I'm procrastinating and am in a storytelling mood, so here is one full of teenage stupidity.
Part one: The crush that only lasted two weeks : D
I was 16 (F) at the time and decided to dual enroll in a community college to take French, so I could knock out the two years of foreign language requirement in one semester. I had never taken French before, so jumping right into the college level was tough, but luckily the college provided peer tutors.
There was only one French tutor. He was 23, spoke three languages, was well-traveled, had dark curly hair, etc. I thought he was very attractive.....for about two weeks. I got to know him and discovered he hated any disagreement. If we had different opinions on food, he'd shut the conversation down. If we had different tastes in art, he'd shut the conversation down. This was very annoying and made me lose attraction to him, so we were just friends.
Part two: The promptly ignored red flags
I was very shy, so for a while, he was my only friend. We hung out all the time. He'd help me with my French and I'd help him with English. He'd walk me to my high school. It was a good system in my mind, but here were all the things in our friendship that I ignored:

• Constant touching. We'd be in the middle of a tutoring session, and he'd playfully kick me under the table. I'd tell him to stop, and he wouldn't. Other examples: If I wasn't paying attention to him, he'd touch my ear or jaw. If I was walking faster than him, he'd grab my arm to force me to slow down. It never mattered if I asked him not to touch me.
• Taking pictures of me without my knowledge. He asked me once if we could take a picture together, and I explained that I don't like being in pictures. So he started taking pictures of me when I wasn't looking.
• Constantly commenting on how I looked. "You're so pretty." "Dang those eyes." "I like it better when you wear red." "I like that you don't wear makeup." "You're like a pretty bird. I think that's what I'll call you from now on." "I like that you're slim."
• Making me feel bad for not talking to him. If I took too long to respond to his texts he'd sometimes send messages like, "I get the feeling that one day you're never going to talk to me again." To which my bumb butt would respond with, "What?! No, I love talking to you! Why would you think that?"

Why did I ignore my discomfort with him touching me, taking pictures, etc.? Because I sincerely thought I was the problem. I thought he was being a normal friend and I was in the wrong for being too insecure to like that stuff.
Part three: The confession
He told me he loved me in a text. Two weeks before my French final I woke up to this:
Him: "I'm in love with you, but I think you only see me as a friend. Is this true?"
Me: "Yes. I'm sorry..."
Him: "I'm dead. You killed me."
Part Four: The falling out
He started posting passive-aggressive things on Instagram about me and also ignored me in person until after finals. Luckily, I was able to work up the courage to ask a classmate to be my study buddy, so I wasn't screwed for the final.
I tried to still be his friend after, but then COVID happened. From 2020-2022 he would send me a simple "Are you still alive?" message for every birthday and major holiday. I responded to them at first but got frustrated with him blaming his loneliness on me. I blocked him after I found out he was flirting with my friend, who was younger than me. She was 16, and he was 25 at the time....
Oh boy does being an adult now put the past in an interesting perspective...

I live in NY and we have a daughter. I hurt his feelings so he halted the divorce again. I left him in 2017 and have been legally separated for 3 years. There is a clause in our separation agreement that I hastily signed when trying to escape him that requires me to live in the same school district. This typically wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that he works for the town and has access to all sorts of my business like info about my home and somehow frequently intercepts information that should be for my eyes only simply because his peers are made to believe we are still together and we share the same last name. I am essentially forced to see him often around town which makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I have been trapped. This is the only thing in our agreement I want to change and is likely another reason for him halting the divorce. Would it be stupid to file for contested divorce at this point? We have now been separated for a whole year longer than we were ever together. He is a psychopath that won't let me move on for seemingly no reason. I am constantly harassed, spoken down to and made to feel like a "bad mother" via endless daily phone calls and texts for years now, typically written in a manner that would be difficult for anyone ignorant of the situation to notice it's derogatory. For example, Today on my way to pick up my dauther from school I received a text from him. It was a picture of him following my car saying "running a little close for our daughter are we?", claiming falsely that I was running late to pick her up. I have given him my old house, I have given him all of my belongings inside the house, I have given him my dog. I allowed him to have the home our child was raised in initially to be her primary residence. We have 50/50 custody I don't plan on ever leaving her, just leaving far enough away from him.

I’ve been typed in MBTI but as a multitude of different types, and only once by Socionicists before (is that a word?), but was in a very unhealthy mental place then and I’m not sure it was accurate. I've filled out the questionnaire and tried to be thorough, although I think it comes across as rather muddled in some points, so I'm happy to clarify any bits. Thanks in advance for any help or input!
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• I study medieval languages and literature and folklore at a PhD level. I came into this somewhat accidentally - I’ve always been interested in history (not solely medieval), but began to specialise a bit more and found I had a knack for picking up several dead languages quite quickly. I always say I came to it by accident, but that sort of downplays how much I love it, and how I’ve been obsessed with history since I was a child.
• I love getting perspectives from the past and thinking about different belief systems, how perspectives on the world have changed diachronically and vary geographically. I want to understand the people of the past, sort of as an example of innate archetypical humanity in incredibly varied contexts. Reading these texts helps me understand people I know, myself, and humanity as a whole better. I also love how varied my day can be - I go to new places each year, I work on different projects each month, and I solve different problems each day.
• I dislike some of the instability surrounding future jobs - although I’m in one of the best departments in the world for this topic, it can be very difficult to get a job post-PhD in academia, something that remains a worry despite not being an imminent problem to solve.

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I work a lot and my partner says I don’t know how to relax. So a lot of my “hobbies” are doing things like learning extra languages (I recently started German), specifically languages that will be useful for my future studies/work.
• I work out pretty consistently, a mix of strength-training and cardio. I try to keep it even (although I read somewhere that a 60/40 split is optimal, 50/50 is close enough). I do this for a mix of health benefits, stress-relief (possibly could be considered a health benefit) and vanity. I will drop workouts when work becomes too busy though (it’s not priority number one)
• I like rock-climbing and hiking when I can, but I don’t do this daily.
• I plan future travels and work, and I also really like organising social events, but most of that is centred around organising and helping run departmental events at the moment. Despite this, I can be a bit of a shut-in on a day-to-day basis.
• I also play video games as stress relief, if I’ve completed enough stuff in the day. Games like Skyrim, Ghost of Tsushima, etc.
• I also spend a lot of time on reddit reading about various topics related to fantasy novels or videogames, mythology, psychology and psychiatry, various personality-typing systems, true crime (although less into this one than the others) also watch youtube videos about such things.

What are your values, and why?

• I value determination, grit, and intelligence in friends quite a bit, and a sort of “can-do” optimism
• I value inclusivity, I dislike cliquish behaviour.
• I sort of don’t know how to describe this, but I find it annoying when people try to interfere in my work to suit their agenda - I value a sort of friendly “live and let live” mentality.
• Following on that, I value approaching people with an understanding rather than judgmental mindset

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• I am not super hands on with my family - I live on the other side of the world from them - but I do like them, and keep connected electronically and through weekly or fortnightly Skype calls. I sometimes feel that they don’t really understand my interests, but they do care and try to pay attention regardless, and I know they see me as somewhat distant, but they see that as a personality quirk rather than indicative of lack of affection.
• I don’t have a super large friend group at the moment but have in the past. I’m focussing on quality over quantity at the moment, after spending a lot of time working in nightlife earlier in my life and having the massive social circles.
• I appreciate that my friends are intelligent, passionate, well-travelled and ambitious people.
• I struggle sometimes when friends don’t take me into account when I have done so for them, and I also sometimes find people a bit too caught up in their own worldviews and concerns without seeing what (to me) is the bigger community picture. I also really dislike when people try to apply moral pressure on me (that I have to care about a cause or I’m a bad person, etc.). I also find it frustrating when I’m the sole organiser of events or meet-ups.

