Quotes from despereaux

Hopefully getting close to being out of the woods with this sickness and hopefully back to keep up with this better when back to my normal routine. Season 3 is done and finished with a massive 11 wins. We start season 4 today, where we have seasons 4 and 5 left in this first round until the bracket. Looking forward to y'alls thoughts on things as we get closer to the end of this first round and your thoughts, quotes, and moments from today's episodes as we get 2 very similar episodes.
Today's episodes:
Extradition: British Columbia: While on a trip to Canada, Shawn and Gus run into an international art thief who Lassiter has been tracking for years. Shawn and Gus start working with the Vancouver police to try to bring Depereaux to justice.
Extradition II: The Actual Extradition Part: Shawn and Gus visit Despereaux in prison in Canada, but Despereaux has plans to escape. During their visit to Canada Depereaux's calling card is left at multiple murder scenes.
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It's a weird time to get back into a fandom reaching its 10 years (I think). But holy crap it is a weird trip. Even as people are leaving and all, I can't really put my finger on why I just love this cast of killer dorks so much. Like, the manga and anime were not the most stellar things I had seen, but the characters are just so strangely attractive. It's like the series planted seeds of these people that needed fleshing out... and then the fandom does all the rest. And it churned out some awesome stuff over the years (go look some AnR fics up and read 'em!)
Now is where I get into my very stupid and probably-only-me views of the series:
I think that AnR has pretty great humans (mostly!). Not that they're friends I would want or people I wanna meet (even though I have dreams of them lol), but they are interesting and complex examples of people, in ways more complex than characters I know from more popular (and braindead) series. On a glance, most of the Black Class seems kinda blah, probably. I probably have too much headcanon going on and that's why I feel so strongly about this group of interesting ladies (sorry Kaiba and Mizorogi).
Disclaimer: This is not a character analysis. I'm not drunk enough for that. This is just a weird amalgam of headcanons, worldviews, and stuff to explain why I love these characters

1. Haru is an interesting person, with her very very fringe worldview of kindness. It reminds me of Evelyn's husband from Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. That is heartwarming to me. Even though Haru lives in the World of Light and has ties to the World of Darkness, she remains kind. It isn't just stupid and blind, but rather a protective mechanism and what she knows. Our own world probably doesn't look that similar on a glance, but humanity's history has a cruel streak for the most part, and acts of kindness are more often calculated than anything truly kind. Kindness is a weakness, and humans have wholly embraced Machiavellian and Manichean mindsets as a result, creating generations of people who only care for their own desires and not for that of others. Haru is unique in this respect because she does have her own goals, but she isn't jumping to accomplish them however she can. She believes there are "things you just shouldn't do." Her becoming Queen Bee is sort of a hope for the future of the world, like in that Charlie Chaplin spiel, "The Great Emperor." " More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness" ... That being said, Haru is also someone who doesn't really want to be a ruler at first... She just gets into it later somehow...
2. Yuri Meichi is the obvious counter position to Haru. She's a calculating woman who's amused as she watches and orchestrates events from the background. HOWEVER, I don't think she is entirely adverse to Haru's views either. Yuri likely grew up with that sort of world as a natural thing. But, as a very clever woman with foresight (I know I could be giving her too much credit), I think she can also envision more for the world than the usual life and death. It is probably why she would prefer someone like Haru become Queen. Of course, Haru does surpass expectations here and there, probably, but I think that Yuri might have expected the world to change someday. She's the sort of "older generation" person I would like to exist more often in our world, who are more open to changes (though please don't with those mind games...)
