Felted purse pattern free

I've been thinking lately about how different players form of their own interpretations about Team ICO's works. And I think there are two main approaches to theories that get developed.
Players who focus in on the Developer Intent, and cling to various tidbits of information provided by old concept art, datamined demos, and interviews with Ueda. These players wonder specifically about what Ueda and the team members thought of these environments and characters. They want to know what the creators felt the story being told was about. These interpretations typically pull evidence from a lot of outside resources, citations, and even the influences that Ueda and the team might have pulled from at the time.
But others seem to remove factors of creation from their theory-crafting, looking at these games not as products made in a linear order by a team, but simply a set of stories to be interpreted and connected regardless of real world context. It's an approach very emblematic of the 'Death of the Author' concept. And weirdly enough, I think Ueda is in this camp, because he seems to be the absolute least interested in what his intent for these stories was at the time. He often describes his thoughts on them as his interpretations (or 'just one interpretation'), as though he wants to put himself on the same level as an audience member and de-emphasize his part as the creative lead.
But what is your approach to these narratives? Is developer intent important to your interpretation or do you think it shouldn't factor into things? Do you feel you're somewhere in the middle, or take different approaches depending on the subject?
Feel free to explain further in the comments.
View Poll

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I’m still embarrassed for how the relationship went and that I let her treat me. If anything I learned a lot from this relationship.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

I'm sure you all are probably already aware, but Sizzle Season 2024 is coming really soon for Splatoon 3. And since we're really likely to get a trailer for it this week, I figured I'd go ahead and share my predictions for things like the new kits and stages that will be released in it. I'm not sure how accurate all of these are, but let's have a look at them anyways. To start, here's what I've got for the weapons:
Second Kits:

• Bamboozler 14 Mk II with Toxic Mist and Trizooka
• Custom Hydra Splatling with Ink Mine and Reefslider
• Heavy Edit Splatling Nouveau with Splash Wall and Splattercolor Screen
• Custom Range Blaster with Curling Bomb and Kraken Royale

These kit predictions were made based on qualities like what they consisted of it previous titles, as well as what sub and special weapons other kits in their respective weapon classes have not yet received. As for the Heavy Edit Splatling Nouveau, my prediction for its Nouveau branding is based on the fact that Nouveau is the creator of the vanilla Heavy Edit Splatling. My Splattercolor Screen special prediction is also based on that, as both it and vanilla Heavy Edit were made by Nouveau, and the Splattercolor Screen has yet to be included as part of a Nouveau weapon kit. A lot of people have been saying that the Recycled Brella 24 Mk I and the Douser Dualies FF will be getting second kits this coming season, but me, well, I'm not so sure about that. I can understand why they'd think that, considering the rumors that Sizzle Season 2024 will be the final major update for Splatoon 3, but the idea of two recently introduced weapons getting second kits the season right after the one they were released in just sounds kind of strange to me. But, of course, I could be wrong. We'll just have to wait and see once the season is revealed. Anyways, with that out of the way, let's move on to the possible new kits for the game.
One of the most common rumors for Sizzle Season 2024 is that a new Stringer and Splatana will be introduced in the season. Considering that they haven't received any new models since the start of the game, I guess I can see something like that. However, as far as included subs, specials, or even general themes or gimmicks go for these potential new weapons, I can't think of any possibilities, probably because I don't really use those types of weapons much in the game. Once again, we'll just have to wait and see once the trailer comes out. Anyways, I think that's enough talk about weapons. Let's move on to possible stages.
Returning Stages:

• Saltspray Rig
• Shellendorf Institute
• Skipper Pavilion

Please note that I'm only making a list of possible returning stages because I can't think of any good ideas for possible new stages and, well, if I'm being honest, I feel like Splatoon 3 has enough of those already. I'm sure a lot of you have a good idea for why Saltspray Rig is on the list. That's right, Splatoon 1's server shutdown. You'll also probably notice that Urchin Underpass, another classic Splatoon stage that's now unplayable because of the server shutdown, is not one of my stage predictions. The reason Saltspray Rig is on the list and not Urchin Underpass is because unlike the latter stage, which was included in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe as a battle course, the former stage hasn't had any acknowledgement since the first game. So, between those two stages, I'd say that Saltspray Rig is the more likely to return in Splatoon 3. As for Shellendorf Institute and Skipper Pavilion, those two stage predictions were made based on how locker decorations based on items found in both those stages were introduced in Drizzle Season 2023, specifically the cephalo cipher stone, orca fossil, and Great Zapfish (as well as a Shellendorf Institute-themed skateboard) for Shellendorf Institute, and the closed-mouth mudskipper and open-mouth mudskipper for Skipper Pavilion. Considering that we got locker decorations that were inspired by those two stages, it would make sense for either one of them to return in Splatoon 3. Also, something else to note is that there's no telling what the new stage distribution will be like this season for the most part, Splatoon 3 followed a pretty basic pattern for stages introduced in new seasons: one new one and one from a previous game. However, that hasn't always been the case, as in Drizzle Season 2024, both stages introduced were new ones (Crableg Capital and Shipshape Cargo Co.), and in the current Fresh Season, we only got one stage: Marlin Airport. For all we know, both stages introduced in Sizzle Season 2024 could be returning ones, or we might only get one returning one. Heck, we could even possibly get more than two stages next season. But for now, we'll just have to wait and see what the trailer has in store for us. Anywho, I think I've said enough about stages. Let's move on to my final prediction for the next season: its Big Run.
For the Big Run in Sizzle Season 2024, I'd say that the most likely stage for it to take place on would have to be Sturgeon Shipyard. I mean, for one, the stage is set in a shipyard, which seems to me like a good location for the Salmonoids to try and invade. Another reason I think this stage is likely is because of its size and different locations, which could lead to all kinds of different battle scenarios against the Salmonoids. There are other stages that could potentially host the season's Big Run, like Mahi-Mahi Resort or Shipshape Cargo Co. but out of all those possible stages, I think Sturgeon Shipyard is the most likely site for it. And that's pretty much all I have to say for this category.
And there you go. Those are all my Sizzle Season 2024 predictions. Feel free to share your thoughts on them in the comments, and you can even share your own predictions too if you want. Hopefully some time this week, we'll find out just how accurate these are.

I work as a casual at a retail job selling sunglasses. I had been put under probation to be promoted as the assistant manager, which I’m sure was bullcrap anyway, but I was getting the hours for an assistant managers position. My manager (been 2 months since she started) has very incompetent and still doesnt know how to work the POS system still, vapes in the back room, gives discounts to customers like free candy, calls one of the team members a fucking bitch, whenever she sees her, cash has gone missing.. and many other problems which I and the whole team have highlighted to the regional manager, with no solutions. I had basically been running the whole store at this point as we can’t work like that with her.
I had been sick from the flu (which I got from her cuz doesn’t want to wear a mask to work), it was pretty bad, I had fevers up to 101.5, chills and tonsillitis, cold cough and all. So I’ve been calling off work for the last week. I have been giving notice that I can’t work the next day with a cover to my manager. The last time I did it, apparently the cover I sought for worked too much and wasn’t allowed to work. There is no way for me to know this, all I can do is ask if they can work, and they said they could. So I informed my manager at 5:43 pm that I found a cover and my manager said the cover can’t work as it’s over her hours. She still managed to give the cover my shift not sure how. Either way the next day she asked me 2 times if I’m able to come to my next shift I said yes, but then she said, I can’t keep having late notice, people are planning their day, and I obviously need notice to give them notice. Now my problem is how am I supposed to know if I’m upto working the next day or not. In my opinion I still gave her plenty notice. I never once misled her and she herself has left shifts midday cuz she felt sick with no cover. Technically it’s not even my job to search for covers, it’s hers, but I still try to find someone so it’s easy on her. At this point I’m not even allowed to get sick.
After this, she started cutting my hours and even removed some of my shifts all together. I asked her why and she said oh I got an email saying the hours have been reduced, which is bull shit cuz when I went to work, her email is always open to download documents and there was no such email. I called the regional manager and apparently they’ve removed the assistant manager position all together, which they had basically put me on probation for.
Anywho, I know I need to find new work now, but it is just irritating how the management doesn’t see how much money they are losing employing such a person as a manager. I’m not even sure how she was hired as a manager in the first place.

I passed the PMP and scored T/T/AT.
So here was my testing experience:
I took my exam at a testing center so I wouldn’t have to worry about any interruptions from my neighbors 😂. The testing center was so quiet, you can literally hear someone’s thought lol. I flagged questions I was unsure about, but I made sure to answer them just in case. I also reviewed each question before closing the section. I had extra time to review because I was so nervous that I was going to run out of time. Even though I was exhausted at the final stretch, I made sure to review each answer because once you submit, there’s so going back.
The resources I used:
PMP Prep Course (35 PDU) - Andrew Ramdayal; I took the CAPM years ago so I didn’t need to take a course, but it was great refresher.
PMP application - Alvin the PMP; he provided a great template to use for the application. He also has a prep course if you’re interested but there are other resources as well.
PMP Test Prep - Andrew Ramdayal’s Prep Course AND his PMP Exam Prep Simplified; this actually helped me to understand the materials. The videos just scratched the surface. I am a reader so reading helped me cement the information.
David McLachan’s YT Videos; this helped me confirmed what I had read in AR’s prep book. Actually listening to how he would tackle questions helped me to understand my weak spots and learn more interactively because I became discouraged and low key bored lol.
And, though it was a pain, PMI Study Hall (plus) was the most annoyingly effective tool. It was difficult at first but like many others had suggested, I kept on going and felt more confident over time. I completed 4/5 mock exams scoring around 70-76 but I read that you can score lower and still pass.
Now if you made it to the end of this, thanks because this is a long post lol! But, my main takeaways were:

• create a realistic study plan based on your circumstance. I work two jobs and didn’t want to put this back burner which would have happened if I took this exam in August for example.
  
• don’t be enticed to pay for more than 2-3 test prep services; it’s not worth it. Only invest in tools that are within your budget and actually provide value. YouTube is free and AR’s book was $50 which was worth it. SH was $79 which was all worth it imo.
  
• if you are really fearful of taking the PMP, consider the CAPM. I did this three years ago. I didn’t have enough experience and felt overwhelmed by the PMP process. The entry barrier was lower and I studied and passed AT.
  

Okay, comment if you ever need encouragement or any tips. This channel has been so helpful as others have been sharing their stories 🤍!

