Pin the tail on eeyore

Disney Pin Swap

2016.02.27 17:13 solo89 Disney Pin Swap

DisneyPinSwap is the definitive community for everything Disney Pins! A community of over 20,000 pin lovers with daily trades, news, and discussion! See our wiki for FAQs and general info!
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2018.01.08 04:20 deskweasel Fortnite Competitive

The developer supported, community-run subreddit dedicated to the Fortnite: Battle Royale game mode by Epic Games. Tailored for those who want to keep up to date on the pro scene, tournaments, competitive plays and figure out new tips/tricks on how to play the current meta.
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2016.10.31 21:17 Because_Justice 🌴TO THE TOP!🌴

Home of the worlds tallest palm tree. Viewed best on old reddit. Here is a template so you can join in(https://i.imgur.com/gvrqIe9.png)
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2024.05.16 11:04 RougeNargacuga My birb is loosing feathers, and I’m starting to get worried.

Hello everyone! So, for some context. My birb Cosmo is a Quacker Parrot. He is 10 years old, and has lived with my family and I since he was about 2 months old.
In the past year or so, we’ve noticed he’s been getting a bald spot around his chest, which fluctuates in how bare it is. We’ve had multiple theories as to why he could be behaving like this and pulling them out, and have tried numerous methods to get him to stop doing so such as
It need to be noted that Cosmo is not, and never has been an unhappy bird. Even as of now he has no stress bars present on his feathers, and loves interacting with our family and receiving scratches. He very often whistles to himself, preens (both himself and me) and, crunches his beak, hangs upside down, eating very well (he’s a bit of a guts), he sometimes tries to regurgitate food when he’s very happy but he never manages to, he also flaps his tail a whole lot.
Today, my mum noted while scratching him that a pin feather fell out on its own. Which is extremely, extremely unusual for him. I know birds are very good at masking symptoms of illness so now I’m worried he may be sick, and he’s pulling his feathers out because they’re loose.
Does anyone know if this could be the case? Or are we doing something wrong? Help would be much appreciated! I love my silly boy, he’s my favourite person and I want him to get better! Thanks!
submitted by RougeNargacuga to parrots [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 06:53 Aggressive-Jelly-180 Changes I'd make for the Super Smash Bros. Playable Fighters part 1: Smash 64

Welcome to the series of Changes to be Made to the Super Smash Bros. Playable Fighters. First, we are going with the playable fighters of the original game, Smash 64. Now this topic has been done before, though it'd to make my own version. Plus, while some did get some proper changes, the original 12 are still the biggest offenders when it comes to bad or outdated choices of Movesets, animations, aesthetics, etc. Here is a list of them.
Mario:
Donkey Kong:
Link:
Power Suit Samus:
Yoshi:
Kirby:
Fox:
Pikachu:
Luigi:
Ness:
Captain Falcon:
Jigglypuff:
And, there you go. This took a little while, though i hope to hear your feelings about these changes (as long as your reasons for your feelings are good). Any changes that you want to see to the original 12 that i didn't mention and did i misplace some moves? or did i add a change that was unnecessary? It'd be cool to see what other people can come up with.
submitted by Aggressive-Jelly-180 to smashbros [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 03:16 Trevor2894 My non clone correct URGI

My non clone correct URGI
I know I know… it’s not clone correct and not the best photo but I’m super excited as this is my first NFA build and I took the photo on my lunch break. Just got both my form 1 SBR and form 4 RC2 done and both were approved in less than a week! Parts list as follows…
Upper:
Geissele nEaR cLoNe 11.5 complete upper
Magpul mbus pros
Exps 3-0 tan
Arisaka 600 series light with malkoff E2HTV2 head
UE-07 tail cap running a surefire switch on a cloud defensive LCS
RC2 FDE
Onyx arms thicc stubby mlok grip
Lower:
Griffin MK2 ambi SBR lower
FCD ASF 50Q safety
FCD takedown pins
BCM grip
Geissele SSA trigger
Magpul CTR in FDE
submitted by Trevor2894 to URGI [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 02:44 burg37 6 month GWP terrified of everything

I’m probably a little early to be stressing out about this but seeking advice/thoughts.
I just got a 6 month old GWP that I hope to train into a bird dog.
This isn’t my first dog so I’m not completely lost but it is the first dog I didn’t get as a puppy.
I got her 3 days ago (which I’m kind of laughing now as I type this.. ) but though she’s quite attached to me already, she is scared of my wife, my kids, noises startle her, very skittish.. the family is basically on pins and needles trying to move around her without startling her.
She does get along well with other dogs. Loves her crate. Very well behaved and generally laid back, especially for a puppy. On leashed walks, I’d describe her as very curious but very cautious and EVERYTHING seems new to her.
I suspect she didn’t get much socialization in her early months but I’m doing everything I can to expose her, in good ways, to everything.
She has made quite a bit of progress in 3 days and went from not even wanting to be in the same county as other people/kids.. to checking my kids out and VERY cautiously taking treats from their hands and letting in the odd/VERY cautious ear scratch.
Her tail, for the first 24 hours was basically non-existent and she’d belly crawl around avoiding everyone. She’s a bit more confident now but still super skittish. Zero sign of aggression. We make sure she always has access to her kennel and an escape route to get there and she almost always chooses to hang out and observe from a distance.
She trains easily and is eager to please. Breeder said she had never shown signs of fear at all until her most recent vet visit (5 days ago).
I guess there’s a lot of reason to be hopeful that this will all work out but any advice or thoughts? Is it possible this is a fear phase? What should I be watching for? What should I definitely NOT be doing? Right now I’m focusing on exposure, confidence and obedience.
submitted by burg37 to DogAdvice [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 00:51 Inky_Scroll Help trying to get these tail lights to work

Help trying to get these tail lights to work
I'll probably be called dumb but I want to see if this is possible at all. I bought these new tail lights for my 2003 dodge grand caravan sport The product says these are meant for 2004-2007 grand caravans/chryslers It fits perfectly fine but the issue is wiring The original tail lights have 5 wires/pins total one for each light plus ground. The new tail lights are similar except there's 4 pins, the turn signal and brake stop light are linked to the same light instead of originally 2 different lights (the issue being the brake stop light has its own slot on the harness and needs to be linked otherwise it has no power) Linking the 2 wires at the plug does make the lights "work" but using the turn signal makes the brake switch go off constantly and actually pressing the brake stops the turn signal flashing
My question is if its possible to do, how is it supposed to be wired to properly work? I can't find any answer to this so far and I don't want to screw with other serious wires until I know
I actually liked these lights and most other ones looked ugly, darn near impossible to find many things for a minivan
submitted by Inky_Scroll to MechanicAdvice [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 23:50 DDoubleBlinDD Everyone's a Catgirl! Ch. 258: Longing Willow

First Previous Next Volume 1 Volume 2 Volume 3 Volume 4 Patreon Newsletter
A knock came at the door while Saphira was washing her hands in the basin.
“One moment!” she cried as she dried her hands on a nearby towel. She brushed her palms against her apron and made for the front door. Two familiar faces greeted her on the other side. “Espada! Goose! Come on in!”
Espada offered a curt nod and procured a bottle of dark wine from behind her back. “I know you’re avoiding the stuff, but Goose and I want to have a couple of glasses if you don’t mind.”
Saphira shook her head. “Not at all!”
“Thank you, thank you,” Goose sang as she skipped into Saphira’s home.
Saphira shut the door once they were all inside, then briskly returned to the kitchen, where two pots of stew cooked over her stove. She grabbed a mitten and cupped it over the knob beneath the pot, and pulled open the door. The fire was still going strong, so she nodded and shut it before setting the mitten back to the side.
“It smells delicious,” Espada said, taking a seat on the sofa.
“Thank you. It’s an old recipe of my grandmother’s. I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure it’s amazing.”
Saphira swung open a cabinet above her and plucked two glasses from within, holding them upside down with one hand. Years spent farming meant she had practiced hands, and she took great pride in her ability to accommodate friends and family. Grabbing a wine opener from a nearby drawer, thoughts of the last time she’d shared a glass with Matt pricked her tail. She strolled over to where Espada and Goose were sitting, cheerily humming as she gestured for the bottle of wine in Espada’s hand.
“It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve been here,” Espada commented, surrendering the bottle. “Keepin’ busy?”
“Every day is busy,” Saphira giggled as she set the glasses down. “Not that I mind it. I have excellent company.” She gestured to the crib against the back wall that Espada and Goose had built. Marie was happily playing with a few blocks that Goose had as a kitten. It baffled Saphira that Marie could already walk. Not that Marie could walk well just yet, but the fact that she’d picked it up so quickly and easily had Saphira wondering if she’d learned anything that early. “What about you?”
“Things are quiet lately, what with Matt and his Party gone. Demand for weapons and armor is low without ‘em. So I’ve been working the irrigation and home repairs lately.” Espada shrugged.
“Where’s Tabitha?” Saphira asked. Tabitha was a rambunctious woman, obsessed with dirt and everything beneath it. She had her heart set on being the one responsible for Junonia’s irrigation, and she worked as the village’s carpenter in her off time.
“We’re not sure, but she did mention checking out the other towns on Ni Island. Maybe she just got tired of this place.” Goose shrugged.
“It feels strange to take up her post,” Espada continued. “Not exactly my field of expertise. But it’s a living, and it’s oddly satisfying work. Besides, Goose is makin’ sure I don’t lose my touch.”
Saphira uncorked the bottle and set the opener to the side, blinking. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re looking at a [Fighter],” Goose said with a toothy grin. “Been hearing all about Matt and his Party from Espada and the other girls, so I thought I’d make my own waves out there.” She emphasized the point by imitating an ocean’s current with her hands.
Saphira smiled. Ni Island wasn’t known for its plethora of adventurers. Most of them ended up calling it quits before Second Class—choosing quieter lives in tending to children, farming, cooking, or living off the land. She couldn’t think of the last time she heard of someone leaving Junonia. Well, except for Matt and his group. “Are you thinking of exploring outside the island?”
Goose shook her head. “Not yet. I’m thinking of hunting some small-time Encroachers for a few Bells. Espada’s been helping me.” She nudged Espada playfully.
Espada chuckled. “She has a good sword arm, so I’ve been teaching her in my off time.”
“Espada, you’re the best I’ve ever seen! You must’ve trained on Nyarlothep,” Goose said.
“Something like that.” Espada had always been tight-lipped about where she came from before she settled on Ni Island. Whenever she was asked, she’d shake her head and change the subject. If anyone pushed too hard, then she’d suggest they go on their way.
Saphira didn’t mind it so much, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious. Still, it wasn’t her place. She offered her own change of topic as she began to fill Espada and Goose’s glasses. “That’s so exciting, Goose!”
“It feels so good to train and Level. Don’t you think, Saphira?” Goose asked, leaning forward with eager eyes. She watched Saphira pour the wine, gripping the glass’ neck using her first two fingers and her thumb.
Saphira could hardly remember how long she’d dabbled in her Class after her choosing. Every catgirl selected a Class when they came of age, but it was a distant memory to her now. “A-ah… I admittedly don’t remember much.” She giggled and poured Espada’s drink next. “I know that I selected [Scout], though.”
“Huh. I would’ve figured you for a [Chemist] or a [Mage],” Goose said.
“I’d heard from Keke that [Scout]s were good at finding Encroacher parts, so I figured that I might become a leatherworker at some point,” Saphira said. She shook her head. “I’m not one for combat, though. I only ever reached Level 2.”
Goose nodded as she swirled her glass. “That’s our Saphira. Pure to the core.”
Saphira flushed and curled a lock of her hair around her finger. “Hardly.”
“You could charm the evil out of the Defiled,” Espada laughed before draining nearly half her glass.
Saphira wondered if Espada knew that wine was a bit different than ale. “That’s kind of you to say.” She could feel her cheeks growing hotter by the second. “I’m going to finish up dinner.”
By the time the food was ready to be served, Espada and Goose were laughing up a storm. Saphira set three hearty plates on the table, then strolled over to her daughter’s crib. Marie cooed and reached for Saphira’s finger, gripping it tight so as not to fall over.
“You’re so smart!” Saphira said in a high-pitched timbre. “It’s time for dinner!” She reached down and picked Marie up, cradling her in her arms as she approached the table in the living room. It was perfect for the occasion. She’d tried to share dinner with her daughter at the dinner table, but it had proven difficult with its height.
“Thank you for the meal,” Espada said with a nod. She’d finished her wine before dinner and didn’t seem any worse for wear. The same amount would’ve seen Saphira sleeping on the floor within minutes.
“Yeah, thanks!” Goose said.
“You’re welcome,” Saphira smiled as she took a seat across from Espada and Goose. Bouncing Marie on her knee, she plucked a fork from the table, skewered the steamed meozuna greens, and hovered the vegetable over Marie’s head. “Oh, look what I got you!” The kitten batted the air for her mother’s food, grabbing hold of Saphira’s wrist after the third attempt. Marie guided the fork to her mouth, nibbling on the soft veggie, and her tiny ears perked straight up. “Oh, what a good girl! Mommy’s little kitten is so smart!”
Goose and Espada watched with smiles on their faces as they picked at their food. Saphira continued to spoon and fork her food, sharing every other bite with Marie. To her relief, Marie was not a picky eater—Saphira’s mother had always liked to tease her about how fussy she was as a kitten.
“I can’t believe how fast she’s growing,” Goose commented while she wiped at her mouth with a handkerchief.
“I know, isn’t she beautiful?” Saphira glowed. “I love her with all of my heart and soul.” She and Marie touched foreheads, eliciting an excited coo from the kitten.
“It’s still so weird to me that Matt left,” Goose continued. “He’s such a…unique man.”
That was the perfect word for Matt. Saphira had never heard of a man traveling the other islands so quickly, nor had she ever heard of one working with the neighboring islands. It wasn’t unheard of, but she pined for Matt’s smile, his laugh, and his embrace. His presence brought so much hope and life to Junonia, and his absence was sorely felt.
Every day spent without him was another day Saphira spent worrying for his safety. As strong as he was, she feared that his kindness and consideration could bring him harm.
I hope you’re okay, Matt.
Espada snorted. “I can think of a few other words for him.”
Saphira guided another spoonful of potatoes into Marie’s mouth. “What do you mean?”
“We got off to a rough start.” She pushed her empty plate forward and leaned back against the sofa. “I was already pis—” She hesitated, glanced at Marie, then coughed into her fist. “I was in a bad mood that day. So I told him off when he tried to barter.”
Saphira gasped. “Espada!”
In a rare moment, Espada looked uncomfortable. “I work hard on my craft, and I wasn’t about to let him take advantage of me just because he was a man.”
“But they’re here to protect us.”
“I get that,” Espada said, her tone lowering, “I’ve just seen others who flaunt their influence, and I’m not okay with that.”
“I hope you apologized later.”
Espada blinked. “Sure. Yeah, I did.”
Saphira wasn’t quite sure if Espada was telling the truth, but she decided not to pry. “Well, it sounds like you’re on good terms now, then.”
Espada shrugged. “I think so. I gave him a few pointers when I had time.”
“You mean when it was convenient,” Goose jabbed Espada between the ribs playfully. “I know what those words really mean.”
Espada shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Sure you do.”
Marie grabbed one of Saphira’s bangs and pulled her closer. “Aauuooo?”
“Sweetie, you’re hurting Mommy,” Saphira said as she unhooked her daughter’s hand from her hair. She giggled and used her free hand to fix her hair. “You know, I’ve always wondered, Espada.”
“Hm?”
“What brought you to Ni Island? You know so much about weapons and armor, and you learn things so much faster than I would.” She tilted her head inquisitively. “Where did you learn?”
Espada didn’t answer immediately. “I used to work in Nyarlothep as a smith.”
“I knew it!” Goose cried.
A warning glance escaped the corner of Espada’s eyes. Goose quieted, and she continued, “I got tired of my work there and decided to come here instead.”
“A fresh start?”
“You could say that,” she said quickly. Her tone was flat and snappy. “I guess I just got tired of the politics and making weapons and armor for those who didn’t deserve them.”
“Well, I’m glad you decided to come to Ni Island,” Saphira smiled. This was a sensitive topic for Espada, that much she could tell. It was time to let the matter drop. What did it matter, anyway? “It wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Espada’s easy smile returned. “Thanks.”
The room was warm and comforting. As the conversation continued, Saphira eventually let Marie walk around under the condition that Goose sat on the floor with her. It was much easier to keep an eye on a curious kitten with multiple people. The three of them played with Marie, and when it was her bedtime, Saphira placed her daughter back in her crib and kissed her forehead.
“Thank you again for dinner,” Espada said. “It’s been a while since I had such a nice home-cooked meal.”
“You’re so welcome!” Saphira clapped her hands together. “We should do this again sometime.”
“I agree! Maybe next time I’ll bring the meat,” Goose said. “Fresh kill and all that.”
“As long as I don’t have to, well, prepare it.” Saphira swallowed hard. She couldn’t imagine being the one responsible for skinning and bisecting an Encroacher for food. She always left that to the butchers.
“Don’t worry. I could never ask you to do that.”
“Then it’s a plan!”
Espada and Goose waved their farewells, and Saphira shut the door behind them, leaning against its surface when they were gone. The room was quiet now, with only the crackling of the hearth and her daughter’s snores to keep her company. For a few moments, she couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face. She had the family she always dreamed of. Marie was every bit the blessing from Saoirse she imagined.
But the longer she stared, the longer she listened, the more empty the room started to feel. Her hands clenched into fists behind her, and her longing for Marie’s father heightened.
I wish you could see your daughter right now, Matt.
Espada Pro Tip: It was good to see you, Saphira. Don't be a stranger, okay? Let me know if your tools need maintenance.
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Thanks for reading!
Advance chapters, Side Quest voting, exclusive NSFW chapters, full-res art, acrylic pins, WIPs, and more on Patreon!
Everyone's a Catgirl! Volume One is available now on Kindle Unlimited and Audible! Volume Two and Volume Three are out on Kindle Unlimited and Paperback!
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submitted by DDoubleBlinDD to HFY [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 22:30 Ben_Elohim_2020 The Nature of Family [Chapter 17]

