SPOILERS FOR THE LAST SHADOW AND BASICALLY ALL OF ENDERVERSE TECHNICALLY
So i just finished TLS and I don't know how to feel. On the one hand I'm very emotional that Enderverse has ended and the stories come to an end but definitely not in this way. I'd like to preface by saying definitely not as bad as some comments I've seen but not good either.
Firstly the plot was ass, I'm sorry but the entire descolada stuff and the way it ended was poorly done imo. This kinda extends to Children of the Mind as well (definitely the weakest of the speaker series). Nest was just a whole lot of yapping with the story not going anywhere and seemed to just fill pages but these are just small qualms regarding the finale plot that i expected but did not get it fully and seemed dragged. Thought a planet was the source, find pretty early on its not, talk to birds for half the novel, get their ass whooped by humans who don't want them there, and ahhh the virus is just a bug that happened for us otherwise it's super safe idk how we missed that before which didn't even come from this planet btw and we may never know. Oh and also we have 3 new species btw how do we explain existing colonies to collaborate and share space? We don't that happens automatically just cuz Jane said so
Secondly and more importantly, had too many characters which led to problems. Speaker series and Shadows in flight left us with a lot of characters and then now OSC added 7 more grandchildren. When you have these many characters all you get is vague mentions to some of them and only a couple become main characters. I loved shadows in flight so so much and loved bean's children and their unity at the end. Sergeant being a dick first seemed fine by the end and then again he proceeds to be a dick again reaching adulthood. Character didn't seem consistent. Ender was AWOL like my god bro being damn near the shadows in flight mc and being a god at genetics takes a back seat in a big genetics problem. Then when we are introduced to the kid leguminids and only 2 are given priority and even them 2 seem to do shit on their own not working together with their cousins. Twins getting the most linear character out there. Card forgot about Ender's kids. They're still leguminids and are supposed to be smart as hell. Quara, Ela, Miro getting some lines here and there but apart from research they don't do anything. Peter and Wang-Mu were good I liked.
Lastly the detouring, inside outside bullshit. Like I get it and tolerated it during COTM but cmon it's getting too much. Very conveniently it becomes cheat code hacking and Jane is just god. If not Jane then the hive queen. But also at the same time, Outside can make a new bloody body for Miro, split ender into 3 people, CURE THE BLOODY VIRUS by just thinking about it, but cannot make a cure for Thulium. They didn't even try their very own creative mode. Wants to end detouring with this generation and then teaches it to everyone damn near and eventually they'll learn on their own.
Anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. Liked some elements of it tho OSC does know his emotion writing but overall I considered Shadows in flight a more apt ending to it all and also to some extent COTM

100 Girlfriends is a series that I think is pretty neat, considering its been my hyperfixation for the past couple of years. It's very much a solid riff at the genre of harem romcoms and takes at lot of time to actually break down each member of its cast and really ask how their character quirks really affect them, eventually transforming into world's weirdest group dynamic, where more attention is given towards how each girl interacts with each other as the cast expands ever further. Though that doesn't stop the showcases of sheer love and dedication that Rentarou is willing to convey every time he gets the spotlight. Also its funny as hell.
Hardly means its perfect though, as people have pointed out the many flaws of the story, including its pacing, the questionable nature of its relationships due to the age gaps and familial relations, as well as a general dislike of the whole 100 soulmates plot device. I'd love to discuss and refute these point in a later post (particularly the last one boy do I have counterarguments to certain objections) but this prelude is long enough as is, so let's get talking about the main subject of this rant: Chapter 119 aka Fondle Festival 2.
Momiji Momi is the 15th girlfriend introduced, and she has a naturally contentious main quirk. She is a training masseuse with a fascination for soft things, a fascination that spreads specifically to the body parts of others. This results in a penchant towards groping both the girls and Rentarou alike, usually with no direct ask to do so from Momiji.
This is a questionable trait and runs the natural risk of turning her into a Mineta, but a few different factors keep it decently justifiable. The main point here is she is constantly giving out massages to Rentarou's Family and others, usually before any sort of inappropriate gropage. Hell, her first interaction was Rentarou finding her after massaging the school's entire tennis team, who had literally collapsed from the sheer pleasure and relief of the massage, and in her introduction to the group proper she straight up offers to massage the rest of the cast first and foremost, and only after is the cast willing to offer up their bodies for feeling up. It takes on a sort of transactional exchange, the cast gets free massages from Momiji, and Momiji gets to indulge in her urge to touch where she wants (sans probably the d and the v). And the entire cast seems pretty fine with it, not really reacting after a while most of the time.
Momiji also isn't just focused on the fanservice bits; her penchant for soft things stretches to bouncy house, hot buns, bread dough, and Nami boob mouse pads. Even just looking at the human body she is interested is far from boobs and butts, going to cheeks, stomachs, hands, arms, and backs. While she still is there to highlight the goods when the time comes, Momiji comes off much more than a character exclusively meant to justify fanservice, even if she is debatably the simplest and flattest girl of the main cast so far.
Enter Fondle Festival 2, generally considered one of the series few actual misses chapter wise alongside the obnoxious introductory chapters of Chiyo as well as Beef Tongue, which I could write an entire other rant about so help me god. But Fondle Festival 2 has its status for a reason, as it very much murks up the ideas of consent.
To keep things brief, Momiji ends up swapping bodies with Rentarou through the powers of a convenient drug brewed up by resident ridiculous scenario causer Kusuri, and immediately goes to grope the boobs of every single girl on the rooftop with her new boy hands without the girls realizing its Momiji for a significant amount of time and absolutely without them giving a clear thumbs up.
Consent is a bit of a grey area in 100 Girlfriends more generally, mainly because as a gag series it does have a status quo that it needs to maintain for its cast. Usually most characters are pretty good about their ridiculous demands in terms of directly asking about it, but no matter how many times the characters say no or tell them to stop, such questions and actions will of course continue in the next chapter simply due to wanting to be able to pull out those traits for jokes again. Momiji herself is a perpetrator considering how often her groping is considered a gag in a panel even if it is making the characters uncomfortable, though she is far from the worst offender (looking at you Hahari). For the most part characters are willing to call out stuff that is actively bad and say in pretty uncertain terms that its terrible, but this stuff still does happen due to the nature of the genre and how characters are defined.
In the context of Fondle Festival 2, the girls in question are...mostly okay with it? They acknowledge that this is a weird situation and bunch actually take advantage of said situation to fulfill their less than kosher desires, and by the end its revealed that basically all of them caught onto what had happened and were totally taking advantage of it.
The problems start with only most of the girlfriends being okay with it. Uto completely breaks her chuuni bard persona and is left frozen in shock at such an event, unclear if she was okay with it. Several girls try to get Momiji to stop and get an unwanted grope because of it, and Mimimi straight up slaps Momiji (who Mimimi assumed was Rentarou) and insinuates for them to stop, but Momiji continues undetered. Multiple girls very clearly and explicitly give a sign that they are not okay with this and they need to stop, yet Momiji continues to make them feel uncomfortable.
My largest problem, however, is when you realize that Momiji is using Rentarou's body for this. Rentarou is a bastion of chastity in essentially every regard, going to frankly ridiculous length to prevent any sexual advances from the girls or himself. He straight up does not allow himself to think of the girls in a sexual if he can allow it, as he sees it as demeaning of the girls themselves and that would be a failure on his part. Is it a kind of ridiculous belief? Yes. Is it still his own belief that he holds up to the best of his ability? Also yes, and that needs to be respected.
Fondle Festival 2, in my humble opinion, does not respect that belief in a really frustrating way. I can't say for certain what good body swapping etiquette is, but I don't imagine that going off in someone else body and doing something that stands directly against their characterization, especially since Rentarou was knocked out for most of this, and Momiji even ends up groping Rentarou/her own chest, which makes this even murkier.
Momiji does end up getting some level of comeuppance by the end of the chapter through a taste of her own medicine and she fully apologizes to the girls about the whole incident in the bonus page of the chapter, but I'd argue the damage has been done and it doesn't stop the gross feeling I got when reading the chapter, either the original japanese raws or the translated version.
While I can shrug off a lot about this series, this flagrant ignoring of both the girls and Rentarou in this situation for the sake of a bit did not jive with me. Consent is important y'all.

