Didi ko choda aur gand mari

[Throwaway account] [Long post]
17M. Today cbse boards result came out. And I got 68% and I feel devastated.
I tried to do jee coaching and school simultaneously but I couldn't. I used to feel sleepy in classes so much that my eyes felt like burning. I was just not interested in this rat race.
My father is the most toxic person I've ever met. He doesn't even talk to strangers with respect or politely. I couldn't clear jee and my father scolded me a lot and today he said even more stuff that I couldn't take in.
I got horrible percentile in JEE. I know this is not the end of life and these grades don't define someone's potential or life. I accept I couldn't perform well and learnt my lesson through bad decisions.
But aaj papa ne bola "tera ky hoga, pura future barbad krliya h", "2 saal kuch pdhai nhi kiya bas phone chalaya, game khela, timepass kiya", "har ek exam me fail hogya", "ab aage ki padhai chhod de, labour ka kaam kr ky krega pdh kr", "5 lakh barbaad krdiya school or coaching me".
I wasn't like this always. Maine 8th tak boht competitions, olympiads wagera kiya h. Mujhe nhi pata mai jee coaching kyu le liya. Ky hogya mere saath mujhe nhi pata.
He called me and said "apna laptop and phone tod de aur photo khich kr bhej". Kyu todu mai apna phone jab maine freelancing krke khud ke paise se kharida th.
I'm not joking but he called me "ch*tiya and mc" too for not scoring good marks. He even scolded my mother and sister for all this. Bas yahi bolte raha ki mat kr aage ki padhai, sab barbad krliya h ab mera kuch nhi hoga kahi.
Aaj pehli bar saalo baad meri aankho se aasu aagye. Aaj mere se control nhi hua aur mai chhat pr jakr silently andr se cry kr rh th.
He has his ego problem and anger issues. Idk what's his problem. Hamesha se aisa toxic behaviour raha h. Kabhi game khelne nhi diya to jab bhi time milta th bachpan me mai game khelte rhta th kyuki brain aisa sochta th ki ghr me nhi h yeh abhi jitna marji khel leta.
Bachpan me cash me paise diye th aur bola rkhne and maj spend krdiya kyuki bhai bachha th curiosity thi. To jis din pata chala jhapad mar diya and bache hue cash phad diye.
To ab dar lgta h kuch krne se. Mai kahi bahar nhi jata hoon ghumne ya kuch khane. Aaj tak restaurant nhi gya. Bs ek bar dosto ke sath movie dekhne gya hoon Oppenheimer. Ek do bar cafe me gya hoon dost ke sath. Sab apne hi paiso se pay kiya hoon. Pocket money ka concept hi gayb h mere ghr me. School wale goa trip pr legye but 15k mai mangne se ghabra rh th to nhi gya.
Ab weird sa introvert bn gya hoon. Dost birthday party pr ya ghumne bulate h to mai nhi jata kuch bahana krdeta hoon. Female interaction to hai hi nhi ab.
Ek din meri didi ka pata nhi sayd result acha nhi aaya th to bola ki books road pr lejakr jala de. Mai chhota th tab.
Aaj to bole meri mummy ko ki mujhe ghr se bhaga de.
He never accepts constructive critisism about him. For him other's opinions and views dont matter. He only boasts how much money he has spent on education and shit.
Heck he never gave his BA exam himself. Someone else wrote instead of him.
Ky aisa behaviour acceptable bhi hai aaj ki society me? I think he's psychotic and needs a psychiatrist. Like wtf man.
Kahi se koi support nhi mil rh mujhe. Bs lg rh andar se toot gya hoon aur ab kuch nhi h jeene ko. Bs mera friend mujhe support kr rh kyuki uske bhi kam percentage aaye h. Atleast uske ghr wale jyada understanding h and samjhte h ki yeh the end nhi hai.
Mera dream h Germany me pdhna. Mai kuch projects banaya hoon ek dost ke sath apne coding skills se jisse mujhe kafi acha revenue mil jata h. To friend EU ka hai and we've been in contact for long time now.
To ek saal yaha local college me pdh kr next year bachelors Germany ke liye apply krunga yeh mera plan th. Along with learning german language.
Bs isi hope se mai filhal jee rh hoon ki ek din yeh sapna pura hoga and mai finally yeh toxicity escape kr paunga. Mera wo dost financially help bhi krdega if funds ki kam pdegi to uss time. Papa ke to paise bhi use nhi hoga to bhad me jaye mai ja rh apne raste.
Bs aur kuch nhi kehne ko h

Aaj CBSE walo ka result tha, jis kisi ka bhi acha result aaya unko congrats, Bhencho ye HSC walo kab aayega 😭, PCM teeno hi subject mai hagg ke aaya tha ig..... Agar linient checking hui tho 80 tak aa jana, lekin agar usse niche aaya toh gharwale Gand maar denge, 10th mai 94 the, gharwalo ko lag rhaa h mai Maharashtra topper banunga 12th mai🤡... Aur 98% laaunga, ab unko kaun bataye yaha 75 bhi muskil h
Gand fatt rahi h fr... Koi itna batado ki paper liniently check hoga kya election ki wajah se

