Hey y'all. Obv a throwaway acct because idk what to do about this, but I'm in an odd situation and genuinely don't know what to do. I apologize if I kinda get scatter-brained writing this, I'm not the best story-teller. Any and ALL advice is welcome!!!
So my boyfriend and I, (let's call him Mark) have been together since last summer, so getting close to a year now. In the beginning stages of us talking we had all the basic conversations about our own morals, beliefs, etc. The topic of things like abørtiøn and s3x work had come up before in the past. Every time I would say something along the lines of "honestly, not something I'd ever do, a bit too ballsy but I respect everyone's ways of making a living;" however, he has always seen things such as stripping, OF, prostitution, etc. as "awful, unbelievable some people will sell their bodies for money like that, they're disgusting, etc." (Never liked that idea lol but we are born and raised in the south so I figure plenty of people agree with his opinions in this area, I don't wanna make it a big deal).
A couple weeks ago, Mark decided to go thru my phone? Very out of character, also defeats a big thing I rely on : TRUST. He found me talking to a coworker in texts about me GIVING THEM A TATTOO very obviously, but because it was a guy he made me swear HAND ON THE BIBLE that I hadn't cheated on him. Y'all I wouldn't be lying, especially on an anonymous reddit post. I didn't cheat on him or come close? (Coworker is like 40 lmao. Not my thing LMAO).
So we got in a fight and I, in a very admittedly petty state-of-mind, went thru his phone. HE HAD HIRED A HOOKER IN THE PAST.
AT A FRESH 18 YEARS OLD THIS MAN HAD HIRED A HOOKER. It was from a year ago, but it still kind of threw me off considering he thinks prostitution is "disgusting, vile, and sad."
I've noticed some pretty hypocritical things from him, but am I crazy for being genuinely grossed out by how hypocritical this is? And it happened only three months from when we started dating, meaning THIS BASICALLY J U S T HAPPENED AND YOU'RE STILL GONNA CALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE BOUGHT FROM BEFORE "DISGUSTING?"
I'm ngl, I don't know what to do. I really like this guy, but it's not been great for my self esteem or mental health since finding this out. He's done plenty of other fucky things in the past, and so have I. The only difference is I have told him everything I feel like is worth mentioning. Something he actively calls "so gross he could never," yet has done??? Like IDGAF WHAT YOU DID BEFORE WE WERE DATING, but DAMN that threw me for a loop. Was he just lying about his opinions? Or is he genuinely that blind to his double standard?
So now, do I just avoid the fact this means he's a massive, low-key mysogenistic, hypocrite?
And am I crazy for feeling like this makes me lesser, if that makes sense? Like he was willing to hire an escort a couple months before we dated? That means his standards for a woman must be fantastic and THAT makes me feel GREAT!!(sarcastic)
Is there a way to move forward correctly from this? Should I even address something like that? Or do I let the "past be the past???"
HELP MEEEE

Hi everyone I am just wondering what does the bible say about scarification? I tried to find answers online but can't seem to find a straight answer, most answer I see are about tatoos but I want to know specifically about scarification
Just in case you don't know what scarification is: Scarification involves scratching, etching, burning/branding, or superficially cutting designs, pictures, or words into the skin as a permanent body modification or body art. (Source of definition is Wikipedia)
You can also look up pictures in google to know what it looks like
I was actually wondering if I could do a scarification of a Cross on my chest since I dont want a tatoo

My online friend whom I fell in love with…We broke up today.
Hey guys, I need all the support and love. Please and thanks!
💙❤️💜💛💚
So gimme some of that good old virtual hugs! Send me the most loving quotes you got. Gimme some that sugary saccharine sappy vibes! I need it.
Listen you guys, my problem is that I’m too loyal for my own good. I love way too much. I try too hard to be like Usagi from Sailor Moon. Or rather Usagi is like me. Guys, I believe in one true love. Believe me, I ain’t doing it again! Because love hurts.
A little bit about me, I’m an idiot. Number two I’m an softie. Number three, I’ve dealt with more heartbreak than anything. But this is my first romantic heartbreak!
Long story short, our tragic love story started on January 20th, 2024. He requested to chat with me. I said yes. I didn’t fall in love with him immediately. To me romance and love takes time. But I began to fall for him. He was really smart and kind. I thought I was special to him. I thought he was special. But then today it was hard for him to wait for me. I understand. I live miles away. But at the same time I thought we were going to be something special.
I stood up for him online when people were being rude.
I called him out for not being loyal. I should not have done that. That’s what I get for being like Sailor Moon. However, I was stupid to expect so much from him. Yes, I was stupid. Yes, I told him my real first name, which state I lived in, and shared photos and videos of my real face. Yes, I am a big fat moron.
I say goodbye with Sailor moon sad pic the one where she in the balcony. I was about to delete my Reddit account, but the system won’t let me. It must be a sign from an angel.
I was about to add a message “My line is open. God wanted me to stay”. But he blocked on everything. Ugh….😩
What the?! I was about to tell him that my line was open just in case. Just in case, he wanted to speak to me again.
I was crying all day. We’ve only know each other for three months! THREE MONTHS! It ended before anything happened!
But it hurts. It hurts dammit! 😢 I wish he hadn’t blocked me. I deleted my instagram pics because I felt stupid.
Again I know I’m at fault for being so loyal. I hurt myself. I’m my worst enemy. I was too kind for my own good. Sometimes, I wish my life were like a sitcom. The happy kind of sitcom where every single time there’s a happy ending.
I miss my friend already!! 😭 Why does this always happen to me!? Adding onto this, I remained loyal through and through. I did not talk to any other dudes. That’s just the way I am.
Thank-you, beautiful people ! All you sad people who had their hearts crushed! You all are beautiful you hear me?! Beautiful!
So in Sailor Moon fashion! “Moon Crisis Power! Make UP!” Lend me your strength and kindness! I really need it. 🦋🦋🌷🌷🌷🦋🌷🌷🌷🦋🦋🦋
No private messages please. No slipping in my DMs unless you are the one I’m talking about! When I do get those messages I get unsolicited yucky messages! I maybe stupid, but not that stupid to jump to another relationship!

