Poem to christian women about health
i lik the bred
2017.03.23 18:51 Hasnep i lik the bred
Poems based on this one about a cow licking bread by Poem_for_your_sprog: my name is Cow, and wen its nite, or wen the moon is shiyning brite, and all the men haf gon to bed - i stay up late. i lik the bred.
2008.12.23 00:53 Subreddit for lovers and seekers of The Bible
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2013.09.09 05:09 Colonel_Rhombus Ask Old People
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2024.05.13 22:42 newyork0120 The Met Gaia Is The Latest Casualty As Leftist Protesters Turn On Their Masters
Every year I’m confronted with the decision of whether to talk about the Met Gala. And it can be a tough decision if I’m being totally honest - on one hand, it’s always easy to point and laugh at rich Leftists wearing weird costumes and making fools out of themselves; on the other hand, it’s gotten way too easy to do that, and as far as celebrity freak shows go, the Met Gala is sort of like the Oscars at this point: its supposed “unpredictability” is now cliche, its zaniness is now boring. Unless mayhem breaks out—say, like an actor slaps the presenter live on-stage or something like that—then the truth is that no one really cares about any of these events anymore - in fact, I’m still not even sure what the Met Gala is. All I know is that the celebrities dress strangely and then go into I guess a big museum. What do they do inside the museum? Is there some kind of award ceremony? Is it a dance? Is it like celebrity prom or something? Do they sacrifice a live goat and drink its blood while chanting satanic curses? Is it some combination of these things? Nobody knows for sure. And most of all, nobody cares.
But fortunately, something interesting did happen at the Met Gala last week, or at least outside of it. Mobs of pro-Palestine demonstrators, apparently bored of their tent cities on college campuses, slowly marched through Manhattan towards the Met, and when they arrived, they tore down the police barricades and flooded the street.
Just for fun, here’s Lizzo dressed like something that you might find inside an unflushed toilet at Panda Express, and that’s what she wore to the Met Gala while riots raged outside in a clash of poor commies versus rich commies, as Peachy Keenan put it. These riots should also bring to mind I think some immediate logistical considerations that the Democratic Party now has to think about - for one thing, it’s safe to say that planning for the Democratic National Convention is going through some last-minute revisions right about now. Just imagine being in charge of security for the DNC; you’re gonna need bigger barricades than they had at the Met, and probably a lot more cops.
But more barricades and cops aren’t gonna fix the underlying problem that the Democratic Party has created here. There’s now a full-on uprising on the Left against the elitism that Democrats have long embraced - and the media is getting involved, too. Yahoo, for example, has already turned on the Met Gala; they just published a piece declaring, “The Met Gala’s Opulence Is Always Gross. This Year, It’s Obscene.”
Now, the whole article is a rant that hits a crescendo with this paragraph, which is probably the single-longest run-on sentence I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Here it is, this whole thing is one sentence, just so you know:
In any event, that whole massive paragraph could be summed up as saying, “We’re living through late-stage capitalism right now.” That’s what the Left-wing media is saying. That’s the way that they are framing this, and of course, “late-stage capitalism” is one of their favorite phrases to use these days. And they used to celebrate the Met Gala, but not anymore. Now they’re saying the same thing the demonstrators are, which is that the frivolous elite are partying while Rome burns—which they are, of course—and they’re furious about it, or pretending to be.
Now, what the media and these demonstrators don’t want to admit is that the elitists at this gala—all the celebrities who are dressed like slutty Star Wars villains and so on—are on their team. The celebrities are part of the ruling class, the protesters and media critics are its products and in some cases quite literally its offspring. Now, to be sure, the celebrities and college administrators and the politicians are reluctant to acknowledge that their own Frankenstein monster is turning against them, but that’s exactly what’s happening.
Remember that it was two years ago that AOC showed up to the Met Gala with a “Tax the Rich” gown. There were a bunch of sympathetic news stories highlighting her bravery at the time, and here’s how AOC justified showing up to an event that costs $300,000 per table while equipped with a custom dress, handbag, shoes and jewelry costing more than $2,000.
Her whole schtick was always hypocritical and disingenuous, of course, but it turns out that Leftist activists were listening to this rhetoric, I guess, they were taking it seriously, we’ve seen this a lot lately. When Chuck Schumer threatened Supreme Court justices, Leftists showed up at the justices’ homes; when the White House claimed that “trans kids” were being abused, a Leftist shot and killed Christians; when Democrats accused Israel of “genocide,” college students occupied university buildings; now two years after AOC attacked the Met, leftist gathered outside of the building.
This is the escalation that Democrats have primed this country for; it’s now in progress, whether Democrats intended it to happen to THEM or not—which, of course, they didn’t—but that’s not to say that ruling elites are going to roll over and let this happen. I mean, as you saw in that footage, the cops showed up in force and started making arrests the very second that protestors trespassed through the barricades in front of the Met. They were on the scene immediately.
Now, that’s kind of a noticeable contrast when compare it to other things like when these people set up encampments on college campuses, they were given in most cases a few days, maybe a week, before the cops moved in; when they looted and burned poor neighborhoods, they were given about three months to inflict carnage before anyone did anything about it; but when they showed up at the Met Gala, they were given three SECONDS before the arrests started. So it really shows you kind of how the hierarchy works.
The Democrats can’t protect the rest of the country from these mobs, nor do they intend to. So last night, in addition to creating a scene at the Met Gala, Leftists also vandalized a World War I memorial in New York and torched an American flag in front of it.
So please note, again, the contrast, the hierarchy, and the fact that this was happening at the exact same time as the Met Gala thing - REALLY shows you where the priorities are when you notice what kinds of illegal demonstrations the police will stop and which demonstrations they’ll allow to continue. The mob can deface World War I memorials all they want because in doing so, they’re communicating their hatred for this country and everything it stands for. So the Democrats who run New York aren’t going to stop them. But the mob isn’t allowed to inconvenience celebrities at the Met under any circumstances.
The point is that this is the hierarchy that Democrats clearly want to enforce. The trouble is getting the mob to RESPECT the hierarchy, and the Democrats are having trouble with that at the moment.
Yet they still seem oblivious, the Democrats are—or acting oblivious, at least—to the fact that they created this monster themselves, and that’s why inside the Met, as chaos unfolded outside, the party continued uninterrupted, and so did all of this associated weirdness, which was as off-putting as it’s ever been - take for example this decoy costume worn by someone using the name “Karol G.” Now, apparently she wanted to keep her real costume a secret, so earlier in the evening, she sported this beige umbrella-looking lampshade thing instead.
Now, imagine being a hardcore, AOC-loving Leftist who sees this - Democrats have spent the last several years telling you to despise rich people and commit crimes in the name of political activism, and then down the street from your hippy commune at the local university, some celebrity is walking around in a lampshade costume which probably costs $50,000 or something, and the entire Democratic Party establishment is pretending that it’s all normal. What do you do? How would you view the Democratic Party establishment after seeing this?
Now, as for the costume itself, of course, it’s clearly a bid for attention, and I guess it worked—I’m talking about it—but it’s not even an original idea - as a lot of people have pointed out, the outfit bears a striking resemblance to a certain shower curtain costume from the film “Karate Kid,” only with different colors, so there’s really no redeeming qualities whatsoever here, it’s a total debacle all around.
But to be fair, there was at least some originality on display last night - for example, this celebrity apparently walked through a wind tunnel full of roses somewhere before arriving at the Met, and for her trouble, Vogue named her as one of the best-dressed women of the evening.
We can assume again that this… woman?… paid many thousands of dollars for that outfit, which is just a trench coat with flower peddles and glitter glued onto it. It really looks like something a four-year-old girl might make. As everybody knows, in the mind of a four-year-old girl, anything and everything can be made prettier with copious amounts of glitter and flowers, which is a fine mentality for a small child; doesn’t translate very well in this case. And as self-congratulatory as it is, again, there’s no self-awareness whatsoever - it’s almost as if the entire purpose of the event is to celebrate the elites’ total inability to detect how preposterous, self-absorbed, and laughable they are.
An this is nothing new, it’s been the case since the Met Gala was established, it’s always been a mini-theater of the absurd. What’s changed is that the voting base of the Democratic Party isn’t laughing along with these clowns as much anymore. They turned against the universities; now they’ve turned against Hollywood. What the protesters of course don’t understand is that they have inherited their own worldview and everything they believe from these very institutions and these very people.
Hollywood and Academia don’t realize that they’re being attacked by their own Frankenstein, but the Frankenstein monster also doesn’t realize that it IS the Frankenstein monster. And if Frankenstein ever wakes up to that fact, well then the ruling class will really be in trouble.
submitted by newyork0120 to Rants [link] [comments]
But fortunately, something interesting did happen at the Met Gala last week, or at least outside of it. Mobs of pro-Palestine demonstrators, apparently bored of their tent cities on college campuses, slowly marched through Manhattan towards the Met, and when they arrived, they tore down the police barricades and flooded the street.
Just for fun, here’s Lizzo dressed like something that you might find inside an unflushed toilet at Panda Express, and that’s what she wore to the Met Gala while riots raged outside in a clash of poor commies versus rich commies, as Peachy Keenan put it. These riots should also bring to mind I think some immediate logistical considerations that the Democratic Party now has to think about - for one thing, it’s safe to say that planning for the Democratic National Convention is going through some last-minute revisions right about now. Just imagine being in charge of security for the DNC; you’re gonna need bigger barricades than they had at the Met, and probably a lot more cops.
But more barricades and cops aren’t gonna fix the underlying problem that the Democratic Party has created here. There’s now a full-on uprising on the Left against the elitism that Democrats have long embraced - and the media is getting involved, too. Yahoo, for example, has already turned on the Met Gala; they just published a piece declaring, “The Met Gala’s Opulence Is Always Gross. This Year, It’s Obscene.”
Now, the whole article is a rant that hits a crescendo with this paragraph, which is probably the single-longest run-on sentence I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Here it is, this whole thing is one sentence, just so you know:
Even in an era filled with the horrors of late-stage capitalism run amok—bipartisan support for genocide; rolling back of reproductive, civil, and voting rights; a threadbare social safety net; decades of wage stagnation; tax cuts for the the rich; the crushing of unions and labor rights; expansion of the militarized police surveillance state; creeping techno-authoritarianism; untested, unregulated, and unchecked A.I.; entrenched racial inequality and injustice; right-wing and white supremacist extremist violence; and Boeing jet parts falling from the sky like so many dead whistleblowers—that kind of frivolous urgency promises that this year’s event nonetheless will stand out as a vainglorious display of self-congratulatory decadence and tone-deaf extravagance.Now, first of all, just as a stylistic matter, if you’re going to make a sentence that long, it needs to be coherent. And “Boeing jet parts are falling from the sky like so many dead whistleblowers?” That doesn’t even make sense; the dead whistleblowers didn’t fall from the sky. I mean, they’re not being pushed out planes. One of them shot himself allegedly and the other died of an illness. Now, even if you subscribe to the theory that Boeing’s hitmen killed these whistleblowers—which, who knows, maybe they did—the fact remains that they didn’t fall from the sky. They died on the ground, so the metaphor just doesn’t work. And this is the problem you get into with 100-word sentences: eventually, you just lose track of what you’re saying.
In any event, that whole massive paragraph could be summed up as saying, “We’re living through late-stage capitalism right now.” That’s what the Left-wing media is saying. That’s the way that they are framing this, and of course, “late-stage capitalism” is one of their favorite phrases to use these days. And they used to celebrate the Met Gala, but not anymore. Now they’re saying the same thing the demonstrators are, which is that the frivolous elite are partying while Rome burns—which they are, of course—and they’re furious about it, or pretending to be.
Now, what the media and these demonstrators don’t want to admit is that the elitists at this gala—all the celebrities who are dressed like slutty Star Wars villains and so on—are on their team. The celebrities are part of the ruling class, the protesters and media critics are its products and in some cases quite literally its offspring. Now, to be sure, the celebrities and college administrators and the politicians are reluctant to acknowledge that their own Frankenstein monster is turning against them, but that’s exactly what’s happening.
Remember that it was two years ago that AOC showed up to the Met Gala with a “Tax the Rich” gown. There were a bunch of sympathetic news stories highlighting her bravery at the time, and here’s how AOC justified showing up to an event that costs $300,000 per table while equipped with a custom dress, handbag, shoes and jewelry costing more than $2,000.
REPORTER: “You know this dress has a message for this Met Gala, tell me about what that is.”It’s a really important conversation, AOC says, some people aren’t ready to hear it, but we need to punish rich people, we need to make them as uncomfortable as possible, we need to take their money, and that was the message from AOC, who not incidentally, grew up in a very well-off suburb.
AOC: “You know, I made a message, it says ’Tax the Rich’ right there, uh, it’s really about having a real conversation about fairness and equity in our system, and I think that this conversation is particularly relevant as we debate over budget and reconciliation down. What we’re talking about, providing working families with child care, healthcare, and meeting the climate crisis [unintelligible]* it deserves. … I think that ultimately, you know, we’re at a very critical point. I think there are some folks who are starting to really understand that this is a very critical conversation for us to be having right now. Other folks have invested interest in not having that conversation, but our point is to keep organizing and keep it going.”*
Her whole schtick was always hypocritical and disingenuous, of course, but it turns out that Leftist activists were listening to this rhetoric, I guess, they were taking it seriously, we’ve seen this a lot lately. When Chuck Schumer threatened Supreme Court justices, Leftists showed up at the justices’ homes; when the White House claimed that “trans kids” were being abused, a Leftist shot and killed Christians; when Democrats accused Israel of “genocide,” college students occupied university buildings; now two years after AOC attacked the Met, leftist gathered outside of the building.
This is the escalation that Democrats have primed this country for; it’s now in progress, whether Democrats intended it to happen to THEM or not—which, of course, they didn’t—but that’s not to say that ruling elites are going to roll over and let this happen. I mean, as you saw in that footage, the cops showed up in force and started making arrests the very second that protestors trespassed through the barricades in front of the Met. They were on the scene immediately.
Now, that’s kind of a noticeable contrast when compare it to other things like when these people set up encampments on college campuses, they were given in most cases a few days, maybe a week, before the cops moved in; when they looted and burned poor neighborhoods, they were given about three months to inflict carnage before anyone did anything about it; but when they showed up at the Met Gala, they were given three SECONDS before the arrests started. So it really shows you kind of how the hierarchy works.
The Democrats can’t protect the rest of the country from these mobs, nor do they intend to. So last night, in addition to creating a scene at the Met Gala, Leftists also vandalized a World War I memorial in New York and torched an American flag in front of it.
So please note, again, the contrast, the hierarchy, and the fact that this was happening at the exact same time as the Met Gala thing - REALLY shows you where the priorities are when you notice what kinds of illegal demonstrations the police will stop and which demonstrations they’ll allow to continue. The mob can deface World War I memorials all they want because in doing so, they’re communicating their hatred for this country and everything it stands for. So the Democrats who run New York aren’t going to stop them. But the mob isn’t allowed to inconvenience celebrities at the Met under any circumstances.
The point is that this is the hierarchy that Democrats clearly want to enforce. The trouble is getting the mob to RESPECT the hierarchy, and the Democrats are having trouble with that at the moment.
Yet they still seem oblivious, the Democrats are—or acting oblivious, at least—to the fact that they created this monster themselves, and that’s why inside the Met, as chaos unfolded outside, the party continued uninterrupted, and so did all of this associated weirdness, which was as off-putting as it’s ever been - take for example this decoy costume worn by someone using the name “Karol G.” Now, apparently she wanted to keep her real costume a secret, so earlier in the evening, she sported this beige umbrella-looking lampshade thing instead.
Now, imagine being a hardcore, AOC-loving Leftist who sees this - Democrats have spent the last several years telling you to despise rich people and commit crimes in the name of political activism, and then down the street from your hippy commune at the local university, some celebrity is walking around in a lampshade costume which probably costs $50,000 or something, and the entire Democratic Party establishment is pretending that it’s all normal. What do you do? How would you view the Democratic Party establishment after seeing this?
Now, as for the costume itself, of course, it’s clearly a bid for attention, and I guess it worked—I’m talking about it—but it’s not even an original idea - as a lot of people have pointed out, the outfit bears a striking resemblance to a certain shower curtain costume from the film “Karate Kid,” only with different colors, so there’s really no redeeming qualities whatsoever here, it’s a total debacle all around.
But to be fair, there was at least some originality on display last night - for example, this celebrity apparently walked through a wind tunnel full of roses somewhere before arriving at the Met, and for her trouble, Vogue named her as one of the best-dressed women of the evening.
We can assume again that this… woman?… paid many thousands of dollars for that outfit, which is just a trench coat with flower peddles and glitter glued onto it. It really looks like something a four-year-old girl might make. As everybody knows, in the mind of a four-year-old girl, anything and everything can be made prettier with copious amounts of glitter and flowers, which is a fine mentality for a small child; doesn’t translate very well in this case. And as self-congratulatory as it is, again, there’s no self-awareness whatsoever - it’s almost as if the entire purpose of the event is to celebrate the elites’ total inability to detect how preposterous, self-absorbed, and laughable they are.
An this is nothing new, it’s been the case since the Met Gala was established, it’s always been a mini-theater of the absurd. What’s changed is that the voting base of the Democratic Party isn’t laughing along with these clowns as much anymore. They turned against the universities; now they’ve turned against Hollywood. What the protesters of course don’t understand is that they have inherited their own worldview and everything they believe from these very institutions and these very people.
Hollywood and Academia don’t realize that they’re being attacked by their own Frankenstein, but the Frankenstein monster also doesn’t realize that it IS the Frankenstein monster. And if Frankenstein ever wakes up to that fact, well then the ruling class will really be in trouble.
2024.05.13 22:39 laesthetique I (mis 20s F) haven’t had a relationship in 5 years. How to get out of hookup culture?
I (F, bi, mid 20s) have not had a partner for about 5 years now. In that time I’ve had countless first dates, hookups, and a couple mont long semi-monogamous situationships (which I said were not monogmous anymore unless the person made it official) but I can never actually get to a stage where I can call anyone my partner, so i’m looking for advice on how to get out of this rut.
I mostly date women, and would really prefer to be in a relationship with another woman.
When I was younger I was very into hookup culture. When I hit 21 though, I realized that it was a bit dangerous, and harmful for my mental health, so I’ve been trying to find someone to have a longer term, monogamous relationship with.
For a while I was attributing this lack of long term success to disruptions in my life. I had to move a lot in that time period, so wasn’t in any specific social scene consistently, and was in treatment for pretty severe post-traumatic stress disorder, which made dating pretty difficult. My mental health was very poor. But, that part of my life is over, and there prospect of finding a relationship doesn’t seem much better, so I’m a bit worried.
I’ve been on the apps for a while now, and got into “hookup culture,” pretty young. The vast majority of these people have been other women. Since I started early I got good at flirting on the apps, and have gone on a shit ton of first dates. However most don’t follow up. Many of those people turned into close friends, or even people that I was hooking up with semi-monogamously, but eventually split with. I’m still friends with many of those people.
I’ve both tried being genuine, and holding back a bit more. My instincts are to be nice, get back quickly to people, ask a lot of questions, etc… I’ve been described as very “cheery.” However I’ve learned that acting naturally like that is overwhelming, so I’ve made attempts to be a bit more aloof, and to not text as much during the early stages. This doesn’t seem to work very well either; plans just don’t get made.
As I said before, people describe me as “cheery.” I am a musician and have a couple other (kinda niche) hobbies that I’m active in, and have been for a long time (they’re a bit solitary though). The word I’d use to describe myself is “sincere.” I’m always trying to do my best. People used to say I was “intense.” Not as much since I went through trauma therapy though. In general, Im very motivated.
There are a couple people who I’ve liked emotionally who seem to want something more long term. However I wasn’t that attracted to them physically, so I didn’t reciprocate.
I am on the spectrum. However most people don’t notice, and I often get pushback if I disclose “you really don’t seem autistic”. I also do not have the best self esteem. It is hard for me to see someone loving me romantically. Though, my self esteem has been improving.
The long term relationship I was in was pretty abusive too, which probably effects things, though I don’t know how specifically.
I know it’s an all over the place description. But, if I knew what my specific issue was I’d be able to fix it 😅. So, any advice???
In school, and in a major metro, so my issue is not access to people.
submitted by laesthetique to dating_advice [link] [comments]
I mostly date women, and would really prefer to be in a relationship with another woman.