Context : Depressed dropper with insomnia taking melatonin gets 95.4 in first attempt, falls to 93.6 in second, with his last attempt being 2024, has no hope in himself and no confidence; in all darkness he unleashes anti trauma and starts being hyper optimistic. I could only study for 3 hours on day 1. 5 hrs 15 sth min on day 2. 5 hrs on day 3. 6 hours 7 minutes on day 4. 6hrs 11 min on day 5. 6 hrs 13 min on day 6. 6hrs 23 minutes on day 7. 6hrs 30 min on day 8. 6hr 10 min on day 9. 5 hrs 21 minutes on day 10. 7 hrs 33 min on day 11. 7hrs 3 min on day 12. 4hrs 16 min on day 13. 8hrs 10 min on day 14. 6hrs 8 min on day 15. 8hrs 1 min on day 16.
And.....today I studied for 8hrs 17min. First off, IIT Express of CHEMICAL bonding is absolute dogshit. Sakshi man is a good teacher and the rest of the videos are golden but her chemical bonding is pretty shit. Don't watch it please. I did not really revise definite integrals today. Kabbadi khel ke aa gaya uske sath. Revised rotation and holy fuck😭😭😭 I do not really have conceptual errors but the silly mistakes oh my absolute fucking lord. I CAN solve PYQs(most of the pyqs - source ABJ sir ka session part 2 vaise) par behenchod kaise revise hoga meri ma chud gayi hai. Maths mein cutoff na clear ho de. Chemistry mein madarchod kitna revise karna hai behen ki Lodi physics hui hai fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fukc fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fic ufckbcjskuwhe he bhagwan. New strategy. I am making chemistry my prime subject and aim for roughly 140 Mark's. Give me a day or too and I can absolutely have fuck organic in its ass and I would only need to read a few notes after that. Inorganic ho jayegi qki I have covered basically everything there I just gotta revise and I am revising like one hour of inorganic everyday so in 13 days pretty much sub rat chuka hoga (kafi had tak ho gaya hai). Same cheez merko organic ke sath karna hai. I am targeting 70 Marks in chemistry, 30 Marks in Physics and Maths (matlab basically cutoff par ho jaye). If I just focus on Physics main usko bhi kheench me 50 pe shayad le aun lekin fir that would jeopardize maths an possibly chemistry. I intend to fully hone in and do mock testing to be be sure of this stratagem. In chemistry it is enforceable and in physics to some extent as well(tho it may take 4-5 days for me to actually start mock testing physics) but maths bro.....yahan cutoff clear karne ke lale pade hain. Vector 3d kar liya hai. Definite integration kar hi liya hai(revise karna hai adha is madarchod ko) ab kya karun time hi kitna hai aur Roj madarhcod kuch naya ho ja raha hai. Aaj mehman bula liye and I had to entertain him and he is sleeping with me today snoring as hard as he can. Behenchod 8 ghante se jyada padhna hoga bhai 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. I am going to fail and anxiety hits. But I will face the gut punch regardless. I am doing it to learn. I have to never stop working hard. Bros. Working hard is a skill. I have to be skillfully at that. Varna tukke se iit ho bhi gaya to vahan jake muth marna padega bas mehnat nahin chutni chiye to I will keep working hard as fuck. Advanced prep ka momentum I will carry over for iat, then bitsat. Varna lateral entry. Behenchod gate nikal dunga. Gand mar dunga behenchod. Peace out. 2:22 am, 13 may.

