She always hurts me
cassette culture
2011.05.25 03:21 Neztok cassette culture
Snoo thought he heard a subliminal message on the latest cassette he was playing. He eagerly unscrewed the screws on each corner of the tape. It didn't take long to put the reels on backwards. When he finished it wasn't much of a surprise it was telling him to share pictures of his cassette tapes, cassette players, analog equipment on Reddit. It also wanted him to promote tape labels, make tape compilations, and share the love of the format. The tape self destructs. Snoo eats the magnetic tape!
2008.01.25 05:07 A subreddit for cute and cuddly pictures
Things that make you go AWW! -- like puppies, bunnies, babies, and so on... Feel free to post original pictures and videos of cute things.
2008.04.14 21:57 Cats
Pictures, videos, questions, and articles featuring/about cats.
2024.05.15 12:20 Negative_Mall_5485 My homophobic parents found out about me and my gf what should I do
Alright so I (17f) and my gf (16f) were on my bed making out because we thought my parents left and their location showed that aswell but we didn’t realize they came back home and my mom walked in on us making out and ran to tell my dad. After that my gf quickly called her dad and told him the situation and that she needs to get picked up asap so he’s on the way and I don’t want to be there because of the last time this happened so I’m begging her dad to take me too but he’s like they haven’t kicked you out yet and I don’t want to be labeled as a kidnapper so now I’m calling my best friend to see if she could let me sleep over and she said the same thing and then my gfs dad pulls in and she gets in the car and my parents come up to my room fuming and started screaming and degrading me and my dad was the most pissed of them all and he grabbed one of my bags and hit me repeatedly with it until my mom told him to stop and to go to work and he grabbed my phone and when he left he screamed not in my house so I quickly packed some things and waited for the right moment and I left and I walked 1 mile away to the nearest Panera because of the of the WiFi and I take my school computer out and email my friend to please come pick me up but at that point my parents already called the police and are looking for me so they get there in 15-20 mins and my friend comes in first and tells me your mom and dad are on the way and I start breaking down saying no and my dad comes in and grabs me and goes let’s go get in the truck so I do because I have no other choice and on the way home he once again degrades me and when we get home he parks and tells me this whole speech of like hes doing this for the best of me and he loves me more than anything and he will always be on my Side and that the world is brainwashing me and he gave me my phone and was like promise you will straighten up and tell this girl that you guys can only be friends and that you can’t hang out and I’ll let you guys text because she seems like a good person and I pinkie promised but I’ve never been at such of a low in my life lie we’re together for about 8 months and it just hurts is there anything I can do to Make the situation better (also I would’ve gotten my license next week but they might take away my privileges to do hat too)
submitted by Negative_Mall_5485 to AdviceForTeens [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 12:17 Crimson_il AITA for wanting to break off my relationship with my friends?
I’m sorry this is going to be long but buckle up. For a bit of background. I (17F) am part of a group of 4 + 1 girl that hurt me deeply in the past so I do not consider her as my friend. They are my only friends at school but last year some problems began to rise. The thing said girl did to hurt me was try to instigate fights between me and my friends and try to convince me that they hate me. My friends took my side in the fight and yet they stayed friends with her because she guilt tripped them. I believed that would be the end of it.
This year one of my friends that I’ll just name as K began speaking up about an issue she had with her mother for a very long time now and she began visiting my best friend who I’ll call T almost every day. Both of them have stricter parents than I do so that basically meant that for example if K went to meet up with T one day and slept at her house, the next day nobody could visit T. This also worked about the same with K’s parents. This put a strain on my relationship with both of them since it meant I couldn’t meet up with them ever and the few times that I have been able to meet up with them T basically told me: "You can come over if you have to".
My relationship with my last friend has been strained for a while now. I’ll call her Y. In middle school we used to be close and I was there for her and she was there for me. That isn’t the case now. Y is cold towards me and avoids me most of the time. Over the span of a few weeks the only words spoken between her and I were me asking her to please stop munching during a test we had because it wasn’t helping me focus (I have ADHD and Dyslexia). Which even then, she didn’t do.
I feel like I’ve reached my breaking point. I try so hard to hug them, comfort them, be there for them whenever they have to vent. I even organized some things for their birthdays (which I would have done regardless if they celebrated with friends or not) and yet on my birthday I didn’t get anything close to what I tried to give to them. I feel unappreciated but there’s this nagging feeling that I’m in the wrong. That I’m judging them for things they can’t control.
This brings me all to the actual breaking point. I’m Jewish and I live in a Jewish country (you can guess where, I just don’t want to state it for personal reasons). During the year we have many holidays. Recently, we had three specific ones that I hold close and dear to me.
I’ve given up so many things for them and I’ve tried so hard to be the best friend that I could be. And yet, I never received that in return. All I got was to be the therapist and at that moment I finally broke down. I cried to my parents. My dad was busy and the guests had left by then already so he didn’t really stay to hear me out (even though he would. He’s a great dad) but my mom hugged me and said that it’s okay and that I have a right to be upset after everything.
I’ve just had enough. Enough of the drama, enough of the lies, enough with feeling like I don’t belong, enough with feeling like I always try to do everything for them and yet I get nothing. I’ve reached a point where I just can’t handle it. Especially because my friends have been so cold with me recently for seemingly no reason. I don’t know what I should do. Am I the asshole?
submitted by Crimson_il to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
This year one of my friends that I’ll just name as K began speaking up about an issue she had with her mother for a very long time now and she began visiting my best friend who I’ll call T almost every day. Both of them have stricter parents than I do so that basically meant that for example if K went to meet up with T one day and slept at her house, the next day nobody could visit T. This also worked about the same with K’s parents. This put a strain on my relationship with both of them since it meant I couldn’t meet up with them ever and the few times that I have been able to meet up with them T basically told me: "You can come over if you have to".
My relationship with my last friend has been strained for a while now. I’ll call her Y. In middle school we used to be close and I was there for her and she was there for me. That isn’t the case now. Y is cold towards me and avoids me most of the time. Over the span of a few weeks the only words spoken between her and I were me asking her to please stop munching during a test we had because it wasn’t helping me focus (I have ADHD and Dyslexia). Which even then, she didn’t do.
I feel like I’ve reached my breaking point. I try so hard to hug them, comfort them, be there for them whenever they have to vent. I even organized some things for their birthdays (which I would have done regardless if they celebrated with friends or not) and yet on my birthday I didn’t get anything close to what I tried to give to them. I feel unappreciated but there’s this nagging feeling that I’m in the wrong. That I’m judging them for things they can’t control.
This brings me all to the actual breaking point. I’m Jewish and I live in a Jewish country (you can guess where, I just don’t want to state it for personal reasons). During the year we have many holidays. Recently, we had three specific ones that I hold close and dear to me.
- Holocaust day (My great grandmother was Polish and we did lose family members in the Holocaust)
- Memorial Day for the soldiers who fought in wars (specifically the fallen)
- Independence day
I’ve given up so many things for them and I’ve tried so hard to be the best friend that I could be. And yet, I never received that in return. All I got was to be the therapist and at that moment I finally broke down. I cried to my parents. My dad was busy and the guests had left by then already so he didn’t really stay to hear me out (even though he would. He’s a great dad) but my mom hugged me and said that it’s okay and that I have a right to be upset after everything.
I’ve just had enough. Enough of the drama, enough of the lies, enough with feeling like I don’t belong, enough with feeling like I always try to do everything for them and yet I get nothing. I’ve reached a point where I just can’t handle it. Especially because my friends have been so cold with me recently for seemingly no reason. I don’t know what I should do. Am I the asshole?
2024.05.15 12:12 Alternative-Brain347 How do I handle this situation like an adult?
I 26m have had a slow start in my adult life and really only got my shit together 2 years ago. I have always had a bad relationship with money and am currently realizing just how bad it is.
I am not one who overspends, I’m quite the opposite and that’s my issue. I’ve been able to save a good chunk of money + fund some investments in the last two years but I am always worried about money. I’ve been more focused on saving money in the last two years and really don’t make a ton of money to begin with.
I have been in a 2 year relationship and my girlfriend and I live together. She is 21 and in college which she pays for herself so I am funding 100% of rent and utilities, she gets groceries. I take her out on dates a few nights a week and pay for 80% of what we do. She offers every time and is so kind but I always turn her down unless she absolutely insists and I think it’s cheap enough to where I put my male ego down and let her pay.
We go on little local trips each year that don’t really cost anything and one big trip where it isn’t cheap. I have never at any point in my relationship told my girlfriend not to order something, what to eat/drink, or denied going out to a place due to price. Ever. I have the money and we don’t go away too often so I don’t care to spend.
Last night we met two groups of fiends who just so happened to be in the same city we were for dinnedrinks, and then a club to cap off the night. She was overly concerned about how much I spent on the night for us ($300) not bad and kept saying thank you all night + asking every time I paid “are you sure, I can help”
On our walk back to our Airbnb, I asked her why she kept doing this and she in a very kind way said “I know you don’t like to spend and I get worried when you do” then mentioned how she doesn’t suggest we go to nice places when we are back home and orders water because she is nervous about stressing me out financially. I asked her if she thinks I’m cheap and without saying it she said yes through various ways of trying to explain around it. Or at least that’s all I heard.
That hurt my heart and my ego a ton. I was just quiet for the rest of the walk home and said I was going to bed due to the drinks.
She is very considerate, thankful, and kind but this comment hurt because it wasn’t regarding our night out but our life in general. How do I emotionally handle this as an adult and move past this? Money has always been a sensitive subject for me and a good way to hit me where it hurts emotionally. I don’t want to be viewed as incapable, weak, or like a cannot provide financially. I know, it’s a me issue.
I do everything I can for us and getting inadvertently called cheap really hurt my feelings. What should I do here?
submitted by Alternative-Brain347 to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]
I am not one who overspends, I’m quite the opposite and that’s my issue. I’ve been able to save a good chunk of money + fund some investments in the last two years but I am always worried about money. I’ve been more focused on saving money in the last two years and really don’t make a ton of money to begin with.
I have been in a 2 year relationship and my girlfriend and I live together. She is 21 and in college which she pays for herself so I am funding 100% of rent and utilities, she gets groceries. I take her out on dates a few nights a week and pay for 80% of what we do. She offers every time and is so kind but I always turn her down unless she absolutely insists and I think it’s cheap enough to where I put my male ego down and let her pay.
We go on little local trips each year that don’t really cost anything and one big trip where it isn’t cheap. I have never at any point in my relationship told my girlfriend not to order something, what to eat/drink, or denied going out to a place due to price. Ever. I have the money and we don’t go away too often so I don’t care to spend.
Last night we met two groups of fiends who just so happened to be in the same city we were for dinnedrinks, and then a club to cap off the night. She was overly concerned about how much I spent on the night for us ($300) not bad and kept saying thank you all night + asking every time I paid “are you sure, I can help”
On our walk back to our Airbnb, I asked her why she kept doing this and she in a very kind way said “I know you don’t like to spend and I get worried when you do” then mentioned how she doesn’t suggest we go to nice places when we are back home and orders water because she is nervous about stressing me out financially. I asked her if she thinks I’m cheap and without saying it she said yes through various ways of trying to explain around it. Or at least that’s all I heard.
That hurt my heart and my ego a ton. I was just quiet for the rest of the walk home and said I was going to bed due to the drinks.
She is very considerate, thankful, and kind but this comment hurt because it wasn’t regarding our night out but our life in general. How do I emotionally handle this as an adult and move past this? Money has always been a sensitive subject for me and a good way to hit me where it hurts emotionally. I don’t want to be viewed as incapable, weak, or like a cannot provide financially. I know, it’s a me issue.
I do everything I can for us and getting inadvertently called cheap really hurt my feelings. What should I do here?
2024.05.15 12:07 Informal-Yam-7105 My bf (M22) is upset about my opinion i gave while he was ranting
I (F22) was having a phone conversation with my boyfriend (M23) and he was ranting to me about what was going on in his moms house. To get context his mom opened her arms to a lot of our friends to live there when they didn’t have a place to stay. A lot of people, even my boyfriend (her son) left except 1 friend, and the rest of the house was replaced by family members. This one friend is tired of staying because of the disrespect in the house towards my bfs mom and him with being too loud, ect. he found himself a place and is planning to leave before the lease ends in july. My bf is complaining to me how he thinks he should stay because they all agreed to stay until that time and it’s just 2 more months. I really held my tongue on what I really wanted to say because i’m trying to be sympathetic with his situation so I said, “I don’t think it’s his responsibility to stay if he didn’t want to and maybe you and your family members should find a way to take care of his portion of $500.” What I really wanted to say was that yes they opened their arms to let his friends stay their but they have the option to leave when they didn’t sign a written contract, only verbal and i guess good faith they would stay. My bf (her son) even decided to leave and the house is in his name as well leaving his mom with the bills. He also knew his mom was dying 4 years ago with a terminal illness and decided to move out 2 years ago. I feel like if it was my situation I would’ve stayed and wouldn’t burden my mom to take care of her financial situations and wouldn’t ask my friends for help. Especially when they don’t have to follow a verbal agreement and then try to force one person to stay because I decided to not be responsible and get a new apartment hours away from home instead of staying by her side. Personally my mom wouldn’t let me be in the situation where I have to take care of her financial issues but if I had to I would drop everything and do what I could vs leaving it to my friend when I was the one who left. There are family members that stay there as well, there are family members who come to visit that can help with the $500 lost when the friend moves out. I just thought it was unfair for our friend to put that on him when my bf left as well knowing the situation and allowed other people to leave. and his excuse is “i stay at my new apartment i don’t have the funds to do it, my aunt doesn’t even pay rent now she ask her new boyfriend to pay it.” Thats a horrible excuse in my opinion and im a logical thinker and very proactive in decisions dealing with close family members and my life so that really just pissed me off. Because if someday I was to marry him and i turn sick or our children turn sick how would he handle it. Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut and listened to him rant but he always feels like I don’t say much when he rants and it’s because I do not agree with a lot of how he handles things and that’s me having sympathy for his situation by not giving my opinion. I think I was just fed up this time and just started sharing my opinion without even thinking about it. but, as a true friend and girlfriend I can’t sugar coat everything and i’m not going to agree with everything. So, i’m going to give a logical opinion that will hopefully help him realize that he gotta step up to the plate and not depend on other people to fix his problems. After the conversation transpired he hung up on me(which i thought was very childish) and we havnt spoken for 2 days. I was going to reach out and swallow my pride because he needs support right now but in a discord this girl texts his name wrong and then retypes it and he responds with the same thing and she says she drunk texted him. She has his number to do that privately and she barely responds in the discord. But, why is this girl drunk texting you. very off topic but that just seemed weird as if they were trying to get at me or something is happening. Overall i feel bad that i hurt his feelings but it needed to be said because his friend are gonna sugarcoat it and not tell him how it is.