3. Nio grew more and more complicated the more I thought about her. Like, she's MORE devoted than Tokaku, in my opinion, to her Queen. And then there's the weird ending of "Survival" and all that... Like, you will survive... alone? I think she is lonely (OBVIOUSLY) and clings to Yuri as a sort of anchor in a world of nothing but violence and cold. Like Yuri, she grew up with the dark world, but she doesn't see any hope beyond this darkness. Killers will be killers. That, in and of itself, is interesting to me. I believe she was adopted into the Kuzunoha, rather than being a bloodline member, so she obviously endured a bit under whatever the heck those weirdoes do to their kids to grow assassins. Even if she finds herself attached to Yuri, the instinct of assassination is still drilled into her, which might be what the "survival" bit is... However, a spot has opened up now, I think, and she probably would prefer not to survive alone anymore. So, I do think "Survival" speaks of a Nio maybe before her devotion to Yuri. In a grander scope of things, Nio is the sort of person who is fixated on their own goals... which isn't necessarily the worst thing. It is ultimately very human, granted her twisted history of being treated as little more than property (I mean, come on, who just gives a person as a present?)
4. Haruki is my fave and is best girl :D She has a very Cinderella vibe to her, except like, worse, since her entire family is poor. And the fact these aren't bad kids and her mom isn't a horrible bitch only makes it harder for her to ignore them and run the hell away. So, this is sort of like being bound by love as a restraint, which is a very cool idea, and creates that depressed side of Haruki that is looking to be "set free" by death. Like, she can't die without winning, but if she died, she wouldn't have to worry any more at least. So, she can say she tried and just say adios to all that baggage. That motivation hidden under her promise to upkeep her family is just (UGH) fucking everything. Her position in my worldview, however, is relatively minor, since she is just such a GODDAMN IDEAL OMG. Imagine if people actually cared that much about family and those sort of connections. For many people (not all, I know), family is the first connection we have as people. As social creatures, should we not act for the better of others rather than solely as ourselves? But the conundrum comes when we spend ourselves too much and thus are pushed into the cornered state like Haruki was. So, there is a need for some of what "I want" against the overwhelming "other people need this of me." Also, Haruki is fucking hot (AND she's a pretty nice person. Come on.).
5. Isuke is kinda meh (I personally see her as window dressing for Haruki lol). But her character is also interesting :D (I say this at gunpoint)! Of course, we are aware she had a horrible history and now just does whatever she wants. I daresay she only does everything for her family only if she wants to, so that's obviously different from Haruki. I am not that big a fan of this in my worldview, since it is a relatively mainstream thing to do. People like to be selfish and do what they want. What you do for others that coincides with what you want is a happy accident. That being said, Isuke probably isn't THAT much of a bitch... I think. She does have people she wants to see happy, and that's why she does what she does... She doesn't love killing, she loves the money. So, maybe she is more utilitarian than I thought. That makes sense considering how she just uses and dumps Banba like a used tool.
6. Suzu is my SECOND FAVORITE. GODDAMIT SHE IS A GEM. She's a bit like Yuri in how she also plays stuff in the background, sets up traps, plans, yada yada... I mean, come on, shogi, chess, all those are THE original war games. Suzu is no stranger to the nature of the world that is only life and death. But as a person who has lived so long, I think she has seen the cyclical follies of humans more than anyone would like. Unlike Yuri, she is much more of an observer than an orchestrator (except for her one attempt on Haru, which was her final gamble). She doesn't see a way out of the world and its problems, so she focuses on seeing her personal wish come true at the end, momentarily becoming an actor instead of an observer. She probably knows that getting attached to anyone at this point in life is just asking for heartbreak. But at the same time, she wants to leave evidence of her life, which is why she sticks with Kouko initially. I think a lot of people want to leave behind something (PSA: DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN JUST FOR THIS REASON), so that is a relatable sentiment. But I think that she is also being a little bit selfish for once because she should know the heartbreak she will cause Kouko when she dies. Suzu fits the "Everything Goes On" song by Porter Robinson very well.
