• 11 year old female labrador retriever
• Spayed
• About 85 lbs (I am aware she is overweight)
• Had mast cell tumor removal last year, but otherwise healthy

My 11 year old lab recently went from being fully active to struggling to even get up or walk a few steps. This literally happened over night--I took her out in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and later that morning she could barely get up. It seemed her hind legs had no strength. She had an upset stomach the day before, but I'm not sure that's connected.
Prior to this I noticed that she had been panting a lot even when at rest, but I figured it was anxiety (she's a very anxious dog). However, the sudden loss of mobility was accompanied by a lot of panting and heavy breathing.
After a few hours of her panting and not moving much, I took her to the emergency vet. They ran x-rays of the chest&abdomen, bloodwork, and examined her throat. They found absolutely nothing wrong with her--in fact, the vet told me she was impressed by her bloodwork, given her age and breed. She seemed as confused as I was and said that it could be neurological, but they did not have that specialty in house. Because of how anxious she was, they could not get clear x rays of her hind legs (I don't know why they wouldn't start there to begin with, I'm pretty annoyed by that).
While she was there she managed to stand and walk on her own, so she was released to me with two medications--carprofen (anti-inflammatory and pain relief) and gabapentin. I have only been administering carprofen since it has the two benefits listed above. The vet told me that was okay, I could hold off on the gabapentin since that is usually for neurological/nerve issues and we don't know for sure if that is what she has.
I was also told to keep her calm and resting for two weeks and that if she were to lose mobility again, that should be considered an emergency and I need to take her to a vet with a neurology department. She suggested just taking her regardless so I could know for sure.
Here is my issue: I unfortunately cannot afford to take her to another vet. Frankly, I can't even afford the current bill. It's incredibly frustrating that I spent so much money to be told that they have no idea what is ailing her. It's also strange that it happened so suddenly and that she bounced back while she was at the vet. The vet was surprised by that as well and said it might have been due to the adrenaline.
It's been a few days and I would say she is about 80% back to normal though a bit low energy but that's most likely due to the meds. She is still panting occasionally but otherwise does not appear to be in pain or distress.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? I've done my own research online and can't seem to find anything that wouldn't have been discovered through the xrays, like a slipped disc or arthritis. What possible neurological condition could this be?
What can I do to keep her healthy and pain free once the carprofen runs out?
Thanks so much.

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tried to keep my post as spoiler free as possible, in case you haven't played it. It was honestly still a pretty good game despite its flaws , and I recommend you guys try it before reading much farther.
So I just finished The Chant, and although I enjoyed the game a decent amount, what was up with the ending?
I got what turned out to be the "Mind" ending. I was confused how to get the other endings and so looked it up (trying just to read articles and not watch videos.) Unfortunately, the other endings were spoiled for me. The questions I have still remain: why such an incomplete ending? Are either of the other endings better? Is it worth playing the whole game over again just to try and get a new ending, or should I just watch a video online? Is there a canon ending? And is the DLC worth playing? Because although I liked the game, the ending was so lackluster that I'm now unsure if I want to put more hours into the game. Especially if it doesn't continue right from where the main game left off. Does the DLC have more of a "complete" ending?
What were you're thoughts on the game? How did you initially feel after getting your first ending? Which ending did you get?

After speaking with a few members in this group and few outside this group this is what I have gathered from the market for my project
let me know if this perspective is accurate or not and feel free to add to it
Service providers in the market:
Wedding videographephotographer that charge between 5-25k per wedding doing 12-40 jobs a year
Desired situation:
To be the go to wedding videographephotographer in their locality and be recommended by top venues and planners as well as having a good reputation online and in the community as well as having a lot of profit for me and my family
Issues:
​

• Trying to show their creative side through their work as well as producing high quality work without “churning and burning” their customers
• Too much inquires coming in and wasting time with low quality inquires
• Trying to stay away from feast and famine months with their business
• Keeping a good name and image in the community
• Collaborating with venues and planners to get more high quality inquires
• Making sure to have a good and consistent online presence
• Spending a lot of time sorting and finding high quality leads
• Getting on the recommended vendors lists for venues and planners
• Being able to work “on” the business getting more inquires as well as them being a good quality

What are people trying to sell you:
​

• SEO: the issue they brought up… Does it even work? What are the quality of the people calling me?

​

• Social Media Management Agency: the issue they brought up no real ROI on the service the money would be better spent elsewhere

​

• Software: mainly business management software doesn’t actually target pain points really can only send invoices contracts and speak with customers but not actions that move the needle forward

​

• Full service social media: the person handling it doesn’t bring out the vision the client is looking for and the same issues with the social media management agency

Majority of your market:
Main pain point ( NEGATIVE FEEDBACK LOOP )
​

• Forget about quality of inquires not enough are even coming in
• Jobs are low budget and low quality ( making it difficult to create good marketing material for the business having good looking brides and grooms in a good venue high quality backgrounds which would’ve created a positive feedback loop )
• Difficult to get out the 1-3k price range when marketing materials aren’t as good and are stuck delivering for clients to make sure the services were good

WORD OF MOUTH IS EVERYTHING IN THIS INDUSTRY
Softwares that are popular in the market currently use:

• Stripe (Payment processor)
• Gmail
• Adobe Suite
• Mac OS
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Honeybook
• Helsome (Payment processor)
• Shoot proof (sends clients there images and videos)
• Studio Ninja ( Invoicing, contracts, customer management )

My question is what are people trying to shove down your throats?
like if you're running a wedding photography business what are people trying to sell you over emails or cold calls,
Are those things even use full to you?
I noticed the big boys that help provide tools are mainly honeybook and studio ninja ( my study is strictly from a business POV not actually delivering i.e ( editing videos, sending to clients etc ) things that push the needle ( marketing, reviews, word of mouth ) ETC )
Could you share with me for example,
what you would prefer if you were looking to grow your photography business
​
1) All in one tool where you can manage your social media ( Facebook, insta ), Follow up on inquires automatically also with AI so you can sift through shitty ones and save time, Build workflows that automatically ask for referrals on your behalf so you don't have to remember,
sending personalized messages a year after you shot your clients weddings, Basically all the things that you know you should be doing but because if your hectic schedule it's a bit difficult to fit in and be constant with it building your reviews and testimonials
which will make your life easier with trying to get into the big venues and get better clients not to mention save you so much money rather than hiring an agency to do it and paying between 10-20k yearly
OR
2) Have an outside agency or person handle all those things for you white glove service style where you pay 10-20k yearly but you have the same benefit as the tool but with an element of human error but you'd also get the benefits of having a human eye as well as an extra set of hands for customer service
​
I want to gather accurate info and see what you guys deal with on a day to day and what areas you'd like to improve
​
​
View Poll

I'm reading posts about Nexon struggling with their finances and the game having less players than their expectations, so my aim in this post is to all of us have some good feedbacks and discussions to how to make the game better.
I reached in Discord feedback channels but most of the times my feedbacks got buried by other's balance feedbacks. Here I want to discuss more potential game changing feedbacks that might help the developers get better vision and ideas for their game. I love the game and how much developers and their marketing team respect us with their good pricing and free skin giveaways so I want to give back to them.
I invite others to upvote good feedbacks and discuss new mechanics and possible solutions to game's low population (in publisher's eyes). I don't think balance issues should be discussed here cause we already discussed them a lot.
As others mentioned I don't think the game has monetization problems cause I've seen my friends and me all paying for skins without feeling ripped off and love to pay for their great skins and the game has the most reasonable price to quality for cosmetics in the whole PvP shooters I've seen.
Here is some of my feedback discussions:

Photo Mode and Replays:

One huge feature that I think would change is photo mode. But to have photo mode in middle of the game you can't have it without replays cause of the nature of the game being online.
One simple suggestion I have is to add a prototype photo mode in loudouts. I love to change the pose of my character based on game animations or already in game expressions. It would be great to have a timeline of the animation so we can pause the animation in a specific time and take a photo with nice filters, effects or even different lightning if it's possible. I mention lightning cause Finals lightning is the most astonishing lighting I've seen specially on shiny guns. It should have camera movement, zoom, focus and the usuals of photo modes.
Doing this can result in better advertisement of the game from players using photos for their profiles or even wallpapers or YouTube thumbnails and it will help us advertise the game ourselves or just simply enjoy the details of the game graphics.

