Looking for a cuddle buddy, sex not a necessity I'm cool to just be chill. I can host as I live alone, I'm 420 friendly, and I have a dope home studio setup we can watch a movie in. If ur keen on snuggles on a cold night, get at me.

My bf was raised by a single mom and he still lives with her. They are pretty close and like watching movies together.
He told me when they first came across graphic sex scenes, how they both stiffened and felt awkward but kept on watching it. He said it as something funny to share. I dont think it phases them anymore as some of the movies he mentions seeing with her now and then I know have those scenes.
I'm talking rated r graphic nudity sex scenes.
I come from a family that is more prude, and the thought of being in a room watching such a scene with my dad makes me want to swallow vomit and disappear.
So I'm curious if this is normal to others or kinda cringe?

I am 36 years old. I don't have any friends. I haven't been in a relationship in two years. I don't make as much money as I would like. I am have a really slow recovery from a tonsillectomy and I am just having a hard time getting myself motivated to do anything.
I had one pretty good friend, an ex, and we went on a platonic trip together in March. I had a really good time and generally enjoyed myself. Got to see Chichen Itza and get some fun in at the cenotes and beach. Since then we haven't hung out though. In her texts she said the guy she has been seeing is moving out of town in a few months so she is spending time with him. She has dated him off and on for 20+ years and this has never been an issue before so I do feel like some of this is also just fatigue of hanging out with me. We didn't get in any fights on the trip but it did show we have much different priorities/personalities. She brought her dogs, they go everywhere with her, and one is incontinent so it was dictating quite a bit of our schedule but I am pretty used to this so I felt like I handled it fairly well. I also do think some of this is her boyfriend not wanting us to hangout, which is understandable. I just said No worries and we haven't talked since. She didn't message me on my birthday, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't remember. We have been hanging out regularly for 2-3 years so it is a bit of a hit, but it was something that felt ultimately was going to happen so I am not mad, just a little sad. I haven't hung out with anyone other than my dad since the middle of March though.
Just hurts to not have anyone to hangout with at all. I have talked to two coworkers and one of them has bailed on me multiple times and the other just said he was too busy to make any plans in the first place. I have done meetups in the past but I always just feel so awkward not knowing anyone and I am awful at initiating contact with anyone, guys or girls. I also just don't really have that many interests, even though I tend to enjoy most things I do. I own a dirt bike but haven't gotten out to use it because it is really hard to load by myself and I am just not that confident with it. And if I am doing anything alone without somebody else keeping me accountable I tend to just blow it off. I have also tried Bumble BFF but honestly was so turned off by it. I kept on getting hit on, creepy af, and it just feels awkward.
I feel like I am bad at making friends because I am not very personable and also tend to overshare and say stupid things just because I haven't talked to anyone in so long it is just kind of like a dam bursts.
I would like to get back into judo or jujitsu, but with college and my mortgage I am barely squeaking by financially, and 200+ a month is a little too much for me. I even canceled my cable plan to save some money for bills despite loving basketball. I also don't really have enough energy for active hobbies due to my tonsillectomy right now.
I work full time and am taking college classes at the same time. I was never the best student, but I have finished 9 computer science courses and a statistics class over the last 2.5 years. I have 5 classes left for my bachelors and am on course to graduate Spring 2025. Straight A's and one B+ so far so I have been really happy with my grades, but the industry has completely fallen apart over the last year or two and I am worried that after investing all this time and money into going back to college I might not be able to get a job. The best student I know wasn't able to land a single internship this summer and that really shocked me. He is an amazing programmer, better than anyone I know.
Because I have a mortgage on a little duplex I cannot really afford to do an internship to try and help my job prospects, I am going to really have to rely on doing well in the interviews. I am also planning on trying to take advantage of the career fairs and other on-campus opportunities next fall but that is so not my comfort zone that I don't want to set my expectations really.
With how busy I am it has also been a great excuse for myself to not pursue more social outlets and the only thing I do for dating is online apps and while I can get the occasional date I don't think I have ever actually had a real connection through it. I am just bad at connecting with people on a personal level, be it friends or dates. I have been on so many first dates it is kind of depressing. The town I live in isn't small, like 150k, but I feel like I am running low on options after years of failures.
I had been suffering from chronic tonsillitis over the last year. I had 5 bouts in total, three of which were back to back episodes from January to March this year. I got a tonsillectomy on April 20 and am still having problems swallowing food. I am basically still on a puree diet.
Getting the tonsillectomy was a real eye opener for me because with my ex not being a contact anymore I didn't have anyone to rely on so I had to have my father fly out and spend a week with me. I didn't have any friends to rely on and it really just kind of hit me how depressing my life is. All of my old high school friends, who I don't keep up with, have families.
The one thing I had going for me is that I had a decent physique. Due to a lack of a social life I was pretty good at going to the gym and lifting regularly. I was 6'1 and 180-185 pounds, nothing impressive but I was happy with myself. I am down to 160 pounds now since my tonsillectomy though and I am just extremely low energy all the time. My summer class started today and I am having a lot of issues just focusing after an 8-hour work day, even though I only work remotely on a computer.
During COVID I really made leaps and bounds to improve myself. I quit cigarettes after 15 years, I started going back to class. Got my own place and gained 40 pounds (in a good way) but after losing half of that weight and generally being miserable from my tonsillectomy it is just so hard to motivate myself to even go to the gym anymore and for 3 years I never had a problem getting off my butt to go to the gym, even if it was just for a mediocre lifting session.
I used to love playing video games and watching tv shows/movies but now I just find myself mindlessly watching youtube or reading and don't even have the attention span or interest in booting up a video game anymore or trying to find a show or movie to watch.
I always wanted a family, but I have never really had a successful relationship in my life and now since my tonsillectomy I have become a lot less sexually motivated than before. I don't even have the urge to masturbate anymore, and sex was never a strong point of mine in the first place, leading me to believe it will be even worse moving forward. I also just have never connected with somebody on like a really deep level and feel like years of failures/insecurity just kind of burden me a this point. And I am getting to the age now where I feel like I am almost beyond the point where this is still possible. It is weird telling somebody I am 36 and my longest relationship was only 4 months long.
I feel like I am on the right track on paper with only one year left until I graduate and I kind of really want to move even though I love where I live just so I can get a fresh start, but at the same time I am terrified I will graduate and just be in the same situation I am currently in. I also could never afford to buy another place without a better salary. The only reason I was able to afford what I currently have is because I bought during the 2020 market and got a 2.34% APR. But even with that my mortgage is close to 40% of my take home right now and I have one of the cheapest places in town.
I don't really have anyone to vent to or destress to so I just wanted to post something from a throwaway account. My dad has been texting me daily because I think he realizes how unhappy I am and I really appreciate that.
I have been wanting to go see some Nuggets games at the bar, but I still cannot drink alcohol until I am eating food again so I have just been following highlights on youtube. I also have never been a fan of hanging out at bars. I enjoy shooting pool but I am not good at social settings like that.
I will leave it at this for now. A very long, poorly formatted ramble. But I have seen much worse. Thanks.

