My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been together 11 years and married for 9 years this June. Throughout our entire relationship up until about the 9th year I regularly caught my husband actively pursuing other people on dating sites and social media. One of these women was his ex girlfriend from high school. I caught them on several occasions having private conversations. Eventually his final explanation for that was “you don’t forget the love of your life.” Those were his exact words. He still claims he intended to say “your first love” but that’s not what he said and I’ll never forget it.
I am not trying to flex but I’m an attractive woman, even through three pregnancies I maintained my figure and didn’t get any stretch or extra skin. Not that these things aren’t beautiful but it’s not like I even changed over the years. I look almost exactly the same but better. That being said, his ex girlfriend is beautiful too and looks nothing like me. She’s really tan, dark brown hair, and very athletic (muscular) with no boobs or butt. I’m only 110 lbs but I have curves where most men prefer them, I have blonde hair, I’m fair skinned and I have freckles. Don’t get me wrong, I love how I look, I really love my body and I would choose my looks over hers, but I look nothing like her and that’s what he wants. So even though I’m not insecure about how I see me, I’m extremely insecure about how he sees me.
Through years of this I never left him because I never caught him actually verbally or physically taking the dive to meet up with anyone. Just toying with the idea. It finally came to a head around the 9th year and I left him. I had every intention of staying away until I found out I was pregnant with our third child… this made it 10000x trickier.
He found out I was pregnant and begged for me to take him back. Swearing that he had never slept with anyone else and never actually wanted to, even while we were separated and since then I haven’t caught him doing anything close to what he used to. But he still constantly looks at porn and lies about it, he looks up very sexual asmr chicks (the ones who lick and kiss the microphone), gamer girls, ex girlfriends (not the “love of his life”), and other attractive women. When am I allowed to have a hurt ego? When am I allowed to accept one of the dozens of offers I get from men weekly so someone can stroke my ego? When is it ok for me to get upset that he’s putting all that sexual energy into people on the internet but barely looks at me? When am I allowed to have a man make me feel like the prize instead of the leftovers? It does hurt my feelings because he’s already proven that his mind wanders whether he’s still acting on it or not. He’s always made me feel unattractive (to him) meanwhile I’m constantly shooting down advances from other men. But if I tell him this or forbid it it’ll just make me seem controlling rather than setting boundaries and it’s not like I can force him to see me by forcing him not to look at other women. But when I tell him it kills my pride as a woman and a wife to see that he tells me I’m dumb. So I have to put up with it or leave?

So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.

I am new to the youtube shorts thing, I do enjoy scrolling though but I cannot tell you how many times I have to click "dont recommend channel" because of the background music. Specifically ANY video with the background song "Tell your girlfriend" -Lay Bankz. I cannot describe enough how annoying this song and any video with this song is. Instagram reels has a feature that will auto skip any video with a certain background song. So my question is, does Youtube Shorts have any kind of configuration like that? If so please help me to apply. Thank you.

I’ve been dating this girl for the past two months, and i like her very much, so much that I have never felt this way about anyone in such a short span of time before and she feels the same way for me too. Now, she had this male friend from her hometown, who was coming to visit her and to stay at her place for 3-4 days; she had made this plan with him back in December, before she and I had even met. Now, she had a slight history with him back in their school days, he used to like her and they had kissed once in school, but she did not want things to go any further, so she told him that they should stop and they did, but then he started to spread some rumours about her, and she found out and she confronted him and he accepted and apologised, and they became friends again, they continued their friendship for about 5 years. Now my girlfriend told me that back in November, she had flirted with him a little on and off but again stopped because she realised what she was doing was not right as she was in a relationship back then(although it was on the verge of ending, but still obviously it was massively wrong on her part to even lightly flirt with another guy while being in a relationship,anyway that’s another thing). We had this big argument because obviously i was not comfortable with him coming and staying over after getting to know about this history, but ultimately we talked about it and made peace with it because it was a plan made long back and I did not want to be too rigid myself. So he came, and he started behaving weirdly towards her, even though he knew about me, he was trying to flirt with her, was changing his clothes in front of her even though she told him to go and change inside multiple times, he still did not. He constantly was saying flirtatious things to her and so on. She told me all of this that very night on the phone, And i got super mad and angry, i wanted to physically hurt him, but she calmed me down by saying that she would talk to him in the morning and would tell him to go back to where he came from and in the meantime she would come to stay with me at my place. And that is exactly what happened, she did the same and he agreed to go back quietly . I was still mad and i wanted to beat him up but she calmed me down at my place. He went back after a day and a half to his hometown. Now, it has been 4-5 days since he went back and my girlfriend told me yesterday that he also grabbed her hand while they were strolling around a street, she instantly pulled her hand back and said to him expressively “ what are you doing?” He smirked and moved on, she got very very uncomfortable and She was very quiet around him the whole time even after they went back to her place;she got so uncomfortable she did not even go in the same room as him; she stayed in her living space and was talking to me on text the whole time and again he was doing these weird things like trying to peek inside her phone to see what she was doing and so on. Now, after hearing all of this I’ve gotten this wave of anger inside of me, all i can think of me is going to his city with a bunch of my people and slapping the shit out of him, because i feel like she got physically uncomfortable and i have to do something about it. And that guy needs to realise what he did. Because he has no realisation, he did not even apologise to her after everything she told him and my girlfriend’s flatmate told her that he was roaming around with an attitude for the one day he was there at her flat alone. Now what should i do in this situation? I’m in a conflict, she simply does not want me to do anything, she says he’s out of her life forever, she’s gonna block him from everywhere, he’s out, she says that’s enough, nothing else needs to be done, but I’ve gotten all restless and mad, this thought of beating him up is not leaving my head, how could he make her feel Uncomfortable and get away like that without even realising what he did and without even apologising to her, after coming to stay at her place, how can he make her feel uncomfortable and walk away? I’m constantly having all of these thoughts in my head, i feel like it’s my intrinsic duty to protect her, but obviously there are possible consequences of beating him up, what should i do, because this is seriously messing with my brain, I’m an overthinker and this is messing with my brain, please share your advice.

I need advice
I (24F) have been in a relationship with my (25M) since I was 16. I apologize for how all over the place this is. I just need help.
We’ve grown up together. I love this man with all my heart. I feel as if he’s my person, but he doesn’t feel the same. He tells me he loves me, but his actions haven’t always said the same.
To set the stage, it was like any other high school relationship. You believe you’re gonna end up married and pregnant a year after you graduate. It’s not the case. Honestly the red flag should have been when he laughed in my face when I told him I loved him for the first time. We were 3 months into dating and spending every day together. We got a place together on my 20th birthday. Everything was perfect in my eyes. We were own our own, sex life was up, and it was all ours. No rules or parents. It wasn’t until 8ish months later I discovered he was sexting my friend. I did the worse thing possible and cheated too. Everything went to shit. He moved out, we fought, all that. Well, we ended up back together after a few months apart. He moved back in and everything was fine. Here I am 2 years later after all this happened and I’m doubting if coming back was a good decision. My whole family hates him. My friends hate him. Every single person I know that has met him, hates him. He doesn’t put in the effort to be around the people important to me. He never attends a single family event of mine. Absolutely nothing. Not even my birthday party. We no longer live in the house that’s in my name. Everything is his. We had a conversation a couple weeks ago about how we have to live our lives for us and I broke down crying because it sounded like he didn’t want me in his. He told me I was overreacting and he’d buy a ring in two years time. He refuses to get married. He refuses to have kids before he’s in his 30s. I try to make him see my point but he fails to see why it bothers me so much. I’ve always wanted a happy family. We both make decent money. There’s no reason why we couldn’t support a child. I’m afraid his fear of commitment is because he’s still sleeping with someone behind my back, but I have no proof. It’s eating me alive. I can’t get his phone to check messages or when I do there’s only two conversations left. It makes me feel like he’s deleting the truth so I don’t see. I attend everything of his family’s. I treat his sister like my own. I feel trapped down. Everything is his and I will have nothing but my car and clothes. My mom said I can move in with her, but after being on your own, how do you go back to that? Am I overreacting? I’m not asking to get married tomorrow, but we’ve been together so long that boyfriend and girlfriend sounds fucking stupid to my ears. I wanted a future with him, but what happens if we do have a kid? Will he allow the kid to see my family or is he going to fight me? What do I do?
It’s not like we’re fighting either. I just want more. I feel guilty for wanting more. We still get alone. We’re still loving towards each other. He has no idea what’s going through my head since that conversation. I’m lost.

I'm hoping on some level this will allow me to clear my mind enough to finish my finals and allow me to move on from past regrets. This is a throwaway account as I really don't want this following me more than it has.
I was 19, I'm 20 now, at a small college in America with a mainly athlete population. I'm far from an athlete but I go to the gym a lot. Being such a small school, there's really only one place to party and that place really sucks. I went there most weekends out of some sense of obligation I can't quite place my finger on.
I was talking with this girl and I had thought everything was going well, though to be fair I was pretty cross faded (high and drunk) at this point. We were just talking and getting to know each other but her friends would occasionally pull her away, I didn't think much of this and didn't make any attempt to follow or reengage until she came back to speak with me. This happened several times throughout the course of the night, we were dancing and having fun between these points. She had mentioned that she was sobering up and wanted more to drink so I offered her some beers I had back in my dorm. She agreed and as the party began to change location I made the decision to tell her to stay with her friends so she doesn't get lost and I'll just bring the beers to her.
We meet up at the new location later that night and we sit on the couch and chat some more before going back to my room. This part here, is one of those things that made me reconsider drinking as a whole. I've done it maybe once or twice since because of this experience. She had mentioned that she had a boyfriend and I didn't process what that meant at all. We get back to my dorm and we're hanging out and drinking more just talking, she spills the drink on her face and in my deeply drunk and dumb brain I have one thought...
Protect the carpet
So I quickly grab a paper tower and start wiping off her face and making sure none of it gets on the rug. Then we started talking about the ring her boyfriend got her, at this point in the night I remembered what a boyfriend was so I had stopped all light flirting and was just enjoying getting to know her, but I was playing with her fidget ring. I then realized that I had had my hand in her lap that whole time, I remember recoiling a little bit and asking if she was comfortable. She said no so I immediately moved my chair a bit further away from her and told her that I wouldn't be offended or anything if she left but I'd enjoy just sitting around and talking more. For context, even before this moment I was always careful to never be between her and the door because it's important for me that guests never feel trapped or anything like that.
We talk for 20 more minutes and then say goodnight and part ways.
I wake up in the morning with a feeling of deep regret, knowing that it was kinda weird. I send her a snap apologizing and mentioning that she left some stuff in my room and asking when she can pick it up. I was left on delivered. The whole situation was mentioned to a friend of mine who chalked it up to me being a bit awkward and also drunk. What bothered me mainly was that I had made someone feel uncomfortable, the thought really upset me and I wished desperately there was a way to make it up to her but I figured giving her as much space as possible was the best solution. Additionally, people were saying I was sober and she was drunk. As far as I could tell we were similar levels of drunk, I'm on meds I really shouldn't drink on and she had a lower body weight than me. It was later explained to me that close friends would be more likely than strangers to tell if someone is drunk or not and unfortunately that goes both ways. She was either drunker than I thought because I didn't know her or they thought I was sober because they didn't know me. Either way, neither of us were stumbling or slurring our words at all.
Flash forward to April and I'm talking about it with a friend of mine, she was the one who really said it all back to me in a way that made me realize how awful that looks. I'm not proud of this but I just started shaking, in near tears, at the thought that I made someone feel as though they were in danger. I more or less shut down for a week. It was around this time that I figured out that people around campus felt as though I was being a creep. I'm sure it goes beyond that isolated incident, it almost has to but I've never purposely done anything to harm anyone. Whenever someone wants a conversation to end I drop it, if I sense someone is uncomfortable I drop it, I don't touch people who don't want to be touched and typically go to great lengths to avoid accidentally touching people.
I ended up going to one more party at the end of the semester where some guy called me a creep while I was checking in on my friend. Honestly I'm emotionally done at this point, I wanna transfer and I don't wanna be here anymore. This schools culture is bizarre to me because I witnessed an athlete get outed as a pedophile and a nazi, the team covered it up for him. But I make a couple mistakes and instead of reaching out to me to figure out what's wrong people just assume I'm a creep? Which honestly I get, if you think someone's creepy you're not gonna sit there and ask them why, you're just not gonna interact.
I've gone on a spree of asking a lot of the trusted women in my life about what happened, explaining in detail the full story as I've laid it out here. The reactions are mixed, one person said it looks terrible but they know I'm not a bad person and didn't have bad intents. Another said that it was just people deflecting from their own poor behavior (that's a total cop out on their end and I don't agree), more ended up saying that's a pretty common mistake for guys to make and it's just a lesson you have to learn.
To be clear, I have nothing but sympathy for that girl. I do not agree with her presumed perspective on the event but I have nothing but empathy for how it seems like she must've felt. I never want to bring out those feelings in anyone, everyone deserves to feel safe and never feel like they've been taken advantage of. It's even in thinking hard about this that I realized someone had done to me what I was being accused of trying to do, get someone drunker than they should be to have sex with them.
I just want to be able to move forward, to fully forgive myself for what happened and allow this to be a lesson moving forward on social cues and the like. I think I partially just wanted to get this off my chest but mostly I want to know how other people feel about it. If there's details you think are missing I can add those if they exist.
This whole process has also began me looking into an autism diagnosis, the fact that I could not even conceive of the depths of the issue until it was laid out for me and then I proceeded to shake for 8 hours straight thinking I was gonna die is not a sustainable habit and I need to find skills to navigate the world and the people in it with more tact.

