I thought there was only one, but then when you look at different signs e.g. BEAR, ANGRY, WHAT, BROKEN, MANY, LION they seem to use several distinct shapes. I thought this was maybe me taking things too literally, and those could just be an accepted range of variation, but then I looked at the classifiers lifeprint lists and in fact it seems at least some of these shapes are importantly distinct. Lifeprint lists CL-5-claw, and CL-C-claw. These are different in basically the way you'd expect: one looks like a claw made from a 5, and one looks like a C made into a claw.
So my question is this: do fluent speakers regard those signs as having the same handshape? If not, how are they grouped? And to what extent do different people agree on those groupings/sign the signs in the same way? Fundamentally, I want to know how careful I need to be in order to avoid signing the signs wrong. With that in mind, I'm imagining the answers may be anything from "yes you can make these distinctions, but it never matters for correct signing" to "yes you have to pick the right one, though in different dialects the "correct" handshape to use for a given sign will differ"?
Additionally, would anyone recognise a distinct "E-claw"? I can't quite recall if I've seen this mentioned or imagined it, but regardless it seems there are some claw hands people make which are distinctly sharper than C-claw.

Hello,
I've never posted about this kind of stuff, but I've never experienced such a persistent nagging pain
My ex and I had a very turbulent 7 year relationship, I initially met her months after healing from another long term relationship, about 25 years, and that ended amicably, and to this day I see her as a friend.
The beginning of our relationship was amazing, it was very sexually charged, she was into everything and anything I did, she was sweet, comforting, a great listener, the times we had were almost euphoric. Even during this phase of the relationship, I acknowledged to myself that I have to take things slow as things are moving so fast.
About a month and a half into "dating" she got pregnant, and I told her I will be there for you, and I'll never run away from being a Father, ever! Immediately everything changed, and of course I understand why and empathize with how she may have felt suddenly being pregnant, and I genuinely cared and made myself available at all times. We only lived a building apart, we were basically doors down from each other.
Immediately she wanted to get a place together, I let her know that she could stay with me anytime, give it a trial run, but we still need to get know each other, as I just got over a 25 year relationship. She started staying with me on and off and I began seeing a complete different side of her, she would storm out of my place and take issue with little things like clothes on the floor, or an unmade bed, I mean over the top anger.
Still throughout this period I began falling in love with her, and falling in love with my unborn child. During this period I started discovering a pattern of lies, some just white lies, some extremely severe, lies that had the potential to affect any sort of positive outcome as they entailed criminal behavior. When confronted with the worst ones I was assured she would stop.
Skip ahead to the birth, I was with her, we were both content, a happy beautiful healthy daughter came from the womb. I was in love, both with my child, as well as the Mother. We were inseparable for awhile, then she became extremely controlling, even vicious at times. My time with my daughter was often relegated to when the Mother was asleep, I would let her sleep when my daughter woke up in the night and bond with her then.
One day she got extremely upset with me as I wanted to bring my daughter and her to a family event, she had an issue with a family member of mine, this turned into a CRAZY argument, that ended up with me being denied seeing my child for over 12 days. I ended up going to the courthouse to file papers that would give me the legal right to see my daughter, regardless of the status of my relationship with the Mother.
I never served those papers, as my daughter had gotten sick, and we both met at her pediatrician appointment, everything melted away and we were together again, she became loving again, we shared bringing up our child, but I began to lose touch with all my family, including my friends, anything I would do or plan to do would cause an insane amount of friction.
Through this time we did our best to be close, but the lies never stopped, and I completely began to lose my sense of self. There were times when my daughter would be completely weaponized, used as a pawn to control me, I slowly began isolating myself from just about anyone but my daughter and the Mother. We would have an argument, could be anything, big or small, and instantly I'd be disregarded, no communication, no texts, no calls, no responses. Then we would get together and she would show me love and kindness, and I'd be hooked again. This on and off pattern lasted a good 6 years. I still struggle thinking about how dark some of those days were, and I've never strayed or abandoned my daughter. She's the light of my life, just has 2 parents that can't seem to live peacefully together.
Forward to now, just a few months ago we talked and decided it would be best to part and focus on co-parenting. The 1st month was great, we were cordial to each other during pick ups and drop offs, but we stopped both putting our child to bed together. If she had her I used to always go over and put her to bed, read books, bathe, etc and she would for the most part so the same when I have my daughter. We stopped that, as when my daughter did fall asleep that's when we would connect, quite often it was just sexual, looking back it was like giving a dog a bone, it was void of true intimacy, it was just enough to keep things balanced in an odd way, it became the only affection I came to know.
This entire time, regardless of our status, whenever we were with other people she was a gem, she always would bring gifts even if not necessary, always be extremely affectionate towards me, basically playing a part.
Here's an example, I got sick one evening, some sort of food poisoning, it got bad enough where I had to go to the hospital and be treated in a bed from early morning until evening. This happened to fall on a night we had planned a "date" night. She came to the hospital to pick me up, my parents were there and she was as sweet as you could imagine, as soon as I got discharged and we were driving home, now just the two of us, she flipped on me for ruining our date. She bought tickets to a show, and she was recklessly pissed off and as mean as one could imagine, and I was still sick, she ended up storming out of my place.
These kinds of situations became normal, and a nonstop cycle of on again/off again partners became the norm.
I'm getting long winded now, but I'll come back to the present. After about a month of just co-parenting and coming to terms with ending any sort of romantic relationship, and being cordial to one another, she started reminiscing about our past, sharing pictures of happy times with my daughter and us together, pictures of just her and I, messages of love, how she misses me, will always love me, all these things, and I opened the door again. This was days before she worked be leaving for a "yoga retreat" and I would have my daughter. Needless to say, those 4 days there was no more communication, not even with my daughter. The 1st communication on a Sunday morning was about being together again, and now sentiments of love.
This has since happened 2 more times, always surrounded by secrecy, even if it directly affects my daughter, which it has. Come to find out she was never away, "out of town" she was just down the road at an Airbnb with some guy that flies in from out of state, she told me all this and actually said how much I would like him, and that this guy would love to meet me, and at the same time maintaining how much she still loves me.
This coming week my daughter and her are taking their first "vacation" without me involved. I was completely fine with this, expressing how I first had mixed feelings, only because my daughter has never really traveled without me and her Mother, but came to terms with it and even started suggesting places to show her, a beach to check out, dolphins in these waters, manatees here etc. The guy she's been seeing at random airbnbs lives in the state they are flying too
It's just thrown me for such a loop. I haven't truly trusted her for a while for good reasons, lots of lies, and complete disregard for any prior planned commitments, but this just feels out of the park, and has me feeling like an emotional weakling. Yesterday I responded to an email saying "I just need to process some of this stuff and not communicate unless it has to do with our daughter", the response was crazy, completely shitting on me as a person on how much I've wronged her and how I never cared for her and all this stuff. My reply was you are right, I'm sorry, I've been having trouble letting go, but I'm now ready too, let's focus on being the best we can be for our daughter.
Instant reply of what a great father I am, how I've always been there, how much my daughter loves me and counts down the days to when I have her. How sorry she is that she treated me poorly, etc. It's all just nuts, and I can't simply not communicate, and I'm so confused as to why I'm feeling so hurt by all this stuff while I recognize the healthiest thing I can do for myself is truly let go. I have so many mixed emotions I can't even think about dating, or even chilling with someone new. I'm all over the place, mainly sad, it's so confusing.
Apologies for such a long winded post, may not even make clear sense, just let my "swipe" keyboard go nuts for a bit
Hope you are all well!

Hi all, I wasn't sure if I should put this here or in the main FtM sub but I figured this might be a better place to post my woes.
Potential triggers: discussion of trauma, PTSD, health concerns, surgery, relationship issues
TL;DR: My partner has a lot of trauma and likely PTSD around caretaking, health issues of loved ones, and surgery, and is having an extremely hard time coping with the fact that I am moving forward with getting top surgery.
So the issue is in the title but there is more context and nuance to this situation, and I want to say outright that my partner (they/them) is extremely supportive of my transition in general and the issue is around the surgery itself.
My partner and I have been together for almost 7 years, and have been married for 3. We got married before I realized I was trans. Before I came out, they were always adamant about not wanting to be married to a man, which made it really challenging for me to want to come out to them and move forward with transitioning when I finally realized that I'm a trans man. That being said, they were supportive of me when I came out as trans about 2 years ago, and have been a great ally and advocate for me in social situations. They struggled a bit with the changes that came when I first started on T, but now they celebrate me and the changes that T has made to my body. Through/because of my transition, they realized they're pansexual, and find me as attractive as they did before T, but it took some time to get here, and they still sometimes struggle with the fact that they're married to a man.
The fact that I transitioned about a year after we got married has been an issue from the get-go, and I think if things had happened in the reverse order, we would both be more satisfied in our relationship. They feel as though they never got to say goodbye to the person they fell in love with. I know that sounds a bit fucked up but I can see where they're coming from, because the person they first met is not who I am anymore. That person was never real to begin with and was more or less a persona that I created to fit into the role that was expected of me, so when I came out, my true personality has come forward, so yes I understand why they feel such grief, and it doesn't mean that they're not also happy for me at the same time (feelings are complicated). This is something we've had a lot of conversations about, and unfortunately I feel that they have some resentment towards me for not realizing my identity before we made a legally binding decision. They don't outright say it, but I get the sense that they feel like I've betrayed them because I came out and started transitioning after we got married rather than before.
Additionally, throughout our relationship, I have struggled with a variety of different health problems. Most recently, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis about 4 years ago, which was triggered by a non-transition related surgery. My partner was an excellent caretaker when I was at my sickest, but they have quite a lot of trauma from their childhood around caretaking, which was then perpetuated in our relationship. Before my diagnosis and while still figuring out the right medication dosage for me, I was extremely irritable and had a lot of negativity/depression/anxiety which I unfairly took out on my partner. These psychiatric symptoms are part of my Hashimoto's, and I also have quite severe ADHD which was untreated at the time, so you might be able to imagine the poor treatment my partner received when I was quite ill. I lashed out at them over very small things and was just generally unpleasant to be around. Due to brain fog, I can't even remember most of what I said or how I acted, but I know it really hurt them (emotionally/mentally). We have had many conversations about this too, and I have apologized more times than I can count. Since getting my health issues and ADHD under control, my behavior and irritability have been significantly better, but they still bring up that time in our relationship whenever we have a major conflict. They clearly have not forgiven me for this or moved on, even though they said they have. I feel like I will never be able to make up for the hurt and trauma no matter how good of a partner I am now.
Fast forward to the present. I have been on my local top surgery waitlist since March 2023 and just yesterday I FINALLY got scheduled for a consult which is next month. My partner has known that I want top surgery from the beginning, and I waited a whole year after starting T before I even got on the waitlist, to allow them some time to process it. I got a call that I was getting close to the top of the list back in February, which I told them immediately, and I have been keeping them updated throughout the process. Every time I bring it up, they get extremely upset. Crying, wanting to be alone, spending all their time in another room and not wanting to be around me, etc. It's obviously very triggering for them and I believe they have PTSD around this. A few months ago, I sat them down and we were able to have an open and honest conversation about it for the first and only time, and they confessed that they didn't think they could mentally handle being my caretaker again because of what happened before. I accepted this immediately and started thinking about and researching other options for post-surgery care. Their feelings and experiences are valid and I have no problem figuring this out on my own if it means that we can have a healthy relationship. I have friends and family who are more than happy to help, and my health insurance covers most of the cost for a caretaker. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by many very supportive people who would absolutely help me out post-surgery. Most of my friends are trans (or are the partner of a trans person) and have had (or have experience taking care of someone who has had) top surgery so I am comfortable asking them for help. There are enough folks in my support system that no one person would be overburdened with taking care of me and in fact the two friends I already told about this issue immediately volunteered (without me even asking) to drive me to/from my appointments and take sick days to help me out post-surgery.
However, when I told my partner that they don't need to take care of me and that I could stay with family, ask friends to help out, or hire someone, they were still upset. They said they feel guilty for not being able to take care of me or be there for me as my partner. They've told me they don't think they can handle being in this relationship if I get top surgery because of the guilt around not being able to take care of me. I feel like I'm being forced to choose between living as my authentic self and keeping my relationship. I already know I'm going to move forward with surgery, but I'm really struggling with the idea that it might mean I'm going to lose my partner, who I thought I would spend my entire life with. I would be willing to delay surgery to allow them more time to process, but it has already been over 2 years since I started medically transitioning, a year on the waitlist, a few months since I was told I'd get a consult soon, and they still aren't mentally prepared for this. I'm concerned that there is not enough time in the world for them to be mentally ready for this and I can't just put my transition on hold when they've already had so much time and made no effort to start to process their trauma around this. I am suffering physically and mentally already - I overheat constantly because I'm binding and wearing multiple shirts to hide my chest and binder, my posture has worsened and I have shoulder and back pain I never had before I started binding, and I am limited in what I can do, especially as the weather is warming up, it makes me extremely sad and dysphoric that I can't just take my shirt off and enjoy the water, or join people in a pool/hot tub. I've tried to explain to my partner that this surgery is a good thing and will allow me to be more mentally present and live a happier and more fulfilling life, which they logically understand but don't seem to emotionally get it due to their trauma. They are in the process of getting a therapist, but haven't seen one yet about this particular issue (they have been to therapy for other reasons a few years ago), and they aren't willing to do couple's counseling, saying that they'd rather put that time/energy into themselves.
It makes me really sad that I can't celebrate this exciting transition milestone with the most important person in the world to me, and that they might not even be in my life anymore afterwards. They don't have an issue with me transitioning, just with the surgery. They said if I woke up tomorrow and my chest was totally flat/masculine, that would be completely ok. I understand being concerned about the health risks of surgery and that my recovery will probably be a little more rough than the average bear because of my thyroid condition, but this goes beyond an understandable/regular level of concern imo. I feel frustrated and disappointed with them for not taking steps towards processing this trauma so they can be there for me, especially since it's something we've had so much time to prepare for. I want to be understanding and patient, but I have been for so long already and haven't seen them put any effort into doing the work. I worry that my patience and understanding is what's been keeping this relationship from falling apart when this subject comes up, and that soon I am going to be out of that energy/space for them unless they start putting the effort into working through these issues.
I am also slightly frustrated because I put in a lot of work over the years to address my emotional issues that caused them a lot of pain, but I don't feel like it's recognized, and every time they're triggered, they treat me as if I haven't done any work whatsoever on myself, like we're right back where we were 4 years ago. I have been through many years of therapy and my hormones are stable (including my thyroid), and I'm on ADHD medication that works very well for me. I take care of myself and get my bloodwork done every 3-6 months as needed, take my medications very consistently, have a good sleep and self-care routine, etc., all changes that have helped me be a better partner and person which I feel have gone completely unnoticed. To be honest, I feel like I take care of them all the time. I go grocery shopping, I make sure dinner is on the table every day, I'm the only one that does the dishes, lately I have been doing most of the cleaning except the floors and litter box. I have even done extra projects around the apartment when they mention something they want to do but don't have time/energy for - like hanging up some art that has been sitting around for a while, and organizing shared spaces. I'm still treated like a villian every time they're triggered, no matter what I say or do. They ask me why I hate them and cry for hours if I get into bed an hour later than they do and it wakes them up (they are a very light sleeper), and tell me I'm being mean when I say I wish they had told me how they feel before things get to the point of crisis. I don't know what to expect from them sometimes because they are unclear in their communication. I ask how they are and they say "as fine as I always am" and don't elaborate even when I ask, which I assume to mean that they're okay, when they're actually not okay and they expected me to just know that, so they think I'm being inconsiderate if I move onto a different topic of conversation. We will go days or weeks without having any issues and then all of a sudden, they tell me "I don't think I can do this anymore" because I didn't do the dishes for a day, or there's a stack of mail that's been on the tv stand for a little too long. They say that it's not out of no where and that if I just paid attention, I would see that, but I do pay attention and I ask how they are and I make space for them to share how they're doing, but they don't share their feelings with me until they get so upset that they can't control it anymore. Lately, the only time they share their feelings is when they're upset.
I don't know what I'm supposed to accept because of their PTSD/trauma and I feel so guilty about how I've perpetuated and caused harm to them in the past, so it feels wrong to suggest that they're being unfair to me. At the same time, I don't think I should be expected to put up with being treated like this and thinking that things are totally okay one day, only to be told the next that they don't know if they want to keep doing this. This morning they told me they don't want to come back home, and that I can keep our cat. I don't want to lose them, but at a certain point I can't make someone work through their trauma, and it makes me extremely sad that this relationship isn't worth saving in their mind and they'd rather just leave me when I get surgery than deal with the hard stuff.
I appreciate you if you read all of that. I don't want anyone to tell me to end this relationship because I am not going to do that without giving them a little more time, especially since they are getting ready to start therapy soon. They really are such a wonderful and amazing person and I feel so so lucky to call them my partner. They have so many amazing qualities and we can relate to each other in ways that I haven't been able to with anyone else. They just have a lot of trauma and I am stuck not knowing how to navigate the situation as I continue my transition, knowing that my getting surgery is extremely triggering for them and might end our relationship. I love them a lot and don't want to lose them, but I'm also realistic and have been in toxic relationships before and will end things if I need to. There is nuance to this situation and I am willing to give them grace and be understanding, but at the same time, I also need to make the choices I need to make for myself. This just really sucks and I think at the moment I'd just like some support. If y'all have ever been in a situation like this and your relationship made it through, I'd love to know how. Thanks.

