Walking with dildo

I 19 female, I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years with John (fake name) 19 male. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16. For context, John and I met in a group and since then we started talking. (I was dating my ex, but when I realized that I had developed feelings for John I ended that relationship.) In this group he was a big womanizer, and he talked to his ex, which didn't bother me since I never thought there was anything malicious about it. 4 months later I asked John if he felt anything for me, because he was acting romantic and sweet toward me, he said yes and then we started dating. (Note: he was jealous of my friends). A few weeks after we started dating, and all of our mutual friends knew about our relationship, and he didn't feel uncomfortable with people knowing about it, I sent him Intimate photos, he went on and sent these photos to our group, where there were more than 100 people, including our friends. When I saw it I was shocked and immediately left the group. My friends came to talk to me and so did he. He apologized, said he was going to send these photos to a group that was just him because according to him it was easier for him to see. Reading this now I realize it's a strange thing... but at the time I was so in love that I excused him. That same day we made a video call until I went to sleep, he praised me a lot, dedicated some songs to me, it was very romantic.During the next few weeks we made video calls every day, watched movies, listened to music, talked a lot until the early hours of the morning. There was a day when a girl joined the group where we were, and she and I became very good friends, there ended up being a lot of confusion because she wanted to date John, but he didn't want to. However, he always asked for intimate photos for her or for another girl in the group, he said it was to make me jealous, he ended up sending some intimate photos to her too. Well, a few months passed and I was suffering with my mental health, a few months before I met him I had tried to take my life, and I was under psychiatric care. During that time I started smoking and hurting myself, but he always helped me not to do so and always asked me to stop smoking and never use drugs. Until one day I was having an anxiety attack and felt the need to hurt myself while I was on a call with him, so he asked me to write his name on my skin with the razor. I did, he laughed. Some more time passed and I experienced what I think was an attack of schizophrenia, I saw and heard a person talking to me and asking me to do certain things that would hurt me. John stayed on video call with me while he tried to calm me down and said everything was ok and asked me to pray. That day my mother had gone to work, so I was alone at home, she wouldn't come back until 1pm. A few months later he asked me to buy some sex toys, I initially refused and was a little afraid, but then I agreed and bought my first vibrator. He always asked for videos and photos, or even for me to use the vibrator on a video call, as he always sent photos and videos and even did things on a call, I accepted. It turned out that I got sick, I couldn't walk, I felt a lot of pain, very strong cramps, I went to the hospital but it didn't help. I took some medication but none of it helped. Jonh was worried about me and asked me to go back to the hospital, which I did, but once again it didn't do much good. Then in December he asked me to buy another toy, but this time it would be a dildo. I was very afraid to buy it since I didn't have much privacy at home, but I bought it. When it arrived, he asked me to use it but I said I wasn't going to use it at that moment because I wanted to wash it first and then use it but my mother was in the living room so there was no way. He was extremely upset, he said that I had promised to use it the day I arrived and that he was tired from work and just wanted it to cheer him up a little. We argued a little and went to sleep.Cut to a few months later when he got a new job (he worked with his father), met some new people and completely changed. He became cold, distant, wanted everything his way or he would get upset and give me the silent treatment. Since then we started fighting almost every day, sometimes several times during the day. He always said he would break up with me if I didn't do what he wanted or the way he wanted, as I was "blind", so to speak, I always did everything. I don't want to go into too much detail but this but one thing you need to know is that during one of those fights he told me "welcome to hell". Since then everything has gotten worse. For me to achieve the minimum I had to do everything he wanted, how he wanted and when he wanted, in his time. If he wanted videos, I had to record them and send them to him, otherwise he He said he was going to break up with me or that he wouldn't talk to me until I sent the videos. I'm not a saint either, I often freaked out because of jealousy and when I saw that he had followed his ex I got really upset, because she was the only one who made me insecure, and he knew that. One thing I forgot to mention was that he told me at the beginning that he only followed some friends and family (he told me who was who and that if I wanted I could remove someone). Another thing I forgot to mention was that he's been in a group for a few years where his friends who are in that group always hit on him, he's kind of reciprocal with them. He never let me go there because according to him I wouldn't like the type of humor they have there... a group that sends a lot of videos and photos of naked women, women dancing.. But he refuses to leave because he "is already a long-time member there, and his friends are there", in his words. Coming back, he told me that he only followed her because she followed him first and I told him that if she followed him it was because he unblocked her, he was upset that I said that and blocked her again. Some time later I returned to the hospital with some urgency as I was unable to cope with the pain, I needed to stay there overnight whilst receiving medication. He wasn't happy about it at all since that meant there would be no videos or photos. The doctors asked me to do some tests as quickly as possible to try to find out the cause of this pain, which they thought was the kidneys (but it wasn't).This meant I had to leave the house and go to the clinics to schedule exams and take them. He was never happy when I needed to leave the house or when I went out with my family. Cut to a time later when we broke up (my initiative) and I put all the toys in the trash. He was super upset and we kind of talked back and forth (I know what many off you will think But I couldn't really break up with him. So he made me buy all the toys again. That is what happened. Well, I bought not only the toys but also some lingerie. He really liked that and it seemed like we were finally okay. But it didn't last long. Soon we fought again and broke up, once again I put everything in the trash, he came back, he forced me again Buying but he was the one who bought the things. He continued to force me to record the videos and send them to him. During this time of ending the relationship and coming back, ending the relationship and coming back, I called his friends to ask for help. John was super upset with this attitude of mine. He told me that I made a mistake and broke his trust. Then time passed and he went on a trip with his family when he returned home, it was on a day when there was a party in his city and his friends were going. When he got home he told me and said he was going to sleep. I was suspicious so I went to look at his friend's profile and guess what? His friend had just post a story where John appeared. Same t-shirt, same cap. The same face. Obviously I confronted him about it and he told me it wasn't him because he was sleeping at home. I didn't believe it but leave it behind. At this point, my best friend couldn't take it anymore, almost every day of me crying to her about John and his actions. A few weeks went by and I asked his friend if it was really John or not, he said no (I believe he was covering it up.So he went to get a tattoo, on his neck. When it was over he went to sleep. I don't remember that day well but I remember that I called him many times that night and when he answered I heard moaning.. so I hung up and told my best friend. I called again and again and when he answered I heard the sound of a car. I was devastated, I couldn't believe it. The next morning he freaked out at me, and said he was sleeping. First he said that his mother had answered the phone, then he said that he had answered the phone and that the moans were his because of the tattoo. I pretended this situation hadn't happened and we moved on. (note: I was emotionally dependent on him) Cut to January of this year, when he asked me to open up the relationship as this wasn't working. I said no, and that in my view it was like cheating but without the burden of conscience. So he continued to treat me badly. He admitted that when he first started treating me badly it was only because he wanted me to break up with him. (he thought traumatizing me and triggering me was a good idea) He told me he didn't want me to see his Facebook so I wouldn't see his relatives' profiles. When I asked about some people he followed that he had already said were cousins, he said that they were friends or that he didn't know that his friends had asked him to follow them and sending messages to them. When I followed someone he always freaked out and asked who he was over and over again, for example: I followed someone, John saw it and sent me a message asking who it was, I replied "he's a friend of mine" Then John would go on "who is he?" and again "who is he?" and again and again... Two months ago he said he wanted some time, I said very badly, he said it could be but that we wouldn't be with other people nor would there be flirting with other people. He agreed. But then we got into a big fight where he threatened me with a lawsuit, he didn't give me reasons or anything, he just said he was going to sue me. I insisted on knowing why he only said he was going to have to pay him a high price and I would probably go to prison. So for the next 3 days this was our topic of conversation, him threatening me, me crying, and asking why. Then I reached my limit On the day of the last lawsuit threat, I told my mother about him, the way he treated me and that I wanted a new cell phone number.(She didn't know, I never told her about him. Although he tried to contact her a few times. But I blocked him) So we went to buy a new contact for me, as he couldn't call me or get in touch with me anywhere. He asked some people to call my mother and my friends. My friends were talking to me and sending me screenshots of everything, so someone sent him the link to our group and he went in there and found out my new number. I was weakened when my friend told me that he was crying and that he told him that he loved me and that he was afraid of losing me. So I said okay I could talk to him. He told me some things like that he was sorry for making me suffer. I tried to understand his side. We came back. But I told him that the first thing he did I would leave. I did not go. And I regret it. He was never affectionate, or cute with me again. He continued to force me to send him photos and videos. And doing what he wanted. He was upset when I left. He didn't like me posting full body photos or showing more. Whereas he could go around shirtless, send shirtless photos to his group, post shirtless photos online. Once he published a photo of a photo with his cousin and hid it from me so I wouldn't see it (I knew he was going to this party, he had told me, it was a family party) Since then, I went to lawyers to ask for advice. One of the people I managed to talk to, as it was online and free, told me to contact the police and that what he was doing was wrong. Every time I ask him something he gets upset and says they are useless questions, that I'm stupid, I don't understand anything. Whenever he forces me to record something, he never sends anything. He always says he's tired, But if his friends ask him to go out or go to dinner or do anything, he'll go, even if he's tired. This is it. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm really afraid that he'll do something, after so many threats, and all the lies. I have the support of my family and friends. I'm sorry if there are some mistakes, I used the translator and tried to explain more or less all the information you should know. Please be friendly.

Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

TL:DR at the bottom! Read that first because I'm horrible at writing even the shortest of essays, also working right now so I don't have time just an extremely quick vent.
Going to keep it short and simple as possible because it's better that way.
Most probably going to sound like a wimpy kid but I think it's kind of over for me, I've made so many mistakes with the chicks that were into me in high school that they all became uninterested in me. I was just an extremely soft dude who didn't put dating into the next level (getting in bed with my dates) and I wasn't as handsome so that they would grab me by my crotch or something like that, so they all became really bored/annoyed of me.
Also overromanticized a girl which I talked to for literally 3 minutes in real life and 15 total minutes on Instagram, not going to get into the details I just approached her and was completely shy and mumbled something to her (basically asked her out), she instantly rejected me. We were both young and it was innocent, I'm really happy I approached her that day now, but back in the day I was extremely sad and mad, I was an even wimpier kid than now. What I'm not happy about is that I was ghosting her irl in school, because she rejected me and also didn't text me back on Facebook (she probably didn't even see the message because facebook is messy and puts non friend messages to a certain hidden message section), she was visibly mad iirc. All of this doesn't matter that much either to be honest, we talked after I even gave her a little love letter with a gift :3 . I respect her a lot and of course still have a crush on her, but nothing serious I'm not a stalkepsycho. Just needed to include this in the post because I still think I fumbled her and she means a lot to me to this very day, healthy or unhealthy to ponder about this encounter still idk and idc tbh.
After high school came online dating (Tinder). I was started getting into one night stands, thinking back now the few first girls I slept with were really hot but I was underperforming in bed or was just a complete weirdo in general (not much skill with chicks still back then). I was also a casual porn consumer until around my first couple one night stands, which was a really big mistake, porn probably impacted a lot of things in my life even though I was a pretty light consumer of it.
I've had 2 short (couple of months) friendship with benefits or situationships whatever you might want to call them around this time from Tinder. Both chicks cut it with me but I didn't care that much I was already dead inside a bit.
Hooking up with strangers from tinder was a huge mistake, I became a complete womanizewoman hater. Made me feel bitter about how I fumbled a lot of chicks in high school who liked me, I have the feeling they dumped me just because I didn't F their brains out, which they probably dumped me for to be really honest. Made me feel that I'm just a walking dildo.
My wording/composition might be horrible and the little wimpy storyline above might as well just be a past pondering messed up anxiety vent.
What I'm trying to get at is that I became completely bitter person, extremely horny with little to no friends and no female partner (friend or sex partner even). I hate my past, I hate where I'm at now, I kinda hate women a bit too still although I think that's gonna completely fade away very soon. I don't think I'm gonna find women in the future (balding, I'm unsuccessful in my work hence I'm broke and time is ticking).
I also think of my past mistakes too much, in an extremely unhealthy way, I have the feeling that it's all over forever and I've been robbed of everything. It's eating me up inside. Curious if any of you feel the same a bit and how do you fight it, days just go by I know sometimes it's better sometimes it's worse but I feel the same since nearly 6-7 years for now. Completely burnt out after high school it seems, I peaked at high school and I didn't ride the waves properly? I feel like I fumbled the bag/chicks and it's just over.
TL:DR
I think of my past mistakes for 6-7 years now which seems to be extremely unhealthy, I missed out on all of teen love/teen sex and it made me extremely bitter.
What I'm really mad for is that I can't seem to live/enjoy life properly, I put myself in an imaginary idiotic different timeline that I ponder on, being depressed about the good old "WHAT IF" if you know what I mean, it's really eating me up inside and I have no idea how to deal with it because the feeling is just becoming stronger and stronger.
Curious if a phsyciatrist/phsychologist can do something with this or I shouldn't consult with them and I'm just a wimpy lame kid who just needs to man up. I try my best still tho, I work out, my hobby is my work and I make better money than my friends do, just got my license, have a car, fixed my sleep schedule etc.

My jobs sooo boring. That’s until a hot mom walks In the shop with her son. She’s been in a few times now. Last time was the best. She came in on her own. Not with her son. With a tight cream coloured dress. Her ass is massive. Tits at gorgeous and that face and hair. She has a cross tattoo right I’m between her eyebrows. And bleached hair.
That time was the best. I couldn’t take my eyes away from that fat ass. Just writing this. Imagining her thicc cheeks being covered in her own shit. While I’m chained. Naked lying on the floor. In her bedroom. With condoms filled to the brim with piss. And cum. And massive logs of her creammy warm turds. With a sharp. Razor sharp pole deep in my cock hole. My nipples clamped with weighted piercing hole into them. My balls being crushed by a flattening plate. Making them flat. And my ass. A massive 13” x 8” knot dildo. All the way in me. Even the base.
I love work. Hehe

Keith's Transformation Ch 4 [M30s/M30s/F30s][crossdressing][femdom][chastity][first time bi][blowjob]
Friday morning came, meaning it had been a week since their session, and Keith couldn’t stop wondering about the surprise Jasmine had mentioned. His cock was still locked away, and though he had grown used to the weight, it served as a constant reminder. He had to laugh at the irony, the cage making him horny while also preventing him from so much as getting hard, much less getting relief.
As he started getting ready for the day, he was intrigued to find a pair of silk panties and a note in his underwear drawer. He could nearly hear the words written in Jasmine’s dominant voice. “I think you should wear these today. I want to make sure you’re in the mood for tonight.” His cock fought against the cage as his thoughts fought between sexy fantasies of what was coming, and the embarrassment of wearing panties all day. Nevertheless he pulled them on, leaving his folded boxers in the drawer.
His day passed in a daze, barely able to focus on the work he was doing. His heart skipped a beat every time someone came to his desk to ask a question, and through every meeting, sure someone would notice somehow. When the end of the day came, he rushed to pack up and head out, politely declining offers to go out for a drink from a few co-workers on his team.
Dinner was mercilessly normal. Jasmine gave nothing away, almost as if she hadn’t been taunting him about tonight for a week. It wasn’t until later, as he was bent over loading the dishwasher, that she made her move. She came up behind him, hand rubbing over his ass and whispered in his ear “When you’re done there, come upstairs so we can get ready for your surprise. You’ve been such a patient girl for me.” His cock twitched against the cage as she walked off and he hurried to finish loading the last of the plates.
He came into the room as she finished laying out his outfit for the night, but he was surprised to see she wasn’t dressed yet. She looked at him expectantly and he stripped and started to put on his outfit for the night. It started with a pair of black lacy panties that swallowed up his caged package, leaving just the hint of a bulge. This was followed shortly by soft fishnet leggings, though he left the heels for now. A lacy bra matched the panties, and he was surprised to find that some clever padding and positioning turned his natural, slightly flabby chest into a perky pair of A cups, complete with a hint of cleavage. Finally, he pulled the dress on top, taking a few moments to adjust the mesh sleeves and straps, and stepped into a pair of high heels.
Once he was dressed, she sat him on the bed and grabbed her makeup. This was new, but he sat obediently as she went at him with brushes and pencils. Satisfied, she gave his ass a slap before leaving to get ready herself.
Keith stared in disbelief at the woman he saw in the full-length mirror in front of him. A pair of crimson, three-inch heels started the outfit, giving way to fishnets running up her smooth legs. The centerpiece of the outfit was a black and red gothic Lolita dress. Fluffy ruffles and frills of lace gave a playful edge to the short skirt and revealing top. Transparent black mesh covered her arms below the shoulder. The top was low cut, dipping low enough to give just a peak of her small but firm cleavage. Straps ran from the top to a trimmed collar around her neck. Her dark hair was left down, falling just short of her shoulders, framing her face. Her lips were painted with a deep red that looked nearly black, giving sharp contrast to her pale skin. Light mascara and eye shadow drew attention to her piercing blue eyes that seemed to look through Keith’s soul as he stared.
The sight left Keith in a daze, there was no way he was looking at himself. There wasn’t a trace of himself in the reflection, no matter where he looked. No, this wasn’t him anymore. Sure, Keith was the one looking into the mirror, but Kelly was staring back at him.
“How the hell did I get here?” He asked himself, then shook his head to clear his thoughts as he heard Jasmine coming back.
His eyes widened as he saw her outfit for the night. She stood before him in a white suit that had just a hint of pearlescent shine. Matching pearl earrings glinted from among her flowing hair. The suit jacket was fastened by just one button right below her cleavage, showing and framing a lacy crimson corset displaying her impressive cleavage. The crisp suit pants stopped right above her ankles, giving clear view of blood red heels to match the corset. Her own makeup was impeccably done. Around her neck was a thin silver chain. Dangling on the end, resting just above her cleavage, was a small padlock key.
“Ready to go Kelly?” She asked, taking his hand before he could respond. His heart was pounding as she grabbed her purse and pulled him to the garage. She ushered him into the passenger side of the car and climbed in. She saw the panic clear on his face and took his hand, smiling at him.
“We don’t have to go out, we can just go back upstairs. But I want to see you suck a real cock, and I think you want to be a good girl and show me, don’t you?” His submissive urge to please her warred with his humiliation, the two feelings mixing and setting off a storm of desire in his chest. She whispered in his ear and his fate was sealed. “Are you going to be my good girl?” Keith nodded weakly. He, or tonight rather she, was Jasmine’s to command.
Jasmine drove them through the town, one hand resting on Kelly’s leg for support, pulling into the parking lot of a small local bar. Once again taking her hand as they entered the bar, Kelly could feel multiple pairs of eyes on them as they entered. She supposed they did make quite the pair. Jasmine led her to a booth in the corner, leaving her to sit as she went for drinks.
A few minutes into their drinks and chatting someone approached their booth. Kelly nearly jumped in surprised as he said hi, but Jasmine clapped in excitement. “John! You’re right on time. This is Kelly, she’s who I was telling you about. Kelly this is John, he’s going to help us tonight.” She said with a knowing wink in her direction.
A few drinks and a short walk later, the three of them found themselves in a hotel room Jasmine had reserved for the night. As soon as they got in the room, Jasmine grabbed Kelly by the hair and pulled her towards the bed. John pulled off his shirt and pants, but as he was hooking in his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear he was stopped by Jasmine. “Leave the boxers, I want her to get the full reveal.” He shrugged and came to sit on the edge of the bed in front of them.
Jasmine pulled Kelly’s head in front of his crotch then leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Now be a good girl and give me a good show.” Kelly shuddered, her dick fighting to rise in her cage, as she looked at the obvious bulge in front of her. Jasmine let her go and moved to sit in a chair off to the side, unbuttoning her suit jacket as she sat. “I’m waiting slut.” Kelly slowly pulled off his boxers, eyes widening as his cock came into view. Already hard, he was even bigger than the strap-on Jasmine had trained her with. Licking her lips, she opened her mouth and took the head in with no hesitation. She paused for a minute, not used to the taste and the warmth compared to the dildos she was used to sucking. John’s hand came to rest lightly on her head and she went to work.
She started slow, sucking gently on the head as she swirled her tongue around, then moving down his shaft slowly. She wrapped one hand around the base of his shaft and stroked slowly as she bobbed over the first few inches of his dick. His hand pushed lightly on the back of her head, fingers twisting in her hair as she sucked and licked. Her hand moved down to play with his balls as she lowered her mouth completely down his shaft. She looked up at him with lust in her eyes as she deepthroated his dick, reveling in his soft groans as his cock stretched her throat.
Over in the chair, Jasmine’s pants were around her ankles and her fingers were rubbing her clit furiously. Her gaze fixed on the sight of Kelly on her knees, her throat bulging around John’s thick cock. “God yes baby, you’re such a good girl.” She moaned out, slipping two fingers inside herself. “Show me what a good cock sucker you are.” Kelly redoubled her efforts and started to slide faster up and down his dick. John groaned, letting her go for a few minutes before tightening his grip and taking control. He held her head in place and started thrusting at a brutal pace. Drool dripped off Kelly’s chin as he fucked her face, using her mouth fast and hard. Kelly’s dick was leaking precum into her panties as she was used like a cheap toy.
It didn’t take long before John groaned loudly and pulled her as far as he could down his dick. She felt his dick throb as he pumped his cum directly down her throat and heard Jasmine moan out loudly as her own orgasm overtook her. John pulled her off his dick, causing the last few shots of cum to fill her mouth and splash across her face. Pulling her glistening fingers from her pussy, Jasmine smiled a wicked smile as she looked at Kelly’s cum smeared face.
“Good girl. You did so well. Now for the main event...”