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• This was somewhat answered above, but I also enjoy outgoing and warm people, and people who I think I can rely upon. I try to take people as they come, though, and have had all sorts of friends.
• In romantic relationships, I like when people are ambitious, determined, and intelligent but also kind and passionate people. I like them to have a level of overlapping interests with me (my partner is also a medieval scholar, but works more with artefacts and museum work).

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• I can be accidentally rude at times without realising, and also can be a bit dismissive of views I think are dumb, sometimes hastily so.
• I can over-explain or simply talk too much or over-theorise
• I can be a bit of a people-pleaser
• A recent conflict was my trying to organise a departmental event and the other graduate students not contributing or seeing the larger picture of how that would help our department as a community, which I got very frustrated by.

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• I work really hard
• I try to create opportunities not just for myself but for those around me. I think we (not the whole world, obviously, but those around me) can all succeed.
• I am thorough in everything and don’t really half-ass stuff.
• I am pretty friendly and always up for a chat or to be a shoulder to cry on, and am pretty nonjudgmental (one friend says I always try to attribute other’s actions to a positive motive)

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I can be impatient and don’t know how to relax/wait for things.
• Sometimes I can come across as weird or intense, and I wish I was better at toning that down and relating to people
• I get pretty insecure about what people think of me at times, and wish I was a little better or more confident there.
• I take on too much work - I have been called an “arbeidsoptimist” before
• Sometimes I can be overly conflict-avoidant - I’ll get frustrated by people, but try to work around that.
• I can be a bit hesitant about making decisions
• I have a moderately murky sense of self - hence the need for a typing questionnaire and struggles with self-typing
• When stressed, I catastrophise a lot, and can have quite a lot of anxiety about not living up to my potential or failing at the things I am working on.

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I am good at keeping myself on task and working towards goals, I don’t really struggle with motivation or such.
• I’m pretty good at building connections and friendships with professors and other people and maintaining a sort of warm, friendly atmosphere in workplaces.
• I need help at times figuring which information is important and which can be left out. My work tends to spiral outwards and things like page-counts in papers or time-limits in presentations seem horrendously oppressive.
• I need help with taxes.
• I sometimes need help figuring out why I’m upset about things.
• I would like help figuring out my socionics type ;)

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike cooking (it just doesn’t interest me, although I enjoy tasting different kinds of food, I am also happy eating the same thing everyday, which I do when I live on my own).
• I dislike things like taxes.
• I am struggling with this question. I guess I dislike when I cannot plan and have to wait and see about more information (not strictly a “dislike doing” answer). Unresolved problems or conflicts give me a lot of anxiety.
• I enjoy going to museums, climbing, exercise (while listening to a podcast about an interest, preferably in another language), analysing medieval literature, planning initiatives, theorising and brainstorming with professors and some friends.

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• I want to publish more articles in and outside of my field. I have a couple I’m working on now, which range from 19th century literature (recently accepted as a journal article!) to niche folklore topics (recently presented at a conference) to medieval travel literature (readying for publication), so that is my immediate term, along with some travel for language-study later in the summer.
• Long term, I want to finish my PhD and become a professor in my field at a research-heavy (R1 or the equivalent) university
• I hope to master more languages (I need working competency in 5 to even pass my PhD qualifying exams), and to do so, I plan to travel (and acquire funding for that).
• I also want to be a little closer to my family, and take care of my partner and eventually marry.

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I have a lot of trinkets, artifacts, candles, and pieces of artwork up in my room. They are pretty varied, from statues (a bronze buddha from Sri Lanka, a basalt Horus from Egypt, and so forth) to artwork (Dante’s inferno by Botticelli, a Dali painting is up too at the moment), to some tibetan prayer flags, etc. Basically just stuff I’ve gotten from travels or as gifts.
• I’m pretty clean, in all honesty. I don’t mind clutter, but I don’t like when things are dirty.

If you won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, what would you do?

• Exactly what I am doing, but I’d have a nicer place to live and worry a little less. I acquire external funding for a lot of my travels, etc., so that stuff wouldn’t really change.

What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?

• I find it somewhat endearing when people talk a lot about their own interests. I can usually relate it to things I am interested in without needing them to do that for me, and I also usually just find those things interesting.
• I find it endearing when
• I sometimes find it difficult when people leave all decision-making up to me, even if they’re trying to be flexible/easy. I can make the decisions, but don’t always like to.

How do you behave around strangers?

• I am very polite, but don’t really engage with strangers that often. I can be a bit shy, and used to have a decent amount of social anxiety, but lately I’m just not interested in interacting with strangers.

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• Conflict really causes me a lot of anxiety if it’s with someone I know or have to see in the future. In those instances, I usually just don’t end up in conflict with them: I’m pretty friendly and try to see people’s perspectives.
• If not, and it’s with a stranger, I kind of just ignore them.

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• Not sure. I kind of prefer doing what I’m doing now - the research and teaching aspects. I don’t really know what sort of value I’d be adding to the world with a business, but I suppose if I could find something that was both interesting for me and seemed to fill a needed niche, sure.
• I like the business Facsimile finder, they make medieval manuscript reproductions. Perhaps something like that, or creating a sort of community centre/third place (I used to think about owning a pub, back in my bartending days).

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• I keep things pretty simple, and try to stick to classic clothes (rather than trendy). Timeless and simple, more or less. That being said, I enjoy colours, and try to model my wardrobe a bit off of an autumnal palate (I got really into colour season theory a couple of months ago briefly, and was “typing” all of my friends and myself, now I just use it when thrifting for new clothes).
• I pretty much exclusively get clothes either as gifts or through thrift stores. I sort of really dislike shopping otherwise.
• I take care of myself physically, and keep a simple but effective skincare routine and eat moderately healthy. It stresses me out when things like skincare have too many steps, though.

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Yeah, I think kids are nice. I appreciate how much potential they have and how good-hearted and imaginative they usually are. That being said, I don’t always find them particularly interesting, so I guess more of a generally benevolent ambivalence from my end.

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I’m pretty fulfilled right now, in all honesty. I have work that challenges me but is super interesting and allows (and pays) for lots of travel, I have a loving partner, I have a relatively secure future for the remainder of my PhD programme (minimum four more years).
• I do wish I had a better social circle right now though, but I honestly haven’t put enough effort in to build one (I have two social circles but we’re all busy/inconsistent).

Enhancing Web Navigation through PARAMS

Understanding how to seamlessly incorporate email addresses into a website's URL represents a significant leap towards advanced web development and user interaction. This method, primarily achieved through the use of URL parameters (PARAMS), allows for a more dynamic and personalized web browsing experience. It enables developers to create more engaging, user-centric websites that can effectively communicate with visitors by utilizing their email addresses for various purposes, such as customization, pre-filled forms, or personalized greetings. This approach not only simplifies the user journey but also opens up new avenues for marketing strategies and customer engagement.
The technical execution of appending email addresses to URLs involves a nuanced understanding of web development practices, particularly in the manipulation of the query string. By leveraging the PARAMS element within a URL, developers can pass user-specific information, such as an email address, between web pages or to server-side scripts. This process requires careful consideration of URL encoding to ensure that special characters in email addresses do not interfere with the URL structure. Understanding these technicalities is essential for developers looking to enhance website functionality and offer a more tailored browsing experience to their users.

