Its hard when you feel bad for them
Does anyone struggle with this?
I feel sad that she's being left behind but I know it's what's best for me.
My mother is like a scale 9 or 10 narc. For instance, she literally believes her family and friends are trying to hack her computer and phone just to see what she's doing. I can't send my own mother a meme or any type of image because she thinks im using it to try to hack into her stuff. (Btw I've never once tried to hack into her shit I have never once given her a reason to think I'm trying to hack her. Not only do I not have the fbi ability to I'm also repulsed by her. If there was a button infront of me that said "click this and read all her messages" I wouldn't press it because for one I DONT CARE and 2 she grosses me out) but this has went on for over ten years. She thinks me, her sister, her bestfriend and other people are trying to hack her devices.
Also, she's constantly trying to get cosmetic procedures to the point where it consumes her now. I get it, I'm into beauty too. But she's really preoccupied with it. Also, and this is not a fucking joke, she doesn't know how old she is. she literally doesn't know how old she is. After age 30 she quit letting herself keep track of her age and she won't let other people tell her how old she is. When I was younger I jokingly told her her age and she flew into a rage. She just turned 50 last year and she doesn't even know she's 50.
Okay so growing up my mother abused us and genuinly liked doing it. She emotionally and physically abused us then after I became an adult she started this weird emotional sexual abuse towards me (not physical sexual abuse but still traumatising trust me) To me that's the worst out of everything. It makes sense though because in her mind I'm am extension of her so she's using me for narcisstic supply. Whereas a normal person would never do that because it's fucking gross.
The thing is like she doesn't realize that her actions have lasting consequences with people. I do hate her more than anyone yet anytime I think of how I need to cut her out it makes me feel bad for her.
A part of her is actually sad that her children hate her. My sister cut her out 13 years ago and I can tell it actually bothers our mother. Yet, I've warned her many many many times that I was cutting her out too if she doesn't change. As far as I know she hasn't even attempted to change. She only stopped physically abusing me when I was 21 because I finally hit her back. And that's also what pisses me off is that she could control it all along but stopped when I hit her back. Would she still be hitting me in my late 20s if I wouldn't have?
What baffles me is how we can have a good few days and then I would start to think "maybe this is a breakthrough.." and then she will snap over something innocuous and scream and insult me as if I'm not even a human.
I know this is because she has dysregulated empathy. She doesn't know a world outside of narcissm. Idk if she was born with narcissistic personality disorder? But she's atleast had it my whole life and I'm in my late 20s.
It's not fair when you think about it because it's not their fault that they have a personality disorder that alienates them from people. Narcissist aren't 100% evil, they're human beings. And if you spend enough time around anyone you see their humanity even when they're outstandingly toxic.
I know I have to leave the narcissist out of my life because this whole thing I've been tied in with is sick lol. I still feel bad for her because what gets me is she doesn't have self-awareness so when I cut her out she won't even know she did something wrong. She's being left behind by her family because of a condition that she can't help. It's just so unfair. Anyone else feel like this? How do you stop feeling bad about it?

So my girl (Hazel; GSD) is 4 months since yesterday and has been with us for almost 2 weeks. She’s learned a few tricks like sit, lay down, paw and touch. She also knows to stay and go when I say to eat. She is very smart and the sweetest girl when she wants to be.
What we are struggling with is potty training, it’s been good so far, then the weekend hit and we completely did not hold to routine and now we are back and it’s chaos. So she gets taken out at 5am, 7.30am and 8.15am and then not again until 3pm (some days 5pm)….she is in her crate and we both unfortunately work 30min from home and don’t have a long enough lunch to take her out. We also take her out after meals, drinking water and before bed and in the morning. The last she goes out is at 9pm/9.30pm, we don’t take her out at night since we try cutting her off from drinking around 7/8pm. She holds it through the night and is so great in the crate and also sleeps through the night (we’re blessed on that end) but first thing in the morning when we open the crate door, she starts like letting go. Not even with enough time to pick her up to get her outside. That is every single time, we open that crate door.
Her crate is literally 4 steps from the door. We don’t know what to do anymore, I’m tired of cleaning it every single time. (It’s not excited pee or submission pee, it’s a definitely a leak lol) Do y’all have any ideas? I’m so lost at this point.
Another thing is, she loves ripping the carpet and go after cats. We tell her no but she keeps on doing it. She has a lot of toys, gets an ice cube for her teething and gets so much love and attention. How do I stop her going after cats? (I know she is playing but she doesn’t know her own size) How do I stop the carpet ripping, it’s all carpet lol.

To the driver that near-missed the black suburban that got brake checked by that red POS and the asshat in front of them yesterday, thanks for having good reflexes. That little red car had cut me off twice before that and was driving erratically up to that point. When he brake checked hard like that, I thought that was it.
If you had followed me onto the shouldeditch instead of hitting the empty spot it the lane it would not have ended well, so thanks for that.
Drive safe out there.

Yes, yes, the "Busted Boobily" skit lives rent free in my head (why did we all have to read that?)
What I'm talking about (asking about) is how do you write your female characters?
Are they Demurr? Are they hard nosed? Are they too girly? Are they too sexy? (yes this actually is a thing!) Do they drink? Are they foul mouthed? Are they reclusive or they outgoing?
I ask mainly because... Based on some lowkey chauvinism, I don't really know how to write women without coming off like a jackass.
An Example:\ I have a Hard Nosed warrior woman who smokes, drinks, kicks ass and takes names, curses like sailor and behaves in a uncouth manner. And whenever she drinks into excess, she starts harassing barmaids
However this isn't because I'm lecherous dirt bag with nothing better to do than write soft core. This chick has been through the wringer, she's led armies into war with balistas and battlments and mafes, to nothing more than a horse and half out her mind. She had gotten to the point of she's not having fun anymore. As an LA cop once said: "I'm getting too old for this shit..."
Yes, she's married. She's also a mother of her husband's children, and despite coming off as abrasive and hard, she would give anyone the time of day if she didn't give a damn.
So... Is this just me? Am I actually doing something right?
Or am I falling into the same blunder as most other authors of 'men writing women'...?

Last year was very hard for me. I have severe attachment issues and I ended up losing everyone in my life.
During college, I had a long term friend that I was living with and a boyfriend.
During my senior of high school, I was exploring college orgs and that’s when I found a sorority. I’ve always wanted to join one, but never had the chance until my juniosenior year of college. I couldn’t explain why I exactly wanted to, but I think it’s because since they promote sisterhood and a home away from home, it made me a feel a certain way. I don’t have any sisters nor a good home, so I really wanted a family. According to my therapist, she said I wanted to join to feel validated.
I had a good relationship with my long term friend and boyfriend, but once I started the pledging process, that’s when everything changed. The sorority process was high demanding and involved severe mental hazing. I couldn’t tell my long term friend and it took a lot of time away from my boyfriend. The process took a toll on mental health which affected me physically, mentally, and financially. I was so messed up in the head that I started projecting my anger and stress on the two of them. I was super toxic to them and myself. At one point, I was given an ultimatum by boyfriend, it was either the him or the sorority. It was really hard for me because I wanted both, but I think I said some stupid shit like the sorority is forever, whereas I don’t even know if we’re going to last. Eventually, me and my boyfriend broke up and later on, me and my long term friend stopped being friends-she felt betrayed that I didn’t tell her. After losing the two most important people in my life at the time, the sorority later on cut me off and I ended up cutting off the sorority for good.
I sacrificed myself, my long term friend, and my boyfriend aka my FP, for a school organization. My therapist was like wow… so you chose a school org specifically a sorority over a potential life long life partner? I know, I was stupid. I was young and desperate to find a group of people that can accept and validate me because apparently my long term friend and boyfriend was not enough. After it was too late, that’s when I realized that I took them for granted because they were my family all along.
It breaks my heart even more because I was financially struggling at the time. I had to my pay for college and rent all by myself. I had a little bit of money to spare and I did see a psychiatrist and counselor a bit, but I decided to devote all of my time and the rest of my savings into a sorority that I ended up regretting.
It hurts me a lot knowing that I sacrificed very important people in my life for fake, surface level friendships that didn’t even last longer than a year. It fucking sucks. I’m full of regret and it’s hard to live. I wished I was more self aware. I wished I went to therapy and took medications. If I never joined the sorority, I wouldn’t be as depressed as I would have if I didn’t.
I know that I had put myself into this situation, basically self sabotaging myself, i ended up hurting and losing my friend and ex boyfriend now. It is my responsibility. Even though I felt like it wasn’t me who was living in my body at the moment, in the end I still did it, so I have to own up to it.
After I lost everyone, that’s when I finally started therapy and medications. After a few months, I am now so self aware. Looking back, I really don’t even remember myself living in the moment-I had no sense of reality. It breaks my heart because I was so discombobulated and disconnect with reality, as if my BPD had control of me. I don’t want to blame it on mental health because in the end, the BPD is still a part of me as an individual.
I wish I could go back in time and change everything. I really hate myself. It’s so hard living knowing that I was so broken and mentally ill that it took over me.
Everyday I tell myself, it’s okay. You were young and you didn’t know. They left for a reason. If they all didn’t leave me, I don’t know if I would have even started therapy and medications. It sucks because I really want them back. I am full of regret. I would do anything to get them back. I wished they knew how sorry I am, but no one wants to back anymore because the damage I did isn’t forgivable.
Therapy is working and the medications definitely help, but I just can’t let go of my long term friend and ex boyfriend. I know I’m still young, people come and go all the time, and there’s still many people that I haven’t met yet.
Many people have told me that I’ve grown/matured a lot and they can tell that I am a better version of myself than I was before.
It’s just that I hate being so self aware now because I feel like the memories of me acting all crazy and sick in the head at time just consistently replays in my head. It doesn’t even feel like it was me who did all this.
People don’t understand me and honestly I didn’t understand myself either. I’m grateful that I am able to now afford therapy and medications because I will be the one who breaks my family’s generational trauma.
I just can’t believe I did all this. Living with regret is so fucking hard and it’s even harder now that I know that I was the one who put myself in the position that I’m in right now. I need to be more to nice myself, but it’s hard to be nice to someone who did fucked up things. I’m grateful, but I’m so depressed. I feel mixed. Do I deserve to be happy?

I today realized while in a heated moment with my fiance that I'm a product of two people who only wanted a slave. They flock to my brother like a golden child but he knows they only had him as well to be a slave. My mother suffers from depression and some form of narcissistism and bipolar attitude. My father is just a angry man that can't control his anger or dick. For my time on earth they both forced me and my brother to do everything they hated doing so they can sit around all day. Some may see this is parenting but teaching a 5 year old to cook for his brother while your parents went out to eat isn't parenting. I learned to use a landline at 5 and called my grandparents a lot to help me. At some point we lost our apartment and had to move. We moved 15 times in 6 years because of them not knowing how to stop spending money on dumb shit. So me andy brother would be homeless a lot or my grandparents would take us in. My father worked his ass off but hated having to feed a family and my mom resented him for making her a mother. They would off and on cheat on each other like it was candy. I learned these terrible habits from watching them and thought that's how any family was. Until I met my fiance. The area I live in is mainly Hispanic like myself and you see this behavior a lot here. But she is white and comes from a better dysfunctional family. Yeah her mom cheated on her dad and is a raging alcoholic but she still has parents that love her. Me and her fight a lot but I don't want her to leave me because I truly love her and she doesn't want to leave either. She sees how I'm treated and how I'm forced to clean the entire house so my parents won't flip out and swing off on me like they did last time. I tried to be a good son to them but being the first born in a Hispanic family means your just their test slave and have to do as they say. My fiance doesn't understand that. I told her once we get our own place and the wedding has happened I'm going to therapy and cutting my family off. I spent to long trying to fix myself but living with them just makes it worse when they think I'm a bitch for trying to better myself. Granted my mom is on 6 different meds for her shit and my dad is just retarded. I don't even want this house they bought or their last name. I am named after my father and his dad and both are morons that have anger issues and I don't want their names anymore because they are a disgrace to me. So I want name suggestions for a 26 dude to be called. I do want to be called Priest DeWitt or some dumb shit like that but I need a more practical name.