So this is a long one. Like, I'm going back over it and damn. This is longer than I thought it would be. Throwaway account, I've only made one other post to this relating to what's going on. Instead of updating the other post, I figured I'd make a separate one about the whole shit show I experienced, and the shit circus I uncovered and avoided. I'll try to keep this in as chronological an order as I can.
As the title says, my abusive/narc mom and pos/delusional/golden child brother started trying to reach out to me a few months ago wanting to make amends and build bridges with me again. There were a few people that commented on my previous post in another subreddit that may be a little disappointed in me for how I handled this, and a few that might enjoy that I handled it the way I did. Someone commented to not let them use my good nature. My nature is dependent on who I'm dealing with, and when it comes to that side of my family, I'm more stick than carrot. So their attempts did not go ignored, and did not go unpunished.
Growing up, I was always closer with my Dad than my mom. My brother was the epitome of "pampered mamma's boy". He started having seizures as a child and was diagnosed with epilepsy, which I thought was why my mom babied the absolute fuck out of him long into adulthood. He would go a year or 2 without any seizures, and then there would be a few months where he'd be having them every other day. At Anytime he got in trouble at home or school, my mom would find a way to blame me, for not making sure he knew whatever he was doing would get him in trouble, or she would blame my dad for not being "involved enough in their baby's life." My dad was in the Navy and I remember any time he'd deploy, I'd dread every day until he came back. My brother would taunt me that he knew whatever he did, I'd be the one to get in trouble for it. My dad would always make things up for me when he got back from his deployments though. We'd often have weekend trips just the 2 of us. And then around my 12th birthday, my mom insisted on sitting us all down and explain to that she and my dad were getting a divorce. We got the whole talk about how they still love us and they just can't be together anymore, etc. my dad told us both that he still loved us and he would be there for us whenever we needed him. He explained that he would be moving out, but he would be by to pick us up to spend the weekends with us. I was nervous and honestly scared of what it would be like without him. But I was looking forward to the weekend when I got to see him again. That never happened though, and that was the last time I ever got to see him.
Right before his weekend with us, my mom explained to us that my dad didn't want anything to do with us anymore. There was some news story about a father that killed his kids when he had custody of them and she used that to terrify my brother and convince him that our dad wanted to kill us to start his life over. We left damn near everything behind and moved in with my mom's brother in Florida (from Virginia) a couple days before my dad was supposed to come get us. After that, she went to great lengths to make sure we had no contact from him.
Years went on, my mom seemed more indifferent towards me than ever. She never seemed interested in anything I did unless my brother also seemed interested in it. She didn't show any interest in my wanting to learn guitar until my brother also showed interest in it. Then we got one guitar that we had to share, I'd take lessons on the condition that I taught my brother whatever I learned in them. My brother eventually wound up breaking the guitar and I was blamed for not storing it in the case it came with. I had to share my N64 with him whenever he wanted to play it. I was playing perfect dark one day and having a hard time killing the skedar leader at the end of the game. My brother burst into the room saying he wanted to play his MegaMan game, to which I just replied "give me a minute, this boss fight is hard, once I'm done you can have your turn" He didn't like that. He left the room and came back with a hammer and smashed the console while I was still playing. My fault for not letting him play it. The only thing I had that he could not use was a pair of roller blades my aunt got me for my 14th birthday. I specifically asked for roller blades to get around instead of a bike because my brother and I had different shoe sizes, so he couldn't wear them Because of constant shit like that, I never really put much value in having things growing up. I didnt want to buy something or get something as a gift just to have it fucked up in a few weeks or months. At some point, my "little" brother became the larger one, so my clothes all became "hand-me-ups" as he outgrew everything. So, because I didn't really have any distractions at home, I turned into a high achieving student, rarely got in trouble. made the honor roll all throughout school. But that wasn't something to celebrate as it was expected of me. I had long since decided that I was moving out as soon as I could once I turn 18. I got a job working at a Walgreens as soon as I could and started saving up for a car. My mom however took issue with this and would never agree to take me looking for one and absolutely refused to ever have it put on her insurance. This is where my Aunt comes in. She and her son are the only 2 on my mom's side that aren't some sort of degenerate. She had her son young, but put herself through college while raising him alone and eventually got her MBA and a cushy upper corporate job. She told me to tell my mom I had to go in to work on one of my days off, that she would pick me up and she would take me car shopping. So that's what we did. I couldn't quite afford a cash car, but she helped me with the financing. I put down what I had as the down payment, the arrangement she made with me was that 1- as long as I was in school, she would cover the insurance and payments for me, however, if I got into an accident, I was responsible for paying the deductable. And 2- as long as i was living with my mom, the car remained in her (Aunt's) name. And if anything happened to it, to let her know so she could get the appropriate authorities involved. My mom was PISSED when she found out I now had a car. Her reasoning (that she said in front of my aunt) was that she didn't think it was fair for one of us-either me or my brother- to have something the other couldn't use. Due to him being 13 and having epilepsy, he couldn't drive, so why should i have a car if my brother doesn't? That turned into a long shouting match between my mom and Aunt that basically ended with my aunt explaining that since it was her car, and all paperwork on her name, I was just on the insurance for it so I could drive it. But if anything at all happened to it while I was living at my Mom's, that the police and insurance companies would get involved. My mom still kept track of all the miles on the car to "make sure I was only going to work and school and wherever she told me I could go". Most of the time, when I hung out with friends, I wasn't the one driving. From that that point though, my mindset was very much "keep my head down and nose clean until I can leave." I graduated a month before my 18th birthday. After graduation, my mom and i got into an argument about me contributing to her bills. I eventually dropped the ball that I planned on getting back in touch with my Dad and leaving. She started laughing. Something about that laugh made me really uncomfortable. She then said "well, you can certainly meet up with him whenever you want! I'll supply the gun if you buy the bullet!" And told me my dad had died when I was 15. That. Fucking. Broke. Me. Later that night, i called my best friend and vented everything to him. He was in the DEP program for the Navy and would be shipping out in a few months, he told me to come by first thing in the morning and talk with him and his parents about the whole situation. I basically packed up all of my clothes and left the day after my 18th birthday. I just left my house key and a note that said "I'm not your problem anymore." I couch surfed for a little while until after my best friend left for boot camp, then I was able to move in and live with his parents (chosen parents basically). My only real rules were keep the house and my space clean and make sure I had a job and/or going to school. I spent a few months mourning my dad and kind of in a haze. Since he was in the Navy though, that meant I was reliable for financial aid for school. My second dad helped me get everything put together to start receiving that so I could start college.
Well, after a couple years of this, my brother, who had spent his time at school more as "forced socializing" instead of learning, was expelled from public schools for allegedly setting off a fire extinguisher in a classroom. He had to enroll at an alternative school called "the drop back-in academy" that was specifically for dropouts or anyone that got the boot from the public school system. My mom reached out to me and asked me if I would drive him to this school in the mornings, she'd pick him up in the afternoons, and she'd pay me $20 a week.I agreed to it thinking this was out of character for her, but she surprisingly held up to that agreement. I drove him for a couple years until I was ready to start my bachelor program. My second parents were getting ready to move back to their hometown and I was going to start school on the other side of the city. So, I was moving to that side of town and couldn't really drive out of my way to pick up and drop off my brother anymore. He continued his enrollment at this place for another 3 years (5 years total) and it turned out, he was never attending. I would drop his ass off there every day and he'd just walk home immediately after I pulled out of the parking lot. He'd just tell my mom that he finished his work early and decided to walk home instead of wait around for her. One afternoon, I'm coming home early from work and my brother is just sitting on the steps to my studio apartment. He tells me that he and our mom got into a really big argument and he needs a place to stay. I (reluctantly) let him in. I'm stuck thinking he must be really desperate if he's coming to me for help. But I start thinking at this point, he's 24, jobless, and probably needs to learn some self discipline and responsibility, and our mom just never did that for him. So I try to help. I ask him what their fight was about and he tells me that he started dating this girl at his alternative school. She was 21 and got the boot from the school system for being too old to attend (we actually have several relatives that were kicked out of the school system for the same reason) and that he accidentally got her pregnant and our mom did not take kindly to that. I called my landlord and explained the situation to him. He was okay with it, so I let him crash on my couch for a little bit (until the end of my lease, then I'd be moving) and just told him to clean up after himself, take care of himself, etc until we could all work this out. He crashed there for a few months and did Jack shit. He would complain that I didn't have a computer for him to use (I only had a laptop I bought for school) and I didn't have any video game consoles for him to entertain himself with. So he was stuck there bored all day. I got tired of the complaining and lack of effort and told him he had to go back to our mom's if he wasn't going to be an adult. We started shouting at each other until he dropped this little bombshell. He yelled "I can't go back to Mom's!" And when I asked why, he just blurted out "because it's to close to that elementary school!" That stopped the whole thing. "And why is that a big deal now?" I asked him. I already knew why that would be the problem, but 1% of me was holding onto the hope that he was got jumped by a gang of 5th graders and the trauma was too much for him to bear. I told him he could either tell me what's going on, or I could make a phone call and get every last detail I needed. He confessed that he had been leaving that school and going over to his "girlfriend's" house and waiting for her to get home. And that one day, her mom ended up catching them in the act. I explained to him that he was leaving out important details if that was the reason he couldn't be near a school.
He told me she was 14, not 21. I. Lost. My. Shit. Everything after that is kinda fuzzy, but he was arrested, mom posted bail, and since she lived right around the corner from an elementary school, he couldn't stay there. So they told his parole officer that he'd be staying at my address until his court date.. his PO had swung by a couple times, but I was always either at work or school or out somewhere. At this point, I told him the lease was up in 6 weeks, I couldn't stand to be around him. I packed my stuff early, moved out into a storage unit, and I stayed at an extended stay hotel until it was time for me to move. Called my landlord and told him what was going on, and if my brother was still there the last week of the lease, nail him for trespassing. My landlord was a good guy. I never had any problems with him. I paid up the last 6 weeks and threw him since extra cash for his troubles as I knew I wouldn't be getting my deposit back. That was the last time I saw my brother. After I moved out of state, I cut all contact with everyone in that family except my Aunt who was the only one that ever helped me out or even had my back. But even then, it was just through email. We'd mainly email birthday and holiday wishes to each other. Updates from my side on how life and career are going.
I never had a myspace or a Facebook growing up. I either never had a computer to check it on, or I was just so accustomed to not having any online distractions that I just never got around to making one. I did finally make a Facebook and I did get in touch with my dad's side of the family and reconnected with them. I hadn't seem most of them since I was 4 or 5. Some of them had been in contact with my brother (he fucking knew our dad died) and was spinning some sort of web about how he graduated high school early, had gone to college for pre-med and then got some sort of full ride scholarship to some prestigious medical school in Florida. He told them I wasn't on social media because I had been arrested for selling drugs and that he was taking me in after I got released. He was also using my senior portrait as a profile pic. They were surprised when they saw me and how I "looked just like my brother!" I had set the record straight. They looked dumbfounded when I told them that he couldn't get himself out of the 9th grade in 10 years, and now would likely never complete his high school journey due to the fact he can't be within 100 yards of a school.
So, fast forward to last week. I checked my email for the first time since late January (for my aunt's birthday) and noticed a few from her saying my mom wanted to reach out, then several emails from a new address. It was my mom's first initial and last name. Subject lines usually read "please respond" and "let me know you're okay" and stuff like that. I'd copy some of them over, but holy shit this is already a novella. Basically she got my email address from sneaking my aunt's phone (aunt did not sell me out). She's trying to apologize for how she treated me growing up and trying to excuse it by saying I reminded her of my dad and then she was going through menopause and just any excuse to dishes full accountability it seems. She acknowledges that it was wrong to hold me accountable for my brother's fuck-ups but dismisses that by saying he didn't know any better and she needed me to be a good role model for him. Things have been hard for her since I left, since she "had" to take my brother back in (I would've left him on the street or in jail), she had to sell her house (she was only 10 years into her mortgage) and buy another smaller one further from a school for him. He never did get a hs diploma or GED because how can he? And she's been going through breast cancer treatment for the last several months and just doesn't have the energy to take care of her 33yo baby anymore. She asked me if I lived close enough to them to take him in for a little bit while she focuses on her health. I left Florida 8 years ago and haven't even lived in the same time zone in 6 years. She can only check her email at work since she no longer has Internet at home. She had to cancel her home Internet service because of him. So, I decided to just put my brother's name into a search bar and the first thing that pops up is a FDLE sex offender's page. And holy shit has he gone downhill. He had a second arrest when he was 27 for the same thing, and then was caught in communications with another girl (like Chris Hansen sting) and was released from prison at the beginning of the year. And the mugshot.... You know the pale lady from the scary stories to tell in the dark movie? Think that, but with a patchy beard. Beady eyes, bad skin and all. According to the sheriff's office inmate search, he's been arrested 5 times in the last 10 years. Twice for lewd and lascivious battery of a minor (aged 12-15), once for solicitation of a minor, and twice for probation violations.
The TL/DR: abusive mom took all her frustrations out on me, blamed me for everything my brother did, hid my father's death from me until I was almost 18, and reaches out after 8 years of no contact and wants me to take care of her pedophile son while she's in poor health.
I'm attaching my response to her below.
Hi. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm also not okay with you contacting me, especially under the circumstances that you violated the privacy of your own sister to get my contact information. I have read your apologies and excuses and I do not accept either. You say I reminded you of Dad? He spent more time with me and showed more interest in my well-being than you ever did, and that's including the 6 years he was absent from my life by your own selfish design. Menopause? I find that hard to believe as this went on for the better part of half a decade and not once in that time did your attitude towards brother change. You always treated him with the same coddling infantile obsession and patience that one would show a toddler. It was and is clear that you have a preferred child as that adult-sized pile of shit is still living comfortably with dear old mama. I'm guessing no one else is willing to take him in? Are Uncle and Cousins afraid of him doing something to their daughters or grandchildren? I do believe you when you say you want to rebuild the bridge that you nuked from orbit years ago, but I can't believe it's not for your own selfish desires. And I can't find any reason or way my quality of life could be improved with your presence. The reality is, my life has been far better without you than it could be with you. I've never said this to anyone, but if there is a sense of karma and balance in the universe, your current situation is proof of that. The next time I see your name on my computer screen, had better be for your obituary. But since you and the monster you raised both decided to keep Dad's death a secret from me, and remove any choice I had to mourn or pay my respects, I'll return that kindness to you.
Please die away from me.

I (28m) met an older woman (37f) on a dating app around two months ago. I had no reason to believe she was married up until two weeks ago.
Let’s call my ex girlfriend “Sandy.”
Things progressed normally. We chatted casually for a few days. Impulsively met up for drinks. One date later, and Sandy spent the night at my place. Since then, we’ve grown super close to the point of seeing each other or FaceTimeing for hours every day.
Sandy has a daughter and responsibilities, so obviously there were days where we spoke a little less. There’s days I’m busy too. I never thought twice about her whereabouts. Turns out that the days Sandy was quiet were the days her wife had off of work. On top of that, we spent almost all of our time at my place, or out, which was fine. I began to feel it was off that I literally never saw her home. Sandy shied away from bringing me there, and I kind of let it go because of her daughter. It’s her space. I gave her very little pressure.
I brought it up one day, gently.
I simply asked, “You know I’ve only ever seen your house on FaceTime?” It was lighthearted pillow talk.
Sandy made some flirty comment about how she’s “maybe hiding a big secret.”
The way Sandy said it was off, but I tried not to read into it.
Two weeks ago, she invited me over and I could tell that she was clearly uncomfortable the entire time. Admittedly, she did a good job at hiding any sign that a third person lived there, besides Sandy and her daughter. Still, I had a hard time getting comfortable with her acting so stiff and nervous.
I left, and for a week, the relationship was strained for no identifiable reason.
I decided to do some cyber stalking. I’d never thoroughly gone through her instagram. Sure enough, in her tagged photos was Sandy, her wife, and her daughter. The photo was tagged two months ago.
At first Sandy lied to me and told me she was estranged from her wife but didn’t know how to tell me. I called bullshit and she finally admitted that she was cheating, and hoping for a better situation.
We talked about what she meant by “a better situation” and she simply means she no longer thinks she’s a lesbian but she doesn’t know how to get out of it.
Obviously things are over between us. Part of me wants to just lay low, and part of me wants to tell this poor naive person that she’s being cheated on. Her wife deserves better. Her wife deserves to know at a minimum, right?
Would I be the asshole if I tell my ex girlfriend’s wife about my ex’s infidelity?