My boyfriend and I have been in a 16 month LDR, and we met 2 months ago. When we met in person, just the two of us, it was great.
I have 2 children. Dad isn’t involved. My eldest son is sensitive but amazing. My youngest son is so funny but has mild-mid autism.
I was reluctant to date him at first but he slowly showed me he adored me and I fell for him. He even bought me an expensive gift just to see me smile when we were only friends. He was kind, patient, and worships me. Literally, I walk on water to him.
From the beginning, he wasn’t keen on the dad thing, though he said he wanted to try. We didn’t meet straight away because I lived far away but also because I wanted time to get to know him.
He literally wanted me marry me on day one. He wanted to get a tattoo of me on his chest — I had to convince him not to. He got me out of debt. Spent all his savings to help me. Saved a couple of baby birds from the road because I inspired him to do good. He makes me say ten kind things about myself if I say one bad thing about myself. When I needed an Uber he sent me $2500 — what the hell??! He’s broke because of me. I didn’t ask him for money - not once. But I’d be lying if I told you it didn’t help me and my kids a lot. It’s basically meant I could stay in this house I’m renting for 16 months more. He’s listened to me, been there for me.
When we approached our first year together, sure, he didn’t gift me as much or was not as romantic. I wrote a manuscript and asked him to read the first chapter and he said he would only read it to me to help me go to sleep (he used to read to me to help me go to sleep). But I was sad he wouldn’t read it. Little things changed. But I expected them to.
When we met in person, he was wonderful. Charming. Kind. Sex was kinda weird as he is a gamer virgin. He couldn’t pleasure me and I couldn’t make him cum - possibly due to him having sensitivity issues as he touched too hard. This worried me but I put it aside.
Last week, I had major surgery coming up. My boyfriend is broke now, having helped me so much. Nonetheless, he flew to me. On the day he flew, he met my kids for the first time. He barely spoke to them, it was awkward.
My kids were giggling a little at the restaurant we went to. Nothing that would have made me upset at them. My boyfriend didn’t like it though. It was so weird.
When I was in hospital, he’d drive to see me every day for the three days I was there. He cleaned me, fed me, brushed my hair, wiped my butt — he looked after me so well.
Then, when I was at hospital and he was at my house, he heard my mum and my autistic son having a tiff. Basically, my mum got my son out of a morning routine and he was rowdy. I’m not saying his behaviour was good. He was loud and not listening to my mum. Next thing, my boyfriend, who went to bed at 5am playing video games, woke up and screamed at my boys from upstairs “STOP THAT NOW, DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.” My eldest son was so shook up he was sobbing in the car to school. He was so looking forward to meeting my boyfriend and having a dad at last. His hopes were shattered.
I let this go at first because I needed my boyfriend. But when I got home, my autistic son was complaining about a few things and my boyfriend was visibly irritated though said nothing.
When he got home on his flight, he said my son was a problem and needed to be disciplined. I’m not above disciplinary actions and evoke them often. But my son does have autism. He needs to be spoken to differently.
My family and friends were horrified with what I told them.
I called my boyfriend up, and to bitesize our conversation, he said the following phrases: “I told you I wasn’t ready to be a dad, I’m just some dude.” “I’ll spend time with them if they’re quiet.” “When they are loud they can go to their room.” When i asked, “What if they see a rainbow and are all excited?” He said, “As long as they’re not too loud.” When I told him sometimes you have to talk to my autistic son a little differently, his reply was “I don’t care. I don’t care that he’s got autism. I’m not having him act like that. He needs to be disciplined.”
I was… blindsided. “You’re unbelievable,” I said in shock. He said, “YOURE unbelievable.”
This guy was the man of my dreams. The light at the end of the tunnel. After the horrible relationship I suffered, he was the gift for my troubles. And suddenly I’m preparing to leave him. I don’t get how this happened. How could someone so lovely be like this? A man who cries at movies, who cried at the thought of leaving me to go back home or who cried about how lucky he was to have me only days ago? Throughout this whole year he’s been my champion.
Now my kids hate him and he seemingly hates them. I need advice on what to do. My gut says leave, I can’t trust him alone with my kids, the other a part says I’m being dramatic, just like he said I was being when I was questioning him in shock.
He’s become my whole world, and the dating world for me is not kind. But my kids come first. I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice.

I have had multiple year long relationships that always seem to fall flat, even though every guy has been very different from the last. My current relationship is the longest I’ve had so far, but I’ve been having doubts for a long time now.
I find it hard to say “I love you”, harder than before, but I was also raised in an emotionally distant environment. I don’t like kissing that much at all, it actually annoys me and I’d rather not do it. My sex drive used to be a lot better in my first relationship, but it’s fallen flat now. Maybe we will do it one or two times per month. It’s not necessarily because I’ve lost a bit of physical attraction, but I just don’t feel anything.
I’ve noticed I’m a lot more apathetic than most people, yet incredibly empathetic towards children, animals, and (awkwardly enough) fictional characters/movies/shows. But real adults? Especially partners? Nope. If my partner cries (even my exes), I guess I don’t care. If they’re happy, I’ll cheer them on, but inside me is a void. I can feel angry and jealous, though. I’m more of a taker than a giver, and for some reason I just don’t have much of a desire to give.
I’m a hopeless romantic and it seems like most of the time I put myself in a fantasy mindset to cope with something I can’t put my finger on. All of this together has been ruining my relationship slow and steadily. I don’t want to give up, because there are things I genuinely love about what I have. I just don’t know what to do and I’m hoping for advice, thank you.
TLDR: My relationship is going downhill because I’m emotionally/sexually absent and stuck in my head, and this has happened with every partner, but I don’t want to give up on this one.

