This is a deadly campaign, which means that there is always the possibility of a tok or death.
My D&D experience: 1 year
My DM experience: A few one-shots and disbanded Homebrewed Lost Mines of Phandelver. I have been DMing this campaign since July.
I will do my best to make the world as immersive as possible, but I am not Matt or Brendan. If you would like to join, please read the information below and then DM on Discord. I will know if you have read all the information based on what you sent to me.

Time

​

Korea Standard Time	Fri at 0930 -1200 KST
British Summer Time	BST Fri at 0030 - 0300
Pacific Time	Thu at 1630 - 1900 PST
Mountain Time	Thu at 1730 - 2000 MST
Central Time	Thu at 1830 - 2100 CST
Eastern Time	Thu at 1930 - 2200 EST

​

Campaign Elevator Pitch

"Prepare for a wild ride in 'The Ballad,' where being a prisoner is just the beginning. Valeria's got a proposition that's too good to refuse – or maybe too dangerous to decline. Join our morally ambiguous group of misfits, where every decision is a game-changer and trust is a rare commodity. It's not your typical redemption story – more like a redemption with a side of snark and a dash of shadowy secrets. Will you rise to the occasion, or let the shadows swallow you whole? Get ready for a rollercoaster of secrets, sarcasm, and a chance at redemption that might just cost you everything. Welcome to a world where even the shadows have an attitude."

Truths of this Campaign

What are the most important things you want your players to understand about the world and the campaign?

• I have only had to add new players twice in the 11 months I've been running this campaign. This will be the third. Core group has been together for a majority of the campaign.
  
• A high-fantasy, high-magic inspired by “suicide squad” campaign. The party is currently at 8 players, but after almost a year (11 months) one of my players must take a break from thr game. You will start at level 8, the party started at level 3. We are at session 31. The campaign is planned to go all to 20 and will be broken up into smaller arcs that allow for natural breaks after each arc. In this way, no one gets burned out, and players can leave and be added naturally.
  
• You will have two feats. There are homebrew rules/mechanics in the game including a homebrewed specialized job system tied to skills, a death save system, a resting system, a gorilla race with 3 subraces, a lizardfolk subrace, and a [WIP] crafting system. A lot of the systems are created to allow for more agency during games as well as allow for smoother downtime activities. My current players seem to enjoy it.
  
• Any published non-UA material is allowed for character creation. UA material must be discussed beforehand. Unfortunately, I will not accept homebrew races or classes as I believe that would be unfair to the current players.
  
• This campaign currently is in the continent of Ka’an (pronounced: Ka-ahn). Which is 1 of 7 major continents of Eruliafa (pronounced: Eh-ul-e-afa).
  
• The current party makeup: A Cavalier Fighter, A Divine Sorcerer, A Stars Druid/Arcana Cleric, A Sandstrider [HB Race] Beastmaster Ranger.
  
• I give out a lot of magic items and have given put feats for rewards/plot reasons, so characters are stronger in this campaign than a normal one. Encounters have been tuned to take this into account. Currently players can deal with encounters that are on average +1.5 higher than normal. They have come close to a tpk three times.
  
• All the players have been convicted of some type of crime, but it does not make them evil, nor does the crime have to be of an evil nature. If you have read this far there will be a list at this link:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hLK2pNMIHkrCxG03O5beQnb55WrVhQaWiN7WH1hOGQE/edit#bookmark=id.z7t99cxkp71eYou should read it and choose the best fit for the type of player you are and DM Kojaq on Discord with it.
  
• The current party is trying to uncover the death of a diplomat in the capital city of Zinara. They just escaped imprisonment by a creature of the Farscape Demiplane masquerading as a local casino owner. They have found a journal that has clued them into something called "Project HD," whose purpose was to turn a souless simulacrum body into a flesh and blood for the purpose of being a host.
  
• If you want to skim through the various documents I have created for my homebrew, you can check the links below:
  
  • https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/PPipJqomn5-O → The Rules of the Table (includes homebrew races/subraces, mechanics, and rules)
  • https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/jIwUxmtY-htK → A work-in-progress homebrewed crafting system.
• I will have voice interviews to see if people are a good fit. If accepted we will have a 1-on-1 collaborative session for character creation.
  

​

Hello, I'm a college student diagnosed with fibromyalgia since my teens. I'm wondering, is pressing(massaging) sore painful muscles helpful and soothing, or does it worsen your pain? When I feel pain in my whole body parts muscles , I usually use a pressure massage machine and deep tissue massage bands to relieve muscle tension before I go to school and keep it for like 20-30 mins then it gets better so I can go to school. I'm curious if you experience the same symptoms!

