Es un retrato de rosas o de cualquier otra flor, de chocolate, de pastel —bueno, un tipo de amor— de regalos que se compran en un almacén. Es también una cena en la luz de una vela como oscureciendo el crepúsculo en la noche de los muertos.
Fuente: Soy, p. 11

Not shared, nor my shade; but something to be weaved; just as the measure of disappointment became it's own solution. But I talked my way through things forbidden, just to find myself blind in bed with those who are dead. Clumsy, but altogether natural of course, because it's consciousness what you refer in the description, yet that's what we don't get a lot about. See your deeds the way you are seen, and then return to a restless place: and the question in-between sheets will be why. Well, I just can't motivate myself to work without hot bitches staring. And that's the truth. Sad but True
— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
But the feathers of old words, layed on the ground, for common folk now knew by the light of the storm their meanings — and horrified, they waged war on each other, killing each other, and seeking revenge on each other. Thus the bird of Britain dragged further into the ground, screaming and flapping
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <> and the second one was <>. I was admired.
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.

• Hol’ up cowboy ! you wan’t to bang my bird ass when you should be banging a bitch ass. What happened with Tyrone huckleberry? Did you managed to make him as impotent as you are right now? —I held steady my hand; and tired, the tempation to pull again the trigger on the bird was growing larger. I saw red roses in my own sight, making a terrible omen for a migraine forthcoming. Said nothing.

— The glowniggers are out there brah. You may not be a hacker – and its true, but i took notice of your last words: so now the glowies are going to instead dreambooth* people into every posible kind of scenario of extorsion, while they surveil like a motherfucker. Like you dream boothed yourself for your little ahem "art project". Then we will use Suno*, then Sora* when it open sources. Are you going to protect your hoes?
Said nothing.

• Alright cowboy, i will give meaning to that revelations verse. What was it? Ah yes. Revelations 9:6. Every single person with an internet history will be as paranoid as you were in 2020. Everyone will be diffamated into acts of political terrorism! Aren’t you am-

And as i pulled the imaginary trigger from the imaginary pistol, an imaginary arrow in the sky descended with a blaze of not so imaginary flames on the Bird of Britain, engulfing the little shit in heat, and making it’s body explode into a gore of scorched viscera. As if the bird was in a microwave oven. I inmediately gasped as the explosion was too close from where i was sitting - after the conmotion, stared at the red and burned stain in the floor, and left my sight rest there, as sleep finally found its way into my restless thoughts.
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.

Oh joven Li, aun estas tan lejos de todo lo que has amado, aun estas tan cerca de todo tu dolor. ¿Cuando sera el dia que te des cuenta lo tanto que has llorado?, te he visto destrozado hasta rendirte, tu brillo titila entre la oscuridad de sus palabras, tu voz temblorosa gimotea al buscar consuelo, eres tan imprudente como para mostrarte débil, pero aun asi vives, y viviras hasta que las estrellas se apaguen, un brillo como el tuyo lo es todo en este trastornado mundo, uno que no tiene el amor, y amor no queda.

M20 e estou em uma jornada de amor próprio há muito tempo, tive dois relacionamentos sendo um deles extremamente tóxico que alterou a química do meu cérebro. Sofri vários abusos físicos e psicológicos, quando finalmente consegue terminar sofri perseguição e ameaças do meu ex que se fez de coitadinho. Atualmente estou namorando há um 1 ano e amo meu relacionamento atual, meu parceiro é um sonho de pessoa e sempre me motiva a melhorar, umas das melhorias foi pensar na faculdade. (a mesma que ele faz) Meu problema é que não me sinto suficiente pra passar e por conta dessa insegurança me vejo presa em um ciclo de procrastinação. Além de que detesto falar disso com meu namorado por ele ficar abalado e não saber muito como ajudar! Tem dias que eu tenho confiança mas na grande parte só me sinto muito covarde e inútil, eu fiz dois anos de terapia e fui diagnosticada com ansiedade e traços depressivos (basicamente quando eu me afundo demora muito pra voltar ao normal)

Hi all! Help me clear out my life of backups and samples I'll never use. Hopefully you'll find a new HG or something you've always wanted to try in my stash. I've priced everything to sell and do feel the prices are fair and low but of course I'm willing to bundle. The prices are based off what I actually paid for the products, not the retail price. I buy most things on sale and you'll get a discount on top of what I paid.