I was pulled over for moving over lanes when being tailed by police they kept switching back behind me and wouldn't just pass me up and then 3 task force pull me over for "avoiding them".
I don't think that counts as probable cause to have to surrender my license which I did and when everything came back clean they wanted to search my vehicle to which I said no I know my rights and that was that but all 3 cop cars no no body cams on which in my state happends a lot. I didn't have a camera hooked up at the time so I didn't show my ass but I'm definitely getting one asap.
They claimed I swerved then admitted I just moved lanes to "avoid them" I was litterally in the left lane they were ridding my ass I moved to the right lane and last minute they got behind me as the was turning right and I got back over so I could wait at the light so they wouldn't be following me and shit obviously . They noticed this and all hid up ahead and they had backup already waiting asap. I went up ahead and they were stopped waiting and immediately got behind me and lit me up. Idk I just feel like unless I swerved or did something traffic wise u can't just pull me over for not wanting you to be driving directly behind me the entire time and the fact they purposely were following me last minute switching lanes definetly made me just want to get away from them.
My city has one of the most corrupt police departments statistically wise and the worst crime rate top 5 worst cities for not just homicides but unsolved cases and what not . I just want to be sure what exactly all my rights are and what probable cause actually is and stuff before I refuse to hand over my ID.
I have been pulled over so many times and litterally everything checks out nothing wrong here the cops just fish for shit in my city and are genuinely bad news I would like to know the full extent of the alabama laws and codes but I'm a dummy when it comes to these things .I will start uploading videos so you all can see once someone helps me fully understand my rights because if you think the stuff on youtube is bad ill show you all some wild stuff. I'm not some jerk but I sadly enough have a corrupt police department and need some legal protection from random bullshit stops for no reason at all and harassing the fuck out of me.
Bro after they ran my info it's all good they wanted to search my car I even said earlier my dad just died of cancer I can't sleep I'm just going to buy cigs so that's fucked up to fish for shit to find to arrest me . Like no reason to even search my car bro atleast I'm smart enough to know I can say no to any search and seizures but that's about all I know.

I've been with my partner [28F] for a little over 10 years and this is both of our first relationship. We have always been sort of long distant (different high school, colleges, grad school) but worked it out by visiting once every few months or daily phone calls. I initially had paranoia of why this person would ever like me but after awhile (~2 years), I was convinced that she truly loves me and she is very loyal (so I have no doubts that she will leave me). Now the problem for me is that, I do not know if I should continue this relationship.
I am generally a pretty optimistic person, enjoy hobbies, and have a good friend group. But I am also currently unemployed (for ~2 years now) and most likely depressed (I do see a therapist) because of that (financial instability, wasting away at home, etc.). Maybe my depression is making my feelings about the relationship worse but I don't really know at this point.
I love my partner but I don't know if I'm convincing myself that I do. She is a lovely and reasonable person but I feel like we are too different. She is depressed (for years) and very pessimistic and is almost the complete opposite from me when it comes to interests (food, hobbies, music, etc.). We don't see each other often (maybe once a week or 2) but when we do, nothing really happens (we just kind of just keep each other company and do our own thing). In the beginning of our relationship, there was so much to talk about but now there's nothing really to talk about. Our phone calls are usually just "how was your day" or "what did you eat". She would get frustrated about how I should give her more "attention" or talk about something, but there really isn't much to say. The arguments we have are usually stuff we like that or things disagree on and she cuts me off by saying she doesn't want to talk about it anymore when things go south whereas I kind of want to resolve it right then and there (I know this is a communication thing and probably a case of I should 'listen' rather than 'solving' but this is something I've been working on). I have been telling myself for years that she will change but I have come to realize more recently that I have no control over that. Obviously, its bad of me to think that way to begin with but I was still young and naïve. I have reached a point where I am frustrated about small things that she do but I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt her.
Reading everything above makes it seem like I should break this off and move on but keeps me conflicted are multiple things.

• My partner is moderately depressed and I think that breaking this off will make this extremely worse (suicidal). (She has spoken about this really early in our relationship so this is not a baseless statement).
• My partner does not have many friends, hobbies, or things she enjoys (she doesn't like her job, lifestyle, environment). I have tried to help her by giving her suggestions and advice to improve her life but she doesn't budge, even blames her depression (I understand it is harder for people with depression to break out of that shell). But this just adds on to the first point of why I can leave her, she'll have nobody and will be miserable.
• My fear of what if I can't find someone whose as loyal and loves me for me.
• My thoughts of "it's been 10 years already, I should be committed".
• I have also spent pretty much half my life with her, I don't know how I'll adjust. I'm honestly pretty scared.
• Hopes that once I get a job and become financially stable, everything will work out. But maybe all these thoughts are because I'm of the current situation I'm in and my depression.

TBH I'm not sure if I can even go through with this and maybe I'm just venting but I know that she most likely won't either, so I don't know. There's also a lot of details or things I probably missed but that's it for now.
TL;DR - 10 year relationship, both our first relationship. Opposite interests, hobbies, personalities. Making decision to end is extremely difficult (fears, hopes, negative outcomes?).

Hello! 👋🏽
Do you like to talk a lot? Do the other people in your life find you annoying? I won't!
I'd love to meet someone who likes talking and starting conversations a lot, because I am bad at it! It can be short-term, but I would much prefer something long-term! please tell me in your few first messages whether you want it to be one-time or not lol
If you can't start conversations then please don't text me, because I can't either :'( I can just keep the convo going, but if you can start convos, then please send a DM! You can talk about anything you want, or just rant about your day, anything tbh. I'll listen and share what I have to say too so you won't feel like you're talking to a brick wall!
Tell me what stuff you like, and I'll talk about mine! Saying our hobbies/interests here will give us less to talk about in DM's. And I believe that friends who are into wildly different things can still make connections.
BTW my timezone is GMT+3, if you don't care about timezones then neither do I.

