Rag rug friendship bracelet

Hello!
Does anyone have experience with making a normal friendship knot bracelet (chevron for example, where you don’t wave basically) with the back and worth alpha technique? By some, it’s called alpha-normal. It would be cool! I did find a picture of this taken from the video https://youtu.be/Jq2e1qs9y2w. Have you also used this method or did you transition between alpha and normal in another way?
I thought of it as a way to incorporate letters easier possibly. Has anyone tried adding letters using the normal technique?
Please comment if you have tried either combining normal non-alpha and alpha knotting in a bracelet, or if you have written letters with the normal non-alpha method! I’d love to hear 😃

It's "show and tell" day on How Rude, Tanneritos! Jodie and Andrea love receiving gifts from fans, so today's the day they get to show them off! From friendship bracelets to a Lego set of the Full House, there's a plethora of items they hold near and dear to their hearts. Andrea saves the best for last, revealing a handwritten letter that her mother wrote to a fan, back when snail mail was the only way to communicate with your favorite celeb. Join us for this sentimental episode, filled with lots of laughs and plenty of memories - and make sure to check out the show’s Instagram to see what they’re talking about!

Hello! I am a troop leader for the largest troop in my service unit. I'd love to put together an end of year token of appreciation for our leaders, but it would be out of my own pocket so I can't spend too much money. Which is a challenge given that we have two Daisy leaders, three Brownies leaders, two Juniors leaders, two Cadette leaders, one treasurer, and one cookie parent. Whew. I was going to make friendship bracelets for each--but any other ideas of how I can show them how grateful I am for their efforts without breaking the bank?

This is a long story, so bear with me please. English is not my native language, so sorry for any mistakes. I don't by any means want to point a finger to anyone, just want to explain the background of our relationship.
I am together with my BS for 5,5 years. We know each other for 6.5 years. Our relationship started rather rocky. BS has commitment issues and didn't want a relationship at first. This has led them to cheating (kissing only) on me four times (that I know of). Three times during clubbing and under influence and one time while they were on vacation with family. This was during our first 1.5 year together. I found out and they confessed. They texted with some people and one of them was one who BS cheated on me with.
During our relationship they had a friendship with one of their coworkers. They told me them was interested in BS, but BS not in them. They had been friends before BS and I knew each other. During New Years Eve 2022 they said under influence: 'I met with coworker two times behind your back'. They said that I was too fragile and wouldn't understand them meeting with coworker, because I voiced that I was a bit intimidated with their relationship (they would spend long evenings together at each others house while being drunk and sometimes driving with their car). They met with coworker some other times and eventually I didn't hear anything from coworker again. I only met coworker once, they were drunk, but friendly. I went to a psychologist several times to discuss everything what happened.
Fast forward to New Year's eve 2024. I was clubbing with my BS, and two friends. There was someone who wanted my friends instagram, but my friend didn't give it to them. So I took their phone and entered my friends name. BS saw this and thought I was giving my instagram. I tried to explain what happened, but they wouldn't listen. They pushed me away so I went upstairs with said friend. The day after they barely remembered anything. I let them know that if this would happen again, I would leave (this wasn't the first time BS was acting not okay while drunk).
Fast forward to January 2024. We went on a ski vacation with friends. I had a really good connection with one of BS friends (AP). I have known AP for more than 4 years. We always had a good friendship, but it developed even more during the vacation. AP was very kind, caring and helpful. AP is in a relationship of 10 years, their partner was also there on the vacation.
Me and BS met a few times again with AP after the vacation, nothing happened. AP texted me beginning of March saying they would like to meet with me. I didn't say this to BS. We went for a run and had a very good talk about our relationships. They expressed their doubts about their relationship. AP texted me some time after again to go for a run. This time there was more tension in the air and they kissed me. We met five times in total and had foreplay once and sex once. I didn't know how to tell my BS, even though I should have told BS immediately. I made an appointment with my psychologist mid April to help me approach the situation. But on the 24th of april, AP's parner called my BS and told them they found evidence that we cheated on them. My BS' world collapsed. They would have never imagined I would do something like that and I completely understand BS. This is so out of character for me (I don't want to minimize what I have done, but when I go out there are people who will flirt with me, but normally I am very good at maintaining boundaries).
BS first wanted me to move out and didn't want to talk to me. But in the meantime we have met four time. The first two times were pretty heavy. BS was angry (understandable of course), sad and everything in between. BS was very harsh to me and told me I was a psychopath. Of course I understand that they were filled with anger. BS doubted everything about me and that I could lie so good. BS is also very angry that I, BS and AP met occasionally while the affair was happening.
AP and I cut off contact immediately.
I showed BS the mail I send to the psychologist that I made an appointment before it came out, but I don't think that it made any difference (understandable again).
The third time we met, we talked about the situation and how this could have happened. I had a meeting with the psychologist the day before and told BS about our conversation. I told BS about our sex life that was rather dead (I tried to work and discuss it several times before, but nothing changed), I told BS about our future perspective and that I was the one who always had to initiate talking about buying a home together (I lived in an appartment BS bought) and lastly our communication pattern. BS bottles a lot up and when BS finally says what bothers them, it comes out rather harsh. Because of that, I am hurt and it makes it difficult for BS to discuss something again.
We have met yesterday again. I was there for like nine hours. We discussed the situation again. BS had some questions and I answered them truthfully. BS says that I deal very well with the situation and that they see that I do my best. BS said that they feel 50/50 about our relationship. BS said that they don't know if they sees a future with me. BS says that I had the right reaction to see my psychologist again. BS, unfortunately, doesn't want to do counseling. BS says that they can block what happened sometimes, because the pain is too much. Other times BS let the pain come. BS said they miss me and still love me. I asked if I have to move within a certain period. BS said 'no'. I asked if they want me to move away and BS said 'I think it is better that you do.'
After the serious talk, we watched two episodes of a series and played some boardgames. I told BS that if they want me to go away or if it is too much, they need to tell me. But BS said that it was a fun day. I told BS that I am scared that we would rug sweep to much and don't talk about the elephant in the room. I also told BS that I am aware that BS can decide anytime not to talk to me again and that I know that one good day doesn't make everything right. BS said that they can see that I know that. I asked BS if they want to work on our relationship together, but I think this question was too early because BS deflected this question. I said I want to do everything in my power to make it work and even want to go to couple counseling.
When I left, BS gave me a big hug and we cried a lot together. They said 'maybe we can meet again this week.' BS asked me if I got home safe.
I really don't know where to go from here. I have hope that we can work on this together, but it is such a rollercoaster that I caused. Do you have any advice for me? Do I approach this the right way or not? Thank you so much in advance!

Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.

Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.

Welcome to UnityRP - Where Imagination Meets Reality!
Are you ready to embark on an unparalleled journey into the world of immersive roleplay? Look no further than UnityRP, the ultimate destination for Fivem enthusiasts seeking an unforgettable gaming experience.
Connect with Us:
Don't miss out on the excitement – join UnityRP now and experience the thrill of immersive roleplaying like never before! No whitelisting needed - https://discord.gg/PySFAVp4xD
Dive into a Vibrant Roleplay Community:
Join a diverse community of passionate roleplayers from all walks of life. Whether you're a seasoned RP veteran or just starting your journey, UnityRP welcomes you with open arms. Forge lasting friendships, create compelling storylines, and immerse yourself in a world brimming with endless possibilities.
Explore a Dynamic Virtual World:
Step into our meticulously crafted virtual world, where every corner is teeming with life and adventure. From bustling city streets to serene countryside landscapes, UnityRP offers a rich tapestry of environments waiting to be explored. Whether you're a thrill-seeker craving adrenaline-pumping pursuits or a laid-back explorer seeking tranquility, there's something for everyone here.
Customize Your Experience:
Take control of your destiny with our extensive customization options. Whether you're driving a sleek sports car through the urban jungle or navigating treacherous terrain in a rugged off-roader, the choice is yours. With a plethora of vehicles, clothing, and accessories at your disposal, you can tailor your experience to suit your unique style and preferences.
Forge Lifelong Bonds:
UnityRP isn't just a gaming server – it's a tight-knit community where friendships are forged and memories are made. Join forces with like-minded individuals to tackle challenges, embark on epic quests, and conquer the virtual world together. With a supportive network of fellow players by your side, the possibilities are limitless.
Experience Limitless Creativity:
Unleash your creativity and bring your wildest dreams to life in UnityRP's dynamic roleplaying environment. Whether you're a master storyteller, a skilled artisan, or a cunning strategist, there's a place for you here. From organizing elaborate heists to staging impromptu street performances, the only limit is your imagination.
Join the Adventure Today:
Ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime? Join UnityRP today and become part of a thriving community where imagination knows no bounds. With regular updates, dedicated staff, and a vibrant player base, there's never been a better time to join the ranks of UnityRP. The journey awaits – are you ready to seize it?
Here is just A FEW of the things you could get involved in
10 Custom Civilian Jobs ( all progression based, building your business)
Boosting
Coke Runs
Coke/ Meth Lab
Heist : Humane / Train / Art / car / plane / Yacht / Meth Runs
12+Mini Heists
Farming
Bank Robberies
Air Cargo Jobs
Life Guard Job
Diving Sea Job
And so much More

Welcome to UnityRP - Where Imagination Meets Reality!
Are you ready to embark on an unparalleled journey into the world of immersive roleplay? Look no further than UnityRP, the ultimate destination for Fivem enthusiasts seeking an unforgettable gaming experience.
Connect with Us:
Don't miss out on the excitement – join UnityRP now and experience the thrill of immersive roleplaying like never before! No whitelisting needed - https://discord.gg/PySFAVp4xD
Dive into a Vibrant Roleplay Community:
Join a diverse community of passionate roleplayers from all walks of life. Whether you're a seasoned RP veteran or just starting your journey, UnityRP welcomes you with open arms. Forge lasting friendships, create compelling storylines, and immerse yourself in a world brimming with endless possibilities.
Explore a Dynamic Virtual World:
Step into our meticulously crafted virtual world, where every corner is teeming with life and adventure. From bustling city streets to serene countryside landscapes, UnityRP offers a rich tapestry of environments waiting to be explored. Whether you're a thrill-seeker craving adrenaline-pumping pursuits or a laid-back explorer seeking tranquility, there's something for everyone here.
Customize Your Experience:
Take control of your destiny with our extensive customization options. Whether you're driving a sleek sports car through the urban jungle or navigating treacherous terrain in a rugged off-roader, the choice is yours. With a plethora of vehicles, clothing, and accessories at your disposal, you can tailor your experience to suit your unique style and preferences.
Forge Lifelong Bonds:
UnityRP isn't just a gaming server – it's a tight-knit community where friendships are forged and memories are made. Join forces with like-minded individuals to tackle challenges, embark on epic quests, and conquer the virtual world together. With a supportive network of fellow players by your side, the possibilities are limitless.
Experience Limitless Creativity:
Unleash your creativity and bring your wildest dreams to life in UnityRP's dynamic roleplaying environment. Whether you're a master storyteller, a skilled artisan, or a cunning strategist, there's a place for you here. From organizing elaborate heists to staging impromptu street performances, the only limit is your imagination.
Join the Adventure Today:
Ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime? Join UnityRP today and become part of a thriving community where imagination knows no bounds. With regular updates, dedicated staff, and a vibrant player base, there's never been a better time to join the ranks of UnityRP. The journey awaits – are you ready to seize it?
Here is just A FEW of the things you could get involved in
10 Custom Civilian Jobs ( all progression based, building your business)
Boosting
Coke Runs
Coke/ Meth Lab
Heist : Humane / Train / Art / car / plane / Yacht / Meth Runs
12+Mini Heists
Farming
Bank Robberies
Air Cargo Jobs
Life Guard Job
Diving Sea Job
And so much More