Non-Objective Game Modes:

Another discussed topic is to make the game have Team Deathmatch or just Deathmatch for newer players to experience the game without the stress of objectives and necessarily committing to a goal and just get experienced with weapons and gadgets or any other game mode that just gives players cash (game points) for just killing and not completing objectives (like depositing). A gun game mode could be fun, just guns switch after killing and at the end we have dagger only weapon. Doing this requires smaller maps that I will discuss in the next part.

Smaller Maps or Limited Play Area:

Most of The Finals maps are pretty big with repeated buildings and shapes, it is understandable as design point cause it will make use of reusing same premade objects that helps the game with performance and lower disc space along with less development times. My suggestions is to either make smaller maps that I understand takes a lot of time, map design is not an easy task, for this reason other solution is to limit the play area to smaller sections (it can be easily added by the lore that CNS corrupted the map data and things like that). Doing so would cause another problem that is the destruction of the buildings and map can make the map look flat after destroying the objects. A solution I have to this is to add some interactable objects that would reconstruct the buildings or some part of the map with added cooldown. Doing this my cause some physics problems but another solution to this is repel (knockout) the players out of that area and reconstruct the building so it would prevent players getting stuck somewhere on the reconstructed part.
It would be great if mods could help me with this post and reach out to developers for better visibility. I highly suggest others discuss about these or their own game changing feedbacks to help the game become better. We are a community and a group that I'm sure most of us love the game and want to see it succeed. As always be civil and don't argue with others feedback without good reasoning.
Edit: added gun game mode suggestion.

Was talking to a coworker of mine today that I went to high school with. We're both 25 for reference, she's a girl and I'm a guy.
It all started when she for whatever reason brought up Tate McRae and complained about how many guys online call her hot. "She's only 20, that's sort of a baby" is what I she said. I then pressed her and asked if she's rather have sex with a hot 20 year old football player or an out of shape, balding 29 year old. Her response: "obviously the second one because he can actually consent and dad bods are hot". By the way this chick has only ever dated jocks and frat boys with sub 15% body fat. She then asked me the same question reversed for gender, it was something like "20 year old sorority chick or slightly below average 29 year old" as if that's supposed to be a trick question. She did not like my answer when I said the first one.
I'm sorry but that has to be cap. 18-23 year olds of both genders are hot. The difference is dudes are honest about it and don't try to moralize everything. I understand that women take a lot of things into consideration when it comes to dating. But for attraction and sex, I straight up do not believe that they wouldn't do the handsome 6'0 19 y/o college bartender if they had the chance.
Girls, it's ok. Free yourselves, give into your desires and go hit up some 22 year old stud for a good time.

Successor : u/Intel81994
Hi,
I first found this subreddit and Neville's works in 2018 so I thought I'd share my success/experiences.
I've never posted here, only lurked... daily. I often see people post tiny wins in here like manifesting a test result or a few hundred dollars. I don't see many huge wins except occasionally, or multi-year life changing creations.
Well, I'm not where I want to be bc my goals have gotten a lot bigger, but I've come a long way and finding this work in 2018 changed my life so I want to share with you how.
Not to discourage, but small wins are nothing compared to the deep life changes and incredible abundance you can create in knowing who you really are - just think - there are people out there, several, who own $10M+ houses, multi-millionaires, many came from nothing.
I'm not saying that's the only thing worth striving for or even the source of joy, of course. But my point is anything you want, someone else out there has done it, they are just humans like myself and you.
So here's how my life turned around since 2018 and what I created. The HOW I did so is no different than what you already read on this sub every day.
Neville has been my favorite teacher and this is the MAIN sub I have read over the last few years. I own all of his books and have read them several times.
I regard his methods as most influential for me. This may come off as some motivational story but truth is I use Neville's methods daily and always try to understand and control my beliefs to grow.
Here is how my life changed completely after DOING the work:

• MONEY/TRAVEL : I went from -50k in debt running my own online fitness coaching business at my lowest point not knowing how I would pay rent (long story but I was young and not skilled enough in business at this time to really build a team and 7 figure business like I wanted),

to acquiring amazing skills being an intrapreneur working in a small startup online with a terrific mentor (I manifested this exact position with SATS), traveled the world a crazy amount in the exact places I had wanted to and met a ton of cool people (SATS), over 27 countries now, and grew my net worth to over 250k from 2018-2021.
To my current goals, this is really nothing now and I now surround myself with people doing a ton more than me. So I'm not preaching here, it's just levels to the game right.
I now work professionally in the crypto industry, but also have skills and knowledge to a few types of online businesses in the consulting & marketing space, as well as make money from markets/trading, which is a great vehicle because there are effectively no limits.
I can live anywhere I want, have plenty of cushion and money to live mostly how I want (have larger goals now), have time freedom as well, and most of all, love growth and feel great striving for more. I did SATS to get my current gig.
I've also been trading the last 2 years and no it's not easy, in fact you're competing against algorithms and the best minds in the world so the learning curve is quite steep.
Trading is not easy money, but the potential is there. Besides, trading is just one vehicle, it's not value-additive to the market like businesses are, so I believe it's best used in conjunction with a business/job, and investing longer term is better.
Anyway I turned <40k into ~350K in crypto, and a separate stock portfolio last year.
And yes a lot of that crypto growth was market timing and luck with everything going on, monetary policy and all, and I know people who turned less into several million and also plenty who got liquidated and lost millions. I still spent a lot of time and skill to create that, point is I created all of it in various forms.

• FITNESS/HEALTH: I achieved a more fit and better body than 98% of men have. This was a result of hard work plus these methods and was in 2018 when I decided to undergo a bodybuilding prep for a photoshoot. Great size, leanness, abs, I had been lifting for years but never gotten this in shape.

It was not easy, but I looked incredible, and the exact city/water background scene I had visualized for the photos happened. You can scroll to my IG posts from early 2018 for pics proof.
My health is impeccable and I've for sure made other physical changes, and I think I somehow changed my gf's looks to become better over time too. She was always quite cute though. I'm still very much in shape but now do yoga daily for last few years, as well as lifting.

• LOCATION/LIVING: I manifested the EXACT view I used to visualize in the center of my major city, with a gorgeous view of the ocean and city both, for a great price and have lived here for last 3 years now. In a luxury high rise. I can see ships and yachts right outside my balcony every day. It's literally grander than I even knew to imagine just 5 years ago.
  
• MORE FINANCE: Over the last 2 years my investments and more were doing so well sometimes - not always - that I often was able to have some months making 20-40k, point is I was not worried about work.
  