Chapter one
How do memories look for you? Like flashes? Clear as day? Can you remember?
I can. I can see things so clearly. I can hear things so clearly. I can remember. But only as flashes.
I’m listening to Cathy O’Briens book and she says write. Do not speak.
Even now I don’t think it’s the same as typing.
I plan to get a notebook specifically for my memory. It’s strange. Like vomit. All mingled and mixed. And out of order. And “this memory” makes me think of “this memory.” And “this happened” but then before “this happened”. And I wish I could talk to someone but then also I’m glad I’m not. Cause what if they lead me astray. What if they make me believe it never happened.
This piece will be out of order. And for that forgive me. I want so badly to be cohesive and coherent but I’m afraid everything is jingled together.
Even now I have so much to say. The parkway. The basement at the elementary. The send off. The moving. The sexuality. They darkness. The depression. The dancing. The curiosity. The principal. Hiding under the desk. The gifted program. The dancing. The willingness. The ducks. The parties. The men. The lamp. Sergio. The face touch. The blood. The penthouse. The club. The drinks. The promises. The moments. The warnings. The desires. The memories. The tattoo. The dildos. The performance. The chat rooms. The meet ups. The hospital visits. The blood stains. The positions. The rooms. The timing. The willingness. The stretching. The exam. The scared nights. The scary movies. The drunken adults. The lumber jacks. The cia. Rox. The satanic worship. The rape of him. The unknown history of my family. The wealthy in Georgetown. The dress up. The music. The handball. The four square. The singing. The dancing. The sodomites. The teachers. The screams. The need for me. The desire for me. The bartenders. The p’mers. The stomach aches. The separation. The piss. The dark. The bath. The blue outfit. The men. The bus ride. The taxi ride. The train. The massage parlor. The neighbor. The chat rooms. The men. The parkway. The basement. The hallway. The grandparents. The crib. The dreams. The screams. The fear. The bus. The bubbles. The drinks. The cops. The piercings. The drives.
Nothing happened to me ever. I was never molested. I was never raped. I was never taken advantage of. I was protected from everything and anything.
However, by the time I was 16, I was heavily and deeply knowledgeable and accustomed to just about any and everything sexually in any and all parts of my body and also more than willing.
And I had tried committing suicide 3 times and lived with chronic stomach issues for the majority of my child hood.
For what reason I have no memory.
Cathy says to write. Write and your brain will think logically. And you will remember.
There’s so much, I don’t know where to start or what to write about. It’s different on a phone cause I can go back and add or re word and re order. I’m doing this tonight cause I don’t have a notepad. But it’s all out of order on paper and in my head. But if I write, even if out of order, maybe I’ll remember. I don’t even know why I’m posting.
But I have to unravel it. Beginning to end or not in order. There’s a lot of clarity but not a lot of memory.
And how and why does that make sense? It doesn’t.
So forgive me for this blog, for it will more than likely weave a tale that doesn’t make sense and is probably not true.
Or is that my alter telling me I will never remember. Cathy O’Brien says write. And I will.
Was I an mkultra/ human trafficking subject in the 90s and 2000s?
I hope to find an answer.

Would love to meet someone that would be open to being a texting buddy. We could talk about day to day things. I love movies music tv and some outdoor stuff. I can be a little boring at first as I can be kind of shy. I would love someone that would also be open to light flirty banter. I am not looking for a relationship. But if you are close we might could arrange to meet.
If you are interested in chatting and maybe getting to know each other feel free to message me. It is getting late and I may not respond till tomorrow. Please include your age/sex/location. Also, if you would not mind or were comfortable, please include a pic (sfw) so I can see I am talking to a real person. I will send one back as well. I would like to add that I would love someone around my age, but slightly younger and slightly older would be okay. Anyway, looking forward to hearing from you!
Also, would love to switch to another platform when we are comfortable, such as discord, telegram, or Snapchat.

I don’t think they will because Casey and Matthew understand these characters pretty well, but the entire draw of the first movie is how horny the boys are for each other and how much they want to be around one other so they need to retain that element. They need to keep the somewhat racy sex scenes and the horniness otherwise half of the appeal of what worked in the first movie is gone.

Anyone else find it really odd that this is one of their favorite movies?? I haven’t seen it or read the book, but I know some of the story and that it’s very sexual. So it just seems so juxtaposed with how much she hates talk about sex, touching, says she’s asexual…. Weird? Or am I missing something because I haven’t seen it?

Would love to meet someone that would be open to being a texting buddy. We could talk about day to day things. I love movies music tv and some outdoor stuff. I can be a little boring at first as I can be kind of shy. I would love someone that would also be open to light flirty banter. I am not looking for a relationship. But if you are close we might could arrange to meet.
If you are interested in chatting and maybe getting to know each other feel free to message me. It is getting late and I may not respond till tomorrow. Please include your age/sex/location. Also, if you would not mind or were comfortable, please include a pic (sfw) so I can see I am talking to a real person. I will send one back as well. I would like to add that I would love someone around my age, but slightly younger and slightly older would be okay. Anyway, looking forward to hearing from you!