TODAY'S RECAP

Wow. So little to summarize today. It was all very anticlimactic stuff. If you're inclined to ff through filler and boring scenes, today might be a day you lean on the ff button.
Luna and RJ reunited in one of the most boring reunions of a soap couple (no disrespect to the young actors, just a snoooooze of a story). Both Carter and Brooke yelled at Zende. News got around about Sheila.

Eric, Donna, Ridge, and Brooke at Eric's

(Everyone views newspaper headlines about Sheila being alive. Their reactions are underwhelming).
Everyone: Surprise surprise. 🫤 Ppffrrtt..Can you believe it? 😕 Can't believe it. 😟 I can believe it. 😐 Yeah, kinda not totally surprising. 🫤 Sheila back from the dead 💀 again. Yeah. 😑 Phewy. 😣 Wah. 😧 Sucky. 😒 Blechy! 🤢 Not happy. 🙁 Pouty. ☹️ This again. 😞 It's getting old. 🙄 Ikr? 😦 Witch 👹 is back. Now we have to look over our shoulder again. Dang it.
Eric: (picks up a call). Yeah. Alive. Again. 🫤 Sorry Lauren. I know. It sucks. Bye.
Exit Brooke, who received a message from Charlie that Zende is at FC.
Ridge: BE CAREFUL of SHEILA! 😦 Grrr. Huff.
Brooke: Yeah yeah. Byeeee.
Ridge: Snarl. 😦 So, here's the SugaJanet WebbeSheila story. Blah blah blah...
Donna: So look-a-like 👩👩 psycho 🫨 Sugar attacked Steffy.
Ridge: You got it. 😕
Eric: And Deacon and Finn rescued Sheila and Finn wants her in their lives? MY GOD! 😮
Donna: And Finn's connection to Sheila has deepened because--
Ridge: IDGAF about Finn's pathetic MOMMY issues! Snort! 😤 Grrr. Finn is a fuck face! Everyone knows Sheila is tricking his dumb ass.
Donna: Yah. 😃 He picked Steffy over Sheila.
Ridge: Grrr! Snarl! He should have NEVER EVER ASKED STEFFY to be BFFs with that psycho Sheila! Huff! Puff! 😤
Eric and Donna: But it's Finn. We like Finn. He's a decent guy. Yah. Yeah. It's Finn!
Eric: (💭 Finn did just save my life about a second ago. So, I'm pretty fond of that boy. 👨‍⚕️)
Donna: (💭 Finn just saved my honey 🍯 bear 🐻, so Finn will always be special to me. Maybe you could lay off of berating Finn.)
Ridge: Finn is PISSING ME OFF! I'm pissed off on the regular, but he's putting me in a PERMA-PISSED state of continuous SNARLING and SPUTTERING! GAH! Harumph. Sheila! Growl! Roar! 😦😤😡
Eric and Donna: 🙄🙄 (💭 He's so mean about dear, lifesaver Finn. Gah.)
Finn: How does Sheila keep getting away with her CRIMES?! 😮😤😡 (Why? Reddit would like to remind you, Ridge, that your daughter refused to testify -- bc YOU went along with the genius plan to get charges against Sheila dropped so that Bill could entrap her. Yeah and that backfired in your faces.) And Finn! Snarl! Grrr!
Eric: Finn is vulnerable to Sheila. But he's a good man, his heart is in the right place and did the right thing.
Ridge: 🤨

Zende and Carter at FC

Zende: 🙄😞😒😟
Carter: I see 👀 you not working, man.
Zende: Yah. Can't concentrate. 🫤
Carter: You need to concentrate! HFTF is depending on YOU! Stop 🛑 thinking about Luna! She's not available! You were WRONG! 😦 You FUCKED UP! 🤨 You can't have HER! 😐 You shoulda KNOWN better! 😦 WTF were you thinking? 😕
Zende: My bad. But it's more complicated than--
Carter: Nah! Just STOP! 😤 Look, I totally understand. I'm your friend. I fucked up zooming on Quinn and almost lost everything. Don't do what I did.
Zende: Okay. 😞
Enter Brooke.
Brooke: 🤨 I need to talk to Zende ALONE.
Zende: Carter knows. 😒
Brooke: So what?! I said ALONE! 😠 (💭 So I can bitch more freely at you! )
Exit Carter.
Brooke: How could you?! 😤 How dare you?! 😦 How scummy can you be?! 😣 You BETRAAAAAAAYED MY SON! 😡 YOUR COUSIN! YOUR FAMILY! WTF?! You KNEW she was with RJ! 👦 You KNEW she was on his arm! You KNEW they were TOGETHER! 👩‍❤️‍👨 You KNEW they LOVED each other! 💘 You knew they were COMMITTED! (💭 I'm running out of ways to repeat the same thing. 🫤) You should have questioned her! How could you do this to LUNA? You KNEW she was loopy!
Zende: Oh. Wait.☝️Hold on right there. I didn't know she was high 🥴 af. She was in my bed. I thought she wanted me. 🙄
Brooke: YOU BETRAYED RJ! ROOOOOAR! 😤😮 Growl! Snarl! (💭 Ridge has rubbed off on me). My SON is good! 👼 He doesn't want me to tell Ridge so Luna is not even more hurt. He's THAT guy! Sweet, wonderful, caring RJ! I thought YOU were that kind of guy too! But NO! How would your mother feel about you, now?!
Zende: 🥺😣😕😞😖😟☹️ (no quivering chin emoji, sorry Reddit). I'm so sorry.
Brooke: (💭 I'ma totally ignore his apology. 😑). So, get OUT! Skedaddle! Vamoosh! 💨 Be gone! 🪄Before someone drops a house on you! Go to Forrester International (💭 Where your ex wife, Nicole, has been languishing off canvas)! Or Forrester Siberia! 😡
Zende: Oh. Wait.☝️Hold on right there. I earned my place here. 😐 So.
Brooke: So? So! Go!
(💭 My hypocrisy is totally irrelevant. Shut up, Reddit. Everyone gets to judge tf out of everyone else, as if we never did the same or worse. That's OUR thing! Steffy just did it to MY daughter. Ridge does it every day. Stephanie made it a life style! Taylor wagged her finger at me and she slept with all the same people! That's how we roll! So Reddit, you can just leave Bridget and Katie out of this! I'm fussing at Zende until I'm blue in the face because he hurt my precious son! Only I get to hurt my family! Gah! Plus, I've matured, so I can be judgey! Shhh!)

RJ and Luna at FC

Luna: I heard about Sheila 👿. That's SOOOOOOO awful!! 😧 I'm SOOOOOO SORRRRRRRY!
RJ: Sheila terrorized my family for soooo long. 😒 Now she's back. 😞
Luna: I wish I could have been there for you, but we have this big 🫲___________🫱 gulf between us. Wah! 😥 I hate it! 😟 I miss you! But you need time. I understand. 😞
RJ: 😕
Luna: You used to look SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! 🤩 😃 Now you look SOOOOOOOOOO not happy! ☹️ I'm SOOOOOOOO SORRRRRRRY! I should have told you SOOOOOOO much sooner. It's ALL MY FAULT 😩 -- and the MINTS -- that you look jaded af now and that you broke up with your cousin! I miss you SOOOOOOO MUCH! 😫
RJ: It's not YOUR fault! 😦 It's stupid, fuck face ZENDE'S fault! He shouldn't have, but he DID and IDGAF about that dude! Fuck that guy! 😤 Blech! 🤢
Luna: I used to be SOOOOOO afraid 😱 until your love made me feel SOOOOOO not afraid. 🥰☺️
RJ: Yah? 😦
Luna: Yah. 😔
RJ: Well alrighty then. Let's fix everything! I miss YOU SOOOOOO MUCH TOO! 😟 Let's just forget this hiccup and be together 👩‍❤️‍👨 again, angel 😇 face!
Luna: What about the time you needed? 😟
RJ: All I need is YOUUUU! I love you SOOOOOO MUCH! 🥰😍😘
Luna: I love YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! 😍🥰😘😃
Luna and RJ embrace. It's all better now. ♥️👩‍❤️‍👨💕
RJ: Gotta get to exits a meeting. We'll pick up this happy moment later. 😍
Luna: Yah! ☺️
RJ exits.
Luna: 🤢🤮😳😧 (💭 OMG! Pregnant?🤰 Who's the daddy? 🙄)
The end.

Cease-fire (noun) a temporary pause during hostilities where peace is discussed and fresh troops are tactically deployed to gain the upper hand when hostilities resume.
"Does she have a sister?"
The human body, in a fight-or-flight situation, will send signals to increase oxygen resulting in the widening of the blood vessels to allow a greater flow of blood indicated by the reddening of Robert's face. This wasn't the first time someone asked either. Derrick was the first person to notice that Robert had not returned to his bunk and, spurred on by curiosity mixed with a touch of fear, a search party was organized. Robert had been observed exiting Sorcha's quarters, receiving a passionate kiss as he left, and entered the bay to a round of cheering and lewd comments.
"It just sort of.... happened." Robert replied under his breath.
"Calm down Rob im just picking at you, nobody expected you to move so fast is all." Jacob commented.
"I didn't... She... its kind of a blur. "Robert tried to explain.
"She... at you?" Hobbs asked. "Well... Now I really want to know."
"Get the men to chow," Robert ordered. "I need a shower."
"Cold showers are a myth Robert!" Hobbs called after him.
/////
"It will take a couple days at our fastest speed, but we will get you there." Captain Blanchard answered.
"I don't doubt you Captain," Robert replied, "I'm just curious how long we have aboard. Do you have a cargo bay we can use for training?"
"What kind of training did you have in mind Colonel?" Captain Blanchard inquired.
"Marksmanship and movement drills if possible, hip pocket training if not, and we could all use some exercise if anything." Robert replied.
"We do have access to the gym Rob," Thomas pointed out, "and a workout rotation has already been created."
"Thank you for reminding me," Robert replied, "and thank you for making that happen. I'll find an open time for myself after breakfast."
"Derrick made the schedule yesterday when we was at dinner." Jacob commented.
Robert raised an eyebrow at that. Derrick was good in a fight, he knocking out a diplomat before telling the parole board off if Robert remembered correctly, but it wasn't like him to take initiative.
"Another matter if I may." Captain Blanchard began. "I know all of you are very fond of Robert and would follow him to hell and back if he ordered it, but it would be best if you started addressing each other properly. For instance, Robert holds the rank of Colonel and should be addressed as 'Sir' or Colonel Grant. It's a common military practice with a millennium of tradition behind it. Lower officer ranks should also be addressed in the same fashion accordingly. Since you have time to train, military bearing should also be part of that."
"Good point Sir." Robert replied.
Captain Blanchard smiled a little at Robert. "You and I have an equivalent rank so rank and last name is all that would be required."
"So I'd be Captain Hobbs or sir?" Hobbs asked.
"Last name." Robert interjected.
"Hobbs is my last name sir." Hobbs replied.
"What's your first name?" Jacob asked.
"First names the reason I go by my last name." Hobbs replied.
"Which is..." Robert pressed.
Hobbs tried to melt into the dining room chair. "Any you laugh we gonna have words later." Hobbs said.
Nobody was impressed by the empty threat.
"My daddy liked to read a lot, old books mostly, stuff from way back. He'd even read them to me after I came along, and he told me he named me Cy after one of his favorite people."
"Captain Hobbs," Captain Blanchard said with a smile, "Cy is short for Cyrus, the name of several emperors in ancient Persia."
Hobbs nodded.
"I know that sir, and thanks for not laughing, but I wasn't named after a king, my full first name is Cyrano."
"How big was his..." Robert started to ask, but decided to change the subject due to the look on Hobbs' face.
"Can we use the gym for battle drills?" Robert asked instead.
"Yes, of course." Captain Blanchard replied a little too quickly.
The rest of Breakfast was finished in silence.
/////
"Like Cyrano De Bergerac?" Derrick asked quietly.
"Yeah." Robert replied.
"His nose ain't that big." Derrick commented.
"That's not what I wanted to talk about, I heard you made the schedule for the Gym rotation." Robert said, changing the subject.
"Yeah... yes sir." Derrick replied. "There's a space for you already written in."
"Thanks but I was curious as to why?" Robert asked.
"Seemed like a good idea, just like a lot of the other stuff I've been doing." Derrick said.
"Yeah, your name came up a few times about work rotation as well, and I wanted to make sure you were okay with handling that for me." Robert said.
"No problem Sir, it's just something I started doing." Derrick said offhandedly.
"Good to hear," Robert replied, handing him a small envelope.
"What's this Sir?" Derrick asked.
"You're compensation Captain." Robert replied with a smile.
Derrick's eyes widened in shock, just as Robert had expected. His days of pretending to slack off while making sure everyone was taken care of were over, and Derrick knew it.
"We need another Captain, you're it."

