Marry keepers aching head

Hey everyone!
I never played a game where I can have waifus and choose one at the end. I'm about to fight the final battle, and it has been an awesome ride, what a game!
I've eaten so much with my comrades in this game, because I wanted to max out their relationships and see every convo the game had to offer. Didn't want to choose the waifu without giving all of them a chance.
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So, after almost 200 hours of gaming and seeing every convo, here is the final result! I'll explain a lot of them and please bear with me if it's all over the place and in no particular order!
I must say before we start, I took this decision quite seriously (lol) so my choice always was about "who do I like the most AND who could be seen as a queen when we take back Cornia".
Let's immediately start with the Queen herself, Virginia. It always was Virginia. It will always be Virginia. It was love at first sight. Don't you see this fire in those eyes?? Still, I was open-minded and willing to give any other girl a chance through the story and their convos, but even with the convos, Virgina beat them. In the first convo, she shows love towards Alain's mom (her aunt) by scolding and threatening to beat up some dudes who talked bad about the last queen. Alain arrives and sees what happened. He thanks her for getting angry because of her aunt, to which she answers something in the lines of "I'll be angry as much as you want me to be"...sheeeeesh!!! With the ost, the whole scene was fire. In the second convo, she shows indirectly she's been loyal to Alain this whole time from childhood to now. They play this chess-like game they used to play as kids. Then they got separated as kids. Years later, in this convo, Alain wins for the first time and he starts crying cuz he sees that Virginia's tactics never changed since childhood, while his changed. He cried cuz he understood she had no one to play with after he left. That's why she's making the exact same moves she used to when playing with him. One could think she would have played with Gilbert years later, but nope. Here she falls for him deeper, when she sees that he is empathic and isn't sensitive about stuff that happens to him but about stuff that happens to others. And in the final convo, Virginia who always was about that queen attitude, accepts to show vulnerability and basically asks a favor to Alain : "take me home". What a moving relationship all and all between the two, after being orphans for years, meeting together again and make it thru war. Sheesh.
I'll talk briefly about the "unstable" row, as some might ask why those are so low. Those are low because most of them are fishy or plain not for Alain. Monica is the bomb, don't get it twisted here. Look at those curly hair and those red/pink eyes, she's a noble who cares about the people. But she's also for Clive, not I can't do that to my man Clive who's the man, but she doesn't even have a final convo with Alain. It's always platonic between them. However, when you watch the last convo between her and Clive, you see they are in the way to getting back together, which is awesome. If it wasn't for her story with Clive, Monica was a serious contender to Virginia.
Same for Primm. Primm is for Aramis. Convos show that. Aramis is the most "Mr steal your girl" of all the boys. I have love for Aramis, but I can't trust him with girls around, that's just the way it is. He made Primm blush like crazy during his convos with her, calling her a little flower and stuff. And she hits into him too, very discreetly (not that discreetly). Alain on the other hand, never made her blush. And the final convo between the two shows Primm doesnt care about Alain (as a love interest I mean). Other than that, Primm was also a huge contender at first too, look at her long wavy red hair. She's sweet too. And she says in a convo with Alain, that she was chubby younger, oh boy. But of course, Mr steal your girl had to interfere and from that moment, Primm was never a choice anymore.
Liza is my girl, don't get me wrong. She blushes at the end with Alain, acts like a sweetheart who doesn't want to admit she is proudly wearing our gift...however...in a convo with Clive, he asks something like "how can I thank you" and she answers straight up "take me to dinner", what? She was never a serious contendant but she's a cutie. However when I've read this convo it was over for her. Plus Clive is taken, what are you doin Liza.
Lea I was never interested in her. She doesn't show real interest either. She cool but thats it.
Ochlys and Sharon. Oh boy, where do I begin with. Ok so let's start with Ochlys, as I think she's the most naive of the two. I really like her, and her convos with Alain are awesome, which made it hard to side her . But. but she's too weird with Sharon? If they were kiddos, I would understand their behavior, but they are grown women and they act weirdly childish between them? Why is Sharon massaging Ochlys and why is she blushing, why are THEY blushing? She's a bit sneaky too. She straight up hits on my boi Lex during their unique convo, to the point he's shook. And she acts like she was sitting on a big rock not knowing it was my man Bruno in their convo. What's that Sharon? You didnt see it was Bruno? You didn't see his armor? Don't play with me Sharon. I'll give her some good points though, in her final convo with Alain, she shows sincerity and I like the other convo in which she talks about the orphanage. You can tell she didn't have it easy yet is still kind. But she's kinda a sneak too, sorry Sharon. Look closely at her art, you can tell she can snap if something goes wrong.
Railanor is crazy hot, who's gonna tell otherwise? She's just not queen material and she looks like she's into Ithilion. She also wanna push Alain in Rosa's arms so don't look any further. Very loyal girl tho. And hot, did I say hot?
Tatiana is into Ghislain or whatever his name was. She's kinda crazy. Which is good. She unironically has pretty eyes, if you look closer at them. But she's into that dude who passed so there's nothing much we can do about that. I have to say that Tatiana was one of the most interesting girls in this game, the most interesting being her final convo with Alain, where you learn more about her secrets and her failures. And where you see her vulnerable, both physically and mentally. Her final convo was a nice and peaceful closure.
Lydielle/Rydiel (thats how you call her in the enlglish version?) is a hottie. She's a bit weird with Chloe but maybe i'm too tough with her on this so I'll give her a break on this. She just seems like a good friend to Alain, nothing seemed ambiguous between them, so i just didnt give her the love interest despite being a hottie.
Finally for this row, we have Hilda. Authoritarian red head. Hot. No last convo with Alain tho. And nothing showed any flirty moment between them, unless I dont remember something? In which case just remind me. Picking her would have felt forced and out of place.
I'm not into bestherians. Ramona tho? Oh boy, this is a touchy one. She feels comfy and her fur feels soft? Did you see those eyes? Looks like she's looking straight up into my soul with those owl eyes. And they look very feminine? She cooks, prepares tea, she is a kind soul who raised Yunifee and Morad. I'm just affraid she could hurt me with her talons but I also feel she would be very careful, you can tell by how caring she is in general. Ramona is tricky to admit but i'm not gonna write this huge post just to hide my real feeling about Ramona lol, i like her. And she's a scholar too, just like Selvie. Regular wereowls? Yikes. Ramona tho??? And she has that vibe that makes me think she could be a queen? That mommy/comfy vibe? Also she has that art in the text box where she closes an eye, which gives that yamete kudasai vibe. Plus it would make Cornia and Bastorias closer, when Bastorias was always isolated from the world. In their last convo, Alain promises to Ramona to make Bastorias closer, whats better to do that than marry someone from there?
Talking about that, let's talk Yunifee? Idk man...she just feels like a little sister. But of course the devs had to give her those hips. Come on now. She has those pointy ears too which is a hot touch. We learn late game about a theory that says that basically, bestherians were elves once. They migrated to the north cuz they were banned and used like a forbidden spell to change their appearance in order to hide. And she was a princess too iirc. So she's a very unique character, unique class in the game, thick, but the whole little sister won me at the end. She still made it to A which shows how dangerous she was to Virigina.
No transition, let's talk the Scarlett matter? Scarlett is the girl the game tries to force into you, which immediately gave negative points to my eyes. What I like her about her is she's loyal and humble. During that whole Albion arc, she kept her ground, and wanted to be part of the army and be called Scarlett, with no honorific title. She has that chest too. Of course. What I don't appreciate too much tho, but I understand some of you guys like here, is that she's a bit trying to force herself into Alain. She gets mad because he "can't see" what's in front of his eyes. What if he saw but decided not to address the matter? Why trying to force your way? Leave the man and give him space, make him run after you will you? She's a kind soul tho there's no doubt about that. It's just that shes fine, nothin wild about her. We want that spicy personality, that fire in the eyes. If I forgot something cool about her that might me second guess her, don't hesitate to tell me.
Very close to Virginia, we have the two Beren.
Let's start with Berengaria. She's loyal to the cause and Alain and isn't in Alain's way. If she can handle stuff without Alain having to worry about it, she'll do. You can see it with the Bruno's convo. She tells him no need to worry Alain about the trap and she goes with Bruno to kick some butts. She has Alain's and the army back, she's reliable and will sacrifice herself to protect the ones she loves (her whole arc in Drakengard). Marrying her would also make Alain Travis' brother in law. What's better than having this gem of a man as a brother. When you look at her art, she a hottie. And she has that convo with Virginia in which they it could have gone wrong between the two. Usually nobody stands a chance vs Virginia in a fight. But here it made me ask myself "who would win?". She's mysterious, even in the endgame I feel I could have known more about her. Marrying her would also make Cornia and Drak closer. Very very tough to have let Beren in the back, but you have to choose I guess. So much kindness in her eyes too, smh.
As for the other Beren, Berenice. Amazing underdog here, liked her as soon as I met her at the start of the game. Cool haircut, pretty eyes and smile. I really questioned myself because of her story. She became when she cud have become a knight. She basically took the hit for her chief (can't remember his name, the dude who was once loyal to Ilenia but then became a Zenoira soldier), she defended queen Ilenia's honor and got punished for it and kicked out of the army. Making her my queen would have given back the shine she deserves because of her sincere heart, and would have that "coming from the botton now we here" feeling. Taking a nice girl from the people, and making her a queen. Such an underdog and a cutie she is. Great heart and great laugh too (you can see it in some convos, notably the last one with Alain).
Let's almost end it, it's been long enough.
A rank Amalia and Rosalinda are basically just pure hot stuff but not queen material. They are hotter than most of the other girls, but let's be serious they can't be queens. Look at how they are dressed, what is Alain gonna look like with those baddies next to him on the throne. Ok so first Amalia. Do i really have to explain. Big strong baddie? Legs the height of Alain? Amalia is just a walking temptation. Rosalinda is the exact same thing but petite, smaller. Hot, knows what she wants, goes straight to the point, plays with Virginia's nerves. She's mischievous and I'm in for all of that! I'm sorry but Eltrinde can't compare to Rosalinde. Also, i have this feeling that Eltrinde is a bit sneaky don't ask me why.
B rank are all cool girls. Honestly I didn't find any real bad girl in this game, a lot of them has its own thing going on for them.
As for the last ones, I see Yahna more like big sistemom. Not the Ramona kind of mom. More like the mom real mom kind of mom. She would make an awesome advisor once Alain becomes king. I have her in my main team, the same way Ilenia had Alcina in her squad. Ummels is a traitor and we gave her redemption way too easily tbh (same as sanatio but that's another story). She was ready to have us dead and buried (pun intended), still a cutie but can't go past the betrayal stuff. Alcina didn't get to know her. She died so soon. Seems like we're able to play her postgame? No idea how she comes back from the dead but oh well. She looks like she lacks hygiene? Maybe it's just me.
Idk how I forgot to talk about Selvie? Selvie is a scholar who is always focused on science and learning about the vestiges we visit. But she's a scholar with a fantastic body. Did you see those calves? That chest? One could argue but she hit on Bruno, and call me naive, but I dare to disagree. I think she was genuine lol (maybe I'm too naive, all things considered). Because she sees everything with curiosity, I like to think she was just imagining Bruno's inside skeleton and muscles. Of course Bruno had to run out of fear, who does that? Really Bruno? Anyway at one point I thought a scholar who is a baddie would make for a nice queen, but honestly she lives to travel and study vestiges, so the throne really isn't her place to be.
Also idk why I have Raynis in B tier when I think she's special. She's just a regular character you get endgame and doesn't have much of a development, but she is elegant, would make for a nice queen, is nice to others and can be trust. Even Alain says about her she's the most kindly person he ever met, and I don't remember him saying this to anyone else. And she's a featherbow which means she's a nightmare on the battlefield. I actually moved her all the way up to A.
Not related but watched Monica art again, so much melancholy in her eyes...dang. What could have been Monica, if it wasn't for her story with my boi Clive. Consider Monica a tier of her own everyone.
Thx for reading!

Shari Adamiak was a dedicated, disciplined volunteer contact worker who I had the honor to serve with as a fellow CE-5 Working Group Coordinator from 1992 till 1998. I honor her memory by posting her report describing an amazing encounter in Monterrey Mexico in 1994.

In the in-depth document posted below, prolonged telepathic exchanges reportedly occurred with two types of non-human beings, very small ones and a larger humanoid being.

