Reddit Review: EA FC 24
Cons:

1. Laggy and Pay-to-Play Ultimate Team Gameplay: The gameplay experience in Ultimate Team leaves much to be desired, with laggy and chalky mechanics making matches frustrating. The heavy emphasis on pay-to-play elements is disheartening, as it often feels like success is more about wallet size than skill.
   
2. Rare Card Accessibility Issues: Obtaining rare cards feels like an insurmountable task, especially when witnessing YouTubers spending exorbitant amounts just to secure a few walkouts. This barrier to entry can deter newcomers and make the game feel inaccessible to all but the most dedicated or financially endowed players.
   
3. Overwhelming for Newcomers: For those starting out, the game can be overwhelming. The slow pace of card upgrades coupled with daunting Squad Building Challenges (SBCs) makes it hard for newcomers to find their footing in the game.
   
4. Unsatisfactory SBCs: While Squad Building Challenges are meant to add depth to the game, they often feel lackluster. The high cost and difficulty of unlocking meta cards make SBCs more of a chore than an enjoyable aspect of gameplay.
   
5. Gameplay Nerfs: The constant nerfing of gameplay mechanics by EA is frustrating, as it disrupts the flow of the game and undermines the skill-based aspect that players strive to master.
   

Pros:

1. Diverse Player Inclusion: EA deserves credit for its inclusive approach to the sport, featuring icons and heroes that may not be household names but add depth and diversity to the game. Additionally, the inclusion of women's soccer has introduced many players to a new aspect of the sport they may not have previously explored.
   
2. Player Evolution Option: The introduction of the evolution option is a game-changer, allowing players to repurpose unused cards and breathe new life into their squads. This feature adds a layer of strategy and customization previously unseen in Ultimate Team mode.
   
3. Dynamic Gameplay: Despite its flaws, the evolution of gameplay mechanics is commendable. The constant updates and improvements have resulted in dynamic and engaging gameplay experiences, keeping the community invested in the game's evolution.
   

Overall, while EA FC 24 has its fair share of shortcomings,

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Many people are calling for Ned's head lately.
I don't think he's been perfect. He has a positive reputation around the league at least as a person and businessperson. That doesn't mean he's a good scout.
I think it's important to separate hirings into categories one would attribute to the owner, the coach, or the general manager, even though it is reportedly a collaborative process and Paulson has to sign off on everything. It is also essential to note that different coaches have different systems, styles, strategies, and tactics. Players identified as having the skills, disposition, mentality, etc. for particular purposes under a particular coach may not work as well in different circumstances. For example, I'll suggest that having a slow right centerback isn't as much of a problem with a right fullback who can track back, central midfielders who can help cover, and an offense that defends higher, doesn't turn the ball over so often, and is effective in attack. Also, given the relatively sudden and unexpected departures of Porter and Wilkinson, and the transition periods between coaches and scouting/technical staff, it's important to note that there were times when there weren't people in particular roles and the styles, tactics, strategies, philosophies, etc. weren't clear or changed.
While I have no proof and Ned has expressed his enthusiasm for and confidence in Neville, I very much feel like Phil is Paulson's guy. It was said that he had a rapport with Paulson. I don't expect Ned to say anything publicly that isn't supportive. Maybe he actually believed Neville was the best candidate and maybe he still believes he's a good coach.
Using Wikipedia, I documented which players signed with the club or had their contracts extended while Ned was in different roles.
When he was promoted to Technical Director, he was specifically credited with scouting specific players. He's also credited with finalizing the deal with Evander in late 2022, after GW was fired but before he was officially GM. The rumor is that the deal was going to fall apart before Ned took over negotiations. I've italicized those players that Ned might have been involved in scouting, recruiting, signing, or extending who are still on the team. I've also indicated when I think it's pretty clear when a player was brought in by a coach because of some past association. I may be wrong about some and may have missed some. I know there is incomplete information but I only tried so hard. There are also situations where the player was technically signed to an extension in one year but it was effectively for the next season. The distinction between preseason and summer transfer window signings isn't always obvious. Also, many of these players were scouted for some time before a decision was made to sign them and an opportunity presented itself. For example, Wilkinson talked about wanting Lucas Melano for some time. I think Porter was big on him too. We had our eyes on Yimmi Chara for a long time too. Considering that, I'm not inclined to credit Ned with 2017 signings at all, and don't think he had much to do with the renewal or financial decisions until 2023.
Director of Scouting and Recruitment - November 2016
2017 Season
Signings

• Andres Flores - Gio
• Modou Jadama

Extensions/Renewals

• Jeff Attinella
• Kendall McIntosh
• Zark Valentin - Porter
• Dairon Asprilla
• Jack Barmby
• Bill Tuiloma

2018 Season
Signings

• Julio Cascante
• Foster Langsdorf
• Eryk Williamson
• Jorge Villafaña - Returned. Originally signed as a Porter player.
• Steve Clark
• Andy Polo - Ned is credited with scouting him. GW took credit for his extension.
• Cristhian Paredes - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Samuel Armenteros
• Tomás Conechny

Extensions/Renewals

• Zerek Valentin
• Jeremy Ebobisse
• Modou Jadama
• Bill Tuiloma
• Foster Langsdorf
• Kendall McIntosh

Technical Director - December 2018
2019 Season
Signings

• Marvin Loría - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Renzo Zambrano - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Claude Dielna - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Aljaz Ivavic
• Brian Fernandez
• Jorge Moreira

Extensions/Renewals

• Sebastian Blanco
• Diego Valeri
• Bill Tuiloma
• Steve Clark
• Jeremy Ebobisse

2020 Season
Signings

• Yimmi Chara
• Blake Bodily
• Jaroslaw Niezgoda
• Chris Duvall
• Pablo Bonilla
• Zac McGraw
• Felipe Mora
• Dario Zuparic

Extensions/Renewals

• Dairon Asprilla

2021 Season
Signings

• Larrys Mabiala
• Santiago Moreno

2022 Season
Signings

• Justin Vom Steeg
• David Ayala
• Justin Rasmussen
• Diego Gutierrez
• Claudio Bravo
• Juan David Mosquera

Extensions/Renewals

• Felipe Mora
• Zac McGraw
• Diego Chara
• Cristhian Paredes

General Manager - December 2023
October 2022 - GW Fired
2023 Season
Signings

• Evander - Neville said that he had wanted Evander at Miami.
• Miguel Araujo
• Antony
• Eric Miller
• Frank Boli

Extensions/Renewals

• Nathan Fogaça

2024 Season
Signings

• Kamal Miller - Neville guy
• James Pantemis - Neville guy
• Trey Muse - Neville guy?
• Maxime Crepeau - Neville guy
• Jonathan Rodriguez

Extensions/Renewals

• Juan David Mosquera
• Santiago Moreno
• Eric Miller

Do we blame these guys going forward?
Jack Dodd - Technical Director - April 2023

• Former Director of Scouting for Toronto and a scout for Liverpool and Crystal Palace

Nacho Leblic - Director of Scouting - February 2024
With all of this info, I think we can blame Ned in whole or in part for the following current players being signed and / or having their contracts renewed:

1. Rodriguez
2. Evander
3. Loría
4. Williamson
5. Moreno
6. Mosquera
7. McGraw
8. Eric Miller
9. Fogaça
10. Antony
11. Mora
12. Diego Chara
13. Araujo
14. Paredes
15. Ayala
16. Mabiala
17. Asprilla
18. Kamal Miller
19. Muse
20. Crepeau
21. Pantemis
22. Sulte
23. Zuparic
24. Ikoba
25. Bravo

Gee, that's the entire roster. Realistically though, I'm only crediting him for 2023 and maybe Rodriguez. He wasn't really GM until Evander at the end of 2022. GW, Paulson, Porter, Gio, and Neville all have had input and in many cases more authority in decision-making up to that point.
Which players came and went under Ned's watch should we not have signed or not let go?
And which players who are still on the roster just objectively suck and aren't MLS-level players? As starters or depth? Who doesn't even have any potential? Who has aged out? Who is good but doesn't fit the system? Who doesn't fit Neville's system but fit Gio's? Note: this is all in MLS-level terms.

1. Rodriguez was great but is now just good and arguably doesn't fit the system. He's a second striker but we only play with one forward. I don't think the 4-4-2 we tried against Seattle was a good idea. Obviously, it didn't work. Maybe a diamond of Evander, Chara, Ayala, and Paredes. We'd need more defense to cover for Mosquera getting forward and Moreno tucking in. But I digress...
2. Evander is good but poorly utilized and inconsistent. He plays to the level of his teammates. He's not a leader. Could he be great? Probably not as a 10. He's got flashes though, so I hope I'm wrong.
3. Loría in my eyes isn't MLS level and hit his ceiling. I'll accept arguments that he's a good sub for the money.
4. Williamson is good but oft-injured, and inconsistently plays to the level of his teammates.
5. Moreno is inconsistent, sometimes played out of position, doesn't fit the system, but has potential. He takes chances, which I respect, but maybe doesn't have the best judgement. Maybe he can learn. I hope so. He tries. He's good. He could be great. He probably shouldn't be the starter all the time.
6. Mosquera is a good winger but terrible fullback. Or maybe he's a good wingback but terrible fullback, depending on how you define the roles. Maybe he has potential. I increasingly doubt it. He doesn't seem to have the mentality for it. He's Alvas Powell 2.0. I'd love to be wrong. He tried last match. If he becomes a good fullback he'll be great overall.
7. McGraw is good but terrible in the system, especially when Mosquera doesn't track back. He's just too slow and sometimes has poor judgement.
8. Eric Miller is good as a sub right fullback and decent as a sub left fullback.
9. Fogaça isn't good and has no potential. I'd love to be wrong. I like his workrate but he's not MLS quality and never will be.
10. Antony is good, not great, and maybe has potential. His first touch is garbage, he's one-footed, and he doesn't make smart runs. He fast though. I don't think he can succeed on a shitty team like ours because he won't see the ball enough. Ideally, he'd understudy to a great winger and learn from them.
11. Mora is surprisingly good. He's opportunistic. He's a leader. He's committed. He puts in effort. I still don't think he's a DP and I'd kind of prefer he was a subto an even better forward but it's hard to argue with success.
12. Diego Chara. He's still very good. People who say he's lost a step are confusing his inability to cover everybody else's mistakes, and his own occasional lapses, with having lost it. He's barely lost anything. He'd look better on a team that wasn't absolute ass. It's sad for him.
13. Araujo. I think he's good but just too slow for this system. His passing is good and he's good with the ball at his feet. His positioning and judgement seem fine, generally. I'd bet he'd look better on a better team too. I could say the same for some former centerbacks as well.
14. Paredes. He's good. He's developed and grown on me. He's pretty consistent and generally puts in effort. He rarely pisses me off. I'd hoped he'd develop into a 6 but that's apparently not to be. I think he's hit his ceiling. He's a great rotator or sub. Not a star.
15. Ayala. He's good. Could become great if he can stay healthy and get more development. I'm worried about his injury history. He's a bit small and can get pushed around a bit.
16. Mabiala. He's just too old and slow now. Good dude. Maybe his last extension was too long. I think the tactics are especially bad for him but he wasn't good enough last season either. Father Time just caught up faster than we expected.
17. Asprilla. Is he good? I don't think he really is. But his moments of sheer genius, his workrate, and his heart make him great. As a sub. Flare counts for a lot. I love it when Asprilla dazzles.
18. Kamal Miller. He's good but too slow for the system.
19. Muse. No idea man.
20. Crepeau. He's great but we sure haven't given him a chance to be great for us yet.
21. Pantemis. He's good and could be great.
22. Sulte. I've only ever seen him be awful. I wish him the best but have no reason for optimism, especially since Muse came on.
23. Zuparic. He's the best player in the league, obviously. He's good. Maybe he was great once. He's not good enough for the system at least. If Neville ever substantively changes tactics I think he could be solid for us again. Seems like his attitude may be a problem though. Who knows what to believe?
24. Ikoba. Absolute mystery to me. I assume the worst from context clues. Wish him the best. I think he, Sulte, and all who came before underscore how wretched our academy system is. Who do we blame for that? Does it matter? I think it does. I'd love to develop cheap players we could sell to reinvest in the club.
25. Bravo. He's great. He could be brilliant. He makes the occasional mistake but that's the price of greatness. He takes risks. He's a fighter too. Love this dude but he still gets underrated and shit on. We're so much better with him on the team. How often do we have good fullbacks, especially a left back. Him, Moreira, and Villafaña are kind of it, right? Farfan showed promise but bringing Jorge back stunted his prospects with us?

