Scholarship parent with disability

I 26F bisexual am disabled and get a set amount of money per month, I want to move to an apartment in the city but my parents insist that anywhere I end up living is going to be out of my budget or terrible. Bringing up roaches and bedbugs and I’m severely terrified of bugs.
I want to move there because I live in a very conservative area and the closest thing to an lgbt community is there in that city. I have a lot of trauma from sexual assault that kind of messed up my view of and relationship to men, it’s toxic and I have a lot of self hatred and shame
Because of that even tho I’m bisexual I want to date women, as messed up as it sounds with men I feel like a useless sex object. I want something serious but I also wouldn’t mind just sex, I’ve never done anything sexual with a woman before but I really want to. I’m wondering if it’s a bad idea to move just for the lgbt community that’s there, in other areas I’ve lived all I could use to date was dating apps and those suck. Women I matched with were kind of cold in conversation and a lot of the profiles coming up for me were asking for a third to join them and I hate that. Ew. Straight people need to realize bi women aren’t sex toys we don’t exist to spice up the bedroom.
There’s a gay bar in the city but reading reviews they said mostly straight people show up but idk am I actually gonna find someone just by hanging out at a gay bar? My parents think I’m gonna get stabbed or shot if I move to an actual city but I feel like they don’t act this crazy towards my siblings, I might be autistic and I feel like that might be why they’re more worried about me. They think I’m too dumb and autistic to survive and they’re telling me how much I’ll hate living there and basically trying to scare me. But the thing is it’s not worth dying alone to just listen to them and move to a city where I was sexually assaulted instead.

I have had all sorts of questions growing up so thought this would be a good opportunity for questions

I dont know if I'm trying to look for answers or just trying to rant but here it goes.
For context, I live in Ontario (Canada).
These past couple of months have been really hard for my brother (34) and I (36). Two months ago, my dad (63) had a hemmoragic stroke. The first few weeks were scary as he couldnt talk and his whole right side was paralyzed. Since then, he has been recovering quite quickly with rehab and is now able to speak ( albeit with difficulties word finding and short term memory issues) and has some mobility on his right leg and arm but still extremely weak that he cannot do much with them. Since then, we have been taking care of our mom who suffers from psychosis, bipolar , depression and diabetes for the past 5 years or so and dad was the one always taking care of her. We are really scared on what the future entails now that this will likely be our new normal. POA for Property and Health is in place and brother and I are now officially appointed.
With our dad still going through rehabilitation, my brother and I have been attending to our mom's needs and their finances, however , it has been a constant struggle. She is extremely needy and cries the freaking blues when there is any kind of inconvenience (most of it caused by her ) such as the fridge going out (she buys an egrigious amount of groceries that she will never finish), the sink garbage dispenser being clogged ( she puts EVERYTHING in it ) and broke it more than once, and now we are getting a text from her that her toilet and shower is clogged (even though we told her she has more than one toilet and shower she can use in the interim). All she cares about is money and that she needs to buy things (her disability pension from her work is quite good, but she spends like it grows on trees and we had to limit her credit card usage and take her debit card away and making sure their bills are paid). We are thinking this is probably a high risk for dementia. Everything seems to be breaking with her being alone ( brother and I have our own place and both live in the same city as our parents)
I dont know what to do and its only been two freaking months of this and im already at my wits end. She CANNOT take care of herself (ironically , she knows to take her diabetic medications consistently) but refuses any other appointsments to help with her mental issues. We are scared that once dad is discharged from the hospital that their living arrangements will need to be changed and seperate, as there is no way mom will have the capacity ,both physically and mentally, to take care of dad (for f*** sake, she didnt even stay 1 hour at the hospital with dad when he first got admitted for his stroke because she said she was tired). Im extremely exhausted as I have my own issues with taking care of my business ,which is not doing so hot, and now helping take care of my dad's business ( we are both in the hospitality industry) but his is very profitable. All my family members tell me to make sure to take care of myself in order for us to take care of our parents. But how the heck can I when I'm being pulled left , right and center in everything. I barely have time for myself personally. My brother is doing as much as he can as well and I am lucky that we have a pretty good relationship and see eye to eye on a lot of things. I feel like at some point I'm going to spiral. Am I complaining too much? am I just weak?
Again , i dont know why im writing this. Maybe looking for others who have had similiar situations. I just want this nightmare to end.

I'm looking to buy a home in Michigan and want to ask the community if there are home loan lenders that will listen to my credit story and not just look at the score/report? My score used to be 800+, but went down to under 500 about 4 years ago, and then now I have it back above 680. There were several reasons my score went down, and a large part of it was that my SC disabilities were really bad at the same time I was caring for a Navy veteran who had terminal cancer. The first 8 months I took care of her, her parents didn't pay me, so my credit use got out of control. Since that time, I've been declared 100% P&T by the VA, and have paid off over 80% of my debt off. I'm back to being responsible with my money and maybe there's someone out there who has some guidance? Thanks.

Hi all. We're in an impossible position. My boyfriend (26M 26F) of 7 months has a disabled sibling in his home country who will eventually need his care once his parents are not able. He is an American citizen but was born elsewhere, moved here for high school while his family stayed overseas.
He is the long term plan for his disabled sibling and moving his sibling to the United States is not in question. He was made aware of this last week when his family came into town to visit.
I have told him I will support him and be by his side during his decision making process, but his options are basically to move back overseas to eventually be the provider for his sibling, or tell his family no and stay here. I know him well enough to know that he will not go against his family wishes.
I am at a point now where I am basically grieving this relationship. I know that I can walk away and at some point we both will have to - we're basically delaying the inevitable. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and saw a future with him and it feels like it is being taken away in an instant. After the traumatic relationships l've had to deal with in the past - he was my breath of fresh air and I'm devastated to say the least. I feel so lucky to have experienced this relationship with him. He is my best friend. Neither of us would feel comfortable having me move there since we are pretty early on, so that is also not being considered.
This isn't a decision that needs to be made asap, so I really want to enjoy the time that I have left with my best friend and would love to know if anyone has been through something similar. How can I best support him while also not hanging my emotions over him - I know that he will not allow us to stay together for too long during the decision making process because he truly does not want to hurt me.
I really cannot help but ask "why me?"

