eating considerably and accepted more foods into my life. I also noticed that I would often tell my children that “I couldn’t be trusted” with his food and that food and over time I stopped doing these things, both to my benefit and their’s, as the parentification wasn’t good for either of us. Despite all of this I still continued to see the numbers climb, but didn’t weigh myself and felt better than I ever had at such a high weight. As I went past the 300 mark the guilt wasn’t there and the shame was lessened to a a degree I couldn’t imagine. Along this path I believed that the more self acceptance I could show, the less shame I would feel, and in turn I would eat only one hungry, at least eventually. My weight stabilized and I thought I was in my way,but my clothes kept getting tighter, bit by bit over time. At my next physical my doctor looked at my weight and immediately went to suggesting medication. As I tried to explain my work with my nutritionist he was dismissive and kept referring to the work I was doing as being on a diet, which I had refused to do. I was incorporating all foods in my life while not binging and although I physically didn’t feel great, I was proud of the mental place I was in. It was at this time that I began a 4-5 month dialogue between my doctor and my nutritionist. Talking about my goals, fears, and everything in between. I had become comfortable in a bigger body and accepting of it, however I was starting to notice the effect on my psyche, especially at work when I had to present and speak publicly or on camera. I came to the conclusion that I just wanted to be able to exercise regularly and buy clothes at a regular store, staying at XXL sizes or below. My nutritionist was along for the ride and while she never had a patient on Zepbound her approval meant the world to me as I had my doctor place the prescription in at the pharmacy. It was another 2 months before I asked them to fill it and I eventually had it delivered and in my fridge. I had been dismissive of everyone who had bariatric surgery and other interventions, for they didn’t have the “willpower” that I had to lose weight on command. Swallowing my pride I injected myself 11 days ago not knowing what to expect. The injection instead served as admission that I was no better than anyone else and that I could accept medical intervention for something that I just couldn’t solve in any way. After the injection I experienced a profound moment where I went to the pantry prior to a Zoom panel discussion that would have 400 people on it. In this moment I realized that I always came here prior to speaking publicly, it his time was different. I realized I wasn’t hungry and I also realized that my anxiety was lessened in a way far beyond my appetite and impulses. In the 11 days since I have come to terms with the fact that I suffered from anxiety deeper than I ever knew and this new medication made that completely clear. I now move forward hoping to stay in XXL or lower, but fearful that without this medication my anxiety will come back, with my impulsive eating right behind. I then come back to the fact that I will continue the meditation practice, exercise routine, and self acceptance tools that I’ve worked on diligently over the years to guide my path. I don’t know where this journey will take me, but I am glad that I was able to share this publicly for the first time here on Reddit

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac dates
10 things about cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac traits
cancer zodiac personality
cancer zodiac symbol
cancer zodiac month
cancer zodiac tattoo
cancer zodiac characteristics
cancer zodiac facts
cancer zodiac sign
cancer zodiac animal
cancer zodiac and capricorn
cancer zodiac art
cancer zodiac aesthetic
cancer zodiac air sign
cancer zodiac astrology
cancer zodiac attributes
cancer zodiac and scorpio
cancer zodiac and aries
cancer zodiac and aquarius
about cancer zodiac sign
all about cancer zodiac
are cancer zodiac dangerous
about cancer zodiac sign girl
age of cancer zodiac
attributes of cancer zodiac sign
after cancer zodiac
animal for cancer zodiac sign
anime characters cancer zodiac
aries and cancer zodiac sign compatibility
cancer zodiac birthday
cancer zodiac bad traits
cancer zodiac birthstone
cancer zodiac best match
cancer zodiac birth dates
cancer zodiac body part
cancer zodiac background
cancer zodiac bracelet
cancer zodiac best friends
cancer zodiac baby girl
best crystals for cancer zodiac
bad things about cancer zodiac
boy cancer zodiac
best match for cancer zodiac
birthday wishes for cancer zodiac
best color for cancer zodiac
best job for cancer zodiac
best stone for cancer zodiac
birthstone for cancer zodiac
bracelet for cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac compatibility
cancer zodiac color
cancer zodiac celebrities
cancer zodiac constellation
cancer zodiac crystals
cancer zodiac color palette
cancer zodiac characteristics female
cancer zodiac compatibility chart
cancer zodiac chinese
cancer zodiac sign dates
cancer zodiac dates range
cancer zodiac description
cancer zodiac days
cancer zodiac demon
cancer zodiac drawing
cancer zodiac daily
cancer zodiac dates 2024
cancer zodiac dogs
cancer zodiac dark side
definition of cancer zodiac sign
dates for cancer zodiac sign
dark side of cancer zodiac signs
dragon cancer zodiac
different types of cancer zodiac
demon cancer zodiac
does cancer zodiac have anger issues
description of cancer zodiac sign
double cancer zodiac
diamond for cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac element
cancer zodiac emoji
cancer zodiac enemies
cancer zodiac explained
cancer zodiac earrings
cancer zodiac energy
cancer zodiac ear piercing
cancer zodiac eyes
cancer zodiac español
cancer zodiac emotionally manipulative
everything about cancer zodiac
evolved cancer zodiac
element of cancer zodiac
evil cancer zodiac
enemy of cancer zodiac
emerald for cancer zodiac
easy cancer zodiac drawing
emotional cancer zodiac
explain cancer zodiac sign
everything you need to know about cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac flower
cancer zodiac flower tattoo
cancer zodiac for today
cancer zodiac female
cancer zodiac favorite color
cancer zodiac famous people
cancer zodiac fire sign
cancer zodiac friends
cancer zodiac facts male
facts about cancer zodiac sign
facts about cancer zodiac woman
fun facts about cancer zodiac
famous cancer zodiac
flower for cancer zodiac
facts about cancer zodiac man
features of cancer zodiac sign
female cancer zodiac sign
friends of cancer zodiac
funny cancer zodiac quotes
cancer zodiac girl
cancer zodiac gemstone
cancer zodiac greek god
cancer zodiac god
cancer zodiac goddess
cancer zodiac gif
cancer zodiac gem
cancer zodiac good and bad traits
cancer zodiac good in bed
cancer zodiac gifts
good things about cancer zodiac
geek bar cancer zodiac flavor
gemstone for cancer zodiac
girl cancer zodiac
gifts for cancer zodiac man
gifts for cancer zodiac woman
gemstone for cancer zodiac sign
girly cancer zodiac tattoo
god of cancer zodiac
gem for cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac horoscope today
cancer zodiac horoscope
cancer zodiac health problems
cancer zodiac horoscope 2024
cancer zodiac history
cancer zodiac house
cancer zodiac hand tattoo
cancer zodiac hair color
cancer zodiac hoodie
cancer zodiac humor
how rare is cancer zodiac sign
happy birthday cancer zodiac
how is cancer zodiac sign
how dangerous is cancer zodiac
how to be friends with a cancer zodiac
how will cancer zodiac die
how to deal with cancer zodiac sign
healing crystals for cancer zodiac
habits of cancer zodiac
herbs for cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac in hindi
cancer zodiac in chinese
cancer zodiac images
cancer zodiac in telugu
cancer zodiac info
cancer zodiac in spanish
cancer zodiac is what month
cancer zodiac in relationships
cancer zodiac information
cancer zodiac in 2024
is cancer zodiac dangerous
interesting facts about cancer zodiac
is cancer zodiac rare
information about cancer zodiac sign
is cancer zodiac rich or poor
instagram bio for cancer zodiac
images of cancer zodiac sign
is cancer zodiac sign lucky
indian celebrities with cancer zodiac sign
is cancer zodiac a water sign
cancer zodiac jewelry
cancer zodiac jobs
cancer zodiac july
cancer zodiac june
cancer zodiac january 2024
cancer zodiac june 21
cancer zodiac japanese
cancer zodiac july 22
cancer zodiac june 27
cancer zodiac july 16
july cancer zodiac
jobs for cancer zodiac
june cancer zodiac sign
july cancer zodiac traits
jewelry for cancer zodiac
june cancer zodiac personality
june cancer zodiac traits
june vs july cancer zodiac
july birthday cancer zodiac
jade for cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac kids
cancer zodiac keywords
cancer zodiac keychain
cancer zodiac kpop idols
cancer zodiac killers
cancer zodiac karma
cancer zodiac know for
cancer zodiac keyboard symbol
cancer zodiac child
cancer zodiac knight
kpop idols cancer zodiac
kpop idols who have cancer zodiac sign
korean actors cancer zodiac
korean celebrities with cancer zodiac sign
katangian ng cancer zodiac
karaang napta cancer zodiac sign
karma cancer zodiac
what kind of person is cancer zodiac sign
things to know about cancer zodiac
everything to know about cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac lucky numbers
cancer zodiac love
cancer zodiac logo
cancer zodiac love language
cancer zodiac lucky colors
cancer zodiac love compatibility
cancer zodiac libra
cancer zodiac lips
cancer zodiac least compatibility
cancer zodiac leo
lucky stone for cancer zodiac sign
logo cancer zodiac
leo and cancer zodiac sign
lucky color for cancer zodiac
lucky wallpaper for cancer zodiac
lucky number for cancer zodiac sign
lunar eclipse effect on cancer zodiac
libra and cancer zodiac sign compatibility
last day of cancer zodiac
love life of cancer zodiac sign
cancer zodiac meaning
cancer zodiac men
cancer zodiac memes
cancer zodiac match
cancer zodiac month dates
cancer zodiac moon sign
cancer zodiac moon
cancer zodiac meaning male
cancer zodiac meaning female
meaning of cancer zodiac sign
male cancer zodiac
meaningful cancer zodiac tattoo
more about cancer zodiac sign
month of cancer zodiac sign
moonstone for cancer zodiac
month of cancer zodiac
male cancer zodiac tattoo
match for cancer zodiac
mlbb cancer zodiac skin
cancer zodiac necklace
cancer zodiac negative traits
cancer zodiac number
cancer zodiac names
cancer zodiac nails
cancer zodiac nail designs
cancer zodiac nicknames
cancer zodiac necklace gold
cancer zodiac neck tattoo
cancer zodiac necklace silver
nicknames for cancer zodiac
names for cancer zodiac girl
nature of cancer zodiac sign
names for cancer zodiac boy
negatives of cancer zodiac
nature of cancer zodiac
number for cancer zodiac
nba players cancer zodiac
names related to cancer zodiac
next to cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac outfits
cancer zodiac origin
cancer zodiac opposite
cancer zodiac opposite sign
cancer zodiac overview
cancer zodiac of the day
cancer zodiac oc
cancer zodiac origin story
cancer zodiac occupations
cancer zodiac other names
opposite of cancer zodiac
one word to describe cancer zodiac
other names for cancer zodiac
outfits for cancer zodiac sign
opal for cancer zodiac
one piece cancer zodiac
october cancer zodiac
onyx for cancer zodiac
another word for cancer zodiac
ox cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac personality traits
cancer zodiac planet
cancer zodiac personality female
cancer zodiac personality male
cancer zodiac pictures
cancer zodiac powers
cancer zodiac pros and cons
cancer zodiac pendant
cancer zodiac power color
personality of cancer zodiac sign