I think we are less than the sum of our parts. I don't think too many of our players are scrubs. We have too much invested in central midfield, centerback, and keeper. Central midfield was complicated by injuries and Chara's insane longevity. Our poor DP signings hurt our ability to move on from them in terms of timing and money. Ivacic was still on the books well into the last transfer window. Mabiala is taking up roster and cap space. Zuparic is questionable. McGraw and Araujo just don't seem to be good fits for the system that Neville is trying to implement. Kamal Miller isn't either but Neville doesn't realize that. I'll suggest that Mosquera not defending hurt the CBs last season too, along with the missing attacking DPs.
I don't know what we can realistically do about our problems near-term. I don't think Nevilleball works even with a right fullback who can defend and faster centerbacks. That would help. But the lack of off-the-ball movement, lack of ball progression through midfield, lack of creative runs, poor passing, low pressure, shitty zonal marking on set piece defending, not closing passing lanes, not stepping to the ball; not making incisive, line-splitting passes; not communicating, poor rotations, not making the final pass or taking shots in the box, passing back all the time, slow build-up, not covering the far post, injuries... It's a lot. Some of these problems predate Neville, so he ought to have accounted for them and adjusted accordingly. The FO has denied lack of talent is a problem. That leaves coaching and attitude or mentality. Attitude and mentality often come back to coaching IMHO.
TL/DR: The players / team are good, not great. A better coach might get us to the playoffs but won’t make us champions. It’s hard to tell how much it’s Ned’s fault that we got here, but it’s discouraging that he rates this team higher than he should.

Demographics: African American Male, first gen. 3.0 gpa/33 act (school doesn’t do rankings)
Cofounder of coding/stem related startup releasing this summer (introduced to my local university)
Internship at Chase Bank over the summer (With letter of rec)
Extracurriculars: Vp of Multi inclusion Club (best buddies) Cofounder of my schools Calisthenic club (first one started in the school district) 3 year sports editor for school publication (featuring additional live coverage on Division 1 football and basketball) Journalism portfolio page also created 4 year member Bpa member 2 years Varsity Football 4 years soccer (2 years varsity)
Volunteering: Salvation army (food drives)/ nonprofit organization that distributes home furnished goods for homeless and in need.
Essays yet to be drafted.
Also forgot to mention my older sister attends Northwestern so legacy connection there.
Aims: t-40 Northwestern ED, Babson, BC, Tufts, Nova, Rutgers to name a few.
Open to all feedback on things to improve/ecs to really really focus on to make my app stand out more. Also open to essay suggestions!

So I've been trying to find this movie for a while, this guy ends up in a Murphy's law escapade through a city where everything goes wrong. There is a soccer final going on throughout the film which leads to people ignoring him like the police and other comedic situations, I think it starts as a date and several groups are out to kill him and culminates with everyone facing off at an intersection and everyone dies. European movie so it's not in English.
It used to be one of my favourite films and was describing it to someone but cannot for the life of me remember the name of it.

Hello everyone, my name is Alexander, I'm from São Paulo, I'm 24 years old and a Data Scientist professional.
My favorites things are traveling, watch sports like soccer, basketball and football.
I'm looking for someone who wants to practice daily via calls, messages, etc. I will be moving to Europe next month and l urgently need to practice the language.
My english level is B2-C1.
DM me if you're interested.

Hello everyone, my name is Alexander, I'm from São Paulo, I'm 24 years old and a Data Scientist professional.
My favorites things are traveling, watch sports like soccer, basketball and football.
I'm looking for someone who wants to practice daily via calls, messages, etc. I will be moving to Europe next month and I urgently need to practice the language.
My english level is B2-C1.
DM me if you’re interested.

This is my last attempt for awhile. *Do Not message or add me just to unfriend me or ghost me. * Greetings future partner ❤️ I'm still searching for you. I have to be honest and say that I am losing hope trying to find you.Please be somewhere. I want my search for a partner to be over. I'm seeking adventure in my life with someone I can call a forever partner. I'm tired of the loneliness and the sheltered lifestyle that I've lived. It would mean a lot of you could read through this post so that I could make sure we are compatible. Even if we start off as friends that would be fine.
Here's to new beginnings and new connections. PLEASE make sure you READ through the WHOLE POST also please be respectful when messaging me * *If you're the type to be impatient, block, or ghost easily, then save both of us the trouble and DO NOT message me! I'm not trying to come off as mean but I'd much rather you not message me if you're the type of person to do that. If something isn't working just let me know. We're all adults.
Greetings, I am seeking a long term relationship monogamous with the end goal being matrimony. I am not one for playing around and being used casually as it doesn’t suit me personally. Ideally I'd prefer a man that has his life already in place so that I can be able to share life with him and for him to take care of me. I would expect my future man to have a fiscally stable job and be able to support me and our future family. I wouldn’t be opposed to being a housewife. There are few reasons why I would like to work or work part time: 1) Being abandoned with nothing, 2) I want to feel fulfilled and not bored. Happy to discuss possible dynamics, I'm flexible. I would love a synergistic partnership where we are both able to mold our minds and fill our hearts with warm affection. I will be there to support you throughout your journey and celebrate every moment with you. I want you to be proud of you just as you are with me. I want to show you that you are truly cared for and appreciated by gestures of love such as massages and other forms of entertainment. I would expect the same from you as well. Even if we are both working adults we can still make our relationship work in the best way possible. I have seen this come out well for people who are dedicated and willing to make their relationships work. For a strong relationship to occur I would expect effective (transparent) communication from you. If you are going to be busy just be honest and let me know you won’t be able to talk to me.Also, if you need your space both mentally and physically let me know. I understand that we all have our lives to attend to but it is incredibly important for people in a relationship to be transparent when circumstances arise in a timely manner in order to avoid future conflict. If this relationship isn’t going to work I would expect you to tell me and not ghost or block me before giving me a reason why. We are all adults so I would expect nothing but maturity. Starting out I don’t want the pressure of sex to be pushed onto me. I’d rather let time tell in all of its glory.
Now onto my true introduction
My name is Angie and I'm from Georgia in the United States. I've been lonely for quite some time and find it hard to find a soulmate in IRL. What I'm looking for is someone who I can connect with and have wholesome conversations with. I want to be able to treat my future soulmate well just as much as they do me. The biggest part of a long lasting relationship is the ability to communicate openly without worry. I'd love it if my significant other has a dark sense of humor and continues to crack me up non-stop. As cheesy as it may sound I long for those late night calls and cute texts. I want for us to drive out the very best in each other; become our support system. A little bit about me is that I grew up in Florida and not too long ago moved to Georgia. I'm currently in college to become an RN but I'm also passionate about cosmetic chemistry and nutrition so I may seek to build my own business in the future. I'm passionate about science and theoretical applications especially within the medical field. I'd appreciate it if my partner is open minded about varying topics and welcomes healthy conversations. Appearance wise I'm open to seeing if we have a connection and feel as long as you are well groomed and practice basic hygiene you are good. Although, I must say that attraction is key in a relationship so I will have to go off on that as well. To add on, I enjoy playing video games, exercising (I've been slacking off lately), cooking and baking (vegan), playing board games, reading, exploring nature, playing sports (basketball and soccer) for fun, and trying new experiences. I hope to save up and travel someday. It would be nice for my partner to be able to set up our travel itinerary.
My Physical Description:
I am a black woman who’s twenty five years old (almost 26 in December) with Afro-Carribean, Japanese and Swedish ancestry. I’d still consider myself black presenting since that’s more along the lines of what I appear as phenotypically. I have dark brown curly hair (Mainly 3c type curls) and brown eyes. I am 5 '4 on the thicker spectrum (not at all obese but thick boned and have thunder thighs). I am trying to exercise more to become fit. I used to weight lift when I was younger but since then have lost lean muscle mass. Having a partner that is willing to work out together sometimes is rather rewarding. A man who has drive and appeal is incredibly sexy. I would also like to point out that I am curvy and noticeable in certain aspects (I’ll leave it up to you to decide).
*You have to be MINIMUM 21 to date me *
If distance will be a problem and you aren't willing to make it work then DON'T MESSAGE ME!!
If you will be too busy to pursue a relationship then DO NOT contact me!! * *Again, No ghosters or blockers!! Seeking a person who seeks a relationship with God and/or is open to one Must be free from venerial diseases and must be willing to get tested(will discuss) Bonus points if you're vegan Ideally I would like someone that is taller than me (I’m 5’4) I prefer a man that is fit or trying to be. I'd prefer someone who is fiscally stable and able to support the both of us* A big red flag for me is smokers. It isn't good for your health nor is it sexy to me.* It's important for me to point out that I want children in the future and need someone who may want that as well. If you're interested in how I look and want to know more about me, message me. Although I don’t make it a huge deal, I do prefer White and East Asian men. But I do love all types of men and welcome them. As stated before I emphasize communication and would prefer you to be honest and say if something is wrong instead of ghosting or blocking without stating the reason. Fair warning if I can be socially awkward sometimes and don't know what to talk about so please be patient with me as I'm learning to be better conversation wise

This will mostl likely be my last attempt in trying to find someone for awhile. * Do Not message me just to ghost or block me! Think it through before you message me!! I don't want to get emotionally hurt again.*
Greetings future partner ❤️ I'm still searching for you. I have to be honest and say that I am losing hope trying to find you.Please be somewhere. I want my search for a partner to be over. I'm seeking adventure in my life with someone I can call a forever partner. I'm tired of the loneliness and the sheltered lifestyle that I've lived. It would mean a lot of you could read through this post so that I could make sure we are compatible. Even if we start off as friends that would be fine.
Here's to new beginnings and new connections. PLEASE make sure you READ through the WHOLE POST also please be respectful when messaging me * *If you're the type to be impatient, block, or ghost easily, then save both of us the trouble and DO NOT message me! I'm not trying to come off as mean but I'd much rather you not message me if you're the type of person to do that. If something isn't working just let me know. We're all adults.
Greetings, I am seeking a long term relationship monogamous with the end goal being matrimony. I am not one for playing around and being used casually as it doesn’t suit me personally. Ideally I'd prefer a man that has his life already in place so that I can be able to share life with him and for him to take care of me. I would expect my future man to have a fiscally stable job and be able to support me and our future family. I wouldn’t be opposed to being a housewife. There are few reasons why I would like to work or work part time: 1) Being abandoned with nothing, 2) I want to feel fulfilled and not bored. Happy to discuss possible dynamics, I'm flexible. I would love a synergistic partnership where we are both able to mold our minds and fill our hearts with warm affection. I will be there to support you throughout your journey and celebrate every moment with you. I want you to be proud of you just as you are with me. I want to show you that you are truly cared for and appreciated by gestures of love such as massages and other forms of entertainment. I would expect the same from you as well. Even if we are both working adults we can still make our relationship work in the best way possible. I have seen this come out well for people who are dedicated and willing to make their relationships work. For a strong relationship to occur I would expect effective (transparent) communication from you. If you are going to be busy just be honest and let me know you won’t be able to talk to me.Also, if you need your space both mentally and physically let me know. I understand that we all have our lives to attend to but it is incredibly important for people in a relationship to be transparent when circumstances arise in a timely manner in order to avoid future conflict. If this relationship isn’t going to work I would expect you to tell me and not ghost or block me before giving me a reason why. We are all adults so I would expect nothing but maturity. Starting out I don’t want the pressure of sex to be pushed onto me. I’d rather let time tell in all of its glory.
Now onto my true introduction
My name is Angie and I'm from Georgia in the United States. I've been lonely for quite some time and find it hard to find a soulmate in IRL. What I'm looking for is someone who I can connect with and have wholesome conversations with. I want to be able to treat my future soulmate well just as much as they do me. The biggest part of a long lasting relationship is the ability to communicate openly without worry. I'd love it if my significant other has a dark sense of humor and continues to crack me up non-stop. As cheesy as it may sound I long for those late night calls and cute texts. I want for us to drive out the very best in each other; become our support system. A little bit about me is that I grew up in Florida and not too long ago moved to Georgia. I'm currently in college to become an RN but I'm also passionate about cosmetic chemistry and nutrition so I may seek to build my own business in the future. I'm passionate about science and theoretical applications especially within the medical field. I'd appreciate it if my partner is open minded about varying topics and welcomes healthy conversations. Appearance wise I'm open to seeing if we have a connection and feel as long as you are well groomed and practice basic hygiene you are good. Although, I must say that attraction is key in a relationship so I will have to go off on that as well. To add on, I enjoy playing video games, exercising (I've been slacking off lately), cooking and baking (vegan), playing board games, reading, exploring nature, playing sports (basketball and soccer) for fun, and trying new experiences. I hope to save up and travel someday. It would be nice for my partner to be able to set up our travel itinerary.
My Physical Description:
I am a black woman who’s twenty five years old (almost 26 in December) with Afro-Carribean, Japanese and Swedish ancestry. I’d still consider myself black presenting since that’s more along the lines of what I appear as phenotypically. I have dark brown curly hair (Mainly 3c type curls) and brown eyes. I am 5 '4 on the thicker spectrum (not at all obese but thick boned and have thunder thighs). I am trying to exercise more to become fit. I used to weight lift when I was younger but since then have lost lean muscle mass. Having a partner that is willing to work out together sometimes is rather rewarding. A man who has drive and appeal is incredibly sexy. I would also like to point out that I am curvy and noticeable in certain aspects (I’ll leave it up to you to decide).
*You have to be MINIMUM 21 to date me *
If distance is an issue and you aren't willing to commit then DON'T MESSAGE ME!!
If you will be too busy to pursue a relationship then DO NOT contact me!! * *Again, No ghosters or blockers!! Seeking a person who seeks a relationship with God and/or is open to one MUST be free from venerial diseases (must be willing to get tested) Bonus points if you're vegan Ideally I would like someone that is taller than me (I’m 5’4) I prefer a man that is fit or trying to be. I'd prefer someone who is fiscally stable and able to support the both of us* A big red flag for me is smokers. It isn't good for your health nor is it sexy to me.* It's important for me to point out that I want children in the future and need someone who may want that as well. If you're interested in how I look and want to know more about me, message me. Although I don’t make it a huge deal, I do prefer White and East Asian men. But I do love all types of men and welcome them. As stated before I emphasize communication and would prefer you to be honest and say if something is wrong instead of ghosting or blocking without stating the reason. Fair warning if I can be socially awkward sometimes and don't know what to talk about so please be patient with me as I'm learning to be better conversation wise