By "big dream" I mean something you've always strived for, but that's generally considered an unrealistic outcome. Your "big dream" could be anything: become an astronaut, become a millionaire, join the Special Forces, own a bunch of land in Alaska, buy a Rolls Royce, be a video game tester, be a professional NFL football player, climb Mt. Everest, start your own business, be a parent, you get the idea. It can be anything; everyone has one.
Basically, something you've wanted for most of your life, but have not been able to accomplish for one reason or another, and you're reaching an age that's usually considered to be 'too late'.
The 'too late' age is relative. 30 is too late for pro sports, your mid-30s tends to be too late for military and law enforcement careers, late 40s-50s are usually (but not always) too late to become a first-time parent, and if you're not a millionaire by your late 60s, it's unlikely you'll be one in the future. Additionally, you could be 'too late' because you have a disability or health condition you didn't plan for.
How did you deal with the understanding that you're just not cut out for the life you wanted?

so my final choice is between syracuse and st. johns. essentially big modern college vs super duper small liberal arts school. I got so much aid from syracuse but it's not enough and decision day is tomorrow and my parents told me I can't go. For reference, cost per year there is around 88-89k and my package was at least 64k, including a 25k per year renewable scholarship and admission into the honors program. I would only need about 8k to go, but there's just no way right now. I need some support because I love st. johns, but it's a very classical "secret history" type school and I want to go into a tech field (data science/analytics). They also force everyone to take the same curriculum and all 10 of my AP classes don't count for credit. I'm most scared about career outcomes. It seems that internships are pretty 50/50 (not impossible but certainly not super prevalent) and job outcomes could be okay. I don't know, I just need some support right now that st. johns isn't a bad place to go and I won't end up broke and miserable because I couldn't afford to go to syracuse and ended up with a liberal arts degree. If yall could help that would be great. :")

I am 19f living with my parents. Backstory. I don't have a job yet and my dad strangely does not want me to get one while complaining about me not having one.
I am allowed outside twice a day. One while going to a minor scholarship program which is basically school pt.2 and one to take the dog out to do business. I am not allowed on field trips.
I never had an aftebefore school club. I don't go out to meet friends. I'm not allowed outside the view of the house unless it's for the bus. My sister (f20) "ran away" with her fiance after an argument.
I keep asking my dad if I can go out with friends and he has been refusing. My dad says I could just bring them over but he has a temper and I have seen him yell at my sister's friends whenever she brings them over so I don't try.
The one time he accepted was the time I asked to go to the movies. He called me 20 min into the movie and demanded I come home. The only reason he let me out was that he was under the impression I lied about going with friends and went out with my sister. He realized I did not lie when my mom mentioned my ginger friend.
I asked my mom if I could stay over a few hours at a friends house. I was so worried that I would be denied that I planned the hangout 2 weeks in advance on a weekend. Mom said yes and that she would take me. I was excited, this would have been the first time I have ever gone to a friend's house.
I made the mistake of mentioning it to my dad. He demanded that I cancel and write a letter to her apologizing because I lied about getting permission and to bring it back signed. I refused.
He called me an a-hole for wanting to leave the house because I have a phone and that is all I'll ever need. (The phone does not even do phone calls.) He talks about how people get killed for the wildest things and how I'm gonna offend someone with my stuttering, that I gonna get a crime pinned on me and that I'm much safer indoors.
I told him I am just sick of living life in my bedroom and that I deserve to have in person relationships, social media and friends without him looming over me policing everything I do and just straight up denying me a childhood.
Now he is yelling about how I have my head up in the clouds and that I need to learn about real life literally every time I see him in the hallway. It's been a week. I told a friend (while at school) about this and they told me that I'm being an a-hole and I need to suck it up because my dad is worried about my safety.
Now I am actually confused, AITAH for arguing with my dad about not wanting to send a letter and not allowing me to visit public areas/friends for safety issues or is he the A-hole for not letting me outdoors or online for my whole life?

As the title states, (and despite the existential risk to myself - as I am disabled, impoverished, and my survival is reliant on the room I rent in her attic - given her recent threat to have have me thrown out by the police because she could not handle the feelings she had during the argument that she initiated), I have finally drawn a bright red line in the metaphorical sand regarding her treatment of me. This is the culmination of 8+ years of sustained, one-sided, unreciprocated, and unsuccessful effort on my part to sustain, salvage, repair, or improve our "relationship"
 
I've learned a lot from the stories and people on this subreddit, and I know if anyone can understand the way that I'm feeling about this it's you guys.
 
Any input, commentary, criticism, insight, commiseration, etc, is very welcome, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it.
 
Anyways, enough preamble, here's the letter in all of my ridiculously-verbose inglory (the square-bracketed disclaimers, etc, were part of the letter as delivered to her, since she is selective illiterate whenever there's something she doesn't like):
 
[START]
 
[This document begins with a 382 word AI-generated summary (titled "AI- GENERATED SUMMARY:" below the square-bracketed opening remarks), estimated at 1m23s time required to read. If you are unable or unwilling to make it through even this brief summary, then there is literally nothing else I could possibly do to assist in your comprehension of my positions. The full message following the summary is approximately 2100 words, estimated at approximately 8 minutes to read.]
 
[If you would like assistance in understanding things I've written that you're struggling to interpret or comprehend, you can go to chatgpt.com (no account necessary), or download the ChatGPT app from the Google Play Store on your phone. You can simply interact with the chat in natural language (in other words, type as though you were texting another person) and it will understand what you are saying. If you are struggling to understand how to interact with it effectively, you can simply inform it of that (in any wording you choose) and it will assist you with altering your approach to receive more effective results.]
 
AI-GENERATED SUMMARY:
 
Your son's message is a powerful declaration of his boundaries, grievances, and intentions within your relationship. Here's a breakdown to help you understand:
 
Preface: He advises you to read with an open mind and, if needed, with assistance due to the emotional complexity.
 
Declaration of Disengagement: He firmly states his decision to disengage from any form of interaction or acknowledgment outside of essential landlord-tenant matters.
 
Condemnation of Abuse: He accuses you of perpetuating a cycle of abuse that has deeply impacted his health and stability.
 
Rejection of Coercion: He dismisses the idea that being evicted is a viable solution to the abuse, highlighting the coercive nature of such a choice, and how it leaves him vulnerable to further harm.
 
Criticism of Your Behavior: He unreservedly condemns your actions, particularly your exploitation and manipulation, emphasizing the gravity and effects of your conduct.
 
Challenges to Your Claims: He directly confronts your claims regarding his efforts in the relationship, asserting that he has consistently made extensive attempts to maintain it, despite your accusations to the contrary.
 
Commitment to Compliance: He unequivocally affirms his commitment to compliance with all landlord-related demands, demonstrating his unwavering respect for your authority as the homeowner.
 
Demand for Clarity: He demands clear and unambiguous knowledge of the requisite terms when any changes to living arrangement paradigms are demanded, underscoring his willingness to comply with any directives you may issue.
 
Defense Against Gaslighting: He firmly asserts his unwavering commitment to respecting your property and authority, preemptively refuting any attempts to accuse him otherwise.
 
Insights into Your Behaviour: He offers insights into patterns in your behaviour, linking them to moments of vulnerability or distress in your life.
 
Call for Self-Reflection: He urges you to seek professional help for your narcissism and unresolved childhood traumas.
 
Caution Regarding Gravity: He states that failing to address your responsibilities would be a missed opportunity for both of you to salvage the relationship and resolve underlying issues.
 