Command/Feature	Description
window.location.href	JavaScript property to get or set the URL of the current page
encodeURIComponent()	JavaScript function to encode a URI component, including email addresses, to ensure special characters do not interfere with the URL structure

Expanding the Use of URL Parameters for Email Integration

Integrating email addresses into website URLs using parameters is a powerful technique for personalizing the user experience and enhancing data tracking capabilities. This method involves appending email addresses or other user-specific data to URLs as query parameters, which can then be accessed and utilized by the web page or server-side scripts. For example, by including an email address as a URL parameter, a website can offer a personalized welcome message to the user or pre-fill forms with their information, reducing the effort required for form submissions and improving user satisfaction. Additionally, this approach can significantly benefit marketing efforts, allowing for the tracking of user engagement and the effectiveness of email marketing campaigns by monitoring how users interact with the website after clicking on a link embedded in an email.
The technical aspect of adding email addresses to URLs involves careful encoding to ensure that special characters in email addresses do not disrupt the URL structure. The JavaScript function encodeURIComponent is essential in this context, as it makes email addresses safe to include in URLs by encoding characters such as '@' that could otherwise be misinterpreted by web browsers. Moreover, developers must also consider security and privacy implications, ensuring that sensitive information transmitted via URL parameters is protected, for example, by using HTTPS to encrypt data in transit. Implementing these techniques requires a balance between enhancing user experience and maintaining data security, emphasizing the need for best practices in web development and design.

Appending an Email to a URL

JavaScript Example

const email = "user@example.com"; const baseUrl = "http://www.example.com"; const encodedEmail = encodeURIComponent(email); window.location.href = `${baseUrl}/?email=${encodedEmail}`; 

Enhancing User Experience Through URL Parameters

Embedding email addresses into URLs using parameters is a sophisticated approach aimed at customizing the user's online journey. This technique enables websites to deliver a more personalized experience by using the information transmitted through URL parameters. For instance, a website could automatically fill in a user's email address on a subscription form based on the parameters passed in the URL, thereby simplifying the process for users and increasing the likelihood of form submission. This method not only improves user engagement but also provides a seamless transition for users following links from emails, directly impacting the efficiency of email marketing campaigns by offering tailored content or special offers based on the user's previous interactions with the website.
However, the utilization of email addresses in URL parameters necessitates a thorough understanding of web security practices. Given the potential for sensitive information to be exposed in URLs, it's paramount that developers implement measures to safeguard this data. This includes ensuring that any webpage handling URL parameters over HTTPS to encrypt the data transmitted between the client and server. Additionally, developers should be cautious about how this data is stored or logged to prevent unintended disclosure of personal information. Adhering to these security measures can mitigate risks while harnessing the benefits of personalized web experiences through URL parameter integration.

FAQs on Integrating Email Addresses into URLs

1. Question: Is it safe to include email addresses in URLs?
2. Answer: Including email addresses in URLs can be safe if transmitted over HTTPS and if proper encoding is used. However, developers must be cautious of privacy concerns and ensure that sensitive information is handled securely.
3. Question: How do you encode email addresses for URL parameters?
4. Answer: Email addresses can be encoded using the JavaScript function encodeURIComponent() to ensure that special characters, such as the '@' symbol, are properly formatted for URL inclusion without breaking the structure.
5. Question: Can email parameters in URLs improve user experience?
6. Answer: Yes, by using email parameters, websites can offer personalized experiences, such as greeting users by name or pre-filling forms, enhancing the overall user experience.
7. Question: What are the privacy concerns with using email addresses in URLs?
8. Answer: The primary concern is the potential exposure of email addresses in server logs, browser history, or through referral headers, risking the user's privacy.
9. Question: How can I secure email information passed in URLs?
10. Answer: To secure email information, ensure that your website uses HTTPS to encrypt data transmitted between the client and server, and avoid storing sensitive information in URLs whenever possible.

Final Thoughts on URL Parameter Integration

Utilizing URL parameters to include email addresses in website URLs offers a unique opportunity to personalize the user experience and streamline interactions. This technique enables a direct and customized approach to web navigation, where users are greeted with content that resonates with their preferences and needs. Despite its benefits, the practice requires a nuanced understanding of web security and privacy considerations to protect user data effectively. Secure practices, such as using HTTPS and proper data encoding, are essential to prevent potential data breaches and ensure user trust. As the digital landscape continues to evolve, leveraging URL parameters for email integration represents a forward-thinking approach to web development. It underscores the importance of creating user-centric websites that prioritize security, privacy, and personalized experiences, marking a significant step towards more engaging and responsive web environments.
https://www.tempmail.us.com/en/params/integrating-email-addresses-into-website-urls-with-the-params-method

Hello, I am working on a side project where I use django for the backend and react for the front end, the project is basically an ELearning platform, part of it is a pdf viewer with annotations by both the author and the users. First of All the admin uploads a PDF file in the admin panel, then using python. The server converts the pdf into htmt&css ,then parses the file content to look for any words or abbreviations that has an explaintation in the db, it adds them in an animated popup span respectively . Then sends back the ready html file to the front end to display, the user has the ability to add annotations to, when the user for example adds an annotatio , we issue a post request to django with the body being the annotation content , respective word and user.
The next time the user loads the file it I show him the annotations added by him. And do ao dor every user. The problem here is i am converting pdf to html&css just because pdfs are static and dont allow animations, also the size of converted html file is Relativity big , especially if the pdf file is created originally from photos and not text . also i dont want to type the content manyally , i want to upload ready pdf documents to the server.so i cant use a WYSIWYG editor to the admin panel. Pdf js doesn't seem to suplly all the necessary needs , and neither django..

I've previously done therapeutic counseling in the past (for 3 and 6 months) and I'm thinking of trying therapy again for issues related to anger outbursts and sex mostly. I'd like something psychoanalytically- and trauma-informed. However, I didn't find the previous experiences fruitful or helpful in any way - I didn't really get what was supposed to happen...I would just talk about things that I'd be thinking about, and would either get silence or surface level affirmation from the clinician ("That must've been really hard" etc). It felt open ended in a way that didn't lead anywhere. Is this supposed to happen? What kind of therapy is there that is more structured, without becoming a regimented program like DBT for example?