picture of cancer zodiac sign
pros and cons of cancer zodiac
pictures of cancer zodiac sign girl
planet for cancer zodiac
pisces and cancer zodiac sign
power of cancer zodiac sign
pearl for cancer zodiac
peacock cancer zodiac
perfect match for cancer zodiac sign
cancer zodiac quotes
cancer zodiac qualities
cancer zodiac quotes funny
cancer zodiac quiz
cancer zodiac questions
cancer zodiac quote of the day
cancer zodiac quiet
cancer zodiac quiz buzzfeed
cancer zodiac quora
cancer zodiac queen
qualities of cancer zodiac sign
qualities of a cancer zodiac
quotes about cancer zodiac
questions to ask a cancer zodiac
quotes for cancer zodiac sign
quiet cancer zodiac
questions for cancer zodiac
questions to ask a cancer zodiac sign
quiz for cancer zodiac
quora cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac reading
cancer zodiac red flags
cancer zodiac reading today
cancer zodiac ruling planet
cancer zodiac rising sign
cancer zodiac relationship
cancer zodiac reddit
cancer zodiac ring
cancer zodiac range
cancer zodiac rappers
ring for cancer zodiac
ruby for cancer zodiac
rabbit cancer zodiac
red flag cancer zodiac
rappers that are cancer zodiac sign
real cancer zodiac facts
rat cancer zodiac
ruling planet of cancer zodiac sign
random facts about cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac sign traits
cancer zodiac sign meaning
cancer zodiac sign month
cancer zodiac stone
cancer zodiac soulmate
cancer zodiac sign compatibility
cancer zodiac sign tattoo
sign of cancer zodiac
stones for cancer zodiac
symbol for cancer zodiac
stone for cancer zodiac sign
symbol of cancer zodiac sign
scary facts about cancer zodiac
serial killers with cancer zodiac sign
cancer zodiac tattoo ideas
cancer zodiac today
cancer zodiac tattoos for females
cancer zodiac traits female
cancer zodiac traits male
cancer zodiac tattoos for guys
cancer zodiac tarot card
cancer zodiac type
traits of cancer zodiac
things about cancer zodiac sign
tattoo cancer zodiac
types of cancer zodiac
tattoo ideas for cancer zodiac
the meaning of cancer zodiac sign
tattoo cancer zodiac sign
today cancer zodiac
today cancer zodiac sign
today's cancer zodiac horoscope
cancer zodiac urban dictionary
cancer zodiac usernames
cancer zodiac upset
cancer zodiac usa today
cancer zodiac usernames for instagram
cancer zodiac unlucky numbers
cancer zodiac unlucky color
cancer zodiac urdu
cancer zodiac unique facts
cancer zodiac unlucky
unique cancer zodiac tattoos
unique cancer zodiac tattoos for females
ugali ng cancer zodiac sign
understanding cancer zodiac
username for cancer zodiac
urban dictionary cancer zodiac sign
unhealthy cancer zodiac
usa today cancer zodiac
unknown facts about cancer zodiac
unlucky colour for cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac virgo
cancer zodiac vape
cancer zodiac vibes
cancer zodiac videos
cancer zodiac vs scorpio
cancer zodiac vs leo
cancer zodiac venus
cancer zodiac vector
cancer zodiac vs gemini
cancer zodiac vindictive
virgo and cancer zodiac sign
vans cancer zodiac
virgo and cancer zodiac
villains cancer zodiac
vintage cancer zodiac
vintage cancer zodiac charm
venus in cancer zodiac
van cleef zodiac pendant cancer
cancer zodiac in vietnamese
cancer zodiac water sign
cancer zodiac weakness
cancer zodiac woman
cancer zodiac wallpaper
cancer zodiac what month
cancer zodiac water or fire
cancer zodiac worst match
cancer zodiac worst traits
cancer zodiac when mad
cancer zodiac wallpaper aesthetic
what is a cancer zodiac
what month is cancer zodiac sign
what month is cancer zodiac
what color is cancer zodiac
weakness of cancer zodiac
what are the traits of a cancer zodiac sign
what is the meaning of cancer zodiac sign
woman cancer zodiac
what is a cancer zodiac animal
what is good about cancer zodiac sign
cancer x zodiac
zodiac cancer x gemini
astrology cancer x capricorn
cancer zodiac letters
cancer x
cancer x cancer zodiac compatibility
cancer x cancer zodiac
zodiak taurus x cancer
what sign are cancer
x cancer
cancer zodiac year 2024
cancer zodiac yin yang
cancer zodiac year
cancer zodiac yin or yang
cancer zodiac yesterday
cancer zodiac year of dragon
what are cancer zodiac signs
year 2024 for cancer zodiac
yin yang cancer zodiac
year of the dragon for cancer zodiac sign
year of cancer zodiac
youtubers with cancer zodiac
year 2023 for cancer zodiac sign
year of the dragon for cancer zodiac
what year is cancer zodiac sign
what does it mean if you are a cancer zodiac
how to know if your a cancer zodiac sign
cancer astrology zone
cancer zodiac pisces zodiac
why are zodiac cancers so dangerous
cancer about zodiac
cancer zodiac in chinese zodiac
cancer zodiac zodiac
cancer sheep zodiac
zodiac cancer characteristics
zodiac cancer celebrities
zodiac cancer child
zodiac cancer chart
cancer horoscope 0800
cancer zodiac july 07
horoscope cancer 09 juin 2023
are cancers good for cancers
are cancers lucky
cancer sun 0 degrees
cancer 0 degrees
what are cancers sign
why are cancers called cancer
why is cancer called cancer zodiac
what represents cancer zodiac
0 degree cancer astrology
0 degree cancer
0 cancer
cancer zodiac 15 year cycle
cancer zodiac 10 things
cancer zodiac 10
cancer zodiac 18k
cancer zodiac 15th birthday
cancer 101 zodiac
zodiac cancer 16
cancer horoscope 19 march 2024
cancer horoscope 13 december 2023
cancer horoscope 11 march 2024
10 bad things about cancer zodiac
10 things about cancer zodiac male
10 things about cancer zodiac female
100 facts about cancer zodiac
10 facts about cancer zodiac
10 good things about cancer zodiac
10 interesting facts about cancer zodiac
10 facts about cancer zodiac sign
14k gold cancer zodiac necklace
cancer zodiac 2024
cancer zodiac 2024 prediction
cancer zodiac 2023
cancer zodiac 2025
cancer zodiac 2024 january
cancer zodiac 2024 career
cancer zodiac 2023 predictions
cancer zodiac 2024 in hindi
cancer zodiac 2024 march
cancer zodiac 2023 horoscope
2024 for cancer zodiac
2 types of cancer zodiac
2025 for cancer zodiac
20 facts about cancer zodiac
2026 for cancer zodiac
2023 for cancer zodiac
2023 cancer zodiac predictions
2024 prediction for cancer zodiac
2024 lucky color for cancer zodiac sign
2024 color of the year for cancer zodiac sign
cancer zodiac 3 stages
cancer zodiac 3 types
cancer zodiac 3 signs
cancer 3 zodiac
cancer horoscope 31 january 2024
cancer horoscope 30 march 2024
cancer horoscope 31 july 2023
cancer horoscope 30 march 2023
cancer horoscope 30 august 2023
cancer horoscope 30 november 2023
3 types of cancer zodiac
3 stages of cancer zodiac
3 words to describe cancer zodiac
3 facts about cancer zodiac
3 different types of cancer zodiac
3d cancer zodiac sign
3 fun facts about cancer zodiac
august 31 zodiac sign compatibility with cancer
cancer june 30 zodiac sign
cancer zodiac june 30
cancer horoscope 4 march 2024
cancer horoscope 4 april 2024
cancer horoscope 4 may 2023
cancer horoscope 4 january 2024
cancer horoscope 4 october 2023
cancer horoscope 4 april 2023
cancer horoscope 4 september 2023
cancer horoscope 4th december 2023
cancer horoscope 4 july 2023
cancer horoscope 4 june 2023
4 types of cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac wallpaper 4k
cancer zodiac july 4
zodiac sign of cancer 4 letters
what do cancer zodiac sign mean
cancer zodiac rules
4 cancers
zodiac cancer types
cancer horoscope 5 march 2024
cancer horoscope 5 april 2024
cancer horoscope 5 october 2023
cancer horoscope 5 april 2023
cancer horoscope 5 june 2023
cancer horoscope 5 july 2023
cancer horoscope 5 january 2024
cancer horoscope 5 may 2023
cancer horoscope 5 february 2024
cancer horoscope 5 december 2023
5 facts about cancer zodiac
50 cent is a cancer zodiac
50 cent zodiac sign cancer
cancer 5th house zodiac
cancer zodiac sign july 5
cancer zodiac july 5
june 5 zodiac sign cancer
5 cancers
cancer zodiac 69
cancer zodiac 69 tattoo
cancer zodiac 69 meaning
cancer horoscope 6 march 2024
cancer horoscope 6 july 2023
cancer horoscope 6 april 2023
cancer horoscope 6 december 2023
cancer horoscope 6 october 2023
cancer horoscope 6 june 2023
cancer horoscope 6 september 2023
69 cancer zodiac
meaning of cancer zodiac sign 69
cancer zodiac july 6
what does the 69 mean for cancer
cancer born on july 6
cancer big 6 astrology
69 cancer sign
6 cancer causing foods
cancer horoscope 7 march 2024
cancer horoscope 7 may 2023
cancer horoscope 7 september 2023
cancer horoscope 7 july 2023
cancer horoscope 7 june 2023
cancer horoscope 7th may 2023
cancer horoscope 7 november 2023
cancer horoscope 7 august 2023
cancer horoscope 7 april 2023
cancer horoscope 7 february 2024
cancer zodiac july 7
cancer horoscope 8 march 2024
cancer horoscope 8 january 2024
cancer horoscope 8 may 2023
cancer horoscope 8 september 2023
cancer horoscope 8 june 2023
cancer horoscope 8 april 2023
cancer horoscope 8 august 2023
cancer horoscope 8 december 2023
cancer horoscope 8 november 2023
cancer horoscope 8th march 2024
july 8th cancer zodiac
cancer zodiac july 8
signo zodiacal cancer julio 8
what flower represents cancer zodiac
why cancer is dangerous zodiac
what gifts do cancers like
cancer 8h
cancer horoscope 9 june 2023
cancer horoscope 9 may 2023
cancer horoscope 9 march 2024
cancer horoscope 9 january 2024
cancer horoscope 9 april 2023
cancer horoscope 9 october 2023
cancer horoscope 9 september 2023
cancer horoscope 9 november 2023
cancer horoscope 9 august 2023
cancer horoscope 9th april 2023
9 cancer zodiac sign
july 9 zodiac sign cancer
cancer zodiac july 9
what do cancer look like zodiac
what does cancer hate zodiac
9 cancer symptoms
what cancer zodiac sign
what cancer zodiac sign means

I haven't browsed this subreddit in a while, but I thought I'd pop in and share my experience to hopefully maybe encourage some people here.
I experienced psychosis for the entirety of 2023, and the first couple months of 2024. Due to how long it was, having only dealt with psychotic episodes lasting a few days before (always due to drugs, that would wear off when the drugs were removed), I truly thought I was stuck dealing with it for life, but to my immense relief it finally gave way and ended in March of this year.
The full story:
My psychosis was initially triggered by drugs, specifically heavy stimulant abuse. I was staying up for 3-4 days at a time, repeatedly over the course of months, taking absolutely insane amounts of stimulants during that time, and basically in constant stimulant psychosis. I was hearing voices, paranoid my family were going to kill me or send me to rehab. I even thought that people from rehab were in my ceiling or walls planning to break in and grab me any moment.
I finally ended up landing myself in hospital after it reached its worst point and I called the police and fire brigade thinking my family had set my room on fire to kill me (spoiler alert: there was no fire). They carted me off in an ambulance, but the psych ward was full so I was just put in a regular bed with all the other patients and being still fully psychotic I ripped out my IV and walked out of there about half an hour later, not fully treated, with a $150 bill to deal with (I'm in the EU but on private healthcare). Regardless of the fact I wasn't treated, that event scared the life out of me so much that it was finally what made me decide to get clean.
I stopped the drugs in April 2023, but unfortunately, the psychosis did not go away. It certainly lessened over the few days after I quit drugs, but I was still hearing voices, convinced my family were going to kill me and that I could hear them plotting about it, thought I was constantly being monitored by cameras and spyware on my PC, and thought the neighbours were helping with my family's plot. Months passed with no improvement, I was terrified every day, and it was absolute torture.