so to clear things up before i say the story. i understand why this is all happening and i do regret it and i wish i could go back in time and just be a good person in general and treated her way better. every single day i live with this regret and it just pains me.
so me and her have been together for two years now and it really was all fun and romantic. it felt like we were meant for each other and it wasn't just lust. it was love. true deep love and i loved it so much. we fought a good amount but it was never relationship ending. we always overcame our disagreements and learned to apologize and recognize when one of us is wrong. but we had a big problem recently and it was very personal to her and i failed at being a decent human being and instead got mad and defensive and i let my emotion take over instead of understanding.
so one morning i woke up to a text from her saying she found two pictures of instagram girls in bikinis saved on my accounts folder from when i was in freshman year. she politely asked me to delete them. then i did tell her id delete them but i then proceeded to get upset as if this was a common thing to get mad at me about and i acted like it wasn't a big deal and i basically told her to get over it and that "it shouldn't be a whole day problem" without realizing how much those photos impacted her. i wasn't aware of those photos being there and instead of reassuring her and just being nice and deleted them i made a whole big deal about it and i regret it.
she's always told me she doesn't like the way she looks and that she accepted the fact that she looks "mid" and she isn't anyone's type of girl but she's told me before that i made her feel like she was my type and i made her feel pretty at times but that's all gone now. i really was into her and she's still so pretty to me and she kept getting prettier and prettier in every scenario i saw her.
i didn't even think in the moment on how it could affect her seeing those pictures saved on my account. she must have felt awful seeing that and it would make it seem like i had a type and i was attracted to those girls when in reality i didn't even know they existed and im not really attracted to women other than her. i know it sounds like bullshit but i just can't see women the same after being with her and she won't ever believe that. i understand now how she must've felt and how it must have shattered her self esteem and i couldn't even reassure her. and when we eventually talked about it like a day later, i STILL didn't understand how she felt and when i apologized i wrote the most wrong apology saying stuff like "i did nothing wrong" "get over it im sorry" literally no reassurance just anger and i hate myself for not realizing it in the moment. it wasn't until like a WEEK LATER that i realized how she felt and what i should've done.
our anniversary of two years was in like a week and after this bad apology and talk we basically took a break so she can have time to think. we still talked here and there but nothing romantically or about us. and we agreed that we'd try couples therapy one day so i set it all up and this is where i did the most stupidest awful decision ever.
i know it's frowned upon and stuff but my dad tried to raise me to be cold and not show emotion but in reality emotion is all i could show. i ended up being very needy and anxious and just needing her comfort at times.
the night before we were going to talk to the therapy lady. she was having a bad time and told me she didn't want to talk tonight or call. and without thinking i just started being needy and wanted her attention and kept texting her. then i did something so stupid and ruined what i loved the most. i don't know what my thought process was or how i thought it was a good idea but i got on a "second number app" that allows you to text from a whole different number and i texted HER number while she was feeling bad and in the text i acted like i was a coworker i had that was "looking for me" the coworker was a girl and of no importance to me but i used her name practically asking for "myself to catch up"
i wrote a paragraph for when i wanted to reveal myself and in it i tried to say that i did it because i wanted her to see that "i was always there" or that it always was just her and i and that she doesn't need to worry about anyone getting in between us because it was always her and i. that reason sounds like BS now i genuinely don't know what i was thinking. she says she knows that i did it just to make her jealous, but i don't feel like it was that way. i didn't mean to hurt her and i wish i saw how it could hurt her.
after coming clean about it like a few texts on there i sent the paragraph thinking we'd just laugh about it or something like the stupid delusional person i am. she didn't say anything in the first few seconds but i felt a sudden regret and i felt like i couldn't breathe because i suddenly realize how bad of a thing it was. i promised her i would lie to her and i tricked her with this. so i started panicking after sending it and saying stuff like "this was a bad thing wasn't it" and just panicking and apologizing so fast because i tricked her. i didn't even think about how she would be jealous about that coworker and i was stupid to not think that back then. she then didn't reply for a while and it sank in that i really did something so awful to her. so out of panic i got in my car and went to see a friend at 2 am because they worked night shift. and i talked to her about it and she agreed that it was stupid and i shouldn't have done it. i am so conflicted about this right now. i don't know if it was because i was needy or i just wanted her attention or im just plain stupid. i don't know now why i did it and i regret it deeply. she won't accept an apology thought because my reasoning doesn't make sense at all and i understand that now.
i felt sick to my stomach and later that night like an hour or so later she broke up with me. my whole world sank. i dented my car and went back to my friend to tell her and i just broke down for what i have done. and i've been paying for this with karma ever since this has happened. not even an hour later from this, i got fired from the job i was working at and i lost everything. i have this pain in my chest that hasn't gone away since that day and i've been having nonstop stomach problems and my relationship with my family is decreasing and they're resenting me and i even lost my dog i had for 7 years. so many things keep happening but i know it's because i have to pay and i understand that.
backstory on why this made such an impact: i grew up as a lie. i lied to my family i lied to my friends. i lied to be liked in school and i always tried to be something i am not. when i met her i tried to put these lies behind me and bury my past and what i was and i deleted alot of stuff and quit my porn addiction because i really wanted something with her. but she found out about my past one day and i lied to cover it up and these lies only came back and i ended up breaking her trust again and again to the point where she thought things that were never happening. i know im a liar and a bad person but i was never a cheater or unfaithful to her. i've always genuinely liked her and how she looked and i had everything i wanted. i didn't need to cheat or find other girls because i had one and she was all that i wanted. i even made it clear to here that the relationship wasn't about sex because if we ever stopped having it i'd still love her. but i couldn't be understanding and reassuring with her and i messed up so much and i made it seem like i was lying to her again even though i wasnt. and her last relationship was full of lies and she was manipulated and she regrets going back to him after the fact she knew how he was. and this is the scenario i am in right now. what we had was real love and it was beautiful but i messed it up and destroyed it badly. and she doesn't want to disappoint her past self by doing the same thing she did with her ex because she's afraid of getting hurt again. she can't trust me anymore. she doesn't believe that we could fix it again. she doesn't believe that i liked her and that i was attracted to her. she believes i was out there getting crushes and talking to other women and she believes i did it to make her jealous and that i have a type of girl i like and it's not her. she thinks i led her on this whole time but when i ask "then why am i still here" there's no answer because im not doing this out of pity or attachment. i truly loved her and how she looked. she doesn't believe attractions change and that people can change. she's so focused that we can't have what we had before because it's too different now. i just don't know what to do and im full of regret.
so sometime later i gave her her space and just rotted away in my room missing what i destroyed. one day something compelled me to go to the store and i saw her there. i went up to her and she wanted to talk so i agreed and we went to the park to talk. she tried to break up with me in person that day but couldn't and later that night she texted me that we'd break up in person rather than through text because we're adults. so some time later we kept seeing eachother a bit and talking. we even ended up going to the place i rented for our anniversary just out of a spontaneous decision because she felt a comfort in being around me even though it hurts her. that day we ended up doing a lot of stuff and being intimate with each other and acting like normal. the only words that came out while we were doing it were "i love you" from both of us and it was so passionate and real and it felt like what we had before. we acted normal after that and spent the night and watched movies and cuddled and just talked like nothing at all happened. we were smiling and cracking jokes and just having a good time. it was the same. i didn't want to take her home because i knew it would end though. and that it was all just a dream. and it did end. we decided to be on a break for now and we still talk and sometimes even have fun like we used to but nothing romantically yet. we even started making out the other day but then like a few days later she gets reminded of everything and doesn't talk to me again. and i get she's in her feeling and i understand what i did and that she deserves better but i want to be that better. i want to change for her and show her that i wont hurt her again. but she's afraid. she can't trust me anymore and she's afraid to try again because she loved me she genuinely loved me and she looks for me in the person i am now and she can't "find him" and she believes things will never be the same again and that it won't work but she can't leave because it's too painful. BUT i feel like it can be the same... all those moments we had they were like nothing happened. it's still there within us. our love is still there and i know it is but she's afraid of doing it again and disappointing her past self. like we've been calling and acting normal even though we keep thing the same thing and it keeps bothering us. i feel regret and pain and she feels the pain too because she loved me. i don't know what to do. i know the best for us is probably to just leave it and go our separate ways but i can't. i do love her still and i want to be better for her. for my family. a better person in general. i know i can be the better for her and i don't want to give up. and she doesn't want to give up because she loved me but she also doesn't want her emotions to get in the way of what she should do. i don't know. this is a just a big rant i don't know if its a good idea to post it or if anyone will read this far. i just miss her so much. i miss what we were. i miss how happy we were. this kind and good hearted girl loved me and has showed me so much. she was my first for a lot of things. and my first actual commitment to a relationship. she took my virginity aswell but those are not the reasons i want to stay with her. i want to stay because i love her. i really love her and it just begs the question "why did you do it?" and i don't know. it eats me up inside and i can't take it i DONT know and i wish i could take it all back. i want to start over. i want a time machine. i want her. she loved me and i destroyed what i loved the most. my life hasn't been the same since then and so many bad things keep happening to me but i know it's for a reason. how can i regain her trust? is that even possible? i dont know what to do. i know she needs time but will she ever see that i do want to change? that change is possible and i don't want to hurt her anymore? i regret it all. why couldn't i just be more understanding and reassuring and been good to her. how could i be so foolish. if i just kept my stupid thoughts quiet and kept my mouth shut we could've gone to therapy or something. i messed up really bad.
thank you for reading. i feel so lost