In the ’80s, the spy agency investigated the "Gateway Experience" technique to alter consciousness and ultimately escape spacetime.
The intrigue revolves around a classified 1983 CIA report on a technique called the Gateway Experience, which is a training system designed to focus brainwave output to alter consciousness and ultimately escape the restrictions of time and space.
The CIA was interested in all sorts of psychic research at the time, including the theory of applications of remote viewing, which is when someone views real events with only the power of their mind. The documents have since been declassified and are available to view.
This is a comprehensive excavation of The Gateway Process report. The first section provides a timeline of the key historical developments that led to the CIA’s investigation and subsequent experimentations. The second section is a review of The Gateway Process report. It opens with a wall of theoretical context, on the other side of which lies enough understanding to begin to grasp the principles underlying the Gateway Experience training. The last section outlines the Gateway technique itself and the steps that go into achieving spacetime transcendence.
Let’s go.
THE TIMELINE
• 1950s - Robert Monroe, a radio broadcasting executive, begins producing evidence that specific sound patterns have identifiable effects on human capabilities. These include alertness, sleepiness, and expanded states of consciousness.
• 1956 - Monroe forms an R&D division inside his radio program production corporation RAM Enterprises. The goal is to study sound’s effect on human consciousness. He was obsessed with “Sleep-Learning," or hypnopedia, which exposes sleepers to sound recordings to boost memory of previously learned information.
• 1958 - While experimenting with Sleep-Learning, Monroe discovers an unusual phenomenon. He describes it as sensations of paralysis and vibration accompanied by bright light. It allegedly happens nine times over the proceeding six weeks, and culminates in an out-of-body experience (OBE).
• 1962 - RAM Enterprises moves to Virginia, and renames itself Monroe Industries. It becomes active in radio station ownership, cable television, and later in the production and sale of audio cassettes. These cassettes contain applied learnings from the corporate research program, which is renamed The Monroe Institute.
• 1971 - Monroe publishes Journeys Out of the Body, a book that is credited with popularizing the term “out-of-body experience.”
• 1972 - A classified report circulates in the U.S. military and intelligence communities. It claims that the Soviet Union is pouring money into research involving ESP and psychokinesis for espionage purposes.
• 1975 - Monroe registers the first of several patents concerning audio techniques designed to stimulate brain functions until the left and right hemispheres become synchronized. Monroe dubs the state "Hemi-Sync" (hemispheric synchronization), and claims it could be used to promote mental well-being or to trigger an altered state of consciousness.
• 1978 to 1984 - Army veteran Joseph McMoneagle contributes to 450 remote viewing missions under Project Stargate. He is known as “Remote View No. 1”.
• June 9th, 1983 - The CIA report "Analysis and Assessment of The Gateway Process" is produced. It provides a scientific framework for understanding and expanding human consciousness, out-of-body experiments, and other altered states of mind.
• 1989 - Remote viewer Angela Dellafiora Ford helps track down a former customs agent who has gone on the run. She pinpoints his location as “Lowell, Wyoming”. U.S. Customs apprehend him 100 miles west of a Wyoming town called Lovell.
• 2003 - The CIA approves declassification of the Gateway Process report.
• 2017 - The CIA declassifies 12 million pages of records revealing previously unknown details about the program, which would eventually become known as Project Stargate.
THE REPORT
Personnel
The author of The Gateway Process report is Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M. McDonnell, hereon referred to simply as Wayne. There isn’t a tremendous amount of information available on the man, nor any photographs. In 1983, Wayne was tasked by the Commander of the U.S. Army Operational Group with figuring out how The Gateway Experience, astral projection and out-of-body experiences work. Wayne partnered with a bunch of different folks to produce the report, most notably Itzhak Bentov, a very Googleable American-Israeli scientist who helped pioneer the biomedical engineering industry.
A scientific approach
From the outset of the report, Wayne states his intent to employ an objective scientific method in order to understand the Gateway process. The various scientific avenues he takes include:
• A biomedical inquiry to understand the physical aspects of the process.
• Information on quantum mechanics to describe the nature and functioning of human consciousness.
• Theoretical physics to explain the time-space dimension and means by which expanded human consciousness transcends it.
• Classical physics to bring the whole phenomenon of out-of-body states into the language of physical science (and remove the stigma of an occult connotation).
Methodological frames of reference
Before diving into the Gateway Experience, Wayne develops a frame of reference by dissecting three discrete consciousness-altering methodologies. He’s basically saying, there’s no way you’re going to get through The Gateway without a solid grounding in the brain-altering techniques that came before it.
1) He begins with hypnosis. The language is extremely dense, but the basic gist is as follows: the left side of the brain screens incoming stimuli, categorizing, assessing and assigning meaning to everything through self-cognitive, verbal, and linear reasoning. The left hemisphere then dishes the carefully prepared data to the non-critical, holistic, pattern-oriented right hemisphere, which accepts everything without question. Hypnosis works by putting the left side to sleep, or at least distracting it long enough to allow incoming data direct, unchallenged entry to the right hemisphere. There, stimuli can reach the sensor and motor cortices of the right brain, which corresponds to points in the body. Suggestions then can send electrical signals from the brain to certain parts of the body. Directing these signals appropriately, according to the report, can elicit reactions ranging from left leg numbness to feelings of happiness. Same goes for increased powers of concentration.
2) Wayne continues with a snapshot of transcendental meditation. He distinguishes it from hypnotism. Through concentration the subject draws energy up the spinal cord, resulting in acoustical waves that run through the cerebral ventricles, to the right hemisphere, where they stimulate the cerebral cortex, run along the homunculus and then to the body. The waves are the altered rhythm of heart sounds, which create sympathetic vibrations in the walls of the fluid-filled cavities of the brain’s ventricles. He observed that the symptoms begin in the left side of the body, confirming the right brain’s complicity. Bentov also states that the same effect might be achieved by prolonged exposure to 4 - 7 Hertz/second acoustical vibrations. He suggests standing by an air conditioning duct might also do the trick. (David’s Lynch and other celebrities are committed adherents to transcendental meditation today.)
3) Biofeedback, on the other hand, uses the left hemisphere to gain access to the right brain’s lower cerebral, motor, and sensory cortices. Whereas hypnosis suppresses one side of the brain, and TM bypasses that side altogether, biofeedback teaches the left hemisphere to visualize the desired result, recognize the feelings associated with right hemisphere access, and ultimately achieve the result again. With repetition, the left brain can reliably key into the right brain, and strengthen the pathways so that it can be accessed during a conscious demand mode. A digital thermometer is subsequently placed on a target part of the body. When its temperature increases, objective affirmation is recognized and the state is reinforced. Achieving biofeedback can block pain, enhance feeling, and even suppress tumors, according to the report.
The Gateway mechanics
With that, Wayne takes a first stab at the Gateway process. He classifies it as a “training system designed to bring enhanced strength, focus and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave output between the left and right hemispheres so as to alter consciousness.”
What distinguishes the Gateway process from hypnosis, TM, and biofeedback, is that it requires achieving a state of consciousness in which the electrical brain patterns of both hemispheres are equal in amplitude and frequency. This is called Hemi-Sync. Lamentably, and perhaps conveniently, we cannot as humans achieve this state on our own. The audio techniques developed by Bob Monroe and his Institute (which are comprised as a series of tapes). claim to induce and sustain Hemi-Sync.
Wayne employs the analogy of a lamp versus a laser. Left to its own devices the human mind expends energy like a lamp, in a chaotic and incoherent way, achieving lots of diffusion but relatively little depth. Under Hemi-Sync though, the mind produces a “disciplined stream of light.” So, once the frequency and amplitude of the brain are rendered coherent it can then synchronize with the rarified energy levels of the universe. With this connection intact, the brain begins to receive symbols and display astonishing flashes of holistic intuition.
The Hemi-Sync technique takes advantage of a Frequency Following Response (FFR). It works like this: an external frequency emulating a recognized one will cause the brain to mimic it. So if a subject hears a frequency at the Theta level, it will shift from its resting Beta level. To achieve these unnatural levels, Hemi-Sync puts a single frequency in the left ear and a contrasting frequency in the right. The brain then experiences the Delta frequency, also known as the beat frequency. It’s more familiarly referred to these days as binaural beats. With the FFR and beat frequency phenomena firmly in place, The Gateway Process introduces a series of frequencies at marginally audible, subliminal levels. With the left brain relaxed and the body in a virtual sleep state, the conditions are ideal to promote brainwave outputs of higher and higher amplitude and frequency. Alongside subliminal suggestions from Bob Monroe (naturally), the subject can then alter their consciousness.
The Gateway system only works when the audio, which is introduced through headphones, is accompanied by a physical quietude comparable to other forms of meditation. This increases the subject’s internal resonance to the body’s sound frequencies, for example the heart. This eliminates the “bifurcation echo”, in which the heartbeat moves up and down the body seven times a second. By placing the body in a sleep-like state, The Gateway CD’s, like meditation, lessen the force and frequency of the heartbeat pushing blood into the aorta. The result is a rhythmic sine wave that in turn amplifies the sound volume of the heart three times. This then amplifies the frequency of brainwave output. The film surrounding the brain—the dura—and fluid between that film and the skull, eventually begin to move up and down, by .0005 and .010 millimeters.
The body, based on its own micro-motions, then functions as a tuned vibrational system. The report claims that the entire body eventually transfers energy at between 6.8 and 7.5 Hertz, which matches Earth’s own energy (7 - 7.5 Hertz). The resulting wavelengths are long, about 40,000 kilometers, which also happens to be the perimeter of the planet. According to Bentov, the signal can move around the world’s electrostatic field in 1/7th of a second.
To recap, the Gateway Process goes like this:
• Induced state of calm
• Blood pressure lowers
• Circulatory system, skeleton and other organ systems begin to vibrate at 7 - 7.5 cycles per second
• Increased resonance is achieved
• The resulting sound waves matches the electrostatic field of the earth
• The body and earth and other similarly tuned minds become a single energy continuum.
We’ve gotten slightly ahead of ourselves here though. Back to the drawing board.
A psycho-quantum level deeper
