I was extremely depressed for a while… wanting to kill myself and planning to do it.
Then I became manic and actually decided to not go through with my plans to die, and to instead start a new business and write my memoir.
I feel like I’m even keeled right now, no longer manic, and my psychiatrist doesn’t seem concerned… But we never made med adjustments that entire time, which makes me think I’m gonna continue to be trapped in this cycle of complete highs and lows.
I also don’t have my sleep sorted… and I am struggling to rest.
I really, really don’t want to be depressed again. I can’t be depressed again.
I need advice from people who have maintained stability, please. I’m trying to figure out how I can attain it. I know it is possible. I have had stable periods, I just need them to at least last longer.
I’m 1 year out of the mental hospital and I’ve already had to almost go back MULTIPLE times. I’m definitely better than I was before the hospital, and I’ve had some stable periods and good days, but I am still for sure having episodes… I almost died last week hypothetically, as I did intend on going through with ending my life.
I really want to say goodbye to mania and depression. There’s just no way this is as good as it gets.

For context I'm a 25(f) and I live in Australia with my Grandmother and my Mum. I'm really fortunate in the fact that I don't have to pay too much rent and I'm living in a little shack at the back of the house. My wife is a 26(f) who is American and stuck overseas and we've been apart for some time trying to organise visas. I had originally planned to move over there but there have been immigration delays, and now my wife is planning to come to Australia. The visa for Aus is quite expensive. And despite not having to pay much rent, I work in childcare and don't earn very much money and need to pay for therapy and groceries etc. It's been tough with this cost of living crisis. I have been struggling to find a higher paying job and with HECS debts for uni going up and not being able to afford higher education. I'm in a tough spot. Now, my relationship with my Dad is interesting. He was emotionally abusive growing up and I have a lot of trauma from him, which was exacerbated from living with him and his wife for two years in my early twenties. They've had a history of not being particularly nice to me to put it lightly and favouring her biological children. Now my Dad is a pilot and makes very good money and so does his wife. They own five properties and do well for themselves. They even bought my step sister a house. Now, when I was in my teens my Dad bought an apartment and he promised me that when he sold it, the money would go to me so that I could help support myself financially and potentially buy my own home. Which is a dream for so many young people. Now last year my Dad and his wife decided to buy another home and tore it down to build over it. They've been so distracted by this build that they didn't make it to my wedding and forgot to tell me they weren't coming much to my horror. I was beyond upset but not surprised as he's missed countless things throughout my life including musicals I've been in, my own formal, my high school graduation. So no surprises there.
Anyway, recently my Dad told me that they planned on selling the apartment and using all the money on building this "dream home" as they refer to it. I've been in shock about it for a few weeks now and don't know what to make of this. I'm hurt all over again. My Dad knows I have been struggling financially for some time and emotionally especially being apart from my wife. I messaged my Dad and told him that he's selfish and that he should give me some of the funds from the property sale as promised to at least go towards my wife's visa. He's ignored my message and doesn't want to talk about this.
Was I too harsh on him? Or not harsh enough? Because to me it felt justified to call him out on his behaviour. But there is also so much going on in the world and this feels like such a capitalistic white woman problem. But I'm mad. What do you think?

So I (32F) and my brother (45 M) had a tiff the other day. Some background to explain:
About a year ago, my husband and I got evicted from our home. We were paying rent like we were meant to, but the landlord got angry at us when I called her out on making us overpay for utilities (we were paying her's as well as ours, and when I found out, I was livid.) Shortly after, we were all made to leave the home as I had no solid proof to back us up. I had 3 kids + 1 stepchild at the time. The step child lived with her mom, so no change for her, but we were struggling to find a new place to rent. We are in fact still struggling, and all we've been able to afford in that time is a one bedroom apartment. My oldest two children are teenagers, and I had had a baby with my husband just a few months prior to the eviction notice.
Now, because of the limited space, and laws in my state, my eldest two children were required to stay elsewhere. Namely, with my brother. He offered, and I thanked him profusely for his generosity and have done everything I can to continue making my appreciation known. I am working and so is my husband. But even with both of us working, we are still having a hard time finding something bigger that is sustainable. I have seen how this sudden separation has affected my elder children, and I don't want to ever put them through this again. So I have been looking with the intention that it has to be in our budget long term, and affordable even if one of us lost their jobs. I refuse to put my kids through this hell again.
One of the places I have been consistently bugging about an available rental has finally gotten back to me with a big enough place, and below what our "safety" budget is. I am only waiting on them to finish their inspection/refurbish of the place, and then we can move in. We have put back tax money to make sure this move is doable as soon as they are done.
I am again pregnant (not on purpose, I was supposed to have had my tubes tied but I guess it didn't take properly according to my obgyn.) I was more than a little upset to find out, but I am not someone who would abort a child just because they weren't on purpose. My husband and I have decided to make this work as best we can, and we will still be moving to the same place as soon as we can, with minor adjustments to include the new little one. I was also briefly unemployed (a grand total of 2 weeks) and have just started a new job in the last few days which I think will be better for us in the long run anyway.
All this to say, my brother texted me about my son a few days ago. I have been picking him up from school and taking him to my brother's house afterwards every day. This is because my brother lives outside of the school district for my son's high school, and while my brothers children can take him, they often have after school things and my son wants to go "home" and do his homework straight after. Not a big deal. Sometimes my son calls me and tells me that he is getting a ride home with a friend, or his gf, and that's fine too. He's about to be a senior, so I don't mind the commute simply because he shouldn't be made to switch schools just because we failed to provide properly. Our car (we currently only have 1, and are looking to trade it for a van because we're going to need one), broke down randomly. It's 20ish years old, so this isn't entirely unexpected, just super inconvenient while we wait for the parts to come in to fix it. I told my son that if he needed me to come get him, that was fine, but that while we waited for the parts to come in, if he had someone else who could take him to my brother's house for the time being, that would be helpful for now.
At no point did I say I wouldn't come get him, or that he had to ask for a ride daily, or anything of the sort. I made sure he was aware I was still willing to come get him whenever, but that it would help keep the car from breaking down faster if he had a different way ( which he usually does anyway.)
This apparently trigger big brother. And he sent me a couple of messages asking why I was making my child "beg for a ride home" when I could have just let him know if our car was messed up so he could make other arrangements for my son to get there. I explained as succinctly as I could what I had told my son, and that he usually has a ride home that isn't me anyway, so I didn't think it would be a big issue. Nor did I tell him he absolutely had to go with someone else, but that if he had a different way that it would be helpful for the time being. My brother told me I should have discussed it with him instead, and not with my son. He said I was making him feel unloved and excluded, especially considering my pregnancy and the fact that I had another smaller child who I was "replacing" my elder two children with. (that's not a thing, and I have spoken to both of my children several times, and keep them in the loop on all the things happening while we wait for the house.)
There have been several instances where my brother and I have butted heads as far as the kids go, because he tells them to ask me if they can do x, y, or z, and when I answer as I normally would as their mom, and it doesn't align with that he thinks is correct, he then sends me passive aggressive messages and says that I need to consult him first. At first I thought this was a communication break-down between myself and kids, and they were leaving part of it out (the part where bro wanted me to consult him specifically,) but after checking their messages, that's not it at all. He literally tells them to ask me, and when I don't reply as he thinks I should, I get the messages that I mentioned before.
Now on the call he made, he went on for about 30 minutes, screaming at me and telling me I wasn't a good mother, and that I hadn't done anything for my children since they went to stay with him. I told him if he wanted money, I would send money, but that I wasn't trying to exclude my kids from anything, and I was still trying to find a place that was sustainable, and where I was waiting on the house. He knew these things already. He said he didn't want my money, just for me to make more of an effort to spend time with my kids. My eldest daughter also usually rides home with me from a different school. I have offered multiple times for both kids to come over to the apartment, or to come on day trips with us to places. They keep saying they have plans. Even when I specifically ask them to not make plans so I can see them, it ends up happening anyway. I don't dispute this because I don't feel I'm currently in a position to do so, and because teenagers are well.. teenagers. They have their own lives to lead in some respects and hanging out with mom isn't cool anymore, even when I miss them like mad.
I tried explaining all this to my brother but he was having none of it. I ended up parked under an overpass, crying my eyes out, to the point my husband was telling me to hang up because of the amount of stress it was causing me.
to be clear, I know I am failing as a mother right now, but there's nothing anyone else can say that I haven't said to myself, and have probably said even worse.
After a few more minutes of the non-stop berating I was getting, I yelled that as soon as I got my kids home we were completely done and he wouldn't have to worry about seeing the other kids ever again.
I feel i may have overreacted, though my husband says I didn't react enough. I don't know. I think hormones got the best of me, along with the stress of everything. Now my brother is back to being silent (which isn't new) and I feel even worse than when he was yelling at me.
​
AITHA? Did I overstep and overreact considering the fact that he's doing me such a huge favor by keeping my kids safe while I try to stand on my feet again?
​

