It sucks to see how some people are , i had a friend who i cared very much about she was like a little sister to me , ya know picking on her, making fun of her, punching each other without context, ya know that kind of fun chaotic friendship. Sadly her boyfriend is controlling in a way she doesn't quite see it, he doesn't like her having guy friends all that shit. I warned her that relationship like that are quite unhealthy in the long run even tho it's fine for now. She pretty much shrugged it off. She told me in the past that her boyfriend made her delete friends because he didn't like them or was jealous and she didn't wanted that to happen between us , i know sometimes she stream the game to him, almost like he's watching her move making sure she doesn't do anything bad. Anyway, a few days ago i got hired at pretty much my dream job! And of course i get excited telling all my friends about it! I wanted to tell her and how i wasn't gonna be on as much! Invited her 3 times in the span of maybe 15 minutes? (ldk if it counts as spamming tbh since most people spammed me with 5 invites in like a minute) cause i was so excited to tell her! And got the Notification on VRCx that she unfriended me. I'm not mad or sad just extremely dissapointed that this friendship had to end most likely because of a boyfriend who can't control his own emotions. It's sad to see the state of some people on this game, almost feel like anyone i meet now are either "broken" or in a shitty situation.Who knows maybe she'll see this and her boyfriend know i meant them no harm. Still sucks people are like that tbh.

Hii! My name is Sophia and I’m a 16 year old girl looking to exchange stylish letters/small packages with a penpal :D I also don’t mind just sending messages to each other here on Reddit, or a different platform you may be comfortable with!
Let’s set one thing straight… I am extremely lonely! I haven’t had a real connection or conversation with anyone for a long time and I’m need of someone to talk to! I don’t mind any conversation, wether it’s deep and personal or if it’s just something about your day. We can talk about anything!! I have a great personality and just looking for a real human connection.
I’ve been homeschooled for a long time, since the past 8 years! So I’m not very social, and I have zero friends, and I mean that literally 😅 Unless you count my journal as one! But just because I don’t have friends, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to make a great conversation 😉 I have so much to talk about, our conversations could go on for a long time with white I have stored in here 🧠
I’m not very focused on school, I just do the assigned work and go to classes and that’s it, nothing extra! It’s just really hard for me to focus on it, I don’t feel happy doing it and doesn’t have anything to do with what my future career is going to be 🎤 Being a singesongwriter is my goal for the future, and yes to most people it probably sounds silly and think it’s not possible, but if it was then would be have any musicians today? I like to think that almost anything is possible!! 🌟💭 I honestly can’t say if I’m good or bad. I’ve been singing almost non stop for the past six years. Of course there are some things I need to improve on though. The thing is.. I’ve never sang in front of anyone before! Not even my own parents. I sing in front of my brother, but he’s really young so he can’t criticize me 😣
I love watching shows and movies! My favorite genres are romance and comedy the most but I like others too. I also watch crime/investigation shows, it’s always interesting and I have so many recommendations! I have been watching many different shows for the past couple of weeks, it’s very entertaining. I’m always open to recommendations as I usually stick to watching the same things in rotation…which can get boring 😓 My favorite show (anime), is One Piece!! If you don’t like One Piece, then I’m not sure I can talk to you… just kidding 😂 It’s something my entire family likes watching together, we’re currently starting the Whole Cake Island Arc! No spoilers please, I’ve already seen too many 😭
I like drawing, coloring, doodling. I have a journal that I like to decorate with stickers and cute little designs, which is what I plan to do in our letters!! I’m not the best, but I’m not the worst either 😄📝
I have an “online business.” I sell here on Reddit and other platforms as well. I sell miniature toys and have been doing so for over a year. I make a decent amount of money from it! 🤑😅
I love cats, flowers/plants/nature 💐, both my parents are amazing cooks so it’s hard to choose a favorite dish 😬, one of my favorite colors is blue, and I can describe what I look like in a private chat if you’re interested in knowing!
I’m very serious about skincare, I had really horrible acne and after all these years I’ve finally been able to clear it up completely 🤩 My skin has never been more radiant :D Still needs work in some places though, I am always open to hearing what you think are the best products, or products that you’ve used that you feel are amazing! Im half Korean, and have always wanted to try Korean/Japanese skincare products. Im not very big on makeup, I don’t wear any. I’m working on showing my natural beauty, and also because I don’t want my skin to break out 😅 I like wearing lipgloss and that’s about it :o
I’ve been through some really dark times and I’ve found the easiest way to let your feelings out is by writing it out in a journal, which is what I’ve been doing recently! My young brain is still growing so it’s hard to process what I see and hear sometimes, and I talk inside my head a lot to try and process it, but the best way to make sense of it all is by writing out what you really feel ❤️‍🩹 But, just know that even if you may be going through something terrible, that it will eventually come to an end, because life is not that cruel and has to balance negative and positive. It’s what I’ve learned and seen, that’s why we have so many emotions because we can’t just be happy all the time, and life can’t just give you happy moments every day, sometimes you need sad/bad days in order to appreciate the good ones! I realized that the past few years I haven’t done anything productive or tried to make myself feel better. But that’s changing! I’ve starting exercising, journaling, upgraded skincare routine, eating healthier and more nutritious hearty foods, and hoping to keep it up! Remember to love yourself and don’t neglect your body, and always take care of yourself 😙 And hopefully once we start chatting, you’ll feel comfortable sharing any dark times you’ve been through!
I’m looking for a penpal from anywhere, male or female!! And hopefully also around my age (16-25), but age doesn’t really matter to me, it’s just a number after all! 💌 We can send letters, chat here on Reddit (or somewhere else if you’d like) or little packages with things each of us like ours letters inside! I’ll be sure to design the letters in an aesthetic you like ✨ I really just want to talk about anything and everything, whatever we want!! Hopefully it can turn into a long lasting friendship 💝
Message me if you’re interested in becoming my penpal! There’s still so much you haven’t learned about me yet <3

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.

OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.

 
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.

OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.

thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything

OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.

detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?

OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.

 
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?

OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.

Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Genuinely I was concerned about Chloe the whole time. From the moment I picked her up she seemed like she was annoyed and didn’t really want to be there. I knew she was tired and needed food, she gets visibly hangry. When we went out later that night, I could feel her being closed off not really engaging with us. She is recently sober again but the plan was always to go out. My other friend Lia who came to visit and I would have some drinks and I would introduce them to friends I’ve made in town saying goodbye to them. I understood that may have been triggering and hard for her. So I didn’t push her to be energetic and gave her space to feel her feelings. By the time we went to see my bf at his work she was checking her boyfriend’s location and saying she felt like he was lying to her about what he was doing. He didn’t answer her call so I figured that would be a thing for the rest of the night as she doesn’t let things go like that. I thought she was worrying about him since that’s the only thing she mentioned. I wanted to distract her from that, get her to dance, and asked my local friend Izzy to help me get her out of her head. I was asking Lia how she was cause she was hardly engaging with me. Lia said she’s okay there’s just a lot going on. I knew she wasn’t having a fantastic time but I thought she was trying to or would tell me she’s not. I thought she was out on the phone with her bf when I didn’t see her. I wish she would’ve used her words to tell me how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave I would’ve said of course. I was anxious since the moment she asked for my keys. I was like what for? She said she just wanted to sit in my car. I tried to ask her what was going on but she was already on the way out. Again I assumed it was her mood in general and her bf cause never said anything else to me. She was mad at me for doing something I didn’t know she thought I was doing. She is a grown woman who can advocate for herself and what she needs. She was mad at me for not focusing on her. She can tell me what’s bothering her. We were supposed to be celebrating a huge accomplishment in my life and it feels like she made herself the center of attention. I may have been a little selfish to want to enjoy our time and try to distract Chloe from what was bothering her instead of confronting her. But she didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.

Hi guys! INFJ female here. I didn't get into MBTI until about 2 years ago. I've met a lot of ppl in my life, but I'm having trouble thinking back to meeting/knowing any ENFPs. I can only think of 1 possible person who may have been ENFP. I never asked him his type because I didn't know about MBTI at the time. We used to work together and we got along VERY well. He was much more outgoing and friendly than I was, but he was never rly hyper like the stereotype for ENFPs. He was always pretty calm and chill. We talked a lot about deep topics. He would ask me a lot of questions about how I felt about certain topics. He told me about his girl troubles and I told him about my guy troubles. I'll never forget the day he told me that I was his favorite co-worker. I was shocked because he got along so well with everyone we worked with. I didn't think I was his favorite. He later told me that he would marry me if it weren't for the fact that he didn't find me physically attractive (lol and ouch!). We never hung out outside of work or anything. We only saw each other at work. After he left the job, we didn't keep in touch, which was sad. He's now married and has a child. I'm very happy for him. Anyway, I've heard of the elusive INFJ-ENFP dynamic. This friendship/relationship is the closest I can think of that I've experienced. Does this guy sound like an ENFP? Or am I totally off base here? Furthermore, for future reference, what are some signs I can look for to tell if someone is an ENFP? I feel like it's so hard to find you guys for some reason. Most of my friends are Introverts haha Thanks so much in advance!!

Hello. My 10 year old son is super kind, big heart, super smart,(he’s in the gifted and talented program at school) plays football (not the star of the team but he does pretty good) and loves Fortnite etc. he’s also an only child Incase that helps. He started out this year with one good buddy in class but that kid has totally flipped on him and is now a bully to him and like seeks out ways to hurt his feelings, it’s very odd. at school especially this year he’s been pretty sad about being purposely left out of groups, no one picking him as a partner, kids just straight up being mean (saying rude comments) and one kid even punched him in the back. How can I help him? I tell him to go find the nice kids and stop putting his energy into these kids that keep rejecting him. They are mean at school and on Fortnite (so he has them all blocked on Fortnite now). Today in class before bell rang he walked up to 2 boys and wanted to join in on the 4 person iPad game and they said no these other kids r going to play (they weren’t even at school yet) so just completely disregarded him 😢 things like this happen a lot. I want to help in anyway I can. He’s a 4th grader and next year they go off to a new school where all the nearby elementary schools are combined. I think a fresh start will be good because I’m hoping for some more kids like him but I know there will also be more of the bad and bullies. I’m thinking of reaching out to the nice kids parents and maybe setting up some “hang outs” where he can build better friendships with kids that are nice? Only 3 weeks left of school. I just know his confidence is not where it should be and I’m really trying to build it so when he comes across these kids they don’t affect him so much. Thank you for any feedback!!! This mama is just stressing and heartbroken.