Reiteration of Hope: Despite his current stance, he leaves the door open for reconciliation if you undergo necessary personal growth.
 
Closure on Unequal Effort: He firmly states that he can no longer sustain the one-sided effort in the relationship and won't continue to do so.
 
It's evident that he's deeply hurt and demanding acknowledgment, change, and resolution in your relationship.
 
[end of AI-generated summary; my full, non-AI-generated message follows below]
 
[I recommend that you read this in its entirety at a time and capacity level where your literacy and comprehension are at their highest level, and preferably with the interpretational assistance of a knowledgeable and competent support person or technological assistant.]
 
[Presumably, after reading a few sentences or less, your defense mechanisms will be activated and you will eject. However, as with the vast majority of the things I have said to you that have gone unacknowledged, I am completely certain that the contents are cogent and comprehensible, and I believe that with competent support and vulnerable effort you undoubtedly have the raw cognitive capacity necessary for comprehension if you are able to stabilize your emotional reactions and put real effort into the actions necessary for you to understand my words.]
 
I will not talk to you.
I will not look at you.
I will not approach you.
I will not acknowledge you.
 
If you attempt to interact with me on any interpersonal level not related to your role as a landlord, I will reserve the right to express just how fucking despicable it is to treat such a vulnerable person with such utter disregard and abuse for so fucking long.
 
The cycle of abuse you have maintained to destabilize me for your own pathological reasons has caused - and continues to cause - extensive damage to my health, stability, and existence. However, since I know your response to this would likely be some variation of "you're not a victim here [my name], so if I treat you so bad, just leave", I'll preemptively and unequivocally condemn such coercive and abusive tactics, and state again (as I did the other day), that the forced choice between your abuse and life-threatening-homelessness is obviously no choice at all, and leaves me perpetually subject to your coercion and abusive control.
 
Such exploitation by you is absolutely disgusting, and honestly I understand why you run away from yourself at every single instance where you're in danger of having your lifelong house-of-cards ego even slightly threatened. I know if I treated another human being the way you treat me for even a moment, let alone for the literal years you have done so, I would not be able to face myself in the mirror either. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.
 
You say I "don't want to be your son anymore", as though it has been someone other than me making hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours of efforts and attempts in order to try and single-handedly keep our relationship alive, and as though it has been someone other than you who has stonewalled me for years about every single legitimate and valid time I attempted to gain even the slightest foothold as a full human being in the owner-pet relationship you have fought so hard to maintain. You siphon, in fact demand, emotional supply whenever you so choose, and then fucking discard me as soon as it appears that I might do anything that would result in you losing even a fraction of a percent of the 99% to 1% imbalance you believe is an immutable part of our "relationship".
 
I will do my absolute best to be in my room as much as physically possible when you are home, so as to minimize the need to be physically adjacent to you in the course of our respective activities of daily living.
 
I, again, remain unequivocally committed to my position of deference and compliance towards any rules/demands related to my existence, presence, or activities as your tenant.
 
As you refuse to provide any sort of unambiguous guidance or clarification whatsoever regarding your shifting demands affecting my ability to access/perform basic activities of daily living, I will continue to act in good faith with respect to my adherence to all previously-established arrangements and protocols (whether codified or de facto) regarding such activities. To the full extent of my abilities, and to the extent that it is physically possible, I will immediately and unequivocally comply with any alterations, additions, or excisions you choose to impose regarding the nature of our physical coexistence as landlord and tenant, regardless of your disregard or intent for any harm to my stability that will ensue as a result.
 
If you intend to attempt to manipulate or threaten or gaslight me to illegitimately and dishonestly accuse me of failing to comply with your rights and demands as the homeownelandlord, then I can assure you that such efforts will be ineffective and inadvisable. The extensive history of my genuine, documented, and unwavering commitment to absolute respect of your home, property, and landlord-tenant authority is unassailable, and nothing has or will change about the good faith nature of my efforts to simply live peacefully and work on stabilizing my health and continuing to attempt to develop basic protocols that offer me the opportunity to seek the ways and means required to sustainably exist, survive, and seek meaning and fulfilment as a human being.
 
To try and make it a bit more bite-sized (without warranty as to the efficacy of said efforts), since I know when your ego is threatened you conveniently - and dishonestly - become completely unable to read a couple thousand words:
 

• I have never been more disgusted by the actions of anyone or anything more in my entire fucking existence.

 

• I will continue to be an absolute model tenant, despite the harmful effects of your constant abuse, and I will unequivocally comply with any demands you make with your authority as my landlord. I will explicitly and aggressively defend against any attempts to gaslight me, or attempt to dishonestly accuse me of failing to comply with any such demands.

 

• Feel free at anytime in your life to decide that maybe it might be time to face the fact that - though skillful in your delusion - you are the same scared child you were 40 years ago, and if you ever want to truly and meaningfully experience what it's like to be secure with yourself beneath the false veneer of superficial and ego-protecting interactions you surround yourself with at the exclusion of true and honest existential vulnerability, then you need to seek, engage with, and be honest and vulnerable with, professional clinical care for your intractable narcissism and the lifelong effects and deficits associated with same. In other words, to reductively and rhetorically restate what you disgustingly told me the other day as a means of deflecting from the fact that you couldn't go more than two seconds without contradicting yourself, “get your fucking meds adjusted”.

 

• When faced with any sort of challenge to your control or authority, your lifelong fear of abandonment has caused you to push people away before they have the opportunity to leave you, resulting in premature, self-created, and misdirected sabotage of significant relationships at the first sign of disturbance or genuine vulnerability. I know you're terrible at recognizing or interpreting patterns or facts, but think, for example, about when your efforts to remove me from your life and/or house have been at their most intense:

 

• (a) in 2016(ish) when conflicts about my role in helping with the [redacted address][job of cleaning out my grandpa's apartment after Alzheimer's took hold] triggered feelings of grief and fear in you at the decline of your father's health and the inevitability of his then-upcoming death,

 

• (b) in late 2019 through 2020ish, in the leadup to and aftermath of your father's death, where you threatened or demanded my removal from your house during damn-near every single minor conflict about utterly insignificant household disputes. The vulnerability and grief you felt surrounding his death triggered the core-level unresolved sense of abandonment you carry as a result of the lack of parental affection you received because of, inter alia, the level of care required by your [editor's note: dying of CF as a teenager] sister and resultant lack of parental support available to you as a result,

 

• (c) in 2021ish, surrounding your mother's acute medical events and her subsequent death, where your treatment of me followed effectively the same patterns and underlying causes as the item above (sans explicit threats of eviction, opting instead for the more oblique and covert references that have been your MO until the recent regression to explicit threats within the past few days).