Improvement for my symptoms all started with me seeing a psychiatrist in August of last year. I only reluctantly did that, because I wanted to tell the psychiatrist about my fears that my family would hurt me, so that if anything happened some authority figure would know and could contact the police. Once I saw her, and talked to her about my symptoms, I was put on Risperidone. It didn't completely cover my symptoms, my paranoia in particular seemed to be hard to treat and I was still constantly feeling like I was being watched and monitored - but while it was active in my system I almost never heard voices anymore, those mostly only cropped up if I took one of my doses a couple hours late or forgot a dose. After some dose adjustments I mostly stopped believing that my family intended to kill me (occasionally something would trigger those thoughts resurfacing but it was always temporary and would pass).
After a while I tried Haloperidol to see if it would rid me of the paranoia and be less sedating/numbing than Risperidone, it seemed to work better in that regard but gave me horrible akathisia, which was unbearable, so after a few days I returned to Risperidone, just at a slightly lower dose. The sedation and numbness was gone at that dose and it ended up still being enough to provide symptom relief (FWIW: that was, 0.5mg in the morning, 1mg in the afternoon, 1mg before bed).
Then in October I started seeing a therapist. I really can't recommend therapy enough. I truly didn't initially believe therapy could help at all, I figured since psychosis has a neuropharmacological basis, the only thing that could offer any relief was meds, and if the meds weren't ridding me of it entirely, then I was just stuck dealing with those remaining symptoms and my only option would be to try other meds and hope I eventually found something that gave me complete relief.
To my surprise though, therapy actually helped a LOT. My therapist helped me understand how a lot of my psychotic symptoms seemed to be a protective mechanism that my brain had, trying to protect me from certain things I was afraid of and underexposed to. I started exposure therapy, and started talking about my delusions and figuring out the reasons behind them. This eventually led to me starting to experience days when I no longer felt paranoid or like I was being watched.
Eventually, somewhere around December last year, this became the new norm. I was almost entirely symptom free. I did however still need to depend on my meds to keep it that way. If I was late to take or missed a dose, paranoia and even hallucinations would come back with a vengeance.
Fast forward to March this year though, and I ran out of Risperidone. It was a Sunday so my local pharmacy was closed and I had to wait an additional day to get meds. The longest I had ever missed a dose for before was a few hours, and that would always send me back into full blown intense auditory hallucinations, and sometimes mild visual ones, as well as deep paranoia like thinking my family were going to kill me.
But the day passed and.. Nothing. No voices, no thinking my family wanted to hurt me, no feeling like I was being watched. I just felt normal the entire time. From that point forward, when I forgot to take my doses on time, or forgot them entirely, nothing bad happened. I eventually spoke to my psychiatrist about this and she said I could start taking whatever dose I felt was right on a given day, anywhere from 0mg to 2.5mg total. Now I take far less, and often don't take it at all. In fact in the last week I think I've taken 0.5mg total over the entire week.
And no symptoms have returned. I'm not going to get myself too excited and say it's gone forever, I know there's a possibility I have schizophrenia and that this was one of potentially many episodes I may go through during my life. I'm also not going to stop my meds entirely for the time being, as I know that being on APs for at least a year substantially reduces the risk of a recurrent episode. That said, I at least discovered that a long episode CAN come to an end, something I truly didn't believe during the midst of it. I thought I would be suffering forever, but now I'm finally feeling better.
I thought I would share this story in case anyone else is in the thick of it right now and scared that they'll feel the way they do forever. It can get better.
If you aren't medicated already, I highly suggest it, and making sure to adjust dose or meds as necessary until you get relief from at least most of your symptoms. If a med or dose doesn't work for you, please tell your doctor right away and get it changed, don't suffer in silence!
& Just as importantly, if you aren't in therapy yet, please consider it and don't underestimate just how much therapy can make a difference. Meds are what kept the majority of my symptoms at bay, but I think therapy is actually what allowed me to improve until the symptoms were gone entirely. Without it I don't think I'd be symptom free today.
Wishing you all the best in your situations, stay strong and hold out hope 💗

I just hope that everyone who is stuck in entry level IT hell sees this and feels a bit encouraged. Granted, Sysadmin can still be a little entry-level and every company is going to be different, however:
In my old tech support job, we weren’t actually expected to come up with solutions or really do anything fulfilling for a tech minded person. We were all part of this well-oiled (“Hah…”) machine that was just supposed to run just fine with the automated systems and knowledgebase with the near unusable search system.
You know what wasn’t automated very well? Our ticketing system and logistics data entry. That was our real job, if I’m being honest. Entering serial numbers manually, documenting our every move, hauling around heavy monitors, swearing about our catalog offering desktops without SSDs… Really we were warehouse workers at the highest tier of local tech support. When it came to actual OS support the call center got to close out all the easy tickets, and we got stuck with the stuff that required bending the rules to fix and then choosing our words carefully in the documentation. If any of us wrote a helpful script, we knew it would be dismissed as a potential security vulnerability by people that didn’t have the time to look it over. I really could write pages and pages ranting, but this is more about the good parts of my next job.
Then it finally happened for me, I got out. I was hired onto a System Administrator role. Suddenly every PowerShell script I make is appreciated. My work and opinions are valued. If I find that a policy needs changing for my customer, I can make my case and be heard. When a patch breaks, I have full access to try to fix it and run it again. I only have to reload the OS when I see it fit, not when there’s still potential solutions left behind rights I don’t have. Years later I’m seeing procedures that I helped change, workloads that I helped reduce, and systems that I helped build. I’ve made a change, and that helps work not just feel like an endless grind against a brick wall. Sure, patching and scanning is super routine and a bit boring, but hey, I’m no longer worried I’m going to come back and find three toner delivery tickets on the clock like my last job. And, I don’t have a customer breathing down my back while I’m running those scans.
It feels like I’m actually working on computers again and using my brain. I’ve been a system administrator for a few years now and I’m really not burning out.

Please don't judge me or be harsh or trolling. I can't handle it at this point in time right now.... I am just moments close to ending everything because I just can't handle it anymore. please if you judge me just keep it to yourself please..
I am on ssi and ssd getting 158 on the first and 805 on the 3rd. the ssd is after both my parents passed they put me on my dads disability drawing off what he earned working but I was originally on ssi to begin with.
I get about 963 a month total to live on. Right now I am in major debt with credit cards since covid broke out. I had to use them to live on.
I moved in with my aunt who is living in apartments based on income but they are not section 8 but they accept section 8. When i moved in, i was told by the manager i didn't need to put my income since i was a cotenant. that was 10 yrs ago. come to find out. i had to put my income now i am being sued by the housing authority for 10k, i owe two more years. my aunt and i pay 220 a month to them. they don't care what happened they just want their money.
i owe one credit card company 4.5k, another 1.8k another 600 and another 700. when i applied for them, it was 3 plus years ago. i put that i made around 700k a year when i applied to them but i was on ssdi at the time making around 11k a year. i went on the websites 3 months ago fixed the right info.
I live in a small town where nothing is available for the next 20 plus miles and have no transport. my aunt won't take me anywhere. her son who si in his late 30's lives with us and works. my aunt is on disability. I get food stamps right now worth a 130 a month which goes to my aunt even though its for me. i pay her 450 a month rent incl internet lights and 130 in food. if i don't give her the food stamps then i have to pay her another 130 a month i can't afford since all my stuff is going to her and credit cards. i legit have nothing left each month right now with having to buy myself instant mashed potatoes, oatmeal top ramen soup, noodles and spaghetti sauce. i live on that through the month.
when she buys food with the food stamps it feeds her son, me and her. but it is only enough to last a week, then for the next 3 weeks i am starving barely eating because i can't afford much when i do buy stuff that i can put in my bedroom to eat on.
past week now, there has been no food, her son has been taking his mom and him out to eat all week not bringing anything home for me. im so hungry. the nearest food bank is 4 miles away one way, but i have no way to get there my aunt won't take me they don't deliver and when i tried getting medicaid transport to take me they said they don't schedule rides except to and from the dr's.
I have no other family, I have no friends. I have no vehicle. been trying to get a minivan so I could live in it. I am sometimes bed ridden due to my bad joints/back/knees/feet/right leg nerve damage. I also struggle from morbid obesity I am around 500 lbs and funny thing is, with how little i eat. i should be losing weight but its the complete opposite.
I will be 47 yrs old when I am out of debt with the credit card companies, I tried filing bankruptcy no one will touch me being under 10k in debt with the credit card companies. i contacted legal aid, the attorney who called me back said he can't help me because its under 10k. but told me how to file but chances of me filing and getting it are slim to none esp without legal help he said.
im thinking of ending my life next month when my aunt and her son leave for a week. I just can't keep living like this. if i had a minivan I could stay in it, do door dash for extra money, I could get around trying to find an aparment based on income. I bene accepted a few times to low income places but had no way to get there and now with all the debt I wouldn't be able to afford having my own place with the credit card debt.
if i stop paying the cards, and the debt collectors come after me, they could take me to court and if they do, they could show the judge i said i made 700k a year and i didn't make that much and was on disability at the time and making only 11k a year. i found out while looking into bankruptcy that it is fraud and i could face prison time.
i just don't know what to do anymore. i really don't know what to do anymore other than ending things next month to get out of this situation i put myself in with my aunt, debt, etc. I just can't do it anymore esp without a vehicle. esp since I am bed ridden half of the day here and there due to my bad joints and weight that i have carried around for 30 yrs destroying my joints and causing nerve damage to my right leg. I can't just get up and go on the streets and live on the streets not with how badly im in pain every day esp just walking to the corner store. just a simple walk to the corner store and back and i am bed rested for an entire day barely able to move.
i can't do it anymore...

Please don't judge me or be harsh or trolling. I can't handle it at this point in time right now.... I am just moments close to ending everything because I just can't handle it anymore. please if you judge me just keep it to yourself please..
I am on ssi and ssd getting 158 on the first and 805 on the 3rd. the ssd is after both my parents passed they put me on my dads disability drawing off what he earned working but I was originally on ssi to begin with.
I get about 963 a month total to live on. Right now I am in major debt with credit cards since covid broke out. I had to use them to live on.
I moved in with my aunt who is living in apartments based on income but they are not section 8 but they accept section 8. When i moved in, i was told by the manager i didn't need to put my income since i was a cotenant. that was 10 yrs ago. come to find out. i had to put my income now i am being sued by the housing authority for 10k, i owe two more years. my aunt and i pay 220 a month to them. they don't care what happened they just want their money.
i owe one credit card company 4.5k, another 1.8k another 600 and another 700. when i applied for them, it was 3 plus years ago. i put that i made around 700k a year when i applied to them but i was on ssdi at the time making around 11k a year. i went on the websites 3 months ago fixed the right info.
I live in a small town where nothing is available for the next 20 plus miles and have no transport. my aunt won't take me anywhere. her son who si in his late 30's lives with us and works. my aunt is on disability. I get food stamps right now worth a 130 a month which goes to my aunt even though its for me. i pay her 450 a month rent incl internet lights and 130 in food. if i don't give her the food stamps then i have to pay her another 130 a month i can't afford since all my stuff is going to her and credit cards. i legit have nothing left each month right now with having to buy myself instant mashed potatoes, oatmeal top ramen soup, noodles and spaghetti sauce. i live on that through the month.
when she buys food with the food stamps it feeds her son, me and her. but it is only enough to last a week, then for the next 3 weeks i am starving barely eating because i can't afford much when i do buy stuff that i can put in my bedroom to eat on.
past week now, there has been no food, her son has been taking his mom and him out to eat all week not bringing anything home for me. im so hungry. the nearest food bank is 4 miles away one way, but i have no way to get there my aunt won't take me they don't deliver and when i tried getting medicaid transport to take me they said they don't schedule rides except to and from the dr's.