This is a long story, so bear with me please. English is not my native language, so sorry for any mistakes. I don't by any means want to point a finger to anyone, just want to explain the background of our relationship.
I am together with my BS for 5,5 years. We know each other for 6.5 years. Our relationship started rather rocky. BS has commitment issues and didn't want a relationship at first. This has led him to cheating (kissing only) on me four times (that I know of). Three times during clubbing and under influence and one time while he was on vacation with family. This was during our first 1.5 year together. I found out and he confessed. He texted with some girls and one of them was one of the girls he cheated me with. During our relationship he had a friendship with one of his coworkers. He told me she was interested in him, but he not in her. They had been friends before BS and I knew each other. During New Years Eve 2022 he said under influence: 'I met with x (coworker) two times behind your back'. He said that I was too fragile and wouldn't understand him meeting with her, because I voiced that I was a bit intimidated with their relationship (they would spend long evenings together at each others house while being drunk and sometimes driving with their car). He met with her some other times and eventually I didn't hear anything from her again. I only met her once, she was drunk, but friendly. I went to a psychologist several times to discuss everything what happened.
Fast forward to New Year's eve 2024. I was clubbing with my BS, and two friends. There was a guy who wanted my friends instagram, but didn't give it to him. So I took his phone and entered her name. BS saw this and thought I was giving my instagram. I tried to explain what happened, but he wouldn't listen. He pushed me away so I went upstairs with said friend. The day after he barely remembered anything. I let him know that if this would happen again, I would leave (this wasn't the first time he was acting not okay while drunk).
Fast forward to January 2024. We went on a ski vacation with friends. I had a really good connection with one of BS friends (let's call him Jasper). I have known Jasper for more than 4 years. We always had a good friendship, but felt it developed even more during the vacation. He was very kind, caring and helpful. He is in a relationship of 10 years, she was also there on the vacation.
We've met a few times again with Jasper after the vacation, nothing happened. Jasper texted me beginning of March saying he would like to meet with me. I didn't say this to BS. We went for a run and had a very good talk about our relationships. He expressed his doubts about his. He texted me some time after again to go for a run. This time there was more tension in the air and he kissed me. We met five times in total and had foreplay once and sex once. I didn't know how to tell my BS, even though I should have told him immediately. I made an appointment with my psychologist mid April to help me approach the situation. But on the 24th of april, Jasper's GF called my BS and told him she found evidence that we cheated on them. My BS worlds collapsed. He would have never imagined I would do something like that and I completely understand him. This is so out of character for me (I don't want to minimize what I have done, but when I go out there are guys who will flirt with me but normally I am very good at maintaining boundaries). He first wanted me to move out and didn't want to talk to me. But in the meantime we have met four time. The first two times were pretty heavy. He was angry (understandable of course), sad and everything in between. He was very harsh to me and told me I was a psychopath. Of course I understand that he was filled with anger. He doubted everything about me and that I could lie so good.
AP and I cut off contact immediately.
I showed him the mail I send to the psychologist that I made an appointment before it came out, but I don't think that it made any difference (understandable again).
The third time we met, we talked about the situation and how this could have happened. I had a meeting with the psychologist the day before and told him about our conversation. I told him about our sex life that was rather dead (I tried to work and discuss it several times before, but nothing changed), I told him about our future perspective and that I was the one who always had to initiate talking about buying a home together (I lived in an appartment he bought) and lastly our communication pattern. He bottles a lot up and when he finally says what bothers him, it comes out rather harsh. Because of that, I am hurt and it makes it difficult for him again to discuss something.
We have met yesterday again. I was there for like nine hours. We discussed the situation again. He had some questions and I answered them truthfully. He says that I deal very well with the situation and that he sees that I do my best. He said that he feels 50/50 about our relationship. He said that he doesn't know if he sees a future with me. He says that I had the right reaction to see my psychologist again. He, unfortunately, doesn't want to do counseling. He says that he can block what happened sometimes, because the pain is too much. Other times he let the pain come. He said he misses me and still loves me. I asked if I have to move within a certain period. He said 'no'. I asked if he wants me to move away and he said 'I think it is better that you do.' After the serious talk, we watched two episodes of a series and played some boardgames. I told him that if he wants me to go away or if it is too much, he needs to tell me. But he said that it was fun. I told him that I am scared that we would rug sweep to much and don't talk about the elephant in the room. I also told him that I am aware that he can decide anytime not to talk to me again and that I know that one good day doesn't make everything right. He said that he can see that I know that. I asked him if he wants to work on our relationship together, but I think this question was too early because he deflected this question. I said I want to do everything in my power to make it work and even want to go to couple counseling.
When I left, he gave me a big hug and we cried a lot together. He said 'maybe we can meet again this week.' He asked me if I got home safe.
I really don't know where to go from here. I have hope that we can work on this together, but it is such a rollercoaster that I caused. Do you have any advice for me? Do I approach this the right way or not? Thank you so much in advance!

Anyway I’m going to one of the dates and I love the idea of making some bracelets to trade! Anyone else thinking of doing this or being interested in doing this it’s such a fun idea!!