This complete guide on The Fool tarot card is brought to you by psychics4u.net. For more valuable information, insights and resources, visit: http://psychics4u.net/
What does the fool mean in the tarot cards? The fool is the most wild tarot card in the deck that you can ever get in a psychic reading. The meaning of the fool tarot card is all about new beginnings, a journey which is usually spiritual and fast change. It indicates that things are really going to go forward for you whether it’s love, relationship, money, work, career and health. But all of these good predictions will come true, only if you will believe in yourself and take calculated risks.
If you are interested in learning everything about the meaning of the fool’s journey tarot card, you came to the right place. Keep on reading till the end of this guide as you will find here lots of useful information regarding to:

1. The fool’s journey tarot card description and symbolism.
2. Personality traits.
3. The meaning in love, relationship, money, work, career and health.
4. Is the fool a good tarot card or is it bad?
5. Does the fool tarot card mean yes or no?
6. How to read the fool’s journey tarot card in upright and reversed position.
7. The fool tarot card meaning in past, present and future.
8. The meaning of the number 0 (zero) and 22.
9. Interpretation of astrological zodiac sign.
10. Meaning as feelings.
11. The fool tarot card art and history.

The fool tarot card meaning: Description and symbolism
When we take a first look at the art of fool’s journey tarot card, we immediately notice the bright yellow sun light, the worm rays, the orange – yellow sky and the lite brown ground. The fool has loose and comfortable clothes with flowers patterns on them, mostly yellow which also matches the shoes` shade. Yellow symbolize enlightenment, happy feelings and positive energies.
The fool is ready to take the leap of faith – start a journey to the unknown territory. He doesn’t care if he will encounter obstacles down the road or dangerous situations in the way. He is ready to go no matter what will happen. In fact the fool doesn’t even think about the meaning these problems.
The fool doesn’t care too much about the material world. He collected just the necessary items and packed all his little possessions in a small bag, holding it with his right hand. On the left hand he is holding a beautiful white rose. It means the willingness to scarify and devotion to the spiritual path of life.
Look at his face directed forward and up to the sky, they are full of inspiration, vision and confidence in the current moment. He is free of fear but also innocence because he isn’t aware of the fact that bad things might happen during the unknown journey.
He is standing on the hill, one step before the deadly abyss, caught in the moment. He trusts the universe that everything will turn on the right and positive side. The white dog is barking and jumping, trying to warn him about the chasm. The snowy white mountains and hills from behind also represent a potential slippery outcomes.
The fool is in movement, he is not just standing there, he took the first step and willing to take many more steps in order to complete the journey. In the end he is seeking meaningful spirituality, to be developed to a higher self. However, right now he doesn’t know exactly how to achieve it. There is no plan, no logical calculations, not even knowledge nor experience. Just the element of fire – the burning desire to go forward.
When we look at the fool’s face we can’t really recognize if it’s a man or a woman. That interpretation means it has both the male and female energies, working together in symbiosis.
The fool tarot card meaning as Personality (Persona)
The fool is a free spirit that has no worries, doesn’t always aware of dangerous and the consequences of his action, too impulsive, acting before thinking. This is why the fool needs help when making big decisions.
He is just like a little kid who is very curious and loves to explore everything about the world. He knows he will make mistakes and it will hurt a lot. Yet it doesn’t stop him from taking an action. He likes the experiences of life whether they are good or even bad. He can learn from each situation and grow wiser and stronger. His main goal is to go after the possibility, even if it doesn’t look very clear or doable at the current phase.
The art of celebrating the joy of life. Admiring the beautifulness of the little things, very positive, optimistic and looking at the bright side.
Flexible, can adapt to most situation. He doesn’t have a solid philosophy or principle he must apply, other than been carefree. He still doesn’t have a strong personality and foundations. He is waiting to be shaped by the future experiences.
He is new to this world; he doesn’t always play by the social norms or cultural rules. Mainly because the fool doesn’t knows the meaning of most of them yet. But after the experience is gained the personality will be shaped on the positive way.
What does the fool card mean in love and relationship reading?
The fool card in love and relationships is meaning a huge surprise. You might encounter your lover in a sequence of events that you never would predict, out of the blue. For example, a new stranger that comes into town, new neighbour or new work colleague.
It can also indicate that there is a person that is close to you, but you haven’t really thought you two are compatible in terms of romance, or can go along together because you two have different personality traits. You will suddenly realise that it can happen.
When it comes to a new relationship there is a lot of excitement in the air, meaning fresh positive energy and optimism. While it might give you good feelings and joy, you also need to be caution a bit. You don’t see the whole picture and what you can’t see might hurt you.
There will be warning signs and it is advised to take in consideration every weird signal into consideration. Your friends and family might have an opinion about your new love relationship, please note that they are not jealous or want things to go wrong for you. They just care that everything will work on the good path.
Don’t be too much swept of your feet, in the end you will have to face reality. What you think about a certain man or woman and what is going on in real life are two different things. Once you encounter the polarity between the two, you might be very disappointed.
If what you are looking for is a long term relationship like marriage, than this is not a good tarot card. The fool’s journey tarot card is indicating the beginning but not the middle and the end. Things will change or develop. If you want this to success there is still a lot of work to be done. The person you are seeing right now is not looking for a commitment. Maybe in the future it will change.
If you are a woman the fool tarot card also stand for fertility. It might predict a pregnancy – start of a new life.
The fool tarot card meaning in work, career and money
New possibilities are coming in your way. This is the time to take action and do what you always wanted. Maybe you always wanted to change your career, maybe you want to work somewhere else or maybe to have your own business.
The main interpretation or meaning is that you need to go with what you believe in, even if there will be hard times during that period. Some people will not like what you are doing, they will try to stop you and change your mind. Situations like this need to be balance. On the one hand it’s good to listen to them, because they have other point of view and might teach you new perspective. On the other way don’t let it to discourage you from achieving the goal.
Understand that making a change related to work and money has its own risks. You can find yourself unemployed for a while or even loosing money. But when we are looking at the long term of the journey, in most cases there will be a success.
The fool tarot card meaning health
Regarding health, the fool tarot card meaning is good physical conditions.
If you were sick before, the interpretation is that the illness might begin to disappear and you suppose to feel much better.
Another possible meaning and interpretation is regarding to health is physical accident. As you may very well know by now, the fool is taking risks without thinking about them too much. The fool is on the verge of the cliff and if something will go wrong he will slip down.
Is the fool a good tarot card or is it bad?
Basically the fool’s journey is a good tarot card, as the main meaning is a new beginning. Usually when we have something new in our life, it is exciting, gives us good feeling and very interesting and intriguing. At this moment we pay attention only to the good and positive aspects of the event. We normally drawn to the situation, don’t think too much about it and we don’t want to ruin it, just flow with the current.
However, nothing is perfect and you also need to be aware of dangerous situations that are a head of you. There will be warning signs of bad energies. Therefore the best practice is no keep an eye on what is going on.
Does the fool tarot card mean yes or no?
The fool’s journey tarot card is usually neutral. The card is symbolizing something fresh and new possibilities. It can turn bad or good depending or the steps you take during your journey. More often than not it is interpreted as a yes card.
The fool’s journey tarot card upright meaning
Upright keywords: new beginnings, freedom, originality, foolishness, spontaneity, travel, adventure, leap of faith, careless, innocence.
The upright meaning of the fool tarot card is about taking risks in order to improve your situation and gain more of what you really want in life. Every one of us has certain desires and personal goals that we want to pursue. So if this card show up in a psychic reading than it is a good time to start a new adventure.
You have to be brave and face your inner demons and fears. Although the card is generally positive, the road to happiness is not easy and you will encounter some problems. From that reason it is very crucial that you will have faith and believe in yourself. Believe that you can do it, even if right now it is not very clear how, you will find the solution. Even if everyone around advice or telling you that you will fail, don’t listen to them too much and go only with your inner true.
Don’t look back on past experiences. Even if you had bad moments, don’t let them hold you from changing your situation. Remember the lessons you have learned and just keep on go forward all the way.
The fool’s journey tarot card reversed meaning
Reversed keywords: lack of direction, chaos, naive, reckless, lack of direction, poor judgement
When the tarot card is being spread upside down (reversed), it means that you jumped too far without thinking about the implications of your action, this might put you in trouble. As shown graphically in the fool tarot card, he is standing right before the cliff. Every big step or reckless movement can bring him to death.
Even if the fool tarot card is showing in reversed it still means a new beginning, but something is holding you back. For example it can be fear of the unknown future, failure and inability to make decisions.
The reversed meaning in love and relationship: if you are single than you are not ready for a long term relationships, you will not find term partner. If you are already seen someone that he or she doesn’t ready to make a commitment. They just want to have fun and fool around.
With money and career, when the tarot card is reversed, beware that no one is taking an advantage or you. For example someone can offer you a bad business idea or shady investment opportunity. And in the end you will lose lots of money.
The fool tarot card meaning in past, present and future
When we relate to the past, the meaning of the fool tarot card is that you have wasted lots of time and energies on people or work or relationships that you are no longer interested in. you had enough with all of this and you are looking for something different.
The present: right now you need a change, you don’t know if it will turn out to be good or bad. You are standing on a crossroad, you need to make a choice and just go for it. Things are looking too complicated right now, this is fine and you will have to address those issues but not right now. The most important thing is that you’ll move on to the desired direction.
The future: the fool tarot card is mainly concern about the present moment. But it can give us a little projection on the future as well. In the future you will have to invent yourself, adapt and be very flexible. When you will see a new opportunity, don’t hesitate and don’t go back to your old habits, which are holding you back.
The fool tarot card number meaning
The fool tarot card is a part of the whole 22 major arcana cards. It referred to key number 0 (zero), meaning the first in the deck. But it can also be placed at the end – key number 22. Because of that fact, the fool symbolizing the beginning and the end of a life cycle. Further more, the cycle is endless so in theory it goes in never-ending loop forever and ever, repeat itself to the eternity.
During our life, we will go through the 21 keys or elements of the fool’s journey. We will meet people who will teach us lessons about life. We will change our behaviour and feelings in order to continue with the journey. So in the end we will go back to the very first place that it was all begun, but now we are different in the way that we are wiser and stronger. It is more like spiritual voyage of self discovery.
The word fool in French language means a sack that is full of air, not with material objects. This is the reason why everything is possible even if it doesn’t seem so. It is also a symbol of triumph.
The number zero in numerology represents no limitation and lots of positive options to choose from. It is nothing and yet it is also everything together. The order of the numbers doesn’t apply to zero, as it all start afterwards. So there is no past for the fool, only future.
22 innumerology is great transformation energy. It is the ability to turn dreams and wishes to come true to the world of reality.
The fool tarot card astrological zodiac sign
The fool tarot card astrological zodiac signs are Aquarius and Pisces.
Aquarius is the 11th zodiac in astrology, mainly represents the element of water. Liquid flow that travel on earth. Strong current of water that can creates its own path by shaping rivers, lakes and the bottom of the ocean. Always on the move, looking for new adventure and can get bored really quick.
Pisces is a dreamer very much like the fool’s personality from the tarot card. They want to go somewhere, but they can’t decide what the right direction for them is. They have this conflict as depict in the zodiac sign – two fish, each one of them is swimming to another side. Pisces are also very emotional and control by their feelings.
In astrology the role of Uranus planet is to be like a clock, to awake us and get us doing things. This is very similar to the fool’s situation as described in the tarot card. There is some burning flame of fire inside of him that wouldn’t let him rest until he will find his answers. It is a call to take immediate action.
The fool tarot card meaning as feelings
As feelings, the fool’s journey tarot card gives us positive feelings. In most cases the answers to you questions are yes, there are good energies and positive vibes surrounding you. Even if the tarot card show in reversed it is still have bigger aspect of positivity with a minor challenge that stands in your way. In fact, it the ancient days of psychic reading the card was actually a joker – the most powerful item in the deck.
The fool tarot card art and history
Long time ago when tarot cards were used as a game and not for psychic reading, the fool’s card was the most powerful card in the deck. He was outside of the order and if you had it, you could protect and win the game.
Few hundreds year later the art of this tarot card was described more as someone who has unwanted personality in society, and therefore he lost all his magic and power. People didn’t want to associate themselves with this image. It was considered a negative energy and bad omen from the future. It symbolized unsuccessful life, misfortune and tormeneted feelings.
Later on, the fool’s image became a man of courage. Until that very day, the fool’s is still the hero card on the tarot deck. Although he is numbered 0 (zero) which mean nothing, he denotes new journey and possibilities, which is everything we need.
In many myths, legends and folklore story through history, the fool is actually the wisest person of all. He might look a little different or simple or even out of the common norms, but he knows better. Although at the beginning he didn’t had too much wisdom, his actions and failures through life, brought him new experiences and valuable lessons to learn from. All of this could happen just because of one thing: he wasn’t afraid to take the risk.
In fact, those who are dismissing him or don’t understand him, are the real fools because they don’t know how much wisdom he has to offer to the world.
Other names for the fool tarot card: joker, jester, clown, buffoon, folie, fov, il matto, le fou, and le mat.
Feel free to write your thoughts or questions in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