Okay. Sorry if anyone saw this earlier, I accidentally posted it early.
If you dont want to read this whole backstory and get to the main point, scroll till the next bold text...or just scroll to the bottom.
I've always been good at math. I'm not Young Sheldon (though, maybe, to them, I seem like Young Sheldon...?) levels of good at math, but I'm reasonably above my peers–I passed calculus 3 in freshman year of college. I'm a data science student, which works with AI and stuff. I could talk about that shit for hours. But I'm not a super genius. I still studied like crazy. I spent an exhausting amount of effort into passing that class, I didn't instantly get concepts, I don't know. But that's what I'm good at, because how my autism works is that I think of the world in a very objective way.
I think about it so objectively, that I have a hard time handling emotional relationships because sometimes human thought just doesn't make sense. If I can't rationalize something, it'll distress me. Cue not understanding sarcasm, having little friends, etc. Generic "you have autism" symptoms. I also have many bad sensory problems, poor auditory processing (I need subtitles), and there's textures to food that I can't swallow–but I can get used to the taste. But come on, they say I'm low-empathy. I'm textbook genius, without the genius part.
Ever since I was a little kid, like maybe 10 or so, I was introduced to concept of autism and related to it. I'm 19 now, so I want to say it was around 2015 (as a time marker in relation to COVID). For 9 years, I've thought about having autism. I know self-diagnosis is valid is a rule, but remember, I think of things objectively–until a professional says I have something, I'm not sure if I do, by the book, have the disorder. It also has to do with stereotypes. As I said, I'm not a genius. I'm not completely dumb, either. I can tell when people are exaggerating and understand when there's a shift in tone. (But, I, actually, am pretty monotone actually. That's what they tell me, at least.)
But I've gone through a myriad of other disorders. SSRIs since freshman year of high school. But at the time, people were impressed enough with my math skills that they overlooked the other things. When COVID hit, things fell apart.
Another thing I live with is ADHD, inattentive. I know that AuDHD is very common. I like to think of my ADHD as being relatively bad. I have always had problems with executive dysfunction, and I often cannot get ANYTHING done without medication. As I got older, I was expected to do more things myself, and found that I couldn't. I had no self-discipline. I couldn't even be paid to do chores. Anyway, when I was 16, in early 2021, I was diagnosed. (before someone asks: yes, I'm a girl/ AFAB. ) It changed everything for me. Before then, I was simply a smart kid who got lazy. Now, with medication, I actually have a chance of being something worthwhile. After a few years of shitty grades, and constant guilt on your mind, the reward cycle that is academia really clicked in.
Apparently, another thing that supporting my ADHD has done, is reveal my autism to the world. Because I feel like I'm being driven like a motor, I could infodump for hours. Before now, just talking was exhausting. In a way, without me knowing it, my ADHD masked my autism for me. Without it, people start to notice. In college, they've noticed more. And there is a difference between telling yourself you might be autistic, and someone saying it to your face. The immediate reaction is to laugh–it's not funny, but it's what a normal person would do, so it's what you're doing right now. You should feel insulted–it's an insult! Obviously, I have some internalized ableism issues. Plus, my own autism can even clash with others'.
Still, I at least thought of myself as relatively able to be independent. I lived in a dorm, I managed to feed myself, I sleep. I do use drugs, but it's just weed. And sometimes drinking because it's college, but not too often. Basically, even if I am autistic, there's no benefit to actually confirming it. I've been through ADHD screening–it's hard, annoying, embarrassing, and expensive–and I don't want to go through it again if I don't have to.
Like everything else in my life, I also think of medical aid as a pros and cons system. I sacrifice having depression and ADHD on my medical record (military restrictions, minor stuff) for the medication I need, but I don't know how autism is.....treated? Managed? I don't know, my knowledge of the actual autistic community feels pretty minimal. I understand you can't take a pill to just make autism go away because it's so much more than that.
As a university student, I still need medication to help sustain whatever ridiculous workload I put on myself. I needed a new psychiatrist for legal reasons (I'm an out-of-state student) and the university health center provided me one. He's a really nice guy, funnier and more relatable than my last psychiatrist, and actually seems to care. I fall for it, as usual, and start talking more and more about myself than he needs to know. At our last appointment, I bring up my (aforementioned) sensory issues, and he asks me if I've thought about an autism diagnosis.
At that very moment, this almost killed me. This still doesn't truly mean I'm autistic, but it's a strong implication from someone I think of as much better educated in the field. It's close enough–it really is true. Without my prompting (I have this fear of psychiatrists and therapists thinking I'm full of myself/looking for pills/diagnosis so I pretend I've never googled anything on the internet), a psychiatric medical professional has asked about my potential autism. Then, I considered the question, have I thought about a professional diagnosis?
TL;DR, here's the real question:
My psychiatrist also recommended I get in contact with student disability resources for my [already-longterm-diagnosed] ADHD, so now I have to think, would an autism diagnosis benefit me at all? I feel like they pretty much overlap in accommodations. Also, I don't know what consists of "treatment" for autism, if there is any at all.
Additionally, I've heard that an autism diagnosis can keep you from having a job, consenting to surgery, just generally losing autonomy, and I want to avoid that. I'm a woman in the tech field, which is already overcrowded, and the misogyny in that community is still very strong. I'm not looking for any more disadvantages. So, I wanted to hear if anyone had any experience with something similar.
( End note: I'm truly, genuinely sorry if any phrasing is offensive, and I will change it called out. People have told me that I'm less sensitive to language than usual, and therefore can be blunt/rude on accident. )

My grandma (who I live with right now) is a nice woman most of the time, however she displays a lot of behavior my nmom does.
Extreme irritability and mood swings, aggression over small things, blowing up over small inconveniences and highly enabling behavior towards the golden child.
One example that comes to mind is when I got my hair dyed. My n-aunt (nmoms sister) rushed me out the door but we still ended up being late. The appointment lasted for hours, and I didn't have anything to eat before or during the dying process. This resulted in me having a migraine that refused to go away.
I took a nap when I got home to try and get rid of the headache after taking some ibuprofen and getting some food, but it didn't go away until much later.
My grandma came home and woke me up to ask me about my hair, and I asked her if I could show her later since my head hurt.
She immediately blew up on me and began to yell about how I "Couldn't even give her the time of day" (I don't know why that sentence stuck out to me so much) called me ungrateful and told me she was sick and tired of my disrespect. She then threatened to keep me from going to a Ren Faire event I was planning to go to.
From the moment I was taken from my home to live with her I tried my best to be respectful and helpful, so I really didn't understand those comments directed towards me.
I just went up to my room and cried. I didn't want to go downstairs to eat, I didn't want to even come out the next day.
The next time we talked I ended up having to apologize first and only then did she actually ask me why I asked to show her later and try to understand where I came from, and even though she said she understood why I wanted to show her later, she didn't apologize to me.
It's still so triggering to me. I can understand if I sounded ungrateful, but I came out of a house where I got screamed at almost 24/7. Surely she could have had the conversation with me when it first happened instead of blowing up like that.

ASrock Taichi z590 MB, Intel i9-11900k, 3090 GPU, 32 G memory (4 dimms), M.2 boot disk, 1000W PSU.
This PC was built 2 years ago. It has run fine until sometime while I was sleeping last night.
Symptoms:
If the PC has been off for 30+ minutes, it operates normally and boots into Windows 11 normally. I can use the PC and even run Cyberpunk with high settings for about 5-10 minutes. Then the PC immediately turns off (black screen) and immediately starts to reboot. After the first reboot, it usually just reboots endlessly....sometimes making it into Windows for a short time. Seems like a heat related issue, but the CPU, GPU and motherboard report temps in the 50-60C range. I have not seen any extreme temps that would worry me. Fans are quiet but running like they should be if the temps are normal.
Since it is rebooting before the Windows OS starts sometimes, I don't think it is boot disk related.
I have replaced the PSU: no change to the symptoms.
I have tested the RAM sticks one at a time: no change to the symptoms.
I have pulled the GPU completely and used a small GPU card I had lying around: no change to the symptoms.
I have changed the CMOS battery: no change to the symptoms.
I have disconnected power to one of the HDD: no change to the symptoms. (There are 5 hard drives in all. I don't think this is a hard drive issue, but I am open to ideas).
I am guessing it is a motherboard or cpu problem...but I am open to other ideas.
Any suggestions for changing the bios settings for turbo modes, voltages, frequencies? Everything in the bios is currently default since I pulled the battery....and the symptoms persist.

https://i.imgur.com/ZMjpqXO.jpeg
https://i.imgur.com/ZcGi3T8.jpeg
I don't have any more room for semi-modular geat and the Moog Spectravox that just came out is causing major GAS. I will say that this is the one piece of gear I've help onto the longest besides my guitars so it is definitely special.
For pedals, I have a Walrus M1, a Beetronix Sea Bee, the brand new line6 hx one (sounds amazing I just don't like one pedal that does everything).
If you have a pedal that I'm super jealous about like that last couple Chase Bliss releases or any Hologram stuff, I would also offer a Thermae, a Gamechanger Light pedal, DBA Space Bender, and a Syntax error 2 (creating presets on this one is such a joy). Also I have an R1, but the hype on those kinda faded even after the update that gives the reverb a lot more room to breathe and clarity.
If you're into eurorack I have the Dreadbox Ataxia and Euphoria that are pretty awesome for 100$.
Although I don't have feedback on this subreddit, I have four positive feedback reviews on /Synths4Sale which used the same feedback system as this subreddit. I've also done another half dozen sales/trades on /modular that I can point you to.

This is the longest, slowest and most exhausting illness I think I’ve ever encountered. I’m convinced it’s Covid despite five negative tests. I may have contracted it at a very crowded concert last week or at an unrelated doctors appointment (where they were also treating actively sick patients).
Had a sore throat on Sunday, but really didn’t think too much of it. Then on Monday (2 days ago) I woke up for work extremely fatigued and nauseous. I went about my daily routine until I got incredibly lightheaded and passed out on the bathroom floor. Chalked it up to not eating enough, but the problem persisted throughout the day and I have been incredibly weak and lethargic since.
1 day ago, sore throat became much more intense and runny nose started. Barely able to make it through the work day due to exhaustion and nausea.
Today I woke up feeling like shit. Pain in my face and ears and whole body aches, stuffy sinuses and swollen lymph nodes in the neck. I noticed a familiar painful burning sensation in my inner nostrils and absolutely zero sense of smell. Like can’t even tell the cat just took a huge dump in the litter box. I’ve been Covid positive twice before and the feeling was unmistakable.
Called off work and took two (expired) at home Covid tests which were negative. Made an appointment at the clinic to get tested there, also negative. Begged them for a PCR test but they don’t do that “because the rapid tests are so reliable now, PCR is not necessary”. I should mention the last time I had Covid (January) I also had two negative rapid tests before testing positive, so I don’t really trust them.
Tonight I have developed a dry cough and low grade fever. Wheezing sound when I breathe. Still have persistent and debilitating fatigue along with all of the previous symptoms. Bought two more at-home tests, both negative.
I’m still like 99% sure I have it. I realize I sound insane but I’ve had my fair share of flus and colds and nothing feels at all like Covid sick does. It’s also irritating that work is now expecting me to come back since I’m not positive, even though this illness (even if it isn’t Covid) is absolutely kicking my ass. Ugh.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Ok-Firefighter602 posting in AmItheAsshole and his user account
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 29th April 2023
Update - 22nd May 2023
​
AITA for breaking a promise and attending my stepdaughter's graduation?
​
I’ll start by explaining some backstory. I (54M) lost my first wife when my son (25M) and daughter (22F) were ages 9 and 12, Both my kids took it as hard as you would expect and to this day have a poor relationship with both my current wife "Doreen (49F)" and my stepdaughter "Amy (18F)". I started dating Doreen about 4 months after my first wife passed, as such my kids believe I cheated on their mom. Amy was 5 when we got together and as such I see her as my own daughter.
On to the actual story, 4 years ago, two days before Kay's high school graduation, Amy got very ill while visiting her grandparents and ended up needing emergency surgery. My wife and I rushed to be with Amy and admittedly I did not communicate well with Kay. At the time Kay didn't pick up my calls, so I left her a voicemail and several text messages explaining what happened and telling Kay I was sorry but I would make it up to her. A few hours go by and I get a call from Kay, she is in hysterics telling me what a terrible father I am and stated that if I did not attend her graduation I would be dead to her. I chose to support Amy.
True to her words, Kay did not contact me on the day of her graduation. And when came home Kay's things had been moved out of the house with a note explaining that we were no longer family and to never contact her again.
Luckily Kay and I were able to reconcile, however, I promised her I would give her absolutely anything in the world to make her forgive me. She said that she would forgive me as long as I refused to attend Amy's graduation as this was the only way to make it fair. I agreed at the time thinking she was just joking or angry and would soon forget.
This leads me to now. Invitations for Amy's graduation went out, and despite all the hostility Amy wanted to make sure Kay got one. Kay called Amy later that day and said she would be unable to attend as she and I would be spending the day together per our agreement. Amy broke down into tears asking me why I was missing her graduation, I assured her I was not and that I would speak to Kay. Later I explained to Kay that I simply could not miss Amy's graduation. Kay launched into a tirade about how I was a liar and an asshole and how could I do this to her again. I told her that we would talk when she calmed down and she said we would never talk again.
My son, and several of our extended family have all taken Kay's side saying I didn't see how hurt she was at graduation. My wife believes I am the asshole for even promising that in the first place as I should have known it would only upset one or both girls. And Amy is just sad and confused wondering why Kay hates her. I know keeping my promise and not attending Amy's graduation is probably the only way to salvage my relationship with Kay, but no matter how I look at it I would feel like I'm punishing Amy for having a medical issue, so am I the asshole?
EDIT to add some relevant info.
I NEVER cheated on my first wife. your accusations are honestly tiring and disgusting.
Amy's Bio father was never in her life. I am NOT Amy's Biological father, that wasn't ever even in question as we are not the same race.
Amy had appendicitis, she was staying over 4 hours away at her grandparent's house. at the time that we left the only info Doreen's mother would give us was she passed out and wouldn't wake up.
My daughter was moved out of our house for about a month and a half after which we made up and she returned to live with us for another 2 years before going away to school.
I did not believe Kay when she said she wanted me to miss Amy's graduation as it seemed like a ridiculous request. despite what you all may believe our relationship was fine after this event we were in near-daily contact and she would frequently visit us.
​
Comments
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Angry-trans
YTA And have been for years. You are a bad father. Kay is correct. You are a liar. You've done nothing to prioritize Kay ever since your new family rolled in. Your relationship with your daughter is dead and the blood is on your hands.
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calliatom
Seriously though... you never should have promised Kay that, knowing full well that you had no intention of keeping your word. And now you're being a bad father to Amy too, by trying to use her tears and guilt to dig yourself out of the grave you dug yourself with Kay.
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CryptographerSuch753
Seems like all op cared about was getting his way in the moment. Seems like that may be a pattern
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victoria12345678909
YTA - you replaced your kids mom with a new family 4 months after she died! Your kids lost their mom so young and you don’t seem like you prioritized their feelings or helped them deal with things, instead you moved on fast. Kay didn’t have a mother to attend her graduation and she needed you there. Could you not have driven to the grad then back to the hospital?
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LadyDerri
Ten to One that Amy is his daughter. That's why he favors her.
​
Comments from OOP

