I seem to have lost understanding of most people.
I see it most oftenly among people my age(21-26). Listening to others, feeding off of those motivational bullshit videos, rich people advice, relationship advice... I see people collect all the knowledge, ideas, information and skills on the planet, yet they do not act. I see people not knowing a thing jump head first, some fail, yet some succeed - Knowledge without experience is merely philosophy; experience without knowledge is ignorance. - Not wary of the preacher most bite into his bullshit. Not knowing the sacred irony of this life that those who preach love do not have love, those who preach peace lack peace and those who preach god... Really need god.
There are sacred ironies and causal relationships that cannot be broken and will persist as cynical clichès until either society crumbles or chatgpt has had enough of my psychotic ramblings and decides to go on a thanos quest to bring peace to the planet.
What I am trying to get at is the fact that a lot of people have completely disregarded themselves and decided to wage war on the only person GENUINELY interested in their well being - their own damn self. "IT's YOU VS YOU" "PAIN IS JUST PAIN" - that type of 'hustle' cope bullshit that the vast majority are consuming so that they do not crumble under their own insecurities.
It is not you vs you, it's you and you versus everything else trying to put you down, manipulate you and toy with you. So just about 95% of the world right now.
The moment you decided to wage a mental war against yourself you're doomed. "YOU NEED CONCRETE EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR OWN MENTAL PICTURE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE AFFIRMATIONS DO NOT WORK" who said that ? Some rich guy selling a course..? Is he going to give you that concrete evidence? Only for 500$ when the 'actual' value is 500000000000000$?
You don't need a 10pack to feel good, you don't need a lamborghini aventador to feel enough, you don't have to be 6'+ to be granted permission to carry confidence unconcealed, you don't gotta be making 100k USD+ minimum to be granted access to the dating world.
Reality exists in your head. Anything else is just pure copius bullshit.
The only true way to change your life is to change your mind, your identity. That doesn't start with becoming a millionaire.
Jim Rohn has a saying I'll tattoo on my ass one day - “If someone hands you a million dollars, best you become a millionaire, or you won't get to keep the money.” -
Life comes from you it doesnt happen to you, if you're dead inside... Too bad life will suck until you perish. You want a better life? change. Change who you are. Kill who you are.
The quality of your thoughts determine the quality of your life. A thought that has been thought too often, becomes a habbit, a habbit becomes a lifestyle and a lifestyle becomes an identity. Let me provide an example a lot of people are familiar with :
If the 'love' of your life has decided that all of the sudden you dick is too short and that your best friend's is able to 'satisfy' her better... and you're dumb enough to have made her the sole priority of your life.. You wound up thinking about her daily. She's getting dicked down, but you still thinkin abt her, obsessing, being sad, imagining happily ever after scenarios. You wake up sad, you work sad, you go to sleep sad.
This goes on for 1 month, by this time frame it has become a habbit. Your brain produces chemicals associated with that depressive feeling, after a certain time period the body takes over. The same way you're breathing without thinking about it, you'll be thinking about her without thinking about her producing an insurmountable amount of depression proteins. And before long you'll be grumpy, salty and ridden with hatred individual. - If you want a really good explanation of this read "Breaking the habbit of being yourself - by Joe Dispenza"
The thoughts that you think determine your life. IF you can convince yourself that you're the person you want to be and you emotionally experience that event and you hold it in your head long enough, it will happen.
You will change your external surroundings by changing your internal surroundings.
Ok. had to get this out of me. Bye.

This is just a rant so feel free to skip but OH MY GOD IM SO OVER THIS DISEASE. worst flare of my life started about a year ago, followed by 2 hospitalizations (one for C. Diff and one for CMV). Started Remicade during the second hospitalization and had good response. For the first few weeks following infusions my BMs are generally normal. Have been on some form of inflixmab since then (thanks insurance for switching biosimilars and late approvals leading to late infusions 🙄), but always have full symptoms come back a couple weeks prior to my next infusion (including right now). My provider has upped my infusion dosage one due to low levels but doesn’t seem to be doing the trick as I’m typing this out on the toilet in agony as we speak. Have always been every 8 week schedule even though I’ve asked multiple times to be moved up to every 6 weeks. Just sent another Infliximab level Friday because I knew symptoms were slowly returning but have yet to receive results so here I am suffering, as I knew I would be.
To make matters SOOOOO much worse, I have developed a rectovaginal fistula that abscessed earlier this week and is causing me a TON of pain when having BMs (which I’ve now had 4 of today 🙃). Wrongly diagnosed as a Bartholin cyst yesterday by my OBGYN, I had it drained in his office with a couple of lidocaine shots and it was so painful I was yelping and sobbing for him to please stop. OBGYN ordered me antibiotics and sent me on my way. Temporarily felt better after it was over until I had a liquid BM last night that did not come from the right place and was excruciatingly painful. Contacted my GI immediately this morning but he’s out of town and ordered me a CBC today and a MRI NEXT WEEK. Advised not to go to ER unless I develop a fever (which thankfully I haven’t had), but did not mention the fact that I’m having liquid bloody stools multiple times a day and not scheduled to do anything about it for over 2 weeks!!! I’m extremely broken and frustrated and over this disease. I really feel like I’ve been given the shit (pun intended) end of the stick and kinda feel like no one is taking me seriously or helping me. Considering going to the ER anyways because I don’t want to live like this for a week and I feel like I need to go to the ER to actually get anything done.
If you made it this far, thanks for coming to my Ted talk! Just needed to get it out to people who understand. I know it will be temporary and eventually all get sorted out one way or the other, but between insurance issues and lack of urgency from providers I am spent and I feel like none of this had to get this bad if someone would’ve been more aggressive with my treatment.

It has been a month since I'm not seeing any progress in strength or hypertrophy despite hitting my 1.8 - 2 gr proteins per kg, creatine, and working out three times a week.
I really don't understand where's the issue, maybe the lack of sleep ? I only get 6-ish hours of sleep a day

I (22 m) live at home with my mum and dad along with my younger sister who is autistic (she is 19 doesn’t work or go to school), my mum is her official carer. In the last couple of months I’ve noticed that my mum just doesn’t care for her the way that she should. The severity of my sisters condition can be apparent with a lack personal hygiene, cleanliness and general inability to ‘fend for’ herself, that being said she can do minor tasks like make toast, cereal etc. She is also unable to control her bladder at times especially during the night
My sister no longer goes out, pretty much at all, she will sometimes walk the dog and has a social worker who will take her out every couple of weeks, but she rarely attends. Due to her lack of hygiene, her room is often times dirty and smells quite bad, her room is next to mine so a lot of the time I can smell it. I recently brought up to my mum how her room needed tidied and it smelled and she got in an argument with me saying that she is 19 and should be doing it for herself and got my dad involved who scalded me later on. Apparently I am ungrateful and my mums job isn’t to clean up after everyone and we all need to pitch in to help my sister. While I agree to extent that everyone should help out, I don’t think this extends to my sisters needs, for one my mum is paid through different government grants to be my sisters carer because she can’t work as my sister requires such care - these grants total more than I make working 30hrs per week. Secondly, I am her sibling, a male at that, I don’t think it is my place to be going in her room and tidying, especially when there is soiled clothes and bedding needed changed and when she gets her period she isn’t good at dealing with that and will hide her clothes and bedsheets. I believe that it is my mums ‘job’ to do these things, yes it’s not fair on her and it is a difficult job at that, but she is paid an allowance to do so and had the option for extra help but don’t take it. I do now help with my sister secretly now I’m off of university for the summer. My parents are the type to complain you don’t do anything but when you do get offended cause they “aren’t doing a good enough job” or it isn’t to my “standards”, for example, they went away for a week and I took the week off work to show appreciation and clean the house top to bottom, when they got back they acted grateful but were passive aggressively saying things like “what’s wrong with the house?” “You’re a bit OCD” “did I not do a good enough job before it left?” - just to add when they left they left the house a riot, they refused to do anything cause “they’re going away and will deal with it when they come back”.
I now feel as though my sister is being neglected, her room being constantly unsanitary and also when my sister is due to go out with her social worker my mum will often sleep in or not prepare my sister the night before, making it more difficult for her on the day. I understand dealing with an adult child with these issues is difficult, but it is no excuse to do this. My sister was also at the doctors a couple of months ago for her anxiety and got medication to take the night before going out to help her feel less anxious, but I found out my mum wasn’t giving her them and making excuses when her worker would come and say that the tablets aren’t working. Then a couple of weeks later she went to the doctor again to ask for something else, which was given and instead of giving them to my sister she took them herself. Even if everything else I’ve said is okay in some way I at least know this is illegal, but I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to complain in any legal sense for obvious reasons but speaking to them will just get me kicked out if I accuse my sister of being neglected, but I also feel a duty to help.
Am I just being a shitty son? What do I do?