• Shipping is $5 for 4oz, $10 flat for anything over 1lb
• My home is smoke free home in CA. I have a dog that has no access to my room where my makeup and skincare is stored
• Payment via paypal goods and services. I cover fees
• I will only ship to the address on file with paypal, so please make sure your shipping address is correct when paying.
• First come, first serve. I'll hold request for 2hrs and then move on to the next in line
• $6 minimum per order

Makeup

Eyeshadow Verification: https://imgur.com/a/EEtDTYL

• Colourpop You Had Me At Hello (Used 1-2x) $10
• Bobbi Brown Long Wear Cream Eyeshadow Stick Dusty Mauve & Golden Pink (BNIB) (FS $16, MS $8)
• MAC Paints Bamboom (BNIB) $7
• MAC Eyeshadow All that Glitters (BNIB) $8
• Bare Minerals Gen Nude Eyeshadow Palette Rose (Used x2) $10
• Too Faced Better Than Chocolate (BNIB) $15
• Smashbox Covershot Ablaze Eyeshadow Palette (BN) $10
• Colourpop Sorbet Eyeshadow (Used x2) $4
• Clarins Palette 4 Couleurs 2 Rosewood (Used x2) $13
• Makeup by Mario Glam Quads Party Glam, Bronzey Glam & Rosey Glam (swatched) $8 each or $20 for 3
• Colourpop Colourstix Warm Up (Swatched x2) $3
• Eyeko Double Stack Eyeshadow Stick Dusk/Dawn (BINB plus sharpener) $4
• Bobbi Brown Rich Color Eye Shadow Royale 8 (Light Useage) $5
• MAC Single Eyeshadows Twink x2 (BNIP) $4 each
• Catrice Liquid Metal Eyeshadow Mauves like Jagger, We are the Champagnes & Under Treasure (light use) $6 for all 3

Base Products Verification: https://imgur.com/a/YB476xo

• Bobbi Brown Vitamin Enriched Face Base mini .24oz $8
• Becca Light Catcher Finishing Veil 01 Scattering (BNIB) $8
• Covergirl Clean Fresh Skin Milk 340 Light (BN) $5
• Georgette Klinger Marula Primer (BN) $5
• Too Faced Born This Way Powder Translucent (BNIB) $11
• Makeup Forever Mist & Fix Hydrating Setting Spray mini 1oz (BNIB) $6

Blush/HighlighteBronzer Verification: https://imgur.com/a/jhbuklM

• Natasha Denona All Over Glow 1 Light (Swatched x1) $10
• Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer Park Avenue Princess (Lightly Used) $8
• Benefit Dandelion Twinkle Highlighter mini (BN) $9
• Milani Baked Blush Belle Amore (Swatched x1) $6
• Wet n Wild Pac Man Power Pellets Blushlighter (Swatched x1) $4
• NYX Matte Bronzer Medium (Swatched x1) $5
• Sleek Blushes Pixie Pink (Swatched x1) $4
• Grande Glow Plumping Liquid Highlighter (BN) $5
• Laritzy Cosmetics Cream Highlighter Virtue (BNIB) $4
• The Beauty Crop Blush Duo Mauve-lous (BNIB) $3
• Topshop Cream Blushes Flush (Light usage) $2 or free with purchase of 2 or more items
• Ciate Bamboo Bronzer Palm Island (Swatched x1) $5

Eyeliners/Mascaras/Brows Verification: https://imgur.com/a/RmvE8EM

• Sephora Retractable Brow Pencil 05 Neutral Grey Brown (BNIP) $9
• Makeup Forever Brow Gel (BNIB) $5
• Tynt Smokey Eye Pencil Pinot Noir (BNIB) $3
• Mally Beauty Gel Waterproof Eyeliner Onyx (BNIB) $3
• Ciate Fierce Flicks Precise Pro Tip Liquid Liner Black (BNIB) $5
• Clinique Quickliner deluxe size (BN) $3
• Clinique High Impact Mascara full size (BN) $8
• Tarte Maneater Mascara Black (BNIB) $9
• Wander Beauty Upgraded Lashes Treatment Mascara (BN) $8
• Too Face Damn Girl Mascara Travel Size (BNIB) $5
• Tynt Brow Definer Brunette (BNIP) $2
• Tori Belle Cosmetics Magnetic Eyeliner and lashes (BNIB) $5

