My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, do crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.

Hey everyone,
I've recently decided to buy a nice PC instead of a cheap car, and so my budget is right around $3500-$4000 CAD. I've spent a considerable amount of time picking these parts (I'm new to PCs), and I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be making any catastrophically dumb mistakes considering how much money I'm spending; for example, any potential bottlenecking issues or straight-up bad parts. It would also be useful to know for sure that all of this stuff will actually physically fit together and that airflow/cooling won't be a disaster. Ik it's maybe a bit overkill for now, but I just want to not have to worry about upgrading it for the foreseeable future.
Thanks to anyone who sees this and would like to help or give their general opinion!
Here's the PCPartPicker list (little things like the keyboard or case may have changed by the time you see this):
[PCPartPicker Part List](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/list/3fCQbL)
TypeItemPrice
:----:----:----
**CPU** [AMD Ryzen 9 7900X 4.7 GHz 12-Core Processor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/bwxRsY/amd-ryzen-9-7900x-47-ghz-12-core-processor-100-100000589wof) $508.98 @ Amazon Canada
**CPU Cooler** [Noctua NH-D15 82.5 CFM CPU Cooler](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4vzv6h/noctua-nh-d15-825-cfm-cpu-cooler-nh-d15) $109.95 @ Amazon Canada
**Motherboard** [Asus TUF GAMING B650-PLUS WIFI ATX AM5 Motherboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/Pz2WGX/asus-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi-atx-am5-motherboard-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi) $259.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Memory** [Corsair Vengeance 64 GB (2 x 32 GB) DDR5-5200 CL40 Memory](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/TJZ9TW/corsair-vengeance-64-gb-2-x-32-gb-ddr5-5200-cl40-memory-cmk64gx5m2b5200c40) $219.99 @ Amazon Canada
**Storage** [Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/f3cRsY/samsung-980-pro-2-tb-m2-2280-nvme-solid-state-drive-mz-v8p2t0bam) $289.05 @ Vuugo
**Video Card** [Asus TUF GAMING GeForce RTX 4080 SUPER 16 GB Video Card](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/kppQzy/asus-tuf-gaming-geforce-rtx-4080-super-16-gb-video-card-tuf-rtx4080s-16g-gaming) $1369.99 @ Memory Express
**Case** [Lian Li LANCOOL 216 ATX Mid Tower Case](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/KKytt6/lian-li-lancool-216-atx-mid-tower-case-lancool-216rx) $138.50 @ Vuugo
**Power Supply** [Corsair RM850e (2023) 850 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4ZRwrH/corsair-rm850e-2023-850-w-80-gold-certified-fully-modular-atx-power-supply-cp-9020263-na) $169.50 @ Vuugo
**Monitor** [MSI G272QPF E2 27.0" 2560 x 1440 180 Hz Monitor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/RktLrH/msi-g272qpf-e2-270-2560-x-1440-180-hz-monitor-g272qpf-e2) $300.99 @ PC-Canada
**Keyboard** [HP HyperX Alloy Origins Core RGB Wired Gaming Keyboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/YrqBD3/hp-hyperx-alloy-origins-core-rgb-wired-gaming-keyboard-hx-kb7rdx-us) $109.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Mouse** [Logitech G502 Hero Wired Optical Mouse](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/7RbwrH/logitech-g502-hero-wired-optical-mouse-910-005469) $69.98 @ Amazon Canada
*Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts*
**Total** **$3546.89**

You make pretty regrettable mistakes when you're desperate. Unfortunately, desperation would go on to cost me much more than I ever thought possible.
When I was 19 years old my financial situation wasn't great. In what was left of a crumbling home would be my recovering addict twin sister, and myself. The unfortunate state of our home was all from the even more unfortunate passing of our parents just five years prior. The two hadn't died tragically by any means, thankfully. No.. our parents died of old age, a consequence of having us kids later in life, while not being able to take on the financial burden that would be.. us.
My sister was making the early steps into the college lifestyle, doing her best to stay afloat with my support in funding. Money was tight for the two of us, but as she became more well off on her own, the more content she was with severing the last remaining tie to her childhood.. me.
I didn't hate Xel for her decision, if anything I understood her distancing from this life.. even if it saddened me. So then it was just me! Left to a house with a hole in the ceiling. Believe it or not, life wasn't all to bad even with how considerably down in the dumps it otherwise seemed to be.
However, content as I might have been, it's human nature to want more than you have. Can't say I was to greedy to look for some comfortability in my own home..
And so there it was! The glistening letters of ink outlining my salvation. An advertisement I'd found plastered onto the wall of the small booth I sat at while I waited for the bus to carry me off to work. "$5,000 to those compatible for a recent scientific breakthrough." Under any 'normal' circumstances I would consider this a scam. Hell, I was skeptical as I scanned the letters. Had I been told of this opportunity through spam call or text I would've glossed right over it just as anyone else would have.. but I was desperate.
I think it was the fact that someone, some real person had to have put this paper up on this wall gave me some glimmer of hope for a quick cash grab. Listed bellow the promise of money was details for a number to call regarding interest in the proposition.
I took the bait.. I saw the line, and like some idiot I clamped my teeth down just for that hook to sweep me away.
The corporation I'd come to know as, "The Arsaction," would see me just a week later. There was a brief consultation. They took my weight, age, all things I would've expected. It wasn't until they pulled records regarding my familial situation that I began to find this whole ordeal.. suspicious.
To 'begin' to find things suspicious only at this point is foolish, something I full understand, but I feel the need to reinforce the fact that I, Lex McKarthy, was desperate.
Everything by this point seemed pretty legit. The blood tests, the doctors office, the tests were.. reasonable. What was I to suspect? Everything was so vague, and truth be told I honestly didn't even expect anything to come of this visit. All the doctors, all the consultants seemed so disinterested in my features.. but when they realized I had no one, everything seemed to change.
Suddenly ears perked, suddenly doors closed, suddenly I was.. exactly what they were looking for. Every feature of myself was so painfully average. I was anyman, I was.. nothing. Despite their best efforts to be discreate, I knew it was only the fact that nobody would come looking for me that peaked their interests.
My stomach dropped when I was faced with a pen in my hand, trembling over that NDA. Every fiber of me cursed myself for never considering putting just a minute of research into 'The Arsaction,' however a video briefing would ease my nerves. Nobody knew who The Arsaction was. There was no public record of their existence, and that NDA would make sure that they continued to never exist.
I was stupid, I was irrational, I was in over my head! But I was desperate.. and I had nothing else.
"I have nothing else.. I have nothing else!"
It was a mantra I chanted as I was injected with that substance. The substance that turned my blood orange, made my skin freakishly thin.
And then I went home.
That was it. I was given my sum of money, and I was sent home. They told me I was, "good to go," and no number of questions would get a one of them to speak. I was only met with who I'd assume to be security guiding me out of the building.
Not a word more of what I'd just been injected with, only given instructions to not dwell on mirrors for too long. That was it, just some ominous instructions. So I left, as befuddled as I arrived. Relief washed over me as I made my way home. The anxiety I'd received from such an ominous buildup was all waved by the fact that I was somehow just.. good to go?
Relief quickly turned to panic as the inherent nature of it all being too good to be true set in. I expected to die, I expected some visit from government agents, I expected anything and everything, but as months turned to years.. Nothing ever came of it. No mirror ever caused me any harm, which was its own anxiety I'd have to overcome simply because of the absurd nature or such a request.
I hoped it was.. some prank. Everything was well... for a time. Until my sister called.
I just.. watched the phone ring. My sister, someone who I hadn't spoken to in upwards of 8 years was suddenly ringing me up. When I finally had answered, her question left me speechless.
"Hey Lex. would you happen to remember Mom's recipe for that egg toast? I think I left the cookbook at your place."
I felt my ears ring. The question was so.. casual. She entirely skipped the part where we discussed how she's been, how I'm doing. She spoke to me like we'd hung out only days ago.
At the time I'd thought I was just being dramatic, but looking back on it I can only justify my own hesitation to respond.
"W-..what?"
I stammered like a fool, but I was firm in my disbelief.
"Yeah, it should be in the book on the counter?"
I looked over my shoulder to my kitchen counter, past the toaster I never bought, and over to the book she spoke of. My jaw hung heavy, the whole interaction feeling like a dream.
With one hand I held the phone, and with the other I began to skim the pages of the book letting my eyes linger on mom's cinnamon roll recipe for a bit longer than intended.
"Lex.. are you ok?"
My sister inquired on the other end. I suddenly felt sick.. falling the the ground and laying on my back. This wasn't happening. It never did.
"Lex? Are you alright!?"
My sister repeated back more urgently, followed by her assurance that she would be over soon to check on him. But.. no company ever arrived. After hours the line just dropped, and I fell asleep there on that cold, wooden floor, paralyzed with a feeling I couldn't wrap my head around.
This never happened.
I never left.
I woke up in my bed in a cold sweat. I checked the time, greeted with a humble 4:37 in the morning. What troubled me was the fact that the date had been set back 7 years.
Of course it wasn't all so clear to me. After 7 long years I'd honestly forgotten about this day. This was the day that I'd set out for my graciously provided $5,000
7 years of my fucking life.. I would chalk it all up to that.. STUFF that they injected me with.. what was it? Phantom Drive? I could call it all some terrible drug trip, some construct defined by some insane psychedelic, but if that were the case, how was I here now? BEFORE I'd ever taken the drug?
This is a dream. I convinced myself I hadn't miraculously gone back in time, that 7 years of my life weren't a lie, but if that were the case, why was my blood still that damn orangy hue?
I'm losing sleep over this itch in my brain. It's like some taste of blood in my mouth has soured out the idea that letting my eyelids squeeze shut could further obscure my definite understanding of when I stood.
A day I remember so vividly at the ripe age of 14 years old, now 12 years ago, I awoke to the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls filling the air. All was right with the world, all as I climbed from the messy sheets in my dark room. It was abundantly clear that the bulb of the light beside my bed had burnt out over the course of the night, and the closed blinds didn't aid my vision as I stumbled around my room in search of my door.
An oddity presented itself in the fashion of aimless wondering. Where was the nob? One I'd become so accustomed to.. not needing to open? I'd never closed my door. Not the previous night, not ever. Not to the behest of my mother who'd always taken annoyance to closed doors, some trait of my grandmother's to which my mom had unfortunately inherited.
Breakfast took the form of two strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and slightly burnt French-Toast. My previous assumption of cinnamon rolls unfortunately missed the mark, however I wouldn't object to this. I wish I could convince myself that I was wrong. Something so mundane, something so insignificant to the events in this story, however the first notable instance of a curse that I couldn't pinpoint
My mother had already seen herself off to work by this point, and so I was faced with the responsibilities of seeing myself out to the bus. Some routine I'd become far too used to; The minutes passed, leaving me with nothing to do but wait by the door for a buss that would never arrive.
If the door being shut and the cinnamon rolls being a different meal entirely had left me with a minor confusion, then suddenly being seated in the passenger seat of my mother's car listening to the nonchalant complaints from my twin sister about the nuances freshmen year math shot me into a disarray I couldn't possibly quantify.
I think one of the scariest things for me is the fact that I thought nothing of it. I hadn't freaked out. No scene was made to express what should have been one of the more disturbing instances of my childhood.
I could chalk up the mistaking breakfast for something else as me just misremembering events.. But something unmistakable is the fact that somehow my mom both never drove me to school, yet the fact that she.. always had.
If you're confused, I understand. I am too, because the contradicting nature of my memory is something that haunts me to no end.
Things were easier as a child. That's often the case, but ever sense I stopped aging, I've begun to notice the oddities presented by life that are.. inexplainable. I'm not even sure where to start with researching my predicament. Hell, this is reddit! If I couldn't find an answer here, I doubt there is an answer to be found at all.
The Mandela Effect is something that I feel needs no introduction. To those who don't know, the Mandela Effect, in brief, is a phenomenon that incurs when you "misremember" something. Think of a card, now imagine you saw that card as a child and it had a single heart drawn on it's center. Now, years later you are discussing this card with someone else just for them to tell you that the heart you swear, the heart you KNOW you saw.. was a diamond. You tell them they are wrong, you shake your head, chuckle nervously.. But then they present you with the card.
Your stomach drops. This can't be the card, there is no way! Only it is the card, and when you come to the realization that it is in fact the card you'd seen as a child, you are filled with a mix of confusion, fascination, and quite possibly denial.
Most often, the Mandela Effect is associated with silly things like books titles, and board game mascots, but my experience is far beyond such things. It's the only phenomenon I've found that seems even within the realm of explaining my predicament. Problem is, the more I think, the more is wrong.
All of me wishes it all ended with that one childhood experience! But it didn't. In fact, the more I consider my childhood, the more contradictions I notice. Part of me believes I could handle this if it was limited to my childhood, but it's not. This.. experience... It effects my every day!
I'm not losing my mind, I'm just picking up crumbs that I never dropped. Not.. losing my mind, just finding more "mind" than the inventory should account for.