Ok so, I have just gotten the basking temp and warm ambient pretty good. I do need a thermometer to turn off the heat when it’s too hot, because without her under it, it goes upwards of 120 on the basking spot. All temps are measured with a temperature gun for accuracy. The thermometer keeps it perfect, not too hot for her at all, and the warm ambient is between 80 and 85 which is great. The basking spot turns off around 110, but sits closer to 100-105 when she’s there. The problem is, once I hit the middle, it drops to 69. Lowest temp is on her cold corner cave, varies between 66 and 68 depending on where I check it.
She still loves being over there and sleeps there every night, but this morning I woke up and she was black bearding and felt pretty cold to my touch. Not like, “hospital now”, but I definitely wanted to coax her to warmth. Maybe just my worried mom brain? She didn’t seem lethargic and came enthusiastically to food (not her salad, of course… can only get a leaf of 2 in if there’s a bug stuck to it… but that’s a whole other problem). She didn’t move to her basking spot until around 30 minutes after I fed her, even though she still felt pretty cold.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. I love her so much and I’m just worried. Should I get one of those ceramic heating things? Or is it ok because she seems to really enjoy it? Genuinely most of the time she’s over on the cool side just chilling. I want to make sure I’m giving her the best care possible. I know all Beardies are different and I’m sure some like it a little colder, just like some like it a little hotter. But I’m thinking maybe it’s still too cold. Thanks for listening!

All my life I've liked men, I've never had a crush on women whether it be real or fictional. So, naturally, I'm under the reasonable impression I'm straight. I have nothing against homosexuality despite the fact that I was raised in church. I always thought not me, not my problem. People can love who they want, how they want as long as its legal and moral I'm okay with it and support it.
With that, I have a bisexual friend, whom I've known is bisexual for years. I became closer to her in university and we hang out a lot between and in classes. She's very nice to me and is very affectionate in a way she likes to give things. She likes to buy me food and poke me when she's bored.
I've known this and was never uncomfortable with it because we're friends and I know we are just that. Friends. I've never had any desire to change that status of our relationship because friendship is all I want from her.
The thing that made me freak out is when we were with her friends and she was playing with my hair while I was resting my head on the table listening to music. I didn't mind, I like when people are affectionate to me. I'm also quite affectionate to people I like as well. For some odd reason, I just got sick and the thought that I liked her romantically popped into my head. I felt nauseous and wanted to vomit. Even as I'm writing this, I feel a little shaky because I'm scared it's true. At that time, I was almost shaking and a horrible cold fear gripped my heart. It was so bad I was beginning to panic and I felt as if I wanted to cry. Eventually, after a few minutes I just went home and now I'm writing this.
I'm terrified. I don't know if it was basically a non harmful intrusive thought or if it was a realization. I'm not homophobic but I'm honestly terrified of myself being homosexual. I'm not even religious, I don't practice and I'm not even sure I believe in god but I've been told time and time again that being gay is wrong and though i don't believe it to be true, it's terrifying that I may be in that position that I'll be told being in love is a sin. Not to mention, my entire family believes homosexuality to be disgusting. I'm scared of what they would think of me if I did like women because my family aren't bad people, they just don't like that.
I'm honestly hoping that it was just sleep deprivation from my exams and a horrible intrusive thought. I tried to imagine kissing her to see if it feels like attraction but I can't even tell if the reason my heartbeat changes is attraction or just fear of believing I do like her.