“Well…..frak.”
Those were the only words Corporal James Diogenes could think of to describe his current situation. Behind him, he watched as his comrades turning tail and running away.
“Cowards. Cowards one and all.”
He spit into the dirt towards his former allies then turned towards the other part of his problem.
Xenos. A large army of Xenos, one that was far more disciplined and had far more bodies than command had assumed. He couldn’t remember what they were called or even remember the name of the planet he was on. He couldn’t care for either topic. He wasn’t surprised that the Intel he and his colleagues had been fed was wrong, it often was, but never to this degree. The enemy outnumbered the imperial army forces at least 7 to 1 if not far more. Their tactics were similar to those employed by the imperial army but their population meant they could do more tactical maneuvers, on more fronts, at the same time.
Why the imperial navy didn’t annihilate those armies from orbit, James would never understand. Given his current situation he most likely wouldn’t get a chance to ask. He checked the magazine on his auto-gun, the rifle being rather old by the standards of the current imperial army but its age held up as it punched through most body armor he came across.
“…..Frak.”
He cursed again as he inspected the magazine. Three, maybe four rounds left before he was out? He looked over his shoulder and sighed. The cowards took the ammo with them along with any other supplies they could carry, leaving an empty trench and a few rows of rusty flay-wire.
And James but he chose to stay behind.
A low chuckle escaped him as that thought came to mind. He shook his head as he took his spot in the trench. He wouldn’t win this fight, he was sure of it, but by Terra and in the Emperor’s name he would make them bleed. He would make them hurt.
The few rounds he had in his magazine were gone in no times at all. Four enemies laying in the dust and being trampled by their friends was proof of that. He smiled grimly as he watched his enemies march towards him. They had all bowed their heads slightly, seemingly expecting more shots. That got him laughing. A few bullets and a whole army was shaking before him. He wondered if this is what the primarchs, the emperors daughters, felt like whenever they were on crusade.
He tossed his empty rifle to the side. His smile grew as he held his knife, gripping it tightly as he watched the advancing line of xeno scum. The leather of his glove strained as his hidden knuckles grew white from how tightly he gripped his knife. He considered for a moment what he’d do when the enemy came into the trench. He knew he would fight and die, but he wondered how many of them he’d kill before they took him down.
He reached back behind him, grabbing the Krak grenade he had attached to his belt. He held it tightly and used the middle finger of his knife hand to pull the pin. He held close, holding the striker lever down to ensure it wouldn’t go off until he let go of it. Then he waited.
The world closed in. Darkness tinted the edge of his vision as he watched his enemy march ever closer. Nothing existed save for him and the enemy. He knew what this was. Adrenaline, anticipation, and fear all coming together to activate his fight-or-flight response. He whole body felt charged and he had to stop himself from jumping out of the trench and running…..where? He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t guarantee his body wouldn’t turn tail and follow the rest of the imperial army back to the transports.
He adjusted his cap, scratched his bearded cheek and continued to watch. Watch and wait. That was all he could do now. His breathing grew heavy and erratic, his teeth barred, and a low growl escaped him.
The marching stopped.
He stared and waited.
A ploy? A chance to surrender maybe? Were they simply calling in artillery on his position?
That last thought stopped him. Artillery. Would they call artillery or an orbital strike or some other long distance attack on his position?
No. No, no, no, no they wouldn’t escape him that easy.
He scowled and climbed out of the trench, charging the Xenos line with a roar. The knife was raised over his head, holding it in an upside down fashion, as he sprinted towards his enemy. He refused to die to some cowardly artillery strike, he absolutely refused to be turned into a red smear on some backwater planet that no one would ever remember or care about.
The enemy….ran. They ran! He laughed as he chased after them. It didn’t make sense and he didn’t care. He couldn’t care, he was beyond caring.
“Get back here you throne damned bastards! GET THE FRAK BACK HERE!”
He slowed down long enough to toss the Krak grenade, laughing loudly when he saw it go off and take a handful of Xenos down.
The blood….was blood always so beautiful?
He continued running after the enemy before he stopped again. He stopped running cause something had stopped him. He didn’t understand, his legs were still under him, he was still alive, he could still fight!
“Kraking, bastard, filthy xenos, kill you all-“
“Shut up.”
He stopped talking, the voice snapping him out of…..whatever that was. He regained control and realized why he stopped running. Something had picked him up. He stared down at the ground only to realize how high he was above it.
“Hnngh, let go of me.”
He turned towards whatever was holding him only for his eyes to grow wide.
There stood….a woman. A very big woman with metallic dreadlocks poking out of her skull, her armor exposing skin and flesh in the fashion of a gladiator of old. He stared at him with a raised eyebrow and a silent growl as a twitch of pain or anger made her right eye close for a half second.
“Excuse me….heh….corporal.”
She said his rank as if it was an insult, even going as far as spitting on the ground after she said it. She held up by the back of his flak vest like he was little more than a lost puppy. She treated him like he wasn’t worth even talking to and that he was some stupid grunt who was simply in the way.
Space marines raced past both of them, ignoring them in favor of chasing after the retreating Xenos. They….were gonna steal his glory.
“Let me go damn you, the fights over there!”
The woman laughed loudly. Her head held back as her laughter echoed over the battlefield. A part of him thought her laughter was the most horrific and beautiful sound he ever heard, but it was overshadowed by his growing rage.
“You wouldn’t do-hnngghh-do anything to those alien freaks by yourself. Go home boy. Run with the rest of your fri-“
He swiped at her and smiled widely when he saw a small, paper thin cut open up on her cheek. A small trickle of blood dribbled down her skin as her smile disappeared. Her free hand came up and wiped at the cut. She studied the small swipe of blood on her finger. The cut was nothing, it wouldn’t even scar and she had lost far more blood then this in the blood pits. But something about this man taking a swipe at her, daring to cut her, daring to even consider killing or harming her…..
She smiled widely and put the man on her shoulder.
“You. I like you. You’re mine now little man.”
He tried to jump off but she held firm and turned away from the battle. Her sons would handle the fight. He roared on her shoulder and struggled against her grip, his rage growing as he did everything he could to get into the fight and kill. He wanted to, no needed to spill blood. He needed to kill, he needed to make them bleed.
But this goddess in bronze wouldn’t let him. She walked away and set him down in a space marine Rhino. He didn’t know her, he didn’t know why she took him, and he didn’t care. Instead he sighed and hung his head as he lit a iho stick.
“Don’t worry Corporal, there will be more glory to be had.”
He stared at her. His eyes were bloodshot, his body covered in dust and he felt exhausted.
“Hnngh…frakking….throne damn you….”
She smiled widely at that and pulled the trigger on her chainaxe. She then turned towards the driver.
“On second thought, hmm let’s go. I wanna see what you got little corporal.”
He smiled at that and stood up, popping his neck. He exhaustion was forgotten for the time being as the thought of killing those damned Xenos got his blood pumping and made him want to move.
“By the way.”
The giantess spoke as the rear hatch opened, revealing the same battlefield he had just left.
“My name is Atalanta.”
Please note: I’m not a writer and this whole story came to me while I was in a shower and from my lack of artistic skill. Sorry if it’s trash.