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Chapter III - Is that baklava, or are you just happy to see me? San Francisco, California - Market & Castro - June 1st, 2008
Number 5: "So there I was, at a Fetus/GWAR concert and I'm right at the barricade at the very front between sets, and there's this super HOT fucking bouncer chick, right? And she's staring right at me, and I look right at Oderus, and he looks right at me, and we both stare at this fine ass bouncer working crowd security at the front. Then, just out of nowhere, she lifts her shirt and whips her tits out and points at her mouth, and they aim the blood canon right at her and absolutely blast her with purple monster blood all over her in the face and tits. And me and Oderus look at her, then each other, and then just shrug, and man. It was fucking awesome..."
Command: "When was the last time you went to a GWAR concert, Five?"
Number 5: "It was at least back in 03'... Hold up. We've got Cookie monsters gathering in Jane Warner Plaza... You seeing this Seven?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Copy that, five. They just hopped out of the MUNI, and looks like they're getting hot for boy pussy... Fucking dickholes..."
Command: "Okay ladies, don't get your panties in a twist. We need this to go down quietly. Do you have eyes on the package?"
Number 6: "Packages everywhere. Literally, but not the one we're looking for..."
Number 8: "Be advised, we've got Hajis and Skinnies popping out of the Muni station. Looks like they're here for more than just tail. Do you see this Command?"
Command: "Roger that, Eight. Keep it tight and don't let them out of your sight. Five, I want a danger close tail on those fuckwads, and find out if they're here for the package."
Number 5: "Copy, Command. I'll drop a line to the West Side Story boys, and see if they can keep a visual. Just a sec... Crutchie, do you read?"
Crutchie: "Oooh, is that who I think it is? Five, Darling. You never called me back after last time... And I thought we had sooo much in common."
Number 5: "Well that was before you made out with and keestered our asset, and made him pop positive for molly on a piss test, Crutchie..."
Crutchie: *Twirls a lock of hair* Whatever, Five. And he was soooo hot to trot too. Tsssssss."
Number 6: "Doesn't Crutchie always try to bone all of our assets?"
Crutchie: "Only if they're hot enough, Six..."
Number 8: "By the way Crutchie, really digging the whole hipsteClark Kent get up you've got going for you. Does it normally get you tagged by boner, or is that how you always dress when courting an investment banker?"
Crutchie: "Only when they're getting right off of work and hitting the club scene, Eight. Okay, I've got visual on the Skinnies. I'll have Leather Daddy run the tail from here, and we'll have Gilette and Stabby watch from their perch."
Number 6: "Tell Gilette I said Hi. Is she still dating that fucking twat from Jersey? Last time we had an engagement, she almost blew the whole damned OP over a tray of creme brulee..."
Crutchie: "Yeah, well bitch had a sweet tooth... Never get between a woman and what she's craving during a pregnancy..."
Number 7/Overwatch: "We've got a problem. Looks like the Skinnies are heading over to the deli for some falafel, and they've got company. Looks like the Greek mobsters from Kearny Street we saw last week..."
Command: "Keep it cool, ladies. The last thing we need is for one of you to get made if these fuckers start exchanging bullets. Hopefully they keep their dildos in their holsters..."
Crutchie: "Speaking of dildos, when's the last time you had some poon, Five? It's been what, over a year since you had that hot goth chick you were making out with at my mom's apartment? Or are you into dudes now?"
Number 5: "I don't get attached, Crutchie. I'm here for a good time, not a long time. Remember?"
Crutchie: "Okay, if you say so, but you still didn't answer my question, darling..."
Stabby: "Daddy, do you have visual? Pop a twenty in the deli and order some baklava. Find out if these fuckers are here for the package."
Leather Daddy: "If you say so, sweetie. And ooooh, good call. The baklava is to die for. You've absolutely gotta try some sometime..."
Stabby: "Be advised, Six. We've got the Sesame Street convention hopping out of the MUNI station. Looks like the perverts you warned us about on the APB."
Number 6: "Got visual, and yep. Those are the same perps."
Crutchie: "I don't want to be a party pooper, ladies, but I've got an investment banker to impress... Think you can party with Stabby and Gilette for now?"
Number 5: "Damn it, Crutchie... and by impress you mean..."
Crutchie: "Always sweetheart."
*The four suspects start heading over to the Palestinian Deli*
Number 6: "We've got a problem, looks like the Cookie Monsters already know the Greek Malacca fuckwads... Command, you seeing this?"
Command: "Affirmative, Six. Standby for further instructions. Daddy, how's the baklava looking?"
Leather Daddy: "Oooh, sweet as can be. You like shwarma, sweetie?"
Command: "Not really, Daddy. Kebabs are my thing, and usually salmon if they have it, and have decent enough tatsiki sauce."
Number 7/Overwatch: "One of the skinnies isn't looking so hot. You see the heat on him? He's burning up..."
Crutchie: "And by burning up, I'm going to assume you mean in a less than sexy way?"
Stabby: "Confirmed on the thermal, Seven. He's got a temp of over 107 .
*The Somalian youth in the leather jacket keels over to his hands and knees and starts coughing up blood*
Number 6: "Well, that's not a good sign... You seeing this command?"
Command: "Affirmative, Six. Keep a distance in case he's got ebola or some shit. Daddy? Be advised, the skinny in front of the deli is coughing up blood. Keep a good gap and follow the others when they move.
Leather Daddy: "Yes, Mommy. I thought you'd never ask."
Stabby: "Looks like the Hajis are heading across the street to the bodega next to the bakery/ice cream shop. Standby, Daddy. This could get complicated. Let's see what these fuckers are about.
Leather Daddy: "Oooh, what a co-inky-dink. My girls are getting ready for Rocky tonight. They're at Starbucks right now. Should I give them a ringy-dingy?
Gilette: "Copy that, Daddy. The more the merrier."
Number 6: "Looks like the Skinnies are on the move, and they don't seem to give a fuck about their buddies well being, they're just dragging him along..."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Yep, looks like they're heading into the plaza in front of Twin Peaks right now. Those Malacca fucks are still milling about with the Sesame Street parade."
Number 5: "Copy that. Let's keep the logistics for this shit under wraps. Dykie, Stabby, Daddy? We'll do a split push. You have your girls at Starbucks watch the Hajis, and we'll keep an eye on the Plaza. If anymore Cookie Monsters pop up out of the Muni, I'm going to get fucking heartburn."
July 2nd, 2008 - 2148 Hours San Francisco, California - Market & Castro - June 1st, 2008
*The four Muhajadeen gatherered in front of the bodega, while the elder with the flowing beard and trucker cap walked in the front door. Sueliman lit a cigarette while Mohammed and Ismael looked at Mehmed sideways*
*Simultaneously, Dave and Richard sat in Jane Warner Plaza, reading magazines and eating sandwiches they bought moments earlier from next door to Twin Peaks.*
Sgt. Dave: "You ever get the feeling we're in the wrong line of work? I mean, with all the shit going on in the world today, we could be overseas making a difference, and instead we're walking a beat to protect a bunch of entitled liberals and hipsters..."
Pvt. Richard: "You're barking up the wrong tree with that one, Sarge. I already did my tour, and it was a steaming pile of dog shit. War is still not over. Not by a long shot. I'll take walking a beat with this crowd any time, compared to getting keestered in some Iraqi shithole mosque's basement, any day of the fucking week."
Number 5: "Be on the lookout, we've got two cops sitting in the plaza and they are completely fucking clueless to the Sesame Street brigade gathering around them."
Stabby: "Copy that, Five. They're beat cops, and they're usuals in this neck of the woods. They're not involved in policing this kind of shit..."
Leather Daddy: "Ooooh girls, looks like we got some boys from the Bin Laden fan club gathering in front of the bodega, and I think they're there to buy more than just bongs and zig zags..."
Number 6: "Copy that, Daddy. Looks like the Skinnies are walking past the Cafe and are heading down Market. The Greeks are still hanging out in front of the deli..."
Gilette: "Looks like Rip Van Wrinkle from the Muhajedeen is going to be in there for a while. Standby. Yo, Daddy. Can you get a stoner or hardcore pothead to drop in there and see what the fuck is going on inside?
Leather Daddy: "Passing Squat and Gobble right now, tailing the pirates. I'll see what I can do... Heeeeeey, Javier?"
Javier: "God damn it, dude. I told you not to call me this early. I'm not holding and the dispensary doesn't restock until Tuesday..."
Leather Daddy: "Well, see. If you could help a brother out, I've got this group from the Bin Laden fan club at the bodega bong shop around the corner from the flag, and I really need someone to drop by and give a looksie. Could you be a dear and do me a favor, just this once?"
Javier: "Yeah, yeah, Daddy-o. I'll have one of the Punk rockers from up the street drop by and get a pair of ears in there. It could be a minute though..."
Leather Daddy: "Ahoy! The sooner the better sweetie. We're running a tight ship."
Javier: "Got someone walking up the block on a parallel route right now. Should be there in a minute twenty."
Leather Daddy: "Fantastic! I'll definitely owe you one, Javi."
Javier: "Any time, Daddy-O."
*Just then, a Ford Explorer pulled up at the intersection of Market and Castro, with 20" rims and neon lights on the under carriage. "Mac Dre" was dumping out of the woofers*
Stabby: "And look who it is..."
Gilette: "Sauce boss is early today, eh?"
Stabby: "Probably about to hit the Cafe for the usual customers. If they run into the Sesame Street convention in the plaza, we could be looking at a shootout in the making..."
Number 6: "Be advised, Greeks are looking heated."
Number 5: "Don't tell me those malacca fuckwads are thinking what I think they're thinking..."
Command: "Five, Six, Seven, Eight! Do NOT engage! I repeat! Do NOT engage!"
Gilette: "Oh, Motherfucker-"
*The Greeks in front of the Palestinian deli eyeballed the Ford Explorer and reached into their coats as it rounded the corner on Castro. That's when Intratec Tec DC-9s with extended barrels and 30 round mags popped out of the windows, and it began to rain 9mm x 19mm shell casings and ball parabellum rounds.* _.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-.
Chapter 4 - We need more cone charges... Hayward, California - July 6th 2008 - 0324 Hours Mobile Task Force - Epsilon Bravo VII (The Renegades)
EB7-5: "Well that was a shitshow the other night..."
EB7-6: "Yeah, tell me about it, Five. And we got reassigned to the Scooby Squad and the Mystery Machine? Literally, how in the fuck does that happen?"
EB7-8: "Well, those coke dealers weren't playing around when those Greek kid fuckers reached for their jammies..."
EB7-7/Overwatch: "No shit. It was curtains the minute they dug in. Damned shamed about the package though, we almost had that fucker."
EB7-6: "Hey Five, you know if those cops made it? The ones in the plaza?"
EB7-5: "They were wearing standard issue kevlar. The few strays the sergeant caught to the torso tagged him in the vest, but one got him in the shoulder. The Private got one in the pelvis, so he's in ICU still. We don't know if he'll pull through."
EB7-8: "They were a game changer though, through and through. Lucky for the Sergeant, that Private was a Seal."
EB7-5: "Well, that made all the difference in that world." she said, making a wide covering arc with her extended barrel AA-12 as she knelt and held up a balled fist to Six and Eight, a 30 round drum of 12-gauge Thamauturgically enhanced cobalt slugs hung from beneath her weapon, and two more drums were in her pack, just like the rest of her 3 person fire team whom also had similar loadouts of AA-12s, each one with a secondary loadout of short barrel SCAR-Light bullpups and several 30 round magazines in their Boron-Ceramic armor's LBVs. Seven had standard issue .50 Cal tungsten carbide SLAP rounds enhanced with neutronic singularity dispersement tips at the ready, and an FN-FS2000 with lithium plasma phase differential bullets.
EB7-Command: "Good evening, Ladies..."
EB7-6: "Holy fuck, is that Gator?"
EB7-Command: "The one and only, Six."
EB7-5: "Congrats on the promotion, Captain. Glad to have you join us..."
EB7-Command: "Thanks, Five. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but switch to your visors. You've got some tangoes up ahead and I don't think they're here for tea."
EB7-5: "Roger that. Gear up girls, this is what we signed up for. Switching to multispectral..."
Professor Chaos: "Wait for me to run point up ahead, and you three cover me. I need to see what these things are up to..."
EB7-5: "Copy that, Skippy. Just don't get your damned arms ripped off, got it?"
Professor Chaos: "Roger that, Five. I'm Oscar Mike, with Charlie..." he said, as he closed his eyes and began walking, doing his best to concentrate, craning his head from right to left. Taking a bandana out of his pouch, he tied it around his eyes so he wouldn't have any distractions...
Professor Chaos: "Be advised, I'm reading some temporal-spatial anomalies about half a click ahead."
EB7-Command: 'You can fucking see that shit, Skippy?"
Professor Chaos: "Five, now would be a damned good time to deploy a mobile Scranton Beam Projector..."
EB7-5: "Copy that, Skippy. Tripod deploying the directed energy stabilization field in ten seconds." Ten seconds later, there was a brief temporal distortion, and the spatial fabric of the facility wavered and shimmered momentarily.
EB7-5: "Temporal-Spatial stabilization synchronized, Skippy. You're clear to proceed."
EB7-6: "Didn't Nazis used to use this place as a secret base after the war?"
EB7-Command: "Correct, Six. Those fuckers were hiding under everyone's noses for decades until OSI flushed them out in the 70's. Place has been In-OP and direlect for decades, but the Serpents Legion teamed up with what was left of the Ahnernerbe Inner Circle back in the Satanic Panic of the 80's and 90's. They've been using the place on and off since then..."
EB7-Gunny: "Lance and I will keep watch here on the surface and give you a heads up if anyone decides to drop by. As of now though, not a soul knows were here, and Higher made sure to keep it dark on signals. We're the only one's that will be in or out... Professor, don't get shanked by a fucking sorcerer now, or worse get Shanghai'ed by the damned cult. Motherfuckers will be sad if your ass gets eaten by a God damned monster, Skippy..."
Lance Corporal Todd slung the M32A1 over his torso as he slid the extra clips of .308 into the LBV on his Boron/Ceramic armor. Taking his bullpup SCAR Heavy with suppressor and Multispec scope, he gave a brief once over of his gear. Corpsman Bill did the same, as did Gunny Wilson. Each one had similar rotary grenade launchers with high explosive armor piercing 40mm grenades, and extra ordinance and munitions in their packs, including cone charges, claymores, and various utility grenades like flashbangs and thermite. Taking one last look at each other, they switched on their quantum camouflage, and their forms shimmered and disappeared to visible light spectrum. Switching to back scatter X-Ray/Multispec, they nodded to each other and made off to secure the entrances at the perimeter.
EB7-Bill: "Did you make sure to wash with hunter's soap and scent free baking soda deodorant, guys?"
EB7-Wilson: "Copy that, Corpsman. I can't even smell myself."
EB7-Todd: "Yeah, it's weird. It's like 99 degrees right now and I'm not even sweating, let alone smelling myself. At least it's not like Mississippi..."
Just then a pair of headlights could be seen rolling down towards the warehouses. The sound of Reggaton could be heard on subwoofer.
EB7-Bill: "Well boys, it looks like we've got company, and I don' think they're here for the same reason we are. Let's just hope its a drug deal or an arms sale, and let them go on their way."
An electrical company van's headlights could be seen coming from the opposite direction, and it was being followed by a repair truck with a bucket lift.
EB7-Wilson: "I Get the creeping suspicion that these cats aren't here to check the meter."
EB7-Todd: "Command, be advised. We've got activity here on the surface. Looks like gangster shit, but we've also got some utility workers on their way to the street parallel to us. What do you want us to do for now?"
EB7-Command: "I'm less worried about the gangsters, and more concerned about the utility workers. Keep an eye on them. Especially if they start snooping around.
EB7-Bill: "Copy that, Command. We'll be on the lookout."
The Escalade bumping the reggaton pulled off to a side road a few streets over, and the Utility van and bucket truck pulled the same way. More headlights could be seen as two vehicles came from the same direction as the gangsters. One was a Dodge grand caravan, and the other was a Ford F-350 XL.
EB7-Wilson: "Oh shit, this can't be good. Command, you seeing this?" It was then that the microwave uplink to the aerial surveillance drone scrambled and cut out.
EB7-Command: "Well fuck me running, boys, but looks like the drone's feed just ate shit, and the timing of theses utility workers and gangsters is a little too convenient. Stay in the shadows. It looks like they're here for us and the girls..."
Three men in body armor with kitted out Ak-47s and NV goggles hopped out of the Escalade. Five more hopped out of the minivan, equally geared up. Two hopped out of the truck, and went around back for large metal cases and dragged them to the ground, as well as three C-Bags. A man in a white suit with a white cabana hat stepped out of the Utility Van, and lit a cigar.
Mercenary Captain: "Buenos Tardes, Patron. Es tiempo." The man in the white, gave him one stern look and simply said, "¿Si? Bien."
The Captain pointed his AK-47 at the ground as he slapped the side of the truck twice and yelled to the men, "Vamanos puez! Andele!" The nine men gathered around, and each one dropped to one knee, and lowered their heads. Taking a puff of his cigar and pinching it between his fingers, the man in white outstretched his arms and stepped forward.
Man In White: "Welcome, Children of the Night! The Serpent is with us. I do hope you are all ready to do the Lord's work..."
It was at this point that the power went out for the entire grid to the whole city. All the lights and ground communications went dark in that very moment.
Man In White: "Viya con dios, Mijos."
They all rose to their feet and immediately began unloading the crates of rocket launchers and light machine guns, and ammo boxes.
EB7-Wilson: "Yeah. Guess they're not here to check the meter fellas. These aren't Mexican mafia at all... They're something else..."
EB7-Command: "Hopefully they don't see you yet..."
It was then that the Man in White walked 90 º perpendicular to physical 4th dimensional reality and winked out of existence. His men did a double take and stood there flabbergasted for at least a minute looking around until the Captain said, "Get back to work!"
EB7-Wilson: "You fucking see that shit, Gator?"
EB7-Command: "Yeeeeeah. That's NOT a good sign. Ladies, this is probably not a good time, but we've got our hands full up here. Stick to securing the objective with Professor Chaos. We've got a mess about to happen and will do our best to hold them off while we can."
EB7-5: "Yeah, we got a Temporal-Spatial distortion spike right before you told us. Well stick with Skippy. Seven, you're up here with us. All of us will stick in a five man team from here on out. Going radio dark, Command. We don't know if our COMS encryption's been burned yet.
EB7-Command: "Good call, Five. We'll head down there as soon as we get this handled. Good luck." Wilson, Todd, and Bill, held their positions and aimed their weapons at the entourage of mercenaries.
EB7-Wilson: "Don't do a thing unless they fire at us. It's better we aren't seen and don't have to engage unless we have no other options."
The Man in White's voice echoed in Wilson's head.
Man In White: "I appreciate you demonstrating a professional courtesy of sparing my men, Gunnery Sergeant Dennis Nathaniel Wilson, and honestly you and your fireteam could have killed them all rather quickly if you were motivated enough. However, I cannot guarantee the girls success of securing the relic. You will find that its guardians can be rather- persistent. Now tell me more about the SCIP friend of yours...Professor Chaos."
EB7-Wilson: "I remember your from Peshwar. You were with the general from ISI in '03." *His eyes widened* "You're-" Wilson's eyes rolled back into his head and he began twitching as he entered a fugue state and convulsed and foamed at the mouth. He fell to the ground unconscious shortly thereafter. He plopped like a ragdoll with an invisible *thud*. It was then that the Man in White began probing his memories...
EB7-Command: "Wilson! Damn it Gunny, Wake UP!"
_ To Be Continued...

