I’m 30. I went to college, failed out, had jobs, quit, started a business, watched it fail, dated, broke up, was in love and had it fall apart and my heart broke, had friends, lost all of them, lived on my own, moved back with my parents and I’m just tired of it. I am lost and trapped. I just want it to be over now. I’ve been depressed for nearly 15 years and I was always sad because I never really fit in and I don’t think any friend I’ve ever had really cared about me other than the opportunities I could create for them. I don’t want any more friends but at the same time I’m lonely and I have no way to make friends even if I thought having friends would help. I don’t want to join groups because nothing I’ve been interested in involves groups. I don’t care about sports and the things most guys care about. I’m not a gamer or into anime or that kind of thing. I used to be a musician and then a photographer but I don’t care at all anymore. I don’t even want to get into that again. I don’t really care about the things that allow people to be social. I just fill up my time everyday so that I don’t kill myself but I have little hope that I will ever find a way out or that it will just appear with time. There is no job or career that I want. I went back to college and did well but I don’t know what I was hoping to get from it other than I was around people but they are young and the friends I made have faded away and I’m alone again. I thought I would go to med school but I really don’t care about it because I don’t see how it will make my life better. I don’t even know what I want or care about and I think if I killed myself it would just stop it. I don’t want to think about going to school or getting jobs or making friends or having a relationship anymore. I just would like for it to be over. The only interest I’ve had for the last years is guns. I don’t hunt and I don’t really shoot much because I can’t afford it, but I have the means to stop living and I might soon.
TLDR I’m tired of trying and I don’t know why I’m trying anyway

P.S please seek out help to me, or call your loved ones if you notice these early signs.
Marriage with you was my happiness but prison was already the big red flag that I ignored the moment I knew you 8 months ago. I had it wrapped around my finger, mistakes were bound to happen on our journey but going out to go do cheating was never & ever will be on my list. An 18 year old girl and a 22 year old man. I pushed you to do the best but even the ‘your happiness is my happiness’ did not want to align in your mind. For nearly 8 months your inner hidden subconscious led you to believe I was jealous of you. Jealous of your trading currencies, jealous of your looks, jealous of your job, jealous of your successes & passes, jealous of your money. I made mistakes most of these people were my old friends who i left without a word for you but I am not a try to impress girl, i never was & i never will be. All i wanted & asked for were flowers not a daily bags of expenses from you. I only wanted you to be kind and have a nice tone. When you love, you do love hard but your hatred and want to hurt me surpasses your love for me Murad, you never ever wanted to forgive me Murad but I have and I still do. Since i met you i’ve been on fight or flight mode, I fear you but im not scared of you anymore, but this is still your nature from a little baby to a grown man entering his prime years. You will not change or learn Murad. Changing does not mean praying 5 times and reading Quran. You still managed to fit another woman from another country in our marriage, forget the relationship it was haraam. I never done that Murad. I didnt keep a man on my iMessage or WhatsApp in our marriage. You love money, sex & drugs. It’s what you worshipped since young. That is your qismat. The difference is I had my reason not excuses for my mistakes but you had no reason or excuse Mo because that is in your blood it is how you were born and grew up. You became the waste end product of this emerging environment. I was never the way I was last year Murad, when I was 8, I was taking my shoes & clothes off on roads in my country to give to the poor children, I stole biscuits from my grandmother’s corner shop and was smacked just so I could to give to the orphans whereas at 9 you were smoking weed, having intercourse with women & carrying zombie knives in your pants, leaving a gun in higham hills park or St james park. And if i met men before you and wanted to conceal it you rip my throat off and attempt to take my life? Your story does not deserve to be told in schools Murad, your story is not a life lesson but a facade because you have not learned your lesson, you just become more & more proud about your old ways. You know why? Because I know you don’t regret it Murad, a person who regrets their deed does not boast or feels proud, the man who is regretful of his past actions asks for forgiveness, conceals the sin and moves on. The real reason why you boast about your case is because you were controlling the city’s drug supply. You love control & you love power. Do you know what happens to the elite above when they have so much money, do you know what is above money and below Dajjal? Power. You love power & being in control of your family, friends & wife. That’s how you’ve created your trust issues as well as your own fake army. People can’t be honest around you because you’ve pre built a foundation of fear Murad through your tone, words & agression. Control yourself before you control those around you. That’s the dynamics of it. Stop instilling fear in people to get your stomach full. I have the right to diagnose you with this, you have borderline personality with narcissistic personality and a lack of empathy; a result of your traumatic past experiences so Murad prove my point you don’t trust anyone else to handle my mistakes and forgive me or try to understand me unless you handle my mistake the way your revengeful gut wants to hurt and deal with me. I’ve made mistakes but my love was stronger than me hurting you, we always found each other when we needed each other the most. But that fell off when we got married, you chose friends over your wife waiting for you for 5 hours at home, and coming home to find out you have a secret girlfriend from a week in our nikkah. I forgive you Murad. How do I go to my class with other 18 year old girls knowing I married the lover of my life who nearly ended my life nights previously? How do I deal with this ? Im very mature and I don’t feel my age but somewhere in me is still 18.
You moulded me into a liar because of fear & you moulded me into a broken girl because of your past experience and mistakes i did and you did. Murad I didn’t care that you had no money. My vision is slowly settling into my system and I think the women, family and friends around you is okay with you making & spending haraam money but not me Murad. Just like how you did not like some of my ways and I changed even if i stumbled and made silly mistakes half way or when we ended but i did not like some of your ways and you didn’t change. I didn’t meet anyone. In fact Murad you are my worst nightmare. i ignored all your mistakes every one but little i knew, one day shut me down as if i was your biggest mistake. I put you in your place and you have never had that and neither have I been forced in that position, but yet i still cared if i had money just like when you were at work all day I begged my mother to send me money so my husband can have food in his belly from my bed. I went miles for you but then so did you. You crossed the line on 08/06/2024. You suffocated me with a pillow, grabbed my throat so hard I could not breathe, held a knife at my throat and bruised me, smacked me right on my entire left face and nose, attempted to throw me across the balcony in a tightening grip. I tried to hide the bruises from you, but my arm were in so much pain that when you threw me around I had to let the pain escape my mouth. Murad you ruined an 18 year old girl’s life, Murad I didn’t deserve it at all Murad you tainted and left a big stain by destroying me. Murad you are my biggest mistake but was not your biggest mistake & if thats what you believe then one day you will face the consequence of how big of a mistake I was to you like you said because i never physically, intentionally hurt you behind or in front of you. Its okay, I won’t let your mother or your family know what you done to me because God is the one who delivers justice, not me Murad. I bit you and slapped you so hard because you deserved it at that time, but did I deserve what you physically, mentally and intellectually put me through? Murad i was reading my Shahadah that night in your arms. I was really scared, I’ve never felt that scared. I was shaking. My body was shaken. My mind was shaken. My heart was shaken. Murad you gave me PTSD & trauma, you left me neglected and abused many times but I accepted you for you. I now have to go therapy and take medication Murad just because I hid talking to men in my past and you punished me in a way Allah’s mercy wouldn’t do. I did not cheat on you & I payed my truth in blood when I slit my wrist to prove to you that I did not cheat & or sleep with any men, I was a virgin Murad, but you accused me of the worst Murad in front of everybody Murad. You should have shot me in my heart there because thats where I hurt the most, it’s not fair. Murad If you’re reading this and think you are still a good kind man after what you done to me then prove me wrong, find that goodness seed inside of your heart and hold on to it and believe me for once Murad you know that man was lying to destroy us & it worked.
The night that traumatic night occured, my father previously mentioned to my mother ‘ this girl will die in his hands’ my dad predicted this action.
But that was not enough, your end goal was to murder me & you have. I died that night Murad, you broke me into pieces before and tried to kill me but the night on the 08/06/2024 you murdered me & I did not deserve a pinch of it. I constantly pleaded with you softly, I begged you to stop and stop hurting me that night. Murad do you know what hurts me ? Is if my father witnessed with his eyes how much you mashed my body so much with my face into the bed and wall with your hands & weight, you suffocated and tried to kill me with your hands Murad, I would die before i let my father witness you choking his daughter, history has repeated in your family and someone will do this to your daughter Murad and this time i promise you will see it happen in the moment and that is when your world will end. I didn’t meet anyone when we were together. Murad i promised you my time will come one day when i’ll make you face & understand the consequences of your abusive actions forget words. I won’t punish you, what is gone before is long gone & all you have now is the result of your actions. And that will be my last remembrance of you, you won’t see my face anywhere, you wont hear my name anywhere & you won’t find my anywhere. Murad you are not a man, you are not a stay.busy17 man either and you are definitely not a money motivated man. You sit down on your bed more than you get to work. I do not stand for revenge Murad so destiny and god will restore justice for my silence & sufferings that I faced all alone in your house. I had nobody. Nobody Murad. It was just me And God in your house. That night you nearly ended my life, i repeatedly said to myself ‘Papa please help me God please help me Papa please help me God please save me’ Murad when someone is in so much pain God takes away the pain not by ending their life but by taking their soul out of their body for a few seconds to relieve the pain. I did not meet anyone. My ‘revenge’ is not violence nor revenge itself, my revenge is God, only a taste of your medicine Murad, I will disappear out of your life so quietly without notice because you hurt me more than you love me. Life is not a game, but you are the one who chose this game to play so you’ll play it nicely now. The evilness inside of your eyes that night is something I will never forget. All I wanted was for you not to do drugs in our marriage. In the UK, 75% of ex-inmates reoffend within nine years of release, and 39.3% within the first twelve months, If you are reading this and wondered why I have written this there then you have guessed right,
because you a 22 year old man attempted homicide on an 18 year old girl through grievous bodily harm (GBH), strangulation in form of abuse, with evident body bruises on arm, face, inner thigh and chest/neck. Men like you Murad, they call you strangles. You are most likely to become killers in almost every situation & It is scientifically proven that if you strangle me and if i stay you WILL eventually kill me. My parents were right on their conscious prediction. My life never has and can not be trusted in your hands.
This is only 30% of everything. The rest I will keep to myself.