Credit to Blue for the wonderful cover art of Trilvri
Thank you to:
u/SpacePaladin15 for creating the Nature of Predators universe.
u/EdibleGojid, author of Dark Cuts, for proofreading.
EmClear, aspiring author, for proofreading
You, the reader, for your support. I love reading your comments.
Please consider reading the works of my proofreaders as they’re all authors of excellent stories and be sure to check the links below for more of my work and beautiful art from members of the community.
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Memory transcription subject: Sawvek, Junior Extermination Officer
Date [standardised human time]: October 5th, 2136
Hard foam presses uncomfortably up against delicate pressure points situated across the length of my entire body, building up to an unbearable ache that makes me shift and turn against the thin mattress pad. I yank at the rough old blanket I’d taken out of storage and clutch it even tighter around my body, trying to keep out the chill. The best racks, the ones near the heating vents, had already been claimed long before I’d decided to move into the Guild House’s Barracks and it doesn’t seem likely that the current occupants will be giving up their spots any time soon.
My mind is still racing from the events of last paw, replaying the scene over and over again in my dreams and in my head. The way my brother had looked at me… That look on his face when he’d seen the real me…
My paw gives a sympathetic throb in memory, still aching from where it had met the wall, but at least I had been able to wrap it up a bit and stop the bleeding. I feel like I should take it as a small miracle that it isn't broken. More medical bills are the last thing I need right now.
I turn about in the bunk once more, rolling around in vain to try and find a comfortable position that doesn’t seem to exist. Through a conscious act of will I try to empty my mind and sleep, but the very act of trying not to think about things only brings them bubbling back up to the surface of my thoughts. My heartbeat echoes in my ears, a damnable drumming sound brought about by the exertion of my own restless tossing and turning. Out in the hallway I can hear the muffled shuffling of feet and murmurs of conversation. The Guild Hall never sleeps, and it seems that neither would I this paw.
Electing to abandon the attempt as hopeless, I cut my rest claw short and get up, venturing out into the hallway. If I can’t sleep anyway then I might as well start my waking claw early, maybe get in a little exercise. It’s not so bad when it’s self-directed, almost fun in a way. If our family had the money to support it then maybe I could have been an athlete of some variety growing up. I had always possessed something of a natural physicality.
“Stop wasting time with worthless questions about what could have been, Killer.” The voice interjects, early and active today by the sound of it. “You’ll never amount to anything more than a wild predator kept on a leash.”
There’s nothing to do but sigh and carry on. It was right after all. This is it. This is my life now.
Making my way down the hallway towards the gym I find myself walking past a row of private offices assigned to some of the more veteran officers on staff. Most are empty at this claw, their occupants either asleep or off doing other work. One room in particular catches my attention though, the one belonging to our newest PRED Team Commander.
The door leading inside is open and ajar, seemingly forgotten in the midst of more pressing business and granting me a look inside. The entire room is a mess, papers and binders strewn about everywhere with official looking documents littering the floor. A map of the city decorates the otherwise unadorned and impersonal space. On its face it hosts a variety of multicoloured pins, all connecting seemingly arbitrary locations as well as photographs of people and places from the records department. The face of the former PRED Team Commander, Vrienna, looks out at me once again with the same cruel eyes that decorate the memorial wall. Beside her photo are another pair of eyes, a pair I recognise, but not one I would have expected to see here.
Trilvri, my brother’s creepy coworker, the one who’d brought him home the night he’d drunk himself into a stupor, stares out at me from the wall. He was younger in this photo, barely of age, if even that, and dressed in a regulation space corps flight suit, but I could still recognise him. Trilvri’s eyes appear somehow more lively than when I had met him in person, though it does nothing to improve his overall disposition, looking, as they are, as if behind them resides only hatred and a feral desire to kill and rend. Come to think of it, he had mentioned he used to be in the corps hadn’t he? ‘Used to’ being the operative word. When I’d asked he hadn’t seemed particularly fond of his time in the service…
Situated as he is next to Vrienna like that, their pitch-black wool and evil-looking eyes bear a striking resemblance. It was the exact same sort of predatory expression that bore into your soul, the kind that made me feel weak and exposed, the same kind that was worn by-
“What do you think you’re doing in my office?” A voice asks from behind, nonplussed, but with a casual depth of power and authority behind it that makes me freeze on the spot.
“Commander Glagrig, Sir!” I turn about on the spot, fixed at attention in the doorway as I stare up at the man himself. “I’m sorry to intrude. I noticed someone had forgotten to close the door so I was just going to secure it.”
“I see.” Glagrig doesn’t seem to believe a word of it, but neither does he seem inclined to press the issue. “At ease. Tell me, do you recognise the man in the photo there? Have you ever seen him before?”
“No, Commander.” I lie reflexively as I shift to a parade rest, not fully knowing why, but knowing that whatever is going on I want no part of it, for me or my brother. It’s only after the fact that it occurs to me that lying might be worse than telling the truth.
“How… regrettable.” The prestige officer says plainly and I can’t tell whether he believes me or not. “If you do ever catch sight of this individual, then be sure to let me know immediately.”
“Y-Yes, Commander.” I subconsciously swallow with apprehension, hoping that he doesn’t notice. I want nothing more than to run away as quickly as I can, but I haven’t been dismissed yet.
“Junior Officer Sawvek, was it?” Glagrig carries on, looking me up and down, dissecting me with his eyes. “You have quite the interesting record on file and Officer Intalran is quite adamant about your potential. Your simulator results speak for themselves, even if they are just simulations.”
“Thank you, Commander.” I can feel myself growing dizzy as I answer with uncertainty.
“Don’t thank me,” the all-consuming void in front of me replies with no hint of warmth, “just remember that your performance is under evaluation. It’s in my interests to keep note of promising young aspirants who might someday join my team, and I would hate to see you squander your talents.”
“I-I understand, Commander.” I flick my tail in agreement, straining not to look away towards the floor.
“Dismissed.” Glagrig brushes past me as he enters his office, moving to shut the door behind himself.
“Um, Commander?” I ask just before the door shuts, feeling a beckoning call of curiosity that even the predatory prestige exterminator couldn’t crush. “If you don’t mind me asking… Why do you have all that stuff up on the wall there?”
The door opens again, just a crack, and I can feel my superiors' weighty presence bearing down on me, almost suffocating in its intensity. “It’s simply a personal matter. I have reason to believe that the prior investigation regarding the kelach incident was conducted according to… insufficient standards. The predator responsible was never found and I intend to remedy that deficiency.”
“How hard could it be to find a kelach?” I tilt my ears in confusion. “They're huge!”
“Despite initial reports,” he answers with an ominous, cold tone that sends a chill up my spine, “it may be possible that we're dealing with something far more dangerous than just a kelach.”
“T-Thank you, Commander.” I flick my tail in appreciation and the door closes.
I breathe a sigh of relief as the malevolent aura recedes. That was too close.
“And you’re a complete moron going back to ask him more questions afterwards, Killer.” The voice rises with amusement. “What? Do you want him to figure you out and turn you to cinders? Only a matter of time, Killer.”
“Ugh, shut up.” I mutter under my breath, quickly turning back around to make sure Commander Glagrig didn’t hear me, but when no reprisal comes I quickly depart. If I’m gonna be stupid I should at least try not to do so right in front of his office.
As the imminent threat of our in-house prestige exterminator dwindles so too does the energy driven by the adrenaline of the encounter. It figures that the moment I roll out of bed I want to take a nap again, but I know the moment I lie back down I’ll be back to full wakefulness in an instant. That’s just how that sort of thing works. With that in mind there’s really only one solution, a big, steaming hot cup of tea.
Making my way towards the tea machine I spot Jonsco, the feisty little primitive that mans our dispatch centre, smacking the top of the dispenser with a clenched paw while holding a mug underneath it.
“Is the tea machine fixed?” I ask as I pull out a mug from the cabinet myself.
Jonsco sighs heavily and shoots me a combative glare. “For the last time it’s not my brahking job to fix this damn tea machine! You got a problem with that then you can go pester someone else about it!”
I shrink back under the harsh rebuke. Jonsco may be small, but there was as much rage and fury condensed into that little package as anyone else in this department. Maybe more.
“I… I didn’t mean to imply…I just wanted to know if it was working again or not… Sorry.” I sputter out, feeling properly admonished as I look away towards the ground.
Jonsco looks at me quizzically, his hard glare softening somewhat as he seems to truly see me for the first time before returning to his usual scowl.
“Right…Whatever you say…” With one final smack the machine coughs and chokes, sputtering to life with a struggle, and a small trickle of freshly brewed tea begins to fill Jonsco’s cup. “The machine is on the fritz again as usual, but if you hit it just right, do a little percussive maintenance, then you can get it started again.”
“Thanks, Jonsco.” I lean back against the wall and watch as the mug slowly fills, impressed by the primitives know-how. “That's actually pretty smart of you.”
“For a ‘primitive’ right?” The words are barbed and spiteful, but lack his typical enthusiasm, more of a simple statement of fact than a real question. I couldn't exactly deny it, those had been my thoughts, and so the silence drags on awkwardly, marked only by the splash of tea falling into the steadily rising pool.
“What are you doing here at this claw anyway?” I eventually ask, dodging the question entirely. “We’ve still got at least another half-claw until our crew's shift is supposed to start.”
“I could ask you the same thing, you know?” The angry little dispatch operator retorts. “I'm here early working an overtime shift so I can afford to put food on my family's table. It's expensive feeding that many mouths. What's your excuse?”
“I had a fight with my brother…” I rub the back of my neck as I turn away abashedly, “moved out of the apartment and into the barracks full time… couldn't sleep…”
“Well then you should hurry up and work on patching things up with him.” Jonsco looks at me with an uncharacteristic hint of sympathy in his eyes. “Your family are the only ones who might actually care. This Gods-damned place is a slyther’s nest and no one here gives a speh about you or your problems. If you want my advice, you should do your best to spend as little time in this cesspool as possible.”
With his cup now full, Jobsco steps back from the machine and begins walking out towards the main hall.
“Thanks, Jonsco.” My words stop him in his tracks as he walks away from me. “I appreciate it.”
“... You're welcome.” He says after a short pause, glancing back to look at me one more time before leaving. “See you around, Sawvek.”
Taking advantage of the tea machine while it’s still mostly working, I fill up my own cup and drink deeply of the warm, fragrant beverage. The taste is bitter and unpleasant, just about the quality I would expect of this Guild Hall, but even at the first taste it’s evident that it’s been loaded with an extra strength dose of caffeine. I down the drink quickly and rinse out the cup before continuing on my journey towards the training hall. Fatigue begins to fall away as I walk, bit by bit as the drug makes its way into my bloodstream, blocking off sleep receptors and energising me. I know I’ll probably pay for it later, no amount of caffeine can actually replace sleep, but for now it feels good and I can see how some people can get addicted to the stuff.
A loud, metallic clanging emanates from the gym as I approach, something unexpected for this time of paw. No one's reserved space in the gym for this claw and not many people are industrious enough to sweat on their own initiative. Peeking my head inside the door I spy Bikim, the perfect, privileged, ‘holier than thou’ brahkass occupying the otherwise empty weight room. His irritatingly handsome face is taut with strain as he performs a series of weighted squats, his back and leg muscles straining underneath his short-cropped wool, and he pants heavily under the exertion.
I’m half tempted just to leave and go back to bed despite the fact that there’s no way I’d be getting any sleep with the tea running through my system. It’s too early in the paw to deal with Bikim’s speh. Before I can slip away unnoticed though, he spots me. I give a heavy sigh and continue my way inside. There's nothing to be done for it now. Trying to back out now would only make things worse later, a sign of weakness.
“What… Do you want… Predator?” Bikim asks between gulps of air as he reracks his weights, practically hanging off the bar to support himself on shaky legs.
“Good paw to you too, Bikim.” I say, forcing civility into my tone. “I’m here to use the equipment. Same as you. I'm allowed.”
“Whatever…” He eyes me with suspicion. “Just keep your distance… I don't want to catch any of your taint.”
“Believe me,” I flick my tail out in irritation, “I intend to.”
Looking around the room for available spots, I march my way over towards a cable machine on the opposite side of the room. Not nearly as far from Bikim as I would like, but the farthest I can get without leaving the weight area entirely. Bikim watches me all the while as I seat myself down and begin adjusting the machine. Eventually he grows tired of watching me fumble around with the machine and returns to his own exercises with a displeased flick of the tail, quite obviously judging me for my lack of experience with the equipment.
A tense sort of quiet settles over the room as we each go about our business, trying our best to ignore one another. Bikim slowly winds his way around the room, cycling from station to station to exercise all the different parts of his body in sequence before repeating it all again. He seems to bypass my corner of the room, glancing over at me with each repetition of his pattern. For myself, I stay put where I am, taking advantage of the varied exercises offered by the versatile machine to experiment with different muscle groups. Occasionally I slip up, dropping the weights with a loud clang that always draws Bikim’s ire. Every time he seems just a bit more disgruntled, a bit less patient. Eventually, the constant disruption reaches a tipping point and the pompous, self-entitled jerk walks over to confront me.
“Do you always do this?” He asks rhetorically. “If you keep slamming the weights like that you're gonna break it. Your form is speh so either fix it or lower the weight so you don't have to keep compensating. Better yet, just leave. You’ve been monopolising the cable machine for almost half a claw now. I don't know why you're even here in the first place.”
“Oh, look at Mr. Know-it-all thinking he can just go around telling us what to do, eh Killer?” The voice rises to the challenge. “Where does a guy like that who's been handed everything his whole life think he can get off with telling us how we should be doing anything?”
“Brahk off Bikim!” I don't even try to reign in the predator inside, feeling justified in letting it roam free for once. “I didn't ask for your advice and you don't get to kick me out of the weight room just because you can't wait your turn! I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go! Ever since Intalran dragged me into this stupid Guild this brahking job has taken over my entire life! I don't even have a home to go back to anymore!”
Bikim's body tenses at my tirade and his tail flicks out aggressively like a whip.
“That's your own damn fault, predator!” He shouts back, eager for the excuse to vent his own frustrations. “Maybe if you weren't just some blood-starved beast out roaming the streets then you wouldn't be here right now! I’ve read your file! You got a history of herdless behaviour and physical altercations! Someone should have institutionalised you a long time ago, but someone took pity on you and let you slip through the cracks because of your poor dying mommy! They should have known it would come back to bite them! A normal, functional member of the herd wouldn't even think to pick a flamer up off the ground and burn another person to death with it! But you? You did it instinctively! You revelled in it!”
“You think that was easy for me!” I get up and walk towards him as I yell incredulously. “You think I asked for that to happen! You think it was fun for me to get choked out and almost eaten! That thing I burned wasn't even a person anymore! It was a predator in the middle of a feeding frenzy! So yeah, I did what I did, and you know what? It's a good thing I did! If I wasn't a freak of nature then that thing would have kept on going and kept on killing! Last I checked, preventing that sorta thing was supposed to be your job, but I had to be the one to step up! Now I have to live with the consequences of my actions every paw, knowing that I’m a Protector-damned killer that doesn't belong anywhere! Maybe you, in your infinite wisdom, would've known the perfect thing to do in that situation, but I’m not you! I’ve had to work and struggle for every little thing I have! Not just had it handed to me on a silver platter!”
“Oh, so you got me all figured out do you?” Sarcasm drips from Bikim's mouth as he looks down on me. “You don't know me. You don't know my life or what I’ve been through, how hard I’ve worked to get where I am. You just see the end product from cycles of effort and assume that it's always been that way, that it's always been that easy. It hasn't.”
“Yes, I’m sure you had it so hard growing up Bikim.” Saying it aloud almost makes me laugh. “You’re such a child of privilege that it drips off of you with every move you make and every word you say. I hate people like you, thinking that you're better than everyone else just because you were lucky enough to be born into wealth and status. Try living like the other side for a change, scrounging for every credit just so you can afford to eat, and then try to tell me how hard you had it with a full belly and a warm home!”
“You’re right, predator,” Bikim says contemptuously, “I am a child of privilege. My family has a long and decorated military tradition, my father is a captain for the space corps, a brahking hero, and I’ve reaped the benefits of that. That privilege came at a cost though, and that’s called expectations. Second best is not good enough and I've had to put in ten times the effort as anyone else my whole life just to meet standards! At least you grew up with a father who was there for you and loved you without the condition that everything you do is perfect!”
“All that talk about reading my file and you didn't even get past the first page did you?” I snap at him with a snarl. “ I didn't grow up with a father at all! He's been dead since I was in elementary school! Killed in action! I barely even remember him anymore!”
That one seems to give Bikim pause, but I’m not done yet.
“If you and your whole family are such a bunch of brahking heroes then how come you're here, working as a common garrison exterminator in a run-down backwater city like this?” I taunt. “Shouldn't you be out gallantly fighting the Arxur with one of the fleets or on a colony pacification force rather than making my life here harder than it already is?”
“That's the price for failing to meet expectations,” Bikim quiets down, drawing away from the world and into himself, “the price for knocking up a beautiful, wonderful girl right after graduation and refusing to get rid of it afterwards. You get cut off. You lose that privilege, and you do whatever you have to in order to provide and try to be a good role model for your son.”
Now that one threw me for a loop. In the short time I’ve known Bikim I’ve had a lot of thoughts about him, few of them good, but never would I have expected him to be the type to take responsibility… For anything. Still, there is one thing about his story that doesn't line up…
“Oh really?” I take a step back as I watch for his reaction closely. “I seem to recall Jonsco mentioned just the other day that your wife had left you for a Human.”
“Don't you bring that brahking primitive into this!” Bikim's anger flares in an instant before returning to a subtle simmer of regret. “We’ve just been having a… a rough patch in our relationship. I’m not giving up on us. I’ll win her back. She's just… confused and being taken advantage of! It's all that damn predators fault!” Bikim sighs and sits down on a nearby bench. “You're not the only one whose had something taken from them because of this job. You're not the only one without a home to go back to.”
Looking at Bikim now, a sad, pathetic man moping on the bench with nothing better to do on his rest claw than to try to externalise his inner pain… I find it hard to stay angry at him. He's still a narcissistic brahk ass and a complete jerk, but it's hard to truly hate someone when you actually know them. I had made quite a few assumptions about him when we first met, and he certainly hadn't helped my impression of him since, but… perhaps I was wrong to judge him so harshly?
“Nah,” the voice chortles, “he’s a piece of speh that got what he brahking deserves for being an insufferable prick.”
Overhead the intercom crackles to life and I can hear Jonsco's voice reverberating over the airwaves.
“Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment. Repeat. Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment.”
“Sounds like it's time for your first field assignment, Kid.” Bikim says, staring up at the intercom. “At least it gets you out of my wool. Try not to brahk it up and make the rest of us look bad.”
“Hmph.” I turn to leave, muttering to myself. “Stupid brahkass.”
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N - Hello! Sorry this one took a while. Like I mentioned before I got delayed working on my Ficnapping chapter as well as a crossover One-shot that's still in progress (but hopefully will be done soon). In other news we have new art of Sawvek's life-changing encounter in the Builder's Lane Bloodbath as drawn by Miglove and you can still find that and everything else Nature of Family in the new Master Post linked up above.
If you like the story then please remember to upvote, comment, and use the “!Subscribeme” function to be alerted to all new posts. I post as often as I can but real life has a tendency of getting in the way and my job makes it almost impossible to keep to any kind of schedule. Your engagement and support go a long way towards helping to keep me on track and motivated, so thank you very much for reading and I hope you'll stay tuned for next chapter!
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2024.05.15 18:42 cartoon_Dinosaur Second contact Chapter 2

Thank you to Space paladin for the canvas and u/Acceptable_Egg5560 for proofreading and critique
Content warning; Educator abuse and syrupy love
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Memory transcript: Maarchal , MESEA Astronomers. Date: [Standard Farsul calendar ] January 26th, 3667
PLUNCK
Ponthyts blue stick clattered on the board, rolling around in a circle. Before settling on three. He then pumps his paw and moves to move a soldier that many paces.
“Well, I got you cornered now, whatcha going to do about it?” I smirk at Ponthyts soon to be dashed confidence as I take out my red stick and flip in the air much higher than he did with his own.
It hits the board with a loud clatter, bouncing on each end before settling on rolling. To which it landed on seven. I move my last interceptor through his ranks and take his general. The gobsmacked look on his features was evident, with his previously wagging tail so still it made stone seem fluid.
“I win.”
“How did you do that?”
I rolled my shoulders and readjusted my legs underneath. “Well, you left a clear path for my interceptor.” I pointed to the gaps in his remaining pieces.
“I know that! I mean how did you know you'd get a high enough number to do that? Your interceptor was all the way back here and it's your last red piece!!!”
I lean my head back and lean against the wall behind me. “I didn't, I just saw an opportunity and took it.”
He pointed a digit at me “ Mershit, that was some grandmaster trap!”
I give him the ear position of resignation with a mirthful little grin. “I promise you it was just luck.”
He waves his paw dismissively. “I don't believe you.”
“Well believe it, because I don't plan ahead like that. Want to play another game?”
He shakes his head. “Nah I think four games is enough for one night.” He begins moving the pieces into their containers and folds up the board and places it on top of them. Closing the box. He then stands up and offers me his paw, I use it to pull myself up off the floor.“Well Maarchal, I’ll see you tomorrow at the observatory. I’ll bring the set if you want to play it during lunch if you want.”
I froze, “what! What time is it? He turns over to look at the clock above his strove.
“Ahh about Fifteen minutes past 18.”
“Uh, that's not that late! We could play another game! C’mon let's have a tie breaker!”
He rubs his eyes, “I’m tired and we have work in the morning. Is there something you're avoiding?”
I rub my upper right arm and look off into the corner. “...”
He took on a worried look, “Why don't you want to go home Maarchal?”
I sighed and took a seat at his dining room table. “I… I don't like that house, I’ve lived there since I moved to LIghra six years ago but it's not a… home like here.”
I looked around at the messy abode. Dirty cloaks were strewn about on the back of chairs and the rubbish trough was just barely not overflowing. Paintings either from family or Ponthyts own paw were hanged up in the hallways, and the lightbulbs cast a warm orangish light. While the dishes from our dinner were placed in the sink, covered with animal gravy slathered all over them. It was tidy yet just barely so. A place filled with all the markers of being lived in.
“You've lived here less than a year but it feels like it's always had you in it. I feel … so comfortable here. My own home is so… cold and sterile. I Worked a lot the first few months I moved here. I just never got around to making it a home. It feels so bare, I started to work overtime just to avoid it. Which just made the problem worse.”
He sat down across from me, He put his head in his paws and looked at the scratched wood of his table. He held that position for a minute or two before breaking it and placing his paw on my own. “Maarchal, you are my best friend, I want you to feel comfortable. So if you want you can sleep on my coach, I can also help you make your home feel like one."

I shake my head, “no no, I shouldnt of imposed on you. Making myself feel at home is a job I need to do and have been avoiding for far too long. It's just… it's just so much easier to avoid you know?” I grabbed his paw and squeezed it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I stand up and make my way to his front door before he speaks up.

“Uh hey Maarchal?”

I turn to address him “yeah?”

He shifts in his seat and fidgets with his fingers. “I’m uh, going to Ootra lake next week. I was wondering If you'd like… to come with me? I promise if you don't have a tent I’ll bring you one. We could have a fire, roast some meat on it and share ghost stories and stargaze… if you want?”

“ What about work?”

He rocks in his chair. “We'd have to call in for a day or so.”

I contemplated his words and mulled them over. It would be the first time I’ve ever willingly taken off a day, tarnishing my perfect attendance. But the prospect of spending more one on one time with Ponthyt was overwhelmingly tempting.

“Sure, I’d love to go. But I haven't gone camping for years so you will need to bring me a tent.”

He leapt from his chair, launching it backwards, before calming himself down. “I’ll take care of all the prep. You just have to come along. I promise it’ll be loads of fun!”

I chuckled while I watched his clearly restrained display as I slowly closed the door.

I could hear him howl with enjoyment as I turned into the driveway to get to my auto.

**\*

“Huff, Huff, you doin alright there Ponthyt?” I turned back to see him walking behind me.

“Yeah, oof I haven't walked this much in years!”

I waited for him to catch up, we sat together when he did and we caught our breath before tuning to make our way back up the bluff. When we reached it there was a stone gazebo made of limestone. The angle of the sun let it shine into it. We walked into it and sat down on the stone benches. I looked around at the lake.

It was surrounded by steep hills with many rock faces visible, the layered stone was clearly visible. The topography of the area around the bluffs was shaped like a bowl, with the sight of land of higher elevation faintly visible in the distance despite its gradual slope. Giving a scene of depth that was not as extreme then in more mountainous areas. This view was normally hidden by the trees below.

“Well isn't this view alone worth the trip?” Ponthyt proclaimed.

I looked around letting the mid morning sun warm my back, I stretched my arms and breathed deeply. Taking in all the wonderful scents of nature.

“Yeah, it's beautiful.” I let myself relax, just letting the sounds and scents of nature calm me like I have never been since I was a pup on an archeological trip with mom and dad.

“Hmm, I've missed this.”

I don't know for how long I had been like this, but Ponthyt broke the silence “Ahhem, so, you've gone camping before?”

I nodded, “yeah when I was a pup my parents would sometimes go off to a site for a couple of weeks and we would come with them. We would have to get homeschooled then. But we would always have to camp and I and my siblings would go off exploring while they worked during the day.”

He smiled and his tail was wagging.” That sounds wonderful. I only got to camp for a couple days a year. It was always so hectic. Me and my siblings would just muck around the camp and eat, sometimes hiking around. Heh” Ponthyt looked towards the ground and held his paws together, rubbing his digits together.

“What's wrong Ponthyt?”

“Oh it's nothing it's-” I put my paw on his shoulder which drew his attention towards me.

“I know that's not true, you can trust me. Just tell me what's wrong ok?”

He gave a look of reluctance before caving to my request “… sigh… I grew up in a big family, and I love them all but… I was born at a strange time. I was second to last of my parents pups. Which meant they were busy with the older ones' events and taking care of the youngest. I kind of got mixed up and forgotten. My interests rarely lined up with the others and I often messed up tasks that my sibling would just fix or do for me. It got to the point that I… didn't really do anything. They will never say this but… I don't think my parents ever expected anything of me.”

I rub his shoulder,” well… I know that you have amounted to something. I mean, you're an astronomer! You work to understand the nature of reality. You're also so… kind and patient. I tried to scare you off but you weren't deterred at my standoffish behavior.”

He turned his head and gave me a shallow but joyous expression. “Heh well living in a house that's rarely quiet leaves you with a high tolerance for stubbornness. '' he wipes away a single tear “Sniff well… should we make our way back to camp? Or can I take out my stuff?”

I shake my head. ”Nah, you can paint. I’ll just sit here and let this place wash over me.”

He smiles and gets up and sets up his easel, taking out his supplies from his bag and gets to work painting the landscape ahead of him. He was slow and each brushstroke was as deliberate as he could manage. He… wasn't very good, only starting out when he moved here. But his drive to get better was admirable. Even in adulthood he tried to learn, to grow, to become more than he was yesterday.

I kept staring at him. Feeling something warm in my gut, something an academic wasn't supposed to feel. Shame overwhelmed me and I quickly turned away. Cursing myself for having those accursed feelings.


**\*

Ponthyt, returned from his cauto (Cargo auto -> pickup truck) with an armful of wood he brought with us. He set most of it aside and threw a piece onto the fire he had started, causing a cascade of embers to fly into the late evening air. The dull purple of the sky cast overhead between the canopy of the trees as the chill of the night began to come in. A pleasant coolness that most would take advantage of to seek the comfort of warming oneself close to a fire.

Not me, I paced to a fro as Ponthyt set up our campsite. He had placed his painting for the day inside the cabin of his cautoa and was now seasoning some raw meat strips to cook on the open fire. Snacking on one or two as he did so. He hung them on the tripod to roast, the fat that dripped off them as they were cooking sizzled as they burned on the coals below.

“I’ll have these done as soon as I can, please sit down Maarchal. Walking like that is only going to make the wait worse.” He says as he prods the suspended meat with a claw like utensil.

“Hmm, ok I’ll just sit and wait. Waste my time. Make a waste of the whole evening!!!” I snapped back at him, throwing my paws into the air.

Ponthyt recoils from my outburst with his ears pinned back. “ We’re camping, there is no way to waste it.”

I turned to address him, “we shouldn't be here! This trip means nothing and we are just wasting our TIME!!!” I cross my arms and scratch at the biceps. Rufflying the fur and making a mess of myself.

Ponthyt drops his utensil and walks over to me. “ We’re together and we spent the whole day just mucking about. How is this any more of a waste than that?” He says as he looks at me with eyes full of worry.

“We’re scientists, academics!!! We don't waste time like the ignorant masses! We should spend our time wisely!!! Every action of connection is just another moment we waste that could be spent to advance our field.” I had tears forming in the corners of my eyes. Scratching at my fur until I felt a wetness on my arms and paws.

“We’re supposed to sharpen our minds! No-not seek pointless relationships! ” I said as I bared my teeth and began growling at him.

The look of betrayal and abject worry he had on his face was overwhelming. I didn't want to hurt him. What am I doing? He doesn't deserve my ire. My legs gave out and I cried into my hands.

Ponthyt walked over to his cauto and brought out a cover. He wrapped it around me and rubbed my arms through it. He rested his head on top of mine while I sobbed. I couldn't take this anymore. Repressing and lashing out at any attempt to connect. Ponthyt hugged me and rocked back and forth. Humming and rubbing on the cover. He was warm and soft. I don't know how long we had been like this but by the time my sobs turned to a faint whine the meat over the fire was well done and the sky was pure black and the stars were out.

“I-I think i’m good no-now.” I choked out. Ponthyt grabbed my hand and helped me stand up. We didn't say another word. He collects the meat and places it on two plates. I stare at my portion for some time, Ponthyt doesn't eat any of his either.

“Sigh… I know you might not want to but… Could you tell me why you said those things earlier?” He says with trepidation clearly miring his words.

“Yeah, it's just… When I entered college It was… not what I was expecting… I was sort of a hyper teen. Always going off about some book I read. Drawing pictures of stars, space stations or colonies we would make on inhospitable planets.”

He sits up and places his plate by his side. “You draw? I’d love to see some of them.”

“I used to. But I haven't since that first year of college.” I turned to stare at the dying inferno warming us. I pull the cover around me tighter.

“When I was doodling before class one day the professor walked by me. He noticed what I was doing and grabbed my paper. I objected but he just stared at me. When he started to address the class he showed it off and mocked me for wasting my time.” Ponthyt turns his head to look at me.

“That's a dick move, But at least he couldn't do the same when you did it in your free time right?” I turned to him with a somber expression. He seemed to understand the implications though he seemed to be confused as to how.

“He couldn't have gotten into your room right? That'd be a huge breach of privacy!!!”

I grabbed the poker and stirred the coals of the fire. “You're right, he couldn't. But he didn't need to, my roommate would take them with her to class and he’d pin them up on the board to mock. I called the staff but since she was my roommate she didn't break any privacy laws and since my art was only ever worth the paper it was on it wasn't even enough to get a misdemeanor theft charge. I tried to hide it but she would always find them. I tried to get another roommate but he stonewalled my attempts and I couldn't afford to rent a place in town. ”

He took on a look of absolute despair. “... How… how could he be so aggressively intolerant of such an innocent hobby?”

I chuckled “It wasn't just mine, a few others had made the mistake of having a roommate with the same professor. I remembered one who loved going out in the woods for hikes. When he found out about that he mocked him for “Pointless exercise and admiring a random assemble of dead and dying shit””. I waved my arms about to emphasize how he inflicted his words.

Ponthyt stared at the ground between us with a look of utter confusion.” … He mocked someone for appreciating nature and being healthy?”

I nodded, “if you were not engaging with study of his topic you were wasting his and everyone else's time.”

Ponthyt looks at me with concern and shared pain. “Why, why didn't you go to a different school?”

I stared at him in his eyes. A scene of shame overtook me. “It was the top class in the country. My family was so proud of me. I was so proud of myself, I didn't want to disappoint them and me. Looking back on it, I realize my own pride was something I rarely contended with until then. It didn't help when he found out who my family was.”

Ponthyt recoiled and waved his arms in a “what” fashion. “Wait, what does your family have to do with this?”

I poked at a log to knock off the charcoal to expose the untouched wood underneath. “They were happy. He spent a lot of time in academic circles so naturally he met people who knew my parents. And the way they described this happy family irritated him something fierce. He gave me such a hard time with it. Mocking me for being a lazy nepotism pick who didn't deserve her seat in his class. He mocked anyone for having any kind of non professional relationship, we never spoke to each other outside of class. We never left or met with friends or family. If we tried too he’d find out and call the one in question a “Lazy sentimental idiot.””

I breathed in deeply, “... that hurt my pride so severely that I just stopped seeing them or any of my friends. I always said I was busy or had a field study, but I was just reading and rereading his lectures. I didn't even go home for the summer breaks, I just apprenticeshiped at his museum to study even more. At graduation he looked so… proud, I only realized he was proud of what he turned me into and not what I did a few weeks after I met you. How I let him turn me into an angry starile shell of a person.”

Ponthyt turned his head towards the fire. His ears straight up and a soft growl in his throat. “... If I ever meet that piece of.. nuclear waste, I’ll kill him.”

He turns to me and his features soften immediately. “Anyone capable of manipulating someone as passionate and creative as you... I can't even imagine the kind of living hell he made you seek…”

I chucked and a slight wag entered my tail.” I’m responsible for my life. MY pride kept me there for him to mold. I hate him, but I hate myself for it too.”

Ponthyt shoots up and screams at me “MERSHIT, Maarchal, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You had a right to expect your teachers to be respectable people. Not abusive and manipulative Sherkires (Ambush insect. Commonly seen as sneaky and unhonorable due to making pheromones and calls imitating other insects mating signals). He starts to speak softer as he turners to address me.

“Even this version of you, so cut off of why you love space in the first place is just.. You are one of the most remarkable people I have ever met. So humble with addressing yourself. You inspire me to be a tenth of the person you are.” He kneels in front of me and grabs my paws in his own.

“You are… you are so passionate, so creative. Even with being a self described shell. I can't even imagine how you will be when you open up again and explore your creativity in full and banish that monster's influence for good.”

I turn and I can't help but smile at his words.”... I haven't been in practice in years. But … I’m willing to relearn it with you.” I stared deeply in his eyes and that feeling again bubbles within me. The feeling of never wanting to leave his side, the feeling as though I found a piece I had been missing. Before I knew it I bit on his snout, recoiling when I realized what I had done.

‘I-I’m so sorry!!! You were just so close and and I felt something and before I knew it-” I was caught off guard when he bit my snout, holding my top jaw between his own set. I bit down on his lower jaw and we locked together. He tried to let go after a while. But I growled to let him know I wasn't ready yet and I used my leverage to lead him into my tent.

**\*

I got up and exited my tent. I stood up and stretched and twisted my back around. Lifting my arms above my head and pulling them as far out as I could. I looked at the coals still burning in our firepit, I could only tell they were burning from the heat going off of them as the glow was hidden by the sun's light. Before noticing the meat Ponthyt prepared last night still on the plates on the log we sat on.

“Pff, hey Ponthyt. Come out here!!!” I said behind me. He crawled out my tent with a head of messy fur.

“Wut ?” He said with half closed eyes and a disposition of utter exhaustion . I pointed to the cold meat. He still had a look of drowsiness before he realized what the significance of the strange strips were.

“Heh, I guess we won't need to make breakfast?” I chuckled as I sat down and hugged his head. I groomed his messy fur as I absorbed the morning sun. I don't know what the future of my career looked like anymore. But it was no longer the most important thing in my life. I loved space, I loved to learn. But In these years I had lost track of what was truly important. As I groomed him Ponthyt fell asleep with his head in my lap.