PROLOGUE - PART I
Sergei: Phone rings - Takes a bite of his club sandwich and checks the screen, and rolls his eyes.
Andrei: Looks at him with a grin "It's her isn't it?"
Sergei: Finishes chewing and takes a sip of Mountain Dew, then answering the call "I thought you were in Boston today.
Natalia: "What, to get a Samuel Adams and a fucking potato? Get real! This is serious. I'm on a layover in Baltimore until 2, and then it's over to JFK. Did you get those pics I sent you, baby?"
Sergei: Furrows his brows to Andrei who saw the pics
Andrei: Smiles
Sergei: "Yeah, I got them alright. And I've got to say, that was fucking nice. How much were those? That shit was fucking golden!"
Natalia: "Well, you know, baby. It doesn't come cheap but Haji was able to pull some strings with Customs and talked to his uncle at the consulate. One thing led to another, and he got your dad exactly what he wanted for Christmas. Even got you and Dre an extra box for the party.
Sergei: Grinning now "It was fucking perfect. You're a doll for that one, sweetie. Dre loves them to, Right Dre?"
Andrei: "They're God damned tits compared to that cheap Honduran crap." Lighting a Cuban cigar with a wooden match
Natalia: "Well, enjoy. Look, I've got to get moving. I gotta pick up something to eat before I catch my next flight."
Ralphie: Walks into the kitchen with his Xbox headset on "Fuck you! Yeah? So's your mom! What? I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on, you fairy!"
Sergei: "Damn it, Ralphie! Manners." Whispers "Your stepmom is on the phone."
Ralphie: "Shit." Yells "Hi, Nat!"
Natalia: On speakerphone "Hiiiii Ralphie! Did you get the thing I sent you?"
Ralphie: "Yes, Nat. It's fucking rad!"
Sergei: "Ralphie! Language!"
Andrei: Takes a puff and chuckles "He's going to be a rockstar in no time. That's an original Fender Stratocaster!"
Sergei: "Yeah, my Jimi Hendrix over here…." Picks up a magazine and fans the smoke away as he walks into the living room for a more private conversation and tosses the January copy of Fortune 500 onto the couch "Natalia, look. I know we haven't got a chance to see each other, but I miss you, so God-Damned-Much…" slides open the patio door and steps out onto the balcony "It got me to thinking, you know. It's been what two weeks since we," Pauses and smiles, beaming "went to that crab restaurant and you were wearing that dress, and we went back to your place and-"
Natalia: "Yes, Serj, I remember…" She said with a giggle "and that cute waitress with the rack was hitting on you in front of me the whole time. She's lucky she was so hot, or I wouldn't have tipped her so well…"
Sergei: "Well, you know. If you were that into her we could have had her over to your place too, for a little minage et toi"
Natalia: "Slow your roll there, cowboy! I don't like pussy that much. Speaking of which, that bitch Shiniqua at the office did her nails again."
Sergei: *Frowns* "Doesn't she spend like $300 on her God damned nails every fucking week?"
Natalia: "Well she can afford it." Sighs "Bitch is fine as fuck and she knows it too. That's why she's so stuck up."
Sergei: "Doesn't she have that hot sister, what's her name?"
Natalia: "Oh! Right. The one you fucked before we got together. How in the Hell do you not remember her name?"
Sergei: "Oh, come on Nat, it was just a one night stand, and I was drunk, and she was persuasive…"
Natalia: "Serj, and hoe with titties is persuasive enough to get you in the God damned sack. Seriously, stop thinking with your fucking dick for once."
Sergei: "Look, I'm sorry babe. It's about business. Her uncle works the State Department, right?"
Natalia: sighs annoyed "Yeah, he's like a secretary or liason to the adjuctant or something like that. Why?"
Sergei: "I need you to see if her sister, what's her name with the nails?"
Natalia: "Shiniqua…"
Sergei: "See if Shiniqua can get me the goods on his boss. I hear the guy is really connected with mineral extraction firms, and I need to find out about that oil rig off of the coast of Juneau, Alaska."
Natalia: "Seriously, what the Hell is so important about some nosebleed rig off the coast of Juneau for crying out loud?" Loudspeaker blares in the distance "Look honey, I've got to catch my next flight. Can we do this later?"
Sergei: "Okay, but the next trime you speak to her, I need you to ask her if she can schedule a meet and greet with her uncle at the next banquet at the yacht club. I'll buy him and his wife a damned table. Seriously, though. We need to get him on board before the Governor's ball."
Natalia: "OKay, okay. I'll do it. You'll be lucky if that stuck up assed hoe goes for it though. She'll want something in return, and it'll be about more than just her expensive ass nails."
Sergei: "Okay, whatever she needs, we'll pull the strings to get it done. I love you babe. Have fun in New York…"
Natalia: "Yeah. And don't go getting shithoused at the bar with Andrei and end up plowing some floozie while I'm gone either. I'll cut your fuckin' balls off, you know…"
Sergei: Sighs while pinching his nose "I know. Love you."
Natalia: "Love you too sweetie. I'll call you when I get to my hotel room."
Sergei: "Okay baby. I can't wait for you to come home next week…"
Natalia: "More like your dong can't wait for this ass next week!"
Sergei: Laughs
Natalia: "Yeah. That's what I thought. Byeeeee!" Hangs up
Sergei: Leans against the railing on the balcony and takes a deep breath of the cold and crisp night air, before heading back in.
Andrei: "Good talk?" Putting out the cigar by cutting the end off with a cigar cutter and putting the cherry into an ashtray
Sergei: "She said she'll talk to her coworker about getting Brett to sit down for a meet and greet."
Andrei: "It's important, Sergei. His boss works for the Foundation. You won't find a record of his involvement anywhere in State Department files."
Sergei: "Seriously?"
Andrei: Chuckles "They don't friggin exist! Remember?"
Sergei: "Right…"
Andrei: "If we can get a sit down with him, he can get us connected to what's under Juneau. Once we've got access to that, we can step up the next phase of our operations."
Sergei: "And What the Hell is so important about fucking Juneau of all places anyways? I thought it was just a stupid oil rig."
Andrei: "That's not all it is Sergei… It's what's under the sea floor. The "Thingy" they uncovered when they were drilling."
Sergei: knits his brow "What in the Hell is the "Thingy"?"
Andrei: Tucks the stogie into a glass cigar case "That depends." whispers "Do you believe in aliens?"
Sergei: "I think you've had too much to drink, Uncle."
Andrei: "I kid you not."
Sergei: "Get out of here. No way!"
Andrei: "It's just rumor for now, but if it's a match for what the Old Gaurd found in Enurmino back in '25…"
Sergei: "You mean…"
Andrei: "Da."
Sergei: "So the legends are true then?"
Andrei: "No fucking joke."
Sergei: "Like," looks around then lowers his voice to a whisper "like Lizard people?"
Andrei: Looking around, puts his finger to his lips and nods
Sergei: mouths the words "Holy shit!"
Andrei: "Yeah that's what I'm saying. God Damned dinosaurs! Very rare. One of a kind."
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Chapter I - Todd is a brave man... Baltimore, Maryland - February, 2nd 2008
Lance Corporal Todd and Professor Chaos milled about in front of the kielbasa stand munching down some dogs with kraut, and washing it back with lemonade.
LCpl Todd: "Maaaan. A Milkor only holds 6 grenades at a time, that's like over 300+ cultists armed with HK MP5s, M4s, AK-47s, .50 Cal damn nests in the lobby, and fucking Scar heavys for the buildings security forces, not counting RPG-7s with thermobaric to take out vehicles and personnel and shit, and God damned stingers on the rooftops to take out fucking choppers in my immediate fucking AO. How in the fuck am I supposed cum dumpster that many shitheads by myself when the shit goes down? This isn't even a standard M32A1 for fucks sake! What South African shithole did they get this piece of junk from? Literally, Bill's Discount Firearms Emporium? Do I clusterfuck their shit into a quadruple cross and let them know they're ripping each other off now? Could cause a Mexican standoff and resultant shootout. That would be convenient, or do they fuck and fill my holes with bukkake and sacrifice me first? This is fucking clown shoes man. Fucking clown shoes... Fucking cults, man."
That plaza was relatively clear of cult operative activity which was focused on the front lobby of the building across the street and a block away.
Lieutentant Dan "Gator" watched the cams feed from the van.
Lt. Gator: "Look shitbreath, you gotta keep your balls on the prize. The SCIP is the prize. Nuts to butt and keep that fucker in front of you and use him like a God damned meat shield. If he gets popped we're fucked, so don't let that shit happen or Skippy Peanut Butter Company hits us with a O5 containment clusterfuck of crunchy dildos, and the last thing we need is Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto's cyborg service from fucking Styx singing "Come Sail Away" and Shanghai our asses on the Highway to the the God Damned Danger Zone. You know what they do to cornholes there for the fuckups? "
LCpl Todd, muttering under his breath, swiveled back toward the dogs cart, as a suspicious group of college aged/military aged males strolled by, being very chalant and looking around. Professor Chaos took point and fiddle fucked his blackberry absentmindedly while looking out of his perhipherals.
Lt. Gator: "Are you listening Top Gun? Fucking Use peanut boy Downtown Charlie Brown as a God damned salami sandwich and keep those fucking cookie monsters the fuck away from the Winnebago. Also, do NOT let anything happen to him and keep him in proximity. Got it? Also, where the fuck is Gunny? He should've been back with the Dominos to throw pepperoni at this motherfucker 5 minutes ago..."
LCpl Todd: "Just gotta ask, Maverick...err. Gator. Why in the living fuck do we keep using Sesame Street lingo?"
Lt. Gator: "Because the sick motherfuckers plow kids and post it to the deep web on a God damned website called motherfucking Sesame Street. Weren't you at the brief?"
LCpl Todd: "I Was, but I had to take a shit for like 5 minutes, so I guess I missed that part..."
Lt. Gator: "God damn it, Lance. Eat some motherfucking peanut butter crackers from the vending machine next time. It'll make you fucking constipated so you don't have to blow ass during God damned brief."
Gunny Wilson: "Boy, the fuck is wrong with yo' ass? Keep that Cookie Monster Lord summoning muthafucka the fuck away from my camper! The last thing I need is for Charlie Brown's cock holster to barf up a God damned queef spell with some Wizard shit on it during my mothafucking engagement, and end up pissing off Skippy and Jif management enough to pop us with God damned orbital bombardment. Ask that piece of cultist pedophile bait if this is where he saw himself being at the age of twenty six."
Professor Chaos: "Just another day, living the fucking dream, Sir. Seriously though, This is fucked up."
Gunny Wilson: "I swear, if Otis Spunkmeyer goes kamikaze with the Sesame Street Brigade, the God Damned Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch murder hobo legion lurking in the shadows of every storefront will start to go apeshit-. Mothafucka, are you listening, Gator? Tell Terminal Lance to get his ass in gear and keep those motherfuckers away from my ride! Put salami sandwich at the front on his exfil and this shit better go fucking swimmingly. If that motherfucker cum guzzles some motherfucking lead monster sperm on my watch, Corpsman will not be able to patch his bitch ass up in time, and it will be Hell on Earth when the shit stain bukkake brigade gets their way. Here's your motherfucking pizza, you fairy asswipe. Don't touch my Dr. Pepper..." He said taking a fat slice and gobbling down most of it in one breath.
Corpsman Bill: "Damn, Gunny. That was sexy! Here's your fucking bones for the pie, that's two Dubs and some coins, aaaand what in the flying fuck is Yui Hirasawa doing crossing my God Damned Street again? That's the third time in the past twenty minutes. Seriously, what the fuck is that shit? That better be a motherfucking Gibson Les Paul Sunburst in that God Damned Guitar case on her back and not a fucking cache of P-90s. Scoping that fucking loli, and she's got Azunyan-Chan with the God damned violin case, wait, correction, that's a fucking cello case, and they're lugging that shit to what I can only assume isn't Mugi's grandma's house. Looks like they've been pulling music and concert cases out of that minivan in front of the plaza, and parked it directly across the street from Shitbag Central. "
Corpsman Bill: "I swear to fucking Jesus, if Mugi shows up next with a motherfucking canvas wrapped tube slung over her shoulder, I'm going to assume it's a stinger launcher and not a fucking digeridoo. They didn't use a digeridoo in motherfucking Fua Fua Time, and if that's not a trio on their way to motherfucking Juliaird, and they're going all renegade Natalie Portman in Leon the Professional, I'm going to have a bad fucking time."
*Pulls the Multispec scope up to 10x*
"Checking that shit out, and it looks like Hokago Tea Time over there is up to no good. What the fuck Gator? Look at the backscatter X-ray on this shit. They're kitted out and ready to do the fucking dirty. What lolicon motherfucker called Pizza Hut to hire the three 20-30 somethings for a Lolita hit squad on our dry run?! This is bullshit. Are those bitches Triple Canopy or what? Hoes better not be motherfucking Speznas either. What in the fuck, Mugi's mean muggin the Bago. She's looking right at me. Did we get made? God Damn it. Who the fuck are they? Are they Langley?
*'Mugi' discretely flips him off where only he can see it*
Corpsman Bill: "Motherfucker... That fucking does it!"
Gunny Wilson: "Oh yeah. They're here to party, Bill."
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Chapter II - Light Music Club Isn't fucking Around Baltimore, Maryland - February, 2nd 2008
After flipping off Corpsman Bill, Eight flung her hair back, she ties it in a ponytail, and turns to walk back across the street.
Number 8: "Can you hear me fuck boy? That's cute with the K-on bit, you fucking lolicon scumbag motherfucker. Yo Six, you hear this fuckwad?"
Number 6: "Yep, dumb motherfucker forgot about the CrossCom uplink with Cent. You're on a hot mic with local AO dickbreath, the rest of your team is solid."
Corpsman Bill: "Awe fuck me running", Bill muttered.
Number 8: "You ready to do this shit, or are you just going to be oogling us through your pervert scope with your dick in your hand, cough, Fag."
Lt. Gator: "Now, now, ladies. Please contain your orgasms and homicidal ideations. We're all on the same team here."
Number 6: "Eat a dick, Lieutenant"
Number 5: "Six, knock it off. Let's play nice with fuckboy brigade and get this fucking show on the road. Culty asswipes are crawling all over the fucking place here. Read?"
Number 6: "Copy that, 5."
Number 5: "Good. And for the record, Corpsman, your knowledge of K-On is fucking uncanny. Do you wear school girl dresses in your mom's basement?"
Corpsman Bill: "God damn it, I don't have to take this shit…."
Number 5: "Whatever weeb. Anyways, here's a SITREP. Something pissed off that cult leader dickhead Otis Spunkmeyer aka Russel, and all of those Oscar the Grouch motherfuckers are looking out for someone big to show up. Looks like they're expecting VIPs. You know what that means?"
Lt. Gator: "What's that, Five?"
Number 5: "It means, Lieutenant, that the fucking cookie monster fuckwad brigade is going to be distracted for the next 13 minutes, and those child sacrificing cultist dickbreaths will be looking to brown nose to make that fucker Russel happy. Seven, you see anything pretty from your nest?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Negative, Five. Looks like the Sesame Street convention is waiting around with their dicks in their hands for the moment."
Number 5: "Copy that. Look, Gator. You see that corner office on the 17th floor? That's where shit weasel extraordinaire is supposed to have the meet with whoever is showing up. We can't get a good read on audio because the motherfucker has white noise on the windows. Some culty garbage metal band we never fucking heard of. Laser mics aren't going to do shit for now. We need to find a way to get ears inside that room, and three quote unquote 'high school girls' aren't about to get fucking railed by fucking nasty walking into that fucking heathen's nest. Got any bright ideas?"
Lt. Gator: "Can you have someone from cent do a brush pass with a listening device?"
Number 5: "Got motherfuckers from cookie monster brigade already looking out for that shit. We had an informant within their perimeter security already, but he got popped in the fucking tart two hours ago. Apparently he wasn't properly indoctrinated in Serpent protocol, and got interrogated by a proselytizer. That's when he slipped up. Now that fucker Russel is keeping an eye out for interlopers and apostates. This shit is going to get a lot more difficult to get someone on the inside."
Lt. Gator: "Please tell me you've got a solution, Five…"
Number 6: "We could cause a power surge and overload that floors breakers, and kill the noise, but that would just piss that fucker off and they would hold the meet in a different room. We need that fucking window so we can pop a visual from the spider drones we have set up on the surrounding buildings."
Gunny Wilson: "What I wouldn't do for some noise cancel right now."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Yeah, no shit. We didn't deploy until about 45 minutes ago and we're late to the punch bowl. We've got 12 mins until mystery VIPs drop by, so we've got to get this shit figured out fast."
Lt. Gator: "Copy that five, we'll work on a solution, give us a minute"
LCpl Todd: "How about we send Charlie Brown aka Professor Chaos in there, Gator?"
Lt. Gator: "Negative, Lance. If those fuckers ID him it's fucking curtains. Gunny, got any bright ideas?"
Gunny Wilson: "Wait for the VIPs to show and tag one of their entourage with a listening device from across the street."
Number 5: "Can you pull that off, Gunny?"
Gunny Wilson: "No can do, Five. Will have to get danger close, and those Oscars and Cookie monsters will be swarming the VIPs on the lookout the minute they roll up."
LCpl Todd: "Well, why not tag one of the VIPs with a sticky? Overwatch, you got darts or what?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "If I don't get him on something thick, he'll feel it tag him as soon as it hits him. If they become wise, this shit cavity becomes a hornet's nest."
Lt. Gator: "What do you think, Five?"
Number 5: "It's the best option I've heard so far, so fuck it. Yeah."
Lt. Gator: "Okay, so tag one of the VIPs the minute they step out of the motorcade. If we're lucky, the greaseball fuckwad is wearing a fur coat."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Copy that. And speaking of greaseballs, there they come now. ETA 25 seconds. Looks like they're hauling ass."
Number 5: "Yeah, guessing Otis Spunkmeyer's got these motherfuckers on a tight schedule. Time it right, we only got one shot at this..."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Yeah, on it. Looks like it's the towncar... Ready for joy"
*The three vehicle motorcade pulled to a stop in front of the steps to dirtbag haven. Four armed guards hopped out of the lead and rear vehicle each, and the driver hopped out of the VIP middle vehicle and opened the door.*
Number 7/Overwatch: "Aaaaand holy motherfucking shit. Look who the fuck is popping out..."
Lt. Gator: "Oh fuck. That's Senator Calvin McCoulough. Standby..."
Gunny Wilson: "He's the Executive Director of the Weyland-Yutani fuckwad brigade, right?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Take the fucking shot or not?"
Number 5: "Fuck that. Tag his ass!"
*There was a muffled click as the dart tagged the senator on his shoulder pad, just as his driver closed his passenger side door behind him. The dart was no bigger than a tailor's pin*
Number 7/Overwatch: "Bug's on his jacket"
Lt. Gator: "Audio confirmed. Let's see what this fucker does..."
*The senator's cell phone trilled and he pulled it out of his pocket. He stared at the screen momentarily and answered*
Senator McCoulough: "Yeah? No. Not a good time Brett, I'm about to be in a meeting with someone very important. Yes. I know, they usually do. Yeah, I know. I'll have to call you back. Yeah. Bye." He then hung up the phone and slid it back into his pocket.
Number 5: "Overwatch, you get audio too?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Confirmed, Five. Looks like dickbreath was talking to 'Brett' so and so. We'll have Cent dig in and find out who the fuck that is..."
Gunny Wilson: "And there they go."
*Four of the armed guards followed Senator McCoulough from behind, while four led the way.*
Number 6: "You know who his goons might be working for, Lieutenant?"
Lt. Gator: "They don't look like secret service or PMC, let alone your typical Guidos. Look what they're wearing. Those are wool overcoats and tweed jackets. You see that fuckwad in the front, doesn't he look familiar?"
Number 5: "I saw that same motherfucker inside of Royal's Bank in the executive lounge... What the fuck is going on?"
Command: "Five Actual. This is command."
Number 5: "Go ahead command."
Command: "Stand down."
Number 5: "What the fuck do you mean, stand down?"
Command: "Do it. That's a fucking order."
*Five mouthed the words "Fuck" without uttering a sound*
Gunny Wilson: "What the fuck, command?"
Command: "That's above your fucking paygrade, Gunnery Sergeant. Scrub the God damned OP. NOW!"
Gunny Wilson: "What the-"
*Gator held his hand up to Gunny and they exchanged glances*
Command: "What the fuck is the hold up. Scrub the fucking mission and abort, or I'll put all of your asses in Leavenworth."
Lt. Gator: "Copy that, command. Standing down. You all heard him. Party's over."
Gator and gunny exchanged glances, and Lance stared at 5. The fire in her eyes could melt steel. The audio recording was still live from Senator McCoulough's bug as they made their way to the elevators. Shortly after the doors closed, the signal cut off. Using hand signals, 5 threw up two fingers to 7 in her nest. 7 Nodded. Gator and Gunny saw this on cams and said nothing. When the elevator doors to the 17th floor opens, the audio signal from the bug cut back on...
Command: "I don't think I've made myself abundantly clear. Abort the fucking mission. Lieutenant. 5. That means kill the coms too."
Everyone shook their heads and muttered strings of epithets. Lance yanked out his ear bud and 5 crossed her arms, looking across the street at 6. 6 threw her hands up. Gator then threw his headset on the counter in the van. "FUCK!". 7 Spit out the Grizzly wintergreen tucked in her lip, and muttered, "Shit on a fucking biscuit..."
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~First~
HHH/Herbert’s Hundred Harem
“Hello again. I didn’t think you’d have the time to deal with me.” Moriarty notes as he sees exactly WHO is waiting for him at Epsilon Four. It’s a simple streetside bench, show up with a suitcase, the contact has an identical one, walk off with the other case and the contact does the same.
“Just wanted to remind you that even if the rest of The Undaunted have decided to forget Argus. I haven’t.” Chenk replies calmly. He doesn’t rise from his seat, he doesn’t even look at Moriarty as the Carib man sits down next to him. Neither man looks to each other.
“Really? Well it’s good to know that someone remembers that worthless failure fondly.”
“Just why?” Chenk asks and Moriarty glances towards him.
“You couldn’t possibly understand.” The criminal says to the cop.
“Try me.”
“No I mean it literally. You’re too young. I... Argus spent centuries in a miasmatic stillness. Living, but far from alive. You have no idea what it’s like. Your life is... short, purposeful, bright and wondrous. You have lived your life surrounded by equals, with betters to aspire to best and compete with. Friends, colleagues, rivals and even enemies.”
“But there was only stillness for Argus?” Chenk asks. His tone is not full of judgment. Just questions.
“Less. Reality was all a grey blur. Not dark, not bright, not warm nor cold, not anything. A suffocating stillness that amounted to nothing and rotted all time. Argus lost track of more time than your last three generations have experienced collectively. All for nothing. Nothing accomplished. Nothing done. It would take mere minutes to describe each of the identical days in pedantic detail.” He says before huffing.
“A dull life isn’t so...” Chenk protests and Moriarty turns to give him an even look.
“You still do not understand. You do not know what it is like to lose track of all things. To wake one day to find that all others have had lives full of excitement, purpose and poignancy. Knowing that there was none for you. Knowing that this was where they all desired you to be. Safe, placid, collared, controlled, contained and tame. To understand that without even realizing it you have thrown away your natural lifespan twice over if not more for the pursuit of mindless nothingness. Accomplishing nothing, amounting to nothing.” Moriarty says and Chenk merely listens.
“To understand with full certainty that all things were made for those other than you. That the systems, designs and patterns of the galaxy at large are not for you to have or paths for you to walk. That the rules, expectations and all things exist to relegate you to less than a person, to a resource. A thing to possess and if you speak up, saying that such a thing is wrong, that such a thing is repulsive and the mere idea of being a mere commodity makes your skin crawl and your bones ache.... Only to be told that such an attitude, that valuing your own life and dreams is what is truly wrong...” Moriarty’s rant tapers off and he looks at Chenk.
“You can’t possibly understand. To spend so long as nothing more than a commodity, all the function of a coin of trytite and with even less agency, that you cannot even recall a time when you were not. THAT is why Argus had to die. That is how I was born. I found a way out, but I needed to charge through blades and burning pain and make something from the sheer wailing nothingness that surrounded me.”
“... I can understand better than you think.” Chenk says and Moriarty scoffs. “The shorter lives and weaker technology of humans on the homeworld doesn’t preclude us from doing terrible things to each other. The myth of the noble savage is just that. A myth.”
“Sure you understand, what with your?... Twenty? Twenty five long long years of life?”
“Imagine if you will a world were the delusional, dismissive and cruel hold the reigns of power.”
“Yes. Imagine.” Moriarty states in an amused tone.
“Maintaining their grip under a thin veneer of false kindness and falser tolerance. Claiming the moral high ground in everything they do, even as they debase, disgrace and damage all things around them.”
“Average afternoon.”
“And the worst of it? People believe it. It’s beaten into your head from such a young age that you have no foundation to stand on. No initial learning to show you how to puzzle your way out of this, or even recognize that you’re not in a good place. Knowing that you are effectively a conquered people, not conquered by an outside power but by delusional fools who think that reality can somehow be mastered. That somehow if they scream loud enough, that nature itself will obey. That the fundamental laws of nature will bend to their idiot whims.”
“Not a strong foe.”
“Strong? No. Corruptive? Most certainly. Imagine being told that you are responsible for the sins and crimes of those that have been dead longer than you’ve been alive. That because you’re the wrong colour, or the wrong sex that you don’t have the right to speak when someone calls you a monster. Imagine if merely joking about the wrong thing would have a pack of screaming lunatics descend on you and if you try and push them away as they scream in your face you are then arrested and called a criminal. And that’s just to start. So no, I may not understand centuries in a listless, lifeless life, but I understand what it’s like to be trapped in hell.” Chenk says and Moriarty is very still as he processes it and then nods.
“Escaping those fools must have felt like being reborn.”
“Yes.”
“As becoming Moriarty was for me.”
“Yes, but you didn’t have to go so far. A change of address would have been enough.”
“I’ll wager just moving to another country would have done the same for you. But here I am, a weak informant turned criminal mastermind and you on the opposite side of the galaxy.”
“We both went a little far.”
“No, too far implies that we made it fail. Neither of us have. Not really.”
“... Being captured by Intelligence and...”
“I sought a new life. I sought purpose, direction and wealth. Power too. Am I lacking any of those things?” Moriarty asks and Chenk turns to him with an unimpressed look before his communicator goes off. He checks it even as Moriarty’s own starts begging for attention.
“So apparently they thought there was good odds on you strangling me.” Morairty notes. “This message is for you, informing you that you were in fact not to strangle me.”
“And I just received a reminder that you are an asset not an assault target.” Chenk says. “Which means they’re getting impatient with me.”
He then stands up with the briefcase Moriarty brought with him and Moriarty does the same with the case Chenk brought.
They then say nothing to each other as they both turn and leave in opposite directions. Moriarty considerably richer in both trade bars and smaller coins, and Chank carrying a very, very dangerous device.
•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•
“Alright, our capture and interrogation of the Darnaxion Concurrence has led to... nothing. We’ve got nothing but the small fry and all of them are contacted by an automated voice. They’re paid half again as well as any other job on the plate to do their work and we so far have errand girls, janitors, a couple mechanics and security.” Investigator Snow says
“And what kind of errands do these girls do?” One of the crowd asks and Herbert checks his own notes.
“Pick up legally acquired chemical or substance, open package and empty it into relevant hopper. Press two buttons, the exciting ones get three, and then continue. Putting all their jobs together, we get a solid supply chain that’s moderately well protected with no one talking to each other and therefore, no real way to breach the security through them.” He says. “These girls don’t know anything, and while they were screamingly violent in the face of any intruder, that was part of the job. Security has the largest number of actually known employees, but they only know the cleaners, basic errand runners and mechanics. They haven’t so much as seen an accountant, employer or leader in their entire employment to them.”
“Have you tried tracing back the financial information?”
“One of the first things we did. It led to several accounts that have been routinely accessed with several automated payments and are being kept full due to several small stock portfolios being attached. The access points we’ve found lead back to some basic AI logic trees that seem to be handling not only the money but the employment as well.”
“And let me guess, the AI is anonymous.”
“Correct, furthermore we were able to access it and according to it’s records, the AI itself has not been accessed in a century.” Herbert finishes.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, we either have one of the must subtle and patient plotters, hinting at one of the longer lived races or something else has happened.”
“Something else?”
“There are other ways to observe an organization you’ve set up. And if you have the payment and employment system down perfectly, then there is little need to interact with it further. So we need to widen our gaze if we’re going to find out exactly who was in charge.”
“And why the hell they’d use Blood Metal for flooring of all things! That’s what’s really confusing me!” One of the women says.
“That too... I doubt it was for storage.” Another says and Herbert looks through things.
“Which is where things get... odder. They have a storage warehouse we found and raided and... there’s much, much more Blood Metal there. Five times the previous amount. Their storage area has overflowed.”
“Excuse me. Did you just say there are Thirty Nine Thousand and Two Hundred and Fifty more Kilograms of Blood Metal!?”
“Yes. Four fifths in a specialized storage area, the rest in an overflow area with an automatic scale on it.”
“This has gone well and truly beyond parody. What the fuck is going on!?” Someone demands.
“Isn’t that what we’re trying to find out?” Herbert mutters under his breath. There are too many people in this room, too many strong personalities with their own ideas how to get things done and everyone who is getting things done is doing so by ordering their people to ignore everyone else. Which is fucking dangerous and only The Endless Streams running around and getting all the disparate investigation squads, hit squads and commando units talking to each other has prevented friendly fire so far.
Everyone here is supposed to be in charge and above everyone else which means that fucking nothing is happening as they’re squabbling about the priorities. He feels his left eye twitch and then decides that’s his subconscious’ way of telling him that enough is enough.
He takes out a whistle from his pocket and blows into it hard. He pauses after everyone stops talking, then they start again and he blows the whistle again.
“Alright that is enough! We’re squabbling like children and getting nothing done while our people trip over a lack of fucking direction! This ends now! If no one can agree on a leader for this committee then I will take the lead myself and start sorting this madness! We are staring down a potentially apocalyptic threat and you’re all still treating this as if it were a debate about zoning laws and mining rights! This is not the time for debate, this is the time to get things done or die!”
“And what makes you think you are qualified to lead this?”
“The fact I have heavily armed assassins and spies inserted into all your damn groups and are the people facilitating cooperation. So... yes, by logistical and martial force I have control here. Now, do you all have something you can agree on, or am I going to try and get things done my way?”
“And your way is?”
“Minimum damage, maximum results, total confusion.” He says and there’s a pause.
“Confusion?”
“Yes, confusion. It can be very useful.” He says and there’s a pause. No one comes forward. “Alright then. I’m in charge.”
He pulls out his communicator. “Alright Streams, listen to me. Get the groups you’re attached to moving and get the information. I want everything mildly electronic to have a data chit plugged in and all data copied, I don’t care if it’s the lights, the scale or a random dildo found in a corner. If it takes Axiom or electricity into it’s system I want to know what it does exactly. Leave nothing unturned and I don’t care how random your intrusive thoughts are, follow every single lead no matter how absurd. The still increasing amount of Blood Metal has gotten well past the point of parody. I want answers. Understood?”
He receives a confirmation and nods before putting the communicator on sleep mode. He then addresses the group surrounding him. “Any questions? Or perhaps, any concerns?”
~First~ Last Next

