Cute letters to write to your boyfriend

It's not that we don't care that you got something good in your pack. It's just that we don't care enough to scroll all day to find out.
- If you got something good, brag it up in here.
- If you want to know what to do with it, ask away.
- If you're about to commit pack suicides, write your goodbye letter here.
- If you literally burned through all your coins and ended up with nothing... welcome to the club.
Let us live vicariously through your mistakes or your insane good luck... IMAGES are highly encouraged!
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Usually, you're not the jealous type. But, this night at a local bar... you find some rando getting a little too close to your boyfriend. And he doesn't seem to notice the way this... this... this hussy is looking at him! Time to make sure this rando gets the message that this is YOUR man! A big, big thank you to for writing this script, available here
video here

To preface one thing - this is in Singapore, I am half singaporean and half thai, I have no close friends or family members around here, but I study here.
So after many years of dating and many quite one sided and manipulative relationships with guys and after 3 months of being single I finally got into relationship with my GF. First time trying lesbian dynamic. I felt it would be very different, she would understand me more and was less demanding of me and of course less physical and simply more harmonious, since, you know it's a fellow woman.
I was also taking it slow and we had like dozen dates before getting entangled officially couple months ago. She is quite lovely and well educated, slightly older than me, somewhat exotic looking around here and it felt we are becming good friends.
When we finally hooked up she had to guide me a lot because it's indeed quite different dynamic than with a guy but that was fine, I guess and she seemed to even enjoyed and would joke about how I was lesbian virgin and she can shape me to be suited for her. Which I thought at the time was cute.
Long story short I recently finally moved in with her and that was a mistake. I've been at her place most of the time we would hang out because my place was really tiny. Right after I moved in I was just in a span of week introduced to basically a laundry list of chores I should do and at the time I thought alright we pull this together right, but we didn't. After next couple weeks I realised (for the first time ever) that I am doing the same chores I would be doing for my former boyfriends and I started to feel, yet again, more as a maid with benefits. This time I had courage to voice that to my GF and she would apologise and be all sweet about how she didn't realise and that would coo me for another week, but no changes would actually happen. Only now I think it's been manipulative.
Since I am a university student and a "gym bunny" I have less free time than one would expect and suddenly it was filled mostly by coming home doing chores before going to gym and then coming from gym and my GF would be still up and then she would be demanding for attention, mostly in bedroom. This is when I've also noticed that while guiding me in bedroom she never seemed eager to pleasure me in return unless I would specifically ask and so for days I tried not to ask and suddenly it was super one sided bedroom stuff and she seemed perfectly fine with that. That stung because it immedaitelly reminded me of my last 3 boyfriends where it was the same.
I held a lot of this in, trying to keep being disciplined and do all she'd like me to do and chores and everything more and better in hopes of her seeing more value in me. But it simply didn't happen, not over course of two plus weeks.
Well this weekend I was using her ipad, where she always logged off out of all social and communication apps when she wasn't using. I always thought it's a like... internet safety thing in case the device gets hacked or something. But this time her whatsapp and wechat was logged in and I simply discovered that while I am at school and she's "working" from home she's hooking up at least once a week with guys. Or at least mostly with guys I wasn't in the mood to read into too much detail, seeing texts of your presumeably loved sending very intimite and heartfelt texts to guys and reacting to their D pics and sending stuff back... I felt betrayed but so far I haven't said anything and the routine contiues to my own detrement.
From doing gymnastics on higher level for 10+ years I'm used to some discipline and manners that would now be probably consider abuse, but what I learnt from that was to be quiet a lot not to cause conflict and please people. Despite my previous relationships with guys being basically abusive it was eventually always them to dump me, I never had the guts to do it yet (not counting middle school lol). This time I recognize the problem and I would like to end things but at the same time I moved too soon (in hindsight) and have nowhere to go at the moment.
And so for weeks I felt like maid and for 4-5 days now I feel more like bang maid who's also stupid and naive and I couldn't contemplate a good .. like escape plan, that's why I am making this post. In the meanwhile I continue the same old routine unable to almost meet my GF's eyes, yet she seem strangely not noticing any change and looking quite happy. On top of that you probably can guess how I feel being at school, knowing there's a decent change she's out hooking up. It just all crushing my selfesteem yet I feel stuck in the routine and my head.
TLDR: GF is cheating, doesn't know I know, because I am scared to confront her since I have nowhere to go if I'd move out.

I read this book in or after college (my early 20s). The book was about a middle aged woman who was scared to turn forty, two or three young college guys who lived in one apartment together, and a couple who seemed perfect from the outside but were very depressed. I think there was also and old man or women. They all lived in the same building and didn’t know each other aside from that. The middle aged woman seemed like a hard ass and every time her boyfriend came over if the college boys would see him one of them would call him “poor fucker”. From what I remember they were foreigners from Poland (or the Check Republic -think Northern Europe). One of the college boys had a horrible girlfriend he would write to or call. She would always belittle him in letters or over the phone. So really he was the “PF”. His roommate was hoping he’d break up with her. Meanwhile the couple presented as happy and sweet. They had been excited to move to this new place. The girl (who I think was Irish and called Maeve) would ride her bike everywhere. I can’t remember exactly but I think it was because of her new job that she was sexually assaulted. It was sort of vaguely hinted at. After that she did not want to be touched by her boyfriend Matt. I think he might have blamed himself because he got bad vibes from the person who did it (I believe her boss or coworker because I believe she had to keep seeing this person) or because it was his idea to move. Maeve stops riding her bike and is understandably a shell of her former self. Eventually the pushing 40s woman realizes she’s pregnant and doesn’t know how to feel about it. She thinks she way too old to have a baby. He boyfriend is unexpectedly happy (from what I remember I think she expected him to freak out). They decide to get married and move out. At the same time the college boys make plans to move since the one guy’s girlfriend is moving to their new country to join him. Matt and Maeve seem like they will break up. This makes one of the spirits very upset. This spirit is sort of hoping from apartment to apartment to see how things unfold. They are simultaneously being chased by this other spirit who seems to be death. The spirit is very scared and knows it’s running out of time. Finally Matt and Maeve lay everything on the table and decide they don’t want to break up. I don’t think it’s explicitly stated but they have sex and this makes the spirit happy and it disappears. I remember how it was laid out but I got the sense the spirit was their unborn child. The other spirit it turns out was their for the old man or woman not the young spirit at all. I believe by they end every character moves out of that building to start their new chapter in their lives.

Reflections... Sometimes my letters are reflections, capturing our little world. Which, despite us not being together romantically, I'm so happy to say exists. We have a world, you and me. We make a world, just us, where we laugh, fake argue (bc we have to because we don't have real arguments 🥲), think about each other. The world which has all of the things we've watched together, alone. All the slight touches and glanced from across the room. A world that has our whole history and a world which expands the very every single day we say hi. Just as a preface... I love our world! Time to reflect.
A couple of days ago i slipped. You caught me at one of those moments where my brain-mouth filter gets overwhelmed by my urge for you boiling inside and what i feel just comes out (no puns! Stop looking for one!!! 🤭).
We were talking about tension building, and i got so overwhelmed i blurted out something like... "Tension is built in the space between us which keeps me from tearing you apart". 😭 Which, when i realized what i said, i first thought, yo that's cool af 😆... But then immediately had to cover it up.
I wonder if you knew that was meant for you? I wonder if you also knew that it just came out, completely original off the top. 🤣🤣🤣 So original i was honestly shocked that i said it. You're not stupid I'm sure you know...
I wonder if you find it cute that sometimes i can't contain myself so much that it just happens. Like when i moved to sleep next to you. As a side note i hope you know there was no funny business. I swear i just felt a pull so strong i had to go sleep next to you. It was the only way i felt ok again. Literally like a magnet that is now at rest because the Attraction to the other magnet is complete. The two not being able to get any closer. 😊
977 days of talking to you every day since that trip where we finally reconnected for real. 977 days I love you. 977 days and my body literally rejects the Idea of missing even 1.
Good morning love. Love? Doesn't even cut it... Good morning my soul 💌
🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🦝

This megathread is about the ongoing conflict between HYBE and the management of sub-label ADOR.
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Summary of Previous Megathreads

MEGATHREADS ONE and TWO and THREE covered events from April 22nd to the 26th

• HYBE initiated the audit of sub-label ADOR, Min Hee Jin and ADOR's management claimed it was a witch-hunt/media play due to her frustrations with an internal complaint that new group ILLIT's visual concept was copying what she had designed for NewJeans.
  
• HYBE found further indications that ADOR's management was planning to undermine the value/function of the company and break ADOR away. Min Hee Jin held an emergency press conference for over two hours to reveal the internal politics of HYBE and her frustrations. HYBE refuted claims made during the conference.
  

MEGATHREAD FOUR provides a SUMMARY of all events so far and up to the 30th

• Various conspiracies spread online over the last weekend in April. HYBE labels BIGHIT Music and SOURCE Music released statements vowing to take legal action to protect their artists against slander and groundless rumors.
  
• A court hearing was held on the 30th resulting in schedules for upcoming meetings. ADOR's board meeting is supposedly set for May 10th and HYBE's general shareholders' meeting for sometime by the end of the month.
  

MEGATHREAD FIVE covered the first half of May.

• ADOR's meeting was set on the 10th and held, wherein a shareholders' meeting was set for May 31st. Min Hee Jin filed an injuction against HYBE with a hearing to take place on the 17th.
  
• Claims fired back and forth around HYBE continuing their audit and obtaining a personal laptop from an ADOR employee over potential embezzlement concerns.
  
• A Letter allegedly written by the parents of NewJeans and forwarded to HYBE via MHJ was made public. It included complaints about the treatment of NewJeans within the company. HYBE rebutted the letter and questioned its origins and the intentions of its release.
  
• HYBE requested an investigation regarding findings that ADOR's Vice President sold a large amount of HYBE shares a week before the audit began, suggesting he had reason to believe the company's stock price would fall.
  

Articles / Timeline

240515

• Indirectly related, HYBE will be listed as a conglomerate due to assets of $3.65 billion or larger. See Yonhap article below.
  
• Yonhap News: Regulator adds 6 more biz groups to 'chaebol watchlist,' including Hybe
  
• It was confirmed HYBE requested an FSS investigation on the 14th. It was reported they submitted concrete evidence seized during the audit of potential insider trading, arranging meetings with foreign investors, etc. and working with foreign securities analyst Mr. A. (Source: Newsis)
  

Looking ahead:

• May 17: The Seoul District Court (Civil Affairs Dept.) will investigate/interrogate regarding the injunction Min Hee Jin filed against HYBE (previously reported on the 7th)
• May 31: The extraordinary shareholders' meeting to potentially oust and replace Min Hee Jin as ADOR CEO.