I also believe parallel realities are real and I used to visualize Bitcoin going to 50k back in 2019 when it had stayed below <10k for 2 years. This was not all due to bitcoin, but rather all sorts of investments, but yes crypto as well.
Some was luck, some was skill and work. All was my creation. I also got quite decent at trading and managing a portfolio that I not only managed to publicly call the exact day of the market TOP in november 2021 but also sniped the bottom in July. Intuition plus knowledge.
So I kept this money, it is not bleeding out in my portfolio with the market. I've devoted a LOT into mastering this craft but again, self concept and Neville helped.
I got hacked for 60k-70k a few months back and chose to give it new meaning and manifested a career change to crypto industry, landing a position making over 10k per month (I'm not happy with this at my current standards of income, but I'm grateful), that I am growing to 20k per month of active income now with other streams.
What's interesting in my recent career manifestation is I decided I want a position that basically pays me to do what I already do (I was independently researching and managing a multi-6 figure crypto portfolio... over a quarter million dollars combined money that I was managing. )
I now get paid a full time 6 fig salary to do nothing extra from what I was already doing and barely work on the actual job with plenty of time for other stuff.
I just decided it was done and that's it. Also of course it's remote... knowing what I know, I will only consider remote jobs (never worked in a physical office and I've actually never had a w2 job before this, always doing sales and stuff or my own thing).
I have been working on increasing my standard to 25k per month minimum of active income generation. Had a lot of ideas come through. I’m just not the type to have a job I think but I have to figure out what I can build again.
Compared to who I want to be at a later date that’s also nothing much. Again, levels to the game.
Now also working on growing a business in this space. This hack event was pretty traumatic but I now see how I 100% manifested it. And I can choose to also create something far greater out of the event now.
With every job I've ever had, I've never worked in an office. I've only ever been remote or online because this is the only thing I was willing to accept. Being a digital nomad has been my norm since I graduated college.
Be specific in what you want and do not settle.
I went to a top 5 US public university and even manifested myself to lead a large pre-med club on campus (I was a pre med student) before I knew Neville. I'm now very glad I chose to go my own route instead of medicine for several reasons beyond scope of this post but anyway.

• SP: Manifested my SP (gf) back in 2018 and we have a great relationship going on 6 years now (together since 2016). I focus more on self love and feeling I AM God rather than seeking it externally. My consciousness and inner connection is my source of sustenance.
  
• Honestly there are so many other crazy little things I can't possibly keep track. Every day I have synchronicities like crazy still. I don't give them much meaning but just take it to mean that I am aligned.
  

My best mental model/tips

• Delude yourself into knowing that imagination is MORE real than the 3d. The 3d is 'old news.' Meaning it's a shadow world. The real creation is happening in your imagination, and there is a time lag in this physical world.

Live in your imagination and tune out anything that does not serve keeping you in an optimal state where you feel in control. The more you focus on things that are meant to distract you or displease you, which state do you create from?

• I do SATS during the day, works fine for me, I don't think it matters much if day/night, but you need to do it. Follow a guided hypnosis session to get deeper into trance first if it helps.
  
• Act and trust deeply that life is leading you to what you want, and the meaning you give to events is literally what molds your future. Choose empowering meanings. Stop being a victim.
  

Make a resolve to never think of yourself as a victim of forces out there, the economy, evil people, whatever it is. You want to control your reality then act like it internally.

• Make a daily routine checklist and stick to it so you internally feel in control of your reality. Mine is: SATS or revision, meditate or breathwork, EFT or writing, cold shower, no phone in the morning, wake at 6am, and of course I exercise daily in some form. I use a spreadsheet to make sure I hit my routines for the day so I don't be a victim but rather stay in control. This is critical for me.
  
• As long as you occupy the realms of consciousness that you want, the result WILL come via downloads and hunches and thoughts, and insane physical things will happen that will 'seem like it would have happened anyway' so don't worry about the how.
  

Random Musings
The thing with manifesting is we sometimes take a passive route and wait for things to happen to us (and sure this is fine and still works), but think- if you don't grow your mental, emotional, skills container to deal with large amounts of money, or a team, or skills to sell and market and manage money... if you suddenly get 500K or 1M, how are you going to hold on to it?
If you lack personal power and execution skills, say you suddenly win 5M from the lottery, do you have the skills to keep it and make decisions at a level that can fluctuate several millions? It's stressful and requires thinking completely differently.
You have to 'stress test' your consciousness and expand your container.
I know that because I got hacked (stolen) ~70k it means nothing because the version of me who makes multi-7 figures a year deals with fluctuations of multi-6 figures in his portfolio all the time, it's part of the game. and I HAVE dealt with 6 figure fluctuations in my portfolio before this hack so it wasn't super new in that sense.
You know time is not real, it's all happening now, Creation is already finished, so you should also know that the way to 'hack' time is making decisions from a place of the future version of yourself you already are.
Make a commitment to stop playing small and settling for crumbs. Why would you get hung up on the one limited way your ego thinks that abundance has to manifest in your life, or love, instead of just feeling the emotions themselves, knowing it's done, and letting your life color it in in grander ways than you could have imagined.
Funny little manifestations and things happen literally every day that I just take it as reflections of me being in my creative power.
Something crazy/funny that happened was on our last trip, I told my girlfriend 'hey, how funny and weird would it be to see a parrot meowing?' - then next day we sit at a cafe and there is a parrot in a cage outside, meowing loudly. The most bizarre manifestation, I didn't even intend for it, just asked hey would it not be funny. Things like this happen so often, I can't keep track.
There is nothing new to learn. Just do the techniques and do self care rituals and get lost in your work. Feel the feeling of utter abundance and freedom now and it will happen.
We live in an advanced economy with the internet, it has never been easier to start or fund a business compared to even 50 years ago (see interest rates), distribution has never been easier, so if you know these tools, why would you not create the biggest dream you can imagine? Why settle for a free $200?
I realize there are levels people go through however so I don't mean to belittle, but now that I have been through so much and grown, I know there is nothing separating myself from multi millions and VC's and creators of large companies except belief, work, and time in this reality.
I have the knowledge, belief, and skills to not need a job if I don't want one. I can instead offer something to the market and be independent.
I'm telling you this stuff works and is sustainable. You can be as specific as you want and get whatever you want, and trust that with the turns life takes you through, it is a BRIDGE meant to turn you into the person to get and sustain what you say you want. Decide it and it is so.
I am someone who is a first generation American immigrant, my parents moved to the US from India when I was 5 and we had very little here. I grew up 'lower' middle class, and didn't have the best money programming from parents, but I always did well in school.
I KNOW I am going to be the first multi millionaire in my family. It's all in how you think about yourself/self concept and the work you do from that mindset. Do actions and shift your environment in accordance with who you want to be.
I always splurge on self care now and do things like fly business class or pay more for a better room because that's who I internally am. Just find a way to produce more and let it flow instead of shrinking yourself to be someone you’re not in your 4D
I don't try to scrimp and penny pinch, I let money flow. Even though getting stolen 70k was traumatic, oh well, I chose to give it a better, empowering meaning and my reality shifted.
That's all I have to say. Do the work. Stop procrastinating with learning. All the teachers, scripture, it's all the same Truth at the core. Learning is fine because you learn different mental models at different points of your life but you need to do the work.
I've been fortunate to not only have explored TONS of teachers and books in this realm, you name it I've probably read it or have a copy, I've also HAD mentors and WORKED directly under multi millionaires older and more experienced than me who know this work very well and knew Neville specifically, and it's the real deal. I did sales for someone in the online coaching space was was very well off and had decades of success and spoke of Neville very often, it was really cool.
Proof of the Law
I don't know what more proof you need that the Law is real. All religions throughout eternity have known this, Neville just distilled the same Truth through his own methods that work really well in my opinion and I personally love his interpretation of scripture.
The most successful people in the world are usually consciously (and some unconsciously) doing these same actions. Just do the work and focus on it coming from a good place of knowing that it's done. You don't need to know HOW but you just need to know the plane is going to somehow land one day.
I just come back to Neville every time, because his methods are simple and philosophies work well for how I think. I've done tons of psychedelic mushrooms over the years which luckily made me very open to this sort of thinking, before that I was very rigid and too '3d scientific' minded in my thinking. Keep in mind there is actually nothing 'unscientific' about the Law... modern science has its own limitations in that we cannot measure many things.
What used to be called magic in years past is now under the realm of science right? I'm not saying I don't value logic and science... I have a science degree from a top 5 university.
I'm just saying your ego mind which wants to keep you stuck and surviving uses the excuse of logic and science when that's actually not the full scope of how reality works, we are incredibly limited in our conscious understanding of reality.... we don't even know what we're doing here on a floating rock in infinite space and we can hardly see much of the light spectrum as it is.
So remember that when your ego tries to believe in your limitations and the 3d reality only. You being here is magic that even the most advanced science does not know the answer to. Do scientists know fundamentally why there is something at all instead of nothing?
Anyway, one more thing is I've never been shy of making relatively bold and fast decisions, investing in a mentor (for business) and just generally betting on myself.
Because getting around people who think bigger than you and don't settle is a hack and it's worth every penny. There is a reason millionaires hang with other millionaires.
I'm not saying to cut people out of your life (unless toxic) but rather to seek proximity and get around winners or pay to join some mastermind in business or whatever you need to do to network in your realm.
Just last week I invested 7.5k for get into a network of high performing young male entrepreneurs just because I want a better network in real life and work on business tactics and execution. When I was 23 I invested 25k that I did not have at the time (I made it happen and earned it back) to get a business mentor. So I use all of this in combo with Neville's methods primarily. I really like revision method as well.
The act of DECISION literally creates a parallel reality and becomes the new bridge to your manifestation.