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https://www.biospace.com/article/women-s-health-market-size-worth-usd-24-48-billion-by-2027-emergen-research/

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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TSH slowly rising
Hey! For 6 years, I've been taking levothyroxine after being diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Over the years, I've done everything to balance my body and alleviate symptoms of high TPO or low T3 and T4. I'm currently on 175mcg of generic levothyroxine, gradually increased over the years. I thought this would be the maximum dosage for a thyroid patient.
For the first time in years, my TSH is elevated again. My T4 is at the upper limit, but my T3 is still relatively low. My doctor advises slowly increasing to 200mcg, which is the highest dose available on generic levothyroxine. Is this an excessively high dose? Is it the right choice? I'm already taking all cofactors to support T4 to T3 conversion like selenium, zinc, vitamin A, vitamin D, vitamin K, etc.
Since my T4 is already at the upper limit, I'm wondering about the effects of too much T4 on the body. If I increase to 200mcg, it will likely push my T4 above the upper limit. Is this concerning? Or should I just focus on the active T3 bloodlevels and take these as a reference.
Also, are there others that might know if there are other medications I could try? Maybe I should take a combination of T4 and active T3? Also I heard a lot about Tirosint? Is this worth trying? Do people here have experience with this? Bless you!

TSH slowly rising
Hey! For 6 years, I've been taking levothyroxine after being diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Over the years, I've done everything to balance my body and alleviate symptoms of high TPO or low T3 and T4. I'm currently on 175mcg of generic levothyroxine, gradually increased over the years. I thought this would be the maximum dosage for a thyroid patient.
For the first time in years, my TSH is elevated again. My T4 is at the upper limit, but my T3 is still relatively low. My doctor advises slowly increasing to 200mcg, which is the highest dose available on generic levothyroxine. Is this an excessively high dose? Is it the right choice? I'm already taking all cofactors to support T4 to T3 conversion like selenium, zinc, vitamin A, vitamin D, vitamin K, etc.
Since my T4 is already at the upper limit, I'm wondering about the effects of too much T4 on the body. If I increase to 200mcg, it will likely push my T4 above the upper limit. Is this concerning? Or should I just focus on the active T3 bloodlevels and take these as a reference.
Also, are there others that might know if there are other medications I could try? Maybe I should take a combination of T4 and active T3? Also I heard a lot about Tirosint? Is this worth trying? Do people here have experience with this? Bless you!

I recently got into a tier-1 university for computer science in India and my first semester starts in August. I pretty much have the next 2.5 months completely free and I haven't made any plans yet. I wanted to split all my time into four parts

1. Hobbies/ entertainment (Catching up on shows/ movies)
2. Preparation for college (Learning code, math)
3. Self care (Staying active, gym, etc.)
4. Misc. (Learning how to drive, donating old books/clothes, cleaning out my gallery, etc.)

I've been completely relaxing ever since my main exams got over, and now I'm getting really bored. I'm not sure what else to do with my time, especially when it comes to (2.) college prep. I wanna work on a lot of hard skills and portfolio building activities but I don't know where to start. Any help/ advice would be great. Thanks!
^myquals

26M here. By golly, I watch way too much pornography for my own good. The worst part is I think the I think this stuff is at the root of a lot of confidence issues that I have in my life. It's actually astounding how noticeably better I feel after 3-4 days of random abstaining, however, I plunge myself right back in time and time again. I recognize that a path to victory over porn addiction is to just tell everyone I'm addicted to porn but I just can't (won't) bring myself to do so. I find it as something I should overcome alone, because unlike other conflicts, the image of myself "battling" my problems is, in reality, just me tugging on my shit alone on my bed. I have 3 roommates and a dog for crying out loud. It's embarrassing that I'm in my room mashing it.
I'd say the worst part of porn addiction is knowing that I'm sacrificing this time, energy, and effort into something completely ridiculous instead of dating, hobbies, etc. . I do just well enough for myself in my day-to-day where this thankfully isn't getting in the way of more immediate concerns like my physical health and financial security, but this has totally become a void of which I release valuable social energy into. I find it so tough to talk to women because of the pornification of my brain that has happened over the past 15 years. I lose interest so quickly if it's not immediately clear we'll be sleeping together. Worst yet, porn has affected how I view and value women and men alike. I value women almost purely on looks and the formula in terms of how it impacts me is simple - the more beautiful they are, the more scared of them I am. I just don't have the testosterone in my body at any given time to pounce upon opportunities and I end up just missing out on a lot of beautiful moments in my life to instead go back to the eternal dopamine fountain that is pornography. I then see myself as lesser to other men and unsure in their presence as I am jealous of their seeming ability to just, honestly, talk to women lol. But more than that, initiate conversations with women. I figured I'd be not scared to do that as I got older but I've only become more timid, and I think porn is definitely a sizeable reason as to why I feel timid, because let's face it, my brain needs to heal from this shit. It's also because I view women from a hypser-sexualized lens and basically subconsciously sift them into two camps into my brain - would have sex with and would not have sex with. Basically, porn has made me timid (less testosterone, hyper-sexualization of women), which has made it more difficult (read impossible) for me to initiate conversations with women, which makes me feel bad because I'm not "getting with a hot girl", and in turns makes me feel lessar as a man relative to the men who get with said "hot girls". I mask it well and you'd honestly not suspect me of having this slurry of thoughts in my brain constantly. I'm 6ft, most would agree more attractive than not, and am physically fit but GODDAMN am I just a timid man on the inside. This timidity is the worst part and I don't want this addiction to rob me of my fading youth and my capacity to take risks. Basically, this timidity has made me more risk-averse, and in tandem with that, more scared to take the risks, that if they pay out, would have an outstandingly positive affect on my life. But here I am jerking it. I'm tired of it and I owe it to myself to get out of this rut.
I'm sure a lot of you can sympathize with some of the words I just vomited out and I appreciate anyone reading this far into this post. I'm not even sure there's anything here that can spark a fruitful conversation. I'm treating this as a first step in just owning and recognizing my addiction. I want to stop but I'm scared of the absolute terms that come with saying "I'm stopping" because when I fail it can make it feel worse that I broke a promise to myself. But what I will confidently say is that 1) I hate what this shit has done to me over the years and 2) I want to beat it and live without it.
Stay blessed y'all - there's always a light and I guess this is just me reconnecting with mine.