Wayne then turns to the very nature of matter and energy. More materially (or less if you will), solid matter in the strict construction of the term, he explains, doesn’t exist. The atomic structure is composed of oscillating energy grids surrounded by other oscillating energy grids at tremendous speeds. These oscillation rates vary—the nucleus of an atom vibrates at 10 to the power of 22, a molecule vibrates at 10 to the power of 9, a human cell vibrates at 10 to the power of 3. The point is that the entire universe is one complex system of energy fields. States of matter in this conception then are merely variations in the state of energy.
The result of all these moving energies, bouncing off of energy at rest, projects a 3D mode, a pattern, called a hologram, A.K.A our reality as we experience it. It's best to think of it as a 3D photograph. There’s a whole rabbit hole to go down here. Suffice it to say, the hologram that is our experience is incredibly good at depicting and recording all the various energies bouncing around creating matter. So good, in fact, that we buy into it hook, line, and sinker, going so far as to call it our "life."
Consciousness then can be envisaged as a 3D grid system superimposed over all energy patterns, Wayne writes. Using mathematics, each plane of the grid system can then reduce the data to a 2D form. Our binary (go/no go) minds can then process the data and compare it to other historical data saved in our memory. Our reality is then formed by comparisons. The right hemisphere of the brain acts as the primary matrix or receptor for this holographic input. The left hemisphere then compares it to other data, reducing it to its 2D form.
In keeping with our species' commitment to exceptionalism, as far as we know humans are uniquely capable of achieving this level of consciousness. Simply, humans not only know, but we know that we know. This bestows upon us the ability to duplicate aspects of our own hologram, project them out, perceive that projection, run it through a comparison with our own memory of the hologram, measure the differences using 3D geometry, then run it through our binary system to yield verbal cognition of the self.
The click-out phase
Wayne then shows his cards as a true punisher, issuing, "Up to this point our discussion of the Gateway process has been relatively simple and easy to follow. Now the fun begins." Shots fired, Wayne. What he's preparing the commander reading this heady report for is the reveal—how we can use the Gateway to transcend the dimension of spacetime.
Time is a measurement of energy or force in motion; it is a measurement of change. This is really important. For energy to be classified as in motion, it must be confined within a vibratory pattern that can contain its motion, keeping it still. Energy not contained like this is boundary-less, and moves without limit or dimension, to infinity. This disqualifies boundary-less energy from the dimension of time because it has no rate of change. Energy in infinity, also called "the absolute state," is completely at rest because nothing is accelerating or decelerating it—again, no change. It therefore does not contribute to our hologram, our physical experience. We cannot perceive it.
Now back to frequencies. Wave oscillation occurs because a wave is bouncing between two rigid points of rest. It's like a game of electromagnetic hot potato (the potato being the wave and the participants' hands being the boundaries of the wave). Without these limits, there would be no oscillation. When a wave hits one of those points of rest, just for a very brief instant, it "clicks out" of spacetime and joins infinity. For this to occur, the speed of the oscillation has to drop below 10 the power of -33 centimeters per second. For a moment, the wave enters into a new world. The potato simply disappears into a dimension we cannot perceive.
Theoretically speaking, if the human consciousness wave pattern reaches a high enough frequency, the “click-outs” can reach continuity. Put another way, if the frequency of human consciousness can dip below 10 to the power of 33 centimeters per second but above a state of total rest, it can transcend spacetime. The Gateway experience and associated Hemi-Sync technique is designed for humans to achieve this state and establish a coherent pattern of perception in the newly realized dimensions.
Passport to the hologram
In theory, we can achieve the above at any time. The entire process though is helped along if we can separate the consciousness from our body. It’s like an existential running head start where the click-out of a consciousness already separated from its body starts much closer to, and has more time to dialogue with, other dimensions.
This is where things get a little slippery; hold on as best you can. The universe is in on the whole hologram thing, too, Wayne writes. This super hologram is called a "torus" because it takes the shape of a fuck-off massive self-contained spiral. Like this:
Give yourself a moment to let the above motion sink in...
This pattern of the universe conspicuously mirrors the patterns of electrons around the nucleus of an atom. Galaxies north of our own are moving away from us faster than the galaxies to the south; galaxies to the east and west of us are more distant. The energy that produced the matter that makes up the universe we presently enjoy, will turn back in on itself eventually. Its trajectory is ovoid, also known as the cosmic egg. As it curls back on itself it enters a black hole, goes through a densely packed energy nucleus then gets spat out the other side of a white hole and begins the process again. Springtime in the cosmos, baby!
And that is the context in which the Gateway Experience sits.
[Deep breaths.]
THE TECHNIQUE
The following is an outline of the key steps to reach focus levels necessary to defy the spacetime dimension. This is an involved and lengthy process best attempted in controlled settings. If you’re in a rush, you can apparently listen to enough Monroe Institute Gateway Tapes in 7 days to get there.
The Energy Conversion Box: The Gateway Process begins by teaching the subject to isolate any extraneous concerns using a visualization process called “the energy conversion box.”
Resonant Humming: The individual is introduced to resonant humming. Through the utterance of a protracted single tone, alongside a chorus on the tapes, the mind and body achieve a state of resonance.
The Gateway Affirmation: The participant is exposed to something close to a mantra called The Gateway Affirmation. They must repeat to themselves variations of, “I am merely a physical body and deeply desire to expand my consciousness.”
Hemi-Sync: The individual is finally exposed to the Hemi-Sync sound frequencies, and encouraged to develop a relationship with the feelings that emerge.
Additional Noise: Physical relaxation techniques are practiced while the Hemi-Sync frequencies are expanded to include “pink and white” noise. This puts the body in a state of virtual sleep, while calming the left hemisphere and raising the attentiveness of the right hemisphere.
The Energy Balloon: The individual is then encouraged to visualize the creation of an “energy balloon” beginning at the top of the head, extending down in all directions to the feet then back up again. There are a few reasons for this, the main one being that this balloon will provide protection against conscious entities possessing lower energy levels that he or she may encounter when in the out-of-body state.
Focus 12: The practitioner can consistently achieve sufficient expanded awareness to begin interacting with dimensions beyond their physical reality. To achieve this state requires conscious efforts and more “pink and white noise” from the sound stream.
Tools: Once Focus 12 is achieved, the subject can then employ a series of tools to obtain feedback from alternate dimensions.
Problem Solving: The individual identifies fundamental problems, fills their expanded awareness with them, and then projects them out into the universe. These can include personal difficulties, as well as technical or practical problems.
Patterning: Consciousness is used to achieve desired objectives in the physical, emotional, or intellectual sphere.
Color Breathing: A healing technique that revitalizes the body’s energy flows by imagining colors in a particularly vivid manner.
Energy Bar Tool: This technique involves imagining a small intensely pulsating dot of light that the participant charges up. He or she then uses the sparkling, vibrating cylinder of energy (formerly known as the dot) to channel forces from the universe to heal and revitalize the body.
Remote Viewing: A follow-on technique of the Energy Bar Tool where the dot is turned into a whirling vortex through which the individual sends their imagination in search of illuminating insights.
Living Body Map: A more organized use of the energy bar in which streams of different colors flow from the dot on to correspondingly-colored bodily systems.
Seven days of training have now occurred. Approximately 5 percent of participants get to this next level, according to the report.
Focus 15 - Travel Into the Past: Additional sound on the Hemi-Sync tapes includes more of the same, plus some subliminal suggestions to further expand the consciousness. The instructions are highly symbolic: time is a huge wheel, in which different spokes give access to the participant’s past.
Focus 21 - The Future: This is the last and most advanced state. Like Focus 15, this is a movement out of spacetime into the future.
Out-of-Body Movement: Only one tape of the many is devoted to out-of-body movement. This tape is devoted to facilitating an out-of-body state when the participant’s brain wave patterns and energy levels reach harmony with the surrounding electromagnetic environment. According to Bob Monroe, the participant has to be exposed to Beta signals of around 2877.3 cycles per second.
CONCLUSIONS
Wayne expresses concern about the fidelity of information brought back from out-of-body states using the Gateway technique. Practical applications are of particular concern because of the potential for “information distortion.”
The Monroe Institute also ran into a bunch of issues in which they had individuals travel from the West to the East Coast of the U.S. to read a series of numbers off of a computer screen. They never got them exactly right. Wayne chalks this up to the trouble of differentiating between physical entities and extra-time-space dimensions when in the out-of-body state.
Wayne swings back to support mode though, lending credence to the physics foundation of the report. He cites multiple belief systems that have established identical findings. These include the Tibetan Shoug, the Hindu heaven of Indra, the Hebrew mystical philosophy, and the Christian concept of the Trinity. Here he seems more interested in hammering home the theoretical underpinnings that make The Gateway Experience possible, rather than the practical possibilities promised by The Gateway Tapes.
Possibly with his CIA top brass audience in mind, Wayne then gives an A-type nod to The Gateway Experience for providing a faster, more efficient, less subservient, energy-saving route to expanded consciousness. This finishes with a series of recommendations to the CIA for how to exploit Gateway’s potential for national defense purposes.
The missing page
One curious feature of The Gateway Report is that it seems to be missing page 25. It’s a real cliffhanger too. The bottom of page 24 reads “And, the eternal thought or concept of self which results from this self-consciousness serves the,” The report picks back up on page 26 and 3 sections later as if Wayne hadn’t just revealed the very secret of existence.
The gap has not gone unnoticed. There's a Change.org petition requesting its release. Multiple Freedom of Information Act requests have demanded the same. In all cases, the CIA has said they never had the page to begin with. Here’s a 2019 response from Mark Lilly, the CIA’s Information and Privacy Coordinator, to one Bailey Stoner regarding these records:
One theory goes that that rascal Wayne M.-fricking-McDonnell left the page out on purpose. The theory contends that it was a litmus test—if anyone truly defies time-space dimensions, they’ll certainly be able to locate page 25.
[Cosmic shrug.]
Writing Credit Vice
​
CIA Declassified Report– The Gateway Experience
Here is a copy of the Missing Page 25
There will be a Gateway Help Post following within the next couple days. Thought you might be interested in a little history in the meantime. Cheers!