So typical you might think! Yes, but i just wanted to get it out, and if you have an opinion that’s awesome.
I never liked a friend before, im 23F and two years ago I left my country for 3 months to work in a ski resort in the united states. There i met some amazing people, loved my job loved my coworkers, at the end of the season i started talking to this guy at work that always showed himself as shy so we never got to talk too much before, I discovered he was super nice and funny (really important) started to get along and hang out outside work with my other two friends, we would party at his house and stuff and then we all left because we were all mostly foreign, except from him.
After that experience I wanted to go back for the next season as I really enjoyed my stay there and all the amazing people I met and experiences I had. I was also excited to see this guy again as I knew he was also coming back, but none of my other friends were. At that point I realized I liked him but I wanted to think of him as a friend. We have so similar taste in music which is a big thing for me because i love and connect through music, i get really excited when someone else likes the same as I, and we also had the same sense of humor which was really cool.
When I went back for the other season we started hanging out way more often, I would go to his apartment all the time, we would do everything together even go to the supermarket which is really simple, but I enjoyed his company a lot. Often we would stay until late just talking. Everyone started noticing and thought we were together which started me wondering. He is a great guy, he’s the type of guy that has difficulties talking to girls, he would never try anything romantic by his initiative, he’s not disrespectful or a guy that’s always into girls and basically simp, not at all. He’s really funny and nice, he trust few people and keeps a small circle. At work we connected a lot with each other, every time something fun happened we would look at each other and smile or laugh, or would go to tell the other that something happened with a smile on our faces and laugh about it. I loved my other co workers but he was the only one i shared this complicity with. We would start making plans with other people but ending up alone somehow. He always remembers stupid things that I told him long ago and makes jokes about it in a smart way, which drives me crazy. He opened up to me with lots of things about himself, we noticed we have a lot in common. The thing is, we did a lot of things together, connected and he was always there to help me, specially because i broke my leg so he would always pick me up and help me get up and down my stairs and stuff. I remember he once mentioned that a girl friend of his tried to tell him that she liked him and he didn’t felt the same and thought that was annoying when a friend falls for you and stuff, which made me feel insecure because I do like him and he is my friend, but i don’t know if he does like me.
I ended up really confused. I don’t know if what we had was just a really good friendship or if he had feelings for me too. Once i went to a party and saw his roommates, he wasn’t there cause he is not a party guy, but they basically told me to tell him to come, that if i told him to come he would do it, which also got me overthinking.
I don’t know, he was never clear with intentions, or i was too confused, he didn’t had that relationship with no one else there, he didn’t treat the others the same way, but still, there were some times when he had opportunities to get closer to me and he didn’t.
Now i’m already in my country and i miss him like hell. Even tho he was a great friend we don’t text too often, cause he doesn’t text too much. Every little conversation we had on text I started it, he seems to answer friendly but he doesn’t talks to me by his initiative . Recently it was his birthday, i texted him told him i missed him, nothing too crazy, and he never responded me, which ended up breaking my heart and making me feel super bad. He did responded to the work gc when others texted there later in the day.
That’s basically it but compressed. I don’t have the guts to tell him anything and i don’t want to ruin anything or make it uncomfortable. It just makes me really sad because i think we get along really well we’re really alike, have similar thoughts, similar taste, i think we’re compatible and he’s the kind of guy you don’t find everywhere, so it’s been difficult for me to pursuit something with someone else romantically, cause i always think of him.
I’m screwed basically.

i've noticed for a while now that most of my friends aren't very good with handling feelings. for example, if i told them i'm upset that someone hurts me then they try to rationalize the other person's actions or try to solve the problem instead of understanding why i'm upset.
or something else that just happened was i told a friend that this guy i was seeing kind of played me and all she said was, "oh lord."
i kind of knew that she wouldn't give me the response i wanted, but i am always surprised at how disassociated they are. they don't even ask me how i'm feeling or how i'm affected by it. i know i should stop having the expectation that they'll show up differently than how they have previously, but i keep holding onto that hope, or sometimes i want to share with my inner circle and feel supported.
how can i protect myself and maintain these friendships? i still think they're good people and they have shown up for me before in different ways. one has taken care of me after i got lasik and another has helped me moved my entire apartment when my freelancer didn't show up. so i know they're good people but they just aren't capable of supporting me in this realm. what are some ways i can cope with this and still feel supported when i'm sad?
thanks a lot for reading and for your insight in advance!

I feel like I need to just vent and let everything out, so here goes. This is gonna be long and a lot of yapping, I’m a mess while writing this. This doesn’t even contain everything that has happened.
I matched on Tinder with a cute guy in 2014 and we both made clear that we didn’t want anything else than friendship. But in a month, we were falling for each other. Early 2015, he told me he loves me, but he acknowledged my fear of love so I wouldn’t have to say it back. I kinda freaked out and dipped out, but we kept texting every month, especially when drunk, we told each other how much we like each other.
2016 we became official after playing around. It was heaven on earth for me then and I loved the man with my whole heart. I went out of my way for him. He was my first everything.
Few months into our relationship, we were at a festival with another couple who were our friends, and we 4 slept in a campervan. He wanted to have sex, I didn’t and I told him no few times. He ended up rubbing himself between my thighs while I laid there frozen and hurt. I pushed the whole thing away from my mind. Another 6 months in, we were drinking in his hometown with his friends. He got too drunk and ended up grabbing me from my collar and pushing me aggressively against a wall and yelled at me. He ran away and I was alone in his hometown while he didn’t answer. Well I found him and we went to his mother’s house to sleep, where he cried to me that I shouldn’t be with him that he’s a bad man. Another year in, one of his best friends hated me and trash talked me to their friend group and it was literally hell on earth, and he just let it happen, without setting things straight or defending me. And at the same time, we listened to one podcast where a couple had downloaded their tinders back and watched their old matches and convos to laugh at them lightheartedly. Well, we did just that but what I found out was that he had had tinder while we were officially together and talked to other women. He ended up deleting everything before he could show me them and saying it wasn’t him, that his single friends used his phone and pictures for tinder, but I could tell that it was him from the messages I had time to see.
The last 4 years have been sexless, and I have suffered with that a lot. There’s no kisses, no holding hands, no I love you’s, nothing. We have basically been friends for the last 4 years except when he’s drunk and wants to rub his D against me and cum.
Well now, we broke up a month ago, after being 8 years officially together and a decade of us being engaged with one another. Everything we own shared, our car, cats, furniture, EVERYTHING.
I’m just so broken, sad, finished and tired. I love him, but I don’t, I hate him, but I don’t. I have fought for this relationship for years alone, and it ended up breaking me. I have been unmotivated to finish my bachelor degree, I just stay home and don’t want to see anyone and I escape reality with music and stories. I read and use AI to live my hopeless romantic dreams, I dream about a life, but I’m scared I won’t ever get it because I lost myself in this relationship. I lost my mental health and my body. I have gained 30kg since we started dating, he loves ordering in and eating chips and all that shit, I had never even taken food home before I met him.
I’m looooost and I don’t know what to do, how to pull myself together and go live my life while going through this breakup, he and his family were my life and now I’m going to move out to live alone for the first time ever with two cats we got together.