i have been keeping a list of recurring jokes / inside jokes in the office and i have a lot, things i think the writers had as inside jokes, and i knowww i'm missing bunch. please contribute!
here's what i have so far: im listing the joke and then (the episodes). sorry my formatting is all over the place it's a working document

1. Jim hurting Phyllis w soccer ball: 5:22 dream team -the convict (3:9)
   
2. cotton swab hurts Andy: The incentive ep where he gets a butt tattoo (8:2) Cafe disco when Kelly is gonna pierce his ear (5:27)
   
3. Oscar and the hardwood floors : -when dwight shoots the floor (7:24) -when they do the espresso tasting and redo the office (9:11)
   
4. “Stay out of this you” -season 3 michael scott and Andy sales episode -early season Halloween michael has a cutout of himself -s4 EP 8 - money part 2 —- 2:51
   
5. Naming types of clothes -(3:22): in Victoria’s Secret michael keeps asking angela if e wants a t back or a .... -(3:3) when Dwight goes behind Michael’s back and talks to jan and asks if she got a teddy camisole t back - the coup
   
6. upturned broom w a bucket for a head - instead of new boss, Stanley (beach day!) (3:24) Old vacuum cleaner that’s broken for manager - Pam on dwight in the coup (3:3)
   
7. Do you need us for any of this?” JIM to michael in an office meeting —- crime aid when hes describing how the Springsteen tickets seem too good to be true And “a head of an egret, with the body of a...””-- fun run
   
8. Kevin & Dwight with fireworks End of the ___ EP Right before Pam & Jim’s wedding - Kevin asks about the fireworks
   
9. Dwight giving rousing communism speech season 6:3 - when Jim is the manager and they’re putting beans on everyone’s faces and dwight tries to get everyone to rise up When he’s public speaking giving the award (2:17)
   
10. “Why are you limping” michael in season 6 EP 9 - michael limps after the slap Andy in where dwight shoots the floor and his ear is ringing (7:24)
    
11. Also Kelly piercing Andy’s ear? Cafe disco & niagra? kelly andy dance-off AND ear pierce? (5:27) /// (6:4)
    
12. YouTube being an entity that can film things Product recall: “and then YouTube gets a hold of it” s3 EP 21 The roast of michael scott - make sure youtube comes down to tape this (5:15)
    
13. actually letting the air out of the tires to get people’s attention. -dwight to Phyllis - 5:5 -michael to everyone (3:20)
    
14. michael saying something a lot to make people think it: 6:16 - he keeps saying manager to get jo to make him manager ???; when he's flirting w the bar manager when she's coming in to buy a printer he keeps saying ____ to make her think sex ?
    
15. Michael falling asleep unexpectedly in the car Pam & Jim’s wedding EP #1 - driving dwight (6:4) When Daryl is drivin holly to Nashua and he screams “was I saying anything interesting?” Not really (5:6)
    
16. Who is it michael? Who is it? Who? Who?” - Pam to michael. the lover (6:7) “Where dwight? Where?” It seems like you already know where —- Oscar to dwight (5:12)
    
17. Jim : I just need more time “I can stop this, I just need a week, maybe two” 6 : 9 double date Also Jim: after their honeymoon trying to get Pam to not go into Michael’s office with the gift. Can I think about it over the weekend? (6:7)
    
18. “I NEED COMPLETE SILENCE!!!” Andy doing DDR : s6 EP 17 -8:10 D’Angelo doing his juggling routine - (7:23)
    
19. Kevin sitting on you will kill you the delivery part 2: s6 EP 18 —- I don’t want anyone to die “just don’t let him sit on you” EP where michael is santa / Jesus (6:13)
    
20. michael talking about stevie wonder -benihana christmas "are you telling me stevie wonder doesnt love his wife because he doesn't know what she looks like?" (s3:11) when he burns his foot - would you have left stevie wonder? no we love stevie wonder (2:12)
    
21. michael not sleeping in a hotel room: 6:5 niagra - dwight has a room 5:8 business trip - the concierge sleeps in the room
    
22. "i'm not like you pam" angela to pam - 3:13 erin to pam - michael's last dundies (7:21)
    
23. pam's mom and michael (4:14) "who are you writing" your mom michael dates her mom
    
24. pam being obsessed w new chairs (4:14) chair model the surplus
    
25. i was just walking by your desk -andy about dwight in 3:13 ~23 minutes -also when jim gives pm the house "i got peepers like an eagle"
    