I am planning on post a google review on my LBS which I have had a bad experience at. Intent isn’t to scold them but to make a public review so others know about my experience and have more information when choosing this LBS over others. However I want to make sure I am not overreacting - perhaps all this is “normal” for a LBS nowadays.
TLDR:
First experience: Had bike fit - seemed to be ok/no issues with this experience. They needed to cut/rebleed new brake line and brake line was not run under handlebar groove to keep flush when I picked it up so had to undo/redo myself
Second experience: Needed seat post clamp and they charged me $20 for a $13 clamp. Also had them take a look at shifting and got charged $30 for hanger alignment and after rinding one block I knew this didn’t solve issue so turned around. They talked to me like I probably had no idea what was going on (explained what a hanger was to me, indexing, etc) and told me to call back and schedule an appt since they were closing for the day.
Longer Version: Bit of background on the shop - they mainly do bike fits but do offer service as well. There main business is getting you in for a bike fit and then helping you order a custom geo bike. I decided to go here for a bike fit last year.
First experience: Bike fit seemed fine (never had one before so can’t compare). It was very basic and took 20min with some measurements but I did feel a lot better. The guy seemed nice / knowledgeable enough. I did decide to swap handlebars for larger size and wanted to upgrade to carbon so we picked one out. The brake line was too short so it needed a new one and re-bleed. I have done this myself but decided to just let them do it as they said it would be done next day. Come back and pick it up and bring it home and notice they didn’t put the brake line into one of the grooves under the handlebar which keeps the line flush with the bar. Just felt a bit messy so I had to undo and redo tape myself. Total for this was $150 bike fit, $350 bar (Enve), and $40 for bleed. I would say 4/5 star as fit was good but the tape job was below average given they missed the flush brake line.
Second experience: Seatpost clamp broke so I go to my local Specialized shop and try to get a new one. The service guy there moves mountains trying to look for an old clamp to give me to get me home but just can’t find it so calls on a local shop to see if they have it. They do. It’s the same shop I went to get my bike fit at. So I head there and the guy says yes we have the clamp and ask if I know my saddle height. I say yes because you gave me a bike fit! He says something like “oh great you don’t need to go to Specialized then you can just come here”. So I am thinking sweet this dude is just going to give me clamp for free. Anyway he finds a clamp, puts it on, and I am saying thank you and he tells me I can take it for a spin to make sure it holds. Before that he also just goes that will be $20. And I honestly think he is joking but go oh ok let me take it for a spin quick and make sure its holding and then I will come back and he goes “why don’t you pay first”. Whatever, so I pay $20, take a lap and it is indeed holding so it’s fine. [I go home and look up this seatpost and it’s a generic Orbea one that is $13 on multiple websites….] Well my shifting was a bit funky all day too and I am taking a three day trip tmrw so I figure what the heck I will have them look at it. So I come back to the shop say clamp is working fine but wondering if you can take a look at my shifting - I can’t seem to dial it in. Now I have been riding bikes for over a decade and been wrenching my own for a lot of that. I know my way around a bike and certainly all the basics - indexing, RD adj, hanger alignment, etc. For whatever reason I could not dial in my old 105 shifting and wanted to see if they could help. So they put it in the stand and tell me my hanger is slightly bent. Then they start explaining to me what a hanger is….and honestly start to mansplain me (I am a male fwiw). I think they were just trying to be nice but not sure if it was old aluminum bike, the stickers on it, or the T shirt I was wearing but they definitely thought I didn’t know anything about bikes which is very frustrating. So they “fix” the hanger and its takes no more than 2min and I am ready to walk out the door and he goes “That will be $30”. Seemed pretty steep but w/e. I pay and start going back. I make it a block and the shifting might actually be worse lol so I immediately turn back around and say yea that didn’t fix anything and they put it in the stand again and then start teaching me about indexing……I am pretty fed up at this point and they try to tweak a few things, oil the chain (which pissed me off cuz I waxed it…), and then say its shifting ok in stand so if its still an issue schedule an appt for next week and we can do a deeper dive. Honestly thought they were going to charge me again…..but they let me walk out this time.
Did all this feel reasonable? The botched tape job, charging $20 for a $13 seat post clamp, and $30 for a quick hanger alignment that did not fix the issue? I was a bit bummed by the amount of money I have spent here and they were not willing to help me out. Seemed they were more interested in the transaction than relationship. Would I be overreacting by writing a say 3 star google review on this? Idk the whole situation was very off putting but don’t want to call out a local business if all this seemed reasonable.

I am planning on post a google review on my LBS which I have had a bad experience at. Intent isn’t to scold them but to make a public review so others know about my experience and have more information when choosing this LBS over others. However I want to make sure I am not overreacting - perhaps all this is “normal” for a LBS nowadays.
TLDR:
First experience: Had bike fit - seemed to be ok/no issues with this experience. They needed to cut/rebleed new brake line and brake line was not run under handlebar groove to keep flush when I picked it up so had to undo/redo myself
Second experience: Needed seat post clamp and they charged me $20 for a $13 clamp. Also had them take a look at shifting and got charged $30 for hanger alignment and after rinding one block I knew this didn’t solve issue so turned around. They talked to me like I probably had no idea what was going on (explained what a hanger was to me, indexing, etc) and told me to call back and schedule an appt since they were closing for the day.
Longer Version: Bit of background on the shop - they mainly do bike fits but do offer service as well. There main business is getting you in for a bike fit and then helping you order a custom geo bike. I decided to go here for a bike fit last year.
First experience: Bike fit seemed fine (never had one before so can’t compare). It was very basic and took 20min with some measurements but I did feel a lot better. The guy seemed nice / knowledgeable enough. I did decide to swap handlebars for larger size and wanted to upgrade to carbon so we picked one out. The brake line was too short so it needed a new one and re-bleed. I have done this myself but decided to just let them do it as they said it would be done next day. Come back and pick it up and bring it home and notice they didn’t put the brake line into one of the grooves under the handlebar which keeps the line flush with the bar. Just felt a bit messy so I had to undo and redo tape myself. Total for this was $150 bike fit, $350 bar (Enve), and $40 for bleed. I would say 4/5 star as fit was good but the tape job was below average given they missed the flush brake line.
Second experience: Seatpost clamp broke so I go to my local Specialized shop and try to get a new one. The service guy there moves mountains trying to look for an old clamp to give me to get me home but just can’t find it so calls on a local shop to see if they have it. They do. It’s the same shop I went to get my bike fit at. So I head there and the guy says yes we have the clamp and ask if I know my saddle height. I say yes because you gave me a bike fit! He says something like “oh great you don’t need to go to Specialized then you can just come here”. So I am thinking sweet this dude is just going to give me clamp for free. Anyway he finds a clamp, puts it on, and I am saying thank you and he tells me I can take it for a spin to make sure it holds. Before that he also just goes that will be $20. And I honestly think he is joking but go oh ok let me take it for a spin quick and make sure its holding and then I will come back and he goes “why don’t you pay first”. Whatever, so I pay $20, take a lap and it is indeed holding so it’s fine. [I go home and look up this seatpost and it’s a generic Orbea one that is $13 on multiple websites….] Well my shifting was a bit funky all day too and I am taking a three day trip tmrw so I figure what the heck I will have them look at it. So I come back to the shop say clamp is working fine but wondering if you can take a look at my shifting - I can’t seem to dial it in. Now I have been riding bikes for over a decade and been wrenching my own for a lot of that. I know my way around a bike and certainly all the basics - indexing, RD adj, hanger alignment, etc. For whatever reason I could not dial in my old 105 shifting and wanted to see if they could help. So they put it in the stand and tell me my hanger is slightly bent. Then they start explaining to me what a hanger is….and honestly start to mansplain me (I am a male fwiw). I think they were just trying to be nice but not sure if it was old aluminum bike, the stickers on it, or the T shirt I was wearing but they definitely thought I didn’t know anything about bikes which is very frustrating. So they “fix” the hanger and its takes no more than 2min and I am ready to walk out the door and he goes “That will be $30”. Seemed pretty steep but w/e. I pay and start going back. I make it a block and the shifting might actually be worse lol so I immediately turn back around and say yea that didn’t fix anything and they put it in the stand again and then start teaching me about indexing……I am pretty fed up at this point and they try to tweak a few things, oil the chain (which pissed me off cuz I waxed it…), and then say its shifting ok in stand so if its still an issue schedule an appt for next week and we can do a deeper dive. Honestly thought they were going to charge me again…..but they let me walk out this time.
Did all this feel reasonable? The botched tape job, charging $20 for a $13 seat post clamp, and $30 for a quick hanger alignment that did not fix the issue? I was a bit bummed by the amount of money I have spent here and they were not willing to help me out. Seemed they were more interested in the transaction than relationship. Would I be overreacting by writing a say 3 star google review on this? Idk the whole situation was very off putting but don’t want to call out a local business if all this seemed reasonable.