 

• (d) in 2024, surrounding the final decline and subsequent death of [dog], where all of the same behaviours described above returned and steadily escalated, culminating in telling me to get the fuck out of your house because I wouldn't stop moving some boxes for 30 minutes, and then telling me that you were going to call the police to have me removed from your house as a result of your inability to force me to stop making accurate statements that damaged your ego and need for unquestioned interpersonal control in your self-appointed role as the sole ruler of the relational hierarchy you fought so hard to maintain.

 

• You need to actively and vulnerably seek and participate in professional clinical treatment for the lifelong effects of the hollow narcissism that has maladaptively protected you from your deepest childhood injuries and vulnerabilities, at the expense of truly genuine connection with, at the very least, your firstborn and only son.

 

• [note that the contents of this bullet point are neither a threat of suicide, nor an indication of any intent whatsoever to harm myself or others. I am including this disclaimer to preemptively remove your ability to selectively manipulate my words in order to further gaslight me]
  If you want me gone from your house, and life (and possibly my own life, given the extreme existential risk posed by homelessness for a vulnerable person with the significant disabilities I am faced with), then you will have to have me physically removed from your house in cold blood, and until the day you (or I, depending on the order) die you will live with that being the last time you ever saw the son that you took for granted and abused for 32 fucking years while he groveled at your feet begging for even scraps of affection or humanity from the person who constantly love-bombed and discarded him at her convenience to serve her own narcissistic desires worth no regard for the whole entire person she was subjugating to the role of, barely, a pet.
  

 

• Be aware that if you choose to remove me from your life as a pathological and assuredly-ineffective avoidance mechanism to try and preemptively shield yourself from the fear of abandonment that is triggered in you as a result of my overwhelmingly valid and necessary actions to demand that you cease your lifelong efforts to subjugate me in your self-created hierarchical position at the top of our unequal relationship, then you will be doing yourself an irreparable disservice by extinguishing whatever sliver of opportunity might remain for you to get the help you need to allow you to finally see me as a real person and begin making real decisions and changes and efforts to participate in efforts to salvage whatever scraps of hope might remain for us to have a relationship before both/either of us die.

 

• Feel free to ignore and/or conceal the tens of thousands of words of documented history in order to share contextless excerpts of this text within your self-serving echo chambers in your efforts to receive false validation of your delusional victimhood. Or, alternatively, feel free to vulnerably share this in its entirety - along with the full corpus of my messaging regarding the severity of the harms caused by your behaviours - with a competent and knowledgeable mental health professional(s) for the purposes of seeking treatment for your underlying pathologies and working towards genuine growth.

 

• In the unlikely (though incomprehensibly-or-perhaps-delusionally-still-hopeful) event that you are still reading, I will conclude by saying that the possibility for any hope of salvaging our relationship lies firmly and solely within your control.

 

• After over 8 years of significant, relentless, documented, often-vilified, and absolutely unreciprocated efforts to single-handedly to put 100% of the effort into a relationship that you reaped the benefits of while remaining unwavering in your abdication of even the slightest of responsibilities, I have run out of ways, means, ideas, and capacity to continue unsuccessfully trying to do both of our parts.

 

• I am not closing the door to the possibility of reconciliation if/once you have undertaken the extensive individual work you need to do if you are ever going to be able and willing to put the necessary effort into repairing our relationship. But neither am I continuing to continue working outside your closed door hoping that one day I might be able to do enough to influence you to treat me like a full, real, EQUAL, human being.

 
I love you, and goodbye for now. I hope to see you on the other side, but I cannot force you to undertake the journey.
 
- [name]
 
[/END]
(any edits are fixing formatting/copy&paste errors)

This is on mobile & this more about one of my sisters. Info I’m the youngest in the family, disabilities & am adopted from a country that’s not well known in the west. Staying vague to avoid too many details.
Backstory: She held these details about me over my head all my life. “I’m not American enough, I’m not Asian enough (my heritage enough), I’m not smart enough”, etc. She traveled to my birth country and would withhold any information on my heritage from me and gaslight me whenever I tried to ask questions when I was young. Like “oh be specific, what do you mean what food they eat? What do you mean what their history is be specific” until I’d get frustrated and have to walk away. So ya she’s awful. Summer (2022) on a family visit, I’m their favorite aunt. Been told by all my siblings kids. It was a week’s stay and I had successfully dodged my sister’s attempts in starting a fight until somehow in a conversation of economics. Don’t ask I don’t know how either I was once again called a retard & her eldest kid used as an example to ridicule me further on how stupid I was & how smart her kid is in front of my silent parents. She then turned to my utter shock to her eldest child & used her younger sibling to ridicule her on how much better she could do in school. In my head I went “AH HELL NO” (that’s where it officially began.) I felt something utterly SNAPPED in me. After that she turned back to me & I was still in too much shock before I could defend my niece (my only real regret to this day) more insults were herald at me. Idk what it was but I started to cry. I’m not a cryer. So much so it throws me off when others cry because I guess I forget that’s a thing, typically I just get mad. Karen my entitled sister was absolutely BEAMING with pride and utter euphoric JOY. Again my parents still silent heads down. Shortly after that we had to leave for the airport. I WAS DONE. Given I’d do & this was my “snapping point” it’s really not too bad in my opinion.
Now onto the PETTY REVENGE.
Christmas 2022, I mailed my gifts to my narcissistic sister & later she called & disowned me. The utter relief that drained from my body was HEAVENLY. I sent her kids “Sorry My Mom’s a Karen” t-shirts I got off Amazon as a petty joke for Christmas, along said actually gifts. I thought it was hilarious and to anyone outside the family I tell this story to agrees it’s funny. Outraged on the phone I did try to explain why I sent the gifts instead of straight up apologizing first because that’s just how my brain functions. It’s not excusing it. It’s just making sense of things. A recap on what happened that lead up as a nice way to have a straightforward what happened from my perspective to give more clarity. I’m called heartless & evil. That was the Holidays and since then my parents have even admitted they know it was messed up & hovered over me declaring me unfeeling. According to my narcissistic sis I’m “an evil bitch”. I finally said okay & apologized to appease my mother. I figured it was a great acting exercise. I admitted that to my mother and she was not amused. She’s the type who just wants everyone to get along. Unsurprisingly my entitle sis said “it wasn’t good enough” & I said “that’s her problem”. I was called immature, stubborn & clearly need intense anger management…over shirts according to my sister. Questioning my sanity really her and my mom. “How could I do such a thing?” I remember thinking “Dude I got disowned over shirts”. Like wow she didn’t just prove my point. I’m setting boundaries, told her and my family regardless what they think I won’t let them make me the bad guy because I’m not. They were pissed. Whilst all this was happening I was planning on going off to uni, so I was gonna be gone anyways. I know my parents just want peace & are good people but are too old & don’t need to be dealing with their two adult children’s problems. I kept telling my mom she’s not responsible for her grown children’s problems. That it’s not her fault & that it’s between me and my sister. Of course my sister isn’t mature and demanded she fix it and make me realize how awful I am blah blah blah.
Ya I could have let it go but disownment is a bit of an overkill but I’m too relieved to care? She’s since then tried to convince our parents to take my education away. They shut that down, thank God. She even tried to convince them to throw me onto the streets. It was like this for roughly four months until I realized I was fighting my own battle this long & enough was enough. I contacted another family member knowing they’d contact my mom asking what’s going on? Embarrassed my mom came storming in asking why was I sharing our family business? I looked at her “why? Why? What’s a middle aged woman doing trying to ruin the life of (insert my age) year old?” Stunned I think that’s when she finally realized it was over and she gave up. After that I was left alone. By March I think Karen realized I’m not budging & she couldn’t take it? So her last tactic (which didn’t work) was saying parents couldn’t see their grandkids unless I apologized. I’ve admitted to my parents the fallowing “Yes, I messed up by sending those petty gifts to unsuspecting kids. That’s fair. However how is sending petty shirts like that be so much worse than the abuse they’ve let me endure from my much older sister? Whatever. At the very least I deserve a tongue lashing. Which I got but not months of continued “you’re heartless” BS. Sorry if this was a long read but that’s been my story so far. I’m living my life, keeping a healthy distance because I love my family but I’m also not a pushover. I’ve been blocked by Karen naturally. My Parents spent years beaten down by her despite the good life and support she’s been given by our parents. They’re just as much as victims as I am. My petty revenge continues as I live my life. I even met people at my university from my country and finally got answers not even the internet was helpful on. I was finally able to reclaimed my own heritage. Around Christmas time 2023 I had an unplanned & surprising conversation on FaceTime with my nieces! As expected they don’t care about what happened & they still love me. My BIL is chill & probably wisely is staying out of it. I’m not gonna lie I was kinda hoping my sister would send me a Karen shirt back because my petty ass would have loved it & been so proud. I honestly was planning on pinning it to my wall if they did, like a petty trophy but I guess I’m the only one who sees the humor in all this & can laugh about it, even at myself. Also my parents have been getting therapy and doing better. They’re victims & adults. So what they do is their choice. Thankfully I have seen improvements. They’re good people.
The CHERRY ONTOP :
I realized somewhere in August 2023 that I was the first person in Karen’s life that told her no, showed she had no control. What’s worse (for her) of all people, it was in her eyes the inferior little Asian, retard, who walked away head held high & couldn’t give a damn about her. And. She. Can’t. Do. Anything. About. It. That’s Power. Now she lives her life as if nothing happened staying silent but keeps the “disownment up” and honestly good for her. I am happy healthy & thriving. I WON.