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be dead in the next 24 hours.
Whether that's the Costella family, or whatever this is, I'm not sure.
The police are taking forever, and part of me knows they're either refusing to believe me, or RC got them too.
I'm holed up on our school bus, so I've got nothing better to do.
I want to tell you about my team.
We met in our sophomore year.
Strangers standing outside the club room.
Levi was the freckled brunette who wouldn't stop talking about Game of Thrones.
Sunny, a pretty redhead, told him to shut up.
Tom, a sandy blonde, nodding his head to music corked in his ears.
I just wanted to be part of a club, and get away from my overbearing mother.
I won't say it was a perfect start. Our school was lacking in funding, so anyone could join, which made us more of a Quiz Club. I had some serious anxiety, so I stayed on the sidelines for a while, watching, rather than taking part.
It's not like we actually talked to each other initially. The first few weeks, we played Jeopardy, and attempted to find more members to cement us as an official Academic Decathlon club.
Unfortunately, though, it was just the four of us.
Which made it extremely hard for us to be taken seriously.
According to Google, Academic Decathlon teams were made up of nine members, placed by their GPA.
Our principal laughed at us, but he did let us become official.
Which was out of pity, I assumed.
The club was assembled, and we started meeting up after school.
Sort of.
Sunny barely showed up, and Levi didn't take anything seriously, preferring to spend the time telling us about his weird family turf-war.
Our principal dumped us in a tiny classroom with a resident rat living under the floorboards.
There was barely enough room to move, and the four of us crammed together for three hours was less than appealing.
Still, though, I wanted to be part of a club.
I had grown up with parents who were obsessed with board games, so I was pretty good at general knowledge questions. Our club room was too small for anything else but three desks (Sunny and I shared one) and a whiteboard we had to shove through the door.
But, again, we didn't start as an Academic club.
It was more akin to Story Time Club.
Arriving late on my third day, armed with quiz cards from home, I found Tom and Sunny completely mesmerised by Levi’s storytelling skills, drowned in shadow.
They didn't even turn the lights on.
I strictly remember squeezing next to Sunny, and hearing the words, “But there was so much blood all over the floor, and my Mom told me to go upstairs and hide under the bed…”
Sitting in front of them was Levi, perched on a desk, his legs swinging, a whiteboard marker between his teeth.
Sometimes he'd get up, and illustrate parts of his story.
It sucked that his drawings were all stick people.
I won't go into full details of his life, but Levi grew up as part of a family who had… interesting methods of making a living. I had seen the guy’s father multiple times when we hung out at his place, and, yeah, my friend’s family definitely had Soprano vibes.
Levi’s Draw My Life was nothing to do with the club, but it did bring us closer.
Even if, at that point, I was considering leaving.
But it's not like it was easy to walk away from these guys. It's like finding your soulmates. Levi wasn't the only one with an interesting life. Sunny Lang was an ex kpop trainee, who was kicked out for being too fat, which led her to develop a severe eating disorder, and a hatred for her own body.
Sunny explained her family were originally from Boston, her mother growing up in Korea.
She signed up for an idol agency focusing on creating a new girl group, and had gotten all the way to the final stages, before being kicked for her weight. Sunny told us her story with a smile, though there was a hollowness in her eyes I couldn't ignore. The other girls were judgemental bullies, and the idol diet and brutal regime almost killed her.
Sunny lived in a tiny apartment with 9 girls, who would tear each other apart for a chance to debut. Sunny said all the other girls debuted, and when we (not so patiently) asked for names, she shrugged, admitting she signed an NDA that prevented her spilling the beans.
What she did say, was the K-pop idol is a product, not a person– and are made and moulded into a product.
She had zero interest in throwing her humanity away to become a manufactured doll.
So, one of us was the son of an underground family, and the other was an ex idol.
Tom was an aspiring horror writer with a famous older step-brother.
His story times were usually, That one time I went to the Met Gala.
When it was my turn to reveal my story, I told them the only interesting thing about me.
I could smell when something bad was going to happen.
They laughed, but I was being serious.
When I was a kid, I smelled my mother’s brain tumor.
I remember it smelled like curdled milk.
I asked Mom why her head smelled of mouldy milk, and Mom laughed and said it was her shampoo.
It was actually a grade two tumor growing inside her brain.
Thankfully, the tumour was found quickly and removed.
Growing older, I became sensitive to smell. The little girl choking on the bus smelled of singed wood, and the old man crossing the road stunk of gasoline.
In the fourth grade, my classmate Alex Castor smelled of lemons all morning.
I sat behind him, choking on the stink all the way through class.
Ever since I met him, Alex had always smelled… off.
It was a distinct smell I could never understand, and as the days and months and years went by, that smell morphed into a subtle orangey musk that was so strong I had to cover my mouth and nose. Then, he smelled like lemons.
During Recess, I watched Alex fall off of the jungle gym, straight onto his head.
Alex Castor was dead before the paramedics arrived, my panicked teacher attempting CPR when his brains were leaking out of his ears.
The school claimed it was an accident, but Alex would have been fine if the jungle gym wasn't built on solid concrete.
I told my team members this, and Levi was sceptical.
“You can smell bad things?” He said, his lips curved around his milkshake straw. In the early days, we hung out in the local bar. It's not like we were allowed inside, but Levi could get us in anywhere.
I was squeezed between Tom and Sunny, while Levi took the seat opposite us. I couldn't help noticing our waitress was insisting on free milkshake refills, her frantic eyes glued to Levi.
I had zero idea why. Levi Costella was about as intimidating as a fruit fly.
Wearing a white shirt with a popped collar, a leather jacket thrown over the top, Levi was giving rebellious Harvard student, rather than son of a crime family.
Leaning forward, he raised a brow, clearly not believing me.
“So, you're like a stink psychic?”
I shrugged, sipping my own shake.
“Sure.”
I wasn't planning on telling him the club room smelled off on our first day.
Once we actually started the club, Levi surprised us as the smartest member, and getting to know him further, I came to the realization his family were infamous in our town.
However, his parents hid it well. Lucy and Michael Costella were the owners of a popular ramen store in our town, hiding under the facade of two successful business owners. The Costella’s were an attractive family.
Lucy was a sophisticated brunette with a lipstick smile, Michael, a handsome fluffy haired man who looked like he modelled glasses.
The two were fiercely protective over their youngest son, not so casually reminding us behind grinning smiles, that if anything happened to Levi, we would automatically be involved in the family.
I mean, they did laugh and say, “We’re joking! Look at your little faces!” when Sunny went deathly pale. But there was definitely truth behind their words.
Being Levi’s friend was… challenging at first.
Tom and I were in his room studying for finals, and an alarm went off, flooding Levi’s room in red light.
I had zero idea where it was coming from, but it locked all the doors and windows, forcing the Costella residence into temporary lockdown. Levi didn't seem fazed, casually mentioning his parents were taking care of it.
He had a whiteboard set up in his room, and was standing in front of it, cramming all of our textbook notes into one easily digestible drawing.
Levi wasn't just smart.
He was Ivy League smart, so we had struck gold with him.
His family were questionable, and yes, sometimes I did fear for my life, but as the more time we spent at his house, the Costella household became a second home. We got used to the alarms.
I just brought along ear plugs.
I wish I was writing this post about Levi’s family, and sure, they are a factor in what is going on right now, but I want to preface this by saying the events below involve the 2024 scholastic decathlon final in our town with the school’s listed:
Starbrook High School.
Ratcliffe High School.
Please note, the incident that took place last night was immediately covered up, and all phone footage was destroyed. Our town is mostly out of the way, and does not show up on Google searches.
We also have our own version of the academic decathlon, which is a more town-level competition, due to lacking funds. The four of us were desperate to start competing with our schools.
So, we started taking things a little more seriously.
We got a coach.
Mr Hanes, who was hesitant at first.
In his words, “You will hate me as your coach.”
He started by recruiting more members, announcing, “If you want to be taken seriously as an actual club, then I'll be taking the reins from now on.”
He did, and with our teachers guidance (and sometimes brutal honesty), we reached a level where we could start competing with other school’s in town. Now, none of us knew this, but Mr Hanes was obsessed with winning.
So, club meetings were twisted into two hour study sessions with no talking, followed by Mr Hanes Jeaprody, which was Jeaprody, without the actual fun.
We were quizzed multiple times, answer cards and practise questions quite literally thrown directly in our faces.
I hate to admit this (I really hate to admit this) but Mr Hanes’s tactics worked. Sure, we had been mildly brainwashed by our slightly unhinged coach, but with Levi Costella, we destroyed our competitors. Like I said, our town held their own version of the academic scholastic decathlon, but it was pretty much the same, with some changes.
Ten subjects. Language and Literature, Math, Social Science, Economics, Art, Music, Interview, Speech, and Essay.
Unlike the official Decathlon, ours was more like a game show, with the ability to be knocked out if a team member answers a question wrong. Whoever answers the most questions correctly wins. Team meet ups were either tests, study sessions, or quizzing each other.
Which leads me to last night.
The finals were held in the reigning champions, Ratcliffe High School’s, auditorium.
And we were about to win our town’s Scholastic Decathlon 2024 Championships.
Well…I was knocked out in the music section. Standing next to my coach who I was sure was going to asphyxiate from excitement, I could smell the sudden potent stink of lemon. I tried to ignore it at first, but the more questions my team were answering correctly, the smell got worse, suffocating my senses.
This wasn't just lemon. The stink was like a burning, singing smell trickling into my nose and the back of my throat.
It was stronger than what Alex smelled like.
This was suffocating, drowning my thoughts.
“Are you okay, Cassandra?”
Mr Hanes nudged me when a Ratcliffe girl was struggling to answer a question, only for Sunny to jump in with the answer. “You look quite pale.”
I nodded, forcing a smile.
My gaze was on the Ratcliffe coach, a scary looking blonde woman, whispering in one of her student’s ears.
The Ratcliffe kid freaked me out. He was way too tall, dark blonde hair, and bulging eyes I swear were not blinking.
His gaze was glued to Levi, who wore a smug grin.
There was a smaller girl next to the Ratcliffe kid, a Macbook balanced on her knee. Every so often, he leaned into her, the two of them in deep conversation.
“I'm just nervous.”
I jumped when Ratcliffe scored a point, their side erupting into cheers.
During the break, we had a mini team meeting.
Sunny rushed to the bathroom to freshen up, and I noticed a Ratcliffe girl with a bouncing ponytail following her.
Ignoring our coach’s speech, I joined the two girls in the corridor, that lemony scent hanging thick in the air.
I caught them in an awkward position.
The Ratcliffe girl had her fingers pinched between the material of Sunny’s dark blue shirt bearing our school’s name.
Sunny looked confused, her lips parted like she was going to yell.
Ponytail dropped her hand, suddenly, with a nervous laugh. “Oh! I'm so, so, sorry,” she gushed. “You had, like, the biggest spider crawling on your back.”
Sunny caught my eye, shooting me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” She made sure to keep her distance. “Uh, where's your bathroom?”
The Ratcliffe girl nodded down the hallway. “It's just down there. I'm going there too if you want me to show you?”
Sunny motioned for me to go back to the auditorium. “Uh, sure! That'd be great!”
I did try to follow them, only for Sunny to cough loudly.
I took the hint, reluctantly heading back into the auditorium.
My team was hyping each other up, Levi in the centre, sweating through his team shirt. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “I can't do this,” He groaned. “Ratcliffe High is known to play dirty, man. They're unbeatable.”
“In what way do they play dirty?” I asked, joining them.
Levi gulped down water, shrugging.
“I dunno! They're already trying to distract me with the stink eye.” The boy narrowed his eyes at a grinning Ratcliffe kid who, after noticing our stares, jumped to his feet, waving at us.
“Hey guys!”
“That's Harry Cartwright, the son of the Cartwright family who tried to kill my parents in the third grade.” Levi mockingly waved back. “As you can see, their kid is a fucking sociopath.”
Huh. I wasn't expecting the smiley kid to be the mobster’s son.
Harry Cartwright was not what I expected.
Unlike his team members, he was the only one in casual clothing, a short sleeved white shirt and jeans, a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head.
Tom went pale.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “He’s one of you? Then those bastards will have a reason to play dirty, right?”
Levi shrugged, averting his gaze. It was the first time I saw his eyes darken, like he was subtly telling the boy to back off.
“The Cartwright’s have been trying to buy our land for a while,” he muttered. “I wouldn't put it past them to use the Decathlon as a way to attack.”
“Attack?!” April, another member of our team, hissed. “Like, attack attack?”
Mr Hanes grabbed the boy, resting his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “Ignore them,” he said. “Hey. Look at me.”
Levi did, raising a brow.
“You're losing that spark in your eye, young man.”
“Spark?”
Our coach nodded. “Look at me, kid.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “I am looking at you, Mr Hanes.”
The man was shaking. I was guessing his whole career (or coaching career) was on the line.
“They know they're losing, Mr Costella.”
Hanes shook the boy, squeezing his shoulders. “You are being positive and Ratcliffe doesn't like that. They want you to be nervous. They want to make you second guess yourself and lose confidence. Don't let them get into your head.” he smiled, giving the boy a playful shove. “Kick their asses.”
“Exactly!”
I didn't realize Sunny was back from the bathroom.
The faint smell of lemons had followed her. I noticed a wet patch on her shirt collar, though she was quick to smile at me, admitting she'd spilled water down herself. Sunny wrapped her arms around Levi, squeezing him into a hug.
She hung on for a little too long, Tom dragging her away with a laugh. “Good luck, all right?” she backed away, ruffling his hair. “We’ve got this!”
When I hugged Levi good luck too, I had to resist covering my nose.
The smell of lemon was unbearable, just like fourth grade Alex.
But it wasn't as potent as earlier.
I vaguely remembered the smell starting to fade once Alex’s body was being carted away on a stretcher.
Following my captain through the crowd, I was right. The smell was less suffocating. Before he went back to the stage, I grabbed the back of his shirt.
The material was soaking wet.
“How are you so wet?” I said, swiping my hands on my shirt.
“Huh?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. Do you remember what I told you in sophomore year?”
Levi settled me with a confident, but nervous smile. “Thaaaat you're scared of clowns?”
“No. I mean the boy who smelled of lemons.” I gritted out.
Levi surprised me with a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
Levi did know what I was talking about. He brought up my stink sense a day earlier in front of his parents, and I had to cover his mouth to shut him up.
Leaning close, I whispered in his ear. “You stink of rotten lemons.”
He nodded slowly, pulling away. “Uh… thanks?”
I bit back a hiss of frustration. “No, you don't understand what I'm saying–”
“Starbrooke High School,” The host announced. “Can all members please return to the stage.”
Levi held up his hand for a high five.
“Can we do this later?” He winked. “I'm kinda busy carrying this spelling-bee on my back right now.”
I nodded shakily, high fiving him, and letting him jump back onto the stage.
Before his words hit like a tidal wave, ice cold water slammed into me.
Spelling Bee?
Slowly making my way back to the stands, Levi’s mistake was circling around my head. He did win a spelling bee, but that was in middle school.
Thankfully, the smell of lemons was gone when I returned to my seat.
Mr Hanes handed me a soda. “Chill out, Cassandera, it's just a game.”
He could talk. The guy was on his fifth coffee.
Mr Hanes was not chilled out in the slightest.
Surprisingly, the event went well. I was half expecting my team to be crushed by the rafters, or caught in a blaze started in the crowd. But we were doing well. No, we were winning.
Reaching the climaxing round, Sunny choked against a smug Ratcliffe boy, joining me on the sidelines.
Levi answered the next question with a confident smile.
We were winning, but Ratcliffe could still catch up with a miracle.
The second to last question was to Ratcliffe, and it was general knowledge.
”Where on the human body would one find the *orbit?*
I knew the answer, and so did Levi, his lips breaking out into a smile when the Ratcliffe boy was hesitating, eyes wide.
Our school’s buzzer went off, Levi slamming his hand down.
Bzzz!
The host turned to our team. “Starbrooke, can I have your answer?”
Levi nodded, shooting our team a victory grin.
“It's…!“ He opened his mouth to answer, his jaw slackening suddenly.
The boy’s shoulders slumped.
“Uh… “
“Um…”
“Huhhhhh…”
Levi inclined his head, blinking, his eyes glazing over. There was a sudden, hollow vacancy that sent chills down my spine. It was like someone had reached into his skull, and yanked out his brain, leaving a shell in his place.
To my confusion, our team captain frowned at his buzzer like he'd never seen one before. He pressed it, exploding into child-like giggles.
Bzzz!
The audience laughed along nervously.
Tom nudged me. “What the fuck is he doing?”
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Levi’s entire body was slumped, his hand slamming down on the buzzer.
I caught something pooling down his chin.
“Is he… drooling?” I whispered.
Mr Hanes looked mildly horrified. “Has he been drinking?
“Levi?” Tom spluttered. “Drinking?!"
Whatever we were watching, however, was definitely influenced by… something.
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz!
“Young man, that is not a toy!”
The host wasn't amused. “Starbrooke High School, I need an answer from you,” He nodded to Levi, who was pressing the buzzer, his smile growing.
“Once again,” The host backed away, like Levi was contagious. “Where on the human body would one find the Orbit?”
Levi cocked his head, lips parted.
His gaze found the overhead lights, and he winced, his lips curling into a frown.
“Starbrooke High School!”
Levi jumped, tipping his head back and blowing a raspberry. “Palm tree?”
The audience laughed, and I started feeling nauseous.
Across from us, I could see the twist of a smirk on the Ratcliffe coach’s lips.
Bzzz! Levi slammed the buzzer again giggling.
“Starbrooke High School, if your team member continues to act like this, I will be forced to disqualify all members.”
Our captain stopped, gaze glued to the host, his hand creeping towards the buzzer, like it was a big red button.
The audience loved it, laughing like they were watching a sitcom.
“He wouldn't.” Tom whisper-shrieked.
The auditorium was silent for a moment, awaiting Starbrooke’s response.
Levi stuck out his tongue, slamming his hand down.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz–
When Tom dragged Levi away from his podium, a Ratcliffe girl hit her buzzer.
“Starbrooke High School, you are disqualified,” the host announced. “Ratcliffe High School, do you have an answer?”
It was Ponytail who nodded with a grin.
“The answer is the eye socket! The Orbit is part of the eye socket!”
“That is the correct answer.” The host was distracted, his eyes glued to Levi.
“Ratcliffe High School wins.”
Levi jumped when the Ratcliffe wide erupted into cheers.
His eyes were wide, clinging onto the buzzer for comfort.
Next to me, our coach looked like he was going to faint.
I barely noticed Ratcliffe’s victory, too busy watching our team captain, who was Harvard bound, tipping his head back and smiling at the ceiling like a new-born baby. Tom dragged the stumbling boy over to me, his mouth twisted.
“This was Ratcliffe, right?” He hissed, shaking our captain, who was struggling, squirming in his grip.
“Did they put something in his drink?!” He prodded Levi. “Hey! What did they do to you?!”
Still, though, drugging his drink didn't make sense.
Levi never left the auditorium, and kept his water bottle with him the whole time.
How did they even manage to slip something into his drink in the first place?
Did I smell our competitors drugging him?
Sure, intentionally inebriating my teammate was morally wrong and illegal, but why could I smell lemon?
“I doubt it was Ratcliffe.” Sunny squeezed next to me. “I've been watching them. They're harmless.”
“Then how the fuck do we explain this to his parents?!” Tom whispered, grappling with Levi, who was fighting to get back to the buzzer.
When Tom let go of him, he dropped onto the floor, crawling over to his podium. It was like watching a child.
Who was determined to piss off the adults.
Levi jumped back to instead feet, his gaze was glued to the host, a smile curved on his lips, when he slammed the buzzer again.
Bzzz!
“Someone, please remove the Starbrooke boy from the stage!”
I was embarrassed, our whole team ducking our heads as our captain was forcibly removed from the podium.
Mr Hanes grabbed Levi, pulling him off of the stage.
I expected our coach to be mad at him, but I think the teacher was more worried, a phone pressed to his ear while he forced the boy into a sitting position.
No, I don't think it's influence from alcohol, I could hear his conversation.
Levi kept trying to get up, mesmerised by the buzzer. The teacher was firm but gentle. “Hey. Sit down, all right? Keep still.” He went back to his phone call, gently prying Levi’s eyes open.
From what I can see, there's nothing wrong. He's just kind of…
Mr Hanes swiped his own hands on his jeans. ... wet?
Team Ratcliffe came over to rub it in our faces, though I was still tuned into our coach’s hissed whispering.
Water? No, I don't think it's water. It smells… no, I haven't told his parents…
“You guys did awesome!” Ponytail's voice was sugary sweet. Too sugary.
She held the 2024 trophy, bearing a satisfied smile. I noticed the Ratcliffe members were surrounding Harry, like guards.
“Better luck next time, okay?” She held out her hand, her eyes twinkling.
“No hard feelings?”
“Control your dog.” Harry said, amused eyes flicking to Levi, who was once again sprinting back to the fucking buzzer. His eyes had visibly darkened, lips curled into a triumphant smile.
Harry Cartwright was watching Mr Hanes chase our team captain like it was his own personal entertainment.
I had to look away before I died of second hand embarrassment.
“What did you put in his drink?” Tom demanded. “Weed? Edibles?” the boy attempted to shove Harry, only to be pushed back. “What the fuck did you do to him?”
Harry’s smile didn't waver. “Like I said. Control your mut.”
When the Ratcliffe team walked away, our red faced coach struggling with Levi, who was behaving progressively more erratically, informed us we were longer welcome inside the school.
Tom suggested calling an ambulance, but our coach was hesitant.
We all knew who Levi’s family were.
On the way out, Tom matched my stride. He was frowning at our team captain struggling to walk.
The way he was acting was already eyebrow raising.
But walking at an angle and being unable to stand up straight was worrying.
“I don't think they drugged his drink.” Tom muttered.
We pushed through the doors out of the school, and I revelled in the cool night air grazing my cheek. “If they did, he would be acting out of it, right? So, what's the deal with him acting like–”
“A child.” I finished for him.
“Yeah.” Tom leaned closer. “Do you think this has something to do with their turf war?”
I slapped at a bug creeping across my cheek.
Levi fell over again, this time bursting into giggles.
“Almost definitely.”
Levi was right about Ratcliffe playing dirty. I didn't realize how dirty until we were on the losers bus home. Levi was in the seat next to me, and the kid hadn't moved since we left Ratcliffe, his eyes wide, lips pulled into a dazed grin.
Bzzz!
The noise startled me from slumber. I was drooling, my head pressed against the window. Outside, the sky was pitch dark, and squinting through the glass, I couldn't get a bearing on where we were. I thought I was hearing things, but when I sat up, I heard it again.
Bzzz!
It was close.
Leaning over the boy, I glimpsed a smear of scarlet on his headrest.
I choked on my next words.
“Tom.”
Tom was in front of me, listening to music.
He didn't reply, his head of dark blonde curls nodding to the beat.
“Levi.” I managed to get out. I prodded him, and his head lolled into his shoulder. “Hey. Can you… sit up?”
Bzzz! Bzzz!
When the boy didn't move, I gently grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward myself, something contracting in my stomach.
I don't know how long it takes for your mind to fully register something, but my body was already reacting.
Levi’s seat was infested with bugs, eating their way through the upholstery. I was aware of my body moving back. I threw up, instantly, screaming into my hand.
The back of my best friend's skull resembled a deflated soccer ball, what was left of his brain leaking from his skull where a swarm of skittering bugs chewed their way through brain tissue, metallic legs scratching the curved, pearly white of the base if his skull.
Levi’s head hung, his body flopping into mine.
But his eyes were still open, lips still stretched into a smile.
Blood ran in thick rivulets from his nose and ears.
Bzzz!
I could see them, black writhing dots alive in his eyes, wriggling movement under his skin.
“Tom!”
I jumped up, stumbling into the aisle, my stomach heaving.
And it was only when I was on my knees, swiping bile from my lips, when I realized the others weren't reacting.
Tom wasn't moving.
I pulled an Airpod out of his ear, a long, slithering string of pink attached to the end.
There was a stray bug skittering across his hand, his face starting to twitch and writhe.
Moving back, I checked myself over, my hands shaking.
Head.
Shoulders.
Hair.
Clawing through it, my breath was stuck in my throat.
Arms.
Legs.
Feet.
Mr Hanes was slumped against the window, a reddish froth bubbling from his mouth.
Sunny.
I started towards the back of the bus, but all I had to see was her bowed head, half of her skull chewed through.
Sunny was in a far more deteriorated state, her face had been ripped through, a skeletal smile glinting in the dim.
The thick black smear on the window next to her was moving.
When I screamed for the driver to stop the bus, he ignored me.
If anything, he stamped on the gas.
I moved forward to shake him, before glimpsing a bug creeping down his face.
Calling 911, the operator laughed at me.
“Bugs are eating your friends.” He said. “Do you know the penalty for calling with bullshit pranks?”
The bus didn't stop, so I stayed at the front, while the bugs took over the back, eating through my teammates.
After four hours, I risked leaning over the seat next to Tom to check on Levi.
They were eating him.
Chewing all the way through skin, muscle and bone.
I tried to stop the bus, but the driver’s hands were tightly wrapped around the wheel.
Another hour, and blood was seeping down the aisle, crawling with bugs.
Levi was gone, and in his place, a buzzing skittering pile of bugs, that I thought were going to move to a second victim, maybe burrowing into the seats.
But, no.
These things began to tremble, replicating.
Building.
Slowly, nothing became static, and static became muscle.
Then bone.
Then flesh.
When a body began to slowly form, moulded from the dead boy, I stumbled back.
These things weren't eating Levi Costella.
They were rewriting him.
…
Edit: I'm still on the bus. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm infected with whatever this thing is. I can't stop fucking itching.
I keep picking them off me but they won't stop. This bus isn't going to stop until I'm like the others.
…
Edit 2:
I can feel them chewing into my skull. They're in my ears. I keep spitting them out. Please, someone get them off of me. Help me. I don't want to die at 17.
Edit 3:
Still alive. Still breathing. Maybe they're leaving me alone????? I think I'm okay. There is a pile of bugs at my feet, but they're crawling off of me.
Edit 4:
Levi really wants to go home. Like, he just told me he REALLY wants to go home. He's got a gift for his parents.
~~Edit 5 :) ~~
Levi is next to me right now, an odd smile on his face.
The bugs are not finished building him yet, but he'll be ready soon.
We will be ready soon.
Your son says hello! He is a wonderful boy, is he not?
Mr and Mrs Costella, I cannot wait for you to meet him.
He is our greatest achievement, and rest assured, you will give us what we want.
Warm regards.
The Cartwright's.