Lips Verification: https://imgur.com/a/3Kgc3YS

• Lancome Juicy Tubes 02 Spring Fling & 07 Magic Spell (BNIB) $10 each
• Patrick Starrr Lip Snatcher Lip Liner Outta Line (BN) sold
• MAC Love Me Lipstick Under the Covers (BNIB) $9
• MAC Lip Pencil Subculture (BNIB) $10
• Clinique Chubby Stick melon (BNIB) $7
• Bobbi Brown Crushed Lip Color Angel, Cranberry, Sunset & Grenadine (BNIB) $14 each
• Bobbi Brown Luxe Lip Color Mini Neutral Rose (BNIB) $7
• Bobbi Brown Crushed Lip Gloss Free Spirit (BN) $14
• Laura Mercier Creme Smooth Lip Color Palm Beach (Swatched x1) $6
• Anastasia Matte Lipstick deluxe size Dead Roses (BNIB) $3
• Visee Lip Oil 002 Hold Me (BNIB) $9
• Nars Lip Gloss mini Priscilla (BN) $2
• Saint Luxe Lip Liner Duo (BNIB) Free with Purchase
• True Lucsious Super Moisture Lipstick Vintage Rose (BNIB) Free with Purchase
• Laura Geller Color Lustre Lip Gloss (BN) $5