As I felt the joy of reciprocal love again for the first time in years I leaned back and watched the sunrise, caressing my love's head and breathing in the fresh air.
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2024.05.15 16:31 SpacePaladin15 The Nature of Predators 2-36

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Memory Transcription Subject: Elias Meier, Former UN Secretary-General
Date [standardized human time]: July 13, 2160
The irritability coursing through my psyche was palpable. Every sound was dialed up to eleven, stabbing at the core of my sensory processing. Constant awareness grated on me after days without sleep, never having any break from the stream of information I needed to digest. There was no way to shut the world off and reset, and no reprieve from the unsettling reality of my physical experience. I was curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth; I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go on like this.
Virnt scuttled over to me in the spaceship, jostling my shoulder. “Elias? Would you like to turn back from this mission?”
I remembered how I’d spent most of the trip, standing under the water in the shower. There was a special shampoo they’d provided for synthetic hair, like a wig. I held out my phony hand and emptied most of the bottle’s worth of goop, zoning out; I was trying to soak in the distant sensation of liquid running down my spine. Once upon a time, this had been the most relaxing time of my day—letting muscle tension fade away and cleansing grimy skin oils. Now, I knew neither of those two still existed in my day-to-day life to assuage.
Did it even matter to slap soap on some metal frame? There were no consequences of letting hygiene go by the wayside. I didn’t sweat in order to start to reek, and I couldn’t get skin conditions or be affected by bacteria. It could be that I was bathing out of habit, clinging to my old lifestyle, that I kept going to wash up. Perhaps the shower had become my favorite haunt because I felt disgusting in this body. Everything was a reminder that I was an inhuman scrap pile, and it was wearing on my sanity. It wasn’t like anyone related to what I was going through.
I used to spend so much time fussing over making my suits look crisp and perfect—immaculate ties, UN pins adjusted just right. The heavy jackets would trap my body heat in the summer; now, it no longer had that effect. I could bundle up as much as I wanted in 40 degree Celsius heat, unless there was some limit that would fry my circuits. Shit, I might not need a spacesuit in the vacuum of space—I couldn’t freeze or suffocate, after all. Being left out in the void for all eternity didn’t sound that much different from my present experience.
I hate what I’ve become. I hate what they’ve done to me; all I do is think, and every part of my new self lives in the uncanny valley. There’s nothing positive. Maybe it’s time to call it…death was better than this. I can’t bear another day of this hell.
“Hey, stay with me! Distractibility, depression, being unable to maintain concentration—these are natural consequences of sleep deprivation. I’m surprised it carries over without a physical mechanism to grow tired…but I’m working on a sleep suite, I promise,” Virnt said, glossy eyes staring at me.
I groaned. “I’m not tired, but it’s just nonstop. I…I’m having trouble remembering what I read.”
“Here, I’m going to try a temporary fix. You look like you need it. I don’t want you to suffer; just turning you off and on isn’t the same. I’m going to emulate GABA, uh, shut off your optic sensors, decrease the activity in your prefrontal cortex, and simulate delta waves for an hour. We can see if it somewhat fills the need for deep sleep, okay? Relaxation, no processing: worth a shot, right?”
I nodded mutely, staying in the fetal position. I didn’t have the will to move, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up that Virnt’s plan would be any mercy. The sensation of the Tilfish tinkering with my settings was strange, as if my brain was being overridden in the moment. There was no process of falling asleep to give it the air of naturalness. Suddenly, I was blind, trapped in darkness—and a modicum of drowsiness kicked in, limiting my movement. Thoughts died down, offering much-need relief; I faintly wished I could remain in this state.
When I came to, there was a sudden influx of information as the rest mode was switched off; it was hardly a seamless waking, but I’d take it. Peace in my own head was something I’d never take for granted again. I hadn’t thought myself to be a weak-minded individual, but I hadn’t realized how much it wore on you: feeling out of place in your own body every waking second, and not trusting your senses. Brain function had been restored enough that I could get a grip on myself, and rise in my disheveled state. A peek out the window revealed we’d completed our intra-atmosphere transit to the Duerten embassy.
I rubbed my eyes on reflex, but there were no gifts from the Sandman there. “Why couldn’t you have just added everything to start with, Virnt?”
“The humans I talked to said they wouldn’t want to sleep, unless they had to! I put the most focus on your emotional matrix and your facial expressiveness, since I thought that has the highest importance of what makes you human,” the Tilfish replied.
“You could’ve made it at least optional.”
“I sent the option to your holopad for the future, to trigger this program for as long as you’d like. This is a learning process, so I’m sorry for anything that’s off. All trial and error here, but it’s only going to get better! That’s the positive.”
“There are a lot of patches needed. For starters, you’re missing two of the senses: taste and smell. In spite of that, ever since I walked past the Terra Technologies staff eating tater tots, I’ve been craving them at random intervals. I’m not hungry—I can’t consume food!”
“Predator instincts,” Virnt teased. “The Federation was right.”
“I’m serious! Why on Earth would that be a thing? I literally can’t satisfy it, so it’s almost cruel.”
“It’s psychological, Elias. I looked into it after I saw it in your transcript. When humans are under a lot of stress or otherwise feeling down, you seek dopamine from food. It’s something familiar that activated your memories, and promised emotional comfort. That’s why you have the phrase ‘comfort food.’”
“I can already see how the Federation remnants would spin that. A predator’s so-called emotions are tied to food, and stimulate appetite to fulfill their whims.”
“You seem in better spirits. To add to your improved mood, we announced the success of your memory transplant to the world. The response was overwhelmingly positive—history looked back fondly on you. You got a lot of well-wishes, and I was able to get almost all of your social media re-activated. At least, the platforms that are still active.”
“I’m…allowed to share my honest experiences?”
Virnt eased me out of the shuttle, into the sunlight; cameras were waiting, causing me to stiffen. “Of course you can. I’m not here to muzzle you, my friend. Quite the opposite, in fact: I want your experiment documented as thoroughly as possible! You’re the spokesperson for—”
I shielded my face from the reporters, who were lobbing questions. “What is this? I don’t have a prepared statement. This is an ambush.”
“Terra Technologies has a mission of transparency, and improving sapients’ quality of life through digital means. We had to announce such a monumental breakthrough, but you’re under no obligation to speak with them.”
“Good,” a warm voice chimed in from next to me, making me jump. “The poor guy’s come back from the dead, Virnt. Give him a break. He’s here to speak with the Duerten Forum and their ambassador, for some semblance of his old life.”
I turned my head, beaming as I recognized her. “Erin? Oh, sorry: that’s Secretary-General Kuemper, isn’t it? You’ve moved up in the world. The United Nations is in good hands.”
“It’s good to see you, Elias. I bawled my eyes out at your funeral. You cared so much for peace and taking the high road; there isn’t a person out there who could’ve handled first contact with more grace. You inspired me, and an entire generation of future diplomats.”
I embraced Erin, who’d once been a passionate SETI researcher giving me all of the bad news about aliens. As we flailed about in the dark to save humanity and adjust to the galaxy, finally acquiring a few friends, she’d become my Secretary of Alien Affairs. I’d trusted her to do whatever it took to stabilize our extraterrestrial relations. It was a bit of a relief to see a positive reaction from someone I knew; I wasn’t sure how my friends would take my return, but I hadn’t been expecting a welcome with open arms. It brought me solace and comfort to know about the legacy I’d left behind, and the ripple effects my tenure had on the United Nations.
It is strange to see how much she’s aged. That’ll be the reality of anyone that used to be an acquaintance of mine.
The alarm bells pinging in my head faded into the backdrop, and I forgot that the wind gusting against my face only felt like a dull push. My mind slipped away from food cravings that failed to get my mouth to water, how there was no feeling of tightness from my dress shoes, and the stillness of my non-existent diaphragm. I was simply happy to see someone I cared about and enjoyed working with, in my old life. There was safety in having a person I trusted to be on my side. My brain snapped back into diplomat mode, falling into a familiar flow of conversation. If I had nothing else, I still had my social skills—an ability to navigate various cultures.
“So the Duerten Forum agreed to meet with the two of us. They know about the Sivkit attack, but not the full threat,” I spoke aloud, after breaking away from the rather soul-affirming embrace. “I read the strategy meetings for briefing them, and I’m on-board to appeal to nostalgia; humanity saving their homeworld was after my time, but close enough to it that I could serve as a reminder. A blast from the past.”
Erin nodded, her security forming a wall between us and the cameras as we walked toward the embassy. “I always wondered what you’d think of modern Vienna, Elias. All of the aliens willing to be here on our world, and to treat us like people. Friendship used to seem like a pipe dream; we were happy if they’d allow us to exist, tolerate us to that extent. Look at us now.”
“I almost gave up hoping that they could care about us, or stand beside us at all. We couldn’t do it alone then. It’s time we remember to stand together—to rise to the occasion once more. I can’t bear the thought of anything threatening our home, or our friends. I saw enough needless death twenty-four years ago.”
“That pain is a lot more recent to you. It’s completely okay to be wrestling with grief. A billion of ours died.”
“We didn’t become the monsters they thought we were, and we pulled through. We revealed their hatred and treachery, and have chosen a future set on rectifying every right they trampled. I’ll always mourn what we lost, but I’ve never been more proud of humanity in my life.”
Kuemper patted my shoulder. “You sound like yourself, my dear old friend. It’s very good to have you back; you were much better at smiling while they spit in your face than I ever was. Let’s do what’s necessary to get the ball rolling with the Shield.”
“I’m right behind you.”
The exterior of the Duerten embassy had a distinct construction style, with metal and concrete forming the bulk of the outside structure; on Kalqua, sturdiness was at the foremost of their priorities. Winds on a normal day could ratchet up to what we’d consider a tropical storm, according to my brief review of their culture. The door was evidently heightened to facilitate foot traffic from humans, despite the exit hatches on the upper floor which seemed frequented by the avian staff. Their personnel could literally fly away during an emergent situation. I tailed Kuemper into the lobby, and noted how much of the inside’s floor was concrete as well. It was resilient and easy to clean, a perfect surface to avoid being marred by talons.
Most of the gray avians used perches instead of chairs, with several staffers working on paperwork at their desks; in private areas, some met with any humans who had business with the Duerten Forum. The lack of reaction to a predator’s approach was new to me, but a welcome change. Kuemper confidently led the way to an elevator, which had the English and German words for “Welcome to the Duerten embassy!” written above the opening. The generic Shield logo was painted on both sides of the door, and emblazoned with a representation of Kalqua. There were no buttons inside, apart from an emergency exit; a camera surveyed us, before a watching staffer summoned the car upward. I felt a jolt as we reached the top floor.
“To be visited by two Secretary-Generals: one of whom is a ghost! Let me express the Duerten Forum’s honor and delight. Not, of course, that I don’t cherish Ambassador Hannah Marston’s visits.” A silver-feathered head poked out of a door at the end of the hallway, past a spacious lounge; his beak was the precise yellow of corn. “Please, come in. Make yourselves at home. Can I get you anything to drink?”
Kuemper shuffled forward, giving me a knowing look. “Water would be lovely for me. Thank you for the warm welcome, Ambassador Korajan.”
“I second that gratitude. Enchanted to meet you. I’m sure you know, but I’m Elias Meier.” Taking a gamble that the ambassador was more than acquainted with our customs, I extended a hand. Korajan strode forward with confidence, ensnaring my palm in his wingtip. “We appreciate you taking the time to sit with us, Ambassador.”
“Just Korajan,” the avian said, feeling my artificial hand with undeniable curiosity. He finally released my grip, and waited for us to get seated. “There’s no need for formalities, especially when I’m in such esteemed company. What can I do for you?”
“We’ve come to seek your assistance in the fight against the Sivkits’ assailants. The Sapient Coalition needs allies to back us against these menaces,” Kuemper stated. “Any help we can get would make a difference.”
“I see. I heard about your unfortunate defeat in your prior engagement, but I don’t see how it involves or concerns us. The Duerten, as you well know, aren’t in the position we used to be. We’ve turned our focus inward for years, shoring up our defenses to watch out for our beloved planet. The potential benefit it might offer you is so negligible that it’s hardly worth increasing our vulnerability. The risk far outweighs the rewards for any party.”
I studied the avian, careful to avoid a direct stare. “I understand that it’s a lot to ask. However, small bits of help from across the Shield can accumulate to be a massive difference maker. We want to stop this genocidal force from getting anywhere near Kalqua; if we play our cards right, you won’t need defenses.”
“Elias—sorry, may I call you Elias?” Korajan asked, continuing after I nodded. “We’re, of course, concerned to have a predatory species with such power and intentions, outside our known terrain. They bear a striking resemblance to the Arxur, and my government does appreciate the advance warning from the SC so we can make preparations. Yet the Forum is concerned by several of your recent initiatives, which would make us doubly unwilling to back your cause.”
“Go on. What initiatives have unsettled you?” I hope he doesn’t mean me, with resurrecting dead humans; that’d hit close to home, and I don’t know how to defend it. “Perhaps we can clear up our rationale and intentions, ensuring that there are no misunderstandings.”
“I hope I’m not impolite to point it out, but my government is beginning to see a pattern in your recent connections to carnivores. The Sapient Coalition is attempting an uplift on one race, despite what we all know happened on Wriss, and has brought them into your mix while they are at war with each other. We’re also aware of these Osirs—a race you are resurrecting to live among you, despite having no idea what they’re capable of. Present company excluded, species that need meat are not trustworthy types. These Osirs are weapons: look at the fangs.”
“Anything is a weapon in the wrong hands. Respectfully, we don’t feel that it’s right to judge a species for their diet. If I’m not mistaken, your own kind were once omnivores, Korajan.”
The Duerten fluttered his wings in acknowledgement. “The Federation changed us greatly—some things for the better, others to erase our intellect. We’re an individualist species, and they tried to make us…what do you humans call it? A ‘hive mind.’ Hive minds, of course, are fiction, yet they tried to make it real. Still, sometimes when you’re changed enough, it makes it impossible to go back to how things were.”
“I of all people grasp that sentiment,” I sighed, without moving an abdominal muscle, reflecting how my life would never be the same in this state. “We believe all sapients deserve a chance at life and happiness. Equality isn’t a principle we withhold based on any factor, and we don’t change species to fit our own whims.”
“This is why we’re content with our relations as is: separate, so we’re not connected to your disputes or obligated to get involved. The Duerten will always have differences between what are considered acceptable behaviors, and our guiding principles and overarching goals.”
Kuemper tapped her fingers on her knee. “Regardless, our choices with the Bissems and Osirs will have no impact or tangible effects on the Duerten. Nor is it a reason to shy away from protecting herbivores, the mandate that led you to stand up to the Federation in the past.”
“That cost us everything. Kalqua took a beating worse than Earth did. We don’t set out to attract the ire of powerful enemies these days.”
“We saved Kalqua. We were there when you needed our help to keep your innocents safe,” I reminded him, knitting my eyebrows with earnestness. “We answer when others call for our help to stay alive; the Duerten know what drives us to answer the bell. Isn’t that worth a smidge of reciprocation?”
“If Earth, or for that matter, Leirn were under siege, we would come. However, it appears to us that you entered their territory, not the other way around.”
“Think of the type of species…no, the kind of governments that would glass worlds. The old-school Arxur Dominion. The Kolshian shadow caste when they were defied. The Krakotl extermination fleet because they hated us. That’s what we see in the Osirs, and the gluttonous killing of Sivkit civilians while refusing to speak. We can’t turn a blind eye.”
“I’m sorry, Elias. Even if I wanted to help you, I don’t have the authority. I’m expressing my government’s position, and I’ve been told the Duerten Forum isn't going to war under any circumstances. I apologize that I can’t be of more use, and regret if you might feel your time has been squandered, leaving empty-handed.”
I shared a look with Kuemper, recognizing that we had been stonewalled; there was an implication in Korajan’s last statement that the discussion on this matter was over. The Forum hadn’t given him any negotiating room, so I didn’t get the sense I could do better than asking for him to take a message. If this was the most friendly party we’d be interacting with, I wasn’t off to a good start wrangling support for an alliance. There were a few other Shield races we could try, but an endorsement from the founders might’ve gotten the whole union on board. We had to find another angle—negotiating with the Fed remnants would be impossible without the Shield as an intermediary.
“Of course we don’t feel that way. The back-and-forth was enlightening, productive communication, as much as humanity would love to stand side-by-side in this endeavor,” I offered. “We appreciate you hearing us out, and do hope you’ll pass along our rationale to the Forum, for clarity.”
“I will,” the Duerten responded. “Your words, as always, deserve to be heard and treated with respect.”
Kuemper followed my lead, rising as I stood. “Korajan, I want you to know I deeply appreciate what you said about coming to Earth’s aid should we ever fall on hard times. That stood out to me, as a reason why our cooperation is so precious and beautiful.”
“I agree wholeheartedly. I do wish you the best of luck in your future engagements; my people hope you emerge victorious.”
“Thank you. Our door will always be open if you have a change of heart.”
In my mind, I had already vacated the Duerten embassy, but it was necessary to retrace my steps to depart the ambassador’s office. Aliens were much more diplomatic in rebuffing us now than in my era, which was the proper way to express disagreements between nations. It wasn’t lost on me that the differences in “behaviors” and “principles” Korajan meant were things such as hunting, omnivory, accepting carnivores, exterminators, and predator disease facilities. The Forum still clung to much of their old lifestyle; the gray avian had stated that some Federation changes were “for the better.” That was telling about how much of their ideology they’d yet to shed.
“Forgive my impertinence, but before you go, Elias…may I ask a personal inquiry? It’s not on my behalf of my government,” Korajan called, as our shoes cleared the threshold of his office.
I turned around, giving him an encouraging smile. “Of course. Go ahead.”
“What…what was it like? To die…to be dead?”
“It wasn’t like anything. It was a singularity of all outcomes: all I ever was, and all I ever could be, condensed to nothing. There are no words to describe emptiness and infinite rest. It’s a peace that knows no equal.”
The Duerten dipped his head. “Thank you. It gives me some…personal solace, to know…to know my daughter is resting peacefully. She died in so much pain after only a short period of remission. Ahem…if you’ll excuse me, I…”
“We’ll leave you in peace,” Kuemper replied, softness in her voice.
I folded my hands behind my back, mulling over the choked-up ambassador’s words. How could I let a few days of mental suffering defeat me, when kids suffered through such terrible diseases—never getting to reach adulthood? This program could give children like Korajan’s daughter a chance to grow up, and be a kid, free from pain. As soon as I was alone, I knew I’d be cast back into a maddening state of consciousness, with my brain struggling to stay tethered to this reality. Where I’d been ready to give up before Virnt’s quick fix, the avian’s story made me want to remain in the fight.
The Tilfish had been right: there was the potential for the technology that had brought me back to do a lot of good, and save others a great deal of heartbreak and suffering. No personal sacrifice was too great to ensure that one day, no parent would ever have to bury their child.
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2024.05.15 10:34 Banancake Ghosts in the Avalanche 15 - A Nature of Predators FanFic