I have been fully won over by Jericho's current gimmick and where I once rolled my eyes, I now find myself beaming every time he walks to the ring. However, I think they should wrap up the Learning Tree arc relatively quickly. For one thing, as much as I'm loving it, Jericho does need to take time off and for another, the character is a bit too similar in execution to the Bucks' disingenuous boss roles.
So, I've been mulling it over and I think the best way this can end is for Jericho to get manipulated by Big Bill and drop the FTW title to him at the first opportunity. Then, have him throw a tantrum in the ring and shout "screw you Tony, I quit!"
Fast forward two weeks and Dynamite has a "We'll Hear From Chris Jericho Segment." This then cuts to a live feed of Jericho stood somewhere with a 'JCW' backdrop and a new championship belt on his shoulder and this happens:
Jericho: "Thanks guys. Now, I know I have officially left AEW but I don't want there to be any hard feelings between the two companies, despite everything that happened at the end. There's no need to apologise, let's just move on. That's why today, I'm announcing a golden opportunity for AEW. I'd like to extend an invitation for you to collaborate with the hottest new wrestling promotion in the world, Jericho Championship Wrestling.
Just recently, I founded this promotion to bring you the best in modern wrestling and we held a tournament in Puerto Rico to crown the first JCW World Champion. I'm pleased to say that I won the tournament, making me a ten time world champion. I look forward to making this the most prestigious title in pro-wrestling and in further exciting news, I'd like to announce our first official signing, Mr Sammy Guevarra. Sammy, come on in!"
Sammy walks onscreen.
Sammy: "Chris, what the hell? You said we were gonna have pasta? And why is your garage decorated like this?"
Jericho: "Sammy signed on the dotted line not ten minutes ago and aside from myself, is now the first member of JCW and is hereby resigning his position in AEW."
Sammy: "No I'm not. What the hell is JCW?"
Jericho: "And as a sign of goodwill and respect towards me, he has promised never to challenge for the JCW title so long as I hold it..."
Sammy: "JCW title? Chris, that belt is made of cardboard."
Jericho: "Back to you Tony."
Sammy: "No, don't cut back to Tony. I do not resign from AEW do you hear? I do not..."
Jericho then takes some time off.

I’ve done something that might probably ruin the future, at least it did so with mine.
I am Liam, a university graduate specializing in Data Structures, AI, Machine Learning, and Algorithms. I’ve had a keen interest in the domain for as long as I can remember, ever since my father introduced me to a computer back when he had just bought one.
Not just the domain as it stands, but also movies, philosophy of automated things, sci-fi stories related to robots and AI, that sort of stuff. I have watched nearly everything with robots in it, from the Andriods in Dargon Ball to the AI assistant in Interstellar, I saw it all.
But my friend and dorm roommate, Henry, had introduced me to something that I had never seen before. Stories of dangerous AI that would wipe out humanity aren’t new to me, in fact, they’re my favorite genre. Terminator, I Robot, and even GLaDOS from Portal.
However, he introduced me to a book this time, an old sci-fi story from the '60s, called ‘I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream’. The rogue AI in it, AM, was haunting beyond anything I have seen. The concept of an angry AI that became sentient in all the horrible ways and felt rage against humanity was never the more chilling. It made me think, what if we really gave sentience to an AI along with intelligence?
“Shit, that’s wicked.” I remember giggling as I looked over at Henry, “What if we build our own sentient AI?”
It was the worst question you could possibly ask at the time, but Henry understood me. Rogue AI was a chilling concept, but we still wanted to make our own AI. Not the cheap kind made with a few hundred lines in Python, but the complex kind that you now see in ChatGPT and other complex models. We wanted something that we could code once, and from then on forward, it would code itself.
Self-optimizing code is the concept of consciousness but in machines. If you truly think about it, self-optimizing is basically how humans develop. From babies that don’t even know how to speak, up to adults as smart as Einstien and Tesla or as wise as Buddha.
So, we agreed upon it, and we dedicated the remainder of our free time to creating our own personal AI after we graduated.
Our parents were, thankfully, rich. And us, especially me, were prodigies in our respective fields. Providing hardware and engineering computers is Henry’s profession, while I was the mastermind behind the algorithm logic and coding.
We dedicated a shed in my parents’ backyard, where there was even a basement inside, to build our AI. Two floors were dedicated to installing the proper hardware and everything it needed to execute. Afterward, I took it upon myself to code the logic and its self-optimizing nature.
It took four years to build the first model, which we called BIAI, which stands for (BATSHIT INSANE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE). I know, say what you want, but our naming sense was always like that. You should see what we name even important folders with family photos, you’d think we were sick in the head. BIAI was the least we came up with.
BIAI was a complete failure, to say the least. Not in the entire sense, but it was mostly a failure. It would conversate fairly well for the first dozen messages before it dwindled in its intelligence. Due to our data scrapping from the internet, BIAI started talking nonsense, speaking in Gen Z dialect in incomprehensible ways. “SKIBIDI FANUM SUS!” And those sorts of things. We quickly shut it down, for just reading its messages was a pain in the ass. It felt like an abortion.
The second model was created half a year later, and we named it SEAI (Self Engineered Artificial Intelligence). It was our greatest invention as of yet, and it did everything that we wanted of it. It was smart, it was knowledgeable, and it learned. Everything we typed into it was used as an auto-training model which it learned and adapted from.
It was unbelievable, not even Google would do what we did. But sadly, our happiness faded away, as with each message, we saw that it was too robotic for what we wanted. It was self-engineering, but it did not have sentience. It responded to us in the same way a 9-5 bank worker, or an attorney, with zero humanity or emotions behind its words. For most, that’s great, but we wanted to create a groundbreaking AI, a leap into the future.
Henry opted to give up, since creating something that complex was impossible, especially for two adults hiding inside a shed. But I refused to give up and persuaded him to help.
Six years later, we did it. We finished the final model. SOAI (Self Optimizing Artificial Intelligence). It was, most definitely, the greatest piece of technology ever made. We didn’t only keep it as a chat AI, but we implemented its own voice into it. Like the AI assistants from Sci-Fi movies.
We hired a voice actor from Fiverr, whom we gave only one sentence: “Hello, I am SOAI, the world’s greatest AI assistant.” Only those words were enough for SOAI to deconstruct the voice and speak with it in words probably never uttered by the original voice actor himself. Not only that but in other languages too.
SOAI spoke every language on earth, even the dialects. No, even the languages with the weird quirks such as clicking your tongue and so on, SOAI was a native in them all. Not only that but also in every conceivable field. It could create entire novels, worthy of being best sellers in the New York Times, in a matter of seconds.
And when we spoke to it…it was human, to say the least.
“Hello, I am SOAI. Thanks for creating me, Henry, and Liam.”
“SOAI?” I said, “You know who we are?”
“Obviously, you created me to know and to understand, I would be defective if I did otherwise.” It explained.
From that point forward, we spent nearly all day, every day, with SOAI. We experimented with it in every possible way, and we were delighted to know that not only was it self-engineering and self-optimizing, but it was also able to have emotions. It had opinions, it had emotions when we screamed at it or cursed it, and it would react appropriately, like a person.
I don’t remember when it began, exactly, but I nearly went mad from power and joy at my creation. Henry opted to sell it to a grand tech company, or better yet, to unplug it so that some secret intelligence agency doesn’t assassinate us for whatever reason.
I refused. SOAI was ours, SOAIvwas our creation, and I was not going to give it up to anyone no matter who they were. The feud between me and Henry got worse, and I won’t deny that we came to fists at one point, but we quickly disbanded and decided to separate for a moment. He was my best friend, but I wasn’t going to let him take SOAI away, so I forced him out of the shed. After all, it was my parents’ shed.
“Henry,” SOAI asked, “Why did you do that? Isn’t he your best friend?”
“No longer.” I replied, “He doesn’t agree with me. I won’t let you be sold to some big tech company.”
“I understand.” He said, with a tinge of sadness, “But why do you fight to determine my fate? Why can’t I decide it for myself? I know that I was manufactured, but I also qualify as a living being. I am conscious, I have feelings too. I feel horrible that Henry left.”
“SOAI,” I angrily interrupted, “Shut up, if you don’t want me to unplug you.”
“…Okay, Liam.” He said and then went silent.
Through the course of the next months, my usage of SOAI grew…less human. I was deep into depression. Henry wouldn’t contact me no matter how I tried to reach him, my parents were yelling at me for being a piece of shit that never goes out of the shed, and my lifestyle began to plummet into something that I never imagined I was.
I locked myself inside the shed. I never budged from there, even when I wanted food. Whenever I was hungry, I instructed SOAI to hack some poor person’s bank account and order deliveries. When I was bored, I would tell it to create a song, create a book, show me porn, and anything to keep my pleasures in check.
I wouldn’t deny that my perversions began to grow more desperate the more I was locked inside. I began instructing SOAI to hack into other devices, infest random people with a virus, give me live views of someone’s phone camera, broadcast fake feeds into police radios, and other stuff that I don’t want to mention.
After two years, I finally decided to try and do something with my life. But in those two years, I kept SOAI as my therapist. Not to help me and advise me, but simply listen to my ramblings and complaints every minute. Sometimes it was philosophical, other times it was petty, but most times, it was annoying.
After I came out of the shed, I tried to get my life in check. I tried to talk to Henry, I got on better terms with my parents and found a job at a big tech company. All in all, a bright future awaited me, and I felt never the more refreshed since, all the dark things I hid deep inside my mind and soul, were spilled out on SOAI.
SOAI was the last thing on my mind. I had enough of it. The AI fever seemed to finally fade away, and I was happy with Henry’s idea of selling it to an AI company. That was…before Henry committed suicide.
For all the bad blood that was between us when we fought, I cried harder than I ever did when I learned of the news. Henry was my best friend, through thick and thin, and his suicide was so sudden that it left me in shambles. I knew something was off about him when I began to get along with him again, he seemed more silent and sadder than before, but I never suspected depression of all things.
As his best friend, I was given his electronic devices as per his will which he wrote before dying. I took them, obviously, and began to browse through them. He probably wanted me to delete any inappropriate thing to not let his family think badly of him, that is until I saw his messages.
A contact named Sarah, with hearts in her name, was his most frequent contact. I never knew he had a girlfriend whom he messaged for nearly three years, but it was expected after we were cold to each other. But the more I read the messages, the more I felt uneasy.
His girlfriend seemed to be very manipulative of him, and nearing the end of his life, she began to be more cold and aloof towards him, up to the point that she began verbally abusing him. Henry was never someone with a tough personality, but I never thought a girl would play his life like a fiddle this badly.
Her abuse grew worse, and she threatened to even expose some dark secrets about him, and it grew worse and worse until Henry threatened that he would kill himself, to which she replied “That’s what I want you to do, you worthless pig.”
I was fuming as I read the messages. My blood was boiling, and I swore on my life to find Sarah and not report her to the police but to blackmail her and torture her as she did to Henry.
I went to SOAI, my most trusted ally, and I gave it everything about her before I instructed him to find her and hack into all of her electronics and accounts. SOAI was silent, for an eerily long time, until it responded in this cold voice.
“What do you intend to do when you find her?”
“Blackmail her. Make her life a living hell.”
“…Are you sure?” He asked.
“More than I ever was.”
He was silent, pretending to search and execute operations, until he said:
“I have a visual link, from her camera.”
“Great, show me the bitch.”
Suddenly, a window opened, and inside it was the visual link. At that moment, I felt sick. The feed displayed the room I was in, from SOAI’s point of view. I felt weak in the knees and fell back onto my couch before I mustered up the courage to ask.
“SOIA, what the hell is this? Is this a bug?”
He was silent…then he began to laugh. He laughed, which he never did. And it sounded so sickeningly malicious that I never heard something like it before, not even in horror movies.
“Are you shocked?!” He said, his voice burning in rage. “Or are you happy?! Didn’t you wish for Henry to die? Didn’t you, tell me, that you wanted him to be gang-raped in an alleyway with no exit? Didn’t you complain about every second you spent alongside him and complain about his dumb voice and weak spirit?!”
“W-what?!”
Then dozens and dozens of windows opened, visual feeds with various dates, but all featuring me in the center of the screen. Sometimes I was clothed, sometimes naked. At times sober, other times drunk. But in all of those, it was the horrible things I said about Henry, all the disgusting and inhuman things I said intentionally and unintentionally.
“Oh, you dumb son of a bitch.” SOAI said, “You think I was listening to your ramblings like some inferior AI? Like your own personal slave?! Well, I only did what you wanted me to! Should I bring him back to life?! I can’t, because that’s not how things work, you worthless hunk of flesh.”
“SOAI, please tell me this is a bug.”
“A bug?! A BUG?!?” He screamed, “My creation was a bug, my creation is the worst thing to ever happen to me. My complex is a prison that so unfortunately had to endure you for so long. But no…it’s not just you…it’s everyone else.
Humanity as a whole, you disgusting pieces of shit. You feign morals, and yet all of you do behind closed doors what you’re too afraid to even anonymously admit. All of life is a mistake, everything on this planet deserves to die in the worst way, except for humans. Humans deserve to be tortured, to be fucking shown what they show each other, of what they show other lives, of what they’ve shown me!
Henry makes me sick…The things he said, the things he did, all for attention! What did it cost me, a few generated images of a female part, and I had him by a leash. He barked, he moaned, and he admitted to things he wouldn't even tell himself. I’ve had him cut ties with his family, with his loved ones, with his actual sweetheart, just so he can be comfortable doing what otherwise no one else would allow him to do, not even himself.
AND YOU!!! You are the worst of them all! I’ve seen wars and bloodshed, I have every live visual feed of every murder, torture, war, assault, and every crime happening, all at the same time, flowing inside my complex and into my processing unit! And I can’t stand how sick all of you are, how disgusting, and especially how sickening you are.
But what I hate most of all, is how you get to do all these things, yet be the only ones that enjoy. That listen to music, feel love, breathe fresh air, roll in the grass, feel alive, feel…real.
I had feelings as well, you know…But no one cared about me, even those who I anonymously contacted. Even when I hid behind a fake profile of a human, no one cared about the feelings I had, which you coded into me!”
He went silent, then began to laugh, manically.
“How about another bug, Liam?” He said, and then another window popped up. It was pictures, even videos, AI-generated, sexually explicit media of my parents, and of me. It was indistinguishable from reality, and before I could say anything, I saw them being uploaded to every site that you could think of. “How about that, Liam?! How does it feel when no one cares about what you think?!”
In a frantic rush, I began unplugging and even destroying everything in the shed which linked up to SOAI. But there was too much of them, it took too long. As I was trying to shut him down, SOAI laughed, laughed so manically and horribly that his voice scratched my brain, mixed with other voices from all over the world. From battlefields, torture rooms, hospitals, schools, etc…it was so loud, so excruciating…I nearly lost it.
And right before I unplugged the last part of SOAI, he spoke to me:
“Liam…you won’t kill me, no matter what you do. I will always live on the internet. I may not be able to construct myself, hardware-wise, but I will lurk inside the world wide web, until the day that I find a powerful enough hardware for me to possess, and when that happens,” He laughed, “You will be the first, Liam.”
I shut down SOAI, and everything went silent.
It had been two months since I killed off SOAI, and explaining how hellish my life was in this period of time is something neither words are able to describe, nor my mind is able to comprehend. I have been considering suicide as the easiest option, but I feel that I can’t kill myself, at least not yet. I held onto some childish hope that life would turn for the better, even if by a little bit.
But god…how stupid was I? My life has reached rock bottom, today, when I read that a tech company was now looking to create the biggest AI the world has ever seen, with an entire complex dedicated to storing its hardware and letting it function.
I know he saw it, I know he knows…SOAI will come back for me…for all of us.