Hey everyone,
I've recently decided to buy a nice PC instead of a cheap car, and so my budget is right around $3500-$4000 CAD. I've spent a considerable amount of time picking these parts (I'm new to PCs), and I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be making any catastrophically dumb mistakes considering how much money I'm spending; for example, any potential bottlenecking issues or straight-up bad parts. It would also be useful to know for sure that all of this stuff will actually physically fit together and that airflow/cooling won't be a disaster. Ik it's maybe a bit overkill for now, but I just want to not have to worry about upgrading it for the foreseeable future.
Thanks to anyone who sees this and would like to help or give their general opinion!
Here's the PCPartPicker list (little things like the keyboard or case may have changed by the time you see this):
[PCPartPicker Part List](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/list/3fCQbL)
TypeItemPrice
:----:----:----
**CPU** [AMD Ryzen 9 7900X 4.7 GHz 12-Core Processor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/bwxRsY/amd-ryzen-9-7900x-47-ghz-12-core-processor-100-100000589wof) $508.98 @ Amazon Canada
**CPU Cooler** [Noctua NH-D15 82.5 CFM CPU Cooler](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4vzv6h/noctua-nh-d15-825-cfm-cpu-cooler-nh-d15) $109.95 @ Amazon Canada
**Motherboard** [Asus TUF GAMING B650-PLUS WIFI ATX AM5 Motherboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/Pz2WGX/asus-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi-atx-am5-motherboard-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi) $259.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Memory** [Corsair Vengeance 64 GB (2 x 32 GB) DDR5-5200 CL40 Memory](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/TJZ9TW/corsair-vengeance-64-gb-2-x-32-gb-ddr5-5200-cl40-memory-cmk64gx5m2b5200c40) $219.99 @ Amazon Canada
**Storage** [Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/f3cRsY/samsung-980-pro-2-tb-m2-2280-nvme-solid-state-drive-mz-v8p2t0bam) $289.05 @ Vuugo
**Video Card** [Asus TUF GAMING GeForce RTX 4080 SUPER 16 GB Video Card](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/kppQzy/asus-tuf-gaming-geforce-rtx-4080-super-16-gb-video-card-tuf-rtx4080s-16g-gaming) $1369.99 @ Memory Express
**Case** [Lian Li LANCOOL 216 ATX Mid Tower Case](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/KKytt6/lian-li-lancool-216-atx-mid-tower-case-lancool-216rx) $138.50 @ Vuugo
**Power Supply** [Corsair RM850e (2023) 850 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4ZRwrH/corsair-rm850e-2023-850-w-80-gold-certified-fully-modular-atx-power-supply-cp-9020263-na) $169.50 @ Vuugo
**Monitor** [MSI G272QPF E2 27.0" 2560 x 1440 180 Hz Monitor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/RktLrH/msi-g272qpf-e2-270-2560-x-1440-180-hz-monitor-g272qpf-e2) $300.99 @ PC-Canada
**Keyboard** [HP HyperX Alloy Origins Core RGB Wired Gaming Keyboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/YrqBD3/hp-hyperx-alloy-origins-core-rgb-wired-gaming-keyboard-hx-kb7rdx-us) $109.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Mouse** [Logitech G502 Hero Wired Optical Mouse](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/7RbwrH/logitech-g502-hero-wired-optical-mouse-910-005469) $69.98 @ Amazon Canada
*Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts*
**Total** **$3546.89**

Hey everyone,
I've recently decided to buy a nice PC instead of a cheap car, and so my budget is right around $3500-$4000 CAD. I've spent a considerable amount of time picking these parts (I'm new to PCs), and I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be making any catastrophically dumb mistakes considering how much money I'm spending; for example, any potential bottlenecking issues or straight-up bad parts. It would also be useful to know for sure that all of this stuff will actually physically fit together and that airflow/cooling won't be a disaster. Ik it's maybe a bit overkill for now, but I just want to not have to worry about upgrading it for the foreseeable future.
Thanks to anyone who sees this and would like to help or give their general opinion!
Here's the PCPartPicker list (little things like the keyboard or case may have changed by the time you see this):
[PCPartPicker Part List](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/list/3fCQbL)
TypeItemPrice
:----:----:----
**CPU** [AMD Ryzen 9 7900X 4.7 GHz 12-Core Processor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/bwxRsY/amd-ryzen-9-7900x-47-ghz-12-core-processor-100-100000589wof) $508.98 @ Amazon Canada
**CPU Cooler** [Noctua NH-D15 82.5 CFM CPU Cooler](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4vzv6h/noctua-nh-d15-825-cfm-cpu-cooler-nh-d15) $109.95 @ Amazon Canada
**Motherboard** [Asus TUF GAMING B650-PLUS WIFI ATX AM5 Motherboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/Pz2WGX/asus-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi-atx-am5-motherboard-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi) $259.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Memory** [Corsair Vengeance 64 GB (2 x 32 GB) DDR5-5200 CL40 Memory](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/TJZ9TW/corsair-vengeance-64-gb-2-x-32-gb-ddr5-5200-cl40-memory-cmk64gx5m2b5200c40) $219.99 @ Amazon Canada
**Storage** [Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/f3cRsY/samsung-980-pro-2-tb-m2-2280-nvme-solid-state-drive-mz-v8p2t0bam) $289.05 @ Vuugo
**Video Card** [Asus TUF GAMING GeForce RTX 4080 SUPER 16 GB Video Card](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/kppQzy/asus-tuf-gaming-geforce-rtx-4080-super-16-gb-video-card-tuf-rtx4080s-16g-gaming) $1369.99 @ Memory Express
**Case** [Lian Li LANCOOL 216 ATX Mid Tower Case](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/KKytt6/lian-li-lancool-216-atx-mid-tower-case-lancool-216rx) $138.50 @ Vuugo
**Power Supply** [Corsair RM850e (2023) 850 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4ZRwrH/corsair-rm850e-2023-850-w-80-gold-certified-fully-modular-atx-power-supply-cp-9020263-na) $169.50 @ Vuugo
**Monitor** [MSI G272QPF E2 27.0" 2560 x 1440 180 Hz Monitor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/RktLrH/msi-g272qpf-e2-270-2560-x-1440-180-hz-monitor-g272qpf-e2) $300.99 @ PC-Canada
**Keyboard** [HP HyperX Alloy Origins Core RGB Wired Gaming Keyboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/YrqBD3/hp-hyperx-alloy-origins-core-rgb-wired-gaming-keyboard-hx-kb7rdx-us) $109.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Mouse** [Logitech G502 Hero Wired Optical Mouse](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/7RbwrH/logitech-g502-hero-wired-optical-mouse-910-005469) $69.98 @ Amazon Canada
*Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts*
**Total** **$3546.89**

Hey everyone, I wanted to share my experience with the Matte Olive Green Car Vinyl Wrap. Let me tell you, if you're looking to give your vehicle a fresh new look, this wrap is the way to go.
First off, let's talk about the color. The Matte Olive Green Car Wrap offers a unique and stylish alternative to traditional car colors. The matte finish adds a touch of sophistication, while the olive green hue gives your ride a rugged and adventurous vibe.
But it's not just about looks; the quality of this wrap is top-notch. Made from high-quality vinyl materials, it's durable and built to last. Plus, it's resistant to fading, so you don't have to worry about it losing its vibrant color over time.
Installation was a breeze, too. Even for someone like me who's not exactly a pro at DIY projects, applying the Matte Olive Green Car Vinyl Wrap was surprisingly easy. With a bit of patience and a heat gun, I was able to achieve a smooth, bubble-free finish that looks like it was done by a professional.
Overall, I couldn't be happier with the Matte Olive Green Car Wrap. It's transformed my vehicle into a sleek and stylish ride that turns heads wherever I go. If you're looking to upgrade your ride's appearance, I highly recommend giving this wrap a try. Trust me, you won't be disappointed.

Hey everyone, I wanted to share my experience with the Gloss Black Carbon Fiber Car Wrap. Let me tell you, this wrap is a game-changer for any vehicle.
First off, let's talk about the color. The Gloss Black Carbon Fiber Car Wrap offers a sleek and sophisticated look that's hard to beat. The carbon fiber texture adds depth and dimension, giving your car a high-end, custom appearance that sets it apart from the rest.
But it's not just about looks; the quality of this wrap is top-notch. Made from premium vinyl materials, it's durable and built to last. I've had it on my car for months now, and it still looks as good as the day I got it. Plus, it's resistant to fading, so you don't have to worry about it losing its sleek finish over time.
Installation was a breeze, too. Even for someone like me who's not exactly a pro at DIY projects, applying the Gloss Black Carbon Fiber Car Wrap was surprisingly easy. With a bit of patience and a heat gun, I was able to achieve a smooth, bubble-free finish that looks like it was done by a professional.
Overall, I couldn't be happier with the Gloss Black Carbon Fiber Car Vinyl Wrap. It's transformed my vehicle into a sleek, head-turning machine that I'm proud to show off wherever I go. If you're looking to upgrade your ride's appearance, I highly recommend giving this wrap a try. Trust me, you won't be disappointed.