I 21 female will not lie when I say I had a one that got away. When I was 14 I met this magnificent male 17 at the time. I love him still so much but I am now married. I know I know, I should not be married if Im still not over him. I am not here for all you to call me an A hole when I know I am. I just want to take this out of my chest and stop running from this.
For context that is important my ex and I are Mormons. This is relevant to the story because many stuff we had revolved around this.
We met when we were just teenagers I 14 and him 17 at a church event around 2017. I will not lie when I say it was love at first sight when I saw him. We danced many songs together and exchanged facebook acounts. I did not initiate anything at the being because he was dating someone at the time. But once they broke up I made my move and once he recovered that break up we started chatting and after some dates. By December he asked me if we wanted to go out. Of course I said Yes!
Time passes and as a Mormon, men once they are 18 go out and preach the word of god for a total of 2 years. He let me know that he would go on a mission once he graduated High school and I agreed on this decision because I wanted to go as well. He was such an inspiration to me as much as I was to him. He told me that thanks to my example he was able to graduate with a higher score he was able to also graduate seminary church.
We were both on the same boat. Thanks to his example I graduate with high sore average in High school as well and graduate Seminary Church While him being in his Mission.
He is the kindest person I’ve ever met. He left in December of 2018 to his mission in Tampico Mexico and I waited faithfully all those two years for him.
I waited and was studying high school while hime being on a mission. I had already met his family before him leaving, so I would go visit them occasionally on my free time. I bonded so well with all his family but especially with his mom. While him being in the mission she broke her leg and I took care of her as well as my older sister. Her mom is also one of the sweetest women I have met.
One of those years my mom did not have money to celebrate(not that it was an issue) but her mom invited me over. I went and once I was there, his family surprised me with a surprise birthday party.
There was a time where missionaries could only write emails but by that time they could now make phone calls. Guess who called me that day? He did… and i did not stop crying because he took the time to talk to his missionary president and ask for permission just to make that call.
Every month from month 1 December 2017 to the end June 2022… every month he would either write me a poetic letter, message, give me a gift, take me on a date. Maybe yes I do miss this.
It was something mutual. I would do the same for him. All the above paragraph.
Once back from his mission I told him I wanted to be enough fo him quote on quote“when I turn 19 I will on a missiona so now you will wait for me.” He was not too sure at the beginning but was ok with it by the end.
He is where the downfall goes.
I am the type of independent women that wants to do stuff on her own and was thinking long term with him. I told him to start school while I start saving up money to go on a mission. He was accepted in a physiotherapy university city and I told him “by the time im back you will be almost done with school and we can get married“. I told him I wanted to move to a border country where i could make money becasue I know English and I could take more advantage of it. I would be able to pay off my whole mission but this would only be possible if I left(we live in mexico).
I flew away and we kept a long term relashionship( 8 hours plane flight + 2 hour bus away + 2 hour different time zone). By months past he was not as happy because he just got back a couple months ago and we had to be separated. again. He also said I did not have as much time as i used to for him. I explained to him that I was making time to talk to him as much as I could and I KID YOU NOT we would talk 20 mintues daily and text every day.Me working a 10 hour shift and living 2 hours away from my Job.
We paused the relationship and I told him that. “ Before I leave i promise you i will save enough money and see you.”
My plan before going on a mission was to go home and enter the temple with my mom and dad to be invested with them in a temple. This was a special moment for them because my mom has had a drinking problem. It was years since they had gone to the temple.
They wanted to come to where i was living so i could go leave to my mission directly from where I moved to to. But i told them to save the money it was best for me to go to my local temple where they lived. And I could pature from ther with all my friends and family.(and also see my ex). I was told many times from my leaders of the church that it was not a good idea to go back home and parture from my local town because I would be more tempted by satan to not go. But i still went back home.
This was maybe the worst decision. This would change my life completly.
Once home and only weeks from waiting from recieving my calling from my mission I did fall into temptation with that boyfriend and did not go to the mission. I got sooo depressed becuase this was my most desired hope. One of those days when no one was looking I saw my calling on my own and saw it was Mexico Guadalajara…
On one of the encounters we had was with unprotected sex and was maybe pregnant. I was so confused and depressed and mad and had so much emotions running through my head .
We where young me at that time now 19 and him 21. We had to talk to his parents and tell them I would no longer go because of that incident and told him i might be prego. They advised to take a blood test that yes, I did do and came out negative. My ex and I talked a lot but i could not get my senses to full recovery.
When the test came out negative i could not stay home of how bad i felt there. I felt i had all eyes on me for not going on a mission and was scared church people start spreading rumors on why i didn’t go. Because YES, FRICKEN CRISTIANS ARE NOSEY.
I know its my fault things ended. He was so in love with me. He was willing to marry me. But I just did not know what to do. In one of those thoughts of me being confuse I tild myself the best decision for me to “feel better” was to end the relationship. So we talked and ended it.
The day I was moving to the boarder country we met up to say our last goodbye and it said most heartbreaking goodby. He said he was sorry and to please go and do my mission so he could take that gult away from his soul. I said yes but deep inside me i knew i would not go.
I went back to the place I was living at with my sister. I went 0 contact, but would always think about all the special memories we had.
I was in a dark whole once living here and I started smoking and drinking(things i did not do). I retook my job when i first arrived here. And a new guy comes in 27 male(my now husband.
The story repeats itself, but this time him with me. He saw me and it was love at first sight.
One day a friend of mine made plans for a bunch of work colleagues to go out and party so i went. The new guy and I talked from that day on and from there started going out on dates. I told him from the beining that i was shattered into a million peaces and did not want to date. That he was not my type becasue he was not mormon and would never look into him. He did not care. And told me he was willing to change his bad habits and learn more about church. Maybe because he was alone for so much time and saw a light. I felt that the light of my candle had water all poured on top of it. He told me he could see Light he had not seen in no one else. HE WAS A REBOUND. Maybe i felt lonely too?? With time we started dating
In the mean time I started to get into fights with my sister(too many fights) and she kicked me out and put a dead line. I could not afford a place on my own so he told me that we could move in together and after only a few months of dating we did that 2023. I did not want to move in because of love but I was BROKE.
While living together I would cry a lot. I did not take therapy untill months before of getting married. I admitted to him that i did not know if i was sad because of my ex, me not going on a mission, my bad decisions or all of them. It broke my heart see his break. But again i feel He was scared to be lonely as much as I am.
It broke my heart to cry for someone, but it broke more everytime my partner would comfort me.Even though he knew who I was crying for. And yes am an Ass hole in know.
We where not a perfect couple. But this was affecting me too much. I took 1 therapy class but could not afford it no more so could not continue.
While living together he did tell me he wanted to marry and I told him yes only if he decided to get baptized and cummit on his own and not because of me. He told me yes.
Before getting married i contacted my ex… and told him i was sorry for going 0 contact he accepted my apology but did not want to keep talking because he knew i was already dating someone. And this time he went 0 contact with me. And told me he was seeing someone
I never told him i still had feelings for him and in Augost of 2023 my Husband proposed. By September we got got married… Maybe everything was too quick? I was still in love with my ex and and the same time i felt bad for my husband. He truely loves me in his own way.
I waited patiently for his call the day before our marriage but nothing. So i went for it and married this guy that truely loves me.
I still tried to get over him… September, November passes and one day i mids of december out of the blue my ex called me!I will not lie that i felt butterflies in my stomatche and he told me he was sorry for going 0 contact. And told me he broke up with that one girl and was happy i was married. I truly wanted to tell him “I am not happy. I still love you” but i cant say those things… we are not a perfect marriage and many things are because of me and others because my husband had a ruff childhood. We had many discussions because he could never give me cards, buy me little gifts or take me out on date once living together or married.
I would compare my husband to my ex and sometimes tell him he was not good enough for me. This would start argument.
In the call I only told my ex boyfriend in the call thank you for your congrats Amd that was it. We started once again talking from December all around to febuary. This was legitimately just as friends and nothing flirtatious was going on.
I did not tell my husband that we where talking and i know once again i am an Ass hole and yes i know even though my ex was never flirty at any moment of time on my end this is infidelity on my end
We have been ups and downs in my marriage. And i know I am not perfect.
That last time i talked to him was in finals of Febuary of this year 2024. Prior to this I maybe was trying to think he still felt something for me but I think it was just me.
I talked to one of my friends and explianed this whole situation true of my chest and I did let her know that i was feeling really guilty of everything and told her i was going to stop talking to him but I wanted to call him one last time. She agreed and told me if this was going to make me not contact him to do it. Not only for myself but for my husband because this was not fair in any way for him.
That same day I called him and told him. That I knew he was not trying but sometimes he made me feel mixed signals. Maybe I misinterpreted them and these status he was posting were for his ex and not me his 2nd ex. I told him that I knew he was not trying this to get my attention but me in my head I was only confusing myself and started to get hope on something that was not possible. Idid tell him that these feeling for him ehere coming back.
He told me that he was sorry but he got back with his ex and was happy with her. He told me to work on my marriage with my husband and was ok to go 0 contact again with him. He told me he cared for me only as a friend and that was all he wanted.
That was exactly what I wanted him to tell me. Something enough to crush my heart and give me 0 hopes to get back together ever. I said goodbye with tears in my eyes and blocked him.
I don’t care who sees this tbh I just want to share this and take it finally off my chest. And you can call me all you want I really don’t care.
For those who ask why I did not cancel the wedding. I tried, I did tell him that I was not okay. I did try to leave this relationship because I was not happy. But he always found a way to convince me. Toxic? Yes Will leave him? Idk Do I need therapy? Yes I do need.
I love you dear ex with all my heart. You made me love God, myself, and then you. I miss you and wish you the best. If this ever gets to you…i hope that by that time, I am healed and happy.
After all this time? Yes… Always. I still have and will always loved you. I really hope my husband can make me love myself just as you did. i hope he can make me love God just as much as you did… he just got baptized and working in his own relationship with god.
Maybe one day he will love me just as much as you did and make me feel that he is the one and not you.
if you see this and if… only if you feel the same way call me
If i dont have the same number you always have my family’s facebook. Tell them you’re looking for me.But if you don’t have them just ignore this.
Thank you all for this who got all the ways to the bottom. I know its a lot to read,but maybe one can relate to this. I will read your coment in case you want to tell me anyththing.

I don't know what flair to use because my emotions are so mixed. It's good news, grief, and a bit of venting.
Last week, around midnight, I packed up my car with whatever I could grab and drove my daughter and 3 dogs across the country to live with family. I was just so done with the gaslighting and constant anxiety not knowing what mood he would be in.
We had been together for 9 years and my daughter is almost 5. Looking back, he made my life miserable. Ruined most of our outings with drunken drama and always took credit for the things I accomplished. I was so proud/excited to finally finish a medical degree I'd been working towards for 6 years, while caring for our daughter full-time. Meanwhile, I watched him fuck up his own life while blaming everyone else. He told everyone that he put me through school and I'm my accomplishments are only because everyone around me enabled me to do so. Even though I still brought money in the house with student loans and part time jobs.
I thought things would get better when I got a good job and were finally caught up on bills, but be couldn't handle being a stay at home parent. I tried to adjust my schedule around him and I worked overnights, so I could sleep for the 6 hours my daughter was at school, because he wouldn't take her.
When I asked a friend to help with her, he told me that I needed to get my shit together and I didnt care enough as a mom. Instead of helping me, he just enjoyed watching me suffer. I hated leaving my daughter with him at night. I told myself the schedule change was hard and to give it time.
He was constantly buzzed and would go from playful to yelling at a moments notice. My daughter begged me not to go to work so many times. She was scared of him. The week prior, he was sharpening knives in the living room while I slept and the night of, he sliced his hand open making dinner, while shitfaced, when I was in the shower. He blamed my daughter for his injury and wouldn't stop yelling at her. He needed stitches and drove himself to the hospital. Came home and drank even more before passing out.
My love for him was just instantly gone. I just didn't care anymore. I realized he will never let me be happy and he will always pick alcohol over us. I wasn't waiting until something really bad happened to leave.
I feel so guilty that I let him watch my daughter so many nights when he obviously wasn't stable. I hope the trauma doesn't stay forever for her. He keeps calling to talk to her, but she doesn't want to talk to him and it breaks my heart. Not for him, but for her. I feel so ashamed I let it get this bad. He was so good at riding the fine line of abuse.
He called a few hours into our drive telling me to come home and at least say it to his face that I'm leaving him and let him say goodbye to his daughter. It felt like a horror movie where you tell the dumb character not to do it and then they get murdered.
He said he was always there for me when I was sick (I have a chronic illness), aka watched her for a week while I was in the hospital. He says I'm unreliable because I'm always "in and out of hospitals". It's just so frustrating he doesn't understand that's not the same. And showing up for one event doesn't forgive all the other times, like being black out drunk for 3 weeks after I brought a newborn home or physically restraining me from taking my dog to the vet when he was dying. There's so many more of those.
But I feel so much relief. It's so quiet and my daughter feels it too. I'm stressed about the future, if he fights for custody because he plans to move out here, but right now I can breathe. It's amazing how entrapped you become in their problems and I'm so happy to be free from his addiction.

My wife planned and financed this amazing Disney Vacation for me and my 3 year old son. This was months in the making and we looked forward to this trip immensely. As expected, the trip was incredible. 2 days prior to our return and when we finally had cell service, we learned from the place that our dog Mr Peanut was boarded at that he was not eating, was quite lethargic, congested, and needed to be picked up. Our emergency contact was not reachable and we were on a private island and unable to shoot home to take care of him. My wife called one of her close friends who knew and loved Mr. Peanut and was willing to pick him up immediatley and bring him to the vet and her home to care for him. The vet prescribed some antibiotics and sent him home in good hands with my wife's friend. We kept in contact with the friend and she made him rice and carrots in a slow cooker and he still didn't want to eat. She kept him comfortable and took him to a nature preserve on a walk.... Then we got the call this morning when we were en route home from my wife's friend notifying us that he had died... we were able to see him and say goodbye before he was picked up by the pet remains service. It was brutal way to end our trip.
Mr. Peanut was very special to us. He was a member of our family. He was our first born so to speak. While I'm heartbroken, I'm concerned about my wife. She loved that crazy ass dog. She just put her heart, soul, and wallet into this unbelievable vacation for us and this is how it ends??? While my wife is extremely strong, I'm concerned on how this will impact her spirit and psyche. I know time will heal but to what extent? I want to be what she needs and I want to protect her from the trauma of this. Any thoughts? Thank you for reading. This is all too fresh as we lost Mr. Peanut today....

Hi, I’m a male and was just wondering about the role in a relationship. I know the Bible says that a man should be the head of the household, (and I’m all for that) but what if the woman is a better leader? Not everyone is on the same intellectual level. If the woman in the relationship have a higher intellectual prowess shouldn’t she lead? Shouldn’t the most skilled or experienced sailor be at the helm?

Prior to getting engaged he gave me his word he would be okay with us raising our kids with both religions and when they’re older they could chose what they want to practice. Now after getting engaged he’s becoming more in touch with the Bible. He now says he wants our kids to be Christian. Completely going back on his word on something he knew was important and a deciding factor if we would get engaged/married. He says this is his nonnegotiable… I don’t know how to feel. We had a conversation with both of our parents before getting engaged about religion and how we would raise our kids. Now I’m afraid he will eventually tell me I have to convert and that’ll also be a nonnegotiable. We’ve been engaged for a year now and I’m genuinely upset because I don’t feel secure in our relationship anymore. It feels like at any moment in time he can change his mind and give me more nonnegotiables.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? He’s says I’m manipulative for being upset that this is his now his nonnegotiable. He didn’t even want to have a discussion and the only reason I learned about this was because I asked him about it. The topic of conversation was about the Bible and nonbelievers and that’s what prompted me to ask that question.