Part 1 // Part 2
I paced my bedroom floor wondering what I should do next. I’d already placed the leg back in the gun safe, then searched the entirety of my house looking for something Christian to place on top of it. It seemed to work in the movies and I didn’t really have any idea what else to do. I couldn’t find my bag of religious paraphernalia, so I ended up fashioning a small crucifix out of two large carrots and hot glue with a little Jesus made out of raisins.
I needed a plan! I was thinking about who might know more information about the artifact I’d come into possession of, then it hit me – all of my competitors!
Surely not all of them were fakes like me!
One by one, I called them up and set up meetings for that afternoon – staggered appointments of course.
The first one to show up was a woman named Destiny. I sent her home immediately after she tracked dog shit into my house from the bottom of her shoes. I will not work with someone who is not only rude but completely oblivious.
The second one was a guy named Tiger, which I thought was a badass name and he was a pretty cool guy. Too bad he failed every test I threw at him. I sent him home, but kept his number in case I wanted to try to connect with him sometime to hangout.
The third psychic was a total nutcase named Psycho Jimmy. I’m honestly not even sure if he was a medium or if google search just lumped the words ‘Psychic’ and ‘Psycho’ into the same page due to a lack of results.
He didn’t say a word to me the entire time. He came into my house, drank a glass of water, walked a lap around the living room, stared directly into my eyes, unblinking, for a solid thirty seconds, then simply left. Total fucking psycho indeed. And yes, I did upgrade my security system shortly after meeting him.
Out of options I reluctantly called Destiny back, even if she did smell like dog poop.
To my surprise, she didn’t smell like shit when she showed back up to my house. She explained to me that it wasn’t her that smelled but it was, in fact, the ghost of her dead dog, Hercules, that followed her around. She further explained that last winter, her dog passed away peacefully in his sleep. She was distraught, but thought it would be in bad taste to leave a dead dog lying on her living room floor, so she loaded the carcass up into a cardboard box along with his favorite blanket and a few toys. Then she sealed the top of the box with packing tape so animals couldn’t get in, and left the box out on her front porch where the cold December weather would keep him fresh for a day until she could gather herself long enough to make arrangements.
Porch pirates showed up not an hour later and stole the box off of her porch thinking they just scored a nice heavy Amazon delivery. I can’t imagine how they must have felt to open it up and find a dead dog.
Now Hercules walks the Earth as a ghost, unable to rest until he has his revenge against those that stole his bones away from his loving mother.
“Uh, okay, that’s…” I had no idea what to say in response to hearing such an insane story, “Well, can you have Hercules stay outside please?”
“Yeah, no problem,” She replied before bending at the waist to pet an invisible dog and whisper loving comments into its ears before following me into my kitchen.
“So how do I know you’re legit?” Was the first question I asked her when we were both seated at the table.
“Because I can see the ghost that is standing in your bedroom door,” She replied calmly.
I spun around in my chair towards my bedroom door just in time to watch it violently slam itself shut.
“You’re hired!”
I re-capped the entire situation to Destiny, who asked to see the leg.
She recoiled as soon as I placed it on the table in front of her, “You didn’t tell me it’s upholstered in human flesh” she said, “Pretty big detail to leave out”
“It is?” I asked.
She pointed to a pinkish brown blemish on the leather that covered the back thigh of the leg, “There is literally a nipple on it”
Closer inspection showed that she was right. The leg did indeed have a nipple on it.
“And here is a tattoo,” she said pointing at a heart shaped blemish. If you looked closely, you could just barely make out the words, “Mommy’s Home”. “Look I don’t know what this leg is, but I know a professor at my old college who might know,” Destiny said, she couldn’t take her eyes off of the nipple. “He specializes in ancient pagan literature and has several books bound with human skin in his collection. If anyone knows anything about this, it has to be him.”
With no other avenues to go down, I agreed a talk with this professor would be a good place to start.
Destiny left my house promising to call me tomorrow to let me know if her old professor had replied to her request to meet. Once again, I was alone with the leg.
Looking at the leg filled me with a strange sort of terror that I hadn’t felt since I was kid. The kind of helplessness you would feel as a child when you lost your mom in the mall, or when you were so sure that the shadow in the corner of your bedroom was a monster lying in wait until the moment you cross from wakefulness into sleep.
I brought the leg back to the gun safe and locked it away before leaving my house for the day. I didn’t have much in the way of errands, but I didn’t even want to be in the same building as the leg.
I wasted the day trying to get my mind off the absolute shit storm of a week I’d had so far. Ghosts, monsters, demons and God knows what else is real. How is someone supposed to just accept that and move forward with their lives? What else might be out there? Is God real? If so, that might be the scariest thing of all.
I went to the movies, but couldn’t pay attention. I went to my favorite restaurant, but didn’t have an appetite. I tried to go go-karting, but couldn’t get over how strange it was to go go-karting by myself. I spent the entire day thinking about how my inbox was full of things I’d thought were fake but now would never fully get over.
Eventually the sun fell and I found myself standing on my front porch trying to come up with any excuse to go and spend money on a hotel room. I almost did, but realized I was too broke to get one even if I wanted to.
A creeping dread wormed its way up my back as I walked through the dark house flipping lights on as went. I checked each room to make sure nothing had moved the positions I had left them in that morning. Looking back, I’m not sure if at that point I was more afraid of a ghost or demon or Psycho Jimmy in my house. Everything seemed to check out.
Feeling slightly better, but still a bit anxious I went to bed.
I woke up in total darkness, in the early morning. I could hear the wind in the trees. I turned over to squint at my alarm clock when the sound of my bedroom door unlatching made my stomach drop. In a flash I shot up in bed and tried to flip on the lamp on my nightstand only to find the light bulb had been removed.
I grabbed my phone, turned on the flashlight and directed the light at the door. The door was, indeed, unlatched and cracked open just a sliver. I sat in total silence, watching the small black crack between the door and the door frame, my ears strained to pick up any noise other than the wind outside.
My jaw dropped as the door slowly creaked forward, opening itself just wide enough for a head to peek into the room, but no one was there, just the empty blackness of the dark hallway beyond. My hands shook as I stared at the doorway, hoping something would come through, anything – a monster, a zombie, Psycho Jimmy. Anything would be better than the dread of sitting there in anticipation, my imagination conjuring up the worst. My heart was pounding against my ribcage and my mouth went dry. I gripped my phone with two hands to try to steady the shaking, but still they trembled, sending shadows dancing across my bedroom walls.
Then the door closed, just as slowly as it had opened, the door pulled itself back into its frame and latched itself closed.
Realizing I had forgotten to breathe, I sucked in air like a dying fish. I licked my lips and loosened my grip on my phone but my hands were still trembling and I dropped it. The phone bounced off the corner of my nightstand, hit the carpeted floor and bounced again under my bed.
A whole new set of shadows filled the room as the bright, fluorescent white light of the iPhone flashlight emanated from under my dirty bed.
It might sound weird, but this was almost as bad as the door opening by itself. The loss of control was devastating in the moment and I lunged over the side of the bed and blindly flailed my arm around searching for the phone.
My thrashing arm sent a wholly new set of shadows dancing around my room pushing my pulse even higher.
I’d never regretted not cleaning my room harder. I was wildly grabbing things and flinging them out from under the bed as soon as I confirmed they weren’t a cell phone. Magazines, old electronics and a few rock-hard socks flew across the room as I shoveled them out from under the bed. I continued to grasp blindly when my hand came across something I didn’t immediately recognize. It was a mess of tangled stringy material that seemed to grab at my hand as I brushed past it. I gripped and tugged hard to bring it out onto my bedroom floor, but encountered resistance as whatever it was seemed to cling to its secret refuge under my bed. I reestablished my grip on the object and pulled again, harder this time. I engaged the muscles in my stomach and back and just as it seemed the object would never relent a loud POP! echoed through the room as the object came free in my hand.
Startled and thrown off balance, I fell off my bed and sprawled onto the carpet below with the object still in my hand. I looked down at it and my blood turned to ice as I realized I was holding a woman’s head, her face frozen in surprise, her mouth a wide ‘O”.
I dropped the head and scrambled backwards on my butt until my back hit the opposite wall. It was only then I realized it was the head of a sex doll I had ordered 4 years ago, but never used. (It was too weird. Maybe guys who like sex dolls, would also like fucking dead bodies. Not for me!). Her name was Cynthia. I had hidden her under my bed in shame shortly after bringing her home and had forgotten about her. It’s not like a life-size doll is something you can easily throw away without the neighbors asking questions.
I relaxed at that moment. A wave of relief and amusement washed over me and I made a vow to get rid of Cynthia that weekend. Even if that meant I had to cut her into pieces and dispose of her in separate trash bags thrown into separate dumpsters like some sort of mannequin serial killer.
I started to get back up on my feet when the shadows danced around the room again. I glanced toward the space under the bed and saw the light was moving. Something under my bed had control of my phone.
Blinded by the light which was now pointed directly at me, I squinted my eyes to try to make out what fresh new terror was about to befall me. Slowly a form came into shape. A contorted silhouette that writhed in the confined space. It banged against the bed frame above it as it tried to right itself. The light moved, left, right, up, down as the dark shape twisted violently, but it always pointed the light directly into my eyes without fail.
For a moment, the noises below the bed stopped and the light remained still. The only noises audible were my own breathing and the wind that continued to whip the trees outside. I used my hand to shield my eyes from the now stable point of light and the shape solidified into a new form. It was a person crouched low. A Headless person. It was Cynthia.
She began to slowly crawl towards me. My heart skipped a beat as fear paralyzed me for a half second. Cynthia moved closer, moving in a jerky, unnatural motion because I hadn’t opted for the RealGirl™ realistic joint package.
My heart skipped another beat as curiosity paralyzed me for another half a second. Would it really be so bad to let her get to me? What would she do? Fuck me to death? Then I remembered she had fully articulated hands and a skeleton made out of titanium which snapped me out of it pretty quickly.
Cynthia dragged herself along, now halfway out from under the bed, my cellphone in hand.
I leapt into action. I sprang to my feet, took a few steps towards her and kicked at her. Unfortunately, it was dark and I aimed where a head would have been had this been a real person, or a fully-functional sex doll, and broke a toe on my metal bed frame.
Cynthia grabbed for me, but I quickly took a step back and she narrowly missed, her silicone fingers just brushing the skin of my leg. I tried another kick and this time aimed for my cellphone. I connected and sent the phone sliding across the bedroom carpet where it collided with the wall with such force that it flipped itself over landing the flashlight side-down.
The room plunged into darkness with the exception of the small light of my iPhone lock screen. I needed to get to the phone before the lock screen went dark in about 10 seconds, otherwise I would probably never find it.
I made a dash for the phone, but Cynthia caught my ankle sending me crashing to the floor. I couldn’t look back. I needed that phone, that light. Even if it was only so I could see how I was going to die I needed it. Worst case scenario, if I decided I didn’t like what I was seeing, I could always just turn the light off.
Not even wasting the time to stand back up, I crawled for my phone. I could hear the joints in Cynthia’s arms and legs squeak as she emerged from the bed behind me and stood herself up. (When I ordered her, they said the squeaking would fade with use, but like I said, I never used her, I want to make that very clear!) Still, I didn’t look back, I crawled forward, not paying attention to the rug burn on my knees or the pain that radiated up my leg from my broken toe or the 6 foot (tall girls, call me!) murderous sex bot that was standing itself up a mere few feet behind me. I need that phone.
I slammed my hand on the phone just as the light from the home screen faded away and I turned and pointed the flashlight at Cynthia.
She stood tall on her two feet, wearing a tattered and dusty school girl outfit (I’m different now), one large pendulous breast hung outside of her brassiere.
I was done for. Toast. Stick a fork in me. I was lying on my back, looking up at a killer dominatrix with a titanium skeleton, no head and zero pain receptors. All she had to do was fall forward and she’d be on top of me, strangling me with her delicate, perfectly formed and articulated fingers. Maybe, if I was lucky, her other breast would fall out of her shirt in the fall – you know, at least give me something to look at as life drained from me. Fortunately for me, that isn’t what she did.
The killer doll took one-step towards me and faltered.
The thing about sex dolls is that they are mainly designed to sit in chairs, pose on all fours and do a lot of lying on their backs. No one buys a sex doll to have it stand around. That’s like buying a dildo to use as a Christmas tree ornament. Sure, maybe with a little practice and a couple hidden supports you could have it stand around your house like some sort of fucked up anime wax museum, but that’s just not what it is designed to do. Especially if you didn’t spring for the RealGirl™ realistic joint package. I honestly doubt a real human woman would be able to stand unassisted if you gave them the strange cartoony proportions most of these dolls have.
So, Cynthia took a step towards me, wobbled, top heavy. Tried to over-correct, then fell backwards onto my night stand and started squirming to get back on her feet.
I took the opportunity to run.
I got back to my feet and found the bedroom door. My hand hesitated on the knob for a millisecond as I considered what else there might be hiding behind this door, then I opened it anyway. I rushed out of my bedroom and sprinted down the hallway, hearing moans and clicking and growling from behind the doors of the bathroom and second bedroom as I rushed past. I came to the end of the hallway to the main living area and kitchen and turned to head towards the door when I took one last look down the dark hallway towards my bedroom.
Just barely visible through the darkness was Cynthia, crawling on all fours out of the bedroom. Her head was now re-attached but backwards so she faced the ceiling as she crawled forward, her nails making a click-clack sound as she crossed from the carpeted bedroom to the hardwood floor of the hallway.
I shuddered and made for the door.
My plan was to get in the car and drive away, but I left my car keys inside. Instead, I walked to Walmart, the one place on earth where you can walk around in boxers and a white t-shirt and no one bats an eye.
For the second time in 12 hours, I was trying to distract myself to take my mind off of the horrors the lifting of the veil had shown me and this time I was stuck in a Walmart - the epicenter of human horror.
It actually wasn’t too bad; I only had a few hours to kill before the sun came up. At that point, I’d head back to my place, get some clothes and catch up with Destiny to see if she had scheduled a meeting with her old professor yet. I supposed I’d be expecting a call from Pedro at some point as well, I did promise him an internship. I just hoped I could run faster than him.