Before we start, allow me to lay all my cards onto the table: No, this is not me bashing Stellar Blade, just Eve's character (or lack there of). No, this is not going to be a "Culture War" fest or whatever, go find a Marvel movie to complain about. Yes, I am a Bayonetta stan. No, I did not play the game, but I've watched playthroughs and I'm not talking about gameplay anyway. Ok?
So Eve Stellar Blade is the new It girl that's been causing a stir with her "sexy" boobs and butt and it's all talk of the town and la de da. There's people saying she's a "fighting fuckdoll trope", there's men putting her on their anti woke pedstal and saying she's the chosen one that's going restore the world back to the good old days and kill the left like Sydney Sweetie's chest or whatever, and everything in between.
Well I, the local contrarian, have chosen the position to say she's barely sexy at all. Now, is she sexualized, are her developers pushing her into sex symbol status? Yes, that comes with the territory of her defult clothes being Ned Flanders Ski suit and her unlockable outfits including pin up girl cosplay. But is Eve Stellar Blade sexy? The answer is no and here's why:
1) We've seen this before
Oh boy, a woman in spandex so tight she almost looks like she's wearing nothing at all! There's only like 100 other female characters who do that!!
Eve Stellar Blade needs to fire her wardrobe manager because her design is boring AF, just the tried and true Si-Fi spandex that every other girl has worn before. Sad thing is, her unlockable outfits that give her a cute, baggy jacket make her one million times more appealing than the sexy outfit version of cardbord box that she's wearing.
2) She has zero personality
So the worst part of this whole culture war surrounding Eve Stellar Blade is I've been seeing people compare her to Bayonetta and like, first of all, keep the queen's name out your mouth. She's sleeping.
Second of all, forgive my tone but Bayonetta cannot be compared to any old raggedy trick. She is Bayonetta . Everything about her, from her clothes, to her hair, to her personality, to her name , it all demands you pay attention to her. Bayonetta is a stripper dominatrix witch with the personality to match. There has never been a leading lady in gaming like her before, and there most likely won't be another after her. No. Comparison. But even if there was a new girl that tried to take the queen's throne, it ain't Even Steven Blonde.
Quick question, type one quote, something iconic that came from Eve Stellar Blade's mouth. Cuz I can think of several from Bayonetta, byt I'll wait.
Back on track, Sexy is more than just your looks, it's how you carry yourself. You think the reason why all the girlies are thirsting after corpse man from Fallout is because they have a no nose fetish??? No!!! It's because that guy is charming and endlessly confident. Bayonetta is charming, endlessly confident, and the baddest bitch of every room she ever walked into.
What does Even Stellar Blade do, other than rely on her looks to secure anti wokers? I'll tell you what, nothing!! She has zero personality, zero charisma, zero prescence, her aesthetic is looking like an airbrushed Korean model in Spandex, and her greatest assets aretried and true gainaxing that's been in every game ever! Yall are comparing this girl to Bayonetta when Mother brought you disappearing clothes AND monstergirls? I'd ask you to raise your standards, but worshipping Even Steven requires you not have any anyway.

TL;DR

Eve Stellar Blade is a bitch and Bayonetta's son. She is also the J Lo of video game girls.

I'm trying to decide between getting Vanillary or American Cream, as I can't get both atm. Which would you guys recommend, based on my likes/dislikes?
Loves: Silky Underwear, Aromaco, Rose Jam (only shower gel and perfume), Blue Skies and Fluffy White Clouds
Likes: Tranquil and Grass massage bar, Alina, GOTF, Lakes bath bomb
Dislikes: Lust (started off love then turned to an ashtray on me??), Super Milk (overwhelming burnt smell), Sex Bomb (too soapy), Sleepy (cloying nauseating underneath nice lavender), Purity and Clarity massage bar.
Basically I'm hoping for something similar to Silky Underwear, creamy and sweet but not overwhelming, subtle florals.... Would either of these fit? I've read wildly different descriptions for both!
PS: only getting the solid, for now.
Thanks for any help!

I'm still young, a teenager..I go to an all girls school with Alot of girls who are slim thick or just thick in general.. I have a hourglass figure but but much meat on my thighs or chest..And it's embarrassing when I want to wear anything that shows a little skin ...so I usually sag my pants and wear large hoodies, I bought a jacket for the summer to cover my body, my mom makes alot of comments like "You're like a twig" and "You only have that because you're insecure about your body" And it pisses me off.. I''m unbelievably insecure about my chest and thighs...I see all the girls at my school AND WHAT THE HELL, its so unfair and then they say the same things my mom says, I hate hearing guys my age talk about "All I want is a girl with nice huge tits" like what the what?! Shut up bro. I started stuffing my bras and they don't work, no matter what I do, when girls who look skinny still have huge boobs. I don't even understand what I did to deserve this ugly ass body, my mom personally, she's thick.. So why am I not? And why can't she shut up about how "skinny" and "pale" and how useless I Am?! I just want to cut my breasts off and sit in a corner to cry about it. No matter how much I eat how much I massage, moisturize my damn tits THEY STAY SMALL dude, younger girls then me and older, like 12-15 have way bigger fucking tits. I hate seeing posts, hearing songs and conversations about girls with huge tits, huge ass, big thighs, that all they fucking want, a girl built like a sex doll, I literally look like a damn door. Why can't I catch a break about how I look 'anorexic' because I don't have DOUBLE D'S, WITH A SLIM WAIST, A HUGE BOOTY THAT CAN'T EVEN FIT ON A SWING AND THIGHS SO BIG IF I WALK THEY WILL EXPLODE, I know I'm exaggerating but goddamn.