For context, I am in University about 50 miles from where she and my parents live, so I commute every weekend and most weekdays to see her. I love her. Plain and simple, in so many ways. We used to work together until she got a better job recently. Yesterday was her birthday. I made her some cookies common in the continent she's from, and baked them into heart shapes. I also got her 25$ of lottery tickets, flowers, her favorite energy drink, and a handwritten card with a lot of writing and drawings of us and her cat. I dropped it off to her in the morning after an all-nighter (going through it with finals and papers right now) and drove to the University to work my full shift. First she texted me thanking me for the gift, then asked me "what the fuck" those cookies were and that she choked on them. I was sad, told her what they were, and she told me I shouldn't have cooked something as a gift since I'm a bad cook. (I am, but I've made other stuff that she liked in the past). She also complained that the whole point of buying lottery tickets is to buy them, not to scratch them (I disagree?). She texted me that I shouldn't have gotten her anything if it was just going to be low effort.
I saw her later that night after she got out of work, and she was mad at me. She said I ruined her birthday by giving such a low effort gift, and that I didn't care about her. She brought up that I ruined her birthday last year too (by not immediately stopping our text conversation about some other girl and wishing her happy birthday the minute it got past midnight). Anytime I responded that I did put effort into the cookies, she would just deny it. Incredibly frustrating since I know how much effort I put in. She was mad the flowers I got her were not in a boquet, only loose, which didn't make it seem like a special occasion. At the heart of it she was mad that my gifts weren't special? To me the card and cookies were plenty special but she just says that it was stuff I've given her other days. She started calling me ret*rded, to which I responded "You're mean to me and I don't like it". I don't remember much of what she said (I'd had 4 hours of sleep in the past 2 nights), but she doubled down and continued calling me a wide variety of hurtful words, from ret*rded to stupid to childish and immature. I was already long sobbing, and in the middle asked her to just hit me instead. She obviously refused. She asked if I even wanted to go on our trip this upcoming weekend. I responded yes, and she replied that maybe I don't if I don't care about her enough to get her a decent gift.
She's horrifically depressed, and I know she has some specific trauma in response to people not caring about her birthdays. I think that explains part of it. Still, I tried. I am also depressed myself. I've tried bringing it up to her a few times and she responds that I'm "always bitching too much" because my life is so perfect. Compared to hers its way better, yes, but that doesn't mean I need a reason to be depressed. She's also acted distant the entire Spring semester. I rarely spend time with her, and even more rarely is it time that isn't just "okay we can see each other for 5 minutes but I have to go in". We havent' had sex since January, or cuddling. I very much miss both of these things, and we've had (rare) opportunities for them shes missed because shes too busy sleeping (I'm not allowed in her appartment to join her, mom discovered we had sex).
At the end of being yelled at when she denied me a hug and told me essentially to go away, I had a nervous break. Honestly I've been working too much and I'm overwhelmed with needing to find a new second job and the immense weight of finals and final essays ,things breaking on my car, and now this. I sped off, her and her mom heard my tires squealing and uninvited me from the trip. I drove recklessly for about 2-3 minutes on backroads while scream-crying about killing myself and fighting the urge to drive into a tree. Not proud of it. But I am devastated about missing the trip. She backed out on us living together, and promised we could have time to cuddle on the trip. I honestly don't feel like I have anything to look forward to.
I do a lot for her. I drive two hours round trip every time I want to see her, sometimes even for 5 minutes to drop off some food before going back. I've spent the past academic year working to support our long-standing plans of moving out together (This past weekend was my first time having more than one day off in a row since accompanying her to her surgery in October). I bring her flowers weekly, at work I do all of the hard stuff for her and massage her shoulders if she feels sore. I bring her food from my University and any treats she wants from the surrounding stores. I always ask if she wants anything. I have never said anything hurtful to her. She apologizes when she hurts my feelings too much and she realizes it, like last night. I spend thousands on her, whether jewelry (the most expensive ring she lost), buying her contacts or paying big bills when shes strugglign like drivers' ed or her wheel bearing replacements.
She texted me that shes sorry I'm not going and that she hurt me but I need to control my emotions better. That she loves me so much and regardless of our fights she will always love me so much. I responded that I felt like an unappreciated chore and didnt want to get yelled at. She replied that I'm not a chore she just hasnt had time and has been too depressed to make time for me. We texted a bit and I slept a few hours until my final/work today. She clearly didn't like me defending myself by saying that if i got a present i didnt like i wouldnt call my partner a "worthless ret*rd" by responding "i never called you worthless dont put words in my mouth...i sent you messages apologizing and being worried and your response is victimizing and arguing more...not happy with ruining my birthday? had to go further and ruin the day after?"
We've been texting each other throughout the day happier things. She's been sending me recipes to be a better cook and wants me to see her for 5 minutes after work in about 2 hours from the time of writing. I want to be with her. I love her, I've done so much, I will continue. But I feel like I'm being verbally abused. And I don't know how to stop it. I'm so overwhelmed with everythign in my life and I really just need someone on my side. I think i'll just first establish a rule of not interrupting/yelling and then telling her how hurt and lonely I feel. That I love her and I can totally work with her on managing time for me and depression but that I cannot tolerate verbal abuse.
TLDR: Gave girlfriend cookies for her birthday. She didnt like them and called me a ret*rd. I had a nervous break from other combined stressors, made a scene with reckless driving, got uninvited to a trip with her and her mom. She is texting me recipes and being nice to me today. I will see her in a few hours. I am hurt and overwhelmed with life and just want to be treated like I'm loved.
Thank you readers

"Good evening, tributes, and welcome back to the stories of Panem. Before we begin, I would like to thank Christian Blanco, the original writer of "Tales of the Hunger Games," and Lauren from "Panem Reborn." Now, since I don't have too much else to say, let's go!
Game 114 (150):
District 1: Jacqueline and Facet
District 2: Malona and Crane
District 3: Darlene and Colt
District 4: Brook and Harbor
District 5: Unknown girl and Darian
District 6: Fifi and Atlas
District 7: Bloom and Amarylio
District 8: Scarlet and Carter
District 9: Zest and Mazin
District 10: Zulu and Mateo
District 11: Unknown girl and Lee
District 12: Dorothy and Hargree
District 14: Both unknown
A plethora of excitement crossed the capital over the past year, especially their beloved commentator Camilia Ravenstil's pregnancy, which resulted in her giving birth to twins named Amelia and Cyrus, to honor the past two Game Makers. Even Winnow's victory was still in high popularity.
As the reapings rolled around on July 4th, many of the capital citizens flew to their TVs and viewing parties. Winnow made her journey from district to district with her mother and entourage from the capital. When she landed in District 4 on the late morning of the third day of the reapings, she was greeted by Mayor Chigwell. After a rather long tour of the district's harbors and jewelry stores, they stopped at a nearby seaside diner for a brief lunch. Viewers in Snow Square laughed at Winnow's face of pure boredom as Mayor Chigwell ranted about the latest trends in the district's fashion. Winnow's face soon turned to relief as the mayor brought her back to the district's reaping square.
After a little bit of time, the light blue-catered youths were walked into the square by rather impatient Peacekeepers. Mayor Chigwell finished up his speech before welcoming Winnow to the stage. She gave out a rather tired smile at the district's population before talking about the joys of being a victor. She then asked if any of the girls wanted to volunteer. After hearing no response, she then took out the name of 17-year-old Brook Branachok.
Brook was found in the back of the 17-year-old section. Her platinum blonde hair made her quite noticeable to viewers in Snow Square. She sighed dramatically before flipping her blonde hair back in a dramatic manner as her piercing blue eyes even made some of her nearby peers shudder in fear as Brook arrived at the stage and shook Winnow's hand. "She was later described as a 'rich high school bully' by commentators. The girls in a mood," Winnow laughed before shaking Brook’s hand before walking to the male reaping bowl. After a brief silence, she thrusted her hand elbow-deep before taking out the name of 17-year-old Harbor Zanders. A brief pause soon followed by a discussion as a boy with dark brown curly hair with a smattering of light brown freckles on his face gave a guilt-ridden smile before walking up to the stage. However, as a group of teens his age giggled, Harbor turned back and glared at the giggling boys as they suddenly grew quiet. Harbor soon took out a flask of wine. Capital citizens laughed as Harbor found one of his friends and tossed it to him before walking back up to the stage. Back in the capital, both Camilia and Silca and even most of the audience had been surprised at the pair's striking attitudes.
Harbor then shook Brook and Winnow’s hand before they were announced as this year's tributes for District 4 before moderate applause followed. Winnow soon brought the two tributes to the drawing room before she made her journey to District 3 with her entourage.
Brook was visited by her mother, father, and four younger sisters clinging dearly onto their sister. After successfully removing her sobbing siblings, Brook’s mother calmed her daughter down as her father, Coral, gave the best advice he could offer. Peacekeepers soon came in to bring Brook to the waiting dock. She waved and said she’d "At least try to win."
As for Harbor, he was visited by his mother, father, and his younger and older brothers. As his siblings were saddened as well as his parents, Harbor embraced them all in a tight hug. Before he was needed at the dock, his girlfriend Melanie even joined in this hug causing Harbor to show some emotion.
After a few more minutes, peacekeepers soon brought Harbor out of the room to join Brook at the dock as the pair boarded the jet boat to the capital.
"Man, you've been through the ringer, haven't you?"
"Same goes to you, girl. Haven't seen you in a year."
The pair soon chatted with each other about their experiences at the academy and gossiping about old friends. Brook, in particular, laughed hysterically when Harbor mentioned how his ex-girlfriend got karma returned to her when she crashed a birthday party at Harbor’s dad's bar, resulting in the peacekeepers putting her in the district's jail for a month.
However, as the pair tried to dine upon the food provided, the boat hit a bump resulting in Brook, Harbor, four avoxes, the dining table, and nine peacekeepers to go flying up into the sky. Thankfully, no harm came between the fifteen as the peacekeepers then helped the two back up as a new lunch buffet was arrived. And so did their mentor, Sienna Shoreville, victor of the 105th Hunger Games, arrived in.
"I don't want you two to ally with the 2s, maybe the 1s, depends on how they are."
Brook looked curiously at Sienna before saying, "Didn't Anamaria get her neck snapped by the girl a year prior?"
Sienna groaned in annoyance at remembering this cringeworthy death before walking to the bar carriage before inviting the two to join. As Sienna asked the pair about their lives, she laughed while listening to Harbor telling some stories of working at his dad's bar and the customers who would frequent the place. However, when Sienna asked Brook about her life and possible skills, Brook sighed before saying, "I guess looking pretty’s a skill."
Sienna laughed before replying, "For getting sponsors, yes, but not when you're in a fight to the death."
As this reality check wiped the smile from Brook’s face, she and Harbor finished up their meals before listening more to Sienna’s lecture about the games. And as an act to see if her tributes were actually paying attention, she quizzed them on the dos and don'ts in the capital. As Harbor passed this quiz, Sienna laughed before allowing him some "Capital Goodies." However, as Brook blatantly failed the quiz, she laughed and called Harbor a "suck-up" before walking to her room.
Sienna looked at Harbor for a second before saying, "I guess she’s either related to the mayor or is a spoiled rotten brat."
"She usually brags about her rich family members, always thinks she's better than everyone."
"And trust me, the girl ain't pretty."
Sienna and Snow Square laughed as she then patted him on the back before""telling him to get a 'nap' in before they were to arrive in the capital."
He nodded before Brook returned. It is unknown what the two girls talked about for the remainder of the trip, but our historians have noted that Brook’s scowl from before had dissolved for the time being. As evening rolled around, the pair from District 4's boat landed at Mcaine dock as an excited crowd of capital citizens swarmed the pair from 4 and their very popular mentor, who had been giving out her new jewelry to some of her lucky fans.
Brook and Harbor performed rather well, with the capital citizens enjoying their "feisty sailor attitudes." Even some reporters from Golden 24 put up a most popular tribute poll with Harbor and Brook being in the top 3, narrowly beating Fifi from District 6.
Sienna then thanked the capital for their time before taking her tributes to the limousine. Once it arrived at the accommodation tower, they arrived at the 4th floor. After arriving, Sienna called their stylist, Orivile Cartwright.
Orivile embraced Sienna before showing his tributes his pre-made outfits, which were Sailor themed, which made Brook and Harbor smile. Due to them having a fair amount of time left, Sienna displayed the post-reaping commentaries before turning on the commentary for District 1 as Orivile worked away at the pairs' outfits.
Mayor Cassino greeted a very exhausted Winnow Fraiser. Also accompanying the mayor was Realm Jones, victor of the 101st Hunger Games, and Quintin Mahoney, victor of the 108th Hunger Games, joined Winnow on the initial tour. Winnow appeared to be star-struck sitting between both iconic victors. She even turned around to Quintin saying, "I can't believe I get to meet a legend like you."
Quintin laughed before giving Winnow some comic relief during the tour, telling her about his games and even asking a few questions about her own games. At the conclusion of the tour, Realm's eyes lit up in delight as he saw his own capital mentor, Narcissa Valentions, warmly embracing her mentee.
"So what're you doing here?"
"I had some time off. I figured I'd come by and see how you've been doing. Business at my shop has been bustling as ever, so I figured I’d take a break to see my first victor."
As Realm and Narcissa soon walked over to the talent demonstrations together, Quintin laughed as Mayor Cassino welcomed the scarlet youths. Winnow was then brought up to the stage. She asked if any of the youths wanted to volunteer, becoming surprised when 10 ladies and 8 gentlemen volunteered for the role of tribute for District 1. Silca joked with Camilia, saying, "It's normal for them, isn't it?"
With the ladies' many remarkable weapon displays and archery displays, 18-year-old Jacqueline Faywether had been announced as the final volunteer to try her luck. She smiled at many nearby cameras as even one enthralled boy in the audience fainted seeing the rather extractive career girl.
She shot 10 arrows blindfolded and threw 8 knives in the letter J form, causing even more ripples of laughter sounded in the square. The mayor announced the two passing tributes. As for the two tributes, Jacqueline’s only remaining opponent, Jewel, had almost won the title of female tribute but had a stroke leading to Jacqueline to win the title of female tributes.
As for the guys, 18-year-old Facet Elixithorn had made himself a crowd and capital favorite by his spear-throwing display and to ending in a handstand with wild applause following. Three guys made it to the debate round with Realm this time asking the questions. With poise and dignity, Lance’s strong mind and less nerves had won him the title of male tribute for District 1.
After the pair were bathed and stylized, they were then brought out to the square as they then shook Winnow’s hand before she announced Jacqueline and Facet were announced as the tributes for District 1.
And after a brief meeting with their families and friends with not too much emotion, Jacqueline and Facet were then brought to the train as the train began their journey to the capital.
Narcissa, Realm, and Quintin then greeted their tributes with Jacqueline and Facet being surprised seeing their district's first victor’s mentor. Quintin soon brought the four to the table having a brief dinner with Narcissa asking the two if they had any skills besides their ‘weapons of choice.’ Quintin was pleased to hear of Jacqueline's diverse skills of weaponry before bragging to her district partner about her achievements at the Kobayashi self-defense center. However, instead of being jealous, Facet asked his district partner about her accomplishments.
Realm and Quintin were pleased with their tributes getting along with each other before showing the past reapings in the districts. Facet and Jacqueline laughed hysterically at the District 2 reaping games even Narcissa let out a smile. Quintin then asked the pair if there had been “Other commendable allies besides the non-dazzling loonies from 2 besides Jade and Hermina, they are dazzling.” Realm also chimed in adding that they should “Look for others.”
However, as Jacqueline was going to ask why Realm shushed her and said, “The career pack has their on and off years.” Jacqueline nodded before Quintin continued talking to the pair about the past reapings. Facet and Jacqueline even suggested the girl from 3 and the pair from 4 as potential allies. Realm appeared to consider this before Quintin added in that “He would see what he could do.”
As the pair nodded, the pair from 1’s train arrived in the outskirts of the capital. Narcissa soon styled the pair up, quietly complaining to Realm of how Jacqueline's red hair and Facet's long blonde curls were impossible to tame. The train then arrived in the capital with the usual excited capital crowd marveling scarlet couture. Jacqueline and Facet were both outstanding hits with the capital citizens maintaining proper etiquette. However, two capital lights had to be removed from the audience after heckling Facet about his district partner. Narcissa then wished Jacqueline and Facet luck before kissing Realm and Quintin on the cheek. Realm and Quintin then thanked the capital citizens for their time before bringing the pair from 1 to the limousine as it brought them to their accommodation tower.
Once they arrived at their accommodation tower apartment, they were greeted by their stylist, Aurelia Heavensbee. She smiled at the four of them before whisking them to the dining table showing them her designs for the parade. Jacqueline in particular was marveling at her long ruby dress as Facet jokingly told Jacqueline that they looked like a “walking jewel.” However, Aurelia frowned as Realm glared at Facet as the smile was wiped from his face. The pair then groaned in annoyance at their stylist's bland outfits.
Before the pair were then brought to the parade moments later, Facet and Jacqueline were immediately approached by Malona and Crane, both from 2 introducing themselves. However, Facet cut the pair off from further words, saying, “the career pack is gonna be different this year.” As Malona protested, Jacqueline said, ‘thanks but no thanks.” Both Jade Heath and Herminia Gold looked at the District 1 mentors in bewilderment as they also reciprocated. However, the pair from 1 then came over to the pair from 4 chatting with their mentor.
“Darling, you look stunning.”
“Oh, thank you, you dazzling ruby.”
Brook and Jacqueline seemed to obtain an instant connection. As Facet complemented Harbor’s outfit. Harbor smiled good-naturedly back before chatting away with him about lives in their districts. Facet soon asked the pair if they would be interested in an alliance in the arena; however, Sienna leaned in this conversation asking “Where are the 2s?”
Jacqueline then replied that they were “trying something new this year” before pointing at the pair making fun of Mateo from 10’s cow-themed parade outfit. Sienna shrugged as Brook and Harbor warmly accepted the offer as Facet and Jacqueline smiled saying “splendid see you soon.” When the pair from 1 got back, Realm popped up asking “You with the 4s this year.” As the pair nodded, Realm smiled and nodded with Quintin and Aurelia doing their touch-ups to their tributes' outfits. Sienna commended the pair for “making friends already,” she still urged caution before re-adding in “The 2 mentors there are my ride or dies but still keep your eyes on them if needed.”
The pair then nodded as the parade then began. Regal applause and cheers sounded for the pair from 1, but Nico Anderson lead editor of Anderson Fashion applauded for their strong impression but said the dress was “So Basic.” The pair from 4 were given a large amount of applause as Harbor and Brook waved at the audience even performing an old dance known as a “Jig”. The pair were also given a boatload of flowers and chocolate resulting in both Brook and Harbor sneezing uncontrollably at the end of the parade during President Mcaine's speech. Best dressed was ultimately awarded to the pair from 4 with their sailor-themed couture.
When the pair from 1 arrived back in their district apartment, they were glaring daggers from afar at Aurelia,
“How did it go.”
“How did it feel getting harshly criticized on live TV.”
Quintin shot Jacqueline a disapproving look as Realm asked if there other worthy allies. Both mentors were pleased hearing their success with the pair from 4 before Realm reassured them that they still looked “dazzling” before sending his tributes to bed. However, with the pair from 4, Sienna warmly embraced the two of her tributes on a best-dressed win. As Orville also joined in the group hug has the 4 of them partied till around 11:30 pm until Sienna sent her tributes to bed as she and Orville stayed up a while longer.
Bright and early the following morning, the mentors ushered their tributes to the training center with a very frustrated Apollo Price. Unfortunately, during his speech about the rules of the training center, he tasered Mateo from 10 after he tried to make a break for the door after Price’s speech concluded. Mateo’s mentor Bianca Jr Ramon rolled her eyes before dropping her mentee at the knife station.
The newly made career alliance between the District 1 and 4 tributes conquered most of the training stations with Facet and Harbor bonding over dropping and throwing large weights causing Fifi from 6 to wet herself earning a smirk from the boys. When Mateo awoke from his unconscious slumber, he immediately ran to Mateo asking him to spare. Since Mateo was no older than 14 and he was the youngest tribute the careers laughed before Facet told him to “Buzz off”. However, as Mateo continued to pester the career boys, Harbor gave Facet a knowing look before accepting Mateo’s sparing request.
A short crowd of tributes went to the jousting stations as Mateo and Harbor were briefed on the rules before being allowed to go at it. It was no surprise that Harbor won all 4 rounds.
“Easy”.
Harbor smiled warmly before being tackled to the ground by the 14-year-old boy from 10.
“You think you're better than me HA you rotten career boy.”
As Price Facet Brook and even Sienna tried to step in Harbor held his hand up to stay back. Harbor then threw the boy off him before pinching the nerve on Mateo’s neck knocking him clean out. As training master Price and Sienna looked at him in bewilderment before Price smiled saying
“Good job kid”.
Harbor smiled before Facet and he returned to the weight station and survival, knife and axe stations even giving advice to Amarylio from 7 with starting fires.
As for the girls they mainly gossiped to themselves and having “Girl talk” at the aquatic station sword station and archery stations. When any tribute tried to use the archery station both Jacqueline and Brook would melodicaly but fiercely slam there weapons into the targtes.
At the end of the traing head master price brought the tributes to the asscors room. Due to the request of the new head game maker the tributes assesment scores were kept strictly confidential. However tabloid reporters manage to scoop out that Jacqueline Facet Harbor and Malona from to managed to score at the top of the pack with a 11. Brook and Amarylio scored a 9 and at the bottom of the pack was Mateo and Hargree from 12 scoring a 3 each.
Both Sienna Quintin and Realm were beyond impressed with there tributes scores before they’re stylist sketched up potential outfits with there mentors soon quizing the pairs on interview educate.
Camilia Ravenstil welcomed the excited capital audience modeling a rather gothic dress that made her look like a ghost tree by the audience. The audience even laughed good naturedly as Camilia shook for a second as leaves fell of her costume as if wind had hit her. She then exictedly welcomed Jacqueline from 1. She was adorned in a stunning pink and red dress with her hair put up in braids. The two had some gossip before reavling to the audience that she was a decdent of Emarld Rivelta victor of the 34th hunher games. Camilia slapped her knee and laughed saying “Thats who you resmbl I guessed right I knew it!”
As the girls chatted the audience loved her regal responses to Camilas questions as even mentoning the carrer alliance brought the crowd into rapsous cheers,even when she talked about her allies from 4 openly. She then kissed Camilia on the hand before bowing which caused even more cheers before she was dismissed back stage. Facet was welcomed in next marveling a sleeveless pink suit with ruby jeans making many of the capital audience to swoon over his physeigue. Even Camilia was taken aback by his charm and confidence as he spoke about his training experience and the strength of his alliance with Jacqueline. His witty remarks and easygoing demeanor captivated the audience, earning him loud applause and admiration.
Later on into the night brook was welcomed in next with wild cheers and wolf whistles sounding. With her hair being dyed a pure yellow with a light brown dress resembling sand following her. She proceeded to have the same amount of banter with Camilia as Jacqueline did however Camilia cut her off as she was finshing up talking about her dads money saying “Honey this is the hunger games.”
“Yeah and Ill live how I like before the games.”
As a few jeers sounded the rest of her interview was rather dull the only light being Camilia shooing the “Regina George” of the stage. As Camila then called Harbor loud cheers sounded again as Harbor walked on to the stage with his curly black hair and brown eyes making him quite attrauctive to many even his pirate themed coustume became an over night sensation with many fashion designers stating that they wanted this fashionable suit.
As Camilia asked Harbor about the games becoming pleased with his short but sweet responses. Even cracking some good jokes about the other competitors mainly about Bloom from 7 and Mateo from 10 . To conclude Harbor’s inteviwed he tossed his waist coat to teh crowd as an excited gagle of captial ladies clammered for this waist coat. As his interview ended on a high. Finaly after the interview of the boy from 14 the new head game maker Natellia Swan was welcomed to the stage. Head game maker swan was adorned in a regal black gown also sporting garish make up making her resmble more of ghost then human. After introducing herself to the excited capital audience Camila smiled before shaking her hand saying that “Game maker swan has alot to accept from.” She laughed before giving hint out to teh audience by pointing to both of the laides dresses. Curious osund sof inteirgue soon followed as game maker swan smiled and bowed as she then left the stage as Camilia then ended the interviews there. The next morning tributes were given a breif breakefst before being brought to the arena’s holding room.
This years outfits consisted of black coats with black jeans and snakers with there distristicts nymbers stickered on the back of there coats. Realm visited Facet before reminding him to stick with Jacqueline and Harbor and Brook. However before Realm finished Facet replied “That girl Brook might be problem.” Realm nodded and agreed before reminding him to keep an eye on her before shaking his hand as he went into his tube. Jacqueline was visited by Quintin the pair had a similar conversation as Realm did with Facet before Jacqueline embraced Quintin and thanked him joking “District 1 needs more ladys.” Quintin laughed before hugging her back before walking Jacqueline to her tube. As for Brook she was not visited by Sienna nor Orvilve a fact that suprised her the most but shrugged before patiently puting her hair up in a bun and waiting for the tribute call to sound. As for Harbor Sienna visted him. She embacred Harbor before reminding him to “ Keep an eye on all of them.”
Harbor smiled before thanking Sienna for her mentor ship before Sienna walked Harbor to his tube his tube and at mid day the podiums then arose into the arena.
Arena Ghosty lake Game 114