I don't know if its necessary but a trigger warning for health issues, cancer, health anxiety and death
I think my husband and I both struggle a little with anxiety in some way. I used to have REALLY bad health anxiety but I've gotten really good at managing it over the years. Like really good. It's more just general mild anxiety but i make a point to stay away from potential triggers and whatnot and i can function pretty well.
My husband seems to currently have pretty bad health anxiety. His mind has been working in worse case scenarios lately and I've done my best to help him but he kinda seems like he doesn't wanna listen to me? I can't tell if he doesn't want to listen or if he's so anxious that what I say just doesn't really help. I've absolutely been there so I understand but he doesn't really communicate with me about it. I also kinda think that maybe he doesn't believe I used to deal with crippling anxiety, but I'm not sure honestly.
The thing is, he's been having some health issues lately. Just weird symptoms here and there, we're working with a doctor to figure it out but they seem unconcerned and of course it takes like a month to schedule any test. I'm not really gonna go into detail about what's going on but I'll just say it can be symptoms of a LOT of things, but there's a very small chance they're symptoms of an aggressive cancer that a lot of people don't survive.
I don't really have a reason to believe that's what it is. He doesn't have other symptoms, but I also know that doesn't mean much. The point is, this wasn't really enough to cause me anxiety at first. However, in his brain? It seems like that's what it is. He seems to think he has cancer and is dying.
He WILL NOT stop talking about it. I've done everything I can think of to reassure him, but he straight up doesn't seem like he wants it. He argues with me and dismisses everything I say. Everything. I've tried to be there for him but honestly his talk about dying is absolutely starting to trigger me in a bad way.
And honestly, I'm having a hard time telling if he's 100% serious. Like if he's actually so concerned that he's talking about it all the time or if he's anxious about it and is coping by joking about it. And he won't tell me?
I know I'm sounding kinda cold towards my husband right now. I care about him deeply and mental health, especially surrounding anxiety, is important to me. But I've poured a lot of time trying to help him because he seems genuinely troubled by it and now I'm getting to the point where he won't stop talking about it and I'm starting to spiral.
I try and ask him not to talk about it like that and he dismisses me by saying that I can't be sure that he's not dying. I say it makes me anxious when he talks like he is GOING to DIE and he says "how anxious do you think I feel?"
I have genuinely started to spiral over this. He's probably not dying, but I don't know that. It's rare but it still happens and it doesn't usually get caught until it's too late. He's probably not dying but what if I'm wrong and I'm going to be a widow at 22? We've been married less than a year.
I've been so anxious and emotional lately thinking about it and he won't stop talking about it. We can't help each other right now and I don't know what to do. I don't think he takes me seriously when I say I need him to not talk with me about that stuff and I'm worried that if I just straight up say I won't talk with him about it until we know for sure he's going to feel rejected.
I KNOW I sound awful right now. I care about him. I care about his feelings and his anxiety and his health. I care a lot. But nothing I say helps either of us and at this point I feel like it's hurting me more than it's helping him.
It's not even that he's trying to sit down and talk it out with me. We're not having serious heart to heart discussions about it. It's more like he's adding in whenever he can that he might be dying.
Like for example we're talking about taking a cruise early next year and whenever we try and talk plans he adds in "-if I live that long". Every. Time. Any discussion about the future is like that.
I want to make it clear, if he wanted to sit down with me and talk about it I would without hesitation. That's not what's happening. He's just adding in whenever he can that he's "probably dying" so even in unrelated conversations it's being brought back to the front of my head.
It was fine at first but it's honestly just worn me down SO much lately that I feel like I'm just unraveling at the seams. I've worked so hard to keep my anxiety under control and now I'm being undone and I'm just going downhill. In addition to some of my own health issues that I'm already stressed about.
I just don't know what to do. I'm at work on the verge of tears right now because I don't want my husband to die and I KNOW that I don't have a reason to think he is but it feels like that doesn't matter anymore.
I know this is kind of a long post. I didn't know where to put it.

Just here to express my unpopular opinion, please save your head canon explanations and such as it gets to a point where if you need to create the story yourself in your head , there’s a chance that some lazy writing had taken place.
I was hoping we would finally get to see some decent clone commando action, as they seem to take up a decent portion of Tantiss security divisions yet are mostly seen just.. standing there. Scorch potentially leading a squad of Commandos to fight the bad batch / kill the escaped clones? Nope, he just dies anticlimactically.
Instead we get these Special clones( that stay alive for about 10 minutes )! But not just special clones, these ones are even more special, the best of the best of the best!
That whole jist is getting kinda old and desensitises the viewer to the different tiers of soldiers the empire has. Like , so unless they are some genetically engineered and conditioned super soldier , they are almost useless? It’s a similar concept to how Disney made Star killer base, you lose the sense of awe when you just keep making stuff bigger and it seems less realistic and breaks immersion.
Plot holes / lazy writing.
The secret underground vault which is protected by blast doors , laser barriers ect, and is the emperors personal project of utmost importance, has a tunnel system which can be accessed through a wall of removable tiles ? Are you fucking serious ?
The bad batch goes back to Pabu, despite the empire knowing about it being a previous hiding spot? Are they not searching for the rogues that destroyed the EMPERORS most important project and carried out the biggest attack on the empire ( at that point in time )?? If they can just break into TANTISS and escape , they literally pose an existential threat to the empire.
Apart from that I loved the show for the most part, but damn I found that finale disappointing

I (20F) and my boyfriend (22M) started dating almost 6 months ago.
About 3 months into the relationship i found out that he had a huge crush on his female friend back in 2021 and he had confessed to her, she basically rejected him but didn't reject him at the same time, so they were in a situationship or something more than friends.
Now, this didn't bother me until recently when we were having drinks with friends and she called him up because she was in town and wanted to meet up with her friends. And he immediately got ready to leave but I was so drunk and I got sad and asked him to stay longer. Long story short he couldn't go to meet her because he had to drop me home.
I felt so guilty and I drunk texted him saying I'm sorry that I'm insecure and that I feel bad for not letting him meet her (she visits like once in 2-3 months). But I still feel uncomfortable with the thought of them hanging out, now knowing that they might have had something in the past.
He also showed me an archived post of theirs on Instagram and said "We looked like a couple here" while smiling and stuff, but this was before I knew of their past together. And he still has that post in his archives.
She did tell him that I was pretty and that she doesn't know how he bagged her but well..... I don't feel good about it.
Should I tell him that it bothers me that he still hangs out with her? Or am I being too insecure? And if I should tell him, should I like bring the topic up out of the blue or should I tell him when she visits and asks to meet up next time?
Constructive criticism is much appreciated.
tldr: bf still hangs out with a friend he had confessed to and had a huge crush on. am I being super insecure or should I ask him not to hang out with her if possible