Link back to MEGATHREADS ONE and TWO and THREE and FOUR and FIVE

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Introduction

In this post, we'll be discussing something called "Virtue Ethics." This is a normative theory of ethics that's most associated with Aristotle, though has in recent times experienced a resurgence of sorts from modern philosophers, some of whom have tweaked and modified it, and in doing so have created different branches on this tree of moral theory. We will be comparing these different flavors of Virtue Ethics to that of the New Testament's, pointing out where they're similar, as well as highlighting where the NT differs (and is actually superior) from the heathens' views.
I want to preface all this with a verse and a warning:

"Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ."-Colossians 2:8

The entire Bible, over and over again, warns against syncretism. It's a running theme throughout to condemn the practice, with this verse being one of the more explicit ones to do so.
Mapping the ideas of Pagans (and especially Greek philosophers) onto the Scriptures has always resulted in people severely misinterpreting the Bible, as looking at the Word of God through a Hellenistic lens is and always has been extremely innapropiate to the author's original intent.
Whenever Greek philosophy or ideas are referenced, they're always portrayed in a bad light or otherwise used to make a point. Examples of the latter could be found in the apostle Paul's writings, as he was a fully educated Roman citizen of his day, and so he made use of known Hellenestic philosophy and literature (that he would have been familiar with) by redefining their terms and ideas in a way that would be consistent with the theology of his own religion. The apostle Peter did the same within his own epistles whenever he mentioned "Tartarus," the abyss/prison for certain disobedient angels that rebelled against God, despite the fact that the word has its roots in Greek mythology and not Hebrew religion (though, the belief that there were a group of spiritual beings that rebelled against the highest authority in the heavens was one technically shared between the two ancient cultures; even if the parties involved were vastly different, as well as the contexts of the rebellion itself).
The affect Hellenstic philosophy has had on the way people think (even subconsciously) can still be felt to this day, and can be seen in the confusion modern "Christianity" has brought on through its adoption of Gnostic teachings such as Dualism or the inherently fatalistic views that many unknowingly hold due to the error of Classical Theism.
While yes, I will be commending the heathen (unbeliever) whenever they are right with their ideas as pertaining to this subject, I will also show where they are wrong.
Let's begin.

"What Is Virtue Ethics?"

First, we need to define some terms and point out the differences between this view and others within the larger debate of normative ethics.
There are three major approaches in normative ethics, those being: Consequentalism, Deontology, and Virtue Ethics. The following are definitions of the terms:
Consequentialism – a class of normative, teleological ethical theories that holds that the consequences of one's conduct are the ultimate basis for judgement about the rightness or wrongness of that conduct.
Deontology – theories where an action is considered morally good because of some characteristic of the action itself, not because the product of the action is good. Deontological ethics holds that at least some acts are morally obligatory regardless of their consequences for human welfare.
Virtue Ethics – theories that emphasize the role of character and virtue in moral philosophy rather than either doing one’s duty or acting in order to bring about good consequences. The virtue ethicist would argue that actions themselves, while important, aren't as important as the character behind them. To the virtue ethicist, consequences are also important, but they would say that good consequences ultimately flow from a virtuous character who has made virtuous decisions. Theories of virtue ethics do not aim primarily to identify universal principles that can be applied in any moral situation, instead teaching that the best decisions can vary based on context, and that there are only some actions that would be universally evil, only because those actions could never flow from a virtuous character in the first place (e.g., rape).
Aristotle's idea of ethics is in an important respect different from most people's, especially today. Heirs as we are to Kant’s idea of duty – there is a right thing that one ought to do, as rational beings who respect other persons – and to Mill’s idea of utility – the right thing to do is that which produces the greatest good for the greatest number – most of us see ethics as concerned with actions. "The function of ethics is to help me see what I ought to do in a given situation," the modern says. Aristotle’s approach was different. His ethic is not so much concerned about helping us to see what we ought to do, as about what sort of person we ought to be.
Aristotle was concerned with character, and with the things that go to make up good and bad character; virtues and vices. His sort of ethic does not look at our action to see if it fulfils our duty, or produces a certain outcome, such as the greatest good of the greatest number, and therefore merits approval. Instead, it looks at us; at the character behind the actions, to see whether we merit approval.
Comparing Virtue Ethics with philosophies such as Deontology and Consequentialism, we are able to divide ethical theories into two kinds; act-centered theories and agent-centered theories. Kant’s (Deontological) and Mill’s (Utilitarian) approaches are act-centered, because they concern themselves with our actions, whilst Aristotle’s is agent-centered because it concerns itself with the character of a person, which in his view was ourselves and our own dispositions that prompt our actions.
Both approaches have ardent present-day advocates, and so both are alive and well. Virtue Ethicists are dissatisfied with the answers ‘modern’ act-centered philosophy offers, and look for a more flexible, person-centered approach that takes more account of the subtle varieties of human motivation. Those in this camp see ethics as being about people – moral agents – rather than merely about actions. Of course, your actions matter. But, for Aristotle and his present day advocates alike, they matter as expressions of the kind of person you are. They indicate such qualities as kindness, fairness, compassion, and so on, and it is these qualities and their corresponding vices that it is the business of ethics to approve or disapprove.
All this seems simple and uncontroversial; there are two ways of looking at an action to evaluate it morally. You can take the action in isolation and judge it, or take the agent and judge him or her.
Virtue ethicists argue that act-centered ethics are narrow and bloodless. What is needed is a richer moral vocabulary than just ‘right and wrong’. There are subtle but important differences between actions that are good because they are kind and those that are good because they are generous, and those that are good because they are just. Likewise, there are subtle but important differences between actions that are bad because they are selfish and those that are bad because they are cruel and those that are bad because they are unfair. These, and many other, distinctions are lost when we talk simply about doing one’s duty, or promoting utility. Questions of motive and of character are lost, in these asceptic terms. Modern moral philosophy won’t do: it is cold, technical and insensitive to the many kinds and degrees of value expressed in human actions. Ethics is more than just thought experiments and hypotheticals about what would be the right course of action to take in any given situation we might conjure up from the comfort of our armchair. Ethics is about doing, and about context and character.

The Different Kinds of "Virtue Ethics"

Virtue Ethics has has been developed in two main directions: Eudaimonism, and agent-based theories.
Eudaimonism (Aristotle's view) bases virtues in human flourishing, where flourishing is equated with performing one’s distinctive function well. In the case of humans, Aristotle argued that our distinctive function is reasoning, and so the life “worth living” is one which we reason well. He also believed that only free men in the upper classes of society (i.e., the aristocrats) could excel in virtue and eschew vice, being that such men had greater access to the means in accomplishing this task as they had the wealth and resources to better perform their distinctive function of 'reasoning,' and thus "live well." For the Eudaimonian, inner dispositions are what one ought to focus on in order to cultivate virtuous traits, and thus a virtuous character.
In contrast, an agent-based theory emphasizes that virtues are determined by common-sense intuitions that we as observers judge to be admirable traits in other people. There are a variety of human traits that we find admirable, such as benevolence, kindness, compassion, etc., and we can identify these by looking at the people we admire, our moral exemplars. Agent-based theories also state that the motivations and intentions behind an action are ultimately what determine whether or not said action is actually virtuous. Whereas Eudaimonism understands the moral life in terms of inner dispositions or proclivities to act in certain ways (whether righteous or wicked, just or unjust, kind or cruel, etc.), agent-based theories are more radical in that their evaluation of actions is dependent on ethical judgments about the inner life of the agents who perform those actions, that is, what the motivations and intents are of a person.
[Note: While both Eudaimonism and agent-based theories are both agent-centered, Eudaimonism is not to be confused with an agent-based theory. Both branches concern themselves more with agents rather than acts themselves, but Eudamonism focuses on the self to improve whereas the agent-based theory focuses on others to improve.]

Common Critcisims Toward Secular Forms of Virtue Ethics

Firstly, Eudaimonism provides a self-centered conception of ethics because "human flourishing" (here defined as simply fulfilling our base function as humans, which is "reason" according to this view) is seen as an end in itself and does not sufficiently consider the extent to which our actions affect other people. Morality requires us to consider others for their own sake and not because they may benefit us. There seems to be something wrong with aiming to behave compassionately, kindly, and honestly merely because this will make oneself happier or "reason well."
Secondly, both Eudaimonism and agent-based theories also don't provide guidance on how we should act, as there are no clear principles for guiding action other than “act as a virtuous person would act given the situation.” Who is a virtuous person? Who is the first or universal exemplar?
Lastly, the ability to cultivate the right virtues will be affected by a number of different factors beyond a person’s control due to education, society, friends and family. If moral character is so reliant on luck, what role does this leave for appropriate praise and blame of the person? For the Eudaimonian, one ought to be born into a status of privilege if they wish to excel in being virtuous. For the proponent of an agent-based theory, one ought to be born into a society or family with good role models and preferably be raised by such, else they have no moral exemplars to emulate.