George W. Christians' Second Southern Revolution for Constitutional States, restore the vision of Souther Sociologist trio of George Fitzhugh-Henry Hughes-J.D.B. De Bow, Universal Slavery and destruction of 'indfidel doctrines' of natural libery and the Constitution, expand the Golden Circle to all of America and parts of Africa, possible split of USA into unique Klan puppets, carry out a very peculiar Confederate revival, and much more [including the updated Constitutional States military tree]
Egyptian Election Tree from socdem to pataut, possibility to declare a republic after winning the Desert War, expanded how much you can expand as Egypt, and much more
Various Improvements for Texas, new military tree, unique American Oil States releasable puppets for Texaco, new dem election candidates, and much more
fixed Austria being able to give up Galician states it does not own in the treaty with Russia
added Prince Edward Island and Cape Breton Island as states in Canada
anyone that restores Soviet Russia and is not Russia proper gets access to integration options for former Empire lands etc
fix for bugged bypass for socdem CSA trees for first presidents
improvements to state annexation releases around Siberia
added event for Canada to get Francis 'Peggy' Pegahmagabow and J.R. Stacey as possible generals for Canada
fixed Russia civil war game rule not working
added Paul Carbone as custom French puppet for any Mafia path
fixed socdem Haiti not being able to do the decisions for liberating and uniting Carib if they joined 3I
Ukraine's King's Coalition tree does not disappear if you elect Doroshenko in 2nd term
MAF loses the colonial nation natspirit if it becomes Germany in Exile
peaceout over East Indies now also removes Netherlands from being at war with you if they weren't in any faction yet
fix for Argentina decisions to forcefully join other nations into their alliance after defeating Brazil not firing events
added William J. 'Wild Bill' Donovan as possible Pershing successor and also starting general for New England
fix for a check in Nationalists dissolving Kingdom of Canada event
puppet released Crimea no longer has wrong pathing for portraits
Harlem Totalists cannot do FDR Jr. focus anymore, Bumpy Johnson cannot do 4 normal Mafia focuses
integrated puppets no longer change their status if at war, resulting in removal of troops and occupation from their land
Selling guns to Reichspakt as MAF no longer locks you out of all decisions in that category
hopefully fixed undeletable militias in russian civil war
fix for missing Lebanon coring/war goal in specific cases for Afghanistan
creating Scandinavia/Nordic Federation no longer makes Iceland puppet it if it's a puppet of Denmark
added Ian Fleming as spy for Canada
replaced Raymond Aron in Madagascar with Abraham Schrameck, also added event for him to become puppet of NFA which ai Madagascar if player is NFA will always do
N.S. Derzhavin is now the leader of the Bulgarist path
Kamenev choosing Left SRs to lead the united gov grants you an eco minister properly again
updated game rules for AUS to account for existence of Pendergast, Marland and Pappy
fix for Somalia keeping Siad Barre natspirits after him being removed
added Donald Wandrei as eco minister for Derleth, Roy Disney as eco minister for pataut Disney, and Byambyn Rinchen as hog for marlib Mongolia
getting Soviet Russia as Left Eurasia now skips the civil war military focuses just like peaceful revolutions do
fixed Black Nat NYC not getting cores on Jabal territories in their expansion event
Socialist Russia army ideas do not carry over to other Russias if Soviets did them before being defeated
fix for Wales being able to switch ideologies as puppet under some weird circumstances
releasing Italy as puppet owning all of the peninsula no longer leads to it releasing starting italian tags
Normandy gets properly annexed into Paneuropa in the event for Germany if it exists
Bukovina in its release event is given to Moldova instead of Romania-Wallachia if the former exists as your puppet
fixed dynamic pm portraits [such as starting O'Duffy or Halloween ones] not showing up in diplo view unless you clicked the gui button
fix for Poland not getting Galicia if Austria agreed to sell it after it already federalized
fix for ITA or SRI releasing some places they should keep to core if you gave them to them
Malta doesn't get knights tree unlocked somehow in niche cases if they didn't go for knights
shared BrowdeFoster People's Commissars focus now improves the CIA natspirit you get before
buffed Commune of France, gave new election options like Missak Manouchian, Marcel Cachin, Joseph Paul-Boncouror May Picqueray, allowed socdems to be electable, made Louis Niel starting leader, added later game elections with more unique candidates, added option for Gamelin to restore elections
added Hans Albert von Lettow-Vorbeck as starting general for MAF
Hollywood syndie investigation flavour no longer fires for NE if you are socialist
fix for Ukraine's Czernin agreement having game rules switched in terms of ai behaviour for pro-austria/germany
changed Schleicher to be fm instead of gen, added new trait and bio for Wilhelm II, updated some general bios, added traits for generals being part of Bavarian Army or Schleicher Clique
if Song Zheyuan backed your pro-Manchu coup now Puyi switches to neo-confucianism subideo after it happens
added event for non-radsoc/non-Thorez or Cachin ruled COF to annex puppeted Algeria and core it. You can also create a custom puppet under Albert Camus, Marcel Edmond Naegelen or Belkacem Radjef
added subideos to Estonia and Switzerland
added Lothrop Stoddard to NE game rules
fix for Zimbabwe/South Rhodesia possibly not being releasable in annexation event
Canada also leaves the shared entente research thing after going its own way post-liberation
Lithuanian authdems get natcon subideo now
fix for MAF centralization of particular constituents decisions not being able to be finished
made it so picking Amanullah to use the title king in the flavour event changes the leader gui switcher title
Russian ai should be better at actually passing laws in Duma/Senate
integrated the kr4 unit limit system, taking into consideration population size and factories
possible fix for West Ukraine revolt effects not going away if it fails/is prevented [as in return of Galician cores or dmz removal]
fix for wrong focus specified in Ecuadro's Gran Colombia decisions
decisions to demand Karelia/attack Finland go away after you already won and signed Treaty of Petrograd
buffed Congo Free State's economic tree
Dehousse as post-Degrelle successor now gets soclibs in coalition
added some missing states to Georgia's Transcaucasia coring decisions
fixes for MAF collapsing when it should
fix for independent Galicia joining Poland not giving it cores on all of its states
fix for Karelia demanding Finnish Karelia from Finland
nations that happen to be in Russia's faction that switched to SocRus peacefully do not merge into 3I if Russia picked that option
Black Repatriation for COR dealing with Liberia no longer removes population from Romanian and Hungarian states
fixed requirements for the last Karaite Crimea focus
fix for Japan losing all cores when winning the war against Transamur together with Buryatia
American Nicaragua no longer loses cores on two Nicaragua states, meaning unified CA does not lack them if it conquered AmNic
Capone CSA doesn't lack cores in conquest events on Newfoundland if it exists
buffs for Venice tree
clarified the focus about Revolutionar Isle for Sorelians, since Sorel was for decentralization not cent
banished Royalist Romania tag into the void
switched the leader of Right Reformgruppe until you get the Kaiser from Paul von Lettow-Vorbeck to his nephew Hans Albert, since Paul will be more needed in German service
slightly expanded the 'Our Finest Hour' flavour news event
fix for Rudolf Waden coup not working correctly in Finland
Rehabilitating Bashkimi as Llzar Fundo adds socdems to coalition, getting Fan Noli as leader changes party name for radsocs to Bashkimi
fix for Poland faction invites being sent to non-socialist countries when Poland is socialist
releasing independent Kokand as socialist Russia no longer does stuff with Abkhazia
added more coring options for Yucatan and also game rules for its paths
fix for Garibaldi elections not repeating after end of term
Added coalitions to Alvarado Yucatan
made it so later Irish elections are not mutually exclusive, so you can get other trees unlocked if you elect someone else in 1947
added Mbeya as vp in German East Africa
fixed positions of MAF divisions
when you devolve Britain as radsocs you get Fenner Brockway as leader in England, no longer having double Y Glais in Wales and England
uniting America as Led Sedov's Alaska now gets you the Soviet World cosmetic tag
fix for Finland 1940 election natpops getting Kosola but keeping kingdom cosmetic with no king
Georgia cannot get a monarch in charge after getting puppeted by someone else than Germany, for example Russia
fixed Povstanarmia natspirit for Ukraine in terms of max org factor
electing Solidarists after Denikin restoring democracy no longer locks you out of doing their 2nd term tree
VNS gets proper coalitions now between its soccon/authdem wings
fixes to Duma working in Russia, esp for Kadets
Malawi annextion event properly releases the tag
added vp pics to remaining ones lacking them in France, Britain, Switzerland, Netherlands and Belgium
fix for Anarchist Belarus not being able to get rid of illiteracy or weak national identity
switching to marlib as Remnant New England now gives patauts into a coalition
the Bulgarist dude no longer comes to power in a dem party slot before taking over as natpop
updated party roster and puppeting as republic leader roster for Egypt
devolving Wales and Scotland no longer gives them 100% radsoc support
replaced Harry Pollitt with Jeffrey Hamm as totalist leader of Wales
extended the cores Dan Seavey CSA gets on Barbary Coast in the expansion event
added Grand Rapids and Traverse City as vps
non-natpop Brazil's event to form united South America now fires from Argentina annexation event options, so you can do it and get cores on them by also occupying Argies nwo
some minor fixes for Bolivia and subideology filling in
slight buffs to Portugal
slight buffs to Belgium/Flanders-Wallonia
added peaceout event for anyone that occupied NYC that's in a faction
fix for non-monarchist Russia releasing governorate Pribaltika
marlibs are added to coalition when switching to authdem/pataut as AOG
changed Vacłaŭ Łastoŭski from savinkovism to natpop agrarianism
fix for not being able to deny sending guns to Patagonia when they ask for them
fixed Liberia's leader gui being visible after puppeting by ideologies it shouldn't display for
added an event to release a custom Indochina puppet for NFA under Jean Decoux
fixed early Weltkrieg over Wallonian independence and 3I
finally fixed democratic Central American puppets unifying into independent CA and leaving your overlordship
made it so if Afghanistan is British dominion it also gets annexed in the peaceout for Delhi
added portrait picker for Bucard
made Sikkim elections repeatable
KDP dissolving into 3 when not in power doesn't rename soclib PSR under Kerensky
buffed non-Socialist non-Ungern trees in Mongolia to be comparable in strength to Socialists, also buffed the shared non-Ungern military tree
added burkhanism/ak jang flavour events for Ja Lama
fix for NSP going down with NEP not unlocking 5 year plan properly
fixes to Russian later elections
Ukraine no longer joins 3I before the German intervention against socialists is resolved, meaning early wk2 no longer happens from it
army spirit affecting normal cavalry now also affects camels and irregular cav
added Robert M. Danford as field marshal for New York
slight fixes to balkanized America puppeting
added an event for Germany that has Hawaii and GEA as puppets to possibly transfer every island west of Honolulu to GEA
fixed New Moon's Alaska joining 3I
LKMT can do Imperialism Crushed Forevermore if the nations they liberated are also socdem instead of just socialist gov
soclib Belarus can do the army tree now
Austrian focuses about inviting Greece, Albania and Bulgaria to faction are now locked to after Fourth Balkan War
added more vps to Southwest Africa
fixed Iroqouis and Wabanaki not being released when playing Towner Alaska
added the USA fp tree as an unlockable shared tree to non-major American tags that unified the States
fixed BBR elections not happening after the first one
fixed Transamur elections not repeating
fixes for subideology setting on president/pm changes in Russia
Transamur that joined anti-Bolshevik forces during 2nd RCW will leave them if they go NRA
marlib Germany is not locked out of doing the christian trade unions
fixed Britain being able to do the focus to get rid of post-WK2 natspirit without having it
added Franz von Roques as general for Germany
added ability for Canada to just directly annex Iceland after winning Cod War
decisions for PLC Beck to annex Bohemia and Slovakia puppet/faction member like for Hungary and Finland
added a check for Dutch East Indies being in the same faction as Germany to the GEA peace out, so if you do it you also get Indies
expanded the cores soccon Ottomans can get from their Pan-Islam event
added subideo picker to Makhno path and made him gui leader to Black Guard council
added extra ideas for CathAus focuses about reconstruction
fix for Ukraine's Kyiv Conference crashing the game
Semyonov no longer fights himself in Buryatia and Transamur at the same time
Transamur no longer has bugged out lack of access to coring occupation type
Middle Sea Fleet now goes to Germany in case that Crete is sold to Greece/Ottomans
fix for Canada not being able to switch conscription law if Bill C-7 failed
added Al Smith, William O'Dwyer and Frank Costello as possible Tammany Hall puppet mayor leaders, changed De Valera mayor to be a unique event that fires if you picked Olvany, O'Dwyer or Walker
added an event for Remi to switch to soccon and POB to switch to soclib under Georges Truffaut in post-Rexist elections, Remi can also restore the monarchy if Degrelle abolished it and gets unique ones depending of how much of Netherlands/France he owns
added a flavour event about Benny Benson to Alaska
fixed Napoleonic France flag picker decision not firing an event if you did it once already
added Bernarr Macfadden as an alternative successor to Bodin, with 2 unique flavour events with one of them possible to also get in FDR Jr. path
improved the cores you get for Darnand's anti-Pope Italy conquest stuff
fix for MAF tree building naval factory in one focus in-land
allowed syndies, radsoc and dem Mexico to do the Rightful Place focus in fp tree
made Rocque Garza natpop militant atheist in Mexico, updated subideos for Trump, La Guardia and Welles in NYC, made Nock start out as authlib in NE Remnants path
added unique subideology British Maximism for Mosley and Panchayat System for Prince Mahendra of Nepal
Hoahao Vietnam can crown Cuong De as Emperor if they didn't allow Ba Cut to take over
added George E. Deatherage as leader switcher hog for Moseley COR
Johnston Murray, Bill's son, added to list of possible successors of Alfalfa Bill Murray
H.G. Wells got a flavour event for Clem Imperial/Global Fed Britain path, where he can become foreign minsiter or head of state with Clem as hog, both of them in case of forming global fed event get socdem liberal interventionism
fixed for German response against NatDems taking over Poland
tweaked state-holder elections in MAF so the player can never get overruled by ai Germany appointing Asmis
added ability for Moseley COR to release Juan Almazan, his friend, in charge of Mexico in annexation event
buffed the Encourage Integration focus in USA/PSA tree
Jean Mermoz stays as leader gui pm after choosing Rocque's successor
made the late game about Futurians and possible David Lasser as leader also fire for Welles NYC now
new flavour event about Dudley Field Malone for Welles, Steinbeck and FDR Jr. NYC, with the first two also being able to make him leader with Rose Schneiderman as hog
added successors event to La Guardia, with Robert Moses with authoritarian liberalism, Julius Henry 'Groucho' Marx with humanistic capitalism and his brothers as ministers, Vincent Impellitteri with longism, Thomas Dewey with centrism, Kermit Roosevelt with jeffersonianism and Wendell Willkie with liberal internationalism. Also fixed Little Flower event for La Guardia not firing
fix for non-natpop dem paths in France being able to do Great Peace of Montreal if AF got elected
added two flavour events for Constitutional States about Coca-Cola, either keep it to yourself or allow other Americans to have it
fixed Congo not being able to get rid of their collapse debuff if they didn't finish the collapse army tree before cw finished
made UMHK marlib and soclib wings coalition when elected
added Haida Gwaii as a state
added a flavour event about the creation of 'Dixiewood'

Hi ! This is one more post of a series whose aim is to share the Monogatari short stories that hadn't been translated into English yet. Except that one already was. Whatever.
Short stories masterpost here, updated regularly to show our progress with the translations.
 
 
Today is a re-translation of Hitagi Throwing (by Tigoris), a rather long short story, published in the Heroine Book #5: Senjougahara Hitagi. This one is among the most interesting short stories : it is about Suruga remembering her first meeting with Hitagi at the age of 12.
Once again, the previous translation was very old, and I wanted to make sure we had a better version for the short stories book.
 
 
As someone who has been devoted to Senjougahara Hitagi for some years now, it feels like a betrayal of some kind to say something like this, but when I first met her as a first-year in middle school, the impression that I had of her was not exactly a positive one.
 
To be more specific, one might say that it was a negative impression.
 
I thought, “Just who is this girl?”
 
If it’s okay to be a bit more informal, then my more exact thought was, “This girl’s bad news.” Now, I’d like you to cut me some slack here, because at the time I had only just graduated from elementary school, and I was, in appearance, personality, ability, and intellect, a brat of a meager 12 years of age.
 
However, I will also firmly say that Senjougahara-senpai was not entirely without fault of her own; in fact, let me emphasize that she was not without fault. After all, when she—the track-and-field club’s very own ace—came storming into the gym during basketball practice, it seemed like the start of a raid, and all of the basketball club members flinched. And she didn’t come alone. She brought along a large group of her followers, which was not limited to other track-and-field members and included students from not only the second- and third-year students, but there were even some first-year students mixed in. To an observer, it looked as if a feudal lord had descended upon the gymnasium along with his full retinue of retainers.
 
To put it another way, it’s like when Mitchi showed up in Slam Dunk.
 
She was smiling softly and had a gentle manner, but that only made her all the more intimidating, in part because her cronies had an unusual air about them.
 
“You’re Kanbaru-san, then? I’ve heard rumors that you’re quick on your feet—if it’s no bother, may I observe you?”
 
What is she, a noble lady?
 
That was what I wanted to say, but back then Senjougahara-senpai was like that—she was like a character taken straight from a shoujo novel.
 
It put a shiver down my spine to discover that this person really existed. And allow me to clarify that when I say “a shiver down my spine,” I don’t mean it in the good way—looking back on it now, it might be more accurate to say that I recoiled with shock.
 
I had an instinctive feeling that her request was strange.
 
And so was she.
 
To put it simply, that just about sums up my first impression of her—of course, Senjougahara-senpai was famous, so after I had enrolled in the school and even before I joined the basketball club, I had already heard her name a number of times.
 
She and Hanekawa-senpai were the two poster children for my school—to the point that we were told (by a teacher during the entrance ceremony) not to cross “those two” if we wanted to make it in the school (at the time I didn’t know which two the teacher was talking about, but, in retrospect, the warning was largely accurate).
 
However, as you know, I was a twelve-year-old who had, for various reasons, a rather extraordinary obsession with running fast—but because of those same reasons, I was unable to join the track and field club. Nevertheless, I took an interest in the ace of the track and field club, Senjougahara-senpai, and went to observe her running during that April, even though I had not become a trial member of the team.
 
I didn’t realize that it was possible for a person to run so beautifully.
 
It took my breath away.
 
My running form was not something that I had received coaching for—even now, I have not received any education in sprinting, so my running form is self-taught. Being self-taught is not a bad thing; it’s a perfectly acceptable running style, and I never had a complex about how I ran, but when I saw Senjougahara-senpai run on that day, the beauty of her form stood in stark contrast to the frantic flailing of my own form.
 
She displayed the final form of human running.
 
She was the idealized runner.
 
But I could not attempt to copy her—she was not like me, and I was not like her.
 
I was painfully aware of our differences.
 
I also remember thinking that the track uniforms were erotic, but that’s neither here nor there. I’d had no intention of joining the track club, as I said before, but after seeing her run, whatever lingering regrets I had were gone.
 
It blew me away.
 
To look at it another way, it was seeing Senjougahara-senpai run that day that made me into the basketball player that I am today—it was easy to forget what had caused me to become so passionately devoted to basketball, but I’ll save that discussion of “you never know what event will become a turning point in your life” for another time.
 
You could say that I’m not really a shy person, but when it came to Senjougahara-senpai, I made it my policy to actively avoid coming in contact with her, so for her to seek me out on her own was so surprising as to strike me dumb. Add in her whole “storybook princess” demeanor, and I turned into a stuttering, stumbling idiot—so, suffice to say, on the day that Senjougahara-senpai (and her retinue) observed my basketball practice, I was not exactly doing my best.
 