I took the Behind The Wheel test today at San Jose DMV and I think it’d be a good idea to share my experience step by step for those who’s still concerned about the test.
I arrived at the DMV around 20 minutes earlier than my appointment. It was around 3pm, but my local DMV got packed with people, I couldn’t find a parking spot so I had to spend like 15 minutes or so driving in circles to find a spot. It was chaotic. An advice I would definitely give to someone who’s going to the test soon is to park somewhere near DMV (a park or a shop) and walk there to get your paper done then walk back to get the car if you know your DMV is busy. It wouldn’t take much effort to do so and you wouldn’t have to be stressed out before the test worrying about parking lots.
At the receptionist I was asked to confirm my appointment (by name and/or phone number only, my DMV didn’t provide me with a confirmation code so I just showed up and told them my name). Then you will hand them your paper (in my case it was driver’s permit, the yellow slip and that was it). I brought my ID too just in case, but they didn’t ask for that. They would hand you your papers back with a grading paper for your examiner to grade all in a packet. I was instructed to place that packet on my dashboard and drive to the driveway where I’d meet up with my examiner.
After doing as instructed, I pulled up to the drive way and meet my examiner. The examiner was kind, he first asked for my name and my date of birth. Then after the passenger (who drive me to the DMV) leave the car, I was asked basic questions on how to run the car: the horn first, then signal control, windshield control, emergency light, emergency brake, defrost, hand signals. After that, I was told to turn on the car (IMPORTANT: NOT THE ENGINE) to check if my signal lights both in the front and the back were working properly. Then the examiner went into the passenger seat and the drive test began.
It was easier than I expected. I was told to drive out of DMV and enter the neighborhood first. The first part of the route was full of stop signs (it’s really important to check if it was 4 stop signs or 2 stop signs), I came to a complete stop and count 1,2 seconds before continue driving. Please act like you always check the surroundings! Every time the examiner gave out an instruction, I always responded: “Okay”, “Uhm hm”, “Got it”, etc. I don’t really know if it would help but it’s nice to communicate and let the examiner knows that you heard them right, it’s also less awkward because the atmosphere inside the car is real SILENCED if you ask. The rest of the route was downtown streets, my town’s downtown streets is pretty narrow and has a couple of one-way streets so I made sure to not speed up too fast and always look in the right direction of traffic when crossing or turning. I had to change lanes for 3 or 4 times, remember CHECKING MIRRORS AND BLIND SPOTS, SIGNALING, SPEEDING UP TO PASS, TURNING OFF SINGAL. I forgot to turn off my signal after changing, it was not a big mistake but it would be nice to avoid that. My test didn’t have the pull over and back up part, I guess it was because my test was right at rush hours and it was hard to find a spot that was good enough for back up. After around 15 minutes or so of driving (I really didn’t notice how long it took since I was too focused on how to drive right), we came back to DMV and I was told to park in any reserved spot. The examiner immediately told me I passed the test or not. I did pass and he also gave some recommendations on improving the driving skills.
Then I bring the papers that he gave back to me to the receptionist or whatever we’d call it (the same spot where I confirmed my appointment). At this point, if you’re really dissatisfied with your mug shot on the permit like I did, you can ask to retake the picture. Keep in mind that they would bring their manager over to talk to you. They would ask for a reason, so if you decide to do this prepare a good reason beforehand. I chose to say my appearance changed a lot (it was my falsies lashes to be honest) and I couldn’t recognize myself so I wanted a new pic. The manger was nice enough to say yes to my request and I was sent to the line for picture. This part took a LONG time, longer the my actual drive test. After forever, I went to see the receptionist once again and they gave me my Interim license, which was only a printed paper with your license ID on it if you ask me. And I didn’t have to pay for anything, which was a surprise cause I expected to pay. After all that, I was good to go.
I know this is getting so long but to sum it up, I think I would give some advices: 1. Arrive early and park elsewhere if DMV is busy. 2. Be nice to the examiner, DO NOT talk a lot to them, DO be responsive and respectful. 3. Prepare a reason if you want to retake the mug shot.
Note: You can use your interim license to purchase insurance or something like that, I did ask the receptionist so this is real.
In the end, just be confident and drive like you know what’s going on. Ima be real, if someone ever tell you the test is really hard, don’t trust them: DMV wants you to pass and they are not going to test what’s outside of the norm. I hope this is helpful and also I wish you a successful drive test!!!!!!!

Hey everyone,
I've recently decided to buy a nice PC instead of a cheap car, and so my budget is right around $3500-$4000 CAD. I've spent a considerable amount of time picking these parts (I'm new to PCs), and I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be making any catastrophically dumb mistakes considering how much money I'm spending; for example, any potential bottlenecking issues or straight-up bad parts. It would also be useful to know for sure that all of this stuff will actually physically fit together and that airflow/cooling won't be a disaster. Ik it's maybe a bit overkill for now, but I just want to not have to worry about upgrading it for the foreseeable future.
Thanks to anyone who sees this and would like to help or give their general opinion!
Here's the PCPartPicker list (little things like the keyboard or case may have changed by the time you see this):
[PCPartPicker Part List](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/list/3fCQbL)
TypeItemPrice
:----:----:----
**CPU** [AMD Ryzen 9 7900X 4.7 GHz 12-Core Processor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/bwxRsY/amd-ryzen-9-7900x-47-ghz-12-core-processor-100-100000589wof) $508.98 @ Amazon Canada
**CPU Cooler** [Noctua NH-D15 82.5 CFM CPU Cooler](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4vzv6h/noctua-nh-d15-825-cfm-cpu-cooler-nh-d15) $109.95 @ Amazon Canada
**Motherboard** [Asus TUF GAMING B650-PLUS WIFI ATX AM5 Motherboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/Pz2WGX/asus-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi-atx-am5-motherboard-tuf-gaming-b650-plus-wifi) $259.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Memory** [Corsair Vengeance 64 GB (2 x 32 GB) DDR5-5200 CL40 Memory](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/TJZ9TW/corsair-vengeance-64-gb-2-x-32-gb-ddr5-5200-cl40-memory-cmk64gx5m2b5200c40) $219.99 @ Amazon Canada
**Storage** [Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/f3cRsY/samsung-980-pro-2-tb-m2-2280-nvme-solid-state-drive-mz-v8p2t0bam) $289.05 @ Vuugo
**Video Card** [Asus TUF GAMING GeForce RTX 4080 SUPER 16 GB Video Card](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/kppQzy/asus-tuf-gaming-geforce-rtx-4080-super-16-gb-video-card-tuf-rtx4080s-16g-gaming) $1369.99 @ Memory Express
**Case** [Lian Li LANCOOL 216 ATX Mid Tower Case](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/KKytt6/lian-li-lancool-216-atx-mid-tower-case-lancool-216rx) $138.50 @ Vuugo
**Power Supply** [Corsair RM850e (2023) 850 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/4ZRwrH/corsair-rm850e-2023-850-w-80-gold-certified-fully-modular-atx-power-supply-cp-9020263-na) $169.50 @ Vuugo
**Monitor** [MSI G272QPF E2 27.0" 2560 x 1440 180 Hz Monitor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/RktLrH/msi-g272qpf-e2-270-2560-x-1440-180-hz-monitor-g272qpf-e2) $300.99 @ PC-Canada
**Keyboard** [HP HyperX Alloy Origins Core RGB Wired Gaming Keyboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/YrqBD3/hp-hyperx-alloy-origins-core-rgb-wired-gaming-keyboard-hx-kb7rdx-us) $109.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Mouse** [Logitech G502 Hero Wired Optical Mouse](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/7RbwrH/logitech-g502-hero-wired-optical-mouse-910-005469) $69.98 @ Amazon Canada
*Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts*
**Total** **$3546.89**

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF ABUSE, CHILD S*XUAL ABUSE, S*ICIDE
tl;dr: I'm trying to figure out if my husband could be a narcissist, or emotionally immature, or some mashup of both. Could someone explain this to me like I'm five?
(If this isn’t the right group, please point me in the right direction)
I tried my best to condense, but it’s a really long one. I’m sorry.
A breakdown of the pertinent info:

Me: F, mid-fifties, just returned to PT work outside of home Husband: M, mid-fifties, always worked a regular job, main wage earner Married: 30+ years w/adult kids (no longer at home)

For a while, I've thought my husband has definitely shown signs of narcissistic behavior. I won't list everything, but a few things are that he is definitely argumentative (over seemingly insignificant issues), jealous, needy for my attention and flies off the handle if he feels ignored, his only "love language" seems to be sex (and any lack of it means I don't love him), he loves the silent treatment which is always followed by a huge blowup and then love-bombing, he always one-ups me (he works harder, he feels worse, he is more tired, etc). There's more, but I'm trying to keep this short. I will say that he has never physically hurt me, but he has spent a lot of energy being emotionally abusive.
I would say that is his main thing; constantly saying how much I don't love him and how much I don't care about him if he feels the least little bit ignored or has to spend any time alone. My going back to work at a PT job has just turned that fire into an inferno because I've gone from a SAHM/SAHW to working PT, and sometimes just by necessity he is by himself (I want to say that, in the thirty years he has worked his job, I have been by myself more times than I can count because he has worked scheduled/unscheduled/spur-of-the-moment overtime, and I just rolled with it because, really, what other choice was there? Unemployment for the main breadwinner?). He absolutely cannot handle being alone, while I find being alone refreshing and rejuvenating. In fact, I'm the opposite; I'm like, "Do you love me? Then go away and leave me alone for a while!"
But here's where I have been doing some thinking. I know that many of you are going to say that there is no way, but I do believe he loves me. I've seen the man behind all that. And I do love him, despite all of the problems and issues, and I believe as much as he understands it, he loves me too. I am determined to work on this marriage. It occurred to me the other day, when he was mad and throwing a fit about something; I thought; "He's acting like a toddler who needs a snack and a nap." And so my mind started wandering along those lines for a bit.
You see, my husband has had a hard life. Both of us grew up in dysfunctional families with abusive parents. His father was definitely a narcissist, and physically abusive to his wife and at least to my husband (the GC sibling seems to have escaped most of it) and I've heard was sexually abusive to family members as well. He put his wife in the hospital more than once because of severe beatings. He threatened to drive off a bridge with the whole family in the car. He threatened all of them with a gun and a family friend had to come over and save them. He regularly beat my husband for the crime of not eating his vegetables at dinner. When my husband was 22, and I was pregnant, his father tried to hit him over the head with a huge wrench. (My husband is a strong man; that was a dumb idea.) There’s apparently a lot more my husband won’t talk about and/or doesn't remember.
But his mother wasn't an angel, either (let's be clear, SHE DID NOT DESERVE SPOUSAL ABUSE OF ANY KIND. NO PERSON DESERVES ABUSE. However, you can not deserve abuse and, at the same time, not be a nice person). She believed the world revolved around her, she was never wrong and the smartest person in the room, and my husband was expected to be at her beck and call whenever she wanted him for whatever reason. She abused him in her own way. Hurting people hurt people. When I came along, he was nineteen, and I treated him like an adult; that went over like a lead balloon because she treated him like a child.
Shortly after we got married and had our first child, she purposefully ceased to live, which threw my husband into a deep, deep depression for a few years. It was rough. I tried to get him to go to therapy, but he flat refused. We worked through it and eventually had another child, and he can finally talk about it now, thirty-some years later. But he rarely visits her grave, and I’ve never forced him to go if he doesn’t want to.
At very significant points in his emotional development, my husband had some major life crises happen:

He had to retake first grade because his mother was put in the hospital by his father's abuse; he shut down to the point he wouldn't do his homework and had to be held back (which is hard enough); he would have been around 7 years old He spent his childhood dealing with an abusive father and wondering if he was going to literally not be alive His parents finally divorced when he was around 14 years old After that, he and his mother and sibling were constantly financially insecure His mother purposefully ceased to live when he was twenty-three, after we had just had our first child He has told me that he doesn’t remember large chunks of his childhood (which I understand is a trauma response)

As he was being 'constructed', there was built a severely flawed frame structure around these emotionally damaged areas; the ability in his ‘frame’ to withstand a structural state of stress is severely defective. He never really learned how to regulate his emotions, how to work through them or deal with them in a healthy way. His mother never got him therapy for the abuse he had endured since birth; if anything, she compounded it (that’s a whole post in itself because, wait for it, she was a counselor). The only relationship he had modeled on a consistent basis was a dysfunctional, abusive, unhealthy one. (He did have maternal grandparents who were loving and kind, but they couldn't be there 24/7.) His aunts and uncles were all also in dysfunctional marriages/divorces, so no help or escape there. As a result, he has nothing to draw from when he feels stress, irritation, anger, sadness, irritation, loneliness; he struggles to even identify the differences between all of those emotions. He is extremely simplistic in his thought processes when it comes to emotions: He feels good/bad, energetic/tired, loved/unloved, happy/sad, full/starving; sometimes he’s capable of mildly annoyed if he's in a really good mood, but mostly his emotions are one extreme or the other (they do not change wildly; he picks one and usually sticks with it for a while).
If he feels stressed in one area of his life, then EVERY area of his life, in his mind, sucks. Very black/white. No grey at all. I’m not sure he knows grey exists. He thinks life should ALWAYS be a happy feeling, and if there is any bad/sad/stress/negative emotion, then that ruins it all and he can only concentrate on that, like a pebble in his shoe.
It’s like if someone gave each of us an oatmeal raisin cookie (mine has my allergens/intolerances removed):
Neither of us are big fans of raisins, but we both like oatmeal cookies. I will just eat around the raisins, or I will pick them out. If that is impossible, I’ll just eat the raisins, even though they aren’t my favorites, because I like oatmeal cookies and I try to look at the positive. “A minute ago I didn’t have a cookie, but now I do have a cookie, even though it has raisins that I don’t like, so life is pretty okay at this moment.” (I try to find something positive, even if it’s just a little thing, and focus on that.)
He will spend his time bitching that his cookie has raisins. He doesn’t like raisins. Don’t they know he doesn’t like raisins? How is he supposed to eat this cookie with raisins? And if I point out that he can make the best of it and just try to pick out the raisins, then he gets all upset. “But I should have got a cookie with no raisins. I shouldn’t have to pick out the raisins. Even if I pick them out, I can still taste them. Life sucks all the time.” (He finds something negative in everything, even if it’s a little thing, and builds it up to overshadow all the good things.)
So, I’m thinking that he has probably inherited some narcissistic tendencies from his father (and some not-so-pleasant stuff from his mother as well), and then he’s added emotional trauma to this, which makes me think emotional immaturity has been stirred into this particular pie (or cookie, if you will). Could this be so?
Here’s a very recent case in point. He works nights. I mostly work days, but my job is such that I sometimes need to be ‘on-call’, and so occasionally I need to go in at weird hours/times. It’s a great job and I love it, and it’s a perfect fit for me and my skill-set, but he’s having a hard time adjusting to me not always being around like I have been for most of our marriage. (Remember, to him not being around=not loving him.) He feels like he’s not the center of attention any more, even though I’ve tried to make up for it.
Due to circumstances beyond our control, we are temporarily sharing a car. We're making the best of it, but it’s a hassle and we are both tired of it (using public transportation is not an option in our rural area and neither of us have coworkers who live close to us). His shifts can be 8-12 hours, depending. Well, on certain days of the month, he works mandatory 12-hour shifts. They are always on specific days. I made work plans based on that schedule, which never changes. But yep, you guessed it…this past Saturday, it changed. He told me that I didn’t need to take him to work that night since he was only working 8 hours, and I was all, “What? No, I really need the car because I already told my boss I would work tonight because I know you always work 12 hours on this day.”
Just how I was supposed to know the schedule changed, I’m not sure, but he completely lost the plot. He started yelling at me while we were still home and it didn’t stop until I dropped him off at work an hour later. I just shut down. He covered every subject; I didn’t love him, I didn’t care about his feelings, nobody EVER cares about his feelings, I always leave him alone, I never have sex with him so that PROVES I don’t love him (I have sat him down and told him, repeatedly, about some physical issues I am having at the moment that really don’t make sex much fun for me which I am under a doctor’s care for, and I have reassured him that I love him very much and I want to have sex with him but I need to get these physical things under control; to his credit, he has never forced me to have sex), I work too much, I shouldn’t have taken the stupid job anyway (he is the one who told me I should probably get a PT job), I don’t get paid enough (I make the going rate for what I do), I don’t clean the house enough, the dishes need washed, I don’t feed him properly, I’ll probably spend all day Sunday running errands for my mother (who is eighty, a manipulative narcissist herself, has health issues, I’m an only child, I have had to step up and help her) and not be home with him, and why am I so upset, what am I starting to cry about now???
Then Sunday, Mother’s Day, he must have felt guilty because he helped me carry in groceries and was nice to me all day. Not in a love-bombing way, not over-the-top or weird, just nice. He’s been nice to me today as well. He did mention in passing that on these scheduled 12-hour shifts that the crew on the other shift always leaves extra work for him to do, and then denies it, and he knows he’s going in to a mess and a ton of extra work (he has a hard, physically demanding job), so that puts him in a bad mood. I don’t know if that was his round-about way of apologizing or what. Yes, he probably was stressed out about going in to a mess at work, and my taking the car didn’t help, and he didn’t handle the stress/anger in a healthy way (to put it mildly). We both could have communicated better about work schedules, but I was just basing my decision to work on his never-changing schedule. It was frustrating, but it wasn’t the end of the world, and it all worked out. His reaction was totally out of proportion to the event.
So is that narcissistic behavior or immature behavior? It’s like he gets mad, he blows up, he comes to himself, he apologizes/acts sorry, loves on me, treats me good, sloooowly builds up anger again, gets silent silenter silentest…blows up again and the whole thing starts over. Why is this still happening? Shouldn’t we be past this by now? It’s hard to explain, and I know some of you won’t understand (and nor should you, based on what you have been through, which is truly horrific, and I am so sorry), but it’s like he comes to himself and realizes how he is acting, but later the hurt and anger take over again. And the cyclic pattern in his life continues.
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about whether he might be more emotionally immature than narcissistic, or more narcissistic than emotionally immature, or some combo of both, and what I could do to help him and strategies to deal with it myself. NGL, it is really taking a toll on me emotionally. I feel like I have been run through the wringer every day. Some days I cry and cry (when I’m alone, never when he is here, he gets mad when I cry because he can’t handle negative emotions and he would never acknowledge he caused the negative emotion), some days I just shut down and sleep for 12 hours. I have a couple of mental health apps on my phone that I use.
We are at a time in our marriage when I feel like we should be enjoying ourselves (our adult children have moved out and we are a little more financially stable than we were the last time we had no kids at home), but it feels like everything is just falling apart. I feel like we shouldn’t be arguing about this same stuff after thirty-plus years, but here we are, still arguing about whether I love him or not.
Thank you for reading my long and boring post. Just typing it all out helped.

Many people believe that the European Union is a happy oasis where one can move freely without any limits.

But if we look at some new laws, we get a very different picture, describing instead an increasingly pervasive and systematic physical surveillance system ready to follow our every step within the European borders.
There are two main areas where the European Union operates this surveillance: air transport within the EU borders and the new Entry/Exit system, which mostly concerns those coming from outside the EU.
It all starts with the Passenger Name Record (PNR), the passenger code to which all data related to air travel and more are linked (including hotel and car rental information if applicable).
The PNR became a surveillance tool with the EU Directive 2016/681, which regulates the use of booking code data (PNR) for the purposes of prevention, detection, investigation, and prosecution of terrorist offenses and serious crimes.
This surveillance does not only apply to those already suspected but to anyone, as also stated by the legislator:
Such controls are developed through the analysis of the information that each passenger provides to air carriers when booking the flight. It is a particularly extensive set of data that allows for significant analysis activities, at the outcome of which individuals who are not necessarily already known to the authorities may be identified but, due to the characteristics of the journeys made, appear worthy of further investigation for terrorism and other serious forms of crime...
More on the topic here, if you want to know more. I write weekly about such topics in my newsletter. It's free to subscribe!