Hi! I’m a little new to this. I was gifted two gardyn systems and some of the add on’s by my mom coworker after she couldn’t sell them online. I started the germination stage last Friday in the gardyn nursery. At the time neither system was set up, so I set them on my counter over night and that morning set them on my back porch to get some sunlight. By Saturday afternoon one of the systems was set up (it was then in that moment I realized one system was more than enough for me and shared the kindness with someone else who would use it😂) and I had set it to germination mode and the seeds have been sitting on the water tank in front of the lights. I followed all the directions for germination, but I haven’t noticed any activity in my nursery. I know time can vary but I wanted to use this as a good reason to ask you guys for any and all advice you have for using the system, germination, and everything in between! I have mild gardening experience (It’s my second year growing my own plants and experimenting with it, so still very new) but no hydroponics experience so anything you could give me tips on is very welcome!! And please feel free to let me know any mistakes I’ve made and how to do better! TIA!

Okay, so we are going to be publishing an annual anthology in a limited edition of 500 hardcover copies, with the stories, poems and other art/writing to be taken from several different communities and from different prompted opportunities, one of which will be the monthly contest winners from our brand new contest!
There will be plenty of details leading up to the first of many different ways to get into that publication, and check back to find out the process, deadlines, rewards, and how you are going to become a published writer sooner than you thought!
There will be two groups that can enter, and there are rewards that include:

• social media badges

-special recognition on our website, subreddit flair, and a featured interview in our email newsletter, as well as other promotion that gives attention to your work.
-certificate of recognition
-cash prize(from $25-$500!)
-swag(t-shirt, button, stickers and other cool stuff)
-the other cool stuff to be announced soon!
We will select a short story, a poem/Prose/lyrics piece, and a piece of artwork every month. These will be from two groups - ages 6-17 and ages 18+. They will be published online and in the annual anthology, which will be released in January of 2025 .
We will also have an annual contest that selects the cover art from the previous 24 winners from the twelve months prior to it's publication, as well as a Novel/Novel in Progress that will be considered for publication as well as win a $500 cash prize.
The monthly contest will reward each winning entery with $25 for the 6-17 year old age group and $100 for the 18+ age group.
Guidelines, deadlines, and how to enter free of charge will be announced shortly. This is a collaborative effort between this subreddit, ECES, LLC, and Gurl Think Tank. We are working with other potential sponsors at this time and we will provide as much information as possible prior to opening the submission portal.
You don't have to be a member of this subreddit, but it will be helpful should you desire the feedback and the most up to date information on this and other contests that we plan to offer.
This is not a drill! Stay tuned for the first monthly contest and get to work on something that you think will be a winner 🏆!!!

My name is Elouise and I am a student at University of Nevada - Las Vegas. I am currently a research assistant for a dissertation study at Fielding Graduate University conducted by Julia Catlin, Ph.D. Candidate in Clinical Psychology. The study is titled “Exploring the Effects of Secure Base Script Knowledge and Reflective Functioning on Rejection Sensitivity in Adults.” Basically, we are interested in studying attachment and relationships.
You are invited to participate in this study. Participation will involve two parts: 1) completion of a 15-20-minute background questionnaire and 2) a 20–30-minute virtual interview on Google Meets.
Please complete the Informed Consent agreement and background questionnaire before the interview. The total time required for participation is 30-50 minutes.

Inclusion Criteria:

• 18+ years old
• In a relationship
• Fluent in English
• Willing/able to complete a two-part study, including a brief video interview and online background questionnaire.
• Military, Long-Distance Relationships, 2SLGBTQIIA+, and ENM/Poly all encouraged to participate.

IMPORTANT – Please Read

This is a two-part study. Part 1 involves completion of an online questionnaire. Part 2 involves an interview with a research assistant. Please e-mail [elouise@calm.science](mailto:elouise@calm.science) to schedule an interview time. Note: If you do not complete both parts of the study, you will be excluded from the study due to incomplete participant data.

Confidentiality:

The confidentiality of each participant will be maintained through the use of pseudonyms, removal of identifiable information from transcripts, and all study materials will be stored in locked and password-protected spaces. Recruitment is expected to begin on August 21, 2023, and will continue until July 30, 2024.

Your Participation is Voluntary:

Participation is voluntary, and participants may withdraw from the study at any time without consequence. Informed consent procedures will be followed. It is not anticipated that participants will experience any harm or distress by participating in this research. Participants will be provided with resources to contact if discomfort occurs as a result of participating.

How It Works:

If you are interested and meet criteria for the study, click the link below to begin the informed consent and background questionnaire:
https://fielding.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3rAOoyLmNvbQDKm
If you are aligned with Survey Circle, you can use the link below to earn points:
https://www.surveycircle.com/en/survey/CHF2XY/
Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. If you are unable to participate, we would appreciate sharing to those who can. We would be happy to address any questions or concerns you might have. If you have any questions regarding your interview scheduling or need an alternative interview time, please contact one of the research assistants below.
Elouise Vasquez, Research Assistant University of Nevada – Las Vegas [elouise@calm.science](mailto:elouise@calm.science)
Ariadna Gutierrez, Research Assistant University of Nevada – Las Vegas [ariadna@calm.science](mailto:ariadna@calm.science)
Julia Catlin, Ph.D. Candidate, Principal Investigator Fielding Graduate University [jcatlin@fielding.edu](mailto:jcatlin@fielding.edu)

When I was around 13 years old, I was a young stupid teenager, and hanging out with my friends, and we were all saying inflammatory things, and I said, "Yeah, if I turn 30, and I haven't accomplished anything, I'll probably just kill myself." It was an awful thing to say, and I can't believe I said it.
Well, I turned 29. I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus, God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and suffered deeply in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking.
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...