“May we speak, Kanbaru-san?”
 
After practice, Senjougahara-senpai approached me—and while I didn’t exactly feel enticed by her invitation, my heart skipped a beat regardless.
 
Looking at her up close, it was hard to believe that a girl with such mature features was only a year older than myself.
 
“You’re as fast as the rumors say—so how about it? Do you have any interest in transferring to the track club? Why not spend your youth in friendly competition with me?”
 
… She was an impressively bold headhunter. By the way, the basketball team captain (a third-year) was also there at the time as Senjougahara-senpai (a second-year) tried to steal me from the team, but the captain acted as if it were none of her business and didn’t interrupt.
 
Just what were you hoping to find by examining the ball that closely, captain?
 
You can turn it over as many times as you want; you’re not going to find a hole.
 
I was disappointed in the team captain, but setting that aside, I was happy to receive the invitation—no matter the situation or the way that it was said, I would always be happy to receive praise for the legs that I was so proud of. It made my heart dance to be acknowledged.
 
That simplicity still has not changed.
 
I’ve always been an idiot when it came to this.
 
That said, it still didn’t mean that I was so stupid as to blindly be scouted just because someone praised me. I’m an idiot who can think. So I politely, but firmly, declined her invitation while trying to hint that she had been a bit rude, but without being so blatant as to damage her reputation or be rude myself.
 
“Better luck next time.”
 
Huh?
 
What is this memory?
 
Who is this cheeky little brat? Oh, it’s me.
 
Was I at the age where I reacted to authority with petulance? Or was I afraid that if I didn’t reject her firmly, she would wear away my resolve and convince me to join the track club? Either way, maybe that wasn’t the exact phrasing that I used (I would like to think so), but, even if so, I still rejected Senjougahara-senpai in a rude way.
 
“Oh my. You’re quite spirited, aren’t you? I’m becoming even more interested in you.”
 
Senjougahara-senpai replied in a cool and composed tone (looking back on it now, I can’t help but think, “Who the hell are you?”), but the retinue of club members assembled behind her looked to be trying to use their eyes to stab me through.
 
Oh man, I’m so dead.
 
The crowd of cronies looked ready to get physical with me, but Senjougahara-senpai smiled and held a hand out to stop them without looking, then said, “It’s okay. I like nothing more than to tame cute girls like this.”
 
Seriously, who the hell are you?
 
Perhaps my imagination is adding to the memory a bit, so maybe my memory of middle school second-year Senjougahara-senpai isn’t perfectly accurate, but the big picture of us having a stressful, if brief, interview as our first contact is certainly true.
 
“Have a pleasant day.”
 
And with those parting words, Senjougahara-senpai left.
 
Even in the face of my unfavorable and downright rude response, she remained elegant. She carried on that noble air from start to finish, and while those events did hurt me, I thought that it was for the best.
 
Even if I had to be rude to do it, it would be better to firmly reject her than to reply so mildly that she continued to hold out hopes for me—of course, having rejected one of the famous girls of the school, I suspected that I may have set myself up to have a difficult life as a middle school girl, but, well, even if I had tried to stay in her good favor, I would likely have bungled that too.
 
Come if you’re going to come; I’ll take you on.
 
That was the stance that I mentally took, and I was not disappointed.
 
But the one who came to find me in the gym the next day was not one or more of Senjougahara-senpai’s retinue come to put me in my place, but instead it was Senjougahara-senpai herself—without anyone else, just herself.
 
“Hello everyone. We are blessed with lovely weather today, aren’t we? May I observe your practice once again?”
 
The older girls in the basketball club began to murmur to each other—it sounded different from the reaction from the previous day, and I later learned that it was because Senjougahara-senpai very rarely went anywhere unaccompanied.
 
She didn’t choose to have people follow her around, but instead, it was more that she was the kind of person that people naturally gravitated to and followed—which meant that the only way she could arrive in the gym without at least a small group of followers was for her to have told them to leave her alone.
 
Why?
 
I told her “better luck next time,” so did she actually think that she should try again and hopefully have better luck on the second attempt? And she decided that coming on her own might be the factor that would convince me?
 
Several of the basketball team members volunteered to make Senjougahara-senpai more comfortable, and so she sat off to the side in a comfortable chair, partaking in the snacks she had been provided while watching us practice with a smile. Or rather, she watched me practice. I couldn’t read anything from her body language.
 
I had been welcomed into the basketball club with a good bit of fanfare because of my speed, so it wasn’t as if I had never been observed while playing before, but there was something about being watched so intensely that made it difficult to play. On that day, I missed an unusually high percentage of shots and even made a lot of simple mistakes with dribbling—the only thing that kept me from outright failing was the speed of my legs. But seeing as Senjougahara-senpai was there to see how fast I could be, she must have been happy with the display.
 
“Kanbaru-san. Have you reconsidered your response to my invitation?”
 
“No, I’m not having second thoughts…”
 
I didn’t go so far as to say I hadn’t thought about it at all.
 
It was difficult to be rude to someone who showed up two days in a row to express interest in you.
 
“Hm. Then how about this? You and I shall have a 100-meter race, and if I win, then you will transfer into the track club. Don’t you think it’s a wonderful idea?”
 
“… So if you lose, then you’ll join the basketball team?”
 
“Eh?”
 
She tilted her head in confusion.
 
No, don’t you “Eh?” me.
 
There’s no way that you don’t understand.
 
“No, I will not be doing that.”
 
She firmly rejected the idea.
 
“But it would mean that I will no longer come to the gym every day without fail.”
 
“You intend to come every day…”
 
I told her no.
 
I’m pretty sure that I tried to be less rude than the day before.
 
“Oh.”
 
Senjougahara-senpai seemed genuinely surprised by the response.
 
“How strange. Was I wrong about you?”
 
“About what?”
 
“Someone like you would be unable to back down when presented with a challenge.”
 
“…”
 
That assumption of hers—was correct.
 
But, even if that were the case, I couldn’t allow myself to race against anyone. Of course, if I accepted the challenge and won, then the whole issue would be settled. But if I were to lose… I didn’t want to think about what would happen.
 
Also, there was the question of whether Senjougahara-senpai would actually back down if I won against her in the race—so it would be all risk with no reward.
 
“No thanks.”
 
She simply said that she understood.
 
I fell silent, and Senjougahara-senpai left—but before she departed the gym, she cleaned up the snack wrappers and put away the chair that she had used while observing our practice. She did seem to have had a good upbringing.
 
I was happy if she understood that she wouldn’t be able to convince me to join her club, but, thinking about it more, Senjougahara-senpai hadn’t said what it was that she understood. The true meaning of her words was a mystery.
 
And the next day, that mystery was solved.
 
For the third time, Senjougahara Hitagi arrived in the gymnasium during the basketball team’s practice. But unlike the first and second visits, she was not wearing her school uniform, nor was she wearing the erotic—that is to say, stylish—uniform of the track club, but she instead wore one of our own basketball uniforms.
 
Her back bore the number 4.
 
Well, actually, the number was also on the front of her jersey, so I don’t suppose I needed to specify that it was on her back. Anyway, the point is that the #4 jersey belonged to the captain.
 
I looked back to confirm and found that, sure enough, our team captain was in the back of the gym wearing her P.E. uniform and polishing a basketball. I just polished that one. Why are you polishing it again? Just how shiny do you want that ball to be? It’ll slip out of our hands if you give it any more polish than that.
 
Apparently our team captain rented out her uniform, what you might call the symbol that our team followed, to Senjougahara-senpai when she asked for it. You could say that this was the instant when all of our captain’s authority vanished.
 
Once this whole thing was settled, there would be a coup d'état.
 
“If you will not compete with me on the track, then I will come to your field and compete with this basketball. Does this work for you?”
 
“Uh… huh…?”
 
To be entirely honest, I was mostly just feeling uneasy at that point in time, and I definitely didn’t want to accept her challenge. I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have when she had shown up a third time to try and convince me to join the track club?
 
She did, technically, ask for the “captain’s” permission before doing this (it pains me that I had to put quotation marks around captain, but that reflects the sad state of affairs at the time), and so half of the gym’s court was reserved for myself and Senjougahara-senpai to have our competition.
 
Our showdown.
 
Bout. Duel.
 
What actually followed was not as dramatic as the words used to describe it might suggest. It wasn’t instantly resolved, and there was definitely some tension during the competition, but it’s a bit difficult to have much drama when the competition is just a free throw contest. Our “captain,” or, I guess I should say, our captain, insisted that we have a competition where there was no risk of us coming into physical contact with each other. I was a new member on the team, and while Senjougahara-senpai was a veteran athlete, she was not a basketball player. So, to be on the safe side, it was decided that we could not have a true 1-on-1 match on the off chance that either of us should get injured.
 
Whoever made ten baskets first would win.
 
There were no handicaps, and the competition proceeded in a simple and straightforward manner—we took turns taking our shots, and after thirty minutes, it was all over.
 
The final score was ten to nine.
 
It was a close match—which Senjougahara-senpai won.
 
We both missed a number of shots, but we remained neck-and-neck throughout, until, in the end, Senjougahara-senpai managed to get the final basket.
 
“It was a good competition.” Senjougahara spoke, brushing aside her long, elegant hair. “Kanbaru-san, it seems that you are more suited for the basketball court than the track—I hope that you will continue to give it your best.”
 
She turned on her heel and left the gym.
 
I had already been thinking of some way to avoid taking part in races (such as by focusing on long jump or high jump) and had resigned myself to having to join the track club, so when Senjougahara-senpai simply departed, I was left dumbfounded for a moment.
 
But it was only a moment.
 
I hurriedly chased after Senjougahara-senpai—and I full-out sprinted, so I quickly caught up to her elegant walk, and I grabbed her wrist.
 
Grabbing someone by the wrist is a forceful way to stop them. One might say that it’s wild and violent, which is to say, it’s very me. Senjougahara-senpai turned to look at me with obvious suspicion, and perhaps she was letting her real self show through because her gaze was sharp.
 
Under that sharp gaze, I asked, “Was this your goal from the start?”
 
It was almost more like an interrogation than a simple question, which was also very like me.
 
“You wanted to compete with me, beat me, and then drop me?”
 
“… What do you mean? For what reason would I do such a thing?”
 
Senjougahara-senpai asked back seriously without any hint of evasion.
 
“To protect me,” I replied.
 
The outline was simple enough—there was no mistake that the original reason that she had come to the gym was to scout me for the track team after hearing rumors about me.
 
And she would surely have anticipated that there was a chance that I would say no to her invitation.
 
But what she did not anticipate was the super strength of my refusal—that is, my more-than-necessary, full-on rejection. And I had rejected her so rudely in front of all of her followers.
 
Senjougahara-senpai managed to keep things peaceful at that time, but, as they say, bad news travels fast. A newly enrolled first-year who dared to bare her teeth at the elegant and skilled Senjougahara Hitagi would be a rumor that reached every ear in record time, and when it did… my school life would have a very bleak outlook.
 
I had planned—which is to say, foolishly assumed—to deal with that problem when the time came, but Senjougahara-senpai had a way to prevent it from happening in the first place.
 
She was able to rein in the people who followed her directly, but she had no way of anticipating what others might do upon hearing the rumor—people are good on their own, but there’s plenty of bad to be found in a group. That was why Senjougahara-senpai needed to get ahead of the rumors and put an end to the story—and in a way that would let her be in the winning position. But it wasn’t just about her winning—she needed to win in such a way that it would be a close battle so as not to tarnish the reputation of the first-year rising star of the basketball team.
 
And so we had a free-throw contest.
 
… Thinking about it more, it had been strange for the team captain to just go along with whatever Senjougahara-senpai said, but then also be the one to decide on the rules for the contest in the way that she did… In other words, by having us take turns to do our free throws, they would be able to control the scores, and the two of them must have arranged the entire circumstance of our contest from the start, back whenever Senjougahara-senpai had gone to ask to borrow the uniform (which means I was completely wrong about the captain).
 
If I had accepted her challenge on the second day—which would have been the best for Senjougahara-senpai—she could have controlled her speed so as to put on a show of it being a close race between the two of us.
 
She must have a lot of confidence to have been so sure that she could “barely win in a neck-and-neck competition” in not only running on the track but also a free throw competition. That she was able to pull it off so cleanly, however, meant that I could not fault her for that confidence.
 
By clearly and definitively beating me and then, just as clearly and definitively, acknowledging my ability in a public space—which is to say, giving me permission to continue playing basketball—she would knock down the perceived conflict and defuse the situation with her fans who might have wished me harm.
 
“… Supposing that I had been thinking along those lines…”
 
Senjougahara-senpai spoke now in a flat, sober voice that was entirely unlike how she had been talking up until that point.
 
“Wouldn’t you be throwing away my consideration by confronting me and voicing your thoughts to me? Are you not undoing what I’ve just done?”
 
She was trying to tell me that I should follow her lead and subtly accept what she did for me. I let go of her wrist.
 
And then I took hold of her hand instead.
 
I did so gently.
 
I copied Senjougahara-senpai’s mannerisms of softness and kindness—she no doubt thought that I was trying to have a friendly parting handshake to show that there were no hard feelings, but instead I did something that was completely unexpected and kissed the back of her hand.
 
“W… What?!”
 
She practically screamed the word with surprise, and I straightened.
 
“No, I don’t think so.” I declared. “Because I have decided to accept your kindness and go far beyond what is necessary to repay it—Senjougahara-senpai.”
 
From now on, I am your dog.
 
That’s what I told her.
 
Senjougahara Hitagi and Kanbaru Suruga. The pair that would go on to be called the Valhalla Duo began here.
 
“Are you an idiot?”
 
I still think that those words and the cold smile that came with them were probably Senjougahara-senpai’s genuine, impartial reaction to what I had said.
 
 
As usual, thank you spr-o-ckt for contributing to this commission.
A cute little story. I wish we could see more of those that actually feels important rather than yet another pun-filled discussion about a random topic.
See you next time for another story !