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I've posted this last year and some things happened which made me quite proud and I'd like to share how things went. So recap and then update:
So... When I was little, I lived with my mom and stepdad, things were great and we were very happy. Then my mom passed when I was 7y, so I moved with my father and stepmom, things were complicated. Currently, I have no contact with him (he's not a good man nor a good dad), and I live with my aunt (since 2018) and her husband (he came along in 2019).
Me and my aunt had an amazing relationship, she was my favourite aunt and all that. However, things started to go wrong when I started living with her, I made the mistake of answering that yes, I wanted to be treated like her daughter along with her 2 sons (one my age and the other 3 years younger). I had a desperate "need" for a mothefather. She became a kind of "maunt" (mother+aunt), and her husband a "stepdad"... Oh how do I regret this
Well, she has a favourite son, the oldest. He's lazy, arrogant, disrespectful, a typical golden boy who got spoiled his whole life and now he doesn't give a damn about anything other than himself.
For being the other woman in the house, she constantly pushes house chores to me, instead of the boys (subconsciously, i believe), pretty much only asks me about things, where her sons are, if the dogs were fed, if the boys cleaned well whatever room they were supposed to, stuff like that, and she's also constantly very, very rude to me (at the point of her husband arguing with her about it). And I got this whole syndrome of everything being my responsibility and anxiety when it comes to her, which became extremely exhausting over the years.
I came out to her about my bissexuality about 4 years ago, i thought she would take it well. She didn't. She masks her disapproval, but she clearly doesn't like it. I was really let down, I genuinely thought she would be supportive and everything we expect, but she first got confused, then annoyed and has said some very hurtful thing over the years. Currently I have a gf (she's 22 years old), we've been dating for over a year. They don't like each other very much, my gf doesn't like her because of all the things she does to me. And my aunt doesn't care about my gf at all because... well, she a girl.
Ok, that's the context. Now here's what happened.
My aunt send some kind of agressive messages over something silly, and that caused my anxiety on fire for the gazillionth time, only that time I had enough. I called my other aunt (by consideration, she's married to my grandad) and asked for help (she knows everything that goes on), if i could move in with them, she said yes. I then replied my aunt with a text saying i had enough and would move in with my grandad. She got upset and said (among other things) that "i had her blessing to leave, even though i didn't ask for it". She called my grandma (we are very close), and my grandma sent me some awful audios of how disappointed she was, how I made my aunt sad, of what would people think, that i used to be such a sweet girl and now this, of how loving is a choice and i chose not to love my aunt, stuff like that. Aunt and her husband went to dinner with my grandad that night without my presence, and told them we had an amazing relationship, that she didn't knew what happened, that my problem was I couldn't take a "no" for an answer, etc.
Two days later, we sat down to talk, she told me to start, I said all I wanted. She then started saying how that kind of thing should not have been adressed through text (which I agree, but I had to text or I'd freak out), that she was harder on me than the boys because (in another words) the world was rough and she loved me the most.
And then her husband also spoke about how he understands both sides and blablabla, and said that i could go to my grandad, but that they felt like i should understand that i would only go because THEY allowed, if they didn't wanted, i would not go, no matter what my grandparents or aunt (grandad's wife) said. He basically wanted to state their power position.
(Since my mother's death, my whole family on her side feel responsible for me, so i see all of them in the same way. None of them are my mom and dad, they are in the same "level" to me and have the same "right"... Him saying that made me burn inside, like they're entitled to me, I don't belong to them or anyone. They're my aunt and "uncle", that's about it, they think they have something on me that they... Don't)
And then my aunt said that I could go, as long as I told my grandad about my sexuality and girlfriend. Now... He's kind of old fashioned and i'm scared he'll reject me... We have an amazing relationship, I have lunch with them every wednesday, and I'm the closest grandkid he has (the others aren't so invested). So I don't know if I tell him the truth and manage to leave (depending on his reaction) or if I don't risk it and stay in the toxic enviroment i'm in.
UPDATE - 14/05/2024
Hello! So, things got much worse before they got better. Let's give them names so the story telling will be easier, let's call my girlfriend Bea, my aunt Leah, her husband James and my "aunt" (my grandad's wife) Rachel.
I basically swallowed my anger because I couldn't bring mysef to speak to my grandad about my sexuality, my grandparents are the most important people in my life as they've always been there for me and I was terrified to be disliked by him. That was until december.
Early december I was leaving for work and before I left, I tried to "notify" my aunt that Bea would be spending Christmas and New Years with me and my siblings (note: my siblings had been looking forward to her being there, specially my brother and my SIL (Luke and Lyla), they made it a question that she'd go. I have 3 paternal siblings, so there's NO relation between them and my aunt Leah. We'd be staying in a city 3 hours away from mine at my brother and SIL's house, every year we do this). She immediately said "you know I don't like this", I said "yes", she then said "good morning" and I left for college.
The next morning, I was eating before going to work and Leah started talking about it and we started a conversation that developed into a fight. She said things like how dare I "notify" her, how that's not how things work and that it would not happen because THEY (she and James) don't feel confortable with this, how THEY think Luke wouldn't like this because "no one likes to have people over for a week" (he and Lyla were super pumped for Bea to go), how THEY don't know my girlfriend enough (come on, we had been dating for over a year already), how THEY wouldn't like me going with her to a stranger's house (in complete disregard to my point of view, it's my freaking brother, whom they met a couple times btw, not a stranger. But to them, the only meaninful point of view was theirs). She had even called my brother to basically "check my story", like?? She also said that we we're only teenagers (seriously, 22 and 20) , and I said "no, she isn't and neither am I!", she said she didn't say Bea was, I then said "and neither am I", she said I was, because I didn't act like and adult, then I got mad and talked about how I do literally everything around the house, always walk the dogs even when I get home tired at 10PM, even though they got there at 7PM, I help with groceries purchase, pay the water bill, clean the house, do the chores her boys lack to do, and when I'm not home, I'm either at work or college, but when she disagrees about something, she just puts me back in the "teenager box". And in the end, she said that my raising was not like this, this made me laugh in anger inside, she's been with me for 5 years, I'm 20 lol.
So that was it, I left for work and got a text from her, apologizing for being rough, saying that she loved me and wanted it to work, that they wanted to talk to me when I got home. I replied saying the same.
Later that day when we were all home, we gathered in the living room, I was literally against the wall and it intimidated me deeply. James started saying how much they loved me and wanted to see me happy, as they want that for all their children (aunt Leah has 2 boys, my cousins, and James has 3 girls). I then talked and expressed how I was feeling, then Leah started talking and basically said in a nicer tone the same things she said earlier, plus how they want me to be happy and want things to work for me, but they think it's too soon, they believe it's not the right time, they they, and therefore, despite being against what they want, I could take Bea, but only in ONE of the two holidays, which I could choose. I was in a bit of a shock (you see, me and Bea had bought the bus tickets a while earlier), had no support, against the wall, I was feeling purely defeated and tired, I only said "Christmas then...", she then said we would sleep in separate rooms and would not go on the 22th after work because "she had already allowed an extra night by allowing her to stay there until the 25th". I stayed in silence, they asked if there was anything I'd like to add, I said no. It wasn't a conversation, in no moment did they actually listened and considered me, they had their minds set way before we sat to talk. I went to my room and rolled all night in pure anxiety. This was thursday
Friday I was a wreck and went to Bea's house to check on her (she was sick that week) and to talk to her about what happened. She noticed something was off, I told her, she got mad and sad, we cried, etc. I went home feeling awful, my anxiety had been 100% all day long and I was in a really bad place and feeling deeply frustrated.
Saturday I woke up worse and decided that I had enough and was not having that anymore. I went outside and called grandad, talked about how I wasn't feeling well and asked what did he think about me leaving home, he said that their doors were always open and that I could just tell my aunt that "I was going to live with my grandad and that was it". I reframed the question asking what he though about me leaving to live alone, he then got worried and said that he didn't think that was necessary, that I had them and didn't need to do that. He then asked me to come over and talk to him and aunt Rachel. I accepted and told aunt Leah I'd sleep at grandad's.
I got there and ate a bit because I didn't want them extra worried, although I felt like throwing up at every bite. Everyone went to sleep and so did I. I woke up a bit later feeling worst, that's when I started to throw up, there was barely anything in my stomach and all I could do was throw up.
The next morning I was better and had already told aunt Rachel about what had happened, she found it absurd how things went (she had met Bea a while back and they clicked very well) and was upset about the things aunt Leah said. I decided to talk to grandad, I couldn't disappear with the subject again, specially now that he was worried sick about me.
So... I sat on the couch and told him what was happening, explained everything, told him that I'm like his stepson's MIL (she's married to a woman. It was the easiest way I found to introduce the topic), told him everything. He asked what I wanted him to do about it, I said that I just wanted him to still love me the same and remain normal with me, that I am still the same person and have always been this way, he just didn't knew about it, but that it changes nothing about me. Aunt Rachel then joined us and asked what he was thinking about it (she knows everything and is amazing to me), he said he wasn't pleased, but that it was my life and he had no say in it and that I should do what's right for me, said that if I wasn't gonna change, then neither would he. But basically, he got much more worried about my mental health than my sexuality, he said that the doors were still open and always would be for me, that he thought I needed a home and thinks they can offer me that. Aunt Rachel said that they wouldn't be obsessive after me, demanding to know every step I take and bossing everything like Leah did, that I have my graduation, I work, make my own money, am responsible, have my own life and am not a child, I'm a 20 year old adult and they would treat me as such.
So that was it. I went back "home" muchhh more confident and waited until nightfall because everyone was having a good time and I didn't want to spoil that. I realized aunt Leah and James were awake and went to talk to them, and that, my friends, is when hell went loose.
I started by saying I talked to my grandad about Bea and my sexuality, Leah asked how it went and I said it was great. Then I said they could talk to him (since they wanted to "decide" with him about my going), she said ok and asked when I wanted to go, I said that it could be in the same week since I was on vacation from college, she frowned, stood firmly and said "you know this won't change our decision about the holidays, right?" then it went boom, I said I didn't agree with them and that it wasn't right for them to dictate about such things. Told them their values and beliefs don't have to be mine, Leah asked "WHY NOT?", then I replied "because I have my own!".
Told them they were controlling and that made their kids lie to them, that since they liked to compare raisings (they criticized Bea's mom's raising because she gives her kids freedom to live their lives and fully trusts), then fine, I went on to say how Bea and her mom have an amazing relationship, full of love and trust, how Bea turned up great, works hard, just made it to psicology at university, helps immensely at home, and so has her sister. As for theirs? They raised their kids poorly, they are overbearing and that makes their kids not trusting them and lying a lot because of this necessity of them to control everything. I stated that the raising they gave their children was not my own, that I had multiple raisings and that no, they didn't "raise" me, I'm 20 and they've been with me for 5 years. Said that was clear, just look at the difference between me and her boys (I won't delve into this bit because it's not relevant, but the difference is nitid).
They said I couldn't take a no for an answer and that was my dad's fault, I said they didn't know what they were talking about, I know how it actually went whilst they made a story in their heads and believe it's the truth, since I knew how my dad used to tell my family one thing and do another.
They (again) said they wouldn't treat me like an adult because I did nothing to behave like one, I said that they didn't treat me as I deserved and they would always put me in the "teenager box" whenever I acted differently to what they thought was right (but I was adult enough to lend James almost 1k without Leah's knoledge lol).
She obviously tried to blame Bea, saying she was putting things in my head and that the last conversation was fine and now I was throwing a fit, I said that I said nothing else then because I felt cornered and realized it wasn't a conversation, it was them simulating one only to tell me what they were going to all along.
I told them they didn't know Bea because they didn't want to and I wasn't confortable bringing her as it was an enviroment unwelcoming to her, she then asked if i would go another year like this until I "felt confortable", I said yes, if that's what it took, that I didn't really need to introduce anyone if I didn't felt comfortable to it.
She once demanded to go meet Bea, after throwing a fit at my BIRTHDAY because Bea planned a day for me and my MIL wanted to make me lunch and they weren't invited, it was super uncomfortable. My aunt described this day as uncomfortable, in this argument I said "and about that day you guys met Bea and her mom? It was uncomfortable? OF COURSE it was, I TOLD you it would be! I told you that was barging in and no one wanted it!". Which Leah said that no, that wasn't the uncomfortable part, the uncomfortable was how Bea was "daring her, being all over me and kissing me in front of her, that she had to be respected!".... Lol, the being "all over me" was me shaking from the anxiety and Bea holding me to keep me in my feet, the "kissing" was ONE greeting kiss. And Bea did nothing "daring" towards Leah, believe me, if she had, aunt Leah would definitely know lol.
At the end, they asked if I was taking Bea, I said, yes, Leah said no, since she called my brother and told him how "things would go down" (amazes me everytime I remember this, she wanted to dictate how the holidays would go IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE). Lol, my brother was just texting me saying how Bea could go spend the whole holiday and we'd just say she left after Christmas. So it wasn't a very good argument on Leah's end. I said it was my business and I was sorry, but it was MY brother, MY family, MY relationship, MY life, and it wasn't up for them to dictate on it, they shouldn't feel comfortable or uncomfortable since it had NOTHING to do with them, and that my family who mattered in this were not only comfortable but very excited for Bea's presence.
I told them I knew I wasn't wrong since grandad and aunt Rachel agreed with me, so they could go ahead and talk to them if they wanted to. They ended up showing me their tumb and I left for my room.
Aunt Leah left to grandad's house in like, 5 minutes, cried to him and all. She got back, went in my room and in an ironic tone, said "sorry, I know I'm not your mother, stay with your raisings, I'm just glad and relieved my father wasn't as ok as you thought (her saying this seriously hurt me), he accepted for reasons ans beliefs he has, so go ahead and pack your bags this week, you're free to go. Sorry for the flaws, I was trying to get it right, be careful when you take that sticker off, don't ruin the painting." aaand she left.
The next day, grandad came and we took 90% of my stuff and I started officially living with him and aunt Rachel. Christmas was a bit awkward (my maternal family does this early Christmas so everyone's free on the 24th), but I was glooming feeling like the weight of the world had left my shoulders.
So... I went with Bea to spend the holidays with my family, my siblings, my SIL's parents and even my 1 year old nephew absolutely adored Bea, they now ask about her even before asking about me lol. My paternal grandmother loved her and was amazing, told my aunt (her daughter) that Bea was adorable and loving. It was amazing and I cannot imagine 2023 Christmas and New Year without Bea with us, she added sooo much.
Recently we've been to Luke's and Lyla's at Easter and made Easter eggs together, watched movies, went out, went to a family gathering where Bea, my uncles, cousins and grandmother (who was really happy to see her since Bea couldn't go to her birthday because she had to work) all got along really well.
We see each other frequently, living with grandad and aunt Rachel has been amazing, I'm finally gaining weight! MANY people have noticed it and it quite frankly scared me a bit, I had no idea it was so evident. But yeah, I'm doing great!
Grandad isn't ready to deal with this, so we don't talk about it. He doesn't like it and doesn't really understands, but he's doesn't meddle. Grandma (maternal) texted these days wanting to meet Bea (finally!), since she found out through aunt Rachel that me and Bea are still together and going strong for 1 year and a half already. I think she took it seriously now.
Anyway, it was hell, lol. But things turned out alright! Thank you for the people who commented in my first post, it was nice reading the comments and taking the options into consideration!