Yaaar this is just a vent u dont need to read it mei sabse jhut bol bol ke thak gyi huu ab bus ab sab sach likhna hai akhri baar So meri journey chalu hoti hai 9th se mummy ek din aise hi puchti hai konsi stream legi and i had no idea about it matlab ye sab cheezo ke baare mei pata hi nahi tha never ever cared to know about aage ka, meine kahan pata nahi dekhenge bhai ne bola arts le lena and mummy ne gusse se bola arts nahi legi ki wo option hi nahi hai and i am a very rebellious kid thus fir mei bhi bolne lagi ki haa arts mei kya problem hai blah blah but then 10th end ho gya and mera confusion bohot jyada badh gya i could not choose between sci,comm,arts i just couldnt say ki ye ek cheez karni hai my thinking was ki abhi tk inme se kuch try nahi kiya toh choose kaise karu it was also related to guilt nahi chahiye future mei so bohot bohot socha aur fir mummy ne bola sci safe option agar accha nahi laga to "stream switch" wala bahana diya and i was okay with it kyunki i couldnt choose then waise mujhe maths bohot pasand tha school se hi so 2nd reason mummy ka ye tha, then started 11th mei bohot serious thi ki jo bhi karungi best banungi ussme so isiliye i had decided i will give my 100% if not enough 200%, starting mei achhe se religiously padha marks bhi theek thak the the problem that happened in start was mei chutiya coaching mei chali gyi the problem was with the crowd it was so dumb and not serious, mere marks theek thak the fir bhi meri class mei rank 5-6 thi imagine and ye sirf start mei nahi hua pure do saal yahi hota raha mei gande marks laati thi but fir bhi wo mere peers se better the toh mei delusion mei rahi ki i am also topper jab ki mei nahi thi, 11th saare lecs attend kiya did not even miss a single lec and carefully listened all of them then aaya 12th it kind of gave me reality check ki mei kahi stand nahi karti and i aggressively started solving diff types of books like literally dc pandey hc verma and sbt ke ques karti thi of the same chap but again the problem was saare nahi kar paati thi only some sums i used to do and never did it in time bound manner, still uk what i got selected in the toppers batch i wasnt even a topper T_T it was just relatively i was better than my classmates for eg; mujhe mains wale mock mei 139 aaye the toh baaki ko 120-100 range mei so ofc i was not good but i was just better than others, ab iss toppers batch mei aane ke baad aukat pata chali i was constantly scoring less marks generally i was the 2nd last or last in the list eventually i got removed from it baadme aaya october syllabus was over and i was all set ki revision karungi oct mei and then mocks from nov onwards meine toh test series bhi le liye the allen and fitjee ke, but my procrastination kicked it i stopped studying uske baad classes bhi band ho gye the so puri tareeke se padhai band hogyi thi i mean ek sec bhi padhna chhod diya tha meine mujhe fomo hone laga tha kyunki literally i had given up on living life for 2 years meine padhai ke alawa kuch nahi kiya na movie dekhi na logo se baat ki na khelne gyi na kuch celebrate kiya no functions nothing pura isolate kar diya tha and one day mere friend ne status pe rakha tha ki uska bday hai and i was baffled kyunki mujhe toh yaad tha ki abhi kuch dino/mahino pehele hua tha naa 1 saal kaise hogya and that moment changed me, mujhe kuch jyaaddaaaa hi fomo hone lag gya tha i thought ki mei kya baat karungi logo se ki jab badi ho jaaungi mujhe toh pata hi nahi hoga kya hua inn do saalo mei(tabhi mujhe ye realise ho raha tha ki ye baate itni imp nahi hai but my inner self could not accept it it was enough for her) so meine movies dekhna chalu kar diya literally koi bhi bakwas si movie jo bhi youtube pe available ho kyunki mere pass koi prime ya netflix nahi tha then it was dec mei pura dec fifr movies and yt shorts scroll karte rehe gyi then jan same routine drr hi nhi lag raha tha mujhe idk whyy, kuch ig 3 din bacche the mere 1st attempt ko i started to get scarred i started to revise everything day and night mains ke pehele puri raat soyi nahi revise kar rahi thi and then gave mains got 75%tile and the main thing is nobody knows all this stuff thats happening they think i gave my 100% but the truth is i gave up in the end i didnt try at all in the last, then came the bad news uk what i started to watch porn yaa i am fully wasted person, so backstory i was introduced to porn by my friend in school and i told her i will never watch it and dusre dost ne bola tha ki wo mujhe porn dikha ke rahega and i used to tell him it wil never happen but unfortunately it did happen and the problem with it was it entered in my life at wrong time i was already lonely and miserable and thats why i started watching porn starting mei it wasnt addiction but lately it has started to affect me badly meine mains ke baad naa hi boards ke liye padha naa hi second attempt ke liye and i have not revised since so many months just counted 6 months i have not studied a single thing, i have no college and i have no backup, parents ameer bhi nahi hai naa hi business hai humara i am fucked in life i blame myself for it fully i deserve all the loneliness and isolation i am a toxic person who should not live i cant do one thing properly i cant control myself i cant do anything i dont have any talents but i do have many things that interests me but i have no hope from life currently, was suicidal rn so thought i could vent out all and feel lighter and yes i am feeling lighter idk kya hoga mera but lets see what happens i have alot of dreams which are unrealistic thats why i need to live to complete those, now slowly i am getting back on track although i waste alot of time still of reddit and youtube but still i am now consiously trying to reduce it and study again i need to get a college this year i cant take a drop my mental health wont support that decision of mine sooo peace out byee idk maybe i wont come on reddit after this or probably i will(99.999% i will itna self control built nahi hua hai) There's a lot more to this but i cant type each and every thing but atleast while writing i recalled those things thankss ps: there might be errors but who cares i aint going to read it again neither should u read it

Bhai ye bakchodi bahot ho gayi ye thode log aakar ek cheez bolte hai inse number poocho to 200 aate the aur 3 4 saal ke droppers hote hai aur random yt inst comment utha ke bolte hai leak hua har saal ye leak to hogai hi aur jab inse kabo un scammers ko pakdho to nhi ji scammers ko kyn pakhde wE wAnT ReNEeT humare 100 number isliye aae kynki leak ho gaya aur jab indian country chodte hai phir log popchte hai kyn choda

The dumbest thing I saw today was people predicting date and time of result, I was like kya hai ye, kya point hai iska….
Anyways goodluck sabhi ko, accha aayega sabka dw…