7. Kouko, the uptight cinnamon roll who has no prospects in life and only hopes for punishment someday... Ah yes, her. She's an "old soul" type that I like. She's not as calming as Suzu, but she does have her moments of clarity and lightheartedness. Kouko is probably what I would say is "a normal person" in my worldview. The MAIN CAVEAT to her normalness is the fact she has been put into rather large shoes to fill, namely Irena's. So, that has somewhat twisted her normalness into someone who probably wants to be normal, like why she wants to quit her "job." I do want to bring attention to the fact that Kouko seemed perfectly fine killing people with Irena back in Clover Home (they had a nice chat outside a burning house as some people exploded, hello!), so she isn't totally adverse to killing at all. She is also someone raised with the dark world rules. I feel her faith would be somewhat important... except it really isn't. Man, Clover Home sucks at playing the stereotypical religious terrorists! Anyway, she lost her faith anyway, when Irena died. HOWEVER, "ACROSS THE FATE", WHICH I LOVE, does query if there is a god or not. If there is, Kouko hopes for punishment, so that she will not be left behind anymore and stuck in time, without a future to look forward to, and a past to go back to. She is, in my worldview, a "deracinated" person. She has no blood relatives or anyone but the Home, which doesn't even like her. In a profession she hates, she has no real future. I think many people feel lost like her these days, without hope or foundation to stand on... and that is why she is interesting to me.
8. Hitsugi (oh boy) is a person who lost her humanity and struggles to become human again... Is my take on her. The way she speaks of herself as a bug (and the way I like her as a plant), is something that just "lives," or in the case of poisonous fauna and flora, they kill. They don't have emotions or motives beyond that it's kinda just what they do. Well, that's not totally right... Hitsugi is a curious person who attends funerals just to see how it's like (and she's the cause behind that funeral, too lol). Her body is physically weak, so she uses poison, which, as a TTRPG player, I know takes guts and planning. So, she has a plotting and scheming side like Yuri and Suzu. But she isn't nearly as developed in some departments like Yuri and Suzu, who are sage-like (to me!). Hitsugi strikes me as those sort of people who don't do well with emotions because they just don't get them. It's like how an alien just knows our hormones run around and then say "but how did that start wwiii?!" She sounds honestly like someone who never got in touch with feelings ever, always just making up fake shit (or getting that shoved down her throat, who knows). Anyway, she thought emotions were just "electric signals", only to find she is also susceptible. And then, she's now wishing for death from her beloved. Kinda cruel, really. You don't even understand wtf you did wrong and you want someone else to dirty their hands with your blood? But! She probably doesn't understand that either! She doesn't understand why Chitaru would still want her to live despite everything. She's a bit like Tokiko from Shi ni Aru that way... enigmatically inhuman, but still human.
9. Chitaru... I already wrote my long spiel on her being a person of justice in the notes of this fic chapter here. I don't quite agree with just shoving her aside as a hypocrite. Justice is based off law and human law is inconsistent at best. The idea of human life being so untouchable despite horrible things they did is enh to me. But enough about that... Wait, that's it? Shoot. Chitaru unfortunately doesn't have the most interesting or complex interest to me. I like that she is an upstanding person for the most part, and she genuinely struggles with morality. In the end, I think she does renege on her idea of retributive justice (though it could just be Hitsugi). I also like drawing her, so that's fun. She is a person that is pretty straightforward. I wish more people were like her, too. Man, world of light people can be so boring.
10. Mahiru and Shinya are just two weirdoes trying to find their way to happiness in a dark world, though it will never be enough. All they can do is be like a blind beast in a world of people. It doesn't matter though, because most of humanity is a buncha shitheads who didn't save her. The two of them remind me of the Uno twins from Collar X Malice, Shion and Suzune. They're all pretty crazy and killers. Like the Uno twins, Banba had horrible shit done to her that twisted her mind into a bit of a dreamland and nightmare. Real life is kinda like a walk on a tightrope. One wrong step and you have a breakdown and anxiety attack. I think she is, in my worldview, the absolute neglected. There are people who were not resilient in the face of adversity (to no fault of their own, often), and end up broken as a result. As they say in Despereaux, when you try to put something broken back together, you often do it wrong. So, you end up with a lopsided grin and a scar that never goes away, constantly reminding you. These are people that are neglected despite their cries for help, and then they end up doing horrible things. Then, people look in retrospect and say "oh, how sad" and move on.