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Chapter 15: For What You’ve Tamed
“We’ve come a long way, Vikri. Let’s finish your story,” Rayner said as he sat down in the same chair, crossing his legs in the same way.; small consistencies that made the task of talking about my past seem a little more routine. “I understand you lost someone important to you that day.”
I shifted slightly where I sat. “Yeah,” I answered coarsely. I grabbed at the poncho hanging over my shoulders. I remembered what it felt like in my dreams. Radiant warmth always seemed to emanate from it. Not necessarily the poncho itself, but Tenga’s memory. I realized that as long as I had those, then he was still here in a way. I’d much rather have him here than his memory though.
Rayner nodded. “I know what that’s like,” he said in a near whisper.
I shook my head. “It’s not just that I lost him. I…I failed,” I rasped. “I could’ve saved him. Maybe if I’d gone back I could’ve gotten the equipment before the fire did. I was too afraid.”
Rayner nodded slowly. “And now you feel responsible.”
I remained silent as I clutched my tail on the couch beside me. Rayner already knew the answer. He pursed his lips. “Yeah…I know exactly how that feels.”
I looked up at him. For the first time, his eyes weren’t on me, but on the adjacent wall as he seemed to ponder something. “You think about all the things you could have done differently. Things that are so obvious in hindsight,” he sighed and adjusted his glasses. “If only it were that clear in the moment.” He looked up at me, clasping his hands together. “So walk me through what happened.”
I could still vividly remember the moment Tenga got shot. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. So quickly in fact, that it even took Tenga a moment to realize there was a hole in his torso. Minutes of continuous tension shattered with a hail of gunfire lasting less than a second. The echoes continued to howl through the mountains long after the bodies met the snow. My friend was fatally wounded, the snow around him dyed bright red with his blood. And I had to leave him.
The entire time I was in the belly of the federation destroyer with danger lurking around every corner, all I wanted to do was to get this done as quickly as possible and get back to him. I was enraged that they’d done this to him and to billions just like him.
“Tenga was all I thought about the entire time,” I croaked. “And I…I was willing to kill everyone onboard to get back to him, even if there was no way I ever could. I… did things I could never have imagined myself doing even just days ago. I tore a chunk out of my leg just to be able to get to the Krakotl pinning me down with a crowbar.” I inhaled deeply, staring down at my reflection in the water, recalling my bloodshot eyes in the reflection of the ship's monitor. The grimly colorful bloodstains in my fur from several different species.
Rayner nodded. “It was a desperate situation. Many don’t see themselves doing things like that until they’re put in a situation where it's necessary. A situation where it's do or die. No one can fault you for that, especially not with all that depended on you.”
“I guess I just…It’s just worrying knowing that there’s a part of me capable of that.”
The doctor tapped his pen on his notepad as he seemed to think for a moment. “Do you worry that you may have violent outbursts?”
I scoffed. “Well, the events of a few days ago provided good grounds for worry.”
Rayner nodded. “Aggression is common for PTSD victims. It can be difficult to manage intense emotions when your mind is already dealing with so much.
I shook my head. “That’s not the person I want to be.”
Rayner nodded. “I know Vikri. That’s why it's so crucial for you to talk about this stuff. The less all of this weighs on you, the better you’ll be able to control those emotions when they arise.”
He finished writing on his notepad before taking off his glasses and leaning forward slightly. “So what happened to Tenga?”
The question made my heart sink. My mind went quiet. The second hand of time sounded like the footsteps of a giant marching toward…something. My body seemed to go cold and numb. “He died…” I croaked, staring down at the table. That was the first time I’d admitted that to myself verbally in such a direct way. “And I tried so hard,” I choked, tears now streaming down my face. “I did everything in my power to save him. I even put Querek’s life in danger.”
I felt the heat. I could feel cold water dripping from my paws as the burning ship melted the frost accumulating in my fur. I remembered the terrifying hopelessness that gripped me as I gripped Querek and pushed him into the snow. He tried to sacrifice himself for Tenga. What if I had let him? Would it have even worked? Could Tenga accept that?
I recalled the story to Rayner, battling to keep my composure. “I…I watched him die,” I choked. “And I was furious. Reese had to pull me off of him. I wanted to do…something, anything, but…he told them not to bring him back. I think he…” I winced at the thought of him considering this. “I think he’d rather have died sacrificing himself over…going rabid.”
Silence perforated the room for what felt like several long minutes. Rayner sat with his legs crossed, his hand propped up against his mouth. He seemed to become lost in thought for a moment before speaking. “I know how that guilt feels,” he admitted quietly.
I looked at him, somewhat surprised. “You do?”
Rayner nodded, rubbing his hands together. “My son,” he said plainly, taking a long pause before he continued. “He and Jesse were very close as kids. Practically brothers.” He tapped on his clipboard with his pen. “I was…not so available in those days. I was a very different man than I am now. I was still in school. I was always busy, always stressed. I hadn't even considered becoming a therapist. I was deadset on becoming a neurosurgeon.” He scoffed at himself, his head gently shaking back and forth as his gaze grew distant. His delivery lacked that matter-of-fact candor I was so used to by now. He was much quieter; less animated. His eye contact was sporadic and he never stopped fidgeting with his pen. Everything about him seemed suddenly mired in an emotion that was difficult to read. That was when I saw everything we'd done over the past few days for what it really was. Rayner wasn't invincible. He never claimed to be. He was hurt; I could hear it in his voice. He wasn't a person reaching down into the mud and yanking me out by the nape of the neck. He was man covered in mud himself. He wasn't an untouchable hero. Merely a guide.
He continued as that realization struck me. “I loved him as much as a father could. But I was so busy that…well I wasn't there as much as I'd like to have been. That put a big strain on our relationship.” He removed his glasses and wiped the lenses a few times before he continued. “One night we got into an argument. He’d just gotten his license. He had an old beat-up car I'd bought him for his birthday,” he chuffed. “A teen’s first car is always…eccentric. Thought it was a great deal at the time.” He sighed and nodded slightly before continuing. “He left the house enraged, speeding down the road. After a few miles, he lost control, swerved off the road, and hit a tree head-on. The airbag never deployed. The car crumpled like a soda can.”
I stared at him, speechless as he concluded in a near-whisper. “He was declared dead at the scene.”
The room felt hollow for a few long seconds. I searched for a reply but couldn't fathom the right words to say. Fortunately, Rayner didn't stay silent for long. “Like you, I blamed myself for a long…long time.” He sighed. “And it nearly destroyed me.”
I stared at the floor, fidgeting with my tail. “How did you…overcome that?”
“Well it didn't happen overnight,” he replied, flashing a brief smile. “It takes time but, at some point, you have to carry on living. You have to continue loving.” His eyes creased slightly as he looked down at his own hands. “You have to keep loving,” he repeated in a low whisper.
Loud silence claimed the room again as his words sank in. He was right. It was either accept what happened or live like this forever. Looking at it that pragmatically, the choice seemed easy. Emotions are never so logical though. It wasn’t as if he relieved himself of that burden either, it was obvious he still carried it. It just…didn’t weigh as much now. Not because it got lighter, but because he got stronger. I eased into speaking again. “I…I'm sorry. About your son.”
Rayner nodded. “I'm sorry about your friend.”
We both stewed in silence for a minute before Rayner spoke up. “We’ll send you home today.”
“You…really think I’m ready?”
Rayner nodded slowly. “I think so. The medication seems to be working, you haven’t had any breakdowns since you’ve been here. You’ve gotten much better at discussing these things. I think you’re equipped to face this now.”
“...I’m afraid,” I croaked.
“Of what?” Rayner asked, leaning forward
“Of…seeing Lucky again. I'm doubting whether I even should. I was never prepared to be her master. I’m just a danger to her.”
“Vikri,” Rayner exhaled and leaned forward. “You made a mistake. We all do. But you have a responsibility to her. You should at least see her and face that mistake, or you’ll never have closure. What you decide after that is your choice, but I don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think.”
“I hope so,” I sighed.
Rayner clicked his pen and set his notepad aside. “We’ve made you some medication to take home, same stuff you've been taking. The plan is to keep lowering the dosage until you’re sleeping without it. We’ve made you some sheets with all the daily doses on them and when to take each one. It’s enough to last you two weeks, then once they’re out, you’ll come back here for another session, then if you need it, we’ll get you more and keep weaning you off them.”
He leaned forward, emphasizing his next words. “And I cannot recommend enough that you go to Jesse’s support group in between our meetings. Those will help you tremendously, I’m sure of it.”
I nodded. “I have his number. I’ll…I’ll give it a shot.”
“You won't regret it,” Rayner assured me. “Jesse was in the same chair as you not too long ago for similar reasons. He has knowledge from first-hand experience. I can vouch for him, he’s a great guy.” He inhaled. “Well, is there anything else Vikri? We won’t be seeing each other again for a while, so if there’s anything else, now’s the time to talk about it.”
I thought for a second. We’d covered almost everything. I’d never discussed those days in so much detail. It felt like being submerged in icy water. It was miserable at first, but over time it became easier, even comfortable. I’d relived so much pain over the last three days, but here at the end of the whole story, It felt less like a nightmare, and more like reality. “No, I don’t think so,” I finally replied.
“Then I’ll clear you to go home. Andrea is here, she’ll give you a ride, I’m sure. Here.” He reached over and handed me a small business card. “That has all my contact information on it. I’m usually here in my office until late at night, so feel free to call if you need anything. If the sedative gives you any issues at all, any side effects, make sure to call and let me know. We followed the recipe to a tee, but it’s wise to be cautious.”
A familiar silence flooded the room as Rayner and I seemed to, for the first time, have nothing left to say. Finally, the doctor spoke. “See you in two weeks, Vikri.”
///////////////////////////////
Golden strands of light danced between the digits of my paw as I moved it in front of the brilliant summer sun. An intense beacon of warmth floating in a sky as blue as Earth’s oceans. The rumble of Andy’s car occupied the air as we cruised down the highway. Vivri was sound asleep in the backseat. The gentle white noise and vibration seemed to knock her out cold. I watched the sunrays dance as I waved my paw in front of me, before turning it around. Several spots on my paw still had obvious scars. I even still had burn scars from the electrical systems aboard the crumbling Cardinal.
I curled my paw closed into a fist and rested my head against it, watching the lush, green mountains pass by in the distance. After three days I was set loose into the world once again, hopefully better armed than I was before. Even after all the weight I doffed from my shoulders in Rayner’s office, a crushing mass still rested on my chest. Lucky.
The weight only became heavier as the car slowed, and rounded a corner into the parking lot of a large animal hospital. Andy gently brought the car to a stop in a parking space in front of the entrance. Occasionally people would walk in and out with their pets, many of which were dogs on leashes.
Vivri stirred awake after we stopped. “Oh…We’re here,” she muttered nervously. “There’s…a lot more animals here than I was expecting.”
Andy chuckled. “It’s an animal hospital girl, there’s gonna be all kinds of critters here.”
I turned around to face her. “You don’t have to go in there. You and Andy can wait here.”
Andy scoffed. “You might wanna tell Rayner they screwed up those meds, ‘cause you’re delusional if you think I’m letting you go in there by yourself.”
“Well I don’t want her to be alone out here,” I argued.
“I’ll go in, just…stay close, please?” Vivri interjected.
I looked back at her, ears tilted. She was dead serious. I sighed and shook my head. “This is gonna be a disaster,” I groaned.
Andy opened her door. “I’ll wait with her in the lobby, you go talk to the vets. It’ll be fine.”
I looked back at Vivri one last time as Andy stepped out. “Alright, just stay away from the cats.” I opened my door and began stepping out into the summer air.
“C-cats?”
“Small felines. They're demons with mind control,” I replied just before closing the door.
Vivri scrambled out of the car and followed right on my heels. “Well don’t just leave me!” she squeaked.
I laughed. “I’m kidding. Well, mostly.”
Walking into the building, I realized that Lucky had been in a very similar place as me over the past three days. The lobby felt eerily similar to the one at the medical center. Everything went silent as Vivri and I walked in. Immediately I could feel dozens of eyes on us. Vivri hid close behind me as Andy gestured for me to follow her to the desk.
I doubted any of the humans there meant any harm, but dozens of binocular eyes snapping onto her in an instant had Vivri more unsettled than she already was. It didn’t help that several dogs were either on leashes or in carriers in the lobby, which were no doubt just as curious. I grabbed Viv’s paw. “They don't see many Venlil,” I whispered. “Just ignore them.”
I approached the desk with Vivri still hiding behind me. “E-excuse me?” I stuttered. The woman at the desk looked up, clearly caught off guard by two venlil standing before her. “O-oh! Excuse me, you must be Lucky’s owner, right?”
“Yeah. Vikri.” I could feel Vivri shivering behind me.
“I’ll let Doctor Gavin know you’re here.”
“Thanks,” I muttered before turning to Vivri. “Are you sure about this?” I whispered.
“Of course! It’s just for a few minutes, right?” Her body language gave an entirely different answer. She seemed like she might faint at any moment.
I looked up at Andy. “Keep her close, would you?”
Andy wrapped her arms over Viv’s shoulders. “Of course. I’ll keep little Vivi safe from all the big, bad puppy dogs and mean kitties,” she said in baby speak, twisting her side to side. She giggled. “We’ll be fine.” Her tone suddenly shifted as she locked eyes with me. “Will you?”
I stood there in silence for a moment. This entire time my heart felt unbearably heavy. Standing there, I felt nauseous. So much so that I made it a point to know exactly where the bathroom was when I walked in. The weight on my chest made breathing a laborious task. I heaved in a deep breath. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in there but…I have to do this. For both of us.”
Andy exhaled and nodded, seemingly just as nervous for me. Right on cue, the door at the back of the room opened with a heavy click. “Vikri?” a male voice called out. An older gentleman in burgundy scrubs surveyed the room. It didn’t take long for him to find me. He nodded toward me as he adjusted his glasses. “Right this way, please.”
“We’ll be right here,” Andy whispered, her hands still resting around Viv’s shoulders, who agreed with a tail flick.
I nodded and walked toward the man, leaving the cozy waiting room behind, and entering a long, sterile hallway. The doctor’s shoes clicked against the tile as he walked just in front of me. The weight bearing down on my chest only got heavier with each step. After a few agonizing seconds, the man finally spoke up as he stopped outside a door. “I’m Doctor Gavin,” he said breathily, extending a hand. “I performed Lucky’s surgery.”
I took his hand with my paw, which he could no doubt tell was trembling by this point. “Vikri,” I choked. “S-so…How is she?”
“She’s good,” Gavin answered in a higher pitch. “She’s recovering remarkably fast. Really lived up to her name.” He opened the door and stepped through into a kennel area as he continued. “The bullet hit one of her ribs and shattered. A couple of fragments pierced her lung, one of them was just inches from her heart. There’re still a few very small ones lodged in her tissue, but we’d be doing more harm than good by trying to remove them. They shouldn’t cause any issues and come out on their own after some time, but we’ll keep track of them with x-rays.”
As he spoke we passed by kennels, some empty, some with dogs that barked or jumped up on the cage as we passed. I scoured each one for Lucky, my dread building with each one we passed. Suddenly, the doctor stopped in front of me. He inhaled deeply. “I should mention…Given the…circumstances of how she got these injuries, me and some staff will stay with you just in case she becomes aggressive. That’s not to say that I think she will,” he added hastily, “she’s been great with everyone here but…you know, just to be safe.”
“I get it,” I breathed. It made sense. If Lucky attacked me, it would be far more deadly than it would be for a human. And I was confident even a human wouldn’t last long against a half-wolf her size. Fittingly, a group of four humans were gathered at the end of the hallway, catchers in hand.
Time seemed to slow as I approached the pen. The staff members all looked over at me with the same anxious expression. I felt like a prisoner walking toward my judgment, and that perhaps it was me that belonged behind these cages. I swallowed and took a long, slow breath as Gavin opened the gate. He walked in ahead of me. “Hey there big girl,” he said in a chipper tone. I heard the familiar thumping of Lucky’s tail against the floor. Gavin chuckled to himself as the remaining four staff calmly and quietly filed into the pen. Once they were all inside, the final human leaned around the corner, looked me in the eyes for a long second, and nodded once.
A new reality awaited around that corner. My sentence was about to be read. It felt so cripplingly helpless; wanting so desperately to finally be reunited with my best friend, yet trembling at the thought of rounding a corner to run face-first into the consequences of my actions. I steeled myself one last time. I nodded back at the catcher and took slow, deliberate steps toward him. I finally rounded the corner, and for the first time since the incident, I saw Lucky.
She lay on a large, fabric bed, with food and water bowls close by. Her right front leg was bound in a cast, tied up close to her body. A large patch of fur had been shaved away around her chest and halfway up her neck. She seemed thinner than I remembered. It reminded me of the scared, hungry pup I’d met so long ago.
Her eyes tracked onto mine instantly, and I felt an ache that defied all imagination. The same gaze that would send almost any other Venlil scrambling down the hallway instead gripped some inner part of me in a cold, numb stasis. I couldn’t move. Part of me wanted to run to her and spill out how sorry I was. Another wanted to curl up on the floor right there and sob, returning to that familiar numbness that seemed akin to the ancient enemy of life itself. The cold. That bitterness that pierced through fur, through flesh, through bones, and any ideal held by the naive child that sat next to Tenga’s corpse that day. It ran through until there was nothing left.
Then, I felt a warmth as if someone had draped a blanket over me. I gripped my poncho around my shoulders, grabbing it tightly. I made a quiet promise to myself there and then. Not a promise to my sister, or my parents, or Andrea. Me. I wouldn’t lie down in the cold. Never again. One more hill.
“Hey Lucky,” I said, my voice coarse and breaking every syllable.
The silence was abruptly broken as Lucky, though seemingly frail, shot to her feet. Everyone in the room shifted, prepared for the worst. I didn’t dare move, but I could feel my heart pounding in my legs, my body preparing to bolt. The staff watched her carefully, their grip slightly tightened around their polls. Lucky made no sounds, only stared at me, her nostrils flaring as she gathered my scent. Her right front leg was useless, immobilized against her body. She shifted her footing to steady herself. Then I saw something that replaced fear with tears. She was shaking like a leaf, never taking her eyes off me. She could care less about the others. She was scared. Of me.
I felt myself fall off a ledge in a sensation I’d become all too familiar with over the last few weeks. Tears streamed down my face, my breath hitching as I brought my paws up to my face. I fell to my knees, the presence of the staff had become irrelevant. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I exhaled between gasps. “I’m so sorry.”
So there it was. My new reality. It wasn’t what I’d hoped for, but it was what I expected. I didn’t know what I’d do then, and I didn’t know now. Could I go on without Lucky? She was the one fortress in the turbulent seas of my broken mind. She was the one I could always count on. The one that I knew would always be there, no matter what. Now I was convinced she was terrified of me.
I sat there a shattered mess for a long moment, tumbling off that cliff and reaching out for anything to catch myself, but found nothing but jagged stones. I felt a hand on my shoulder, Doctor Gavin attempting to comfort me, I assumed. Until I felt something touch my knee. I looked up, thrown out of the spiral abruptly. Lucky was now just in front of me, licking my leg. I froze, confused. She gently laid down, careful of her bandaged leg as she rested her head on my leg, looking up at me. That was the same leg she’d broken months ago. Finally, I got it. “I hurt you, and you still loved me.”
A wave of relief rushed through me and I looked down at her, eyes glossy with tears. I bent down and rested my head against hers. I laughed, though it sounded more like a sob. For the first time in days, I felt whole again.
Lucky still loved me.
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2024.05.15 09:54 Joy1067 Rose of Atalanta

“Well…..frak.”
Those were the only words Corporal James Diogenes could think of to describe his current situation. Behind him, he watched as his comrades turning tail and running away.
“Cowards. Cowards one and all.”
He spit into the dirt towards his former allies then turned towards the other part of his problem.
Xenos. A large army of Xenos, one that was far more disciplined and had far more bodies than command had assumed. He couldn’t remember what they were called or even remember the name of the planet he was on. He couldn’t care for either topic. He wasn’t surprised that the Intel he and his colleagues had been fed was wrong, it often was, but never to this degree. The enemy outnumbered the imperial army forces at least 7 to 1 if not far more. Their tactics were similar to those employed by the imperial army but their population meant they could do more tactical maneuvers, on more fronts, at the same time.
Why the imperial navy didn’t annihilate those armies from orbit, James would never understand. Given his current situation he most likely wouldn’t get a chance to ask. He checked the magazine on his auto-gun, the rifle being rather old by the standards of the current imperial army but its age held up as it punched through most body armor he came across.
“…..Frak.”
He cursed again as he inspected the magazine. Three, maybe four rounds left before he was out? He looked over his shoulder and sighed. The cowards took the ammo with them along with any other supplies they could carry, leaving an empty trench and a few rows of rusty flay-wire.
And James but he chose to stay behind.
A low chuckle escaped him as that thought came to mind. He shook his head as he took his spot in the trench. He wouldn’t win this fight, he was sure of it, but by Terra and in the Emperor’s name he would make them bleed. He would make them hurt.
The few rounds he had in his magazine were gone in no times at all. Four enemies laying in the dust and being trampled by their friends was proof of that. He smiled grimly as he watched his enemies march towards him. They had all bowed their heads slightly, seemingly expecting more shots. That got him laughing. A few bullets and a whole army was shaking before him. He wondered if this is what the primarchs, the emperors daughters, felt like whenever they were on crusade.
He tossed his empty rifle to the side. His smile grew as he held his knife, gripping it tightly as he watched the advancing line of xeno scum. The leather of his glove strained as his hidden knuckles grew white from how tightly he gripped his knife. He considered for a moment what he’d do when the enemy came into the trench. He knew he would fight and die, but he wondered how many of them he’d kill before they took him down.
He reached back behind him, grabbing the Krak grenade he had attached to his belt. He held it tightly and used the middle finger of his knife hand to pull the pin. He held close, holding the striker lever down to ensure it wouldn’t go off until he let go of it. Then he waited.
The world closed in. Darkness tinted the edge of his vision as he watched his enemy march ever closer. Nothing existed save for him and the enemy. He knew what this was. Adrenaline, anticipation, and fear all coming together to activate his fight-or-flight response. He whole body felt charged and he had to stop himself from jumping out of the trench and running…..where? He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t guarantee his body wouldn’t turn tail and follow the rest of the imperial army back to the transports.
He adjusted his cap, scratched his bearded cheek and continued to watch. Watch and wait. That was all he could do now. His breathing grew heavy and erratic, his teeth barred, and a low growl escaped him.
The marching stopped.
He stared and waited.
A ploy? A chance to surrender maybe? Were they simply calling in artillery on his position?
That last thought stopped him. Artillery. Would they call artillery or an orbital strike or some other long distance attack on his position?
No. No, no, no, no they wouldn’t escape him that easy.
He scowled and climbed out of the trench, charging the Xenos line with a roar. The knife was raised over his head, holding it in an upside down fashion, as he sprinted towards his enemy. He refused to die to some cowardly artillery strike, he absolutely refused to be turned into a red smear on some backwater planet that no one would ever remember or care about.
The enemy….ran. They ran! He laughed as he chased after them. It didn’t make sense and he didn’t care. He couldn’t care, he was beyond caring.
“Get back here you throne damned bastards! GET THE FRAK BACK HERE!”
He slowed down long enough to toss the Krak grenade, laughing loudly when he saw it go off and take a handful of Xenos down.
The blood….was blood always so beautiful?
He continued running after the enemy before he stopped again. He stopped running cause something had stopped him. He didn’t understand, his legs were still under him, he was still alive, he could still fight!
“Kraking, bastard, filthy xenos, kill you all-“
“Shut up.”
He stopped talking, the voice snapping him out of…..whatever that was. He regained control and realized why he stopped running. Something had picked him up. He stared down at the ground only to realize how high he was above it.
“Hnngh, let go of me.”
He turned towards whatever was holding him only for his eyes to grow wide.
There stood….a woman. A very big woman with metallic dreadlocks poking out of her skull, her armor exposing skin and flesh in the fashion of a gladiator of old. He stared at him with a raised eyebrow and a silent growl as a twitch of pain or anger made her right eye close for a half second.
“Excuse me….heh….corporal.”
She said his rank as if it was an insult, even going as far as spitting on the ground after she said it. She held up by the back of his flak vest like he was little more than a lost puppy. She treated him like he wasn’t worth even talking to and that he was some stupid grunt who was simply in the way.
Space marines raced past both of them, ignoring them in favor of chasing after the retreating Xenos. They….were gonna steal his glory.
“Let me go damn you, the fights over there!”
The woman laughed loudly. Her head held back as her laughter echoed over the battlefield. A part of him thought her laughter was the most horrific and beautiful sound he ever heard, but it was overshadowed by his growing rage.
“You wouldn’t do-hnngghh-do anything to those alien freaks by yourself. Go home boy. Run with the rest of your fri-“
He swiped at her and smiled widely when he saw a small, paper thin cut open up on her cheek. A small trickle of blood dribbled down her skin as her smile disappeared. Her free hand came up and wiped at the cut. She studied the small swipe of blood on her finger. The cut was nothing, it wouldn’t even scar and she had lost far more blood then this in the blood pits. But something about this man taking a swipe at her, daring to cut her, daring to even consider killing or harming her…..
She smiled widely and put the man on her shoulder.
“You. I like you. You’re mine now little man.”
He tried to jump off but she held firm and turned away from the battle. Her sons would handle the fight. He roared on her shoulder and struggled against her grip, his rage growing as he did everything he could to get into the fight and kill. He wanted to, no needed to spill blood. He needed to kill, he needed to make them bleed.
But this goddess in bronze wouldn’t let him. She walked away and set him down in a space marine Rhino. He didn’t know her, he didn’t know why she took him, and he didn’t care. Instead he sighed and hung his head as he lit a iho stick.
“Don’t worry Corporal, there will be more glory to be had.”
He stared at her. His eyes were bloodshot, his body covered in dust and he felt exhausted.
“Hnngh…frakking….throne damn you….”
She smiled widely at that and pulled the trigger on her chainaxe. She then turned towards the driver.
“On second thought, hmm let’s go. I wanna see what you got little corporal.”
He smiled at that and stood up, popping his neck. He exhaustion was forgotten for the time being as the thought of killing those damned Xenos got his blood pumping and made him want to move.
“By the way.”
The giantess spoke as the rear hatch opened, revealing the same battlefield he had just left.
“My name is Atalanta.”
Please note: I’m not a writer and this whole story came to me while I was in a shower and from my lack of artistic skill. Sorry if it’s trash.
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2024.05.15 05:38 lilithweatherwax Hermione's first espionage operation (following Snape, Philosopher's Stone)

"What did you do now, Severus?"
Severus looks up from the paper he is marking (Carmichael, surprising improvements) to glare at Minerva, who simply grins in response. He carefully avoids looking in the direction of the staffroom entrance, beyond which, for the past five minutes, Granger has been lurking. In what is possibly an attempt to avoid recognition, she has her face hidden behind an enormous book. Every so often, she peeks over the top and glowers at him, a ferocious scowl on her face.
Severus has no idea what he has done to deserve this.
"Absolutely nothing, as far as I can remember," he replies crossly. Minerva, ensconced in a chair by the window, safely out of the brat's line of sight, is finding the whole thing hilarious.
"You know, I did run into the three of them earlier," she says, after a pause. "It seems they wanted to talk to Albus about the Stone, although how they found out about that..."
"Hagrid," grunts Severus, striking out a sentence. Entrusting something to Hagrid and emphasizing its' importance would make sure that the entirety of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade village would know of it within the week. Which, now that he thought about it, was probably why Albus had asked him in the first place.
"Hagri-, oh, of course." Minerva frowns, temporarily diverted. "What was Albus thinking, that dog of his in a castle full of teenagers?"
"The beast is rather noisy, but it is unlikely to injure anyone."
"It bit you!"
To be fair to the mutt, that may have happened because Severus had inadvertently trod on its' tail. He has no intention of admitting this, however. "I suspect the troll had spooked it," he says instead. "You were saying about Potter and his squad?"
"What? Oh, yes, they were very concerned about the Stone," says Minerva. A mischievous glint appears in her eyes. "You see, they believe someone is trying to steal it."
"ME?" squawks Severus loudly. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the girl jump and edge closer to the door. "Me?" he repeats, lowering his voice. "Me, as opposed to Quirrel and his ridiculous turban? Quirrel, who twitches at every single shadow and jumps three feet whenever you speak to him?"
Minerva smiles beatifically. "I've always said that air of menace you cultivate would come back to bite you."
"He teaches Defense!" A job virtually guaranteed to ensure that you would never again be fit to hold a teaching position, one way or another.
"They're still first years. They probably don't know about the curse. Besides, you have to admit it's better this way."
Severus pins her with his most intimidating look, capable of making students confess to things they had never done. Minerva just laughs.
"It is! At least this way they'll just follow you around and stay out of trouble."
Grumbling, he drops his gaze and picks up the next paper (Cauldwalder). A thought strikes him.
"Now that you mention it," he says slowly. "I did find the three of them loitering around the third floor corridor a while ago," – and he had chased them away, no doubt thoroughly convincing them of his nefarious activities – "I don't suppose you know where Potter and Weasley are?"
That stops her short. "Honestly, those three. I told them to let it go!" She stands up. A moment later, a tabby slips past him and vanishes out the door. Severus returns to his marking.
Ten minutes and two papers later, he looks up to find that Granger is still hovering near the door. Scowling, he rises to confront her. He needs to use the lavatory and he will be damned if he has to do so with that idiot standing watch outside.
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2024.05.15 05:01 Radiant-Bear4172 Controlled Burn [5]

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and i hope you'll enjoy it as much as i did writing it
again a huge thanks to u/Objective-Farm-2560 for helping me with my grammar and spelling
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Memory Transcription Subject: Vaill, Venlil Rescue
Date [standardized human time]: November 28, 2136

The paws that went by on that ship were better than the one in the pens. No one was eaten, and no Grays were stalking around. It was like they were avoiding us. No one but me knew where they were taking us, others guessed we were being moved to another cattle farm, which I guess wasn’t far from the truth, but most were quietly stewing in what was likely our last paws. The cut from that thing had healed up mostly, and was now scarring without the proper medical attention.
I didn’t tell the others that we were going to the ‘extinct’ predators home, that would only create more panic, so I kept my mouth shut so that the people here might have some hope. Even if it was a false hope.
The cargo bay that they had loaded us into was a similar dark metal to the cattle facility, but this one was missing the old rusty metal meaning this was likely a new ship. I doubted that these monsters could clean anyway.
They didn’t communicate with us at all. They stopped feeding us and just left us in the cargo bay with a bucket of water and a crate of food. There was no sense of rationing it so it was gone within the first 2 paws of this cattle exchange.
I don’t want to be a human’s play thing, they are just as bad if not worse than the Arxur. I have seen what they did to one another… they are so brutal.. I couldn’t finish the video about them..
A few of the other Venlil around me also had scars. We were lucky to escape that place alive… or were we?
The ship began to slow and the tell tale sign of entering a atmosphere was felt. This was a feeling that I had felt before when I would stay with my father. I used to go with him on some of his colony work. I would stay on the ship so I was never in harm's way.
The ship landed and we saw the Grays for the first time in several paws. I assumed that we were on the predators’ planet, but as we disembarked we were greeted by nothing but us cattle and… an old neighborhood of Venlil design? The Grays herded the last of the cattle off, throwing or shoving them, and once we were all off the cargo bay doors closed and the engines powered back on… they took off and just left???

This didn’t make sense in the slightest… Why would they just leave us their cattle here? There weren't even any predators here to take us just, the empty space of a lost colony.
Then it clicked with me that other predators must already be here and they wanted to hunt us, they were just as bad as i had thought. I had failed these people before, but I wouldn't fail them again.. I just needed to find something I could use, anything.
I won’t let these people or myself be taken by monsters… not again.. I can’t.. I will not fail my job again.. I-
I was pulled from my thoughts as more ships landed around us. I was ready to try to protect these people but they were… of Venlil make…? This had to be a sick joke played by the predators. they had to have stolen our ships. There was no way my people had anything to do with these monsters, they couldn’t be reasoned with.

It has to be predatory tricky.
I watched with bated breath as the landing ramps touched down, ready to be proven right, but to my shock and horror, Venlil medical staff began to come out of the ships and started to load the cattle onto stretchers, and then take them to the ship board.
My head was spinning and I felt sick about what this could mean. Had the Tarva betrayed the Federation and made a deal with these things? No, that wasn’t possible. They made it very clear they would never talk with us prey, let alone make a deal. For the first time I was at a loss.
How had we been sent back to our people? We were food for the Grays yet they had just let us go. This didn’t make sense…
My breathing had become irregular and I started to feel dizzy. Nothing about this made any sense.
HOW WERE WE RELEASED.. What had Tarva don-
I fell back from the shock from all this and was loaded onto a stretcher, my breathing quickened and everything went black.

***********


I woke in a stretcher being wheeled into a hospital room. I pawed at my eyes trying to see clearly and when my vision unblurred I saw a large figure with a black reflective mask over their face and Venlil by their side, I didn’t recognize the tall one. Had we made first contact in the time I’d been gone..? Why didn’t they have a tail?

A growl suddenly came from the tall one that my translator told me meant “You’re safe now, you’re on Venlil Prime. I’m Andrew, and this is my friend Annek. She and I are here to help as much as we can.”
I didn’t say anything. For all I knew this was a dream.. misplaced hope the Arxur wouldn’t just give us back to our people. Annek couldn't actually have made it out alive. There was something that had to be happening. Had my home been taken by the humans that Arxur had spoken about, was this tall one in front of me one of them? Was any of this even real..? Was I still in a pen..?
The Venlil made slow steps to me and started to untangle my fur.
“What’s your name?” the Venlil asked me softly. If this truly was Annek, then how could she not see it was me? Had the Arxur really mangled me so much that my best friend couldn’t see that it was me.
Again I didn’t answer.
How could I just go back to normal after what I had seen? Why was it so hard to just be happy to believe the lie even if only for a while, this was my friend?
I had an uneasy feeling of being watched like in the cattle pens. The comment that the Arxur made stuck in my head, but I didn't see any ‘extinct’ predators.

As the tall thing started to walk over to me with slow uncertain steps, I tensed up and my paw grabbed the fur around my legs. It seemed to slow as I did which showed that it had at least a minor amount of empathy and wasn’t a human, and I began to relax, still perplexed as to why we had been given back. Had the Federation hit the Arxur hard somehow and got us back? Was that even possible?

“hello? Is anyone in that head of yours?” I was pulled back to reality by Andrew shaking my shoulder softly.

“…. Y-yes j-just lost i-in m-my head.” I was stuttering much more than I would’ve liked to, but it was impossible to not stutter. My voice was a far cry from what it once was deep and hoarse from disuse.

“So there is someone in there. What’s your name?”

“U-uh, I think i-it was V-Vaill…”
How was my name that far away in my own head…?
The Arxur had deprived us of anything that let us feel sapient and my mind was reeling from what seemed to be a safe place… why would they let us go? Especially me as I was on the taller side of Venlil..
Annek's ears shot up upon hearing my name. “V-Vaill? You're alive?!”
“Y-yeah, I guess I am…”
“You two know each other? Never mind, do you know when you were taken by them?” the tall thing growled.

“I-i’m n-not sure…”

“Well Vaill, I’m going to check the database for when you were last seen so we can get an idea of how long you were gone, ok?”

I flicked my ears in agreement nervously when he walked out of the room, and I was left with the Annek, who seemed overjoyed to see me after all this time.
“Vaill! You’re alive!” She hugged me tightly, wrapping her tail around me as well.
“I-I didn’t think you m-made it out a-alive, A-Annek… it's g-good to see you again.”
Lacking the energy or the will to say or do anything else, I let myself fall back into her embrace, which lasted for a few moments before she went back to brushing my fur.
After around {20 minutes} passed she had finished straightening my fur. It felt good to feel like a person again, to remember who I was, but I would never be my full self again, not after what those things had done to me…

After some time Andrew made his way back with a holopad. He tilted the screen so that I could see, fortunately it was in Venlil script so I could read it.