My mother is a severely mentally ill woman. She loves me i think and she has done so much for us, always had food for us, taken care for us in a financial sense, really gone above and beyond etc . etc. I love her too. But her uncontrollable anger and inability to show even basic affection has ruined my childhood and a part of me will always hate for her that.
She beat me for no reason all my life while basically just ignoring me emotionally. I've never had an actual conversation with her in my life. It's either just to-the-point information exchange or screaming and crying. When I try to talk to her she tells me to leave her alone. I live with her currently as I'm a high school senior.
My relationship with my mother is obviously extremely volatile. There is a fixed pattern to it. We will have a partially normal cordial relationship for a while. My mother is not affectionate during these times she is just not overtly cruel. Soon she will do something cruel, or something she does reminds me of the horrible mother she has been. And my hatred for her returns in full force, no matter how much I try to love her. I usually lose my mind around these times, because I cant deal with the fact that she doesn't even wish to apologize, or doesnt even realise that she is such a shitty mother. I get really paranoid and sad, and dont leave my room to avoid her. My parents calm me down. I forgive her believing she can be better. My mom suppresses her horrible personality for a while for my sake, and then a month later this repeats.
Recently I gave the biggest exam of my life. An exam you prepare a year for. One that defines your future. I did really well fortunately! Really truly well. So many people were around me congratulating me, a year of hard work paid off, I was ecstatic! I was ranked 5th in a group of over 200. It was one of the most significant days of my life. On this day, my mother came to me, bragged about how her students( she's a teacher) got such amazing scores(in an exam out of 500 they got 4 marks more than me), told me she wished I'd gotten a higher score, then left. That's everything she had to say. I prepared for this for an year, blood, sweat and tears. I broke down in tears because I realised she will never be pleased with me. My mom obviously attacked me ferociously for being weak. She said she shouldnt have to 'act' like she's proud. My father tried to manipulate me, saying its alright for my mother to say that, as he's sure I myself wished for a higher score. I've been a mess the past couple days, after this incident. My mom, on the other hand, has been bragging about my score to anyone who'll listen.
I hate both my parents for what they've done and said over the years, and cant imagine forgiving them anytime soon, but we were planning a vacation next month. After everything that went down a few days ago, I've been avoiding both of them. I dont feel like talking to them ever again. But I keep thinking, theyve already done so much shit to me, maybe I should just swallow my pride, tell them i forgive them, still avoid them as much as I can, and atleast get a vacation out of it. If I keep avoiding talking to them we probably wont go, and I really was looking forward to it. I know i'll enjoy hanging out with my sister of vacation even if my parents are there. Most of my friends spend June with their families as it's the summer break in my country, and I'll get horribly lonely at home. I dont even care if its selfish, the only thing that bothers me is that I truly believe they should suffer and feel guilt. But I dont think they really feel any guilt as of now anyway. What do you guys think I should do?? Let me know

And his dumb Cult followers are titilated with his "superpower" over an hour on a phone bill.
I don't care how you followers spin this FACT. No one cares he was "almost" out of the military, so this brazen act is nothing, its just so fucking pathetic.
He flew to fucking Britain without permission from the military. You would think between the 15 brain cells combined a few of you probably could possibly see a pattern and confidence. Especially since he had he done this before and literally got away with murder.
For now anyways.
I hope all you sycophants who despise and disrespect women in every aspect of your life while shilling for the killer are charged with something regarding this case. Accessories after the fact, just something. Online terrorism.
You should be ashamed but how can you be if you share the same traits as a woman abuser?
I implore the community to stop engaging with these known losers.

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling with this. As much as it’s a relief because now I know how to treat it and I can look back on my life and see the pattern that’s repeated — I feel so broken.
I was first diagnosed with anxiety, then depression, and then ADHD. I even had a hard time telling people about those, but now when I tell my friends/family/teachers I can see the worried look in their eyes.
This shit is serious, and I’ll be fine if I stay on medication and take care of myself, but I’m not great at either of those things.
I also like to party which is just not a possibility, and I’m not even in college yet. I’ve always prided myself on not needing much sleep, and I thought it was a superpower that I could go 30+ hours awake and still feel great.
Now I know I’ve been a detriment to myself — and I feel guilty about how I’ve treated others. I wish I didn’t have to be on meds the rest of my life. I am, however, happy that I can finally go off my SSRI that makes me unable to orgasm!
If anyone else has ADHD and bipolar I’d really like to have someone to talk to about it, because god damn did I draw a bad hand.
Thanks for reading!

Hey Reddit,
I don’t normally post like this—hell, I never post with my porn account—but I’m especially lost right now. Two years ago, I got into a doctoral program for English lit, thinking it was what I wanted for my career. I’ve always excelled in school, so grad school would be a cinch! I got BAs in English and Creative Writing during undergrad, and it was some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. Grad school has been two years of (what feels like) a continuous mental health crisis, and today I may have wasted my last chance to get out with a degree.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life (medicated for six years), but after moving away to school, I very quickly spun off the rails. I was the furthest from home I had ever been, away from family and friends and my support network. My relationship with booze and weed, which had been casual, became habitual. I’m not the most social person to begin with, but the isolated lifestyle of grad school made it worse than I could have imagined. The only friends I had were in my cohort, and their being somewhere in between coworker and friend made it difficult to speak with them candidly about my struggles. After all, they had the same workload that I did, so complaining felt stupid, and sharing the extent of how bad shit had gotten seemed like it would be a one-way ticket to a grippy socks vacation.
Frankly, I should probably have gone on that vacation. I could still use one. There hasn’t been a day gone by since, like, October 2022 that I haven’t thought about killing myself. Most of the time it isn’t active, just your typical ideation like “Oh, grad school makes me want to die lol.” One of my favorite recurring ideations is hurling myself into an industrial woodchipper like in Fargo—it’s so ridiculously violent that it usually snaps me right out of my funk. Where would I even find an industrial woodchipper?
It’s gotten worse lately though. This winter was bad. I’d fantasize about finding the nearest Wal-mart and exercising my constitutional right to purchase a firearm, driving to one of the many nearby beautiful state parks that I was never able to find time to go visit during the semester, and blowing my brains out. When I realized that I needed to give my family some plausible deniability for my suicide so they could grieve my loss rather than my decision, I’d fantasize instead about “losing control” on the highway. I hoped the seatbelt would take my head and launch it straight out the windshield. Or I’d fantasize about pulling a Christopher Supertramp and just leaving without warning to fuck off and die in the woods—not violently, but by something that looked natural. God, what I wouldn’t give to be devoured by a bear.
All of these options were moot though, as I was too anxious to leave my house and drive for groceries for the entirety of March and April. Can’t drive yourself off a bridge if you’re too afraid to drive. Fret not though, friends—I’m back home with family now, stable and safe, and I no longer feel the pull of the void quite so strongly as I did at school.
Anyways, the workload was like nothing I had experienced in undergrad, and even though I knew it was going to be a lot of work, I thought I could keep up.
I was wrong.
I really gave it my best effort that first semester. I prepped each class I taught as a TA excessively, answered student emails within five minutes of receiving them. I started every other day with an anxiety vomit, but I went to class. I did my best to read everything assigned to me. I threw myself at Foucault and Derrida and fuckin Homi Bhabha and the 40 other opaque critical theorists they had us read, and I struggled through them to the best of my ability, but I never seemed to be on the same page as anyone else, so I found it more and more difficult to speak up in class until I stopped speaking entirely. Still, I wrote the 75 pages of critical writing they assign to us in the last week of the semester. I barely slept and hardly ate. I wrote what I thought they wanted, did my best to model myself after what we had read.
They told me that my efforts were disappointing, that my work “barely qualified” as critical writing. I think part of me died when I got that feedback. I got the impression, at least from the instructor who told me I barely qualified, that I had disrespected them on a professional and personal level. I come from a creative writing background, so I tend to inject personality and voice into whatever I write. Both my peers and other faculty I’ve discussed this feedback with agree that the paper (while definitely not fully formed) did not warrant that level of harshness, but it broke something in me.
I kept up for most of the second semester, but by the time those end-of-semester essays rolled around, I felt a writer’s block like I had never felt before. It wasn’t the sort that went away if I forced myself to write through it, like every other time I’d felt the block before. No, this was debilitating. I was paralyzed. I tried chipping away at it, and I tried tricking myself into writing by telling myself I was just taking notes. None of my old tricks worked, even that time-honored tradition of putting my back to the wall by waiting until the deadline and writing manic, anxiety-fueled bullshit. Every time I had ever faced something like this before—a mountain of writing that I didn’t want to do—I eventually slipped into gear and got it done.
It didn’t happen. For the first time in my life, I didn’t complete a final essay. I just couldn’t force myself to give a fuck. I couldn’t give a fuck about my work, about my grades, about my reputation at the university, about my future career, about my future continued existence. At some point, I became apathetic to my life and the world around me, but still, I pressed on because it was the only thing I thought I could do. One does not just get accepted into a fully-funded graduate program every day, you know, and I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on it so quickly. That’s what I was told, at least. Beyond that, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends and family and everyone who helped me get to grad school.
So I stuck with it, finished the essay and came back after the summer, and after forcing myself through the fall semester, I didn’t complete two final essays. My untreated burnout got worse. Imagine that! At the beginning of this semester, I made the decision to drop from the PhD track, cut my losses and get an MA. All I needed to do was finish one course this semester, one measly 25 page essay about the fucking kinetoscope, but I couldn’t do it. All I did this past semester was smoke myself stupid, play video games, and wish that I was dead. I spent months lying to my parents and my therapist, telling them both that while everything wasn’t fine, I was persevering and making progress. I’ve shared a little with my mom, now that I’m home and shit’s gone sideways, but all she did was cry and ask if I need to be taken to the ER. Nobody wants to make mom cry, and the last thing I fucking want is medical debt.
My deadline—the “missing this deadline will result in dismissal from the program” deadline—was today at noon, and I missed it. I have ten pages written, and I could finish it today if my brain wasn’t fucking broken, but instead I’ve written a confession to Reddit. I’ve emailed my DGS and will hear his verdict tomorrow morning, but honestly? I could fight for it, but don’t think I care anymore. I’ve been suffering for two years, and I don’t know if a master’s degree is worth it. This degree won’t make me happy—my depression brain says that nothing will, but I know that isn’t true. I wanted the MA so I could teach at a community college because that feels much closer to praxis than jerking off to Frantz Fanon until I get tenure, but I’m not even sure if I like teaching or if it was just the least of all evils I had to deal with as a grad student. (Lowkey, Fanon is probably the way to go if we’re jerking off to critical theorists, but I digress)
So Reddit, what do I do with my life? I’m a 25 year old burn out who 1) may have just lost their big shot at a slightly less worthless degree than the one they got in undergrad 2) just moved back in with their parents to a dead-end Midwest town 3) has few marketable skills and little job experience because they’ve been in academia hell for two years 4) has not had a relationship in even longer than that and 5) is generally a/pathetic.
Ending it isn’t on the table, so what do I do? Has anyone here gone through something like this? How can I rediscover my lust for life and letters? Where have you found your passion?
EDIT: forgot you needed two returns between paragraphs

