my stbxw finally came over with her new boyfriend to move her stuff yesterday. I had him stay by the truck as he was arrested for felony abuse and strangulation on an exgirlfriend 10 years ago. This is the same guy who I discovered changed my PSN account to his name and she said, "no, I sold the ps5 to a sober living home, they didn't format it, etc." So i looked up his name and found a news story outlining his arrest. I was also on my mom's FB to notify her friends about her hospitalization, and the feed decided I needed to see this new boyfriend's post of them hiking, "I'm so lucky to have her!" Regarding his criminal background, "I heard his side of the story, I believe him, he was just 18." She's 38 and he's 28, so the midlife crisis is real.
I had a very petty moment while helping her load the stuff into the u-haul and noticed a UN-Reno beer koozie I had picked up on a trip. Coincidentally we were married there too. I was like, "here's a little gift." he said, "aww man, I spent 20 years of my life there." Unfortunately, I responded, "yeah, I was married there." and walked away.
In the meantime, I (33m) let a (45f) fellow divorcee stay at my house, until she decided I was dating other people. Called the cops twice at my house for when she went on a date and got abused. Took his hypertension meds as evidence she was drugged. But then she claimed that I did it. Thankfully, her exhusband just drove up to get her, so I have my house to myself again. I retreated to my mom's old house while she was having this meltdown, she broke my computer monitor and sold my xbox for cigarette money. Her husband traded me for her old pc monitor, but I'm still out a xbox. I didn't really use it, but kinda theft right?
Anyway, don't allow people from dating apps squat in your house, could be bad!

this is going to be a very complicated story. & I know there will be judgement but I really am looking for real advice.
my husband (25) cheated twice in our relationship & I (25) only found out 3 months before we got married (he also ghosted me when I found out for 3 weeks & i was the one begging for him back the whole time) yet stupidly I still agreed to marry him. now he’s deployed & im just conflicted. how can I believe he won’t do it again when he cheated on me TWICE while I was just a few miles away but somehow while he’s halfway across the world on a floating rock with a ton of other horny people, he’s not sleeping with anyone? I understand that I have to let go & move on at some point if we’re going to make things work but I feel like I got no time to heal at all, I found out, we got married, then boom he’s gone?? Not only that but anytime I try to bring up how badly it affects me he just says how upset it makes him or asks me why it always has to be brought back to that, when I found out not even a year ago. he’ll apologize in the end but it typically takes me describing in detail how badly it affects my mental. Idk call me crazy but my gut says he’s probably still cheating. he swears up & down left & right that he isn’t. My only saving Grace is he’s friends with some of his superiors so I would hope they wouldn’t allow for that kind of behavior but at the same time they are all out there together I doubt they really care & are only looking out for each others asses.
Now onto my dilemma; I met someone. I didn’t mean to meet someone it just ended up happening. I’ve been living on my own the last 6 months & I was just looking for some friends to hang out with, I met this girl who introduced me to her friend group & theres someone in it who is virtually an amazing person I love spending time around. They never make me feel self conscious or insecure about anything & match my personality in a way I didn’t think anyone would. & the way they make me nervous is insane. I get I’ll be judged for this post & sorry but this isn’t exactly an easy position to be in myself.
My current partner won’t even let me have opposite sex friends if they aren’t gay so to just keep them in my life as a friend isn’t an option & I never wanted to be a 25 yr old divorcee. A few months ago was our 6 month wedding anniversary & i asked the universe, god, whoever for any or some type of sign if he wasn’t right for me. Get this. The one customizable gift he got me, he put our wedding anniversary date a month earlier than it is. But swore up & down again that he double triple checked the dates before he ordered it. Should I just assume that’s a big fat fucking slap in the face from the universe or just bad luck. Idk what to do. We’ve had so many conversations & most just end with me apologizing & saying I’ll do better at something for him.
Last thing I’ll mention in regard to this as well. Is anytime we get into an argument over text (our only way of communicating rn) his immediate response almost all of the time is asking me if this is really what I want to do & that he understands if I don’t want this anymore. He also says he would still support me for the time being until I was more stable if we did end up deciding that’s not what I wanted… why does it feel like he’s really the one that wants to end it but keeps putting it on me so he’s not the one who says it? I’ve brought up to him numerous times how him saying things like that makes me feel but it still doesn’t seem to click for him.
Is breaking things off & asking for an annulment/divorce ultimately what he wants? (Theories based on behavior I know y’all can’t read his mind)
Do I wait until after he returns & see if things get better?
Is the universe sending me signs or am I fucking delusional?
Any advice you can give would be appreciated.