If you're reading this, I'm sorry you're here and going through this terrible "disease". I promise it gets better and it becomes more manageable. We tend to work our lives around this. Everyone is different and I'm just sharing part of my story that has recently come to light.
Now onto something that had recently come up at work (I work in healthcare) and some background information. I've been having a "flare up" of menieres and vestibular migraine symptoms, but have only truly been diagnosed with menieres. Prior to Covid, I had my symptoms under control and was able to eat whatever I wanted, but lived a generally healthy lifestyle. Also as someone that works in a major healthcare facility they have started mandating flu vaccines. I have always opted out of getting them until they started mandating us to get them yearly and a simple doctors note was no longer enough.
November 2021 I was given flu vaccine (normal vaccine) then in December 2021 I had my first infection of Covid 19. By January 2022 I was having a flare up of similar symptoms that I am having today. Symptoms ranging from severe vertigo (think drop attacks), slight dizziness, ringing in the ears, ear fullness, migraine, light sensitivity, and sound sensitivity. The drop attacks and any sort of vertigo would last seconds up to a minute at most. I was given a single IT steroid injection (that's what controls my MD). It didn't stop any of the vertigo I was having, but I simply would wait it out because back then I was worried that if I continued steroid injections they would one day not work at all for me. These symptoms would last till April-May 2022. Things would be under control after that.
July 2022- I get my second Covid infection and yet continued to have menieres symptoms under control.
November 2022, I decided to try to go vegan and vegetarian for awhile to see if I could eat healthier and improve some other health issues. I opted to get egg free flu vaccine. No issues and continued to have symptoms under control.
November 2023, I go to get flu vaccine and planned to get egg free version as I did previous year. I'm no longer eating vegan or vegetarian but have continued to eat a healthy lifestyle and work on just eating a balanced diet. The nurse decides to tell me I should get regular version of flu vaccine because egg free version actually has more "live" virus in it. So I take her advice and get the regular version as I did in 2021. By January 2024, my symptoms are back out of control. All the previous symptoms as I did in 2021 except I had also aura with migraine. February 2024, I received another single steroid IT injection. I also stopped hormonal birth control (due to having aura). Only thing resolved was aura and ear fullness.
It's now May and I feel my symptoms are finally starting to resolve once again. It've been over a week since I've had a drop attack. It's been 4 months since I've drove a car. I'm 4 sessions into physical therapy. Have had 1 perfect brain MRI. 3 failed migraine medications and 2 other medications I have not yet tried due to wanting to wait it out. My coworker decides to ask me about the flu vaccine and if I had it. She has severe vertigo from her flu vaccine (she doesn't have MD). This is how I have linked all this together. I will not be getting the flu vaccine anymore. I'm guessing it creates an uptick of inflammation in my body. 2025, I will fight to decline it and see if I have the same reaction next year.
We are all in charge of our health- we have to advocate for ourselves in what we feel is right for our own situation.
I'm not here to tell you to get it or not to. This is just my encounter with it. I'm not pro vaccine nor anti vaccine. I'm curious to know if anyone else here has a similar pattern of symptoms returning after vaccines or any medications? This is just some food for thought for those of you out there that are doing everything right but still not sure what's going on.

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I still feel very embarrassed for how I let her treat me and embarrassed that I didn’t know the relationship was toxic. If anything I learned a lot from this experience.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

So I ordered my first full basic set of female clothes while on hrt since February. I ordered black shorts, black leggings and a grey cami. I’ll order more now but it was a test. Back when I did this closeted when I lived with my parents I would ONLY do it when mom and dad were away because of either hospital or groceries or doctor appointments ect because mom and dad were extremely religious/ not understanding and would kick me out if they found out. The only reason I lived there was because I still loved them, rent was free, I had low self esteem and I felt the need to take care of them sometimes I feel like out of guilt. They passed away last year which now that I’m on my own I thought this is the time to finally be free, be me. And before when I dressed this way, I loved the feel, everything felt right but when I saw myself I saw a hairy man…like watching Mario in female clothes…just didn’t look right to me and it kinda made me sad. So today with hesitation I ordered some basic clothes to see how I feel and look…and for the first time…I feel like I look amazing…I feel happy, I almost cried…

TL;DR my boyfriend likes and masturbates to other girls sexy pictures on his secret IG account since he doesn’t get sexually turned on by me anymore after moving in together
I (27F) just found out my boyfriend (24M) has a secret instagram account where he likes other girl’s pictures on. And they’re not even OF models or celebrities, just regular accounts of girls who posts sexy pictures and thirst traps. I feel so betrayed and disrespected. He even hid the instagram app on his phone so it wont appear on his homescreen to ensure I wouldn’t see that he even has it installed.
For context, I looked through everything on the account and he wasn’t following anyone or had any followers at all. There were also no chats, no comments. There were only likes and the most recent one was a 44 week old post. I would say in total there would have been around 30 liked posts of girls either in bikinis or revealing outfits. Looked through the account and log in history and I was able to sum up that he recently just installed it again yesterday and previous to that he used it around 7 weeks ago. I also saw that he created the account September 2023 which would have been around the time we first moved in together but when I confronted him about it he said he’s had the account even before we were together and just recently reactivated it at that time which I don’t even know if it’s true because I don’t use instagram but that was the very first account history I saw that it was created last year.
We’ve been together 3 years now and been living together since September. I work in a call center and moved to a new city last year in July which was also the time he graduated and he visited me here before visiting his grandma and cousins and he stayed there for a month because he also wanted to enjoy his free time first before thinking about finding work.
I’ve always wanted us to live together because I hated needing to go home separately after spending the day together. We weren’t at the situation where we could do it because he was still in school and relying on his parents and I also was still living with my family. I would have moved out much earlier but I didn’t wanna be far away from him and it would have been a very long discussion with my family if I were to move out but still be in the same town (I’m asian) since it was also a fairly small town. I didn’t plan on getting a job from a different city right at the time he graduated. I actually quit my previous job earlier that year and it was just the best option I had during that time even though it did require me to be far away from him but I also really wanted to move away and just be independent. And in my head it all fell into place because I though he could just stay with me after his vacation and find a job in the same city. He was at a place in his life where he’s still trying to figure out what he wants to do and he still is. It also doesn’t help that he’s not sure if he wants to pursue a career with his degree. He was just really lost and he told me he wanted to start earning already because he wanted to help his family. So I told him he can try working in a call center for the meantime because where were from it’s basically the only job you can get that isn’t that picky with your educational background and doesn’t require any previous experience. The pay is also significantly higher than what he would get compared to an entry level position in other jobs. He wasn’t that thrilled because it would require a lot of talking and he’s the type to get stressed easily but I told him to just try it because I know it would give him some sense of accomplishment and would also boost his confidence and take some of his shyness away. Honestly I wanted him to get out of his bubble because I know it would help him in the long run. We’ve recently been having some fights these last few months because I noticed he kept getting short with me and was not that affectionate anymore and he wasn’t like that before. He said he’s just really stressed at work and sometimes when he comes home he just wants some alone time but he can’t because I’m always clinging onto him. But we’ve resolved that and compromised. I promised to check myself and not depend on him for everything and he promised he’ll be more attentive. It’s just that I’m also stressed from work and I tend to cling onto him because that’s where I find comfort but I understand that he also needs his alone time. And it’s been working we’ve actually been fine these past few weeks, he’s been more affectionate and I’ve been giving him space. But it all crumbled this morning when I saw his secret instagram. And it doesn’t help that our sex life ever since we moved in together had really took a turn. We used to have sex daily when we first started dating and at least 3-4 times a week over the years. But after we moved in it went from once a week to only once a month now. I admit that even my sex drive dwindled down because I have no energy after work and just wanna cuddle. It did make me a bit insecure that he wasn’t all that touchy anymore compared to before but I didn’t wanna make it an issue because I know I was feeling the same way although we were still affectionate like kissing, cuddles and hugging just no sexual advances. But I at least try to initiate sometimes not because I want to but because I feel like we need to be intimate at least especially if it’s been too long. And yeah maybe for some validation on my part that he still finds me attractive. When I confronted him about the secret account and the liking sexy pictures stuff he said it’s because he doesn’t really feel sexually turned on by me anymore because we’re together all the time and he needs to miss me a little for him to feel that way just like before. I did notice that whenever he leaves and visits his mom on his day off and when he comes back he initiates sexy time because he missed me even though he was only gone 2 days. He also said we moved in way too fast and he wasn’t ready yet but he did it for me because I wanted to. Essentially blaming me and making it out that I forced him because if he didn’t agree I would have been sad. And yeah he’s right I would have been sad and hurt but after that initial reaction I still would have understood. It’s not like I’m forcing him to stay although that’s how he feels just because whenever the topic of him leaving at some point makes me sad. I’m not emotionally blackmailing him but I can’t help it if that’s how I really feel and again I wouldn’t stop him when that time comes but of course I would still be sad. I knew he was gonna leave when he saved up enough and had time to figure out what he wants to pursue so I always knew it was coming. Part of me did want him here with me but it wasn’t just for that sole reason. I wanted to help him start somewhere earning money because he also said he didn’t wanna be a burden to his mom anymore like adding to the expenses when he could be helping. He said he feels trapped like he can’t leave because I wouldn’t approve or it’s not what I want even though I’ve never once said that I wouldn’t allow him to but for some reason that’s what he gets from my emotions as if I’m not allowed to feel sad about it. Going back to his secret account thing so he says it’s his way of fulfilling his needs since he’s not able to get it from me since he’s not turned on by me anymore. He wasn’t even defending himself and making excuses about it because he knew it was wrong. He even said that although he would never cheat on me with an actual person but there’s still no excuse with what he’s doing which is jerking off to pictures because he said it’s still somewhat cheating. I just can’t understand why he needs to resort to that when he could have just told me and we could have tried to work something out. When I told him that he said it’s because he knows I would have been emotional and hurt if I knew that’s how he felt that’s why he hid it from me in the first place. But it’s just so much worse finding out this way. I don’t know if it’s just me but if it were porn videos it wouldn’t have been an issue. It just really hits all my insecurities that he’s liking pictures of just regular girls wearing sexy clothes. And not even sl*tty outfits. Literally just regular clothes but revealing and posing in a sexy way. He always assures me that he still finds me beautiful no matter how I look after a stressful day but after what I just found out and him not sexually attracted to me anymore I just don’t know what to believe. Am I crazy that even after all that I still don’t wanna leave him? When I confronted him he was the one who was even telling me to fully realize what is happening and to not make excuses for what he did because that’s what I was doing. He wasn’t even defending himself and said I deserved a better guy who wants the same things I do. He said he still loves me but he feels stressed and trapped with our current situation and that I should stop being in denial and making excuses for what he did like I need to have some boundaries for myself and not be blinded by how much I love him. I’m just so confused and even after typing all this out I don’t know why I can’t let go

