I have no sense of shame and I think it’s effected my sense of right and wrong.
I was in my family trailer (my family has a camper at the lake and I sleep there when I can cause I’m too young to have a camper of my own). One day I was staying there alone for the weekend cause yet I am young enough to not own my own camper I am old enough to stay there alone and I came across something… I had never seen this in person before. I’m not sheltered so I know what lube looks like. Issue is it was flavoured lube. I had never used lube let alone flavoured lube. So what did I do? I tasted my dads lube. I hate myself. I have no shame.

I want to develop a character who has DID derived from PTSD, which in turn arose from a four-day period of suffering different atrocities. The character has no explicit memories of this four-day period, but their subconscious locks it away to avoid the pain of trauma and develops disorders as a defense mechanism. In addition to the mentioned disorders, the character has developed a refusal to eat food due to an apparently irrational line of thought and sensation that if they eat, they would be hypocritical for something, and therefore, more guilty. The character has 5 personalities. So far, I've only been able to conceptualize 3: the assistant, the machine, and the monster.
The monster is the murderous and harmful personality. It's what the character most instinctively tries to avoid manifesting, even if they don't know exactly why. It's the embodiment of their potential evil, and its appearances are always accompanied by tension and suspense. Even if not actually manifested (or is it?), the mere fact of appearing in nightmares and hallucinations already triggers panic attacks in the character. This is the most mysterious personality because the character has doubts about the nature of this personality that doesn't offer many explanations beyond the simple fact that it knows everything about him and is playing and affecting him; Is it a personality or a distinct demon? Is it a delusion or is it real? Is it himself or a separate being pretending to be him to scare him? Is it capable of killing the personalities, and if so, why doesn't it do it immediately instead of leaving the personalities unharmed? Why psychologically torture him if the function of fragmented personalities is to help in self-preservation? If it's real, why does it let him escape at the end of its ''games''? This personality (or not) is physically the largest, the most technological, the most inhuman, and presents more feats of strength despite appearing less, all geared towards psychological torture mainly, a literal kind of haunting like Pennywise's. It wreaks psychological havoc on the character in each of its personalities, and the most sensitive one, which is the one the other personalities most try to avoid being impacted by the monster, is the assistant personality, the personality that personifies human essence and, being based on the Superego and Ego and reflecting the distant past spent with his deceased good mother whose values were transmitted in his childhood and adolescence, is the personality that tries to maintain order, predominate, and reunite the fragmented personalities, although this self-imposed role is not easy and it is difficult to deal with the fear of what could happen if people found out that he and the other four 'people' are actually the same person who has DID; it is difficult to represent order while his other parts are more inclined to chaos and there is no direct interaction between the personalities. The assistant personality has blindness, whose degree varies depending nuancemente on the external and internal security situation it feels, but is always present because it results from an unresolved trauma. Glasses are used, the only one who does this. Blindness is more present in the assistant personality and less manifested in the other personalities because they are more detached from humanity. The assistant personality is the most divergent from what the character was before DID. Its form is more human, shorter, and less cybernetic, precisely because it reflects a distant period from the current one of the character. (A side note: the character is, in a way, a shapeshifter, so its personalities have a distinct form, some more similar to each other and others less similar, and vice versa. The metamorphosis is restricted to the forms the character has already had in its life and afterlife, and those forms it did not have are a more adapted version of the personality concept). The assistant is the most sensitive personality and the one that most tries to be virtuous, and because of these characteristics, it is the most vulnerable to the monster.
The machine personality is the psychological barrier. A wall for any emotions. An internal shield for trauma. It looks like a robot, like a machine, both for sentimental and behavioral issues. It does not feel emotions, is extremely rational, and is very connected to technology. Indeed, it is the most technological personality in the purest sense of the word, while the monster personality is the most technological in the most monstrous sense. Its function is to offer a more impartial view of situations and, because of the monster, to be the most solid shield for the assistant personality not to be haunted directly (and possibly killed) by the monster.
There are 2 more personalities to develop, and I'm working on it since it's a new idea I had.
The character is Vox.
The conceptual ideas for this fanfic that I intend to create, combined with my hobby of self-studying psychology/psychoanalysis/psychiatry, made me realize that I attribute four disorders to Vox:
• DID: According to the DSM-5 criteria, to be considered DID it is necessary: ▪︎Two or more distinct identities or personality states are present, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self. ▪︎Amnesia must occur, defined as gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events. ▪︎The person must be distressed by the disorder or have trouble functioning in one or more major life areas because of the disorder. ▪︎The disturbance is not part of normal cultural or religious practices. ▪︎The symptoms cannot be due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (such as blackouts or chaotic behavior during alcohol intoxication) or a general medical condition (such as complex partial seizures).
• PTSD: Symptoms of PTSD fall into the following four categories. Specific symptoms can vary in severity.
Intrusion: Intrusive thoughts such as repeated, involuntary memories; distressing dreams; or flashbacks of the traumatic event. Flashbacks may be so vivid that people feel they are reliving the traumatic experience or seeing it before their eyes. Avoidance: Avoiding reminders of the traumatic event may include avoiding people, places, activities, objects and situations that may trigger distressing memories. People may try to avoid remembering or thinking about the traumatic event. They may resist talking about what happened or how they feel about it. Alterations in cognition and mood: Inability to remember important aspects of the traumatic event, negative thoughts and feelings leading to ongoing and distorted beliefs about oneself or others (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted”); distorted thoughts about the cause or consequences of the event leading to wrongly blaming self or other; ongoing fear, horror, anger, guilt or shame; much less interest in activities previously enjoyed; feeling detached or estranged from others; or being unable to experience positive emotions (a void of happiness or satisfaction). Alterations in arousal and reactivity: Arousal and reactive symptoms may include being irritable and having angry outbursts; behaving recklessly or in a self-destructive way; being overly watchful of one's surroundings in a suspecting way; being easily startled; or having problems concentrating or sleeping. Many people who are exposed to a traumatic event experience symptoms similar to those described above in the days following the event. For a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, however, symptoms must last for more than a month and must cause significant distress or problems in the individual's daily functioning. Many individuals develop symptoms within three months of the trauma, but symptoms may appear later and often persist for months and sometimes years. PTSD often occurs with other related conditions, such as depression, substance use, memory problems and other physical and mental health problems.
The four tabs below provide brief descriptions of four conditions related to PTSD: acute stress disorder, adjustment disorder, disinhibited social engagement disorder, and reactive attachment disorder. Source: https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd • Psychotic Depression: Psychotic depression Some people who have severe depression may also experience hallucinations and delusional thinking, the symptoms of psychosis.
Depression with psychosis is known as psychotic depression.
Symptoms of depression Someone with depression feels sad and hopeless for most of the day, practically every day, and has no interest in anything. Getting through the day feels almost impossible.
Other typical symptoms of depression may include:
fatigue (exhaustion) disturbed sleep changes in appetite feeling worthless and guilty being unable to concentrate or being indecisive thoughts of death or suicide Doctors describe depression as mild, moderate or severe depending on your symptoms, how long it lasts and how much it affects your daily life.
Read more about the psychological, physical and social symptoms of clinical depression
Symptoms of psychosis Having moments of psychosis (when people lose some contact with reality) means experiencing:
delusions – thoughts or beliefs that are unlikely to be true hallucinations – hearing and, in some cases, feeling, smelling, seeing or tasting things that are not there; hearing voices is a common hallucination The delusions and hallucinations almost always reflect the person's deeply depressed mood – for example, they may become convinced they're to blame for something, or that they've committed a crime.
"Psychomotor agitation" is also common. This means not being able to relax or sit still, and constantly fidgeting.
At the other extreme, a person with psychotic depression may have "psychomotor retardation", where both their thoughts and physical movements slow down.
People with psychotic depression have an increased risk of thinking about suicide. Source for more information: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/psychotic-depression/
• An as-yet unidentified eating disorder: This is the only one in which I do not know which exact diagnosis it fits into. It is a consequence of the trauma from the four-day period - including this period being one of the biggest mysteries in history and a great source of theories for readers, as it is the root of Vox's psychological mess, the divergence point that originated the entire fanfic and which the protagonist DOES NOT want to remember - that resulted in the trauma of eating. He does not feel like eating, not even the SIN OF GLUTTONY is able to make him eat - he is immune to her powers - and feels an apparently inexplicable instinct of guilt and hypocrisy when trying to eat, as if he were the worst being in the universe if he ate a food and a huge hypocrite; why and what exactly this innate thought of judging himself as a hypocrite is another mystery in the plot.
In this story, at least in the initial arcs, no one associates all five as being the same person, at most they associate only one/two of them with Vox. With the climaxes (yes, it's in the plural) throughout the story, the characters will find evidence and suspect and associate more and more of the other alters (as I call Vox's fragmented personalities) with the same person, which increases the narrative tension. Being the assistant personality the last to be accurately associated by the other characters, although she was the one that had the most tension and care in NOT being associated throughout the story because she is the human essence of Vox, reflects more the fragility of his soul state and is not ready to deal with the harsh social consequences that the actions of the other alters and Vox before DID caused, needing solid support and not wanting to lose all the friendly social relationships, although fragile, that he built as a separate being from Vox and the other alters. It is easier to hate than to love. The assistant personality does not want to risk losing the little support he has built. These relationships are extremely valuable to him. He doesn't want to have this taken away from him anymore. The relationships he built are based on the inhabitants of Hazbin Hotel.
All alters have Vox's trademark: the TV as
a head. All... except the assistant personality. This alter is the ONLY one that has a human head and is the smallest, being even a few centimeters smaller than Lucifer. The size of his hair goes up to just above his shoulders, but he ties them in a professional hairstyle. His clothes are similar to those of an assistant, and they have a palette of blue, black, and white colors. The color of his hair, influenced by his powers as a Media Demon, is black with dark blue streaks and tips.
His human appearance reflects a period when Vox was human. In my story Vox is a trans man, which means he was born female and went through a transition at some point in his adolescence or adulthood. The appearance of the assistant personality reflects an episode during his 13/14 years. In this episode, he did a special show for his father's assistant at a fancy restaurant. It was her last night in his life as she would unfortunately be sent away without a chance to return, and he was aware of this. He also knew that his father was responsible for her being sent away, although his innocence at the time made him not immediately detect that she would be KILLED by a hired hitman hired by the father and mother. The assistant was a loved one by the teenage Vox. She was a loving mother he never had, and because of the emotional attachment to her, he decided to do a musical show, showing for the first and last time to anyone his talent for piano and violin. He, at the time still not going through the transition, dressed more masculinely, used the best appearance he could, and used a pseudonym to enter the restaurant and make the presentation without being detected by the family. He did not explicitly specify for whom the music was intended, but the assistant, secretly his true biological mother, knew it was for her. That was the last time he would see her, and he made every second of that night count.
Vox's human female name was Elizabeth. I chose this name because it is a beautiful name, it was the name of the former queen of the United Kingdom, and it was the name of one of Jack the Ripper's victims, Elizabeth Stride.
Vox, during his adult life as a man and even post-death, buried his past as a woman. It was not a source of pride, especially for the family abuses suffered and the transphobia of the time. If the Vees, the people closest to him currently, do not have a deep understanding of Vox's human life as a man, imagine their knowledge of the initial part of his life before the transition!
That's why being called "Elizabeth" during the direct and indirect appearances of the monster personality already causes genuine and unmasked panic in him. It is an indication of knowledge of his deepest layers.
The story has a suspenseful atmosphere, with some horror scenes. We follow the alters individually, and as the story progresses, we realize along with the protagonist some strange, wrong things. The alters do not communicate directly with each other and, therefore, the character does not immediately perceive the signs of having multiple personalities. It was as if there were four people in one body and none of them noticed, according to the perspective of the assistant personality, the alter that we slowly follow discovering the huge web of the situation he's in. There's something very wrong with Vox, more specifically his soul. But there's an invisible barrier that prevents the character from investigating further, like an elephant in the middle of the room. Each alter has its own course, all acting as if they were distinct people and not associating with each other. This is bad socially speaking in the long run, because sooner or later the clash of beliefs and values built among the alters will come into conflict and the individual consequences of their actions will negatively impact each other. The monster personality served to add more salt to the wound. It is by far the most harmful, appearing little but causing a huge mess in return. Don't think of it as a kind of Hulk, because Hulk is a destructive monster that his counterpart, Bruce, can try to control and turn into a hero, and everyone is aware of Hulk's nature, which is easy to understand and try to contain; whereas the monster personality is an enigma at the same time as it is a nightmare, there is no discussion with it, it causes psychological terror in Vox's alters, its apparently internal actions affect the external world of the alters, it is unpredictable, it is the literal meaning of hell. The monster personality has already caused physical harm to the alters, although they did not exactly remember, mainly the assistant personality, the most oblivious of all for a reason. I want to relate the monster personality to Roo.