Hello,
I'm a huge fan and am happy that you finally have a reddit to post my crazy story to. I (31F) was dating now (38M)- when we first started dating, I was 17 and he was 23, let's call him Chad (not his real name). I was young and in love and didn't know any better. Man had I wished I know what I do now. We were together for 9 years before he finally proposed to me. It was the happiest moment of my life- or so I thought. We had plans to get married 2 years later but my father had unexpectedly passed away during covid (not because of covid)- but because of covid I was not able to visit when he got sick due to him being in a different country at the time.
Given the situation I thought why not get married sooner since I had come to the realization that life can be cut short sometimes. It was June of 2020 and I had never wanted a big wedding anyway, so I called the judge and my hairdresser and set the date for August 8th. It felt like everything was perfect, my hairdresser, who is normally booked out far in advance had a cancellation that day and I had picked out a beautiful wedding dress that fit me almost perfect for only $600 since it was the floor model. Everything in the universe seemed like it was coming together for us. We got married outside the local courthouse with spring flowers in bloom and they had an outdoor water fountain that was just beautiful. We just had a few close friends and family there and an after party in our backyard- we had just bought a house together the year before.
The neighbors had decorated the yard while we were gone, and a friend had made a beautiful wedding cake and my other friend (that worked at a liquor store) had brought the alcohol. Everything seemed perfect and we were both smiling the whole day. I admittedly had too much to drink and was in bed by 9:30 but it was a wonderful time and I never suspected that anything was wrong.
Cut to 4 months later with him saying that he didn't like the way I treated him and that he needed something to change. I would joke with him about things, but he didn't see them as jokes, and I admit that sometimes I could get a little carried away. I apologized to him and told him I would work on it since our relationship meant a lot to me. I started asking him more how he was feeling and being more considerate to him. He had been upset with me because I didn't notice that he was depressed, he hadn't told me he was depressed, and the signs were easily missed given that he liked to sleep a lot and he worked long hours at his job. It wasn't unusual to find him asleep on the couch. I again apologized but indicated that I couldn't have known that he was depressed given that he worked long hours and was often tired in general. I said I was trying but he never said he was depressed.
I had told him for years that he needed to talk to a therapist for a number of other reasons in his life and he admitted that he was seeing a therapist now- which he never told me about- and that he was trying to work through some things. I asked him what else he was working through and at this time mentioned that he had feelings for a co-worker (let's call her Lisa). Given that he is a nurse, and most nurses are typically female I knew he was friends with Lisa, and he would tell me he was going out to lunch and liked working with her. I wasn't upset about him going to lunch or being friends with her because obviously most of the people he worked with were women. There were a lot of rumors at work about them being in a relationship, but I never paid any attention to it because nobody could provide any evidence and by this time, we had been together for 12 years and I trusted him.
Until he admitted he had feelings for her. Lisa was engaged to a guy that she had been with for about 12 years- they had just got engaged- but Chad said she felt pressured to say yes because he proposed at a family vacation that both his and her family were on. IMO she still should've said no to her fiancé because she had told Chad that she only said yes because she felt pressured to, but that's not my monkey or circus. No, I don't know what happened to that relationship because I have my own problems to deal with and don't care what her problems are. I told Chad that he had a week to talk to Lisa and figure out what he wanted in life.
Fast forward to a week later- we had been sleeping separately and things were strained at home. I text Chad while I'm at work to ask if we were still going to the company picnic together that day. He said yes. In my head I'm thinking "oh he must have talked to her since we're going to the picnic together". I get home and I ask if Chad has talked to Lisa yet. Chad says "no, but we can talk about this later, let's go to the picnic." I said "No, absolutely not. I gave you a week to talk to Lisa and you still haven't talked to her? You work with her, and I know you've had shifts together in this last week." Chad said, "I haven't found the right time to talk to her about my feelings".
At this point I am livid, and I say "It doesn't even matter if you talked to her or not. It comes down to 2 choices; 1. You stop talking to her and we work on our marriage or 2. You continue to talk to her, and we get a divorce" Chad says "well I'm not going to stop talking to her" I said "I'm glad you made this easy then, we're getting a divorce". I storm out of the house and go to a friend's house- a co-worker that also wasn't going to the picnic. I call her and ask her if I can come over. She said to come right over because I told her the situation. While I'm trying to back out of my drive-way Chad is calling Lisa. How do I know this? His phone automatically connects to my car and the conversation was coming out of my speakers. I hang up. Chad tries to call her again. I hang up again. He's leaving the house too but going for a walk. I yell at him out the window "you might want to wait to call her until I'm out of range of your phone" and drive off.
I go to my friend's house and cry and drink some alcohol. I wait until I'm sober and feeling better and drive back to the house. Chad is there. He wants to talk about what each of us are getting and how to split the animals we have together. He wants shared custody of MY dog- we got together as a puppy- but I had paid for him with my money that I was working a second job to afford said puppy with and my name was the only one on the contract. I told Chad that the dog- now 3 years old- is MY dog and that he could try to get him from me but legally he was mine and Chad had NO right to MY dog.
Chad said, "I knew you were going to be petty about this, that's why I'M glad I initiated this divorce. Also, our relationship has been going downhill for the past 5 years. I never wanted to get married to you in the first place. I gave you so many hints that I never wanted to get married". What were the hints you might ask? I didn't have any idea lol. I asked him what were the hints? He said, "I was taking a purposefully long time to choose a wedding band, I don't think we'll be able to get a judge/married so soon (since I had told him in July that I wanted to get married in August), and I didn't have a tux". We had gone to Jared's together to pick out our wedding bands. He was being picky about it but at the same time it's a wedding band he's supposed to wear for "forever", so I understood him being picky. He had mentioned something about the short time span, but it made sense because it was a short time span, but things just kept working out, so I took that as a good sign. I told him how I was supposed to know he didn't want to get married since he had proposed the year before? I said, "I'm not a mind reader, if you didn't want to get married you should have just said that".
Funny he had said that he had "initiated the divorce" because when we went to the mediator to work everything out, they asked "who is going to be the divorcer and who is going to be the divorcee? Keep in mind the divorcer is the one that typically pays for things." I said "oh, well he told me he initiated this divorce so I guess that means he can pay for it". We do all the paperwork, sell the house, split the money, split the furniture, split the animals- he got the bunnies, I got the dog and ball python. The only thing that made me upset was he had NEVER filed the paperwork. I would ask him every few months "hey what's going on with the paperwork and he would either not answer or give an excuse. This went on for almost 3 YEARS! Finally, I called the courthouse and asked them, and they said, "there's no index number which means they never filed the paperwork". I called a lawyer and they had everything done in 3 MONTHS. I am now officially divorced.
I think I made out pretty well all things considered. He is still alone that I know of, and I was on tinder seeing a lot of hotteyounger dudes. Apparently, I'm pretty attractive, which I wouldn't have guessed the way he treated me over the years, and I had gained some weight which he would mention every now and then. During the divorce I lost a lot of the weight I had gained. My self-esteem had taken a big hit during the relationship but now I'm feeling a lot better about myself. I start thinking back and he had also been very rude and inconsiderate to me on several occasions. Now I'm dating a 26M that loves me and have been having a great relationship for the past 2 years.
Oh, the icing on the cake, after we separated, I was still talking to Chad's mom and dad- since we had known each other for so long and they were nice enough to me during the relationship. Turns out Chad's dad offered to sleep with me. I turned him down, since I don't hate myself nearly that much. His mom and dad are still married and together, but the marriage is over emotionally and physically for years. I never did tell Chad that his dad tried to sleep with me. I just feel I'm not that petty of a person, but I am petty enough to tell Charlotte Dobre :)
P.S. I love the channel and have wanted to share this story with you for a very long time. Thanks for reading :)

I am an East Asian in the mid 30s, with a petite and slender physique with nice racks and tight ass (5'4", 105lb, 32E) , which I take great pride and joy in maintaining. I recently got out of a physically, mentally, and financially abusive relationship.
I am a single mother of a small child with a reputable, stable job. A month ago, at a work-related function, I was approached by an older gentleman. He turned out to be 17 years senior, a divorcee with two college-aged kids. He has a pretty successful business and made seven-figure conrtibutions to my org.
We had a great conversation, talked about life, art, charity, world events, politics, and so on. Although our views were different, our conversation was very engaging and pleasing. He said it was so refreshing for him to be intellectually challenged. At the end of the day, he offered that he would be willing to pay me $1,000 per meet, and would up the game significantly if sex was involved.
I was flabbergasted by his proposition and immediately walked away. The next day he apologized profusely via email that he was drunk, out of line, and thought "SR" was the only way for him to meet someone young and attractive like me. I respectfully explained my position that it would be unethical for me to have that kind of relationship, since he was our donor.
Anyways, a month later, I have researched what SR is, and start thinking that it is what I need. I am in therapy, recovering from a traumatic relationship, not ready for dating. But I know I am still young and attractive, can monetize it somehow, and substitute my modest income and enjoy things like spa and shopping, which I have denied myself in order to better care for and save for my child's future.
My priority is my child so can't do multiple SD and rather want to establish an exclusive with a whale. In return, I respect his life and work, and give him a great time, comforting companionship, and mind-blowing sex when we are together. I'd like to see myself as a modern-day geisha, train myself in his hobbies and interests, and stay up-to-date with news, technonology, and whatever he is interested to talk about. In real life, I am not really high maintenance, so can be happy with netflix and chill with take-out food.
I'd rather want us to remain in private, but I am also highly presentable to his circle of friends. I have a Ph.D. from one of the country's top schools, and have a nicle title at work, although my pay isn't as flattering. I don't usually wear make-up or heels, but I can, if he wants me to, and look fantastic at a gala. My male superiors always want me at the front door, whenever fundraising is involved.
I am not really into "gold digging." I don't want to remarry. I don't want any emotional baggage that comes with a relationship. I'd rather want it to be transactional--you have me while you pay me. I enjoy my freedom and autonomy, as I barely escaped from a very controlling relationship after strangulation. My end game is save up enough money for me and my child while I have it, and live an ordinary, peaceful life with meaningful work.
So... how realistic is my view of the sugar world? Will there be a demand for someone like me? If so, where do I start? Freestyling at a high-end bar? I don't feel comfortable using an online app. I guess I can start with the "donor" but I don't want to as it puts my career at risk. Honestly, I might have gone on a date, had he simply asked me out. I find an older, established man attractive (my ex was an ambitious man who wanted to be a self-made billionaire and started beating me after his venture didn't take off so there's that weird feeling).
Edit: thanks everyone for their advice and comments. For those of you who messaged me, you will be the first to know if I decide to try SR. I need time to process and make an important life (lifestyle) decision.

Popatlal: They can get Popat married to a middle-aged divorcee and then show the realistic and absurd problems in a new marriage, showing how happily ever after is untrue. (breaking the infamous rom-com cliche)
For Mehta couple: They can go for adoption. This way, they can show how raising a kid is expensive now, and maybe work toward a good work-life balance of Taarak - man pulls all-nighters too much...
Babita calls out Jethiya for his borderline harassing behavior toward her (as per comic) and starts helping women from their oppressing husbands (as per comic).
Madhavi's business gets more recognition by social media, encouraging other ladies to do something of their own. Like, Anjali may start a diet-food youtube channel or something and can learn something from the criticism she will receive. This kind of major arc can also go into sub-arcs among Tapu Sena, like cyberbullying, dating violence n all.