For reference, I'm taking HRT - Estrodot 50 patches and continuous Slynd.
1 month update: https://www.reddit.com/PMDD/comments/1c65pvo/zoladexchemical_menopause_1_month_update/
After a great first month, the second month has been tough. Shortly after my second injection I started to feel really tired and achey. And then all my symptoms came back. I've had brain fog, low mood with some outbursts of rage, some tears, hot flushes and no enthusiasm or motivation for anything. It felt exactly like being in luteal, except according to my cycle tracker I shouldn't have been in luteal, and it felt like I was getting ready to bleed. Then the pain started and my period came. It was validating in a way as it confirmed to me that I know my body and I know when these hormones are F'ing me up.
I've been bleeding for about 10 days now. It's a light flow so that's something at least, but I'm not sure what's going on. I don't know if the second injection just didn't work (the nurse injecting said she hadn't done one for a long time and didn't seem to know what she was doing) or if this is to be expected at this stage of the treatment. I do know bleeding in the second month isn't normal so I will probably speak to my doctor about this if it doesn't stop soon. I also wonder if my HRT needs tweaking as I've been aching in places I didn't know it was possible to ache.
I've gained a bit of weight around my hips and thighs, but not around my waist or anywhere else. I assume this pattern is due to the HRT. And also because my diet hasn't been great while I've been so tired.
I started to feel better yesterday and I'm feeling more focused and with it today, so hopefully that's the end of the luteal-ness for a while.
I will say though that, apart from the level of achiness, the side effects have been no worse than the usual luteal phase stuff.
I have my third injection tomorrow. I'll update again at 3 months, which is the point at which my gynae said I should expect to feel the full benefits.