When I was younger I was very into hookup culture. When I hit 21 though, I realized that it was a bit dangerous, and harmful for my mental health, so I’ve been trying to find someone to have a longer term, monogamous relationship with.
For a while I was attributing this lack of long term success to disruptions in my life. I had to move a lot in that time period, so wasn’t in any specific social scene consistently, and was in treatment for pretty severe post-traumatic stress disorder, which made dating pretty difficult. My mental health was very poor. But, that part of my life is over, and there prospect of finding a relationship doesn’t seem much better, so I’m a bit worried.
I’ve been on the apps for a while now, and got into “hookup culture,” pretty young. The vast majority of these people have been other women. Since I started early I got good at flirting on the apps, and have gone on a shit ton of first dates. However most don’t follow up. Many of those people turned into close friends, or even people that I was hooking up with semi-monogamously, but eventually split with. I’m still friends with many of those people.
I’ve both tried being genuine, and holding back a bit more. My instincts are to be nice, get back quickly to people, ask a lot of questions, etc… I’ve been described as very “cheery.” However I’ve learned that acting naturally like that is overwhelming, so I’ve made attempts to be a bit more aloof, and to not text as much during the early stages. This doesn’t seem to work very well either; plans just don’t get made.
As I said before, people describe me as “cheery.” I am a musician and have a couple other (kinda niche) hobbies that I’m active in, and have been for a long time (they’re a bit solitary though). The word I’d use to describe myself is “sincere.” I’m always trying to do my best. People used to say I was “intense.” Not as much since I went through trauma therapy though. In general, Im very motivated.
There are a couple people who I’ve liked emotionally who seem to want something more long term. However I wasn’t that attracted to them physically, so I didn’t reciprocate.
I am on the spectrum. However most people don’t notice, and I often get pushback if I disclose “you really don’t seem autistic”. I also do not have the best self esteem. It is hard for me to see someone loving me romantically. Though, my self esteem has been improving.
The long term relationship I was in was pretty abusive too, which probably effects things, though I don’t know how specifically.
I know it’s an all over the place description. But, if I knew what my specific issue was I’d be able to fix it 😅. So, any advice???
In school, and in a major metro, so my issue is not access to people.
2024.05.13 22:38 Past_Put_9859 [QCrit] Romance - RUBY BIRD [65k, first attempt] + first 300 words
Hi everyone, I just discovered this sub, lovely place so far.
I'm hoping for some help here, I've only submitted to 3 agents so far, and the last one hit back with a rejection so fast I felt winded after. I realized I really need to reach out to the wider community and start asking for help with this if I want a better chance in the future.
Thank you all for your time!
Thank
---
Dear Agent,
I’m currently seeking representation for RUBY BIRD, a 66,000 word whirlwind queer romantic drama which takes place as the first novel in my series THE FLIGHT.
His perfectly boring life is shattered in one irreparable swoop when fantasy erotica novelist Ruben Eberly discovers his wife has been seeing someone else, and believing her husband to be a closeted queer man, announces she’s done with their relationship for good. In an attempt to lick his wounds and piece his broken heart back together, Ruben finds himself falling into the arms of his long lost best friend, Paul McKenzie, a free-spirit who carries with him the burden of a terminal cancer diagnosis.
With the goal of enjoying his final days on a road trip from Florida to Texas before hopping a plane to Alaska to die in peace, Ruben invites himself along, and the two make a strong effort to reconnect, with unexpected feelings blossoming as the long journey becomes a series of trysts. Paul’s claim of a terminal diagnosis is far from the only situation on his plate however, as Ruben learns his best friend has fallen head first into a series of addictions that have strangled the beautiful artist into a shell of his former self.
With the reveal that Paul has lied about his numbered days and is in reality planning to end his own life once the pair reach their final destination, Ruben’s goal of celebrating the man’s life becomes a mission to help his best friend face his past childhood trauma, fight his inner demons, and save him from himself.
RUBY BIRD is the first in a planned series of three books that will handle identity, sexuality, addiction, mental health struggles, and trauma, all topics of which I have personal and researched experience with.
Previously, I have self-published two stories, one novella, FOREVER AND FOR ALWAYS, a lesbian romance taking place in a cult that forbids their attraction to one another, and HAIL SANTA, a coming-of-age YA novel about a young man struggling to separate the truth about the world from the lies he’s been told all his life.
While RUBY BIRD has previously been self-published, I retain all rights to my work.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
-Sullivan D. Cohen
-----
First 300 words:
The violent thrash of red and blue danced against white picket fences and pristine flat lawns in the suburban neighborhood I had once called home.
My father's calloused fingers patted my thin shoulder, his voice barely above a whisper as they wheeled her away in a lifeless black bag.
“I'm sorry, buddy,” was all he said, tears coating his throat, his strength failing him for the first time in my life.
I couldn't recall the moment before. My mind wrapped it up in a black cloth, shoved it in a locked box and hid it in a dark corner of my mind that I never dared to venture towards.
All I knew for sure was that she was gone.
Ten years after bringing me into the world, Marilyn Eberly left mine forever.
Chapter 1
An Ode To Norman
My wife clasped the white pages of the manuscript shut between her fingertips and looked at me with an eyebrow raised in utter disbelief.
“You can't actually be considering submitting this to her, Ruben.”
“She wants it.”
“Well I don't want to be the wife of the gay vampire erotica guy.”
“If it pays the bills then why do you care at all?”
“It's embarrassing, Ruben! Everyone is gonna think you're gay!”
It stung to hear, but she couldn't be right. Authors who craft tales of mobsters and organized crime aren't suddenly dubbed Al Capone. Sci-Fi novelists don't actually traverse time and space to weave their fantastical narratives. The men and women behind fictional espionage dramas aren't typically spies in disguise.
And a straight married man crafting a homoerotic fantasy isn't always a deeply closeted gay man.
Julie bit her lip and flipped forward a few pages.
“I just, I don't get why one of them can't be a woman. If your audience is women then one of them should be a woman, Fifty Shades, Twilight, Harlequin-”
submitted by Past_Put_9859 to PubTips [link] [comments]
I'm hoping for some help here, I've only submitted to 3 agents so far, and the last one hit back with a rejection so fast I felt winded after. I realized I really need to reach out to the wider community and start asking for help with this if I want a better chance in the future.
Thank you all for your time!
Thank
---
Dear Agent,
I’m currently seeking representation for RUBY BIRD, a 66,000 word whirlwind queer romantic drama which takes place as the first novel in my series THE FLIGHT.
His perfectly boring life is shattered in one irreparable swoop when fantasy erotica novelist Ruben Eberly discovers his wife has been seeing someone else, and believing her husband to be a closeted queer man, announces she’s done with their relationship for good. In an attempt to lick his wounds and piece his broken heart back together, Ruben finds himself falling into the arms of his long lost best friend, Paul McKenzie, a free-spirit who carries with him the burden of a terminal cancer diagnosis.
With the goal of enjoying his final days on a road trip from Florida to Texas before hopping a plane to Alaska to die in peace, Ruben invites himself along, and the two make a strong effort to reconnect, with unexpected feelings blossoming as the long journey becomes a series of trysts. Paul’s claim of a terminal diagnosis is far from the only situation on his plate however, as Ruben learns his best friend has fallen head first into a series of addictions that have strangled the beautiful artist into a shell of his former self.
With the reveal that Paul has lied about his numbered days and is in reality planning to end his own life once the pair reach their final destination, Ruben’s goal of celebrating the man’s life becomes a mission to help his best friend face his past childhood trauma, fight his inner demons, and save him from himself.
RUBY BIRD is the first in a planned series of three books that will handle identity, sexuality, addiction, mental health struggles, and trauma, all topics of which I have personal and researched experience with.
Previously, I have self-published two stories, one novella, FOREVER AND FOR ALWAYS, a lesbian romance taking place in a cult that forbids their attraction to one another, and HAIL SANTA, a coming-of-age YA novel about a young man struggling to separate the truth about the world from the lies he’s been told all his life.
While RUBY BIRD has previously been self-published, I retain all rights to my work.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
-Sullivan D. Cohen
-----
First 300 words:
The violent thrash of red and blue danced against white picket fences and pristine flat lawns in the suburban neighborhood I had once called home.
My father's calloused fingers patted my thin shoulder, his voice barely above a whisper as they wheeled her away in a lifeless black bag.
“I'm sorry, buddy,” was all he said, tears coating his throat, his strength failing him for the first time in my life.
I couldn't recall the moment before. My mind wrapped it up in a black cloth, shoved it in a locked box and hid it in a dark corner of my mind that I never dared to venture towards.
All I knew for sure was that she was gone.
Ten years after bringing me into the world, Marilyn Eberly left mine forever.
Chapter 1
An Ode To Norman
My wife clasped the white pages of the manuscript shut between her fingertips and looked at me with an eyebrow raised in utter disbelief.
“You can't actually be considering submitting this to her, Ruben.”
“She wants it.”
“Well I don't want to be the wife of the gay vampire erotica guy.”
“If it pays the bills then why do you care at all?”
“It's embarrassing, Ruben! Everyone is gonna think you're gay!”
It stung to hear, but she couldn't be right. Authors who craft tales of mobsters and organized crime aren't suddenly dubbed Al Capone. Sci-Fi novelists don't actually traverse time and space to weave their fantastical narratives. The men and women behind fictional espionage dramas aren't typically spies in disguise.
And a straight married man crafting a homoerotic fantasy isn't always a deeply closeted gay man.
Julie bit her lip and flipped forward a few pages.
“I just, I don't get why one of them can't be a woman. If your audience is women then one of them should be a woman, Fifty Shades, Twilight, Harlequin-”
2024.05.13 22:31 Alert-Republic8874 in and out of hospital for the past month and a half
I (f, 22) just wanted to vent somewhere people will actually understand. I’ve been dealing with GP for about 4 years now and finally got diagnosed last year, i had the botox injection in september and was in hospital for around a month, didn’t have to go back to a&e at all until the end of march where it all started happening again. for the first time in years i actually felt free and i was able to live as close to a normal life as i could, obviously being careful in what i ate and portion size but pretty much had freedom to eat what i wanted when i wanted and it just made me feel somewhat like a normal person.
since the end of march i’ve been in and out of hospital, i had another round of botox early april but that didn’t seem to help and the doctors couldn’t explain why, they said maybe it wasn’t injected in the right place or they didn’t use enough, they honestly were nearly as clueless as i was. in the end they decided to repeat the botox, that was just over a week ago. i was sent home the same day, had to go back to a&e later that evening, was sent home 2 days later and again was back in a&e that same evening. i’ve now been kept as an inpatient for a week and i’m still finding it hard to eat/drink without being sick and feeling really intense stomach pain, it gets to the point where i’m rolling around, crying and screaming in pain. doctors don’t seem to do much at all other than keep me on regular IV cyclizine and metoclopramide for sickness, subcutaneous morphine injections for the pain and a sliding scale to manage my T1DM.
when i was healthy for that october-march period i’d managed to gain some weight and was around 50kg, a week ago i was back to the godforsaken 46kg i seemed to always be stuck at before, and now i’ve gone down to 43kg which has been really disheartening and has taken a toll on my mental health. i felt i was doing so well, not only had i gained weight but also muscle, i was exercising more than i ever could have before and even walking 10-12km a day, now i can barely walk down the hall without feeling drained. i managed to get a job which i was doing quite well at and it was my first job, at 22, because i could never get hired before due to being so unreliable with my condition, luckily they understand what i have to deal with as it is my boyfriend’s family business.
i don’t know, everything is just making me feel really down and depressed and all i want is to be able to go home and go back to my life. staff at hospital also don’t help, the majority are nice but i still get comments from certain nurses who accuse me of faking to get medication or who complain when i’m crying as i’m “disturbing others” when there’s nothing i can do. i hate the way my body looks again, i hate the gap between my thighs and how i can see my ribs and bony shoulders. i hate my arms even more, all the bruises and needle marks from blood tests and IV drips, it makes me look like a junkie and i find myself crying because of it a lot.
i’ve been referred to another hospital for a consultation regarding a G-POEM but still haven’t heard from them yet. it’s just getting to the point where i’m feeling so hopeless and helpless. i’ve also been put back on anti depressants and taking diazepam regularly to help with the anxiety and distress it all causes.
at home i smoke weed, a decent amount, which helps with my appetite and also helps with my mental health struggles but obviously being in hospital i haven’t been able to smoke which makes everything so much worse as i don’t have anything to distract myself from what’s happening. some days smoking is the only thing that will get me to eat and keep me from having anxiety toward food.
my boyfriend (m, 29) and his family have been really supportive and they’re pretty much the only reason i haven’t spiraled into a full on mental health crisis, he visits nearly everyday and so does his mother who has been such a huge support for me as my own family aren’t there for me. i actually asked my mother if she would come visit me, i knew she wouldn’t, but i did it anyway, she came up with a bullshit excuse as to why she couldn’t and that nearly broke me because i was already feeling so low and on top of that i then felt rejected by my own mother, i should’ve known better but at that moment i just needed my mom. the one who came through for me that day was my boyfriend’s mom who came to see me as soon as she found out how upset i was, she held me, she let me cry and hugged me so tightly and reassured me i was loved and cared for. she’s truly been the mother i needed through this.
i know that i can be somewhat healthy and live almost normally, but right now things are just so bleak and i’m struggling to see a way out, all i want is to just be normal, it’s all i’ve wanted my entire life and it’s like no matter what i will never get that. i’ve had T1DM since i was 9 with 2 diabetes related comas under my belt by age 10, PTSD, depression, and anxiety since 12, and the GP since i was 18, it’s like i can’t catch a break. no one understands what it’s like but i keep getting told “i get it” or “i relate to that” and i know people are trying to make me feel better but to me it just comes across as diminishing what i’m going through and have been going through for so long. I was also recently told just how bad my GP is and i just couldn’t stop crying for hours, i was always told it was ‘severe’ but now i know that i have 96% retention after 4 hours and all it did was make me feel even more hopeless.
sorry for the long post, i just really don’t know where else to go where people might ACTUALLY understand what i’m going through
submitted by Alert-Republic8874 to Gastroparesis [link] [comments]
since the end of march i’ve been in and out of hospital, i had another round of botox early april but that didn’t seem to help and the doctors couldn’t explain why, they said maybe it wasn’t injected in the right place or they didn’t use enough, they honestly were nearly as clueless as i was. in the end they decided to repeat the botox, that was just over a week ago. i was sent home the same day, had to go back to a&e later that evening, was sent home 2 days later and again was back in a&e that same evening. i’ve now been kept as an inpatient for a week and i’m still finding it hard to eat/drink without being sick and feeling really intense stomach pain, it gets to the point where i’m rolling around, crying and screaming in pain. doctors don’t seem to do much at all other than keep me on regular IV cyclizine and metoclopramide for sickness, subcutaneous morphine injections for the pain and a sliding scale to manage my T1DM.
when i was healthy for that october-march period i’d managed to gain some weight and was around 50kg, a week ago i was back to the godforsaken 46kg i seemed to always be stuck at before, and now i’ve gone down to 43kg which has been really disheartening and has taken a toll on my mental health. i felt i was doing so well, not only had i gained weight but also muscle, i was exercising more than i ever could have before and even walking 10-12km a day, now i can barely walk down the hall without feeling drained. i managed to get a job which i was doing quite well at and it was my first job, at 22, because i could never get hired before due to being so unreliable with my condition, luckily they understand what i have to deal with as it is my boyfriend’s family business.
i don’t know, everything is just making me feel really down and depressed and all i want is to be able to go home and go back to my life. staff at hospital also don’t help, the majority are nice but i still get comments from certain nurses who accuse me of faking to get medication or who complain when i’m crying as i’m “disturbing others” when there’s nothing i can do. i hate the way my body looks again, i hate the gap between my thighs and how i can see my ribs and bony shoulders. i hate my arms even more, all the bruises and needle marks from blood tests and IV drips, it makes me look like a junkie and i find myself crying because of it a lot.
i’ve been referred to another hospital for a consultation regarding a G-POEM but still haven’t heard from them yet. it’s just getting to the point where i’m feeling so hopeless and helpless. i’ve also been put back on anti depressants and taking diazepam regularly to help with the anxiety and distress it all causes.
at home i smoke weed, a decent amount, which helps with my appetite and also helps with my mental health struggles but obviously being in hospital i haven’t been able to smoke which makes everything so much worse as i don’t have anything to distract myself from what’s happening. some days smoking is the only thing that will get me to eat and keep me from having anxiety toward food.
my boyfriend (m, 29) and his family have been really supportive and they’re pretty much the only reason i haven’t spiraled into a full on mental health crisis, he visits nearly everyday and so does his mother who has been such a huge support for me as my own family aren’t there for me. i actually asked my mother if she would come visit me, i knew she wouldn’t, but i did it anyway, she came up with a bullshit excuse as to why she couldn’t and that nearly broke me because i was already feeling so low and on top of that i then felt rejected by my own mother, i should’ve known better but at that moment i just needed my mom. the one who came through for me that day was my boyfriend’s mom who came to see me as soon as she found out how upset i was, she held me, she let me cry and hugged me so tightly and reassured me i was loved and cared for. she’s truly been the mother i needed through this.
i know that i can be somewhat healthy and live almost normally, but right now things are just so bleak and i’m struggling to see a way out, all i want is to just be normal, it’s all i’ve wanted my entire life and it’s like no matter what i will never get that. i’ve had T1DM since i was 9 with 2 diabetes related comas under my belt by age 10, PTSD, depression, and anxiety since 12, and the GP since i was 18, it’s like i can’t catch a break. no one understands what it’s like but i keep getting told “i get it” or “i relate to that” and i know people are trying to make me feel better but to me it just comes across as diminishing what i’m going through and have been going through for so long. I was also recently told just how bad my GP is and i just couldn’t stop crying for hours, i was always told it was ‘severe’ but now i know that i have 96% retention after 4 hours and all it did was make me feel even more hopeless.
sorry for the long post, i just really don’t know where else to go where people might ACTUALLY understand what i’m going through
2024.05.13 22:28 healthyhelpinghands 31F - Just realized that I'm a size queen. How do I get over this preference?
I (31F) started dating again a little over a year ago and I have noticed a pattern that's new to me. The sex is bad.
After a string of unhealthy relationships, I took some time (2 years) away from my romantic and sexual interests and dove deep into therapy and focusing on my physical and mental health.
I think I'm starting to realize that there's an unfortunate link between good sex and toxic relationships.
I'm also realizing that I have been incredibly lucky in my sexual history. I've been with a good amount of men. So far, most of them (especially in my long term relationships) have had a penis somewhere between 6-7+ inches.
I have been with 4 men in the past year, all in their 30s, and the sex has been generally not good. Two of them were decent in the 4play department, but not great. The other two were not. And all of them had an unsatisfying penis size for me. As I recently talked this through with a friend, I had no idea that a 5 inch penis was so common. Additionally, most of them all seemed pretty unexperienced and slightly insecure in their relationship to their own bodies and a shared sexual experience. I felt like I was back in my early 20s/late teens.
I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this could just be the price I pay for a healthy relationship. The first two I thought were just unlucky... but after the next two, I'm beginning to feel defeated.
I've heard that most women don't care much about size, but I'm finding that I really miss the connection of that sudden full feeling that makes you feel locked with someone. There's also just the sexual satisfaction that I would get from them mechanics of it all...
I know that I have been attracting men who are more stable than before. All of the recent men I have been with are really nice and kind and mostly have their life together. On paper, they would be great life partners, but I broke it off because the sexual experience was so disappointing. Even though I tried to let this go, I found myself harboring resentments and avoiding intimate contact.
I don't want to be this way. I feel shallow for having this preference and I want to make the decision that maybe sex just isn't that important. When I think like this, I have a feeling of grief that I cant ignore. Sex has always been an important part of my life and identity. I'm having a hard time letting that go.
I haven't found much about this online. I have a feeling it's because there's still so much taboo about women's sexual experience, and saying anything about a man's member size is seen as cruel. It seems like the apex of attacking the male ego. I have avoided posting anything out of fear that I'll be labeled as a shallow b*tch.
I'm also a little angry that these men are in their 30's and haven't figured some of this stuff out by now. I shouldn't have to bear the burden of teaching ANOTHER man to connect with his own body and become better in bed. I did that in my early 20s, and I'm not doing it again. I'll do the basics of telling them what I like, but I refuse to be a mommy in this way - gently teaching a man what he could google all while stroking his ego. (I hope you understand what I mean by mommy - it has more to do with carrying the mental and emotional load).