Im 30+ im going to search dor surgery but i read allot of people get denied for cosmetic reason and other get there surgery why is that? I know when i was younger i did also go to specialist but not the right one and told me i had to deal and life with it well this thing made my hole life sad and now i wanna try to do somthing for a little hapiness just to wear a tshirt and dont have to deal with it that people will see where i have to deal with. Just to wear a tshirt and be happy i dont care taking out my tshirt and have nice body just chill inside a tshirt... i just cant accept it anymore i feel sad depressed about it i get up and sleep with it i really need help im dad and i dont want my kid have a depressed unhappy dad since then i want to be a proud dad i hope i can get the help i need sorry for my bad english and i got pectus carinatum one sided

I woke up with a 100 degree fever and body aches and chills yesterday so I had to call out. I might have to call out tonight too but I only have 15 hours of PPTO. 8 will go to last night's missed shift which leaves me with 7. Will I still get a point if I am an hour short on ppto? Or am I better off not wasting the 7 hours and just taking the point?

I couldn't sleep last night so I thought about who I would want on the next Ultimate Girls Trip (if they ever make another one):
Lisa Vanderpump, Shannon Storms Beador, Heather Dubrow, Sonja Morgan, Dolores Catania, Margret Josephs, Kandi Buress, Karen Huger.
I want Sonja and Shannon drunk in a pool talking about their first marriages and raising girls. I want Vanderpump and Margaret backhand complimenting the rest of the girls. I want Karen and Sonja talking about their wealth while Heather and Kandi side eye them. I want Kandi and Dolores chilling with each other while there's a screaming match, etc. If I could make it 10 I would add in Adriana De Moura and Lisa Barlow for additional mess. What do you think?

As many people in North America did on Sunday, we celebrated Mother’s Day. We stayed in, my husband, daughter and stepson, and watched movies and had snacks. The day was pretty relaxed and comfortable. Syepson had to go back to his moms for supper, my husband took him late afternoon. Then my husband and I made a big family dinner and his parents and our oldest son and his girlfriend came to enjoy with us. Mother’s Day has always been a strange day for me. I’ve always said all I want is to have a chill day with my family and enjoy each others company. There has not been one single year that has happened. In the past, my oldest son was usually bent on ruining the day for me some how. He would do things like sleep all day, say he forgot or just not even acknowledge the event. It was really hurtful and my oldest daughter, now 18, used to hey so upset with him when he behaved this way.
So this year, I was hoping for a miracle. As I said, the day went well and the evening was set up to be really good too. Everyone was chatting and supper turned out amazing, no bickering or snippy remarks between my in laws, the kids all seemed to want to be around, it was kinda perfect.
Now, in our house we’ve always had the rule that if you didn’t cook you help clean up. Fairly standard practice from what I can’t tell, compared to other families we know. It’s never even been a question, just get to it and many hands make light work.
Apparently all the kids just forgot that was a thing. Everyone left, just walked by my husband who stepped up to do the washing and didn’t give it a second thought. I followed the kids out to the front street and did an exaggerated shrug, got their attention and told them I was disappointed they were just leaving everything for us. This was no small dinner, it took several days of prep to brine and smoke the delicious turkey we served. Even after chasing them out to object, they both just drove away. Since I had already confronted them together I decided to discuss my issue with each of them separately. Since my son is out in his own now, I wasn’t as hard on him.
But here’s the thing, my daughter lives here full time and does nothing at all to help anymore. She was often at work in the evenings or with her boyfriend, until just recently when she stared a 9-5, so she didn’t have supper at home often. Because of her schedule, I would bring her dinner every night she works, making sure she had at least one decent meal a day. I didn’t expect her to come home at 9 pm and clean up, only to help out when she’s home. Now she’s home for supper most nights but still doesn’t lift a finger without being asked. And the attitude when she does have to pitch in is atrocious.
Now back to Mother’s Day, when I confronted my daughter I told her I was disappointed in the both of them. I told her her behaviour has been selfish and that I need her to start participating around the house. She refused to come home to talk that night. Monday she texted me to tell me she was coming over after work. That put me off further, you don’t come over to your own house. Her language made me feel like she doesn’t appreciate the free and supportive roof over her head. When we talked Monday evening my disappointment turned into anger and hurt. This kid had the audacity to say that having to help with dishes is me treating her like staff.
I am beside myself in the massive failure I feel about that. She grew up in a divided family situation but has two sets of parents to lean on and grow from. Her stepmother is a control freak and as a result, my daughter didn’t have chores over there. I knew that but made my expectation clear about our home, from the start. I just feel so helpless in this situation. If anyone has any advice or reminiscence of their own teenzilla, I’d love to hear it.

