have other posts in this subreddit for overall relationship context. LONG post.
on Saturday night (Sunday morning) I (25F) woke up out of my sleep and me and Ace (28M) sleepily kissed for a while. Our partner Spade (28F) was sleep in the bed next to us given we all had passed out maybe an hour or two prior together. Long story short, we ended up starting to have sex in the other room because I didn’t want to wake her. Me and Ace were both admittedly sleepy as well and just wanted to be intimate for a few, then just go back to sleep.
I wasn’t feeling like it a lot but the foreplay from kissing helped the recent personal anxiety I’ve been having behind sex. She woke up and things got really awkward when she inserted herself in our session. I stopped and went to the bathroom because I instantly began to feel anxious with being perceived more than I already was, and I also expressed to him it was neither of their faults just my own anxiety (I will literally throw up, not feel good, have panic attacks with some of the trauma I’ve dealt with if I don’t have a safe space).
I sit in there for a minute just trying to calm down and stim in different ways to be able to go back to sleep. I think everything is good, and I come out to both of them arguing.
This turned into a 3-5 hour long screaming match argument where Spade continuously put me on a pedestal compared to Ace because I’ve been tending to her a bit more in the ways she needs. The whole basis of the argument is that he pays her no mind when I’m around, which isn’t true.
She says stuff like “you like OP a lot more than me, just go be with her instead” “I feel like you just settled with me until you could get the dream girl you wanted” “You have narcissistic tendencies stemming from your childhood” Doing anything to get an emotional reaction.
She said I wasn’t a problem for 80% of the argument, then accused me of being a unicorn solely entering the relationship to steal him from her. Mind you, I’ve known them both for years and have had individual relationships with both of them outside of our triad. That especially hurt my feelings knowing how far I would (and have) go for her.
She hammered in on both of us and got upset when we both stopped trying to be receptive because she was just screaming, telling us the worst about ourselves, then taking 0 accountability for anything not even a sorry. I sucked up how I personally have been feeling, and apologized for my wrongs so we could all have a good Mother’s Day at her parents despite her being the person to set the tone for the day. She swears nothing is wrong and everything is resolved now, but the next time she attacks me or my other partner for nothing, I don’t think I can react that calmly. I was already biting my tongue solely because I was tired and kept up all night for a fight with no basis.
Am I wrong for wanting to stop with both of them? I think the situation is too far off the deep end and my emotions are hurt deeply. The pretending like nothing happened and everything is peachy thing triggers me as well. I’m sick of arguing over nothing every two business days and trying to figure it out when I could just be solo poly. The only thing that stops me is my true love I have for both of them but last time I promised myself the next time would be the last.
TLDR: should I leave my emotionally unregulated partner for intentionally arguing with and harassing me and my other partner for ‘lack of attention’ caused by my partner withdrawing after she triggered/bashed him with no apology?

Of course, I'll talk with my prescriber about this, but wanted to get some feedback here first!
I first experience depression many years ago in college. I was given prozac and it worked well, though had bad side effects - fatigue, etc. Over time, I was switched around to celexa (so much fatigue and hair loss), effexor with wellbutrin (worked great for @ 3 years then went off cold turkey - HUGE mistake!) then lexapro and wellbutrin to help with the effexor withdrawal (hair loss with lexapro).
I didn't take any medication for @ 12-15 years. I had some low grade depression at times but managed.
I ended up going on Wellbutrin about 6-7 years ago, which has always been a "light" antidepressant for me. Then, my mom passed away suddenly in August 2021 and I was struggling a lot. Given my previous struggles with the usual SSRIs, my Dr added Trintellix.
Trintellix has helped more than any antidepressant. Apart from initial nausea, I haven't had any major side effects. Over six months, we increased to 20mg - and I was pretty good.
But, I've also had an crazy amount of life stressors and losses over the past few years - loss of a baby, divorce from an alcoholic, guardian to a parent with dementia, and run my own biz. I do see a therapist regularly and she has been super helpful.
I've had some bouts with anxiety - that seems okay now. I also have low grade ADD and was prescribed low dose adderal, which I take about 5 days a week.
I'm realizing that trintellix just doesn't seem to be working as well any more - or I've just had so much going on, it's beyond trintellix. My "symptoms" are lack of motivation, burn out, scattered, messier home than usual, some apathy. I don't have intrusive thoughts like I was having during the divorce - and I wouldn't say I'm super down, though I do get down. I exercise daily and am social. So it's not really bad depression.
So, yeah, just wanted to get some feedback. Anyone added something to trintellix to make it work better? I'm considering asking about Viibryd or Vrayler.
It's so hard to decide when to try something else! Or whether to keep going and work on myself! Trying to get in the habit of meditating daily...
I also take fish oil and B vitamins. Open to other supplements!
Thank you so much!

I’m pretty sure i’m making my mum’s life a nightmare and i just don’t know what to do.
A bit of background context: I (23F) experience quite a lot of diagnosed mental health issues (AuDHD, BPD, MDD & GAD) and I’m also chronically ill. My parents (54F & 55M) have always had good mental health and are my literal rocks in life, they’re everything to me & the only reason why i decided to stay here in this world and proactively work towards getting better.
2022-2023 were pretty much the toughest 2 years of my life, all of my MH diagnoses as well as physical diagnoses all came at this time, all so suddenly (excluding being diagnosed as depressed & anxious at 18, but we later found out it was a bit more than just that) so our whole life changed. I had to withdraw from my university education as well as work so i could focus on getting better and I had to move back home with my parents as the rest of my uni friends had graduated and moved back home that year. Unfortunately we all rather quickly drifted from each other despite being so close at uni, i stopped putting effort into maintaining a friendship when i noticed it wasn’t being reciprocated. I was stuck in a rut, never leaving the house because i didn’t need to; i wasn’t studying or working and i had no friends anymore, along with feeling either too mentally or physically unwell to cope with leaving the house.
Fast forward to current times, I am SO much more mentally stable and I have amazing coping skills now and finally feel like i’m through the toughest part of my recovery. At the beginning of this year: i had an amazing new job, started acting lessons and was excelling, financially stable and even seeing someone! It was going so well until about a month ago where I had a cardiac emergency & was hospitalised. As a direct result of this my driving license was suspended due to risk, I had to leave my job due to the risk my health poses to myself and the child with complex health need that i was caring for and the guy i was seeing ended up not wanting something serious & left. At the same time my mum started to experience disabling panic attacks for the first time & has taken time off work for a period of time.
Every single panic attack is overall caused by worry for me, usually stemming from something such as me accidentally missing an appointment, me running late to drama class, me staying up too late or not eating enough. I fully understand that it comes from a place of genuine love and motherly instincts, but I see the toll it has taken on her, she literally looks like a ghost of what she used to be. I try SO SO SO hard to avoid anything that could cause her anxiety but it never seems to work, she’s really struggling. During my rocky times I wouldn’t always communicate certain things because I was an adult and thought I could handle it myself without causing my parents any worry. I now communicate everything, they know every little detail about my emotions, thoughts, problems, and what i’m doing or have planned to do later. I definitely feel like i’ve lost my independence and freedom of an adult but i’m happy to compromise that if it helps my parents. But the issue is, since they know everything, mum’s anxiety is 10x worse, which is why i kept things to myself before to avoid this. To the point it’s disabling her. It KILLS me when I can hear her locked in the bathroom, hyperventilating and sobbing from the gut, just knowing that I caused this. I feel my parents getting more and more tired and withdrawn, they’re utterly exhausted. I don’t know how to move forward from this.

Hello
Please be gentle
I have diagnosed GAD, OCD and PTSD
Been in treatment for over 20 years and tried a lot of medications Also suffered benzodiazepine dependence and withdrawal
Currently not taking any medicines as they only make things worse
I have extreme anxiety for over month (always have anxiety but now it is very terrible) because my partner (been together for 14 months) has lied to me about watching adult videos.
My partner is 29, I am 37
We been living together for 8 months. After 1 month, I got a bit worried because he was mostly "not in the mood". We talked about it and he always reassured me saying it's not about me, he was just tired and thinking about his job a lot. So we did it like once or twice a week.
I asked if maybe he was watching 18+ in the toilet (because he spends sometimes over 30 minutes in the toilet "pooing". He said definitely not, "you are crazy to think that, I don't need that stuff:.
Fast forward 7 months later (1 month ago), I check his phone for the first time, while he is vomiting from getting drunk at a party. I find that he used Twitter (X) and have his own account "for sharing 18+"- was his bio.
He shared over 80 videos and followed about 40 other people who share the same. I confronted him and he denied for 5 hours, saying he made this account for his colleague that got blocked from Twitter. He insisted on calling that colleague which I didn't want.
Acter 5 hours he admitted he watched p*rn, but that he never watched it at home, and never got off to it.
2 weeks later he admits he got off just once, pribably while pooing, but when my face changed he said "oh no, it was in the shower before work"
Later, he admitted he got off alone in the toilet about once a month. Then it changed to twice a month...
I also found a chat of him and some person he used to have dates with; he shared p*rn to that person, "just to be friendly because that person asked if I had something to share".
This was a month ago, and I still can not trust my partner. I doubt everything, I think he is lying all the time, it hurts me that he jrked off while I was saying every week that I was scared to try to have sx because I felt rejected.
My OCD is very bad, I have constant anxiety. He is being very sweet since then. He took to me to a hotel, bought me dinner, he buys me flowers twice a week. He is very loving and caring.
I just have that deep anxiety of being lied to again. I feel cheated on.
I don't know how to get over it. But I certainly don't want to break up.
Any advice would be welcome.