Before I say anything I want to say ive written a whole as paragraph FUCKING TWICE and they both got deleted because my parents either literally called the phone or yelled for me to go to them and when I tell you reddit doesnt do drafts for google or my version first time I was depressed the second time I was pissed and I couldn't even vent about it so im doing it here Yes i'm writing this on a phone using google instead instead the reddit app this time I was smart and wrote this on google docs so it would save I'm sorry for my bad manners or bad grammer But i'll keep the story brief because im not typing for 30 minutes anymore Basically I wanted to ask why is it treated like a taboo to hate bad mothers I have a narcissistic mother as bad as they get only she's not a drug addict or sexually abusive (thank god) But she's a narcissist if you look up a narcissist parent she fits the description. She ruined my future and claims she loves me She smiled when my grandmother died and called my father and said to him “that's why you lost your dad and your mom” in front of me (This was when my grandma died). She physically abuses me, hits me when she's mad, calls me slurs and claims it's to toughen me up for the world when things get bad. She then says she loves me. I figured out she was a bad mom when i was 13 now im 17 i have a year left and she's gonna kick me out she doesnt love me anymore i can't cry they teach men not to cry so nothing will come out and frankly crying doesn't do anything. I don't want to excuse anything not even myself Because recently I hit her when she hit me we were in the car and I smacked her face she pulled out my dreads and I somehow scratched her I'm not trying to justify what i did but to give perspective i'm around 5,10 and she's slightly smaller than me but shes heavier than me and i'd argue slightly stronger she managed to pull out like 4 of my dreads. She threatened to put me in prison because no man should put their hands on their mother and i know she was right because of that i'm gonna miss school field trips that were scholarship worthy and i lost the chance for her to give me a bank account with 100 dollars for my birthday (i didn't get get anything for that 🙂). She bought a cake for my birthday. It tasted awful and claimed it was our cake because my birthday is a week apart. Then she bought herself two cakes that tasted way better and wanted me to sing her happy birthday (it was Ramadan so I didn't even want to think about eating, no i'm not muslim I just wanted to try it for the first time to respect the muslim culture). she doesn't let me work either so i'm basically gonna be homeless. I'm not scared of going to prison because I feel like I deserve some form of punishment. I do feel guilty. I hate how people can take advantage of the system. My mom knows she's a woman and can guilt people and manipulate people into thinking she's a victim. I wish we had a dynamic system. I didn't know that it was possible to love your children unequally and claim you love them but abuse them. She's done bad things that not even I can tell you. In some way she does love me by giving me a roof over my head and food with my phone that she didn't buy or the Internet she's not paying for. But she said if i keep fucking with her the only thing ill have is just food. My dad doesnt pay child support but even if he did she wouldn't use it on us trust me. My dads broke (not saying that to be mean) so if I did need money he'd tell moneys tight or I'd have to wait another day. It's embarrassing that we're poor and she won't even let me work for myself. I get bullied about being broke. Sometimes I find that humiliating. She says i'm too disrespectful to work and that i'm spoiled but i'm rambling sorry. I wanted to tell you all the things she's done but I'm always told she's my mother. No matter what she does she's your mother and the bible says honor thy mother and thy father so i try to listen but she freaks out if i do anything wrong and has her friends belittle and berate me. She threatens to put me in prison. I could do the same thing but i dont record anything she does and I don't want to put her in jail because I love my siblings. If she knows I even typed this she will call the cops to save her face. She also threatens to put me on the streets. My father loves me and regrets basically being the reason our family is so broken. But sometimes i doubt he knows what hes doing. My father said he'll take me in his home but he's broke i dont mean that in a mean way. I dont think he can truely take care of me. i hate it when he smokes everyday inside the house. he has no shower or washer and hes also the reason my gpa is horrible because he tried to take me out of my school and failed. He also cant take me to school on time so i had to go back to my mom So i plan to join the military and leave for good i wanna do the air force because that's what everyone says i have the smarts to do There's nothing anyone can do and I lost hope but inside I'm heartbroken that there's nothing I can do to take back hitting my mom. No matter what she did. It feels like it invalidates everything she did wrong. I'm hurt that I'm gonna essentially be alone when I've grown completely. I've never gotten to leave my home and I'm expected to leave completely and I wonder if anyone understands. Maybe one day I could talk about everything but its not today. I apologized to her immediately after I hit her but I've also never forgiven her for the things she's done. Why do I have to live humiliated not because of what she did or didn't do but because of the things she didn't allow me to do. I will always be her failure but i want everyone to know that i plan to make something of myself in the future but itll only be when im allowed to spread my wings and get out her door 🕊️ Ps i wrote Wayyy more but again my stuff got deleted twice. To summarize I'm just surprised parents can push their children to the edge get away with it and ruin the children's present and future my mom said if i go against her I will get raped and killed by people but when i try to work with her she hates it. I don't feel like i can truly tell anybody anything so i resort to venting at reddit I'm very poetic tho so i hope to rap about my past and trauma to turn it into something positive (no i'm not a rapper right now and no this isn't for clout). Let this be a letter to me from the past for the future. If I am successful without her or maybe somehow repair this utterly broken relationship I hope to come back and edit this response to let y'all know. For the people just like me I HEAR YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If there's anyone just like me I turn to you to share your experiences.
​

My great grandma died Saturday morning and I was with her when she passed and I can't stop thinking about it. My grandma (her daughter) freaking out and saying "no no it's fine she is still breathing". (she wasn't) My mom running out into the hallway to grab a nurse. Seeing her lifeless body just being there. Going to kiss her goodbye and her skin being cold. Calling my manager to say I wouldn't be going into work and crying over the voicemail. Thad. e nurse joking that the form had no option for "great daughter" when marking who was with her when she died. So she just put granddaughter is instead. Shutting the door when we left knowing I would never psychically see her again. Leaving a butterfly with her name on it in the hallway.
Its all just so much

My great grandma died Saturday morning and I was with her when she passed and I can't stop thinking about it. My grandma (her daughter) freaking out and saying "no no it's fine she is still breathing". (she wasn't) My mom running out into the hallway to grab a nurse. Seeing her lifeless body just being there. Going to kiss her goodbye and her skin being cold. Calling my manager to say I wouldn't be going into work and crying over the voicemail. Shutting the door when we left knowing I would never psychically see her again. Leaving a butterfly with her name on it in the hallway.
Its all just so much

Farm Life with Usagi

Description: What happens when the Warrior of the Rabbit is on the run from his past? And what happens when a solution presents itself in the form of a shady farmer willing to look the other way? Join Usagi as he struggles to keep his obsession with ‘friends’ and his inner sadist at bay and adjust to a new life.
Chapter 1: A Fresh Start
“The fuck’s this?” the man chuckles. “Am I interrupting something?” he asks. Sitting up with a grunt, I kiss goodbye the serenity of silence that I was enjoying, knowing it wasn’t going to last much longer. Tilting the straw hat up from my eyes, I glare at the man before me, current owner of this farm, Marek, as he continues plastering a shit-eating grin across his face.
“I was just sleeping, Emily makes for a comfortable pillow,” I lightly pat Emily’s still sleeping head as I stand up, letting out a satisfying stretch as I hear the cracks from my back. Marek’s cocky expression changes to that of disgust, “What’d I tell you about naming the animals, you a retard or something?”, I roll my eyes at his comment and begin dusting animal fur off and restoring my hair to its accustomed snow-coloured state.
“Animals aren’t just slabs of meat, they’re intelligent creatures, cows especially. They can form friendly bonds across species and even have best friends, just like humans. And I’m friends with everyone here.”
“Friends, friends, friends, is that all you ever talk about, you a broken record or somethin? They’re just bloody damn animals!” he says with an irritated expression, “get to work already” he orders as he throws a pair of muddy gloves at me, signaling the start of another day’s work.
It’s clear that Marek doesn’t share the same fondness for animals as I do....
[COMPLETE]
FanFiction: https://m.fanfiction.net15851154/
Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ase_CeeCee/works
Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/useAse_CeeCee

Hey guys, I need all the support and love. Please and thanks!
💙❤️💜💛💚
So gimme some of that good old virtual hugs! Send me the most loving quotes you got. Gimme some that sugary saccharine sappy vibes! I need it.
Listen you guys, my problem is that I’m too loyal for my own good. I love way too much. I try too hard to be like Usagi from Sailor Moon. Or rather Usagi is like me. Guys, I believe in one true love. Believe me, I ain’t doing it again! Because love hurts.
A little bit about me, I’m an idiot. Number two I’m an softie. Number three, I’ve dealt with more heartbreak than anything. But this is my first romantic heartbreak!
Long story short, our tragic love story started on January 20th, 2024. He requested to chat with me. I said yes. I didn’t fall in love with him immediately. To me romance and love takes time. But I began to fall for him. He was really smart and kind. I thought I was special to him. I thought he was special. But then today it was hard for him to wait for me. I understand. I live miles away. But at the same time I thought we were going to be something special.
I stood up for him online when people were being rude.
I called him out for not being loyal. I should not have done that. That’s what I get for being like Sailor Moon. However, I was stupid to expect so much from him. Yes, I was stupid. Yes, I told him my real first name, which state I lived in, and shared photos and videos of my real face. Yes, I am a big fat moron.
I say goodbye with Sailor moon sad pic the one where she in the balcony. I was about to delete my Reddit account, but the system won’t let me. It must be a sign from an angel.
I was about to add a message “My line is open. God wanted me to stay”. But he blocked on everything. Ugh….😩
What the?! I was about to tell him that my line was open just in case. Just in case, he wanted to speak to me again.
I was crying all day. We’ve only know each other for three months! THREE MONTHS! It ended before anything happened!
But it hurts. It hurts dammit! 😢 I wish he hadn’t blocked me. I deleted my instagram pics because I felt stupid.
Again I know I’m at fault for being so loyal. I hurt myself. I’m my worst enemy. I was too kind for my own good. Sometimes, I wish my life were like a sitcom. The happy kind of sitcom where every single time there’s a happy ending.
I miss my friend already!! 😭 Why does this always happen to me!? Adding onto this, I remained loyal through and through. I did not talk to any other dudes. That’s just the way I am.
Thank-you, beautiful people ! All you sad people who had their hearts crushed! You all are beautiful you hear me?! Beautiful!
So in Sailor Moon fashion! “Moon Crisis Power! Make UP!” Lend me your strength and kindness! I really need it. 🦋🦋🌷🌷🌷🦋🌷🌷🌷🦋🦋🦋
No private messages please. No slipping in my DMs unless you are the one I’m talking about! When I do get those messages I get unsolicited yucky messages! I maybe stupid, but not that stupid to jump to another relationship!