I got an arranged marriage. How that worked was my mom connected with a friend of a friend and things between her son and I were arranged. We spoke and texted on the phone for a month, and I flew out to meet him a couple of times before saying yes to getting engaged. It was important to me that my husband found me attractive so it was something I asked and he said yes at the time. We decided to get married at the end of the year which left a little time for me to lose weight for my wedding as all women want to. I was a bit extreme and even had to take muscle relaxants due to pain and spasms in my jaw caused by stress. Anyways we got married and I know I wasn’t skinny but good and I felt beautiful, and I thought my husband did too, he saw me and knew who he was marrying me. A couple days into our marriage during intimacy we were figuring things out and he made a comment that “ we should lose weight” because the bed sunk. In hindsight not a big deal but it was so shocking so I just asked him and he told me, “yeah you’re a bit fat. I guess this thing can be dismissed in my mind. I cried a lot over this in front of him. But after that for months he would tell me to go to the gym and be active under the guise that it wasn’t about how I looked but to be healthy. Obviously we all know what he was saying. I guess that can also be dismissed. But what felt unacceptable was me telling him to stop saying these things to me and him not stopping. After years of extreme dieting and the stress of final year I’ve gained weight back due to binge eating and he picked on me a lot more this trip that I went to visit him ( we are long distance just till I finish my semester) and even used to comment on how I was walking, even though he’s much taller than me so naturally has covers more ground than me but just said it’s me being unfit. True or not I felt it was inhumane to pick on someone for just walking. Honestly it hurt so much but he didn’t understand why it was a big deal. I guess what really just broke my heart was what was said in the heat of this pain and the arguments we had. I kept asking him why would he marry me if he felt I wasn’t ideal. He told me he thought I’d lose the weight. I guess it broke my heart because the one thing I had always wanted was a husband who loved me immensely and to whom I was desirable. His comments made me feel so ashamed of myself as a woman. He still stands on the fact that it isn’t a big deal, but when you’ve been body shamed by your mother your whole life and have a long history of disordered eating it’s hard. Honestly I feel that he does love me. I’m not saying this to sound in denial. But his actions do show this. Also we are new to each other. He’s a good man, apart from these comments he’s kind, a provider, he hasn’t raised his voice or got upset at me. I want this marriage to work. If my foot falls off the bed I’ve woken to him holding it while he’s asleep himself. He cooks for me and cleans the apartment. He honours me and takes me to meet his friends. Talks to my family, my mother out of love and respect. He calls me everyday and the periods we fought he wouldn’t let me leave if I were still in pain.He calls me beautiful every day. But I don’t know how to pick up the pieces of my heart and move forward knowing my husband wished I were different.

there are about a million different issues i have and i know why i feel the way i feel but every cell in body is demanding that i sabotage this relationship. im just so scared that it'll end badly and I'll end up really hurt. i can feel my mind trying to avoid that pain. half of me wants to keep other options as backup but the rational part of me doesn't want to do that to either him or to me. im not that kind of a person and i really do love him. but if i do accept that i love him and it turns out he's been playing me, which i know he isn't, you can't look at someone the way he looks at me and not love them, i don't think I'll recover from that.

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I started channeling a few months ago (only when I take psychedelics). I'm still working on trying to achieve this in a sober state! The energy/entity comes through in a strong northern Irish accent which I've got to admit really freaked me out the first time it happened. I receive information through hand symbols and body movements rather than the voice which can be difficult to decifer. So when I'm speaking it's still me deciding what is being said, I just have an Irish accent instead. Most recently I was able to sing in a way I would never be able to myself (it also had a very Irish sound to it). I'm very intrigued however I'm unsure on why I'm channeling this energy or what the message is. Could this be a past life memory? The body movements suggest muscle memory of activities like horse riding (also not something I'm familiar with in this life). If anyone has recommendations for resources surrounding the subject or some good podcasts relating to channeling/different types of channeling/techniques etc I'd be very grateful ☺️ Also if anyone can explain to me what kind of channeling this is that would be helpful. I feel like it's a trance channeling state however I'm pretty much aware what is happening throughout and tend to remember most of the details.