On Tuesday my wife told me that she's been seeing a therapist to try to find out if she can still be with me. What I got from the conversation was that when I was drinking she fell out of love with me, and the change since I've gotten sober made her realize that she might not be able to forgive me. I know I wasn't a saint when I was drinking. I'd have stretches of depression and anxiety and had moments of anger. But I also don't remember being a bad person, nor a generally angry person. I was never dishonest, I didn't hide my drinking or cover it up. Though I do leave room for the possibility that the alcohol affected my mind too much for me to be able to accurately reflect on who I was then.
I'm planning on talking to her more about it to better understand where and how things fell apart. If this has to be one more hard lesson from drinking than I'd like to learn it well. I also don't know how much to dwell on it. The reality is that I'm not proud of who I was when I drank, and I cannot change anything about my past. I have done everything in my power to become a person that I can be proud of. But it seems that something in my marriage broke, and it might be too late to fix it.
I don't really know how to think or act or feel. I told her to take the time she needs to decide what she wants to do, and I think she might have an answer tonight. Part of me would be OK with us parting. I've felt indifference from her for a long time, which tallies with how she said she has felt since I quit drinking.
I also still love her. I'd prefer to live in a world where we are together and have a strong emotional connection. But I can't take the indifference for much longer. In a way I'm glad that it's coming to a head.
But I'm also terrified, and confused, and overwhelmed. I haven't been alone as an adult. I'm closer with her family than mine, do I lose the brothers and sister that are closer to me than my own siblings, the closest thing I have left to a dad, the woman I call mama? What happens to my two dogs, is it unfair to them if we split them up? Do I need a lawyer? Do we sell the house now? What if she wants to stay in our house? What do I do if tonight she tells me that it's time for us to move on, do I go stay somewhere else? Ask her to stay somewhere else? Sleep in a different room and try to be courteous when I see her? And what about after? Do I move to a different state and never see my dogs, do I stay in a state that I don't have strong ties to so that my wife and I can still both have relationships with our pups? What if she wants to move closer to her family? How the hell am I going to meet people, even friends, if I do move somewhere else? If I stay here? I work from home, is my existence going to be wake up, walk, work, walk, exercise, cook, bed? Am I going to be thrust into the world of online dating and the fantasia of miserable divorcees in their mid-30s? Will I just be lonely, another statistic in the male loneliness epidemic?
I just don't know. Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad dying, and I tried to focus on what he would think, what his advice would be. The best that I came up with is that however this plays out, I don't want to look back on this time with shame. I don't want to be bitter and lash out, I don't want to crawl into the self-destructive habits that have tempted me before. I want to face it with my back straight, even if it's fucking terrible.
503 days without a drink. It'll be 504 tomorrow. IWNDWYT.
Edit: It looks like the post is locked, but I really appreciate all of the kind words and support. Thank you.

I saw an advertisement for a "conservative dating" website. And the men were angry because "no women" were on it.
Conservative women don't have sex before marriage usually have a landry list of standards and dress modestly.
These conservative men flock to social media and demonize done up women and whine and cry how they can't find love and yet when what they ask for appears they refuse to be conservative men. They refuse to work they refuse to own a home and the ones that do pick the LEAST conservative women to pursue.
Sorry. I know that's all over the place but it's early I'm tired and my social media just showed me an image of a red pillar I work with arm in arm with a heavily tatted divorcee with her boobs out (get it girl). Nothing against her but I side eye the guy reversing himself.

So with the lack of women plus or minus 5 years to me 39m. There is a woman that I am Interested in contacting however she put divorced in her CM profile. In reading many different posts I see one common element in don't date divorcees. I will be soon starting training for Instituted Acolyte and wish not to pursue the priesthood but eventually the Deaconate. In desires to maintain this plan obviously I need to marry appropriately in the church. So should I cut my losses and don't start a conversation with her and try to find someone who I actually know and start there or extend the olive branch.

There are several dating apps for divorcees, single parents and widowers. But, I haven't found any CF dating app that's active and decent. So, I was wondering why nobody has bothered to make an app for CF people yet! Is it because it wouldn't be profitable enough since we're the minorities or people think CF folks don't really exist and we would eventually change our mind! I'd like to know others' insights and perspectives regarding this.

I’m(M23) an exceptionally young divorcee, who was ready for being married, and my partner was not. Married at 20 after a two year relationship, loved my life up until the very moment she dropped it on my head when I was 21, almost 22. A phone call during my lunch break, during a day that was going like any other. It hurt, really fucking bad obviously. I moved through the stages of grief and ended with a numb heart.
Thankfully, I’m young and kept moving. After a year and some change, almost two, I was ready to date again. I’ve met a lovely girl that I care a lot for, and it’s been a month and two weeks. She’s an absolute sweetheart, and while I’m not foolish enough to dive back into something damning again so swiftly, I’ve only ever dated for the long term, and intend to keep it that way. I want to be honest with her. But carrying that kind of title, divorcee, makes me feel like a fucking idiot.
I’ve grown a lot since then, and because of it. How do I tell her? When do I tell her? DO I tell her? I want so desperately to not fuck this up, I don’t want to be hurt again and more than anything I don’t want her to be hurt. She’s so sweet to me, I understand the honeymoon phase thing happening, but I want to at least see if our relationship is sustainable beyond that based on our compatibility, I don’t want my stain to ruin it. I don’t want someone’s inability to commit to ruin anything else in my life for me. This yoke hasn’t burdened me for so long but now it’s driving a stake through my chest and I can’t let it fuck me over any more.
Men and women wiser than I, how do I proceed?

I posted this under another sub but I would also like more people/men’s input on my problem so I’m kind of copy pasting here. Please understand and thank you in advance. I would like to help go through the process but not if he’s not on board. If he’s not on board I would like to end the relationship before I’m in too deep. I’d appreciate your input. Thanks.
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I’m (36F) dating someone (49M) who is separated and going through divorce to end a 20 year marriage. I did not partake in their separation, though I have been friends with him for some time before their separation such I am familiar with their marriage failures and his ex’s psychotic tendencies. The main reason for divorce is that his soon to be ex cheated on him some time ago, his adult kids all left home recently, and she threw a fit over (unfounded) suspicions of his cheating, literally kicked him out, and even got rid of the family cats over his and his adult children’s disgust. I am a divorcee myself and was previously in an abusive marriage. I supported him as a friend and helped him stand up against this, help find a convenient place so he can focus on work, etc. The stbxw, out of her own rage due to the fact that he wasn’t coming crawling back, thereafter filed for divorce, which was welcomed and met with a countersuit.
In this messy process, we bonded. I told him up front that I am hesitant to enter into a committed relationship with someone who’s not legally divorced and has a lot to process, in terms of healing and disentanglement. But based on our discussion thereafter, my understanding that he has already processed emotional detachment (their marriage was dead 5 years ago when his stbxw moved out to live with her AP 4 years ago; he even filed for divorce at that time; only to withdraw because she begged for his forgiveness and came back) has become clearer. I even offered him a chance to take things slow and go out there to explore other options other than me, which he declined. Slowly, we agreed to exclusively date.
My problem is that he has not started the detachment/disentanglement process. I realize that both sides have lawyers, court proceeding has began and court proceeding can take some time. I also realize it was a 20 year marriage with a lot of stuff to disentangle. But it’s been over two months. As far as his own responsibilities go, he hasn’t attempted to get any of his belongings, including his car or laptop, and continue to pay for her stuff (he doesn’t live with her, but he pays mortgage, utilities, subscription, her car, joint credit cards, etc).
To me, this disentangling process—retrieving his stuff and cutting her off financially— is something that he can do himself, without needing a lawyer. For context, we three are all in high paying professions making over well over 100k each, with him making somewhat more (we are both lawyers). She doesn’t need his support to sustain a living, he doesn’t technically need any of the stuff (he can buy new ones), and I also don’t need him financially.
But all I care about is that he make some kind of effort to expedite the divorce process, or at least do his part in making this happen if he were, as he said, committed to getting divorced. And it seems that he is. They do not communicate, and whenever she does, she guilt trips him over kids (who were also pushing for divorce). But he is simply not making the effort I want to see him make. I thought about this and told him whether it would make sense for us to take some time for him to get his things in order, since he does have a busy schedule.
He said no, so I finally had a talk with him: I realize this may be a dragged out process, and I know divorce in this case can take time, but what I see here is not due to court procedure or settlement delays. You simply haven’t been doing your part and that concerns me. For instance, I trusted you when you said you will take care of it and I didn’t want to get involved in your business but clearly nothing is happening so I’m voicing my concerns because it will be hard for me to trust you when I don’t see it happening before my eyes. For instance you still haven’t gotten your car and let her use joint credit cards, which is concrete stuff that showed to me your lack of progress. Please start doing these things, one by one, because I am not okay with being in a relationship with someone who has no clear boundaries with an ex/soon to be ex. Also you catering to her will incentivize her to stall the divorce because there is no downside for her. But make no mistake, me having to tell you these specific things itself is very unpleasant because I trusted you would be handling your business on your own.
He reassured me that he’s not stalling or trying to stay in her good graces because he still has feelings for her. He agreed that I would be turned off by this delay, but then added that he’s been busy and part of why he hasn’t been pushing it is because he was afraid of her, because she has at times threatened to burn down the house or prohibit him from seeing the kids, and that he thought she would eventually calm down. I told him basically, well those fears are not valid. You are not in a committed relationship with her so who cares if she is mad. Also his kids are grownups, and from what I see, like him more than the stbxw (she traumatized them when she cheated on him, went batshit on the kids, etc). He agreed and tells me he will cut off her off, which will incentivize her to push the case forward as well. I told him please start doing this as soon as today (Sunday, when he has time) and this week. He agreed and thanked me for this.
This interaction was very civil and reasonable. But I can’t shake the feeling that this interaction left a very bad taste in my mouth as I am generally not a controlling person, do not want to involved, and definitely do not want to micromanage his finances. I fear that he feels that I’m too imposing on him, though I may just be paranoid in this regard. Did I overreact? Am I being too impatient?