submitted by Informal-Yam-7105 to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 12:04 Broken_Dying_Soul2 I am beyond broken, used and scammed by my employer [Updated]
![I am beyond broken, used and scammed by my employer [Updated]](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/3E8xq1pDCwwiBbUrGuiBqMLg6xJAfDP7Pb-DrRhJM-w.jpg "I am beyond broken, used and scammed by my employer [Updated]") | [Repeating the story for those who haven't heard it, Below is the update. You can skip if you know the story. I had to create a new account as my first account got shadowbanned for DMing a few people who asked me to DM them] submitted by Broken_Dying_Soul2 to malaysia [link] [comments] Hi all... as the title says. I'm a 26F Malaysian, I was already at a very low point in my life mentally and suicidal. I have been tried to take my life away before but somehow god kept me alive I dont know why he didnt let me just go. I have rent coming up and I'm all alone in this life. So the story is, I found this place and got hired I was so happy. I been struggling to find a job as I don't have a degree and never had the money for college. They hired me and I worked for 4 days. Then I got really sick, I have been bleeding(my period has gotten irregular and heavy), I was vomiting, feverish and just feeling so weak. I don't even know what's going on with my body. But I'm mentally exhausted and I'm so pressured. I talked to my manager and told her that I am sick and that I need to get an MC. She basically told me to get it and then fired me. I was kicked out of the work group. I was devastated. How am I gonna pay my rent. But I knew I had to move on and just get my money for those 4 days I worked which I thought would amount to 250-350 RM which would help me greatly. They said they would pay me. One. Two. Three days have passed and they keep ignoring my messages. They said they only pay on the 7th so I waited. Then they ignored again. I was literally begging them for my money. I have almost no money. Just barely even surviving. I was begging them even telling them my situation and everyday I was sick. I even got interviews at other places but I got so sick I couldn't even walk and the bleeding doesn't stop, it stops for two days and comes back. Until today... I didn't know they could be this low and actually hurt me after I have showed them that I got nothing. And what they do? They step on me further. They said to get my money. I needed to send in my resignation letter even though I didn't resign they fired me. So they told me and they suddenly were nice again saying they are trying to help me. After sending my resignation letter. They sent me the payment slip just two hours ago. And to my shock it's in -600+ (Negative!). As if I wasn't already feeling at my lowest ever. They continue to step on me and lie to my face. It hit me... they played me. They wanted me to send my resignation letter so it's like I resigned and before 14 days I get an indemnity penalty which is 800 RM and they don't even gotta pay me a nickel in fact now I owe them 600?? My heart is hurting and beating so fast I don't know if I'll wake up tomorrow. I'll attach the chats for proof. FYI, they don't wash the area where they make the roti and they don't clean the fryer or change the oil. I had my free meals as a staff from there first 2 days and got stomachache I refused to eat it again after. I have removed the name, in hopes the mods don't remove it and also they made a police report against me because of my first post on reddit exposing them. They threatened me too. [UPDATE] Hi, I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul once again. I wish to tell you how you and everyone who helped me got me back standing on my feet. Thanks to your help. From being down and scammed by my employer, rent due, jobless and having 30 RM in my bank account. I now managed to secure a job, I started today. I almost got the rent money even though I'm just a little bit short on the rent money. I thank you for helping me even though you don't know me. I will pay it forward to another soul in need. I currently have 733 in my bank account. Rent is 961. Without you I could have lost my home, evacuated and I don't know where I could have stayed as I don't have anyone. No friends and my family is broken up. Thank you! On a side note, I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't desperate. If you can chip in even as little as 20 it would help me alot. I won't have enough for food but I can get by on maggi. If not, you have already helped me tremendously and I still thank you and will always keep you in my prayers. I thought I should let you know that you have helped changed someone's life and that someone is me! Wish you all the best in life! The only thing that can scare those corporations is the internet and the power of the people. So, if anyone goes through something similar. You can always count on the people to do the right thing. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask or DM me. I couldn't reply much last time as my heart and mind were in shambles. |
2024.05.15 12:02 Informal-Yam-7105 AITAH for telling my boyfriend my opinion while he rant to me about his dying mother and living situation
I (F22) was having a phone conversation with my boyfriend (M23) and he was ranting to me about what was going on in his moms house. To get context his mom opened her arms to a lot of our friends to live there when they didn’t have a place to stay. A lot of people, even my boyfriend (her son) left except 1 friend, and the rest of the house was replaced by family members. This one friend is tired of staying because of the disrespect in the house towards my bfs mom and him with being too loud, ect. he found himself a place and is planning to leave before the lease ends in july. My bf is complaining to me how he thinks he should stay because they all agreed to stay until that time and it’s just 2 more months. I really held my tongue on what I really wanted to say because i’m trying to be sympathetic with his situation so I said, “I don’t think it’s his responsibility to stay if he didn’t want to and maybe you and your family members should find a way to take care of his portion of $500.” What I really wanted to say was that yes they opened their arms to let his friends stay their but they have the option to leave when they didn’t sign a written contract, only verbal and i guess good faith they would stay. My bf (her son) even decided to leave and the house is in his name as well leaving his mom with the bills. He also knew his mom was dying 4 years ago with a terminal illness and decided to move out 2 years ago. I feel like if it was my situation I would’ve stayed and wouldn’t burden my mom to take care of her financial situations and wouldn’t ask my friends for help. Especially when they don’t have to follow a verbal agreement and then try to force one person to stay because I decided to not be responsible and get a new apartment hours away from home instead of staying by her side. Personally my mom wouldn’t let me be in the situation where I have to take care of her financial issues but if I had to I would drop everything and do what I could vs leaving it to my friend when I was the one who left. There are family members that stay there as well, there are family members who come to visit that can help with the $500 lost when the friend moves out. I just thought it was unfair for our friend to put that on him when my bf left as well knowing the situation and allowed other people to leave. and his excuse is “i stay at my new apartment i don’t have the funds to do it, my aunt doesn’t even pay rent now she ask her new boyfriend to pay it.” Thats a horrible excuse in my opinion and im a logical thinker and very proactive in decisions dealing with close family members and my life so that really just pissed me off. Because if someday I was to marry him and i turn sick or our children turn sick how would he handle it. Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut and listened to him rant but he always feels like I don’t say much when he rants and it’s because I do not agree with a lot of how he handles things and that’s me having sympathy for his situation by not giving my opinion. I think I was just fed up this time and just started sharing my opinion without even thinking about it. but, as a true friend and girlfriend I can’t sugar coat everything and i’m not going to agree with everything. So, i’m going to give a logical opinion that will hopefully help him realize that he gotta step up to the plate and not depend on other people to fix his problems. After the conversation transpired he hung up on me(which i thought was very childish) and we havnt spoken for 2 days. I was going to reach out and swallow my pride because he needs support right now but in a discord this girl texts his name wrong and then retypes it and he responds with the same thing and she says she drunk texted him. She has his number to do that privately and she barely responds in the discord. But, why is this girl drunk texting you. very off topic but that just seemed weird as if they were trying to get at me or something is happening. Overall i feel bad that i hurt his feelings but it needed to be said because his friend are gonna sugarcoat it and not tell him how it is.
submitted by Informal-Yam-7105 to AITAH [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 12:01 Willing-Ad7325 My brain is fucked (SA,DA, violence, suicide) I just want to be told I'm not stupid that my life wasn't my fault
When I was young around grade 1, I had this friend in my street, I can't remember much of the time I spent with this guy but I can remember him hurting me like hitting me and shit when I didn't do what he wanted. He smacked my knee with a wrench once. I just fell to the ground. We were decent friends until I told him that I wanted to be girl, I remember him telling me how to do certain things to men. (Seems like he was a victim too). Anyway, throughout my childhood my mother was pretty abusive, she was dealing with psychosis and paranoid delusions, she coped with alcohol and taking it out on dad and I, we would be kicked out, he would be hit manipulated screamed at all the sorts. Anyway it got too much for her one day and she decided to try and smother Me, she then attempted suicide. (I don't remember how it ended I just remember waking up on my bed)
All throughout primary/highschool, I would let people use me. I had very little back bone for myself, I think I was half trying to figure out things that had happened. One time when I had to leave home for a bit cause dad was being violent the persons whos house I was staying at made me touch him in exchange for the place.
I had this friend, he stayed over one night. I think it was one of our birthdays (btw I've had very mixed gendered friends, all very close) Anyway, we were drinking and smoking and eventually he started to ask me if I wanted to do things. I said no, repeatedly. He just kepted asking and was acting all bummed I just felt like shit, I got more drunk and just said yeah sure. The next thing I remember I was bent over my bed, my god it was horrible, it's just flashes of pain and crying and asking him to stop before I moved and pushed him away. I can't remember how the night ended but the next morning was so horrible, I bled from it all. In the future I wasn't so resistant, he would just make me feel bad, I would let him do whatever, the feeling of bits of him left inside me, makes me want to die all by it self. I felt so disgusting I feel so disgusting
Anyway, later on I had gotten into a relationship with this girl. We were together from the ages 17-20 (She like everyone else in my life knew who I was) She knew that sex was horrible for me, I still put out for her when I could. But when I couldn't, she didn't care, she would tell me I'm responsible for her mental decline and things. So I would just give in, most of the time I would just give her oral I preferred this. Sometimes though she wanted to touch me, i would protest and offer alternatives but she didn't care she would just start touching me, eventually she started to insert her fingers and I would literally have tears I my eyes saying no and she'd just keep going if not harder when I said to stop.
I just, fucking hate myself so much, I can't get it out of my head that I did this shit to myself. I feel so disconnected from it all, like the pain and emotions are there but it's just like watching a movie. I feel so disgusting, on edge I'm always In fight or flight, I'm tired I just want to die most of the time.
I just, idk, I still consider these people friends. I can't convince my brain that this was fucked. Like do I just not care and move on? Not talking with em about it or what idk I'm lost I just wanna cry
Idc if the main account causes problems, I just need my possible reasons heard
submitted by Willing-Ad7325 to trans [link] [comments]
All throughout primary/highschool, I would let people use me. I had very little back bone for myself, I think I was half trying to figure out things that had happened. One time when I had to leave home for a bit cause dad was being violent the persons whos house I was staying at made me touch him in exchange for the place.
I had this friend, he stayed over one night. I think it was one of our birthdays (btw I've had very mixed gendered friends, all very close) Anyway, we were drinking and smoking and eventually he started to ask me if I wanted to do things. I said no, repeatedly. He just kepted asking and was acting all bummed I just felt like shit, I got more drunk and just said yeah sure. The next thing I remember I was bent over my bed, my god it was horrible, it's just flashes of pain and crying and asking him to stop before I moved and pushed him away. I can't remember how the night ended but the next morning was so horrible, I bled from it all. In the future I wasn't so resistant, he would just make me feel bad, I would let him do whatever, the feeling of bits of him left inside me, makes me want to die all by it self. I felt so disgusting I feel so disgusting
Anyway, later on I had gotten into a relationship with this girl. We were together from the ages 17-20 (She like everyone else in my life knew who I was) She knew that sex was horrible for me, I still put out for her when I could. But when I couldn't, she didn't care, she would tell me I'm responsible for her mental decline and things. So I would just give in, most of the time I would just give her oral I preferred this. Sometimes though she wanted to touch me, i would protest and offer alternatives but she didn't care she would just start touching me, eventually she started to insert her fingers and I would literally have tears I my eyes saying no and she'd just keep going if not harder when I said to stop.
I just, fucking hate myself so much, I can't get it out of my head that I did this shit to myself. I feel so disconnected from it all, like the pain and emotions are there but it's just like watching a movie. I feel so disgusting, on edge I'm always In fight or flight, I'm tired I just want to die most of the time.
I just, idk, I still consider these people friends. I can't convince my brain that this was fucked. Like do I just not care and move on? Not talking with em about it or what idk I'm lost I just wanna cry
Idc if the main account causes problems, I just need my possible reasons heard
2024.05.15 11:57 abyssaI_watcher I'm having a really hard time moving on from my mental unstable parent.
Noteable people is 18-23M me, 35-38F mother, 8-12F sister, ages aren't a exact for identity purposes. And apologies for any bad grammar, it was never my thing.
So first to preface this by saying yes I know I need to move on I just don't know how without creating more resentment towards my mother than there already is.
So to give context, we live in a government apartment complex (comes into play later) in Oregon. We got it when I 7th grade-8 grade range in middle school. We have been living here ever since. There's been issues here and there like all families, nothing to intense or out of the norm to be of concern or create resentment between us in terms of fights or the such.
Now where the problem comes in first off, my mother has a lot of mental issues. She's throughout all my life has been depressed plus severe anxiety. She said a lot of it stims from having me young and taking care of me. She also due to her young age having me has felt guilty for not providing enough. Which she is very defensive about so throughout my life. Often feeling like I can't say anything without making her get defensive (not angry like crying), so I've by and large kept quiet and just went along with it as it made me feel bad.
This with the fact that I had not father growing up, she tried to basically find replacements. Replacemens looks back I didn't really need, as my grandpa and grandma already shoulder that burden and did a wonderful job at it. This created for my mom the reason to find a boyfriend and stick with them because in her name it was for me to have a father figure so to say. Problem comes, she rushed into theses relationships while being young. So obviously they turned out to be douchebags behind the scenes and bare medium above the table. But she never split from them, only after a really long time due to her attachment issues.
I think u get the idea, now fast forward until roughly a year after COVID started, at the time I believe I was starting my Jr year maybe a little ways into jr year. She quit her job as her job was giving her no hours. This I do not blame at all. But during this time she got a new boyfriend. Same story as the rest, this guy wasn't a full on douchebag but wasn't a good guy either. He kinda was just whatever. He had money as he was big into crypto when that boomed. This with her attachment issue/plus no job created a dependentsy. Since she hasn't gotten a job yet to time of this post.
Now the real problem and why I can't move on. The boyfriend she was dependent on and her broke up. Since she doesn't work a job yet she's not making any money obviously. Oregon in the government apartments we live in it's based on rent, we don't make money we don't need to pay rent. Along with using food stamps. For that reason if she was to get a job rent would go up, food stamps would go down and unless she's working a lot of hours it simply lvls out. That's her reasoning for not getting a job. The rules apply just the same way to me.
Now in normal circumstances I would just find a job, work, pay the rent then move out. But I have a sister, who I getting the short end of the stick. On one hand my mother has said quite literally in the past her job was raising me and as I'm a adult she believes she's finished that job and gets a break.
Tensions between my sister and my mother isn't in the best spot to say the least. My sister isn't good at hiding her emotions especially with puberty hitting her, even tho she trys. this in turn makes my mother's anxiety sky rocket and makes her sad constantly. This makes my sister feel guilty. I try to mediate best I can but as the past with me always keeping quiet, it's let go when it affects others I care about. I never really cared about anyone really in the past so it's never happened. This makes my mother feel like both of us are against her and out to get her. So even worse than before it feels like both me and my sister are on egg shells.
This is also a minor one but relevant none the less. My sister wanted a cat for herself as I had my own. I said it was a bad idea at the time because we had fleas and should deal with that first. My mother said it was fine she was gonna handle it and what not. I said OK but I don't wanna have any responsibilities connected to this animal. Come to today his 1.5 years old and has issues related to fleas as they where never delt with.
So my sister is one reason I have a hard time moving on. The other is I don't wanna feel responsible for both my mother and my sister and paying rent for them while so young myself. Knowing myself well enough I can acknowledge that it will make any and all my resentment blow over terribly for my mother. As the power dynamic will be swapped for me and any eggshells that I would tip toe around, I never will anymore. Any and all guilt shes felt will be multiplied to high. Again making my sister feel bad cuz that girl won't even hurt a fly. So on the one hand I wanna take car of my sister and be there for her, the other hand I don't wanna be near my mother and both in combination I feel is holding me back.
Btw before u ask I've been asking my mother to see a therapist for years. So much so I made it a birthday wish for her to simply make a appointment and that's all I asked for her. She still hasn't but I don't know how to bring it up without stepping on the eggshells. I do once in a while but she get emotional.
Tldr, I don't know how to move on, with taking on so much responsibility I shouldn't have imo, not wanting my sister to get screwed over in the process, single mother that has mental problems that's effecting the whole family.
submitted by abyssaI_watcher to offmychest [link] [comments]
So first to preface this by saying yes I know I need to move on I just don't know how without creating more resentment towards my mother than there already is.
So to give context, we live in a government apartment complex (comes into play later) in Oregon. We got it when I 7th grade-8 grade range in middle school. We have been living here ever since. There's been issues here and there like all families, nothing to intense or out of the norm to be of concern or create resentment between us in terms of fights or the such.
Now where the problem comes in first off, my mother has a lot of mental issues. She's throughout all my life has been depressed plus severe anxiety. She said a lot of it stims from having me young and taking care of me. She also due to her young age having me has felt guilty for not providing enough. Which she is very defensive about so throughout my life. Often feeling like I can't say anything without making her get defensive (not angry like crying), so I've by and large kept quiet and just went along with it as it made me feel bad.
This with the fact that I had not father growing up, she tried to basically find replacements. Replacemens looks back I didn't really need, as my grandpa and grandma already shoulder that burden and did a wonderful job at it. This created for my mom the reason to find a boyfriend and stick with them because in her name it was for me to have a father figure so to say. Problem comes, she rushed into theses relationships while being young. So obviously they turned out to be douchebags behind the scenes and bare medium above the table. But she never split from them, only after a really long time due to her attachment issues.
I think u get the idea, now fast forward until roughly a year after COVID started, at the time I believe I was starting my Jr year maybe a little ways into jr year. She quit her job as her job was giving her no hours. This I do not blame at all. But during this time she got a new boyfriend. Same story as the rest, this guy wasn't a full on douchebag but wasn't a good guy either. He kinda was just whatever. He had money as he was big into crypto when that boomed. This with her attachment issue/plus no job created a dependentsy. Since she hasn't gotten a job yet to time of this post.
Now the real problem and why I can't move on. The boyfriend she was dependent on and her broke up. Since she doesn't work a job yet she's not making any money obviously. Oregon in the government apartments we live in it's based on rent, we don't make money we don't need to pay rent. Along with using food stamps. For that reason if she was to get a job rent would go up, food stamps would go down and unless she's working a lot of hours it simply lvls out. That's her reasoning for not getting a job. The rules apply just the same way to me.