The garage door shut with a groan behind us, closing us in the gloom of the single bulb hanging over the car.
Mother took a drag off her cigarette and sighed as she exhaled, the smoke filled the cabin of the Ford and stung my eyes.
“You really disappointed me today, Julianne," she tapped her cigarette in the ashtray below the dash, "you embarrassed me in front of the other mothers at the Ice Cream Social, shoveling down seconds and thirds like a pig. I thought I raised you better than that.”
She took another drag, daintily holding the cigarette between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I'm going to have to tell your brother about this," she continued, “he'll have to come up with a punishment fit for a pig."
I felt my stomach drop. My kid brother, Thomas, was only six, but could be exceptionally cruel. Mother seemed to encourage him and was deferring to him more and more frequently for how the house was run, especially concerning my upbringing.
"Mother, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry I was a pig and ate so much ice cream. I promise I won't do it again, I'll never eat any ice cream again," I was pleading with stone, unyielding.
“Hush your mouth. Go to your room and wait for Thomas," she put out the cigarette and got out of the car, I had no choice but to follow.
It felt like walking to the gallows as I stepped inside the house and headed towards the stairs to go to my room. Thomas had grown fond recently of physical punishment, he obviously delighted in Mother whipping me with a belt or, recently, Mother had allowed him to start beating me with a wooden spoon. He would squeal and giggle like a normal child watching bubbles in the wind while I screamed. I was dreading whatever was going to happen tonight, I chastised myself for eating that ice cream, I should have known she would show up. My sins were always laid bare.
Down the hall, I could hear Thomas watching television in the den. I only got to watch TV for half an hour on Saturday morning and new episodes of Happy Days with Mother and Thomas. Thomas got to watch all the TV he wanted. He could listen to the radio and turntable as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. Thomas had an entire room just for his toys.
I entered my bedroom, it was a space I occupied, but it didn't feel like mine. Mother kept it spartan, white walls and white bedspread. A crucifix over the bed and a painting of Jesus over the door. I had my desk and chair and a dresser with some of the porcelain dolls Daddy gave me before he died that Mother let me keep. That was it.
I placed my book bag down and sat on my bed, waiting for Thomas. It was a while, sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts and staring at the open door. I felt humiliated, I was almost thirteen and my entire life was dictated by my brother. Mother kept the house in constant lockdown to keep Thomas a secret. No outsiders were allowed in. I couldn't have friends because she was afraid I would mention him or sneak a friend in to gawk at my brother and tease him for being different.
I would never make fun of him, I was terrified of him. Terrified of what he was and what he was becoming.
Eventually I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and I felt my heart start beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I kneaded my skirt in my hands, trying to calm myself and dry my palms. His slow arrhythmic footsteps came down the hall and I watched him as he entered the room.
I couldn't help but internally recoil at his appearance, even though I'd known him since he was born, I could never adjust to how unnatural he appeared. Thomas had been born at home and had never seen a doctor, but he was obviously unwell.
He was six years old and was barely over two feet tall, but very squat and wide. His skin was thick and gray, the whites of his beady eyes were yellow and his hair was wispy and white like an old man's, spreading out like a halo around his gargoyle face. A slight odor of decomposition hung about him, it reminded me faintly of garbage cans on a hot summer day. I hated when Mother made me help him with a bath, his skin felt like old brittle leather that flaked onto my clothes in gray flecks. His body was dense like concrete, I could barely lift him into the tub. Picking him up forced his hair into my face where that smell of rot would fill my nose, causing me to gag, silently, so as not to offend him and draw any ire from him or Mother.
Today, Thomas was wearing bib overalls with a red and green striped sweater underneath, reminding me of a grotesque doll.
“Mama says you acted like a piggy today at the ice cream social,” he spoke up to me in his unsettlingly high pitched, yet raspy voice, like a child that smoked as much as Mother, "you need to come down for dinner right now for your punishment for embarrassing Mama."
He turned and walked back down the stairs and I had no choice but to follow his toddling form downstairs to the dining table. We entered the kitchen and the table was placed with two settings. Mother was already seated and Thomas clambered up into his booster seat at his normal spot next to Mother. She took a drag off her cigarette and motioned vaguely to the floor without even looking at me.
Neatly situated on the linoleum was my dinner, not on a plate, but directly on the floor. A pork chop, scoop of mashed potatoes, and a small pile of peas. No utensils, either.
Thomas giggled with glee upon seeing my face.
“You have Mama's permission now to eat like a piggy, now. No hands! Piggies just use their face!” He stood up in his chair and reached out for Mother’s ash tray and flung it out over my meal, peppering my dinner with cigarette ash and butts.
"Oops! Piggies don't mind trash though, do they, Mama?” he giggled and the sound filled me with rage.
"No, they don't,” Mother replied coolly while maneuvering her ashtray back in place and carefully putting out her cigarette before saying prayer.
As angry as I was, I got down on my hands and knees and did my best at eating what I could without using my hands. I knew if I refused, it would be far worse. The whole meal, Thomas made pig noises and would reach down and poke me with his fork, making comments about what a fat piggy I was and how he wished he could roast and eat me. I doubted Mother would even object if he actually did kill me and eat me.
Gagging my way through another bite of ashy pork chop, I felt a warm splat over my head and heard Thomas giggling. I reached up and felt he had dumped mashed potatoes into my hair.
Choking down tears, I asked Mother if I could clean the floor and bathe. She rolled her eyes and excused me to clear the table for them as well while she changed Thomas into his pajamas. Picking him up, she walked out of the room and Thomas stuck his putrid little purple tongue out at me before they made it out the kitchen door.