I was a homeschooled only child, raised in a QAnon/conspiracy theorist household. It was just a recipe for disaster, and I’ve slowly been trying to put the pieces together to figure things out.
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.

I don't think I speak for the majority of this subreddit but I have been encountering a lot more "agency owners" who fell into the YouTube guru trap and instead of actually getting free certifications from platforms, they give away all their money to those gurus.
This post is my attempt to stear those people into the right direction before spending all of their money.
Whenever a new "agency owner" (or someone looking to start an agency) asks me about where to start for learning ads (doesn't matter which platform, Google, Facebook, etc), they seem dumbfounded when I tell them that Google and Meta have FREE ad courses where they teach you how to run ads on their own platform AND you get a certification from Google and Meta.
Why does everyone immediately jump to YouTube and start giving these gurus their money without even taking the free courses and getting certified?
I think one of the biggest issues I have with wannabe agency owners is they want to own and operate an agency and are willing to "learn" what it takes to own a successful agency, but when I tell them what it takes is actually learning how to perform the service you sell, it falls on deaf ears.
I'll tell you this right now, if you're not actually willing to learn and become an expert in the service you're selling, you're not going to make it. You're going to be another one of the thousands of people who gave a YouTube guru money with the hopes of one day being a millionaire only to eventually turn to crypto day trading scams.
And just to show that I'm not only just ranting... here...
Here are actual FREE courses FROM Google and Meta on how to run any type of ads on their platform AND get certified by them:Google:

• E-Commerce & Digital Marketing Certification
• All Google Ads Certifications
• Google Analytics Certification
• Google Tag Manager Fundamentals Course

**I put all of these Google courses on here because regardless of which platform you use to run ads or market, knowing and understanding analytics and conversion tracking within Google Analytics (especially using Tag Manager) is extremely important for any agency looking to actually prove value/ROI to their clients.Facebook/Instagram:

• Meta Blueprint Certification

**This has literally everything you need to know about Facebook & Instagram marketing. Organic, paid, video, AI, etc.TikTok:

• TikTok Academy

**I included this one just to show that you really can just Google "[platform] ad certification/course/academy" and find a free set of courses FROM the actual platform for FREE.Hubspot:

• Hubspot Academy

**Finally, Hubspot Academy isn't platform-specific. But there are a TON of courses and certifications here ranging from inbound marketing to content marketing, and even email marketing and SEO.
ALL FREE.
Lastly, I'll say that there is a time and place for paid courses from other agency owners and experienced coaches. But AFTER you do the research yourself and take some basic-level free certifications from actual platforms.
Creator courses are fine if you're looking to get deeper information but there isn't a need to start there.
One thing paid creator courses can teach you is how to run an agency from a business perspective. But 9x out of 10, executing the actual ads can be found in free courses.

Is there a Bootstraps competition where the show sets the boomer in the wild and then manipulates their lives with everyday BS to see how they do on their own? And they have to live as a 26 year old. No free and reduced healthcare for them in this situation.
I want to see a producer set a boomer out on the street in a city with a university thats big enough to have jobs (bigger than a college town). They get just enough for the deposit and the half the rent maybe? Maybe find a place to live and set them up with a normal retail or service job. And then cut to the reality show interview of them for updates on how it's going, prospects for better job, etc.
So much ripe entertainment potential here because so many job applications and interviewing are done online -- some with an AI asking the questions and cutting off the answers with another question. It's just horridly difficult for anyone now and I don't think they have a clue or the gumption to do it and I want to watch them try!
You know their government healthcare won't work because they only get the benefits a healthy 26 year old gets, which they discover as they need a refill. I would like to watch the pharmacy scene. There are a lot of scenes I'd like to watch. Receives a student loan statement scene.
Where is this show?

LAS VEGAS BABY! Y'all know what that means.
Cocaine and hookers! Jerry's favorite!
But unfortunately it's not 1979 and Boston George isn't flying in the good shit. There could be dangerous FENTANYL contamination in your little baggie of booger sugar!
As someone who has fallen victim to tainted product at a show, I felt a need to put out a little PSA - testing is CHEAP and EASY!
Here is a link for FREE test strips: https://nvopioidresponse.org/fentanyl-testing-strip-finde There's a bunch of locations on and around the strip! It won't be too hard to hunt some down.
If you are in a hurry, it looks like CVS carries them as well: https://www.cvs.com/shop/drugcheck-fentanyl-test-strip-10-ct-prodid-181957
If you'd like to be prepared for future events, check out EndOverdose for free Naloxone/Narcan training. You get a couple free test strips AND free Narcan for completing a short, free online training course. https://endoverdose.net/
Please, PLEASE, **PLEASE** do not put any untested powders up your nostrils (or pills in your bellies!) these next few months. Las Vegas is notorious for contaminated substances. You never know how close you are to an overdose until it happens to you.
Keep an eye on your fellow Deadheads too - if you see anyone drop, get a medic! You might just save someone's life.
Love y'all, have fun, bet it all on 17, and don't do anything I would do!
P.S. - Somewhat related - it's illegal to open a cannabis dispensary within two blocks of the strip. Don't fall victim to the sketchy hemp vendors trying to get you to smoke Bob-knows-what. Pretty easy to Uber to a real shop if you need it.

I (male) posted about this "friend" (male) before however I only went into details about a specific event. This time, I am going to be broader:
Basically, this person (who came from out of town) approached my friend and I wanting to hang out and go drink in the same plaza. We soon become friends and he was pretty cool.
However, as time passed (About 1 and a half years of hanging out), I noticed a slew of strange events that seem like an odd set up was happening. I couldn't place my finger on it at the time but here is how it went.

1. He started to face time me with friends that I knew a long time ago. He was counties away, it's strange he suddenly became very close with some people I know. His targets were people I associate with on there from time to time but not my close circle who would have informed me right away. Yet every time he called me out to a bar, he'd bring someone from my facebook. Instead of these people I know being friendly, they often somehow get angry with me.
2. He brought strangers that also seemed pissed off at me. They would have pissed off face and talk extra loudly when I talk to them. Yet made it friendly with other people I am with.
3. He has a wife and began telling her that he'd hang out with a buddy all night and often use my name to cover up his shenanigans whatever he was doing. His wife began calling me getting mad that we'd hang out late and I'd just say sorry don't know what she is talking about. There was a bit of a language barrier with his wife, but I guess she thinks I was just with him.
4. He used a picture of me to try and get online escorts because he was afraid, they might had been undercover police. (I found out because at the time I was getting prank/spam phone calls day and night I called up this other friend saying I was angry at that but before he knew the reason, he thought it was the escort thing)
5. Low jabs on what he should not know about. Say for example I was working a trade job with a vary of hourly wage. He'd guess that hourly wage. Make fun of me for doing a chore he shouldn't know I did at the house.
6. I finally decide to cut him off once and for all after he called me to hang out and kept on cutting me off when the waitress asks me a question. Then he called another guy in who took the pack of cigs that he bought for me to smoke. I believe he was trying to set up a fight.

A lot of people say he's out there to try and get me into some kind of trouble. The reason why would be up for debate. What do you guys think?