Amy ended up having to get an emergency appendectomy, but at the time was visiting her Grandparents about a 4 hour drive from where we lived. Her grandmother didn't give us too much relevant information before we left, just that she had passed out and wouldn't wake up. On the way there we didn't know her condition or anything because her grandmother is a non-native English speaker and didn't understand a lot of the medical terms. once we got there and signed off on the surgery she ended up needing an additional 2 days in the hospital and wanted both of us by her side. During this time I repeatedly called and texted both my mother and son who were planning to attend the ceremony. I had every intention of calling/ video calling so that I could still support her, but she told everyone she didn't want me to be a part of it.

​

I didn't immediately move in Doreen and Amy once we started dating, we dated for over 2 years before we moved in together. My wife's death was not a sudden thing she battled cancer on and off for years before she passed. My children already knew/ were comfortable with Doreen as she was my late wife's best friend so I thought they would enjoy having her around more. I offered both children grief counseling, my son took me up on it, and I took Kay to a few sessions but she would kick/ scream/ cry every time I took her finally the counselor decided that forcing her before she was ready would only worsen her grief. I offered her therapy many times over the years, but she never took me up on it.

​

first of all, I knew Doreen for years before I even met my late wife, in fact, Doreen introduced us. I thought my kids would like having Doreen around as before my wife passed they loved her like an aunt. I did not move her in or make her a permanent part of our daily lives until over 2 years into our relationship. four months after my wife passed we agreed to explore our romantic feelings I explained what was going on in age-appropriate terms so they wouldn't be blindsided if they caught their dad kissing their "aunt".

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**Judgement - YTA*\*
​
Update - 1 month later
​
I wasn't sure if I wanted to post an update after the reaction I got last time, I can stomach death threats against myself but directing such hatred toward my children was truly disturbing. But the graduation has come and gone and I thought I should share how it all went down. I'm sure most of you will be displeased.
Amy was mad at me for a few days, but we have a strong bond and she quickly got over it. The saint that she is said she would understand if I wanted to miss it to make it up to Kay. I told her I wouldn't do that to her and reassured her that she has done nothing wrong.
As for the elephant in the room, Kay, she and my son live in the same city and work in the same field so they're as close as ever. My son and his partner were giving her a lot of emotional support at this time. In the end, she decided not to attend Amy's graduation but sent flowers and a card with my son. There were a lot of nasty messages directed toward her, which I feel is completely unacceptable. She isn't mean or vindictive. She is a smart, very kind, very empathetic woman. She made a bizarre ultimatum as a confused and hurt teenager I certainly don't think that makes her a bad person.
I know all of you seem to think I hate my children, but the amount of pain I feel at the deterioration of my relationship with my daughter is unexplainable, I've been on and off anti-depressants since the death of my wife and at my therapist's suggestion will be going back on them. it's taking all of my willpower not to reach out to her again, but I've already disrespected her wishes enough. She can choose to reach out to me when and if she ever wants to again and I'll be waiting.
I know it's not the most impactful update and I'm sure most of you wanted to see me left miserable and alone, but I don't live my life for anyone else's entertainment. I can accept that I'm the asshole, maybe I'm an asshole in general, but I'm not some evil monster that you all want me to be. I'm a man that made the mistake of sharing his problems with the internet a mistake I won't be making again. I probably won't delete this account, but I'm not gonna be updating in the future. goodbye.
​
Comments
​
YogurtclosetWeird789
Look OP I get that you're human, just a man.
But you can't get away with the I made mistakes because you make the same ones over and over again.
I don't understand trolls and stupid people with the death threats or nasty messages about your kids it's wrong and disgusting.
The only issue here is YOU! The fact that claim to love Kay and how it is breaking your heart that she wants nothing to do with you is your own fault, every 'mistake' you made and repeated always seems to be against her. I don't actually think you care about Kay all that much as you still have Amy.
Now you've decided oh well I've fucked up again and made so many mistakes I'll just leave her alone and not confront the fact you failed her as a supportive father. OWN IT, Change your damn ways.
Believe me, you're not the worst dad out there. but you are a shitty one to Kay.
When will you wake up and realise without the self-pity that YOU have to be the one to make amends. Why on earth would she contact you?
Do you not care that one day she will get married and you won't be invited to the wedding or even to walk her down the aisle? When she has her first child and you find out through the grapevine instead of being a Grandpa?
Maybe one day she will forgive you, but not if your solution is to just give her space! seems to me she had a lot of space from you already. All she wanted was your time and sole attention for a bit, and you've never been able to give her that. I feel for both your son and daughter because it seems you have a favourite and you don't care as long as Amy is ok.
Let me guess and say your wife thinks it's best to give her the space? Amy may be a nice girl but I bet your wife has encouraged your behaviour.
It's honestly sad.
​

OOP: I'm giving Kay space because that's what she said she wants, I can't do anything other than that. No matter what I'm gonna still be there for her any way I can, but for the time being, I'm not going to pester her or beg for forgiveness because that's not what she wants. I HAVE made mistakes and at the top of that list is not listening to my children when they tell me exactly what they need from me.