i’m making a 1v5 team deathmatch mode where the 5 teammates have classes (power, speed, etc.) and i would like to be able to make text for each hero that displays which class they are. are there any workshop codes for that?
for example, lucio is a speed type, so i would like to have this text display;
class: speed +25% movement speed

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TW: Mentions of domestic abuse, brief mention of eating disorders
(TL;D My sister has been selfish and narcissistic for as long as I can remember. Now that I'm moving back to our home town as an adult, I want to create a stress free, peaceful environment for myself in my new apartment. To me, that means that I don't want her coming over and I don't want to be around her more than I have to be. I've also been actively dodging her calls for the last month and will probably continue doing so when I get home. My mom thinks I'm being an AH and that I need to give my sis another chance. I think my sister has used more than enough chances in the time that I've been alive. AITAH?)
I (22F) do not really like my sister, Maggie (37F; fake name). Listen, I do love her, and I would never wish anything bad on her - but man, about 98% of the time, I can't fucking stand her.
Maggie's been through a lot: she's bipolar, done prison time, been through multiple physically and emotionally abusive relationships that have put her in the hospital, lives off disability, and is raising two children (10F & 2M). A good chunk of her problems are things that she will never be able to control, and I don't blame her for those. What I do blame her for is the fact that she continues making fucking awful decisions at the expense of her family (especially my niece and nephew), and then she blames everyone and every circumstance except for herself. She can also be mean and vindictive, and if you try to make her face consequences for her actions, she will gaslight the hell out of you, pull the pity card, and/or threaten you until you leave it alone.
I could go on and on about the shit she's done to my loved ones, but I'm going to try to keep this down to just what she's done to me. Here are some more recent examples of why I don't want to be around her:

• When I was in college her untrained, constantly off-leash, agressive dog scratched up the side of my car, and when I brought up that I thought it was fair that she help me fix it, she started calling me a spoiled golden child (for reference, I have worked since I was 14 and have been fortunate enough to pay for my first car, for my time in college, and for my housing since I moved out) and saying that I can deal with a little cosmetic damage. When I kept pressing that it wasn't okay for her get away with this, she threatened to throw my cat out on the street (he was staying with her until I could move him into my dorm room, but I paid for all of his expenses). I told her I would come get him then since I clearly couldn't trust her with him. She screamed at me then threatened to tell our mom that I had started smoking (like I'm not a full grown adult).
• She blatantly disrespected my wishes concerning my cat when he was staying with her (letting him outside AND leaving him out there for days, tipping his ear, feeding the special food I bought for him to her cats and having him eat the generic food she buys when her cats ate all of his food, etc.)
• She used to use me as way to get her ex-bf to stop being hostile, instead of calling the cops (because "he doesn't mean to hurt anyone"), because seeing me cry made him stop yelling at her one time. She would trick me into coming over by saying that she needed some help with my niece or that my cat needed me, when in reality SHE WAS INVITING ME INTO AN ACTIVELY TRAUMITIZING DV SITUATION INSTEAD OF GETTING HELP. This happened three times successfully for her, before the fourth (and last time that I fell for it), her ex ignored me pleading with him to stop and ended up shoving me down and out of the way to get to her.
• For the last year while I've been living out of town, she has only ever called or texted to indirectly ask for money, to ask for me to do something for her, or to complain about her life. I wouldn't mind her venting if she even remotely pretended that she wanted to know how I was doing too lol. For instance, when I was in a facility for a few week because of my ED, she CALLED PURELY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT A BURDEN HER CHILDREN ARE. No, "hey sis, how are you? Are you okay? I love you!"; just yelling and crying about how our mom won't let her leave the kids at her house for the 5 night in a row.

I know these things probably sound so trivial, but I'm just SO SICK of even the little things. This crap has been happening for as long as I can remember. At this point, seeing her name come up on my phone, makes me physically exhausted and stressed, and she never fails to make me depressed when I hear from her. I'm 22; all I want is to finish college and build a stress free life as an adult. So for the last month, I've been dodging her calls and texts, and when I move back to our hometown this coming week, I am going to do whatever I can to keep her away from my new apartment (I want it to be my sanctuary), even if it means not having any family there at all. I told my mom about my plan for my apartment and she thinks I'm being way too harsh and unforgiving and that it's rude for me to do that to my sister. She wants me to start fresh with Maggie and give her another chance. I don't think I need to do that! Why should I let someone into my life on a clean slate, if I know that they are going to immediately abuse my kindness? Am I the AH? Do you think there's any way for me to navigate a relationship with my sister without allowing her disturb my peace?
Really need some advice that isn't from family. I'm open to being wrong, but please be nice to me. Thank you in advance!