So typical you might think! Yes, but i just wanted to get it out, and if you have an opinion that’s awesome.
I never liked a friend before, im 23F and two years ago I left my country for 3 months to work in a ski resort in the united states. There i met some amazing people, loved my job loved my coworkers, at the end of the season i started talking to this guy at work that always showed himself as shy so we never got to talk too much before, I discovered he was super nice and funny (really important) started to get along and hang out outside work with my other two friends, we would party at his house and stuff and then we all left because we were all mostly foreign, except from him.
After that experience I wanted to go back for the next season as I really enjoyed my stay there and all the amazing people I met and experiences I had. I was also excited to see this guy again as I knew he was also coming back, but none of my other friends were. At that point I realized I liked him but I wanted to think of him as a friend. We have so similar taste in music which is a big thing for me because i love and connect through music, i get really excited when someone else likes the same as I, and we also had the same sense of humor which was really cool.
When I went back for the other season we started hanging out way more often, I would go to his apartment all the time, we would do everything together even go to the supermarket which is really simple, but I enjoyed his company a lot. Often we would stay until late just talking. Everyone started noticing and thought we were together which started me wondering. He is a great guy, he’s the type of guy that has difficulties talking to girls, he would never try anything romantic by his initiative, he’s not disrespectful or a guy that’s always into girls and basically simp, not at all. He’s really funny and nice, he trust few people and keeps a small circle. At work we connected a lot with each other, every time something fun happened we would look at each other and smile or laugh, or would go to tell the other that something happened with a smile on our faces and laugh about it. I loved my other co workers but he was the only one i shared this complicity with. We would start making plans with other people but ending up alone somehow. He always remembers stupid things that I told him long ago and makes jokes about it in a smart way, which drives me crazy. He opened up to me with lots of things about himself, we noticed we have a lot in common. The thing is, we did a lot of things together, connected and he was always there to help me, specially because i broke my leg so he would always pick me up and help me get up and down my stairs and stuff. I remember he once mentioned that a girl friend of his tried to tell him that she liked him and he didn’t felt the same and thought that was annoying when a friend falls for you and stuff, which made me feel insecure because I do like him and he is my friend, but i don’t know if he does like me.
I ended up really confused. I don’t know if what we had was just a really good friendship or if he had feelings for me too. Once i went to a party and saw his roommates, he wasn’t there cause he is not a party guy, but they basically told me to tell him to come, that if i told him to come he would do it, which also got me overthinking.
I don’t know, he was never clear with intentions, or i was too confused, he didn’t had that relationship with no one else there, he didn’t treat the others the same way, but still, there were some times when he had opportunities to get closer to me and he didn’t.
Now i’m already in my country and i miss him like hell. Even tho he was a great friend we don’t text too often, cause he doesn’t text too much. Every little conversation we had on text I started it, he seems to answer friendly but he doesn’t talks to me by his initiative . Recently it was his birthday, i texted him told him i missed him, nothing too crazy, and he never responded me, which ended up breaking my heart and making me feel super bad. He did responded to the work gc when others texted there later in the day.
That’s basically it but compressed. I don’t have the guts to tell him anything and i don’t want to ruin anything or make it uncomfortable. It just makes me really sad because i think we get along really well we’re really alike, have similar thoughts, similar taste, i think we’re compatible and he’s the kind of guy you don’t find everywhere, so it’s been difficult for me to pursuit something with someone else romantically, cause i always think of him.
I’m screwed basically.

It’s been 6 months since I discovered the real truth, and my world came crashing down. It’s been 6 months since I disassociated and my closest friends blocked me, without even a goodbye. A lot has happened since then! I can’t believe how quickly it’s gone.
In this time, I had my first birthday and my first Christmas. It felt strange and sad considering it was just me and my boyfriend & his family, (not my family or loved ones), but it was a good start. I moved halfway across the world 3 months ago and have started a complete new life! I’ve met people who are amazing, kind people who care about others and I have common interests with. I’m starting to make some amazing friendships and unlike before, the only thing we have in common isn’t our religion. We have deep conversations about psychology, sociology, world issues and politics. It’s so different to JW land!
So much of my personality has been suppressed due to growing up in this cult. I had to suppress my interest in feminism, human rights and more. I didn’t have time for “hobbies” so I stopped reading books, stopped exercising and didn’t try new things. Sadly, I stopped thinking for myself. From speaking to others, I’ve realised that this cult has stolen my childhood from me. All those birthdays, Christmases - they took all the fun out of living! I’ll never be able to have a Prom, or a 21st birthday party. I can’t look back on childhood Halloween photos, or think about all the fun times I had trick or treating.
It’s not fair what this cult has done to us. I’ve had some really bad days. It feels like I’m alone in this because none of my friends have left, they’re all completely brainwashed and view me as a confused, misled worldly person. It’s hard when you feel like you’re the only person who sees reality.
But I’m finally able to reinvent myself - do whatever I want to do! I can finally listen to my own personal conscience and do the right thing because I want to, not because I’m scared of God’s wrath. I know that life will only get better, and I’m so grateful that I left and have so many opportunities.
When I meet people, I make sure to tell them about my ex-jw experience and spread the good news - that we can all avoid this cult if we raise awareness about it! People are shocked by my story, and often say they had no idea how bad JWs are.
Recently, my mother told me my old friends have been messaging her, asking about me. They’re hoping I’ll come back. It’s so sad - heartbreaking. They’re victims of this cult and I know how sad they must be because they can’t speak to me. They hope I’ll come back, but I never will. They’re trapped in this cult and I don’t see how they’ll ever wake up.
So I’m grateful that I’m out. I could be miserable right now, trying my best for an imaginary God and setting all my desires and dreams aside for him. Instead, I’ve discovered my passion for Psychology, studying to be a Psychologist, moved to a new country,started to make new friends and truly learn who I am. Waking up has helped me deal with my childhood trauma and learnt how being a JW made it worse. I can’t wait for the next 6 months, and for the day when I look back and being a JW feels like a distant dream!