I’m (36F) dating someone (49M) who is separated and going through divorce to end a 20 year marriage. I did not partake in their separation, though I have been friends with him for some time before their separation such I am familiar with their marriage failures and his ex’s psychotic tendencies. The main reason for divorce is that his soon to be ex cheated on him some time ago, his adult kids all left home recently, and she threw a fit over (unfounded) suspicions of his cheating, literally kicked him out, and even got rid of the family cats over his and his adult children’s disgust. I am a divorcee myself and was previously in an abusive marriage. I supported him as a friend and helped him stand up against this, help find a convenient place so he can focus on work, etc. The stbxw, out of her own rage due to the fact that he wasn’t coming crawling back, thereafter filed for divorce, which was welcomed and met with a countersuit.
In this messy process, we bonded. I told him up front that I am hesitant to enter into a committed relationship with someone who’s not legally divorced and has a lot to process, in terms of healing and disentanglement. But based on our discussion thereafter, my understanding that he has already processed emotional detachment (their marriage was dead 5 years ago when his stbxw moved out to live with her AP 4 years ago; he even filed for divorce at that time; only to withdraw because she begged for his forgiveness and came back) has become clearer. I even offered him a chance to take things slow and go out there to explore other options other than me, which he declined. Slowly, we agreed to exclusively date.
My problem is that he has not started the detachment/disentanglement process. I realize that both sides have lawyers, court proceeding has began and court proceeding can take some time. I also realize it was a 20 year marriage with a lot of stuff to disentangle. But it’s been over two months. As far as his own responsibilities go, he hasn’t attempted to get any of his belongings, including his car or laptop, and continue to pay for her stuff (he doesn’t live with her, but he pays mortgage, utilities, subscription, her car, joint credit cards, etc).
To me, this disentangling process—retrieving his stuff and cutting her off financially— is something that he can do himself, without needing a lawyer. For context, we three are all in high paying professions making over well over 100k each, with him making somewhat more (we are both lawyers). She doesn’t need his support to sustain a living, he doesn’t technically need any of the stuff (he can buy new ones), and I also don’t need him financially.
But all I care about is that he make some kind of effort to expedite the divorce process, or at least do his part in making this happen if he were, as he said, committed to getting divorced. And it seems that he is. They do not communicate, and whenever she does, she guilt trips him over kids (who were also pushing for divorce). But he is simply not making the effort I want to see him make. I thought about this and told him whether it would make sense for us to take some time for him to get his things in order, since he does have a busy schedule.
He said no, so I finally had a talk with him: I realize this may be a dragged out process, and I know divorce in this case can take time, but what I see here is not due to court procedure or settlement delays. You simply haven’t been doing your part and that concerns me. For instance, I trusted you when you said you will take care of it and I didn’t want to get involved in your business but clearly nothing is happening so I’m voicing my concerns because it will be hard for me to trust you when I don’t see it happening before my eyes. For instance you still haven’t gotten your car and let her use joint credit cards, which is concrete stuff that showed to me your lack of progress. Please start doing these things, one by one, because I am not okay with being in a relationship with someone who has no clear boundaries with an ex/soon to be ex. Also you catering to her will incentivize her to stall the divorce because there is no downside for her. But make no mistake, me having to tell you these specific things itself is very unpleasant because I trusted you would be handling your business on your own.
He reassured me that he’s not stalling or trying to stay in her good graces because he still has feelings for her. He agreed that I would be turned off by this delay, but then added that he’s been busy and part of why he hasn’t been pushing it is because he was afraid of her, because she has at times threatened to burn down the house or prohibit him from seeing the kids, and that he thought she would eventually calm down. I told him basically, well those fears are not valid. You are not in a committed relationship with her so who cares if she is mad. Also his kids are grownups, and from what I see, like him more than the stbxw (she traumatized them when she cheated on him, went batshit on the kids, etc). He agreed and tells me he will cut off her off, which will incentivize her to push the case forward as well. I told him please start doing this as soon as today (Sunday, when he has time) and this week. He agreed and thanked me for this.
This interaction was very civil and reasonable. But I can’t shake the feeling that this interaction left a very bad taste in my mouth as I am generally not a controlling person, do not want to involved, and definitely do not want to micromanage his finances. I fear that he feels that I’m too imposing on him, though I may just be paranoid in this regard. Did I overreact? Am I being too impatient?