Joseph Burkes MD 2024

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CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FIFTH KIND IN MONTERREY,
MEXICO - DECEMBER 1994
By Shari Adamiak ©1995, Executive Director of CSETI

Introduction:
The following is an account - from my point of view - of events that occurred during a CSETI investigative team activation to Monterrey, Mexico in December of 1994. While necessarily somewhat subjective based on my own experiences, every attempt has been made to present an accurate depiction of events that were experienced by myself and our team.
CSETI Reacts to Flap in Mexico:
After seeing a tape of a "Hard Copy" program showing an active wave of UFO activity in Monterrey, Mexico - the third largest metropolis in Mexico - we made an effort to contact the researcher who had taken those videos. Santiago Yturria is a thorough researcher and skilled videographer who, along with Diana Perla Chapa, the host of a popular live talk show on Mexican network television, has had a UFO group for over 20 years in the state of Nuevo Leone.

Dr. Steven Greer, international director of CSETI, activated a CSETI Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) to Monterrey to investigate this current flap. Santiago, Diana, and the entire Ovni Club of N.L. assisted us, took us to sites, shared their evidence and graciously welcomed us to Monterrey. Dr. Greer, myself, a woman from New York and a man, also a videographer, from Minneapolis made up the CSETI team. (Names furnished upon request.)
Consciousness Connections:

Lucid dream activity played a significant role in the events that unfolded in Monterrey. Three of the team had dreams that proved to be portents of happenings on this project. I had a dream in the early hours of December 13th. In it, the extraterrestrials were showing us the spot where we should come in order to have a meeting with them. They showed me aerial views, in stop motion - each one closer to the ground - and marked the site with a strobing turquoise laser pattern. They showed me a view from the ground, looking up at some steep peaks, and showed it to me both in day and nighttime views. The night view revealed two stars in a particular configuration over one of the peaks.

That very afternoon, Santiago and his friends drove us to Las Mitres mountains, well known as an area of many sightings of UFOs. As we approached, it dawned on me that it was identical to what I was shown in my dream. We decided to use the spot as our field research site that night. When we came to Las Mitres (so named because the mountain peaks resemble a bishop's miter hat) that night, the two stars were indeed in the sky in the same position as I had seen in my lucid dream.

The Team Gets to Work:

The CSETI team had observed some anomalous objects in the sky at two different sites on the nights of December 11th and 12th, but the next two nights, the 13th and 14th at the Las Mitres sites, proved to be exceptional. The Las Mitres mountains contain a large cave where the local investigators believe that spacecraft conceal themselves when coming to the Monterrey area. And, unusually dense low clouds were known to form over the cave and other parts of the peaks very quickly. On the night of December 13th, the entire CSETI team set up camp at the base of Las Mitres. We were joined by an American woman who was a friend of one of our teammates, who was married to a Mexican man and living in Monterrey. She had arranged our lodging and transportation for us.

Around 10:30 pm, following our first Coherent Thought Sequencing (a CSETI protocol) session, we observed a very bright light that appeared in the zenith of the sky, traveling rapidly in an upward arc that terminated in the center of the constellation Orion. At 10:45 pm, very dense clouds materialized within a minute on parts of the sheer mountain cliffs.
The Close Encounters Begin:

At approximately 1:00 am, Dr. Greer and another team member were standing slightly down the gravel road when they observed a bright, strobe-like white light to appear at the edge of the mountain. At about the same time, I had gotten up and walked closer towards the brush at the base of the mountain. Dr. Greer looked for me to tell me of the strobe light and found me at the spot where it had appeared. As we stood there, another round light came rolling down the side of the steep slope. Just then, I felt some invisible energy that felt as if it were gently pulling me in deeper to the brush. Both Dr. Greer and I felt there was a presence nearby that, from past experience, led us to feel there was a spacecraft and extraterrestrial beings very nearby.

Just then, I began to perceive small, square-shouldered beings in the brush around us. They could be sensed and dimly seen, but a clear view of them wasn't possible. The little beings were extremely shy and reticent. They would scurry close to us, then backtrack quickly into the brush. We could not hear any brush moving or footsteps but we could dimly see them. To me, they seemed to have on uniforms that covered their body and legs that were a dull orange-rust color. They were very short, just up to my knees (I am 5'7"). I became aware of a telepathic message - they were concerned about our video camera, behind me to the right. I turned my head and looked. Sure enough, unknown to me previously as I had not seen it in the dark, was our teammate's professional camera set up on a tripod. I send back the mental message to them not to worry, the camera wasn't on and we wouldn't let him touch it. They seemed to trust my assurance, as the event continued to unfold. I related this two-way communication to Dr. Greer, who went back to the other three people and instructed them to stay where they were unless he called them forward.

These rich, rare exchanges with what appear to be extraterrestrial life forms are very delicate scenarios. Any sudden, rash or extreme emotion or movement can thwart the entire event and bring it to a screeching halt, and the extraterrestrials vanish. Sometimes our second-guessing of what is needed to allow an event to unfold in all its possible fullness is accurate; sometimes it is not. It is almost like hesitant dance partners, longing but afraid to get closer. Until we as a people are more accepting of close contact with extraterrestrials, our interactions are likely to continue in this way.

I could mentally 'hear' concerned conversation going on amongst the small beings. They eventually conveyed to me the message, again mentally, that they were having difficulty adjusting our energies in preparation for a meeting because my physical energy was concentrated on my stomach, trying to digest some food. Just before all this began, I had eaten about a half of a Power Bar, a dense protein energy food. It was cold and hard from being in my gear bag for hours and I could feel it kind of just laying in my stomach. At this point, I sent a very deliberate message to the life forms: "I give you permission to take it out of my body". Suddenly, I felt as if someone were standing some distance away with a fishing line whose hook was inside my stomach. It felt as if someone were slowing reeling in the line as the food came back out the way it went in. Now, I detest vomiting more than almost anything and I was struck by the gentleness that was used in removing this food from my body. It was only mildly unpleasant. Dr. Greer, an emergency physician, asked me if I was alright. I told him that I was fine and that this was being done with my permission. After this little purging, the energy felt softer, with less intense vibration.

Soon the little beings sent both Dr. Greer and I the message that if we removed our glasses, we would be able to see them better. Although I normally use contact lenses, glasses are preferable for field work when wind and dust often get blown into my eyes, plus the fact that we are often in the field until the wee hours of the morning. After receiving this message, we each removed our glasses. One last request from the little ETs - that we remove our hats (it had been a chilly night.) At this point, I could actually feel a harmonious flow of energy between us, the little beings, and some other unseen source.

Another Being is Perceived:

At this point, the small life forms disappeared. Shafts of golden light began to come from an unknown, unseen source and lay across the bushes in front of us. We learned later that the three other team members behind us could see this as well, although they had not been able to perceive the small beings. I could feel one of these shafts of light approach me and fill my torso with a warm, golden glow. After the light rays faded, a large oval of bluish fog began to form about ten feet in front of us. As the blue mist began to coalesce, Dr. Greer and I became aware of a being within it. Although again we could see him only dimly, he appeared very humanoid, tall, with long and straight silverish hair. He appeared to be clothed in a light blue and silver uniform.

We learned later that one team member saw a tendril of the blue fog travel along the ground towards her. It frightened her a little until the mist reached her foot and began to send wisps around her feet. She later told us that there was a gentle kindness about the fog and all misgivings vanished. However, our American friend who was not an actual team member became very frightened by the golden light and blue fog.

We learned later that it was all too much for her - something the extraterrestrial would tell us. For as we stood there facing one another, the tall being sent us a message that they would very much like to manifest more fully in the physical to meet with us, but that if they did so, one of our team members would be dangerously frightened. Their caution and concern were touching. And a far cry from the crying wolf that goes on so often when extraterrestrials are said to be heartless, devoid of feeling, and out to harm human beings. We in CSETI feel that this type of encounter points up the absolute need and appropriateness of doing real-time field work in our efforts to learn exactly what these beings are all about.

It is important, and interesting, to note that both Dr. Greer and myself received nearly identical mental messages each time there was a communication from the extraterrestrial.

Dr. Greer and I consulted one another and decided to send a joint message. We told the tall being that if they could not come to us, it was okay with us if they could take us to where they were. We could sense this was being discussed with a 'central command control', or his more senior team members. Dr. Greer and I saw a copper-gold sphere, ten to twelve feet in diameter, begin to coalesce to the left of the tall being. It never reached material solidity but soon began to disperse. The tall being then sent us a message that it would frighten our teammates just as much to see us disappear in front of their eyes as it would for the ETs to manifest right there. At this time, we had no idea that any member of our team was having difficulty coping with these events.
Soon Again, Soon Again:

Finally, after what seemed like a few moments, the tall being sent us a message that they would not be able to manifest fully in the physical this night. But they sent a message: "soon again; soon again". At this point, Dr. Greer went back to speak with the other team members and I stayed put. For the next five minutes, the being and I exchanged blessings to each other, to our teams. It was poignant and lovely. I cannot recall any of the actual 'words' or specific communications; it was not a left-brained exchange, but was beyond the bounds of linear thought.

Their Reluctance is Proven Out:

When I joined the others, I learned that our American friend had become extremely frightened, so much so that she had taken refuge in our vehicle. We had designated the big Suburban as the 'safe area". We do this on all our field research - setting aside a specific enclosure that any team member can go to if unfolding events prove fearful to them. In fact, it is our policy to send a 'buddy' along, who remains with them the entire time they wish to stay in the safe area. We divide into buddies at the beginning of our field session so that each team member is accounted for, and accountable, at all times. She told us that if she had seen anything more from the ETs, she would have run screaming down the mountainside.

Preparation is Key:

Her reactions impressed upon us the importance of training for each team member. It served as a strong reminder to us to be more stringent in adherence to our policies regarding untrained guests who wanted to join our field work. Much to my surprise, Dr. Greer and I learned from our teammates that we had been standing there, exchanging communication with the extraterrestrials, for nearly two hours. We both thought no more than thirty minutes had elapsed. By this time, it was nearly 3:00 am, so we broke camp and went home.

The Encounters Continue:

The following day was a busy one with an appearance on Diana Chapa's live TV show in the morning, a field trip to another site in the afternoon, and a talk at the Ovni Club that evening. It was about 11:30 pm by the time we were driving up the narrow road to our Las Mitres site. Interestingly, our videographer teammate was absent from field work. He had decided to stay in the city to visit his friend and her son. As the Suburban headed up the gravel lane, Dr. Greer and I simultaneously observed a small, bright light on the side of Las Mitres. We knew from the previous night that there was no light normally in that area. Tonight we also had with us our American friend's Mexican husband. He and our driver assured us there were no houses, no power lines, no roads, nothing on the sheer cliffs of Las Mitres.

As we came to the base of the mountain, Dr. Greer jumped from the Suburban while it was still rolling. The other woman and I jumped out and grabbed the bare necessities of field gear: a 500,000-candle power portable halogen light, our night vision scope, binoculars, a small camcorder, and a hand-held micro-cassette recorder.

Because of the reaction by an untrained participant the previous night, we sent our driver and his friend down the road. We told them we could not afford any panic this night. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the men went to a spot at the bottom of the road where they could clearly see the events that unfolded.

Are We in a Spielberg Movie?:

Dr. Greer grabbed the halogen light and sent a signal to the star-like light on the hillside. Instantly, the light transformed into a gigantic, brilliant round beam that shot light down the entire mountainside! We were astonished. It came close to being the time we always joke about - when events are so incredible that we'll wish we had on "Depends" undergarments! We continued to have a Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind - a human-initiated or human-interactive experience - with this craft for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. An exchange like this, with a team in the field, is unprecedented. During the lengthy encounter, we sent light signals to the craft. The craft would signal back to us in the exact same sequence. Then its lights would extinguish. Within a few minutes, it would again illuminate and initiate a signal to us. This went on and on. Twice during this time period, we saw the shadows of beings walking in front of the blinding beam. At times, the beam would rotate upon itself, appearing to the left of its original position - then back where it was. Once the light seemed to turn over on itself, illuminating the sparsely forested slope behind it. This was one of the times when figures were seen to move in the beam.

Hoaxability Ration - Low to Zero:

It must be emphasized that this is a very remote area devoid of roads. For anyone to have hoaxed this event would have required something on the scale of a major motion picture crew. There was simply no way to have moved equipment like this onto these sheer slopes. It would have caused quite a commotion in the suburbs below if a crew of that magnitude had traversed those sheer cliffs that day. The area would have been swarming with lookie-loos. At the end of the two hours and fifteen minutes, the light, which by now had split into two candle-flame colored round lights, turned to brilliant red, shot out a lightning bolt of energy and vanished. We saw a golden streak shoot through the sky towards the direction of the ancient volcano, Topochico. And the energy was gone. It was not until this point that we fully appreciated that
1) we'd been standing up for all that time, and
2) our hair had stood on end the entire time.