Hey everyone,
I'm reaching out today because I really need some advice and a space to vent about what's been going on in my life. So, I'm a 25-year-old guy, and I was in a relationship with a wonderful woman, also 25, for about three and a half years. Unfortunately, she decided to break things off, and it's left me feeling pretty lost. It's a bit of a long story, so bear with me!
It all started back in late 2020 when we matched on Tinder. Right from the start, there was this amazing connection between us. We had so much in common—our love for fitness, travel, music, food, you name it. It felt like we were a perfect match, like two puzzle pieces finally fitting together. But, of course, every relationship has its challenges.
One big issue we faced was our different love languages. See, I'm big on physical affection, while she values quality time together. I tried to show her love in the ways that mattered to her, but I admit I wasn't always consistent, especially when it came to being romantic. Despite this, we didn't have many arguments, and we enjoyed traveling together whenever we could, which was a nice escape from our separate living situations at our parents' homes.
After a couple of years together, she suggested we move in together to have more intimacy, but I wasn't ready financially, being a student with loans to pay off. I thought we should wait until we finished our studies before taking that step. Looking back, This have contributed to some frustration on her part, as she craved more closeness and shared experiences in our day-to-day lives.
By the end of 2023, we fell into a bit of a routine, and I'll admit, I was more focused on our future plans, like our dream of spending a year in Australia followed by a road trip in Asia. She, on the other hand, was craving more spontaneity and attention in the present moment. Things came to a head in November 2023 when she began to doubt our relationship (routine, lack of romance, incompatiblity). Unfortunately, due to my exams and surgery, she didn't feel she could express these doubts to me at the time to work things out.
Meanwhile, I went on a solo trip to celebrate my graduation in January 2024. During this time, I had a lot of time to reflect, and I realized I needed to make some changes in our relationship. I started to see the importance of spending quality time together, trying new things, and being more romantic. I even reconsidered our future plans, realizing that maybe a long trip wasn't what I wanted after all.
However, by the time I returned in March 2024, her doubts had grown into something more serious. We had a heart-wrenching conversation where she expressed her feelings had changed, and she couldn't see a future with me anymore. She didn't wanted to go to Australia anymore and felt like one of us would not be happy especially me. I was shocked and didn't thought about expressing the "shift" that happenned during my trip, i just went home. The same day i texted her and said that we need to meet and talk more in details, we did and she was surprised by this "shift" from my side, she told me that she needed some time to think about it. 3 days after, despite my efforts to show her that I'd changed and that we could work through our issues, she felt it was too late. So we broke up, it was devastating, but I respected her decision. We ended it remembering all our beautiful memories and by a last kiss.
In the weeks following the breakup, I focused on myself, landing a great job and reconnecting with my family. But, of course, I still thought about her constantly. She still had my photos on her instagram, was liking my photos/stories so i thought there was still some open doors. About three weeks after the breakup, I reached out to her, hoping we could talk things through.
I asked her if she would be available for a "date", and she was hesitating and saying that it was too early. During our conversation, she admitted she still had feelings for me, was attached to me, and had a lot of affection. Despite this, she felt it was too early to meet, indeed she was very busy these last days and didn't had time to really feel the breakup, however she was sad and thinking a lot about me. She said she would like to maintain a connection with me but don't know how yet. She also said she couldn't see a path forward, she know that this breakup is sad because it's a lack of timing and she didn't communicated earlier, but in her hearth she feel like it's too late. I ended up telling that I understand her point of view but I would be here if she change mind and want to work on the relation.
Since then, we've had zero contact. She is in a trip with friend in Mexico so i think still didn't have time to think about everything. I unfollowed her on social media to give myself some space. I improved every aspect of my life and i go a lot to gym, eat healthy, sleep well, got good routine. I even want to go to therapy to dig deeper and try to improve some negative aspects i'm not aware of. I really think this relationship is worth it because we are both compatible and that the issues mentionned are temporary and concerning the romanticism my mind has changed.
So, that's where I'm at. Any advice or insights you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening to my story.

Some people still swear up and down that ivermectin is actually effective against COVID-19. This is false. They also insist ivermectin has far fewer side-effecs than the Coronavirus vaccine. This is also false. I'm going to prove it to you, but whether you are capable of accepting evidence such as listed below is something I obviously have no control over. I can try, and you can keep an open mind.
First of all, ivermectin has many side-effects, ranging from innocuous to severe.^[1]
To wit:

General

Ivermectin is well tolerated compared to other microfilaricidal agents (i.e., thiabendazole, diethylcarbamazine). Adverse reactions (i.e., pruritus, fever, rash, myalgia, headache) occur commonly during the first 3 days after treatment and appear to be related to the extent of parasitic infection and systemic mobilization and killing of microfilariae. The majority of reactions can usually be treated with aspirin, acetaminophen and/or antihistamines. Adverse effects tend to occur with lesser frequency during periods of retreatment.

Ocular

Ocular side effects have included eyelid edema, anterior uveitis, blurred vision, conjunctivitis, limbitis, punctate opacity, keratitis, abnormal sensation in the eyes, and chorioretinitis/choroiditis; however, these effects are also associated with the disease onchocerciasis. Loss of vision has occurred rarely but usually resolved without corticosteroid treatment. Conjunctival hemorrhage has been reported during postmarketing experience in patients treated for onchocerciasis.

Other

Worsening of Mazzotti reactions, including arthralgia, synovitis, lymph node enlargement and tenderness, pruritus, skin involvement (including edema, papular and pustular or frank urticarial rash), and fever, has been reported during the first 4 days following treatment for onchocerciasis.

Nervous system

Nervous system side effects have included dizziness, headache, somnolence, vertigo, and tremor. Serious or fatal encephalopathy has been reported rarely in patients with onchocerciases, and heavily infected with Loa loa, either spontaneously or after treatment with ivermectin. Seizures have been reported during postmarketing experience.

Gastrointestinal

Gastrointestinal side effects have included anorexia, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, and abdominal distention.

Other

Other side effects have included asthenia, fatigue, abdominal pain, chest discomfort, facial edema, and peripheral edema.

Hematologic

Hematologic side effects have included decreased leukocyte count (3%), eosinophilia (3%), and increased hemoglobin (1%). Hematomatous swellings associated with prolonged prothrombin times have been reported, but the clinical significance is unknown. Leukopenia and anemia have been reported in at least one patient.

Hepatic

Hepatic side effects have included elevated ALT and/or AST. Elevated liver enzymes, elevated bilirubin, and hepatitis have been reported during postmarketing experience.

Cardiovascular

Cardiovascular side effects have included tachycardia and orthostatic hypotension. EKG changes, including prolonged PR interval, flattened T waves and peaked T waves, have been reported in single cases. Hypotension (primarily orthostatic hypotension) has been reported during postmarketing experience.

Dermatologic

Dermatologic side effects have included pruritus, rash, and urticaria. Toxic epidermal necrolysis and Stevens-Johnson syndrome have been reported during postmarketing experience.

Respiratory

Respiratory side effects have included worsening bronchial asthma, laryngeal edema, and dyspnea.

Musculoskeletal

Musculoskeletal side effects have included myalgia.