Warning: contains dollar amounts and game specifics
I was going to write a whole long post describing my life gambling so far. I’ll just tell you about my most recent episode which I will probably look back on for the rest of my life as one of the worst things I’ve ever done.
Background - I am 26 years old living in the southeast US. I work in sales and make decent money for my age. I live at home with my grandma because I’m a compulsive gambler. I am down lifetime about $100,000 of my own money.
I guess it’s important to note that, relatively, I believe I have had a very tough life so far. I endured a lot of trauma around the age or 11 / 12 that separated me from my peers, my family, my passions. OBVIOUSLY there are worse cases out there - kids dying of cancer, kids that don’t know where they’re going to find their next meal. But I’ve been through the ringer man. I definitely am not a normal person. And I’m very alone.
The past month I’ve been going exceptionally hard on the online gambling. The beginning this year I developed a fixation for scratch offs, but after getting destroyed so many weeks in a row, that fixation faded a bit and I started allocating my money to the online casino. I’ve been pouring in thousands. 3 or 4 weeks ago I turned $100 into $5,500 & lost it all. I kicked myself for that one. Then about 3 days later I did the exact same thing again.
Several days ago on Friday, I loaded in $300. First I climbed it up to $1,000. Then $5,000. Then $10,000. 10k is the highest balance I’ve ever had.
That $10,000 climbed down to $2,000 and up to $12,500 and I told myself I’d call it there. I put it down, went to my coworker, and we both agreed that it was time to cash out long ago, and if I’m going to do anything, I play it down to 10k and cash.
Well, I failed to do so. And miraculously, that $10,000 turned into $30,000. $30,000 fucking US dollars. We’re getting close to the amount I may bring home after an entire fucking year of work after taxes. This is the start of a new life for me - I can move out, and I can pay off the little debt I have, and I can reset and live a normal life.
I ended up extracting $20,000 into my wallet. And I kept playing. And I kept winning.
Context - my mom controls my money because I’m obviously a degenerate compulsive gambler. This has been going on for 2 or 3 years now. But I’ve found ways to cheat our system. I have ways to get money, I have a different account where a portion of my money goes, and I tell her I make about 2/3 of what I actually do. I called her and told her I won about $45,000. And I really wanted to cash it out and give it all to my Mom so she could lock it away. The only problem was, after consulting with some people in the community, it’s a big risk to withdraw that all at once. And I let her know that. So the reality was that it would take me a while to get it all out safely, and that means it was in serious danger of me going back and playing with it.
I had so much money in there I just kept playing and it kept climbing. I got up to a total of $65,000.
65 fucking grand. That’s more than a years worth of work, 5,6, sometimes 7 days a week, 10+ hours a day, after taxes. Way more than what I’d take home.
Sitting in my car in a gas station parking lot on the way home from work, I lost $40,000 of it in about 5 minutes.
My head was spinning, I was shaking. No, please not again. I always do this. I can’t fucking put it down. I have to keep pressing that button. The greed was in full effect. $25,000 suddenly was nowhere near enough.
I proceeded to lose another $10,000 of it when I got home, 5k at a time. The only reason I didn’t lose it all in one go was because I reached the deposit limit for the day.
I managed to keep about $15,000 of it in my possession. It was the most confusing feeling - $15,000 is about twice the biggest win I’ve ever had, yet, reaching a high of $65,000 made it feel like nothing. I was up, but I was seriously down.
The next day, my mom texted me. “Hey, did you leave it alone? You okay?”… a couple hours go by without a response from me and she texts again “how bad is it?”…. Another couple hours go by “please don’t leave me hanging”. I didn’t know how to respond. It was one of the worst days at work I ever had - 2 or 3 people knew, but they also knew that I have a problem, and I knew they could tell I lost it. My energy was completely zapped, all I wanted to do was fall into bed.
That night, when my deposit limit reset - I made the decision put in $10,000 of the remaining $15,000 in. This was going to be it. My defining moment. I either get it all back or I go back to where I’ve always been. And keep in mind, these winnings are pretty much all the money I have to my name.
Well, we got it up to $20,000. Then $30,000. Then $40,000. And I put the phone down, walked away, and told myself I was the fucking man. I picked up my phone to call my mom - then put it back down. I wasn’t done. I wanted to play more. I told myself that we’re good now and we can just play small amounts and still get our fix.
That $40,000 was gone in about 10 minutes.
That pit of emptiness inside me was indescribable. I am a fuck up. I was given a 2nd chance at the impossible and still fucked every single bit of it up. I have to be one of the dumbest people on the planet.
I finally texted my mom back and told her I lost it all but about 5k. I told her I was sorry to do this right before Mother’s Day and that I keep failing her despite her efforts to try to help make a better life for me. She said 5k is better than 0 and to get some rest.
I put $4,000 of the remainder into a different site and lost it immediately.
Then, the following day (yesterday). I put in my last $900. The gamblers fallacy… I told myself all I needed to do was get it up to 4k so I can say I walked away from this session relatively up, and at least I’d have something to show my mom. Well, we got it to 4k. And then, at 4k, I told myself that all I needed was to get it to 10k. Well, again, fucking miraculously, that one hit came, and the balance shot up to $28,000. I couldn’t believe it. A 3rd chance to right my wrongs. If I fuck this up, I don’t know what hope there is for me.
I fantasized about going to the Mother’s Day dinner we have scheduled 3 hours from then and letting her know I got a really good chunk of it back. I thanked the universe for giving me a 3rd chance I never deserved.
But you know what happened. I lost it all.
I can’t keep doing this man. I’m losing years off my life. Not only losing years from the stress, but I’m losing years wasting my life away just waiting to get my next fix and burn away the money I work my ass off to make. I’m just smart enough to realize the potential of gambling, but too dumb to have the common sense and control to not partake, and cash out if I do partake.
I realize the only reason I reached these amounts is because I literally do not stop. And eventually, if you don’t stop, you’re bound to hit something.
What’s really killing me is I told myself, and everyone agreed that this will NEVER happen again in my life. Yet, it more or less happened 3 times in 2 days.
Now that ceiling is elevated. Now I’m chasing an even bigger dragon than before.
The worst part? I don’t want to stop gambling. I want to stop feeling this pain, and stop being broke, and stop suffering these extreme emotional swings between ecstasy & depression, but I don’t want to stop playing. And I’m not smart enough to understand that the 2 are mutually exclusive, at least for me.
I suffer from greed & compulsion. Once I pick it up I can’t put it down. I don’t get hungry, thirsty, tired, don’t have to use the restroom - I’m like a rat on cocaine.
I do believe I am one of the worst cases out there. When I reached $50,000, I called one of my best friends. He told me I better have the resilience to be responsible, and find people that care about me to help me with this, because I’ve been struggling with this for years and finally found a break and I’ll be kicking myself for the rest of my life if I fuck this one up.
Those words will echo in my consciousness for a long, long time.
TLDR - I’m down $100,000+ lifetime, won $65,000 from a $300 depo, pretty much lost it all and got most / a lot of it back 3 different times and still ended up with $0.

Hello
Please be gentle
I have diagnosed GAD, OCD and PTSD
Been in treatment for over 20 years and tried a lot of medications Also suffered benzodiazepine dependence and withdrawal
Currently not taking any medicines as they only make things worse
I have extreme anxiety for over month (always have anxiety but now it is very terrible) because my partner (been together for 14 months) has lied to me about watching adult videos.
My partner is 29, I am 37
We been living together for 8 months. After 1 month, I got a bit worried because he was mostly "not in the mood". We talked about it and he always reassured me saying it's not about me, he was just tired and thinking about his job a lot. So we did it like once or twice a week.
I asked if maybe he was watching 18+ in the toilet (because he spends sometimes over 30 minutes in the toilet "pooing". He said definitely not, "you are crazy to think that, I don't need that stuff:.
Fast forward 7 months later (1 month ago), I check his phone for the first time, while he is vomiting from getting drunk at a party. I find that he used Twitter (X) and have his own account "for sharing 18+"- was his bio.
He shared over 80 videos and followed about 40 other people who share the same. I confronted him and he denied for 5 hours, saying he made this account for his colleague that got blocked from Twitter. He insisted on calling that colleague which I didn't want.
Acter 5 hours he admitted he watched p*rn, but that he never watched it at home, and never got off to it.
2 weeks later he admits he got off just once, pribably while pooing, but when my face changed he said "oh no, it was in the shower before work"
Later, he admitted he got off alone in the toilet about once a month. Then it changed to twice a month...
I also found a chat of him and some person he used to have dates with; he shared p*rn to that person, "just to be friendly because that person asked if I had something to share".
This was a month ago, and I still can not trust my partner. I doubt everything, I think he is lying all the time, it hurts me that he jrked off while I was saying every week that I was scared to try to have sx because I felt rejected.
My OCD is very bad, I have constant anxiety. He is being very sweet since then. He took to me to a hotel, bought me dinner, he buys me flowers twice a week. He is very loving and caring.
I just have that deep anxiety of being lied to again. I feel cheated on.
I don't know how to get over it. But I certainly don't want to break up.
Any advice would be welcome.
TIA

I have had a consult that recommended Pristiq in place of the Wellbutrin (300mg) I am currently taking. I am considering it. Aside from the awful stories of withdrawal (which has me thinking twice about taking Pristiq) does anyone have experience or knowledge of daily cannabis use, or microdosing shrooms along with Pristiq? When I was on Prozac the only impact was that the SSRI blocked some of the potency of the shrooms - but was otherwise not an issue. Wellbutrin seems to be no issue at all for interacting with plant medicine, but it is falling short of addressing my depression.

27 y/o male. 1 can a day for 2 years
Last Saturday 05/11/2024 after heavy zyn use ( lack of quality sleep and not much food) I felt dizzy and faint. I had my first panic attack from the discomfort starting my quit. I even went to the ER and was told my bloodwork looks great and ekgs are good.
I’m two days in feeling so tired all day no matter how much I sleep. Is that nicotine or shift work? Idk
Dizzy when I walk or turn too fast. Like a Woosey/faint feeling.
Slightly agitated and slow. Loud sudden noises make me jumpy
Overall foggy brain, fatigue, discomfort and new anxiety surrounding these uncomfortable feelings.
Not once since that scary panic have I craved nicotine. I’m just scared and fatigued. My health anxiety makes me wonder if I’m even having withdrawal and is this permanent.
Is what I’m feeling normal?

Hey now. So I’ve been going pretty hard on the giggle gas since last summer after a bunch of turmoil within my personal life and a really significant experience combining it with L. It especially got heavy during this past winter and at this point it has just become a part of my weekend routine, and even sometimes weekdays if I make an extra $100 from work (I paint apartments for a living).
No health or cognitive drawbacks (yet), but financially I’ve found myself in a real bind. I’ve tried stopping multiple times, but always find myself blowing most of my paycheck on it at the end of every week. Even though I haven’t been getting anything out of it for a while now, there’s still that insatiable pull towards grabbing at least 1 tank once payday rolls around. It honestly doesn’t even get me high anymore at this point and I’m just getting frustrated at myself for chasing the womp, or more accurately, the “breakthrough”. During the best of times with it, I was able to wrestle with a lot of personal issues and either come to terms with them or find a genuine solution. Regular ol’ therapy could not even compete in my experience. I honestly wonder how well it would pair with simple free association in a clinical setting with a therapist. Maybe a future research project once I finish post-grad. Just a thought as I don’t hold a vendetta against the gas, I know this is a ME issue.
Any advice here from anyone who has successfully kicked the habit? I don’t feel any physical withdrawal whatsoever, but psychologically it’s hard to get my mind off of it once I get to Friday, and I end up caving. I’m just tired of wasting my money on this garbage and seeing my storage closet fill up with empty tanks (I don’t like to throw them in the garbage, I prefer to bring them to get recycled).
The only thing I can think of is to fill my time up end to end until I can break the pattern I’ve built for myself. Maybe a good meditation practice that can bring me into a similar headspace? Anyone have any suggestions regarding that? I’ve noticed that my biggest trigger is just having free time and getting bored. The place it brings me mentally is the most alluring part to me during those moments. Forget the sense-perception changes. It brings me to a state where I can really get in control of my thoughts. A borderline +4 state using the Shulgin scale.
If I can just make it like 2 weeks without it, I know I can kick it especially if I find something that can take me to a similar space cognitively. I did the same thing with weed, and while I still smoke, it’s more of a “special occasion” treat at this point when seeing concerts as opposed to multiple times a day just to get by. I guess it’s time to pick up a new hobby or something.
I should include the fact that other than nicotine and weed, this is really the only thing that has had this much of a hold on me. I don’t really struggle with addiction when it comes to anything else, but this is really unique in that way. I have a feeling it has something to do with how accessible it is. I live right next to a head shop that sells them for dirt cheap, so it’s incredibly easy to grab one on the way home and grab another once the first one runs out. I know it’s as easy as not going to the shop, but damn. It’s always the easiest methods that are the hardest to do.
Honestly any words of advice would help. Hell, even a good roast may do the trick.
Thanks y’all and stay safe please!!! I never thought it could get THIS addictive, but here we are. Live and learn, I suppose.