11. Sumireko is a bit of an overexplored concept. She's not that hard to figure out. As someone who lived similarly to Haru, she is also a foil. She believes in strength over kindness. Her song tells you she's being manipulated, and she is Yuri's mannequin, in truth. The doll eventually does learn to walk on its own, free of strings, but not before it has been broken and defeated. Even after that loss, she still pursues physical strength... sorta. I'm almost convinced she's just playing around with Banba. Their fights don't look nearly strenuous enough to be considered real training. She lost a lot up to this point in life, and she believes she is stronger thanks to that. In a way, it is a skewed view of the "magic" Haru possesses from her dead family. Sumireko is... one of those people who believe they are "doers" (fuck Ayn Rand). She believes she reached these heights with her own power, ignoring all obstacles and stuff. She's not as arrogant as a Randian protag (thank god), but she certainly gives off a similar aura in that way. She desires to be the strongest, and that means being alone... except she can't seem to let go of her roommate. So! She is quite Randian in this way! Randian protags like to act like their hot shit and then fall heads over heels for some person they can't live without, thus becoming hypocrites to their original "I can do everything myself!" mindset. Sumireko's attachment to Shinya, telling her not to vanish, is an excellent example of this, and even Shinya's like "You literally said a queen must live in solitude." Haha. (Again, fuck Ayn Rand)
12. Shiena is a cinnamon roll whose fate is unfortunately to satisfy the darker desires of the Otoshie fanbase to see her suffer, mostly (lol). She is even more normal than Kouko, honestly, though she is a bullying victim. She is supposed to be an example of why people shouldn't bully, because they just create a vicious cycle of hatred (honestly, her theme should also be hatred imo). Unfortunately, she's never really able to do anything, which then made me think "what does that mean?" She no longer fits the avenger in my worldview, being reduced to something else... but what? I would really really prefer not to refer to her as just Otoya's chew toy, because that's just ... like why the hell do you designate an entire character to that?! I know some people do it, but I would prefer not. So, I ended up coming up with the idea that she is, in the worldview, a character of light who truly is absorbed into the dark. The cards are always stacked against poor Shiena, you know? At some point, she's going to have to actually prove her cold-blooded desire and maybe step off the edge into the dark world. In a way, she is interesting to me because she represents the people at the edge. They are driven by forces beyond their control to possibly do bad things. There is too much of that in the world.
13. Last and somewhat my least, Otoya... She is fun to draw, getting that out of the way. She is refreshingly easy to write because I see her as the most alien animal in the class. Being a person who doesn't connect with other humans normally as a psycho, she's pretty unique. She is selfish to the Nth degree! But she is so energetic so I guess that's infectious. Anyway, she doesn't honestly fit in my worldview ... except as those outliers that need to be removed because they wreak havoc in society. As a creature that is not human, she is a natural beast, unlike Banba. She has only concerns for her own survival and aesthetic goal. Everyone else can go fuck themselves. We already have a lot of selfish douchebags in the world (and an unfortunate amount in higher echelons). We do not need more people like that. At the very least, she acts on a lower level than a prime minister and is content with that. But that's still a very bad standard.
14. So I lied about Otoya being last ... because Tokaku is last (and forgettable lol). She already is well explained in terms of back story and development as the protag (raised to kill, PTSD, yada yada). She is a drifting cloud that one day found an anchor. She normally just goes through life doing whatever the hell other people tell her to do. Could you imagine how many people she could have killed without thinking if not for her curse? Heck, Isuke would be dead. Anyway, that's probably why good ol' Momma put a child lock on her killing ability, just until she is able to stop being such a tumbleweed and make some goddamn decisions (oh yeah and protect Haru). It's a nice bit of insight into humans who find their individuality, I guess, in the worldview. But there is a necessity of maturity before one achieves it. People who just start making themselves to be big shots or something as individuals are jerks.