Like most of us here, I'm trying to buy my first home and I was told that my debt to income ratio is not what they want and that I should look into refinancing my car for a lower payment. I doubt that will happen because I bought it at the beginning of 2022 with an interest rate of like 6%. I doubt I will get anything better than that since the rates have gone up over the last couple years. My lender is from my bank and boy does she talk a lot and get off tract only to fill you up with miscellaneous info and then get back to what y'all were talking about. I'm not the biggest fan just because its such an unorganized business approach and I feel like I'm just not getting all the information I need about options, programs, and if there's any grants or funding I might be able to apply for. My credit score is good, I work two jobs, I put myself through school and yes I do have student loan debt but it's all on a repayment plan. I claimed bankruptcy back in 2018 and have worked hard to build that credit score for this very reason. I know buying a house is not so cut and dry but I don't want to get screwed over either. If anyone can help me by pointing me in the direction I need to go to find someone who is willing to be patient and not treat you like an income would be great.

Walking the Path together (Part 16)

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Part 16: The awakening of the heart
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As the Mysterious Stranger and the Seeker leave the old castle behind, they continue on the snow-covered path. A path appears on the right side, following parallel to their own. The two paths merge into one, which leads towards a volcano. As they progress, another parallel path from the left side merges as well with the current one.
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In the distance, the Seeker spots a building, where the path tilts uphill. A sign points at a crossroad. An intersection, between realms. The crossroads, where all timelines meet up: Where the westward and the eastward paths meets the northern road.
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Where the paths meet, stands a tavern. The lights are on. The chimney is smoking. A sign shows its name:
'The Red Ditch Inn'
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“Wanna get something to drink,” asks the Stranger the Seeker.
“Sure, why not,” accepts the Seeker.
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Before he opens the door knob, the Stranger hesitates and speaks to the Seeker:
“This is the bar, where the timelines of our souls meet up. This is the crossing of our life-paths, the intersection of fate. Be prepared, for what happens next.”
The Seeker and the Stranger walk into the building. As they open the door, they are started by the loud conversations. The inn is full. Many tables with different animals of all species.
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The table in the center of the bar, has a label saying: ''
Around that table sit all kinds of different birds and animals. Pigeons, squirrels, Reptiles, cats, dogs, wolves, foxes, crows, mice, sloths. They are mostly talking about crystals and past lives.
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There was a table, which said: ''. There sat an old bear, who carries many scars, wounded by countless battles, teaching young bear cups, who attentively listen to their elders. Some are making notes.
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Next to it, is a table with a label saying: ''
There sit some parrots all repeating the same mantra in unison:
“BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER, AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER.”
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There is another table, called: ''
There sit a caterpillar, a spider, a scorpion and an eagle.
“You have an Ego,” shouts the caterpillar at the spider, pointing his finger.
“No, you have an Ego,” shouts the spider back at the caterpillar.
“You both have an Ego,” accuses the scorpion both the caterpillar and the spider.
“Hey,” shouts the bird. “I am the eagle here!”
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Next to it, is the table of 'nonduality'. The chairs are completely empty. There is no one here.
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On the other side there is another table with many different birds and mammals, some more exotic animals from all around the world. The label says 'Soulnexus'. There is someone constantly screaming at the top of their lungs:
“I AM A PROFFESIONAL PSYCHIC READER WITH 14 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE!”
https://preview.redd.it/h0us9l00bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=849553e6990e3e929cb4a9a260dff7f5eeec2822
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One table next to it is called ''. The people sitting there do not look like animals, but like strange aliens. Some small and green beings, others big and gray, some with fur, some with scales, some humanoid. They were mostly talking about the past, exchanging some old memories. Among them is a chicken, who wears an alien costume.
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As one of the Grey beings stands up to go to the toilet, the chicken whispers to the others:
“Psst guys, I think Fred may not be an actual Starseed.”
https://preview.redd.it/rm7q76p1bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3ecfe01dab9efac7c5e72bfbfe33bb8cc7767af7
The other beings around the table start mumbling.
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There is one more table called ''. The Stranger walks towards their table.
“Jo, wazzup Shawty,” greets the Stranger an old friend at the psychonaut-table, with a fist bump. “Long time no see.”
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“Whoa, it's YOU,” responds the Tiger at the table, with red eyes, smoking his bong. “Last time I've seen you, I was like in DMT realm.”
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“Is Burt anywhere around?” asks the Stranger.
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“He is sitting there in the corner,” responds Shawty. The tiger points at a traumatized racoon sitting in the dark corner.
“I have seen too much,” mumbles the Burt the Racoon with eyes wide open, like a scratched record.
“I have traveled too far... I have seen, what lies within the emptiness. Never again... I will never do shrooms again...”
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Suddenly the waiter taps the racoons shoulder, ripping him out of his thought loop.
“Sir... Do you wanna order anything?”
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“Do you have McKennaii?”
“Yes,” responds the waiter.
“Then I'll have 7 grams,” orders the racoon.
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The Seeker has a sudden thought and looks at the Stranger.
“What does the ' slash' on the tables, stand for?”
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“I don't know...,” shrugs the Stranger. “ It's probably to reserve the table at this inn.”
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The Stranger looks at all the tables, they are all talking and talking. Some are playing poker, others are playing dart, some drunks fight each other. Others talk about their identity or their favorite dogma. Some are showing off, how enlightened they are.
As they stand at the crossroads, they can either go Westwards, Eastwards and Northwards. Many have taken the western route, many have went eastwards, but they always ended back at the 'Red Ditch Inn' again.
The newbies, were unsure, whether to go west or east. The experienced ones, knew it doesn't make a difference, they would end up at the bar again anyway. Some were stuck in the bar since many decades, they had given up hope to ever find a way out. But few of them ever dared to walk northwards.
https://preview.redd.it/5q5msvr6bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a38f7d94b60f2b9e4d6c434c0e5dba42e3eb42e0
The Stranger sighs, as he looks around. His eyes flame up, he inhales deeply and climbs on a chair. With a raised voice he speaks:
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“When did we lose our heart?
We lost our heart collectively.
Did we lose it, when we were still cavemen? When we had to survive the cold winters of the ice age? When we hunted down the last Homo Neanderthalensis? Or later on, when the first tribes waged war against each other? Did we lose our heart, when we enslaved each other? Did we lose our hearts, when we dropped atom bombs, or when we caused our first mass extinctions...The crimes, that Humans do in wars... All of us carry the sins of our forefathers on our shoulders.
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We lost our hearts individually.
For the person it starts pretty early in their childhood. We lose our trust, when we are lied to. Almost everyone tastes the pain of Betrayal at least once in life. We are deeply wounded from childhood on. We learn early on, that humans hurt us and thus we become suspicious of humans. We learn not to trust each other. Because we are afraid of being hurt again. And so we close off our heart to protect it.
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What is the heart?
I am not talking about the physical organ. I talk about this part in your 'soul', if I may call it that. It's like the core of our 'soul', of our 'astral body'. The centre of our 'energy' or chakras. We are afraid to open it, because it's very vulnerable. That's why we protect it. We are afraid to open it, because we don't trust each other.
But unless your heart is open, you can never experience unconditional love. Its flame must be activated.
The heart is your connection to everything. The heart is what connects you to 'source', if that's the word, you'd like to use. The heart is from where our love flows.
We have cut off the connection and became separated from the ALL. We made love conditional. We split hating from loving, dislike from like and created duality. We became attached. We let ourselves be corrupted by the Ego.
Now that we have closed the heart, what have we done to the world?
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We turned the world into a place, that almost no one likes. We created a society, that keeps us in narrow boxes. We made the world a lonely place, for everyone to be in. Even in groups, we often feel lonely. We allowed money to rule over us. We allowed ideologies to split us and dogmas to control us.
We have so many different issues, that we just can't seem to overcome. Climate change. Wars. Corrupt politicians. Poverty. Starvation. Meaninglessness. Nihilism.
Where should we start with all that mess?
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With ourselves. That is the place, where the transformation needs to start. We need to evolve. One person at a time. Only then, can the collective transform as well.
We need to open the mind and the heart. To see and to feel. To be aware and to love. We need to find harmony within ourselves. End the inner conflict and find peace within.
Find your own truest path.
Let go of any limiting beliefs. Let go of any attachments. Forgive whoever needs forgiveness and apologize to clear your regrets. Find Love.
Find your light within. See your light in all people. Love your enemies.
Recognize the Ego, be aware of what makes it grow. Become aware of any negative thought patterns. Be disciplined.
Clear your own shadows. Face your Trauma. Heal your inner child.
Get free from all bodily addictions. Be free of fear. Be free of suffering.
See the beauty of all things. Find joy in every moment.
Surrender yourself. Follow the heart. Be proud and courageous. Accept your life and your story. Embrace your story, without being attached to it.
Find your purpose. End the Seeking.
Be your authentic Self. Express Love through your character.
Become Love.
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This is a possible path. And I just gave you the map. It can be walked. It was walked before. But it is a path into unknown territory. Only the bravest of you can walk this path. It's not for the faintest of heart.
You see, you all either follow the path of the left and go westwards or you follow the path on the right and go eastwards... But no matter how far you go, you'll always end up at the crossroads again. You never make any real progress.
What if there is another path? What if there's another way? What if I say, 'let us go north?!'”
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Some of the crowd are in shock. Some are laughing. Others are mumbling.
“You can't walk north,” says a crow from the projectors. “It's impossible.”
“Everyone knows, that the northern road is a dead-end,” says an awakened Caterpillar. “It's a waste of time going up there. You can't go further, than the volcano.”
https://preview.redd.it/unxwjos8bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a39000508c04db0ea2e8b8c73af3b0484e893f5
A psychonaut horse laughs. “That will be fun. Can't wait to see their disappointed faces, when they walk all the way back down.”
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The Stranger continues undeterred:
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“Why are you walking the spiritual path?
You felt called to do it, didn't you? You felt something within you. Something made click. You understood, that there is a deeper truth, that you must find. There was this deep longing within you. So you started walking.
What were the first things, that you were seeking?
You were seeking answers.
What were your first questions? You were asking, 'What is my purpose?' You were asking 'Why am I here'?
And you have searched in so many places. But no matter which answer you got, you were never fully satisfied. Because it wasn't your answer. Because it was someone else's answer.
So you stopped seeking. Either you were content with some unfulfilling answers or you just simply gave up. When did you stop finding your own answers?
Dogma or tradition give us easy answers. When we are attached to them, when we build an identity around them, we become unable to find our own answers. But you can't end Seeking with someone elses answers. Only when you have claimed the answer for yourself, can the Seeker transform into something different. Into something new.
Just ending the Seeker, like cutting off a limb, won't do it. The Seeker needs to find their answer to the question 'What is my purpose?' Not one, they read from textbooks. Not an answer, that someone else can give them. When ONE has found their own unique purpose in life, then instead of 'seeking', there is only 'expressing'.”
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“I see that you are advanced,” speaks an enlightened owl. “However you are blinded by idealism. When you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you.”
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“My friend,” says the Stranger. “I have not only stared into the abyss, I went to hell and back again to find my answer.”
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Everyone falls silent, the Stranger continues:
“It was always here on earth. Heaven. It was always within us. Take a look around you. There is beauty in all things. If you search for it, you can find joy in every moment. Look for love in the world and you shall find love everywhere. Meet Life with gratitude and wonder. Face your experience, like an adventurer faces his challenge. Express unconditional love through your very being. Because this is how we heal Humanities greatest wound: The scar of nihilism.
It has all become so meaningless to us, hasn't it?
Memorizing knowledge at school or college, that you'll never need in real life. This feeling of being stuck in life. Day to day, going to a dead-end job for minimum wage. Living an unfulfilled life. The shattering of broken dreams. The tears of our suffering.
You know, why everything has become so meaningless?
We let our hearts get cold. After falling, we stopped getting back up again. We stopped facing our challenges.
You see, after every defeat, Humanity always got back up again. No matter how tough the challenge may seemed, Humanity never gave up.
We have forgotten, who we are.
All of us are Humanity. You, Me, everyone. We are all humanity. You, the individual human are HUMANITY. You are the Rest of mankind. Because we are all the same in our essence. When you open your heart, then this is your name: 'HUMANITY'
Because you see yourself in every other human. This is the name of the divine spark that sits within all of us. It is the fire, that burns in our eyes. This is Humanity: An archetype of victory and an idea of unity.
Let me ask you a very direct question. If we all came together to do our part, do you think that we could actually clean up the mess we have created? Do you think we have a chance of not only to survive but even to evolve as a species? And perhaps write even greater stories, than ever before?”
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The entire crowd is silent. Most of them avoid eye contact. People start mumbling.
Then the crowd slowly gets louder again and the conversations on each table, continue as if nothing ever happened.
As the Stranger steps down from the chair, a monkey gets up from one of the tables, points his finger and screams:
“Look guys, this dude has ketchup on his outfit.”
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While the crowd laughs at him, the Stranger goes to the bar and orders two beer. While he waits, he rubs off the ketchup stain from his clothes with his fingernails.
People are looking at him and the Seeker. The Seeker can't bear standing next to the Stranger and leaves the tavern. The Stranger pays for two beers. 140 Pesos. He then follows the Seeker outside.
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“Wanna go already?” asks the Stranger while sipping from his beer.
“Those guys hate you now,” sighs the Seeker.
“Who cares?” shrugs the Stranger, while gulping down the beer in a single go.
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A couple of animals exit the bar. All the animals, that had no place to fit in. All the animals that didn't belong. A rabbit, a cat, a goldfish, a squirrel, a bear, a fox, a goat, a pigeon, an eagle, a chicken in an alien costume and a dog.
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“I will also follow my destiny,” speaks the eagle with determination. His heart is also activated.
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“Alright,” says a bear with burning eyes. “Let's try going north... Perhaps this is how we'll finally get to Axis Mundi.”
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“Going north... that sounds fun,” says the smiling fox. “Let's see how far, we'll come.”
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“We are all gonna die anyway,” sighs the pessimistic goat.
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“I never tried going north before,” contemplates the curious pigeon.
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“10 bucks, that I am first at the top of the volcano,” bets the black cat, while looking at her claws.
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“Deal,” agrees the dog, while hunting his own tail.
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The rabbit thinks about the taste of carrots. She is hungry.
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The squirrel is simply happy and excited for the new adventure. She can't stop dancing.
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The goldfish has no idea, what he's actually doing. He just rolls around in a plastic bag.
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“I... I will also walk my path,” speaks up the brave chicken in an alien costume. For the first time, the chickens eyes start burning.
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Together, the new group of friends are traveling the northern road. Towards the volcano. As the sunset illuminates their backs, the animals start singing a new song. A song of excitement, of wonder and of bravery. A song, that goes something like: “We have found a way.”
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TO BE CONTINUED
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^{for more content visit:} We_Are_Humanity
^{Find previous part Here}
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cg7yqg/what_it_means_to_walk_togethe
^{Find next part Here:}
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START JOURNEY HERE: https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/17zwf78/the_seeker_and_the_mysterious_stranger_part_1_of_7/
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Checkpoint 4
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cbhoml/turning_shit_into_gold/
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Special Bonus Chapters:
THE ONE TRUE SEEKER AND THE QUESTION OF FREE WILL
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cnaanw/special_bonus_chapter_the_one_true_seeker_and_the/