For context, I and my GF have been dating since January. However, I confessed my feelings to her in December. My GF recently told me that she only liked me back because she was scared that I was going to KMS if she said no (I was not). In addition, she explicitly told me that she couldn't guarantee commitment to me, as she was afraid she'd find someone better (her words) (she also did decide to commit to me!). The 3 months that we've been dating have been relatively fruitful, with both of us confessing deep feelings for each other. However, I find it difficult to trust her declarations of love as they tend to be highly extravagant and out of character for her. In addition, I feel as though there has been a continuous lack of effort from her front. For instance, we went on our first meal out 3 months into the relationship, despite me asking her every week to go. She often gave the excuse that she was too tired to leave the house, despite going out with her friends daily. Also, she seems to generally not care about my interests. For example, I love films, but she hates them. I spent ages trying to find a film I was sure that she'd like, however would not watch it with me when I asked. It seems as though she doesn't care enough to sacrifice her time. I read her favourite book to get to know her better, however, she said she would never read my favourite book. Something which also annoyed me was that I recently did some shopping for her as she had the flu - I bought her a week's groceries. When asked I told her that I did it because I knew she'd do the same for me. She straight-up responded that she wouldn't, which made me kinda upset. I do communicate my issues with her, however, she just becomes more intimate for like a couple of days then returns and excessively says 'I love you!'. When I asked her, she said she was a firm believer in the indication of love being about declarative trust, rather than actions. I don't know what to do! I am aware the above paragraph highlights all my issues with her in the relationship, but I genuinely do love her. She makes me smile every day and Is the only person in the world I can tell everything to. We also have a lot of fun together with a lot of chemistry. I just feel drained all the time. I'm aware that love is not transactional, but I do wish she'd change. I just want to feel love, not just told that I am. What should I do to enable her to do this effectively, as I don't want her change to again be artificial? Sorry for waffling so much, I'd appreciate any advice!

• She has been showing me more love recently, however, I constantly feel embarrassed that I put up with her behaviour at the start.

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Hello everyone, first want to express my gratitude to this forum which was such a beacon of hope and information during a turbulent few months of my pregnancy. Thank you to anyone who shared their experiences with high NT measurements and CVS! I want to share my experience as well to give another example of a happy ending after an abnormal NT result.
TL;DR NT of 4.0mm, after tons of testing (and sleepless nights) we got the all clear, baby boy was born healthy and perfect in mid April. He’s taking a nap next to me right now 🥰
For context, I’m a 30yo living in the US, first pregnancy, healthy overall and got pregnant naturally. I was hoping to have a home birth and as low-intervention prenatal care as possible (ha!)
August 13 - got a positive on a home pregnancy test. We were sooo happy and excited!
September 6 - first appointment with my midwife, saw baby’s heartbeat via ultrasound. After this, we started to tell close friends/family we were expecting.
September 29 - blood draw for cell-free DNA test
October 5 - received negative/low risk result on the cell-free DNA. Fetal fraction was 13% and the baby is a boy!
October 9 - appointment for my 12 week ultrasound. Baby was moving around a lot and the tech had a lot of trouble getting measurements. But eventually she got what she needed. I was sent home and while in the car driving home, I got a call from my midwife’s office. Baby’s NT measurement was 4.0mm and I was referred to MFM and genetic counseling. This was a huge shock. I pretty much cried the whole way home because I could only envision poor outcomes.
October 12 - first appointment with the genetic counselor. The three days between the ultrasound and this appointment felt like forever. The GC said with the NT of 4.0mm there was a 1 in 3 risk that the baby had a chromosomal or structural defect. The probabilities I was given were if something was wrong, 70% of the time it’s chromosomal/genetic, 20% of the time it’s heart issues, and 10% of the time it’s miscarriage/stillbirth. I never really registered that 1 in 3 means that there’s a 2 in 3 chance that everything is fine! Anyway, I was booked for a CVS to investigate the genetic piece further. My husband and I also did carrier testing per the recommendation of the GC. I was also advised to have an early anatomy ultrasound at 16 weeks and a fetal echo and 20 weeks.
This is when the looooong limbo period began. I didn’t want to think about my pregnancy at all because I was pretty convinced I wouldn’t end up having the baby. I took the ultrasound photos down off the fridge and put all the baby stuff we had bought in a box. I also stopped telling people our pregnancy news - I wasn’t going to get anyone else’s hopes up until we had certainty that the baby was healthy. I too a few days off work to cry. It was rough.
October 16 - CVS, transabdominal since my placenta was anterior. It was not fun but also not horrible. If I had to do it for a future pregnancy, I would do it again. I have a serious fear of needles so the GC recommended I bring headphones and listen to music during the procedure. That was awesome advice and I just turned the volume up and tuned out (and squeezed my husband’s hand) while the OB did her thing.
October 18 - got a call from the GC, normal karyotype 👍 this was not a huge surprise since I got the low-risk cfDNA result. But still reassuring.
October 24 - got carrier testing results back, we aren’t carriers for anything
November 7 - Early anatomy scan at 16 weeks. Everything looked normal! “Specifically, there were no cardiac defects or other anomalies associated with an increased NT. The nuchal fold was normal at 3.0 mm.” Unsure how the nuchal fold (which is not exactly the same thing as NT) was 3.0mm 🤷‍♀️ seems like it had shrunk? We never got a good answer on this.
November 22 - “Normal constitutional chromosomal SNP microarray results from chorionic villi” - this result came back about 5 weeks after the CVS. The waiting was pretty terrible to be honest.
November 28 - Fetal echo and 20-week anatomy scan. This appointment was at the children’s hospital with the OB from MFM plus a pediatric cardiologist. Baby’s heart looked perfect on the echo. Anatomy scan looked totally normal as well. Still waiting on the Noonan panel results but I felt like after this appointment (and nearly 3 months after the initial high NT results) I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
December 5 - negative for Noonan 🎉
It seems the increased NT was just a random anomaly and I was released from MFM and continued my prenatal care with my midwife. Baby boy was born at 38+6, happy and healthy! He is the cutest thing ever and somehow made the chaotic 2nd trimester worth it.
Happy to answer any questions about my experience. If you find yourself in this position, I’m sending you a big hug and positive vibes ❤️