Side/main character additions for my book Anastasius!
Hello everyone! I’m running something for my book that I’m sure you’ll enjoy! I’m writing a book titled Anastasius which is Greek for Renewal. But I was thinking of a fun way to raise money for the book and a fun way to interact with potential readers! So I was thinking, if I give the characters who will be in my book, perhaps there could be a fundraiser for this! It will be $10 USD per character and there is no limit to how many characters you’d like! I’ll post the sheet for each character and you can pick and choose which tribe you’d like create your own character! If you have anymore questions I’ll be happy to answer! I take payments through PayPal as it’s the only thing I understand how to use!
Creatures of Renewal:
As written by Wyvern Scholars
Amphiptere:
Amphipteres generally were said to have light-colored feathers like a sunrise, a serpentine body, bat-like wings with feathers covering most of the forearm and often greenish in coloration, and a long tail much like a wyvern's tail. Others are described as covered in feathers with a spiked tail, bird-like wings, and a beak-like snout.
These small dragons are known to go after smaller prey like rodents and birds, as their habitatsavanna's heat, leavingrests. However, large colonies have been known to live in constructed settlements. Still, any knowledge of a leader has yet to be discovered. It has been rumored that the Amphiptere changes leaders when either the current one dies or willingly gives up the position of tribal leader.
Habitat: Forests, Jungles, or the forested remnants of human cities.
Arctic Dragon:
These giant, wooly dragons stand five feet taller than the most significant polar bears; their powerful muscles and jet-black skin under their blueish-white fur dominate most northern regions. Human settlements are where they prowl, waiting for humans hidden in these desolate territories for the perfect time to strike. These areas are far too cold for most dragons. Still, the Arctic dragon has adapted to survive in these brutal conditions. However, females only move southwards when their young are ready to be born. Once the younglings are old enough to walk short distances independently, the mother and cub begin trekking back toward the tundra.
Diet: These dragons hunt down various arctic prey, ranging from the smallest Arctic hares to the giant whales. Anything these dragons can get their talons on is food to them. Although young Arctic dragons do not have the speed or endurance their parents have, they rely on their parents to bring them back something they can eat.
Coatyl: The most noticeable feature of Coatyls is the feathered wings. These wings comprise a humerus connected to a radius and an ulna connected to metacarpals. The wings of a Coatyl allow it to fly, which is the primary method of locomotion. In unbonded Coatyls, the scapulars and front feathers are dark green, the covert feathers are light yellow or tan, and the primary and secondary flight feathers are red. Coatyls have pressurized sacs in the back of the mouth of a highly volatile and slightly acidic chemical known as coatalic acid. When threatened, muscles surrounding these sacs contract, pushing the coatalic acid out of small holes in the mouth and spraying it. When it comes into contact with air, coatalic acid undergoes a chemical reaction that causes it to ignite and become highly adhesive, sticking to whatever it lands on.
Diet: Coatyls primarily prey on small rodents like mice or rats. Coatyls cannot bite or tear their food to pieces, so they instead swallow their prey whole. They can do this as the upper and lower jaws of a Coatyl are not rigidly attached and have multiple joints, allowing them to open their mouths wide enough to swallow prey whole. While digesting food, Coatyls will typically avoid trying to fly and will instead travel along the ground.
Habitat: These dragons are usually found in the same territories as the Amphiptere. However, these Coatyls have been seen further south in the rainforests due to being more of a tropical species. Their size makes them easy prey for larger animals if they are not careful.
Dragon:
The Western European kind, with four legs, two wings, and (usually) fiery breath. Depending on how the work classifies things, these may be the only ones called "dragons." Otherwise, they're typically called authentic, Western, or European dragons. The Western dragon tends to be massive and heavy, with sharp claws and bat-like wings. They are usually with reptile features but may also have fur or feathers. Sometimes dark colored but always shiny. Some have forked tongues, others crests, fringes, or some other adornment. It always has the ability to spew forth blazing fire and fumes. In the West, dragons live in caves or mountain dwellers and predators. Cave dweller dragons stay in the coldness of the dark most of the time. The caves, filled with fire and water, are easily guarded and located close to towns, where food is convenient. Mountain predators live in cave-riddled mountains that provide an invincible tower and protection.
Diet: Western dragons tend to be considered carnivores. They like meat, flesh, and blood as their primary food source and are too fussy about the source. Sheep, cows, oxen, lions, elephants, or even humans, anything of a reasonable size and with warm blood and flesh to feast on, are their primary food sources. However, dragons haven’t shown a preference for the age or gender of humans. One interesting thing to note is that although they eat the flesh, they have a particular taste for blood. Sometimes, when in need of a quick burst of energy, they will only drink the blood of their prey and leave the flesh. This is seen as barbaric by most other species of dragons. Still, with western dragons being the second largest species, we tend not to mess with them and their dietary habits.
Drake: The drake is a dragon with four limbs, much like a lizard, although usually far more significant in size than the average lizard. A potent example of a drake in the natural world is the Komodo Dragon, a large species of minotaur lizard in Indonesia. These creatures have low-slung bodies, like crocodiles and alligators, with bellies across the ground. However, due to their natural habitat and human greed, wild drakes have been increasingly difficult to get notes from and other scholars to talk with. Drakes who are found are highly hostile and not open much to talking, but with enough food and gold, these dragons could easily talk your ear off.
Diet: These family-oriented dragons hunt together in packs; their size and numbers are easily strong enough to take down small herds of water buffalo, wildebeests, elk, and moose.
Feydragons: These dragons are about the size of a cat, each having an iridescent coat of scales that reflected all colors of the rainbow, predominantly reflecting one particular color, which changed with age. They had a long, prehensile tail and platinum-colored, butterfly-like wings. Like true dragons, faerie dragons grew stronger with age but matured much more quickly and lived shorter lives. Because their predominant scale hue ran the colors of the rainbow over their lifetime, their color directly indicated their age and power. The scales of a young hatchling were almost always red, and those of a fully mature dragon (over 50 years old) were violet. Most dragons leave these small ones alone because it is not worth expending calories to catch these little critters. But these small dragons are known across the globe for their beautiful woven tapestries and the symphonies they create with their wings.
Diet: Their diet mainly consists of small bugs caught in the air, from trees and bushes, and off the ground. They also fed on fruits, berries, nectar, and butterflies, which they ate to get the color and look of their wings.
Sea Orc: A Sea Orc has no arms or legs. It sports fins on the top portion and every few meters across its body, including one long fin that runs from the bottom of its head to its tail. A Sea Orc has little in the way of bones; it slithers through the waters like a snake. This assists the Sea Orc in attacking its prey. Sea Orc eggs cannot be fertilized in deep water, and smaller Sea Orcs cannot survive the pressure. Adult Sea Orcs have to head to shallower waters to mate. It is believed that the Sea Orc typically goes to warmer climates for mating.
Female Sea Orcs lay their eggs at the shoreline, close enough to the surface to be safe from the environmental killers but far enough from the water line that the parents can still protect their offspring. The eggs will grow for several months and will be born after size months.
Diet: These massive beasts eat mostly fish and aquatic life, anything they can catch; on rare occasions, they will eat a dragon, but that only happens when a rowdy juvenile dragon decides to go after a Sea Orcs calf.
Wyvern: The Wyvern is about the same size as the Arctic dragon, though in weight, they are closer to their brother, the Drake. The Wyvern is a two-legged dragon with two wings. They are believed to be faster than the more enormous Dragon. Their head is large and round, and they have a more petite mouth than most dragons. The body is thick but with a soft underbelly. The tail of the Wyvern is the most deadly. It is long serpentlike with a large mass at the end. They can also have a load of spikes within the ball or a significant spike at the top. The Wyvern uses this ball as its primary weapon, capable of smashing through most creatures, including other dragon's scales.
For its size, the Wyvern holds a large amount of weight. Most of this weight is within its thick scales. Anyone who has fought a Wyvern will inform you that getting through their body is next to impossible. The scales overlap several times, and underneath them is a thin net of tissue that absorbs impact and is resistant to being cut.
Diet: Moose, Elk, and Caribou are everyday staples of a wyvern diet, although anything that moves fits the wyvern needs as they have to eat at least 400 pounds of food every three days.
Humans: Not much is left from humans after they destroyed themselves; greed took out most of them, and the explosions hurt the rest. Humans have flocked to their caves deep in the ground. Most dragons leave humans alone, but humans have tried to take back their world a few times, but us dragons have quickly stamped out those little uprisings. Although some dragons keep humans as pets, their crafty little grabbers are relatively good at crafting the little things they need. Some dragons keep them for wealth status, and others just eat them for a rare treat.
Prey animals: Not much needs to be said here; anything a dragon can catch and eat is a prey animal.

Hello everyone! I’m running something for my book that I’m sure you’ll enjoy! I’m writing a book titled Anastasius which is Greek for Renewal. But I was thinking of a fun way to raise money for the book and a fun way to interact with potential readers! So I was thinking, if I give the characters who will be in my book, perhaps there could be a fundraiser for this! It will be $10 USD per character and there is no limit to how many characters you’d like! I’ll post the sheet for each character and you can pick and choose which tribe you’d like create your own character! If you have anymore questions I’ll be happy to answer! I take payments through PayPal as it’s the only thing I understand how to use!
Creatures of Renewal:
As written by Wyvern Scholars
Amphiptere:
Amphipteres generally were said to have light-colored feathers like a sunrise, a serpentine body, bat-like wings with feathers covering most of the forearm and often greenish in coloration, and a long tail much like a wyvern's tail. Others are described as covered in feathers with a spiked tail, bird-like wings, and a beak-like snout.
These small dragons are known to go after smaller prey like rodents and birds, as their habitatsavanna's heat, leavingrests. However, large colonies have been known to live in constructed settlements. Still, any knowledge of a leader has yet to be discovered. It has been rumored that the Amphiptere changes leaders when either the current one dies or willingly gives up the position of tribal leader.
Habitat: Forests, Jungles, or the forested remnants of human cities.
Arctic Dragon:
These giant, wooly dragons stand five feet taller than the most significant polar bears; their powerful muscles and jet-black skin under their blueish-white fur dominate most northern regions. Human settlements are where they prowl, waiting for humans hidden in these desolate territories for the perfect time to strike. These areas are far too cold for most dragons. Still, the Arctic dragon has adapted to survive in these brutal conditions. However, females only move southwards when their young are ready to be born. Once the younglings are old enough to walk short distances independently, the mother and cub begin trekking back toward the tundra.
Diet: These dragons hunt down various arctic prey, ranging from the smallest Arctic hares to the giant whales. Anything these dragons can get their talons on is food to them. Although young Arctic dragons do not have the speed or endurance their parents have, they rely on their parents to bring them back something they can eat.
Coatyl: The most noticeable feature of Coatyls is the feathered wings. These wings comprise a humerus connected to a radius and an ulna connected to metacarpals. The wings of a Coatyl allow it to fly, which is the primary method of locomotion. In unbonded Coatyls, the scapulars and front feathers are dark green, the covert feathers are light yellow or tan, and the primary and secondary flight feathers are red. Coatyls have pressurized sacs in the back of the mouth of a highly volatile and slightly acidic chemical known as coatalic acid. When threatened, muscles surrounding these sacs contract, pushing the coatalic acid out of small holes in the mouth and spraying it. When it comes into contact with air, coatalic acid undergoes a chemical reaction that causes it to ignite and become highly adhesive, sticking to whatever it lands on.
Diet: Coatyls primarily prey on small rodents like mice or rats. Coatyls cannot bite or tear their food to pieces, so they instead swallow their prey whole. They can do this as the upper and lower jaws of a Coatyl are not rigidly attached and have multiple joints, allowing them to open their mouths wide enough to swallow prey whole. While digesting food, Coatyls will typically avoid trying to fly and will instead travel along the ground.
Habitat: These dragons are usually found in the same territories as the Amphiptere. However, these Coatyls have been seen further south in the rainforests due to being more of a tropical species. Their size makes them easy prey for larger animals if they are not careful.
Dragon:
The Western European kind, with four legs, two wings, and (usually) fiery breath. Depending on how the work classifies things, these may be the only ones called "dragons." Otherwise, they're typically called authentic, Western, or European dragons. The Western dragon tends to be massive and heavy, with sharp claws and bat-like wings. They are usually with reptile features but may also have fur or feathers. Sometimes dark colored but always shiny. Some have forked tongues, others crests, fringes, or some other adornment. It always has the ability to spew forth blazing fire and fumes. In the West, dragons live in caves or mountain dwellers and predators. Cave dweller dragons stay in the coldness of the dark most of the time. The caves, filled with fire and water, are easily guarded and located close to towns, where food is convenient. Mountain predators live in cave-riddled mountains that provide an invincible tower and protection.
Diet: Western dragons tend to be considered carnivores. They like meat, flesh, and blood as their primary food source and are too fussy about the source. Sheep, cows, oxen, lions, elephants, or even humans, anything of a reasonable size and with warm blood and flesh to feast on, are their primary food sources. However, dragons haven’t shown a preference for the age or gender of humans. One interesting thing to note is that although they eat the flesh, they have a particular taste for blood. Sometimes, when in need of a quick burst of energy, they will only drink the blood of their prey and leave the flesh. This is seen as barbaric by most other species of dragons. Still, with western dragons being the second largest species, we tend not to mess with them and their dietary habits.
Drake: The drake is a dragon with four limbs, much like a lizard, although usually far more significant in size than the average lizard. A potent example of a drake in the natural world is the Komodo Dragon, a large species of minotaur lizard in Indonesia. These creatures have low-slung bodies, like crocodiles and alligators, with bellies across the ground. However, due to their natural habitat and human greed, wild drakes have been increasingly difficult to get notes from and other scholars to talk with. Drakes who are found are highly hostile and not open much to talking, but with enough food and gold, these dragons could easily talk your ear off.
Diet: These family-oriented dragons hunt together in packs; their size and numbers are easily strong enough to take down small herds of water buffalo, wildebeests, elk, and moose.
Feydragons: These dragons are about the size of a cat, each having an iridescent coat of scales that reflected all colors of the rainbow, predominantly reflecting one particular color, which changed with age. They had a long, prehensile tail and platinum-colored, butterfly-like wings. Like true dragons, faerie dragons grew stronger with age but matured much more quickly and lived shorter lives. Because their predominant scale hue ran the colors of the rainbow over their lifetime, their color directly indicated their age and power. The scales of a young hatchling were almost always red, and those of a fully mature dragon (over 50 years old) were violet. Most dragons leave these small ones alone because it is not worth expending calories to catch these little critters. But these small dragons are known across the globe for their beautiful woven tapestries and the symphonies they create with their wings.
Diet: Their diet mainly consists of small bugs caught in the air, from trees and bushes, and off the ground. They also fed on fruits, berries, nectar, and butterflies, which they ate to get the color and look of their wings.
Sea Orc: A Sea Orc has no arms or legs. It sports fins on the top portion and every few meters across its body, including one long fin that runs from the bottom of its head to its tail. A Sea Orc has little in the way of bones; it slithers through the waters like a snake. This assists the Sea Orc in attacking its prey. Sea Orc eggs cannot be fertilized in deep water, and smaller Sea Orcs cannot survive the pressure. Adult Sea Orcs have to head to shallower waters to mate. It is believed that the Sea Orc typically goes to warmer climates for mating.
Female Sea Orcs lay their eggs at the shoreline, close enough to the surface to be safe from the environmental killers but far enough from the water line that the parents can still protect their offspring. The eggs will grow for several months and will be born after size months.
Diet: These massive beasts eat mostly fish and aquatic life, anything they can catch; on rare occasions, they will eat a dragon, but that only happens when a rowdy juvenile dragon decides to go after a Sea Orcs calf.
Wyvern: The Wyvern is about the same size as the Arctic dragon, though in weight, they are closer to their brother, the Drake. The Wyvern is a two-legged dragon with two wings. They are believed to be faster than the more enormous Dragon. Their head is large and round, and they have a more petite mouth than most dragons. The body is thick but with a soft underbelly. The tail of the Wyvern is the most deadly. It is long serpentlike with a large mass at the end. They can also have a load of spikes within the ball or a significant spike at the top. The Wyvern uses this ball as its primary weapon, capable of smashing through most creatures, including other dragon's scales.
For its size, the Wyvern holds a large amount of weight. Most of this weight is within its thick scales. Anyone who has fought a Wyvern will inform you that getting through their body is next to impossible. The scales overlap several times, and underneath them is a thin net of tissue that absorbs impact and is resistant to being cut.
Diet: Moose, Elk, and Caribou are everyday staples of a wyvern diet, although anything that moves fits the wyvern needs as they have to eat at least 400 pounds of food every three days.
Humans: Not much is left from humans after they destroyed themselves; greed took out most of them, and the explosions hurt the rest. Humans have flocked to their caves deep in the ground. Most dragons leave humans alone, but humans have tried to take back their world a few times, but us dragons have quickly stamped out those little uprisings. Although some dragons keep humans as pets, their crafty little grabbers are relatively good at crafting the little things they need. Some dragons keep them for wealth status, and others just eat them for a rare treat.
Prey animals: Not much needs to be said here; anything a dragon can catch and eat is a prey animal.