Root canal treatment is generally safe and effective, but like any medical procedure, it carries some risks and potential side effects. Here are the main ones to consider:

Immediate Risks and Side Effects

1. Pain and Discomfort: It's common to experience some pain or discomfort after the procedure, usually manageable with over-the-counter pain medications. Severe pain is rare but should be reported to your dentist.
2. Swelling and Tenderness: The area around the treated tooth might be swollen and tender for a few days. This can typically be alleviated with anti-inflammatory medications like ibuprofen.
3. Infection: Although root canals are performed to eliminate infection, there's a small risk of a new infection developing if bacteria re-enter the tooth. This might occur if the filling or crown is delayed or not placed correctly.
4. Allergic Reaction: Some patients might have an allergic reaction to the materials used during the procedure, such as the latex in rubber dams or certain medications.
5. Temporary Numbness: Local anesthesia used during the procedure can cause temporary numbness, which usually wears off within a few hours.

Long-term Risks and Complications

1. Tooth Fracture: A treated tooth can become more brittle and prone to fracture, especially if it doesn't receive a proper restoration like a crown.
2. Incomplete Cleaning: In some cases, especially with complex root structures, the dentist might not be able to fully clean the infected area, leading to persistent infection and possibly requiring retreatment.
3. Persistent Pain: Rarely, patients may experience persistent pain or discomfort after the procedure, which could be due to missed canals, microfractures, or other issues.
4. Nerve Damage: There's a very small risk of nerve damage, especially in lower teeth where the roots are close to major nerves. This can lead to numbness or tingling in the lips, gums, or tongue.
5. Discoloration: A tooth that has undergone a root canal may discolor over time. This cosmetic issue can usually be addressed with internal bleaching or a crown.