seeking advice or maybe just to hear from others in similar positions. i’ve always wondered if this person is my twin flame. there has been way too many coincidences. i met him back in 2019, when i got my first job. ironically enough we both started working the same week, and at the same fast food spot that is a couple cities away from where i live. anyways met him at work right? then, one random day while im out on a walk i run into him in front of my house, turns out that he’s practically my neighbor. so FIRST coincidence. lived on the same street all these years but didn’t meet each other until we ironically started working at the same place. so nothing came of it that first year BUT the following year, we began exchanging texts. so one of the things i’ve heard about twin flames is that before the first separation you most likely won’t get physical with them. the times that we did hang out, we could just talk and talk. i remember one night we grabbed icecream after going to the movies and we just stayed in his car talking about conspiracy theories and all that. it felt so special and so intense. on our last hang out we had been previously flirting through text. i just had the feeling that we were probably going to hook up. again, we were hanging out and talking about a shit ton of different things. hours of talking before we started making out (lol) things of course escalated but it didn’t really go down, i guess he wasn’t one to do hookups. and he was in his head about it. so it was a failed hookup. drive back home was awkward and tense. anyways, it wasn’t too many days later when he hit me with a whole explanation of how he doesn’t do hookups and how sex is an energy exchange etc etc. I replied with confusion because he was the one who had initiated the whole thing, even when we were only making out he’s the one who initiated the sex. I tried to be understanding but he quickly just cut me off. we lived near each other so there were unlucky times where i ran into him and he would basically act like i was invisible. not too long after i moved out from my parents house to be more independent, i was away for four years and always thought of him and even tried to look him up but could never find him. at that point i had also deleted his number so i just knew I wasn’t supposed to contact him. i moved back home last year, within a week of being back home, i run into him. but we just walk past each other and don’t make eye contact. a couple days later, he makes an ig account and even though i don’t have his number, insta send me a notification of “your contact _____ is on instagram as @_______” weird? SECOND coincidence, he had been off of insta all these years and I move back and he goes back on & insta suggests his profile. anyways we reconnect, he apologizes for everything. it’s not long before I realize he is still very unhealed. and i’ve done my own self-healing work. i’ve grown a lot. but when it comes to him it’s like the slightest unhealed part of myself comes out. we communicated for a bit before the toxicity came back and now we’ve been on and off blocking each other. i haven’t ran into him (ironically) but i believe we are on different vibrations which is why the universe is doing its job in keeping us apart. anyways, he recently unblocked me but i reached a point where i finally feel done & fed up with his games. in twin flames i know at one point the feminine becomes the runner, i feel i am there. but is this my twin flame? i know twin flames don’t necessarily end up together because for that both parties would have to heal and do a LOT of work. but i feel like our experience is definitely one of twin flames?

Throwaway account because the subject matter is cringe and id rather not get bullied on my main, thanks.
TLDR: My boyfriend thinks the romantic codywan RP I'm doing with a friend is emotionally cheating and wants me to stop RPing and to stop engaging with the fandom. AITAH?
I (f27) am in an argument with my bf (m29) of two months concerning a text based roleplay I'm doing with a friend.
I'm a cringey fandom roleplayer. Fandom and RP have been an enormous part of my life since I was 13. It is my most beloved hobby, two of my best friends in the whole world, I meant through RP. Roleplaying is basically like creating fanfiction with another person. You each play a character, you write a couple of paragraphs, then the other person responds. It's a game. It's fiction. The things my character says or does are oftentimes not things that I would say or do or endorse, because I'm playing as a character. The relationship I have with my RP partner is not the same as the relationships our characters might have with each other. We DO NOT bring our real lives into the RP. I promise, this is relevant so keep it in mind.
I know it's not everybody's cup of tea, I know a lot of people see it as childish and cringey, and I'm okay with that. It was something that I was deeply ashamed of and was bullied for for a long time, but I've come to accept that it's something I don't have to be ashamed of, but it's still a sensitive topic for me and something I really don't like to disclose. Growing up, I felt a lot of pressure to keep this hobby a secret, or to abandon it entirely because people who found out about it were mean about it. When I was 17, one of my closest friends emailed large potions of my "Mermaid Destiel mpreg RP" around the school. So, I'm sure you can imagine why I'm having such a hard time looking at this situation rationally. It's all caught up in my feels.
In 2019, I started doing Codywan (Obi-Wan x Commander Cody, if you're a casual Star Wars fan and know nothing about the fandom, I am so sorry.) rp with a friend, and we're still doing that RP to this very day. She is one of my closest friends. We have written thousands of pages together. The RP is most definitely romantic, but it isn't smutty. We tried writing porn a couple of times years ago, but it never went anywhere because I didn't enjoy it. The old threads have long since been deleted.
My boyfriend absolutely hate the RP. I have never, ever tried to hide it from him. I told him about it when we first started dating, before we were official, because he asked what my hobbies are. He's a Star Wars fan, not really into the fandom thing, and we had a good laugh about it. Sure, he's made a couple of snide remarks about how cringy it is, but I'm not going to pitch a fit about that because, yeah, it is cringy. I'm self-aware enough to know that. But yeah, it's never been a secret. He's never been very interested in it, and that's fine by me. Every once in a while he'll ask me questions, and I'll answer them. I guess that's why I feel so blindsided about this whole thing.
Recently, he asked to read a couple, just out of curiosity, and I let him, and he was fucking furious! The section he was reading was romantic, describing the characters holding hands and kissing because they were on a date. He accused me of emotionally cheating on him with my RP partner. I think that's ridiculous. Like I said, the role play is fiction. I have never felt romantic feelings for my RP partner, we've never kissed, we've never even met in person. Yes, we chat about all kinds of things outside of the RP because we're friends. Outside of the rp, we do not flirt. We do not talk about our sex lives. I have never come ever said anything bad to her about my boyfriend. I've never hidden the fact that I have a boyfriend from her. I do not see her out as my primary source of comfort. We talk about fandom, other hobbies, life, things like that.
I just feel so fucking confused. I pulled up our "out of character" thread and begged him to read it because I felt like that would prove my innocence, but he absolutely refused because he "already saw everything he needed to know". I asked him if married actors are cheating on their spouses when they have to kiss other people in movies, and he said that wasn't the same. I asked him if it was cheating for an author to write about a romantic relationship, he said that it wasn't the same because authors work alone. I asked him "what about people who co-author books together?" I mean, christ, were Terry Pratchett and Neil diamond having an affair without each other when they wrote Good omens? That's fucking ridiculous. But he got absolutely furious and told me to "shut up and stop trying to defend myself!" He told me I ruined Star Wars by doing this to him, and he wanted me to delete discord and Tumblr. I told him absolutely not, I hadn't done anything wrong. It still makes me so fucking mad because he was talking down to me like I was a fucking child, and my punishment for disobeying him was taking away my social media.
He was mad at me and gave me the cold shoulder for a couple of days, but yesterday, he sat me down because he wanted to have a talk with me. He apologized for freaking out at me, he said that his behavior was irrational and unacceptable, and he did agree that he had no right to try to force me to delete discord and Tumblr. You told me that the role play made him really uncomfortable, and that he felt I had betrayed him by hiding this from him, which is absolute bullshit and I called him out on that, because I hid nothing from him. He tried to tell me that I never told him it was a romantic RP, and I told him that he knew from the start that it was a ship RP, what did he expect? Then he said he doesn't mind if I kept RPing, but he doesn't want me engaging with the Star Wars fandom anymore, and he wants me to block my friend. I told him that he's talking down to me again, that he is punishing me without even bothering to hear my side of things. I asked him, again, to read the OOC thread, because if he genuinely thinks our relationship is inappropriate, I need to know. The characters we play are fictional, the relationship is fictional, there's a line between fiction and reality and we do not cross it. The RP isn't going to give him an accurate representation of my relationship with my friend. If he wants to judge that relationship, he needs to look at the OOC thread. Well, when I suggested it, he blew up at me again and told me I wasn't listening to him. He told me I was being petulant, fucking petulant, and unreasonable. He hasn't spoken to me since, and he's still absolutely fuming.
Look, I'll be honest, there's no way in hell I'm staying in this relationship. I do not want to being a relationship with somebody whose first response is anger. I want somebody who respects me enough to have an adult fucking conversation with me. If he had just talked to me instead of accusing me of cheating and blowing up at me, things would be different. But he didn't and I don't do second chances, not for stuff like this.
But this is the first long-term relationship I've had since I was a teenager, so some part of me feels like maybe I misstepped. Is doing a romantic RP with someone "cheating"? Was I in the wrong? AITAH?