Tl;dr — my copy of MoSh arrived today. I’d forgotten I’d committed to getting the actual book. In the midst of trying times I needed a pick-me-up. And this certainly ticks that box.
Thank you to Sean & the team for getting this done & out the door to people, and to the community for providing the support than enabled Sean & team to do this, plus providing such a rich choice of content out there.
In more detail
A while back now, I heard of this new game, Mothership. I’m not sure where, but I responded to a post about it from someone called Sean McCoy (on reddit? On twitter? I don’t know now). He responded by sending me a beta copy, for free. I was impressed by his obvious enthusiasm for gaming, and for this game. So much so that I bought the Players Survival Guide when it came out, to support it, but also because I enjoyed reading the beta version so much. For the same reasons many reading this subreddit do.
Since then I’ve collected a bit of stuff for the game, all in PDF. I switched to PDF for gaming a while back - I couldn’t afford the hardcopy of all the games I was interested in, and certainly not with shipping to Australia. And MoSh and the thriving community output was no exception.
One day I weakened. I made an exception. I supported the KS for the remastered Into the Odd. When it arrived I thought ‘wow!’ — so much fun, so much possibility, and in such a small, elegant, package.
I didn’t regret the price paid, and I decided that for special games I’d definitely see if I could one day get a physical copy, because I’d forgotten how much power a physical copy of a game (rules or supplement or both) can have on you to inspire, to play.
It didn’t hurt that ItO was similar in size to my original Traveller Little Black Books, the first RPG I ever owned. It was what prompted me to get the copy of Old School Essentials when I saw it in my local gaming store. I liked the look & feel, and that I now held in my hand one of the keys to old school D&D, in a form factor that felt good. I felt a similar buzz when I got Death in Space, and Corny Grón, and a couple of other titles.
So why all this ramble? Well today I got a mysterious package at the post office. I was just thinking I had to sort out the mess that is my email and track down where I am with different Kickstarters. I’d forgotten what I’d done with the MoSh KS and thought I was just down for new PDFs, because it was so long ago and I was thinking it was before my hardcopy epiphany courtesy of Into the Odd.
I initially thought it was something from Amazon. Nope, wrong packaging. Also, better packaged. What was it? Then I saw the box the A5 black box, like the original Traveller, but through the bubble wrap I could faintly read ’Mothershiip’.
I was stunned for a second. Then, ridiculously pleased with myself. It seems that during a year or more of mixed good & bad stuff, I’d made at least one good decision that is now paying off. I took a moment to enjoy just looking at the box and its contents, and think about what it makes possible.
Now I have to put it aside for a while. Life has gotten busy and I’m not going to be able to do anything with this for a while. But it reminds me so much of all the good times with Traveller and SF roleplaying back in the day. Much of it Alien & other SF mystery/horror inspired, to be honest, and not something I’ve played much of recently.
And again, I thought: ‘wow!’ — so much fun, so much possibility, in such a small, elegant, package.
Edit: fixing up some ridiculous mistakes and autocorrect

It’s true!! I mean I do the other stuff to like take my medication, exercise, therapy, meditate etc etc
It’s just a comfort show for me, I’ve seen all episodes but there are so many that I can rewatch episodes that feel new to me, it’s just perfectly cheesy, I laugh at how bad it is sometimes, I love the acting and also some really great storylines.
Literally when I’m at my worst I just throw it on, put a damp washcloth over my face and listen along. When I’ve been up all night and it’s later in the day and I’m not manic, just so exhausted , I just watch and pass time.
When I have tried all my options and just barely functioning it helps my brain relax .
When I am deeply suicidal, just can’t stop with the intrusive thoughts… it helps distract me.
One time I literally called the suicide hotline once and was crying and they say do you watch any shows or anything to comfort you? And I said yes I watch greys anatomy sometimes. Then they suggested I take a shower and watch some greys anatomy. I did. It did helpp.
It’s definitely my comfort show.
What is yours?

After sixty-seven sessions of Curse of Strahd (read all about it here), it was time for a change. So into the wild we went...
My group is nearing the end of Hither, and along the way I've written summaries of each session ("What Just Happened?"), along with interesting/funny quotes from PCs/NPCs ("Certain Things Were Said"), and a list of new characters introduced that session ("Dramatis Personae").
My intention is to write the summaries for each of the five parts of the campaign in a different format. For the Witchlight Carnival, each summary was presented in verse (my own, no machine learning shortcuts!), using the the metre and rhyming structure of various Lewis Carrol poems.
I'd like to share my summaries/poems with you all here, for posterity, and in the hope you'll find them entertaining.
For reference, the players are:

• Holafina (a harengon paladin who has lost three inches of height)
• Skerrek (a kobold druid who has lost the ability to lie)
• Arix (an owlin monk who has lost all sense of direction and is always hungry)
• Jexim (a brash fairy who has lost his diary)
• Sylenos (a beatnik, slacker satyr employed by the Carnival)

NOTE: Lewis Carroll was known to hide secret messages in his poems. I've done the same, revealing the campaign's big twist in one of the poems below. None of my players have picked up on it.

Part I: Welcome to the Witchlight

What Just Happened? (in the style of Jabberwocky)
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates, And those with tickets did arrive, Seeking things they had misplaced.
One harengon of curious size, A kobold with a slithy gait, An owlet who possessed two eyes As wide as Annam’s dinner plates.
Yet are we three or are we four? Let’s add vibrations rarefied: A Witchlight hand here to ensure That every guest is Satyrs-fied!
Enter now and taste the sounds, Feel these colours, smell those sights! Kaleidoscopic fun abounds This synaesthesiac’s delight!
Yet where’s the drama? Where’s the tension? Certainly we’ve had a switch (At least in here there is no mention Of that cad von Zarovich).
Instead let’s race a giant snail, Eat candied mushrooms by the pound, Or listen to a gnome assail The tightness of your mother’s gown.
Yet hark! A misadventure glum! Those not heroes please give berth! The best laid plans of love undone By Tasha’s wild unruly mirth
These mirrored halls! This desperate task, To find a luckless paramour A sweet-toothed lass with porcine mask That you could swear you’ve seen before…
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates And those with tickets did arrive, Now guided by the wiles of fate.
Dramatis Personae
Arix Specklefoot, a sweet-toothed owlin Holafina, a curiously short harengon Skerrek Tirael, a slithy kobold Sylenos, a cosmic satyr Nicholas Midnight, elderly goblin ticketmaster at the Witchlight Carnival Candlefoot, a mime and not by choice Rubin Sugarwood, a lovesick halfling Ween Sundapple, his laugh-sick paramour Glorange Turple, a poetry gnome
Certain Things Were Said
“I am worried about your ability to sense vibrations that I cannot.” - Skerrek Tirael
“Tymore, goddess of good fortune! Look well upon Shellymoo this day!” - Holafina
“Hate to say it, man, but that gnome really insulted your mother.” - Sylenos
“Snacks?” - Arix Specklefoot