Renal

Renal side effects have included rare transient proteinuria.
I tried to get incidence rates for these side-effects, but in some if not most instances, the answer given for these side-effects is either simply "unknown" or they're just not shown. Imagine telling this to anti-vaxers: if they have at least a consistent set of beliefs, this should deeply alarm them, shouldn't it?
Some people actually did take the horse dewormer version out of sheer desperation and got really sick, were hospitalized or worse: they died.

1. In New Mexico, two people died after taking a deworming drug for horses and other livestock to treat COVID-19.^[2]
2. The FDA received multiple reports of patients who required medical support and hospitalization after self-medicating with Ivermectin intended for horses.^[3]
3. There was a significant increase in calls to poison control centers due to misuse of Ivermectin. Texas saw a 550% spike in poison control calls due to people ingesting horse and cow dewormer.^[4]
4. People poisoned themselves with the horse-deworming version to thwart COVID-19, resulting in an uptick in calls to poison control centers.^[5]

Ivermectin was consistently found to be ineffective in treating COVID-19:

1. A systematic review and meta-analysis published in the Virology Journal evaluated the efficacy of Ivermectin for COVID-19 patients based on current peer-reviewed RCTs. The study concluded that Ivermectin did not have any significant effect on outcomes of COVID-19 patients.^[6]
2. A Cochrane meta-analysis of 11 eligible trials examining the efficacy of Ivermectin for the treatment of COVID-19 published through April 2022 concluded that Ivermectin has no beneficial effect for people with COVID-19.^[7]
3. An article published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) concluded that taking 400 mcg/kg Ivermectin for three days, when compared with a placebo, did not significantly improve the chances for a patient with mild to moderate symptoms of COVID-19 to avoid hospitalization.^[8]
4. A study published on News Medical concluded that in COVID-19 outpatients with mild or moderate illness, Ivermectin use for three days at a dose of 400 μg/kg showed no significant improvement in the time to sustained recovery compared to those who received placebos.^[9]

The unwarranted hype surrounding ivermectin can be traced back to its promotion on the Joe Rogan Experience.^[10]

Public interest in ivermectin ballooned following Joe Rogan’s podcasts. “On a national level Rogan’s podcast was a tipping point,” said Keenan Chen, an investigative researcher with First Draft News, an organization that tracks misinformation. (Rogan, who has previously expressed hesitancy to vaccines, announced in September he had contracted Covid-19. He claimed to be taking ivermectin among several other treatments.)

Joe Rogan took a cocktail of Big Pharma^tm meds which, with the exception of monoclonal antibodies, were not indicated for his situation. In fact, some of the medication he took could have made things worse.^[11] Rogan probably didn't get seriously ill because he's fit and without significant comorbidities. The one thing that would have actually been the most effective was the vaccine, which he refused to take.
Many others weren't as lucky as Joe was. I suggest you follow the footnotes and see for yourself. Especially the first one.^[12][13]
Other than ivermectin, coronavirus vaccines are also a subject both Joe Rogan and his guests have shamelessly lied about numerous times, which could have caused medical harm to people who bought into it, and probably did. The most prominent guest which comes to mind is RFK Jr.
RFK Jr.'s influence is so odious, I am comfortable saying he probably contributed to thousands of unnecessary deaths in total. One incident in which 83 people (mostly children) died is particularly disgusting:^[14]

In June 2019, Kennedy and his wife, the actress Cheryl Hines, visited Samoa, a trip Kennedy later wrote was arranged by Edwin Tamasese, a Samoan local anti-vaccine influencer.
Vaccine rates had plummeted after two children died in 2018 from a measles vaccine that a nurse had incorrectly mixed with a muscle relaxant. The government suspended the vaccine program for months. By the time Kennedy arrived, health authorities were trying to get back on track.
He was treated as a distinguished guest, traveling in a government vehicle, meeting with the prime minister and, according to Kennedy, many health officials and the health minister.
He also met with anti-vaccine activists, including Tamasese and another well-known influencer, Taylor Winterstein, who posted a photograph of herself and Kennedy on her Instagram.
“The past few days have been profoundly monumental for me, my family and for this movement to date,” she wrote, adding hashtags including #investigatebeforeyouvaccinate.
A few months later, a measles epidemic broke out in Samoa, killing 83 people, mostly infants and children in a population of about 200,000.
Public health officials said at the time that anti-vaccine misinformation had made the nation vulnerable.
The crisis of low vaccination rates and skepticism created an environment that was “ripe for the picking for someone like RFK to come in and in assist with the promotion of those views,” said Helen Petousis-Harris, a vaccinologist from New Zealand who worked on the effort to build back trust in the measles vaccine in Samoa.
Petousis-Harris recalled that local and regional anti-vaccine activists took their cues from Kennedy, whom she said “sits at the top of the food chain as a disinformation source.”
“They amplified the fear and mistrust, which resulted in the amplification of the epidemic and an increased number of children dying. Children were being brought for care too late,” she said.

The pandemic is over. Ivermectin wasn't effective. On the one hand we should move on, on the other hand, there should be some accountability for people who pushed this lie, especially those who benefited from it financially.^[10][15]
[1] Drugs.com - Ivermectin Side Effects
[2] USA Today - 'A serious issue': New Mexico health officials suspect two people dead from ivermectin poisoning
[3] Global News - FDA warns Americans to stop taking horse dewormer for COVID-19: ‘You are not a horse’ (Some anti-vaxers counter that the FDA lost a court battle about ivermectin, proving that it works - this is false)
[4] USA Today - Fact check: 590% jump in poison control calls about ivermectin seen in Texas
[5] Ars Technica - More people are poisoning themselves with horse-deworming drug to thwart COVID
[6] Virology Journal - Ivermectin under scrutiny: a systematic review and meta-analysis of efficacy and possible sources of controversies in COVID-19 patients
[7] JAMA Network - At a Higher Dose and Longer Duration, Ivermectin Still Not Effective Against COVID-19
[8] KU Medical Center - Ivermectin shown ineffective in treating COVID-19, according to multi-site study including KU Medical Center
[9] News Medical - Ivermectin is ineffective in non-severe COVID-19 patients according to new study
[10] The Guardian - Ivermectin frenzy: the advocates, anti-vaxxers and telehealth companies driving demand
[11] Doctor Mike - Here's Why Joe Rogan's COVID Treatment Is Problematic
[12] /JamiePullDatUp - "I made a terrible mistake" vs. "I'm still not a 100% sold on the inoculation" - videos of unvaccinated COVID-19 patients in the hospital
[13] /HermanCainAward
[14] AP - RFK Jr. spent years stoking fear and mistrust of vaccines. These people were hurt by his work
[15] Time - ‘What Price Was My Father’s Life Worth?’ Right-Wing Doctors Are Still Peddling Dubious COVID Drugs

Ok so my sister is planning on coming up to brissy, which she’s had planned for months. I live not too far out from brissy, maybe 1/2-45 with no traffic. So for one night (the first night) she’s staying at my place before she goes to her hotel in the city. Now I said I was fine to pick them up from the airport (which I still am, there’s no issue there). But my issue is I’ve suddenly become really sick, extremely sore throat, chestyy cough, runny nose, headaches, and I’ve been dealing with the bad insomnia due to new meds which is now being made worse by the fact I’m sick. So now I’m worried I won’t be up for the drive and won’t feel well enough to make the 1hr 1/2 round trip to pick them up.
I obviously don’t want to spring it on them last minute that they have to use public transport but with lack of sleep and sickness I don’t know if I trust myself driving into the city to get them either (they arrive tomorrow morning at 10:45 so there’s over a day for us to organise something if needed). Id be happy to cover 1/2 or all of the cost for them to get public transport but part of me still feels shit for it? Idk if I should just suck it up and go get them because I obviously want to see them and get them home the most convenient way but i just don’t feel great to drive. And no one else is able to go get them either ugh 😩 like I know it’s an asshole move but this sickness is out of my control so idk if I should just suck it up and go get them or not.