Now in normal circumstances I would just find a job, work, pay the rent then move out. But I have a sister, who I getting the short end of the stick. On one hand my mother has said quite literally in the past her job was raising me and as I'm a adult she believes she's finished that job and gets a break.
Tensions between my sister and my mother isn't in the best spot to say the least. My sister isn't good at hiding her emotions especially with puberty hitting her, even tho she trys. this in turn makes my mother's anxiety sky rocket and makes her sad constantly. This makes my sister feel guilty. I try to mediate best I can but as the past with me always keeping quiet, it's let go when it affects others I care about. I never really cared about anyone really in the past so it's never happened. This makes my mother feel like both of us are against her and out to get her. So even worse than before it feels like both me and my sister are on egg shells.
This is also a minor one but relevant none the less. My sister wanted a cat for herself as I had my own. I said it was a bad idea at the time because we had fleas and should deal with that first. My mother said it was fine she was gonna handle it and what not. I said OK but I don't wanna have any responsibilities connected to this animal. Come to today his 1.5 years old and has issues related to fleas as they where never delt with.
So my sister is one reason I have a hard time moving on. The other is I don't wanna feel responsible for both my mother and my sister and paying rent for them while so young myself. Knowing myself well enough I can acknowledge that it will make any and all my resentment blow over terribly for my mother. As the power dynamic will be swapped for me and any eggshells that I would tip toe around, I never will anymore. Any and all guilt shes felt will be multiplied to high. Again making my sister feel bad cuz that girl won't even hurt a fly. So on the one hand I wanna take car of my sister and be there for her, the other hand I don't wanna be near my mother and both in combination I feel is holding me back.
Btw before u ask I've been asking my mother to see a therapist for years. So much so I made it a birthday wish for her to simply make a appointment and that's all I asked for her. She still hasn't but I don't know how to bring it up without stepping on the eggshells. I do once in a while but she get emotional.
Tldr, I don't know how to move on, with taking on so much responsibility I shouldn't have imo, not wanting my sister to get screwed over in the process, single mother that has mental problems that's effecting the whole family.
2024.05.15 11:51 camiam118 My identical twin and I aren’t speaking for the first time in our lives
My (30m) twin is in a shitty, dangerous situation in his relationship and wants me and our family to just overlook the severity of it in hopes that everything will just be peachy.
He started talking to a girl over Instagram while living with my parents getting his life back together after a very messed up situation he put himself in with our older brother where he was in danger. My older brother is crazy, controlling, and can physically harm family but needed help and my twin thinks he’s here to help everyone.
This girl (Sally) was verbally, mentally, emotionally abusive before they had even met in person. My mom got to hear them fighting constantly but he’d defend her when anyone would ask or show concern. He shared many very worrying details with me like her telling him he’s basically a loser, and many things she didn’t like about him. He’s already so into her at the time and believes it’s a challenge to overcome that he wants to prove himself. He’s constantly sending these letters and flowers confessing his love.
They finally met where she lives multiple states away. She’s told him multiple times since then in different ways if he didn’t do these trips he couldn’t afford, that she would stop talking to him and that happened any time she’d get mad at him.
She also got him to work for their family business for almost nothing, building their website, selling, communicating with customers online. She didn’t want to keep doing it because she has her own business in shitty art you’ve seen on Instagram a thousand times. But people buy it so good for her, I guess.
When her parents and her happened to be going by where my parents live on a business trip, she asked him to get my parents to lie to hers about their relationship and pretend they were just business partners. My parents were obviously appalled and didn’t agree. They never met.
He eventually moved to her state after maybe 6 months of randomly meeting/dates and her parents being told a lie about the development of their relationship. She refused to stay at his apartment until he had furnished it. This whole time we’re warning him that these are serious red flags and sometimes he would tell her he’s not ok with them. She’d say she has trust issues and when he moved that would go away or some other insecurity or she’ll stop something, but she always got what she wanted.
His lease runs out and they end up getting a pretty expensive place together, plus he’s put a bunch of furniture and a car on credit that he can’t afford because she also tells him if they don’t on enough dates she’ll leave him. She had him get the car because she didn’t drive. You name it. So he’s drowning in debt constantly now for the first time in his life.
Then we start hearing really weird shit. He has to get a new work laptop because he spilled water on it. When my brother finally gets to see me, she tells him she doesn’t trust me and doesn’t leave him alone starting drama the entire trip. They break up and I’m getting verbally abusive messages about how I’m a loser and my relationship will never be as good as theirs. Then veiled threats through apology texts when they get back together. Turns out she poured water on his laptop. She’s been verbally abusing him, calling him a “beta cock loser”…she screamed that he was running her over when she wouldn’t let him drive away, threatened to tell police he was abusing her, he later told me they’ve become physically abusive towards each other.
One day he calls me and tells me to keep a recorded phone call he had with her. She was threatening him, telling him he needed to leave the apartment or something bad was going to happen to him. She threatened other things including using her brother’s connection with the cartel to hurt me and my girlfriend’s family in Mexico where we’re living.
This was the final straw for me and my parents. She’s been blocked everywhere and will never be near us again.
My brother, however, even forgave her for this and kept trying to work on the relationship. Later he did temporarily leave and stayed at my parents house but after she kept calling using different numbers and even emailing him telling him she’d bought self help books, he fell for it and went back.
I quit working with my brother and resigned from our company we started, and have since barely spoken to him except when he texts me he loves me. He thinks we can have a normal relationship and even forgive her too. He thinks everyone should believe her that she’s changing. They went to one therapy session. She barely started one of the audio books (I saw the progress on audible).
I feel like he has no self respect or respect for his family or my girlfriend’s, who loves him by the way. I think he’ll end up in jail, hurt, or continuing with her feeling like a loser and being abused. We’ve tried to help and been there for him countless times but he never chooses us. That’s actually something he’s been doing his whole life.
TLDR: My twin brother is being abused and is ruining his life but thinks he’s in love.
submitted by camiam118 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
He started talking to a girl over Instagram while living with my parents getting his life back together after a very messed up situation he put himself in with our older brother where he was in danger. My older brother is crazy, controlling, and can physically harm family but needed help and my twin thinks he’s here to help everyone.
This girl (Sally) was verbally, mentally, emotionally abusive before they had even met in person. My mom got to hear them fighting constantly but he’d defend her when anyone would ask or show concern. He shared many very worrying details with me like her telling him he’s basically a loser, and many things she didn’t like about him. He’s already so into her at the time and believes it’s a challenge to overcome that he wants to prove himself. He’s constantly sending these letters and flowers confessing his love.
They finally met where she lives multiple states away. She’s told him multiple times since then in different ways if he didn’t do these trips he couldn’t afford, that she would stop talking to him and that happened any time she’d get mad at him.
She also got him to work for their family business for almost nothing, building their website, selling, communicating with customers online. She didn’t want to keep doing it because she has her own business in shitty art you’ve seen on Instagram a thousand times. But people buy it so good for her, I guess.
When her parents and her happened to be going by where my parents live on a business trip, she asked him to get my parents to lie to hers about their relationship and pretend they were just business partners. My parents were obviously appalled and didn’t agree. They never met.
He eventually moved to her state after maybe 6 months of randomly meeting/dates and her parents being told a lie about the development of their relationship. She refused to stay at his apartment until he had furnished it. This whole time we’re warning him that these are serious red flags and sometimes he would tell her he’s not ok with them. She’d say she has trust issues and when he moved that would go away or some other insecurity or she’ll stop something, but she always got what she wanted.
His lease runs out and they end up getting a pretty expensive place together, plus he’s put a bunch of furniture and a car on credit that he can’t afford because she also tells him if they don’t on enough dates she’ll leave him. She had him get the car because she didn’t drive. You name it. So he’s drowning in debt constantly now for the first time in his life.
Then we start hearing really weird shit. He has to get a new work laptop because he spilled water on it. When my brother finally gets to see me, she tells him she doesn’t trust me and doesn’t leave him alone starting drama the entire trip. They break up and I’m getting verbally abusive messages about how I’m a loser and my relationship will never be as good as theirs. Then veiled threats through apology texts when they get back together. Turns out she poured water on his laptop. She’s been verbally abusing him, calling him a “beta cock loser”…she screamed that he was running her over when she wouldn’t let him drive away, threatened to tell police he was abusing her, he later told me they’ve become physically abusive towards each other.
One day he calls me and tells me to keep a recorded phone call he had with her. She was threatening him, telling him he needed to leave the apartment or something bad was going to happen to him. She threatened other things including using her brother’s connection with the cartel to hurt me and my girlfriend’s family in Mexico where we’re living.
This was the final straw for me and my parents. She’s been blocked everywhere and will never be near us again.
My brother, however, even forgave her for this and kept trying to work on the relationship. Later he did temporarily leave and stayed at my parents house but after she kept calling using different numbers and even emailing him telling him she’d bought self help books, he fell for it and went back.
I quit working with my brother and resigned from our company we started, and have since barely spoken to him except when he texts me he loves me. He thinks we can have a normal relationship and even forgive her too. He thinks everyone should believe her that she’s changing. They went to one therapy session. She barely started one of the audio books (I saw the progress on audible).
I feel like he has no self respect or respect for his family or my girlfriend’s, who loves him by the way. I think he’ll end up in jail, hurt, or continuing with her feeling like a loser and being abused. We’ve tried to help and been there for him countless times but he never chooses us. That’s actually something he’s been doing his whole life.
TLDR: My twin brother is being abused and is ruining his life but thinks he’s in love.
2024.05.15 11:45 Donnyross786 Help me
Help me please if there’s anyone who’s financially well off. I’m 24 from the uk and this year has been fucking shit to keep a long story short me and my ex split up in January we have a two year old son together and I’ve not been able to see him in months because of lies she’s told the police about me had me arrested twice for things I didn’t do luckily the police seen through her lies and nothing happened with that but she’s got social services involved and they are the most useless horrible people around they’re the people who have helped her in not letting me see my son and I have to do something about it. My sons mother is a danger and a vile person she’s got another daughter who she’s abused for years and I’ve witnessed it with my own eyes I’m worried sick she’s doing the same with my son ever since been little they’ve both always had marks on them I know kids fall over all the time and hurt themselves but they’re all different types of marks, bruises, scratches even bites marks which aren’t kids size teeth. This week has been the last straw for me she’s having different lads round who I don’t feel comfortable with being around my son her family are known drug dealers and overall shit people so what I’m asking is if anyone out there has ten thousand pounds to give me you don’t understand how much it would change my life. The reason why I want that is because I want to start a new life with my son away from her and all of them I have everything in place apart from the money if anyone is out there who’s well off please help me, this is only if you are rich please don’t anyone send anything if you aren’t. If anyone sees this and thinks about it but thinks it might be a scam I’ll leave my phone number email address and I’ll show proof of everything trust me this is not a scam I’m just broken by all of this and just looking for anyone out there who could help if there is someone out there who would help I’ll be internally grateful I’ll leave my details here.
Phone number:07762804980 Email address: lacz660@gmail.com Bank details: ADAM LACKENBY SORT CODE 11-07-83 ACCOUNT NUMBER 11271067
I know it’s stupid giving my details out but that’s how serious I am if anyone thinks it would be smart to try and hack my bank account there’s nothing in it so it would be pointless.I’m going to put this on all social media Reddit and anything like that to get as much people to see it as possible if you see this and want to help but can’t send any money all I ask is you share this as much as you can that means a lot just by doing that. If anyone is willing to do this please it would change my life thank you.
submitted by Donnyross786 to Fatherhood [link] [comments]
Phone number:07762804980 Email address: lacz660@gmail.com Bank details: ADAM LACKENBY SORT CODE 11-07-83 ACCOUNT NUMBER 11271067
I know it’s stupid giving my details out but that’s how serious I am if anyone thinks it would be smart to try and hack my bank account there’s nothing in it so it would be pointless.I’m going to put this on all social media Reddit and anything like that to get as much people to see it as possible if you see this and want to help but can’t send any money all I ask is you share this as much as you can that means a lot just by doing that. If anyone is willing to do this please it would change my life thank you.
2024.05.15 11:42 Kindly-Cat-2507 My boyfriend of 5 years wants to break up with me out of the blue
My boyfriend (M35) and I (F30) have been together for 5 years. He has a daugther who is 8 years old and she is like my own - I love her very much and she loves me, we have a great friendship. When my boyfriend and I started dating, the mother of his child wasn't very happy about this and tried everything to break us up. My boyfriend at that time was overattached to this woman and did everything she said (he still does sometimes, but it has become so much better over time). She accused me of hurting the child physically (just because she was afraid of it, nothing like this ever happened), she shouted at me for taking the father away from the child by just being in their lives, she told my boyfriend when and where he can spend time with me and when he has to be with his daugther etc. We managed to keep our relationship and he has developed boundaries with his ex. However, this has caused us a lot of drama, damage and fights over the period of time that we have been together - mostly because of my jealousy, fear, insecurity and a feeling that I am not as important as the mother of his child. However, I have always taken care of my boyfriend and his child - they are the world to me. I pay the full rent of our apartment that we bought together, I also buy clothes and toys for his daughter (when she is with us - approximately 10 days in a month) and food. I have tried to be the best girlfriend even though I have had several setbacks - I am not an angel and I have my bad days and my insecurities. We have travelled a lot together - to Peru, Laos, USA, half of Europe etc. We talk a lot and share our problems and success. He is my best friend.
A few years ago I had a surgery on my stomach and didn't know that the baby pills do not have effect after this kind of surgery - I got pregnant. He told me that when his daugther was born he had a lot of problems and fights with his ex, because she cancelled the baby pills without telling him and got pregnant. He told me that because of that he he is not ready for another child right now and he wanted me to do an abortion. I was afraid of ending up alone with a child and I wasn't in a good place back then so I did it - the biggest mistake of my life that I deeply regret. This, also, has been a source of tension between us.
I have noticed some changes in our relationship for some time now. A month ago we had an argument over trivial things and he told me out of the blue that he wants to break up. I asked him for some time and to discuss it again when we are both calm. We did it couple of days later and decided to give each other a second chance - he told me that he needed to do some things alone without me (like riding a bike or going out with friends) and I acknowledged that. Everyone needs space. Two days ago I found out from his daughter that my boyfriend took flowers and cake for his ex (the mother of his child) for Mother's Day and I confronted him. The woman has caused so much unnecessary damage in our relationship and it hurt me. He has brought me flowers twice during our relationship and it seemed weird. He got pissed and then told me that he has thought about breaking up for two-three weeks now and wants to do it. It shocked me because I had tried to give him space, but at the same time to help him with his daughter and things at home. During those weeks, he had told me that everything is fine and assured me that I had nothing to worry about. I am devastated.
When I ask him questions he keeps responding me with three different answers every time and it confuses me. At one point he tells me that he is like 80% sure that he wants to break up with me, then again, 5 minutes later he is telling me that he will pack his things tomorrow, then he says that he wants to come and celebrate my father's birthday next day because he likes my family (even though he just said that he wanted to leave me)... I am so confused. We decided to take a break and agreed to talk about our relationship and what is going to happen in 4 days - he still keeps saying that he has made up his mind though. I am losing my mind and I am just in a shock. He is so calm and he seems like he does not care at all that he is going to lose me - I told him that I am not able to be friends with him right away because I still love him as my man. I don't know what to do. I am just so sad and feel like there is a big hole in my heart.
Thank you for reading and I will appreciate all your answers. I have never posted on any sites but I felt that I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
submitted by Kindly-Cat-2507 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
A few years ago I had a surgery on my stomach and didn't know that the baby pills do not have effect after this kind of surgery - I got pregnant. He told me that when his daugther was born he had a lot of problems and fights with his ex, because she cancelled the baby pills without telling him and got pregnant. He told me that because of that he he is not ready for another child right now and he wanted me to do an abortion. I was afraid of ending up alone with a child and I wasn't in a good place back then so I did it - the biggest mistake of my life that I deeply regret. This, also, has been a source of tension between us.
I have noticed some changes in our relationship for some time now. A month ago we had an argument over trivial things and he told me out of the blue that he wants to break up. I asked him for some time and to discuss it again when we are both calm. We did it couple of days later and decided to give each other a second chance - he told me that he needed to do some things alone without me (like riding a bike or going out with friends) and I acknowledged that. Everyone needs space. Two days ago I found out from his daughter that my boyfriend took flowers and cake for his ex (the mother of his child) for Mother's Day and I confronted him. The woman has caused so much unnecessary damage in our relationship and it hurt me. He has brought me flowers twice during our relationship and it seemed weird. He got pissed and then told me that he has thought about breaking up for two-three weeks now and wants to do it. It shocked me because I had tried to give him space, but at the same time to help him with his daughter and things at home. During those weeks, he had told me that everything is fine and assured me that I had nothing to worry about. I am devastated.
