This weekend, Ajax Budokan invited Kodokan 9th dan and former head of the Tokyo Police dojo, Michio Fukushima Sensei, to conduct a 4 hour clinic for Kodokan Goshin Jutsu. It was open to yellow belt and higher, though the majority consisted of Yudansha. My senseis had the honour of demoing the kata, as Fukushima Sensei's health did not permit presenting each technique multiple times, though he did show some of the finer details, demo mechanics, and gave comments as to what was good and displayed what could be fixed. He also talked about older versions of the techniques and how/ why they have been changed. Regretfully, it totally slipped my mind to film during the seminar, as there was a lot of good information, translated (and left untranslated) by the interpreter.
Some General Notes on Fukushima Sensei Fukushima Sensei on multiple occasions mentioned how one should carry themselves and move, more specifically he talked about how he usually sees toris get away with bad shisei as uke's attacks are generally to kind or passive, and that if they genuinely attacked, most toris would be off balance. Additionally he mentioned that a lot of IFJ competition now is power judo, where the technical aspects are replaced for brute force and speed.
The main note he makes is to keep the knees alive (slightly bent and bouncy like a spring), and that most novices have a tendency to straight leg their kata. He also made it a great point to explain the logic of the waza in the kata and how the kuzushi is created. Other important details he talked about were that uke shouldn't be a limp noodle once his attack is over, that tori should keep good sabaki (unclear if sabaki was short hand for tai sabaki as he also stated tai sabaki on different occasions (the details were paraphrased by the translator)), and the usage of rotation from the hips to maintain proper balance (tai sabaki). Additionally, he talked about things relating to karada (the body) and some anecdotes (such as stories about judoka such as Michigami, Isao Okano, and Nagaoka if I was hearing correctly, though I don't speak Japanese, only somewhat familiar with it), which were left untranslated or paraphrased sadly.
Emphasised details in the kata (not explanations or descriptions of how to do a technique) and my experiences (FYI Sensei mostly used the Tomiki names for the waza Tori applied)
Attacks when held

1. Ryote dori - my partner and I (both new to this kata for the most part) went in on this one and struggled as we didn't see the detail of thumb in hand for the lock (blind leading the blind, though we later worked near a kind pair after this who helped check more closely as they were experienced in the kata)
   1. Yahazu (hook shape for hand) is very important to direct uke's arm
   2. You aren't pulling the arm away to free it, you are pushing your elbow forward which pressures uke's arm
   3. Te gatana to the uto (point between uke's eyes)
   4. When applying the lock (te gatame), make sure to rotate uke's hand such that the fingers are pointing up
   5. When applying the lock, take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
2. Hidari eri dori - I particularly liked this one, though my uke was confused the first few times as he kept trying to apply waki gatame.
   1. Tori must grab underneath uke's hand on the lapel when stepping back
   2. When grabbing uke's hand to break the grip and apply the lock (kote hineri), tori should have his thumb in between uke's thumb and fingers, and to take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
   3. Uke should try to maintain jigo tai rather than lean so the lock is applied cleanly
   4. Tori's hand should not be limp when delivering the strike
3. Migi eri dori - I couldn't get kote gaeshi to work properly, will have to practice and ask my sensei about it later, same with my partner
   1. Tori should maintain a upright posture as uke pulls him forward, and use the landing of his foot to drive his hand for the uppercut to uke
   2. Tori should try to keep uke's hand attached to his centerline as he makes tai sabaki
4. Kata ude dori - My uke was very stiff, so applying the initial lock to him proved difficult, though he claims he felt it. I found this kata easy to remember as the legs go left right left right (step, step, tai sabaki, kick, then lead with the right for the lock)
   1. You are kicking with the side of the foot
   2. The step before the kick pivot around so your feet are almost parallel
   3. For waki gatame, you should be standing inside his feet, near parallel to the line perpendicular to his feet
5. Ushiro eri dori - I had experience with this one as sensei had taught during some free time a while back
   1. The parry with the arm was stated to also be the preferred way to receive punches, though take that as you will (though it is a common method in karate as well)
   2. The strike should be to the suigetsu (solar plexus)
   3. Trap uke's hand with your head so that it can't wiggle all over the place when applying the lock
6. Ushiro jime - My partner and I both had a tendency to lift the shoulder off after spinning out, will have to work on that. I will be honest, had I known this escape, I probably would have come out of an incident a few years back (before I started Judo) rather unscathed as I was jumped and then kicked on the ground by a person who was quite a pain.
   1. The attack and initial defence are identical to that of katame no kata, following which tori rotates out
   2. Keep pressure with your shoulder until your grip has been changed
7. Kakae dori - We didn't have enough mat space to finish the throw without running into other groups, but the technique is surprisingly effective. Though I couldn't initially find out how to do the armlock and had to ask my sensei about it, now it's pretty easy.
   1. Rotate the arm away from you (clockwise from your perspective) and pull uke's arm into you
   2. During the initial stomp, straighten up and raise your arms to loosen uke's grip

Attacks when at a distance - I got less time to try these in general as I wanted my partner to get a feel for them as they are a bit more complicated and he is less experienced

1. Naname uchi - this was a fun situation, it shows how a little bit of atemi can be used to setup a randori waza, and Fukushima Sensei complimented my senseis' performance saying that it was better than the current text book
   1. Te gatana is used to redirect the strike
   2. Osoto otoshi is performed
   3. Pushing the arm through is important to create the kuzushi necessary for the waza
2. Ago tsuki - I didn't actually get a chance to try this one more than once as my partner struggled with it, he kept applying a shoulder lock by pushing on the elbow without the redirect with the thumb up (shoulder is still sore)
   1. when directing uke's attack up and away, do not lean back as then you are unstable
   2. Use yahazu to direct uke's elbow toward his ear
   3. As uke will not like this use the moment after releasing the elbow lock to throw him forward in the direction perpendicular to his feet.
3. Gammen Tsuki - My partner really liked this one, I can see the uses as I've used similar entries when messing around with strikes + judo with this partner as I have a bit of karate experience
   1. Uke is meant to do a break fall, thus tori needs to get out of the way after releasing the choke
   2. Uke should realistically be aiming for where tori's uto would be if he did not evade
4. Mae Geri - this was a relatively easy one to grasp, but quite a bit of practice is needed before a full force kick can be considered
   1. Rotate ukes foot outwards so that it is not easy for him to rotate in to escape
   2. In the original, tori would lift uke's leg high but many ukes ended up injured from hitting their heads, so now tori just pushes back
5. Yoko geri - My sensei has introduced this one at the dojo before as well, though he prefaced it with about a minute of just practicing a side kick. My partner (who suffers from light knee pain) couldn't kneel during the finish
   1. The use of the te gatana to redirect the kick in the direction it is going, very similar to karates low block
   2. During the finish tori creates a void for uke to be thrown but in real life tori would throw uke onto his knee

Attacks with weapons - I understand people dislike these (reasonably in some cases), but I've found them to be useful points to explore
Attacks with a knife - Sensei Fukushima mentioned how despite my senseis making it look easy
Both my partner and I have practiced these quite a lot (I was the only one who was taught it by sensei but we practiced it on our own time), so not as many personal notes. Though I don't have a good experience so my brain switches to serious and my heart rate increases despite the fact that I know these are fake weapons.

1. Tsukkake
   1. The elbow should be pushed forward (I've actually experimented with this in the past by asking uke to try to stab me as I applied the defence, and we've found after the initial push and strike, tori is in a relatively good position, be it to run away or finish the kata)
   2. Push the locked up arm up and towards uke, then guide him to the ground
2. Choku zuki - I struggled to apply the waki gatame, I'm guessing it was control of the wrist that was the problem, this form is relatively straight forward and makes sense
   1. The strike should not be a boxer style punch, but more like the first punch in szkt
   2. uke should not go limp
   3. when moving away from uke, take him perpendicular to the line between his feet
3. Naname Zuki - Personally I think this form is cutting it close in many regards, but the control tori has is quite surprising
   1. Don't grab the blade from the sharp edge

Attacks with a jo - PSA, no matter how much you trust your uke, mistakes happen (especially with such a solid weapon) so remain vigilant to mitigate damage

1. Furi age - this was a relatively easy technique to grasp as it is an application of O soto gari setup with a palm strike to the chind
   1. Tori should enter as soon as uke begins to raise his arm, almost a preemptive entry
   2. Tori strikes at the ago (chin) with a palm strike, then places his hand on the throat for the throw
2. Furi oroshi - My partner leant into the swing and wacked me on the forehead, it could've been worse but it just grazed the outer layer as I saw the jo come closer after my initial retreat and attempted to turn out of the way. Both a PSA for tori and uke. Tori do not keep your eyes off uke, and uke please don't lean into a swing, you are horribly off balance, and you make it harder for tori to read. Also uke don't speed up when you 2 are learning (I don't know why my partner chose too...)
   1. Do not hop back onto one leg and then towards uke with the other, it leads you to have bad posture
   2. Better to make a big retreat than get hit
   3. 2 strike, one ura ken (back fist), followed by knife hand push
   4. Uke's swing should be at a diagonal
3. Morote zuki - I didn't get to practice this one as my partner was taken a bit aback after the previous incident and couldn't get the steps right for this one. Fukushima Sensei mentioned something along the lines of how a judoka was faced with a juken and couldn't figure out what to do, and thus this form was created to address that.
   1. Tori shouldn't be rowing the jow away to shake throw uke
   2. The arm puts pressure on uke's arm forward
   3. Tori should be trying to angle the jo down towards himself after the initial grab

Attacks with a gun - I struggled with all of these, but I think the principles are relatively sound. Though in real life, I'd most likely give up my valuables. Fukushima Sensei emphasised hip rotation in these movements, as he says that you want to direct the gun away without moving your feet, which is what uke would be seeing when looking at your pocket.
Always make sure to begin your defence after uke is clearly focused on checking your pockets, never when his focus is directly on you

1. Shomen Zuke
   1. Grab the barrel of the gun thumb up
   2. During the disarm, push the gun's muzzle to face towards him
2. Koshi Gamae - I kept getting the second hand wrong and thus the barallel was pointed towards me in the final attack, will need to work on that
   1. Grab the barrel of gun initially with the thumb down with your right hand, and push the gun so that it is horizontal after turning left, then grab the gun from below with your right
   2. make sure to not point the gun at yourself when hitting with the butt
3. Haimen Zuke - this is quite a dangerous move in theory, but also one of the more likely ones
   1. Wrap uke's arm with your arm, but make sure to direct the muzzle up with the free arm
   2. [uke] should let go of gun, as this is a hard breakfall

Overarching and repeated themes in the kata

• The use of yahazu to direct the arm rather than grips
• Keeping uke's hand connected to your centerline when applying kansetsu waza
• te gatana is a useful tool to redirect and or strike the opponent quickly
• During the gun portion, always rotate the gun off your centerline, so that even if it does fire, it doesn't penetrate too deep
• Control the gun by the muzzle
• most finishes are done by guiding uke perpendicular to the line in between his feet
• Do not directly oppose an opponents force
• Maintanence of balance at all times and moving from the hips is key
• Uke should attack meaningfully
• Action reaction is used quite a lot to first lock uke up towards his face, so that when he pushes back he is easily lead away

Overall, it was quite a good event, and I learned a lot. This kata isn't the most realistic with the attacks (though apparently a few people I know have used the ryote dori attack shockingly), but what I've learned so far is relatively sound, hopefully some time soon I can convince my partner to do some live resistance sparring with some gear on (which I have done with the knife portion with a plastic knife). Fukushima Sensei had a lot to say, as he was actively discussing his experiences and koshiki no kata after the seminar with another Japanese speaker, and I hope to be able to attend another one of his classes again someday.
Here are some videos featuring Michio Fukushima from a few years back, both where he was actively demoing, and where he had a slightly more corrective position.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1253474818155243
https://youtu.be/VKgdMJS9eck?si=bGMemLfG9aquAHr1

To give a bit of a backstory, I have been experiencing pain in my body for about 2 years of my life, I then entered care last year in January. Since I entered care the pain has gotten increasingly worse. It happens everywhere in my body on my fingers, wrists, ankles, thighs, feet, head, ears, arms, back, and especially my chest as the pain can be so terrible I can not function properly. Certain tasks such as work, cleaning, and moving have become so stressful and painful that I have to sleep/rest for hours just to regain some strength. To top it off, every 3-5 days I get fever-like symptoms, but when test results such as my temperature are checked everything is normal.
The Doctors who would at first give me simple medication assuming it was just sprains or anxiety. I disagreed with their opinions and refused to take the medication. We tried countless doctors until we went to a new one an hour away and they took some blood tests, only thing that came up different was I had a positive ANA test result. The pain worsened And as it did I would complain only to be told by my mother to stop my complaining, that she doesn't care and I shouldn't tell her because she can't do anything.
The Same doctor who took the blood test gave me medication. I took 6 medications I would take for about 4 weeks. The pain unfortunately continued to occur with an increase of headaches than normal and I was exhausted.
Today we went to the same doctor to follow up on the medicine. I told the doctor how I felt during the medication, and after that my foster parent and doctor went outside the room, I heard them talk about how it was all in my head and that I had psychological problems. When they came into the room I told them I wasn't lying about the pain. They reassured me they didn't think I was lying but then my foster mom went into what they said “We don't think you're lying, we think it's in your head. You pick and choose medication and you only feel better when you get things.” When I tell you I blew up, I blew up. I yelled at my foster mother “How dare you say something like that! You just implied that I'm lying about it!” I continued to yell at her “You don't know anything about me!”
To me personally when she said I only feel better when I get things it makes it seem like I fake the pain so I can get out of things or get things. She then compared me to the gypsy Rose situation and said it was similar. I was now enraged, I told her if I ever found out what I had and it was something that wasn't in my head, she was going to apologize. They left the room, and I just started crying.
This foster mother had the tendency to tell others it was all in my head like my case worker and CASA (court representative) .
I was starting to think maybe I was wrong to lash out at my foster mother like that, that me yelling at her and accusing her of lying to me was wrong. If you have any information or tips on what I'm dealing with I would appreciate it.

https://imgur.com/a/Iws41Ye Edit: I have realized I named it "Communist Technology/Artifacts" instead of “Chinese Technology/Artifacts”, please pretend that I didn't do that <3
Am I missing anything? I've tried to get everything but I'm wondering if anyone's aware of something I missed. Also before I start getting comments about something being out of place I'll explain why I put what where for.
The People's Power Armor -I'm aware the canonicity of the Communist Power Armor is dubious at best but its 1, discussed in the fallout bible, something Bethesda pulls from a lot. And 2, has a skin in fallout 76 THAT IS USED in the game by a chinese commissar.
Different Shades of Red -All of the things made by Americans on the list is just to show how Chinese technology takes from/inspires things from America, while writing this I have realized that I didn't take into account that some of the guns like the Mauser WERENT made in America so lets just pretend that the things that have an old glory red tint in their titles is foreign tech, not just American.
Warmachine -I put the warmachine and the chimera down despite them being most likely fabricated by America because they are still technically linked with the Chinese via America claiming they exist, now I'm 99% sure the chimera is Chinese propaganda and I'm pretty sure that the warmachine is a mix of depictions of the Chinese power armor and the Liberty Prime they were making this propaganda piece to drum up support for, its most likely fake.
Chinese Army Training Manual -I added the Chinese Army Training manual and the army uniforms because while they might not be technology they still give us insight of the innerworkings of China in the Fallout universe.
Hei Gui Stealth Suit MK I -I put two separate versions of the Hei Gui Stealth suit because I'm PRETTY sure that the stealth suits in Fallout New Vegas are old models, not just damaged suits (despite their terrible conditions they are stored in.) It would make sense if these suits were used to make the Stealth Suit series in the Big MT while the stealth boy suits actually have the invisibility tech that the most likely newer suits had.
Shanghai Type 37 -Now the elephant in the room, I know I put the 9mm SMG as Chinese made but the circumstantial evidence of Chinese probably infiltrating hoover damn, due to the aforementioned stealth suits. And there being stuff like the Chinese pistols and Chinese Assault Rifles in fallout 3 setting a president for Chinese weapons being common place. As well as the 9mm SMGs being chambered in 9mm instead of .45 like in fallout 2 leads me to believe that they are indeed a knockoff like the Chinese Pistol and Assault Rifle are. There's a really good reddit page about this in falloutlore that I'll link if anyone asks for that goes deeper into this but the Type 37 is a real Chinese knockoff of the grease gun chambered in 9mm so it would make sense for them to be the same fitting with the theme of copycat Chinese arms being commonplace in Fallout's America. Now why did I add "Shanghai" to the beginning of it? Well it was (I think) first created in Shanghai and since the Type 17 already has it's province where it was made at the beginning of it I though I might as well add the city where this one was made because I'm pretty sure Shanghai is in no province? I'm incredibly unelicited on this, which is one of the reasons I'm making this entire book long reddit post in the first place so please correct me if I'm wrong. So yeah that's why I did that.
This has been incredibly rambly and I'm sure I could've cut some stuff out but I'm not going to, this is meant to be a discussion to tell me what I should add and improve with this chart so it can be better. I'm thinking of making my own idea of what a Chinese Fallout game would look like which is the entire reason I'm doing this, I want a neat little chart of all the Chinese stuff we see in the games. This was so fun I might even do this for just Fallout companies in general! Thank you for your heavenly perseverance friend <3

I can walk around just fine, but I got hit by a car as a pedestrian a few years back and can't really use my right arm/hand. I moved to LA recently ... and while I have a car, I'm afraid to use it. Every time I get on one of the highways I see damaged cars, speeding drivers, all sorts of stuff that scares me.
(In full disclosure, it took me until a few months ago to realize I will have to apply for partial disability. There are mental health issues as well -- serious depression, PTSD, etc.)
It's a vicious cycle because the type of therapy/driving lessons I need aren't covered by insurance. And I'm on my own for the first time in life -- sterling resume, but my career was interrupted by the crash (2017), my mom's cancedeath (2019-2021), and the pandemic (and the inflation it's caused).
I have a temp gig back home from July through August, but I need to make some money now. I also have been away from people for so long, my mental health is seriously declining ... the strikes in LA still reverberate.
The internet seems to have become especially toxic in the last two or three years. There's so much spam, fake listings, fake recruiters, etc.
Any advice? I'm stuck in this apartment most days and feel like I'm kind of losing it.