Hlo Everyone So yeh mai apne baare mai bta rha kya mtlab rant hai🥲 So mai kbhi bhi padhai mai aacha nhi tha school mai na hi mujhe man krta tha padhne na hi koi seriousness thi ..fir 9th mai lockdown end hone ke baad seriousness aaya fir aacha se padha lekin sirf science padha aache se..aur sub mai interest nhi tha fir maine socha iit ka prep krunga books mangwa liya lekin pta nhi kaise start kru 9th mai yt pe search kiya mila nhi fir chor diya socha hatao bhencho fir 9th aise hi end hua mere 71 marks aaye out of 80 science mai aur sb mai average.. 10th aaya firse lockdown lg gya khub bakchodi kri padhai chor ke padhta tha lekin bhut kam ..... bgmi khela insta Chalaya ladkiyo ke chakkar mai nhi tha (mtlab tha thora sa) fir term 1 mai padha bhut ache se lekin sirf science 3sample paper khatam krdiye sirf science ke lekin baki subject bss 3 din pehle start kiya term 1 mai 80percent aagye Fir term 1 ke baad bkchodi ki us samay chutiya tha kuch nhi padha boards itne late se hone the phir bhi term 2 ke 20din pehle panic attack aaya bhut ganda wala and sexual compulsive thoughts aane lge bhut gande wale pta chla mujhe ocd hai phir term 2 26th April se hua us mai bhi compulsive thoughts aane lage jab mai exam dene jata aur ghar aata phir boards 18th may ko khatam hogye aur uske baad bgmi khela bhut kyuki mera interest bn gya tha mai socha tha tournament khelunga esports mai jaunga lund kuch nhi hua phir 3rd june ko jb train mai tha other city jane ke liye for 11th tab train mai delete krdiya lekin abhi bhi man krta tha khelu mai utna shi toh nhi khelta tha lekin aacha khel leta tha phir classes start hui toh maths and chemistry mai kuch smjh hi nhi aa rha tha physics aache se aa rha tha mujhe phir maine sir ko bola sir ne bola notes mai dekho fir maine yt pr search kiya mujhe nhi mila Sare jee mains level the us mai pta nhi tha ki jee mains level toh krlu pehle😓 or mohit tyagi sir ka channel ke bare mai bhi nhi pta tha aur kaise taise apna 1st diya 24th july ko 150 aaye usme maths attempt hi nhi kiya tha fir fever hogya uske baad ghar chle gya 10 days jab aaya coaching tb kuch bhi smjh nhi aaya sir log bole notes padho fir kha dikaat hai batao mujhe smjh hi nhi aaya kuch bhi fir yt pe oneshots dekhne lga kyuki detail mai nhi mila fir smjh nhi aaya tha toh frustrate hogya aur kuch nhi padha fir ghar aagya November mai chor ke socha bhi nhi kyu chor rha hun kya kya possible situations aa sakte hai chorne ke baad fir online kiya aur procrastination kiya bhut 12th start mai serious hua fir 15 din baad man hi nhi krta padhne ka push bhi nhi kiya fir oct mai dengue hogya fir november mai socha padhu lekin syllabus zero tha fir soche boards ka padhlete hai kaise taise phy and maths khtam kiye lekin bseb tha toh chud gye 68.6% aaya jan jee mains mai 60percentile the.. April nhi diya Ab drop liya hai ghar aane ke baad kuch nhi kiya insta bhi nhi chalaya naa hi utna movies dekha bss ghar pr hi thaa bss PROCASTINATION kiya boards mai aacha percentage lane ka opportunity tha miss krdiya ab bhut guilt and regret ho rha hai ki mere pass koi academic achievement nhi hai logo ne kitne olympiads phode hai lekin maine kuch bhi nhi kiyaa mujhe ghar nhi aana chaiye tha mai isiliye aaya kyuki backlog bn gya tha aur wha pr homesickness hone lga man nhi lagta tha lekin us samay ye sochta ki padh lete hai yeh 2 saal bhut important hai ab bhut bura lagra drop year mai aache se padhke apne academic records ko aacha krunga
Sorry itne lambe post ke liye agar nhi bhi padh rhe toh koi ni🙏😓🥲

Bhai aajkal har koi locality mein Jo theka wagera pe baith ta hai velle log woh sab bhaichara bana liye hain,, thar,fortuner badi badi gaadiya pakad ke ghum rhe hai,, ye sab log,, like ek ek gundo ka group bana pada hai,, gunda bolu yaa kya samjh nahi aata,, par inn logo ka "connections" hota hai boht saara,, ek call laga lenge aur tum sab ki gand mardenge ek ek ki jisne unka Bhai ki disrespect Kiya,, mujhe ye sab samjh nahi aata ye gunda gardi wagera,, ye sab chizzo mein gusna chhaiye kya bhai? Aap mein se koi hai aise group mein? "Ek call lagaunga,, 10 aadmi tere Ghar ke saamne aake Teri Gand fad denge"
Mein toh kabhi nhi gussa inn chizzo mein,, mein padhta likhta hu Ghar baithke,, par inn chizzo mein gusna sahi hai kya? Kyuki agar bhaichara on top kiya phir khudki protection bhi achha khaasa mil jayega agar kisi se dusmani wagera hogya,, dhamki wagera Dene ko maza aayega ....par ye log smoking drinking karte honge,, mein ye sab nhi karta (aur sunna hai ladkiya bhi attract hoti hai itna connection aur bhaichara rakhne se)
TLDR: ye gunde mawaali bhaichara on top Wale groups mein kuchh value rakha hai,, yaa aise hi vellapanti hai ye sab?

