How many 0p 20 do i take to get high

I train in BJJ but keen to hear thoughts from anyone who spars regularly as I'd imagine the intensity is relatively similar. Typically in a week I'd train in BJJ 3-4 times in either 1 or 2 hour blocks per session and the after some technique and drilling, we'd usually do positional or full sparring for the last 20-30 mins of class.
 
It doesn't help that class usually ends around say 8.30pm and by the time I get home and eat it'd be pushing 9-9.15pm which is close to bed time. The whoop strain score for me on these days are usually in the range of 13-17 depending on how hard I go with almost a normal distribution of zone 1-5 cardio. I find that on these nights my recovery absolutely tanks with HRV dipping by a good 40% and despite getting 7-8 hours sleep, end up with pretty subpar recovery scores. I take electrolytes, creatine and protein daily to help with recovery.
 
Keen to hear any advice y'all might have for me!

25M who is currently in a stretch to where everything is going wrong in life. It started with some minor issues that have led to major problems (currently on break in 6+ year relationship, foing through rough times at work after being a high performer, started battling some serious anxiety and depression that’s starting to cripple my life, still living at home and been wanting to move out but not sure when I want to move out or where, binge eating has made me have problems with weight even though I lift and do cardio 4-5 days a week, anxiety over being behind compared to friends and what others think of me).
I feel like everything has came down and I desperately need to change my life and I need to start now but I’m having major issues getting started and actually staying motivated. Everytime I’ve tried to get started I fall right back into the cycle without any progress. I’ve started seeing a therapist to combat some of this but I need to actually take steps myself to improve. Can anyone tell me some tips of what has worked for them in working to change their life and staying motivated as well as how to create a positive mindset through all this?

I need help and opinions. Thanks for reading if you do!
In the last year or so, I've recovered some bad memories of my childhood and some of that was preceded and followed by other bad memories of growing up with my mom and dad, Mostly my mom, and have realized that she is a narcissist among other things.
I am also currently in nursing school and if anyone has been through a grueling education process, you'll understand that your time cannot be on what you want or what other people want it to be all the time. It is 2 full time jobs worth of studying, sometimes more, on top of 2+ jobs and other responsibilities. Due to this, our relationship is growing further strained because I am not able to do what she wants me to do when she wants me to do it. She guilt trips me for studying or even just taking care of my mental health, and consistently interrupts or even stops me from studying all together. I do not study at home anymore due to that and so she guilt trips me when I come home from work or school for not being here to help or whatever it is. The thing is, I've tried to do it all plus school and multiple jobs. I can't. I almost failed my last semester because I did everything she wanted to me to do all the time bc I figured it would be easier. Obviously it wasn't. It is a lot to type out so this not everything that happened but gives you a little bit of background.
Well there has been a couple of big fights, a lot actually. And it's mentally messed with me. Now I'm at a point where I don't let it bother me too much outwardly but can't help but let it bother me on the inside sometimes. So much so, that I've decided it's time for my sister, her son and I to get an apartment. I think my parents and I's relationship would be better if I weren't here. And I told them that.
Now all of a sudden, my mom has started with this desperate campaign to show me how much of a waste of money it would be for me to move out and pushing on me that if I'm not going to buy their house that they're either going to keep it til they die (another trigger for me) or sell it to someone in the family. Earlier today, she told me that my cousin wants to buy the house. I told her, yes that's a good idea because when we get our apartment, that they could move out and get a different house and if I wanted to buy the house later on, I could. Well, apparently, she didn't expect that reaction from me. I told her that it was a good idea and she was flabbergasted. She stopped talking about that and moved on.
A few days ago, one of the fights she started was about the fact that she had accidentally taken one of my scrubs and dried them, which I dont do. I hang dry them. It wasn't a big deal to me. I just rewashed them and had to retrain the fabric again. Not a big deal but it was made a big deal bc i had to rewash them, wasting time and money. She freaks out and when I tell her that she is literally freaking out about NOTHING, it makes her angrier bc how dare I tell her that? How dare I say that she made a mistake, no matter how small it is. This blew up into her refusing to accept a mother's day gift or even read a card until I let her belittle and scream at me that I've changed and how horrible of a daughter I am, how I'm using my studying as a crutch to not do anything (even though I do), and how much I've hurt her by not doing what she wants me to do. She also said, along with my dad, that I am a narcissist because I'm setting boundaries that I do not want to talk about anything political and have to make hard boundaries about studying... in order for me to pass my classes, mind you. Only after an hour and a half of her and my dad belittling me and telling me how I've changed for the worse and how much I've hurt her, did she open the card and say "thanks for the beautiful card." She initially refused to take my card but took my sister's, literally in my face, and took the time to read everything out loud from her card before saying she will not read mine because I don't care about her or love her. This is a tactic she does often to try to pin my sister and I against each other. This is not everything, but more for background.
Her M.O. is to push the blame onto me about absolutely everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING. Even stuff that has nothing to do with me. Well, today she tried that but I caught her in a lie instead.
I had done some of mine and my sisters clothes right before she came down and I had a pair of scrubs under a sweater on the dryer that I hadn't put away yet. When she went into the laundry room to switch her laundry over (because she also tries to gatekeep the laundry room,) she lied and told me that she had just pulled the scrubs out of the dryer and said that even I mess up because I had actually put her clothes in the dryer and I hadn't taken them out. Of course she doesn't know that I knew those scrubs were NOT in that load and were already done previously.
It blew my mind.
I know she's done this before but my mind is so lost on how many times I thought I was just crazy or maybe thought I remembered wrong. And she's done this about everything. For my entire life. But I never caught her like this before.
It spiraled me and kicked up some other memories. Not good ones.
But now, every time she talks to me, I feel disgusted and angry. I can't do anything other than laugh because if I show emotion, especially the one I want, it won't end well and I'll end up being kicked out or something. But she also has an issue with me laughing with everything she says (which I would too, but I don't know how else to react). I can't believe a damn thing she says, which I thought I didn't before, but now it's so... open, is the best descriptive word I can say. I'm not exactly sure how else to describe it.
What do I do? I'm reeling. I made an appt with my therapist on Thursday but I realized today is MONDAY. I'm not sure if I can do this til Thursday.
I am not allowing myself to dive through more memories bc who knows what else I'll uncover.
Do I tell her I know? Would it help, would it make it worse? How do I stop myself from reacting to every little thing she says. I cringe and shiver even she says she loves me. It's a big physical reaction. Same when she tries the desperate thing. I can't help but laugh. I have to because otherwise I'd scream or end up sobbing. What do I do?
Has anyone been in this situation?? I need help.
I am so sorry if this does not make sense. I work overnight and haven't slept more than 2 hrs in two days. If I didn't answer something or you have questions about something, let me know and I'll answer. I need help on how to move on from this. Thank you in advance.