I am now older (43f) and wiser and far more subtle in my petty revenge ...but, at this time? I was younger (21) angry, petty, spurred on my an equally petty friend (22f then), and he deserved it.
I had a get together for Halloween with a few friends. It was the usual early 20s social situation with drinks, cards and tequila shots. (I know... I know.)
A guy I had previously had a fling with (truly nothing serious--he was just tall, cute as all hell and had adorable dimples but our personalities didn't mesh) was invited as a friend. No big deal.
Card game turned into Texas Hold Em and bizarre dares after you were out of poker chips. My "ex" was losing BADLY. What started as us daring him to strip somehow escalated to him running outside, nude and in 2 feet of snow, to the pond behind the apartment buildings to acquire a cup of water... and then escalated to him going, in VERY sloppy drag, to the grocery store to buy an eggplant, lube, and condoms.
Now... this is all ridiculous already. (Tequila is a bad decision, kids!) A truly memorable but insane night that can ONLY be survived or created in your early 20s.
My friend (who spurred me on) and him began flirting and things escalated a bit between them. There were photos of him in drag taken, and photos of him with my friend as well.
They made plans to see a movie a couple days later after a few calls...
He never showed up and then ghosted her.
Could we have blown it off and moved on?
Absolutely.
Did we?
Hell freaking no.
We did a bit of online stalking and found out he not only HAD A GIRLFRIEND but was LIVING with her! (Where do these people find the time for this... and how do you NOT ask questions when your man doesn't come home?!)
We hatched a plan.
We took the photos and printed them... of him in drag flirting with my friend, nude with the cup, and doing lap dances on guys in drag.
We sent them, 1 by 1 in an order telling a story... every other day... by mail... to his girlfriend.
Did we stop there?
HELL NO.
We signed him up for drag clothing catalogs and sex toys created especially for gay men. We sent him about $200 worth of the most bizarre "eggplant" items we could find including straws, a hat that sort of resembled a penis shaped Pope hat, etc.
After 2 weeks of those packages... that we made sure would be delivered when HE was gone and SHE was home (but addressed to him and, in quotes, his goofy name from that night) we did 1 more thing...
20 lbs of the most powder fine glitter we could find in a glitter bomb.
She dumped him within a month... and he's a cheater to this day in his relationships.
The lesson?
Don't cheat... and don't piss off 2 petty women at the same time.

I’ve been lurking here for a few years, trying to find ways to deal with my partners extreme mood swings and anger. This is my first post, so if that’s inappropriate, I’m sorry. I'm also sorry if the tone of this post is inappropriate, I just need to get it off my chest with people who may have experienced similar things. I want to also clarify that I know Bpd doesn’t MAKE you an ass, my ex just loved to use his diagnosis as a reason to abuse me and not take accountability for it.
He has a 9/9 presentation and it was constantly taken out on me. For 10 years. I feel like a few months ago I finally got the ick for how he was treating me and then eventually reached my boiling point and we had a blow-out fight a few days ago where I finally screamed and yelled at him. I really got in his face and didn’t let him not respond and just kept yelling. Then when he acted upset and hurt and “scared” by it I quoted him directly and went ”Oh, so I’m just NEVER allowed to be ANGRY?? Can’t ever have a negative emotion?” and he seemed to really not understand that that’s what he says about twice a week while he slams shit around the house and terrifies our pets and me. I can’t tell you how nice it was to let it all out. I don’t even care that I have to pack up 26 years of shit in 30 days because I just feel so awesome about not getting treated like that every day and waking up at 7am to him already being a whiny baby about nothing.
I feel so free. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt this relaxed and content in my life. I feel like I was developing more bpd symptoms the longer I endured his treatment and it already feels like it's melting away because I'm just out. I’m not paranoid anymore (cheated on me constantly - my friends literally think his secret gf is pregnant and that’s why he was fucking with me so bad the last few weeks 😂 to get me out of the house and move her in) I feel good about my body, I’m sleeping better than I have in years, and not to be nsfw, but without someone pawing at me 24 hours a day and constantly being vulgar towards me I FINALLY feel like my sex drive is coming back. I’ve literally only been out of his house for like 3 days and I already feel like that was months ago. I’m hanging out with new friends and enjoying going on nature walks and exercising without someone leering at me and trying to touch me. I’m excited to see what life is like away from the abuse he put me through constantly. I’m excited to just not be treated like shit and then get blamed for it cause he “can’t help it with his Bpd!” But then also won’t to therapy regularly, won’t take meds, won’t even do a goddamn work book on his own cause it’s “too hard” - as if being around someone who regularly acted like he couldn’t stand me was easy. Literally the only part about this I’m currently feeling negative about is the 3 pets who are used to me being home almost all the time and him working 12 hour shifts + sleep gives him maybe a few hours to care for them properly daily. They will suffer and be lonely and he will probably keep staying out til 2am anyways to get plastered with his divorced alcoholic “friend”that he claims to hate and cut off but always crawls back to, probably because he’s so similar to my exs own mother.
Everything just feels so exciting. I get to find a new place to live and decorate and unpack and organize only how I want to - nothing has to go on top shelves where I can’t reach. I can read without someone saying I’m “intentionally trying to seem busy so we can’t talk” I can watch tv shows and movies without someone walking in and getting butthurt cause they wanna watch it, too, now that I’m 4 seasons in or whatever. I can wear whatever I feel like and no one’s going to be gross about it in my own home. I don’t have to worry when he’s out with friends that they’re talking shit about me and instigating a fight without me even knowing - this spineless and easily swayed, angry man is gone from my life and I am FREE