Preventive Measures

• Choose a Skilled Dentist: Ensure your dentist or endodontist is experienced and uses modern techniques and equipment.
• Follow Aftercare Instructions: Adhere strictly to your dentist's aftercare instructions to minimize the risk of complications.
• Get a Proper Restoration: Have the treated tooth properly restored with a crown or filling as recommended to protect it from fractures.
• Maintain Oral Hygiene: Good oral hygiene practices help prevent further decay or infection.

When to Seek Help

Contact your dentist immediately if you experience any of the following after a root canal:

• Severe or persistent pain
• Swelling that doesn't subside or worsens
• Signs of infection (fever, pus, or foul taste in the mouth)
• Allergic reactions
• Issues with your bite or chewing

By understanding these risks and working closely with your dentist, you can mitigate potential complications and ensure a successful outcome for your root canal treatment.

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Chapter 15: For What You’ve Tamed
“We’ve come a long way, Vikri. Let’s finish your story,” Rayner said as he sat down in the same chair, crossing his legs in the same way.; small consistencies that made the task of talking about my past seem a little more routine. “I understand you lost someone important to you that day.”
I shifted slightly where I sat. “Yeah,” I answered coarsely. I grabbed at the poncho hanging over my shoulders. I remembered what it felt like in my dreams. Radiant warmth always seemed to emanate from it. Not necessarily the poncho itself, but Tenga’s memory. I realized that as long as I had those, then he was still here in a way. I’d much rather have him here than his memory though.
Rayner nodded. “I know what that’s like,” he said in a near whisper.
I shook my head. “It’s not just that I lost him. I…I failed,” I rasped. “I could’ve saved him. Maybe if I’d gone back I could’ve gotten the equipment before the fire did. I was too afraid.”
Rayner nodded slowly. “And now you feel responsible.”
I remained silent as I clutched my tail on the couch beside me. Rayner already knew the answer. He pursed his lips. “Yeah…I know exactly how that feels.”
I looked up at him. For the first time, his eyes weren’t on me, but on the adjacent wall as he seemed to ponder something. “You think about all the things you could have done differently. Things that are so obvious in hindsight,” he sighed and adjusted his glasses. “If only it were that clear in the moment.” He looked up at me, clasping his hands together. “So walk me through what happened.”
I could still vividly remember the moment Tenga got shot. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. So quickly in fact, that it even took Tenga a moment to realize there was a hole in his torso. Minutes of continuous tension shattered with a hail of gunfire lasting less than a second. The echoes continued to howl through the mountains long after the bodies met the snow. My friend was fatally wounded, the snow around him dyed bright red with his blood. And I had to leave him.
The entire time I was in the belly of the federation destroyer with danger lurking around every corner, all I wanted to do was to get this done as quickly as possible and get back to him. I was enraged that they’d done this to him and to billions just like him.
“Tenga was all I thought about the entire time,” I croaked. “And I…I was willing to kill everyone onboard to get back to him, even if there was no way I ever could. I… did things I could never have imagined myself doing even just days ago. I tore a chunk out of my leg just to be able to get to the Krakotl pinning me down with a crowbar.” I inhaled deeply, staring down at my reflection in the water, recalling my bloodshot eyes in the reflection of the ship's monitor. The grimly colorful bloodstains in my fur from several different species.
Rayner nodded. “It was a desperate situation. Many don’t see themselves doing things like that until they’re put in a situation where it's necessary. A situation where it's do or die. No one can fault you for that, especially not with all that depended on you.”
“I guess I just…It’s just worrying knowing that there’s a part of me capable of that.”
The doctor tapped his pen on his notepad as he seemed to think for a moment. “Do you worry that you may have violent outbursts?”
I scoffed. “Well, the events of a few days ago provided good grounds for worry.”
Rayner nodded. “Aggression is common for PTSD victims. It can be difficult to manage intense emotions when your mind is already dealing with so much.
I shook my head. “That’s not the person I want to be.”
Rayner nodded. “I know Vikri. That’s why it's so crucial for you to talk about this stuff. The less all of this weighs on you, the better you’ll be able to control those emotions when they arise.”
He finished writing on his notepad before taking off his glasses and leaning forward slightly. “So what happened to Tenga?”
The question made my heart sink. My mind went quiet. The second hand of time sounded like the footsteps of a giant marching toward…something. My body seemed to go cold and numb. “He died…” I croaked, staring down at the table. That was the first time I’d admitted that to myself verbally in such a direct way. “And I tried so hard,” I choked, tears now streaming down my face. “I did everything in my power to save him. I even put Querek’s life in danger.”
I felt the heat. I could feel cold water dripping from my paws as the burning ship melted the frost accumulating in my fur. I remembered the terrifying hopelessness that gripped me as I gripped Querek and pushed him into the snow. He tried to sacrifice himself for Tenga. What if I had let him? Would it have even worked? Could Tenga accept that?
I recalled the story to Rayner, battling to keep my composure. “I…I watched him die,” I choked. “And I was furious. Reese had to pull me off of him. I wanted to do…something, anything, but…he told them not to bring him back. I think he…” I winced at the thought of him considering this. “I think he’d rather have died sacrificing himself over…going rabid.”
Silence perforated the room for what felt like several long minutes. Rayner sat with his legs crossed, his hand propped up against his mouth. He seemed to become lost in thought for a moment before speaking. “I know how that guilt feels,” he admitted quietly.
I looked at him, somewhat surprised. “You do?”
Rayner nodded, rubbing his hands together. “My son,” he said plainly, taking a long pause before he continued. “He and Jesse were very close as kids. Practically brothers.” He tapped on his clipboard with his pen. “I was…not so available in those days. I was a very different man than I am now. I was still in school. I was always busy, always stressed. I hadn't even considered becoming a therapist. I was deadset on becoming a neurosurgeon.” He scoffed at himself, his head gently shaking back and forth as his gaze grew distant. His delivery lacked that matter-of-fact candor I was so used to by now. He was much quieter; less animated. His eye contact was sporadic and he never stopped fidgeting with his pen. Everything about him seemed suddenly mired in an emotion that was difficult to read. That was when I saw everything we'd done over the past few days for what it really was. Rayner wasn't invincible. He never claimed to be. He was hurt; I could hear it in his voice. He wasn't a person reaching down into the mud and yanking me out by the nape of the neck. He was man covered in mud himself. He wasn't an untouchable hero. Merely a guide.
He continued as that realization struck me. “I loved him as much as a father could. But I was so busy that…well I wasn't there as much as I'd like to have been. That put a big strain on our relationship.” He removed his glasses and wiped the lenses a few times before he continued. “One night we got into an argument. He’d just gotten his license. He had an old beat-up car I'd bought him for his birthday,” he chuffed. “A teen’s first car is always…eccentric. Thought it was a great deal at the time.” He sighed and nodded slightly before continuing. “He left the house enraged, speeding down the road. After a few miles, he lost control, swerved off the road, and hit a tree head-on. The airbag never deployed. The car crumpled like a soda can.”