Live Music

• Jim Lamb, Mill Top Tavern, 12:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Smokin' Joe Schauer, Backyard Island Cafe at Meehan's, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Vinny Jacobs, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Alexis Peramas, Pierre's Pub, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Chubby McG, Conch House Marina Resort, 5:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Trevor Compton, St. Augustine Shores Golf Club, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
• Fond Kiser, Oasis Deck & Restaurant, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Rob Peck, Fuzion 904 Eatery, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Alex Richman, Fuzion 904 Eatery, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Dewey Via, Cimarrone Golf Club, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Bob Patterson, O.C. White's Seafood, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Ramona the Duo, Prohibition Kitchen, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Dion & Collins, Borrillo's Pizzeria & Beer Garden, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• ZaZa Flamenca, World Music with Yael Zaza Flamenca, 7:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Chillula, Bar with No Name, 10:00 pm – 1:00 am

Wednesday Pier Farmers Market

• The Wednesday Pier Farmers Market at the St. Johns County Pier offers fresh fruit, vegetables, bread, and local arts and crafts every week. With a number of different vendors, visitors can find a variety of unique, quality goods. Each item is handcrafted by these dedicated artists, and the food is locally grown and handpicked.
• This beachside farmers market makes for a great outing on Wednesday mornings. Visitors can browse the huge selection of locally grown goods and then afterward take a stroll along scenic St. Augustine Beach. Farmers markets boost the local economy by giving local merchants an outlet to sell their wares. They also benefit the community by offering fresh, local, seasonal foods.
• Admission: FREE
• When: 8:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. every Wednesday
• Where: St. Johns County Pier Park is located at the St. Johns County Ocean Pier at 350 A1A Beach Blvd in St. Augustine Beach, Florida 32080

Boozin' on the Boulevard

• Boozin' on the Boulevard takes guests on a hop-on hop-off service to some of the local restaurants on Anastasia Island.
• This bar crawl begins at Kaiser's Deli & Market and Sogno Restaurant from 5:00 to 6:00 p.m. Guests will then be taken to Blackfly and Odd Birds Cocktail Lounge and Kitchen from 6:00 to 7:00 p.m. The tour will end at Candlelight South at 8:00 p.m.
• Each eatery will have food and drink specials — individuals must purchase a drink first from Kaiser's or Sogno Restaurant to receive a wristband. This band enables entry onto the Old Town Connect bus — a free transportation service for participants.
• Admission: Food and drink prices vary at each establishment. Transportation is provided by Old Town Connect once a drink is purchased at Kaiser's Deli or Sogno Restaurant.
• When: Every Thursday from 5:00 to 8:00 p.m. Note: Dates and times could be adjusted based on the number of sign-ups.
• Where: Starts at Kaiser's Deli & Market at 4 White Street East, St. Augustine, Florida 32080.

St. Augustine Wine Walk

• On the third Thursday of each month from 6:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m., Casa de Vino 57, hosts a wine-tasting walk. The tour visits several local shops, with wine tastings at each location, and ends with a return to Case de Vino 57 for a glass of wine in the courtyard. Tickets are $35.00 and are availble on their website or Facebook page.
• Casa de Vino 57, both a wine shop and a venue, offers boutique wines and charcuterie to guests in their courtyard, where they can enjoy live music from local performers.
• Admission: $35.00 per person.
• When: The third Thursday of each month from 6:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.
• Where: 57 Treasury Street in historic downtown St. Augustine.

Bo Johnson at Cafe Eleven

• Café Eleven welcomes comedian Bo Johnson on Thursday, May 16, 2024, at 8:00 p.m. Doors open at 7:00 p.m.
• Seattle native Bo Johnson makes waves in the comedy circuit by amassing millions of views on TikTok and gaining recognition for his stand-up routines on Netflix and Comedy Central. Touring across the United States and beyond, Bo headlined prestigious festivals like Bumbershoot, Prize Fest, SF Sketchfest, and more.
• Johnson's hilarious antics and routines continue to earn him rave reviews from major media outlets such as Cosmopolitan.
• Admission: VIP tickets cost $25.00 if purchased in advance and $35.00 on the day of the show. General admission seating costs $20.00 in advance and $25.00 on the day of the show. Purchase tickets in advance online or purchase them at Café Eleven on the day of the show.
• When: Thursday, May 16, 2024, at 8:00 p.m. Doors open at 7:00 p.m.
• Where: Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd, St. Augustine, Florida 32080. On the corner of A1A and 11th Street, one block from St. Augustine Beach.

Historic Architectural Review Board Meeting

Date: May 16, 2024
Time: 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
Where: Alcazar Room at City Hall, 75 King Street
I am unable to post the sources because they are getting flagged as spam since they are all similar in name. So please visit this site for the list.
Written out urls here tinyurl.com/yjkw32kd

For future events please visit the Discord.

https://discord.gg/NG4eZSWAgR

Live Music

• Jim Lamb, Mill Top Tavern, 12:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Smokin' Joe Schauer, Backyard Island Cafe at Meehan's, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Vinny Jacobs, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Alexis Peramas, Pierre's Pub, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Chubby McG, Conch House Marina Resort, 5:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Trevor Compton, St. Augustine Shores Golf Club, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
• Fond Kiser, Oasis Deck & Restaurant, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Rob Peck, Fuzion 904 Eatery, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Alex Richman, Fuzion 904 Eatery, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Dewey Via, Cimarrone Golf Club, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Bob Patterson, O.C. White's Seafood, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Ramona the Duo, Prohibition Kitchen, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Dion & Collins, Borrillo's Pizzeria & Beer Garden, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• ZaZa Flamenca, World Music with Yael Zaza Flamenca, 7:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Chillula, Bar with No Name, 10:00 pm – 1:00 am

Wednesday Pier Farmers Market

• The Wednesday Pier Farmers Market at the St. Johns County Pier offers fresh fruit, vegetables, bread, and local arts and crafts every week. With a number of different vendors, visitors can find a variety of unique, quality goods. Each item is handcrafted by these dedicated artists, and the food is locally grown and handpicked.
• This beachside farmers market makes for a great outing on Wednesday mornings. Visitors can browse the huge selection of locally grown goods and then afterward take a stroll along scenic St. Augustine Beach. Farmers markets boost the local economy by giving local merchants an outlet to sell their wares. They also benefit the community by offering fresh, local, seasonal foods.
• Admission: FREE
• When: 8:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. every Wednesday
• Where: St. Johns County Pier Park is located at the St. Johns County Ocean Pier at 350 A1A Beach Blvd in St. Augustine Beach, Florida 32080

Boozin' on the Boulevard

• Boozin' on the Boulevard takes guests on a hop-on hop-off service to some of the local restaurants on Anastasia Island.
• This bar crawl begins at Kaiser's Deli & Market and Sogno Restaurant from 5:00 to 6:00 p.m. Guests will then be taken to Blackfly and Odd Birds Cocktail Lounge and Kitchen from 6:00 to 7:00 p.m. The tour will end at Candlelight South at 8:00 p.m.
• Each eatery will have food and drink specials — individuals must purchase a drink first from Kaiser's or Sogno Restaurant to receive a wristband. This band enables entry onto the Old Town Connect bus — a free transportation service for participants.
• Admission: Food and drink prices vary at each establishment. Transportation is provided by Old Town Connect once a drink is purchased at Kaiser's Deli or Sogno Restaurant.
• When: Every Thursday from 5:00 to 8:00 p.m. Note: Dates and times could be adjusted based on the number of sign-ups.
• Where: Starts at Kaiser's Deli & Market at 4 White Street East, St. Augustine, Florida 32080.