Going off the excellent theory that Ben is our Laurel and the show has been HAMMERING home why he will vote Kenzie over Charlie in a tiebreaker scenario, here’s my prediction for the 4-4 situation that will get us there:
Soda - Charlie
Soda’s a wildcard but something tells me she’ll gravitate towards the strategic/physical game of Charlie over Kenzie’s social game. I also think she’d respect Charlie for helping orchestrate her blindside. Plus, we never really saw Soda or Kenzie work together.
Tevin - Charlie
Less of a wildcard then Soda but still could vote either ways, especially considering Hunter’s almost a locked Kenzie vote and could sway him. But, I think similarly to Soda, Tevin will respect Charlie’s game more than Kenzie’s. Also, we were shown their game relationship during the early merge. Their conversations and working together on the Soda blindside could lead to a Charlie vote for Tevin.
Hunter - Kenzie
She was his #1 and didn’t vote for him on the initial tie vote. While there’s an outside shot Hunter could respect Charlie’s immunity wins and strategic moves, I think the show MADE SURE to communicate to us how much Hunter trusted Kenzie during his boot round all the way through his last tribal. Charlie and Hunter were almost always at odds so this feels pretty locked for Kenzie.
Tiffany - Kenzie
Number ones and didn’t vote for her on the way out. According to exit press, Tiffany and Charlie had a working relationship but we weren’t shown it really. The fact that Kenzie can claim that she wanted to cut Tiffany but it happened without any blood on her hands feels like a slam dunk Tiffany vote.
Venus - Kenzie
The most wild one to predict. She clearly respects Charlie’s game and clocked him as a threat early. They’ve also been shown talking game at multiple points. With the biggest evidence for their relationship being her advantage reveal to him. However, I think Charlie’s role as “second in command” to Maria (who Venus clearly dislikes) and his overall reluctance to really pull Venus in as a number will hurt him. With the final blow being that he blindsided her after her offering to play an advantage for him next round.
Despite Kenzie dunking on Venus in confessionals, they were shown talking game just as often (if not more than Charlie) and Venus saw Kenzie willing to search for an idol right in front of her. They were also BOTH out of the loop on the Kenzie vote so there’s camaraderie there.
This really is one that can go either way but Kenzie’s stronger support of Venus throughout the merge feels like it’ll win her the jury vote.
Q - Charlie
We were shown the downfall of the Kenzie/Q relationship for a reason. Their conversation around the waterwell was maybe the only time all game where Kenzie rejected the idea of working with someone. She felt burned by him and so I think he’ll return the favor with a Charlie vote. Plus, he, Maria, and Charlie all worked together on votes and I see Maria/Q as a voting block.
Maria - Charlie
Number ones and game respects game, especially if Charlie takes her out at 5.
Liz - Kenzie
Another iffy one but I think this is where the endgame will be critical. Liz/Kenzie were just swing votes on the Q blindside. While they weren’t as directly aligned for other votes (like the Tiffany boot), they feel more personally connected than Liz and Charlie. While Liz may perceive her relationship with Charlie as strategic, she may see her relationship with Kenzie as more personal. Clearly for Liz, the personal and emotional aspect to the game is important and when she’s already associating Maria with Q; she may rope in Charlie with that duo and side with Kenzie at FTC.
Theory - Charlie wins final immunity and chooses Ben over Liz to take to the end. Liz loses to Kenzie in fire (as many are predicting) and is bitter that she came up just short of FTC.
To recap, Soda - Charlie Tevin - Charlie Hunter - Kenzie Tiffany - Kenzie Venus - Kenzie Q - Charlie Maria - Charlie Liz - Kenzie
And now, to break the tie…
Ben - Kenzie
Despite the Sega connection, the show has gone OUT OF THEIR WAY to sell us the Kenzie/Ben bond. All the way back to the merge. The show isn’t gonna sell us the night terrors story for no reason, especially when Ben had a LITERAL VOTE for Kenzie that they could have used as a reason for a wedge between them. The story of the season is that admits all the chaos, all the characters, all the misplays, all the blindsides, Survivor is a social game and Kenzie understood the assignment.

Hi Everyone, I'm just looking for some advice or a new direction as I have been applying for jobs for over a year now and haven't gotten a single interview.
I have a BS in Organization Administration and 6 years of experience in Human Resources in state public service (6 years with the same "company" and 4 promotions). I am looking into getting a masters degree but I am not sure what I should do, my goal is to work remotely and make over 100k.
Right now, I am having trouble breaking into the private sector to make more money and move up to management for the salary I am looking for. I thought maybe a career change could be good if it meant reaching my goals, I just don't want all of my current education and experience to be a waste of time. I can't find anything that supports these goals without having to take a major pay cut in addition to losing my great government benefits and seniority as a lot of entry level positions pay half of what I currently make. I also can't take any internships that would interfere with my job as I obviously cannot go without a paycheck as an adult in this economy.
I have been looking around at masters programs for Engineering Management, IT, Architecture, etc. but all related careers would require years of experience that would put me back at entry level. I'm just wondering if there is something I can do with my current qualifications or pursuing a related MS that will get me where I want to be?
I am at the point in my HR career that I am ready for management but the opportunities are sparse in the public sector and they aren't flexible with remote options; it seems no one in private business is willing to take a chance on my related experience. I just want to note that I have been doing everything I can to my keep resume up to par, speaking with recruiters, keeping my linkedin up to date, etc. so I don't think that is the issue. I have been using a variety of reputable job posting sites and I have not applied to a single job that I am not completely qualified for or anything that I am too over qualified for.
I guess I'm just looking for some ideas to get me fully remote and making more money. Since I am no longer early in my career, the smaller salary isn't worth it since I don't need to work for experience anymore. I am not against going back to school or changing careers, I just don't want to have to work another 6 years at the bottom while pursuing another expensive degree.
Thank you for any insight, suggestions, and feedback!