I stared at him, speechless as he concluded in a near-whisper. “He was declared dead at the scene.”
The room felt hollow for a few long seconds. I searched for a reply but couldn't fathom the right words to say. Fortunately, Rayner didn't stay silent for long. “Like you, I blamed myself for a long…long time.” He sighed. “And it nearly destroyed me.”
I stared at the floor, fidgeting with my tail. “How did you…overcome that?”
“Well it didn't happen overnight,” he replied, flashing a brief smile. “It takes time but, at some point, you have to carry on living. You have to continue loving.” His eyes creased slightly as he looked down at his own hands. “You have to keep loving,” he repeated in a low whisper.
Loud silence claimed the room again as his words sank in. He was right. It was either accept what happened or live like this forever. Looking at it that pragmatically, the choice seemed easy. Emotions are never so logical though. It wasn’t as if he relieved himself of that burden either, it was obvious he still carried it. It just…didn’t weigh as much now. Not because it got lighter, but because he got stronger. I eased into speaking again. “I…I'm sorry. About your son.”
Rayner nodded. “I'm sorry about your friend.”
We both stewed in silence for a minute before Rayner spoke up. “We’ll send you home today.”
“You…really think I’m ready?”
Rayner nodded slowly. “I think so. The medication seems to be working, you haven’t had any breakdowns since you’ve been here. You’ve gotten much better at discussing these things. I think you’re equipped to face this now.”
“...I’m afraid,” I croaked.
“Of what?” Rayner asked, leaning forward
“Of…seeing Lucky again. I'm doubting whether I even should. I was never prepared to be her master. I’m just a danger to her.”
“Vikri,” Rayner exhaled and leaned forward. “You made a mistake. We all do. But you have a responsibility to her. You should at least see her and face that mistake, or you’ll never have closure. What you decide after that is your choice, but I don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think.”
“I hope so,” I sighed.
Rayner clicked his pen and set his notepad aside. “We’ve made you some medication to take home, same stuff you've been taking. The plan is to keep lowering the dosage until you’re sleeping without it. We’ve made you some sheets with all the daily doses on them and when to take each one. It’s enough to last you two weeks, then once they’re out, you’ll come back here for another session, then if you need it, we’ll get you more and keep weaning you off them.”
He leaned forward, emphasizing his next words. “And I cannot recommend enough that you go to Jesse’s support group in between our meetings. Those will help you tremendously, I’m sure of it.”
I nodded. “I have his number. I’ll…I’ll give it a shot.”
“You won't regret it,” Rayner assured me. “Jesse was in the same chair as you not too long ago for similar reasons. He has knowledge from first-hand experience. I can vouch for him, he’s a great guy.” He inhaled. “Well, is there anything else Vikri? We won’t be seeing each other again for a while, so if there’s anything else, now’s the time to talk about it.”
I thought for a second. We’d covered almost everything. I’d never discussed those days in so much detail. It felt like being submerged in icy water. It was miserable at first, but over time it became easier, even comfortable. I’d relived so much pain over the last three days, but here at the end of the whole story, It felt less like a nightmare, and more like reality. “No, I don’t think so,” I finally replied.
“Then I’ll clear you to go home. Andrea is here, she’ll give you a ride, I’m sure. Here.” He reached over and handed me a small business card. “That has all my contact information on it. I’m usually here in my office until late at night, so feel free to call if you need anything. If the sedative gives you any issues at all, any side effects, make sure to call and let me know. We followed the recipe to a tee, but it’s wise to be cautious.”
A familiar silence flooded the room as Rayner and I seemed to, for the first time, have nothing left to say. Finally, the doctor spoke. “See you in two weeks, Vikri.”
///////////////////////////////
Golden strands of light danced between the digits of my paw as I moved it in front of the brilliant summer sun. An intense beacon of warmth floating in a sky as blue as Earth’s oceans. The rumble of Andy’s car occupied the air as we cruised down the highway. Vivri was sound asleep in the backseat. The gentle white noise and vibration seemed to knock her out cold. I watched the sunrays dance as I waved my paw in front of me, before turning it around. Several spots on my paw still had obvious scars. I even still had burn scars from the electrical systems aboard the crumbling Cardinal.
I curled my paw closed into a fist and rested my head against it, watching the lush, green mountains pass by in the distance. After three days I was set loose into the world once again, hopefully better armed than I was before. Even after all the weight I doffed from my shoulders in Rayner’s office, a crushing mass still rested on my chest. Lucky.
The weight only became heavier as the car slowed, and rounded a corner into the parking lot of a large animal hospital. Andy gently brought the car to a stop in a parking space in front of the entrance. Occasionally people would walk in and out with their pets, many of which were dogs on leashes.
Vivri stirred awake after we stopped. “Oh…We’re here,” she muttered nervously. “There’s…a lot more animals here than I was expecting.”
Andy chuckled. “It’s an animal hospital girl, there’s gonna be all kinds of critters here.”
I turned around to face her. “You don’t have to go in there. You and Andy can wait here.”
Andy scoffed. “You might wanna tell Rayner they screwed up those meds, ‘cause you’re delusional if you think I’m letting you go in there by yourself.”
“Well I don’t want her to be alone out here,” I argued.
“I’ll go in, just…stay close, please?” Vivri interjected.
I looked back at her, ears tilted. She was dead serious. I sighed and shook my head. “This is gonna be a disaster,” I groaned.
Andy opened her door. “I’ll wait with her in the lobby, you go talk to the vets. It’ll be fine.”
I looked back at Vivri one last time as Andy stepped out. “Alright, just stay away from the cats.” I opened my door and began stepping out into the summer air.
“C-cats?”
“Small felines. They're demons with mind control,” I replied just before closing the door.
Vivri scrambled out of the car and followed right on my heels. “Well don’t just leave me!” she squeaked.
I laughed. “I’m kidding. Well, mostly.”
Walking into the building, I realized that Lucky had been in a very similar place as me over the past three days. The lobby felt eerily similar to the one at the medical center. Everything went silent as Vivri and I walked in. Immediately I could feel dozens of eyes on us. Vivri hid close behind me as Andy gestured for me to follow her to the desk.
I doubted any of the humans there meant any harm, but dozens of binocular eyes snapping onto her in an instant had Vivri more unsettled than she already was. It didn’t help that several dogs were either on leashes or in carriers in the lobby, which were no doubt just as curious. I grabbed Viv’s paw. “They don't see many Venlil,” I whispered. “Just ignore them.”
I approached the desk with Vivri still hiding behind me. “E-excuse me?” I stuttered. The woman at the desk looked up, clearly caught off guard by two venlil standing before her. “O-oh! Excuse me, you must be Lucky’s owner, right?”
“Yeah. Vikri.” I could feel Vivri shivering behind me.
“I’ll let Doctor Gavin know you’re here.”
“Thanks,” I muttered before turning to Vivri. “Are you sure about this?” I whispered.