The garage door shut with a groan behind us, closing us in the gloom of the single bulb hanging over the car.
Mother took a drag off her cigarette and sighed as she exhaled, the smoke filled the cabin of the Ford and stung my eyes.
“You really disappointed me today, Julianne," she tapped her cigarette in the ashtray below the dash, "you embarrassed me in front of the other mothers at the Ice Cream Social, shoveling down seconds and thirds like a pig. I thought I raised you better than that.”
She took another drag, daintily holding the cigarette between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I'm going to have to tell your brother about this," she continued, “he'll have to come up with a punishment fit for a pig."
I felt my stomach drop. My kid brother, Thomas, was only six, but could be exceptionally cruel. Mother seemed to encourage him and was deferring to him more and more frequently for how the house was run, especially concerning my upbringing.
"Mother, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry I was a pig and ate so much ice cream. I promise I won't do it again, I'll never eat any ice cream again," I was pleading with stone, unyielding.
“Hush your mouth. Go to your room and wait for Thomas," she put out the cigarette and got out of the car, I had no choice but to follow.
It felt like walking to the gallows as I stepped inside the house and headed towards the stairs to go to my room. Thomas had grown fond recently of physical punishment, he obviously delighted in Mother whipping me with a belt or, recently, Mother had allowed him to start beating me with a wooden spoon. He would squeal and giggle like a normal child watching bubbles in the wind while I screamed. I was dreading whatever was going to happen tonight, I chastised myself for eating that ice cream, I should have known she would show up. My sins were always laid bare.
Down the hall, I could hear Thomas watching television in the den. I only got to watch TV for half an hour on Saturday morning and new episodes of Happy Days with Mother and Thomas. Thomas got to watch all the TV he wanted. He could listen to the radio and turntable as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. Thomas had an entire room just for his toys.
I entered my bedroom, it was a space I occupied, but it didn't feel like mine. Mother kept it spartan, white walls and white bedspread. A crucifix over the bed and a painting of Jesus over the door. I had my desk and chair and a dresser with some of the porcelain dolls Daddy gave me before he died that Mother let me keep. That was it.
I placed my book bag down and sat on my bed, waiting for Thomas. It was a while, sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts and staring at the open door. I felt humiliated, I was almost thirteen and my entire life was dictated by my brother. Mother kept the house in constant lockdown to keep Thomas a secret. No outsiders were allowed in. I couldn't have friends because she was afraid I would mention him or sneak a friend in to gawk at my brother and tease him for being different.
I would never make fun of him, I was terrified of him. Terrified of what he was and what he was becoming.
Eventually I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and I felt my heart start beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I kneaded my skirt in my hands, trying to calm myself and dry my palms. His slow arrhythmic footsteps came down the hall and I watched him as he entered the room.
I couldn't help but internally recoil at his appearance, even though I'd known him since he was born, I could never adjust to how unnatural he appeared. Thomas had been born at home and had never seen a doctor, but he was obviously unwell.
He was six years old and was barely over two feet tall, but very squat and wide. His skin was thick and gray, the whites of his beady eyes were yellow and his hair was wispy and white like an old man's, spreading out like a halo around his gargoyle face. A slight odor of decomposition hung about him, it reminded me faintly of garbage cans on a hot summer day. I hated when Mother made me help him with a bath, his skin felt like old brittle leather that flaked onto my clothes in gray flecks. His body was dense like concrete, I could barely lift him into the tub. Picking him up forced his hair into my face where that smell of rot would fill my nose, causing me to gag, silently, so as not to offend him and draw any ire from him or Mother.
Today, Thomas was wearing bib overalls with a red and green striped sweater underneath, reminding me of a grotesque doll.
“Mama says you acted like a piggy today at the ice cream social,” he spoke up to me in his unsettlingly high pitched, yet raspy voice, like a child that smoked as much as Mother, "you need to come down for dinner right now for your punishment for embarrassing Mama."
He turned and walked back down the stairs and I had no choice but to follow his toddling form downstairs to the dining table. We entered the kitchen and the table was placed with two settings. Mother was already seated and Thomas clambered up into his booster seat at his normal spot next to Mother. She took a drag off her cigarette and motioned vaguely to the floor without even looking at me.
Neatly situated on the linoleum was my dinner, not on a plate, but directly on the floor. A pork chop, scoop of mashed potatoes, and a small pile of peas. No utensils, either.
Thomas giggled with glee upon seeing my face.
“You have Mama's permission now to eat like a piggy, now. No hands! Piggies just use their face!” He stood up in his chair and reached out for Mother’s ash tray and flung it out over my meal, peppering my dinner with cigarette ash and butts.
"Oops! Piggies don't mind trash though, do they, Mama?” he giggled and the sound filled me with rage.
"No, they don't,” Mother replied coolly while maneuvering her ashtray back in place and carefully putting out her cigarette before saying prayer.
As angry as I was, I got down on my hands and knees and did my best at eating what I could without using my hands. I knew if I refused, it would be far worse. The whole meal, Thomas made pig noises and would reach down and poke me with his fork, making comments about what a fat piggy I was and how he wished he could roast and eat me. I doubted Mother would even object if he actually did kill me and eat me.
Gagging my way through another bite of ashy pork chop, I felt a warm splat over my head and heard Thomas giggling. I reached up and felt he had dumped mashed potatoes into my hair.
Choking down tears, I asked Mother if I could clean the floor and bathe. She rolled her eyes and excused me to clear the table for them as well while she changed Thomas into his pajamas. Picking him up, she walked out of the room and Thomas stuck his putrid little purple tongue out at me before they made it out the kitchen door.
I silently cried while I cleared the table and washed the dinner dishes. Tears splashed down as I mopped up the mess from my food on the floor. I hated how awful Thomas was. I hated how they treated me. Ever since Daddy died and Thomas showed up, I was their punching bag. I missed Daddy so much.
Mother was kinder then, too. She was still severe, but Dad kept her tempered. After he died, there was a change that came over her. I was only six, so I didn't remember her too much from before, but I did remember her gushing on and on when she was pregnant with Thomas. How the baby was a gift from Our Heavenly Father, that it was going to complete our broken family.
My sixth birthday happened right after Daddy died and I remember sitting on the patio crying while the house was full of people after the funeral, normally he would have gotten me a new doll and a chocolate bar, instead I was forgotten. No doll. No chocolate. Just funeral potatoes and a house full of cigarette smoke from the adults.
Nobody remembered. The closest thing I got was my dad's sister, Aunt Judy, sitting next to me on the patio step for a few minutes of comfortable silence before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I don't think she knew her brother was memorialized on my birthday. Next year, Thomas was born the day before my birthday, so it was completely eclipsed as Mother had just birthed her new love into the world…
I stopped mid mop as a lightbulb finally went off. I had never put much thought into the dates before.
Thomas was born a full year after Daddy died. He couldn't be his dad. Who was Thomas’ actual father?
Washing mashed potatoes out of my hair that evening, I ran over and over the timeline. No matter how I parsed it out, Thomas was only my half brother. Going to bed that night, I kept myself awake, going over and over again to make sure. I couldn't remember any men being around at that time, but that didn't mean much. Adults can easily hide things from children. Tension began throbbing through my head and I felt queasy. Mother had always known all of my secrets, able to sniff them out like a bloodhound out or using Thomas to spy. Now I had one of Mother's secrets and I didn't know what to do with it.
First I wanted to confirm it, but it would mean snooping, which was difficult in a house that was rarely left empty. I would have to try finding Mother's calendar book or journal to see if she mentioned any dates or men.
But when could I attempt such a daring maneuver? Thomas hardly left the house. As proud as Mother was of him, she was very cognizant and protective of his differences and didn't want to draw attention to herself or Thomas like that. Mother herself had few social engagements throughout the week and mostly stayed home to watch her golden child.
I finally decided I would take the risk and fake sick on Tuesday, grocery day, so I could stay home from school while she went shopping. All Thomas did all day was watch TV downstairs, so that should give me about an hour to look through her room for clues. I decided to tuck my head down, try to behave as best as I could to avoid their wrath, and wait for Tuesday.
That weekend limped along agonizingly slow. Thomas was in a fine mood and was constantly seeking out a reason to poke me, punch me, slap me… he'd laugh while calling me a piggy with his off-putting wide mouth. I tried to mostly stay in my room and it seemed like neither of them cared.
School on Monday was a relief, but my anxiety ramped up. The consequences would be dire if Mother caught on that I was faking sick to stay home. I didn't even want to imagine how off the leash she'd let my half-brother become in his punishment for that level of insubordination.
I stayed up all night, my stomach was in knots, but I was committed to my plan. Throughout the night, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow. Screamed until my throat was raw and I could barely talk. It felt cathartic in a way. When it was close to school time, I put on my heaviest flannel pajamas and began doing jumping jacks until my face was flushed and my scalp was soaked with sweat.
Looking in the bathroom mirror before heading down to talk to Mother, I thought I looked pretty convincing, my skin was flushed and sweaty, my eyes had circles under them from lack of sleep, and my voice croaked like a frog.
Heading downstairs, Mother was already feeding Thomas breakfast. I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly for a second, pawing with my pajamas to keep my nerves steady until she noticed my presence and looked up.
“Why aren't you dressed, Julianne?"
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts and my tummy hurts.” My voice graveled out more than I was expecting, I really had hurt my throat.
She strode over to me and placed a cool hand on my sweaty brow.
"You do feel warm. Take an aspirin from the medicine cabinet and go lay back down. I'll check on you later," with that she turned back and walked over to Thomas, who was frozen in place, glaring at me over a forkful of scrambled eggs. The sharp glint of malice in his beady eyes made me shiver before I shuffled out of the kitchen.
I laid in bed, trying my best to look miserable until I eventually heard the faint sound of the television playing in the den as Thomas settled in for his normal daytime routine and the garage door opened as Mother headed to the grocery store. I bounded out of bed and watched the car back out of our driveway and head up the street.
My heart began to pound as I tiptoed down the hall to Mother's bedroom, a place I rarely even caught a glimpse of, let alone entered. I very slowly opened the door, taking great care to not make any noise to alert Thomas downstairs that I was out of bed.
Creeping into the butter yellow room, I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my skull, this was the naughtiest thing I had ever done by far. I stepped onto the rug to help disguise my footsteps and slowly made my way past the brass bed and towards her desk. My hands shook as I opened the top drawer, I pawed through rapidly and found nothing. I checked the next drawer down and again found nothing of interest, just stationary and envelopes.
Finally, the bottom drawer was what I was looking for, a stack of journals from the past decade. I flipped through, trying to find entries relevant to when Daddy died and who Mother slept with afterwards.
I've never fully recovered from what I read.
July 6, 1968
Edgar died today. Car accident. I cannot believe this is real. My light, my life, my anchor... Dr. Benson gave me a sedative at the hospital and I feel so tired. So very, very tired. Why has my Lord forsaken me so?
July 9, 1968
I feel like I am in a very bad dream, I feel numb and disconnected. All the consolation and pity from everyone makes me feel sick. After the memorial, it took everything in me to not break dishes and to scream at everyone to get out of my house. Julianne was moping about crying and I wanted to throw her out, too.
If I hadn't seen my dear Edgar's body in the hospital and held his urn in my own hands, I wouldn't believe he was really gone. I still don't entirely believe it.
I have prayed to God every night asking him to show me why he took my husband from me and I have gotten no answer.
I skimmed over the next few months, as it was more or less similar sentiments repeated night after night. I finally got to an entry that caught my eye.
September 17, 1968
My battle with my faith has been fraught the past few months, but Hallelujah! I feel I can see the Lord again in all his glory and might, for he has given me a way to reconnect to my Edgar!
I was thinking about the night Julianne was born, right in this very home, it was a difficult birth and she struggled to breathe at first. Ingrid, my midwife, made a comment to me that if the baby had failed to wake up on her own, that Ingrid had ways to make sure she would have made it.
I remember asking if it was a medical methodology and she made it clear to me that in certain circumstances, it was a mystical property she used to bring the air of life into a struggling baby's lungs. She gently alluded to being a practicing member of the dark arts. At the time, I felt quite scandalized to have someone like that in my God fearing home. Now I see her as the answer to my prayers! My angel!
On a whim, I called her and asked if she still practiced such techniques. She hesitantly confirmed that she did. I asked, if she could turn breath into the lungs of a child without, could she turn breath into a child that did not exist? Could she magick into existence another child of my beloved Edgar? She told me she had to do some research and she'd be back in touch.
Ingrid just called back after a few hours and said there was a spell she found, but it was dangerous and might have unpleasant results. I said, yes, of course! I trust my Lord and I believe he sent this woman of blessed magick to me for this purpose.
She says we will have to do it soon, in a few days during the new moon. She has a potion to brew, but it is happening! Praise God!
September 23, 1968
The ceremony was last night, and Ingrid believes it was a success, but we will have to wait. It did not take long, only an hour or two. Ingrid lit my bedroom with many beeswax candles and she had me drink a thick and bitter tea that caused me to become quite relaxed and foggy.
From my inner thigh, she cut me and collected my blood in a chalice, with which she mixed quite a lot of Edgar's ashes and other ingredients which I could not glean from my supine position and groggy wits. Ingrid began to chant, calling upon a higher power, as I pleaded with my Lord to let this work. To give me any piece of my Edgar back. She came to the bed and worked the paste between my legs into my womanly chamber, which was very uncomfortable, but manageable with the numbing effects of the tea.
She continued to sit with me and chant, her hand placed over my womb, until she decided at which time it was complete. She left and I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt quite uncomfortable, my body ached and when I used the restroom, a yellow fluid like pus poured out of me, but no sign of any ashes or blood, which gives me hope it was absorbed into my womb.
November 3, 1968
Praise be to our Lord, Ingrid just confirmed for me that I am with child, I had been hoping so, I had not gotten my cycle in October, but I wasn't sure if that was because of the discharge like pus that was still coming. She told me that was common with this spell and a side effect that would stop after the baby came.
I feel like I am floating on air, for the first time since Edgar left, I feel-
I suddenly became very aware of the feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I had become too engrossed in what was written before me and I had lost track of my surroundings. Very slowly, I turned around and my heart began pounding again as I saw Thomas standing in the doorway holding his wooden spoon in one hand. How had I not heard him?
He pointed at me with his empty hand and screamed, just a pure guttural screech from somewhere deep inside his disgusting little body. He charged at me from across the room, his horrible feet thumping solidly along the rug. He began beating my legs ruthlessly with the spoon, causing my legs to buckle. I crashed down to my knees in front of him, and he began lashing at my face, pulling my hair with one hand while wailing away at my head with the spoon.
I had dropped the journal I was holding and was desperately trying to get a hand on the spoon or push him away. All I could hear was him screaming. My arms flailed and I reached around on Mother's desk and grabbed onto the first thing I found and sank it into Thomas’ neck.
The end of Mother's gold letter opener protruded under his jaw. He went silent and he looked at me with utter shock. He dropped the spoon and collapsed on the ground, clutching at his neck as his thick black blood oozed out from his wound, letting out a stupendous odor of rot that filled the room. He didn't really say anything or make any noise. He just twitched for a moment and I saw his eyes glaze over.
In shock, I stood over his little body for a moment and I watched as he seemed to mummify in just a few minutes, like an ash person from Pompeii dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Even his blood that looked like shiny oil a second ago became like potting soil on Mother's rug. Reaching out to touch his hand, it crumbled away like sand.
Panic ran through me like a rabbit caught in a snare. Not knowing what to do, I ran. I ran down the hall, changed my clothes, put an extra change of clothes in my backpack and the last doll Daddy had ever given me and I ran. Mother would absolutely never forgive me and I was genuinely afraid she would kill me in retaliation for taking her beloved Thomas away from her. Her precious gift from God. My feet flew over the pavement and took me away from that house.
I called my Aunt Judy from a payphone outside the five & dime, and told her Mother had kicked me out and asked if I could stay with her. She had always had a strained relationship with my mother and it didn't take much convincing that she had kicked out her “only” child. Only Mother, Ingrid, and I ever knew about Thomas.
She gave me a home and took care of me. She never beat me or humiliated me. Even with her love, I was far from okay. For years I would close my eyes and hear Thomas scream, then the sudden silence. I'd see him fumbling at his neck and turning to ash. But I would also remember all the ways he would hurt me and how bad he was becoming. I could never talk to anyone about it, especially not the silent relief I felt I refused to admit to myself. Over time, however, Thomas' screams became a whisper and his silence faded into dust in my mind.
I moved on with my life. I went to college and became a photojournalist, getting to travel the world and watch history unfold. By choice, I never married, but was quite blessed with many beautiful friendships for companionship over the decades. I found balance in my life and a sense of happiness, if not peace. I never could quite stomach mashed potatoes again, though, they always taste ashy to me.
Mother never made any attempts to reach out to me or find me, at least that I'm aware of. Ten years ago, I was contacted by a hospital and they said my mother had been admitted earlier after falling and was about to pass, so she must have kept some tabs on me to know my phone number for her emergency contacts. Apparently she had collapsed in the driveway and a neighbor called an ambulance. I got there and her only words to me were, “take care of him," as she placed a locket in my hand. I opened the locket, Jesus was on one side, Thomas on the other. I didn't say anything to her, just held her frail old hand with nicotine stained nails until she passed in the night. My mother was gone and I felt nothing except a vague sense of relief.
When I got to her house, it was like a time capsule. Other than a newer television, it was just like it was when I'd fled so many years ago. The smell of tobacco smoke hung like incense in the air. It felt oppressive, like a tomb.
I wandered the house in a bit of a daze. The one place I didn't want to go was upstairs. I didn't want to see my old room, or Thomas' room, or Mother's. Putting it off, I went to fix myself some supper, realizing I hadn't eaten in almost a day. I took a pause when I opened the fridge and saw a baby bottle on a shelf. Silently praying she had been babysitting for a neighbor, I fixed myself some toast with sardines and sat eating in the den watching TV. It had been almost forty years and it still felt rebellious not eating at the table and watching TV without permission.
My eyes grew heavy and I finally mustered up the gumption to head upstairs to go to bed. The stairs creaked in a familiar way under my feet and I was taken back to the feeling of dread hearing either Mother or Thomas climbing up. My old room was at the top of the stairs, I saw the door was nailed shut and had rambling quotes about Judas copied from the Bible in my mother's handwriting taped to the door. I sighed gently and turned from the door to head down the hallway, deciding Mother's room was probably the best place to sleep.
I passed by Thomas’ toy room and I heard a murmur from the room. I stopped, curiosity got the best of me and I entered. In Thomas' old toy room was a crib with joyful clown sheets. Dread swelled up inside me as I heard more murmurs and saw the sheets move. Approaching slowly, I peaked under the sheet and gasped.
Tucked inside was what looked like a baby gargoyle, gray and papery looking. Pus leaked out of its milky, bulbous eyes. I pulled back the blanket and saw it had no legs and its arms bent back, like wings on a bird. It was wearing just a cloth diaper, overflowing with tarry looking stool that took my breath away with its pungency, it smelled like Thomas’ blood, but somehow worse. My heart broke for this poor creature, Lord only knows how many years it has been in this crib suffering from its unholy existence.
So this is who Mother had wanted me to take care of…
Not knowing what else to do, I gently scooped him up. Like Thomas, he was shockingly heavy for how small his body was. Placing him on the changing table, I cleaned him and rewrapped his bottom in a clean diaper cloth. It was difficult, he fussed tremendously, crying and flopping around as much as his flipper-like arms would allow. I tried wiping off his oozing eyes and he snapped his mouth, which I saw was full of disturbingly square yellow teeth, trying to bite me. I carried him to the kitchen and rocked him while I heated up his bottle and he became furious with me, almost barking like a dog when my hand would get near his face.
He settled a bit as he fed, but he would still sometimes suddenly spit out the bottle and attempt to bite me. I laid him back in his crib, this abomination in a clown sheet, and I walked down the hall to Mother's room letting out a long sigh.
Combing through my mother's journals in the early hours of the morning, it looked like she tried the ceremony again shortly after Thomas died, but she either lacked Ingrid’s help or didn't have enough of my father's ashes left. Something went terribly wrong. She was vaguer than she had been about Thomas’ conception, but I suspect she had used some of Thomas' remains. The resulting birth she named Isaac.
Mother's journals told a sad tale of her and Isaac's suffering. She never mentioned me, but lamented the loss of Thomas and Dad relentlessly. She was hyper protective of Isaac, as that was all she had left. If her world had been small before, it became microscopic after he entered her life, requiring nearly constant care. According to Mother, he was blind and colicky, sometimes going years at a time without sleeping through the night. She had breast fed him for years, but she had to stop after he grew teeth and began biting her intentionally and feeding on her blood.
I spent a lot of time over the next few days pondering what to do. I had to get her estate in order, she had left me the house, in an obvious attempt to get me to continue caretaking for Isaac, but I didn't want it. I had my own cozy home an hour away from here, filled with happy memories and my possessions acquired traveling the world. Mother's home had a heavy energy I couldn't shake. Her and Thomas were both gone, but the memories of the scoldings and beatings hung in every corner, like cobwebs that would never sweep away.
So, I fed Isaac and kept him clean and tried to keep him company, although he seemed to hate me passionately. I took care of him, all the while thinking about what I was going to do. After a week, I felt resolute in what had to be done.
Gathering up all of Mother's journals in a tote, I made my way to Isaac and picked him up and carried everything to the living room.
The ancient logs in the fireplace meant for display ignited instantly. One by one, I fed the journals into the fire, burning away years of my mother's consuming sorrow. Isaac fussed and moaned next to me the entire time. When the last pages shimmered away into lacy ash, I took a throw pillow off the couch and gently cradled Isaac in my other arm. It didn't take long before he stopped struggling and I felt his little body relax after decades of suffering.
I gently wrapped up a bundle in a clown sheet and placed it in the fire. It burned furiously, like the paper in my mother's journals, and was soon gone. Nothing but ashes and embers.
“Don't worry, Mother,” I said purely for my own sake, "I took care of Isaac for you."
And finally, I felt at peace.