Hello fellow quitters (the good kind)! First of all I want to say a big thank you to all of the contributors to this sub. If it weren't for you all logging your quit symptoms I would have had no idea what was happening to me and have been very confused about why I was feeling the way I was. This sub helped me feel not so alone in dark moments, and gave me place to vent. But mostly it provided reassurance that what I was feeling was normal and that in turn gave me motivation to keep going and make it to 64 days off nicotine. So thank you all sincerely.
And I want to give a shout out to Bizzy and HoopsCoach for being so active here and honest about your quitting journey. It has helped.
Story first: So I'm going to cathartically dump my nicotine origin story in hopes that the perspective really allows me some closure and brings some relation to others. I started using nicotine at 15 years old in the form of long cut chewing tobacco a friend gave me. The first dip I had gave me an incredible dope rush and I still remember it to this day. I was so happy and thought I found my new best friend. I was giddy. I needed more. Well, as you know the next hit isn't as good and you're just chasing that buzz forever. So I did. I chewed for the next 14 years. It was my crutch, my security blanket. My favorite meal was 4 cups of coffee and a horseshoe in my mouth. I probably did a can every 1.5 days. My oral hygiene was good and I was physically active, drank plenty of water and ate well so I assumed it wasn't that bad.
Over time though, it did take its toll. My gums and cheeks would would shed dead skin. I was getting sensitive teeth, my sleep was turning south, i developed nerve pain in my hands and feet, I wasted a lot of money on chew and it didn't fit in with my new job in the food industry.
So at some point about 5 years ago a coworker shows me his Zyn spearmint. I knew what nicotine was but had no idea how much 6mg was or how much I had been getting from dip. The pouch itself was comically small and was initially very unsatisfying because I was used to the sensation of a fat lip. But dang it gave me a buzz! It tasted ok too. I still had my cans of dip and I wasn't about to mix two different products together so I didn't rush out and get them. But sure enough the next time I was out of chewing tobacco I made the switch so I could get my fix at work. I was in love. I could be on a steady drip of nicotine all day and all night. I only took those things out to brush and eat. I mean slept with them in. I ordered in bulk I brought them every where. Wallet, keys, phone, water, Zyn. Ok let's go!
Sleep became even worse. Started feeling wired and tense. Like my muscles were always wanting to contract. I was short tempered. My cardio fitness was declining. I was feeling winded often. And wasting even more money. I wasn't sure if those pouches were giving me energy or making me tired. I just know I needed more of them.
A different coworker introduced me to pre workout about 2 years ago so now I have no more fatigue and I'm just working like a banshee rocking and rolling and then it happened. I had a panic attack. I was about to pass out late at night, and then something happened that forced me to stay up another couple of hours and I got anxiety like I've never had. Out of breath, heart beat out of control. Like I had got hit with epi pen. Nausea, chest pain. This was in September of 2023. The next day I had lingering chest pain. I still wonder if I had a cardiac episode or the chest pain was due to the panic attack and dry heaving. Hopefully the latter. It did eventually go away after a few weeks.
I realized I needed to quit everything right then and there. I swore off energy drinks and have been mostly successful in that. All though i did switch to coffee. I tried to cold turkey every thing at once but it made me too sick. Puking, lost my appetite. Anxiety, chest palpitations, you name it. So I reintroduced caffeine and 3 mg pouches. I had to taper. I tried to make it less painful but i ended up prolonging the suffering. My withdrawal symptoms have included dizziness, blurred vision, decreased appetite, fatigue, confusion, insane anxiety followed by depression, heart palpitations, regret and sense of sadness, chest pain, short temper, and a 10 day stretch of insomnia that was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. I basically slept 3 hours. A Night for 10 days.
As for being on day 64, I still don't feel great. But I'm more patient and I'm not wasting money. The anxiety is mostly gone too by comparison. I don’t have a great appetite yet and I’m not sleeping perfectly either. Hoping the 90 day mark gets me over the hump. Over all I'm glad I quit. I needed to move on. My kids don't need to see the pouches, they were causing cardiovascular harm and high blood pressure , increased resting heart rate and wrecking my sleep. I'm leaving this sub for a while and will make a day 100 update. I wish everyone the best. It's not easy but you can do this.

Okay I have been on vyvanse since Feb. My docter went up pretty slow for me but I am assuming it's because I am a recovered addict. I have 4 yrs in recovery but recently was diagnosed with adhd this past Nov. So from 20mg up to 50mg and when I was on 30mg he Aldo put me on wellbutrin. The combo seems to work for me well.. but I am wondering if my vyvaanse is still working.. Now I am getting tired again mid afternoon...drained feeling,
I know my family tell me I seem calmer still and I sense that, and I do know my emotion regulation is still so much better, I used to get soo overwhelmed with my 2 yr old but now i am still doing sk much better with that , sometimes I still tend to loose my cool but idk if that's jus normal or what
The areas I don't find it helping are- if someone is telling something, I still seem to drift, plus I absolutely hate how I am still having trouble with my communication.. I recently was able to figure this out but when I try to get words out at times, like for instance at work if it's a subject I'm not 100% fimilar with or someone I'm not very comfortable with..even if I have rehearsed something, i still will struggle to find the words right.. Recently was able to find out that that's actually at adhd symptom... Some people are slower with their listening and others are slow with their speaking.. I hope I am explaining it right, but is this something that could be fixed from medication?

So I've been smoking on and off for years, about 4 years back I went from never having a cig to smoking about 14 a day for about 3-4 months, I "quit" after that while still choosing to vape.
Fast forward to 2 years back, I picked up smoking again and have been smoking anywhere from 10-18 smokes a day (on average probably 16) up until a week and a half ago, I've cut down to 4-6 a day now after weening down a bit.
The thing about this that puzzles me the most is like any substance (weed, liq, nicotine, etc) I've always done it for the effect it has on me yet when I smoke I feel nothing (well no that's a lie I actually feel worse after smoking). Can anyone answer me as to why I'm having such a hard time dropping it? Again I still have my vape to help out with withdrawals so they aren't an issue and I've been able to go a couple days here and there without smoking, then the idea pops into my head that I should have "just one more" cig and immidietly regret it after as there was no positive effects.
This whole things got me confused, I can't comprehend why I can't stop smoking if it doesn't benefit me anymore and I'm actively trying to stop. My brain just goes "oh you're sitting on the deck? Have a smoke, oh you just finished eating? Have a smoke, oh you just are about to lay down for bed? Have a quick smoke". I'm tired, I just want to quit. The only thing I've found that helps is smoking weed (legal where I'm from), as it makes me forget to smoke but I feel like that's only putting a band aid on the problem as when I run out of weed or take a tolerance break (which I'll be taking soon) then that outlet is no longer there for me.
This shit just seems impossible, I'm tired of smoking and want it to stop. Down to my last pack yet debating on buying a new carton that I keep telling myself would be "for emergencies/reserve" but that's literally me lying to myself as that is what I said about my last carton that I bought a week ago.
To anyone that's sat and read all of this I appreciate you, if you got any advice for me I'd love to hear it

I met this guy a few days ago, he was here on holiday and was gonna leave in a few days. We instantly connected and chatted over text at night for a few hours for 2-3 days. The night before he left we decided to meet again. It was really fun and we chatted a lot. Towards the end of the night I was really tired (from lack of sleep the past few days) and suggested we just go home. I didn’t really say a proper goodbye. Once I started driving though, my chest hurt so bad and I felt really sad, so I decided I have to go back to say goodbye properly. I met him again at the spot we parted and told him how I felt, and he said he wasn’t in a good place to date right now. At that point I didn’t know if I actually liked him at all? Also thought it was fair enough because we literally met days ago. But I felt so much better after saying goodbye the second time. Fast forward the next day, he’s left and I find myself always kind of hoping his name pops up on my phone, or his name/face will just pop up in my mind. The past few days have been such a high and I could literally survive on 2hours sleep. But now, I feel just tired and unmotivated. Is it crazy? That I feel so much? I really felt so connected to him. But the rational part of me knows we’ve only known each other for days so why these intense “withdrawal” symptoms?? If anyone has advice/thoughts, it would be so appreciated.
edit: it’s been 9 days since this post. we texted for a few days but stopped one week ago. I figured I shouldn’t initiate it because its probably not gonna do me any good. but I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about him. what do I do??

I met this guy a few days ago, he was here on holiday and was gonna leave in a few days. We instantly connected and chatted over text at night for a few hours for 2-3 days. The night before he left we decided to meet again. It was really fun and we chatted a lot. Towards the end of the night I was really tired (from lack of sleep the past few days) and suggested we just go home. I didn’t really say a proper goodbye. Once I started driving though, my chest hurt so bad and I felt really sad, so I decided I have to go back to say goodbye properly. I met him again at the spot we parted and told him how I felt, and he said he wasn’t in a good place to date right now. At that point I didn’t know if I actually liked him at all? Also thought it was fair enough because we literally met days ago. But I felt so much better after saying goodbye the second time. Fast forward the next day, he’s left and I find myself always kind of hoping his name pops up on my phone, or his name/face will just pop up in my mind. The past few days have been such a high and I could literally survive on 2hours sleep. But now, I feel just tired and unmotivated. Is it crazy? That I feel so much? I really felt so connected to him. But the rational part of me knows we’ve only known each other for days so why these intense “withdrawal” symptoms?? If anyone has advice/thoughts, it would be so appreciated.
edit: we texted for a few days but stopped one week ago. I figured I shouldn’t initiate it because its probably not gonna do me any good. but I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about him. what do I do??

I am currently in the process of switching from sertraline to venlafaxine for anxiety. My GP’s instructions were to lower my sertraline dose over a few weeks, have a week of no meds, then start venlafaxine 37.5mg. I had been on 200mg Sertraline for years. I ended up going from 200mg straight into 100mg instead of 150mg as I was ill and couldn’t get to the pharmacy to pick up the 50mg tablets. So had a week of feeling like crap but don’t know how much of that was the virus and how much was the withdrawal. Going from 100mg to 50mg was ok. But 50mg to 0 has been rough. I made it a few days on 0 before dizzyness, trouble thinking clearly, and the effect on my balance and coordination got too rough so I took 50mg sertraline one day. Then made it another few days on 0 until it was too rough again and took half a 50mg tablet yesterday. I was really struggling at work yesterday, dizzy and tired, short term memory was very poor and was feeling like my brain was swimming about in a bowl of custard. I have a day off today and am just having a rest but I have an important meeting to go to tomorrow and I need my brain and body to be functioning. Assuming I still feel like this tomorrow, should I take another 50mg or half tablet sertraline to try get through the day? Or is it safe to try starting venlafaxine yet even though I haven’t had a week of 0 meds? If it wasn’t the weekend I would have popped round to talk to my local pharmacist. I will be seeing my GP again in a couple weeks but I was meant to have started the new meds by then. At this rate I’m not sure I’ll get there if I have to keep trying to get all the way down to 0 for a week.