I silently cried while I cleared the table and washed the dinner dishes. Tears splashed down as I mopped up the mess from my food on the floor. I hated how awful Thomas was. I hated how they treated me. Ever since Daddy died and Thomas showed up, I was their punching bag. I missed Daddy so much.
Mother was kinder then, too. She was still severe, but Dad kept her tempered. After he died, there was a change that came over her. I was only six, so I didn't remember her too much from before, but I did remember her gushing on and on when she was pregnant with Thomas. How the baby was a gift from Our Heavenly Father, that it was going to complete our broken family.
My sixth birthday happened right after Daddy died and I remember sitting on the patio crying while the house was full of people after the funeral, normally he would have gotten me a new doll and a chocolate bar, instead I was forgotten. No doll. No chocolate. Just funeral potatoes and a house full of cigarette smoke from the adults.
Nobody remembered. The closest thing I got was my dad's sister, Aunt Judy, sitting next to me on the patio step for a few minutes of comfortable silence before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I don't think she knew her brother was memorialized on my birthday. Next year, Thomas was born the day before my birthday, so it was completely eclipsed as Mother had just birthed her new love into the world…
I stopped mid mop as a lightbulb finally went off. I had never put much thought into the dates before.
Thomas was born a full year after Daddy died. He couldn't be his dad. Who was Thomas’ actual father?
Washing mashed potatoes out of my hair that evening, I ran over and over the timeline. No matter how I parsed it out, Thomas was only my half brother. Going to bed that night, I kept myself awake, going over and over again to make sure. I couldn't remember any men being around at that time, but that didn't mean much. Adults can easily hide things from children. Tension began throbbing through my head and I felt queasy. Mother had always known all of my secrets, able to sniff them out like a bloodhound out or using Thomas to spy. Now I had one of Mother's secrets and I didn't know what to do with it.
First I wanted to confirm it, but it would mean snooping, which was difficult in a house that was rarely left empty. I would have to try finding Mother's calendar book or journal to see if she mentioned any dates or men.
But when could I attempt such a daring maneuver? Thomas hardly left the house. As proud as Mother was of him, she was very cognizant and protective of his differences and didn't want to draw attention to herself or Thomas like that. Mother herself had few social engagements throughout the week and mostly stayed home to watch her golden child.
I finally decided I would take the risk and fake sick on Tuesday, grocery day, so I could stay home from school while she went shopping. All Thomas did all day was watch TV downstairs, so that should give me about an hour to look through her room for clues. I decided to tuck my head down, try to behave as best as I could to avoid their wrath, and wait for Tuesday.
That weekend limped along agonizingly slow. Thomas was in a fine mood and was constantly seeking out a reason to poke me, punch me, slap me… he'd laugh while calling me a piggy with his off-putting wide mouth. I tried to mostly stay in my room and it seemed like neither of them cared.
School on Monday was a relief, but my anxiety ramped up. The consequences would be dire if Mother caught on that I was faking sick to stay home. I didn't even want to imagine how off the leash she'd let my half-brother become in his punishment for that level of insubordination.
I stayed up all night, my stomach was in knots, but I was committed to my plan. Throughout the night, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow. Screamed until my throat was raw and I could barely talk. It felt cathartic in a way. When it was close to school time, I put on my heaviest flannel pajamas and began doing jumping jacks until my face was flushed and my scalp was soaked with sweat.
Looking in the bathroom mirror before heading down to talk to Mother, I thought I looked pretty convincing, my skin was flushed and sweaty, my eyes had circles under them from lack of sleep, and my voice croaked like a frog.
Heading downstairs, Mother was already feeding Thomas breakfast. I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly for a second, pawing with my pajamas to keep my nerves steady until she noticed my presence and looked up.
“Why aren't you dressed, Julianne?"
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts and my tummy hurts.” My voice graveled out more than I was expecting, I really had hurt my throat.
She strode over to me and placed a cool hand on my sweaty brow.
"You do feel warm. Take an aspirin from the medicine cabinet and go lay back down. I'll check on you later," with that she turned back and walked over to Thomas, who was frozen in place, glaring at me over a forkful of scrambled eggs. The sharp glint of malice in his beady eyes made me shiver before I shuffled out of the kitchen.
I laid in bed, trying my best to look miserable until I eventually heard the faint sound of the television playing in the den as Thomas settled in for his normal daytime routine and the garage door opened as Mother headed to the grocery store. I bounded out of bed and watched the car back out of our driveway and head up the street.
My heart began to pound as I tiptoed down the hall to Mother's bedroom, a place I rarely even caught a glimpse of, let alone entered. I very slowly opened the door, taking great care to not make any noise to alert Thomas downstairs that I was out of bed.
Creeping into the butter yellow room, I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my skull, this was the naughtiest thing I had ever done by far. I stepped onto the rug to help disguise my footsteps and slowly made my way past the brass bed and towards her desk. My hands shook as I opened the top drawer, I pawed through rapidly and found nothing. I checked the next drawer down and again found nothing of interest, just stationary and envelopes.
Finally, the bottom drawer was what I was looking for, a stack of journals from the past decade. I flipped through, trying to find entries relevant to when Daddy died and who Mother slept with afterwards.
I've never fully recovered from what I read.
July 6, 1968
Edgar died today. Car accident. I cannot believe this is real. My light, my life, my anchor... Dr. Benson gave me a sedative at the hospital and I feel so tired. So very, very tired. Why has my Lord forsaken me so?
July 9, 1968
I feel like I am in a very bad dream, I feel numb and disconnected. All the consolation and pity from everyone makes me feel sick. After the memorial, it took everything in me to not break dishes and to scream at everyone to get out of my house. Julianne was moping about crying and I wanted to throw her out, too.