There are several people here who keep regurgitating this narrative. "Those parts are fake, but the rest is real!" That's weird because if you look at the diary, the entire thing including the passages in question are all written in the same handwriting in the same notebook. She has also made no attempt whatsoever to dismiss them as fake, despite these passages being the only reason that her diary is being focused on. So it's not like she's unaware of them. What excuses do you guys have for this?

the story/universe is not meant to be in the main game series, but i imagine one of the slightly differnt dimensions seen before, though similar events to the main series have already occurred(crunch and nina's intros).
The basic structure of the game would be very similar to the original CB game, but the main difference being the levels are spread across just 2 islands, with a secondary story progressing concurrently in a time vortex, that would also need to be completed to reach the ending of the game and final boss. there would also be the inclusion of mini games.
the story would be cortex egged on into his usual undisclosed evil by uka uka, and, anticipating crashs interference, dispatches his mutants and henchman to stop them. this is all observed by catbat, who flies off to warn crash. living peacefully on wumba island, crash, coco, crunch, tawna and aku aku are accosted by catbat and, thinking them an enemy, pursue them. the first stage ends with them confronting catbat and learning the truth, just before catbat is abducted through a time portal by N tropy. the team then splits; aku aku, crash and coco going to stop cortex and crunch and tawna heading to help catbat by hunting across multiple time periods in N tropys time hub(as a homage to warped).
wumba island would host the first half of the levels and bosses, after which it would switch and continue similarly on cortex island. after wumba island is cleared, you will be able to switch over to the time vortex at any point and also play through those batch of levels.
Wumba island bosses: fake crash, ripper roo, dingodile, tiny tiger
Time vortex bosses: N tropy
Cortex island bosses: Nina, N Gin, N Brio, Cortex/Megamix, Uka Uka
there would also be fun little cameos, such as pictures of Pinstripe Potoroo, alternate tawna, N. Oxide, Pasadena O'Possum, and Velo appearing in the time vortex hub. also multiple titans from "crash of the titans" appearing as mutants caged in cortexs lab during his boss battle; spike, Shellephant, goar, snipe, stench, Scorporilla.
As for character design and personality changes
-crash would be less dumb and just come across as inarticulate and slightly crazy
-uka uka and aku aku would get slight design updates but unsure in what way
-crunch would have the look of his first few appearances, though his robotic arm would go up to his elbow. his personality would mostly be the more gruff type he originally was but with some moments of his more meatheaded later traits mixed in.
-tawna would have her main universe design but slightly more confident/aloof in personality, somewhat similar to alternate tawna.
-tiny would have his usual personality and design/proportions, but incorporate the more tiger-like traits and military camo cloths of his COTT design.
-dingodile would mostly use his "its about time" design, though slightly slimmer, have his flamethrower back and also have a crocodile dundee hat.
-N tropy is basically just the female counterpart from "its about time"
-nina would have her updated "crash: on the run" design
-in a far departure, N gin would be a full on android rather than a cyborg, but otherwise same in personality and role.
The ending of the game would also see a major change. after cortex is defeated, uka uka would tear apart cotex's lab to form a massive body for himself, including absorbing cortex too. after their apparent destruction and the games ending, n tropy and nina would arrive and seem mostly unfazed, only to be left cowering at what emerges. cortex and uka uka have been merged completely merged in body and mind; an evil mask, partially infused with technology, and in the general shape of cortexs head. they then laugh in the mad laughter of both an evil spirit and mad scientist as the other minions arrive and look on.
i get this comes across as a bit of a mishmash of stuff i like thrown together but does this seem like a decent game idea?

All of you unconsciously prune information. Forget it. Feed off it at your own convenience. I remember everything. Everything. Constantly. The pain of losing my comrades. The sadness. All of the information that composes those moments…never leaves my brain for a second.

Nico Vorgeil is the head of Union's science division. An atheist turned anti-theist, he was recruited for his one of a kind skill in pioneering the understanding of the universe. The only thing that could push him even further was his own union with a woman that had intellect to match his own. However, when she died in childbirth, his Negation manifested, dooming him to suffer endlessly. He died in regret, having betrayed everything he stood for in exchange for a few fleeting moment with his late wife.
But now, Fuuko Izumo's on a quest to give everyone a happy ending. And Nico's the one she wishes that for the most…

Key

Scaling

• Andy & Victor / Undead
• Chikara Shigeno / Unmove
• Creed Deckard / Undecrease
• Fuuko Izumo / Unluck
• Gina Chamber / Unchange
• God / UMAs
• Ichico Nemuri / Unsleep
• Isshin XIII, Haruka Yamaoka / Unbreakable
• Juiz d'Arc / Unjustice
• Mui
• Phil Hawkins / Unfeel
• Shen Xian / Untruth
• The Superior Master Rules
• Tatiana / Untouchable
• Tella / Untell
• Top Bull Sparx / Unstoppable
• Void Volks / Unavoidable

Notes

• Feats are listed in order of appearance. Hover over a link to see the chapter(s) of origin.
• Feats from chapters up to 132 are from the 100th Loop.
• Feats from 133 on are from the 101st Loop, with this RT leaving off at 206.
• Character profile.
• Huge thanks to NegativeGamer and doctorgecko for creating threads that contributed to this one.

Strength

• Beat Mui and Shen; Shen was pounded into a wall and you can see a barbell bent in the background
• Tears the Union emblem out of his skin
• Strikes Andy five times using Shen's technique
• Breaks UMA Ghost's hold on him after losing his identity
• Rips Fuuko's caged soul out of his chest

Durability

• Electrocuted
• Fuuko's One-Inch Punch left him nauseous for days

Speed

• Dodges Victor's finger bullet

Skill

• Fought Tella offpanel
• Creates a dust explosion using iron residue blown around by wind and struck by lightning while taking on Language
• Harnessed his soul
• Speaks to Fuuko across the globe telepathically after harnessing his soul
• Learned Feng's method of harnessing chi (soul energy)
• Transmits design schematics into Ichico's head through a soul cable
• Forms the Super Dreadnought Union Lethal Weapon Superior Buster Soul Version in Lan's shiritori game with Ichico's help

Inventions

General Union Things
Note: Ichico matches his number of inventions, much higher than the other lab members, so it's possible some of these belong to her.
Memory-Wiping

• Memory-wipes the people of NYC who saw a Spoil Junior
• Erases all memories of Chikara in the public consciousness
• Reprograms the public consciousness to accept Fuuko as Void's title defense challenger
• Made Chikara's school forget about the ten Union members that infiltrated it for a year

Network
Reach

• Comms network
• Satellite
• Presumably fast delivery, as Gina is able to acquire her beret after calling in for it
• Teleports Spoil's core out of Victor's hand
• Tracked a mob auction that Andy was unable to find
• The Union jet can travel from Japan to Canada in five hours
• Tracks Under's spatial gate method
• Has so much money
• 100,000+ employees

Other

• Goons with handcuffs and spheres meant to catch Undead
• Runs an orphanage
• UMA food cubes are hypercondensed nutrients
• UMA containment cells are indestructible
• Almost certainly created the little drop-pod things since they zoom out of his lab later
• Union communicators

Single-Person Gadgets
Loop 100

• Anti-aging tech
• The neckties of Union suits grants the wearer access to a number of public services and organizations and it also functions as a universal translator which even works with writing
• The insignias on Union suits can play recordings and function as comms with other insignia wearers
• Fake IDs
• Created the Union's anti-cherry blossom cloaks to resist Spring's transmutation
• Heating pads
• An electric chair
  • It reconfigures her brain to make her eyebags appear above her eyes and thus they function as natural eyeshadow

Loop 101

• Adrenaline epi-pen
• Thermal vision
• Spacesuits with verniers
• Anti-shake camera holders
• Created a dress for Latla that would morph into a bridal dress
• Insulated spacesuits for sunwalking capabilities
  • They also have bone conduction, so Fuuko can talk to Andy by jabbing her thumb into a hole in his skull

Weapons

• Fighter jets
  • With remote self-destruct
• Electrical cables, cooling agent, and the Unbreakable pile cannon all are weapons that Union HQ utilizes against Burn
• Developed the Astral Dolls with Ichico
• Developed the Super Dreadnought Union Lethal Weapon Superior Buster as the Union's ultimate weapon with Mico

Specific - Others'

• Void's power armor
• An alloy that, smithed using Isshin's Unbreakable, can expand along with Shen's Nyoi-Kinko staff
• Designed a helmet to save Zack from a respiratory disease
• Created Tatiana's ball mech
• Gave Billy spurs for his echolocation-level senses to work
• Built Chikara's goggles
• Probably made Juiz a prosthetic arm
• The UN-ST Tachyorizer, which basically gives Top everything he needs to reach maximum speed
• Performs a field blood transfusion between Andy and Fuuko
• Souped up Andy's bike
• Loop 100 Nico was the best of any Loops Fuuko saw through artefacts
• Nico-dedicated restraints (while he didn't invent them himself, another member of the lab did and he's the smartest of them
• Repelling bullets for Creed's minigun to use in space

Specific - Own
Astral Dolls

• Using Psycho Pods as power sources, these are copies of members of the Union that even possess pseudo-Negations
• Astral Void punches Andy's head off
  • Punches Andy into the ground
  • Punches harder after the UMA Ghost fusion
• Astral Gina slams Andy's body to the ground
• Created Astral Chikara and Astral Juiz as well
• They get stronger after Nico fuses with Ghost as well as more durable, but only the two that are dead, Gina and Void
• Andy's finger bullets bounce off amped Void
• Gina gums up Andy's limbs while electrocuting him

Psycho-Pods
General

• He can use them to fly
• These are controlled via brainwaves
• Nico can control eleven at max, with Chikara barely able to control one
• When he fuses with Ghost, his Psycho Pods become ghostly
• They store memories

Durability/Shields

• Reflects Phil's laser into a Victor clone
• Traps Gina inside a cube as her Negation activates, preventing her from killing 40,000 via asphyxiation
• Forms a stretcher to carry Fuuko on
• Makes a shield to deflect Creed's grenade
• Traps some of UMA Color's paint
• Encases Sick's Juniors
• Forms a shield around Fuuko's ER
• Only Isshin has ever been able to break this material, until fighting Lan in a game of shiritori

Lasers

• Defends Nico from Andy's finger bullet
• Bisects Victor and cauterizes the wound to slow his regen
• Lasers Andy into giblets using ten, slicing through metal as well
• Lasers holes in the lab floor to reduce the strength of the eruption about to explode, as well as cools down the lava with a refrigerating agent
• Forms a 5x5 grid to dice Language's Sun and Luna

Other

• Treats Top and Isshin's wounds
• Conks Tella
• Hacks into the Union's network, killing its captive UMAs and lowering their defenses
  • Shuts gates to direct Andy down a certain path
  • Gasses his lab members
• Treated Shen's wounds

Negation: Unforgettable

Type: Self-Targeting Compulsory Activation
Tragedy: Ichico Nemuri's death in childbirth is the only memory he has of his wife
Nico's Negation prevents him from forgetting anything his mind has processed since acquiring the Negation. This in turn crushes out the memories he had from before the Negation awakened.

• After all the world's languages were unified into English and Mui lost the ability to speak Chinese, she starts teaching herself how to speak it using only a book written by Nico
• Memory wipes fail on him
• Beat UMA Language solo
• Withstands Apocalypse's memory bombing, meaning he is stronger in Loop 101 than Loop 100, and Loop 100 Nico was already better than any previous Nico.
• Only Unforgettable is capable of perfectly reviving someone from the dead in shiritori due to its absolute crystalline memory of them
• Likely knows Spanish and Lithuanian

Other

• Determines which of the quests the Union should go after
• Defeated UMA Language himself and UMA Past with the help of other Negators
• Fused with UMA Ghost

I couldn't forget even if you told me to. Those words. Those memories. I've ingrained them into my soul!!

I’m not really great at posting or talking about things but I kind of don’t really know where to find the best feedback something like this so I figured I would try my luck here.
A couple of weeks ago, I met up with someone who was an older gay man and we were talking and as the night went on we talked about our coming out stories. He told me his story and his experience and then it was my turn. For some years now, whenever it would come up I would just say that I knew I was gay when I was teenager and just came out when I was 19 to my mom while I was in college. This person asked if there was a reason. I tried to remember back to if there was one (I’m 29 now, so this was all almost 10 years ago) and then I started to remember why I came out in the first place.
I had just gotten off work that day and it was awful. My roommate was 21 at the time and before I left for work I left some money for him to buy me a handle of Jäger and after I got home I knocked back the handle in under an hour or so. After a couple of hours my roommate came home and said some of his friends were coming by to watch the game and asked if I wanted to join them. My roommate and his friends were all straight and I thought we all got along well so I was excited. His friends came over and we were having a good time until the one of my roommates friends showed up that I didn’t like. I went about my night and didn’t let it bother me. I was having fun and kept drinking and surprisingly didn’t black out. As the evening went on, my roommate and his friends were going to the bars. I couldn’t go since I didn’t have a fake and I needed to sleep it off.
A few minutes go by, and I get a text from my roommate saying his friend (the one I didn’t care for) had to come back up and get his wallet. He came alone and I let him into the apartment. I tear the apartment apart looking for his wallet and said to him it’s not here. I turn around and he’s sitting down in a chair not looking for his wallet. I asked him “what are you doing”. He said I know you’re gay. From there it erupted to us shouting at each other and I said he had no right to do this. I wanted him out but he wouldn’t leave. I hit him and hit him. He grabbed my arm and said don’t do that again. I hit him with my free hand. Then he grabbed me and we rolled around on the floor hitting each other. I screamed for help and no one came. He got up a couple of minutes later said something and left.
He came around a couple of more times after that but I haven’t seen this person in a long time. I hadn’t thought about this in a long time and I don’t know why I’m starting to remember all of it. It was after that event, I figured since I lived in such a small town people are going to know if they didn’t already and that made me come out to my mom.
Is this normal? How do I process this?