Skincare Verification: https://imgur.com/a/TfQlafY

• Estee Lauder Revitalizing Supreme+ Moisturizer and Youth Power Soft Creme 2.5oz (BNIB) $45
• Origins Charcoal Face Mask (BN) $10
• I'm From Rice Mask (BNIB Exp 12/25) FS $15, minis $4 each
• Klairs Freshly Juiced Vitamin E Mask (BNIB Exp 6/25) $4
• Charlotte Tilbury Magic Cream .5oz (BNIB) $15
• Paula's Choice Hyaluronic Acid + Peptide Lip Booster (BNIB) $14
• Innisfree Pore Clearing Clay Mask (BNIB) $8
• Saturday Skin Yuzu Vitamin C Bright Eye Cream (BNIB) $15
• Kate Somerville Goat Milk Moisturizing Cream (BNIB) $15
• Klairs Midnight Blue Calming Cream (BNIB Exp 2/25) $20
• 111Skin Rose Gold Radiance Booster (BNIB) $18
• Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Eye Concentrate Matrix (BNIB) $25
• I'm From Pear Serum (BNIB Exp 9/24) $18
• Rovectin Skin Essentials Activating Treatment Lotion (BNIB Exp 10/23) $10
• Wishtrend Quad Active Boosting Essence (BNIB Exp 12/23) $12
• Mudmask Eye Cream (BN) $11
• MudMask Blue Clay Mask (BN) $5
• Alpha H Liquid Gold 100ml (BNIB) $17
• Clinique Moisture Surge 2.5 oz (BNIB) $25
• Shani Darden Retinol Reform 10ml (BNIB) $6
• Biossance Squalane Marine Algae Eye Cream (BNIB) $15
• Tower 28 SOS Daily Rescue Spray 1oz (BN) $5
• Fenty Beauty Total Cleansr Makeup Removing Cleanser Mini 1.5oz (BN) $4
• Dermelect Self Esteem Beauty Sleep Serum (BNIB) $9
• AHC Essential Real Eye Cream for Face (BNIB) $8
• 111 Skin Nocturnal Eclipse Recovery Cream Mini .5oz (BNIB) $5
• Akar Restore Eye Serum (BNIB) $16
• Barbor Hydra Plus Hydration Ampoule Concentrates (BNIB) $10
• Derma E Advanced Peptides & Collagen Serum .5oz (BNIB) $8
• Symbiosis London Tightening and Replenishing Eye Mask (BN) $10
• The Body Shop Drops of Youth Liquid Peel (BNIB) $8
• French Girl La FLore Botanical Serum (BNIB) $6
• Good Molecules Niacinamide Serum (BNIB) $3
• Ulta Skincare Watermelon Refresh Sleeping Mask (BNIB) $4
• Exuviance Sample Bundle: $8
  • Deep Clean AHA Cleanser
  • Glycolic Expert Moisturizer
  • A.G.E. Less Everyday Moisturizer
  • Overnight Transforming Complex
• Peach and Lily Sample Bundle: $15
  • Glass skin face polisher
  • Glass skin refining serum
  • KP Bump Boss Microderm Body Serum
  • KP Bump Boss Smooth Body Lotion
  • Power Calm Hydrating Gel Cleanser 1oz
  • Match Pudding Antioxidant Cream .84oz
• Acne Sample Bundle: $10
  • Cerave Foaming Facial Cleanser
  • Origins Checks and Balances
  • Proactive Green Tea Moisturizer
  • Sephora Clean SKin Gel
  • Vichy Acne Control Daily Moisturizer
  • Purity Pore Extractor Clay Mask
  • Ulta Pore Strips (8pack)
  • Thayers Witch Hazel Facial Toner
• Anti-Aging Sample Bundle: $10
  • L'Oreal Age Perfect Midnight Serum
  • Keys Let Me Glow Illuminating Serum
  • Lancome Genifique
  • Shiseido Benefiance Eye Cream
  • Tony Moly Plump-kin Retinol Eye Cream
  • Bare Minerals Skinlongevity Serum
  • Pat Mcgrath Divine Skin The Essencw
  • Love Wellness Call Me Collagen x2
• Lux Sample Bundle $10
  • Estee Lauder Nutritious Melting Soft Mask
  • Peter Thomas Roth Ultimate Solution 5 Multitasking Moisturizer
  • Fresh Black Tea Age Renewal Cream
  • Sunday Riley Afterglow
  • Perricone MD Growth Factor Firming & Lifting Serum
  • Dermalogica Biolumin-C Serum
  • Dior Dream Skin Skin Perfector
• Moisturizer Sample Bundle $10
  • Ulta Beauty Honey Miel Peel Off Mask
  • It Cosmetics Confidence in a Cream x3
  • Vichy Normaderm BHA Exfoliating Serum
  • Proactiv Renewing Cleanser
  • Philosophy Purity Clay Mask
  • Vichy Liftactiv B3 Serum
  • Mario Badescue Facial Spray with Aloe Herbs and Rosewater
  • Belif The true Cream Moisturizing Bomb
  • Kylie Skin Face Moisturizer
  • Clinique Dramatically Different Hydrating Jelly
  • N07 Future Renew Damage Reversal Serum

Other Verification: https://imgur.com/a/jgUpId

• Eyeko Eyelash Curler (BNIB) $5
• Bobbi Brown Eye Blender Brush (BNIP) $9
• L'Occitane Hand Cream 1oz (BN) $5
• Body Care Sampler $12
  • Mario Badescu Coconut Body Butter
  • Mario Badescu Coconut Body Scrub
  • Dionis Goat Milk Body Lotion
  • Dionis Hand & Body Goat Milk Cream
  • Crepe Erase Body Firm
  • Hempz Body Moisturizer Ocean Breeze
  • Mega Babe Space Bar Detoxifying Underarm Bar x2
  • Osea Undaria Cleansing Body Polish
  • Crepe Erase Body Smooth Pre Treatment
  • Ulta Beauty Coconut Cream Scented Body Lotion
• Perfume Deluxe Size Bundle 5 for $25
  • Victor and Rolf Good Fortune
  • Commodity Paper
  • Ralph Lauren Ralph's Club
  • Armani Aqua di Gioia
  • Lancome Idole
• Burberry Her Eau de Parfum 1.0oz + Deluxe size dabber (BNIB) $50
• Moschino Fresh Couture Eau De Toilette 1.7oz (Sprayed x2) $30
• Clinique Happy Perfume 1.0oz (BNIB) $20
• Maison Margiela Replica Springtime in a Park 3.4oz (BNIB) $60
• Maison Margiela Replica On a Date .34oz (BNIB) $15
• Mugler Alien Goddess Supra Floral .34oz (BNIB) $11