P.S please seek out help to me, or call your loved ones if you notice these early signs.
Marriage with you was my happiness but prison was already the big red flag that I ignored the moment I knew you 8 months ago. I had it wrapped around my finger, mistakes were bound to happen on our journey but going out to go do cheating was never & ever will be on my list. An 18 year old girl and a 22 year old man. I pushed you to do the best but even the ‘your happiness is my happiness’ did not want to align in your mind. For nearly 8 months your inner hidden subconscious led you to believe I was jealous of you. Jealous of your trading currencies, jealous of your looks, jealous of your job, jealous of your successes & passes, jealous of your money. I made mistakes most of these people were my old friends who i left without a word for you but I am not a try to impress girl, i never was & i never will be. All i wanted & asked for were flowers not a daily bags of expenses from you. I only wanted you to be kind and have a nice tone. When you love, you do love hard but your hatred and want to hurt me surpasses your love for me Murad, you never ever wanted to forgive me Murad but I have and I still do. Since i met you i’ve been on fight or flight mode, I fear you but im not scared of you anymore, but this is still your nature from a little baby to a grown man entering his prime years. You will not change or learn Murad. Changing does not mean praying 5 times and reading Quran. You still managed to fit another woman from another country in our marriage, forget the relationship it was haraam. I never done that Murad. I didnt keep a man on my iMessage or WhatsApp in our marriage. You love money, sex & drugs. It’s what you worshipped since young. That is your qismat. The difference is I had my reason not excuses for my mistakes but you had no reason or excuse Mo because that is in your blood it is how you were born and grew up. You became the waste end product of this emerging environment. I was never the way I was last year Murad, when I was 8, I was taking my shoes & clothes off on roads in my country to give to the poor children, I stole biscuits from my grandmother’s corner shop and was smacked just so I could to give to the orphans whereas at 9 you were smoking weed, having intercourse with women & carrying zombie knives in your pants, leaving a gun in higham hills park or St james park. And if i met men before you and wanted to conceal it you rip my throat off and attempt to take my life? Your story does not deserve to be told in schools Murad, your story is not a life lesson but a facade because you have not learned your lesson, you just become more & more proud about your old ways. You know why? Because I know you don’t regret it Murad, a person who regrets their deed does not boast or feels proud, the man who is regretful of his past actions asks for forgiveness, conceals the sin and moves on. The real reason why you boast about your case is because you were controlling the city’s drug supply. You love control & you love power. Do you know what happens to the elite above when they have so much money, do you know what is above money and below Dajjal? Power. You love power & being in control of your family, friends & wife. That’s how you’ve created your trust issues as well as your own fake army. People can’t be honest around you because you’ve pre built a foundation of fear Murad through your tone, words & agression. Control yourself before you control those around you. That’s the dynamics of it. Stop instilling fear in people to get your stomach full. I have the right to diagnose you with this, you have borderline personality with narcissistic personality and a lack of empathy; a result of your traumatic past experiences so Murad prove my point you don’t trust anyone else to handle my mistakes and forgive me or try to understand me unless you handle my mistake the way your revengeful gut wants to hurt and deal with me. I’ve made mistakes but my love was stronger than me hurting you, we always found each other when we needed each other the most. But that fell off when we got married, you chose friends over your wife waiting for you for 5 hours at home, and coming home to find out you have a secret girlfriend from a week in our nikkah. I forgive you Murad. How do I go to my class with other 18 year old girls knowing I married the lover of my life who nearly ended my life nights previously? How do I deal with this ? Im very mature and I don’t feel my age but somewhere in me is still 18.
You moulded me into a liar because of fear & you moulded me into a broken girl because of your past experience and mistakes i did and you did. Murad I didn’t care that you had no money. My vision is slowly settling into my system and I think the women, family and friends around you is okay with you making & spending haraam money but not me Murad. Just like how you did not like some of my ways and I changed even if i stumbled and made silly mistakes half way or when we ended but i did not like some of your ways and you didn’t change. I didn’t meet anyone. In fact Murad you are my worst nightmare. i ignored all your mistakes every one but little i knew, one day shut me down as if i was your biggest mistake. I put you in your place and you have never had that and neither have I been forced in that position, but yet i still cared if i had money just like when you were at work all day I begged my mother to send me money so my husband can have food in his belly from my bed. I went miles for you but then so did you. You crossed the line on 08/06/2024. You suffocated me with a pillow, grabbed my throat so hard I could not breathe, held a knife at my throat and bruised me, smacked me right on my entire left face and nose, attempted to throw me across the balcony in a tightening grip. I tried to hide the bruises from you, but my arm were in so much pain that when you threw me around I had to let the pain escape my mouth. Murad you ruined an 18 year old girl’s life, Murad I didn’t deserve it at all Murad you tainted and left a big stain by destroying me. Murad you are my biggest mistake but was not your biggest mistake & if thats what you believe then one day you will face the consequence of how big of a mistake I was to you like you said because i never physically, intentionally hurt you behind or in front of you. Its okay, I won’t let your mother or your family know what you done to me because God is the one who delivers justice, not me Murad. I bit you and slapped you so hard because you deserved it at that time, but did I deserve what you physically, mentally and intellectually put me through? Murad i was reading my Shahadah that night in your arms. I was really scared, I’ve never felt that scared. I was shaking. My body was shaken. My mind was shaken. My heart was shaken. Murad you gave me PTSD & trauma, you left me neglected and abused many times but I accepted you for you. I now have to go therapy and take medication Murad just because I hid talking to men in my past and you punished me in a way Allah’s mercy wouldn’t do. I did not cheat on you & I payed my truth in blood when I slit my wrist to prove to you that I did not cheat & or sleep with any men, I was a virgin Murad, but you accused me of the worst Murad in front of everybody Murad. You should have shot me in my heart there because thats where I hurt the most, it’s not fair. Murad If you’re reading this and think you are still a good kind man after what you done to me then prove me wrong, find that goodness seed inside of your heart and hold on to it and believe me for once Murad you know that man was lying to destroy us & it worked.
The night that traumatic night occured, my father previously mentioned to my mother ‘ this girl will die in his hands’ my dad predicted this action.
But that was not enough, your end goal was to murder me & you have. I died that night Murad, you broke me into pieces before and tried to kill me but the night on the 08/06/2024 you murdered me & I did not deserve a pinch of it. I constantly pleaded with you softly, I begged you to stop and stop hurting me that night. Murad do you know what hurts me ? Is if my father witnessed with his eyes how much you mashed my body so much with my face into the bed and wall with your hands & weight, you suffocated and tried to kill me with your hands Murad, I would die before i let my father witness you choking his daughter, history has repeated in your family and someone will do this to your daughter Murad and this time i promise you will see it happen in the moment and that is when your world will end. I didn’t meet anyone when we were together. Murad i promised you my time will come one day when i’ll make you face & understand the consequences of your abusive actions forget words. I won’t punish you, what is gone before is long gone & all you have now is the result of your actions. And that will be my last remembrance of you, you won’t see my face anywhere, you wont hear my name anywhere & you won’t find my anywhere. Murad you are not a man, you are not a stay.busy17 man either and you are definitely not a money motivated man. You sit down on your bed more than you get to work. I do not stand for revenge Murad so destiny and god will restore justice for my silence & sufferings that I faced all alone in your house. I had nobody. Nobody Murad. It was just me And God in your house. That night you nearly ended my life, i repeatedly said to myself ‘Papa please help me God please help me Papa please help me God please save me’ Murad when someone is in so much pain God takes away the pain not by ending their life but by taking their soul out of their body for a few seconds to relieve the pain. I did not meet anyone. My ‘revenge’ is not violence nor revenge itself, my revenge is God, only a taste of your medicine Murad, I will disappear out of your life so quietly without notice because you hurt me more than you love me. Life is not a game, but you are the one who chose this game to play so you’ll play it nicely now. The evilness inside of your eyes that night is something I will never forget. All I wanted was for you not to do drugs in our marriage. In the UK, 75% of ex-inmates reoffend within nine years of release, and 39.3% within the first twelve months, If you are reading this and wondered why I have written this there then you have guessed right,
because you a 22 year old man attempted homicide on an 18 year old girl through grievous bodily harm (GBH), strangulation in form of abuse, with evident body bruises on arm, face, inner thigh and chest/neck. Men like you Murad, they call you strangles. You are most likely to become killers in almost every situation & It is scientifically proven that if you strangle me and if i stay you WILL eventually kill me. My parents were right on their conscious prediction. My life never has and can not be trusted in your hands.
This is only 30% of everything. The rest I will keep to myself.

To start off I have to preface this that in the past I 10000% know I have been an ass hole. That's mainly why I have taken to reddit to get some outsider's opinions. Myself and my SO jumped into things extremely fast in the beginning. It was amazing but when things were terrible and I had a tendency to set standards too high and, for easier explanations, would throw tantrums if things weren't right. I had terrible communication skills. I both literally and metaphorically pushed her and my family away to the point of separation after a lot of years. I got diagnosed with bipolar and severe depression. For everyone out there, I will say that it doesn't excuse ones actions because of things. I chose not to find help before shtf. Anyway fast forward a while, we ended up staying best friends. Kinda hard finding someone that knows and understands you as well as a partner for that long. We have a couple of kids so I was there all the time anway. We got into a big fight back in late September. I called her the next morning and I said if it's going to be like this then I'm done. Talk to me about the kids and that's it. (I promise this isn't one of those miserable stories. Just a lot of ups and downs for a bit.) She replied with no, you aren't allowed and I just want to forget about last night and I want to fix things. Weird way to get back together but whatever. I love her more than anything ever. The kids are the only thing I put first ahead of her. The oldest is in middle school and she has been there since he was 1. So not some teen "but I love herrrr" kind of love. Like I genuinely love her. From about mid October to Christmas we thought she was having health issues. Her family has a history of thyroid issues so that's what we assumed. For some of you, I bet you can guess. We found out she was a little over 20 weeks pregnant January 3rd. Obviously not mine because we weren't together. She called flipping out thinking I was going to be an ass (not unjustified. Old me would have). I calmed her down and by the end of the day I started planning. This is an important fact! Throughout the pregnancy, sperm donor was less than impressive and not that involved. I ended up becoming excited and ready. She freaked out the entire time. This was number 3. Her communication skills are improving. Both of us are in therapy to improve it and things have been going amazing till recently. Baby is her and she is amazing. Stole my heart just like the other 2 and I plan on being there and treating her as though she was my flesh and blood. Sperm donor has still been less than impressive. Instead of buying a car that isn't a beater and can have her in it, he buys a gun. I live an hour and a half and routinely drive up just to spend the day. He lives a little further but made the effort twice so far. Talking about important things like health, custody, child support, you know the important shit. He beats around the bush. Also talks about things like his boys' sports will be interrupted so he doesn't know if he can be there all the time. And there is also their mother throwing a fit and basically making decisions for him. SO now to the part I'm conflicted with. I understand it's his kid and everything, but I'm on weekend number 3 of barely seeing everyone. We live separately because I have a house I'm trying to sell and 1 her parents aren't the biggest fan (but still need my help and routinely will wait till I'm there? Topic for another day) and 2 she is up where we want to be and it's better for the kids. But I feel like I routinely get pushed off to give him the opportunity to be something. The union gave us 4 days for Memorial Day, I got 3 hours with MY KIDS because he was there one day and they were busy. I got time with her and the baby on Friday though. Again, he shows up the next weekend. I get 3 hours again. Now this weekend it's a combo of me working on Saturday and being tighter than she'd like on cash. So not really upset when you just look at that one by itself. Next weekend is where I have a big problem, and once again, I'm trying to be understanding, but she is planning on going to HIS kids birthday (my daughter is his kid's only friend) but then talking about spending Sunday too because it's father's day. My consolation prize, maybe some time before the party. Am I the ass hole for being fed up and beyond upset? I'm trying to be understanding but I feel like this is one of those tests or I'm getting bent over. I want to be dad. I want to be a good SO and make this time better than ever. It's not like I'm not trying. ANY advice would be grand as well.