So, I'm an RBT, and also a school paraprofessional for a student who's aggressive and says a lot of verbally inappropriate things. School and my agency knows I'm an RBT, and is hoping I apply behavior knowledge but knowing they can't officially ask me to use RBT or CPI procedures, but they can't get a school based para to stay with him who follows their training due to extreme risk. A lot of the kid's goals are of the verbiage, "will keep hands to himself...", "will not verbally aggress..." And I see the necessity of them, but also, if you visually compare to the behavior of the other kids, it's normal. I see kids all day faking throwing each other into doors WWE style, kids calling each other the N word with a hard r, even white kids, F slur on everyone, "roast battles", where kids degrade each other in ways I struggle not to find hilariously fitting of a Comedy Central roast. Most of his physicality starts by looking indistinguishable from his peers, usually an arm around the neck, or on a kid's shoulders, then after some sort of misunderstanding of a joke, or of his scripting taken as literal statement, he ends up punching a kid. He once was told "your hairline jacked." And replied "don't make me use the chaos emerald on you." (From Sonic?). Then he did a power up stance, and jumped on the other kid. My student doesn't seem to really grasp that other kids aren't scripting, and doesn't seem to grasp that he's saying things that we shouldn't say if we we're not scripting (ex.: "I'm going to obliterate you" from Dragon Ball Z, or performing an idle animation fighting stance from a game.) He's also still playing pretend with other neurodivergent friends while going onto 13 years old, like still pretending to get frozen. How do I shape behavior to be socially relevant when it's "physical but not too physical", "insult someone, but don't attack x,y,z." I'm of the personal belief that consent is golden, fight club rules at the extreme, but if you ask school officials, all the kids are wrong technically, but they can't afford the staff or energy to stop or punish them all. It would be inequitable to go harder on my student because he has a 1:1, but outside of an environment where he's known he's going to face repercussions. I also can't model the behavior for him. I've gone so far as dropping some swears "you can't hit kids just cuz they say dumb sh*t, it's gonna happen." And it's gotten some rapport out of him, but I can't model like: "Bish yo roots be the only part of you fatter than yo hippo a$$." -a quote I swear.

Round 1, Pick 14 - Taliese Fuaga, OT, Oregon State:
NFL: The Saints fill their tackle need with a feisty and powerful brawler who can make an immediate impact along the offensive line. Fuaga's presence will help the unit become more physical, which will only benefit quarterback Derek Carr and the run game.
CBS Sports: B+. He fills a major need for the Saints. They have big-time tackle issues. Fuaga is a nasty player who will start right away. Love it.
ESPN: The Saints picked a position that has been on their radar since the end of the 2023 season, and it checks a lot of boxes for a New Orleans first-round selection. Fuaga was a team captain and two-year starter for Oregon State and played in the Senior Bowl, a game that has produced a lot of Saints players. The question is how fast can he start and where on the line he fits best. Fuaga said he's open to playing on the left side and has been training for that, even though he played right tackle in college. If the Saints move him to the left side, he'll compete with 2022 first-round pick Trevor Penning. If they keep him on the right side, it could signal that the concerns about Ryan Ramczyk's knees are worse than they thought earlier in the offseason.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Is constantly asking teammates for electrical tape.
Round 2, Pick 41 - Kool-Aid McKinstry, CB, Alabama:
NFL: The secondary figured to be a spot the Saints might attack, and they traded up to land McKinstry. He's a steady, smart, solid corner with good field awareness and decent but not great ball skills. This selection feels like a solid line drive into the gap for a team that needs more reliable defenders.
CBS Sports: B+. Such a clean outside CB prospect. Press man specialty. Physical but not overly grabby. Solid, not spectacular speed. Ball skills meet the standard you want out of a higher-end starter. Good size too. Arguably the best player available. Expensive trade up.
ESPN: The Saints liked McKinstry enough to trade a fifth and sixth-round pick to move up four spots from No. 45 to No. 41. The team nabbed him in the middle of an early Day 2 run on cornerbacks. The addition of McKinstry doesn't mean it's a sure thing that the Saints deal 2017 first-round cornerback Marshon Lattimore, but it does mean that will be a potential move to watch this summer. McKinstry would join Paulson Adebo, Alontae Taylor and potentially Lattimore in the cornerback room, and he said he'd also like to contribute on special teams as a kick returner.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Was the kid who Naruto ran between classes in high school.
Round 5, Pick 150 - Spencer Rattler, QB, South Carolina:
NFL: This is lower than I imagined Rattler going, especially after six quarterbacks all went off the board in the first 12 picks. Rattler is an interesting developmental talent who has some skills that might remind Saints fans of a certain age of Aaron Brooks -- for both good and bad reasons. Well worth the pick here.
CBS Sports: A-. Former huge recruit who once received first-round buzz. Arm talent jumps off the film. Unafraid to make any throw and at South Carolina connected on many of them. Low-level athlete despite some functional movement away from pressure. Accuracy is good, and reads coverages decently. Older prospect but does have upside. Smart investment this late.
ESPN: The Saints added another quarterback just one year after signing Derek Carr and selecting Jake Haener in the fourth round of the 2023 draft. The Saints usually operate in "win now" mode with how they manage the salary cap, but the selection of Rattler indicates the Saints could be looking toward the future at that position. Rattler will compete with Haener for the backup spot behind Carr after the departure of Jameis Winston. Winston came in for Carr several times last season after Carr left three games with injuries.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Glad to be drafted but really wanted a 9-5 desk job as an actuary.
Round 5, Pick 170 - Bub Means, WR, Pittsburgh:
NFL: Means has the speed to dent the WR depth chart in New Orleans and is a good fit for what the Saints do. He has big, reliable hands and can stress a defense deep but never was a featured target in his three college stops.
CBS Sports: B+. Height/weight/speed specimen with the long-striding speed to take the lid off the defense. Tracks it well and can carry out classic possess WR duties on the boundary when he’s not going deep. Some YAC flashes but not his speciality. Prudent add, even though he’s a niche type who won’t separate a ton.
ESPN: The Saints fill another need, adding a wide receiver to account for the departure of Michael Thomas. Means ran a 4.43 second 40-yard dash at the NFL combine this year to go along with 721 yards and six touchdowns at Pitt. Means will join No.1 wideout Chris Olave, speedy Rashid Shaheed, A.T. Perry and veteran Cedrick Wilson. Dennis Allen said earlier in the offseason that they were looking for another pass catcher, and Means will join a new Saints coaching staff with a potentially revamped offense.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Is convinced if he messages the mods enough, they’ll finally listen to him.
Round 5, Pick 175 - Jaylan Ford, LB, Texas:
NFL: A thickly built thumper with monotone play speed, Ford thrives with instincts and tape study. Does he have enough athleticism to make it as more than a two-down defender? We shall see.
CBS Sports: B. Lengthy middle linebacker with some suddenness to his game. Wasted movement appear on film, so do impressive plays on the football in coverage. Not an overly physical or high-motor defender. Sifts through traffic well. Has starter traits because of his three-down ability. Although he must tackle more soundly.
ESPN: Ford will add linebacker depth and versatility, as he played both inside linebacker and outside linebacker at Texas. 35-year-old Demario Davis and Pete Werner will take the majority of the snaps, with new signee Willie Gay rotating in if the Saints are playing base defense. That means that Ford will likely be a depth piece and a special-teams player to begin his career.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Can only spell bananas by singing Holaback Girl. There is choreography too.
Round 6, Pick 199 - Khristian Boyd, DT, Northern Iowa:
NFL: He's not a great playmaker, but Boyd's mass and bull-like strength could give him a chance to be an early-down nose tackle. He's tough and reliable with good stamina.
CBS Sports: B+. Big-bodied NT with athletic prowess. Rushes tend to get high, and while he converts speed to power on occasion, if he sunk the pad level, he could be a very powerful defensive lineman. Pass-rush move arsenal isn’t barren just not relied upon often. Unique NT with DT abilities.
ESPN: The 24-year-old comes in with a lot of college experience, having started his career in 2018. The Saints like to rotate their defensive linemen, so he'll join a rotation that includes Bryan Bresee, Khalen Saunders and Nathan Shepherd. He said he prides himself on stopping the run, but also had 6.5 tackles for loss and 3.5 sacks at Northern Iowa in 2023.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He is aiming to be the greatest player ever picked 199th.
Round 7, Pick 239 - Josiah Ezirim, OT, Eastern Kentucky:
NFL: Ezirim is a converted D-lineman with two years of OL play under his belt. His outstanding mass could serve him well if the Saints are patient with Ezirim's development.
CBS Sports: A. Starter-caliber size and length to play OT at the next level. Natural power jumps off the film. Better getting across the line than climbing to second level. Grip strength is very good. Well-balanced. Not a freaky athletic specimen but has clean film. More OT help for Saints.
ESPN: It wasn't a surprise that the Saints continued to look for offensive line depth after using a first-round pick on an offensive tackle. Ezirim was a former nose tackle who moved to the offensive line during the 2021 season and became a permanent starter at RT for the last two seasons. At 6-5 and 329 pounds, he'll be the heaviest player on the team next to new OL Oli Udoh. He'll start out as a depth player.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Has a really nice fountain pen collection.

Time stamp: https://imgur.com/a/xwBslem
$425 carry handle upper -BA 11.5 barrel w fsp -H&R 6 hole hand guard -rtb a2 upper receiver -mil spec bcg -pri gas buster ch -primary arms 30mm red dot & mount -gangster grip guy light switch -flashlight lug mount -not gonna lie flash light and rear sight are fake just so I could finish the build for cheap
$80 shadow 2 Patriot defense brass grips. Agressive mid swell

A lot of time and events have passed since Ameri deduced that Iruma is human.
She hasn’t since then (atleast to us the readers) contemplated on confronting Iruma or even thought about reassuring him that the knowledge of his humanity is safe with her and that his humanity doesn’t change anything between them.
Even Ameri’s father at the start seemed very certain that Iruma is a human but now isn’t so sure himself.
Some events that support she may no longer believe.

• Evil Iruma showed Ameri that he had an evil cycle of some sort. Even though it’s fake it appeared real.
  
• His growing comfort in the netherworld.
  
• Ameri continuing to refer to him as a demon even in just one on one situations.
  

Some events that suggest his humanity to her.

• When Iruma’s perfume got washed away and he was almost eaten at the aquarium date.
  
• Ameri may have felt Irumas lack of wing roots during the deep hug they had. Her arms/hands were right over where his should be.
  
• Iruma’s continued selflessness and determination suggest his humanity.
  

I’m leaning more towards her still believing and that the confrontation about his humanity is being saved for a full blown confession. But I’d love to hear your thoughts and theories!

Round 1, Pick 8 - Michael Penix Jr., QB, Washington:
NFL: I’m not sure anyone expected Atlanta, which signed Kirk Cousins to a four-year, $180 million deal in March, to take a quarterback in the top 10, but here we are. Penix is a big-time playmaker who is the top deep-ball passer in this class. He has surgical precision and throws with good anticipation from the pocket.
CBS Sports: B-. They opted to take their quarterback of the future by taking Penix. He has all the tools, but will learn and wait behind Kirk Cousins. I wonder if he can rush the passer. Like the player, but don’t like the pick.
ESPN: Stunner. The Falcons pulled off the shocker of the first round, taking Penix earlier than just about every expert predicted. He was the fourth quarterback taken in the top 10. There's no doubt Atlanta saw something in Penix when watching him on tape and visiting him. The team sent a ton of staff to see him in recent weeks. Obviously, they felt comfortable with his durability, despite four season-ending injuries in college. Penix, a lefty, has an incredible arm, and from a skill standpoint, he's certainly right up there among the best signal callers on the board. And now he's the successor to Kirk Cousins.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Has devoted his life to the church of the flying spaghetti monster.
Round 2, Pick 35 - Ruke Orhorhoro, DT, Clemson:
NFL: Another trade, with the Falcons swooping up. And this is their second curious pick of this draft. Nothing against Orhorhoro, who has some intriguing skills and might be a better stat stuffer in the NFL than he was at Clemson. But with Johnny Newton on the board, this pick felt like a reach when you consider Atlanta's biggest need -- pass rush.
CBS Sports: B. Big, long, powerful interior rusher without many pass-rush moves. But his traits shine against the run and has enough explosion to win between gaps or with bull rushes. Expensive trade up though hurts his grade despite Falcons filling a need with quality prospect.
ESPN: The Falcons needed a pass-rusher, particularly an EDGE. Most of the impact players at that position went in the first round. Atlanta attempted to trade back into the late first, but weren't able to do so. Instead, the Falcons took Orhorhoro, a defensive tackle who has pass-rushing chops from the inside. Since 2021, Orhorhoro had 9.5 sacks lined up as a DT, which were tied for third in the ACC. The Nigeria-born Orhorhoro didn't start playing football until he was a junior in high school, so the Falcons probably like his upside.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: His bright green fanny pack when traveling is a must.
Round 3, Pick 74 - Bralen Trice, LB, Washington:
NFL: Trice was a consistent pressure source the past two years for the Huskies but had a rough pre-draft process when he shed a bunch of weight for the NFL Scouting Combine but failed to display better speed because of it. Trice was smart to bulk back up for his pro day because I think his game is predicated on winning with a combination of effort and surprising pop in his hands.
CBS Sports: A-. Bad testing hurt his stock but this is as productive of an EDGE as there is in this class. Slippery with pass-rush plans galore. Smaller than his listed weight and doesn’t have serious burst. Flashes of bend though.
ESPN: The Falcons got their pure pass-rusher and, boy, did they need it. This is a team that has had 18 fewer sacks than any other franchise in the NFL over the past three seasons. Atlanta's pass rush win rate was dead last in the league in 2023. Trice had 16 sacks over the past two seasons, which was tied for the fourth most among Power 5 players during that stretch. He's had 12 games with five or more pressures since the start of the 2022 season, which leads all FBS players. Trice played mostly outside linebacker at Washington and he had a reputation for being able to get to the quarterback.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Smells like Celestial Seasonings sleepy-time tea.
Round 4, Pick 109 - Brandon Dorlus, DT, Oregon:
NFL: Round 4 is for the Ducks. I haven't followed the Falcons' logic on every one of their selections this year, but I like Dorlus here. He can play multiple spots along the D-line and be a movable piece for Raheem Morris' unit.
CBS Sports: A-. Fun, twitchy and thick “tweener” who can literally win at any alignment along the defensive line. Isn’t the most sudden, nor the best with his hands but is so slippery between blockers. Overall athletic profile is impressive. Rushes can get too high, doesn’t play with much power. Can get washed out vs. the run. Has frame to add more weight.
ESPN: It was somewhat surprising the Falcons didn't take a cornerback here or even a safety. But the team is clearly and rapidly reshaping its defensive line, which already had quality veteran players in Grady Jarrett and David Onyemata. Dorlus is Atlanta's second straight defensive line selection. And Dorlus, who led Oregon with five sacks, is extremely versatile. He can play inside, as a defensive end or even outside linebacker. Pass-rushers were the Falcons' biggest needs and now they have three rookies who fit the bill after not taking a defender with the No. 8 overall pick as many expected.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Wants you to call your family and tell them you love and cherish them.
Round 5, Pick 143 - JD Bertrand, LB, Notre Dame:
NFL: An Atlanta native, Bertrand is a coach's dream in spite of his subpar length and injury history. He's instinctive and tough and carries a hard-hat mentality to work every day.
CBS Sports: C. So active, so smart. Always around the ball. Reads his keys in a flash. Block-avoider. Ascending coverage skill just minimal ball production at Notre Dame. High tackling numbers but also misses many.
ESPN: The Falcons are completely reshaping their front seven in this draft. In Bertrand, they not only get their second collegiate defensive team captain (Bralen Trice was captain at Washington), but also someone with significant physical tools. Bertrand was a three-year starter at Notre Dame, led the team with 76 tackles in 2023 and had 16 tackles behind the line of scrimmage this past season. He's also a former Eagle Scout and was a finalist for the Wuerffel Trophy for community service.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Prefers to code in Notepad with the wingding font.
Round 6, Pick 186 - Jase McClellan, RB, Alabama:
NFL: McClellan is a power back who runs with great toughness and exercises great ball security, fumbling only once in college on nearly 400 touches. But he's a one-dimensional runner on a team pretty loaded at running back.
CBS Sports: C+. Jack of all trades, master of none with minimal mileage on his legs. Will run away from some slower defenders but not a true burner. Receiving ability is there. Vision is a strength between the tackles. Elusive but not special in that regard. Classic scatback.
ESPN: The team needed a third running back behind Bijan Robinson and Tyler Allgeier, and that's presumably where McClellan will fit. McClellan was Alabama's primary starter for one year after returning in 2022 from a torn ACL. He ran for 890 yards on 180 carries with eight touchdowns this past season. McClellan, who's only 21, isn't flashy, but Atlanta has been taking upside and translatable physical attributes over flash this entire draft.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Kept calling the NFL at 800-635-5300 to complain about the refs.
Round 6, Pick 187 - Casey Washington, WR, Illinois:
NFL: A strong pro day helped solidify Washington as a draft pick. He looks like a solid, reliable possession receiver with natural route-running skills, but he's not special at any one thing.
CBS Sports: C. Good sized outside WR who plays with a throwback style. Jump balls, back-shoulders, etc. are his speciality. Good speed for his size too. Just doesn’t have the bend or suddenness to separate consistently.
ESPN: Depth at wide receiver was absolutely a need going into the draft, though it's still surprising the Falcons won't pick a cornerback until their final pick, if at all. Washington was sixth in the Big Ten in receiving yards during conference games (589) and finished his career with Illinois very strong -- 218 yards on nine receptions and three touchdowns against Northwestern back in November. Washington is 6-foot-2 and 200 pounds, and Atlanta did need size at the position. He'll be tied for the second tallest wide receiver on the roster after top wideout Drake London (6-4).
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Taught his goldfish to play fetch. Not the most exciting game but they’re happy.
Round 6, Pick 197 - Zion Logue, DT, Georgia:
NFL: Logue was a flash player for the two-time champion Bulldogs, often stuck behind a ton of talent in Athens. His length is outstanding, even if his production (1.5 sacks in 50-plus college games) isn't.
CBS Sports: C+. Big, long, thick SEC-tested DL with some above-average burst for his size and a pass-rush move every so often. Production never matched his size or athleticism.
ESPN: This draft, after all the controversy in the first round, was all about front-seven versatility and depth for the Falcons. Logue is a big body at 6-foot-6 and 314 pounds. And the team's fifth front-seven selection of the week. Atlanta has put a premium on length with its defenders so far and Logue has that to go along with his massive frame. The Tennessee native only started one year at Georgia, so he's relatively inexperienced with potential upside the Falcons are once again banking on.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Can eat twenty scones in a single sitting.