The New Testament's Virtue Ethic

The New Testament authors didn’t sit down and do a self-consciously philosophical exercise, for this was not what they were concerned with. They were concerned with giving practical instruction to disciples of the faith, and merely trying to express the ethical implications of their spiritual experience. That being said, we know the apostle Paul was familiar with the writings of Aristotle. We can actually identify places where Paul displays knowledge of Aristotle and incorporates some of the philosopher's ideas into his own epistles. Before we do this, however, it's important we refute common misnomers about what the Bible teaches concerning ethics in general.
You probably have heard many attack the ethics of the New Testament as being primitive and simplistic. "God dictates universal commands to follow: 'do not lie,' do 'not divorce,' 'do not insult.' And the only motivating factor is escaping hellfire and obtaining the reward of eternal pleasure." But in reality, this is a gross misrepresentation of the ethics laid out in the NT. I will argue the NT advocates for a form of virtue ethics, instead of claiming the NT contains a form of deontic ethics, as it is so often assumed.
Elizabeth Anscombe was one of the most influential virtue ethicists of the 20th century. Her work helped to revive virtue ethics in the modern era, however she also criticized the ethics of the Bible for promoting a form of ethics different than what Aristotle promoted:
"...between aristotle and us came Christianity, with its law conception of ethics. For Christianity derived its ethical notions from the Torah. (One might be inclined to think that a law conception of ethics could arise only among people who accepted an allegedly divine positive law..." (Modern Moral Philosophy, vol. 33, no. 124, 1-19)
We've already dealt with the issue of the Torah in another post. The Torah is not laying down moral laws, but describing justice in the form of ancient Near Eastern wisdom literature. But does the New Testament teach a deontic form of ethics? Anscombe might appear justified in her claim, as some "Christian" theologians have explicitly taught the ethics of the NT is deontic.
However, other theologians have argued the ethics of the NT is best characterized as a form of virtue ethics. In a study of the NT, we'll support this notion. As noted earlier, one of the central features of this approach to ethics is that the aim of ethics should be on living a virtuous life. Other forms of ethics focus on directing actions when confronted with a moral dilemma, but for virtue ethics every action is a moral or immoral action because all of our actions contribute or do not contribute to living a virtuous life. In other words, for a virtue ethicist, everything we do will contribute to living a fulfilled life. Now, the NT promotes a similar idea with a slight modification. The NT changes the distinctictive function and purpose for man in Eudaimonism from "reasoning" to loving God and others instead, and thus "living well" is changed from self-centered 'flourshing' (as defined by Aristotle) to glorifying God instead. The apostles taught everything we do contributes to living a life that glorifies God:

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."-1 Corinthians 10:31
"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."-Colossians 3:17

So we see the same idea in Paul, that everything we do can be seen as a moral or immoral action. Everything we do should be seen as contributing to living a life that glorifies god or not. As a believer, the aim is not just doing good actions to avoid punishments, but to see everything we do as glorifying God. On secular virtue ethics, all our actions are either advancing a good life or not: nourishing your body contributes to living a good life. In a Biblical context: taking the time to properly dress contributes to living a good life, and not giving into the sin of sloth. So all our actions can be moral actions in this context, and so likewise for Paul and Jesus, all we do can contribute to living a life that glorifies God.
Since God made our bodies to thrive and enjoy life, we should nourish our bodies so we can thrive as God intended for our bodies to do, thus ultimately glorifying Him. Since we were created to experience and feel enjoyment, laughing and enjoying things throughout life glorifies God as well since we're experiencing emotions that God created to be experienced. Everything we do should be to glorify God, and often all that is is living our lives in the way that they were intended to be lived. Biblical ethics is very much more than merely performing right actions, but living a virtuous life that brings glory to God.
As Jesus said:

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."-Matthew 22:37b

It is also important to focus on what it means to love, which is an important aspect of what it means to be a believer. Paul makes the radical claim that to love is the entirety of the law of God:

"For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."-Galatians 5:14

Jesus also taught that to love God and love others were the two greatest commandments (Mark 12:28-31, Matt. 22:34-40). He also extends the commandment to love beyond one's brethren, and to love our enemies (Matt. 5:44). Loving those around us is central to what it means to be a believer (John 13:34; 15:12-17, Rom. 12:10; 13:8, 1 Cor. 13:1-8; 16:14, 2 Cor. 8:8, Eph. 4:2; 5:2, Phili. 1:9, Heb. 10:24, Jam. 2:8, 1 Pet. 1:22, 1 John 2:10; 3:23).
One might suggest this is no different than the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you," or a Kantian rule: "I ought never to act except in such a way that I could also will that my maxim should become a universal law." In other words, "to live well is to perform good deeds or actions and nothing more." But an important point about loving someone is it cannot be done through actions alone. For example, one could buy a gift for their spouse to cheer them up. However, one could perform this action merely because they value performing right actions without any love for the person. One could donate to charity because it is the right thing to do, and not because she cares for the people who would benefit. In such scenarios, they can be seen as idolizing moral laws, not necessarily caring about helping others.
But to love someone requires more than merely performing right actions. You cannot love someone and not care about who they are as a person and where they are heading in life. To love is to will the good of the other. Jesus chastised the Pharisees of his day for only performing right actions, but not loving their brethren in their hearts. His criticism follows Matthew chapter 22, where Jesus says the greatest commandments are to love. The implication is the Pharisees perform proper actions, but have the wrong motivations for doing so. James Keenan puts it like this:
"Essential to understanding this command is that we love our neighbors not as objects of our devotion, but rather as subjects; that is, as persons. Thus, we cannot love others only because God wants us to do so, since then we would love them as means or as objects and not as persons. We can only love one another as subjects, just as God loves us." (Jesus and Virtue Ethics: Building Bridges Between New Testament Studies and Moral Theology, pg. 86)
A critic may bring up that verses of the NT are still phrased as commands, and therefore the structure implies duties were the central aspect of Christian ethics. But the importance of duties is not foreign to Virtue Ethics. Instead of being central to the ethical framework, duties flow from a virtuous character. Virtues are active and have certain demands for which a person must fulfill in their active behavior.
According to Aristotle, knowledge of the virtues gives us practical wisdom in how to properly act. Duties flow from the understanding of the demands of virtues. To put it another way, for virtues to manifest in persons, they have certain demands that must be fulfilled. For the believer, the command of love flows from being virtuous and aligning oneself with the character of God. Commitment to the character of Christ, who perfectly carried out the will of the Father, allows us to perform right and proper actions.
The NT also contains lists of virtues the believer ought to emulate, the most famous of these is in Galatians chapter 5:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." (vss. 22-23)
Now, the connection with Aristotle cannot be more pronounced. The Greek phrase "against such there is no law" is almost identical to what we find in Aristotle's politics (3.13.1284a). It seems clear Paul is teaching a similar ethical framework to what Aristotle advocated for. Paul is teaching that the believing community ought to be persons who display key virtues, and that their conduct would not need to be regulated by a law. Instead, their character should be the standard others can measure themselves by. Romans chapter 2 is also a place we see references to Aristotle, where Paul notes that when Gentiles do what the law requires, they are "a law unto themselves" (vss. 14-15). In other words, they do not need to be told to act a certain way. They have the proper virtuous character that directs their actions, to do the good the law requires. Paul is advocating in Galatians that believers should think in a similar way.
So in Galatians 5, we have affinity with the teachings of Aristotle, and in other lists of virtues throughout the NT we see a similar idea, which is that Christians were meant to display virtues primarily (Rom. 5:3-5, 1 Cor. 13:1-8, Col. 3:12-17, 1 Tim. 3:2-3; 4:7-8, Jam. 3:17-18, 2 Pet. 1:5-8). From that, good deeds will properly manifest in our actions.
Anscombe made a great point on what the focus of ethics should be:
"It would be a great improvement if, instead of 'morally wrong', one always named a genus such as 'untruthful', 'unchaste', 'unjust'. We should no longer ask whether doing something was 'wrong', passing directly from some description of an action to this notion; we should ask whether, e.g., it was unjust; and the answer would sometimes be clear at once." (Modern Moral Philosophy, vol. 33, no. 124, 1-19)
Interestingly enough, Paul lays out a similar idea in explaining Christian ethics:

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you."-Philippians 4:8-9

In other words, the central aspect on living a Christian life was on what is virtuous, not on what is lawfully right or wrong. Right actions flow from whatever is honorable, true, and pure. Correlating with this is how Paul responds to the Corinthians who claimed that "all was lawful." Paul reminded them the emphasis is not on what is lawful, but on what is good for building a virtuous character:

"All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not."-1 Corinthians 10:23

One's main focus ought to be on what is good, not on laws that dictate behavior.
One of the key aspects of Virtue Ethics is the idea we ought to learn from virtuous teachers and imitate them. A virtuous character is obtained by imitating what a virtuous person does. This parallels a key aspect of Christian ethics. Imitating Christ was (and still is) crucial to living a virtuous life:

"For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:"-1 Peter 2:21

Paul says in Romans 8:29 that Christians were predestined "to be conformed to the image of his Son." Jesus often taught his followers to do as he does (Matt. 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 6:40; 9:23, John 13:15, 34). Paul says in 1st Corinthians 11: Be ye followers [i.e., imitators] of me, even as I also am of Christ" (vs. 1). Hebrews 13:7 says to imitate the faith of the patriarchs. 1st Thessalonians 2:14 says to imitate each other. And jesus taught to imitate the good Samaritan from his parable (Luke 10:37). Imitating virtuous teachers was key for Christian ethics.
Aristotle tended to compare acquiring virtues with that of learning a practical skill, like playing an instrument or learning how to become a builder. Such practical skills are best picked up when trained by a master of that particular skill, because a teacher can always provide more insight through lessons they learn from experience. For example, an expert salesman can provide examples from his experience of what works with specific customers that a sales textbook could never provide. Many professions today require on-the-job training or experience before even hiring an applicant. The reason is: experience is key to learning a profession. Merely acquiring knowledge from a textbook or an instruction manual is often insufficient to master a skill, so why would mastering the skill of virtue be any different?
In the NT, a believer is to see the world through the eyes of Christ and to love as he loved. One cannot learn how to be a virtuous person without knowing what that life would look like. A key component of Christian theology is that the Messiah perfectly represented the Father and His will on earth, to show us how to properly live as God intended for man. This central tenet of the NT aligns well with agent-based theories of Virtue Ethics, and modifies it so that the person of Jesus Christ is the universal exemplar that one is meant to emulate. We are called to imitate him through our actions, thoughts, and desires, and to conform ourselves to the way he lived. As Paul said:

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."-Galatians 2:20

If learning from Christ is key, we should briefly take a look at the Sermon on the Mount, which is said to be one of Jesus' most important series of teachings. Daniel Harrington notes:
"The sermon begins with nine 'beatitudes' (see 5:3–12) in which Jesus declares as 'happy' or 'blessed' those who practice certain virtues, and promises them an eternal reward and the fullness of God's kingdom." (Jesus and Virtue Ethics: Building Bridges Between New Testament Studies and Moral Theology, pg. 62)
Jesus laid out what a life for those that follow him look like in detail. One ought to be merciful, pure in heart, a peacemaker, thirst for righteousness, etcetera (Matt. 5:2-10). The Sermon does not merely include what right actions are, but includes sections on proper desires. Not only is it wrong to murder, but it is wrong to desire to murder or wish ill on someone (Matt. 5:22). Avoiding adultery is good, but one also should not covet after another man's woman in their heart (Matt. 5:28). In other words, merely avoiding immoral actions is not enough. One must also not desire vices. A believer is called to desire what is good.
The Sermon is not necessarily laying down universal moral commands. For example, Matthew 5:9 says, "Blessed are the peacemakers," but this doesn't imply absolute Pacifism, as it would contradict passages in the Old Testament where it explicitly says there is a time for war (Ecc. 3:8). The point of the Sermon is to teach what a virtuous life ought to look like. A follower of Christ ought to use reason to know what is proper to do in various circumstances. For example, in Matthew chapter 6, Jesus offers guidance on how one ought to pray by presenting the Lord's prayer (vss. 9-15). This is a model of how to pray. It's not a command for followers to always pray in this exact way.
In reality, the Sermon on the Mount mixes in exhortations, parables, hyperbole, declarations, commands, etc. It is best understood as displaying what a virtuous life ought to look like. It's not a law code. Building on this, it's important to understand a proper action is context sensitive. Under Virtue Ethics, one should not necessarily apply a universal maxim to every situation. Sometimes the proper action will depend on what is at stake, who is involved, what is the background, etc. Aristotle advocated against the idea there were fixed universal laws that dictate actions, and instead he argued the right action would depend on the circumstances one finds themselves in. Although the ethics of the NT may be a bit more strict, it still places an emphasis on being sensitive to the context of situations.
In 1st Corinthians chapter 8, Paul lays out instructions on how to deal with meat that has been sacrificed to Pagan idols. Instead of stating an absolute prohibition against meat sacrificed to idols, Paul instructed Christians to use reason to come to the proper ethical decision based on context. In other words, the right action is not determined only by a law. Instead, the Christian had to make the proper decision based on the context: if eating caused another to stumble, then you ought to abstain; if not, then there's no harm done. The value of the action depends on the context.
A Deontologist might reply that there's still a universal law given here: that one should always abstain if it's going to cause another to stumble. This objection can be addressed by asking: how are we to know if eating the meat will cause another believer to stumble? To answer such a question, one must be sensitive to the context, which in this case would be knowledge of the fellow believer and your relation to him. It is the context that determines the right action, not a universal law. Moreover, Paul states that the primary goal for the believer should be to love (1 Cor. 13). The first consideration is once again not the rightness of action, but having love for one another. From this, knowledge of the proper action will follow.
Paul often explains that living a proper life as a believer will take work and practice. He reminded Timothy to attend readings, practice what these things mean, and keep a close watch on himself (1 Tim. 4:13-14). Elsewhere, he directs that all believers must work on their faith (Phili. 2:12). Beyond this, he also noted that not all Christians would have the same gifts, and to accept that this was normal (1 Cor. 12). For some, certain things may be a hindrance, whereas for others it is acceptable (Rom. 14:2-4). What matters is that we love and build one another up (1 Thess. 5:11). Right actions flow from love and knowledge of virtue. Rules are not the primary motives that dictate our actions; rules are secondary in this regard.
An interesting case can be studied with regards to divorce in the Gospels. Jesus preaches against divorce (Mark 10:7-9) and it is often interpreted to mean "divorce is always wrong, regardless of circumstances." However, it should be noted the prohibition on divorce is not a universal law. The context can affect whether or not a divorce is permissible. Jesus says that one can divorce over sexual immorality. Paul also has a situation where divorce is permissible, namely if one spouse is an unbeliever and wishes to leave (1 Cor. 7:15). The implication one can derive is divorce is not ideal, but there are circumstances where it may be the proper action to take. Given the other features of Christian Virtue Ethics we already covered, the proper action to take will depend on the circumstances and what the virtuous agent thinks is the most loving thing to do. A universal prohibition on divorce is not a Christian ethic. Instead, one ought to discern the proper action from circumstances. However, it's clear in most cases divorce would not be the virtuous thing to do.
Building on this, it's important to note that within NT ethics, certain acts are always wrong. For example, idolatry and sexual immorality are always wrong (1 Cor. 10:14, Col. 3:15, 1 Pet. 4:13). There are no possible scenarios where it would be okay to rape, because such an act would never flow from a virtuous character. But this concept is not foreign to theories of Virtue Ethics. Aristotle noted that for some actions, no qualifications could make them virtuous. Actions such as rape or murder are always wrong, because they would never flow from a virtuous character. So it's not as if a Virtue Ethicist cannot claim that some actions are always wrong. They simply are qualified as being unable to flow from virtue, whereas actions like lying or waging war could be considered virtuous for the right reason.
Now, despite Christian Virtue Ethics having many similarities with Eudaimonism (Aristotelian ethics), there are also numerous differences beyond what we've already noted. One of the deficiencies of how Aristotle lays out his ethical theory is that it is essentially an all-boys club. Aristotle writes mainly to aristocratic men, excluding women and slaves. In his view, women were inferior to men and slaves lacked the necessary rational faculty. But the Christians rejected this mentality, as the teachings of Christ and the apostles were available to all (Matt. 28:19). Paul said, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Gal. 3:28). Peter wrote that all Christians were part of the priesthood of Christ (1 Pet. 2:5). Jesus had women followers (Luke 8:2-3), and they were entrusted with delivering revelation (Mark 15:40–16:8). What we find throughout the NT is a radical change to how women were viewed in the ancient world. Paul is also likely building on Aristotle's household structure and refining it. David deSilva says the household codes of the NT are "...following the pairs laid out as early as Aristotle to such a degree as to suggest that these were standard topics in ethical instruction" (Honor, Patronage, Kinship & Purity, pg. 231). But Paul adds an important preface: submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:20-21). DeSilva says:
"...husbands, we cannot then ignore the distinctively Christian addition they bring to this arrangement; husbands are to be subject to their wives as well." (Honor, Patronage, Kinship & Purity, pg. 233)
Thus Paul doesn't break down the traditional perspective on the structure of the family, but he does add the idea that we all must submit to each other in reverence, love, unity, and cooperation because all are equal before God. There is no explicit mention in the NT calling for the abolishment of slavery, but it should be noted that Paul taught that slaves should be seen as equals. In the letter to Philemon, Paul is clear that his slave is no longer "as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved" (vs. 16). Thus, within Christian ethics class distinctions were supposed to evaporate. All were brothers and sisters of one family.
An important aspect of Christian ethics is that it wasn't a standalone ethical theory. It's embedded in the larger Christian worldview. The ethical framework is dependent on Christian doctrines. For Aristotle, his ethical theory is for men who were raised well. This is why these specific men desire to be virtuous and perform right actions. As for why the believer does good and desires to be virtuous, it's not because one was raised well, but because they have been activated by the power of God's Spirit (John 3:6, 1 Cor. 12:13). For believers, the reason as to why we desire to be good and virtuous is because the Spirit of God has regenerated us. He loves us so we can love others (1 John 4:19). One is meant to look to the life of Christ and what he has done by dying on the cross, to know that we are loved and forgiven. This in turn is meant to activate a good life, having seen what we have gained and been forgiven of. He calls and activates us to do similar to those around us. This is a more open system for people of all groups and classes. One only has to call upon the name of the Lord to be included. It does not require a specific gender or to be raised a certain way.
The goal of Aristotelian ethics is to achieve 'eudaimonia.' However, within the Bible the goal is as the Westminster Shorter Catechism puts it: "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever." Since the central aspect of Biblical Eschatology is that humans will continue on forever in resurrected bodies, the aim of ethics is more than living a good life presently. Living a good life now is important, but it was only one aspect in the Christian worldview. Humans are meant to live beyond this life, so the aim is also about building virtuous souls that will continue on. The importance of this is more crucial than it may seem at first. Paul said that we must all appear before judgment, so that "every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad" (2 Cor. 15:10).
Being a virtuous person requires integrity, because one will still have to answer to God after death. If one can commit an evil act and no one finds out, then from the outside perspective he or she may still appear virtuous. Culturally speaking, the ancient world was very different from our own. All wrongdoings centered around public honor and shame. One did good to receive public honor, and one did not do what was bad to receive public shame. Right and wrong were connected to one's public honor and shame in the ancient Greco-Roman world. Thus good and evil were public ideas, not personal ideas. Ethical demands were grounded in the community in one's public appearance
The Biblical idea of an omniscient God who cared about our ethical status laid a foundation for integrity and personal guilt to emerge. Now one ought to do good because he is beholden to God, not just the community. Believers are to remain focused on God's approval and on the actions that lead them, regardless of the world's response. This lays down fertile ground for integrity to emerge. So the Biblical worldview has another important element built in that encourages ethical behavior, regardless of the honor it brings. One ought to do good because of a commitment to God not, because it might bring honor to one's name publicly.

Implications for Preterists

Paul believed that the Second Coming would happen in his generation, and prescribed certain things in the NT on the basis of that belief. An example of an exhortation that would no longer apppy to us today would be 1st Corinthians 7:24-29, where Paul argues that the times him and his fellow Christians were in called for celibacy, being that the Lord was fast approaching. It wasn't a sin if you did get married, of course; it was just harder to serve the Lord in this context if you had a family to worry about. Thus, Paul encouraged being single.
So, we need to be careful when reading the NT and determining what prohibitions or exhortations are still applicable to us today. Context is key.

So First of all; Not my mothertongue, I'm on mobile and work nights shifts. So yeah sorry.
But yeah. My (29f) first language ist Russian. I'm fluent and still can write and read it. And me and one of my co-workers had a discussion about what we heard, we obviously weren't supposed to understand and she found mine quite funny. So here goes;
So I had two guests checking in. One of them (the one who booked the rooms) a Tattoo Artist (TA in the Story) with AMAZING Makeup skills. Like she was looking so gorgeous! I told her so, 'cause why not? We spoke in English for first because she was from the Staates I just showered her in compliments and she did the same to me.
Went Something Like that; "Shit. J Just LOVE this contouring. How did you so that?" "Oh yeah this technique would be SO GREAT on your face. You have like the perfekt facial structure for that." "Thanks but your hair though! How do your get your hair so glossy...?" So yeah two women Just kinda vibing and getting along.
Then I ask her the question; "Yeah the reservation said you also have two dogs with you. Where are the cuties?" And before she could answer, her obviously boyfriend murmered in Russian; "I could be one for the both of you."
I just froze. She saw it and was Just Like; "Oh shit..." Her Boyfriend Just continued; "With two of them I would just..." Thankfully I kinda got my senses back and in Russian asked; "Excuse me?
Her Bf definetly needed more time than her, cause she started snikering right away while he continued With; "yeah I would let the both of you step in me." I then asked, in Russian, If he wanted to tell me something.
He went RED. Like tomatoes would be envious red.
The TA and me then went through the whole check-in in Russian. And i got this great message from my co-workers in the next day; " So the Girl in #xxxxxx appreciated you so much she left you a Card for her Studio and her number for it. If you ever are in Michigan."
So yeah. Thats my Story how me and an amazing Tattoo Artist from the Staates brought a man to his knees with giving each other compliments. Lol
TLDR; One of my check-ins had Russian boyfriend whi thirsted over female vibing Energy and one of my co-workers wanted me to post it.