ISO List:- Try me on Suqqu Eyeshadows and Blushes- Charlotte Tilbury Eyeshadows

Superman está volando alrededor de la ciudad, excitado como los mil demonios. Entonces ve a la Mujer Maravilla, recostada. desnuda y con las piernas abiertas, en el techo de un edificio. La ve y piensa "¡Esta es mi oportunidad!" y baja rápido, más rápido que una bala y le hace el amor duro y profundo y se va en un parpadeo. La Mujer Maravilla se sienta y dice "¿Que diablos fue eso?" El Hombre Invisible se quita de encima y dice "¡No tengo idea pero mi ano me duele!

Amigos ando re mal con mi pareja, me pidió un tiempo y yo manejo terrible apego ansioso, todo pinta que vamos a terminar y me siento terrible, expectante Estoy llevando la situación apoyándome en mis amigos, en ansioliticos y dormir pero realmente no tengo ganas de hacer nada, me está costando hasta trabajar Tirenme algún consejo, realmente cada vez que termino una relación se me termina el mundo, tengo mambos depresivos muy severos y afina todo lo demás, toy re triste

Já fazem alguns anos que eu (H,18) sofro com problemas de confiança e "isolamento psicológico", por assim dizer, por conta da minha família. Não foram poucas as vezes em que fui negligenciado em diversas áreas da minha vida, seja em me relacionar com outras pessoas, me divertir com coisas que gosto ou simplesmente aproveitar meu tempo sozinho descansando. O que me fez tomar a decisão de me fechar e não me abrir tanto com as pessoas perto de mim por medo de me machucar. Não os culpo pelo que fizeram, porém, depois do incidente de hoje mais cedo, decidi não confiar mais na minha família e, principalmente, na minha mãe. Eu e minha namorada (M,19) já conversamos algumas vezes sobre conflitos que tivemos e nos resolvemos de forma natural e saudável. E graças a isso, me senti mais confiante em tentar me abrir com meus pais, que já vinham reclamando que sou muito fechado e pareço não estar ali com eles mesmo quando estou presente. Mesmo tendo em mente o histórico da minha mãe de falar pelos cotovelos e mentir descontroladamente, eu tinha esperanças de que ela não julgaria minha namorada e tentaria entender nossos lados e me dar o apoio que eu buscava dela. Muitas vezes em que tentei falar com minha mãe sobre meu relacionamento, ela fazia comentários negativos e tentava me colocar contra minha namorada. Mas, como previsto, ela tentou novamente me colocar contra minha namorada. Usando tanto de comentários ofensivos, quanto tentando me convencer de que eu deveria estar contra ela. E de bônus mencionar que eu estaria melhor com minha ex.
No dia após essa conversa que tivemos, minha namorada e eu resolvemos ficar em casa e nos preparar pra passar o dia juntos, cozinhando, limpando e nos divertindo muito no processo. Como a casa da minha mãe é perto da minha, resolvi aproveitar e ir lá pegar alguns temperos e cebolas que faltaram na nossa receita.
(Vale ressaltar que minha casa fica no mesmo terreno que a casa da minha mãe, então, ficam frente a frente uma da outra.)
Ao entrar na casa, me deparo com minha mãe e avó falando como eu e minha namorada nunca conseguiríamos ficar juntos, como nós dois somos pessoas ruins e deixando muito claro que eu estou me fazendo de bonzinho pra me aproveitar da minha namorada, como se eu fosse dar bote nela depois de conseguir o que eu queria. O que mais me machucou nos comentários foi ver minha própria mãe falando de mim como se eu fosse um monstro interesseiro que só vai usar as pessoas ao meu redor por puro benefício próprio.
Contei pra minha namorada sobre o que ouvi, e a mesma decidiu que não queria mais ficar lá por se sentir desconfortável e triste em estar perto de alguém que não gosta dela e fala mal pelas costas, mas que mesmo assim tenta puxar assunto depois como se não tivesse feito nada.
Falei pra minha mãe e recebi como resposta algumas ofensas e gritos, mas sem nem um pingo sequer de culpa.
A última coisa que eu disse, deixando claro que eu disse com muita calma e respeito, foi que eu não confiava mais nela, e não contaria mais nada que não fosse estritamente necessário que ela soubesse.
Entendo que fui rude, mas, fui tão babaca assim?