Welcome to the raspberry_pi Helpdesk and Frequently Asked Questions!

Link to last week's thread
Having a hard time searching for answers to your Raspberry Pi questions? Let the raspberry_pi community members search for answers for you!^† Looking for help getting started with a project? Have a question that you need answered? Was it not answered last week? Did not get a satisfying answer? A question that you've only done basic research for? Maybe something you think everyone but you knows? Ask your question in the comments on this page, operators are standing by!
This helpdesk and idea thread is here so that the front page won't be filled with these same questions day in and day out:

1. Q: What's a Raspberry Pi? What can I do with it? How powerful is it? A: Check out this great overview
2. Q: Does anyone have any ideas for what I can do with my Pi? A: Sure, look right here!^‡
3. Q: My Pi is behaving strangely/crashing/freezing, giving low voltage warnings, ethernet/wifi stops working, USB devices don't behave correctly, what do I do? A: 99.999% of the time it's either a bad SD card or power problems. Use a USB power meter or measure the 5V on the GPIO pins with a multimeter while the Pi is busy (such as playing h265/x265 video) and/or get a new SD card 1 2 3. If the voltage is less than 5V your power supply and/or cabling is not adequate. When your Pi is doing lots of work it will draw more power. Even if your power supply claims to provide sufficient amperage, it may be mislabeled or the cable you're using to connect the power supply to the Pi may have too much resistance. You can use a USB load tester to test your power supply and cable. Some power supplies require negotiation to provide more than 500mA, which the Pi does not do. If you're plugging in USB devices try using a powered USB hub with its own power supply and plug your devices into the hub and plug the hub into the Pi.
4. Q: I'm having a hard time finding a place to purchase a Raspberry Pi for an affordable price. Where's the secret place to buy one without paying more than MSRP? A: https://rpilocator.com/
5. Q: I just did a fresh install with the latest Raspberry Pi OS and I keep getting errors when trying to ssh in, what could be wrong? A: There are only 4 things that could be the problem:
   1. The ssh daemon isn't running
   2. You're trying to ssh to the wrong host
   3. You're specifying the wrong username
   4. You're typing in the wrong password
6. Q: I'm trying to install packages with pip but I keep getting error: externally-managed-environment A: This is not a problem unique to the Raspberry Pi. The best practice is to use a Python venv, however if you're sure you know what you're doing there are two alternatives documented in this stack overflow answer:
   • --break-system-packages
   • sudo rm a specific file as detailed in the stack overflow answer
7. Q: The only way to troubleshoot my problem is using a multimeter but I don't have one. What can I do? A: Get a basic multimeter, they are not expensive.
8. Q: My Pi won't boot, how do I fix it? A: Step by step guide for boot problems
9. Q: I want to watch Netflix/Hulu/Amazon/Vudu/Disney+ on a Pi but the tutorial I followed didn't work, does someone have a working tutorial? A: Use a Fire Stick/AppleTV/Roku. Pi tutorials used tricks that no longer work or are fake click bait.
10. Q: What model of Raspberry Pi do I need so I can watch YouTube in a browser? A: No model of Raspberry Pi is capable of watching YouTube smoothly through a web browser, you need to use VLC.
11. Q: I want to know how to do a thing, not have a blog/tutorial/video/teachebook explain how to do a thing. Can someone explain to me how to do that thing? A: Uh... What?
12. Q: Is it possible to use a single Raspberry Pi to do multiple things? Can a Raspberry Pi run Pi-hole and something else at the same time? A: YES. Pi-hole uses almost no resources. You can run Pi-hole at the same time on a Pi running Minecraft which is one of the biggest resource hogs. The Pi is capable of multitasking and can run more than one program and service at the same time. (Also known as "workload consolidation" by Intel people.) You're not going to damage your Pi by running too many things at once, so try running all your programs before worrying about needing more processing power or multiple Pis.
13. Q: Why is transferring things to from disks/SSDs/LAN/internet so slow? A: If you have a Pi 4 or 5 with SSD, please check this post on the Pi forums. Otherwise it's a networking problem and/or disk & filesystem problem, please go to HomeNetworking or LinuxQuestions.
14. Q: I only have one outlet and I need to plug in several devices, what do I do? A: They make things called power strips aka multi-tap extensions.
15. Q: The red and green LEDs are on/off/blinking or the screen is just black or blank or saying no signal, what do I do? A: Start here
16. Q: I'm trying to run x86 software on my Raspberry Pi but it doesn't work, how do I fix it? A: Get an x86 computer. A Raspberry Pi is ARM based, not x86.
17. Q: How can I run a script at boot/cron or why isn't the script I'm trying to run at boot/cron working? A: Try one of these numerous solutions
18. Q: Can I use this screen that came from ____ ? A: No
19. Q: I run my Pi headless and there's a problem with my Pi and the best way to diagnose it or fix it is to plug in a monitor & keyboard, what do I do? A: Plug in a monitor & keyboard.
20. Q: My Pi seems to be causing interference preventing the WiFi/Bluetooth from working A. Using USB 3 cables that are not properly shielded can cause interference and the Pi 4 can also cause interference when HDMI is used at high resolutions.
21. Q: I'm trying to use the built-in composite video output that is available on the Pi 2/3/4 headphone jack, do I need a special cable? A. Make sure your cable is wired correctly and you are using the correct RCA plug. Composite video cables for mp3 players will not work, the common ground goes to the wrong pin. Camcorder cables will often work, but red and yellow will be swapped on the Raspberry Pi.
22. Q: I'm running my Pi with no monitor connected, how can I use VNC? A: First, do you really need a remote GUI? Try using ssh instead. If you're sure you want to access the GUI remotely then ssh in, type vncserver -depth 24 -geometry 1920x1080 and see what port it prints such as :1, :2, etc. Now connect your client to that.
23. Q: I want to do something that has been well documented and there are numerous tutorials showing how to do it on Linux. How can I do it on a Raspberry Pi? A: A Raspberry Pi is a full computer running Linux and doesn't use special stripped down embedded microcontroller versions of standard Linux software. Follow one of the tutorials for doing it on Linux. Also see question #1.
24. Q: I want to do something that has been well documented and there are numerous tutorials showing how to do it with an Arduino. How can I do it on a Raspberry Pi Pico? A: Follow one of the tutorials for doing it on Arduino, a Pico can be used with the Arduino IDE.
25. Q: I'm trying to do something with Bluetooth and it's not working, how do I fix it? A: It's well established that Bluetooth and Linux don't get along, this problem is not unique to the Raspberry Pi.

Before posting your question think about if it's really about the Raspberry Pi or not. If you were using a Raspberry Pi to display recipes, do you really think raspberry_pi is the place to ask for cooking help? There may be better places to ask your question, such as:

• /AskElectronics
• /AskProgramming
• /HomeNetworking
• /LearnPython
• /LinuxQuestions
• /RetroPie
• The Official Raspberry Pi Forums

Asking in a forum more specific to your question will likely get better answers!
† See the /raspberry_pi rules. While /raspberry_pi should not be considered your personal search engine, some exceptions will be made in this help thread. ‡ If the link doesn't work it's because you're using a broken buggy mobile client. Please contact the developer of your mobile client and let them know they should fix their bug. In the meantime use a web browser in desktop mode instead.

Aurors blasted their way into Umbridge's house and found her hiding in a small, hidden room by using the spell Homenum Revelio.
She was surrounded by dozens of plates featuring cats and had rows of neatly stacked tins of cat food, which she appeared to have been eating for sustenance. In the corner of the room was a litter box. Oddly enough, however, there were no actual cats to be found.
The Aurors quickly disarmed her, magically bound her, and hauled her off to the Ministry of Magic to be placed in a holding cell until she could be arraigned.
Two days later, she was brought before the Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shackelbolt, looking slightly unkempt and tired. The entire Wizengamot, which had been noticeably thinned out since Shacklebolt had removed several members for their own crimes and/or bribery, was also in attendance.
She looked around the room and tried to find somebody who could be either an ally or someone to whom she could shift the focus, and therefore, possibly, the blame. Finding no one to fit such a criteria, she fixed her face into a contrite image and looked around at the people who were there and pled for mercy. When it became apparent that mercy was in very short supply for those in her position, she immediately claimed to have been under the Imperius Curse.
In an instant, Minister Shacklebolt's composed disposition shifted from being reserved to completely unfriendly. In a short, clipped tone, completely opposite of his typical warm, soothing, deep voice, he gave her the option to either take Veritaserum right then and there or she could go for a psychological evaluation, which was to be conducted at the Janus Thicky Ward at St. Mungo's.
Umbridge balked at the thought of being stuck in "lunatic land". That was, of course, until the Minister mentioned that being stuck under the Imperius Curse for such a prolonged time, as she was claiming, could have some serious effects on her mind. She quickly decided to keep up her pretenses and immediately agreed that she should "at least be checked out by a professional healer."
Shacklebolt issued a two week recess for the Wizengamot in relation to her case. She began to argue the time frame when he gave her a sharp look and she furiously shut her mouth. He reiterated the two week time frame and continued on to say that when they reconvened, they would hear the Healer's testimony regarding her claims and mental status.
Two Aurors, Savage and Williamson, had taken post on either side of her. Savage held her by her left arm while Williamson pulled out a white handkerchief. He secured her right hand in his and then Savage took hold of the other end of the handkerchief. As soon as he did, the portkey activated and deposited the three of them into a secure room in the Janus Thickey Ward.
After a brief intake, Healer Ashborn entered the room to remove the newest resident's personal clothing and effects and to have her put on hospital issued clothes, which were a drab, dingy grey colour. Umbridge pinched the material between her forefinger and thumb before raising it up to eye level and informing the Healer that she refused to put on something so colorless and disgusting. Healer Ashborn donned a nonchalant smirk and informed her that if it was not done willingly and swiftly that she would have no other choice but to Evanesco her personal belongings to the hospital rubbish bin and charm the hospital clothes on with a sticking spell for good measure.
Less than 2 minutes later, she was dressed and being escorted by the Aurors to her bed, which was surrounded by silver framed dividers with pale blue cloth to block the view of the neighboring beds.
As the Aurors turned their attention to make some notes on their paperwork, Umbridge made a sickly sweet noise as she cleared her throat. "Hem-hem. Am I not being given a private room?" She let out a childish giggle.
The Aurors looked at her incredulously, then at each other. Finally, Auror Savage spoke up, "Private rooms are not given to possible war criminals."
Scowling, Umbridge scoffed loudly and said, "Well, I never! I will be writing a letter to the Minister of Magic about this."
Auror Williamson spoke up then, "You think we don't take our orders from the Minister regarding this? You writing a letter won't change anything."
"How dare you! I am Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister -"
"Not anymore, you're not " Auror Savage said coldly, effectively cutting her off. "You are a person on trial for war crimes and a provisional resident of the Janus Thicky Ward due to your claim of being cursed. Now, you have been magically bound to be within 5 feet of your bed, meals will be brought to you, and a member of the staff will escort you to the lavatory. You are not permitted to have a wand and that cuff on your wrist is a magic binder. Since we have completed our duties, we shall now take our leave. The Chief Healer will see you tomorrow morning. Good day, Ms. Umbridge."
She pointed a finger at them while trying to maintain her calm and hissed "Now see here. You cannot just leave me here with all these crazy people, especially while bound with no magic." Her right eye twitched.
Auror Williamson raised his eyebrow at her while he took out the white handkerchief. He held it out to his partner, and, after Savage had taken hold, he activated the portkey without saying another word and they disappeared.
Umbridge sat down onto the rather thin mattress and listened as the springs shrieked as though in agony.
Well, at least I'll be using a real toilet instead of that litterbox, she thought to herself. This will be like a nice vacation. I can order my favorite meals and have some nice wine while I relax.
At that moment, Gilderoy Lockhart popped his head around the partition. "Hello," he said with a big smile and in his shmooziest of voices. "I see you're new. Nice bracelet...." he trailed off for a moment. Coming back around, he added, "Don't mind the bed. They all shriek a bit. Well, not mine, of course. I just had to smile at it a couple of times, aheh. Now it sings to me."
She narrowed her eyes while feeling even more flustered than before. "Why are you here," she spat.
"What a stupendous question. Eh...," he started but clearly began to mentally wander again.
"Can't you manage a simple straight answer," she snapped.
"Well, you see... I simply can't remember." He let out a light chuckle and pulled his eyebrows slightly together while pasting on his best grin. Why not? After all, it worked for his bed.
"Yes, well, be sure to maintain your distance. I won't have you loitering about my space. Move along." She waved him off.
She promptly learned that her stay was going to be nothing like a vacation; no favorite meals, no wine, and certainly no relaxing.
As the days wore on, Lockhart managed to finagle his way into her area for most of the day - everyday. One day he was particularly on her nerves after having rambled on and on about a dream of a very large snake and falling rocks.
Umbridge, losing control of the situation with such an utter nitwit, suddenly burst out in her annoyance. "Enough, Mr. Lockhart!" Later that day, she ended up scratching herself nearly raw due to a mild case of hives.
As hard as she tried to keep her sanity about her, he just seemed to suck it away from her. It was almost as though the more insane she felt, the saner he seemed. Could it be that he had devised a way to steal her sanity and replace it with his insanity? She became more and more leery of him as the days went by until, at one point, a near frantic paranoia set in. She spent the rest of that day completely sedated.
She begged the staff to be moved, but Cheif Healer Pye said they could not due to the restrictions placed by the Auror Department. She ordered for Lockhart to be switched to a different location. In that instance, Healer Pye said that he would not as it could disrupt Mr. Lockhart's frame of mind and treatment, causing him to relapse. She pulled her hair, stomped her feet like a petulant child, and screamed until she was Silenced and magically bound to the bed to keep her from hurting herself.
At the end of the two weeks, Umbridge found herself magically shackled and standing in front of the Minister and the Wizengamot once more. The Chief Healer was also in attendance and reported to the court that while he found absolutely zero proof of her ever having been under the Imperius Curse, he felt it was best that she remained in custody whether at St. Mungo's or Azkaban, as she was a danger to herself and others due to her mental instability.
Umbridge let out a small giggle as the Cheif Healer finished speaking. Minister Shacklebolt turned his head back to face her, catching her smile before she could mask her face. He narrowed his eyes at her and asked if she had anything to say. She quickly donned her saccharine smile.
"Thank you, Minister. While it may be difficult for some people to understand all the hard work and pressure of working at the Ministry, I, for one, am ready to stay the task to get the job done. I shall be ready to resume my official post as Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic in two days time. Of course, I will need to completely redecorate my office as I'm certain that whomever has been occupying it has completely destroyed -"
"Madam." Shacklebolt had cut her off. He was done hearing her rubbish as she tried to take control of the situation. "You will not be reinstated in any sense to any position in the Ministry. You will, however, be able to enjoy your cell at the now dementor-free portion of Azkaban."
"How dare you!" Her fake smile and childish voice dropped away.
Any members of the Wizengamot who were not completely sure of her guilt nearly got whiplash with how fast she changed her demeanor. Many people began to whisper to each other about rumors they had heard that they now believed to be most likely true. She continued to glare at Shacklebolt.
"After everything I have done and sacrificed for the Ministry. After all the lying, magic-stealing mudbloods I sentenced for the sake of our world. How dare you think for one minute that you can just send me off to that dilapidated cesspool; that disgusting hell hole?!" She had began in a directed, hushed yell and finished in an irritated, huffing screech.
As the court witnessed her continued outburst, they whispered even more to each other. Shacklebolt patiently waited as she further unraveled while admitting to more crimes.
She finally cracked and shrieked out to the room. "Quit your whispering about me! I have done nothing but rid these disgusting mudbloods and blood traitors from among us! ORDER! Listen to me! I will have order!" She began pointing at different Wizengamot members who had opposed the corrupt Ministry while it was ran by Voldemort's puppets.
Having heard enough, Shacklebolt banged his gavel on the podium. The Wizengamot became completely silent as Umbridge continued to screech "I will have order! I will have order!"
Shacklebolt then picked up his wand and cast a Silencing charm in her direction. Umbridge's right eye twitched away as she continued screaming her Silenced "I will have order" chant.
The Minister looked to the Chief Healer and asked if Azkaban had a mental ward that was suitable for Ms. Umbridge. He responded to the affirmative. Umbridge was henceforth sentenced and taken to the mental ward of Azkaban.
Within a week, she had lost her privileges to use utensils, as she had used one to draw a rudimentary cat on her wall to which she was often observed speaking.
"Cordelia, you must bathe yourself. I refuse to have you in my presence whilst unkempt. I will have order." Her eyes glassed over and she stared at the wall without really seeing it as she continued to repeat, "I will have order. I will have order. I will... have......order."