My older sister is 36 and in her first relationship. She's religious and never had premarital sex. Right now she is dating a nonreligious guy (41) who did have previous girlfriends and had sex. She's not eager to have children or be a mom or give birth, though if they happen they will happen and she plans on hiring a nanny to raise them while she works. IDK if this is because the guy wants kids, but you shouldn't have kids just because the guy wants it. No mention about whether the guy will stay at home or not, it's assumed he will work.
They've been dating for over 3 years. I feel like you would know whether you want to marry someone after at least a minimum of year and a half, especially if you're past 30 and more established with your life and know yourself better, and there should be zero doubt by that point. This is also her first relationship so she has no frame of reference to compare him to other guys.
Recently, she thought having sexual desires and fantasies similar to movies (very tame stuff) were "demonic attacks", and I had to tell her that "sometimes a banana is just a banana. You're just a healthy woman with a reproductive drive." I can't believe I had to say this to a 36 year old. My sister said I should be able to find a good guy despite having sex outside of marriage if I know I "made mistakes and regret it". She's pretty churchy, and probably told her boyfriend how she will forgive him for having premarital sex or something. She brought him to a church where the people started speaking in tongues.
I feel like the boyfriend has a lot of doubt about my sister, according to what she tells me. My sister acts like she needs to convince and prove to him that she's marriageable, and she's worried about him walking away if she tells him about our brother knocking up a girl. This isn't how you should feel in a healthy relationship. If you don't feel 100% comfortable with someone after 3 years of dating them and feel like you still need to prove yourself to them and worry if they would break up with you over something that's not even your fault, then you shouldn't marry them. There should be a deep trust between each other and faith that your partner will have your back before marrying them. I asked her what she likes about her boyfriend and she listed a laundry list of stats about him, like "has a good job, responsible, comes from a good family, attractive to me" and said he probably likes her because she is educated and has a good job, is attractive, doesn't have a difficult personality. Nothing about how he makes her feel, how he positively impacts her, connections.
A bunch of little things about the BF and the relationship with him doesn't sit right with me. I saw him in person and spent time with both my sister and BF at the same time a couple times, and I get this underlying feeling that he doesn't really respect her or dote on the ground she walks on. I wonder why he is with her and get the feeling he is settling because he feels like he can't do better despite the red flags that my sister shows, and I feel like he's just "tolerating" her "quirks".
My sister described her boyfriend as "perfectionist" and that's why he is stalling on getting married, because he hasn't gotten my mom's approval (which he will never get). Life isn't picture perfect and he needs to go with the flow. I feel like he's too controlling over factors that are outside his control and he can't accept this. Like how arrogant and neurotic can he be that he thinks he can reason with our mom when not even her two own daughters can get that from her? My sister is also annoyed by him being perfectionist and talking so much (in her opinion), she should assume it's gonna be even more annoying during marriage and possibly get worse.
What is he gonna do when things happen during marriage that are obviously not always going to be perfect? When my sister isn't perfect or behaves exactly the way he expects a wife to?
Also, not having sex for over 3 years. He isn't a Christian or doing it for religious reason. Maybe he really is waiting and staying celibate for her, but is he really? Or is he cheating behind her back until he gets to marry her? Even my sister was like "I feel like he would cheat on me during marriage if I didn't have sex with him. A lot of guys cheat."
I probably should say something but I don't know if she would take it, and if she does, if she will self reflect. Maybe this relationship works for her and it will be fine if they marry. The relationship feels odd to me but unfortunately I don't think my sister can do better. Not the way she is now. She has too many weird things going on herself.

Throwaway because this happened about 2 months before i met the wife.
In my mid 20's I had a coworker who was in an abusive relationship, who I had helped to get an actual therapist, I gave her tons of financial advice, and just helped paved the way for so she would have the means to eventually escape their abuser. Over time I realized I had 150% caught feelings for her... but I knew that was the last thing she needed and I just couldn't bring myself to stoop that low as I felt I would have been totally taking advantage of her. So I just ignored my feelings and continued to be the friend and support she needed.
After working with her for about 2 years she was still with her abuser but she was doing way better and she had found a better paying job with more hours so she quit and moved onto greener pastures that would get her on her own feet sooner. And as I didn't see her at work anymore we fell out of touch as he would monitor her phone 24/7.
Fast forward another year all of a sudden I get a call from her asking if I was busy and if she could come hang out and celebrate finally escaping her now ex-abuser. I said sure, she came over that night, we smoked, caught up on life, watched a movie, and the next thing I knew she had her tongue down my throat and my junk in her hands. And there just isn't words for it, it was pure chemistry... every touch was electric, it was the wettest, wildest, roughest, most passionate, no limits sex I've ever had, and it literally lasted from 10pm to 5am. We would go until one of us had to tap out from being over stimulated, we'd take a break, cuddle, talk, smoke another bowl, etc, and its was right back at it. It was completely surreal... and the next night I asked if she was free and she was... we ended up having repeats of that night 3-5 times a week for about a month and a half. There just isn't enough words to describe the feeling of it all... like I said it was just pure chemistry...
But like all good things it came to an end, she realized she still had feelings for her ex-abuser, and she still had a lot to work through with her therapist before she was ready for an actual relationship, and she ghosted me.
I ended up moving on, and it turns out shortly after that I met the woman of my dreams that's now my wife. And while I vividly remember every moment from those nights, I have never once answered one her calls since.

we met at work, he's one of my managers (we're the same age). I could tell he liked me, we'd spend 8 hour shifts shoulder to shoulder laughing while everyone else gave us looks and afterwards he'd wanna go out for a drive. he was showing up to work unscheduled just to see me, he asked me out to the movies, was buying me gifts, planning dates and telling me sweet things. I was a virgin, I hadn't even had my first kiss yet and suddenly he was making it clear he wanted to fuck. we ended up getting intimate one of the first times I went back to his place. he told me I was the girl of his dreams. he asked me if we were official, it was all happening so fast but I liked him. I said yes. He introduced me to his parents within the first week but he no longer was planning dates and compliments grew scarce. after a month we had sex, there was little to no aftercare. they stopped scheduling us together at work, so after that I'd only see him 2 nights a week and whenever id come over he'd just play video games (sometimes with headphones on) until he got bored and was ready for bed. I'd give him a blowjob and afterwards he'd touch me but there would be no kissing/talking. zero foreplay. zero aftercare. he started getting mean, I realized hes actually very frugal (which confused me considering how generous he was at the start) he tried to give me a budget on the money I was spending with my friends, he'd snap at me in public and call me annoying, still I never complained. he dumped me after a few months. his reason was "I realized I dont feel the same, I know its not nice to hear but I didnt want you to feel used" but now I do. AITAH