Part II: Lost and Found

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Walrus and the Carpenter )
"The time has come," the Satyr said, "To talk of many things: Of poems—and props—and Jeremy Plum— Of crowns and pixie kings— And why things here keep getting lost— And what this pig-girl means."
"But wait a bit," the Owlin cried, "Before our minds do meet, For some of us are pretty spooked, And I would like a treat!" "No hurry!" said the Satyr, And kicked up cloven feet.
The Owlin and the Kobold Were walking close at hand, They smiled like anything to see The gates of Pixie Land. "If we could only stay a while,” They said, "it would be grand!"
The Satyr sighed so sulkily, Because he thought that Plum Had got no business to be there When all was said and done. (“It's rude of him," the Kobold said, "To try and spoil our fun!")
"Oi, Satyr," said the pixie king, "You've had a pleasant run! Should you be getting back to work?” But answer came there none And this was scarcely odd, because He had real beef with Plum.
Now Arix made a hamster friend Who offered up some clues. The others tried the riding-pug: A pleasant thing to do! (“The pug is fine," the Rabbit said, "But he’s no Shellymoo.”)
"How nice of you to come!” said Plum, "You all are oh-so kind!" Puddlemud said nothing as His teeth began to grind. The Owlin and the Kobold cheered: “That was our FAVORITE ride!”
“A wooden crown," fair Jexim said, Is what we need to come Our way along with golden paint For some un-princely sum.” The others stared, confused, and said: “Now where did YOU come from?”
‘Twas then the party dared approach The famous Mystery Mine Where psychedelic spectacles Broke the Satyr’s mind. (“I really wish,” Zephixo sighed, “You wouldn’t ride while high”).
Next Dirla pulled all kind of things Out of his wagon/portal: Bottles, bunnies, candlesticks, A shining blade of vorpal (Incidentally, there’s a word That kind of rhymes with purple).
“If you put your mind to it And searched for long enough, Do you suppose," the party said, "That you could find our stuff?" "I doubt it," said dear Dirlagraun, And gave a bitter huff.
Then he gave the Harengon The greatest gift by far: A copy of “Gnome On The Run” And bid them au revoir (Morgie would have laughed at that While struggling with slash “R”).
“I do believe,” the Satyr said, “That something is not right, And think we ought to pay a call To Messers Witch and Light.” “I think we ought,” the Owlin said “To first stop for a bite.”
But in their way old Thaco stood, A clown grown grim and surly: “Rabbit! Owlin! Pixie! Skink! You aren’t allowed to be-“ The Fairy interrupted him: “Wait, WHAT did you call me?”
Poor Thaco cried: “Things move too fast! And have since my debut In R-1: To the Aid of Falx From Nineteen Eighty Two! And if you’d seen what I have seen Then you’d smoke bubbles, too!”
Finally he stepped aside, At last the way was clear. The Satyr ambled stealthily With open eyes and ears And pressed them to a wagon large To see what he could hear.
"The time has come," Witch and Light said, "To talk of things galore Of prizes—plans—and kenku pests— and ever so much more— But first we’d better ask inside Those spying at our door!”
Dramatis Personae
Jexim, a puzzled, puzzling fairy Jeremy Plum, operator of the Pixie Kingdom and bestower of silly names Biscuit, a talkative hamster Pinecone, a riding-pug Zephixo, dwarven inventor and mastermind behind the Mystery Mine Ernest Wilde, middle-aged calliope master currently inhabiting the body of his pet monkey Marigold, his button-collecting goblin assistant Dirlagraun, a kindly but inefficient displacer beast, minder of lost children and property Thaco, a bubble-smoking clown who is long past his prime
Certain Things Were Said
"Worried I was, with talk of missing supper." - Arix Specklefoot
"Could you not just purchase a new pair?" - Skerrek Tirael "Not like this, man." - Sylenos
"If you'd see the things I've seen, you'd smoke a bubble pipe, too." - Thaco
"Is this it?" - Dirlagraun "NO." - Everyone

Part III: On the Trail of the Kenku

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Hunting of the Snark)
"Where the heck is our stuff? We just want to know This Harengon ain't getting bigger, Arix has no idea of where to go And lies send poor Skerrek a-quiver!"
"Would you get back to work?" Mister Light cried, Twirling his cane with a smile, "Otherwise find where this kenku pest hides; She's cramping this carnival's style!"
"Well, that was a bust," said our heroes, conferring, "Anyone got a suggestion? If we need to pull strings to get back our things Then there are some folk we should question."
"Time's an illusion, free will a delusion!" Sylenos' mentor decreed, "Get a contusion battling occlusions, Or relax and have some of this…wait, what was I saying?"
Sylenos proclaimed: "A genius flawed!" "A man/dragon ahead of his time." Skerrek looked at his claws; Holafina at paws, And the other two just rolled their eyes
"A centuar I'm not! I just made a bad trade The "Cloppinton's" just serendipitous, Now lend me your aid and you'll maybe persuade These horsies to drop some significance."
Then they took to the skies on a dragonfly ride (Holafina and Skerrek abreast), When you're this high there's just nowhere to hide (And to which Sylenos attests)
Now Skerrek honed on a runaway gnome Who was fleeing the carnage with glee, Holafina struck home and that's it for this poem For the gnome was the kenku, you see.
Dramatis Personae
Mister Witch, a matter-of-fact elf, devoid of pretense Mister Light, a flamboyant elf, luminous and coy Burly, a philosophical, pumpkin-helmeted bugbear Mandragon, a seeker of truth (and not much else) Diana Cloppington, a centaur who is apparently not, operator of the Carousel Northwind, a very forthcoming treant, operator of the Dragonfly Rides
Certain Things Were Said
"There’s something weird going on. For some reason everyone thinks I don’t do anything around the carnival." - Sylenos
"It's true, Miss Cloppinton! We've ALL lost things." - Arix Specklefoot
"Wait, when did we have biscuits?" - Jexim

Part IV: Through the Looking Glass

What Just Happened? (In the style of A Boat Beneath a Sunny Sky)
Now hear the Kenku’s strange reply (As Arix struggles to apply Triage to these pixie guys)
Asking questions, getting nought Set her on a different course: High sabotage without remorse!
And what has got her so irate Is what’s she trying to intimate: Zybilna has been quiet of late!
Ignore the rest, and let’s take flight To confront dear Witch and Light (Surprisingly, they’re quite contrite)
To keep the carnival in motion A tapestry of lies was woven: A deal with the Hourglass Coven!
Who take from those who can’t afford Entrance through the Witchlight’s doors Miscellanea adored
So THAT’s who taken all your junk! Time to find these Hourglass punks! Which way to this Feywild dump?
But first we’ll make a brief aside So Candlefoot can vocalise His mermaid love (now legalised)
Now the pair can tie the knot And while we’re passing time why not Ride the fabled Bubble Pot?
Yet ere you all are translocated (Everybody’s breath now bated) Arix must be coronated!
The time of truth has come at last Hesitation as you pass Though the hallowed looking glass
Are you afraid to lose your minds? What lies ahead? What lies behind? What do you expect to find?
Will Skerrek ever fabricate? Or Holafina emulate A bunny’s median height and weight?
Shall Jexim’s memoirs find acclaim? Can Monty locate Bobbitt Fane? (…hang on, that’s a different game)
Does Arix ever find the door? And will Sylennos flee the cause To study unemployment law?
Dramatis Personae
Kettlesteam, a mischievous patron of Zybilna Paleesha, a mellifluous mermaid, now reunited with Candlefoot
Certain Things Were Said
“Sylenos, perhaps in eight years you can come back and find your lost employment.” - Skerrek
“Ask me where the exit is.” - Arix Specklefoot “Where is the exit?” - Mister Light “I don’t know.” - Arix

Hello all,
Jazza has been a major source of inspiration for me for years. My mini painting was elevated, I've tried new mediums like resin and sculpting (a bit, certainly not at an advance or even intermediate level), I could go on. The thing is, the only space I'm comfortable in is 3D.
I desperately want to learn how to draw and paint in 2D. It's something that I've wanted to be good at since I was a kid, but frankly, I've never been good at being bad at stuff. Almost 20 years of being afraid to draw later, and I'm ready to leave my ego on the ground and suck for a while.
So then, my question is simply where to start. Or, I suppose, where do I start and what is a path I should plan on? I know that eventually I want to be able to produce semi realistic character work. Are there particular books, videos, and classes that you would recommend? I know that I want to pick up the Jazza character work class eventually, but I think that'll probably wait for a moment while I get down my fundamentals.