Looking for a (weird?) wife, and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to have multiple wives or not I am saying this for your due consideration.
I have dark hair white skin, am underweight 5’6 with acne scars
NSFW questions in DMs bc Idk if its allowed to talk about on this sub. details in DMs for this reason unless i get confirmation that it's ok.
I have autism, OCD, ADHD, synesthesia and others (all self diganosed but i have obvious things idk if i should get into that)
I don’t mind piercings, I enjoy them, but someone is not more or less attractive for not having them. I don’t like gauges and some of those extreme circles and cuts. I don’t have any body modifications nor had planned to make any.
I don’t mind tattoos at any place either besides health concerns n I doint have any either.
I don’t like when ppl have big round lumps of flesh that stick out, I do mean big, small/medium maybe ok or even attractive
Need to find her attractive without make up – yes I do mean without make up and there are women who I find attractive without and I do mean without make up of any age. I don’t think I care if she wears make up or not, but I have concerns it’s toxic and the other one if I turn out to be hypersensitive or irritated by it because I am autistic.
I don’t care about race or ethnicity or nationality or anything or location.
I don’t mind how she decides to cut or dye her hair, besides that im concerned about toxins and damage, but I am not imposing on her.
I like appreciate and enjoy alternative fashion (and before it was cool), ive also liked fashion that some alt people have called “too basic" (which may partially be their own insecurity), i just like what looks good. There is fashion I find too basic and kind of anti fashion in that sense too maybe bc I feel like is what people who don’t want to be judged for being anything thats not basic would wear. I don’t like it when people are mean to others based on what they wear or other pointless hierarchical stuff like that.
I don’t recall ever saying “cover up” (regarding clothing), especially wouldnt say it in an imposing way I don’t like to talk in impositions that kill a person’s invidivuality or there’s smth like you know that feels like it kills you when someone commands you. I don’t like to impose on people in that way.
If she cheats, Im not gonna attack, physically emeotionally or otherwise abuse , im not looking to hurt someone I love (besides BDSM and that stuff you know). Men have been allowed to have many wives but wives only 1 husband. I didn’t become christian bc I wanted to opress or restrict women but I believe bad things happen when you sin.
Is reflective and tries to not mistreat others
body count? Isn’t it irrelevant if she’s the right one, I never cared if she’d be a virgin until I understood more about christianity and the spirit world.
I need to be properly emotionally supported, and I want and hope to be good in her life too. I can also have irrational emotions where ik now something is not so but I am procsesing those emotions a certain way you know.
I am interested in very dark and mature topics and things, even if there are times where I may not be able to handle them properly.
Ive been interested in esoterics, occult and c0n5p1r4c135 and I do believe the c0n5p1r4c135 are real and this is important to me.
I don’t care if she talks to others to men or has male friends, idk if I even carei if she’s flirting, there’s no intention to cheat so why would I care??
I can flirt with others too but I haven’t done it much out of concern of leading them on + it doesn’t by itself have any intentions to do anything further. i can be possessive but it will be in the cute way and it can be fun to tease or be teased like that maybe idk but i dont want ot be abusive posessive.
i have female friends she can have male friends that doesn't mean anything and i find the discussions regarding that ridiculous, maybe very low vibrational or of low conscience. i havent done anything with any of them ever except with 1 who is kinda like a relationship but there's painful and difficult topic and even then not physically tho we never met physically.
If its God’s will for her to be with me and she messes up then I will just forgive her. I don’t care to check her phone besides out of curiosity, I think all those games are very below me and maybe obviously should be below anyone who claims to be in a christian marriage, granted im careful regarding eating my words.
I have to eat mostly carnivore diet with vegetables, some fruits and carbs sometimes for my health, but I have nothing against vegans if they are actaully healthy, also I know a lot of ppl can not be healthy on a vegan diet based on long story also some even on the carnivore maybe, im open to sharing details at some point but maybe not worth it here.
ethically wild, I can handle dark humor, I have enjoyed it and used it a lot myself, im not legalistic christian (if you know what that is) but im still trying to be right than wrong so I want discernment on the issue and how to handle it, if smth is actually wrong then I will try to just not do it.
I don’t care if she shaves or not.
I don’t like it when ppl make the same kind of jokes or have the same locked in interests that don’t evolve or aren’t inherently somehow stimulating and genuine. For example ofc I understand enjoying the same food or listening to the same music (except ofc that can get old at some point). I understand what feels samey to a person can vary between people and across time, but I don’t think I mean that. If a bunch of ppl make the same kind of jokes and turn it into something hierarchical and baisc, like they think everything else is dumb cuz theyh aren’t open to perspectives, ideas, growth and improvement hence they fixate on doing the same thing thats too bland over and over.
A lot of ppl have very juvenile if thats even the right word mentality to look down on others for vapid reasons including interests, when you don’t even understand them. while ive had those intrusions I figured its wrong and foolish to just give into such a lowly hostile urge, whilst I understand being overwhelmed and misreacting/just getting mad at smth for no raeson but u can figure out u shouldn’t be mad or its not that deep.
Ive looked donw on ppl for thing I saw as them being lowly about it like getting high off of the same joke instead of improving ur brain cuz I think u can even feel like when u are stupidifying urself and ingoring improvements just to do the same thing over and over again, like u can prolly feel like smth inside telling u maybe u should look elsewhere now or this could be betteur losing cognition bc ur stupidifying urself. I understand again being overwhelmed and looking for some stability but I don’t think that susually it. Al ot of those ppl may be doing the same stupid things to be liked by others and t hus disingenuous to their real self, bc as soon as u start growing improving going in different directions ppl start getting weirded out and ostracizing u. I look down on that.
I don’t need her to shave. Idk if I wont find some body hair too extreme, but so far I haven’t
! respect boundaries. If one of us doesn’t want something or anyhthing at all be it months or years even that should be respected. This is for love first not exploitation. Not any exploitation from either side and look for each other’s well being.
I want to have her walk around the place flashing me, trying to tease me and show off her body in various and subtle ways. She can be naked too if she wants or wear anything she wants
I think how someone moves can be very attractive and also developed, this goes for me too
I want to learn to dance so we can have fun and I can arouse her
I think women have qualities and do things in a way I value, enjoy and admire
I think men and women have different patterns in positive and negative ways (with individual differences of course too) and analysing them and acknowledging them with honest attempt to understand is not wrong, while exploitation abuse and denial is wrong.
if im smarter than her I recognize she can have important and valuable things to say, similarly if she’s smarter than me she also doesn’t know everything and isn’t abusive about it
about money, I have wanted money to help myself and others, not out of greed I think.
I have thought of if I need or have to or if its better to to live in the right kind of community. Takes a village to raise a child but maybe even to function, maybe the people who function not in it are the abnormal ones. I don’t think of a cold community or one that forces warmth and makes you sick, there’s a kind of higher understanding or spirituality.
I don’t mind if she’s richer smarter or more competent than me. I however want to be richer smarter and more competent regarding improving myself and growing, not to feel less insecure than her, and of course I want those things so ican be able to support her and others too anyway.
I don’t mind if she’s a girlboss or not or whatever I think its irrelevant and If she has gifts and drive and doing God’s will why would that be bad? Of course I don’t want her to be stressed out
I don’t wear deodorant or fake odors, maybe if they were natural or non toxic. I also don’t like perfume and would prolly prefer if she doesn’t use it but idk.
I think children are a very serious matter, over time in my life I was thinking about how I’d do things differently and how I’d treat children and communicate and teach them, and I’d feel like I’d see how other ppl are failing children and also children are not attempting to learn how to treat their future children or other children or ppl better like it’s weird but I think someone is going to get what I mean. Bc of my physical and mental issues I am concerned how well I wil lbe able to take care of children of course I hope to improve and God to heal me.
I don’t want my weird movements adjustments or whatever to be judged.
I don’t mind pets or maybe even can enjoy them but again am a bit concerned about my health issues. I don’t have allergies to animals that I know of. I don’t like making their health worse I don’t like selective breeding for that reason unless you’re selecting for improving health maybe.
I am usually not afraid of bugs but I don’t like killing them. If its pests like bed bugs or some kind of infestation it can make sense, but I don’t like killing random harmless spiders or others. Maybe if harmful even I’d prefer to take them away. No im not afraid of bees or wasps esp if they are alone or very small numbers, tho I may prefer to not be around a hive.
emotionally sophisticated and doesn’t criticize my whining, while my whining isn’t attempting to get her attention, pull or control her. If I need some sort of emotional support I can ask and if she is able to provide it then she is, and if she has to prioritize something else I understand and I mean I genuinely understand. Emotional support should be mutual and not leeching. I understand it may not be completely equal or if its not possible to be, but we should both care as much as we can in our respective situations.
needs to care about her health, I don’t mean exercise and exercises can be damaging and forced too, thus again neesd to care to even know of that/unless she’s managing to be really fine anyway. I am not against smokers or alcoholics, but I’d prefer it if she stops. I want her to be happy and healthy.
If she’s over or underweight bc of health issues I understand
I don’t drive part related to health issues and concern it may be too dangerous for me to drive.
God first. I don’t believe anything works without him.
I won’t k1ll her if she cheats nor 4bus3 her. I am saying bc I thought some men hide things and reveal them after they are deep. I don’t want ot be like that.
Ive had emotional and rage issues about perceived injustices (towards me and others, even when im not lcose to them or don’t know them. I have thought and speculated maybe I care more with strong emotions about ppl that I’ve never met or are very far away than most people directly that I have observed and felt out of place for it.) and I know sometimes I wasn’t actually right other times I wanted to know what is the right thing to do say and experss cuz I had thoughts like if I hurt them they wont get better, they may even get worse, I don’t even enjoy hurting ppl especially in the brain or if its smth permanent (even if I believe God can heal, ive even had angry thoughts ofc like if He can heal why don’t I beat these wrong doers up cuz they have no qualms about doing it to others unfairly He can just heal them, I also thought if I had the right words and perception I could lead them away from their wicked ways) , and sometimes I wasn’t able to, ive physically hurt people out of being pushed too much and rage and with that I think I have let people off and not confronted them a lot in part bc I wasnt sure if I was even right to confront them other parts bc ofc of fear they will mistreat me if I reveal I think what they did or said was wrong instead of discussing it and thinking about it/ they already expressed they didn’t care or justified it in twisted ways that im not sure I could argue with or if thats even human.
I have to live and I think everyone in a spacious place. Too narrow will cause muscle issues and variety of issues that will worsen over time you are not sick becaues you are old you are sick because you ignroe and distort your body. I didn’t last long at all, some ppl last longer than me just to make excuses that im lazy + their brain melts and they don’t use it much anyway so superficially they last.
Im anti v4xx I think a lot of health info is a scam and ive experienced it and saw others experience it, I think some things can be true or not have better ways at a moment to deal with some issues but it doesn’t mean its not inherently flawed or manipulated information to make u a lil bit less sick or make u sick in a different veiled way even if it makes it “better” in some kind of way, I don’t mean its ok to let someone die or suffer more bc of too much skepticism, my point is I believe in honesty and integirty cuz u cant heal soemone with lies,
and medicine like other sciences is corrupted . be careful and discerning unfortunately u cant leave ur health in the hands of conventional doctors u have to research and fight for urself.
I have experienced various synchonicities. I think God has helped me and guided me.
Throw things away and tidy when we’re ready to. Tired or health issues is not the same as lazy. No tartorship or tyranny about it. Im not growing black mold either ofc
if a woman gets SA’d, and she doesn’t want to tell exactly what happenned, but she wants help, is it right for her to be upset at you and hide information, provided you live in the 20^th century without internet and much media information, and if you don’t have personal experiences with SA or almost anyone has ever talked about it to you in your life, and you are just confused at why this person is refusing to communicate, and u have to take care of this and that issue, yet u don’t know if they are mad at u even for something that’s not even your fault or related to you if that happens a lot, then then u pressure her too much and now she’s hurt, you didn’t even think to make the situation accessible bc u’ve never even heard about that. If someone has an issue and they don’t tell your previous experiences and imagination so far suggest that they have stolen smth or messed up smth and don’t want to talk out of selfishness, not even bc they are scared of you.
I think I have went through humiliation, and doing things I didn’t want to, and failure to do what I wanted and weakness, to the point of not being able to process things and I think losing braincells and personality bc of it, trying to recover it and my functioning and health. I think most ppl are too fake and superficial, not learning anything maybe. Not reflecting, not trying, if they have gone throuhg something like that I think some people amy be just letting themselves go insane and hurt others while in denial instead of processing it, while I understad how difficult is to process it especially when people around you shame you and oppress you for it. I think I need someone who has at least the cognitive understanding for that. I don’t want to put others down for enjoying things.
Ive liked variety of media and art over time, vareity of criticising it and ideas of improving it too, and lately after understanding more about the world and Jesus Christ some of it was interestingly seen in different light. Also over the years I may have seen media nad the world in different light. I have synesthesia autism, adhd and maybe some form of OCD, besides maybe others. I’ve beebn able to induce things in my mind and some information that seemed so obvious to me others had said they realized from psychedelics, you have probably already heard some people’s minds can work like that too. Well some of the media is ofc immature since it doesn’t align with christian principels that seem true after trying to understand more and and a lot of the media is for brainwashing
ive wanted to do art music dancing and others but have struggled with health issues that I hope to resolve. If she wants to do any I am generally worried about toxicity from paint so I wouldn’t use it and wouldn’t recommend using it.
Semi ex astrologer. Bc im not sure if its all considered divination since I’ve had synchonicities related to it that I’ve felt like or wondered if God sent them to me. I do think He communicates with us somehow in various ways.
I think its importan tto be able to explain to a child why something is or isnt a certain way, bc I felt alienated from a lot of christians who just seemed to “know” things and judge things as evil or whatever with no explanation and cringe when I ask for one. I als orealize it can be hard to talk about, both bc of the content, how traumatising can be to think about again and again from an adult’s perspective + being too busy or struggle too much, not able to expalin anyinthg and everything one thinks.
I have health issues that can make it hard to think or process emotions bc of maladjustment in my cranial bones related to the whole body and pinched nerves and wiring issues, that I hope to resolve , and may need miracle healing for some of the damage, this is also why i write this way in the state i am its difficult and straining to write and use the exact corrects words and format everything in perfect order
I don’t want to hold her back from God in any way.
I sought for spiritual answers if spirituality was real until I started figuring out more and then about witchcraft, but I observed patterns in my life regarding a sin I was commiting and other reasons that made me think that it can’t be a coincidence any more + someone claiming he stopped m4g1c p0rt4l by saying “Christ is King” (but I will say Jesus Christ) and that the bible was telling the truth. The bible had upset me before in part due to things taken out of context and difficulty understanding, and of course Jesus does things a bit differently than the old testament, even if the law is still important, He teaches forgiveness.
I care a lot about the gifts of the spirit and the presence of God in my life but also in everyone else’s.
I think awareness or pcoessing of emotional nuance and self control are attractive as well as being free spirited but not exploitative
I don’t smoke or drink or do drugs I don’t even take medicine nor intend to for the most part, I don’t judge anyone who does but I’d discourage them. If my wife does I’d discourage her, I wont pester her about it unless I get discernment that I should and that it will be helpful, but I won’t judge her and I never judged anyone who did, except when they were hypocrites. I have never ingested more than a small cup iirc, if even that from alcohol and only on occassions, and then barely on any occassions. I have never smoked a cig or a joint or anything besides 2^nd hand air. I stopped taking medication for illnesses years ago and I only took sweet drugs as a child bc they were sweet after being told not to.
I have however engaged in various parts and ways of PMO for various reasons
I think everything we have is given to us by God, or if we eorked for it opportunities or what was needed to achieve it was also given, so no one can be proud.
I have done weird things for health, personal amusement and other reasons includingi finding people who may relate and enjoy them but have been accused of attention seeking and I find that deeply repulsive because im sorry for trying to find people to connect with? I didn’t push things that others arent intersted in on them, I was jst trying to exist, some ppl don’t make the difference bc they have a really small world and don’t even think about others much and why they do what they do thus make the wrong assumtpions and attempt to harass and antagonize you. I find that very repulsive simultaneously ive known what other people’s intentions and results of actions and thoughts would be, and they would be confused and hostile towards me for acting like I know them, but I DID. And what I thought would happen happenned so I was just used and hurt and bc they are soo deep in to their own mess they don’t realize what they are doing wrong and a lot of the time don’t even remember that I said what would happen. Ive spent too much time and effort on ppl hoping they would change. I am not looking to be used up by a partner nonetheless. I don’t pretend to know everyhting or be perfecct but I think some ppl are so lost, esp after ive been also judged for my mistakes and not explained like I deserve respect so many times.
Narcissist abuse mention below line warning. Hoenstly you shouldn’te ven read it because I am concerned it may just upset you. I am posting it because I think its important to show that I am aware. Specifiaclly mentions narcissistic “whatever” podcast men who project it on the women.
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Ive had a habit over the years of engaging with media that infuriates me bc I overthink how to react in those situations bc I don’t understand how that in front of me can be a human being with a brain who cares about others and if I showed distress or anger I’d be judged and harassed for it again, despite them being harassers and controllers I nthe first place, and I am afraid of forgetting about it and walking into such situation and being unable to control it. For example the “whatever” podcast the narcissist men were saying in an imposing way how a woman only thinks for herslf bc she wanted to be aborted bc her mother didn’t have neough money to raise her. Obviously u need money to raise someone properly for various reasons, and if he himself odenst understand that a lot of ppl like that are controlling demanding and imposing, while bitter about the sacrifices their toxic environmetns forced them to make (or they made out of their own inferiority hopelessness and lack of faith) or weere actually spoiled, but bc of that they imposed themselves on other people bc I know such ppl and how they grow up and how they treat other children, and are “thankful for being alive”, but obviously don’t have enough empathy for someone who is emotionally intelligent and has struggled to not be exactly like them, bnc those ppl also harass and abuse minorities and vulnerable groups and I have storie about that dotn wanna get into, and they pretend they don’t know what im saying when I do. No I shouldn’t have to remember everything u did and ddi wrong with ur life to expali nto you how you are mistreating me and beg for you to stop. This is a narcissist. I don’t like abortion after understanding that it’s actually alive very early own and has a soul already I think or smth, but before I didn’t know that when I was more justifying it, but I can explain to someone, instead of abusing them into making them lose any ounce of respect for themselves, bc growing up in harsh environment can also often invite other people to mistreat you, even if not always the case.
Bc of ppl like that cotnrolling my own life Ive also had a lot of bitterness and thoughts of revenge and this is part realted to my health issues, and there’s evil that I don’t know if ppl do it just bc they don’t understand genuinely, bc its demons or bc they have to be done something actually important for. I knew better as a child than 30 something year old men, and I have all these issues and I am still better, how can they justify it now? So I have wanted discernment regarding what should be done about various issues. No I will not talk to you or bother you with the dark stuff over and over again I even try to avoid it or build self control bc it can make you go insane im just putting it here to show that I am at least aware and thoughtful of that.