“Of course! It’s just for a few minutes, right?” Her body language gave an entirely different answer. She seemed like she might faint at any moment.
I looked up at Andy. “Keep her close, would you?”
Andy wrapped her arms over Viv’s shoulders. “Of course. I’ll keep little Vivi safe from all the big, bad puppy dogs and mean kitties,” she said in baby speak, twisting her side to side. She giggled. “We’ll be fine.” Her tone suddenly shifted as she locked eyes with me. “Will you?”
I stood there in silence for a moment. This entire time my heart felt unbearably heavy. Standing there, I felt nauseous. So much so that I made it a point to know exactly where the bathroom was when I walked in. The weight on my chest made breathing a laborious task. I heaved in a deep breath. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in there but…I have to do this. For both of us.”
Andy exhaled and nodded, seemingly just as nervous for me. Right on cue, the door at the back of the room opened with a heavy click. “Vikri?” a male voice called out. An older gentleman in burgundy scrubs surveyed the room. It didn’t take long for him to find me. He nodded toward me as he adjusted his glasses. “Right this way, please.”
“We’ll be right here,” Andy whispered, her hands still resting around Viv’s shoulders, who agreed with a tail flick.
I nodded and walked toward the man, leaving the cozy waiting room behind, and entering a long, sterile hallway. The doctor’s shoes clicked against the tile as he walked just in front of me. The weight bearing down on my chest only got heavier with each step. After a few agonizing seconds, the man finally spoke up as he stopped outside a door. “I’m Doctor Gavin,” he said breathily, extending a hand. “I performed Lucky’s surgery.”
I took his hand with my paw, which he could no doubt tell was trembling by this point. “Vikri,” I choked. “S-so…How is she?”
“She’s good,” Gavin answered in a higher pitch. “She’s recovering remarkably fast. Really lived up to her name.” He opened the door and stepped through into a kennel area as he continued. “The bullet hit one of her ribs and shattered. A couple of fragments pierced her lung, one of them was just inches from her heart. There’re still a few very small ones lodged in her tissue, but we’d be doing more harm than good by trying to remove them. They shouldn’t cause any issues and come out on their own after some time, but we’ll keep track of them with x-rays.”
As he spoke we passed by kennels, some empty, some with dogs that barked or jumped up on the cage as we passed. I scoured each one for Lucky, my dread building with each one we passed. Suddenly, the doctor stopped in front of me. He inhaled deeply. “I should mention…Given the…circumstances of how she got these injuries, me and some staff will stay with you just in case she becomes aggressive. That’s not to say that I think she will,” he added hastily, “she’s been great with everyone here but…you know, just to be safe.”
“I get it,” I breathed. It made sense. If Lucky attacked me, it would be far more deadly than it would be for a human. And I was confident even a human wouldn’t last long against a half-wolf her size. Fittingly, a group of four humans were gathered at the end of the hallway, catchers in hand.
Time seemed to slow as I approached the pen. The staff members all looked over at me with the same anxious expression. I felt like a prisoner walking toward my judgment, and that perhaps it was me that belonged behind these cages. I swallowed and took a long, slow breath as Gavin opened the gate. He walked in ahead of me. “Hey there big girl,” he said in a chipper tone. I heard the familiar thumping of Lucky’s tail against the floor. Gavin chuckled to himself as the remaining four staff calmly and quietly filed into the pen. Once they were all inside, the final human leaned around the corner, looked me in the eyes for a long second, and nodded once.
A new reality awaited around that corner. My sentence was about to be read. It felt so cripplingly helpless; wanting so desperately to finally be reunited with my best friend, yet trembling at the thought of rounding a corner to run face-first into the consequences of my actions. I steeled myself one last time. I nodded back at the catcher and took slow, deliberate steps toward him. I finally rounded the corner, and for the first time since the incident, I saw Lucky.
She lay on a large, fabric bed, with food and water bowls close by. Her right front leg was bound in a cast, tied up close to her body. A large patch of fur had been shaved away around her chest and halfway up her neck. She seemed thinner than I remembered. It reminded me of the scared, hungry pup I’d met so long ago.
Her eyes tracked onto mine instantly, and I felt an ache that defied all imagination. The same gaze that would send almost any other Venlil scrambling down the hallway instead gripped some inner part of me in a cold, numb stasis. I couldn’t move. Part of me wanted to run to her and spill out how sorry I was. Another wanted to curl up on the floor right there and sob, returning to that familiar numbness that seemed akin to the ancient enemy of life itself. The cold. That bitterness that pierced through fur, through flesh, through bones, and any ideal held by the naive child that sat next to Tenga’s corpse that day. It ran through until there was nothing left.
Then, I felt a warmth as if someone had draped a blanket over me. I gripped my poncho around my shoulders, grabbing it tightly. I made a quiet promise to myself there and then. Not a promise to my sister, or my parents, or Andrea. Me. I wouldn’t lie down in the cold. Never again. One more hill.
“Hey Lucky,” I said, my voice coarse and breaking every syllable.
The silence was abruptly broken as Lucky, though seemingly frail, shot to her feet. Everyone in the room shifted, prepared for the worst. I didn’t dare move, but I could feel my heart pounding in my legs, my body preparing to bolt. The staff watched her carefully, their grip slightly tightened around their polls. Lucky made no sounds, only stared at me, her nostrils flaring as she gathered my scent. Her right front leg was useless, immobilized against her body. She shifted her footing to steady herself. Then I saw something that replaced fear with tears. She was shaking like a leaf, never taking her eyes off me. She could care less about the others. She was scared. Of me.
I felt myself fall off a ledge in a sensation I’d become all too familiar with over the last few weeks. Tears streamed down my face, my breath hitching as I brought my paws up to my face. I fell to my knees, the presence of the staff had become irrelevant. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I exhaled between gasps. “I’m so sorry.”
So there it was. My new reality. It wasn’t what I’d hoped for, but it was what I expected. I didn’t know what I’d do then, and I didn’t know now. Could I go on without Lucky? She was the one fortress in the turbulent seas of my broken mind. She was the one I could always count on. The one that I knew would always be there, no matter what. Now I was convinced she was terrified of me.
I sat there a shattered mess for a long moment, tumbling off that cliff and reaching out for anything to catch myself, but found nothing but jagged stones. I felt a hand on my shoulder, Doctor Gavin attempting to comfort me, I assumed. Until I felt something touch my knee. I looked up, thrown out of the spiral abruptly. Lucky was now just in front of me, licking my leg. I froze, confused. She gently laid down, careful of her bandaged leg as she rested her head on my leg, looking up at me. That was the same leg she’d broken months ago. Finally, I got it. “I hurt you, and you still loved me.”
A wave of relief rushed through me and I looked down at her, eyes glossy with tears. I bent down and rested my head against hers. I laughed, though it sounded more like a sob. For the first time in days, I felt whole again.
Lucky still loved me.
First Prev [Next]