“I-it's been f-five months…” It had felt like an eternity in that nightmare, time slipped away from me. I’d been stuck in my own head, wondering if there was a way I could’ve done more to protect the people of my town, knowing I failed.

There is nothing left for me here anymore, the people who cared for me, gone…
I was a failure for not doing better and protecting them, I should’ve done better.. I failed Annek, she is the last thing I have.. But she deserves someone who can protect her.. She doesn't need me…
“So you two know each other?” the tall thing growled, which snapped me back to reality.
I remained silent, unsure on what this thing was but Annek didn’t seem to mind it, so it was clearly prey like us, which meant I should start calling it by gendered pronouns. They seem male, at least by Venlil standards. I was not sure if this is real but Annek was all I had left. Even if this was a dream, I would trust her.
“Yeah, we met a long time ago. Vaill and I were best friends up until he was taken by them.”
“I-I.. yeah, we met d-during s-school..”
My head was spinning, still caught up on what that Arxur had said… humans… but there were no ‘humans’ where I had been offloaded, there were only Venlil.. That meant that the humans must be here… but no one was panicking and if there were predators here, people would panic, wouldn't they?
I trust Annek, I need to ask her about what the Arxur said…
“A-Annek… d-do you k-know.. If there a-are h-humans h-here..? The A-A-Arxur s-said we w-were b-being sent as ‘p-pets’ for them…”
The happiness from Annek drained as her ears drooped. The tall one, Andrew I believed they called themselves, froze and took a step back. Why would he do that? Unless… unless h- it was…
“A-Annek?.. W-what… what…”
It looked at my best friend.. like it had forward facing eyes, which confirmed my suspicions and my fur puffed out with fear and my ears pinned back against my head. I pushed my paws on the bed and tried to get as much distance as I could. It was standing in the doorway so I had no way out. My worst fears had been proven true, the Arxur wasn’t lying, we had simply been moved to another cattle farm… one that was once my home… Venlil Prime had fallen to the monsters I wanted to protect it from.
“Vaill there's no need to overreact, the humans are our friends, Andrew is my exchange program partner, he hasn’t hurt anyone. I can’t even imagine him hurting anyone,” Annek said that… with confidence? Why would she lie for a predator? Why was her tail wagging!?! It was like she trusted this thing, no, it was like she LIKED it?!
“H-has the taint r-really gotten to y-you, Annek?”
“Vaill, the humans are the ones that saved you!”
How could she say that after what predators had done to me! I knew this was too good to be true.
Annek was blind to their trickery and yet she was so sure of herself.. I trusted her.. But not that thing behind her..
“H-how can you trust it?”
“He has done nothing to hurt me. Please, just give him one chance.” Her eyes and body took on a pleading look.. Damn it, why was she so good at that?
“F-fine, one ch-chance, but that's it.”
That same happiness returned back to her and almost fell over by the door where it caught her.
She may not see it, but I do, I will atone for my mistakes by proving that these humans are up to something. It shouldn’t be hard, I just need to make it to an exterminators office. ‘Till then, I'll play along with it’s game.
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2024.05.15 01:50 kliqIMB Dear (Past/Present/Future) Funhaus: I'm Sorry

I've started and stopped writing this post at least two dozen times over the last few months. Ever since the shutdown announcement, I've felt like I wanted to express my feelings the best way I know how: an overly verbose and, (probably more than) somewhat meandering screed. But every time I sat down to really put thoughts to the proverbial paper, there's been something holding me back. Whether it was a timing that didn't feel appropriate, my own insecurities about trying to distill years worth of emotions into something that was even remotely readable, or just general procrastination (let's be honest, it's at least 50% that), I sit here now realizing that the May 15th shutdown for the RT website wasn't the actual "last day" for everyone. So, my first apology should be for missing the mark here entirely. My second should be for how long I anticipate this being.
Even now, I'm trying to really formulate how to begin what all I want to convey. I guess I can start on a day that's come to, in a very cosmic coincidence sort of way, represent some of the worst times in my life. April 25th. In this particular case, let's go back over a decade, before "Funhaus" had started, to April 25th, 2012.
It was getting late. My best friend—let's call him Ryu—and I had just finished playing some Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm on 360. I had invited him to come hang out at the place I was living at the time (both of our boss's basement) since he'd been in a bad place recently. His ex-gf had called me earlier that day and asked me to do a wellness check on him. They had broken up recently and he wasn't taking it well. We were chatting about where we were going to try and grab a late bite when I saw some movement outside of the front door. Before I had time to process what was happening, several armed figures entered his house. He was pinned to the couch, and I felt a searing pain flash across my face as I was punched in the mouth, lifted from the couch, and slammed to the ground; jettisoning my shoes in the process. We were handcuffed as they searched the house. I thought it was a home invasion. I fully accepted that I was going to die if they were going to try and move us. Luckily for me, a few moments before I was planning on trying to make a run for it, a detective came in and led me outside. I was met by a dozen cop cars, SWAT vans, and other law enforcement vehicles. Turns out, his ex-gf had called the cops and swatted us with a false rape claim. I was booked for "obstruction of justice" and spent a few hours in the county drunk tank before my parents could come post my bail. As I was leaving the jail, I caught a glimpse of my friend sitting in his cell waiting to be processed. The light completely gone from his eyes; soul darkened. I knew in that moment I had lost him forever. Three months later he committed suicide in his car.
A few years later, I was working a retail job. I had gotten the gig from a friend—we'll call him Sky—who also knew Ryu. In fact, Sky had trained Ryu at a previous company, and then Ryu trained me. Sky went onto to this new company, and Ryu followed shortly after. Unfortunately, due to his arrest, Ryu was let go from his position. I was now picking up where he left off. Following in the footsteps of the only person I had ever considered an "older brother". One morning, Sky says he's found this hilarious new YouTube channel. It's these guys. They used to be called Inside Gaming, but they went rogue from Machinima and started something new with Rooster Teeth. It was called "Funhaus" and they did comedy gameplays. I was vaguely aware of all the words he said. I knew RvB but hadn't kept up with it. I knew all the AH personalities because I was (and still am) hopelessly addicted to achievements. But until this point, the only real YouTube stuff I kept up with was Extra Creditz. It just wasn't something I really consumed in that way. That was all about to change.
Funhaus was an instant rabbit hole for me. I think it was about six months after the channel launched that I was introduced and I cleared the back catalog in two weeks max. The humor, the gameplay, the way everyone riffed on one another. It was the first time I actually listed to an entire episode of a podcast. I was fully bought in. It also didn't hurt that both Sky and I agreed that Lawrence reminded us so much of Ryu that it was almost uncanny. From the weeb tendencies, to the bombastic pontificating, to the frame of glasses he wore. It wasn't a perfect facsimile, but only being a few years removed from the incident it was an oddly comforting form of catharsis. And so, I began my daily ritual of watching the newest Funhaus video. Monday's in particular I remember opening the store and eating my chicken biscuit every morning while watching the newest Demo Disk. I would often get asked by my teammates, "What are you watching?" and they'd have to politely sit through a short dissertation on Funhaus and why it was the funniest thing on YouTube. There was one such conversation that always stood out to me that went something like this,
Co-Worker: "You know kliq, I see you in here on your lunch break every single day watching a video on your phone. About half of the time you can't even breathe you're laughing so hard. So I looked over your shoulder the other day and it's just three white dudes playing a video game? How can it be that funny?" Me: "Lemme show you something."
I pulled up the gameplay of James yelling at FIFA 2006 and I had converted another fan.
The years from 2015-2019 are some of my favorite Funhaus memories. Not in a "I hate Future Funhaus" way, but just as sort of going through my mid-20s and starting to become a person. I know it became a common joke to talk about the parasocial nature of YouTube channels around this time, so pardon me for this bit of cringe, but in a very real way I felt like I had discovered several long-lost older brothers (and one sister). I knew that I didn't actually know these people. But the caricatures they played while performing for the camera became a very impactful part of my life. Much in the same way that a good character in a book or a TV show can resonate with you in ways you wouldn't expect, the Funhaus crew informed a lot of my sensibilities. They taught me about comedy, they gave me different perspectives through which to the view the world, and, in a very real way, helped me navigate away from some of the online cesspools that I would have otherwise probably succumbed to. It was during this time that I also met the crew. I went to a PAX East Panel where I was front-row for the "De-pah-ted" gag over and over. Afterwards, we went to world's oddest meet-up location (a children's science museum) where everyone queued up to meet each person individually. Everyone was incredibly kind and funny. The next year the meet-up was smaller, but I trudged through the snow to stand in around the upper floor of a mall to chat with Lawrence and Peake. The next day Lawrence was MCing a competition and I won some free swag after beating some people in Jenga. (We never did figure out how to eliminate multiple people.) This was also around the time that I finally signed up for RT First, specifically to watch Arizona Circle on repeat.
It's around here that my Funhaus story takes a turn and it's really the reason I feel most compelled to apologize profusely to everyone that worked there. The pandemic hit me hard. In 2018, I was laid off from a job and spent six months unemployed with absolutely nothing. I was paying my rent on my credit card (among other things), and would buy my friends groceries on my cards to have them pay me cash so I could pay the minimums. I had to move across the country for a new job and I left everyone I ever knew behind except my wife. But for those first two years, I knew I had Funhaus to keep my spirits afloat. Then the lockdown. I fell behind on everything. I still remember the last video I watched all the way through. It was the murder mystery yacht video where everyone dressed up. For whatever reason, I just... stopped. Before I knew it, I was six months behind in my videos and then everything happened with Adam and I sort of just floated away.
I kept telling myself I would come back. I kept saying I could still catch up. But suddenly it was 2021, and then 2022, and I still hadn't watched a single video. I would see Reddit posts about how "I miss the old days" and "What's with this new cast", but whenever I would see a clip, I would laugh as hard as I always had. For whatever reason, I just couldn't come back and watch episodes. Toward the end of 2022, I was experiencing the lowest point I had in nearly a decade. I was extremely depressed and could barely focus on life. I decided then that I was going to restart at the beginning. I was going to watch the entire Funhaus catalog for a big, grandiose project that I would publish for their 8th anniversary in 2023. I made it about six months deep into the catalog before I succumbed to more despair. I had to take time off of work. Then, on April 25th 2023, I was laid off from my job. (I told you this day sucked.)
Fast forward to this year, and I'm realizing that I'm watching some of my absolute favorite people in the world present their last versions of themselves on stream on the one-year anniversary of me realizing I was jobless again. I cried all the way through that stream. James's speech at the end had me in absolute shambles. I almost still can't reconcile that this is all ending. I know that some people reading will probably think it's gauche to compare Funhaus ending with the death of a best friend and losing my own job, and I wouldn't necessarily hold that against them. It's funny how certain things link themselves in our minds. One of the hardest things to reconcile about losing Ryu was that I wouldn't be able to do certain things with him anymore. We couldn't watch the newest cours of anime, we couldn't talk about the fact that Bayonetta actually got a sequel, or that I finally managed to finish all of the Final Fantasy XI achievements before he did. In the same way, that feeling of missing out on the unknown future is what breaks me down to my core. It is highly likely that we'll never see all of those incredible people in the same room together in the same way, and the world is worse off because of it. That really applies to Rooster Teeth as a whole as well. I've always been more of a Funhaus fan that RT in general, but I really can't understate how incredible the talent at Funhaus always was.
I'm sure everyone wanted to, over the years, work at Funhaus because they liked the cast, or they thought being a YouTuber was a glamorous job. Some might even go so far as to say it was their dream to work there. I am one of those people. But, I literally mean it was my dream. For as long as I can remember, I have had extremely vivid dreams of just working at Funhaus. Not necessarily being on camera, not even like doing a gameplay. I mean I would dream about sitting down at a computer and getting instructions on how to edit a video. Or, I'd be interviewing for a position to intern/help out. I'd be in different offices throughout the years, answering emails, creating production schedules, just interfacing with everyone as if they were my co-workers. In fact, just this past Saturday I had one of these dreams. Probably from realizing that the 10th was everyone's actual last day. But I showed up, and talked to James about an edit on the "final video". We compared notes, and then him, Bruce, and Patrick all walked out together singing a Tenacious D song as they shut the doors to the studio. (Look, I didn't say they always made sense.)
Again, I know there's a certain level of, "You don't actually know these people," at play here. And I'll readily admit that we don't know each other from... uh.... Eve. But, that never mattered to me. Sure, I always thought, maybe if I could get a job there and prove myself that a natural camaraderie would develop like any good workplace. But that didn't matter to me as much as just being part of something. I ardently believe that the Funhaus crew are some of the most talented entertainers to ever put their likeness to video. In the same way, that someone might want to act alongside Tom Cruise or be in a Steven Spielberg movie, I wanted to work with Funhaus. In 2021, when I turned 30, I wrote down a list of "30 people in my 30s" that I had aspirations to do something with in terms of media creation. Despite not having watched them in some time, Funhaus was still top of my list.
So, I'm sorry. I'm truly deeply sorry. I'm sorry that I fell of watching the videos. (The grand tragic irony is that when I heard the news about the shutdown, I started watching the newest videos and was laughing just like old times.) That I wasn't there in the trenches when things were roughest. That I wasn't able to, in the only way a random viewer can, support the channel and the people within, in the same way y'all had (unknowingly) done for me for years prior. I know that a single view probably doesn't make a difference in the grand scheme of how thing shook out. But I can't help but feel some complicity in the declining view count. I know people move on from projects, or they morph over time, but I truly wished I could've tuned into the channel decades from now and still heard the comforting voices that had become so familiar.
I don't really have a great way to end this section of the post. If you've read through all of this it probably means you're either taking massive dump and you're hitting your second flush right now, or some of these sentiments resonate with you too. In either case, I thank you for affording me the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings here. I'm honestly not sure how fluid this will end up being, and my editor brain is telling me I should re-write about 90% of it. But it's now or never.
To any past/present/future Funhaus employee who might see this, thank you so much for all you've done for people over the past decade plus of entertaining. If I can oblige just a few more moments of your time, I wanted to speak directly to each of you as a final expression of my adoration and thankfulness.
u/fh_James - It's truly fitting that the first and final shots of film posted to the Funhaus channel are of you. It took me a while to truly understand how much of the backbone of the channel you were. Throughout the years, you always challenged the way I thought about comedy and how to make things funny. You were constantly one-upping yourself with the way you crafted your humor. This, coupled with your deep sincerity, loyalty, and strength of character always made me think you'd be the "last one out". Thank you so much for all of your work on Funhaus, thank you for Talking Stalkings, for Arizona Circle, and for everything else. Thank you for answering my tweet about a limited-time "Sonic Makeup line" that allowed me to enshrine myself in some small way in Funhaus lore. Your ending stream speech touched my heart deeply, and I hope that you are able to take some time to yourself before find the next big thing. (Obviously, steaks.) I still have hope that one day I'll be afforded the opportunity to work with you on something.
u/FH_Elyse - Thank you for bringing such a genuine warmth along with sharp, witty comedy to the channel. Funhaus would truly not be 1/10th what it was without your contributions. The characters, the off-scene work (the pony-tail clip is still hall of fame), and everything in between. I'm so happy you've branched out into doing creative writing work, and I hope you continue to find success there. I also want to thank you for being the only reason I could convince my wife to ever watch a Funhaus video. She adores you and thinks you're so funny. Having you come on finally allowed me to share a small part of Funhaus with her and for that I'll be forever grateful. I'd also be remiss to not include one of my favorite anecdotes. After you joined, we were talking and I mentioned that you and James were married, and my wife asked, "Which one is he again?" I pulled up a picture and she replies, "Oh, the hot one. That's my girl."
u/FHJacob - Funhaus's badboy the OG "editor". Thank you for all the years of hardwork you put into making the "Funhaus" style a thing of beauty. I was so happy when you started doing on-screen videos. Your absolute unabashed passion for different nerdy endeavors is truly infectious. The ending to Star Boys was incredible and watching you and Rahul quote the entirety of three movies at once another will always be something I treasure. One day, I hope you can school me on some Gundam lore.
u/FHBruce - I know you've moved on, but not only were you an integral part of my formative Funhaus experiences, but there's something I've always wanted to tell you. In your "Goodbye" video, there's a section where everyone is describing your management style and how you led the team during your run at FH. When that video dropped I immediately sent my manager at the time the section where Omar is talking about your leadership. That whole portion of the video I have maintained is how I think everyone should talk about their leaders, and is something that I strive to work towards in my own personal job currently. I know that is but the smallest window into your management style, but it's pushed me to be a better overall leader. So thank you.
u/rufhaus - Autumn, I'm not positive if you were ever technically "Funhaus" but I loved your stint on Inside Gaming and Sugar Pine 7, and I think you've more than enshrined yourself in the eternal codex of this channel. Very happy to continue to see you thriving, and obviously much congratulations to both you and Bruce for your child. I'm glad we all got to experience your talent throughout the years.
u/FH_Omar - Speaking of you Omar, thank you so much for everything you've done over the years at FH. I still remember the "Where in the World is Omar" bits on Open Haus, and learning that you were super into heavy music. I was like, "This dude has dope kicks AND can crowd kill. Let's absolutely go." I mentioned above that you talking about Bruce in his goodbye video was inspirational. In having watched all of the current "goodbye" content, and the way that everyone has talked about you since, I hope it's not too out of line to say that I think you've probably embodied those exact same principles in your leadership. Again, I have only what I'm seeing externally to go on, but from the way people talk about you, to the emotions you've worn on your sleeves during the shutdown, I believe that you're an awesome person to work for and with.
u/SirLarr - Lawrence, I should take a moment to apologize for ambushing you with what I'm sure was a very confusing story to hear at children's museum. "Hey dude you remind me of my dead friend so that's part of why I got into Funhaus," is maybe the worst first sentence I've ever spoken to someone in real life. So again, I'm terribly sorry. But I also want to say how awesome it was to watch all the stuff you did over the years at Funhaus. I know from still watching your content now that there's some level of grime that covers those years and they aren't the fondest to look back on. But I do think things like Time 2 Hakk, Quintessential Gamer, Hard Nettin' were such touchstones of Funhaus content that will live on forever. From an outside perspective, it seems like you're doing well, and I'm excited to keep seeing you on BYTT and IGv3(4?).
u/RyanRyanReddit - Ryan, my dude. I literally don't know if I could even adequately describe just how much you've made me laugh just by literally being you. I have a file in my notes app called "Real Life Stories" where I have a few words that trigger a specific memory from my life about some absurd happenstance that I found myself in. I feel like every time you tell a story, you're pulling from your own file like that but it's five thousand times longer and more interesting than mine. You're a supremely talented and funny dude and I'm so glad you were brought into Funhaus and ended up staying as long as you did. I hope to see you on Survivor 47/8/9! (I think I have Charlie for this season.)
u/hohnjolland - John, the perfect musical addition to the team. I'm so thankful for all of your awesome tunes, sick edits, and willingness to dive into the bit over the years. You brought an different vibe / flair to the videos you were in that always had me thinking, "Why is this dude the coolest person in the room." I've got my sub to Pour Choices Kitchen locked and loaded, and it has somewhat got me considering picking back up my own mantle "Chef Dude Jour" again. I hope that PCK is successful or you're able to explore other avenues as well. Also, I'm the guy from Gastonia that was in the chat. DM the location of that fish place in Lincolnton.
u/FH_Jon - Jon Deux. Man. I still remember when you first started appearing on videos. The chaotic energy, the commitment to bits, you've got some absolutely all-time classic FH moments under your belt. I'm super thankful that you got to be part of this crew and share your weirdness (complimentary) with the world. I know you put up the video a few months ago about your mental health, and I hope that things have gotten better. As someone who also struggles with depression, I know how devastating that can be sometimes. I truly wish the best for you man. Thanks for all the laughs.
u/linzbot - We're approaching territory where people were onboarding right as I fell off, but literally every single video I've seen since the announcement, not to mention your contributions to the streams has filled me with joy. I'm so glad you made the transition from Cow Chop to Funhaus, and, if there's nothing else I can say in adulation, it's that you blessed us with the absolutely perfect sign-off to something that meant so much to all of us. I had to pause at least a dozen times watching that documentary to cry, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. A truly stellar capstone to a truly stellar run.
u/mc_lotta / u/snackary__ / u/HandsomeMaster2 - It would be somewhat disingenuous of me to applaud the entirety of y'all's run at Funhaus because I, foolishly, missed so much of it. But what I do remember is how this trio absolutely crushed Inside Gaming, and how excited I was when I heard everyone had made the jump over to FH. Charlotte, your sardonic quips and joke delivery have always made me laugh. Patrick, I watched the entirety of the Demo Wheel run and I was amazed at how incredible a foil to James you were. Then, I watched a smattering of other content and realized you're the perfect foil in nearly every video. I'm so excited to see that both of you and Jacob have started up your goblin activities. Zach, I'm sorry I missed your true FH run. I was supremely stoked (and unfortunately subsequently saddened) as a fellow games industry person to see you rocking out on CoD socials. Hope you're doing well.
u/Gargarbinks - Brian! Screw it. Inside Gaming is basically Funhaus, so I'm including you here too. I've been watching you deliver gaming news for ages and I'm so thankful that you were part of this entire journey. Loved seeing you on Inside Games (legally distinct entity) and I hope the games industry never loses you. If anything, I know at least one other person who will freak out if Dragon Quest X makes it's way westward.
u/MadMattBT - No idea if you still peruse these parts or use Reddit anymore, but I just wanted to say, in addition to all the amazing work you put in as an editor, as well as the absolutely CLASSIC appearances as Hitman, thanks for being open about your faith and ideals while working at Funhaus. As someone who is also a Christian, it's always nice to see people who are comfortable enough in their beliefs to not only poke fun at themselves, but also embrace other viewpoints.
u/harmonygrits - Really getting into the archives now, Joel, I know your run on FH was short(ish), but I really did enjoy whenever you'd be involved with a video. The whimsical, but also oddly parental like vibe you brought to videos (despite your most well known meme maybe being liking something called "Unicum") were always a delight. Since then you've showcased your skills in for other content creators, and even now you've been giving away your fount of knowledge for free in some very interesting Medium articles. The industry itself might be in a worrisome state, but there's hope that people such as yourself will find a better path forward.
u/Spooleo - Spoole. The original "Goodbye" video. Thanks so much for all the laughs during that opening era of Funhaus. I'm not sure I ever agreed with the 1 Dollar 1 Hour premise, but it certainly made for some entertaining videos. And hey, your current gig ain't so bad itself, yeah?
u/charalanahzard - I was so supremely stoked when you first started showing up in videos because you fell so naturally into the format it was uncanny. I had enjoyed your games industry coverage up till then, so I thought I was getting the best of both worlds. So supremely thankful for your time at Funhaus and even now continuing the Deadly Premonition dreams alive and well on your stream. Not to mention the slate of podcast content you've been producing for some time now. As someone who is also hopeful to one day write for games, your journey has been inspiring. I hope to see your book come out as well! (If that's your goal!)
u/RahulKohli13 - Dunno if you consider yourself a Funhaus "member" or not, but given how much joy you've brought me through your involvement with their videos, it wouldn't feel right to not include you. Boyfriend videos, Sundered, Talking Stalkings, and everything in between, I couldn't be more thrilled that you were part of this journey. Also, selfishly, I miss you posting on Twitter. Those last few years were just great fun, but I understand why you left. I try to watch everything you're in. Mike Flannagan has an eternal fan because I just wanted to see more Rahul Kohli. You even reinvigorated my love and passion for football. YNWA. (I assume we just never talk about this season again, yeah?)
u/mandodoesstuff - Mando! Your Funhaus run is definitely in my personal time away from the channel, but one thing that consistently happened during that period was I would see clips with you in them and I would always, always laugh. I thought you were incredible during Last Laugh Season 2, and I've caught some of your RTP rebrand and subsequent Zazlav diss tracks. You're an incredibly funny and talented dude and I'm absolutely following Midnight Snack to see where the next thing takes you. (Yes, y'all should make a Patreon.)
u/filmDstryr / u/thenasacova / u/adambrouillard - So I couldn't find any of y'all's actual Reddit accounts, but these are your handles elsewhere so maybe this will work? For some reason the three of you are tied together in my mind as all having started at relatively the same time and were always the "Oh, there's Dan/Don/Bones!" excitement when you'd show up in a video. Dan, I loved your stuff on Filmhaus and Board as Hell, and I hope that Funhaus Avenue... I mean "Fhave" takes off. (Yes, I made that joke on Twitter already). Don, I still randomly quote "Michael Transactions" till this day. Just all-time incredible character work. Bones, I'll never get your insanely cool random nickname that's only used at Funhaus. To all three of you, thank you for your tireless efforts across all your time at the company, and for helping create some of my fondest memories.
u/therickreveche / u/ekombokom / u/HeyYoItsGabz - Rick, Justin, Gabs; first, I'm not positive if any of these accounts are actually y'all, so I apologize that I couldn't sleuth down your official accounts. Second, I completely missed the entirety of y'all's FH run and that sucks. Rick, I saw your work on the finale stream with the climax of what I assume to be an astoundingly good FH Wrestling show that I fully plan on watching in it's entirety. But I know that each of you contributed your talents, time, and effort to creating content on the channel and for that I'm forever grateful. I'm sure that as I (re)watch everything it will make me feel even more foolish for the time I missed out on.
I think that's every on camera person from the entire run. I've been writing for *checks clock* five hours now, so I'm going to feel like a real chump if there's some sort of glaring omission from this list. I also had originally wanted to see if I could track down a list of all the editors, interns, and other employees throughout the years that were either never on camera or only on there briefly, but I couldn't find a cohesive enough list that felt "right", so I'll just dedicate this final paragraph to everyone else that has ever contributed to this behemoth undertaking. No matter how "small" a part you may have played, it all worked toward a common pursuit that has impacted millions of people's lives over the course of a decade. I'm so thankful for everyone who ever walked through those doors and sat down to work on Funhaus.
Okay, this was even longer than I anticipated it being. If anyone has read this far, I just want to say... please get off the toilet. I'm sure your legs are asleep. If you're still taking a dump go see a doctor immediately, that's not normal. See ya!
submitted by kliqIMB to funhaus [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 01:35 D0WNGR4D3 Beast World #62: Rough Trails & Rougher Trials