As a side note, I want to report that when we first got out of the vehicle at the base of the mountain, I heard crickets chirping in stereophonic synchronicity. One would chirp on our right, then one would chirp on our left. The chirping was loud and distinct. When I heard it, I told my teammates that it was significant. I had heard similar chirping prior to another major encounter in the past. It was moments later that the gigantic craft illuminated before us.

Eventful Trip Home:

We signaled to our drivers to bring up the Suburban. When they arrived, we learned that the men had gone to a vantage point and had seen everything, giving us two independent witnesses. In fact, from their extra distance the light was not so blinding and they were able to discern the craft. They both reported seeing a very large disc-shaped craft with a domed top. The men were extremely excited. They said they felt bonded now, like brothers. The American's husband said that his life would never be the same again.

As we were riding on our 30-minute drive home, Dr. Greer remarked that he felt the ETs would follow us. Within a minute, the man in front was exclaiming, "la luz, la luz!" (the light, the light!) We could then see that the gigantic light was visible from the road, showing itself to us on the opposite side of the mountain from where it had been at our field site! We stopped at a closed gas station, signaled and videoed (which came out fuzzy and blurred). You will recall that, of all nights, our videographer was not with us this night. Coincidence or orchestrated by the ETs? So many such things happen that we have to ponder the possibility. This time, the light was not appearing as two lights side by side. Instead, they were two lights stacked one on top the other. We continued to observe it on the remainder of the homeward ride, stopping twice more to observe.

When we arrived home, we climbed up to our flat roof. We could still see it, even though the entire valley of the city of Monterrey was now between us, the back side of Las Mitres and the rest of the range. The lights were still there. They had changed position again and were now staggered, one atop the other. They had been so bright that we could see the rock face behind it illuminated. As we watched, the lights dimmed down to about half their luminosity.

The Craft Revealed:

At this point, we could clearly see the structure of the craft. It was indeed a large disc with a sloped dome on top. By measuring with fingers at arm's length, Dr. Greer determined that the craft was between one-half to one full city block in size. As the birds began to sing and the sky began to lighten, we bid goodbye and heartfelt thanks to our visitors for these remarkable experiences and went inside to sleep, and dream of them.

Shari Adamiak, Executive Director, CSETI ________________________

Final Notes:

I wish to advise that the three persons who interacted with the craft as described above included three very responsible and stable individuals. Dr. Greer is a practicing trauma physician, father of four, world-renowned expert on extraterrestrial intelligence. He is the founder of CSETI, and the visionary and guiding force of it. Our teammate from New York is cofounder of a research foundation and is personal friends with world leaders in both the political and private sectors. And I myself have been educated in the sciences and the law and worked for many years as a paralegal, which gives me a logical mind upon which to base my ongoing extraterrestrial experiences. - Shari Adamiak

I describe how I first met Shari in 1992. It was an experience that I will never forget:
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/03/05/i-meet-shari-adamiak-the-first-ce-5-working-group-coordinato

Shari Adamiak was a dedicated, disciplined volunteer contact worker who I had the honor to serve with as a fellow CE-5 Working Group Coordinator from 1992 till 1998. I honor her memory by posting her report describing an amazing encounter in Monterrey Mexico in 1994.

In the in-depth document posted below prolonged telepathic exchanges reportedly occurred with two types of non-human beings, very small ones and a larger humanoid being.

Joseph Burkes MD 2024

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FIFTH KIND IN MONTERREY,
MEXICO - DECEMBER 1994
By Shari Adamiak ©1995, Executive Director of CSETI

Introduction:
The following is an account - from my point of view - of events that occurred during a CSETI investigative team activation to Monterrey, Mexico in December of 1994. While necessarily somewhat subjective based on my own experiences, every attempt has been made to present an accurate depiction of events that were experienced by myself and our team.
CSETI Reacts to Flap in Mexico:
After seeing a tape of a "Hard Copy" program showing an active wave of UFO activity in Monterrey, Mexico - the third largest metropolis in Mexico - we made an effort to contact the researcher who had taken those videos. Santiago Yturria is a thorough researcher and skilled videographer who, along with Diana Perla Chapa, the host of a popular live talk show on Mexican network television, has had a UFO group for over 20 years in the state of Nuevo Leone.

Dr. Steven Greer, international director of CSETI, activated a CSETI Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) to Monterrey to investigate this current flap. Santiago, Diana, and the entire Ovni Club of N.L. assisted us, took us to sites, shared their evidence and graciously welcomed us to Monterrey. Dr. Greer, myself, a woman from New York and a man, also a videographer, from Minneapolis made up the CSETI team. (Names furnished upon request.)
Consciousness Connections:

Lucid dream activity played a significant role in the events that unfolded in Monterrey. Three of the team had dreams that proved to be portents of happenings on this project. I had a dream in the early hours of December 13th. In it, the extraterrestrials were showing us the spot where we should come in order to have a meeting with them. They showed me aerial views, in stop motion - each one closer to the ground - and marked the site with a strobing turquoise laser pattern. They showed me a view from the ground, looking up at some steep peaks, and showed it to me both in day and nighttime views. The night view revealed two stars in a particular configuration over one of the peaks.

That very afternoon, Santiago and his friends drove us to Las Mitres mountains, well known as an area of many sightings of UFOs. As we approached, it dawned on me that it was identical to what I was shown in my dream. We decided to use the spot as our field research site that night. When we came to Las Mitres (so named because the mountain peaks resemble a bishop's miter hat) that night, the two stars were indeed in the sky in the same position as I had seen in my lucid dream.

The Team Gets to Work:

The CSETI team had observed some anomalous objects in the sky at two different sites on the nights of December 11th and 12th, but the next two nights, the 13th and 14th at the Las Mitres sites, proved to be exceptional. The Las Mitres mountains contain a large cave where the local investigators believe that spacecraft conceal themselves when coming to the Monterrey area. And, unusually dense low clouds were known to form over the cave and other parts of the peaks very quickly. On the night of December 13th, the entire CSETI team set up camp at the base of Las Mitres. We were joined by an American woman who was a friend of one of our teammates, who was married to a Mexican man and living in Monterrey. She had arranged our lodging and transportation for us.

Around 10:30 pm, following our first Coherent Thought Sequencing (a CSETI protocol) session, we observed a very bright light that appeared in the zenith of the sky, traveling rapidly in an upward arc that terminated in the center of the constellation Orion. At 10:45 pm, very dense clouds materialized within a minute on parts of the sheer mountain cliffs.
The Close Encounters Begin:

At approximately 1:00 am, Dr. Greer and another team member were standing slightly down the gravel road when they observed a bright, strobe-like white light to appear at the edge of the mountain. At about the same time, I had gotten up and walked closer towards the brush at the base of the mountain. Dr. Greer looked for me to tell me of the strobe light and found me at the spot where it had appeared. As we stood there, another round light came rolling down the side of the steep slope. Just then, I felt some invisible energy that felt as if it were gently pulling me in deeper to the brush. Both Dr. Greer and I felt there was a presence nearby that, from past experience, led us to feel there was a spacecraft and extraterrestrial beings very nearby.

Just then, I began to perceive small, square-shouldered beings in the brush around us. They could be sensed and dimly seen, but a clear view of them wasn't possible. The little beings were extremely shy and reticent. They would scurry close to us, then backtrack quickly into the brush. We could not hear any brush moving or footsteps but we could dimly see them. To me, they seemed to have on uniforms that covered their body and legs that were a dull orange-rust color. They were very short, just up to my knees (I am 5'7"). I became aware of a telepathic message - they were concerned about our video camera, behind me to the right. I turned my head and looked. Sure enough, unknown to me previously as I had not seen it in the dark, was our teammate's professional camera set up on a tripod. I send back the mental message to them not to worry, the camera wasn't on and we wouldn't let him touch it. They seemed to trust my assurance, as the event continued to unfold. I related this two-way communication to Dr. Greer, who went back to the other three people and instructed them to stay where they were unless he called them forward.

These rich, rare exchanges with what appear to be extraterrestrial life forms are very delicate scenarios. Any sudden, rash or extreme emotion or movement can thwart the entire event and bring it to a screeching halt, and the extraterrestrials vanish. Sometimes our second-guessing of what is needed to allow an event to unfold in all its possible fullness is accurate; sometimes it is not. It is almost like hesitant dance partners, longing but afraid to get closer. Until we as a people are more accepting of close contact with extraterrestrials, our interactions are likely to continue in this way.

I could mentally 'hear' concerned conversation going on amongst the small beings. They eventually conveyed to me the message, again mentally, that they were having difficulty adjusting our energies in preparation for a meeting because my physical energy was concentrated on my stomach, trying to digest some food. Just before all this began, I had eaten about a half of a Power Bar, a dense protein energy food. It was cold and hard from being in my gear bag for hours and I could feel it kind of just laying in my stomach. At this point, I sent a very deliberate message to the life forms: "I give you permission to take it out of my body". Suddenly, I felt as if someone were standing some distance away with a fishing line whose hook was inside my stomach. It felt as if someone were slowing reeling in the line as the food came back out the way it went in. Now, I detest vomiting more than almost anything and I was struck by the gentleness that was used in removing this food from my body. It was only mildly unpleasant. Dr. Greer, an emergency physician, asked me if I was alright. I told him that I was fine and that this was being done with my permission. After this little purging, the energy felt softer, with less intense vibration.

Soon the little beings sent both Dr. Greer and I the message that if we removed our glasses, we would be able to see them better. Although I normally use contact lenses, glasses are preferable for field work when wind and dust often get blown into my eyes, plus the fact that we are often in the field until the wee hours of the morning. After receiving this message, we each removed our glasses. One last request from the little ETs - that we remove our hats (it had been a chilly night.) At this point, I could actually feel a harmonious flow of energy between us, the little beings, and some other unseen source.

Another Being is Perceived:

At this point, the small life forms disappeared. Shafts of golden light began to come from an unknown, unseen source and lay across the bushes in front of us. We learned later that the three other team members behind us could see this as well, although they had not been able to perceive the small beings. I could feel one of these shafts of light approach me and fill my torso with a warm, golden glow. After the light rays faded, a large oval of bluish fog began to form about ten feet in front of us. As the blue mist began to coalesce, Dr. Greer and I became aware of a being within it. Although again we could see him only dimly, he appeared very humanoid, tall, with long and straight silverish hair. He appeared to be clothed in a light blue and silver uniform.

We learned later that one team member saw a tendril of the blue fog travel along the ground towards her. It frightened her a little until the mist reached her foot and began to send wisps around her feet. She later told us that there was a gentle kindness about the fog and all misgivings vanished. However, our American friend who was not an actual team member became very frightened by the golden light and blue fog.

We learned later that it was all too much for her - something the extraterrestrial would tell us. For as we stood there facing one another, the tall being sent us a message that they would very much like to manifest more fully in the physical to meet with us, but that if they did so, one of our team members would be dangerously frightened. Their caution and concern were touching. And a far cry from the crying wolf that goes on so often when extraterrestrials are said to be heartless, devoid of feeling, and out to harm human beings. We in CSETI feel that this type of encounter points up the absolute need and appropriateness of doing real-time field work in our efforts to learn exactly what these beings are all about.

It is important, and interesting, to note that both Dr. Greer and myself received nearly identical mental messages each time there was a communication from the extraterrestrial.

Dr. Greer and I consulted one another and decided to send a joint message. We told the tall being that if they could not come to us, it was okay with us if they could take us to where they were. We could sense this was being discussed with a 'central command control', or his more senior team members. Dr. Greer and I saw a copper-gold sphere, ten to twelve feet in diameter, begin to coalesce to the left of the tall being. It never reached material solidity but soon began to disperse. The tall being then sent us a message that it would frighten our teammates just as much to see us disappear in front of their eyes as it would for the ETs to manifest right there. At this time, we had no idea that any member of our team was having difficulty coping with these events.
Soon Again, Soon Again:

Finally, after what seemed like a few moments, the tall being sent us a message that they would not be able to manifest fully in the physical this night. But they sent a message: "soon again; soon again". At this point, Dr. Greer went back to speak with the other team members and I stayed put. For the next five minutes, the being and I exchanged blessings to each other, to our teams. It was poignant and lovely. I cannot recall any of the actual 'words' or specific communications; it was not a left-brained exchange, but was beyond the bounds of linear thought.

Their Reluctance is Proven Out:

When I joined the others, I learned that our American friend had become extremely frightened, so much so that she had taken refuge in our vehicle. We had designated the big Suburban as the 'safe area". We do this on all our field research - setting aside a specific enclosure that any team member can go to if unfolding events prove fearful to them. In fact, it is our policy to send a 'buddy' along, who remains with them the entire time they wish to stay in the safe area. We divide into buddies at the beginning of our field session so that each team member is accounted for, and accountable, at all times. She told us that if she had seen anything more from the ETs, she would have run screaming down the mountainside.