As someone who’s consumed a lot of true crime content, the whole Patience and Miko situation doesn’t make sense to me. How can Miko claim self defense when there’s zero evidence of Patience inviting her over to her home (meaning Miko must have shown up unannounced). From what I recall, Patience never shared her address or invited Miko over to her house either. The pair always met in public at the cafe with several witnesses.
The police also wouldn’t have found any “signs of struggle,” like scratches or bruises, that would imply Patience “attacked her” prior to defending herself. There also would have been copious amounts of evidence to support the allegations of stalking on Patience’s part. The police have special task teams that can trace your internet search history, even if you clear everything. Miko would’ve made hundreds of searches regarding Patience’s music, home address, friends, social media accounts etc.
Also, last but not least, Patience was the one who got stabbed. How is Miko’s team even considering a self-defense plea? How does Miko have enough money to pay her legal team? How is Miko even allowed online (her legal team would have advised her against being on social media, let alone her interacting with tweets and comments about the case. Also her social media accounts would be locked and actively investigated by the police).
This whole case makes no sense. It’s clear that Milo was a stalker who tried to stabbed her favorite artist after she rejected her advances to form a personal relationship (which was also documented online). It would’ve made sense if Patience got lured to Miko’s house or if Miko was invited over to make amends. But Patience, after several weeks of telling Miko to leave her alone, winds up being stabbed and her legal team thinks ‘self-defense’ is a plausible option.

I tell people: "I am the King of Inconsistent." I know this about myself and I warn people that the same story may have different narratives, but when it eventually happens it still seems to upset people and it's kinda frustrating for me.
My partner and I have been a couple for just under 5 years, and for about 4 of those years she's known I have DID, and has met some of my alters but we're very covert most of the time. And because we're so covert/blurry there are times when my partner struggles with things like my changing likes/dislikes, memory issues for things I may have said/done, and stories of my past. I tell her what I remember, and other parts tell what they remember, but even though we share a body telling the story, we don't always share memory; so the story can seem disjointed because there's 6 of us narrating our different chapters.
For example:
The other day I was talking to my partner about an ex I've talked about a number of times. We were together 7 years but split up because I transitioned and she wasn't into masculine people (basically, that's the TLDR version of the story.) Anyway, I was saying "my ex and I weren't the healthy couple you and I are" and my partner says "you've told me in the past that if it wasn't for your transition you'd still be together, and now you say you were unhealthy. That's hard for me to accept." And I'm like "well can both not be true?"
I know one of my alters regards my ex in a better light than I do. So when he talks about her it's a very romantic story. I remember her to be a bully at times, often narrow minded and a grumpy sourpuss. Those are my memories. And when I reflect on her, I see her differently; when we talk about her it's not consistent. We share a mutual respect for my ex but different emotions towards her and sometimes it looks like we change our minds a lot, but we really don't.
Is this something you all experience in some way as well? How do you handle it?