I have felt this way since I was a young child. I can’t tell if the presence is good or bad. When I feel it I sometimes get chills and on a rare occasion I have felt a touch on my shoulder. I was raised in a very religious Catholic household and still consider myself one just not nearly as strict. I wouldn’t go to sleep as a kid because I would feel someone watching me. I am a woman in my 20s. I can sometimes see my loved ones so I don’t think it’s one of them. I typically feel it in my home where my grandmother died but I see her sometimes and speak with her so I’m not sure it’s her. Does anyone else ever feel a presence?

My 3 year old has been not acting like her normal perky self since Sunday. Complained of ear pain and sore throat, with wet mucos-y cough. We suspected an ear infection, and in fact the doctor said her ears looked red and gave her antibiotics. However, today (Tuesday) she spiked a 102 fever. The doctor said her ears look great now, so she thinks the fever may be viral - probably enterovirus as it has been spiking here. Today, daughter has been super lethargic, not wanting to eat, and threw up once.
Is this a common presentation of enterovirus. Is this going to get worse before it gets better? Why do new symptoms keep showing up? Should I be concerned that she's vomiting now? I know I shouldn't google things, but when I do, scary things like meningitis come up.

Would you leave your spouse if they had a toxic relationship with their parent
Do you think it would ultimately affect you and cause you to leave the marriage if your wife has a bad relationship with her mother?
I grew up alone with my mom who was always very controlling of me and quite strict. I was always compared to others no matter how good or obedient I was. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t always hell but I would say maybe around 60 percent of it was. She had some good days where she would treat me very lovingly as a normal caring mother. But yeah overall our relationship hasn’t been that good when you see the overall picture.
Since I got married, our relationship has gotten worse. And unfortunately my husband has had to witness the dysfunctional and abusive nature of my mothers relationship towards me: her calling me bad /foul words/ swearing at me, not respecting me, always calling me useless or just trying to control every aspect of my life.
She has been staying with us under the same roof (in mine and my husbands home) for a while due to some unfortunate circumstances - I was hospitalised for a long while due to a threatening illness (that I am still battling at the moment and may relapse any moment). I have 3 very young children, a toddler and infant twins. Im still only a few months post-partum. It was the complications in my labour and delivery that led to my health condition / illness worsening. April last month, my family were told that I might not survive. For weeks I was on a ventilator in the intensive care unit at the hospital. Miraculously (and alhamdulilah) I managed to pull through it. I was eventually allowed to come home after weeks of therapy & treatment. So my mom had to care for all my babies while I was hospitalised. I thought coming home, this would all change and my mom would be more caring towards me and not seem so upset all the time but it seems like our relationship is still the same and probably even worse. I sometimes don’t blame her bc I know how depressed she is but it’s no excuse to dogpile on me her problems & her anger.
Background: Before my dad left us when I was 6, he was physically abusive towards my mom and as a child Ive witnessed all the domestic abuse that went on at home. He then abandoned us eventually and till this day I don’t really have much contact with him. I still have unpleasant memories of him doing inappropriate things to me as a child yet it’s something I’ve tried to block out and my mom won’t fully acknowledge the SA that I may have endured from him. I know all this would affect my mother a lot. Especially when her second marriage didn’t work out either. Feels like she is unhappy how I am married to a man and her hatred for men is affecting her judgement on my husband. No matter how well he treats her, she still holds this grudge against him. They have had a lot of disagreements, and have recently had a massive fight (i did a previous post about this) but they are on civil terms now. However, as of recently me and my mom had a big fight, this all happened whilst my husband was away on a trip with his friends and cousin. This fight ended up with me physically attacking my own mother. Which I am very sad that it had to resort to that. I was driven to insanity from her remarks and bad words that I just suddenly lashed out at her to shut her up and just kept hitting her. She then said to me that’s what she wanted for me to do so she can be the one in the right. And she started telling me how I’m going to go to hell for a laying a hand on my own mother. I lashed out again and then she threw a metalic object in my face which has bruised my left eye and just above it where the temple is. That area is still blue and purple right now, which my husband will visibly see when he comes back home. I deserve it I know. I regret submitting to that fit of rage so much. It’s like a jinn had taken over me and I can’t stop crying but I don’t know how else to control my rage and anger in that moment. I literally feel insane. I’m already suffering from postnatal depression and an illness that has affected my whole life AND past memories of a trauma that I do not want to remember AND a difficult mother who is suffering from depression, OCD and a lot of hatred towards my little family. I called my husband and told him what happened whilst I was crying and sobbing but he told me to try dealing with it, as she’s my mother and he doesn’t ever want to get involved again. I don’t know why I called him I guess it was just the heat of the moment, I needed to talk to someone.
My mother heard me on the phone to him and decided to talk to him herself and told him that we fought and that I physically attacked her and that I am an embarrassment & all of that. She said “what daughter do you know physically lashes out at their own mother” My husband messaged me and asked me if that was true. I told him it was true. He messaged me saying he’s disappointed in my reaction and didn’t realise how crazy me and my mom both were. He wishes he never met me and married me.
I cried myself to sleep that night. I never wanted my marriage to be ruined or for my husband to look at me like this. I never asked for any of this, it’s made me even question my self as a Muslim and why all this is happening to me. I know it’s all tests from God but I’m not strong enough for these tests I’m really really weak and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I just don’t know why my mom seems to always find ways to fight and argue with me. I’ve done everything I can growing up to be a good daughter, I pray 5 times a day, I fast, I’m modest/wear hijab, I never had any relationships, I remained chaste until marriage, married someone from my ethnicity as my mom requested, obeyed it all (ofcourse not for her, but for the sake of God), graduated with high grades, got my dream job alhamdulilah, saved up so much money from previous work and bought my home with my husband but yet I’m still someone who is lacking in her eyes. Why??? I’ve been tested with my health, my mother and now it seems like my marriage is on the line.
I keep wishing everyday I wish I just died when I was in hospital why did the healthcare team even try so hard to save me. Both my physical and mental health is deteriorating and I can’t even focus on being a mother to my very young children. Is there any coming back from this?
I felt really bad and asked for my mother’s forgiveness the next day and we have squashed the argument and she has also apologised to me but I fear it’s too late. I forgive her and she forgives me. She has agreed to leave soon but she is attached to my children and doesn’t want to leave them with us as she believes my husband won’t be able to care for them well as he is working and he is a man that goes out often. And ofcourse I’m incapable due to my physical and mental health state. I hope god forgives me. I have nothing left but my faith right now and my children. Any advice on how I can communicate with my husband about this? I love him very much and I don’t want to lose him. Can he still love me despite all of these issues between my mother and I?
Sorry for the long post. I’ve never told anyone in real life about all of this.. so I guess writing all this down and what has happened is somewhat helping me absorb it all and to see if there is anyone out there experiencing anything similar.
Update: my mother has said she will never do this to me ever again and that she forgives me, she just didn’t realise I would lose my mind & get angry like that.

I have a friend who has a master's in geosciences and is working as a geophysicist. They are struggling really hard with their current position and I don't know how to help them out besides doing research. Would you have any advice for where to look for jobs, how to look for jobs, or things that would be beneficial to put on their resume?
From my understanding they do have a good bit of experience having worked several jobs in this field but are having trouble locating and applying to jobs. I think this is due to lack of sleep and honestly stress. Thank you in advance.