I guess I'm trying to get some more perspectives from people. Is this part of a sexual life important to anyone else out there? Has anyone had a similar experience and still found a healthy relationship? Should I just get over it with the understanding that the sex may not be great or may take some serious work?
submitted by healthyhelpinghands to dating_advice [link] [comments]
After a string of unhealthy relationships, I took some time (2 years) away from my romantic and sexual interests and dove deep into therapy and focusing on my physical and mental health.
I think I'm starting to realize that there's an unfortunate link between good sex and toxic relationships.
I'm also realizing that I have been incredibly lucky in my sexual history. I've been with a good amount of men. So far, most of them (especially in my long term relationships) have had a penis somewhere between 6-7+ inches.
I have been with 4 men in the past year, all in their 30s, and the sex has been generally not good. Two of them were decent in the 4play department, but not great. The other two were not. And all of them had an unsatisfying penis size for me. As I recently talked this through with a friend, I had no idea that a 5 inch penis was so common. Additionally, most of them all seemed pretty unexperienced and slightly insecure in their relationship to their own bodies and a shared sexual experience. I felt like I was back in my early 20s/late teens.
I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this could just be the price I pay for a healthy relationship. The first two I thought were just unlucky... but after the next two, I'm beginning to feel defeated.
I've heard that most women don't care much about size, but I'm finding that I really miss the connection of that sudden full feeling that makes you feel locked with someone. There's also just the sexual satisfaction that I would get from them mechanics of it all...
I know that I have been attracting men who are more stable than before. All of the recent men I have been with are really nice and kind and mostly have their life together. On paper, they would be great life partners, but I broke it off because the sexual experience was so disappointing. Even though I tried to let this go, I found myself harboring resentments and avoiding intimate contact.
I don't want to be this way. I feel shallow for having this preference and I want to make the decision that maybe sex just isn't that important. When I think like this, I have a feeling of grief that I cant ignore. Sex has always been an important part of my life and identity. I'm having a hard time letting that go.
I haven't found much about this online. I have a feeling it's because there's still so much taboo about women's sexual experience, and saying anything about a man's member size is seen as cruel. It seems like the apex of attacking the male ego. I have avoided posting anything out of fear that I'll be labeled as a shallow b*tch.
I'm also a little angry that these men are in their 30's and haven't figured some of this stuff out by now. I shouldn't have to bear the burden of teaching ANOTHER man to connect with his own body and become better in bed. I did that in my early 20s, and I'm not doing it again. I'll do the basics of telling them what I like, but I refuse to be a mommy in this way - gently teaching a man what he could google all while stroking his ego. (I hope you understand what I mean by mommy - it has more to do with carrying the mental and emotional load).
I guess I'm trying to get some more perspectives from people. Is this part of a sexual life important to anyone else out there? Has anyone had a similar experience and still found a healthy relationship? Should I just get over it with the understanding that the sex may not be great or may take some serious work?
2024.05.13 22:24 stillhungrybaby Best blogging platform for my kind of writing
Hello all,
I'm looking for the best blogging/self-publishing platform where I can publish my stuff and hopefully get paid. I write short stories (usually around 10000 words), essays (on topics like mental health, food, music, politics), poems, and really just very random little pieces about whatever interests me (a lot of it has to do with the everyday agony of life). I'm hoping to find a site where all my stuff fits in, to avoid having to subscribe to multiple platforms. Please let me know if there's one you think would work for me.
Thanks for your help!
submitted by stillhungrybaby to writers [link] [comments]
I'm looking for the best blogging/self-publishing platform where I can publish my stuff and hopefully get paid. I write short stories (usually around 10000 words), essays (on topics like mental health, food, music, politics), poems, and really just very random little pieces about whatever interests me (a lot of it has to do with the everyday agony of life). I'm hoping to find a site where all my stuff fits in, to avoid having to subscribe to multiple platforms. Please let me know if there's one you think would work for me.
Thanks for your help!
2024.05.13 22:24 laesthetique No Partner for 5 years. How to get out of hookup culture?
I (F, bi, mid 20s) have not had a partner for about 5 years now. In that time I’ve had countless first dates, hookups, and a couple mont long semi-monogamous situationships (which I said were not monogmous anymore unless the person made it official) but I can never actually get to a stage where I can call anyone my partner, so i’m looking for advice on how to get out of this rut.
I mostly date women, and would really prefer to be in a relationship with another woman, so that’s why i’m asking here.
When I was younger I was very into hookup culture. When I hit 21 though, I realized that it was a bit dangerous, and harmful for my mental health, so I’ve been trying to find someone to have a longer term, monogamous relationship with.
For a while I was attributing this lack of long term success to disruptions in my life. I had to move a lot in that time period, so wasn’t in any specific social scene consistently, and was in treatment for pretty severe post-traumatic stress disorder, which made dating pretty difficult. My mental health was very poor. But, that part of my life is over, and there prospect of finding a relationship doesn’t seem much better, so I’m a bit worried.
I’ve been on the apps for a while now, and got into “hookup culture,” pretty young. The vast majority of these people have been other women. Since I started early I got good at flirting on the apps, and have gone on a shit ton of first dates. However most don’t follow up. Many of those people turned into close friends, or even people that I was hooking up with semi-monogamously, but eventually split with. I’m still friends with many of those people.
I’ve both tried being genuine, and holding back a bit more. My instincts are to be nice, get back quickly to people, ask a lot of questions, etc… I’ve been described as very “cheery.” However I’ve learned that acting naturally like that is overwhelming, so I’ve made attempts to be a bit more aloof, and to not text as much during the early stages. This doesn’t seem to work very well either; plans just don’t get made.
As I said before, people describe me as “cheery.” I am a musician and have a couple other (kinda niche) hobbies that I’m active in, and have been for a long time (they’re a bit solitary though). The word I’d use to describe myself is “sincere.” I’m always trying to do my best. People used to say I was “intense.” Not as much since I went through trauma therapy though. In general, Im very motivated.
There are a couple people who I’ve liked emotionally who seem to want something more long term. However I wasn’t that attracted to them physically, so I didn’t reciprocate.
I am on the spectrum. However most people don’t notice, and I often get pushback if I disclose “you really don’t seem autistic”. I also do not have the best self esteem. It is hard for me to see someone loving me romantically. Though, my self esteem has been improving.
The long term relationship I was in was pretty abusive too, which probably effects things, though I don’t know how specifically.
I know it’s an all over the place description. But, if I knew what my specific issue was I’d be able to fix it 😅. So, any advice???
In school, and in a major metro, so my issue is not access to people.
submitted by laesthetique to AskLesbians [link] [comments]
I mostly date women, and would really prefer to be in a relationship with another woman, so that’s why i’m asking here.
When I was younger I was very into hookup culture. When I hit 21 though, I realized that it was a bit dangerous, and harmful for my mental health, so I’ve been trying to find someone to have a longer term, monogamous relationship with.
For a while I was attributing this lack of long term success to disruptions in my life. I had to move a lot in that time period, so wasn’t in any specific social scene consistently, and was in treatment for pretty severe post-traumatic stress disorder, which made dating pretty difficult. My mental health was very poor. But, that part of my life is over, and there prospect of finding a relationship doesn’t seem much better, so I’m a bit worried.
I’ve been on the apps for a while now, and got into “hookup culture,” pretty young. The vast majority of these people have been other women. Since I started early I got good at flirting on the apps, and have gone on a shit ton of first dates. However most don’t follow up. Many of those people turned into close friends, or even people that I was hooking up with semi-monogamously, but eventually split with. I’m still friends with many of those people.
I’ve both tried being genuine, and holding back a bit more. My instincts are to be nice, get back quickly to people, ask a lot of questions, etc… I’ve been described as very “cheery.” However I’ve learned that acting naturally like that is overwhelming, so I’ve made attempts to be a bit more aloof, and to not text as much during the early stages. This doesn’t seem to work very well either; plans just don’t get made.
As I said before, people describe me as “cheery.” I am a musician and have a couple other (kinda niche) hobbies that I’m active in, and have been for a long time (they’re a bit solitary though). The word I’d use to describe myself is “sincere.” I’m always trying to do my best. People used to say I was “intense.” Not as much since I went through trauma therapy though. In general, Im very motivated.
There are a couple people who I’ve liked emotionally who seem to want something more long term. However I wasn’t that attracted to them physically, so I didn’t reciprocate.
I am on the spectrum. However most people don’t notice, and I often get pushback if I disclose “you really don’t seem autistic”. I also do not have the best self esteem. It is hard for me to see someone loving me romantically. Though, my self esteem has been improving.
The long term relationship I was in was pretty abusive too, which probably effects things, though I don’t know how specifically.
I know it’s an all over the place description. But, if I knew what my specific issue was I’d be able to fix it 😅. So, any advice???
In school, and in a major metro, so my issue is not access to people.
2024.05.13 22:22 1DMod Sallie Winchester + The Little Mermaid in WAOLOM Eras Visuals
 | I forgot how the west was won… submitted by 1DMod to GaylorSwift [link] [comments] How was the west won? With a shotgun…specifically, a Winchester rifle, Model 73, which is known as “The Gun that Won the West”. (yes, I am well aware the west was “won” via colonization, the massacre of indigenous peoples, the slaughter of animal/plant life, the enslavement of Africans, and the quasi-enslavement of Chinese and Asian peoples) I am going to take you on a journey that is long, meandering, and hopefully loosely braided together by the end. We will be discussing the following topics: The Winchesters, The Winchester Mystery House, Spiritualism, and The Little Mermaid. This is not a fully formed theory, but I do believe it will serve as a building block for other theories that come along. Sarah Winchester: Widow, Heiress, Mad Woman Looking at the visuals for WAOLOM, I was struck by the similarities to the Winchester house and to the story of Sarah Winchester (Sarah Lockwood Pardee), known as Sallie. In 1862, Sallie married William Wirt Winchester, the heir to the Winchester Repeating Arms Company. In 1866, she gave birth to Annie, her daughter who died within a month of birth. Tragically, between the fall of 1880 and the spring of 1881, Sallie’s mother, father-in-law, and her husband died. In 1881, after her father-in-law and husband died within 3 months of one another, Sallie Winchester inherited the Winchester Repeating Arms Company. In 1884, one of Sallie’s sister died. In 1885, at the age of 46, Sallie moved to California from New Haven, CT. In 1886, Sallie purchased a 2-story farmhouse outside of San Jose, California. This house would come to be known as the Llanda Villa during Sallie’s lifetime and later it would be dubbed The Winchester Mystery House. Immediately upon moving in, Sallie began to remodel the home. In 1888, Sallie’s favourite niece, Marion “Daisy” Merriman, moved in with her. For the remainder of Sallie Winchester’s life, her home was under construction – from 1886-1922. At the age of 83, Sallie died on 7 September, 1922. Earliest know image The Winchester Mystery House https://preview.redd.it/raykrlf5490d1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f5be2c55de6af4ab8f53912f0622561b92fd5f6 The story I am about to share has many iterations - some are factual, some are embellished, some are entirely fabricated. The recurring theme is that Sallie is presented as a Mad Woman, a savant, or just a woman ahead of her time in every iteration. As the story goes, Sallie was haunted by the tragedy her life had presented her with – a dead baby, an inability to have more children, and many familial deaths clustered together. After meeting with a Spiritualist, Sallie believed that she was cursed, hunted and haunted by the ghosts of those who had been murdered at the hands of Winchester legacy – the Winchester rifle, the gun that won the west. The Spiritualist (Adam Coons) informed Sallie that she needed to construct a house for the ghosts and that it must never be completed. By 1895, locals had begun to discuss the strange woman who was building a home that seemingly never seemed to cease construction. Rumours started that she believed she would die if she ceased construction on the home. Organ music could be heard late at night. There were rumours that she had parties for spirits with gold serving wear and that she used the bell tower to summon the spirits. While the rumours abounded, there were instances of her those close to her refuting them, saying that Sallie was a very sensible and stable woman – she played the organ when she had insomnia, the belltower was used for workers, and there was never any gold serving wear. The Winchester Mystery House is constructed of doors that go to nowhere, staircases that lead to nothing or end at a ceiling, doors that open to a deadly drop off, windows that go to nothing, trap doors in the floor, very shallow stairs, etc. These were rumoured to be traps for spirits, so they’d become confused and trapped, thus unable to haunt Sallie and her family. The counter to this is that the windows once went somewhere, but that they were closed off when the house was extended, that the shallow stairs were for Sallie’s declining health, etc. Was she a Mad Woman or an independent woman at a time when women weren’t allowed to be? https://preview.redd.it/o8u5fqh9490d1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e0bf97fd1e8261b43a6360032a19a35f32e7b17a https://preview.redd.it/ewdocth9490d1.jpg?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=15fa2de02d0cc6c11565c67be2d0d67bd42f8fc3 The Winchester 13 The Winchester Mystery House is known for the number 13 – 13 bedrooms, 13 bathrooms, 13 windows in certain rooms, etc. However, according to their website, most of these 13 related features were added after Sallie’s death. That said, the home is still deeply associated with the number 13. Links to Taylor What does all of this have to do with Taylor? I’m not entirely sure! But, I think there is a connection to her because of the imagery and the links to Mad Women, being trapped in houses with spirits haunting you, becoming a myth and a legend while still being alive and misunderstood. The name Sarah also stands out to me…Sarah was called Sallie, so it’s almost like an alter ego that you’ve forsaken, but will always be remembered as, is looking over your shoulder for the duration of your life and into the afterlife. ”Sarahs and Hannahs…” WAOLOM Imagery I think there is something about the tour imagery where we zoom into the attic window (attics of our mind) and into the silhouette, only to emerge in what feels like that person’s mind/inner world…and then we are pulled out even further to see Taylor in all of her feminine rage (the musical). If she is a spirit trapped inside of the house of her mind, then is what we are seeing the manifestation of her inner thoughts/fears/desires or is the woman in the attic the authentic self that has been locked away and what we are seeing on stage at the Eras tour is the performative self that was forced to lock away the authentic self because she’s an unaccepted Mad Woman? https://reddit.com/link/1cr9du9/video/pelho5wl490d1/player Taking these thoughts further, the WAOLOM imagery we see progresses even further and encompasses The Little Mermaid. It’s simultaneously showing us that one version of Taylor is The Little Mermaid and one version of Taylor is The Sea Witch – she is both victim and villain, hero and anti-hero. Taylor has both given up her voice and is also wielding it with ferocious power and magic. (I will add a video of the little mermaid when I’m on a computer. my phone only allows one video. I am assuming many users can visually remember what this scene looks like, but you know what they say about assuming!) I don’t know the show Supernatural well enough to make any connections to this, but I do know and find worthy of note:
|
2024.05.13 22:20 securimancer Day in a Life of a Principal Security Engineer
 | a securimancer working to keep Reddit safe and secure submitted by securimancer to RedditEng [link] [comments] Written by u/securimancer Greetings fine humans. I’m here today writing a “Day in a Life” blog post because someone asked me to. I cannot imagine this is interesting, but Redditors tend to surprise me so let’s do this. Morning Routine Like many of us, mornings are when I take care of all the dependent lifeforms under my command. Get in an hour or so of video games (Unicorn Overlord currently) for my mental health. Feed the coterie of beasts (including the children), make coffee for the wife and me, prep the kids for school. Catch up on Colbert (my news needs comedy otherwise darkness consumes), check out what’s been happening on Medium and Reddit, and read a few of my favorite cybersecurity / engineering mail lists. Crack open the ol’ calendar and see what my ratio of “get shit done” to “help other people get shit done” is in store for my day. All roughly before 8am. And the beauty of working for a Bay Area company (if we can call it that, we’re so remote friendly) is that I normally have a precious few hours before people in SF wake up to get things done. Daily Tasks Each morning has a brief reflection of what I need to get done that day. I’m a big fan of the Eisenhower Method to figure out what I actually need to prioritize in my day. It’s exceedingly rare that I get a majority of my day focused on work that I’ve initiated, so prioritizing activities from code review and pull request feedback to architectural systems design reviews to pair programming requests from the team to random break/fix fires that pop up, all of that gets organized so I feel like I’m (at least trying) to do the most impactful work for the day. Reddit has a few systems to help drive queues of work: Jira for planned work and “big rock” items that we’re trying to accomplish for that quarter, Harold (an in-house developed shame mechanism) for code review and deployment, and Launch Control (Reddit’s flavor of Google’s LaunchCal) for architecture design reviews. Plenty of potential dopamine hits as “things to get done.” Meetings It’s exceedingly rare that I have meetings that could have been an email (and if I do, they’re almost always vendor meetings). A lot of what my meetings tend to focus on are around conflict resolutions across teams as we try to achieve different goals or drive consensus to resolve problems that come up on various programs teams are trying to deliver. Working on Security, you can often get perceived as the “Department of No”, but in every meeting I work hard to make sure that isn’t the case. It starts with getting a shared context of what is the problem at hand, understanding the outcomes that we need to drive toward and inputs into the problem (timelines, humans, trade offs), and deciding how we move forward. Meetings are a terrible way to convey decisions as they are only as good as the individuals that remember them, so lots of these meetings are centered around decision docs or technical design reviews. Capturing your rationale for a decision not only helps make sure you understand the problem (if you can’t write about it, it’s hard to think about it), but also helps capture the whys and rationale behind those decisions for future you and other product and engineering staff. There’s also meetings that I live for, those that are building up humans. We have biweekly SPACE (Security, Privacy, and Compliance Engineering) brown bags where we talk about new things we’ve shipped or some training topic that upskills all of us. We have biweekly threat modeling meetings where we pick a topic/scenario and go through a threat modeling exercise live, which helps build the muscle memory of how to do technical diagramming, and helps build a shared context of how the system works, what our risk appetite is, and how various team members think about the problem providing multiple viewpoints to the discussion (honestly the most valuable component). As a Principal Engineer, I’m keenly aware of my humanity and the fact that I do not scale in my efforts alone: training and building up future PEs is how I scale myself (at least until cloning becomes more readily available). Ubiquity One of my super powers is being everything everywhere all at once, or so I’ve been told by my fellow Snoos. I’ve been told that I have an uncanny knack to be in so many Slack channels and part of so many threads of discussion that it’s “inhuman”. Being a damn fine security engineer is hard because not only do you have to have the understanding and context of the thing you’re trying to secure, but also know how to actually secure the thing. This is nigh impossible if you don’t know what’s going on in your business (and we’re still “small enough” size-wise that this is still possible for one human), so I’ve got Slack keyword alerts, channel organization, and a giant 49” ultrawide monitor that has a dedicated Slack tiled window to keep me plugged in and accessible. I also have developed over many years my response to pings from Slack: “Can I solve this problem, if not who can? Is this something I should solve or can I delegate? Can this be answered async with good quality, or is a larger block of dedicated time required to solve? Is this thread too long and needs a different approach?” This workflow is second nature to me and helps me move around the org. I’ve also been here almost 5 years and, as I’m in Security and have to know everything about everything to secure anything (which I don’t, but I am a master of Googling, learning, and listening), I’ve been exposed to pretty much everything in our engineering sphere. With that knowledge comes great power of helping connect teams together that wouldn’t have connected otherwise. Do Security Stuffs Occasionally I actually get to do “security” things. These past two quarters it’s been launching Reddit’s “unified access control” solution leveraging Cloudflare Zero Trust, moving us off old crusty Nginx OAuth proxies onto a modern system that has such groundbreaking things like Not everything is 0s and 1s, however. A lot of security is process, paperwork, and persistence. Designing workflow approval processes for how an IAM flow should look like. Reviewing IT corporate policies for accuracy and applicability. Crafting responses to potential advertisers’ IT teams on “how secure is Reddit, really”. Writing documentation for how an engineering system works and how other engineers should interact with it. Updating runbooks with steps on how others should respond to an incident or page. Building Grafana dashboards to quantify and visualize how a tooling rollout is working. Providing consulting on product features like authentication / authorization business logic across services. Interviewing, not only for my own team but also within other engineering and cross-functional areas of the business. End of Day Routine Eventually, I run out of time in the day as I’m beckoned away from my dark, cave-like, Diet Coke strewn office by the promise of dinner. Wrapping up document review, (hopefully) crossing things off my to-do list, and closing out Slack threads for the day, I try to pack everything up and not carry it with me after work. It’s challenging being an almost completely remote company with a heavy presence in the West Coast, as pings and notifications come in as dinner and kids’ bedtime happens. But I know not everything can be finished in a day, some things will slip, and there will always be more work tomorrow. Which is juxtaposed occasionally with bouts of imposter syndrome, even for someone as senior and tenured as I am. Happens to all of us. After-hours work is restricted to on-call duty and pet projects. You don’t want to know how many on-call queues I’m secondary escalation on. Or how many Single Point of Securimancers services that I still own (looking at you, Reddit onion service). And pet projects are typically things that I’ve got desires to do: prototyping security solutions we want to look into, messing with my k8s homelab, doing routine upgrades. Nothing clears the mind like watching semver numbers go up (until you find the undocumented change that breaks everything). Future Outlook And finally, what's on the horizon for our little SPACE team? We’re still a small team coming out of IPO, and our greatest super power is networking and influencing our engineering peers. We got our ISO 27001 and SOC2 Type 2 last year and continue to ever increase scope and complexity of public accreditation. We’re close partners with our Infrastructure and IT teams to modernize our tech and continue to evolve our capabilities in host and network security, data loss prevention, and security observability. We’ve got two wonderful interns from YearUp that started and are going to be with us this summer, and we continue to focus on improving our team composition (more women and diversity, more junior folks and less singleton seniors). All of this work takes effort by this PE. So there you have it, a “day in a life” of a u/securimancer. If you made it this far, congratulations on your achievement. Got any questions or want to share your own experiences? Drop 'em in the comments below! |
2024.05.13 22:16 Small-Extension-528 Just feeling a bit defeated
Hi all! Apologies in advance for a bit of a rambling post. FTM, LO is almost 8weeks. It’s been a struggle lol. She was having a rough time latching, swallowing lots of air bc it was shallow & consequently struggling with terrible gas, so for the first 5 weeks we were going to lactation consultant appts weekly. It was exhausting. I thought once we solved the latch issues, things would improve. I was so excited when around 5 weeks she started to BF without issue and her gas problems significantly improved. Yay! Plus, I had really wanted to EBF. Things were ok for about a week and then started to backslide. She would refuse the breast, even with a nipple shield, lots of choking and gagging while nursing, hiccups, or nurse for a couple minutes and pop off and just scream. When she would get a full feed in, she would cry for an hour or more after, sleep for 10 minutes, and then the whole process would start over again. It was starting to take a cumulative toll on my mental health; my husband and parents said they hadn’t see me laugh since LO arrived, and I felt miserable, crying every day and feeling like an abject failure. I mentioned to my pediatrician that I thought maybe she had reflux, but she said that the absence of high volume spit up made it more likely that her digestive tract was just maturing. For my sanity, I switched to pumping and bottle feeding and just gave up on breastfeeding, which was so hard bc I had really wanted to EBF, and the few times she did nurse well were such sweet bonding experiences. Things got a lot better with that decision, but in the past week, she seems to have regressed again. She’s been choking/gagging again, foul smelling spit up, lots of hiccups, minimal fitful sleep, wet burps that wake her from sleeping and cause her to cry. We’ve been keeping her upright for 30 min post feeds and using gas drops & probiotics. I’m now convinced she has reflux and have an appt with my pediatrician tomorrow to discuss. I just feel so defeated because I look back on the past 8 weeks and see how all the issues we had breast feeding could be related to reflux. She’s become so accustomed to bottles in the past 2 weeks that she won’t latch at all now, and we had worked so hard for those 5 weeks to get a good latch. I admire women who pump but I so wanted to breastfeed and now I feel like I lost that opportunity because the reflux wasn’t treated and she’s so accustomed to bottles. If it’s not reflux, I’m scared that she’ll start to reject a bottle, right when I thought we had found something that was working so well for both of us. I suppose there’s not really a point to this post, just feeling really worn down, exhausted, and like every time I find a way to make feeding enjoyable/less stressful for us, there’s a new roadblock.