Michael stepped through the dark woods at a slightly above leisure pace. The first rays of the dawn's light haven't yet penetrated the ironclad cover of the forest's canopy. Its thickness held together the shroud of darkness below, only small shreds of it peaking through rarely. Although he knew he walked a familiar path, the reduced visibility made the walk nearly alien, with a stumble here and a trip there, an uncertainty started to seep into Michael's chest even if he didn't know it.
'Alright. It is going to take a bit to get there, but I'll be making it in time. So... daeman. Based on what I know they are just basically pink demons. Ok, ok, ok... I've done this until now on a dime... I just... phew... just gotta do my character research. Yeah... just like theater. Literally it is just theatrics. So... what's a demon? Well if years of playing dnd thought me anything is that they are either feral, unhinged and nuts OR eerily calm, imposing, calculated and scheeming. I did both of those and a demon that can do both is even worse. Just gotta switch between those when it makes sense. Mhmm... so personality wise... basically gotta switch between one of those pointy eared muscle covered hounds and a chihuahua that can actually bite, not just bark.'
While the nervous human revised his 'role', he'd already start to adjust his body language. As if by instinct he'd lift his shoulders and roll them back, his spine popping as he straightened, shoulders relaxing and dropping at ease after that. This move would straighten his posture entirely and push out his ribcage and chest, something his mother drilled into his head over the years as being a confident, yet relaxed posture when done right. He'd straighten his head's posture, from the neck, which nearly made him look like it was positioned up from a downward perspective, requiring him to literally look down upon someone with his eyes. His hands were curled up nearing to fists, yet hung relaxed, as if to show an eager readiness for violence. As a last touch up instead of stepping quietly as he got used to over the years, he'd let his steps announce his presence, as one who's afraid of nothing would.
After traveling a bit over half of the treck towards the river and where the Rock Backs would be situated, there would be a clear sight of lights up ahead in the distance, clearly from torches. Michael would gaze at them with a bit of confusion, but regardless he kept on walking closer and openly. Slowly, three figures would be more visible, one of them turned showing as to either be themselves striped or have brown stripes painted on their back.
Only half a second of hesitation would pass as the human took in a deep breath and he then shouted out. "Ay! You three. You're with the Rock Backs, correct?" He'd say while showing quite the enthusiastic face despite his true feelings of nervousness.
As he had guessed, indeed the trio seemed to be Tuskir and the stripes confirmed their alegiance as expected. The figures turned to face him properly as he shouted in his approach. Once he got a bit closer, one of them that was a bit more upfront huffed a not so pleased snort at him.
"Aye. We were sent ahead to guide ya to our encampment, Daeman." He replied with a clear displeasure to his tone.
Another one of them stood silent as he just glared at Michael, while the third let out a guttural squeal and spat on the ground. "Well? What ya waitin' fer, hellspawn? Pick up the pace and keep yer paws where we can see 'em. Just cause ya struck a deal with Bruyza, it don't mean we gotta like ya."
"Dawww. Isn't this nice? We already seem to be getting along and on the same page. I've a feeling we'll be sharing stories soon while braidin' one another's hair, eh? You'd look good with twin tails." Michael said smirking while looking at the third Tuskir who haf a wilder mane and carried himself in a heavier looking armor than the other two.
The human continued his walk with the trio, but something didn't sit right with him. While they walked, two of the three had put out and discarded their torches. As they walked forward wordlessly, those same two boar men would also position themself to the sides and back of Michael, doing so nearly seemlessly, but not enough for the human not to notice.
While they advanced, Michael would peek at them with the corners of his eyes while also glancing forward at the only one who still had a light source. 'This doesn't feel right. I know for certain we were to meet at the same place as before... am I being paranoid? Alright... think. If they were afraid I'd not show up they'd wait until the time was up and then came to us... there's no reason for them to think I need escorts since I'm supposed to be a big scary strong thing. Eeeeh... why are these shmucks here then?"
Michael started taking into consideration multiple reasons that could be possible for his unexpected escort to be present, but none of them made sense. With his uneasiness building up, he'd sling his backpack off and hold it, quickly getting the attention of the two at the back.
"What do you think yer doin', hellspawn?" One of them asked while putting a hand on an axe hung by his belt.
"Hm? Oh, cut down on that paranoia. Makes you seem pathetic. This meat form I had to take to be here has needs. One of them happens to be water. If you've ever heard of somethin' like that, or... what? Do you milk rocks up in the mountains to sustain yourselves?" Michael would reply with a chuckle as he taunted his escort while starting to rustle objects in his backpack with his hand.
"You... hnngh-..." The Rock Back grunted and huffed as he muttered between clenched teeth.
Taking advantage of this momentary distraction, Michael would feel about and find one of his tiny Woh flask potions and he'd use his fingers to tuck it into the band of his bracer at the wrist, before grasping a hold of a small water skin and pulling it out. 'Heh. Well, I might not be a good slight of hand at pocker, but I didn't learn to hide pieces of paper in my sleeves for nothing. Stressful, but thanks to that I passed chemistry in highschool.' He'd think while smirking at the one of the escort he just antagonized, giving him a double eyebrow wiggle lift up as he took a sip of his water.
"You really like talkin' daeman, or you just like the sound o' your voice?" The armored one asked, who also happened to be the one with the torch at the front. He walked with his back turned at the human, not even trying to gaze back as he spoke.
"Eh. I find conversing with you meat sacks at least a bit intriguing. It is fun to hear what thoughts run through those narrow minds of yours. Why are you asking? Interested in actually entertaining me in conversation?" Michael would reply as he packed his waterskin once more and put his backpack back on.
"Thought ta meself it'd be crazy to converse with somethin' like ya, but then I realized, what da hell, when am I ta get another chance like this?" The Tuskir continued while slowing his pace, as if to let Michael approach to make their talk easier to get into.
The human naturally inched closer bit by bit as he simply walked, his smirk still on his expression. He'd keep vigilent of the two in the back while moving up in the small formation. "Indeed. Perhaps I'll be able to satisfy some of your curio-"
Before he could finish his sentence, the armored tuskir in front of him stopped dead in his tracks, turning with a decently large vial of liquid and herbs in his other hand and he'd splash Michael right in the face. Surprised by the sudden violent spill of liquid against his face, the human would close his eyes and bring his hands to his face to quickly wipe away the liquid. While blinded in this manner, his guard would be shattered as a brutal force would then slam into his right side, making Michael buckle as he got sent rolling in the opposite direction.
"HAHAHA! GOT 'IM GOOD, DIDN' I?!" exclaimed one of the two Tuskir from the back, who was armed with a club, right after he just bashed up the human.
Michael took a half second to realize he just got attacked, with the hand that had the vial hidden against its wrist pushup to his eyes to wipe them, he'd push himself up on the other wobbly like. He was afraid to try and open his eyes, unknowing what he got splashed with so instead he bit on the cork of his poison vial, opened it and stashed it in his cheek, as he dripped the solution on his tongue while wiping his eyes. "I- I can't see-..." he groaned loudly while trying to get his footing.
"Yeah. You got 'im good." The armored tuskir said while tossing the vial aside. "Better prepare yourself fer a sudden departure daeman. We'll make sure ta send ya back to the firey pit ya came from. Hope ya liked a lil' taste o' holy water. Keep ya well on your way back." He'd say while taking a handaxe off of his own belt.
"Hah ha ha... Sadly fer ya, not all o' us are keen on makin' deals with hell filth. Bruyza ain' gonn' be happy with ya missin' but is expected of daemen to be shifty scum, so yer missin' presence will be easy ta explain when we're all... surprised yer missin', he he he... ." The tuskir who Michael antagonized said while snorting and cackling, unsheathing his handaxe at the ready.
The three began closing in on Michael, their gate relaxed as they taunted him, their confidence in having the upperhand letting them ooze with a gloating energy. Michael instead had finally gathered himself, head tilted back as he held onto his face, having just finished the last few drips of the Woh vial.
"I can't see... how you furred fucks didn't think that'd just piss me off." He'd say as his trembling voice would change to one more confident. As he spoke he lowered his head at a way lower angle, pulling his hand down in the same motion to reveal a pair of bloodshot eyes, as well as a bloody dripping nose and a wide toothy grin, stained by his own crimson. The shadows on his face would make it seem like he bared his teeth from ear to ear, the expression of the pin point focused eyes, quickly darting to focus on each of the three attackers. Now, that put a stop to their enclosing movement, and this simple shift had changed their confident gloating to a dread filled uncertainty.
submitted by D0WNGR4D3 to HFY [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 01:27 BuyWonderful Does anyone else remember a childhood game called 'Murder in the dark'?

I think it was Jack's idea. Or maybe it was Mindy who came up with it. You know, if I do try and really think about it .. well, maybe it could've actually even been me who decided we play it. I've spent hours trying to pierce my memory back together, more to pass the time and distract myself.. But it's all irrelevant, It doesn't matter now. Maybe it never did.
Mabel was turning 30 and it was up to us to plan the party. We were all nostalgic about childhood memories so we decided to go all out - Frogs in the pond (jelly cups with Freddo frogs), hot dogs and fairy bread, and we wrapped up prizes in newspaper for pass the parcel. Pin the tail on the donkey and Twister were set up ready to play, the spice girls were blaring on Spotify.
Mabel's eyes lit up when she walked into the room and her smile was worth all the effort we put in. We danced and played games, and as the sun started to set and it grew darker outside, someone suggested turning off the lights snd playing murder in the dark.
There were ohh's and ahh's, laughter as people remembered a game they most likely hadn't played since primary school. A collective chatter amongst us in agreeance to playing Someone handed out cards, while were told the rules of the game. And then the lights were tuned out.
For those of you who don't recall, these are the basic premise of the games rules -
You'll need - Pack of cards
Instructions - Sort through a deck of cards and find the following - an Ace, a Jack, a King, a Queen, and number cards for the amount of remaining people. (i.e.-if six people were playing, you would need two number cards.)
Each card means something - the Ace is the murderer, the Jack is the detective, the King is the detective if the Jack dies, and the Queen is the detective if the Jack and the King both die. The number cards just walk around for the beginning of the game.
Tell the players that all they need to worry about for the time being is if they get the Ace. Give a card to everyone. Nobody looks at each other's cards. Once they have their cards and have seen them, put them down somewhere out of the way for the next round.
Turn off all the lights so that it's completely dark. Everyone begins to spread out and walk about slowly, and try not to laugh or talk. Players aren't allowed to stick together in this game. During this time, the murderer is seeking 'victims'. When she/he finds someone alone, they quietly brush their shoulder and whisper, "You're dead." As an alternative, the murderer could clamp their hand over the persons mouth to avoid the person screaming, and then whisper "You're Dead".
The dead player drops to the ground, dead, and can not speak or move. The murderer may or may not hide the person they just killed in a hiding place. It is not advisable, however, due to the risk involved in getting caught. When a player sees a person lying down, they ask, "Are you dead?" The person simply nods 'yes' or shakes their head 'no', but they must tell the truth. If they nod, the person who found them shouts "Murder in the Dark!" and the lights are put on.
The murderer may not murder victims any longer and all the alive players assemble where the dead person was found. The players who are not present are noted as dead. The detective sits in a chair in front of all the others who are on the floor. He/she asks questions to each person. (i.e. where were you when someone yelled Murder in the Dark? Who do you think is the murderer and why? etc.)
When the detective has enough information and think they are ready, they say "Final Accusation" and ask one person-"Are you the murderer?" It is very important that the person answers TRUTHFULLY at the final accusation. If they are the murderer, then they must say yes. If correct players pick new cards and the game starts again. If wrong then turn out the lights and carry on.
Our rules were a bit different though. It was added in that it would be a last man standing game instead. We wouldn't have a detective - we would have a murderer, murderees and possibly one lone survivor. If someone did survive -Whoever who was still alive when the egg timer went off in 60 minutes - would be the winner. If the murderer had successfully killed everyone and there were no 'survivors' - than they had won the game.
I'll admit, it was spooky. There's just something unnerving about being in a room full of people that you cannot see but you can feel their body heat or hear them breathing. I began to walk around softly, careful to make as less noise as possible. As I wasn't the killer - I had no 'good card' I was just a waiting victim, so I wanted to hide and try and bide my time staying alive as long as possible. It didn't take long to find the first 'body'. I could tell it was Mabel from the way the long blonde hair trailed along the carpet. I whispered "Are you dead?" And I guess she mustn't have heard me because I didn't see her nod.
I moved on quickly, going into the spare bedroom. I didn't risk shutting the door behind me, I just went to hide under the bed. There was a body already under there though, I felt the warmness of human skin as I clambered under the mattress, my hand recoiling in shock as I brushed up against someone's leg. I didn't bother to ask whether they were dead, I mean I guess it was cheating a bit, but we were alone, and they were certainly doing a good enough job of playing dead it seemed just silly to ask.
I heard the muffled scream down towards the other end of the house, - the first 'victim' I'd heard to make any noise - and knew it was safe to make my move out of the bedroom to a better spot.
I nearly tripped on the bodies that were splayed out on the floor, in the hallway and the kitchen. Whoever had the murderer card was certainly taking the game seriously and playing to the best of their ability. I had yet to come across anyone else walking around and was starting to think I might actually have a chance of winning, depending on how much longer was on the egg timer, of course.
I made a beeline to the kitchen to check how much time we had, it honestly felt like the game had gone on forever - and I was shocked to feel the broken pieces of the egg timer on the kitchen bench. I looked at the clock on the microwave - the green numbers burning into my eyes. We had been playing for over three hours.
Something didn't feel quite right.
I tiptoed back into the hall to Mabel, leaning down to whisper to her that we'd been playing way too long - but then I felt something wet and slippery on my hands when I knelt down next to her. It was blood. I stifled a scream as my hands roamed and I realised the birthday girl had had her head caved in.
I backed away slowly, tears streaming down my face as I quietly made my way to the front door. I let myself out and ran across the road, banging on the neighbours door while constantly glancing behind me to see if I was being chased.
The neighbours nearly fainted when they saw me covered in blood and screaming, but they calmed me down by showing me they had double locked their door and called the police.
They don't know who killed all my friends. Everyone who was meant to be at the party was still in the house - slaughtered.
It's taken so much therapy and I'm still not sleeping at night. I wish I could go back and help my friends. I didn't know, but the blame remains.
I got a letter in the mail today though. It was a congratulations card, and written inside said 'last one standing - winner winner - care to rematch, Afterall the last game was so fun! I'll see you soon, when darkness comes.'
So my advice, don't play childhood games. They could have dire consequences.
submitted by BuyWonderful to nosleep [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 21:42 psychowhxre could my cat be aggressive or territorial?

hello! i recently adopted a 8 week old kitten and I already have a 1 y/o cat the kitten keeps hissing at my cat and my adult cat keeps trying to play with him i assume? im not sure though my cat isnt hissing, growling or pinning his ears back when interacting with the kitten the only thing i note when interacting witht he kitten is that his pupils are slightly dilated and his tail is slightly swishing though soemtimes it turns itno a wag like when he plays my cat tries to chase, swat and pounce on the kitten but he cannot because the kitten is in a secluded area is he playign or could this be soem type of agression?
submitted by psychowhxre to CatAdvice [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 21:14 Joshh170 Valheim Releases New Ashlands Update

Valheim Releases New Ashlands Update
Valheim has finally released the eagerly awaited Ashlands update, one of the biggest content expansions the survival game has received until now. This new Valheim update adds a new biome for endgame players, new weapons, building options, and more.
Valheim was originally released in early access in 2021, quickly becoming a huge hit. Created by Iron Gate Studio, the Norse-inspired survival game sold over 12 million copies on Steam. In 2023, Valheim was added to Xbox Game Pass, reaching even more players. Since its initial launch, the title has released regular updates as it moves towards a yet unannounced 1.0 release.
Now, Iron Gate Studio has officially released the new Ashlands update, bringing a new endgame biome to Valheim. This update comes on the heels of Valheim’s public test build which was unveiled last week. According to the patch notes, the new update works as a big content expansion, as it adds over 30 weapons, three armor sets, two capes, over 70 buildable items, over 30 crafting materials, new music, events, mechanics, and more. The update also fixes several small issues, standardizes texts through the game, and solves problems with Mead materials.
The highlight of the free expansion is clearly Valheim’s new Ashlands biome. Set in the southern parts of the game’s map, the new biome is a hellscape area filled with lava, huge fortresses, and dangerous undead creatures known as the Charred. As expected, the new area comes with a variety of enemies, such as the Fallen Valkyrie, four varieties of Charred enemies, Morgen, Askvin Calf, Lava Blob, and others, including a new boss called Fader.
Valheim’s new content also includes a few new mechanics tied to the new region, including two new Siege Machines, new plantable Ashvines, and the ability to combine Flametal weapons with gems to gain upgrades. Other interesting changes include the introduction of boiling hot waters near the Ashlands, which may require a sturdy ship to cross, and cinder rain while traveling in the new biome.
Gamers who like to create amazing bases in Valheim will not be disappointed with the Ashlands update due to the introduction of several new building pieces and furniture, which will greatly expand the base-building options they previously had. The update also includes more new materials such as the Askvin Hide, Vulture Eggs, Bell Shards, Charred Skulls, Jade, Bloodstone, and new weapons like the Dyrnwyn sword, the Brutal Slayer, or the Flametal Mace.
Valheim's Ashlands Update Official Patch Notes New Mechanics
  • Beware the skies! Cinders rain down from above in the Ashlands, causing damage to those who are unprotected
  • Wooden build pieces can now catch fire in the Ashlands – and the fire spreads!
  • A new world modifier that allows fire to spread outside of the Ashlands as well (part of the immersive preset)
  • Deadly lava takes up large parts of the landscape; traverse it with your very own platforms
  • Lay claim to Charred Fortresses with two new Siege Machines
  • New plantable Ashvines will grow on the walls of your base
  • Combine your Flametal weapons with gems (Bloodstone, Iolite & Jade) in order to upgrade them to magical weapons (giving them blood, storm and nature based effects respectively)
  • The waters in and around the Ashlands are boiling hot, and only the sturdiest of ships can sail them
New Creatures
  • Enemy: Fallen Valkyrie
  • Enemy: Charred Warrior
  • Enemy: Charred Archer
  • Enemy: Charred Warlock
  • Enemy: Charred Twitcher
  • Enemy Turret: Skugg
  • Enemy: Morgen
  • Enemy: Bonemaw Serpent
  • Enemy/creature: Asksvin (tameable & rideable)
  • Creature: Asksvin Calf
  • Enemy: Volture
  • Enemy: Lava Blob
  • NPC/Enemy: Redbeard Dvergr
  • Boss: Fader
  • Miniboss: Lord Reto
  • Spawner: Monument of Torment
  • Spawner: Effigy of Malice
Crafting
  • Material: Majestic Carapace (previously Queen Drop)
  • Material: Fader Relic (placeholder item)
  • Material: Asksvin Hide
  • Material: Asksvin Bladder
  • Material: Asksvin Tail
  • Material: Morgen Heart
  • Material: Morgen Sinew
  • Material: Celestial Feather
  • Material: Bonemaw Meat
  • Material: Bonemaw Tooth
  • Material: Volture Meat
  • Material: Volture Egg
  • Material: Charred Skull
  • Material: Charred Bone
  • Material: Pot Shard
  • Material: Bell Shard
  • Material: Dyrnwyn Fragments x3
  • Material: Bloodstone
  • Material: Jade
  • Material: Iolite
  • Material: Flametal Ore (previous Flametal is now obsolete)
  • Material/craftable: Flametal (previous Flametal is now obsolete)
  • Material: Sulfur
  • Material: Ashwood
  • Material: Grausten
  • Material: Charcoal Resin
  • Material: Proustite Powder
  • Material: Asksvin Neck
  • Material: Asksvin Skull
  • Material: Asksvin Ribcage
  • Material: Asksvin Pelvis
  • Material: Charred Cogwheel
  • Material: Molten Core
  • Material/craftable: Ceramic Plate
  • Materia/craftable: Shield Core
  • Plantable: Ashvine Seeds
  • Artisan Table extension: Artisan Press
  • Galdr Table extension: Feathery Wreath
  • Cauldron extension: Rolling Pins and Cutting Boards
  • Black Forge extension: Metal Cutter
  • Black Forge extension: Gem Cutter
  • Craftable: Bell
  • Resource location: Lavaiathans
  • Misc: Asksvin Egg
New Craftable Items
  • Weapon: Dyrnwyn (sword)
  • Weapon: Slayer (greatsword)
  • Weapon: Brutal Slayer (greatsword)
  • Weapon: Scourging Slayer (greatsword)
  • Weapon: Primal Slayer (greatsword)
  • Weapon: NidhĂśgg (sword)
  • Weapon: NidhĂśgg the Bleeding (sword)
  • Weapon: NidhĂśgg the Thundering (sword)
  • Weapon: NidhĂśgg the Primal (sword)
  • Weapon: Flametal Mace
  • Weapon: Bloodgeon (mace)
  • Weapon: Storm Star (mace)
  • Weapon: Klossen (mace)
  • Weapon: Berserkir Axes
  • Weapon: Bleeding Berserkir Axes
  • Weapon: Thundering Berserkir Axes
  • Weapon: Primal Berserkir Axes
  • Weapon: Ash Fang (bow)
  • Weapon: Blood Fang (bow)
  • Weapon: Storm Fang (bow)
  • Weapon: Root Fang (bow)
  • Weapon: Ripper (crossbow)
  • Weapon: Wound Ripper (crossbow)
  • Weapon: Storm Ripper (crossbow)
  • Weapon: Root Ripper (crossbow)
  • Weapon: Splitnir (spear)
  • Weapon: Splitnir the Bleeding (spear)
  • Weapon: Splitnir the Storming (spear)
  • Weapon: Splitnir the Primal (spear)
  • Shield: Flametal Shield (with multiple styles!)
  • Shield: Flametal Tower Shield (with multiple styles!)
  • Weapon: Trollstav (blood magic)
  • Weapon: Staff of the Wild (elemental magic)
  • Weapon: Dundr (elemental magic)
  • Weapon: Staff of Fracturing (elemental magic)
  • Armour Set: Flametal Breastplate, Flametal Greaves, Flametal Helmet
  • Armour Set: Robes of Embla, Trousers of Embla, Hood of Embla
  • Armour Set: Breastplate of Ask, Trousers of Ask, Hood of Ask
  • Cape: Asksvin Cloak
  • Cape: Ashen Cape
  • Misc: Asksvin Saddle
  • Bomb: Basalt Bomb
  • Bomb: Smoke Bomb
  • Ammunition: Grausten Payload
  • Ammunition: Explosive Payload
  • Ammunition: Charred Arrow
  • Ammunition: Charred Bolt
  • Ammunition: Flametal Missile
Build pieces & furniture
  • Building Pieces: 25 Ashwood Pieces (Ashwood Wall, Ashwood Half Wall, Ashwood Quarter Wall, Ashwood Arched Wall, Ashwood Decorative Wall, Ashwood Decorative Window, Ashwood Divider, Ashwood Floor 2x2, Ashwood Floor 1x1, Ashwood Decorative Floor, Ashwood Arch, Ashwood Beam 1m, Ashwood Beam 2m, Ashwood Pole 1m, Ashwood Pole 2m, Ashwood Beam 26°, Ashwood Roof Cross 26°, Ashwood Beam 45°, Ashwood Roof Cross 45°, Ashwood Wall 26°, Ashwood Wall 26° Inverted, Ashwood Wall 45°, Ashwood Wall 45° Inverted, Ashwood Stair, Ashwood Door)
  • Building Pieces: 26 Grausten Pieces (Grausten Steep Stairs, Grausten Stairs, Grausten Floor 1x1, Grausten Floor 2x2, Grausten Floor 4x4, Grausten Small Pillar, Grausten Medium Pillar, Grausten Tapered Pillar, Grausten Tapered Pillar Inverted, Grausten Small Beam, Grausten Medium Beam, Grausten Small Arch, Grausten Medium Arch, Grausten Wall Arch, Grausten Wall Arch Inverted, Grausten Wall 1x2, Grausten Wall 2x2, Grausten Wall 4x2, Grausten Window 2x2, Grausten Window 4x2, Grausten Roof, Grausten Roof Corner, Grausten Arched Roof (2), Grausten Arched Roof, Grausten Arched Roof Corner (2))
  • Building Piece: Flametal Gate
  • Building Piece: Flametal Pillar
  • Building Piece: Flametal Beam
  • Defence: Ashwood Stakewall
  • Stack: Ashwood Stack
  • Stack: Grausten Pile
  • Stack: Pile of Skulls
  • Stack: Bone Stack
  • Furniture: Ashwood Bed
  • Furniture: Bone Throne
  • Furniture: Lava Lantern
  • Furniture: Asksvin Rug
  • Furniture: Straw
  • Furniture: Small Green Pot
  • Furniture: Medium Green Pot
  • Furniture: Large Green Pot
  • Furniture: Ashwood Bench
  • Furniture: Asksvin Skeleton
  • Siege Machine: Catapult
  • Siege Machine: Battering Ram
  • Ship: Drakkar
  • Misc: Shield Generator
  • Misc: Portal – Stone
Food & Potions
  • Food: Cooked Volture Meat
  • Food: Cooked Bonemaw Meat
  • Food: Cooked Asksvin Tail
  • Food: Fiddlehead
  • Food: Fiery Svinstew
  • Food: Marinated Greens
  • Food: Mashed Meat
  • Food: Piquant Pie (cooked/uncooked)
  • Food: Roasted Crust Pie (cooked/uncooked)
  • Food: Scorching Medley
  • Food: Sizzling Berry Broth
  • Food: Smoke Puff
  • Food: Sparkling Shroomshake
  • Food: Spicy Marmalade
  • Food: Vineberry Cluster
  • Mead: Lingering Healing Mead
  • Mead: Lingering Eitr Mead
Misc
  • Location: Ruins (multiple)
  • Location: Redbeard Dvergr Outposts
  • Location: Putrid Hole
  • Location: Charred Fortress
  • Event: “The undead army marches”
  • Event: “The dead have been summoned”
  • Lore: New stones
  • Lore: New dreams
  • Lore: New Munin dialogue
  • New music
  • New forsaken power
  • Terrain changes for Ashlands (Ashlands is now cut off from other biomes, only accessible by sea)
Fixes & Improvements
  • Fixed Major Healing Mead material
  • Fixed Minor Eitr Mead Material
  • Standardised texts throughout the game
  • Updated names for old Flametal items
  • The popup for unlocking new things is displayed longer
  • Disabled ESRAM usage on Xbox One to work around a Unity bug that caused some particle systems to have corrupt shadowmaps
  • Added console command ‘findtp’ to go to nearest found item
  • Added console command ‘setfuel’ to fill all nearby lights to specified fuel
  • Map is now closed after using debugmode teleport
  • There is now a toggle in Gamplay Settings for “Attack towards look direction”, if this is toggled off, attacks will instead be made in the direction the camera is facing
  • Modding: IMonoUpdater no longer requires to be inherited from and error messages removed
submitted by Joshh170 to GameGeeks [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 20:49 Salty_Shark26 Just finished the manga my thoughts and questions on the ending and over all story

I thought the ending was over all pretty nice
Hole was defeated and the characters all went back to living their best lives
Caiman and nikaido are running the shop
Sorcerers aren’t attacking humans (most are dead)
The en family has continued on (I do wish shin and noi started dating or something that was my biggest ship in the series)
I think the story wrapped up pretty well. I guess there could be more story if Q hayashida wanted to since I guess hope still exist in some small capacity, and is with baby chidaruma. A sequel would be interesting and enjoyable but it’s not needed. Kinda wonder what dokuga and tetsujo are up to in the hole.
Normally I don’t like stories where it feels like there’s more to tell at the end but I’m pretty okay with dorohedoros ending.
How we got to that ending I think it was pretty good. I don’t think it felt rushed and the whole final arc with the central department store was pretty amazing IMO.
Some lingering thoughts and questions about the series:
What the hell is kikurage? It has horns and a tail but it’s not like any other devil we see. The wiki says it’s a magic user, but it can’t be just a sorcerer. Idk maybe it was explained in a volume extra.
Fujita being so weak and yet still being a central member of the en family is really interesting to me. I don’t know how he got there because up until him turning invisible he didn’t have much use. I’m sure just about every lower employee of en would be stronger than him. Even in the first chapter he was able to just walk up talk to en about matsamura dying. Maybe he was a lower level and he just was able to weasel his way close to en because of the “lizard man of the hole” situation that he was kinda leading. But en still knew him by name. I ramble but this is really interesting to me.
Is En the leader of the sorcerers? Is there any kind of government? There was prison and the guards were not in en family unform. The prison was also directly connected to hell and devils went there to kill people. Maybe devils run the sorcerer world with chidaruma being the leader.
So is ebisu just left labotomized. She still got that pin in her head that makes her all wonky
submitted by Salty_Shark26 to Dorohedoro [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 18:08 Mophandel Archaeotherium, the King of the White River Badlands