Today I'm discussing Master of All, which is a perk from Generic Gamer. If you've never seen this perk or heard of this jump... this perk is probably the best singular perk in the jump (though ALL of them are really good), but it's not the INTENDED reason to come here. I personally think an early jump could stand to benefit from fusing GGJ with a more mundane jump (which is what my latest story-jumper is doing though not by choice) and grabbing this perk, it's appeal is kind of amazing. Now let's see the ACTUAL perk!

Master of All: Specialists focus on depth at the expense of breadth; generalists focus on breadth at the expense of depth. But what if you could focus on a single ability and have it benefit all of them? When you train one skill, ability, or power, that training and development applies not just to it, but to all of the skills, abilities, and powers you possess.

This is, understandably, a capstone perk. It is immensely powerful, and is the best TRAINING perk I've ever seen. There are BETTER perks out there for mastering stuff, heck I'll even include the other capstone in this jump just so you can see a better perk for MASTERING something.

Hyperspecialization: There’s focusing in a few specific areas, and then there’s this. Select a single skill, ability, power, Perk, whatever, so long as it’s possible to improve. At base, two things happen. A: the chosen ability progresses as if you’re training with it all the time, even when you’re doing nothing; if you were to actively train with it, the rate of growth would be effectively doubled. B: the rate of growth and development for the chosen ability is multiplied by a hundred.
Now, keep in mind that that’s just at base — both of these boosts increase gradually but exponentially the longer you focus on a single ability. Give it a few days, and the rate of growth will be multiplied by two hundred; a month, and by a thousand. You can change what ability you’re focusing on at any time at the cost of resetting the accrued exponential boosts.

Hyperspecialization IS a better perk if you want to master singular skills (or if you need a boost in power or skill in some SPECIFIC area but don't have the time to actually sit down and hone that area), but if you want to TRAIN something, if you value working for your goals, and if you want to be a jack of all trades Master of All is the better perk. And of course you could always grab BOTH perks, you could even do so without a SINGLE drawback AND you could still get other perks WITHOUT stacking drawbacks due to the discount mechanics of this jump. But I strongly prefer Master of All, personally.
Master of All is a very creative way to reward engagement in a setting which is something I'm always a fan of. A smart jumper who is not constrained by something like the notion of a fickle benefactor who ACTUALLY punishes boring jumpers might get something like Hyperspecialization and want to turtle up, but with Master of All you need to do SOMETHING for it to benefit you. Now WHAT you do doesn't matter, so long as you do SOMETHING that serves as training.
A very fun build could be for someone to snag both Skills, which is a function of the gamer system in Generic Gamer and then grab MoA and go to something like Generic School Years and diligently study. That studying will definitely count for MoA, since studying will definitely become or involve a skill as defined by Skills. This means that while you're studying you're becoming better at gymnastics, or cooking, or painting, or... using The Force, or mana management, or whatever other skills you've gained at this point in your journey.
One small facet of Master of All that is very interesting is how it stacks with uncappers and the very neat knowledge that there is a free uncapper in Generic Gamer (it's a facet of the gamer system!). This means that Master of All will eventually give you stuff like functionally limitless stamina and potentially unlimited strength, once you get the right upgradeable stuff at least. A fun thing I like about this perk is how it affects stuff like workouts. Workouts not only make you more physically fit with this, they also strengthen your perks, strengthen facets of your physique, and can even improve your luck (assuming there is a perk for your luck, which there IS in this jump in two senses: there's The Devil's Own Luck, AND there's a gamer function called Attributes, which CAN give you a luck stat if you want, I recommend it partially to mix with this perk). The idea that going for a joydrive can strengthen your telekinesis, or actively make you smarter is very funny but also very true with this perk and the right mix of gamer things.
This perk on it's own is somewhat limited, but a smart strategist who wants their jumper to be able to stand alone has a lot of options they can use. Two of my favorites here are Jack of All Trades and Experience Booster. JoAT is a fun perk that makes it much easier for you to hone new perksyou acquire along your chain, and Experience Booster is just a POWERHOUSE of a perk that boosts how much experience you get from anything that gives you experience, whether you only get it from defeating enemies or you get it from doing minor stuff, and if you mix it with Master of All you get a powerful combination since it makes it so that your workouts buff your brain by twenty times as much as they would otherwise. The best way to cheese it has got to be to go all in on game-ifying your life and taking the skills function of the gamer system, which allows you to make a ton of stuff into a skill, which thus plugs it into the Master of All functionality. Here, look at the description of Skills so you can see what I mean.