Round 1, Pick 23 - Brian Thomas Jr., WR, LSU:
NFL: After the departure of Calvin Ridley in free agency, the Jaguars were determined to find a physical, fast receiver who could give them a vertical element in the pass game. They found it in Thomas, a stud who found the end zone 17 times last season for LSU. This is a big addition for Trevor Lawrence and Co.
CBS Sports: B+. This is a heck of a move for a team that needs another young weapon. He can fly and his best football is in front of him. Watch out for their offense in 2024.
ESPN: Thomas is one of the biggest (6-foot-3, 209 pounds) and fastest receivers in the draft (4.33 40-yard dash at the combine). His production in the SEC was elite in 2023: 17.3 yards per catch, 17 TD catches. He gives the Jaguars something they haven't had since Allen Robinson II (2014-17): Someone who can go up and get 50-50 balls and provide a big red-zone target. The Jaguars threw few end-zone fade routes the past several seasons, but that should change with Thomas, who had 10 TD catches on go or fade routes last season, the second-most in FBS to Rome Odunze.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Enjoys the Browns, Texans, and Vikings and this pick had it all.
Round 2, Pick 48 - Maason Smith, DT, LSU:
NFL: When I spoke to Smith last week, he made sure to highlight his workout with the Jaguars -- his final team visit -- as clearly his best. The Jags agreed. Smith has first-round tools but has been beset by injuries and a rotating cast of defensive coaches at LSU. His production is lacking, but his potential is downright exciting. If they're patient, the Jaguars might have something here.
CBS Sports: B-. Highly touted recruit who dealt with injuries and never quite met hype in college. Tall, sleek interior player who flashes that big-recruit talent at times just not ultra consistent. Won’t be limited athletically in the NFL. Rushes get far too high, which saps his power. Nice arm over but really his only move. Fills a need.
ESPN: The Jaguars needed to bolster their run defense, which faded down the stretch in 2023, and get younger on the defensive line. The 6-foot-5, 306-pounder can play inside as well as at defensive end, which gives the Jaguars some versatility along the front with Roy Robertson-Harris and DaVon Hamilton. Hamilton had a disappointing season in 2023 because of a back infection and he never reached the level he did in 2022, which earned him a contract extension. The Jaguars also released NT Folorunso Fatukasi this spring after two disappointing seasons, so adding depth along the defensive front was a priority.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: His record in the fuzzy bunny challenge is 19.
Round 3, Pick 96 - Jarrian Jones, CB, Florida State:
NFL: Measuring nearly 6-feet and running a 4.38-second 40-yard dash helped Jones' cause quite a bit. He has inside and outside experience but likely will be a nickel corner in the NFL. I thought he was a Day 3 prospect because of his short arms and long injury history, but Jones has gone up against talented receivers and won some battles.
CBS Sports: B. Taller than most nickel CBs but has requisite twitch and possesses the vertical juice to carry deep routes. Change of direction is very good but just not consistent. Tends to get his pads high when trying to ID the play, which saps his quickness. Unreliable tackler. Good ball skills and destroys screens on regular basis.
ESPN: The 6-foot, 190-pound Jones lined up primarily in the slot in 2023, so that's where he'll start with the Jaguars. The Jaguars signed CB Ronald Darby in free agency to play on the outside opposite Tyson Campbell. Head coach Doug Pederson said at the owners meetings that Darnell Savage Jr., whom they also signed in March, would be playing nickel, so Jones joins the rotation there along with Antonio Johnson. Jones has good speed (he ran 4.38 in the 40 at the combine) and has played outside at FSU at times as well, but the team has confidence that Darby can be the starter.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Rolex? Bulova? Omega? Patek Philippe? This man is CASIO all the way.
Round 4, Pick 114 - Javon Foster, OT, Missouri:
NFL: Foster has excellent experience at left tackle, and he looked facile at right tackle at the Senior Bowl. He's not an exceptional athlete but has good length, is patient in pass protection and can quietly get the job done. He's likely a swing tackle to start out.
CBS Sports: B+. College OT who has the frame to stay there but maybe not the overall athletic profile. Power and quick-setting skills shine. Can win ugly and importantly shows recovery skill. This is a smart investment. Just gets the job done on a routine basis.
ESPN: The Jaguars have only one offensive tackle under contract beyond this season (right Anton Harrison) so this was a position the Jaguars needed to address. Foster started 39 games at left tackle and two at right tackle at Missouri but he won't be asked to play in 2024 unless there are injuries to left tackle Cam Robinson and swing tackle Walker Little -- or the Jaguars decide to trade Robinson, in which case the 24-year-old Foster could become the swing tackle as a rookie.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Spends all day writing letters to bring back Club Penguin.
Round 4, Pick 116 - Jordan Jefferson, DT, LSU:
NFL: That's the third LSU player the Jags have selected, and the fourth SEC player. Jefferson is one of three Tigers DTs in this draft class, and he is a bull-strong battler inside. However, he might have to make it as an early-down run-stopper because of his lack of pass-rush juice.
CBS Sports: D+. Classic wide-bodied DT who thrives against the run. Thick frame. Block-shedding skills are well-developed but has no pass-rush plans. Active on passing downs just rarely gets home. Length is a plus and he’s an above-average athlete for a future NT. Not a bad player just limited and this feels early.
ESPN: Jefferson is the third LSU player -- and second on defense -- the Jaguars have drafted so far. It's clear the Jaguars are mining inside linebackers coach Matt House, who spent the past two seasons as LSU's defensive coordinator. The 6-foot-4, 317-pound Jefferson -- who played three seasons at West Virginia before transferring to LSU -- showed off his upper body strength at the combine by benching 225 pounds 34 times. The Jaguars' run defense faded in the second half of the season and played a major role in a season-ending loss to Tennessee -- Derrick Henry ran for a season-high 153 yards -- and the team cut nose tackle Folorunso Fatukasi in March so an upgrade along the interior of the defensive line was a priority in the draft.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He has suffered from Ailurophobia for as long as he can remember.
Round 5, Pick 153 - Deantre Prince, CB, Mississippi:
NFL: Prince's speed gives him a chance, either as a corner or on special teams, but his lean, shorter frame could be problematic. He was a reliable contributor for the Rebels over the past several seasons.
CBS Sports: B. Outside CB with rockets attached his cleats. Can really run. Route-recognition skills must improve. High-effort type vs. the run but blockers devour him too often. Instinctive in coverage when everything is in front of him. Plays more athletically than his workout. With coaching can be solid pro.
ESPN: The Jaguars continue to add to the secondary with Prince, who lined up almost exclusively outside in college. He had six interceptions and 21 pass breakups in four seasons for the Rebels and one interception in one season at Northeast Mississippi Community College. He worked as a gunner on punt coverage as well, and his best chance to make an impact as a rookie will likely be on special teams.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Won’t eat bugles until after he’s had them on his fingers like claws.
Round 5, Pick 167 - Keilan Robinson, RB, Texas:
NFL: Three straight backs off the board. The Jaguars probably needed more RB depth, and Robinson brings top-shelf speed to Jacksonville. In a crowded Texas backfield, Robinson had to scrap for every offensive touch (156 total in 45 career games) he received. His meal ticket likely will be as a gadget-play specialist or gunner or jammer on special teams.
CBS Sports: C-. Played behind two studs at Texas but made the most of his minimal attempts. Has breakaway speed in a smaller frame. Not a very decisive runner who can win with his vision alone. Not ultra twitchy and elusive. Has some return ability. But this is too early for a developmental type.
ESPN: Robinson started his college career at Alabama and finished at Texans. He ran for 796 yards and eight touchdowns, but he has more value as a kick returner. He averaged 23.6 yards per kickoff return on 39 returns in his career. The Jaguars signed receivereturner Devin Duvernay to replace Jamal Agnew, but the new kickoff rule makes returners more valuable and teams may opt to put two returners on the field at the same time. He also covered kicks at Texas so this is a special teams pick for the Jaguars.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: The only thing worse than being drafted here is having to know TheFencingCoach.
Round 6, Pick 212 - Cam Little, K, Arkansas:
NFL: Our third kicker in a short span here. Little arguably has the best leg talent of the three and can hit all the way out to the 60-plus-yard range. But his inconsistencies (including at the combine) could make him a bit untrustworthy if he struggles in late-game situations.
CBS Sports: B-. Three years of 80-plus percent make rate on field goals in the SEC.
ESPN: Little is the most accurate kicker in Arkansas history, making 82.8% of his attempts (53 of 64) in his three-year career. He also never missed a PAT (129 for 129). He'll be the third kicker on the roster, joining Joey Slye and Riley Patterson, who kicked the game-winning field goal in the Jaguars' 31-30 victory over the Los Angeles Chargers in a wild card playoff game following the 2022 regular season. The Jaguars had agreed to terms with Denver kicker Wil Lutz in free agency but Lutz decided to return to the Broncos, so Little would likely be the favorite to win the competition with Slye and Patterson.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He is excited to find out where the 36th NFL team is located.
Round 7, Pick 236 - Myles Cole, DE, Texas Tech:
NFL: Finding the right technique for Cole will be key, as he lacks the bulk to handle full-time interior duty, but his unusual traits (especially his length) make him a fun Round 7 dice roll.
CBS Sports: B. Absolutely enormous, freaky long EDGE. Moves well for his size but wasn’t overly productive in college. Has hand work but too often blocks stick to him. Does not deploy his length as an advantage. Has to add that to his arsenal.
ESPN: Cole's measurables at the combine were impressive: 36 7/8-inch arms (longest of any player) and a 7-foot-3 wingspan. He also ran a 4.67-second 40-yard dash, which is impressive for a 6-foot-6, 278-pounder. But his college production wasn't as impressive, with five sacks in six seasons (four years at Louisiana-Monroe and two at Texas Tech). He's a developmental project.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Thinks Sisko was, no IS, the best Trek captain.

Hi - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Each week I post a summary recap of the week's top stories, which I cover in depth with sources in the full edition. Let's dive in...
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STAT OF THE WEEK: Kohl's sales have shrunk by $2.3B since 2019. During that same period of time, the company lost 1.3M customers who no longer shop with the retailer.
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BigCommerce is exploring a sale after attracting takeover interest, according to sources who chose to remain anonymous due to the confidentiality of the information. The sources said that BigCommerce asked investment bank Qatalyst Partners to solicit interest from potential buyers that include private equity firms, but that the discussions are at an early stage and no deal is certain.
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Squarespace announced that it will be going private in a $6.9B all-cash deal with private-equity firm Permira, who agreed to pay $44 per share (a roughly 30% premium). Although Squarespace never lost 90% of its share price like BigCommerce, it has experienced a tumultuous time on the market since its IPO in May 2021 — opening around $49.50 and at times trading in the low $20s. Shares rose nearly 13% to $43 in pre-market trading upon release of the news.
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ByteDance filed a lawsuit in US federal court seeking to block the new law that would force the sale or ban of the app within the country. The lawsuit challenges the law on constitutional grounds, also citing commercial, technical, and legal hurdles, as well as opposition from Beijing. Legal experts say the legal battle will play out in the courts in coming months and likely will reach the Supreme Court.
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OpenAI unveiled its newest model, GPT-4o, designed to turn ChatGPT into a digital personal assistant that can engage in real-time, spoken conversations and interact with users using text, screenshots, photos, documents, and charts. The new version of ChatGPT also has memory capabilities, which means it can learn from previous conversations. It will be available to both unpaid and premium customers alike. OpenAI also announced that it would be launching a desktop app with the GPT-4o capabilities, giving users another platform to interact with the technology outside of a web browser.
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Amazon launched in South Africa last week, marking its first marketplace in sub-Saharan Africa, and bringing its total number of marketplaces worldwide to 22. To launch the new marketplace, Amazon is offering free delivery on first orders and on subsequent orders above R500 (about $27), access to 3,000 pick-up points, status updates via WhatsApp to track orders, 30 day refunds, and 24/7 customer support. The marketplace was supposed to launch in the country in 2023, but got delayed due to changes in priorities within Amazon.
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In an unlikely partnership, Instacart is partnering with Uber Eats to expand into the restaurant delivery business. Instacart will add a new tab for restaurant delivery to its app in the coming weeks, the listings will be provided by Uber, and the food will be picked up and delivered by Uber Eats drivers. Customers will receive the same prices on both apps and Instacart will receive an affiliate commission on orders. It's a strange partnership though given that Instacart and Uber Eats actively compete on grocery delivery. Are they planning to merge? Uber says no.
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Apple's advertisement for its latest iPad Pro sparked criticism for showing an animation of musical instruments, paint cans, cameras, record players, and other symbols of creativity being crushed by a giant machine, with the output being the new iPad Pro, which the company says is the thinnest Apple product ever. In this context, “crushing” was supposed to symbolize “consolidating” and “compacting” — with the visuals meant to showcase how the new iPad Pro puts the power of all these tools into the hands of creators in one thin device. However online commenters criticized the ad as insensitive and as symbolizing a “destruction of the human experience.” The ad hit the web on Tuesday, and by Thursday, Apple issued a mea culpa and apologized for the campaign.
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Google is encouraging merchants to enable conversion annotations on their Google Shopping ads, which offer social proof that highlight a product's popularity. Conversion annotations like “best selling” or “3K shopped here recently” would provide visual cues about a product’s popularity or sales performance directly in the ad unit. Annotations like these are par for the course with e-commerce retailers including Amazon, Walmart, and Temu, which all employ similar tactics. They can provide valuable info for shoppers and also help with conversions. However they also open data privacy concerns, given that Google is not the actual retailer or marketplace selling the items, so a merchant would have to share this purchase history data from their e-commerce platform with Google — which technically most already do by giving access to GA4.
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Shein is attempting to join the National Retail Federation as it pursues regulatory approval to go public in the US. The company believes that NRF membership would boost its chances of receiving SEC approval. However so far, Shein has been rejected numerous times. An anonymous source familiar with the matter said someone with heavy influence at the NRF is strongly against the Shein's admittance. However board members who spoke to CNBC said that Shein's membership application hadn't come up in meetings, and that they aren't involved in deciding which companies are granted access.
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Amazon is leading the way with selling home goods, capturing 18.8% of consumer home furnishings spending, compared to Walmart's 7.3% market share. Notably, Amazon’s gains in the furniture category come in spite of the company’s decision to phase out two of its three furniture brands last year.
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Stanley, which is projected to do $750M in sales this year, up from $73M in 2019, after seeing its water bottles become a status symbol thanks to TikTok, is now expanding into trendier accessories. The company is launching a line of bags called the All-Day Collection which include a mini cooler, backpack cooler, and Quencher Carry-All, designed for someone to sling their Stanley over their hip.
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Jack Dorsey left the Bluesky board and deleted his account on the service he helped kickstart, claiming that Bluesky was “literally repeating all the mistakes” he made while running Twitter. Dorsey says he never intended Bluesky to be an independent company, but rather, an open source protocol that Twitter was supposed to be the first client of. He also confirmed that he is financially backing Nostr, another decentralized Twitter-like service popular among crypto enthusiasts and run by an anonymous founder.
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Amazon is deploying 50 electric trucks in California, which it claims is the largest EV fleet in the country, as part of its mission to eliminate pollution from its global operations. The trucks will be integrated into first-mile operations, moving goods from container ships at the ports to fulfillment centers, as well as middle-mile operations, transporting packages from fulfillment centers to delivery centers.
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Wix launched a new tool called AI Portfolio Creator, which allows a user to upload and organize large-scale image collections, select the type of portfolio they want, and then have the AI tool sort and generate a portfolio with clustered images, recommended titles and descriptions, and personalized layout options.
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Amazon is now requiring all dietary supplements to be verified by a third-party testing, inspection, and certification organization — which is something that not even the FDA requires. Amazon is the largest supplement retailer in the US ahead of Walmart and Target, and its new requirements are expected to put more pressure on the industry, which is being scrutinized more than ever.
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Alibaba is revamping its flagship retail website Taobao for the first time in seven years with a focus on providing a smoother search and buying process. The website overhaul comes ahead of the 618 sales event, China's second-largest annual shopping event. A few weeks ago I reported that Eddie Wu, the CEO of Alibaba Group, would now be directly overseeing its domestic e-commerce arm which includes Taobao and Tmall Group, and it sounds like he's hitting the ground running with his new responsibilities.
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Amazon is hosting its first-ever Amazon Book Sale, a new shopping event starting on May 15th that offers up to 50% off print best sellers and up to 80% off Kindle Books. The six day shopping event will exclusively run in the US, and Prime-membership is not required to take advantage of the deals.
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FTX reported that nearly all of its customers will receive the money back that they are owed, two years after the cryptocurrency exchange imploded. The company owes about $11.2B to its customers and estimates that it has between $14.5B and $16.3B to distribute to them. The caveat is that customers will receive the USD value of their holdings at the time of the exchange collapse, and not the actual crypto holdings themselves, which means that they'll miss out on all gains during the past two years during which BTC went from around $16k to now over $60k. Better than nothing though, that's for sure.
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800,000 consumers in Europe and the US were duped into sharing card details and other sensitive personal data with a network of fake online designer shops operated from China, which comprised one of the largest scams of its kind with 76,000 fake websites created. The scammers used expired domains to host its fake shops in order to help avoid detection by websites or brand owners, and more than 1M orders were processed in the past three years alone.
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Beyond Inc, which owns Bed Bath & Beyond, Overstock, and Zulily, reported that its Q1 net loss swelled to $72M from $10M a year ago, while its operating loss widened to $58M from $8M. The company's active customers grew to 6M, up 26% from nearly 5M a year ago, however, its average order value dropped to $173 from $220 a year earlier.
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TikTok will begin automatically labeling AI generated content when it is uploaded from certain platforms like DALL.E 3, Adobe Firefly, Photoshop, and Microsoft Copilot. TikTok will also start attaching Content Credentials to content, which will remain on the media when downloaded, allowing other platforms to read the metadata.
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eBay is testing an Add To Cart button in search results that opens a Quick View window, allowing buyers to skip the listing page. Technically the button should probably not be labeled “Add To Cart” since it doesn't perform that action, but rather, displays a quick view window with three buttons: Buy It Now, Add To Cart, View All Details. Sellers are worried that buyers will miss crucial details in the product description that may lead to increased returns and negative feedback.
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Amazon is planning to launch its fleet of drones in Tolleson, Arizona, but the city's extreme temperature is hampering its efforts. Drones can't operate in temperatures exceeding 104 degrees Fahrenheit, a temperature that Tolleson crosses for a full three months of the year.
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A US district judge dismissed X's lawsuit against Bright Data, a data-scraping company accused of improperly accessing X system and violating X terms and state laws when scraping and selling data. The judge basically said that if X owned the data, it could perhaps argue that it has exclusive rights to control it, but then X wouldn't be able to enjoy the safe harbor of Section 230, which allows the platform to avoid liability for third-party content. Can't have it both ways!
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Nintendo is discontinuing its X integration for the switch on June 10th, which means users will no longer be able to post screenshots or videos to the platform from their device. The drop in support also affects games like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which had game-specific options to send out tweets. Microsoft Xbox dropped support for X in April 2023 and Sony Playstation dropped the service in October 2023 due to the increase in X's API access fees.
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Amazon claimed that its recordable incident rate — a metric that comprises all injuries requiring “more than basic first-aid treatment” — at its US warehouses has improved by 24% since 2019. However the National Employment Law Project challenged Amazon's injury data in a report last week, claiming that Amazon's overall injury rate in 2023 was 71% higher than that of other employers in the sector at 6.5 cases per 100 workers.
___
Amazon Ads announced three new advertising formats for streaming TV including shoppable carousel ads, interactive pause ads, and interactive trivia ads. Amazon did not say when the new ad types would officially launch, but noted that it will formally present them at a presentation on May 14th.
___
Meta is rolling out an expanded set of generative AI ad tools that can create full image variations with text overlays, expand images to fit across different aspect ratios, and generate alternate versions of headlines and other ad text. The features will become available globally to advertisers by the end of the year.
___
Square introduced a tool called Square Kiosk to allow self-service ordering at fast food restaurants. The device is a combined software, hardware, and payment solution that allows customers to select exactly what they want with customization options, upgrades, and add-ons.
___
The European Parliament announced new measures to make packaging more sustainable and reduce packaging waste in the EU, including reduction targets of 15% by 2040 — which sounds far away but is only 16 years away?! As part of the new rules, the EU will set maximum empty space ratios for e-commerce transportation, ban certain single-use plastic packaging types, and beverage distributors and take-away food will have to offer consumers the option of bringing their own container.
___
Indians who pre-ordered Teslas in 2016 are giving up and seeking refunds of their deposits after Elon Musk canceled another visit to the country last month. Disillusioned Tesla enthusiasts in India say they will now buy a car from the company only if they see it in a showroom, or they'll buy a different electrical vehicle from a company that actually exists in the country.
___
Target is limiting its Pride Month collection to select stores this year instead of rolling out the merchandise nationwide like it typically has for the past decade, due to backlash the retailer experienced last year. Last May customers in certain stores knocked down LGBTQ+ merchandise displays, angrily approached store employees, and posted threatening videos on social media from inside the stores.
___
E-commerce spending from Jan 1 to April 30, 2024 rose 7% YoY to $331.6B, according to Adobe Analytics. One trend Adobe identified during the period is a shift of online spending to purchasing the cheapest goods across personal care, electronics, apparel, home & garden, furniture, and grocery.
___
Plus 7 seed rounds, IPOs, and acquisitions of interest, including Shopify's acquisition of Peel, a tool that integrates with a merchant's tech stack including Klaviyo and Recharge and helps them analyze their sales data to improve customer retention.
___
I hope you found this recap helpful. See you next week!
PAUL Editor of Shopifreaks E-Commerce Newsletter
PS: If I missed any big news this week, please share in the comments.