I started using Saxenda on April 17, I wanted to follow to official dosage instructions for a while and decide what's best for me. It took me a while to feel the effects but when got to 1.8, I really started feeling the effects. But when I increased the dosage to 2.4, I felt the effect wear off and I actually didn't lose any weight since I had eaten more during meals and had a couple of shameful snack sessions.
Is this caused by me increasing the dosage or is my body maybe building an immunity against it? I started on 3.0 today because I still want to try the official dosage instructions first, but I feel like maybe I should switch to 1.8 again because that's what worked for me 2 weeks and doesn't drain the pen as fast as 2.4 or 3.0.
Current weight and dosage chart: https://i.imgur.com/CScV3AE.png 25 yo, male, 190 CM (6.2)

Greetings to all ! My name is Alyssa quill You've probably read the title already but Let's get on with introducing myself before we get into the main point of how I'll be working.
As you already know my name already we'll just start with my age, I'm 17. I started working on Reddit and on this community few years ago by 2021 and I began editing with 7 years of experience. Let's move on with my editing SOFTWARE Which is
• Adobe Premiere Pro • After Effects • Photoshop premium • Alight Motion • Capcut (PC)
I have great experience in using these software in a way of working with you!
Let's get to the main point where the title says yep! You read it right! I can most definitely edit in multiple editing styles, Well not directly of course you need to present me an example of how you want me to edit your video like an inspiration. I won't fully copy and paste the editing style you've presented me to your video since that would cause trouble but I would use some materials and the highlights of what you'd want for your video.
Here are some of the videos I worked on! ( Note : most of them are done last year since I took a break on working for a while.
COMMENTARY VIDEOS :
https://youtu.be/trZXd_eL0Rg?si=oETZoSxb3ZSmMdyH
https://youtu.be/BQaA39En_WI?si=ue9W5yukBjM83Hcn
https://youtu.be/VkNIpvKnj7k?si=RpLTnYmgsHKwpjM8
https://youtu.be/v22Y-Khtywc?si=DipPV8UgSx8fvYs8
ANALOG HORROR VIDEOS :
https://youtu.be/2L1KLjmDrMc?si=hU6GoNJwq_Q1VL_e
https://youtu.be/Sz9MJr72fWg?si=l3J0lv7D-66snymz
GAMING VIDEOS :
https://youtu.be/iJPkx3v635E?si=TjNp-wBiXZX56nk4
https://youtu.be/xO2qo0VnDzw?si=pSx4SsFsdtjko3HE
Thank you very much for reading! I hope in working with ya soon !

Greetings to all ! My name is Alyssa quill You've probably read the title already but Let's get on with introducing myself before we get into the main point of how I'll be working.
As you already know my name already we'll just start with my age, I'm 17. I started working on Reddit and on this community few years ago by 2021 and I began editing with 7 years of experience. Let's move on with my editing SOFTWARE Which is
• Adobe Premiere Pro • After Effects • Photoshop premium • Alight Motion • Capcut (PC)
I have great experience in using these software in a way of working with you!
Let's get to the main point where the title says yep! You read it right! I can most definitely edit in multiple editing styles, Well not directly of course you need to present me an example of how you want me to edit your video like an inspiration. I won't fully copy and paste the editing style you've presented me to your video since that would cause trouble but I would use some materials and the highlights of what you'd want for your video.
Here are some of the videos I worked on! ( Note : most of them are done last year since I took a break on working for a while.
COMMENTARY VIDEOS :
https://youtu.be/trZXd_eL0Rg?si=oETZoSxb3ZSmMdyH
https://youtu.be/BQaA39En_WI?si=ue9W5yukBjM83Hcn
https://youtu.be/VkNIpvKnj7k?si=RpLTnYmgsHKwpjM8
https://youtu.be/v22Y-Khtywc?si=DipPV8UgSx8fvYs8
ANALOG HORROR VIDEOS :
https://youtu.be/2L1KLjmDrMc?si=hU6GoNJwq_Q1VL_e
https://youtu.be/Sz9MJr72fWg?si=l3J0lv7D-66snymz
GAMING VIDEOS :
https://youtu.be/iJPkx3v635E?si=TjNp-wBiXZX56nk4
https://youtu.be/xO2qo0VnDzw?si=pSx4SsFsdtjko3HE
Thank you very much for reading! I hope in working with ya soon !

I was not involved in this in any way, but I want to vent because this is perhaps the most chilling thing I've ever seen on the internet due to its hitting close to home, and any engagement on this subreddit helps.
Growing up, my home had problems. Not the kind that would get people put in jail, but still not a good childhood. My father has always been incredibly prone to yelling and arguing with my mother, but her and my grandfather taught me to fight and stick up for myself, the exact opposite of what this evil industry is designed to instill into children. Because of this, I knew there was nothing I could do and avoided being around him at all, spending as much time as I could away from his presence. This then caused him to lash out at me for not doing my homework, basically forcing me into acting out of spite meaning I practically never did my homework at home. For my entire childhood and adolescence, I was being questioned on why I kept "forgetting" to do it, deathly afraid to tell anyone outside of the family about any problems I faced, meaning they could never be solved, and eventually, when I stopped being entirely handheld by the school district and had another huge problem come into play, I flunked. I never actually met the friends I had outside of school, so that was it for my social life. Not sure what could've been done to keep me on track besides my father understanding the effects of his behavior on me, but anyways, this is not about myself.
Because of what my parents told me, I feared that if I told any school officials the truth, I'd be kidnapped by CPS, someone outside of the family hearing a story and assuming that I'm a spoiled brat because of my parents, dooming me to be subject to some program to change who I am to fit some vision of an "ideal child" that I didn't want to become just to improve my grades. Of course, even in this hypothetical fear I had, the law would protect me from outright abuse.
However, the reality is far, FAR scarier; the parents are the one who fall for this scam and enable it to happen, the only people you'd think a child should unconditionally trust. The method of kidnapping isn't knocking on a door and hoping that your parents hand you over, it's brazen in ways I don't want to write. The actual places that a child end up? The wilderness or somewhere even worse, completely disconnected from society and chosen specifically to discourage escape by making it dangerous. Fucking what? Even as a kid, I knew it would be messed up to go to a "Summer camp" when that idea ever came due to the separation from my family, but oh my God, these assholes can get the rights to keep innocent children in Hell for years. My skin crawls every time I think about this a little further. The short length of the Wikipedia page describing the sheer disrespect to human rights and how there's basically no government regulation, looking it up on Google and seeing basically no pushback as if I'm a parent and they're trying to convince me on it. It's a horror plot, except real.
All I can say is if that anyone downplays the evil at play here and its effects, they are wrong (to say the absolute least.)

Explore effective strategies for managing freckles treatment at Twacha Aesthetic Clinic in Nagpur. Enhance your skin health and reduce the visibility of freckles with expert guidance.

Freckles Treatment: Understanding and Managing Skin Pigmentation

Freckles are a common skin concern that can affect individuals of all ages and skin types. These small, flat, tan, or light brown spots often appear on areas of the skin exposed to the sun, such as the face, arms, and shoulders.
While freckles are generally harmless and do not require medical treatment, they can be a source of cosmetic concern for some individuals. Understanding the causes of freckles and how to manage them can help you feel more confident in your skin.

What Causes Freckles?

The primary cause of freckles is the overproduction of melanin, the pigment responsible for the color of your skin, hair, and eyes. Melanin is produced by melanocytes, which are cells found in the epidermis, the outer layer of the skin.
Exposure to sunlight triggers the production of melanin as a protective response to UV radiation. This excess melanin can clump together, forming freckles on the skin’s surface.

Types of Freckles

There are two main types of freckles:

Ephelides: These are common freckles that are usually light brown or tan. They tend to fade in winter when sun exposure is reduced. Ephelides are more common in individuals with fair skin and hair.
Lentigines: Also known as solar lentigines or liver spots, these freckles are larger, darker, and more defined than ephelides. Lentigines are often associated with aging and long-term sun exposure and are more common in individuals with darker skin tones.