I'm really curious if anyone else feels the same way I do. I think a lot of women will agree, especially women in this sub, based off a lot of submissions I've read.
I want to apologize in advance as this may be a LONG post. I'll be asking a few questions, but some of it may go into ranting. So once again, I apologize in advance, but this is something that's been on my mind for quite some time, and I’d like some feedback.
So, as the title asks "Does any else think the hetero Male/Female dynamic is unnatural" at least in the society we've created?
I've been seeing a lot of rhetoric online discussing the "fall of the family structure". Most "red piller's" will attribute this to the "modern woman" or that its because women are working in general, etc. Some attribute this to social media, inflation, etc. However, has anyone actually considered that men and women are NOT supposed to be around each other this much? They are NOT supposed to live with each other? And, they are actually NOT supposed to be having sex as much as we've all been taught either?
What do I base this off of? Nothing really, other than I have always felt like an "observer" of the earth and never really "in the earth" if that makes sense?
I can remember being around 5 years old and looking around the apartment and thinking " What the hell is my mom doing here? Why is she with my Dad ( loved my Dad, but she was light years ahead of him). Why did she decide to have kids and be in constant worry?". You may think " oh really? you thought this at age 5?". Yes, I really did. I couldn't understand why my mom, and other grown women around me "CHOSE" this?
Once I figured out what sex and pregnancy was, I was literally horrified. My inner voice once again asked " Why are women doing this". It truly made no sense. I honestly thought there was something wrong with ME for many years before I started reading online here and there about women who felt VERY similarly to me. I understand I may be in a small subgroup of people who agree with this particular stance, maybe because I lean more asexual in general. But, I’ve met very hetero normative women who also feel this way.
I feel my story isn't nearly has tragic to most women I know, or women Ive read about online (another tragedy). Its honestly pretty "run of the mill". Including, but not limited to, getting sexually harassed starting at age 9, got really bad around age 12, and tapered off around age 17. My first relationship turned abusive quickly and the manipulation started thereafter. Left him 3 years later and my dealings with other men have been disappointing, sometimes disturbing, to say the least. I started hearing from both men, and women early on in my life how awful, vile, monstrous and unsafe "most" men WOULD be, but in the same breath to never be a "man hater" or sound like a "femi-nazi".
To be honest, its amazing that most of us women don't have more mental disorders based on how we were socialized to approach dating, specifically dating what is clearly our natural born predator...the hetero male.
From a purely observational stance, I feel most men are truly not good people. Sorry, I just do. I have dealt with men of all calibers. Men who are wealthy, men who are poor, men who have sisters, men who are only children, men who come from "broken" homes, men who's parents are still married, religious men, non religious men, men with kids, men without... you get the point. 99.99% of them having next to no empathy. Even the "good ones" are still highly manipulative and will sleep with their wives or girlfriends knowing that they don't want to have sex, etc just to fulfill a “need”. There are entire forums dedicated to this topic alone, how embarrassing.
Have you ever lived with a man? I feel most women don’t do well with it, and that goes for non romantic dynamics as well, including family members. Every man I’ve ever lived with, including family members is inconsiderate and loud. From leaving massive messes, keeping their phone at FULL volume, taking 45 minute shits 5 times a day, and being relatively heavy headed. ( I know this sounds like bashing, but again, this story seems to be consistent with other women I know and women on the internet). I’m not saying men shouldn’t be able to live freely ( obviously) but I think it’s obvious at this point most women and men shouldn’t live together? I’ve read countless stories of divorcee’s or just single women who declare they will NEVER live with again for the exact reasons I listed above, which is a shortened list.
In my honest opinion, this whole thing isn't set up correctly. I think we are actually way over populated, despite the current rhetoric of the "birth rate drop". This actually all seems like a very normal reaction from women worldwide who instinctually know this is f***ed. Don't believe me? Check out the 4b movement and the "regretful parents" subreddit.
I think this mass "disruption" to our human race started when men broke up the matriarchy and started using women as sex slaves and promised every man a woman AKA marriage. This disrupted the eco system, because like most animal species the female chooses when and IF she procreates and with who. Women for hundreds to thousands of years have been FORCED to breed with males who should have never been bred with, and in conclusion we now have a large population of degenerates, rapists and all around people of low intelligence. Sorry, just an observation.
I know this sounds awful, but I don't think most of us are meant to be here. I think MOST humans are NOT actually meant to breed as much as we do. Which is where homosexuality may come into play? All religions (and morons) say homosexuality is "unnatural" because no offspring can come of the relationship. But what if homosexuality is imbedded in our genetic make up because our DNA knows most of us WILL NOT procreate and will need companionship and to emotionally/ sexually connect with someone who we relate to? I know I may get push back on this ( Im ace and bi) but doesn’t it kind of make sense?
It would make sense for us to actually be in packs of the same sex. Most female animals travels in packs of ONLY female's because they're smart enough to know that integrating males into their sphere is inherently a BAD/ dire situation. Even if certain animals have males in their packs ( I.e Lions) they usually only have 1 male to every 5 or 6 females. This structure is probably formed so that the females can beat him off/ kill him if he becomes violent at any time. Just saying.
The more I think about this and truly observe relationships, reoccurring stories of abuse towards women and children, hetero conflicts, etc, I'm convinced that men shouldn't even be in the "family home". I understand this may be a shocking point of view, but think about, seriously.
I have never felt truly relaxed or safe with a man in the home, have you? This goes for my own father as well. I was never abused by him, but he would "blow up" for any reason and was terrible emotionally unregulated, and made my brother and I feel on edge most of our childhood. I know a lot of people (men and women) who have had the same experience. As a little girl, I never felt safe around men. Yes, women can and are abusers as well, but not nearly to extent as most men.
I keep seeing and hearing about "fatherless homes" or "this is why people needs fathers in the home". But, I really don't think that's true. Of course there are good fathers, and fathers who really helped shape a lot of healthy human beings. But how often does that situation really happen? How many friends, family members, etc have you seen with AMAZING fathers IN the home? I would LOVE to get to a society where everyone had this experience, and that an amazing father was the norm. But, Im sorry, its just not. And, as a child, teen, young adult, I hated going over to friends houses when their dads were home. And, I think many women (maybe some men) would agree with me on this.
I have always felt the natural order of things is for women to be living in large groups of other women. Men should live in their own groups and we should only come together during a “mating season” just like most other species on the planet.
Maybe in the future we can “reintegrate” with each other, but from I’ve seen this isn’t working right now and maybe never has?
Going forward, if women CHOOSE to be mothers, we should only breed with genetically viable, emotionally regulated, good spirited men. I understand this will only leave us with 3 men worldwide, but I think we can work around it ;) just kidding… sort of.
Again, I don't mean to be harsh, its truly what I've observed over the last 25 years.
Anyways, If you've made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Please let me know if anyone feels the same, or if you have a different view point. Happy Saturday!

Like what's the direction here? She's a pretty skinny blonde who married and had her kids young. She stayed skinny (great for engagement) and she has 3 girls (also great for engagement).
But now no husband and no showing the kids. What's left but a husk of a channel? Who wants to watch a mommy blogger with blurred out kids? And dating as a 20something divorcee just doesn't have the cache of being a perfect skinny blonde married mom perfect family with multiple children, so . .. what's the moneymaker now?

Hello everyone,
I would like advice on something. So I was in a very brief LDR with someone recently. I met him less than a month and a half ago. We spoke for a couple of weeks and decided to "date" 3 or 4 weeks ago. We did decide we'd do movies together, pray, bible studies or call and talk, but one week in and we did nothing. I was wondering why because I liked him, we matched in a lot of things like our values and principles, except for the intimacy part which he had more forward beliefs because he'd never had a Christian relationship where you wait for marriage before, and the fact he wasn't going to a physical church, but he said it was because he was searching actively and hadn't found one yet. He did get back to me like a week and a half after we started dating and said it's best if we break up as it won't work out. He told me it's because he thought about relocation and he is not willing to relocate, so although he likes me too it won't work with either of us wanting relocation.
Although at first he said he would consider relocation, and we even talked about it, (I asked him what his concerns were and answered them for him, why his concern was not gonna be a problem).
I have very less dating experience, I'm a divorcee, and other than my husband, I've only dated one guy before marriage and 2 (including this guy) after. I have no idea what to do. I want a relationship that lasts long and leads to marriage, but I don't feel like dating and don't feel ready. My friend says I shouldn't let this stop me and I need to start dating again after praying and letting go of my connections with this guy. I have no idea how to deal with anything related to love/relationship right now and feel so overwhelmed and also lost.
I would like advice on how to move on from this and what to do next. I would also like to know how you all prepared for dating, all your tips and advice on how to find a Godly man, whose main focus is God, but isn't mysiginistic. I don't want worldly advice, or mysoginistic advice, but actual Christian and kind advice (Please be kind and honest)
About me: I previously had an account on here and posted my intro, I'm a 32f Indian divocee. My account was deleted (not accidentally, it was in the hands of my baby cousins when I went back home for a friend's wedding. They were watching a video my friend sent me on reddit and somehow messed with the settings, I thought it was a sign to delete reddit because the guy I was talking to felt like he could be the man I'm praying for)