Hiii! I'd like to start off by saying that it's tragic that there are others that share my suffering of having unwanted dogs pushed on them but I'm glad I'm not alone in that. None of you deserve it and I really hope that your situations get better someday because living with shitty dogs you never wanted fucking sucks! I myself am currently coping with a situation surrounding my dad and two dogs that belong to our neighbours. Allegedly at least. In reality? Hmm... bit more complex than that - I don't know if I'm just being overdramatic, it is kind of jumbled and really long, but I'm just so tired of dealing with this and I want someone to hear it
For some context behind the living situation, I am unfortunately at a few months into 27 still living with my parents who rent a townhouse 🙁 It's my own fault really and I have a feeling the situation I'm in now may be fate's rendering of judgement on me for growing up into a failure. It's a really long story but the summary is that I was in a deep depression spiral for a bunch of reasons leading me to make sooo many poor financial and educational decisions starting around late elementary school to last year. About 2 years ago I finally started taking steps towards fixing my problems which included some soul searching within, but I think I've got another year or two yet before I'd consider myself comfortable enough financially to finally get out of here and away from this demented doggy day care more or less for good. For what it might be worth, while I don't pay rent I do help out with chores and pay for various things in general - I've fronted pet supplies and vet bills, gas, groceries, purchased furniture, kitchen tools, paid my mom's car insurance when she's been late on it because of my dad's drinking, paid for maintenance stuff such as some supplies to fix holes or damage that my dad puts in walls and doors, among other things like you know, random stuff that needs fixing haha. I want to think I'm not a *complete* parasite, but I totally understand if you still see me as one. Really, I get it. I promise you I'm trying and I will be useful one day. Until then though, 😔
My parents currently own 3 dogs and 2 cats so it's already pretty crowded here and to top it off I have a mild allergy to pet hair so the only time I ever have a clear nose is when I'm out of the house: a 10yr old schipperke named Kallie, a 4yr old golden retriever named Sundance, and some kind of mix that reminds me of a GSD mixed with a pitbull I guess that's like idk 2-3yrs old - her name is Suzuki and she's a rescue that my parents brought back after selling something to a Kijiji buyer. Dunno her breed exactly though. The cats are a black cat named Ninja that we've had since 2014 and a tabby stray named Loki that followed us home from a dumpster a few years ago so we decided to keep her. I love them both so much and Loki is especially dear to me and is actually closer to being my cat than my parents' cat - I am 100% taking her when I leave. They are relevant to this further down trust me.
For the record I don't have issues with Kallie and Sundance and actually do love them a lot despite the fact that I'm not actually the biggest fan of dogs - they're an exception, and I warmed up to Suzuki about a year ago though she has an issue which is relevant for the problem animals.
Several other dogs that weren't ours have been through this house in the past as my dad is well, soft-hearted and naive when it comes to specifically animals. Some of them have been problems. Some of them represent Problems. All of the extra dogs have been unilaterally his decision and any voice of disapproval ignites a conflict. Right now there are 2 other dogs on top of the family 3 and these two are the Big Problems™️ rn: the first one is a shitzuo (emphasis on the SHIT) named Keno or Kino or who fucking cares I'll just call him Keno. The other one is a mix of something that looks a little like Suzuki, but is white and might have a little chihuahua in him. His name is Benji. I'll start with Benji since I actually have sympathy for his owner and as much as I find him annoying he has some potential to be a decent dog one day if given the proper support, but that's not my problem as it's not my dog.
Benji is a younger doggo, about a year old. His owner is a single mom currently going through a bad divorce from what I hear which honestly is really unfortunate and I do hope her situation improves someday. He's kinda friendly most of the time, but his owner has still not gotten him fixed, which is an issue particularly because of how much time he spends in the same house as Suzuki, who my mom has not gotten fixed either despite my offers to pay for it and attempts to schedule it for her. I regularly stop Benji's attempts to mount her, but I know I won't be able to stop it forever and I'm terrified of the outcome. Every time I bring it up to my parents, I am either blown off with a half-thought response or (in the case of my dad) straight up yelled at and threatened as this dog is apparently just "playing" or "fighting for dominance." 🫠 I just don't want to have to exist next to a bunch of puppies that my parents are completely incapable of taking care of but there's nothing I can do about it. God, imagining the noise level and smell of the house makes me shiver. Aaaaaa. Benji is also an extremely pushy and jealous dog as he's still very young and isn't being trained adequately by either his owner or my dad - I cannot pet the family dogs without this little annoyance trying to worm his way in and interrupt. One positive I can think of is that he at least defers to me and folds over in submission the moment I express any kind of disapproval. Well, that and he isn't Keno.
Keno is.... a fucking NIGHTMARE that is driving me to insanity and I am devoting basically the rest of this rant to this untrained monstrosity and its neglectfully absent handlers. I have never, in my entire life, EVER, hated a dog more than this shaggy, aggressive, shrieking rat. It all started about six months ago when some neighbours who I've never met in my life got this stupid idiot dumbshit animal as a rescue. My mom let it come over once and I had one of those really bad gut feelings. My dad then suggested to them that he could keep an eye on it, as both of the owners work all day and don't get home until later while my dad is at home usually as he's on disability. From then on this curly-haired terror has been at our house almost 7 days a week, for at LEAST 12 hours a day. Let's see if I can describe just much I hate this animal without hitting a character limit.
The dog wasn't (and still isn't) yard trained or outside-trained in general. This dog is like 2 years old or something and every time I've brought it up my dad freaks out and says "that's not going to happen, that's just how he is! Get used to it!" My dad's solution is to cover our ENTIRE front entrance into the building hallway in piss pads. Yea, training pads. These are filled up multiple times a day - sometimes multiple times an HOUR ... you can imagine the amount of garbage this creates which my dad then complains about having to deal with (he's the ONLY reason this dog still comes here) - and yes, he throws the used piss pads in the KITCHEN TRASH, YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH FECES AND URINE ON THEM 🙃The dog regularly misses too and wastes all over the floor and wall! I rented a carpet cleaner for when I moved rooms and my mom decided to use it after to clean up the entrance way, hahaha, it was pissed up less than 2 hours later! The doors and walls around there are starting to be stained by dog piss and it gets worse when the pads get moved around for whatever reason. If you were to look closely, you may see tiny streaks from where the dog rushed to its mandatory shitting sessions. We used to have a bench beside the door for putting on shoes and stuff, and the closet was actually used for coats, hats, and things. Now the whole area has been devoted to this walking feces factory and on top of that the perpetually soiled pads sit in front of our downstairs bathroom as well. Suffice to say that I have not used that washroom in nearly six months and only make use of the upstairs one now. Petty? Maybe. Legend has it that some of my makeup is still in there.
As mentioned earlier, from what I've been told this dog is a rescue. It has behaviour problems. Crazy, I know. You'd be shocked to know that its owners are not experienced with handling rescues. It barks at many, oh many things. There is not a single multicellular organism in this city that this thing has not barked at. When it gets let outside, the very first thing it does is run to the end of the yard and shriek at the sky! And this thing is one of those dogs that has the projection of a large dog, but the bark of a small one. Yea, it's actually piercing, and if I'm in the same room as it my ears physically hurt when it barks and leaves my ears ringing. Definitely an effective deterrent, as I don't really leave my room anymore while it's here, so I guess I basically don't leave my room anymore except to go to work or cook... Of course this dog does more than bark though! It's actually fairly aggressive, too, because of course it is. You cannot discipline this dog, both because of the coddling my father does for it and the dog's own reaction to various techniques. Very growly and bares its teeth. I went to close the living room curtain once and the dog snapped at my hand, biting me. It has bitten me again one other time when I shooed it out of my new room that I was cleaning out (note: my dad yelled at me later because it's "Keno's relaxing spot" and I'm cruel to take that away from it, don't worry it hasn't been back in since) I'm not allowed to teach this dog in any way, as any genuine attempt from me (mainly out of desperation to make what time I have left in this house livable I don't actually want to teach this mutt, I want it gone) is swiftly shut down by my dad who says once again that the dog will never learn and that's just how it is. GREAT. GET RID OF THE FUCKING THING THEN IF ITS UNFIXABLE. Oh, it's your "duty" to ensure the dog doesn't get put down apparently, because that's what will 100% happen if the dog gets given up according to him. He's not a "killer" 🙄 mf hearing that is unbelievably infuriating this dog will have no fucking chance in the future if it doesn't get given up at least now it could potentially be taken care of by someone halfway decent at it. I've told him multiple times that him ENABLING these dipshit owners is just causing more problems for this awful animal further down the road. I hate the shit out of this thing and I'm still trying to think of its well-being. UGH.
God tho, words cannot describe how much of a trigger this dog's bark is. I hate it. I cannot stand it. It's an audible plague. It worms through earplugs, headphones, walls. I cannot get it out of my fucking mind. Even on the few days this dog isn't here, I can still hear it shrieking away a few doors down. It's barking as I type this part someone save me this dog allegedly was supposed to go home an hour ago. The latest this thing has stayed was until 11:30 PM. What the fuck.
Apparently the dog is fixed. However for some reason it repeatedly tries to mount Suzuki. It does not do that with the other dogs who are all fixed. Huh. Oh, it also likes to rub up against the only part of our couch with an arm rest and has claimed it as its territory - actually briefly fought with Benji over it two weeks ago. Mom said it was a serious incident but nothing came of it, as usual haha. Whatever, point is this dog is a problem in yet another way. I love being told off about not wanting this dog to rub its fucking ass up against my thigh while I'm trying to just sit on the couch for whatever reason at the time.
What makes my blood boil the most about the behaviour though is how this dog treats our cats and even the other neighbour's dog. It's a fucking menace, an actual danger. It chases and harasses our cats in some attempt to police them or something. If Loki jumps onto a high point that she regularly lounges at, he dashes at her and barks at her. If Ninja meows at the door to be put on a leash in the yard, he barks and chases him. This dog has lunged at our cats more than once. I'm scared that something is going to happen to them because those things happen way faster than one can stop them. I don't know if I could handle seeing that image in reality. I really don't think I could. I hope I don't have to and even writing about the possibility gives me anxiety and the fact that my dad jokes about how Keno "definitely came from a family where he was supposed to keep an eye on a cat" just brings me to my fucking limit as it is. I nearly had that sort of scare a couple months ago when Benji and Keno were scrapping in my dad's room. I saw that they were getting too aggressive, but my dad has made it umm, very clear that I am not allowed to police them on it. So yea, it happened super quick - Keno clamped down on Benji's throat and hurt him. While the little guy lived, he now has a semi-persistent cough and at the time I genuinely thought the dog was gonna cross the forever bridge as he was struggling to breathe for like 10min. What changed from this incident? Well, nothing! My dad blamed Benji. I feel really bad about the incident as there was a brief window where I could have stopped it, but my fear of causing an argument with my dad led to an animal getting hurt, even if it's one I'm not a huge fan of.
Where are the owners? Haha. At work apparently. As mentioned, the dog is here nearly 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, usually longer than that (7am to 7pm, but this dog has fucking arrived at like 6:10am before.) Weekends are supposed to be a reprieve from this demon, but every couple weekends it'll come over on those days too and sometimes for completely fucking random reasons! Aren't owners usually comfy leaving their dog at their house for two hours? Why the fuck are these people unable to do that? Why do my parents get no notice apparently? Why do my parents take this shit? I am not allowed to voice disapproval towards this dog or the situation of any kind - my dad immediately launches into a tirade more colourful than a pastel palette if I even slightly remind him that I hate this fucking thing. My mom shuts me down - "That's enough.", "Don't", "I don't want your dad to get angry" the last time this happened my dad insisted that either I "love all of them or abuse all of them, no pick and choosing" he then drank himself silly and forgot about it. Why did that happen? I came in the door and pet our dogs plus Benji because he was actually behaving pretty well for once!
Yea the owners are so shitty. Benji's owner has told my mom (who then relayed it to me) about how they find it funny and cute that their awful dog pisses all over our walls and barks teehee 😊 at least Benji's owner tries and walks our schipperke at night sometimes. Keno's diabolical yet incompetent owners very clearly know they have a golden goose in the form of my father who is only spineless when it comes to dogs. He has sadly attached himself to this stupid mutt, and I'm worried that I'm going to have to deal with it for as long as I associate with my parents, at least until it passes. In fact, my dad has straight up said that he considers this dog his own, and part of the family. Many times he has mentioned that poor Keno's "REAL FAMILY" is here in our house. Keno's owners apparently pay my dad $100 a month sometimes for the privilege of letting it ruin this house for a minimum of 60 hours a week. Damn they got a good deal. The owners have other issues too, but basically I just can't believe that this is the hill my dad (and by extension my mom as she's been stockholm'd by my dad) is willing to die on. I can't believe this fucking dog has so much sway in things here. I can't believe my dad constantly praises and gives it love while in the same breath detailling very specifically how much joy I suck away from his life and how much of a regret of his I am. How do I stop being worth less to him than this dog? Before this thing, it was a neighbour's chihuahua named Oreo that also pissed all over the place and yapped. Despite the fact that I'd sometimes exit the shower and have to step over dog shit, I'd much rather have that yappy dog back then keep dealing with this hellspawn. At least back then my father pretended to care about me. I wish this thing would just fucking leave. I wish my mom would actually put her foot down like she says she is. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of being told about how I'm supposed to just LIKE this shitty dog and how my open dislike of it is animal abuse or some shit that's like actually untrue (what the fuck.) I do my best to just ignore it as much as I can but this dog has driven me to crying fits more than once because it Just. Doesn't. Stop. The reminders are everywhere. It's sunken its teeth into every fucking aspect of life here and I am so miserable. If I could afford it I would move out yesterday. I want out so badly but can only bide my time while bitching like some drama queen because I was an idiot
Wow, this has ballooned way beyond how long I thought it'd be. Oops. Hey, even if you don't read it, it felt pretty good to type.
tldr: THESE 2 DOGS ARE SHIT BUT ONE IS SHITTIER AND THE WORST