A few years ago, I had a dog named Bear. A bit on the nose for a Newfoundland, I know, but the day I found him wandering around the street, I was more concerned with helping him than coming up with something clever. As such, the name started out as a joke, but when I was sure that I was gonna officially adopt him and the time came to actually give him a name, I had been using it so consistently that he responded to it. So, Bear it was.
He was a good dog. I never figured out how old he actually was - he didn’t look very big when I found him, but I’m not privy to dogs, especially ones this big, so I never could pin down an age. He was certainly a character - he barely ever barked, would sleep on my floor instead of the expensive bed that I bought him (just my luck), and would randomly get explosive bursts of energy that transformed him from a dog into a battering ram. He alternated between being afraid of his own shadow and being willing to die for me, all over a squirrel that scurried in front of us while we were out on a walk. I bought him a red collar that just barely fit him, and he made it his mission to try and discard it in the funniest ways possible, like rubbing his neck against walls and scratching at it with his hind legs. Despite his quirks, I loved him, and he certainly loved me.
If you really gave it some thought, he was odd in other ways than just his personality. I mean, on the day I found him, what was a Newfie doing in the middle of a toll road in the forests of California? I’d just assumed he was a puppy from a mill that got out, but it was cooler to imagine some crazy backstory for him. Bear, the vampire dog, who prowled the Six Rivers National Forest as its apex predator, was tamed one day by half a ham sandwich. It gave me a good laugh, if nothing else.
It was a couple of years after I got Bear that I started dating a girl I’d met at a coffee shop a few miles away. We’d hit it off to the point that we were staying at each other’s houses, and life was good. Bear seemed to like her, and since she had his seal of approval, she had mine. That’s just how it worked.
One day, I left her in charge of watching Bear while I ran errands. Given that he’d chewed through the bottom of a door the day prior (we were working on it), I couldn’t leave him by himself, and since the grocery store was a few miles away from my house, I thought she shouldn’t have any trouble with him. She was a vet tech, after all, and had given me plenty of pointers on how to deal with him.
I got back an hour later and found my date on the couch where I left her, watching the next episode of the show we were binging. I was a bit pissed that she went on without me, but was more concerned with where Bear was. When I’d left, he was at her feet, sound asleep. Now, though, he was absent. I searched the upstairs first, in hopes that he was actually using the dog bed for once, but to no avail. I walked back downstairs and into the kitchen, hoping that he was lying on the air vent that he liked. He wasn’t there, but I did find something that no pet owner wants to see. The chain on the back door was dangling, ripped out of the wall, and the door was pushed open. My stomach sank as I realized what happened, and I just sat there for a moment before my date walked into the kitchen and covered her mouth.
She profusely apologized, and I wasn’t really angry at her - sure, she should have been paying more attention, but I was sure that he didn’t get very far. I’d assumed that he had seen a squirrel through the backdoor and broke out to try to get after it, and hoped he’d tired himself out and was lying in the shade under one of the trees in the backyard. Still, I wanted to do more than just hope, so I grabbed the flashlights I kept in the utility drawer, and we walked out into the backyard, hoping to find him.
I lived on the edge of the aforementioned national forest, and Bear and I often went on walks through there, so if he wasn’t out back, he was certainly in the woods. I knew the area well, but it was still a lot of ground to cover, and we didn’t have a lot of time before it was pitch black. We searched for a few hours, and while I wanted to keep going, she was tired, and regrettably, I was too. We decided that he’d probably be fine for the night, and went back inside, intent on starting a new search bright and early.
We spent all of the next day searching. We spent all of the next week searching. Hell, it almost came up on a month, and I was starting to recognize the lichen patterns on specific trees before I had to face it. Bear was gone. I had put up flyers with reward money and scoured every area of the woods from top to bottom. I was heartbroken, to say the least.
I kind of shut myself off from the world a little bit after that. I stopped talking to the girl I was seeing - I didn’t really blame her, but I couldn’t build a relationship on a complete disaster like that. I started working from home instead of making the commute to the office, as even driving down the forested roads that I had spent hot afternoons frantically searching made me a bit queasy. I was a mess, and I didn’t get over it for a long time.
This all happened a little over three years ago, and I was mostly over it by this point. I’d since met and married my wife, and we were expecting our first child in a few months. We were still living in the same house - even if it had some sad memories attached to it, it was still a nice place, and I wasn’t willing to give up on it. I had hope that my new life with my family would help drown out some of the sadness that still stained the place. Part of me still wished that Bear was there to see it with me.
Ideally, that would’ve been the end of the story, or better yet, I wouldn’t even be writing this right now, but three weeks ago, everything changed. I woke up earlier than I usually would to get breakfast started, as it was a bit of a tradition between my wife and I to make pancakes every Saturday, and it was my turn that week. I was finishing up when I heard it, loud as day - a bark from the backyard. This scared the shit out of me, as it wasn’t something I’d heard from the backyard in years. I moved the pancakes to a plate, shut the stove off, and peeked out the window as I was transporting them to the dining table.
It sounds cliché, but I nearly dropped the plate onto the floor when I saw where the bark came from. It was Bear, standing in the middle of the yard. He looked remarkably clean, and it looked like he had finally managed to get the collar off. I started freaking out instantly, and yanked the back door open before running outside in just my bathrobe and slippers. I expected some fairy tale-esque reunion, with him jumping into my arms and knocking me down because of how heavy he was. I was ecstatic to see him, and I was expecting him to feel that same way.
Instead of running towards me, he turned and ran towards the tree line, growling. He turned around and got into an aggressive stance, his tail still and his eyes narrowed. I was stunned, but I figured that he had been in the woods for so long that he was probably scared to death by seeing me again. Regrettably, he might have also felt that I’d abandoned him, but that was a possibility I didn’t want to consider at that moment. He just needed some TLC, and he’d be my dog again just like that. I ran inside and grabbed the half-empty package of bacon from inside the fridge. I threw it on the stove and went back to the window, watching as Bear laid down in the yard. Oddly enough, he didn’t lie in the shade under the trees, like he usually would have, but right in the sun. Three years was a long time to be lost, so maybe his habits had been turned upside down by learning to survive.
I put the bacon in a paper bowl and walked outside. I shook the bowl, calling his name from the concrete porch. He didn’t budge, still lying in the middle of the yard. I figured I’d leave it sitting out, and he’d come get it when he felt more comfortable. My wife was up by this point, justifiably confused by me calling my lost dog’s name from the back of the house. I excitedly showed her that he’d returned, but she seemed less enthusiastic than me. She smiled upon seeing him, but she didn’t have the same connection to him that I did, so I couldn’t blame her for her diluted reaction.
I went to the store right away to grab new dog food, water and food bowls, and most importantly, parts for a doggy door. We lived in a safe enough area that I could install one without fear of a break in, and I wanted to ease Bear back into our house by letting him come in at his own pace. I spent the whole day installing it, glancing over my shoulder every few seconds to make sure he wasn’t getting into trouble. He just laid in the sun, presumably napping.
The next morning, I walked into the kitchen to see if there were any signs that Bear had been in the house. Sure enough, there was a clump of black fur stuck in the corner of the doggy door, and the dry food I’d put in the bowl looked to be partially eaten. I told my wife as such when she got up, and she wasn’t fazed by it, instead grabbing my hand and leading me upstairs back into our bedroom. I hadn’t noticed when I got up, but one of the dog bones I’d left on the back patio was on our bedroom carpet, implying that he’d been in there last night, probably guarding us while we slept. My wife seemed a bit disturbed by this, but I was thrilled. To me, this just served as proof that part of my old Bear was still in him - he used to do that all the time, after all.
I sat down with my wife that night and started to discuss how we could make Bear feel more comfortable in our home, but she stopped me. She tried to reason that he had spent years presumably lost in the woods, and had probably become feral and unpredictable. As much as I wanted to cast those doubts aside and override her, she had a valid point; you don’t just spend years stranded and come back the same, human, dog, or otherwise. We met in the middle; if Bear was still hanging around the house in a month and showed signs of improved friendliness, we could try and reincorporate him into our lives. I would do anything to have him back, but I did have a pregnant wife to worry about, so I agreed. In the meantime, we agreed that I’d install a lock on the doggy door so that he or anything else couldn’t get inside. I made a mental note to go to the hardware store sometime next week, as the next day was a national holiday and it was closed.
I abruptly woke up at around 2 in the morning, and wasn’t sure what woke me at first. I thought that I might need water, so I started to head downstairs to get some from the tap. When I got into the kitchen, I started to retrieve a glass when I heard what sounded like scratching on the siding of the house. It was loud and rapid, as if something was trying to claw its way through the wall. Puzzled, I turned to look out the window, and almost choked on my water when I saw Bear’s head looking through the kitchen window. As soon as I saw him, the scratching immediately stopped. He wasn’t panting or anything, despite the fact that it sounded like he was trying to dig through the wall moments prior. He was just sitting at the window, staring at me. Admittedly, in the moonlight, he looked kind of creepy - just looking at me, motionless.
Before I could say his name to see if he would respond with a bark or any other noise, his head quickly sank below the window, in one fluid motion. Usually, when dogs dismount from a surface they’re looking over while standing on their hind legs, there’s a moment where they remove their first front paw and sort of stumble under their weight before moving the other one. That didn’t happen here, though - he just vanished without a sound. I was really creeped out by this point, but figured that he was just surveying the house to see if he felt more comfortable inside. I chalked his weird disappearance up to me being exhausted and it being too dark to fully see him moving.
The next morning, I told my wife that I thought Bear was getting more comfortable around us, and recounted the events of last night. She seemed a bit unsettled, and switched the subject to the doggy door, but I was too excited to take that into account. I told her I was going for a walk in the preserve, put on my running shoes, and left the house.
I was about two miles into the woods when I came across an open area that I hadn’t seen before. Odd, because I knew these woods like the back of my hand, but maybe some campers had come and illegally set up for the night. Several small trees in the area were snapped at the base, possibly in an attempt to free up space for a tent. Maybe this had been here and I just hadn’t noticed it?
That was the theory I was operating on at first, until I looked down at my feet and noticed what was going on. There were white objects poking out of the dirt, which I thought were just pebbles when I arrived. Now that I had actually stopped to look around, though, I noticed that they weren’t rocks at all, but little animal bones. I wasn’t really fazed upon seeing this - animals die in the woods all the time, and I’d probably just stumbled across a mountain lion’s work. That would have made sense, except for a few things.
For one, the bones seemed to be arranged in some sort of pattern. It didn’t look like any symbol in particular, just a set of interlocking circles. There was no way that an animal would arrange the bones of their prey like this, so I was already weirded out, but then I noticed that as the circles grew larger, so did the bones, to the point that some of them were bigger than my arm. I was sufficiently freaked out now, so I turned and went back the way I came, calling the park services helpline on my way home. They told me that I’d probably come across an area frequented by deer, and subsequently predators looking for a quick meal, and that it probably wasn’t anything to be concerned about. After I badgered them for a bit and explained the whole pattern thing, they agreed to send someone out to take a look at it, just in case. I was satisfied with that, so I continued home and tried not to think about it.
I caught glimpses of Bear in the backyard for a few weeks, but didn’t see him for a prolonged period of time until yesterday. I was sitting outside by our fire pit, reading, when I noticed his head poke out from behind one of the trees lining the path of the preserve. I couldn’t see the rest of his body, and that confused me, considering that his head was six feet above the ground. Given that my kitchen window was about the same height, I figured that he was once again standing on his hind legs, probably after some critter in the tree, and I couldn’t see his body because of the angle. That explanation made sense to me, so I didn’t really pay him any mind - if I chose to ignore him, maybe he’d feel like I wasn’t a threat, and would be more comfortable around me. At this point, I’d try anything.
I looked up again two minutes later, and he wasn’t at the tree anymore. I figured that whatever he was after jumped out of the tree and he’d hightailed it after them, so I went back to reading. The snap of a twig moments later grabbed my attention again, and I looked up to see his head poking out from behind another tree fifty feet away. He was at a different angle now, but I still couldn’t see his body, which should’ve been impossible considering how fluffy he was. I couldn’t tell from the newly increased distance, but I swore I saw a single one of his paws wrapped around the tree, almost like how a person would put their hand around a door frame for stability. I wasn’t sure if I was just seeing things, but I wasn’t in the mood to read anymore, so I went inside.
It hurt me to admit this, but at this point, I think I was accepting that Bear was too far gone, and I couldn’t really blame him for that. He was an animal who had been thrust into the cold, dark wilderness, and to expect him to be unchanged by that would be unfair. Still, I was building a family, and it was my duty to protect them. The next day, I got my opportunity to do just that when I spotted Bear once again lying in the center of the back lawn. I grabbed two baking sheets and walked outside, slapping them together and yelling. This loud display apparently worked, as he shot up and darted towards the tree line. I felt like absolute shit after doing this, but it was what needed to be done.
I thought that would be the end of it. I spooked him away, and now I could focus on getting our lives back to normal. Today was a Saturday morning, and instead of making pancakes, I intended on surprising my wife with breakfast from her favorite local donut shop, as she told me that she’d been craving them the night prior. I’m no dummy when it comes to hints, so I hopped into the car and peeled out onto the road, hoping I’d get there before all her favorite flavors sold out.
As I was speeding down the road, I saw it. Or, at least, I thought I did. Under one of the trees on the side of the road, I saw Bear. He was standing on his hind legs, with no support. He didn’t move his head to look at the car, or even show any kind of reaction to me passing him. He just sat there, doing nothing. I slammed on the brakes, and thank god there weren’t any other cars on the road at this time of day, because I would’ve caused an accident. I looked into the rearview mirror, and saw nothing under the tree. I jumped out of the car, looking around like a madman, and saw nothing. The woods were silent, save for the sound of wind and twigs snapping in the distance.
I got back into the car and took a moment before driving again. What I’d just seen, I wasn’t sure, and I was having a full-blown panic attack as a result. After I took some deep breaths, reason returned to me, and I figured that I was seeing things that weren’t there, in dark places in the light of dawn. I resumed driving, albeit at a much slower pace than before. I couldn’t exactly focus my full attention on the road.
When I got to the donut shop, I was met with a pleasant surprise - in line in front of me was the vet tech that I’d been seeing years ago. Even though we’d stopped seeing each other, we ended on fine terms, and didn’t harbor any bad feelings toward each other, as evidenced by the smile and hug we greeted each other with. She asked to grab a couple of coffees and donuts to catch up for a little bit before I returned home, and I agreed, wanting to get my mind off of things. She had done well for herself - she was a full blown vet now, and had been for some time. She was married and had a son, and gave me a bunch of jokey warnings about parenthood. The subject turned to pets, and even though I didn’t want to sour feelings between us, I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut about Bear.
I told her everything that happened, save for what I’d just seen fifteen minutes ago - I wasn’t even sure if I’d actually seen it. She looked concerned while I talked, and tried to interject a few times, but I just kept spilling my feelings. When the floor was finally hers, she hesitated for a second, and then spoke.
“That’s… impossible.”
“What?”
“I really didn’t wanna tell you this, because I didn’t wanna hurt you more, but a few months after we stopped talking, someone brought Bear into our office. He was hit by a car, and we did everything we could… but there was nothing we could do. I didn’t call you about it, because I didn’t think you wanted to hear that your dog was dead.”
I asked her how she was so sure. It couldn’t be. I’d seen my dog alive.
“His collar. He had his collar on when he came into the office. The red one with his name tag on it.”
I left the shop after that. I didn’t leave the parking lot, though. Not because I was afraid to go home, even if I was.
But because I was ashamed. I’m a bad husband. I forgot to get a lock for the doggy door.

I just want to add that they are good kids. They are. They are kind, easy going and fun. But my brother and his wife are way, way, way out of touch. They spend, spend, spend. Like it's going out of style.
I just drove out of state two weeks ago to spend time with the youngest for his 4th bday. It involved a really cool Nerf gun/scooter and a really nice chocolate cake from Publix.
They are pissed at me because I forgot to call him today and wish him a happy birthday because today is his actual birthday. Like m*********** I just went down there the other week.
My other nephew is getting ready to turn 14. I was thinking arcade, fun park, pizza, maybe a pair of shoes, I dunno. His mom texted me and told me he wants a One wheel. A fucking $1000 unicycle. Are you out of your damn mind? When I was 14 I got an AC/DC box set and a cake.
This kid already has a meta quest, apple watch, a four wheeler, an electric scooter, a hoverboard, a pool, a trampoline. They own a big ass camper so they are always going cross country to camp. Trips on top of trips.
And now a one wheel.
I love my nephew but f*** that. I'm a construction manager at a small mom and pop owned company. I do okay for myself but I absolutely refuse to spend that kind of money on a kid for his birthday. That's too extravagant.
And they are surprised when I asked to say that we can all throw in on it and just give him one gift. And now they are so salty at me for forgetting to call the youngest boy on his actual birthday, AFTER I drove 3 hours down south to spend time with him. Like none of my uncles never did any of that for me.
It's made me pretty f****** salty.