When I ask him questions he keeps responding me with three different answers every time and it confuses me. At one point he tells me that he is like 80% sure that he wants to break up with me, then again, 5 minutes later he is telling me that he will pack his things tomorrow, then he says that he wants to come and celebrate my father's birthday next day because he likes my family (even though he just said that he wanted to leave me)... I am so confused. We decided to take a break and agreed to talk about our relationship and what is going to happen in 4 days - he still keeps saying that he has made up his mind though. I am losing my mind and I am just in a shock. He is so calm and he seems like he does not care at all that he is going to lose me - I told him that I am not able to be friends with him right away because I still love him as my man. I don't know what to do. I am just so sad and feel like there is a big hole in my heart.
Thank you for reading and I will appreciate all your answers. I have never posted on any sites but I felt that I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
2024.05.15 11:42 Willing-Ad7325 My brain is fucked (SA,DA, violence, suicide)
When I was young around grade 1, I had this friend in my street, I can't remember much of the time I spent with this guy but I can remember him hurting me like hitting me and shit when I didn't do what he wanted. He smacked my knee with a wrench once. I just fell to the ground. We were decent friends until I told him that I wanted to be girl, I remember him telling me how to do certain things to men. (Seems like he was a victim too). Anyway, throughout my childhood my mother was pretty abusive, she was dealing with psychosis and paranoid delusions, she coped with alcohol and taking it out on dad and I, we would be kicked out, he would be hit manipulated screamed at all the sorts. Anyway it got too much for her one day and she decided to try and smother Me, she then attempted suicide. (I don't remember how it ended I just remember waking up on my bed)
All throughout primary/highschool, I would let people use me. I had very little back bone for myself, I think I was half trying to figure out things that had happened. One time when I had to leave home for a bit cause dad was being violent the persons whos house I was staying at made me touch him in exchange for the place.
I had this friend, he stayed over one night. I think it was one of our birthdays (btw I've had very mixed gendered friends, all very close) Anyway, we were drinking and smoking and eventually he started to ask me if I wanted to do things. I said no, repeatedly. He just kepted asking and was acting all bummed I just felt like shit, I got more drunk and just said yeah sure. The next thing I remember I was bent over my bed, my god it was horrible, it's just flashes of pain and crying and asking him to stop before I moved and pushed him away. I can't remember how the night ended but the next morning was so horrible, I bled from it all. In the future I wasn't so resistant, he would just make me feel bad, I would let him do whatever, the feeling of bits of him left inside me, makes me want to die all by it self. I felt so disgusting I feel so disgusting
Anyway, later on I had gotten into a relationship with this girl. We were together from the ages 17-20 (She like everyone else in my life knew who I was) She knew that sex was horrible for me, I still put out for her when I could. But when I couldn't, she didn't care, she would tell me I'm responsible for her mental decline and things. So I would just give in, most of the time I would just give her oral I preferred this. Sometimes though she wanted to touch me, i would protest and offer alternatives but she didn't care she would just start touching me, eventually she started to insert her fingers and I would literally have tears I my eyes saying no and she'd just keep going if not harder when I said to stop.
I just, fucking hate myself so much, I can't get it out of my head that I did this shit to myself. I feel so disconnected from it all, like the pain and emotions are there but it's just like watching a movie. I feel so disgusting, on edge I'm always In fight or flight, I'm tired I just want to die most of the time.
I just, idk, I still consider these people friends. I can't convince my brain that this was fucked. Like do I just not care and move on? Not talking with em about it or what idk I'm lost I just wanna cry
Idc if the main account causes problems, I just need my possible reasons heard
submitted by Willing-Ad7325 to MtF [link] [comments]
All throughout primary/highschool, I would let people use me. I had very little back bone for myself, I think I was half trying to figure out things that had happened. One time when I had to leave home for a bit cause dad was being violent the persons whos house I was staying at made me touch him in exchange for the place.
I had this friend, he stayed over one night. I think it was one of our birthdays (btw I've had very mixed gendered friends, all very close) Anyway, we were drinking and smoking and eventually he started to ask me if I wanted to do things. I said no, repeatedly. He just kepted asking and was acting all bummed I just felt like shit, I got more drunk and just said yeah sure. The next thing I remember I was bent over my bed, my god it was horrible, it's just flashes of pain and crying and asking him to stop before I moved and pushed him away. I can't remember how the night ended but the next morning was so horrible, I bled from it all. In the future I wasn't so resistant, he would just make me feel bad, I would let him do whatever, the feeling of bits of him left inside me, makes me want to die all by it self. I felt so disgusting I feel so disgusting
Anyway, later on I had gotten into a relationship with this girl. We were together from the ages 17-20 (She like everyone else in my life knew who I was) She knew that sex was horrible for me, I still put out for her when I could. But when I couldn't, she didn't care, she would tell me I'm responsible for her mental decline and things. So I would just give in, most of the time I would just give her oral I preferred this. Sometimes though she wanted to touch me, i would protest and offer alternatives but she didn't care she would just start touching me, eventually she started to insert her fingers and I would literally have tears I my eyes saying no and she'd just keep going if not harder when I said to stop.
I just, fucking hate myself so much, I can't get it out of my head that I did this shit to myself. I feel so disconnected from it all, like the pain and emotions are there but it's just like watching a movie. I feel so disgusting, on edge I'm always In fight or flight, I'm tired I just want to die most of the time.
I just, idk, I still consider these people friends. I can't convince my brain that this was fucked. Like do I just not care and move on? Not talking with em about it or what idk I'm lost I just wanna cry
Idc if the main account causes problems, I just need my possible reasons heard
2024.05.15 11:39 blueguy97 I think I have POTS?
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me for so long now, and I really, really think this might be it. On one hand, I’m fairly certain this is what’s going on, but on the other, I’m scared I’m wrong and I’ll never figure it out.
So the main reason for my uncertainty is I’ve never passed out. I’ve gotten incredibly dizzy, and have very nearly passed out before, but never /actually/ did. I was researching and saw a lot of people don’t, but it’s still in my head.
For the symptoms I do have, there’s so many. I’ve had my vision go spotty or fully black on standing up, standing and walking is INSANELY uncomfortable and often painful, I have awful fatigue, when I eat I get really bad heart palpitations and generally just feel terrible. I got a pulse oximeter and my heart rate does go up when I go from sitting/laying to standing, but it’s not always 30+ bpm. I have neuropathy, stairs are my worst enemy, when I overdo it I pay for it for days after, when I go to bed, I have horrible heart palpitations that not only feel scary but they sometimes hurt. Plus so many more things.
It feels like my doctor doesn’t believe me because I also have horrible anxiety, but she referred me to get an echocardiogram and a 48 hour halter test. I’m worried I’m not going to be taken seriously, especially being overweight, because all of my problems tend to be blamed on that.
submitted by blueguy97 to POTS [link] [comments]
So the main reason for my uncertainty is I’ve never passed out. I’ve gotten incredibly dizzy, and have very nearly passed out before, but never /actually/ did. I was researching and saw a lot of people don’t, but it’s still in my head.
For the symptoms I do have, there’s so many. I’ve had my vision go spotty or fully black on standing up, standing and walking is INSANELY uncomfortable and often painful, I have awful fatigue, when I eat I get really bad heart palpitations and generally just feel terrible. I got a pulse oximeter and my heart rate does go up when I go from sitting/laying to standing, but it’s not always 30+ bpm. I have neuropathy, stairs are my worst enemy, when I overdo it I pay for it for days after, when I go to bed, I have horrible heart palpitations that not only feel scary but they sometimes hurt. Plus so many more things.
It feels like my doctor doesn’t believe me because I also have horrible anxiety, but she referred me to get an echocardiogram and a 48 hour halter test. I’m worried I’m not going to be taken seriously, especially being overweight, because all of my problems tend to be blamed on that.
2024.05.15 11:36 Virtual-Bicycle-3249 And again.
I went back and re-read one of your last letters... and I'm still stuck. "I appreciate that you're interested, but come on..." Except... "Does she like you?" and then "How much does she like you?" Maybe it's just my betrayal wounding, keeping me rooted in a problem that doesn't need to be one. You clearly got something out of the signals you sent or you wouldn't have done so. That doesn't have to mean anything. You didn't owe me. But we were friends, and you essentially played games with my heart, and that does mean something. It means a great deal to me because I've already been betrayed by so many.
You didn't know a lot of this, because we didn't ever really go that deep. I would have wanted to, but you never showed any interest in asking me the same kinds of personal questions I asked you in the beginning. I realize looking back that the information about me you did have was volunteered. And that tracks with what you said about your lack of attachment. Repression, disinterest, perception of being a third wheel. Why bother to feel if you believe your feelings will never be reciprocated? I know that feeling... except you put me on the receiving end because of your inability to connect to and manage yourself, and now I have to deal with that.
I realize how toxic my reactions to you were. How I jumped into fixing when I should have been taking a step back and letting you figure it out. And I get how that escalated things. That's something I have to work on, and forgive myself for. That's an issue in itself. It doesn't mitigate the game playing though. You didn't have to ...
It just hurts, I guess. I'm realizing part of that is shame, for not being more aware. Man after man has misled me about their intentions and instead of being more mindful of that, I hung on every word, every hint, rationalizing the mixed signals and hot and cold nonsense. One day, making me blush, the next, nowhere to be found or saying offensive stuff, refusing to apologize, and disappearing for a bit, only to come back and act like nothing happened a day or two later. It's maddening. I know better. But I was enamoured of you, and so attached, so I overlooked and made excuses and tried to fix, so I wouldn't have to say goodbye, and all I really did was magnify my own pain when it inevitably hit that this was convenient for you, pleasurable in the comfortable, distant way Internet connections can be, but it didn't really impact your every day life. Not like it did mine. I was looking for something in you that I should have been finding in myself. My ivory tower fell a long time ago, but somehow I seem to have remained an idealist, a romantic, and letting go of the idea of a great love is hard for me. There was so much about you that seemed familiar to me. I thought we had more in common than we do.
I don't really know what I'm getting at here. The fundamental core of this sentiment is you hurt me, and you didn't have to. I own my own shit. And I can see that you struggle to figure everything out, that you're trying to get better, and I appreciate that. But... you hurt me, and you didn't have to. I know you said sorry for leading me on. But all that about "mistakenly talking about" your "confusion" and telling me that I "can be very engaging"... so it's my fault? I mean, thanks for the compliment, but I really don't understand what that means. When I feel lonely and sad I return to that letter again and again, not to wallow, but because I feel tied in knots over how nonsensical some of it is. It's nobody's fault if you lead someone on except yours. It doesn't matter if they're a solid 10 (and I'm not, but let's go hyperbolic to slide the point home, shall we?). The responsibility for your behavior lays with you, just like mine does with me. I could be Aphrodite incarnate (I'm not) and you would still bear the sole responsibility for how you approached me. It doesn't matter that I'm a certain way, the only person who confused you is you. And if you had wanted to talk about it, I mean actually, really talk about it, I'd have held space. But to shame me for not being more forward when you weren't even sure you wanted me to be interested in the first place, only to tell me my interest is misplaced, and apologize for leading me on while distancing yourself from actually having done so... It's all so much circular, self indulgent bullshit.
And it isn't really that this one thing is coloring my entire experience of you... or that it's this world shattering big deal. It's not. I think I am fixated on that specifically because it hits on so many other experiences where men felt I was a sort of commodity to value or discard as they pleased, without regard for how it affected my well being. "I didn't mean to hurt you" doesn't always mean "I actively kept your wellbeing in mind, but I made mistakes and that hurt you, and I'm sorry". Sometimes, it means "I wasn't actively thinking about not hurting you." I'm sure you can see the difference in those two statements.
I suppose I could look inward, because when I was triggered by your outbursts and your lack of accountability, and later, your abandonment, I certainly wasn't thinking about your wellbeing. When I went NC the only aspect of you I was thinking about was the behavior and lack of good good faith I needed to protect myself from. I see how some of that is exaggerated. When you're not melting down, you're actually quite earnest. You said you don't attach, yet on multiple occasions you've demonstrated premeditated consideration. You can be quite thoughtful. Charming, sweet, earnest, provocative even (not in the antagonistic way, though you're very good at that, too).
You already said I deserved better. I don't know what I'm looking for here. It just hurts. It hurts, and it didn't have to.
submitted by Virtual-Bicycle-3249 to letters [link] [comments]
You didn't know a lot of this, because we didn't ever really go that deep. I would have wanted to, but you never showed any interest in asking me the same kinds of personal questions I asked you in the beginning. I realize looking back that the information about me you did have was volunteered. And that tracks with what you said about your lack of attachment. Repression, disinterest, perception of being a third wheel. Why bother to feel if you believe your feelings will never be reciprocated? I know that feeling... except you put me on the receiving end because of your inability to connect to and manage yourself, and now I have to deal with that.
I realize how toxic my reactions to you were. How I jumped into fixing when I should have been taking a step back and letting you figure it out. And I get how that escalated things. That's something I have to work on, and forgive myself for. That's an issue in itself. It doesn't mitigate the game playing though. You didn't have to ...
It just hurts, I guess. I'm realizing part of that is shame, for not being more aware. Man after man has misled me about their intentions and instead of being more mindful of that, I hung on every word, every hint, rationalizing the mixed signals and hot and cold nonsense. One day, making me blush, the next, nowhere to be found or saying offensive stuff, refusing to apologize, and disappearing for a bit, only to come back and act like nothing happened a day or two later. It's maddening. I know better. But I was enamoured of you, and so attached, so I overlooked and made excuses and tried to fix, so I wouldn't have to say goodbye, and all I really did was magnify my own pain when it inevitably hit that this was convenient for you, pleasurable in the comfortable, distant way Internet connections can be, but it didn't really impact your every day life. Not like it did mine. I was looking for something in you that I should have been finding in myself. My ivory tower fell a long time ago, but somehow I seem to have remained an idealist, a romantic, and letting go of the idea of a great love is hard for me. There was so much about you that seemed familiar to me. I thought we had more in common than we do.
I don't really know what I'm getting at here. The fundamental core of this sentiment is you hurt me, and you didn't have to. I own my own shit. And I can see that you struggle to figure everything out, that you're trying to get better, and I appreciate that. But... you hurt me, and you didn't have to. I know you said sorry for leading me on. But all that about "mistakenly talking about" your "confusion" and telling me that I "can be very engaging"... so it's my fault? I mean, thanks for the compliment, but I really don't understand what that means. When I feel lonely and sad I return to that letter again and again, not to wallow, but because I feel tied in knots over how nonsensical some of it is. It's nobody's fault if you lead someone on except yours. It doesn't matter if they're a solid 10 (and I'm not, but let's go hyperbolic to slide the point home, shall we?). The responsibility for your behavior lays with you, just like mine does with me. I could be Aphrodite incarnate (I'm not) and you would still bear the sole responsibility for how you approached me. It doesn't matter that I'm a certain way, the only person who confused you is you. And if you had wanted to talk about it, I mean actually, really talk about it, I'd have held space. But to shame me for not being more forward when you weren't even sure you wanted me to be interested in the first place, only to tell me my interest is misplaced, and apologize for leading me on while distancing yourself from actually having done so... It's all so much circular, self indulgent bullshit.
And it isn't really that this one thing is coloring my entire experience of you... or that it's this world shattering big deal. It's not. I think I am fixated on that specifically because it hits on so many other experiences where men felt I was a sort of commodity to value or discard as they pleased, without regard for how it affected my well being. "I didn't mean to hurt you" doesn't always mean "I actively kept your wellbeing in mind, but I made mistakes and that hurt you, and I'm sorry". Sometimes, it means "I wasn't actively thinking about not hurting you." I'm sure you can see the difference in those two statements.
I suppose I could look inward, because when I was triggered by your outbursts and your lack of accountability, and later, your abandonment, I certainly wasn't thinking about your wellbeing. When I went NC the only aspect of you I was thinking about was the behavior and lack of good good faith I needed to protect myself from. I see how some of that is exaggerated. When you're not melting down, you're actually quite earnest. You said you don't attach, yet on multiple occasions you've demonstrated premeditated consideration. You can be quite thoughtful. Charming, sweet, earnest, provocative even (not in the antagonistic way, though you're very good at that, too).
You already said I deserved better. I don't know what I'm looking for here. It just hurts. It hurts, and it didn't have to.