Hi - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Each week I post a summary recap of the week's top stories, which I cover in depth in the newsletter. Let's dive in...
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STAT OF THE WEEK: Kohl's sales have shrunk by $2.3B since 2019. During that same period of time, the company lost 1.3M customers who no longer shop with the retailer.
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BigCommerce is exploring a sale after attracting takeover interest, according to sources who chose to remain anonymous due to the confidentiality of the information. The sources said that BigCommerce asked investment bank Qatalyst Partners to solicit interest from potential buyers that include private equity firms, but that the discussions are at an early stage and no deal is certain.
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Squarespace announced that it will be going private in a $6.9B all-cash deal with private-equity firm Permira, who agreed to pay $44 per share (a roughly 30% premium). Although Squarespace never lost 90% of its share price like BigCommerce, it has experienced a tumultuous time on the market since its IPO in May 2021 — opening around $49.50 and at times trading in the low $20s. Shares rose nearly 13% to $43 in pre-market trading upon release of the news.
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ByteDance filed a lawsuit in US federal court seeking to block the new law that would force the sale or ban of the app within the country. The lawsuit challenges the law on constitutional grounds, also citing commercial, technical, and legal hurdles, as well as opposition from Beijing. Legal experts say the legal battle will play out in the courts in coming months and likely will reach the Supreme Court.
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OpenAI unveiled its newest model, GPT-4o, designed to turn ChatGPT into a digital personal assistant that can engage in real-time, spoken conversations and interact with users using text, screenshots, photos, documents, and charts. The new version of ChatGPT also has memory capabilities, which means it can learn from previous conversations. It will be available to both unpaid and premium customers alike. OpenAI also announced that it would be launching a desktop app with the GPT-4o capabilities, giving users another platform to interact with the technology outside of a web browser.
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Amazon launched in South Africa last week, marking its first marketplace in sub-Saharan Africa, and bringing its total number of marketplaces worldwide to 22. To launch the new marketplace, Amazon is offering free delivery on first orders and on subsequent orders above R500 (about $27), access to 3,000 pick-up points, status updates via WhatsApp to track orders, 30 day refunds, and 24/7 customer support. The marketplace was supposed to launch in the country in 2023, but got delayed due to changes in priorities within Amazon.
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In an unlikely partnership, Instacart is partnering with Uber Eats to expand into the restaurant delivery business. Instacart will add a new tab for restaurant delivery to its app in the coming weeks, the listings will be provided by Uber, and the food will be picked up and delivered by Uber Eats drivers. Customers will receive the same prices on both apps and Instacart will receive an affiliate commission on orders. It's a strange partnership though given that Instacart and Uber Eats actively compete on grocery delivery. Are they planning to merge? Uber says no.
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Apple's advertisement for its latest iPad Pro sparked criticism for showing an animation of musical instruments, paint cans, cameras, record players, and other symbols of creativity being crushed by a giant machine, with the output being the new iPad Pro, which the company says is the thinnest Apple product ever. In this context, “crushing” was supposed to symbolize “consolidating” and “compacting” — with the visuals meant to showcase how the new iPad Pro puts the power of all these tools into the hands of creators in one thin device. However online commenters criticized the ad as insensitive and as symbolizing a “destruction of the human experience.” The ad hit the web on Tuesday, and by Thursday, Apple issued a mea culpa and apologized for the campaign.
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Google is encouraging merchants to enable conversion annotations on their Google Shopping ads, which offer social proof that highlight a product's popularity. Conversion annotations like “best selling” or “3K shopped here recently” would provide visual cues about a product’s popularity or sales performance directly in the ad unit. Annotations like these are par for the course with e-commerce retailers including Amazon, Walmart, and Temu, which all employ similar tactics. They can provide valuable info for shoppers and also help with conversions. However they also open data privacy concerns, given that Google is not the actual retailer or marketplace selling the items, so a merchant would have to share this purchase history data from their e-commerce platform with Google — which technically most already do by giving access to GA4.
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Shein is attempting to join the National Retail Federation as it pursues regulatory approval to go public in the US. The company believes that NRF membership would boost its chances of receiving SEC approval. However so far, Shein has been rejected numerous times. An anonymous source familiar with the matter said someone with heavy influence at the NRF is strongly against the Shein's admittance. However board members who spoke to CNBC said that Shein's membership application hadn't come up in meetings, and that they aren't involved in deciding which companies are granted access.
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Amazon is leading the way with selling home goods, capturing 18.8% of consumer home furnishings spending, compared to Walmart's 7.3% market share. Notably, Amazon’s gains in the furniture category come in spite of the company’s decision to phase out two of its three furniture brands last year.
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Stanley, which is projected to do $750M in sales this year, up from $73M in 2019, after seeing its water bottles become a status symbol thanks to TikTok, is now expanding into trendier accessories. The company is launching a line of bags called the All-Day Collection which include a mini cooler, backpack cooler, and Quencher Carry-All, designed for someone to sling their Stanley over their hip.
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Jack Dorsey left the Bluesky board and deleted his account on the service he helped kickstart, claiming that Bluesky was “literally repeating all the mistakes” he made while running Twitter. Dorsey says he never intended Bluesky to be an independent company, but rather, an open source protocol that Twitter was supposed to be the first client of. He also confirmed that he is financially backing Nostr, another decentralized Twitter-like service popular among crypto enthusiasts and run by an anonymous founder.
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Amazon is deploying 50 electric trucks in California, which it claims is the largest EV fleet in the country, as part of its mission to eliminate pollution from its global operations. The trucks will be integrated into first-mile operations, moving goods from container ships at the ports to fulfillment centers, as well as middle-mile operations, transporting packages from fulfillment centers to delivery centers.
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Wix launched a new tool called AI Portfolio Creator, which allows a user to upload and organize large-scale image collections, select the type of portfolio they want, and then have the AI tool sort and generate a portfolio with clustered images, recommended titles and descriptions, and personalized layout options.
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Amazon is now requiring all dietary supplements to be verified by a third-party testing, inspection, and certification organization — which is something that not even the FDA requires. Amazon is the largest supplement retailer in the US ahead of Walmart and Target, and its new requirements are expected to put more pressure on the industry, which is being scrutinized more than ever.
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Alibaba is revamping its flagship retail website Taobao for the first time in seven years with a focus on providing a smoother search and buying process. The website overhaul comes ahead of the 618 sales event, China's second-largest annual shopping event. A few weeks ago I reported that Eddie Wu, the CEO of Alibaba Group, would now be directly overseeing its domestic e-commerce arm which includes Taobao and Tmall Group, and it sounds like he's hitting the ground running with his new responsibilities.
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Amazon is hosting its first-ever Amazon Book Sale, a new shopping event starting on May 15th that offers up to 50% off print best sellers and up to 80% off Kindle Books. The six day shopping event will exclusively run in the US, and Prime-membership is not required to take advantage of the deals.
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FTX reported that nearly all of its customers will receive the money back that they are owed, two years after the cryptocurrency exchange imploded. The company owes about $11.2B to its customers and estimates that it has between $14.5B and $16.3B to distribute to them. The caveat is that customers will receive the USD value of their holdings at the time of the exchange collapse, and not the actual crypto holdings themselves, which means that they'll miss out on all gains during the past two years during which BTC went from around $16k to now over $60k. Better than nothing though, that's for sure.
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800,000 consumers in Europe and the US were duped into sharing card details and other sensitive personal data with a network of fake online designer shops operated from China, which comprised one of the largest scams of its kind with 76,000 fake websites created. The scammers used expired domains to host its fake shops in order to help avoid detection by websites or brand owners, and more than 1M orders were processed in the past three years alone.
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Beyond Inc, which owns Bed Bath & Beyond, Overstock, and Zulily, reported that its Q1 net loss swelled to $72M from $10M a year ago, while its operating loss widened to $58M from $8M. The company's active customers grew to 6M, up 26% from nearly 5M a year ago, however, its average order value dropped to $173 from $220 a year earlier.
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TikTok will begin automatically labeling AI generated content when it is uploaded from certain platforms like DALL.E 3, Adobe Firefly, Photoshop, and Microsoft Copilot. TikTok will also start attaching Content Credentials to content, which will remain on the media when downloaded, allowing other platforms to read the metadata.
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eBay is testing an Add To Cart button in search results that opens a Quick View window, allowing buyers to skip the listing page. Technically the button should probably not be labeled “Add To Cart” since it doesn't perform that action, but rather, displays a quick view window with three buttons: Buy It Now, Add To Cart, View All Details. Sellers are worried that buyers will miss crucial details in the product description that may lead to increased returns and negative feedback.
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Amazon is planning to launch its fleet of drones in Tolleson, Arizona, but the city's extreme temperature is hampering its efforts. Drones can't operate in temperatures exceeding 104 degrees Fahrenheit, a temperature that Tolleson crosses for a full three months of the year.
___
A US district judge dismissed X's lawsuit against Bright Data, a data-scraping company accused of improperly accessing X system and violating X terms and state laws when scraping and selling data. The judge basically said that if X owned the data, it could perhaps argue that it has exclusive rights to control it, but then X wouldn't be able to enjoy the safe harbor of Section 230, which allows the platform to avoid liability for third-party content. Can't have it both ways!
___
Nintendo is discontinuing its X integration for the switch on June 10th, which means users will no longer be able to post screenshots or videos to the platform from their device. The drop in support also affects games like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which had game-specific options to send out tweets. Microsoft Xbox dropped support for X in April 2023 and Sony Playstation dropped the service in October 2023 due to the increase in X's API access fees.
___
Amazon claimed that its recordable incident rate — a metric that comprises all injuries requiring “more than basic first-aid treatment” — at its US warehouses has improved by 24% since 2019. However the National Employment Law Project challenged Amazon's injury data in a report last week, claiming that Amazon's overall injury rate in 2023 was 71% higher than that of other employers in the sector at 6.5 cases per 100 workers.
___
Amazon Ads announced three new advertising formats for streaming TV including shoppable carousel ads, interactive pause ads, and interactive trivia ads. Amazon did not say when the new ad types would officially launch, but noted that it will formally present them at a presentation on May 14th.
___
Meta is rolling out an expanded set of generative AI ad tools that can create full image variations with text overlays, expand images to fit across different aspect ratios, and generate alternate versions of headlines and other ad text. The features will become available globally to advertisers by the end of the year.
___
Square introduced a tool called Square Kiosk to allow self-service ordering at fast food restaurants. The device is a combined software, hardware, and payment solution that allows customers to select exactly what they want with customization options, upgrades, and add-ons.
___
The European Parliament announced new measures to make packaging more sustainable and reduce packaging waste in the EU, including reduction targets of 15% by 2040 — which sounds far away but is only 16 years away?! As part of the new rules, the EU will set maximum empty space ratios for e-commerce transportation, ban certain single-use plastic packaging types, and beverage distributors and take-away food will have to offer consumers the option of bringing their own container.
___
Indians who pre-ordered Teslas in 2016 are giving up and seeking refunds of their deposits after Elon Musk canceled another visit to the country last month. Disillusioned Tesla enthusiasts in India say they will now buy a car from the company only if they see it in a showroom, or they'll buy a different electrical vehicle from a company that actually exists in the country.
___
Target is limiting its Pride Month collection to select stores this year instead of rolling out the merchandise nationwide like it typically has for the past decade, due to backlash the retailer experienced last year. Last May customers in certain stores knocked down LGBTQ+ merchandise displays, angrily approached store employees, and posted threatening videos on social media from inside the stores.
___
E-commerce spending from Jan 1 to April 30, 2024 rose 7% YoY to $331.6B, according to Adobe Analytics. One trend Adobe identified during the period is a shift of online spending to purchasing the cheapest goods across personal care, electronics, apparel, home & garden, furniture, and grocery.
___
Plus 7 seed rounds, IPOs, and acquisitions of interest, including Shopify's acquisition of Peel, a tool that integrates with a merchant's tech stack including Klaviyo and Recharge and helps them analyze their sales data to improve customer retention.
___
I hope you found this recap helpful. See you next week!
For more details on each story and sources, see the full edition: https://www.shopifreaks.com/bigcommerce-for-sale-openai-gpt-4o-instacarts-unlikely-partnership/
What else is new in e-commerce? Share stories of interesting in the comments below (including in your own business) or on shopifreaks.
-PAUL Editor of Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter
PS: Want the full editions delivered to your Inbox each week? Join free at www.shopifreaks.com