Hi there, thank you for reading this and glad to join the ranks of DM! I created a short one-shot with part of my group, when lots of us wanted to play, buy DMs and most members were busy. After that, they loved it so much that, today, almost a month after the initial session, i've finished a 3rd, this one introducing out main DM (that honestly wanted to play, for once. the other DM only fills in when the main one is missing).
I'd love, if you have the patience to read this full way, to give me some sort of feedback. I've obviously asked their opinions, but, as i do to my DMs, i only mention things when they are VERY wrong. Most of the time, nothing big comes up, so feedback is positive (if we particularly liked an encounter or npc). I'd like someone else(reddit hivemind)'s opinion.
As a background, this is my 3rd session as a DM, and the one i was most unprepared as far as homework is concerned. I didn't know where or what they wanted to do, so i simply had a concrete set of things that could happen and go from there.
I'll give you the setting below, but i just want to mention, as i told my group, this is just for fun and just to do crazy stuff (that wouldn't destabilize, say, an entire continent. so i often ask them what they would be interested in further, to the point in which, one of the players tried communing to their god so much, i gave them a normally useless/flavor item, but they can use it to hold concentration on a 2nd spell. Anyway, i'm rambling. Just know i bend the rules for story and flavor, but keep encounters within 5e rules.
Right, the setting. Some of this will be covered as spoilers, if you want to figure things out along with the players.
Players start in the official WotC universe, it doesn't really matter if it's Forgotten Realms or not, they are taken from there to Island thought a unnatural encounter (A dark storm cloud that came chasing them from the back of the ship. In one case, initial players tried to flee from it. Another group, due to the background of the player, was a naval battle (not played mechanically, just being caught in the storm during the battle)
Any new players can be brought to the Island, and it fits the plot. They start by meeting part of the crew in a tavern, on any city or island with a dock. Players are either new recruits to this "pirate" crew, or simply ask for safe passage, not as crewmen. Crew (names can be in the comment if you want): Captain, 1st Mate, and 6 more crewmates; two v close ones that are the "muscle", and another 4. There are more that can be added, but this is at the start. After their first meeting, i did a small fight with another pirate crew, for my initial players, while for the others, they just wanted to catch up the rest, so we got them to the island as fast as possible. I even allowed them to keep good equipment stored under deck, to not be lost.
They wake up on the beach, shipwrecked. Once on the island, there were a number of checks players had available, depending on what they were interested in: Location/Time -> Noon, sun is at the apex Themselves/ex. Medicine check -> No wounds, maybe missing 5hp at most, but they find a Silver necklace, with a large, blank, circle form in the middle. When they put it on: >! They have a series of visions of a figure, facial traits and voice shifting wild for a moment, before becoming limited to 1,2 or 3 different entities, sharing/fighting for control to speak and be heard over the others.!<Depending on your player's background, you can give them a selection of deities across all pantheons (haven't made a decision on Primeval ones), which the player can make a choice on, even evil ones, if they really want to. Once they agree to a god, their holy symbol will be engraved in the silver necklace they put on. Checking the boat -> Immediately obvious, this is not the ship they were sailing on. The damage to it was different (one was struck by lightning in the middle of the deck, the other should have had cannon holes after the skirmish) Both of them are visibly not the ships they were on at first. I game them a different name for both the ships they traveled on and the ships they woke up on, so in total, 4 different names.
Surroundings -> Immediate vicinity - the other players, Captain, 1st mate, the 6 from the tavern and, if needed, other npcs if pcs want to bring someone else with them, or if they wanted to world build with more cremates. i was thinking for the potential of this small campaign i have and it can easily add more characters. I actually should create the base versions at least before it gets repetitive. you'll understand later
Surroundings -> What is next to us - 3 hours away, on the coastline, another shipwreck. For those players that weren't satisfied with just this, and turned around, they would see, approximatelly the same distance from the first one they saw, another, 3rd shipwreck, counting for your own as well Surrondings -> In-land - A eeriely well define change in the flora. You start off at the beach, at 100-150yr you start so see a few palm trees spread here and there, which eventually, another 100-150yr deeper, turn into a dense jungle-biom. For players with flying, they can also see the jungle has an end, at which there is an elevated plateau above even above the trees (jungle ~200-300yr, plateau another 150~), at the center of which they see a thin volcano, perfectly aligned with the sun. first spoiler, players can hear no fauna. No birds or other animals, anywhere on the island. This is generally where players realize this the first time. Second spoiler, it so happened this is the first time the first group checked the sky again and noticed the Sun was still at the apex, as if it was mid-day. Yes, i've made 15h day with only noon, and a 5 second sunset, before the atmosphere is taken over by an early night, the light from the sun beginning to leave the sky
Once the party figure out they are no longer in Kansas, those that haven't had the choice made, are told they should think about putting on the necklace Doing a headcount, only 1/3 of the crew that sailed off is present. 1/3 is missing with no trace, 1/3 could be attributed to some weird tracks This third of the crew can be either nameless or it can be used to take out any character the DM wants. What players see, there are dips in the sand, then tracks, then nothing. So, someone was there, got up, took a number of steps, then disappeared from their spot. This will be somewhat explained later
Now, from here, i really liked a system the guys from Dimension 20 did. Sure, hate me if you want :)). Basically, once they all wake up, they have certain checks they need to make. At first, daily, later on, weekly. These include: Two Survival checks, one for Food one for Shelter. There is a Crew Maintenance check as well. All three of these are mandatory on each track. What the player chooses to do for these is totally up to them. For Food, the first players salvaged tens of rations, so they just needed to subtract the consumption, while the 2nd group didn't consider it and had to forage when i asked them what they're going to eat today (they have ways of finding food, but i wanted to make rations relevant, stranded island and all). As for Shelter, they first cleared out the boat, to sleep inside, then they started building some cover outside the ship, as well as some barricades, so they can't be approached from 180 degrees. I've counted these as valid for those checks.
Aside from the 3 mandatory ones, they can also choose to do Self Improvement (ex, training into a new proficiency, wizard learning new spells etc), Exploration (figure out the terrain, it's how they found the 2 other ships mentioned above) Relations (if they want to get on better terms with the entire or part of the crew, or even have 1 on 1 time with people. I awarded this with either unlocking some piece of info they didn't realize initially, or give them advantage when asking the crew to agree with them with a persuasion roll. made it meaningful for the player. We have 3 more: The Mystery track (spending time here would have me guide them towards a place or a piece of info they haven't yet encountered or uncovered; basically "Help, what do i do now" option. After this is the Commune track, which everyone must participate in during a full moon. If they don't they will miss out, Doing this at least once is a milestone for levelup oh yes, we use milestones, so they can go through levels faster in a shorter time. it just makes sense for me in this campaign, then the Rest track (to get rid of Stress. What is stress ? if you fail any check you try to make, in this set of tracks i've listed, you can take a Stress token, up to 5, to reroll that check. Each Stress token taken something away, ex, Losing proficiency with a tool, a weapon or a skill, having one of your pieces need repair after excessive use, and requiring them to not only relive the stress, but also fix the this they almost broke. Basically, stress is a temporary hinderance they can get rid of by resting.
Players have time for 3 of these checks during the day and 1 after sun-down, if they want to do something optional. Also, another thing about the checks, they start off easy, at 5 or 10 DC for a success (the threshold went up as they leveled up), to which you add 5 more to the DC for each other check they do on the track. For example, a player could spend one day: 1st, Foraging or Fishing, with a DC of 5 (This covered the mandatory Fool track), 2nd he cooks it at DC 10 (this is the Crew Maintenance), 3rd he wants to spend the time with a friend in the crew, for a DC 20 charisma check. He fails, takes a Stress, then rerolls and succeeds. Lastly, he spends the early night watching the sea and trying to relax. That would mean a 25DC in order to relax, which can be number of things, but the only time someone had to do a rest, they rolled a Con ability check and passed it, so they lost the stress.
I'll end off with a cryptic i've left the players with, and well as what i actually planned to be going on. Thank you so much if you've read this far, let me know if you have questions or anything you can tell me, i appreciate you xo
Message, with forbidden knowledge, which players are not privy to yet: "Welcome, adventurers, to ($&#@*%) Island. Keep your senses sharp, as during the ($#@%^&%), your prowess and determination will be tested. When you are ready, make your way to the center of (^$#%$^#) Volcano and determine whom amongst you is worthy of being the new (&$#*$#@) of your God."
>! Welcome, adventurers, to FINAL Island. Keep your senses sharp, as during the BATTLEROYALE your prowess and determination will be tested. When you are ready, make your way to the center of ARENA Volcano and determine whom amongst you is worthy of being the new AVATAR of your God. !<

TBH, i tried to railroad them a bit where needed. Seeing they don't say the words, i've had pieces unlocked from their chosen god. In short, it is a competition in which Gods must participate, choose their champions and help them win the event. This will of course give the players riches beyond imagining, a wish spells, maybe 2 wish spells, who knows!? For those that didn't want to make a decision and not want to either, i told my players "You can refuse each and every deity you want, but that means another one will talk to you. That's where the Captain plays a role. At the start, i've asked the players to start as non-magic users, but being able to multiclass once they reach the island. They find out a bit later that there are no Warlocks in the crewmate.. it doesn't even cross their mind. until they realize, their captain is a Warlock. The only thing he did is he refused every single God. So, if a players wants to play Warlock, i told them they would have to speak and refuse every god i can see listed in the pantheon. And yes, there is something at the end of the line. !<

I don't know if i've missed anything big so far. It's already a long post and the story if really convoluted as is. If you'd like to ask about it, feel free, i'd love to talk about it more. Cheers evveryone!

I began my Fallout journey with Fallout 3, which I enjoyed and still do. It has some problems, but I think its merits outweigh them. Of course, I proceeded with New Vegas, which I think is still my favorite of this series. No words are necessary regarding it, it’s just a great game. I played a little bit of Fallout 4 but found myself enjoying it less the more I played it. I still liked it well enough.
After a few years without replaying the games, I finally could afford a PC and I immediately purchased Fallout 1, 2, and Tactics. Around the same time, the Fallout TV show came out, and that immediately sparked my interest in playing the older titles. This is my experience.

Fallout 1 is a huge time-sink. It’s a damn fine game with great atmosphere, writing, and fun gameplay.
I enjoyed the turn-based combat; it wasn't as quick and snappy as something like Final Fantasy Tactics, but it was well-realized and incredibly rewarding when I reached the later levels. Exploring a ruin and learning about the pre-war history, while not as engaging as New Vegas, was fun. I especially enjoyed the ticking clock element. It made every journey that much more important. I got pretty close to the vault running dry, but it never felt impossible to get everything I needed done.
The story was great as well. The way it was told reminded me of a Dark Souls game in which items and characters reveal small but important details, allowing the players to figure it out for themselves. The Master is probably still the best antagonist in any of these games. Such a perfectly realized character.
This game may be a lot shorter than I expected, but that just makes me want to hop back in for another play-through even more.
Pretty much a 10/10 for me.
Fallout 2 is a different beast. It reminds me of the attitude Stephen Spielberg had when making The Lost World. Fallout 2 is a biggebadder product. Though, just like The Lost World, I don't like it as much as the first game.
The gameplay is still excellent. There’s more emphasis on traveling between towns and focusing on their connections. Giving the player access to a car that regularly needs gas and can be stolen if you're not careful was a stroke of genius. I also liked the diverse random encounters you could find depending on the location; they made the world feel lived in.
While Fallout 2’s story has a great start, I don't think it pays off as much as it could. I’ve read up on the problems with this game’s development, so spare me those comments. This isn't about the shitty crunch and malicious micromanagement of Interplay, it’s about the actual product.
Fallout 2 starts with some intrigue. The Enclave is such a built-up menace, similar to how the Brotherhood was talked about in the first game. The further you progress, the more you find signs of the Enclave’s experiments, and the more you ask questions about them. But for about a third of the game, they disappear from most of the map. It makes sense since you’ll be in areas away from their control, but Fallout 1 solved this problem by putting the muties in two different endgame locations. I think doing that would have improved the pace of the game. It certainly would have helped flesh out the final location, which felt underdeveloped. The ways you deal with the oil plant was some Fallout 3/4 level of writing. It takes one very dumb conversation to either poison the Enclave or blow them up. At least Frank Horrigan was cool. He was probably the most fleshed-out part of the Enclave.
I still enjoyed the game. The individual quests were quite fun. I especially loved how they improved the companions. The way the game progressed made me change the way I used them. At first, I hated that Sulik refused to use guns; I figured out a good compromise for him with “Ranged, then melee”, and I switched him back to melee when I found top-tier melee weapons. I also loved the dialogue and personality of the characters. Greatly improved from the first game.
Probably an 8/10 for me.

I’d be interested in hearing people's thoughts on Tactics. What should I expect from that game?

Dear fellow gamers,
I am looking for your help in finding a name of game that I have seen a trailer for. I tried using all the possible keywords that I can resemble from the trailer, also used ChatGTP to help me, still no luck.
Somehow I believe that I saw this trailer on one of Sony`s events, but this might not be true.
What I can remember:
I vividly remember a dessert post-apocaliptic setting. This game involved a car, which was driven by a male protagonist. I believe that they had a hat. On the road they`ve made a stop at some location like a gas station, possibly with a motel nearby. There was some looting and a showcase of a gun (pistol or a revolver). The game is first-person. I also believe that there was a huge sand storm following the character at the end of the trailer. The graphics were good, not photorealistic, more like what you see in most modern stylized games: good lighint, smooth feel, somewhat simmilar to Pacific Drive (but definetely not it, I have checked all the trailers of it that I could have found).
What games partly fit the description (according to ChatGPT), but are NOT what I am looking for: Dustborn Roadout Forever Skies
Also, I should mention that this trailer was relatively new, I am sure that it came out in last 3-4 years.
I hope that somebody can figure it out, because I am starting to seriously doubt my memory. I will be very grateful if you could shine some light onto my doubts. I wouldnt be surprised if this project was cancelled, considering I could find anything simmilar with all the searching I have done, but in my head this trailer was really cool and I would love to see it again. Thank you kindly

I’m 17 male and my ex childhood best friend let’s call her Maria she has always been the child everyone loves the one with good grades the one I always looked up too she’s always been like a sister to me one who cared about me like if someone came after me she would beat them up and I would do the same but I thought she was that type of person but as I got older she became worse when we were younger she spread a lie that I killed her hamster when it was her babysitter the hamster cage got knocked over on accident but was vacuumed up by the babysitter not her fault it was an accident but I have ADHD and I was blamed so after that weekend she told everyone all her friends and my friend I could never have friends without her saying that and my reputation at elementary wasn’t great but her saying this made it so much worse I lost friends because of this and I wish that was it but when her fish died and was flushed down the toilet I had to go really bad so I did right after it was gone but she claims I peed on it when I didn’t my mom knew I didn’t but her mom said that I did she always took her side no matter what she did she beat me in the car and I had a bloody nose for touching her stuffy she called it and I had sensory issues so I liked the feel so she punched me in the face and somehow it was my fault as always so she told everyone I was weak and to this day I flinch at the sight of someone raising their hand at me every my mom tried to hug me and I flinch one time she tried to surprise me and I almost hit her on accident all because I always go abuse by her everyone is telling me not to write this but I just can’t hold it anymore I told my mom and counselor about what she did I know so far it doesn’t sound like abuse but it gets so much worse she tried to make me say the N Word with her friends around cause they were in a gang they even had guns on them at her party this was a year ago she’s hanging around horrible people and my mom says she’ll get better but she’s made my life hell since we were children I miss the old her I know she can change but she refuses and she recently got in a car accident and she was alone at the hospital because her so called friends ditched her their because my guess is they had shit on them and now I worry for my aunt cause I over heard she has her friends over her house and they leave stains like puke and beer and Maria sometimes will call the police on her like child support and my aunt will get in trouble all the time and it’s not even her fault I’m scared to even go near her cause I’ve met friends that care about me and I’m worried she will find out and ruin it but I’ve told them everything and they said they have my back even my mom believes me and I’m glad I have this one girl who I have feelings for and she’s my best friend we ran into them at my school concert and I was crying because I don’t want to ruin this cause she’s my everything she helped me get out of a very dark place I’ve had so much trauma in my life I lost my dad when I was 6 a couple weeks after my birthday and my mom survived cancer 2 times when I was in elementary school and I spent a couple weeks at Maria’s house back then she was literally my sister the one who I miss but anyway best friend let’s call her summer she has done everything with me these past couple months she asked if everything was okay and I told her everything and she said she would fight her if needed and I said thank you and recently I found out Maria now has a gun and posted a picture of her with one i don’t know if it’s her but knowing she has one makes me worried about everybody who knows her especially my safety since she’s not worried to punch me or hit me even spreading lies that makes me worry I wish she would get better.
I only posted this on here cause I need to vent and I’m crying because I’m worried about my aunt who has to deal with this and me and my mom’s safety