submitted by Small-Extension-528 to breastfeeding [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 22:16 SiriusFiction Happy Ending for 1984 [5HC spoilers]
Again, cautiously I proceed, believing there is a danger in applying anything from one of the novellas in The Fifth Head of Cerberus to one or both of the others. With that caveat out of the way, let me explore the potential provenance of “‘A Story’ by John V. Marsch” in light of the revealed situation in “V.R.T.”
“V.R.T.” gives us a Soviet model of crime and punishment which recasts “A Story” as being a work of rehabilitation rather than one of anthropology. I sketch some of this territory in “Appendix VRT8: A Soviet Model” (part of Gene Wolfe’s First Four Novels: A Chapter Guide), but I would like to expand it a bit here.
I believe “V.R.T.” is largely patterned on Arthur Koestler’s Darkness at Noon (1940). Koestler reveals in his novel that with the Soviet system, a court case could not advance to the show trial stage until after the prisoner had signed a false confession that had been crafted entirely by the authorities. This fantastical document of made-up crime is referred to as “The Grammatical Fiction,” and by definition it is not written by the prisoner, it is written by his jailers, in order to justify his pre-determined fate.
I pause here to note that George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949) is really a “happy ending” version of Darkness at Noon. Be aware that there will be spoilers ahead for both 1984 and Darkness at Noon.
Robert Borski is on record arguing that prisoner 143 wrote “A Story” while in prison. I am on record arguing against that, both author and setting, but I will go through a steelman argument of what I think such a thing would look like, using elements I have already published, bending and combining them in service to this new task.
To prepare the way, I will engage in a long-delayed response to Borski’s “Marschian Sexuality” (2006), a brief article that detects in the Earth anthropologist Marsch a homosexual nature (The Long and the Short of It, 49). Borski notes that Marsch’s journal describes teenage Victor as “handsome in a rather sensitive way,” and that later entries show Marsch increasingly agitated by the idea that Victor might be sexually engaged with the suspected abo girl, an agitation that rises in intensity to the point Marsch writes about shooting them both if he catches them together. As telling as that is, for Borski, “the clincher is he reports in his journal that he’s noticed Victor is uncircumcised.”
This is the first I saw such an idea, and I applaud Borski for his textual detective work. I will build upon this, going in a different direction than Borski goes.
If a reader believes there are two distinct personalities in prisoner 143, it makes sense that there be differences to distinguish between the two, differences in voice that will appear in text. Both Marsch and Victor are male; one is in his twenties, the other a teen; one is highly educated, the other is barely educated; both are beardless. Totaling these up, they are practically twins, so a difference in sexual orientation could show which personality is writing a given sentence.
Borski assigns the misogynistic remark about Celestine Etienne to the Victor side (49), whereas I take this as expressing the Marsch persona, along with the other misogynisms, such as “Most medical men . . . [only] prolong the lives of ugly women” (5HC, 205).
By my reframing, prisoner 143 is ostensibly a misogynistic homosexual, yet during his extra-harsh time in the tomb-like underground cell he writes about dream women (5HC, 210-11) and a prostitute he hired on Ste. Anne (212). After this he gets positive reinforcement, being moved back to his original cell (231), being given the best food and a bath (231), and being given an intimate visit by Celestine Etienne (232). Then, when he is about to burn his uncollected notes, his jailers confiscate them (233).
This technique employed by the jailers to break him down is not special, it is their standard way, as declared by the letter: “We are pursuing the usual policy of alternately lenient and severe treatment to produce a breakdown” (242). Yet the resulting breakdown might actually serve to wean Victor of the Marsch persona; or to exorcise the Marsch spirit, in possession terms; or, in actor’s terms, to relegate the role into a mere mask. If Victor’s mother can shift between multiple roles, it shows the importance of not confusing a mask for the core.
One model I looked at in my chapter guide was that the government fears prisoner 143 is a human sniper disguised as an abo klutz (“Appendix 5HC2: A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing”). The opposite to this would be a sheep-in-wolf’s-clothing, which looks like Red Riding Hood in the belly of the wolf.
Returning to the Soviet model of “V.R.T.,” perceptive readers will have been arguing for nine paragraphs that “A Story” does not look like a Grammatical Fiction; it looks more like a fictionalization of a personal psychological reintegration, ending in the killing of an ogre and the subduing of a shadow twin. In a sense, this puts “A Story” in company with I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (1964), a famous fictionalization of a personal psychological reintegration. As such, consider this mapping of “A Story” to Victor’s point of view in “V.R.T.” (similar to the table in the aforementioned “Appendix VRT8”).
=A Story: V.R.T.=
Quest to become a man: expedition starts (find abos/mother)
Become a shadow friend: Marsch as patron (*)
The girlfriend (Seven Girls Waiting): the cat/abo girlfriend
Vision of mother in danger: clue in Roncevaux
Trip by river: starcrosser to Ste. Croix
The trap (capture by marshmen): murder of Number Four
The prison: #143
The family reunion in prison: the incoherent neighbor as mother
The girlfriend in prison: Celestine Etienne
The miracle: (black box**, reality breakthrough)
The execution of Last Voice: (black box, the killing of the ogre)
The switch: (black box, the subduing of the shadow twin)
* for “Become a shadow friend: Marsch as patron” I am especially struck by the parallel scenes where the hero, facing a threatening male, weeps and is comforted. In “A Story” this is where Sandwalker prepares to fight the intoxicated Shadow Child (5HC, 86); in “V.R.T.” this is where Marsch asks Victor what he will do when he is a man (5HC, 159), and six days later they talk about an anthropology book Victor has read (223). In addition, the way that the Old Wise One of “A Story” speaks in scientific jargon forms an unexpected link to Marsch-as-tutor; and Victor’s imitation of Marsch and Hagsmith swells their camp number to four, similar to the fluctuating number of phantom-like Shadow Children.
** by “black box,” I mean that science and technology term wherein an input goes into a black box and the black box emits a transformed output, but the internal working of the box remains mysterious and opaque. One explicit “black box” in “V.R.T.” involves the murder out in the field: we witness events leading up to that incident, and notes after the incident, but the incident itself remains mysterious and opaque.
Continuing beyond this mapping, the letter from the jailers to the junior officer names two solutions: execution of 143 as an agent of Ste. Anne; release of 143 as a scientist from Earth, “at least until he further incriminates himself” (241): in effect, the Darkness at Noon option (execution), or the 1984 option (release for eventual execution). In his response, the junior officer writes that neither is acceptable, and that, “Until complete cooperation is achieved we direct you to continue to detain the prisoner” (243). This “complete cooperation” sounds like the prerequisite for “Grammatical Fiction,” but it also could imply an implied third option, a “fork ending” of the sort promoted by Damon Knight (who, you will recall, grew Gene from a bean), where the third ending is not named but subtly foreshadowed. So, if the end result, the black box output, is the production of “A Story” (foreshadowed by appearing in the text before “V.R.T.”), then the implied off-the-page ending of “V.R.T.” is not a list of imaginary crimes to warrant 143’s execution as a sniper agent, but an anthropological romance to allow 143’s release as a scientist from Earth. Yet this is not the simple release of 143 as the 1984 option, it is a third way: to avoid the possibility that he “further incriminate himself,” the jailers must actively remake him as a scientist from Earth, if only as a stable role. According to my thought chains on Manchurian Candidates (ibid “Appendix 5HC2”), the government therefore must first determine that prisoner 143 is not, in fact, capable of being a sniper (i.e., an Earthman with proven skill at long range rifle use), but is an abo klutz.
Given that Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949) is a “happy ending” version of Koestler’s Darkness at Noon, I hope I have made clear the likely stages required for an even “happier ending” in “A Story” as a rehabilitation document for prisoner 143. The “Grammatical Fiction” has turned into I Never Promised You a Rose Garden; the Soviet-style prison is revealed to be more like a healing mental health hospital, if only for this one exceptional case where the government finds itself in a bind.
submitted by SiriusFiction to genewolfe [link] [comments]
“V.R.T.” gives us a Soviet model of crime and punishment which recasts “A Story” as being a work of rehabilitation rather than one of anthropology. I sketch some of this territory in “Appendix VRT8: A Soviet Model” (part of Gene Wolfe’s First Four Novels: A Chapter Guide), but I would like to expand it a bit here.
I believe “V.R.T.” is largely patterned on Arthur Koestler’s Darkness at Noon (1940). Koestler reveals in his novel that with the Soviet system, a court case could not advance to the show trial stage until after the prisoner had signed a false confession that had been crafted entirely by the authorities. This fantastical document of made-up crime is referred to as “The Grammatical Fiction,” and by definition it is not written by the prisoner, it is written by his jailers, in order to justify his pre-determined fate.
I pause here to note that George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949) is really a “happy ending” version of Darkness at Noon. Be aware that there will be spoilers ahead for both 1984 and Darkness at Noon.
Robert Borski is on record arguing that prisoner 143 wrote “A Story” while in prison. I am on record arguing against that, both author and setting, but I will go through a steelman argument of what I think such a thing would look like, using elements I have already published, bending and combining them in service to this new task.
To prepare the way, I will engage in a long-delayed response to Borski’s “Marschian Sexuality” (2006), a brief article that detects in the Earth anthropologist Marsch a homosexual nature (The Long and the Short of It, 49). Borski notes that Marsch’s journal describes teenage Victor as “handsome in a rather sensitive way,” and that later entries show Marsch increasingly agitated by the idea that Victor might be sexually engaged with the suspected abo girl, an agitation that rises in intensity to the point Marsch writes about shooting them both if he catches them together. As telling as that is, for Borski, “the clincher is he reports in his journal that he’s noticed Victor is uncircumcised.”
This is the first I saw such an idea, and I applaud Borski for his textual detective work. I will build upon this, going in a different direction than Borski goes.
If a reader believes there are two distinct personalities in prisoner 143, it makes sense that there be differences to distinguish between the two, differences in voice that will appear in text. Both Marsch and Victor are male; one is in his twenties, the other a teen; one is highly educated, the other is barely educated; both are beardless. Totaling these up, they are practically twins, so a difference in sexual orientation could show which personality is writing a given sentence.
Borski assigns the misogynistic remark about Celestine Etienne to the Victor side (49), whereas I take this as expressing the Marsch persona, along with the other misogynisms, such as “Most medical men . . . [only] prolong the lives of ugly women” (5HC, 205).
By my reframing, prisoner 143 is ostensibly a misogynistic homosexual, yet during his extra-harsh time in the tomb-like underground cell he writes about dream women (5HC, 210-11) and a prostitute he hired on Ste. Anne (212). After this he gets positive reinforcement, being moved back to his original cell (231), being given the best food and a bath (231), and being given an intimate visit by Celestine Etienne (232). Then, when he is about to burn his uncollected notes, his jailers confiscate them (233).
This technique employed by the jailers to break him down is not special, it is their standard way, as declared by the letter: “We are pursuing the usual policy of alternately lenient and severe treatment to produce a breakdown” (242). Yet the resulting breakdown might actually serve to wean Victor of the Marsch persona; or to exorcise the Marsch spirit, in possession terms; or, in actor’s terms, to relegate the role into a mere mask. If Victor’s mother can shift between multiple roles, it shows the importance of not confusing a mask for the core.
One model I looked at in my chapter guide was that the government fears prisoner 143 is a human sniper disguised as an abo klutz (“Appendix 5HC2: A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing”). The opposite to this would be a sheep-in-wolf’s-clothing, which looks like Red Riding Hood in the belly of the wolf.
Returning to the Soviet model of “V.R.T.,” perceptive readers will have been arguing for nine paragraphs that “A Story” does not look like a Grammatical Fiction; it looks more like a fictionalization of a personal psychological reintegration, ending in the killing of an ogre and the subduing of a shadow twin. In a sense, this puts “A Story” in company with I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (1964), a famous fictionalization of a personal psychological reintegration. As such, consider this mapping of “A Story” to Victor’s point of view in “V.R.T.” (similar to the table in the aforementioned “Appendix VRT8”).
=A Story: V.R.T.=
Quest to become a man: expedition starts (find abos/mother)
Become a shadow friend: Marsch as patron (*)
The girlfriend (Seven Girls Waiting): the cat/abo girlfriend
Vision of mother in danger: clue in Roncevaux
Trip by river: starcrosser to Ste. Croix
The trap (capture by marshmen): murder of Number Four
The prison: #143
The family reunion in prison: the incoherent neighbor as mother
The girlfriend in prison: Celestine Etienne
The miracle: (black box**, reality breakthrough)
The execution of Last Voice: (black box, the killing of the ogre)
The switch: (black box, the subduing of the shadow twin)
* for “Become a shadow friend: Marsch as patron” I am especially struck by the parallel scenes where the hero, facing a threatening male, weeps and is comforted. In “A Story” this is where Sandwalker prepares to fight the intoxicated Shadow Child (5HC, 86); in “V.R.T.” this is where Marsch asks Victor what he will do when he is a man (5HC, 159), and six days later they talk about an anthropology book Victor has read (223). In addition, the way that the Old Wise One of “A Story” speaks in scientific jargon forms an unexpected link to Marsch-as-tutor; and Victor’s imitation of Marsch and Hagsmith swells their camp number to four, similar to the fluctuating number of phantom-like Shadow Children.
** by “black box,” I mean that science and technology term wherein an input goes into a black box and the black box emits a transformed output, but the internal working of the box remains mysterious and opaque. One explicit “black box” in “V.R.T.” involves the murder out in the field: we witness events leading up to that incident, and notes after the incident, but the incident itself remains mysterious and opaque.
Continuing beyond this mapping, the letter from the jailers to the junior officer names two solutions: execution of 143 as an agent of Ste. Anne; release of 143 as a scientist from Earth, “at least until he further incriminates himself” (241): in effect, the Darkness at Noon option (execution), or the 1984 option (release for eventual execution). In his response, the junior officer writes that neither is acceptable, and that, “Until complete cooperation is achieved we direct you to continue to detain the prisoner” (243). This “complete cooperation” sounds like the prerequisite for “Grammatical Fiction,” but it also could imply an implied third option, a “fork ending” of the sort promoted by Damon Knight (who, you will recall, grew Gene from a bean), where the third ending is not named but subtly foreshadowed. So, if the end result, the black box output, is the production of “A Story” (foreshadowed by appearing in the text before “V.R.T.”), then the implied off-the-page ending of “V.R.T.” is not a list of imaginary crimes to warrant 143’s execution as a sniper agent, but an anthropological romance to allow 143’s release as a scientist from Earth. Yet this is not the simple release of 143 as the 1984 option, it is a third way: to avoid the possibility that he “further incriminate himself,” the jailers must actively remake him as a scientist from Earth, if only as a stable role. According to my thought chains on Manchurian Candidates (ibid “Appendix 5HC2”), the government therefore must first determine that prisoner 143 is not, in fact, capable of being a sniper (i.e., an Earthman with proven skill at long range rifle use), but is an abo klutz.
Given that Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949) is a “happy ending” version of Koestler’s Darkness at Noon, I hope I have made clear the likely stages required for an even “happier ending” in “A Story” as a rehabilitation document for prisoner 143. The “Grammatical Fiction” has turned into I Never Promised You a Rose Garden; the Soviet-style prison is revealed to be more like a healing mental health hospital, if only for this one exceptional case where the government finds itself in a bind.
2024.05.13 22:12 ResilientThrowaway01 Getting a long-term relationship break-up off my chest (I am the dumper) + some motivation
Hello everyone, I've been dealing with a break up that shook up everything about myself for the past 7 months. I just want to write this as a reflective piece. This was a 3 and a half year long relationship.
So I was dating a woman that I met in college (she was slightly older than me so she already had graduated), and the first few months felt like heaven. I never really had a relationship before where I felt so compelled, so in love with someone. And she really was a sweetheart, she did so many nice gestures, date ideas for us, and I was completely in sync and returned the favor as well. But then COVID hit and we went to remote learning/working from home. And this is honestly where our relationship's issues started to come into play, and not because of us (initially). Without revealing anything personal, my ex worked an incredibly abusive and demanding job that would have her often working until midnight or later, every single day. And this went on for years. The issue with this, on top of her trying to study, was that everything in our relationship had to either be cut off or revolve around her job. The thing is though, is that I learned over time (especially once I started my career and worked for a bit), was that she was under no obligation to actually work these insane hours with no overtime. She was just letting her job take advantage of her and essentially bully/pressure her into doing far more work than she needed to. While short-term this was not a huge issue to me, this was also actively eating into her own personal goals and achievements, and was taking a toll on her health as well.
I tried everything in the most polite way possible to convince her to look elsewhere, think of other opportunities (never told her to just outright quit as thats not my place), but she seemed to always dig her heels in and try to complain internally at her job, which literally never worked. It always led to bigger issues down the line. And eventually, it started to genuinely annoy me that our relationship was basically stalling and we were only seeing each other once a week or once every two weeks. I still genuinely loved her (and she really loved me) though, and tried my hardest to support her through it. By comparison, with my first job (which was in an extremely similar field), I was only working 40 hours a week, maybe 50 tops. But it was starting to get extremely worrisome that even by the 2 and a half year mark, I couldn't even get her to come on a vacation without her abruptly having to leave.