What this is: I've been writing about prompting for a few months on my free personal blog, but I felt that some of the ideas might be useful to people building with AI over here too. People seemed to enjoy the last post I shared, so, I'm sharing another one! This one's about how to get consistent output formats out of the more "stubborn" open-source models. Tell me what you think!
This version has been edited for Reddit, including removing self-promotional links like share and subscribe links. You can find the original post here
One of the great advantages of (most) open-source models has always been the relative ease with which you can get them to follow a given output format. If you just read that sentence and wondered if we’re living in the same universe, then I’ll share a prompting secret right off the bat: the key to getting consistent behavior out of smaller open-source models is to give them at least two carefully crafted few-shot examples. With that, something like Nous Mixtral will get it right 95% of the time, which is good enough if you have validation that can catch mistakes.
But unfortunately not all models can learn from examples. I typically call these “Stubborn” models due to this post I wrote about Mistral Next (large) and Mistral Medium. Basically I’m referring to model that were deliberately overtrained to make them better in chat and zero-shot settings, but inflexible, because they often “pay more attention to” their training data than the prompt. The difference between a “stubborn” model and a non-stubborn model, in my definition, is that with two or a few more few-shot examples a non-stubborn model will pick up basically everything and even directly quote the examples at times, whereas a stubborn one will often follow the patterns it was trained with, or take aspects of the given pattern, but disobey it in others. As far as I can tell stubborness is a matter of RLHF, not parameter count or SFT: Nous Hermes Mixtral is not stubborn, but the official Mixtral Instruct is.
Needless to say, for complex pipelines where you want extremely fine control over outputs, non-stubborn models are infinitely superior. To this day, Mistral Large has a far higher error rate in Augmentoolkit (probably >20%) compared to Nous Mixtral. Despite Mistral large costing 80% of GPT-4 Turbo. This may be an imprecise definition based partly on my intuition, but from experience, I think it’s real. Anyway, if non-stubborn models are far better than stubborn ones for most professional usecases (if you know what you’re doing when it comes to examples) then why am I writing a blog post about how to prompt stubborn models? Well, sometimes in life you don’t get to use the tools you want. For instance, maybe you’re working for a client who has more Mistral credits than God, and you absolutely need to use that particular API. You can’t afford to be a stick in the mud when working in a field that reinvents itself every other day, so I recently went and figured out some principles for prompting stubborn models. One thing that I’ve used a lot recently is the idea of repetition. I kinda blogged about it here, and arguably this one is also about it, but this is kind-of a combination of the two principles so I’ll go over it. If you don’t want to click the links, the two principles we’re combining are: “models see bigger things easier,” and “what you repeat, will be repeated.” Prompting is like quantum theory: any superposition of two valid prompting principles is itself a valid prompting principle. Here’s a valid prompting example:

You are an expert something-doer AI. I need you to do X Y and Z it’s very important. I know your training data told you to do ABCDEFG but please don’t.

That’s a prompt. Sometimes the AI will be nice:

XYZ

Often it will not be:

XABCDEFG.

Goddamn it. How do you solve this when working with a stubborn model that learned more from its training dataset, where [input] corresponded to ABCDEFG?
Repetition, Repetition, Repetiton. Also, Repetition. And don’t forget, Repetiton. (get it?) If the model pays more attention to its prompt and less to its examples (but is too stupid to pick up on is telling it to do the thing once), then we’ll darn well use the prompt to tell it what we want it to do.

You are an expert something-doer AI. I need you to do X Y and Z it’s very important. I know your training data told you to do ABCDEFG but please don’t.

[output format description]

Don’t forget to do XYZ.
User:
[example input]
SPECIAL NOTE: Don’t forget XYZ.
Assistant:
XYZ
User:
[example input]
SPECIAL NOTE: Don’t forget XYZ.
Assistant:
XYZ
User:
[the actual input]
SPECIAL NOTE: Don’t forget XYZ.

AI:

XYZ

Yay!
It’s simple but I’ve used this to resolve probably over a dozen issues already over many different projects with models ranging from Mistral-Large to GPT-4 Turbo. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do when revising prompts — I can’t believe I haven’t explicitly blogged about it yet, since this is one of the first things I realized about prompting, way back before I’d even made Augmentoolkit.
But that’s not really revolutionary, after all it’s just combining two principles. What about the titular thing of this blog post, getting a stubborn model to write with a given output format?
This one is partly inspired by a comment on a LocalLlama post. I don’t agree with everything in it, but there’s some really good stuff in there, full credit to LoSboccacc. They write in their comment:

Ask the model to rephrase the prompt, you will see quickly which part of the prompt misunderstood

That’s a pretty clever idea by itself, because it uses the model to debug itself. But what does this have to do with output formats? Well, if we can use the model to understand what the model is capable of, then any LLM output can give us a clue into what it “understands”. Consider that, when prompting stubborn models and trying to get them to follow our specific output format, their tendency to follow some other format (that they likely saw in their training data) is what we’re trying to override with our prompt. However, research shows that training biases cannot be fully overcome with prompting, so we’re already fighting a losing battle. And if you’re an experienced reader of mine, you’ll remember a prompting principle: if you’re fighting the model, STOP!
So what does that tangent above boil down to? If you want to find an output format a stubborn model will easily follow, see what format it uses without you asking, and borrow that. In other words: use the format the model wants to use. From my testing, it looks like this can easily get your format-following rates up to over 90% at least.
Here’s an example. Say you create a brilliant output format, and give a prompt to a model:

You are a something-doer. Do something in the following format:

x: abc

y: def
z: ghi
User:
[input]
Assistant:

But it thwarts your master-plan by doing this instead:

What do you do? Well one solution is to throw more few-shot examples of your xyz format at it. And depending on the model, that might work. But some stubborn models are, well, stubborn. And so even with repetition and examples you might see error rates of 40% or above. Even with things like Mistral Large or GPT-4 Turbo.
In such cases, just use the format the model wants. Yes, it might not have all the clever tricks you had thought of in order to get exactly the kind of output you want. Yes, it’s kind-of annoying to have to surrender to a bunch of matrices. Yes, if you were using Nous Mixtral, this would have all been over by the second example and you could’ve gone home by now. But you’re not using Nous Mixtral, you’re using Mistral Large. So it might be better to just suck it up and use 1. 2. 3. as your output format instead.
That’s all for this week. Hope you enjoyed the principles. Sorry for the delay.
Thanks for reading, have a good one and I’ll see you next time!
(Side note: the preview at the bottom of this post is undoubtably the result of one of the posts linked in the text. I can't remove it. Sorry for the eyesore. Also this is meant to be an educational thing so I flaired it as tutorial/guide, but mods please lmk if it should be flaired as self-promotion instead? Thanks.)

The United States has seen some whopping mishaps and scandals in the oil and gas industry over the years, from Teapot Dome in the 1920s to the collapse of Enron in 2001 and the Deepwater Horizon, Exxon-Valdez and Santa Barbara oil spills.
However, the largest, most egregious and most profoundly damaging scandal is still underway.
The unholy alliance between America’s governments and the fossil fuel industry has been going on for decades, undeterred and unpunished. Federal and state governments subsidize and facilitate the production and consumption of oil, natural gas and coal despite knowing these products are permanently damaging life on a planetary scale.
Many of our elected officials have participated in a carbon cartel that has blocked effective climate action. U.S. scientists began warning in the 1950s that fossil fuels were changing the climate. Yet fossil fuels still provide about 80 percent of U.S. energy, and America has become the world’s biggest oil and gas producer.
The Teapot Dome scandal involved oil industry bribes of a single public official. Today, the oil industry can influence elected officials with unlimited campaign contributions, unrelenting lobbying, and expensive advertising campaigns to burnish the industry’s image.
Open Secrets reports that the oil and gas industry spent over a trillion dollars on election campaigns between 1990 and last month. Between 1990 and 2020, five big oil companies reportedly spent at least $3.6 billion on advertising. While scientists have determined that most of the world’s underground reserves of fossil fuels must remain, the U.S. oil and gas industry keeps drilling, netting an average of $2.8 billion a day over the last 50 years, according to Statista, a data analysis firm. Statista says the industry made more than a trillion dollars annually for much of the past decade.
The industry could have invested these enormous outlays and profits to lead the world’s clean-energy transition. Instead, it has conducted a long campaign to deceive policymakers and the American people and intimidate critics.
For its part, Congress has done virtually nothing to phase out fossil fuels with mandates or market forces. It continues giving the industry billions of dollars in yearly tax breaks that promote oil and gas production. It allows the industry to “externalize” more than $750 billion in social and environmental damages. The damages are not reflected in the market price of these fuels, making it hard for clean alternatives to compete. In 2022, the hidden costs amounted to $2,243 for every man, woman and child in the United States. Congress had an opportunity to correct this market “imperfection” with carbon pricing in 2003, 2005, 2007 and 2009. But it failed to act.
So, Americans pay for fossil fuels four times: first through tax subsidies, second in energy bills, third with health care and environmental cleanup costs, and fourth with the rapidly growing costs of climate-induced disasters.
Before industrialization began, the concentration of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere was 280 parts per million (ppm). In the 1980s, it reached 350 ppm, still considered safe. Despite international promises to cut CO2 pollution, scientists expect the concentration to reach nearly 427 ppm this year, higher than it has been in millions of years.
The industry’s deceit and obfuscation is well documented, and a congressional investigation has just confirmed it. But some of the industry’s most recent are worth noting.
For example, oil and gas companies frequently sue environmental organizations (so-called SLAPP suits) that oppose even free speech and assembly. Researchers at Duke University reported as long ago as 1993, “A pattern is emerging across the United States in which citizens and local community groups are being sued for what has long been considered ‘ordinary’ public participation.” SLAPP lawsuits rarely prevail in court, but the industry uses them to intimidate and drain the resources of environmental organizations.
Exxon is even suing some investors who want it to adopt more aggressive climate-stabilization policies. A spokesman for one of the investment groups explains it wants only to “safeguard the long-term future of the company and the global economy in view of the climate crisis.”
Oil-producing states have joined this litigation strategy. North Dakota, Texas, Montana and Wyoming have sued the U.S. Interior Department over a rule to reduce methane leaks, a potent greenhouse gas, from oil and gas operations. Yet new research at Stanford University shows natural gas infrastructure leaks three times more methane than the Environmental Protection Agency estimates. Researchers say economic and public health costs amount to $10 billion annually.
Over the last six years, states, cities, counties and tribal nations have countered with at least 32 lawsuits against oil majors to seek compensation for climate-related damages or penalties for deceptive business practices. The industry tied these suits up for years over jurisdictional issues.
In the meantime, oil producers are engaged in public relations games over their role in climate change. Major producers jumped aboard the “net zero carbon” wagon when oil prices were low, but they backed away and made record-breaking profits when prices rose. Their production plans belie their net-zero promises. “Exxon touts its support for the Paris Agreement while at the same time boasting to investors that it will increase oil and gas production 25 percent by 2030, a scenario that would be game over for the climate,” the Center for Climate Integrity explains.
Oil majors reportedly donate hundreds of millions of dollars to leading universities “to build relationships that could help the industry avoid taking climate action.” And Exxon CEO Darren Woods is trying to shift the blame for climate change to energy consumers. “The people generating the emissions need to be aware of and pay the price for generating those emissions,” he told an interviewer. As Grist explains, “Oil companies make the case that it’s a demand problem – as long as people are driving cars, and thus demanding fossil fuels, then they have to keep producing the gas.”
Democrats in Congress just issued the results of a 2.5-year investigation that found the oil and gas industry has deceived investors, Congress and the American people in a long covert operation of “deception, disinformation and doublespeak” using “dark money, phony front groups, false economic and relentless exertion of political influence to block climate progress.” These findings warrant an investigation by the Justice Department to determine whether the industry broke any laws, including those against racketeering.
But that’s not likely to happen before the election. It’s up to voters to end this scandal by electing a president, Congress and legislators who support policies like these:
Put a price on carbon, as Europe has done. Its emission trading regime produced a 15.5 percent cut in carbon emissions from polluting industries and power plants last year and a 47 percent reduction since 2005, when emissions trading began. End federal tax subsidies for fossil fuel production. Stop leasing public lands for fossil-energy production and suspend all unused leases. Codify state and national “just transition” plans to end all but the most essential fossil energy production in the United States. As U.S. Rep. Jamie Raskin put it, the industry’s greed has led us to a “civilizational emergency,” the threshold of a world where suffocating heat, floods, storm surges, wildfires, drought and rising seas are the norm. And unless we stop Big Oil’s scam, we will cross the threshold with no way back.
William Becker is executive director of the Presidential Climate Action Project (PCAP), a nonpartisan initiative founded in 2007 that works with national thought leaders to develop recommendations on national climate and energy policies. He is a former senior official at the U.S. Department of Energy.