My boy of only 4 years old is going into surgery tomorrow to get bladder stones removed. I feel absolutely awful and have been crying everyday thinking about it. We brought him to the vet in time so his kidney is not affected, thankfully. However, the doc did say there's a risk that they make not get all the stones out giving how small they are. This worries me so much. I'm worried he'll be blocked again and might die...
We've also already purchased the prescribe food so it'll be ready for him when he comes home. I just feel so terrible for feeding him dry kibbles and giving him so many treats. I did this to my poor boy and now I'm paying for it...
With that said, I'm looking for some positive stories from owners who've been through this before. I love my boy so much and can't/isn't ready to say goodbye. Please tell me he'll live much longer and he'll be himself again.

(F4playing M) The Right Cullen Carlisle/bella slow burn
Hello there, do you love Twilight? Do you love slow burns? Do you wonder what it would be like if Bella had gotten to be with Carlisle? I do, and I may have the perfect role for this.
A little about me: my name is Em. I am a female in her 20s. I am in the CST time zone, though I'm more than happy to roleplay with you if you aren't in that time zone. Typically, I write around 500–1k words per post. I can from time to time break the discord limit, so I would like you to try and match me. I write in the third person, but this role seems to call for the first person. So I apologize if that is a little rusty. I enjoy NSFW content, but it will not be the main focus of the role. I do a ratio of 80 percent plot to 20 percent smut.
So what would I like from you as a partner? I’m so glad you asked!
I would like you to match my length; be okay with chatting out of character. It’s important that you have read the books or seen the movies. I enjoy sending funny videos and making playlists for our roles. So please be open to that. Also please have a discord. I use discord to role-play.
Now that that is out of the way, let’s get to the plot and start!
Plot:
After graduation, Edward gives Bella an ultimatum. She must marry him to be changed and have her last human experience. Bella finally breaks down, realizing that maybe just maybe Jacob and Charlie were right. Edward doesn’t love her, or at least, love isn’t enough.
Bella tells him no, which leads to their breakup fight. A huge fight, leaving Bella alone but happier. She is afraid that she will lose her family because of this, but Alice sees something that changes that. In her vision, Alice sees that Bella will still be like them. The only thing that has a chance is the person by her side. Little does the Cullen family know that their father’s marriage is falling apart. Will Bella be the one to put the family back together?
I know the plot is kind of short, but basically, Esme and Carlisle break up. Bella and Edward are over, leaving Bella and Carlisle to seek comfort in each other. The password is t.i.t.s.o.a.k bonus points if you know what it stands for.
Starter:
Graduation had happened, and the attention was finally off of me. I could blend back into the background once again. Well, until Edward made his way over to me.
The last conversation hung heavy in the air. I asked to be changed, and once again, he begged me to marry him. Something changed after the last conversation, and when it finally hit me, why wasn’t I enough? There was always another hoop I had to jump through for him. I was tired of it.
“Bella,” Alice said with a smile as she floated to me. Her beauty once again makes me feel a little less than. Alice’s dress was long and black; it was flowing behind her as she walked. “Come on, we are throwing a party at our house; you cannot be late.” Alice said. Her smile made it seem like it would be alright. I shot a glare at Jasper, who just smiled.
“Fine, but what about Charlie? He will want me home,” I said, hoping that would get me out of this. “Relax, we covered it with Charlie; he is fine; I even brought dinner over for him.” She said it in her musical voice.
Agreeing to a party thrown at Edward’s house was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want to even be in the same room as him; I knew it would come down to the same fight. He would ask me to marry him, and again, I would pause, unable to say no.
Walking into the Cullen house, I smiled at seeing Esme cooking, though she looked almost out of place. It seemed like she was hiding something. As I pushed past the kitchen, I tried to ignore the next part of what was to come. His room used to be his home. It used to be my happy place. No, not the room; he was my happy place. Now I wasn’t sure.
“Bella, let’s talk about this.” He said he was next to me in a flash. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust as I looked at him. “We have talked,” I said, watching his jaw clench and his muscles go rigid. “I don’t want to marry you yet.” I said. It wasn’t entirely a lie. I did not want to marry him anymore. “Then you will never get what you want.” Edward said the vermin in his voice was heavy. “So that's it? Just like that, we are over.” I asked as I got up, walking off. I only made it to the doorway before turning back to him. “Yes.” He spat.
“Can someone take me home?” I asked, walking into the kitchen. Alice nodded. “Carlisle can take you home.” She said it with a sad look on her face. The garage was cold compared to the rest of the house. Though the black sedan Carlisle waited inside was warm enough, “Thank you,” I said as I slid into the passenger's seat.
“Bella I want you to know that you will always be welcome in our home, even if you and Edward are not together. Sometimes love isn’t always enough. I understand that more than you know.” Carlisle said. I wasn’t sure why he was opening up to me, but it was a welcome change. “Thank you,” I said as I sat there for a moment.
That night was the first time I dreamed of Carlisle Cullen. It was also the first time I slept without nightmares, with Edward watching me. It was also the last time I saw any of the Cullens for a while. The last time I saw them was seven months ago, to be exact. Sure, we still texted and stuff, but I spent most of my time with Angela and Mike now, even seeing Jacob and Seth more.
Well, until today. “Bella, pack a bag; you need to come with me,” Alice said on the other end of the phone. Even with the panic or some other emotion in her voice, it was still musical. “Okay, but I’m not talking to Edward,” I said as she pulled into the driveway. I hung up the phone and watched her pull up along with Charlie’s police cruiser.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I got into her bright yellow Mustang convertible. “Esme is gone.” She said in a barely audible whisper that before I knew it, a letter was being shoved in my hands. The crème stationary was heavy, like cardstock paper. The letter, the goodbye letter Esme had written to her family and Carlisle, was in my hands. “How can I help during this?” I asked, chewing my bottom lip. I didn’t exactly know Carlisle well enough to be in this, I thought. “You help him; I have seen it.” Alice said her voice told me she was sure. I was the one to pull him from this.
Even now, the house feels strange, like I shouldn’t have been in it. Though I knew I was more than welcome, “He is in his study.” Emmett said. His face was expressionless, no doubt because Rosalie was clearly upset. Jasper was trying to ease the emotional tension in the room. “Okay,” I said as I walked up the stairs slowly. My blue jeans and sweatshirt were starting to feel suffocating. I knew they could all hear my heart race, but no one said anything. I was so grateful for that. Knocking on the study door, I paused, waiting to see if he would answer it. If he wanted to speak to me, “Carlisle? I asked softly, knowing he would hear me even through the door.
—————————————————— Hello there! Please include the following when you message, so I know you actually read the post.