Archaeotherium, the King of the White River Badlands
Art by Bob Nicholls
Nowadays, when we envision the words “prey,” among modern mammalian fauna, few taxa come to mind as quickly as the hoofed mammals, better known as the ungulates. Indeed, for the better part of their entire evolutionary history, the ungulates have become entirely indistinguishable from the term “prey.” Across their two major modern branches, the artiodactyls (the “even-toed ungulates,” such as bovids, pigs, deer, hippos and giraffes) and the perissodactyls (the “odd-toed ungulates,” including horses, rhinos and tapir), the ungulates too have created an empire spanning nearly every continent, establishing themselves as the the dominant herbivores throughout their entire range. However, as a price for such success, their lot as herbivores have forced them into an unenviable position: being the food for the predators. Indeed, throughout the diets of most modern predators, ungulates make up the majority, if not the entirety, of their diet, becoming their counterparts in this evolutionary dance of theirs. They have become the lamb to their wolf, the zebra to their lion, the stag to their tiger. If there is a predator in need of lunch, chances are that there is an ungulate there to provide it. Of course, such a dynamic is not necessarily a recent innovation. For the last 15-20 million years, across much of the world, both new and old, the ungulates have served as prey for these predators through it all. Over the course of whole epochs, these two groups have played into these roles for millions of years, coevolving with each other in an eons-long game of cat-and-mouse. The shoes they fill are not new, but have existed for ages, and within their niches they have cultivated their roles to perfection. Indeed, with such a tenured history, it seems hardly surprising the ungulates are wholly inseparable from the terms “prey,” itself.
However, while this is the case now, as it has been for the last 15-20 million years, go back far enough, and we see that this dynamic is not as set in stone as we would think. Indeed, back during the Eocene and Oligocene, during the very earliest days of age of mammals, things were very different for the ungulates. While today they are considered little more than food for modern predators, during these olden days, the ungulates weren’t quite so benign. In fact, far from being fodder for top predators, the ungulates had turned the tables, instead becoming top predators themselves. Indeed, though nearly unheard of today, throughout much of the Eocene and Oligocene, carnivorous ungulates thrived in abundance, developing specializations for catching large prey and establishing themselves as top predators that competed alongside the more traditional carnivores, and even dominating them in some instances. Given such success, it’s no wonder that multiple such clades had arisen during this time. Such predators included the arctocyonids, a lineage of (ironically) hoof-less ungulates with large jaws and sharp teeth for capturing large prey. There were also the mesonychians, a lineage of dog-like ungulates with massive skulls and jaws that allowed them to reign as the top predator across much of the Eocene.
However, among these various lineages, one stands stands out among the rest, by far. Arising during the Eocene, this lineage, though superficially resembling modern pigs, hailed from one an ancient lineage of artiodactyls far removed from swine or most other ungulates in general, with few close relatives alive today. Through perhaps not the most predatory of the bunch, it was among the most formidable, as their superficially pig-like appearance came with giant predatory jaws and teeth unlike anything from the modern era. And of course, as if all of that wasn’t enough, this lineage also went on to earn arguably one of the most badass nicknames of any lineage of mammals, period. These predators, of course, were the entelodonts, a.k.a the “hell-pigs.” More so than any other predatory ungulate lineage, these formidable ungulates were the ones to turn the current paradigm upside down, becoming some of the largest and most dominant carnivores in their landscape, even with (and often in spite of) the presence of more traditional predators. Through impressive size, fearsome teeth and sheer tenacity, these animals became the top dogs of their time, ruling as behemoth-kings of their Paleogene kingdoms, domineering all comers, and throughout the ranks, one entelodont in particular demonstrated such dominance the best. Though not the largest or most powerful of their kind, it is one of the most iconic, being among the most well-known members of its lineage to date. Moreover, this enteledont also has some of the most complete life histories ever seen out of this clade, with its brutality and predatory prowess being displayed in the fossil record in a way seen in no other member of its kind. More than anything else, however, it was this predator that best turned the notion of “ungulates being prey” on its head, living in an environment that bore some of the largest carnivoran hypercarnivores to date and still reigning as the undisputed top predator of its domain. This fearsome beast was none other than Archaeotherium, icon of the entelodonts, terror of the Oligocene American west and undisputed king of the White River badlands.
The rise of Archaeotherium (and of entelodonts in general) is closely tied to the ascendancy of carnivorous ungulates as a whole, one of the earliest evolutionary success stories of the entire Cenozoic. Having become their own derived clade since the late Cretaceous, the ungulates were remarkably successful during the early Paleogene, as they were among the first mammalian clades to reach large sizes during those early days after the non-avian dinosaurs had gone extinct. As such, it was with incredible swiftness that, as the Paleogene progressed, the ungulates swooped upon the various niches left empty by the K-Pg mass extinction that killed the dinosaurs. This of course included the herbivorous niches we would know them for today, but this also included other, much more carnivore roles. Indeed, early on during the Paleogene, it was the ungulates that first seized the roles of large mammalian predators, becoming some the earliest large mammalian carnivores to ever live, well before even the carnivorans. Such predators included the arctocyonids, a lineage of vaguely dog-like, hoof-less ungulates with robust jaws and sharpened teeth that acted as some of earliest large carnivores of the Paleocene, with genera such as Arctocyon mumak getting up to the size of big cats. Even more prolific were the mesonychids. More so than what pretty much any other lineage of predator, it was the mesonychids that would stand out as the earliest dominant predators of the early Cenozoic. Growing up to the size of bears and with enormous, bone-crushing jaws, the mesonychids were among the most powerful and successful predators on the market at that time, with a near-global range and being capable of subjugating just about any other predator in their environments. Indeed, they, along with other carnivorous ungulates (as well as ungulates in general), were experiencing a golden age during this time, easily being the most prolific predators of the age. Given such prevalence, it should be no surprise that there would be yet another lineage of predatory ungulates would throw their hat into the ring, and by early Eocene, that contender would none other than the entelodonts.
The very first entelodonts had arisen from artiodactyl ancestors during the Eocene epoch, at a time when artiodactyls were far more diverse and bizarre than they are now. Through today known from their modern herbivorous representatives such as bovines, deer, and antelope, during the Paleocene and Eocene, the artiodacyls, as with most ungulates of that time, were stronger and far more predaceous, particularly when it came to one such clade of artiodactyls, the cetacodontamorphs. Only known today from hippos and another group of artiodactyls (one which will become relevant later), the cetacodantomorphs emerged out of Asia around 55 million years ago, at around the same time that artiodactyls themselves had made their debut. These animals included the first truly predatory artiodactyls, with many of them possessing large skulls with powerful jaws and sharp, predatory teeth. Among their ranks included animals as puny as Indohyus, a piscivorous artiodactyl the size of a cat, to as formidable as Andrewsarchus, a giant, bison-sized predator often touted as one of the largest predatory mammals to ever live. Given such a predatory disposition, it wouldn’t be long until this clade produced a lineage of truly diverse, truly successful predators, and by around 40 million years ago, that is exactly what they did, as it was at that time that the entelodonts themselves first emerged. From their Asian homeland, the entelodonts spread across the world, spreading through not only most of Eurasia but also colonizing North America as well, with genera such as Brachyhyops being found across both continents. Here, in this North American frontier, the entelodonts began to diversify further, turning into their most successful and formidable forms yet, and it was around the late Eocene and early Oligocene that Archaeotherium itself had entered the scene.
Just from a passing glance at Archaeotherium, it is clear how exactly it (as well as the other entelodonts) earned the nickname of “hell-pigs.” It was a bruiser for starters; its body bore a robust, pig-like physique, with prominent neural spines and their associated musculature forming a hump around the shoulder region, similar to the hump of a bison. With such a bulky physique came with it impressive size; the average A. mortoni had a head-body length of roughly 1.6-2.0 m (5.3-6.6 ft), a shoulder height of 1.2 m (4 ft) and a body mass of around 180 kg (396 lb) in weight (Boardman & Secord, 2013; Joeckel, 1990). At such sizes, an adult Archaeotherium the size of a large male black bear. However, they had the potential to get even bigger. While most Archaeotherium specimens were around the size described above, a select few specimens, labeled under the synonymous genus “Megachoerus,” are found to be much larger, with skulls getting up to 66% longer than average A. mortoni specimens (Foss, 2001; Joeckel, 1990). At such sizes and using isometric scaling, such massive Archaeotherium specimens would attained body lengths over 2.5 m (8.2 ft) and would have reached weighs well over 500 kg (1100 lb), or as big as a mature male polar bear. Indeed, at such sizes, it is already abundantly evident that Archaeotherium is a force to be recorded with.
However, there was more to these formidable animals than sheer size alone. Behind all that bulk was an astoundingly swift and graceful predator, especially in terms of locomotion. Indeed, the hoofed feet of Archaeotherium, along with other entelodonts, sported several adaptations that gave it incredible locomotive efficiency, essentially turning it into a speed demon of the badlands. Such adaptations include longer distal leg elements (e.g. the radius and tibia) than their proximal counterparts (e.g. the humerus and femur), fusion of the radius and ulna for increased running efficiency, the loss of the clavicle (collar-bone) to allow for greater leg length, the loss of the acromion to enhance leg movement along the fore-and-aft plane, the loss of digits to reduce the mass of the forelimb, the fusion of the ectocuneiform and the mesocuneiform wrist-bones, among many other such traits (Theodore, 1996) . Perhaps most significant of these adaptations is the evolution of the “double-pulley astragalus (ankle-bone),” a specialized modification of the ankle that, while restricting rotation and side-to-side movement at the ankle-joint, allows for greater rotation in the fore-and-aft direction, thus allowing for more more powerful propulsion from the limbs, faster extension and retraction of the limbs and overall greater locomotive efficiency (Foss, 2001). Of course, such a trait was not only found in entelodonts but in artiodactyls as a whole, likely being a response to predatory pressures from incumbent predatory clades arising at the same time as the artiodactyls (Foss, 2001). However, in the case of the entelodonts, such adaptations were not used for merely escaping predators. Rather, they were used to for another, much more lethal effect…
Such notions are further reinforced by the entelodonts most formidable aspect, none either than their fearsome jaws, and in this respect, Archaeotherium excelled. Both for its size and in general, the head of Archaeotherium was massive, measuring 40-50 cm (1.3-1.6 ft) in length among average A. mortoni specimens, to up to 78 cm (~2.6 ft) in the larger “Megachoerus” specimens (Joeckel, 1990). Such massive skulls were supported and supplemented by equally massive neck muscles and ligaments, which attached to massive neural spines on the anterior thoracic vertebrae akin to a bisons hump as well as to the sternum, allowing Archaeotherium to keep its head aloft despite the skulls massive size (Effinger, 1998). Of course, with such a massive skull, it should come as no surprise that such skulls housed exceptionally formidable jaws as well, and indeed, the bite of Archaeotherium was an especially deadly one. Its zygomatic arches (cheek-bones) and its temporal fossa were enlarged and expanded, indicative of massive temporalis muscles that afforded Archaeotherium astoundingly powerful bites (Joeckel, 1990). This is further augmented by Archaeotherium’s massive jugal flanges (bony projections of the cheek), which supported powerful masseter muscles which enhanced chewing and mastication, as well as an enlarged postorbital bar that reinforced the skull against torsional stresses (Foss, 2001). Last but not least, powerful jaws are supplemented by an enlarged gape, facilitated by a low coronoid process and enlarged posterior mandibular tubercles (bony projections originating from the lower jaw), which provided an insertion site for sternum-to-mandible jaw abduction muscles, allowing for a more forceful opening of the jaw (Foss, 2001). All together, such traits suggest a massive and incredibly fearsome bite, perhaps the most formidable of any animal in its environment.
Of course, none of such traits are especially indicative of a predatory lifestyle. Indeed, many modern non-predatory ungulates, like hippos, pigs and peccaries, also possess large, formidable skulls and jaws. However, in peeling back the layers, it is found there was more to the skull of Archaeotherium that lies in store. Indeed, when inspecting the animal closely, a unique mosaic of features is revealed; traits that make it out to be much more lethal than the average artiodactyl. On one hand, Archaeotherium possessed many traits similar to those of herbivores animals, as is expected of ungulates. For instance, its jaw musculature that allowed the lower jaw of Archaeotherium a full side-to-side chewing motion as in herbivores (whereas most carnivores can only move their lower jaw up and down)(Effinger, 1998). On the other hand, Archaeotherium wielded many other traits far more lethal in their morphology, less akin to a herbivore and far more akin to a bonafide predator. For instance, the aforementioned enlarged gape of Archaeotherium is a bizarre trait on a supposed herbivore, as such animals do not need large gapes to eat vegetation and thus have smaller, more restricted gapes. Conversely, many predatory lineages have comparatively large gapes, as larger gapes allow for the the jaws to grab on to more effectively larger objects, namely large prey animals (Joeckel, 1990).
Such a juxtaposition, however, is most evident when discussing the real killing instruments of Archaeotherium — the teeth. More so than any facet of this animal, the teeth of Archaeotherium are the real stars of the show, showing both how alike it was compared to its herbivores counterparts and more importantly, how it couldn’t be more different. For instance, the molars of Archaeotherium were quite similar to modern herbivores ungulates, in that they were robust, bunodont, and were designed for crushing and grinding, similar in form and function to modern ungulates like peccaries (Joeckel, 1990). However, while the molars give the impression that Archaeotherium was a herbivore, the other teeth tell a very different story. The incisors, for example, were enlarged, sharpened, and fully interlocked (as opposed to the flat-topped incisors seen in herbivores ungulates), creating an incisor array that was seemingly ill-suited for cropping vegetation and much more adept at for gripping, puncturing and cutting (Joeckel, 1990). Even more formidable were the canines. Like the modern pigs from which entelodonts derived their nicknames, the canines of Archaeotherium were sharp and enlarged to form prominent tusk-like teeth, but unlike pigs, they were rounded in cross-section (similar to modern carnivores like big cats, indicating more durable canines that can absorb and resist torsional forces, such as those from struggling prey) and were serrated to form a distinct cutting edge (Effinger, 1998; Joeckel, 1990; Ruff & Van Valkenburgh, 1987). These canines, along with the incisors, interlock to stabilize the jaws while biting and dismantling in a carnivore-like fashion. More strikingly, the canines also seem to act as “occlusal guides,” wherein the canines help align the movement and position of the rear teeth as they come together, allowing for a more efficient shearing action by the rear teeth. This function is seen most prevalently modern carnivorous mammals, and is evidenced by the canine tooth-wear, which is also analogous to modern predators like bears and canids (Joeckel, 1990). Indeed, going off such teeth alone, it is clear that Archaeotherium is far more predatory than expected of an ungulate. However, the real stars of the show, the teeth that truly betray the predatory nature of these ungulates, are the premolars. Perhaps the most carnivore-like teeth in the entelodont’s entire tooth row, the premolars of Archaeotherium, particularly the anterior premolars, are laterally compressed, somewhat conical in shape, and are weakly serrated to bear a cutting edge, giving them a somewhat carnivorous form and function of shearing and slicing (Effinger, 1998). Most strikingly of all, the premolars of Archaeotherium bear unique features similar not to modern herbivores, but to durophagous carnivores like hyenas, particularly apical wear patterns, highly thickened enamel, “zigzag-shaped” enamel prism layers (Hunter-Schraeger bands) on the premolars which is also seen in osteophagous animals like hyenas, and an interlocking premolar interface wherein linear objects (such as bones) inserted into jaws from the side would be pinned between the premolars and crushed (Foss, 2001). Taken together, these features do not suggest a diet of grass or vegetation like other ungulates. Rather, they suggest a far more violent diet, one including flesh as well as hard, durable foods, particularly bone. All in all, the evidence is clear. Archaeotherium and other entelodonts, unlike the rest of their artiodactyl kin, were not the passive herbivores as we envision ungulates today. Rather, they were willing, unrepentant meat-eaters that had a taste for flesh as well as foliage.
Of course, even with such lines of evidence, its hard to conclude that Archaeotherium was a true predator. After all, its wide gape and durophagous teeth could have just as easily been used for scavenging or even to eat tough plant matter such as seeds or nuts, as in peccaries and pigs, which themselves share many of the same adaptations as Archaeotherium, include the more carnivorous ones (e.g. the wide gape, using the canines as an occlusal guide, etc.). How exactly do we know that these things were veritable predators and not pretenders to the title. To this end, there is yet one last piece of evidence, one that puts on full display the predatory prowess of Archaeotherium —evidence of a kill itself. Found within oligocene-aged sediment in what is now Wyoming, a collection of various fossil remains was found, each belonging to the ancient sheep-sized camel Poebrotherium, with many of the skeletal remains being disarticulated and even missing whole hindlimbs or even entire rear halves of their body. Tellingly, many of the remains bear extensive bite marks and puncture wounds across their surface. Upon close examination, the spacing and size of the punctures leave only one culprit: Archaeotherium. Of course, such an event could still have been scavenging; the entelodonts were consuming the remains of already dead, decomposed camels, explaining the bite marks. What was far more telling, however, was where the bite marks were found. In addition bite marks being found on the torso and lumbar regions of the camels, various puncture wounds were found on the skull and neck, which were otherwise uneaten. Scavengers rarely feast on the head to begin with; there is very little worthwhile meat on it besides the brain, cheek-muscles and eyes, and even if they did feed on the skull and neck, they would still eat it wholesale, not merely bite it and then leave it otherwise untouched. Indeed, it was clear that this was no mere scavenging event. Rather than merely consuming these camels, Archaeotherium was actively preying upon and killing them, dispatching them via a crushing bite to the skull or neck before dismembering and even bisecting the hapless camels with their powerful jaws to preferentially feast on their hindquarters (likely by swallowing the hindquarters whole, as the pelvis of Poebrotherium was coincidentally the perfect width for Archaeotherium to devour whole), eventually discarding the leftovers in meat caches for later consumption (Sundell, 1999). With this finding, such a feat of brutality leaves no doubt in ones mind as to what the true nature of Archaeotherium was. This was no herbivore, nor was it a simple scavenger. This was an active, rapacious predator, the most powerful in its entire ecosystem.
Indeed, with such brutal evidence of predation frozen in time, combined with various dental, cranial, and post cranial adaptations of this formidable animal, it’s possible to paint a picture of how this formidable creature lived. Though an omnivore by trade, willing and able to feast on plant matter such as grass, roots and tubers, Archaeotherium was also a wanton predator that took just about any prey it wanted. Upon detecting its prey, it approached its vicim from ambush before launching itself at blazing speed. From there, its cursorial, hoofed legs, used by other ungulates for escape predation, were here employed to capture prey, carrying it at great speeds as it caught up to its quarry. Having closed the distance with its target, it was then that the entelodont brought its jaws to bear, grabbing hold of the victim with powerful jaws and gripping teeth to bring it to a screeching halt. If the victim is lucky, Archaeotherium will then kill it quickly with a crushing bite to the skull or neck, puncturing the brain or spinal cord and killing its target instantly. If not, the victim is eaten alive, torn apart while it’s still kicking, as modern boars will do today. In any case, incapacitated prey are subsequently dismantled, with the entelodont using its entire head and heavily-muscled necks to bite into and pull apart its victim in devastating “puncture-and pull’ bites (Foss, 2001). Prey would then finally be consumed starting at the hindquarters, with not even the bones of its prey being spared. Such brutality, though far from clean, drove home a singular truth: that during this time, ungulates were not just prey, that they were not the mere “predator-fodder” we know them as today. rather, they themselves were the predators themselves, dominating as superb hunters within their domain and even suppressing clades we know as predators today, least of all the carnivorans. Indeed, during this point in time, the age of the carnivorous ungulates had hit their stride, and more specifically, the age of entelodonts had begun.
Of course, more so than any other entelodont, Archaeotherium took to this new age with gusto. Archaeotherium lived from 35-28 million years ago during the late Eocene and early Oligocene in a locality known today as the White River Badlands, a fossil locality nestled along the Great Plains and Rocky Mountains. Though a chalky, barren landscape today, during the time of Archaeotherium, the White River Badlands was a swamp-like floodplain crisscrossed with rivers and interspersed with by a mosaic of forests concentrated around waterways, open woodlands and open plains. As with most ecosystems with such a lush disposition, this locale teemed with life, with ancient hornless rhinos, small horse-like hyracodonts and early camels roaming the open habitats while giant brontotheres, small early horses and strange, sheep-like ungulates called merycoidodonts (also known as “oreodonts”) dwelled within the dense forests. Within this locale, Archaeotherium stalked the open woodlands and riparian forests of its domain. Here, it acted as a dominant predator and scavenger across is territory, filling a niche similar to modern grizzly bears but far more predatory. Among its preferred food items would be plant matter such as roots, foliage and nuts, but also meat in the form of carrion or freshly caught prey. In this respect, smaller ungulates such as the fleet-footed camel Poebrotherium, a known prey item of Archaeotherium, would have made a for choice prey, as its small size would make it easy for Archaeotherium to dispatch with its powerful jaws, while the entelodonts swift legs gave it the speed necessary to keep pace with its agile prey.
However, the entelodont didn’t have such a feast all to itself. Just as the badlands teemed with herbivores, so too did it teem with rival predators. Among their ranks included fearsome predators such as Hyaenodon, a powerful, vaguely dog-like predator up to the size of wolves (as in H. horridus) or even lions (as in the Eocene-aged H. megaloides, which was replaced by H. horridus during the Oligocene). Armed with a massive head, fierce jaws and a set of knife-like teeth that could cut down even large prey in seconds, these were some of the most formidable predators on the landscape. There were also the nimravids, cat-like carnivorans that bore saber-teeth to kill large prey in seconds, and included the likes of the lynx-sized Dinictis, the leopard-sized Hoplophoneus and even the jaguar-sized Eusmilus. Furthermore, there were amphicyonids, better known as the bear-dogs. Though known from much larger forms later on in their existence, during the late Eocene and Oligocene, they were much smaller and acted as the “canid-analogues” of the ecosystem, filling a role similar to wolves or coyotes. Last but not least, there were the bathornithid birds, huge cariamiform birds related to modern seriemas but much larger, which filled a niche similar to modern seriemas or secretary birds, albeit on a much larger scale. Given such competition, it would seem that Archaeotherium would have its hands full. However, things are not as they appear. For starters, habitat differences would mitigate high amounts of competition, as both Hyaenodon and the various nimravids occupy more specialized ecological roles (being a plains-specialist and forest-specialist, respectively) than did Archaeotherium, providing a buffer to stave off competition: More importantly, however, none of the aforementioned predators were simply big enough to take Archaeotherium on. During the roughly 7 million years existence of Archaeotherium, the only carnivore that matched it in size was H. megaloides, and even that would have an only applied to average A. mortoni individuals, not to the much larger, bison-sized “Megachoerus” individuals. The next largest predator at that point would be the jaguars-sized Eusmilus (specifically E. adelos) which would have only been a bit more than half the size of even an average A. mortoni. Besides that, virtually every other predator on the landscape was simply outclassed by the much larger entelodont in terms of size and brute strength. As such, within its domain, Archaeotherium had total, unquestioned authority, dominating the other predators in the landscape and likely stealing their kills as well. In fact, just about the only threat Archaeotherium had was other Archaeotherium, as fossil bite marks suggest that this animal regularly and fraglantly engaged in intraspecific combat, usually through face-biting and possibly even jaw-wrestling (Effinger, 1998; Tanke & Currie, 1998). Nevertheless, it was clear that Archaeotherium was the undisputed king of the badlands; in a landscape of hyaenodonts and carnivorans galore, it was a hoofed ungulate that reigned supreme.
However, such a reign would not last. As the Eocene transitioned into the Eocene, the planet underwent an abrupt cooling and drying phase known as Eocene-Oligocene Transition or more simply the Grande Coupure. This change in climate would eliminate the sprawling wetlands and river systems that Archaeotherium had been depending on, gradually replacing it with drier and more open habitats. To its credit, Archaeotherium did manage to hang on, persisting well after the Grand-Coupure had taken place, but in the end the damage had been done; Archaeotherium was a dead-man-walking. Eventually, by around 28 million years ago, Archaeotherium would go extinct, perishing due to this change in global climate (Gillham, 2019). Entelodonts as a whole would persist into the Miocene, producing some of their largest forms ever known in the form of the bison-sized Daeodon (which was itself even more carnivorous than Archaeotherium), however they too would meet the same fate as their earlier cousins. By around 15-20 million years ago, entelodonts as a whole would go extinct. However, while the entelodonts may have perished, this was not the end of carnivorous ungulates as a whole. Recall that the cetacodontamorphs, the lineage of artiodactyls that produced the entelodonts, left behind two living descendants. The first among them were the hippos, themselves fairly frequent herbivores. The second of such lineage, however, was a different story. Emerging out of South Asia, this lineage of piscivorous cetacodontamorphs, in a an attempt to further specialize for the fish-hunting lifestyle, began to delve further and further into the water, becoming more and more aquatic and the millennia passed by. At a certain point, these carnivorous artiodactlys had become something completely unrecognizable from their original hoofed forms. Their skin became hairless and their bodies became streamlined for life in water. Their hoofed limbs grew into giant flippers for steering in the water and their previously tiny tails became massive and sported giant tail flukes for aquatic propulsion. Their noses even moved to the tip of their head, becoming a blowhole that would be signature to this clade as a whole. Indeed, this clade was none other than the modern whales, themselves derived, carnivorous ungulates that had specialized for a life in the water, and in doing so, became the some of the most dominant aquatic predators across the globe for millions of years. Indeed, though long gone, the legacy of the entelodonts and of predatory ungulates as a whole, a legacy Archaeotherium itself had helped foster, lives on in these paragons of predatory prowess, showing that the ungulates are more than just the mere “prey” that they are often made out to be. Moreover, given the success that carnivorous ungulates had enjoyed in the past and given how modern omnivorous ungulates like boar dabble in predation themselves, perhaps, in the distant future, this planet may see the rise of carnivorous ungulates once again, following in the footsteps left behind by Archaeotherium and the other predatory ungulates all those millions of years ago.
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2024.05.14 16:25 Mophandel Archaeotherium, the King of the White River Badlands