Hey all,
I’m 26F, and I’m pretty well educated (pursuing my PhD), but due to being an empath, I’ve never been able to keep a stable job. I can’t deal with workplace harrasment, conflict, and politics. I’m in the process of finding remote work, and it’s the only work I can do due to being an empath.
I’ve also never been able to keep solid friendships/friendships groups because people take advantage of my kindness or I feel really drained talking to them if they’re not spiritual like me, especially if they’re energy vampires. I don’t drink, smoke, or stay out late. I’m not adventurous, so sometimes I find people drift away from me because of this.
I’ve additionally been single my whole life because my parents are strict, and I energetically can’t have casual sex with people. I get attached easily. I can’t seem to find guys who are respectful of my sensitivity.
However, I see my ex friends doing so well in life because they’re not empaths and can take on the world. My ex friends are either living their dream posh life, married to great men, or working their dream job.
I feel so irritated because a lot of these girls aren’t good people, but are ambitious and selfish. I feel so sad that honest, sensitive, and recluse empaths like me aren’t able to achieve the same, when I feel I’m worthy of more than them.
How can I navigate these feelings?

i've noticed for a while now that most of my friends aren't very good with handling feelings. for example, if i told them i'm upset that someone hurts me then they try to rationalize the other person's actions or try to solve the problem instead of understanding why i'm upset.
or something else that just happened was i told a friend that this guy i was seeing kind of played me and all she said was, "oh lord."
i kind of knew that she wouldn't give me the response i wanted, but i am always surprised at how disassociated they are. they don't even ask me how i'm feeling or how i'm affected by it. i know i should stop having the expectation that they'll show up differently than how they have previously, but i keep holding onto that hope, or sometimes i want to share with my inner circle and feel supported.
how can i protect myself and maintain these friendships? i still think they're good people and they have shown up for me before in different ways. one has taken care of me after i got lasik and another has helped me moved my entire apartment when my freelancer didn't show up. so i know they're good people but they just aren't capable of supporting me in this realm. what are some ways i can cope with this and still feel supported when i'm sad?
thanks a lot for reading and for your insight in advance!

Nothing scandalous here, I just need to vent. I'm less than two months away from turning 30. I've never been in a relationship. I've never had sex. I've never seen a girl naked in person, been seen naked, felt up a girl, slept in a bed with a girl, or even cuddled. I did kiss a girl, but it was just a couple quick kisses on the lips. Hell, my first kiss was also when my last date was, over eight and half years ago. I feel like a failure, a weirdo, an outsider.
I know not everyone is out there having sex in high school, or hooking up in college. But I wanted to have those cliche experiences. Instead I just let my anxiety control me. I stay in my comfort zone and now it feels too late to get out. I know I'm still young, but after four years of therapy I don't feel I'm much different.
Sure, my therapist will say I've made dramatic improvements. I moved out of my parents house, I'm on meds, I got convinced to get on dating apps. I have a decent paying job, I'm reliable and always there, no student loan debt, no car debt, I have a 401k, I have friends, I'm smart, friendly, funny, and just in general a good person. But I still have low self-esteem and confidence. I built some up over the first two some years of therapy, I started to think I'd had a chance with women. I mean, I can actually have conversations without making it sexual and I'm respectful.
That's why my therapist was finally able to talk me into using dating apps. After a year I've had zero dates. In real life I still can't approach strangers in general so forget approaching a cute girl and trying to flirt or as her out. Hell, I don't even know where the hell people go to meet people. And now that I'm living on my own I'm lonely all the time. I come home to nobody. I eat dinner alone. I go to bed alone and wake up alone. And what's worse, I'm tired.
Just... tired. I work manual labor so I get home tired. I relax and I'm still tired. I tried exercising, still tired. I'm just tired of being tired. And I don't have the motivation to change anything not that I even know what to do to change. It's like I'm suffocating but I don't know how to get air, and if I did I don't have the energy to get it. I'm so tired I came the closest I'd been to suicide since high school. Probably the only reason I'm still here is I don't want to burden somebody else with the mess. Rope, gun, pills; somebody will find me and somebody will have to clean it up. Train, car, bridge; somebody will be traumatized and have to clean it up. I can't inconvenience somebody like that. I'm not sure if that means I'm thoughtful or so low on myself that I'm not worth the hassle.
So if this is how I feel after years of therapy, how many years until Im good enough to be in a healthy relationship? How will I even handle a relationship? How bad will I be at sex? How off put will women be by a 30+ year old guy who has never been in a relationship, dated, had sex, or even got to first base? How bad will I be living with somebody else? How long until I learn how to date or flirt or kiss? How long until I feel like I can really live?
I'm just torn. I want to live life. But I don't know how. There's things I want to do. But I'm too tired and too caught up in my own thoughts and anxiety.
So I turned to reddit. I met some wonderful people, they told me I'm cute, I'm kind, good at writing and conversing, that I'm a catch. A couple of them even talked about meeting and maybe seeing how we vibe and maybe having sex. Of course then they stop talking suddenly and I'm left to start over again. Finding someone you can just easily track to is so hard. Finding someone to talk to who isn't trying to sell you something is fucking hard and exhausting. And then you find them, put in energy and effort into cultivating that friendship, you see it start to blossom, and then one morning you come out and find out a deer ate the friendship down to the roots overnight. Now all you have left is a pot of dirt with what was something that made you smile. Something you looked forward to seeing.
I'm just tired of being tired. I'm tired of wanting to have a woman want me, desire me, want to hold and comfort me, wanting someone to choose to spend their time with me. I'm tired of wanting to have someone I can spoil, I can put my skills towards making happy, who I can hold and comfort and support. I'm tired of wanting to feel someone's embrace, their head on my chest and their arms around me, a simple kiss, moments of lust and passion, a simple touch on the arm or their fingers weaving with mine. I'm tired of not knowing what I want or what to do or what will make me happy. Im tired of not even being sad, just feeling tired.
I just don't know what to do, what to change, how to change. I wish I could just give up and live alone, happy to play video games and be alone. I always remember a quote from a TV show:
"The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't the search for meaning; it's just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead." - Mr. Peanutbutter