It was late November 2015. I was 51 and one year past my divorce (which was not related to cheating) when I became so disgusted with myself that I knew I had to pick myself up. I was alone for the long holiday, and although I wasn't really sad or lonely, I felt empty. However, I had some extra time to consider how does one picks oneself up.
I made a list of potential New Year resolutions that were individually realistic. Some were really easy and stupid like “have your chipped front tooth fixed” and “take & post a selfie”. These smaller tasks fueled my confidence and provided the energy boosts needed to tackle the more challenging resolutions, like starting a weight loss challenge at work.
Skip ahead to March 4th 2016. I had a Friday lunch date with a married client that I met two weeks prior. Of course, it was not a real date, as I wouldn't impose myself on a married woman, nor would I risk my career or my ego, especially if the signals she seemed to be sending were just a product of my wishful thinking, stimulated by checking off some boxes on the list on the fridge dated 1/1/16.
The following is my thank you note to her for a great date as well as for helping me check a lot of boxes over the past few weeks. I sent her a link to it as it is in the form of my first ever online post (one more check box, YAY!).
************************************** We were only 1 minute in the hotel room; her jeans in a ball on the floor. She sat at the foot of the king sized bed and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard. I followed as If attached by a leash. I landed somewhat awkwardly on my elbows between her legs finding myself squarely face to face with the tattoo. This tattoo, that she so shamelessly revealed just a week ago, the same tattoo that has been scorching my thoughts and the same tattoo that she promised me complete and unlimited access.
It’s been a long time since I have been here or anywhere near as nice as here, between the legs of a beautiful woman 20 years younger and far out of my league....even when I was her age. I took a second to drink in my fortunate situation. I admired her panties. All day I was so hoping she would wear those same panties as before. She didn’t. These were different but similar enough. The delicate lace and silk perfectly framed the tattoo on her hip. She did not disappoint. There is a fruity jasmine scent, intoxicatingly pleasant, and oh so subtle. It is not here. I’ll need to find its source. I want more of that. (I remember being thoroughly impressed and thinking to myself “This girl is good”.)
I briefly forgot that there was someone else here besides myself and the tattoo. How long have I been down here perving out on her? I wondered. I hesitated, and then apologetically looked up half expecting a well-deserved snarky glare. What I found instead was an ear to ear compassionate smile followed by a tilt of her head and an arch of her eyebrow that said “I like that you like that, carry on”.
With confidence restored that we were still in sync, I adjusted myself so that I was in a good position to thoroughly enjoy what I came to do. I kissed the tattoo hard and gave it a good lick. The challenge for today was “Taste the Tattoo” and I won. I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to. I continued to kiss and taste all around until every freckle got some personal attention. As I got to the upper most reaches of her inner thighs, I looked up to check in as I was about to cross a new line. For the first time she was not looking back at me but had laid her head back deep into the pillows, her eyes closed. I took that as a yes!
I marveled at the softness of her inner thighs on my cheeks as I gently placed kisses up one and down the other. As I kissed her through her panties, her hips responded by arching her up in anticipation of each next kiss. Before long, those wonderful panties were just getting in the way. I stopped and pondered whether to just slide them aside or remove them or to risk interrupting the mood and attempt a complete wardrobe removal as we were both still fully dressed except for her jeans.
I didn’t have to ponder long as she knew what she wanted and it was not any of the options I was considering. Still lying back with her head semi submerged within the pillows, she held out her arms as if gesturing for a hug. I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss.
Unbelievably, this was our first kiss. I found it odd that we had not kissed yet and was grateful she thought to stop for a moment to have a kiss. We kissed some and then I settled in to thoroughly enjoy it. However, the kiss to come was not the kiss I was expecting or a kiss I was ready for. It was a kiss that could ruin everything.
Technically, there was one kiss before. It was an awkward kiss 5-10 minutes earlier just after we entered the room. All in about the time it took for the hotel door to close behind us, she tossed her bag on the sofa, had her jewelry off and set on the nightstand while I emptied my pockets and silenced my phone.
We approached each other, and as we met I was looking at the place where the tattoo would be under her shirt and behind her jeans. They were higher cut and could not be pulled down that far to get to the tattoo. They would have to come off. To just reach in and do that would be an uncharacteristically bold move for me. But I did have unquestionable permission to have the tattoo in any way that I desired. I reached down with both hands and took hold of the waistband on each side of the button. I didn’t see her simultaneous move in at me at first. Just as I felt the metal of the button, I felt her reaching her arms around my neck and realized that she was tip toeing up for a kiss. It caught me unexpectedly and I think it showed on my face that it did. I tried to recover and moved back in to accept her lips on to mine but it turned into an awkward peck.
I scolded myself for the selfish moment and just as I was trying to formulate a recovery gesture, she, without missing a beat, gently dismissed my fumble and gracefully restored the momentum. “Oh” she said with surprise in her tone, while looking down at my fingers ready to release her button. Then, in a more playfully quizzical tone, she followed with “I guess you want to get right to THAT then” and she stepped back away from me where I lost grip of her jeans. She replaced my fingers on the button with hers, paused, maybe waiting for me to look up to her eyes, which I finally did, then flashed me a devilishly naughty smile and pulled her jeans down to the top of her boots. She then proudly announced, mostly to herself, “You really are going to let me have fun with you, aren’t you!” seemingly shedding any doubts in her mind that I would go through with this. She then sat at the foot of the all white linen king sized bed, removed her boots and jeans and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard.
Back to our kiss. The kiss that from now on I will reflect on as our first kiss
Responding to her hug gesture, I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss. I didn’t flub it this time, but again, I didn’t know it was coming, and prolly I should have. It took only ten seconds to adjust and synchronize to each other’s kissing form. It was warm and succulent and sweet and was wonderful. I really was surprised at how nice this felt. I don’t recall married kissing being this enjoyable. I remember saying to myself “Damn, this girl can kiss”.
I was on top, in a position that wasn’t going to be comfortable for as long as I wanted this to last, so I backed away to reposition but she held tight indicating she didn’t want me to move. I gestured at the space next to her and she relented. We then settled in facing one another side by side; her smile confirming that this was a nice place. We were hugging and kissing, pulling each other closer and looking into each other’s eyes. Our legs intertwined and our hands were roaming, but not really in a sexual way, more like trying to make as much body contact as possible. I couldn’t get over how I felt so much more familiarity than there was. What I did not recognize at the time was that this was the physical intimacy catching up to match the virtual intimacy we have been sharing online.
Soon the intensity escalated and it was getting very hot very quickly. The intensity and passion that was building was not something I ever expected or planned for. This was the rare kind of making out where accidental hickeys happen and inadvertent “Oh god I love you’s” slip out. Not that either of those was going to happen but my safe, non-committal no emotional strings encounter was getting too hot to not risk introducing emotions into the situation. And that could happen.
At some point I was no longer kissing her lips and mouth but was kissing her.
I broke contact to catch a breath and maybe get some control of the fire. We stopped for a moment to breathe and cool off. She slid herself on top and I rolled over on to my back to accommodate her. She looked at me with eyes that appeared to agree that it was a good time to slow it down. She closed her eyes and she seemed to enjoy that I was rubbing her back with both hands that I slipped up under her shirt. She presented her lips for me to kiss and then her cheek for the same, then neck and ear and lips again. Her long hair had fallen down around us, surrounding our faces like a vail creating a tiny private and even more intimate space. Inside here it was darker and the temperature and humidity rose quickly. We were breathing each other’s breath between kisses. All of a sudden I noticed that Jasmine was back. Not subtle this time, but deep and fulfilling. I loved it.
This fragrance stuff really works. The next morning just after waking up, I caught an unexpected subtle whiff on my skin under my watch and my heart jumped by 20 beats. Who’d a thunk it possible?
The passion was building again but since I was aware and cautious now, I wanted to enjoy and go with it. I thought I could keep it measured and I did for a while as it does take two. The kissing slowed to half and so did the passion. However, the rest of our bodies started to make up for it and the touching evolved into the sexual. She was still on top of me and my hands were exploring and squeezing on her panty covered butt, then under and in those panties. Her body contact became more targeted as she was now very deliberately mashing her fun stuff all over my fun stuff. The kissing subsided but replaced with the audible accompaniment of her squeaks, moans and quicker breathing timed with her mashing I was no longer in control. The passion was under control but being replaced with something intimately erotic.