1. Password
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I recently had to properly kick my first ever player, things got a little intense between us for it and well left me on the all sorts of spectrum of emotions sides. I just had to get both feelings and my logic for the reasons for this removal of at the start, a good player and good guy and character that.. to me just started to not be. Maybe to just vent out, maybe to see if I was justified, but also to hope that, if there were points I didnt see or think of at the time that someone can help me think better if a scenario ever bubbles up like this, I have a better headspace to go about things right.
To start, I am more or less a newby forever DM (1 oneshot game to my belt under as a player), my current running campaign is only my second, going 2 years strong now. Its been bumpy recently do to my work schedule last few months but we are nearly up to our 100th session together and things have begun to heat up story wise and excitement wise by my players. Everything's in the story is homebrew more or less, both my own works and others I found and my players bring up to me.
At the start of the game, I had 5 starting players, and the one in question was one of them. We lost a few of them, first sadly I more suggested he leave, as much as he wanted to play, it was to the point he was playing while traveling via busses, planes and others (he traveled alot for his daily life events he couldnt get out of) an never mentioned when these would happen. That went smooth, we were both polite and I wasnt upset with them, just upset a good player like him will have hard times with finding a table. Better ways, would have been having a blast with them to this day. The second was starting to act up, I had to shoot him down a bit hard at times, more so when a new player, a girl, joined up an he started being a bit inappropriate and not act like the character he told me he would be. After I started blocking his more chaotic antics, he pretty much ghosted the group all together. Our third player who left is more on a prolonged hiatus cause of his work schedule, but he keeps in contact. So as far as the original party goes there are only two, with the first whom replaced our enthusiastic but unable to stay with us player being 'Miss 3 1/2's'.
With most of that out of the way, I can get onto the player in question. Again, he was there from the start, only second in my player search to start this campaign. Wanting to play a neutral good paladin who grew up a simple farmers life and was on a life walk-about to enrich himself before his turn to take over the family farmlands. At the start things were bit fine, he showed a general interest to hooks that kinda developed in the intro fight, making some good goofy aspects with his character and interactions and at least at first, an interest to some of the things in the world at the time. But looking back, I did likely trust him with a bit much, the other characters likewise were very 'go with teh flow' but they liked to investigate and get into things outside the city that they were given slight hero titles to after the start of things. With him though, he did 'actively' have his character go to get the town effective 'quest board' and ask around if people needed help with things... and.. not tell the other PC's about it or try an start the missions or plots.
While in itself it wasnt 'bad' people also trusted him a bit as 'the note taker' at first, so maybe we just expected him to go into things later or something, but, this became something I was concerned of with him on it. I mentioned his own story progression aspects from the start of the game, well, when given a lead that would let him undo a poor families ailment he showed interests too with time to go at least check it.. he suddenly invented a sister for his character.. who was getting married, back in his home country, that they 'had' to visit right then an there.
He had been vague about his characters history, he may have mentioned a sister 'in passing' but nothing ever set in stone besides his Grandfather being the true head of the farm and his dad. Not even anything about his characters mother, an now suddenly he wanted to spend a week or two travel via air ship to go see a 'new fiance' on top of it. I admit, I wasn't too happy but I also didnt outright pull him to the side to talk about that. Mark against me I know.
But it kind of worked out, as because no one could do much since he was kinda blocking the group from reaching the intended quest givers that he swore he would get with (2 of the other remaining characters at the time mostly had their stuff working on things they were trying to do that wasnt too crazy but at least progressed their characters in ways). And Miss 3 1/2 wasnt sure of her character at the time so played a temp one to feel out being another class and style for a bit. It helped her bloom a little. They ended up helping another little quest idea i had for halloween, late it was, but had fun with it an great action. But do to how that took an bad dice rolls which I do no flub or such, they got sidetracked from things an had to go back to go onto a quest 3 1/2 got them to.. an he wasnt exactly actively happy or doing the quest (guard a noblewoman on a quest to one of the countries for buisness matters. Kinda.. avoided the woman in weird ways.. like trying to push the hotel cooks asideto 'show them how its done'..).
When the crew finished with it, it was with another teaser to quest lines he was kinda pinning the group with. Again unfortunately the rest were 'kinda' okay with his choice on it but they were doing a bit more to be active now so it wasnt likely to work out for long. Around this time is when 'Work Haitus' had to sadly step away, so i started to put feelers out for new players again. During this time, he was still kinda pulling back on things as best he could, but he started to show a.. interesting trait. He wanted to start 'grinding' for EXP.. without going into the literal forest where some creatures could be faught, instead, he went to the city coliseum. Now this was explained since session one, I dont give any real EXP for fights there, quit literally if you have a fun sparing match or a more rough bloody match in it against a tamed or caught creature or class person, you'll only end up with 1 xp point. I did this cause I heard of a number of stories of 'those' players showing up, going to fight pits to make themselves stronger an not bother with rp time stuff. But I also tweaked it, so you could make bets for yourself, and the boon of prize and noterity (IE, people start being more favorable to you, seek you out that sort of stuff.. which considering he had so many 'hidden to activate quests' at this point wouldnt have mattered either way). He very quickly stopped after his 2nd or so solo attempt and made a passing comment on being upset of it. I overlooked that time.
During this, the entire party collectively was sought out, as the city knew 'all of them' roughly, so no reason only someone looking to the quest board would be involved alone. They were given a new quest by a neighboring kingdom, to deal with monsters they had ties with from the start as an already active side-story plot. He kinda 'backed' a bit into doing his characters 'im off to clean the broom closet' antics during some of this.. alot.. so looking back it feels he was upset not only was he not 'in charge' of getting the quests, but that the whole party agreed to be invovled with it regardless of anything else. I did try to bring him bback in, by having that Sister and her Fiance appear to meet them since he couldnt make the meeting.
There was some .. issues.. he kinda started to instantly mistrust the fiance, he litterally used 'every' detection spell he had on them trying to sus if they were demon, enregy or otherwise. An more or less ignored the sister even when she asked him his plans on things.. an since he 'left the sibling things to me besides she pranks him maybe' he didnt seem thrilled that she was upset the 'Lord title' brother, who won plots of land in this country an was going to open, I kid you not, an 'Pizzaria Inn petting zoo pet super plant farm forge and factory' on said plot of land with 'secret super caves our befriended monster friend will terraforming for us'. Short version of the monster thing.. monster had no such ability and at best had very tiny cute versions of itself digging out the cave, one pebble at a time.. this is when i noticed he sort of 'half' listened to details given.
I will admit, I wanted to have a moment where the sister was going to become some sort of 'rival', if she couldnt find way to convince the older men who are currently running the farm that big bro might have more important things to do as 'a Lordship hero paladin' maybe its time to break 'the men run the farm' tradition. In character he was warned 'she really wants your farm, and as someone whose seen people go extremes maybe you should reach out to her so its not so bad an no bad blood has to happen'... he kinda took it that she wants him dead, sorta. Took a bit with the informer to correct it.
He .. 'kinda' tried to 'make it up to her' i think by baking her favorite pie an admittedly as a nice act gave her his holly symbol which was the family's given by grandpa to him.. no biggy as the city hade a temple of his goddess to get a replacement soo.. yeah. Honestly I did talk with him a little on it.. but this is when another aspect started being apparent.
I hadnt mentioned, but I am not a fan of no call no show specially when we had a constant schedule, he had a few, but 'did' sorta apologize, at first. We do everything discord and roll20, so when he starts to not appear i would '@' the group and then '@' via DM's, and there maybe 'weeks' to 'months' if theres nothing 'important' to talk to me about response wise. And at the start of those times he started missing alot. An also, not apologizing or saying why. He doesnt always have to I know, but given we were having fewer players, wed have sudden 'we cant plays' cause it was 2 people only..
Then, we get introduced to not one or two but three new players. I kinda worried with them being prior friends and click group but its been working out for most part. Timing for ones admittedly stunk, an their on a personal leave Im not faulting but having their character background for now. They show up, an their characters, well starting at high level for at least 2 fresh faces an one long term one is a little odd, but its been fun. They instantly get into their characters mindsets, weird quirks that fit their upbringings and own style of things, but they also work as a functional communicating and asking questions group with slight airs of 'they are not lower class but deal with both from the noble side of things' air to them. Again its worked out, given they lost a litter hard hitter the three work great.
As the plot went, they were actually being lured away by a group who they helped bust antics an get called out on it in the city, the bait was just 'oh it might be the same type of monster you guys are looking for who might eat an entire city', done via a modified memory spell on the patsy. They were lead to a campsite the badguys set up to be a kill/trap spot.. It was a bit rough with things, but the group was doing 'amazingly' well. But I had an even bigger surprise for everyone, to take our game to a new level an give a 'big' meaty plot hook to hype and put every character on an equal 'i dont know anyone around here/dont have the same resources you do' foot from how the characters went, as an idea to build their bonds.
The trap, got ambushed, by a big honken monster I teased the first players with barely into session 4 that was a corps but came back. An this thing was a beast, CR minimal 20+ an higher (i suck at figuren the maths) but yeah, it was 'not' a winnable fight they could escape from that even the badguys said 'truce till were not monster food???'
It blew apart the trap-badguys, an sent the PC's hurdling into a space that was supost to be instant death, but plot armor I intended for em saved them if only 'barely' but now, their in ' a ocean like space between the outter realm and multi realms', with faint contact by the holly characters gods saying 'theres a way back, you must return'. including to the Paladin an 3 1/2 (who is cleric).. and honestly, everyones raved to me about it.. but looking back agian, given lack of Paladins communications 'out' of his appearances in game.. he hasnt said much, unless someone else starts it..an even then its.. barely a sentence..
The players were picked up by 'friendly pirates' an have been discovering things and gaining new strengths.. least, most of them again. 3 1/2 really bounded with the new NPC's an been expanding their character (shes been very creative that way an shes really gotten into the player bug, im sooo happy i could get her into the hobby) the new players had their growths too, the full slightly higher brow noble of them has come to terms 'hes mortal an can die, but people need his strength' too, as well as 'living is hard.. their not just 'dirty' or something by chance its just the efforts of their brow' to the sorceress of his friends being delighted to be sailing the seas with quirky merman, turtle an other type pirates with treasures an jerks to kick in the seat of the pants. Even the other first player has tried new character aspects, trying to be a 'new version' of himself till an event happened (which he half told me of, but it was more workable then 'sudden sister quest').
But.. paladin has been a bit more missing an sadly we have had spotty game times cause this is when my own work schedule has been bad. An again, he never gets back or says 'oh sorry cant make it' or whatever happened. I brought up a bit ago about his passing remarks of the exp thing for this point to make, he doesnt like to have his character have much of my homebrew stuff.. despite how many treasures hes had that hes just gone 'i sell it' or 'eh if you want it take it dont want it' that has been (a) a plot starter, or (b) a pretty handy if maybe OP item, hes just passed them off even from session z where I give every player chances to pick a unique thing for their character that helps tie them to the world. He opted out of it, an through everything they have done an gathered.. hes held onto a grand total of 2 homebrew things.. a sword, that after a 'certin point' he used as his hexblade warlock focus point with his goddess also being his patron, and 'one' spell that I had to reach out to offer him, well, technically '2' spells. One that he could use to turn a mundane object into a powerful magic weapon, an a ritual spell that he needs to cast to regain uses of the other spell.
The reason this ties to the EXP block from the coliseum bit, is because as part of the ritual to regain usages, he has to create a small 'choke point' of a ritual spell ring to fight an unending horde of monsters that the spell summons to fight just him. Now, the monsters are extremely low level, like 1/4 cr, an they wont try an kill him, as the ritual ends when hes KO'ed. It took a bit before he had to properly cast it in ession (big surprise, had him recharging it on some of the missing day's of his). But when eh did, an he finished it, he did instantly ask 'how much exp to i get?' an kinda grew hushed when I said 'you.. get your six usages of your spell back?'. I.. low key wonder if he wanted to try an use it as a cheat to grind or something..
This also does not help that, just prior, 3 1/2 managed to do our 'biggest' damage in a single round during a hord fight, literally between her spells an a new weapon with some seriously amazing rolls, did over 200 hp of damage on her own. To the point she KO'ed the boss monster leader. granted it was with a smart play and some literal crit hits, but thats when his vibe for games started kinda feeling off big time. An come now, to the more recent events before the kick..
I had a rare day off i could have a game completely unhindered, an we agreed to all have it.. sadly starter 2 forgot the US has Daylights saving, so we did loose an hour for him getten outta work. Eh it happens. An sadly the new 3 didnt get to join in so it was an agreed on one shot. Well, that 'was' the idea..
When we started.. when we 'could' have started, I gave them the quick plot of how they got to this place (this all happened just before the event with the pirates so they had their stuff but meta'ed they were still their current levels). Now, Im loose with my own OS's, so I used a module i bought that looked fun an it was interesting. I did have to build a bunch of rough doubles of the maps, since turns out the PDF didnt want to let me get the pics right at the time, so wasnt focusing too much on some details but for key point ones. Its important for later. But anwyay after the basic 'you did a hero thing an was invited to a small isle city by its noble ruler who has big parties every week an your the guests of honor', you know the usual kinda crud. Well i started to get into the start of it, about to go to details of the maps location.. when he, stopped me an blocked me to go 'oh i climb the building or whatever to get that gun!'.....there was unfortunately an image of a gun on the part of the token i used to build the maps clocktower..didnt notice it.. he sure did.. an kinda derailed me a bit more..reminder, we were an hour late into session.
I managed to get back on track, the security at the start of the party line stoppen the crew an saying 'sorry its a costume party, dont worry we always have spares, pick one' an they got to pick a set of masks for themselves. They rolled to take turns, he got first dibs, an picked one he 'really liked', but I do kinda wonder cause my tag name relates to what it was.. Well, I sent them the screenshot of the masks an their effects as an item/equip card... he started to.. get sour sounding.
In prior in between an pre game times, hes mentioned hes.. not exactly a fan of alot of stuff. Even some of the oldest movies an comics that are still being made now an are big on fandoms, hes got zero interests or cares for.. an on troupes, he is not big on mysteries. An sadly, the mask gave him an ability thats great in discovering secrets...