St. Augustine Wine Walk

• On the third Thursday of each month from 6:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m., Casa de Vino 57, hosts a wine-tasting walk. The tour visits several local shops, with wine tastings at each location, and ends with a return to Case de Vino 57 for a glass of wine in the courtyard. Tickets are $35.00 and are availble on their website or Facebook page.
• Casa de Vino 57, both a wine shop and a venue, offers boutique wines and charcuterie to guests in their courtyard, where they can enjoy live music from local performers.
• Admission: $35.00 per person.
• When: The third Thursday of each month from 6:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.
• Where: 57 Treasury Street in historic downtown St. Augustine.

Bo Johnson at Cafe Eleven

• Café Eleven welcomes comedian Bo Johnson on Thursday, May 16, 2024, at 8:00 p.m. Doors open at 7:00 p.m.
• Seattle native Bo Johnson makes waves in the comedy circuit by amassing millions of views on TikTok and gaining recognition for his stand-up routines on Netflix and Comedy Central. Touring across the United States and beyond, Bo headlined prestigious festivals like Bumbershoot, Prize Fest, SF Sketchfest, and more.
• Johnson's hilarious antics and routines continue to earn him rave reviews from major media outlets such as Cosmopolitan.
• Admission: VIP tickets cost $25.00 if purchased in advance and $35.00 on the day of the show. General admission seating costs $20.00 in advance and $25.00 on the day of the show. Purchase tickets in advance online or purchase them at Café Eleven on the day of the show.
• When: Thursday, May 16, 2024, at 8:00 p.m. Doors open at 7:00 p.m.
• Where: Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd, St. Augustine, Florida 32080. On the corner of A1A and 11th Street, one block from St. Augustine Beach.

Historic Architectural Review Board Meeting

Date: May 16, 2024
Time: 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
Where: Alcazar Room at City Hall, 75 King Street
I am unable to post the sources because they are getting flagged as spam since they are all similar in name. So please visit this site for the list.
Written out urls here tinyurl.com/yjkw32kd

For future events please visit the Discord.

https://discord.gg/NG4eZSWAgR

parang bumagsak sikmura ko nung nakita ko yung email about me applying for a 10000 pesos loan sa digido. nawala din all my ids recently now i'm scared na ginamit nila yun and searched my email online, since its public dahil sa linkedin etc. although wala sila nung number ko pero natatakot ako. i changed all my passwords sa email pero may advice pa ba kayo how to mitigate this? kase im scared, as a debt free person (ang tanging pride ko kahit mahirap ako) natatakot akong mascam :(

Morning all (or afternoon, evening, take your pick), I've been a problem substance abuser for twenty three years now, starting at 16. Luckily nothing too heavy, initially weed, I was never a gifted smoker and could never hold down a job, looked like shit and didn't care, slept all day and all night, tons of debt, shitty friends, missed out on hundreds, maybe thousands of amazing experiences because I wanted to stay home and get high. In 2008 I broke out of that, got a job in teaching and have been essentially a functioning alcoholic ever since. It's like my whole life I've always just been bad at being clear headed and straight, never content to just sit there without something getting me wrecked. Teaching is full of drinkers, I love rock, punk, metal, clubs, festivals, all full of drinkers. I am currently travelling around various spots in Asia (Vietnam - Malaysia - Japan - Thailand - currently Taiwan), working online and living the dream. Full of drinkers. I have also been a liability on a number of occasions. Drinking until 4am, blacking out, waking up somewhere where I don't know where I am. I dont piss myself but I do lose a lot of hats and cigarettes. Last Saturday morning I woke up on a bench, made it about 200m down the street then passed out on another bench, threw up under it then finally got my shit together and stumbled home. This was at about 7am in a big city in Taiwan. Families, kids going to Saturday school, elderly people exercising, everyone going about their day. And me, a 6ft3in white male barfing and sleeping in the middle of a park next to a busy subway station. It's fucking pathetic and I hate myself for it. I'm too old and too tired and my body is too beaten up to keep on doing this. But, booze is everywhere, and no matter how bad it gets I always convince myself of the same old cycle - quit completely for a little while - pat myself on the back for being a good boy - convince myself I can drink in moderation - drink in moderation for a little while - get a true taste for it - lose a whole weekend and wake up Monday feeling like hell - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, sober and working but filled with existential dread and suicidal ideation. I'm going back to the UK in a few weeks. Even if I manage to quit for a while here, when I'm back home I will be surrounded at all time by fellow drinkers, heavy drinkers, and various sniffables and smokables and the ten months I've spent getting my head together, avoiding everything other than booze, will all go out of the window and I'll be waking up at 6am on Monday for work after 4 hours sleep all weekend with a nose clogged with blood and regret and that specific kind of headache that only valium and more booze can come close to shifting. It's fucking depressing knowing this is how weak I am. Anyway, no real point or request, just haven't put this into words for anyone else to read. I've written loads in my diary but I'm already anxious that if I die suddenly and my mother reads it she will then also die, but of secondhand shame. I'm not particularly addicted to alcohol, I only drink beer and occasionally shots, I can go days and sometimes weeks without really missing it, if the time and place is right. I'm addicted to parties and late nights and chatting shit and singing and dancing. Which is a shame because they all lose some of their appeal when you're on the soft drinks. I mean, they don't, it's all about perception. How do you cope, those that have broken free? What're your stories? I feel like this cycle is similar for everyone that knows they have a problem. Thank you for reading x