​
AAP_BH
Even in this follow up post the way you speak about Kay, the disgust you feel for her oozes out. You claim so many people spoke badly of her in your previous post but those comments were minimal compared to the people that spoke badly of YOU, YOUR WIFE AND SAINT AMY but you don’t mention that, you still want Kay to be the “bad” daughter. Saying her request was “sad and bizarre” no it wasn’t.
It’s so convenient that this is when all of a sudden you realize you need to and will listen to Kay, not when she was begging you to choose her for once since your dear saint Amy came into your life. All you had to do was not go to a High School graduation and you couldn’t even do that.
You’re a horrible father to Kay and you will continue to be one. The fact that you still made the decision to put Amy over your freaking daughter is so sad, the fact that you cared so much more over Amy being upset over letting Kay down again says a lot. Leave Kay alone, don’t ever contact her again unless it’s to say flat out to her face that you are stepping down as a father since you know you will never be able to giver her the love and attention you give your true daughter Amy, that Amy will always come first. I had peritonitis, I was in the hospital (at 8yrs old) for almost a year on and off and my mom would leave to work , she was a single mother, and I was fine. Amy was a teenager, had A MOTHER AND GRANDPARENTS, she had appendicitis a common procedure, 2 freaking days before your daughters graduation and you couldn’t leave just for a day bc “Amy wanted me by her side”. My heart aches for Kay, knowing she is pretty much an orphan. Ughh parents like you I don’t freaking understand, you should’ve given up your rights as a father the moment you decided that your new family was more important than your children. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much hate for a stranger on Reddit.
ETA— by the way you sad excuse of a man, you didn’t make a mistake you made various CHOICES and DECISIONS to deliberately hurt your daughter. You DECIDED TO PUT AMY FIRST. You’re no victim, the only victim here is your ex daughter, Kay and probably her brother as well
​
Soft_Consequence2262
Oh Amy the Saint.... I got the same vibes. The Father is trying to paint Kay as the bad person that he needs to defend. Yet, can't go past without a shout out to how AMAZING Amy is... actually gives me the creeps. Feels like he has some weird obsession with her perfection.
​
[deleted]
Yeah the Amy the Saint really rubbed me the wrong way. It’s sad that despite everything, OP is still so delusional. I wish Kay a life of happiness, even if it means she would go NC with OP for life.
​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This will be my first time ever openly sharing about my addiction; from the root cause to the effects and struggles that having a porn addiction has impacted my life to this day
So I just recently turned 21 and I'm beginning to look around and realize that for as long as I've acknowledged that I have a problem and need to quit, I keep feeding the addiction KNOWING that it's ruining my life. I'm going to split this post into 3 sections explaining the following stages: The root causes/early development, Progression of my addiction to current day, and Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal. Not exactly sure why I'm posting this but I just feel like it's something I need to let out. Hope someone can relate or give me their take on it.
The root causes/early development: So I believe that my PA manifested due to a few different reasons: Playing "doctor" with my sister as a child, early age porn exposure, and then using porn as a coping mechanism to deal with any negative emotions. So starting w/ "playing doctor", it first happened at a very young age, somewhere between elementary school to 6th grade. I think most people know what that is but to keep it short basically my sister who is a year older than me introduced my to basically role playing as doctor and patient. I wasn't sure if SHE even knew it was wrong but the point is, it happened. I genuinely don't think she was doing in an abusive way but I'll never know. I don't remember the small details of exactly how it happened but what leads me to think this was a factor that contributed to my porn addiction is that I know now as an adult that it's wrong, however as we "played doctor" I only grew to enjoy it and occasionally we took things outside of "playing doctor" - which is why I don't know what to make of it... Long story short it went from "doctor" to us making up our own games like "spy" where we pretended to fight each other as spy's, getting "knocked out" unconscious while she'd touch... and I specifically remember wanting to play these games in hopes that it led to that. But even outside of playing games I grew to wanting to touch her and act on perverted thoughts as a child that were NOT normal for my age or in general. And sometimes I would sneakily act on them - which as I'm reflecting on right now makes me think that me KNOWINGLY trying to be sneaky and act on perverted thoughts at that young of an age had to have carried on with me as I got older (contributing to my porn addiction).. And then the last thing that I vividly remember was when I was probably 10-12 years old is when again we were actually kind of aggressively play fighting, somehow ended up with each other's hands DOWN THERE mutually and we kept going on with each other until she made me.... yeah. And that was the last memory I had of what started out as us "playing doctor". Fast forward to current date since that last memory and we've never spoken about those experiences (more on that later). Going onto the actual exposure of pornography and WATCHING porn, I was exposed to it somewhere in between the same timeframe as when I'd play doctor and the last memory of us playing (somewhere between the ages of 8-12). I can vividly remember the scene that played late at night on the tv that my parents had left on (I shared a room with them). And then moving forward from there, somewhere in between I would find videos on YouTube of this "prank" channel where he'd go up to paid actors, bet that if he beat them in rock paper scissors that they'd have to make out with him. And as a young kid at the time seeing a girl in a bikini making out with a guy as he grabbed on her ass just made me horny and I learned to masturbate from there. And I cant think of a stronger dopamine hit for a 8-12 year old little me at the time than seeing those videos and pleasuring myself. After this, I'd hit middle school where I was bullied a lot, all while lacking social skills necessary to make any genuine friends or deal with the emotional turmoil of being bullied. Fast forward a few months and I think I just progressively began to normalize using porn as a coping mechanism - All the way from whenever I just got mad while dying repetitively on the videogame, to avoiding the fact that I hated my life everyday that I went to school. I'd use porn to receive that "good feeling" whenever I could. And I think my sexual addiction got worse when I began touching myself in the shower almost everyday in middle school to the imagination of the pretty girls that were at my school, even though I had neverarely talked to some of them. It was just a thing for me where every night I took a shower, I closed my eyes and fantasized about doing stuff with them. And then the cycles of me normalizing these things continued and eventually I found out about REAL porn sites.
Progression of my addiction to current day: So shortly after finding the real porn sites I entirely opted to use those as much as possible as the cycle continued. So by my freshman year of high school I was already using porn sites regularly. I remember during summer and winter breaks, sometimes I'd sleep at my grandmas and stay up all night switching from ejaculating to porn, to watching my favorite youtuber and streamers, to going back to jerking off. It was a multiple times a day/night occurrence OFTEN. Sometimes even during the middle of the day I'd pretend to use the bathroom but really I had a porn video pulled up and I watched until I was done. And as time progressed one video didn't exactly cut it for me. I don't think its that I couldn't get off to the first video, but more so that I just had the urge to see more and didn't want to nut yet. I didn't even know if I was purposely edging or not. I did not even understand that edging was a concept yet. Its just something that occurred naturally for me. And during all of this, I am still somewhere in the age range of 13-15. Consistently ejaculating to pornography, further exploring the more basic categories of porn like anal and lesbian. I think a notable memory was one of the first times I watched porn in the middle of work during summer break (extended family owns a construction company so I worked over breaks). It's crazy because in construction all we have are porta-potties that are always hot and nasty and the urge just came over me one day to pretend like I was using the bathroom and get one off before I went back... I don't think I even realized at the time that I had an addiction because this was still early high school. It was just something I looked at as a good feeling and whenever the urges came to me I took any chance I got to fulfill them. Even if I was sharing a room with a family member, I'd be as slow and quit as I could, touch myself under the covers, finish in my underwear and then showechange the next morning like it was normal. Moving forward, this type of behavior continues all the way throughout high school and the feeling of ejaculating just is not as intense as it use to be, so I look up ways to spice it up and I tried shit all the way from sitting on my own hand til it goes sort or numb so it "feels like someone else is touching you", to doing it in more risky places like my backyard outside when I was home alone and had my pants pulled down all the way, to whatever else I could try. Reflecting back, I just look at all these actions as the progressions of a sexual/porn addiction that is still developing. And this is how I rationalize the way I developed a porn addiction. Now it wasn't AWFUL in high school but it was getting bad. I realized that I had actually had a bad addiction that needed to be addressed a few months after graduating high school. From that point forward It was something that I had acknowledged was an issue but nonetheless, continued to do out of habit and as a continued coping mechanism. Whether it was from the lack of relationships, to my current life situation/direction I was headed in, or just any negative emotion - I used porn to release. Sometimes I'd even just do it out of boredom, not even because I had a dying urge to get one off. And then after that point of realization, I sat in "depression" for a few months still going about my everyday life until one day my dad mentioned that I should try therapy. He knew nothing about the addiction but I did let him know I feel depressed and the many struggles that I faced - which I believe is due to my porn addiction. So long story short, I go to therapy for about 3 sessions and end up dropping it because it just wasn't something I felt was helping or enjoyed (more on that later). From there to current day, I've gone at MOST one week periods attempting to quit porn and every time I relapse. From the age of 1 to-current day 21 years old, the progression of the categories of porn that I watch has grown and a few different fetishes like face sitting, femdom, and role play has increased. I don't NEED to watch these specific categories to get off, however these are ones I've found myself most recently watching and edging to, sometimes for 1-3 hours at a time, usually at night on weekends or before I fall asleep. And to take it a step further, I had started pouring money into camgirl sites, phone sex sites, only fans, etc.. I live with my parents still so it's not to the point that I'm broke and have no money, but still what the fuck am I doing putting my hard earned money into a porn addiction... (I'm a functioning adult on a pathway to financial freedom, more on this later).
Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal: So I believe that the main struggles with my porn addiction consist of: the inability/struggle to create and maintain healthy relationships, low self esteem, poor social skills, lack of motivation, and the cognitive dissonance of continuing my addiction to porn even though morally I believe it is wrong to lust over. I believe all of these struggles that come with porn are connected to each other - minus the cognitive dissonance. But everything else kind of stacks on top of each other. So my thought process is that I already dealt w/ low self esteem and confidence from a very young age, and porn just completely enhanced those problems and made it even harder to fix/work on. If you're anything like me and have watched videos on the sciences of porn on your brain, and possible struggles that we deal with, I'm assuming you know how it goes for the most part. I'd say I show symptoms of all effects of being a porn addict, however I've learned to "act normal" to an extent. Like YES I struggle to make friends and hold conversations with people in general but I can make it happen. Sure it'll be a little awkward depending on who I'm speaking to, but I feel like I act normal enough to not be a total outcast and all out weirdo around people. But I just feel like every relationship I have with anyone is extremely surface level or unfulfilling. I feel like as a person I lack so much substance and personality due to the fact that I never really put myself out there and learned social skills when I was coming up. My mindset was molded into something like "keep your head down and stay out the way" in order to avoid conflict. So I never really put myself out there to develop any type of super crazy/interesting personality. I work, play videogames, go to the gym, watch anime. I feel like there's not much else - which might also be a side affect of my porn addiction. Lack of emotion. And I refuse to call it depression. Kind of got red pilled by Andrew Tate Philosophy and it entirely HAS helped me. Maybe it's real, maybe it's not - because when I was fresh out of high school and hyper focused on the bad parts of my life, I felt depressed as shit. Legit like I couldn't do anything to fix it. And the more I identified as "depressed" the more I allowed myself to look for things in my life to confirm that belief. So eventually I went on a self improvement journey and just stopped allowing "depression" to hold power over me. Now I don't believe in it so it's not something that can hold me down in that crippling way. HOWEVER, I DO believe in just being in a shitty situation - which is what I feel like having a porn addiction along with it's effects and symptoms is. It's a shitty situation and I can either allow it to keep ruining my life OR I can get up everyday and attempt to fix it. And I refuse to play the victim card. Sure, I may have been exposed to some fucked up shit at a young age and used porn as a coping mechanism. There is no denying that it happened and that it may have been unfair and out of my control. YES, that's my problem. I may be a victim of pornography but I do not have to ALLOW it to continue to ruin my life. Easier said than done but it's definitely possible and I will not blame my lack of discipline or call it "depression" because I'm unable to quit. The way I see it is, there is a lot of shit that happened to me in the past that I have to come to terms with, and then I must come up with a plan to improve and learn how to be better. For example, struggling to hold eye contact with people, hold basic conversation with people (specifically women), find confidence within myself, become more social, etc... These are all skills that we can practice and learn. Simply by going outside and putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations that allow us to put the reps in. I believe that if I quit porn and start walking up to 10 strangers a day and try having simple conversations with them, in time I can only get better at being social and connecting with people. It's gonna suck and feel like shit at first, but I truly believe that it's a way to improve and get better. As I stand in my current situation I would say I have a lot of work to do but I'm still a functioning addict. I have friendships and relationships with family but they are very lack luster and I long for something deeper and more intimate. I know I'm not ugly and have the ability to pull a good looking girl, shit I've turned down this really pretty girl who always asks to hangout simply due to the fact that I feel like I'm gonna fuck it up and have bad social skills. And its getting to a point where friends and family are wondering why I haven't had a girlfriend in years. Overall its a lack of self esteem, which hinders me from being able to confidently put myself out there as a person who's deserving of love/companionship, which then makes me sort of self isolate and stray away from any type of connection or opportunity to be vulnerable. Which just leads me to feeling like a loser or someone that is undeserving of love because I'm just in a shitty situation. And yeah. Its kind of a self sabotaging cycle because I feel like I understand what's going on but I don't have the discipline and don't put the work in to get better. But that's just my two cents. This post was extremely long and I probably rifted off topic a few times and had my thoughts all over the place, and I still have a lot more I could give input about but this is the jist of everything
If anyone has a support group or needs someone to talk to, 1. I'd like to join the group, or 2. Feel free to message me for any support or conversation.