Well, I started to bring one of the moduels NPC's to start pointing out details, give them some hook bits an background to what goes on normally in the city... and.. he used that one use ability to check if she liked her mask.. literally stepping the entire conversation, then walked away to break into that clocktower.. that had the guns on it..
3 1/2 an second 1'st decided 'lets try an get on with the actual story regardless' an tried to go to the party which they did, trying to get him to come with too, crossing the small castle bridge to get to there an start mingling as they do.. paladin did 'eventually'.. but first he shimmied the bridge to use up his stealth abilities from the mask... then when 3 1/2 noticed, tried to get him to come in, he... started climbing to the top of the castle wall..
His character, never acted like this, in any OS we had before or in game before. Second 1'st did do a little weird, but it was stuff his character was infamous for, but not good for the long run. I admit.. I lost my cool, I didnt shout, yell, or otherwise.. but at this point, from when we 'late started', to paladins 3'rd athletic roll to scale the building he was invited for, we had lost over 2 hours of our usual session time an it was very apparent he was really not going to act like the character we were accustomed to.. so I said, 'sorry guys, see you next time'.. admittedly, I did kinda vent in our group chat text wise.. I was pretty upset an tired i cant lie on this, i had spent very early hours on the maps an looking over to familair most of the thing as best i could while having lack of sleep beforehand. But, I basically just said, if you dont feel up to a game please just say so cause putting all that time en effort for even a one shot was time an tiring thing an just frankly kinda rude antics for no reason just hurt.... didnt use cures or otherwise but that was about it..
It did help that, the group reached out to me about it, even both our Hiatus ones.. everyone but Paladin who kinda went back to basic no coms with me pretty much like norm.. he kinda missed a few more sessions between then to now.. so lets get to what became the last straws of the DM..
So, in the 'undersea' places, the crew realized that, the party had something they could use with their nations rulers to try an breach peace with the races that was locking everyone up in this space between the multiverse, to escape some big dangers thats happening here. This thing was second 1'sts 'tie in starting choice' i gave the first party options too an hes loved ever since, giving his character a level of importance. Of course there is the risk the guys could go 'we dont need 'them' for just 'that'. but thankfully its the nicer space sea folks side so thankfully its all negotiations. I rolled beforehand to see what outcome would happen.. not the best roll but it was one with surprising good results but the meeting was postponed with the intended target cause.. well the system got fragged as they sent the unintended invite back to the outer realms and their time slot to reach out to there was lost. So the party an the friendly pirate captain npc buddy was told 'come back in several months well try again'. The captain was telling the leaders 'oh sure no problem' while giving a 'if we dont find you guys a way back to your side of the world to stop that big bad monster for good first 'wink' to them..
An paladin.. confronted an tried telling the nation guys the details in a... weird way. I really dont know how to explain how he said it it still sounds weird to me. But he basically wanted too.. convince the nation that 'the party' could end all their troubles.. against a hord of demons an undeads effectively 'not understanding' the monster that threw them here was not one of the creatures in question. Which even after i pointed out 'if he couldnt do more than 13 points of damage to that thing, how would he think he can beat the monster he 'thinks' made it?'... which on that matter, he was told multiple times it wasnt.
Well, the rest of the gang tried to talk reason to him, even pull him aaway.. an i had made split choice of the captain decided to put a 'command bracelet' on him, effectively 'if you fight the order given you get zapped an paralyzed'. telling him 'please stop an lets talk about this somewhere 'safe'... because the party and them werent safe..
People in the sea space place, dont like people 'from their side' not that any survive coming down to there. Again, they survived via their plot armor's they dont even fully get yet. With the leadership litterally saying to him before the captain dragged him to the doors a bit 'let them hang for all we care'...
Well, paladin passed the check against the paralyze effect (again, i give honest rolls unless absolutely necessary which i dont like doing..) an.. he had his character chop his hand off, use every will save till he passed the players spells an use his tp abilities to get out of any grapple an ran into the building to more or less brow beat the leaders into listening to him...I made a choice as the captain npc... an ran for the ship to get the heck out before his crew would be arrested an maybe killed for hiding the PC's, an the other PC's likewise, ran for the hills too with them saying 'your mad if you do this'..
That is where that session ended, he made a passing comment 'guess ill reroll a character for the time being'... an he never showed up for the following one despite knowing 3 weeks in advance..though it turns out he 'did' roll stats for a character after I left the chat an roll20... an 'then' designed his character... which at first i was iffy but gave him a sheet to fill in to go ahead an start worken it, not knowing he had pre existing stat rolls for it or clearing that with me.. something I dont like..
Well, cant say i fault him for not knowing this, none of them did.. but there was a planned event for the city they were in. After the 'meeting the outsiders' event, they were going to be there during a siege by the monsters the leaders were worried about. I had the mechanics that, theyd get swarmed by mooks they could likely kill in a round or two at worst with a few higher level front line commanders thrown in, for each one of these theyd get a -5 to around -15 against a d100 roll (which I infamously roll low on all the time) on how much the city gets damaged up (multiple of the results for fyi), where either (a) they would stand their grounds just enough to cause the enemy to tempt pull back from the current onslaught, (b) the do enough damage an pull back gettin more then they need for now (long story) or (c) the party retreats for the time trying to pick up some survives they could fit on the ship an get the heck out as the city is torn up...
Instead.. I roll flat 3d100's as the party 'just' avoided the guards an lockdown.. which didnt add any bonses for the city guards chance to prep ships an counter attackk.. of the three, 2 in the ninties, one over fifty.. the city was whiped out.. I was 'devastated' that now i may have put the paladins character in a state he was just outright mamed and couldnt even give his player a 'last hura an fade to black'...because they never showed up or said anything...
I had to take a day or two before i sent the news to him, i did kinda phrase it a little angerly but i was 'where were you what happend'?... no response the entire week, right up to our next game session with nothing being done to that character sheet i gave him for a month..
And then came to our last bit of communication.. one hour before we started, he wanted to ask me about his character creation thing.. he stuck with the class i was iffy on to begin with but he.. went with a completely different class, an frankly he was maxing out the stats on the class too..
I confronted him since at least then he was 'finally' speaking to me. He was giving me the 'he would have convince them' speach of his characters plans.. I was just getting more confused by some of his responses of what that even was. The 'misunderstandings' of his character of what things are going on, why he did an extrem like 'why would he cut his hand off' an then he admitted no matter what, his character was going to leave. All on the fact his 'Paladin Alignment as Lawful good' wouldnt let him 'let a bunch of people die in the city'... his character has pulled back from fights an stuff before, while yeah if he saw a fight he would totally try an defend someone if need be, but, the abandon the party thinking they were doing wrong, knowing that the plan the group would be involved with after the outsider meeting, was to go search for things that might power them all up enough to be on the same playing field as the monster that beat them, or event he ones attacking the undersea side.. He even made a passing comment 'yeah i know they all talked about it for an hour'.. when.. he caused the conversation to las tthe hour by having them repeat it different ways several times.. something he also did alot im afraid when the quest was not one he started/invested in specifically of himself (the starting foot of it happened to one of the new players an 3 1/2 while he was on one of his missing days again).
He made a slight passing comment about me jus killing off his character an how they were acting as a 'what if someone wanted to play something else' .. which i did ask 'did you want to play something new why didnt you just ask?' to which.. he kinda ignored an went on. It was roughly at this time that he said he was trying to focus on his wizard spell list that i clicked to he was playing a new type of character all together.. one he admitted he wanted to play as 'weird and kinda crazy'.. it honestly sent chills to me given his 'sane' character did something extreme out of the blue for no reason an would never had done before was a bad sign what he considers 'slightly weird/crazy' would be.. but i was further made up set he made up a character only 'after' getting rolls he didnt get clearance from me with beforehand. I asked if this was the case which he confirmed and simply asked 'what want me to do point buy instead?'... an thats when I said i dont think he was set for my game again.. most so since all this all he focused on, again, an hour before game time, was only the basic mechanics an nothing else (given my honest mistrust of him springing something on me on this point with the sister visit 'quest').
I had literally given him my reasons, told him didn tlike how many red flags hes pulled lately. Including our game communities famed words by players who do things that tend to do things that.. kinda make things weird or bad or start to trail from how they start as.. When he first started missing the bulk of sessions, an losing plot interest, was when he 'lost his notes'. Then an most infamous last appearance, literally last bits hes said when he decided to have his character leave (which in hindsight i think he may have just wanted but again.. pardon me for guessing since he never communicated) 'Its what my character would do' when he had him cut his hand off.. Then during our conversation when i was trying to figure out what the heck was all that an what happend he said 'because my lawful good paladin couldnt let that under his oath'... his 'netual good' character whose hidden monsters under his house, stolen from a school of magic, made friends with an had sight powers from a devil an a few other shady things to say the least...so he was plannen or taking that his character should have a diff alignment without communing with me on it..who knows ont hat one..
I honestly did my usual, 'i dont think this game is for you' exit speech... an he said 'dont bs me with this over polite crap' an tried to make me say 'i want you gone'.. he was more or less animate on the specifics of the words.. and I think i know why..
Because, the players have a private text chat, not that hes much on there himself unless his character name is mentioned multiple times, but they do have it for funnies an stuff between em. I dont mind it, but.. at some point when I officially announced I'd be removing the player in our whole group chat.. he sent a very cropped two lines that was the tail end of us with me saying him in the groups not looken good, but told them 'i shouldnt be contacted about this'..
Tooo bad for him, I screenshot everything big like this. An further bad for him, the new guys an me talk alot too, like constant, and he forgot, 3 1/2 are friends for over a decade. 3 1/2 told me that... so i reached out to the rest of the group, shared the entire thing with them on the spot, saying 'i am sorry, its been bad with all these points' (i mention in here better more details after all, given how it was an hour of getting heated an trying to get him to tell me what his game plan is or anything else if need be given everything else sounded like he was flipping between wanting to be something new or... again i can only speculate since he just went offensive/defenses with no explanations or stuff to understand him the player). an sent them the entire conversation the two of us had as a screenshot.
While I was polite an just saying 'dont think the games for you' which yeah is a little over gentle.. after i pointed out one of them mentioned with a tiny screenshot of only me saying 'you should go' an the 'dont talk to me about it'. He honestly said 'i told them they shouldnt bother with it' like they should have just listened to him on the get go...an that 'he' would send it.. told him I already had. And for that level of honestly kinda manipulative tactic, both trying to isolate the party from me and only showing the 'closest' he would have of me saying 'i want you gone' comment, which he had stressed for a bout a minute i should 'say' in our private chat, i cant help but wonder if he was seriously trying to poison the well between me and the others.. an then said he would 'show them the whole conversation.... well he kinda got super silent with the private group and to me when i said 'i already sent the whole. I told him, good luck an goodbye, an then removed him from my DND group.. he suddenly for the first time in 2 years 'went offline', on my notice thing, so i think he made himself invisible but at first i thought he blocked me.. made a passing comment to test, but he went 'no' an was suddenly fully online an back to his MMO's that he 'usually' played too much an overslept some of our early day games on... not surprising..
The rest of the party were.. thankfully understanding, 3 1/2 suggested we didnt play but i pressed on but we did kinda vent.. helped one of the experienced newby of the three was a dm, an said 'hey its what you feel too, if he was making you feel uncomfortable at the table with that, your alright to feel it an remove him' which helped too..
But part of me does have to have that nagging feel since, he is the 'first' true kick i have done. ALl my other possible problem players ghost themselves from my games an he had been in for 2 years.. not that we done much since we are nearly at our 100'th session an only 'now' getting to the possible tea of the world i have been sitting on for 3 years since started working on the campaign over it. I left it openf or them to discover, an things started to click when the new guys came in an started being able to 'take lead' a bit on group choices.. not waiting for the paladin to lead them.. but.
of course, communication is '2 way street' i know, I said he didnt talk to me on things but likewise maybe i shoulda been more active reaching to him. To a point I tried, but, unless it was 'hey want a new power or something' ...he didnt respond back much. Again we had not much on similar things an it feel slike he was cluing in that many of my influences was from comics, movies games an anime that even if he was into the fandoms of, he didnt know alot as I have a broad and little known spectrum of series. Maybe a bit of it was lill mix of we didnt upfront what we expected, but also disinterests... but I do know at least 2 of his fave games.. tha has owning land, getting bonus in some way from that, an thats that.. an some other aspects, kinda in hindsight were what he wanted/expected for his character at times.
Again, my thing is full homebrew, an always say 'hey if you find something you like, lemme know an see maybe we can toss it in.', sadly some of the gang dont take that up too much, but the new players have lately an its been fun. He did at first 'start' suggesting something.. but with no set things, so when i brought up things that we can do for it he kinda.. shot em down, like not say full on no but.. just went silent.
In the end, Im upset with myself over not confronting the problem a bit more 'first', but i guess i just started to let him just 'be silent all the time is fine the problem goes away' as much as he did it when i reached out to him. Hell if he stepped away for a bit, sadly perfect since his first character might be KO'ed, i may have taken him back if he just said 'been dealing with things' or 'wanted to be something new' or, 'can i try something crazy'.. but in the end he only wanted me to respond in the moment to what he came up without double checking things an it can happen so sparatically, so 'railroady' for me an the other players I just cant anymore. An knowing hell honestly try an manipulate my words behind my back to the rest of the players.. yeah Im not trusting that player at any of my games ever again and wont ever trust one like that... but I hope it doesnt turn to that for just that factor an not because of other reasons that can be avoided...
Anyone who reads, thanks for your time. If you got tips or mindsets to consider for me here, like to help get them like a mindworm to maybe help me over things, given how my head is still lill swimmen on it both emotionally an thoughts. I guess maybe im looking to see if I was valid (I know for my 'mental health' i was, but want to know its not just my own head thinking it an maybe cases like this is at least partly justified). An hey, if you ever had a sitch like this, lemme hear how ya felt too, never helps bottling it in. Just typing this at first as a note to myself before it showed up anywhere helped me clear my head a fair bit, so theres always getting the words out there wither someone's ear or eyes take it is a nice way to get the happy feels in. Next order buisness to feel better... getten to those cursed die rolls (come on Dice Gods treat me an my players failry, ah dangit another 1! I thought i blotted it out!)