I have no other family, I have no friends. I have no vehicle. been trying to get a minivan so I could live in it. I am sometimes bed ridden due to my bad joints/back/knees/feet/right leg nerve damage. I also struggle from morbid obesity I am around 500 lbs and funny thing is, with how little i eat. i should be losing weight but its the complete opposite.
I will be 47 yrs old when I am out of debt with the credit card companies, I tried filing bankruptcy no one will touch me being under 10k in debt with the credit card companies. i contacted legal aid, the attorney who called me back said he can't help me because its under 10k. but told me how to file but chances of me filing and getting it are slim to none esp without legal help he said.
im thinking of ending my life next month when my aunt and her son leave for a week. I just can't keep living like this. if i had a minivan I could stay in it, do door dash for extra money, I could get around trying to find an aparment based on income. I bene accepted a few times to low income places but had no way to get there and now with all the debt I wouldn't be able to afford having my own place with the credit card debt.
if i stop paying the cards, and the debt collectors come after me, they could take me to court and if they do, they could show the judge i said i made 700k a year and i didn't make that much and was on disability at the time and making only 11k a year. i found out while looking into bankruptcy that it is fraud and i could face prison time.
i just don't know what to do anymore. i really don't know what to do anymore other than ending things next month to get out of this situation i put myself in with my aunt, debt, etc. I just can't do it anymore esp without a vehicle. esp since I am bed ridden half of the day here and there due to my bad joints and weight that i have carried around for 30 yrs destroying my joints and causing nerve damage to my right leg. I can't just get up and go on the streets and live on the streets not with how badly im in pain every day esp just walking to the corner store. just a simple walk to the corner store and back and i am bed rested for an entire day barely able to move.
i can't do it anymore...

Heya! These posts/introduction messages always feel awkward and forced for me 😅 so buckle up 🤪…
Let’s get what I’m looking for out of the way, as no sense in taking up more of your time if it’s obvious that we aren’t a fit.
What I’m seeking:
As of current, my primary interests align most with a FWB situation, but I am open to any form of connection that develops organically between us (including simple friendship). I’m relatively open with regard to availability, though in an ideal world you would be open to seeing each other 1-2+ times a week. I’m attracted to a wide range of personalities and body types, so it can be hard to relay my interests there and is usually best just to connect and see if we click or not. I guess in the end, I’m pretty flexible in my interest and desires.
It’s also important to note that I do not smoke or drink at all. I don’t judge if you do either, but I will say that being around cigarette smoke is likely to be a dealbreaker for me. As for weed, I hate the smell, so I just ask that you please avoid smoking it around me. Vapes are fine, just please don’t blow them in my direction as I personally don’t care to breath that in. Alcohol I have no problem being around in all capacities lol get plastered for all I care.
A bit about myself:
It’s always hard to gauge what to share to the world in “bios” like this..I’ll try to highlight some of my most prominent characteristics and details 🤷‍♂️.
Let’s start physical. I’m 6’7”, definitely a dad bod with a bit of a stomach, 33 years young, long brown curly-ish/wavy hair (admittedly facing some male pattern baldness at my forehead hairline, so doing what I can with what I’ve got while I can 🤷‍♂️), brown eyes, wear glasses (if that matters to you at all), maintain a beard at all times (take the hair where I can, right? 🤪🤷‍♂️), and wear a size 19 shoe (putting that out there as it’s always a shocker 😆). No, I never played basketball for any teams growing up, but did play pickup games often after high school. The weather is just fine “up here” 🤪. As for style, or lack thereof 😆, you’ll likely always see me in some form of graphic or plain T-shirt with likely some form of shorts (I love the cold and hate being hot) year round, though every now and then I’ll change it up with pants and/or pollos 🤷‍♂️. I want to be more stylish tbh, but I don’t have the eye for good style, I’m colorblind, and often don’t feel other styles would suit my looks 🤷‍♂️. Speaking of looks, standard bearded Caucasian nerd looking dude lol, though when people see me, they might be quick to assume I’m the standard white conservative Christian type, when in reality I’m far from such (curse the genetics and looks I was born into 😭).
Kink friendly, so any questions or curiosity around such please feel free to bring up and discuss with me further.
I think that’s a good start on physical attributes, let’s move on to the internal ish…
Gah this section is much tougher to fill out 😅. Look, I just love just about everybody, will generally give everybody the time of day and benefit of doubt, can strike up a convo with just about anyone (though sometimes I need the other person to engage the start of that convo 😅), and would do my best to help and protect anyone around. I just want the best for everyone, ya know? I’d say i lean more extroverted, but do battle a moderate amount of social anxiety that im sure you’ve picked up on by now..you’d likely think im more introverted with how often I stay home and how little I randomly reach out to friends/others. It’s not that I don’t love getting out and about and don’t care to talk to my friends, I just get so caught up in my day to day life that it just doesn’t cross my mind, OR I get social anxiety (especially if I haven’t spoken to someone in a long time, I always worry they think I don’t care about them and our friendship).
Beyond this, it’s hard to list my other qualities, so I’ll just move on to interests and maybe that’ll help highlight more?
My Interests:
Can’t help but feel kind of boring and basic when filling out this section 😅. I feel like it’s a lot of what most people list as their interests and that my list is small/limited/boring. Travel Culture/language Food Music (very large and eclectic taste in music) Gaming of any form (video, board, etc) Puzzles/challenges/sports (I love a good challenge, so huge kudos if you are competitive) Technology (always fascinating what we are making in this world) I’d like to learn to dance but right now I’m very self conscious about my terrible dancing (I feel awkward 😔)
Disinterests: Low hanging ceiling fans and light fixtures 🤪
Details regarding my current Poly configuration:
I’m happily married with one child. If I do take on any new partners I never expect you to take on any form of relationship or responsibility for the rest of my family beyond just maintaining a safe space through proxy. My wife and I practice kitchen table Poly, so we are completely open to everyone happily interacting together, but if you aren’t comfortable interacting with the rest of my family no problem! Ask if you have any further questions on how we Poly ethically, happy to answer any questions!
Anyways, I’ve made this long enough…if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my post to entirety! Even if we aren’t meant to connect, you and your time are greatly appreciated! Sending my warmest regards and a friendly virtual hug ❤️.

I have been having left ovary pain, a mix of 4-10 day long periods, and sometimes late periods despite having an IUD. However my last blood draw all came back within normal ranges (insulin resistance, testosterone, etc).
I have recently been incorporating new habits. My boyfriend and I started to wake up early to go on walks before work and began shopping for healthier foods. We feel a lot better.
I am wondering people's experiences on metformin for PCOS, especially if all of the bloodwork etc was in range. Does it just regulate your periods, or are there other side effects that are lesser known?
I am excited to see how this all plays out. When she weighed me (clothed and after eating) I was already 3 pounds lighter than I was Friday morning and have been incorporating small changes for about 2 weeks now. I have such a good feeling about this.
Tldr: what was your experience on metformin? How did it help your PCOS?

Hello Vets, we were woken up at 2am to our 5 year old Boston bark and then yelp. When we turned on the lights we found her at the foot of our bed on the floor not moving. She was laying on her side and both her left rear and front libs were stiff. My husband did a quick all over exam and didn't find anything that appeared unusual so he tried to place her on her feet and she would not bear weight. She appeared calm but over the course of 20 mon while we monitored her did have some panting and awkward breathing pattern. So we drove to the emergency vet and there exam showed that while she would now bear some weight all her limbs were behaving unusually. They indicated possible seizure made her fall of the bed, maybe she sustained a blow to the head or there was something else neurological going on. As mentioned at home she was very calm and not making any pained sounds however after arriving at the vet she stared being visibly agitated and would move around the little bed we brought for her trying to get comfortable and whimpering. The vet suggestion this could be caused from the confusion of her limbs not doing what she wanted or expected of them. We decided at the time to do bloodwork and I asked if they could give her something to help her settle. The blood work results came back normal which she said was a very good indicator that she did not have a seizure so we decided to go with the anti inflammatory and take her home to rest. She has pretty much slept and rested since she we arrived home at 5am. She just recently did stir and so we allowed her to move as she wanted and just stayed close. She's still moving her legs awkwardly but she was bearing weight. She moved a bit and then settled into sort of lean into my son's leg and stayed there till we picked her up and put her back in her little bed and she's now sleeping again. I called our vet as soon as they opened but they can't see us till noon tomorrow. The butorphanpl lasts 6 to 8 hours according to the vet but I didn't think to ask how long it would take to see a full improvement if the anti inflammatory/pain med would work. The paperwork says 6 to 12 hours which takes us to 10am to 4pm but I wonder if I should just call the emergency vet and have them do the neuro referral or wait to see if she improves and see my vet tomorrow and see what he suggests. Guess I'm also looking for options from other vets. Pic of our girl at the vet for attention and a short video of her after the butrphanol kicked in. I've been too distraught to get a video of her strange movements and I don't want to disturb her right now to get one but I can add later if I can. I've attached Vets notes and her bloodwork.
https://imgur.com/a/gzsuarP

Today illustrated that the Democrats have become America’s cheerleaders, emphasizing how investment in the nation’s infrastructure has created jobs and rebuilt the country. This week, the Biden-Harris administration is touting its investments in rebuilding roads and bridges, making sure Americans have clean water, getting rid of pollution, expanding access to high-speed internet, and building a clean energy economy, contrasting that success with Trump’s eternal announcements of an “Infrastructure Week” that never came.
The White House today announced that it has awarded nearly $454 billion in funding from the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, including more than 56,000 projects across more than 4,500 communities across the nation. Those include fixing more than 165,000 miles of roads and more than 9,400 bridges and improving more than 450 ports and 300 airport terminals. It has funded more than 1,400 drinking water and wastewater projects and projects to replace up to 1.7 million toxic lead pipes, as well as more than 8,000 low- and zero-emission buses. It has funded 95 previously unfunded Superfund projects to clean up contaminated sites. It has improved the electrical grid and funded 12,000 miles of high-speed internet infrastructure, and exposed internet junk fees.
The White House explained that this investment is making it cheaper to install clean energy technology and lowering families’ monthly energy bills, and highlighted today the available rebates to enable people to take advantage of the new technologies.
On Wednesday, May 8, a report from the Semiconductor Industry Association and the Boston Consulting Group explored the “breathtaking speed,” as the president of the semiconductor organization put it, at which the industry is growing. In the Financial Times on May 9, John Thornhill reported that the CHIPS and Science Act, which provided a $39 billion investment in the semiconductor industry, has “primed a torrent of private sector investment.” With the influx of both federal money and an additional $447 billion of private investment in 83 projects in 25 states, the report forecasts that the U.S. will increase its share of global manufacturing capacity for leading-edge chips from today’s rate of 0% to 28% by 2032. Thornhill compared this investment to that spurred by Russia’s 1957 launch of the Sputnik satellite.
The Economist yesterday announced that the U.S. “is in the midst of an extraordinary startup boom,” and explored “[h]ow the country revived its “go-getting spirit.”
In contrast to the Democrats’ confidence in America, the Republicans are all-in on the idea that the country is an apocalyptic wasteland. At a rally in New Jersey Saturday, Trump announced: “On day one we will throw out Bidenomics and reinstate MAGAnomics.” He promised to extend his 2017 tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations.
But the gist of his speech was an angry, vitriolic picture of a failing nation full of “enemies” that are “more dangerous” than China and Russia and who are “going to destroy our country.” In his telling, the criminal case against him in Manhattan is “bullsh*t,” and President Biden has done more damage than the “ten worst presidents in the history of our country” combined: “[h]e’s a fool; he’s not a smart man…[h]e’s a bad guy…the worst president ever, of any country. The whole world is laughing at him.”
Trump lied that other countries are “emptying out their mental institutions into the United States, our beautiful country. And now the prison populations all over the world are down. They don’t want to report that the mental-institution population is down because they’re taking people from insane asylums and from mental institutions.” Then he riffed into “the late great Hannibal Lecter,” the fictional murderer and cannibal in the film The Silence of the Lambs, apparently to suggest that similar individuals are migrating to the U.S.