As the world faded away into nothing but a dark void, Tom felt the only mildly familiar sensation of magic flowing like a gentle stream. It wasn’t much of a draw, but it was certainly noticeable.
“Right, best make this quick then,” he tried thinking to himself, feeling the flow peak as he did.
“Who is this? Make what quick?” an ethereal sounding female voice replied. It did sound a bit like how he remembered Joelina sounding. Though she did not exactly sound calm.
“Uhm… Hello? Anyone there?”
“Yes hello. Who is this? What must be done quick? Answer me at once!”
“It’s Tom… Is that you, Joelina?”
“Yes of course it is! Stupid dragons taking ages, I have questions for you! So many questiiioooonssss...”
“Yeah I figured that… Fire away I suppose.” Tom replied a little uncertainly as to just what he might be in for.
“Firstly! Did you read the letters?”
“I did yeah…”
“Disregard them, I have learned much since they were written! So much more yes, cursed blessed knowledge…”
“So you do know we have gone to space then?”
“What? No, I re-experienced the memory you had of the movie about the moon mission. It was evident on the second watching that it was trickery of the eye! Spaceflight is but a myth!”
“Riiight.”
“Then how have your kind visited space? And what of the gods above!? it was evident that the woman with the crystals was but a fraud!” Joelina explained with all the calm and restraint of a shoppingmall Karen
“Well the rockets to the moon, that did happen.” Tom attempted, doing his best to remain calm and diplomatic. “The movie you saw was probably a recreation… Tell me, did things go wrong on that trip but they made it home anyway?”
“Yes, do you know of what I speak? Ahr what am I proclaiming! of course you do it is your own memories, how could I forget.”
“Yea…, you watched a movie about Apollo 13 I think. Good movie, and that all happened too. Like for real happened”
“I see…” Joelina replied, sounding rather unstable. “And what of the gods?”
“We ain’t got any. Well not in space at least.”
“Impossible!”
“No, quite possible. Many still believe in gods though, but let’s not get into that too much. It’s a right old mess.”
“No, you must tell me what happened to the gods? Have they left you?”
“Well some think so, but no. I just think it all works a bit different for us. They might be a little more hands off.”
“But the churches… and these religious warriors you did battle with,” the inquisitor all but muttered to herself, sounding like she was struggling to put pieces together. “Do Jesus and Islam fight for power then? no no, they would have long since lost the battles to the ancient gods of war the teachers spoke of… though why they were always naked eludes me yeeees…”
“No, again we don’t really have gods just floating around... Could we please talk about something else? Or is that all you wanted to know?” Tom tried, hoping he really didn’t have to dive deeper into that particular subject.
“No no don’t you dare cut me off! I have seen what you talked of, nuclear fire and missiles, ships of the oceans and planes soaring in the skies. But is it not all fake? Surely it must be! It must be? It must be…”
“I don’t know what you saw… but we have ships sailing around. If you’ve ever seen flying ships like you have here then that’s fake I can assure you of that. We do have airships, but they look more like really big long balloons.”
“But we could make such vessels, or someone could from times past. If you can visit the moon then surely you can make a ship for the skies!”
“No no, we ain’t got grav oil. Or dragon essence as I guess it’s called. That means no anti gravity, and that means weight is a very very big problem for anything you wanna make fly. Planes and helicopters are how we fly. Remember how I flew to Afghanistan on a big ass plane? Or when I learned to parachute later?”
“What is parachute? is it the ham from your times doing, vacationing? what has dried meat products got to do with flying machines of battle!”
“Wooo easy now easy. I guess you didn’t get that far yet. Uhm. It’s a cloth kite you dangle from and then glide to the ground. Very good fun.”
“A cloth kite used to fly?... such strange inventions. Wait was there not a movie of with something of that nature? yeeee… there was a song. I liked that song… something something brains upon his chute. Yeesss…”
“Yeah… You’ll know it when you see it. I have one actually.” Tom clarified trying not to get too weirded out.
“You must demonstrate on a suitable occasion.”
“Yeah… I do have a question too though,” Tom replied, letting silence reign for a short time. “...Your last letter was in Danish.”
“Oh, uhm yes. I- I was having some difficulty separating what was real and what was not… I still am. Do not tell Glazz, she musten know the truth yet. She seeks to limit my excursions.”
“You’ve ended up like I did, have you?”
“No no no, the effects do indeed recede as expected, everything is in good order… But I had to know more. So so much moooore.”
“Maybe you should cool it a bit. You never know when a brain snaps. Or how,” Tom tried, confident his advice would be ignored.
“There is not time!”
“And why is that? How is it going in our beloved Inquisition?”
“Mind your tongue, human! Things are progressing, but so are our enemies. Infiltrators have been caught, traitors within our ranks are making their moves. The reemergence of Rashan, attacks on mines, keeps and a daring heist attempt at a Royal Guard fortress! The game is afoot, we cannot delay.”
“You can’t overreach yourself either. Weren’t you supposed to be winning over the rest of the inquisition right about now? Can’t do that as a gibbering mess.”
There was silence for a while more after that. “Glazz sent you a letter? What did it say?! You may not keep secrets from me- wait not… I should confiscate her arm… she cannot write with her left. Yes far better plan, avoid upsetting him. And fill her pen with invisible ink. Yes very good.”
“No, it’s just obvious to any idiot. But what about winter, won’t things slow down?”
“They should, yet as autumn progresses it has only been picking up. I hope they too are running out of time… But time for what? I must know what they are planning. They might be behind schedule. But what SCHEDULE! sorry…”
“Well you’re not gonna find the answer to that in my memories, now are you?”
“You were sent by someone. You are here for a purpose. I must know this purpose. It will help me understand. The puzzle is large and much of the box kept from me.”
“As far as I’m concerned, I’m here to help you guys get in gear. That’s a decades to centuries long sorta problem, not a couple of years. Sounds like this war will be in the couple of years category.”
“Then why now? Why did you arrive now?!”
“Shitty luck? Sounds like 10 years ago would have been a lot better… Oh on that note, did you hear? We found something down below.”
“No, Paulin would have told me.”Joelina dismissed, he could almost feel her turning her snout up and away from him.
“Well we opened the vault like 3 days ago,” Tom replied, quite surprised Paulin hadn’t said anything. “Wait yeah she can send you messages, no? She sent the message about what we wanted to buy too, didn’t she?... How did she do that by the way? Why didn’t you just have her ask me questions?”
“That is not for you to know, and this is not for her.”
“Really? More secrets still? Come on, tell me or I’ll let you think flying whales exist.”
“I know those are not real. If they were, you would have harvested them long ago! likely for some deranged snack… or facial decoration.”
“True, but you get the idea,” Tom persisted, feeling like this was something worth pushing for. Why would Paulin not have let her precious Joelina know?
“Very well. This does not leave your mind… In the name of, what was it called… camaraderie. Paulin is in possession of joined paper. Messages may be written down and read by anyone with similarly joined paper. Unsecured. Originally believed to be fore love letters… dastardly studs and wenches using perfectly good magic for such trivialness… simply tie the message to a rock and throw it though the window. Most peasants cannot even afford glass” Joelina trailed off, seemingly zoning out once more.
“You have magical paper that can relay written information… and you don’t fucking use it!?” Tom explaimed, not quite believing what he was hearing.
“No, we do not know how to make freshly bonded paper… only more linked to all other paper in existence…” Joelina agreed. He could almost feel her looking at the floor in shame. “But it is not as if you are infallible, why did you not bring one of these radios?”
“I uhm…”
“Why didn’t you?!”
“I forgot,” Tom admitted, thinking back to his packing days. Of all the things that could have proven useful, that one might have been his biggest blunder.
“For the love of all that is holy! You are our saviour?!” Joelina scolded, understandably so, but still.
“Hey I never claimed to be smart!”
“I have lived your dreams. That is a lie! You very much claim to be smart!”
“Fuck off, I know you are just a scared little insecure girl.”
“She died 30 years ago!”
“Well I haven’t gotten to that bit yet!”
“What in the devils do you mean?” Joelina questioned calming right down in a fraction of a second.
“I’ve only had like three proper dreams about you… wait no, not like that,” Tom blurted out as it clicked just how wrong that sounded. Joelina didn’t seem to care in the slightest though.
“Three? That is it!?” going right back to outrage.
“Yeah… Wait, how many have you had?” Tom questioned. He rather wanted to know just how much she might know about him in addition to the memories she had already picked through when inside his head.
“Several a day!” the inquisitor exclaimed in reply.
“Okay, I can see how that would drive someone a bit mad.”
“I am not going mad!”
“Did Glazz say the same thing?” Tom questioned, quite certain he was striking a nerve.
There was no reply for quite some time, Tom feeling the headache growing as things grew tranquil once more. He could feel his breath. It was rapid, and his heart was pounding. He probably shouldn’t do this for much longer. Thus he endeavored to break the silence.
“You probably should listen to her you know.”
“No! These matters are above her station!”
“Hasn’t she been in the Inquisition longer than you?”
“She has yes. But she is no inquisitor. She is a body guard.”
“Seems like she is a wee bit more than that,” Tom pushed on. He didn’t yet know how those two came to stick together, but it was clear they had been working together for decades by now. All the way since she was assigned to Harvik
“Mind your own matters, human.”
“Very well, don’t think I can keep this up anyway.”
“We have barely been chatting! Where do the dogs come from?!”
“Selective breeding for thousands of years. But I’m gonna go. Take a break, do what Glazz says… even if Jacky hates her.”
Yet more silence followed that, though it was brief and Joelina was the first to speak again.
“Fine! In the interest of cooperation I shall let you rest. Wear the earring at all times, I shall be contacting you again soon.”
“I think I’m gonna be the judge of that. I’ll put it on when I feel like it.”
“You will do as I say!”
“You need a nap and a bit to calm down. I’ll give you three days. Around noon. See yah… How do I get this thing off?”
“I’m not telling you,” Joelina grumped like a little girl. She really didn’t seem quite like herself at all today. She had been the spitting image of restraint and arrogance before. The arrogance was still there, but the restraint had certainly gone.
“Come on, do I just try to cut off the magic or is that a bad idea?”
“If you answer a question I might answer.”
“Right then… Gimme gimme gimme aaaa-”
“JUST CUT IT! Farewell!” she called out loud enough Tom’s head pulsed and then there was blissful silence once more.
“Hehe. That did the trick, right concentrate on that funny feeling aaan-”
__________________________________________________________________________________
After dinner had been rounded up, Dakota had given a brief address as to some of the news received. There wasn’t much that hadn’t already made the rounds at the tables during the dinner itself. The war had been expanding, recruitment had started in full in the cities, and if not for the rather special situation at Bizmati they could have expected their banners to get called by spring.
Rumors had it that the kingdom was preparing itself for counterstrikes the following spring, which meant training through the winter for many volunteers.
“And a lot of not so volunteers,” Fengi muttered as Dakota carried on with the address.
“You can say that twice. At least the street rats might get something to eat and a place to sleep,” Tirox the trader escort added.
“I suppose that is true. Not a bad deal in winter time… I might even have taken it.”
“But we must instead keep our minds on our home,” Dakota carried on, talking to the whole hall. “There can be no mistake, we will be a target. We will be ready. They are getting bolder by the day it seems. It is not impossible they may attempt to take our keep before the winter comes. Or perhaps they will be waiting for spring. It is equally clear their forces are spread thin. We will weather such assaults, I have no doubt. But we must keep training. We must keep vigil. We cannot afford to be surprised or outmatched. I know you will all do your best. And tonight, we have no less than 4 dragons here. So breathe easy, have your snacks and your drinks. If the weather holds soon we will be finished with the warehouse and then we may make final preparations for winter. It is sure to be an interesting one for once.”
The hall replied with a half-discordant cheer, not overly enthusiastic unlike what Dakota had likely envisioned. The talk of them possibly getting attacked even before the snow came wasn’t really that encouraging. But Dakota tended to speak her mind, and she was probably right. Bizmati keep would be a damn tough nut to crack. And to Dakota’s credit she did seem to recognize she hadn’t really managed to rile them up.
“Didn’t you hear me?” she tried again in a slightly more humorous tone. “Eat, drink, and have fun! And put those tables together, don’t want you brooding in your corners.”
That did get a bit more of a reaction, as well as some good humored chuckles. People started getting up and set about moving the tables closer together.
It was a little rude to split up their guests in the same way as they normally did. Saph carried one of the benches over to the new spot, glancing around for any sign of Maiko, but there was no sign of him anywhere.
Feeling a little miffed, she sat down with the others as Ray came back with one of the small kegs of cider looking very excited. “We should have a taste, right?”
“Oh yes please!” Pho called out, Essy giving her a slight slap on the wrist.
“This one is only for those who paid for it. You will have to do with whatever you bought. Or the ale I’m sure they intend to serve.”
“Aww man. Not even a sip?”
“Okay, maybe a sip,” Essy relented. “Oh, I should get Koko his gift.”
“You got him a gift?” Saph questioned with mirth in her voice.
“Of course, that is what people do for each other… you did get Maiko something, right?”
Saph felt her expression slip a little as she prepared to disappoint their chief people person. “No, not really…”
“All that money and you didn’t get him shit? That’s cold girl,” Pho laughed, clearly finding it hilarious.
“Oh shut up, not as if I got something for Unkai either,” Fengi added, springing to Sapphire’s defence, though it seemed like the delivery had Fengi second guessing herself as well.
Esmeralda did look a little saddened by the news, but she was far too nice to say anything. Tirox however had no such filter.
“Oh don’t worry about it, just gotta go with a different sort of gift.” The diminutive guard laughed heartily at his joke. Udanti found it quite funny as well, and Pho certainly loved it. Bo just shook her head a little and went back to a small puzzle of some sort she had been working on, on and off, for most of the dinner by now.
“So uhm… One mug each?” Ray questioned, having been left hanging at the keg.
“Oh yes sorry, just the one, this stuff is expensive,” Saph replied, holding out her mug, Ray pushing it back down.
“One moment.” And she produced a wooden mallet and one of the metal taps. It looked like one of Raulf’s, so it was probably old as faded dragonscales.
Ray gingerly placed it against the cork and raised the mallet as the table fell silent in anticipation.
With a whack the tap went in clean with hardly a drop spilled, and Ray breathed a visible sigh of relief. “Right there we go.”
There was a quick round of cheers from the table, and Ray started pouring servings.
“Oh got yours open, have you?” the voice of Balethon came as the guard came walking up to the table, mug in hand and lizard on shoulder. “You all know we are gonna have to work out who got the better stuff, right?”
“Oh does it always have to be a competition with you, Balethon?” Saph questioned. She had just wanted to enjoy the cider.
“Look who is talking… And yeah of course we do! Just think of the bragging rights.”
Ray didn’t look too thrilled, nor did any of the girls who had actually paid for the keg. The rest of the table seemed to think it was a brilliant idea, even as Balethon’s voice carried and heads started to turn as people started to mingle between the now closely together tables.
“I’ll be the independent adjudicator!” Tirox declared, not receiving much attention as the full mugs started to get passed around. “Oh come on. I’ll be fair!”
“Shut it pipsqueak, you’ll end up taking 10 rounds of tastings before you make up your mind,” Udanti scolded, though in good humor.
“I might…” the guy relented, looking to Balethon. “Ey, by the way. Did you teach the brainlet any tricks?”
“Sure, Skitters can do a few things.”
“Aside from chasing the food?”
“You know what I think he might yeah,” Balethon replied sarcastically, gently tapping the static lizard twice on the head. The lizard didn’t do much save skitter about on his shoulder to face Balethon’s head, one eye pointing in whichever direction.
‘That thing just looks so dumb,’ Saph thought to herself as Ray handed her a mug. “Oh thank you.”
“Okay, Skitters. Up,” Balethon went, raising a claw into the air as if he wanted the lizard to jump. Or perhaps stand up. “Up… come on.”
There was no reaction from the lizard aside from it jerking to the left a bit, possibly having spotted a fly or something.
“Weeeell obedience might need some work,” Udanti chuckled. “Have you tried with some food in your hand?”
“Sure, then he just tries to eat the hand. Come on, Skitters. Up!” Balethon tried again, doing the gesture once more. And this time the little lizard jumped into the air. The little legs stretched out, taking its pitiful excuse for wings with it, and it half-fell half-glided to the floor where it hit with all the grace of a 6 year old on his first lesson. The slightly fat lizard bounced once, then rolled over twice before coming to a stop, looking around confused.
“Aaayyy! That’s a good boi,” Balethon went, going to pick it up again before someone stepped on it or it ran off under the tables. “And now you get a treat.” True to his word Skitters was fed a small piece of something or other which it seemed quite happy to snap up.
Fengi leaned in to whisper to Saph. “Was that the trick or did it just get sick of staying there?”
“I have no idea,” Saph replied, holding up her mug. “Cheers though.”
“Cheers,” Fengi replied as they clinked mugs.
“Oh hang on now, wait for me,” Essy protested as Ray finished pouring her mug and started on her own, looking to the girls as she questioned “Oh, also what about Jacky? Should we wait for her?”
“Who knows how long that will take?” Fengi replied, holding her mug impatiently.
“I’m sure she won’t mind. She is with Tom. We’ll let him have a mug as well,” Essy added with a reassuring nod, looking up to the high table. “Oh but we are missing Lin!”
“Oh right yeah she paid too… I can’t remember, did Edita chip in?”
“I don’t think so,” Sapphire replied, shaking her head as Essy got up to go fetch Linkosta. Balethon decided to take her place, a big grin on his face.
“So what else is going on over here?”
“Oh not much, hellooo little guy,” Pho went, trying to give skitters a scritching. In exchange he tried to eat her finger. “Oh… I mean I guess it doesn’t hurt.”
“Oh yeah, he can’t hurt a fly… well he can, but nothing more.”
“Shame he won’t get any bigger either,” Udanti added, nodding sagely. “Would have made a good rat hunter.”
“Nah… toe hunter though. Also where is the ale at?”
“Oh Raulf and Wiperna are getting ale and some of the bubble beer.”
“What is bubble beer?” Udanti questioned, tilting her head.
“Oh you’ll love it,” Saph interjected, waiting patiently as she saw Essy and Linkosta returning to the table out of the corner of her eye. “It’s an ale but it’s all fizzy.”
“Riiight… I’ve heard of fizzy beers before.”
“Oh yes, but this one is so much more fizzy.”
“It’s light and almost springlike.”
“Light ale? You mean for kids?”
“No no no. Just trust us it’s good.”
“Right right, I trust you,” the archer replied, looking to Essy and Linkosta, who seemed to be looking for a place to sit. “Should we not just put two end to end rather than this scrunching up business?”
“Yeah we should… Right get the craftsman table over here then. We don’t wanna have to smell the guards,” Saph called out, holding up her mug.
“Hey! That was uncalled for,” Balethon protested as Ray passed a mug to Linkosta. The girls all raised their mugs and had a sip, not willing to wait any longer. They all smacked their chops a little, looking down at the golden liquid. It was slightly fizzy too… and it tasted like the brew of the gods themselves. Ray was looking at them all visibly tense with anticipation and perhaps a twinge of fear.
“Ray… You have not disappointed,” Saph declared, nodding her approval, a smile creeping onto her face once more.
“Oh this is the best drink I think I’ve ever had,” Fengi added, taking another gentle sip.
Ray looked visibly relieved, her expression changing to one of ecstasy as she too took a sip herself. “Oh it’s even better than I remember. I’m glad you liked it.”
“Like it?! I love it!” Fengi cheers, Essy giving an appreciative nod to Ray before looking to Lin.
“Sooo?”
“It’s very good… Do you think we could try and cool it down a little? Imagine this cold.”
“It is often served cold, yes,” Ray confirmed, nodding her assent.
“I’ll go get the powder!” Saph called out, getting up. “I have got to try that.”
__________________________________________________________________________________
The strange ethereal world that had seemed so all-consuming started to quickly fade. Holes grew as light and reality started seeping in, sounds and noise starting to build around him. “Oom-Tom… Tom, are you okay?” came the familiar voice of Jacky as his eyes shot open and he blinked a few times as he returned to reality proper.
“Yeah yeah, I’m here… That is trippy, but hey, I think it worked.”
“How many fingers?” Jacky questioned, holding up her hand.
“4. Clear as day.”
“Pheeew. Okay look around, anything strange?”
Tom obeyed, sitting up a bit straighter and glancing about the room. “Nnnnn, nope all good. Just like last time I used one of these.”
“Right, good. Now what did she say?”
“Oh a bunch of stuff… mostly we chatted a bit about how she’s going a touch mad. Even Glazz thinks she’s falling apart at the seams apparently. She was also not happy I wanted a break.”
“Oh don’t tell me you have to do this every day from now on?”
“I said she had 3 days to get ready to try again. Hopefully she’ll have her case worked out by then.”
“Here’s to hoping… also how is your head? Does it hurt?”
“A bit, it’ll go away I’m sure.”
“Right,” Jacky replied, looking at him skeptically. “If it gets worse, tell me. But dinner was served a while ago I think. And I’m hungry.”
“Me too, let’s go.”
__________________________________________________________________________________
Well then, Joelina got her chat. She seems fine... I am sure she will continue to be a steadfast ally, within the walls of the inquisition for many weeks to co- I mean years, definetly years.
As always I hope you enjoyed the chapter, if not you know who to blame. I promise I won't cry to much if you tell me what was wrong... I promise.
Not really any news, other than fuck me I'm a busy boi, luckily I found the time to keep up with the writing yet, hopefully things will quet down soon so I can get back to begin a bit further ahead.
Untill next time, take care
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