Were there any exclamation marks used in the original bible from its original writing between 33-350ad compared to modern translations?
Just a thought I’m curious about because I thought ancient languages/writing didn’t have any type of exclamation mark ❗️ back then and that it was more or so a few centuries old in language and stuff.
If not or so would you see some bible verses using the exclamation mark any different?

!!Long Post!!
Unsure if I should post this here or not.. but haven't been able to share this, and I don't know if it's a common occurance or not.
I have always had interesting dreams. Dreams that have happened later in life, dreams of saying goodbye to loved ones and waking up to them dead. Nightmares about things attacking me in the room I stayed and being woken up at 3:33 a.m as the 8 hour music I had playing was somehow paused at 3:33:33.
Yet by far, the most interesting dreams I have had was with a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes.
There is only 6 dreams I know he was in. All spread out through the years, but I always knew it was him when I woke up.
The first dream I had was in 7th grade. In the dream I was walking around this amusement park in the town I resided in, and it was empty. The only people there was me, and this tall blonde haired blue eyed boy.
At first I thought it was my crush at the time, but realized that 1, My crush didn't have that light skin tone and hair color, and 2, this was the first time I have ever seen a person's face in my dream so vividly, and it 100% was not my crush at the time.
Anyways, I am walking around the fairgrounds with this boy, and we decided to go on the fairis wheel. Upon getting on, I felt the anxiousness I always do while on those wheels, and felt the boy grab my hand. He then says to me "Thank you for going on this date with me. I hope we meet again." And shortly after I woke up.
I don't remember the dream I had with him after that one, I just remembered that I saw a familiar face which was his. I never thought too much of it at the time, because I was in 7th-8th grade during those two dreams. Yet all I do know is that I can instantly recognize his face, and I feel a calm and warm presence whenever he is around. (Makes me wonder if I had any other dreams with him that I can't remember.)
A side note, people normally have dreams and see people they know in them, but for me, if it's a dream and it's with someone I know, the person always has a weird alteration to their appearance, like if you were looking at an AI generated photo. For the boy, he looked real, never in my life have I seen him but nothing about him looked like the normal dream people I've seen all my life. (The only exceptions were the loved ones saying goodbye, I saw their faces clearly aswell.)
Anyways, the next dream I had with him, it was a silly one. I was leaving school after gym class and waiting for my grandma to pick me up. I was for some reason pulling up my sweat pants and trying to hide in them?? A voice from beside the bench makes me stop and I turn to see that familiar face again, and I just stared, almost like I was about to realize I was not in a dream in that moment.
Then I felt if my attention was getting pulled away from the boy, and I quickly get forced into looking at my grandma driving up in her car. Once I felt like I could move on my own again, I look back to the boy and see that he is gone. I was a Junior in highschool.
Now, we are getting into the weirder dreams with him. In this dream I was training to be a survivor in the zombie apocalypse. It had not started yet, but me and a bunch of people were testing in an underground place to see who would get released into the apocalypse with the better gear. After all the testing, no one scored above the top 50, so when we were about to get released into the world, we had to stand 50 feet away from the exit.
Soon the zombie fog(fog that turns people into zombies) started arriving. After about 50 seconds of waiting for our turn to grab the supplies and run, I book it outside, meeting a random group of survivors and that was the end of it.. until I woke up, and went back to sleep. When I went back to sleep, I felt as if everything I had just went through in the dream was re-winded and I was back in the testing room. Yet this time I was fully lucid.
I took advantage of this and made sure to ace the test, since it seemed unless you were lucid you'd be stuck with the rest of the group, which I was wanting to avoid this time around. After the test we went into a waiting room area, and I was talking to this random Korean man, and he and I were just chatting and I made a joke saying "if you are real add my Instagram" and he said bet, (he never added me on Instagram lol) but after I did that, I felt my body move on its own. I was still fully aware it was a dream, but I felt like something was moving me. And I was moved in front of this person, I didn't get to see what they looked like but a sense of familiarity overcame me.
The test was then calculated, and I was the only one who went in the first place, so it was me, a bunch of empty space, and everyone else... that is what I thought until I saw a blonde boy tied in first place with me. In my head I was baffled, because only a person aware it was a dream would have made it to the top.. so why was he there?
We get released back outside, me and the blonde the first ones out of course. I follow this motorcycle dude, to a hilltop (he was in the group I made in the first part of the dream)and for some reason the blonde boy was following us aswell and as the zombie fog got closer and closer, we were forced to jump off the cliff and hide under the water. While in the water, I felt the fog brushing against my back, it felt so real. I then gained the courage to breathe while under the water, realizing I was in a dream and I couldn't drown.
Once the fog was gone, I instantly realized who the blonde haired boy was. I quickly stand up, and so does the other two. I force my attention on the boy, and he looks straight at me as well, and I locked eyes with his blue ones. "Why are you always in my dreams?" I asked.
He looks at me confused, "No, your the one always in my dreams!" Instantly I felt myself forget I was in a dream, and my attention was forced to look at a zombie, I was no longer lucid for some reason.. and the boy disappeared from my dream after that.
The next dream happened 2 days after that one. I was in a normal dream, or nightmare I assume. This grudge lady was dragging me down the hall, over and over again. The lights turning off behind her, as I faced watching all of it happened. Yet before she could turn the corner, she woulds stop, and there would be a figure in the corner of the hall we came from watching us.
This dream repeated that same scene over and over again. I would switch places with the person on the corner of the hall, watching them get dragged down it, and they would watch me do the same. After about what felt like an hour, the person who was being dragged looked at me and spoke, "I'm getting tired of this dream, aren't you?" And I instantly woke up. Yet I wanted to go back to sleep, which I did.
So I went to sleep, and it looked like I was playing omegle in the dream I was dreaming, but it kept making me wake up, and I'd force myself to sleep again, each time this happened, the scene would change, and I noticed that I was on a tablet, and as I kept waking up and going back to sleep, I felt as if my attention was slowly getting away from the tablet, like I was pulling away from the suction. As this kept happening, I was still waking up and going back to sleep.
Soon a guy with brown hair and a black suit and top hat appeared, and he was mocking me for waking up and going back to sleep, saying "Why don't you just stay asleep? Or maybe just wake up huh?" I ignored the man and kept waking up and sleeping again, I was almost out of the suction, I could see the edge of the tablet. Soon, a white being appeared, he looked like a child, but had white hair, pale white skin, and a white suit. He was asking if I was ok, if I was stressing out, he told me to just wake up. I ignored him aswell.
I woke up one last time, and as I went back to sleep I finally was able to pull away from the tablet. Instantly I was lucid, and I saw that i was in a warehouse, around me were thousands and thousands of grayed out people who's attentions were all on their tablets, I looked at the few around me and realized that each one was a different dream. I look up to see how far the warehouse was another person standing up. Once they stood up a alarm went off and I found myself in the middle of a lobby of some sorts, it was like all the games you've ever seen or played meshed into on lobby.
There were people walking around, like a busy new York street. I felt confused, but I just casually started exploring the area. A intercom voice echos through the lobby saying "turn on the protocol, two are aware, two are aware."
Instantly all of the people's heads turned into emoticons, and it made me realize that they were just random NPC's. I continue to walk around when the white being from earlier came over to me and grabbed my shoulders. I could physically feel this, and it freaked me out. The white being had a worried expression and asked me, "What are you doing here? Why didn't you wake up! You need to wake up."
I shrug and try to wake up but it didn't work. So the being sighs and tells me he has to bring me to the safe house before the other one finds me. So we jump across the crossy road and make our way to the minecraft safe house. As we got closer, the white being drags me to hide between the graying out border and some bushes. In the safe house was the brunette guy in a top hat from earlier. He was speaking in a random hanging microphone, "I got eyes on the blonde boy, find the brunette girl, find the brunette girl."
The white being then turns to me, and grabs my shoulders again, he looks me dead in the eyes and says, "You need to wake up. Right. Now."
I then woke up, and was unable to fall back asleep for another 30ish hours. I told my mom about the dream, and she suggested that this blonde boy was someone sharing dreams with me, but I didn't really think much of it. That was before I turned 18, after highschool.
The last dream I remember with him was a year ago, in the dream I had to move back in with my dad, and I was attending a school like Hogwarts, but you could go home or something. It was weird because I was an adult in the dream so why did I have to go to school?
Anyways, my dad sells me off to get married to this random guy. And I am forced to live in their luxury house. Yet I never meet the guy, (I am not lucid in the dream so I was very compliant). After weeks of not meeting this guy, a boy in a dres shirt and suit vest comes inside of the home. His hair was blonde and swoopy, and he had the brightest blue eyes. For some reason I felt enamored with him.
The scene quickly changed, and I am in a Applebee's with my older brother and this boy. My older brother was juggling rings made out of fire, and he flings one in the air like a coin and catches it. "You two should just get married." He says, and I turn to the boy, feeling almost in love. Yet the boy was smiling, he gave me an awkward or sad smile before the scene changed again.
We were walking to the flying cars to go to school, and he quickly grabs my hand. "Remember that time we met, and went on the fairis wheel?" He starts, "or that time your grandma picked you up, or the time we ran from zombies?" He was reminding me of all the dreams we shared, but I just stared at him confused, for I didn't remember it in the dream. Then things started to click in my mind. As they started to click in my mind a name quietly echoes in my brain, it got louder and louder until I couldn't bare it anymore. Yet once it clicked, I looked at the boy, lucid for one split second.. his name was Harrison.
Suddenly I was being forced back into the dream, the moon was aparrently crashing into earth, causing Co2 fumes into the air, and it was going to hit Chicago?? Before anything else could happen I felt a pair of hands grab me, and I look over at the boy named Harrison one last time. He says to me, "I will find you."
Then I wake up.
Now idk if this is anything, but it sure as hell is interesting. I've been convincing myself it's just my imagination, but the fact some of my friends have said they shared a dream recently with a blonde boy, sometime refering or asking about me. My older brother recently told me he did have a dream(he never dreams) that he was juggling rings that were hot to the touch, and saw a blonde boy next to him and me across from him. Yet before he flung the ring in the air he said "you two should stop whatever this is that your doing." In his dream.
BUT I don't know if people are just messing with me. So that's that. Thank you for reading, sorry if it was boring and sorry it was so long haha....
HARRISON IF YOUR OUT THERE WHY TF ARE YOU IN MY DREAMS!!