Hello,
I have been dating my girlfriend for about 4 years. have been living together for 2 years but our timeline was accelerated because we met early during COVID. I think we have a very good relationship in that we share similar values, can be silly around each other, and have a lot of shared interests. Earlier on I felt very intense sparks but those have subsided in favor of a less intense form of love. My girlfriend can be very anxious and needs a lot of listening / patience which I am happy to do. From the outset, she is very fun and outgoing but doesn't have that many deep relationships. I don't think many people know how anxious she can be.
About 2 years ago, I had two family members die due to COVID 19. My partner accompanied me to the funeral which I really appreciated. Unfortunately, none of my extended family came to talk to her or introduce themselves. There was a lot of tension at this event and it did not go how I thought it would at all. Since then, I have felt pretty depressed and have been facing a lot of work stress / anxiety. I am always afraid of getting laid off or fired, due to this happening to my parents several times, that I struggle to take it easy. Despite all this, we have traveled to 10 states, 15 weddings, and a foreign country and had a great time.
Now that I have gotten my weaknesses out of the way, I am at the point in life where I want to take the next step and start talking about marriage. I brought this up with my partner and they were....very hesitant. They said they fell very anxious about committing to next steps because I have been so stressed and unfun to be around. We didn't talk about breaking up but I am struggling on how to move past this. On the one hand, I understand that I have not been mentally well but on the other I feel the patience I have with her is not reciprocated. I feel like a placeholder in some sense.
What is the best way for me to approach this topic?
tldr, Talked to my girlfriend of 4 years about getting married. She feels too anxious to commit. Wondering how to talk and proceed?