Oh look, I'm mated. Again. On the first level. Time to try it again. For the fifth time. Gosh, it would be nice to eventually see an upgrade in this twenty-five minute game session...
Have you been here before? If you play any ascension 15 you have. Many times.
Okay, no, this post isn't about just whining. In fact, through all the frustration, I still enjoy and play this game once in a while and I made sure to get a win at Asc15 with every gun before writing this to make sure I had the full picture.
The early game is just too unbalanced to be anything other than a frustrating boring cointoss and there is very limited strategy.
King sniping is impossible - 98% of the time you will take 5 - 8 shots to kill the king and it will be the last piece you kill or close to last. You very quickly learn that trying anything else will get you mated by 7 pieces because pawns promote fast and you are single-shell loading by this point and dealing 1-2 king damage per turn.
You have to steadily remove threats, and, except if you are running the sniper you can't oneshot pieces, so you have to fire high arc shots and pray to soften them up. Sometimes you will literally be mates in under 8 turns because of opening move rng. If you are running the sniper, the fact you can't shoot twice means that move rng can randomly kill you without counterplay much more often too. No salvation there.
More commonly thoufh, you will lose (40 - 60% of all your games) in the mid-to-late game as.a result of the spiralling inefficiency of bad early bullet luck or unlucky piece move synch. You can't try to play conservatively or slow, because even with perfect shots you barely have enough time to contain the pawns to a couple of promotions.
Incidentally, even then an early rook promotion might well lose you the game anyway. Typically you need to land three shots on the rooks even at close range.
All of this mind, annoying and full of rng as it is, is just the first level. What do you get for beating it? Just a spin at another rng wheel.
If you don't get some type of firepower, tempo, or mobility, you can go ahead and resign. You can't attempt to fight an even harder version of floor 1 with Bloodless Coup or Bladeless Bushido. It's not even worth attempting it. Incidentally, the same goes for enemy perks like the Vampire Queen or anything that adds a rook; though rarer, these early also typically are unpickable, making ykur spins worse.
This repeats for F2 to a lesser extent and to an even smaller one for F3.
By F4 on in my experience the game has really opened up, you have the tools to build a strategy and rng is still present but a lot more manageable and integratable. Skill expression actually comes into play and you have toys to work with. The game gets fun.
From F7 and on you are in the zone - you are playing good old Shotgun King, and though it's a really difficult version, it is really fun.
This tremendous balance issue is singlehandedly holding the game back from being one of my favourite roguelikes, and not just because I'm a chess freak. The solution is so simple too. Pace the enemy buffs through the floors. Have them gain them incrementally. Heck, even buff them a bit if you spread them out through the whole thing, but for now, even delaying some to F2-F3 to ket ys get ONE DAMN UPGRADE SCREEN before we die would be immensely helpful.
This is a badly needed solution. Currently ascension 15 is a slog, but the game does so many things right. It'd be a shame not to fix this.
Anyway - at least these are my twk cents.
Cheers all.

First Previous
It would have taken four hours to reach the East Gate flying through the void, but the jumpdrive got them there in just over a minute. It took another minute to speak with the Enterprise and get docking clearance, and a third minute to land inside the Federation flagship. Three minutes. Yvian spent the time watching Federation ships pour into the sector.
The humans were pulling out all the stops. Cruisers and Destroyers swarmed into the sector, forming the core of strike wings ten thousand strong. Frigates acted as escorts, and carriers launched wave after wave of lethal Gladiator class fighters. Klusters were still appearing here and there, but the human ships left them for the Peacekeeper Queens to deal with, too focused on organizing their invasion to bother with stragglers. Three minutes, and over a thousand strike wings were already making their way towards Aldara. A similar number of human ships were spreading out from the other three Gates, eager to scour the Klaath from their home system.
The Random Encounter set down in one of the Enterprise's smaller docking bays. Yvian noticed it was the only bay that was empty. A trio of gladiators floated nearby, no doubt evicted to make room for Mims' ship. The moment the Encounter set down, Mims repressurized the ship. Then he stood and walked briskly off the bridge.
Yvian and the rest of the crew followed. She thought they'd go straight to the cargo bay, but the Captain had them stop at the armory first. He handed out BR24 Plasma Rifles and Nanoblade Katanas without a word. Then they all marched down to the bay.
Mims activated the door control. The cargo bay door raised. The ramp lowered. The Enterprise's docking bay came into view. A large door leading into the flagship had just finished opening, and a frightening number of armored humans were flooding into the docking bay, weapons drawn. Yvian put a hand on her rifle, but stopped short of drawing it. Captain Mims walked casually up to the ramp, looking down at the other humans with his hands clasped behind his back.
The humans took up positions all around the Encounter. Yvian tried to count them all, but gave up and estimated there were about a hundred of them. After nearly a minute of running around with their guns out, the soldiers formed up in neat lines, rifles held diagonally across their chests. They formed a corridor between the Encounter and the docking bay door.
Three more figures entered the bay. A tall man, a short man, and a woman of medium height. Like the other soldiers, these three wore white armor, and the visors of their helmets were gold. Like the other soldiers, these three were armed with plasma rifles, blaster pistols, and swords that looked an awful lot like the one Mims had given to Yvian. Unlike the other soldiers, these three kept their weapons in their sheaths.
The three came to the bottom of the Encounter's ramp. They stopped. The tall man in the middle spoke with a booming voice. "Permission to board, Mims?" It was the High Commander.
"You know you don't need an escort," Mims boomed back. "If we were planning to kill you we wouldn't have docked at all."
"They're not here for me," General Young explained. "They're here to keep any wayward personnel from getting wild ideas. Aldara remembers, Mims."
"Yeah. I guess it does." Yvian could hear the Captain's grimace. "Permission granted."
High Commander Young turned to the man on his left. The man's body went rigid as he snapped a salute. General Young stood straight and stiff as he returned it. The man stepped away. General Young and the woman on his right both took out their rifles, handing them over to a pair of soldiers. They did the same with their swords. General Young looked up at Mims. "Mind if we keep our sidearms?"
Mims called back, "Doesn't matter."
The General gave a gracious nod and climbed the ramp. The woman followed, staying to his right and half a step behind. Mims went back to the control panel as they boarded. The Encounter's ramp retracted. The cargo bay door sealed shut.
The High Commander removed his helmet. He looked much as Yvian remembered. His skin was a deep, dark brown. His head was shaved and smooth and shiny. He had the complexion of a young man, but his eyes were grim and his expression could have been carved from stone. Yvian was sure he was old. As old as the Captain, if not older. Most likely he'd undergone rejuvenation in an Oluken med-pod just like Mims.
The woman took her helmet off as well. Blonde hair and sharp cheekbones. Eyes that reminded Yvian of green grass on a summer day. Expressive lips set in a serious expression. And curves Yvian was trying hard not to notice. Yvian remembered this woman. "Hamilton?"
The woman blinked, then smiled. "I'm surprised you remember."
A grin forced its way past Yvian's desire to appear professional. "How could I forget?"
Mims ignored the exchange, turning to the High Commander. "Before anything else, I need to hear you say it again."
"Say what again?" The High Commander asked.
"That you had nothing to do with it."
General Young frowned, but nodded. "Neither I nor any of my people set off the device that called the Klaath. I didn't know we had such a thing at the time."
Mims kept his gaze focused on the man. "Kilroy?"
"The meatbag is not lying," said the machine.
The High Commander glanced at the Peacekeeper unit. His eyes widened, then narrowed.
"Fair enough. Second question." Mims kept his eyes on the General. "When did we get our hands on that tech? Was it at Aldara?" His tone was businesslike, but there was an intensity he couldn't keep off his face. "The first time?"
General Young held the Captain's gaze for a pregnant moment. Then he shook his head. "I don't know."
The Captain went deathly quiet. "You don't know."
"I don't know." The High Commander spoke firmly. "And if I can't find out, no one can." He folded his arms. "There's no record of when that technology was invented. I know it's ours. We found another device. But someone went through a lot of trouble to make sure we'd never find out where it came from."
Mims composed himself. "I see."
"No you don't," said the General. "I tried to find some people to ask about it. People that might know what kind of science was being done in Aldara when it all went down. Do you know what I found? A trail of bodies." A hint of fury flashed across his face. "Three research stations, all at Aldara, with no record of what they were studying. And every single person that was on those stations died. All of them. All within five years of the incident." His jaw clenched. "That tells me something all by itself, but there's no records and no proof. We'll never know for sure."
Mims stared at the man a moment longer, then nodded slowly. He turned to Kilroy. "Where are we at with Klaath?"
"The Vrrl Starfang Empire is defending Tendril Sector," said the Peacekeeper. "This unit calculates they will be sufficient. This unit calculates the meatbags will be sufficient in this sector, as well. Peacekeeper Unit Admiral Ender Zhukov states it is unable to calculate the outcome in New Pixa Sector. Peacekeeper Unit Admiral Ender Zhukov also states there is nothing this ship can do to affect that outcome at this time."
"New Pixa's under attack?" asked the General.
"We think they're after the Queens," Mims explained. He tilted his head slightly, coming to a decision. "You want a beer?"
General Young blinked. "You have beer?"
Everyone moved to the kitchen. Mims dug some beers out of the fridge. He handed one to Lissa and one to General Young, keeping the third for himself. Yvian followed his fine example, grabbing a bottle for herself and one for the General's Assistant. Hamilton opened her mouth to protest, then closed it, frowning at the beer in her hand.
"It's alright Hamilton," the High Commander told her. "Soldiers don't drink on duty, but we're not soldiers right now. We're diplomats, and diplomats drink." He twisted the cap off of his bottle. "You can consider it an order if it makes you feel better."
"Yes sir." Hamilton popped her beer open and took a sip. She gave the bottle a considering look, and then took a much longer swig.
"That's good beer," said the High Commander.
"The most popular drink in the Technocracy," Yvian said proudly.
"Haven't had one in a while," the General confided. "I got the entire human race crammed ass to elbow in every station we could move, and we're missing about two planets worth of food production. We can't afford to spend resources on luxuries like booze."
Yvian eyed the two of them. Had the High Commander lost weight? She couldn't tell. He'd been a mass of muscle when she met the man, and he still was. She started to size up Hamilton, but quickly changed her mind. She was dangerously close to ogling the woman as it was.
Still, if they couldn't get beer, it was likely the humans had been forced to eat whatever could be grown in bulk on the quick. Crunch, they might have been living on protein paste. Yvian's taste buds cried out in sympathy. The thought of that poor, beautiful woman suffering like that...
"Mims?" Yvian asked. "Is there any way we could make breakfast?"
The Captain's eyes flicked from Yvian to Hamilton and back. He looked down at his wrist console. "Might as well. It's technically morning, I guess." He stood, heading for the fridge.
"You want some help?" General Young offered.
"Sure," said Mims. "You can dice the potatoes."
"I suppose I'll eat as well," Scarrend rumbled. He went to the corner of the kitchen, where his personal larder had been set up. He pulled out a leg.
"Uh, Scarrend?" Lissa spoke up. "Maybe you should have fish for breakfast."
"Hmm?" The Vrrl rumbled. Then he caught her look. He put the leg back and pulled out a salmon.
"Was that a human leg?" Hamilton asked. She looked concerned.
"Yes," said Scarrend.
"Don't worry," Yvian reassured her. "It's Mims' leg. We cloned it."
"...Why?"
"It turns out the Vrrl don't eat people just for fun," Lissa explained. "If they go too long without eating sapient flesh they'll lose their minds. Go feral." She grimaced. "It's not pretty, and it's not reversible."
"What?" Hamilton's frown deepened. "How does that work? Some kind of enzyme deficiency?"
"It's psychosomatic," Lissa told her, "but it's hardwired into their DNA. Just like their worship of the Varma."
"That," the High Commander stopped cutting potatoes as he spoke, "is deeply fucked up."
"We are as the gods have made us," Scarrend said simply.
Lissa engaged Hamilton in small talk while the men cooked. Yvian joined in where she could, but she'd never been good at talking to new people. Especially pretty ones. Mims and the General worked in companionable silence, aside from a single exchange.
"I didn't know you cooked," the General had remarked.
"Someone has to," Mims had replied. "The girls baked me a cake once. I thought they were trying to kill me."
"That was one time," Lissa had protested.
Breakfast was simple but plentiful. Bacon and eggs. Pancakes and fried potatoes. Yvian and Lissa got more beer. The humans drank orange juice or milk. By unspoken agreement, conversation was abandoned as everyone ate. Yvian had thought the Captain cooked more than they needed, but after General Young and Hamilton each helped themselves to a third plateful she wondered if he'd made enough.
"Oh my god," Hamilton leaned back after swallowing one last bit of pancake. "I forgot how good it can be to eat real food."
"That was a real kindness," the High Commander agreed. He smiled at the pixens. "Good to see you girls haven't changed."
"It's good to see you, Bart," said Lissa. She smiled back.
Mims offered more beer. Hamilton declined, but the General accepted. Lissa took one, too. The Captain sat down, frowned, then got up to get another bottle for himself. "Alright. I guess we should get down to business."
"I guess we should," General Young agreed. "It's been a hell of a year, hasn't it?"
"I've had worse," said the Captain. "But not many."
"Tell me about it." The High Commander grimaced. "I thought last year was bad, what with the Vore and the Xill, but last year's got nothing on this. Most of the government got assassinated, half our stations got shot up, and then humanity's greatest enemies all formed a coalition and came after us." He swigged his beer. "Now my whole fucking species is hiding out with a bunch of pacifist squid people."
"Yeah, how are the Taa'Oor?" Lissa took a drink of her own. "I don't know much about them."
"They're sweethearts," said the General. "Weird, but sweet. Kinda hard to talk to, though. They communicate by changing the color of splotches on their bodies, and each one uses different patterns. It's like you have to learn a new language for each individual, and it's played hell with our translators."
"The Taa'Oor have been very helpful," Hamilton added. "They seem really happy to be dealing with us instead of the Oluken."
"I don't blame them," said Lissa.
"I should probably feel bad for dragging them into this," General Young admitted, "but we didn't have much of a choice. Between the Vrrl and those goddamned Klaath Queenships we can't win a straight up fight." He gestured with his bottle. "How the hell did you find a way to control those things, anyway? The Klaath fuse their ships to their nervous systems. I didn't think anyone else could use them."
"Xill technology," Lissa told him. "An artificial nervous system linked to a Peacekeeper unit."
The General grunted. "Anyway, moving to Wet Sector took us from certain defeat to a stalemate. We don't got the forces to take New Pixa, but you can't get to us, either. You try and we'll just cut the Gate. The Taa'Oor won't even mind." He shrugged a shoulder. "They'd rather live simple on their homeworld, anyway."
"Stalemate might be a bit optimistic," Mims told him. "You've lost both your planets, and you've got more people then you've got space for, let alone food. You can't keep hiding much longer."
"We can," the High Commander disagreed, "but I don't want to. This war's cost us too many people already. I don't want starvation to add to the toll."
"Surrender then," Mims suggested. "Take the ceasefire. We didn't want a war in the first place."
"This unit did," Kilroy objected.
"And the Empire as well," said Scarrend. "But we're willing to consider your surrender. If we kill you all now, there will be no humans to hunt later."
The General gave Scarrend a considering look. "Are you able to speak for the Vrrl?" he asked. "Negotiate on their behalf?"
"No," said Scarrend. "A negotiation will require all three Warmasters, and the proposal will have to be approved by the Emperor."
"Damn." The High Commander took another drink. "I was hoping we could get this done today."
"We can still lay the groundwork," said Lissa. "You've got our initial proposal."
"A proposal we can't accept," said the General. "We already lost Dorado to the Vore. I can't give up another planet."
"You've already given up your planets," Scarrend pointed out. "The ceasefire would let you get one of them back."
"Can't do it," General Young repeated.
"We know you don't really expect us to give up Aldara," Hamilton cut in. "You're starting high so we'll have to bargain you back down."
"No," said Scarrend. "We're telling you the price of survival."
"Uh... Scarrend?" Yvian interrupted. "Hamilton's right. We weren't going to take Aldara."
"Yvian!" Lissa snapped at her.
"What?" Yvian met her sister's outraged eyes. "That's what you said, isn't it?"
"Yeah." Lissa let out an exasperated breath. "But you're not supposed to tell them that."
"It doesn't matter," Mims decided. "We can't do peace talks until the Warmasters are available, anyway." He leaned forward. "We've got something more important to talk about."
The High Commander eyed the Captain, then set his beer down. He gave a single, grave nod. "Reba."
"A ceasefire won't mean shit," said Mims, "as long as she's running the Federation."
"There isn't a Federation," the General told him. "Not anymore. It died two months ago, when some asshole overthrew the government in a Military coup."
"There was no choice, sir," Hamilton reassured him. "The selection process was compromised."
"All the candidates were in Reba's pocket," the General explained.
"And you're not," Mims guessed.
"If you heard the orders President Boyd tried to give..." He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. It's done." He picked his beer back up. "The worst part wasn't the war, you know. Wasn't even that we're losing. The worst part was finding out humanity's been manipulated by a goddamned computer program for six hundred years. A program," he added, "that doesn't care about keeping us alive anymore."
"Does that mean you kicked her out?" Yvian asked.
"We did a lot more than that," said the High Commander. "Pulling everyone to Wet Sector wasn't just a way to keep you from conquering us sector by sector. Reba was in control of the Nexus. I had to get everyone in one place, where we could communicate without Nodes. And I needed to get my hands on every ship, station, and computer capable of holding a Synthetic Intelligence."
"The Connor Protocol," Mims breathed. "You actually did it?"
"What's the Connor Protocol?" asked Lissa.
"A failsafe invented after the Singularity War," General Young explained. "A plan. You already know we don't allow remote controlled anything. Even our beam towers are manned. But there's all kinds of shit an SI can do without direct control, and they can download themselves into anything with enough processing power. If an SI like Reba infiltrates the Nexus, there's only one thing we can do."
"Shut down the Nexus completely," Hamilton elaborated, "and scour every single computer one by one."
"Then we had to search our planets for hidden servers along with every asteroid we could get to," the General continued. "That's what my people were doing on Terra Nova when you showed up." He grimaced. "I thought we got her until she set off those Klaath beacons."
"You couldn't have got her anyway," Yvian told him. "She's in Xill space, trying to take them over."
The General stared at Yvian, then swore. "If she takes over the Xill we're all fucked."
"We know," said Mims. "Exodus is trying to stop her."
"Never thought I'd see the day I rooted for Exodus the Genocide." The High Commander shook his head. "Does he think he can do it?"
"No," Mims admitted. "I think he's just buying time."
The General swore again.
"Do you have a plan?" Hamilton asked. "In case she comes after you with the Xill?"
"We're working on it," said Mims.
"So no, then," the General's rigid posture slumped. For just a moment, he looked very, very tired. "I need a vacation."
"It will be alright, sir," said Hamilton. "We'll find a way."
"Of course we will." The General pulled himself back together. "I'm just a little tired is all." He drained the last of his beer. "I'm a Military man. I never signed up to run a country or..." He gestured with the empty bottle. "all of this."
"Welcome to my world," said Mims.
The High Commander grunted.
"So..." Yvian frowned. A thought that had been niggling her for most of the conversation finally climbed to the surface. "I guess this means you're not getting Blingy."
"Blingy?" The General raised an eyebrow.
"The Lucendian ship we gave to the Xill," Lissa explained. "After Myrsa defected, we assumed you'd use her to get it."
"We figured Reba would hand you the ship," Mims added. "We didn't know you started the Connor Protocol."
"I don't think Reba's gonna be handing us much of anything," said the General. His brows furrowed. "Why'd you want us to get our hands on a Lucendian ship?"
"So we could take it from you," said Kilroy.
General Young grunted. "Figures."
"Wait." Hamilton frowned. "If you thought... Why take her back?"
Mims glanced sharply at the General's Assistant. "What?"
"Why take her back?" Hamilton repeated. "Why recapture Myrsa if you thought she's doing what you wanted?"
"We didn't," said Mims.
"Someone did," the High Commander told him. "Someone who doesn't show up on sensors. Someone who slaughtered their way to Station Control in under a minute." He fixed a grim eye on Kilroy. "It was Peacekeeper work. I'm sure of it."
"Negative," said Kilroy. "All Peacekeeper units are accounted for. No Peacekeeper units have entered Wet Sector."
"No one else could have done it," the General insisted. "We were sure it was you."
"Negative," the Peacekeeper denied again.
"It wasn't us." Mims agreed.
"Then who?" The General asked. "Because it wasn't anybody human."
The Captain's eyes narrowed. Then they went wide. "When did this happen?"
"About an hour after the Klaath showed up," said the General.
"Kilroy." Mims stood, pulling out his helmet. "How long would it take to get us to Hub 14? "
"Six hours," said the Peacekeeper unit, "forty seven minutes."
"Sorry, General." Mims donned his helmet. "But we're gonna have to cut this short."
"It's a set up." The High Commander stood. "Isn't it?"
"Don't know yet," said the Captain. "But better safe than sorry."