So for context I (21F) am the youngest of 6 siblings and when my eldest sibling, (my brother) turned 21 he died only days later in a car accident. Although this was quite some time ago. But of course coming from a big family it was difficult and completely devastating. All my siblings are 2 years apart from one another but due to how blended my family is I’m 7 years apart from the 5th sibling, who for this story I’ll call James (29M). Now this story may be long and a bit confusing but please bare with me as I try my best to write it. James and I are the one who are 7 years apart. We do not share the same dad, however he calls my dad “dad” and my father helped raise him and is on his birth certificate. After losing my eldest brother my mum and dads health declined rapidly. My mum had open heart surgery and my dad had 5 brain surgery’s. My mum to this day has never really recovered.
Now I know hate is a strong word, especially to describe your own brother but EVERYTHING my brother does just infuriates me. So here’s where I could be the A-hole.
There’s not one specific reason as to why I feel this way about my brother but I’ll try my best to explain. When I was 16 and James was 24, within a year he slept with 2 of my best friends who were only 17 at the time. I did not find out about this until they had already turned 18. He would steal the family electronics to pawn them for money because he was spending all his money on alcohol and drugs. If he was ever confronted about these things he would ALWAYS LIE. When I was younger and not working my parents used to give me any of their coins and I would save for the whole year so I could go to our local show (fair). Given we had such a big family and I couldn’t work I thought if I could save for the year it was one less stress on my parents. One year James stole EVERY penny a week out from the show (fair), I couldn’t go that year (he stole around $150AUD) .
Now a lot of these times my brother would just get away with it all because everyone felt bad for him or because he had a way of charming people and they would just pretend it never happened. Almost all of his previous relationships ended physically but he calls them all “crazy” to justify his poor behaviour. When I turned 18 and was living with my parents we were to pay board, so we could help them rent and any bills they had. Around a year ago we started buying our own groceries and cooking our own food. This was just so our parents could prepare us for the “real world”. Which in all honesty I’m so glad they did because it helped me tremendously! However my brother proceeds to eat everyone else’s food and not contribute to bills, despite having a well paying job. We even went as far as having designated selves and labelling things. Despite this, just the other week he ate mine and my boyfriend’s leftovers and then put the empty container back in the fridge!
Now I won’t ramble on too much longer but the worse thing of all is the way he treats my parents. All my other siblings have moved out so it’s just me and James living with parents. My mum being as sick as she is, is unfortunately the target to all of my brothers unwarranted out bursts. He yells at her and tells her “you just wish it was me in that car” referring to my brother who died and “I’ll just go kms and then you’ll have no son left”. My dad is less vocal during confrontational times but when he is involved James goes from calling him “dad” to calling him his actual name.
With all that said, that was barely a glimpse of what I’ve had to deal with. I used to come up with every excuse to justify all the things james has done. But now when I look at him or he tries to talk to me I truly can’t stand him. Personally I have never met a more arrogant and manipulative person. I can no longer make excuses for him. It breaks my heart to think of my brother like this but I feel like the a-hole because at the end of the day he’s family. So AITA?

First time taker here and was finishing up my 3L year. Just graduated May ‘24 and was an out of state test taker for Texas. Studied for 5 weeks and passed the Texas Bar and did about 200 hours on BarBri. For me, the issue with the Bar was learning and remembering the law and so I focused on the barbri lectures and MC.
MEE/MPT
I did not write out a single MEE as writing has never been an issue. I’m assuming most people in law school can write well and thus the issue with the essays are issue spotting and knowing the black letter law. This is why I focused on LEARNING the law through the lectures and MC questions instead of wasting hours writing essays. Something I found helpful was looking up the model questions and then reading the selected answers. This gave me an idea of how to structure my essays and see what the examiners liked.
For the MPT, all I did was watch BarMD free video on YouTube and then I read the library portion of a sample MPT to get a feel for issue spotting. One thing I found helpful during the exam was that I would read the cases first and immediately type out the Rules into the test document. I would then just copy and paste the rules when needed which saved me a ton of time as I didn’t have to re-read the case etc. Ultimately, the MPT is all about time management as we all have learned how to issue spot by being in law school.
MBE:
I don’t really know what to say other than just to study. Do a ton of MC to get familiar with the format and also to help get exposed to the more nuanced areas of the law. I did some BarBri MC but what I found helpful were the MC questions from the ncbe themselves. They are fairly cheap and well worth it as they come from the source themselves and are how the questions on the bar are worded. Now, these MC’s by the ncbe are on the easier side but they give you a feel for the formatting of the Q’s. I also just hated Barbri questions which is probably why I liked the ncbe Q’s so much.
Overall, don’t stress about not studying enough/ not completing your course. A lot of the bar prep courses allot a ton of time to writing essays for every subject and for writing MPTs. Personally, I’m a believer that if you know the law then the MEE’s won’t be bad and thus just focus your time on learning the law and practicing the MC Q’s.
Hope this is helpful

Rant about an entitled guy at OFII appointment
I had an appointment yesterday with OFII to sign a CIR contact. For those who don’t know, when you get your carte de séjour, you have to sign this contract between the state and you, basically promising to respect the values of France. And then you need to take a 4 day civic course.
So, the whole point is, you already got french papers, afterwards you do this and that will help you to renew your next card and get a multi year card.
The thing that happened before my appointment really annoyed me. This is a throwaway account for me but I waited a long long time to change my status and get a card to work again. I waited more than 2 years for a reply (not for the visa as I already had a visa, I’ve been living in France, lost a job and papers, do everything again directly at prefecture, waited 2 years for a yes / no, it’s a long story). I wasn’t allowed to leave the country or work during this time. It was brutal. But I got it and I am free. I can’t explain the level of happiness and gratitude that I feel cause I got the best card that exists. So I go to the appointment as happy as one can be, as this can help me to renew my next card for multiple years, not just 1. I live here and I respect France. I know why I went to the appointment and what it means.
So I get their way before the appointment to wait and line starts to pile up. A guy that’s 25-30 years old cuts the line in front of me. Literally skipped like 20 people and stands in front of me. I tried to ignore because, a part of getting this contract, you have to do a French test and for some reason I got scared even though I speak French.
He had a weird attitude, and he started asking people why are we here? What’s the point of this? It confused me but ok.
And then he asked me if I have papers? Yes. He was disgusted. He told me and a guy standing in front of me that he already got a letter from OFII in December but he threw it in the garbage. F them.
This day + 4 day civic courses are obligatory and you can not skip it. It’s free. You come, they test your french, you talk about your future in France and they can redirect you to some stuff (for example if you don’t have a good level of french, they send you to a mandatory but FREE school to learn French). You learn the law in those civic courses, you learn your rights. You even get free food when you do take those 4 day course. Basically everything is for YOU. In return, you promise to respect the country and it’s values. No one asks you, it just stated on the contract that you signed, but that’s the point.
And then he started to make fun of France. It’s a stupid course. He doesn’t need to test his french. He earns money, what’s the point to come here? He doesn’t give a sh*t about French values. He doesn’t want to learn about history. Just dragging his feet and asking ‘but why do I have to be here’? Or saying ‘french values’ and laughing and shaking his head. I was speechless. They’ve been ‘bothering him with letters to come to the appointment’. F them and France, man. He started to talk to me and I told him that he is missing the point, this is for him, not for anyone else. If he wants to stay, he has to integrate. He went on a rant and I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t know what to say anymore.
I was surprised by the bal*s that he had. And honestly, I was mad. Another guy next to me was very uncomfortable too. You don’t have to love France as much as I do but to stand in FRONT of the door of OFII, where you are going to sign an ‘integration contract’ and say this?
He shut up when they opened the door.
But this left a sour taste in my mouth, cause I am still thinking about it. I almost told someone inside but I didn’t want to be a Karen. I kinda hoped they have cameras but I didn’t see them. When we went into the classroom, French test started right away so I didn’t want to get up in front of everyone and say what happened. If they heard ONE sentence he said, they would’ve not given him the contract. It was horrible, I didn’t even write everything he said here.
Anyway, he probably signed a contract that he respects France and he is getting his multi stay card next year. I feel guilty for not saying anything but don’t think it would make any difference anyway and I didn’t want to risk my papers. Sorry for writing in English, I passed my french test (yay) and I don’t need any french classes but it’s easier to go on a rant in english for some reason.