If I hadn't seen my dear Edgar's body in the hospital and held his urn in my own hands, I wouldn't believe he was really gone. I still don't entirely believe it.
I have prayed to God every night asking him to show me why he took my husband from me and I have gotten no answer.
I skimmed over the next few months, as it was more or less similar sentiments repeated night after night. I finally got to an entry that caught my eye.
September 17, 1968
My battle with my faith has been fraught the past few months, but Hallelujah! I feel I can see the Lord again in all his glory and might, for he has given me a way to reconnect to my Edgar!
I was thinking about the night Julianne was born, right in this very home, it was a difficult birth and she struggled to breathe at first. Ingrid, my midwife, made a comment to me that if the baby had failed to wake up on her own, that Ingrid had ways to make sure she would have made it.
I remember asking if it was a medical methodology and she made it clear to me that in certain circumstances, it was a mystical property she used to bring the air of life into a struggling baby's lungs. She gently alluded to being a practicing member of the dark arts. At the time, I felt quite scandalized to have someone like that in my God fearing home. Now I see her as the answer to my prayers! My angel!
On a whim, I called her and asked if she still practiced such techniques. She hesitantly confirmed that she did. I asked, if she could turn breath into the lungs of a child without, could she turn breath into a child that did not exist? Could she magick into existence another child of my beloved Edgar? She told me she had to do some research and she'd be back in touch.
Ingrid just called back after a few hours and said there was a spell she found, but it was dangerous and might have unpleasant results. I said, yes, of course! I trust my Lord and I believe he sent this woman of blessed magick to me for this purpose.
She says we will have to do it soon, in a few days during the new moon. She has a potion to brew, but it is happening! Praise God!
September 23, 1968
The ceremony was last night, and Ingrid believes it was a success, but we will have to wait. It did not take long, only an hour or two. Ingrid lit my bedroom with many beeswax candles and she had me drink a thick and bitter tea that caused me to become quite relaxed and foggy.
From my inner thigh, she cut me and collected my blood in a chalice, with which she mixed quite a lot of Edgar's ashes and other ingredients which I could not glean from my supine position and groggy wits. Ingrid began to chant, calling upon a higher power, as I pleaded with my Lord to let this work. To give me any piece of my Edgar back. She came to the bed and worked the paste between my legs into my womanly chamber, which was very uncomfortable, but manageable with the numbing effects of the tea.
She continued to sit with me and chant, her hand placed over my womb, until she decided at which time it was complete. She left and I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt quite uncomfortable, my body ached and when I used the restroom, a yellow fluid like pus poured out of me, but no sign of any ashes or blood, which gives me hope it was absorbed into my womb.
November 3, 1968
Praise be to our Lord, Ingrid just confirmed for me that I am with child, I had been hoping so, I had not gotten my cycle in October, but I wasn't sure if that was because of the discharge like pus that was still coming. She told me that was common with this spell and a side effect that would stop after the baby came.
I feel like I am floating on air, for the first time since Edgar left, I feel-
I suddenly became very aware of the feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I had become too engrossed in what was written before me and I had lost track of my surroundings. Very slowly, I turned around and my heart began pounding again as I saw Thomas standing in the doorway holding his wooden spoon in one hand. How had I not heard him?
He pointed at me with his empty hand and screamed, just a pure guttural screech from somewhere deep inside his disgusting little body. He charged at me from across the room, his horrible feet thumping solidly along the rug. He began beating my legs ruthlessly with the spoon, causing my legs to buckle. I crashed down to my knees in front of him, and he began lashing at my face, pulling my hair with one hand while wailing away at my head with the spoon.
I had dropped the journal I was holding and was desperately trying to get a hand on the spoon or push him away. All I could hear was him screaming. My arms flailed and I reached around on Mother's desk and grabbed onto the first thing I found and sank it into Thomas’ neck.
The end of Mother's gold letter opener protruded under his jaw. He went silent and he looked at me with utter shock. He dropped the spoon and collapsed on the ground, clutching at his neck as his thick black blood oozed out from his wound, letting out a stupendous odor of rot that filled the room. He didn't really say anything or make any noise. He just twitched for a moment and I saw his eyes glaze over.
In shock, I stood over his little body for a moment and I watched as he seemed to mummify in just a few minutes, like an ash person from Pompeii dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Even his blood that looked like shiny oil a second ago became like potting soil on Mother's rug. Reaching out to touch his hand, it crumbled away like sand.
Panic ran through me like a rabbit caught in a snare. Not knowing what to do, I ran. I ran down the hall, changed my clothes, put an extra change of clothes in my backpack and the last doll Daddy had ever given me and I ran. Mother would absolutely never forgive me and I was genuinely afraid she would kill me in retaliation for taking her beloved Thomas away from her. Her precious gift from God. My feet flew over the pavement and took me away from that house.
I called my Aunt Judy from a payphone outside the five & dime, and told her Mother had kicked me out and asked if I could stay with her. She had always had a strained relationship with my mother and it didn't take much convincing that she had kicked out her “only” child. Only Mother, Ingrid, and I ever knew about Thomas.
She gave me a home and took care of me. She never beat me or humiliated me. Even with her love, I was far from okay. For years I would close my eyes and hear Thomas scream, then the sudden silence. I'd see him fumbling at his neck and turning to ash. But I would also remember all the ways he would hurt me and how bad he was becoming. I could never talk to anyone about it, especially not the silent relief I felt I refused to admit to myself. Over time, however, Thomas' screams became a whisper and his silence faded into dust in my mind.