I want to make it clear though that despite all these issues, we were always incredibly understanding and honest to each other, and that if I had not made the decision I made, she never would have broken up with me, and probably would have been an incredibly loyal wife. However, after another year of feeling like she was really being more loyal to a shitty job than to me (and some other issues as well, without getting too into it I wasn't really able to bring myself to care about her interests anymore out of frustration, her problems that stemmed from never wanted to confront them was getting to me where I just didn't have it in me anymore, and her friends were pretty much actively shittalking me behind my back despite being significantly more supportive to her than any of her friends were, who basically used her constantly), I decided that I was going to end things with her. I did everything about the break-up correctly and respectfully, I went to her place, said that it wasn't fair for her to date someone that just didn't have it in them anymore, and I left. And that was the last I ever spoke to her.
Ever since I broke up with her, I've been hard blocked, no-contact style on everything by her. And for a long time (and even recently), it sucked hard. Someone that I spent so much time with, someone that I put so much love into, so many deep conversations that left me so happy, to see her just sort of treat me like I don't exist hurt like a motherfucker. I know it was definitely harder for her initially, as I dumped her, the guilt of hurting someone as sweet, smart, and as kind as she was absolutely ruined me. I'm ashamed to admit it, but multiple times I tried to contact her, just to talk, but every time it was met with deafening silence. Nothing.
To make matters worse, within a week of our breakup, I was laid off as well at my job.
But this is where things take a turn.
I was never a fit guy, but from starting a career at a sedentary job and feeling set in life with a beautiful girlfriend, I put on some serious pounds, I went from a little pudgy to straight up fat. I was starting to develop awful acid reflux + I have a nasty double chin when I'm fat, and with my job and my love life gone, I realized that for the first time in my life, I'm going to fight for myself, to be proud of how I look and feel. And thats exactly what I did. I took all of that sorrow, all of that guilt, and I took it to the gym, and I interviewed my ass off with some companies.
Flash forward to seven months later (now), I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life (sub-20% bodyfat and looking to cut even more), all of my stomach issues disappeared from being active, and now I work at a job far better (and more stable) than my last one. As someone who never seemed to attract women, I'm actually starting to have great conversations and meet new people (although I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again) who genuinely seem interested in me. I feel great, and I feel motivated. I knew it wasn't going to be easy being alone, but I believe I'm doing the right thing. I think anyone going through something like this needs to hear this; don't give up. You put the work into yourself and it'll all come together. Its never too late.
And typing this post was very therapeutic, felt like getting a massive weight off my chest. I still feel the pain of loneliness and missing my ex's compassion and companionship sometimes, but I don't truly regret my decision. I really wish we worked out, but ultimately her inability to confront her problems was her own worst enemy. I'm the exact opposite, I confront my problems head on. I just hope that one day I find someone perfect for me.
Thanks for reading.
submitted by ResilientThrowaway01 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
So I was dating a woman that I met in college (she was slightly older than me so she already had graduated), and the first few months felt like heaven. I never really had a relationship before where I felt so compelled, so in love with someone. And she really was a sweetheart, she did so many nice gestures, date ideas for us, and I was completely in sync and returned the favor as well. But then COVID hit and we went to remote learning/working from home. And this is honestly where our relationship's issues started to come into play, and not because of us (initially). Without revealing anything personal, my ex worked an incredibly abusive and demanding job that would have her often working until midnight or later, every single day. And this went on for years. The issue with this, on top of her trying to study, was that everything in our relationship had to either be cut off or revolve around her job. The thing is though, is that I learned over time (especially once I started my career and worked for a bit), was that she was under no obligation to actually work these insane hours with no overtime. She was just letting her job take advantage of her and essentially bully/pressure her into doing far more work than she needed to. While short-term this was not a huge issue to me, this was also actively eating into her own personal goals and achievements, and was taking a toll on her health as well.
I tried everything in the most polite way possible to convince her to look elsewhere, think of other opportunities (never told her to just outright quit as thats not my place), but she seemed to always dig her heels in and try to complain internally at her job, which literally never worked. It always led to bigger issues down the line. And eventually, it started to genuinely annoy me that our relationship was basically stalling and we were only seeing each other once a week or once every two weeks. I still genuinely loved her (and she really loved me) though, and tried my hardest to support her through it. By comparison, with my first job (which was in an extremely similar field), I was only working 40 hours a week, maybe 50 tops. But it was starting to get extremely worrisome that even by the 2 and a half year mark, I couldn't even get her to come on a vacation without her abruptly having to leave.
I want to make it clear though that despite all these issues, we were always incredibly understanding and honest to each other, and that if I had not made the decision I made, she never would have broken up with me, and probably would have been an incredibly loyal wife. However, after another year of feeling like she was really being more loyal to a shitty job than to me (and some other issues as well, without getting too into it I wasn't really able to bring myself to care about her interests anymore out of frustration, her problems that stemmed from never wanted to confront them was getting to me where I just didn't have it in me anymore, and her friends were pretty much actively shittalking me behind my back despite being significantly more supportive to her than any of her friends were, who basically used her constantly), I decided that I was going to end things with her. I did everything about the break-up correctly and respectfully, I went to her place, said that it wasn't fair for her to date someone that just didn't have it in them anymore, and I left. And that was the last I ever spoke to her.
Ever since I broke up with her, I've been hard blocked, no-contact style on everything by her. And for a long time (and even recently), it sucked hard. Someone that I spent so much time with, someone that I put so much love into, so many deep conversations that left me so happy, to see her just sort of treat me like I don't exist hurt like a motherfucker. I know it was definitely harder for her initially, as I dumped her, the guilt of hurting someone as sweet, smart, and as kind as she was absolutely ruined me. I'm ashamed to admit it, but multiple times I tried to contact her, just to talk, but every time it was met with deafening silence. Nothing.
To make matters worse, within a week of our breakup, I was laid off as well at my job.
But this is where things take a turn.
I was never a fit guy, but from starting a career at a sedentary job and feeling set in life with a beautiful girlfriend, I put on some serious pounds, I went from a little pudgy to straight up fat. I was starting to develop awful acid reflux + I have a nasty double chin when I'm fat, and with my job and my love life gone, I realized that for the first time in my life, I'm going to fight for myself, to be proud of how I look and feel. And thats exactly what I did. I took all of that sorrow, all of that guilt, and I took it to the gym, and I interviewed my ass off with some companies.
Flash forward to seven months later (now), I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life (sub-20% bodyfat and looking to cut even more), all of my stomach issues disappeared from being active, and now I work at a job far better (and more stable) than my last one. As someone who never seemed to attract women, I'm actually starting to have great conversations and meet new people (although I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again) who genuinely seem interested in me. I feel great, and I feel motivated. I knew it wasn't going to be easy being alone, but I believe I'm doing the right thing. I think anyone going through something like this needs to hear this; don't give up. You put the work into yourself and it'll all come together. Its never too late.
And typing this post was very therapeutic, felt like getting a massive weight off my chest. I still feel the pain of loneliness and missing my ex's compassion and companionship sometimes, but I don't truly regret my decision. I really wish we worked out, but ultimately her inability to confront her problems was her own worst enemy. I'm the exact opposite, I confront my problems head on. I just hope that one day I find someone perfect for me.
Thanks for reading.
2024.05.13 22:08 Chika-chan44 Am I the ahole for defending myself against a friend who wasn’t even present during the original argument?
Hello all! I’m a big Charlotte Dobre fan, and a long time lurker in the community. It took some time for me to work up the courage to post this story, but I feel as thought I am finally ready to share.
So a bit of background. I had this friend group of a few women throughout my high school and college years and into my adult life. They were all like sisters to me and we got along well. Most of these friends I made in high school, such as Kate and Mary, two of the friends this story involves, but one, whose shall call Lauren, which this story now revolves around, I had had since kindergarten. We were the quintessential childhood friends. I was even her maid of honor in her wedding; we were that close. However, this story does not involve her wedding which was by and large lovely. This story takes place a few years after the fact.
Now, I know I am a people pleaser. Because of my nature, I look for the best in people almost to a fault. As such, I was bullied more than once growing up and while I stood up for myself when it was blatant, sometimes I wasn’t able to do so when it was the more insidious, backstabbing sort of bullying. I have also been bad with social cues my whole life (ADHD can do that) so I was often blindsided by backstabbing since I never even knew I had angered the person in question. Because of this, I used to encourage people to be brutally honest with me, and perhaps therein lies some fault of my own. In any case though, looking back, I realize now that while things hadn’t always been bad, at some point, my friends, specifically Lauren had stopped treating right. They were always sarcastic people and even proud of this fact, but sarcasm and being downright mean have a veeeeeery thin line between them. I cannot recount everything they said or did, but I can recount some. They yelled at me for silly jokes (I made a TAZ joke during a DND session Lauren was running and she about ripped my throat out), they would often ignore or give me silent treatments, and I was gaslit in the regular by Mary, especially.
I often left our hangouts feeling not so great about myself and eventually tried to bring up my hurt feelings a couple times. It did not go well, resulting in fights and threats to the friendship that would only calm when I apologized.
I should also take time to state that this group, specifically Lauren and an extended group of her friends that I was becoming acquainted with, would often find someone who did something “problematic” and would unceremoniously ostracize and cut them off, dubbing them as “toxic.” However, when this started I was so deep in, I didn’t question it, assuming I didn’t know the full situation. I, in passing, would worry it might happen to me eventually, but pushed away that fear, believing I was a good person and so were they, so that wouldnt come to pass. How wrong I was.
Anyways, to the day in question. I went into our shared Discord group, just to browse and chat since I had some extra time on my hands. Now, I want to preface this with the fact I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual, and I identify as a Christian in large part. I noticed that day, they put up a meme in the group chat insulting Christianity directly. I did not find it funny, but I kept my cool and messaged Kate, who originally posted it, that I was a Christian, and while she did not mean anything by it, I was sure, I wanted her to please take it down. Instead of apologizing, acquiescing, or anything like that, she mercilessly ripped into me, back up by all the others, except Lauren, who was offline the time. I immediately felt bad for rocking the boat, but luckily, my dear sister Mags was there and helped me stand my ground, checking my messages before I sent them, so as to make sure they were coherent and not too emotional (she did this with my blessing, just so everyone is aware).
After a while of Mary gaslighting me and Kate just being straight up mean, Kate comes out with “I can’t worry about what offends you. That’s not my problem.” I in turn tell her she is echoing the sentiments of the alt right, which in turn makes her demand an apology for calling her a N**i or she’ll block me. I never used that word, but I hold my ground and say “I can’t worry about what offends you. That’s not my problem.” Then summarily block her.
By now, I’m in tears, like uncontrollably sobbing. My sister comforts me and eventually I calm, though I am still horribly depressed. The drama has not yet abated though, for soon I realize that Lauren has deleted me from the DND group chat I shared with her, Kate and a few others. I message her right away and she states that I was mean to Kate and she thought it best that I was kicked out of the group. I ask her if this is her way of cutting ties with me and she says unless I apologize, then yes. I refuse to apologize and though I am horribly sad, we bid each other goodbye and I believed amicably part ways.
Cut to a couple days later. I noticed that on Facebook, mutual friends of Lauren’s and mine are unfreezing and even blocking me. I have no problem dea what is happening, but put two and two together and realize that Lauren must be talking s**t. I message a mutual friend and she confirms, saying she doesn’t want to associate with someone who could do that to Lauren. I have no idea what “that” is or how Lauren was even hurt by me since she had wanted to part ways, we did so supposedly amiably, and she hadn’t even been PRESENT during the initial argument. I am horrified and here’s where I might be the ahole. I went into panic mode and message every mutual friend of outlet, telling them not to believe her in an attempt to salvage these “friendships.” Instead of support, an onslaught of hatred and vile messages invaded my inbox, telling me just terrible things. I won’t recount them here, but I was bawling by the end and had to leave work early that day since I was in such a terrible mental state. Needless to say, I unfriended all and block most of our mutual friends-turned-flying monkeys.
That was largely the end of it. A few more messages passed between Lauren and me, consisting of me both apologizing for the knee jerk message, but also damning her. She called me abusive and said I was an awful friend. I eventually blocked her number.
It’s been a couple years but I am still hurting from this incident. I am on the mend, thanks to therapy, my remaining friends and loving family. I work everyday to leave it behind me, but I still have to wonder.. Am I the ahole?
submitted by Chika-chan44 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
So a bit of background. I had this friend group of a few women throughout my high school and college years and into my adult life. They were all like sisters to me and we got along well. Most of these friends I made in high school, such as Kate and Mary, two of the friends this story involves, but one, whose shall call Lauren, which this story now revolves around, I had had since kindergarten. We were the quintessential childhood friends. I was even her maid of honor in her wedding; we were that close. However, this story does not involve her wedding which was by and large lovely. This story takes place a few years after the fact.
Now, I know I am a people pleaser. Because of my nature, I look for the best in people almost to a fault. As such, I was bullied more than once growing up and while I stood up for myself when it was blatant, sometimes I wasn’t able to do so when it was the more insidious, backstabbing sort of bullying. I have also been bad with social cues my whole life (ADHD can do that) so I was often blindsided by backstabbing since I never even knew I had angered the person in question. Because of this, I used to encourage people to be brutally honest with me, and perhaps therein lies some fault of my own. In any case though, looking back, I realize now that while things hadn’t always been bad, at some point, my friends, specifically Lauren had stopped treating right. They were always sarcastic people and even proud of this fact, but sarcasm and being downright mean have a veeeeeery thin line between them. I cannot recount everything they said or did, but I can recount some. They yelled at me for silly jokes (I made a TAZ joke during a DND session Lauren was running and she about ripped my throat out), they would often ignore or give me silent treatments, and I was gaslit in the regular by Mary, especially.
I often left our hangouts feeling not so great about myself and eventually tried to bring up my hurt feelings a couple times. It did not go well, resulting in fights and threats to the friendship that would only calm when I apologized.
I should also take time to state that this group, specifically Lauren and an extended group of her friends that I was becoming acquainted with, would often find someone who did something “problematic” and would unceremoniously ostracize and cut them off, dubbing them as “toxic.” However, when this started I was so deep in, I didn’t question it, assuming I didn’t know the full situation. I, in passing, would worry it might happen to me eventually, but pushed away that fear, believing I was a good person and so were they, so that wouldnt come to pass. How wrong I was.
Anyways, to the day in question. I went into our shared Discord group, just to browse and chat since I had some extra time on my hands. Now, I want to preface this with the fact I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual, and I identify as a Christian in large part. I noticed that day, they put up a meme in the group chat insulting Christianity directly. I did not find it funny, but I kept my cool and messaged Kate, who originally posted it, that I was a Christian, and while she did not mean anything by it, I was sure, I wanted her to please take it down. Instead of apologizing, acquiescing, or anything like that, she mercilessly ripped into me, back up by all the others, except Lauren, who was offline the time. I immediately felt bad for rocking the boat, but luckily, my dear sister Mags was there and helped me stand my ground, checking my messages before I sent them, so as to make sure they were coherent and not too emotional (she did this with my blessing, just so everyone is aware).
After a while of Mary gaslighting me and Kate just being straight up mean, Kate comes out with “I can’t worry about what offends you. That’s not my problem.” I in turn tell her she is echoing the sentiments of the alt right, which in turn makes her demand an apology for calling her a N**i or she’ll block me. I never used that word, but I hold my ground and say “I can’t worry about what offends you. That’s not my problem.” Then summarily block her.
By now, I’m in tears, like uncontrollably sobbing. My sister comforts me and eventually I calm, though I am still horribly depressed. The drama has not yet abated though, for soon I realize that Lauren has deleted me from the DND group chat I shared with her, Kate and a few others. I message her right away and she states that I was mean to Kate and she thought it best that I was kicked out of the group. I ask her if this is her way of cutting ties with me and she says unless I apologize, then yes. I refuse to apologize and though I am horribly sad, we bid each other goodbye and I believed amicably part ways.
Cut to a couple days later. I noticed that on Facebook, mutual friends of Lauren’s and mine are unfreezing and even blocking me. I have no problem dea what is happening, but put two and two together and realize that Lauren must be talking s**t. I message a mutual friend and she confirms, saying she doesn’t want to associate with someone who could do that to Lauren. I have no idea what “that” is or how Lauren was even hurt by me since she had wanted to part ways, we did so supposedly amiably, and she hadn’t even been PRESENT during the initial argument. I am horrified and here’s where I might be the ahole. I went into panic mode and message every mutual friend of outlet, telling them not to believe her in an attempt to salvage these “friendships.” Instead of support, an onslaught of hatred and vile messages invaded my inbox, telling me just terrible things. I won’t recount them here, but I was bawling by the end and had to leave work early that day since I was in such a terrible mental state. Needless to say, I unfriended all and block most of our mutual friends-turned-flying monkeys.
That was largely the end of it. A few more messages passed between Lauren and me, consisting of me both apologizing for the knee jerk message, but also damning her. She called me abusive and said I was an awful friend. I eventually blocked her number.
It’s been a couple years but I am still hurting from this incident. I am on the mend, thanks to therapy, my remaining friends and loving family. I work everyday to leave it behind me, but I still have to wonder.. Am I the ahole?
2024.05.13 22:07 Ur_Anemone “Women aren’t tired of making the first move, they’re tired of dating apps”
 | If you’re feeling disheartened by dating apps in 2024, you’re not the only one. There’s been a steady decline in downloads since their peak in the pandemic, encouraging a multi-billion-dollar industry – including favourites such as Bumble, Tinder and Hinge – to overhaul its apps to make people fall in love with using them again… submitted by Ur_Anemone to afterAWDTSG [link] [comments] Dating and relationship expert and coach Sarah Louise Ryan says she has heard about this fatigue from clients. “There seems to be a paradox of choice at the moment for singles on dating apps. What that means is that there are so many singles and they don’t know who to choose to invest their time, energy and emotion into, so they get burnout. “It’s not technology; it is the culture of dating and the mindset daters are creating across the board.” Pew Research Center also found that individuals find dating more difficult following the Covid-19 pandemic, as we feel more disconnected than ever and struggle with the mental health impact of online dating. It appears that we’ve lost faith in dating apps to do what they’re designed to do: land us dates. As a result, women are quietly quitting them altogether. Alison says: “I find the whole ‘marketplace’ feel of apps to be degrading. Something about creating a performative profile to entice a man who’s probably swiping while on the loo feels off. I don’t like the way it makes me feel judgmental about men’s height, jobs, outfits, etc. “I also strongly believe that the apps are populated by men (maybe women, too, but I’m speaking from personal, heteronormative experience) who are interested in dating but not in finding a meaningful relationship.” She adds: “There seems to be a persistent disconnect between what men and women are seeking from the apps, and it’s wreaking havoc on so many women’s sense of self.” Ryan continues: “The feeling of tiredness when it comes to dating stems from single people’s fears of missing out on deeper connections and a fear of rejection if they do feel a deep connection. And so, singles sometimes keep themselves single thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the next swipe.” This swipe nature of keeping our options open is ultimately changing the culture of the apps, and leaving women feeling worse. Alison suggests that our experience on the apps is only as good or bad as the people using them, with some users cancelling a date at the last minute or cruelly cutting things off with little regard for the person at the other end of the screen. She adds: “I think a reminder of basic manners is required, along with a deeper look at motivations, because I can’t bear to hear another wonderful friend feel cruelly discarded by a man she met on the apps who isn’t over his ex/doesn’t feel the ‘spark’ after coming on incredibly strongly.”… Watson reflects: “Rationally, [dating apps] are a great way of widening your dating pool or making new connections – platonic or romantic. “But I think the culture of the apps has to change. There are a lot of people offering the bare minimum of interaction, not being transparent or potentially misleading people about what they’re after, which just leaves you feeling like you’re being messed around.” |
2024.05.13 22:06 Intelligent-Class154 My toxic relationship ended and I have no one to vent to
I just wanted to preface this by saying my relationship was great at first. We got along great, he treated me like a princess, made me feel loved, beautiful and like a priority everyday.