To preface one thing - this is in Singapore, I am half singaporean and half thai, I have no close friends or family members around here, but I study here.
So after many years of dating and many quite one sided and manipulative relationships with guys and after 3 months of being single I finally got into relationship with my GF. First time trying lesbian dynamic. I felt it would be very different, she would understand me more and was less demanding of me and of course less physical and simply more harmonious, since, you know it's a fellow woman.
I was also taking it slow and we had like dozen dates before getting entangled officially couple months ago. She is quite lovely and well educated, slightly older than me, somewhat exotic looking around here and it felt we are becming good friends.
When we finally hooked up she had to guide me a lot because it's indeed quite different dynamic than with a guy but that was fine, I guess and she seemed to even enjoyed and would joke about how I was lesbian virgin and she can shape me to be suited for her. Which I thought at the time was cute.
Long story short I recently finally moved in with her and that was a mistake. I've been at her place most of the time we would hang out because my place was really tiny. Right after I moved in I was just in a span of week introduced to basically a laundry list of chores I should do and at the time I thought alright we pull this together right, but we didn't. After next couple weeks I realised (for the first time ever) that I am doing the same chores I would be doing for my former boyfriends and I started to feel, yet again, more as a maid with benefits. This time I had courage to voice that to my GF and she would apologise and be all sweet about how she didn't realise and that would coo me for another week, but no changes would actually happen. Only now I think it's been manipulative.
Since I am a university student and a "gym bunny" I have less free time than one would expect and suddenly it was filled mostly by coming home doing chores before going to gym and then coming from gym and my GF would be still up and then she would be demanding for attention, mostly in bedroom. This is when I've also noticed that while guiding me in bedroom she never seemed eager to pleasure me in return unless I would specifically ask and so for days I tried not to ask and suddenly it was super one sided bedroom stuff and she seemed perfectly fine with that. That stung because it immedaitelly reminded me of my last 3 boyfriends where it was the same.
I held a lot of this in, trying to keep being disciplined and do all she'd like me to do and chores and everything more and better in hopes of her seeing more value in me. But it simply didn't happen, not over course of two plus weeks.
Well this weekend I was using her ipad, where she always logged off out of all social and communication apps when she wasn't using. I always thought it's a like... internet safety thing in case the device gets hacked or something. But this time her whatsapp and wechat was logged in and I simply discovered that while I am at school and she's "working" from home she's hooking up at least once a week with guys. Or at least mostly with guys I wasn't in the mood to read into too much detail, seeing texts of your presumeably loved sending very intimite and heartfelt texts to guys and reacting to their D pics and sending stuff back... I felt betrayed but so far I haven't said anything and the routine contiues to my own detrement.
From doing gymnastics on higher level for 10+ years I'm used to some discipline and manners that would now be probably consider abuse, but what I learnt from that was to be quiet a lot not to cause conflict and please people. Despite my previous relationships with guys being basically abusive it was eventually always them to dump me, I never had the guts to do it yet (not counting middle school lol). This time I recognize the problem and I would like to end things but at the same time I moved too soon (in hindsight) and have nowhere to go at the moment.
And so for weeks I felt like maid and for 4-5 days now I feel more like bang maid who's also stupid and naive and I couldn't contemplate a good .. like escape plan, that's why I am making this post. In the meanwhile I continue the same old routine unable to almost meet my GF's eyes, yet she seem strangely not noticing any change and looking quite happy. On top of that you probably can guess how I feel being at school, knowing there's a decent change she's out hooking up. It just all crushing my selfesteem yet I feel stuck in the routine and my head.
TLDR: GF is cheating, doesn't know I know, because I am scared to confront her since I have nowhere to go if I'd move out.

Anyone tried this? Like writing a letter to your 5 or 10 or 15 year old self and sort of being the parent that you needed at that age, or even just talking out loud to your younger self and soothing them? I'd like to try to do this because I feel like all the trauma from my childhood is still in my body and it's not gonna go away until I can heal that child within me. But I just don't really know what to do or where to start. Does anyone have any advice, book recommendations, or anything to say?

Hello everyone
My name is ahmed from Egypt, i want to pursue gradute studies (PhD) in USA in neuroscience or biomedical science. I have bachelor of pharmacy. I know most universities open admissions in September but i was wondering if there is anything currently opened you may suggest ?

• what's ur tips to ask for application fee waiver due to huge Currency exchange and financial difficulties?
  
• what are your tips while writing to professors asking if there is available position before applying?
  
• how to write strong motivation Letter inside application process?
  
• what are the universities with high acceptance rate for international students?
  

Thank you in advance ❤️

So for context I (21F) am the youngest of 6 siblings and when my eldest sibling, (my brother) turned 21 he died only days later in a car accident. Although this was quite some time ago. But of course coming from a big family it was difficult and completely devastating. All my siblings are 2 years apart from one another but due to how blended my family is I’m 7 years apart from the 5th sibling, who for this story I’ll call James (29M). Now this story may be long and a bit confusing but please bare with me as I try my best to write it. James and I are the one who are 7 years apart. We do not share the same dad, however he calls my dad “dad” and my father helped raise him and is on his birth certificate. After losing my eldest brother my mum and dads health declined rapidly. My mum had open heart surgery and my dad had 5 brain surgery’s. My mum to this day has never really recovered.
Now I know hate is a strong word, especially to describe your own brother but EVERYTHING my brother does just infuriates me. So here’s where I could be the A-hole.
There’s not one specific reason as to why I feel this way about my brother but I’ll try my best to explain. When I was 16 and James was 24, within a year he slept with 2 of my best friends who were only 17 at the time. I did not find out about this until they had already turned 18. He would steal the family electronics to pawn them for money because he was spending all his money on alcohol and drugs. If he was ever confronted about these things he would ALWAYS LIE. When I was younger and not working my parents used to give me any of their coins and I would save for the whole year so I could go to our local show (fair). Given we had such a big family and I couldn’t work I thought if I could save for the year it was one less stress on my parents. One year James stole EVERY penny a week out from the show (fair), I couldn’t go that year (he stole around $150AUD) .
Now a lot of these times my brother would just get away with it all because everyone felt bad for him or because he had a way of charming people and they would just pretend it never happened. Almost all of his previous relationships ended physically but he calls them all “crazy” to justify his poor behaviour. When I turned 18 and was living with my parents we were to pay board, so we could help them rent and any bills they had. Around a year ago we started buying our own groceries and cooking our own food. This was just so our parents could prepare us for the “real world”. Which in all honesty I’m so glad they did because it helped me tremendously! However my brother proceeds to eat everyone else’s food and not contribute to bills, despite having a well paying job. We even went as far as having designated selves and labelling things. Despite this, just the other week he ate mine and my boyfriend’s leftovers and then put the empty container back in the fridge!
Now I won’t ramble on too much longer but the worse thing of all is the way he treats my parents. All my other siblings have moved out so it’s just me and James living with parents. My mum being as sick as she is, is unfortunately the target to all of my brothers unwarranted out bursts. He yells at her and tells her “you just wish it was me in that car” referring to my brother who died and “I’ll just go kms and then you’ll have no son left”. My dad is less vocal during confrontational times but when he is involved James goes from calling him “dad” to calling him his actual name.
With all that said, that was barely a glimpse of what I’ve had to deal with. I used to come up with every excuse to justify all the things james has done. But now when I look at him or he tries to talk to me I truly can’t stand him. Personally I have never met a more arrogant and manipulative person. I can no longer make excuses for him. It breaks my heart to think of my brother like this but I feel like the a-hole because at the end of the day he’s family but I hate the person he’s become. So AITA?

I feel headachey and tired today but my mood feels better than yesterday so that’s good!
We were in the middle of a conversation last night, he had me utterly soaked and losing my mind and then it went silent and I couldn’t hear him and when I tell you the timing could not have been worse I am not kidding. Except it turns out he could still hear me, which I felt embarrassed about later because I was basically being a little whimpering mess because I assumed he couldn’t hear anything either like he normally can’t. So anyway now he must know he’s baby because I was saying things like baby come back and where are you like an absolute idiot. I think my brain cells lessen even more so when I’m in that frame of mind. Wait and so that means he’d already cum and was over the whole thing and I didn’t know and I kept going, and he kept like… encouraging it with the dirty stuff he was saying. That’s kind of embarrassing that he was just sat there twiddling his thumbs and there I was sounding so stupid. He’s so sweet.
I’ve decided the middle-ish bit of the miss murder song sounds like Jeff Buckley for a little bit, not the voice but the music bit. Only briefly. Anyway my poppunky phase has still returned, I feel 14 again listening to the used and stuff, what a time. I’ve only saved the main big ones to this new playlist though, I know I’m forgetting a bunch of not top 40 kinda ones but whatever these are scratch my lil itch. I’m also just having a lil nostalgic phase with that playlist - it’s wild how much my music taste has changed… but also stayed the same? I loved the klaxons back then, I’m listening to them again and I still like them, and I’m remembering lyrics when I forgot said song even existed. Maybe that’s why I remember nothing from school, because my head is filled with useless lyrics. Good one, brain. Or Simian Mobile Disco? Entirely forgot they existed. I never forgot about the yeah yeah yeahs though, I have succcchhhhhhhh a vivid memory of listening to them while walking around some suburb in Brisbane while we were visiting my aunty and uncle, I think I was 14 or 15, and I was wearing a white tshirt because I remember it started pouring down and it went see through and I felt super embarrassed. But it was night time, or like after dinner time, and I was just going on a stroll cause idk I was a teenager and probably wanted some space to be my angsty self. I remember my uncle had a movie room, not really but he called it that, and it had bean bags and stuff and he had all the HP movies, or at least whatever was out by then. And now I’m day dreaming about how I was a couple cities away from my honey, except what’s the bet he would take one look at 14/15 year old me when he was like 18/19 and be like ew get away from me you little creep. Anyway. Le Tigre were big for me. Xray spex too, the intro to oh bondage up yours still to this day haunts my mind. I listened to that germ free adolescent album a lot at one stage. I’ve just listened to a bunch of it now and I still like it a lot. I have to say the more my mood has dropped and my anxiety increased over the years the more subdued music I listen to, I wonder if it’s connected? Because I used to listen to a lot of… busy music, let’s say. Whereas now it stresses me out sometimes, and I wonder if it’s because there’s too much at once and that doesn’t mesh well with an already hectic head. Omg and MGMT, I had a biggggggg phase of them. I genuinely wanted to marry the curly haired one, I thought everything about him was so dreamy. I want to say his name is Andrew from memory, lucky me getting an even better Andrew! It’s weird to think of Andy as an Andrew, I mean ultimately he’s honeybunny or baby but he’s also Andy. And his friends don’t even call him that? I’m obviously not writing what that name is here. I think it’s so so cute that his friends kid calls him that too, or tries to. Anyway he’s just baby. I think I say the same stuff in these journals all the time.
I feel a lot of relief knowing I have no more things on til July. I’m proud of myself though, it was technically homework for therapy - to do things that make me happy. Outside of the house, around people I mean. And so she asked what I would do if I was “normal” and one of them was go to things like the ballet and plays, things I miss out on because I’m too scared. So we agreed I would go to a couple and I did!! Homework: achieved. She was really proud of me when I said the events I had coming up, I know that sounds so pathetic and stupid but I’m definitely someone that needs to hear that praise and stuff. I can get by without it, but it’s encouraging to hear it, y’know? Idk.
Work is annoying me.
I don’t get why the idea of his friend doesn’t make him jealous. I don’t want it to make him jealous, I don’t want any form of negativity around it, but why doesn’t it? Am I built that differently to him? If he even floated the idea of that to me vice versa I don’t think I would ever recover. I mean that’s dramatic and I would but I would be paranoid about it for a looooooong time. But so why doesn’t he care? It feels like I care more about it than he does, it feels like I’m more concerned about it than he is? I don’t get it. I absolutely don’t want him to be super jealous or anything like that, I know I find the whole territorial thing crazzzzy hot in fiction but in reality I would find it stifling and frustrating. But him having zero ounce of jealousy just idk, it makes me feel like he doesn’t care? If he was to feel jealous, doesn’t that mean he’d want me all to himself? So if he isn’t jealous, then he doesn’t? I know I’m overthinking this so I’ll stop. And also in the past he’s said in reality he doesn’t know if he would actually want me with anyone else, but the idea and fantasy of it all is hot, which I agree with. I mean never say never because idk I guess I kind of do want to experience him and someone else at the same time, like I wouldn’t care in the slightest if it never happened but it is something I think I do properly want. But everything else? Even if we got to the point of finding someone and it eventuating and all of that… I can’t envision me actually going through with it. Even if Andy wanted it. Except maybe I would, but not out of want but out of feeling like I should because I don’t want to let anyone down. I know that isn’t a good reason to say yes but idk. Anyway. None of this matters. I don’t think the fact he doesn’t get jealous as such means he doesn’t care. If he didn’t care then he would end things.
Not to be rude and horrid and hateful but some people have the most god awful voices. There’s a podcast of three women who talk about books and stuff and anyway they’re all American and two of them are fine, if a little grating at times, but one of them has the most disgusting voices I’ve ever heard. It’s HORRIBLE. And she keeps shouting over the others and screeching and it’s just such a gross voice. I feel so mean :(
I worked kinda late, just til 7 or so. And then I had dinner, had chats with M, had a shower, made my bed and showered annnnnd now it’s time with my baby! The sky was very pretty tonight, it was like a glowing rose gold. It kind of made me think of a copper pot on a fire. I feel like suchhhh a lil grub, I only changed my sheets today and it’s Wednesday. That means a week and half of the same sheets! Which I guess isn’t actually so bad compared to others but still. And I also shower right before bed, so in theory I know they’re fine but I like to have fresh sheets every Sunday, it’s just how I am. I can’t wait to make our bed, I wonder if he’d think it was silly to sometimes leave lil lovey notes under his pillow? Just now and then, like a lil post it size note saying something cute. Hm. I do things like that though, and I know it can be seen as super lame and things so idk. I’ll just have to learn what’s okay and what’s not. Hmmm. Anyway.
Night night