Okay, so I, a 23yo F, met this man at a local Meijer store this past Sunday and I thought nothing of it and now I’m upset because I found out his age, obviously my dad wasn’t having it, all my girlfriends said not to go through with it, my therapist said not to either and now I’m upset because I…respected myself?
I have been single my whole life technically, I had a highschool boyfriend but now that I’m grown, it doesn’t really count and it was only 6 months anyways. I haven’t actually had a real relationship and everything else I have encountered was little, lifeless, and short lived—even though all of it left me in tears and sad and “lonely forever”. So here I am in the middle of a Meijer store, minding my Christian business, and I see this handsome, very tall, very beefy-thick-Buff body type—JUST MY TYPE—and I just say hi as I’m walking by, nothing serious.
I probably passed him again one other time and didn’t notice, but the third time he came up to me with his cart in the waffle asile and introduced himself as “Scott” (spoiler, this isn’t his name). I told him my name, extended my hand for a handshake. Whatever. He said he wanted to get to know me, told me he’s started at the new battery plant in town and he’s a welder. So I tell him my job title, I’m in nursing school, I go to the library for fun (that’s where I am right now typing this horrid post), and that I am a Christian so “getting to know me” requires getting to know the Lord. He wasn’t fazed by any of what I said, in fact he was agreeing and was very pleased to hear how busy I am, so again, this is nothing to me, idc. I give him my number, it’s literally whatever like I am thinking nothing of this situation at all.
Monday morning, he hasn’t text me yet so i reach out first like “good morning, it was nice meeting you yesterday” blah blah blah to make sure i even had the right number, that kicked it off, he replied. I remembered he told me his job and his schedule, so i figured he went to bed when he said he does (8pm) (Why wasn’t this all connecting? Idk, probably because i legit did not care at the moment).
We’re just texting throughout the day a little bit. I had class this day, so the evening he called me, I was in class and we couldn’t talk.
Tuesday, still texting throughout the day, he asked for some selfies so I sent some, he sent some back, nothing weird—I am thinking nothing of this situation and him calling me “beautiful” wasn’t fazing me either, even though when I was a teenager, being called beautiful and being complimented used to GAG me, I used to eat that mess up every time, but now I’m (newly) 23 and being complimented on my looks doesn’t feed me anymore, so I thought that was weird, but i ignored those internal feelings. Tuesday night, my data isn’t working and I don’t have internet at home, so for some reason, I couldn’t use my phone for anything at all and I ended up missing his call.
Wednesday morning (today), he wakes up assumingly, messages me at 5am, while he’s heading out to work and it’s the normal, “Good morning have a blessed day blah blah blah”. This is my off day, so no work and no school. I’m asking him what days are his off days and he tells me he doesn’t have any. By this time, I’m out with my homegirl and we are discussing this. Earlier this day, I broke everything down to my therapist and she advised I ask him all these questions because even she was getting weird vibes and to update her next session. So I’m just talking this out with my friend and I’m like “girl…”
Here’s what we figured out: - He never asked me my age. I’m 23, but i have been mistaken for highschool age, which isn’t too far off from how I did look as a teen, but like…he approached me knowing I was young, even though to me, he did not look his age, I was gonna give him 32.
-He never told me his full name, just “Scott” like…I understand you don’t tell strangers your full name and info like that, but it made us wonder (which is why we searched him up the way we did)
-He didn’t ask me anything about myself except my first name and my work title and that’s literally it, oh, and what i like to do for fun.

• He said he doesn’t have a day off, which means, if he’s working 12, 11 hour shifts…7 days a week, he either has 2 jobs or he’s lying.

Well, there are answers for all of this! We figured that since he’s a welder, let’s call the place up and see what type of job he’s actually getting into. so my homegirl called her other homegirl who’s an Uber driver and she drives those workers from that plant around often for their lunch break, she said that a lot of those guys are independent contrators. OHHH, okay that makes sense, he’s basically working ON the plant, not FOR the plant, which means he’s making his own hours and can have an off day if he chooses (which if you’re trying to date people…you should choose to have an off day). Next, because for whatever reason, he didn’t verify any other important information about me, we thought he’s probably hiding something’s. I couldn’t search him up because all I knew was “Scott”, so I got my cash app out and put his number in the cash app and found “First Name” THEN Scott. SCOTT IS HIS LAST NAME. Wow, blew the fUq out of me. So now we got enough info and take it to Google and my homegirl took it to Facebook We found out this man’s whole life. He was a well-known football player back in the 90’s and 2000’s. He had a 6 year old daughter in 2000…which means she’s 29 this year…which means he can’t be 32 if his daughter is pushing 32 herself. I kept going, I found his birthday y’all…it ends in 77.
Y’all…this man is 47. With a 30 year old daughter. We took it to facebook and his son is 21 this year (but I don’t want him he’s scrawny) and we found out that he’s a divorcee.
So much information, so I told my dad because I was discussing with him about this earlier and what do i do if he is 32 and I’m 23 and blah blah blah, my dad told me to cut it and just tell him that he’s too old for me.
I know I’m technically an adult now and can date whomever i want to, but all of those jokes about having a sugar daddy were literally just jokes. He has a full grown daughter AND A GRANDSON, he’s a divorced man, he’s new to the state, he is just…
It would’ve been nice if things were a little bit younger, but for some reason, i feel bad for telling him that we can’t continue our talking because i’m literally half his age. If I were 33 instead of 23, would this be better? If he were 37 instead of 47 would this still be okay? I don’t think so because his kids are older than me period, but Idk guys. Idk why I feel bad, idk why I’m thinking about what would’ve happened had I just kept this info to myself, idk why I’m wondering how he would’ve treated me idk. And the fact that I’m contemplating lets me know I’m too young for this stuff still.

Okay, so I, a 23yo F, met this man at a local Meijer store this past Sunday and I thought nothing of it and now I’m upset because I found out his age, obviously my dad wasn’t having it, all my girlfriends said not to go through with it, my therapist said not to either and now I’m upset because I…respected myself?
I have been single my whole life technically, I had a highschool boyfriend but now that I’m grown, it doesn’t really count and it was only 6 months anyways. I haven’t actually had a real relationship and everything else I have encountered was little, lifeless, and short lived—even though all of it left me in tears and sad and “lonely forever”. So here I am in the middle of a Meijer store, minding my Christian business, and I see this handsome, very tall, very beefy-thick-Buff body type—JUST MY TYPE—and I just say hi as I’m walking by, nothing serious.
I probably passed him again one other time and didn’t notice, but the third time he came up to me with his cart in the waffle asile and introduced himself as “Scott” (spoiler, this isn’t his name). I told him my name, extended my hand for a handshake. Whatever. He said he wanted to get to know me, told me he’s started at the new battery plant in town and he’s a welder. So I tell him my job title, I’m in nursing school, I go to the library for fun (that’s where I am right now typing this horrid post), and that I am a Christian so “getting to know me” requires getting to know the Lord. He wasn’t fazed by any of what I said, in fact he was agreeing and was very pleased to hear how busy I am, so again, this is nothing to me, idc. I give him my number, it’s literally whatever like I am thinking nothing of this situation at all.
Monday morning, he hasn’t text me yet so i reach out first like “good morning, it was nice meeting you yesterday” blah blah blah to make sure i even had the right number, that kicked it off, he replied. I remembered he told me his job and his schedule, so i figured he went to bed when he said he does (8pm) (Why wasn’t this all connecting? Idk, probably because i legit did not care at the moment).
We’re just texting throughout the day a little bit. I had class this day, so the evening he called me, I was in class and we couldn’t talk.
Tuesday, still texting throughout the day, he asked for some selfies so I sent some, he sent some back, nothing weird—I am thinking nothing of this situation and him calling me “beautiful” wasn’t fazing me either, even though when I was a teenager, being called beautiful and being complimented used to GAG me, I used to eat that mess up every time, but now I’m (newly) 23 and being complimented on my looks doesn’t feed me anymore, so I thought that was weird, but i ignored those internal feelings. Tuesday night, my data isn’t working and I don’t have internet at home, so for some reason, I couldn’t use my phone for anything at all and I ended up missing his call.
Wednesday morning (today), he wakes up assumingly, messages me at 5am, while he’s heading out to work and it’s the normal, “Good morning have a blessed day blah blah blah”. This is my off day, so no work and no school. I’m asking him what days are his off days and he tells me he doesn’t have any. By this time, I’m out with my homegirl and we are discussing this. Earlier this day, I broke everything down to my therapist and she advised I ask him all these questions because even she was getting weird vibes and to update her next session. So I’m just talking this out with my friend and I’m like “girl…”
Here’s what we figured out: - He never asked me my age. I’m 23, but i have been mistaken for highschool age, which isn’t too far off from how I did look as a teen, but like…he approached me knowing I was young, even though to me, he did not look his age, I was gonna give him 32.
-He never told me his full name, just “Scott” like…I understand you don’t tell strangers your full name and info like that, but it made us wonder (which is why we searched him up the way we did)
-He didn’t ask me anything about myself except my first name and my work title and that’s literally it, oh, and what i like to do for fun.