Skills (-100/-200/-300 GP)
For 100 GP, any ability or skill you possess becomes a ‘Skill’, with a skill level, increasing in power and efficiency as it levels up, done by gaining enough experience, which is gathered by using the skill; Level 1 is maximum inefficiency, while Level 99 is the maximum efficiency you could normally get — you can go even beyond that, though, with no hard cap to how high a skill’s level can be. The higher a skill’s level, the more experience required to get it to the next level. Generally, the more powerful and useful a skill, the slower it is to level up.
Any powers, skills, or abilities you already possess are automatically converted into System Skills. You may gain new skills by performing relevant actions; for example, throwing a knife might earn you the skill ‘Knife Throwing’. Skills will not deteriorate with time or disuse.
For an additional 100 GP, once a skill has reached Level 99, it may ‘prestige’, granting you an at least vaguely similar but much more powerful skill at Level 1 without taking away this one or, occasionally, traits if you’ve purchased the option. Prestige skills may themselves prestige. Prestige skills are especially difficult to level up.
For an additional 100 GP, you may ‘combine’ certain skills into a new one — without actually losing the ingredient skills.

This is hands down the best way to cheese this. This is also just a VERY good function in general, but guaranteeing that your skills can improve AND uncapping how good the stuff you do and the stuff you make can be is INCREDIBLE. This also allows you to become holistically better at everything just by cooking, or reading, and thus rewards you for having hobbies. This perk is very nice because it frees you from the constraints of training and having to incorporate stuff that makes you a stronger jumper but is more time-consuming and is not what a native would do.
I'm gonna take a beat to talk about Hyperspecialization again because one thing that's worth mentioning is that it's a passive trainer perk. It's MORE than that, sure, and in fact if you get it you're getting something worth every bit of CP you pay for it, but at it's core it's an enormously powerful passive trainer. There are other passive trainers. There didn't USE to be, at least not a LOT of them, but they exist now (these types of perks exist in several Edrogrimshell jumps, usually they are named "Dabbler" but not all of them have that name) so this perk has lost of some what made it unique. A perk doesn't have to be unique to be valuable, but it helps. Master of All, on the other hand is part of a, as far as I've seen, rarer type of perk: a training synergizer (something which blends types of training and studying together), and it's also a COMPLETE training synergizer which I've never seen before or anywhere else (normally the training synergizers I've seen link SPECIFIC skills, such as a perk from Generic Wizard which syncs how strong you are with your skill as a wizard, or a perk from Generic Culinary Warrior that links your cooking and combat skills). What this means is that if you miss out on Hyperspecialization you can go to other jumps and snag an equivalent perk there. In fact, you can actually grab something that is a MINOR improvement over Hyperspecilization, because all of the passive trainers I've seen let you passively train more than one thing at a time. It IS true that Hyperspecilization beats out these other, baby perks in how quickly it trains what you assign, but that minor aspect of its winning out is somewhat lessened in importance when you remember that placing something new in the lone slot hyperspecialization gives you resets how fast it trains the thing in question. Master of All is both less easy to compare to other existing perks and doesn't have any internal conditions that weaken active usage of it like Hyperspecialization does.
Now that's not to put you off of Hyperspecialization, if I were in a real chain I'd want to grab BOTH Hyperspecialization and Master of All (and not just because MoA completely removes the weakness of Hyperspecialization, but that's certainly a part of it haha), these are INCREDIBLY powerful perks, but one is... one is more universally useful than the other. Master of All is just an absolute S-tier perk. I cannot imagine any build where MoA is applicable where it wouldn't be an absolute GOD-TIER of a purchase. The only possible combination I could think of that might invalidate MoA would be the Sage x Spirit Touched combination from the ATLA Redux jump, and that'd be most of your base CP in a jump that has MULTIPLE sections worth of stuff to try and grab.
To put this in perspective, with a perk like this and the right combination of gamer things you can go into a setting like Chronicle and hone your telekinesis by working on your photography skills. You can become a better chef by doing your math homework and rereading whatever chapter of MacBeth you're on in English. Once you've gained the right skills you can become better at soccer and other sports while you design a website. Become a better wizard by practicing juggling. This is an incredible QoL perk that frees you from a lot of the time-crunchiness that comes with only having a decade in a setting as opposed to a lifetime. Honestly that's kind of the biggest strength of the particular nature of the Generic Gamer Jump, it does a LOT to free up your time and really let you optimize your time in a setting.

Generic Gamer As A Time Optimizer

So depending on the setting, a decade is either a LOT of time or it's BARELY any time. In Avatar the Last Airbender, a decade can be a HUGE amount of time (the entire plot of the first show is about one calendar year according to one of the show's execs), but in Harry Potter a decade is only a bit more time than the plot takes, and truthfully is barely a blink of an eye. So perks that allow you to have a special relationship with time are always good.
One of the critical facets of Generic Gamer is how it allows you to optimize time. There's definitely some underlying logic here, since game characters have INCREDIBLE growth rates, and I love that about this jump. Generic Gamer, for the cost of 50 GP lets you lose the need to sleep, the need to eat, and the need to drink. That is an INCREDIBLE boost to the amount of functional time you have in a jump, if you started your chain off as a base human and entered this jump as a non-boosted human or as an only minorly-boosted human. Getting rid of three of the most essential bodily needs for the cost of 50 points in a thing where you start off with 1350 points makes it a steal (You get different points for perks and for gamer system customization in this jump).
A big part of how essential this is, is how much time it saves you by eliminating sleep but in all honesty removing your need to drink or eat is also critical. I don't know how many jumps could safely be taken as first jumps that completely eliminate the need for sleep, food, AND water, but this one can and that's pretty OP given the costs. Also, bv eliminating the need for stuff like food and water you make entire other jumps wholly more viable. Minecraft, for example, becomes WILDLY safer if you don't have to work about starvation, since hunger is directly linked to your ability to recover from wounds but in Generic Gamer you can completely subvert this system by spending 100 GP: purchase Gamer Body (eliminating the need for food) and also purchase the HP System (which gives you fiat-backed regen, so long as you don't take a hit for a beat, giving you a passive heal much like some FPS games).
Gamer's Body & HP System guarantee you survive any setting that isn't actively trying to kill you, and also frees you up to more safely do what you want like explore or just have a good time. If you don't have to pay for food or housing for sleep, you either don't need money or you need a LOT less of it. Stuff like this is also DRAMATICALLY powerful for vampires and other creatures that are normally driven by, or at least associated with, constant hunger. Also this just makes zombie jumps hilariously easy for you to solo since the number of risks you have to take (while solo) are SO MUCH lower. Funnily enough the right set of perks here even lower the risks you have to take when you work WITH other people, as Inventory lets you both raid places by yourself (since you can store an infinite amount of stuff on you by yourself) AND lowers how much supplies you need for your friends (since time doesn't pass for stuff in your inventory, preventing it from going bad!).
This jump is also filled with training boosters, with Jack of All Trades, Experience Booster, Hyperspecialization, and Master of All all qualifying as training boosters broadly, they all just qualify as different TYPES of training boosters. This is very interesting, since one of the big things a lot of adventure jumpers will need sooner or later are training boosts of their own. The best training boost here is Experience Booster which buffs training by 100 times, a STUNNING boost to one's training, and this stacks hilariously with every other training booster here.
I have a lot of thoughts on this jump and I think I'll keep writing them down from time to time. It's just so good.

Hello stranger, i know it is hard to find someone compatible, especially online, but i wish luck to all of you reading this post. And if i am really lucky, maybe i will find what i’m looking for aswell.
My intentions are clear: i want to find You. I want to find the right person for the right cause which is starting a family together. The question is: is that You?
I think three important factors you looking for are: 1. Mutual attraction 2. Similar goals/shared interests 3. He is not a complete dumbass
I will start with mutual attraction. I’m willing to exchange pics in private just so we know that this can work and you like my appearance. I don’t want to add my pic to this post cause i care about my privacy. I will be honest by saying it is an important objective, a physical attraction. To make things easier i can say a few things about my looks: 5”11 (180 cm), 187 lbs (85 kg +/-), blue eyes, black hair, broad shoulders, deep voice.
Second most important thing for you is who i am and what i like.
I’m a man of strong moral fiber. I value honesty, loyalty and kindness. I treat people right and i’m willing to help whenever i have a chance, i also care for my family which is super important to me. I see myself as a conservative person. I hold traditional values and i got much respect for religion and history. Individual freedom and free speech is all i’m about, also i’m a pacifist, i will defend my family and close ones with all i have, but at the same time i’m not looking for troubles and not getting into fights, that was never my thing, i like to resolve problems with words, not fists.
Shared interest paragraph is ready to go. I like to read a lot, i also write some stuff, im getting ready to publish my book one day (all i need is more inspiration from You, be my Muse). Music is my thing, i’m going to a lot of concerts and festivals, road trips, watching youtube channels about history, science, cosmos and some other topics, i’m watching a lot of tv series and movies, like to spend time outside by walking or hiking, i like outdoors but i’m also a huge fan of spending time in bed and doing nothing sometimes.
My goal is to find a fine woman to start a family with. I always wanted to have a child, i think 2 or 3 is just the right number. I even have some names for kids, we can discuss it. I know how it is to grow up without a father figure that’s why i always wanted to give that to my children, a big and happy home where dad and mom loves each other a lot and sending this vibe to their children. I also want to show to my kids all the books and music albums i love so much and i want to be for them always to raise them well! So if you are up for that - awesome!
I want a woman who is ambitious, i want her to support me cause i will do the very same thing. I want you to watch a soccer game with me willingly and i want you to invite me to your world, show me what you love and i want to be in it for you, even if it means watching a silly show in tv. Whatever makes you feel good, i want to be a part of it. Support, support, support and don’t kill the other person’s vibe, i’m up for it.
I want a woman that is willing to talk about our feelings and everything, cause a real talk is the most important thing to build a strong foundation. Let’s talk and don’t hide our feelings.
Life is worth living and it is way better to spend it all with the person you love, i want to find that person here. Maybe that is You? Let’s find out.
Also, the last thing - i’m not a complete dumbass, sometimes i’m just a silly boy!
I wish you all the best, cheers!
Also i want to include one of my fav quotes recently:
'Cause when you talk about these things, something ignites in you, and I can see it on your face.
And I don't see that on a lot of people. And, you know, whatever that feeling is, when you feel it, I feel that too.
And it's not just here. It's... It's afterwards. What I'm trying to say is i really like the way that I feel when I make you feel the way that you do.”

for context, i'm mtf and 23, early in my transition. i consciously realized i was trans at 18. do you ever watch a show and it hits way closer to home than you expected and it gets you deeply introspective? i just watched baby reindeer and it sent me into a bit of a mental breakdown.
i have experienced some traumatic events when i was a child, some of them way back when i was in kindergarten, some of them sexual. i have always tried to think nothing of them, they feel too small to even call them traumatic. it feels like an insult to people with parents who were horribly abusive, or to rape survivors. and yet, they keep coming back to me and i keep remembering them, i cannot deny they have affected me and still do to this day.
i have not had the stereotypical trans experience as a child. i didn't believe i was a girl since the age of 5, i never told my parents i was actually a girl, i didn't crossdress. although i have always been very shy and quiet and hated boy stuff like soccer, i did not have explicitly feminine interests either and didn't play with girls' toys. what i have come to retroactively refer to as "gender dysphoria" in my very early childhood are feelings of strange disgust with my own image, be it seeing or hearing myself or simply my name, feelings of alienation, inferiority and a fundamental difference from my peers, and at some point a genuine belief that i was a robot and that i had mechanical parts. i felt thoroughly inhuman, but not like a girl. and later on, the derealization and depersonalization came, and my life has been a hazy gray slog ever since.
watching baby reindeer, i have come to the horrifying realization that this early "dysphoria" came at around the same time as those traumatic events, and i have not been able to shake off the thought that maybe none of that was dysphoria at all but a trauma response. perhaps even the dissociation, although that did only develop around the time when puberty began. perhaps even my bisexuality.
i fear that i am not trans enough for not having "actual" gender dysphoria as a child, and that i am just desperately trying to make sense of my trauma and seek answers by clinging to the trans label and retroactively trying to fit my experience into the mold.
i fear that my dysphoria is not consistent or bad enough, when other trans people are absolutely crippled by it. i feel like i am making a mockery of their suffering.
i fear that it is, in fact, just a fetish. i mean, trauma - especially sexual - is known to cause fetishes, and most of mine mine align 1:1 with the experiences i've had. what if being trans is one of them? what if the fact that i only got actual dsm5 symptoms of dysphoria late in life is a sign i am just an autogynephile? i am deathly afraid.
i fear that if i ever open up to a psychologist about any of this, i might just get slapped with a ptsd diagnosis and denied a gender dysphoria one. and more than that i fear that they might be right.
i fear that i might come to regret this in a few years, that maybe if i just worked on myself and my body and on dealing with my trauma i would've felt comfortable just being a twink or something. i have repressed my feelings for years, calling myself a "femboy" online, and doing nothing about it in real life. i could not express femininity in public because i lived in a conservative country, and i could not express femininity in private because i lived with my unaccepting parents. all i had was my shitty femboy larp on reddit, and my burden that only i knew. i posted porn to get any semblance of attention from chasers which i feel disgusted by now and clinged to it, as my life grew unbearably acrid. i caved in and ordered estrogen, and it felt so right at first, but what if repressing was right all along? what if there was no "repressing" to do at all? is this really the solution, or do i just desperately want it to be? i am afraid.