Hello reddit, let me know if I'm the asshole?
I had a 9 hour long bus ride with a very limited space for legs, even though I' not a big person (50 kg/170 cm), it still made me very uncomfortable and lacking in space. A girl sitting in front of me reclined her seat taking away from that little space I had even more and I asked her to please straighten her seat explaining that I don't have enough space for my legs. She apologized and complied. Half an hour later she reclined her seat again. I asked her again. Apology and straightening up followed. Half an hour, the same again. Then she gave me an excuse 'the seat is broken it keeps falling backwards'. I told her I understand and I won't bother her again. But I came with a plan to fix the situation (or so I thought), I will raise my knees to my chest level, pressing my whole leg from my ankles through my shins to my knees against the seat, kind of curling in a semi-fetal position, that way I take up absolutely all space, but I get to 'slide' forward with my butt and my back is in a slightly reclined position, therefore I am half sitting only and also curled up (basically I did a 'reclining', but just with my body without actually taking away space from a person behind me), this position made me more comfy and I finally fell asleep (the bus took off at 1 AM, so I was desperate for sleep). I slept for almost 6 hours. When I woke up a woman in front of me was *pissed*. She very angrily asked me if I could stop ramming my knees into her back as she can't sit comfortably. I apologized and told her that because her seat is broken and keeps reclining, that was the only solution I could think of to prevent the seat from 'falling' on me as it leaves me with virtually no space. Or I could keep bothering her and asking to straighten it up every time it falls on me. She said okay. Then she turned around, said something to her partner, they swapped seats and the seat never fell on me ever again for the rest of the trip. The moment she sat down into her partner's seat, the seat she sat into 'fell' onto my mom who was sitting in a parallel seat by my side.
Idk if I'm really TA, but my mom says I am (she's shorter than me) and that seats were not that uncomfortable and that the woman kept turning back at me (most likely trying to ask me to stop ramming my knees into her seat, but I was asleep) while I was sleeping, I basically 'trapped' her in an uncomfortable situation for several hours.
So.... AITA??

The situation:
Me and my ex-fiance broke up a month before she gave birth to our child. Initially we agreed that I was going to be at the birth. However, after we broke up, she did not want me there. I came to terms with this and was okay with it as this was her right/choice. We were still in communication during this time (after we broke up), and we were civil, even flirtatious. Leading up to the birth she got paranoid that I was cheating on her or sleeping with other women as my location was not at my house but on the street behind me, i explained to her that iPhone geolocation isn't always accurate, and i even offered to face time her to prove that I am where I am but she did not respond to my requsts. My ex's phone stopped working so i had no contact with her for 1 weeks straight out of concern i called her mother to see if she was okay as they live together, and her mother started slandering me saying that i got her pregnant and now ive left her a month before she was due, the breakup was mutual and agreed on both sides, and for our child we planned on co parenting effectivly.She started calling me a bitch and slandering my religon (islam) and became racist even though her daughter is half white and half indian, she also threatened me with force and threatend the police on me even though i hadnt done anything. I let the abuse slide as i didnt want to winde up any tension or make the sitatuion/breakup worse. My friends advised me to apologise for the hurt the breakup caused which i did.
1 week later, My ex texted me the night before at like 1am she was induced into labour that she was going to be induced and i asked her if she needs anything or wants me there, she said there isnt anything she needs and she said not to come and said it can take days until our son is born. 4 hours after this text she had given birth, but i had not been told this, and i had missed my sons birth. I recieve a text from bitter mother the next day that "he is here now come and see him". I was the last person to be contacted, her friends and family were all notifed immediatley, but they willingly contacted me late knowing that i wanted to be there (not in delivery room but in the hospital). The friends and family all saw my son before me and i knew this because of social media posts. I travelled from birmingham to london imediatly to see our son. When i arrived at the hospital, I was bitter because i was notifed last so i decided not to speak to her family and friends and see my son as the nurses allowed me. Upon picking up my son, My exs grandmother, my sons great grand mother, said "he will not be raised muslim, this is england not india, we dont do that here", her mother then proceedes to say he will eat what his grandmother feeds him, knowing i want my son to be muslim and eat halal food. She says why werent you here earlier, why are you here hours later making out to seem that i was some neglectful father who didnt care, her grand mother then policed me on how to pick up my child, how to hold him and how to change nappies, and threatend to kick me out, the nurse overheard this and said to her that i have a right to be here and i have 24hrs viewing access. then there was silence.
. They kept sayiing you should have been in london already we told you to book an airbnb in london, but i planned on booking it the day she was going into labour as that is when my paternity leave was due to start, i could not afford to pay a 300-400 so i can be there a week early.
I couldnt speak to my ex when I was at the hospital as they were in seperate wards, my son was in a special care unit and she was in her ward. So i spent a few hours with him. After the day had finished, it was too late and she had gone to sleep so i didnt want to disturb her so i went to my the hotel i booked.
I sent my ex a nice text saying thank you for delivering our son .etc and send gifts and flowers. I told her that my friends and family are coming down the next day from birmingham to see him. I walk into the hospital, and my exs mother started swearing at me saying im so horrible for not speaking to my ex after she had just given birth, and kept portaying me to be a cunt, she said that the messages and gifts dont mean anything even though my intentions in my text were me being grateful and thankful for the delivery of our son. She said your family and friends arent allowed to come, they have no right to be here, and said that she is going to get me banned from seeing my son if they come. I didnt believe or take serious what she said so ignored her and went to see my ex who was now with our son. my ex didnt speak to me once even though i tried to speak. A few hours later i went to grab lunch, and my family had already set of at this time. I told my ex that they are coming down to see him, and she said no, they dont have her permission to our son, eventhough no one from her side asked for my permission to vist and take photos. I couldnt believe what she was saying, she said that I couldnt see him at this point. Her mother overheard this, and said they she will ban them from coming but i laughed saying how and why are they doing this? I then get told that they will raise a safeguarding claim so im not allowed in the hospital. after my lunch i call the the head nurse to see if he is okay and if i can come down, and i am told that there is a safe guarding claim, and i cannot see my son, and they cannot dicuss anything about him to me as i am not on the birth certficate/i am not married. Eventhough this safeguarding claim is absolutely fictiuous. My family arrive and i had to turn them away. Since that day (2nd day of son being born), I have not seen him or heard of him. My ex has gone no contact and is not replying to any of my texts even though has read them. Throughout this entire situation my friends advised me to "bite my tongue and keep a level head" and ignore the abuse as it isnt the time or the place to have such discussions.
In navigating this challenging situation, my main concern is ensuring my son's well-being and maintaining a meaningful presence in his life. Despite my efforts to communicate and explore mediation options, my ex-partner's lack of response has added to the complexity of the situation.
Given the circumstances, I'm seriously considering seeking either full custody of my son, shared custody if that is a thing in the UK. I don't have access to the birth certificate but I know that they have no disclosed me on it. I've gathered compelling evidence regarding my ex-partner's living situation and behaviors, including substance abuse and instability within her household. It's clear that my son's best interests are at stake, and I'm committed to providing him with a safe and nurturing environment.
In terms of my own situation, I'm fortunate to have stable housing, financial stability, and flexibility in my schedule due to being a full-time student with part-time work (1 year left until i am a full time teacher, she isnt working and does not plan to and live on social welfare for the foreseeable future). I'm prepared to provide the stability and support that my son needs.
As I weigh my options, I'm considering pursuing shared custody initially, with the possibility of addressing schooling arrangements in court later on. Alternatively, I'm contemplating seeking full custody from the outset, given the concerns about my ex-partner's ability to provide a suitable environment for our son's upbringing. I do not want to take my child away completely from his mother as this is not right/islamic at all, I want us to coparent effectively so our son is raised with both parents. but this no contact thing makes it seem impossible. she has rejected to showing me the birth certificate and refused medations, (the mediator called her)
Ultimately, my chances of winning full custody will depend on various factors, including the strength of the evidence I've gathered and the court's assessment of what is in my son's best interests. Seeking guidance from a legal expert who specialises in family law will be crucial as I navigate this process.
My primary focus remains on ensuring that my son receives the love, care, and stability he deserves, regardless of the legal complexities involved.
Update: I have also contacted the police about the abusive behaviours from the my ex's mother. Id like to also mention that my son has a serious heart defect, and my exs mother is a habitual smoker regularly smoking cannabis and cigarettes, which is not ideal and can worsen his heart. he is due for an operation but I don't know when this is but I know its within the coming months. but I do not want him in a household that will hurt his health due to innapproiate care.