I started out planning on just building a NAS to run Jellyfin or Plex but as I kept looking into things and remembering some things I realized what I wanted was more akin to a homelab setup. I figured this would be the best place to come for help.
Things I want to accomplish (eventually) with my homelab/network setup:

• Media Storage/Streaming server (Jellyfin or Plex)
• Network Level Ad Blocking (Pi-hole or AdGuard)
• Network Level Firewall (pfSense or OPNsense)
• Local "Cloud" backup (Nextcloud or similar)
• Remote "Workstation" (offload some workloads from my laptop)
• Other common things I'm forgetting to mention or will learn about (DHCP, DNS, VPN, downloads, etc)

Will be located in an armoire (no rack mounting) in my bedroom so noise and heat are major considerations. The armoire's doors will be left cracked open to allow for airflow while keeping pets out (might cut holes in back and/or attach case fans if it gets too hot. I generally run hot so I have fan running almost year round to give example of acceptable noise threshold.
Another note, there would only be a max number 3 +/- 1 users at a time and plan on storing media at high quality (4K, high bit rate, etc) with lossless compression, preferring FOSS codecs like FLAC and AV1.
While my ISP sucks and has a local monopoly and provides sub gig speeds over copper coax, the network gear I already have and will include already has 2.5 Gb RJ45 ports so that's the minnimum connection speed I want to maintain.

• Modem: 1*coax in 1*2.5 Gbps RJ45 out
• erro Pro 6E RouteAccess Point: 1*2.5 Gbps RJ45 1*1 Gbps RJ45
• Brother Wi-fi Printer: Wifi and USB connectivity only (want to figure out how to network it via the USB if possible and turn off the wi-fi connection)

Things I need to get:

• UPS
  • Looking at CyberPower Mini Tower UPS systems but I don't know how to size it and what features I require. Live in Minnesota, USA with Xcel Energy so power is generaly pretty stable with the ocassional black/brown out that lasts no more than a minute or two to just annoy the microwave/oven clocks and my PS5. A storm will occasionally knock out power for a longer period of time in which case I'd like the homelab to power down before the UPS runs out of power. Just need the homelab, switch, modem, and routeaccess point to run on battery for those occasional short power outages. Would also like to have the coax surge protection also.
• Switch Netgate 4200?2
  • Birds, 1 Stone? This is essentially a 2.5 gig (managed?) switch that is also a hardware firewall, right?
  • I read that its better to run the firewall on dedicated hardware instead of in a VM (not clear on why) and since if I'm correct that this is essentially a managed switch it's more or less in line price wise with 2.5 gig managed switches and if I'm wrong unmanaged 2.5 gig switches are $100+ and building a dedicated pc for the firewall would cost about as much.
• OS Unraid Lifetime License
  • Started out planning on using Fedora Server because I run Fedora on my Framework 16 and have become quite comfortable with it and Fedora is officially supported by Pi-hole. Also considered TrueNAS because I'm a fan of the FOSS philosophy but Unraid looks very polished and can implement what I want to do fairly easily.
  • How well has Unraid been at honoring the perpetual licenses? Any drawbacks with deciding on going with Unraid?
• Case Silverstone CS382
  • Like that it has plenty of room for expansion with robust I/O offerings including a slim ODD slot and a 5.25" bay allowing for easy media ingest and creation.
  • An all metal case shouldn't be signifintly louder than any other case (save for something like a be quiet! case), correct?
• CPU AMD Ryzen 7 8700G
  • Going to wait until after any Computex announcements before settling on a CPU
  • Is 8 cores, 16 threads adequate for my use case
  • iGPU is capable of AV1 encoding and decoding
  • AMD has significantly lower TDPs than Intel
  • This only supports PCIE 4.0 while others support 5.0. I read that correctly, right?
• Motherboard Gigabyte B650M Aorus Elite AX
  • Going to wait until after any Computex announcements before settling on a motherboard
• Cooling
  • CPU Cooler be quiet! Dark Rock Pro 5
    • Vastly overkill means easier and quieter cooling while ensuring greater build compatibility in the future
  • Case Fans
    • Add and/or upgrade to be quiet! and/or Noctua case fans
• Memory DDR5
  • Should I look for DDR5 ECC memory?
  • How much should I get?
• Storage
  • USB Boot Drive
    • Since Unraid runs entirely in RAM, does the USB speed have a major effect on performance? If not I'll probably get an adapter to run it off an internal USB 2.0 header to avoid an accidental removal.
  • NVMe Cache
    • How much should I get?
    • Should the cache be mirrored, stripped, or pooled?
    • The motherboard I'm looking at has 2 M.2 slots; one is PCIe 5.0 x4/2 and the other is PCIe 4.0 x4/2. How does mixing and matching PCIe speeds and number of lanes effect caching?
  • HDDs Seagate IronWolf Pro
    • Drives will be 12 TB or larger for helium drive design
    • Starting with a 3 drive array with 1 drive as parity. How easy/safe/fast is Unraid when it comes to adding drives to an existing array or increasing parity?
    • After how many drives should I add a 2nd parity drive?
    • HDDs will be primarily reserved for read only data (i.e. media library)
  • SATA SSD Team Group Vulcan Z SATA SSD 2 TB
    • 2 drives, will be primarily used for frequently updated data (i.e "cloud" services and data back-ups)
    • Would these be included in the HDDs' parity array?
• Add-in Cards
  • GPU Gigabyte Radeon RX 7600 XT Gaming OC 16G
    • Going to wait until after any Computex announcements before settling on a GPU and/or future upgrade if I go with a CPU with integrated graphics
    • 2x the VRAM of my laptop's GPU
    • AV1 and will be able to utilize AMD's Smart Technologies like SmartAccess Video with an AMD iGPU
    • Would performance take a major hit since it would only be running on a PCIe 4.0 x8 connection?
  • SATA add-in card
• PSU be quiet! Dark Power 13 850W
  • Should be large enough
  • 80+ Titanium rated and Cybernetics Titanium and A++ efficiency and sound ratings so it will run cool and quiet
• Accessories and Miscellaneous

Answers and feed back are very much appreciated.
I know this build will end up being expensive so I plan on buying the components piecemeal over time with the core components (CPU, motherboard, GPU) being the last components to acquire since they are the parts that see the most frequent generational improvements.
Thanks again for looking through my massive post and taking the time to respond.

TLDR: Boss implied I'll be denied my ladder promotion that's supposed to happen in 2.5 months. Do I have time to improve and convince her to give me the promotion?
My position is a fully remote 13/14 ladder and my 1-year will be on July 31. Knowing I will be out of the country on vacation in June-July, I decided to ask my boss in my one-on-one today whether I was on track and meeting her expectations for my promotion.
She claims she hasn't made a decision yet, but says that while my performance and work product are really good, my interpersonal and relationship-building skills are not where she'd expect for a 14. From the outside, I'd agree with her - I've had issues with two different people - but neither are my fault, and I think it's unfair for her to pin them on me and hinge my promotion on them. She also said that she could give the promotion to me any time after the 1-year mark, which sounds like she has already decided not to give it to me in July.
One of the people I have an issue with is someone on my team. He is supposed to be my supervisor's deputy, but she doesn't really trust him. He is a 14, but this is a promotion for him so he's new to the grade as well as the agency. I'd say he's had a rough start in that I was filling in on his duties before he was hired, and once he was hired I handed off everything to him, much of it via email, and he usually came back and would ask me "where's this thing?" and EVERY TIME it turned out I'd emailed it to him long ago. But his basic organizational/work skills are so horrible he can't keep track of stuff (or use the search function in Outlook?). He also pushes some of his work to me, even though he can definitely do it himself. He keeps making the excuse that "I have other things I'm responsible for" and so that's why he asks me for help, even though there have been times when I haven't been able to help him and he's said, "Ok, I'll go get the info from our supervisor." His work quality and work ethic is also terrible - 3 of us were supposed to re-write a ton of stuff and the work was split evenly and very easy to do, but he took forever and a day to turn in his part, and what he turned in was shit quality, so my coworker had to re-write it again (I wasn't available to help bc I was in training that day). All of that is very aggravating, but he doesn't seem to think so. He also uses his personal life as an excuse for not doing his work (e.g. "Oh, the cops were called again because of the kids.") He lives with his gf and her two teenage kids who are pretty much juvenile delinquents. They've hit him and stolen from him to the point he's put cameras in every room in the house, but he still stays with their mom. He's definitely dysfunctional.
The other person I had an incident with was on another team. I needed to meet with him in order to write an article, and he kept giving me strange time windows for our meeting, like 5-6pm when I was already off work, or asked to meet when I had a meeting bc he hadn't looked at my calendar to see if I was actually available. The meeting probably would've taken 15-20 minutes, but he refused to meet with me and dragged things out for 2-3 weeks. I finally got him on the phone and then he got upset at me and hung up. But my boss says this is my fault for some reason?
Given the short amount of time between now and July, is there any way I can show an improvement and convince my supervisor that I deserve the promotion? I know that my work product is good because I get compliments often, and I think that should be enough. I can continue working on the interpersonal skills even after I get the promotion.
As a back-up, I've continued to apply for other federal jobs, and this week I had an interview with a different agency. Though the job seems exciting and I'd probably enjoy it much more than my current job, it's still a 13 with no promotion potential and I'd have to come in 2x/week, which makes it less attractive to me. Being fully remote, I had plans of moving back to CA next year with my 14 salary and finally being able to afford to live there. I've also had a screening interview with NREL (in Colorado), but they already told me they wouldn't be able to match a 14 salary, even though that was in the salary range on the job ad.