Hoping my wise goddesses here can help me figure things out!
Apologies for the length - feel free to skip. The TL: DR is possible depression with peri brain fog, AuDHD, and C-PTSD.
I'm having some challenges with my mood, but I am really uncertain about what to do. I have, like a lot of you, a few things I'm trying to understand - the brain fog that feels VERY tied to perimenopause because it was a unique thing starting about 2 years ago of feeling stoned all the time. It's been tough to tease out what is perimenopause, what is AuDHD (autism and ADHD), what is CPTSD (recent abusive relationship and longer-term trauma), and what is just a stressful thing like unemployment and relocation. I know a lot of us struggle with ADHD (I was not prepared for autism and ADHD and peri to be this hellish) so curious about how people are understanding emotional dysregulation and moods. I'm on a non-stimulant which IS helping, and hopefully I'll get back on a stimulant at some point.
I was a depressed teen and knew what months-long depression felt like, but most of the meds - including 'newer' ones like Wellbutrin - really had terrible side effects, including numbing me out - I spent much of the last part of high school zonked out because of too high a dose. I haven't been on any anti-depressants at least 15+ years, thankfully, and the ADHD meds I'm on do help a lot with emotional regulation. I also think a lot of my autistic burnout and sensory overload 'feels' like depression, but almost isn't. I almost feel like I haven't had a true depression for decades, thankfully, so right now's 'meh' mood worries me a lot. And I have a nurse practitioner who's decent and has suggested something like Wellbutrin can be added if I want.
But I don't quite feel depressed consistently (like can't get out of bed depression) and maybe this is where the peri comes in. I know a lot of us talk about this nameless 'despair without sadness' - I do have lack of energy, lower mood, lack of interest, sleep hell, but then a few days later I will be MUCH better. So it's almost temporary mini-mood dips (a mini-Chihuahua sized depression)rather than the idea of months long depression. The lack of interest is the one that makes me wonder if it's depression or when it's hormones ('maybe it's makeup, maybe it Maybelline Peri Hell'). It definitely isn't PMS related because the lack of interest is a newer thing the past couple of weeks. On the other hand, I'm taking a course full time and I'm completely attentive and doing the homework - so the 'lack of interest' isn't exactly true either - as you can see I am able to still right :D It's almost a hormonal cruise director changing the path of the ship every single day.
My question is, for folks who have these mini-depressions, how has your ADHD and autism and peri and CPTSD and *everything else* made you think of depression? Are you on any newer anti-depressants that don't have side effects and how have you made the case to your doctors you want the newer ones especially if you have AuDHD? What have you felt is the most effective for mood? For context, the Strattera I'm on is great - I absolutely notice the benefits and don't have side effects, but if I skip a dose I also don't fall apart. And it doesn't feel like dythalmia either - considering ADHD and autism and peri and CPTSD it feels like I'm just collecting the worst group of meh conditions and just am so tired of the weight of each of them.
I'm honestly terrified with the brain fog if I do have that side effects from anti-depressants side will make things worse, as some days I'm needing naps and the idea of doing the 'going on meds, tapering off, trying another med' dance is scary to me. The fact my NP defaulted to Wellbutrin makes me concerned about getting anything else. (I was on it and hated the side effects, told her about that and she STILL suggested it - yes I'm looking for a psychiatrist). I need to be applying to jobs and am pretty worried right now and my brain being at 75% battery life is no good.
Thanks for any thoughts! Gold stars to anyone who made it this far!

DO NOT DO WHAT I DID (except for the last one ig you do you)
So in this order I took 22.5mg percocet, 60mg baclofen, and 100mg lyrica at 7pm. I took 2mg Xanax at 8:34pm because I was having a MASSIVE panic attack probably from Lyrica withdrawal, I’m tapering off and it sucks immensely even going down by the lowest increment. I was also clammy, feverish, of course anxious, and generally just feeling unwell so I took 1200mg of gabapentin to see if that would help offset withdrawal symptoms as per the guidance of my neurologist (and it did!). I took a few sips of strawberry soju (so about a shot & a half). I took an extra dose of my pain meds (22.5mg) cause my nerve pain was KILLING me, probably from the insane amount of anxiety and stress, and no alcohol isn’t a trigger for my pain if anyone asks. And then I made a pina colada with 2 shots of pineapple Malibu.
Now I have a complicated relationship with my parents (so much emotional neglect in childhood but since my nerve injury we’ve been a lot closer). I also get super huggy/needy when I’m under the influence. And also I’ve had a lot of trauma come up because my car is undriveable now, so I have to get a ride everywhere so of course now it’s back to how I was as a teen and child despite being 21 but my trauma brain doesn’t understand that so I felt like a kid who wanted his mommy and daddy again. So I fell asleep between them around 1am and they were chill with that.
I got a solid 6 hours of sleep, woke up at 6:55am, and feel GREAT. A decent bit tired so I might take a nap later, but I feel rested. Even though it’s not super well rested, I’ve rarely had this feeling (like I can count on my hands the amount). But I do know if fall asleep again now I’ll stay asleep until 5pm so I ain’t gonna do that. I must have had a lot of deep sleep and suppressed my REM sleep from all the shit I took (I have suspected narcolepsy type 2 or idiopathic hypersomnia PLUS the insomnia). Basically I can’t sleep but once I fall asleep I’m impossible to wake up for 10-14 hours and I’m trapped in my dreams, sleep hallucinations, and sleep paralysis for most of that time. I’m in the process of getting a redo on my PSG and hopefully adding on a MSLT cause that’s the test I really need. But anyway yeah that was last nights experience and I’m not gonna repeat it but I need to find a safe way to get the same result cause that was fantastic.

I thought I had a decent friendship with these 2 people calling them X and Y. Now, I am aware of the fact that most trios have a duo and for the better part of it, I thought we didn't and we all were doing fine and nothing seemed off.
Until like 2-3 years ago, where they suddenly started calling each other their bestfriends and lucky charms and I for the longest time kept trying to convince myself that maybe it's all in my head and I am not treated differently even when it didn't feel right. They both actively text and you can blame me too, because I started withdrawing and interacting less.
Whenever we met in the past 2-3, it always felt like I was an unnecessary add on. They always want to hang out for some bizzare reason, even though we barely text and when we eventually meet, it's always a reminder of how close both of them are. One of them always makes it a point to call the other by her nickname (which she has given her) in front of me and acts like she knows everything about her and I am sat there thinking of why am I even there.
I don't want to have these relationships anymore but at the same time I don't want to be looked at as some miserable loner, so I maintain decent terms but it's so exhausting. Meeting them drains my energy. I'm tired to making excuses and I want to end it once and for all but I just never know how to.
I might have been terrible and I always try to look back at things and make note of what all I could have possibly done wrong but I can't pin point anything.
X always made sure to mention that she was prioritizing Y and would go so as far to take off from work for going to cafes with her meanwhile when it came to me, it always the "I was busy with work" and "you should understand" or some bitchy remark. Y too in her own ways, in more subtle ways, that are not too obvious made sure to treat X better than she treated me even though I was continuously told over text that I was her close friend. This cycle keeps repeating and now I don't want anything to do with both of them anymore.
They don't bother to check on me but will always complain about me it just makes me wonder why do they even want me involved in their plans, if all they are going to do is bitch later?
Also this year, despite knowing that I was in a rough situation, they ignored me and only called/messaged because they were planning to meet and that's about it.

Here's a collection of tips and recommendations based on my travel experiences in Japan. I hope these tips will help! For more context: I was a solo traveler, with a backpack and stayed for about 28 days.
Edit: Just a clarification; it's a list based on my experience, so some of the stuff might not be accurate. But again, it's just here to help!

Preparation:

• Planning: Start planning your travel route at least 3-6 months in advance. It often takes about a month or two to finalize an itinerary, and allows plenty of time for adjustments.
• Accommodation:
  • Booking hotels: You should to book your hotels around 3 months in advance, especially during public holidays to avoid last minute hassles.
  • Choosing accommodations in Tokyo: If you split Tokyo into two, the west side offers a better experience for a longer stay imo. Althought, I found the best gift in asakusa and electric town.
  • Mix of lodgings: I really recommend you to include include a mix of guesthouses and hotels. Guesthouses are great for socializing, while hotels provide that much-needed rest. Pro tip: opt for private rooms in guesthouses when possible.
  • Hotel choices: APA hotels are standard business hotels. they're fine but can be mundane. If possible, find hotels with a public bath. it’s incredibly nice after a day.
  • Accommodation safety: Regularly check Google Maps reviews for mentions of bed bugs within the last two years and avoid those places. Bed bug infestations aren't well handled yet in Japan.
• Transports
  • JR Pass: Buy the Japan Rail Pass (JRP) in advance. Although consider skipping the JR Pass in favor of regional passes like the Hakone Free Pass, which covers not only trains but also buses and local attractions
  • Regional passes: if you plan to get regional passes, it needs some digging, use gpt and google. You might also need to adjust your travel plan depending on what you find
• Technology:
  • Apps: Sync Google Maps and Google Translate (regular AND image translation packs) and before your trip for smoother navigation and communication.
  • Internet access: Instead of renting pocket wifi devices, you should go for a SIM or e-SIM with unlimited data, which you should get before your trip.
• Attractions
  • Booking: Book tickets for TeamLab a month in advance as they sell out quickly. Observation towers (like Tokyo Tower or Skytree for sunset views) 10 days in advance, check the weather for the best sunset view ever!
  • Ghibli museum tickets: Tickets are released on the 10th at 10 AM Japan time, available online and at Konbini stores. It's easier to get them with the help of a local friend. Be online an hour early if you're booking yourself. I was asked who was my the person who booked my ticket when I got there, so don't buy tickets from ebay.
  • Theme park: you should totally see one in japan if you stay longer than 1 week
• Cash: Carrying around $150 in yen per week per person is a good rule of thumb. Always use your card when possible to avoid running out of cash.