Anyway, I think that's all I got on these girls for now. Overall, I think the worldview of "we should be better people to each other" is sort of what I love that I learned from AnR. Kaiba's quote on love changing people ties into this too a bit... (save for you, Otoya). If people got over themselves, it would be nice.

It's been a while since our last Fan Art roundup, but what better time to get back into the swing of things than right now! Please enjoy this huge collection of all the fantastic art posted recently to the subreddit! The roundups will return to being far more frequent in the future.
Be warned, spoilers inbound!

• Swamp Witch Strix by Mothlings
• Evelyn (werewolf) by mustangisinflames
• While Living with Strix, Simon Occasionally Sneaks Out & Draws this Graffiti on Buildings in Barovia by AuburnElvis
• Strixes swamp hut
• Some waffle crew sketches by Dinotag
• Strix cosplay WIP by CrimsonQuill_82
• Strahd Guard by Archdirt
• Little rune-chip thingies I made for my Strix cosplay by flyingsciurus
• [fanart] All the feels. :( by Anathema47
• To (hopefully) cheer people up from last episode , here's the Waffle crew + Simon as ponies by MissMMoonbeam
• Sad Strix drawings by Despereaux-7
• Everything is too sad so here's an ugly scribble of happy! So there! by Reiz0r
• Evelyn heroically wields Lightfall and Treebane by Mothlings
• Despair by Reiz0r
• Take My Rat Farts! by AspieKairy
• Long awaited reunion by jellydoll96
• T_T by Jaikthesnake
• Had to make these after going through all the great episode 58 stuff everyones been making by flyingsciurus
• Older Strix, fan art by Despereaux-7
• Modern AU art commission by OgreFairy
• Paultin project m mod wip by dingotag
• I'm Sorry....again by ScarletSol
• I'm Sorry by AspieKairy
• I am making the MM/Volos in knitting/crochet and I know the Wafflefam will like this one by mazzmatazz
• Drawing practice. :D I wish this was an actual doll though by Reiz0r
• tried to draw Diath... by Nightmare_Plague
• I can't think of a good title by Reiz0r
• I foolishly thought my first DCA-inspired art would be happy, but then I read all the things by ShelbsC
• 50 Years Later... by Braivety
• Waffles' Baby Book (goes with the "50 Years Later..." Picture) by Braivety
• Chris truly likes to watch the world burn by hailey1304
• Waffle Crew by Braivety
• "Oh no, my bride..." by Reiz0r
• Welcome to the Waffle Crew! by BPpeny32
• Waffle crew in the mountains by Borja1243
• diath hugging strix in 58 stuck with me so i drew it late :'D by x_somnio
• Kind of reworked my Strix design for the timejump! by solidcoffee
• Strix in Barovian Garb by mothlings
• More quotes by StellaRose412
• Got blood?(/spoiler) by Ninja_nin
• Shiny Chariot Would Be Proud...I think - Strix The Witch by Misfit_Mimi
• paultin battle stance by dinotag
• Quick wafflescrap (based on photo) by Arpiniko
• Lonely by Ninja_nin
• [fan art] Strix ink drawing I made by cyclopeanDepths
• Varying Ideas by ScarletSol
• Ink drawing I made of Sunshine :) by cyclopeanDepths
• Sunset Promises Sunrise Will Come- Anna Photo Edit by KasperTheKhrp
• Strix fanart by Arpiniko
• Post-timeskip Strix design (lineart) by mustangisinflames
• Barovian stained glass of Strix by librarianfm
• Evolution of a Witch by missbeazus
• Diath wielding Gutter by mothlings
• "I'm sorry." - Strix and Diath photoedit by octoberspirit
• Halfway thru the archives on Youtube, I fanarted by el_ot
• Diath fanart by Arpiniko
• Post-timeskip Strix! by mustangisinflames
• (Post-timeskip) Diath outfit redesign! by mustangisinflames
• The Construct by Reiz0r
• I made an Evelyn scrunchie kinda by starlightwriting
• Evelyn fanart by Arpiniko
• Sassy female Diath pencil drawing. :D by Reiz0r
• To celebrate the Season 2 Finale by BlazeStarr
• Post-timeskip Diath! by mustangisinflames
• Man Strix pencil drawing! by Reiz0r
• Thinking of doing a DCA animatic in the near future, so I guess I need to practice the whole Waffle Crew! Pre-construct Evelyn by Sarah_Desdemona
• Stress Drawing during Episode 60 by BlackBirdZeokline
• In honor of Strix and her beautiful character development by ScarletSol
• Post-timeskip Paultin outfit redesign! by mustangisinflames
• a quick doodle of my fav moment from the new episode by thirtyskeletons
• Male Evelyn pencil drawing by Reiz0r
• Female Paultin pencil drawing! by Reiz0r