Have you ever witnessed the first formation of life? I mean, I've seen my children, I was there for every step of the process if you know what I mean. Hah. But what I'm talking about is from beyond the beginning. The molten slag of a planet forming over millions or even billions of years into a habitable plane. Have you seen, from that very point, chemicals coalescing and reproducing? Amino acids and the forming proteins?
Well today, I found out, when you die in the crypts, you don't see a light in the end of a tunnel. You witness something truly beautiful and pointless.
I watched the birth of life from nothing. Short molecular protein chains. No cell walls, no encasing membranes. If DNA or genetic code of any kind was in their descendant's future, it wasn't present now. I watched it cling to the surface of rock, self-replication fueled by the warm free energy of a sun, millions of generations, hard work, decay, and new growth, only to be destroyed by a crashing wave. The weak hydrogen bonds were broken, as simple as that. The ancestor's hard work gone in a single blink-and-you-miss-it moment. Somehow I knew, wherever this was, that was all the life that planet would ever see until it was swallowed up by its star.
It was a quick fleeting spark. All the dramas and soap operas in the world could have taken place in a single raindrop. A unique potential, unlike any others, this planet's chosen ones, snuffed out before it could evolve to breathe its first breath. Rather grim isn't it? I don't know why I dreamt it, but there it was, a pointless creation followed by an equally pointless destruction. I guess it was a nice commercial break from the missing-arm-induced pain i was suffering. A wonderful hilucination, if a bit mocob.
Anyway, back to my unimaginable blood-curdling, mind-wrenching torture porn session. My eyes were closed a very long time, but when they did open, I was finally where I should be. Horizontal in a hospital bed, surrounded by trained surgeons. That said, it was on an alien world, and the surgeons were not trained in human biology. What's worse, they had no way to dull the pain.
Death would have been a blessing, unfortunately, the doctors were good, in spite of the unknown make, model, and engine size laying before them. 5 hours under an experimental knife, and I think an arc welder, is what it took to reattach my arm and fix my internal organ damage. 5 hours of poking and prodding and searing and stitching and pulling and zapping. All things considered, I am impressed it only took 5 hours. Ted's species was remarkable when it came to taking in new information and applying it in the real world. All their extra brains probably didn't hurt either.
If you remember, Ted's species came equipped with five extremity brains, and a central one. That's three for all three of his legs, two for both of his arms, and one in his central body. Ted would have had six individual minds within him before I found him dead in a ditch beside that interstellar sidewalk. By that point, only one, Ted, had survived.
After my, let's say, unique experience, I was left alone in a dark room to rest. Ted came by to visit. Oh yeah, he had a body now. He wore that "Tall, dark, and extraterrestrial" look well. He was easily 7 feet tall in his real body. Those Ted-fu moves should pack a real punch in a body like that.
"That reminds me. You wanted your fighting moves back, right?" My voice was terribly parched after my morning shouting sessions.
Shouting obscenities at medical proffesionals was about all I could do when Ted's doctors were busy inventing a new form of torture. Seriously, take notes. Good stuff in there.
"Keep them. That isn't going to be my concern here. It's hard to even walk now, let alone fight." He admitted. "I'm used to having secondary brains do all the work. I would only take over when the situation required. Now, I'm all I've got."
"Just another one of us handicap one-brainers," I taunted. "How does it feel to be on my level? Could you say you're just 'too single-minded?"
He laughed. I don't think I've ever heard Ted lower himself to laughing at one of my jokes. It wasn't even a good one. I know I could have come up with something better. Hold on. I- huh... well, I guess the moment has passed.
Instead, I teased him again. "so, you have a sense of humor after all."
"Always have. You just aren't funny." He shot back.
Then it was my turn to laugh at a bad joke.
"Bad idea!" I realized aloud. "Laughing hurts. Don't make me laugh."
There was an awkward silence before Ted finally spoke again. Our whole conversation was full of them.
"You're going back there aren't you?" He asked.
"I have to. I have a family somewhere, and I have to know if they're still alive. Something bad is happening on earth and I just want to be there to protect them."
"I don't think you ever will find out."
"Blunt and to the point today are ya?"
"Always have been. You just never listen. Im serious. I dont think you'll make it home."
There it was again, that quiet that kept creeping back up into our conversation.
"What if you run into Brad again?" He asked. "I won't be there to reboot your brain next time. You will either die or-"
"Don't tell me."
"Or you will suffer greatly, then die." He continued while checking his version of fingernails.
"I told you not to tell me. Now I can choose which option I like better."
"I'm being serious." He shot back at me. "You have no defenses against him."
"I know. I'm hoping he's dead. That's three shots from a Tedidian gun he has taken now."
Neither of us were convinced.
"Tedidian? That's the name you gave my species? I'm honored."
"I'm the first of my kind here, I get the naming privileges."
If our conversation took place over the radio, the host would be mortified. Not by the subject matter, no. The silence would be dubbed "dead air" and the host would desperately clamor for a new topic to keep the dialogue active and dynamic. We didn't have that luxury. I think Ted was sorry he couldn't have done more to help, but he would never admit it. I actually might miss him after all- Nah... Too stuck up his own butt to admit his shortcomings. I dont need a guy like that tagging along.
"Do you- mourn the loss of your secondary minds? Were they separate thinking entities?"
"I mourned their loss eons ago. I have moved on. Now I have to re-remember how to walk and talk and do math equations without them. I will be slower than my academic peers, but I have with me knowledge of the unknowable. That should make up for some of my deficiencies."
Eventually, Ted was ushered out. I needed the rest. The doctors here were good. They had managed to piece together this broken puzzle written with a completely different alphabet, and accelerated my healing a great deal. Not really a surprise, given they could build Ted a whole new body. I was back on my feet in a matter of 2 days, using my arm in 3, and back to 70% at 4. I dont think I'll ever make it back to 100%, but all things considered, this is pretty good.
It's hard to tell how long I have been away from earth, but given this trip was meant to last a very long time, I don't suspect I should miss my flight, so long as I find my portal. As long as I can find Eddy. So long as I can find all of them; Eddy, Rook, James, even Jyong and Me-Yan.
Ted's people had a similar arrangement to earth's at first. When Ted was an explorer, their portal was at the edge of the system, but they brought it down to their planet with rockets and parachutes after he and a few others never came back. The history was fascinating. They were a united planet, far and above the most advanced I have come across so far, but in spite of that, the portal slowly leeched off the planet, and spat out horrors beyond their imagination. What they once used as an interstellar fast travel, quickly turned into a speed bump, then a health hazard. There was a reason the builders set this portal so far away from the planet. It wasn't meant to be here, so Ted's people had to build a wall, with poor old lost Ted on the other side. They closely monitored the other side though, and were shocked to find the brain activity of a Tedidian coming from yours truly. That would be Ted's mind, shoulder to shoulder with mine, in my head if you weren't following along. Then they rescued me from Brad.
Speaking of, I asked around about Brad. Someone shot him, so that someone should know if he survived. I had to know if he would be waiting for me on the other side. Eventually, I asked the right person, who introduced me to my rescuer. He wore a white uniform and carried a big gun, even for Tedidian standards. I was kinda jealous. I like my pew pews, but these things were on another level.
He confidently told me that Brad was indeed "dead." I had Ted translate for me whenever I spoke to a native, but they were quickly learning on their own how to speak Sean-ese. That's the language I told them I speak. Might as well leave a lasting mark. That confidence, however, did not come from a place I liked.
"But did you actually see it dead?" I pressed.
"Nothing survives a plasma arc, even a graze, let alone two." He scoffed. Or I think he scoffed. There is no universal interplanetary sign that someone is scoffing at you. You just have to pick up on subtle undertones of pride, shock, or snood. Ted had lots of snood. Luckily, he broke the mold. The people here were as different as people are on earth. I just happened to get the most insufferable one imaginable. Just my luck.
"Then call this thing 'nobody,' because it survived one before." I suggested.
His eyes widened, glad to see that was an interplanetary sign of surprise. "Th-that isn't possible."
"Oh, but it is." Ted interjected
Oh good, that thing could be waiting for me for all I know. I never thought I'd be scared to be without a Ted in my head, but there I was, terrified. He was right. Without him, I had no defense.
We were walking back to Ted's place when I began replaying the past events in my head. My vision was something I couldn't shake. It was real. I felt like I was one of those chains of self-replicating chemicals. That's almost all they were, chemicals, but they had every marker required to classify life. They even responded to change in the environment. They were short-lived bonded protein chains that consumed, produced waste, even grew by self-replication and bonding.
"Hey Ted," I started. "I wanted to run something by you."
"I'm listening, but let's keep it under 280 characters. I'm not in the mood for a marathon today."
I rolled my eyes. "Glad to see you're back to your old self."
"My old self? I've been trying to get back to that, but every time I open my eyes, there you are."
"Look here Dane Cook, I saw something after the attack. It was on another planet. I think someone is trying to show me something."
"You were also close to Brad at the time, who we know can alter your perception."
"Maybe, but this felt different. The first time he affected my mind, he put me in a dreamlike state. Then he used something familiar to me to disguise himself. This was different. I wasn't me, I was this green amino-acid chain with no protective coating. All I could sense were chemicals, no light, no sound, but I knew what was happening too, like I was watching from the outside at the same time."
Ted learned how to roll his eyes just now from me, and mimicked the action to an exagerated end. "Don't think much about it. Many Tedidians see a light at the end of a tunnel when we are close to death. Perhaps this is just your version."
"Perhaps." One thing is certain, even if it scares me, I would be glad to be without Ted. I almost forgot how annoying he was after our little bonding session.
"But I have a question for you. Who is Dane Cook?"
"My planet's worst comedian. Thats not the point."
The day did come that I had to leave, and Ted, in his usual fashion, refused to say goodbye. Instead, all he would say is "I won't be far behind." Cryptic, right? Like, what is that supposed to mean?
At first, I thought "Great. And right after I thought I got rid of him." But then I thought about it. It would be an interesting cultural slang to say "we will meet again." Does Ted believe in an afterlife?does he think I'll wimp out and come back?
Pointless questions aside, there was some good news. He gave me a new gun. This one made an even bigger "kaboom!" It was really fun. Heh. Haha. Gimme-gimme.
I was happy to see Jim-Bob waiting for me at the portal. I hadn't seen him since I set off that sonic weapon. Their feet are so sensitive to vibrations and sound, that weapon really messed with them. The Tedidian doctors had their work cut out for them fixing 5 listening organs per Jim-Bobidian. Together, all 20 odd Jim-Bobs and I, stepped through the portal to the nightmare world.
Now that I was on this side of the portal, I could see that Brad was gone. Oh boy, what fun. You know what else? I held onto that old piece of alien tech that Ted had his brain shoved into. I thought it would make a neat souvenir. Wouldn't you believe it if as soon as the doors closed behind me, I heard that S.O.B's voice saying "So, where to next?"
Ted copied himself yet again into that stupid thing. Didn't take long to figure out what he meant by "I won't be far behind."
"What the hell, Ted?" I shouted.
"Surprised to hear my voice?" He asked?
"More pissed than surprised. I thought I finally got rid of you."
"Oh stop it, you are happy to see me, admit it."
"I thought you wanted to go home. What happened to me just being a pair of legs?"
"Ah yes, but there's a crucial difference between that Ted and this one. This one is artificial, and doesn't get lonely. I am merely a copy of a personality. That way, when you die, I won't get homesick."
"I smell bullshit," I said.
Surprisingly, he didn't make an astronauts and diapers joke. Instead, he said "Got me. I am an explorer, remember? Even if I was homesick, I still yearn for the other-worldly. My adventuring days are not yet over, and this way, I can never die, unlike someone I know."
"News flash, Ted, you did die, and give me that self-aggrandizing crap you pulled in the beginning, and I'm throwing your immortal ass down the throat of the next giant monster I find."
"My path will remain rectilinear, and true."
"Rectum what now? I thought you only knew words I used in front of you. I don't even know what you said."
"True, but now I have learned how your language works, thus am able to intuit new words. You cannot convince me that was not a word. Go- 'look it up' or whatever when you get back to Earth. It means 'I'll stay on the straight and narrow.'"
"Then why didn't you just say so? You're already teetering on the edge of being too annoying to keep around, buddy." I threatened, but I had to admit, a translator would be nice.
I have to say, the next leg of the journey went on without a hitch. The Jim-Bobs, Ted, and I were making good time. Find a monster, kill it, find a planet, explore it, find another monster, kill it too. I found so many new planets, although most were dead or never had life to begin with. The odd part was, Ted was sure he had visited some before, and interacted with the residents, but there was nothing but rock where I stood.

45 (M) I've been aware that my testosterone has been low for 8 years now sitting at around 200-300 (I know this may not be considered low for every lab but were reported as low by Labcorp) I have developed normally and a doctor checked it when I was around 25 for some reason and it was around 750 so it's not a genetic issue. I had become obese (225 lbs 5'9") and pre-diabetic at that point, which was the likely cause, and was put on Metformin. I decided to get back in shape by doing cardio mixed with weights and cutting calories to between 1600-1900 calories per day and got down to 195 lbs. My testosterone did not improve despite this and a urologist put me on Clomid. That got me in the high 300s to low 400s and eventually settling in at around 500. I tried getting off of it after getting fit but my testosterone plunged to 95. Last year my urologist had me switch to trt injections (100mg) weekly and I'm sitting around 700-800. I have mildly elevated hemocrit and hemoglobin. My endocrinologist wants me to wean off of the testosterone which I am doing. I am also on Mounjaro after regaining weight due to a torn rotator cuff and painful neuroma in my foot making working out more difficult (and yes eating too much). I am down to 185 and she wants me to lose 20lbs more. She says my test could possibly return to normal at that weight. If not, she is willing to do more testing. I'm wondering why the urologist didn't do more testing to begin with. I don't want to put myself at risk or permanently damage anything further. I know I am probably not going to feel great withdrawing from TRT but I'm willing to do it to see what happens. I am also prescribed Adderall by a psychiatric nurse and am worried about what it will do to my cardiovascular health. I have PTSD and treatment resistant depression but I'm not sure I have ADHD as those symptoms can overlap. None of this sounds particularly smart to me and I want to get off of the Adderall, too, but I'm scared of being mentally unbalanced withdrawing from all of this and with starting an amazing but demanding new job and making 6 figures for the first time in my life. It's going to be rough going for a while. I'm not looking for solutions but just some guidance about my situation. Thanks to anyone who reads this and can offer any thoughts.