Conspiracy theories involving “elite” pedophile rings have recently been dominating social media in a disorienting frenzy. They have been around for some time but in this century rose back to popularity during the 2016 Election cycle. This crop, at least, took root with what became known as “Pizzagate.” Promoters of that conspiracy theory in 2016 used social media platforms to make unfounded but viral allegations that Hillary Clinton and other prominent Democrats were running a pedophile ring out of the basement of a pizzeria even though that restaurant had no basement, or any ties to known politicians other than the typical flesh pressing (Phrasing I know) moments fit for a picture hung on the wall. Since then, the dark theme of Pizzagate has found new life with permutations forming part of the #Qanon conspiracy theory, incorporated under the umbrella term “pedogate.” The gist of the #pedogate conspiracy theory is that global elites (politicians, celebrities, and wealthy businesspersons) are covertly involved in a far-reaching ring that uses young children for sexual purposes. “What most of these conspiracy theories involve in one way or another is laying accusations of pedophilia or involvement in pedophile rings at the feet of people that they despise or hate, and during the 16’ election cycle, Democrats were a wide target for an opposing political movement that had hijacked the rival Republican party. Pizzagate originated with the “alt right” and “alt lite,” far right extremists who range from outright white supremacists to those who publicly shun racists but otherwise fall in step with their belief systems. Pizzagate jumped from the fringes to the mainstream because as it denigrated Hillary Clinton, it sucked in supporters of then-candidate Donald Trump. After the election all mention of pedogate seemed to be put on a simmer while other National outrages boiled over (#Covid #RussiaGate #BLM) and just like clockwork (heading into our next election cycle has been turned back up. The pedogate conspiracy and all associated stories employ a centuries-old tactic: playing on deep-seated human anxieties by conjuring images of imperiled children, the purest and defenseless victim of any manner of injustice. An example in the modern era of weaponized conspiracy was the satanic panic of the 1980s, in which a wave of hysteria over alleged child molestation at daycare centers swept the nation. But while that phenomenon was a moral panic attributable, at least in part, to social anxiety over white middle class women entering the work force en masse for the first time and entrusting their children to others, the current conspiracy theories about pedophile rings equate to similar propaganda. They carry a danger for stirring up violence. If you want to elicit violent action the way to do it is through hate and fear. Once you target and label a population as pedophiles, you can do anything you like to that population with full excuse being given to the myth you’ve wrapped around it. That’s not to say fears of child abuse or sex trafficking are unfounded. There are many as pedophilia has ancient roots and in many cases was encourage by many world cultures and religions a lot later into Civilization than we’d like to admit. The International Labor Organization reports that 25 percent of the world’s 40.3 million victims of human trafficking are children. The most vulnerable, according to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, are migrants, runaways, the homeless, and youngsters who have been victims of violence. Despite their obsession over the topic, conspiracy followers aren’t worked up about those children who are in true harm’s way. In the world of propaganda, it’s never about real children. Instead, it’s about what children represent. The children imperiled by conspiracy theories, in other words, are only metaphors. Children carry a vast amount of weight in any society, but especially modern ones when they’re expected to survive past the age of five. It wasn’t as intense before the 18th century when child mortality rates were really high. They represent the future, and all that is beautiful and decent and honest in a society, because they are innocent. For most people also, the meaning of their existence is rooted in their children. Children are eschatological, they represent death for us, and what is coming behind us after we are gone. They also represent the threat of loss, if they disappear, if they die, that is the death of society. That’s why they became so crucial and central to Cold War propaganda. The real terror of the nuclear holocaust would be the death of the children, because that’s the death of everyone. A recent example of this is in a recent police investigation into conspiracy claims of PizzaGate style accusation of Portland’s Voodoo Doughnuts. Detectives attempted to contact the person accusing Voodoo Doughnuts on social media of running a pedophile ring. The accuser did not cooperate with investigators and it’s been documented in other coverage online that they had become agitated and accused the Police with complicity when tracked down in person, even though they were attempting to investigate. The pendulum of conspiracy theories about systematic child abuse has swung back and forth for centuries. Examples such as blood libel, when Jewish communities were attacked over false allegations of murdering and consuming Christian children in the Middle Ages. In Europe, During the Thirty Years War, entire villages were put to the sword because it was believed they were abusing children of the other religions. One characteristic that helps Pizzagate-style conspiracy theories gain popularity is that they function like a puzzle game and give its audience a large level of involvement through social media. A lot of conspiracy theories are oracular, where the information comes from one source an oracle. Then there are others where there are a few people who promote the notions, almost like gurus or a conspiracy priesthood. But Pizzagate, it’s more of what one would call a participatory conspiracy theory. Participatory conspiracy theories lay out a scenario or situation and then they ask their audience, ‘what more can you find out about this, what more can you add?’ It turns the audience into willing participants, some knowing they are creating a destructive madlib and other (potential real victims) caking on mystical distraction to issues that have been unreported or scars that have not bee properly treated. The thing about participatory conspiracy theories is it can really create a devoted following because it gives people something to do, it makes them feel they can solve the whole thing or uncover new aspects to it. Once you get that energy going it’s almost self-sustaining. Followers of the Qanon conspiracy theory, call themselves “bakers” because their protagonist “Q” pops up on Internet message boards and leaves “crumbs” (i.e., clues), and they are tasked with picking up the crumbs in order to solve the puzzle. (“Q” is supposed to reference the character’s government security clearance level).
#Q followers believe an even more incoherent version of Pizzagate. This is largely a right-wing fantasy that originated in a series of incoherent posts on #4chan in 2017 by someone calling themselves #QAnon. Following on the heels of similar idiocy such as Pizzagate, it advances a fantastic web of deceit that wraps up Trumpism, deep state fearmongering, evil, satanic pedophilia rings controlled by the Democratic Party, investigations into Russian meddling in the 2016 US election, the Las Vegas shooting, and New World Order paranoia into a package easily and wholeheartedly promoted by internet cesspools and far-right personalities such as Alex Jones. The premise is that President Trump is secretly working to take down a global ring of elite, cannibalistic, satanic pedophiles. And the investigation into Russian meddling into the 2016 election, led by former FBI director Robert Mueller, is actually an investigation into the so-called “deep state”, where a cabal of evil, globalists, including Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, are responsible for everything from a global pedophile ring to the mass shooting in Las Vegas in 2017. According to the enlightened, when Trump awkwardly took a drink from a bottle of Fiji water at a press conference in November 2017, it wasn’t because he was thirsty; it was actually a secret signal to those in the know that the annihilation of deep state pedophiles had begun (or was about to begin). Because as everyone knows, Fiji is a hot spot for child trafficking. ( I could go on and on with this poorly thought-out shit, I will spare you ) The role the Internet and social media play in helping to spread such insanity can’t be underestimated. Just a few decades earlier, conspiracy theorists would identify each other using letters to the editor printed in newspapers and magazines. It was a lot harder to identify your fellow conspiracy theorists. You would have to physically meet to swap your stories or send letters or call. They would set up these groups that would communicate by newsletter. They would meet in a physical space, like someone’s living room. I personally witnessed people from my childhood, dutifully photocopying newsletters they had received in the mail to give to others (Primarily at my #JW congregation, how ironic). Now obviously it can go much more quickly, because you can identity people immediately. You can quickly share ideas and the data you’ve collected. The Internet allows such people to exist in bubbles where they rarely have their beliefs challenged. The extraordinarily polarized society we’re in right now has made people less willing to seek out other view points. Because of the internet you have less chance of doing this. There’s very little incentive to look outside one’s own bubble once they have become invested in a conspiracy theory. Once you start to act out on those behaviors you are forced to double down by repeating the act to prove it was a just act. Eventually you get caught up in a movement that totally defines your conscious and you can’t get out of it. The second you step out of that world view your actions go back to being reprehensible. Now the question becomes, “What’s the harm? If it sheds light on child abuse, then isn’t it still productive?” The answer in this case is a resounding NO. In my opinion and PAINFUL experience, the root cause and sustaining factors of institutionalized child sex abuse are all things that would counter your typical Conspiracy Nut’s world view, thus causing a complete blackout to the problems. The entity taking part in the harming of children on a local and tangible level aren’t some suit and tie wearing global elitist. It’s a guidance counselor, youth pastor, unvetted young substitute teacher, aunt/uncle/cousin/neighbor. It’s anyone who has been given routine private access to a child’s mind and body because of the social conventions that have been protected for generations by our relatives whether they themselves are guilty of abuse or not. In all the Qanon madness I also kept very close tabs on the pending prosecution of the Boy scouts of America and never saw any widely shared memes about their involvement in the abuse syndicate. Why is this? How is this so? Aren’t these people watching the news, seeing the court records and hearing the individual cases being brought against Scout Leaders (SOME OF WHO RAN THEIR OWN NETWORKS!!)? When I would find mention of accusation it was met with the ever scarce “skepticism” because if the media is covering it, it must be a plot to destroy the organization. There are now non-for profit organizations setting up victim funds and protections for people to come out with their stories and somehow THIS is the fake ruse. Some that know me know that I was a Jehovah’s Witness as a youth/teen/young adult. That chapter of my life could fill many chapters and the research on the organization, the real true black and white history of the religion would honestly surprise you. I saw what I now know was abuse, I personally experienced abuse in many forms. The perpetrators involved are either still Witnesses or are dead or have moved “away from the organization”. But one thing that was left intact in each situation was the secret that they prey on children. The parents, these organizations and the collective promise to keep up appearances are directly to blame for the suffering untold thousands, millions of children and broken adults. All for what? Pride and Vanity and a commitment to all involved to protect them from the “mean old world” despite allowing predators to eat their children from within. Being a #JW was a very interesting experience. It provides a very efficient form of insulation from outside society and allows people involved to view the chaos from afar. There is this persistent (albeit false) sense of shared peace that members have. It’s as though for three days a week you go to this meeting where no matter what, everyone has a smile and feels about things EXACTLY how you do. There is no cursing, there are no politics, there surely isn’t any destructive influences that would tarnish your chances of salvation. For a parent this is a refuge when raising a child in a world that is dangerously unpredictable. A Child that you are unable (or unwilling) to teach coping skills to get along by societal standards, A child you want to protect by hiding. This is problem #1. As an adult the congregation presents an avenue for which you can act and behave in a way that allows you to reconcile your past, a way to have less of those nights awake because you think about past wrongs you’ve committed against people. It’s the proverbial band-aid for a guilty, bruised, destroyed conscious of any size. Coming into the organization takes nothing more than the desire to change, publicly declaring your willingness to hand over your life to God (The organization). Bam, You’re in! No credit check, no background check. This is problem #2. A JW is taught that “every facet is an asset” (Ministerial Servants know what I’m talking about). What this means is that every facet of your life is an asset to the organization to spread its word. If the world see’s their product’s application into your life and thereby how much better it is than a normal person’s, then they’ve made an “Effective Witness” to the world. This causes Witnesses of any age to allow almost every facet of their life to be a tool by the organization. For a parent this includes their children. This is problem #3 When you get a culture that insulates itself from the real world, that allows you to enter without any coherent vetting, give access to children whose parents feel obligated to present as a “witness” to the lifestyle. You get a twisted corridor in which victims can get lost for a lifetime and predators can hide in plain sight. For any proponents of the “Save-The-Children” movement to not take a step back and really analyze their local community and lifestyle through these lenses only illustrates that child abuse is being weaponized politically at the expense of others whom you aren’t willing to save because it would look bad for ‘your side’. If you truly care, you wouldn’t be sharing email forwards about what evil unverified unmentionable thing you read some celebrity or politician did. Instead, you’d be drawing back on your experiences as a child. Even if nothing happened directly to you, I’m sure you know some one that had an experience that forever harmed their life. Who did it? Was there a pattern or social condition that allowed for this as was laid out in the JW example? How could it have been avoided? Would you have stopped it if you saw the signs? Are you willing to stop it in the future, knowing what you know now? If you can answer any of those questions with a yes, then you have all you need to WRITE your own material to reach real victims and their families. Does your action cause problems for your ‘side’? It shouldn’t matter and you know that. If it does make a difference to you then you are no better than the shadowy pedophilic cabal that you are so obsessed with.