I'm almost 40 years old. I am disabled and, yes, I live with my mom.. but since my dad died, and since she had a stroke a year ago, her obsession? over my life has gotten way out of control. I love my mom... but I'm tired of her bullshit.
I am poly and started a new relationship a month ago (with someone I've known for 25 years). Shortly after that, I ended my 12-year relationship with my (now ex)boyfriend. The two things had nothing to do with each other, and yes I probably should have waited some time between them - but if I didn't break up with him then, I would have lost my nerve and it wouldn't have happened. He's a good guy, in general, and I want to remain his friend - but he was disrespectful to me and I just wasn't happy. We were 7,000 miles apart and in 12 years, had seen each other in person 3 times. It was just too expensive. He didn't respect my pronouns or gender identity, any time I tried to bring up that I'm agender, he would respond "I'm a straight guy" - great, good for you, I'm not a girl. He liked to annoy me to the point of me blowing-up in anger. He thought it was hilarious.
So I'm better off not dating him. And I've explained all this to my mom (her responses included denying my gender identity). In all honesty, I think probably the biggest problem is that my ex-boyfriend is a lot like my dad.. and my dad died 2 years ago. I think mom saw her own relationship in ours.
She is still pissed off at me, thinks my new date-mate is to blame (they're not)... Today she went behind my back to message my best friend and ask her questions, because I purchased plane tickets to go visit said best friend and, while there, go see my date-mate as well a few states over. My uncle helped me purchase the plane tickets, and mom believes I lied to him to get him to help me. I didn't.
She talked to my brother today, and he had to tell her to not go behind my back and try to talk to my date-mate's parents.
I'm fucking embarrassed at her behavior.

I'm sorry, I just need to vent to someone who might understand. It's been an exceptionally tough year and going to work everyday has been a struggle.
I'm on year 10 of teaching and I've reached my burnout point. I'm currently teaching in an elementary SDC (lower grades). For some reason, I left my old district last year for this new district and I now feel like they've broken me.
I'm tired of constantly being short staffed being told "oh, well we just don't have many para subs." The way that they say it, just makes it seem like I'm supposed to sympathize with them struggling to fill positions. Well, I don't because the pay and hours are shit, so not very many people want to sub. So I tell the principal "if I don't get a sub, I don't get breaks or lunch" and sometimes they will send someone to relieve me, but most of the time I work entirely through the day without a break. Anyway, I got tired of fighting, so I just leave early. I figure if they don't care, neither should I.
I'm in an area where neighboring districts have some full inclusion, but there is barely any inclusion in this district. I was recently at a transition IEP (not for a student of mine), where the mom wanted her kiddo to be in a less restrictive environment and she said something along the lines of "in an ideal world, I'd like my kid to be in full inclusion, but I know this district doesn't do that." Can a district just say they "don't do inclusion?" I don't know this parent, but I hope she finds an advocate in the future.
There are students in my self contained class that are academically above their general education peers all around, but because they have behaviors (such as difficulty attending/staying on task or has difficulty writing or using a pencil) they are in my class. It just doesn't seem right to me. I always thought LRE should be mostly based on academics, but I've been told my students will most likely not be moved to a less restrictive environment. I'm just confused and feel like I don't know anything anymore. Honestly, I question more if placements are due to class sizes and not wanting to open more classrooms.
There's so much more to this story, but basically I used to feel like a good teacher, now I feel like shit. I'm taking next year off because we are moving out of state and have 2 little ones, but I just don't know if I'll be able to return to teaching after that year off. I've been working with people with disabilities shortly after high school, if I don't do this, then what the hell else can I do? I just feel really defeated right now.
TLDR- Been in special education 10+ years and I'm burnt out. I just wanted to vent.
Edit: typos

I’m so confused, I don’t know who my mom is. My dad is horrible, he is very verbally abusive and physically abusive. He abused my mom more than you can even imagine. She also had horribly abusive parents. I think that’s why I always explain away her behavior. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of my dad abusing her, her getting upset at me, her crying saying she’s sorry, me trying to comfort her, her insisting she’s bad and saying me and my sister should never forgive her, me comforting her and then it starts up again. I’m 16 with learning disabilities because I wasn’t helped educationally so I can’t distance myself and I feel like I’m addicted to the good parts and cut down by the bad. I feel like it’s normal to have bad moments but this happens every month or so. My mom has said I push my dad’s bad behavior on her, which I’m worried I’m doing. My dad forced me to grow up emotionally and I’ve feel like I have, so I don’t know if I’m over reacting or if this is wrong. It has also gotten so much worse now that there getting a divorce so I feel like I should just tough it out until the divorce is finalized. My mom also insists that I should live near her, ( the same plot of land in her mind like a half an acre or a acre at most) but i don’t know if that’s what I want. Despite me have anxiety I want to move away for space or even better out of state to have fresh air. I feel like a horrible daughter.