I (24F) have been in a relationship with my (25M) since I was 16. I apologize for how all over the place this is. I just need help.
We’ve grown up together. I love this man with all my heart. I feel as if he’s my person, but he doesn’t feel the same. He tells me he loves me, but his actions haven’t always said the same.
To set the stage, it was like any other high school relationship. You believe you’re gonna end up married and pregnant a year after you graduate. It’s not the case. Honestly the red flag should have been when he laughed in my face when I told him I loved him for the first time. We were 3 months into dating and spending every day together. We got a place together on my 20th birthday. Everything was perfect in my eyes. We were own our own, sex life was up, and it was all ours. No rules or parents. It wasn’t until 8ish months later I discovered he was sexting my friend. I did the worse thing possible and cheated too. Everything went to shit. He moved out, we fought, all that. Well, we ended up back together after a few months apart. He moved back in and everything was fine. Here I am 2 years later after all this happened and I’m doubting if coming back was a good decision. My whole family hates him. My friends hate him. Every single person I know that has met him, hates him. He doesn’t put in the effort to be around the people important to me. He never attends a single family event of mine. Absolutely nothing. Not even my birthday party. We no longer live in the house that’s in my name. Everything is his. We had a conversation a couple weeks ago about how we have to live our lives for us and I broke down crying because it sounded like he didn’t want me in his. He told me I was overreacting and he’d buy a ring in two years time. He refuses to get married. He refuses to have kids before he’s in his 30s. I try to make him see my point but he fails to see why it bothers me so much. I’ve always wanted a happy family. We both make decent money. There’s no reason why we couldn’t support a child. I’m afraid his fear of commitment is because he’s still sleeping with someone behind my back, but I have no proof. It’s eating me alive. I can’t get his phone to check messages or when I do there’s only two conversations left. It makes me feel like he’s deleting the truth so I don’t see. I attend everything of his family’s. I treat his sister like my own. I feel trapped down. Everything is his and I will have nothing but my car and clothes. My mom said I can move in with her, but after being on your own, how do you go back to that? Am I overreacting? I’m not asking to get married tomorrow, but we’ve been together so long that boyfriend and girlfriend sounds fucking stupid to my ears. I wanted a future with him, but what happens if we do have a kid? Will he allow the kid to see my family or is he going to fight me? What do I do?
It’s not like we’re fighting either. I just want more. I feel guilty for wanting more. We still get alone. We’re still loving towards each other. He has no idea what’s going through my head since that conversation. I’m lost.

Dear friends of the interwebs,
I think in many of our cases, the actual truth of the waywards infidelities is even greater than what we are led to believe and or told.
The single best thing I could have done was call a strike a strike when I first found out and immediately cut off all contact as painful as that would have been at the time.
I didn’t do that. I hung around, I clung to what I thought was left. I did everything in my power to show that they where loved, that I cared deeply about her and our family.
I had the fear that things may have been far worse than I was told, and that was indeed the truth.
The person I discovered her cheating on me with, he was actually the 3rd or 4th person, not the first.
She had been telling her girlfriend that fee has been broken up for 6 months, while acting like we where totally together and things where going well.
We literally had dinner as a family 6 of 7 nights per week, slept in the same bed. Spent weekends and weeknights together.
When people say cut it off immediately, they aren’t being callous. They are often speaking from hard won experience.
The level of deception people will go to for their own selfish reasons is far beyond anything you can possibly imagine the person you loved doing.
Far beyond. Please heed my words. There was a time when I could not heed the good advice of well meaning people on here.
I thought they where cold and cruel- grieving there own separation with pessimism, anger and despair.
“It didn’t work out for me, how can it possibly work out for you” type of attitude.
That is not the case.
I thought my wayward was sincere, loving and capable of being a good person.
I was proven wrong again and again and again. It hurts, but in time I and you will heal.
May you be blessed on your journey through life.
May I accept whatever comes to me woven in the pattern of my destiny, for what can more aptly suite my needs- Marcus Aurelius

Beseiged by nasty rumours and a whisper campaign, Priyanka Chopra has decided to immerse herself in work and focus on her forthcoming music album. But while the 29-year-old Pee Cee has opted for a dignified silence in the face of nasty media whispers, friends of the actress claim that her calm faade is just that.
Juggling work, her father's illness, and these rumours have taken a toll on the star. In particular she is upset and flummoxed by the campaign unleashed by a powerful producer-director who can make and break careers in Bollywood. "At a recent party while he was feeding her cupcakes, she heard rumours of him bitching her out-all this is very hurtful," said a close associate of the actress who did not want to be identified. The associate-cum-friend believes that a powerful clique of star wives is behind this spate of anti-Priyanka stories. "Priyanka has done nothing wrong. If these women are insecure about their relationships with their husbands, they should sort it out with them, at home. Why should they attack her?" thunders the friend.
The actress, who along with Vidya Balan has often been seen as Bollywood's go-to girl for meaty writer-backed roles, has confided to her friends that whatever is happening to her could be a function of the way the male-dominated industry operates. But she refuses to let it affect her work. "The only way she can strike back is by doing more work, good work. And it is not just films. There is music, endorsements… she is a brand, a multi-faceted personality and there is no way any star-wife can take that away from her." Says the friend emphatically, adding, "To all those who are calling her names, we would like to ask them, what are your achievements? You will only be remembered as Mrs so and so…!"
As for the stars that have allegedly refused to work with the actress, another friend counters by pointing out that she has always maintained a healthy professional relationship with her stars. "Truth is, she has not signed any new films for this year, as she is busy till October. There are several big-ticket projects she has been approached for. But since she has a policy of not announcing any project before it is ready to go on the floors, people will have to wait until August for news on that front."
When Mumbai Mirror called for her version of the events, Priyanka said she would only talk about her work and the music album. "Whatever has happened is in the past," is all she would say.
However, her protective friends were more forthcoming. "Ever since she was nine years old Priyanka has been in awe of Shah Rukh Khan. But now she is scared to even utter his name in public, no matter how innocent or professional the context." Responding to rumours that the two will not be seen together because of various pressures, the friend says, "Priyanka and SRK shot together for Farhan Akhtar's adult literacy mission film recently. There is nothing on the anvil right now for them to share a platform in public." But sources close to the actress say they continue to remain friendly.
The actress, who is flying out of the country to finish work on her music album, has a lot going on in her life right now. For the last six months her father has not been keeping well. According to her concerned friends, it is not easy for her parents to read the vicious reports about their daughter every day.
"She is a feisty fighter, a hardworking girl and will not tolerate any attempts to discredit her
professionally," says the friend, before joining the actress on the sets of Krrish, where she is shooting till the wee hours of the morning
Poor Little Rich Gauri
Is she on the verge of a nervous breakdown or is she just a bratty star wife?
From being fiercely private to being Bollywood's biggest party animal – Gauri Khan's recent uncharacteristic and irregular behavior has left her husband and friends shocked. So, what's really going on with the gorgeous Mrs Khan?
Kicked out of London hotspot
Gauri Khan and friends were kicked out of famed London club Tramp, leaving lines of illegal substances and broken bottles of Champagne in their trail. Known for its infamous celebrity guests, the club is no stranger to nefarious activities, so the party of 10 must have been doing something seriously bad to have to be escorted out of the premises!
Partied till 7am at IPL without SRK
Despite her husband leaving South Africa mid IPL, Gauri decided to stay back and party till 7am every night with her four girlfriends. Fellow party animals were shocked to see that the usually reserved Gauri was letting her hair down on the dance floor, somthing no one had seen her do before. Masala! heard someone quipping, 'We want what she's on!'
Keeping bad company
From safe (and boring) K-Jo to wild (and bored) star wives, Bhavna Pandey and Maheep Khan and hot (and spoilt) south Mumbai IT girls Renu Chainani and Nandita Mahtani – Gauri has changed her company drastically in the past few years. SRK expressed how he did not approve of their group activities and was heard telling Gauri to 'grow up and accept the responsibilities that fame comes along with'. His harsh lecture, however, fell on deaf ears as she made plans to go to with the same friends to Europe, Miami and then LA soon after! When confronted about her irresponsible behavior and the fact that SRK was sitting at home playing video games with the kids, while Gauri was out partying and neglecting the kids, the latter lashed out at SRK telling him that he had no right to control her life and abused him. So angry was the actor that he finally threatened to leave for Mumbai with the kids if she didn't get her act together!
Fed up of being the perfect mrs Khan
For years now Gauri has played the role of the perfect star wife – dressing and acting the part, being seen with the right people (only those who SRK approved of!) and building an image that she exploited and enjoyed at the time. She confided in a friend saying: 'I am tired of living for the world of fans, I want to live for myself. Why can't I?'
Breaking free or breaking down?
While many of Gauri's friends believe that she's just living life for herself, other's are convinced that she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown!
Masala! verdict
Tired and fed up of playing the perfect celeb spouce, the allegedly bratty Gauri is trying to break free. A friend of the couple told Masala! "Gauri now wants to live life for herself. What's wrong with living in the fast lane?" Nothing, we guess, as long as she's got her seatbelt on and her hands firmly on the wheel!