I’m a high school freshman (15M).
I was caught with pepper spray in my backpack this week and was suspended for 4 days. My hearing is on Friday.
I was passing through the density detectors in our school when they went off suddenly. The detectors can be really sensitive at times and they go off even if you have binders or books in your bag. My bag’s been checked before without issue but this time they found my pepper spray.
The person who found it didn’t think it would be a big issue but I was later told to see the assistant principal in his office. They made me write a statement about why I had it in my bag. The school is known for how shitty it is and there were about 2-3 gun sightings in the first month of being there. To cut it short I wrote that I heard the place was dangerous and thought I needed protection.
I’ve been bullied in the last 4 years by one guy. We fought in 5th grade and I’ve attempted to ignore him the last few years. In 8th grade he assaulted me for getting his attention so he could get out of my seat. Ever since then I’ve been avoiding him and even changed classes. I’ve been carrying the pepper spray for peace of mind. I told them all of this and they made me give them a name.
They then brought me to the principal where I explained what I wrote and why I felt this way. They were more upset at the comments I made about hearing about fights and the unreliable density detectors than me carrying the pepper spray. They had me suspended until Tuesday and told me that there would be a hearing this Friday. My school allows students with high grades and little absences to be exempt from taking the exams. Having this many suspensions means I have to take them if I am allowed to remain there.
My family is relatively chill about the situation and are trying to fight for me. According to their code of conduct “Weapon Possession” typically results in alternative school for a designated amount of time but depending on the circumstance could lead to expulsion. My mom was already planning to move out of our house and probably change schools as well. So having this happen during the last week of school sucks.
My aunt and uncle are involved with the school system and are telling me to write a statement. They also said that the lightest I could get off is disciplinary probation.
My family is telling me to say that I lied about being bullied to get a lighter punishment and that I had it for protection because I live alone with my mom and I made a mistake bringing it there. They also said that repeating anything I said in the previous statement would only lead to them throwing the book at me because it implies intent to harm another student.
The pepper spray was in a pocket in my bag that could be overlooked among the abundance of other zippers surrounding the bag. I think I could argue that I forgot I left it in there while trying to hide it from my parent.
Any advice on how I should move forward and how this may affect my future with colleges and such will be greatly appreciated.

/LonghornNation Daily Off Topic Free Talk Thread

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Everyone seems to be digging this album, so I suppose ill strike while the iron is hot here - does anyone else find the level of lyricism in this album not only a high point for the band (though frankly, they've always had good lyricism especially for the scene they're in), but also just very solid even out of the musical context?
I'll admit to being a bit of a nerd when it comes to writing and lit, and after listening to the album I sat down and listened again while reading through the lyrics of each song as they played and was left with a few standouts.
1) From the initial track, 'Thirst.'
Followed by the thirst An honest gaze left broken and marred
...
Dragging my knuckles Forward but through the mud Secluded lower form Sickened by my thirst for change
..
Though not the strongest lyrics on the album, still evocative imagery and impressively emotionally compelling while also being careful in its diction. Like the message of the song (and extending to the album, really) the song comes with a sense of jagged brevity which to me adds to the poignancy of it. It also sets the continuing motif of water being an agent of change, the process of grief and loss (of people, identity, and faith) being the core of the album.
2) From 'Don't Reach For Me'
I dream of a cleansing wave Reborn Don't reach for me No lies can spread (Spread, spread) From a tongue removed
..
I dream of a cleansing wave Set me free I return to form No longer bound to mе
Though this track is much more on the nose, largely characterized by the visceral and aggressive dogma that metalcore is known for, is still points back to the previous ideals and symbolism established in the initial tracks. Again we are lent the idea that water will wash away (erode, even) our imperfections. Change will aid in the 'return to form,' grief and harbored grudges 'no longer bound to me."
3) This one is cheating, as it's really the whole song of 'Moss Covers All' with its 46 second run time:
This house just swallows me It doesn't feel like it did before Trapped in endless rain Barren moor
And all the vines will find their way Through the dirt and hardened clay
The wind and rain will force decay Moss covers all
This frankly reads pretty well even as spoken word poetry. From the established messages of conflicting ideals of faith, self, and loss, we are given the line 'Trapped in endless rain, barren moor.' This deep into the album the layers have been stripped away, and we get the image of rocks, stripped and naked (barren) being exposed to the harsh elements of rain (water) again. Over time, despite everything, this allows moss and roots to crack and mold them. Neat.
4) Jumping from 'Moss Covers All' immediately into 'The Calm that keeps You Awake'
You fill your home with waves Nothing still can stay When the storm starts to recede Parting clouds reveal your grief Nothing still can stay
Hey look at that! Water enacting change again. Who'da thunk? While not super overt and beating you over the head every track, the album continues its steady use of the metaphor. I'm impressed by how lyrically cohesive and well stated the album is, with this never coming across as corny. Again, the imagery lent from the lyrics are both very well done and somewhat understated, especially when examined through the context of typical metalcore lyricism.
5) Closing with 'Sit and Mourn'
Collecting petals of every memory All I'm left with is all I know (I know) Finding my own time to sit and mourn Grief that spreads but will not show
..
A test at every turn All I focus on is strength I will carry you through fire
Loss we share means swallowing pain Will you inherit my grief If I finally choose to sleep?
..
"Why'd you leave?" "I feel like I'vе failed."
I really, really like this closing track. The amazing mixing, use of ambience, and killer vocals / instrumentals aside, I found the change in expression super neat here. Once again we are given the notion of grief expressed as petals. i.e. plant life and growth. While capable of shattering and eroding rocks (barren moore, yada yada) it also can create beauty. Grief then once again can be seen as spreading through the soil, unseen from above.
This final use of the recurrent theme is then given its needed closing juxtaposition, as they express the strength needed to 'carry you through fire.' While the grief and doubt expressed thus far has always been in the processing stage, prone to mourning and self reflection, in this last closing cacophony we are seeing the narrator of the album push aside their own feelings to help someone through the immediate feelings of loss and rage and pain that come from a fresh loss. Then, the expressed doubt of if the narrator gives up, will the party they are helping have that fire smolder and die, finding themselves dealing the cold, liquid grief we've heard about up to this point.
The final eerie quote from this track implies that this did happen, and the cycle of the album will continue as this person who could not be helped slips into the thirst for change within their heart, and the constant state of erosion granted by that search.
TL;DR - This album rocks in a lot of ways, and I think the lyrics are a huge part.

What's up all! 4th Wall here! I finally have power returned to my home, and can play a little catch up! This one's a heavy hitter, No NSFW needed (I hope) but if you've got kids, be warned.
First, Previous, Next
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A bright flash of blues and whites spat a greyish black object into normal space a mere one hundred Clicks from physical asteroid cloud that provided a natural barrier into the Lurix system. USN Olyvia’s drives instantly flared to life, and she made for the outer edges of the asteroid field with a purposeful stride. The senior Crew was at hand, having alternated shifts so they were well rested for this endeavor. Captain Correllus Grarzia shifted in his chair slightly, watching with interest as his star helmsman switched from his standard control configuration to a more “analog” twin joystick and pedals. ‘The kid really should be piloting a fighter’ he mused just as the young lad turned to look at him. “Ready, skipper”

“Take us in. All ahead slow.” Cory ordered calmly, before keying up the ship wide broadcasting channel. “This is the captain. We’ve just entered the Lurix system. Rig for silent running. I repeat, rig for silent running.” All across the ship, nonessential systems were shut down; their lack of electronic signature aiding the stealth coating on the bulky former troop transport. In engineering. Patrick, Cammy, and the rest of their section powered down a large portion of the larger systems onboard.

Life support was set to emergency backup, with old school oxygen candles lit in special housings that allowed their life-giving emissions to be circulated throughout the ship. Each major section of the vessel had their own supplies of these low-tech solutions, and Olyvia carried enough of these candles to survive for several days without functioning life support if needed.

Only a few were lit this time, using them as an augmentation to allow for minimal use of their perfectly functioning life support systems; and Cammy returned from the compartment just in time to aid in shutting down two thirds of Olyvia’s fusion reactors. This was not usually part of the silent running protocol, but Cory had added it for this mission. While they knew where their target would be, they still knew very little about what defenses awaited them inside the system.

Patrick keyed up the mic, “Engineering reporting in, silent running.”

*acknowledged* came a voice back. And Patrick leaned back in his chair just as Cammy arrived. “Well, that’s that.” He sighed.

Cammy stepped behind his chair, rubbing his shoulders for a second, “candles are lit. Two per section. At this rate we won’t run out for a year.”

Patrick chuckled, standing before looking over at his team, “sandwiches are in the mess hall. Half go now, half after. We’ll wait and go with second shift.” The team nodded and soon. The room was half as full. “Hurry up, and wait” Patrick mused, and turned to the rest. “Hold’em anyone?”

Over the next several days, shifts were kept short with a high rotation frequency. Olyvia picked her way through the natural minefield created by a destroyed world, slipping between the dead planetary shards with deadly caution. She ran quiet, with all but minimal deflectors shut down, and a single detuned laser online on each of her flanks as a last resort against impacts. Cory, Jesse, Patrick, and Cammy met regularly to keep tabs on the ship’s progress. The admiral’s transmission had reached them in time, and the four of them, plus Jacky when she could pry herself from the infirmary, worked to formulate a plan to get into the freighter without killing everyone. They had Hera and Jacobs reports, but those reports also admitted to a certain degree of incredible luck on their part. Things could have gone very differently, and the murder of the freighter during the admiral’s capture operation hinted at a change in tactics from their foe.

Mackenzie’s Privateers had liberated several freighters since they began operations, keeping to their cover as “pirates” by leaving nothing big enough to betray their secrets behind. A few of the other captains had left pieces of inoperative Unity tech, strategically damaged and jettisoned after the fight, as red herrings to convince both the Vorath, and the Thermians that these “pirates” had somehow gotten ahold of Unity warships.


Cory stepped into the cargo bay to meet Patric and Camorra. They were tinkering, carefully he hoped, with one of Olyvia’s harpoon missiles. It was a project triggered by Cammy’s brilliant, if outlandish, idea. “We know these freighters all ran the same codes, and the same infrastructure in their computer cores. Why can’t we hack it. Human computing should be perfectly capable of it.” Cory remembered her words as he stepped up to the two, “at ease” he waved them away as they threatened to salute him, “how’s out little project coming.”


“See for yourself” Patrick smiled handing him a data pad.

Cory took the offered device, quickly scanning through the data, “All I see is Olyvia’s system logs. Did you give me the wrong one?”

Patric smiled evilly, “that is coming from the missile, we found a common power regulator chip that dam near all Delmar freighters use in their integrated core management. Our mole here mimicked that regulators protocols to get into one we installed in a conduit over there” he pointed to an open panel. “It’s designed to cycle through several common chip sets and protocols to get access.”

“You hacked Olyvia?” Cory asked, eyebrow raised in a combination of amusement and irritation.

“Well, “Cammy said calmly, “we had to test it, and Oly’s the only ship close enough…”

“I see…” Cory mused, “it will have to do, we will be reaching the edge of the field in three days, how many of these can you have ready?”

Patrick scratched the red stubble punctuating his jaw line. “Hmm two, maybe three, including that one.” He winced at his captain’s expression, “took us a minute to get the virus right, sorry.”

Cory sounded to himself like a broken record, “I guess that will have to do as well. I’ll leave it to you.” He turned to return to his office but was interrupted half way there by an urgent request for his presence on the bridge.