I moved on with my life. I went to college and became a photojournalist, getting to travel the world and watch history unfold. By choice, I never married, but was quite blessed with many beautiful friendships for companionship over the decades. I found balance in my life and a sense of happiness, if not peace. I never could quite stomach mashed potatoes again, though, they always taste ashy to me.
Mother never made any attempts to reach out to me or find me, at least that I'm aware of. Ten years ago, I was contacted by a hospital and they said my mother had been admitted earlier after falling and was about to pass, so she must have kept some tabs on me to know my phone number for her emergency contacts. Apparently she had collapsed in the driveway and a neighbor called an ambulance. I got there and her only words to me were, “take care of him," as she placed a locket in my hand. I opened the locket, Jesus was on one side, Thomas on the other. I didn't say anything to her, just held her frail old hand with nicotine stained nails until she passed in the night. My mother was gone and I felt nothing except a vague sense of relief.
When I got to her house, it was like a time capsule. Other than a newer television, it was just like it was when I'd fled so many years ago. The smell of tobacco smoke hung like incense in the air. It felt oppressive, like a tomb.
I wandered the house in a bit of a daze. The one place I didn't want to go was upstairs. I didn't want to see my old room, or Thomas' room, or Mother's. Putting it off, I went to fix myself some supper, realizing I hadn't eaten in almost a day. I took a pause when I opened the fridge and saw a baby bottle on a shelf. Silently praying she had been babysitting for a neighbor, I fixed myself some toast with sardines and sat eating in the den watching TV. It had been almost forty years and it still felt rebellious not eating at the table and watching TV without permission.
My eyes grew heavy and I finally mustered up the gumption to head upstairs to go to bed. The stairs creaked in a familiar way under my feet and I was taken back to the feeling of dread hearing either Mother or Thomas climbing up. My old room was at the top of the stairs, I saw the door was nailed shut and had rambling quotes about Judas copied from the Bible in my mother's handwriting taped to the door. I sighed gently and turned from the door to head down the hallway, deciding Mother's room was probably the best place to sleep.
I passed by Thomas’ toy room and I heard a murmur from the room. I stopped, curiosity got the best of me and I entered. In Thomas' old toy room was a crib with joyful clown sheets. Dread swelled up inside me as I heard more murmurs and saw the sheets move. Approaching slowly, I peaked under the sheet and gasped.
Tucked inside was what looked like a baby gargoyle, gray and papery looking. Pus leaked out of its milky, bulbous eyes. I pulled back the blanket and saw it had no legs and its arms bent back, like wings on a bird. It was wearing just a cloth diaper, overflowing with tarry looking stool that took my breath away with its pungency, it smelled like Thomas’ blood, but somehow worse. My heart broke for this poor creature, Lord only knows how many years it has been in this crib suffering from its unholy existence.
So this is who Mother had wanted me to take care of…
Not knowing what else to do, I gently scooped him up. Like Thomas, he was shockingly heavy for how small his body was. Placing him on the changing table, I cleaned him and rewrapped his bottom in a clean diaper cloth. It was difficult, he fussed tremendously, crying and flopping around as much as his flipper-like arms would allow. I tried wiping off his oozing eyes and he snapped his mouth, which I saw was full of disturbingly square yellow teeth, trying to bite me. I carried him to the kitchen and rocked him while I heated up his bottle and he became furious with me, almost barking like a dog when my hand would get near his face.
He settled a bit as he fed, but he would still sometimes suddenly spit out the bottle and attempt to bite me. I laid him back in his crib, this abomination in a clown sheet, and I walked down the hall to Mother's room letting out a long sigh.
Combing through my mother's journals in the early hours of the morning, it looked like she tried the ceremony again shortly after Thomas died, but she either lacked Ingrid’s help or didn't have enough of my father's ashes left. Something went terribly wrong. She was vaguer than she had been about Thomas’ conception, but I suspect she had used some of Thomas' remains. The resulting birth she named Isaac.
Mother's journals told a sad tale of her and Isaac's suffering. She never mentioned me, but lamented the loss of Thomas and Dad relentlessly. She was hyper protective of Isaac, as that was all she had left. If her world had been small before, it became microscopic after he entered her life, requiring nearly constant care. According to Mother, he was blind and colicky, sometimes going years at a time without sleeping through the night. She had breast fed him for years, but she had to stop after he grew teeth and began biting her intentionally and feeding on her blood.
I spent a lot of time over the next few days pondering what to do. I had to get her estate in order, she had left me the house, in an obvious attempt to get me to continue caretaking for Isaac, but I didn't want it. I had my own cozy home an hour away from here, filled with happy memories and my possessions acquired traveling the world. Mother's home had a heavy energy I couldn't shake. Her and Thomas were both gone, but the memories of the scoldings and beatings hung in every corner, like cobwebs that would never sweep away.
So, I fed Isaac and kept him clean and tried to keep him company, although he seemed to hate me passionately. I took care of him, all the while thinking about what I was going to do. After a week, I felt resolute in what had to be done.
Gathering up all of Mother's journals in a tote, I made my way to Isaac and picked him up and carried everything to the living room.
The ancient logs in the fireplace meant for display ignited instantly. One by one, I fed the journals into the fire, burning away years of my mother's consuming sorrow. Isaac fussed and moaned next to me the entire time. When the last pages shimmered away into lacy ash, I took a throw pillow off the couch and gently cradled Isaac in my other arm. It didn't take long before he stopped struggling and I felt his little body relax after decades of suffering.
I gently wrapped up a bundle in a clown sheet and placed it in the fire. It burned furiously, like the paper in my mother's journals, and was soon gone. Nothing but ashes and embers.
“Don't worry, Mother,” I said purely for my own sake, "I took care of Isaac for you."
And finally, I felt at peace.