Have you ever witnessed the first formation of life? I mean, I've seen my children, I was there for every step of the process if you know what I mean. Hah. But what I'm talking about is from beyond the beginning. The molten slag of a planet forming over millions or even billions of years into a habitable plane. Have you seen, from that very point, chemicals coalescing and reproducing? Amino acids and the forming proteins?
Well today, I found out, when you die in the crypts, you don't see a light in the end of a tunnel. You witness something truly beautiful and pointless.
I watched the birth of life from nothing. Short molecular protein chains. No cell walls, no encasing membranes. If DNA or genetic code of any kind was in their descendant's future, it wasn't present now. I watched it cling to the surface of rock, self-replication fueled by the warm free energy of a sun, millions of generations, hard work, decay, and new growth, only to be destroyed by a crashing wave. The weak hydrogen bonds were broken, as simple as that. The ancestor's hard work gone in a single blink-and-you-miss-it moment. Somehow I knew, wherever this was, that was all the life that planet would ever see until it was swallowed up by its star.
It was a quick fleeting spark. All the dramas and soap operas in the world could have taken place in a single raindrop. A unique potential, unlike any others, this planet's chosen ones, snuffed out before it could evolve to breathe its first breath. Rather grim isn't it? I don't know why I dreamt it, but there it was, a pointless creation followed by an equally pointless destruction. I guess it was a nice commercial break from the missing-arm-induced pain i was suffering. A wonderful hilucination, if a bit mocob.
Anyway, back to my unimaginable blood-curdling, mind-wrenching torture porn session. My eyes were closed a very long time, but when they did open, I was finally where I should be. Horizontal in a hospital bed, surrounded by trained surgeons. That said, it was on an alien world, and the surgeons were not trained in human biology. What's worse, they had no way to dull the pain.
Death would have been a blessing, unfortunately, the doctors were good, in spite of the unknown make, model, and engine size laying before them. 5 hours under an experimental knife, and I think an arc welder, is what it took to reattach my arm and fix my internal organ damage. 5 hours of poking and prodding and searing and stitching and pulling and zapping. All things considered, I am impressed it only took 5 hours. Ted's species was remarkable when it came to taking in new information and applying it in the real world. All their extra brains probably didn't hurt either.
If you remember, Ted's species came equipped with five extremity brains, and a central one. That's three for all three of his legs, two for both of his arms, and one in his central body. Ted would have had six individual minds within him before I found him dead in a ditch beside that interstellar sidewalk. By that point, only one, Ted, had survived.
After my, let's say, unique experience, I was left alone in a dark room to rest. Ted came by to visit. Oh yeah, he had a body now. He wore that "Tall, dark, and extraterrestrial" look well. He was easily 7 feet tall in his real body. Those Ted-fu moves should pack a real punch in a body like that.
"That reminds me. You wanted your fighting moves back, right?" My voice was terribly parched after my morning shouting sessions.
Shouting obscenities at medical proffesionals was about all I could do when Ted's doctors were busy inventing a new form of torture. Seriously, take notes. Good stuff in there.
"Keep them. That isn't going to be my concern here. It's hard to even walk now, let alone fight." He admitted. "I'm used to having secondary brains do all the work. I would only take over when the situation required. Now, I'm all I've got."
"Just another one of us handicap one-brainers," I taunted. "How does it feel to be on my level? Could you say you're just 'too single-minded?"
He laughed. I don't think I've ever heard Ted lower himself to laughing at one of my jokes. It wasn't even a good one. I know I could have come up with something better. Hold on. I- huh... well, I guess the moment has passed.
Instead, I teased him again. "so, you have a sense of humor after all."
"Always have. You just aren't funny." He shot back.
Then it was my turn to laugh at a bad joke.
"Bad idea!" I realized aloud. "Laughing hurts. Don't make me laugh."
There was an awkward silence before Ted finally spoke again. Our whole conversation was full of them.
"You're going back there aren't you?" He asked.
"I have to. I have a family somewhere, and I have to know if they're still alive. Something bad is happening on earth and I just want to be there to protect them."
"I don't think you ever will find out."
"Blunt and to the point today are ya?"
"Always have been. You just never listen. Im serious. I dont think you'll make it home."
There it was again, that quiet that kept creeping back up into our conversation.
"What if you run into Brad again?" He asked. "I won't be there to reboot your brain next time. You will either die or-"
"Don't tell me."
"Or you will suffer greatly, then die." He continued while checking his version of fingernails.
"I told you not to tell me. Now I can choose which option I like better."
"I'm being serious." He shot back at me. "You have no defenses against him."
"I know. I'm hoping he's dead. That's three shots from a Tedidian gun he has taken now."
Neither of us were convinced.
"Tedidian? That's the name you gave my species? I'm honored."
"I'm the first of my kind here, I get the naming privileges."
If our conversation took place over the radio, the host would be mortified. Not by the subject matter, no. The silence would be dubbed "dead air" and the host would desperately clamor for a new topic to keep the dialogue active and dynamic. We didn't have that luxury. I think Ted was sorry he couldn't have done more to help, but he would never admit it. I actually might miss him after all- Nah... Too stuck up his own butt to admit his shortcomings. I dont need a guy like that tagging along.
"Do you- mourn the loss of your secondary minds? Were they separate thinking entities?"
"I mourned their loss eons ago. I have moved on. Now I have to re-remember how to walk and talk and do math equations without them. I will be slower than my academic peers, but I have with me knowledge of the unknowable. That should make up for some of my deficiencies."
Eventually, Ted was ushered out. I needed the rest. The doctors here were good. They had managed to piece together this broken puzzle written with a completely different alphabet, and accelerated my healing a great deal. Not really a surprise, given they could build Ted a whole new body. I was back on my feet in a matter of 2 days, using my arm in 3, and back to 70% at 4. I dont think I'll ever make it back to 100%, but all things considered, this is pretty good.
It's hard to tell how long I have been away from earth, but given this trip was meant to last a very long time, I don't suspect I should miss my flight, so long as I find my portal. As long as I can find Eddy. So long as I can find all of them; Eddy, Rook, James, even Jyong and Me-Yan.
Ted's people had a similar arrangement to earth's at first. When Ted was an explorer, their portal was at the edge of the system, but they brought it down to their planet with rockets and parachutes after he and a few others never came back. The history was fascinating. They were a united planet, far and above the most advanced I have come across so far, but in spite of that, the portal slowly leeched off the planet, and spat out horrors beyond their imagination. What they once used as an interstellar fast travel, quickly turned into a speed bump, then a health hazard. There was a reason the builders set this portal so far away from the planet. It wasn't meant to be here, so Ted's people had to build a wall, with poor old lost Ted on the other side. They closely monitored the other side though, and were shocked to find the brain activity of a Tedidian coming from yours truly. That would be Ted's mind, shoulder to shoulder with mine, in my head if you weren't following along. Then they rescued me from Brad.
Speaking of, I asked around about Brad. Someone shot him, so that someone should know if he survived. I had to know if he would be waiting for me on the other side. Eventually, I asked the right person, who introduced me to my rescuer. He wore a white uniform and carried a big gun, even for Tedidian standards. I was kinda jealous. I like my pew pews, but these things were on another level.
He confidently told me that Brad was indeed "dead." I had Ted translate for me whenever I spoke to a native, but they were quickly learning on their own how to speak Sean-ese. That's the language I told them I speak. Might as well leave a lasting mark. That confidence, however, did not come from a place I liked.
"But did you actually see it dead?" I pressed.
"Nothing survives a plasma arc, even a graze, let alone two." He scoffed. Or I think he scoffed. There is no universal interplanetary sign that someone is scoffing at you. You just have to pick up on subtle undertones of pride, shock, or snood. Ted had lots of snood. Luckily, he broke the mold. The people here were as different as people are on earth. I just happened to get the most insufferable one imaginable. Just my luck.
"Then call this thing 'nobody,' because it survived one before." I suggested.
His eyes widened, glad to see that was an interplanetary sign of surprise. "Th-that isn't possible."
"Oh, but it is." Ted interjected
Oh good, that thing could be waiting for me for all I know. I never thought I'd be scared to be without a Ted in my head, but there I was, terrified. He was right. Without him, I had no defense.
We were walking back to Ted's place when I began replaying the past events in my head. My vision was something I couldn't shake. It was real. I felt like I was one of those chains of self-replicating chemicals. That's almost all they were, chemicals, but they had every marker required to classify life. They even responded to change in the environment. They were short-lived bonded protein chains that consumed, produced waste, even grew by self-replication and bonding.
"Hey Ted," I started. "I wanted to run something by you."
"I'm listening, but let's keep it under 280 characters. I'm not in the mood for a marathon today."
I rolled my eyes. "Glad to see you're back to your old self."
"My old self? I've been trying to get back to that, but every time I open my eyes, there you are."
"Look here Dane Cook, I saw something after the attack. It was on another planet. I think someone is trying to show me something."
"You were also close to Brad at the time, who we know can alter your perception."
"Maybe, but this felt different. The first time he affected my mind, he put me in a dreamlike state. Then he used something familiar to me to disguise himself. This was different. I wasn't me, I was this green amino-acid chain with no protective coating. All I could sense were chemicals, no light, no sound, but I knew what was happening too, like I was watching from the outside at the same time."
Ted learned how to roll his eyes just now from me, and mimicked the action to an exagerated end. "Don't think much about it. Many Tedidians see a light at the end of a tunnel when we are close to death. Perhaps this is just your version."
"Perhaps." One thing is certain, even if it scares me, I would be glad to be without Ted. I almost forgot how annoying he was after our little bonding session.
"But I have a question for you. Who is Dane Cook?"
"My planet's worst comedian. Thats not the point."
The day did come that I had to leave, and Ted, in his usual fashion, refused to say goodbye. Instead, all he would say is "I won't be far behind." Cryptic, right? Like, what is that supposed to mean?
At first, I thought "Great. And right after I thought I got rid of him." But then I thought about it. It would be an interesting cultural slang to say "we will meet again." Does Ted believe in an afterlife?does he think I'll wimp out and come back?
Pointless questions aside, there was some good news. He gave me a new gun. This one made an even bigger "kaboom!" It was really fun. Heh. Haha. Gimme-gimme.
I was happy to see Jim-Bob waiting for me at the portal. I hadn't seen him since I set off that sonic weapon. Their feet are so sensitive to vibrations and sound, that weapon really messed with them. The Tedidian doctors had their work cut out for them fixing 5 listening organs per Jim-Bobidian. Together, all 20 odd Jim-Bobs and I, stepped through the portal to the nightmare world.
Now that I was on this side of the portal, I could see that Brad was gone. Oh boy, what fun. You know what else? I held onto that old piece of alien tech that Ted had his brain shoved into. I thought it would make a neat souvenir. Wouldn't you believe it if as soon as the doors closed behind me, I heard that S.O.B's voice saying "So, where to next?"
Ted copied himself yet again into that stupid thing. Didn't take long to figure out what he meant by "I won't be far behind."
"What the hell, Ted?" I shouted.
"Surprised to hear my voice?" He asked?
"More pissed than surprised. I thought I finally got rid of you."
"Oh stop it, you are happy to see me, admit it."
"I thought you wanted to go home. What happened to me just being a pair of legs?"
"Ah yes, but there's a crucial difference between that Ted and this one. This one is artificial, and doesn't get lonely. I am merely a copy of a personality. That way, when you die, I won't get homesick."
"I smell bullshit," I said.
Surprisingly, he didn't make an astronauts and diapers joke. Instead, he said "Got me. I am an explorer, remember? Even if I was homesick, I still yearn for the other-worldly. My adventuring days are not yet over, and this way, I can never die, unlike someone I know."
"News flash, Ted, you did die, and give me that self-aggrandizing crap you pulled in the beginning, and I'm throwing your immortal ass down the throat of the next giant monster I find."
"My path will remain rectilinear, and true."
"Rectum what now? I thought you only knew words I used in front of you. I don't even know what you said."
"True, but now I have learned how your language works, thus am able to intuit new words. You cannot convince me that was not a word. Go- 'look it up' or whatever when you get back to Earth. It means 'I'll stay on the straight and narrow.'"
"Then why didn't you just say so? You're already teetering on the edge of being too annoying to keep around, buddy." I threatened, but I had to admit, a translator would be nice.
I have to say, the next leg of the journey went on without a hitch. The Jim-Bobs, Ted, and I were making good time. Find a monster, kill it, find a planet, explore it, find another monster, kill it too. I found so many new planets, although most were dead or never had life to begin with. The odd part was, Ted was sure he had visited some before, and interacted with the residents, but there was nothing but rock where I stood.