This is going to be a long one. I just need to write it out so I don’t end up talking to anybody about it IRL (I don’t want many people to know - because I can’t handle anybody saying “but she is your mother” at this point), I just need to write this all down to get it out of my system.
And yup, definitely mommy issues here. I grew up with only her, only child, and she isolated us from everybody else because of her hoarding (and her personality). I feel like I have been living my life like an orphan trying to raise myself, combined with the strange mix of being a child who never felt like a child, who was trying to be the parent for my parent.
I’ve had a lot of… unfortunate events take place in my life, things that when I have told people 5% of it they would say it sounds horrible, that no person should experience things like that (in a variety of categories). But… I am dead set that the one thing that has affected me the most in my life is my mother’s neglect.
She did her best, it wasn’t good enough.
It’s been almost 6 months since I went no contact (well technically very low contact since I have exchanged maybe 5 - 6 text messages in the past half year) with my mother, and it got me thinking what pushed me over the edge to go no contact this time around - considering my mother hasn’t changed that much at her core. Sure, she has gotten older and even more rigid, but she is still my mother, with the same personality traits she always had.
I went to visit her three times last fall. I tried to help her. Be her “parent”. Take her to various doctors after she has neglected her own health for years. Arrange for home help. Clean up the worst of the hoard (like the literal rotting trash). Get the bathroom and kitchen back into a functional state so she can continue to live in her home. Try to clean up the worst parts of how she has neglected herself and her surroundings (her apartment).
That in itself didn’t make me go no contact.
It wasn’t that I came to a hoarded, dirty house that made me cut her out.
It wasn’t that she blatantly lied and said she had cleaned the apartment to bait me into coming visiting in the first place that made me go no contact.
It wasn’t that she refused to accept help from anybody but me until I put my foot down and pretty much forced it through.
It wasn’t even that she was so rude to both nurses and me, always either wanted to have power over someone or being the victim.
It was wasn’t even that she has so little interest in me or anything about me that she has no idea about what is going on in my life.
All of those things are sad, devastating even, but those things didn’t make me say “enough”. I’ve been living with her as my mother for close to 40 years. Of course, all of these things were some of the underlying factors, but I what drove me over the edge was a ridiculous, tiiiiiiiny little thing, tbh. And to explain that tiny little thing, I need to give some back story.
When I moved back from another country I had brought back a blanket from that country that I used on my bed. I used it when I lived with my previous partner in this other country, I used it when I lived alone in that country, and I used it when I moved back to this country and stayed over in the tiny room in her apartment I cleaned out so I had a base to help her with the rest of the apartment.
Because of Covid (and my reluctance to go back into her hoarded apartment), I had not been in that apartment for 4 years (2019 - 2023). In that apartment there was a tiny 6 square meter room that I cleaned up.
When I say “clean up”, it is an understatement. That room had been completely been blocked off because of her hoard from top to bottom from when I was younger. To the point where the door did not open and it was impossible to enter the room. I literally had to pry the door open, and try to pull out item by item until there was enough space to actually open the door.
But I cleaned the entire 6 square meters over the years! I bought a little foldable bed, a pillow and a duvet, some furniture, sorted my stuff in there, and my mother promised that this could be “my room” in her apartment. This was because she really wanted me to come visiting (and she needed my help), and the rest of the apartment is… unsanitary. I had two specific requests for that room - that she would not put any of her hoard in there, and not let the cats in there - since I am allergic. (I can take an allergy tablet and be fine around cats, but I can’t live in an environment with a ton of cat hair.)
When I returned for the first time in 4 years in 2023, the little room I’ve kept clean years prior was covered in cat hair and cat puke. And she has started hoarding there again as well. So she broke that promise - to keep that ONE tiny room cat- and clutter-free. (Technically she also flat out lied and said she has cleaned her apartment so I would come visit in the first place, but I thought that it sounded so far fetched I didn’t believe it in the first place. But the ONE tiny room though, I trusted she could keep that tiny space in her house - and her heart - for me.)
I got both sad and angry when I saw the state of the room. I had to buy a new pillow, and a new duvet, new sheets - which wasn’t covered in… cat piss, puke and hair. But my blanket, my dear blanket… I said that the least she could do was getting it dry cleaned. That was on visit number one last fall.
I even found a place she could hand the blanket in, and we even went there together and made sure they could clean the blanket for like 50 dollars (not a terrible price in this country for that type of blanket).
The blanket was completely covered in cat hair and what I presume to be cat puke (despite her swearing that the cats had never been in that room EVER or on that blanket on the bed EVER. She really took delulu is the new solulu to another level. I really think she believes her own lies). I cleaned off as much haipuke as I could from my blanket. Then I packed it up in a sealed bag, so it was ready to go to the dry cleaners.
Came back a second time, about a month later. She hadn’t taken the blanket to the dry cleaner yet. My itinerary was packed, following her to doctors appointments, setting up home help, the whole shabang.
Came back for the third time last fall, about a month after that again. She still had not taken the blanket to the dry cleaning. It was right where I left it, gathering dust.
So that is what broke me. That god damn blanket is the catalyst to why I went no contact. I haven’t been there since November 2023. (She lives a 7 hr train ride / 45 min flight away).
I will contact her at the end of May, and ask her if the blanket has been dry cleaned.
I am willing to bet a substantial amount of money that it has not. Despite me finding the place she can hand it in to be dry cleaned. Despite me packing the blanket up in a bag for easy transport.
I honestly don’t know where to go from here when I will (most likely) confirm that she hasn’t gotten the blanket dry cleaned. The place to hand it in is literally 5 min away with car, 7 by bus, 25 min to walk. And if she hasn’t been able to do that for me in 6 months - it is baffling to me if she doesn’t understand why I have to limit contact with her?
I know this is such a tiny thing. It’s just a blanket. But this is how every little tiny - and big - thing is with her.
I chose the flair that says “support through advice”, and I guess what I am asking is not how I can change her or her habits - I have lost most hopes she will change - but if someone can tell me if there are other solutions than no contact here? I feel so guilty. She doesn’t have many people in her life. I am an only child. She has no partner. Very little contact with friends. But at the same time I felt enraged whenever I had to communicate with her last fall before I went no contact. I thought maybe the no contact would have her reflect on her behaviors, but clearly this is a moot point. So where do I go from here? I don’t think I can ever forgive myself if she were to pass away and I would have been no contact. But I also feel so bitter and angry just thinking about picking up any contact with her again.

Question around custody for newborns
Hello,
My partner and I recently had a frat twin babies.
Things seemed to be going well, but now there is a weird control factor.
Originally from all the information and advice I got as a new expecting parent, it was to lean into help. It takes a village to raise a kid and luckily enough we both have parents in the area to help.
I start up work soon and will have to work 40 hours a week hybrid.
Currently we sleep a shift schedule to take care of newborns. They are 1 month and a half old. I am expected me to take on a different sleep schedule slightly to make it into work on time certain days.
It is expected that I will be able to work full time, and take care of the kids when I get home. Since she will take care of the kids during the day while I’m gone then they would get down time for all the hard work they do.
I totally respect that we both need downtime, but I think they seem to forget that I won’t have any.
I’ve mentioned we should lean into the family to help and their response is they don’t want to have family around all the time helping.(I have mentioned a couple hours at a time isn’t all the time, and it’s very helpful, but they shut me down each time saying I’m forcing my narrative, which I feel is a serious conversation that needs to be had.
My first solution was to talk it out in couples therapy. No insurance seems to cover this, but I’ve mentioned the cost makes sense for me to put towards building a better, more productive communication for our longevity. They say they don’t want to cough up their half of the costs for therapy and I’ve mentioned I’ll pay for it because I think it’s important.
I am usually shot down after this saying oh they don’t have time to add another thing to their schedule.
I feel the next best solution is to discuss custody if there is no resolve from this communication.
Since they want to be independent, they can, on my days, I’ll lean on family to help while they are willing and can. On their days, they can do it on their own or call in help from family.
If this isn’t the most logical next step, after trying multiple times to get into therapy, I don’t know what else to do. I plan to try a few more times to set up therapy with them for a productive conversation. I don’t know how many times I should try, but I haven’t given up hope. I’m just the type of person who wants to have to options laid out for pros and cons.
Maybe this is the wrong sub and if so I’m sorry. I just want to know peoples experiences with custody for newborns and how to approach that conversation if needed.
Thanks for any help.