aaj nibha (meri masi ki beti) ne poocha, didi wo purana ghar kaisa tha...apne kaam me vyast maine bina kuch soche smjhe pooch liya ''konsa purana ghar''
nibha: aree whi ghr jiski baithkr aap, mama, tanmay bhaiya, ansh bhaiya, aashi didi baat krte the.....
uss samay, mai bhool gyi apne saare kaam ke baare me aur maano samay yatra krke 2014 ki garmiyo ki chutti me pahuch gyi.......nani ke ghr ki gali me pahuchte hi, mann me bada kathin aur gambhir sawal aa jaata tha.....ki ghr me mukhya darwaze se andar jaau ya fir bade nana ji ki baithak wale ya fir chawk wale ya fir gaaye (cow) ke kamre wale darwaze se..........uss 8 saal ki saumya ke chote se dimag me itni badi samasya........toh socha chawk wale darwaze se andar jaakr sbko aashcharyachakit kr deti hu......ghar me pravesh krte hi sbko namaste bolne ke baad......mama ko dhoondne ka karyakram shuru ho jaata tha.......mama ko itne saare kamro me se dhoondna koi aam baat thodi naa hoti hai......fir mama ke saath computer pr games khelna.....aur sbse kathin kaam aansh aashi ki rah dekhna, unka intezaar krna,,, maano bichde hue premi ka intezaar krna.....roz raat ko khaana khaate hi, mai aur mama teeno baccho ko neeche chorr kr chatt pr bhaag jaate the aur to aur chatt ke darwaze ko band kr dete the......kyuki uss darwaze ko kholna koi aasaan karya nhi hai.....ye teeno uss darwaze ko neeche se pakad pr kheechte the.......aur hum dono upar khade hokar jaal me se inhe dekhkr bohot hasa krte the.......pr ye hasi zyada der tk nhi chlti thi iss hasi ke baad hume daat bhi khaani pdti thi.....fir raat ko sone ke liye sbki khaat (foldings) bichana aur unn khaato pr chaddar aur takiye bichane ka kaam mera aur mama ka tha...aur aashi ka kaam tha nani ke saath sone ke liye ladne ka, nahi nahi usko nani se zyada pyaar nhi tha, nani raat ko haath wala pankha istemal krti thi.....raat ko nana ji ke so jaane ke baad hum sb anushka didi aur unke bua ke baccho se hasi mzak krte the, anushka didi ka ghr humare ghr ke saamne wala hi tha......fir jaise hi nana ji ki aankh khulti toh hume aur daat khaani pdti,,,,,yhi sb krte krte subah 5 bje chatt pr macchar aa jaate the......jaise taise adhuri neend se uthkr park jaane ke liye tyaar hote the hum sb.....pr us adhuri neend me bhi kbhi thakaan mehsoos nhi hui........park se aate hue ganne ke rass peena,,,, aur ghr aakr nashta krte hi chinki masi ke bistar pr so jaana, aaj jha poore bistar pr akele aaram nhi milta uss samay ek single bed pr hum 5 bacche bohot shaanti se so jaaya krte the.....aur chinki masi, wo bechari kursi pr baith kr soti thi.....sach me....bohot pyaara tha purana ghr.....holiday homework ke naam pr sirf aur sirf baatein krna........nahane ke liye bathroom nhi chawki ka istemaal krte the hum bacche.....poora samay handpump pr latke rhna.....storeroom me chipkali se bachte bachate sabun nikaal kr laana.......jhaadu se phle seediyo pr saare joote chappal kone me lgana.....ladai ho jaane pr sb baccho ko alag alag kamro me bitha diya jaata tha.......porra din chutki masi aur divya masi ka wait krna......dophhar me sone ki jagah cartoon dekhna......purane ghr jaisa koi ghr dobara nhi bn skta.......inhi sb vicharo me khoyi thi ki tbhi nibha ne yaad dilaya ki aap apna kuch zaroori kaam kr rhi thi!!!!!

Aaj ka din roz ki tarah start hua subah parents se daant khake utha ki itna late uthta hai etc. Fir padhne baitha (cuet) 12 baje tak padhta hu fir 1-1.5 hours game khelta hu uski wajah se roz mummy se daant padti hai so nothing new. Then my father came from office and khana khane ke baad parents se daant padi kyun- mera phone 4 saal se jyada purana ho gaya hai new phone order kiya tha 4 ko par galat address par kar dia to cancel karna pada and refund nahi aya abhi tak (SBI op) to daant padi uske liye aur fir meri mummy ne entry mari, she started scolding me saying "kitna careless attitude hai khar mein pada hai padhta nahi hai jee mein bhi acche nahi aye NDA bhi nahi niklega boards me bhi acche nahi ayenge etc" (this is my fault because i can't meet their expectation). I cried a lot. Khudko gaali dera tha man mein ki bhenchod kya chutiya hu mein loda nahi ukhad paya.
So now you might be thinking what is good in this so this all changed at evening, I was going to play as I got outside the gate my father called me saying kuch kaam hai aja jab mein upar gaya tab wo madir ke pas baithe the toh mein samajh gya ki NDA ka result a gaya hai and negative thoughts started coming in my mind ki agar nahi hua to kya hoga etc. papa ne dekha written clear ho gaya. Everyone was very happy. Apne teacher ko call kiya as soon as I said hello he realized by my voice (I was close to crying) ki hogaya and asked "hogaya" and then congratulated me. My mother and father then hugged me and I started crying fir behen ka call aaya wo bhi boht khus thi. Khelne jaate wakt papa ne 100rs diye bole kuch kha lena. Jab wapis aya tab mandir gaye. Ghar wapis aya tab papa ne bol dia ke manga le phone dusra refund ata rahega.
This day was unlike any in the past 7-8 months and I very happy. Padhne ke liye thanks and hope you also have a good time ahead.