Packing:

• Essentials:
  • Pack your toothbrush and toothpaste... some hotels may not provide them (I read the opposite but this wasn't my experience).
  • Skip the towel, most places provide them or offer them at a low very cost
  • Dont bring soap or shampoo as most hotels provide unless you have specific personal preferences for your hairs
  • Deodorant is a must there, make sure you don't run out because it's not easy to get some there. Also avoid deodorant that smells good. Japanese people dislike odors.
  • Sunscreen: it is a good thing to bring even in the spring or autumn
• Clothes:
  • Socks: If you have larger feet, bring enough socks and shoes as finding your size can be difficult in Japan.
  • Shoes: Get the most comfortable and cushioned shoes, you will walk a lot
  • Laundry: Travel light and plan to do laundry. (I brought around 8 days of clothes) If you do laundry, you can send a message to your accomodations to know if they have a laundry machines. In some town, it's not always available.
• Tech:
  • Make sure you have an outlet adapter type A
  • Bring a power bank
  • Always carry a small plastic bag or ziplock bag for your trash.
  • A long USB charging cable is handy as outlets are often inconveniently placed.
  • Bring one pen or fill up the online form for when you get in the country
• Other:
  • Sleeping mask: some rooms don't really block the morning light
  • If you're a backpacker, compression packing cubes can be a game changer.
  • Don't pack a large umbrella. buy a compact one before your trip or simply purchase a cheap one in Japan. Japanese people love umbrellas!
  • Bring a needle for your sim card!

When you fly in

• Transport cards: Purchase an IC card (Pasmo or Suica) at the airport. Do not skip that part. Opt for the welcome version if you’re staying less than 29 days. The differences between cards are minor, so choose based on your arrival airport and convenience:
  • Pasmo welcome at NRT airport.
  • Suica welcome at HND airport
  • You can get both normal version at both airport
• Airport transportation: From Narita Airport, I recommend to choose the cheaper transport option (1,500 yen vs. 2,500 yen). The price difference isn’t worth the slight time save.
• Using your IC card: Start using your IC card right from the airport. Don't buy tickets. If you're confused, ask staff!
• Activating the JR Pass: You can activate your JR Pass at the airport but due to crowds, it might be easier to activate it at a JR office in Tokyo. Always carry your passport for verification. (You can also delay the activation at the office).
• Trains: Try to Buy your ticket train in advance if you can.
• If it's your first time: Don't plan anything the day you arrive. You will be tired. Just walk in the city.

Theme Parks:

Visiting a theme park in Japan is highly recommended as it provides a wonderful break from traditional sightseeing and was a highlight of my trip.

• Tickets: Always buy your tickets from the official website. use Google Chrome’s translate feature to navigate.
• DisneySea:
  • food: Definitely try the food, especially the popcorn. The curry flavor is amazing
  • Managing long queues: If an attraction has a very long queue (50 min+), consider visiting it at the end of the day or opt for a Premier Access pass to skip the line. it's around 1500 yen per attraction.
  • Park hours: Arrive 30 minutes before opening and consider staying until the park closes. it is especially beautiful at night and less crowded. The fireworks are at 8:30 and the park closes at 9. This schedule may change during the summer as the day light time is different.
  • Language tools: Use Google Translate’s conversation feature, as many attractions do not offer English subtitles. Yes, it won't be perfect, but it's the best I got.
  • Travel time: Takes about 1 hour via local bus or train.
  • Accommodation: Staying at the Disney hotel is not necessarily the best value for your money in my opinion as it takes one hour to get there
• Universal Studios:
  • Single riders: Solo visitors can often skip the Express Pass thanks to many attractions offering single rider queues.
  • Group travel: If traveling in a group and looking to avoid long lines, get an Express Pass at least two months in advance. Be aware of prices ($60 vs $300).
  • Park hours: Arrive early as the park often opens an hour before the stated time. For instance, if it says 9 AM on the website, it will open at 8 AM.
  • Nintendo World: Head to Nintendo World first as it gets very crowded. Book your tickets after you enter the park with the app. You can stay once you in as long as you like. (Wifi is available at the entrance)

Onsen

I was totally lost when I entered my first onsen, so I will share a tiny guide

• Local spots: Seek out onsens frequented by locals. You will have a better experience imo. Also search the best ones in town, it can cleary change your experience.
• Locker rooms: Once at your locker, remember that onsens require you to be completely naked. Leave your clothes in the locker. Do not bring bath suit...
• Towel: Bring a small towel from your hotel for use in the onsen, but remember not to immerse it in the bath. Some locals like to put it on their head while submerged.
• Pre-bath: Before entering the bath, wash and rinse yourself at the washing stations. Sit on the provided stool, and please, don't stand while showering,
• Entering the bath: Use the bucket to pour water over yourself before entering the main bath. This helps your body adjust to the temperature.
• Conduct: Try to relax and blend in, appearing shy or self-conscious can draw more attention. Also, avoid staring at others. It'sworth mentioning that some locals staired at me, It's not common for them to see us naked.
• Post-bath: After you’re done, rinse off quickly at the washing area before returning to the locker room.

Food

• Morning:
  • Coffee: Opt for coffee from konbini stores instead of Starbuck coffee. It’s cheaper (about 1/3 of the price) and often just as good.
  • Fast breakfast: if you are in a hurry and you need to grab something, onigiri balls are a great choice in my opinion
  • Traditional breakfast: You should try the traditional breakfast with grilled salmon at least once.
• Adjust meal schedule: Japanese meal times are typically earlier... consider skipping breakfast if you're not an early riser, and aim for lunch around 11:00-11:30 AM, and dinner by 6:00-6:30 PM. Most places close early!
• Choosing Restaurants:
  • Avoid the hype: do not go to restaurants with long queues or those that are heavily featured on Instagram or any social media. A lot of random restaurant with 3-4 stars on gmap are more authentic and delicious.
  • Searching: When you look for a specific type of food, like ramen, use Google Maps’ filter options under ‘restaurants’ for more accurate results, rather than just searching the term directly.
• Other:
  • Recommendations: Utilize GPT to ask about local specialty dishes when you're in a new city.
  • Be adventurous: Try new and different foods whenever possible. it can lead to discovering many amazing dishes.
  • Yakiniku: Book yakiniku (Japanese BBQ) restaurants in advance.
  • Local: Restaurants with vending machine ordering systems are popular among locals. You can use google's translate to understand the buttons if it's in japanese
  • Prices: Remember that prices on the menu may not include taxes, which are typically around 10%.
  • Cash: 80% of restaurants are cash only

Shops and souvenirs:

I recommend to buy at the end of your trip, otherwise, you will carry everything. Also it's important that, if you see something that you really like, don't tell yourself that you will find that exact same thing at another place.

• Kappabashi Street: Specializes in Japanese kitchen tools
  • Hashitou: Recommended for chopsticks (¥800 to ¥30k range). https://maps.app.goo.gl/TUeFAgaYfZDYa2qM7 Please, don't buy chopsticks at very touristy places
  • Kamata: Offers knives with tax-free shopping. https://maps.app.goo.gl/JnhLpGRhMUWA12Pp7
  • Tsubaya: Known for high-end, quality knives. (¥10K to ¥150K range) https://maps.app.goo.gl/bNBsaSMD6vACeZLG7
• Don Quijote: A go-to place for random and unique items. Look for the Kai nail clipper (¥1300-¥1800), highly recommended on another thread.
• Super Potato: for retro gaming and a geeky atmosphere: https://maps.app.goo.gl/WmHQW1bwgiACY2ZN8
• Nintendo and Pokemon Shops: Located in Osaka and Kyoto.

Random tips

• Handling Trash:
  • Shops: Avoid leaving trash at the store where you did not purchase the items. But for the stuff you bought, merchant will be happy to take it back because you supported their business
  • In the streets: Use trashcans in shopping malls or subway stations.
• Passport: Carry your passport and keep a photocopy in your hotel for backup.
• Baggage services: Utilize Yamato Transport for luggage delivery if you're staying over 72 hours at your next destination. But carry 1 day of clothes with you.
• Footwear in rooms: Remove shoes before entering if your room has tatami mats. Japanese style!
• Transportation:
  • Subway vs. bus: Favor the subway over buses outside of Tokyo. It can be really confusing sometime.
  • Don't walk: Use the subway rather than walking if your destination is more than a 20-minute walk. It's not worth the time and the effort.
  • Navigation: Rely on Google Maps for directions, costs, and subway platforms information. sometimes, you have multiple compagnies in the same station, some multiple platform 1 etc. but once you get in the right company network station, you won't mistaken the platform to go to.
• Interact with others: Talk to foreigners. ask for the best travel tip they have for you as a ice breaker. I had a blast talking to people there
• Kyoto:
  • Fushimi Inari Taisha: Visit popular the shrine after 7-8pm to avoid crowds and see nighttime lights.
  • Otagi Nenbutsuji: I recommend to visit this place: https://maps.app.goo.gl/1jBXSfmLRvRSjnvA7, it's not croweded and the path to get there form the bamboo forest is very cute. I got this tip from an other solo traveler
• Floors: sometime, a shop is at a specific floor, when you check google map, check the address, it will usually say which floor it's located on.
• Learning japanese: Learn basic Japanese with Duolingo can help a lot. (consider skipping the alphabet to focus on sentences.)
• Keep coins: Keep ¥1000 in ¥100 coins handy for laundry and lockers.
• Cash: Withdraw cash at post offices with minimal fees if needed or konbini stores if you're lazy.
• Before check-in/after check-out: Most hotels will store your luggage outside of your stay for a few hours
• Lockers: Store your belongings in public lockers, the ones in gare station might be full
• Name on a paper in you wallet: Label your wallet and important items with your name to aid in recovery if lost. One time, I forgot my wallet in the laundry room in my hotel, but fortunatelly, I had some bills with my name on it, so staff could find me back easily.
• Use GPT:
  • When you have a spare time in a city because you already checked everything on your list, try to ask gpt for advice on what you should do in the current district/city your are in.
  • If you have any questions on something, gpt is a great way to get answers or cultural info.
  • Like I said earlier, It's also a great way to know what dishes the place you are in is known for
  • If you have the JR Pass, it's a great way to know if a subway line is included

Let me know what are your toughts!