I (30F) am getting married this year abroad and my Dad is not invited to the wedding anymore.
Bit of a back story, I grew up with 2 drug addicted parents. My mom died a few years ago due to a drug overdose and my dad doesn’t do hard drugs anymore however still smokes pot and takes Valium.
I never argued with my Dad, we always got a long great no matter how ‘ out of it ‘ he was, I never judged my parents or seen them as anything else other than my parents who showed me a lot of love but had demons they could never get rid of and unfortunately it got a grip of my mom,
My Dad has a really bad temper, never towards me but if anyone did him wrong then he would lash out, whether you were someone he knew, the police or even one of his friends.
My Dad broke up with my mom in 2015 and was with a new woman , we’ll call her Carly (she also smokes pot, takes tablets )
I didn’t mind my Dad being with Carly as my Mom and Dad were always very toxic together and they were never suited together.
My Mom died in 2019 and it was really hard on all of us especially my little brother (17M) who I am so close with, he then went to live with my Dad full time and I was living with my now fiance at the time.
Fast forward to now, my dad wants to bring Carly to our wedding, I don’t want her there as I’m really nervous that my Dad will get so high on our wedding day and embarrass us so when he asked can Carly go, I said no but said it would be disrespectful to Mom as I didn’t want to tell the truth about being nervous he will be high on the day incase he got defensive however I should of just said the truth.
My Dad was off with me for about 2 weeks and then last night, out of nowhere he exploded in a disgusting text message where he has said things that he has never said before to me however , he has said these things to other people so I know it was him. He said he wished I was dead, that I need to ‘get over’ my mom being dead and if she was alive she wouldn’t be at my wedding and said I think I’m better than everyone else.
Just for reference, I went down a path where I seen my parents do drugs and refused to have a life like that, I never went to college but wanted to work, have my own money and have my own independence. I now own my own home with my fiancé and don’t depend on anyone financially so this is why my Dad said I think I’m better than anyone else.
I didn’t even argue, I just messaged back and said I’m really hurt and to never contact me again and blocked his number.
I don’t know what else to do here as my Dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle, I have such a small family as it is and now my Mom, Dad and possible my little brother (17M) won’t be there.
I’m really stuck at this point and have not stopped crying all day.
Have I over reacted here?

TL;DR, We are witnessing the formation of a content mediocrity curve that occurs when many options are forced to exist around the same level of power. The system needs to be more integrated with other features so that weapons can be balanced without adjusting their direct level of power. A good way to do this would be tying weapon power to cooldown rate.
 
Horizontal balancing is a good philosophy when aiming for wide array of viable options, but runs into issues when having too few balancing levers. Too many options are forced to exist around the same level of power, as all primary weapons are directly competing for the same spot and role with no external cost or benefit to other systems.
The way Mass Effect 3 approached this issue was with weapon weight. Stronger weapons tended to weigh more and increased your cooldown times. Weaker weapons tended to weigh less, decreasing cooldowns. Helldivers 2 could benefit greatly with an implementation of a similar system. Bringing more powerful, complex weapons eats into your mission budget, making it take longer to get approval for each stratagem use. Bringing weaker options, or even opting to bring two cheap, surplus sidearms, would make stratagem approval faster, reducing your cooldowns.
 
How this could function:

(Note: values shown are for example purposes only. Proper balancing is to be left to the certified balance experts)

 

• Players can equip any two weapons in their primary and secondary slots.
   
  
• Each weapon has a "budget allocation" value.
   
  
• Sidearms no longer have their own slot, but all have a budget allocation of 0 to 10.
   
  
• Base cooldowns are applied at a budget allocation of 100.
   
  
• Every 10 points under 100 increases the rate of stratagem regeneration by 20%. At 0, this would give the Railcannon Strike a cooldown of 70 seconds, down from 210.
   
  
• Every 10 points over 100 decreases the rate of stratagem regeneration by 5%. At 200, the Railcannon Strike would have a cooldown of 420 seconds, up from 210.
   
  

Example budget allocation values:

(examples are multiples of 10 for the purpose of simplicity, actual numbers could have any value)

• 0: Peacemaker
  
• 10: Grenade Pistol
  
• 20: Scythe
  
• 30: Breaker Spray and Pray
  
• 40: Liberator
  
• 50: Sickle
  
• 60: Breaker
  
• 70: Pre-nerf Slugger
  
• 80: Dominator
  
• 90: Scorcher
  
• 100: Pre-nerf Eruptor
   
  

A system like this would greatly increase the room for balancing guns. An overperforming weapon wouldn't need to have its direct power nerfed, as it could be indirectly nerfed by increasing its budget cost. Likewise, an underperforming weapon like the Scythe wouldn't need to be buffed, possibly causing powercreep and stepping on the toes of other weapon, when it could instead be a cheap backup weapon for when you want a little more oomph than what a sidearm offers. This would also offer people the option to intentionally take weak weapons in exchange for a greatly increased rate of stratagem availability.
 
Addressing possible issues:

Wouldn't this be a significant buff to player power?

Yes. That's naturally going to occur when making a more complex system. The solution would be to adjust the difficulty around this. Ultimately the goal should be for a balanced game with more interesting loadout decisions.

Couldn't one player just bring good weapons for other players who bring pistols, intentionally respawning multiple piles of weapons?

Sure, but that costs lives and something similar already exists with support weapons and backpacks. There are other ways around this as well, such as making it so you can only carry spare ammo for weapons you bring. Sure, you could pick someone's Eruptor up off the ground, but you'd only have what's left in the magazine to shoot.
 
Helldivers 2 is an amazing game that is going to be choked out by the deluge of mediocre content we will get unless something changes. There's room in the design space for overpowered primary weapons that carry appropriate costs for running them. Arrowhead needs to see this iceberg they are slowly approaching and shift course.