I originally posted a post under unrequited love that said “have u ever ended a friendship with someone you love who didn’t love you back.” The thing is he’s my guy friend for two years and I’m in love with him and I have strong feelings for him but I know he never felt the same way. The friendship was something that caused me a lot of ache and pain bc I hoped for something more when I knew that could never happen. It was driving me insane to stay in his life and not tell him how I feel and I was sure that the good decision was to walk away and end the friendship for my mental health which I did. Our friendship was also meaningless and pointless bc he would make fun of me a lot and call me “pessimistic” which I am but the unrequited feelings added to my pessimism. He would always reject my offer to hangout and would leave me on seen for months on end etc. So that also played a factor in why I ended the friendship including my feelings bc I was just so miserable. I texted him something really light bc I know it can be overwhelming for the person on the receiving end and I didn’t want to dump my feelings on him. I first said “I don’t think I can maintain a friendship anymore.” Bc I chickened out to which he didn’t even ask why or anything and just said “I wish u Nothing but the best.” That response got me a bit sad and mad bc he didn’t even care to ask why or anything and I just wanted to believe our friendship wasn’t that weak and had more care in it. I cried for hours bc I thought he would’ve at least asked why. We saw each other the day before I texted him this in which he made fun of me for being pessimistic. So I thought he would think that’s why I was ending the friendship bc I’ve told him I don’t like it when he calls me pessimistic. Either way I Thought he would just say something like “why” “did something happen” “are u okay.” But he didn’t. So bc I got mad I then told him I have to distance myself from him bc I have certain emotions and feelings for him that make it hard to maintain a friendship. Then I also sort of went off on him a little bit for calling me pessimistic and making fun of me for it bc he never understood that part of my reason for being pessimistic was loving him and hoping for him when I knew he never felt the same way. I said “my negativity isn’t who I am. You never knew the real me.” I also said distance myself and just not be friends for right now or forever bc I don’t know what the future holds. I texted this on sat and it’s now Mon. He hasn’t texted me back and I understand that’s okay and it must be overwhelming to hear that from me esp bc I never once let him know or even gave hints I liked him. I was so good at just hiding it so I know it’s a shock. He’s also a person that doesn’t open up or talk at all. He just closes up and never talks about how he feels. The thing is… I was so careful with what I said and I didn’t dump emotional love on him. I said I needed time away bc I have feelings for him. I just feel bad now? I feel so guilty? I feel like I did the wrong thing? I miss him? I KNOW the good thing was to distance myself bc I can’t even describe the pain I was in when we were friends not just bc of my feelings but bc he never put effort to be friends with me and would just be distant and dry to me. When I was friends with him I would tell myself I’d be much happier without him but now that I’m experiencing that side of the equation I feel more miserable? I just need help with my emotions? I think I messed up? Was being friends with him better than nothing? Should I have just hid my feelings and been happy to have him as a friend at least? I don’t know what he’s feeling bc he won’t talk to me and his silence is driving me insane. Do I miss him or the idea of a friendship with him? Do I miss him or our friendship? I feel like I’m regretting everything now but is it just too early and the pain of letting him go is fresh? Do I still have to get used to not having in my life bc I just cry and cry that we aren’t friends anymore. I thought would it be possible to stay friends after my confession and I would’ve liked to bc our friendship means a lot to me but I know that wasn’t possible bc my emotions were just too much for him but I’m beating myself over it that I could’ve told him in a diff way and said “i hope my feelings don’t ruin our friendship.” I’m just lost. I don’t know what im missing or what I did that was wrong or right. He’s a very patient and nice person overall by nature and we have school together on Thurs so i don’t know if I should just go and talk to him? But I feel sort of embarrassed to even see him. I also don’t know if he’ll still wanna see me even tho he is soft by nature I do get that if he’s upset or something and refuses to talk to me it makes sense. I feel terrible and miserable in my own self even tho I know I owed it to myself to distance myself bc it’s good for my mental and emotional health. Can someone just talk to me and tell me if I did the wrong thing or the right thing? What’s this feeling of missing him or just the friendship? Why do I feel and almost regret it? I just need him to talk to me even if he wants to yell at me for saying I have feelings but I just need him to TALK. It just hurts bc I feel like he always just misunderstands me and thinks the bad things about me. I just didn’t want our friendship to end on bad terms. I’ve never had to deal with such complicated emotions before. This entire situation is driving me insane esp bc he never talks about how he feels or shares anything. Oh and I forgot to mention he’s moving away to a diff state for grad school in July…. Which is 90% of the reason why I knew I should just end our friendship or distance myself bc what use is loving someone who’s far away from me that I can’t even see or hangout with? He could just get a gf and that would’ve made my pain and ache more severe. (He’s single rn and has been the entire time we were friends). I thought I would be so much happier without him and could start my “healing journey” but I had no idea the complications waiting for me on the other end.

Original Post:
https://www.reddit.com/Stepmom/comments/1b808rv/how_do_i_mourn_the_loss_of_my_home_but_as_a/
Well, everyone was right. Recipe for resentment, everyone is miserable, everything sucks right now.
We put our house on the market, and it's been on for over 70 days. Have lowered the asking price twice, no offers. Financially, we can't lower the asking price by anymore.
SK(9) moved in with BM two months ago and started their new school, new sports teams, etc. Thankfully, they are adjusting well, all things considered.
BM has crossed a few lines (asking DH to dig up the remains of his cat to have them cremated so that SK is less sad about leaving our home). She feels guilty for the move and the change, and keeps trying to push 'solutions' on us-- lowering the asking price again, staying at her apartment so that we can have more time with SK, etc and completely ignores requested boundaries. When DH & I told her we thought it would be uncomfortable for us to stay in her new home (with or without her there), that it would ultimately lead to more resentment, and would be inappropriate, she wouldn't leave it alone and told us we'd "regret missing out on that time". I always try to give her the benefit of the doubt, and always do my best to see things from her perspective, but I'm reaching my limit. I'm angry and resentful and am an emotional mess.
Not sure what good an update does other than being a good spot for me to vent... I guess I just want any potential SMs to proceed with caution. BM & BD have all the power, and if BM is a good person and a great mom, then she holds more power than BD.
Falling in love with your SK and then losing consistent custody with them is heartbreaking. Not sure where to go from here-- but I'd like to stop crying every day.