Hello — I joined this Reddit group a few months ago after my diagnosis, but have been hesitant to post questions for the mere thought “maybe my gastroparesis isn’t bad enough to post and might be insensitive”. While I am struggling I do want to preface my questions may not be the typical.
I was officially diagnosed with GP March 2024, after conducting a study and having over 30% at 4 hour mark, so technically a moderate case. However, I know I’ve had this since 2018 when I first found out I had H pylori and gastritis, but only took care of the H.pylori. It never really because an issue I couldn’t manage until last year 2023. I suffered, what I now know as gallbladder attacks for 6 months until lNovember 2023. I underwent emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder (my liver enzymes were through the roof and extremely swollen gallbladder and severe pain). Then, my GP came back with vengeance. However, my doctors and I didn’t know this - I just knew that I was severely constipated and had opposite expected symptoms from gallbladder removal (didn’t have extreme diarrhea etc.). I still had abdominal pain. So my doc started prescribing me Linzess, Bentyl, Protonix to manage systems. Didn’t work. Stopped Linzess as I couldn’t leave the restroom all day. Took Bentyl only for emergencies. Zoltan for those quest days. I finally Had a study done (the radioactive eggs and toast) and had elevated levels at the 2 & 4 hour mark. I was the prescribed Mirtazapine for nighttime. Three months later I’ve gained all the weight I lost from gallbladder surgery. I’m almost obese category. I cannot find anything material or Reddit subgroups that align with what I’m going through. I have no energy. I am ravenous at night. I feel sick the following morning like hung over. The only thing that helps is my daily ADHD meds (Vyvanse) which makes me go and empties my stomach.
I’m tired of taking all the meds. Is anyone going through this? Feeling full and bloated but have pills to make you feel better, only to eat more or pass you out? I hate it. I’m a single mother and losing quality time with her. I can’t keep up.
Full meds I take
Morning: Protonix, Vyvanse, Wellbutrin
Day: Zofran and/or Bentyl for severe pain
Night: Mirtazapine (or clonazepan when I’m feeling anxious)
Weight:Nov 2023 130 pounds Weight: May 2024 155 pounds Height: 5’0

I've been on sertraline for about 7 months. it kinda went like this: started at 50mg, then a little bit on 75mg, and the majority of time on 100mg. one month went by. is it working yet? I'm still sad and empty. my mood is piss poor and I'm sleeping all day, every day. another month. less exhausted, but still very low energy. maybe I'll try adding wellbutrin. a few months pass. I feel okay, but I don't think the wellbutrin is doing anything at all. taper off. a few more months up to now. I feel....good.
I see all these posts on here about people being on zoloft for 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 3 months, and they feel like themselves again. they feel happy and most days are good days. I was waiting for my turn- to wake up one day and finally feel happy. that day never came though! there was never a moment where I opened my eyes and suddenly the world was in color again. it was more like.....every day, the vibrancy was turned up a quarter of a notch. not noticeable whatsoever. but then suddenly I'm 7 months in and I'm sitting in the green grass at the park, finding joy in watching the little yellow ducklings in the dark blue pond trail behind their mama, thinking about how nice the bright sun feels on my skin, drinking a delicious milky iced latte as the wind blows my hair around. and I finally realize maybe I am happy?
I still have bad days, and I still feel anxious sometimes, and I'm still fighting thought patterns and old depressive habits in therapy- I mean, it's been years and years of depression and anxiety, of course a little pill won't undo all the ways that depression has taught me to live my life. but my mood range has shifted from 1-4 to 3-8. I'm more patient. I'm still tired a lot, but I have enough energy to do the things I need to do and like to do. music sounds...nice. I can be alone with my thoughts and not turn straight to doom and gloom.
zoloft doesn't work for everybody. but zoloft also works differently for everybody. so if you're not convinced that it's working for you, give it a little bit longer than you think, and after a while, really take inventory of how you feel and what your life looks like compared to before. it might be doing more than you think. :)