Jesse rose to greet him as Cory stepped into Olyvia’s command center, and he nodded towards the ready room off to the side. The two of them quickly stepped inside and Jesse closed the door. “Jesse, what’s this about” Cory asked, settling into his desk chair.

Jesse, his first officer, and battle born brother looked at him seriously, “The first of our stealth probes have made it into the system proper….. It’s not good” He tapped at his data pad before handing it to his captain, “The enemy is doing something big down there, and we don’t know what. What we do know, Is that there are three heavy cruisers in orbit, and three more destroyers in floating patrols around the system.”

Cory scrolled through the pad as his first officer made his report, pausing at the same information on the planet’s surface, “These are military installations. This makes no since. We haven’t had a use for Lurix in millennia. It’s always just been a haven for aquatic and semi aquatic species. Why didn’t our intel warn us of this.”

Jesse nodded grimly, “I don’t know for sure, but I have my suspicions.” He reached over, tapping at the tab to open a particular file Cory had yet to find. “We found these in orbit as well.” He pointed to a pair of Delmar constructed freighters, parked in orbit over the marsh world. “I authorized a single transmission to a single drone, uploading Patrick and Camorra’s hacking program into it, and we sent it to one of those freighters... this is what we found.”

Cory opened the indicated file, and felt bile rise in the back of his throat as he watched. “Ready a tight beam, send it back the way we came, Towards Simo.” Jesse looked at his captain in understanding. The risks of transmitting this close to the enemy was a grave risk. Measured against the information they just witnessed; however, it was an absolute necessity. Jesse took the offered tablet, “The Admirals need to see this…. Both of them.”

————————————————————


Clint Stevens groaned as his communicator beeped from his desk. It was a very early morning on a weekend, and Frie had let Natalie stay at her grandparents for the weekend. He quietly slipped from the entanglements of a profoundly comfortable Delmar goddess he had somehow been gifted with as his wife, and silently cursed the inevitable destruction of his plans. The Com was linked to his computer console, and Clint tapped the file as he sat down.

The file opened, beginning with a grim looking Corellus Grarzia who made an intro statement that froze Clint in his thoughts. Before he could begin to prepare himself, images flooded in that turned grogginess into razors edge consciousness ringing with a white hot fury. Frie was ripped from her slumber instantly, reaching for her biometric pistol safe as a response to the unbridled rage she experienced from her husband. It took her a moment to realize that they were not being attacked, and she rushed from their bed, neglecting even basic decency to be by his side.

The two of them watched the Horrors unfold. Children… small children of multiple different races, stacked in a freighter’s hold like cattle, being thrown food like one would an animal. Massive screens played, promising safety and full bellies should they only but kiss the hand of a severe looking Vorath female. All who had not, were treated to daily ice cold sprays mixed with random beatings. He watched as desperate older siblings attempted to shelter their kin from the abuse, often times paying the ultimate price for their valor.

Clint and Frie were spared a further assault on their senses by a beeping light, indicating an urgent call from Clint’s adopted brother. Frie slipped out of view, reaching for a night gown as a furious Mac, accompanied by an equal parts shocked and livid Lyrian, appeared on screen.


“You’ve seen it” Clint stated. There were no barriers between them, no formalities. Only pure truth.

“I have,” Mac rumbled. “Why is it always kids..”

Clint shook his head, “I can have a battle group there in two weeks. It’s not soon enough, but.”

Mac nodded sharply, “I’m redirecting everyone not on critical missions. Simo and Kid are already there with Olyvia. Wisconsin is enroute. We will await your arrival….. Clint…” Clint’s eyes met Mac’s in a joined promise that reached across time and space.

“No, there won’t.” Clint answered, responding to Mac’s unspoken statement.

___________________________________________________________

A week later, The Chancellor Thomas Durrant of the Sol Federation perused the latest transmissions from Unity space. He was due for reelection this coming fall, and it was a close race. His opponent was labelling him a Warmonger, as he was an outspoken proponent of a more active role in the struggle against the Vorath, and it was working. The points were closing in the polls, and The Chancellor had not come out on top with the latest debate results. Humanity simply was not interested in further conflict. For the first time in human history, the vast majority of the Human race was content with peace.

The Chancellor took a sip of his mug as he opened a file from Admiral Stevens marked priority, but not top secret and promptly spit the contents in his mouth back into the mug. It was a complete file on some kind of intelligence operation, and Durrant almost wondered if it had been sent to him in error. The gruesome cover video dispelled that notion as the leader of Humanity itself watched horrors thought long dead play out in front of him. Several minutes later, he closed the file, and opened a message prompt.


“Viktor, are you up.” He typed.

*Yea, Tom. I’m up, the campaign ain’t gonna run itself into the ground.*

Durrant snorted at the dark humor, “Viktor, I was sent something. It changes… everything” he typed, attaching the cover video, and the longer form surveillance recording he had found inside the file from Clint. Several minutes passed in tense silence before…

*Jesus Christ, Tom.*

Tom Durrant took a long slow breath, “Do you still have your man at The Post.” He paused before sending, knowing what he was asking.

*Yea… yea I do, Tom. Are you sure you want to do this. This has ‘it will blow up in my face’ written all over it.*

“I know, but this bigger than me. Do it, and announce a press conference to follow if The Post runs with it.” Durrant typed and sent the last message, closing down his console. He stood slowly, feeling his age for the first time in recent memory, and walked heavily to bed.

The Post ran with the story. In the next 48 hours, the “leaked” scenes of tortured children, some barely more than infants ripped its way into Humanities Psyche. The revelations of what exactly was going on behind Vorath lines assailed Humanity, spurring many to call for blood, and Others to cry hoax. Around and around the political commentators debated, and redebated the shocking footage.

Chancellor Thomas Durrant followed through on his word, and was now stepping up to the platform and the Microphone as promised. He stood there for a full minute, meeting the eyes of as many of the hundreds of reporters before him as he could. The weight of his expression prompted a flurry of flashes as camera drones captured the image. Durrant allowed all of this to happen, waiting until the din of activity settled into a heavy silence. “People of Humanity… By now, you have undoubtedly seen the shocking pictures from the far side of the galaxy. Many of you believe it to be a hoax, a desperate ploy for political points. Allow me to be clear. This is no hoax, I received these disturbing images directly from Admiral Clint Stevens, who is marshalling the forces at his disposal as we speak. He aims to do something about these orbital concentration camps, and I support his actions with the full backing of my authority as Chancellor of the United Sol Federation.”

Durrant paused, letting the information sink in before continuing, “to answer the question as to whether this is a political ploy for points. Let me be perfectly clear, I alone released the footage from inside those torture ships, and I do not care if you believe it to be a political ploy. If Humanity can see the atrocities committed to the young innocents in those images and refuse to stand up for them; I no longer would wish to lead that Humanity. Yes, we are few compared to what we once were, but we have a strength that cannot be fathomed by those who chose to side with pure evil. Make no mistake, any being that is capable of torturing and murdering children deserves the title.” The Chancellor of United Sol skewered the silent crowd with a withering gaze, “All of you here know that I have been an ardent supporter of taking a more active role against this pure evil, and my opponent has made a great many statements regarding my supposed “warmongering”. I believe that to debate him further on this matter is as wasteful as it would be irrelevant. As such, I am suspending my campaign immediately. Pending permission from donors and the campaign review board, I will be donating the totality of my campaign war-chest to the purchase of relief supplies and construction of rehabilitation facilities for these children.” Durrant paused as a wave of gasps swept through the room as a volley of flashes assaulted his eyes. “Holding the position of leader of the Human race seems so insignificant in comparison,” he said softly, almost to himself before scanning the crowd. “The election is 4 months away. If you wish to reelect me, so be it; but know this.” Thomas Durrant rose to his full height, “If you elect me this fall, know that I will use the full weight of this office to unleash the full might of Humanity upon this evil, or I will resign from my post and travel to Unity space myself.”

With that. Chancellor Thomas Durrant spun on his heals and marched off the stage.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
If you made it this far, Thank You! I hope you enjoyed the episode. If this if your first time seeing this series, I hope you will join us from the beginning. I do have a patreon that has extra content that is not main story arc, but still cannon shorts, as well as exclusive content from some of my other series. If you believe I've earned it, feel free to give it a look; but know that just coming to hang is already enough.
Have a wonderful rest of your day.
First, Previous, Next Patreon