I’m so confused, I don’t know who my mom is. My dad is horrible, he is very verbally abusive and physically abusive. He abused my mom more than you can even imagine. She also had horribly abusive parents. I think that’s why I always explain away her behavior. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of my dad abusing her, her getting upset at me, her crying saying she’s sorry, me trying to comfort her, her insisting she’s bad and saying me and my sister should never forgive her, me comforting her and then it starts up again. I’m 16 with learning disabilities because I wasn’t helped educationally so I can’t distance myself and I feel like I’m addicted to the good parts and cut down by the bad. I feel like it’s normal to have bad moments but this happens every month or so. My mom has said I push my dad’s bad behavior on her, which I’m worried I’m doing. My dad forced me to grow up emotionally and I’ve feel like I have, so I don’t know if I’m over reacting or if this is wrong. It has also gotten so much worse now that there getting a divorce so I feel like I should just tough it out until the divorce is finalized. My mom also insists that I should live near her, ( the same plot of land in her mind like a half an acre or a acre at most) but i don’t know if that’s what I want. Despite me have anxiety I want to move away for space or even better out of state to have fresh air. I feel like a horrible daughter.

Hi all. We’re in an impossible position. My boyfriend of 7 months has a disabled sibling in his home country who will eventually need his care once his parents are not able. He is an American citizen but was born elsewhere, moved here for high school while his family stayed overseas.
He is the long term plan for his disabled sibling and moving his sibling to the United States is not in question. He was made aware of this last week when his family came into town to visit.
I have told him I will support him and be by his side during his decision making process, but his options are basically to move back overseas to eventually be the provider for his sibling, or tell his family no and stay here. I know him well enough to know that he will not go against his family wishes.
I am at a point now where I am basically grieving this relationship. I know that I can walk away and at some point we both will have to - we’re basically delaying the inevitable. This is the best relationship I’ve ever been in and saw a future with him and it feels like it is being taken away in an instant. After the traumatic relationships I’ve had to deal with in the past - he was my breath of fresh air and I’m devastated to say the least. I feel so lucky to have experienced this relationship with him. He is my best friend. Neither of us would feel comfortable having me move there since we are pretty early on, so that is also not being considered.
This isn’t a decision that needs to be made asap, so I really want to enjoy the time that I have left with my best friend and would love to know if anyone has been through something similar. How can I best support him while also not hanging my emotions over him - I know that he will not allow us to stay together for too long during the decision making process because he truly does not want to hurt me.
I really cannot help but ask “why me?”

Hi guys. This is my first pregnancy so maternity leave info is just very confusing for me. I had my preemie baby back on March 24th (29 weeks preemie). She's been in the NICU for the last month and half while I'm on my maternity leave for 10 weeks (due to C-section). She'll most likely will still be there when I'm done due to her conditions. My maternity leave is only on short term disability. The place I work at only allow FMLA to employers who work there for a year or more. I just happen to be right outside of that eligibility. My starting date was May 26, 2023. My short term disability ends on May 31st, so it's coming up. Am I able to apply for FMLA once my one year date passes? And should I apply for intermittent FMLA? Being in NICU, we don't know when our baby will come home. I would love to take some time off for some bonding time once she gets discharged. What are the steps I should take to help my situation? My workplace works with Sedgewick for any LOA things. Another note to add, once I'm eligible for FMLA, I am also eligible for parental paid leave up to 80 hours. TIA!

I 22f got my multiple sclerosis diagnosis when I was 18. Lots of lesions the doctors finally landed on highly aggressive RRMS. I was alone and had stroke like symptoms at the time and between what my life was and what I then found out about the rest of life trajectory, I dissociated. When I got out of the hospital I was so focused on living I didn’t think about the long term effects that I can’t out run. My parents both worked in the medical profession and after years of me falling, telling them I can’t see and sleeping through events they were done with my attention seeking behavior at 16. I do not want to complain but this is more for venting purposes so I digress. I have been on ocrevus twice a year and have two month crap gap and I am starting to think that it is far more noticeable than I realize. I have been able to maintain work as a rover sitter but I have noticed that if it’s more than a couple days at a time I burn out and have to take weeks off. Which leaves me with the questions of what other jobs would be realistic and should I look into disability, if so how in the state of Virginia would I go about that process?

I'm 20 years old in college home for the summer, and I can't do this.
I have first-gen, incredibly strict Indian parents. My high school experience with them was awful. Think of all the cliches--needed to be the best academically (ended up being valedictorian of my school and getting a full tuition scholarship), no freedom at all (curfew was 8pm, no leaving the house more than 2x a week even if it was a club, they didn't think clubs or extracurriculars were important), no driving (even though I got my license at 17), physical and mental abuse, threats, etc etc. To make matters worse, I ended up losing all my friends my senior year. The only person that stuck with me was my boyfriend (secret, of course), and we're still together (4 years now).
College was the best experience for me. I made all new friends (except they all live 2+ hours away from my home sadly) and my bf and I are making long distance work. Coming home last summer was fine because I was only there for a month because I got accepted to this research program which I begged them to let me go to, and they did.
This summer, it has only been 1.5 weeks and I'm losing it. My bf just came back and I always make an excuse to see him, that I'm seeing my old "friends" and they don't question it too much but my curfew is still 9 PM. I came home last night at 9:35 PM and I got yelled at, slapped twice, and screamed at about how I have been spending too much money. I literally worked 2 jobs in college last year and have a virtual summer internship. This is MY money. I'm still not allowed to drive, despite having had my license for 3 years now. When I am allowed to drive, it's only like 3 select locations (all no highway) and I have to use our small, crappy car. I need to do shadowing this summer because I'm a pre-dental student, but I'm not allowed to literally drive to do my shadowing hours. My mom takes the small car to work (she refuses to drive anything else) and my dad works from home so we have the big car completely free but I'm just not allowed to drive it at all.
These are just the recent things but there's so many things that I can't do. I've missed out on trips with my friends, concerts with them, etc. My friends (like a group of 15 people are going) recently invited me to this concert in one of my friend's hometowns 2 hours away and offered me a place to sleep but ofc I can't go! I even tried asking and reasoned out how I would get there via public transit and I just got laughed at. It's all my money, too.
The worst part is, even though I've had the best college experience (because they go to bed at 9-10 PM they don't check my location that late, so I've been able to party and finally have that taste of a normal life) and met the most amazing people, none of them can understand this at all. Most of my friends are Indian/Asian and I know a lot of people but everyone I'm close to just doesn't have this problem. I feel bad ranting to them because they don't know what to say or do. Even when they do try, it's things like "try to sneak out" (cameras, motion detectors, etc) or "better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission" like they don't fundamentally understand how bad it could get if I did that.
I'm just stuck. I don't know what to do. I don't know when I can go out with my bf next. I even have to ask permission to go on a walk/run around our neighborhood and need to be back my dinner and can't stay longer than 1 hour on the dot (dinner is at 7:45 PM).
I don't know what to do. I can't get a job because first of all, even though they complain about money to me all the time, they wouldn't let me get a job because it's too much freedom and driving. Secondly, I'm studying for the DAT (Dental Admission Test) this summer and I can barely even concentrate at home because the second it turns 3 PM the TV starts blasting and they're always yelling at each other. I tried to ask if I can go to the library to study and focus, but again they yelled at me about the car thing and then how it would be a waste of gas money and how I can study at home and how I should be waking up at 6-7 AM to study if the house gets loud around 3 PM.
I hope someone on here can understand, even partly, my frustration. I wonder oftentimes what I have done wrong to make them treat me like this. I have talked to them about all of this countless times, and I am currently ignoring them both (only saying yes/no) while also trying to do everything "perfectly" so they don't have anything to yell at me about because they're mad about me coming home at 9:35.
Please help. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I fear this will be my forever.
If I get into my state dental school, my dad said he would want me to commute because it's cheaper but I would be living at home. I would end myself probably. I can't even think about that right now.