Then, he started to have a really rushed routine, we almost never had time for ourselves and he was always tired. He stopped doing cute things, and going out with me started to be more like a chore than a pleasure for him, while he would hang out with friends as usual. I, however, was still doting on him as always. I cooked, washed the dishes, served him, supported him how he liked to be supported and cheered him on everyday. But with time, he expected more, and those things became the bare minimum. One day, I found messages where he would share explicit details of our sex life with his friends (specifically his girl best friend), and specifically MY intimate details. He also mentioned his desire to have sex with other women. Somehow he convinced me this wasn't as big of a deal I was making it out to be and that he didn't feel like that anymore.
This weekend was when it ended. He had an interview at night on Thursday, and I worked my hardest to help him have a good day. I sent him some cookies he liked, left him alone to concentrate and only talked to him when he talked to me. 1 hour before his interview, he started a fight regarding how much time I spent on tiktok on my *free, alone, time*, he thought I should do more productive things. Mind you, I am 24, have a degree, a good job, live by myself, am debt free, clean my own stuff and support myself and 2 cats financially. He is older, but doesn't have the same stability. I defended myself, and when I let him win he still treated me badly, so I asked him to stop, this lasted until 5 minutes before his interview. He didn't do well and blames me for it.
At the same time, I was struggling with my health and was taken into the hospital in urgent care a little while later. I had an extremely high fever for 3 days straight, tachycardia, low blood pressure, it was BAD. He knew I was sick when we had that fight, and when he found out my condition worsened, he didn't really care. I agreed to a calm conversation to sort things out, but he continued to blame me for everything that happened and proceeded to tell me about how unreliable and selfish I was. That was when we broke up. I was tired of being put down and undervalued, and he wasn't happy with the way I react to how he treats me.
Just needed to get it off my chest, as I was feeling guilty because he convinced me I was too sensitive, childish, and crazy, even when I know it isn't true, as he denied saying these things even though I had receipts lol
submitted by Intelligent-Class154 to offmychest [link] [comments]
Then, he started to have a really rushed routine, we almost never had time for ourselves and he was always tired. He stopped doing cute things, and going out with me started to be more like a chore than a pleasure for him, while he would hang out with friends as usual. I, however, was still doting on him as always. I cooked, washed the dishes, served him, supported him how he liked to be supported and cheered him on everyday. But with time, he expected more, and those things became the bare minimum. One day, I found messages where he would share explicit details of our sex life with his friends (specifically his girl best friend), and specifically MY intimate details. He also mentioned his desire to have sex with other women. Somehow he convinced me this wasn't as big of a deal I was making it out to be and that he didn't feel like that anymore.
This weekend was when it ended. He had an interview at night on Thursday, and I worked my hardest to help him have a good day. I sent him some cookies he liked, left him alone to concentrate and only talked to him when he talked to me. 1 hour before his interview, he started a fight regarding how much time I spent on tiktok on my *free, alone, time*, he thought I should do more productive things. Mind you, I am 24, have a degree, a good job, live by myself, am debt free, clean my own stuff and support myself and 2 cats financially. He is older, but doesn't have the same stability. I defended myself, and when I let him win he still treated me badly, so I asked him to stop, this lasted until 5 minutes before his interview. He didn't do well and blames me for it.
At the same time, I was struggling with my health and was taken into the hospital in urgent care a little while later. I had an extremely high fever for 3 days straight, tachycardia, low blood pressure, it was BAD. He knew I was sick when we had that fight, and when he found out my condition worsened, he didn't really care. I agreed to a calm conversation to sort things out, but he continued to blame me for everything that happened and proceeded to tell me about how unreliable and selfish I was. That was when we broke up. I was tired of being put down and undervalued, and he wasn't happy with the way I react to how he treats me.
Just needed to get it off my chest, as I was feeling guilty because he convinced me I was too sensitive, childish, and crazy, even when I know it isn't true, as he denied saying these things even though I had receipts lol
2024.05.13 22:00 DiscoverDurham Things to do in Durham this week!
If you’d like to add an event to our calendar, submit an event here. Please check with the event organizers to see if events change due to weather. Have a great week!
See the full weekly calendar on our website.
Board Game Night at The Glass Jug in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Arts & Drafts at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Disc Golf Putting League at The Glass Jug in RTP
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Boxyard Run Club at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
In Other Words at Arcana
Duke Baseball vs College of Charleston at Jack Coombs Field
Bring Your Own Vinyl with Jaffar at Rubies on Five Points
Women on the Wall at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
6:30 p.m.
Trivia at Durham Food Hall
Pony Ride at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Trivia at Beer Study Durham
Not Rocket Science Trivia at DSSOLVR Durham
Tuesday Blues Jam at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Comedy Night at Bull City Ciderworks
Jeremy 'Bean' Clemons Trio at Kingfisher
Enter Shikari at Motorco Music Hall
Vision Video + Tears For The Dying at The Pinhook
Senior Short Game Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
10:30 a.m.
Storytime on the Roof with Durham County Library at The Durham Hotel
12 p.m.
Adult Recess at CCB Plaza
3 p.m.
Durham Farmers’ Market at Durham Central Park
4 p.m.
Whiskey Wednesdays at Alley Twenty Six
5 p.m.
Free Wednesday Wine Tasting at Beer Study Durham
5:30 p.m.
Ride of Silence at CCB Plaza
6 p.m.
Queer Craft Night and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Bimbe Community Block Party at Holton Career & Resource Center
Come Take a Flight With Us: A Bright Black Workshop at Proximity Brewing Company
Free RTP Business Rockstar Connect Networking Event at Sheraton Imperial Hotel
Sweet Social: Auntie's African Ice Cream at The Durham Hotel
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Pickle at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
7 p.m.
Bottle Swap: Homebrew Club at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company
Skip The Small Talk: Speed Friending Event at Fullsteam Brewery
Hammered Trivia at Hi-Wire Brewing
Karaoke Night at Mavericks Smokehouse
Music Bingo at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
3rd Wednesday Jazz Jam Session at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
Brett Chambers Open Mic at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Air Hockey Tournament at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia Night at Bull McCabe's
Karaoke at Moon Dog Meadery
The Weeks at Motorco Music Hall
Blends With Friends at The Pinhook
Harnessing the Power of AI to Ensure Equitable HR Practices at RTI Holden Building
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
12:15 p.m.
Midday Meander: A Strolling Conversation at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
3 p.m.
Guided Museum Tour at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
5 p.m.
Thirsty Thursdays at Dashi
Righteous Roots Reggae Show at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
Walking Club with Bull City Strollers at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
6 p.m.
Queer Trivia at Arcana
Vinyl Night with DJ Deckades at Gizmo Brew Works
6:15 p.m.
Pony Run at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
6:30 p.m.
AfterHours: Science of Beer at Museum of Life and Science
Line Dance Classes at Mystic Farm and Distillery
Space Code Youth Open Mic at NorthStar Church of the Arts
Boulders & Brews Meetup at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
7 p.m.
Trivia Night at Beer Tooth Taproom
Bimbé Cypher at CCB Plaza
Bring Your Own Vinyl Night at Congress Social Bar
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Summer Jazz Jam (Curated by Al Strong) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Al Strong Presents Jazz on the Roof at The Durham Hotel
7:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Big Slow Tom at Clouds Brewing Brightleaf Square
Reverend Billy C. Wirtz / Armand Lenchek & Carter Minor at The Blue Note Grill
Pillow Talk: Speed Dating and Conversations About Sex / Sexuality at The Pinhook
8 p.m.
Weekly Single Mingle at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia at Fullsteam Brewery
Danny Lopriore at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
DJ Halo Presents: No Requests at Rubies on Five Points
9:30 p.m.
Karaoke Night at The Tavern
Tasting at Ten at Counter Culture Coffee
12 p.m.
Co-Working Social at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
4 p.m.
Late Spring Tree Ramble at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
5 p.m.
Guided Museum Tours at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
Food Truck Friday at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
LOJO: Log Off, Jam On at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
Aly J & Kevin Clark and Tarot with Kathleen at Arcana
Third Friday Art Walk at Downtown Durham
Friday Night Makes at Durham Arts Council
May Third Friday at Durham Arts Council
Counterpoints Exhibition Reception at Durham Bottling Co.
Third Friday at Golden Belt Arts
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Screenprint Roundup at The Fruit
The Patio Dance Parties : Clueless Fridays at Unscripted Durham
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
Live Vinyl Spinning by PhDJ at Beer Study Durham
Early Show: John Howie Jr. / Ramona and The Holy Smokes at The Pinhook
7:30 p.m.
Evening Eno Exploration Paddle at Eno River
Evan Ringel & Ariel Pocock at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Pass the Aux at Boricua Soul
Stereo Reveries at DSSOLVR Durham
Karaoke! at Fullsteam Brewery
Cheekface at Motorco Music Hall
Dance Blues Friday at Studio 5
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
The Floor: Special Guest THEYDYLIKE at Rubies on Five Points
Lookin For A Cure at Bull City Running Company-South
8 a.m.
Durham Farmers' Market at Durham Central Park
parkrun Durham at Southern Boundaries Park
9 a.m.
South Durham Farmers' Market at Greenwood Commons Shopping Center
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
10 a.m.
Pop Up Record Show at Beer Durham
Durham's Home Goods Market at Black Wall St Gardens
Bear Awareness Week at Museum of Life and Science
10:30 a.m.
Mother's Day Brunch at The Durham Hotel
11 a.m.
Battle of the Blades 2024 at Historic Durham Athletic Park
12 p.m.
Springtime Outdoor Market at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Crafternoons at Gizmo Brew Works
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
1 p.m.
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Say It With Glass Workshop - Sam Nguyen at Moon Dog Meadery
Bimbé Celebration at Rock Quarry Park
2 p.m.
Closing Reception — Dan Gottlieb: Figure Ground at Craven Allen Gallery
Durham "Bullpen" Treasure Hunt - Walking Team Scavenger Hunt! at Fullsteam Brewery
3 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Family Fun Saturday: May Flowers at Guglhupf Restaurant
5 p.m.
Rooftops and Alleyways Community Canvas Wall Brawl at Dashi
Durham Blues & Brews Festival at Durham Central Park
Hops & Blues at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
6 p.m.
The Moon Unit and Tarot with Emily at Arcana
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Crones of Anarchy: Blues, Rock, Americana at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
7:30 p.m.
Jim Ketch Swingtet at Sharp 9 Gallery
Big Birthday Dance Party: Combo Platter with 2 Sides at The Blue Note Grill
8:15 p.m.
BBYMUTHA: Sleep Paralysis Tour 2024 at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
Fortune Factory Presents: Taurus Dance Party at Rubies on Five Points
Jazz Brunch at Lula & Sadie's
10:30 a.m.
Al Strong Presents Jazz Brunch at Alley Twenty Six
12 p.m.
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
Sunday Dollar Bin Sale for Charity at Rumors Durham
Supernatural Sunday - Psychic Affair + Healers Market at Weldon Mills Distillery
Farmers Market at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery
12:15 p.m.
Public Tour at Duke Chapel
2 p.m.
Hillandale Golf Beginner Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
3:30 p.m.
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Showings at Scripps: Miguel Gutierrez at ADF's Samuel H. Scripps Studios
Carmina Burana at Baldwin Auditorium
Día de las Madres Kermes at El Futuro’s Therapeutic Green Space
String Break at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Emma Jane's EP Release Show and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Open Mic Night at Moon Dog Meadery
7 p.m.
DPW Limit Break at Durham Convention Center
submitted by DiscoverDurham to bullcity [link] [comments]
See the full weekly calendar on our website.
Noteworthy Events
The Lion King at DPAC- Winner of six Tony Awards®, including Best Musical, this landmark musical event brings together one of the most imaginative creative teams on Broadway.
- Wed, May 15 - Sun, June 9
- $29.50+
- Let your inner child shine as you play games, make crafts, and enjoy the fresh air during your lunch break!
- Wed, May 15
- 12-2 p.m.
- Free admission
- Thu, May 16 - Sat, May 18
- This family-oriented event is a celebration of African and African American history, culture, arts, and traditions. This year's headliner: Monica!
- Sat, May 18
- 1-7 p.m.
- Free admission
- This adventure begins at the London home of the Darling family, a typical evening in 1912, as the weary parents try to settle their children down for bed while the young ones insist on staying up late. Little do Wendy, John, and Michael know that a fantastic journey awaits them that night.
- Sat, May 18
- 3 p.m. and 6 p.m.
- $32+
- Wrestlers from all over the world will gather in one place for a night you won't forget.
- Sun, May 19
- 7 p.m.
- $25+
Multi-Day Events
The NGIN Cityscapes Summit at Durham Convention Center- Hosted by national nonprofit, New Growth Innovation Network, prepare to connect with like-minded professionals and engage with purpose-driven organizations. Immerse yourself in workshops and captivating keynotes from renowned speakers, featuring three tracks of insightful sessions: Inclusive Capital, Community Wealth Building, and Reimagining Systems.
- Wed, May 15 - Fri, May 17
- Registration fees vary
- Enjoy fabulous Greek food, desserts, wine and beer in a festive outdoor atmosphere. Continuous Greek music and scheduled folk dance performances.
- Sat, May 18, 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. and Sun, May 19, 11 a.m. - 7 p.m.
- Free admission
- Enjoy a look inside the historic McCown-Mangum House, Photography Museum, and Mill.
- Sat, May 18 and Sun, May 19
- 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.
- Free admission
- Libeled Lady
- Dirty Harry & Assault on Precinct 13
- Cat City
- Back to Black
- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
- UHF
Monday, May 13
2 p.m.Board Game Night at The Glass Jug in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Arts & Drafts at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Disc Golf Putting League at The Glass Jug in RTP
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Tuesday, May 14
Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company- 12-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
- 7-9 p.m. - Bull City Beer Runners Run Club
- 7-8 p.m. - Puzzled Pints Game Night
- 5:45-6:30 p.m. - Community Zumba Classes
- 6-8 p.m. - Music Bingo
- 6-8 p.m. - The Glass Jog Run Club
- 6-9 p.m. - Stitch & Sip
Boxyard Run Club at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
In Other Words at Arcana
Duke Baseball vs College of Charleston at Jack Coombs Field
Bring Your Own Vinyl with Jaffar at Rubies on Five Points
Women on the Wall at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
6:30 p.m.
Trivia at Durham Food Hall
Pony Ride at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Trivia at Beer Study Durham
Not Rocket Science Trivia at DSSOLVR Durham
Tuesday Blues Jam at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Comedy Night at Bull City Ciderworks
Jeremy 'Bean' Clemons Trio at Kingfisher
Enter Shikari at Motorco Music Hall
Vision Video + Tears For The Dying at The Pinhook
Wednesday, May 15
Events at Atomic Empire- 6:30 p.m. - Dragon Ball Fusion World Release Event
- 7 p.m. - Flesh and Blood Armory Event
- 12-2 p.m. - Hear & There: Daniel Delorenzo
- 5:30-8:30 p.m. - Game Night
- 7-8 p.m. - Signature Wine Tasting
- 7-8:30 p.m. - Laughs Comedy Night
Senior Short Game Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
10:30 a.m.
Storytime on the Roof with Durham County Library at The Durham Hotel
12 p.m.
Adult Recess at CCB Plaza
3 p.m.
Durham Farmers’ Market at Durham Central Park
4 p.m.
Whiskey Wednesdays at Alley Twenty Six
5 p.m.
Free Wednesday Wine Tasting at Beer Study Durham
5:30 p.m.
Ride of Silence at CCB Plaza
6 p.m.
Queer Craft Night and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Bimbe Community Block Party at Holton Career & Resource Center
Come Take a Flight With Us: A Bright Black Workshop at Proximity Brewing Company
Free RTP Business Rockstar Connect Networking Event at Sheraton Imperial Hotel
Sweet Social: Auntie's African Ice Cream at The Durham Hotel
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Pickle at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
7 p.m.
Bottle Swap: Homebrew Club at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company
Skip The Small Talk: Speed Friending Event at Fullsteam Brewery
Hammered Trivia at Hi-Wire Brewing
Karaoke Night at Mavericks Smokehouse
Music Bingo at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
3rd Wednesday Jazz Jam Session at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
Brett Chambers Open Mic at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Air Hockey Tournament at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia Night at Bull McCabe's
Karaoke at Moon Dog Meadery
The Weeks at Motorco Music Hall
Blends With Friends at The Pinhook
Thursday, May 16
Events at Boxyard RTP- 7:30-8 a.m. - Bike Durham: Bike to Work
- 12-2 p.m. - Taking Back Thursday: Sheila Casalett
- 12-8 p.m. -Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
- 7-9 p.m. - Thursday Trivia with Nick
Harnessing the Power of AI to Ensure Equitable HR Practices at RTI Holden Building
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
12:15 p.m.
Midday Meander: A Strolling Conversation at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
3 p.m.
Guided Museum Tour at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
5 p.m.
Thirsty Thursdays at Dashi
Righteous Roots Reggae Show at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
Walking Club with Bull City Strollers at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
6 p.m.
Queer Trivia at Arcana
Vinyl Night with DJ Deckades at Gizmo Brew Works
6:15 p.m.
Pony Run at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
6:30 p.m.
AfterHours: Science of Beer at Museum of Life and Science
Line Dance Classes at Mystic Farm and Distillery
Space Code Youth Open Mic at NorthStar Church of the Arts
Boulders & Brews Meetup at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
7 p.m.
Trivia Night at Beer Tooth Taproom
Bimbé Cypher at CCB Plaza
Bring Your Own Vinyl Night at Congress Social Bar
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Summer Jazz Jam (Curated by Al Strong) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Al Strong Presents Jazz on the Roof at The Durham Hotel
7:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Big Slow Tom at Clouds Brewing Brightleaf Square
Reverend Billy C. Wirtz / Armand Lenchek & Carter Minor at The Blue Note Grill
Pillow Talk: Speed Dating and Conversations About Sex / Sexuality at The Pinhook
8 p.m.
Weekly Single Mingle at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia at Fullsteam Brewery
Danny Lopriore at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
DJ Halo Presents: No Requests at Rubies on Five Points
9:30 p.m.
Karaoke Night at The Tavern
Friday, May 17
Events at Atomic Empire- 6:30 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
- 6:30 p.m. - Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate Draft
- 5-9 p.m. - Food Truck: La Republica Taco Truck
- 8-11 p.m. - Open Mic Stand-up Comedy
- 7:30-9 p.m. - Wit: An Improv Comedy Game Show
- 9-10 p.m. - Hush Hush
- 6:45 p.m. - Lindy Hop Lesson + Dance
- 7:30 p.m. - Djam
- 9:30 p.m. - Bachata Dance Night
- 6-8 p.m. - The Duke Street Dogs
- 9:15 p.m. - The Beautiful People Club
Tasting at Ten at Counter Culture Coffee
12 p.m.
Co-Working Social at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
4 p.m.
Late Spring Tree Ramble at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
5 p.m.
Guided Museum Tours at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
Food Truck Friday at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
LOJO: Log Off, Jam On at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
Aly J & Kevin Clark and Tarot with Kathleen at Arcana
Third Friday Art Walk at Downtown Durham
Friday Night Makes at Durham Arts Council
May Third Friday at Durham Arts Council
Counterpoints Exhibition Reception at Durham Bottling Co.
Third Friday at Golden Belt Arts
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Screenprint Roundup at The Fruit
The Patio Dance Parties : Clueless Fridays at Unscripted Durham
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
Live Vinyl Spinning by PhDJ at Beer Study Durham
Early Show: John Howie Jr. / Ramona and The Holy Smokes at The Pinhook
7:30 p.m.
Evening Eno Exploration Paddle at Eno River
Evan Ringel & Ariel Pocock at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Pass the Aux at Boricua Soul
Stereo Reveries at DSSOLVR Durham
Karaoke! at Fullsteam Brewery
Cheekface at Motorco Music Hall
Dance Blues Friday at Studio 5
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
The Floor: Special Guest THEYDYLIKE at Rubies on Five Points
Saturday, May 18
Events at Atomic Empire- 11 a.m. - Pokémon TCG: League Cup
- 1 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
- 2 p.m. - Game Designers of North Carolina Meetup
- 11:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. - Saturdaze: DJ k.ward
- 1-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Death By Taco
- 3-7 p.m. - 3rd Saturday Vintage + Maker Market
- 5-9 p.m. - Home Brewed: CNOTE Art Spectacular
- Every Saturday, 10-10:30 a.m. and 11-11:30 a.m.