Archaeotherium, the King of the White River Badlands
Art by Bob Nicholls
Nowadays, when we envision the words “prey,” among modern mammalian fauna, few taxa come to mind as quickly as the hoofed mammals, better known as the ungulates. Indeed, for the better part of their entire evolutionary history, the ungulates have become entirely indistinguishable from the term “prey.” Across their two major modern branches, the artiodactyls (the “even-toed ungulates,” such as bovids, pigs, deer, hippos and giraffes) and the perissodactyls (the “odd-toed ungulates,” including horses, rhinos and tapir), the ungulates too have created an empire spanning nearly every continent, establishing themselves as the the dominant herbivores throughout their entire range. However, as a price for such success, their lot as herbivores have forced them into an unenviable position: being the food for the predators. Indeed, throughout the diets of most modern predators, ungulates make up the majority, if not the entirety, of their diet, becoming their counterparts in this evolutionary dance of theirs. They have become the lamb to their wolf, the zebra to their lion, the stag to their tiger. If there is a predator in need of lunch, chances are that there is an ungulate there to provide it. Of course, such a dynamic is not necessarily a recent innovation. For the last 15-20 million years, across much of the world, both new and old, the ungulates have served as prey for these predators through it all. Over the course of whole epochs, these two groups have played into these roles for millions of years, coevolving with each other in an eons-long game of cat-and-mouse. The shoes they fill are not new, but have existed for ages, and within their niches they have cultivated their roles to perfection. Indeed, with such a tenured history, it seems hardly surprising the ungulates are wholly inseparable from the terms “prey,” itself.
However, while this is the case now, as it has been for the last 15-20 million years, go back far enough, and we see that this dynamic is not as set in stone as we would think. Indeed, back during the Eocene and Oligocene, during the very earliest days of age of mammals, things were very different for the ungulates. While today they are considered little more than food for modern predators, during these olden days, the ungulates weren’t quite so benign. In fact, far from being fodder for top predators, the ungulates had turned the tables, instead becoming top predators themselves. Indeed, though nearly unheard of today, throughout much of the Eocene and Oligocene, carnivorous ungulates thrived in abundance, developing specializations for catching large prey and establishing themselves as top predators that competed alongside the more traditional carnivores, and even dominating them in some instances. Given such success, it’s no wonder that multiple such clades had arisen during this time. Such predators included the arctocyonids, a lineage of (ironically) hoof-less ungulates with large jaws and sharp teeth for capturing large prey. There were also the mesonychians, a lineage of dog-like ungulates with massive skulls and jaws that allowed them to reign as the top predator across much of the Eocene.
However, among these various lineages, one stands stands out among the rest, by far. Arising during the Eocene, this lineage, though superficially resembling modern pigs, hailed from one an ancient lineage of artiodactyls far removed from swine or most other ungulates in general, with few close relatives alive today. Through perhaps not the most predatory of the bunch, it was among the most formidable, as their superficially pig-like appearance came with giant predatory jaws and teeth unlike anything from the modern era. And of course, as if all of that wasn’t enough, this lineage also went on to earn arguably one of the most badass nicknames of any lineage of mammals, period. These predators, of course, were the entelodonts, a.k.a the “hell-pigs.” More so than any other predatory ungulate lineage, these formidable ungulates were the ones to turn the current paradigm upside down, becoming some of the largest and most dominant carnivores in their landscape, even with (and often in spite of) the presence of more traditional predators. Through impressive size, fearsome teeth and sheer tenacity, these animals became the top dogs of their time, ruling as behemoth-kings of their Paleogene kingdoms, domineering all comers, and throughout the ranks, one entelodont in particular demonstrated such dominance the best. Though not the largest or most powerful of their kind, it is one of the most iconic, being among the most well-known members of its lineage to date. Moreover, this enteledont also has some of the most complete life histories ever seen out of this clade, with its brutality and predatory prowess being displayed in the fossil record in a way seen in no other member of its kind. More than anything else, however, it was this predator that best turned the notion of “ungulates being prey” on its head, living in an environment that bore some of the largest carnivoran hypercarnivores to date and still reigning as the undisputed top predator of its domain. This fearsome beast was none other than Archaeotherium, icon of the entelodonts, terror of the Oligocene American west and undisputed king of the White River badlands.
The rise of Archaeotherium (and of entelodonts in general) is closely tied to the ascendancy of carnivorous ungulates as a whole, one of the earliest evolutionary success stories of the entire Cenozoic. Having become their own derived clade since the late Cretaceous, the ungulates were remarkably successful during the early Paleogene, as they were among the first mammalian clades to reach large sizes during those early days after the non-avian dinosaurs had gone extinct. As such, it was with incredible swiftness that, as the Paleogene progressed, the ungulates swooped upon the various niches left empty by the K-Pg mass extinction that killed the dinosaurs. This of course included the herbivorous niches we would know them for today, but this also included other, much more carnivore roles. Indeed, early on during the Paleogene, it was the ungulates that first seized the roles of large mammalian predators, becoming some the earliest large mammalian carnivores to ever live, well before even the carnivorans. Such predators included the arctocyonids, a lineage of vaguely dog-like, hoof-less ungulates with robust jaws and sharpened teeth that acted as some of earliest large carnivores of the Paleocene, with genera such as Arctocyon mumak getting up to the size of big cats. Even more prolific were the mesonychids. More so than what pretty much any other lineage of predator, it was the mesonychids that would stand out as the earliest dominant predators of the early Cenozoic. Growing up to the size of bears and with enormous, bone-crushing jaws, the mesonychids were among the most powerful and successful predators on the market at that time, with a near-global range and being capable of subjugating just about any other predator in their environments. Indeed, they, along with other carnivorous ungulates (as well as ungulates in general), were experiencing a golden age during this time, easily being the most prolific predators of the age. Given such prevalence, it should be no surprise that there would be yet another lineage of predatory ungulates would throw their hat into the ring, and by early Eocene, that contender would none other than the entelodonts.
The very first entelodonts had arisen from artiodactyl ancestors during the Eocene epoch, at a time when artiodactyls were far more diverse and bizarre than they are now. Through today known from their modern herbivorous representatives such as bovines, deer, and antelope, during the Paleocene and Eocene, the artiodacyls, as with most ungulates of that time, were stronger and far more predaceous, particularly when it came to one such clade of artiodactyls, the cetacodontamorphs. Only known today from hippos and another group of artiodactyls (one which will become relevant later), the cetacodantomorphs emerged out of Asia around 55 million years ago, at around the same time that artiodactyls themselves had made their debut. These animals included the first truly predatory artiodactyls, with many of them possessing large skulls with powerful jaws and sharp, predatory teeth. Among their ranks included animals as puny as Indohyus, a piscivorous artiodactyl the size of a cat, to as formidable as Andrewsarchus, a giant, bison-sized predator often touted as one of the largest predatory mammals to ever live. Given such a predatory disposition, it wouldn’t be long until this clade produced a lineage of truly diverse, truly successful predators, and by around 40 million years ago, that is exactly what they did, as it was at that time that the entelodonts themselves first emerged. From their Asian homeland, the entelodonts spread across the world, spreading through not only most of Eurasia but also colonizing North America as well, with genera such as Brachyhyops being found across both continents. Here, in this North American frontier, the entelodonts began to diversify further, turning into their most successful and formidable forms yet, and it was around the late Eocene and early Oligocene that Archaeotherium itself had entered the scene.
Just from a passing glance at Archaeotherium, it is clear how exactly it (as well as the other entelodonts) earned the nickname of “hell-pigs.” It was a bruiser for starters; its body bore a robust, pig-like physique, with prominent neural spines and their associated musculature forming a hump around the shoulder region, similar to the hump of a bison. With such a bulky physique came with it impressive size; the average A. mortoni had a head-body length of roughly 1.6-2.0 m (5.3-6.6 ft), a shoulder height of 1.2 m (4 ft) and a body mass of around 180 kg (396 lb) in weight (Boardman & Secord, 2013; Joeckel, 1990). At such sizes, an adult Archaeotherium the size of a large male black bear. However, they had the potential to get even bigger. While most Archaeotherium specimens were around the size described above, a select few specimens, labeled under the synonymous genus “Megachoerus,” are found to be much larger, with skulls getting up to 66% longer than average A. mortoni specimens (Foss, 2001; Joeckel, 1990). At such sizes and using isometric scaling, such massive Archaeotherium specimens would attained body lengths over 2.5 m (8.2 ft) and would have reached weighs well over 500 kg (1100 lb), or as big as a mature male polar bear. Indeed, at such sizes, it is already abundantly evident that Archaeotherium is a force to be recorded with.
However, there was more to these formidable animals than sheer size alone. Behind all that bulk was an astoundingly swift and graceful predator, especially in terms of locomotion. Indeed, the hoofed feet of Archaeotherium, along with other entelodonts, sported several adaptations that gave it incredible locomotive efficiency, essentially turning it into a speed demon of the badlands. Such adaptations include longer distal leg elements (e.g. the radius and tibia) than their proximal counterparts (e.g. the humerus and femur), fusion of the radius and ulna for increased running efficiency, the loss of the clavicle (collar-bone) to allow for greater leg length, the loss of the acromion to enhance leg movement along the fore-and-aft plane, the loss of digits to reduce the mass of the forelimb, the fusion of the ectocuneiform and the mesocuneiform wrist-bones, among many other such traits (Theodore, 1996) . Perhaps most significant of these adaptations is the evolution of the “double-pulley astragalus (ankle-bone),” a specialized modification of the ankle that, while restricting rotation and side-to-side movement at the ankle-joint, allows for greater rotation in the fore-and-aft direction, thus allowing for more more powerful propulsion from the limbs, faster extension and retraction of the limbs and overall greater locomotive efficiency (Foss, 2001). Of course, such a trait was not only found in entelodonts but in artiodactyls as a whole, likely being a response to predatory pressures from incumbent predatory clades arising at the same time as the artiodactyls (Foss, 2001). However, in the case of the entelodonts, such adaptations were not used for merely escaping predators. Rather, they were used to for another, much more lethal effect…
Such notions are further reinforced by the entelodonts most formidable aspect, none either than their fearsome jaws, and in this respect, Archaeotherium excelled. Both for its size and in general, the head of Archaeotherium was massive, measuring 40-50 cm (1.3-1.6 ft) in length among average A. mortoni specimens, to up to 78 cm (~2.6 ft) in the larger “Megachoerus” specimens (Joeckel, 1990). Such massive skulls were supported and supplemented by equally massive neck muscles and ligaments, which attached to massive neural spines on the anterior thoracic vertebrae akin to a bisons hump as well as to the sternum, allowing Archaeotherium to keep its head aloft despite the skulls massive size (Effinger, 1998). Of course, with such a massive skull, it should come as no surprise that such skulls housed exceptionally formidable jaws as well, and indeed, the bite of Archaeotherium was an especially deadly one. Its zygomatic arches (cheek-bones) and its temporal fossa were enlarged and expanded, indicative of massive temporalis muscles that afforded Archaeotherium astoundingly powerful bites (Joeckel, 1990). This is further augmented by Archaeotherium’s massive jugal flanges (bony projections of the cheek), which supported powerful masseter muscles which enhanced chewing and mastication, as well as an enlarged postorbital bar that reinforced the skull against torsional stresses (Foss, 2001). Last but not least, powerful jaws are supplemented by an enlarged gape, facilitated by a low coronoid process and enlarged posterior mandibular tubercles (bony projections originating from the lower jaw), which provided an insertion site for sternum-to-mandible jaw abduction muscles, allowing for a more forceful opening of the jaw (Foss, 2001). All together, such traits suggest a massive and incredibly fearsome bite, perhaps the most formidable of any animal in its environment.
Of course, none of such traits are especially indicative of a predatory lifestyle. Indeed, many modern non-predatory ungulates, like hippos, pigs and peccaries, also possess large, formidable skulls and jaws. However, in peeling back the layers, it is found there was more to the skull of Archaeotherium that lies in store. Indeed, when inspecting the animal closely, a unique mosaic of features is revealed; traits that make it out to be much more lethal than the average artiodactyl. On one hand, Archaeotherium possessed many traits similar to those of herbivores animals, as is expected of ungulates. For instance, its jaw musculature that allowed the lower jaw of Archaeotherium a full side-to-side chewing motion as in herbivores (whereas most carnivores can only move their lower jaw up and down)(Effinger, 1998). On the other hand, Archaeotherium wielded many other traits far more lethal in their morphology, less akin to a herbivore and far more akin to a bonafide predator. For instance, the aforementioned enlarged gape of Archaeotherium is a bizarre trait on a supposed herbivore, as such animals do not need large gapes to eat vegetation and thus have smaller, more restricted gapes. Conversely, many predatory lineages have comparatively large gapes, as larger gapes allow for the the jaws to grab on to more effectively larger objects, namely large prey animals (Joeckel, 1990).
Such a juxtaposition, however, is most evident when discussing the real killing instruments of Archaeotherium — the teeth. More so than any facet of this animal, the teeth of Archaeotherium are the real stars of the show, showing both how alike it was compared to its herbivores counterparts and more importantly, how it couldn’t be more different. For instance, the molars of Archaeotherium were quite similar to modern herbivores ungulates, in that they were robust, bunodont, and were designed for crushing and grinding, similar in form and function to modern ungulates like peccaries (Joeckel, 1990). However, while the molars give the impression that Archaeotherium was a herbivore, the other teeth tell a very different story. The incisors, for example, were enlarged, sharpened, and fully interlocked (as opposed to the flat-topped incisors seen in herbivores ungulates), creating an incisor array that was seemingly ill-suited for cropping vegetation and much more adept at for gripping, puncturing and cutting (Joeckel, 1990). Even more formidable were the canines. Like the modern pigs from which entelodonts derived their nicknames, the canines of Archaeotherium were sharp and enlarged to form prominent tusk-like teeth, but unlike pigs, they were rounded in cross-section (similar to modern carnivores like big cats, indicating more durable canines that can absorb and resist torsional forces, such as those from struggling prey) and were serrated to form a distinct cutting edge (Effinger, 1998; Joeckel, 1990; Ruff & Van Valkenburgh, 1987). These canines, along with the incisors, interlock to stabilize the jaws while biting and dismantling in a carnivore-like fashion. More strikingly, the canines also seem to act as “occlusal guides,” wherein the canines help align the movement and position of the rear teeth as they come together, allowing for a more efficient shearing action by the rear teeth. This function is seen most prevalently modern carnivores mammals, and is evidenced by the canine tooth-wear, which is also analogous to modern predators like bears and canids (Joeckel, 1990). Indeed, going off such teeth alone, it is clear that Archaeotherium is far more predatory than expected of an ungulate. However, the real stars of the show, the teeth that truly betray the predatory nature of these ungulates, are the premolars. Perhaps the most carnivore-like teeth in the entelodont’s entire tooth row, the premolars of Archaeotherium, particularly the anterior premolars, are laterally compressed, somewhat conical in shape, and are weakly serrated to bear a cutting edge, giving them a somewhat carnivorous form and function of shearing and slicing (Effinger, 1998). Most strikingly of all, the premolars of Archaeotherium bear unique features similar not to modern herbivores, but to durophagous carnivores like hyenas, particularly apical wear patterns, highly thickened enamel, “zigzag-shaped” enamel prism layers (Hunter-Schraeger bands) on the premolars which is also seen in osteophagous animals like hyenas, and an interlocking premolar interface wherein linear objects (such as bones) inserted into jaws from the side would be pinned between the premolars and crushed (Foss, 2001). Taken together, these features do not suggest a diet of grass or vegetation like other ungulates. Rather, they suggest a far more violent diet, one including flesh as well as hard, durable foods, particularly bone. All in all, the evidence is clear. Archaeotherium and other entelodonts, unlike the rest of their artiodactyl kin, were not the passive herbivores as we envision ungulates today. Rather, they were willing, unrepentant meat-eaters that had a taste for flesh as well as foliage.
Of course, even with such lines of evidence, its hard to conclude that Archaeotherium was a true predator. After all, its wide gape and durophagous teeth could have just as easily been used for scavenging or even to eat tough plant matter such as seeds or nuts, as in peccaries and pigs, which themselves share many of the same adaptations as Archaeotherium, include the more carnivorous ones (e.g. the wide gape, using the canines as an occlusal guide, etc.). How exactly do we know that these things were veritable predators and not pretenders to the title. To this end, there is yet one last piece of evidence, one that puts on full display the predatory prowess of Archaeotherium —evidence of a kill itself. Found within oligocene-aged sediment in what is now Wyoming, a collection of various fossil remains was found, each belonging to the ancient sheep-sized camel Poebrotherium, with many of the skeletal remains being disarticulated and even missing whole hindlimbs or even entire rear halves of their body. Tellingly, many of the remains bear extensive bite marks and puncture wounds across their surface. Upon close examination, the spacing and size of the punctures leave only one culprit: Archaeotherium. Of course, such an event could still have been scavenging; the entelodonts were consuming the remains of already dead, decomposed camels, explaining the bite marks. What was far more telling, however, was where the bite marks were found. In addition bite marks being found on the torso and lumbar regions of the camels, various puncture wounds were found on the skull and neck, which were otherwise uneaten. Scavengers rarely feast on the head to begin with; there is very little worthwhile meat on it besides the brain, cheek-muscles and eyes, and even if they did feed on the skull and neck, they would still eat it wholesale, not merely bite it and then leave it otherwise untouched. Indeed, it was clear that this was no mere scavenging event. Rather than merely consuming these camels, Archaeotherium was actively preying upon and killing them, dispatching them via a crushing bite to the skull or neck before dismembering and even bisecting the hapless camels with their powerful jaws to preferentially feast on their hindquarters (likely by swallowing the hindquarters whole, as the pelvis of Poebrotherium was coincidentally the perfect width for Archaeotherium to devour whole), eventually discarding the leftovers in meat caches for later consumption (Sundell, 1999). With this finding, such a feat of brutality leaves no doubt in ones mind as to what the true nature of Archaeotherium was. This was no herbivore, nor was it a simple scavenger. This was an active, rapacious predator, the most powerful in its entire ecosystem.
Indeed, with such brutal evidence of predation frozen in time, combined with various dental, cranial, and post cranial adaptations of this formidable animal, it’s possible to paint a picture of how this formidable creature lived. Though an omnivore by trade, willing and able to feast on plant matter such as grass, roots and tubers, Archaeotherium was also a wanton predator that took just about any prey it wanted. Upon detecting its prey, it approached its vicim from ambush before launching itself at blazing speed. From there, its cursorial, hoofed legs, used by other ungulates for escape predation, were here employed to capture prey, carrying it at great speeds as it caught up to its quarry. Having closed the distance with its target, it was then that the entelodont brought its jaws to bear, grabbing hold of the victim with powerful jaws and gripping teeth to bring it to a screeching halt. If the victim is lucky, Archaeotherium will then kill it quickly with a crushing bite to the skull or neck, puncturing the brain or spinal cord and killing its target instantly. If not, the victim is eaten alive, torn apart while it’s still kicking, as modern boars will do today. In any case, incapacitated prey are subsequently dismantled, with the entelodont using its entire head and heavily-muscled necks to bite into and pull apart its victim in devastating “puncture-and pull’ bites (Foss, 2001). Prey would then finally be consumed starting at the hindquarters, with not even the bones of its prey being spared. Such brutality, though far from clean, drove home a singular truth: that during this time, ungulates were not just prey, that they were not the mere “predator-fodder” we know them as today. rather, they themselves were the predators themselves, dominating as superb hunters within their domain and even suppressing clades we know as predators today, least of all the carnivorans. Indeed, during this point in time, the age of the carnivorous ungulates had hit their stride, and more specifically, the age of entelodonts had begun.
Of course, more so than any other ettelodont, Archaeotherium took to this new age with gusto. Archaeotherium lived from 35-28 million years ago during the late Eocene and early Oligocene in a locality known today as the White River Badlands, a fossil locality nestled along the Great Plains and Rocky Mountains. Though a chalky, barren landscape today, during the time of Archaeotherium, the White River Badlands was a swamp-like floodplain crisscrossed with rivers and interspersed with by a mosaic of forests concentrated around waterways, open woodlands and open plains. As with most ecosystems with such a lush disposition, this locale teemed with life, with ancient hornless rhinos, small horse-like hyracodonts and early camels roaming the open habitats while giant brontotheres, small early horses and strange, sheep-like ungulates called merycoidodonts (also known as “oreodonts”) dwelled within the dense forests. Within this locale, Archaeotherium stalked the open woodlands and riparian forests of its domain. Here, it acted as a dominant predator and scavenger across is territory, filling a niche similar to modern grizzly bears but far more predatory. Among its preferred food items would be plant matter such as roots, foliage and nuts, but also meat in the form of carrion or freshly caught prey. In this respect, smaller ungulates such as the fleet-footed camel Poebrotherium, a known prey item of Archaeotherium, would have made a for choice prey, as its small size would make it easy for Archaeotherium to dispatch with its powerful jaws, while the entelodonts swift legs gave it the speed necessary to keep pace with its agile prey.
However, the entelodont didn’t have such a feast all to itself. Just as the badlands teemed with herbivores, so too did it teem with rival predators. Among their ranks included fearsome predators such as Hyaenodon, a powerful, vaguely dog-like predator up to the size of wolves (as in H. horridus) or even lions (as in the Eocene-aged H. megaloides, which was replaced by H. horridus during the Oligocene). Armed with a massive head, fierce jaws and a set of knife-like teeth that could cut down even large prey in seconds, these were some of the most formidable predators on the landscape. There were also the nimravids, cat-like carnivorans that bore saber-teeth to kill large prey in seconds, and included the likes of the lynx-sized Dinictis, the leopard-sized Hoplophoneus and even the jaguar-sized Eusmilus. Furthermore, there were amphicyonids, better known as the bear-dogs. Though known from much larger forms later on in their existence, during the late Eocene and Oligocene, they were much smaller and acted as the “canid-analogues” of the ecosystem, filling a role similar to wolves or coyotes. Last but not least, there were the bathornithid birds, huge cariamiform birds related to modern seriemas but much larger, which filled a niche similar to modern seriemas or secretary birds, albeit on a much larger scale. Given such competition, it would seem that Archaeotherium would have its hands full. However, things are not as they appear. For starters, habitat differences would mitigate high amounts of competition, as both Hyaenodon and the various nimravids occupy more specialized ecological roles (being a plains-specialist and forest-specialist, respectively) than did Archaeotherium, providing a buffer to stave off competition: More importantly, however, none of the aforementioned predators were simply big enough to take Archaeotherium on. During the roughly 7 million years existence of Archaeotherium, the only carnivore that matched it in size was H. megaloides, and even that would have an only applied to average A. mortoni individuals, not to the much larger, bison-sized “Megachoerus” individuals. The next largest predator at that point would be the jaguars-sized Eusmilus (specifically E. adelos) which would have only been a bit more than half the size of even an average A. mortoni. Besides that, virtually every other predator on the landscape was simply outclassed by the much larger entelodont in terms of size and brute strength. As such, within its domain, Archaeotherium had total, unquestioned authority, dominating the other predators in the landscape and likely stealing their kills as well. In fact, just about the only threat Archaeotherium had was other Archaeotherium, as fossil bite marks suggest that this animal regularly and fraglantly engaged in intraspecific combat, usually through face-biting and possibly even jaw-wrestling (Effinger, 1998; Tanke & Currie, 1998). Nevertheless, it was clear that Archaeotherium was the undisputed king of the badlands; in a landscape of hyaenodonts and carnivorans galore, it was a hoofed ungulate that reigned supreme.
However, such a reign would not last. As the Eocene transitioned into the Eocene, the planet underwent an abrupt cooling and drying phase known as Eocene-Oligocene Transition or more simply the Grande Coupure. This change in climate would eliminate the sprawling wetlands and river systems that Archaeotherium had been depending on, gradually replacing it with drier and more open habitats. To its credit, Archaeotherium did manage to hang on, persisting well after the Grand-Coupure had taken place, but in the end the damage had been done; Archaeotherium was a dead-man-walking. Eventually, by around 28 million years ago, Archaeotherium would go extinct, perishing due to this change in global climate (Gillham, 2019). Entelodonts as a whole would persist into the Miocene, producing some of their largest forms ever known in the form of the bison-sized Daeodon (which was itself even more carnivorous than Archaeotherium), however they too would meet the same fate as their earlier cousins. By around 15-20 million years ago, entelodonts as a whole would go extinct. However, while the entelodonts may have perished, this was not the end of carnivorous ungulates as a whole. Recall that the cetacodontamorphs, the lineage of artiodactyls that produced the entelodonts, left behind two living descendants. The first among them were the hippos, themselves fairly frequent herbivores. The second of such lineage, however, was a different story. Emerging out of South Asia, this lineage of piscivorous cetacodontamorphs, in a an attempt to further specialize for the fish-hunting lifestyle, began to delve further and further into the water, becoming more and more aquatic and the millennia passed by. At a certain point, these carnivorous artiodactlys had become something completely unrecognizable from their original hoofed forms. Their skin became hairless and their bodies became streamlined for life in water. Their hoofed limbs grew into giant flippers for steering in the water and their previously tiny tails became massive and sported giant tail flukes for aquatic propulsion. Their noses even moved to the tip of their head, becoming a blowhole that would be signature to this clade as a whole. Indeed, this clade was none other than the modern whales, themselves derived, carnivorous ungulates that had specialized for a life in the water, and in doing so, became the some of the most dominant aquatic predators across the globe for millions of years. Indeed, though long gone, the legacy of the entelodonts and of predatory ungulates as a whole, a legacy Archaeotherium itself had helped foster, lives on in these paragons of predatory prowess, showing that the ungulates are more than just the mere “prey” that they are often made out to be. Moreover, given the success that carnivorous ungulates had enjoyed in the past and given how modern omnivorous ungulates like boar dabble in predation themselves, perhaps, in the distant future, this planet may see the rise of carnivorous ungulates once again, following in the footsteps left behind by Archaeotherium and the other predatory ungulates all those millions of years ago.
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2024.05.14 15:30 doctorgecko Respect Gastrodon (Pokemon Anime)

Shellos/Gastrodon

Gastrodon is the Sea Slug Pokemon, and is one of the Pokemon species introduced in Generation 4 of the franchise. It is an aquatic Pokemon that once possessed a large shell, but is now a boneless creature that typically inhabits shallow coastal areas. Most notably, Shellos and Gastrodon's appearances vary depending on where it has adapted to, and both the pink West Coast and blue East Coast variants can be found.
Index
Notes

Shellos

Notable Shellos Trainers: Zoey
Type: Water
Weaknesses: Electric, Grass
Resistances: Water, Fire, Ice, Steel
The unevolved form of the line. The only notable Shellos in the anime is the one that was owned by Dawn's rival Zoey, albeit as one of her most used Pokemon.
Mud Bomb
Other Moves
Speed/Mobility
Durability
Misc

Gastrodon

Notable Gastrodon Trainers: Zoey, Paul, Cynthia
Type: WateGround
Weaknesses: Grass
Resistances: Poison, Rock, Fire, Steel
Immunities: Electric
(Bolded types are types it is extremely weak/resistant to)
The evolved form of the line. Gastrodon has been used by multiple notable trainers, including both Ash and Dawn's main Sinnoh rivals, and even the Sinnoh Champion Cynthia.
Muddy Water
Water Pulse
Ice Beam
Stone Edge
Other Ranged Moves
Strength
Speed/Mobility
Durability
Misc

Scaling

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