Previously, on Hell’s Kitchen…
The final 11 participated in Chef Ramsay’s own personal version of Wheel of Fortune, in which they spun for their ingredients and built their dishes from the ground up. In the blue kitchen, egos clashed, but it was Thomas who took over the leadership role, much to the annoyance of Grace. In the red kitchen, with Shane out of the picture, the undermanned red team managed to work together on their creation. When Ramsay tasted the dishes, it was the red team who had the edge, and they were rewarded with a horseback ride through the Santa Monica mountains, along with a scenic picnic with Ramsay himself. Meanwhile, the blue team were punished by cleaning both kitchens and prepping grouper for tomorrow night’s service, and tensions quickly arose between Thomas and the rest of his team.
In service, both teams got off to a slow start on appetizers, but while the blue team managed to right the ship on entrees, the red team sank due to a shocking performance from Deidra on the fish station and Everett’s confusion on garnish. Ramsay declared the blue team as the clear winners, but named Michael the best of the worst and asked him for two nominees from the red team. At elimination, Michael decided to nominate…
Michael: “Deidra.”
And…
Michael: “Everett.”
But Deidra’s meltdown on her supposed best station was the last straw, and with that, her dream of becoming the head chef of Gordon Ramsay Steak in Vancouver, British Columbia came to an end…
https://reddit.com/link/1cpom17/video/3pzlz672iuzc1/player
And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen…
The chefs went back upstairs to the dorms after Deidra’s elimination, with Ramsay’s instructions to the blue team still echoing in their minds. Melody said in her confessional that she liked being on the blue team, and definitely didn’t want to leave Lauren again after they had just been reunited. As the blue team returned to their side of the dorm, Lauren said they should try to work this out as quickly as possible, and the three of them went into the bedroom to discuss it privately. Lauren asked Melody and Thomas what their thoughts were, and Melody said she wanted to stay and continue to prove herself as a leader on the blue team, while Thomas said that he wanted to go back to the red team, as he felt that he could help them get back on track and show Ramsay his leadership qualities in the process. Melody asked Lauren what she was thinking, to which Lauren hesitated. In her confessional, Lauren said that this was a tough decision, as she had already jumped to a new team once, and she felt comfortable working alongside the blue team. Finally, Lauren said that if Thomas wanted to go to the red team, she would support him, to which Melody agreed. Back in the main dorm, Grace said in her confessional that she hoped Thomas would leave so he would stop imposing his will on every challenge and she could start to assert herself as a leader. Meanwhile, Travis was relaxing and trying to keep his mind off his nagging injury, saying in his confessional that it wasn’t going to get any easier, but there was no way he was giving up on his dream.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, the four remaining chefs were in a somber mood after yet another loss in service, and a frustrated Michael said they needed to get their shit together and start winning services again. Everett was still shaken up after his second consecutive nomination, and said in his confessional that he absolutely could not afford any fuck ups in the next service, or it might all be over. Faye tried to assure him though, saying that they would bounce back from this and no one else was going home from the red team from now on. Ramona was also feeling frustrated, as she had only won a single dinner service out of the first ten, and said she was sick and tired of always being on the losing team. Everett agreed that the losing had to stop, but also said Ramona needed to step up and prove why she deserved to have her immunity pass. Ramona defended herself though, saying she had a good service tonight aside from one mistake, while Everett had totally failed on garnish. Faye tried to calm them down, saying they were all frustrated right now and just needed to get some sleep.
And soon afterwards, both teams did finally turn in for the night.
Challenge
The next day, the chefs came downstairs and found Ramsay waiting for them, along with Jon and Christina, and Michael said in his confessional that this had to be a special occasion for the sous chefs to also be present. First, Ramsay pointed out that out of the 20 chefs they had started with, there were now just 10, which meant he was expecting each and every one of them to start standing out as individual leaders, while continuing to be strong team players. With that said though, he reminded the blue team of what he had said last night, and asked Thomas who was going back to the red team. Thomas announced that he had volunteered and gotten everyone else’s agreement, and Ramsay told him to step forward, put his red jacket back on, and rejoin his old team.
With both teams now balanced again at 5 chefs each, Ramsay was ready to announce the challenge, but he started by saying he needed the help of some special guests. As he said this, the door opened to reveal season 2 winner Heather, season 6 winner Dave, and season 12 winner Scott, who each held a large poster displaying dishes which Lauren described in her confessional as looking absolutely delicious, while Melody said in her confessional that it was amazing to be in the presence of so many former winners. Ramsay told the chefs that all of these dishes did not come from a michelin-starred restaurant, but from right here, designed by chefs in previous seasons. Ramsay continued, saying that to celebrate 20 years of Hell’s Kitchen, he was bringing back the classic red vs. blue menu challenge for tonight’s service. To that end, he instructed the chefs to go back to the dorms and take some time to build their menus. Then, they would prepare 2 appetizers and 3 entrees for him. As a further incentive, he revealed that the sous chefs and the three past winners would join him in tasting their dishes and giving feedback, so he urged them to put everything they had into their respective menus.
Back in the dorms, both teams quickly tried to get to the task of designing their menus. On the blue team’s side, Lauren took on the role as the leader, as she asked the team for suggestions for her to write down. Travis said in his confessional that this was a huge deal, as he knew none of them wanted to disappoint Ramsay in front of several former winners, and they had to put their best foot forward with this menu. Early on, Melody began suggesting several ideas, saying they should go for a classical French menu with items such as mussels, beef bourguignon and a creme brulee dessert. Grace became annoyed very quickly and said in her confessional that Melody was just one of those chicks who liked to hear herself talk. Lauren, though, approved of many of her suggestions, and put forward a venison tenderloin as her own contribution. Travis also suggested they should try a flatbread, while Carole suggested a bistro salad. Lauren asked Grace if she had any suggestions, but Grace stood up and grumbled that it looked like the blue team clearly had this under control and walked out. Travis said this was getting ridiculous, while Carole said they could make a lot more progress without Grace anyways.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, it didn’t take long for Thomas to take over the leadership role again, though Faye said it needed to be a group effort. Ramona suggested adding lamb chops, as she felt confident she could work with it given her five star signature dish. Thomas changed it to a rack of lamb with his own garnish, and after getting the approval of the others, added it to the menu, though Ramona was annoyed in her confessional, saying that Thomas wouldn’t let anyone’s ideas stand on their own. Michael wanted to add veal parmigiana, which Thomas said seemed a bit too basic for what Ramsay would be looking for. Michael said in his confessional that it felt like Thomas had just walked in and assumed command of the team, while Thomas said he was simply trying to ensure they had the highest quality food to present to Ramsay and the former winners. While the others tried to toss out ideas, Faye noticed that Everett wasn’t saying much, and noted that he seemed much more quiet than usual, but Everett replied that he simply didn’t feel as confident in putting his own ideas out there. However, he finally suggested adding red snapper, which Thomas said was a great idea, though again, he decided that his ideas could elevate the dish, but Everett said in his confessional that there was no point trying to change his mind. Faye managed to get ribeye added to the menu, while Michael had better luck with his suggestion of a creamy butternut squash risotto.
With both teams having worked out their menus, it was now time for them to return to their respective kitchens and prepare their five dishes for Ramsay’s approval. As the chefs were heading back downstairs, however, Travis suddenly stumbled and cried out in pain, and had to be supported by his teammates the rest of the way down. Travis grimaced as he said it felt like something just snapped, and his ankle felt as if it were on fire. Melody said in her confessional that this was not good at all, and went to find the medic. While Travis was being examined, the blue team entered their kitchen, and Ramsay noticed that they were down a man, asking where Travis was. Carole explained the situation and said he was being checked out by the medic. Ramsay nodded and said while it would obviously be difficult, as their concern was rightfully on Travis’ health, the blue team needed to keep it together and cook to the best of their abilities. However, it was undeniable that the wind had completely gone out of the blue team’s sails, as Lauren said in her confessional that Travis was the level-headed person that had always kept them somewhat even keeled, and made the transition to a new team much easier for her and Melody. Melody tried to encourage the team by saying Travis was coming back and they had to give him a great menu to work with, it was clear that each of them were now feeling extremely anxious about Travis’ future in Hell’s Kitchen.
Outside the kitchen, Travis was being tended to by the medic, who said he would need to go back to the hospital, as the injury had worsened. Travis was close to tears in his confessional, as he said he would do anything not to leave, and knew if he left now, he might never get this opportunity again. Ramsay himself came out of the kitchen to check on him, and Travis pleaded to be allowed to stay, saying he could fight through this, but Ramsay said his health was the priority and he needed immediate treatment, telling him to wait until after service to make a decision on whether or not he wanted to continue. Travis finally accepted Ramsay’s advice and agreed to go to the hospital, saying in his confessional that he was about to make the biggest decision of his life, and the worst part was that he felt completely useless in his current condition.
Back in the red kitchen, the only one who really seemed to feel confident in the menu was Thomas, as he said in his confessional that it was annoying to have his team doubt him after all of the times he had come through in the past, but he was confident that Ramsay would love the food. Ramona said in her confessional that Thomas seemed like a good chef, but his personality made it very difficult to work with him, and she was tired of always having someone push her ideas aside. Meanwhile, Michael was cooking his risotto, saying in his confessional that he had to make this his best risotto yet, and despite his earlier annoyance with Thomas, the two of them still talked back and forth, and Michael joked that he like Thomas better when he was in a good mood, to which Thomas replied that if they won service tonight, he’d be in an even better mood. Everett chimed in, saying the blue team was in for a good old fashioned ass whooping tonight, as he was done playing around, and Michael said that’s exactly what they needed to hear, as he said in his confessional that it was great to have the old Everett back after he had gone quiet during their menu creation. Faye said in her confessional that her ribeye was looking great, and she couldn’t wait to show it to Ramsay.
As the thirty second warning was called out by Ramsay, the chefs began plating their dishes, and brought them to the pass as time expired. With the cooking portion of the challenge complete, Ramsay had some troubling news for everyone, as he pointed out what each of the red team’s members had already noticed, which was that Travis was missing from the blue team. Ramsay said that Travis had been taken to the hospital, and would not be participating in tonight’s service. Faye was stunned, saying in her confessional that she would never have wished something like this on one of her fellow chefs, especially after the way she went out last season. Thomas asked if Travis was alright, which surprised Ramona, as she said she didn’t know he had a heart, and Ramsay answered that it didn’t look good, but there could be no definitive statements made yet. Thomas said in his confessional that they had all made sacrifices to be here, and just because he saw himself as the clear best chef on either team didn’t mean he wanted his competitors to go out due to injury. With all this said, though, Ramsay said the focus right now had to remain on the challenge, and now, it was time for the chefs to present their dishes to him, Jon, Christina, and the three former winners, starting with the blue team, who presented Melody’s mussels, Travis’ onion flatbread, Lauren’s venison tenderloin, Melody’s beef bourguignon, and Carole’s sole meuniére.
Ramsay noted that everything worked well on paper, to which Dave agreed, as he said it looked like the blue team had a plan and executed it, which Lauren admitted should be mostly credited to Melody, who had come up with the concept itself. Ramsay asked what Grace’s contribution was, to which she said that the blue team clearly didn’t value her ideas very much, to which Lauren shot back that she could have had something on the menu if she didn’t storm off. Ramsay ran a hand through his hair in exasperation and said the menu looked more unified than the team at the moment. He then said it was a good start, but the taste was the most important factor. The dishes did get good reviews overall, though Jon pointed out that the presentation on Carole’s sole could use some cleaning up, and Christina cautioned Lauren and Melody on their meat temps, as the venison and beef were slightly dry, but Scott had high praise for the presentation on Melody’s dishes, with Ramsay noting that had been one of her strengths from day one, even if consistently cooking the food to an edible temperature had taken a bit more time. Melody laughed nervously in her confessional, as she said this felt as awkward as having a parent-teacher conference, but Scott said the creativity was definitely there, which got a huge smile from her. Overall, everyone seemed to agree that the menu was tight and cohesive, with Ramsay saying that they just needed to execute where it counted, during service.
Next, it was time for the red team’s menu to be put under scrutiny, and they presented Michael’s butternut squash risotto, Thomas’ lobster ravioli, Thomas and Ramona’s mint crusted rack of lamb, Thomas and Everett’s red snapper with an orange-mango beurre blanc, and Faye’s ribeye. Ramsay said that it all looked delicious, which Christina agreed with, as she said she was proud of the red team and how far they had come. Michael said in his confessional that it was an honor to get such a high compliment from their sous chef, and he hoped she would still feel that way after tasting the food. Thomas was showing some rare nerves in his confessional, as he said his fingerprints were all over this menu, and he knew it was good, but if for whatever reason, Ramsay and the others didn’t like it, the blame would swiftly fall on him. When it came time for reviews, the biggest criticism came on the rack of lamb, as Heather noted that it seemed undercooked, and Ramsay schooled Ramona, saying this was not what he expected at this stage, especially since she had cooked lamb better than that on day one. Dave also pointed out that the presentation of the snapper dish needed a lot of work, as it didn’t look as appetizing as it could have. However, the ravioli was praised as being restaurant quality, while Christina loved the flavor in Faye’s ribeye, and Jon said Michael’s risotto was one of the best he’d ever tasted, to which Ramsay agreed. Ramsay concluded that the menu was up and down, but had potential, and told them to make the necessary adjustments.
Ramsay thanked the former winners for coming back to help him critique the menus, and said he looked forward to seeing them tonight in service, which got all of the chefs’ attention, as Lauren said getting to serve their own dishes to former champions was all the motivation they could ever have needed.
Pre-Service
Now that the menus had been tested out, Ramsay told the chefs it was time to start prepping the kitchens and familiarizing themselves with their menus, as he was expecting an amazing service from each team tonight.
In the blue kitchen, Melody said in her confessional that it was tough to concentrate when Travis’ absence was the clear elephant in the room, and she was just hoping he would be okay and they could win this service for him. Grace, on the other hand, said in her confessional that while she wasn't actively rooting for injuries, she was here for one reason and one reason only, to win, and she wasn’t about to get all weepy and sentimental over a competitor leaving. Carole seemed more nervous than usual, and Melody checked in with her, as she said that she felt like she had been struggling in the past few services, but Melody said they had to keep their heads in the game right now. Lauren said in her confessional that this was her time to step up as the leader of a demoralized team and show Ramsay that she had what it took to become his executive chef, and with their own food on the menu, there were absolutely no excuses for failure.
In the red kitchen, Thomas was annoyed that Ramona and Everett had made such basic mistakes in the menu tasting and made perfectly good dishes look subpar, but he was determined to lead the red team to victory tonight. Michael said they had to win this one with the blue team being a man down, and Ramona said in her confessional that she was going to have a perfect service tonight, no matter what station she was on, as it was the only way to avoid being nominated. Everett was also eager to avoid nomination, as he had gone up two nights in a row, and knew he couldn’t afford to fuck this up, not when it was a menu they had created themselves. Faye said in her confessional that Michael, Thomas and herself definitely seemed like the top contenders right now on the red team, and hoped that Ramona and Everett could put their inconsistencies aside and step it up. Ramona ended up asking Faye for advice, as she felt like Thomas had something against her, but Faye said it was only going to get more cutthroat from now on, as this was uncharted water even for her.
Ramsay gathered the chefs one more time and reminded them that it may be their menus, but it was still his standard, and he was not going to put up with any bullshit. With that said, he told them that they were all still here for a reason, and now it was time for them to show him, then, he turned to Marino and told him to open Hell’s Kitchen for Red vs. Blue Menu night.
Dinner Service
Diners streamed through the doors for the 11th Hell’s Kitchen service of season 24 for a very special event, as the red and blue teams’ menus would be competing against each other for the first time in ten years. As guests took their seats, including three very special guests - the former winners and their families - it wasn’t long before orders began to enter the kitchen, and it soon became clear which menu had the early edge in popularity, as all of the tickets were for the blue team.
With their menu getting all the early attention, it was up to Lauren on appetizers and Melody on fish to get the blue team off to a great start, while Grace was on garnish and Carole was on meat. With one chef on each section, Lauren said there was nowhere to hide, and it was time for each of them to put up or shut up. Lauren had no problems early on with Travis’ flatbread dish, as she was able to get her first table accepted, and said in her confessional that this one was for him. She was also able to communicate well with Melody on fish, who also had no issues serving the first table of mussels. Grace on garnish said she was here to show out and kick everyone’s ass, regardless of team, as she was still pissed off about being left without any dishes on the menu. Her first table of salads though, was overly watery, and Ramsay said he did not expect that from her when she had made better salads than that weeks ago. Grace was able to bounce back though, and appetizers continued to be smooth sailing for the blue team, although Lauren said in her confessional that having the more popular menu also meant a greater workload, but she was confident that she and Melody could handle this. Sure enough, with their excellent communication and teamwork, appetizers were flying out of the kitchen at a steady pace, and a very important guest, season 2 winner Heather, was seen enjoying her meal. Melody said in her confessional that she was very impressed with Lauren’s leadership, as she really seemed to have things under control on apps. Soon, the blue team was ready to get started on entrees.
In the red kitchen, Faye was on appetizers, Ramona was on fish, Thomas was on garnish, and Everett was with Michael on meat. Unfortunately, their menu was not turning out to be as popular as they had hoped, as they had to wait for several minutes after the blue team to get their first ticket, and Thomas said in his confessional that this was just getting embarrassing. Finally though, orders did begin to stream into the red kitchen, and early on, Faye and Ramona communicated well between their sections, as Faye noted in her confessional that Ramona was really speaking up and sounding confident for the first time, which she was proud of, and they were able to successfully deliver their first table of risotto and lobster ravioli. Ramona said in her confessional that nothing was going to stop her tonight, as she had to prove why she belonged in the top 9. Both did have some stumbles though, as Ramona didn’t make enough ravioli for a table, and had to be asked by Ramsay if she knew how to count, while Faye sent up a bland risotto, and was schooled by Ramsay, as this was a Hell’s Kitchen staple. Faye kicked herself in her confessional, saying these little mistakes added up in Ramsay’s mind, and she couldn’t let them affect her. Faye and Ramona were able to recover though, and it wasn’t long before food once again began to leave the kitchen to very satisfied diners, including season 12 winner Scott. With both kitchens still neck and neck, the red team was now ready to get started on entrees,
Back in the blue kitchen, the focus shifted the Carole on meat to keep the blue team’s momentum going, Carole was nervous in her confessional as these were new menu items, but knew she needed to deliver a strong performance to keep herself from falling behind. Unfortunately, the issues would begin as early as the first table, as Grace called out inconsistent times from garnish which threw off both Melody and Carole, and Ramsay demanded to know when exactly the food was going to start coming out. Once they finally brought their dishes to the pass, Carole’s beef was rejected for being chewy and inedible, and Grace said in her confessional that Carole seriously needed to either get a grip or get the hell out of here. While Carole was able to recover and the first table eventually went out, progress continued to be sluggish as Grace was not talking to her team and rushed garnishes to the pass, which led to Melody bringing up undercooked sole, and she expressed frustration in her confessional with Grace not being a team player. With the kitchen still moving slowly, Ramsay called out for the venison and got no response from Carole, much to his frustration. Melody was able to calm Carole down temporarily and the two of them managed to finally get their sole and venison to the pass. Ramsay now called out for the garnish, saying the ticket was dying, only to receive soggy, burnt vegetables from Grace, and he demanded to know if that was really her best. Lauren said in her confessional that Grace was absolutely sinking the service right now, and decided to try to help her out on garnish, but Grace said she had things under control, saying in her confessional that Lauren just needed to leave her alone, but Lauren said Grace clearly needed the help, and with the kitchen still stalled, Ramsay had enough and took everyone into the pantry, asking them what the fuck they were doing. Carole explained that Grace wasn’t talking to anyone, while Grace said that Carole was supposed to be driving the tickets from meat, and she went silent on them. Ramsay was pissed and told them to get it figured out, and quickly, because this was absolutely unacceptable.
While the blue team struggled through entrees, the red team hoped that Everett and Michael would propel them to victory from the meat station. Everett said in his confessional that this was redemption night, and he needed to have his best service yet to earn back Ramsay’s respect. On the first table, though, both Everett and Michael had issues as Michael served rare ribeye, while Everett’s lamb was undercooked and poorly sliced. Thomas said in his confessional that the red team could not afford to be having these struggles at this point, and the meat stations needed to get their shit together immediately. Fortunately, both Michael and Everett were able to recover and, along with Ramona, get their first table out. Ramona did serve raw snapper, which got her schooled by Ramsay, but she was able to bounce back quickly. From then on, entrees began to flow out into the dining room, with Ramona continuing to be more vocal from fish, while Thomas kept everyone on schedule from garnish. With the orders for the red team still lagging behind those from the blue team, Ramsay became annoyed with Everett dragging on his lamb, but with Michael’s help, they were able to avoid it becoming a larger issue, and Everett was able to serve beautifully cooked lamb, with Ramsay saying he wanted it to be like that every single time. Everett said in his confessional that he had no intentions of stopping, and a fire had definitely been lit under him tonight. With Michael, Everett, Thomas and Ramona all working in sync with each other, the red team was able to push out entrees and complete a very solid service, with several guests seen enjoying their meal, including Scott
While the red team started to pull ahead on entrees, the blue team were in the pantry trying to sort out their issues. Melody told Grace and Carole that they needed to be more vocal, and that Grace needed to accept Lauren’s help. Lauren agreed and said they weren’t cooking like a team right now. With Carole promising to try to do better, and Grace throwing her hands up and saying she would do whatever would help the team win, the blue team finally emerged from the pantry and resumed working on entrees. With Lauren helping out on garnish, communication finally improved, but Grace still managed to serve bland, watery puree, while Carole had problems getting the temperature right on her venison, as it was overcooked on the first attempt, and “still moving” on the second attempt, as she said in her confessional that this service had been an absolute nightmare for her, and she had a feeling she could be going home tonight. However, they were finally able to serve acceptable dishes along with Melody’s sole, and the blue team eventually managed to serve the rest of their entrees and complete service behind the red team, with Heather and Dave seen enjoying their food in the dining room, but Ramsay said that was more painful that a fucking root canal.
Post-Mortem
Ramsay had the teams line up and said tonight was all about these chefs, the supposed best half of the field, proving that they could build and serve their own menus, and that was why, after the strong start both teams had on appetizers, he was deeply disappointed in the fall from grace, which he pointed out was a very appropriate choice of words, from the blue team, as he still wanted to know where the fuck the communication was on entrees, ans wondered if Travis had really been the one holding them together all this time. With that said, there was one team who did justice to their own menu, and that was the red team, who were declared the winners of Red vs. Blue Menu Night. Ramsay then told the blue team to go back to the dorms and think very hard about the two people they wanted to nominate for elimination after that embarrassing performance. With that, he told them to piss off.
Back in the dorms, the decision seemed simple for the blue team at first, with Lauren saying that Grace was a disaster on garnish, and refused to talk to anyone. Carole agreed and said it was clear she was only looking out for herself at the team’s expense. Grace shot back that she had to look out for herself, as it was obvious that everyone else here wanted her gone. Melody told Grace to stop putting words in their mouths, as she had been nothing but supportive, but Grace said she was voting for Melody due to being fake and overly inconsistent. Lauren asked if everyone else agreed to nominating Grace, to which they did, and Grace angrily said in her confessional that they could each go fuck themselves for all she cared. For the second nominee, Lauren and Melody agreed that Carole’s performance in service was the weakest, as she had struggled to get meat temperatures right. Carole tried to defend herself by saying she had been more consistent throughout the season than Melody, and simply based on the process of elimination, would have to nominate Melody due to her up and down performances. Melody was annoyed with this, as she said she had been doing her best, and despite her terrible last service with the red team, felt herself getting stronger and more confident with each passing day.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, Michael was pumped up to finally be back on the winning team in service, which he celebrated with Faye, while Everett was relieved that even though he didn’t have a perfect service, he delivered when it counted and helped his team win. Thomas said in his confessional that he did nothing but win, and after turning around both the blue team and red team, he was sure Ramsay was taking notice of his leadership abilities. Ramona went over to chat with Everett, with the two of them being excited to still be here, with Ramona saying she and Everett were definitely the most vulnerable ones here, and they needed to stick together, especially since Thomas would push for them to go out as soon as they lost. Everett said in his confessional that Ramona was a feisty chef, which he admired, though he was worried about the fact that she still had her immunity pass, and if it came down to the two of them, she had a get out of jail free card, while he would be screwed. Even so, he agreed that they should watch each other’s backs.
Elimination Ceremony
The four person blue team entered the dining room, and as they stood before Ramsay, it was clear that the nerves of the competition were starting to get to them. Ramsay said they were down to the best 10, and this had been their own menu, and the more popular one, no less. There should have been no excuses for such a disastrous service. He did concede, though, the fact that the stress of losing their teammate before service may have played a role in throwing them off their game, and that was why he wanted to let Travis tell them how he was doing. With that, the door opened, and Travis entered the dining room, supporting himself with crutches, which drew some shocked silent reactions from his teammates. Ramsay asked Travis what he had been told at the hospital, to which Travis replied that his ankle was in much worse shape now, and it would take an extended period of time to heal. Ramsay sighed, as he told Travis that they both knew what this meant, and Travis nodded, as he appeared to be fighting back tears, and said he would not be staying in Hell’s Kitchen.
Melancholy music
Ramsay: “I don’t say this lightly, young man, and I sincerely mean it: you could have won this competition. I’m very sorry you won’t be able to go on. And I wish you all the best with your recovery and future in the industry.”
Travis: “Thank you for everything, chef, I really can’t thank you enough for this. It’s been the experience of a lifetime.”
Ramsay: “Thank you, Travis. Keep the jacket, you earned it, and keep your eyes and ears open, because the next voice on the phone could be mine. Please, take care, and get well soon.”
With that, Ramsay and Travis shook hands, and Travis exchanged a goodbye with his team as Ramsay opened the door for him.
Travis’ comment
“It’s so fucking hard to walk away from a competition that you know you could have won, for reasons completely out of your control. I pushed my body and mind to the limit in Hell’s Kitchen, and for whatever reason, my body just couldn’t handle it. I’d give anything to go back and change that one step, but it’s over now. I guess all I can do is try to ignore the what if’s and remember all the good that came from this…but dammit man, it’s a big “what if?” and it hurts. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t.”