So this is a long one. Like, I'm going back over it and damn. This is longer than I thought it would be. Throwaway account, I've only made one other post to this relating to what's going on. Instead of updating the other post, I figured I'd make a separate one about the whole shit show I experienced, and the shit circus I uncovered and avoided. I'll try to keep this in as chronological an order as I can.
As the title says, my abusive/narc mom and pos/delusional/golden child brother started trying to reach out to me a few months ago wanting to make amends and build bridges with me again. There were a few people that commented on my previous post in another subreddit that may be a little disappointed in me for how I handled this, and a few that might enjoy that I handled it the way I did. Someone commented to not let them use my good nature. My nature is dependent on who I'm dealing with, and when it comes to that side of my family, I'm more stick than carrot. So their attempts did not go ignored, and did not go unpunished.
Growing up, I was always closer with my Dad than my mom. My brother was the epitome of "pampered mamma's boy". He started having seizures as a child and was diagnosed with epilepsy, which I thought was why my mom babied the absolute fuck out of him long into adulthood. He would go a year or 2 without any seizures, and then there would be a few months where he'd be having them every other day. At Anytime he got in trouble at home or school, my mom would find a way to blame me, for not making sure he knew whatever he was doing would get him in trouble, or she would blame my dad for not being "involved enough in their baby's life." My dad was in the Navy and I remember any time he'd deploy, I'd dread every day until he came back. My brother would taunt me that he knew whatever he did, I'd be the one to get in trouble for it. My dad would always make things up for me when he got back from his deployments though. We'd often have weekend trips just the 2 of us. And then around my 12th birthday, my mom insisted on sitting us all down and explain to that she and my dad were getting a divorce. We got the whole talk about how they still love us and they just can't be together anymore, etc. my dad told us both that he still loved us and he would be there for us whenever we needed him. He explained that he would be moving out, but he would be by to pick us up to spend the weekends with us. I was nervous and honestly scared of what it would be like without him. But I was looking forward to the weekend when I got to see him again. That never happened though, and that was the last time I ever got to see him.
Right before his weekend with us, my mom explained to us that my dad didn't want anything to do with us anymore. There was some news story about a father that killed his kids when he had custody of them and she used that to terrify my brother and convince him that our dad wanted to kill us to start his life over. We left damn near everything behind and moved in with my mom's brother in Florida (from Virginia) a couple days before my dad was supposed to come get us. After that, she went to great lengths to make sure we had no contact from him.
Years went on, my mom seemed more indifferent towards me than ever. She never seemed interested in anything I did unless my brother also seemed interested in it. She didn't show any interest in my wanting to learn guitar until my brother also showed interest in it. Then we got one guitar that we had to share, I'd take lessons on the condition that I taught my brother whatever I learned in them. My brother eventually wound up breaking the guitar and I was blamed for not storing it in the case it came with. I had to share my N64 with him whenever he wanted to play it. I was playing perfect dark one day and having a hard time killing the skedar leader at the end of the game. My brother burst into the room saying he wanted to play his MegaMan game, to which I just replied "give me a minute, this boss fight is hard, once I'm done you can have your turn" He didn't like that. He left the room and came back with a hammer and smashed the console while I was still playing. My fault for not letting him play it. The only thing I had that he could not use was a pair of roller blades my aunt got me for my 14th birthday. I specifically asked for roller blades to get around instead of a bike because my brother and I had different shoe sizes, so he couldn't wear them Because of constant shit like that, I never really put much value in having things growing up. I didnt want to buy something or get something as a gift just to have it fucked up in a few weeks or months. At some point, my "little" brother became the larger one, so my clothes all became "hand-me-ups" as he outgrew everything. So, because I didn't really have any distractions at home, I turned into a high achieving student, rarely got in trouble. made the honor roll all throughout school. But that wasn't something to celebrate as it was expected of me. I had long since decided that I was moving out as soon as I could once I turn 18. I got a job working at a Walgreens as soon as I could and started saving up for a car. My mom however took issue with this and would never agree to take me looking for one and absolutely refused to ever have it put on her insurance. This is where my Aunt comes in. She and her son are the only 2 on my mom's side that aren't some sort of degenerate. She had her son young, but put herself through college while raising him alone and eventually got her MBA and a cushy upper corporate job. She told me to tell my mom I had to go in to work on one of my days off, that she would pick me up and she would take me car shopping. So that's what we did. I couldn't quite afford a cash car, but she helped me with the financing. I put down what I had as the down payment, the arrangement she made with me was that 1- as long as I was in school, she would cover the insurance and payments for me, however, if I got into an accident, I was responsible for paying the deductable. And 2- as long as i was living with my mom, the car remained in her (Aunt's) name. And if anything happened to it, to let her know so she could get the appropriate authorities involved. My mom was PISSED when she found out I now had a car. Her reasoning (that she said in front of my aunt) was that she didn't think it was fair for one of us-either me or my brother- to have something the other couldn't use. Due to him being 13 and having epilepsy, he couldn't drive, so why should i have a car if my brother doesn't? That turned into a long shouting match between my mom and Aunt that basically ended with my aunt explaining that since it was her car, and all paperwork on her name, I was just on the insurance for it so I could drive it. But if anything at all happened to it while I was living at my Mom's, that the police and insurance companies would get involved. My mom still kept track of all the miles on the car to "make sure I was only going to work and school and wherever she told me I could go". Most of the time, when I hung out with friends, I wasn't the one driving. From that that point though, my mindset was very much "keep my head down and nose clean until I can leave." I graduated a month before my 18th birthday. After graduation, my mom and i got into an argument about me contributing to her bills. I eventually dropped the ball that I planned on getting back in touch with my Dad and leaving. She started laughing. Something about that laugh made me really uncomfortable. She then said "well, you can certainly meet up with him whenever you want! I'll supply the gun if you buy the bullet!" And told me my dad had died when I was 15. That. Fucking. Broke. Me. Later that night, i called my best friend and vented everything to him. He was in the DEP program for the Navy and would be shipping out in a few months, he told me to come by first thing in the morning and talk with him and his parents about the whole situation. I basically packed up all of my clothes and left the day after my 18th birthday. I just left my house key and a note that said "I'm not your problem anymore." I couch surfed for a little while until after my best friend left for boot camp, then I was able to move in and live with his parents (chosen parents basically). My only real rules were keep the house and my space clean and make sure I had a job and/or going to school. I spent a few months mourning my dad and kind of in a haze. Since he was in the Navy though, that meant I was reliable for financial aid for school. My second dad helped me get everything put together to start receiving that so I could start college.
Well, after a couple years of this, my brother, who had spent his time at school more as "forced socializing" instead of learning, was expelled from public schools for allegedly setting off a fire extinguisher in a classroom. He had to enroll at an alternative school called "the drop back-in academy" that was specifically for dropouts or anyone that got the boot from the public school system. My mom reached out to me and asked me if I would drive him to this school in the mornings, she'd pick him up in the afternoons, and she'd pay me $20 a week.I agreed to it thinking this was out of character for her, but she surprisingly held up to that agreement. I drove him for a couple years until I was ready to start my bachelor program. My second parents were getting ready to move back to their hometown and I was going to start school on the other side of the city. So, I was moving to that side of town and couldn't really drive out of my way to pick up and drop off my brother anymore. He continued his enrollment at this place for another 3 years (5 years total) and it turned out, he was never attending. I would drop his ass off there every day and he'd just walk home immediately after I pulled out of the parking lot. He'd just tell my mom that he finished his work early and decided to walk home instead of wait around for her. One afternoon, I'm coming home early from work and my brother is just sitting on the steps to my studio apartment. He tells me that he and our mom got into a really big argument and he needs a place to stay. I (reluctantly) let him in. I'm stuck thinking he must be really desperate if he's coming to me for help. But I start thinking at this point, he's 24, jobless, and probably needs to learn some self discipline and responsibility, and our mom just never did that for him. So I try to help. I ask him what their fight was about and he tells me that he started dating this girl at his alternative school. She was 21 and got the boot from the school system for being too old to attend (we actually have several relatives that were kicked out of the school system for the same reason) and that he accidentally got her pregnant and our mom did not take kindly to that. I called my landlord and explained the situation to him. He was okay with it, so I let him crash on my couch for a little bit (until the end of my lease, then I'd be moving) and just told him to clean up after himself, take care of himself, etc until we could all work this out. He crashed there for a few months and did Jack shit. He would complain that I didn't have a computer for him to use (I only had a laptop I bought for school) and I didn't have any video game consoles for him to entertain himself with. So he was stuck there bored all day. I got tired of the complaining and lack of effort and told him he had to go back to our mom's if he wasn't going to be an adult. We started shouting at each other until he dropped this little bombshell. He yelled "I can't go back to Mom's!" And when I asked why, he just blurted out "because it's to close to that elementary school!" That stopped the whole thing. "And why is that a big deal now?" I asked him. I already knew why that would be the problem, but 1% of me was holding onto the hope that he was got jumped by a gang of 5th graders and the trauma was too much for him to bear. I told him he could either tell me what's going on, or I could make a phone call and get every last detail I needed. He confessed that he had been leaving that school and going over to his "girlfriend's" house and waiting for her to get home. And that one day, her mom ended up catching them in the act. I explained to him that he was leaving out important details if that was the reason he couldn't be near a school.
He told me she was 14, not 21. I. Lost. My. Shit. Everything after that is kinda fuzzy, but he was arrested, mom posted bail, and since she lived right around the corner from an elementary school, he couldn't stay there. So they told his parole officer that he'd be staying at my address until his court date.. his PO had swung by a couple times, but I was always either at work or school or out somewhere. At this point, I told him the lease was up in 6 weeks, I couldn't stand to be around him. I packed my stuff early, moved out into a storage unit, and I stayed at an extended stay hotel until it was time for me to move. Called my landlord and told him what was going on, and if my brother was still there the last week of the lease, nail him for trespassing. My landlord was a good guy. I never had any problems with him. I paid up the last 6 weeks and threw him since extra cash for his troubles as I knew I wouldn't be getting my deposit back. That was the last time I saw my brother. After I moved out of state, I cut all contact with everyone in that family except my Aunt who was the only one that ever helped me out or even had my back. But even then, it was just through email. We'd mainly email birthday and holiday wishes to each other. Updates from my side on how life and career are going.
I never had a myspace or a Facebook growing up. I either never had a computer to check it on, or I was just so accustomed to not having any online distractions that I just never got around to making one. I did finally make a Facebook and I did get in touch with my dad's side of the family and reconnected with them. I hadn't seem most of them since I was 4 or 5. Some of them had been in contact with my brother (he fucking knew our dad died) and was spinning some sort of web about how he graduated high school early, had gone to college for pre-med and then got some sort of full ride scholarship to some prestigious medical school in Florida. He told them I wasn't on social media because I had been arrested for selling drugs and that he was taking me in after I got released. He was also using my senior portrait as a profile pic. They were surprised when they saw me and how I "looked just like my brother!" I had set the record straight. They looked dumbfounded when I told them that he couldn't get himself out of the 9th grade in 10 years, and now would likely never complete his high school journey due to the fact he can't be within 100 yards of a school.
So, fast forward to last week. I checked my email for the first time since late January (for my aunt's birthday) and noticed a few from her saying my mom wanted to reach out, then several emails from a new address. It was my mom's first initial and last name. Subject lines usually read "please respond" and "let me know you're okay" and stuff like that. I'd copy some of them over, but holy shit this is already a novella. Basically she got my email address from sneaking my aunt's phone (aunt did not sell me out). She's trying to apologize for how she treated me growing up and trying to excuse it by saying I reminded her of my dad and then she was going through menopause and just any excuse to dishes full accountability it seems. She acknowledges that it was wrong to hold me accountable for my brother's fuck-ups but dismisses that by saying he didn't know any better and she needed me to be a good role model for him. Things have been hard for her since I left, since she "had" to take my brother back in (I would've left him on the street or in jail), she had to sell her house (she was only 10 years into her mortgage) and buy another smaller one further from a school for him. He never did get a hs diploma or GED because how can he? And she's been going through breast cancer treatment for the last several months and just doesn't have the energy to take care of her 33yo baby anymore. She asked me if I lived close enough to them to take him in for a little bit while she focuses on her health. I left Florida 8 years ago and haven't even lived in the same time zone in 6 years. She can only check her email at work since she no longer has Internet at home. She had to cancel her home Internet service because of him. So, I decided to just put my brother's name into a search bar and the first thing that pops up is a FDLE sex offender's page. And holy shit has he gone downhill. He had a second arrest when he was 27 for the same thing, and then was caught in communications with another girl (like Chris Hansen sting) and was released from prison at the beginning of the year. And the mugshot.... You know the pale lady from the scary stories to tell in the dark movie? Think that, but with a patchy beard. Beady eyes, bad skin and all. According to the sheriff's office inmate search, he's been arrested 5 times in the last 10 years. Twice for lewd and lascivious battery of a minor (aged 12-15), once for solicitation of a minor, and twice for probation violations.
The TL/DR: abusive mom took all her frustrations out on me, blamed me for everything my brother did, hid my father's death from me until I was almost 18, and reaches out after 8 years of no contact and wants me to take care of her pedophile son while she's in poor health.
I'm attaching my response to her below.
Hi. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm also not okay with you contacting me, especially under the circumstances that you violated the privacy of your own sister to get my contact information. I have read your apologies and excuses and I do not accept either. You say I reminded you of Dad? He spent more time with me and showed more interest in my well-being than you ever did, and that's including the 6 years he was absent from my life by your own selfish design. Menopause? I find that hard to believe as this went on for the better part of half a decade and not once in that time did your attitude towards brother change. You always treated him with the same coddling infantile obsession and patience that one would show a toddler. It was and is clear that you have a preferred child as that adult-sized pile of shit is still living comfortably with dear old mama. I'm guessing no one else is willing to take him in? Are Uncle and Cousins afraid of him doing something to their daughters or grandchildren? I do believe you when you say you want to rebuild the bridge that you nuked from orbit years ago, but I can't believe it's not for your own selfish desires. And I can't find any reason or way my quality of life could be improved with your presence. The reality is, my life has been far better without you than it could be with you. I've never said this to anyone, but if there is a sense of karma and balance in the universe, your current situation is proof of that. The next time I see your name on my computer screen, had better be for your obituary. But since you and the monster you raised both decided to keep Dad's death a secret from me, and remove any choice I had to mourn or pay my respects, I'll return that kindness to you.
Please die away from me.

Timestamp and album
https://imgur.com/a/6rufnPF
Up for sale are two items. Please review the photos carefully as they represent the best depiction of condition. All prices are shipped in the US.
Saddleback Fourteener Briefcase - $245
Specs
https://saddlebackleather.com/leather-laptop-bags
This specific briefcase is the dark coffee brown. The leather is thick and substantial, and the pigskin lining brings it over the top in leather luxury. I bought this briefcase directly from saddleback 18 months ago as a second or as they call it a “Dave’s deal”. There was one mark on it and I couldn’t find anything else to warrant it being a second. The outside has marks from everyday use, but very few of them are substantial or enter in to the material so to speak. I have not tried to polish or otherwise work any mark on the bag. I normally carried my work laptop, a notebook, and a charging cable in it. For anyone familiar with saddleback you’ll be assured that this bag is just getting started. Let’s call it C condition.
Ashland Private Stock Capone “Epic Shell” Money Clip - $135
Specs
https://ashlandleather.com/products/capone-leather-money-clip-2
This wallet was carried and has a couple indentations that I tried to show in the light. Just getting started in terms of coloring and patina. The pattern you see is what Ashland calls epic I believe, a natural shell cordovan that has these patterns to it. Let’s call it C condition.