Hello, recently, my friend had a handful of self described "silly episodes" (bursts of high energy). However, the way they talk about it is upsetting to me.
I (18 male) am suffering from bipolar type 2. I have a friend (18 non-binary) who's been going through a long depressive episode. But recently, they had a handful of huge energy bursts where they acted super hyper and a bit out of character. These bursts mostly lasted around 60 minutes, with one of the longer ones being about 2 hours. However, after the first time this happened, they talked to a friend about the situation whilst I was present (and a part of the conversation). They mentioned what they experienced and that they were "very silly" (their words, not mine).
However, this rubbed me the wrong way a bit because they almost seemed proud, or rather show-offy about it. They continued to mention this event multiple times to multiple different people in different conversations, mostly out of the blue, where they made some random joke and would go over to talking about them "being silly" by saying something along the lines of "maybe I should get very silly again." A couple of friends have jokingly said that those events sound like manic depression (those friends don't know I have bipolar.).
I should mention that, judging from my own experiences, I wouldn't have said/guessed that these bursts were a manifestation of bipolar, as, as far as I know, from personal experience, online research, experiences made by friends with bipolar, for some reasons, one being that they were aware they were being "silly" while that was going on, and they always felt it about 10-30 minutes before that they were going to "get silly" (as you might have noticed, I'm really not a fan of that expression). Also, the general circumstances/particular happenings of these "silly episodes" (as they have sometimes called them) didn't give off the same vibe/energy as manic episodes from people I know.
However, the problem I have is not that I wouldn't believe them that they have bipolar, or that these episodes were mania (obv. I'm not a licensed therapist and everyone's experience is never the same etc...). My problem is that it feels like they treat it as a joke, or as something that's just funny to them (I'm not trying to say they are faking this, even if they were, I'd rather believe it not to be true. Also, they don't really have a reason to fake something like this). Whenever they talk about it, it triggers me to a certain extent, I get a bad feeling in my stomach, my mood is instantly ruined and i generally feel upset, you get what I'm saying. I also really really dislike them almost acting/talking like a child when they say "I think I'm going silly again." However, since they ARE going through a hard time, I don't know whether to wait to tell them, which could be a long time at which point there's no point at bringing this stuff up, or I could tell them now... however, I don't even know what to exactly say, as I, besides a couple of things listed here, don't even really know why it triggers me so much/why I dislike it so much when they talk about this the way they do.
Do y'all have any advice and tips I could use? What do you guys think should I do? And how should I talk about this to them?
TL;DR: I have bipolar type 2 and my friend, who's been depressed, had sudden hyper episodes. They joke about it, calling it "being silly," which triggers me. Unsure whether to talk to them now or later, as it's upsetting. Any advice?

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

Most women will deny this, but this is the truth:
Women tend to be attracted to the men they don't like, and unattracted to the men they do like.
If you are genuine and honest and transparent with your feelings, you're not complicated and you're not exciting but you feel safe - so they "like you" but they aren't attracted to you because there's no element of danger to you.
This is the behaviour women encourage in men and outwardly state they prefer, although they almost always friendzone every man foolish enough to be misled by this.
You feel safe, but you don't make her feel safe. And what I mean by that is, you feel safe because you're non-threatening, but because you're non-threatening you haven't demonstrated you can protect her and make her feel safe - which is why women go after men who make them feel unsafe (in a dangerous oh my god I'm getting wet sort of way, not a creepy impotent disgust response triggered sort of way) - because they know if that man can make her feel unsafe, he can make others feel unsafe - so then if she can get him to like her, he will use that power to make her feel safe both with him and from others. This is not what they're consciously thinking by the way. Most women don't operate ANYWHERE NEAR this level of thinking and self-awareness. This is me explaining the driving force behind their behaviour to you in a way they are incapable of explaining themselves.
On the other hand if you're difficult to understand, slightly arrogant, don't really take them seriously etc - they don't like you and think you're an asshole, but they're attracted to you because you project power, don't need them, don't make sense and are unobtainable - and if they can "win you" by making you fall for them, then they can benefit from you - except you can never let them win you completely, because if she understands you too much and domesticates you too much you become weak and boring - which is why the game is always on and always necessary.
You never get to "just be yourself" with a woman. Can you have moments of vulnerability and authenticity? Sure. Moments. But few and far between. Make that your default behaviour and personality and you can start counting down the days until she leaves. Again, women will deny this. They don't like it when I say this stuff. It makes them look bad and feel bad about themselves. So they like to think I'm wrong and double down on the nonsense they actually believe but which doesn't work in practice (that all men should be very emotionally available, open, honest, transparent and vulnerable all the time) - but this is nonsense.
An important skill as a man is being able to ignore and tune out women - a lot of what they say is noise, as in, a confounding variable - stuff they believe to be true because they feel it strongly WHICH JUST ISN'T TRUE - you don't argue with them about this, because it's a waste of time. Arguing against a woman's emotions is a fool's errand. It's like a child writing a 300 word essay on why it's unfair they have to go to bed early. Who cares? It's just noise. But it's important to them. So you let her get it off her chest for catharsis to feel better about it, look like you're listening and deeply taking it in, and then ignore the vast majority of it, if not all of it. Sifting through the mountainous heaps of shit women say to extract the gems from the dirt is an arduous task, and genuinely not something you bother with unless it's your wife or perhaps your mother as a loving mercy to them. But if it's any other women? Just ignore.
Most women are fools with foolish opinions who lack self-awareness regarding their own nature. Whatever they think on the matter at hand (such as this very discussion) is largely errant. They will constantly try to disprove you, and they are almost always wrong, and if you are foolish enough to be seduced by their arguments, they will mislead you. Don't let them mislead you. Just hold their opinion in low esteem to begin with and try not to get too frustrated when they foist their ignorance on you.
Anyhow, I have digressed a lot about why you should ignore women's opinions on relationship dynamics, so back to the main topic:
Women are attracted to men that they don't like (they think he is an asshole, sexist etc) and who they don't understand (because working out his contradictions is a stimulating challenge). This attraction then becomes liking you specifically, but not men like you (men who have your views and act like you) - basically in principle, she doesn't like you or men like you - never did - you are right wing, she is left wing, you believe in meritocracy, she believes in equality - but because women are not people of principle, but of whim and sentiment, even though they're not meant to like you they end up liking you because they're attracted to you, and they're attracted to you because you have some charm and cunning and ruthlessness and carry an air of superiority about yourself, which are qualities the types of men they like in principle tend to lack, but the men they dislike in principle possess in abundance.
This is why women are counterintuitive hypocrites who date men they openly call assholes, but then refuse to date men they say are really sweet and great who they hope finds a nice woman (just not her).
Don't let it bother you, they're never going to change - this is just the way they are. You can respect them less because of it, and ironically, your lack of respect for them will make you even more attractive to them.
Most women will never admit it, but equality isn't sexy - they are drawn to men who think they're better than them, and what sexist man doesn't think he's better than a woman? They yearn to be in proximity to that aura of vigorous masculine supremacy. They eat it up. And they hate themselves for it in principle, for liking men who by their own value system and ego judgement are assholes - but like moths to a flame they have no self-control, so they dive head first into the fire - following their hearts and their loins. That's women for you.