Preparation is Key:

Her reactions impressed upon us the importance of training for each team member. It served as a strong reminder to us to be more stringent in adherence to our policies regarding untrained guests who wanted to join our field work. Much to my surprise, Dr. Greer and I learned from our teammates that we had been standing there, exchanging communication with the extraterrestrials, for nearly two hours. We both thought no more than thirty minutes had elapsed. By this time, it was nearly 3:00 am, so we broke camp and went home.

The Encounters Continue:

The following day was a busy one with an appearance on Diana Chapa's live TV show in the morning, a field trip to another site in the afternoon, and a talk at the Ovni Club that evening. It was about 11:30 pm by the time we were driving up the narrow road to our Las Mitres site. Interestingly, our videographer teammate was absent from field work. He had decided to stay in the city to visit his friend and her son. As the Suburban headed up the gravel lane, Dr. Greer and I simultaneously observed a small, bright light on the side of Las Mitres. We knew from the previous night that there was no light normally in that area. Tonight we also had with us our American friend's Mexican husband. He and our driver assured us there were no houses, no power lines, no roads, nothing on the sheer cliffs of Las Mitres.

As we came to the base of the mountain, Dr. Greer jumped from the Suburban while it was still rolling. The other woman and I jumped out and grabbed the bare necessities of field gear: a 500,000-candle power portable halogen light, our night vision scope, binoculars, a small camcorder, and a hand-held micro-cassette recorder.

Because of the reaction by an untrained participant the previous night, we sent our driver and his friend down the road. We told them we could not afford any panic this night. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the men went to a spot at the bottom of the road where they could clearly see the events that unfolded.

Are We in a Spielberg Movie?:

Dr. Greer grabbed the halogen light and sent a signal to the star-like light on the hillside. Instantly, the light transformed into a gigantic, brilliant round beam that shot light down the entire mountainside! We were astonished. It came close to being the time we always joke about - when events are so incredible that we'll wish we had on "Depends" undergarments! We continued to have a Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind - a human-initiated or human-interactive experience - with this craft for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. An exchange like this, with a team in the field, is unprecedented. During the lengthy encounter, we sent light signals to the craft. The craft would signal back to us in the exact same sequence. Then its lights would extinguish. Within a few minutes, it would again illuminate and initiate a signal to us. This went on and on. Twice during this time period, we saw the shadows of beings walking in front of the blinding beam. At times, the beam would rotate upon itself, appearing to the left of its original position - then back where it was. Once the light seemed to turn over on itself, illuminating the sparsely forested slope behind it. This was one of the times when figures were seen to move in the beam.

Hoaxability Ration - Low to Zero:

It must be emphasized that this is a very remote area devoid of roads. For anyone to have hoaxed this event would have required something on the scale of a major motion picture crew. There was simply no way to have moved equipment like this onto these sheer slopes. It would have caused quite a commotion in the suburbs below if a crew of that magnitude had traversed those sheer cliffs that day. The area would have been swarming with lookie-loos. At the end of the two hours and fifteen minutes, the light, which by now had split into two candle-flame colored round lights, turned to brilliant red, shot out a lightning bolt of energy and vanished. We saw a golden streak shoot through the sky towards the direction of the ancient volcano, Topochico. And the energy was gone. It was not until this point that we fully appreciated that
1) we'd been standing up for all that time, and
2) our hair had stood on end the entire time.

As a side note, I want to report that when we first got out of the vehicle at the base of the mountain, I heard crickets chirping in stereophonic synchronicity. One would chirp on our right, then one would chirp on our left. The chirping was loud and distinct. When I heard it, I told my teammates that it was significant. I had heard similar chirping prior to another major encounter in the past. It was moments later that the gigantic craft illuminated before us.

Eventful Trip Home:

We signaled to our drivers to bring up the Suburban. When they arrived, we learned that the men had gone to a vantage point and had seen everything, giving us two independent witnesses. In fact, from their extra distance the light was not so blinding and they were able to discern the craft. They both reported seeing a very large disc-shaped craft with a domed top. The men were extremely excited. They said they felt bonded now, like brothers. The American's husband said that his life would never be the same again.

As we were riding on our 30-minute drive home, Dr. Greer remarked that he felt the ETs would follow us. Within a minute, the man in front was exclaiming, "la luz, la luz!" (the light, the light!) We could then see that the gigantic light was visible from the road, showing itself to us on the opposite side of the mountain from where it had been at our field site! We stopped at a closed gas station, signaled and videoed (which came out fuzzy and blurred). You will recall that, of all nights, our videographer was not with us this night. Coincidence or orchestrated by the ETs? So many such things happen that we have to ponder the possibility. This time, the light was not appearing as two lights side by side. Instead, they were two lights stacked one on top the other. We continued to observe it on the remainder of the homeward ride, stopping twice more to observe.

When we arrived home, we climbed up to our flat roof. We could still see it, even though the entire valley of the city of Monterrey was now between us, the back side of Las Mitres and the rest of the range. The lights were still there. They had changed position again and were now staggered, one atop the other. They had been so bright that we could see the rock face behind it illuminated. As we watched, the lights dimmed down to about half their luminosity.

The Craft Revealed:

At this point, we could clearly see the structure of the craft. It was indeed a large disc with a sloped dome on top. By measuring with fingers at arm's length, Dr. Greer determined that the craft was between one-half to one full city block in size. As the birds began to sing and the sky began to lighten, we bid goodbye and heartfelt thanks to our visitors for these remarkable experiences and went inside to sleep, and dream of them.

Shari Adamiak, Executive Director, CSETI ________________________

Final Notes:

I wish to advise that the three persons who interacted with the craft as described above included three very responsible and stable individuals. Dr. Greer is a practicing trauma physician, father of four, world-renowned expert on extraterrestrial intelligence. He is the founder of CSETI, and the visionary and guiding force of it. Our teammate from New York is cofounder of a research foundation and is personal friends with world leaders in both the political and private sectors. And I myself have been educated in the sciences and the law and worked for many years as a paralegal, which gives me a logical mind upon which to base my ongoing extraterrestrial experiences. - Shari Adamiak

https://preview.redd.it/zhfu18audm0d1.jpg?width=344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f389a123a7409d52ac52d37abbd087820390d231
I describe how I first met Shari in 1992. It was an experience that I will never forget:
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/03/05/i-meet-shari-adamiak-the-first-ce-5-working-group-coordinato

Shari Adamiak was a dedicated, disciplined volunteer contact worker who I had the honor to serve with as a fellow CE-5 Working Group Coordinator from 1992 till 1998. I honor her memory by posting her report describing an amazing encounter in Monterrey Mexico in 1994.

In the in-depth document posted below prolonged telepathic exchanges reportedly occurred with two types of non-human beings, very small ones and a larger humanoid being.

Joseph Burkes MD 2024

https://preview.redd.it/qys8avaedm0d1.jpg?width=344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=524ae0aad8b8a067c3607fdbeb10fad8cac5c6cd
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FIFTH KIND IN MONTERREY,
MEXICO - DECEMBER 1994
By Shari Adamiak ©1995, Executive Director of CSETI

Introduction:
The following is an account - from my point of view - of events that occurred during a CSETI investigative team activation to Monterrey, Mexico in December of 1994. While necessarily somewhat subjective based on my own experiences, every attempt has been made to present an accurate depiction of events that were experienced by myself and our team.
CSETI Reacts to Flap in Mexico:
After seeing a tape of a "Hard Copy" program showing an active wave of UFO activity in Monterrey, Mexico - the third largest metropolis in Mexico - we made an effort to contact the researcher who had taken those videos. Santiago Yturria is a thorough researcher and skilled videographer who, along with Diana Perla Chapa, the host of a popular live talk show on Mexican network television, has had a UFO group for over 20 years in the state of Nuevo Leone.

Dr. Steven Greer, international director of CSETI, activated a CSETI Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) to Monterrey to investigate this current flap. Santiago, Diana, and the entire Ovni Club of N.L. assisted us, took us to sites, shared their evidence and graciously welcomed us to Monterrey. Dr. Greer, myself, a woman from New York and a man, also a videographer, from Minneapolis made up the CSETI team. (Names furnished upon request.)
Consciousness Connections:

Lucid dream activity played a significant role in the events that unfolded in Monterrey. Three of the team had dreams that proved to be portents of happenings on this project. I had a dream in the early hours of December 13th. In it, the extraterrestrials were showing us the spot where we should come in order to have a meeting with them. They showed me aerial views, in stop motion - each one closer to the ground - and marked the site with a strobing turquoise laser pattern. They showed me a view from the ground, looking up at some steep peaks, and showed it to me both in day and nighttime views. The night view revealed two stars in a particular configuration over one of the peaks.

That very afternoon, Santiago and his friends drove us to Las Mitres mountains, well known as an area of many sightings of UFOs. As we approached, it dawned on me that it was identical to what I was shown in my dream. We decided to use the spot as our field research site that night. When we came to Las Mitres (so named because the mountain peaks resemble a bishop's miter hat) that night, the two stars were indeed in the sky in the same position as I had seen in my lucid dream.

The Team Gets to Work:

The CSETI team had observed some anomalous objects in the sky at two different sites on the nights of December 11th and 12th, but the next two nights, the 13th and 14th at the Las Mitres sites, proved to be exceptional. The Las Mitres mountains contain a large cave where the local investigators believe that spacecraft conceal themselves when coming to the Monterrey area. And, unusually dense low clouds were known to form over the cave and other parts of the peaks very quickly. On the night of December 13th, the entire CSETI team set up camp at the base of Las Mitres. We were joined by an American woman who was a friend of one of our teammates, who was married to a Mexican man and living in Monterrey. She had arranged our lodging and transportation for us.

Around 10:30 pm, following our first Coherent Thought Sequencing (a CSETI protocol) session, we observed a very bright light that appeared in the zenith of the sky, traveling rapidly in an upward arc that terminated in the center of the constellation Orion. At 10:45 pm, very dense clouds materialized within a minute on parts of the sheer mountain cliffs.
The Close Encounters Begin:

At approximately 1:00 am, Dr. Greer and another team member were standing slightly down the gravel road when they observed a bright, strobe-like white light to appear at the edge of the mountain. At about the same time, I had gotten up and walked closer towards the brush at the base of the mountain. Dr. Greer looked for me to tell me of the strobe light and found me at the spot where it had appeared. As we stood there, another round light came rolling down the side of the steep slope. Just then, I felt some invisible energy that felt as if it were gently pulling me in deeper to the brush. Both Dr. Greer and I felt there was a presence nearby that, from past experience, led us to feel there was a spacecraft and extraterrestrial beings very nearby.

Just then, I began to perceive small, square-shouldered beings in the brush around us. They could be sensed and dimly seen, but a clear view of them wasn't possible. The little beings were extremely shy and reticent. They would scurry close to us, then backtrack quickly into the brush. We could not hear any brush moving or footsteps but we could dimly see them. To me, they seemed to have on uniforms that covered their body and legs that were a dull orange-rust color. They were very short, just up to my knees (I am 5'7"). I became aware of a telepathic message - they were concerned about our video camera, behind me to the right. I turned my head and looked. Sure enough, unknown to me previously as I had not seen it in the dark, was our teammate's professional camera set up on a tripod. I send back the mental message to them not to worry, the camera wasn't on and we wouldn't let him touch it. They seemed to trust my assurance, as the event continued to unfold. I related this two-way communication to Dr. Greer, who went back to the other three people and instructed them to stay where they were unless he called them forward.

These rich, rare exchanges with what appear to be extraterrestrial life forms are very delicate scenarios. Any sudden, rash or extreme emotion or movement can thwart the entire event and bring it to a screeching halt, and the extraterrestrials vanish. Sometimes our second-guessing of what is needed to allow an event to unfold in all its possible fullness is accurate; sometimes it is not. It is almost like hesitant dance partners, longing but afraid to get closer. Until we as a people are more accepting of close contact with extraterrestrials, our interactions are likely to continue in this way.

I could mentally 'hear' concerned conversation going on amongst the small beings. They eventually conveyed to me the message, again mentally, that they were having difficulty adjusting our energies in preparation for a meeting because my physical energy was concentrated on my stomach, trying to digest some food. Just before all this began, I had eaten about a half of a Power Bar, a dense protein energy food. It was cold and hard from being in my gear bag for hours and I could feel it kind of just laying in my stomach. At this point, I sent a very deliberate message to the life forms: "I give you permission to take it out of my body". Suddenly, I felt as if someone were standing some distance away with a fishing line whose hook was inside my stomach. It felt as if someone were slowing reeling in the line as the food came back out the way it went in. Now, I detest vomiting more than almost anything and I was struck by the gentleness that was used in removing this food from my body. It was only mildly unpleasant. Dr. Greer, an emergency physician, asked me if I was alright. I told him that I was fine and that this was being done with my permission. After this little purging, the energy felt softer, with less intense vibration.