2024.05.15 11:34 Bummblee The Drink - A Barotrauma Tale Pt. 1 (Reupload)
 | This is a reupload of a story I wrote about 3 years ago and never finished - moderately edited to improve on some areas where my writing was lacking back then - unceremoniously titled 'The Drink'. I've been writing it off and on since the original was uploaded, and have finally found a point in life where I can actually write more than a line or two and be confident that it's good enough for literally anyone else besides me to read. submitted by Bummblee to Barotrauma [link] [comments] Reuploading so the few of you who are interested in reading it dont have to dig through three years of post history to find the first part. Please enjoy, I'll be posting new parts semi-regularly as the story progresses. __________ “Man has gone out to explore other worlds and other civilizations without having explored his own labyrinth of dark passages and secret chambers, and without finding what lies behind doorways that he himself has sealed.” ― Stanisław Lem Part One - Step into the DrinkRichard Dorsett eyed the myriad of cargo transfer manifests and crew intake forms with growing trepidation. Every minute spent docked at this waystation was a minute wasted, and he'd spent the better part of the morning mulling over paperwork - the requisition of fresh medical supplies, amenities for the beleaguered crew, and munitions for aging weapon systems all had to be documented and signed off by him as per the Coalition's directives. He rifled through some of the pages haphazardly, signing a release form here or a liability waiver there until his frustration got the better of him and he set the stack aside, to be dealt with later.Dorsett was rather average - average weight, average height with a tempered tone of voice and an unimposing visage. He'd served aboard this vessel, the Ardent Wretch, for some time as its helmsman, only recently taking on the role of its captain. Dorsett leaned back in his chair and keyed his headset before speaking. "🇱🇪🇴, 🇾🇦' 🇩🇴🇳🇪 🇾🇪🇹? 🇮'🇲 🇧🇴🇺🇹 🇷🇪🇦🇩🇾 🇹🇴 🇸🇹🇦🇷🇹 🇵🇺🇸🇭🇮🇳' 🇴🇫🇫 🇹🇭🇮🇸 🇸🇭🇮🇹🇭🇴🇱🇪." There was a drawn-out pause before a reply came, Leo's voice coming in garbled from the old comms equipment. "🇾🇪-🇭, 🇾🇪🇦-🇭. 🇲🇦🇷🇬🇪🇷🇪🇹 -🇸 🇦🇷🇬🇺-🇮🇳🇬 🇼🇮🇹🇭 🇹-🇭🇪 🇸🇺🇵🇵-🇱🇾 🇴🇫🇫🇮-🇪🇷 -🇧🇴🇺🇹 🇦 🇲🇮🇸-🇸🇮🇳🇬 🇨🇷🇦🇹- 🇴🇫 🇲🇪🇩🇸, 🇧🇺🇹 🇼🇪'🇷🇪 🇼🇷🇦-🇵🇵🇮🇳🇬 🇺🇵 🇳-🇴🇼." Dorsett huffed a sigh, "🇫🇴🇷🇬🇪🇹 🇦🇧🇴🇺🇹 🇹🇭🇪 🇲🇪🇩🇸, 🇼🇪'🇻🇪 🇸🇹🇮🇱🇱 🇬🇴🇹 🇪🇳🇴🇺🇬🇭 🇹🇴 🇼🇴🇷🇰 🇼🇮🇹🇭 🇴🇳 🇹🇭🇪 🇸🇺🇧... 🇼🇪'🇱🇱 🇬🇴 🇬🇪🇹 🇲🇴🇷🇪 🇦🇹 🇹🇭🇪 🇳🇪🇽🇹 🇸🇹🇦🇹🇮🇴🇳 🇦🇫🇹🇪🇷 🇼🇪 🇩🇷🇴🇵 🇴🇫🇫 🇹🇭🇪 🇴🇹🇭🇪🇷 🇨🇦🇷🇬🇴. 🇯🇺🇸🇹 🇬🇪🇹 🇧🇦🇨🇰 🇴🇳 🇧🇴🇦🇷🇩." "🇦🇾-🇪, 🇨🇦🇵🇹-🇦🇮🇳. 🇮-'🇱🇱 🇹🇷- 🇹🇦' 🇵🇺🇱🇱 🇲🇦🇷🇬--🇪🇹 🇴🇫🇫'🇦 🇹🇭-..." Came Leo's reply just as Dorsett's headset blared a deafening warning and shut off. He cursed, wrenching the device from his head and tossed it on the console in frustration. Great, Battery's dead. Dorsett thought to himself, sighing again as he sat up from the captain's chair. He picked the headset up off the console and flipped it around in his hands. The equipment provided to the crew of the Ardent Wretch was as old as it was prone to failure, and what did work drained power at an incredible rate. He threw the headset onto his shoulder and moved to the aft end of the ship, through the airlock, and into the medical suite. Dr. Eli Boman had been occupied with organizing the ship's sparse medical supplies and was indifferent to Dorsett's entrance. "Ey Dick..." murmured Eli, not looking away from his work as Dorsett passed through, "Where you headed?" Eli Boman was a portly, sullen and cowardly man, not entirely dissimilar from his twin brother, Chance Boman. The good doctor had spent a great deal of time serving aboard the Wretch, tending to the minor burns and bruises of which were commonplace when serving aboard any vessel. "Headset's busted. Gonna see if Dale's got any more batteries in storage." Replied Dorsett, gesturing in Eli's general direction. "How's the leg?" Eli turned slightly, glancing from his leg to Dorsett as a scowl formed across his face. "Still hurts. Don't want to waste the morphine on it, though. Hey, uh-... Leo an' Margeret drop off the medical crate yet?" Dorsett stopped and shook his head. "No crate. Sounds like 'et got... misplaced. Gonna have ta' get one at the next station." Eli slumped his shoulders and turned back towards his work. "Fuckin' figures." He muttered disdainfully. Dorsett scowled at the harsh reaction but chose not to engage the topic further, choosing to instead leave the doctor to his sorting and pass into the next airlock. He'd known that the recent change of command hadn't gone over well with some of the crew, the Boman twins making their disapproval rather well known. They had both worked under the previous captain, William Reyes, for nearly three years and were the first to object to Dorsett's ascension. The Ardent Wretch had been captained first by one Malcolm Falcone who, through either a lack of experience or a callous disregard for the wellbeing of his crew, lost his position to William Reyes in a mutiny in which he did not survive. With Reyes at the helm, the Wretch and her crew did fairly well and made quite the name for itself, even having tentative plans to enlist the vessel officially under the Coalition Navy. That was until the Crew of the Ardent Wretch received a harrowing distress signal from what appeared to be a half-sunk mining vessel during a routine cargo transport. Reyes ordered the Wretch to respond and he, headstrong as he'd always been, disembarked and descended to investigate the sunken miner along with two security officers, placing the then helmsman Dorsett in command of the vessel temporarily. A full day passed with no response from captain Reyes or the rest of the response team after the initial boarding, and with Richard Dorsett as the acting captain a decision needed to be made. At first, Dorsett had made preparations to send another team down, but just before the new team was about to depart a second and final transmission reached the Wretch from one of the response team members. It was faint and garbled with interference, but the message was clear enough and still rang in Dorsett's mind at times. "🇹🇭- 🇪🇳🇹🇮🇷-🇪 🇨🇷-🇼 🇮🇸 🇮🇳🇫🇪-🇨🇹-🇩...🇭🇺🇸🇰-... -🇸🇮🇹🇪... 🇨🇦🇵🇹🇦-🇮🇳 🇷🇪🇾-🇪🇸 🇼🇦🇸 🇮🇳🇫-🇪🇨-... 🇸🇭🇴🇹 -🇮🇲🇸🇪🇱🇫... 🇩🇴🇳- 🇧🇴🇦🇷🇩... 🇷🇺🇳-..." Dorsett remembered how his stomach lurched to his throat in that moment. Everything he and Reyes had worked towards shattered to pieces in a single transmission. He remembered ordering the ordinance technician to load a depth charge as the helmsman pulled the ship to a safer distance. as the Ardent Wretch ascended, pulling away from the mining vessel, the depth charge was released and detonated just off the bow of the sub and freed it from the sea wall. What remained to sink further into the abyss and taking those infected along with it. With the death of Captain Reyes, the spirit of the Ardent Wretch and its crew seemed to have died with him. The idea to join the Coalition Navy was abandoned, Dorsett not having anywhere near the reputation or connections with the Coalition as Reyes had. The crew entering a malaise of sorts as the weeks wore on, their stomach for adventure lost as everyone grew content with running odd jobs and ferrying cargo from one shit-stinking station to the next. The twins hadn't forgiven him for abandoning Reyes, and Dorsett knew they blamed him for their current circumstances. Dorsett found himself lost in the dreary memories of those past three months. He realized he'd been lingering in the airlock for what must have been a few minutes and shook the haze from his mind. Wiping his face with his hands, he pressed on through the airlock and into the next corridor until he arrived at the storage room. Sergei Ladon was there to greet him as he entered the storage room. Ladon was a thin, short man with a thick Neo-Russian accent. He was devilishly charming - a trait that had earned him quite the reputation as a philanderer - and Dorsett was happy to see him there, knowing he could use some of that levity right about now. Ladon was one of the few who supported Dorsett's ascension to command; the two had known each other for some time, Ladon being the ship's resident Electrical Technician having taught Dorsett a few tricks with repairing the sub's systems during their downtime. The two exchanged a friendly nod, Dorsett rifling through the different lockers for a new battery as Ladon returned to whatever it was he was doing. Eventually finding a battery, Dorsett sat on the floor just opposite of Ladon, removing the headset from his shoulder and fiddling with the battery plate. "What'cha workin' on Ladon?" He asked. "Trying to find new fuse. One of the junction boxes blew one and now part of the crew quarters is without light, and everyon' blame me!" Ladon turned, exaggerating with his arms as a smile bore wide across his face, before turning back around and continuing his search. Dorsett chuckled. "Well, you did reroute a bunch of wire to power that 'experiment' of yours ah' little 'while ago." Ladon turned around again, pointing an accusatory finger at Dorsett as his smile broadened. "You were saying that if I could get out a faster charge on the supercapacitor you'd give me raise. How am I to know you didn't mean that fast?" He said. They both shared a quick laugh, Ladon returning to his search once again. He seemed to be getting frustrated as the minutes passed and he still hadn't found a fuse. "Check the, uh-... the drawer, there..." said Dorsett, looking up from the headset and gesturing to Ladon's left. "... no, the one below that one." Ladon open the drawer and exclaimed, "спасибо чертовски бог! No more having to play cards in the dark, huh?" He laughed, grabbing the fuse and flipping it around in his hand. Dorsett laughed with him, looking back down to his headset and removing the battery plate. He glanced at Ladon again as he worked. "So, uh-... you an' Margeret, how's that going?" Ladon's smile melted away, replaced by an irritated frown. "You know, she is telling me she is wanting 'space', yeah? Space! Onboard лодка, submarine, and you want space! Bah!" He waved his arms in frustration, shaking his head. "Well give the lady what she wants, she'll come 'round eventually." Dorsett said through a smile, swapping the old battery with the new. He slipped the old one into one of the lockers as he stood up and keyed his radio. It flickered to life, and he placed it back on his head. "She is good woman, you know. Just so... uh-... how you say, 'hard-headed' auh? Stubborn like ass. Still won't get off my back about those women at Kaloskov Station, man! They approach me, how I say no? You talk to her, okay? Tell her I am not the bad guy!" Ladon said, jostling at Dorsett's arm as he begged for his assistance. "Alright, alrigh- c'mon, get off ah' me... I'll talk to her, christ. Jus' give her some 'space' in the meantime, alright? Last thing I need is Margeret on my ass too." Dorsett responded, pulling away from Ladon's grasping hands as he smirked. Ladon nodded vigorously and fiddled with the fuse while Dorsett turned away, took a few steps, and keyed his headset. "🇨🇭🇪🇨🇰. 🇨🇭🇪🇨🇰. 🇸🇴🇷🇷🇾, 🇭🇪🇦🇩🇸🇪🇹 🇩🇮🇪🇩 🇴🇳 🇲🇪. 🇼🇪 🇦🇧🇴🇺🇹 🇷🇪🇦🇩🇾 🇹🇴 🇸🇪🇹 🇴🇫🇫 🇱🇪🇴?" Spoke Dorsett, again followed by a few moments of silence. "🇺🇭-... 🇷🇴🇬-.. 🇨🇦🇵🇹🇦🇮-. 🇱🇴🇦🇩🇮-🇳🇬 🇹🇭🇪 🇱🇦-🇹 🇴🇫 🇹🇭🇪 🇨🇷🇦-🇹🇪-... -🇴🇼. 🇾🇴🇺 🇨-🇳 🇸🇹🇦-🇷🇹 🇸🇵🇮🇳-🇳🇮🇳🇬 🇭🇪🇷 -🇵." Came the reply, still a garbled mess and barely discernable. Dorsett sighed, turning back to Ladon. "Can you take a look at the communications system when you get done fuckin' around in here? Transmissions are comin' in a little messy recently." He inquired, a little more venom in his tone than he'd meant. Ladon turned, a frown drawing across his face, and nodded his head, "Uh-... yes, yes I will take a look at that. Probably just local interference from the station." He replied, before moving past Dorsett and setting off for the crew quarters without so much as a goodbye. Dorsett shook his head, regretting having taken out his frustration on his friend like that. He lingered for a few seconds before taking his leave from the storage room, through the airlocks and again past Eli, still methodically organizing various first aid equipment in the medical suite, before arriving back at the command deck. He sat back down in his chair, once more eyeballing the stack of paperwork with contempt, using his foot to push the stack further under the console and out of view. A few of the other crew members brushed past him and his command seat, tending to their duties in preparation to undock, Dorsett taking in the scene for a moment. Coil gun ammunition was being fed in belts to the loader, gun crews polishing the periscopes and running the weapons through the usual test procedures. Two assistants were arguing over who had a more efficient route to the next station. New hires, thought Dorsett, not recognizing them immediately. Chance was setting the last railgun round into the feeder, glancing back at Dorsett every so often with his usual scowl. Ballast pumps were operating nominally according to the monitor in front of Dorsett, and he took the opportunity to run a quick check through all of the vessel's sub-systems, all of which reported green. Satisfied, Dorsett checked the onboard surveillance just in time to see Leopold Bower and Margeret Silvia board the ship with the last of the crates. He keyed the intercom. "𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐥 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝. 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐧 sixty 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬."**** Dorsett nodded to the Helmsman, another new hire, who began to detach the Wretch from the station and fill the Ballasts. As if on queue, the submarine rumbled to life, reactor power coursing through the vessel's wired veins. As he always did, Dorsett sucked in a breath and said a quick prayer to whatever god was listening. He counted off the seconds in his head, placing a hand on the detach lever as he did so. As he pulled the lever and the submarine groaned free of the docking port, plunging down deeper into the water below, Dorsett muttered the same words he'd heard Captain Reyes speak before countless dives. "Into the Drink." |
2024.05.15 11:32 hahastopthinking (Ladies) Office shoes
Genuinely curious if it is a must for ladies to wear heels to work and if you don't, does it reflect badly on you?
My mom likes to follow me to buy shoes but she keeps criticising me when I want to buy flats instead as they tend to be more comfortable and less painful for my leg.
Personally, I feel that working flats exist for a reason but my mom is adamant about wearing heels. She said that if you want to climb the corporate ladder, you've to wear heels.
I told her it hurts and I kept getting all kinds of blisters and pain every time I wear heels but was told that's working life, grow up.
I did buy heels in the end under her pressure but the 1st day I wore it, my skin peeled off completely and I got 5 blisters on both the front of my feet and at the back. (I have wide feet so I couldn't find the perfect size, it's always either loose at the back and tight at the front, or just tight entirely).
So, I'm just really wondering is it THAT bad to NOT wear heels? Do I look like I'm not respecting my job if I wore flats instead? (I'm not even talking about loafers but flats that basically has the same design as the heels).
*Edit: Thank you all for so the comments and advices 😭 I feel so much more assured that I'll be fine even without heels ty 🙏🫶
submitted by hahastopthinking to askSingapore [link] [comments]
My mom likes to follow me to buy shoes but she keeps criticising me when I want to buy flats instead as they tend to be more comfortable and less painful for my leg.
Personally, I feel that working flats exist for a reason but my mom is adamant about wearing heels. She said that if you want to climb the corporate ladder, you've to wear heels.
I told her it hurts and I kept getting all kinds of blisters and pain every time I wear heels but was told that's working life, grow up.
I did buy heels in the end under her pressure but the 1st day I wore it, my skin peeled off completely and I got 5 blisters on both the front of my feet and at the back. (I have wide feet so I couldn't find the perfect size, it's always either loose at the back and tight at the front, or just tight entirely).