I've been friends with V since the beginning of last year. At first, we were both very lonely at school, then we slowly got closer and became friends. Y was always around us from the beginning, but she wasn't a "close" friend. She was with another girl, who ended up leaving school. Then, she started going out with another girl and, for a while, with us, but then she always distanced herself. Since the end of last year, the three of us have gotten closer and started to be close friends. I was really happy to have both Y and V as my friends, but for the past two months, things have been weird. Like, it's obvious that V and I were really close since it was just me and her, but we included Y in everything. If we went to the bathroom, Y went with us. Y always takes a long time to finish eating, but we always wait. If Y doesn't want to go to the bathroom, we won't go because we don't want to leave her alone. She also has several health problems, so V and I always take care of her. Well, but then slowly I felt Y start to pull V towards her. That's what makes me think this:

• I sit behind V, while Y sits next to V, but now she almost never lets me sit there and when I do, she keeps asking me to switch seats with her.
• When V and I do something together (like simply writing each other's initials), Y says she's being excluded and wants to do it too, but Y just wants V's attention. I never seem to be her first choice.
• When we go out, Y always makes a point of staying in front with V, leaving me behind.
• When we have a class in pairs, Y always wants to be with V, making me have to look for someone else.
• Once, a colleague of ours said that "trios don't work," and Y responded like this: "Well, it's true. V and K (me) sometimes exclude me, and K sometimes pulls V towards her, but V likes me more, you know?" I was like, "What the hell?" She also said that I abandoned her and V to talk to another friend of mine, and I literally only talked to this girl when I left my books in the locker or when we met in the bathroom.

Well, you can see that it's obvious that Y likes V much more than me, which wouldn't be a problem if she weren't so clear about it. In fact, it's becoming obvious that Y doesn't even like me, and it's really hurting. She occasionally makes some mean comments or is rude to me, for example:

• Yesterday, we arrived at school at the same time and I was happy to see her, so I called her so we could go upstairs together. I thought Y hadn't heard me, and so I ran a little to catch up with her and said "Good morning~," to which she replied, "Nothing good," and then we didn't say anything else until we got to the room. I thought she was sad or in pain since her health is bad, but when we arrived in class Y immediately started talking with V.
• She sometimes makes comments about my weight that hurt me a lot. For example, when we are playing with something, Y says that I can "crumple" something, that only I would crush someone, etc.
• Today, we were eating and Y was talking to someone, and out of nowhere she said, "I tell K to stop being ugly and that doesn't mean she stops." Like FROM NOTHING, FROM NOTHING AT ALL. Y herself was surprised by what she said, and the girl she was talking to said, "What?"

Honestly, I don't know if this is all in my head, or if I'm being dramatic and overly sensitive or something. I just want this to end and for us to go back to being friends like we were before. I would like to tell them what I feel, but I'm afraid of not only losing Y's friendship, but also V's. I want to feel that I'm needed there, that my presence is appreciated, and that what I feel is valid. In fact, I think V has no idea what's going on between me and Y, so I'm afraid of saying so, and she'll abandon me completely to be with Y. My biggest fear is that if I stop being friends with Y, V will choose her over me.

I've been friends with V since the beginning of last year. At first, we were both very lonely at school, then we slowly got closer and became friends. Y was always around us from the beginning, but she wasn't a "close" friend. She was with another girl, who ended up leaving school. Then, she started going out with another girl and, for a while, with us, but then she always distanced herself. Since the end of last year, the three of us have gotten closer and started to be close friends. I was really happy to have both Y and V as my friends, but for the past two months, things have been weird. Like, it's obvious that V and I were really close since it was just me and her, but we included Y in everything. If we went to the bathroom, Y went with us. Y always takes a long time to finish eating, but we always wait. If Y doesn't want to go to the bathroom, we won't go because we don't want to leave her alone. She also has several health problems, so V and I always take care of her. Well, but then slowly I felt Y start to pull V towards her. That's what makes me think this:

• I sit behind V, while Y sits next to V, but now she almost never lets me sit there and when I do, she keeps asking me to switch seats with her.
• When V and I do something together (like simply writing each other's initials), Y says she's being excluded and wants to do it too, but Y just wants V's attention. I never seem to be her first choice.
• When we go out, Y always makes a point of staying in front with V, leaving me behind.
• When we have a class in pairs, Y always wants to be with V, making me have to look for someone else.
• Once, a colleague of ours said that "trios don't work," and Y responded like this: "Well, it's true. V and K (me) sometimes exclude me, and K sometimes pulls V towards her, but V likes me more, you know?" I was like, "What the hell?" She also said that I abandoned her and V to talk to another friend of mine, and I literally only talked to this girl when I left my books in the locker or when we met in the bathroom.

Well, you can see that it's obvious that Y likes V much more than me, which wouldn't be a problem if she weren't so clear about it. In fact, it's becoming obvious that Y doesn't even like me, and it's really hurting. She occasionally makes some mean comments or is rude to me, for example:

• Yesterday, we arrived at school at the same time and I was happy to see her, so I called her so we could go upstairs together. I thought Y hadn't heard me, and so I ran a little to catch up with her and said "Good morning~," to which she replied, "Nothing good," and then we didn't say anything else until we got to the room. I thought she was sad or in pain since her health is bad, but when we arrived in class Y immediately started talking with V.
• She sometimes makes comments about my weight that hurt me a lot. For example, when we are playing with something, Y says that I can "crumple" something, that only I would crush someone, etc.
• Today, we were eating and Y was talking to someone, and out of nowhere she said, "I tell K to stop being ugly and that doesn't mean she stops." Like FROM NOTHING, FROM NOTHING AT ALL. Y herself was surprised by what she said, and the girl she was talking to said, "What?"

Honestly, I don't know if this is all in my head, or if I'm being dramatic and overly sensitive or something. I just want this to end and for us to go back to being friends like we were before. I would like to tell them what I feel, but I'm afraid of not only losing Y's friendship, but also V's. I want to feel that I'm needed there, that my presence is appreciated, and that what I feel is valid. In fact, I think V is totally oblivious to what's going on between Y and me, so I'm afraid of saying so, and she'll abandon me completely to be with Y. My biggest fear is that if I stop being friends with Y, V will choose her over me.