Soon the little beings sent both Dr. Greer and I the message that if we removed our glasses, we would be able to see them better. Although I normally use contact lenses, glasses are preferable for field work when wind and dust often get blown into my eyes, plus the fact that we are often in the field until the wee hours of the morning. After receiving this message, we each removed our glasses. One last request from the little ETs - that we remove our hats (it had been a chilly night.) At this point, I could actually feel a harmonious flow of energy between us, the little beings, and some other unseen source.

Another Being is Perceived:

At this point, the small life forms disappeared. Shafts of golden light began to come from an unknown, unseen source and lay across the bushes in front of us. We learned later that the three other team members behind us could see this as well, although they had not been able to perceive the small beings. I could feel one of these shafts of light approach me and fill my torso with a warm, golden glow. After the light rays faded, a large oval of bluish fog began to form about ten feet in front of us. As the blue mist began to coalesce, Dr. Greer and I became aware of a being within it. Although again we could see him only dimly, he appeared very humanoid, tall, with long and straight silverish hair. He appeared to be clothed in a light blue and silver uniform.

We learned later that one team member saw a tendril of the blue fog travel along the ground towards her. It frightened her a little until the mist reached her foot and began to send wisps around her feet. She later told us that there was a gentle kindness about the fog and all misgivings vanished. However, our American friend who was not an actual team member became very frightened by the golden light and blue fog.

We learned later that it was all too much for her - something the extraterrestrial would tell us. For as we stood there facing one another, the tall being sent us a message that they would very much like to manifest more fully in the physical to meet with us, but that if they did so, one of our team members would be dangerously frightened. Their caution and concern were touching. And a far cry from the crying wolf that goes on so often when extraterrestrials are said to be heartless, devoid of feeling, and out to harm human beings. We in CSETI feel that this type of encounter points up the absolute need and appropriateness of doing real-time field work in our efforts to learn exactly what these beings are all about.

It is important, and interesting, to note that both Dr. Greer and myself received nearly identical mental messages each time there was a communication from the extraterrestrial.

Dr. Greer and I consulted one another and decided to send a joint message. We told the tall being that if they could not come to us, it was okay with us if they could take us to where they were. We could sense this was being discussed with a 'central command control', or his more senior team members. Dr. Greer and I saw a copper-gold sphere, ten to twelve feet in diameter, begin to coalesce to the left of the tall being. It never reached material solidity but soon began to disperse. The tall being then sent us a message that it would frighten our teammates just as much to see us disappear in front of their eyes as it would for the ETs to manifest right there. At this time, we had no idea that any member of our team was having difficulty coping with these events.
Soon Again, Soon Again:

Finally, after what seemed like a few moments, the tall being sent us a message that they would not be able to manifest fully in the physical this night. But they sent a message: "soon again; soon again". At this point, Dr. Greer went back to speak with the other team members and I stayed put. For the next five minutes, the being and I exchanged blessings to each other, to our teams. It was poignant and lovely. I cannot recall any of the actual 'words' or specific communications; it was not a left-brained exchange, but was beyond the bounds of linear thought.

Their Reluctance is Proven Out:

When I joined the others, I learned that our American friend had become extremely frightened, so much so that she had taken refuge in our vehicle. We had designated the big Suburban as the 'safe area". We do this on all our field research - setting aside a specific enclosure that any team member can go to if unfolding events prove fearful to them. In fact, it is our policy to send a 'buddy' along, who remains with them the entire time they wish to stay in the safe area. We divide into buddies at the beginning of our field session so that each team member is accounted for, and accountable, at all times. She told us that if she had seen anything more from the ETs, she would have run screaming down the mountainside.

Preparation is Key:

Her reactions impressed upon us the importance of training for each team member. It served as a strong reminder to us to be more stringent in adherence to our policies regarding untrained guests who wanted to join our field work. Much to my surprise, Dr. Greer and I learned from our teammates that we had been standing there, exchanging communication with the extraterrestrials, for nearly two hours. We both thought no more than thirty minutes had elapsed. By this time, it was nearly 3:00 am, so we broke camp and went home.

The Encounters Continue:

The following day was a busy one with an appearance on Diana Chapa's live TV show in the morning, a field trip to another site in the afternoon, and a talk at the Ovni Club that evening. It was about 11:30 pm by the time we were driving up the narrow road to our Las Mitres site. Interestingly, our videographer teammate was absent from field work. He had decided to stay in the city to visit his friend and her son. As the Suburban headed up the gravel lane, Dr. Greer and I simultaneously observed a small, bright light on the side of Las Mitres. We knew from the previous night that there was no light normally in that area. Tonight we also had with us our American friend's Mexican husband. He and our driver assured us there were no houses, no power lines, no roads, nothing on the sheer cliffs of Las Mitres.

As we came to the base of the mountain, Dr. Greer jumped from the Suburban while it was still rolling. The other woman and I jumped out and grabbed the bare necessities of field gear: a 500,000-candle power portable halogen light, our night vision scope, binoculars, a small camcorder, and a hand-held micro-cassette recorder.

Because of the reaction by an untrained participant the previous night, we sent our driver and his friend down the road. We told them we could not afford any panic this night. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the men went to a spot at the bottom of the road where they could clearly see the events that unfolded.

Are We in a Spielberg Movie?:

Dr. Greer grabbed the halogen light and sent a signal to the star-like light on the hillside. Instantly, the light transformed into a gigantic, brilliant round beam that shot light down the entire mountainside! We were astonished. It came close to being the time we always joke about - when events are so incredible that we'll wish we had on "Depends" undergarments! We continued to have a Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind - a human-initiated or human-interactive experience - with this craft for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. An exchange like this, with a team in the field, is unprecedented. During the lengthy encounter, we sent light signals to the craft. The craft would signal back to us in the exact same sequence. Then its lights would extinguish. Within a few minutes, it would again illuminate and initiate a signal to us. This went on and on. Twice during this time period, we saw the shadows of beings walking in front of the blinding beam. At times, the beam would rotate upon itself, appearing to the left of its original position - then back where it was. Once the light seemed to turn over on itself, illuminating the sparsely forested slope behind it. This was one of the times when figures were seen to move in the beam.

Hoaxability Ration - Low to Zero:

It must be emphasized that this is a very remote area devoid of roads. For anyone to have hoaxed this event would have required something on the scale of a major motion picture crew. There was simply no way to have moved equipment like this onto these sheer slopes. It would have caused quite a commotion in the suburbs below if a crew of that magnitude had traversed those sheer cliffs that day. The area would have been swarming with lookie-loos. At the end of the two hours and fifteen minutes, the light, which by now had split into two candle-flame colored round lights, turned to brilliant red, shot out a lightning bolt of energy and vanished. We saw a golden streak shoot through the sky towards the direction of the ancient volcano, Topochico. And the energy was gone. It was not until this point that we fully appreciated that
1) we'd been standing up for all that time, and
2) our hair had stood on end the entire time.

As a side note, I want to report that when we first got out of the vehicle at the base of the mountain, I heard crickets chirping in stereophonic synchronicity. One would chirp on our right, then one would chirp on our left. The chirping was loud and distinct. When I heard it, I told my teammates that it was significant. I had heard similar chirping prior to another major encounter in the past. It was moments later that the gigantic craft illuminated before us.

Eventful Trip Home:

We signaled to our drivers to bring up the Suburban. When they arrived, we learned that the men had gone to a vantage point and had seen everything, giving us two independent witnesses. In fact, from their extra distance the light was not so blinding and they were able to discern the craft. They both reported seeing a very large disc-shaped craft with a domed top. The men were extremely excited. They said they felt bonded now, like brothers. The American's husband said that his life would never be the same again.

As we were riding on our 30-minute drive home, Dr. Greer remarked that he felt the ETs would follow us. Within a minute, the man in front was exclaiming, "la luz, la luz!" (the light, the light!) We could then see that the gigantic light was visible from the road, showing itself to us on the opposite side of the mountain from where it had been at our field site! We stopped at a closed gas station, signaled and videoed (which came out fuzzy and blurred). You will recall that, of all nights, our videographer was not with us this night. Coincidence or orchestrated by the ETs? So many such things happen that we have to ponder the possibility. This time, the light was not appearing as two lights side by side. Instead, they were two lights stacked one on top the other. We continued to observe it on the remainder of the homeward ride, stopping twice more to observe.

When we arrived home, we climbed up to our flat roof. We could still see it, even though the entire valley of the city of Monterrey was now between us, the back side of Las Mitres and the rest of the range. The lights were still there. They had changed position again and were now staggered, one atop the other. They had been so bright that we could see the rock face behind it illuminated. As we watched, the lights dimmed down to about half their luminosity.

The Craft Revealed:

At this point, we could clearly see the structure of the craft. It was indeed a large disc with a sloped dome on top. By measuring with fingers at arm's length, Dr. Greer determined that the craft was between one-half to one full city block in size. As the birds began to sing and the sky began to lighten, we bid goodbye and heartfelt thanks to our visitors for these remarkable experiences and went inside to sleep, and dream of them.

Shari Adamiak, Executive Director, CSETI ________________________

Final Notes:

I wish to advise that the three persons who interacted with the craft as described above included three very responsible and stable individuals. Dr. Greer is a practicing trauma physician, father of four, world-renowned expert on extraterrestrial intelligence. He is the founder of CSETI, and the visionary and guiding force of it. Our teammate from New York is cofounder of a research foundation and is personal friends with world leaders in both the political and private sectors. And I myself have been educated in the sciences and the law and worked for many years as a paralegal, which gives me a logical mind upon which to base my ongoing extraterrestrial experiences. - Shari Adamiak

I describe how I first met Shari in 1992. It was an experience that I will never forget:
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/03/05/i-meet-shari-adamiak-the-first-ce-5-working-group-coordinato

Shari Adamiak was a dedicated, disciplined volunteer contact worker who I had the honor to serve with as a fellow CE-5 Working Group Coordinator from 1992 till 1998. I honor her memory by posting her report describing an amazing encounter in Monterrey Mexico in 1994.

In the in-depth document posted below prolonged telepathic exchanges reportedly occurred with two types of non-human beings, very small ones and a larger humanoid being.

Joseph Burkes MD 2024

https://preview.redd.it/1p03urq5dm0d1.jpg?width=344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=723db6453b0c0f1ac49bba85d7ac5345d1f47a46
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FIFTH KIND IN MONTERREY,
MEXICO - DECEMBER 1994
By Shari Adamiak ©1995, Executive Director of CSETI

Introduction:
The following is an account - from my point of view - of events that occurred during a CSETI investigative team activation to Monterrey, Mexico in December of 1994. While necessarily somewhat subjective based on my own experiences, every attempt has been made to present an accurate depiction of events that were experienced by myself and our team.
CSETI Reacts to Flap in Mexico:
After seeing a tape of a "Hard Copy" program showing an active wave of UFO activity in Monterrey, Mexico - the third largest metropolis in Mexico - we made an effort to contact the researcher who had taken those videos. Santiago Yturria is a thorough researcher and skilled videographer who, along with Diana Perla Chapa, the host of a popular live talk show on Mexican network television, has had a UFO group for over 20 years in the state of Nuevo Leone.

Dr. Steven Greer, international director of CSETI, activated a CSETI Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) to Monterrey to investigate this current flap. Santiago, Diana, and the entire Ovni Club of N.L. assisted us, took us to sites, shared their evidence and graciously welcomed us to Monterrey. Dr. Greer, myself, a woman from New York and a man, also a videographer, from Minneapolis made up the CSETI team. (Names furnished upon request.)
Consciousness Connections:

Lucid dream activity played a significant role in the events that unfolded in Monterrey. Three of the team had dreams that proved to be portents of happenings on this project. I had a dream in the early hours of December 13th. In it, the extraterrestrials were showing us the spot where we should come in order to have a meeting with them. They showed me aerial views, in stop motion - each one closer to the ground - and marked the site with a strobing turquoise laser pattern. They showed me a view from the ground, looking up at some steep peaks, and showed it to me both in day and nighttime views. The night view revealed two stars in a particular configuration over one of the peaks.

That very afternoon, Santiago and his friends drove us to Las Mitres mountains, well known as an area of many sightings of UFOs. As we approached, it dawned on me that it was identical to what I was shown in my dream. We decided to use the spot as our field research site that night. When we came to Las Mitres (so named because the mountain peaks resemble a bishop's miter hat) that night, the two stars were indeed in the sky in the same position as I had seen in my lucid dream.