- 7:30-8:30 p.m. - House Party
- 8:30-9:30 p.m. - Harold Night
- 9:30-10:30 p.m. - Mint Condition Standup Showcase
- 5-8 p.m. - Menace To Society Album Listening Party
- 7:30-10 p.m. - HUMP! Film Festival
- 10 p.m. - 2 a.m. - Puro Perreo Pari
- 7:30 p.m. - Boogie Burly Nights... A Groovy 70s Show
- 10:30 p.m. - Drake and Friends 2
- 2 p.m. - Downtown Durham Walking Tour
- 4 p.m. - Durham African American History Tour
- 6 p.m. - Downtown Durham True Crime Tour
Lookin For A Cure at Bull City Running Company-South
8 a.m.
Durham Farmers' Market at Durham Central Park
parkrun Durham at Southern Boundaries Park
9 a.m.
South Durham Farmers' Market at Greenwood Commons Shopping Center
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
10 a.m.
Pop Up Record Show at Beer Durham
Durham's Home Goods Market at Black Wall St Gardens
Bear Awareness Week at Museum of Life and Science
10:30 a.m.
Mother's Day Brunch at The Durham Hotel
11 a.m.
Battle of the Blades 2024 at Historic Durham Athletic Park
12 p.m.
Springtime Outdoor Market at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Crafternoons at Gizmo Brew Works
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
1 p.m.
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Say It With Glass Workshop - Sam Nguyen at Moon Dog Meadery
Bimbé Celebration at Rock Quarry Park
2 p.m.
Closing Reception — Dan Gottlieb: Figure Ground at Craven Allen Gallery
Durham "Bullpen" Treasure Hunt - Walking Team Scavenger Hunt! at Fullsteam Brewery
3 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Family Fun Saturday: May Flowers at Guglhupf Restaurant
5 p.m.
Rooftops and Alleyways Community Canvas Wall Brawl at Dashi
Durham Blues & Brews Festival at Durham Central Park
Hops & Blues at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
6 p.m.
The Moon Unit and Tarot with Emily at Arcana
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Crones of Anarchy: Blues, Rock, Americana at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
7:30 p.m.
Jim Ketch Swingtet at Sharp 9 Gallery
Big Birthday Dance Party: Combo Platter with 2 Sides at The Blue Note Grill
8:15 p.m.
BBYMUTHA: Sleep Paralysis Tour 2024 at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
Fortune Factory Presents: Taurus Dance Party at Rubies on Five Points
Sunday, May 19
Events at Atomic Empire- 11:30 a.m. - Star Wars: Shatterpoint Tournament
- 12 p.m. - Battletech Campaign Day
- 1 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
- 2-4 p.m. - Hammered Trivia with Casey
- 4-8 p.m. - The Blood Connection Blood Drive
Jazz Brunch at Lula & Sadie's
10:30 a.m.
Al Strong Presents Jazz Brunch at Alley Twenty Six
12 p.m.
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
Sunday Dollar Bin Sale for Charity at Rumors Durham
Supernatural Sunday - Psychic Affair + Healers Market at Weldon Mills Distillery
Farmers Market at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery
12:15 p.m.
Public Tour at Duke Chapel
2 p.m.
Hillandale Golf Beginner Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
3:30 p.m.
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Showings at Scripps: Miguel Gutierrez at ADF's Samuel H. Scripps Studios
Carmina Burana at Baldwin Auditorium
Día de las Madres Kermes at El Futuro’s Therapeutic Green Space
String Break at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Emma Jane's EP Release Show and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Open Mic Night at Moon Dog Meadery
7 p.m.
DPW Limit Break at Durham Convention Center
Running Art Exhibit
Hometown (Inherited): Ten Year Retrospective at The Fruit- This project examines the changing landscape of our city through a series of forty mixed media pieces the artist has created since 2014.
- Third Friday openings on Apr 19 and May 17, 6-9 p.m.
- Drop-in by appointment and Wednesdays 4-7 p.m.
- Free admission
- Each piece begins as a photograph, which is then printed on acrylic and worked with a variety of paints and compounds to create a unique surface.
- Sat, May 4 - Sat, May 18
- Free admission
- Sacred Geometry is an ancient field of physics whose equations are expressed through shape. Shape is a way to explore the universal fabric of our existence.
- Sat, May 4 - Sat, June 1
- Free admission
- It Ain’t All Black and White is a photography exhibition that encourages us to consider emotions such as serenity, apprehension, yearning, and more.
- Captured by 11 dynamic photographers dedicated to documenting the fullness and complexity of Black life, this exhibition offers each of us an opportunity to see ourselves with renewed attention.
- Thu, Apr 25 - Sun, June 2
- María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold is a monographic exhibition of a visionary voice in photography, immersive installation, painting and performance.
- Thu, Feb 15 - Sun, Jun 9
- Every week, Tue-Sat 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sun 12-5 p.m.
- Free admission
- Counterpoints is a curated showcase of local AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) artists, delving into the convergence of AAPI identity and mental health. Inspired by the intricate layers of musical counterpoint, its purpose is to weave together diverse narratives and confront the stigma surrounding mental health within our communities.
- Wed, May 1 - Sun, June 16
- Mon - Fri, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.
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2024.05.13 21:42 Rune_Skadisdotter Nightmares and negative thoughts about being unable to have my own (biologocal) children
Mental health + potential trigger warning (fertility/miscarriage)
I was diagnosed with PCOS at around 13 years old. More than half of my life, I knew I would probably struggle to conceive. In my mid 20s, I had to have an ovary removed. So... there ½ of my whatever eggs I had disappeared. During this time, we also started on gynaecological cancer prevention. At my last gynie appointment, my doctor saw something on my other ovary that she wasn't 100% happy about. I'm back to 6-month check-ups; I'll be seeing my gynie in about a month.
I'm struggling with hypothyroidism and diabetes/insulin resistance. My one female GP is at least treating me with my PCOS in mind. I'm getting so tired of all the tablets... but as I age, it gets more and more. I'm not even going to get into the exercise side of things because as fellow PCOS girlies, you get it.
Now... about the mental health... it's been a bad two-ish months. And I horrible laat week and a bit.
I've never wanted to have children of my own. From a young age, it never bothered me. Going into my 20s, it also never bothered me. The idea of be being pregnant always grossed me out - never minded other women being pregnant, just the thought of me growing a human inside of me was icky. I have always concentrated on my academics and work. But, one of the biggest influences was that (and still is), is that I don't think I would make a good mom. I accepted that. I don't have pressure of a partner wanting biological children with me. I don't even have a partner (which is a whole other emotional toll when all my friends are engaged or married). I don't have that want... that desire... to have children.
I've started having nightmares about not being able to conceive, or if I do, it'll all end in miscarriages. I don't know why those thoughts are haunting my unconscious (and now conscious) mind. Often I can't sleep (my insomniahas become worse. I'm kept awake by a hurricane of thoughts. I have sudden bursts of extreme anxiety and fear. Heart pulsations. I have vivid nightmares of negative pregnancy tests, or losing a child in a miscarriage, staring up at a hospital roof while my partner sleeps in a chair next to me, and such. I'm not an extreme emotions person usually, but this past week my emotions have been everywhere. At 03:30 I was sitting on the bedroom floor, clutching a pillow, and crying at the thought of not being able to have children. Last last three-ish days, the teats randomly fall. I'm exhausted.
Is this the "I can feel my biological clock ticking" feeling? I don't lo9k at babies and children and gawk and "Awwwwww, I want one!" I don't feel I want that though? Nothing in my brain or 'heart' is saying, "You must have one of your own." I looove my friends' children, but I'm so happy when we finally past ways and I can breathe!
I guess... having the choice of having children being potentially taken away is a huge factor?
Did/Do these thoughts also plague you? What did you do to cope and come to terms with these thoughts and feelings? I'm assuming there will be, but what about you ladies who didn't/don't want children... were you also haunted by these weird feelings? What helped you?
submitted by Rune_Skadisdotter to PCOS [link] [comments]
I was diagnosed with PCOS at around 13 years old. More than half of my life, I knew I would probably struggle to conceive. In my mid 20s, I had to have an ovary removed. So... there ½ of my whatever eggs I had disappeared. During this time, we also started on gynaecological cancer prevention. At my last gynie appointment, my doctor saw something on my other ovary that she wasn't 100% happy about. I'm back to 6-month check-ups; I'll be seeing my gynie in about a month.
I'm struggling with hypothyroidism and diabetes/insulin resistance. My one female GP is at least treating me with my PCOS in mind. I'm getting so tired of all the tablets... but as I age, it gets more and more. I'm not even going to get into the exercise side of things because as fellow PCOS girlies, you get it.
Now... about the mental health... it's been a bad two-ish months. And I horrible laat week and a bit.
I've never wanted to have children of my own. From a young age, it never bothered me. Going into my 20s, it also never bothered me. The idea of be being pregnant always grossed me out - never minded other women being pregnant, just the thought of me growing a human inside of me was icky. I have always concentrated on my academics and work. But, one of the biggest influences was that (and still is), is that I don't think I would make a good mom. I accepted that. I don't have pressure of a partner wanting biological children with me. I don't even have a partner (which is a whole other emotional toll when all my friends are engaged or married). I don't have that want... that desire... to have children.
I've started having nightmares about not being able to conceive, or if I do, it'll all end in miscarriages. I don't know why those thoughts are haunting my unconscious (and now conscious) mind. Often I can't sleep (my insomniahas become worse. I'm kept awake by a hurricane of thoughts. I have sudden bursts of extreme anxiety and fear. Heart pulsations. I have vivid nightmares of negative pregnancy tests, or losing a child in a miscarriage, staring up at a hospital roof while my partner sleeps in a chair next to me, and such. I'm not an extreme emotions person usually, but this past week my emotions have been everywhere. At 03:30 I was sitting on the bedroom floor, clutching a pillow, and crying at the thought of not being able to have children. Last last three-ish days, the teats randomly fall. I'm exhausted.
Is this the "I can feel my biological clock ticking" feeling? I don't lo9k at babies and children and gawk and "Awwwwww, I want one!" I don't feel I want that though? Nothing in my brain or 'heart' is saying, "You must have one of your own." I looove my friends' children, but I'm so happy when we finally past ways and I can breathe!
I guess... having the choice of having children being potentially taken away is a huge factor?
Did/Do these thoughts also plague you? What did you do to cope and come to terms with these thoughts and feelings? I'm assuming there will be, but what about you ladies who didn't/don't want children... were you also haunted by these weird feelings? What helped you?
2024.05.13 21:40 jjanska From getting married to moving out and dividing our assets.
I feel like I need to just vent and let everything out, so here goes. This is gonna be long and a lot of yapping, I’m a mess while writing this. This doesn’t even contain everything that has happened.
I matched on Tinder with a cute guy in 2014 and we both made clear that we didn’t want anything else than friendship. But in a month, we were falling for each other. Early 2015, he told me he loves me, but he acknowledged my fear of love so I wouldn’t have to say it back. I kinda freaked out and dipped out, but we kept texting every month, especially when drunk, we told each other how much we like each other.
2016 we became official after playing around. It was heaven on earth for me then and I loved the man with my whole heart. I went out of my way for him. He was my first everything.
Few months into our relationship, we were at a festival with another couple who were our friends, and we 4 slept in a campervan. He wanted to have sex, I didn’t and I told him no few times. He ended up rubbing himself between my thighs while I laid there frozen and hurt. I pushed the whole thing away from my mind. Another 6 months in, we were drinking in his hometown with his friends. He got too drunk and ended up grabbing me from my collar and pushing me aggressively against a wall and yelled at me. He ran away and I was alone in his hometown while he didn’t answer. Well I found him and we went to his mother’s house to sleep, where he cried to me that I shouldn’t be with him that he’s a bad man. Another year in, one of his best friends hated me and trash talked me to their friend group and it was literally hell on earth, and he just let it happen, without setting things straight or defending me. And at the same time, we listened to one podcast where a couple had downloaded their tinders back and watched their old matches and convos to laugh at them lightheartedly. Well, we did just that but what I found out was that he had had tinder while we were officially together and talked to other women. He ended up deleting everything before he could show me them and saying it wasn’t him, that his single friends used his phone and pictures for tinder, but I could tell that it was him from the messages I had time to see.
The last 4 years have been sexless, and I have suffered with that a lot. There’s no kisses, no holding hands, no I love you’s, nothing. We have basically been friends for the last 4 years except when he’s drunk and wants to rub his D against me and cum.
Well now, we broke up a month ago, after being 8 years officially together and a decade of us being engaged with one another. Everything we own shared, our car, cats, furniture, EVERYTHING.
I’m just so broken, sad, finished and tired. I love him, but I don’t, I hate him, but I don’t. I have fought for this relationship for years alone, and it ended up breaking me. I have been unmotivated to finish my bachelor degree, I just stay home and don’t want to see anyone and I escape reality with music and stories. I read and use AI to live my hopeless romantic dreams, I dream about a life, but I’m scared I won’t ever get it because I lost myself in this relationship. I lost my mental health and my body. I have gained 30kg since we started dating, he loves ordering in and eating chips and all that shit, I had never even taken food home before I met him.
I’m looooost and I don’t know what to do, how to pull myself together and go live my life while going through this breakup, he and his family were my life and now I’m going to move out to live alone for the first time ever with two cats we got together.
submitted by jjanska to BreakUps [link] [comments]
I matched on Tinder with a cute guy in 2014 and we both made clear that we didn’t want anything else than friendship. But in a month, we were falling for each other. Early 2015, he told me he loves me, but he acknowledged my fear of love so I wouldn’t have to say it back. I kinda freaked out and dipped out, but we kept texting every month, especially when drunk, we told each other how much we like each other.
2016 we became official after playing around. It was heaven on earth for me then and I loved the man with my whole heart. I went out of my way for him. He was my first everything.
Few months into our relationship, we were at a festival with another couple who were our friends, and we 4 slept in a campervan. He wanted to have sex, I didn’t and I told him no few times. He ended up rubbing himself between my thighs while I laid there frozen and hurt. I pushed the whole thing away from my mind. Another 6 months in, we were drinking in his hometown with his friends. He got too drunk and ended up grabbing me from my collar and pushing me aggressively against a wall and yelled at me. He ran away and I was alone in his hometown while he didn’t answer. Well I found him and we went to his mother’s house to sleep, where he cried to me that I shouldn’t be with him that he’s a bad man. Another year in, one of his best friends hated me and trash talked me to their friend group and it was literally hell on earth, and he just let it happen, without setting things straight or defending me. And at the same time, we listened to one podcast where a couple had downloaded their tinders back and watched their old matches and convos to laugh at them lightheartedly. Well, we did just that but what I found out was that he had had tinder while we were officially together and talked to other women. He ended up deleting everything before he could show me them and saying it wasn’t him, that his single friends used his phone and pictures for tinder, but I could tell that it was him from the messages I had time to see.
The last 4 years have been sexless, and I have suffered with that a lot. There’s no kisses, no holding hands, no I love you’s, nothing. We have basically been friends for the last 4 years except when he’s drunk and wants to rub his D against me and cum.
Well now, we broke up a month ago, after being 8 years officially together and a decade of us being engaged with one another. Everything we own shared, our car, cats, furniture, EVERYTHING.
I’m just so broken, sad, finished and tired. I love him, but I don’t, I hate him, but I don’t. I have fought for this relationship for years alone, and it ended up breaking me. I have been unmotivated to finish my bachelor degree, I just stay home and don’t want to see anyone and I escape reality with music and stories. I read and use AI to live my hopeless romantic dreams, I dream about a life, but I’m scared I won’t ever get it because I lost myself in this relationship. I lost my mental health and my body. I have gained 30kg since we started dating, he loves ordering in and eating chips and all that shit, I had never even taken food home before I met him.
I’m looooost and I don’t know what to do, how to pull myself together and go live my life while going through this breakup, he and his family were my life and now I’m going to move out to live alone for the first time ever with two cats we got together.
2024.05.13 21:18 RhubarbMiserable9553 Bangladeshi girls on reddit, how do you deal with misogyny?
An introvert here. Almost all my life I've been a nerd and social issues never really bothered me. I thought Bangladesh was this really great country where people of all religions live together without an issue. Figured out I was extremely naive when I joined Facebook after my ssc. And then I got into this highschool which happened to be a Christian Missionary. It was supposed to be a place of some of the brightest students in the country, and that was indeed true. But some of those bright students also happened to be the characteristic misogynists, fueled by the current version of islamist ideology that's existing in the country. Their opinions on the Iranian anti hijab movement and similar social issues made me really scared.
And the more time passed, the more I saw people taking up this radical islamic view on society and it made me hate Islam to the point I finally left mainstream social media. For about a year now, I'm out of school, not with a whole lot of friends, and I'm supposed to enter university this fall. But I feel like I'm less prepared for society now than I was back in highschool. With the whole Andrew Tate thing that happened and the general opinions of Bangladeshi people on women, I've often thought how I would've coped if I was born a girl here. And honestly, I do not have an answer. I never asked my female friends this question and I don't want to. I know it doesn't necessarily have everything to do with religion although I've put my decent share of rants against Islam here, as a Dhakaiya non muslim who doesn't quite understand how even some of the smarter people can be this superstitious. I'm sorry if this post came out as irritating.
submitted by RhubarbMiserable9553 to bangladesh [link] [comments]
And the more time passed, the more I saw people taking up this radical islamic view on society and it made me hate Islam to the point I finally left mainstream social media. For about a year now, I'm out of school, not with a whole lot of friends, and I'm supposed to enter university this fall. But I feel like I'm less prepared for society now than I was back in highschool. With the whole Andrew Tate thing that happened and the general opinions of Bangladeshi people on women, I've often thought how I would've coped if I was born a girl here. And honestly, I do not have an answer. I never asked my female friends this question and I don't want to. I know it doesn't necessarily have everything to do with religion although I've put my decent share of rants against Islam here, as a Dhakaiya non muslim who doesn't quite understand how even some of the smarter people can be this superstitious. I'm sorry if this post came out as irritating.
2024.05.13 21:01 HamsterHammertime I need some mature, preferably male perspectives please
This is long so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and respond.
I’m (F, mid 40s) seeing a guy in his mid 30s and it’s been going on for about a year. Told me up front he wasn’t looking for a relationship and wanted to focus on finishing his degree. I respected it although I liked him a lot initially and saw potential. I really didn’t know what my intentions were when we met either and wasn’t looking for anything serious. We instantly formed a pretty unique connection and I wanted to know him better. I was several years out of a relationship and not attached to anyone in any way. It just felt like good timing to try seeing someone again. He also was unattached and hadn’t had a girlfriend for 2 years.
Initially it started as hooking up and then we started doing more friend-like activities. In hindsight, it should have ideally been the other way around but we were instantly very physically attracted to each other. That rarely happens for me. This dude is pretty much the male version of me in a lot of ways, and our differences in personality are just interesting enough to not have things be boring. We have so many common interests and our time together just flows easily. We can roast each other playfully without hurt feelings which is really top tier. No subjects of discussion seem to be off limits. He’s traveled a lot and done a lot of things with his life and it seems like he’s slowed down a lot in the past year to be more focused on himself and his family. He has a great relationship with his mother. It’s really great to spend time with someone who is intelligent, funny, creative and talented all in one person. I never get sick of him.
Obviously I developed deeper feelings over time, didn’t really see it coming. I just really love the time we spend together and there’s a lot of things about him that make me think we could be happy together at some point in the future. There’s also a lot that’s standing in the way right now. He affirmed a few months back that he still isn’t ready for a relationship but tells me he loves me, does nice things for me, fixed my car, has taken care of me when I was sick, is thoughtful, an actual gentleman (opening doors, “text me when you get home”type stuff), talks about possible future plans (like moving closer to where I live) and we communicate occasionally about hypothetical relationship scenarios.
The sex is really very intimate in an emotional sense. Lots of kissing, declarations of feelings, consideration of each other’s pleasure. Some of the deepest conversations we’ve had have been during sex. We communicate and check in with each other throughout and we always give instructions on what feels good/what doesn’t. This really makes for some of the best sex I’ve ever had.
I’ve never had a relationship like this before but I guess young people call these “situationships”? They can be very confusing and also great in a lot of ways. I don’t have anyone telling me when to be somewhere or anxiously checking on me constantly wondering what I’m doing. I have a lot of freedom to be alone and be myself. But also a lot of feelings. I do find myself thinking about him a lot and wishing we could spend more time together. He often tells me he misses me. We text and talk on the phone fairly regularly but not every day.