Tl;dr: My first love was coined just as therapist relationship.
Myself(20M), From the beginning it was on and off story, she(18F) had left her past and embraced new journey with me which held strong for an year and on and off for 3 years because we were still kids and facing board exams. My part of love started like when I was 15(she was 13) and confessed when she was 16 (I was 18). She had also told me to wait till her board exams and I did wait for her for an year and (still waiting...)
I never ever questioned she had her past relationship once ( when she was much younger) . When she said that she would like to have a fresh start and promised me. I believed that mistakes happen and I thought not everyone would be lucky and let my first love at stake. I forgave her and believed her for this.
I believed in her for the new start. It was strong - you know when people write old type love letters always to each other and shared a docs file to write down everything and plan future and all. I had even documented every past visit/meetups and all as a story and she was too. It was great to experience both sides again after the meetups in text format. Like literally our history is like 200+ pages.
Now somehow the old past came back and she is now saying that she was just therapist-ing me for my rough childhood days and she was just helping me.
Now you only tell me, someone whom you discuss all your past and plan life with and share many personal stuff ends up being just therapist-ing each other?? I am not blaming my old past or her leaving me.. the title which she gave to my precious little first true love as therapist relationship. That hurt me in all possible ways. I don't have 6packs nor do I look handsome, my pros are having patience and being calm. She said her past bf is more calmer and has more patience than me . I cannot compete with someone with my best trait when it is having patience. I guess my boon became a curse. If that's how I need to prove my love then I shall wait.. for her
What hurt me the most is that.. two sided love story turned (coined) into a therapist story. Or atleast that was the reason given by her.
Yet here I am desperate about my first true love and still waiting for her when she seems to be long gone. If that's(having patience) how I need to prove my love then I shall wait.. for her... With all those love letters that I have stacked with me...

Hi first I (23F) wanna clarify that I have no issue with marijuana, either using it for medicinal or just for fun. However specifically when my (24M) boyfriend uses it I get a bit uncomfortable.
We started dating about 3 years ago. In the beginning he told me he used to smoke back in high school for a little but stopped when he graduated. About a year into our relationship he started back up again because an old school friend of his uses it. I was fine with him smoking it, he seemed happy and hey life is stressful. He even allowed me to do a little too, I liked the sensation but wasn’t the biggest fan of the smoke feeling in my lungs.
Anyways over the next couple of months I started noticing a few things about him that started to change. One thing I noticed was that he would get really hyper focused on things like video games or spending time with his friends. I talked with him several times about how I wished he could balance his time with his friends and with me. I guess I kinda felt like I wasn’t on the same level of priority to him. He said he has always struggled with balancing people but when he smokes I feel it is amplified. He always apologized and say he would try his best but would always fall back to the same habits.
This leads to another thing I sort of noticed but he seemed to forget things easily. I can’t exactly pinpoint what he would forget as it was a few years ago. I just remembered that it would be stuff like when I would talk about my day or he wouldn’t take care of his basic needs. He also spaced out a lot, when I would talk to him I’d either ask if he was listening or he would ask me to repeat what I said.
Lastly I feel his emotional output was disrupted. He seemed like he was not there 100% of the time emotionally. He even talked with a monotone voice and I would always ask what’s wrong, but he would say he was good. His reactions were different, his facial expressions were blank, he felt like a shell of the man I fell in love with.
A few months go by and he quits doing marijuana because he greened out, which I know from experience is very scary. In just a few weeks he was back to being “normal” and hasn’t touched weed until just recently.
I am worried that he will go back to being like that. I am scared that I won’t be able to handle it this time. We both have had several talks about it but I don’t feel too good I guess. He used to get high all the time, never coming down from it which led him to having a high tolerance. He told me that this time he will cut back and not use it like he used to.
I love my boyfriend, he makes me so happy and I don’t want to end things just because of this. I feel guilty for even thinking about possibly ending things between us if things don’t pan out well. I feel selfish that I struggle with something he enjoys. Throughout our relationship I have struggled with having an anxious attachment style, but even he says that I have gotten much better. Maybe this time I will be able to handle this situation better? I know that when using cannabis it can cause those symptoms that I have stated up above. I can’t really change or do anything that can change his habits only he can. I fell in love with the non-weed side of my boyfriend I guess..am I wrong to struggle with loving all of him? I know love is learning, and I wanna learn to love him fully.
I want to say I am not trying to demonize marijuana. I know it affects each and everyone of us differently. Please I kindly ask you in the comments to not talk about your stance on the drug. Whether you think it should be only for recreational purposes or whatever I did not write this post to hear that. I know this subject is kinda political but I wish for only advice and to know if I am the asshole for struggling with my boyfriends usage of marijuana. Thank you for your time, sorry for the long post.