The Team Gets to Work:

The CSETI team had observed some anomalous objects in the sky at two different sites on the nights of December 11th and 12th, but the next two nights, the 13th and 14th at the Las Mitres sites, proved to be exceptional. The Las Mitres mountains contain a large cave where the local investigators believe that spacecraft conceal themselves when coming to the Monterrey area. And, unusually dense low clouds were known to form over the cave and other parts of the peaks very quickly. On the night of December 13th, the entire CSETI team set up camp at the base of Las Mitres. We were joined by an American woman who was a friend of one of our teammates, who was married to a Mexican man and living in Monterrey. She had arranged our lodging and transportation for us.

Around 10:30 pm, following our first Coherent Thought Sequencing (a CSETI protocol) session, we observed a very bright light that appeared in the zenith of the sky, traveling rapidly in an upward arc that terminated in the center of the constellation Orion. At 10:45 pm, very dense clouds materialized within a minute on parts of the sheer mountain cliffs.
The Close Encounters Begin:

At approximately 1:00 am, Dr. Greer and another team member were standing slightly down the gravel road when they observed a bright, strobe-like white light to appear at the edge of the mountain. At about the same time, I had gotten up and walked closer towards the brush at the base of the mountain. Dr. Greer looked for me to tell me of the strobe light and found me at the spot where it had appeared. As we stood there, another round light came rolling down the side of the steep slope. Just then, I felt some invisible energy that felt as if it were gently pulling me in deeper to the brush. Both Dr. Greer and I felt there was a presence nearby that, from past experience, led us to feel there was a spacecraft and extraterrestrial beings very nearby.

Just then, I began to perceive small, square-shouldered beings in the brush around us. They could be sensed and dimly seen, but a clear view of them wasn't possible. The little beings were extremely shy and reticent. They would scurry close to us, then backtrack quickly into the brush. We could not hear any brush moving or footsteps but we could dimly see them. To me, they seemed to have on uniforms that covered their body and legs that were a dull orange-rust color. They were very short, just up to my knees (I am 5'7"). I became aware of a telepathic message - they were concerned about our video camera, behind me to the right. I turned my head and looked. Sure enough, unknown to me previously as I had not seen it in the dark, was our teammate's professional camera set up on a tripod. I send back the mental message to them not to worry, the camera wasn't on and we wouldn't let him touch it. They seemed to trust my assurance, as the event continued to unfold. I related this two-way communication to Dr. Greer, who went back to the other three people and instructed them to stay where they were unless he called them forward.

These rich, rare exchanges with what appear to be extraterrestrial life forms are very delicate scenarios. Any sudden, rash or extreme emotion or movement can thwart the entire event and bring it to a screeching halt, and the extraterrestrials vanish. Sometimes our second-guessing of what is needed to allow an event to unfold in all its possible fullness is accurate; sometimes it is not. It is almost like hesitant dance partners, longing but afraid to get closer. Until we as a people are more accepting of close contact with extraterrestrials, our interactions are likely to continue in this way.

I could mentally 'hear' concerned conversation going on amongst the small beings. They eventually conveyed to me the message, again mentally, that they were having difficulty adjusting our energies in preparation for a meeting because my physical energy was concentrated on my stomach, trying to digest some food. Just before all this began, I had eaten about a half of a Power Bar, a dense protein energy food. It was cold and hard from being in my gear bag for hours and I could feel it kind of just laying in my stomach. At this point, I sent a very deliberate message to the life forms: "I give you permission to take it out of my body". Suddenly, I felt as if someone were standing some distance away with a fishing line whose hook was inside my stomach. It felt as if someone were slowing reeling in the line as the food came back out the way it went in. Now, I detest vomiting more than almost anything and I was struck by the gentleness that was used in removing this food from my body. It was only mildly unpleasant. Dr. Greer, an emergency physician, asked me if I was alright. I told him that I was fine and that this was being done with my permission. After this little purging, the energy felt softer, with less intense vibration.

Soon the little beings sent both Dr. Greer and I the message that if we removed our glasses, we would be able to see them better. Although I normally use contact lenses, glasses are preferable for field work when wind and dust often get blown into my eyes, plus the fact that we are often in the field until the wee hours of the morning. After receiving this message, we each removed our glasses. One last request from the little ETs - that we remove our hats (it had been a chilly night.) At this point, I could actually feel a harmonious flow of energy between us, the little beings, and some other unseen source.

Another Being is Perceived:

At this point, the small life forms disappeared. Shafts of golden light began to come from an unknown, unseen source and lay across the bushes in front of us. We learned later that the three other team members behind us could see this as well, although they had not been able to perceive the small beings. I could feel one of these shafts of light approach me and fill my torso with a warm, golden glow. After the light rays faded, a large oval of bluish fog began to form about ten feet in front of us. As the blue mist began to coalesce, Dr. Greer and I became aware of a being within it. Although again we could see him only dimly, he appeared very humanoid, tall, with long and straight silverish hair. He appeared to be clothed in a light blue and silver uniform.

We learned later that one team member saw a tendril of the blue fog travel along the ground towards her. It frightened her a little until the mist reached her foot and began to send wisps around her feet. She later told us that there was a gentle kindness about the fog and all misgivings vanished. However, our American friend who was not an actual team member became very frightened by the golden light and blue fog.

We learned later that it was all too much for her - something the extraterrestrial would tell us. For as we stood there facing one another, the tall being sent us a message that they would very much like to manifest more fully in the physical to meet with us, but that if they did so, one of our team members would be dangerously frightened. Their caution and concern were touching. And a far cry from the crying wolf that goes on so often when extraterrestrials are said to be heartless, devoid of feeling, and out to harm human beings. We in CSETI feel that this type of encounter points up the absolute need and appropriateness of doing real-time field work in our efforts to learn exactly what these beings are all about.

It is important, and interesting, to note that both Dr. Greer and myself received nearly identical mental messages each time there was a communication from the extraterrestrial.

Dr. Greer and I consulted one another and decided to send a joint message. We told the tall being that if they could not come to us, it was okay with us if they could take us to where they were. We could sense this was being discussed with a 'central command control', or his more senior team members. Dr. Greer and I saw a copper-gold sphere, ten to twelve feet in diameter, begin to coalesce to the left of the tall being. It never reached material solidity but soon began to disperse. The tall being then sent us a message that it would frighten our teammates just as much to see us disappear in front of their eyes as it would for the ETs to manifest right there. At this time, we had no idea that any member of our team was having difficulty coping with these events.
Soon Again, Soon Again:

Finally, after what seemed like a few moments, the tall being sent us a message that they would not be able to manifest fully in the physical this night. But they sent a message: "soon again; soon again". At this point, Dr. Greer went back to speak with the other team members and I stayed put. For the next five minutes, the being and I exchanged blessings to each other, to our teams. It was poignant and lovely. I cannot recall any of the actual 'words' or specific communications; it was not a left-brained exchange, but was beyond the bounds of linear thought.

Their Reluctance is Proven Out:

When I joined the others, I learned that our American friend had become extremely frightened, so much so that she had taken refuge in our vehicle. We had designated the big Suburban as the 'safe area". We do this on all our field research - setting aside a specific enclosure that any team member can go to if unfolding events prove fearful to them. In fact, it is our policy to send a 'buddy' along, who remains with them the entire time they wish to stay in the safe area. We divide into buddies at the beginning of our field session so that each team member is accounted for, and accountable, at all times. She told us that if she had seen anything more from the ETs, she would have run screaming down the mountainside.

Preparation is Key:

Her reactions impressed upon us the importance of training for each team member. It served as a strong reminder to us to be more stringent in adherence to our policies regarding untrained guests who wanted to join our field work. Much to my surprise, Dr. Greer and I learned from our teammates that we had been standing there, exchanging communication with the extraterrestrials, for nearly two hours. We both thought no more than thirty minutes had elapsed. By this time, it was nearly 3:00 am, so we broke camp and went home.

The Encounters Continue:

The following day was a busy one with an appearance on Diana Chapa's live TV show in the morning, a field trip to another site in the afternoon, and a talk at the Ovni Club that evening. It was about 11:30 pm by the time we were driving up the narrow road to our Las Mitres site. Interestingly, our videographer teammate was absent from field work. He had decided to stay in the city to visit his friend and her son. As the Suburban headed up the gravel lane, Dr. Greer and I simultaneously observed a small, bright light on the side of Las Mitres. We knew from the previous night that there was no light normally in that area. Tonight we also had with us our American friend's Mexican husband. He and our driver assured us there were no houses, no power lines, no roads, nothing on the sheer cliffs of Las Mitres.

As we came to the base of the mountain, Dr. Greer jumped from the Suburban while it was still rolling. The other woman and I jumped out and grabbed the bare necessities of field gear: a 500,000-candle power portable halogen light, our night vision scope, binoculars, a small camcorder, and a hand-held micro-cassette recorder.

Because of the reaction by an untrained participant the previous night, we sent our driver and his friend down the road. We told them we could not afford any panic this night. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the men went to a spot at the bottom of the road where they could clearly see the events that unfolded.

Are We in a Spielberg Movie?:

Dr. Greer grabbed the halogen light and sent a signal to the star-like light on the hillside. Instantly, the light transformed into a gigantic, brilliant round beam that shot light down the entire mountainside! We were astonished. It came close to being the time we always joke about - when events are so incredible that we'll wish we had on "Depends" undergarments! We continued to have a Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind - a human-initiated or human-interactive experience - with this craft for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. An exchange like this, with a team in the field, is unprecedented. During the lengthy encounter, we sent light signals to the craft. The craft would signal back to us in the exact same sequence. Then its lights would extinguish. Within a few minutes, it would again illuminate and initiate a signal to us. This went on and on. Twice during this time period, we saw the shadows of beings walking in front of the blinding beam. At times, the beam would rotate upon itself, appearing to the left of its original position - then back where it was. Once the light seemed to turn over on itself, illuminating the sparsely forested slope behind it. This was one of the times when figures were seen to move in the beam.

Hoaxability Ration - Low to Zero:

It must be emphasized that this is a very remote area devoid of roads. For anyone to have hoaxed this event would have required something on the scale of a major motion picture crew. There was simply no way to have moved equipment like this onto these sheer slopes. It would have caused quite a commotion in the suburbs below if a crew of that magnitude had traversed those sheer cliffs that day. The area would have been swarming with lookie-loos. At the end of the two hours and fifteen minutes, the light, which by now had split into two candle-flame colored round lights, turned to brilliant red, shot out a lightning bolt of energy and vanished. We saw a golden streak shoot through the sky towards the direction of the ancient volcano, Topochico. And the energy was gone. It was not until this point that we fully appreciated that
1) we'd been standing up for all that time, and
2) our hair had stood on end the entire time.

As a side note, I want to report that when we first got out of the vehicle at the base of the mountain, I heard crickets chirping in stereophonic synchronicity. One would chirp on our right, then one would chirp on our left. The chirping was loud and distinct. When I heard it, I told my teammates that it was significant. I had heard similar chirping prior to another major encounter in the past. It was moments later that the gigantic craft illuminated before us.

Eventful Trip Home:

We signaled to our drivers to bring up the Suburban. When they arrived, we learned that the men had gone to a vantage point and had seen everything, giving us two independent witnesses. In fact, from their extra distance the light was not so blinding and they were able to discern the craft. They both reported seeing a very large disc-shaped craft with a domed top. The men were extremely excited. They said they felt bonded now, like brothers. The American's husband said that his life would never be the same again.

As we were riding on our 30-minute drive home, Dr. Greer remarked that he felt the ETs would follow us. Within a minute, the man in front was exclaiming, "la luz, la luz!" (the light, the light!) We could then see that the gigantic light was visible from the road, showing itself to us on the opposite side of the mountain from where it had been at our field site! We stopped at a closed gas station, signaled and videoed (which came out fuzzy and blurred). You will recall that, of all nights, our videographer was not with us this night. Coincidence or orchestrated by the ETs? So many such things happen that we have to ponder the possibility. This time, the light was not appearing as two lights side by side. Instead, they were two lights stacked one on top the other. We continued to observe it on the remainder of the homeward ride, stopping twice more to observe.

When we arrived home, we climbed up to our flat roof. We could still see it, even though the entire valley of the city of Monterrey was now between us, the back side of Las Mitres and the rest of the range. The lights were still there. They had changed position again and were now staggered, one atop the other. They had been so bright that we could see the rock face behind it illuminated. As we watched, the lights dimmed down to about half their luminosity.

The Craft Revealed:

At this point, we could clearly see the structure of the craft. It was indeed a large disc with a sloped dome on top. By measuring with fingers at arm's length, Dr. Greer determined that the craft was between one-half to one full city block in size. As the birds began to sing and the sky began to lighten, we bid goodbye and heartfelt thanks to our visitors for these remarkable experiences and went inside to sleep, and dream of them.