• The feels for Paultin (needed to draw something after their beautiful reencounter) by Akiory
• Had a go at a penny arcade style strix! Let the Mage squabbling commence! by Ninja_nin
• Made a DCA themed poster in the xcom propaganda cente by z4cc
• diath fanart by ruler-of-jonas
• Post-timeskip Paultin! by mustangisinflames
• I like that ring by sirJunkbottington
• Genderbent Waffle Crew group pencil drawing! :D by Reiz0r
• Wafflecrew project m update: Paultin and updated Diath model in game! by dinotag
• You're not me anymore! That curse was a long time ago! by dinotag
• You Can't Save Them - Diath Fanart by Barleycorn_the_Bard
• Lost by ScarletSol
• Paultin project m mod: complete by dinotag
• PAULTIN PETTING XANDALA'S CAT/DRAGON by lyssaclancelot
• Just a Paultin drawing by Reiz0r
• The execution of Paultin by Borja1243
• Falkon pencil drawing by Reiz0r
• Evelyn chibi by MewMizu
• I Miss You (scene from my story) by BPpeny32
• Modern day Paultin. I imagine him performing in coffee shops in the daytime and in a bar during the night time, but only when he feels like it by lyssaclancelot
• Our Dark Lord, Chris Perkins. A pencil drawing by Reiz0r
• Wafflecrew fanart (old one but haven't posted it here) by Arpiniko
• I made a Manga adaptation of the stream this is the first Chaptre by Arrow_x86
• A warmup post before I reveal my next big project! Oil Pastels are fun! by ScarletSol
• hey hey hey it's paultin and everything is ok! by thirtyskeletons
• Omg I actually drew Diath smiling by mustangisinflames
• Paultin fanart by Arpiniko
• Waffle Brunch by JasmineScript
• A Tiefling's Torment by mothlings
• Late Post Plz Notice by ScarletSol
• Paultin the barovian bard by DiegoGodoi
• "You can't hurt sunshine" by DiegoGodol
• Diath meets Shemeshka by mothlings
• Handrew Keyring (aka Hand of Vecna) by mazzmatazz
• Drunk tunes? by MewMizu
• "Inspired by your beauty" by mothlings
• Not so proud of it, but I like the shading more by ScarletSol
• Happy Birthday to the party rogue, Jared! by mothlings
• Marionette Evelyn sketches by DaemonStalley
• Sick at home, decided to draw by ScarletSol
• Chibi Strix by VioletTheDragon
• A Diath doodle from my sketchbook by mustangisinflames
• Had to do the Wafflecrew in Xcom2's new propaganda postermaker:D by flyingsciurus
• After Diath retires from adventuring by Irmo306
• In memory of better times... by jaycrowcomics
• Diath before Baroviaby jaycrowcomics

JAMES B. WRIGHT
James B. Wright born February 14, 1977 in Santa Barbara, California (Santa Barbara General Hospital) to Henry Wright and Madeleine Wright. In the hospital the day he was born he met his best friend and future long-time partner, Smithy. They were placed in adjacent beds and they high-fived. They have been inseparable even since. He lived in a beach house with his family in Santa Barbara most of his life. His mother is a Psychologist and his father is a retired Police Officer. From birth, James’ dad has been training his memory skills so that one day he would become a detective like his father. For example, when he was 7 years old his father would take him to restaurants and make him count the hats in the room with his eyes closed. At the age of 15, his father made him take the detective’s exam in which he scored a perfect score of 100. He is an only child but that was never a problem because Smithy was basically his brother. His parents got divorced in 1992 and his mother moved to Baltimore. He stayed with his father in Santa Barbara for a couple of years until he turned 18. His relationship with his father is complicated. His father has admitted that the only thing constant in James’ life is his friend Smithy who stuck by him loyally. Despite his incredible talent of observation and deduction, he had no interest of entering the police force and after he graduated from Leland Bosseigh High School in Santa Barbara in 1995, he moved to Los Angeles when he turned 19 in 1996 and took up a string of jobs strictly for his own enjoyment. He rented an apartment with what little money he had and even bought a motorcycle that is very old and very awful but he still treats it like a child. In his apartment, he would watch the news and see police cases and just by observing the scene he could solve the case. He would call in a lot of anonymous tips that