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When I was a young girl growing up in Mormonism, I was very musically inclined. (Still am) My dad would sit down at the piano and we'd sing hymns and Disney songs to entertain the church members who would join us for big dinner parties every Sunday.
One of my favorite songs to sing with my dad was "God Help The Outcasts" from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame. I sang it with this idea in my mind that it was a song about praying to god and asking for help. The part of the song where the church-goers are saying their personal prayers about temporal wants seemed to me like an example of what not to ask god for.
One night, a new convert joined us for one of our parties. I sang the song and to my surprise she started sobbing. She wasn't crying loudly, but for some reason I couldn't understand why she reacted this way. I pushed it off as "oh, she must be feeling the holy ghost." I can't make assumptions about what she was thinking and feeling, even now. But, I relate to her more than ever because whenever I listen to this song again, I cry as well.
Now that I am out of the church, I have processed my anger (although still processing everything else) the song hits me with an emotional wrecking ball of pain. The first verse opens so strongly:
"I don't know if you can hear me Or if you're even there I don't know if you would listen to a gypsy's prayer Yes, I know I'm just an outcast I shouldn't speak to you Still I see your face and wonder Were you once an outcast too?"
I'll let those lyrics speak for themselves, I am sure all of you will understand what I mean when I say I feel that first verse as if someone had been listening to my mind.
That verse where the congregation is singing their personal prayers asking for wealth, fame, angel protection, love, and glory no longer feels like an example of what not to ask god for. It feels like I am listening to the Mormons I grew up with begging god to fulfill their lives in the ways we have been told that he will. As the choir in this song grows louder and more powerful, it reminds me of the voice of the Tabernacle Choir. I imagine myself standing in front of them in that forsaken general conference meeting place, listening one last time.
As the song finally comes close to an end, those last few words hurt the most. I am reminded of every Sunday in primary, singing I Am a Child of God as she sings,
"I thought we all were children of God. God help the outcasts, children of God."
I come back to that imagination, now taking a look at everything in that conference center, and I picture myself walking away for good.
God help the outcasts, children of God.
here's my favorite version if anyone wants to listen https://youtu.be/JE5MahcaYow?si=mx3DBXfbaTtdREZV

Hello, I 28(M) left my girlfriend 23(F) without ever saying goodbye on the second time. This sounds cold and evil but I wasn't in a good place mentally at the time.
TLDR: I'm autistic and I wanted to be like a normal man in a relationship but it ended up being the worst few years of my life to the point of almost no return. I've been permanently changed by this relationship despite now being free.
I got with my ex during COVID through an app and I never thought I'd ever be in a relationship but we gelled together well... So I thought. During COVID the friends I had slowly faded away and I found myself focusing my social life on my ex more and more. After COVID settled down we moved in together and it was like an amazing dream. See, I'm autistic and have social anxiety so I never thought I'd experience any of this life style and be 'normal'.
I changed jobs at the same time for easier commute and as a bonus it had a higher salary. My ex also changed jobs to become full time to support the payments for bills but also to be within walking distance from our apartment. We started with an empty apartment and over time filled it to mostly my ex's taste as I had no idea what interior design to go for. I just cared about having a place of my own with my then girlfriend.
7 months go by... It all seemed well on the surface but there was an underlying problem within myself that was starting to grow. I missed my family a lot and this apartment we moved into was a long drive away. However, my ex's family was only 10 minutes max and we would visit them a lot each week. At best I'd see my family twice a month. Additionally, the friends I had made before COVID had stopped talking to me and all I had in my head was that they only talked to me because they wanted something out of me.
Another month goes by and I drive my family and my ex to a lovely place to celebrate my mom's birthday. On the very first night, we fall asleep in a luxurious bed when I'm awoken to talking. I woke up but didn't move a muscle and could hear my ex talking. I thought maybe she is sleep talking... I turn my head and nope. She has earphones in and her phone is lighting up the room. I can't see the screen but I listen for a minute before I started to have a panic attack. I realised during the entire relationship she had been cheating on me and using me just to pay half the bills. My whole body started shaking violently and I couldn't stop it for at least 10 minutes.
I was stuck in the middle of no where and I had to pretend to my whole family that every thing was fine, including to my ex. I proceeded to have daily panic attacks in the toilet and would blame my bowels for how long I was gone. This became more frequent as the months went by... You might be like... Months? Why didn't you leave her as soon as you got back?
Well, as stupid as this is. I just wanted to look normal for once. All my life I had been physically and emotionally bullied. I now also had been isolated to the point of all socialisation being my ex as I had now started to work from home due to her manipulation. I no longer left the apartment. I no longer enjoyed any of the hobbies I did have. The only weird joy I had was my ex when she rewarded me and that would soon fade as she became more emotionally and financially abusive. I would get screamed at for not doing basic things or buying something for myself and not saving it for her.
I could feel myself being like an onio, slowly peeled away, layer by layer. I had lost all of my personality and identity. I hadn't seen any of my family for months.
I remember having to beg whilst on my knees to my ex to see my family for Christmas and how she tried to say I didn't love her for seeing them and not being with her and her family on Christmas. That's despite my family losing a close family member a few days beforehand...
I seriously feel ashamed that I went to this low point in my life. The pursuit of being a normal person in a relationship had crumbled my existence to essentially being a robot for my ex to control how ever she wanted.
I had put on 50lb of fat within the few months of not seeing my family. I still remember the look on my mom's face when she saw me, I could see she was looking at a shell without anything inside it. Meanwhile, my ex had been posting weekly status updates about how much we love each other and how she can't wait to marry me.
Every day after Christmas, I would sneak out and stand on the bridge nearby, hoping someone or something would push me off it. Every single time, I would take too long and have to go back to her as she would start to question what I'm doing.
A week goes by and I get a random call from my mom telling me I should come see her when my ex is at work. My mom helps to plan my... Escape.. yeah I know wtf it's not a prison, just leave. As dumb as this sounds it felt like I had no option but to stay with her or else my life would be hell.
My mom helps me leave a week after new years. I leave and pack most of my things, but I stupidly go back a few days later to say goodbye. Well she manipulates me using her methods of control and a week later, I move back in with her. My mom later said to me that she thought she'd never see her real son again.
I'm back with her and all of a sudden it's like when we first met, she's a completely different person and I start to feel less empty and actually smile for once. A few months go by and I noticed she was being very protective over her phone. Now you might be like, well duh she was cheating on you beforehand. What's the problem now? Well the one tactic she used for me getting back with her was the fact she'd delete her old accounts and just add her closest friends.
Unfortunately, I am not good with social media so I had no idea what you can do to get away with things so I stupidly trusted her. Additionally, she no longer showed any signs of being untrust worthy during these few months. That was until she accidentally sent me a nude whilst I was at work which she never sent nudes to me. This was the moment I knew I fucked up, especially since I had moved back in with her and already signed a year contract for rent.
I didn't want to worry my parents financially as they were struggling themselves and I couldn't get a job elsewhere as I couldn't go for interviews without my ex realising I was going to leave her again. Months went by where I would plan my eventual end to no avail. She got so confident at cheating she'd do it whilst I was asleep and I just accepted it as I knew my situation would get insanely worse.
The tipping point comes as the year rent ends and I'm hospitalised due to bowel pain but it's actually just panic attacks. I remember my ex being so angry that she had to wait hours in the hospital for me to get out as she wanted to play a game with her friend.
This is when I realise I'm in danger if anything happens to me, she might not tell my family and I'll simply fade away into nothing.
A month goes by and I plan my second escape but it fails as she unexpectedly comes home from work so I delay it by a week. During that week she gets more physical and aggressive, I think she sensed something. I tried to not show her any hints of my escape plan. Just be normal I said to myself every second I spent with her. The day before I leave, she leaves for half a day and accidentally sends a picture to me with another man in a car. Whilst she told me it was her best friend who's not male picking her up.
For some reason, I decided to walk to the spot they were at. Bearing in mind it's evening and had gotten dark. I look down at the car with them inside and something tells me I should just jump off the nearby cliff but out of sheer luck a dog walker comes by and talks to me for a few minutes. I look down and noticed their car had disappeared so I ran back to the apartment and quickly got into bed pretending to be asleep. She arrived shortly afterwards and started to shout at me. I survive the night, she goes to work and I pack like crazy and finally escape the hell that I was in.
It's been almost two years and I have lost a lot of weight since, my mind isn't healed but I'm not in that prison with her. I've lost family members since due to health issues so I don't have many people left in my life. I will admit I'm scared for when my parents die as I'll have no one to talk to daily. I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship again and I think I've accepted that.
Fuck.... this is a long wall of text sorry people and I've left a lot out that's too bad to say. I just had to write some of this down I guess. I have no friends to talk to about this.
If you actually read all this, I'm sorry, I hope I don't bring down your day. What got me through it was my mom, please tell someone close to you that you love them as you never know what is around the corner.