THIS STORY BEGAN AS A BDSM-INCESTY STORY AND TURNED IT FORCED-TRANS! Dale hated his stepmom Helen and caught her cheating. He blackmailed her into becoming his sex slave. But soon he fell in love with her and maybe got her pregnant. Then Dad caught them, there was a struggle with a gun then ended with Dad dead. Dale and Helen fled to Mexico with Dad's millions to where Helen's stepmom lives in a mansion, which is where Helen force-transitioned Dale.
Sound complicated? That's because it takes place over three parts. This is the final part of the story: Dale's new life as Mom's trans sex slave, Dalia. Here's part 3, where the story turns forced-trans:
https://www.reddit.com/transgenderfantasy/comments/1cggg3a/my_loving_mother_forced_transbdsmincest/
My stepmom’s fist pistoned deeply up my asshole, grazing my prostate and making it ache harder with every thrust. Distractedly I felt my precum dripping down my erect cock, but I was too busy swallowing to pay close attention. My mom’s Mexican stepmom kept emptying her bladder into my mouth.
I’d been tricked and kidnapped by my stepmom, Helen, enslaved and force-transitioned from a twenty-year-old dude into a hot-looking, big-titted shemale. We were deep in Mexico, living in a compound that would have cost ten-million-dollars back in Los Angeles. Worst of all, she had framed me for my own father’s murder after she’d stolen all his money, so even if I escaped I couldn’t go back to the USA.
And worst of all? I didn’t know why, but I loved the way it felt, both Mom fisting my ass and her mom peeing down my throat. I guess that since I was trapped in my slavery, my only option was to surrender to it and learn to love it. Second worst was that, despite what Mom had done to me, I was still in love with her.
I wanted her to be proud of her son: the slutty shemale slave.
“That’s it, baby,” Dolores cooed. “Drink the rest of your *abuelita’*s piss like a good girl. Mmmmm. Now lick my pussy nice and clean!”
I buried my tongue in the hot GMILF’s cuntal folds, excited to service the smoldering Latina beauty. And I wanted Mom to be pleased with what a good slave I was. I desperately wanted to have regular sex with her again. Or any kind of sex. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
“That’s such a good girl, Dalia. Look back at Mommy.”
I turned my head as best I could in the stocks and regarded her with shining eyes. “Yes, Mistress!”
“So you love the nasty things your mommies are doing to you? You would gladly do whatever we said?”
“Yes, Mistress!”
She paused fisting me and bent forward to kiss me. “Please call me Mom or Mommy. I like that better.”
“Yes, Mom!”
The relief of her slowly withdrawing fist from my ass triggered a P-gasm and made me spurt a huge glut. My Latina step-grandmother caught my load in her hand and fed it to me while Mom wiped the lube and anal juices from her hand and forearm.
“Let’s take a shower, baby, and I will tell you your future.”
Mom and I embraced and kissed deeply as the hot spray played on out tingling bodies. I loved how my new breasts crushed against hers. The day before, the idea of being a girl and having tits would have been foreign to me but now I loved this. Perhaps all the while I’d jacked off to shemale porn some part of me fantasized of being a chick with a dick!
Mom soaped me while she spoke. “My plans for you have changed, baby.”
“What do you mean, Mom?”
“Dolores and I have done what we did to you before. Many times to various young men. Ten were sons of men we ‘married.’ I had real affection for all those boys, but you’re the first I ever fell in love with.” She kissed me. “When you released me from slavery so soon, it showed character none of the others have.”
“I just loved you too much to keep you as my slave.”
She curled her hand around my cock. “As you will soon see, my new daughter, the love between dominant and slave can be very intense. Usually we sell off the sissies and shemales we’ve transitioned. Rich men and women who enjoy your kind.” She gripped it hard, making me wince. “But I am keeping you for myself.”
Still locked onto my dick, she kissed me hard and raped my mouth with her tongue. When she was done, she forced me to my knees and told me to lick her asshole until she was satisfied. I was in heaven!
The next day began my intensive training in Femininity, cooking, maid service and Spanish. I also had the joy of being a dress-up doll for my stepmother, who seemed to relish just how girly she could make me look: sweet, sophisticated or slutty. I got massive boners as she showed me how sexy a girl I could be. At night I slept in a doggy bed at the foot of their bed. I jacked off, hearing them fuck every night.
After two weeks I could walk gracefully in four-inch heels all day while I cleaned their huge home, served them dinner, massaged them, and orally serviced them, which they both seemed to love. I could also now hold basic conversations in my new language.
“It will come in very handy when you start your new job tomorrow afternoon, mija,” Mom said using the endearing term for daughter.
The look in her eyes made me shiver. “What job, Mami?”
It turned out on the adjacent property, my stepmom and her mom owned a high-end brothel for the wealthy residents in the region and any horny guy who could scrape together the equivalent of $500 USD for an hour. That was the minimum price to be with one of their whores, of which I’d be one.
Dolores and Mom escorted me to a second-floor hallway when ten of the doors were painted lavender-purple. They explained these were the sissies and shemales, all of which they had transitioned.
“And in here is your room when you’re not serving us at home.”
It was big with a large bed and a closet filled with lingerie and fetishwear. The dresser held a variety of sex toys. Two easy chairs sat on the wall right next to the bed. Mom and her mom sat in them and told me to strip. Soon I stood naked in front of the bed.
“Put on a good show for your Mamis,” Dolores said.
I wondered what she meant until the door opened a minute later. Eleven youngish, well-built Latinos sauntered into the room, all of them wearing shorts, jerseys and sports shoes. Most of them were very handsome. They all looked at me like a banquet.
“This is our regional soccer team,” Helen said. “We’ve arranged this in appreciation of their efforts.”
“She’s all yours, boys,” Dolores said.
They picked me up like a gym bag and deposited me in the middle of the mattress, doggy-style. Save for my frequent pegging by Helen and Dolores, my shemale ass was virgin when it came to man-cock. I’d anticipated them getting a real dick for me at some point; just not eleven all at once! I was intensely glad. I spread my knees wide to provide total access to my asshole and wiggled my ass, whimpering for cock.
By now I knew enough Spanish so when the youngest and cutest of them said, “look how the hot slut wants it,” I nodded my head and panted.
“Anyone can see that, Ernesto,” said his teammate. “You’re the star player so you go first.”
“There is lube on both nightstands,” Mom said.
“My spit will be good enough,” Ernesto said. “Your bitch is so sexy I must taste her sexy pussy!”
I moaned at his hot tongue pressing into my asshole, but my sound of pleasure was cut off by an eight-inch dick pressing into my open mouth. I sucked on it eagerly, thrilled that not one man but eleven of them would take my cherry today.
I groaned in ecstasy as Ernesto’s dick slid deeply into my tranny cunt. I shoved my butt back against his thrusts, driving his dick even deeper into my hungry hole. Another of them crowded in by my face, so I alternated between sucking one, then another.
I lost track of time but eventually one of the guys fucking my mouth announced we was going to cum. Helen and Dolores came up to the bed so they could watch their tranny daughter take her first taste of semen.
“Open wide, mija,” Mom said. “Make your Mamis proud.”
Thick, stringy jizz splattered onto my lips and tongue, jetted into the back of my mouth. The taste made me dizzy with lust as I swallowed it all and sucked the left of it out of his dick. The smell of cum filled the air, and that’s when Ernesto seized my hips and shot his load up my ass.
“Clean his cock, slave,” Mom announced and he pulled out of me.
Without hesitation I followed my mistress-mom’s orders, eagerly sucking lube, cum and my own ass juices of his still-hard brown cock. The guy fucking my mouth moved around to take my ass and a new man poked his tool into my mouth.
It felt like for hours I sucked and fucked those rugged, hunky men while my stepmom and sexy step grandmother watched. The last guy to fuck me peed up my ass, then he smacked my butt with a big grin and got dressed with the rest of them. I lay on the bed, filled and covered with their hot, sticky seed.
Helen took a knee next to me on the bed. “I am so proud of you, my sweet Dalia. You were so sexy, so powerful taking on all those men. Do you know how perfect a girl you make?”
I looked up at her in adoration. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, baby. Tell me the truth. Do you like being Dalia? You don’t have to be her. “We could stop giving you hormones and get a doctor to remove your breasts. You’d still have a girl’s waist, but—”
“I love being Dalia. And I love being your slave. When we left America, I could never have imagined I’d love all this, but now that I have, I want to stay a girl. And a sex slave.”
Dolores smiled down at me. “Didn’t I tell you she would, baby? Our girl was born for this. I’m glad you saw it.”
Mom stood and extended her hand. “Come with me, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up. Tonight you sleep in the bed with Mom and me.”
That night was like heaven. They took me into their bed where they lay together, fully nude. Mom and her stepmom were so gorgeous as a lesbian couple, like a pair of angels. They sat me up against the padded headboard and began to make love in front of me.
“Mamis, you are so beautiful!” I gasped in perfect Spanish.
The sight of them deep-kissing, sucking each other’s nipples, fingering their pussies and assholes, going down on each other got me so hard my dick did pushups. Finally when they included me in their lesbo tryst, I was mindless with lust.
“Just lie there and let us love you, mija,” Dolores said.
For ten minutes they just kisses and caressed every inch of me except my cock. Mom breathed on the blood-swollen head of my cock a few times, making my boner rage even harder. It kept throbbing, lifting off my girlish tummy in time with my racing heart.
“I think she will cum too soon,” Helen said.
“Yes, but I think she will stay hard if she does.”
“You should do it, Mom,” Helen giggled. “Feed it to her.”
That was when my Mexican step-grandmother’s full, bow-shaped lips encircled my cockhead and slurped it into her mouth. Dolores was actually fifty-two but looked ten years younger, her body firm and tight and shapely. Her smoldering brown eyes linked with mine as she sucked my tranny cock while the ache in my balls reached orgasm.
“Oh, Mami!” I groaned as I felt my balls drain into her mouth.
Mom’s sexy mother straddled me, her large tits hanging as she bent to kiss me. I whimpered as my load flooded through my lips. She and I caressed each other tongues, sticky with my jizz, and slowly drank it. Then she knelt over my face and lowered her moist pussy to my mouth.
“Eat your grandma’s pussy, little hermana,” she cooed.
While I licked her mom’s cunt, Helen stroked my cock into a new erection. I moaned into Dolores’ pussy until Mom had got me fully hard again. Then Mom mounted me cowgirl-style and fed me into her hot, clinging vagina. I thought I might die from pleasure.
“Time for a new taste, Dalia,” the older woman said.
She turned around and positioned her asshole onto my mouth. Hungrily I lapped away at the brown-pink hole, while she leaned forward to French kiss her daughter riding my cock. For hours we made love and fucked and cuddled in the bed. They spit-roasted me twice with dildos they had ready for me. We all slept naked, cuddled together.
The next morning began as usual, except I rose from their bed for a change. I donned my household serving lingerie—panties, bra, self-gartered, lacy hose and 3-inch pumps—and served them fresh-ground coffee in bed. They both seemed a bit sad but I knew better than to ask questions of them first thing in the morning.
Unusually, after I’d made breakfast for the three of us, I was allowed to sit at the table with them and eat. Usually I ate standing at the kitchen counter or, if they felt playful, from a dog-food bowl by the dining room table. Suddenly, I couldn’t stand the suspense.
“May your girl ask a question?”
“You want to know why we are being so nice to you,” Mom said.
“Yes, Mommy.”
“We are very sorry, Dalia,” Dolores said, “but the man who owns the soccer team has become interested in you. He offered us a quarter-million dollars American for you.”
“Of course we said no until he said he would make trouble for us. Then he said we’d better take the money or he would take you for free and still make trouble for us with the Federales.”
My eyes filled with tears. “What does he want me for, Mom?”
“A personal slave, baby,” Helen said. “For serving and sex and whatever he wants.”
“He will tire of you eventually and we will buy you back.”
I looked at Dolores, sick with grief and fear. “Really?”
“That is what we hope, mija.”
“Look on the bright side, baby,” Mom soothed. “Nobody can better help you become a woman than a man, especially one such as he. Being his slave will make the lessons that much deeper.”
Mom’s phone beeped. She looked at the display. “He’s on his way here. Let’s get you ready to go, baby.”
They arrayed me in classic, three-piece lingerie: push-up bra, bikini panties, and garterbelt holding up seamed stockings, all white lace. The dress looked like a wedding gown but it was sheer, showing off my large breasts and my tranny cock. Despite my sadness and anxiety, I couldn’t help being a bit excited to be owned by a man!
“Do not fear, my beautiful girl,” Mom said. “Don Ricardo lives very nearby and he believes in family, so we will see you all the time.”
“We will more than see you, Dalia,” Dolores grinned. “He is also a voyeur and wants to see us have sex with you. If we put on a good show for him, he might want to see it every week. Maybe more.”
“I hope so,” I begged. “I love the both of you so much!”
They led me into a room with “Bridal Suite” on the door—the most expensive of their brothel rooms, just for high-rollers.
Mom crushed me to her body, our breasts pushing together, and kissed me deeply. “I love you so much, baby. I really do.”
My grandmom kissed me next just as deeply, and she rubbed my cock through my see-thru dress enough to provoke a boner. “You must go to him alone, mija. And do all you can to please him.”
I entered and closed the door behind me. I heard a sudden inrush of breath, followed by a low, hungry chuckled. He sat totally naked on the bed and looked hungrily at me, grinning and shaking his head.
I got to my knees and lowered my head, hands on thighs. “Your new slave is called Dalia, Master, if it should please him. Command her.”
“Look at me, palomita,” he smiled, calling me “little dove.”
I craned my head as he stood. My new Papi stood at least six-six with strong arms and legs, a broad chest and a hard, muscled stomach. His hair was short and he was very handsome with a trim mustache. His dark eyes gleamed with lust.
“Oh my!” I gasped as I looked at his cock. It was as long as my forearm and tapered, thankfully. I could deep-throat at least part of it. Then I realized my error and lowered my head. “Your girl begs forgiveness for speaking without permission.”
He picked me up as easily as a baby and swept me into his arms. “There will be time for master-slave later,” he said kindly and lowered his lips to mine.
I tingled with the thrill of being so helpless, completely in his power, as his thick tongue probed my mouth and made love to mine. It was a dizzying sensation to feel owned by him, and my cock strained at my lace panties and leaked precum. I wanted to suck him off and take his massive tool deep up my shemale pussy.
“I love you, Daddy,” I whimpered as he broke the kiss. “I give great head! Please let me suck your dick!”
“After I fuck you, baby,” he sexily growled. “Are you ready?”
Helen had opened me up with a medium-large plug and shot an ounce of sex lube deep into me, knowing he might want to fuck right away. “Oh, I’m ready! I’m so ready for you, Papi!”
He dumped me on the bed and tore my panties off as easily as tissue paper. He stroked his mighty dick to its full, pulsating eleven inches and reached down to pick me up, cupping his hands under my thighs.
“Wrap your arms around my neck, baby.”
My arms securely around him, he lifted me up into the air. It was as thrilling as the feel of his hands holding me up, his broad, hairy chest against my breasts and his cock sliding between my asscheeks. I was so ready for him to put it deep up inside me!
“Put it in me, Papi! Fuck my tranny coño good!”
“Guide me into your hole, puta!”
I held onto the back of his neck with one hand and reached down to grab his thick, pulsing meat. The head was slick with precum. I moved it until I felt it touch my twitching asshole and I nodded. I cried out in hot ecstasy as this big dick slid all of the way into me.
I was so filled by his cock the sensations made me giddy, my anal meat clenched onto his hot, thick manhood. Slowly at first, he thrust in and out, his dick plowing through the walls of my ass, sending electric bolts of pleasure into my prostate.
“Oh, baby, you’re so tight!”
“Fuck me hard, Papi! Fuck your horny slut!”
I was shocked how deeply his dick reached up into me, how much it owned me. I was his now—his girl, his slut! I wrapped legs around his and clung to him, thrusting my hips down as he pounded into me. Both of us panted in desire, French-kissing until we needed to breathe and then kissing again. He was as horny for me as I was for him.
Ever since Mom had force-transitioned me, I’d grown into being a girl and slowly, truly, loving being a girl. As this macho man deep-fucked me, as I gasped and moaned and whined with each thrust, I was now fully a girl. I only wish my moms were in here to see this!
“Papi, you slut-girl loves you so much,” I whimpered. I kissed him and he kissed me back, full of passion.
“Would you like your mamis to join us, palomita?” he grinned. “Now that I have made you mine, I want to share you! Go get them, mija.”
“Thank you, Papi! Thank you!”
Papi directed us so we could get the most out of it. Mom lay on her back with her legs spread, while her mom knelt over her face so Mom could lick her asshole. Papi put me between Mom’s legs and sliding my tranny cock into her, which positioned my mouth directly over Dolores’ juicing cunt. I eagerly lapped at her sweet-wild pussy lips.
For a few minutes he watched the three of us having sex until he couldn’t wait any longer. Don Ricardo knelt behind me and slipped his throbbing tool deeply into me. It felt crazy-good: fucking my mom while I ate her mom’s pussy and Papi railed my slutty ass.
We fucked for a long time until we came together in a big, sweaty, sticky pile of lusty flesh. As mom drained her creampie into my greedy mouth, Don Ricardo announced that he was buying out their mansion and brothel, and that Helen and her mom would be living with us.
“As slaves,” he chuckled. “I hope you don’t mind.”
Mom, my grandmom and I all looked at each other with delight. “We don’t mind,” we said.
He stood before us, stroking his monster to a new erection. “Which one of you ladies is first?” Then he grinned and dialed his cellphone. “The three of you like soccer players, don’t you?”
The End

This is about me ‘33F’ and my husband ‘35M’. My husband is bi but has apparently only been with women. He does do butt stuff and cross dresses but by himself. We’ve been together for 9 years, married for 1 and he has been open about being bi since the beginning but said he was not interested in dating men. It had not been an issue and I’m not one to judge what someone is into.
About 4 years ago I caught him on a hookup website for guys. He swore he was just curious and wouldn’t do it again. Then a few months later I found him on that website. I created a fake profile and catfished him, and caught him as he was about to meet and “hook up with a guy” aka me. He swore it was because he viewed it as separate from me so he didn’t see it as cheating. Swore this was the first time. Not sure if I believe that but he swears on his life. I kicked him out and we ended up working it out within a few weeks because we really do love and care for each other. He ended up proposing two weeks later and I felt like the engagement was tainted because I was not over what happened and pressured to say yes. He couldn’t see why I couldn’t get past it as I would get triggered by things, and still do. We ended up getting married 3 years later. He initially put in a ton of work into our relationship to make me feel secure and build back that trust but I’ve never been the same. We did go to counseling where I was put on anti depression meds, he was as able to realize the damage he’d done, and it helped me realize my feelings were valid.
Fast forward to now. Like I said, I haven’t been the same. I haven’t been able to 100% trust him, feel completely confident in myself, our sex life is not great and I feel emotionally unavailable to him. I know masturbation is normal and he does have a dildo that he uses to take care of the need I cannot fulfill. But I feel resentment towards this thing. I feel like he has sex with it more than he does with me and I get the feeling he isn’t as attracted to me. I’m not some disgusting woman either and had an amazing sex life with previous partners. But the feeling I get when I know he’s doing it, or when something reminds me of that time, I just can’t get over it. I just ran into him walking out of the shower with it and just broke down. It’s like I’m competing with the other side of him. When we do have really good sex, he has to go and use his dildo later on. I want to feel wanted. Like I’m enough. But I feel like this will always be lingering over my head. We’re talking about kids, buying a new home, we’re best friends and get along great with every aspect of our lives except this. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice getting back with him. Would I be happier and less fucked up if I didn’t continue the relationship?
I’m looking into counseling again because this isn’t how I want to live. But I wanted to ask the Reddit world - has anyone out there experienced something similar? How did you work through it? To all my bi guys out there - is this behavior normal? I feel like an idiot.
Edit. We’ve stayed together because we’re best friends. We mesh so well together with everything except for the sex part… finances, family, house stuff, hobbies, travel, our dogs, literally everything is great except this. I love his family, he loves mine. I recently had a major surgery and couldn’t care for myself for two months and he bent over backwards caring for me and the home. He’s perfect in every way, except for what’s mentioned above.
TL/DR: husband almost cheated on me with a guy but we worked it out. I can’t get over what he did and it’s ruining me.

It won't be anything special. I'm constantly numb from being on SSRI that are impossible to get off of.
I don't have a big dick. Women say all the time it isn't necessary but some women will hate their ex but still stay with him and go back to him bexause of his big dick. Also why are dildos usually above average size and sell well?
Such bullshit. I even had a long distance girlfriend who I was deeply in love with walk away like it was nothing. She will now lose her virginity to another man. Life is the real hell I swear..
The only time a girl flirted with me she said I bet you have a big dick.
What a let down that would be.