Hi! I've been on an odyssey of metal discovery for the last few months. I'm not new to all metal, I got into nu-metal as a teen (showing my age here) and I found a few bands that I fell in love with along the way (Tool, Rammstein, and Volbeat for example) but I never listened to anything older, and I found that I just didn't enjoy the sound of more modern metal bands, so I just assumed I wasn't really a metalhead.
Weirdly, what got me exploring more metal was a random YouTube recommended video by Bradley Hall, where he does what 60 famous bands sound like to those who don't like them (recommended video btw, his impressions of Pink Floyd, the Beatles, and Blink 182 had me in stitches).
But I thought, I only know a handful of these bands, and the ones I was familiar with (like Metallica) I'd never actually listened to. So I set about listening to a lot of the bands he featured in the video, and went from there, learning all about metal subgenres, waves of metal and pioneering bands, and I feel like I discovered this whole new world that was under my nose this whole time.
My favourite subgenres (and bands) so far are heavy metal (Judas Priest - how have I never listened to Judas Priest?! Absolute favourite so far) and thrash, specifically 80s thrash (Slayer are my favourite, but found some amazing Megadeth and Metallica tracks).
My best friend is into black metal, and as soon as she knew I was looking into metal she spammed me with black metal recommendations. I wouldn't say that I'm nuts about black metal but I've learned to appreciate it on a certain level. Mostly, the history and subculture of black metal are what I find fascinating, and I've watched a few documentaries (about THAT band). Then I learned about first wave black metal, and I found I prefer that. (Early) Bathory are amazing, I listened to three albums straight by them the other night. For the later stuff, I found symphonic black metal (Dimmu Borgir) and folk black metal (Moonsorrow) pretty good.
Then, I discovered doom metal, which was pretty good but then I found epic doom metal like Crypt Sermon, which is really amazing stuff. I think I've played Key of Solomon by Crypt Sermon about 30 times in the last month.
So, finding all of this amazing music, both old and modern, made me think about the mainstream metal that I always hear about and tried to get into through the 2000s and 2010s but just couldn't get on with. Bands like Killswitch Engage, Trivium, Avenged Sevenfold, Lamb of God, all these kinds of bands, they tend to employ certain techniques, vocal styles, riff patterns etc that don't do much for me and I'm trying to figure out if there's a commonality, like are they the same genre? Or related genres? I keep hearing the terms "metalcore" and "new wave of American heavy metal" but I don't know if either of those apply to the specific trend of sound that puts me off. At first I just thought maybe I'm an old fart that only likes old music, but a lot of the stuff I've got into like Crypt Sermon, Phantom, Traveler, Hellripper, Mastodon (and even Ghost, but let's not open the Ghost can of worms lol) are modern bands. I'm not a fan of death metal style vocals, but I've learned to like the scratchier shrieking vocals of black metal (though some are a bit too high pitched and make me think of Gollum).
Anyway, just thought I'd share my thoughts, and if any recommendations come to mind, feel free to comment them!
My four best discoveries so far? Judas Priest, Slayer, Crypt Sermon, and Bathory.

(I understand this is a bit of a read so I included a tl:dr at the bottom)
This may end up becoming a wall of text so I apologize in advance. I'm not sure how to properly start this so I'll just jump into it. I've been living with my best friends for the past 8 years. The 4 of us moved in together in early 2016 after deciding it would be beneficial financially and because we all get along so damn well that we knew there wouldn't be any issues living under the same roof. Fast forward to today and although 2 them have moved out, I'm still living here with my one buddy and his girlfriend. Things are still great there, no signs of friendship deterioration, tolerance or anything that might cause friction between us. However, I've been witness to a few things as well as started experiencing health issues that have completely changed the outlook I had on life back when we moved in together nearly a decade ago.
A little over 3 years ago I began dealing with awful IBS issues that to this day are still not properly being treated as doctors can't figure out what's wrong with my gut. Over the past 4 months I have begun dealing with nearly debilitating anxiety that has left me pretty much unable to leave the house except for doctor's appointments or the extremely occasional outing to a family or friend's house where I'm only able to stay for about an hour before having to leave. I do see a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist and I am on medication for both the IBS and anxiety, which helps but is in no way a cure. Due to these issues, I have become a shell of the person I used to be. No longer do I wake up and just decide to take a drive to the Jersey shore, a trip to Six Flags or head into the city to catch a Phillies game. Instead, I sit in the house and play video games or watch youtube as doing almost anything else is sure to set my anxiety or IBS off which may or may not land me in the ER.
My buddy that I still live with has been through absolute hell the past few years but luckily he's the kind of person who can just raw dog life (as in, he doesn't deal with any physical or mental issues, rarely gets sick and has no trouble going anywhere, doing anything, can eat whatever he wants without issues, etc.). He lost his mom to cancer last year. She passed exactly one week after Mother's Day. She lived here with us for about the final year of her life. Me and him have been friends for a good 20+ years at this point so his mom was like a mother to me as well, especially being as I don't have a proper relationship with my own mother. Watching her suffer through years of cancer only to pass away at 54 years old was heartbreaking. At least she's finally at peace now, of course. Now, his dad is also going through cancer treatment which is a recurrence of cancer that was found years ago, which automatically makes it stage 4. His prognosis is not grim but to many of us, his dad just seems done with it all. He stays here with us on weekends and with his sister during the week. We can see how much of a toll it's all taking on him. He won't admit it but we know that he doesn't want to put his son through all of this again after losing his mom just last year. If he was given a choice to "go" right now, he would take it, 100% to alleviate any more potential suffering at his or anyone else's behalf. His (my friend's) girlfriend also deals with chronic health issues both physical and mental which has helped open his eyes to the things that other people (who can't just raw dog life) go through on a daily basis. She lost her father when she was in her early 20s so it's helpful to him that she understands what losing a parent feels like.
Watching all of this happen just makes me realize how little our health care industry and government actually seem to care about our true wishes regarding life and death. Why did his mom have to suffer all those years with a terminal diagnosis? Why does his dad have to suffer now? Just because they're both in their 50s and not elderly it seems like care is always about treatment and not giving them the option to leave this life with their dignity intact. I myself would choose to leave this world if the door was opened for me. That does not mean that I am currently having thoughts of killing myself. It means that if the option was presented to me, to go out on my own terms, I would take it. Suicide is still extremely taboo in our society for some reason. Religion and government would have you think it is a crime against humanity but what is more humane than letting someone decide on their own terms that they're ready to move on? We are given this broad illusion of choice as children that we will get to grow up to be who we want to be and if we just try hard enough, we can accomplish anything. But for the vast majority of us, that is just not true. It is an illusion. We work and work and work just to barely earn enough money to survive and many end up in unhappy marriages solely because that's what society made them think they had to do as an adult.
Watching someone you love like family suffer and die will change you. Developing health issues that flip you from being someone outgoing, spontaneous. hard working and passionate into the complete opposite of those things will change you. Discovering that our healthcare system and government will do everything it possibly can to keep you as a "functioning member of society" no matter whether you're going through cancer treatment or dealing with chronic health issues will change you.
I'm 37 years old and I've never felt older in my life than I do right now. It's been almost 3 months that I've been on FMLA from work for the second time in 3 years. I'm wearing a heart monitor because my cardiologist wants to rule out any issues as my heart racing/palpitations are most likely just due to anxiety. Medication doesn't feel like it's doing much of anything and I'm watching the people around me grow older and deal with new problems every day. Yet our society says that we must keep going, no matter if you're suffering because the gears must keep turning. If we truly have the choice to do whatever we want to do in life, why aren't we allowed the choice to leave when we are ready? Why is it taboo? People kill themselves in horrific fashion every single day, more than once every *minute* worldwide. They want a way to fix that and the solution is right there in front of them. Give people the option to leave on their own terms. I've had plenty of conversations about this with friends and family and almost every single one of us would choose to leave on our own terms, when we are ready if the option were available. Hell, even my psychologist agrees with me on this. There's always a big debate about the ethics of it all but until you witness firsthand someone suffering and dying or begin dealing with your own health issues there really isn't any way to understand it. The vast majority of people are out there just raw dogging life and thoughts like these never cross their mind even once. But once it's brought up to them, they understand and accept it, at least in my own personal experiences from talking with friends and family. Ethics, health, religion, government, society, all of these things play a role in determining our fate. I just hope that someday a program is put in place so that people no longer have to suffer.
Finishing up, I understand that my condition is nowhere near as bad as what many others may be dealing with. Some people will look at me with disdain for wanting to walk through the door at only 37 years old while others will understand exactly where I'm coming from and feel the same. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I am appreciative of the healthcare system while also criticizing its flaws. I'm glad that religion provides so many with the means to live a happy and healthy life while also believing that many views (and laws) put forth by religious folk are vile and extremely outdated. I am glad that there are systems in place to help people in their darkest hours while also understanding completely why so many choose to leave. At 37 I still have plenty of my life left ahead of me, even if I don't want to get old. I still have things to look forward to such as video game releases or a new series to watch that keep me going. But I also acknowledge that there is a part of me that is ready to go. I have seen what life has to offer. I have lived with my family, on my own, while in a relationship and with my best friends. I do not want to get married or have kids. I do not want to work until I'm 65 (retirement age is likely to rise during my lifetime anyway). I do not want to get old and become a burden on anyone, either family/friends, healthcare workers or the average citizens who would have to pay for my social security.
Lose the illusion of choice and give people the option to go when they are ready.
If you managed to read through all of that, I just want to say thanks! Life is a beautiful thing and I am incredibly thankful for all of the amazing people I've met over the years and for the things that I've been able to do and see. This is not a post about wanting to commit suicide, it's main focus should be that we are forced into this world against our will and given the illusion of choice but when it comes down to it, we really don't have that much choice in how we live our lives and especially not when it comes to wanting it to end. Life can be incredibly fragile and many of us took that for granted until health issues decided it was time to show their ugly faces. I truly do not believe that feeling like you are ready to go should be considered taboo in any way. It should be something that everyone is provided a safe and comfortable space to discuss, whether with loved ones or medical professionals. For all of you out there just raw dogging life, I see you and I hope that someday I can get back to that, I really do miss being able to do whatever I wanted without a second thought. And of course, for anyone who knows what it feels like to be ready to go, to feel confident and comfortable with that decision, I see you as well and hope that the rest of society someday sees that as normal.
tl:dr I am 37 years old and over the past half decade I've watched family and people who were like family to me suffer and die from cancer or other health-related issues. I also deal with debilitating anxiety and IBS issues which obviously are nowhere near the level of something like cancer. However, I've discovered I have a feeling of "being ready to go" and I believe that people should be able to choose to leave this life with dignity and on their own terms without having to do something horrific. The healthcare industry, religious beliefs or government should not force us to remain here against our own free will just so we can keeps the gears of society turning. Let people leave on their own terms when they know that they are ready and get rid of the stigma surrounding talking about death.