When I was about 17 my parents were telling me that it was time for me to drive because I was gonna need to become independent. Well a bit after that my dad finally took me out to go on a driving lesson but he kept screaming at me and I almost crashed the car 😭. After that I became very reluctant to drive and just didn’t want to any more and I even told my parents I’d rather take the bus than drive but they told me no I gotta push through. So then my dad took me on another drive but he got just as frustrated and didn’t wanna take me anymore. So time goes by and I’m somewhat peaceful but mom decided that she was gonna teach me how to drive. So with her I learned how to drive because she was calm with me and she gave me motivation to drive even though I always had anxiety driving. Once I turned 18 my mom wanted me to take my drivers test and I didn’t want to cause I was scared that I was gonna fail. A little bit after arguing she convinced me and I made an appointment to do the driving test. I was extremely nervous that day and was just shaking but the driving instructor was extremely patient and he was also kinda funny so I drove better than I thought. I actually passed my test and got my driver’s license even though I thought I was gonna fail. Now I’ve had my license for a year and I drive pretty much anywhere. There are some times I do get anxiety but I just try to ignore it :)

Family background: Me(25)F, little sister Janet(16), dad(49), and mom (48). My whole family lives together and I pay rent and buy groceries for the house every month. Let me start this by saying I love my mom, but honestly that’s what makes everything so difficult. It’d be easier to ignore her if I didn’t. Ever since I was young my mom’s had issues with depression and anxiety. Ever since I was little every time she was going through something she’d just call me in and hug me. She said it felt like her heart was filling up. Which honestly made me feel good that I could help her. It was scary seeing her like that when I was such a little girl. But as time progressed it slowly changed from hugs to her talking to me about her issues or complaints about other people. At some point she began to complain to me about my dad. Being a 12 year old girl who was close to her dad, I didn’t feel comfortable with her telling me this stuff. I tried to defend my dad and she would just complain even more. At one point I told my dad about it and asked if they were OK. My dad just told me that they were fine and I shouldn’t worry about what my mom says he would tell me she was just venting. After that any time my mom tried to complain to me about my dad or the pta or work stuff I just kinda tuned it out, because she’d get upset if I’d talk about it or try and defend anyone she was against. But recently she said something that I was just not ok with. I was driving her up to my sister’s school for an event and while driving up there she just said that both my sister and I are f*cking disappointments. I wanted to stop the car and look at her but we were on the highway. I was about to freak out on her but then she continued talking about how recently she’s become more proud of me because I got an interview at a place that’ll help me advance and get more stability. But apparently my Janet is still a disappointment and a little sh!t. Now I won’t lie my little sister could be a sh!t sometimes but she was a good sh!t. And what bothered me the most about this wasn’t her calling us disappointments, it was the fact that she said it right to my face as if she was talking to someone else. She expected me to sit there and not be upset like I usually do when she talks to me like that. I just couldn’t deal with it so I dropped her off and went to work at the grocery store. While I was at work I kept thinking about whether I should tell my dad or not. But then I thought back to my sister. My sister is a full mommy’s baby while I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. I realized that if she found out about this it would really hurt her so unsure of what to do I called my dad and told him what happened. He listened all the way through about how I told him I was done being my mom’s therapist. He told me it was okay and that he would handle it when he got home from work and then he made sure to tell me before he hung up that I’ve never been a disappointment. It felt really good to hear that and I began to cry a bit after that happened but I got back to work and as I began to work I realized I had my interview for my job in a few days and I didn’t need all this chaos right before it. I got home before my dad and when I got home my mom was just sitting down reading her book as if nothing had happened. That’s because to her nothing happened, what happened in the car was just her ‘venting’. A word she’s used in the past when I brought up my discomfort about her let’s just call them sessions at this point. She went to bed before my dad got home and when he did I told him that I wanted to go through with my interview first before I deal with mom. But I’m worried that if I wait it might just be left on the back burner and eventually be swept under the rug. That’s normally how problems get dealt with here. So I’m just not sure what to do. What do y’all think?

Nothing special, feel free to leave feedback.

A year before I left Boston, we went for dinner one night. It was after ultimate frisbee, and Boloco was the only place open. We were still riding high from the last time, when we'd gotten everyone to swim across the Charles. Some kids from MIT had been eating grapes as they walked across the bridge, and I'd convinced them to throw some to me to try to catch in my mouth. They missed a few times before throwing down the ziplock bag, and I was able to throw one to you, which you caught.
So this time, I'd joked we should climb the fence to the reservoir and see if we could eat burritos on our backs as we swam across, like otters. You liked something I'd said, so instead of rushing it with Boloco, we wandered the grocery aisles to savor the planning. In the end, you'd proposed making a little boat by turning the frisbee upside down and duct taping two water bottles beneath as pontoons. "We could make smores," you said leaning toward me. We bought a tiki torch that we sat in the middle and then piled the rest of the frisbee with marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate squares from Hershey bars. Before we left, you ran back to your car to get a sharpie. You wrote "S.S. More" on the side of one water bottle. I posed for a photo.
The platter was awkward, and we dropped a couple pieces of chocolate in the woods. But we got through the fence easily. We broke sticks for our marshmallows and you lit the torch with a lighter from your car. I remember there were these little fish that would nibble at our toes in the shallows. It was unpleasant, but it didn't quite hurt, more ticklish. I was a more confident swimmer, so I pulled the jump rope, swimming on my back, the other hand balancing my marshmallow over the carcinogenic flame.
At some point out on the water, the wind picked up and blew out the torch. We treaded water several minutes as you tried to get the lighter, wet from where you'd stuffed it into your underwear, to work. At the other side of the reservoir, we stood and those little fish nibbled at us, and you shook out the lighter hard, and lit the torch. We ate as much as we pleased, laughing the whole way back. You took a turn with the jump rope.
That summer we drove up and stayed at the cabin your great uncle owned in Maine. The cabin itself was a converted boat, where your uncle, a local politician from Florida, spent his summers with his obese wife. They were the legal guardians of your cousin, whose father disappeared again after relapsing. It was early autumn, and you'd said it was too cold to swim. But we'd go down and jump in the water with your aunt and uncle, who were convinced the cold was soothing to your aunt's gout. I taught the little boy to skip rocks, but I got him in trouble by talking in character as Scarlet O'Hara during a game of Clue, which he wouldn't stop imitating for the rest of the afternoon. His grandfather sent him outside until he stopped. When you and I went to look for him, he was trying to split logs with an axe in his flip flops. We told him not to do that because he could lose his toes, and I told him that voices were only funny for a short time.
You and I didn't sleep in the old boat cabin, which was expectedly small. Instead, we slept in an L in a 12'x12' shed with a light bulb, which hung on an extension cord from a truss. We talked until 3am or 4am, about everything, work, girls, childhood, and the things that we'd done that had finally dragged us into sobriety.
The next morning, I'd said I wanted to see if I could swim across Lewis Cove and back. As soon as I said it, you were in. You were so lean from running all the time, and before we even got past the boats and the lobster traps, you were struggling from the cold. I'd suggested going back or even climbing out on one of the docks holding traps, but you refused. In the middle, you were worried about making it across at all. I figured I could carry you, but without a float, I didn't think I could carry you very far. When we finally got to where we could stand, you got out and tried to warm up. I stayed in the water, swimming back out a little because for some reason I thought a lobster might pinch me. Eventually, I realized how violently you were shivering. So I got out too, and we decided to go find the road and try to hitchhike back.
It turned out to be one of the islands scattered along the coast of Maine. Luckily, the restaurant, the only thing on the island, hadn't yet closed for the year. The staff, who lived on the island in warm months, were shocked to see us on their day off. You asked if they were planning to take their boat across the water anytime soon. "If you're already making the trip, maybe we could carpool?" you suggested. Two of them gave us a lift in a little boat, making thinly veiled comments about the stupidity of summer people most of the way.
The next day, you slept for hours with a fever. Your aunt was angry that I'd been a bad influence. I went back out and tried to complete the round trip swim. I did it carefully, keeping my head out of the water most of the time and swimming a modified breaststroke. I thought maybe a fast pace would help keep my body temperature up. On the other side, I kicked off the rocks and swam back, and it was cold, but I was fine. Back at the cabin, you were awake and gave me a hug when I came in. We looked up the swimming route on your phone and saw that it was indeed an island, a mile and change round trip. That night we bought a few lobsters from some place along the road, which your uncle boiled in seawater.
A few weeks later, you'd tried to set me up with a girl you knew. You showed me a photo of her, a knockout blonde from Florida. You said you'd been telling her all about me and had sent her my website, and that she wanted to visit Boston and meet me. You told me what a good person she was. "She does little things you'd do, like whenever she has spare change, she goes and puts it in the coin return of vending machines so that it'll make someone's day." I asked why you weren't dating her, but you brushed me off. We started arguing somehow at Bukowski's, some comment I'd made because you'd said she routinely got favors from an infatuated ex. I'd told you it sounded like trouble, and that remembering that beauty is fleeting was why I hadn't slept my way through the ultimate frisbee club yet. We ended up finishing our White Trash Cheese Steaks in silence.
I left Boston with some girl the following summer. It fizzled in weeks, but it was years later that I realized how much you loved me. My ex-wife had been organizing photos, and had come across the picture you took of me holding the frisbee boat. She was always jealous of other women, and she asked who I was smiling at in the photo. "He was my friend."