Handmade rugs, rich in texture and culture, are among the most celebrated artifacts in home decor.
Crafted by skillful weavers who have practiced this tradition for centuries, these rugs offer a glimpse into the enchanting world of artisanal craftsmanship.
In this article, we delve into the distinctive features of handmade rugs and why they continue to grace homes worldwide.
Craftsmanship and Techniques
Handmade rug-making is an exceptionally laborious process that requires high levels of skill and precision. Artisans employ various traditional techniques, such as hand-knotting, hand-tufting, and flat weaving, to create beautiful and durable rugs.
Each method has unique characteristics that influence the texture, thickness, and design of the rug.

1. Hand-Knotted Rugs:

Considered the epitome of rug craftsmanship, hand-knotted rugs involve tying tiny knots in a foundation of pile.
This process can take anywhere from a few months to many years, depending on the size and intricacy of the design. Knots per square inch (KPSI) is a crucial quality determinant in these rugs.

1. Hand-Tufted Rugs:
   Created faster than hand-knotted rugs, hand-tufted rugs are made using a tufting gun that inserts yarn into a canvas.
   

While less labor-intensive, these rugs still exhibit significant craftsmanship and offer a variety of designs.

1. Flat-Weave Rugs:

These rugs are woven by interlacing warp and weft threads, resulting in a flat, reversible texture.
Popular flat-weave rugs include Kilims and Dhurries, known for their vibrant patterns and lightweight nature.
Cultural Significance
Handmade rugs are not just decorative pieces; they reflect the culture and history of their origins. Each rug tells a story through its patterns and motifs.
For example, Persian rugs often feature dense floral patterns symbolizing paradise, while Turkish rugs showcase geometric shapes representing fertility and protection.
Regions renowned for their rug-making traditions include:
Persia (Iran):
Persian rugs are known for their fine, detailed work and are considered exquisite art pieces.
Turkey:
Turkish rugs are distinguished by their bold patterns and vibrant colors.
Afghanistan:
Afghan rugs typically feature tribal designs and earthy tones, reflecting the nomadic life of their weavers.
India:
Indian carpets, especially those from Kashmir, are celebrated for their fine wool and intricate embroidery.
Why Buy a Handmade Rug?
Handmade rugs are not only beautiful decor pieces but also valuable investments. Here are some compelling reasons to add one to your collection:

1. Durability:

With proper care, finely made handmade rugs can last for decades, centuries, or even longer.

1. Unique Designs:
   Every handmade rug is a unique work of art, ensuring no two pieces are exactly alike.
   
2. Cultural Heritage:
   

Owning a handmade rug means possessing a piece of history and culture, with designs passed down through generations.

1. Sustainability:

Handmade rugs are crafted with natural materials and traditional methods, making them more environmentally friendly than machine-made alternatives.
Handmade rugs are timeless treasures that add warmth, beauty, and a touch of history to any home. By appreciating the craftsmanship and cultural significance of these unique rugs, we help preserve these traditional arts for future generations. A handmade rug is a significant investment that adds value and meaning to your home.
Share your thoughts and experiences or ask questions about handmade rugs in the comments below.

rug #aboutrugs

So in the recent 20th anniversary Side Stories episode of the Killdozer, Henry and Eddie talked about Contact in the Desert and described a guy who made a replica model of the Twin Towers out of flash paper and made a laser gun that took minutes to set it alight. They didn’t name him, but I definitely found him: https://www.instagram.com/sedonaufotourguide?igsh=amZoMThxdmh3N25m Here’s the page for his presentation: https://contactinthedesert.com/lectures/americas-false-flag-what-really-happened/
First few lines hilariously read, “knowing is beLIEving.” Just thought I’d share for your amusement. I’m not encouraging anyone interact with him or anything like that, but it’s good to know what the cranks are thinking.

Steven tightly gripped the Post-It note in his hand, half crumpling it. His knuckles ached from the hole he just put through his wall. It wasn't possible!
___________
It had all started a few weeks ago. Strangely, he found a Post-It note on his door one morning: "Don't forget to pick up cereal!".
He must have had more to drink then he thought. He didn't even like cereal all that much.
But then the notes became more common.
"Tape Game! 5:30 pm!" He hadn't owned a VHS player in over a decade.
"Pick up bicycle from shop!" His bike was sitting on his porch locked up.
"Don't forget to feed the dog!" He didn't even own a dog.
At first, it was just... interesting. Maybe he was sleepwalking. The notes LOOKED like his handwriting? Though, maybe not? He wasn't as much concerned as he was confused. Maybe this was some prank? His parents had an emergency key but they weren't the type to play pranks. Or travel across the country to do so.
Things changed when he opened his cabinet to grab a plate last weekend and saw "We're watching you." in a hasty scribble.
Whatever this was, it wasn't funny. All his friends and family seemed genuinely confused though. A few even seemed concerned about his well-being. But maybe they were lying.
He had his landlord change the locks. But yet again, there was a note the next day in his medicine cabinet: "We're inside your walls."
Fuck this. He bought a machete. He wasn't comfortable with a gun, but at least he could defend himself.
Yet changing his locks himself made no difference. "We will see you soon." He stopped going out and kept his front door barricaded. It had to be the landlord. Maybe they wanted him out to raise the rent on the next poor sap. He'd heard of that before.
He tried to staying up to catch them at it. But no one came. Then, he found the note under his pillow.
"We're inside you." in the worst chicken scratch scrawl, barely discernible. As if the writer etched it into the paper with an inked dagger.
He couldn't do it anymore. It was driving him mad. He'd show them. Stop them from getting him. He'd-!
_____________
May 25th 4:36 am - Reports from 1275 Southbend Ave, Apt 124A of a disturbance in the above apartment. Reports of a violent argument, screams, and crashes. Officer dispatched for wellness check.
5:42 am - Officer arrived and knocked on door. No response from Apt 224. Officer contacted landlord to retrieve master key for entry. Backup issued.
6:37 am - Officers broke down door and entered the abode. Victim found in kitchen. Body was eviscerated. Innards removed. CSI dispatched.
8:22 am - Bloody machete found in bedroom. Victim likely crawled from bedroom to kitchen after stab wound. Cause of death - blood loss likely.
8:46 am - High levels of carbon monoxide found in the apartment. No foul play suspected.

After insulting Captain Quinn and throwing a drink in his face out of jealousy, Barry is challenged to a duel which we later learn was staged in order to get rid of Barry by making him flee the authorities. It’s safe to assume that Quinn knew Barry’s gun had blanks, isn’t it? But in the moments up to the duel, Quinn is noticeably nervous/scared. His hands appear to be shaking, as if he is afraid that he is about to die. What’s that about?
This is my second viewing but it’s been so long that I don’t remember almost any of it. If this will be made more clear later in the movie then I’ll just wait.

My life has fallen apart. I used to have a huge family but my horribly toxic and narcissistic mother and sister have turned my whole family against me. They kicked me out and left me homeless. They have made my whole family believe that I’m just like my dad, who abused and raped me from the time I was a baby until I was 14. They refuse to let me get the rest of my belongings from the house. The only person that believes me is my boyfriend. My boyfriend and our friend is helping me move into my apartment tomorrow and I can’t cancel or else they will be suspicious. But I plan to kill myself on Friday after work. I have the gun and I wrote my notes. I can’t feel like this anymore. I’m so tired.

If you are selling then it will only sell up to the amount of the local deficit.
If you have too much Fuel/Crew/Cargo then Ctrl + Left Click will transfer the excess.
Some other things that have made my life easier.
Hold Alt = Anything the mouse sweeps over gets moved into/from your cargo. Lets you quickly transfer a lot of individual items (say, all the guns you find after a battle) while still being able to manually filter out what you don't want (metal, 12,000 organics, etc)
Hold Shift + Click and Drag on a commodity to bring up a slider that lets you quickly decide how much to pick up.
F11 = Turn off the HUD completely. I mention this one last because it doesn't actually help you do anything better. But try it when you're traveling to a distant star for a survey/analyze mission. It really helps to remind the player that while we are sending our dot to other dots that there is space between the dots. Vast and wild through which we are blown like a mote of dust.