House Republicans this week are working to pass a nonbinding resolution to condemn Biden’s immigration policies, although it was Republicans, under orders from Trump, who killed a strong bipartisan immigration bill earlier this year.
The only way to turn back this apocalypse, Trump and his supporters insist, is to put Trump and his team back into the White House. From there, Republicans will return those they consider “real” Americans to power.
The last few days have added new information about what that means. On Thursday, May 9, Senators Katie Britt (R-AL), Marco Rubio (R-FL), and Kevin Cramer (R-ND) introduced the More Opportunities for Moms to Succeed (MOMS) act. Britt—who is best known for her disastrous response to Biden’s State of the Union speech from her kitchen—said the measure would provide a federal database of resources for pregnant women and women parenting young children, but that information excludes anything that touches on abortion.
The measure is clear that it enlists the government in opposition to abortion, but more than that, it establishes that the government will create a database of the names and contact information of pregnant women, which the government can then use “to follow up with users on additional resources that would be helpful for the users to review.”
A government database of pregnant women would give the federal government unprecedented control over individuals, and it is especially chilling after the story Caroline Kitchener broke in the Washington Post on May 3, that a Texas man, Collin Davis, filed a petition to stop his ex-partner from traveling to Colorado, where abortion is legal, to obtain an abortion. Should she do so, his lawyer wrote, he would “pursue wrongful-death claims against anyone involved in the killing of his unborn child.” Now Davis wants to be able to depose his former partner along with others he says are “complicit” in the abortion.
Antiabortion activists are also seeking to make mifepristone and misoprostol, drugs used in many abortions, hard to obtain. In Louisiana, state lawmakers are considering classifying the drugs as “controlled dangerous substances,” which would make possessing them carry penalties of up to ten years in prison and fines of up to $75,000.
More than 240 Louisiana doctors wrote to lawmakers saying that the drugs have none of the addictive characteristics associated with dangerous controlled substances and warning that the drugs are crucial for inducing routine labor and preventing catastrophic hemorrhage after delivery, in addition to their use in abortions. “Given its historically poor maternal health outcomes, Louisiana should prioritize safe and evidence-based care for pregnant women,” the doctors wrote.
Louisiana lawmakers also rejected a bill that would have allowed anyone under age 17, the age of consent in Louisiana, to have an abortion if they became pregnant after rape or incest. Passionate testimony from those who suffered such attacks or who treated pregnant girls as young as 8 failed to convince the Republican lawmakers to support the measure. “That baby [in the womb] is innocent.… We have to hang on to that,” said Republican state representative Dodie Horton.
Today, at the Asian Pacific American Institute for Congressional Studies, a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization promoting Asian American and Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander participation and representation at all levels of the political process, Vice President Kamala Harris encouraged young people to innovate and to move into spaces from which they have been traditionally excluded.
“So here’s the thing about breaking barriers,” she said. “Breaking barriers does not mean you start on one side of the barrier and you end up on the other side. There’s breaking involved. And when you break things you get cut. And you may bleed. And it is worth it every time…. We have to know that sometimes people will open the door for you and leave it open. Sometimes they won’t. And then you need to kick that f*cking door down.”
Harris’s advice reflects the history that happened on this date in 1862, when the enslaved mariners on board the shallow-draft C.S.S. Planter gathered up their families, fired up the ship’s boilers, and sailed out of the Charleston, South Carolina, harbor. The three white officers of the ship had gone ashore, leaving enslaved 23-year-old pilot Robert Smalls to take control. Smalls knew how to steer the ship and give the proper signals to the Confederates at Fort Sumter, Fort Moultrie, and three other checkpoints.
Smalls piloted the Planter, the sixteen formerly enslaved people on it, and a head full of intelligence about the Confederate fortifications at Charleston to the U.S. Navy. In Confederate hands, the Planter had surveyed waterways and laid mines; now that information was in U.S. hands. Smalls went on to pilot naval vessels during the war, and in 1864 he bought the house formerly owned by the man who had enslaved him.
A natural leader, Smalls went on to become a businessman, politician, and strong advocate for education. After serving in the 1868 South Carolina Constitutional Convention that made school attendance compulsory and provided for universal male suffrage, he went on to serve in the South Carolina legislature from 1868 to 1874, when he was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives, where he served until 1887. When President Barack Obama signed an executive order establishing the nation’s first national monument concerning Reconstruction, he cited the life of Robert Smalls.
—
Notes:
https://newjerseymonitor.com/2024/05/12/trump-brings-2024-campaign-to-the-jersey-shore/
https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a60774814/trump-rally-new-jersey-weird-speech/
https://www.britt.senate.gov/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/MOMS-Act_FINAL-Britt_Rubio_Cramer1.pdf
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/may/11/katie-britt-proposes-federal-database-to-collect-data-on-pregnant-people
https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/2024/05/03/texas-abortion-investigations/
https://lailluminator.com/2024/05/08/rape-incest/
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2024/05/13/abortion-pills-louisiana-controlled-substance/
https://www.economist.com/finance-and-economics/2024/05/12/america-is-in-the-midst-of-an-extraordinary-startup-boom
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2024/05/13/fact-sheet-biden-harris-administration-kicks-off-infrastructure-week-by-highlighting-historic-results-spurred-by-president-bidens-investing-in-america-agenda/
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2024/05/13/fact-sheet-president-bidens-investing-in-america-agenda-is-helping-american-families-across-the-country-save-money/
https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/icymi-the-great-american-innovation-engine-firing-again
https://www.ft.com/content/0d39e8f0-38ba-40aa-8ec8-d04e82afb690
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/08/us/politics/chips-grants-fuel-industry-growth.html
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/11/trump-rally-new-jersey-trial-fascists-00157482
https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2017/01/12/presidential-proclamations-establishment-reconstruction-era-national
https://www.nps.gov/people/robert-smalls.htm
Twitter (X):
cspan/status/1790048826440503495
Fritschnestatus/1790051154887340473
rosiewestwood/status/1788291766866567439
CecileRichards/status/1789020452855140723
https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-13-2024

As If It Were Kismet: Prologue
Matt tore through the brush, blind in the dark. He didn’t care where he was going. He only knew he needed to be elsewhere. Far from here.
Behind him a creature howled that shocked his mind. It’s form was cruel and dangerous, though female. Nothing like the young woman she had once been. Nothing but a girl, a small and slight female.
It’s guttural growls and howls only grew closer as Matt tried to pick between seeing where he was going and getting away. The few times he looked he caught sight of the creature behind him. Hopping through the air with a speed that told him he was being toyed with. As if he were a mouse being played with by a cat.
But the reflex in him to run kept him going. His adrenaline going as hard as it could. The tightness and burning in his core tensing and locking up as his legs felt like there were being burned from within while taking on more of a heaviness.
His lungs were starting to betray him as he tried to gulp big breaths of air but only rapid and shallow breaths were all that he could manage. His brain was starting to burn….and then he was falling.
Falling down the side of a hill he saw the creature dart in a spring towards him, imperceivably fast almost. Catching him in mid air it seemed.
Managing to wrap its body around him and cushion his impact against the ground as they rolled. His mind barely took in what was happening during the roll. Only starting to understand what was happening once they were still.
The creature's triple D-cup breasts were unmistakably pressed hard against his back as he laid facing up at the night sky.
For a few seconds the world stilled and the needle light pain hitting the center of his brain took over for the cooking heat his brain had felt. His whole body felt heavy and reluctant to move.
Even if he could have really moved, a dull ache came over his limbs making them feel stilled and trapped as if by immeasurable amounts of sand that had engulfed him.
Slowly the arms holding him started to move. Moving so the creature's hands could start exploring him. Causing Matt to unstoppably let out a pathetic moan that made him go cold inside as hands lifted up his shirt and started to touch his exposed stomach and then his chest.
He would have whimpered so pathetically had he not still been in the depths of terror.
As its hands felt and groped his pecs he tried to situp as if to get away. For his efforts, his reward was a hand around his throat and a collection snarls and growls against his ear. A beastly, guttural voice spat words at him while somehow holding a feminine tone.
“Don’t move….I don’t know if I can calm down…”
Her words were not helped by her moans in his ear and the subsequent kissing of his ear. The flesh of his ear going between her lips as she moaned and seemed to pant. Releasing it and licking the side of his face with a moist warmth. He could feel its spittle, viscous and coating his flesh where the tongue touched. He could smell something in his saliva. Something that subtly entranced him.
Matt went stock still with fear and the confusion of mixed arousal. He barely perceived her right hand traveling lower on his body. A surprised moan and shudder echoed in the night from Matt’s lips as she took ahold of him. Her hand above his pants but still….stimulating him.
A light squeezing and almost probing of her digits kept him aroused and confused within her grasp. Resigning himself to the strange fate, Matt looked up at the stars as his mind tried not to shatter under the strange maelstrom of events and sensation that had started mere minutes ago.
His mind was only more confused as a slight figure, feminine in build, how it seemed to thunk the ground audibly as she landed on her feet out nowhere. Her knees barely bending under the pressure of the landing. Yet dirt was kicked up anyways and some of it onto Matt. Feeling it pepper his shirt and pants as it fell.
The figure, lit only faintly by moonlight, roared some dark tone Matt could only perceive as a demon as her eyes went bright with a crimson light. A light in the darkness that should not have been. “Let him go you bitch.” Was its words following the roar. Spittle escaping its mouth with faint droplets hit Matt's face.
The creature holding him by his throat and crotch seemed to tighten the grasp of both hands as it roared back. “HE IS MINE!”
The figure paused with a moment's hesitation. He was also her quarry. She had felt his fear without him knowing. His confused arousal. His fear. His terror.
And now he laid at the center of a struggle between two monsters. Unsure of who he wanted to win.
As If It Was Kismet Ch. 1
Matthew Berkshire hadn’t seen his mom in two years. Not that he had seen her much over the last six years.
A messy divorce between messy people and mom’s chaotic want for a life in Alaska had been one of the most…upsetting times in life. Setting him up for so much of what had defined his life thus far but then that had really started two years before he ever turned.
His ear buds were basic and simple. A part of cheap five pack, common for his life as he was known to lose little things. Small things. They had a mix of metal and hard rock playing in them. Some classics, some alternative. Whatever made him feel something, anything. Even if it was hate. Anger. Rage. It was better than feeling numb. Not belonging.
The escalator down to his lone bag to go with his lone carry on showed his mom waiting for him. His had a type, that’s for damn sure. Not that it helped him in the genetics department as he was stuck at 5’9” to go along with his mother’s five foot even as his dad stood six foot. Forever leaving him to feel small, to pale, under his dad’s shadow. Did he ever stand a chance?
The guy next to her with the unkempt former seventies porn stache was “Dave.” He’d met him twice when his mother came and visited him in Florida. To his credit the guy didn’t look annoyed. Kind of concerned kind of which made Matthew want to break his frozen look but he was well practiced. Having removed any note of sadness from his face through much…tribulation.
His mother’s look on her face betrayed a hint of worry as the bruises on his face lightly showed up close. Saying his name was his like a distant echo that belonged to someone else.
Dave cut in and pulled out his right headphone. “What the hell bud, they knock you hard enough to hurt hearing? Your mom’s asking how you are doing.”
Matthew pulled out the other bud and grunted an empty “sorry.”
“You still have bruises after two week? What did they do to you?” His mom’s voice was full of worry. Something he hadn’t heard in….too long. Too long to make him feel anything. To ever make him believe there was any sincerity to her words. To not think her voice and mannerisms were an act. An act by someone who…wasn’t really there.
“It’s only fair. I took a nose. Fractured a couple orbital bones. Left one with having to get his jaw wired shut. And one will never walk right again for what I did to his knee cap.” Matthew said it all with a bored and disinterested tone. Perhaps well rehearsed.