I've been friends with V since the beginning of last year. At first, we were both very lonely at school, then we slowly got closer and became friends. Y was always around us from the beginning, but she wasn't a "close" friend. She was with another girl, who ended up leaving school. Then, she started going out with another girl and, for a while, with us, but then she always distanced herself. Since the end of last year, the three of us have gotten closer and started to be close friends. I was really happy to have both Y and V as my friends, but for the past two months, things have been weird. Like, it's obvious that V and I were really close since it was just me and her, but we included Y in everything. If we went to the bathroom, Y went with us. Y always takes a long time to finish eating, but we always wait. If Y doesn't want to go to the bathroom, we won't go because we don't want to leave her alone. She also has several health problems, so V and I always take care of her. Well, but then slowly I felt Y start to pull V towards her. That's what makes me think this:

• I sit behind V, while Y sits next to V, but now she almost never lets me sit there and when I do, she keeps asking me to switch seats with her.
• When V and I do something together (like simply writing each other's initials), Y says she's being excluded and wants to do it too, but Y just wants V's attention. I never seem to be her first choice.
• When we go out, Y always makes a point of staying in front with V, leaving me behind.
• When we have a class in pairs, Y always wants to be with V, making me have to look for someone else.
• Once, a colleague of ours said that "trios don't work," and Y responded like this: "Well, it's true. V and K (me) sometimes exclude me, and K sometimes pulls V towards her, but V likes me more, you know?" I was like, "What the hell?" She also said that I abandoned her and V to talk to another friend of mine, and I literally only talked to this girl when I left my books in the locker or when we met in the bathroom.

Well, you can see that it's obvious that Y likes V much more than me, which wouldn't be a problem if she weren't so clear about it. In fact, it's becoming obvious that Y doesn't even like me, and it's really hurting. She occasionally makes some mean comments or is rude to me, for example:

• Yesterday, we arrived at school at the same time and I was happy to see her, so I called her so we could go upstairs together. I thought Y hadn't heard me, and so I ran a little to catch up with her and said "Good morning~," to which she replied, "Nothing good," and then we didn't say anything else until we got to the room. I thought she was sad or in pain since her health is bad, but when we arrived in class Y immediately started talking with V.
• She sometimes makes comments about my weight that hurt me a lot. For example, when we are playing with something, Y says that I can "crumple" something, that only I would crush someone, etc.
• Today, we were eating and Y was talking to someone, and out of nowhere she said, "I tell K to stop being ugly and that doesn't mean she stops." Like FROM NOTHING, FROM NOTHING AT ALL. Y herself was surprised by what she said, and the girl she was talking to said, "What?"

Honestly, I don't know if this is all in my head, or if I'm being dramatic and overly sensitive or something. I just want this to end and for us to go back to being friends like we were before. I would like to tell them what I feel, but I'm afraid of not only losing Y's friendship, but also V's. I want to feel that I'm needed there, that my presence is appreciated, and that what I feel is valid. In fact, I think V has no idea what's going on between me and Y, so I'm afraid of saying so, and she'll abandon me completely to be with Y. My biggest fear is that if I stop being friends with Y, V will choose her over me.

My daughter, 10, has had a best friend Emma since kindergarten. Over the years my husband and I have become good friends with this Emma’s parents, too. We’ve hung out countless times as families and I thought we had found a great friendship all around. They’ve been great people to hang out with and have supported us in tougher times and I was really happy with making a new friend myself!
Over the past few months, the girls’ friendship has gone downhill and after a lot of tears and a lot of hurt they’ve pretty much ended their friendship. The end of their friendship was helped along by the fact that Emma has been bullying my kid, putting her down, being negative and mean and tried to pit a third girl against my kid in a bid for her friendship. Also this girl calling my daughter a bitch (truly!!!) and doubling down when caught. Emma’s mom messaged me to say that she didn’t think the girls should be friends for awhile because it was too upsetting for her daughter to be caught in the middle of a 3 person friendship and she just couldn’t stand to see her daughter sad. While I’m not claiming my daughter was perfect in their friendship, I know Emma was being awful and can be so stinging and hurtful to those around her and she was incredibly manipulative. And her mom didn’t even acknowledge that Emma was the instigator to all the drama so who knows what stories she was fed by her daughter.
My kid didn’t tell us almost anything Emma did or said to make her upset because she said she didn’t want to ruin the friendship us parents had. So she held onto this shitty treatment by her “best friend” for years! I’ve never felt like I failed more as a parent.
But where I feel like the most failed parent is that I’m just so sad I lost a friend, too. I know that might make me seem shallow or callous or self-centered and I know as a mom I’m supposed to protect my kid at all costs, and I think I have tried, but I’m mourning the loss of the friendship us adults had. I have so few friends to begin with and losing a mom friend that I have clicked with so well feels so shitty and I’ve been so deep in my feelings over it. My husband just brushes it off, he’s so blase about it and he frames it as “I’m protecting my kid and I don’t care about friendships”. He’s still talking to the dad and they’re still friendly. I’m just having a tough time. I’m sad my kid was in such a terrible friendship herself and I’m sad we ended up all losing.
I just needed to get this all out. I’m going to talk to my therapist but it’s honestly on the back burner to the other things I have been addressing, mental health wise.

Not extremely long relationship. She told me after a long talk (around 3hours ) that she wants to break up. She tryed to accuse me of things to make it easier for her , she wanted to end it with "hate" but I managed to calm her a bit and made her speak her mind normally . We politely talked and both of us ended the communication in a mature way. I asked her if this means : " no more sending pics,no more sending videos,no more texts from now on, right ? " She said "yes, cause that way it will be best for both of us " . I said "Okey, than that's how it will be. One more thing . If there is a very severy problem and you don't have anyone to talk to , don't hesitate , call me . " She knew I felt kinda hurt, that I loved her a lot and I will not be probably able to sleep that night and before the last goodbyes , she asked me for a picture to see me and she also sent one. I have sent a picture of my sad face and she sent a picture of her eyes being kinda red and puffy (probably she cryed before sending it or just wanted to make me think she did) .
Fast forward less than 48 hours. I was outside with my friends . Walking and talking ,trying to think about anything else than what happened less than 48 hours before. SMS pops up on my phone. (We never talked via SMS Messages - Using different apps to talk ) .
Message : "What is up with you? 🥺 You don't give any signs of life" (translated from another language)
This happened yesterday. I did not replied.
If we said that we will not talk,not send messages and not send pics then why now after less than 2 days this message popped up ?