Hello,
I've never posted about this kind of stuff, but I've never experienced such a persistent nagging pain
My ex and I had a very turbulent 7 year relationship, I initially met her months after healing from another long term relationship, about 25 years, and that ended amicably, and to this day I see her as a friend.
The beginning of our relationship was amazing, it was very sexually charged, she was into everything and anything I did, she was sweet, comforting, a great listener, the times we had were almost euphoric. Even during this phase of the relationship, I acknowledged to myself that I have to take things slow as things are moving so fast.
About a month and a half into "dating" she got pregnant, and I told her I will be there for you, and I'll never run away from being a Father, ever! Immediately everything changed, and of course I understand why and empathize with how she may have felt suddenly being pregnant, and I genuinely cared and made myself available at all times. We only lived a building apart, we were basically doors down from each other.
Immediately she wanted to get a place together, I let her know that she could stay with me anytime, give it a trial run, but we still need to get know each other, as I just got over a 25 year relationship. She started staying with me on and off and I began seeing a complete different side of her, she would storm out of my place and take issue with little things like clothes on the floor, or an unmade bed, I mean over the top anger.
Still throughout this period I began falling in love with her, and falling in love with my unborn child. During this period I started discovering a pattern of lies, some just white lies, some extremely severe, lies that had the potential to affect any sort of positive outcome as they entailed criminal behavior. When confronted with the worst ones I was assured she would stop.
Skip ahead to the birth, I was with her, we were both content, a happy beautiful healthy daughter came from the womb. I was in love, both with my child, as well as the Mother. We were inseparable for awhile, then she became extremely controlling, even vicious at times. My time with my daughter was often relegated to when the Mother was asleep, I would let her sleep when my daughter woke up in the night and bond with her then.
One day she got extremely upset with me as I wanted to bring my daughter and her to a family event, she had an issue with a family member of mine, this turned into a CRAZY argument, that ended up with me being denied seeing my child for over 12 days. I ended up going to the courthouse to file papers that would give me the legal right to see my daughter, regardless of the status of my relationship with the Mother.
I never served those papers, as my daughter had gotten sick, and we both met at her pediatrician appointment, everything melted away and we were together again, she became loving again, we shared bringing up our child, but I began to lose touch with all my family, including my friends, anything I would do or plan to do would cause an insane amount of friction.
Through this time we did our best to be close, but the lies never stopped, and I completely began to lose my sense of self. There were times when my daughter would be completely weaponized, used as a pawn to control me, I slowly began isolating myself from just about anyone but my daughter and the Mother. We would have an argument, could be anything, big or small, and instantly I'd be disregarded, no communication, no texts, no calls, no responses. Then we would get together and she would show me love and kindness, and I'd be hooked again. This on and off pattern lasted a good 6 years. I still struggle thinking about how dark some of those days were, and I've never strayed or abandoned my daughter. She's the light of my life, just has 2 parents that can't seem to live peacefully together.
Forward to now, just a few months ago we talked and decided it would be best to part and focus on co-parenting. The 1st month was great, we were cordial to each other during pick ups and drop offs, but we stopped both putting our child to bed together. If she had her I used to always go over and put her to bed, read books, bathe, etc and she would for the most part so the same when I have my daughter. We stopped that, as when my daughter did fall asleep that's when we would connect, quite often it was just sexual, looking back it was like giving a dog a bone, it was void of true intimacy, it was just enough to keep things balanced in an odd way, it became the only affection I came to know.
This entire time, regardless of our status, whenever we were with other people she was a gem, she always would bring gifts even if not necessary, always be extremely affectionate towards me, basically playing a part.
Here's an example, I got sick one evening, some sort of food poisoning, it got bad enough where I had to go to the hospital and be treated in a bed from early morning until evening. This happened to fall on a night we had planned a "date" night. She came to the hospital to pick me up, my parents were there and she was as sweet as you could imagine, as soon as I got discharged and we were driving home, now just the two of us, she flipped on me for ruining our date. She bought tickets to a show, and she was recklessly pissed off and as mean as one could imagine, and I was still sick, she ended up storming out of my place.
These kinds of situations became normal, and a nonstop cycle of on again/off again partners became the norm.
I'm getting long winded now, but I'll come back to the present. After about a month of just co-parenting and coming to terms with ending any sort of romantic relationship, and being cordial to one another, she started reminiscing about our past, sharing pictures of happy times with my daughter and us together, pictures of just her and I, messages of love, how she misses me, will always love me, all these things, and I opened the door again. This was days before she was leaving for a "yoga retreat" and I would have my daughter. Needless to say, those 4 days there was no more communication, not even with my daughter. The 1st communication on a Sunday morning was about being together again, and sentiments of love.
This has since happened 2 more times, always surrounded by secrecy, even if it directly affects my daughter, which unfortunately it has. Come to find out she was never away, "out of town" she was just down the road at an Airbnb with some guy that fly's in from out of state, she told me all this and actually said how much I would like him, and that this guy would love to meet me, and at the same time maintaining how much she still loves me. Just whacky, not even months after ending any romantic partnership.
This coming week my daughter and her are taking their first "vacation" without me involved. I was completely fine with this, expressing how I first had some mixed feelings, because my daughter has never really traveled without me and her Mother together. Then I came to terms with it and even started suggesting places to show her, a beach to check out, dolphins in these waters, manatees here etc. The guy she's been seeing at random airbnbs lives in the state they are flying too.
It's just thrown me for such a loop. I haven't truly trusted her for a while for good reasons, lots of lies, and complete disregard for any prior planned commitments, but this just feels out of the park, and has me feeling like an emotional train wrecked weakling. Yesterday I responded to an email saying "I just need to process some of this stuff and not communicate unless it has to do with our daughter", the response was crazy, completely shitting on me as a person on how much I've wronged her and how I never cared for her and all this stuff. My reply was you are right, I'm sorry, I've been having trouble letting go, but I'm now ready too, let's focus on being the best we can be for our daughter.
Instant reply of what a great father I am, how I've always been there, how much my daughter loves me and counts down the days to when I have her. How sorry she is that she treated me poorly, etc. It's all just nuts, and I can't simply not communicate, and I'm so confused as to why I'm feeling so hurt by all this stuff while I recognize the healthiest thing I can do for myself is truly let go. I have so many mixed emotions I can't even think about dating, or even chilling with someone new. I'm all over the place, mainly sad, it's so confusing. So many mixed signals, and I think my esteem has been shattered for awhile now.
Only with my daughter do I feel myself, she brings the best out in me, she always has, she's like sunshine on a rainy day, she's the best!
Apologies for such a long winded post, may not even make clear sense, just let my "swipe" keyboard go nuts for a bit
Hope you are all well!

Also give me some examples of programs where I can easily edit words onto the images. Chat got is great but the text doesn’t always come out as I ask in my prompts. Sigh

Something I've noticed become common since the beginning of this season is people that act nice in text chat, but then behave very toxic in game.
An example is a match I just had. Enemy team had Pharahmercy. At the start of the match the Pharah typed "glhf!", and seemed nice. A bit into the match and they're wrecking us. Later I swapped to Ana because nobody was dealing with the duo. My entire team died at one point so I just stood there and used the "Goodbye" voiceline because I was doomed, and Pharah landed infront of me to blast me away. Pharah then typed "oops sorry! >-< i just saw you stopped moving!" I'm like okay, I guess they're not that bad a person. Then later after they got ult they proceeded to solo ult me. Just full on solo ulted me and nobody else as I was in the back behind a corner. Could have easily killed me with left click as I was a little low, but no they just solo ulted, and then tbagged after. I type in chat "nice solo ult and tbag" and they lie and say "i didn't ult you i ulted the orisa", and tried to turn it around that I'm toxic and lying to make them look bad with "i'm just playing the game! i don't know why you're accusing me of these awful things ;-;". This works, because everyone thought they were so nice because of the way they acted in match chat, and at the end of the match several people get mad at me, including players on my own team, thinking I'm a filthy liar and super toxic to this nice, friendly Pharah. I can only assume I received a lot of reports.
This is only the most recent experience I've had with this, but it's become common this season, and I'm wondering if there's some community where people are using this as some loophole to avoid reports and still be able to act toxic so they can get away with it. It used to be that when someone typed "glhf!" or seemed nice in chat, they were actually nice and friendly. You'd never see these people turn around and tbag, spray your body, solo ult you or be toxic in any way, shape or form.
This is no longer the case. Now usually when I see someone type "glhf!" at the start of the match or act friendly in match chat, they will later on be toxic, tbagging, solo ulting, using "is this ez mode?" when they kill you, spamming "goodbye" when they kill you, going past everyone else just to target one person just to try and make them mad, any thing you can imagine that's toxic without using the text chat. And if you call them out on it, they'll be all nice in text chat with "aww i'm sorry you feel that way!" or "i'm just having fun same as you! <3" or "no i didn't do that, but you are welcome to your opinion! ^_^", lie and claim they never did what you accused them of, and people always side with them and think whoever accused them is the super toxic one because they're just SO nice.
Has anyone else noticed this? I swear I never saw this happen a few seasons ago, or at any point in OW1, but it's becoming common now.
Note: This is not a discussion on what is or isn't toxic. If you only reply just to be like "umm spamming voicelines on kill isn't toxic you're just a snowflake" I will ignore you.

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I'm a native speaker but don't know if I've been saying it correctly this whole time. I see it as text in games, like the "Bottle o' Enchanting" in Minecraft for example.
I've been saying it like "oh", but I never thought that was something people would use instead of just saying "of". I've always thought it was an old shopkeeper or pirate thing to say.
Does anyone know how to pronounce it, where it originates from, and if people actually talk like that when speaking English?

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