Hi everyone (Looking at you, Porsche mains)
I am asking this, as a sort of experiment. To see how you all like to drive the car and if there are similarities. Do you prefer a harder rear suspension as opposed to the front? Or do you prefer a harder front and a softer rear, similiar to an f1 car? Do you perhaps prefer and all round soft, hard or somewhat neutral car?
This all comes from me trying different settings on the car, and getting very different results in behavior (naturally, I suppose). I have noticed that in general, setups pull the rear bumptstops on this car right down to the lower values, but, the preset setups have it all the way up(obviously to allow the car to roll more on its rear axle) this is what made me wonder, how do people usually drive this car? How do they prefer the balance on the car.
Before you start smashing your phone or keyboard saying "it's track dependant!" I know that. BUT, I want to try and find out if drivers prefer theur platform in a similiar way on all or most tracks, and do tweaks to it depending on the track. For example: you prefer a harder rear end, and you use this on all your setups, but allow slightly more or less roll (softening of the rear) depending on the track, but still keeping the car stiffer in the rear than the front and so on so forth.
911 (1) and 992 drivers and everyone else with different cars, please feel free to comment aswell! Perhaps you will find good information for your car that may not know.
Disclaimer: I am not wanting you to send your setups or give me a setup, I just want to know what are your baseline properties for this car. So, when you go to a track, what are the first things in the setup you typically change and tweak from there on out. Because, like many of the cars I suppose, she behaves very differently depending on your setup.
Have a great day everyone👌

So, since I grew up the way in which I did, I wasn’t completely socialized. Compared to some kids in my class, I was very social, but I digress.
As I aged, I found myself being more of an observer than a participant. Participating didn’t always work out for me because when I tried, I always screwed something up. I didn’t get the jokes, I couldn’t tell who was being serious (that definitely would have helped me as a young kid and teenager). It wasn’t until I met my spouse that I learned dry humor, and how to recognize it.
Being in the position of an observer has afforded me a lot of room for thought. Like, there was the time in college where my roommates and I were hosting a party. This giant of college kid was mad at his girlfriend - he was drunk and screaming at her (I think some other dude said hi to her).
The man had her pinned up against a wall, one hand on the wall to the left of her head, the other punching the wall to the right of her head.
I was yelling at him to back off, and I was going to insert myself in between them because, as a kid, that’s what I had needed but no one did it for me.
It would have been stupid but the guy made me furious. My boyfriend pulled me away and held me and said, “Wait until he calms down and kick him from the party.” Hey, it was the 1990’s, and I was young. He was young. He ended up being right.
I thought about that girl a lot - wondered if she ever dumped her brute of a boyfriend, or did she stay with him? Never found out.
Decades later, I was put in an untenable position where a family member was about to up end their life over some woman - they were going to abandon their kids, their family, all of it.
I managed to get through that, but after all is said and done, and I look at the facts like they are playing cards laying on a green velvet-covered table, I saw how the woman brainwashed him.
1) she kept him from sleeping more than five hours a night;
2) she made up situations to where he was the only one who could solve it for her, such as she pretended like an old boyfriend was chasing her in a car and she needed my family member to keep her safe;
3) she isolated him from his kids;
4) she tried to get him to sign for her to get a new car, and she promised she’d pay for it but she couldn’t buy it unless he signed for it. (Fortunately, he didn’t).
5) she told him what to think. If he tried to think for himself, she wouldn’t leave him alone until he agreed with her. His family were the bad guys. He needed to see that.
5) finally, he was to replace his own kids with hers. He was expected to accept this new family in lieu of everyone he knew and used to love.
It’s a tall ask, you know. And yet, every year, you’ll hear or learn of someone who did go down that road and never came back. Or, they came back but there was no back to go back to.
My job, in dealing with this family member, was to pick up the pieces and deprogram them gently.
You think to yourself: “this wouldn’t happen to me because I’m way too smart. I make educated decisions.” But, near as I can tell, smart has nothing to do with it.
Brainwashing works on how open the subject is to modifying the way they think, and their need to be accepted in their new group. I guess it’s like training a dog: good stimulus equals a reward, bad behavior earns a punishment, either physical or mental (or both).
The subject must also think that their previous way of thinking was sub-par. They must have a low opinion of their intelligence.
Of course, a lot of you guys and gals may already know how it works, or heard about it on a documentary.
It’s different to have a front row seat to it, though. Really surreal.
Right now, I have a family member that I am not close to, he is being manipulated hard by his current girlfriend. I see all the signs of what she is doing, it ain’t my first rodeo.
I tell his daughter, “I will do what I can to help, but I can’t talk to him. He doesn’t like me. The only way he can be saved is you and your brother get together and see if you can get some physical distance to happen between this woman and your dad.”
So far - everything we’ve predicted has come true: she’s bled him dry, financially. He went from having a nest egg to selling off all his assets. He has signed on to buy property and vehicles with her. She made him lose his job.
What’s next? His daughter cares for him, but he wasn’t a model dad by a long shot.
So I don’t know what to do there.
And just recently, another family member washed up on my shores. This one is young.
The brainwashing in this case is mental and physical abuse.
In this case, I created a team of three people to work together to help this person see who they are really with.
My job is to create a safe zone for them. Another’s job is to be there and be the person all the secrets are told to. And the last person is supposed to be the persuader, the person who helps this family member stick to plans, to say what is expected without being pushy or negative, so that they don’t go back to the old life.
One of the people on the team said to me, “How are we all talking about this so calmly?” The subject of the conversation was sitting right there in the room. I said, “I know, it’s surreal. But this is how we have to do it. We are going to solve this.”
Delicately stepping, delicately stepping.
I think to myself, had I washed up on my mother’s shores with a problem like this, she would have kicked me back out and said, “Figure it out for yourself, I’m not going to help you. It’s your problem.”
I always knew I was on my own, and I can’t say I didn’t screw things up royally from time to time.
But, also, I know that had I had help, maybe things could have been better for me later. I’ll never know. I still don’t know the answer.
I choose to help. I choose to take my emotional side and shove it in the back, and then find out the chinks in the opponent’s armor.
He may have a lot going for him, but it is not my family member’s job to fix him, to make him a better person. He could be the most brilliant person in the world - but you can’t save some people from themselves. He is harmful, and nightmarish.
Battered person syndrome. It’s another form of brainwashing, where the woman/man doesn’t think they should leave, because there are all these good things about the partner that, if they could just change, would make them the perfect life partner.
I’m beginning to think it doesn’t matter if it is drugs, or being beaten and having Stockholm Syndrome - it’s all a form of brainwashing.
I’m lucky enough to have a good team to work with me.
I was thinking today, as I was still coughing and getting over this horrible sickness I’ve had for three weeks: I’m tired. I don’t want to deal with nonsense but I will because that’s what family does.
We are blessed, no matter what. I’m feeling lucky. I’m glad I’m here for it.
I know my mom would have handled it differently (she had to go through it herself). But, I don’t think life should be so fucking hard. If we work together we can do a job better. No one should have to go through these things alone.
You lift up the next generation so they can climb the mountain a little more. I just want people to get further than I did.

So we've been dating for 11.5 months, in which time we moved in together, met our friends and family, had trips, explored shard interests, and generally had a great time.
In that time, we've had 2-3 bigger fights, but even so they were not that bad: She had a small outburst in public while shopping and I raised my voice when we got back home; I made a joke in public which she was not comfortable with; she said that she was on the fence about having kids mid relationship, but it turned out that was because she is having trouble making longterm plans.
The rest of the time, since we first started talking, we've never spent a day not talking to each other via text or in person, and we never got tiered of it. We both do stuff for eachother: she cooks for us, sometimes I help; I've become tidier and help around the house sometimes (she has a thing for cleaning, but she toned it down); we say and show how much me mean for each other; we keep finding new activities to enjoy together; the sex is the best we've ever had, and getting better; etc.
So what the hell happened?
I was working from home, focused on work (I'm not a workaholic, quite the opposite). After finishing her remote work, she said she's going in the kitchen to put some chips in the oven and make some salads and I said ok and thanks.
Then time passed and she came upset at me, asking rhetorically if I couldn't smell the burnt food. I noticed it then and told her - I guess I got focused on my work, my sense of smell is pretty poor and put it out of my mind, thinking she would handle it. She said she went into the other room to talk to her mother and heard the timer go off (again, something I didn't hear and in all fairness, can barely be heard) but didn't do anything - I gathered she was expecting me to realize and handle it.
I need to mention that at no point did we raise our voice to echother.
I told her that it's ok and soon I'll finish work and help her with the cooking. She was still upset and asked angrily would I still do nothing if the house caught fire. I told her calmly that it wasn't the case. She then controlled herself and walked away, said she no longer feels like cooking, left the salads half done on the kitchen and, when I asked why she was getting dressed, said she went outside for shopping (which she did).
I let her go, figuring it was the best thing to do in the moment. Then, finished my work and called her after to ask what exactly she was planning to cook, so I can do it by the time she gets back. She told me and I told her I'll wait for her at home when she's ready to come back.
I made the food, she got back, I came at the door to welcome her, but she was barely acknowledging my presence and was interacting with the cat.
I let it go and asked if she wants to eat, and she said yes. She made some small talk about the cat, still being very cold, and I asked if she wanted to talk about what happened. She says she doesn't feel that we need to. I said that there is a little need, and she said she doesn't feel like it.
As you can imagine, I was pretty upset by this point, enough that it was starting to show. She proceeded to make small talk again, but I told her calmly that I wasn't interested. After finishing food, I told her I'll be going to the other room to rest and that she's welcome to join me (implied: if she wants to talk about it), but that it's fine if she doesn't (implied: if she needs more time).
Until the end of the day she never came to me and I told her I'll be going to bed, if she still doesn't feel like talking. She said ok and we slept separately.
This morning before going to the office, I asked again if she would like to talk. She said ok, and still coldly, basically the same things she already said, plus that she feels like she isn't heard and doesn't know if she wants to continue pursuing the relationship - my heart sinks.
I tell her that I'm not upset because she got angry (we had a few moments where she would have a quick burst of anger, but we were making progress), but that she was shutting me out instead of talking to me about it, like we usually do (she had trouble opening up in past relationships, and with me it was easier, but not all the time). She said that yesterday I was treating her like a child (???) and that it's best if we continue sleeping separately for a few days so she can rest better (she has some anxiety when sleeping and even slight noises can wake her up), though that's probably not the reason. At one point I asked her what she thought about yesterday while being alone, and she said that she was jealous of a neighbour that has a car and she has to commute (neither of us has a driver's licence, it's harder to get where we live, and we were planning on starting driving school together in roughly a month, after she got used to her new job). When I asked why she didn't use that time to think about our situation, she said that the world doesn't revolve around me.... She also said that she feels the relationship is too much work. I kept asking her what she means, but she just kept saying "i don't know".
Before she left, I told her that we've been happy for a long time, she told me how happy she was with me just the other day and love doesn't disappear in a single day, and that I love her. She said ok. I asked if she could say the same thing, and she said that she agrees that love doesn't disappear in a single day. I asked if she'd like us to at least hug, and she said she wouldn't like it but she'll do it if I need it. I said in that case I don't want it.
Then I changed my mind and told her I'll hug her anyway, before doing so. We cried a little, but she just said bye and left.
That's the long of it. I don't know if it's the external pressure, something I did or didn't do, anxiety because of the future, those damned burnt chips, etc.
She's not a bad person: she's usually very caring and very vocal about how happy she is and how much she appreciates me. She's also smart and tries to work on herself. She's one of only 2 girlfriends I've ever said "I love you" to, and the first one was my first love, ~15 years ago. I'm the first guy she ever moved in with because she wanted to and the first one she ever loved. We're also the envy of other couples with how good we are foto each other.
We both went to therapy in the past - myself in the past, for a few years, which helped, and herself for a few months at the middle of our relationship, which she said helped as well, but not as much as it could have.
We already know we want to marry each other (at least we did) and if we break up, I don't think we can find someone better for us.
TL;DR: We've been like soulmates for the past year but she suddenly got extremely upset/cold and says the rlationship might not be worth it.
I'm lost and heartbroken and I don't know what to do. It all just seems like a cruel joke. I don't understand what happened and I just want us to be happy - what should I do?