For context, I am in University about 50 miles from where she and my parents live, so I commute every weekend and most weekdays to see her. I love her. Plain and simple, in so many ways. We used to work together until she got a better job recently. Yesterday was her birthday. I made her some cookies common in the continent she's from, and baked them into heart shapes. I also got her 25$ of lottery tickets, flowers, her favorite energy drink, and a handwritten card with a lot of writing and drawings of us and her cat. I dropped it off to her in the morning after an all-nighter (going through it with finals and papers right now) and drove to the University to work my full shift. First she texted me thanking me for the gift, then asked me "what the fuck" those cookies were and that she choked on them. I was sad, told her what they were, and she told me I shouldn't have cooked something as a gift since I'm a bad cook. (I am, but I've made other stuff that she liked in the past). She also complained that the whole point of buying lottery tickets is to buy them, not to scratch them (I disagree?). She texted me that I shouldn't have gotten her anything if it was just going to be low effort.
I saw her later that night after she got out of work, and she was mad at me. She said I ruined her birthday by giving such a low effort gift, and that I didn't care about her. She brought up that I ruined her birthday last year too (by not immediately stopping our text conversation about some other girl and wishing her happy birthday the minute it got past midnight). Anytime I responded that I did put effort into the cookies, she would just deny it. Incredibly frustrating since I know how much effort I put in. She was mad the flowers I got her were not in a boquet, only loose, which didn't make it seem like a special occasion. At the heart of it she was mad that my gifts weren't special? To me the card and cookies were plenty special but she just says that it was stuff I've given her other days. She started calling me ret*rded, to which I responded "You're mean to me and I don't like it". I don't remember much of what she said (I'd had 4 hours of sleep in the past 2 nights), but she doubled down and continued calling me a wide variety of hurtful words, from ret*rded to stupid to childish and immature. I was already long sobbing, and in the middle asked her to just hit me instead. She obviously refused. She asked if I even wanted to go on our trip this upcoming weekend. I responded yes, and she replied that maybe I don't if I don't care about her enough to get her a decent gift.
She's horrifically depressed, and I know she has some specific trauma in response to people not caring about her birthdays. I think that explains part of it. Still, I tried. I am also depressed myself. I've tried bringing it up to her a few times and she responds that I'm "always bitching too much" because my life is so perfect. Compared to hers its way better, yes, but that doesn't mean I need a reason to be depressed. She's also acted distant the entire Spring semester. I rarely spend time with her, and even more rarely is it time that isn't just "okay we can see each other for 5 minutes but I have to go in". We havent' had sex since January, or cuddling. I very much miss both of these things, and we've had (rare) opportunities for them shes missed because shes too busy sleeping (I'm not allowed in her appartment to join her, mom discovered we had sex).
At the end of being yelled at when she denied me a hug and told me essentially to go away, I had a nervous break. Honestly I've been working too much and I'm overwhelmed with needing to find a new second job and the immense weight of finals and final essays ,things breaking on my car, and now this. I sped off, her and her mom heard my tires squealing and uninvited me from the trip. I drove recklessly for about 2-3 minutes on backroads while scream-crying about killing myself and fighting the urge to drive into a tree. Not proud of it. But I am devastated about missing the trip. She backed out on us living together, and promised we could have time to cuddle on the trip. I honestly don't feel like I have anything to look forward to.
I do a lot for her. I drive two hours round trip every time I want to see her, sometimes even for 5 minutes to drop off some food before going back. I've spent the past academic year working to support our long-standing plans of moving out together (This past weekend was my first time having more than one day off in a row since accompanying her to her surgery in October). I bring her flowers weekly, at work I do all of the hard stuff for her and massage her shoulders if she feels sore. I bring her food from my University and any treats she wants from the surrounding stores. I always ask if she wants anything. I have never said anything hurtful to her. She apologizes when she hurts my feelings too much and she realizes it, like last night. I spend thousands on her, whether jewelry (the most expensive ring she lost), buying her contacts or paying big bills when shes strugglign like drivers' ed or her wheel bearing replacements.
She texted me that shes sorry I'm not going and that she hurt me but I need to control my emotions better. That she loves me so much and regardless of our fights she will always love me so much. I responded that I felt like an unappreciated chore and didnt want to get yelled at. She replied that I'm not a chore she just hasnt had time and has been too depressed to make time for me. We texted a bit and I slept a few hours until my final/work today. She clearly didn't like me defending myself by saying that if i got a present i didnt like i wouldnt call my partner a "worthless ret*rd" by responding "i never called you worthless dont put words in my mouth...i sent you messages apologizing and being worried and your response is victimizing and arguing more...not happy with ruining my birthday? had to go further and ruin the day after?"
We've been texting each other throughout the day happier things. She's been sending me recipes to be a better cook and wants me to see her for 5 minutes after work in about 2 hours from the time of writing. I want to be with her. I love her, I've done so much, I will continue. But I feel like I'm being verbally abused. And I don't know how to stop it. I'm so overwhelmed with everythign in my life and I really just need someone on my side. I think i'll just first establish a rule of not interrupting/yelling and then telling her how hurt and lonely I feel. That I love her and I can totally work with her on managing time for me and depression but that I cannot tolerate verbal abuse.
TLDR: Gave girlfriend cookies for her birthday. She didnt like them and called me a ret*rd. I had a nervous break from other combined stressors, made a scene with reckless driving, got uninvited to a trip with her and her mom. She is texting me recipes and being nice to me today. I will see her in a few hours. I am hurt and overwhelmed with life and just want to be treated like I'm loved.
Thank you readers

Hello everyone! I’m running something for my book that I’m sure you’ll enjoy! I’m writing a book titled Anastasius which is Greek for Renewal. But I was thinking of a fun way to raise money for the book and a fun way to interact with potential readers! So I was thinking, if I give the characters who will be in my book, perhaps there could be a fundraiser for this! It will be $10 USD per character and there is no limit to how many characters you’d like! I’ll post the sheet for each character and you can pick and choose which tribe you’d like create your own character! If you have anymore questions I’ll be happy to answer! I take payments through PayPal as it’s the only thing I understand how to use!
Creatures of Renewal:
As written by Wyvern Scholars
Amphiptere:
Amphipteres generally were said to have light-colored feathers like a sunrise, a serpentine body, bat-like wings with feathers covering most of the forearm and often greenish in coloration, and a long tail much like a wyvern's tail. Others are described as covered in feathers with a spiked tail, bird-like wings, and a beak-like snout.
These small dragons are known to go after smaller prey like rodents and birds, as their habitatsavanna's heat, leavingrests. However, large colonies have been known to live in constructed settlements. Still, any knowledge of a leader has yet to be discovered. It has been rumored that the Amphiptere changes leaders when either the current one dies or willingly gives up the position of tribal leader.
Habitat: Forests, Jungles, or the forested remnants of human cities.
Arctic Dragon:
These giant, wooly dragons stand five feet taller than the most significant polar bears; their powerful muscles and jet-black skin under their blueish-white fur dominate most northern regions. Human settlements are where they prowl, waiting for humans hidden in these desolate territories for the perfect time to strike. These areas are far too cold for most dragons. Still, the Arctic dragon has adapted to survive in these brutal conditions. However, females only move southwards when their young are ready to be born. Once the younglings are old enough to walk short distances independently, the mother and cub begin trekking back toward the tundra.
Diet: These dragons hunt down various arctic prey, ranging from the smallest Arctic hares to the giant whales. Anything these dragons can get their talons on is food to them. Although young Arctic dragons do not have the speed or endurance their parents have, they rely on their parents to bring them back something they can eat.
Coatyl: The most noticeable feature of Coatyls is the feathered wings. These wings comprise a humerus connected to a radius and an ulna connected to metacarpals. The wings of a Coatyl allow it to fly, which is the primary method of locomotion. In unbonded Coatyls, the scapulars and front feathers are dark green, the covert feathers are light yellow or tan, and the primary and secondary flight feathers are red. Coatyls have pressurized sacs in the back of the mouth of a highly volatile and slightly acidic chemical known as coatalic acid. When threatened, muscles surrounding these sacs contract, pushing the coatalic acid out of small holes in the mouth and spraying it. When it comes into contact with air, coatalic acid undergoes a chemical reaction that causes it to ignite and become highly adhesive, sticking to whatever it lands on.
Diet: Coatyls primarily prey on small rodents like mice or rats. Coatyls cannot bite or tear their food to pieces, so they instead swallow their prey whole. They can do this as the upper and lower jaws of a Coatyl are not rigidly attached and have multiple joints, allowing them to open their mouths wide enough to swallow prey whole. While digesting food, Coatyls will typically avoid trying to fly and will instead travel along the ground.
Habitat: These dragons are usually found in the same territories as the Amphiptere. However, these Coatyls have been seen further south in the rainforests due to being more of a tropical species. Their size makes them easy prey for larger animals if they are not careful.
Dragon:
The Western European kind, with four legs, two wings, and (usually) fiery breath. Depending on how the work classifies things, these may be the only ones called "dragons." Otherwise, they're typically called authentic, Western, or European dragons. The Western dragon tends to be massive and heavy, with sharp claws and bat-like wings. They are usually with reptile features but may also have fur or feathers. Sometimes dark colored but always shiny. Some have forked tongues, others crests, fringes, or some other adornment. It always has the ability to spew forth blazing fire and fumes. In the West, dragons live in caves or mountain dwellers and predators. Cave dweller dragons stay in the coldness of the dark most of the time. The caves, filled with fire and water, are easily guarded and located close to towns, where food is convenient. Mountain predators live in cave-riddled mountains that provide an invincible tower and protection.
Diet: Western dragons tend to be considered carnivores. They like meat, flesh, and blood as their primary food source and are too fussy about the source. Sheep, cows, oxen, lions, elephants, or even humans, anything of a reasonable size and with warm blood and flesh to feast on, are their primary food sources. However, dragons haven’t shown a preference for the age or gender of humans. One interesting thing to note is that although they eat the flesh, they have a particular taste for blood. Sometimes, when in need of a quick burst of energy, they will only drink the blood of their prey and leave the flesh. This is seen as barbaric by most other species of dragons. Still, with western dragons being the second largest species, we tend not to mess with them and their dietary habits.
Drake: The drake is a dragon with four limbs, much like a lizard, although usually far more significant in size than the average lizard. A potent example of a drake in the natural world is the Komodo Dragon, a large species of minotaur lizard in Indonesia. These creatures have low-slung bodies, like crocodiles and alligators, with bellies across the ground. However, due to their natural habitat and human greed, wild drakes have been increasingly difficult to get notes from and other scholars to talk with. Drakes who are found are highly hostile and not open much to talking, but with enough food and gold, these dragons could easily talk your ear off.
Diet: These family-oriented dragons hunt together in packs; their size and numbers are easily strong enough to take down small herds of water buffalo, wildebeests, elk, and moose.
Feydragons: These dragons are about the size of a cat, each having an iridescent coat of scales that reflected all colors of the rainbow, predominantly reflecting one particular color, which changed with age. They had a long, prehensile tail and platinum-colored, butterfly-like wings. Like true dragons, faerie dragons grew stronger with age but matured much more quickly and lived shorter lives. Because their predominant scale hue ran the colors of the rainbow over their lifetime, their color directly indicated their age and power. The scales of a young hatchling were almost always red, and those of a fully mature dragon (over 50 years old) were violet. Most dragons leave these small ones alone because it is not worth expending calories to catch these little critters. But these small dragons are known across the globe for their beautiful woven tapestries and the symphonies they create with their wings.
Diet: Their diet mainly consists of small bugs caught in the air, from trees and bushes, and off the ground. They also fed on fruits, berries, nectar, and butterflies, which they ate to get the color and look of their wings.
Sea Orc: A Sea Orc has no arms or legs. It sports fins on the top portion and every few meters across its body, including one long fin that runs from the bottom of its head to its tail. A Sea Orc has little in the way of bones; it slithers through the waters like a snake. This assists the Sea Orc in attacking its prey. Sea Orc eggs cannot be fertilized in deep water, and smaller Sea Orcs cannot survive the pressure. Adult Sea Orcs have to head to shallower waters to mate. It is believed that the Sea Orc typically goes to warmer climates for mating.
Female Sea Orcs lay their eggs at the shoreline, close enough to the surface to be safe from the environmental killers but far enough from the water line that the parents can still protect their offspring. The eggs will grow for several months and will be born after size months.
Diet: These massive beasts eat mostly fish and aquatic life, anything they can catch; on rare occasions, they will eat a dragon, but that only happens when a rowdy juvenile dragon decides to go after a Sea Orcs calf.
Wyvern: The Wyvern is about the same size as the Arctic dragon, though in weight, they are closer to their brother, the Drake. The Wyvern is a two-legged dragon with two wings. They are believed to be faster than the more enormous Dragon. Their head is large and round, and they have a more petite mouth than most dragons. The body is thick but with a soft underbelly. The tail of the Wyvern is the most deadly. It is long serpentlike with a large mass at the end. They can also have a load of spikes within the ball or a significant spike at the top. The Wyvern uses this ball as its primary weapon, capable of smashing through most creatures, including other dragon's scales.
For its size, the Wyvern holds a large amount of weight. Most of this weight is within its thick scales. Anyone who has fought a Wyvern will inform you that getting through their body is next to impossible. The scales overlap several times, and underneath them is a thin net of tissue that absorbs impact and is resistant to being cut.
Diet: Moose, Elk, and Caribou are everyday staples of a wyvern diet, although anything that moves fits the wyvern needs as they have to eat at least 400 pounds of food every three days.
Humans: Not much is left from humans after they destroyed themselves; greed took out most of them, and the explosions hurt the rest. Humans have flocked to their caves deep in the ground. Most dragons leave humans alone, but humans have tried to take back their world a few times, but us dragons have quickly stamped out those little uprisings. Although some dragons keep humans as pets, their crafty little grabbers are relatively good at crafting the little things they need. Some dragons keep them for wealth status, and others just eat them for a rare treat.
Prey animals: Not much needs to be said here; anything a dragon can catch and eat is a prey animal.