So, I'm just really wondering is it THAT bad to NOT wear heels? Do I look like I'm not respecting my job if I wore flats instead? (I'm not even talking about loafers but flats that basically has the same design as the heels).
*Edit: Thank you all for so the comments and advices 😭 I feel so much more assured that I'll be fine even without heels ty 🙏🫶
2024.05.15 11:30 BeltEither9204 Extreme fear of my ex-friend and the need to expose her
I (F27) have this great great fear of my ex-friend/schoolmate (F27) who was emotionally abusive for more than 13 years. She made me believe I am unlovable and that any good thing that happens to me she will take away. She literally said once that all men love her and no one will ever love me because they will always choose her over me. She hides her bad attitude very, very well to the point where people thought I was crazy when explaining some of her behaviour. I finally cut contact after she called me a day after my dad (M65) unexpectedly passed away to express her condolences but also to tell me she got married, where and how, stuff about her husband, etc. Because she lives nearby and people know and like her, I am afraid she will come after me whenever something good happens. I isolated myself and don't hang out with people in my area. I don't want her to turn them against me like she always did and people always believed her. I never bullied or insulted anyone, I have always been very shy and kept to myself but she managed to always portray me as a bad person and it hurt me very much that people believed her. I've never had a boyfriend because I have low confidence and because I fear that if I one day have a partner she will turn him against me. At this point, I cannot even imagine being with someone who knows or likes her. I feel this need to be believed and for my potential partner and people around me to see the true version of her. I know it's pathetic ... but I can't help it. I have been in therapy for over a year now and still no progress on this. She has a husband, a great job and a newborn now and I find myself feeling very jealous and bitter. And I know that people have changed but she has shown to be just as manipulative at 27 as she was at a younger age. If anything, someone who has a masters degree in social work and pedagogy surely knows better than to use a tragedy to brag about herself ... to me that is just pure evil.
TL;DR: Afraid that my manipulative ex-friend will come and ruin my life because she did that every chance she got in the past. She has everything and I am so lonely and scared. I feel the need to expose her so that I can life my life and stop being afraid of people believing her fake good girl persona.
submitted by BeltEither9204 to relationships [link] [comments]
TL;DR: Afraid that my manipulative ex-friend will come and ruin my life because she did that every chance she got in the past. She has everything and I am so lonely and scared. I feel the need to expose her so that I can life my life and stop being afraid of people believing her fake good girl persona.
2024.05.15 11:29 requiem4seraphim AITA for not trying hard enough to bond with my Ex-bestfriend/Sister in Law?
I (27F) met my ex-bestfriend (26) when we both worked at Panera bread 8 years ago. We bonded over music and spirituality and were inseparable. After 7 years of getting to know her, I fully trusted her intentions were always pure towards me and that I could confide in her.
We started to have small arguments here and there. It seemed like every time I tried to communicate where I felt hurt/wronged by her, she would take it as an attack. I always came to her from a place of love wanting to resolve conflict and her way of handling it was to deflect/defend herself, ignore me for a week and then come back and pretend it never happened. This put a strain in our relationship and made me feel like I couldn't be close to her, and I began to isolate myself. She took my lack of effort as me not being a good friend to her.
I did my best to be there for her when she needed me the most. I TRIED my best despite struggling with mental illness and traumatic life events. I relied on her a lot when I was at my lowest points in those 7 years. When I went through a DV situation and an unwanted abortion followed by a chaotic breakup. Instead of supporting me, she criticized me and tried to guilt me about my choices and minimized my pain. I had so much to heal within myself, and I had lessons I wasn't ready to learn, and I started to notice she would become highly critical of my decisions. It only began to hurt when I overheard her complaints over the phone about me to my ex and saw text exchanges to my other close friend in a cold/calloused manner, criticizing my desires to no longer be alive when I was going through a crisis. I let it go and stayed friends.
Her brother showed interest in me, and we began dating. Even though I wasn't ready for a relationship, I became quite infatuated and attatched to him (not healthy). We both cared about each other deeply but had a lot to grow and heal from. I soon became aware that he was using illegal substances beyond pot. His drug abuse got bad, and he began to have auditory and visual drug induced hallucinations. He began accusing me of nonsense, and I resorted to maladaptive coping mechanisms, and I lied to him about it (wrong on my part). This caused him to distrust me even more and retaliate against me and gave her fuel to let out all her pent-up resentment towards me. She didn't know how bad her brother's drug abuse was getting. She saw this opportunity to turn on me and start a smear campaign. She stopped talking to me and began talking about me to friends and family and even reached out to my ex, spreading defamatory lies based on her biased assumptions and her brothers drug induced delusions. She referred to me as cancer, and she was happy to be rid of me and kept feeding her brother's drug induced paranoia of me. It took me a year and a half of the emotional abuse Rollercoaster to go no contact with him to begin healing. I learned powerful life lessons about loving myself, the power of honesty, and learning how to be alone (no romantic relationship).
Fast Forward, he reached out a few months later, and he finally got sober. His family got involved after an incident that landed him in the hospital, and his drug induced schizophrenia was finally exposed to everyone. I gave him a final opportunity, and before you know it, we got married and have a baby on the way, and he has remained clean. Since she is forced to be in my life as my sister in law and the aunt of my unborn child, she did a complete 180° and asked through her brother if we could be friends again. I said sure to be on good terms with her. She NEVER apologized for the smear campaign she ran. She has been extremely nice, overtly generous, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. She is trying so hard to be my best friend again, and it breaks my heart because I don't feel like that is ever possible if she refuses to take accountability for the past. I can't forget she went out of her way to cause me harm when I didn't deserve it and doesn't acknowledge it. AITA for not wanting to be close friends with them again?
submitted by requiem4seraphim to AITAH [link] [comments]
We started to have small arguments here and there. It seemed like every time I tried to communicate where I felt hurt/wronged by her, she would take it as an attack. I always came to her from a place of love wanting to resolve conflict and her way of handling it was to deflect/defend herself, ignore me for a week and then come back and pretend it never happened. This put a strain in our relationship and made me feel like I couldn't be close to her, and I began to isolate myself. She took my lack of effort as me not being a good friend to her.
I did my best to be there for her when she needed me the most. I TRIED my best despite struggling with mental illness and traumatic life events. I relied on her a lot when I was at my lowest points in those 7 years. When I went through a DV situation and an unwanted abortion followed by a chaotic breakup. Instead of supporting me, she criticized me and tried to guilt me about my choices and minimized my pain. I had so much to heal within myself, and I had lessons I wasn't ready to learn, and I started to notice she would become highly critical of my decisions. It only began to hurt when I overheard her complaints over the phone about me to my ex and saw text exchanges to my other close friend in a cold/calloused manner, criticizing my desires to no longer be alive when I was going through a crisis. I let it go and stayed friends.
Her brother showed interest in me, and we began dating. Even though I wasn't ready for a relationship, I became quite infatuated and attatched to him (not healthy). We both cared about each other deeply but had a lot to grow and heal from. I soon became aware that he was using illegal substances beyond pot. His drug abuse got bad, and he began to have auditory and visual drug induced hallucinations. He began accusing me of nonsense, and I resorted to maladaptive coping mechanisms, and I lied to him about it (wrong on my part). This caused him to distrust me even more and retaliate against me and gave her fuel to let out all her pent-up resentment towards me. She didn't know how bad her brother's drug abuse was getting. She saw this opportunity to turn on me and start a smear campaign. She stopped talking to me and began talking about me to friends and family and even reached out to my ex, spreading defamatory lies based on her biased assumptions and her brothers drug induced delusions. She referred to me as cancer, and she was happy to be rid of me and kept feeding her brother's drug induced paranoia of me. It took me a year and a half of the emotional abuse Rollercoaster to go no contact with him to begin healing. I learned powerful life lessons about loving myself, the power of honesty, and learning how to be alone (no romantic relationship).
Fast Forward, he reached out a few months later, and he finally got sober. His family got involved after an incident that landed him in the hospital, and his drug induced schizophrenia was finally exposed to everyone. I gave him a final opportunity, and before you know it, we got married and have a baby on the way, and he has remained clean. Since she is forced to be in my life as my sister in law and the aunt of my unborn child, she did a complete 180° and asked through her brother if we could be friends again. I said sure to be on good terms with her. She NEVER apologized for the smear campaign she ran. She has been extremely nice, overtly generous, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. She is trying so hard to be my best friend again, and it breaks my heart because I don't feel like that is ever possible if she refuses to take accountability for the past. I can't forget she went out of her way to cause me harm when I didn't deserve it and doesn't acknowledge it. AITA for not wanting to be close friends with them again?
2024.05.15 11:29 trying_my_best- Any advice is appreciated
I apologize this is a bit long I just desperately need to rant and need advice on what to do next about my pain. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in my teens.
Bottom line I’m in so so much pain. Crying myself to sleep kind of pain gasping when I move kind of pain. I was diagnosed in my teens and am currently in my 20s in college. I’ve spent more than 1/4 of my life sick and looking for treatment. I never got to experience adult freedom without being held back by pain.
I’m just wondering if all you kind people have any advice of where to go from here. Back to pain management to physical therapy to massage therapy?
For a little context I stopped seeing western medicine doctors about a year ago after being told by a pain management specialist that there was “no other medication or procedures we can try”. It hurt so so bad to hear that. To hear I just get to have a lifetime of pain. When I was a teenager I got very sick doctors didn’t believe me because what does a teenage girl know about her own health. I almost died while still being expected to go to high school.
I moved past that and worked so hard to make myself better. It doesn’t matter it hasn’t worked. I’m in college now studying a STEM major with plans for a masters and maybe PhD. I often feel like my career is sidelined by my pain and I’m terrified I will be fired constantly for not coming to work because of pain. I want to work I want to be normal I want to participate and be social and it feels like I am always one step behind my peers, often literally.
My degree requires lots of outdoor education, probably one of the worst majors I could have chosen for having chronic pain hahaha. But I love it and feel like it’s my calling.
Currently I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I don’t know wether to continue like I am now and just say screw it I’m going to be in pain or start the endless cycle of disappointment and medical gaslighting I’ve been subjected to for more than have a decade.
I have diagnosed CPTSD from severe childhood trauma and medical trauma so starting to see doctors again is a little terrifying for me. I’ve had some doctors say some really really horrible things and act in horrible ways. As a minor I was told that because I was fat no neurologist would ever believe me and I would never get treatment but that I was still pretty. (Yes a doctor actually said that) I was also physically violated by a doctor who deemed it necessary to do a “full” examination of me including under my pants while I begged for her to stop. It was so traumatic and I genuinely am not sure if it was sexual assault due to the amount of times I said no and the places she touched. I don’t know if this is normal or not, it occurred over a decade ago. Since then I’ve had doctors gaslight me, not care about me, medical offices who don’t respond because their elderly patients are much more important than me. People regularly telling me I’m too young to be in this much pain, yeah I wish.
As a conclusion (despite’s this post) I am a very optimistic person generally. I am happy in life and have a great support system and a very kind partner. I’m proud of myself and I’ve worked so so hard to get from where I was as a teenager to where I am now. I went through severe childhood abuse that caused me to have depression, anxiety, and CPTSD as stated earlier. Ive done my best to make my life have as much meaning and kindness in it as I can. But I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to die just for the pain to end. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.
Thank you for reading to the end. Please feel free to share and advice or stories of your own. ❤️
submitted by trying_my_best- to ChronicPain [link] [comments]
Bottom line I’m in so so much pain. Crying myself to sleep kind of pain gasping when I move kind of pain. I was diagnosed in my teens and am currently in my 20s in college. I’ve spent more than 1/4 of my life sick and looking for treatment. I never got to experience adult freedom without being held back by pain.
I’m just wondering if all you kind people have any advice of where to go from here. Back to pain management to physical therapy to massage therapy?
For a little context I stopped seeing western medicine doctors about a year ago after being told by a pain management specialist that there was “no other medication or procedures we can try”. It hurt so so bad to hear that. To hear I just get to have a lifetime of pain. When I was a teenager I got very sick doctors didn’t believe me because what does a teenage girl know about her own health. I almost died while still being expected to go to high school.
I moved past that and worked so hard to make myself better. It doesn’t matter it hasn’t worked. I’m in college now studying a STEM major with plans for a masters and maybe PhD. I often feel like my career is sidelined by my pain and I’m terrified I will be fired constantly for not coming to work because of pain. I want to work I want to be normal I want to participate and be social and it feels like I am always one step behind my peers, often literally.
My degree requires lots of outdoor education, probably one of the worst majors I could have chosen for having chronic pain hahaha. But I love it and feel like it’s my calling.
Currently I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I don’t know wether to continue like I am now and just say screw it I’m going to be in pain or start the endless cycle of disappointment and medical gaslighting I’ve been subjected to for more than have a decade.
I have diagnosed CPTSD from severe childhood trauma and medical trauma so starting to see doctors again is a little terrifying for me. I’ve had some doctors say some really really horrible things and act in horrible ways. As a minor I was told that because I was fat no neurologist would ever believe me and I would never get treatment but that I was still pretty. (Yes a doctor actually said that) I was also physically violated by a doctor who deemed it necessary to do a “full” examination of me including under my pants while I begged for her to stop. It was so traumatic and I genuinely am not sure if it was sexual assault due to the amount of times I said no and the places she touched. I don’t know if this is normal or not, it occurred over a decade ago. Since then I’ve had doctors gaslight me, not care about me, medical offices who don’t respond because their elderly patients are much more important than me. People regularly telling me I’m too young to be in this much pain, yeah I wish.
As a conclusion (despite’s this post) I am a very optimistic person generally. I am happy in life and have a great support system and a very kind partner. I’m proud of myself and I’ve worked so so hard to get from where I was as a teenager to where I am now. I went through severe childhood abuse that caused me to have depression, anxiety, and CPTSD as stated earlier. Ive done my best to make my life have as much meaning and kindness in it as I can. But I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to die just for the pain to end. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.
Thank you for reading to the end. Please feel free to share and advice or stories of your own. ❤️
2024.05.15 11:27 -naked-all-the-time- Overthinking everything - anxiety or OCD?
[TW]: insects, SH
I woke up two days ago with two itchy bites on my ankle, and it's all been a whirlwind from there. I've pretty much convinced myself that I have bedbugs living in my bed, based on the following:
Like I said, I likely don't have bedbugs. The fear stems from a budget hotel my friend booked us in to two weeks ago, which wasn't the cleanest. But I did check the mattresses there, and they seemed to pass the test. My friend actually moved on to a second hotel after I went home that did have bed bugs, and he said it was immediately noticeable. I visited India last year, and when my friend jokingly talked about bringing bedbugs home on the return flight (we didn't encounter any) the thought played on my mind for a couple weeks, but this time is more intense.
The only reprieve I get from worrying about them is when I'm distracted, like at work. I did a pretty intense yoga session yesterday and didn't think about it once, but as soon as we brought the session to a close with a meditation, they were back all over my mind.
I also know that, worse case scenario, if I did have them, I'd have to call an exterminator and be out €2000, which would be utterly shit but wouldn't kill me. It's not like the bugs can kill me or even hurt me either. I thought about calling an inspector, but I don't want to spend all that money (and probably anger my landlord) just for reassurance.
I've always been an overthinker and have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. In the past year or two, though, I've noticed some more intrusive thoughts:
However, these thoughts don't normally take over my whole day - I can usually get away from them if I'm distracted, and most of the time they don't bother me unrelentingly, just mildly. Also, besides the unplugging of electronics and checking of locks - which I do not do universally - I don't really think I have any compulsions. These are things I would expect if I had diagnosable OCD, though I don't know much about the condition or the spectrum it exists within.
What are your thoughts? Does it sound like anxiety or OCD experience? I'm planning to go back to therapy next month if I can (it's hard to get appointments where I live, especially in my native language), but do you have any tips for dealing with such thoughts by myself too?
Many thanks for taking the time to read.
submitted by -naked-all-the-time- to Anxiety [link] [comments]
I woke up two days ago with two itchy bites on my ankle, and it's all been a whirlwind from there. I've pretty much convinced myself that I have bedbugs living in my bed, based on the following:
- The two bites I've described, plus some other skin irregularities/itchy patches (the latter may be imagined) I've noticed on my body.
- A blood patch I found on my bedsheets.
- Something I found on the floor, which I took to be a molted bed bug shell.
- After discovering the bites, I found a mosquito in my room. Though the bites don't look like other mosquito bites I get and were somewhere that I assumed was covered by bedding while I slept. But it's still probably the mosquito, and if not, I did sit the night before in my friend's car, who recently got a dog. It's possible they could be flea bites.