would lead the police to solve the cases and the LAPD thought that the information was so good that it had to be from an inside source. To avoid possible jail time, he explained that he was a psychic and that he had psychic visions about these cases that he would solve. At first the department was very skeptical about his “abilities” but he began to solve so many cases that they stopped caring. After officially working with the LAPD and solving his first case, he started his own Private Detective Agency with his best friend Smithy. They solved so many cases that the FBI became interested in their services and they have been consultants with the FBI ever since. During his time working with the LAPD, he began a relationship with a detective named Juliet Smith who just so happened to be the daughter of James’ hero, singer of Tears for Fears, Curt Smith. Even though Juliet’s parents are divorced, James still tries to be friends with Juliet’s father. Her stepfather is a con man by the name of Shawn Williams and she has already arrested him twice. James has jokingly said to Juliet, “This city would be like Detroit if it wasn’t for me.” After a terrible argument, Juliet found out that he is not a real psychic and she forgave him for not telling her in the first place. He lives with his friend, Smithy but has thought about moving in with Juliet. Much of his terminology is quoting obscure 80s movies and making up nicknames for Smithy every time he introduces them to someone new. A female serial killer named Miss is obsessed with him and almost killed him in 2002. He caught her and she now resides in a mental hospital somewhere in California. He has no idea that his father has moved from Santa Barbara to Los Angeles for “a change of pace”. He will eventually run into him and it will be an interesting reunion. When Smithy was shot in the chest in 2002 he debated retiring because he thought it was too dangerous but Smithy refused to let him. As a man in his mid twenties, he is not really respected as a “detective” and he is often talked down to even though he knows that he is better than all of the detectives. He refuses to use guns so he buys Smithy guns so he isn’t killed during investigations. He is charismatic as fuck and can convince a lot of people to do a lot of things. He is also incredibly intelligent but is humble in that aspect. He has slowly overcome his fear of dead bodies, as he has had to deal with them for 4 years. He makes terrible puns but he is quite a likeable person. He is obsessed with pineapples and when he was 20 years old, he got a tattoo of a pineapple on his right wrist. He and Smithy bought a car for their agency, which is a powder blue 2003 PT Cruiser, and he calls it the blueberry. The main person that they get cases from is Chief FBI agent of the Los Angeles division, Ted Gunderson. James calls him Teddy. James is in very good shape, which is quite surprising because when he’s not working a case, he’s at the office watching television and eating snacks. He put up a hammock in the office so when he’s stumped on a case, he can relax in the hammock to get his “mojo” back. He doesn’t drive the blueberry because technically speaking, Smithy owns it and that would be wrong. However, he has a standing shotgun rule for the blueberry at all times. He and his partner make an impressive amount of money a year but he normally spends his money on things like food and movies. He now lives in an apartment with Smithy and Smithy normally pays the bills. The only people who know that he isn’t a real psychic are Juliet, his father and Smithy. Smithy and James were on a show like American Idol called American Duos but they were so bad that they are not allowed within 100 feet of that building ever again. For one his odd jobs, he worked delivery for a burger joint and one day, he delivered food to Shaq. He had originally taken the job for the free fries and life lessons for older workers. Meeting Shaq was really just a bonus. Another odd job that he had, which was the one he most enjoyed, was when a supermarket couldn’t sell pineapples so James became a travelling pineapple salesman. The supermarket told him a week later that they wouldn’t actually be paying him because it wasn’t an actual job and James actually lost money through this endeavor. Another