Just realised lamba chavda likh diya- Jinka exam hai kripaya kripaya karke na padhe apni padhai par dhyan de. unless break liya ho.
raat ke 2:15 baj rahe hai. and this thing is stuck in my mind since morning. mene series of bad decisions liye hai. like offcourse not resisting like mujhe engineering nahi karni , iske upar kuch karano wajah se drop lena aur bhi bahot hai, saare padhai related bhi nahi hai lekin sabse ganda drop wala tha. mujhe vet banna tha ik its yuck for some people lekin, dheere dheere i understood its the same shit as JEE tough ahhh competition everywhere. not for me. mein drawing mein bhi kaafi accha hu, mujhe banna tha ek architect, gharwalon ko lagta hai architecture is useless bruh like actual architect banne ka sapna hai mera, chalo sahi yeh nahi toh nahi commerce? NEIN Lmao
Drop year ke shuruvaat mein he mujhe malum tha nahi hone wala mujhse yeh :) jihne real interest hai IIT NIT's mein jaane ka woh tak reh jaate hai peeche. mene toh sapne bhi nahi dekhe inke lmao kyuki karni he nahi thi eng.
ab anyways drop lene ko keh diya, PCM mein daal diya, Coaching mein daal diya. itna sab kara toh karna padega hem mujhse hua nahi kuch :) 70 percentile aayi last year iss baar 70 aur second pucho na toh sahi. Though mene try kara JEE maths accha karne ka kyuki B.arch ka paper bhi dene wala tha diya bhi. Did good in drawing but idk I fucked up maths sincerely.
mere parents mujhe kitna bhi ganda score aa jaaye kuch na kehte literally. Reason is they tried for few exams and failed back in their times. and yeh jo kuch nahi kehne wala part hai it hurts more then anything. Gaali dedo toh bhi chal jayega, silence is really loud ff's
Ab mujhe really nahi pata mujhe kya karna chahiye like koi carrier switch bhi possible nahi hai. Engineering is the way now, mera cet 11 ko hai. I don't know mein kya he karunga. Pura burn out ho chukaa hu. upar se mental health ke jo actual dragonized lode lage pade hai woh different. Pata nahi kitne number aayenge ya kya, I gave mocks scored decentish or even bad for few but its relative (90-110 never more then this and less then 90). mene mera part kara sahi se sahi - Chem and maths ke 22,23 pyqs kare saare ke saare physics reh gaya though lekin koi ni gand maraye. even if i fail to score good i won't feel shit bas decent sa score aa jaye bas like 90-94 ke beech mein khushhh aaye aaye nahi aaye nahi aaye. mujhe cse bhi nahi chahiye- abhi ke liye only mechanical interest me a little kyuki mene curriculum dekha uska (mere ke cousin se pata chala sab kuch) and this is the only thing that interests me.
But life is straight up fucked. nahi mila accha percentile toh yaha local mein CSE ya entc se kaam chalana padega since there is no point in spening ONE SEXTILLION DOLLARS on a tier 55 college. Abhi ke liye i will have to stick to engineeing kyuki yahi plate pe khana dalega aage masters wagera bhi karunga since abhi toh chud gaya huuu :).
Drop na liya hota* toh aaj dost jo yahi local college mein hai unke saath admission le leta, toh i would have been much more happier atleast. khudke interest explore karta, drawing banani aati i would have worked on acrylic painting, portraits yeh woh. yeh saal jo mental health ko chot pahuchi hai that is ahhhhhhhh i don't even know what to say. Interest nahi bacha kisi mein, chalta firta laash hu bas lol.
Laptop leke balcony mein baitha hu garmi ki wajah se, planes revise kar raha tha, suddenly yeh dimag mein explodeee jaisa kar gaya ab type kar raha, Subah se su!cdeee contemplate kar raha, ro raha hu literally idk what have i even become its not academic thing lmao, gand maraye result gand maraye sab kuch 50 percentile bhi aa jaye toh i will not feel sad, kyuki kari hai mene mehnat. maths pura ragad diya chem pura ragad diya with pyqs, lack of revision is gonna fuck me prolly lekin abhi ke liye fuck it. lekin depression kaccha chaba jaa raha. na kisi mein interest hai na kuch. my mind is playing both teams- ek kehta hai pagal hai kya bsdk ? jindagi bahot choti hai, yeh sab mat soch ek kehta hai mar ja bhai life toh waise bhi suffering hai. I am damn sure i will not KMS lmao, because i am a pussy to do so and i have constant hope of things will get better. bahot dino se i didn't see anything get better isi wajah se thoda kam ho raha ispe bhi bharosa lekin again i hope things will get better :))))))
am not bluffing on depression part- actually diagnosed hu moderately depressed, many personal reasons led to this.
JO BHI DROP LENE KA SOCH RAHE HAI PLEASE I REQUEST YOU- PEHLE KHUDKO PARKHO, TUMHARI MENTAL HEALTH KAISI HAI YEH DEKHO DON'T BE STUPID AND TAKE DROP AGAR TUM ALREADY DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS HO. IT'S A FRESH START FROM BASICS- LEKIN JUST LOOK BACK AT YOURSELF 2 YEARS AGO AND SOCHO KAHA GALAT GAYA MEIN ? MUJHE SAMAJH MEIN TOH SAB AATA THA GALAT KAHA GAYA? IT MIGHT BE LIKE PROBLEM SOLVING KAM KARI YEH WOH. LEKIN AGAR LAGE- YOU TRIED YOUR BESTT I MEAN BESST AND STILL FAILED, YOU CAN GO FOR DROP THOUGH, KEH RAHA TRIED YOUR BEST. (mIGHT KEH RAHA). SOCH SAMAJH KE LIYO DROP PLEASEEE AUR LIYA TOH KOI KASAR NA CHHODO WARNA, EK SAAL BAAD JAB TUMHARA EXAM HOTA JEE NEET CET KOI BHI USKE 3 DIN PEHLE TUM AISA RANT TYPE KAROGE 😭