She said she wanted to go home. She said I didn't care about her unless she was leaving. I was just trying to understand what was going on. She said she was going home. I accepted that she didn't want to stay with me then but it was raining outside. "Can I at least give you a ride? It's raining and cold."
Her answer? "Oh, so you want me to beg for a ride?"
What??? I just offered her a ride.
"If you really wanted to give me a ride, you would have said 'I am giving you a ride home, let's go.' Not made me ask for it."
Look, at this point, I'm just confused. I did drive her home, and she left my car without saying goodbye. I gave her the space she needed and cried on the way home.
But no. She said I was codependent. She said it wasn't good that I was sad just because of her emotions. So, ok, I decided to take her advice. I went to the event we were planning on going on with friends to distract for a few hours. Before I left, she texts me.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh sorry I was getting ready to go to the thing."
"Oh. Fun! I can't wait for the next time you feel like shit and I can go out and have fun."
"Sick. Thanks for that."
"💋"
And then she blocked me everywhere.
I distracted myself. Then I got home and I cried. And I screamed. And I hit my head against the wall and yelled I GIVE UP I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO GIVE. Just that day we had gone through a workbook and discussed what our greatest fears were from each other. Mine were sarcasm and suddenly leaving. She had done both and she didn't give a damn. She actively chose to hurt me. And if it were me 2.5 years ago, maybe I would have had the emotional control to hold it in, to deal with things. But I didn't. I am a shell of who I once was. And I never have the power to consider leaving unless I am fully drained and feel like I can't breathe, I can't stand, I can't live.
So I packed all of her things up. I dumped boxes into my car and I drove to her house. I wanted to talk.
I knocked on her door. She opened it.
"What are you doing here?"
"You won. I don't know what you were trying to win, but whatever it was, you won."
She just stared at me.
I waited for her to say something. Nothing. Then, finally...
"What do you want?"
There was no chance of conversation. No "I'm sorry for using the things you fear most because I knew they would dig in and hurt." No. Just a what do you want? What do I want? To not be hurt. I want to not be blocked for 12 or 24 or 48 or 72 hours with no idea of what's going on until you decide that you're willing to come back. I want to not be put in situations where you say you block me because you don't want a wall of text, but in reality you want to hurt me fast and hard and then run away so that you don't hear the consequences of your actions.
"Your things are in the car. Please get them."
"OK. But only if you promise not to talk to me while I do."
"Sure. If that's what you want I won't talk."
The next day we texted and discussed things. Things were... emotional. Then she disappeared and stopped responding. That would have been fine, had her sister not called me looking for her since she hadn't been able to reach her. My heart dropped. Had something happened? Had she done something? I told her sister, "Hey, bad timing, but you should probably just go check her in person." And then, "And, not my business, but if you find her can you just let me know she's safe? Nothing else, I just want to know she's ok." Her sister said "Of course."
Queue to a few days ago. She asked me to hang out with her in person for a jazz thing. I said hey, look, I am very emotional right now. I want to see you but I can't today. Maybe we can talk in a few days?
Apparently that was the wrong answer.
"Honestly I'm just going to come get my stuff."
She did. And then she said "Leave me alone," so I did.
But I had no idea where we stood. Was this just another week-long block? I messaged her 4-5 days later.
"Hey, I just want to know if the plan is to go no contact or if there's a chance of staying friends or coming back to this in the future so I know whether to start grieving or not."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Sorry I don't want to be a bother I just want to know so I'm not on edge."
She called me. Man, that was hard.
I did my best not to cry. She asked me why I was crying. I said "Because you're my best friend and I don't want to lose you." She laughed. "You're the one that did this." She laughed. She laughed. She laughed.
I asked if theres a chance we would be able to either stay friends in the future or maybe come back to the relationship down the line after we had both worked on ourselves. She said "As long as you don't get emotional or controlling when you see me go on trips with other people."
Ow.
OK, maybe not. But what about controlling?
"You're trying to control me."
"What? When?"
"You're messaging my sister."
"I texted her once because I wanted to make sure you were safe." I then sent her the screenshots to prove this.
"You're contacting my family to try and control me. After we broke up."
"That was the day we broke up."
"LIES."
"What? That was Sunday?"
"You dropped my s*** off on saturday night. You texted my sister on sunday."
"Oh. Sorry. I guess it was saturday. Sorry, everything's been blending together in this wall of confusion and pain."
She laughed.
She said "Look, I'm just not going to be there for you anymore emotionally when you're never there for me."
"What was I supposed to do that night you wanted me to drop you off. Like, what was the best outcome?"
"Come over and hug me. Hold me."
"You said you didn't want to be next to me. You said you wanted me to take you home. And when I pulled in you just got out of the car and left without saying goodbye. Was I supposed to follow you into your house after all that?"
She changed the topic.
"But instead you chose to go have fun with your friends."
"Was I supposed to go home and cry alone? Can I not distract? I am not even sure why this started in the first place I am so confused and just wanted to stop crying and distract and go to this thing that you had made me confirm my attendance to just an hour prior to you leaving."
"Must have been nice having fun." She laughed loudly. "OK I have to get ready for work. Bye."
And then she hung up.
The amount of pain I felt in that moment. The amount of guilt. I did this. Even she said it. This was my fault my fault my fault. I shouldn't have reacted by dropping her stuff off. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't it was my fault.
But I had nothing left. She stopped caring about me so quickly. She laughed when I cried.
I sent her a final message and went no contact. I final sorry to top off the mountain of apologies I had given her over the last two and a half years.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to stop hurting myself. I will love you forever and if you ever need me you know where I live and are always welcome in. I feel that I am causing you pain and maybe resentment so I will let you move on to somebody better for you now. Goodbye."
And then I went no contact.
It's been a few days now and the pain comes and goes. Sometimes it's unbearable. Sometimes it's replaced by anger. And sometimes I just wish she would have given my my shirt back, the one passed down to me from my mother, the one I held near and dear to my heart that she would steal to wear. She has the rest of my stuff but really all I want is the shirt and I'll be at peace. But I've now initiated no contact on my end so perhaps my shirt and what it means to me is gone. Maybe she threw it away already. I don't know.
And these emotions come and go and sometimes I laugh and then the laugh turns into a gasp as my chest is stabbed with the most agonizing pain I can imagine and I feel like a fish out of water, making ungodly noises as I hope to black out and make the pain stop. And sometimes I imagine her coming back through my door like she used to, walking in and kissing me and picking me up and carrying me to bed and laying me down and holding me, her skin against mine, her lips against mine, her soul against mine.
But now, when that happens, I just need to remember one thing:
She laughed.

My(15F) mom(48F) and I were attached at the hip since I’ve been younger. Mostly because she raised me by herself since my dad(75M) didn’t live with us. He wasn’t around much in my younger years, only really present when my grandfather died. My mom has mental illness, along with her own mommy issues. She never really got the chance to address them though, since my grandmother died before I was born. Onto the issues. I just recently moved to live with my dad because things with my mom had gotten really bad. Naturally I started remembering things. Like how she left me in my car seat as an incompetent 4/5 year old in the winter because I was “too much.” She also forbade my grandfather and I from speaking in the last years of his life, even though we lived in the same house. The worst of it though came with the panic attacks. I began bottling up my emotions because she only responded with anger or guilt-tripping (not a good idea) and the first one I had, I was backed into a corner because she wouldn’t stop approaching me, then she held me down on my bed and put her hand over my mouth when I started screaming. Instead of apologizing, she told me I was possessed by the devil. Who knew. I was 11 when that happened, and she still doesn’t see the problem with what she did. She has also said I’m not her daughter anymore, and that it was my “responsibility” that I tried to kill myself (something about life insurance which I don’t have) but I ran away a couple times and she only brought up calling the police when I came back “I was about to call I was so worried.” After both of my attempts, she would just call me dramatic, and never told my dad. She also called me manipulative whenever I did tell my dad anything that happened between us. Saying I wouldn’t have him to complain to much longer (implying because he’s older I won’t have as many years) a fact which she has seen me break down about. Not only all of this but small comments too. Watching sword af (Smosh dnd) “you like this stuff?” Wearing a crop top with no jacket “you look like a slut.” Anytime I try to set a boundary “you’re so ungrateful and spoiled.” I was telling her not to call my friend ghetto because she shouldn’t and she says slurs. Honestly I don’t know how much else I can write, so maybe I’ll update, but I needed to get it off my chest because Mother’s Day was very hard, but I still made an effort, calling her (she didn’t return my call, only “I appreciate the thought” and sent her Mother’s Day deals for food “I’m not going there.” But I don’t know if it was the healthiest thing for me to do. I’m at a loss