Keeping it short and simple I met this cute girl in college, after 2 years of studying and hanging out together, i asked her if she liked me, not only she said that she didn’t, on top of that said she had a boyfriend and didn’t expect this from me, (since when did politely confessing love to someone became offensive), I didn’t knew she had a boyfriend and after this encounter didn’t spoke to her for a straight month. When i did join our friend circle (you can’t survive studying alone, you will need a group for projects), this girl had told her best friend that i was trying out on her even though she had a boyfriend and is disappointed on me, no matter how many times i tell her i did not know of her boyfriend (i don’t give 2 fucks about your stupid boyfriend whoever he is) she just goes around saying that i tried to hit on her knowing well she had a boyfriend. Now i only stay in her group for group projects and because rest of the class is kinda rude to an introvert guy like me. So our group is my only option and her face just keeps reminding me of how much i used to love her and depression both at the same time. Although we are good friends she now thinks after rejecting me, it is a good idea to stop me from being friends with some other guys in college who drink and smoke (stoners are the chill guys in college never forced me to do anything rash, just wanted help in assignments and you can have great chat with them any point of time, not like fake friends who copy your assignments and then block you or insult you in class) if any other person would have said i was making friends who are bad influence, I would not have found it as irksome as she telling me this after rejecting me and spreading fake rumours about my ill intent (what are you except being my friend? A girlfriend i never had?)so you guys do the justice and give tips for me in this situation, remember, our marks depend on this friend zoned relationship. I have to stay a friend for projects. Also if i ever had a girlfriend, i would not want her to be nagging and put her nose in my matters type. One advice is that i only meet her for work related matters otherwise i avoid her. Ask in comments for more of the backstory, whether i still like her or not.

first
Luna VI query: Set the source to the leaked files of the first reconnaissance operation of Irisa.
Certainly!
Luna VI query: What did Ryo do during the first hour of the war?
***
Ryo had already reached a state of full awareness after waking up, and yet he hadn't moved an inch, immersed in his inner world as he thought about what he and Elysira had done at night.
And what a wild night it was.
The way that she had skipped the journey to go straight for the finishing line had caught him unprepared. Still, with the mystery of their physical compatibility out of the way from the get-go, Ryo had been left with a lot of time to explore the other hiccups and perks of this interspecies endeavor.
From the occasional accident with her claws to the new possibilities her tail brought to the table, Ryo had enjoyed everything.
There was not an ounce of regret in him, but the memory of their last act lingered incessantly in his thoughts—a vivid Recollection of Elysira’s tail wrapping around his leg and letting silence prevail as his arm shyly enveloped her, allowing them to fall asleep side by side.
The one memory that held him in place, fearing their next interaction when the slightest of his movements would inevitably wake her up, mirroring what had happened all in the previous mornings.
What would she say?
Would she think that they are in a relationship now?
What would he do if the concept of casual hook ups didn't exist for the Irisians?
Ryo touched his face and shook his head, instantly deciding it was time to start his morning routine to distract him from those absurd thoughts.
The brain IO interface captured his intention, turning on the lights on the ceiling with maximum brightness, something that he was sure would wake her up at once given how sensitive to change all Irisians were.
And yet he was wrong.
Elysira’s head tilted away from the light as eyelids fluttered, but the only other thing she did before stopping moving was strengthening her grip on his leg quite a bit, making him realize that her tail had not let go of him the whole night.
Upon noticing how numb his leg felt, Ryo propelled his body upwards, intending to uncoil her tail from his leg and start his day. Hopefully, Elysira wouldn't mention what they did, and he too would be able to pretend it never happened.
However, the moment his upper body lifted from the ground and he got a full view of her body, he was unable to remove her tail from his leg, captivated by a simple but powerful sight.
With her hands inside the pockets, Elysira had used his jeans to restrain her claws, putting herself in a very uncomfortable position, likely afraid of hurting him during her sleep.
His eyes widened, dispersing his previous train of thought from existence. The hand that was supposed to be dealing with her tail moved toward Elysira's exposed neck instead, aiming to wake her up with a gentle touch.
And as if he had just perturbed the stillness of a calm lake with a stone, a barely perceptible ripple of yellow spread on her skin from the contact with his fingertips. It traveled through her neck, reaching the soft lines of her face, and even traveled down her long hair strands.
At the same time that it felt wrong to be able to take a peek at her emotions so easily, Ryo couldn't help but wonder—which other colors had the darkness stolen from him? While immersed in this question, Ryo kept caressing her neck until her eyes opened slowly, resetting all the back spots of her body at once as consciousness took control over instinct.
Elysira’s grip on his leg loosened when she realized she was overdoing it. Her gaze started scanning every inch of him, starting from the accidental scratches of her own making and unashamedly stopping at places she had not seen before.
Unbothered by her curiosity, he even removed some of the loose strands in front of her eyes and threw them behind her long ears to make her job easier, feeling some apprehension only when she lost interest and sought eye contact.
Traces of purple appeared around her black spots as she spoke. "What do you humans do after... what we did?"
Ryo winced, but his tone was gentle. "Silly girl!" He felt deep regret for how he had skipped the part of Irisian relationships in favor of politics when she was teaching him about her species. "It could be everything or nothing."
He expected some intense reaction from Elysira, but there wasn't a lot of emotion showing. As he searched her skin, he also realized he was unable to look at her the same way as before.
From seeing her small breasts, which he now knew for a fact fit on his hands, to the very memory of all evenness that he now was able to associate with the sheen her skin exhibited from certain angles, Ryo realized he had lost the ability to gauge her emotions without feeling a hint desire.
She noticed how long he was staring at her and a hint of yellow appeared. "I don't need everything, but nothing is not enough!"
How did Ryo fail to see that this conversation would inevitably happen when they were having fun at night?
"Oh!" He was unable to keep his mouth shut, which resulted in red and purple manifesting on her skin as he felt the pressure for a quick reply.
He had heard the Irisians speaking terms such as chosen, mate, and family, but Ryo didn't know much about this, and now was not looking like a good time for asking for clarification.
The translator would do its job in conveying his intention. But what would he say? Friends with benefits maybe? He gave up that one on the spot; he didn't consider their previous relationship a friendship, and somehow, he felt a dangerous desire to want more than that from her.
Under the pressure of his previous mistake, he told her the highest relationship he was willing to have without a care in the world for consulting his superiors. "Is girlfriend good for you?"
Elysira’s eyes widened as her skin maintained the same tones. But it lasted only a second before a golden hue took over, leaving little room for her black spots. "Wait, are you serious? I never thought you would consider anything more than being my exclusive pair."
"I am serious, but what's the difference?" Ryo instantly felt he could have gotten away with being just friends with benefits.
"Two differences." She took her clawed hands from the pockets of his jeans and pressed them against his neck in a fast but controlled movement. "One is implied trust." Her head approached him slower as if she would kiss him, but instead, her lips diverted toward his ears where she whispered, "And the other is a promise for the future."
"That seems alright."
As he said that, Elysira had already started taking little bites on his earlobe, her other hand joining around his neck while her tail was sneakily pushing the rest of her body on top of him.
"This will have to be quick, we-"
Ryo was about to give up the time they had for breakfast, when a powerful explosion shook the ground, causing the whole tent to vibrate.
Elysira’s pointy ears began to twitch and her body receded, trying to get of clue of what happened as she displayed purple. "I hear nothing."
"This was not far from here; I don't think it was a landslide." Ryo summoned a window with all the cameras outside and found nothing unusual, even with the infrared inspection.
Elysira could see what he was doing since they had never left the shared augmented space.
"Can we see what Amara is doing? She might know more than us."
He still was incapable of referring to her as his girlfriend even in his thoughts, but he still felt a hint of pride for her quick thinking. "Let's see."
He quickly summoned a live feed and promptly instructed the AI to go through the recordings of the whole night. "Nathan and that princess are still inside the tent. Time to go there."
Ryo wasted no time explaining, quickly standing up to begin the search for his underwear. The floor was still littered with paper sheets, and there were even some opened water bottles around, but he still found what he was looking for before pulling his jeans from under Elysira’s butt and getting dressed with haste.
He wore his shoes but didn't bother with his shirt and jacket, just taking his already loaded gun from the holster and getting some spare ammunition before heading outside cautiously.
"I'm going with you." She got out of the tent almost at the same time as him, proving that not needing clothes had its advantages.
"Stay close." He activated the infrared view mode and scanned the surroundings just to be sure, then hasted his steps towards Nathan's tent which was about forty meters ahead.
There was little he expected would go wrong on such a short journey, but Elysira’s ears began to twitch halfway through, prompting him to stop advancing. "Hear someone?"
"Something." She then used her tail to point uphill, in the direction where the rest of the group had set camp on the previous day. "I think it's a drone."
"Fuck, I hope you are wrong." He raised his 3D-printed revolver and felt like cursing more at the fact he didn't even have a proper pistol, pulling back the harmer and getting himself in front of Elysira.
Thanks to her acute hearing, when he heard the buzzing of the drone, his gun was already pointing in the right direction. Upon getting the first glimpse of the flying object and noticing how fast it was moving, he didn't hesitate to do a partial activation of combat mode.
The world slowed down for a moment, allowing him to see the device flying among the very few beams of blue light that made their way through the canopies. He didn't wait a single second and corrected his aim slightly to the left before pulling the trigger.
Bang!
The drone was torn to pieces and many parts fell about twenty-five meters away from them, at a distance that any explosives wouldn't hurt himself or Elysira.
When his eyes found her behind him, there was yellow and purple on her skin as she asked, "What if it was friendly?"
"The owner can send the bill up the chain for all I care." Ryo lowered the gun and did a full scan all around once more, only to find nothing again.
Her tail wrapped around his arm as all purple on her body disappeared, leaving only a hint of yellow. "Amara won't be happy if it was hers."
Just as Elysira spoke, a circular door opened on Nathan's tent, and Amara took a step outside with red filling her body.
Ryo pictured a scene of a princess complaining about her lost drone, but things only got more complicated instead.
Nathan emerged after her, and the pair began to argue loudly about what to do now that a war had broken out; Amara wanted to march uphill to join her guards, but Nathan held her by the tail when she was about to leave and prevented her for moving, saying it would be too dangerous.
Their argument turned into a messy mixture of the present situation with Amara sulking about a wasted night, which led Ryo to exchange a look of surprise with Elysira.
But their surprise only lasted a moment and Ryo decided he couldn't let those fools keep wasting valuable time.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
He had their attention now. "Please don't tell me you're mad because the plant lover couldn't get it up."
Under normal circumstances, Ryo had no doubt his assholish behavior would only instill shame and improve their cooperation.
However, he forgot to account that he was not wearing a shirt, leaving all his scratches exposed while Elysira was disheveled by his side, which caused Nathan's jaws to drop followed by Amara throwing an indignant gaze at Elysira and then at Nathan, who gave Ryo the feeling he might snap at any time.
"Why are you here?" Nathan's calm voice didn't match his clenched fist and rigid posture.
"Information. I want her to tell me what she knows about this war." Ryo had learned about the war by overhearing their previous argument.
Surprisingly, Amara was cooperative. "My brother's army found our position. They were not aware I was here with Nathan and ambushed the rest of my people and Zara; you destroyed their drone but if they saw us they might have a good reason to come here."
"Fuck!" He turned to Elysira and ordered. "Go back and gather my things. Take the essentials first, we are leaving."
Elysira used her tail to squeeze his arm in acknowledgment and rushed back. But when she had barely taken a few steps, she stopped as her ears moved. "More drones are coming!"
After alerting him, she ran to accomplish her task, leaving Ryo in the company of just Nathan and Amara.
"Isn't that great?" He grumbled to himself, but his voice carried loudly, obtaining the pair's attention as he raised his revolver again.
Knowing that the enemy was probably aware of their position, Ryo used infrared view mode to ensure they weren't using the drones as a distraction to pull off an ambush.
And that didn't seem to be the case when the first machine appeared, flying downwards in zigzag from the concentration of trees uphill.
Again Ryo used a partial activation of combat mode and aimed at the drone, yet this time more of them appeared, leaving the cover of the woods in groups of three until there were nine of them in total. But they didn't even try to get close this time, choosing to hover next to the canopies more than two hundred meters away from him, and assuming something akin to a structured formation.
This was extremely weird and enough of a reason for him to retreat a little, getting closer to his tent and taking cover behind a tree.
Nathan and Amara moved too, the botanist getting inside and returning with his gun while Amara's colors blended with his tent becoming hard to spot.
Assessing the new situation in an instant, Ryo concluded it would be better not to engage and retreat considering that those drones would be hard to take down at such distance. But things changed again quickly when the AI triggered a pop-up window, showing that several of the cameras he had set up in strategic places were capturing movement.
And what he was seeing now were several armed groups of Irisians heading towards their position, confirming Amara's supposition that the rebels were coming for them.
With the situation getting grimmer with every passing moment, Ryo thought of a possibility for what the drones might be doing, but his mind was still refusing to believe that the rebels could be as organized as his worst-case scenarios were giving them credit for.
To test this, he immediately tried to contact the space station through radio transmission, and since being found by the enemy was no longer an issue, he set the transmitter to maximum potency to validate his test.
Unable to establish a two-way connection.
He frowned even though that was not totally unexpected.
With only a few minutes at best before this place was filled with enemies, they would have to leave fast or they would be at the mercy of the enemy.
But first, there was something he wanted to say to Nathan, who now was using his tent for cover together with Amara. "Listen up, those fuckers are jamming our comms and they will be here at any time. Take the MLBCS and find a clearing to use it, I doubt they can interfere with the laser. Just don't forget that your immediate safety comes first or else you might not be among the living when the pod arrives."
Ryo and Nathan were technically enemies, but the last casualty in the war between Earth and Mars had happened several years in the past, ensuring that he had no reason to wish any harm for the botanist even though he didn't like him.
As for Amara, it was a little different. He hurried back to his tent without saying anything to her. And he did that not because he wished her harm, but simply because he didn't understand what she had at her disposal to offer any useful advice.
"Wait, what are you gonna do?" Nathan shouted from a distance.
With the adrenalin of seeing how many Irisians were coming helping his sincerity, he shouted back. "I'm not leaving the planet unless mission control finds a way to save Ely too."
After that, Nathan and Amara disappeared from his mind as he took cover behind his tent, slamming his hand against the foldable fabric many times to get Elysira's attention. "Hurry up, we can't stay here any longer."
She left immediately after, struggling to maintain balance as she used a hand plus her tail to carry his backpack, while her gun threatened to tumble from her gasp in her other hand.
And besides, one thing that Ryo’s eyes were immediately drawn towards was the clothes she was wearing—his clothes. While her legs were still exposed, his jacket still covered a bit more than her hips, loosely engulfing her slender frame like a billowing sail.
"I put the food and water in your backpack." She let go of the heavy item right over his feet as she put the gun on the ground and lifted her arms for him to recover his jacket and t-shirt. "You can get dressed while the tent folds."
He might have allowed her to keep the jacket if not for it being an inconvenience to her, so he just took it, making the first time he saw her wearing clothes a very short experience.
"No time for that, it won't fold with all the paper you left on the ground." He said as he swiftly slipped his arms into the sleeves of the jacket and zipped it up in one smooth movement.
Ryo was already considering which path they would take to flee when he noticed something terrible—Elysira’s skin had just been filled with gray as tiny black spots began to appear and disappear as if rain on the sand of a desert.
"What's it now?" He asked, trying to hide how unprepared he was to deal with this.
"Nothing has changed." Elysira averted her eyes. "I'm a burden to you just as I was to Amara. If I had-"
"Oh, shut up and quit the self-pity!" Ryo realized he was being too harsh, but still went on to finish it. "The paper is our mistake and I'm staying because I like you. This simple. Now get your gun and use your goddam camouflage, just like that princess is doing."
Ryo felt awful after saying this, and Elysira seemed quite taken about as she stared at him with wide eyes.
A moment later, however, she bent over and took the gun from the ground, her exterior blending quite well with the surroundings.
Ryo felt bad for her, but now there was no time to talk. "We run now, let's go."
The sound of his own steps was all he heard as they were putting some distance from the tent, making it so that he had to check on Elysira every couple of steps he took to ensure she was following him.
It was only when he heard some gunshots from far behind that he felt her claws tugging at his jacket from behind. "I hope Nathan is like you."
***
This was an account based on what Ryo did during the first hour of the war. The previous narrative is based on the events of the morning of the twentieth day of the exploratory mission of Irisa. According to your current settings, no queries will be suggested.
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Here's a post of mine from 2017