Btw jin jin ne last post dekha tha, unko bohot bada thank you, akela pan me pta nhi kya kya hojata hai🤣 Worry not, mental health kya hota hai ye toh pata nhi, lekin serious extreme steps lene ki himmat nhi hai, sirf thoda bohot karta hu kbhi kbhi(idhar bhi sirf cutoff clear kiya🤣🤣🤣🤣)
Meri harr roz subeh se leke raat tak non-stop gand fati rehti hai(nhi bhai diarrhea nhi hai🤣) kuch soch nhi paata hu, sirf college, future aur mocks dikhta hai(VIT>>>>>MIT and BITS isiliye MIT ka toh exam hi nhi likhne diya)🤣din ke teen baar hilata hu koi feeling nhi aati lekin temporary shaanti aajati hai, ab toh 3-4 din me ek baar nahata hu din bhar baith ke ya toh paper, ya questions ya overthinking me reh jata hu🤣 3-4 din se ho rha hai(overthinking)🤣koi shows/series/anime nhi dekh rha, sirf thoda reddit pe bakchodi(mai toot gaya toh kya hua, atleast dusre ko toh motivate kardu)
Actually maine jhoot bola, mai wo mathongo ke adv analysis baar baar dekh rha hu🤣🤣🤣abhi tak shayad 18-20 baar dekh chuka hunga(mains ke baad se)(2x par ab toh attention span jaye bhad me)🤣🤣🤣sir ka 'toh baithe kyu ho, jao padho' 'it's not too late' 'jinka mains ke result ke wajah se flow toot gaya tha, wapas track par aiye' sunn ke better lagta hai(dekho iss bkl ko dialogues tak ratt gye, itna effort ioc me laga deta na bc)
Kal ek mock diya tha🤣physics ke baad ab non-virgin reh gaya(ye wave optics kya hota hai /s)🤣physical chemistry abhi tak acchi nhi kari(karlunga, kya matlab 18 din bache hai🥰) baki sab abhi bhi preparation stage me rahega exam tak, kyuki topic ka perfection kuch nhi hota, questions humesha aur bhi tricky difficult kare jaa sakte hai

Bhai ye bkl news wale aur ye online teachers dara rhe ki 10th ko hsc result he, aur upar se 16 ko CET he gand fat rhi he. Please thoda motivation dedo(Mocks me 130 tak hi aa rhe).

Dekho Mai na ek bohot avarage baccha hu jiske 9th me sirf 50-60% bante the kya bolu average se bhi gaya gujra but the thing is ki abhi mereko Lana tha 60% at least because 9th final I got only 50% atleast 10% extra is mandatory and 60% is the least you must get or you are a failure (for society) to maine bohot try Kia and ho gaya mera mai expect karke baitha ki chalo 60 jitna ko kar lia maine meri duty Puri agle din result hai news sunke gand phat gayi pura rat nahi soya mai my thoughts were ki agar just in case 60 se kam aa gaye to kya karunga and all but jab 10:59 ko Mera alarm Baja to I was scared to death phir Maine website khola refresh Kia and all and guys meri akhon me asu nikal jate but control Kia maine I scored 75.4% in top 5 and 73.33% in total bohot thak gaya hu ye sab se ye society wagera but sahi bolu to ye marks society ki hi den hai abhi mai commerce kar raha hu
And a reminder chemistry ki mkc uski mkb sala randi subject ☺️
Edit-: Jo bkl 90 lake ro rahe hai to yad rakhna Ghar akke marunga 🙏 Edit 2-: jiske 70 se kam ayye bkl tum ho failure to rand Rona band karo aur actually padho 12th accha secure karna hai (no hard feelings)

allen mai 570-590 laata tha end mai kam hur 550+ tak fir aakash ka fts psts deta tha 650+ bante the and pyp bhi diya 680+ aare the
And kal 590 bangaye Idek what to feel at this point bahot bura lagra bhai bahot bura lagra jo log mere se bhi kam marks laate the allen ke tests mai unko bhi merese jyda aaye hai jo log londiyabaazi krte the aur vape daaru peete the unko bhi merese jyada aaya bhai
Bhai yaar itna bura kabhi nai laga meko mom dad ne bhi bahot daata dad ne bola itna hi bura lagra tha toh neet nikaalta
Aur maine aise mistakes kiye hi ki aane wale questions galat krke aaya huun bhai itne gande mistakes questions thikse nai padha aise type Bahot ajeeb lagra
Pura khaandaan ko merese hopes the at some pt mom used to say mat padh abhi bahot hogaya still I used to refuse
Middle class general huun I should kms at this point