“My man, handing out ass kickings, not bothering to take names.” Dave was quick to be the typical man’s man about it. Matthew wasn’t quite done yet. Lifting up his shirt to expose the right side near his kidney. Revealing a nasty scar from a six inch blade. “Luckily they gave me this first so they could rule it all in self-defense. The fuck didn’t get it in more than inch before I ruined his knee cap and then I took the nose of one of the fucks holding me.” Now he chose to smile keeping the well practiced dead look in his eyes.
No retorts. No questions. Just horrified looks on their faces. As he liked. As he preferred. They could hate him. They could be disgusted by him. But by God they would fear him.
“Well the doc did a good job sewing you up.” Dave commented uncomfortably. “Dissolving sutures. Ain’t they grand.” He smiled again and let it abruptly fall off his face and started walking to the carousel for the baggage claim.
Waiting and making small talk with Dave as his mother stood in silence. He was not the little boy she abandoned. The little boy she left with an angry man. While never hitting him. Left him in constant fear till he turned twelve and just didn’t care anymore. Something snapped. Broke. And he didn’t care if he died. Didn’t care if he stole. Didn’t even care if he killed. He just knew not to get caught. Something left over from his grandfather’s wisdom which came to make more and more sense with each passing year of life since that thing inside him broke.
Finally his bag came around and Dave went to try first to grab it but Dave practically leapt ahead of him. “Is that your grandfather’s rucksack bag?” his mother asked in a perplexed voice.
“Figured it’s been around since Viet Nam. So it’d serve me better than any of the worthless stuff they called luggage.” Dave commented after Matthew’s words. “Well hell yeah I still got mine from Desert Storm. You know the first one.” Dave laughed and Matthew eyed him oddly. Be it in the south or whether it was Alaska, country boys are country boys he guessed.
The car ride to the two people’s house, as Matthew thought of them. Was uneventful and full of vistas he imagined metropolitan types wetting themselves over. At most they meant isolation to him. Furtherness from the world as there were no mountains in Florida. And what mountains he had last seen in another state had been when he was eight. Another life, to Matthew it felt like. A life alien to him.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 2
Dave and his mom’s place was some two story type tucked into a tree line far up an elevated point. It was by no means the highest point in the mountain but it certainly felt up there.
Rocks were where the driveway should have been Matthew thought. Grabbing his backpack and rucksack from Dave’s jeep was no hard thing for him. Matthew was in formidable shape for someone his age, maybe even five years older. He had gotten a mix of fairly big shoulders and arms along with the chest to go for it when compared to most kids his age. A side effect of working out at least twice a day. First thing in the morning, some time in the evening, and the school’s gym when had had a good semester in school before he had to leave Florida.
Dave tried to come up and help him but Matthew walked past him towards the house. His mom was not sure what to make of his demeanor. Matthew was not the sweet kind boy he had once been. But she had been gone from his life essentially for a long time.
Ushering him into the house she cracked some joke he did not hear. He was too busy looking about and seeing a mix of old outdated decorating mixed with the strange and odd flair of his mother. Color contrasting against drab and dated. Like brightly painting over an old home that was falling apart he thought.
“Your room is this way Mattie.” His mom brightly intoned.
Without expressing any interest he followed his mother. Still faced and nonplussed. Just going along with the current. Pushed and pulled with its roll like a piece of driftwood.
The room was simple. A single small bed. A set of rubber weights with a curl bar and barbells. “Your dad said you were into weight lifting so we got you a bunch of stuff. Dave says it looks like his department’s gym almost. The woman’s smile felt very alien to him.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ve got most of my stuff from home.” Matthew starting unpacking his rucksack and pulled out cables of repetitive and mixed colors. A single plastic barbell handle. The ruck sack could be filled with water bottles for added weight during pushups he figured. Remembering a Michael Keaton movie he watched with his dad post-Batman movies where he played a convicted killer using plastic bags filled with water for weights.
Matthew caught movement outside his lone fairly large window that could let him step out onto the roof of the house given its layout.
He saw a number of people running together through what he guessed was the backyard of the property, not that it had any fences to mark boundaries
They wore clothes that looked similar yet different from each other at the same time.”Oh those are the Johnston’s. Really nice bunch of people. Been on the mountain for a long time Dave tells me.”
Matthew looked at the group of people running and noticed the lack of resemblance. “They are related?” Matthew quizzically asked. Seeing a black and possibly a hispanic person amongst the bland looking white people.
“Oh well they are all adopted but for one or two of them…besides the parents of course. The family has a long tradition of taking in orphans they say. Real nice of them to do that don’t you think.”
Matthew looked at his mother and the hosier accent made no sense to him as he arched his left eye brow. Her and his dad were both from Florida. Born and raised. Sure her parents were from New York city but…
Matthew shook his lightly without turning to look at his mother as his vision was grabbed by one of the runners in particular. A girl of moderate height. Soft brunette. A plain beauty he figured with a slim build….and lack of remarkable breasts and rear to make any note of but….girls in general were his type at his age.
She was pretty enough. He couldn’t deny that but he found himself transfixed by her visage.
But the way she turned and looked at him, especially at that distance felt very disconcerting to him. Even if she was smiling like…she was a taste of a bright shiny day. Somehow.
Matthew’s mom noticed the exchange and smiled to herself with closed lips. “Oh that’s Vicky. She’s your age I think. Very sweet girl, who does the charity functions. You know bake sales, blood drives, car washes and the like. I think you should get to know her. Might be good for you.”
A truck horn sounded a couple of beeps in rather succession. “Oh that must be Mack, he said he might come by later this evening but he seems early.”
Matthew’s mother turned and left his room. Leaving Matthew to exchange a few looks with the alluring Vicky as she turned her head away from him to talk to the others in her group and look back at him.
Still Matthew’s left eyebrow was arched. In a way that reminded him of Spock from Star Trek that he and his grandpa used to watch on some streaming service or another.
As he heard ambient chatter elsewhere outside the house he figured to check it out as the alluring sight of Vicky would be around he figured. It was dull to stare at artwork. He was a boy who preferred jet skis and the like. Something he could ride and enjoy immensely. Even if at times it got him stabbed.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 3
Matthew sauntered out of the house and down the rockway that stood in for a driveway.
A few new people had come over from what he could first surmise of the situation. As he got closer it was obvious they were indigenous people. A couple of grown men…and a girl?
She was mousey. Maybe five foot. Hiding behind glasses and a big camo jacket that was far too big for her. It looked made for a grown man and the backwards trucker hat on her head kept her long black a beautiful mess of sorts.
She was cute in a way. A little androgynous but she had a cute energy to her. She reminded him of the more tomboyish Puerto Rican girls he had gotten into back in Florida. Given the deer corpses in the back of the truck….probably more dangerous to play with given the men in her family.
Small chatter passed between the adults when the girl noticed but turned away, trying to hide the tiny hint of a smile.
“Oh Mattie, this is Mack. He works with Dave at the sheriff’s department and John, he’s with fish and wildlife.” Matthew nodded at his mom’s words with some blankness as he looked at the deer the in the back of the pickup truck.
“Gale tells us you hunted with your dad some in Florida and Georgia.” Mack offered with a light hearted laugh camouflaged by his big simple and cheery but husky way he spoke.
Looking in the back of the truck he spoke. “We used lever action thirty-thirties and Mosin Nagants in seven-six-two-fifty-four-rimmed.” Mack and John whistled in an exaggerated fashion. Leaving Matthew to wonder if they were mocking him.
Mack spoke. “Well we just used thirty-odd-six in a custom gussied Garand.” That caught Matthew’s attention. “You have a Garand…” Matthew finally demonstrated interest in anything. “My dad has an SVT-40 and a Hakim 8mm but he always wanted a Garand but was too cheap to buy one.”
Gale, his mother, chimed in loudly. “Oh his Dad loved his guns but was such an odd duck about how he bought or why he bought them. Never made sense to me how he wasn’t a collector but he didn’t get the latest and greatest.” Gale laughed uncomfortably. At least it seemed that way to Matthew.
Matthew pointed to the girl with an underhanded pointing hand. “And who is this? A cute little mute mouse or does she have a name?” Dave and the other men laughed.
Mack again spoke. “Well you people call her Rebecca, she’s my adopted daughter.” Matthew was taken aback by what he heard. “You people?”
Rebecca kindly spoke with a soft but almost melodic voice as she struggled to maintain eye contact. “White people or rather not members of our tribe. It’s just easier to appease the colonizer kind of thing. Borrowed from when the Jesuit missionaries chased us up here.”
Mack stepped in. “It’s just easier to have white people names than have them try to say our tribal names. And we don’t want them shortening or Anglicising our names kind of thing.” Rebecca stepped back into the conversation cutting off her adopted father. “It’s an insult to our history basically.”
Matthew cocked his head sideways raising his eyebrows shortly before letting them drop. “Well as soon as I’m eighteen I’m out of here and back to Florida so I’m a sort of involuntary colonizer of sorts. So I won’t be taking any of your land from you. The Seminoles on the other hand are still shit out of luck.”
Rebecca’s smile caused Matthew to reflexively smile. Mack made the moment more awkward. “See Becca, I told you someone off the reservation would like you some. You just have to be creative.” Mack laughed in a chiding manner…Matthew presumed. He sensed that he was the butt of some kind of cultural joke. Like marrying a white guy was some sort of insult or mark of shame. That kind of thing.
Rebecca turning away from him was not something he had been expecting. Her then getting in the truck in a huff left the group in a silence for a moment.
Dave spoke to break the awkward silence. “Well just bring the truck to work on Monday and leave it for me to grab up.” Mack acknowledged Dave and they started to get off as Rebecca looked at Matthew for another instance. Matthew couldn’t look away for some reason as the two seemed to lock eyes for an instance.
Till Vicky and family seemed to come jogging down the road. While Matthew’s eyes diverted from Rebecca’s. Hers did not till she realized he was looking elsewhere. And her vision found Vicky and what had been a hint of smile on her face turned glum and disappointed.
Matthew did not look away from the vision of Vicky but instead of a starry eyed fool looking longingly. It was a baffled look. Well baffled for him, with his eyes drawn narrow and night with a focus.
There was something about her…he couldn’t quite put a name too. The way she appeared to him. One second brunette. The next second blonde or blonde like. As if the color appeared in her air and disappeared in fractions of seconds. Much the same way her body almost seemed to…shift…very subtly…smoothly. A nicer bum. Larger breasts. And then back to a simple and plain form. Feminine no doubt. Attractive. But not so…remarkable.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 4
The next two days passed without incident. Nothing of any real substance or challenge to note.
Matthew got settled somewhat and started working out almost immediately. Exploring around the woods but Dave told him not to go far. Especially without a hunting rifle. Dave had left a simple semi-auto Winchester out for him. His bear gun as Dave referred to it with its four round magazine. But Matt figured till he got some practice with the rifle to leave it alone. He made a hiking stick like his grandpa taught him and treated it over a low fire. He would take some electrical tape for the end his hand would grip around. Plenty enough to ward off anything smaller than a bear he figured.
The ride to school was a pain in the neck but simple enough. Dave would let him use a clunker pickup truck he had laying around. It wasn’t pretty but it would get him to and from. Even if it was from the eighties and still backfired on occasion. But for now Dave and his mom took him on their way to the sheriff’s department.
It wasn’t much of a school. It wanted to be modern but its fifties original construction was very obvious. It serviced the pipeline families and familys’ of fisherman who worked the seasons in between their time at the pipeline.
Matt was to report to the principal for some reason Dave and his mom wouldn’t share. Which annoyed him but he figured it was to read him the law of land. Small towns with their big views of the outside world and like.
Dressed in jeans, a grey sweatshirt under a light jacket with steel toed boots set him more apart then he expected. His buzzed head didn’t help matters. Already he was feeling like a stranger in a strange land but he was quite strange after all. And he liked it that way. Normal people were so pathetically disappointing to him.