I'm 20 years old in college home for the summer, and I can't do this.
I have first-gen, incredibly strict Indian parents. My high school experience with them was awful. Think of all the cliches--needed to be the best academically (ended up being valedictorian of my school and getting a full tuition scholarship), no freedom at all (curfew was 8pm, no leaving the house more than 2x a week even if it was a club, they didn't think clubs or extracurriculars were important), no driving (even though I got my license at 17), physical and mental abuse, threats, etc etc. To make matters worse, I ended up losing all my friends my senior year. The only person that stuck with me was my boyfriend (secret, of course), and we're still together (4 years now).
College was the best experience for me. I made all new friends (except they all live 2+ hours away from my home sadly) and my bf and I are making long distance work. Coming home last summer was fine because I was only there for a month because I got accepted to this research program which I begged them to let me go to, and they did.
This summer, it has only been 1.5 weeks and I'm losing it. My bf just came back and I always make an excuse to see him, that I'm seeing my old "friends" and they don't question it too much but my curfew is still 9 PM. I came home last night at 9:35 PM and I got yelled at, slapped twice, and screamed at about how I have been spending too much money. I literally worked 2 jobs in college last year and have a virtual summer internship. This is MY money. I'm still not allowed to drive, despite having had my license for 3 years now. When I am allowed to drive, it's only like 3 select locations (all no highway) and I have to use our small, crappy car. I need to do shadowing this summer because I'm a pre-dental student, but I'm not allowed to literally drive to do my shadowing hours. My mom takes the small car to work (she refuses to drive anything else) and my dad works from home so we have the big car completely free but I'm just not allowed to drive it at all.
These are just the recent things but there's so many things that I can't do. I've missed out on trips with my friends, concerts with them, etc. My friends (like a group of 15 people are going) recently invited me to this concert in one of my friend's hometowns 2 hours away and offered me a place to sleep but ofc I can't go! I even tried asking and reasoned out how I would get there via public transit and I just got laughed at. It's all my money, too.
The worst part is, even though I've had the best college experience (because they go to bed at 9-10 PM they don't check my location that late, so I've been able to party and finally have that taste of a normal life) and met the most amazing people, none of them can understand this at all. Most of my friends are Indian/Asian and I know a lot of people but everyone I'm close to just doesn't have this problem. I feel bad ranting to them because they don't know what to say or do. Even when they do try, it's things like "try to sneak out" (cameras, motion detectors, etc) or "better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission" like they don't fundamentally understand how bad it could get if I did that.
I'm just stuck. I don't know what to do. I don't know when I can go out with my bf next. I even have to ask permission to go on a walk/run around our neighborhood and need to be back my dinner and can't stay longer than 1 hour on the dot (dinner is at 7:45 PM).
I don't know what to do. I can't get a job because first of all, even though they complain about money to me all the time, they wouldn't let me get a job because it's too much freedom and driving. Secondly, I'm studying for the DAT (Dental Admission Test) this summer and I can barely even concentrate at home because the second it turns 3 PM the TV starts blasting and they're always yelling at each other. I tried to ask if I can go to the library to study and focus, but again they yelled at me about the car thing and then how it would be a waste of gas money and how I can study at home and how I should be waking up at 6-7 AM to study if the house gets loud around 3 PM.
I hope someone on here can understand, even partly, my frustration. I wonder oftentimes what I have done wrong to make them treat me like this. I have talked to them about all of this countless times, and I am currently ignoring them both (only saying yes/no) while also trying to do everything "perfectly" so they don't have anything to yell at me about because they're mad about me coming home at 9:35.
Please help. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I fear this will be my forever.
If I get into my state dental school, my dad said he would want me to commute because it's cheaper but I would be living at home. I would end myself probably. I can't even think about that right now.

pretty much as the title says, I have a 4yo quickie qri that came with removable plastic sideguards. About a month or two ago I went on a day trip at my school (us public school for students with disabilities) and the staff members took my chair apart including removing sideguards to try and fit it into the back of a minivan. Since that day my sideguards have Vanished. Staff said they checked every van and haven't found them, I've checked both of my parent's cars since my chair only gets taken apart to be put in a car, no luck. I use my chair nearly every day and recently have started going places independently so it gets wet and muddy and gross af. Would medicaid insurance cover new sideguards? Out of pocket they're like $80 each which I can't afford on disability. I also have a disability support waiver grant through the state that I suppose I could use but that's a last resort option. Any advice super appreciated:)