Shari Adamiak, Executive Director, CSETI ________________________

Final Notes:

I wish to advise that the three persons who interacted with the craft as described above included three very responsible and stable individuals. Dr. Greer is a practicing trauma physician, father of four, world-renowned expert on extraterrestrial intelligence. He is the founder of CSETI, and the visionary and guiding force of it. Our teammate from New York is cofounder of a research foundation and is personal friends with world leaders in both the political and private sectors. And I myself have been educated in the sciences and the law and worked for many years as a paralegal, which gives me a logical mind upon which to base my ongoing extraterrestrial experiences. - Shari Adamiak

I describe how I first met Shari in 1992. It was an experience that I will never forget:
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/03/05/i-meet-shari-adamiak-the-first-ce-5-working-group-coordinato

Shari Adamiak was a dedicated, disciplined volunteer contact worker who I had the honor to serve with as a fellow CE-5 Working Group Coordinator from 1992 till 1998. I honor her memory by posting her report describing an amazing encounter in Monterrey Mexico in 1994.

In the report posted below, a prolonged telepathic exchanges reportedly occurred with two types of non-human beings, very small ones and a larger humanoid being.

Joseph Burkes MD 2024

https://preview.redd.it/3n19p6awbm0d1.jpg?width=344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ab154ed65a2403a5660ab1f927065c2b7016ff9
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FIFTH KIND IN MONTERREY,
MEXICO - DECEMBER 1994
By Shari Adamiak ©1995, Executive Director of CSETI

Introduction:
The following is an account - from my point of view - of events that occurred during a CSETI investigative team activation to Monterrey, Mexico in December of 1994. While necessarily somewhat subjective based on my own experiences, every attempt has been made to present an accurate depiction of events that were experienced by myself and our team.
CSETI Reacts to Flap in Mexico:
After seeing a tape of a "Hard Copy" program showing an active wave of UFO activity in Monterrey, Mexico - the third largest metropolis in Mexico - we made an effort to contact the researcher who had taken those videos. Santiago Yturria is a thorough researcher and skilled videographer who, along with Diana Perla Chapa, the host of a popular live talk show on Mexican network television, has had a UFO group for over 20 years in the state of Nuevo Leone.

Dr. Steven Greer, international director of CSETI, activated a CSETI Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) to Monterrey to investigate this current flap. Santiago, Diana, and the entire Ovni Club of N.L. assisted us, took us to sites, shared their evidence and graciously welcomed us to Monterrey. Dr. Greer, myself, a woman from New York and a man, also a videographer, from Minneapolis made up the CSETI team. (Names furnished upon request.)
Consciousness Connections:

Lucid dream activity played a significant role in the events that unfolded in Monterrey. Three of the team had dreams that proved to be portents of happenings on this project. I had a dream in the early hours of December 13th. In it, the extraterrestrials were showing us the spot where we should come in order to have a meeting with them. They showed me aerial views, in stop motion - each one closer to the ground - and marked the site with a strobing turquoise laser pattern. They showed me a view from the ground, looking up at some steep peaks, and showed it to me both in day and nighttime views. The night view revealed two stars in a particular configuration over one of the peaks.

That very afternoon, Santiago and his friends drove us to Las Mitres mountains, well known as an area of many sightings of UFOs. As we approached, it dawned on me that it was identical to what I was shown in my dream. We decided to use the spot as our field research site that night. When we came to Las Mitres (so named because the mountain peaks resemble a bishop's miter hat) that night, the two stars were indeed in the sky in the same position as I had seen in my lucid dream.

The Team Gets to Work:

The CSETI team had observed some anomalous objects in the sky at two different sites on the nights of December 11th and 12th, but the next two nights, the 13th and 14th at the Las Mitres sites, proved to be exceptional. The Las Mitres mountains contain a large cave where the local investigators believe that spacecraft conceal themselves when coming to the Monterrey area. And, unusually dense low clouds were known to form over the cave and other parts of the peaks very quickly. On the night of December 13th, the entire CSETI team set up camp at the base of Las Mitres. We were joined by an American woman who was a friend of one of our teammates, who was married to a Mexican man and living in Monterrey. She had arranged our lodging and transportation for us.

Around 10:30 pm, following our first Coherent Thought Sequencing (a CSETI protocol) session, we observed a very bright light that appeared in the zenith of the sky, traveling rapidly in an upward arc that terminated in the center of the constellation Orion. At 10:45 pm, very dense clouds materialized within a minute on parts of the sheer mountain cliffs.
The Close Encounters Begin:

At approximately 1:00 am, Dr. Greer and another team member were standing slightly down the gravel road when they observed a bright, strobe-like white light to appear at the edge of the mountain. At about the same time, I had gotten up and walked closer towards the brush at the base of the mountain. Dr. Greer looked for me to tell me of the strobe light and found me at the spot where it had appeared. As we stood there, another round light came rolling down the side of the steep slope. Just then, I felt some invisible energy that felt as if it were gently pulling me in deeper to the brush. Both Dr. Greer and I felt there was a presence nearby that, from past experience, led us to feel there was a spacecraft and extraterrestrial beings very nearby.

Just then, I began to perceive small, square-shouldered beings in the brush around us. They could be sensed and dimly seen, but a clear view of them wasn't possible. The little beings were extremely shy and reticent. They would scurry close to us, then backtrack quickly into the brush. We could not hear any brush moving or footsteps but we could dimly see them. To me, they seemed to have on uniforms that covered their body and legs that were a dull orange-rust color. They were very short, just up to my knees (I am 5'7"). I became aware of a telepathic message - they were concerned about our video camera, behind me to the right. I turned my head and looked. Sure enough, unknown to me previously as I had not seen it in the dark, was our teammate's professional camera set up on a tripod. I send back the mental message to them not to worry, the camera wasn't on and we wouldn't let him touch it. They seemed to trust my assurance, as the event continued to unfold. I related this two-way communication to Dr. Greer, who went back to the other three people and instructed them to stay where they were unless he called them forward.

These rich, rare exchanges with what appear to be extraterrestrial life forms are very delicate scenarios. Any sudden, rash or extreme emotion or movement can thwart the entire event and bring it to a screeching halt, and the extraterrestrials vanish. Sometimes our second-guessing of what is needed to allow an event to unfold in all its possible fullness is accurate; sometimes it is not. It is almost like hesitant dance partners, longing but afraid to get closer. Until we as a people are more accepting of close contact with extraterrestrials, our interactions are likely to continue in this way.

I could mentally 'hear' concerned conversation going on amongst the small beings. They eventually conveyed to me the message, again mentally, that they were having difficulty adjusting our energies in preparation for a meeting because my physical energy was concentrated on my stomach, trying to digest some food. Just before all this began, I had eaten about a half of a Power Bar, a dense protein energy food. It was cold and hard from being in my gear bag for hours and I could feel it kind of just laying in my stomach. At this point, I sent a very deliberate message to the life forms: "I give you permission to take it out of my body". Suddenly, I felt as if someone were standing some distance away with a fishing line whose hook was inside my stomach. It felt as if someone were slowing reeling in the line as the food came back out the way it went in. Now, I detest vomiting more than almost anything and I was struck by the gentleness that was used in removing this food from my body. It was only mildly unpleasant. Dr. Greer, an emergency physician, asked me if I was alright. I told him that I was fine and that this was being done with my permission. After this little purging, the energy felt softer, with less intense vibration.

Soon the little beings sent both Dr. Greer and I the message that if we removed our glasses, we would be able to see them better. Although I normally use contact lenses, glasses are preferable for field work when wind and dust often get blown into my eyes, plus the fact that we are often in the field until the wee hours of the morning. After receiving this message, we each removed our glasses. One last request from the little ETs - that we remove our hats (it had been a chilly night.) At this point, I could actually feel a harmonious flow of energy between us, the little beings, and some other unseen source.

Another Being is Perceived:

At this point, the small life forms disappeared. Shafts of golden light began to come from an unknown, unseen source and lay across the bushes in front of us. We learned later that the three other team members behind us could see this as well, although they had not been able to perceive the small beings. I could feel one of these shafts of light approach me and fill my torso with a warm, golden glow. After the light rays faded, a large oval of bluish fog began to form about ten feet in front of us. As the blue mist began to coalesce, Dr. Greer and I became aware of a being within it. Although again we could see him only dimly, he appeared very humanoid, tall, with long and straight silverish hair. He appeared to be clothed in a light blue and silver uniform.

We learned later that one team member saw a tendril of the blue fog travel along the ground towards her. It frightened her a little until the mist reached her foot and began to send wisps around her feet. She later told us that there was a gentle kindness about the fog and all misgivings vanished. However, our American friend who was not an actual team member became very frightened by the golden light and blue fog.

We learned later that it was all too much for her - something the extraterrestrial would tell us. For as we stood there facing one another, the tall being sent us a message that they would very much like to manifest more fully in the physical to meet with us, but that if they did so, one of our team members would be dangerously frightened. Their caution and concern were touching. And a far cry from the crying wolf that goes on so often when extraterrestrials are said to be heartless, devoid of feeling, and out to harm human beings. We in CSETI feel that this type of encounter points up the absolute need and appropriateness of doing real-time field work in our efforts to learn exactly what these beings are all about.

It is important, and interesting, to note that both Dr. Greer and myself received nearly identical mental messages each time there was a communication from the extraterrestrial.

Dr. Greer and I consulted one another and decided to send a joint message. We told the tall being that if they could not come to us, it was okay with us if they could take us to where they were. We could sense this was being discussed with a 'central command control', or his more senior team members. Dr. Greer and I saw a copper-gold sphere, ten to twelve feet in diameter, begin to coalesce to the left of the tall being. It never reached material solidity but soon began to disperse. The tall being then sent us a message that it would frighten our teammates just as much to see us disappear in front of their eyes as it would for the ETs to manifest right there. At this time, we had no idea that any member of our team was having difficulty coping with these events.
Soon Again, Soon Again:

Finally, after what seemed like a few moments, the tall being sent us a message that they would not be able to manifest fully in the physical this night. But they sent a message: "soon again; soon again". At this point, Dr. Greer went back to speak with the other team members and I stayed put. For the next five minutes, the being and I exchanged blessings to each other, to our teams. It was poignant and lovely. I cannot recall any of the actual 'words' or specific communications; it was not a left-brained exchange, but was beyond the bounds of linear thought.

Their Reluctance is Proven Out:

When I joined the others, I learned that our American friend had become extremely frightened, so much so that she had taken refuge in our vehicle. We had designated the big Suburban as the 'safe area". We do this on all our field research - setting aside a specific enclosure that any team member can go to if unfolding events prove fearful to them. In fact, it is our policy to send a 'buddy' along, who remains with them the entire time they wish to stay in the safe area. We divide into buddies at the beginning of our field session so that each team member is accounted for, and accountable, at all times. She told us that if she had seen anything more from the ETs, she would have run screaming down the mountainside.

Preparation is Key:

Her reactions impressed upon us the importance of training for each team member. It served as a strong reminder to us to be more stringent in adherence to our policies regarding untrained guests who wanted to join our field work. Much to my surprise, Dr. Greer and I learned from our teammates that we had been standing there, exchanging communication with the extraterrestrials, for nearly two hours. We both thought no more than thirty minutes had elapsed. By this time, it was nearly 3:00 am, so we broke camp and went home.

The Encounters Continue:

The following day was a busy one with an appearance on Diana Chapa's live TV show in the morning, a field trip to another site in the afternoon, and a talk at the Ovni Club that evening. It was about 11:30 pm by the time we were driving up the narrow road to our Las Mitres site. Interestingly, our videographer teammate was absent from field work. He had decided to stay in the city to visit his friend and her son. As the Suburban headed up the gravel lane, Dr. Greer and I simultaneously observed a small, bright light on the side of Las Mitres. We knew from the previous night that there was no light normally in that area. Tonight we also had with us our American friend's Mexican husband. He and our driver assured us there were no houses, no power lines, no roads, nothing on the sheer cliffs of Las Mitres.

As we came to the base of the mountain, Dr. Greer jumped from the Suburban while it was still rolling. The other woman and I jumped out and grabbed the bare necessities of field gear: a 500,000-candle power portable halogen light, our night vision scope, binoculars, a small camcorder, and a hand-held micro-cassette recorder.

Because of the reaction by an untrained participant the previous night, we sent our driver and his friend down the road. We told them we could not afford any panic this night. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the men went to a spot at the bottom of the road where they could clearly see the events that unfolded.