I'm in.
Hard mode
Indefinitely
My goal is to regain, no find myself. PMO'ing since the age of 12. I'm 27 now. Porn fucked up my life. No more!
Today is one year after my attempted OD. The catalyst was my girlfriend of five years leaving me and me screwing up my career as a firefighter. I was broken then and I'm still broken now. I blame PMO and porn in general. Insanity is repeating the same cycle and expecting a different result. Time to break this cycle.
Post end
^{How naive I was}

Back story with context

I now know my addiction started with MO at the age of 5. I used to do that on a daily basis to self soothe and it didn't help that I discovered what can be done with an electric massager. See my parents got divorced the first time around about then, they remarried each other, only to get divorced again. Mom remarried a abusive alcoholic, moved to my absent father and verbally abusive stepmother, all this before turning 14. Looking back I can see I was neglected and found my own coping mechanisms. Smoking cigarettes, weed and alcohol since 13, other drugs soon followed at 16, whatever I could get my hands on.
Note all my compulsive and addictive behaviours were actively being pursued in some form or another throughout my story, I merely set the stage with the background.
At 19 I lost my virginity to a broken and hurt girl that was on average banging 4 guys a week, she literally had to take off her clothes and ask me whilst naked 'What are you waiting for?' I was so inept and socially awkward. After two hours of furiously boning because I couldn't finish, I snuck back to my room only to jerk off. I recall thinking to myself was that it? Was all the hype about that? Needles to say this girl went and 'cheated' on me after a week, left me a tad embittered.
At 21 I somehow got my first girlfriend, she had been raised by her grandparents because both her parents had tragically died in two separate freak accidents, she had proper traditional values, real wivey material. Wanted to wait until marriage. None of it mattered much to me, I knew what I wanted and at 21 it certainly wasn't a wife. She was studying nursing and I was a firefighter, we were both renting, me with friends, her in a student commune. We started occasionally sleeping over at each other, very innocently at first just making out, cuddling and talking.
post deleted
She took the sheets with to wash and made a hasty retreat, I went to work in a cold sweat, post clarity had never been so fucking surreal nor had it ever garnered so much self loathing.
What had I done.
Later that day she messaged and asked me over where she gave me a hand written letter, front and back, tear stains and little hearts. In it written how beautiful it was, how much she loves me and how no-one can ever find out.
I felt physically sick.
What had I done.
We secretly moved in together and what followed was five years of a co-dependant relationship where she grew to hate me and I went progressively deeper into the abyss of porn.
In the interim my father passed away from cancer, I DUI'd and totalled into a young married couple, got arrested, went to a 'Stress clinic' and broke up with my girlfriend out of guilt. Quickly got back together and a few months later she mercifully broke up with me. I was just so weak. Maybe she just woke from being disillusioned, maybe she grew out of her naivety, maybe my addictions just followed their natural conclusion, maybe PTSD and tragedy got the better of me. She got a new boyfriend, I almost got a restraining order. (She withdrew the case in the judges chamber's on condition I NEVER contact her again) In short succession I slept with multiple partners, a few times while blackout drunk, a few one night stands and I left a wake of pain, regret, broken hearts and shame. All consensual.
Finally I tried to OD on sleeping pills, went back to the 'Stress clinic' and whilst there someone dear called and told me that to gain my life I had to give it away. Found religion or it found me, resigned from the Fire brigade.
Footnote~ The ex got married and became a mother sometime during, heard it through the grapevine.
She'll never have to see me again as per her wishes.
Learnt about NoFap {insert original post}
I moved a couple of states over, away from everything I had broken and everyone I'd hurt. Went on a journey, forgave myself, hated myself, loathed myself, forgave myself again, went on another journey. The whole time PMO and MO came and went.
Streaks came and went. Depression stayed and dark thoughts came back like a long lost friend but I kept on crawling towards the light, towards freedom.
FFW to now
I'm cold turkey from substances and on a 18 day streak. I've come to realise you can't run from this demon and this fight is worth fighting head on. PAWS or Post-accute Withdrawal Syndrome is real and even with my longer streaks I've only been kicking the can further and further down the road by occasionally binge relapsing.
I haven't been in a relationship nor have I had sex since the fallout. Real intimacy absolutely terrifies me and I suffer from anxiety and depressive episodes.
But there's hope!
I've been seeing a life coach, exercising and spending more time with friends and family, joined a men's prayer and accountability group. To go fast go alone, to go far go with others and I'm in it for the long haul.
The penny's dropped.
I can tell something has changed.
I'm coming back to life.
3 months ago I met a girl on a online dating platform, absolutely way out of my league, someone who's beautiful inside and out. I'll be meeting her for the first time this Friday and we'll be spending the weekend together, in a social setting.
I'm excited yet apprehensive. I don't want to place her on a pedestal but I want to treat her like a queen. We're only meeting and nothing intimate will happen, both of us want to wait until we're married be it with one another or someone else. But darn I'm excited. I want to hope again. I want to love and be loved.
I want to live again.
tl:dr

1. Porn can mess you up and the abyss is deeper than you can imagine.
   
2. Addiction is not about the substance but rather underlying behaviours and coping mechanisms.
   
3. Circumstances nor your past should determine your future.
   
4. There's alway's hope!
   

im gonna go into full explicit detail about everything that happened from a-z. and i want opinions
i met this guy at a social event and we clicked instantly (as friends because i had another bf at the time and hes gonna become relevant in the story). lets just call the guy at the event john and lets call my ex alex. me and alex broke up about 3 days after i met john and i started to develop feelings for john. me and alex ended up trying to “talk things out” even tho i was just attached and wanted the attachment to wear off. so we were “talking” but we werent exclusive and had no boundaries and i knew i was eventually going to cut alex off because i didnt see a future with him, i just was attached because we had memories and he was my first ever boyfriend
me and john liked each other, on october 7th we kissed. and about 4 days later i met up with alex and “hooked up” which i later found out he sexually assaulted me
i was avoiding john because the entire situation was hard on me and i was tired of having to choose because i was the first girl john ever liked and i felt bad about kissing him and i DIDNT want a relationship (at the time) slowly, john blocked me because he had enough and thats when i realized i didnt want alex anymore. i cut alex off for john. john asked me if i met up with alex after me and him kissed and i said no because my god forsaken self fucking forgot, as much as it sounds like an excuse, its not. i had no memory of seeing alex after me and john kissed. and so me and john started to become exclusive after we met up and talked things out. i told him i didnt see alex after me and john kissed.
we dated and we were so happy until we broke up for a few days because he wasnt ready for a relationship, we got back together and we were happy.
theres the part where i start to fuck up. and i wont deny a single thing i did
theres a guy named eric, or at least we will call him that. i used to “like” eric, not even like i just thought he was cute. nothing too deep. im friends with his girlfriend and she trusts me enough because she knows i feel nothing for him, but she trusts me to come to me whenever they have issues in the relationship because she KNOWS its nothing like that
theres another guy named timmy, timmy and eric go to the same school so theyre in the same class. timmy is spreading shit rumors about me and its no fucking rumor anyone could ignore. it was a rumor where i had a “sex tape”, have 3 bodies, and had sex with john even tho non of it is fucking true. it was getting so bad my friends were getting dms saying “your little friend had sex with her boyfriend and i have proof”. it was so fucking bad. not to mention, im a minor and i live in a small fucking country shit gets spread so fast here. and so i would go to eric as ask him about timmy because i was gonna take legal action against timmy because it was going so fucking far. and john didnt like that. because he knew i used to “like” eric. which i fucking didnt and i just thought the dude was good looking lol
and so i would only speak to eric to ask about timmy and i would let john know about. except this one god forsaken time where i didnt show a fucking continuation of a conversation and he got so mad he started threatening to break up with me
keep in mind, im an anxious attachment and im pretty sure john is avoidant even tho in the relationship he was surely an anxious so i dont know cause we havent spoken in a fucking month lmao
we both are borderline by the way.
so this is a part where i fuck up
the reason why i use the name eric is because eric is like someone who associates himself with eric cartmen from south park, he makes him his entire personality and its just a joke between him and everyone 😭 as immature as it sounds, i dressed up as eric cartmen for characters day in school and i showed eric the outfit because i thought it was funny and didnt think anything of it. i didnt show john but i didnt hide it from him either because i know john would go through my phone and i didnt see anything wrong with what i did, until he went through my phone and saw the chat, keep in mind, i do delete chats with my friends sometimes because i dont want john to see some things because of privacy, not out relationship, but between me and a specific few girls he doesnt like and doesnt want me to be friends with
and so he saw the message and got upset, and i took the hint that this guy just doesnt want me to interact w eric at all and i understood but i understood him way too fucking late and he broke up with me
which for some reason my dumbass was shocked even tho he made it clear that he didnt want me speaking to john so this is where i realized i fucked up
i took it as a lesson and learned to not do it again but i was too late
me and john break up and i wanted him back badly. an hour after the breakup i started posting on my story about a random guy that i made up and acted like i liked him to piss off john and make him jealous which was a bad fucking idea
to me, the more someone doesnt want me, the more i want them. thats how i thought it was
and he found out and got pissed off. he ended up texting alex and found out i met up with alex after me and john kissed. but no one was aware that i was actually sexually assaulted by alex and i found out later because my friend went through the same thing. me and john stayed talking to see if we could work it out and i fucked up by telling him to stop basing our relationship over something from the past that happened over 8 months ago. he got pissed and blocked me
i later found out he followed back the girl he told me not worry about and said he didnt know why he was attracted to her but at same time would say “i dont know if shes actually pretty or if im trying to move on” (as in move on from me) i got so fucking pissed, i texted the girl w my friend we and told her that john was using her and a rebound. john found out, threatened to ruin my life and was so fucking mad over it, but i later then realized he just thought she was pretty and didnt want her like that. i ended up apologizing to john because i wanted him back but it didnt work because he was standing on business lmfao
during this time, my friend told me he would always consider going back to me and missed me and loved me so much. and john did love me. a LOT. he bought me flowers, a ring, everything. like he did everything for me and he did love me so deeply
and now we havent spoken over a month and its slowly killing me because my friend who was close with him said he was dead set with his decision n doesnt wanna get back with me. i dont know if this will change because right now he has new priorities like studies since hes graduating soon. but right now, he seems dead set with his decision even tho his biggest fear was losing me. i saw the way he would talk about me and we were so deeply in love.
but john thinks i cheated on him with what happened with alex. my friend told him he sexually assaulted me but it was very vague and he doesnt know the details.
i was johns first love. first EVERYTHING. we broke up march 18 and last spoke april 19 where he thought i was shit talking him and i proved i wasnt. he later said he was worried about me but right now he doesnt seem to care.
please dont tell me to “let him go”. if u have any other opinions on what u think will happen and if he will come back please let know because i really want him back. my family friend who is a psychic told me he was coming back if this helps lol.
let me know if u guys think hes coming back. this is all fresh but yea.