Currently having been feeling extra lonely more than the usual. It definitely has been years since I was in a relationship and I think it’s time for me to look for one. My name is Dany and I love a lot of things and I’m open to trying almost anything. My interest include outdoor activities like soccer, basketball, badminton, tennis, hiking, going out on nature walks. I also love playing video games(overwatch) and watching anime and love horrocrime videos. I also love fashion/thrifting and going out and finding gems to go eat at. I love good food it makes me happy when I’m sad.Physically I am 5’9 with a slim build and a light brownish skin tone(I’m Hispanic). I do have acne on my cheeks idk if that’s a turn off and wear glasses. If I was to rate myself 1-10 I’d say I’m a solid 6 to a light 7 not the ugliest but the most beautiful person. Personality wise I’m more on the introvert side but can be an extrovert at times. I’m more of a chill person who doesn’t do to much/extra. I try to be kind and empathetic to others although I have a rbf I’m not mean I swear unless you’re mean or straight up rude. I’m the type of person that values loyalty and trust who keeps it 100 with others if you keep it real with me. If you ride and die for me I’ll ride and die for you in this life and the next one. I also would say I love to be spontaneous like maybe one day we can chill and stay home the next go for a day hike and maybe the next hit the thrift stores or dress up fancy and go out to eat. I’m currently in school but am thinking to change careers and I work also so I’m a bit busy but I’ll try to make time if we click. I would prefer someone my race and also located nearby as my love language includes physical touch but anywhere and anyone is welcome. Thank u if you read this whole essay😁

Currently having been feeling extra lonely more than the usual. It definitely has been years since I was in a relationship and I think it’s time for me to look for one. My name is Dany and I love a lot of things and I’m open to trying almost anything. My interest include outdoor activities like soccer, basketball, badminton, tennis, hiking, going out on nature walks. I also love playing video games(overwatch) and watching anime and love horrocrime videos. I also love fashion/thrifting and going out and finding gems to go eat at. I love good food it makes me happy when I’m sad.Physically I am 5’9 with a slim build and a light brownish skin tone(I’m Hispanic). I do have acne on my cheeks idk if that’s a turn off and wear glasses. If I was to rate myself 1-10 I’d say I’m a solid 6 to a light 7 not the ugliest but the most beautiful person. Personality wise I’m more on the introvert side but can be an extrovert at times. I’m more of a chill person who doesn’t do to much/extra. I try to be kind and empathetic to others although I have a rbf I’m not mean I swear unless you’re mean or straight up rude. I’m the type of person that values loyalty and trust who keeps it 100 with others if you keep it real with me. If you ride and die for me I’ll ride and die for you in this life and the next one. I also would say I love to be spontaneous like maybe one day we can chill and stay home the next go for a day hike and maybe the next hit the thrift stores or dress up fancy and go out to eat. I’m currently in school but am thinking to change careers and I work also so I’m a bit busy but I’ll try to make time if we click. I would prefer someone my race and also located nearby as my love language includes physical touch but anywhere and anyone is welcome. Thank u if you read this whole essay😁

Here's a (long) recap of my first strongman meet, Kansas Strongest Man & Woman 2024 hosted at Strong Barbell Club, April 13th, competed in the Novice category.
TL;DR had fun, met cool people, finished the meet 8/11.
Just as a quick background, I am 36 year old guy from Argentina, who started working out in his early 30s to be able to carry more weight and be better prepared for the field season (I'm a paleontologist), and also due to watching Brian, Martins and Juji on youtube back in the day. Before turning 30 I had no sport background except for occasional jogs and soccer matches with friends in my early 20s. I'm 5'7" (170 cms) and was around 188 pounds for the meet, my heaviest ever, normally around 180. Been living in the US for two years.
Events
Event 1: 400lbs farmers walk followed by a standing arm over arm with a sled+250lbs, 50ft. Had farmers to practice. Had a small sled but a short rope.
Event 2: Silver dollar deadlift for max, 3 attempts to find your max. Used blocks to practice.
Event 3: weight for height 28lbs (highlands game style), rising bar, 3 attempts, but if you fail you are out. Practiced with a kettlebell and a cheap pvc structure.
Event 4: 165lbs log for reps in 60 seconds. Had no log, managed to use one around 5 times a couple of weeks before the meet.
Event 5: sandbag and keg over bar medley. 200lbs keg followed by 200 bag followed by 225 keg and 245 bag. Had two sandbags, one 175lbs and the other 225. No keg.
Goals: 1) actually compete, been a fan of the sport for quite some time; 2) have some fun; 3) meet some other strongman people; 4) finish the meet with no injuries; 5) not zero more than one event.
Training: it went well, got around 13 weeks to prepare. The first 4 were basic strength training (squats, deadlifts, presses, rows, rdl) at high reps and lots of accessories for some hypertrophy work, almost no event training there. After that I started a strength block for 6 weeks, with a deload week somewhere in the middle. I lowered the number of reps and increased weight progressively each week until I reached some heavy triples, practiced most of the events (or at least as close to them as possible) at least once a week. Finally, I did two weeks of events only training including a mock meet at around 90% of comp weight. Final week was a deload, no cut was necessary since there was a unique novice category.
Meet day: had a normal breakfast (yogurt, fruit, eggs, coffee, took some creatine just in case), brought a couple of sandwiches, crackers, plenty of fruits, water, and gatorade to the meet.
Event 1: I was hoping for this to be a good event because I prepared quite well for the farmers, although not that well for the arm over arm because I only had a short rope. Sadly, when I was starting to get my grip on the farmers I kind of looked up and I hear someone say go! I wasn't sure if it was for me because I wasn't ready at all, so look at my judges and yes, the go signal was for me, so I started quite late and in a bad position, no brace, etc. I finished the run without drops and went to the arm over arm; things went relatively well until middle of the way when my grip started to fail me, but finished nonetheless. Bad result for my first event ever haha, position 10/11. But just laughed at what happened. Two things to get better at: paying more attention to the judges and more grip endurance.
Event 2: I was hoping to end up middle of the table but went better than expected, my best conventional deadlift was around 485. I understood what worked best for me just before the event while testing the setup (start really slow so that the whip doesn't move me all over the place), I think I went 440lbs (to be extra sure), 485 and a whopping 572. Super happy with the last pull and I even think I had over 600 in me. Got the 2nd heaviest weight and tied for 3rd/11.
Event 3: the implement at the meet felt completely different to the kettlebell due to the chain and its overall length, was grazing the ground with my swing. At home I went up to 15 feet, so I decided to jump to the event at 11ft and cleared it, skipped 12ft (error), and went for 13ft, but I failed miserably, not in height but trajectory, didn't went over the bar. Disappointing result but what are you going to do, shared 9th/11, onto the next one. One thing I did quite wrong was to stand directly in the sun for like an hour seeing other categories and waiting for my turn, stupid in hindsight. Shoutout to Mason to whom I talked a bit about practicing with a kettlebell and how different it felt.
Event 4: I've split jerked 210 in the past (did weightlifting for like 8 months) and push pressed comp weight for 5/6 reps in 60secs, but all of that with a barbell. Log was a different story, never really got the hang of it until my 5th and final session using one, where I barely managed 140lbs for one. During the comp I split-jerked the first rep no problem, although the split was horrendous, tried a second rep and failed, but managed to re-rack and after a split/push jerk/press fight I got a second rep. I thought I was short in time and didn't try a 3rd one. In reality I had more than enough time, but I never practiced with a timer, another thing to improve. 9/11. Another thing to improve would be getting a log to practice.
Event 5: didn't have much faith in me due to never touching a keg, but asked for some advice from a great guy to whom I talked in several occasions during the day, I think his name is Michael, thank you man! Did the first keg no problem (!) went to the sandbag and cleared it, then to the second keg and I gave it my all but couldn’t load it over the bar, was super close, no more than an inch away. 9/11. Biceps were mega bruised the next day due to the kegs.
Ended up 8/11, a little disappointed on my placement but just a little, was mostly happy to finally compete. I know I can do much better, and I'll do it next time.
Met some really cool people (hardest part for me, super introverted guy) thanks to a weightlifter friend of mine that came with me and helped me during the day, and especially helped me socialize haha.
Finally experienced the camaraderie of strongman, it was great, everyone cheering for the rest, giving tips to the novice like me. There was a kids category and seeing them compete and seeing everyone cheering for them at the top of their lungs was really wholesome. My friend was really impressed with the camaraderie part, he said he didn't experience that in his weightlifting meets.
Enormous shoutout to the organizers, helpers and everyone involved, thank you so much, the meet ran super smoothly (maybe except for the weight for height, but those things just consume a lot of time) and was a great experience overall.
Hope to be able to compete again in the future, maybe next year since I'm moving away for a few months now and won't be able to train much. So long and thanks for the fish.

It's mid-May, and I know that we've still got the final of the 2024 Concacaf Champions Cup upcoming, but let's take another (way too early) look at the qualification for the 2025 Concacaf Champions Cup.
Some notes on conventions:

• I use trigrams for clubs on first reference, even when we all know who we're talking about.
• I'm assuming the rules for qualification in 2025 will be the same as in 2024.
• If you see the term "named berth", this means any berth that is not simply given to the next best club in the standings that isn't already qualified.
• Bold indicates a club qualified for Champions Cup; italics indicates a club qualified for one of the regional competitions (Central America Cup, Caribbean Cup.)

COMPETITIONS THAT HAVE STARTED

LigaMX

Qualification Rules

• Six clubs qualify for Champions Cup through LigaMX.
• Both the 2023 Apertura and 2024 Clausura champions qualify; of these two clubs, the one with the most points between the two tournaments qualifies directly to the Round of 16. The other qualifies for the First Round.
  • Note that if either champion wins Leagues Cup, then both champions qualify for the Round of 16.
• Both the 2023 Apertura and 2024 Clausura runners-up qualify for the First Round.
• In addition, the two clubs with the most points between the two tournaments, not already qualified, will qualify for the First Round.
  • If any club qualifies through two or more named berths, then an additional club will qualify through points for each excess named berth so held.

Results

• América [MEX] won the 2023 Apertura tournament, defeating Tigres [MEX] in the final, 4-1 on aggregate. Both clubs are qualified.
• Note that after the conclusion of the 2024 Clausura regular season, América is on top of the aggregate table. Since they must end up the champion with the best record, they'll be receiving the bye into the Round of 16.
• Monterrey [MEX] and Chivas [MEX] were the next two best clubs in the aggregate table, so they're guaranteed a berth in the First Round.
• The semifinals of the Liguilla are set, with both finalists earning a berth.
  • América plays Chivas in one semifinal; as they've both earned a berth already, this assures Pumas [MEX] will be in the 2025 Champions Cup.
  • The other semifinal sees Monterrey play Cruz Azul [MEX]; should Monterrey advance, this would qualify Toluca [MEX].

Major League Soccer

Qualification Rules

• Five clubs qualify for Champions Cup through MLS.
• The 2024 MLS Cup champion qualifies directly to the Round of 16.
  • Note that if the MLS Cup champion also wins Leagues Cup, the MLS Cup runner-up qualifies directly to the Round of 16.
• Both regular season conference champions qualify for the First Round.
• In addition, the two clubs with the most points in the regular season, not already qualified, shall qualify for the First Round.
  • If a club qualifies for Champions Cup through two or more named berths (other than Open Cup champion or Canadian Championship winner), then an additional club with the most points in the regular season, not already qualified, shall qualify for the First Round.
  • Note that ties for points are broken by goal difference and then goals scored for the purposes of Champions Cup. Wins, which is the tiebreaker for the MLS Cup playoffs, is not used by Concacaf.
• Note that these berths are not country-locked; this is a relatively new policy starting with qualification for the 2024 tournament.