Are We in a Spielberg Movie?:

Dr. Greer grabbed the halogen light and sent a signal to the star-like light on the hillside. Instantly, the light transformed into a gigantic, brilliant round beam that shot light down the entire mountainside! We were astonished. It came close to being the time we always joke about - when events are so incredible that we'll wish we had on "Depends" undergarments! We continued to have a Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind - a human-initiated or human-interactive experience - with this craft for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. An exchange like this, with a team in the field, is unprecedented. During the lengthy encounter, we sent light signals to the craft. The craft would signal back to us in the exact same sequence. Then its lights would extinguish. Within a few minutes, it would again illuminate and initiate a signal to us. This went on and on. Twice during this time period, we saw the shadows of beings walking in front of the blinding beam. At times, the beam would rotate upon itself, appearing to the left of its original position - then back where it was. Once the light seemed to turn over on itself, illuminating the sparsely forested slope behind it. This was one of the times when figures were seen to move in the beam.

Hoaxability Ration - Low to Zero:

It must be emphasized that this is a very remote area devoid of roads. For anyone to have hoaxed this event would have required something on the scale of a major motion picture crew. There was simply no way to have moved equipment like this onto these sheer slopes. It would have caused quite a commotion in the suburbs below if a crew of that magnitude had traversed those sheer cliffs that day. The area would have been swarming with lookie-loos. At the end of the two hours and fifteen minutes, the light, which by now had split into two candle-flame colored round lights, turned to brilliant red, shot out a lightning bolt of energy and vanished. We saw a golden streak shoot through the sky towards the direction of the ancient volcano, Topochico. And the energy was gone. It was not until this point that we fully appreciated that

1. we'd been standing up for all that time, and
2. our hair had stood on end the entire time.

As a side note, I want to report that when we first got out of the vehicle at the base of the mountain, I heard crickets chirping in stereophonic synchronicity. One would chirp on our right, then one would chirp on our left. The chirping was loud and distinct. When I heard it, I told my teammates that it was significant. I had heard similar chirping prior to another major encounter in the past. It was moments later that the gigantic craft illuminated before us.

Eventful Trip Home:

We signaled to our drivers to bring up the Suburban. When they arrived, we learned that the men had gone to a vantage point and had seen everything, giving us two independent witnesses. In fact, from their extra distance the light was not so blinding and they were able to discern the craft. They both reported seeing a very large disc-shaped craft with a domed top. The men were extremely excited. They said they felt bonded now, like brothers. The American's husband said that his life would never be the same again.

As we were riding on our 30-minute drive home, Dr. Greer remarked that he felt the ETs would follow us. Within a minute, the man in front was exclaiming, "la luz, la luz!" (the light, the light!) We could then see that the gigantic light was visible from the road, showing itself to us on the opposite side of the mountain from where it had been at our field site! We stopped at a closed gas station, signaled and videoed (which came out fuzzy and blurred). You will recall that, of all nights, our videographer was not with us this night. Coincidence or orchestrated by the ETs? So many such things happen that we have to ponder the possibility. This time, the light was not appearing as two lights side by side. Instead, they were two lights stacked one on top the other. We continued to observe it on the remainder of the homeward ride, stopping twice more to observe.

When we arrived home, we climbed up to our flat roof. We could still see it, even though the entire valley of the city of Monterrey was now between us, the back side of Las Mitres and the rest of the range. The lights were still there. They had changed position again and were now staggered, one atop the other. They had been so bright that we could see the rock face behind it illuminated. As we watched, the lights dimmed down to about half their luminosity.

The Craft Revealed:

At this point, we could clearly see the structure of the craft. It was indeed a large disc with a sloped dome on top. By measuring with fingers at arm's length, Dr. Greer determined that the craft was between one-half to one full city block in size. As the birds began to sing and the sky began to lighten, we bid goodbye and heartfelt thanks to our visitors for these remarkable experiences and went inside to sleep, and dream of them.

Shari Adamiak, Executive Director, CSETI ________________________

Final Notes:

I wish to advise that the three persons who interacted with the craft as described above included three very responsible and stable individuals. Dr. Greer is a practicing trauma physician, father of four, world-renowned expert on extraterrestrial intelligence. He is the founder of CSETI, and the visionary and guiding force of it. Our teammate from New York is cofounder of a research foundation and is personal friends with world leaders in both the political and private sectors. And I myself have been educated in the sciences and the law and worked for many years as a paralegal, which gives me a logical mind upon which to base my ongoing extraterrestrial experiences. - Shari Adamiak

I describe how I first met Shari in 1992. It was an experience that I will never forget:
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/03/05/i-meet-shari-adamiak-the-first-ce-5-working-group-coordinato

Hi everyone! First post to the community- I’m happy to say that I finally got the courage to join. This post took almost 2 months to muster up as I couldn’t even stand writing about this- but here I go.
I lost my Aussie that I grew up with for almost 20 years in August of 22’ and it feels like I will never get over the loss of her. She was my absolute best friend in the whole world. Now- many people say their dog is their best friend. But, let me give you some context…
I was an only child, and my first memory was my mom taking me to a ranch to pick out my very first puppy. Out of the 25 puppies that flocked out of the barn doors, only one ran up to my feet with a small tennis ball in tow. I knew she was the one for me then and there- She chose me, so I chose her.
She tolerated my youth ear and nub pulling phase, my games of Hannah Montana dress up, solo concerts, throwing myself from the highest bunk bed and playing lassie, playing vet, and eventual subsequent makeshift agility courses that I set up with bar stools and pop-up tunnels when I turned 10-11. Never once did she shy away from this, almost participating with joy in every moment we spent together.
I was an only child so you can imagine how lonely I was, (Many people don’t have this experience as an only child, but it was mine-) Growing up with a single mom that had an addiction- most of the time it was just me and my dog, and we had to fend for ourselves most nights.
She was there for me after I was SAed when I was 7- unable to communicate what had happened to anyone but her in fear of embarrassment or shame, but I could talk to her- she’d listen to me with nothing but sympathy in those big blue eyes of hers. She was with me when we lost our apartment, moving back in with my grandmother who blatantly hated me because I wasn’t fully white like her other grandchildren. She was with me when I contemplated calling the cops on my mother when she was passed out on the floor of the bathroom and I couldn’t wake her up and I thought she was dead. She was there for me when I was bullied in school for being overweight, unable to eat most healthy things because I was making my own meals most nights. She was there when I got into my preferred high school program that was over an hour away from home, waking me up with a wagging tail despite knowing I’d have to leave at 4am to catch a bus and wouldn’t return until later that night. She was there when I got together with my now fiancé, accepting him into the family as long as he tossed the ball for her a few times- as a lover of football, it was easy to get him to play with her for hours, which she adored. She was there for me when my fiancé and I moved into a small shed away from home, no a/c, no bathroom, no running water, she tagged along happily in the tight living quarters. She comforted me when I found out my grandfather had dementia and he was declining quickly, she whimpered when I cried that we’d have to return to my abusive grandmothers house to take care of him- knowing I’m subjecting myself to a world of pain to care for the one person who was always kind to me. She mediated my fights with my mother, as we ended up arguing most nights about her addiction and how it has affected me in my life.
Despite how many hardships I went through, and how many times I couldn’t find the courage to get out of bed in the morning- she always kept me going. Knowing that someone had stuck by me through my whole life and didn’t even have a thought of leaving my side, made me feel wanted in life.
Not long after I turned 18 years old, she became unable to control her bladder. Many suggested I put her down due to it being an ‘inconvenience’ but I refused- she had so much left to give, and I didn’t mind cleaning up after her mess despite how the tile ended up stained and how much we spent on diapers she’d only kick off moments after putting them on. No one knew how little I cared to be covered in pet urine as long as I got to embrace my dog that cared for me for so long.
When I turned 19, she couldn’t hold her poop anymore, doing her business anywhere and everywhere. I didn’t care, I cleaned it up. She was still my best friend, she took care of me- so I’ll take care of her. She then lost her ability to hear me, so I spoke louder. What’s wrong with screaming ‘I love you’ to a dog that got so excited whenever you said it? If anything it helped me express myself louder than usual, as I am a quiet person. A few months later, she couldn’t play ball as much as she wanted to, getting winded by her arthritis and aging lungs. Then on my 21st birthday, she lost the ability to use her hind legs. I didn’t care, I started looking up dog wheelchairs- because why not? She was still a puppy in my eyes, she had so much time left despite nearing 20 years old. My fiancé warned me that the time may be near, but I ignored him. She’d never die. She couldn’t. She’d live forever. I flipped her position few times a day, fed and watered her, gave her tons of treats, Carried her inside and outside to enjoy the sun. Anything I could do that I knew would lift her spirits.
But 2 weeks after my 21st birthday, I woke up to her whining. Not unusual, since she couldn’t sleep in bed with us anymore and had to sleep at the foot of our bed on a large pillow, but this time I heard a thud. Creeping to the edge of the bed I was met with the most horrifying sight- she was seizing. I jumped off the bed, cradling her as I tried to keep her from throwing herself off of her pillow and hitting her head. My fiancé watched in silence, but he didn’t dare suggest she was getting close to passing, as it had caused fights between us before. I REFUSED to believe my best friend was dying, it had to be a one time thing… Right?
We got maybe a few hour break before it happened again, then again… I had to make the call. She hated the vet, I couldn’t bring her there. I scoured the internet for hours, trying to find a Vet that does home visits. I made an appointment for the morning. Despite the lady driving out and taking one look at my beautiful Aussie and sighing, I immediately asked her if she can pull through this, If there was an alternative, ANYTHING to keep her from leaving my side. My fiancé put his hand on my shoulder, offering what little comfort he thought I could get from what the Vet said next. There was no hope. No enticing her to eat with pieces of sliced cheese, no magical medication to cure her, no quality of life that I could give to a dog so determined to keep living. I didn’t cry, I still held hope, even when the Vet injected her with medication to make her sleep before the final injection. I felt her relax into my arms, so I thought just maybe that would help her sleep it off. But once the lady held up the syringe with the bright pink liquid, I couldn’t stop staring at it. She asked me only once if I was ready, and I said yes immediately- blind to the thought that this would be the last time I would get to hold her warmth. She proceeded slowly, and in the moment I felt no fear- as I thought “She’s too strong for this shot, she’ll pop back up in no time afterwards with a new vigor for life! I’ll prove them all wrong!”… I didn’t know what was to come. Her chest stopped rising, and her nose began to grow cold. I don’t know how many hours I sat by her body waiting for her to wake up. I don’t remember my fiancé leaving the room to pay her for her kind service, I don’t remember him suggesting we bury her before she grew stiff, I don’t remember anything other than her blank stare that never left the vacant space of the wall. It took until later that night for us to start digging, and once we were done, I kept glancing at her body in hopes that she may have changed her mind, that she’d come back to me. It was just a cruel game.
Laying her down in her final resting place, i scowled at the flies that soon began to circle around us. How could they disturb us?! She clearly wasn’t dead…. Just, recovering. But after my fiancé filled the grave, and I dug a tiny hole for her to breath through if she decided to come back. It finally hit me. She was gone. For the first time in my life I was truly alone. I cradled her harness, her tennis ball, my childhood picture of me holding her up to the camera in my stubby arms- and I waited by her grave. I couldn’t leave.
I truly don’t remember much afterwards, other than the empty sorrow that built in my chest- since it never left. I could never love again. Not another person, not another dog. My fiancé saw the change in me, I never left the bed, I didn’t shower, I didn’t eat. I lost 60 pounds. I didn’t care, I just wanted my best friend.
Fast forward to March of 23’ when I found out I was pregnant. First there was an insurmountable joy that I’d now have purpose in life, but then the same ache hit in my chest that I felt the day my best friend died. My sweet Aussie would never get to see me become a mother, she’d never get to see me be married, she’d never get to raise my child as she raised me. The things I always thought she’d be there for, she would never get to see.
I’m 5 months into being a mother now, and still grieving. We’ve thought of getting another dog, but I couldn’t stand even looking at another puppy. I didn’t have the capacity in my heart to go through this again. But will I neglect my own child of feeling this kind of bond with a pet? Of love that is unmatched by a dog companion? Will I continue to neglect my fiancés love for animals due to my fear of my Aussie looking down from wherever she is and feeling betrayed that I replaced her? I’m rambling at this point, but god it’s been so hard. I miss her so much. She was my everything. Even now I struggle with the thought that I could love my baby just as much as I loved my dear Aussie. Is that even normal? It’s been almost 2 years, and I still feel empty.
Despite this post being very self-loathing, I just wanted to get my feelings out and find some peace that anyone else has felt this way. Is it just me? Will this ever go away? Senior dog owners, will this pain ever pass? 🥲
Sincerely,
A girl who misses her best friend. I love you P. 💔