Please give me some advice on this! His ex, him and me!
Background information: I (25 Male gay) am seeing a guy (29 Male gay) who still contacts his ex often even if I am not comfortable with. I started to see this guy a few months ago and we had good communication and often hangout and things go well. However, things started to get weird. There was one time he invited friends including me to his house for crawfish boil and he told me his ex will also be there. They have broke up for 6 months and he told me he would never go back to date his ex. I was okay with going there even if his ex is there. However, he wouldn’t want to admit we are seeing other or knowing each other from a dating app, so when his friend asked us how we met. He wanted me to say we know each other through a mutual friend and to avoid awkwardness, I agreed with that. Plus we just started to see each other at that time, but there was always something in the back of my head that I don’t want to lie about it and I don’t feel comfortable that he doesn’t want introduce me as we seeing each other. After that party, we got much closer and had more conversation and went to my friend wedding together (at the wedding I wanted to say hi to my ex, but he said i don’t feel comfortable if you do that, so I cared about his feelings and didn’t say hi to my ex) and things were going well.
One day, I was hanging out at his house and his ex drove by and saw my car there and started to text him and blocked him because his ex still has feelings about him. He told me “you should’ve parked your car in my garage” and he became panic and nervous and didn’t know what to do and try to explain he is just hanging out with a friend. His ex threatened him to come over to his place and to check who is he hanging out with. That made me really uncomfortable so I just left because I don’t want any drama before we date and I also think he didn’t handle this situation with his ex well. at that day I also find out they hang out every Wednesday night at his place. They also had sex after they broke up. But anyways, he came over to my place that night we had a conversation and he talked to his ex the second day and the situation get better. He promised me this will never happen again.
Then there was one weekend where we were supposed to go carting with some friends and include his ex and me. He told me if I don’t feel comfortable about his ex coming he would tell his ex not coming. So I told him I don’t think that’s a good idea for us to co-exist together because I have to hide that we are just friends. He also never told his friends that we’re seeing each other. And we already lied about how we know each other at the crawfish boil party at the beginning, so that’s why I don’t want his ex to come. He said yes, but he called me two days later that his ex already paid the ticket and that his ex partially planned this event with him so I was OK for him to go even if I don’t feel comfortable with. Btw, I always introduce him to my friends that we are seeing each other.
Recently he has been very busy about his work so we didn’t hang out too much and he told me he couldn’t even call me because his busy schedule which I don’t feel comfortable but I also know that week he has been very busy about his work, but I was also thinking you can’t even call me for like five minutes to share your day with me which also made me uncomfortable and annoyed.
This week his work is not that busy, but he wants to invite his ex and other friends to get together again to another event next weekend. I was very annoyed by him inviting his ex this over and over again, even if I don’t feel comfortable to be with his ex at the same event, and I have communicate with him many times. Last time his ex went there because his ex already paid the ticket but this time I think he shouldn’t invite his ex. He told me that he just want everyone to be happy and not to be left out and he’s also figuring out our situationship. I understand his concern because he is out of country for 10 days and his ex will take care of his dogs so he scared if his ex was left out he might not want to take care of his dogs anymore, but I offered I can do that for him too.
Now I have some concerns that should I continue with this guy or he is not ready to date someone or start a new relationship? I honestly think I made some many compromises and being very understandable, but I feel like he might not be ready to move on which I am fine with just being friends with him cuz I know my worth.
Please give me your honest opinion and advice for me and him.

I will try to keep this post short. I lived in mexico pretty much my whole life. I started engineering school when I was around 18 years old. My whole life I struggled with undiagnosed mental problems like depression and adhd. I basically dropped out after 3.5 years( out of 5 and I failed/repeated many classes so it was basically 2.5 years) to come to the USA . I started here but given that I didn't really work on fixing my issues and exploring how to be a good student, I fell back on bad old habits. Dropped classes, stopped going to class, got bad grades on relatively easy classes. Fast forward a couple of years I decided to switch my major to math and go into teaching because it would have been faster and I needed less credits. Even though I was "bad" a school I managed to work and do well as a math tutor ( because I was able to get some decent grades in some math classes ) , so I thought that my next step was to become a teacher.
Two years later I find myself really disliking teaching and wondering if I am able to go back to school given that I think I am fairly competent human specially in subjects related to numbers.
I frequently see people that I tutored graduating from engineering school, getting internships, doing well professionally and I can't help but wonder if I should go back and finish a my degree in electrical engineering ( given that is the one that seems the more interesting to me ).
I have thought about going to grad school but honestly I just want to go back to the basics and for grad school I would probably have to take at least 2 semeters worth of prereqs. I have taking so many classes and dropped/failed/retook them that I should probably have 2 or even 3 bachelors degrees at this point. (200+ credits)
Maybe school isn't for me and I can try to figure out something outside of the school system or a way to scratch that itch.
I don't know if given my extensive academic record with substantial failures will severely limit my opportunities if I decide to go to go back to school
More context:
I have some savings and can afford to go to an affordable in state school
29 (M) with a bachelors in math.
Not really interested in data science or statistics as a main career or actuarial sciences.

I've been using the regular Square POS system, not Square for Restaurants, since we're basically just a bar with walk-up snack orders, no table service, and need something really simple for the staff without any confusing extras. Only problem with it is we now want to go to a system where customers sign onscreen instead of printing out receipts for them to sign. Currently the staff has hundreds of paper receipt tips to input in the POS and then count out by hand at the end of the night, which takes 20 minutes or more and sometimes leads to mistakes.
This is the ONE thing I'm unhappy about with Square POS - if I switch to customers signing and tipping onscreen, the staff have no way of knowing how many tips they made each night. It's not listed on the day report printout and I can't seem to find a way for them to see it on the POS. So how will they know how many tips to pull from the register? They split the cash + card tips among themselves and do a cash payout from the till at the end of the night. Figuring out who gets what after the fact would be a nightmare for management, with all the last minute shift changes, people leaving early if it's slow, etc. Everyone's been happy with the arrangement of splitting it between themselves. Just trying to figure out a way for the staff to see on the POS what the card tips were for the drawer they're closing out.
Thanks for any help. This is a just a small bar with really basic needs, otherwise. We do have a huge selection of beers, liquors, cocktails, etc, that would be a nightmare to switch to a new POS system, but we don't do reservations or table service, and for food we only sell things like bags of chips, basically.