I abruptly escaped by gently rolling her over on to her back then getting up and knelling between her legs. I took a moment to catch my breath and wanted to say “That is getting WAY too intimate. Can we get naked and have sex now?” However, I tugged at her panties and said something dorky like “can we take these off now?” Yes, we were still both fully dressed except for her jeans
Since I am the kind of guy who doesn’t kiss and tell, (well, only tells about the kisses) and this is not the forum for it, I am not going to talk about the sexy part over the next 30 minutes. I will tell you that we did finally each get ourselves unceremoniously naked and then the sexy part finishes where it started, with me finishing all over that beautiful tattoo. Of course I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to.
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Cuddle time. Our snapchats leading up to this encounter were heavy on the anticipation and buildup but didn’t contain a lot of detail about or define what stuff would happen during our “fun” time together.
Me: “Ok then, tomorrow lunchtime, I’m in.”
Her: “OMG Are you saying that you are REALLY going to come here and let me have fun with you?
Me: “I’m REALLY going to come there. I am REALLY going to fully inspect that tattoo, as well as the neighborhood where the tattoo lives.
Her: “I so can’t wait to get my hands on you.”
Me: “WOW….Now that this is real and going to happen, my heart is beating so hard that I am afraid that people can see it through my shirt.”
Her: “You have to tell me, are you being SERIOUS right now? You can’t say this and not show up. It’s OK if you are teasing, but you have to say so that you are now….not tomorrow!!!”
Me: “I am SERIOUS and I PROMISE I will be there. You have gotten to me, BAD. All week with the way we have been talking..err..I mean snapchatting; I can’t get you out of my head. Then today with those tattoo snaps you sent; I can’t get up from my desk. LOL…..NOT kidding NOT teasing.”
Her: “I am BAD, and I like having FUN. I am going to have so much fun with you!!!”
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The only specific things I recall us acknowledging we would do with our “fun” was tattoo inspection and cuddle time. So as soon as cleanup from sexy time was done we both knew what time it was. For me, as good as the inspection was the cuddle was better. Just as during the sexy time we changed things up and we got to cuddle many ways. We started face to face full contact hugging just like our kissing time with some but less kissing and more being in the moment.
We were still hot (temperature hot now) and sweaty so that didn’t last long. She turned over and we spooned some. I was still craving full body contact but it was still so hot that we had to separate a bit. No contact spooning if you will, with just my one hand caressing her exposed shoulder and arm and hip with an occasional butt cheek squeeze.
It was about that time that we had our first ever personal conversation. On the project there were lots of flirty banter and some personal stories but almost always as part of a group. We had many phone calls and a few project meetings with just us two but never did the conversation get personal. Until now the only personal talks (Chats) we have had have been via Snapchat. I don’t recall who asked the first question of the other, but it was like a dam broke and we started filling in the details of our lives, our feelings and all the things we chatted about.
There was a lot to tell and we were giddy like children (child) best friends re-meeting on the first day of school catching each other up on our summer vacations. At one point she had something compelling to say and faster than a fish out of water she flipped back to facing me so she could gesture with her hand and punctuate through her expression. She landed close. Closer that I think she meant to at first and just a bit awkward I felt. But I was wrong. She didn’t back up an inch. I really couldn’t see her hand but I could feel that she was using it in the 2 to 4 inches of space between our chests. Her face was right into mine. She would lean back or up just an inch when she wanted me to see her eyes or smile or frown for emphasis, then settle back into the pillows with our foreheads or noses or cheeks touching. It was the farthest thing in the world from awkward.
If there was a recurring theme for the day it would be HOT; in every sense and synonym of the word. Again, it was getting too sweaty to remain that close. This time she broke contact to catch a breath and escape the heat. We stopped talking for a moment to breathe and cool off. She sat up, crawled to, and grabbed the (sexy time) clean-up towel that was at the far foot of the bed. She turned around so that she was kneeling facing me as she brought the towel up to her chest to absorb the beads and drips of sweat that had accumulated. As I watched, I again thought of my great fortune to be right here right now feeing what I feel and seeing the beauty before me. She pushed the towel down across her belly button and it fell into her lap.
I observed the soft sunlight reflecting off the white sheets, the white towel, and the white pillows bathed her in perfect light creating just a hint of subtle shadows in all of the right places on her angelic white skin. I started consciously taking photos with my mind. I wanted to capture every nuance and note every detail. I don’t know if I will ever be here again.
I don't recall if my next realization was comprehended in a split second, or if it took ten seconds to develop, but a terrible fear washed over me that for the first time in forever, she was beyond my touch and her next action might be to look for her panties or go jump in the shower. We were after all, deep into the second hour of her hour long lunch.
As I was preparing myself for the pain soon to come, I couldn't understand where it was coming from. I had the BEST DAY EVER, but I felt like an exhausted child who just watched the Disney fireworks finally and knows what that means.
What the hell? What is happening in my head? I don't even know this girl, let alone have feelings for her beyond she made my dick feel good at lunchtime.....and, I guess my ego is healthier since I met her. I have not cheated on my diet since she turned on the flattery the week before. I was sure it had to be somehow manipulative, but I hoped that if only a 5% chance it wasn't AND she liked me AND her mom was single, made it easy to keep my snacking to peas & carrots.
My self esteem has been skyrocketing too, as I have been checking a lot of boxes on my refrigerator. LOL, so many in fact, that I have been adding things to the list after they happened that I didn't dare put on it as they seemed pretty unobtainable just two months before. "Get sent a nude selfie, check. Have the confidence to send one back, check. Take a hottie 32 year old client out to lunch and fuck her brains out, check.
Did I just discover that I like girls who make my self esteem feel good more than I like girls who make my dick feel good?
Shit, that wasn't even on my top ten list. Smart, funny, pretty, Kind, whatever is the opposite of bitchy, fun in bed, boobs and/or an age appropriate figure is always nice, curious, someone you can trust to see you at your worst. Before today, "genuinely being a boost & support of my self esteem" was 10th.
Then BAM. I was hit in the face with the towel. Damn girl, I hope you can handle a spanking because I was just on the verge of making an interpersonal discovery of some importance over here, I thought to myself. I noticed the slightest or possibly mock look of concern on her face as she asks "you're not having any regrets or second thoughts over there are you?". I reflexively replied "Oh god no". Then with some emphasys, I continued "today was incredible. I REALLY needed this and you were PERFECT, thank you".
Again she did not disappoint. She crawled to the top of the bed on the far side and then to me over the pillows and laid down at a 90 angle to me on her stomach parallel to the headboard with her head nearly right on top of mine. She propped herself up a bit on her elbows and we kissed deeply. It was nice.
I made a few attempts to shake my internal drama, get out of my head and get back to my goal of picking my self up after my divorce. Oops, I mean back to pleasing a beautiful woman who clearly was not yet done having her fun with me. The emotional rollercoaster ride over the last hours, days & weeks completely blew out my brains ability to generate or absorb endorphins or whatever happens in a situation like this. Shortly after we had joked around while showering together, kissing goodbye (just like when I kissed my endorphin killing ex wife) and going on back to our separate lives.
I drove the hour or so home, brought my dog to the park and had healthiest and happiest cry I ever had. I don't know what I was feeling or why, but I was feeling again and it brought me much relief and contentedness.
We texted a bit that evening confirming that we each enjoyed our time together and agreeing that we should do that again sometime. The next day, Saturday, her husband took their 5 & 8 year old sons somewhere for the day. We checked in with each other again over text and chatted some about our lunch but the spark or excitement we usually had was not the same.
I reached out again that evening and asked if she was in a place that we could talk on the phone. She resisted but did call me (our first personal phone call). It took her 24 hours to let her cry bubble up. It turns out that our emotional experiences were remarkably similar, albeit from different perspectives.
She much later reveals that she felt emotionally dead for her hubby. She evolved to a bad place where she wanted fuck anyone but her hubby but still fucked him twice a week and had to appear happy to do it, killing her brain chemistry.
We rode the best and worst roller coaster in the world for 6 or 8 months....until the the Cocaine eventually wore off or the unobtainable became obtainable and it wasn't the the same rush for either of us any longer. She was the closest thing to a drug addiction that I ever felt. I never wanted anyone or anything like I wanted her.
My hope is that this story helps one person answer the question "Why the hell would he/she risk giving up their wonderful & loving family for an hour with a douchebag or a skank?"