- The blood patch looked fairly old, and by Googling it seems bed bug blood patches would be smaller and darker. It's also possible either my girlfriend or I had a spot/pimple that bled in our sleep - we both have some on our back.
- That "shell" I found was the same colour as a bed bug, but apparently their molted shells are translucent, and this one lacked any "bug parts" (antennae, legs) and had a different texture than I would expect. Could just as easily have been a seed from a bread loaf.
Like I said, I likely don't have bedbugs. The fear stems from a budget hotel my friend booked us in to two weeks ago, which wasn't the cleanest. But I did check the mattresses there, and they seemed to pass the test. My friend actually moved on to a second hotel after I went home that did have bed bugs, and he said it was immediately noticeable. I visited India last year, and when my friend jokingly talked about bringing bedbugs home on the return flight (we didn't encounter any) the thought played on my mind for a couple weeks, but this time is more intense.
The only reprieve I get from worrying about them is when I'm distracted, like at work. I did a pretty intense yoga session yesterday and didn't think about it once, but as soon as we brought the session to a close with a meditation, they were back all over my mind.
I also know that, worse case scenario, if I did have them, I'd have to call an exterminator and be out €2000, which would be utterly shit but wouldn't kill me. It's not like the bugs can kill me or even hurt me either. I thought about calling an inspector, but I don't want to spend all that money (and probably anger my landlord) just for reassurance.
I've always been an overthinker and have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. In the past year or two, though, I've noticed some more intrusive thoughts:
- My ex and I had a place last year and she had a cat. One day when I was leaving for work I didn't pull the door all the way closed. My ex noticed and chewed me out (another story) because it was an indoor cat. But for months afterwards this led me to coming back to the house after leaving for work (sometimes already after walking 10 minutes), coming home early, or staying home completely. At this time I also had a depressive period and my work suffered for a few months as a result.
- After my breakup when I moved into my new place, I put a hanging plant attachment into the roof and couldn't shake the feeling I'd hit a gas line, even after my Dad (a tradesman) told me they were unlikely to be in that part of the ceiling. I left on a work trip abroad the same day and for the first day away all I thought about was returning to a blown-up apartment. I had a similar feeling when my fridge gas pipe ruptured - I thought I was gonna die in my sleep and ventilated my flat for days.
- I'm terrified of fire, always have been, but lately I've been unplugging things every time I leave my office because I'm afraid I'll burn the whole place down. I recently quit smoking with the help of an e-cigarette, but for the first week or two I had it I was often terrified it would explode in my pocket.
- I had an unexplainable pain in my nether regions for a few months that took A LONG TIME to diagnose (turned out to be a muscle problem). But I was constantly anxious about testicular torsion and I wondered why doctors/urologists didn't care. At one point I remember telling myself "I think you want testicular torsion just so you know you're right."
- When I leave my house I check my balcony door is locked and that the stove is turned off, usually only once, maybe twice. Regarding unplugging things in work, I've once sent my colleague to check something in my office after I left, under false pretenses, in the hope that if something bad had happened (a fire) they would notice and catch it in time.
- I have - very, very rarely, probably less than 5 times in my life - been consumed momentarily by thoughts of self-harm. Mostly it's fleeting like the intrusive thought I guess everyone gets occasionally, just pushing your brain to consider the worst. However, twice - once after trying SSRIs for my depressive episode and again at random more recently - I had thoughts of slitting my wrists that scared the fuck out of me and sat with me for a good few hours.
However, these thoughts don't normally take over my whole day - I can usually get away from them if I'm distracted, and most of the time they don't bother me unrelentingly, just mildly. Also, besides the unplugging of electronics and checking of locks - which I do not do universally - I don't really think I have any compulsions. These are things I would expect if I had diagnosable OCD, though I don't know much about the condition or the spectrum it exists within.
What are your thoughts? Does it sound like anxiety or OCD experience? I'm planning to go back to therapy next month if I can (it's hard to get appointments where I live, especially in my native language), but do you have any tips for dealing with such thoughts by myself too?
Many thanks for taking the time to read.
2024.05.15 11:24 Mayo6_B I need advice on a friendship.
I'm putting fake names... (A lot of the timelines are spread out but they talk about those specific moments, I hope they make since)
I have a friend, I'll call her J. I have known J for almost 9 years. She and I grew up pretty close and we were inseparable. Over the first few years of our friendship she had lost my parents trust from an incident involving a boy, she wasn't allowed to stay over for sleepovers and I practically lost my whole summer that year. I was pretty angry at my parents and blamed things on them. I regret my actions and I did learn but in my mind I thought J was the only person who understood me.
After the whole incident settled down. School started up again and she would jokingly push me into a boy or a locker. She started putting her arm around my neck, trying to choke me. She would continuously punch me or smack me on the head. I honestly got annoyed by it but I acted like it was nothing. She had suddenly became obsessed with TikTok and she posted a whole TikTok about her friends, their was a video of me that stood out. I wasn't wearing a shirt. Which completely made me uncomfortable because I wasn't wearing a shirt and she took the video while I was changing. She didn't take it down. She also would post photos without my consent. Like ones that made me feel ugly or disgusting. And I would tell her how they made me feel. But she would still post them. I started telling her no when she asked for photos and she always would sneak one when I wasn't looking. She doesn't take no for an answer. She will start whining when you don't listen. I used to trust her with my feelings and I would tell her about everything. And now I feel like she knows too much.
This past school year all of my friends (king, J, Joe, Bell) and I went to SDYC. And well when we went J was lying a bunch and starting a bunch of drama and it threw all of my friends off. We all didn't trust J and Joe that well during that time. I felt like the only people I had was my friends King and Bell. Because they both understood how I felt.
After that. King, J, and I had a sleepover. During the middle of the night I was watching a movie and J began to bug me. She started pushing on me saying I was taking up too much room. But honestly I was the one who was sleeping in between two couches there's no way I was taking that much space because I was falling in the crack. She then proceeded to call me a fat roll. I said "no your a fat roll" jokingly. And then she freaks out and she went to tell her boyfriend. It annoyed me because all her boyfriend knows how to do is talk bad. After that sleepover. She started working at the same place as me and I told her about my big crush on this coworker of ours. And so then she decided to start flirting with him in front of me. She would throw something at him jokingly and giggle. I didn't try to think anything of it. But then when we were talking about him the next thing she decided to say was, "your just jealous because he talks to me and not you". The thing is I don't want to talk to him that's why I don't try to talk to him. He has talked to me before, but I rather admire him from afar. He's like 13 years older than me. He was just hot to me at the time.
I'll just say I am lighter than a 5'6 girl. I might have a little bit of belly fat but that's just my body. And I do have an eating disorder. I don't eat enough, I practically starve myself. J honestly made me feel worse and I started having moments where I would basically pass out from no iron in my body. J continued to body shame me even from the amount of food I would eat. She straight up made is feel like she was calling me ugly and fat. It hurt and it made me angry. I told my dad and he said she's just jealous and not to worry about it. I brushed it off but she basically would say something everyday. It got to a point where I was crying all the time.
During my last year of highschool J didn't have a vehicle. So she would ask me to drive her places. I didn't mind because we would be going to the same places. And I started offering to pay for her drink or something. I didn't think much of it in tell I was always taking her places and buying her drinks but she still wanted me to pay her back for stuff when I didn't have much money. She managed to buy a vehicle for a small price by saving up the money she didn't spend. I feel stupid for offering. One day her mom even texted me asking for the small money I "owed" J. But my parents think I don't owe her anything because I have given her most of my money and that she owes me money.
J also does this thing where if you don't give her your attention she'll keep tapping you. Over and over again. Everytime she asks for my attention it's always for something so pointless and stupid. Nothing serious. And everytime I ask for her attention she'll ignore me. She does it a lot. She only wants to have the attention. I stopped telling her about how I feel because all I know is she'll either use it against me or not actually listen and move past it. Like once she asked me how I felt and when I told her that I cried about something she moved on from it into her talking about her crying over some movie she watched.
The way she treated me made me so angry that I texted her boyfriend anonymously asking him to control his girlfriend and get her to be nicer to others. He didn't like the message and told his girl on the spot and J tried to call my fake number. I didn't answer and then she ran to me to tell me the tea. She later assumed it was a boy she was flirting with that she pushed away.
I hate her boyfriend but he deserves better.. because she has talked to another boy behind his back. When I started liking this one boy. I told her about it and then she began to tell me how she met this UK boy and she thinks he's all that. She later found out he was lying about his age and she got back to reality before she lost her in person boyfriend.
She told king I was flirting with this one dude but I wasn't. J told me to add this guy she found on Facebook on snap, I said okay and I called the dude a nickname like a Grandma would call their grandchildren. And I thought it was funny and the guy thought it was chill. I didn't think anything of it and then I blocked him because I didn't want to talk to him. She then decided to add the guy on snap. And she starts talking to him. The amount of times she has lied is crazy. I blocked him but she still has him on snap. For what reason I don't know.
J and Joe and I have recently had a lot of problems with each other. It's always J and Joe fighting and I'm between listening to them both argue about each other. I was getting tired of it. J hit my breaking point when she decided to ask me for my boyfriends sisters snap. You don't just ask your friend for her boyfriends sisters snap. That's weird. She also asked for my boyfriends and she looked him up when I told her no and she added a bunch of dudes with the same name. She didn't find him but there is no way I want her knowing him or his sister. I have too many trust issues with her. She's the main reason why a lot of my relationships didn't work out. They didn't like her and she manipulated me into saying things that upset them. She makes me so uncomfortable. She made me seem lesbian once when I know I'm not. But she made a TikTok about it and a lot of people from my school saw it. I don't like false accusations. I'm pretty sure she used it for clout. But also my parents think she's inlove with me because she can never leave me alone and she always HAS to hold hands or hug.
J doesn't understand a lot of things. And she calls me stupid. I honestly want karma to come get her but that's bad and I don't mean to say that. It hurts a lot.
I had blocked J on everything. But since I worked with J I saw her and she started bawling her eyes out at me saying she did nothing, I felt bad but I was annoyed because she kept bugging me. So I unblocked her. I decided to block her again after because my boyfriend said she was manipulating me. And well the more I had her blocked the nicer she was. After a while Joe did something to make me give up on my friendship with her too and J expected that to be a chance to get me back. And well she did practically. She was a lot nicer and I felt like she changed. But Man was I wrong.. Just today I was working my second night shift. I said something as a joke because I was hoping J would get what I meant. Her boyfriend was on the call... He took everything out of context and said something that made me feel less about myself. I already feel like crap being the person I am. I want to better myself but the more people say things the more I give up. I want to be encouraged not dragged down. I don't know why he has to be so mean. I never did anything to him. I don't know why they both have to be... I listen to her call people ugly all the time. Like just stop. I want her to stop. I'm leaving for the military soon, and she said that I can't get rid of her. That sounds psycho. And it honestly makes me want to get away more. I'm tired of the toxic environment and I want to get away. But she's everywhere. She knows everything about me. She has photos of me I hate. She has so many things she can use against me. I'm honestly scared. I want to block her again but I know she's just going to keep bugging me about it. And she might turn people against me. She's good at talking to people. I'm not I'm an introvert. I don't want her ever find me again once I leave. But I know she might try. People always find a way. And she's creepy. Because I know she'll be able to. But I just want to move on with my life. I don't know how to remove her from my life. What should I do?
submitted by Mayo6_B to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
I have a friend, I'll call her J. I have known J for almost 9 years. She and I grew up pretty close and we were inseparable. Over the first few years of our friendship she had lost my parents trust from an incident involving a boy, she wasn't allowed to stay over for sleepovers and I practically lost my whole summer that year. I was pretty angry at my parents and blamed things on them. I regret my actions and I did learn but in my mind I thought J was the only person who understood me.
After the whole incident settled down. School started up again and she would jokingly push me into a boy or a locker. She started putting her arm around my neck, trying to choke me. She would continuously punch me or smack me on the head. I honestly got annoyed by it but I acted like it was nothing. She had suddenly became obsessed with TikTok and she posted a whole TikTok about her friends, their was a video of me that stood out. I wasn't wearing a shirt. Which completely made me uncomfortable because I wasn't wearing a shirt and she took the video while I was changing. She didn't take it down. She also would post photos without my consent. Like ones that made me feel ugly or disgusting. And I would tell her how they made me feel. But she would still post them. I started telling her no when she asked for photos and she always would sneak one when I wasn't looking. She doesn't take no for an answer. She will start whining when you don't listen. I used to trust her with my feelings and I would tell her about everything. And now I feel like she knows too much.
This past school year all of my friends (king, J, Joe, Bell) and I went to SDYC. And well when we went J was lying a bunch and starting a bunch of drama and it threw all of my friends off. We all didn't trust J and Joe that well during that time. I felt like the only people I had was my friends King and Bell. Because they both understood how I felt.
After that. King, J, and I had a sleepover. During the middle of the night I was watching a movie and J began to bug me. She started pushing on me saying I was taking up too much room. But honestly I was the one who was sleeping in between two couches there's no way I was taking that much space because I was falling in the crack. She then proceeded to call me a fat roll. I said "no your a fat roll" jokingly. And then she freaks out and she went to tell her boyfriend. It annoyed me because all her boyfriend knows how to do is talk bad. After that sleepover. She started working at the same place as me and I told her about my big crush on this coworker of ours. And so then she decided to start flirting with him in front of me. She would throw something at him jokingly and giggle. I didn't try to think anything of it. But then when we were talking about him the next thing she decided to say was, "your just jealous because he talks to me and not you". The thing is I don't want to talk to him that's why I don't try to talk to him. He has talked to me before, but I rather admire him from afar. He's like 13 years older than me. He was just hot to me at the time.
I'll just say I am lighter than a 5'6 girl. I might have a little bit of belly fat but that's just my body. And I do have an eating disorder. I don't eat enough, I practically starve myself. J honestly made me feel worse and I started having moments where I would basically pass out from no iron in my body. J continued to body shame me even from the amount of food I would eat. She straight up made is feel like she was calling me ugly and fat. It hurt and it made me angry. I told my dad and he said she's just jealous and not to worry about it. I brushed it off but she basically would say something everyday. It got to a point where I was crying all the time.
During my last year of highschool J didn't have a vehicle. So she would ask me to drive her places. I didn't mind because we would be going to the same places. And I started offering to pay for her drink or something. I didn't think much of it in tell I was always taking her places and buying her drinks but she still wanted me to pay her back for stuff when I didn't have much money. She managed to buy a vehicle for a small price by saving up the money she didn't spend. I feel stupid for offering. One day her mom even texted me asking for the small money I "owed" J. But my parents think I don't owe her anything because I have given her most of my money and that she owes me money.
J also does this thing where if you don't give her your attention she'll keep tapping you. Over and over again. Everytime she asks for my attention it's always for something so pointless and stupid. Nothing serious. And everytime I ask for her attention she'll ignore me. She does it a lot. She only wants to have the attention. I stopped telling her about how I feel because all I know is she'll either use it against me or not actually listen and move past it. Like once she asked me how I felt and when I told her that I cried about something she moved on from it into her talking about her crying over some movie she watched.
The way she treated me made me so angry that I texted her boyfriend anonymously asking him to control his girlfriend and get her to be nicer to others. He didn't like the message and told his girl on the spot and J tried to call my fake number. I didn't answer and then she ran to me to tell me the tea. She later assumed it was a boy she was flirting with that she pushed away.
I hate her boyfriend but he deserves better.. because she has talked to another boy behind his back. When I started liking this one boy. I told her about it and then she began to tell me how she met this UK boy and she thinks he's all that. She later found out he was lying about his age and she got back to reality before she lost her in person boyfriend.
She told king I was flirting with this one dude but I wasn't. J told me to add this guy she found on Facebook on snap, I said okay and I called the dude a nickname like a Grandma would call their grandchildren. And I thought it was funny and the guy thought it was chill. I didn't think anything of it and then I blocked him because I didn't want to talk to him. She then decided to add the guy on snap. And she starts talking to him. The amount of times she has lied is crazy. I blocked him but she still has him on snap. For what reason I don't know.
J and Joe and I have recently had a lot of problems with each other. It's always J and Joe fighting and I'm between listening to them both argue about each other. I was getting tired of it. J hit my breaking point when she decided to ask me for my boyfriends sisters snap. You don't just ask your friend for her boyfriends sisters snap. That's weird. She also asked for my boyfriends and she looked him up when I told her no and she added a bunch of dudes with the same name. She didn't find him but there is no way I want her knowing him or his sister. I have too many trust issues with her. She's the main reason why a lot of my relationships didn't work out. They didn't like her and she manipulated me into saying things that upset them. She makes me so uncomfortable. She made me seem lesbian once when I know I'm not. But she made a TikTok about it and a lot of people from my school saw it. I don't like false accusations. I'm pretty sure she used it for clout. But also my parents think she's inlove with me because she can never leave me alone and she always HAS to hold hands or hug.