A secretary or assistant or some such led him to the principal’s office. Where it reeked of real wood that was old and fabric and upholstery that needed to be updated for the last twenty years, Matt figured.
“This is Matthew Berkshire, Principal Andrews.” The man was turned with his back to the door and he was quick to wave her off as he turned her around.
He was an older man. Fat and large. Tall with a body built like he had once been fit and a demeanour of annoyed and irate already as he fixed Matt with a scowl and look of disgust. Another worthless government whore. Matt thought to himself. His father and his grandfather had bestowed unto him a natural disrespect for government workers and the figures that wore unjustified authority as a shield but pretended the weight of the state was not at their back ready to crush all who resisted. Little figures of valor pretending to be mighty and alone but acting with the tyranny of the state and all the backing.
“Mr. Berkshire, please sit down.” His tone wasn’t unusually hostile, just gruff. As if he had better things to do.
Matt complied and took a seat in the chair while maintaining a friendly facade. Not everyone was an enemy. And not everyone needed to be an enemy. Even if anybody could be any enemy. There was no reason to make enemies you didn’t have to. Another of his grandfather’s bastardised wisdoms.
“Well I looked over you file and you have quite the history Mr. Berkshire.” Matt resisted qiuping back a joke. Instead he waited for Principal Andrews to continue as he remained nonplussed and looking as if he felt no need to respond. A simple head tilt with dead eyes looking back at the principle as if he was not even there would suffice.
Matt’s reaction or lack of a reaction rather made Principal Andrews only narrow his eyes with examination. He was not used to a kid not responding to him. Especially with his gruff and hard act going on.
“Well by all accounts you moved here after some problems at your last school. A fight broke out and you did some real harm to your fellow students it appears.” Of course, he would take the side of the perpetrators. School administrators always did. Especially when they weren’t white. Just a fact of the times. Cowardice and pathetic mediocrity was the way they leaned, like good government workers sucking the dick of Big Daddy government. Worthless whores.
Matt chose to reply. “Oh you mean the criminals that stabbed me. Got arrested at the hospital and then pled to felonies. Yeah Florida, with the American counties are good like that.” Principal Andrews went real still. No shame. No fear. No penitence. He didn’t like that.
“Well be it as it may Mr. Berkshire we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour here…” Matt cut him off responding with a deadpan tone. “You mean self-defense meant to save one’s own life while the cowardly and pathetic school workers look on with zero interest but to keep their money rolling in and will allow known gang members with records of violent acts and crimes that should have them expelled many times over, where in certain Democrat counties such cowardice and idiocy empowered a couple school shooters?”
Principal Andrews looked at the Matt with a note of disgust. “Look here Mr. Berkshire, your beliefs matter not one bit here. This isn’t Florida. We don’t like our way of life being disrupted by outside agitators who have problems with authority.”
Matt did his best not to roll his eyes and let the older fat man drone own as he dead-stared him. Lifeless and without emotion.
The man came to a finish and Matt spoke up without having listened to him or paid him any attention. “Great now that’s taken care of. Can I please get to class and finish my sentence of two years at your wonderful school?”
Principal Andrews huffed and snorted before calling in Vicky. Vicky stood in the corner after entering with a quiet and seamless presence. Matt felt disturbed and tried not betray his feelings as the young Vicky was perceived and not perceived to be moving.
Principal Andrews made the introductions and Matt nodded back. She was to be his chaperone for the day. They had the same classes and she was to show him the ropes so to speak. The ins and outs of the school. The locations of their classes.
He recognized her. It was hard not to. The way her appearance seemed to shift fluidly almost. The petite and skinny brunette ever so lightly had a big bust and blonde hair with curves added when she seemed to shift before his eyes. Like watching a film but each frame had a different person.
Matt didn’t say anything about it. Even if he did he would only be acknowledging his crazed state, if he had one. If.
Unlike an obedient puppy dog he got up in a slow and awkward fashion and followed behind her as his oddly disproportionate frame allowed. Causing her a note of concern for some reason. As if she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been….Or he was just weird. And Matt could admit to himself he was just weird. Part of his charm, he would jest about it at times. Not that he had many people to jest to now.
As If It Were Kismet Ch. 5
Following Vicky into the hall off to their first class was simple. She exchanged small talk and he slightly smiled as if to obviously suggest he was just being polite.
Inside his head, Matt was trying to figure out if he was having a psychotic break. The way Vicky looked kept changing and he looked at the other people around him and they stayed the same.
He was searching his mind as they were walking. And thus he wasn’t paying attention to where he was looking and so fell to his face forward over his feet seemingly out of nowhere.
A series of laughs erupted as it sunk in that he was obviously tripped. Like in prison this was a challenge to his superiority. If he let this pass he would be mocked and sneered at by this same group of boys. He wouldn’t walk to them like he was going to do nothing like a little bitch.
In a rage he turned and punched the stomach of the first face he saw. Some typical blonde haired wannabe jock. He knew from experience not to aim for the ribs. Instead he needed to aim for where he thought the belly button was.
Yells and screams blindly echoed around him as his after the punch he followed up his elbow of the opposite arm slamming into the face of the jock. Harder than a fist, the elbow struck the jock’s jaw and seemingly dropped him against a locker. Just in time to catch an errant and soft punch to the nose that sure enough hurt but did little to slow him down as his dad had taught him to fight through the pain. Blood and scars happened. They were a natural consequence of life to a man.
Taking the punch and falling further into his red state Matt headbutted the punch thrower before another guy arm bared his throat from behind. Which he managed to get his grip on the arm over a letterman jacked and jerk the unprepared boy to the side with him still latched on.
A few feet away from the lockers Matt knew his only chance was to jump and push off the lockers and knock the boy to the ground and so he did. He heard a thunk of the boy’s skull bouncing off the ground and he turned to pull out of the grapple.
The beatings he had taken from his father, the grapples, being choked unconscious. Had prepared him for fighting little bitches who didn’t know what a fight was. It wasn’t gay porn with rabbit punch fists flying.
Blood was running down his face and the pain started to hit him as the threats had been eliminated. Only then did he remember to breathe. Taking breathes as Vicky came up to him with tissues and took a hold of his nose.
“Owww owww owww what the fuck my nose could be broken.” He said to Vicky as she pulled his head up and back.
“It’s ok Carl. It’s done.” Matt tried to look to see who Vicky was talking to. It was a boy taller than his 5’9” by more than a small margin. The boy eyed him bored and annoyed before speaking. “What happened here?” An unoriginal line but one Matt couldn’t be a smart aleck about. “Well you see there was an outbreak of tripping and we all tripped over my dick. It happens.” Matt was about to laugh when Vicky seemed to pull up while still gripping his nose causing Matt no small amount of pain which he audibly evidenced.
Vicky spoke in a tone he wasn’t expecting. As if she was accustomed to issuing orders. “Keep Iris away from the hall till we sanitize the site. We have blood from at least three people contaminating the site. And have Jake bring me a spare jacket and shirt for this moron.”
Carl seemed to acknowledge her orders and seemed to blink away. Maybe the punch hit harder than he expected. He had no time to wonder as Vick took her hand away from his and pushed him against the lockers. With ease he had not been expecting from her form and stature.
Before he could respond Vicky licked his blood covered chin and then his lips and spoke to him. “Focus on me you little blood bag.” Her tone had an annoyed yet feminine sneer.
“Look into my eyes. Look at me. You belong to me. You are just another food source in a collection of food sources.” Her eyes were a beautiful hazel Matt thought. Almost green. Pretty like jewels in some old treasure collections. The eyes he could get lost in before kissing her. Finally Vicky was just a slight and petite brunette and he thought she was beautiful.
She would make a hell of a girlfriend. Some cute thing he could see laying on the beach in Florida on their sides laughing and smiling before trading light kisses while hands wandered innocently. Before his mind could drift further he felt her lips on his. It took him a second to mentally grasp the kiss but his arms were around her back as her hands were at his sides. His eyes reflexively closed as he saw hers close.
It was ineffable to Matt. Beyond words, what was happening. The kiss, the moments beforehand. The way his brain tickled with electricity and gentle warmth. He had never had a kiss like this and he had traded more than a few kisses with at least a few girls.
The kiss was like a warm bath with his consciousness slipping beneath the surface. Their lips only parted to try new angles and approaches as Matt struggled to take in breath. It was a moment he could have stayed trapped in for….he didn’t know. But a curt throat clearing by another girl pulled them out of the moment.
The girl was taller than Vicky. Blonde. With slight curves. Vicky addressed her bewildered and gobsmacked, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. “Tina?”

I (41F) have a friend (38F) who I have known her since 2000. We reconnected in 2012 and we began hanging out regularly (maybe once a month?). In the last few years, I have found being in her presence to be quite exhausting. She constantly complains about trivial matters, all within her control, like minor dramas with her family, friends, work, etc. When telling these stories, she changes her voice to this whiny shrill. Despite my attempts to steer discussions toward other topics, she seems adept at steering them back to her preferred subjects. When this happens, I just nod as she goes on and on. I don't think she notices that I am not engaged.
What really gets to me is her clinginess, she never takes no for an answer. If I decline an invitation, she either interrogates me about why I can't hang/when I can hang out or hints that I should change my schedule to accommodate hers. If I end a hang out earlier than she likes, she either interrogates me again or insists on walking me home/wherever I said I need to go to, all which are out of her way. I've tried to space out our hang out sessions to every few months but she will try to drag those out/suggest hanging out all day. She is married to a great guy and I know she has a lot of friends so I am not sure why she is so determined for us to hang out.
While she is one of the nicest people you will ever meet, I suspect her behavior stems from coddling, which has led her to believe that her needs and wants are paramount. Her behavior outweighs this niceness and as a result, I no longer have the patience or energy to be treated like an on call personal therapist. I've tried the slow fade but she either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore it, persistently trying to pressure me into hanging out. Blocking her seems too harsh (she is mega annoying but I save blocking for people who have done egregious things) and I'm hesitant about being honest because telling someone their mere existence drives you crazy isn't the most diplomatic approach. From what I've gathered, she doesn't handle confrontation well.
Can you please help me find a solution that's respectful but allows me to maintain my sanity? Thank you!

Just what it says. I researched Effexor extensively before starting it. I have been on it for about 18 months. I have been on 225mg for about 14-16 of those months.
About me : 5'9 , black 32 year old female 174 lbs Diagnoses - AuDHD. Anxiety. Borderline PD. Depression.
I have been struggling increasingly with self harm thoughts, suicidal ideation and for the first time, thoughts of hurting others. (Never have , never will. But this is Also why I want off this stuff asap)
While I am following up with a primary care doctor in3 days for labs, and possible different meds to try- I am absolutely done with Effexor. I don't want to titriate down , because I have read horror stories regarding withdrawal , it seems like a b*tch whether you go slow or fast and I want it over with asap.
My kids will be in the care of others for the next week while I hopefully get through the nasty part . I understand it can last much longer than a week . I am here for input re: small holistic things than may help .
I know this is a hot topic in our community, so I will update to share if i end up thinking this was a horrible idea, or if I stuck it out, and I will share what helped or what sucked the most.
Thanks for reading my rant. Good luck to everyone with all our symptoms .

I have been dating my partner for about 2.5 years, living together for about 9 months. We've had some ups and downs- nothing breakup worthy- but we've both had some significantly tough times. Given some recent events in our life, I would like some advice as to whether or not I'm being realistic in terms of my expectations of him and our relationship.