Prometi amor eterno ao meu ex namorado na época em que namorávamos, e agora que ele me traiu e nos afastamos, eu não dou certo com absolutamente ninguém. Magoou todo mundo, ou sempre sou magoada. E eu realmente não quero tentar ter um namoro sabendo que o que a pessoa sente por mim é momentâneo. Demorou tanto tempo para que eu ficasse melhor desde o meu término, e não quero jogar meu tempo de recuperação fora iniciando algo que futuramente vai acabar, o que vai me fazer passar por outra recuperação. Essa é a minha lógica. Há pouco tempo, conheci um rapaz muito encantador, tatuagem, brinco, gentil, bondoso. Ele até comprou um livro para mim. Fomos no shopping e demos o primeiro beijo lá. Foi incrível, nós dois sentimos a mesma coisa, mas do que isso iria adiantar se futuramente podemos terminar? E eu sempre deixo isso claro para ele, não quero relacionamento. Mas sinto que estou lhe magoando, ele parou de me responder como antes. Me sinto idiota, mas tem pouco tempo que conheço ele, e eu não quero arriscar a minha saúde mental. Mesmo que ele seja bom, o amor é um sentimento temporário (NA MINHA VISÃO E OPINIÃO) e eu (tenho border) vou sofrer muito com um futuro término. Sou babaca por não querer relacionamento e deixar isso claro?

El cómic por lo que recuerdo se trataba de un grupo de 2 adolescentes y dos niños uno niño y otra niña Que son una especie parodia de super heroes La historia comienza que la adolescente mayor entra al baño y encuetra ala niña y al niño en actos de amor y los iba a acusar pero la niña la convence a enseñarles de forma correcta de hacer esos actos y empiezan a coger y mucho mas los 3 el niño y la adolescente mujer y la niña eso nomaa recuerdo agradecería su ayuda

Resulta que tuve un crush , nos gustamos mucho mutuamente, pero mi baja autoestima me hizo rechazarme a mi mismo. Ella me estaba dando todo, literalmente me propuso todo desde lo emocional y sexual y yo no quise por mis tejas corridas.
Yo he mantenido la vela prendida por mucho tiempo pero ella claramente ya la apagó y me le declaré 2 veces más después de recapacitar y en las dos me dijo que no, que ya había pasado la página.
Yo me alejé como por 3 meses. Luego volvimos a seguir hablando muchísimo y también nos vemos, hacemos planes, y es innegable que tenemos demasiado química y confianza para hablar de todo literalmente.
El hpta problema es que yo pensé que podía verla como una amiga , pero fui hipócrita conmigo mismo, siempre que la veo, al final del día me siento mal, me encanta la vieja, me da lástima que conectemos tanto y yo no pueda hacer nada al respecto. Tengo la droga al frente y no puedo consumirla, es penoso y doloroso.
He hecho esfuerzos y leído foros y vídeos para poder verla como una amiga. Nada me ha servido. A la vez me da pesar dejar atrás esa conexión, esa confianza construida como si hubiéramos construido un castillo de arena con las manos. No quiero tumbarlo a patadas.
Es posible o no verla como una amiga, lo han hecho? Que me aconsejan

Siempre pense que las cosas como un primer beso debian ser especiales pero despues de varias desiluciones amorosas fui perdiendo ese concepto, a lo largo de mi vida he tenido varias oportunidades con amigas pero las rechacé porque pensé que no eran el amor de mi vida, estoy en un momento muy bajo de mi vida en donde no quiero conocer mas chicas por ahora y donde mis compañeros me molestan por no ser tan macho como ellos, supongo que todo eso se acumuló y solicite ese servicio, ni lo disfruté, la chica era linda pero no podia dejar de pensar que pagué para que ocurriera mi primera vez. No me voy a morir, seguro me voy a recuperar de este bajón y esto no va a afectas mis relaciones futuras pero lo voy a recordar siempre, que fui una persona patetica con falta de caracter para afrontar sus sentimientos.