My boyfriend (29M) and I (26M) are flying across the country and basically we were 4 minutes late to check our luggage.... so we had to take it through tsa screening. I had all my lube, cleaner, dildos, penetrable toy, etc.... well of course it gets flagged. They all start laughing at us and EVERYONE can see what's on the screen. They cause a commotion about it. Teasing the girl that was checking our bags and everything. She said to her cowkrkers "God yall, it's just a bag check. You act like you've never "seen one" before" of course to everyone passing through security they could see exactly what was happening, what we had etc.... she takes all the toys out the bags and lays them on a counter pulls out my tiny bottle of cleaner that I forgot to toss and says "I guess you can keep it". I'm standing there red as a beet just dying of humiliation. Locking eyes with passerbys, and tsa agents making jokes and cracking up about it. Definitley made me feel shitty. Then we missed the flight. So here I am sitting in ATL rather than Denver because some tsa agents couldn't stop making jokes about my private items. I can't believe they aren't more professional about all this. And I honestly can't believe they don't pull a privacy curtain. Like.... I don't care that much about the tsa people seeing that stuff.... but EVERY SINGLE man woman and child who walked by could see it. That's traumatic. Anyway.... that's my rant. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: lol 'libing'. Your boy needs spellcheck.
This is gonna be a long'un. Like, long.
I (M, 39) moved into my current location with my then-partner of 4 years. Life stuff happens, depression sucks, I'm a dickhead and get help too late, we break up. My ex takes her sweet-ass time getting the remainder of her things and her cat, and then I'm alone, living by myself, for the first time since I moved out of home.
It was bliss.
No pants-every-days, the only messes made were my own and I only have myself to blame, TV to myself, couch to myself, shower to myself, the works.
(Quick sidenote about me: I'm not the cleanest person on the planet and any space I regularly inhabit turns into organized chaos only I can navigate. It's not like an episode of 'Hoarders' where the place is completely trashed, and there's no actual filth, though. Just clutter. I leave dishes maybe for a day and smash them out when I come home from work, I vaccuum regularly, and I mop maybe once a month)
Unfortunately my area is getting on the expensive side (yay, housing crisis), and I don't make a great wage. So I was living a pretty restrictive lifestyle (but hey, house to self!). It was high time I got someone else in, so started looking.
Enter The Gronk.
The Gronk is a 27 year old woman, spends all her time playing video games, complains about the dumbest shit, has a mouth on her as if she's Edgelord Bart Simpson, thinks death is better than living, you know the type. Her ad was fine on paper. She was leaving a horrific situation, had stable income, long or short term lease. We meet up and immediately there's a misunderstanding due to an ad for a previous residence I forgot to delete.
Mea Culpa.
We agree on giving her a slightly discounted rate due to my fuckup and her not having a heap of money (her stable income was benefits, btw. No job, not in training. I've been there, done that, and got the postcard, so no judgement there) and she starts the move-in process. I clear out the spare room and make some room on a bunch of shelves I had stuff on. It never looked cleaner.
When The Gronk moved in, she had no furniture, no bed, no wardrobe. Just an Xbox, a bunch of cosplay swords, a shitload of plushies, and a laundry bag full of clothes.
'Kay. Not what I expected, but I guess she got out with what she could. In lieu of sleeping on the floor, she asks if she could crash on the couch for a while till she gets a bed. I assume this is temporary, and give the go-ahead.
She then tells me -despite during our initial meetup that she wanted a long term lease- this is now in fact, a short term thing and is looking to move out again as soon as she finds a place (it's been 4 months as of this writing).
'Kay.
Few weeks pass, I very quickly find out she just walks around pantsless. Underwear on, just no pants. She also never does the dishes, and I'm pretty sure The Gronk has never used a broom in her life.
Cool, I live with me in my 20's. Apologies to every decent housemate I ever had. Meanwhile I clean up other people's mess for a living and don't really want to come home to more of it, so you can imagine how thrilled about this I am.
I throw a quasi-going away party cause I'm headed overseas for a month. I'm getting everything ready, she's in the loungeroom playing Halo with the front door open (screen door closed). Unbeknownst to me, two of my friends turn up and she (according to the friends) barely acknowledges their existence leading to an awkward standoff without me knowing. After seemingly getting the hint that people tend to want to be invited into a home they've never been to before, The Gronk finally gets off of the couch and lets people in.
The party goes off without a hitch, despite The Gronk eating all the cabanossi before anyone else gets a look in. Shit happens, I guess.
Time passes, I go overseas, return home, and the place is in a bit of a state. I expected as much and cracked on with things. Like, I didn't expect a new housemate to do lawns I'm struggling to do myself, and it's not like the place was sparkling clean anyway.
Meanwhile, she's still on the dang couch which -at this point- I'm pretty sure started to get a bit whiffy. I bring this up a couple of times, and half-jokingly mention The Gronk has been living in two rooms (she'd play xbox and do whatever in her room, and sleep on the couch) and I don't see an offer for paying for both. She grumbles and says she'll make arrangements.
Her arrangements turn out to not be a bed, but a children's tent and a sleeping bag.
I mention this to my best mate as a "is this chick for real?" sorta message, and he agrees it's kinda cooked. He also mentions he has a Queen size bed going. Totally free, just pick it up.
I mention this to The Gronk, who refuses it outright, preferring to spend $70 on this tent and sleeping bag arrangement. (she would later mention she was looking for a King Single Bed. Still has still yet to happen). Eventually she'll move her Xbox and TV out to the loungeroom and get her game on there, which I didn't have a major problem with, if you ignore the fact she's constantly up all hours of the night and constantly on voice chat. Not a great situation when you're trying to sleep at 2am, but I digress.
One day she complains about not having any money. I mention my workplace is hiring and I could probably get in a good word for her. Her response? "Fuck that. I want to do work that I enjoy!"
The "work she would enjoy" would be working as a 2D/3D animator. Which, neat. Toy Story 10 is probably going to need some fresh blood.
I'm on a self help/goal achieving kick, so I ask what she's doing to get to that point.
She's not doing anything, because she doesn't have a decent computer.
I mean, fair enough, but neither did Disney, or South Park, and if I can run my entire life (Twitch, music production, some video editing) off of a very tired 6 year old laptop, surely hers can run ClipStudio Lite or whatever. Get that foot in the door, y'know?
Instead of saving for this supposed supercomputer she desperately needs? "Nah fuckit, I'll do OnlyFans instead".
'Kay. No judgie here, I like E-Girls as much as the next red-blooded dude, but I do wonder how she's gonna go when she realizes how much work is actually involved in becoming what amounts to a successful content creator.
As of this writing, she has worked towards neither. Cue surprised_pikachu dot png.
Time passes, she's spending her days playing Destiny, I'm mostly working, dreading coming home and seeing her stupid car parked on the stupid lawn outside of my stupid house. There's been a few diamonds in the rough. She used her benefits to organize a proper pest spray and the lawns being mowed. Turns out we have some things in common, we grew up in the same hometown, and have shared values (we're both woke beta-cucks), and after The Tent Fiasco, it's been the usual humdrum of living with a slob: Dirty dishes, no vaccuming being done, no mopping of floors, etc. I have to do everything.
It all comes to a head this past week when The Gronk orders KFC. I have mentioned in the past we have a pretty small bin and Uber Eats bags are the bane of my existence, and to please chuck them in the council bin outside. She ignores this despite me literally walking past her to do this exact thing.
Twice.
I get offered a Potato and Gravy tub. I decline, having already eaten.
Little did I know that KFC Potato and Gravy is so good, that it requires a domestic dispute being made out of it.
She chucks the P+G in the fridge, reheats it two days later, decides it's gross AF and leaves it on the kitchen bench. At this point, I'm just done with her bullshit over the last few months and don't mention it. Surprisingly, she asks what to do with it.
I tell her "chuck it in the bin and take the bin out".
She says she'll do it first thing tomorrow morning.
After a back and forth about "the bin is right there and you're going basically to the front door anyway. Take the extra 30 seconds", she whacks it in the fridge and goes to bed.
The next day, I'm running a D&D campaign for a few friends and friends-of-friends. I already know it's going to be a full house, The Gronk is going to be a bad fit for the group, and again, done with her BS, I neglect to mention this aspect, merely that people are coming over. Probably a bit shitty, but whatever. I'm not under a contractual obligation to make friends. While I'm cleaning the house, I ask her about the now-congealed-and-i-think-it-winked-at-me Potato and Gravy on a plate and whether it's being binned.
She absolutely goes off about it and yells at me that she'll deal with it. At this point, I've been waiting for her to deal with it for 8 hours. The Potato and Gravy is finally binned by yours truly. It will not hurt another living soul.
Later in the night, when she realizes we're playing D&D, and I reiterate we have a full group, she stops everything and decides to 'watch the carnage'.
'Kay.
She spends the whole session giving me shit about not knowing 5th edition that well ("gee, even I know more than you") (sidenote: I've never created a character in 5E from scratch, much less run a game. I'm a 3.5 guy), throwing shade in front of friends and complete strangers ("You've known him for years? I've known him for only months and god help us all"), telling everyone about her dildo collection, and throwing a bitch-fit any time I ask simple questions like "Hey, is this chocolate yours? I need to move it to fit snacks on my shelf", and generally making sure the entire session is about how much she knows.
Like, way to ensure you're never getting an invite.
I'm not a shrinking violet. I can take a pretty hefty amount of shit from people if I know them very well or for the love of quality banter. The Gronk sucks at banter and is not a good friend I've known for a while. So it's kind of a sticking point.
Yesterday she was complaining about needing to find a new doctor. I thought I'd spend a quick moment looking up one that may fit her needs. I suggest two places and get screeched at because "I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THAT ONE AND I CAN'T AFFORD IT!" in a tone that would make a 56k modem blush.
Fast forward to TODAY. The Gronk is out, and in my infinite wisdom, I accidentally flood the laundry. She takes one look at the aftermath and goes "your machine, your problem." and wanders off to shower after an entire day of being useless.
Maybe I'm off the mark here, but wouldn't a decent person offer to help? Ask if I need a few hundred towels or something? I know it's my fault and I didnt want/need her help, but still.
And here we are. Like I said, I'm not the tidiest, or nicest person to live with. I'm a cranky old man who owns too much shit. But so far, I'm living with someone who does nothing all day, nothing around the house, and pays a not-too-bad discount on rent only to be disrespected in my own home and bitched out to my friends. I don't think I run so tight of a ship it's unreasonable, and hell, if I'm willing to mop a small lake up in the laundry for an hour, surely I'm not that bad to live with either.
I guess this is a rant-turned-very long AITA when it comes down to it.

First off, this is just fantasy, and in fact was written for someone else. If you don't enjoy incest or young sex, please read something else. If you have an idea you'd like to have turned into a story let me know...travisbot@yahoo.com ******************************************************* It was a typical Saturday morning and I was lying in bed with my wife. The sun was starting to come up and I could hear birds chirping outside. I looked over and saw her sleeping peacefully, and I couldn't help but think out the wonderful night of lovemaking we had last night. Reaching under the covers I gave her ass a gentle squeeze, both of us having slept naked as usual. I turned my head as I heard the sound of our 13 year old daughter Emma gently opening our door. She looked at me, seeing my open eyes, Daddy, can I come in the bed with you? I nodded gently as it wasn't unusual for her to join us on a weekend morning. We weren't shy about nudity in our family, and she knew that her Mommy and I normally slept with no clothes on. She would crawl on top of the sheets and cuddle with us until we all got up. I watched Emma walk over in her thin silky pink nightgown and couldn't help but think a little bit about the white cotton panties I knew she was wearing when she went to bed. At 5'2 she was almost as tall as her mother, but was thin as a reed. I looked at her tiny body, still smooth and hairless and just barely beginning to show any signs of womanhood. As she walked up the bed she started to pull the covers back but I stopped her. Honey, Daddy's not wearing any PJs today. It's okay Daddy. I've seen you naked in the shower. Is it okay if I get in? I looked over at my wife. I knew that growing up she was very close with her family. Growing up with parents that were very much hippies I knew that she was way more open about her sexuality with our daughter than most, but I still felt weird about her being in bed with us in just her nighty and panties when we were naked. Please Daddy. Mommy won't mind I know. I looked at those precious little eyes and nodded my head. I did my best to hide my morning erection from her, rolling a little to hide it in the bed. As she climbed into bed I felt my wife roll over. She smiled at Emma and gave her a little wink, Good morning Honey. I looked at them both, wondering what that was about, but knowing that they shared so much it wasn't a surprise that I was left out. As rolled over on my back to give my wife a little kiss, I felt Emma start to crawl up on top of me. I started to stop her, not wanting her to feel my erect cock. My wife leaned over, whispering in my ear, let her baby, it's fine. I still felt a little weird about it, but who was I to argue with these 2 ladies. I looked at my wife, still confused, as I felt Emma's tiny 5'2 and 90lb body lay on top of me. I could feel her warmth against me, my hardness pressed between us. In spite of my attempts at thinking about baseball and my Grandma, feeling her tiny body, with nothing but a thin silky nightgown and little white cotton panties was doing nothing to make my hard on go away. I was worried that Emma, or my wife, was going to be concerned about that. I gasped as Emma squirmed on top of me, her nighty starting to slip up a little bit. I felt my wife snuggle close to us, her body pressed against me as she started whispering in my ear. I couldn't even begin to believe what she was telling me. She told me that when she was just a little younger than Emma she began to explore her sexuality. Her Mother had embraced her young body, taking her into her bed, teaching her about her body, masturbating, how to please each other and a man. Her mother finally encouraging her to have her daddy be her first lover. I turned, looking at my wife...I couldn't believe it...her first lover was her Dad? As my wife continued to tell me this I felt Emma gently rocking her hips on me. As she was rubbing on my now throbbing cock I felt my wife gently assisting in easing her nightgown up. I knew it would only be a few more seconds before there was nothing but her tiny white panties separating her hairless virgin pussy from my rock hard cock. My wife continued to explain that Emma was like she was. At her age there was no stopping her budding sexuality. She was going to experiment, and did we as parents want our child's first sexual experiences to be with some clueless teenager? Someone who might not be gentle and kind, not be a good teacher, to scar her for life? Wasn't it better to have it be safe and with someone trustable who could be a gentle teacher? I couldn't believe what was happening; my sweet 13 year old girl was rubbing her body on me and my wife was trying to convince me that I should be the one to take her virginity? This couldn't be happening. I felt Emma rubbing against me, my wife slipping her nighty up. I felt her hips rubbing against me, but instead of feeling her panties, I felt her tiny bald pussy lips rubbing on my cock. I moaned slightly as her copious pussy juices began coating my cock. I looked over at my wife, I can't do this...I can't take her virginity. Emma rocked her hips and then slid up a little to whisper in my ear, please Daddy. I want you to be the one. I love you, I trust you, I know you will make it special. Mommy told me how good her Daddy was and I want that with you. With that, Emma sat up on me, pressing her tiny slit against my cock and slipped the nightgown over her head. I looked at her thin young body, my cock now throbbing pressed against her little virgin cunt. She looked at my wife who gave her a nod. With that she crawled up my body, straddling my face, pressing her hairless virgin pussy against my mouth. I could smell her sweet aroma, feel the heat of her young pussy. I gently licked her outer lips, spreading them with my tongue. I began to lick her inner labia, noticing how her inner stuck out from her little slit just like her mother. As I twirled my tongue around her clit I heard her moan out, oh yes Daddy. Daddy! DADDY! Just as I was about to press my tongue into her tiny virgin hole I felt my wife pick up her tiny frame and turn her around. She was still sitting on my face, but now facing my cock, giving me the perfect view of her tiny hairless pussy and puckered brown asshole. I began licking her lips again as I felt my wife's mouth on my cock. I moaned into Emma's pussy and I felt my wife begin to lick last night's sex from my cock. I felt Emma lean down and suddenly there were 2 mouths on my cock. Oh Daddy you taste so good. Mommy told me you would. I think you taste even better than Mommy. I gasped as her words sunk in...this isn't the first time they have been together. I pondered this as I spread her ass cheeks, flicking my tongue over her tiny asshole. She pushed back a little, and from her reaction I realized her and Mommy must have talked about that too. I licked her pussy for all it was worth, but 2 mouths on my cock was soon going to be more than I could handle. Girls, please don't stop, I'm going to cum soon. Much to my dismay, before the words were even out of my mouth both of them had stopped. Daddy, don't cum yet. I want you to take my virginity and cum inside me. Please, please! My wife wasn't even waiting for a response, she knew full well I wouldn't be able to resist. Emma crawled down to straddle me again, rubbing her soaking wet pussy on my cock. I moaned, even at 13 she was producing lots of pussy juice just like her Mommy. I couldn't help but wonder if this is exactly how my wife was at 13. The thought made me even hornier. She helped Emma position herself over my cock, taking my cock in her hand and guiding it to Emma's tiny hole. I looked at her hairless pussy lips, just starting to spread as my throbbing mushroom head was pushing them apart. I looked at my wife and child, seeing how much they looked alike. Realizing what a sexy young woman Emma had become. Emma looked at her Mommy who just said, whenever you are ready baby. This is what you wanted. I gasped as I felt her tiny pussy slide down my cock just a tiny bit, the head pushing into her lips, but still not penetrating her. I couldn't believe how tight she was. Even with all that pussy juice it was hard to get inside her. I felt her pressing down harder, both of us moaning as my cock slipped into her tiny tight pussy. I watched as about an inch of my cock entered her, Emma pausing to adjust to my cock inside her. She pulled up just a little until my cock was almost out of her, then slipping down and taking a little more inside her. It was all I could do to stop from thrusting my hips up and forcing my cock in to her tiny tight little hole. I looked up to see my wife watching as her baby got fucked by my swollen cock. She had 2 fingers in her pussy and was furiously masturbating her pussy as she watched. Emma began bobbing up and down now, taking a little more of my cock with each thrust. She had about 2/3rd of my cock inside her and with one hard downward thrust she took my entire cock in her. She moaned as she did so, stopping again to adjust to my size inside her. I just moaned, her pussy was so tight around my throbbing cock I thought I might break her in half. I leaned up to lick Emma's tiny nipples, running my tongue around them, sucking the tiny barely formed nubs into my mouth. She moaned and started to slide up and down a little more on my hard cock, eventually taking me fully inside her with each thrust. I watched, amazed that her wisp thin 90 lb body could possibly take my cock. She was so tiny I thought I would see my cock making her swell as I filled her. She was moaning nonstop now, and my wife came over and started licking her nipples. I couldn't believe how tight she was, and I knew that I couldn't be able to last very long, but I figured she could only take so much of my thick cock in her the first time. As my wife began licking her nipples Emma's moaning increased substantially. I felt her pussy squeezing me tighter, her pussy so tight now it was almost painful. I pulled Emma down on top of me, bringing her mouth to mine I began to gently kiss her. She kisses me back, our tongues poking out just a little bit to touch each other. Emma whispered in my ear, oh thank you Daddy. You feel so good in me. It's so much better than Mommy's dildos. I felt my wife move to the bed behind us and felt her hand begin rubbing my balls. She leaned down and gently spread Emma's ass cheeks, leaning in and rubbing her tongue over Emma's asshole. Emma was moaning into my mouth as we were kissing, bouncing her ass faster now on my cock. I know how much my wife loves eating ass, so I knew that she much be licking and sucking her rosebud, thrusting her tongue into Emma's tight little asshole. I felt Emma's pace increase, and her pussy was pulsating on me. Her tiny bald pussy was so tight and my cock was throbbing inside her. She pulled back from my mouth screaming out YES DADDY, OH, Oh, DAAADDDDY and with that I felt her clamp down on my cock and her tiny 13 yr old pussy began to cum all over me. Please cum in me Daddy. I want to feel your cum in me like Mommy does. Please Daddy! CUM IN ME NOW! That was all I could take and I moaned, gave her one good hard thrust and my hot seed erupted into my daughter's recently virgin pussy. I moaned as squirt after squirt shot in to her hot velvety cunt. I could feel my cum running out of her already, her hole just not big enough to accommodate my cock and a huge load of cum. I felt Emma's tiny pussy squeezing me as I was cumming, and suddenly she let out a scream and her pussy flooded me with juices. It was so much I thought at first she was pissing on me, but then realized it was just a huge squirt. She moaning out, pushing my wife's face away from her asshole and collapsing onto me. Thank you Daddy. That was amazing. I'm so glad you got to be my first. With that she laid her head on my chest and sighed, my softening cock still in her tiny cum filled pussy. My wife laid next to us, smiling at me and nuzzling my neck. I wasn't sure you'd be up to this, but I'm glad that you were. She'll remember this for the rest of her life. I know I sure remembered all the things my parents taught me. I looked at her, still amazed at all I had learned today. My wife gave Emma a little pat and said, Emma darling, it's cleanup time. With that Emma rolled over on her back and my wife squatted he Pussy over Emma's face in a 69. With a familiarity that told me this wasn't their first time they began to lick each other. Emma would rock her hips and squeeze to get as much of my cum out of her so that my wife could lick her clean. Emma did her part licking my wife, sucking her clit in her mouth pulling her hips down to dart her tiny tongue over her puckered asshole. My wife was attacking Emma's tiny pussy when Emma started shaking with yet another orgasm. I could hear her moaning into my wife's pussy. As her orgasm passed she rolled my wife off her, time to clean up Daddy now. They both came over and started licking my half hard cock. Their 2 wonderful tongues on my cock and balls had the blood beginning to return to my partially flaccid member. Emma came up and whispered in my ear, you have to get it hard again Daddy because Mommy needs to get fucked hard. I want to be able to taste your cum in Mommy next. I hope you don't mind if I 69 Mommy while you fuck her doggy style because I really want to learn! It was all I could do to smiled and nod, since at that point most of my blood was in my dick. I just looked at my sweet little Emma as she crawled under her Mommy, and then looked and my fabulous wife with her ass in the air...this promised to be a great few years. Read more

Grandpa’s Nautilus - Chasing Unicorns
Grandpa passed away earlier in November. We buried him a week before Thanksgiving, then we all gathered at his house for the Thanksgiving holiday to keep grandma company and remember grandpa.
Of course, I loved grandpa. He is a watch aficionado just like myself. In fact, he taught me about how to grease the cocks of the luxury ADs for optimum waitlist positioning. Grandpa owned my grail: a Patek Nautilus. It should be mine by right via inheritance. The rest of the family have shit tastes in watches, opting to wear Fossil and other battery powered empty shells of fraudulent horology.
I played my desire for the Patek close to the vest all weekend. I was aware of protocol (wait a certain time, etc…). But I finally decided that I could not risk it any longer. So, the day before Thanksgiving I asked grandma if I could have grandpa’s Patek. She laughed at me and said “Son, that watch is worth over a 100 grand! I’m going to sell that damned thing and buy me a condo in one of them fancy retirement communities in Florida. You know, where the old folks hook up and have geriatric orgies?”
I was full of rage! How dare she!! That was MY watch!! There was no way I was going to allow this old bitch to sell grandpa’s Patek. I owed it to grandpa to put a stop to this travesty. So I devised a plan.
I snuck off on Thanksgiving day and got some of grandpa’s clothes, his fedora, shoes, moth eaten sweater, and pipe. I was going to dress up like grandpa then wake up grandma in the middle of the night. She would think I was grandpa’s ghost, have a heart attack, then die. Then, with her out of the way, I can legally gain entry into her and grandpa’s safe deposit box (where the Patek Naughty is stored).
The disguise was perfect! I genuinely resembled grandpa. Mix some darkness in, and I was his spitting image! At around 3:00 am I went into grandma’s bedroom. She was sound asleep. It was my time to strike!! I started making ghost sounds like “Oooooooooooohhhh!!!!”. Nothing worked. She would not wake up. Finally, I whacked grandma on her head and made some more spooky sounds. Now she woke up!
She saw me standing over her, looking just like grandpa. She immediately shot straight up in bed. “MAURY !!! Is that you?!?”, she asked. I replied in a ghostly voice, “Yes, grandma, it’s me, your husband, Maury”. Grandma said she was so glad to see me and that she missed me so much.
Then grandma did something unexpected. She lunged at me, getting me in her arms and pulling me close to her. Then she said “Oh Maury, I need you so much. I need you inside of me. Fuck me, Maury. Fuck me hard, like an animal.” It was at this point that I first started regretting my decision.
Grandma’s right hand found my groin and started rubbing my cock. Despite my utter revulsion, the situation was what it was. If you rub a wang it gets hard. Pretty soon I was rigid. Grandma felt it. Then she took it a step further. She started blowing me. After a moment I finally got what it was like to have an older woman take out her dentures for you and aggressively gum your stump. Incredible. But I digress.
Now, of course, I wanted to put a stop to this. My brain was running all sorts of calculations on probabilities and risks of putting a halt to this grossness. The fact was, I was scared of grandma finding out it was me. The embarrassment for both of us would be devastating.
I started thinking that maybe if I just fucked grandma she would thereafter fall asleep. I could then sneak away and kill myself. The next morning she would think it was just a dream. This was the plan I went with.
However, things got a lot worse before they got better. It turns out that grandma had quite a labido. It also turned out that that poor grandpa had some pretty disturbing kinks, like having his nads stomped on by grandma while she wore high heels. He apparently was also into pegging and being choked into unconsciousness. In fact, the dizziness and confusion I suffered over the next couple days suggest that my brain suffered from oxygen deprivation.
When I finally came to it was 7:00 am. Grandma was passed out next to me with a dildo in her mouth. I felt sick. I noticed that there was blood puddled up around me. Upon investigation I discovered the blood was coming from my asshole. I cried. Then I pulled myself together, and with a quickly hardening determination I decided that I was going to get grandpa’s Patek…at any cost!!
I pushed the dildo a little further down grandma’s throat as I covered her face with a pillow. I braced for resistance, but none came. I realized that grandma was already dead. I guessed that I had fucked grandma to death! I smiled with pride. I am unsure what to make of my involuntary response of pride, but I just let it go.
I quietly retrieved grandma’s hand-held Shark vacuum from her kitchen and used it to suck up all the DNA evidence from in and around grandma. Then I snuck out of her bedroom and went to my room.
My mother discovered grandma’s corpse. I guess it was too much for mom to lose both parents so close together. She suffered a nervous breakdown and had to be institutionalized immediately. Women, amIrite? LOL!!
I got ahold of my lawyer. I signed some papers, got the death certificates, and presto!! The bank allowed me access to the safe deposit box!! I was about to explode from the excitement building inside of me.
But my excitement was quickly dashed. The box was empty, completely. I was dumbstruck. After I composed myself I went to talk to one of the bank officers about this. I found a Vice President of the bank who told me what happened. “Ah yes, Bertha came in about a week ago. She said she wanted to sell a certain watch stored in her safe deposit box so, in her words, ‘that sneaky little shit grandson doesn’t steal it from her.”
The VP looked at me and asked, “I take it that YOU are that sneaky little shit?” I nodded. “Hmmmmm…. Well, the Nautilus is gone. Bertha sold it and then used the proceeds to buy a condo in Florida at a place called ‘Horny Acres’. I guess you can try to sell the condo to recoup some inheritance”, said the banker. Then he walked away.
Epilogue
I did use the condo in Florida to recoup some of my inheritance. I did not get enough to replace the Patek. However, I did get enough to buy a Rollie Daytona! I could not sell the condo due to the shitty economy. So I moved into it instead and whored myself out to the senior community! I made big bank slinging my cock around those old women (and men)!