I am 24M, she is 24F, we've been friends for 3 years.
A bit of context is required I met (We'll call her Sam) on tinder in early 2021. We chatted for a bit and I ended up getting her instagram and that's where we chatted from that point forwards. Initially we were talking everyday, if not back and forth, then maybe at the start and end of the day as we were both working. Eventually I asked Sam to grab a coffee, she declined (specifically she actually ignored it the first time i asked, I'm not sure whether out shyness, or distrust or whatever, but she made it clear that she didn't have a lot of free time due to study and work when i asked why she ignored it) we continued talking anyway, a few months later, I asked again, I got the same old tune of "i'm soo busy im sorry" kinda vibe and eventually I gave up asking but we remained talking, I still very much liked her and found her pretty.
The talking dwindled, sometimes she'd take 1 or 2 days to get back to me, days became weeks, then there were periods inbetween of hearing from her more freqeuntly, then back to a week, or a day, or several weeks, it fluctuated a lot. I had just accepted that, she probably saw me as an overseas friend (shes an international student) and wouldn't ever be interested in meeting. But still we remained talking, eventually it normalised to talking to each other about once a week, this continued for almost a year I'd say, we'd share occasional funny videos, respond to each others stories and just talk about life.
Fast forward to early 2023, I asked her if she wanted to finally meet up as we'd been talking more recently, and we did. We went to a bar, had some drinks, grabbed dinner and then walked around the city, it was a great night, I felt excited because we finally met each other in person and she was lovely, soft spoken, smart and pretty, she even asked me if I wanted to grab lunch with her the next day during her lunch, and we did, and i thought this is where things would take off, but after that day, things slowly drifted back to the way things were, it would be a year before I saw her again (just this last week) and before that, we had gone months without talking at times (I had an interesting year and a lot of distractions, I'm sure Sam did too) but we still remained talking somewhat, even talking about meeting up again eventually.
Fast forward to last week, we meet up (we tried to earlier but I was going through some heavy stuff for the last 5 months that left me disinterested in taking care of myself, let alone trying to "date") we grabbed dinner, and the night was just great, conversation flowed, we were buying rounds for each other, whilst we were eating she at times would just plonk stuff from her bowl into mine and would tell me "try this", "try that" etc, we then went to get some cocktails at some different bars, we were chatting about music, cars, our lives and stuff, I was smitten by her, we then went and got ice cream and we were sharing them with spoons and then I walked her back to her apartment, hugged, said goodbye (we also promised we'd see each other soon). I was sold that I really liked this girl, shes gorgeous, I love her energy, her sweetness, she is quite literally a breath of fresh air in an unfortunate dating history of mine where I've been strung along/lied to. I LIKE this girl a lot. I can't get her out of my head, we talked a bit the next day, and now the talking is starting to diminish again, for example we spoke on sunday, then she didnt respond to me til yesterday, which was just a video (she didn't actually reply to anything I said, which isn't totally unusual she has done that before) and I'm just stuck wondering what she thinks of me, everyone I've spoken to said that was a date.
I was going to send her a message the night of that basically would have said that I have feelings for her, and I would want to know if im barking up the wrong tree looking for a relationship with her but was talked out of it by a friend, but eventually I'll have to say something, whether that results in her not wanting any kind of serious relationship or not, I just need to get this off my chest. Any tips for me? Feel free to ask any questions, this is a rather layered story. I know some of you are probably thinking, 'the fuck is wrong with this guy? shes clearly not interested' or 'shes using you' but like man the date/catch up was genuinley so good, that's why im so fucking confused. Is it me? is it her? What should I do?
btw we have agreed to see a movie sometime in the next two weeks. aswell go out to dinner w some of her friends eventually too
TLDR: I have talked to this girl for 3 years, we have met up 3 times, i have feelings for her and the label to what we are is unclear, I need advice on how to admit to her i have feelings without scaring her away, and peoples opinions on whats going on here.

Posting as I am reflecting that I've been too hard on myself, and posit that others are too. Not looking for advice really, I guess commiseration?
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Today I've relied almost entirely on pre-pumped milk, extended with formula (in roughly a 2/3rds milk, 1/3 formula mix). And my anxiety is SO down, I'm sipping a glass of wine, baby napping easily in his carrier...I feel like I can breathe! Why is it so HARD to let myself have a break like this??
I began my BF journey thinking 'I'll do it at least 3 mo, and aspire to 6', but the more I read the more I learned the health benefits, and once I actually had the baby, I saw for myself how challenging it can be (or at least feel) to build and maintain supply. Soon I was caught up in a world of stressful cluster feeding, pumping in off moments, sudden appearance of a slacker boob, etc. By chance, a friend without children was wrongly delivered a sample of formula, so I had 2 sample formula cans kicking around that I mostly ignored...I felt like the formula was taunting me, and scorned it as inferior. A failure of my supply!
Anyways, my baby boy is only 9 wks now and the past week he's been cluster feeding during the day (probably a result of his sleep becoming more consolidated). This cluster feeding was causing LO to get really upset from around 3pm - 7pm, where he'd be crying too much to latch, and it's not always clear if the issue is intestinal, him being over-tired (he doesn't always nap well), or him being hungry. I'd get just as frustrated as him, and have many moments of having to put the baby down and leave the room. Which...I never thought would be me, but there I was. And today we had to go to the US embassy (I live abroad) to register his birth, with an appt too early to do a full feed for assuming his usual sleep pattern, so I knew I needed at least 6oz bottle ready for us, to feed on the bus (he's a greedy bottle eater!) if I wanted him in a good mood for the embassy. I hadn't pumped enough overnight, so had no choice but to supplement with formula.
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After that spritely start to the morning, I had less inhibition supplementing the rest of the day. And thus it's now with my break, and a glass of wine XD, I finally see what about his afternoon feeding situation was getting me so frustrated/angry. When he's too upset to latch, I had always been self aware enough to realize that my irritation stemmed from (a) I don't know what too do, and (b) I feel on some subliminal level like he's rejecting my breast/milk, and because that milk takes so much effort, it really triggers something. But you can 'known' a thing, and not 'feel' a thing. Today in the same situation I just giving him 'fortified' breast milk... and... a fraction of the stress. It was SO clear just how much (b) was really getting to me. I'd already figured out (a) after the first few days--I could usually calm him down eventually by humming on a yoga ball holding him, taking him outside, start the 'latch' on the yoga ball...but it was stressful and I was already frustrated by then. And concerned about 'my supply'. He's in a velcro stage (only naps in a carrier during day) so it's hard to get time to pump, and I would tell myself that I needed to persist. That if I just caved and gave him bottle he'd start to have 'bottle preference', and get even worse at latching, and my supply would fail and... and... the world would end.
But... so what? Yes, I might need to switch to pumping--have prepumped milk ready for him and pump more while I feed him bottle. Yes I might have to use formula. Yes that's demoralizing on some animal level. But mental health is important. Feeling mad at my baby is bad. So I'm revising my goals:
- aspire to not giving the baby formula ALONE as opposed to mixed with breast milk (bc my parents lectured me that as an infant I started to prefer formula once I tasted it alone) - put effort into maintaining supply through 3 mo (ie, pump when I can) - continue BF in some capacity through 6mo, and beyond. It's super handy when out and about, in restaurants, etc, and still conveys antibodies! But it's 'ok' if I supplement more as i go along, if I'm stressed out!

I (28F) have been seeing my partner (29M) now for just a bit over three months (so we are still very much in the early stages of being together). The build-up to our relationship was fantastic; as someone who has been in only unhealthy/toxic relationship dynamics, it was so refreshing to meet someone who was consistent, constantly affirming, and really kept their word. I never had a moment of anxiety or uncertainty about how he felt about me because he was constantly showing me through putting in effort to set up dates, following through with what he was saying, and also telling me how he was feeling (e.g., telling me each date that he was really liking where things were going, etc).
Fast forward to now, I feel like I have been in a state of overwhelming anxiety about our relationship. There was no event that triggered this, but I think it's a gradual feeling that he's become more comfortable in our relationship. For example, he used to be very proactive in setting up formal "dates" and asking when I'm free, whereas now that's maybe decreased slightly (we live quite close to each other so I guess that's coming from an assumption that we'll see each other) and we spent more time relaxing at home. The amount of verbal affirmation about how he feels about me and our relationship has also decreased from how constant it was at the beginning, although it's not gone and he still does other things to reassure me (e.g., talk about future plans, find ways to include me with his friends and larger community). Although I acknowledge these things, I cannot stop hyperfixating on the decreasing and wondering if this is a sign of incompatibility or if he's getting too comfortable too soon, and that's a bad thing. I will say that as someone who has only had a history of bad relationships and also anxiety, it has been hard to tell. I think my feelings are also complicated by the thought of whether the honeymoon period should be ending too soon or if this is a "normal" trajectory.
Any thoughts or insights would be much appreciated!