There is great benefit, these days, in having a name unlike any other: you float to the top of Google searches. Bolerium Books, in San Francisco, knows this well, although it wasn’t a consideration when it first opened, in 1981. Bolerium’s co-owner, John Durham, runs through any number of explanations for the name, depending on whose leg he wants to pull and how hard. “It was an ancient road in Roman times,” he intoned recently, “large, funny, and sluggish,” while another co-owner, Alexander Akin, roundly mouthed, “Not true.” (The word is a Roman one for Land’s End, in Cornwall, England. The bookstore was once a bit closer to the ocean.) Fittingly, there is no other place like Bolerium, not on the Internet nor in the province of the real. Similes come steadily, none of which really seem to fit. Perhaps Durham’s is best. “We’re like a platypus,” he told me recently, “ugly as fuck and all sorts of parts.”.
This moment of serious American protest against Trump has led to one of Bolerium Books’ best sales years ever.Photograph by Thor Swift / NYT / Redux.
At last count, the store contained 67,385 single titles in stock. Estimates of the time that has elapsed since the last deep cleaning ranged from a jokey “twenty years ago” to a hemming “define ‘clean.’ ” “Nature abhors a vacuum,” Durham quickly noted. A store map gestures at the sheer amount of stuff, with sections labelled as “Reef of Flotsam” or “Onset of Confusion” (right by the entrance), or, in one cramped corner, “Hell.”
The semi-barbed humor protects something serious and deeply essential. Few people walk in (“the door is locked to keep out the unworthy,” Durham wrote in response to a negative Yelp review, though he made sure to mention the password, “swordfish”). Those who do manage to enter find, three floors above one of the Mission District’s busiest intersections, a vast and quiet space populated by seven staff members, thousands of books about and from social movements, densely packed rows of pamphlets and ephemera, and, in the adjacent storage room, great snowbanks of paper. These snowbanks, or “midden heaps,” as Durham calls them, are from attics, basements, personal archives, and libraries across the country. They have all been sold or donated to Bolerium. In them, evidence of the past is to be found, possibly reckoned with, and then, hopefully, sold.
From Bolerium’s snowbanks have come copies of On Our Backs (a lesbian erotic magazine put out in response to the anti-pornography publication Off Our Backs), century-old postcards of pacifist Doukhobors protesting in the nude, intricate Black Panther posters and handbills, an issue of Lumberjack (“with appendix on musical saw”), and the famous inter-commune Kaliflower newsletters from early-nineteen-seventies San Francisco. But with a staff so expert that they can translate a Mongolian treatise on traditional Oirat law using a handmade cheat sheet, classifications like “famous” and “obscure” begin to blur. So do “past” and “present.” Rather than a platypus, maybe the store is more like an estuary: the disparate holdings mingle, rolling in and out according to murky tides. (If you visit the Web site and browse the digital catalog by date, the tides begin to feel more explicable; one week, for example, carries a huge wave of Alan Watts-related material. The next week brings a crush of gay romance novels.) At Bolerium, for better and worse, you can wade around in what Durham calls “the primary source material for history.”
Here is an 1838 publication by the American Anti-Slavery Society and a brochure arguing for the Equal Rights Amendment. A pamphlet from a 1928 speech by Marcus Garvey sits not far from a publication on “incidents in the Life of Eugene V. Debs” written by his brother, Theodore (once, before an important speech, a piece of barbed wire tore “a great rent in [Debs’s] trousers . . . the flap of which hung down like the ear of a Missouri houn’ pup”). Among many other small, sheeny pins is a button from the 1990 AIDS Walk in San Francisco. Here are fliers that passed from hand to hand at protests, meant to convince, assuage, and inflame, and here’s a lump of coal from a miners’ strike in Alabama with tiny chicken-scratch wording: “never forget.” Notably, this year of serious American protest has been the store’s best sales year ever.
Not marked on the map is that other part of American history that has, this year and every other, raged—a section that Durham loosely calls “the White Problem” and keeps behind the locked door of a different room altogether. Accessible to scholars and those who know to ask, the spindly bookcases contain titles like “Gun Control Means People Control” and “Fluoridation & Truth Decay,” as well as several publications by the John Birch Society. “You can’t understand American history without understanding the far right,” Durham told me. “What it’s done, its justifications, its tropes and idiocies.”
It was to the deepest corner of the storeroom that the archivist Lisbet Tellefsen was drawn one afternoon. (Tellefsen visits Bolerium as a “treasure hunter,” and has amassed the largest collection of Angela Davis-related material in the world.) One time, she idly tugged out an issue of The Bayviewer, a magazine that once served the historic black neighborhood that James Baldwin characterized as “the San Francisco America pretends does not exist.”
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The magazine fell open to a page bearing the face of Tellefsen’s father, whom she had not seen since she was two, in an advertisement for his Oldsmobile dealership. That led to an ongoing saga of tracking down half-siblings and cousins found on Ancestry.com. “There is so much history there,” Tellefsen told me. She visits Bolerium once a month, wary of buying back her own consigned material. “It’s so rich with connections. We have an understanding of history, but places like that hold so much.” Bolerium’s official motto, “Fighting Commodity Fetishism with Commodity Fetishism since 1981,” does not quite distill the feeling of holding some of these discoveries between your fingers, or explain the way that ephemera can work to vivify history, very often through its ordinariness. A bit of light browsing recently unearthed a flier from a class reunion of Florida’s first accredited African-American high school, as well as an Electrolux manual from 1933 listing Pope Pius XI as a famous customer.
But history is ongoing, and the present moment needs its collectors. During the Occupy Movement, the store paid a dollar for each flyer or poster that people brought in, then put together a sweeping collection for the British Library. Holdings from contemporary social movements are fairly small, since so much planning, discussing, and arguing takes place on Facebook and Twitter. “Occupy was the last one to have lots of leaflets,” Akin told me, somewhat sadly. Currently, he is collecting material from what he calls the “shock-and-disbelief period” following the 2016 Presidential election. Only from “marinating in the sauce of time” do these things begin to accrue both value and interest.
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Recently, in one snowbank, Akin found a sketch done in creamy pastel of a basalt mountain and drifting clouds. Tiny guard towers dotted the background. It was a drawing of the view from Tule Lake Segregation Center, the largest of the incarceration camps that held Japanese-Americans during the Second World War, and the one which held those people deemed by the government to be “disloyal.” The artist was a man named Tomokazu, surname unknown, who resided for over thirty-five years in Plumas County, California, before being imprisoned at Tule Lake. The piece of paper sat among countless others all bearing dispatches of one kind or another from the past, which is not a foreign country, really, but a place hovering just under our present, and made of paper and ink, buttons, and voices.
https://xenagoguevicene.wordpress.com/2020/08/12/bolerium-books-the-san-francisco-bookstore-where-the-revolution-ends-up-by-lucy-schiller-the-new-yorker-20-sept-2018/

Hello, whoever you are on your side of this screen.
Predictability and ordinarity bores me. The idea of casual sex makes me more asleep than a Snorlax. I also don't want to be asked "How are you?" for the millionth time. And photos - well, one is always more than enough.
I'm sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I don't seek anything ordinary, either. I'm just an author and researcher currently living in Portugal, and looking for someone new and truly unique to inspire me. We can talk about pretty much anything, plus you can learn a ton of super unusual but cool stuff if you're also into culture, literature, legends, stories, etc. What else can I tell you about me? Well, I'm often told I'm the most interesting person people have ever met, but let's go here for ten groups of facts about me and my life:
1- I've travelled to over 100 countries in search of knowledge, my favourite place being the streams of water and forests in the north of the Pyrenées, where I once placed my feet in the water and meditated for days.
2- I do not have a favourite book, but I do feel many marked my life. For example, Ovid's "Ars Amatoria" (as a teen), Cicero's "De Senectute" (as an adult), the "Ramayana" (as someone eager to explore other cultures), the "Nag Hammadi Library" (as a person deeply interested in lost religious texts), etc.
3- I once met a really amazing woman, we were together for 10+ years, we never married but we both knew neither of us was going anywhere else, I lost her in 2014 (and I don't want to talk about it), and I'm perfectly comfortable being single.
4- I've published over 80 books, between my real name and various pseudonyms, with the most sold having been top 100 on Amazon, and the least sold still stuck at under 10 copies (and it's intentionally supposed to sell very little).
5- In college I studied Computer Science, Psychology, French "LLCs" and Classical + Medieval Studies, but among my many passions you can also count Theology, Philosophy, Art, Mythology, Classical Music, Western Mysticism, Languages, etc.
6- I dislike social media and photos of people. I hardly ever take photos of myself or others, but I do have an enormous collection of photos I've taken around the globe, where I mostly tried to eternalize places and moments.
7- Apart from writing, I spend most of my free time as a volunteer for projects related to Culture, Children, and Mental Welfare. I also tend to donate to charity on a monthly basis, because I feel we should try to spread to others the good things we have in our lives.
8- Although I'm 39, I'm perfectly okay talking to much younger, or much older, people, because I feel they can also teach me a lot of things that I'm not necessarily familiarized with. And, in fact, one of my biggest pleasures in "real" life is talking to random people and learning new stuff from them.
9- I survived cancer and meningitis. I'm 99% okay, with the exception of a small physical problem most people never even notice.
10- I was recently "rejected" from a buddhist monastery for health reasons, since it seems my constant need for medication for an auto-immune disease would contrast with the simple life their monks need to have. So, yeah, that's mostly why I'm back online and posting this message.
So... if you are indeed tired of the usual messages and conversations, write me. Maybe you are indeed what I seek.