With Travis’ tragic withdrawal, Ramsay announced that the man who just walked out of those doors was far from the weakest chef here, and that was why Ramsay announced that he was not done, and still needed to hear from the blue team.
Dramatic music
Ramsay asked Lauren for the blue team’s first nominee and why. Lauren announced that the team had unanimously voted for Grace, due to her attitude constantly bringing the team down and poor performance on garnish. Ramsay asked for the second nominee and why. Lauren hesitated, and announced that…the blue team had not been able to reach a consensus on the second nominee, as they were split between Carole and Melody. Ramsay was pissed, as he said even in the dorms, the blue team still couldn’t fucking communicate as a team. Finally though, he told Grace, Carole and Melody to all step forward, and started by asking Melody why she should stay in Hell’s Kitchen.
Melody: I’ve had some low points, chef, I fully admit that, but ever since I joined the blue team, I feel like I’ve just been getting stronger. I have confidence now that I didn’t have when I first got here. I know I’m a good chef, and I try my best to help the team whenever and however I can.”
Ramsay paused for a moment to consider her words, then said that he agreed completely, and sent her back in line, much to her relief as she shared a quick hug with Lauren. Ramsay then moved to Carole, asking her to explain why she was getting worse and less visible the longer the competition went on.
Carole: “Chef, I do feel like I get pushed around sometimes by my team-”
Ramsay: “Well push back then! For god’s sake, young lady. You have to act like you want this!”
Carole: “I do want this, chef! I want to be the head chef of Gordon Ramsay Steak, I know I have the experience and the talent to run it, I just need to start showing you.”
Ramsay said she needed to start showing him weeks ago, and he was running out of patience. Finally, he moved on to Grace, asking her really, truly, why she should stay in Hell’s Kitchen when her team was desperate to get rid of her?
Grace: “Well chef, I think the reason they’re so desperate is because they know I’m strong, I have leadership qualities, and they want to get rid of the competition. I think it’s as simple as that.”
Ramsay said he was getting tired of all the bullshit in the blue team, and demanded to know when she was going to start talking to her teammates. Grace responded that if they gave her a chance to lead, he would see just how talented she was.
Ramsay sighed in frustration, as he said that both of them deserved to go home on the back of tonight’s performance, but with that said…
Ramsay: “My decision is…”

Ramsay: “Carole.”
Elimination music
Ramsay: “You’ve gone invisible, it’s like the competition is too big for you. But…I know you can cook, that’s why I’m giving you another chance. I need to start seeing some leadership, I need to hear your voice. Get back in line.”
Dramatic music
As Carole gratefully returned to the blue team, Ramsay turned to Grace.
Ramsay: “Step forward, young lady, and listen very carefully to me…This. Is. It. No more bullshit, show me that you can work with your team, or get out of here. Back in line.”
Ramsay confirmed that no one else was going home tonight, as he said both Carole and Grace were very lucky that Travis had been unable to continue, and told them to take advantage of this second chance and show him something in the next service. With that, he told everyone to get back to the dorms and get some sleep.
As the chefs exited, several of them had confessionals. Lauren said it sucked that they had lost Travis instead of Grace, as their team was now much worse off. Grace said that she was still here and all these bitches better watch out, because she was going to outlast them one by one. Thomas said that the blue team was a clusterfuck as long as Grace was there, and while he felt sorry for Lauren, it shouldn’t be too difficult for the red team to rack up some wins. Faye said it was devastating to see Travis go out the way he did, and it just went to show how quickly it could all end.
Placement
https://preview.redd.it/vavpr72whuzc1.png?width=2511&format=png&auto=webp&s=4df58b9489a9874a7275e748d1589aae9e688cd3