Here's a post of mine from 2017

I'm in.
Hard mode
Indefinitely
My goal is to regain, no find myself. PMO'ing since the age of 12. I'm 27 now. Fucked up my life. No more!
Today is one year after my attempted suicide. The catalyst was my girlfriend of five years leaving me and me screwing up my career as a firefighter. I was broken then and I'm still broken now. I blame PMO and porn in general. Insanity is repeating the same cycle and expecting a different result. Time to break this cycle.
^{How naiive I was}

Back story with context

I now know my addiction started with MO at the age of 5. I used to do that on a daily basis to self soothe and it didn't help that I discovered what can be done with an electric massager. See my parents got divorced the first time around about then, they remarried each other, only to get divorced again. Mom remarried a abusive alcoholic, moved to my absent father and verbally abusive stepmother, all this before turning 14. Looking back I can see I was neglected and found my own coping mechanisms. Smoking cigarettes, weed and alcohol since 13, other drugs soon followed at 16, whatever I could get my hands on. Opiates, hallucinogens, psychoactives, stimulants, depressants, inhalants if it could be abused chances are I would and have, fortunately not crack or needles, it blessedly somehow never crossed my path but the rest was fair game when it did and I was always on the prowl for something new or a quick fix.
Note all my compulsive and addictive behaviours were actively being pursued in some form or another throughout my story, I set the stage with the background but nothing I've done is justifiable.
At 19 I lost my virginity to a broken girl that was on average banging 4 guys a week, she literally had to take off her clothes and ask me whilst naked 'what am I waiting for?' I was so inept and socially awkward. After two hours of furiously boning because I couldn't finish, I snuck back to my room only to jerk off. I recall thinking to myself was that it? Was all the hype about that? Needles to say this girl went and 'cheated' on me after a week, left me a tad embittered.
At 21 I somehow got my first girlfriend, 18 straight out of school she had been raised by her grandparents because both her parents had tragically died in two separate freak accidents, she had proper traditional values, real wivey material. Wanted to wait for her big day. None of it mattered much to me as I started the process to groom her over the course of 3 months. I knew what I wanted and at 21 it certainly wasn't a wife. She was studying nursing and I was a firefighter, we were both renting, me with friends, her in a student commune. We started occasionally sleeping over at each other, very innocently at first just making out, cuddling and talking.(explicit)>! Progressively I moved towards groping and heavy petting. Until one morning after a house party at my place. I woke up with a boner and her snuggling up against me. I had had enough of waiting. I won't try to sugarcoat it or gloss over it or paint it pretty.!<
She said no.
More than once.
My mind went into that blank primal space of no return, the same space it would go with porn. I forced myself on-top of her and I raped her.
She took the sheets with to wash and made a hasty retreat, I went to work in a cold sweat, post clarity had never been so fucking surreal nor had it ever garnered so much self loathing.
What had I done.
Later that day she messaged and asked me over where she gave me a hand written letter, front and back, tear stains and hearts. In it written how beautiful it was, how much she loves me and how no-one can ever find out. I felt physically sick.
We moved in together and what followed was five years of a co-dependant relationship where she grew to hate me and I went progressively deeper into the abyss of porn. Maybe she just woke from being disillusioned, maybe she grew out of her naiivety and maybe my addictions just followed their natural conclusion, maybe PTSD and tragedy got the better of me.
In the interim my father passed away from cancer, I DUI'd and totalled into a young married couple, got arrested, went to a mental institute and broke up with my girlfriend. Got back together and she mercifully broke up with me. I was just so weak. She got a new boyfriend, I almost got a restraining order. (She withdrew the case in the judges chamber's on condition I NEVER contact her again) In short succession I slept with multiple partners, a few times while blackout drunk, a few one night stands and I left a wake of pain, regret, broken hearts and shame. All consensual.
Finally I tried to OD on sleeping pills, went back to the mental institute and whilst there someone dear called and told me that to gain my life I had to give it away. Found religion, resigned from the Fire brigade.
Footnote~ The ex got married and became a mother sometime during, heard it through the grapevine. She'll never have to see me again, that was her wish and one I will gladly grant.
Learn about NoFap {insert above post}
I fled a couple of states over, away from everything I had broken and everyone I'd hurt. Went on a journey, forgave myself, hated myself, loathed myself, forgave myself again, went on another journey. The whole time PMO and MO come and go.
Streaks came and went. Depression stayed and suicidal thoughts came back like a long lost friend.
FFW to now
I'm cold turkey from substances and on a 18 day streak. I've come to realise you can't run from this demon. PAWS or Post-accute Withdrawal Syndrome is real and even with my longer streaks I've only been kicking the can further and further down the road by occasionally binge relapsing.
I haven't been in a relationship nor have I had sex since the fallout. Real intimacy absolutely terrifies me and I suffer from anxiety and depressive episodes.
But there's hope, I hope
I've been seeing a life coach, exercising and spending more time with friends and family and I've joined a men's prayer and accountability group.
The penny's dropped.
I can tell something has changed.
I'm coming back to life.
3 months ago I met a girl on a online dating platform, absolutely way out of my league, someone who's beautiful inside and out. I'll be meeting her for the first time this Friday and we'll be spending the weekend together, in a social setting.
I'm excited yet apprehensive. I don't want to place her on a pedestal but I want to treat her like a queen. We're only meeting and nothing intimate will happen, both of us want to wait until we're married be it with one another or someone else. But darn I'm excited. I want to hope again. I want to love and be loved.
I want to live again.
tl:dr

1. Porn can mess you up and the abyss is deeper than you can imagine.
2. Addiction is not about the substance but rather underlying behaviours and coping mechanisms.
3. Circumstances nor your past should determine your future.
4. There's alway's hope!

My girlfriend and I had been happily (or so I thought) living together for six months in an apartment then another 6 in a rented house (with 6 months left and no way to cut the lease). We fought very little in that time, we had chemistry like crazy, and we supported one another in our respective careers. We’d take care of each other when we were sick and do anything for each other. We’d go on trips with respective family and both sides were asking when I’d pop the question. And it was soon, I was starting to look for engagement rings. We would regularly talk about what our wedding will be like, the honeymoon, how we’ll raise kids, etc. The only time we had tension was when I went a little too far on my drinking, we would occasionally get crossways when I went too far. This happened maybe three or four times over the course of the 2 year relationship. Bear in mind I’m 5’ 3” and 140 lbs sopping wet, so alcohol works fast on me, hangovers were a regular occurrence over the weekends. She seemingly put up with it and even when I’d say I need to stop, or actively try to stop, she’d just say “as long as you’re not driving.” She’d drink with me often, but she’d stop much sooner than me. It was steadily getting more frequent, to the point I’d sometimes be too hung over to work in the office and instead work from home (I work in IT).

One weekend we were hosting her best friend and her husband visiting from out of town and her husband and I have become really good friends. Trouble is he’s a big fellow nearly 300lbs who can put a 12 pack away in an hour and I have a habit of trying to keep pace with other drinkers. On the last night they were here, we got some beers and hung out, but me and the husband got way too carried away with our drinking playing music and talking loud, we were up in the early morning being loud enough for my girlfriend to hear everything and she never got sleep that night. We finally wrapped up, I got in bed with her and proceeded to throw up everywhere. She promptly kicked me to the couch (rightfully so). The next day she was furious with me (again rightfully so) and wouldn’t come home until that night, she wouldn’t talk to me. I figured she just needed time to cool off and I needed to take my sobriety seriously this time.

The next day was filled with tension when we got home. After some awkward conversation, I finally asked “Are you still mad?” and she responded, “I’m not mad…I’m just done. We’re done. We’re roommates now. Maybe we’ll get back together by September [the end of our lease], maybe not. You talk about having kids and family, but you act like a teenager! I just can’t do this with you anymore!” She then ran to her room to cry, I was heated and ready to beg but knew better than to do that, so I left and went for a walk around the neighborhood to cool off before I said something stupid and totally ruin my chances. I was totally blindsided, but I was able to step away and think. When I came back she was making dinner, as calmly as I could, taking a more negotiating tone than a begging one, I said “Can you give me one more chance? We’ve built up so much together, I was so excited about our future together, I love you, I love your family and I’m willing to give up my drinking for this. I’m going to stop.” Her response “It’s not like I’m moving out with another guy tomorrow, so what’s the plan, how is this going to be different?” I said “I’m not just stopping for myself now, now I know I have others being affected with my future with you on the line. I’m going to get counseling.” Her: “You’re so good at telling people things they want to hear, you bold faced lied to your parents and your pasture that we weren’t living together [NOTE: I have very conservative parents and church so I lied to them about me living alone rather than with her, that never sat right with her], so you understand how I can’t really believe anything you say right now?” I said I do and that I will get professional help and that the lying will stop, that it’s a cowardly thing to do and that. I moved into the guest bedroom.

The following weekend, I decided to go to my hometown and stay a couple nights with my parents. I told my folks everything, our living situation, the history of our living situation, and my alcohol problems. My parents forgave me and assured me that she’ll likely come back around, just give it time. When I got back home, I told her “I’ve told my folks everything, they know. The lies are coming down. I’m also going to tell my pasture everything, I’m also getting help for my alcoholism. I’m going to get things cleared up and I’d like to pick things up where we left off if you’re willing. And whether we work out ultimately or not, I want to thank you for making me realize how bad a problem I have and I’m sorry I had to hurt you to realize that.” She responded, “I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to where we were, but you had bad labs [CONTEXT: I had a kidney transplant and get frequent labs done to check my health status], you were shaking all day Sunday (the day before we broke up), and you STILL did what you did that night! When you got sick I thought ‘Oh my God, this is how he’s going to die.’” I told her I am doing this for my health, told her about the audiobook I’m listening to about all the health effects alcohol has, and that I hope through this maybe we can reconcile, but I don’t expect an answer anytime soon so no pressure. We then went back to watching TV together.

Things remained a little cold, but over time we’ve warmed up. My car broke down a few days later and she was very proactive about helping to drive me around and we started laughing together, flirting a bit, restoring the chemistry we had before. Even on my birthday, she bought me a cupcake and took me to my favorite restaurant. At nights when I’m a little quiet or go to bed early, she’ll knock on my bedroom door and ask if I’m ok. I also have been proactive around the house doing little things for her like making coffee for her before she gets up and I have to go to work or working on the garden (something I’d never do during my “buy-beer-watch-TV” cycle). We watch movies together again and get food together and run errands with each other, she’ll even point at places saying “we need to check [that place] out sometime!” It still gets a little tense when we go to bed, as we’re still sleeping in separate beds. She’s also been planning solo trips on weekends, which she didn’t do before. I’ve been ensured by many friends and family (including some on her side) that she’ll come back around. I haven’t drank at all since then (29 days) and I’m about to meet with a one on one therapist while I’ve been attending AA meetings to help myself and to give each of us some space and a little time apart.
We are back to talking like we did before, joking around, watching movies together, etc. but she still wants to do a lot of stuff without me now, but again understandable I suppose. Does this sound like we’ll be “just friends” from now on? Anyone else been in this situation? I’ve already stated to her my intention to change and she’s seeing that I'm taking the first steps in making those changes. I ask because she did seem to keep a window open for us to come back. Again I know this is EXTREMELY early to tell....it just hurts so much with her this close, but so far away at the same time, this is honestly just torture....and it’s all my dumbass fault…