Managing Freckles

While freckles themselves are harmless, they can be a cosmetic concern for some individuals. Here are some tips to help manage and reduce the appearance of freckles:
Sun Protection: Since sun exposure is a major factor in the development of freckles, protecting your skin from the sun is crucial. Use a broad-spectrum sunscreen with an SPF of at least 30, wear protective clothing, and seek shade during peak sun hours to reduce your risk of developing freckles.
Topical Treatments: Certain topical treatments, such as hydroquinone, retinoids, and kojic acid, may help lighten freckles over time. These treatments work by inhibiting the production of melanin in the skin, leading to a reduction in the appearance of freckles. However, these treatments should be used under the guidance of a dermatologist to avoid skin irritation.
Chemical Peels: Chemical peels can help lighten freckles by removing the top layer of skin, revealing fresh, new skin underneath. This can result in smoother, more even-toned skin, but multiple treatments may be needed for optimal results. It’s essential to consult with a dermatologist before undergoing a chemical peel to determine if it’s the right treatment for you.
Laser Therapy: Laser therapy can target and break down the melanin in freckles, leading to a reduction in their appearance. This treatment is effective but may require multiple sessions and should be performed by a qualified dermatologist to minimize the risk of side effects.

Fuck you Google and your stupid captchas. I didn't realize using a VPN was illegal? Well guess what, according to Google, if you use a VPN, YOURE A FUCKING ROBOT AND YOU SHOULD GO FUCK YOURSELF IDIOT. That's right, you answered our 6 mini quiz pictures that force you to click the same school bus, motorcycles, bicycles, traffic lights, and cars ten times in a row perfectly? Well FUCK YOU because we still think you're a robot and you're wrong!!!
It's literally the equivalent of them asking "what's 2+2?" And you answer with "4" and then they ask you five more 1st grade level math questions that you answer correctly in a row, and then they say "all your answers were wrong because we think so" GUESS WHAT GOOGLE. IM NOT WRONG. I CLICKED THE CORRECT SQUARES GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!YOUR CAPTCHA SYSTEM SUCKS ASS AND SO DO YOU!!! Go fuck yourself, Google.

I (21f) have plagiocephaly, which causes half of my face to be flat and makes my cranium crooked. I've always noticed it but only discovered its name last year. Since starting my job two years ago, l've constantly worn masks to conceal my face due to embarrassment and fear of being judged. Despite spending thousands on fillers to hide the deficient side, they haven't been very effective. Therapy, medicine, even ketamine treatments haven't alleviated my distress, and I find myself breaking down daily and resorting to self-harm. The only solution to address this problem is through surgery.

I (21f) have plagiocephaly, which causes half of my face to be flat and makes my cranium crooked. I've always noticed it but only discovered its name last year. Since starting my job two years ago, I've constantly worn masks to conceal my face due to embarrassment and fear of being judged. Despite spending thousands on fillers to hide the deficient side, they haven't been very effective. Therapy, medicine, even ketamine treatments haven’t alleviated my distress, and I find myself breaking down daily and resorting to self-harm. The only solution to address this problem is through surgery.

(Throw away cause I know she has a Reddit even if she never uses it.) This is gonna make me look like an absolutely horrible friend, but I haven’t been able to get it off my mind and need to dump it somewhere. Some backstory I (21F) did a seasonal job in a national park in 2021. I had just graduated hs, and didn’t want to start college in covid, but still wanted to try living alone, and I love the outdoors. I picked the national park I did because I have familial ties there. My mom and 2 of my aunts did summer jobs there when they were my age, we do a summer family reunion there every yeaevery other year, and my mom has joked about wanting her ashes spread there. My experience was mixed. I loved living there and living away from my parents, but the people I met there kinda fucking sucked. My roommate was chill, but my coworkers where mean, and I didnt really make any friends there, as well as getting homesick frequently. I loved my season and would maybe do it again, but it had it’s ups and downs. After my season, i made really close friends with 2 girls, we’ll say Jackie and Chloe. Jackie moved away last year and came back a few months ago, but the friendship hasn’t been the same since. Before Jackie moved away, I planned a camping trip to the park I worked at, to show them around and get to show it off a little bit. My friends loved the park, and it was a great trip. A little after the trip, and Chloe starts picking my brain about my time there. I tell her all about it. Then in January she tells me she applied and got a job in the same park, in the same location and department as I did 3 years ago. And I’m incredibly jealous and angry.
Why? 1st, Chloe knows nothing about the park, and only picked it because I had shown it to her. She still says multiple important names in the park wrong, even though I’ve tried correcting her. She has family in other parts of the state, closer to other parks, but never looked into working there even after I recommended them to her.
2nd. I cant go. I thought about joining her for months after knowing she applied, and decided I couldn’t go. I have since started college (including summer school to make up for the gap years) and cant drop everything to go. I also founded and run a community group and know that if I left, no one else would be available to run it.
I know I dont own the park, I dont own the experience of summer park jobs. I know this makes me a terrible friend, hence why I dont say this to her. But she has no connection to the park whatsoever, and I dont want her to come back thinking we’re the same and that she gets to have a connection to a place that genuinely means a lot to me. I dont want her copying my experience, and worse, having a better experience than I did. And it sucks knowing my irresponsible friend gets to galavant around, while I’m stuck being a responsible adult. She tends to be more outgoing than me, and it makes me angry that she’s likely gonna have a great time using all the advice I gave her (when she would listen to it) while I had to figure it all out alone. She’s also one of my only friends, and knowing how things with Jackie turned out, I’m afraid the friendship’s gonna absolutely die over the summer and once she gets back it wont be the same. The really really mean part of me wants her to not be able to cut it out there and come home early.
Tldr: my friend is doing the exact same job and summer experience I did 3 years ago, and I feel like she’s just copying my whole thing.

It is observed that people who run away from hard work try to fend off any minor stress that comes on their way and that is why they are lacking behind than others. There are basically two broad categories of stress that you feel on a daily basis. Redditors, correct me if I am wrong:

1. Eustress

2.Distress
Eustress is something you have control over. You can feel it , go through it, get motivated and push yourself to do the work. It is a form of "good stress". Just the right proportion of stress that you feel to drive you to get the work done. Why is it good? because you have control over it and we love control. HAHA.
Distress is when you have very little to no control of things around you. Instead of motivating you, it causes negative psychological impact on you. You think you can push through it but you won't be able to no matter how hard you try. Slow down.
Example:
Your boss told you to complete the four piled up files by tomorrow. You got up , prepared yourself mentally and you are going through the files. In the middle of the second file, you just feel a bit tried, you keep pushing yourself without taking break. You somehow keep pushing and get the 3rd file done. After that you started to feel heavy and not so well. You have a deadline too to complete the work and you seem absolutely done. That's distress. Now you need to slow down, take a break, go out for a walk, eat some food, have water or workout to stop the eustress to get converted to distress completely. You need to know when to stop and when to start and you will definitely be successful in your job.
It starts with eustress and when you can't differentiate when it is making you distressed you end up with more problem that you already have.
Problem with me is that due to me not being able to absolutely define what is motivation or what is distress ,I happened to fend off or bypass any stress that came in. Hence,I ended up having 0 skills, no social circle, extremely poor grades, poor physical health, horrible mental health. Now that I look back, I can see that there were many many instances where I was pushed just enough to work hard and I mistaken it as people bullying me to do something.
In order to start or go through that work, you need to hold on to that eustress and learn t regulate it . "YOU NEED TO FLARE UP THE STRESS ENOUGH". You need to feel the stress on your face and be motivated by it rather than depressed. How will you move forward when you are not ready for the hardwork? doesn't it makes sense? And then you go on roaming around with your victim mentality. WOW. Did you stress yourself right enough? Did you gave a break when it levelled up?
You need to have right amount of hotness in your head to start and know the right timing to stop but please stress yourself for the right thing and for the right people. Stimulate your mind and environment just at the right temperature to start baking things up otherwise it becomes a desert or a cold dark place .
Now finally I understood that despite having intense aggression/angerage why I just didn't feel the need to work my problems out. It is because of my aggression going into wrong channel all this while. It was utilized for unnecessary fights with people. You have aggression. You channelized it for work. CORRECT. You have aggression. You channelize it for picking fights, being haughty and mean. WRONG.
USE YOUR AGGRESSION/ EUSTRESS WISELY.
BREAK THE CAGE BIRDIE.

BLACK BULLS AREN'T USING ANTI-MAGIC.
Comrademon ability as named by Asta
Part 2
1) They aren’t actively using Anti-Magic; instead, they’re simply cloaked in it. Think of it as an exterior shield that mimics the effects of the original spells. Lucius himself acknowledges this.
Lucius realizing it.
When Asta channels Anti-Magic within himself, it flows through him and triggers a transformation widely known as the ‘Black Form.’ For this to occur, the user must be magicless, as the Anti-Magic flows both inside them and through them. In other words, Asta envelops himself in Anti-Magic during his Black Form.
What distinguishes Comrademon ability is that, this time, they are not directly cloaked in Anti-Magic; rather, it is channeled through the Demon-Dweller Sword. This process overlaps two forms of energy to create a single, unified energy. There is also a scientific explanation for this phenomenon, which has been well explained by this guy. To give an even simpler and better idea, imagine that Asta adds Anti-Magic to their mana pool at a ratio of 85:15 (though this is not meant to be taken literally). Remember, Asta doesn't replace their magic with Anti-Magic, but add Anti-Magic to their magic.
So NO, the Anti-Magic doesn’t just randomly cancel out their magic.
2) "So Tabata just gave the Black Bulls an unnecessary power up which isn't even their own, and they didn't even train for it".
There are two main reasons why it's NOT an unnecessary power up:

• The Anti-Magic serves as a protective coating for their spells. For example, when Magna caught Lucius off-guard with the Soul Chain Death Match spell, Lucius attempted to neutralize it using Gravity Magic. Under normal circumstances, his spell would have been crushed, but it remained intact due to the Anti-Magic acting as a barrier. Furthermore, the Anti-Magic endows the spells with the ability to track magic, which explains why the spell homed in on Lucius despite his efforts to dodge it.
• We know that some of the Black Bulls are arcane. However, this ability renders all the Black Bulls arcane because Anti-Magic itself is arcane. Given that Arcane Powers are highly effective against devils, this ability elevates the Black Bulls directly to the Arcane Stage, regardless of whether any member of the Black Bulls is at the 1st or zero stage in combat level, and makes them much more effective against Lucius and his Angels.

Bonus: Here's a charming detail. With this ability, Asta effectively has his own version of Dark Disciples now.
Now, for the "power up not being their own" part... This is a thematic power up. All this time, Asta had to rely on his comrades to back him up because he couldn't on his own. This time, he is repaying them by making them rely on him.
As for the training part, what is there to train for? They’re not trying to learn a new spell.
Feel free to share this with anyone else who’s still confused about it. If you have any doubts or questions, feel free to ask.

I (28f) I’ve been dealing with the worst skin of my life for the past three years. I quit hormonal birth control, which I’ve been on since the age of 16 and all of a sudden was dealing with acne for the first time of my life.
We’re not talking about a little breakout here and there we’re talking full hormonal acne that would get drastically worse every month. My self confidence tanked and there were some days I would refuse to leave the house. I’ve cried a lot over this.
Now I was not kind to my skin in my early 20s either. Tanning booth, drinking, late nights. I was definitely seeing the effects. Before I quit birth control I started using some retinol and Botox trying to get my skin to look young again. Unfortunately the retinal caused me to dry and then when I quit the birth control, the overall inflammation was a disaster.
I was a cystic acne mess with deep wrinkles. Who knew they could co exist…
Fast-forward years later, I’ve tried nearly everything from microdermabrasion, led lights, differin gel, to thousands on skincare, Morpheus8 and everything in between with zero to no luck. The one thing that was working the best was actually doing less. It seemed the more I tried the more irritated things got. But I’m impatient and hate feeling like I’m not doing something about the problem.
I finally started working with a new dermatologist (I’ve been through like four at this point) and this was the first one who uses Zo Skin Health.
She did a peel. it was a bit dry, but overall not bad and then set me up with a skincare routine that includes the exfoliating cleanser twice a day, the oil control pads, the hydrating cream, and a 50+ SPF
Prior to this I would’ve said no that’s too much exfoliation. My skin is red and dry anyways this is gonna be horrible but I trusted her.
My skin is never red or inflamed. The cleaners leaves it soft not tight. I have gotten rid of almost every fine line. oh my God am I glad I trusted her.
Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t easy. The first month, i had little breakouts every time I would wake up with a couple big cystic ones. But they all came to a head and went away within a day or two. Not like differen which would leave marks. It was a process, everything that was in my skin came out. I could tell it was purging though so I stuck with it.
Now I’m sitting pretty, my skin better than it was in my early 20s. I do not have feel oily mud day, my skin is never red or inflamed. I have gotten rid of almost every fine line, I’m getting sooo many compliments! The marks are fading and I can start treating the scars (they have also raised)
I’m still in disbelief. No it’s not 100% perfect. There’s small whiteheads here and there that pop up in the morning, but they are gone once I wash my face and don’t leave marks.
I think this routine is the one for me for a while. I look forward to adding a vitamin c in the future.

I want to ask a girl I went on a previous date with a couple months ago if she'd like to go on another, the 1st date went well and she took initiative to plan a second date but a week later ended up saying she's too busy with school and wouldn't be very available. This was around january, At the time I had just started dating and said I was looking for a relationship so I'm assuming she pulled back cause she wouldn't be available for that emotional investment. However now I'm a little more relaxed about dating and pretty busy myself so I would be fine just meeting up when we can meet up. I can't really tell if that would be weird to ask? What do yall think?

I want to ask a girl I went on a previous date with a couple months ago if she'd like to go on another, the 1st date went well and she took initiative to plan a second date but a week later ended up saying she's too busy with school and wouldn't be very available. This was around january, At the time I had just started dating and said I was looking for a relationship so I'm assuming she pulled back cause she wouldn't be available for that emotional investment. However now I'm a little more relaxed about dating and pretty busy myself so I would be fine just meeting up when we can meet up. I can't really tell if that would be weird to ask? What do yall think?