 --someone 

I make friends, get close, most of the time grow feelings for them, and then cut them off as soon as possible with no reason but “I can’t anymore” and hurt them so badly. I currently met this guy who is bi. We’re really fucking close. We talk on the phone almost every night. We tell each other everything, and we’re even traveling soon on a vacation to a new state. The thing is I have feelings for him. I keep picturing how it would be Ike to kiss him. Getting closer with him. I got him a job where I work at so he can save up to move. I even plan on moving with him so I can leave my hometown with him. (Which is probably a bad idea) But every time I work with him I go crazy I can’t stand it. It’s like all my emotions are all bundle up in one. Especially when he talks to other people I get super jealous. Especially this one girl he now considers a close fiend too. I feel like she’s going to replace me. I tell him I don’t like her because she talks crap but it actually because I’m jealous. She’s having a baby and he told me she invited him over when the baby is born and he told me he’s excited about it. I was so mad. But didn’t say anything of course because that’s his friend I shouldn’t be angry but I am! He talks about guys and girls. How hot this and that girl is. How pretty. How sweet. It makes me mad! This is a person I hang out with almost all the time. A person I talk to on the phone everyday. A person who comes to me crying tears when he’s upset, and I’m literally the only person he goes to when it happens. This is a person who Ive got drunk with and shared the same bed with (no we have never never been intimate.) he does the same thing when I hang out with friends he gets super jealous too. (He has become so mad and threaten to die or block me when I hanged out with others) But idk I think it’s more of a friend thing on his side versus me actually liking him more than a friend. Low key feel like he has bpd too 😭 But I’m at the point where I want to cut him offf so bad!!!! Sometimes I feel like he purposely says this and that girl is hot to make me jealous. I truly do. Because I told him in the past idc about how pretty this and that girl is. And he said he’d stop but it seems like he’s creeped back into doing it. He talks to multiple girls and guys which cool do you but he’s always telling me about what they talk about and stuff AND I JUST DONT CARE. Like I’m so fucking jealous and I just honestly want to cut him off and yes I have told him in the past I liked him but he always knows I have bpd most of the friends I made I ended up liking :/ so idk the idea of cutting him off hurts so fucking much and I just want to do it!!!!! Someone help me get over him and stop being jealous.

Hello again, you might've seen my post a while ago about a really bad ear infection I had. I went back to the doctor and it's slowly clearing up thank god, but now I'm starting to see signs of a more serious health problem that could've possibly played a role in me getting a really bad ear infection out of no where.
I (f21) have struggled with mental illness my entire life. I'm not gonna type out my whole sob story, but to keep it short and sweet I have bipolar 1, OCD, BPD, an ED, and just overall very very bad anxiety. This is all written in my chart and every doctor I go to knows this. With that being said my OCD and ED have been rearing thier ugly heads for the past week making me very anxious and miserable, to the point that it's making my insomnia worse from worrying and so much other stuff.
I've been losing weight pretty rapidly because I simply refuse to eat when I feel this way as a sense of control I do not possess right now and my OCD has been giving me disturbing and downright terrifying intrusive thoughts (like that I'm going to die of a heart attack or that my newfound ear infection is going to spread to my brain and kill me; as well as more harm ocd thoughts like me getting near any high surface and my brain screaming at me to jump off or to simply just self-harm again to stop the thoughts completely.)
I've been so stressed out because of my mental health that I've been noticing more than just a random stray hair that is kinda grey every once and a while to seeing multiple fully grown out bright white strands (which isn't normal in the slightest for me) and I have my samsung smart watch that I use to track my heart rate and it will tell me when something seems off and I have been getting constant alerts that even if I'm simply sitting and trying to relax my resting BPM are at a shocking 121 (which also isn't normal for me in the slightest), I'm a bigger girl, but my blood work has always been normal and I never once had anyone tell me that I am unhealthy once they see my most recent panel that I got 1 month ago. So all of these things that have been happening over these past few weeks have been worrying me tremendously.
My chest has been feeling tight and aching which shouldn't be happening to a 21 year old that has no heart conditions and I've generally just been feeling spent and tired over the course of this (my depression has gotten worse which plays a heavy role in this as well) my body has been feeling feverish with no actual fever, I've had some light tremors, I've been extremely fatigued and my gut health has been not so great as well (having diarrhea every day, multiple times a day, for almost 20-30 minutes each session).
I've been brushing this off until I just broke down today (I've been crying nonstop for about 3 hours straight now) and now I can't even get out of bed. I feel like my body gave me an ear infection to actually make me slow down and take care of myself, which I'm grateful for, but also very annoyed by.
My question is will and should I grow more concerned if these symptoms persist and are they more serious than I think? Thanks for the replies in advance!

Without getting too much into her personal stuff, my sister isn't living at home right now (She's 16) and won't be for a couple weeks. She made it very clear that I am allowed to sleep in her bed and chill in her room and stuff, but I have also been wearing her clothes when I have no clean ones. She was fine with this before she left, but I still feel kind of bad about it. Most of these clothes I don't think she has personal attachment to since she left them, but I'm not sure. I love her a bunch and I honestly just miss her, so wearing her clothes is a way to remind me of her, but I still feel kind of bad.

I’ll start this prefacing me and my brother are both minors (he’s younger I’m mid teens) and our parents mom (43) dad (41) ended in 2020 after my parents fell out of love and thought it was better coparenting separate. About 6 months with my dad was a struggle and although I know most of the blame was on him for simply not communicating well and being kind of standoff-ish at times he’s a great friend and dad.
After struggling with depression and living with his coworker for a month or two he found a small apartment for a while when he met her girlfriend. She’s nice, and I can tell she loves me, my brother, and my dad but she REALLY struggles with boundaries and jealousy against my mom especially. She had history of her ex husband impregnating her mistress who was her friend, and I know she probably wants the best for us but she always seems to be wanting to pick fights, and my dad usually agrees with her because he’s non confrontational unless it’s super bad.
I don’t want to get too into it but a lot of it has to do with parenting around my struggling younger brother.
My mom is a total saint. The type of woman who is naturally beautiful, understanding, and puts all people above herself, including my dad and his girlfriend. Anytime they want a day with me and my brother on a day with my mom she willingly does so, especially on unique occasions like vacations.
Before I get into this i want to specify my mom grew up where I live now but moved to Maui Hawaii when she was young to get away from her abusive family. She moved back when her best friend (my dad) lost his mother and had nobody (his dad passed around 19) they loved each other got married and had two babies who as they grew up toke between Disneyland and Maui on vacations. As my mother expected me and my brother fell in love with it and it feels more like returning home.
Back to the present my mom booked a trip to Maui for this summer because we’re all worn out and miss it since we haven’t seen it since the big fire in Lahaina town one of our favorite places, burnt down and killed many. It just recently got to the point where they are allowing tourists and is cost manageable. She booked it for in the summer like I asked because I admitted vacations and high school do not mix. Anyways my mom let my dad know by texting the dates and he responded in a way that didn’t sound at all like him and all like her. “He” didn’t give a reason and it used punctuation. Both me and my mother know he’d probably rather burn his hand on a stove than use a period in a sentence. We assume she’s jealous because it’s too sentimental of a place to go back to and my parents even got their vows renewed there, so he refuses to take her.
My mom broke down sobbing because she always does the right thing and the one time she asks for something she got in our way. I’m pissed and tried to just stay calm until my mom left the room and I just need to vent. I asked my mom if I could ask him and she was adamant I don’t. I eventually agreed because I realized she probably reads his text. I thought about it and kind of plan to on Saturday when I watch my dad play our favorite game, mention how happy I am to potentially be going on the trip as if I don’t know what they said. I’m not sure it’s strong enough but I know my dad.
My dad has always had a soft spot for me and I have always had an even softer spot. I think if I put my foot down and go against my mom who doesn’t want to create more drama, then he’ll likely take it seriously. I don’t want them to know but I want them to feel just bad enough to realize that not only the petty stuff she does doesn’t fly, and show my dad he really needs to step in. Is this a bad idea? I don’t know what to do I love her but I’m sick of this petty crap. Especially when it impacts me and my brother like this. Any advice?