I think about starving myself all the time. Sometimes these thoughts come suddenly, here and gone like flashes of light. The want to reverse all my work to get where I am now is fleeting. Other times, it creeps in slowly. It starts with catching my face in the mirror, and all I can think of is how fat it is. Once I nitpick at the shape of my face, I pick apart the rest of it. My eyes aren’t the same shape. My eyebrows aren’t shaped well enough. My nose is huge, it’s not dainty or cute. I start to regret not saving all my student loan money from before I met you so I could’ve fixed my nose. After I am done criticizing my face I move to my body. There is not much I like about my body. My stomach is too big, my breasts aren’t big enough, my hips are huge, I have weird feet, and my waist isn’t small enough. I especially hate my legs. When I stand my thighs are bad enough, but when I sit they double in size. My legs are fat, they are not skinny and I can’t remember a time they were. They do not look nice with short dresses which is why I feel most comfortable in ones that almost touch the floor.
When I am done focusing all my energy on my body, I begin to think of all the ways I can fix it. I could stop eating entirely, that would fix it quickly. I realistically couldn’t do that. It’d cause too many fights. Instead I would start with giving us unequal portions of the scrambled eggs. Even though I used six eggs, I’ll only serve myself two. I would cut out the juice and sweet coffee syrup I love so much. I can get stevia, I don’t need black sugar syrup in my coffee. There’s too many calories there. I would continue to cut out things slowly but surely. I’d cut out sugar, bread, and high calorie proteins. I’d insist on being vegan because as much as I love animals and that should be enough it’s really about the calories.
I look up weights, heights, and bmis of every celebrity that hits my social media. I research ways to get weight loss drugs, unsure if they would work but willing to give them a try. I think about buying a scale all the time and where I would hide it. I schedule in my head when I would use it. I’ve thought about driving to the mall every day and spending a quarter to weigh myself in the women’s bathroom by the food courts. It’s not as bad as having a scale in the house, right?
I don’t know how to tell you this. I’m not looking for a reason to be sad or cause problems. I am constantly at war with my brain. Everything and anything can trigger thoughts of wishing I would waste away. Once they start to spiral down I feel like I can’t escape them. I’m trapped, unable to move, unable to breathe. I have to wait for them to clear on their own, in the meantime I must stay silent. If I speak a single word, I’m worried it’ll become too real and all the actions in my head will be released. I am scared once I start, I won’t stop. I will lose weight until there is nothing left and I am a shell of the girl you fell in love with.

I’m seeing way too many posts asking “how do I sneak into VIP?” “How tight is security in VIP?”. I do not recommend you doing this, if you get caught, you will get kicked out. This is the not PLUR way. By trying to sneak in or sneak someone in, you’re taking away from the people that worked hard and saved up to afford VIP.

My(16F) Boyfriend (18M) and i recently got into a relationship. my boyfriend is a senior and i am a junior, before getting into a relationship we were best friends for around 3 years. we have been through thick and thin together and both have grown into who we are today. next week we will be coming up on our 4th month; it has been a very short relationship however he and i have both grown as people so much together and have learned so much relationship wise. because we have been friends our relationship has moved faster than all our previous ones, however we also are so connected on a deeper level that it feels like we have been together for years. our friends often compare us to an old married couple, we sit on par benches and admire the nature around us for dates, bicker and joke around with each other, and have kind of an old souls tied together type relationship. now for the hard part, getting into this relationship we both agreed that this relationship is on a timeline and that we will have to break up and continue on as being just friends moving forward because he is going to japan for the whole summer and then immediately to college. at first i was accepting of this because we had agreed on this very early in our relationship. however, as we continued i fell more and more in love with this man each day. i truly didn't know i could love a person this much and it hurts. i talked to him some weeks ago about this and practically begged him to reconsider us breaking up. i told him to take a couple days to take some time to think about this and to have a conversation with me about it when he is ready. this past weekend he sat me down to have the conversation, he told me that his opinion had not changed because he wanted to end this relationship on good terms and not have it on a lifeline throughout the summer and possibly the school year because he is HORRIBLE at texting people and hates being on his phone. he told me that he wont cut me out of his life and that he will never stop liking me and if it works out would like to try again in the future, however he made me promise that i wont hold out for him and mold my life to getting back with him. he still wants to be a big part of my life and still be my best friend. i agreed with this and told him that if that is what he wants that is what we will do and that i am not gonna fight for him to change his mind. while i am happy that we will stay in each other's lives and can still be possibly together romantically again in the future. however i am very scared that i could be losing the love of my life... as crazy as it sounds i truly feel like our relationship is so much more than a casual high school relationship or a relationship to learn how to properly love in a relationship. yes we have learned a lot and have taught each other so much but i am afraid one of us will potentially move on while the other is still holding onto hope that we will end up together again, mainly the person holding on being me. he is staying local for college and will only be about an hour at most away and the college he is attending is one of my top colleges as well. we both have similar future plans and wants and when talking about what we want in the future such as what we want our future house to look like, kids, marriage, and careers we have similar if not the same ideas and expectations so it feels like the universe is simply making it obvious that we are so much more than a temporary fling. however i believe that if we are meant to be, we will come back into each other's lives at a better time and a lot of our friends also believe that we are meant to be together. i am still going to keep my promise of not intentionally holding out for him, however dating him has raised my standards way to high for most likely all other boys our age, he is the only person in my life that i know will play a significant role in my life and will have a major part in my big life events such as my wedding. what that role specifically is, only time will tell.
thank you for listening to my rant, i apologize for all grammatical errors and run on sentences.
**TL;DR;** : my boyfriend and i are breaking up over the summer however i am absolutely devastated because i believe that we are meant to be together