My name is Emily. I'm from the United States and I wanted to end my 20's with a bang, and I'm happy to say that I ended my 20's in Korea.Actually, Korea was not a country that I had much to do with.Originally, I was a person who was immersed in Japanese culture since college.Japanese anime became my friend. There's a lot of interesting things about Japanese anime, like the fact that they depict real places in Japan, and they depict real food, and so I fell in love with Japan, and I even traveled to Japan a couple times, and I thought that Japan was the sum of everything that I longed for.
But then, in my late 20s, I met a friend who would change my life. It was a simple meeting with a long-lost college classmate, Sarah, who had gone on to work at a large firm in New York City, and whom I had shared anime and Japanese food with in my dorm room in college. She told me honestly that she had recently traveled to Korea and was seriously thinking about moving there. Unfortunately, the large company she worked for in New York had recently gone through a business crisis, and she was laid off.
She said that she was confused by the sudden betrayal of a well-known company, and to clear her mind, she went to the airport with the intention of leaving anywhere. She thought she would go to Japan, but when she arrived at the airport, she changed her mind. When she thought back to the places and restaurants she frequented most often while working at the company in New York, she remembered that she often went to Korean streets and Korean supermarkets in New York, and she thought that going to Korea on an impromptu trip was a really good idea, so she chose to go to Korea rather than Japan, which she already knew.
And buying a plane ticket on the spot at the airport was more than twice as expensive as booking a ticket in advance, but Sarah said that she didn't care, because she was depressed after being fired from her job, and she went to the airport to leave, but the curiosity about Korea that came over her made her want to leave right away, even if she had to pay for the expensive plane ticket.
He expressed that although he went to the airport courageously, he knew that the plane ticket would be too expensive, and he thought that maybe he should just go back home again, but his curiosity about Korea came from somewhere deep inside him, and it exploded like a bomb, and he was naturally drawn to it.
Sarah, who likes emotional things like essays and poems in college and enjoys such poetic expressions, but even so, I wondered if it was a little overdone, but when she said that she had been to Korea, I became more focused on her story.
However, I was able to understand why she expressed herself in such an over-the-top way after listening to her Korean stories.
"Korea is an amazing place, the people are so kind and warm, and most of all, the employment system is very well organized. There are many programs and support for job seekers, which is very helpful for people who are in a difficult situation like me."
When Sarah started with this story, I realized that she was really traumatized by being laid off.Now, she had been through a big ordeal and was in the process of recovering from it through Korea, so I decided to focus more on her story."You said you traveled to Korea, so what else did you do?" I asked."For example, what kind of programs were there?" I asked her.
"I happened to visit a job fair in Korea," she said, "where job seekers can get free career counseling and get the training they need." "I got a lot of help there, and it gave me the strength to get back on my feet, and maybe even get a job in Korea." "And most of all, the work culture in Korea is really family-like," she said, "I was impressed by how much my coworkers cared about each other and supported each other."
Sarah said that she was curious about what Korea was like, so she visited a large convention center in Korea and participated in various fairs, one of which was a job fair, and she interviewed with several Korean companies, and the Korean companies were ready to accept her as a colleague if she applied as an American. I also learned that Korea has many companies with global reach, and they are open to foreigners with various experiences, but in Korea, unless it is a large company, people don't prefer them, so if it is a small company, they want foreigners, but there is a sad reality that no one applies.
Unlike in the U.S., where you have to report your performance every week, and if you fall short, you are threatened with termination, Korean companies are definitely not more performance-oriented than in the U.S. They value their employees and do everything together to grow together, not threaten them with termination. In the past, I knew that corporate culture in Asian countries such as Korea was more collectivistic than individualistic, and as a student, I thought that such a collectivistic culture was a bad culture with a high level of disease in Asia, but after experiencing social life in the United States, I heard that the tendency of companies to be extremely individualistic, talking about job insecurity, and treating people ruthlessly, caused me to be fired from a good job overnight, and the future plans I had planned in advance became uncertain, and I even talked about envying the Korean culture that does not have such disadvantages.
Sarah, who has never worked in Korea, but was always afraid of being fired, said that she learned a lot about Korean corporate culture by interviewing many Korean company officials.
She said that she even considered settling down and living in Korea because, besides the culture, there were so many other conveniences and benefits.
She talked about her experience of working in New York, being left alone in the office to get things done because of her performance, having to leave late at night and being afraid to go home, sleeping in the hotel next door, and having to live with the exorbitant rent in Manhattan and the two-hour round-trip commute to work, and how she realized that unlike in the U.S., where it is difficult to see a doctor, she would not have to worry about these things in Korea.
Sarah's story made me even more curious about Korea.The warmth, systematic system, and various charms that she experienced in Korea couldn't help but have a great impact on me.I've been experiencing a lot of stress every day due to the pressure of performance and the threat of being fired, and I've recently been undergoing expensive psychotherapy.I decided to learn more about Korea, and eventually decided to travel to Korea.
Of course, I didn't travel to Korea with the intention of moving to Korea or settling down in Korea, but rather to spend my last 20s in a new country, Korea, and to see a different world than the familiar Japan.
I made my preparations and headed to Korea sooner than I expected, arriving ten days before my birthday and extending my itinerary beyond what I had originally planned, staying in Korea until after my birthday and then flying back to the United States.
The first day I finally arrived in Korea, I started walking around the streets of Seoul.The first thing that greeted me was the warm spring weather in Korea.The sky was clear and the air was crisp.I was told that it is common for Asia to have very bad air quality in the spring due to the influence of China, but I didn't have to deal with that during my trip.
The streets of Korea are very different from the United States, and everything was new to me.There were many beautiful flowers in bloom, and the well-maintained trees were really beautiful.It has been a long time since the common people's neighborhoods in the United States have such beautiful landscaping because of people who destroy these trees and flowers for no reason, or secretly take them and sell them.But this was not the case in Korea.The streets were like a beautiful flower garden.
I was walking down a beautiful street lined with flowers, and I was looking at them, looking at the big big map that was displayed on the screen at the bus stop.I was just curious to see what my neighborhood looked like, so I was looking at the map and taking my time, and a middle-aged woman came up to me and said, "Where are you looking for?" She didn't speak fluent English, but I was so grateful that she was trying to help. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was just looking at the map, so I told her one of the destinations I was planning to go to, and she gave me direct directions to the place I was looking for, and I was able to get there without any difficulty.This unexpected kindness opened my eyes to the Korean people and warmed my heart at the same time.
I was ready to accept everything in Korea with an open mind.The first impression was very good, I was touched by the kindness of the people.I couldn't ask for anything more from Korea.The food was so fresh and amazing to me.I visited Gwangjang Market, a famous traditional market in Korea.
Unlike a regular restaurant, it was a place where you could sit down and try a variety of food. As a traditional market, it was full of Korean food. There were no pizza, pasta, or burger joints, but I liked it better that way. It was a place where you could see the traditional look and feel curious about everything.
I also tasted foods such as tteokbokki sundae and hotteok.Everything else was fine, but I was a little worried when I first tried sundae because it looked so strange and a little gross, but I decided to give it a try and the moment I put it in my mouth, the rich flavor filled my mouth.Korean food often seems difficult to eat, but when you try it, you can see why it is so popular in Korea.
I stayed at Gwangjang Market for a long time and tried a lot of different foods, especially kimchi and pajeon, which I still remember because of their crispy texture and spicy flavor. I would recommend them to everyone.Experiencing the deep flavors of Korean food firsthand made me fall in love with Korean food.
And then there was a shocking thing that happened to me in Korea.I was having a lot of fun traveling around Korea and everything was interesting, because Korea is really the best place to be, you know, you're running around, you're busy, you're going from place to place, and I had the misfortune of losing my passport, which was really stupid.
I was traveling in Korea, and I got an international call. Someone was calling me from Korea, and when I saw the international call indicator on my phone and realized that the call was from Korea, I had a million questions.
I thought I shouldn't answer the call, but then I realized that it was an international call, and I thought maybe they were calling me because they had some business to take care of. I answered the call, and I was told a really crazy story, because I heard a calm English voice asking if it was Emily, and she introduced herself as a police officer and asked if I could come to the nearest police station.
I thought I had done something terribly wrong, because I had just eaten delicious tteokbokki and sundae, kimchi and pajeon, and I was so happy to eat them, and afterward I was just walking around the streets of Korea, smelling the flowers and seeing the pretty trees.
I started to check my belongings one by one and realized that my small pouch containing my passport and some of the money I had exchanged was missing.
I quickly headed to the police station, which was where I was told to go, and from the front gate, I was controlled as to what I was visiting.
The great thing about Korea is that even for someone like me who doesn't speak Korean, it's not difficult to navigate these government offices. Not all Koreans speak English, but at least the ones I've met have been able to communicate with me in a simple way. Even if they don't speak perfect sentences, they understand most of the words, so I was able to communicate the reason for my visit to the police station.
I had never been to a police station before, even in the U.S., but here I was in Korea, and I was greeted by friendly people.The pouch with my passport in it had my contact information written on the inside, and they said they would contact me with that.The bag was found in a marketplace, and the first person to report it was the stall owner of the place where I had my first sundae.It also had all of my clean, new Korean money in it, which I had exchanged separately.
I was so impressed with how conscientious Koreans are and how good they are that I was able to find the pouch, sign the paperwork, and walk out of the police station.
I went back to Gwangjang Market, and when I got there, the owner recognized me and looked like he was about to say something. I held out the bag and showed it to him, and he smiled and liked it.
I thanked the Korean boss, and we ate another snack on the spot. It was an experience that made me realize how heavenly Korea is.
And like Sarah said, I didn't just want to see how clean and pretty Korea is, I wanted to see what an American working in Korea could do and what life would be like.Through the Reddit community, I was able to get in touch with Americans working in Korea and even met some of them in person.
David, the American I met, works for a company that is not a large Korean company, but rather a small or medium-sized company. As Sarah said, Korea is a country where products are produced for the global market, and many things are actually exported overseas.
However, in Korea, unless it is a large company, every company is experiencing a job shortage, and because of the atmosphere in Korea, where foreigners are not welcome at all, it is not difficult to get a job in a company that specializes in exporting overseas, even if you are in the United States.
And David told me that he put all his passion into the first company he worked for in the U.S., and even made a lot of money for the company, but when he didn't perform, the company fired him without mercy, and he said that he was so shocked, not to mention the feeling of betrayal, that he took depression medication at that time, and it was so hard that he took depression medication, and then he found Korea by chance and settled in Korea, and now he is so happy. He told me that he was fired from his job because of the unrelenting treatment in the U.S., that he found a second chance in Korea, and that he is happy with his life here.
I'm not sure I have the courage to move to Korea right now, but I learned that there are a lot of people like Sarah and David who have been hurt so badly that they end up leaving the country. I'm scared that this could be my future, but I also learned that Korea is an option for me if it happens to me.My trip ended like this: experiencing the culture, food, and hospitality of Korea, and getting to meet and talk to Americans living in Korea, made my trip much more rewarding than my trip to Japan, which could have been an anime trip.
Korea has given me new perspectives and experiences, shattered my notion that Japan is only good, broadened my horizons, and opened my eyes to another gem that is Korea.
I now like to say to my friends, "Go to Korea, you'll see how good it is." Korea has taught me so much, and I will cherish my experience in Korea, which now holds a special place in my heart.
If Sarah goes to Korea and settles down, I will be there to congratulate her and support her in her new relationship in Korea.