• He said he doesn’t have a day off, which means, if he’s working 12, 11 hour shifts…7 days a week, he either has 2 jobs or he’s lying.

Well, there are answers for all of this! We figured that since he’s a welder, let’s call the place up and see what type of job he’s actually getting into. so my homegirl called her other homegirl who’s an Uber driver and she drives those workers from that plant around often for their lunch break, she said that a lot of those guys are independent contrators. OHHH, okay that makes sense, he’s basically working ON the plant, not FOR the plant, which means he’s making his own hours and can have an off day if he chooses (which if you’re trying to date people…you should choose to have an off day). Next, because for whatever reason, he didn’t verify any other important information about me, we thought he’s probably hiding something’s. I couldn’t search him up because all I knew was “Scott”, so I got my cash app out and put his number in the cash app and found “First Name” THEN Scott. SCOTT IS HIS LAST NAME. Wow, blew the fUq out of me. So now we got enough info and take it to Google and my homegirl took it to Facebook We found out this man’s whole life. He was a well-known football player back in the 90’s and 2000’s. He had a 6 year old daughter in 2000…which means she’s 29 this year…which means he can’t be 32 if his daughter is pushing 32 herself. I kept going, I found his birthday y’all…it ends in 77.
Y’all…this man is 47. With a 30 year old daughter. We took it to facebook and his son is 21 this year (but I don’t want him he’s scrawny) and we found out that he’s a divorcee.
So much information, so I told my dad because I was discussing with him about this earlier and what do i do if he is 32 and I’m 23 and blah blah blah, my dad told me to cut it and just tell him that he’s too old for me.
I know I’m technically an adult now and can date whomever i want to, but all of those jokes about having a sugar daddy were literally just jokes. He has a full grown daughter AND A GRANDSON, he’s a divorced man, he’s new to the state, he is just…
It would’ve been nice if things were a little bit younger, but for some reason, i feel bad for telling him that we can’t continue our talking because i’m literally half his age. If I were 33 instead of 23, would this be better? If he were 37 instead of 47 would this still be okay? I don’t think so because his kids are older than me period, but Idk guys. Idk why I feel bad, idk why I’m thinking about what would’ve happened had I just kept this info to myself, idk why I’m wondering how he would’ve treated me idk. And the fact that I’m contemplating lets me know I’m too young for this stuff still.

I have a discussion going on right now on whether you can get remarried after divorce in Christianity.
I am an atheist (F 30) dating a man (M 29) who is Christian, and his family believes that should he enter a marriage with me (a divorcee) he would be committing adultery.
My ex husband and I are both un believers, he filed for the divorce if that helps.
Is there any scripture that would indicate that remarriage is not sinful?
Any help trying to understand the scriptures would be greatly appreciated. I am trying to make sense of what is happening and to make a good argument on why we should have a chance to be together.

I have a discussion going on right now on whether you can get remarried after divorce in Christianity.
I am an atheist (F 30) dating a man (M 29) who is Christian, and his family believes that should he enter a marriage with me (a divorcee) he would be committing adultery.
My ex husband and I are both un believers, he filed for the divorce if that helps.
Is there any scripture that would indicate that remarriage is not sinful?
Any help trying to understand the scriptures would be greatly appreciated. I am trying to make sense of what is happening and to make a good argument on why we should have a chance to be together.