I (19F) live with my parents and have a brother (32M) that recently had to come back to live with us due to financial troubles. My father had agreed to let him stay and figure things out and helped him out with over 10k CAD. However, his behaviour is becoming increasingly more concerning. There is a whiteboard that he brought over from his apartment that he’s been using to write down his thoughts. Overtime, the amount of stuff written on it increases and is more confusing to understand. I can provide more specific examples with pictures but there’s many mentions of injury (unsure if it’s towards himself or other people), and mentions of him being the high power. There is much more written but it’s too complex to summarize. Additionally, he laughs to himself quite often while alone in a room. If I, or anyone else, is in the same area of the house, he goes into the bathroom/his room/the basement and laughs quite loudly like he cannot hold it in. All he seems to do all day is think. He used to go on walks in the neighbourhood but stopped. At some point he would walk outside barefoot but remain near the driveway and this could happen at times like 3pm or even midnight. I know he did hard drugs when he was younger (most likely around his 20’s) and would get in trouble a few times with the law as well. Recently, on mother’s day, it seemed as though he snapped and yelled extremely loudly while cursing both my parents out. My father later told me that he was scared for his safety and that my mother was going to call the cops but didn’t. Honestly I’m just looking for what I should do or what he may be dealing with. Both my parents have tried to talk to him about getting help, however he refuses to see that there is an issue and if there is one, he blames it on them as they’re the ones that raised him. His financial issues are due to him not working for the last 4 years and ignoring any mail that comes in (ex: bills).
Sorry if this is all over the place, I’m just looking for answers. I live in Quebec, Canada if there are any resources available here.

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You read that right. When I was 6, my mom lost custody of my brother and I, and after that happened I didn't see her ever again up until a few weeks ago. She got married traveled the world and lived her life. I spoke to her on the phone on and off over the past few years but we always lost touch with one another. She finally agreed (after flaking out many times on previous plans) for us to meet and it was a neutral experience in my eyes. I honestly felt pretty resentful to see how amazing her life ended up turning out and how happy she seemed while my brother and I were mentally, sexually, physically, and emotionally abused in our childhood by our father and stepmother. Also, when I was 15 my father left our family and my stepmother no longer wanted to care for us so I ended up in the system and ultimately on my own from that point forward. Life was a freaking struggle and I didn't have anyone to call to help me in times where I could have used the help. I felt resentful towards her for being so carefree and naive about life when I was in her presence. She casually threw around how she owned several homes and traveled the world and how financially free and set up she and her husband were. I just hated hearing it. The kicker to me was that she had the nerve to judge my brother and me for how we turned out and what we chose to do with our lives. Neither one of us are college educated but both of us are entrepreneurs. My brother is a millionaire and I'm still not in a space (yet) where my business has taken off and I'm bartending and waiting tables on the side (she's been criticizing me for this and telling me I need to get a real job).
This woman just doesn't get it. She even had the nerve to talk about my parenting (I had a child in high school and dropped out BUT I RAISED HER and she turned out to be a pretty damn good gal-She's currently in the Navy and I couldn't be more proud-plus she is such a daddy's girl and I am so proud that I was able to break a generational family curse two-fold).
Anyway, I was dreading Mother's day this year TBH, I knew she was going to expect a grand gesture from me and I just sent a text that said "Happy Mother's Day." She ignored the text and responded back today telling me I was pathetic for such a dry and unthoughtful Mother's Day gesture and that she deserved more than that from me.
She even got my brother involved and my brother told me I should have done more.
I'm so confused. Isn't Mother's Day for mothers who raised their children or am I nuts?

I'm sorry for posting this but I haven't been able to talk about what's really happening the last 12 months because no one cares to listen to people like me. I just really need to write this down so it isn't just inside me forever, I'm not expecting any replies or help, I just want someone to know my story because i dont know when or how it will end. (also i wrote this at 11pm after not sleeping for 3 days, so theres a chance none of this makes sense)
I am 14, turning 15 in a few months.
I have been dealing with severe depression(?) for around 4 years now, but the issues started way before that. there is something seriously wrong with me, and i am not blaming anyone but myself. I'm diagnosed with adhd, severe social & general anxiety disorder, autism, and ptsd. I have an abundance of issues cleaning and taking care of myself which i am extremely embarrassed about.
I attempted to truly end my life first when i was 10 via od on a prescription. the second time i was 11, i tied a ribbon very tightly around my neck, and fell asleep crying from both sadness and relief. i remember waking up, and it was like my body automatically started desperately searching for anything sharp to get it off my neck. i had a red spot on the side for a while after that, i covered it with a fake tattoo so my mom wouldn't have to worry about my older brother as well as me.
I resorted to online learning for middle school after bullying and sexual harassment, plus issues with the school that lead to cps being called. skip forward to now, my only friends are online, and they make fun of me for being autistic, and say they forget im a real person regularly. I understand, i dont expect them to care that much about someone theyve never spoken to in person before, i just wish i could be someones first choice.
december last year i started smoking weed, and that made me forget about how much i wanted to die. unfortunately, that got me addicted immediately. i couldn't bare being sober, if i wasnt high off my mind i was sobbing and shaking. eventually my mom found out, and I (mostly) stopped. unfortunately, the inevitable happened. i started stealing liquor, drank almost a whole bottle of tequila by myself within ~6 days. mom found out about that too, and stopped buying alcohol as well as starting to lock up the medication in the house. this was the beginning of the end. i hate myself for what i did. my mom did everything right, i, however, did everything wrong. i started abusing gabapentin, which quickly lost its magic. i told myself i was never going to touch stimulants or amphetamines, but of course i did. I was desperate to feel something that i started abusing my adhd meds. i hate them, i cant eat or sleep on them, but they make me focus on something that isnt my thoughts.
I've done everything i wanted to do before i go. today was my friends 16th birthday, yesterday was mothers day, and a few days before that was my one year on HRT. (not getting into that right now lol) i didnt think id make it to 13, I truly dont know why I'm still here. I can't remember a day i havent wanted to just leave and be free from emotion and people. I'll probably delete this when i see it in the morning, but i desperately needed to get this off my chest. I had potential, I was smart and kind and bright, and then the people around me grew up, while i was still waiting for my turn.
Maybe if I was born into a different family i could've been a psychologist like ive always wanted to. In another lifetime.