My partner's Dad was hospitalized in January for a cardiac episode. He was released after 5 days and during the follow up appointments, it was discovered that he had colon cancer. He had surgery that removed the tumor in late April. During the surgery, they removed 26 lymph nodes and sent them out for testing. 1 of nodes came back positive for stage 3 cancer cells. The oncologist said his best course of action would be chemo to rule out any additional cancer cells that may exist before they become a bigger issue. He'll be starting chemo in early June. My partner is understandably negatively affected by this diagnosis. For context, his Mom survived breast cancer about 12 years ago, during which time my partner was her primary caregiver, but his best friend's father just died from cancer 3 weeks ago. The best friend's father went from totally fine, to diagnosis, to dead in less than a month. It was brutal. Partner's father is not in the best shape health wise, and quite frankly, my partner is anticipating a poor outcome from the chemo/cancer. I'm trying to be positive and supportive for the family, but it's taking its toll on all of them, as is to be anticipated.
As this whole thing has been happening, my partner has been going through it in terms of his mental health. He's struggled with depression and panic attacks for most of his adult life. He's been on an antidepressant for years. After his father was hospitalized in January, he was temporarily laid off from his job because of his poor work performance. The company basically told him they wouldn't let him return to work until he started therapy and got his shit together. He started seeing a therapist in February and started Adderall for his ADHD in March. It's been better in the sense that's he's more communicative with me, seems to be on a bit of a better schedule, etc. He started back to work on May 1st. Going back to work has been pretty good- he likes his new position and his schedule is much more consistent now, so that's good.
This entire time, I've been supporting our household financially as he completely drained his small emergency fund in less than 5 weeks. Financially, we are total opposites, and it stresses me out! I have 150K in savings/retirement, and he has only a couple grand saved and nothing in retirement. We've been talking about getting married, but in December (before this whole ordeal even started) we had a conversation where I ultimately told him marriage was off the table until he's financially in a better position, and he'd agreed to open retirement accounts and asked me to help him budget etc., but this was before the whole cancer- laid off- therapy thing even started. We haven't really discussed it much since.
Some of the other issues that we continue to have is that he's generally unable to remember to do any tasks unless I remind him incessantly (as in, tell him multiple times, text him, call him, etc.) Tasks would include: taking out the trash, putting away his vapes so the dog can't get to them, brushing his teeth, putting laundry in the basket, picking up his wet bath towels, etc.
The biggest one that bothers me is his lack of consistency after I go to bed. He's a night owl and stays up late, which is fine, but he'll (more often than not), pass out on the couch with the lights on, the TV on, the computer playing a video, food and drinks all over the living room, didn't brush his teeth, etc. I wake up naturally a lot throughout the night so then I either go get him from the living room, basically force him to brush his teeth and get in bed, and then have to deal with the mess/electronics myself at whatever ungodly hour it is OR just leave everything as is and go back to sleep. If I do that, I still have to deal with all of those things when I wake up at 5 am with the dog and get ready to go to work- she's a puppy who's excitable and it's so much easier on me if he's in the bedroom in the morning so she'll stay focused on me and I don't have to worry about her getting to his vapes, food, drinks, etc.
As a side note, the fact that his oral health is so poor is disgusting to me. I've already set a strong boundary that I will refuse to kiss or be intimate with him unless he's brushed his teeth at least once per day. He's a very touchy person that likes physical affection, so it's tough for him that I refuse to kiss him unless his teeth are brushed, but it's generally pretty effective in helping him to remember to brush them. At least, it was until January.
I want to be clear that our communication is pretty good, and all of the boundaries I have/expectations I've set are things we've talked about and agreed upon together. These are all areas in which he agreed and often he was the one to suggest that he needs to work on. I also didn't mention the areas I've agreed to work on within myself, but there are a few.
Given the things happening with his Dad, I feel like an asshole pushing him to be better with his finances, health, and chores, but I also don't think I can deal with these things NOT getting worked on for the next 8-12 months (the projected length of his Dad's treatment). So- what's the balance? How can I support him through this which pushing us to work on our relationship? Or, is it totally unrealistic to expect that right now? I know I want to have a conversation with him about our foreseeable future but I want to be realistic as to what I can/should ask of him. So- what do you think?
Edit: For context, my partner would like to be engaged by the end of the year. He'd been saving for a ring/wedding prior to getting laid off. I pushed pause on that plan because I was uncomfortable with his lack of financial stability and generally felt that he did not pull his weight of the household responsibilities. He agreed to work on these things before taking the next step. He still wants to propose this year, despite what's happened.

David agreed to organise another search party in the following week, and another in the week after that. It comforted Lee to know he was at least doing something to look out for her, even if she wasn't here to realise it. If he couldn't have Clementine back, something he hated the very thought of, he needed to honour her. Her promises, her legacy, her meaning to him could not be forgotten — and neither could she.
They'd been out looking for hours. Since they set off at first light, the sun had circled in the sky and come back down once again, painting the already orange gates with a golden hue. It was tiresome and their feet ached with the aftermath of walking for miles on end, but it came with the satisfaction of knowing a bed was waiting for them back at the base. Though, he still felt a part of him missing. In a way it was almost like he'd earned the right to have found her, how after all this patience and all this time, shouldn't he be entitled to that payoff now? He walked along with his small group back into the gates, down-trodden. How was he to continue deceiving himself of hope when for all he knew, it was hopeless? That was something he berated himself for even thinking. She had to be out there somewhere, of course she was.
"Open the gates," he called to the person on watch. The large wall of rust and metal creaked, revealing their sanctuary. AJ would be in the nursery, probably colouring wildly on a paper, anticipating just as much as Lee was for when they could retire to their home of the living quarters for a good night's rest.
Ava rushed out of the gate towards Lee in a hurry, not slowing down for a second. "Lee!"
"Hey, Ava. What's-"
"She's back."
He opened his mouth, to exclaim with delight, to ask where she was, maybe to burst into tears — everything, every sound and colour, seemed to jump into existence all of a sudden. His legs weren't worn down with fatigue any longer, and they called for him to start running. Where to, he didn't know, but he needed to see where she was. That's when he heard her voice again, something he realised was a greater privilege than he ever remembered, and stopped in his tracks.
"Lee." Clementine appeared behind Ava, leaning out to look at him. She looked at him with her eyes wide, her mouth that opened in shock turning into a wide grin. She ran towards him and enveloped him in a hug.
"You're back! You're okay, sweetpea!" He said, the words sounding imaginary even to him. "I missed you, Clem. I was so worried about what happened while you were gone. You- you've grown a bit taller." He could hardly believe his eyes, but they didn't lie or show any falsities: just, for once, the light in his reality. Ava smiled at the two of them, crossing her arms comfortably.
Clementine laughed, pricks of teardrops forming in the corners of her eyes. "I tried to get back to you so many times. I- There was so much going on. I didn't know what to do, I-" She hugged him again, burying her head in his shirt to mask her tears. "They said AJ's okay. He's going to be okay, Lee. He'll live." Her voice was muffled and shaky but pitched with glee, with relief and with joy. It appeared she was in just as much disbelief as well.
"I know, Clem. He's better now. They helped him."
"About time," she said quietly, though she smiled.
"Let's go inside the gates, come on. How did you get here? Did you have any help?" he asked, a million thoughts swimming through his mind.
She nodded. “I found people who wanted to help. Lots of people. The ones I came here with were put into quarantine for bites — they only let me out here because they knew you were looking for me.” Then she stopped in her tracks, both taking the time to survey the surroundings and glance at Lee. “You never stopped?”
“Never.”
Clementine grinned up at him. "I knew you wouldn't." Her smile then faded, but the glimmer in her eyes remained: whatever she was troubled by, she seemed to hold onto some hope, or at least she did now that Lee was there. "Lee, I have to talk to you."
"What's going on? Is something wrong?" He watched for her reaction cautiously. When she didn't move, he asked again. "Are you in danger?"
She shook her head and began walking further away, slowly down the unfamiliar streets of New Richmond. "Not here. We need to go somewhere quiet."
Something in Lee felt disturbed again. It should all be over by now, with Clementine reunited with him and AJ better than ever. By all means, they shouldn't have any more problems to deal with. Sure it was unrealistic, but hadn't they earned the right? It was like danger was hanging over his shoulder, eyeing his every move and ready to step in.
"Let's go to the nursery, okay? No-one should be around to hear us around now, and besides, you should see him." He placed his hand on Clementine's shoulder, kneeling down to her level. "He’s really missed you, you know."
"He- he did?" She whispered. The smile on her face revealed she had no doubt he would feel otherwise, but just hearing this was like the first melodic tune after a lifetime of silence.
He nodded.
She rubbed hastily at her eyes again. "Take me to him, please."
...
She sniffled, masking the tears she was choking back as she looked down upon a sleeping AJ inside a crib. "I never would've thought...I mean, even you, I thought we might never get to see each-other again. But I was always so scared for AJ. I knew you could handle things, but he was- he's so little, Lee. I didn't know if he could take much more." The drops cascaded down her face, and she turned her head sharply towards the ceiling to stop them from falling. She breathed in deeply and looked back at the toddler one more time. "My little goofball."
"He was tough."
"That's for sure."
"Lingard helped us out."
Her head propped up again and she wore an intense expression. "He did?"
"Of course he did. He found more antibiotics, and he's going to be taking them for a few more weeks, and..." He stopped himself when he noticed her silence. It wasn't unlike her, but this was a different kind, the kind that silences even those outside of it. "I know you have your issues with what happened, Clem, and so do I — but he really did help. AJ is better now."
She shifted uncomfortably.
"Lingard is a good man," Lee continued.
"I'm not saying he wasn't. But Lee," she said, eyes darting to each side in turn. "We cannot trust them."
He looked confused. "What?" Just as he had begun to fully trust them, maybe more than he ever had in the time he had been with them, it came crashing down like it had before on that night of the plan. He wasn’t sure what to think anymore.
Clementine straightened herself up, preparing herself to explain. "I didn't leave for no reason, and it wasn't by choice. Joan forced me to leave."
"Joan forced you? Clem, are you sure-"
"I wouldn't lie to you, Lee!" she defended.
He held up his arms to ease her. "I know that. I'm just saying that if Joan wanted you gone then how come she's allowing you to walk free now?"
"I haven't seen Joan yet, and I don't think she knows I'm here, but I'm betting she's going to have something up her sleeve for when she finds out." Clementine rolled her eyes at the thought of the woman leading communications, being one of two council leaders she wasn't afraid to show her distaste for. "There's a lot that happened while I was gone. I didn't come here all by myself, for starters. I came with a group."
"Where are they?"
"They're getting quarantined somewhere, but I don't know where it is. I found them in a town called Prescott, and things got a little complicated along the way."
Lee had questions upon questions inside his head. "How so? I thought Prescott was a good town; they helped us out with supplies just a few days ago. Are you in trouble with them?"
She looked him directly in the eye, lowering her voice again. "No, Lee. They're in trouble with us. Prescott was raided by the New Frontier and burnt the place to the ground — one of the men I'm with, Javi, had his niece murdered, and we have a woman shot in the stomach. That's why I told them to come back here, to get her medical help."
At last, something at least seemed to ring a bell. "Javi and Kate?" He'd heard those names before. "They're-"
"David's brother and wife. We all met outside the gates." She nodded, a bitterness taking over her countenance. "I thought with his family in a state like this, he wouldn't turn us away. I still haven't forgotten about what he tried to do before I left. Besides, I came back because I knew that if you were still out there, you needed to know the truth about the others."
"Others?"
"I don't trust anyone in the New Frontier except you, Lee. The men who attacked Prescott are up to something, and we need to figure out what's going on."
"Slow down, Clem. I don't doubt you, I think something is going on, but not everyone might be involved. Ava and Paul have always looked out for us. Even David-"
"You think you can trust David? He's the last person I want to be around. I'm sure he's got something to do with all of this. We could've lost AJ forever because of him."
Lee rested his back against the wall in defeat. "Clem, this is a lot to take in."
She nodded, but still looked impatient. "I don't want to play it safe anymore, Lee. We have AJ safe and sound, we can leave right now."
"If you're right about people working against us in the New Frontier, then they'll spot us running off a mile away. I’m gonna take us to your group, okay? I need to talk with them."