Canadian Premier League

Qualification Rules

• Two clubs qualify for Champions Cup through the CPL.
• The 2024 CPL champion qualifies for the First Round.
• The 2024 CPL shield winner qualifies for the First Round.
• Should a club win both named berths, the second-place club in the table will take a berth instead.

Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup

Qualification Rules

• One club qualifies for Champions Cup through the Open Cup.
• This berth goes to the club that wins the Open Cup.
  • Should the Open Cup champion already qualify for Champions Cup by other means, the Open Cup runner-up qualifies for Champions Cup.
  • If both the Open Cup champion and runner-up qualify for Champions Cup by other means, then this berth reverts to the club with the most points in the 2024 MLS season, not already qualified.
  • Concacaf reserves the right to accept or reject this berth; I suspect that if one of the remaining MLS reserve clubs wins MLS Cup, their senior club will advance to Champions Cup in their stead.

Canadian Championship

Qualification Rules

• One club qualifies for Champions Cup through the Canadian Championship.
• This berth goes to the club that wins the Canadian Championship.
  • Should the Canadian Championship winner already qualify for Champions Cup by other means, the Canadian Championship runner-up qualifies for Champions Cup.
  • If both the Canadian Championship winner and runner-up qualify for Champions Cup by other means, then this berth goes to the Canadian Championship semifinalist with the most points in their respective league, not already qualified.

COMPETITIONS YET TO START

Caribbean Cup

Qualification Rules

• Three clubs qualify for Champions Cup through the Caribbean Cup.
• The champion of Caribbean Cup qualifies directly to the Round of 16.
• The runner-up and third place club qualify for the First Round.

Seeding

• Eight berths are reserved for clubs from Dominican Republic, Haiti, Jamaica, and Trinidad and Tobago (two clubs each.)
• Two berths are awarded to the winner and runner-up of the Caribbean Shield, which contains the champions of all other nations in the Caribbean, as well as the next best clubs in the fully-professional countries.

Dominican Republic

• The 2023 champions, Cibao FC [DOM], and 2023 runner-up, Moca FC [DOM], qualify.

Haiti

• The two championship group winners will qualify.
• The groups are as follows:
  • Group A: Cavaly [HAI], Real Hope [HAI], Tempete [HAI]
  • Group B: América des Cayes [HAI], Baltimore [HAI], Ouanaminthe [HAI]

Jamaica

• The two finalists, Cavalier [JAM] and Mount Pleasant [JAM], qualify.

Trinidad and Tobago

• The top two finishers will qualify.
  • Note that Port of Spain [TRI] will be one of the two; the other will be either Police [TRI] or Defence Force [TRI].

Central American Cup

Qualification Rules

• Six clubs qualify for Champions Cup through the Central American Cup.
• The champion of Central American Cup qualifies directly to the Round of 16.
• The three remaining semifinalists all qualify for the First Round.
• In addition, two play-in winners (amongst losing quarterfinalists) qualify for the First Round.

Seeding

• Each of the seven Central American nations are awarded berths in the Central American Cup as follows:
  • Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Panama - 3 berths each
  • Nicaragua - 2 berths
  • Belize - 1 berth
• In addition, two berths are to be awarded based on sporting merit from last year's competition. Precedent dictates that they go to the countries of the two finalists in last year's Central American Cup (which is what they did for last year's tournament - using the 2022 Concacaf League as the basis). This would mean Costa Rica would get a fourth berth and Nicaragua would get a third berth.
• All countries with multiple berths issue their first two berths to the clubs that win each of their biennial tournaments; any additional berths go to the combined table.
  • Usually this is Apertura and Clausura, in that order; Panama does a calendar year schedule, so they run Clausura and then the following Apertura.

Costa Rica

• Costa Rica receives four berths.
• Saprissa [CRC] won the 2023 Apertura tournament, so they're guaranteed a berth.
• Herediano [CRC] and Alajuelense [CRC] are guaranteed to be, at worst, the two best clubs that are not champions.
• The 2024 Clausura semifinals are set and all three of the above clubs are qualified. The fourth berth will either go to San Carlos [CRC] if they win the league, or Guanacasteca [CRC] if they don't.

El Salvador

• El Salvador receives three berths.
• Águila [SLV] won the 2023 Apertura tournament, so they're guaranteed a berth.
• Luis Ángel Firpo [SLV] was the best club that isn't a champion, so they're in too.
• The 2024 Clausura semifinals are set; none of the above clubs are involved, so the last berth goes to the winner.
  • The matchups are:
    • Alianza [SLV] v FAS [SLV]
    • Municipal Limeño [SLV] v Isidro Metapán [SLV]

Guatemala

• Guatemala receives three berths.
• Comunicaciones [GUA] won the 2023 Apertura tournament, so they're guaranteed a berth.
• Municipal [GUA] was the best club in the combined table - by goal difference - so they will advance.
• The 2024 Clausura final is set; the last berth will go to either Mixco [GUA] if they win, or to Antigua GFC [GUA] if Municipal wins.

Honduras

• Honduras receives three berths.
• Olimpia [HON] won the 2023 Apertura tournament, so they're guaranteed a berth.
• Marathón [HON] was the next best club in the combined table, so they're safely in.
• Olimpia and Marathón will face each other in the 2024 Clausura final; this ensures that Motagua [HON] will qualify.

Nicaragua

• Nicaragua receives three berths.
• Diriangén [NCA] won the 2023 Apertura tournament, so they're guaranteed a berth.
• Real Estelí [NCA] was the next best club in the combined table, so they're safely in.
• Diriangén and Real Estelí will face each other in the 2024 Clausura final; this ensures that Managua [NCA] will qualify.

Panama

• Panama receives three berths.
• Independiente [PAN] won the 2023 Clausura tournament, so they're guaranteed a berth.
• Tauro [PAN] was the next best club in the combined table, so they're safely in.
• The 2024 Apertura semifinals are set, with the matchups being:
  • San Francisco [PAN] v Tauro [PAN]
  • Costa del Este [PAN] v Plaza Amador [PAN]
• If Tauro wins Apertura, San Francisco gets the last berth; otherwise it's whoever wins the tournament. (Yes, San Francisco has a double chance here, so to speak.)

Belize

• Belize receives one berth.
• Since there's only one berth to be given out, it goes to the tournament champion that finished higher in the combined table.
• Altitude [BLZ] won the Opening tournament, but unfortunately for them, finished lower in the combined table than either of the Closing tournament finalists.
• Therefore, the winner of the Closing final between Verdes [BLZ] and Port Layola [BLZ] qualifies for the Central American Cup.

Leagues Cup

Qualification Rules

• Three clubs qualify for Champions Cup through the Leagues Cup.
• The 2024 Leagues Cup champion qualifies directly to the Round of 16.
• The runner-up and third place club qualifies for the First Round.

Seeding

• América [MEX] and Columbus [USA] have been given byes to the knockout stage.
• The rest of the clubs in both LigaMX and MLS are placed in groups of three, and those groups are:
  • Monterrey [MEX], Pumas [MEX], and Austin FC [USA]
  • Cincinnati [USA], NYCFC [USA], and Querétaro [MEX]
  • Orlando [USA], Atlético San Luis [MEX], and CF Montréal [CAN]
  • Chivas [MEX], San Jose [USA], and LA Galaxy [USA]
  • St. Louis [USA], Dallas [USA], and Juárez [MEX]
  • Tigres [MEX], Puebla [MEX], and Inter Miami [USA]
  • Philadelphia [USA], Charlotte [USA], and Cruz Azul [MEX]
  • New England [USA], Nashville [USA], and Mazatlán [MEX]
  • Toluca [MEX], Sporting KC [USA], and Chicago [USA]
  • León [MEX], Portland [USA], and Colorado [USA]
  • Seattle [USA], Minnesota [USA], and Necaxa [MEX]
  • Pachuca [MEX], NY Red Bulls [USA], and Toronto [CAN]
  • Los Angeles FC [USA], Vancouver [CAN], and Tijuana [MEX]
  • Houston [USA], Real Salt Lake [USA], and Atlas [MEX]
  • Atlanta [USA], Santos Laguna [MEX], and DC United [USA]

The probable next update will be after June 6, when the Central American Cup and Caribbean Cup draw will be held. By that point, LigaMX will also be finished; we'll have the quarterfinals of the Canadian Championship and the Round of 16 of the US Open Cup in the books.

Blurb: (This is my query-in-progress.) THE FART GURU is a 42,000-word contemporary middle grade novel.
His real name is Pete or possibly Henry, but everyone calls him the Fart Guru. He’s a sixth grader who spends his recesses on top of a hill teaching his disciples how to fart on command. Kids in his school come to him to master the “grandpa fart” and the “earthquake fart,” but they also come for advice. Logan’s not fitting in with his soccer team. Kayla’s having problems with an impostor. Joe’s the victim of a cruel prank. Through their dealings with the mysterious Fart Guru, they try to figure out who the heck this guy is. There might be a truly great and wise guru beneath his philosophy of flatulence, or he might just be . . . full of hot air.
The Fart Guru is on a journey to become known for more than just farts. A lot more. But greatness is like a fart—once you achieve it, a distance forms between you and others. He might act like he has all the answers, but he still has to figure out whether he wants to be known as some wise weirdo on a hill or just a normal kid.
Desired feedback: Any
Critique swap: No, due to bad experiences in the past
Excerpt: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ufY8r6Q1g9m22otCEvxODlp20_Aud2Pa/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=111130530344209495935&rtpof=true&sd=true

Organization Name: York Region Women’s Foundation
Location: On-site Address: 8301 Keele St., Vaughan, Ontario L4K1Z6
When: Saturday, 06/01/2024 to Sunday, 06/23/2024
Description: Join us at the York Region Women’s Foundation as a Volunteer Assistant Coach and make a difference in the lives of young girls in Vaughan! Our GirlGoals - Intro. to Soccer program aims to provide quality sport programming to under-served communities, offering a welcoming space for diverse girls to learn soccer skills, build confidence, and develop physical literacy. As a Volunteer Assistant Coach, you'll deliver engaging and effective soccer coaching sessions, emphasizing safety, fair play, and sportsmanship. With a focus on creating a positive playing environment, you'll work alongside staff and the head coach to provide quality sport programming for participants. Don't miss this chance to support girls in learning physical literacy skills while empowering them through sport!
Requirements:

• Minimum 16 years old
• Comfortable commuting to opportunity location

Whether you meet these requirements or not, we encourage you to share your interest in us. You may still be a fit for a different opportunity with our organization.
Sign Up Link:
https://volunteersuccess.com/opportunities/volunteer-assistant-coach-york-region-womens-foundation-2024-04-27-01.19.55

Hey y'all, Nice to meet you:) I’m down to discord voice call if you’d like, kinda looking to talk and vibe to some good music! I am also only looking for friends / gaming friends (short or long term), not interested in anything more!
Now about me -
Hobbies: Piano and singing (I am professionally trained in these 2), swimming (competed at tournaments) football (soccer), gaming (Minecraft mostly but I have also played Elden ring, Subnautica, grounded, Detroit Become Human, GTA, cod, halo ). Shows: Community, Agents of Shield, Flash, Suits, Castle, Brooklyn 99, House, the Mentalist, Lucifer
Open to talk to anyone (18+ please)
I’m graduating college on May 19th in Pennsylvania and I have 3 golden retrievers back home. Music Taste (I'd say it’s pretty damn good): I like Older rock and 2000's pop music.- always happy to share my Spotify playlists - I have some playlists linked on my Reddit profile already. I like astronomy and psychology as subjects but that’s not what I’m studying, I like those as topics of discussion. I’m an Environmental studies major, and geology minor in college.
I did just go through a partial breakup yesterday and I am not doing too well so I'm looking for distractions and nice conversations. (Please don't DM me asking me about it, I don't need to have another breakdown haha)
If you're interested in talking, DM me and tell me anything about yourself (name,age, gender, where you're from and anything else you'd like to share!) - DM me if u wanna talk discord too! My discord is stardust7121 - DM me and tell me anything about yourself (name,age, gender, where you're from and anything else you'd like to share!)