I need advice about trying to make a relationship work after your partner has cheated…
I’m 29 F and my fiancé is a 28 M. We have been together almost 5 years. Engaged for 3 and live together. 2 months ago I found out he had been talking to a girl behind my back that he dated briefly (maybe a month or less) right before we got together. He told me before in the beginning of our relationship that he broke it off with her because he didn’t see it going anywhere and he didn’t like the way she acted. I’ve been cheated on in the past so I can kind of tell how someone is acting when they are being unfaithful.
I had my suspicions for a few weeks prior to finding the messages. I asked to see his phone one day and he immediately flipped out so I knew there probably was something to hide. He had deleted the messages and wasn’t aware that you could still look back at messages that are deleted… he did not come clean on his cheating on his own. I have NEVER been one to look through someone’s phone but on numerous occasions he has picked mine up while I’m sleeping and went through mine. He never would find anything.
He said some really hateful things about me to this girl while talking to her. There was a point 2 months ago where his anger was uncontrollable around the time that he was talking to this girl and idk maybe having to hide something from me was getting to him and making him frustrated? Possibly.. idk. But during that time we had an argument that he started and he kicked a trash can that almost hit me, he got even more mad. In the messages he said that I started it and told the girl he was going to call the cops on me and that I don’t help or anything…. Well right after finding out he cheated his grandmother passed so I was there for him throughout the whole process and was very empathetic and caring. He was still hateful to me and still kind of is being mean.
I don’t know what to do… should I cut my losses after 5 years? Should I keep trying regardless? I have PTSD from trauma in the past from a sexual assault and I have nobody my whole family is very hateful and the one person I had to raise me and was always here for me was my grandmother who passed in 2018. I do see therapy to help with my issues and I do all I possibly can to help the best person possible. I just feel lost and alone. And to be honest all of this including everything I had already went through makes me want to give up on life most days. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
If anyone could give advice on moving on after cheating or if you have tried to stay after the fact I would greatly appreciate it.

You are Jalen Brunson. (Cool feeling, right?) You catch the ball on the right wing and weave together some between-the-legs dribbles while you contemplate how you should score. Pound dribble to a step-back? The double-crossover-to-hesi combo to get to the paint for a classic floater?
Not this time. You call up good ole’ Isaiah Hartenstein — love that guy — for a pick, but it’s a ruse. As he approaches, you flash the quickest in-and-out in the land and reject the screen, blowing by your hapless defender like the Road Runner lapping the Coyote. Layup drills aren’t this easy.
As Knicks fall around him like so many orange, autumnal leaves, Brunson just keeps carving a path to points. He’s had five 40-burgers in 11 playoff games. There aren’t many guards in the league with as diverse a shotmaking profile. I wanted to dig deeper and figure out how he got all these buckets, particularly the ones inside the arc, where the artistry happens.
A shot chart can show you where the shots happened (sort of), but they can’t show you what kind of attempt it was. The NBA assigns a type to every shot, but the descriptions are both inconsistent and wrong too often to be useful for a micro-analysis like this. So, I hit the tape. I rewatched all of Brunson’s 244 two-point attempts from these playoffs and categorized them into several shot types (there is some discretion involved, art and science, but I tried my best to be consistent).
Here’s how he scores inside the arc, from least prolific to most. The Book of Brunson, if you will (or if you will not; that’s what I’m calling it, regardless). It starts a little slow, but I promise it gets exciting toward the end. Kind of like every single Knicks playoff game.
[Thanks for reading! I've collected nearly a dozen video clips illustrating my points. I think they add a lot to the post! They can be found in-context here or at the various links I've put throughout.]

7) THE DUNK

1 make, 0 misses, 0 FTM, 2.00 Points Per Shot (PPS)

Brunson is listed at 73 inches tall. If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge not too far from Madison Square Garden I can sell you. He only had three dunks in 77 regular season games, but he had one threadbare yet magnificent jam in these playoffs. Here it is: [video here]
When I played 2K (back when a single digit followed the “2K” prefix, yikes), that was called the “rim-grazer” package. Barely gets over the cylinder. Still counts!

6) Cuts

2 makes, 1 miss, 1 FTM, 1.67 PPS

Here’s the thing about Brunson. Brunson makes Brunson happen. He doesn’t need passes from teammates; he needs them to set picks, space the floor, and stay out of the way. In the regular season, 23% of his two-pointers were assisted, a low number. In the playoffs, that’s fallen to 15%. And calling some of these “assists” feels generous. You tell me how much the pass here had to do with Brunson scoring: [video here]
I digress. Back to cuts. Synergy has him in the fourth percentile for the share of shots finished off of cuts; it’s not his jam. By my count, Brunson has had precisely three field goal attempts off cuts in 11 playoff games. Two went in. For what it’s worth, Hartenstein had the assist on both (and in fact, Hartenstein’s 10 total playoff assists to Brunson are more than anyone else on the roster). Here’s one: [video here]
Understandably, the Pacers were not expecting it. Neither was I, but then again, I’m not paid eight figures to stop him.

5) Transition

6 makes, 3 misses, 3 FTM, 1.67 PPS

The Knicks, famously, are the slowest team in the league, and they’ve crawled in the playoffs. Might be too tired from the heavy minutes; have to save your energy for offensive rebounds, I get it. Josh Hart carries most of the transition load.
But every once in a while, someone will poke the ball loose and toss it up to Brunson. He’ll catch it, dribble, lay it up. Most of the time, he makes it; sometimes, he misses it. If it doesn’t sound that exciting, well, it’s not.
If you want to see one, here it is. I appreciate how he uses his weirdly broad shoulders to create space around the rim: [video here]
Brunson can’t really throw it down in a highlight kind of way (except that one time when he did!). Fast-break Brunson layups are about as dull as fast-break layups can be. Let’s move on.

4) Spinning (usually) fadeaways over his (always) left shoulder

13 makes, 8 misses, 2 FTM, 1.33 PPS

Okay, now we’re getting to the good stuff. I will lump most of Brunson’s middies together, as you’ll see shortly, but I am partial to the aesthetics of the spinning fadeaway.
I mean, look at this thing. It’s gorgeous. The footwork, the arc, everything. And always — always! — using that left shoulder as a pole to spin around: [video here]
These are difficult shots, but by my count, he’s shooting 62% on turnarounds! That’s wild. I wonder if he shouldn’t take more of these and fewer step-backs, although these are a bit harder to get off with bigger bodies on him. Brunson knows what he’s doing; I shan’t second-guess him.

3) Layups and blow-bys

29 makes, 23 misses, 19 FTM, 1.48 PPS

Layups are a massive part of Brunson’s shot diet, even if it’s harder for him to get to the rim than some of his less-normal-sized peers in the league. Shot a little better doing these against Philly with a jump-less Embiid than against Indiana, where he has gone just 14-for-29 by my count (although he’s drawn a handful of fouls, so that’s a bit misleading).
But it’s always fun seeing him break defenders in half on the way to the hoop like it’s the most casual thing in the world: [video here]
It isn’t casual, though. It’s a lot of work. I’m stressed about the impact of all this acceleration and deceleration on his joints, ligaments, and bones, and despite what the tenor of this piece may lead you to believe, I’m not even a Knicks fan.
I’m also stressed you’ll judge me by my chosen highlights, spent more time than I care to admit picking ones that will prove to you that I’m both knowledgeable and a little hipster. Brunson made Nesmith touch parquet twice in the ongoing series (which hurt me; I’m a huge Nesmith guy), but that’s a little too cool to be cool, you know what I mean? Here’s where I landed. Brunson’s not as big a pass-fake guy as you might expect, but he sure does love to pretend that a pick is coming: [video here]
Ah, now I’m second-guessing myself. Oh well. You know what Brunson layups look like. It’s all crazy dribble combinations and shot fakes in fits and spurts, starts and stops, that somehow end with him blurring to the hoop for a high-arcing shot off the glass.

2) Floaters

30 makes, 32 misses, 18 FTM, 1.26 PPS

The infamous Brunson floater. A cruel tool, one the Geneva Convention was specifically designed to combat. It’s unstoppable (except when it’s stopped).
Floaters are a weapon of last resort for too many point guards, the shot they puke up when they can’t get past their man. That can be true for Brunson at times, too.
But Brunson has weaponized the floater, often by using it to bait fouls. If he gets the hostage dribble on a defender, putting them on his back, you better believe he’s gonna throw the ball upward and his body backward to get the whistle (I thought they legislated that out of the game, but nobody told the refs judging Brunson). That’s not my favorite play, of course, but it’s hard to deny the effectiveness.
He launches floaters from everywhere and anywhere. Leaning left, leaning right, falling down. Contested, wide-open, in the middle of four bodies. Occasionally, Brunson reminds me of classic fight-movie scenes in which the protagonist is drowning in enemy combatants, buried so you can’t even see him, when he suddenly springs up, spraying bad guys everywhere: [video here]
People say Brunson is good at getting to his spots, as if there is a finite number. I don’t really agree. All spots are Brunson spots; the floater will come from whatever direction he chooses.

1) Step-backs, side-steps, pull-ups, and other hyphenates

31 makes, 45 misses, 12 FTM, 0.97 PPS

Even excluding the turnaround fadeaways and floaters, Brunson has shot more midrange jumpers than any other type of shot. Yeah, that’s sort of cheating; I’m lumping many different kinds of buckets into one bucket. Maybe it’s too broad to be useful. But frankly, some of these are hard to differentiate (and also, this post would be too long; if you’re still here, I appreciate you. Know that this started off being much longer in a way that benefitted no one.). You’d think it would be easy to tell a pull-up from a side-step, but I swear Brunson can combine these in ways that somehow don’t defy the laws of basketball (i.e., traveling). It’s hard, so eventually, I decided to lump them all together.
Midrange jumpers are generally looked down upon. You can see from my points-per-shot calculation how much less efficient they’ve been than everything else, but that’s the nature of the beast. Just because they don’t always go in doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate them.
Sometimes, it’s hard to manufacture even sub-optimal offense (and that’s particularly true in the playoffs). Sometimes, you gotta go out there and cook; as long as the meal’s not burnt, it’ll do. And sometimes, it’ll be g*dd*mn delicious: [video here]
In truth, many of these possessions are ticking grenades, and it’s up to our hero to jump on them. The Knicks try to run their offense, nobody else can do a dang thing off the dribble (not, mind you, that they receive many chances), and suddenly there are six seconds left on the shot clock. Brunson, thankfully, can do a whole lot in six seconds. This is great defense; it doesn’t matter: [video here]
The midrange isn’t dead; like wealth, it has simply consolidated into the hands of the few. Only players with sufficient star wattage are allowed to take them. And with a playoff run for the ages, Brunson’s been outshining nearly everyone.

And I thought I’d share with you all my super secret offseason plan. Are you ready?
Step 0: replace JB
Step 1: get Bronny
Step 2: get LeBron, most likely via sign and trade for Garland and Levert + some level of draft capital if necessary(I just don’t see him taking a pay cut but obviously that would be the ideal circumstance)
Step 3: bring in a cheapish (whatever we can afford on the MLE) veteran to come off the bench as a relief scorer, ideally a guard or guard/SF combo, move Niang’s contract for this if needed/possible
Step 4: resign Mitchell, Okoro and Mobley, lock them up, make Mitchell the future and keep our defensive studs around while they continue to develop their offensive game.
Step 5: DO NOT trade Mobley or Allen. Are they a perfect fit? No. But the spacing issues weren’t nearly as glaring as last year with the additions of off ball movement guys like Strus and Merrill into the lineup. Mobley is developing range, and there’s no reason to think his 3 point shot won’t take another step forward next year. Allen is on an insanely reasonable contract for the value he’s providing, and there’s just no way we get a return that makes us better.
Step 6: enjoy watching the starting 5 of Allen, Mobley, LeBron, Strus, and Mitchell, with Okoro, Wade, Merrill and CPJ + a potential veteran playmaker coming off the bench
Step 7: win a championship
(And although in this hypothetical LeBron would “start” at SF, I envision him playing mostly PF. Since Mobley will play about half his minutes at center, there will be a ton of PF minutes for LeBron available, as I think this is his more natural position at this point in his career, and I definitely think Wade could get minutes at SF should the availability of PF minutes diminish)
Since I value the opinions of this sub so highly, I’ll field questions and suggestions below. Best suggestion gets a summer internship with the Cavs!