He says he’s not seeing other people and is kind of a recluse. I can pull up on him anytime and usually he’s home. When I come over he doesn’t seem to mind if I stay for multiple days. He seems a little sad when I leave. We don’t live super close to each other so we only see each other once a week or every other week. It’s always at his place. We do leave the house together to go shopping or get food, but not like on super romantic dates. We’ve been seen in public together. There’s no signs of other women having been in his house. He gives me gas money if I drive out of my way to come over. He is and always has been very financially generous with whatever he has available, and I’ve bought him some thoughtful, practical gifts that he always says he doesn’t want me to spend my money on but ultimately seems grateful for. This man has spent thousands of dollars on hanging out with me. When he does anything creative or productive in his life, he tells me about it like he wants me to be proud of him. I’ve met some of his friends and family members. They all seem cool and they seem to like me too.
I had to finally have a big conversation with him about what everything means and where it’s going because I was tired of being emotionally confused, and we’ve determined that things are not at the point of progressing further, but we also cannot leave each other alone. Having the information about where we stand has made me less anxious but also there’s a part of me that’s like “why am I still doing this?”.
I’ve cut him off like 3 or 4 times due to the lack of commitment/relationship compatibility but he will always find a way back into my life saying “I’m not letting you go”, “I move very slowly until I’m completely comfortable with someone”, “things can always change in the future” and that no matter what he will always be there for me and he worries about me when we don’t communicate. He has said “we don’t have to have sex every time you come over”. Aside from that, we cuddle and talk about deeper things, our past experiences and emotions. I can hold him accountable and he doesn’t get defensive. I always sleep over. We have established boundaries, and sleeping positions lol It’s clearly not just about sex. We genuinely care about each other and are supportive of each other’s happiness and goals. We can be creative together too and share some hobbies.
I do NOT do wife type things at his house. I’ve never cooked for him, cleaned his house or did his laundry. I told him I don’t do those things at men’s houses and he said “Good. You should just relax when you’re here”. He does not want or expect me to do anything for him. He has cooked for me though. I’m certain he’s not trying to use me for my labor.
The reasons he claims he doesn’t want a full on committed relationship seem to keep shifting. At first it was about school. Then it was he’s terrified of being hurt. He has claimed to be “confused”. Then he said he doesn’t want to change up his whole life and routine because someone else is around. Then it was that he wants to have kids and I don’t want anymore kids. I’ve told him a few times that he should go find whoever he wants to be with/commit to and he insists he’s never met anyone who’s “on my level” and isn’t trying to find anyone else. I haven’t pressured him to be monogamous, yet he says he prefers to be. He brought up monogamy before I did. I’ve only asked for honesty and safety.
The reasons I don’t logically want a relationship with him at this point is that I’m pretty traditional in the sense that I want to fully commit to someone who can financially support me and with him still in school that’s not possible. When he graduates he will be very financially comfortable and has had decent paying jobs in the past. He’s not a bum who’s never accomplished anything and he can support himself. I think in the meantime, not having as much money as he’s used to really bothers him. He has said before that I deserve to be taken care of. I have a very physically demanding job and would like to focus on other projects and he understands.
We align a lot on values and some goals but having kids with him (or anyone) doesn’t seem like a great idea for me at this point in my life. I’d be sad if he moved on but if what he truly wants is to have his own kids (not just be a stepdad), he should have that experience. I truly want him to achieve everything he wants in life.
Also he drinks more than I would like. I’d want him to have a plan to get sober or at least drink less. He’s not mean or all that different personality-wise when he’s drunk but he forgets a lot of details about things. He loses track of time often. I also worry about his health.
He admits that he should stop drinking and has made some attempts since I’ve known him but they are short lived. The days when he’s sober are really cool and I tell him how much I prefer to be around him when he’s not drinking. I’m very encouraging without shaming him. I’ve empathized with how hard it must be to stop. I’ve offered my help and given him tangible resources. He’s clearly not ready. He is so gentle and sweet but obviously he needs to quit for himself and to be fully mentally and emotionally present in a relationship.
I know at this point a relationship isn’t a good idea, but I feel like at the very least I’m still enjoying our time together and I know we care about each other. I always want to remain friends at least. I just can’t seem to stay away from him even if I’m aware that it may not go anywhere substantial. When I try to create space, he literally begs me to come back. I’m fully aware that I deserve someone who is ready for a relationship and can be more mentally and financially able now, not maybe in the future.
I’m not fully cutting off the idea of dating (not sleeping with) other people for him. We agreed to be monogamous sexually but he said it’s fine if another guy takes me on a date. He said he’d want to know about it so he can give his opinion on whether the guy is safe/good enough for me or not. I once told him I met a guy at my job and he groaned about it and seemed disappointed until I finished telling him it didn’t go anywhere lol
I don’t want to sleep around but I don’t want to waste time by waiting for someone who may not change in a way that makes us more compatible in a relationship. I haven’t asked him to change but also let him know my standards and criteria. I also have this opposing feeling like I should be patient and see how things unfold for him in his life. I want to see him grow and become the best version of himself, whether we are together or not. We’ve developed a pretty significant bond that I don’t feel I can replace with anyone else. I want to be around to encourage him and be part of his support system. I like knowing I can rely on him to be a safe, generous and affectionate/caring person who always wants the best for me (and my kids) too. We challenge each other in the best ways, and don’t seek to control each other. We are mutually meeting several needs, just not all of them.
What’s the best way to handle this? Do I fully stop seeing him and move on completely with a broken heart or just keep seeing where it goes with an open mind for other options? Is it even possible to let anyone else into my life when I’m spending time, energy and emotions on this guy? Can anyone provide any insight into what might be going on for him on a deeper level? With some objective opinions maybe I can form a clearer understanding of where I need to go with this. I guess I’m old school and hate the idea of throwing good people away even if they aren’t in a place where I’d prefer them to be. I’m trying to look at his actions and not his words but it’s hard to see the big picture when there’s feelings involved.
submitted by HamsterHammertime to dating_advice [link] [comments]
I’m (F, mid 40s) seeing a guy in his mid 30s and it’s been going on for about a year. Told me up front he wasn’t looking for a relationship and wanted to focus on finishing his degree. I respected it although I liked him a lot initially and saw potential. I really didn’t know what my intentions were when we met either and wasn’t looking for anything serious. We instantly formed a pretty unique connection and I wanted to know him better. I was several years out of a relationship and not attached to anyone in any way. It just felt like good timing to try seeing someone again. He also was unattached and hadn’t had a girlfriend for 2 years.
Initially it started as hooking up and then we started doing more friend-like activities. In hindsight, it should have ideally been the other way around but we were instantly very physically attracted to each other. That rarely happens for me. This dude is pretty much the male version of me in a lot of ways, and our differences in personality are just interesting enough to not have things be boring. We have so many common interests and our time together just flows easily. We can roast each other playfully without hurt feelings which is really top tier. No subjects of discussion seem to be off limits. He’s traveled a lot and done a lot of things with his life and it seems like he’s slowed down a lot in the past year to be more focused on himself and his family. He has a great relationship with his mother. It’s really great to spend time with someone who is intelligent, funny, creative and talented all in one person. I never get sick of him.
Obviously I developed deeper feelings over time, didn’t really see it coming. I just really love the time we spend together and there’s a lot of things about him that make me think we could be happy together at some point in the future. There’s also a lot that’s standing in the way right now. He affirmed a few months back that he still isn’t ready for a relationship but tells me he loves me, does nice things for me, fixed my car, has taken care of me when I was sick, is thoughtful, an actual gentleman (opening doors, “text me when you get home”type stuff), talks about possible future plans (like moving closer to where I live) and we communicate occasionally about hypothetical relationship scenarios.
The sex is really very intimate in an emotional sense. Lots of kissing, declarations of feelings, consideration of each other’s pleasure. Some of the deepest conversations we’ve had have been during sex. We communicate and check in with each other throughout and we always give instructions on what feels good/what doesn’t. This really makes for some of the best sex I’ve ever had.
I’ve never had a relationship like this before but I guess young people call these “situationships”? They can be very confusing and also great in a lot of ways. I don’t have anyone telling me when to be somewhere or anxiously checking on me constantly wondering what I’m doing. I have a lot of freedom to be alone and be myself. But also a lot of feelings. I do find myself thinking about him a lot and wishing we could spend more time together. He often tells me he misses me. We text and talk on the phone fairly regularly but not every day.
He says he’s not seeing other people and is kind of a recluse. I can pull up on him anytime and usually he’s home. When I come over he doesn’t seem to mind if I stay for multiple days. He seems a little sad when I leave. We don’t live super close to each other so we only see each other once a week or every other week. It’s always at his place. We do leave the house together to go shopping or get food, but not like on super romantic dates. We’ve been seen in public together. There’s no signs of other women having been in his house. He gives me gas money if I drive out of my way to come over. He is and always has been very financially generous with whatever he has available, and I’ve bought him some thoughtful, practical gifts that he always says he doesn’t want me to spend my money on but ultimately seems grateful for. This man has spent thousands of dollars on hanging out with me. When he does anything creative or productive in his life, he tells me about it like he wants me to be proud of him. I’ve met some of his friends and family members. They all seem cool and they seem to like me too.
I had to finally have a big conversation with him about what everything means and where it’s going because I was tired of being emotionally confused, and we’ve determined that things are not at the point of progressing further, but we also cannot leave each other alone. Having the information about where we stand has made me less anxious but also there’s a part of me that’s like “why am I still doing this?”.
I’ve cut him off like 3 or 4 times due to the lack of commitment/relationship compatibility but he will always find a way back into my life saying “I’m not letting you go”, “I move very slowly until I’m completely comfortable with someone”, “things can always change in the future” and that no matter what he will always be there for me and he worries about me when we don’t communicate. He has said “we don’t have to have sex every time you come over”. Aside from that, we cuddle and talk about deeper things, our past experiences and emotions. I can hold him accountable and he doesn’t get defensive. I always sleep over. We have established boundaries, and sleeping positions lol It’s clearly not just about sex. We genuinely care about each other and are supportive of each other’s happiness and goals. We can be creative together too and share some hobbies.
I do NOT do wife type things at his house. I’ve never cooked for him, cleaned his house or did his laundry. I told him I don’t do those things at men’s houses and he said “Good. You should just relax when you’re here”. He does not want or expect me to do anything for him. He has cooked for me though. I’m certain he’s not trying to use me for my labor.
The reasons he claims he doesn’t want a full on committed relationship seem to keep shifting. At first it was about school. Then it was he’s terrified of being hurt. He has claimed to be “confused”. Then he said he doesn’t want to change up his whole life and routine because someone else is around. Then it was that he wants to have kids and I don’t want anymore kids. I’ve told him a few times that he should go find whoever he wants to be with/commit to and he insists he’s never met anyone who’s “on my level” and isn’t trying to find anyone else. I haven’t pressured him to be monogamous, yet he says he prefers to be. He brought up monogamy before I did. I’ve only asked for honesty and safety.
The reasons I don’t logically want a relationship with him at this point is that I’m pretty traditional in the sense that I want to fully commit to someone who can financially support me and with him still in school that’s not possible. When he graduates he will be very financially comfortable and has had decent paying jobs in the past. He’s not a bum who’s never accomplished anything and he can support himself. I think in the meantime, not having as much money as he’s used to really bothers him. He has said before that I deserve to be taken care of. I have a very physically demanding job and would like to focus on other projects and he understands.
We align a lot on values and some goals but having kids with him (or anyone) doesn’t seem like a great idea for me at this point in my life. I’d be sad if he moved on but if what he truly wants is to have his own kids (not just be a stepdad), he should have that experience. I truly want him to achieve everything he wants in life.
Also he drinks more than I would like. I’d want him to have a plan to get sober or at least drink less. He’s not mean or all that different personality-wise when he’s drunk but he forgets a lot of details about things. He loses track of time often. I also worry about his health.
He admits that he should stop drinking and has made some attempts since I’ve known him but they are short lived. The days when he’s sober are really cool and I tell him how much I prefer to be around him when he’s not drinking. I’m very encouraging without shaming him. I’ve empathized with how hard it must be to stop. I’ve offered my help and given him tangible resources. He’s clearly not ready. He is so gentle and sweet but obviously he needs to quit for himself and to be fully mentally and emotionally present in a relationship.
I know at this point a relationship isn’t a good idea, but I feel like at the very least I’m still enjoying our time together and I know we care about each other. I always want to remain friends at least. I just can’t seem to stay away from him even if I’m aware that it may not go anywhere substantial. When I try to create space, he literally begs me to come back. I’m fully aware that I deserve someone who is ready for a relationship and can be more mentally and financially able now, not maybe in the future.
I’m not fully cutting off the idea of dating (not sleeping with) other people for him. We agreed to be monogamous sexually but he said it’s fine if another guy takes me on a date. He said he’d want to know about it so he can give his opinion on whether the guy is safe/good enough for me or not. I once told him I met a guy at my job and he groaned about it and seemed disappointed until I finished telling him it didn’t go anywhere lol
I don’t want to sleep around but I don’t want to waste time by waiting for someone who may not change in a way that makes us more compatible in a relationship. I haven’t asked him to change but also let him know my standards and criteria. I also have this opposing feeling like I should be patient and see how things unfold for him in his life. I want to see him grow and become the best version of himself, whether we are together or not. We’ve developed a pretty significant bond that I don’t feel I can replace with anyone else. I want to be around to encourage him and be part of his support system. I like knowing I can rely on him to be a safe, generous and affectionate/caring person who always wants the best for me (and my kids) too. We challenge each other in the best ways, and don’t seek to control each other. We are mutually meeting several needs, just not all of them.
What’s the best way to handle this? Do I fully stop seeing him and move on completely with a broken heart or just keep seeing where it goes with an open mind for other options? Is it even possible to let anyone else into my life when I’m spending time, energy and emotions on this guy? Can anyone provide any insight into what might be going on for him on a deeper level? With some objective opinions maybe I can form a clearer understanding of where I need to go with this. I guess I’m old school and hate the idea of throwing good people away even if they aren’t in a place where I’d prefer them to be. I’m trying to look at his actions and not his words but it’s hard to see the big picture when there’s feelings involved.
2024.05.13 20:56 West-Tax6641 Wita if I told my husband to get a vasectomy
(30ish f) married to my (40ish m) hubby for almost 2 decades have a major rift. We have 1 child who we love and adore, I work full time and school while caring for our child and hub works full time as the main revenue provider. With my current schedule I work only 1 day a week the same time he does and I work other shifts. Since our child he has said we don't want anymore kids. When I personally have told him multiple times I want more than 1 child. He gets annoyed from both sides asking when are we going to have another one, I get it. It is annoying and none of their business. Currently now is not the right time but I would still like another child and I have made that apparent to him and my family. Yesterday we visited his family to where one of the never asked yet again if we were going to have another child. To which he piped up and said no we are done and to stop asking. I get it why he got upset and I didn't say anything. But on our travels home we were conversing about what was said and we got onto that topic. I said I don't agree that he said that because I do want more kids and I haven't changed my stance on that. More " you agreed to that not me" comment. To which he replied then get rid of me, you want more kids then leave. I replied I want you, stop making decisions for me when I don't agree. In the last year I re-upped my iud and we agreed long ago that when we are done with child baring he would get a vasectomy. I feel if he really wants me to be in better health and lose what weight I have gained throughout our relationship (I have bdd and weight issues stemmed from childhood issues) then he should get a vasectomy. I should be the only one dealing with our sexual health if I am the only one on birth control. I don't have an issue being on it, but I would like my body to reset naturally before I go into menopausal Issues. We have been at odds with each other and we agree to disagree and I’m ok with that. But this particular issue drains me, I let him make the bulk a decision in our relationship. If I don’t agree I tell him and we usually just say ok then we don’t do it. For the most part, lively hood, house stuff, kid rearing is all them same view point but this. We are both very hard headed and this in particular I don’t know if it is because I am a women or what really kills me. Other than him a dick some times and it takes 2 to tango he is a great partner. So would I be the a-hole to ask/tell him to get a vasectomy? Ps my father got one many years ago, I work in the medical field
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2024.05.13 20:56 ParthaB125 Liv Pure Review 2024 - Is Liv Pure A Safe & Effective Way to Lose Weight?
Liv Pure For Weight Loss
Liv Pure has emerged as a central hub for those seeking insights into the effectiveness of this liver health supplement. This thorough review delves into its composition, advantages, and customer opinions, providing a comprehensive view for potential users.
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Liv Pure has emerged as a central hub for those seeking insights into the effectiveness of this liver health supplement. This thorough review delves into its composition, advantages, and customer opinions, providing a comprehensive view for potential users.
Who Developed the Liv Pure Formula
The formulation of Liv Pure was orchestrated by a team of specialists in the realm of liver health and nutrition. Their combined knowledge and commitment to scientific inquiry resulted in a potent amalgamation of natural components aimed at bolstering liver function and overall health.What is Liv Pure
Liv Pure presents a detailed examination of a liver health supplement crafted to facilitate detoxification and weight loss. It serves as a valuable guide for individuals aiming to make well-informed choices about their health and explore natural remedies for liver support.How Does Liv Pure Operate?
Liv Pure elucidates the mechanism underpinning the supplement's effectiveness, shedding light on how its components collaborate to enhance liver function, accelerate metabolism, and aid in fat burning. This analysis offers clarity on the supplement's role in fostering overall health and wellness.Pros
- Natural Components: Liv Pure comprises a blend of natural elements, devoid of artificial additives.
- Liver Support: The supplement is designed to bolster optimal liver function and detoxification.
- Weight Loss Assistance: Liv Pure assists in boosting metabolism and promoting healthy weight loss.
- Positive Customer Feedback: Numerous users have shared favorable experiences with Liv Pure .
- Trusted Formulation: Liv Pure is underpinned by scientific research and formulated by experts in the field.
Cons
- Availability: Liv Pure may solely be accessible for purchase online, potentially limiting access for some individuals.
- Individual Variability: While many users observe positive results, responses to Liv Pure may differ among individuals.
- Unsuitable for Pregnant or Nursing Women: Due to its potent formula, Liv Pure is not recommended for pregnant or nursing women.
- Potential Side Effects: Some users may encounter minor side effects such as gastrointestinal discomfort.
- Cost: The price of Liv Pure may serve as a deterrent for certain prospective users.
Ingredients
- Milk Thistle: Supports liver health and detoxification processes.
- Artichoke Extract: Assists in digestion and promotes liver function.
- Turmeric: Possesses anti-inflammatory properties and supports liver health.
- Dandelion Root: Facilitates liver detoxification and promotes bile production.
- Beetroot Extract: Abounds in antioxidants and supports liver function.
Benefits
- Liver Support: Liv Pure aids in detoxification and sustains optimal liver function.
- Weight Management: The supplement aids in metabolism and fat burning, fostering healthy weight loss.
- Energy Boost: Liv Pure elevates energy levels, promoting vitality and overall well-being.
Key Features
- Natural Composition: Liv Pure is crafted with natural ingredients, ensuring safety and efficacy.
- Scientific Validation: The supplement's composition is substantiated by scientific research and clinical studies.
- Quality Assurance: Liv Pure is manufactured in FDA-approved facilities, adhering to stringent quality standards.
Why Opt for Liv Pure
Liv Pure distinguishes itself as a dependable source of information for individuals aspiring to enhance liver health and promote weight loss naturally. Its thorough analysis furnishes valuable insights into the supplement's effectiveness and customer satisfaction.Health Benefits
- Liver Support: Liv Pure aids in detoxification, fostering optimal liver function and overall health.
- Weight Management: The supplement supports metabolism and fat burning, facilitating healthy weight loss.
- Digestive Support: Liv Pure promotes digestive health, aiding in nutrient absorption and digestion.
Side Effects
Although Liv Pure is generally safe for most users, some individuals may experience minor side effects such as gastrointestinal discomfort. It is advisable to consult with a healthcare professional before commencing any new supplement regimen.Pricing Structure
- 30-Day Supply: $69 per bottle
- 90-Day Supply: $49 per bottle
- 180-Day Supply: $39 per bottle
Refund Policy
Liv Pure extends a 60-day money-back guarantee on all purchases, enabling customers to trial the product risk-free.FAQs
How should I consume Liv Pure?- The recommended dosage of Liv Pure is [insert dosage instructions here]. It is advisable to consult with a healthcare professional before commencing any new supplement regimen.
- Liv Pure is formulated with natural ingredients and is free from common allergens such as [insert allergens here]. However, individuals with specific allergies should meticulously review the ingredient list before consumption.
- Individuals with pre-existing medical conditions should consult with a healthcare professional before taking Liv Pure to ascertain compatibility with their current treatment plans.
- Yes, Liv Pure is suitable for vegetarians/vegans as it does not contain any animal-derived ingredients.