J doesn't understand a lot of things. And she calls me stupid. I honestly want karma to come get her but that's bad and I don't mean to say that. It hurts a lot.
I had blocked J on everything. But since I worked with J I saw her and she started bawling her eyes out at me saying she did nothing, I felt bad but I was annoyed because she kept bugging me. So I unblocked her. I decided to block her again after because my boyfriend said she was manipulating me. And well the more I had her blocked the nicer she was. After a while Joe did something to make me give up on my friendship with her too and J expected that to be a chance to get me back. And well she did practically. She was a lot nicer and I felt like she changed. But Man was I wrong.. Just today I was working my second night shift. I said something as a joke because I was hoping J would get what I meant. Her boyfriend was on the call... He took everything out of context and said something that made me feel less about myself. I already feel like crap being the person I am. I want to better myself but the more people say things the more I give up. I want to be encouraged not dragged down. I don't know why he has to be so mean. I never did anything to him. I don't know why they both have to be... I listen to her call people ugly all the time. Like just stop. I want her to stop. I'm leaving for the military soon, and she said that I can't get rid of her. That sounds psycho. And it honestly makes me want to get away more. I'm tired of the toxic environment and I want to get away. But she's everywhere. She knows everything about me. She has photos of me I hate. She has so many things she can use against me. I'm honestly scared. I want to block her again but I know she's just going to keep bugging me about it. And she might turn people against me. She's good at talking to people. I'm not I'm an introvert. I don't want her ever find me again once I leave. But I know she might try. People always find a way. And she's creepy. Because I know she'll be able to. But I just want to move on with my life. I don't know how to remove her from my life. What should I do?
2024.05.15 11:20 Mayo6_B I need help with a friendship.
I'm putting fake names... (A lot of the timelines are spread out but they talk about those specific moments, I hope they make since)
I have a friend, I'll call her J. I have known J for almost 9 years. She and I grew up pretty close and we were inseparable. Over the first few years of our friendship she had lost my parents trust from an incident involving a boy, she wasn't allowed to stay over for sleepovers and I practically lost my whole summer that year. I was pretty angry at my parents and blamed things on them. I regret my actions and I did learn but in my mind I thought J was the only person who understood me.
After the whole incident settled down. School started up again and she would jokingly push me into a boy or a locker. She started putting her arm around my neck, trying to choke me. She would continuously punch me or smack me on the head. I honestly got annoyed by it but I acted like it was nothing. She had suddenly became obsessed with TikTok and she posted a whole TikTok about her friends, their was a video of me that stood out. I wasn't wearing a shirt. Which completely made me uncomfortable because I wasn't wearing a shirt and she took the video while I was changing. She didn't take it down. She also would post photos without my consent. Like ones that made me feel ugly or disgusting. And I would tell her how they made me feel. But she would still post them. I started telling her no when she asked for photos and she always would sneak one when I wasn't looking. She doesn't take no for an answer. She will start whining when you don't listen. I used to trust her with my feelings and I would tell her about everything. And now I feel like she knows too much.
This past school year all of my friends (king, J, Joe, Bell) and I went to SDYC. And well when we went J was lying a bunch and starting a bunch of drama and it threw all of my friends off. We all didn't trust J and Joe that well during that time. I felt like the only people I had was my friends King and Bell. Because they both understood how I felt.
After that. King, J, and I had a sleepover. During the middle of the night I was watching a movie and J began to bug me. She started pushing on me saying I was taking up too much room. But honestly I was the one who was sleeping in between two couches there's no way I was taking that much space because I was falling in the crack. She then proceeded to call me a fat roll. I said "no your a fat roll" jokingly. And then she freaks out and she went to tell her boyfriend. It annoyed me because all her boyfriend knows how to do is talk bad. After that sleepover. She started working at the same place as me and I told her about my big crush on this coworker of ours. And so then she decided to start flirting with him in front of me. She would throw something at him jokingly and giggle. I didn't try to think anything of it. But then when we were talking about him the next thing she decided to say was, "your just jealous because he talks to me and not you". The thing is I don't want to talk to him that's why I don't try to talk to him. He has talked to me before, but I rather admire him from afar. He's like 13 years older than me. He was just hot to me at the time.
I'll just say I am lighter than a 5'6 girl. I might have a little bit of belly fat but that's just my body. And I do have an eating disorder. I don't eat enough, I practically starve myself. J honestly made me feel worse and I started having moments where I would basically pass out from no iron in my body. J continued to body shame me even from the amount of food I would eat. She straight up made is feel like she was calling me ugly and fat. It hurt and it made me angry. I told my dad and he said she's just jealous and not to worry about it. I brushed it off but she basically would say something everyday. It got to a point where I was crying all the time.
During my last year of highschool J didn't have a vehicle. So she would ask me to drive her places. I didn't mind because we would be going to the same places. And I started offering to pay for her drink or something. I didn't think much of it in tell I was always taking her places and buying her drinks but she still wanted me to pay her back for stuff when I didn't have much money. She managed to buy a vehicle for a small price by saving up the money she didn't spend. I feel stupid for offering. One day her mom even texted me asking for the small money I "owed" J. But my parents think I don't owe her anything because I have given her most of my money and that she owes me money.
J also does this thing where if you don't give her your attention she'll keep tapping you. Over and over again. Everytime she asks for my attention it's always for something so pointless and stupid. Nothing serious. And everytime I ask for her attention she'll ignore me. She does it a lot. She only wants to have the attention. I stopped telling her about how I feel because all I know is she'll either use it against me or not actually listen and move past it. Like once she asked me how I felt and when I told her that I cried about something she moved on from it into her talking about her crying over some movie she watched.
The way she treated me made me so angry that I texted her boyfriend anonymously asking him to control his girlfriend and get her to be nicer to others. He didn't like the message and told his girl on the spot and J tried to call my fake number. I didn't answer and then she ran to me to tell me the tea. She later assumed it was a boy she was flirting with that she pushed away.
I hate her boyfriend but he deserves better.. because she has talked to another boy behind his back. When I started liking this one boy. I told her about it and then she began to tell me how she met this UK boy and she thinks he's all that. She later found out he was lying about his age and she got back to reality before she lost her in person boyfriend.
She told king I was flirting with this one dude but I wasn't. J told me to add this guy she found on Facebook on snap, I said okay and I called the dude a nickname like a Grandma would call their grandchildren. And I thought it was funny and the guy thought it was chill. I didn't think anything of it and then I blocked him because I didn't want to talk to him. She then decided to add the guy on snap. And she starts talking to him. The amount of times she has lied is crazy. I blocked him but she still has him on snap. For what reason I don't know.
J and Joe and I have recently had a lot of problems with each other. It's always J and Joe fighting and I'm between listening to them both argue about each other. I was getting tired of it. J hit my breaking point when she decided to ask me for my boyfriends sisters snap. You don't just ask your friend for her boyfriends sisters snap. That's weird. She also asked for my boyfriends and she looked him up when I told her no and she added a bunch of dudes with the same name. She didn't find him but there is no way I want her knowing him or his sister. I have too many trust issues with her. She's the main reason why a lot of my relationships didn't work out. They didn't like her and she manipulated me into saying things that upset them. She makes me so uncomfortable. She made me seem lesbian once when I know I'm not. But she made a TikTok about it and a lot of people from my school saw it. I don't like false accusations. I'm pretty sure she used it for clout. But also my parents think she's inlove with me because she can never leave me alone and she always HAS to hold hands or hug.
J doesn't understand a lot of things. And she calls me stupid. I honestly want karma to come get her but that's bad and I don't mean to say that. It hurts a lot.
I had blocked J on everything. But since I worked with J I saw her and she started bawling her eyes out at me saying she did nothing, I felt bad but I was annoyed because she kept bugging me. So I unblocked her. I decided to block her again after because my boyfriend said she was manipulating me. And well the more I had her blocked the nicer she was. After a while Joe did something to make me give up on my friendship with her too and J expected that to be a chance to get me back. And well she did practically. She was a lot nicer and I felt like she changed. But Man was I wrong.. Just today I was working my second night shift. I said something as a joke because I was hoping J would get what I meant. Her boyfriend was on the call... He took everything out of context and said something that made me feel less about myself. I already feel like crap being the person I am. I want to better myself but the more people say things the more I give up. I want to be encouraged not dragged down. I don't know why he has to be so mean. I never did anything to him. I don't know why they both have to be... I listen to her call people ugly all the time. Like just stop. I want her to stop. I'm leaving for the military soon, and she said that I can't get rid of her. That sounds psycho. And it honestly makes me want to get away more. I'm tired of the toxic environment and I want to get away. But she's everywhere. She knows everything about me. She has photos of me I hate. She has so many things she can use against me. I'm honestly scared. I want to block her again but I know she's just going to keep bugging me about it. And she might turn people against me. She's good at talking to people. I'm not I'm an introvert. I don't want her ever find me again once I leave. But I know she might try. People always find a way. And she's creepy. Because I know she'll be able to. But I just want to move on with my life. I don't know how to remove her from my life. What should I do?
submitted by Mayo6_B to TalkTherapy [link] [comments]
I have a friend, I'll call her J. I have known J for almost 9 years. She and I grew up pretty close and we were inseparable. Over the first few years of our friendship she had lost my parents trust from an incident involving a boy, she wasn't allowed to stay over for sleepovers and I practically lost my whole summer that year. I was pretty angry at my parents and blamed things on them. I regret my actions and I did learn but in my mind I thought J was the only person who understood me.
After the whole incident settled down. School started up again and she would jokingly push me into a boy or a locker. She started putting her arm around my neck, trying to choke me. She would continuously punch me or smack me on the head. I honestly got annoyed by it but I acted like it was nothing. She had suddenly became obsessed with TikTok and she posted a whole TikTok about her friends, their was a video of me that stood out. I wasn't wearing a shirt. Which completely made me uncomfortable because I wasn't wearing a shirt and she took the video while I was changing. She didn't take it down. She also would post photos without my consent. Like ones that made me feel ugly or disgusting. And I would tell her how they made me feel. But she would still post them. I started telling her no when she asked for photos and she always would sneak one when I wasn't looking. She doesn't take no for an answer. She will start whining when you don't listen. I used to trust her with my feelings and I would tell her about everything. And now I feel like she knows too much.
This past school year all of my friends (king, J, Joe, Bell) and I went to SDYC. And well when we went J was lying a bunch and starting a bunch of drama and it threw all of my friends off. We all didn't trust J and Joe that well during that time. I felt like the only people I had was my friends King and Bell. Because they both understood how I felt.
After that. King, J, and I had a sleepover. During the middle of the night I was watching a movie and J began to bug me. She started pushing on me saying I was taking up too much room. But honestly I was the one who was sleeping in between two couches there's no way I was taking that much space because I was falling in the crack. She then proceeded to call me a fat roll. I said "no your a fat roll" jokingly. And then she freaks out and she went to tell her boyfriend. It annoyed me because all her boyfriend knows how to do is talk bad. After that sleepover. She started working at the same place as me and I told her about my big crush on this coworker of ours. And so then she decided to start flirting with him in front of me. She would throw something at him jokingly and giggle. I didn't try to think anything of it. But then when we were talking about him the next thing she decided to say was, "your just jealous because he talks to me and not you". The thing is I don't want to talk to him that's why I don't try to talk to him. He has talked to me before, but I rather admire him from afar. He's like 13 years older than me. He was just hot to me at the time.
I'll just say I am lighter than a 5'6 girl. I might have a little bit of belly fat but that's just my body. And I do have an eating disorder. I don't eat enough, I practically starve myself. J honestly made me feel worse and I started having moments where I would basically pass out from no iron in my body. J continued to body shame me even from the amount of food I would eat. She straight up made is feel like she was calling me ugly and fat. It hurt and it made me angry. I told my dad and he said she's just jealous and not to worry about it. I brushed it off but she basically would say something everyday. It got to a point where I was crying all the time.
During my last year of highschool J didn't have a vehicle. So she would ask me to drive her places. I didn't mind because we would be going to the same places. And I started offering to pay for her drink or something. I didn't think much of it in tell I was always taking her places and buying her drinks but she still wanted me to pay her back for stuff when I didn't have much money. She managed to buy a vehicle for a small price by saving up the money she didn't spend. I feel stupid for offering. One day her mom even texted me asking for the small money I "owed" J. But my parents think I don't owe her anything because I have given her most of my money and that she owes me money.
J also does this thing where if you don't give her your attention she'll keep tapping you. Over and over again. Everytime she asks for my attention it's always for something so pointless and stupid. Nothing serious. And everytime I ask for her attention she'll ignore me. She does it a lot. She only wants to have the attention. I stopped telling her about how I feel because all I know is she'll either use it against me or not actually listen and move past it. Like once she asked me how I felt and when I told her that I cried about something she moved on from it into her talking about her crying over some movie she watched.
The way she treated me made me so angry that I texted her boyfriend anonymously asking him to control his girlfriend and get her to be nicer to others. He didn't like the message and told his girl on the spot and J tried to call my fake number. I didn't answer and then she ran to me to tell me the tea. She later assumed it was a boy she was flirting with that she pushed away.
I hate her boyfriend but he deserves better.. because she has talked to another boy behind his back. When I started liking this one boy. I told her about it and then she began to tell me how she met this UK boy and she thinks he's all that. She later found out he was lying about his age and she got back to reality before she lost her in person boyfriend.
She told king I was flirting with this one dude but I wasn't. J told me to add this guy she found on Facebook on snap, I said okay and I called the dude a nickname like a Grandma would call their grandchildren. And I thought it was funny and the guy thought it was chill. I didn't think anything of it and then I blocked him because I didn't want to talk to him. She then decided to add the guy on snap. And she starts talking to him. The amount of times she has lied is crazy. I blocked him but she still has him on snap. For what reason I don't know.
J and Joe and I have recently had a lot of problems with each other. It's always J and Joe fighting and I'm between listening to them both argue about each other. I was getting tired of it. J hit my breaking point when she decided to ask me for my boyfriends sisters snap. You don't just ask your friend for her boyfriends sisters snap. That's weird. She also asked for my boyfriends and she looked him up when I told her no and she added a bunch of dudes with the same name. She didn't find him but there is no way I want her knowing him or his sister. I have too many trust issues with her. She's the main reason why a lot of my relationships didn't work out. They didn't like her and she manipulated me into saying things that upset them. She makes me so uncomfortable. She made me seem lesbian once when I know I'm not. But she made a TikTok about it and a lot of people from my school saw it. I don't like false accusations. I'm pretty sure she used it for clout. But also my parents think she's inlove with me because she can never leave me alone and she always HAS to hold hands or hug.
J doesn't understand a lot of things. And she calls me stupid. I honestly want karma to come get her but that's bad and I don't mean to say that. It hurts a lot.
I had blocked J on everything. But since I worked with J I saw her and she started bawling her eyes out at me saying she did nothing, I felt bad but I was annoyed because she kept bugging me. So I unblocked her. I decided to block her again after because my boyfriend said she was manipulating me. And well the more I had her blocked the nicer she was. After a while Joe did something to make me give up on my friendship with her too and J expected that to be a chance to get me back. And well she did practically. She was a lot nicer and I felt like she changed. But Man was I wrong.. Just today I was working my second night shift. I said something as a joke because I was hoping J would get what I meant. Her boyfriend was on the call... He took everything out of context and said something that made me feel less about myself. I already feel like crap being the person I am. I want to better myself but the more people say things the more I give up. I want to be encouraged not dragged down. I don't know why he has to be so mean. I never did anything to him. I don't know why they both have to be... I listen to her call people ugly all the time. Like just stop. I want her to stop. I'm leaving for the military soon, and she said that I can't get rid of her. That sounds psycho. And it honestly makes me want to get away more. I'm tired of the toxic environment and I want to get away. But she's everywhere. She knows everything about me. She has photos of me I hate. She has so many things she can use against me. I'm honestly scared. I want to block her again but I know she's just going to keep bugging me about it. And she might turn people against me. She's good at talking to people. I'm not I'm an introvert. I don't want her ever find me again once I leave. But I know she might try. People always find a way. And she's creepy. Because I know she'll be able to. But I just want to move on with my life. I don't know how to remove her from my life. What should I do?