Ahora mejor...
Va a haber más muerte de estos pinches perros... culeros...
Que están acabando con todo...
Sin piedad... solo que estén pendejos...
Puros culeros que no tienen honor... esa palabra ni la conocen solo es publicitario...
Honor... rápido el examen de control de confianza...
Sino que lo chinguen...

Boa tarde galera, já postei um relato aqui, a pouco mais de 2 meses , não sei se vcs conseguem ver...Mas enfim. Sou H-20
3 dias atrás minha ex, me mandou a seguinte mensagem "eu sinto tanto a sua falta", recebi a mensagem e na hr me veio um sentimento estranho, ela terminou comigo por mensagem( namorávamos a 1 ano e 4 meses) segundo ela, eu estava estudando muito, disse que se sentia no "escanteio" e quando veio falar comigo novamente levantou essa bola.. perguntou se eu já tinha ficado com outras pessoas, respondi que estou focado no meu objetivo... varias vezes perguntou "já seguiu em frente?" "já superou?"... Não respondi nenhuma, fui dando trela até ver onde ia chegar, não procurei saber nada dela, mas fomos conversando...
Ela ficou me chamando de "amor", como se nada tivesse acontecido, eu demorei muito pra me recuperar e voltar a minha rotina, e finalmente estava no eixo novamente, voltei até a frequentar a igreja por influencia de uma menina que conheci, já saímos algumas vezes, nos beijamos e estou levando tudo na calma ela tbm tem grandes objetivos na vida, disse pra eu priorizar meus estudos e que pretende ser um suporte, minha motivação, enfim só contextualizei.
Conversei com minha ex durante 1 dia, e depois não aguentei, mandei que "É melhor cada um seguir sua vida, que vc seja muito feliz, mas não teria confiança em viver isso novamente, vc mesmo encerrou nosso ciclo, e a decisão de não voltar é minha, termina aqui oq já vivemos" e depois bloquei não quis saber de mais nada, acham que fui babaca em não esperar um resposta??

Boa tarde galera, já postei um relato aqui, a pouco mais de 2 meses , não sei se vcs conseguem ver...Mas enfim. Sou H-20
3 dias atrás minha ex, me mandou a seguinte mensagem "eu sinto tanto a sua falta", recebi a mensagem e na hr me veio um sentimento estranho, ela terminou comigo por mensagem( namorávamos a 1 ano e 4 meses) segundo ela, eu estava estudando muito, disse que se sentia no "escanteio" e quando veio falar comigo novamente levantou essa bola.. perguntou se eu já tinha ficado com outras pessoas, respondi que estou focado no meu objetivo... varias vezes perguntou "já seguiu em frente?" "já superou?"... Não respondi nenhuma, fui dando trela até ver onde ia chegar, não procurei saber nada dela, mas fomos conversando...
Ela ficou me chamando de "amor", como se nada tivesse acontecido, eu demorei muito pra me recuperar e voltar a minha rotina, e finalmente estava no eixo novamente, voltei até a frequentar a igreja por influencia de uma menina que conheci, já saímos algumas vezes, nos beijamos e estou levando tudo na calma ela tbm tem grandes objetivos na vida, disse pra eu priorizar meus estudos e que pretende ser um suporte, minha motivação, enfim só contextualizei.
Conversei com minha ex durante 1 dia, e depois não aguentei, mandei que "É melhor cada um seguir sua vida, que vc seja muito feliz, mas não teria confiança em viver isso novamente, vc mesmo encerrou nosso ciclo, e a decisão de não voltar é minha, termina aqui oq já vivemos" e depois bloquei não quis saber de mais nada, acham que fui babaca em não esperar um resposta??

por que ninguém está falando da Hass? A equipe que durante a pré temporada estava sendo alvo de críticas está melhorando seu desempenho progressivamente e se mantendo no meio do pelotão.
e tá trazendo entretenimento puro paras os fãs de F1