I am exactly 7 weeks post-op at the time of writing. My surgeon told me that I can resume vaginal penetration at 8 weeks. That is only a week away, and so I'm mentally planning the best way to get back into it. (With a dildo anyway, I do not currently have a partner.)
My hysterectomy was not for any physical health reasons (ftm), so there's no issues to worry about there. It was a very standard laparoscopic procedure and my recovery has been very easy for the most part. (Had some bleeding throughout the second week but that's completely resolved now.) I also had everything removed: uterus, cervix, both fallopian tubes, and both ovaries.
I'm completely back to feeling normal. No pain, able to walk for hours without any soreness, able to sit and lay in any position I want. Absolutely no soreness or anything with external masturbation, that aspect is completely back to normal too. My surgeon checked my cuff at 6 weeks and said that I healed absolutely fine and she couldn't even see the stitches anymore.
Does anyone have any tips or things to mention that aren't the usual "go slow and use lube"? I don't know what to expext. I'm quite nervous about returning to vaginal penetration, though my body does feel ready. I specifically bought a smaller dildo than I previously owned just to be on the safe side.
I plan to 'warm up' before exploring inside with clean fingers and seeing how everything feels before moving onto the dildo.
I'm also curious about what a vibrator such as a Lush would be like? Would that sitting still and vibrating be easier on my insides than a dildo? I'm quite nervous for everything

“Well Sir, It wuz about 1997 I reckon and I wuz out at my still site making me sum product. I had to produce 500 gallons of hooch in jest a couple days or I wuz gonna be in sum BIG trouble. Ya see, about a week ago I wint inta town a’fore my monthly trip fo supplies. This is whin I gits my corn and sugar, and my Sudafed.”
“Well, my monthly town trip usually takes up the good part of the day. After I finish I usually go down to the local cat house to wet my noodle and then hit a local hotspot, “The Lynchin’ Tree”, fer some of the devil’s nectar and good times.”
“So on this here particular night I wuz jest a sittin’ and a drinkin’ at the bar in the “Tree”. All a sudden this here sweet little thang saddled up a’side me at da bar in one of them thar mini skertz and having one of the best “fuck me silly” looks I ever seen in her eyes. She wuz a petite little brunette with curly hair, a dark complexion, and blow job lips.”
“Now Sir, I shoulda jest turned around, got off’n my bar stool and shot sum pool er sumthin. Hell, I had already been to the cat house tonight and got my fill. I had me 3 sloots at the whore house at one time. I picked out a chank, a wetback, and a negro girl. Then we played “Slave Master and Rebellion”, which be a lil foreplayin game I went and made up. Then we all fucks each other, with strap-ons, and dildos, and wax covered axe handles. Anything and everthang goes!”
“So I got done ober at da hoe house a lil late tonight. Ya see, tonight thangs got a little too wild. After the help cleaned up all the blood and jizz soaked sheets, shit covered walls, and the purple dildo stuck in the wall, they found that thar little chink girl dead. I don’t know what happened to ‘er. It must of jest been her time, I reckon. Clearly it wuz natural causes. But I had to help the house clean up the mess.”
“Ya see, this here little ching-chong girl wuz imported. She wuz recruited from over seas to be in the Jizz-Biz. But don’t gits the wrong idea about Old Roy. I ain’t no pervert. I always makes sure they of legal age a’fer I violates them. You can tell by countin the rings inside thar vaginas. Remember: Less than 5 and yer gettin’ life; 6 or more and ya bang dat whore!”
“Now, this here weak-Constitutioned chinky chick wuz a’gonna be a problem fer the house because she wuz leased out to ‘em, ya know what I mean? She was owned by one of them thar sex trafficking cartels, and the house wuz gonna have to pay dearly fer losin’ cartel proppitty.”
“Now Old Roy is one of them thar ‘always thinkin on his feet’ kind of fellers. I knew the house wuz going to be right pissed off about this. If they didn’t kilt me, then the sex trafficking cartel would. So while all eyes were on the dead chink’s contorted body, I dived out the winder and ran fer it.”
“Of course, I shoulda high-tailed it back home to Sasquatch Hollar. But I really wanted that drink at ‘The Lynchin’ Tree’ a’fer I wint home. Plus, I had an appointment to meet with my H dealer, Old Wild Bill from Thomasville. We wuz gonna transact sum biznez then have us a friendly game of pool. So I decided to take me one of them thar calculated risks and head on over to the ‘Tree’.”
“Now, back to where I wuz. I wuz sittin at the bar when this hot little thang with the “fuck me silly” eyes and the “bend me over right here” mini skert sat down beside me. I knew she wuz trouble when I noticed the knife scar on her right cheek. Nonetheless, when my old hawg laig smells him sum good old pussy, he takes over as captain of the ship.”
“Well, to cut to the chase, about 10 minutes later I had this black-haired beauty bent over the toilet in the men’s room as I plowed her from behind. Then I thought, ‘fuck it, I ain’t a never gonna see this bitch again.’ Then I pulled out and planted my cock right up her colon. She gasped and lunged to one side. This caused her to get out of balance. The next thang I knew, I heard a great big old “THUNK!!!” “SPLASH!!!” Turns out she went head first right into the toilet!”
“Being the gentleman I is, I slowed down my pumpin jest a bit and asked ‘Is you ok, bitch?’ There wuz no answer. ‘Uh oh!’ I thought. I squinted my eyes and looked at the toilet. It wuz undoubtedly covered in a shiny red liquid. ‘Oh shit’, I thought. The first thang to shoot inta my mind wuz that I better bring this little romantic liaison to a conclusion. So I started a’pumpin’ and a’thumpin that ass double time, before that thar rigor mortis sets in.”
“Then ‘BOOM!’.... I deposited my seed. As I composed myself, I looked down at her head in the toilet bowel. It is a shame this poor girl had to go this way. I started to feel a twinge of regret now fer not flushin’ the toilet after I took that dump. It is a god-awful mess in thar! But little did I know in that brief moment that things were abouts to get much worse!”
“Alla sudden the door busts open. And when I say busts open, I mean it shattered inta pieces!! 2 big assed, swarthy Arab lookin gorillas barged in, punched me right in my face, then dragged me out in the bar room. I am stunned. We are jest a standing there, one gorilla on each side of me, when I notice sumthin strange: the whole bar wuz now empty. ‘WTF?!?!’, I thought. Jest 10 minutes early this place wuz jumpin. Now it’s completely empty!”
“I heard the squeaky front door open and looked in that direction. In walks this slick dressed Persian guy, wearing him a black silk shirt, white slacks, greased-back hair, and about 75 lbs of gold chains around his neck. He walks right up to me and asks me if I know who he is. I decided to guess. ‘Is you da 7-11 owner?’ The swarthy guy shook his head. I decided to guess again. ‘Saddam Hussein?’ The guy smiled.”
“Then the magic carpet dealer spoke. He said ‘You killed one of my best girls tonight, Moo-Shoo Pie. You owe me.’ I asked ‘Who?’ He replied ‘The girl in the whore house.’ I sed, ‘Sheeyit, man, that lil old bitch died of natural causes.’ The pecker head smiled and sed, “It is not natural to die with a dildo lodged so far up one’s anus that it cannot be extracted.’”
“So then I starts to get a little ornery. ‘Look, ya greasy f#ggot, what it is exactly that you want? Stop a waistin my FUCKING TIME and get to the point!’, I sed. The cocaine I snorted earlier wuz starting to kick in real good about now.”
“The smug Persian prick continued, ‘You owe me for the girl. She was my property. I stated my price. Pay me now or die.’ I looked at him, squinted my eyes, and sed, ‘You did not state me no price, you lyin, Lilly-livered, chunk of dog sheet!’”
“Now the Persian twat was lookin irritated. He sed, ‘Irma gave you the price.’ I shrugged. ‘Irma, I sent her ahead in an attempt to resolve this nasty matter before I arrived’, he sed. Then one of those big gorillas around me cleared his throat and sed ‘Uh, Sir, Irma is in the restroom back there.’ I sed ‘Oh, that wuz Irma? Oh yeah! I knows her. I fucked her to death!’”
“Well, Sir, that Persian punk inspected Irma’s body in the can, head all bloody and covered in poop in the toilet. Then he flew into a rage! He pulled out 2 scimitars from his pants! How he carried them in his pants without choppin off his ding-dong, I’ll never figure out. Then he started yellin all sorts of Iranian jibber-jabber. I think he meant to kill me.”
“The Persian’s freak out unnerved the two gorillas at my sides, so they let me go and backed away. The Persian is twirling his blades and yelling, like sum deranged Benihana f#ggot. Then he stopped and stared at me. Rage boiled in his eyes. He slowly raised the sword he held in his right hand and pointed at me with it. His voice quivering, he whispered, ‘Now you die.’”
“Now, I hated to ruin this swarthy little fucker’s wet dream, but I wuz not a gonna let sum fucker slice and dice me. I drew both my pistols at one time. I first pointed them out to my sides and at the gorillas. Double taps in both of their heads... ‘BAM BAM!’ They both fell like stones.”
“Ya see, Old Uncle Roy may be crazy, but he ain’t stupid. I always pack heat in case I need to get out of a sticky situation. Tonight I wuz packing me a couple of Model 30 Glocks (.45 ACP). Those two swarthy gorillas did not even pat me down. What fucking idiots!”
“I then pointed both my pistols at the Persian Prick. His eyes grew wide and wild. I sed ‘Say hello to Allah, you Iranian prick’, then opened fire.”
By this time I had been in town fer jest a few hours, but there wuz now a total of 5 bodies floatin’ around in my wake. I thought to myself, ‘shit-far! I needs to git!’ And git is jest what I did! I hauled ass back to Sasquatch Hollar.”
“Well, about lunch time the next day, the sheriff came up to see me. I wuz tannin a Bigfoot hide when I herd footsteps coming up the trail. ‘Goddamn revenewers’, I thought. I reached over fer my shootin iron leaned up agin the woodpile, An FN Ballista chambered in .338 Lapua. Then I heard a familiar voice call out: ‘ROY!! IT’S SHERIFF STEEL. DON’T SHOOT!’ I raised my rifle.”
“Well then, old Sheriff stepped out of the woods. I lowered my shootin iron and motioned him to approach. Old sheriff is one of the few folks knows how ta finds me. Ya see, we have us a little sideline deal where he lets my bootleggers run free in the county in return fo a cash kickback to him. Now, I could jest send him on a vacation to Belize. But ya never know who ya gonna gits next. So’s I jest deals with the old feller and let him think he’s in charge.”
“Sheriff walked up ta me and sed ‘Howdy, Roy’. I responded, ‘Go git fucked, ya pig.’ Sheriff hated when I talked like this. He continued, ‘Now Roy, don’t be like that. We got a real problem here. You killed FIVE people last night’. I sed, ‘shit-fire, Sheriff, you can’t prove that.’ Sheriff shook his old head and sed, ‘Roy, the state police came down this morning. They got your DNA from those two girls, and they dug bullets out of those 3 other bodies. It’s just a matter of time before they all get linked back to you.’ I asked Sheriff, ‘What’s this here “DNA” bullshit? Is that thar sum kind of leftist agenda that Hillary Clinton is behind? That nasty bitch!’”
“Old Sheriff was cucked cause he could be implicated in my shine venture.... and my meth venture.... and my endangered specie animal parts trafficking venture. Sheriff wuz a real pussy, and a potential witness. I started to reach fer my pistol tucked away in my jacket when Sheriff told me we could cut a deal with the head Statie.”
“‘What the fuck you talkin bout, Sheriff’, I asked. That crazy old coot said that the head of the state police wuz wanting to get in the shine business. Sheriff had gave him sum of Old Roy’s shine recently and it seems he had a fit over it. In fact, he wuz interested in getting a hold of sum of my shine and distributing it out toward the coast. Sheriff seems to think that if’n I offered him a taste of the action then he may overlook all that nasty business that went down last night.”
“I sighed. Then I sed to Sheriff, ‘Shit fire. I reckon you better set up a meetin.’ Sheriff nodded. He called that Statie sumbitch. Of course, I don’t git none of them pussy cell signals up’n here, so Sheriff had to hump it down the hill. Then shit started bothering me. Sheriff never came back. I started to gits paranoid. That sumbitch useless Sheriff might leads them Staties right up to my cabin. So I decided to get all my weapons ready and prepare fer a fire fight!”
“Bout 8:00 pm that night I heard a knocking on my cabin door. I looked on my CCTV monitor showing my front door. It wuz Sheriff And sum dipshit looking guy. ‘Well shit, I guess I better see what this wuz about”, I thought to myself.”
“Now obviously I gots my cabin booby trapped. I flipped my remote trigger and gassed both of them at my front door. It didn’t harm ‘em any. It jest knocks them out fer a few minutes. I installed the system myself! This allowed me to drag ‘em both inta the cabin and tie ‘em up. I left both of ‘em tied up on the floor then wint out and scanned for interlopers. It wuz quiet. Real quiet.”
“When them two sumbitches regained consciousness we had us a little talk. Sheriff said ‘Goddamnit, Roy! Why’d ya go and do a fool thing like that? My head is killing me!’ I told Sheriff to shut the fuck up. Now that Statie wuz pissed. He started making threats and all sorts of bad noise about how he wuz gonna burn me. He wuz clearly one of them thar alpha males, all purty and assertive.”
“Well, Sir, I don’t like them thar alpha males much. So I took my M-14, which I happened to have handy, and violently struck that sumbitch Statie right in his fucking face with the butt of my gun stock. Boy howdy! That city boy started squallin like a stuck hog! Blood wuz jest a pourin outa his nose! Heh heh heh!! I told him to shut the fuck up or I wuz gonna hit him again. Then he finally settled down enough fer me ta talk to him.”
“I looked eye to eye with that Statie sum bitch and sed, ‘Look, cunt, you and I is gonna have ta come to an understanding. Now I may be a willin to let you in on my shine biznezz if’n you cover up sum thangs that may have happened last night down in town. Hell, you can do that real easy like. You fellers do that all the time anyway, don’t ya? Jest pick you out a black feller and blame him fer the misdeeds. If’n you do that fer me, then I let you distribute my shine outside the county fer 10% of the revenue. You got that, pig?’”
“Now, clearly the pig did not git it. I could tell by the way he wuz lookin at me that he wuz not gettin it at all. I sed, ‘Well, boy, you jest fucked yoself.’ Then ‘BOOM!!!’ The report from the muzzle of my trusty old M-14 were a’deafening. Then I looked over at Sheriff. He wuz jest a shaken’. I called him a ‘shithead’, then ‘BOOM!!!’. Goddamn!! My ears were jest a’ rangin!”
“Then came another knock on my door. ‘Shit fire!’, I sed. They dun fucked me. I checked the CCTV feed of my front door. It wuz just one feller this time. He wuz dressed in a black suit and he wuz wearin black sun glasses. ‘Oh fuck’, I thunk, ‘It am a Men in Black!’ So I grabbed my AR-10 layin up agin the farplace, snapped back the chargin handle, and pointed it at the cabin door. I yelled at the door, ‘Prepare to die, cocksucker!!’”
“But before I could unleash a fury of .308 firepower this sumbitch comes a’ crashin through the winder. Goddamn it! I fergot to shutter them sumbitchin winders!!”
“That thar Men in Black muthafucka wuz up in an instant. He had a Sig P226 trained on my head. He told me to drop my gun. I sed to him ‘Fuck you’. Ya see, obviously if the Men in Black wuz in on this matter then I had sumthang they wanted. I wuz in the driver’s Seat in this here situation!”
“ ‘BANG!!!!’ That sumbitch shot me in the thigh! ‘You dirty sumbitch! When I gits my hands on you I gonna rip ya limb for limb’, I Says. Then BOOM! I hit the floor. The pain in my laig wuz searing!”
“Well, Sir, that there sumbitch walks over and stands over me. He asked, ‘Do you know who I am?’ I says ‘Yeah, you am the sumbitch that jest shot me in ma leg, ASSHOLE!!’ He smirked. Then he sed ‘No, Sir. My name is James Carville, and I work for a man who wants to procure some of your corn liquor.’”
“Now, up close this is one scary looking pecker. And he spoke with a southern twang, he did. But it twernt no dialect from the hill country. No sir! This scrawny little prick sounded Cajun or sumthin. Now I don’t like me no Cajun. Uhhhh uh! No sir! Thems sum chicken fuckin’ sumbitches down thar!”
“I queried the skanky lookin stranger, ‘Who be yo boss, stick man?’, I asked. He answered my question with one of his own, ‘Who is the President Of The United States?’ I answered, ‘As far as is I be concerned, there be no president like Mr. Ronald Reagan, the greatest American to set foot in Washington DC in a might long time!’ He sed ‘No, I mean who is the president TODAY, in 1997?’ I sed, ‘Well I reckon that be that lyin’ bitch-cunt, Hillary Clinton.’”
“Well my last comment caused the stranger’s face to contort a bit, like he did not know what to say. Then the feller busted out laughing his fool hed off! He wuz a slapping his knee and repeating “bitch-cunt”, which seemed to rile him up and make him laugh that much harder.”
“Finally the stranger settled his ass down. He told me he had not laughed that hard in a long time. Then he spoke calmly and sed ‘Look, Roy, my boss is called Bubba. He’s just a good old boy from Arkansas. But when we was in North Carolina campaigning he somehow got his hands on a jar of your shine. He was told that this particular jar contained a special brew that was called ‘Snow White’. Apparently it was called that because it contained something that would put people to sleep.’ “
“I remembered that run of liquor. I spiked it with ruffies, a/k/a the date rape drug. I also spanked it hard with watermelon and sugars so that the bitches would drank it. A couple sips and the bitch wuz out like a light! I did not particularly like it my own self. But I had a buyer from up north who bought all I could produce. He had him a strange name too.... Sumthin like “Jello Pop man”. I mean, I don’t rightly care what he wuz a doin wit it. I jest cared that his money wuz good. And it wuz always good!”
“So I said ‘So let me see if’n I gots this right. You wants me to brew you up sum my date rape liquor for old Wild Bill Clinton?’ The stranger nodded and sed ‘Yep, that’s right.’ Then I asked, ‘What’s in it a’ fore old Roy here?’ The stranger looked incredulously at me.”
“The stranger sed ‘Roy! Roy, Roy, Roy, my boy! You just killed 7 people!’ ‘ALLEGEDLY’, I added. The stranger then added, ‘We can make all that nasty business go away, but to do that you got to produce that Snow White Shine. Bubba wants 500 gallons in two days. If you deliver, then all is forgotten. But if you don’t, then you are going to hang, boy. Do you understand?’ I nodded, then protested, sayin ‘that’s $50,000.00 in revenue you is askin me to give up. Is you crazy???’ The stranger sed, ‘if you go to jail then you ain’t making shit except cheap wine in a toilet bowl.’ I pondered a moment.”
“Now usually I don’t take too well with being blackmailed. But this here wuz different. These wuz the fukin Clintons, one of the most dangerous crime families ever. Even if I twere ta git rid of this Carville asshole, those slimy Clintons would send more thugs after me. Under the circumstances I wuz fucked! I guess I had to look at that lost revenue as being the price fer my freedom.”
“I told Carville that it wuz a Deal. He nodded and shook my hand. I asked him how they wuz gonna clear me of all those homicides. He sed they would just get sum ‘dumbass negro’ and pin it all on him.’
“Now, I had to get 500 gallons of Snow White ready fer pickup in 48 hours. I had me a lot of work to do!”
“This here is how the story started off, and we are back at square one. I is out at my still sight jest a brewin up a storm! I had me a retarded boy named Tyrone wit me as my still hand. Old Tyrone ain’t gots much smarts, but he do as I say when I say it. This here job wuz so damn big I had to have the help. This wuz gonna take ever bit of that 48 hours!”
“So there we wuz, runnin shine. It wuz after midnight and we wuz already on our third run. Suddenly there was a ‘boom’ and a loud ‘clang!’ sound. I saw the rock after it bounced off my copper pot. ‘What in tarnation?’ I thought. Is somebody throwing rocks at me? I ain’t got no time fer that shit. Then ‘PING!!’.... another rock hit my still. Something wuz goin on. I knew that there wuz only one thing that would be throwing rocks at a still sight in the middle of the night: a goddamn Sasquatch!!”
“Well I let out an angry scream: ‘I AIN’T A’GOT NO TIME FER YER HIJINKS TOONITE, YA GODDAMN MONKEY-MAN! I GOTS ME SUM SERIOUS BUSINESS TO TEND TO!!’ I wuz pissed!!”
“Then I saw two glowin red eyes starin at me. They wuz about 10 yards er so inta the woodline. Well sir, that wuz it. All the stress of the manhunt and the Clinton butt-fukin, was a’gettin to me. I wuz pissed and I wuz gonna take it out on this here Sasquatch beast, right here and right NOW!”
“I immediately took off the bayonet from my trusty old M-14 and then leaned her up agin a tree. I needed sum cathartic release. So I aimed to whup this critter’s ass in hand-to-hand combat! Just fists and steel!”
“ I stormed off toward them red glowin eyes in the dark. As I walked up on that thar critter I began to realize how big it be. It wuz a good 16 feet tall, minimum! And prolly 7 feet across the chest. As the gravity of my miscalculation sunk in I sed to myself ‘You dun fucked up, Roy’. Those red blazin eyes twere a’starin down at me, cutting right to my soul!”
“Then sumthang phenomenal happened. That thar Sasquatch raised its arm and waived it over its head in a half-circle motion. Then ‘BOOM!!!!!’ We, The Sasquatch critter and I, were surrounded by a pulsating lime-green light! I looked down at what used to be ground and there were nuthin there!!! ABSOLUTELY NUTHIN!! I looked up above me and it wuz exactly the same thang! It wuz like we wuz floatin in a lime green tube!!!”
“Lookin back I now know I wuz in one of them thar portals, and that the Bigfoot activated it! I had heard talk of sech, but I didn’t believe it. But there I wuz, right in the middle of it!”
“Now that thar Bigfoot wuz a standin and gazing down at yers truly. But it wuz no longer emitting a threatening vibe. It wuz more like my host, or guide.”
“This dang sorcerer Bigfoot then stepped aside to reveal a rock table behind it. It looked like one of them thar satanic execution ritual tables. On this table we’re 3 thangs. First wuz a photo of that rat-bastard, crooked sum bitch, Bill Clinton, and that Men in Black prick, James Carville. Next wuz a hit order from the CIA directing that sum feller names “Vincent Foster” be wiped out. I’m familiar with these orders from back in my military days during and after Nam. They am HIGHLY top secret. This here particular death warrant wuz signed ‘William Jefferson Clinton, by HRC’. Shocking!! Finally, the third object on the table wuz a blue dress with an obvious jizz stain on it.”
“I could not believe it. This dagnammit Sasquatch wuz helpin me!! It knew that Bill Clinton wuz a’tryin to fuck me like one of his whores, and it wuz tryin to help old Roy out of a tough spot. Maybe I had misjudged these smelly beasts. Or maybe it had come to respect old Roy after our many scuff ups.”
“That thar big old Sasquatch motioned me to collect the items on the execution table, which I did. Then I looked up into those burning red eyes of the spectral beast and nodded my thanks. The beast then made that semi-circle motion with its arm again and BOOM! I wuz back in the woods again. But that supernatural Sasquatch wuz a’nowhere To be found. That wuz sum freaky bullshit right thar!”
“Then I heard old Tyrone shoutin fer me, ‘Mister Roy!! Mister Roy!!’ I stepped out of the woods and back into my still site. I told Tyrone it wuz ok. I also told him he could run along. Tyrone asked ‘But what about that dirty rat-bastard Bill Clinton?’ I sed, ‘Don’t you worry none about that. I gots me sum ammunition against that dirty cunt and her husband. Now fuck off.’”
“By the time old fuck-face Carville and I met 2 days later the cum dress scandal had hit the media. I had made sum phone calls and I got the rag in the right hands. I handed Carville a copy of the hit order on Vincent Foster. This wuz my insurance policy. I told that shit-head, ‘Now, that jizz-stained dress wuz to show you I wuz serious. You try to fuck me any more and I will instruct my media contact to release the hit order and all you scum-fuckers in the Clinton mafia are goin down.’ Carville demanded to know how I got these thangs. I unzipped my trousers and pulled out my big old wang and sed ‘Carville, I got you over the barrel. If’n you don’t check that insolent tone I is gonna make ya take it up the poop shoot ... in addition to suckin my big whompin stick.’”
“Well, old Carville bowed his head because he knowed that he’d been beat. Then he got down on his knees at Old Roy’s feet. Roy sed ‘open wide if’n you never seen one like this before! I dun warned you once, you ugly sumbitch, and now ya gonna be my whore!’”
“And that is how I got over on that rotten sumbitch, Bill Clinton. All them thar dead bodies got swept under the rug. The pigs found them not only a black man to blame, but he wuz also one of them thar Muslim dudes! Of course that whoring suck, Bill Clinton, stepped in and took credit for nabbing a “terrorist” so he could get positive news coverage. Then when that skank-bitch Hillary Clinton found out this Muslim sumbitch was a’bein railroaded to keep the Vincent Foster murder covered up, she immediately had old ‘Tyrone Muhammad Jones’ murdered before he even went to trial. So they still ended up fucking me by shortin’ me a still hand! Dirty motherfuckers! I ain’t never known nobody that can get fucked yet still come out on top like that. That goddamn Bill and Hillary Clinton positively made deals with the Devil.”