So ive been emotionally abused by my father so many times before, I cant even count how many times hes yelled at me. But hes yelled at me and has made me cry, And when he yells at me i cry. I cry and cry if someone emotionally abuses me, And he even has called me names. And hes blame stuff on me and hes had hurt me, Hes even called me names and other stuff like that. Hes blamed me for everything i didnt do, He has been hurting me and making me cry. Hes been blaming everything on me and i wish he can be a better person, Ive never been okay before cause of his horrible words hes said to me. And he has been making me feel like the bad guy, But i didnt even do anything wrong to him. And he wants to hurt me to make me cry, He just wants me to suffer alot and making everything all my fault. He has hurt and yelled at me and has made me cry, I wish this never happened to me.
Im a 13 year old girl.

She is getting nerfed for years over and over nonstop, and only buff she got(which was just base stat arrangement really) was not really something important
here is the eve patch history: https://leagueoflegends.fandom.com/wiki/Evelynn/LoL/Patch_history
and nerfs has been VERY significant, nothing minor or anything
All the item/jungle changes also didnt help her. Now new season will bring lot of exciting stuff for other junglers with all the new items and whatnot, eve still left out
she is barely B tier, in early game every single jungler in the game can just beat her and bully her. she is barely a threat before 6, and even then she is heavily dependant on her ult to be useful.
there is no reason to pick her when there are many other much better junglers who can do any job better than eve. the only way she remains relevant is only if she gets fed early, but also everyone and their mom is better when they are fed early anyway so its not even an exclusive eve advantage.
i understand some people may really dislike playing against her, but now league is in such a state that there are dozens of other way more toxic champs than eve that are way worse when it comes to `not fun to play against` category.
at best scenario, she can barely one shot a carry after 2 items and it is not easy to pull it off too. people are not as bad as before and they know very well how to play against her. Like, she can only do her job under perfect conditions, which is very demanding meanwhile any other jungler with 2+ items can do their job easier without any condition.
Please show eve some love
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Im just going to preface this and say that this is not towards all NP’s or PA’s, and I’m just sharing my experiences. I’m not trying to discredit them, but once again this is my experience. I’m not a Karen, I swear. I’m a young adult who has a handful of health issues that I just want help with.
I am someone who has a bit of health issues, and I have for mostly my whole life, yet these past few years it has only gotten worse. And because of this, I frequently have to go to the doctors or get referrals. This being said I swear that whenever I go to an office for the doctors all I can get is a nurse practitioner or a PA. So, typically I give them the benefit of the doubt and just see how it goes. So far 7 times out of 10 they genuinely have no clue what I am talking about or have no explanation, or just a general lack of training.
I had this really good dermatologist who was very very intrigued with how my body works. My body is very sensitive to the environment, and frequently break out into hives over things I can control, I can even trigger it if I wanted to. He attentively listened to everything I said, look at the proof I have on my phone, would perform tests in office and educate me thoroughly on my conditions. I have cold urticaria, pressure urticaria, cholingeric urticaria, as well as dermatographism. So sadly my doctor had to move to a different state, and I had to get a new dermatologist. So, I walk into the new place and she introduces herself, and she is a PA, okay great. However, upon explaining to her what I had been diagnosed with and need help with, when asking questions, she could not help me. She couldn’t help me with educating because she had no clue what they were herself. The only thing she knew was the cold urticaria which she solely focused on and performed another test on me so she could see it herself. I had to inform and educate her on my conditions.
Okay, another example is I had to go to a psychiatrist, and the office referred me to a NP. Once again, okay great. I went in there explaining my issues and I would tell her basic things and I don’t know what she couldn’t comprehend. She couldn’t explain things, wouldn’t even explain my supposed diagnosis. Id ask her questions and she would beat around the bush. What really made me mad about this NP is how she acted with me when I tried to get her to give me a doctors note for accommodations for schooling. For one, she made me wait four months for it even though once a month I had to see her. I had to beg her up and down for it, and I gave her the requirements and everything. She gives me a paper finally, and it looks like I drafted it up myself so the school wouldn’t accept it. I told her that they wanted her license number at least because she wouldn’t even put it on a header. She flipped out on me, she refused to give me her license number and told me she wasn’t giving it, and if they wanted it that bad they can look it up themselves.
I go to a new gynecologist the other day, and what do they put me with, a NP. Well, I was going in there for valid concerns, and plus I needed a new once since my other one became a professor. However, I explained to her my past with medical stuff. TMI it was irregular periods. And I swear to god this woman, who should know all about this could not give me an explanation by saying that I’m just young, that’s all it is. Girl, it’s been about decade with a period, it should be regulated now when it was fine for years. Then when we were talking about me and autoimmune disorders (which is a whole other story), she once again had no clue. I ask her a couple more questions so I could educate myself, and her response is “yeah that is weird. I don’t know.”- girl, come on now.
Then, I was at the ED because I was having heart issues. My heart rate would go into the 170-180s and plummet, and they assigned me a NP who looked at me for one second, said I was fine, sent me home. My ekg results came out as abnormal, and on top of that I had to go to a cardiologist where I was diagnosed with a heart condition. On top of this, I was irritated at her because they had be in the waiting room for about 6 hours, brought me to a flex room that didn’t even have a bed, it was a chair, and I was sent out immediately. I had to wait a few more hours and eventually I said to my mother, I don’t feel good, I want to go home. So we go to the desk to discharge, and they are like “are you sure you want to leave, your doctor was just about to discharge you?” First of all no doctor came over to us, second of all the woman I seen for 1 second had come into the waiting room FULL of people announcing my test results and blood work.
All I’m asking is for someone who can explain things and know what they are doing. But once again, they don’t have the same training as doctors. Doctors had pre med, medical school, residency, attending, etc. and only a couple for the others.
This is my experience.
Also, I can also admit I’ve had some good NP that I’ve seen in urgent cares and such.