I... dont really know where to begin, so I'll start with background. I've had flings in the past, but this is my first long time relationship. To be 5 years this August. We live in california.
Tldr: I recieved a phone call after having just seen her the previous day asking to talk, essentially during this reasons boiled down to
"Everything, the long distance, and (i, 29m) dont have initiative" "(i've, 29m) been talking about becoming an electrician, but havent done anything about it"
Back story.
I (29m) have supported my partner (29f) in their passion for Renaissance Faire for the entire time we had been together. She treats this as her livlihood. Has been clear about this, but I had no qualms. Her income is padded from her father at 1000$ a month, a vestige of an agreement to earn a degree (which she still has not, and has not been in school since before we began dating)
I have voiced wishing to become an electrician, i love working with my hands, and circuitry is enthralling. I have known people in the field, who have helped me get interviews and attempt entry level positions but each time have been told, the slot was filled before onboarding trully happened for me. Student loans kinda terrify me cause of debt, the trade schools i've found in cali be expensive. Most of my savings before hand went to assisting my grandma with issues that were taken care of.
We both talked about how neither of us was fully in the career we wanted, and how we wanted to see the other grow into it.
When we got together, @24 years old, i was an assistant manager in a deli, after multiple instances of being passed for applied promotions and training those who recieved those promotions.... I had enough. This was only the first year of our relationship
I got a job at a Hyatt Hotels, becoming a front end (lobby) manager. Hyatt at the time had excellent student programs and loan rates, which fizzled when the location franchised, and we lost a majority of benefits. Found a new job
I've been at a shipping company that works out of a single location for a tech company, Juniper networks. Have DOT driving certs, and multiple forklift certs. Mon-fri 9-5, making good money (close to 30/hr) feel ALOT more comfortable with loans now. Have more time that i can set aside for things. This was the last barely two years, my annual was literally a week ago.
The primary reason i havent begun said process of loans is the amount i have been trying to support her in her passion and stay connected. But even with that I was beginning to figure out times for school.
She had begun with 1 faire, then two, then some smaller ones. Trying out different Faires at different times. Just this year attempting all of them.
She has progressively added more and more faires, to the point where she we will not be at home .... 9 months? Of this year. 3 months roughly each faire, back to back at times. One faire is out of state, all the rest are driveable easy.
I say roughly as all the faires dates are up for debate, between the build, run, and teardown, there is variance of up to several weeks. Making planning outside of Faire difficult. I find out these dates through her, but with very little time in between to plan anything
I visit during the close faires, Casa de fruta Northern Ren faire, every weekend. During the farther Faires, like LA southern faire, every other weekend. Of my own volition and wish to see her.
Long distance it may be, but the longest actual time we've been apart for these is only a couple weeks at a time. Literally 2.
I text and call, not quite everyday, but no longer than a few (3ish), most of the time with no response. Again no qualms, just different things happening at different times, blind love yaknow?
I purchased essentially her entire camp, carport, cots, portable matress (trifold queen), tents, tables, stove, etc.
I drove her throughout our relationship, not just to and from Faire, literally everything. She has refused to get a drivers license out of fear. I have mobilized her supplies and camp.
We talked frequently, enjoyed shows, board games, we started heading to amusement parks, (she loves rollercoasters), we would go dancing while she was home, build lego display sets, like i could keep on going.
The last couple times shes come home from Faire, things have felt off. Like i have to reconnect with her at home. When i visit has seemed like either shes masking for me, or at faire.
She started getting too tired to do anything in between the Faires, and would refuse my assistance to get ready. Which was basically laundry and maintenance for camp things.
Sometimes these last couple months i would respond with the energy i recieved. Im human. I dont really know what else to say for that. We would talk about it Then things would go back to how they were.... for a time
Ill admit i have resting grumpy face, and on occaision am grumpy. But I never took it out on her. We had arguments, but never anything that lasted or made us truly angry. Sometimes i would say i need some alone time, just to cool off. But that never lasted for more than an hour or two.
When we began dating, she asked me bring my tone down a bit. Kinda made me realize unintended inflections.
Again these last couple months, she hasnt been rude, nor abusive... just sharp... to the point i feel like i have to apologize for ideas or actions. I brought this up, and things got better.... for a bit
I have dropped the ball on occaision with cleaning around the house, and she brought it up when they happened, but it honestly went both ways.
She ruled over laundry, i ruled over dishes, we'd help each other wipe down surfaces and vacuum. We have cats, and took turns cleaning litter.
We'd helped each other cook, but unless I laid very clear intentions i wanted to cook for her, she'd take over. She preferred cooking, saying "ocd"
Her love languages is much more touch oriented than mime are.
I have never claimed to be fast at anything. In fact literally have compared myself to the Tortoise, from tortoise and the hare. And feel very judged on it all of a sudden.
Looking back... maybe I could have initiated more... but as i began to do so more and more this last year together, i was met with more and more, "tired" or "faire".
I just... feel like a wrung out rag..... and ... i dont know... Used?
She mentioned it not being fair to either of us... just making me wonder if this might actually be better off...
Doesnt feel like it now

long post ahead… I’m at a loss as to what I could unknowingly be doing wrong and need suggestions as to what could help me get to the bottom of this :))
so I’m (23f) scheduled to see my endocrinologist tomorrow and I have a feeling I’m going to get asked if I’m taking my Euthyrox properly (waiting an hr after waking up to eat/drink anything, avoiding other supplements within a 4hr window of taking it). I am following those rules. the reason I’m convinced this is going to be asked is bc my TSH has been steadily rising since May 2023 and it just now reached the abnormally high range.
a little bit of backstory- I had a total thyroidectomy in 2021 following an almost year long battle with uncontrolled Graves’ disease. since then, I’ve gone from 125mcg to 137mcg to 150mcg Euthyrox daily (my dr told me the avg dose for my weight is 100mcg). for a while, my endocrinologist was testing my TSH, T4, and T3; however he now only orders labs for TSH. the last time he tested my T4 was in May 2023, it was in the high range at 13.4. my free T4, last tested in August 2023, also came back abnormally high at 2.17 (had been on the rise since my surgery in December 2021). He decided to stop testing those last year bc it sounds like I could be an outlier (idk I was a little confused lol… still am)
So my questions are: am I hypo or hyper? what could be causing these inconsistent lab values? Could it be absorption? Could it be the medication itself? He tested for HAMA (could throw off lab values) a few months back and it came back negative. He also tried testing through dialysis/mass spec test for t4, (same numbers resulted). He has also stressed that I take my meds in the morning and get labs done midday, and I’ve been doing that.
feeling like a medical mystery and would appreciate any help/guidance at all here :(

Hello gentlemen.
As the title says, I'm 47yo, recently divorced and since I'm in uncharted territory, I'm looking for wisdom from anyone with more experience than me. Please, share whatever advice, warnings, encouragement or admonitions you might have regarding divorce in middle age.
A little about me . . .
She was my first marriage and we were together for seven years. No kids, just a dog we both love very much and will be sharing. The divorce was amicable. I've got a decent circle of friends where I live, but my closest friends are out of town. Some of my current friends are the husbands of my ex's girlfriends and I don't know if I'll maintain those relationships.
I've got a job I mostly enjoy (thank goodness) that pays well, but I still expect the sky-high housing costs in my city will force me to downgrade my lifestyle since I'm no longer sharing expenses. I'm a little stressed about that.
I'm healthy, active (though not like I was before) and have interests/hobbies, but the dissolution of my relationship has definitely taken away some of my energy and passion for life over the last year as things went from bad to worse. I'm hoping to rediscover my lust for life.
Getting divorced was for the best and though I'm excited for whatever the next chapter is, but I'm also scared to be starting over.
What's the best path forward?
Thanks.

I was casually browsing my old travel photos and came across screenshots I took from my chat history with my nmom and edad (I’ve fortunately lived away from my them since high school, so most of my communication with them was done through text).
It’s interesting that I saved ones from college, where I told nmom I missed her and love her very much, and there were some heartfelt messages on Mother’s Day. naive but genuine. Things were good when they knew I was dependent on them. Then all the text turned sour once I started working and wanted to grow more independent. They evolved into long walls of text where my nmom berated me into oblivion, saying how she dedicated her life to provide for me while I abandon her and my family to be with my boyfriend. Some were from edad saying how he was sorry for the family falling apart then preach I should learn to forgive. I remember being in agony reading the text or speaking over phone calls and falling ill so much, but after every meltdown I took some screenshots. I tried my best to keep up with them, then I finally decided had enough and blocked them both last year.
It’s been a difficult year to keep NC with them (nmom went into ER earlier this year, edad getting a surgery today for some health concern). But reading these screenshots validates my experience and reminds me how much better I am doing without their nonsense!
In short, If you have chat history with your nparents, take screenshots of the stuff they say that triggered you at the moment. It might help reminding you later down the road why you should stay LC/NC with them.

So I'm a male 24 and my gf is 23. And we've been having issues with my venting when I come home from work. Weve been together for 4 years and both have jobs, shes working at a raleys ONE as a sandwich artisan which she really enjoys and has been making good money from. I'm working as a low voltage technician, like ethernet cable and cameras n stuff. I got a job with this low voltage company starting at $20 an hour about 8 months ago. In that time I started from a normal technician to eventually earning $25 an hour for becoming the lead technician for the crew. It's a small company so that amount of pay increase in such a short time was absolutely amazing, but caused so much more work load on myself. I went from being the youngest guy asking my crew lead for what to do next, to now having the exact same guys ask me what to do next.(also had 4 years high voltage experience which explains that jump)
Anyways, this new work load is tremendous and unlike anything I've ever experienced. A few months ago I started this big warehouse job that ended up taking 3 months to finish, horrible. And during those last months I came home from work, and as usual my girlfriend asked how my day and work was, and I responded telling her how exhausting and annoying this job has been going, giving her detail to some situations and what's exactly bugging me. I then did this a few more times as the weeks went on, and as the story's and issues at my work progressed and things happened, i would vent and update her on the situations. She eventually told me she was tired of me venting every day about the same issues and stuff. She explained that hearing the complaints every day is exhausting for her which I understand. It did upset me a little bit, but I understood that it could become annoying when you're also just trying to relax from your day off work, so I stopped telling her about my shitty days. We would come home and ask each other how the day was and we would pretty much both say "ah yeah it was pretty shitty" and that was that, and continue to relax and spend the rest of the night together.
Now present day, its a Wednesday and I started up this current new warehouse installation. Installing all of their low voltage stuff, cameras, APs, door card access, fiber optic etc. This warehouse and job overview was almost on par with the 3 month job i mentioned earlier... my bosses called this job an "ambitious two weeks". Fucking ambitious my ass dude that's so much wiring and integration that can take easily months if anything goes wrong, twos weeks is more than ambitious and it's a 3 man crew. Again, we started on Monday and now it's Wednesday, this whole week my girlfriend hasn't even asked how my days been when I've gotten home. Today she had the day off so when I got home around 6pm we started talked about our days. I started the convo and began venting about how so far this week I've been given a very difficult job with an unreasonable deadline. I talk for not even 5 minutes about my stresses, and she begins to tell me that I shouldn't be unloading this stuff on her. She even eventually says that she's not my therapist, and that if I want to vent about that stuff day and day, over and over that I should talk to a therapist. I tried to explain that she is my girlfriend, I WANT to be able to tell her about what's going on at my work and my life, especially since it takes up so much of my energy and time every day. She shut down and went to the bedroom where I just sat here I'm the living room looking at the computer screen for a while, and then eventually she came back out and showed me some reddit thread about a women who's coming home and venting to her husband every day for around 10 minutes about her horrible boss. And a lot of the comments are supporting the husband saying you shouldn't come home and put those stresses onto your partner, which I can completely understand that. She was going through all the comments and gave me her phone to see how everyone agreed you shouldnt vent about you work. That's why earlier i had completely stopped telling my girlfriend about any issues or stresses at work, I tried to leave it at work which was genuinely impossible since I was now in charge of material pickup and designation, which is what I was being paid to plan for and it required planning and a genuine give a shit outside of work to make sure the money flows for the business.
I just feel like she doesn't understand that me venting today about how shitty work is, is my way of saying that im stressed out and struggling and im feeling like shit. And it made it so much worse when just recently after all the stuff before, she just walked out saying she was going to the store to get beer and will be back in 3 hours. All because again I wanted to tell her about how stressed I've been so far this week when I got home from work and that I have this 2 week unreasonable deadline, and now I feel even more shitty about talking to my closest person about my stresses at work? It just doesn't make sense to me, if she is struggling and having a problem with something, she has never had a problem talking hours about how bad she's feeling. Why can I not even acknowledge the normal feelings of validly being overwhelmed and stressed with my new job position.
Well Idk AITA for this?