I was embarrassed for her with the friendship bracelet thing. She spent so much time away from the kids and E to make dozens and dozens of friendship bracelets she thought she’d get to trade at the movie. She “was very proud” of her handiwork and was making at least ten more before even packing for Paris.
If she didn’t plan on interacting with children as if she’s one of them then she wouldn’t make bracelets and try to be “cool” with TSs young fans. And who wants to say “I got a bracelet from Colleen Ballinger at the TS concert”. Nobody wants to be guilty by association.
I’ll be shocked if she even gets one from someone else. I’m sure she’ll show and tell us if she does, lol.

Hi, we were at the Fletcher concert last night (12th May) where my friends daughter got to give Fletcher 2 friendship bracelets we made.
Just wondering the name of the girls playing guitar for her? I know one is Sophie, but wondering the other one? Does she have Instagram?

hi! I am going to a tour show in buffalo soon, and was wondering if bracelet making was a thing for this show/tour? my friend and i were thinking of making some, but wanted to see the vibes before committing to a craft night. thank you!!!

I see a lot of posts on here about whether or not therapists care about their clients or like their clients “really.” I also see posts about paying for the therapy service. I have been a therapist for 10 years and I will share my honest personal experience.
Liking A Client
I really can’t think of a client on my current roster I don’t “like” because I’m truly not thinking like that. The neutrality that people find annoying about therapists can be genuine. I have clients ask me questions like “Do you think I’m crazy/selfish/annoying?” and I have to take a step back in those moments. Not because I am afraid to say yes, but because I am not thinking like that while I have my therapist hat on. I am not judging things as good or bad, I am trying to understand the why. My job in the session is to be curious and judgement kills curiosity. I am thinking “Hmm I just made a suggestion and I sense some resistance here, how can I explore that resistance?” Not “Oh this client is being annoying because they are resisting me.”
I don’t know how to explain it fully, but the vast vast majority of the time I don’t like or dislike a client. There will be that rare client that slips through my screening process that I don’t feel like I understand and that is frustrating. Like everything I say to check for understanding they will say no to. Ex. “So it seems like you are frustrated at your mom?” Client: “I’m not frustrated at my mom I just wish she would…” This is hard because I really try to understand, but I wouldn’t say I dislike this person. I just feel like we don’t get very far.
Do I Care About My Clients?
It’s hard to explain how you can so fully connect and be immersed in someone’s life for one hour a week. It’s hard to explain how you can care so deeply and yet let them go over and over again after every session. Sometimes I think about my clients during the rest of the week and sometimes I don’t, but it doesn’t define if I care for them or not. You learn early on it doesn’t do any good worrying about your clients in your off time. It doesn’t help them or you. I want to be present in my own life when I’m not working. That doesn’t mean I don’t care for or love my clients.
The best analogy I can come up with is that working with a client is like going to their house. I enter their world, with it’s own logic and rules for an hour. In this house you put your coffee mug here, take your shoes off, etc. Every house is different, but I never confuse them, once inside I remember everything. The client has many different rooms we explore in their house. With some clients, I feel like I know every nook and cranny of their house, though I’m sure that’s not true. I can’t know everything. I like stepping into someone’s world/house. It’s interesting, just like walking around someone’s actual home.
Occasionally, I will see that a client has the same rug/towels/fridge as me. I can point this out to the client if I believe it will be helpful, but the client will never go into my home to see my rug. I can only tell them the rugs are the same in a general way. I can tell them this is how I care for my rug, but they will never see me vacuuming. This feels very safe to me. I get to bring my authentic self to session, but I don’t have to show my house, my layout, my struggles. In my personal relationships people come into my home and dirty the place up. I am affected by the behaviors and choices of those in my personal life. I’m not saying that client’s can’t hurt me, they have. It’s just easier to process that hurt because our lives aren’t intertwined. Our selves are intertwined, but not our lives. Being a therapist is a huge responsibility because I know what I say and do can have great effect, but also my clients will never be annoyed with me because I don’t do the dishes before I go to bed. And that’s nice. I would encourage anyone struggling with feeling close to their therapist, but feeling pained the relationship can’t be “more” (more time, friendship, more love from the therapist) to consider how nice it is not to know all the things about your therapist that would annoy the shit out of you :)
Building A Relationship From Nothing
Sometimes in the first or second session I don’t yet understand a client or I don’t feel like they are being genuine with me, so I don’t care about them on a deeper level. I’m just being professional at that point. But pretty much with every client by the 4th or 5th session I’m able to feel like I understand them enough and have developed a deep compassion for them. Sometimes because I can see how hard they are trying, but how scared they are to be in therapy, how much they want change for themselves. If you’ve come to 5 sessions you are generally trying. People who don’t want to put in work drop off after one or two sessions.
I genuinely admire and feel awe towards the vast majority of my clients. It is amazing to see what people survive and how they want to do better for themselves or their loved ones than what they were given. I feel such compassion for their struggles. I feel such love for them. We see a very different side of people, a vulnerable side of people, and when you see that hurt child inside you can’t feel anything but sympathy.
Some clients have really rough exteriors. They’ve never told another person how they feel in an unguarded manner, so it’s awkward or they avoid it or it seems like they hate therapy. In the beginning of my career this was hard to tolerate. I hated those sessions because I felt so uncomfortable. Now, I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me. I know my job in those sessions and I do it, unattached to the outcome of them opening up. Why? Because I know what I can control and what I can’t. Most of the time those clients open up eventually and it’s very rewarding work. Some of the time they don’t make progress either because I’m not the right therapist for them or they aren’t ready yet. And I can honestly say that’s okay. I just had a termination session with a client last week who wanted to place the blame on his external circumstance rather than look at his beliefs and patterns. After months of trying and exploration, I genuinely wish that person well and release them.
Money
I see clients through a group private practice and make a set rate per client hour. I never try to get a client to schedule more sessions for money and if a client cancels I never feel upset losing that money individually. I’ve been a therapist long enough to know that no matter what people will cancel and I take on more clients than I need to to cover the weeks when I have cancellations or it’s slow getting new clients. How often do I think about my clients paying me? Literally never unless they bring it up. I think about it as a cluster. Like I have about 30 clients (some are every other week or monthly). The cluster pays me. I never think about an individual paying me. This may be because I don’t actually charge the clients, my group practice does. I like this because I need to make money, but money really isn’t a consideration in my treatment. I think clients think about the money much more than the therapists do.
I hope any of this was helpful!

I wrote this Python script for solving the issue, and posted it to Github in case anyone was experiencing the same problem. I have to run this script every time we host a game and play together. This started after the recent update.