TW: brief mentions of depression, suicidal ideation, and attempted suicide
When I (28F) was growing up, I was the golden child of the family. I didn't know it back then. Up until I was in high school I had a younger sister and an older half sister I only saw a few times a year. It wasn't like I never got in trouble or got yelled at, in fact I have a very vivid and hurtful memory where I was called a liar by my parents when I was being 100% truthful (they just didn't want to hear it and wanted someone to be mad at I guess), and then I was told to just "suck it up and get over it". But compared to my younger sister, who was compared to me in every way, I always had the perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect behavior, etc. Our parents, especially our mother, who was the main parent taking care of us during the week, pretty much pitted us against each other constantly. My little sister was being told she needed to be more like me, and I was told my sister was a bad kid. I would try to help her stay out of trouble as a kid and would get mad when she didn't listen to me because i didnt understand she was just being herself and didn't need to be exactly like me. Up until college, I didn't understand that my sister didn't need to change, she needed her parents to love her as she was and help her instead of trying to mold her into some ideal of perfection. We were picked apart constantly about every little thing we did, and I was expected to always somehow know everything even if I'd never learned it before. My house was full of constant yelling due to the extremely high expectations and my mother's terrible temper, and it became a very stressful place to be starting when i was around 10. We went through a lot of financial hardships as well since I was very young, so I dont want to dismiss how hard things were for my parents and how much they went through. But I have always been hyper aware of how much it costs for me to exist as my mom stressed so many times over the years that she couldn't afford to buy even a new shirt because she had to buy stuff for us, as if that was at all our fault.
When i was in high school, my baby brother was born. He pretty much instantly became the new golden child, not only because he was the youngest and the only boy, but because it became clear at a very young age how intelligent he is. I was a straight A honors kid and he was blowing me out of the water since he learned to read. I didn't mind at all because 1) I was going to be going to college in a couple years, and 2) with our age difference, he was as much my son as my brother, and I took on a very loving parental role with him of my own volition. I also saw the promise in him and I wanted him to live a happy life. My little sister and him are very close to this day, at least to my knowledge. During this time they were still coming down really hard on my little sister, treating her as well as they always had - meaning they still yelled at her constantly and were overly critical of her and everything she even thought about doing. They talked about sending her to military school more than once, and pretty much resigned themselves to the idea my sister would never be able to live on her own before she even got to high school, let alone graduated.
Flash forward to when I was in college, I started coming home and noticing things about how my parents treated my sister, and for the first time I saw it for how terrible it was for her. The distance and time I spent away from the house helped my little sister and I completely change our relationship by my second or third year. What really solidified it was a series of events that happened my junior and senior years of college.
My sister moved to our town with her husband with their 2 very young boys, and we soon found out she was pregnant with twins. That is kind of where it all began to fall apart. Time showed not only that her husband is a massive pos, but also potentially abusive, although we never got concrete proof. As my sister's pregnancy progressed and they struggled to get on their feet, my parents started watching my nephews for hours at a time, sometimes the whole day. And if my parents had to babysit out of nowhere and put their lives on hold, me and my younger siblings were expected to do the same. No toys, no books, no games - nothing. Essentially, the entire house was expected to babysit in a way that i have been told wasn't normal. Even my little brother was expected to take on this role in caring for kids who were only a couple years younger than him. I spent my entire childhood taking care of my little sister and then my baby brother, and I hated seeing how they were doing the same to him when me and my little sister were at the age where it shouldve been left up to us. I started really butting heads with my parents as the situation progressed because they started yelling at my baby brother when the boys would even bump their heads even though it wasnt his fault. He never mistreated them, hit them, pushed them , or anything, so my parents justified it by saying he wasn't being a "good uncle" by "letting them" bump their heads on the tv stand, for example. He was expected to let them play with all of his toys, and my mom tried letting the boys use things that were very important to my brother, which would've ended up with the boys taking those things home. Saying it that way makes it sound a lot more mild that it was, but I'm trying to save time and not give out too many personal details. I guess you could say in short, my parents began expecting my elementary school age brother to give up his time, his space, his toys, his gifts - anything that meant anything to him, to help care for children when he was still a child not much older than them. I ended up giving my baby brother my room to not only keep his stuff in, but to sleep in.
In the end, my sister had the twins and then moved back to her home state about 6 months later. We think her no good husband lied to her about us and she cut contact with all of us, and we haven't heard from her since. In our house, the damage was done. I had long conversations with my little sister when our parents weren't around about how she needed to get out because of how they were treating her, and how I would eventually graduate and move to a city where I could find a job. But neither of us wanted to leave our little brother in that house because we were worried how they would treat him when we both left. Our parents had already proven they would throw any of us to the side at any second, even their golden child baby boy, and blame even him for anything that went wrong. Our parents have a history of spilling all our business at any holiday meal and badmouthing any little mistake. They would talk shit about us in front of us and shame us in front of family our entire lives, and if my sister and i weren't there to take the brunt of it, how long until they turned on my baby brother. Would they even wait until he wasn't "perfect" anymore?
Throughout all of this, I was struggling a lot in college, and starting around junior year i became very depressed and suicidal, which resulted in a major attempt in my 5th year of college, which to this day i don't like talking about. Before that, however, I went to my mom about feeling depressed and told her i thought i needed to talk to someone. She brushed me off. I was dumb enough to think that maybe she thought i was exaggerating, so i tried a second time to ask her for help about a year later, and she brushed me off again. Part of me blames her almost entirely for my attempts, because i came to her before any of them because i knew thats where it was headed if i didnt get help. All she had to do was make a couple phone calls to find me someone to talk to and she couldn't even do that for me. I was a scared girl who needed her mom's help because i didnt know who to turn to, and she turned her back on me. After my final attempt, I pulled myself up and got help, but my financial aid ran out and I was unable to return to school and finish my degree, so I went back to my parents house and was absolutely miserable for the next 6 months. I felt like a failure, like I wasn't "perfect" like i was supposed to be. I felt suffocated every single day and like the only ones who wanted me there were my siblings. One day I tried a little experiment and sat in the living room with my mom for the entire day and she didn't say one single word to me, didnt even acknowledge my existence. Ever since the stuff with my nephews happened, I had doubled my efforts to protect my siblings and take the brunt of my mom's anger, so I pushed back a lot when they tried to get onto my siblings for ridiculous things. I ended up ghosting my friends for 3 months because I was so depressed, and it really scared them. It was then I knew i had to get out of that house or it would kill me, so I moved into my grandparents' house a town over.
Things at my grandparents' house started okay, and i was even able to confide in them what had been going on at my parents' house, which in the end turned out to be a big mistake. I got a job working overnight at a retail store and met the guy who is now my boyfriend of 3 years. Unfortunately, the longer i spent at my grandparents' house the more i saw where my mom got it from, and they ended up treating me just as bad as what was going on at my parents' house. The only difference was that my sister wasn't there so i was taking the brunt of all of it. When things started getting tough for them after my grandpa retired, instead of sitting down with me like an adult and asking if it would contribute financially, my grandpa cornered me in the car when he was driving me back from work and guilted money out of me with a sob story. And guilted me at the dinner table the second time when they needed more money. One time i walked in the house after work and before i had even taken my shoes off or put my purse down to get my wallet out, he blocked the door to my room with his hand out like a loan shark to give him the money. I payed for all my own expenses, took short showers and kept as many lights off as i could, and told them not to buy me anything, even food. And in the end, even though they guilted me for money, then more money, and promised they wouldnt kick me out, they sold the house out from under me when they knew i was still trying to save for an apartment with what little money i had left a month. I ended up having to live with my best friend and her husband or i wouldve been homeless. I still helped them move even when they f-ed me over. And even after all that, I still went to holidays and visited my parents from time to time.
The last time i saw my grandparents they ran into me and my best friend in a store. My grandpa saw me first (he and my grandma were in different parts of the store), and starting yelling at me for pretty much cutting them off since i hadn't been to see them for months, and then when he started realizing he looked like the bad guy tried to make the reason i stopped talking to them about politics (i live in a conservative area) as if that would justify it. When my friend and i were trying to grab one last thing before we left because i was humiliated and trying not to cry, my grandma cornered me at the deli counter, had me pinned between the counter and a cart so i couldn't leave, and started yelling at me too. I was so broken back then, but i tried to tell both of them i would talk to them but not in the store. They just wanted to scream so we left. I haven't spoken to them since and have no plans to.
Eventually i moved 2 hours away back to the city i had went to college in. During that time, my grandparents drove the 3 hours to try to find where i lived, and then called trying to get me to come downstairs. I was asleep for work at the time but it made me feel so uncomfortable that they would do that. And after living there a year and my bf and i commuting to visit each other every other week, it came to the point where if i wanted our relationship to continue i had to move back. This is not something he ever brought up to me, this was a decision I came to on my own. So two years ago I moved back to the area I grew up in. We live an hour away from my hometown and 30 minutes away from the town i met my boyfriend in. And although he has family in both areas that we visit, I haven't seen or really talked to my parents or siblings since i initially moved out of the area.
A year ago, after a year of silence from me and from my parents, I dropped a box off at my parents' house when they weren't home with souvenirs i got them on vacation when i first moved back, short letters to each of them about the gifts, and a long video letter on a flash drive explaining everything I felt because i knew i couldn't go on without being honest and i knew if i tried to have a conversation in person, they wouldn't listen to me. I told them i wanted to keep them in my life but i couldn't ignore everything that had happened and the ways they treated me and my younger siblings. I told them i had no interest in continuing a relationship with my grandparents and that anything they have told them probably wasnt true. I sent them scans of my diaries as "proof" that i wasn't lying because that's the kind of house i grew up in - if you couldnt prove it, it didnt happen. I laid myself completely bare so that i could heal, knowing the whole time they may never want to speak to me again. I gave them pictures of me and my boyfriend and my new phone number anyway. The only thing i didn't give them was my address because we live on his family's land and his family, knowing a bit about my family and also about my grandparents essentially stalking me, don't want anyone from my family nosing around on the property. I don't want that either so i agreed not to give it out. The people in my life who knew about the box and the letter turned video letter were supportive of the idea given all i had been through, and I thought dropping it off would be the end of things.
Since then, I have healed from everything that has happened. I'm still angry and sad and i feel like I'm grieving every day, but I'm not the spineless, scared girl i used to be. My boyfriend has helped me become a better person in so many ways. But i still miss my family, especially my dad. I feel like he didnt deserve what i've done for reasons i cant go into, because the reality is he depends a lot on what my mom tells him because he works, and he trusts her deeply. I feel like in some regards he depended too much on her word, although he isnt completely innocent. There's obviously a lot more to my story that what I have here or else I'd be writing an autobiography, but just know if this all sounds like it isn't a big deal, I have so many stories and so much more detail that isn't safe to give out here.
The reality is my parents and i pushed each other away until we all became strangers long before everything blew up. I felt like a stranger from the time i left for college. I was made to feel like if i wasn't at home, i was a second thought, and a lot of very serious issues happened while i was away that i didnt find out about until i came home. My last year of college i was physically starving and could only afford to eat one meal a day if that. When i had left for school at the beginning of that school year my mother made it clear i had to figure it all out myself because they had no money to give me, but then i came home for Christmas and everyone but me had all new electronics. I cried asking for money to buy my uniform to start my campus job but they bought all new computers and tablets. And that stung.
Last Christmas, my parents and siblings messaged me. It was the first time I had heard from them since before i dropped off the box. It was just a Merry Christmas, but it absolutely shocked me. And then they all messaged again on my birthday. Same thing, just little pleasantries, but it makes me feel like maybe that door isn't closed. However, I have absolutely no idea if we can move forward, if they want to, or even if its a good idea to try. I have struggled a lot since college about whether or not all of this and everything I wasn't able to share here is or is not a big deal. I've had people close to me listen to my whole story and call it emotional neglect and abuse, but I just don't know. I feel crazy most of the time, and I'm afraid I'm exaggerating or making it up for attention or something, which also doesn't make sense. I struggle a lot in my day to day. I am ruled by the emotions of those around me and i cower like a kicked puppy when people around me are upset, even if its not my fault. I get ashamed when i make a mistake or i'm not "perfect", and if my feelings are valid I have no idea if it would be a good idea to get back in touch. But i think about if/when my boyfriend and i get married, and how i have no family to sit on my side. It sometimes feels like it's my fault because i wasn't strong enough to just shut up and deal with it anymore. At this point I dont know what is the right answer, what's going to finally give me peace. For now, I just keep moving forward trying to build a better life with my boyfriend and hope all the pieces will fall into place later.

I need advice.
I have a lovely woman in my life for whom i care alot about, i love her with all my heart and want to give the world to her. But sometimes i end up hurting her and disappointing her, because i miss on few things. I genuinely care about her and do things for her, like flowers, love letters, gifts, surprises, lovely texts, showing interests in her hobbies and her life, and according to her, I am a good boyfriend, i believe so, i am, but sometimes i miss when it comes to small stuff, like knowing her period dates, being really patient with her on those times, also posting her pictures in return when she posted mine.
i thought it was okay, because in the past, she had posted my pictures, and i hadnt reciprocated that well, and it was okay, she didnt say anything; one more time it happened and she let me know to post her, then i did do it, and last night i forgot. It was bad, she felt hurt, she felt i dont care about her. We had an argument. Because according to her, there's no meaning in doing anything after she has asked me to do it, rather i should do it by myself. I agree with that, i should show more care and affection about small gestures too, beacause they mean something. But i didnt, because 1) Few things i didnt know i should care about 2) i expected it was okay.
i know men and women function differently, for her, Me doing it , means alot more, rather than me, just having the intentions of doing it. I get it. Doing it is more important. Rather than just thinking about doing it, and not doing it.
Thats why i am here to ask you, what are the things, small or big gestures of love and care, that a woman expects her man to do? .One was, remembering her periods and her moods, anything more. I really care about her and i dont to make her feel like i dont. So your input will be really valuable.

**TL;DR;** it is about me doing everything but going short on small gestures for.