I am a total noob when it comes to pushing builds past the original guide, and am struggling to use PoB. Anyone willing to help me out here? My current setup https://pobb.in/h-WWeX2FdZfn
I know what I need to work to, but I am not sure what to chase next and have a few questions.

1. 89 max res (with flask) I heard Purity of elements can fill that last %, will level 21 fix this for me? and mind talking me through how to do this in pob?
2. Unnatural Instinct, Perandious pact, Might of the Meak interactions. This is 236% Fire damage it looks like from the build I am "following" https://pobb.in/n2xUA3bfNV3a But I don't understand how to get it to calculate properly in PoB. Is it worth dropping the top part of the tree (past the fire mastery) to get this? Would drop the cluster too, but I think I can keep the jewels in different spots.

I am currently trying to craft a scepter. 5 fails on getting the fracture from corpses. My helm needs many improvements, as does my ring im aware, but it does the job of capping res for now. Headhunter is temporary. Goals to get mageblood. Only 85d off give or take...
Snow.shirosnow Discord ID if it's easier. Thanks in advance for any help
Quick edit: Helm now has 8% Phys taken as fire craft, Watchers eye 9% Phys taken as fire socketed.

So I've been doing meditation from past 3 days, approximately 30 min a day...
I just want to share what is happening behind the closed eye lids. If anyone can explain or give me any information, it'd be glad to take in.
So my background, I've just resigned my job and I'm serving 1 month notice period which ends on June 30. I'm having 2 years experience in software engineering.
In April first half, my love of my life got married to another person... The heart break lead me to resign my job and experience life in a new instead of the same loop from past 2 years.
Out of all the going on in the background I've got suggestion in YouTube, Bill donahue. He was explaining so much on how sit 30 minutes a day in meditation and see how life unfolds.
Report:
I usually sit on my bed in Lotus postion with a pillow behind my back.
The first 5 minutes into meditation, my everyday thoughts, like what should I say in the stand up, how and what to speak to certain people today, my daily interactions would come in my thoughts and reply them in my thoughts..
Soon I realise, it's my thoughts and I just get back to watching how breathing works. This keeps going on for 10 - 15 min, all thoughts which are hid inside my come up and I reply to each thought and when I get myself caught I go back to breathing.
Now after 15 min starts the interesting section of meditation, many things happen at this stage. I'd like to give a glimpse.
I travel into circles first, it's like I'm going in a tunnel and then another tunnel and many tunnels. I'll just keep going on into it.
Then I see art, beautiful live art playing around. At this time my inner self talks to me.
Suddenly everything becomes blank and I'm traveling in the universe, multiple galaxies pass by... Something other thing happens and alot of visuals.
The point the visuals teach me is looking from higher point of view, like zooming out and looking at things.
And then I chill around this space, thoughts come by. I lose the visuals, iyoo be almost 28 min or close 30 min. I stop meditation with a namaste and open my eyes.
After opening my eyes, my vision looks like big, like I can see whole 180° degree from my eye vision. It lasts for few minutes and I'm back to real reality, back to everyday life.
Thank you for reading this. If you connect or have any information, please do let me know in the comments. Thank you.
I'm thinking to ask help from my inner self to give a better job while continuing to upskill my self in real reality.

just wanted to share my experience and get some advice or suggestions, open to any especially if someone has also experienced the same thing. Anxiety and stress is genetic throughout my family but just up til about recently I have experienced my first severe panic attack. About a week ago I was having fun feeling relaxed and decided to take a hit of a weed pen that my friend had gotten from a vape store. I usually never smoke weed nor like it because it has always given me an experience of panic and paranoia that i did not enjoy. I then decided to take a few hits and nothing happened and i did not feel it or any effects off of it so i took one more hit of it and after about 20-30 mins i had gotten up out of bed and this big sorta rush feeling came right over me and i instantly freaked out and could feel my heart beating out of my chest. i had to lay down with my face in a blanket just to feel somewhat okay. eventually it had whore off... next day i wake up completely fine then after a few hours i feel that terrible feeling again come up over me and it sorta felt like i was high again so i started freaking out and my heart began to race. I took some benadryl seemed to subside the horrible feelings. next day I woke up with symptoms of depersonalization/ derealization. this is what i would say i usually experience while "high" but this was actually the worst I have ever felt. I had to run outside and sit down, i started bawling and my heart felt like it was beating uncontrollably. I looked around and it felt like I was all alone stuck in a dream like I wasn't even real. Since then it has been a couple of days with my symptoms decreasing slowly. every now and then i feel scared and have the fear of the feeling coming back and my heart racing. I do wake up sometimes in the middle of the night with my heart racing with difficulty of breathing. I have mostly been taking benadryl and vitamin D to help. I am trying to stay away from medications. but What seems to be really worrying me is my lack of concentration and control. I always feel drowsy and can't seem to concentrate and have a hard time with remembering things. I think the cause of the anxiety and fear was the cannabis pen. i am just looking for ways to relax my mind, and i am always stuck on the thought if im forever going to feel like this. before this incident i have never experienced things like this before, im not sure if i am only having anxiety because of my experience with the weed or it had actually opened me up to anxiety if that makes sense. only worry now seems to be getting my concentration back and feeling like i am a real person again and enjoying things like how i used to, has anyone else who has smoked or has anxiety experienced this? im wondering if the depersonalization is just from the weed or the anxiety itself and if it will be long term or subside. slowly tho the days have been getting better with little to none mini panic attacks