As you know, I have an aggressive homosexual Bigfoot stalking me, and it has followed me home. I consulted my uncle Roy, a noted Bigfoot Hunter, about the situation and he agreed to help me kill the animal. He rode home with me after Thanksgiving and is now staying in an extra bedroom in my house. As soon as we arrived at my home we started devising a plan.
Uncle Roy advised that there is nothing more dangerous than a horny Sasquatch. I recently posted an encounter story told to me by Roy in which he was sexually, and brutally, assaulted by one of these monsters. Roy swears it happened. He even showed me the resulting scars he still has. It was a very violent attack.
While we were sitting by the roaring fire in my fireplace, talking and sipping cognac, Roy told me that he knew a secret about Sasquatch. Roy started in, saying “What most folks don’t realize is that Bigfoot is a sexually frustrated critter.” I asked Roy what he meant by that. Roy continued.
“Ya see, son, that Sasquatch feller has got a teeny little pecker. That’s why they are so damn timid and act like a peepin’ Tom all the time. Now understand, they ain’t all like that. Sum them critters are really hung, like the one that up and attacked me. But most of ‘em are tiny. When it comes to wangs, they is like the chinks of the animal kingdom.”
Roy continued. “Why ya think there ain’t many these thangs around? It’s cuz even when their peckers git hard, they still can’t get it up in them bitch-squatch twats fer enough to impregnate them. Most of ‘em are no bigger than a flashlight battery.” I asked, “Like, a size D?” Roy leaned toward me, squinted his old, wild eyes, spit in the fire, and said “no, son.. AAA size batteries. Compared to most Bigfoots, we humans are like Lexington Steel.”
“My God”, I said. Taking a sip of his cognac, Roy said “Indeed.” We sat in silence for a few moments so I could take in this information. Then Roy spoke, “Son, there’s 2 kinds of male Sasquatch out there. Nine outa ten of them suffer from micro dick syndrome. They caint fuck and they get all frustrated. The other 10 percent have huge wangs. There ain’t no in-between. They is either tiny or they are huge.”
“So, how does this affect my situation?”, I asked. Roy seemed to ponder a moment, moving his glass of cognac in circles and making the liquor swirl around his glass. Then he spoke. “The tiny dicked animals give up on a’fuckin in thar adolescence. They basically live out their lives as eunuchs. The one with the big dicks sire the offspring. THEY are the only make Bigfoots that become sexually active.”
Roy continued, “Son, if that thar horny critter that is stalking you can jack-off a load on yer patio, then it is a sexually active Sasquatch. That means it has a dinosaurian cock. We’re talking 30 inches, minimum. And not to scare ya or anything, but it most likely wants to pound your colon with ever inch of it!”
I started getting a queasy feeling in my stomach. Sweet bleeding Jesus... Then Roy added “And its big around as a fucking paint can! Heh heh heh!” I looked at Roy, with shock and fear in my eyes. Old Roy took pity on me and put a hand on my shoulder. He said “Now don’t worry, boy. I is here now. I ain’t a’gonna let no Bigfoot ass-rape my nephew!”
Roy continued talking: “The weird thang here is that yer stalker be a faggot foot. Now, sum times them great old big Sasquatches get all confused and think that human men are bitches cuz they am so much smaller than they is. But this here situation is different.”
Roy said “First of all, Bud, you is a big, strapping young lad. Ain’t no critter gonna confuse you fer a bitch. Second, if’n that stalker squatch wanted to simply rape ya, it would have ripped inta yer house and jest dun it by now. But it did not. Instead, it jacked a load onto your patio. This suggests two possibilities. One, it is shy and was a spying on ya through the winder when it wuz a’yankin it’s chain. Or, two, it twere tryin ta court ya. What I mean by this is that it was signaling fer ya, the same way you signaled fer it when you jacked off at its gifting spot.”
Roy continued, “By the way, Son, I been meanin’ to ask ya, what in the hell are ya doing jacking off in the goddamn woods right smack dab in the middle of an active Bigfoot area?!?” I explained that I wanted to monitor their reaction to such a vulger communication. Roy shook his head, looking clearly displeased.
Roy said “Boy, that was about the dumbest fucking thing ya could have dun. Who jacks off on a gifting area?!? Let me ask ya something: when you got Christmas presents as a kid did you yank out yer dick and jack-off loads all over yer Christmas tree? Of course you didn’t!!! You dumb motherfucker!!!”
I did not like the way Roy was talking to me, but he was right. I said “duly noted, Roy. I fucked up. I was fucking with them. I was not intending to rile up one of the animals so that it wanted to fuck me. I was messing with them. That’s all.”
Roy continued, saying “Yeah, I get it. It’s ok, I ain’t mad wit ya. Jest keep it in yer pants from now on, boy.” I nodded.
Roy went on to say that this particular beast is most likely all fucked up in its head because, as a long-dick it is expected to fuck the bitch squatches. But it won’t because it’s a fag squatch. This most likely made it a social outcast in the clan, a real weirdo. It was probably shunned. At best it would would only barely be tolerated. But now, misinterpreting my gesture at the gifting area, it thinks it has found one of its own and has developed a squatch crush on me.
Roy advises that this creates a very dangerous situation because if the long-dick is rejected it will be angry. It will probably take all of its frustration, resentment and anger that have been building as the result of his social isolation in the clan and, upon sensing rejection, will direct all of said anger and resentment on me. Roy said the likely outcome, without intervention, will be a very messy and brutal death-rape.
Upon a moment of reflection on that last sentence my sphincter tightened such that I could probably open a bottle of beer with it. Roy looked at me and said “Boy, YOU... is in a fuck-load of trouble here! He is coming back fer ya, of that you can be certain. If you let it have its way with ya, then it’s big old whomping stick will pummel yer innards and you will die as the result of the internal trauma and bleeding. If you fight it, thereby rejecting its sexual advances, it will rip ya to pieces while raping ya. Nasty shit.... real nasty shit.”
I looked at old Roy and asked, “What are we going to do?” Roy smiled and said, don’t you worry, boy, I got us a plan. This .... this, despite what I was just told, made me feel reassured. We are going to kill that homo squatch!
Then suddenly came a loud crashing sound that shook my house. BAM!!!!!!!! Roy and I ran to the back door and saw that one of my big, old oaks had fallen in my back yard. “What in fucking hell?!?” I thought. That tree was healthy. Then BAM!!!! A second tree fell and crashed into my back yard. I was stunned. Roy said “He’s here, boy! He’s come fer yer man-pussy! We gots to act fast!!”
Old Roy looked at me and said “Quick, boy, get nekkid!!!!” I glared at him incredulously. “What are ya waitin’ fer, dumbass?!? Lose the sock and show yer cock! NOW!!!!!” Grudgingly, I did as he ordered.
Roy then grabbed my arm and said “This is it, boy. You got to trust me. I am going outside and then flank the beast while you keep him distracted by playin with yerself in front of yer sliding door window in yer kitchen.”
Roy continued, “Quick, what’s the biggest gun ya got in the house?!?!” I told him I had a couple .308 rifles. Roy’s paused a moment, his face reddening with rage. Then he took off his hillbilly hat and hit me with it while he repeatedly called me a “Faggot”. Then I told him I had a pair of DE .50 AEs on the counter in my bathroom, locked and loaded. Roy said, “Well, that’s more like it.”
Roy ran off and retrieved the two pistols. When he came back into the room he was talking about dual wielding the two jammies, then abruptly stopped. Roy said “Gooooooooooooddamn it, you sumbitch. Git busy!” I asked, “doing what?”
Roy demanded that I stand bare-ass naked, with the lights on, in front of my sliding glass door, looking out onto the patio. Further, he said I had to jack off so that I would distract the Bigfoot outside, giving Roy an opportunity to get the drop on it. Again, I hesitated. Roy hit me with his hillbilly hat again and said “If’n ya don’t do what I say, and I mean RIGHT NOW, you is gonna be ass-fucked tonight by a Sasquatch pecker!”
With a sigh, I stood there looking out onto my dark patio, with all my kitchen lights on, completely naked. My left hand rested on my hip as my right had a hand party with my cock. I heard my front door close as Roy headed out with my Deagles to ambush the horny critter. After a couple minutes I started getting into my task. “What the hell? I may as well enjoy myself”, I thought. So I closed my eyes and started fantasizing about banging that Ocasio-Cortez chick up the wazoo and then painting her white. I call blowing a pearly white load on a brown person’s face a “Grand Wizard.”
“I could not hold it any longer. I let out a loud, continuous moan as I busted a nut on my glass door. The volume was huge!! This must of been because of the whole dangerous thrill of the moment. But it was a lot. It made Peter North look like a total fag by comparison. Finally, it came to a conclusion, as did my stroking. I slowly opened my eyes, planning on inspecting my hearty load trickling down the glass door. But instead, I was shocked by what I saw.
There standing on my patio, just feet away, was Mrs. Jenkins from down the street. Apparently she saw the whole show. Her eyes were fixed on my still hard member. She then looked up and our eyes met. I winked at her, then she slowly licked her lips, looking me right in my eyes. I knew this MILFY bitch was up for a good time. I was going to have to compose myself quickly.
I reached for the door to invite Mrs. Jenkins inside. I said, “Hey there, what brings you this way?” She said, “Well, Bud, Mr. Jenkins and I heard some loud noises coming from up here and I thought I would walk up here to make sure you are ok.”
I reached out for Ms. Jenkins’ hand to guide her into my home in a gentlemanly manner. Keep in mind that my cock was still out. Of course, I had completely forgotten about Bigfoot and uncle Roy. Instead, I was locked into the hunt.
Mrs. Jenkins stepped into my house. Immediately, her right foot slid out from under her when she stepped inside and she went down. Unfortunately, she slipped on my puddle of jizz on the floor. I caught the chick before she hit the floor, then I pulled her tight to me so she could feel my rock hard member throbbing against her stomach.
I was just about to plunge my tongue down her throat when I heard Roy yell out “Die, motherfucking Sasquatch!!!” Then BAM!!! BAM!!! BAM!!!!! Three shots rang out from what was obviously my .50 AE Deagles.
Ms. Jenkins’ head exploded like a melon. My face and my whole upper half was covered in blood and brain. My ears were ringing too, and they fucking hurt from the multiple blasts at such close range. I was standing there in shock when Roy stepped out of the darkness and onto the patio. He said “Who the fuck is that?!? Whar’s that thar fucking Bigfoot?!?”
I knew it would be useless to bark profanities at Roy. So I just calmly walked to my bathroom, ran a shower, and got in so I could wash off all the blood covering me. I heard a few more blasts from outside and figured Roy was shooting the neighbor’s dog or something.
I got out of the shower and dried myself off. Then I picked out some clothes that I thought would be comfortable to wear in jail. I then walked into the kitchen to retrieve my phone to call the police with, dreading the sight of that bloody mess I left behind. But man, what a surprise I got!
My kitchen was absolutely spotless. It was like a major felony did not even take place in there moments earlier. Even my puddle of jizz was cleaned off the floor and my glass door. There was not even any streaking on the glass! Then in walked old Roy.
I said “Roy, what the fuck happened in here?!? It was a complete fucking horror scene 10 minutes ago.” Roy just grinned and said he took care of it. I asked about the body and Roy said “what body?”, then winked. I said, “Now wait a minute, that was Mrs. Jenkins from down the street. Her husband is going to be looking for her.” Roy said “Dead men tell no tales, son. You got somethang to eat around here? I’m hongry.”
Then came the sirens. I thought, “Oh fuck, here it comes... accessory to mass murder.” Roy saw that I was getting nervous and agitated. Now, what happened next really pisses me off. But at the same time, I get it. Roy had created a real nasty mess here. But instead of just running off, he decided to fix it. This shows me that he really does value our relationship.
In one quick motion, Roy took the butt end of one of the pistols I gave him and violently struck me on my head. I went down immediately, cussing Roy but unable to do much about it. I did not lose consciousness right away, so he violently struck me again. I was out like a light. The last thing I remember is feeling the blood trickling down my face.
Now, allow me to digress for a moment. In my forty-plus years I have been single most of the time. I was married once for a few years, but that ended over a decade ago. During the course of my single life I have inadvertently accumulated a wide variety of sexual toys and devices that are occasionally used with some of the more adventurous types I bring home. There’s dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, etc ... I keep them all in a cardboard box in the closet right outside my bedroom.
When I finally regained consciousness, I opened my eyes to find that I was lying on my back on the couch in my living room. I look around and see uncle Roy sitting by the still burning fire (Roy had obviously been tending to it, keeping it going, while I was out). Roy had my box of sex toys in his lap and was going through it. At one point he had the huge glowing dong out, holding it close to his face and examining it like he was a wildlife biologist who had just discovered a new species of snake.
My head was aching, but eventually my head cleared enough to ask Roy why he had knocked me out. Dong in hand, Roy turned to me at the sound of my voice and asked “Son, do you stick this here thang up yer asshole?” I said “Forget the dong for a second and tell me what happened. Why did you hit me over the head, you old bastard?”
Roy told me that he had to fix the messy situation and that I was only getting in his way. Essentially, Roy knocked me unconscious for my own good. Apparently, Roy called the police and told them that he was visiting with me and that he had heard shooting at the Jenkins’ place while I was in the shower and he went to investigate. He told the police that when he arrived on the scene he saw a couple black guys leaving in a hurry, then he found the bodies. That’s when he said he called the police.
When the police asked where I was, Roy told them I accidentally cut myself, saw a little blood, and then passed out like “a total pussy” on the couch. I pondered this for a moment, appreciating the fact that we were still both free men. Then I asked Roy, “Did the police buy your story?”
Roy said “What Story? It happened jest like I sed. I heard gun shots then saw a couple n!ggers fleeing the scene. Shit fire, that right there describes 90% of all crimes them thar cops investigate. What reason do they have to doubt it? We’re white, the victims were white, and 2 negroes was seen leaving the scene. That’s jest what them thar fellers want to hear. Now they got them some probable cause to go bust some negroes they had their eyes on. Case closed!”
Roy continued, “Now, did yer old Uncle Roy fix this shit or what?” I said, “Well, it seems that you did. Thanks, Roy. You saved my ass.” Then I had to ask “But what about the Bigfoot that was out there pushing down trees?” Old Roy turned to me with a deathly serious look on his face. I knew he had seen it.
Roy said “I seen it. It’s worse than we thought. That sumbitch is about 18 ft tall, I reckon. It had them real evil glowing red eyes. It’s also a “Long Dick Squatch”. That thar thing had a stiffy when I spotted him out back, behind yer shed back there. Its erection was a good 48 inches, and it glowed fire red, jest like the sumbitch’s eyes.”
“What happened?”, I asked. Roy said “I’m tellin ya what happened, dumbass! Now shut your asshole and listen.”
Roy continued, “I wuz fixin to put a bullet in that beast’s head when that Jenkins skank came strolling up. The Bigfoot was watching you jack off in the doorway, getting all hot and bothered. Then it saw you putting the moves on that bitch. The Sasquatch got pissed and started charging ya’ll in a jealous rage, so I started throwin lead down range.”
Roy paused. I asked “What happened to the Sasquatch, and how did Mrs. Jenkins get shot?!?” This is where Roy got dire.
Roy said “Son, them little old .50 AE rounds are faggot shit. It would not do anything but make that monster pissed. It would have killed us all: you, me, and the Jenkins whore. So I did the only humane thing I could do in that thar situation. I figured a gun shot was a preferable way to die than being ripped to shreds by that big bastard. So I shot the bitch. If’n I didn’t, that huge beast would have killed you and her. This way, the gun shot scared off the Bigfoot and that poor skank got to die humanely.”
I asked Roy why he did not just fire a shot into the air to scare off the beast so that Jenkins did not have to die. Old Roy looked at me and said, “Son, hindsight is 20/20.”
“So what now?”, I asked. Roy said “This here wuz jest Round One. We is gonna Kill that thar beast. But we is gonna need sum bigger guns. Did ya hear what I said to ya boy? That dang monster is 18 feet tall! It is fucking HUGE! And it’s got a four foot schlong aching to bang YOU!”
Roy continued, “Son, I’m sorry I had to bang you over the head like that. But it was fer ya own good. This here is sum damn serious shit, and we is balls deep into it. We gots to finish this.” I nodded. Roy can be a real prick, but there is nobody else you want to go into battle with.
Roy said “You Get ya sum rest, boy. I won’t let that thang get ya. And don’t ya worry none. While you wuz sleeping I called up a couple good old boys. They is on their way here right now, and they is bringing some big guns with them.”
“Who are these people you called?”, I asked. Roy said they are a couple “associates” of his. One is called “Skull Crusher”. He is supposedly ex-military and saw a lot of action in Iraq. The other one is called “Johnny Murder”. I asked Roy if Mr. Murder has a military background too. Roy said “Son, you don’t need to know about old Johnny’s background.”
Roy told me to rest my head and get some sleep. Skull Crusher and Mr. Murder would be here in the morning.