Te deje unas cartas...
"Esa tu amiguita... ni lo pienses"
La vieja de Garcia...
Que risa me dio...
Así quien sabe cuantas chingaderas me hayan dejaron ahí o mandando...
Ser muy feliz e irme con Erin...
Que riste irme solo... pero ni modo... si es necesario... pues me voy...
Buscan allanar la mente de mujeres millonarias... son personas expertas en vivir de los demás...
Un rato se van a reír... porque se que hay gente que no esta nada contenta...
Decidieron llevar esto a la maxima zosobra, mesquindad y miseria de unos cuantos...
Ignorar.
Yo sinceramente donde hay semejante grado de crueldad de lo de las niñas virgenes... yo no quiero participar... van a hacer su fogatas... y luego... quedan drogadictos... son una fauna nociva reincidente... a un tema horrible...
Se les tiene que partir al madre... porque solo andsn haciendo daño... fraudes... el nivel de incepcion de la clandestinidad es inherente a tronar los dedos y corromper lo que sea... las elecciones eso es lo de menos...
Dan dinero... y vales para pollas... para lo que sea...
Darle dineron a ese tipo de gente... es una mamada impresionante...
Necios y necios que ahuevo se querían pasar de verga...
Carguen los misiles.... ahuevo... esa palabra pareciera me la dice un licenciado... un angel...
Hasta que te canses....
Puede haber gente inteligente... que quiera ganar un dinero... yo veo puro pendejo...

Eu e meu ex namoramos por três anos, foi meu primeiro relacionamento sério e eu me investi de corpo e alma nessa. Sempre fui fiel, carinhoso, cuidei dele, tentei ajudar e o apoiar quando a família sempre o deixava pra baixo, sempre verbalizei o quanto eu o amava e eu tentei ser o melhor namorado possível.
O problema é que ele tem depressão e ansiedade (parte por causa de traumas familiares) e acabamos terminando porque ele "não queria me arrastar pra isso" e que eu "Merecia alguém que pudesse se entregar 100% pra mim". Antes de terminarmos, eu o incentivei a fazer terapia, disse que ia ajudar ele a resolver os traumas que ele tem, só que a própria psicóloga dele disse que ele não tava pronto pra um relacionamento no momento e isso só jogou mais dúvidas nele sobre continuarmos juntos ou não.
Nós temos o mesmo grupo de amigos, então só terminar e esquecer dele não é possível pra mim. Nós não brigamos ao terminar nem nada, foi basicamente eu perguntando após semanas de ele pensando sobre nosso relacionamento se ele realmente queria terminar ou não e ele dizendo que queria terminar.
Já faz alguns meses que terminamos e eu sinto muita raiva sobre isso, porque eu disse que queria ajudar ele a passar por essa situação difícil, que não queria desistir dele e do nosso relacionamento, que se fosse eu no lugar dele ele não me abandonaria, mas não adiantou nada, no fim das contas a gente terminou.
Eu demorei cinco anos pra encontrar alguém que eu realmente amasse, que eu realmente me esforcei pra dar certo. No fim das contas todo o meu esforço não serviu pra nada. Eu ainda tô sozinho aqui. Ele mesmo disse que eu ia encontrar alguém que merecesse todo o carinho e amor que eu tenho, mas o que adianta se é ele quem eu sempre quis?
Hoje no nosso grupo de amigos eu vi a mensagem que ele enviou dizendo que estava muito melhor após esses meses de terapia, que nem se sentia como ele mesmo e eu só... Fiquei com raiva. Eu não me senti feliz por ele, não senti como me senti quando meu outro amigo que tem depressão melhorou após começar a fazer terapia também. Eu não me senti feliz por ele, só me senti vazio...
Logicamente eu sei que ele merece ser feliz também, sei que ele não tem culpa de ter estado depressivo, mas eu não consigo deixar de sentir que eu fui largado de lado na primeira dificuldade, que ele não conseguiu confiar em mim pra dar suporte num momento crítico...
Agora eu tô no trabalho e essa mensagem não sai da minha cabeça, eu vejo uma foto dele no Instagram ou em qualquer rede social e vejo ele feliz por aí e isso só me emputece. Era pra eu fazer parte dessa felicidade. Era pra gente estar desfrutando disso juntos, e agora eu só me sinto como se não valesse o esforço. Como se eu não valesse a pena.