My first post here, This will just be a rant,when i was in 10th standard,i had a keen interest in biology and I really like studying biology alot more than the other subjects present at the time being,which eventually led me to select pcb as the stream I could take. I was more on the artsy side as a child and everything I wanted to do was only that. There was an intense pressure by my family ki Lena hai to sirf science hi lesakte warna hamlog tujhe kuch karne nai denge aur tu gharpe nai rahega and whatsoever Papa ji pcs officer hai to inko lagta Inka beta genius hai,chutki me neet nikal lega 11th ki starting thi aur josh tha ki neet hi karlete hai (i never liked the profession to become a doctor,and I still don't want to be) I continuously conversated with my mother ki kaise mujhe doctor banne ka koi interest nai hai,and mai biology sirf uske keen interest me padhta,sort of uski research wagera karni agar usko pursue karna,there wasn't anything else I liked in science in the end,sapna nai tha to nai tha yar To bhi i tried my best and i was doing good in mocks and still in 11th and the starting of 12th i was doing fine,but ultimately I just started hating all of it,and nothing really made sense to me,one day I went to a hospital and saw doctors and everyone working and i instantly realised I don't want to be this,I can't do this and i never wished to Abtak aimlessly jaaraha tha and ab mujhe nai karna tha I started searching about design exams and usse related cheezein,as mujhe usme boht passionate feel hota tha and i told mom about it and she started to resent me Dad ko bataya to he started to verbally abuse me and said ki agar kuch aur karne ka socha bhi to gala kaat denge,and whatsoever Mummy boli bhatak raha hu,and kaise mai bas ek failure rehjaunga,I told her about UCEED,NID wagerah and how it is fine and mere interest ka hai
But as per mere papa ki ego hai,wo mujhe kuch aur nai karne denge Mummy peeche peeche to bolti thi ki jo karna hai Karo,but ultimately papa ke saamne she took his side and left me isolated and alone And now I'm here,giving my first attempt I got depressed and very very mentally tough in last year ke October,i left eating and sleeping ekdum Gym wagera jaata tha and padhta tha,dono chohr diya tha I lost 15 kilos of weight and my mother still didn't understand ki mai mentally sahi nai feel kar raha and i don't want to do this Mera baap to mere paer wagera pakadne laga hai neet karne ke liye,and told me ki 11-12th ke school ka hi syllabus aata,gand kyu phat rahi Teri saale Samjhane gaya to ignore kardiye,for more information dad doesn't live with us He comes here once a week as per his job Now he's retired and stuff so saara hukhm jhaad rahe hai and everything,and i really hate it Birthday gifts bhi dete to usme bhi compromise karte Now I'm here,and mocks me 100-200, bhi nai ban rahe And parents to soch rae bete ko sahi raaste pe laa Diya sapne todke uske bhatak raha tha waise bhi I am so lost,nai hoga to he'll make me take a drop Ek baar,do baar teen baar 10 saal mbbs karo,phir zyada gand marani to upsc bhi dedo Suicide cases ke baare me baap hasta hai,mazak banata Aur ma bolti ki sab bacche chutiye hote Jo karlete Mai apni mental health ki baat karta to shaant kardete and blame kardete sab mujhpe Ab to I just don't even blame them We're just incompatible,i never could become the child they wanted And i never got the support and actual care which I maybe wanted I seldomly think that I don't deserve it ab,all I've done for them is not even enough There's enough convincing You can't convince someone who already knows what he'll say when i shut up
I'm just waiting for it all to be over,i sort of want ki sab khatam hojaye ab It's very,very frustrating living here Bhaiya wanted to be an artist,forcefully neet ki padhai karwai Nai kiya to bsc karwadi same city me ki kahi aur city me jaake maze na karpaye,yahi rehjaye Music artist banna chahta tha,koi support nai Mila usse bhi
Mujhe bhi lagta sab aise hi ghutke khatam hojaega yaha pe bhi mere liye Boht rant hogaya

Hello bhaiyas and didis of reddit, I am your junior now preparing for jee 2026 and there were a few questions I would like to ask that stayed in my mind even after reading through the wiki, etc. (also holy fuck so many resources in one place this is like a gold mine, tyvm for all seniors) Before asking my questions, I would like to provide some context about myself :- 1) A decent student who has scored fairly well ranging between 85% to 95% in his exams till 10th and has performed quite well in extra curricular activities (ik this doesnt matter but chhota sa flex krne do na 😎) 2) I have taken allen digital coaching program and it seems to be going fairly well till now, it has been almost a month since classes began and I am liking it thus far.
Now, the questions I have are -:
1) Apna time kaise efficiently manage karu? (abhi lagbagh 6-7 ghante neend, 5 ghante class, 5-6 ghanta question aur revision daily krta hu par fir yaha pe kai saare seniors ke short notes ke recommendation dekh kar socha ki mai bhi krunga par abhi 12-13 ghante classes jodkar padhai mai lagana abhi meri limit se bahar hai (time ke saath hopefully limit increase hojayegi par tab tak kya karu)
2) Agar kisi concept ko coaching ke sir ke samjhaane ke baad bhi na samjhu toh fir uss specific concept ke liye kiske lecture dekhu? (aisa abtak hua toh nahi but asking just incase)
In the end, thank you for helping me with these questions I have if you do end up responding and dua do ki jee 2026 mai drop ki naubat na aaye aur NTA mere L na laga de 🙏