I know all this will sound like the old adage: to a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail, but recently, I've been pondering about the weapon used by Imu on the kingdom of Lulusia and its effects. We've all noticed the similarity of the hole left on Lulusia to the Enies Lobby's one, the only difference being that Enies Lobby still has a portion of the island remaining. (There is even an iron gate around the hole, so the waters there, are not that deep.) This led me to wonder what could have created such a peculiar situation, and looking at the map of Enies Lobby from above, it occurred to me that what is present at Enies Lobby might be the 'shadow' of Joy Boy. To elaborate: in the past, the weapon might have been used against Joy Boy, or perhaps Joy Boy sacrificed himself using his body as a shield to protect the inhabitants of that island.
If you notice, the island has a central body and two small portions on the sides; I believe the central portion could be the shadow of Joy Boy's torso or perhaps a shield, and the lateral ones his legs and feet. One of the land isthmuses that connected the central part to one of the lateral ones must have given way over the years.
Bonus Theory 1: The central whirlpool might have been caused by that weapon used in the open sea, perhaps against Joy Boy's ship.
Bonus Theory 2: Blackbeard's fruit makes him immune to this weapon, which is why he was desperately seeking it.

Yo, i just wanted to let all the Nas fans know about the Nas discord server, the discord server has been running dry and not that active for sometime now due to lack of members. I'd like to invite y'all to join the server if you're a fan of Nas, and not only Nas but hip-hop as a whole. It's a great fun and friendly community to be a part of with great people and staff is nice too. Give it a chance!!
https://discord.gg/qD5AJR8zrS

So I never got into it when it came out, for reference the first movie came out in 2015.
So I never watched it. I found the spoofs, parodies, etc., hilarious at the time.
The past week as they're available on Max, I watched all 3.
I think they were a great fantasy. As a single woman in my mid 30s, who has been single TOO long, I can see the excitement lonely house wives, single women felt about this movie when it came out.
I could also see it being a couples movie. I think people were too hard on these movie when it released. I think all the sex scenes were tastefully done, they were definitely curated for a woman audience. I didn't find any of them vulgar.
The main actor is a perfect male specimen.
Dakota Johnson had a perfect body. You look at him and know he can get more attractive, but I think that was part of the appeal to the woman watching. IE, he wasn't with a playboy model.
She grew on me as the series went along.
I also had no idea what Seattle looked like, this piqued my interest.
I actually wish we had more movies like this with this type of budget.
Add: I recall a lot of the BDSM groups disliking. This couple had soft elements of BDSM, but they were very softcore and were not meant to be a representative of the kink scene.