I've posted this last year and some things happened which made me quite proud and I'd like to share how things went. So recap and then update:
So... When I was little, I lived with my mom and stepdad, things were great and we were very happy. Then my mom passed when I was 7y, so I moved with my father and stepmom, things were complicated. Currently, I have no contact with him (he's not a good man nor a good dad), and I live with my aunt (since 2018) and her husband (he came along in 2019).
Me and my aunt had an amazing relationship, she was my favourite aunt and all that. However, things started to go wrong when I started living with her, I made the mistake of answering that yes, I wanted to be treated like her daughter along with her 2 sons (one my age and the other 3 years younger). I had a desperate "need" for a mothefather. She became a kind of "maunt" (mother+aunt), and her husband a "stepdad"... Oh how do I regret this
Well, she has a favourite son, the oldest. He's lazy, arrogant, disrespectful, a typical golden boy who got spoiled his whole life and now he doesn't give a damn about anything other than himself.
For being the other woman in the house, she constantly pushes house chores to me, instead of the boys (subconsciously, i believe), pretty much only asks me about things, where her sons are, if the dogs were fed, if the boys cleaned well whatever room they were supposed to, stuff like that, and she's also constantly very, very rude to me (at the point of her husband arguing with her about it). And I got this whole syndrome of everything being my responsibility and anxiety when it comes to her, which became extremely exhausting over the years.
I came out to her about my bissexuality about 4 years ago, i thought she would take it well. She didn't. She masks her disapproval, but she clearly doesn't like it. I was really let down, I genuinely thought she would be supportive and everything we expect, but she first got confused, then annoyed and has said some very hurtful thing over the years. Currently I have a gf (she's 22 years old), we've been dating for over a year. They don't like each other very much, my gf doesn't like her because of all the things she does to me. And my aunt doesn't care about my gf at all because... well, she a girl.
Ok, that's the context. Now here's what happened.
My aunt send some kind of agressive messages over something silly, and that caused my anxiety on fire for the gazillionth time, only that time I had enough. I called my other aunt (by consideration, she's married to my grandad) and asked for help (she knows everything that goes on), if i could move in with them, she said yes. I then replied my aunt with a text saying i had enough and would move in with my grandad. She got upset and said (among other things) that "i had her blessing to leave, even though i didn't ask for it". She called my grandma (we are very close), and my grandma sent me some awful audios of how disappointed she was, how I made my aunt sad, of what would people think, that i used to be such a sweet girl and now this, of how loving is a choice and i chose not to love my aunt, stuff like that. Aunt and her husband went to dinner with my grandad that night without my presence, and told them we had an amazing relationship, that she didn't knew what happened, that my problem was I couldn't take a "no" for an answer, etc.
Two days later, we sat down to talk, she told me to start, I said all I wanted. She then started saying how that kind of thing should not have been adressed through text (which I agree, but I had to text or I'd freak out), that she was harder on me than the boys because (in another words) the world was rough and she loved me the most.
And then her husband also spoke about how he understands both sides and blablabla, and said that i could go to my grandad, but that they felt like i should understand that i would only go because THEY allowed, if they didn't wanted, i would not go, no matter what my grandparents or aunt (grandad's wife) said. He basically wanted to state their power position.
(Since my mother's death, my whole family on her side feel responsible for me, so i see all of them in the same way. None of them are my mom and dad, they are in the same "level" to me and have the same "right"... Him saying that made me burn inside, like they're entitled to me, I don't belong to them or anyone. They're my aunt and "uncle", that's about it, they think they have something on me that they... Don't)
And then my aunt said that I could go, as long as I told my grandad about my sexuality and girlfriend. Now... He's kind of old fashioned and i'm scared he'll reject me... We have an amazing relationship, I have lunch with them every wednesday, and I'm the closest grandkid he has (the others aren't so invested). So I don't know if I tell him the truth and manage to leave (depending on his reaction) or if I don't risk it and stay in the toxic enviroment i'm in.
UPDATE - 14/05/2024
Hello! So, things got much worse before they got better. Let's give them names so the story telling will be easier, let's call my girlfriend Bea, my aunt Leah, her husband James and my "aunt" (my grandad's wife) Rachel.
I basically swallowed my anger because I couldn't bring mysef to speak to my grandad about my sexuality, my grandparents are the most important people in my life as they've always been there for me and I was terrified to be disliked by him. That was until december.
Early december I was leaving for work and before I left, I tried to "notify" my aunt that Bea would be spending Christmas and New Years with me and my siblings (note: my siblings had been looking forward to her being there, specially my brother and my SIL (Luke and Lyla), they made it a question that she'd go. I have 3 paternal siblings, so there's NO relation between them and my aunt Leah. We'd be staying in a city 3 hours away from mine at my brother and SIL's house, every year we do this). She immediately said "you know I don't like this", I said "yes", she then said "good morning" and I left for college.
The next morning, I was eating before going to work and Leah started talking about it and we started a conversation that developed into a fight. She said things like how dare I "notify" her, how that's not how things work and that it would not happen because THEY (she and James) don't feel confortable with this, how THEY think Luke wouldn't like this because "no one likes to have people over for a week" (he and Lyla were super pumped for Bea to go), how THEY don't know my girlfriend enough (come on, we had been dating for over a year already), how THEY wouldn't like me going with her to a stranger's house (in complete disregard to my point of view, it's my freaking brother, whom they met a couple times btw, not a stranger. But to them, the only meaninful point of view was theirs). She had even called my brother to basically "check my story", like?? She also said that we we're only teenagers (seriously, 22 and 20) , and I said "no, she isn't and neither am I!", she said she didn't say Bea was, I then said "and neither am I", she said I was, because I didn't act like and adult, then I got mad and talked about how I do literally everything around the house, always walk the dogs even when I get home tired at 10PM, even though they got there at 7PM, I help with groceries purchase, pay the water bill, clean the house, do the chores her boys lack to do, and when I'm not home, I'm either at work or college, but when she disagrees about something, she just puts me back in the "teenager box". And in the end, she said that my raising was not like this, this made me laugh in anger inside, she's been with me for 5 years, I'm 20 lol.
So that was it, I left for work and got a text from her, apologizing for being rough, saying that she loved me and wanted it to work, that they wanted to talk to me when I got home. I replied saying the same.
Later that day when we were all home, we gathered in the living room, I was literally against the wall and it intimidated me deeply. James started saying how much they loved me and wanted to see me happy, as they want that for all their children (aunt Leah has 2 boys, my cousins, and James has 3 girls). I then talked and expressed how I was feeling, then Leah started talking and basically said in a nicer tone the same things she said earlier, plus how they want me to be happy and want things to work for me, but they think it's too soon, they believe it's not the right time, they they, and therefore, despite being against what they want, I could take Bea, but only in ONE of the two holidays, which I could choose. I was in a bit of a shock (you see, me and Bea had bought the bus tickets a while earlier), had no support, against the wall, I was feeling purely defeated and tired, I only said "Christmas then...", she then said we would sleep in separate rooms and would not go on the 22th after work because "she had already allowed an extra night by allowing her to stay there until the 25th". I stayed in silence, they asked if there was anything I'd like to add, I said no. It wasn't a conversation, in no moment did they actually listened and considered me, they had their minds set way before we sat to talk. I went to my room and rolled all night in pure anxiety. This was thursday
Friday I was a wreck and went to Bea's house to check on her (she was sick that week) and to talk to her about what happened. She noticed something was off, I told her, she got mad and sad, we cried, etc. I went home feeling awful, my anxiety had been 100% all day long and I was in a really bad place and feeling deeply frustrated.
Saturday I woke up worse and decided that I had enough and was not having that anymore. I went outside and called grandad, talked about how I wasn't feeling well and asked what did he think about me leaving home, he said that their doors were always open and that I could just tell my aunt that "I was going to live with my grandad and that was it". I reframed the question asking what he though about me leaving to live alone, he then got worried and said that he didn't think that was necessary, that I had them and didn't need to do that. He then asked me to come over and talk to him and aunt Rachel. I accepted and told aunt Leah I'd sleep at grandad's.
I got there and ate a bit because I didn't want them extra worried, although I felt like throwing up at every bite. Everyone went to sleep and so did I. I woke up a bit later feeling worst, that's when I started to throw up, there was barely anything in my stomach and all I could do was throw up.
The next morning I was better and had already told aunt Rachel about what had happened, she found it absurd how things went (she had met Bea a while back and they clicked very well) and was upset about the things aunt Leah said. I decided to talk to grandad, I couldn't disappear with the subject again, specially now that he was worried sick about me.
So... I sat on the couch and told him what was happening, explained everything, told him that I'm like his stepson's MIL (she's married to a woman. It was the easiest way I found to introduce the topic), told him everything. He asked what I wanted him to do about it, I said that I just wanted him to still love me the same and remain normal with me, that I am still the same person and have always been this way, he just didn't knew about it, but that it changes nothing about me. Aunt Rachel then joined us and asked what he was thinking about it (she knows everything and is amazing to me), he said he wasn't pleased, but that it was my life and he had no say in it and that I should do what's right for me, said that if I wasn't gonna change, then neither would he. But basically, he got much more worried about my mental health than my sexuality, he said that the doors were still open and always would be for me, that he thought I needed a home and thinks they can offer me that. Aunt Rachel said that they wouldn't be obsessive after me, demanding to know every step I take and bossing everything like Leah did, that I have my graduation, I work, make my own money, am responsible, have my own life and am not a child, I'm a 20 year old adult and they would treat me as such.
So that was it. I went back "home" muchhh more confident and waited until nightfall because everyone was having a good time and I didn't want to spoil that. I realized aunt Leah and James were awake and went to talk to them, and that, my friends, is when hell went loose.
I started by saying I talked to my grandad about Bea and my sexuality, Leah asked how it went and I said it was great. Then I said they could talk to him (since they wanted to "decide" with him about my going), she said ok and asked when I wanted to go, I said that it could be in the same week since I was on vacation from college, she frowned, stood firmly and said "you know this won't change our decision about the holidays, right?" then it went boom, I said I didn't agree with them and that it wasn't right for them to dictate about such things. Told them their values and beliefs don't have to be mine, Leah asked "WHY NOT?", then I replied "because I have my own!".
Told them they were controlling and that made their kids lie to them, that since they liked to compare raisings (they criticized Bea's mom's raising because she gives her kids freedom to live their lives and fully trusts), then fine, I went on to say how Bea and her mom have an amazing relationship, full of love and trust, how Bea turned up great, works hard, just made it to psicology at university, helps immensely at home, and so has her sister. As for theirs? They raised their kids poorly, they are overbearing and that makes their kids not trusting them and lying a lot because of this necessity of them to control everything. I stated that the raising they gave their children was not my own, that I had multiple raisings and that no, they didn't "raise" me, I'm 20 and they've been with me for 5 years. Said that was clear, just look at the difference between me and her boys (I won't delve into this bit because it's not relevant, but the difference is nitid).
They said I couldn't take a no for an answer and that was my dad's fault, I said they didn't know what they were talking about, I know how it actually went whilst they made a story in their heads and believe it's the truth, since I knew how my dad used to tell my family one thing and do another.
They (again) said they wouldn't treat me like an adult because I did nothing to behave like one, I said that they didn't treat me as I deserved and they would always put me in the "teenager box" whenever I acted differently to what they thought was right (but I was adult enough to lend James almost 1k without Leah's knoledge lol).
She obviously tried to blame Bea, saying she was putting things in my head and that the last conversation was fine and now I was throwing a fit, I said that I said nothing else then because I felt cornered and realized it wasn't a conversation, it was them simulating one only to tell me what they were going to all along.
I told them they didn't know Bea because they didn't want to and I wasn't confortable bringing her as it was an enviroment unwelcoming to her, she then asked if i would go another year like this until I "felt confortable", I said yes, if that's what it took, that I didn't really need to introduce anyone if I didn't felt comfortable to it.
She once demanded to go meet Bea, after throwing a fit at my BIRTHDAY because Bea planned a day for me and my MIL wanted to make me lunch and they weren't invited, it was super uncomfortable. My aunt described this day as uncomfortable, in this argument I said "and about that day you guys met Bea and her mom? It was uncomfortable? OF COURSE it was, I TOLD you it would be! I told you that was barging in and no one wanted it!". Which Leah said that no, that wasn't the uncomfortable part, the uncomfortable was how Bea was "daring her, being all over me and kissing me in front of her, that she had to be respected!".... Lol, the being "all over me" was me shaking from the anxiety and Bea holding me to keep me in my feet, the "kissing" was ONE greeting kiss. And Bea did nothing "daring" towards Leah, believe me, if she had, aunt Leah would definitely know lol.
At the end, they asked if I was taking Bea, I said, yes, Leah said no, since she called my brother and told him how "things would go down" (amazes me everytime I remember this, she wanted to dictate how the holidays would go IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE). Lol, my brother was just texting me saying how Bea could go spend the whole holiday and we'd just say she left after Christmas. So it wasn't a very good argument on Leah's end. I said it was my business and I was sorry, but it was MY brother, MY family, MY relationship, MY life, and it wasn't up for them to dictate on it, they shouldn't feel comfortable or uncomfortable since it had NOTHING to do with them, and that my family who mattered in this were not only comfortable but very excited for Bea's presence.
I told them I knew I wasn't wrong since grandad and aunt Rachel agreed with me, so they could go ahead and talk to them if they wanted to. They ended up showing me their tumb and I left for my room.
Aunt Leah left to grandad's house in like, 5 minutes, cried to him and all. She got back, went in my room and in an ironic tone, said "sorry, I know I'm not your mother, stay with your raisings, I'm just glad and relieved my father wasn't as ok as you thought (her saying this seriously hurt me), he accepted for reasons ans beliefs he has, so go ahead and pack your bags this week, you're free to go. Sorry for the flaws, I was trying to get it right, be careful when you take that sticker off, don't ruin the painting." aaand she left.
The next day, grandad came and we took 90% of my stuff and I started officially living with him and aunt Rachel. Christmas was a bit awkward (my maternal family does this early Christmas so everyone's free on the 24th), but I was glooming feeling like the weight of the world had left my shoulders.
So... I went with Bea to spend the holidays with my family, my siblings, my SIL's parents and even my 1 year old nephew absolutely adored Bea, they now ask about her even before asking about me lol. My paternal grandmother loved her and was amazing, told my aunt (her daughter) that Bea was adorable and loving. It was amazing and I cannot imagine 2023 Christmas and New Year without Bea with us, she added sooo much.
Recently we've been to Luke's and Lyla's at Easter and made Easter eggs together, watched movies, went out, went to a family gathering where Bea, my uncles, cousins and grandmother (who was really happy to see her since Bea couldn't go to her birthday because she had to work) all got along really well.
We see each other frequently, living with grandad and aunt Rachel has been amazing, I'm finally gaining weight! MANY people have noticed it and it quite frankly scared me a bit, I had no idea it was so evident. But yeah, I'm doing great!
Grandad isn't ready to deal with this, so we don't talk about it. He doesn't like it and doesn't really understands, but he's doesn't meddle. Grandma (maternal) texted these days wanting to meet Bea (finally!), since she found out through aunt Rachel that me and Bea are still together and going strong for 1 year and a half already. I think she took it seriously now.
Anyway, it was hell, lol. But things turned out alright! Thank you for the people who commented in my first post, it was nice reading the comments and taking the options into consideration!

As many people in North America did on Sunday, we celebrated Mother’s Day. We stayed in, my husband, daughter and stepson, and watched movies and had snacks. The day was pretty relaxed and comfortable. Syepson had to go back to his moms for supper, my husband took him late afternoon. Then my husband and I made a big family dinner and his parents and our oldest son and his girlfriend came to enjoy with us. Mother’s Day has always been a strange day for me. I’ve always said all I want is to have a chill day with my family and enjoy each others company. There has not been one single year that has happened. In the past, my oldest son was usually bent on ruining the day for me some how. He would do things like sleep all day, say he forgot or just not even acknowledge the event. It was really hurtful and my oldest daughter, now 18, used to hey so upset with him when he behaved this way.
So this year, I was hoping for a miracle. As I said, the day went well and the evening was set up to be really good too. Everyone was chatting and supper turned out amazing, no bickering or snippy remarks between my in laws, the kids all seemed to want to be around, it was kinda perfect.
Now, in our house we’ve always had the rule that if you didn’t cook you help clean up. Fairly standard practice from what I can’t tell, compared to other families we know. It’s never even been a question, just get to it and many hands make light work.
Apparently all the kids just forgot that was a thing. Everyone left, just walked by my husband who stepped up to do the washing and didn’t give it a second thought. I followed the kids out to the front street and did an exaggerated shrug, got their attention and told them I was disappointed they were just leaving everything for us. This was no small dinner, it took several days of prep to brine and smoke the delicious turkey we served. Even after chasing them out to object, they both just drove away. Since I had already confronted them together I decided to discuss my issue with each of them separately. Since my son is out in his own now, I wasn’t as hard on him.
But here’s the thing, my daughter lives here full time and does nothing at all to help anymore. She was often at work in the evenings or with her boyfriend, until just recently when she stared a 9-5, so she didn’t have supper at home often. Because of her schedule, I would bring her dinner every night she works, making sure she had at least one decent meal a day. I didn’t expect her to come home at 9 pm and clean up, only to help out when she’s home. Now she’s home for supper most nights but still doesn’t lift a finger without being asked. And the attitude when she does have to pitch in is atrocious.
Now back to Mother’s Day, when I confronted my daughter I told her I was disappointed in the both of them. I told her her behaviour has been selfish and that I need her to start participating around the house. She refused to come home to talk that night. Monday she texted me to tell me she was coming over after work. That put me off further, you don’t come over to your own house. Her language made me feel like she doesn’t appreciate the free and supportive roof over her head. When we talked Monday evening my disappointment turned into anger and hurt. This kid had the audacity to say that having to help with dishes is me treating her like staff.
I am beside myself in the massive failure I feel about that. She grew up in a divided family situation but has two sets of parents to lean on and grow from. Her stepmother is a control freak and as a result, my daughter didn’t have chores over there. I knew that but made my expectation clear about our home, from the start. I just feel so helpless in this situation. If anyone has any advice or reminiscence of their own teenzilla, I’d love to hear it.

I recently lead my first writer's room as a head writer! I've been working on a personal project for a while and when we finally got backed and financed, it was crazy! I don't have enough experience to be a showrunner, so we hired someone else. However, being in a writer's room and not just a PA was mind blowing. It kinda felt like knowing how to swim, but now it's my first time in the deep end. I'm sure there are more experienced people on this subreddit with better advice, but I just want to talk about what I learned.
Context: Even though I can't say which show it is right now, I can say that it is for cable and is a 13 episode, half-hour drama. Including myself, there were seven writers.

1: Don't be afraid to redo the pilot!

• They say "writing is rewriting" and this couldn't have been more true for me. Once we actually sat down and talked about what we wanted the season to look like, the pilot had to be rewritten. The pilot I wrote had won a screenwriting competition and has got many glowing reviews. However, I'd be lying if I said I put as much thought into the other episodes as I did the pilot, simply because I didn't want to waste all that effort on a show that might not even get made.

My showrunner really showed his experience by pointing out the flaws in the pilot, not based on the telling of the story in the pilot, but the pay offs we wanted to happen later in the series.

2: Confidence, confidence, confidence!

• This wasn't my first pilot that has been picked up, but it was the first that had actually been put into pre-production instead of just being optioned again or being bought to collect dust in development hell. I was the least experienced in the room and it really made me nervous. People who had some serious skill were asking me questions about my story that I genuinely never thought about before. After our first session, I honestly thought I shouldn't even be in there.

I talked about it with one of my producers and she encouraged me to just do the best I can. After all, you can't really be wrong or mess up something that doesn't really exist yet. The writer's room was really a place for everyone to just figure out what was going on and the first season is always full of experimentation. As my confidence grew, I was able to talk about my characters and core themes with a lot more depth, like I had when I was talking to myself. This made everything way easier to write and had I just had the confidence from the beginning, I feel like we wouldn't have started off so slow.

3: Lean on everyone's specialty.

• I always knew writers had preferences in genres and writing pillars like dialogue or structure. What I didn't expect was how rewarding it would be to have someone prop up your weaknesses with their skills. I usually write alone, so having people help fill in for my weaknesses was great! Leaning into what everyone else does best kept things going at a good pace.

4: Try new stuff till it sticks.

• I had ideas for the show that flat out did not work. Looking at the overall season, some of the episodes we wanted to do, didn't actually add up to the type of emotional pay offs we wanted. Out of the 13, only 5 (including the pilot) of my original episode ideas actually stayed. We came up with a bunch of stuff that was great, but didn't really fit. In the end, some of our random ideas worked better than ones were were sure of.

Even after we got everything off of index cards, sat down and wrote the scripts, there were holes and weaknesses in the season that weren't as obvious before. Always looking at the big picture and the pay offs we wanted was key. Don't be afraid to try something new if you think it can improve the script or season, no matter what stage.

5: Communication

• When we were ready to start typing, there were some people who wanted to write certain episodes and others who didn't care which. However, we found out that everyone has an episode they really want to do and some people just didn't speak up about it. My showrunner talked with everyone together and individually to make sure people were not only writing for the show, but writing something they really wanted to sink their teeth into.

Other times when people were "too quiet", he made sure to make those writers give opinions on the topic at hand. Sometimes they had ideas they thought were stupid, but actually were really great.

6: Be friends

• Yeah, you can't be friends with everyone. It's true. Even so, our writer's room really felt like it kicked into high gear as we all got to know each other. We talked about what inspires us, what we do outside of writing and how our lives were going in general. It made it feel less like a job and more like the discussion you would have with your friends at a bar after seeing a movie. Awesome feeling. We even attended one of my writer's birthday party were he proposed to his long time girlfriend. After that, writing felt like butter. It's way easier to debate and fix things with people you get along with. I can't imaging being in a room with someone for that long for months with people I don't like or don't know well.

7: Check the ego at the door

• This is something my producer told me and something my showrunner said up front. We all are going to be wrong sometimes. If something needs defending, defend it, but not to the point to where it may cause a problem. Honestly, I couldn't have written this season this well on my own. Teamwork made the dream work.

We are scheduled to start shooting the pilot later this year, so I can't wait to see what happens next. It's far from over and there's a lot that still needs to happen before it even goes to screening, so I hope everything works out! If you have had any experiences in writer's rooms or advice, I'd love to hear it! I just thought I'd share this. Happy writing!