one of his odd jobs was working at a guitar store where he tried to sound like he knew what he was talking about. He also worked for a small time Russian bar called Putin’s. It was run by a guy named Vlad who apparently is from the Russian mafia. Long story short, James protected Vlad from getting arrested so he owes him a favor. A BIG one. James is also very good friends with the LAPD Coroner, Woody. He doesn’t know his last name. Woody is a very strange man who lives in a trailer by the beach in Santa Barbara. Which doesn’t make any sense because he works in Los Angeles. James keeps trying to set up an appointment with Juliet’s father so they can “jam”. James and Smithy always have a Tears for Fears tape in the blueberry in case of emergencies. James and Smithy once went to a Tears for Fears concert in 1991 and met Rivers Cuomo who by the way is a huge Tears for Fears fan. This is before Weezer was a thing. When James and Smithy were in high school, Smithy would get picked on and James would try to step in but he would end up just getting picked on too. This one time when James and Smithy were celebrating a case solved, James got very drunk and passed out on the couch. Smithy then drew a thick mustache on his face in sharpie and took a picture of it. They hang that picture in the office. Like I said, they are best friends and nothing will change that. James says many catchphrases that are quite terrible when he solves a murder or when he stumbles across a body. For example, “Meat is murder but murder is also murder.” And “Cloudy…with a chance of murder.” Also, “Murder? Anyone? Bueller?” During a case where him and Smithy had to investigate a fashion club, James introduced themselves as Black and Tan. Himself being Black and Smithy being Tan. Which is really ironic because Smithy is a large black man. He often makes mistakes when saying well known phrases or names and when is corrected, he says “I’ve heard it both ways.” When Smithy and James were in grade school, Smithy entered a spelling bee in which he lost after being stumped on the word aggiornamento and also being given false help from James who was in the audience. Smithy has been holding a grudge from that for 18 years now. James wants to live with Juliet but he doesn’t want to leave his best friend all alone. When James told Smithy he was dating the daughter of Curt Smith, he nearly passed out from excitement. He invented the first “camera phone” by taping a camera to his cell phone. His catchphrases are “C’mon son” and “Suck it”. And whenever Smithy and James solve a case or do something good they fist bump. One time when James was walking down the street he saw a man standing in a windowsill about to jump from a ridiculous height. He yelled at the man to hang on and ran up the stairs to coax him down playing 3 chords on the guitar and singing Third Eye Blind’s Jumper. That man is forever in James’ debt. His name is Juan. James is quite an eccentric person. He is very rarely mad or sad and that helps him not be emotionally invested in the cases. When working for the LAPD, he joined their department softball team and became their MVP. He was only doing it to impress Juliet and much to his dismay, he found out that his father was also on the softball team. So that was pretty awkward. The only sport he enjoys is basketball even though he doesn’t really understand it. It is the only sport that doesn’t bore him. Well that and NASCAR. But NASCAR makes him sleepy so basketball is his go to thing. He continues to remind everyone about the greatest era that has ever occurred and will ever occur: the 80s. He has a strange obsession with Val Kilmer and takes offense when people say things bad about him. While working with the LAPD, he and Smithy went to a comic book and sci-fi convention called TriCon to investigate mysterious disappearances. During this, James referred to Smithy as a psychic known as “magic head” and would say they were psychics sent there from the future to warn about robots. James is also friends with a master thief named Pierre Despereaux, whom he let escape and now Pierre owes James a favor. Also, one day he found a cat outside his apartment and decided to take him. He named the cat, Little Boy Cat.
If there are any details I have missed, look at Smithy’s backstory.