Mother’s Day was terrible. I don’t know why I’m updating this. Maybe it’s for the few people can sympathize.
A lot of the prior comments made untrue, horrible accusations about my wife.
My wife was never abusive or even mean, not in any state. It makes it so much harder to understand why our daughter would be so cold to her own mother.
My wife’s mental state before the accident had regressed into childlike behavior, which is concerning but not the cause of my daughter’s coldness. My wife would spit food out back into her plate, bluntly say it tasted bad and the wipe her nose with her sleeve like a child. I made the error of thinking she was having a midlife crisis because she bought an expensive dress because it was soft. She would forget to do things, her responsibilities.
Mother and daughter clashed because she would tell stories with no beginning and end, just rambling. She would ask the same questions over and over. She would promise to pick her up or bring something and forget. Things that would annoy a teenage girl.
The tumor were concentrated in the back of the head. When she got into the car accident, it made everything worse. She needed to relearn everything. She is still disabled.
We had high expectations for our daughter but she set them higher for herself. She had a dream school, where she wanted to go since she was 12. It meant that I had to chauffeur to so many activities throughout high school and sacrifice a lot to make sure she got the opportunities she wanted.
It meant leaving my disabled wife in a longer term care facility to hopefully recover. It was Covid so there were long stretches where we didn’t visit her.
When she came home, my wife was still largely nonverbal and wheelchair bound. She needed help with everything from eating to going to the bathroom. I earned a little as a caregiver on top of my regular job.
My daughter was so cruel and cold to her mother at that time. She would hate if her mother came outside with her and would later blame it on the wheelchair, saying it was bulky and attracted attention. She would ignore her mother and moved away to distance herself physically. I ended up getting a call from the school because a classmate had overheard what she said about her mother and reported it as ableism. I don’t know what she said. All I know is that she was very cruel to her mother.
I had her in individual therapy and we did therapy as father and daughter. It was her choice to stop.
My daughter ended up getting into her dream college. They had an accepted students weekend and she demanded that her mother stay home even though parents were invited. By that time my wife had made leaps and bounds in progress and was disappointed to stay home. I went and tried to be a proud father. At least she let her mother go to graduation.
My daughter came home a few days ago. Her exams were earlier. She informed us that she earned a research position with a professor for the summer. My wife was overjoyed, writing a card all on her own about how proud she was and she wished she saw her daughter grow into accomplished young woman. How proud she was to share this moment. My daughter looked sick with guilt. I know what that looks like.
On Mother’s Day, I made a comment that she couldn’t ignore her mother today. She told me to stop saying that. I made another comment about how proud her mother was of her and how much she loved her. I was doing it on purpose. It ended up with her saying she regretted what she did. I always had my suspicions. I interrogated her until she tearfully admitted she hated what her mother had turned into and she hit her mother once and she was ashamed to be around her because of what people thought. We got into a shouting match and she yelled at me that I was so focused on everyone else’s behavior because I regretted my own.
It’s true in a lot of ways. Because of Covid, there were limited visiting hours. But I still didn’t visit as much as I should have. I left my wife in a facility to focus on our daughter but also so that it would be easier for me. There are no siblings, no grandparents to help. I didn’t visit as much because I hated how much my wife would sob when I had to leave.
I started feeling guiltier when I read a news article about a nurse being sentenced for assaulting a woman in a coma. I thought about my wife. She was nonverbal, had limited short term memory, and wheelchair bound. I wouldn’t know what would happen. I tried to convince myself that it was fine but all I did was find more and more news articles about abuse at care facilities. I would have nightmares.
I pulled my wife out. I took months of work. I finally got her home. She was taken care of but not like I would have. There were a few knots in her hair, bruising, sores.
I won’t lie, the care was brutal. Now I had to juggle taking care of my wife and making sure my daughter was supported and able to reach her dreams. And it was hard seeing my wife like that. She was accomplished and intelligent and now couldn’t do a puzzle or eat on her own or go to the bathroom by herself. There was a huge learning curve and they assigned a nurse to come see my wife every few days.
My wife is so sweet. I attend a caregivers support group and I feel guilty because my wife doesn’t have the fits of temper or the rage or the depression that others did. I felt guilty for being tired. Some had it a lot harder than I did.
She got better and over time it was like she was almost back to her old self. And she never lost love for either of us. it hurts that she blames herself for how our daughter treated her. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my daughter focus on prestige and appearance so much, maybe I should’ve realized the signs early on and exposed her to others.
My daughter and aren’t speaking. My wife just wanted a happy family. I’m looking for therapy for us as a family.

I'm autistic and recently learnt that getting a service dog wasn't a lengthy legal process for only a few disabilities, but for all disabilities, that you can owner train, and is mainly up to you. While learning about this I also discovered that there are a few tasks that would actually be helpful for me such as deep pressure therapy (I actually really needed this earlier today when I got overstimulated in class and had to leave the room), blocking, and light guiding when I'm too overwhelmed to think properly; also finding people like my parents since I tend to lose them in stores but that one isn't too big of a deal.
I stumbled upon all this while doing research for a normal pet dog, since February around this time I've been lowkey obsessed and have researched and taken notes on everything related to a dog I could find in preparation for hopefully getting a dog when summer break starts if I can get my dad to agree to it; but now I'm at a bit of an impasse.
While looking for specifically other autistic teen service dog handlers to get advice from, I've also learnt that it's not a good idea to get a service dog as a teen, that owner trained dogs are much more likely to wash out, and more of an idea on the cons. I don't know if this is unpopular, but I like to get my information on more opinion-oriented topics from actual people and not articles, not to say that I don't read articles and stuff but hearing it from a person is just a lot easier for me to understand if that makes sense. I was already aware of most of the cons, but they were only amplified and made more real here.
So, the point of this all is that I do want a dog but is it good or bad to train her to be a service dog too? On one hand she could help me, and I am in therapy, on meds, have accommodations, and stuff like fidgets and loop earbuds and other tools like that. I do really feel like a service dog, a constant companion, would be good for me; all my life I've looked for the endless love I give others and a dog who could be with me everywhere while helping me not get overwhelmed or overstimulated and calm down sounds absolutely wonderful. On the other hand, the personal testimonies I love so much say that it's a bad idea and that it can stunt my growth. I have thought about getting a program dog but that'd take years, I'd definitely be on my way or in college by then but I do still want a dog. I can't decide which is more important to me because in my mind there's one perfect path, but I know life doesn't work that way. I want to be able to do dog sports as well. I want a service dog, but I also want a pet and I don't know which is more important to focus on, if my owner-trained dog washes out it's not the end of the world and we can still do normal things together but I haven't seen any program service dogs be made into sport dogs so I don't even know if anyone really does that.
What if my self-soothing is stunted? Life can be whatever you make it so does it really matter? How do I decide between a guaranteed service dog that takes time or a pet that I can do multiple things with and train on my own but with a high chance of failing? I'm sorry if I don't make much sense, the point of this post is to get outside perspectives to try to make sense of my thoughts.
At the end of the day, I have CAPE testing next week so I should really start studying lol
EDIT: I already told my parents about training the maybe-future puppy to be a service dog and my mom was just worried on if I was capable of that while my dad says that he doesn't want me to rely on the dog and use it as a crutch, then he tried to schedule an appointment with my therapist for Wednesday. Which I don't get because I see her every other Wednesday while we're in the middle of transitioning to another therapist (who actually mainly works with autistic teens yay) and should be seeing her tomorrow anyways. (Another edit): also she'd work more on the part-time side if that adds anything important