I don't have any particular question to answer but as I am describing the story you can point out some pointers for me !!!
I Live in eastern side of India, only child of my parents.from the very beginning I went through some I will not say traumatic but rather very upsetting childhood. The upsetting situation caused by my mum like pointing out negativity in almost every aspects of daily life and household though there was no monetary or any other kind of problem and my dad who was small government employee always remain silent and became work alcoholic. So all the unnecessary tantrums created by my mom started bursting upon me and I kind the feel helpless and detached.
I was a good student throughout the school also love extra curricular activities but I started to walk in a very wrong way from the very early high school days as I started watching porn just for curiosity as just the age of 13. My studies showing a slow but gradual decline probably there was no turning back for me and my parents.
In 9 standard in our school at about age of 14 a girl was admitted at our class. She was not local residing around 30 km from our local household. I fall in love at first site with her but could not tell for one year. And after 10th standard I finally proposed her and within 2 days she accepted my proposal and the main ruining of my life just started on that day.
I managed everything from friends to studies but the main priority was her. Now a days when I look back I can now see the red flags Which I ignored back then. After the relationship started the she became the whole world for me. I single handedly manage studies friends but she was the top priority. Now my grades were declining gradually and fast but I didn't notice. Back them our area was very rural and the people were not friendly and love marriage was not just a common thing those days. So i told her to hide our relationship in public but within few weeks all the locality knows about me and her. I also told her not to call at residential phone ( it was 2006 and I just got a Nokia 1100 for me but she always use her residential phone) but despite being told such she called me at my home when it was Sunday and my dad picked up. She talked to my father very smartly for the very first time and asked to come at my home which was absurd. My dad got furious and warned me but I ignored and letter she said it was just for fun. Despite of this we were dating furiously and having physical relationship within 2 years of relationship on a regular basis basically in my home and she even spends some whole nights with me and her parents doesn't even bother.
About her family she has her parents along with elder brother (now a college professor ) and an elder sister (housewife).She always said that she also got some family problems like me and their elder brother were very rude and career oriented so both the sisters avoid him as much as possible as he had some anger management issues ( that what she told me)
My dad got sick on 2007 and died on 2008 because of kidney failure when I was in the second year of the college and again my mom opted for lump sum amount in exchange of dying in harness. She got the lump sum the pension and all other fixed deposits. My result of college don't get so good for these all kind of obstacles but she maintained good result go to the best professor where I managed seat for her and even spends regular nights in my rented mess. I did not got admitted to masters as I had low scores but she managed to a non reputed University and completed his masters while I am doing some petty jobs. She even got a school job by my professors recommendation for one year of contract.
At the last phase of contract she applied for another school job for a different region but in our local area which can be contacted by bus or train but around 50 km from our household. And just after joining the school the summer vacation starts and she started to pressurize me for getting married. I was also sitting for government exams doing some tuitions but just denied forcefully about the timing of the marriage. Then this was the biggest red flag ever which I missed ( fate may be) she not just pressurized but also in a conference call with some closest friends she said i was traitor and leaving her even after 8 years of physical relationship though I did not say or mean that ever as she was the one and only girl in my life and I planned the rest of my life with her and even she known it very well. So when this kind of arguments started I can smell fume and without any jobs or stable future we got married in a local Mandir and after that day the registry was done and we started our married life just as the age of 23.
On the marriage date she got to her home ( as she was staying at her friends home for last 15 days) got a car, packed all her books and clothes and just left while her parents were watching silently.
As I said previously my mom was always dissupported as I say she started acting hostile towards the new bride. She was working then on the school and came home at the weekends. At first she said she had to get married as her parents are pressurrising her and she cannot stay two months long summer vacation in the newly made hostel. But when I got there as the new husband I saw that this was not the boarding rather it was a two stories house just like our own home where some board members family live on upside and my wife as a tenant at their house but I did not make that huge issue in our newly married life.
In my life I am kind a losing something in my mind. Always kind of introvert didn't landed on any good jobs no love from parents but got my High school sweetheart as my first love and wife but I was not happy as there is something fishy happening around. When outside I can feel my friends also started avoiding me a bit and at home there was always some tensions. Also preparing for government jobs and doing tuitions and these tensions were draining me out and for the very first time I started smoking weed which became addiction to a certain extent.
In 2017 she got a government job while I got rejected at the very last step but didn't bother me too. Then I thought that all the problems will be solved as the income got permanent and became 4 times but I was severely wrong.
She got the government job in the local area so started meeting some new people in her workplace also in another branch offices. And their comes to 2/3 people ( two local seniors and an outsider lady colleague, sort of) whom she brought to our home just for introduction. The lady colleague was living then in a rented flat in our area. My friends sometimes saw them both walking around the area and they started questioning to me about the second lady with my wife as they said her body language is not so good ( you know what boys are trying to say )as they are guessing so they suggested to prevent my wife from the attachment with her but this time she refuses.
Also another 10 years senior came to our home for introduction started coming regularly for his only daughters tuition and became elder brother as she said she got no connections with her parents which was a lie and started giving daily household items like foods grocery's as payment of tuition. Then I can smell something very much wrong is going on. While all these things going there were another pressure started upon me. As i was open book to each and everyone, everyone knows about the weed so do she. So she started asking for a child as we were both 30 and for the last time I protested and told her that please give me another 2 years as parenthood is a lifetime job but rather she says you didn't do anything in last 7 years so another 2 years will be futile too but our age was crossing the limits 🥲 so let's just try. She probably thought that the weed made me in capable of having child and now I guess she was also not ready but on July 2020 she gave birth to a beautiful daughter. The lock down started from March 2020 and she was 6 months pregnant and this so called elder brother started helping with all his money and power. She already bought Big fridge AC washing machine geysers and lots of other things despite of my gentle refusal. Now even the pathology guys came to home collect blood and send the reports to us.
Just after 2 months having the baby she started planning to get some good wooden furniture for home basically pure Shagun cots with box which will cost around 1.5 lakh rupees. And said this will serves the purpose of hot daughters marriage too & brought both of those and said my senior paid this and said you can repay me later. I remained silent as I started one year back and just observing everything. Just after some days of rice ceremony that man started awkward messaging to my wife. When she showed to me I called and abused him and in return he started blackmailing and told to repay him asap. We repaid him just the day after the incident happened and then I started questioning her for the first time in my life. Every night was a quarrelly night. She said she did not recognise that that person had kind of bad intentions but I refused to believe that then for the very first time she started to open part by part that why was I called her for physical relationship from the very first time, I also replied that you were not a kid so why would you had came!!! She also told that she only went to the university for making career not for me. The situation getting harder and harder and my maternal house came and escort her to my maternal house and then to her house for the deescalating the situation but the got even worse.
We were separated for 2 months then I got a good job outside my state and she came back with the daughter and said now everything is okay and she will cooperate in all things. But I still was disturbed asking myself some more questions about us so I moved out to my new workplace and within 3/ 4 months I started figuring out everything about our relationship as this was a very first opportunity for me to connect and deal with the real world outside my comfort zone. And I am getting information from my hometown buddies and even from my home that she was going to her father's house on a regular basis almost daily and spending time at outside frequently even once she came to home at around 11:30 at night but my mom remained silent but informed me. Also some other guys told me that she was riding a bike which someone but I did not informed her about these.
When I came home I could see and also feel a definitely changed person in front of me. My computer table was dirty as hell and it was 4 months before when I left the house. At a Relaxation session she started bragging about her parents that they were in so much pain blah blah blah then I asked can I get my wedding rings bracelets watches and she furiously replied I I could not bring that matter now to my parents.
I left for my workplace again and now over the phone she started to pressurize about money as she bought a TV of 20k so I have to pay 10k atleast where as my salary was just 15k at that time so I strongly refuses then she told I can re pay it even after 10 years 🥲.
The whole picture was getting clear to me day by day. After the second term I left the job and came back home to find the new job which would be two months late. Now I can definitely feel some weird feelings when she was got around me. At the very last day of our physical relationship I suddenly questioned her that did anyone see you naked other than me ( actually it was a old story she told me that in the private school when she was in the boarding at night when she was showering some guy tried to stock but with the some sounds she got warned and heard someone escaped ) and I felt like her world stopped as she reacted and then I reminded her about this incident and she showed some relief expressions which answered my all my questions about her.
I left for my new job again and told her to stay with the daughter in our first floor while I I would be at the ground floor with my mother. We stop talking through phone but just after one month she messaged me and asked me to send rs 3000 right now for some home water purifier purpose. I strictly denied that and after 2 or 3 days at a night duty when I was alone and fully drunk and stoned I called her and told that I was not giving a single penny to her. Then for my utter surprise for the first time she replied violently that she will kick me out from my own house and also inform the police that I smoke weed as SHE GOT A VIDEO FROM OUR OWN HOUSE WHERE I SMOKING A JOINT AT THE TERRACE 🤯.
From that moment I knew something really wrong was happening at home and I had to get back there is asap. I returned to my home after 2 months of that incident and found out that last time when she got away for 2 months all the first floor was wide open but this time all the things were locked with separate locks. When she turn from workplace I asked to give my guitar and computer back to me but she refused and told that I have to came to my family to get that. I sent my mom and now she said the same video thing with some new allegations that I tortured her punched her broke her bangles etc which I could not imagine off. Also one of my friend told me that she got another senior who gave her to the idea of that weed video and he was also 40 year old male and she also spend time with the person even bunking Her own work.
As my mind said I am started searching for legal advisors as the situation seemed very drastic to me And also applied a small lock in the first floor when she was in the office as she can go in or out but cannot lock as I set a lock.
On 20 December 2022 the morning before I install the lock she came down and started threatening me and my mom that he will call the police if I did not open the lock. I told her to do so and instead of police she called some local committee members. They came within 10 minutes and to my utter surprise those guys started not just threatening but even tried to assault me, but I did not open the lock so another local community came and then they started behaving more aggressively. My mom informed the police and her parents came along and started residing on our first floor.
Around 15 days after the incident suddenly one police officer came to my house threatened my mum and me without any proper documents and asked to leave the matter and live peacefully with her. I finally got a criminal lawyer and filed a FIR against her and her parents. Within 3 days she again got the committee got a transport got all her fridge AC washing machine TV computer electric boards tube lights fans and moved in a nearby housing complex. And just after that day I got a call from my lawyer that me and my mom where charged against IPC section 498 and 5 other subsections.
We applied for bail but the bail got rejected several times as there are two false proofs one is a medical report from a local government hospital mentioned that the mom and the daughter attacked and bitten buy me and my mum and we both are addicts 🥲. Also another one from the second local committee stating those same false facts. Also she really had that weed video that she showed to all committee that's why they became so much furious even after knowing me better than her.
However our lawyer did their best and granted bail for both of us but told that for the drug charge I maybe barred from meeting my daughter. In that time she again charged with false attempt to rape case but this time with no proof. Now some of my friends started searching and they got some fishy information from the past that she was a very tricky girl,already broke a relationship before me, had a very quirky past, very over smart also provocating also one of the false proof brought by a very close and common friend of US actually a friend of her.
When I don't know that what to do suddenly one of my friend caught her with another common friend of US wondering around a guest house few kilometers away from here with hand in hand. For the very first time I got my hands on some pics and videos about her characteristics and I immediately retaliate back and within 2 months that so called friend who was with her called me over the phone and started asking to meet my wife and daughter. I cursed him properly and after 15 days I got a mutual divorce pray from her.
Last week when I go to the court for the mutual divorce again to my utter surprise I saw that the first senior ( who became elder brother and give lakh rupees ) came with her for this event. But the judge did not came and the day is now one month later. I came back home and found out that the elder brother is coming to her flat in our locality on a regular basis at noon where is the common friend who has hand in hand with her is going to date with her once or twice in a week. Also there were some another divorcee guy in their office with whom she might get married in near future.🙏🏽
I don't know how I described the whole situation but I don't have any particular question.
I just want to know about some particular thoughts opinions about the incident?????